#I want to play dnd so freaking bad

[chaoticallyfluffy]

Okay so I posted this in the Captain Marvel Fan Club Community earlier:

And I just can’t get it out of my head!! So I’m writing some more about how the game would hypothetically work!

The gods gifts would probably have to be slightly modified to line up with the games ability scores, and each character (up to six) can be blessed with one attribute being much higher than the others, sort to like how the siblings in the movie each specialize in one power! If there were only three players, each could get two!

Solomon gives the gift of Wisdom

Hercules gives the gift of Strength

Atlas gives the gift of Constitution

Murcury gives the gift of Dexterity

Achilles gives the gift of Intellegence

Zeus gives the gift of Charisma

I think everyone’s gift fits pretty well surprisingly! Both Achilles and Atlas were super compatable with constitution, but Achilles was an intelligent man and Atlas… not so much. Maybe Achilles can also give you a health boost or something, idk.

The god who blessed you would likely speak to you occasionally to give you tips, inspiration, advantage, or blessings.

You will be infused with magic straight from the Rock so you aren’t strictly limited to classes related to a god like a paladin Is, (but it would be pretty cool to have a Champion be a paladin ngl.)

You can study how to use your magic with the grimoires in the library and become a wizard, pledge your allegiance to your diety (or a different one? Ooh drama!) and become a sorcerer or paladin, or even abandon your magic all together and use your empowered form to punch your enemies as a fighter! There’s so many paths you can choose!

I don’t know much about the lore unfortunately but It would be pretty cool to explore different worlds whenever there is a magical issue in that universe and have to fight various creatures and villains to achieve your goals!

And at the end of the day, you can go back to Fawcett to either rest or fight the villains invading your town! Maybe even team up with other hero’s or catch the attention of the Justice league!

I already made a character sheet for Captain Marvel that I’ll never be able to use and now I wanna make character sheets for all the villains too lol. What would mr mind even be? Are there evil mind controlling caterpillars in dnd?

Anyway, I’m going to go suffer knowing this game will never exist. Bye! :,D

[videolover]

oh my god if the thing to do is like. join random online dnd campaigns. i'll just die. i don't wanna play with people i don't know... that seems like such a bad way to do it..

[katamarei]

I'm so paranoid that I'll clench my jaw too hard and accidentally remove/crack/etc my temporary filling for absolutely no reason. it literally can't happen it's sunk in pretty well, I've pulled my lip back and my top tooth barely even touches it like girl. relax.

idk why I'm like this!! it's not even the actual dental work that bothers me it's just all the taking care of it after where I'm just AAAA it feels like so much can go wrong!!

[kingdomvel]

Steddie | 2.3k | first part

“Okay, what was that?” Gareth asks the moment they are inside the room they are using as a dressing room for tonight.

“What was what,” Eddie answers.

“You know damn well what I mean.”

Eddie doesn’t answer, putting his best poker face on.

“That weird mating ritual you have been performing with the boy in the front row the whole night, maybe?” Jeff adds.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” Eddie says, his voice flat as he tries to avoid the other’s gazes. He takes a towel to dab at his forehead.

“Come on, man,” Freak butts in, “you told him to stay after the concert, you have told Chrissy to get them here. We said we were not going to be that kind of band, that we were going to be like My Chemical Romance: no groupies and after concert dnd sessions.”

“Yeah, if you go with that guy what happens to our dnd session.”

“We can play dnd any other day, okay?” Eddie snaps, his hands stretched in front of him. A part of him thinks he looks like that meme of Chris Pratt in front of the dinosaurs, the other part of him detests that he thought of him. “I will make it up to you.”

“Who are you and what have you done to our DM?” Freak asks, his voice serious.

“Yeah, what is this talk about postponing dnd for some boy?” Gareth adds, there is something in his tone Eddie doesn’t like.

“Some boy? Some boy? Am I the only one with eyes in this fucking band? He is the hottest person that has laid eyes on me and I’m not letting you fuckers take that opportunity from me for one session of dnd or I swear to God I am killing every one of your characters.”

The boys don’t answer, they look at him with wide eyes and raised eyebrows.

“Wow” a voice says from behind Eddie.

He doesn’t recognize the voice but the expressions on the rest of the band in front of him make him freeze. They go from slightly annoyed to wary and to bemused. Mainly a mix of all at the same time.

The sounds of steps approaching them break the silence that had fallen in the room, before a voice finishes breaking it.

“How does dnd work with you nerds anyway, are you all bards or what?”

The boys drop their mouths open. Eddie still doesn’t recognize the voice, but there is only one person it can belong to. He sounds just as good as he had imagined. Eddie is honestly afraid of turning around after what the boy- Steve- has surely heard.

“Don’t pay attention to him,” a woman’s voice says. There’s the sound of a hit and a quiet ‘ow’ from Steve under it. “He is just trying to sound all confident after whining-“

“Robin.”

“Telling me to not get my hopes up because he probably wasn’t anyone important and you just did this every concert-“

“Robin.”

“But of course he is the luckiest bitch in this planet and has his instant crush reciprocated and-“

“Enough!”

There are some muffled noises that Eddie can only guess are the girl trying to continue speaking. He wishes she wouldn’t stop. His knight in shining armour may be embarrassed, but the rant has put a smile on Eddie’s face, has given him confidence again. He crosses his legs and turns around slowly, his hands coming up beside him.

“By all means, let her continue.”

The adonis, the hottest man that has laid eyes on him, his knight in shining armour, Steve takes his hand away from the girl’s mouth and rubs it on his jeans. Eddie can only guess the girl has licked it. God he wants to be her so bad right now.

“Hey,” Steve says, his hand coming up for a small wave. “Sorry about Robin.”

“No need for that. I’m Eddie.”

“I know,” Steve answers with a cocky smile as he crosses his arms.

“Oh and now you are acting all full of yourself as if you didn’t ask for the name of the band like 20 times 2 hours ago.” Robin says.

“Will you please just shut the fuck up?” Steve asks with the confidence only a best friend can have.  

“Not a fan then?” Eddie asks amused.

“Not really my scene,” Steve answers. There is a scoff behind Eddie, and if he wasn’t so lost in Steve’s brown eyes, he may have moved to swat whoever it was. “But I sure am a fan now.”

There is now a groan behind Eddie, but he can only focus on the way his heart jumps at the words, the way Steve’s mouth lifts in one side in a smirk, how his eyes spark.  

“I can get you front row tickets to all the gigs, baby.”

There’s a gagging noise being Eddie, and this time he does turn around to swat at Gareth. The little shit just laughs at him.

When he turns back towards Steve he is looking between them with a smile on his lips and he looks- damn- he’s been looking beautiful since he saw him at the beginning of the concert that night, but now his hair is a mess from the almost two hours of sweating and moving around and Eddie’s on stage confidence is slowly being replaced by his fast beating heart.

“Look man I-“ Steve starts, “I don’t want to be a problem,” he adds, glancing behind Eddie as he bites his lip. The girl next to him- Robin- turns to him with an incredulous look on her eyes that Eddie is sure mirrors his own. “But you are hot, I want to take you on a date, and the others wanted to meet you.”

Robin rolls her eyes and looks at Eddie with an eyebrow up.

“The others?” Eddie manages to say, just before he remembers the teenagers around Steve all night.

“Yeah, they are with Chrissy, I asked them to give us five minutes before coming.”

Eddie is about to say something, maybe ask about the date Steve mentioned, but in a second the door is filled with said teenagers, the one with the curly hair in the middle of it.

“YOU GUYS ARE LEGENDS!” he exclaims. It makes Eddie less annoyed about being interrupted. No one has really called them legends before, they have just surpassed 150k listeners in Spotify.

It feels good hearing it.

The dressing room fills with chatter fast, the boys and the teenagers getting along without problem. They take photos, talk about music, about their instruments, about their dnd tradition. The bad part of it all is that Eddie gets separated from Steve. He catches his eye at some point and Steve sends a little wave his way that he answers. He is talking with Robin and Chrissy and, by what Eddie can hear, Chrissy is getting every video Robin has managed to get of Eddie’s and Steve’s interactions through the concert, even a closer video of the kiss than the one Chrissy managed to get. From what he can hear, she wants to post everything on their social media before ‘someone else does and steals the chance at going viral from them’.

Eddie doesn’t know how he feels about posting Steve like that, Eddie should have probably thought, about that before making out with the guy in front of all their audience. But he seems completely comfortable with all of it. Eddie guesses that comes with being as hot as Steve is and knowing it.

It’s some time later, enough that Eddie knows they won’t be able to stay much longer in the venue, that he finally has a chance to slip away. It’s perfect, he has just seen Steve leave the dressing room, probably in search of the toilet, and Gareth and the curly hair boy he has learned is called Dustin are so deep in conversation they don’t notice him stepping away from them and leaving too.

He catches Steve just as he is leaving the toilet. Eddie doesn’t stop to answer Steve’s surprised ‘oh, hey’ that turns into a more surprised ‘woah’ as Eddie pushes him back into the toilet and closes the door behind him.

“Hey” Eddie finally greets. Steve only looks at the closed door behind Eddie and then at him again with what Eddie hopes is amusement. God, he really hopes it’s amusement, he is just not realising how creepy this looks. “So, about that date.”

“Couldn’t wait until I came back?”

“No. I mean, yes.” Why is it so difficult to talk with a pretty boy? Eddie takes a deep breath, composes himself. Theatrics, he is good with those, they make him confident. “I was suffering, being deprived from your company by your companions, and didn’t have another option.”

Steve squints his eyes, “so you decided to have the date in the toilet?”

“What? No.”

Steve takes a step closer to Eddie so now their chests are almost touching. It hadn’t downed on Eddie before how they are almost the same height. It feels very important now when he has Steve’s face right in front of him, when he can look directly at his eyes, at how they drift down to Eddie’s lips. When his inevitably drift to Steve’s lips, the boy is biting his lower lip. “Eager.”

Eddie’s breath hitches in his throat, he may have miscalculated this. There’s something he wanted to say. “No, I-“

Steve chuckles, takes a step back. “Relax dude. I know you haven’t really agreed to the date yet, we got interrupted and all that.” Eddie is about to speak, to agree a thousand times to the date, but Steve keeps talking. “You just offered to buy me a couple of drinks and called me hot,” he smiles when he says that.

“I want the date.” Eddie says before Steve can keep talking, “as soon as possible.”

Steve steps back closer. “Eager.”

“We are leaving on tour, won’t be back for three months.” Eddie explains before all his brain functions completely shut down.

“I can wait three months.”

“I can’t.”

The next second Steve’s lips are on his, his hands are on his hair, and it only takes a second for Eddie’s to do the same. Steve is even a better kisser than he was in front of the audience. Steve pushes him against the door, brings a hand to his hip, pushes one of his legs between Eddie’s. Eddie just groans and lets himself be pushed and moved. Kissed. “Fuck,” he whispers when Steve pulls away for breath. Steve smiles, takes one of Eddie’s hands in his, and kisses him again. It’s so sweet and filthy at the same time Eddie might cry, but he just moves his hips forward, and Steve answers in kind, grinding against him and getting a groan out of both of them. Maybe the rockstars that hook up with people after concerts are onto something. Though Eddie doubts he would want to do this with someone that is not Steve.

A knock on the door startles them both, Robin’s voice coming from the other side.

“Steve?” Steve and Eddie stop kissing to look at each other in silence, their eyes wide. “Chrissy said we need to leave already and you’ve been in there so long I started to worry you were kidnapped. Wait, you are in there, right? Also, have you seen Eddie? He disappeared.” Steve moves, an innocent thing that has his groin brushing against Eddie’s. And he is only a man. He moans. “WAIT! Are you both in there? GROSS.”

Steve snorts, making Eddie smile. They can hear a couple of steps moving away from the door before they come back and there is a bang on the door.

“Steve! Come out you dingus, have you forgotten about your pack of kids?”

Steve lets out a whispered ‘fuck’ before he looks at Eddie with an apology in his eyes. Eddie lets himself be moved away from the door so Steve can open it to talk to his friend outside.

“Hey.”

Eddie opens the door more so he can also fit in the gap, Steve sends him a look, smiles at his appearance, and then looks at Robin again.

“Hey” Eddie greets too. Robin is looking at them and there is no hiding what they have been doing. She can surely see their bruised lips, their wild hair. Eddie just prays she doesn’t look down and sees the bulge in his pants.

“You two are gross, was making me see that once tonight not enough?”

“You have not really seen it this time,” Steve points.

“Still.”

“You are the one that came to interrupt.”

“And for a good reason! Your kids.”

“What about the kids,” Eddie asks.

“He promised to take them home.” Robin says.

“I promised to take them home.” Steve says at the same time, a resigned tone in his voice. He turns to Eddie, his brown eyes sad, and pinches his nose.

“Can’t she take them home?” Eddie points to Robin, and they both turn towards her again.

Robin takes a breath, stops, looks at them, looks at them, sees the tent in Eddie’s pants. Grimaces.

“FINE,” she agrees, and Eddie grins. “But you owe me. Big time.” She adds pointing at Steve.

“I’ll give you ice cream for life.” Steve says. It must be an inside joke because it makes Robin roll her eyes.

“Give me your car keys at least. Rockstar here can drive you home, can’t he?”

“I’ll have him home before eleven.” Eddie swears with a hand on his chest. The other two stare at him in silence. “A.m.” he adds.

“You heard him.” Steve says while handing Robin his keys.

“Okay,” Robin answers. She takes a step back. “Have fun.” She takes a couple of steps away before she turns around. “Use protection, he is a rockstar, we don’t know where his thing has been.”

“Hey,” Eddie protests, but Robin is already running away.

“She is kinda right.” Steve says with a shrug. Eddie purses his lips. “But I have an idea on where it can be in the near future.”

“Lead the way.”

Steve slips his hand into Eddie’s.

[fungusgnat444]

Random König headcanons

SFW and NSFW also (don’t worry if you just want SFW everything is labeled), mentions of anxiety/poor self worth, autistic coded König, nerd könig, angst if you squint, mentions of size difference, mentions of a gun kink(nothing too fucked up I promise), könig wears a buttplug lol, Slight breeding kink, mentions of creampie, assumed unprotected sex (wrap it up tho fr), König being a lil freak in general honestly, kinda sub König in some parts but also some dom, afab femme reader, descriptions of anatomy(mostly him but a little about reader too),reader works with könig, I think that’s it

Real name: Jacob Schröder

Age:26 (born September 30th because I said so)

home town: Badgastein (it’s so pretty and snowy☺️)

appearance: 6”10, deep auburn curly hair, very pale with freckles, large, aquailine nose, super thick eyelashes and eyebrows, blue/green eyes (like mostly blue but with a little green)

SFW

Although he love physical touch his favourite love language is quality time and I can not be convinced otherwise. At first you thought it was a little creepy how he would just silently sit with you basically doing nothing but he genuinely likes just spending time with you. Sees you alone in the mess hall? Even if he’s already eaten he’ll just sit and watch you eat in silence. Reading a book? He’ll sit you in his lap and read over your shoulder (secretly thinks most of the books you read are garbage but he doesn’t really care). He honestly just likes that you’re there, you don’t even have to do anything lol. Likes physical affection too but in a more subtle way usually. Sometimes cuddling and making out or whatever overwhelms him and makes him feel claustrophobic. Most of the time he just likes holding your hand or having his hand resting on your thigh or playing with your hair while you have your head in his lap. Loves it when you play with his hair too, usually puts him to sleep.

speaking of which this man can and will sleep anywhere. On days he’s not working he’ll probably have to have at least one nap or he’ll get all grumpy. As much as you feel bad for him when he’s tired you have to admit he always looks so cute. All puffy eyed and pouty. Often forces you to nap with him even if you tell him you’re not tired. If you just wait for him to fall asleep and try to leave he’s immediately awake and holding you so tight you almost feel like you’ll pass out. He could sleep through an air raid but if you try to leave he’s on high alert. Also I fear because he’s broken his nose so many times, this man’s snoring will make your house shake.

I can’t explain why but I feel like he’s a massive nerd. Like has a protective glass case filled with warhammer 40k figurines, probably spent his entire live savings on a pc, camps out at stores when a new game is getting released, rants at you about the Halo lore type of nerd. also he’s definitely forced you to watch Star Trek and hates that the next generation is your favourites. Is definitely a dungeon master So if you show even the slightest interest in dnd our boy is stuttering, blushing, trying to get you to join his dnd group. Bitte schatz, I came up with a whole new campaign just for you🥺 you’ll like it I swear.

Although it might be a little toxic I definitely think he can be overly protective/possessive of you. Honestly you kind of like it but you know he only acts this way because he’s insecure. Making you sit in his lap when he has friends over so they know not to look at you to much, making you wear his jacket if you get too much attention in public and glaring at any man who walks past. You always know he’s feeling jealous when his pupils are like pin pricks and he’s breathing like a bull with his fists clenched. He’s gotten into fights a few times so you usually have to calm him down. He’s always super embarrassed and apologetic after. Buying you some expensive pretty thing so you don’t hate him. Even if you don’t care or kinda like it he always feels guilty. He feels guilty a lot in general with you. That such a pretty sweet girl is stuck with him. As such he doesn’t take compliments very well. Usually clenching his jaw and furrowing his thick brows while he mutters something passive aggressive to himself, “Scheiß lügner…”. Although if you keep saying the compliment and giving him attention he’ll eventually start believing you. Blushing and struggling to look at you.

Probably takes him quite a while to feel comfortable showing you his full face or even telling you his real name. Even once you’ve already seen it sometimes he still hides his face on days he’s feeling particularly insecure. Once before you’d seen his face you asked one of his friends, horangi, about it. He said they’d known each other almost a decade and he’d only seen his face a few times, most of which were accidental. König had a pretty miserable time as a teenager. He only really bulked out when he was about 17, right before he joined the military. Believe it or not he was pretty scrawny for most of his life. Once he said he used to be built like a lamppost. Before the military he was generally quite quiet and timid. He still is almost always very quiet. This in combination with his more nerdy interests and the fact that talking to a pretty girl for too long gave him a nosebleed made him a pretty easy target for bullies. He was always shy about his appearance but in the early days of his military career his self esteem plummeted when he got a face full of shrapnel during a mission. Luckily they got him to a medic fast but there’s only so much they could do. He hates the scars. Hates the attention. You’re the only person who’s ever made him feel better about it. Kissing every scar, cooing at him while he cries into your chest after another shitty day. Tell him you’re proud of him and how handsome he is. Even if he doesn’t believe it, he at least feels better knowing you believe it at least.

NSFW

He has barely any experience but he fucks with such desperation that it never ceases to make your legs shake. Loves folding you into whatever position he wants and just spearing you like a fish in a barrel, unable to move or escape. Can get a little too rough sometimes when he’s lost in the moment but the moment he sees any form of discomfort from you he whispering soft apologies in your ear and slowing his pace till he’s balls deep just gently grinding against you while he kisses away your tears. As much as he loves treating you like a rag doll. Deep down all he wants is to satisfy you. Sometimes he won’t even fuck you he’ll just eat you out for a few hours like he’s digging for gold. Love tasting you more than anything else. Especially when you’re overstimulated and clutching his empty head between your soft thighs like you’re trying to crush him.

this man is hung like a god. It’s almost too big. Every time it’s a struggle for you to take it all. The struggle only makes it hotter for him. Loves it when you look up at him all teary eyed, pouting because you’re disappointed you can’t fit anymore in. He loves making a mess of you and he’s so fucking good at it. But he’s just as much a mess for you too. Whimpering and panting like a dog with your hands around his neck. Begging you to let him fill you up with yet another load.

I feel like he probably has a few kinks that are a little obscure. Like he loves eating you out through a pair of tights, hearing them rip loudly in his tight grip right before he impales you. Wearing a buttplug while he’s fucking you makes his brain turn to sawdust. Sloppily plunging into you in doggy and drooling on your sweaty back from above. Letting you ride him, telling him he’s not allowed to move while you hold the barrel of one of his handguns against his forehead or stuffed in his mouth (it’s unloaded of course, he’s not actually insane). If you surprise him by pulling the trigger, that little clicking noise will have him gasping shakily and his eyes rolling back. The noises he makes are absolutely whorish. So desperate and loud and involuntary.

he loves aftercare both giving and receiving. After sex he’s just as fragile as you are. Usually shaking and panting for a good while as he peppers you in thousands of kisses. Loves having a bath with you after. You laying on his chest while he washes your hair for you. Always asks you if he did a good job. He’s like a puppy after he’ll do anything you ask.

German translations: “bitte schatz” please sweetheart. “Scheiß Lügner” fucking liar

[remuslupingf]

Dustin, whose your friend?

E.M

Eddie Munson x shy!reader

word count: 2.2k

warnings: fluff, shy reader, anxious reader, nice eddie, clueless reader

Part II

You hadn’t been living in Hawkins long. Long enough for people to know to keep their distance. You were a shy person with only one friend in hawkins. Dustin henderson. The curly headed kid was nice and the only person who had welcomed you to Hawkins high. Despite being a freshman, he wasn’t scared to approach the new senior.

Dustin swore up and down that his friends in the hellfire club had been dying to meet you. He's been trying to convince you for months to sit with them at lunch and befriend some of the club. You’d told him excuse after excuse as to why you can’t sit with them. well. today he wasn’t having it.

“Hi guys! this is my friend i’ve been talking about! the one I always try to convince to eat with us.” Dustin says while dragging your arm, forcing you to sit beside him.

“Hi.” you say meekly while making eye contact with the club members around the table. Your eyes land on the boy at the head of the table. Eddie Munson. You quickly look down at your tray of food. His stare makes you nervous.

Eddie smiles to himself before saying “it’s nice to meet you, friend of Dustin.” The group laughs, the awkwardness fading.

The club goes back to making conversation like they were before you’d sat down. But Eddie kept sneaking glances at you. He's heard of you, the “new freak” as Jason liked to call you. If Jason didn’t like you, Eddie knew you were someone he wanted to know.

»»————-　★　————-««

He’d never approached you because you’d always seemed so upset at school. Like you wanted to be anywhere else. One time Eddie had seen you at the grocery store with your mother and little brother. You had the biggest smile on your face as you and your brother picked out some candy for your movie night. He saw your mother looking at her children with so much love.

Eddie knew then that you were someone he desperately wanted to be friends with. Just because you're shy doesn't mean you don't deserve to have any friends! Hey, he didn’t have any friends until 11th grade when he met Garrett.

Eddie thought you were devastatingly beautiful, you had hair that rivaled his and eyes that were deep and light at the same time, like you saw and knew everything the world had to offer. He wanted to sit and stare at you and call you sweet things so you’d blush and smile at him. He wanted to be friends. Yes, anything with you was good as long as he could speak to you.

»»————-　★　————-««

Throughout lunch the club had been asking you questions about yourself, where you had moved from, have you ever played dnd, and things like that. You were so shy you kept your eyes on your food. You felt bad but you were outside of your comfort zone.

After lunch, you were dumping your tray in the trash when you felt someone behind you. You quickly move out of the way, set your tray down and walk to your locker to get your books for your next class.

“Hey! Wait up!" Eddie calls as he catches up to you.

You turn, shocked that he had wanted to talk to you. Did you do something wrong? Did he not want you to sit with them again? Does he feel like you're stealing Dustin from him? All these thoughts went through your anxious mind while he caught up to where you were standing.

“Hey, I just wanted to check that you were feeling okay? Did we make you uncomfortable? I'll yell at the guys if they did anything." Eddie says to you, bending, trying to catch your shy gaze.

"Oh… no, they didn’t say anything. I'm just a shy person. I'm sorry if I made it uncomfortable. I won't sit with you guys again.” you mumble, turning around to walk away.

“Wait a second,” Eddie says while reaching out for your arm. “You didn’t do anything, I swear. I just wanted to be the one to invite you back to sit with us tomorrow! but only if you want to! You don’t have to be friends with us just because Dustin is. we’d love to have you! no pressure though.” he says to you in a sweet, soft tone as to not make you scared of him. He knows he can be too much and freak people out.

You just stand there and gape at him. He's kidding right? you didn’t even contribute to the conversation! Maybe he really is in a cult and trying to recruit people. even if that person is a weird girl who has no friends and sits alone. why would he want her to join his cult-

“You can say no.” Eddie cut off your train of thought. “I won't be offended, I promise.” Eddie says, nervous that your silence means you’re scared of him.

“Um… sure. I'll see you tomorrow eddie.” you say, giving him a small smile and walking away. Why is your heart beating so fast? It has to be because you’ve never had a conversation with a boy other than Dustin, for longer than a minute. you were just nervous right? you hope that’s why you’re out of breath.

»»————-　★　————-««

“Baby! Dustin’s on the phone for you!” Your mother shouts up the stairs. You hop off your bed, wearing your comfy pajama pants that you had to cuff so they fit properly, and your chunky cardigan. You race downstairs and take the phone from your mother.

“Hey Dusty what’s up?” you ask, leaning against the wall while your eyes drift to what your moms making for dinner.

“Hey! i just wanted to tell you that you’re officially invited to sit with us at lunch until the end of time.” he says in a dramatic voice.

You huff out a laugh, “thanks, but Eddie already personally invited me.” you brag. only Dustin can bring out the smugness in you

“Okay Mrs. Popular! had no idea that he would do that, especially with how he can’t shut up about you.” Dustin says in a sing-song voice.

“WHAT.” you shout into the phone, making your mother drop the knife she was chopping onions with. “sorry.” you mumble to her, turning your attention back to dustin.

“Yeah, he won’t shut up about how pretty your hair was today or something. He wants to know what shampoo you use by the way, but says he can’t get as much volume as yours has.” Dustin laughs.

You’re mortified, he was looking at you? Noticing you? Talking about you? What was in the air today?

“What else has he been saying?” you speak into the phone, whispering so your mom doesn’t hear. she hears anyway, trying desperately to hear what your friend on the other end of the phone was saying.

“He said something about your perfume, I don't know. He was mostly rambling. I didn't catch much.” Dustin admits.

What the hell could Eddie Munson be thinking about you? thinking about you so much after one day of knowing him? You try to slow your heartbeat but you know the blush on your face is giving you away. You’d better go before you get so flustered that you wish for the ground to open up and swallow you.

“Sorry dusty I gotta go finish my english essay, i’ll see you tomorrow okay?” you tell him.

“Yeah! sure no problem! see you tomorrow!” he says and hangs up. You take a second to hook the phone on the wall, thinking about the conversation you just had. This is definitely too good to be true. right?

“So,” your mom says, smirking. “Who was that?”

“Oh! no one! just my friend dustin. I sat with him and his friends at lunch today.

“And, how’d it go?” Your mom asks, curiously. She knows you don’t have many friends, and how hard it is for you to open up.

“It went okay, they asked me if I'd like to sit with them again tomorrow. I think I'll say yes.” you smile sheepishly.

“That's great honey! I'm so happy for you! you’ll have to tell me all about it. And this mystery boy.” she laughs, seeing how red your face went.

“I gotta go finish my homework.” you say before racing back to your room. What the hell was going on today? You sit on your bed, looking in the mirror across your room. “Hopefully tomorrow I won't embarrass myself,” you say outloud to yourself.

»»————-　★　————-««

You did. You embarrassed the shit out of yourself. First, you tripped over your own feet when you saw Eddie walking to his locker this morning. Then you walked into the wall when he caught your eye in the hallway between classes. And to top it all off, you choked on your sandwich when he sent a wink your way after making a joke at Dustin’s expense. 

You had made a fool out of yourself and you hadn't even known him for 48 hours. You shared history class with him, and today when he walked in, he stood there glaring at your desk partner until they got the message and moved seats. He sat down  beside you with a grin on his face. 

“Good morning. How'd you sleep? Dream of me?” He asked with a cocky smirk that had you squeezing your thighs together.

“F-fine.” You stammered, nervous under his gaze. You were seriously starting to wonder if this was a prank. Why would he ask if you've dreamt about him? I mean you had but why would he want you to?

The period passed slowly, with him whispering jokes in your ear, doodling on your hand, and unashamedly flirting with you. Your face was beet red at the end of the hour and your palm hurt from how hard your nails had been biting into the flesh there. He knew he made you nervous. He had some kind of power over you. You were immune to his words and his honey sweet voice whispering in your ear. You needed today to be over.

»»————-　★　————-««

When the final bell had rang, you were at your locker packing up your things. Tring to remember which subjects you had homework for, so you can bring the right books home. You're putting your biology textbook in your bag when you feel a tap on your shoulder. 

Assuming it's Dustin, you say “Not today Dusty. I've had a stressful day, maybe this weekend we can work on it.”

“Work on what?” A voice who is not Dustin replies. You whirl around, coming face to face with Eddie. Just who she wanted to get away from.

“Oh! Um, me and Dustin have been working on an idea he had for a new dnd character. I was just helping him with the name and stuff.” You mumble, scuffing the toe of your boot on the linoleum floor. 

“That's cool! Hey, I was wondering if you wanted a ride home? I noticed that you walked home and wanted to offer my awesome driving services.” He smiles at you, with his big puppy dog eyes.

“I'm okay Eddie, but thank you.” You smile up at him, hoping he’ll start making his way to his van. What you weren't expecting was him to take your hand, and have the biggest pout you've ever seen.

“Why not? Do I make you uncomfortable? I've been flirting with you and making you blush like crazy. I don't know, maybe I'm reading things wrong but I think you like me. I know I like you.” This is the first time you've seen him nervous, like he expects to be rejected. You feel your heart seize. Maybe he wasn't sending mixed messages, you were. Of course he liked you. Any idiot could see that.

Eddie didn't make you uncomfortable at all! You were so shy that any form of attention made you nervous, no matter if you liked him or not. Of course you liked him! You'd be stupid not to.

“I'm sorry Eddie. I didn't realize that maybe I was being confusing. I do like you. It's weird. Yesterday we had never spoken, now I feel like I've known you forever. If you'll still have me, even after I've unknowingly been rejecting you all day, I'd like for you to drive me home.” you admit while smiling up at him, trying to convey what you feel with your eyes.

“Sweetheart, why didn't you just say that! Plus I like girls who play hard to get so it wasn't too bad.” He winks at you while putting his arm around your shoulders, guiding you to his van. 

He helps you up into the passenger side and jogs over to the drivers side and hops in. He smiles at you and starts the engine, pulling out of the parking lot. 

“Alright doll, before we start anything serious,” He says in a playful voice, “Why the hell did you let Henderson introduce you to dnd and not me? I'm the master babe, literally.” He wiggles his eyebrows making you laugh. 

»»————-　★　————-««

Your first date is spent at his kitchen table, him slowly explaining the rules to you while you take notes, hoping that on your second date you'll get to play with hellfire.

“I’ll go easy on you for your first campaign, but those other idiots…” He grins at you, withholding his sadistic campaign plan he has in store. 

[madxyy]

anything for munson - eddie munson x fem!reader

| summary: you try to take care of a drunk eddie munson

| warnings: smut-ish, use of y/n once, mention of drinking, eddie being a menace even when he is drunk, friends to lovers, dry humping, kissing, pet names, a little bit of steve x reader, use of she/her, a lil fluff, flirting?

a/n: help.

You told him. No, you warned him. Damn you for giving in and going with him to this stupid party that you didn’t even want to go to in the first place, but dear-old-you loved him too much. All you wanted to do was spend the saturday night in his trailer, learning how to play dnd while the bad horror movies you both picked out roared in the background, glances—that held so much more than a glance—shared across the room, him offering you weed while you declined him but thank him for offering it to you anyways, which then leads him to respond with a dramatic knife to the heart and sad puppy dog eyes that you love oh-so-much. 

But no, now you’re stuck dragging drunk Eddie to his room while one of your arms is circled around his waist and the other one holding his hand that is resting on your shoulder. 

Damn Steve for challenging him to a keg stand, steve was already 4 shots in when he stumbled in your conversation, basically headlocking him, “hey munson,” he slurred “I bet I can beat your cult-loving-freak ass to a keg stand, what’d you say?” eddie craned his neck to steve, a sly smirk slowly creeping its way onto his lips “alright pretty boy, what do I get in return?” he scoffs, “you gotta be kidding me munson, you are in MY house, drinking MY beer, eating MY snacks, lounging around in MY kitchen while also getting the chance to flirt with y/n, thanks to me if I must say, so you basically got a whole package deal” you and eddie both tensed up as a tinge of pink overtakes both your faces

“i’m not flirting harrington that’s just my natural charm” he says humorously, steve scoffs 

“yeah sure, and I have a successful love life”  

“still as charming as ever steve even when you’re drunk,” 

His eyes darted to yours–a mischievous look behind those hazel eyes–as he looked at you up and down, slowly walking up towards you “mm only for you baby” he winks “oh well...in that case, let’s take this party upstairs shall we?” giving him a sly smirk. Eddie just watches you two, jaw clenched, eyes set on the way steve is leaning towards you, hands on his chest while you bodaciously bat your eyelashes at him, the way his lips are bitten between his teeth just by looking at you. He knows you and steve always joke around like this and that nothing will ever happen but he can’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy, even though you are a free woman and can date whoever you want, he just can't help seeing you with anybody else. As soon as steve puts a hand on your waist, Eddie puts a hand on his chest, pushing him off just a little bit rough then he was meaning to, “alright harrington, let’s go” he said in a dark tone, steve gaze switches to you from eddie, blinking at him, “wait wait so just to be clear you know you are getting absolutely nothing in return, right?.”

 He glances back behind you “Damn babe, did a tornado enter my humble abode” he says while dramatically putting a hand towards himself to indicate ‘moi?.’  You pushed down the way the nickname made a blush crept onto your cheeks. “No munson, that would be you and your own drunken recklessness” he snorts. 

You let go of his hand and open his bedroom door, gently laying him on his side. You get up to get a trash can to put on the side of the bed but a hand stops you midway “where you goin’ princess?” he says looking up at you with a lopsided smile. “just going to get a trash can and a cold rag eds” he stares up at you with the most starstruck expression like he can’t believe someone wants to actually take care of him. It pains you. After beats of silence you clear your throat, he sighs “okay”. He reluctantly lets go of your hand, letting the touch of each other's hands linger “I’ll be back” you offer him a soft reassuring smile. 

After you come back and put the trash can on the side of his bed you ask him to hold the rag on his head while you undress him. As you start taking off his shoes and pants “jeez take me on a date first sweetheart” you ignore him as you continue to slide his black pants down his legs.

“Shut up munson, do you want to be sweating balls through the night?”, he gives you a pout that is just too cute, you just want to kiss it off him. 

“Exactly” 

You put the sheets over him and grab the cold rug from his limp hand “Thank god, my hand was exhausted!” you shake your head while giggling. Always one for the dramatics. “Oh no! We cannot let Eddie THE Banished hands go limp, we must save the hand doctor before it’s too late!” he gives you a look “har har har, very funny sweetheart” pride takes over you as you smirk down towards him. You realized, you never REALLY got to observe his features up close like the way his eyes crinkle when he gives you a slight smile, how his eyes are usually a dark shade of brown but right now the lamp on his nightstand is giving them a beautiful hue of caramel, the way his nose is so perfectly curve “Y’know you are very beautiful sweetheart” wait. Shaking your head to get out of your own thoughts, you nervously chuckled. “Eddie, you're drunk.” He rolls his eyes 

“No I mean it, sober and not sober,” softly cupping your cheeks, 

“you are so beautiful. Cross my heart”, you inhale sharply. 

You froze, you couldn't say anything, your mouth was opening and closing but no words were coming out. He laughs. HE LAUGHS?!?!  

“Sweet heart calm down, i’m pretty sure you get told that all the time” he said it so casually it astonished you. The only time someone has ever called you pretty was one of your family members, especially when you were little. The room all of a sudden turned silent. Oh. Oh shit. Realization quickly dawned on him as his eyes bulged out of his head while millions of thoughts raced through his head, ‘people are out of their goddamn mind for not telling you every single day how beautiful you are’, ‘what?!?! who? when? where? and most importantly why?, ’screw them all’, ’how can they not??’. He composed himself and slowly sat up “Well..” clearing his throat as he got closer to you. He looked up at you under his lashes then to your lips, god your lips. He didn’t know he was subconsciously licking his “they should.” You inhaled sharply. All of a sudden you’re aware of how close you two are “Eddie what..” he was still staring at your lips like he was in a trance and couldn’t escape no matter what you did, you even scooted back a little but that just made him scoot closer to you “Eds come o-” you were cut off by a pair of soft lips that made you gasp which to eddie, gave him access to slip his tongue in. You let out a whimper and god eddie swears it was the most beautiful noise he has ever heard. Embarrassed, you hastily disconnect your lips from his, “Eddie, oh my god i'm sorry” you both stare at each other with swollen lips and flushed cheeks “No baby, don’t apologize that was the hottest shit i’ve ever heard” he said breathlessly, before you can utter a response, his lips were on yours again, except this time more aggressive, more passionate, less gentle. 

He grabbed your hips and pulled you onto his lap. It was messy, everything about this was messy, sloppy, hands everywhere. His hand was gripping the nape of your neck while the other one was situated on your waist slowly making its way down your thigh. Your arms looped around his head. “Baby” he murmurs “you don’t know how long i've been wanting to do this” you made a sound in the back of your throat as a sign of acknowledgement and nodded. He smiled into the kiss. His thumbs were rubbing back and forth on your thighs, making you subconsciously open them up wider. You started rubbing yourself on his thigh, back and forward, back and forward, until something made you freeze. Something hard touched the side of your thigh. oh Oh? OH You looked up at him breathlessly, guilt automatically taking over-shit-as much as you wanted this to happen, it wasn’t supposed to happen like this. “Eddie holy shit. We really shouldn't have done this. I'm so sorry, i’m supposed to be taking care of you, oh my god, i'm so sorry” you say hastily. He understands, he really does but he can’t help it, you are so captivating that all he can do is smile at you with admiration “I mean…” he says dragging the ‘e.’ “technically you are taking care of me just in a…..unique way.” he smirks, this cocky son of a bitch. You rolled your eyes and giggled as you hit him on the chest “Eds i’m serious” you whispered “I want to do this the right way, when you’re sober”  he gently strokes your cheekbones “I understand sweetheart” You sigh. He connects his forehead with yours. After moments of silence “Do you want to go on a date with me?” asked in the most gentle tone you have ever heard, like the question was made of glass. He looked up at you with a hopeful expression -- like a little kid waiting in line to tell Santa what they wanted for Christmas –�� which you couldn’t say no to “Of course eds” he smiles up at you with lovesick eyes, before anything else “but we’ll talk more about this in the morning, I don’t think right now is the right time” you say giving him a gentle smile.

He exhales deeply but then nods because you’re right. He is sober for the most part but still a little bit drunk and not in the right mind space. You gently get off him and lay down beside him. Eddies turns to you 

“thanks for taking care of me” 

you smile “i’ll always take care of you munson.” 

His smile extends “goodnight sweetheart”,

you were about to say goodnight until you glanced behind his shoulder and caught the sight of something. Confusion settles in him as you turn him to face the other side of the bed “what are you doing babe” you blinked up at the set of curls facing you, “making sure you don’t choke on your own vomit munson, I put that trash can there for a reason.” The back of his head starts moving as he shakes his head “Damn baby, are you sure that’s the reason? Or Is it because you can’t handle looking at this beautiful, gorgeous, sexy face” rolling your eyes “can it munson or i’ll suffocate you in your sleep” slightly turning his head over his shoulder “I mean I have other ideas of what you can suffocate me with” you can practically hear the smirk in his voice “OH MY GOD” you say as you hit him with a pillow “eddie just go to sleep” he just keep on giggling like it was such a knee slapper. You hit on the arm, “okay okay” he says breathlessly 

“i’ll go to sleep, just for you princess” 

“good.” 

Now he’s the one that can hear the smirk in your voice and all he can do is shake his head as he turns back to the other side of the bed. After a few seconds you scoot closer to his back. Hands cautiously circling around his waist “Is this alright?” you asked softly. He chuckled “Of course” he whispers as his hands engulfs the one holding his waist. “Goodnight eddie”, smiling to himself, “goodnight sweetheart.” 

Maybe going to the party was worth it.

[urdreamgirls-dreamgirl]

Controversial take but follow up to that Steve post reblog: I also genuinely dislike the way the fandom writes abt Steve bullying Eddie in fanfiction (it’s become so ubiquitous that you kinda have to just suck it up and deal w it at this point). There’s NO canon evidence that Steve has ever bullied Eddie. Besides Jason, almost everyone basically ignores Eddie when he’s giving his antagonistic speech in the cafeteria and when Chrissy meets with him in the woods, she implies she thinks he’ll be “mean and scary” which doesn’t equate to someone who’s actively being bullied at school if people genuinely think that abt him. Yes, there’s the Satanic panic undertones from DND that he’s making fun of when he’s introduced, but we don’t really see any of that play out on screen prior to Chrissy going to the trailer (by which I mean, there’s also no evidence that Eddie’s being harassed at school outside of his antagonistic lunch rants, which we know are the norm from the way Mike and Dustin talk abt Eddie before we’re introduced to him). We see that people seem to be more irritated by him and afraid of him then actually bullying him before the events of Spring Break.

Even when Eddie and Steve have their conversation in the Upside Down, there’s absolutely no indication that they’ve ever had a bad interaction or even that Eddie has ever had an altercation with Tommy (if we consider the fact that Eddie seems to be the resident drug dealer of Hawkins High and we assume Tommy and Steve were getting high, it’s a dumb idea to fuck with your dealer). Eddie very clearly says “rich parents, popular, chicks love him, not a douche? No way, man” which indicates that he’s making an assumption based on stereotypes, not that he’s ever actually had an interpersonal interaction with Steve.

The worst thing we see Steve do on screen to Eddie is call him a freak to Dustin on the phone when Dustin is annoying him at work and asking Steve to give up a date to do something he’s never shown an interest in doing literally ever and then also not necessarily believing Eddie’s innocent/not wanting to get involved in a murder investigation until they talk to Eddie in the boat house, which. Idk. Doesn’t seem THAT bad to me when you consider the fact that a girl died in his trailer after going there with him (presumably for drugs—we know it’s drugs but Steve and co. do not, I guess… they can only assume lol) (except for saying the cops should handle it because he already knows how incompetent the Hawkins PD is but anyway).

[lil--nuggett]

Hey guys, so if you know Baldur's Gate 3 this is an AU for that with Hardenshipping but it's really fucked up. I will explain why it's fucked up below the cut.

Maxie is a High Half-Elf Warlock (his patron is Groudon), and Archie's a Human Fighter <3

Also I just realized this is the first time you have seen me draw Archie seriously lmao my bad guys I'll try to draw him again soon

I took a ton of inspiration for various things for these designs, including Guile for Archie's armor bc I love Guile sm!!

(More info and our dumb AU lore under here - No BG3 Spoilers I promise <3)

I'm going to tell you this now... this gets really fucking crazy and honest to god I know I'm going to have a hard time explaining this. It WILL be quite long and I WILL be yapping.

This AU is really just something we did on impulse and it's really fun to mess around with, so I'm hoping you all will enjoy the concept as well :)

I'll try to explain it simply as I can. I thank you in advance to all who sit here and read this ily sm if you read it all <3333

Anyways, okay so imagine how one could do a bg3 AU for these two fuckers...

And throw it right out the window because you'll never guess how me and my friend have done it.

The Backstory:

This all started when my friend decided to play BG3 for the first time, and he jokingly said to me "Should I make Maxie our main character??" and I replied "I you want, but I won't force you" and thus BG3 Maxie was created, and his misadventures began.

Now your probably wondering (if you've played the game) what about the guardian?? Who did we make the guardian?? Well, we made Archie the guardian. However, I did not know just how wild this idea would get within the next few days.

So, eventually we realized how crazy the BG3 lore actually is (it's a like fucking DnD campaign idk how we didn't realize this beforehand), and so, we jokingly started our own "AU Lore" that ties in with the BG3 Lore.

If you really want to know, I have an entire note in my notes app dedicated to keeping track of what happens. It is very long.

The Parasite:

Now, if you've played the game or know anything about it, you know about the Mindflayer parasites. Well, one fateful day, me and my friend joked that the Parasite in Maxie's head was this little freak who looks like Archie.

The two have no correlation other than looks, its completely coincidence and it's not a mimic situation. The Parasite "Archie" does nothing but talk nonsense to Maxie all the time, and initially the bit was that he only talked about Fortnite. All because I made the joke that the dream realm in game looked like a fortnite update. By now, that bit has fallen off (thank god), replaced by just general nonsense and lies.

Also he fucking looks like this:

Weird little freak. This is just one of his talk sprites I have, this is just his neutral expression.

So basically it's:

- Maxie was supposed to be on a Geology research trip, but instead he got dragged into the Parasite issue with the rest of the companions. He really just wants to get home to Archie.

I am the one who handles everything for Maxie in this AU, I do his voice, I handle his lore, etc.

- Parasite Archie is this 1 foot tall, neco arc-esque version of Archie that sits on Maxie's shoulder and tells him nonsensical things. He also says Maxie's name wrong, he says Maxie's full first name and pronounces it as "Maximilliam" instead of the "N" at the end. For Maxie it's like handling a toddler but the toddler fights back, doesn't shut up, and threatens your life. He also has a ton of his own lore that my friend continously adds on to, so I can make another post with just the parasite's part of things.

My friend handles everything with the Parasite himself, comes up with the lore, does the voice, etc. I simply keep track of it.

- The "dream visitor" version of Archie is not real either. It's linked to the Parasite in ways that if I get into it, I will spoil a good chunk of the game. Sorry. Just know you can consider this and Parasite Archie kind of as one in the same almost.

- The REAL Archie is still at home, completely unaware of what's happening, while Maxie is fighting for his life. He does miss him, though, and hopes he gets home soon. He and Maxie are only boyfriends, they haven't gotten married yet. (They also haven't been through their rivalry yet, as this all takes place before that happens.)

Sorry for the convoluted yap sesh, I just have more art planned for this stupid AU and- God I cannot possibly just post this shit with no context. Like, I'd have to explain it eventually so I might as well do it now beforehand yk 😭😭

I might do separate posts with our HCs and some silly conversations that have happened between Parasite Archie and Maxie if you guys would want that :)

Also, I do have all of the sessions from where my friend plays the game recorded and I'll be sure to post some clips of what Parasite Archie sounds like eventually, possibly with snippets of my shitty Maxie voice in there as well. You'll get to see the talk sprites in action with that, too.

[j3st3r-13]

rick and morty headcanons

summer has had to remind Beth and Jerry that’s its Morty’s birthday on more than one occasion

Diane introduced rick to wafer and that’s why they’re so important to almost every rick (and they taste banging)

beth has cheated on jerry before ( are you gonna tell me im wrong)

summer is very good at history and English (all through big trouble in little Sanchez she was carrying a history textbook)

Mortys become really good at science, he’s amazing at practicals but writing methods and equations he’s pretty lost.

summer and Morty are feared by the other kids, they other kids would kiss the ground they walk on. everyone knows that they are Rick’s grandkids and he has and will destroy the school planet if they asked. Some stay away out of fear and some try and become friends to see all ricks cool shit

summer flourishes with her newfound respect, started dating the most popular boy in school, and has a great circle of friends

Morty doesn’t like how kids try and be his friend to see rick and tries to keep away from it all

Morty spends time with his actual friends his DND friends. there are like 5-6 of them and they’re besties. ones a girl who Morty used to have a thing for but she came out and nows hes her hypeman. 

rick makes Morty DND stuff, like hologram monsters/ characters and shit. his dice are cool as hell

rick played once and found it pretty fun, (i haven’t played so I dont know any classes but if you think of any let me know!)

jerry has a bad habit of swallowing small pieces of plastic and freaking out screaming that he’s going to die. summer films it.

they have a family group chat that no one uses

Hey if you wanted any r&m headcanons or one shots then please request them and give me ideas:) I will do NSFW ;)

[kaleberryshake]

Pd Season 2 Episode 40 spoilers

-

-

Okay, listen. I know William teasing asking Vynce out in this episode was just that-- teasing-- but also, I honestly don't mind this will-they-won't-they. Personally, I love slow burns, and I honestly don't think there was any time in seasons 1-2 where they would've worked as a healthy, functioning couple. There was so much character development needed in both William and Vyncent that I would much rather wait until their relationship lines up at the right time.

We are at a point, with the turn into season 3, where William is more confident in himself and more solid. William was very fickle and freaked out by everything before, running away from every problem and never confronting them. He got easily jealous because of his insecurity, and I think this could've caused a lot of tension in their relationship. I love William, don't get me wrong, but he wouldn't have been the best boyfriend. He was constantly jealous and anxious. Also, the whole Bell Tech incident might've been much worse had they been dating because their feelings would've been much more intense. I do not want to imagine that :)

I also think Vyncent does need that time for character development that Condi is giving him in season 3. All of Vyncent's life, he has been relying on other people. While that's not a bad thing, he hasn't had much time to be independant and discover himself within the world of Prime. For example, once he got to Prime, he had all of these otherworldly DND heroes in his brain, and once they left, all of his time was dedicated to finding Ash, defeating demons, and protecting his friends. I think allowing Vyncent room for this growth is a really smart play. We've seen a lot of William's romantic feelings for Vyncent, but not much the other way, so I think that this is a great time for the exploration if they do include that.

Either way, I trust the boys to resolve it well. I love PD, and I think they play phenominally. I can't wait for the next season!

[goggles-mcgee]

Another Steddie idea brought to you by my 2 am goblin brain because it won't let me sleep.

Basically Eddie and Steve make a stupid bet, I imagine it's something dumb like who knows Dustin better and Steve gets all huffy because obviously he knows his kid better and he makes the mistake of saying "Wanna bet?"

Eddie is all for it. He is ecstatic in fact. They legit bet over what the first thing Dustin will say when he walks through the door of Steve's house since the Party is all meeting up there for a party. Steve thinks he has it in the bag. So he tells Eddie that if he loses he'll do whatever Eddie wants.

And OH.

Eddie is all for it. Eddie will fight dirty if he has to and will bribe whoever he has to to win this bet. Because what Eddie wants is for Steve to sit in for a one-shot DnD campaign. At first Steve is confused but agrees but Eddie is smirking and is just like, "Oh not just sit in Sweetheart~, You will play the roll of an NPC for me. I will have lines for you to read when I say - BUT - you don't know the character until you get there Big Boy."

And look. Steve is confident. Steve also doesn't really see how that could be THAT bad, at least he's not being made to actually play. Steve agrees on the condition that if he wins Eddie has to be the little nuggets chauffeur for a month no arguments, no haggling, no bribing them away or trying to make them ask Steve.

Steve loses.

The campaign is written and finally going to start and Steve is hosting it at his house and Eddie arrives early to set up and get Steve ready and Steve is a confusion because, "Get ready? I thought I just had to read."

"Oh no Pretty Boy~! You said whatever I want, so we're going all out. You get to play dress-up Princess."

And dammit that last pet name was not just a pet name. Eddie wrote Steve to be an NPC Princess character that the Players have to save in the one-shot. Eddie also brought Steve a freaking dress and crown to wear for the part.

It's with much bickering and pleading that Steve just accepts his fate and well, he's a man of his word and fuck this he can rock a dress fuck you Eddie.

Eddie thought it would be funny but he's screwed because Steve really can rock the dress and he looks fucking attractive and it's not fair but he can focus on that later. The players are arriving and Steve still has to find his seat.

Eddie makes him sit on his lap for the whole campaign. The players laugh at Steve's predicament and he acts all huffy but inside he is dying because he did not expect to enjoy sitting on Eddie's lap this much. Or the feel of Eddie's hand on the small of his back that would move to his waist and give a small squeeze when he had to read his stupid lines. Or the voice Eddie put on as Dungeon Master. And it's taking all his self control not to do something stupid.

Eddie is also having a hard time because he already had a big ass crush on Steve and apparently he likes making himself suffer because having Steve sit on his lap in that dress was doing things to him. And the way Steve would listen to him when to told him to say his line or move in a certain way when he said? KILLING HIM.

[dmbakura]

Would you say AA has this sense of thinking he /needs/ to be like Cazador, because that's "what works" and what's "safe"? Like this is who he has to be, and nothing else is viable? That's how I interpreted AA's masking (especially during his sex scene, it seems very insincere and more like what he thinks he needs to be than what he wants) and I can't really make it work with Neil's statements honestly.

I also think he's very much capable of cruelty but the way AA acts is something else entirely to me because it's so goofily a Stereotypical Cartoon Villain Big Bad Sexy Vampire which doesn't really come across as honest in the way, let's say, Gortash's antics seem honest from what we know of the character. Maybe I'm misinterpreting what masking means, idk. I'm definitely not saying it's not honest that he wants to do all that power-hungry shit and that he's secretly a pure tortured soul because that's a lame ass reading that contradicts canon but everything about how he carries himself is so uncanny and all those underlying themes of being really fucking afraid and unable to face what happened/running away from it don't lead me to believe he's living an authentic life, more like he's trapped inside himself.

I don't really see how this contradicts anything Neil said. He never says AA is Astarion's most authentic self at all, or even that he's healthy and confident, only that he stops masking with theatrical deflections.

You also have to account for the supernatural element here too. In dnd lore, most true vampires basically succumb to personality rot and become paranoid and obsessive scheming freaks. I know the 'vampire ascendant' is a new thing and bg3 plays with the lore a bit more but considering this is alluded to by Astarion AND Cazador and heavily reflected in AAs behavior, I'm willing to believe that the vampire ascendant is literally just that but on steroids. Hence the cartoonish behavior lol

Astarion's a complex character. A lot of his arc is a question about how trauma can shape a person and what remains (if anything) after they've gone through something inconceivable, and if they can move past it and reclaim an identity for themself. I don't think it's a coincidence that his background is mostly vague and we don't actually know the kind of person he was before he was turned (unlike *those* fans, I also don't believe 'corrupt magistrate' means he was 'always destined to be evil' or some nonsense like that.) So much of his character is informed by the choices made in the game and how the experiences shape his worldview. He's by far the most dynamic character in the game and people want there to be a simple answer to his character (whether that be 'he's a poor uwu baby who did nothing wrong' or 'he's always been irredeemably evil and is incapable of change') when the reality is there just isn't one.

All this to say, same as what I've been saying from the beginning, both endings for him serve a purpose. They're two sides of the same coin for his character. They are both true to Astarion and his development and they're meant to contrast in ways that make you think deeper about him and his story. They absolutely cannot be taken in a vacuum and I am just so annoyed with people not engaging with the story on this level and wanting there to be simple moral platitudes to everything because they're uncomfortable with complexity.

[therealdeathoracle]

Since people seemed to like my incorrect bsd quotes from my coworkers I decided to do another one with quotes from my friends

Atsushi: “Been ignored so much bitches call me terms and conditions.”

Akutagawa: “At least you get accepted no matter what.”

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Kunikida: “Bitchboys! Wait what are they called? Dazai! Yes!”

Ranpo: “I'm going to start calling him that.”

Dazai: “You want to see the real bitch come out?”

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Chuuya: “Ok I think I have a solution.”

*Explosion in the distance*

Chuuya: “Don’t worry about that.”

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Atsushi: “That was before I realized he was my dad.”

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Chuuya: “Fan-fucking-tastic just trying to enjoy my meal and god decides to show up!”

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Ranpo to Fukuzawa: “Hey look! An old gay white man! That's better than an old white straight man!”

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Kyouka: “Murder is fun, cool, and hip!”

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Jouno: "I am going... to hurt something."

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Akutagawa: "Don't tell me how to breathe!"

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Dazai: "Want to know what they called me in college? Application Denied!"

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Kenji: "Mom says its my turn with the brain cell"

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Sigma: “Fyodor! Nikolai is grave robbing again!”

Nikolai: “Well it’s not like they need this stuff anymore!”

Fyodor: “He has a solid point, do you need help?”

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Kenji: "This thanksgiving I’m thankful for Fukuzawa, Ranpo, Kunikida, Yosano, Atsushi, and uh... Kyouka. Yeah that’s everyone."

Dazai: "I really appreciate how I’m not on that list."

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Chuuya: *Attacks someone for picking a flower off a bush*

Chuuya handing the flower to Dazai: “Here’s your flower back, freaking freeloaders.”

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Jouno: “Hold that thought, it’s time for me to beat up Tecchou.”

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Jouno: “Well time for me to fight Tecchou and kill some bad guys, and I’m all out of bad guys.”

Tecchou: “Oh shit!”

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*During the ADA’s DnD game night* 

Kunikida: “Dazai, you can’t play a bard. We all know you’re just gonna fuck everything.”

Dazai: "THAT’S A LIE! I just want to hit someone over the head with a lute! Then I’ll fuck someone!"

——————————————————————————

Akutagawa: “Dazai is my personal favorite swear word.”

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Akutagawa: “I’m like a battery, I’m never included in anything.”

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Fukuzawa talking to himself when Ranpo is refusing to do work and Dazai hasn’t shown up yet: “Am I surprised? No of course I’m not I bet on it!”

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Yosano: “Oh you don’t feel so good? I have a fix for that!”

Yosano: *Pulls out a gun*

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Jouno: "I am very angry- *notices Tecchou nearby* HEY HE’S THE ONE WHO STOLE MY PANTS!"

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Atsushi: *Panicking running through the ADA with a trash can that he accidentally set on fire* “NO ONE SAW THIS!”

Kunikida, Dazai, Yosano: “WE SAW THAT!”

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Yosano: *Listing off what she ate today* “I’ve had cheese, crackers, vodka, and egg salad.”

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Kenji: “I’m gonna do this all on my own!” *turns to Ranpo* “Help me.”

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Yosano: “You son of a bitch!”

Ranpo: “HEY! DON’T CALL FUKUZAWA A BITCH!”

Yosano: “No I’m calling you a son of a bitch! YOU ARE ADOPTED!”

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Kenji: *Angrily muttering affirmations to himself*

Yosano: “Is this toxic positivity?”

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Dazai seeing Chuuya using corruption: “This is what gay panic is mothers and fuckers.”

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Dazai: *Hands Akutagawa 4 cents he found on the ground*

Akutagawa: “I get to eat tonight!”

Dazai: *Takes back 1 cent* “No you don’t.”

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Chuuya: *Sees Dazai flirt with some girl*

(What he tried to say) “Great now I’m sad and lonely.”

(What he said) Chuuya: “Great now I’m gay.”

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Chuuya: “That’s kinda gay, not gonna lie.”

Dazai: “You sound kinda gay, not gonna lie.”

Akutagawa: “I have cheese, not gonna lie.”

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Dazai: “This is not gonna go well.”

*2 minutes later*

Dazai sprinting down the street: “OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!”

*2 minutes later*

Dazai: “I LOST MY KNIFE!”

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Dazai: “What gender am I today?”

Atsushi: “12.”

Akutagawa: “32.”

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Chuuya to Akutagawa: “What’s your opinion on the plan?”

Akutagawa: “Cheese is good.”

Chuuya: “That wasn’t the question.”

Gin: “But it’s the answer.”

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Akutagawa trying to flirt with Atsushi after getting advice from Kenji on what he likes: “ONION! I HAVE AN ONION FOR YOU! TAKE THE ONION!”

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Akutagawa: *Trying to show Dazai the new nice outfit Chuuya bought him*

Dazai: *Not even looking at him* “Nice.”

Chuuya: *Angrily* “It’s ok, we all know you hate poor Aku.”

Dazai: *Starts fake crying*

Chuuya: *Sarcastically* “Awww you gonna cry?” *Seriously* “GOOD!” *Leads Akutagawa away while telling him he looks great*

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Chuuya: “Nothing says pride like dick.”

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Akutagawa after someone was mean to Atsushi: “You don’t think you’ll end up in hell for what you’ve done, but sweetheart I’ll be seeing you there soon.”

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Dazai: “I don’t care if you have a cunt or a dick, either way I’m gonna fuck both your mom and dad.”

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Ranpo giving directions to Kunikida after he got Fukuzawa and himself lost: “Look for someone dressed like it’s Halloween and someone dressed like a single dad.”

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Kunikida: *Referring to Chuuya being drunk* “I think he’s in denial.”

Dazai: *Also drunk* “Nah he’s in da Amazon!”

Chuuya: *Absolutely wasted using his ability* “I am in da air!”

——————————————————————————

Akutagawa about Atsushi: “I love his heterophobia.”

Akutagawa: “I meant to say heterochromia.”

@stinkyme

[driderwife]

Ok so here’s extremely barebones info about my Tav cuz ppl are asking and I wanna ramble about dumb fan character stuff cuz it’s fun lol and I actually love this OC now, im probably gonna use him for regular DnD shit when im done with BG3. Sorry for being cringe but like. I’m free and im gonna play this game how I want.

His name is Valence and he’s a half drow storm sorcerer (He should have a drow name but I like hate trying to make them work im not crazy about drow names). I’ve only figured out like, the very basics of his backstory but he was raised in the underdark instead of being banished or killed for his high elf blood, because there’s magic inherent in his bloodline on his drow fathers side so he was deemed useful. I don’t know his early life yet but obviously he was Bullied and Oppressed because duh he’s a little male drow half elf freak.

What I have written so far is that later in his life as an adult he studied and worked under an elderly Matriarch who like whipped and paddled and spanked him. So he’s particularly scared of old women and just submits to women in general. for a lot of his in game choices if a woman is showing authority toward him I just like have him do whatever she says LOL. Hes like I sat my Gray ass down and LISTENED.

As for the romance stuff I have a soap opera going in my head where Valence is like completely enamored with Astarion bc Astarion took his virginity at the ripe age of Old Man & Valence is like easily manipulated by anyone talking him up bc his name is Mud in drow society and usually nobody likes him. also he’s a revenge driven half drow so he lets Astarion do the ascension plot & when that goes sour in their relationship shit Valence is like, do whatever you want to me be evil. Women beated me for fun im a wet napkin for you.

Also you shouldn’t feel bad for valence at all im playing him kinda evil and vindictive and letting him making nasty in game choices. Let the old traumatized twinks be toxic they need to fight it out.

But im also gonna romance Halsin as a poly thing i just haven’t thoroughly plotted that in my head bc i didn’t get very far in his arc yet it takes a WHILE.

Anyways im just having fun with making a truly pathetic dude. Also I love drow men theyre really the Kens of DND universe.

Anyways pls don’t be shy if u wanna tell me about your guys too I think it’s so fun.

[gods-graveyard]

Marauders/Royal court as quotes from my DND group (part 5) (it was a long night)

Evan: "If you succeed once that's an extraordinary event"

Pandora:“A twink and a corpse, that's the quality of men here” Evan:"You have a very natural charisma" Barty:"So you d o want me to talk"? Evan:"I didn't say that" Sirius to Remus:"I think you should learn to lie- even if It's going to bite me in the ass" Pandora:"Apparently I have a good soul, but I do bad things and I really need to stop that" Regulus:"Why"? James:"Emotional imbalance" Marlene to Sirius:"Dorcas and the rich one seem okay- I mean you and Regulus seemed okay and your both rich bastards" Lily:"Are they useful"?  Remus:"As useful as liars can be" Barty:"He denied me the first thing I wanted from my new life, "no gold no ale", what an ass" James:“Can a tick survive in my vagina”? (yes this was said by a cis man playing a male character, no I will not give context) Remus:“These two… well tonight I have to be the third freak” Marlene:“What could we get to impress you” Dorcas:“I'm not sure you could get anything to impress me-” Barty:“Good rum tastes like happiness.. Bad rum tastes like happiness but also hungover” Peter:“Do you have any… cheese”? Remus:“You just want... a wheel of cheese”? Peter:“No a plate- i'm civilized”

Marlene: “You could say I beaten some pussy”

Regulus:“If he says that again ill kill him-” Evan:“He's not joking, she has a history of killing friends” Regulus:“And I don't plan to stop” Sirius: “Don't take anything... ill know” Lily:“Your currently flanked by two very beautiful women” Marlene:“Oh no… whatever will I do~”