#I don’t care if it’s worth his life I need my good pure precious handsome brilliant son.

[cultivating-wildflowers]

So far my experience reading North and South is 80% loving the descriptions, the characters, Mr. Thorton’s smile, the array of discussions set against such a bleak backdrop

And 20% is me yelling “yes, ok, we GET IT. EVERYONE LOVES FREDERICK OK.”

[rotworld]

2: Centaur

it’s said that only pure virgin maidens can call a unicorn, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

->explicit. contains horse genitalia, weird sex magic to enable human-to-horse genitalia compatibility, dubcon/noncon, semi-public sex, implications of mind-altering magic, gore, murder, kidnapping.

.

.

.

You’ve never seen anything so beautiful.

The meadow is in full bloom, a sea of brilliance. Here, a profusion of daisies. There, a carpet of poppies. Asters and yarrow and little clovers, flowers you’ve never heard of, colors you didn’t know existed, bloom as far as the eye can see. There are starbursts, blue as the sea, that smell of salt and sand, and cones of pink blossoms that glitter in the light. Petals dance in a gentle breeze like prismic rain, carrying a soft, sweet scent. It feels like a dream. You’re knee-deep in flowers beneath a cloudless sky.

“This is impossible,” you say softly, afraid to disturb the peace. Your fingers graze a curving stem, heavy with bluebells. “It’s autumn. The leaves should be turning. How is everything so green?” 

The king’s men sigh tiredly, looking uncomfortable and terribly out of place in their clanking armor. “Unicorn,” they say, the only word they seem to know. Why are the winds so gentle here, spring-sweet and warm? Unicorn. Why is the water crystal clear and sparkling, the perfect temperature for both a quenching drink and a quick rinse of your dirtied hands? Unicorn. Why couldn’t you see the meadow until you crossed the river and passed a certain willow tree? Unicorn, obviously. They shake their heads at you like you don’t know anything.

“Sit here,” one of them tells you, pointing to a spot among the daffodils. 

Another one stops you just as you’re kneeling in the grass. “No, no, wait, over there is better. There are lilies. Lilies are a symbol of virginity.”

“I think the roses would be best,” a third chimes in. “Seems very maiden-like, doesn’t it? That’s what a maiden would pick, I think, if a maiden were out here, picking flowers.” The other knights nod sagely. “Then it’s decided. Over there by the roses, please. Here, sit with your legs folded like this…”

You roll your eyes. You can’t believe how seriously they’re taking the stupid little details. This whole expedition is a lost cause. It doesn’t matter how much they pretty you up, dressing you in this flowing gown and making you wander barefoot among the flowers. You’re a sheepherder, not a waifish little girl. A unicorn can tell the difference. But the king must really be desperate, because the knights are insistent as they correct your posture, smooth out your hair, and inspect you from every angle.

“Good. Perfect,” one of them says, nodding at his handiwork. “We’ll get into position. Do,” he pauses, waving his hand vaguely, “maiden things. Sing songs. Braid your hair. Whatever it is maidens do.” You watch them clang and clatter away to the treeline, hiding poorly among the rocks and flower bushes. You relish in the space and freedom, flopping on your back in the grass. You couldn’t care less if a unicorn comes or not. The fields are yellowed and prickly at home, nothing like the beautiful softness of this meadow. Your cousin agreed to watch your sheep for the day, so you don’t have a care in the world. You close your eyes and let eternal spring wash over you. 

You open your eyes to darkness.

You sit up slowly, groaning and groggy. You must’ve drifted off. Petals fall from your gown as you yawn and rub your eyes. Snoring drifts from the trees; the knights fast asleep. You stand up to stretch, only to find a new, fantastic landscape stretched before you. The meadow is tinged silvery blue in moonlight. New flowers, unopened buds just hours ago, bloom with a faint glow. A river of stars shines overhead. This must be the dream, you think, or maybe you’ve been dreaming since you crossed the river. Everything about the meadow is otherworldly, a place of beauty and gentleness unlike anything you’ve ever known.

And then you hear it. Softly at first and indistinct, but nearing, gradually louder. A rhythmic gait, too heavy for a human, too pronounced for fleshy feet. Hoofbeats. Your breath catches in your throat. You scramble to your feet and look around. Auroras shimmer above you, rippling ribbons of green. Night breeze blows across the meadow and the grass whispers at your ankles. You see him, trotting across the meadow. You see him and there are tears in your eyes. You realize you’ve never known beauty until this moment.

The unicorn is the color of night, black and deepest blue. His mane shimmers, woven with gemstones and glittering flower buds, and his horn shines like polished onyx. He is a man from the waist up, silver eyed and handsome. There are scars along his broad shoulders, puckered skin that healed a lighter gray. Beneath the waist, muscle twists and transforms into long equine legs. His gait is leisurely, a smile tugging at his lips. 

“My oh my, what do we have here?” he says. His voice is velvety smooth and alluring. Your apprehension melts away even as he stops before you, his front legs bending so you’re face to face. A heavy, coat-like fabric rests across the back of his horse body, royal purple and delicately embroidered with intricate floral patterns. He reaches for you, slender fingers curling along your jaw. You’re sure of it now. This is all just a dream. The unicorn chuckles, a warm and rumbling sound that fills you with heat. “You’re wide awake, little one.”

“You can read my thoughts?” 

“I can read more than that.” His smile widens and he stands to his full height. You fidget nervously as he walks in a slow circle around you, a hand beneath his chin. His hooves kick up petals and glittering pollen with every step. “Hmm, let’s see...a shepherd! How precious. What gentle hands. Ah, but a solitary life. You’ve not known a lover’s touch in quite some time.” Your face heats in embarrassment. His palm trails across your back as he passes behind you, squeezing your shoulder. 

“I thought unicorns only came to pure maidens,” you say. His every touch sends sparks across your skin. You can feel his warmth through the flimsy, thin fabric of your gown. At that, his smile gains a sharp edge, almost predatory. It’s gone as quickly as it came.

“What a delight you are,” he murmurs. “Coming all this way was worthwhile after all.” He begins to walk and you follow without being asked. There are flowers all around you but you pay them no mind now, too entranced by the beautiful creature beside you. You don’t know if you go far or not, time and distance rendered meaningless in the dreamlike embrace of the meadow. He leads you to a large, mossy rock formation, the stone sheared away to leave an unnaturally flat surface. You look back over your shoulder, remembering the knights. Did they sleep through all of this? Should you say something? The unicorn’s hand cups your chin, dragging your gaze back to him. His breathtaking smile obliterates all thoughts of anything else. 

“The stories are an exaggeration,” he tells you. He guides you gently, hands on your shoulders, to sit on the stone. His legs fold beneath him and he sits, his hands carding through your hair. The affection and desire in every touch, every gentle scratch of his fingers against your scalp, makes you hotter. “We appear to whomever we wish to appear to. But I confess, some of us do have a soft spot for virgins.” He presses a sharp kiss to your lips, nipping at you. “We enjoy teaching them pleasure,” he hisses, and pushes you suddenly onto your back. The gown is pulled from your body, discarded in the grass. Night air caresses your bare skin and you squirm beneath his wandering gaze.

Somehow, it only occurs to you now what his intentions are. The gentle caresses, the sensual touches and the heat in his gaze didn’t feel real. They still don’t, but now, naked and at the mercy of his hungry eyes, you understand. “You...you want me?” you say, your voice small in embarrassment. When you say it out loud, it sounds even more ridiculous, but there’s no mistaking this. He rests his arms across your abdomen, gazing up at you with fondness and longing. 

“I do,” he says. “Very, very much. Would you let me have you?” 

You bite your lip, your body trembling as he slips a hand between your legs and just grazes your sex with his fingertips. The touch is teasing, too fleeting, and leaves you aching for more. You nod shakily and he hums, pleased at your acquiescence. “What’s your name?”

He looks rather charmed that you asked, warmth filling his gaze. “I am Myurva,” he says. You give him your name in return and the way he says it back to you, the lascivious purr, makes you squirm. The unicorn rests his hands on your knees, gently but firmly easing them apart. “Spread your legs for me, lovely. I want to see you.” 

Myurva’s seduction is slow and patient even as you writhe and beg him for more. He opens you on his fingers, soothing your frenzied whimpers with sweet nothings and loving whispers of your name. You’ve never been treated with such devotion, such smothering lust and affection. He touches you like the love of his life, kisses tenderly and messily, drags his hand along your side and savors the way you move for him. “So very worth it,” he murmurs, kissing your inner thigh. He has two fingers inside you, caressing your walls and curling just right to reach the spot that makes you shriek. “How fortunate I am to have found you, lovely. I want to keep you. I want to spoil you each and every night.” 

You’re keening for him, sobbing with need, when he flips you onto your stomach. You hardly notice. You spread your legs when you feel his hands on you, kneading your ass. Everything is hot and electrifying, hazy with pleasure. Then his front hooves land heavily in the grass near your head and something enormous rubs against you. “Wait,” you say shakily. You hear a chuckle above you. The fleshy end of Myurva’s cock slides against your ass, smearing precum along your spine. Your heart skips a beat feeling the sheer size of it against you. There’s no way. It’s impossible. You try to push yourself up on your elbows and one of his hooves stamps dangerously near your head. 

“I thought you wanted me, lovely,” he says. He thrusts again, the length of him slipping between your thighs and grinding against your sex. “If you move, I’ll have to chase you. You won’t get far.” 

“You won’t fit,” you tell him, voice pitched in desperation. Trying to squirm just makes him rest his weight against you, crushing you between the stone and the bulk of his body. “You’re going to break me!”

“I’ll go slow,” Myurva purrs. He demonstrates with a slow grind, a gradual roll of his hips. His heated flesh feels so good against you. “I’ll be so, so careful with you. Don’t you remember the stories? I enjoy virgins. I haven’t harmed a single one. They wander the woods in search of me, begging to feel my cock again.” You hear his back hooves shifting, repositioning behind you. He lines himself up and his cock prods against your opening. “Let me show you,” he urges. “Let me bring you pleasure you’ve never known.” He grinds against you again, hot pressure building as he begins to push inside. You gasp his name, beg him to wait, to go slow, to give you a moment to collect yourself, but he chuckles and presses harder.

Your nails rake against the stone and your vision whites out. The burn of the stretch becomes a tingling sensation, numb at first and then blindly pleasurable, lighting sparks in your belly. It shouldn’t be possible but you feel the head inside of you. The pain is a dull ache but every movement chases it away, pleasure washing over you. He rocks his hips and the steady, shallow thrusts push him deeper. True to his word, he fucks into you agonizingly slowly, panting and moaning

“How do you feel, lovely?” he asks, his voice strained. He’s holding back, you realize, his hooves stomping restlessly as he makes small, unconscious thrusts to feel you wrapped around him. “Let me in deeper. Let me fuck you properly. You won’t regret it.”

You don’t think he can get deeper. You try to tell him as much, but a hard thrust knocks the breath out of you. The fullness makes your head spin. You feel yourself pushing back against him despite all of the sensations, the ache inside of you, the impossibility of the whole situation in the back of your mind. He makes a breathy, choked sound and then laughs, fucking you harder. “Ohhh, that’s it. Just like that. I knew you’d love this.” You can hear his cock slamming into your body, can feel the weight of his heavy balls slapping your ass with every thrust. You feel like a cocksleeve, a snug toy for him to fuck. The force of his thrusts drags you back and forth over the stone, scraping up your chest, but the pain is nothing compared to the pleasure he gives you. 

Someone is screaming, crying Myurva’s name into the night. You barely recognize your own voice, the needy pitch, the tremor in every word. You’re so full, so unbearably stuffed with cock, no longer trying to meet his thrusts but letting him move you, ruining you for any human partner. Your knees bruise on the stone. Your toes curl. Your cries build to a frenzied crescendo and you cum impaled on his enormous cock, shaking, panting his name.

“Lovely,” he moans, an obscene sound leaving his lips as your inner muscles clamp down on his cock. “Gods above, darling, I’m going to fill you.” He fucks you wildly, no rhythm, no caution, his whole cock slamming into you as hard and deep as he can get. You can’t move. The whole world turns white-hot and blinding. You go limp, gasping weakly as Myurva begins to grunt, his cock pulsing, his whole length crammed inside you.

You thought you were full already, but then he cums. You feel him straining on top of you, his whole weight thrown forward as he fucks ropes of thick cum into your body. It foams up around his length and makes obscene, slick sounds. You feel it overflowing, trickling down your thighs. It feels like it goes on forever, his moans, his deep, straining thrusts, his cock pouring more and more cum into your body until his balls empty and he finally, with a satisfied sigh, pulls out. 

You make an undignified sound at the sudden emptiness, and the rush of cum that follows. You’re grateful for the stone beneath you, cool against your sweat-soaked skin. Your legs are jelly. You don’t know if you’ll ever walk again. Myurva’s front hooves lift, stepping back from the stone. His human hand caresses your cheek. “You’re truly something, lovely,” he says quietly. “I spoke in jest of keeping you, but now...it’s difficult to resist the temptation.” 

You try to speak but only manage an incoherent murmur of noise. He chuckles and strokes your hair. Distantly, you’re aware of other noises than the two of you. Shouting. Footeps. Clattering steel. You remember suddenly that you aren’t alone out here, arms struggling to lift you. The knights. How could you forget? Shame heats your face. How long have they been awake? How much did they see? How much did they hear? Myurva shushes your protests, pressing a gentle hand on the small of your back. “Rest,” he says. You don’t think you’re capable of doing much else, anyway.

You hear a commotion behind you. The knights, shouting in outrage, drawing swords. Are they going to hurt Myurva? Your eyes widen and you try again, uselessly, to lift yourself and see what’s happening. The unicorn gives you one last gentle caress and leaves you, his hoofbeats stopping somewhere between you and the knights.

“At last, you show yourself!” the knights exclaim. You manage to roll onto your side, craning your neck to see them surrounding Myurva, but he doesn’t look concerned. He glances around, examining each of the men. 

“Let’s see,” he murmurs. “Subjects of King Cornelius. And you want…” The corner of his lips twitch in amusement. “A hostage? Is that right? Your people have no claim over our mountains. A hostage will not change this. My king does not negotiate.” His words are ignored. The knights are wary but they do not back down. You feel like a fool. Why didn’t you ask them what they wanted the unicorn for? You assumed it was something trivial, a silly princess who wanted a pet. Nothing like this. 

Myurva glances back at you. His silver eyes catch the moonlight and glint dangerously. Those are a predator’s eyes, you realize. A thing that hunts and stalks the night. “You worry for me, lovely?” he purrs. “Your every emotion is so tender. I really must keep you. But, alas,” he chuckles, turning back to the knights, “business first, my sweet.”

You hadn’t looked all that carefully at the fabric across the back of his body. You hadn’t noticed the sword sheaths hanging there, hidden beneath the drapes and tassels. You hear steel scraping steel as he unsheathes twin blades, long and curved, as strikingly silver as his eyes. One of the knights tries to say something. “Come quietly,” or some other meaningless thing. He never finishes speaking. You hardly see Myruva move. A flash of silver, a rush of air; that’s all it takes. The knight’s head falls from his shoulders, and his body sinks to the ground soon after. The others begin to scream and scatter, but they’ll never get away. There’s no outrunning a unicorn. 

Laying there upon the stone, you see everything. Prey fleeing and predator giving chase. Swords clashing. Flesh pierced and mangled. Myurva tramples one of them, snaps the man’s ribs with glee in his shining eyes. Their armor does nothing but trap them in slow, awkward shells, easy prey to catch and dismantle. The unicorn moves like a whirlwind across the meadow, death his shadow. Blood soaks the soil and splatters the flowers, almost black in the night. 

You’re on your knees when it’s over, hunched over the stone with your legs in the grass. You can’t stand. You can’t run. You can’t do anything but turn and see Myurva standing there, fresh blood dripping from his swords. He smiles at the sight of you, the shivers wracking your body. “You didn’t know,” he assures you. “I can read you, remember?” He wipes the blood from his blades, sheathing them at his side once again. You flinch when he comes closer, sitting in the grass beside you. You smell the carnage on him. The fingers that tuck your hair behind your ear are wet and warm. “Pleased to meet you,” he purrs. “I’m Myurva, the royal spymaster. And you are the loveliest little human I’ve ever seen.”

You protest weakly when he scoops you up in his arms, standing suddenly. You’re vaguely aware of moving, of being carried somewhere. You fight to cling to consciousness, but it’s slowly slipping out of your grasp. “Hush,” Myurva coos, kissing your forehead. “We’ve a long ways to go and you’re in no condition to ride me just yet. But, eventually…” He chuckles, one of his hands cupping your backside. “Eventually, we’ll have all the time in the world to do whatever we like, won’t we?”

[seonghwashibber]

My one and only 

Pairing: Yandere! San x Reader

Genre: Angst, Horror, Small fluff 

Warning: Blood, Alcohol use, Abuse, Stalking, Violence 

Note: I in no way support Yandere’s, This is purely fanfiction content, If you are going through a toxic and dangerous situation. Please seek help, reach out to someone. You are worth a lot more than you think, you deserve to be happy. 

Taglist: @sunsethw4​ @little-precious-baby​ @seacottons​ @softvelvetkisses​ @queenofgames​ @pastelpinkelfie​

Scenario: Escaping the darkness was not an easy job, when you finally did, you found happiness. Yet the one who brought you pain is back and he refuses to let go of you. But your current boyfriend refuses to allow San around you.

“You are dismissed,” Park Seonghwa said, the college students had stood up to gather what they needed. You sat down, scribbling on the empty page, the thought of finally being free. It had been a whole year since you escaped from a hell called love. Yet it was no real love, you couldn’t forgive him for the scars on your legs, the image of your blood on his hand. The way his mood switched, he loved you, he claimed it. But next minute, if you broke the rules, if you went against what he said, you would suffer a physical pain from disobeying him. Choi San, His looks could fool you, his words were lies. Where is he now?. You didn’t exactly know where he was. You remember him.

"My sweet love, are you forgetting that we’re in love? No one is gonna love you the way I do, you know this,” San cooed as he held you. You whimper at the sudden contact. “You know the rules, disobeying me would only lead to punishment, now apologize like a good kitten,” he smirked. You nodded your head slowly, the cuts on your legs were fresh. “I’m sorry for talking to him,” you apologized. Yes, apologized, for talking to Choi Jongho. The handsome guy who just so happened to take a liking to you from first sight. “Now you’ll stay in the room, for 6 days, If you do good, I’ll let you out but always remember baby, If I can’t have you all to myself, no one else can,” he chuckled darkly. He stood up, walking from the bed. You held the knife tightly before adding more fake tears. “Wait, I wanna hug you again,” you lied. Now, San loved when you told him what you wanted or needed, he believed that only he could provide you with it. Which is why he didn’t like when you asked other people around you in public for help. 

He nodded his head, his ego rising as he felt like you needed him, he knew you did. He believed that you did. “Of course doll,” he smiled. He walked closer, wrapping his arms around your warm and shaking body, you wrapped your arms around him, without another thought you jabbed the knife into his back, he yelled in pain. Kicking your way out, you ran downstairs and out the front door. Your feet hit the cold ground, rain fell as you made your way to the nearest police station, never looking back at the obsessed man. 

“Earth to the love of my life,” a voice spoke. Snapping out of your thought, you looked up, meeting eyes with your boyfriend, Jongho. After you had left San, you moved further away, leaving your belongings behind. You reached out to Jongho, he had told you that you were free to stay with him. After a few months you built a romantic relationship, which happened to be what brought you guys to the same college. South Korea was huge, so you stopped stressing about San finding you, it would take so long for him to even trace you. But you believed that the police caught him before things could be worse. 

You smiled at your boyfriend, giving him a small peck. “Yes?” You said. He sighed. “Took a bit, Thinking about it again?” he asked as he sat on the table, facing you. “I just think it’s weird ya know? After that night...I never seen him again,” you explained. Jongho hummed as he pulled you tightly to his chest. “Well you don’t have to worry about seeing him, you have me, We’re in one of the largest universities in Korea, He wouldn’t be able to find you,” he comforted you. Jongho was well aware of everything and had promised that he would protect you. “So stop worrying and let’s go, Coffee date, you can meet some of my friends and we’ll have fun,”. You smiled before gripping his hand. 

As you and Jongho talked, walking towards the coffee shop on campus, someone had bumped into Jongho. The man didn’t even look back to apologize, he continued to walk. You frown but Jongho smiles. “Don’t worry about him, I’m fine,” he said. As you both continued walking. Yet the guy with dark hair hadn’t looked back. Instead he turned off towards the bathroom, pulling off his hood and looking in the mirror, he washed his face a bit, the door opening behind him. “San, you ready? I’m throwing this party for you to find a hot babe,” Wooyoung said. San chuckled. “I’m fine,”. Wooyoung shook his head at his friends claim. “That’s not true because if it was, you would be over your ex, and you do realize that she’s probably married with kids,” Wooyoung took a guess. 

San had shaken his head, he knew you all too well, After you escaped from his life, he had healed from the scar on his back. His search for you was gonna be the best one yet. He never stopped searching for you, high and low, he didn’t stop searching. He would try his best to get a lead, but nothing. Until he met Wooyoung. San had found out you were apart of the group in some way when he mentioned all the cute girls he met on the campus, and you, Jongho’s girlfriend, happened to be one. 

“Actually, I have a question, are you going to invite the Y/n girl you’ve told me so much about?” San asked. Wooyoung shook his head. “I don’t plan on it, I mean Jongho wouldn’t care but she’s in a relationship so flirting with her is not the best option at the moment,” Wooyoung explained. San rolled his eyes. “I don’t mean like that, I just wanna meet her,  A friend of yours is a friend of mine,” he lied. 

You laughed at the small joke that Jongho had told you, He knew how to cheer you up when you felt down or just wasn’t too big on fun. “I have to use the restroom, wait for me right here,” he said. Jongho stood up from his seat, making his way to the restroom. You tapped your hands on the table lightly, the smell of coffee beans filled the air along with the long conversations around you. “Hey beautiful,” a voice surprised you by the sudden touch on your shoulder. You jumped slightly but let out a small laugh as you looked to see Mingi. “You scared me, don’t do that Mingi,” you said. He chuckled as he apologized leaning forward on your table. “Are you and Jongho hitting up Wooyoung’s party tonight? Thankfully I allowed them to throw it in my frat house,” he said. You hummed as you shook your head. “It’s up to Jongho, I have no plans but you know how I feel being in large crowds without him,” you admitted. Mingi nodded his head as he looked to his left, making eye contact with his friend Yunho. “I’m gonna go annoy someone,”. You chuckled before looking out the window, in a long distance you felt your blood run cold. The color draining from your face, standing away from the window. 

Was the same man from earlier but this time he didn’t hide his face in his hood, no, he showed it to you. Your hands shake as you look San in the eyes. Letting out a small scream and whimper you got the attention of the students around you, dropping your coffee in the wet floor. Jongho rushes over, pulling you against his chest. “You okay love? What happened?” he asked in a panic. You pointed towards the window but when you had looked back over, He was gone. “San, I s-saw him!” you explain. Jongho apologized to those around you both before walking out of the café with you. “Alright, You need to go to the dorm and get some rest, you didn’t take your medication did you?” he asked. You shook your head. “I’m not delusional Jongho, I saw him! I seen his eyes, his creepy smirk, I seen it,” you claimed but you knew deep down that Jongho would not believe unless he witnessed the man himself. He frowns at your shaking state as he walks you back to the dorm. 

You groan as you look around, you were in the dorm room, Jongho wasn’t around but your roommate’s voice could be heard. You check the time and whine before stepping out of bed, walking into the noisy bathroom. “Finally, someone’s awake, I was thinking that my dress would look better on you,” Lisa explained. “I’m not going to Wooyoung’s party,” you chuckled. Lisa frowned. “Come on, Jongho’s going, I’m going, do you really wanna spend your night inside closed up?” she asked. Frowning you shook your head, accepting the defeat your best friend had against you. 

“San, this is my friend...Rose, Rose this is San,” Wooyoung introduced the two in the kitchen. San smiled as he shook her hand, the red cup in his left hand as he looked around the place, searching for you. “I think you could help this dude forget his ex,” Wooyoung chimed as he winked. San faked a laugh as he shook his head. “I’m fine without a girlfriend, Really,” he said. “Y/n!” a yell could be heard. San’s attention was quickly at the entrance, you had walked in behind Lisa. The pink, thigh-high dress was fitting perfectly on you. You smiled as you hugged Jaemin. San’s hand begin to squeeze the cup until it was nothing. Your vision had landed on the man right there. He didn’t look cocky, caring, like his ego was high. San’s vision was red, his jaw was clenched. 

Turning towards Jaemin you begin to wanna avoid San. “Do you by chance know where Jongho is?” you asked searching for him. “I’m not sure, last time I seen him, he went upstairs,” he explained. You thanked him, speed walking around the crowd, not apologizing for roughly bumping into them, you knew San was following you. Finally you thought of an idea to throw his plan off, you leaned your head on Yeosang. “I’m looking for Jongho, do you know where he is?” you asked. San had kept his distance, knowing that if he had made moves, they would catch on to who he really was. “He’s probably busy talking to one of the guys, I wish that I could tell you where he was but I’m not sure,” he shrugged. You looked back at San but you knew if you went to tell Jongho. He wouldn’t believe it, taking your phone out of your pocket, you knew that you had to do something that would make him believe you. 

Yet before you could alert your boyfriend, San had walked up as soon as Yeosang left. “You look good tonight but remember my rules doll face, You can’t show that much skin to other people, we’ve been over this, because they’ll want you for what you look like, and no one will ever love you the same way I do,” he smirked. You nodded your head, wanting to avoid the dark gaze he was sending through your soul. He grabbed your hand before pulling you along. “An emergency has came up and little Y/n needs a ride there, So I’m gonna be the one taking her,” San told Mingi who only nodded his head. Mingi looked back at you as he seen that the look in your eyes was the eyes of fear. But he figured it could be the emergency that San spoke of. 

Jongho walked into the house as he was greeted, he had to run to the store for some more snacks since Youngjae had been eating them a lot more than he expected. He looked around and couldn’t find you anywhere, turning over he looked to see Lisa, who only shrugged when she knew what he was asking. Jongho searched everywhere, bathrooms, outside, upstairs, bedrooms, he couldn’t find you even in the kitchen making jokes with your friend Mingi. He tapped on Mingi’s shoulder who was talking with Wooyoung. “Yo, Mingi,” Jongho said. Mingi’s breath had the strong scent of alcohol, his eyes focused on him but hardly with a clear view. “Have you seen Y/n?” he asked. Wooyoung shook his head as Mingi nodded his head. “She was leaving with Wooyoung’s friend, he’s got dark hair, San is his name I believe,” Mingi slurred. Without another word, Jongho snatched the car keys that belonged to Yunho, he rushed out the door as his phone dialed your number. Yet no response, you weren’t answering any of his calls. His jaw clenched as his hands tighten on the steering wheel. “If you touch her Choi San, I’ll kill you,”.

The air smelled fresh, it was a bit warm in the home but it was understandable since it was cold outside. You sat on the couch, the same couch that you fell in love at, that night he invited you over for a date. His smile was so innocent, you snuggled after dinner and wine, watching a movie. Yet it wasn’t the same, now you sit on it in fear and misery. “You should apologize for leaving me that night, I haven’t forgotten about it,” he said. But you didn’t look at him, you looked at the floor, you knew if you looked in his eyes, you would see the tears he held. You knew those tears were hard to fight against, you hated that part of you, even after all he’s done, when you see him cry, it hurts you. But Jongho always said that he was manipulating you into staying, and that’s why.  

“I don’t understand why you left, please look at me baby, I’m sorry for everything,” he said as he got in front of you. He looked into your eyes, his tears running down his face. “I love you so much, I was the one who took you from a cold world, I made you the beautiful lady you are today, You cried and I was there to protect you, So why did you leave me?” he questioned. His voice was soft, gentle. You shake your head. “San...Just let me go please,” you pleaded. He cupped your face as he made you look at him. “Y/n, I was there for you through everything, when you got kicked out, I was the first person who offered somewhere to sleep,” he said and you knew he was right. You wanted to give in to him so easily. You felt the urge to just say forget it all and turn to him but something was stopping you. It happened to be the promise ring on your finger. Closing your eyes, you begin to compare the two men in your life, and you knew that San would do anything to manipulate you. 

{Flashback}

When you wear a dress, San is quick to call you names, stating how much of a whore you’ve become or how you looked beautiful but you were his blossom and he didn’t like anyone else to see. “I told you already, it makes you look like you’ll throw yourself at the next rich guy around town, whore,” he spat. You frown at his words, only believing he said it out of frustration and insecurity. “But Sannie, you said you loved this color on me?” you pout. He sighed deeply before wrapping his arms around your waist. “I know I did baby, but you know how I get, and how guys will drool all over you, you are beautiful but sometimes you don’t need the most revealing clothes to state how pretty you are to me,” he wrapped his arm around your waist. “I’ll change and we can go on our date,” you peck his lips. 

. 

You frown as you stand in front of Jongho, who was dressed formal just so you could go meet his parents. “Are you cold?” he asked as he watched you cross your arms. “It’s not that, Just if you don’t want other people to see me dressed like this...I understand,”. He chuckled before shaking his head. “You look great, I want the world to see just how beautiful you are, you can wear anything you want, I won’t mind,”. He gave you a warm smile and you felt a bit better now by his words. 

{End of flashback}

“I’m sorry San, but there will never be a you and me in this world,” you said before headbutting him and sending him backwards. You hiss in pain as the blood slowly ran down the side of your head. “You fucking brat, I give you everything and you do this to me? I already told you that no one would love you the way I do,” he spat as he stood up from the floor, his hand gripped your throat as he was beyond pissed off. You had never seen this much anger from him before in your life. “You know the rules love, If I can’t have you, what are you doing here in the first place?”. You begin to kick in hopes that you could regain your breath before it was too late, As your vision got cloudy, San was knocked off of you. Falling back to the floor you start to breathe better turning your gaze over to find Jongho fighting San. 

He was on him, punching him countless times in the face. “I.Told.You.Not.To.Touch.Her,” Jongho spoke after each punch. San reached over to the table, grabbing the house phone and knocking Jongho off of him but that didn’t stop your boyfriend from fighting San. The two men had begin to fight, while you on the other hand wanted to help but you felt so weak in your bones. Almost like you couldn’t handle anything anymore. Yet you didn’t allow that to stop you, weakly standing up from the floor, you try your best to rush over to the kitchen, only to find San holding a knife against Jongho’s neck. “Forgive me,” your voice could be heard by the two males. Swinging without a thought, You had hit San in the back of the head with a vase, he was knocked out cold. Jongho grabbed you quickly as he looked down at San. “Is he dead?” you asked. He frowned. “I’m not sure but we should report this to the police,” he said. 

Jongho and You sat at the police station, You had your eyes closed as you rested against him a bit. Only to be woken up and coming face to face with the officer. “We went back to the home, No one was there, Searching the place up and down, nothing was there but blood throughout the home, The trail ended at the back door, Meaning he left and he’s out there somewhere, but to assure your safety, I think it’s best you both stay somewhere he can’t find you,” he explained. You begin to feel uneasy but Jongho noticed, He nodded his head as he laced his fingers with yours. “Let’s go home love, they’ll let us know when they get a lead on him,” he said. Nodding your head, being sleepy, you had gotten in the car, Jongho started it up as he frowned. “I want you to know that as long as I’m with you, nothing is gonna happen, Choi San will never be able to hurt you, and that I promise,” he said giving your head a kiss. 

You frown as the bruises on his body but you knew that he only took those hits to protect you, your neck was bruised and in pain. As you drifted off to sleep, Jongho chuckled a bit at the sight of you. He felt proud that he protected you some from someone he had a bad feeling about since he first spotted him.

{At Location}

Your eyes open and you find yourself on the couch, raising up you were met with the guys. “Y/n’s awake,” Mingi called. Jongho rushed over as he checked on you, you looked at him a bit confused. “Where are we? Where’s San?” you asked. He smiled but you knew it was his comfort smile. “We’re at Hongjoong’s place, he understood everything and allowed us to stay here until they find San, don’t worry about him, he isn’t gonna get you, you know that, now go back to bed, Me and the guys don’t plan on falling asleep anytime soon,” he said as he kissed you. Nodding your head, you laid back down and wished you could stop thinking about the horrifying events that took place. 

Meanwhile, outside of Hongjoong’s place, a figure could be spotted, lurking around, limping on the lawn as he searched around the place. San smirked as he knew you were hiding in there. But he wasn’t gonna strike you, he had to hide, but he knew that even if you didn’t come back without a fight, he would never be able to leave you alone or let you go. Ever. Again. 

[my-writings-and-musings]

Hello! Thank you for answering my Ravage request, I love it so much! Also your last Rodimus prompt really helped me yesterday, thank you.

Can I request some headcanons about how would Megatron, Swerve and Rung react to love confession from their human crush? Free to ignore it if there's too many characters

(sorry if it's not okay to send more than one request in such short amount of time)

Yay I'm glad that you liked what I wrote and that some of my other stuff helped you out! Sorry for the delay in answering these, I've been quite surprised by the volume in my inbox! I have three lovely bots reacting to love here, and feel free to send in requests so long as my inbox is open!

Megatron

·The confession thankfully occurs while he's seated, as the impact force of a thirty foot mech collapsing to the floor would have been... considerable. That's not to say his physical reaction is at all subtle though. Eons of combat training and discipline dissapear in a flash and his expression shows the full extent of his shock. Was he dreaming? Or did his audials need repair? There must be some confusion, because he's fairly certain the little human on his desk just said that they loved him. No matter his own considerable feelings for them, he must be considerably mistaken, because that would simply be impossible.

·Except it isn't impossible. In fact, it's the truth, you tell him more than a few times over once he starts asking if you're confused or perhaps unwell. He wants to be elated, but a lifetime of training keeps that reaction well contained, as he knows from experience that these things simply cannot happen to bots like himself. Kneeling before the table you stand on, he tries not to sound pitiful or ungrateful as he requests clarification one final time, saying that he couldn't possibly expect love from one who had so much to hate him for.

·You're firm but as gentle as you might be with a fragile bit of glass as you make it undeniably clear; you love him. The only thing you're unsure of, and hoping to find out yourself, is whether or not he feels the same. All the expectation in your eyes compels him to act as impulsively as a sparkling, and he emphatically returns your feelings in a hushed reply, raising a tender hand to hold your little body in the rush of emotion shooting through him.

·There's a moment of icy reality to stop him in his tracks. Don't you know what he's done? What being with him could put you at risk of? That there's nothing to be gained from entangling yourself in the mess he's made of his life? Well accustomed to this behavior, you stand your ground and look him square in the optics, affirming that you're well aware of everything he's just said, but that the only thing you want from him is him, so everything you must endure in relation to him is already worth the struggle. In a rare burst of emotion he pulls your little body to his chest for the gentlest of hugs.

·He laughs for the first time in what has to be eons. There's the smallest hint of a fog in his optics as you find yourself tearing up too, overwhelmed by this hulking bot finally opening up to you completely and just being happy. For his part, he can't truly believe any of this is yet real, but he isn't going to bother with that for now. To know you love him is the greatest peace he's ever experienced, but also the most invigorating kind of euphoria. There's youthful hope in his spark again, encouraging his desire to explore and experience the wonders of life now that he has you at his side, but for this single moment he's content to just... be. One bot, one human, embracing through their laughter and tears.

Swerve

·Somehow he forgets he was polishing a glass at all in the second it takes for it to shatter upon impact with the ground. You had been talking, going round in a way that suggested you were intent on getting to a particular topic, but then...? The glass is forgotten as he gently cuts off your attempt at an apology, spark pulsing and voicebox constricting as he asks you to repeat yourself, looking like he's terrified beyond all belief as he does so. A kind of fear he hasn't felt in a long time prevents him from pretending to be okay like he's so used to doing.

·At your careful reassurance that you did indeed say you love him, and that you meant it, he speaks so softly in response you can barely hear him. The questions he whispers are slow and deliberate, and if he could see anything but you he'd be grateful no one else is present to witness him acting so... shy. He has to make sure though, because it just doesn't seem possible; you love him? Beautiful, intelligent, funny, caring you is in love with... him? But he loves you too, and that means you love each other, and how is that possible?!

·Disbelief slowly melts into a happiness he's afraid to let in only because it's so foreign to him, but bit by bit he begins to realize this is actually happening, and his lonely spark lets the feeling in. Tears start to drop from his foggy visor as a trembling smile pulls up his cheeks, compelling you to reach out from your spot on the bar and invite him into a comforting hug. While he clarifies that he's never felt better, he still happily takes the hug, pulling in your tiny body with his large servos and carefully holding you close.

·Feeling the warmth of you against him sends another wave of beautiful confirmation through him; this is real. The loneliness that always plagued his spark seems insignificant now, as if he's gained a kind of perspective just knowing someone like you could care so deeply for him. All of his friends, all of his patrons, and you at the very center of it all... Why wasn't he ever able to see just how much warmth and goodness there was before this moment?

·Tears are streaming down his face when he lets you go, and at your concern he assures you it's nothing to worry about. There are more questions, but they're happy now, and he's smiling like never before as you dutifully answer every query whilst dabbing his cheeks with a towel that's blanket sized for you. He wants to know; when did you start to have feelings? Does this mean you really don't mind his jokes? Can he tell the others? Is he handsome by human standards? There's so much for him to say but, for once, no rush to say it. Somehow he's finally realized that he doesn't need to talk to get your attention, he just needs to be himself, and the banter is simply a lovely bonus.

Rung

·Though he's certain he misheard, he removes his glasses almost on instinct, looking to the little lifeform he's grown so close to with an unguarded expression of apprehension tinged with hope, gentle but rarely seen optics looking to you with that vulnerability he keeps so well hidden from everyone else. You only remain silent because you briefly lose yourself in his gaze, which is as desperate as it is due to him wanting so badly to believe he did indeed just hear what he's uncertain is actually possible. The request for you to repeat is so soft it's barely audible. Thin digits try to polish his lenses as is his custom when concealing stress, but he fumbles so frequently he has to cease just as he begins.

·You stand near the edge of the table, speaking slowly and clearly so there can be no misunderstanding. The confession is indeed irrefutable this time around, the simple words breaking the silence with their surprising weight and drawing a tiny gasp from him in the process. His hand over his mouth prevents further exclamations, though he's certainly not capable of making any in his current state. Something in the depths of his being has always yearned for this, but he never dared to even dream it could happen, that he could love and in return be loved.

·Tears on his precious face spur you to act, if only because they're absolutely heartbreaking, but as he moves his hand from his mouth you see that despite his sobs he's absolutely beaming. You're surprised even further when he laughs through the tears, and at your prompting says that he's just overwhelmed. You, wonderful and thoughtful and brilliantly unique little you, in love with the bot no one can remember? What has he ever done to be this fortunate? Admittedly he's not fully convinced that this isn't a dream, but he has no intention of letting that stop him from basking in this wonderful feeling.

·You can't help but cry a little too, seeing him overwhelmed in a way you never could have anticipated. Tiny human hands take his offered servo and guide the tip of his digit to brush adoringly over your cheek, just as he so often does, but you notice that for the first time ever there's no hesitation to the action. There's only pure, serene affection. Looking into his optics, you see a mech almost made new, as if the validation you give him just by existing and loving him has changed his entire outlook on life. For a bot who does so much for others, you can't even begin to describe how wonderful it is to give him that peace.

·Still as bashful as they come, he blushes when you move in to embrace him from the tables edge on a whim, but the sheepish hesitation quickly gives way to a mutual hug. The hum of his spark is almost melodic in your ears as you press your head into his warm chest. Your tiny heartbeat, just perceptible to the servo he has cradling you close, is equally jubilant to his touch. The beauty of it all is almost enough to make him dizzy; for the first time in his life he feels truly seen, truly heard, truly here. Reality is still moving just as it was before, but now he genuinely feels like he is a part of it all, here with you in his loving arms. You make him certain that he's worth remembering.

[popculturebuffet]

Scottrospective: Scott Pilgrim Vs the Universe or So Sad So Very Very Sad

Hello all you happy Scottaholics! And welcome back to Scottrospective, my 8 part look at Scott Pilgrim: all 6 volumes of the comic as well as the game and movie just in time for their respective 10th Anniversaries. If your just joining us or needa  quick refresher, here are links to the other four parts, in order: Precious Little Life, Vs The World (Comic), Infinite Sadness, and last month’s look at my favorite volume Gets It Together. And if that’s not enough to fill your belly with Scotty Goodness, hop over to my patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet.  There you’ll find reviews of all the content I didn’t have time for in the retrospective proper: Free Scott Pilgrim, The Wonderful World of Kim Pine, Monica Beetle, Style, and the bonus comic strips. It’s only a dollar to get access to the bonus reviews, and every bit you can give not only helps me make these reviews int he first place, but gets me closer to my stretch goals, the 25 and 30 dollar ones including looks at O’Malley’s Other Works: Lost At Sea and Seconds for the former and Snotgirl for the latter. 

But more than plugging my past and paid works, there’s something else far more important I need to get to before I get into this one: Thank You. No Seriously thank all of you who have been reading these, liking them. My Precious Little Life Review is easily one of the most liked things i’ve ever had on this blog, getting more viewers every day, and last month’s look at Gets it Together is STILL racking up likes. Given most of my non-duck reviews, paid for and on my own time, tend to be ignored half the time, this just warms my heart. It shows me two great things: that even after a decade Scott Pilgrim still has a huge following and given how young this platform tends to skew that it’s gaining more fans every day, and that people care about what I have to say about htis wonderful comic. It really touches me to both know my voice matters and that something I truly loved as a teen and still do now is STILL picking up more and more fans. What i’m saying is you guys are the best and I wouldn’t be doing these reviews without your support of my very hard work. These are some of the hardest reviews i’ve done at times, but seeing you all enjoy them makes it all worth it. 

As for the Volume itself there’s something I just gotta get off my chest right away: I HATED this volume when it came out. To understand why you have to consider my mental state: I was a teenager at the time, in my junior year of high school. Scott Pilgrim was my goddamn world: while I was picking up comics monthly at the time this was honestly the first north american comic I loved and obessed over and Scott and friends were like family to me. To an awkward teen who couldn’t talk to girls, struggled to keep the video game club a friend founded together in a way that in hindsight was wholly unecessary, and getting messed with due to my anger issues by friend, foe and frenemy alike, Scott was my port in the storm. A sunny version of Tornoto where I could retreat to to feel at peace.

So yeah this shattered the fuck out of that peace and was essentially one long slow motion kick to the balls to a younger me: Hollie gets derailed and horribly betrays Kim, runing my faviorite characters life and leading to her LEAVING, Scott and Ramona’s relationship crumbles, the band breaks up , and the volume ends with Gideon still gunning for our hero because life hadn’t punched him in the face enough for one month. I was livid, not stopping the series, obviously, but upset that everything i’d grown to care about was basically gone in a flash and couldn’t understand WHY O’Malley would fucking do this to me. This volume was also what kept me from re-reading the books for as long as I did as while the rest had fond memories all the ones I had of this one were pure misery.

But by the time i re-read it in december of last year I had two important things in my hands that helped me truly enjoy this one: The first was Volume 6 itself: knowing things would work out, that most of the bad stuff would be undone and in a truly awesome and satisfying way helped.

The other thing was the perspective that came with growing older: For one as an adult while I still like Scott as a character and find him intresting I no longer look up to him, nor put stock in his hapiness for his own. Sure I still care about characters and relate to some, but Bojack Horseman taught me the hard way you CAN’T put all your hopes in a character’s fate or them getting better for you to get better. 

The other is that while this volume again is pretty bleak after a while.. it’s also NECESSARY. Part of the series charm is i’ts realisim and a sad part of real life is people can drift apart from you, and things can change seemingly all at once. And things moving the way they do is necessary for the ending: every step and move here puts things where they need to be for the final chapter.  The pain our heroes go through is necessary so they can all grow.. except Stephen and Wallace. Stephen sucks and Wallace dosen’t need to change. He does need his own spinoff. But for Scott, Ramona and Kim the trials to come are necessary to make them into their best selves by series end. 

So join me under the cut as we get sad so very very sad, this is Scott Pilgrim vs the Universe. 

Precious Little Life:  We open with Scott’s Birthday! Hit it MC Chris!

But yes it’s septmeber and Scott is now 24 years old. Also Julie is there because presumibly Stephen dredged her out of her swamp for the evening despite Julie likely not wanting to be there and Scott sure a shell not wanting her there.  He vows that he will be the best 24 year old ever...... yeah let’s take a brief look into the future to see how that pans out

But we have a full volume and more metaphorical rakes to whack Scott in the face before that paticular one. 

A MONTH AND A FEW DAYS LATER

It’s the day of the dead, whoa ho way down in Tornoto. It’s hosted by Satan Herself, who dosen’t realize the holiday for hags was yesterday. This is for remembering the dead and rising out of the grave to go resuce your young wards by ramming a bunch of guys in butterfly costumes with your car or stealing your children’s kidneys.  This is Rat Girl’s new place, a fancy loft she and 3 other girls went on to throw the best parties beaause of course. She’s also a bitch to our hero and heroine because of course. 

But Scott soon has more important things to worry about: Ramona spots his next two opponents.. the twins hinted at last time, Kyle and Ken Kataynagi, Perfect Jerk and Handsome Asshat respectively.

Kyle and Ken are easily the least intresting of the 7 exes. With the other 4 so far having been a loveable ham, a stoic movie star whose suprisingly nice and dies via skateboard, a gloriously douchey and dumb psychic evil version of our much more loverable dumb douche with personal connections to both him and Ramona, and Roxy who was genuinely sympathetic, held back by her own selfishness and anger.. we get.. two smug assholes who use robots. Their not UNINTRESTING, the robots have cool designs and the fight with them is genuinely exciting.. but they just don’t have the charisma or personal factor. Their jsut two assholes ramona dated at the same time who happen to know more about her well guarded past than the other exes and are more liable to bring it up.. and even then it’s not anything new as Envy pulled similar tactics far more intrestingly in volume 3. THey don’t ruin the volume or anything, thier fine, but I just wish O’Malley had done more. Especially since he clealry had more intresting ideas with them: the sound battle we saw in the movie was an early draft of this and one early draft had Scott’s previously unseen brother Laurence working with them. I don’t knowWHY he scrapped that as it raises the stakes and makes this far more personal for Scott. Which at this point is what the exes SHOULD be: Todd and Roxy BOTH were more personal threats, Todd being his ex’s boyfriend and first love and Roxy being a genuine competior for Ramona. These guys again are just two douchers who show up because we need 7 douchers to complete the doucher circle. 

So the twins declare their not going to fight scott.. and instead send a tiny robot to fight him. Awww. But for this fight O”Malley does something really intresting and creative.. he dosen’t focus on it. No really Ken and Kyle are dicks to Ramona so Kim wisely gets her out of there, and the two have a casual talk on the balcony while Ramona smokes. It’s some fun banter between the two that both shows why their shipped to all hell. The two just play off each other really damn well. Though we also get Craphole asking people if they want to come watch Scott get beat up because the worst. 

Something important character stuff comes up though: As was shown last time at her rightful rage that Stephen HAD an opportunity to book a gig and kept refusing it for his fecking album, Kim is still fairly salty about the whole recording an album bullshit. The biggest part of it..

It’s something you really DON’T expect to here coming out of kim: that she really LIKED the band. But beneath the pillar of salt she puts out daily... these were her friends, this was getting to do something creative and passionate, and it was a break from the daily grind. Even if her job isn’t TERRIBLE, getting to watch movies and hang out with her best friend Clerks style.. it’s still a retail job and those still weigh on you.. though frankly i’d take one of those over food service but sadly tha’ts what i get most of the time. This was fun.. and Stephen ripped that away from her for his own selfish reasons. No one else in the band really cared about making an album.. if Stephen REALLY wanted to find a more professional band.. then he should’ve just told them so Scott and Kim could find someone else to do guitars for them. Instead he forced them into doing something they don’t want to do and refuses to actually play shows, which COULD help both perfect songs for the album version and get them new fans for said upcoming album and provide them recurring venues to SELL said album,  because he really just wants to be with Joseph and fuck anyone else. Stephen is really just an inhernetly selfish git and i’ll get more into that in a bit. But first Wallace has a text for Scott. 

Now I COULD have just skipped over this.. but I didn’t want to. Plus we dont’ se Wallace for a while in this story so i’m taking what I can get. 

So back to Stephen being a repugnant ass. I’ve been waiting for this scene for the entire retrospective. I”ve hinted at it, and largely blamed it for why I hate him so damn much. The time is nigh to explain WHY. 

Stephen is with Knives, as the two are close friends and such. Stephen expalins Sex Bomb-Omb isn’t playing because he and the personfication of bitchiness broke up. Which knives points out is for...

But it’s clear from context this was the LAST time. Why he still got invited I dunno, plot convience. So far so normal.. until Stephen picks up that Knives is STILL hung up on Scott. Which is understandable crushes can last a while but i’ts equally understandable that Stephen is utterly baffled by it. Which I get,  I didn’t make an entire tom lucitor retropsecitve because I liked that his relationship with Star ended with him stepping aside due to what the show thought was “true wuv” but what comes off instead as his self loathing casuing him to blame himself for a realtionship that’s crumbling for reasons that aren’t his fault. 

And his actions here are incredibly well meant: He bluntly gives Knives the wake up call she DOES need: Scott cheated on her, he dated her because she was easy to date, strung her along for a bit while seeing someone else, then dumped her with not one care for her well being. That is stuff she NEEDS to get into her head so she can move on. She needs to see him for what he IS and not for what she’s built him up as in her head. And while yeah his rant DOSNE’T take into account the fact Scott geninely tried to make up for his actions in volume 3, Stephen wasn’t there for that and Knives probbably didn’t tell him about it.  So from his point of view scott broke her heart and did nothing.. and evne IF he knew that, Scott still hasn’t tried to do anything since despite Knives still being obessed with him nor come clean to her or Ramona at any point. Scott deserves this call out and the consequences that come with it. 

So your probably wondering WHY I hate Stephen because of this scene when he’s you know, RIGHT. Well it’s simple: being right dosen’t save you from being a MASSIVE hypcorite. He’s railing on Scott for cheating and hurting someone.. when he cheated on Julie and would’ve hurt her if she had the capacity for human emotion, empathy, or self awarness. The ending of the last volume and how bad, even for them, their relationship was implied the hell out of it, with him nervous when she brings up being paranoid over knives.. as if he WAS cheating. on One Face just not with a teenage girl but a grown ass man who hates everyone as much as BLARARARGAGAG does. 

Not only that.. but he was with Julie for the SAME DAMN reasons Scott was with Knives: it was easy. Now I WILL grant Stephen some sympathy: he’s a queer man and as one myself, bi for the record, I GET how fucking hard it is to come to terms with that, that what you thought you were isn’t ENITRELY true or, if Stephen is gay and not bi or pan, ENIRELY FALSE. So I do have some care that it was hard for him to sort all this out. I do and that Jospeh could’ve seduced him or what not. We don’t have all the context here. But he STILL cheated at the end of the day instead of telling her he was queer until MONTHS later.  And why yes the fact I have to feel bad for JULIE does make it that much worse. And yes their relationsihp COULD simply be that toxic or she could’ve gaslit him, but it seemed more like their relationship was messy breakups and getting back together over and over. While Julie IS vile, she’s not a domestic abuser mental or physical as far as I can tell. She’s a bitch and their relatioship is unehlathy but there was no indication their relationship involved gaslighting or evne phsyical violence: it was just fucked from minute one. So yeah he stayed in an awful relationship beacuse it was easier than coming out, when he should’ve broken it off as soon as it was clear he and Joseph were actually going somewhere. Waiting while he figured out who he was is one thing, tha’ts fiar, but cheating on someone just because you don’t have the nerve to break it off with them when their genuinely awful to you and your only hurting them as much as they can be hurt by dragging this out... yeah that just makes you an ass. 

Another point of contention is that he NEVER called Scott out on this. Never. Not even after this scene. Never encouraged him to tell Ramona or apologize to Knives, again he didn’t know Scott already had tried that. Never gets on him.. he just ignores Scott’s shitty behavior like eveyrone else and unlike Kim, whose still got unresolved feelings and is at the very least clearly bothered by his shitty behavior, and Neil, whose young and thus like me likely looked up to Scott at the time, he dosen’t have an excuse other than “Well I don’t want to ruin our friendship by actually calling him out when he does something objectivionally awful.” Especially since Wallace DID actually take action: he didn’t break up the relationship or say anythign to Ramona, which is wrong... but he did tell scott flat out after his first date with Ramona to break up with Knives. And when Scott chickned out of that, Wallace gave him the ultimatium, may it live in empathy, to do so or he WOULD tell Ramona. And at least Wallace has a motive for not telling Ramona other than “I don’t want to risk my friendship with a guy I really don’t care about and think is shitty”. He wanted to see Scott recover from Envy, something Stephen never gave ONE. SHIT. ABOUT. He saw Ramona was good for him and knew telling her, while the RIGHT thing to do, would severely harm Scott, and by volume 4 leave him homeless. Plus Wallace frankly enabled him for some time anyway, letting him live at their place rent free and paying for all his food and frequently letting Scott steal his credit card. WIth Wallace at least while it’s not the RIGHT move, it’s understandable and complicated vs Stephen who really dosen’t seem to like or get along with Scott after volume 1, suddenly cares what happens to his relationship. 

And what proves this... is this little exchange that ends the conversation. 

Knives despite her issues, despite blinding herself to how Scott treated her, despite everything... thinks Ramona should know. And she’s right. And Stephen KNOWS THIS. He knows it was the right thing to do and just.. takes a swig instead of admitting he’s a fucking hypocrite or explaining himself in any way.  He NEVER cared about Ramona’s feelings or how this would effect her or saw her as important in any way shape or form. Kim at least clearly feels guilty. Wallace clearly is only doing so because it’s better for both her and Scott that their together and is a flawed human being. Stephen.. just dosen’t do so out of some masculine bullshit code of not ratting out your friend and his own cowardace. He clearly COULD go walk up to Ramona right now and tell her, but he won’t. And again I don’t buy he honeslty cares enough about Scott for their friendship to TRULY be enough of a factor to stop that. Fuck. Stephen. Stills. 

So Scott wins naturally, but is bummed there’s no reward.. but Stephen points out there’s tons of free food over yonder so he noms before he and Ramona leave. 

We get some cute domestic bits with Scott and ramona: Scott playing games on her phone all day, the two cooking dinner, and Scott admititng he hasn’t thought of envy at all. “I have you now”. Though through it there are some signs of unease: Scott finds a letter to Gideon, and Ramona asks about her hair and stares out into the window. Nice little hints that even before the big bomb abotu to drop she’s not at ease.. she loves Scott.. but it’s hard for her to let herself BE happy. It’s easy to wager she wasn’t for most of her life. 

Can’t Face Up

So next we find Sex Bomb-Omb working on the album. Or rather Stephen and Joseph are. Scott and Kim are praying for death but death won’t come and Kim wonders why the fuck this isn’t finished. Joseph wants her out of his house... forgetting that Kim lives in said house. 

Still his expressoin implies he’s going to do a murder on her if she stays in the room and since Drummers are hard to come by Stephen spirits them to kim’s room for a band meeting. Turns out they do have a gig but naturally Rosemary’s Baby booked it... and they haven’t practiced in months because Stephen’s a moron. He theorizes it’s Freddy’s Revenge, which is admitely probably valid though Kim can TELL something worse happened Stephen won’t cop to because he’s a piece of shit. I spent several paragraph’s establishing that. They try blaying and two sucktacular minutes i’ts clear their fucked sunday. 

So after a scene of Knives trying HARD to justify Scott’s actions and blame htem on Ramona, to no success, we get one of my faviorite parts of this book: Scott rambling on for god knows how long about the x-men while Ramona gets dressed and is presumibly barely listneing. 

I relate so hard to this it hurts. While not this era I wll GLADLY go on and on about X-Men and anything X-Adjacent at any goddamn opportunity and anyone who reads my blog on a regular basis and you know this. I need to tlak more x-men outside of my slowly failing New X-Men retrospective (Which is on the back burner because no one seeems to genuinely care after chapter one). If I did have a signifgant other, they would probably end up in a situation like this quite a lot and i’d have no shame about it. 

I also love this scene even more as while I DID love x-men at the time, I wasn’t quite the mega fan I was, nor as familiar with Claremont’s long, epic and often fucking weird in the special wonderful way only comics can run. Given I OWN over half his run at this point, that has changed. Though oddly not this part. So not only do I get Scott’s talking about x-men I Know what SPECIFICALLY. 

And for the unitatied, a quick explination of what the fuck Scott’s going on and on about: In the late 80′s, the x-men fought a reality warping malevolent trickster god named the Adversary. IN order to beat him their friend forget had to perform a cermony to lock his ass away that required willingly given life forces. The X-Men did REALLY fucking die.. but the Goddess Roma, daughter of Merlin and enemy of the advesary brought them back to life. With their deaths having been broadcast on live tv, and with tons of dangerous enemies at their heels, the X-Men choose to let the world continue to think they were dead so they could hit said enemies where it hurt.

SO this is where Scott’s story comes in:The X-Men’s first mission was clearing out the reavers, a bunch of racist cyborgs, from a ghost town which they took over as their base. As Scotty said they traveled all over the world, fought aliens, more racists, and then went to New York as it literally went ot hell. it’s a LOT and I haven’t read most of that era. I just know about it. I have read that last part though: the x-men were ambushed while wolveirne was away by said racist cyborgs so Psylocke shoved them through the siege perilous, a gate thingy romana gave them that would give them a new life and amnesia and such, leaving wolveirne to get crucified till Jubilee, who’d been hiding in their base gary busey style, freed him. The two would travel the world, find psylocke body swapped which is why she was asian for several decades, and get into general stuff for a few years real time till the X-Men slowly reunited. And you probbaly dind’t need to hear all of that but your life is better for knowing it. 

As you can tell Ramona’s discontent is mounting. And probably not because of Scott rambling about x-men. Last night he told her about the time Magneto beat them all because they stupidly rushed him one at a time then forced them into high tech chairs while a robotic nanny babbied them and then esecaped because shut up before fighting magneto, getting surrounded by lava and having beast ASSUME they were dead because fuck actually coming back and searching just in case like a rational human being because magma or no the x-men have surivived worse, including the depths of space, and restoring all of reality from scratch.  I may of just read those issues tonight. 

She procedes to make things worse for our hero as when he asks fo rher advice.. she reveals she dosen’t like his band.. and while she means nothing BY that, she’s nice about it, telling him his band sucks days before a sudden show where you guys eat a lot isn’t something you do. Wallace is naturally even less helpful and maybe his not liking the band is why we barely see him interact. Maybe he just figured Stepheen was on the fence sexuality wise but wasn’t willing to put up with Julie to test that. I dunno. 

So at the restraunt Stephen’s a dick, refusing to help Scott with his problems. WHich for once are legitamte as he worries abotu Ramona keeping secrets. He just wants to talk about hte band.. but 48 or something hours after this he has no real plan. 

Scott mopes to Kim about Ramona and she has some sage advice for him...

Also thing one and thing two are at the bar with a remote. This cannot end well... granted givne our heroes are not at all prepared and are playing two diffrent songs, this was never going to end well. 

And things only get worse for Scott in the bathroom.. he’s not there.. but his girlfriend and his ex are. Knives tries to work it out.. but Ramona being a bit short with her, which is fair given Knives tried to stab her a bunch a few months back and never apologized, leading to a quick fight.. but with Knives heart not in it this time and Ramona pissed and this time NOT confsued as to what the hell ihs going on, it ends with Ramona slamming knives into a wall... and Knives sadly revealing the truth to Ramona...

The scene hits like a truck with both devistated.. Ramona not having realized Scott with this shitty.. and Knives FINALLY accepting that he is. Finally letting her obession with him drop and realize what he was and what he did and let the full impact hit. The last part also hits hard “No One Else Would’ve Told You’.  It’s a sad hard truth and it’s CLEARLY something that hits both women hard.  For Knives it’s realizing Kim and Stephen, who she’s increidbly close to at this point, both don’t have the stomach to do the right thing, and thus hid this from her and Ramona. Stephen DID tell her.. but he still didn’t have the guts to tell RAMONA nor the actual care. It’s the realization the people she looked up to truly let her down and that she had to do what they couldn’t, even if it tore her apart to do it. For Ramona it’s realizing her closest friends outside of Scott could’ve told her and never did. No matter how close she’s gotten to Kim and Wallace, neither gave a fuck about her rights or her need to know. 

So Ramona is rattled and barely speaks while Scott has been fighting anothe rrobot and ends the gig accidnetly smashing his bass. Stephen is pissy with him and blames hi mfor runing the gig, which turned out to be a trap anyway complete with fliers. 

Ramona decides to gently throw him out as he forgot his keys while his other friends won’t house him leaving him with the one friend he has who dosen’t hate him right now. WALLACE!

The Glow:

So at Casa De Welles, Wallace has some buddy time, not making any bones about the fact Ramona clearly threw Scott out for the night and wearing a neat robe. Scott mopes about the fact he hasn’t met mobile whose apparenlty on the astral plane. I wonder if he has any buisness with Emma.. I mean the x-men did live in san fran sicsio but given decimation didn’t have many psychics. Might’ve been tryign to get another one. THey didn’t have a whole island that walks like a man yet.  And while Wallace wasn’t in much of a coaching mood last time he is willing to help. He couldn’t get bupkiss on the twins since Scott can’t even remember their names, but he did pull off a miracle. Despite their being a million Gideons in New York.. Wallace found THE Gideon. Granted all he got was his full name, Gideon Gordon Graves, and a few burry photos, one with Ramona confirming this is our douche, but given he had only a first name and an ex to work with this is some damn fine work. Wallace asks scott about his future with Ramona but he just.. has no earthly idea because of course he dosen’t. He hasn’t REALLY thought about what comes after beating the exes because he never thinks anything through. Interesting stuff The next day Scott meets up with Kim at No Account Video and we get our first, and I mean literally first, indiciation things are falling apart with her and Hollie. Scott wants to say hi, Kim refuses him and gives a smart ass comment when he asks if them being roomates isn’t working out. He wasn’t even being a dick it’s just clear SOMETHING bad’s going on she won’t talk about because she puts up walls around hrself on a GOOD day and this clearly isn’t one.

It gets worse when they stop by Stephen’s place only to find Neil whose both taken up a combination of smoking and moping in a dark room. Never a good sign. Nor is Stephen apparenlty being at band practice.. meaning either he lied to Neil about where he went.. or he already started the band we’ll see him with next volume and is already stabbing his friends in the back. There wasn’t much to like about the guy to BEGIN with, but his behavior just gets worse with every volume and it’s reached it’s apex here. The speech was shitty enough, I spent several paragraphs explaning why, but the rest of his behavior isn’t much better. He abandoned two people who were, for god knows what reason loyal to him and abandoned the band because of some bearded asshole probably encouraging him to. 

We also get some telling behavior on Kim’s part. Whlie she’s usually morose around Scott in the face of this both just hang out, it’s plesant. She even smiles when she asks if it’s going to be a regular occurance when he stays with her that night. Granted she brings back her frown soon after, but as has been clear her feelings for him never really went away entirely, and this is the closest the two have been in volumes, just enjoying each others company. It’s also telling that Scott trusts kim with a favor.

We see the favor the next page: Kim hangs out with Ramona.. and Scott marchs in completely on purpose soon after. Granted Kim probably didn’t know THIS was part of the plan, and it’s mildly stupid.. but it DOES show progress for Scott. Keep in mind his usual tactic is “avoid the fuck out of it and hope it goes away’ So ACTUALLY wanting to talk about things and find her again, and not doing it in a creepy way but simply drawing her out with a friend, shows SOME maturlity. It’s still not the most mature.. but with Ramona clearly not wanting him at their place, her work not having a set location as she just picks stuff up and drops it off (And even if she’s picking up packages at the post office we don’t know which one or if there’s multiple and even if we did scott sure as hel l does not), he was out of options. It also WORKS, with Ramona breaking her mopeynesss to laugh and Kim stunned it didn’t just piss her off further. 

So we find out what happened with Hollie when Scott brings up jason. She points out they were dating but... welllllllll

Yeah... as you could probably tell I do not like this plot point at all. For one thing we never really got to KNOW Jason, and with him and Hollie getting a little too cozy at the end of the last volume...

It’s clear his ONLY roll in the story was to be there so Hollie could betray Kim in some way. And look I get a LOT in this series happens while we’re not looking, ti’s part of it’s charm. Things not pausing for the side cast is a trope I enjoy: it allows some things to progress faster and allows for some intresting stories when the main cast catches up. Steven Unvierse and Ducktales both used this well as does Scott Pilgrim but all three weren’t immune to someitnes goofing up and taking it too far. 

This whole situation is that: Hollie is a character I got attached to: She had a great report with kim, they were really close and she offered her a place to stay when it was clear she was miserable with the four horseman of the bitchpocalypse she lived with. So while having her suddenly heel turn is realistic... it just feels thorughly unsatisfying. We do not see Hollie again after she’s sudeenly derailed, so we never get to see what she’s apparenlty REALLY like or get any explination why this happened. Suddenly Kim’s best friend is a douchebag even though it makes no sense for her character. Just because in real life people can turn out to be really shitty on a dime dosen’t mean it’s a neat thing to READ in a story and it feels like a waste of what was one of the series best side characters. And granted i’ve been through FAR worse treatment of side characters, trust me but this one still blows to this day and if there is a netflix adaptation this either needs to not happen or have actual depth. Seriously Netflix your adapting everything else, get on the bus already. 

Scott is GENUINELY apologetic, we’ve rarely seen him this nice but he genuinely feels bad for her.. and unlike Stephen’s thing it’s okay to feel shitty someone got cheated on even if you were a cheater in the past. As I said Stephen wasn’t wrong about how Scott treeted knives.. he just also was trying to take moral high ground which Knives proved he absolutely did not have in seconds.

This triggers Ramona’s glow, the squggly line thing that shows up over her head ocasoinally.. and while Ramona grills Scott... Kim just finally asks what the hells up with her head. Scott’s reaction is “OH good you guys see it too”. Kim does try to show it to ramona but it’s gone by then and she drops it for now and outside encourages her to come to Julie’s latest shitty party.. I mean their miserable but at least it gives thems omething to do

So we get another instalment of “Scott rambles about the X-Men” or New Mutants in this case as we’re talking about Magik, Aka Illyana Rasputin 

So for the long version: The X-Men were staying at a creepy temple that Magneto had been working out of beause the mansion was being repaired. Colossus, everyone’s favorite Russian and Deadpool co-star, had his kid sister Illyana with him as Arcade, a ginger maniac assasian whose gimmick is creating elaborate murder theme parks, kidnapped her in a plot to get the x-men to fight Dr. Doom for him. Given this was during the Cold War they coudln’t exactly take her back, so she stayed with the X-Men and her beloved big brother. 

So naturlaly the spooky temple decorated in Cthulu’s had a portal to hell in it and  an evil and genirc looking fucker named Belasco kidnapped her to a hell dimension known as Limbo>  the X-Men went after her as you’d expect and things got WEIRD as due to some complicated and weird time dialition stuff I sitll don’t quite understand there ended up being two copies of the x-men: ours who came in right after, and a second batch who stayed there for about 7-8 years and got warped by Bellsaco’s magic as he killed or changed most of them. As a result Storm became a sorcerer to fight back, Kitty Pryde became some sort of cat creature and Kurt became a creepy evil version of himself. Illyana stayed htere, learned magics from both storm and asshole, learned to fight from cat kitty, and eventually escaped after a lot of horrible bullshit, hardnered and with her soul scarred from it, now a teenager. She joined the New Mutants, the training class of x-men in the comics, soon after. She’s a member agian in present day, one of the great captains of Krakoa, and one of the two co-leaders of Krakoa’s younger mutants, i.e. 20 something to teens and kids. 

This is the best of the two scenes as the narrative , or at least Scott’s versions parallels Ramona’s own; Getting taken in by an evil man and feeling tainted by that. 

So at the party Ramona runs into Neil whose a dick about it and with some girl. She WAS going to be fleshed out more in the original draft but Brian ended up scrapping it for time, but does regret it. It’s here we get Neil’s face punchingly dickish comment that’s also a massive hint as to Stephen’s sexuality. 

Yeah even if Stephen’s been an UTTERLY shitty friend to him.. this was uncalled for even for the late 2000′s. What a prick. I do like the arc of Neil slowly falling apart though getting more and more bitter as his old friends abandoned him casually, especailly Stephen. While his comment was still HORRIBLY unwarranted even with Stephen being a dipshit. 

Speaking of assholes we get our last major with Julie who berates Scott for grabbing some booze and brings in the twist. I’m.. i’m not even bothering to give her an insluting and weird nickname. She’s still a HORRIBLE piece of shit, as she brought Scott’s enemies there to try and beat him to death for her own amusment and berated him for getting booze at a party she CLEARLY expected him to come to, but she’s ALMOST gone. Seriously after this she’s GONE for the volume and barely in the rest of the series. So i’d rather celebrate FINALLY having earned my freedom over worrying about her any more than i have to. Cue the music!

So with that Kyle.. or is it Ken. 

But the blonde one needles ramona, giving her her faviorite booze and telling her “this is all just temproary”

So Ramona gets all glowy.. and Kim gets her phone out....

The Universe Fights Back So in a random bedroom Ramona gives up the ghost: SHe DOES know what that is she just can’t tell Kim. Kim accepts it and they share some drinks. Scott, after beheading the douche bros latest science project, joins them and we get a lovely scene of the three drinking and bonding and geneuinely just having a good time. Though Kim DOES mention that she wants to go back to school.. This will naturally be very important. 

What’s more important is this scene is ENITRELY while I poly ship these three dum dums. I mean while part of thier hapiness here is their blasted out of hteir heads, it’s also just Kim’s wall sbeing down. She tells the two she loves them, and I think MEANS IT. Not to mention this...

Okay maybe it’s just the two of them but they also love Scott. And again I get htier VERY obviously drunk.. but given Kim and Ramona are clearly actively supressing any bi parts of themselves most of hte time this is telling. The fact Ramona asks kim to sleep in THIER bed, likely with them, is ALSO very telling and Kim only dosen’t because their using sub space. No really that’s the only reason this volume didn’t end VERY diffrently with the three of htem having a three way before the argument coming up.. and possibly fixing said argument by having kim to mediate. I mean I get Scott’s not a big part of this so if you don’t want to ship him with them and just leave them alone that’s fine, ut I like the idea of them as a throuple: they ballance each other out.. and frakly with Scott’s irresponsblity and Ramona’s emotoinal issues they need someone to call them b oth out in the relationship, while these two are two of the only three people in the work i’ve seen Kim take her walls down for. Not even Jason got that, but Jason was also a carboard cutout. 

Things take a turn from Kim.. from an almost threesome where she CLEARLY would be getting most of the attention... to two assholes kidnapping her. Now while I don’t like the twins that much their plan for the final act IS actually clever: their the first ones to think to actually use the people Scott cares about.. or anything resembling strategy really. Matt just charged int here, Lucas coudln’t give less of a fuck, Todd just used brute strength like a teletkentic juggernaught, and Roxy DID use some but it was less to actually fight scott and more to get into ramona’s pants again. The twins see Kim clearly still loves Scott, and that while he acts aloff to her sometimes she really is one of his best friends. No really, think about it. Wallace is his BEST friend.. but Kim sticks by him even when he’s shitty, calls him out when needed, and despite her grumpiness is the one who has the most faith in him out of ANYONE. It’s a large point of the volume: she dosen’t bother watching the fights.. because she belivies he’ll win simply because he’s Scott. That’s love right there. The kind of love that gets you kidnapped as part of an elaborate scheme but love nonetheless. 

So we then get the scene that’s been coming for five volumes... after having sex, Ramona confronts Scott. While Scott admits he didn’t cheat on her with knvies, the other way around, that’s not better. He admits he’s been trying to forget about it.. and she calls him a bad person. And that. .hits him hard. While he DESERVES scorn for what he did... as he puts it next he’s been trying to change for her. To BE better. And all she sees, and outright confirms is another evil ex in waiting with Scott DESPERATE to prove her wrong and wrongly thinking beating the next three exes will fix this. It’s a VERY hard sceen to watch as while Scott does deserve this.. it’s also hard not to feel bad for him too. It really sums up the character: He is a dick.. but he’s TRYING to be better. He WANTS to be, he just dosen’t know how. And MAN can I relate to that.  It dosen’t help that Ramona is clearly projecting her own insecurties about this lasting, about actually being happy and about this really being her life onto him, using this as an easy out after having a month of doubt. Yes Scott did something unbelivibely shitty.. but both are trying to take the easy way out of it instead of genuinely discussing why it’s shitty, what he did was wrong and geniuinely unpacking if this is the end. Ramona clearly wants to bail, and Scott clearly just wants to punch a few guys to make it better. Neither thing will work. They need to work thorugh their issues to work... but neither is capable of that right now. They both want to run from the problem. 

This volume is in part about Ramona herself.. and showcasing her OWN flaws.. and like Scott her biggest is that she runs. She wants to escape her past too and both assumed the other would be an easy fix, that by having a good partner they’d be better.. when really their both mildly shitty people who need to make peace with their past and repair the bridges they’ve burnt and flip off the ones not worht reparing instead of running from it all the time. But sadly before both can.. their just gonna run again. Because sometimes fixing yourself is just not that easy. 

So the next morning Scott’s heart stops fo ra second when Ramona is seemingly gone.. only for her to instead be in teh shower. But Scott gets a text telling him the twins have Kim and TRIES to tell Ramona.. but she’s in the shower. As a result she’s worried he just ran off... and makes a decision , her hair cut back down after growing it out this volume, a sign of her hapiness.. now gone. 

The Glow Part 2 So at an abandoned wherehouse the fight is on. The twins have the advantage in part because Scott is hung over.. something they take offense to.. even though they were THERE last night. He was at a party. They don’t know he teatotles. What state did they THINK he’d be in this morning?

We also find out their origin: as Scott correctly guessed at the end of last volume, Ramona dated them both at the same time and pit them against each other. They found out and vowed to always fight as one.. which means Scott is not only fighting two equally powerful opponents at once, but two who work as a perfct team and double hurricane kick him. They also mentally break him down, pointing out her previous job and how she’s a runner and she’s here to run from her past working for Gideon.

They aren’t but I already went into that so let’s get onto more pressing issues: Scott is not only hung over but now doubting himself and his dumbass plan to beat gideon and magically fix things, while Kim is naturally not happy about being stuck in a cage all night. And while at first she’s genuinely just grumpy as always as it becomes clear Scott has lost hope and the twins are going to win this one her expression is heartbreaking...

After EVERYTHING she still loves him and can’t bear to see him in so much pain... and can’t loose him.. so she gets desperate and claims Ramona texted him to give him hope. 

This is one of Kim’s definting moments, the other coming next month. When faced with the person she loves possibly dying.. she lies to him.. so he can surivive. So he can have hope and make it through this.. despite how much it’s CLEARLY KILLING HER to not only tell him someone else loves him but to clealry lie that person loves him, knowing it’ll hurt him more.. but knowing if she DOSEN’T he’ll die. It’s one of the most painful, heartbreaking and beautiful moments in the entire series. It’s why I said earlier while I don’t like the brothers their climactic fight his excellent.. because it is. Their verbal breaking down of Scott is hearbreaking and Kim’s sacrifice equally so. 

And before stomping them into coins SCott shows further growth.. by showing he CAN give off a good one liner now...

So Scott beats them and gets Kim out of the cage, worried about her.. but despite having a chance, Kim lets him get on his way to ramona and morsoely wlaks off... while ominously the sign points out this will soon be the Chaos Theater. There’s still one left to go. 

But.. it’s sadly not enough. While Scott gives her a heartfelt speech... even if he quotes the song as long as you love me... he dosen’t care who she is.. but Ramona does.. calling herself a bad person.. as she vanishes.... and I cry my eyes out again. God two really heartbreaking scenes in a row sweet jesus this volume will be the death of me.. and not just because i’ts taken so damn long to write this review. And on top of tha the looses the cat and ends up locked out. 

World of Ruin:

So yeah if you thought those bits weren’t easy.. it only gets roughter as we see Scott in the aftermath of the breakup. His dream world is now desolate and he’s alone. Now to his creidt as much shit as i’ve given him Stephen didn’t ENTIRELY abandon Scott: he put him up fo rth enight (though he kicks him out after work) and offers to take him to after work drinks. We also see a nice side of Scott’s intimdating boss as she offers her symaptheties at him crying... while he says it’s the onions... he’s transparenlty lying. 

Next up is Kim. Though she dosen’t have a couch because Hollie sold it.. which as dickish as she suddenly is it IS her couch as Kim points out.. so yeah Kim and Scott end up sleeping awkardly in the same bed facing away from each other.. and to add another emotional guttpunch at the worst possible time: She’s going back home. 

Stacey is even lesss helpful as SCott continues to ask about cats and is unsypantethic about her leaving despite you know,  him REALLY not being at the shit talking her stage yet bud. At least we do get to see Stacey in this one I genuinely forgot she was in it. 

So at Wallace’s he’s no help either pointing out she might be with someone else because he’s wallace and we meet a guy with Glases.. and in his bad state Scott assumes i’ts gideon. it’s not though. WE finally meet Mobile!

He’s exactly what wallace needs.. a fellow sarcastic asshole. 

So next up is Kim’s goodbye.. which once again is really emotinal..a nd not just because  my faviorite character is leaving and again, younger me didn’t know this wasn’t forever.. or that she’d be back for a rather huge role next time. But still it’s a damn good scene that shows how far Scott’s come...

While the first part is standard... the second is Scott realizing that she still had feelings for him, clearly given her actions during the fight, and he’d been a right dick this whole time never dealing with it or apolgoizing for his past. Granted he still has a way to go to REALLY apologize for it... but he’s trying and means it. And with her possibly never seeing again.. she needed that. Also her coat is damn cool. I’d say I want one like that btu i’d really prefer one like Scotts complete with x-men patch. Pax Krakoa bitches. 

We get a really nice scene after where we meet Scott’s parents! Their also really kind helping him get a new place and move on... and runs into another glasses guy. But this time it’s Laurence! Who he drop kicks.. and then gives a broken bass back to. Eh... i’ve seen worse relationship with siblings honestly. He didn’t murder scott’s friend or plunge a whole galaxy into war or try and murder his daughter. Other Scott’s weren’t so lucky. 

So after that awkardness SCott finds the note to gideon which is a break up letter... she never sent. However there’s something more pressing as he gets a call... and you can probably guess given his luck lately who that’s from. 

Eh it’s not that murderoius creep but another one. 

The end.. is in a few weeks.

Final Thoughts: 

As I said I hated Vs the Universe on first read but re-reading it with hindsight and maturity.. it’s damn good. It’s depressing as hell.. but the things it does need to happen to push scott into a bad enough place for the next volume to work, and are natural: Ramona and Kim leaving, The band  breaking up, Scott kicking his brother in the face.. all natural things. It hurts, this was a HARD one to write and I only feel the next one will be harder because it’s way longer with less slice of lifey stuff to skim through in my recapping. 

But it’s a damn good one, with fantastic art, really gripping scenes, x-men refrenes and a spotlight shone on my girl kim. Even it’s weak spots dont’ hurt it: the twins are only weak by comparison, and still work well enough for the story, pushing ramona into the bad mental place she needs to be for the story to work. Hollie’s thing DID Need to be written way fucking better... but it does push kim into leaving which is CRITICAL for next time. So they aren’t GREAT elements, but they work. The only real other problem I have is knives just.. vanishes after her scene outside of one bit with Stephen, but that I can understand as the book is pretty tightly packed and she gets a fitting sendoff next time anyway. All in all another amazing entry and the perfect warm up for one of the best endings in comics history

Next Time: I said it and I meant it: one of the best endings in comics history as Scott hits on some exes, fights himself and betters himself as he prepares for his finest hour! Will Ramona Come back? Will Kim? Will Julie?... to answer your questions yes yes, and god dammit. Thank you all for reading, see you at the next rainbow. 

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

a poem for small things

by Admin 1 & 2

The time has come, the first proper post for this segment we’ve settled on calling a poem for small things, a nod toward BWL and its Korean title. Like we said in our call for submission post, this is supposed to be something like a place full of positivity for vminnies (and perhaps the occasional namjinist) where you (and us) can share whatever we’d like in connection to vmin, both as vmin and as Jimin and Tae the individuals, and have something to raise our mood and also strengthen our vminnie confidence. We’ve gotten several wonderful submissions and quickly realized that for this first post the theme is mostly how I became a vminnie, even if three submissions talk more about vmin moments they enjoy instead.

I think it’s a really interesting theme, especially since everyone’s story is different, and everyone seems to find something else about vmin that captured their attention and hearts so sharing these memories and experiences is a great way to start off this segment. We’ve said it many times before, though I don’t think you can say it enough times, but this bond that Jimin and Tae share is truly special and so one of a kind, it’s wonderful to see how we all relate to and resonate with it in our own way and find something in it that makes us fall in love with their loves, regardless if we see it as platonic or romantic love. Love is love after all. 95z is love.

For the order of these submissions, we’ll simply go in the order in which we’ve received them. Most of them came from anons, which is more than okay. We’ve also opened the possibility of submitting posts for those who would like to submit wordier posts/asks, should we do another edition of this. It all depends on how much you’ll enjoy it and if you’ll come through with more submissions that could be gathered for future posts.

Anyway, enough talking from our side, let’s dive into these submissions below the cut, shall we? Like we said in the original post (and demonstrated in the preview post), we’ll add some of our commentary and observations along the way, too.

From anon: This is going to be long winded story but Vmin is like a Serendipity to me. I've heard of BTS mainly from my hubby when he complains that times sq is packed because of BTS (when they’re in town and doing their rounds of morning shows). I knew they were very popular but it was a great surprise that i discovered them after watching ILand during lockdown. Their songs were great and i started playing their classics like Fire, DNA Fake Love etc. Then they did an appearance in the show...

I love how you heard about BTS because of your husband and Time Square being packed, this is honestly the most original and unique version of how I’ve come across BTS I’ve read over the years. Amazing!

I was drawn to Taehyung's beauty during their appearance in Iland. And my first Vmin ? moment was when Tae commented about being handsome and attractive are 2 things and being attractive weighs more - along those lines... then JM made a comment that its unfair that he's both and Tae was like Im talking about you... I went like ok he thinks JM is attractive- theyre good friends.... then Jimin did the FakeLove choreo and the camera focused on Tae and he had this wide smile...The Iland Tae/Jimin clips made me do a double take but I dismissed it since it was just only a few seconds worth of screen time but still...

I-Land vmin was really something else in both episodes. 

Fun fact: I-Land was the first Korean survival show I’ve ever watched, mostly because it had something to do with BH and since it was streamed online with subs in real time. Unfortunately, my faves—Daniel and Taki—didn’t make it into ENHYPEN, though I’m happy that Taki will be in a future Japanese BH group.

But, going back to vmin, that moment with Jimin dancing FAKE LOVE and Tae looking at him with that boxy smile as though Jimin hung the stars in the sky? I melted, even if it was just one of those brief moments, yet still it’s so cute! And it was all over sns being shared by vminnies and non-vminnies alike. What a great time that was.

Then VMAs Dynamite perf happened- both Vmin looking good. I saw a lot of their promos especially the Jimmy Fallon interviews... and I noticed in hindsight how JF was so careful when referring to Jimin ... Since Tae was my first bias, I searched YT for Tae related content eventually saw in my YT feed Vmin moments. Theres a lot of Vmin content in YT or maybe the T*ek*ok ones didnt really register as extraordinary to me. But defo the Vmin moments were extraordinary to me,,,the BV4 sleeping together, kitchen role play & BV3 JM excited to see Tae and them holding hands and then Tae crying and then Tae's busking with Jimin cheering him on were all amazing to see. Up to this day this specific YT vid stood out to me first 

I actually went to check what video this is, and also looked at the comments where my favorite was this one: The staff member went straight to Jimin to tell him V was crying. That's all you need to know. They’re not wrong with that one, are they? That is pretty telling. BV3 vmin were a work of wonder, truly. Jimin watching Tae sing that Sam Smith song during the dinner in the sky looking all soft and endlessly fond?

Jimin encouraging Tae to busk and gently petting his hair was just such a pure moment and showed how much Jimin appreciates Tae and the talent he has, how in moments when Tae might brush aside wanting to do something, is a little hesitant and unsure, Jimin will stand up for him and give him strength/encouragement, which reminds me of Tae’s vlive in April 2020 and the fact that Jimin had told him that he wants to be his source of strength. Beautiful. And it shows that it wasn’t just pretty yet empty words, but something he truly meant. They both do.

Then i came across vid trans of Friends & cried first time hearing it especially when it got to the part "One day when the cheer dies down, stay hey.." It felt raw and honest to me. Then there's MOT:E concert and that part in Dynamite where they bumped their heads seemed bizaare to me - i was like were they fighting? because JM looked really fierce(or maybe emotional) then i saw the close up. i couldnt remember the exact moment I became a Vminie but it made quarantine easier...

This, I’ve noticed, seems to be a recurring theme among quarantine ARMY and vminnies, the fact that becoming ARMY and vminnies made it easier, and it fits with what we’ve been saying about BTS for years: they will find you when you’ll need them most. And in these trying and uncertain times, it’s certainly proven true once again.

Thank you of much for your submission and sharing your story with us, and I’m glad they could make quarantine a little easier for you.

From anon: I've been following BTS on and off since BST, but only really consider myself a true fan late 2019. I can't recall having a bias at first, but I was captivated by Jimin's everything when I binge-watched all their content. I must admit, my first OTP is T*e/k*ok, where I fell down the route of considering Jimin 'an interfering 3rd party' in their relationship, and it shamed me. Since then I've been cycling through Jimin ships, namely yo*n/m*n, j*n/m*n, m*ni/m*ni, and I even thought that j*/k*ok was real at some point. Strangely, Vmin never struck me as something extraordinary. I don't want to blame anyone, but Vmin caught my eye after I watched official BTS content without filter (presumed bias/judgement) all in their glory. I realized that while other ships may go up-and-down as in one day there's a frenzy and another day quiet af, Vmin has been and is still going constant. That's what makes me love Vmin, and for the first time in my fandom life, I have no qualms about whether they are real or not. Their bond, whatever it is, is already precious and something to be cherished forever. Thank you for providing us vminies a special corner to speak up about our experience 💜

You’re very welcome! I hope you’ll like how this turned out as well. Thank you for sharing your story with us and personally I find it fascinating how, despite Jimin being the one who captivated you most at first, you still fell into the “he’s an interference for my ship” trap that’s quite popular with that particular ship. I’m glad though that that never ruined your love for Jimin. It’s also really interesting for me how you went through different Jimin ships yet it took you the longest time to notice vmin. I feel like, because vmin and vminnies are more “low key” than the other bigger and louder ships, as well as Tae and Jimin simply being quieter in their interactions (not always but you get the point) as compared to, for example, Jimin’s interactions with Hobi, Jungkook, or even Namjoon, it takes people a while to really notice them.

This is my favorite part of what you wrote, and I think it’s a great way to describe vmin in general and what makes them different from other ships in the grand scheme of things: I realized that while other ships may go up-and-down as in one day there's a frenzy and another day quiet af, Vmin has been and is still going constant.

From vminot7: So i fell into BTS hole after watching blood sweat and tears mv casually on youtube. Jimin immediately stole my attention with his unique voice, graceful moves and handsome features even though i didn’t know their names at that time. I watched more MVs and jimin continued to hold my attention but i was also extremely drawn to taehyung's voice and facial expressions. So i started looking for more content such as RUN BTS and other compilations and realized my love for all 7 of them. I also noticed how jimin always had a soft spot for taehyung and was curious about their dynamics. I started looking at more of vmin content and i was really surprised to see how in the early days they were nowhere near as soft with each other as they are now. I think they have a unique bond and i have never come across anything quite similar. Now vmin are both my biases and my bias wrecker is hoseok.

I admire jimin for being a hardworking, passionate perfectionist but also a caring soul who is always ready to offer love and comfort to people in need. I love taehyung for how he looks at the world in his unique ways and how he has a childlike awe for things and how he is so passionate over the things he loves. The thing i love about vmin together is how they are so different yet work so hard on their relationship when it would be easier to just not try that hard.

Ah, another mention of the queen that is Blood, Sweat and Tears. The MV truly is such a masterpiece so I’m not surprised that it caught your attention, and especially Jimin since he was…something else in that MV, or like Tae said, his eyes were temptation (this boy, I swear). Since you mentioned how in the first years they were nowhere near as soft with each other as they are now, I think watching their dynamic and relationship change and evolve over time showcases the one thing I think a lot of people (as well as movies and TV shows) forget or gloss over, despite it being so incredibly important: in order to make a relationship of any kind work, especially in order for it to grow as deep and strong as the one between all members and especially vmin, you need to put in the emotional work to make that happen. You have to make an effort, have to learn to understand the other person and teach them to understand you as well, learn to appreciate and love their little quirks and how to accept others. And it’s so clear that that’s what vmin did, continue to do, and it more than paid off in the long run. I’m glad you highlighted that in general but also as something you love about them.

While the overall bond between the members is a class of its own, I think especially what vmin have achieved is a whole masterclass in relationships and fostering strong ones, in and of itself. There is a lot I think we can learn from them and I’m so happy that people recognize how special they are.

Thank you so much for your submission!

From anon: There’s this small moments in Dear Class of 2020 that i just adore! I’ve watched it at least 20 times this past month

It starts with “Spring Day”- tae and jimin laugh and look at each other and it’s just so sweet!

Also, maybe it’s my delusional mind but after tae’s and jin’s small and adorable moment- it seemed that jimin did the same with junkook right after maybe out of i duuno if jealousy but like “pay attention to me too” kinda way- dont know really and maybe it’s me being extra🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree partially, in that Jimin watched Tae’s and Seokjin’s adorable moment, obviously must’ve thought of it as cute just like we did, and thought he could do the same with JK. I don’t think it had anything to do with jealousy, especially if we work off of the idea that vmin are a thing, but also because it’s a performance and these things primarily serve the purpose of being cute and entertaining use, in other words, it’s fanservice (which isn’t the evil word some portray it as). Also, within that same performance, Tae and Jimin actually sang some of the lyrics toward each other, therefore they, too, had a cute moment they shared with big smiles and everything, just like you mentioned.

But we’ve gotten to see much more of Tae’s friendship with Seokjin in 2020, and especially the second half, so it was really sweet to see them interact during that song. Their friendship and dynamic is really a beautiful one, just like JKs bond with Seokjin, which I feel we’ve also gotten to see more of in recent months. Part of me (and that part can very well be wrong) feels that perhaps once the members caught on to Seokjin feeling the way he said he did/does, they decided to give him an extra dose of love and affection, off camera but also on where we can see it. That isn’t to say that they didn’t show him any of that before, but maybe they increased the intensity a little, a reminder that Seokjin truly is loved, that he deserves all of this, that it’s just his imposter syndrome (or at least what sounds like it) lying to him.

I’m still so touched and moved by the fact that he trusted us enough to share his feelings with us, to gift us Abyss and how it came to be, and that Bang PD was on his side and coaxed him into pouring his feelings into music, even if it would be “bad”, that the fear of it potentially being “bad” shouldn’t hold him back (and Namjoon helping in even if just a tiny bit with the lyrics). It was one of those times where I feel like we were all reminded that regardless of our opinions of BH and their doings, the members are surrounded by kind people who have their best interest in mind. After all what’s good for Bangtan is also good for the company, a win-win for everyone.

…wow, okay, I kind of went off on a tangent, I’m sorry…

Either way , then we have “Mikrokosmos” where we have a sweet moment at their part and towards the end where they switch mic and hear each other

I love this performance overall and especially “spring day”- jin’s and j-hope’s lovely voices and of course tae’s!! This song fits them so well and all the members of course

Well this is my rent , i love your blog and always wait for another post! Also i love the new idea and look forward to it!

Thank you so much for your submission and for bringing up their Dear Class 2020 performance. It was a truly magical one, and after reading this the first time, I did go and watch it again. To this day I’d still very much like to know how and when and why the mic switch between vmin happened, and I kind of hope that we might get a Bangtan B*mb or EPISODE about this eventually and it might shine some light on that question. Overall it was one of my favorite performances on 2020.

From Sky: While I enjoy cute, physical moments with VMIN, I really do value how emotionally attached they are to each other. For example (I don’t know if it fits as vmin moment but), I love how Jimin asked V to take the Promise cover photo, and how he ended up putting V’s name for credits on the cover. (Special Thanks to V, Best Photographer) This really shows a lot. Coz he can easily choose any Bighit photographer to take it. He could have chosen JK because we know how he takes good pics and vids too (and also apparently alot of people say that vmin had a falling out and that Jimin and JK were much more closer, lol). Or he could’ve asked Suga too bec he’s into cameras too. But he didn’t. He chose V, and chose to shout it out to the world how thankful he is for V’s help. RM co-wrote Promise, and maybe had offered more help in this project, but he didn’t put it in the cover. I’m not saying Jimin is ungrateful for not crediting RM in the cover. The difference is that he and RM had a vlive regarding the making of this song, a lot of people already know RM’s participation, he was officially credited as co-writer and Jimin really showed how thankful he is to RM. But no one knows of V’s participation (except for a snippet in that Run ep), so Jimin felt the need to tell it to everyone. I’m sure it’s not only the photos, I think he wanted to acknowledge how V helped him through the process, whether directly or indirectly. Also, remember this is Jimin’s first non-album solo single. By putting V’s name in it, he is sharing this very special song with his soulmate. How endearing it is! V also included Jimin in his first full English song. He used the two bears given by Jimin as Winter Bear’s cover photo and he included the photo Jimin took (sleeping V in the plane) in the MV. Like, seriously, they are trying to consciously imprint each other in their life’s milestones, openly or subtly. I’m crying. 😭

This was lovely, and yes, Jimin could’ve asked whoever to take those pictures, could’ve chosen any other ones, and yet he wanted Tae to be the one to take them, wanted those specific ones as covers. It’s very sweet and creates this subtle connection between Jimin, the song, and Tae. Sure, it isn’t the first time a picture Tae took is the cover for a SoundCloud song (the picture of JK on the 2U cover was also taken by Tae if I remember correctly), but it’s the fact that Promise is Jimin’s first non-BTS song, his first solo release, that makes it that much more special. Even more so when you think about how meaningful that song is to Jimin, and by having Tae as cover picture photographer, he’s in a way forever attached memory wise to that song as well, right?

The same also goes with Winter Bear and the two ceramic bears. Remember how excited Tae looked when I kinda spoiled that gift being a thing happening in an upcoming RUN episode during Jimin’s vlive during the summer 2019? Adorable. It’s also curious how though the title is singular—winter bear not winter bears—there’s two ceramic bears. One for Tae, one for Jimin? Maybe, or maybe I’m reading too much into it. Either way, it’s really cute, and it was a very thoughtful gift, even more when we think about just how much Jimin loves that song.

From anon: Love this idea it's super cute!! 1st thing that came to my mind is a rather simple moment, jimin bopping taehyung's nose and making a lil game out of it

Taehyung asking for more and that dazed smile 🥺 he had the same expression in that concert when jimin placed his face just above him, tae's smile afterward... it was so pure u could almost read "love" in his eyes lol

What a lovely note to end this post at, thank you for that. I don’t know what got into them during that photoshoot for Season’s Greetings 2020 but this was so disarmingly adorable. I remember when that moment appeared all over every sns and everyone just melted, myself included. Their smiles, the cute clothes, Tae’s head on Jimin’s chest, the softness and innocence of it, just all of it. It truly was so pure and like this sweet visualization of ‘love’.

And with that, we’ve reached the end. Did you like this? I had a great time reading your submissions and adding my little comments to them. If you’d like for us to continue this, same rules as last time, send in a submission marked with “VMC” and once we’ll have enough of them gathered, we’ll do this again, if you’re interested in more, that is. Send in whatever positive vmin you have, a thought, a moment, a memory, whatever you’d like.

Thank you once again to everyone who participated! :)

[giorno-plays-piano]

Playing games Pairing: dark!Sebastian Stan x Reader Warning: yandere, swearing, some non-con implications towards the end. Words: 2069. P.S. JESUS CHRIST WHAT HAVE I DONE I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON I HOPE NO ONE WHO REALLY MET SEBASTIAN GONNA READ THIS ghjdfyjdfds I’m so sorry guys _____________________________________ “I asked for a vanilla latte with extra milk, not caramel cappuccino.”

You rolled your eyes at his irritated remark. You knew Sebastian wasn’t in his best mood this morning and expected him to make your day nastier just because he felt like it.

“Sorry, but I’m sure it was caramel cappuccino. You asked for some cinnamon on the top, remember?”

“No, I didn’t.” He snarled and looked at you, giving a mocha frappe to Jill, his hair artist. “I asked for a vanilla latte. If you suffer from memory loss, you’d better visit your doctor once we get back to US.”

What an asshole. Mary, who was now applying some makeup on Sebastian’s face with her beauty blenders and brushes, bit down on her lip: she had been watching how he treated you for the last 3 weeks, and it was a living nightmare. It was very odd since Sebastian was on good terms with pretty much everyone around, but you were always an exception. Why? Neither Mary nor Jill could tell. There was nothing revolting in the way you behaved around Mr. Stan, simply doing your job as his assistant. You were getting him coffee every morning, buying some personal stuff for him, managing his meetings… but you were more an errand girl, that’s true. It was surprising for most of the other people surrounding you two, but you didn’t object to your tasks. You were furious because of the way Sebastian treated you.

He was mean, unfair, irritating, and rude. You didn’t deserve it.

“Well, my voice recorder tells I got everything right.” You pulled it from the pocket of your below-knee sheath skirt, ready to press the button.

“What the fuck is that?” The man rose to his feet immediately, almost pushing frozen Mary out of his way and stepping towards you. “How many times do I have to tell you? NO. FUCKING. RECORDERS.”

He was ready to snatch it from your hands, yet you were able dodge him right on time, hiding the recorder in your pocket again.

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry, I’ll put it away!” In a second you were behind Jill’s tall figure as if you were a child hiding from a bad-tempered parent, Sebastian watching you with anger in his cold blue eyes. “I’m not going to use it. But it’s still true, you asked for caramel cappuccino.”

“Guess what? I don’t fucking care.” He growled in a low voice. “You’ll go and get me vanilla latte because it’s your goddamn job. And I want my coffee before Jill’s finished with my hair, understood?”

Watching his with clear disdain on your face, you cursed under your breath. It was freaking hot in Prague where Sebastian was filming now and getting out the second time just to run to Starbucks once more would sure ruin both your makeup and a white blouse you had been wearing. Damn it.

“God, why do you have to be such a bastard most of the time?” You snapped at him, visibly shaking with fury. “What the hell is wrong with you? Are you a closet psycho or what?”

“I’m the one who pays you, honey.” He smiled at you the same way he always did it in front of the camera and you felt sick.

You stormed off the room without having a glance back at his perfect white teeth. Sebastian Stan was the worst person you had ever met, and you were working for him, seeing him every day and listening to his orders as if you were his pet. How did it come to this? Why did he look like the most perfect human being to you six months ago? What made him behave like that to you when in reality it was him who offered you a job?

God, it was all messed up. You did not remember when things got so bad you could yell at each other in a full voice. It was actually surprising, someone like you shouting and swearing at one of the world’s most famous actors, but it was something Sebastian let you do. Like he wanted you to scream at him regardless who surrounded you whether it was his makeup artists, agents, cleaning ladies or anyone else. It was like he got off on it.

True, this job payed well, much better than the one you had before. Moreover, in these 6 months you saw more countries than you did in your entire life, travelling with Sebastian everywhere and meeting tons of new people, many of them being great professionals. It was inspiring; it made you dream of all the things you thought were impossible; it made you curious and gave you a chance to practice your networking skills.

But Sebastian was fucking blowing it. After six months of constant everyday battles filled with rage and pure hatred you had gained weight, 10 pounds to be precise. Now you were having problems to sleep, and you knew it wasn’t the jet lag.

Anyway, you spent the whole day running around the city to buy him this or that. In the evening you were so tired you could barely move your legs while Sebastian was clearly pleased seeing you like that. It probably stroked his enormous ego.

Fuck it. You didn’t deserve a minute of it. You were not going to let him ruin you for fun, just because he could it since he payed you. Why did you spend you precious time trying to please him? Sure, you still considered him one of the best actors on the planet, but the things he did to you were not ok. He wasn’t ok. Maybe he really was a psycho or had some disorder he didn’t want to treat, you had no idea. But you knew it couldn’t continue like that. It was too much.

You spent an hour writing an email and asking to be laid off. It was just a few lines, simple and professional, yet you were constantly adding and then erasing new sentences. You shouldn’t make it personal, you thought to yourself. You doubted you could leave on agreeable terms, but you needed to give it a try. Even if your last argument with Mr. Stan might be the worst of them all, it would be your last one. It was worth it.

Sighing, you decided to take a stroll before going to bed. 15 minutes wouldn’t hurt, right? You’d have some fresh air and enjoy the view of Prague’s Powder Gate – you were lucky to stay right in the center of this magnificent old city. You could make some more photos to show your friends once you return back home. It was also nice to just sit on a bench and look at the night sky full of stars.

Maybe then you wouldn’t feel so guilty for leaving Sebastian and your team.

In the end, it took you way more that 15 minutes, but your late-night walk made your thoughts clear and left no regrets about your choice. What was happening between you and Sebastian wasn’t right, and you could do nothing but leave. With so many people wishing to work for him he would get another assistant in a matter of hours, and you would get your life back. Those money you earned would keep you afloat quiet some time even if you wouldn’t be able to get a job right away.

“What is this, Y/N?”

His voice almost made you jump. Sebastian stood up from the chair in the corner of your room once you put on the lights. What the Hell was he doing here so late? How did he open the door? If he needed anything, he could simply give you a call.

Oh. You saw your little black recorder in his hand.

“I told you I won’t use it anymore.” Your jaw clenched.

“I’m not talking about this piece of shit.”

He tossed your recorder on your bed as if he couldn’t care less and moved towards you so fast you had no time to step back.

“What is this pathetic email you wrote?” Sebastian’s handsome face darkened. “Are you not right in the head? You want to leave?”

“Yes, I do. What’s wrong with that?” Your expression hardened. He dared to touch your laptop when you weren’t there. “I thought you’d be glad to know. Today you told me three times I didn’t deserve working for you, correct?”

“You know perfectly well I wasn’t serious.”

“God, I have a hard time telling when you’re serious since all you do is hating me.”

He sent you an icy glare.

“You know I don’t hate you. You just happen to bring the worst in me, dear.”

There he was again. God, were you going to have this argument right now when you were deadly tired? You hoped it could wait till tomorrow, but it was clearly not your luckiest day.

“If you want to blame me again, it’s ok. I’m the worst one. I’m a bad person and a terrible assistant.” You squeezed your eyes shut and sighed again, scratching your forehead. “I get it. What I don’t get is why you aren’t happy I’m leaving.”

“Because I don’t want you to leave. If I really hated you so much, I’d already found another assistant, but I don’t want that.”

“Listen, let’s stop playing our games just for a few minutes.” This conversation made you feel even more exhausted. “We don’t get along. You don’t like me. Why do we torment each other? I don’t even remember the last time we had a regular conversation without shouting and cursing.”

“I’m not playing games with you, dear. You do.” He had already cornered you, his face determined and somewhat unsettling. “What do you want? A raise? More benefits?”

You were ready to yell at him again.

“Did you listen to what I just said? I want to leave. I want to come home and forget about all our horrible fights. I want to have a steady and boring job back in US. Do you understand?”

“NO, I DON’T!” The man screamed at you again, and now you suddenly felt his arms clenching your shoulders painfully and winced from his touch. “I already told you to stop toying with me! After all this shameless flirting and batting your eyes you wanna tell me you’re leaving? Do you think I’m so stupid to believe in this bullshit?”

It took you a few seconds to process his words. What? Flirting? Well, you did consider him handsome and charming, who on Earth didn’t, but you had never pulled anything like that. At first, it was because of your professionalism, and then your relationships escalated so fast you knew that he hated you and you hated him. What Sebastian had been even talking about?

You felt very aware how close he was once you felt his heavy breath on your face. He never did this before.

“Listen, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I want to leave. That’s all.” You tried pushing him back with your hands against his chest. “Please, let me go. I need to… t-to go to the kitchen.”

“You’re going nowhere, dear.” His expression darkened. “Tell me the truth. You don’t want me to treat you like my assistant? I get it, I get it, it’s fine. I can treat you like my girl in front of everyone if that’s what you want.”

“No! I – “

His put his hand on your mouth immediately, leaning in closer.

“It’s ok, I understand. I grew tired of pretending like nothing happens between us, too. You want me to let everyone now? It’s ok. I’ll post our photo on Instagram tomorrow. Is this what you want? Is this what you want?”

You tried to scream, but his grip on you was too strong as if Sebastian was really some kind of super soldier. Desperately trying to wriggle free you only got him to hold you tighter, his soft lips all over your face already wet with tears.

“It’s ok, dear. I got it.” He shushed you, trying to keep your arms together with his hand and pushing his knee in between your legs. “I’m sorry it took me so long. I understand now, so you don’t have to go. You won’t go, will you?”

You couldn’t answer him even if you wanted to.

[parkmuse]

Cat Got Your Tongue Pt. 2 (M)

Word Count: 7,474 (Reposted) (Wonhopes Masterlist)

Taco ain’t your innocent kitty no more.

cr.

You let out a heavy sigh, flipping through channels out of boredom in your living room. You keep glancing over at your phone, biting your lip as you gave in and opened the lock screen.

No new messages.

You swipe open the phone and you’re met with a photo of you and Namjoon from your anniversary. Both of you are smiling like idiots, him with his chin resting on your shoulder with his arms wrapped tightly around you with the big Christmas tree brightly shining in the background. You smile at the memory, but it finally dawned on you that this was all in the past.

You roughly chucked your phone to the opposite side of the couch, expecting a loud thump but instead a cry of pain erupted from beside you causing you to jump in your seat. You looked over to see your precious little fluff ball curled up, ears faltered and then you realized exactly what you just did.

“OH MY GOD TACO I’M SO SORRY!” You scooped him up into your arms, showering his face with kisses as you profusely apologized to your poor cat.

You bring him onto your lap, stroking his head as you scratch behind his ears. In turn he purrs, snuggling up against you as a gesture to say he forgave you, then licked at the exposed skin on your thigh.

You smile at him when he looks up to you and meows, lifting himself up until you’re face to face with him. His paw lightly strokes at your cheek, then he brings his face to caress against yours. You giggle, lightly stroking his back as you start playing with his tail.

You were really happy to have Taco alongside you especially at this point of your life. When you feel sad he makes you feel better, and when you’re lonely he’ll be there to comfort you, licking your face and cuddling with you until your tears dry up and your memories of your horrible ex-boyfriend fade away.

“You’re so cute, Taco.” You continue playing with his tail, letting it glide through your fingertips as you use your other hand to stroke his back.

All of a sudden his purrs are overpowered by what sounded like heavy grunting, making your eyebrows crinkle in confusion.

“Are you okay Taco?”

He continues to make those deep, heavy grunts, then changed to what sounded like panting as if he had just run a marathon. Suddenly your vision blurred, your surroundings oddly morphing into some weird spiral that ended up turning pitch black.

You groan in your spot, slowly opening your eyes as the sun’s warm rays shine brightly in your face, slightly pulling you out of your dream state. You’re still half asleep, still tired from all that craziness that occurred in your dream last night when Taco turned into some hot naked dude in your bed. God, you must have been so desperate to get over Namjoon your brain whipped up some really weird ass shit.

You attempted to stretch, but something constricted your movements. You tried moving your arms, then you realized one of your hands was grasping onto something warm and fuzzy. You curiously squeezed it, stroking it between your hands with half lidded eyes but froze once you heard a guttural moan right in your ear.

Slowly you realized you weren’t alone in bed. Thick arms were tightly wrapped around you, legs were tangled along with yours, and hot breaths panted against your ear. You were still slightly in a daze but woke up immediately once you felt a hot, slick muscle swipe against the shell of your ear followed by another deep groan.

“Y/N, mm, don’t squeeze too hard,”

He pulls you closer to him, snuggling his face into the crook of your neck before latching his lips onto it. He ran his wet tongue along the expanse of your neck, slowly running upward towards your ear. He catches your lobe between his lips, nibbling lightly causing shivers to run up your spine.

By reflex you squeeze the object in your hand again, making him buck against you and moan your name aloud in a raspy tone.

“Fuck Y/N, I told you not too hard!”

Your eyes widen and you turn to look at him, emerald eyes stabbing daggers into you. You were about to say something but realized the object just twitched in your hands, then you frantically pull off the covers.

You were mortified to find him naked against you again, dick out and rubbing against your leg. But what really caused you to want to faint and leave this world for good was what was in your grasp. A brown tail in your hands; a brown fucking tail that came from between his legs.

You screamed aloud then quickly shoved him off of you, kicking and thrashing until you succeeded in throwing him off the bed.

You hear a loud grunt from below, then you slowly peek over.

“What the fuck was that for?!” He says as he sat up. His ears flop down as he rubs the back of his head.

You stare at him in shock, realizing your figment of your imagination didn’t come from your dream.

This is real.

He’s real.

Taco’s not your small cute little fluff ball anymore, he’s morphed into a human man. A hot but naked pervy little-

“God, is this how it’s gonna be every morning from now on? It’s barely 9, let me sleep some more,” He moves to stand up but he jumps in his place when you scream again.

“NO! Y-YOU’RE NAKED!”

“Y/N, you’ve seen me like this all the time. Why are you so shy now?” He quickly shoots you a suggestive smirk. “Oh, is it because it’s the biggest you’ve seen-“

You slug a pillow straight into his face causing him to fall back to the ground with a thud, groaning aloud again.

You jump from the bed and run over to your closet, opening the bottom drawer and pulling some of Namjoon’s old clothes out. You curse to yourself as you can’t help but inhale the remnants of his cologne that lingered on his shirt. You really have to get rid of these.

Once you kick some sense into yourself you turn to Tae and toss the clothes at him. “I don’t care if you were a cat or are a cat or whatever the fuck, if you’re staying with me you’re not walking around naked so put those on.”

He pouts at you, giving you his big, glossy eyes as his ears falter. After a good few seconds he realizes you aren’t going to give in, rolling his eyes dramatically and letting out an annoyed huff. He throws on the t-shirt and immediately groans in disgust, “God, this smells like shit. I always hated whenever baboon would come over and stink up the whole place.”

“His name is Namjoon,” you blatantly corrected him.

“Same thing! Why do you even care? It’s not like you’re together anymore-oof!”

You quickly swung another pillow straight into his face, making him fall back again. He rubs his head and groans, “What the hell was that for?!”

“Just hurry up and get dressed! We’re going somewhere.” You stomp out of the room and head to the restroom, slamming the door on your way in. You can’t lie and say that Tae didn’t just hit home. Why did you care? Why do you still care about that cheating asshole?

You hate that you let tears fall for someone that did you dirty, that would throw away years of a relationship; for someone that wasn’t worth it. Why were you still in love with him?

Soft scratches against the door stopped your sniffling. “What?” You said after clearing your throat and trying to sound as normal as possible. You rubbed your eyes as the door slowly squeaked opened, cat ears peeking through the door. You quickly looked away not wanting him to see you pathetically falling apart. “What is it? I’m almost done, we’re not showering together if that’s what you’re here for-“

He turns you toward him, grabbing your hands to lower it from your face. Once he gets a good look at you his eyebrows crinkle in distress, head tilting to the side. “Why are you sad?”

“I’m not, I just washed my face and got something in my eye-“ Before you could finish he grabs ahold of your chin in his hand, swooping down to run his tongue along the side of your cheek. He runs his slick muscle upward, lapping up your tears before kissing the side of your eye. He moves back to look at you again, visibly upset.

“You were crying, I could hear you from the other room.” Damn those cat ears.  “Did I say something? I’m sorry if I made you sad.” He bites his lip, then brings his head to the crane of your neck. He rests both of his hands on each side of you, trapping you between him and the sink. He runs his nose along your flesh, lightly nipping at your soft spot making you relax. Your heart was beating a mile a minute at the sudden contact, but it felt…nice.

“Will you forgive me?” He slowly draws circles with his thumbs along your hips, lightly ghosting his lips along your jawline. He rests his forehead onto yours, bringing his hands to your face. You two stare at each other for a long moment in silence, your breathing being the only thing echoing along the walls.

Tae was very, very, very handsome, and sometimes you forget for a moment that this guy is half human. At least that’s what he says—he probably somehow broke into your house, kidnapped your cat and cosplays as Taco. But a big part of you feels as though he is really telling you the truth, that he’s being this gentle because he’s your best friend and has always been with you from thick or thin. His emerald eyes show pure concern, kindness and love that you really need at this moment.

You instinctively lick your lips and his eyes quickly dart down to your mouth, causing him to slowly lick his own as well. The concern over his face quickly changed to something much darker as his eyes stared daggers into you.

“I’ll make it up to you.”

He slowly moves in and you close your eyes, heart about to jump out of your chest. He swipes his tongue along your top lip, the sudden warmth making you moan a little. He licks the corner of your mouth, then nibbles on your bottom lip causing you to groan and clench onto his shirt tighter.

“Tae,” you say breathlessly as he brushes your hair behind your ears, tracing a finger down your jawline before grabbing ahold of your chin again. He takes his thumb and rests it on top of your bottom lip, pulling it downward.

“Open up for me,” He says in a low grunt, grinding his hips into yours, “Open up for meowster-“

You move forward and quickly bite on his thumb, causing him to yelp and back up. “What the hell Y/N?!”

“Meowster? You’re ridiculous,” You spew as you shove past him with flushed cheeks and out the door.

“Like master! But I’m half cat, get it? Don’t you have a sense of humor?” He pouts while sucking on his thumb.

“Just hurry up and get ready!”

-

After what felt like ages to force Tae to suck it up and put on the rest of his clothing, you two took off. You whacked his hand each time he tried to touch the beanie you took 20 minutes getting both his ears to fit snugly inside, and he always responds with a hiss and a pout back at you. A part of you is a bit happy you chose his attire, having his fringe out of his eyes and showing off his beautiful emerald eyes. You never noticed how his eyebrows were so defined and having his forehead shown made him ten times more attractive than before.

"You know you don't only have to look, you can touch too."

You didn't realize you were shamelessly checking him out, a smug smirk plastered on his face as you catch a glimpse of his pink muscle dip out from his mouth, making his bottom lip glisten.

"You're so full of it," You scoff, turning away as a blush creeps up your cheeks from being caught red handed.

"I think the one who's going to be full of it tonight is you-OW!" You give a hard left hook into his side, making him gasp out in pain.

"Keep it up and you'll be a prune by the time I'm done with you," you say as you roll your eyes from his exaggerated cry of pain.

"K-kinky...it's okay, I like it rough," He manages to wink at you as he clutches to his side.

You sigh in annoyance, "Okay hurry up, I don't want to run into crowds." You pick up the pace on the sidewalk, him following suit and catching up with you.

"Where are we going anyways?"

"To the mall. I wanna see if that Santa is still there. Maybe he knows why the fuck you turned human." You quickly dodge a group of teenage kids on their phones, not even bothering to look at their surroundings as their eyes stayed glued to the little lit up screens in their hands.

"Why do you want to talk to a mall Santa? What would that fake perv even know?"

"Just shut up and follow me!" You finally reached a crosswalk and clicked the button on the pole. You stand there, tapping your feet impatiently as you watch cars speed past you. After a few moments you realized that for once, Tae actually listened to you and really did shut his god damn annoying mouth. How surprising, he should be like this more often. It makes him a lot cuter-

You turn your head to talk to him but he's nowhere to be seen. You panic for a moment, hoping he didn't just run off and have a wardrobe malfunction like flashing his long ass ugly tail in public. You're about to take a step back but your feet kick onto something on the floor, halting you. You look down, not expecting to actually find what you're looking for.

Tae is on the floor in an inhuman crouching position, staring intently right above him. You have no fucking clue what the hell he was doing, and his strange posture is catching everyone's attention around you.

"Tae what the fuck are you doing?!" You hiss at him, reaching for his arm to get him to stand up again. He quickly dodges your hand by hopping strategically over to the left side, eyes still glued right above. You can't help but get even more irritated, "Tae, seriously, you need to-"

"Shhhh," He whispered back, eyes still staring at the sky, "You're gonna make it aware."

You look at him like he's gone insane, then follow his eyes up to the top of a tree. You see a tiny bird there in its nest, resting on top of a large branch.

"Dinner is on me tonight-"

 You whack him on the back of the head and before he can yell at you for hurting him again you pull him by the arm and across the street. He groans as he clutches the back of his head, "Y/N, I know hitting me turns you on and all but you can't actually hurt me-"

You turn to face him, a vein already popping out of your temple as you let go of his wrist. "You seriously have to stop with this bullshit. You're human now! At least the majority of you...but try to act like a regular human being, especially in public. I don't want someone to call the cops on some cosplaying, bird hunting weirdo."

"Did you see the feathers on that one?! It was probably so juicy, you're seriously missing out-" He stopped speaking once you cracked your knuckles, preparing to hit him again.

"Fine, fine," He huffed, "I'll be human for you."

"Thank you." You two start walking at a steady pace again, a few blocks away from the mall.

"I'll show you what a real man is like since you want me to so bad," You heard him whisper huskily under his breath, brushing his hand against your side. Your eyebrows crinkle in distress and you're about to turn to give him another knuckle sandwich but all of a sudden he lets go, pouncing forward onto a passerby, knocking both of them to the ground. Everything happened so fast you don't understand what could have possibly happened, but could Tae seriously not even act human for two fucking seconds?

 You see the man in a black hooded sweater groan from underneath Tae, his jet black fringe covering his closed eyes. He's making a move to get up but Tae has him pinned down, inching closer to his face. Everyone nearby stops again, waiting for a fight to unfold.

"I knew it was you. Still ugly even in human form," Tae chuckled. The man finally opens his eyes, looking up at Tae before his eyes popped wide open.

You're about to pull him off and just buy a damn leash for the guy since he can't control himself, but then you hear him talk.

"What the fuck? Tae?" He finally moves off of him and pulls him to sit up, crouching in a cat like manner in front of the stranger. Once people in the surrounding area realize nothing is going to happen, they continue on walking.

"I guess my good looks still run strong when I'm in this form, huh?"

The stranger brushes himself off, still observing Tae from head to toe. "You didn't have to fucking tackle me down, you could have just said hi. When did you turn human?"

You were still standing there beside them, completely lost at what was going on. Did Tae know this guy? Who was he? Maybe some old neighbor that would leave some milk out for him at his windowsill at night? You were trying to figure out who this mystery man was, then his hood slipped off his head. He immediately pulled it back on, but not before you were able to catch a glimpse at the top of his head.

Without a doubt you saw a pair of cat ears, ones similar to Tae's but the back was black and the inside was a bit more pink. Your jaw dropped and he saw your reaction, a hint of amusement on his stone cold facial expression. You didn't miss the side of his mouth twitching upwards a bit, but then his attention turned back to Tae.

"Just yesterday man, still not really used to all these free form movements." Tae arranges his fingers to form the word "blood," then proceeds to shoot little finger guns at him.

The man nods, then pushes himself to stand up. "Well, try and act a bit fucking normal next time. Damn, that hurt." He rubs his lower back, then turns his attention at you. "Who's this pretty little bird?"

"Y/N," you answered, trying to ignore his weird little nickname for you. When he smiled he actually looked really cute, a lot different than his intimidating expression from earlier.

"That's a sweet name, suits its owner." He took a step over to you, "Ever wonder what it would be like to stroke a hybrid Persian's-"

 "Fuck off Yoongi, get your own owner!" Tae hisses, shoving himself in between yourself and the black haired boy. He clutches onto your sides, blocking you from him. Were his shoulders always this broad?

Yoongi chuckles, "I was just playing around Tae. Jeez, you get so possessive sometimes." He puts his hands in his pockets, then begins walking the opposite direction. "Seems like you were in a rush somewhere so I'll be going now. I'll see you two around." He winks at you, making Tae growl under his breath.

"Fucking Persians, always think they're top notch breeds," He says once that Yoongi guy was out of earshot.

"Look who's talking," You respond, "Anyways, who was that guy?"

"Some dude I knew awhile back. I didn't even know he was in this form now, but I recognized his scent off the bat. He always reeks of coffee and mint."

"So he's a cat too?"

"Yeah, hybrid. I wonder if anyone else we've known are human now too." You didn't know that Tae wasn't the only one who could have possibly changed like this. You thought this was all by chance, all because of your dumb wish you made with Santa last night.

"So you're telling me this has happened before?" You groan. What's the point in even going to the mall now? This definitely didn't happen because of a wish upon a star, so there's no point in talking to the fake Santa that gets paid minimum wage to falsely make dreams for idiots like you to believe will come true. You two just got there too.

"Yes, but a while ago. But don't worry Y/N, I still know how to use it! I made sure last night-“

He cries in pain when you kick him in the shin, “I don’t know why I haven’t put a muzzle on you by now.”

“S-save that for the bedroom, I love being gagged.“  

You were getting real tired of this kid, or cat, whatever. What the hell were you going to do now? You have no idea how this happened, why this happened, and why this especially happened to you.

Why did the universe hate you so bad they turned your cat into a pervy, obnoxious little half human?

You pause at the front of the mall, watching as kids run by into the winter wonderland. Your eyes get lost as they travel to the big Christmas tree above, still as beautiful as ever when you saw it yesterday. Memories start flooding again back to when you and Namjoon would go on dates there, your hands intertwined and bodies molding perfectly against each other as you gaze across the twinkling lights above. You two would stand there, counting all the stars that dangled along the tree before it got so cold both your teeth would chatter. He'd surprise you with hot chocolate at your favorite cafe, the sweet aroma filling your senses and the silky texture spreading warmth throughout your soul. Then he'd pull you closer, pressing a chaste kiss on your temple before whispering sweet I love yous as he rakes his hand through your hair, turning you around to plant a passionate kiss over your lips. Every moment with him always felt so right, and you always felt safe tucked into his arms.

Two arms suddenly wrap around you and engulf you into a hug. A broad chest is pressed flushed against your back as a chin rests on top of your head. You immediately recognize the all too familiar scent, your body slowly relaxing as you inhale his musky cologne.

You were in Namjoon's arms.

You two are here on your date, the one you both planned a few weeks back. He hugs you tighter from behind, bringing his lips to your temple once more as you close your eyes and bask in his touch and all his warmth.

Everything else was a dream. Taco is at home, sprawled on the floor and napping as usual. Namjoon never left you; he was here with you now, forever and always like he said. You slowly reach up and grasp onto his long sleeve you loved seeing him wear so much. You smile softly and turn towards him, "Nam-"

You're met with a head that immediately clashes to your forehead, making you groan out loud. Before you can say something his head automatically drifts upwards, his nose and forehead brushing roughly against the side of your face. Your cheeks rub against each other and soft purrs fill your ears.

Your eyes finally adjust to see Tae in front of you, continuing to rub his face onto your skin and into the curve of your neck. You can't imagine how weird this must look in another person's point of view, some dude just rubbing his entire face all over your damn head while you stand there and let it happen. You forgot that you gave him a pair of Namjoon's old clothes, and you not seeing him from behind earlier just made everything seem so real.

You snap out of your thoughts when you feel a squeeze against your ass, followed by a warm tongue swiping at the corner of your mouth. "Mm, I bet you taste way better than catnip-"

You shove him off of you, quickly wiping your mouth as your cheeks heat up again. "Stop rubbing yourself all over me!"

"You always let me do it before! I don't get why its’ a problem now," He huffs. "You're so soft and you smell so good, I can't help it."

You blush harder than before, but chose to ignore his statement. You take a good look at him in your ex-boyfriend's clothes, and the remnants of his scent just makes it hurt even more. Once you compose yourself you grab him by the sleeve and drag him towards a store nearby.

"Since we're here anyways, let's buy you some new clothes. Those really do reek."

 -

You enter the first clothing store you see and walk over to the men's section. The racks were filled with plaid button ups and neutral colored shirts, all of which would probably look amazing on Tae but you didn't want to boost his ego. You skim through some clothes and pull out a nice cream colored long sleeve, followed by some slightly baggy black pants that could easily hide his tail.

"Here, try these on." You toss the clothes over to him and he catches them in his arms.

"Why do I have to wear clothes? I'd be doing everyone a favor if I graced everyone's eyes with my naked body," He huffs.

"Can you stop being gross and just try them on?" You roll your eyes, turning back to look at some more clothes for him.

"Y/N?"

You immediately freeze up. You knew that voice anywhere.

"I knew it was you!"

Your eyes unwillingly meet his in front of you. He's wearing the exact clothes last time you saw him, but they're actually on his body rather than strewn all over the living room floor. He's wearing a beanie so his fringe doesn't cover his eyes, that same smirk plastered on his face that you knew too well and fell in love with.

"Namjoon." You didn't know what else to say. You couldn't think of anything else to say.

Right after you spoke someone comes and grabs him by the arm, flinging herself onto him. "Babe, I thought I lost you! Why did you run off so- Y/N? What are you doing here?"

This was your worst nightmare come true. The two people you never wanted to see again were standing right in front of you, holding hands and probably on a date. Namjoon was here with Yoona, your ex best friend that also went against your back and broke your trust. You had so much you wanted to say, so many questions on why they would ever do this to you but nothing came out.

"Helloooo? Earth to Y/N? I asked you a question," Yoona said. She smirked when you were still frozen on the spot, not a peep out of you. "Cat got your tongue? You always seem to be out of words when it comes to us. Just like last time when you caught us, all you did was stare," She sneered. "You don't even have a boyfriend anymore, why are you even shopping for men's clothes?"

You feel like you couldn't breathe. Did she really just bring that up? It felt like a punch in the gut.

"She's here with me, I'm her boyfriend."

Tae partly shields you behind him, stepping in between again. He grabs your hand and intertwines them, pulling them up to his face to place a soft kiss before bringing them back down. He turns to you and gives you a soft smile, squeezing your hand once more.

Yoona's jaw drops, ogling Tae like he was some model that jumped out of a GQ catalog. Namjoon looks surprised as well, his smirk slightly faltering as his eyebrows crease. He quickly regains his composure, smiling back at you two once more.

"I see you've already moved on Y/N- wait, are those my fucking clothes?"

You see Namjoon's eyebrows raise, looking Tae up and down. You curse to yourself, forgetting that you gave him those clothes to wear and he hasn't changed out of them yet.

"Why are you wearing my clothes? Wait, did she ask you to wear them?" He laughs out loud while Yoona giggles beside him, clutching harder onto his arm. "Wow Y/N, I didn't know you were that obsessed to actually have your boy toy play dress up as me."

He takes a step forward, clutching onto the neck hole of Tae's shirt. "I've been meaning to go get these back, but seems like she needs it more than I do."

Tae smacks his arm away before saying, "You can have them back. They fucking stink anyways." He lets go of your hand and pulls his pants down in front of you three, right in the aisle in public inside the store. All three of your jaws drop, and he continues by taking off his shirt and throwing it at Namjoon. He reaches for the hem of his boxers but Namjoon quickly stops him, "NO! Dude, keep those on." Tae huffs, slightly wishing Namjoon would want them back, but reluctantly keeps them on. You're glad he didn't go that far since his tail is still out of view.

All three of you are standing there staring at a barely clothed Tae bewildered, people nearby throwing out disgusted remarks or covering their eyes as they pass by, but the silence is broken when Namjoon lets out another hearty laugh. He clutches his stomach as he keels over, wiping a tear that slipped from his eye.

"Damn Y/N, where'd you find this one? Quick fucks on Tinder won't give you two year relationships, you know. Just freaks, and it seems like you've got a perfect one in your hands."

You don't even know the guy standing in front of you right now. Never in all the time you've known Namjoon has he ever spoken to you like this, let alone implying that you're some easy slut when he knows all too well he was your first for everything. He was your first date, your first kiss, your first love. All you wanted to do was get out of here and hide out at home to cry your eyes out for the rest of eternity.

"You can't ever find someone like me, even if you tried to make one with your sick fantasies.” He turns to Tae. “Does she tell you to fuck her like me too?"

"Don't ever fucking talk about her like that." You hear Tae snarl in front of you, talking a step forward and into Namjoon's face.

"I don't know what this girl's told you man, but I'd be careful with her. Don't listen to cheap sluts-" Next thing you know Tae pounces onto him, knocking him to the ground. He's got one of his hands pressed onto Namjoon's chest, his face a mere inches from his, heaving over him. His stance is like that of a lion's, about to end his prey.

"Call her that again and I'll fucking kill you!" Tae growls over him, digging his nails into the flesh of Namjoon's chest. Namjoon groans in pain, and Yoona is screaming uncontrollably behind a rack which brings all the attention back to us. Her annoying cries brings you back to your senses, and you immediately rush over to pull him off.

"Tae, stop!" You attempt to grab his arm but he doesn't budge. He pushes Namjoon further into the concrete, reaching with his other hand to grasp onto his throat. The beanie on his head slides off, revealing his two ears at the top of his head.

Namjoon is still fighting against him, but freezes once he catches sight of his head. "W-What the fuck?" Tae's ears twitch, standing tall as he continues his attack on Namjoon, but before he can crush his neck you quickly slide your hand down his boxers, grabbing his tail harshly. Tae lets go of his throat and moans aloud, hands shaking as they're planted on either side of Namjoon's head on the concrete.

"O-Oh my god," He moans, suddenly moving his hips against the boy to relieve some kind of friction.

"What the-" Namjoon looks confused as ever, but immediately screams once he feels something hard against his thigh. "DUDE GET OFF ME!"

You squeeze his tail harder, stroking it as you grab under his shoulders to pull him off of him. You finally succeed, Tae still being affected by your touch. You quickly shove his tail back into his boxers, pulling his beanie over his head but not before you catch Namjoon staring intensely at what was in your hands.

"What-"

"Come on Tae, let's go." You don't let Namjoon finish, pulling you two across the store as people watch you drag a half naked man into the dressing room. You lock the door behind you, putting the clothes on the hook as Tae leans against the mirror, huffing.

You glare at him, "Why the hell would you-"

"Did you hear how he was talking to you? What he called you? I'll fucking kill him," He growled under his breath once more. You've never seen him look so angry, so hostile and his eyes just showed how serious he was about what he was saying. He took a step closer to you, "Move so I can finish what I started with that jackass."

"No! They're just words, I could care less!" You say as convincingly as you could, trying to push him back but his strength was too much for you.

"Don’t lie! They hurt you! I could feel it. He hurt you, and I won't let anybody ever do that to you." He tried to make his way around you but you wouldn't budge away from the door.

"Please Tae, don't do this." You pleaded.

"I can still smell that asshole, he's still nearby. Now move." You saw how determined he was, and you knew he wasn't planning on stopping until he got to Namjoon again.

You brought your hands to his head, the beanie slipping off again. You pulled his head downward to look you in the eyes. He was livid, you can see his emerald eyes staring daggers and his nose flaring. You brush one of your hands upwards and to his ear, scratching lightly.

Your touch makes him falter a bit, making him grunt. You continue your actions and he puts his hands on each side of your head, scraping the door lightly.

"Just let me-"

"Please." You bring a hand to his back, releasing his tail from his boxers. You tug at the base lightly, making him groan and rest his forehead on your shoulder. You continue to stroke lightly while scratching behind his ears, making him moan huskily into your ear.

"Fuck," He groans, his hands moving to rest on your hips, mouth latching onto the side of your neck. You moan lightly, craning your neck to the side to give him easier access. He laps at one of your sensitive spots and you press more firmly on his tail, making his hips rut into yours. The thin fabric of the boxers leaves little barriers and you can feel his hard length press against you, making you mewl out his name.

He starts grinding into you at a steady pace, a few harsh thrusts here and there that brushes deliciously along your core, your stomach tightening at the feeling. He nibbles on your neck, then sucks harshly making you grasp onto his hair.

"Tae," you moan. You feel the sting on your neck when he bites down, lapping up the spot where he marked you. He hikes you up and you bring your arms around his neck, your legs on either side of his waist.

"You’re mine," He grunts, driving his hips into yours, groaning your name in your ear as you do the same with his.

You watch through the mirror across at how Tae is ravaging you, pressing you firmly against the wall as he laps over the dark purple mark on your neck. His hips keep a quick pace, your fingers digging further into his broad shoulders as you let out quiet, choked moans.

The dressing room is nothing but the sounds of your mewls and his heavy breathing, constant thuds of the door clacking back and forth each time he drives you into the wall again. He picks up the pace and his moans get louder, desperation spilling out of his mouth. The cords in your stomach are snapping one by one, just a bit more to have you falling over the edge.

"Fuck Tae, I think I'm gonna-"

Two loud bangs vibrate against the door of the dressing room, making you two jump.

"EXCUSE ME, THIS IS A BUSINESS. WE MUST ASK YOU TWO TO LEAVE THE STORE IMMEDIATELY OR WE WILL CONTACT THE POLICE," You hear from the other side of the door.

You're embarrassed as ever, letting out a small sorry as you hear the angry footsteps get fainter and fainter. You two are still panting, trying to catch your breath.

Your hands are still wrapped around his neck and he still has you pinned to the door. Just the sounds of your regulating breaths was strangely comforting, and you lock eyes with Tae once more. You lean forward and kiss him on his nose, caressing one of his cheeks. He stares at you with wide eyes, his ears twitching and flicking upwards.

"Do that again."

You lean forward, kissing him on the nose again.

"Again."

You leave another peck on his nose, seeing his ears standing straight and eyes practically boring into you like you just gave him the best present he could ask for. You giggle at his cute reaction, then he leans in to swipe his tongue along your top lip. The momentary warmth felt so nice, and a part of you is craving for more. He moves to leave a kiss on the top of your nose, then rests his forehead on yours.

His lips ghost over yours, making your breath hitch in your throat.

"Meowster thinks we should continue this in your bedroom," He says as he licks his lips. You smash your forehead against his, making him groan and release you from his hold. "What was that for?!"

"You're dumb, now put those clothes on so we can leave!" You say as you open the door and walk out of the dressing room.

-

After paying for the clothes and being frowned upon by everyone in the store, you two decided to head back home. Tae begged you for some ice cream after seeing a huge sign in front of the store that read "It's meownificent!" (owners probably had a cat fetish), so you stopped in and got two cones. You walked in silence as you licked up your melting dessert, Tae lapping his up and getting it all over his face. You passed him a napkin but he insisted he didn't need one, wiping it on his arm and licking it off himself.

“Napkins are for muggles,” He says as he continues to clean himself with his tongue. You roll your eyes, then go back to eating your ice cream.

It’s melting really fast, some of it dripping onto your hand and down your index finger. You try to prevent it slipping further down your fingers with the napkin, but Tae’s reaction was more quick than yours. He grabs your hand and brings it to his face, taking your index finger into his mouth and lightly sucking on it. His tongue twirls around it, lapping up all the sweet cream.

“Mmm,” He moans as he still has your finger in his mouth. He finally releases it, making a popping sound, “Tastes so good.”

You whip your hand away as you furiously blush, accidentally pushing the cone toward your face. The ice cream smears a bit on your cheek and your lip, and before you can reach to wipe it off your chin is grabbed and Tae’s tongue is lapping up the mess. He swipes up your cheek, then turns your head so you’re face to face with him. He’s so close his breaths are fanning against your face, then he leans in and licks your lips. His tongue dips into the crevice of your mouth, making its way to get every bit of cream off your lips. You unintentionally whimper at the feeling, clutching his sleeve as he continues his ministrations. He nibbles on your bottom lip before letting go of you, “There, all clean! I told you no one needs napkins-“ You punch him in the gut, making him groan.

“Y-you can’t just do that!” You blush as you try to give him an angry look over your embarrassment. He huffs something along the lines of it’s a free country as you wipe your hands with the napkins.

You stop in the middle of the sidewalk, a feeling of dread suddenly surging through you. Tae turns over to you and his eyebrows crinkle once he sees your facial expression, “What’s wrong?”

“What are we going to do now?” You sigh. “How do we get you back into a cat?”

You toss your cone into a nearby trash can, “I don’t even know why this is happening, and why to me? What did I do? Why was I cursed to be stuck with your pervy little-

“Why do you want me to turn back into a cat so badly? Is it that bad to have me this way?” You look up, surprised to see how somber his face looked.

“But you’re supposed to be-“

“Who says I’m supposed to be a cat? And when I was, you’d always tell me how much you loved me. We’d sleep together, eat together. You’d always talk to me, tell me everything. And now when I’m like this, you treat me lower than a fucking pet.” He turns away, and you could see how genuinely upset he is.

“I can’t help this happened, but all I ever did was love you. Why does it matter how I look?” He says in a broken tone.

You bite your lip, feeling bad at how you’ve been treating him. He’s right— all Tae has ever done was stay by your side, helping you when you needed it, comforting you when you were sad. Even if he’s human now, he’s been the same sweet, caring friend you’ve always had. And all you’ve done since the incident was be a dick to him.

You walk up to him, reaching for his hand. He’s still looking away, so you bring your other hand to his cheek, making him look over. It breaks your heart once you see how sad he actually was, and it made you feel like the worst person on the planet.

You caress his cheek, squeezing his hand lightly, “I-“

“Tae?”

Both your heads whip over to a women standing a few feet in front of you. She has long, wavy black hair that cascades past her rosy cheeks and milky colored skin. Her makeup is nice and light, but you can tell she would be beautiful even without it. You see her surprised facial expression, and you’re confused as ever. How could she possibly know him? She must’ve confused him for someone else, there’s no way-

“Youngji.” Tae whips his hand away from you, causing you to flinch. You can’t help but feel a little hurt since he’s never shied away from your touch. He turns his body so your other hand is away from his cheek, moving his hands to his pockets as his eyes never leave the woman.

She gives him a faint smile, “Long time no see.”

[candycanes19]

Playing in the Dark with No Escape  ***NON CON***

PLEASE READ THAT THIS IS DARK.  NON CON   RAPE

It is dark with just a bit of sun shining through the small window and you are alone.  Thankfully Daniel is not beside you and you relax and sit up and realize that your left arm is not cuffed.  You get up and go to the door wishing that it would open but it doesn’t.  You head into the bathroom and deal with your morning routine. 

Daniel had given you some comfy pajamas so at least you did not feel that exposed constantly. But right now the thought of a shower sounded perfect so you turned on the water and then walked in and let the water spray over you.   You were scrubbing yourself off hard to try and get rid of anything Daniel on you but you knew that was impossible because unfortunately some of it was mental and those images might never leave you but hopefully they will disappear.

Finally after attempting to wash the sin away you sat down on the shower floor and hugged yourself and just cried.  You felt so ashamed and horrible for letting this man hurt you and you knew it was not your fault but you were stuck.  He had you locked in a room like a caged animal.  You missed your life and you wanted it back.  

Fighting Daniel was hard because he was strong and overpowered you easily.  And he kept claiming he was in love with you and you barely knew him.  You had seen him around the office and it was true he was handsome oh so handsome.  But those were the ones you needed to be careful of and you weren’t and now you were his prisoner.  

And he was obsessed with getting you pregnant with his baby.  You were freaking out because he sure was not using condoms and you were not on birth control because you had no need at that time to be on it.  So there was a good chance his goal was going to happen and bringing a baby into this situation was bad, very bad.   

Daniel seemed determined to knock you up but if he was hurting you, how would he treat your baby?   The thought of Daniel hurting a baby or your baby made you sick.  A baby was precious and needed to be taken care of and loved.   You thought to yourself if you did get pregnant which was not out of the question would you be able to handle it and how it was conceived and that Daniel would be the father?

The water in the shower started to turn cold so you shook your head of all the thoughts and turned off the water and got out.  You dried yourself up and did not want to see your reflection from the crying so you walked out of the bathroom.  

“Princess” you jumped when you heard the nickname and saw Daniel standing there still in his suit.  He looked immaculate and dashing.

“I was wondering where you were but then I heard the water running and was happy that you were awake” he walked over to you with a devilish grin.  He let his finger wander along your collarbone and then grabbed the towel and ripped it off of your body.  You made a run for the door but he was on your so fast that you both tripped and fell onto the ground.  Daniel was on top of you and pinned you to the floor.

“Princess, why do you keep feeling the need to run away.  I am not going to hurt you baby.” And he used his body to keep you still and you heard the familiar sound of a zipper being undone and that pissed you off again.  It took every bit of your strength and when he was a bit distracted you elbowed him in his side.

“Oof” Daniel groaned and fell slightly and you tried to move away but that little hit did not do much, “Whore seriously?” and that pissed him off even more and he slammed you back down on the floor. 

Your cheek hit the hard floor and you cried out, “Oww” but before you could say anything else he kicked your legs apart and lifted your hips just enough to slam his cock into you.  You thrashed but he seemed to be enjoying you fighting him.  

“Fuck baby you like it rough huh? Then that is how it will happen more often.  Fuck you are so good for me.” his thrusts got rougher and harder and he was hitting you in the right spots and unfortunately came for him.  He continued his rough pace until he emptied his come inside your pussy.

“Fuck fuck fuck” and then he collaspsed on you.  You were squished and it was uncomfortable especially with Daniel’s huge body laying on top of you.

“Get the fuck off of me” you screamed and Daniel unceremoniously pulled out roughly which hurt and then you were yanked up by the arm.

“Telling me what to do? You think you have that right when you keep trying to get away.”  He turned you around and slapped you across the face and you fell onto the floor again.

You tried to get up and he kicked you, “Whores stay on the floor when they do not listen.  If you get up again, you will be sorry.’  you hugged yourself and cried while Daniel tucked himself back into his pants and left the room.  

After a bit you got up and put on some clothes and went and got into the bed. You grabbed the blanket and covered yourself up.  

You thoughts were going everywhere what the fuck was wrong with him.  He said he would not hurt you yet he hits you and calls you whore and rapes you again.  Talking to yourself, “I don’t care about me anymore.  I can’t do this why? God why? Just one little miracle to let me go please?  I beg of you please please?” and you cry yourself to sleep like normal.

*************************************************

Daniel shows himself again after a bit with food for you.  You sit up and decide fighting him is not worth your energy.  He sets the tray down in front of you and then sits next to you.

“Princess, I am so sorry for hitting you. I didn't mean to hurt you.  I love you but you were trying to get away and I just do not understand why?  I know you are scared after what I did and I wish I had not done that but you needed to be taught a lesson.  Now eat your food and if you are good later I might let you go outside and get some fresh air.” 

You eat your food and do not ask any questions. Because maybe you can distract him and run away and be free of this madman.

*******************************

Sure enough Daniel kept his word and took you to the backyard of his brownstone house. It felt so good to be outside and see the world.  Even if it had only been a couple of days.  Still you were not stuck in the dark room and it was early evening but it just felt like freedom.  You were looking around to see if there was any way to escape but Daniel was constantly by your side and watching you like a hawk. 

“Are you enjoying yourself princess?” he asked you, pulling you against him in a hug.

“Yes Daniel now please let me go.  I want to go home.” you insisted which was not smart because he grabbed your hair and made you look up at him.

“What did I tell you before?  This is your home and you hopefully have conceived by now with my child.  So there is no place for you to go.  Do I make myself clear?” then he pushed you down onto the grass. 

You sat there as he looked down at you with pure hatred.  He grabbed your head with one hand and undid his zipper with the other and roared, “Suck my cock whore” and he push you towards his hard cock.  You did as he said and opened your mouth and he pushed his cock into your mouth.  

“Fuck I knew you would be good at this princess.  Sucking me off like such a good princess. Fuck”  you licked and sucked and Daniel seemed happy and then he pulled out quickly.

 He lifted you up and laid you down on the patio sofa and opened your legs and pushed your panties to the side and thrust into you.  You were not surprised at this point and just laid there and let him do his thing.  

He came in you hard and painted your pussy white, “Fuck, ok princess let’s get you off now” and he continued to thrust into you and he played with your clit and you came quickly.

“Good girl for coming on my cock and letting me give you more of my seed.  Hopefully we have conceived by now.” he stated nonchalantly.

You did not reply because how could he be so excited about a baby when he is cruel to you.  You still were worried about how he would treat a baby.  But he seemed very determined to put a baby in you.

Daniel pulled out and fixed himself and you.  He then helped you down off the table and brought you to sit by him on the patio sofa. 

He kissed your temple and then turned your face so you could look at him and he leaned in for a kiss and you tried to move away but he held your face so you could not turn away.  And he made you kiss him again.

After the kiss you pulled back and got up but Daniel grabbed you around your waist and you tried to fight him and scream but he put his hand over your mouth.

“Hush Princess, no one can hear you.  I know my neighbors are both gone out of town that is why I gave you this time outside.  I know what you are trying to do but you will not leave me ever. You are mine and always will be mine.” and with that you gave up your fight again. 

He dragged you back up to the room and left you in there alone.  

You slammed your hands against the door, “Why me Daniel why?” you stopped because what was the point and your hands hurt.  You sank to the floor and ended up falling asleep right there.  You were exhausted, nauseous and just done with everything and were starting to wonder if your only hope was to be the mother of Daniel’s children. 

[pcygoldenchild]

Ambassador Kim Jongin

🐻summary: Kim Jongin, Ambassador of Gucci, and one hell of a man. You, designer for the newest collection, and one guilty of falling star struck. Opportunity, easier said than done.

🐻warnings: NSFW (later parts), other than that, just a good read...for now.

“This design needs to be fresh. A new season is fast approaching and last seasons designs will be hard to beat. So after careful deliberation, I have decided who the lead designer will be. Y/N.”

You heard it, but you honestly thought you daydreamed it. You sat at the end of the table making your pens stack as you always did in these meetings. A new designer was to be appointed for the season. Someone capable of creating a masterpiece to top the monstrous revenue of last season. Good luck to them.

And now, 3 months later, you were starting your first fittings for your designs. What a rollercoaster.

You stayed up nights for weeks on end redoing designs before you even proposed them. The last thing you ever thought you’d do was be appointed something this important. But being voted among all the directors meant they thought you were more than capable. And you were.

Your designs were approved on the first meet. Even your own rejects were approved. You had a gift but you didn’t think anyone seemed to notice, but everyone did. It just wasn’t your time, now was your time.

“Hey, you ready?” your right hand Michelle said peeking into your office. She was so excited for you. It helped ease the nervousness of meeting your models. You stood up straight and rolled your shoulders before heading out to the conference room. You were stopped by your director outside the room. He pulled you aside and had the look of ‘I hope you’re not mad’ painted on his face.

“What’s wrong?” you asked a little panicked but well hidden.

“Well...everything is going well. All of the wonderful models have arrived. They all love your designs and are really eager to meet you.” he said. You guess he was giving you good news first.

“But?” you hesitated. You really didn’t need to know any bad news before going in but if it was important, you must?

“The ambassador is here.” he said fast like ripping off a bandaid.

You didn’t know how to respond. You’d only been slightly aware of the ambassador. Of course you knew of him; he was incredibly important to Gucci. His appearances and modeling for designes and pieces were an instant sell out. But you didn’t know him as a person. You just knew he was important and you’d love to meet him.

“Should I be nervous?” you finally said after a minute of silence. Your director just stood biting his nails waiting for a reaction. He sighed when you did and smiled.

“Of course not! He’s...very kind and shy. I think you two would get along great!” he said leading you back to the door.

“Then why warm me?” you asked. It wouldn’t be any reason to want someone who is nice and kind. So what was the warning about?

“He’s the ambassador for a reason. I can say as a fan of him, he’s incredibly attractive in person and we need to be on our best behavior.” he said winking at you before walking in. You laughed a little. You knew he was attractive, hell he was a face of Gucci. What difference could there be?

You walked into the office and saw a huddle of people at the other end of the room. All the models and the director were all looking at something. You cleaned your throat as you stood at the end of the table. They all looked up at you and slowly spread out to show what they were looking at. And you couldn’t blame them.

In the dead center of the huddle was Ambassador Kim Jongin. Radiant to say the least. His skin was like pure honey. Pictures did him no justice you will admit. His deep brown eyes were like silk staring into yours. His reassuring smile was like an angels. Were you being dramatic, yes. But it felt right at the time.

“Hi. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” he said walking up to you with his hand out. You took it easily and smoothly. You were always good at hiding your amazement; a weirdly amazing trait to have.

“Nice to finally meet you Mr. Kim.” you replied politely which only brightened his cute smile. He looked down at what he was holding and held it up.

“These are amazing. I wondered what they would pull out to defeat last years quota. I doubted the ability to do so. But you are a surprise. These are phenomenal really. They should have chosen you much sooner.” he said brightly. You were sure you were bright red from the way your heart was pounding. It was compliments. You received them so much over the course of 3 months you’d think you’d be used to them by now. But these were different somehow. Ah maybe because he was fucking beautiful. Maybe.

“Thank you for the kind words. These came out of a lot of passion so I’m glad they surprised you. But if I were out sooner, I’d have nothing to blow you away with Mr. Kim.” you smiled. You don’t know where that came from. It was slightly flirtatious you think. And based on the smile on his face, you think he heard it too. It came out so easily that you just went with it. Can’t show signs of embarrassment now. Need to stand on all 10 toes.

“You’re absolutely right. But now, no one may exceed this. And please call me Kai.” he smiled. He smiled and smiled since you laid eyes on him. Did he ever not smile?

“Well since we’re all getting acquainted here, hi I’m Jenna your main model. Hello Kai.” interrupted the supposed Jenna. She stood tall and thin with a pretty face but obviously a ugly soul. Her hand was held out to Kai to take and kiss but his reaction was not one you expected. His face was no longer in his beautiful smile as he looked at you. He turned to the smirking girl and looked her up and down before putting his hands in his pockets.

“Mr. Kim to you.” he said before walking off to the table. You couldn’t help but snicker along with the others but her attention was on you. You stopped and smiled coyly before placing your hand out to shake hers but she just rolled her eyes and turned away to sit. Of course she went to sit next to Kai but he moved to sit next to you at the end of the table. You knew this would be a lot harder than you expected.

The meeting went as this: your models were the sweetest and most attentive people you’ve ever worked with. Kai was hard to not focus on. You don’t know if he does it to everyone, but the entire time you talked, he stared intently at you. When you looked over at him his eyes were trained on your lips and eyes. He followed your every word like his life depended on it. Jenna on the other hand kept making noises and let out annoying sighs everytime you said something. It was quite frustrating but you didn’t let her ruin your amazing day.

After the meeting you talked to some of the models, got a couple numbers and such, networking. You were all just relaxing in the conference room when Kai caught your eye. He was stood near the board of your designs and fabrics inspecting it as such. He was very precious about details.

“You don’t socialize much, do you?” you ask as you walk up to him with a glass of champagne. It was Gucci you worked for.

“I just don’t see anyone worth socializing with other than you. And you have a job to do.” he said.

“My job is to get to know you all. To socialize with my models. And you are my model.” you smile.

“You were busy.” he smiled back.

“You could come in and join anytime.” you replied back. The banter light and fast.

“I can wait.” he said.

“I’m here now.” you replied. He smiled before saying anything.

“Yes you are.” he whispered. There was a moment silence between you two. It was comfortable since you just wanted to look at him. He was deep in thought as he looked at you.

“I’d like to take you to dinner.” he said suddenly. You were taken by surprise obviously. You turned to look behind you incase he was talking to someone else. But he laughed and cleared his throat.

“I’m talking to you. It can’t be that much of a shock. I’ve been flirting all meeting.” he said.

“You’re very coy Kai.” you joked. He was flat out asking you out.

“I’m no such thing. Being coy wouldn’t get me to be the Ambassador or a date with you.” he smiled. He was right.

“A date? With Kai? Oh Jenna’s going to be so upset with me.” you joked. You took out your phone and handed it to him. He laughed at your joke and put his number in. Then he took out his phone but you didn’t take it.

“I never agreed Kai. If I say yes, I’ll text you. My time is precious Mr. Ambassador.” you smirked before walking away. You’d say yes. Obviously, you weren’t dumb. And you were quite lonely so a handsome Kim Jongin would be amazing. But what’s the fun in just a simple ‘yes’. You’d like to leave him guessing.

[nightmare-circus]

Serica | Reaction 4/4 | Ode to…

When: Second motive, when their surroundings were not these ephemeral islands but a quiet village. In the midst of suffocating fear, after she had committed to holing up in her room, before he had come to stay with her.

Where: On their mirrors. Due to aforementioned self-isolation.

Who: One conspiracy theorist, one nurse. Just friends, for now.

What:

( > seriously though i dont want to find you dead )

> then don’t go looking

( > how could i not? )

Why:

IX. Yamamoto, Deacon

Was it her fault, for trying to make concrete plans for the future?

( “Deacon Yamamoto, I will do everything in my power to make sure you and I can leave here, that I will find you and bring you home and we’ll spend days just sitting on the couch watching terrible sitcoms, riding on the subway gossiping about tourists, walking through the park hand in hand…“ )

No, that was stupid. 

Serica may have been a woman who believed in more than the average person, trusted in platitudes and jinxes where others would scoff, but even in the midst of the unthinkable she was dimly aware this wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t his fault. It was…. someone else. Someone else’s fault.

A someone else who she needed to find. But, she found herself once again incapable of meaningfully investigating. Not this time for exaggerated pain and weakness, but of a pure inability to move forward both physically and psychologically.

She’s done this before. She had just forced herself to shallowly rationalize and pack away the deaths of Miles, Juniper, Tatsuya, Elise. One more couldn’t be bad. She was great at compartmentalization wasn’t she? She was able to laugh and have drinks hours after poisoning a man, she was able to pretend to be a victim when only half an hour before she had killed one Danny Ostergard with her two hands. If she approached this from a distance, with the veneer of a woman who had nothing to do with the dead man before her, with the objectivity of a woman who simply was trying to figure out what was going on… she could do this, right?

Let’s begin.

How does she even begin to explain Deacon Yamamoto?

(Ah… he’d probably like that reference, wouldn’t he?)

u/BoysBBUGS ||  u/aviary23

Head mod of Fanatical Ravings of the Disappeared, he(?) had a lot of theories that she didn’t necessarily subscribe to, but saw his contributions interesting to pick at. Ships passing through the night on the world wide web ocean.

IX. The Hermit || XI. Justice

A neighbor of a neighbor, though she hadn’t seen him around much. Does he keep to himself? Why the mask?

Cockroach & Serica

A riot of a man, able to make her laugh to hysterics at their first meeting. Supposedly 32 years old, supposedly unable to bath for fear of chemicals, supposedly with child with a man he had just met. Willing to have himself come off as incredibly unreasonable in public. Despite all this, clearly intelligent, clearly possessed a mind that had a voracious appetite for information and was wonderful to bounce theories on. An asset, despite it all.

( “I’m Serica by the way!” )

[…]

“They gave me the name Cockroach. Fucking COCKROACH Ser. What kinda joke is this shit?”

“I have a dumb fucking gift and Cockroach might as well be my real name since I doubt I’ll ever hear my original one ever again.”

Roach & Riccy

Slippery in every way, but not so unreasonable as he seemed. Logic was a great way to combat him, and any answer often had to be weaseled with either heavy theorizing (her specialty) or with a tango with some off the cuff roleplaying (decidedly not her specialty). She wouldn’t be so cocky to say that he changed his habits for her but… she thinks she had a hand in convincing him. He really wasn’t so bad, if you gave him a chance, and he’d surprised her more than once with acts of care and thoughtfulness.

Dee & ██

A friend for sure, and one who seemed to have a genuine loyalty. No qualms at seeing her drop a stun gun in front of him, no reservations when she admitted tentatively that she slept with a knife, no judgements when she casually brought up murder once more. Morals in the traditional sense didn’t seem to shackle him, which was very convenient to incorporating him into her tentative plans. 26, not 32. A New Yorker, as well though rather than any borough, his car was his home. Given his life he had become a stranger to hugs, to positive affection, but once he had a taste he was hungry for more. For all his mock lovers and public swooning, he was dense to actual subtle flirting.

( “My middle name. Aka, no risk of harming me if a faelien hears it. ██.” )

“I don’t have a middle name. I’d tell you if I did, swear. You can call me Dee though. It’s a part of my first name and you already know the first letter of it when I fucked up that one time. So Dee is a pretty good substitute then, yeah?”

Deacon & ███

Incredibly cute. A true newcomer to being hit on, to being told he’s handsome, to being kissed, to being in a relationship. A strong backbone even as she herself wavered in the days leading up to the decisive moment. Determined, stating possibilities as if they were facts and refusing to acknowledge her agonizing over the worst case scenario. Through everything, an unwavering support, a hand on her back, a shoulder to lean on. A good singer of lullabies, in her opinion.

( “███. My name is ███.” )

“Deacon.”

Deacon Yamamoto & ███ ██ █

Did not hold himself in the same concern he showed her. Makes a fuss in the public chat about the wrongs done to him but brushes off the severity when questioned by his own girlfriend. Still a liar, still a master of faking a smile. 

( “I won’t remember much but i’ll know your name, your, that you helped me so much in escaping that, that you mean the World to me–” she’s just babbling “I probably will believe myself if, if I actually try to find your information or maybe your drivers license– maybe if I put you in as a missing person or– But oh no will you believe me? What if I just show up at your car and you just think I’m a scam artist or–” )

“My license plate is HGO789. Deacon Yamamoto. I’ll believe you. I’ll always believe you.”

( “…█. My last name is… █.” )

███ ██ █

There once was a man upon whom was foisted a change. Upon his rise to a breathing dream, he was stripped of his taste and stripped of subsequent limits. Immune not only to the aches of poison but the salve of saccharin, the burn of capsaicin. To match with his steel stomach was his mercurial tongue, not gifted but cultivated carefully. Silvery and poisonous with every other word, it was at the command of a mind that paralleled in fluidity. It was as if he was a maestro, and his instrument of choice was a dictionary, phrases and scenarios slung with such rapidity that all who listened were on guard for constant whiplash.

So, it meant something when words became actions.

Anyone can say anything. He especially was able to say anything, a master class perjurer of the highest degree. The sun was about to peek through the sky at any moment, he was a Staten Island woman in an unhappy marriage trying to hook up her hair dresser with her son, he was fine, he was going to be okay, he was going to get out of here–

…

There is a difference, between telling someone that you will take consideration for the situation, and spending precious currency to fit yourself with a weapon.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you will help them, protect them, and taking the extra mile to pull down the mattress of a woman who’s waking hell of a gift would not let her climb up the steps otherwise.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you want them to live and helping them plan and execute the death of another person.

There is a difference, between telling someone that you want to live and…

…

(She was failing miserably in this task).

…

No one who looked at his body, at the stagnant ichor dripping out of his head, could understand the potential for warmth like she would. His fingers combing through her hair, pulling out loose tangles and tucking locks behind her ear so she could look at him unfettered. A grin, not sharp and pulled taught, but gently reassuring, murmuring soothing phrases to ease her anxious hands. Irises, bright not with the promise of information to unravel but with unbridled emotion that made his eyes crinkle, a devoted gaze meant for one.

One person, who stood here alone.

“And it’s not like I need it, yanno? I kinda wasted my life away before all of this. Not sure if I want it back.”

"I won’t die. Not yet at least. I have some things that need getting done." 

“I mean I’m not gonna let myself die after I break a leg like some racehorse. I wanna be useful, not a damn trigger happy martyr. ” He had snorted. “I’ll still make a valiant effort to get out of here Rics. But if it comes down to me and you? Well.” He had shrugged. “As a consolation prize I will say, you do make me wanna become someone worth living again.”

"I was impliiiied my dear, of course I’m making it out of here with you. What would the point be otherwise. I was trying to make it seem all badass and broody, adding a technicality to it all would’ve been underwhelming.”

“You’re going to be stuck with me until the end of times.”

“You’re getting out of- we’re getting out of here. You were wonderful.”

“Yes I know. I will. I’m going to get out. With you.”

“Of course, █. We can live a life worth living together out there.”

“It’s going to be alright █.”

“I love you █, please. Trust me, things are gonna be fine.”

“One day at a time.”

One day at a time, she had repeated.

One day at a time, she repeats, staring at his face, flesh frozen in the way that only a cadaver could. She’d never forget the first time she had touched a dead body, and was forced to confront the jarring dissonance, the coldness, the stiffness, the pallor of the skin that had been warm, soft, pliable, just hours before. Only a child, forced to confront the concept of lives ending for the first time. Since then she had seen more than her fair share, from work, from this place, before her very eyes.

Joints creak and echo through her body as she moves, finally. To fold her knees under herself, sit at his side, hand hovering indefinitely, torn between not having to face that final moment of confirmation and wanting to just hold him once more. Before she would have to be torn from him for hours, before they returned from a useless trial and his body would be gone, before she’d have to trudge to their caravan, who’s emptiness would threaten to collapse on her.

“There is nothing worse than not knowing.”

( “No, there’s nothing worse than not living.” )

[btgalaxy]

The Broken Heart Of An Innocent

masterlist

➳ a/n: I hope you enjoy it! - admin soo

➳ genre: angst

➳ pairing: yoongi x reader

➳ word count: 2.7k

warnings:  suicide and depression. please refrain from reading if you’re in a fragile state of mind. 

Dear Yoongi,

I’ve tried to figure out why you broke up with me for the past few months. I honestly thought at the beginning that this might have been my fault. It was me, after all, that couldn’t have kids. It was me that was different. Even though you made sure that I believe in myself; that I love myself and that I speak for myself, I lost those things when you broke my heart, Yoongi. Did you lose them too?

It isn’t your fault that I am doing this, please do not take it that way. But our break up helped me to realise one thing, I don’t want to live. I never wanted to live. I did live, yes. But why? Did I do it because I had some goals? Or did I do it because society wanted me to? I can only imagine what people are saying now. “She must have been weak, that’s why she killed herself”. Is that what they’re saying? 

Or are they understanding of my pain? Of the pain of having this empty void inside my heart? I could feel something, some emotions, only when we were together. I learned what a joy and what a colourful world we have, when we feel things. So now I lost this ability to feel, I am lost. I want to enjoy things, I want to smile at the kids running through water fountains when it’s hot outside. I want to smile whenever I smell my favourite white roses. I can’t. Why?

I’m sorry to the boys, please, take care of them. I’m sorry that I’ve pretended to be better, I just didn’t want them to worry. I know that they wouldn’t be able to forgive you this unless I move on. Please, don’t tell them what really happened. Please, do keep this a secret, and have your family by you. Will you do that?

I’ve organized everything for when you come back, there will be nothing left in the flat, I’ve put some important things in our deposit box, you can give them to the boys, say that I went back to my birth country and that those are the only things that I left behind me. For you, I’ve left you something precious. I don’t know if you’ll want it, but I hope that my thoughts aren’t real and that you still love me. Do you?

I feel sleepy now, so I’m going to finish it quickly. I love you, I thank you for the amazing 2 years, thank you for showing me how life should look like. Thank you for waking up the spark within me, thank you for the dreams I started to have when I met you. Thank you for introducing me to your bulletproof family. Thank you for your...

It was too late to apologise. Mistakes had been made, words had been said. All the hurt that wasn't meant to be given, was not only given but received. A person that should give only love, a smile, warmth to the heart, gave nothing but the feeling of a broken heart. 

This endless misery of despair and sorrow should give you pain only, but when your heart is shattered by your soulmate it shows the happy memories; it takes you back to the happiest moments of your relationship, when you both shared your most honest smiles. It tells you the story of how you should be grateful for the love you received. It doesn't tell you to hate, to hide in your feelingless shell. No, it shows you the best moments so you could learn what you've lost. 

It shows you how you’ve met, the shy smile that you shared when you both ordered large iced americano at local Starbucks. How he surprised you and came to your table asking, how such a pretty girl orders such dark coffee, to which you replied with the same question. How does such pretty boy order such dark coffee, but, in reality, you wondered how does such a handsome man talk to you? It shows you your first kiss, how his lips touched yours, afraid of you running away from him. Your lips returning his kiss, your tongue slowly opening his upper lip, afraid of going too fast in your relationship.

“You don’t have to force yourself to do something you don’t want to do, darling” was the very first sentence that convinced your heart that this man is worth your trust.

“I need to break up with you,” he said. As if your world didn't break apart the moment words left his lips. He left. He moved on with his life. He decided for both of you, that this is the time. This is the end.

And so, with those words, you thought of the end, of how to end this excruciating pain. Yet, you couldn't force yourself to reach for that blade, for those pills, for the liquid poison that you liked to savour in small amounts.  

You were sitting with this emptiness in your heart, in your thoughts, when you heard a knock, a doorbell being rung. You knew you were supposed to leave the warmth of the bubbly water; it is something that is expected of people, after all. To open the door. But at that moment, you honestly couldn’t care less. You lost your light; you lost your will to fight, to live.  

So, you sat in that lukewarm water, becoming colder with every passing minute. You wondered if maybe your recent talk had caused it. You knew that this secret of yours would destroy any relationship, yet you decided to reveal it. After all, it was honesty that was the foundation of every good relationship. You wondered if maybe that statement wasn't true; if maybe some secrets should never be revealed.  

“I can't have kids. I can't get pregnant.”

When the water became ice-cold you reached the conclusion that devastated you forever. You were the cause of why your world fell apart. Even though he claimed there was nothing that could break his love for you, this must have been the limit of his love. The limit that he’d never met before the obstacle that couldn't be overcome. The Berlin Wall. The Dutch Water Line. The Mount Everest of his love.  

His love for you withered away like a flower without light. His dream of being a father was something that always kept him motivated; his dream of telling stories - of making his dreams come true - was something that kept his body going. But when this possibility was taken away from him, he gave up on you. He gave up on your future, he gave up on your heart. 

Your ears picked up a slight creaking noise when the heavy entry door was being pushed open and before you took notice of this fact, you heard your name being called throughout the house.

“Y/N!” it wasn’t the voice you longed for; it wasn’t the voice that could glue your heart back together. When your name is being summoned, you’re supposed to answer this call, but the only thing you did was stare at the view in front of your bathtub. 

You loved the fact that you lived high up in the building and had a window stretching through the whole length of the wall in your bathroom; it allowed you to appreciate the crystal-clear night sky. The sky seemed to share your pain; stars being covered with the clouds, fighting for their light to shine through the vale of darkness. But when it seemed that the stars might have had a chance to win, the clouds covered their source of motivation; their moon was taken over by the same darkness that covered your heart, the moment you heard those devastating words.

“I don’t love you anymore. It’ll be better for both of us if we end it now.” 

He was the one that thought of it. He was the one that decided for both of you. You, on the other hand, weren’t better off without him. You still loved him; he was your light, and you thought it worked both ways. That you were also his light.

“For fuck's sake, Y/N! You answer when someone calls you! Are you okay?” Your brain told you to answer, but your body refused. What’s the need for speech? You have no reason to live. What’s the need to announce that you’re still breathing? What’s the possible reason behind admitting that you’re still alive and in pain?

You felt your hand being taken into another; you saw worried eyes in front of yours. Yet, you didn’t react. You just looked at the face of your dear friend - another reminder of your broken heart. He was not only your best friend, but also you his. You should have felt some kind of emotion, probably negative, but you felt nothing. You went numb. You didn’t want to cry, smile, hug. You wanted nothing. You wanted to disappear from this world and join the stars in their fight. At least they wouldn’t suffer the way you were.

“Y/N.” This time it was a whisper. A warm whisper, an inviting whisper; the kind that brings peace even to the most violent fight. “Why are you in your clothes?”  

He hadn’t even noticed the bloody blade next to you, same with the half-empty bottle of vodka. The blade was so close to you, yet so far away. You saw the blood on its ridges and wondered who had a chance to get to it before you. You were the one that wanted to suffer no more. The only thing that you needed to do was to just stretch your hand. But even this simple move was too much for you. Your friend must have noticed that there was no point in trying to cooperate with you.

“Get up, change into new clothes. I’ll take you to bed.”

Instructions were something you could follow, as it turned out a few minutes later when you were being put to bed by your dearest friend, Namjoon. He asked if you wanted him to lie with you, and you must have nodded your head, as he soon held you into his body. You knew it was healthy to cry your sadness out, but it must have been out of your limits, as you closed your eyes and went straight into deep night sleep.  

You wandered through the land of Morpheus, dreaming of the future that was now lost, of the happy moments with your three kids. Your dogs chasing after them in the garden through the sprinklers. Then you, sat on the porch with your husband right next to you, your fingers entangled with his, smiles and pride evident on both of your faces. Your heart filled with joy, happiness, love, pure bliss.  

Soon enough, though, you had to leave the land you started to love so much, to go back to the cruel reality. In your bed, there was no one. Namjoon must have gone to work; at least that’s what you thought and slightly hoped for. You reached for your phone that was placed yesterday on the nightstand next to your bed. Your stomach reminded you of the desire to eat, so you decided to order something from the place near your house. Jajangmyeon and japchae. Your favourite dishes.  

Ten minutes later your food had arrived, so you left your bed in order to get breakfast. That’s when you noticed that Namjoon didn’t leave your apartment. No, in fact, he went even further. He brought the rest of your group. You thought it was your delivery ringing the doorbell, but it was your friends.  

“Y/N!” Jimin ran to you and enveloped you in an honest hug. You didn’t return it, you only looked at the hands of Jin that had them full of dishes he must have cooked for you. So, you left Jimin, grabbed the dishes you needed, went to the kitchen for some chopsticks and sat by the table to eat.  

“Hey, baby girl, you alright?” this was all you needed to snap. The two words that were reserved for your lover, the cause of your self-hatred, was all you needed to snap. To start screaming, to start the uncontrollable stream of tears going out of eyes.  

All of it was such a blur, that until this day you don’t know what you screamed. The only thing you remember from snapping was what happened after it. All 6 of the boys cuddled you, not letting go until your legs gave out. Until your heart brought the sadness it should bring from the beginning. Until your tears dried out, and until your devastating emotions came back alive.  

“It’s all my fault.”

“Darling, it isn’t your fault, trust me. It’s even beyond him, he had to do it.” You heard Jin’s voice clearly, so clearly that you felt as if his words were a loud church bell sounding on the Sunday’s morning mass. His words lingered in your thoughts and when you thought that this is the end; that they were gone; that you could let it go, move on, they came back. The thoughts of you being the fault for your unhappiness, the thoughts of him being forced to break up with you because of your circumstances. Because you were different. Because you weren’t normal as every single person around him. They always sneaked their way back to your mind.

You saw your friends almost every day after the breakup. They always made sure for someone to drop by your place in the evening and check on you. Sometimes they’d stay for the night, hugging your body tightly to their chests, talking to you total nonsense to stop you from crying. To distract you.

That’s how you came up with your plan. You decided to make the boys feel good, make them happier, remove this constant worry from their lives. You didn’t want to add to their stresses and worries; you knew what kind of restraint their careers put on them, and you didn’t want to add another problem to the already big pile. You watched them becoming more relaxed around you; you watched them giving you their biggest smiles, whenever they saw a delicate smile on your lips. You watched them going to their own beds at night.

Finally, after a few weeks of this tiring affectation from you, you got the big news. This was actually the first time you felt happy in months. Yes, you pretended to be happy, and you felt relieved when you saw your boys smiling, but what you felt at that moment was pure happiness. You jumped around your room, singing to happy songs, dancing around with wine in your hand and snacks on the table. They were going on tour, finally.

There was still a lot of time before they went, but you’d found endless sources for being happy in front of them, now that you knew they were going away. This only made them feel even better. They were worried for you for the past few months, ever since Yoongi broke up with you. They all tried to convince Yoongi to ask for you back, they all believed that you two together, was what made you both truly happy. That you both were destined to be together. They didn’t understand why he broke up with you. He never told them the true reason behind, always dismissed them with:

“It’s better for both of us.”

Finally, the day came. You’ve met with them the day before, drank some alcohol, wished them luck on their tour and wished them to have many amazing memories to tell you when they’ll come back. And you hugged them. Jimin asked you constantly whether everything is alright, but the only thing you said to him, every single time, was:

“Yes, Jimin. I’m finally happy.” 

So you’d prepared everything the same night. The moment they left the country, you’d started to realise your plan. You went to your favourite restaurant, your favourite park, played with dogs at the shelter. You bought your favourite brand of vodka, you took out your pills and ran a warm bath at night, to watch the stars for the last time.

[todobaku-shoukat]

The Heir that was Switched at Birth (11/?)

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18906280/chapters/45814504

“Hello everybody, I am your host, Jun!” A handsome man with his hair dyed red smiles widely to the camera in front of him. “You must be wondering, what’s this, Jun? Why are you at the airport? Where are you going? Well, we are going to have an adventure! You’ve seen jungle survival shows, you’ve seen rich CEOs. But what you have not seen, is a combination of both! But of course, we cannot have our precious CEOs in the jungle. What we have instead is a bunch of CEOs and a bunch of idols enjoying village life. So how will the wealthiest people in the country who are used to the lavished city life survive in a poor remote village? Stay tuned to find out! But first, let’s introduce our guests!

 “You’ve all definitely seen him before. The most powerful man in the country, Todoroki Shouto! Mr Todoroki, please introduce yourself and say a few words about your feelings joining this program.”

 “Good afternoon, I am Todoroki Shouto. To tell you all the truth, this show is an advertisement for Todoroki corporation and Bakugou corporation’s joined project in opening up Oka village for tourism. I hope that you all can understand the beauty of the village through this program and save me some face by visiting this village yourselves.” Todoroki says seriously.

 “Hahaha! Mr Todoroki, you are too honest. Viewers, considering that the great CEO has come to personally promote this village, please do give up some of your time to watch this advertisement! Next, Mr Todoroki’s partner-in-crime, Mr Shiori!”

 “Hello~ I’m Shiroi Hasu! Even though the media say that I’m the confirmed heir to the Bakugou corporation, this project with Mr Todoroki is really a test to see if I’m truly capable of heading the company in the future. So, for the sake of my inheritance, please do help me~” Shiroi says brightly, voice gentle and smile sweet. If one did not know Shiroi well, they would easily mistake the youth for a pure angel.

 “Haha, Mr Shiroi you’re really humorous.”

 “I’m not joking, Mr Jun,” Shiroi says but his expression makes it appear as if he is. Appearing as if he respected and cared for Bakugou, he jokingly says, “After all, Katsuki is much more talented than me. Father had raised him as the heir and I believe that he will make a great one. But since it’s the tradition to pass on the corporation through blood relations and Katsuki has more interest working in the entertainment industry, I had to work really hard to meet expectations. I’ve really put in a lot of effort to prove myself in this project, so I hope the viewers can also help me prove myself.”

 At first glance, it appears as if Shiroi is merely stating a fact. However, Todoroki and Bakugou could hear that he was secretly reminding everyone that Bakugou “stole” his identity for the past 23 years. They both could imagine the countless hate this would direct at Bakugou when this aired.

 “Mr Bakugou is here today as well. Can you tell us what you think?” Jun says, unaware of Shiroi’s motives.

 “Hello. I’m Bakugou Katsuki. It’s true I don’t have any interest in the Bakugou corporation.” Bakugou says, open and honest.

 “Really? All that money and you’re not even a little bit moved?”

 “Nah. I make enough money as an idol myself. Besides, someone will give me a company to manage if I ever want to.” Bakugou smirks, thinking about the entertainment company Todoroki bought for him. However, the viewers do not know this, making many netizens mock him for being delusional when this part was aired.

 Following Bakugou, Sugaru introduces himself, stating that he is a family of the Bakugou family, here to support their business. But because he is the heir to the largest hospital and has hence appeared in public like that, most people know of his other identity.

 Three other famous celebrities are also on board the program to raise viewership. Sakura, a widely popular actress, Yumi, a famous comedian, and Hiro, a new and popular young idol. Bakugou had strategically chosen these participants, hoping that their popularity and variety sense can help capture the attention of the public. And in all honesty, Bakugou did not want Shiroi and Sugaru to come. Shiroi? There’s no need for any further explanation. As for Sugaru, Bakugou just didn’t like him because of his relationship with Shiroi.

 So why exactly are they here? Because Bakugou cannot help but to give in to his foster mother. Bakugou thinks that this is karma for being so rebellious towards his real mother. The idea for this reality show had came from Bakugou, who wanted to help Todoroki promote his project with Bakugou corporation. After all, it is not easy convincing people used to lavished city life to visit an old village. Besides, as the owner of an entertainment company, Bakugou also wanted to raise its revenue. Hence, he came up with this idea of showing the beauty of the village through a reality show. And what is more convincing and sincere than having the head of the project show them personally?

 At that time, other than Todoroki and obviously himself, Bakugou had only thought of having a few famous celebrities joining the show to raise viewership. Besides, he also knows from personal experience that many fans will be willing to visit the village if their idol has been there. However, Bakugou had conveniently forgotten that Shiroi was also involved in the project. Since it is a joint project, the advertising idea was shared with Bakugou corporation’s side as well. The Bakugou parents had easily approved of Bakugou’s idea, adding that Shiroi should also join since he is also involved in the project. Bakugou’s mother had avidly supported the idea of Shiroi joining, believing that travelling together will make the two brother’s relationship closer. Bakugou, of course, could not reject her when she looked at him expectantly. When she had excitedly shared the news with her best friend, Sugaru’s mother, Sugaru had overheard and insisted on joining as well. Because Sugaru knew how jealous Shiroi is of Bakugou and he also knows how underhanded Shiroi can get, Sugaru worries that Shiroi might take the opportunity to hurt Bakugou. After all, when adventuring in the village, accidents may happen. And since the village is quite remote and old, it might take time for medical help to reach the village. Hence, to protect Bakugou, he insisted on joining. Of course, his excuse is that as Bakugou’s childhood friend, he barely had time to spend with his friend recently. He also claimed to be a useful asset as he knew basic medicine as the heir to the largest hospital.

 And so, that is how Bakugou and Todoroki are stuck with Shiroi and Sugaru for the next few days. Nonetheless, Bakugou cannot help but feel curious and excited.

 Oka village is a rather remote village. In recent years, many of the villagers preferred working in the city because it made more money. People wanted to pull away from the poverty of the village. At first, it was only the young adults moving to the city, leaving their children in the care of the elderly. However, these young parents realise that education is important if they wanted to make more money in the city. Since there was no school past primary education in the village, these young adults began bringing their children to the city, leaving only the elderly in the village. As a result, the village is slowly becoming abandoned. However, the natural sceneries of the village made it a waste for it to become an abandoned one. One of the young villagers that entered the city had managed to join Todoroki’s corporation. One day, he had been sharing about his village with his colleagues when upper management heard of it. The Todoroki corporation had plans to venture into tourism but they did not have a place in mind. With the young villager’s descriptions, the idea of opening up Oka village for tourism was proposed.

 Of course, not just any corporation can randomly open up a village for tourism. That is why Todoroki had sought cooperation with the Bakugou corporation. While Todoroki can make connections with members of the government, it was a lot faster to work with the Bakugou corporation that already had close relations with the government.

 Plans on how to advertise the area had already been made during the initial meetings. However, there were still many concerns. Not only is the village remote, making the trip there arduous, there was also some level of danger. In order to maintain the natural environment, there was little they could do to change these concerns. Hence, it is important to be able to show that the experience in the village is worth the risks.

 This was why Bakugou came up with the idea of this reality show. Initially, it was only about helping Todoroki promote the village. However, as he and Todoroki had begun packaging and getting ready for the show, Bakugou started feeling excited. Despite being together for so long, they have yet to travel together. And when Todoroki had packed lube, Bakugou had gotten flustered, scolding Todoroki for being not being able to separate work and private life. Todoroki had smirked then, saying that this was a honeymoon paid for by the company. Unwilling to let Todoroki win, Bakugou had shot back by asking if Todoroki was excited to have a honeymoon with Shiroi. Todoroki had answered Bakugou using his actions in bed, letting Bakugou know clearly who exactly he wanted to go on a honeymoon with. From then on, Bakugou started to feel a little, just a very very little bit, more enthusiastic about their trip there. Because Todoroki had been rather secretive about the project, Bakugou did not have much expectation about the village, looking forward to the travelling with Todoroki instead of the place itself.

[heungtanbts]

omg girl plz post your drafts on what you want to say to the boys!!

If you were able to sit and talk to each member what would you tell them? And yes. I am purposely asking this so you could get all sappy and die of the good feels 😊

this has been sitting in my drafts for a g e s now. i challenged myself to write only 7 sentences to each member, but still somehow managed to carried away with this. welp here goes nothing. aka warning, looong post ahead.

to namjoon:

you are a great leader because you are understanding, empathetic, a good listener, and truly caring of those that you lead, and please don’t letanyone, including yourself, ever make you think you’re not a worthy leader. you are the most beautiful man, namjoon; your heart is just so big, your thoughtsso deep and profound, you put others before yourself and think deeply about how your words, actions, and decisions will affect others. you are incrediblyhumble, so willing to reflect and admit your own mistakes, and are not afraid to apologize or come clean when it comes to it and the way you own up to your responsibilities is amazing. It must be so much pressure to have to say and do the right things all the time, especially with so many eyes watching andjudging, and yet you lead with such confidence and humility and i just don’t know if you really understand just how incredible you are. thank you for beingso real with us, for sharing your experiences and your heart with the world through your music just so one more person can relate, feel understood and findhealing, and for helping shape bangtan to become what it is today. you’re so down to earth, goofy, adorably clumsy, passionate about blue crabs, aneffortless fashion king, a lyrical genius and poet, charismatically captivating on stage, and like ARMY’s older reliable brother. thank you for teaching us to love ourselves, but don’t you ever forget that YOU ARE SO LOVED and that we will stand behind you no matter what because you are our one and only, precious kim namjoon.  

to jin: 

thank you for being the confident dorky older brother of bangtan that lights up any room and situation with his silly antics and contagious laughter. you may be giving jungkook a run for his money and title as bangtan’s maknae, but you are also so incredibly reliable, cool, calm and collected when necessary, and a true solid foundation for bangtan to be built upon. you’ve taught us all to throw away our insecurities and care for others opinions, and to just be ourselves. i know you go through a lot behind the scenes that no one sees, that you’re shyer than we think, more burdened than it seems, and notalways the happy, hilarious meme you most often portray yourself to be. and i just hope you know that your laughter, your antics, your love for the othermembers, and your decision to always see things on the bright side has truly brought so much joy and comfort for me and other ARMYs. you truly are mr.worldwide handsome, not just because of you literally are prince charming, but also because of how wonderful and genuine your heart is for others and for your fans. thank you for being yourself, keeping bts solid on their feet by being a firm foundation, shining in all your talents (you are so wonderful at singing,dancing, acting, variety, everything!!), and reminding us to live life optimistically and to enjoy it. 

to yoongi: 

thank you for choosing to sign with bighit and become a part of bts,even though you were so wrongly tricked by bang pd (ㅋㅋㅋ) because if you weren’t, you wouldn’t be here, spilling your blood, sweat, and tears into new songs and albums that aren’t just products, but that truly speak about you, your emotions, your experiences and your life. thank you for being so real with all of us and for not shying away from the issue of mental health, because i know that alone has brought many ARMYs so much comfort and hope. thank you for caring so deeply about all the members in your tsundere ways; they absolutely live to see you smile and make you laugh and i hope you know that (actually, we all do). you truly are the dad of bts, not in a bad way, but because you are so steady, you always provide for your members, quietly clean up after their messes without complaint, and care so personally about the growth and well-being of each member. i know you’ve lived a tough life, and you’ve been so open about your struggles while growing up and getting to this point, but i hope you feel that it was all worth it because now you connecting with the world in the universal language that is music and making history just by being yourself. never ever forget that you are so wonderful, your gummy smile and random bouts of hyperness are so endearing, your pure talent and ability to convey so much emotion into lyrics is inspiring, your rawness is so real and comforting, your ability to feel and care so deeply is inspiring, and you truly have changed all of our lives. please take care of yourself, don’t be too hard on yourself, make sure you eat and sleep enough, and know that we are going through this thing we can “life” with you, one day at a time.

to hoseok: 

to our sunshine, our angel and hope, the one with the most contagious laugh and brilliant smile, thank you for existing. i know there were days in the earlier times where people didn’t even recognize or think of you as a part of bts, and those times hurt, knowing that people looked down on you like that and i’m so sorry you had to go through that. but thank you for enduring it, staying true to yourself, never allowing it all to suffocate your wonderful laughter and light, and for loving ARMYs continuously through it all. you arebangtan’s strong pillar, hoseok-ah, you go through so much behind that beautiful smile of yours, endure so much, but never ever complain or show it. you are so strong, not because you hide your struggles, but because you choose to continue to smile, to work hard, to push through and focus on the light atthe end of the tunnel. you’ve always been goofy, but i don’t know if you realize just how much you make your members and us laugh, how much contagioushappiness you bring all of us, and how you can make someone’s day so effortlessly just by being yourself. and i hope you know that no matter how much you want to improve or do better, which is always a great thing, you are ALWAYS good enough because you are you, and you are so lovable and hardworking, and wesee your efforts and growth and appreciate you. thank you for keeping a sound and level head on for each of the members, for lovingly providing feedback andcorrections, and for working so hard for the greater good of the team and for the world. so just as you have taught us, just keep going, keep just being yourloving and talented self, keep showcasing that bright smile and melodious laughter, and remember always that you are worth it. 

to jimin: 

our chimmy, our golden hearted angel, thank you for being so gentle, genuine, loving and caring. you have also been through so much, from the early days when you felt insecure about your weight and image, to training so hard to improve your vocal and dance skills because you didn’t feel like you were enough, to ignoring all the negativity and even death threats from some horrible, horrible people. i’m so sorry such darkness like that exists in this world, but i hope you know that when we see you, all we see is a hardworking, talented, yet so kind hearted and wonderful person who wants to spread love and happiness to everyone. you have such an incredible ability to hold bts together like glue; your loving actions, genuine concern for all your members, and just your desire to want to be with your members all the time truly shows just how much you care. i love that over time, it seems as though you’ve come to love yourself more, for all your strengths and weaknesses, and i hope you never ever let that go because that’s what makes you, you - the you that we just want to hug and cuddle and love upon because you are just so precious! i hope you’ll love your body, eat enough, sleep enough, rest enough, and remind yourself that YOU are enough, and that you’ll continue to grow and flourish as a musician, a performer, and person. you are so beautiful inside and our, jimin-ah, and i hope you know that your heart of gold inspires people every day.

to taehyung:

precious taehyungie, so full of life, so mesmerized by the beauty of nature, completely unafraid of people’s opinions and a true form of radiating happiness. you are so gifted, not just in your superb acting, singing, and performance skills, but also in your ability to be the physical embodiment of a hug - warm, comforting, peaceful and utterly joy-inducing. you express beauty through fashion, your wonderful photography, your unique and adorable displays of affection, your sometimes jumbled but oh so heartfelt words, and through your love for us and your members. thank you for showing us just how important and beautiful family is – and not just related family, but your bangtan and ARMY family. you make us all smile, including your members, and i’m so glad you don’t seem to care enough about what the world thinks because the way you’re so unapologetically you is motivation enough for us to care less about what others think, and more about being ourselves and living life to its fullest. i know you’ve hit tough times, like almost not getting into bts, struggling with tough practices and fears of the future, losing loved ones along the way, and so many more i can only imagine, but the way you’ve still kept your head up with that contagious rectangular smile on your face shows how strong you are, and that itself is the push a lot of us need to keep fighting our own fights. please continue to be yourself to the fullest, to laugh lots and in turn, make your members laugh, to keep yourself healthy, to work hard and make wonderful songs and photos and other works of art, and chase after your dreams, because we will be with you, supporting you every step of the way.

to jungkook: 

to the boy who seems to have it all – talent in all kinds of realms, handsome looks, physical strength and stamina, burning passion, and on top of that, a heart of pure gold. i know you’re used to being called the golden maknae, but there are times i’m afraid you don’t believe it, not just because you’re humble and always see room for growth but also because you don’t realize just how wonderful you truly are. you are all of those things i mentioned earlier, but also so much more; just look at how you have come such a long way from the shy, scared, and less confident boy you were 6 years ago, like i hope you can see all that growth and progression and be proud of yourself. you are so beautifully unashamed of your emotions, you love your members and ARMY so much that it shows even just from the affection in your eyes and how big that bunny tooth smile gets. you are adored because you truly are golden, from head to toe, inside and out, from your musical and performance talents to the way you worry about your hyungs and want to help in whatever way you can, you are so chock full of love and ambition and bts is so lucky to have a maknae like you. as you continue to grow and struggle in this wicked and often unfair world, i hope you’ll continue to burn with ambition, strive after your goals, keep fueling that perseverance that is seriously so admirable, and, again, just keep being the goofy, adorable, hardworking maknae that you are for bangtan. no matter what or how many mistakes you make, or how inadequate you feel, or how frustrated you are with yourself or with life, just know that we, ARMY and your beloved brothers, are 100% by your side, always watching out for you, supporting you in everything you do, and loving you for who you are right now because you don’t need to impress us, we already love you for you.

[atopearth]

Hakuoki: Edo Blossoms Part 2 - Toudou Heisuke Route

It’s kinda ironic that a part of the reason why Nagakura and Harada left in Saito’s route was because Kondou kept partying and drinking sake to get new recruits without focusing on the goal of the Shinsengumi, and yet now in Heisuke’s route, they’re doing the same thing as Kondou in order to try and save the Shinsengumi from the lack of members….

Lmao at Heisuke having checked out Chizuru’s house in Edo already and she’s concerned whether he went into her room and he’s like, he wouldn’t go into a girl’s room🤣 They’re so silly hahaha. Chizuru always thinks that she’s not useful, but I can really see how important she is from Heisuke’s perspective, really, her words, her presence is just so important to him because she understands him so well and can help him stop trying so hard to keep up a tough front when he doesn’t need to. She really helps him let out all his feelings and thoughts and keeps him sane, and you can really see that. I think it’s so important to have someone like that support you from behind, sometimes even more so than someone that can physically fight beside you. Whenever I see Heisuke’s new look though, ughh, he looks like such a little boy! He looked much better with the long hair and everything, sighhh. He’s still cute though I guess lol. I love how depending on Chizuru’s reaction to his new clothes and hair, Heisuke’s attitude towards it changes, he was so much more accepting of it after she called him handsome🤣

The Shinsengumi moving to Edo only served to allow the Furies to go on a rampage there instead! It’s disgusting that they’ve lost all sense of humanity and reached such depravity to kill townspeople for blood! There’s no point of keeping up the Shinsengumi if they just allow these guys to rampage at night! They’re there to protect people, not allow such senseless killing! The poor people! No one deserves to be so mutilated and killed beyond recognition just because these guys desire blood! I don’t like Kazama but it’s good that he and Amagiri are going around at night checking up on these deaths, because the Shinsengumi needs to control the Furies and really not create any more! It’s quite saddening to see how everyone handles being a Fury. For Saito, it was so difficult for him to accept having to drink blood and rely on such a fake power, whereas for Heisuke, not being able to hang with Chizuru in the daylight to simple outings such as looking at flowers torments him, the fact that he’s alive but also not alive hurts him….

Despite everything though, it seems that Nagakura and Harada will still leave because they question Kondou’s ability to lead when during the time they needed to capture the castle, he spent too much time in his hometown for no apparent reason and refused to retreat leading many men to their deaths.. I always find it saddening to see Nagakura and Harada leave the Shinsengumi, but I think it’s even more so this time since they asked Heisuke to leave with them, and when he couldn’t bear to do it considering how much the Shinsengumi had done for him after he got a second chance at life and how much he would be worried about leaving Chizuru here and leaving, the three of them could only drink until morning reminiscing of the past instead. The thought of that scene was just so heartbreaking but also beautiful. Since I do think about the little scenes of the past they shared in Kyoto. I guess this shows that although they’ve all changed and are going to go on different paths, there are still things that haven’t changed, regardless of whatever is happening, Nagakura, Harada and Heisuke would still share drinks together. The only depressing thing is that this could be the last time they can do that anymore…

When Heisuke avoided Ryunosuke (former Shinsengumi member back when Serizawa was the chief), it was so difficult to watch that Heisuke has to hide away from everything and everyone he knows and can only show himself to few people. But I guess he also hid away because he didn’t want to remind Ryunosuke of those days since Serizawa (previous chief of the Shinsengumi) would always beat him up, especially since he seemed rather satisfied with his life now. Back then, Heisuke was worried about him, but now, it seems like things have turned around, Heisuke is the one with all the worries now. Maybe in the end, things would have been much better if he left the Shinsengumi back then too… Then Heisuke would have been able to experience a normal life, he wouldn’t have to think about how unpredictable his life would be, whether he would succumb to the lost of his mind from bloodlust, whether he would continue to be a monster constantly drinking Chizuru’s blood or whether he’d just up and die tomorrow without having achieved anything… There are just so many fears oppressing him, it feels so terrible…

I can’t believe Sanan’s aim is to make a Fury kingdom and prove their worth as the strongest beings! To think he even made Sen drink his blood through a kiss when she was distracted so that he could control her because his blood has such capabilities… He wants her as the Queen of the kingdom since she’s a pure blood Demon but omg, Sanan has really been working behind the scenes, he’s already started his whole kingdom by hiding all these Furies, which are actually innocent people he killed in Edo! How dare he… How could he do something so disgusting… I’m even more disappointed in him this time around! I agree with Heisuke, he can’t be forgiven, he’s lost all his previous purposes and humanity, he’s lost everything that made him who he once was, he’s nothing but a monster living to bring chaos to humans and Demons. It’s so terrible that Heisuke had to be the one to kill all these innocent people that had been driven mad from turning into a Fury, but I guess now they can rest in peace that they’re not killing other people…. But, Sen has been captured…. Seeing Heisuke so desperate to save her but being blocked by so many Furies was just so disheartening to see….

To think that Sanan ran off and got the trust of the Sendai Domain that are all trying to band together with other people and domains to overthrow the Empire of Japan… It’s true that since the Shinsengumi is under the Aizu Domain now, they can’t so blatantly go to Sendai, but since Heisuke is supposed to be “dead”, he can go and deal with Sanan. It’s true and it’s cruel that Heisuke has to be the one to deal with this alone but there’s no other choice and I’m sure Heisuke doesn’t want to leave Sanan like that as well. Sometimes, you’ve gotta slap your love interest to show him how much you care🤣 Chizuru’s right though, he’s not a monster and she will not abandon him. It’s kinda cool to see Heisuke, Kazama and Kimigiku ally together to destroy the Furies and save Sen. Their motivations may be different but the goals and results they want are pretty much the same, so I thought it’d be cool if Kazama joined them, but to see it really happening is nice. Seeing Heisuke mature, grow and acknowledge his weaknesses and the detriments of their situation was really, I don’t want to say nice but he’s really grown, even though he laments the situation, he also acknowledges that he needs to handle it and will do so, he’s very strong, that’s for sure. It was pretty funny when Kazama and Heisuke started arguing like little kids hahaha.

I feel like the thing I love about Heisuke’s route is that it has a great balance between story and romance. You can really feel the love between Chizuru and Heisuke and you can really see how precious they are to the other and how well they support each other, and the story is engaging as well! I mean, going to defeat evil Sanan is very interesting! I’m sure Kimigiku wouldn’t mind sacrificing her life to save Chizuru and Sen since Chizuru was Sen’s first true friend and so she would never want the mind controlled Sen to do such a thing. At least Sen woke up from that I guess, and she won’t necessarily die since she’s a Demon! But yeah, when Heisuke successfully killed Sanan, it was impossible to feel happy. In the end, Sanan was a comrade, he was a friend and whether they’ve gone down the wrong path or not, that fact will never change, so seeing it have to end like this is just so difficult to stomach. It’s so touching that because Chizuru was there, Heisuke could realise that there’s so much more to life than to dedicate it to the sword and to fight, he’s got a second chance at life, so no reason to give it up like that again! It was sad to see even Heisuke leave Hijikata and the Shinsengumi but I do want Heisuke to enjoy a better life no matter what, so I guess my feelings are similar to Hijikata’s. Sad but happy for them.

As usual, the bad endings are pretty meh, besides the unrequited love one where the love interest dies. I mean, seeing Kazama step out alone acknowledging Heisuke as a warrior but only to tell Chizuru that he had turned into ashes after exerting everything was just too cruel….

Overall, I loved Heisuke’s route. I loved it so much because I love how supportive Chizuru was to Heisuke throughout all the pain whether it be physical or emotional. They both tried their best together, talked to each other and communicated their love for each other. It was pretty depressing since Heisuke always feels like he’ll break apart, but with Chizuru there, it gave him hope and made their life a bit more happier haha. I think their relationship was portrayed really well and Heisuke is such a great guy. Initially very happy and optimistic turned serious and carrying burdens out of his control, but nevertheless he is who he is and I loved every bit of his route. I can see why so many people love Chizuru with Heisuke haha.

[diaryofasupergroupie]

Banana Kinks

Read my groupie sex stories and how I got into the scene. Ask questions of how to get into the groupie scene here!

I have tons of backstage experiences. The problem is when you are stuck in one city they follow the same routine. Go backstage, have drinks, party, watch the gig from side stage, more partying and go home until the next band are in town. Did I hook up? It depends on my mood. When you get access all areas you get a tiny piece of the men who make the music your soul craves. When you get invited on tour you get all of them even if it’s only for a little while. In Spring 2017 the old groupies had all grown up. In the groupie scene now bands tend to come back to the same girls. Some of my favourites were due back for a tour. I had known the band since 2009 when I first got into the scene – to find out how read my first posts. This band hold a space close to my heart. Without them would I be a groupie? Probably, but they like to say they got me into it. D was the man who took my soul and dipped it in the groupie font filled with sex, drugs and rock’n’roll. Now he was without a UK girl.

Before I continue you may need some context. There are millions of girls in the UK so why should this matter to me? There is a very big line in the sand between a band whore, hook up and groupie. A hook up I defined as a random girl who has hooked up with her man for one right or maybe more. Sometimes her number will be saved but probably not. She was a onetime thing. Whereas a band whore is a hook up that has done the background work. She hooks up purely because the music drew her in, he’s attractive and he’s in a band. She’ll usually be kept on his phone with her name and city prepped and primed for a hook up the next time he is in town. I blame the ‘we can’t be fans of the band if we sleep with them’ mentality on the band whores. Groupies are an entirely different breed. They love the band, the ones who make it up and the music. Groupies are fans and put the passion in the scene. They’re with the band or they follow the band. The latter I’ve never done, probably because I can’t drive. There are plenty of hook-ups and band whores waiting in the wings and ready to offer themselves for the cause. But groupies are different and a good groupie who doesn’t brag on twitter is worth their weight in gold.

My groupie friend C had become my real life friend too. She had her favourites, thankfully we’ve never shared one. She had her eyes on the bass player and needed backup. I had spoken to D and at this point in his career he was very charming and smooth. He was very good at making you feel important and like you were the only girl that mattered. He called me the night before his gig. “K, I want you out on the road with me.” Me? “I need a UK girl and I want you.” Oh. My. God. UK girl. Not girl in general, but I was going to take what I could get. There will be someone calling me stupid. But in the scene this is a perfectly reasonable thing to ask of someone. Besides, I had known D for going on a decade. He made me feel things I forgot I was capable of feeling.

The next day I went to London with C. The band had passed the awkward van stage. They had well and truly blew up. My first tour experience was going to be with a band with a million followers, a fan base that was more dangerous than the SAS and headlining arenas under their belt. The beauty of this is the blend of rock’n’roll and luxury. You can be a rebel and a groupie daydream while travelling in tour buses and staying in hotels. When we arrived I was about to learn a very important lesson. Boys will think they are the ones in charge and mostly they are. The boys are the ones allowing you entry, booking your hotels and paying for your plane tickets. Don’t get me wrong, I love the scene. I have never been taken advantage of. But if I would have given people the opportunity then I definitely would be a horror story. I walked inside the hotel room and saw my lovely D. Sometimes when you see what could be so close you convince yourself that what you’re seeing is a rose when in reality it is a weed. I had known the band for so long. The rest were in another room of the suite so I went to join my wonderful D. He was sat at by the bed nursing a cup of something that smelled God awful. I looked at him and when I saw him down the remains of his cup I knew exactly how drunk he was. When he was drunk he didn’t hide it well. I was drawing at straws and touched his shoulder gently. He looked up like I had burnt him. Then he looked at me with such an innocence that I melted inside. I had seen him do such naughty things but now he reminded me of a child. K, you do care about me, don’t you, he whispered. I smiled and nodded, yes, of course I did. D nodded to himself and came to kiss me. The alcohol on this lips burnt me outside in until I was starting to get drunk off of him. D urged me forwards and pulled me close to him with his arms wrapped around my waist. “K, will you do something for me? I’m drunk but I need you to do the thing that’s in my head right now.” I would have done anything for him in that moment. “I want to get you off.” Music to my ears. This was what everyone wanted – a talented musician on a sold out tour with his arms wrapped around me like I was precious offering to get me off. I was swooning. He pushed me off of him and I sat down next to him. His hand brushed past my breasts, stomach and made its way down into my jeans. My eyes fluttered closed and his lips found my neck. He sucked my skin leaving little marks to let everyone know I was with him. “I want to get you off with this.” My eyes opened and I pulled back until his hand backtracked. I have tried to write this part several times but each one comes off sounding trashy. I can make a lot of things sound pretty but this isn’t one of them. This is a request I had never been asked before and never have been asked since. In his hand he held an almost ripe banana. I looked between the banana and him and the horror I felt wasn’t going away. I have given so much of myself to the scene but this was something even I was going to draw the line at.

If you can see your goal in sight but have to sacrifice your self-respect to achieve it then it isn’t worth it. There may be girls out there who love being penetrated with a banana, but I am not one of them. I’m not here to kink shame, each to their own I suppose. A month later I heard he asked one of the younger girls in the scene called M and she said yes. There’s more of her coming so remember her name. But as a groupie you have every right to say no. As much as it pained me I pushed D away and got to my feet. I grabbed my bag and stormed out of the hotel room leaving C behind – a groupie no no. Her boy was much nicer though. I sat angrily waiting for my taxi in the hotel bar where I met a handsome civilian which was an entirely different disaster in itself. When you love the music as much as I do though civilian romances don’t tend to last too long.