#I want my relationship drama to be external to the couple not internal! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bookaddict24-7 · 4 months ago

Text

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Every week I will post various reviews I've written so far in 2024. You can check out my Goodreads for more up-to-date reviews HERE.

Have you read any of these? What were your thoughts?

___

258. Collide by Bal Khabra--⭐️⭐️

"She was literal sunshine." A sentence that made me guffaw because no, she was very much not literal sunshine. Summer was a bitch and the way everyone bent to her will and still lusted after her made me wonder if I should be reading books like WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES.

This was disappointing, to say the least. That cover is everything and I love the rep on said cover. Even though it was like reading ICEBREAKER again (a book that I actually love and have read twice), this was not at all what I was expecting. Why is it such a trend for these mean FMC to just belittle and completely undermine others' emotions for the sake of their "stubborn" personalities? Ugh.

I was going to add more to this pre-review notes I had made for this when I first finished this book, but I don't even want to LOL. This book made me so mad. Sigh.

___

259. Wed to the Barbarian by Keira Andrews--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Did I pull an all-nighter with this book? Yes.

I have decided, Keira Andrews is a favourite author. Her covers may be...not the best, but man, can she tell me a compelling story. WED TO THE BARBARIAN follows two characters who couldn't be any more different from each other. But something about the way the viewed each other and under-estimated each other made my heart melt for them and made me so excited for the moment their connection clicked into place.

Andrews, in her true writing style, has created a story full of heart with a strong message of never judging a book by its cover. Everyone knows what happens when you assume and these two characters (especially the bigger of the two) really fall into that trap of thinking they know what the other is like and how their internal and external strengths can be measured.

I loved watching them slowly fall for each other and enjoyed seeing their bond strengthen over time, until we reach that cliffhanger full of despair.

There was so much on offer in this book and I never thought I'd be devouring a historical fantasy romance (?) so voraciously. I couldn't put this down once I fell into that perfect moment in the book that demanded it be read.

I loved the family dynamics and how dedicated both characters were to them, even if sometimes they were a little misguided. But I also liked how logical Andrews's writing was when it came to certain situations, climaxes, and communication.

Also, not going to lie, those last few chapters were intense. I wish we had more books like this duology from Andrews. I'm excited for all of the books I've yet to read by her.

___

260. The Barbarian's Vow by Keira Andrews--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Devoured because book one left me on a cliffhanger and these two deserve their happy ending!

I can't say too much because it will spoil the hell out of this book. Just know that the angst, the yearning, and the dedication one character has for the other was palpable.

Also, loved, loved how certain things weren't dramatized for the sake of adding drama to the story. So many times authors add unnecessary miscommunications and other jealousy-inducing plot lines to make the story longer, but our queen, Keira Andrews doesn't do this.

And finally, please, I LOVED the adventure-style of this book. It was like one of those "how much can we physically challenge your relationship?" games that a couple might play to truly see how much they care about each other. The juxtaposition of the events in this one and the ones in the first book was *chef's kiss*.

Need more stories like this one!

___

261. The Wrong Bride by Catharina Maura--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Listen, this was like those funny and horribly acted romance stories we see in ads, BUT it was addicting and I couldn't stop reading it. Brought back memories of the over-the-top romances from the early 2010s, but like in the best and cheesiest way possible.

If you're going to sit down to read this one, make sure you have some popcorn on hand. I was so thoroughly entertained while reading this. It made me think of afternoons spent with my mom when I was a kid, having to be quiet because her telenovela was on. The over-the-top situations, the circumstances, and the denial of feelings that the characters showcased throughout the book made for some real entertainment.

And then we had the "villain". Man, she was like the perfect gaslighting telenovela villain. When she was in the middle of her assholery in trying to win back the MMC, this was me:

I'm also a bit of a sucker for an arranged marriage between two reluctant people. I love watching them fall in love and essentially prove everyone else wrong. Plus, for the love of all that is romantically glorious, this FMC needed a freaking win. She was so self-less, to the point of self-destruction, that I really wanted her to show up her horrible sister and mother. The father was the only one who was worth anything in her family.

Anyway, I have book two now and I shall read it soon. I hope it's as dramatic LOL.

___

262. All That's Left in the World by Erik J. Brown--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read July 2024

So, funny story: I actually craved a re-read of this one AFTER reading the sequel (which was incredible as well) and I'm so happy I gave into the craving. I had halfway forgotten how much I enjoyed this book the first time around. I DEFINITELY see myself re-reading this one again in the future.

ALL THAT'S LEFT IN THE WORLD is one of those books that is so honest in its grief and journey to finding yourself that it will leave you feeling just a bit raw by the end. The side characters are great and the way these two characters grow and show the darker aspects of what it means to survive was so well done.

Will forever be one of my favourite Post-Apocalyptic YA reads!

Also, their love is just so sweet and pure, even if it slowly builds as the story progresses.

___

263. Faker by Gordon Korman--⭐️⭐️⭐️

The MC's younger sister is something else.

I jumped into FAKER with no idea what I was getting myself into (like I usually do) and in some (positive) ways, this was a good choice because I know that if I had read the synopsis for this, I would have felt more hesitant to pick it up. I've read a few of Korman's newer books and while I've enjoyed them for the most part, there are definitely some I've liked more than others.

I think with FAKER, it was definitely one of those stories that straddled the line for me. On one hand, I enjoyed reading about this kid who grew to understand the morality question of what his father was doing, and finding his own identity where before he was just a shadow idolizing a criminal father. But on the other hand, it was all just...a bit too on the nose? Like, what are the chances that this one new town has a teacher who teaches students about morals and the question of what is wrong and what is right? AND to have the MC have such a sudden shift? Was he not taught these lessons earlier in private schools?

In Korman's defence, we DO see the cracks starting to form near the beginning, but it definitely does start to make me think about how quickly kids change, especially because they're such impressionable little sponges (the MC's kid sister being the biggest example. She was downright terrifying.)

FAKER felt both incredibly younger than the age group it's geared towards, and older than the age group because of just how much of a criminal the dad is. I know this book might be one of those cautionary tales of trust, perspective, and the bonds of family, but the dad's crime and how he went about them were a little too genius LOL.

Anyway, I'm sure kids will gobble this up. And I really enjoyed that side-plot about saving the earth, even if the one character could have used a slight dose of empathy herself.

___

264. The Threat by K.A. Applegate--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Excuse me, that cliffhanger?

This instalment in the series was WILD and dark. So dark. I actually really enjoyed this one because we get to see the other side of what could have happened to the Animorphs if they had had a different start to their story, or if they didn't have the same morals that they live by.

I've already read the next book, so the cliffhanger pain has been dealt with, but I must say it was so well-done. This whole plot line of David is so refreshing for this series and exactly what it needed. It further brings the characters togethers and challenges them in way they never thought they would encounter.

Great, great instalment.

___

265. Summer Romance by Annabel Monaghan--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Surprised by how much I enjoyed this one!

I'm not going to lie, I totally put a hold for this audiobook at the library by accident. I had initially never intended to read this book and...I think that would have been such a mistake.

I love stories like this one where the love interest is someone the MC would have NEVER thought would be her HEA. The love interest is underestimated and misjudged by literally everyone in his life. Even though I knew immediately who he was from the moment we meet him, I couldn't help but still love the reaction and the communication that happened after the truth was revealed. I also LOVED how she helps prove his family wrong in their perception of him. But it's still bittersweet to watch the adoration that a family has for their son, even if that adoration is a little misguided.

The MC finding herself again after FINALLY starting the divorce from her absent husband (there in body, missing in spirit and fucks to give) was so empowering. I think other single moms in similar situations would benefit from reading this one. Not so much because of the romance, but because some people love to underestimate women, especially moms, and what they will do when they finally find their voices again. I loved the scenes where she was a total badass towards her ex, but also her moments of vulnerability because being human is experiencing the duality of strength, but also weakness.

The grief in this book was like an extra character riding in the passenger seat of the MC's car, that's how powerful it was. But in that grief, the MC finds the truths she ran from about how her life changed and the things that happened that led her there. It's proof that even in death, our mistakes can't be erased but CAN be learned from.

SUMMER ROMANCE is definitely one of those books that some could read as just a heartfelt small town romance novel, but I know this will hit some readers way harder than others. Monaghan's novel has heart and I felt it in every page of the book.

Now, excuse me while I put the rest of her books on hold at my libraries.

___

266. Red Rabbit by Alex Grecian--⭐️⭐️⭐️

RED RABBIT was something else. I'll admit that it took me a WHILE to get into this one. I almost DNF'ed it a few times, and extended my library loan of the audiobook a few times before finally giving in. It had its fun moments, but it also had a lot of confusing moments.

There were SO MANY CHARACTERS. And the timelines are weaved together to make a very confusing spider-web. I think I know why it was done and in retrospect, it makes sense, but while I was reading, I had a lot of "OHHH OKAY" moments when something clicked or finally made sense.

At certain points I thought I knew where the story was going, but then something would happen and it would throw me off all over again.

I don't know how scary RED RABBIT was supposed to be. Sure, there were some gross moments and others that had that taste of fear in each word, but scary scary?

One thing I didn't expect and was pleasantly surprised was the audiobook having the voice actor actually sing some of the songs featured in the book. They were beautifully sung and so incredibly unexpected--totally pulled me into the story even more and made me excited to see what would come next in the story.

I did want to shed a tear near the end and when everything was being resolved, including the reveal of some of the secrets that haunted the book. So, while the beginning took me a while, I was hooked by the end.

I think this would be great for a reader who loves a little western adventure in their stories, with a side of ghosts, witches, and ghouls.

___

Happy reading!

#Reviews of the week #book reviews #review #reviews #books #bookish #booklr #features #bookworm #bookaholic #book blogger #book blog #long text post #on books #on reading #my writing #my opinion

12 notes · View notes

waitmyturtles · 1 year ago

Text

Dear my dearest friend, @wen-kexing-apologist,

If peer pressure is what gets you to give to me, and to us, one of the most motherfucking SHARP analytical lenses on these shows -- one of the MOST IMPORTANT LENSES besides the Thai/Asian lens, the analytical lens of the queer experience of the characters we are watching -- then give me all the fuck yous, and I’ll take them, and hold them in my little drama-addled-aching heart.

THIS WAS BRILLIANT, WKA.

Since I’m done watching He’s Coming To Me, let me go there with Aof for a moment. He REALLY has his themes that he likes, right?

Community/queer community Internalized/externalized homophobia Family and family trauma Stars Moon Sex scores Etc.

One thing that struck me a lot about what you were writing is that: not only do we know so much MORE about Pat AND Pran together as a couple, we also know a lot about PAT AND PRAN THEMSELVES. We’ve met their families, their friends, we’ve seen their schools, we’ve seen what they like to eat. We’ve seen them socializing, flirting, being themselves.

We also know Tian way better than Phupha. We’ve met Tian’s friends and family, we’ve seen his car (woops), and we’ve met his parents and been in his room in his house.

I can’t help but recall that we had to do similar guessing about life experiences and events with Loong Jim in Moonlight Chicken. These older, reticent queer characters who just really don’t give inches on themselves, even while younger men (MIX) pursue and court them.

Because, I’m going to guess, Aof relates to that experience. As you wrote so well, WKA: Pat is terrorizing the local gay elder. Pat can do that because, in true Pat fashion, Pat EMBODIES and BODIES his identity, to his bones (heh heh, bone). Remember at the start of Bad Buddy, homeboy was a toughie, because that’s how his friends and father set him up, and he EMBODIED that role. As you wrote, when he realized that he was in love with Pran, Pat moved fast, because that’s who he is -- and then, and now, he’s EMBODIED the role of that love, because his upbringing DEMANDED that Pat EMBODY whatever role he’s put into/whatever role he wants to take on.

But Aof, and Phupha, and Jim, come from different generations. These guys are around my age, or almost my age (late thirties/early 40s). When we were in high school, there was nothing BUT homophobia. No LGBTQ+ clubs, no “out” rhetoric that we were being taught. Nada. Some of my SE Asian cousins my age could only show support for the LGBTQ+ community once they had moved out of the region. WKA, I think it was @bengiyo who brought up that Phupha is very aware of how sensitive the local Pha Pun Dao kids are to hints of same-sex interactions, and he’s likely hyperaware of that, but... we just don’t know much about him.

And I think Aof is DOING. THAT. ON. PURPOSE. BECAUSE. the gay elders are people that we WOULDN’T know that much about -- because THEY were raised, and raised themselves, to be far more secretive than the youngsters who came after and could be more bold and more out.

NOW: THE THING THAT’S SO LAYERED AND BRILLIANT that you point out is that Pat and Pran ARE ALSO CLOSETED, but in a different way, because of their families and the fucking family rivalry. That doesn’t have to do with Big Homophobia, per se, but: IT IS HOMOPHOBIC. Right?

BUT: because, OTHERWISE, in Pat and Pran’s world, if the family rivalry didn’t exist, then -- LIKE INK AND PA -- Pat and Pran COULD be out, very comfortably. Because their families otherwise (well, we don’t quite know about Dissaya) wouldn’t give a hoot about the same-sex aspect to the relationship. It’s the fucking family rivalry that messes that damn shit up, and creates this OTHER WAY of homophobia that the boys have to deal with.

And we see -- as you so noted, @wen-kexing-apologist, because you pay attention to the bodies -- that Pat and Pran are otherwise out, because outside of that homophobia, they are literally glued to each other.

We just don’t know a lot about Phupha, that’s it, and I think your analysis comes the closest to anything I’ve read about getting insight into who he really is, and how he’s carrying these last two episodes. And I’m desperately thankful to Aof and Earth for giving us Earth’s characters in gay elders to reflect this fucking reality, because it’s a fucking important reality, and a lens that we awllll need to be aware of when we watch these damn important shows and learn more about the queer experience in Thailand and Asia vis à vis generations.

THANK YOU FRIEND @wen-kexing-apologist. I hope you got good sleep last night, because you’re brilliant and ILY. I owe you some rice and curry and cocktails in exchange for this!

Bad Buddy x ATOTS aka Damn You WMT

Dear @waitmyturtles, fuck you, respectfully wen-kexing-apologist. Turts, I have shit to do, I do not have time for this. But once again I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT SO, FUCK ME I GUESS WE’RE DOING A FOREST EPISODE.

More specifically, we are doing an Our Skyy 2, Episode 15 Part 1/4 post, probably far earlier than I should be, and definitely instead of doing work I absolutely need to be doing. But Pat and Phupa’s interactions in this part of the episode have me thinking about Phupa and his relationship to queerness.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I had a marvelous time watching Part 1 of our latest Bad Buddy x ATOTS crossover episode. Why? Because it is absolutely incredibly fun to watch Pat personally terrorize the local gay elder.

What I have really been enjoying in these crossover episodes is watching the ways the similarities and differences in Phupa, Pat, Pran, and Tian play out. Each person spends most of the time paired with the character who play the same role in the relationship but whose personalities and approaches to their relationships are very different. Phupa is the support in his relationship with Tian, Pat is the support in his relationship with Pran, but Phupa never bends and Pat always gives in.

The thing I love about Pat is that he is unabashed in his queerness, he rolls up on to the scene and starts flirting the second he opens his mouth, and then he

Literally

Never

Stops

He annoys Pran, he tests the structural integrity of the house with Pran, sure, but he also wakes up next to Phupa and then proceeds to never let Phupa forget that a) he would and b) that they thought they might have.

He rolls up on the scene as Phupa and his coworker are getting ready to head into the forest, and he starts talking openly and loudly about Phupa’s boyfriend, and the relationship problems they are having.

Phupa is less than amused.

Phupa does not want Pat coming with him, Pat sneaks into the back of the truck, Phupa begrudgingly allows Pat to come with him and Pat says “you’re the cutest”

Phupa is less than amused.

I’m gonna skip ahead a little bit and then regress if that is okay with everyone, after Phupa puts bandaid’s on Pat says yet again “what a cute print, Chief”, “you have a cute side, Chief”

“No wonder teacher is head over heels for you,”

Here Pat is, one half of the first queer couple to interact with Phupa and Tian in god knows how long or possibly ever, talking casually, happily, loudly, and openly about Phupa’s relationship with Tian and Tian’s feelings for Phupa. Reaffirming to Phupa in a way that it is obvious that Tian is in love with him.

And still Phupa is not having it.

As they continue their walk, Pat starts smelling the trees and Phupa is like oh jesus fucking christ what the hell are you doing you are making my life a living hell- “What are you doing?”

And in response, Pat is very open and sappy about Pran.

gif from @liyazaki

“Pran smells so good, if he is nearby, I can find him,” and Phupa is flabbergasted. He just stands there for a second, looking Pat up and down like “okay, seriously…what the fuck?” and he is so obvious about it in the way he looks at Pat and in the way he walks away, that Pat is able to tell immediately that Phupa is, once again, not vibing with Pat’s casual references to his queerness, or overt and honest love and admission of intimacy with his partner. Pat knows Pran’s scent so well that he is confident he could pick it up in the middle of the forest. That suggests a level of familiarity with a body that would traditionally be considered uncouth, if you were polite, and doubly so if you are queer.

gif from @liyazaki

When Phupa starts walking like he’s over the conversation, Pat’s easy smile shifts to confusion “What? Haven’t you smelled Teacher’s body before?”

(Translation: Aren’t you also so in love with your partner, and aren’t you so intimate with your partner that you could recognize his scent anywhere you went? Looking at you watermelon soap sponsorship…looking at you tea bag smell pouch…)

And it’s the inclusion of the word body that really strikes me here, because to say “what? Haven’t you smelled Teacher before?” evokes a different relationship than “What? Haven’t you smelled Teacher’s body?” does.

“That’s too bad” Pat says, and leans suggestively close to Phupa. Like a cat toying with a mouse. Pat likes needling at Phupa’s discomfort around explicit references to Pat and Pran’s sex life. And while we know Phupa has most certainly smelled Tian’s body before, Phupa SPINS around, has this brief moment of absolute wide eye about being so blatantly asked a question that alludes to his physical relationship to and with Tian, looks Pat dead in the eye and says “I’m not a pervert like you,”

gif from @liyazaki

Harsh words. Incredibly harsh words, especially because of the connotations of queerness with perversion, especially because iirc from the KinnPorsche LGBTQ+ Facts special on IQIYI, pervert is often an insult used in Thailand for queer people. Phupa is uncomfortable with Pat’s open conversation about his queer relationship, about his queer intimacy and he chooses to meet Pat with homophobia in the way of a slur.

But Pat is having fun, and I honestly believe he expects that kind of reaction. Pat and Pran were awkward witnesses to Tian and Phupa’s little domestic about watching him shower and looking lovingly into their eyes, but Phupa is stiff the whole time, he is aware that he is engaging in that conversation while other people are present, and he can’t take it and he literally flees. And some of that is because he is getting riled up about their fight, but we see in part 2 of this episode that when Phupa is actually angry with Tian about something, he has no problem standing up and planting his feet to confront Tian about it.

Anyway, Pat is having fun, and Pat wants to test Phupa and so, completely unphased he starts talking about how Tian smells, as if he is familiar. He is like "my boyfriend smells soooo good, do you smell your boyfriend's body? Your boyfriend smells good" and it’s a direct display of Pat's comfortability with his partner, their closeness, and their level of intimacy.

“Teacher Tian smells so good” Pat says with the world’s widest grin

“How do you know that?” Phupa asks almost challenging

“I thought you said you’d never smelled him”

gif from @liyazaki

Caught ya. Phupa has indirectly admitted to intimacy. Pat has successfully engaged Phupa in a conversation that is completely about Phupa’s queerness.

And as Part 2 goes on, we are made more and more aware of how little outward public affection Phupa and Tian engage in. If Phupa and Tian touch around other people, there has to be a legitimate reason to do so (Tian fainted, Tian fainted again, Tian fainted a third time, Tian is drunk, Phupa is drunk, etc.). In this episode, Tian is weak and almost collapses in to Phupa’s arms because he exerted himself too much with his heart. Phupa’s hand is on Tian’s back and then Tian is away from him and standing upright, and when Phupa, Tian, Pat, and Pran exit the forest and enter the clearing of the safe house.

Pat is using Pran as a crutch, and Phupa and Tian have placed a child in between them. They are not touching, they aren’t even standing all that close to each other. Phupa is in ranger mode, sure, but he’s not really in front of people he has to impress, he doesn’t have to be completely professional and on guard when they are in the shack together. Especially when his partner with a body that is currently trying to reject his heart, is sitting there looking on the verge of a heart attack.

Phupa is making direct eye contact with Tian here, he is worried about Tian here, his focus is on Tian here, and yet he does not offer any physical comfort. No reassuring touch, no forehead kiss, hell, not even a hand on the back of his head to check for fever. He’s focused on getting the radio working, which is incredibly important in case there is a medical emergency, but he does not spare a second to physically ground him and Tian. He can only look from a distance. Because there are other people around, there is a child around. Phupa can’t be seen engaging in homosexual softness, Phupa has to be seen as a forest ranger, doing his job, his actual job that involves rescuing his stubborn dumbass boyfriend from yet again getting lost in the forest, but does not involve him being in love.

Again, Phupa truly has no one here he needs to impress, he’s in a room with a child, his boyfriend, and a couple of nuisances that have shown him absolutely zero respect since the moment they waltzed in to his neck of the woods.

At dinner even, after things have settled down, Phupa still cannot bring himself close to Tian in front of prying eyes.

Pat and Pran? Literally sitting side by side, knees touching. They are as close to each other as they possibly can be without literally sitting in each other’s laps.

Here is a close up of Pat and Pran literally making physical contact with each other at the knee and at the elbow.

And what Phupa and Tian do not know, is that Pat and Pran can't be outwardly and openly affectionate to one another in public when they are at school and so they make up for it by being disgusting when they aren't in school. Pat and Pran have to keep up a pretense, and its a tragic undertone to their ability to diffuse the brewing Tian and Phupa fight by looking at each other, nodding, and then improvising a fight realistic enough to get Phupa and Tian to pull them apart.

Because Pat and Pran’s relationship at home is a metaphor for external homophobia, because they are so used to it by now, the having to hide, to pretend they don’t like each other, to pretend they are mad, to pretend they aren’t in love, that they can just ease right in to staged fights at the drop of a fucking hat. But even in their fake fight they wind up pressed up against each other.

(hehe, screen shot funny, look at Phupa, he zoomin’)

Because for so long the only way they could have physical contact in public was by fighting, was by beating each other up, was by pushing or pulling each other away from a fight. Pat and Pran understand that Tian and Phupa are having a fight that they also once had, but they can also see the parts underneath it, the parts that make Phupa ask why the emphasis on him in Tian’s story is about Phupa being in love with Tian rather than his work.

Pat is simultaneously taking the opportunity of being hours and hours away from home, from where he has to hide his relationship, to be as openly and obviously in love with Pran as he has always been and is telling Phupa he is safe to be gay around. That he and Pran are safe people to be gay around, are safe people for him to be openly affectionate with his boyfriend around.

And that stems from the parts of Pat and Phupa that are wildly different.

Like, it is very very notable that Pat confesses his feelings for Pran practically as soon as he realizes that he has feelings for him and initiates the rooftop kiss which they share before they are even together, and then they have a bunch of little kisses, and they sneak as many touches as they can, and they make out multiple times in the show

And Phupa and Tian have…a single forehead kiss and then one kiss, at the top of a mountain, where no one would ever be able to see them after their story is complete.

In last week’s crossover episode, the level of intimacy that Phupa engages in with Tian is called out, even by Aof himself with the roleplaying scene between Pat and Pran where they pretend to be Phupa and Tian putting up a mosquito net and conclude that they absolutely must have kissed then.

But we know they didn’t. We know how painstakingly long it takes for Phupa and Tian to reach that level of intimacy with one another.

I'm even thinking backstory-wise, what is forest ranger training like? Is it part of the military? Did Phupa's gay ass have to enlist in a presumably male dominated field and like, go to training, and be around a bunch of guys, and make sure they didn't suspect he was gay?

I’m thinking about the moments in last week’s episode where it seemed like things were going better between Phupa and Tian, and it was always when Phupa was physically affectionate with Tian, putting his arm around him and not letting him go, when they were at karaoke, and when they were drunkenly stumbling home together, again locked in eachother’s embrace, where anyone could see them.

To regress as I promised back to the leech scene I am struck by what the approach to removing the leeches says about Pat and Phupa respectively.

Pat rips the leech off of him and Phupa takes time to put a lighter to them and pluck them off in a way that does not hurt Pat

Pat rips the leech off and bleeding for it, hurting himself in the process, because he is impulsive and impatient, Pat bleeds emotion, he's practically incapable of hiding what he's feeling, and he must obey his emotions before all else. Therefore, in Bad Buddy Episode 5, when he realizes he has feelings for Pran, Pat immediately has to talk to Pran about his feelings, immediately leans in to the emotion he is feeling in the present moment, and initiates a kiss. A kiss that leaves him feeling blissful, and that leaves him hurt because Pran walks away, because Pran has known forever how much he likes Pat, because Pat has only just figured out his feelings, he hasn’t had to sit with them for long, and yet that kiss is an equally strong release for both of them. When Phupa removes the leech from Pat’s leg he is methodical and patient, he tries to minimize the wound, it takes longer but it has the same result which is why it takes so damn long for him and Tian to get together. When I watches ATOTS and they touched pinkies under that blanket and I went "ah yes! This is the part where you start making out and fucking cause they are adults who have maybe been in a relationship before and who have both been obviously painfully aware of their feelings for eachother since the moment they laid eye on each other"...and then they don’t. Phupa waits, and waits, and waits.

I think the fundamental thing that I see replaying in this episode especially, and with Pat and Phupa’s interactions especially is the elder versus younger queer mentality we got in Moonlight Chicken, with very different characters from Jim and Li Ming, but following a similar pattern of restraint and time versus just jumping right in.

And it’s also why I think the conversation between Pran and Phupa is so important:

gifs by @nanons

Pat and Pran’s need to keep their relationship secret because of their family’s, and because of Pran’s mom specifically is a metaphor for external homophobia. Pat and Pran are extremely comfortable in their sexuality, very open in their love for one another when they are amongst other queer people, or amongst allies, when they are away from their hometown or when they are in the privacy of their homes.

There are a lot of different pieces in play around Phupa and Tian’s relationship, but there is ultimately a metaphor at the most or a blatant sense at the least of internal homophobia on the part of Phupa.

Pat has chosen to stay “in the closet” in order to be with Pran. In a convo with @shortpplfedup about this, Nini said it the most accurate and heart wrenching line: “It's honestly that Pran can't really ever compare to Pat's sacrifice here, and he KNOWS it,”

Similarly, Phupa believes that Tian has made a sacrifice to be with him, and he knows it. Which is why he can’t bring himself to go to Tian’s birthday, because Tian has left before, because he is scared every time Tian goes that he will realize that Phupa isn’t enough. Because Phupa is afraid of being seen as Tian’s partner. Because Phupa is really only capable of being physically affectionate behind closed doors. When they are completely alone. Cause even in the camp, when the child is sleeping and Pat and Pran are off literally fucking in the tent minding their own goddamn business, Phupa cannot bring himself to touch Tian.

They’re sharing place but not space, or whatever it was that Ayan said to Akk in their Our Skyy 2 episodes. When Phupa gives Tian his medicine, at most their fingers brush, they don’t sit down together, they don’t ground themselves with touch. They share this place, but they do not encroach on each other’s personal space…

…until Phupa falls asleep

gif by @earthpirapat

At which point Tian gets up, and places his blanket on him, and physical touches his arm, his shoulder, etc. as he is adjusting the blanket for him.

Tian initiates the touch, Tian stayed in the village with him, Tian is sacrificing his health to be here with Phupa. Phupa has spent 90% of his time alone with the bouncing ball of sunshine that is Pat, and 5% of his time with the chaotic homosexual energy of Pat and Pran together, and to be real, as much as we know about Pat and Pran’s relationship, and as much depth as we are able to pull from these specific characters interacting in the way they do, Phupa has no idea what Pat and Pran have been through to be where they are.

To anyone who does not know Pat and Pran’s story, they seem like nothing more than two horny young adults in love, who feel no need to hide themselves and their queerness away, that have never had a struggle in their life, and do not understand the trials and tribulations of navigating an older queer relationship, who will last the length of a honeymoon period and then disappear at the first sign of real conflict. Thus, I think Phupa grossly underestimates the company he is currently keeping.

So I think, personally, Phupa is kinda of struck by the sudden and unexpected depth that comes from Pran. That Pran is able to identify and then absolutely hone in and strike at the exact things that Phupa is struggling with. As much as Pat has both relished in the freedom he has to be disgustingly in love with his boyfriend in the woods, and as much as Pat has tried to make himself an obviously safe person to be openly gay around, Phupa is incapable of understanding what he can learn from Pat and Pran’s relationship until he realizes these boys have a lot more in common with him than he thought, and that their relationship and their relationship to one another is more complex and therefore more similar to him and Tian’s situation than he would like.

Pran and Phupa carry the weight of feeling like nothing they do will ever compare to the sacrifices their partner has made to be with them. I didn’t get much in to Pat and Tian here, but their interaction makes it clear that they both carry the weight of feeling like their partner does not need them.

Phupa has literally saved Tian’s life on numerous occasions, Tian is chronically ill, Tian has limitations. Phupa is a forest ranger, who is a foundation in his community, who is skilled and competent, and fiercely independent. Pat is disorganized, and impulsive, his father is the reason he and Pran can’t be open about their relationship, he is the reason Pran got sent away.

We get a fun reversal with dynamics in these Bad Buddy x ATOTS episodes because Tian and Phupa are older, but Pat and Pran have an entire lifetime of navigating and overcoming conflict under their belt. Pat and Pran have already weathered the storm of the fight that Tian and Phupa are having. They have already settled in to who they are, but Pat and Pran (Pran especially) are able to see the ways that always giving in and never backing down wears on a person. Pran learns from seeing the pain that Tian is in that being uncompromising might cause fractures in their relationship in the future.

Tian and Phupa (Phupa especially) are learning how to resolve their conflicts. Pran, who is holding on to Tian and Phupa’s story so tightly because it is shared, because it is open, because anyone who wants to can know about it, pushes Phupa, who cannot cope with being portrayed as being in love with Tian, to read all of the diary Tian published online. Pran pushes Phupa to push through the emotional blocks, to push past his initial concerns, and to assume Tian wrote and published this story with both an understanding of who is partner is and what Phupa is comfortable with, and with no intention of hurting anybody.

Anyway, all of this to say, that this episode has really made me analyze Phupa with an internalized homophobia lens, and though one can never trust a P’Aof trailer, it has left me with two impressions.

On the subject of Phupa and internalized homophobia, and needing to move past that (and more) in order for his relationship with Tian to survive this fight, @shortpplfedup said it best:

“Now I'm thinking about one moment from the preview (but just a moment!) where Phupha tells Tian he's not gonna sneak to look at him, he's gonna OPENLY look at him”

And cause it seems like Phupa learned some things from the Bothersome Boys:

Case in point:

Here's multiple hours of my life I will never get back, at least I had fun! Time to go do the work I was supposed to be doing tonight :p

That's all folks!

617 notes · View notes

caedi · 3 years ago

Text

I have a lot of thoughts about what we'll see in the next few episodes of KinnPorsche and need to get them out of my head. I've read most of the book though, so all my theories are very tied up with that.

So here is a brain dump of my theories for episode nine to fourteen, including book spoilers.

Please only click if you don't mind potential spoilers.

I would love to hear if this makes sense to anyone else! I can't stop thinking about it.

Episode Nine: Internal conflict

We've finally met Tawan, and I'm seeing a lot of people on my dash worried that there will be a love-triangle and that Tawan will threaten Kinn & Porsche's relationship.

I can't see that happening in the show. They first hinted at it in episode five and confirmed it in episode eight.

This scene in episode five tells us the gravity of what happened with Tawan - and Kinn's response to this statement is, "Don't worry, I won't let it happen again."

Tawan literally sold information to the Italians, and there was a massive fallout. It was such a betrayal that Kinn shot the man he loved, whether he actually killed him or not.

In the book, Tawan is actively trying to get Kinn back and Kinn turns him down because Tawan cheated on him. He can't trust him. Being cheated on is a betrayal, yes, but that's not even in the same universe as what has been revealed in the show.

So I don't see any way that Kinn will even think about wanting him back. Tawan will test Kinn & Porsche's relationship, but he hasn't been set up as a romantic threat.

Instead, I think his introduction is the next stage of Vegas' plan to dethrone Kinn.

The show has given us a lot of chess metaphors. We know that Porsche is the Queen on the board, and his purpose is to protect the King. Vegas has been focused on Porsche because he knows that while Porsche is on the board, Kinn is protected.

Throughout episode seven, Vegas is trying to get Porsche away from Kinn and onto the minor family's side. Then the bathroom scene happens and Vegas realises that he can't convince Porsche to leave Kinn.

Vegas has been rejected, and if he keeps trying he will literally be shot.

So now Vegas knows he can't get Porsche on his side. But he still needs the 'King' to be vulnerable.

Vegas' next option is to destabilise their relationship from the inside and get Porsche to quit. I think Tawan is working for Vegas to try and cause conflict between Kinn & Porsche. The book tells us that Tawan and his family are in debt, so are easily bought. Vegas also lay the groundwork for this when he told Porsche what happened between Kinn & Tawan, painting Kinn as a paranoid villain.

Fortunately though, Vegas has seriously underestimated Kinn & Porsche's relationship.

We needed episode eight to establish that Kinn & Porsche really care for each other and their relationship is built on a solid foundation. Yes I think Porsche will be jealous and insecure about Tawan being back, but he and Kinn will learn to communicate better and I think we will end episode nine with the pool scene.

Episode 10 to 11: External conflict

Okay, so what could be next? Tawan can't get between them from the inside because, as we learnt in episode 8, Kinn and Porsche have a solid relationship and are in love. But Vegas still can't make his move until the Queen is off the board.

Vegas needs to find another way to get Porsche to leave, and so I think in the next two episodes (episode 10 to 11) he will organise Chay's kidnapping.

In the book, Tawan abducts Chay because he wants Kinn back. This would create drama for our main couple, but doesn't really move the plot forward.

If Tawan is working for Vegas in the show though, he might still abduct Chay if they get intel about Porsche's family from the mole.

Vegas' main aim is to get Porsche to leave Kinn. They'll realise that Chay is Porsche's weakness and they'll be right.

Porsche created enemies the first day that he walked through the doors to the main family house, but I don't think he quite understands that yet. He joined the mafia to protect his little brother and as soon as the mafia hurts his family won't have any choice. He'll have to leave.

Chay being abducted could also be the catalyst for Kinn sending Pete to spy on the minor family, because he will have definitive proof that someone is leaking information to the minor family.

I think episode 11 will conclude with Chay being rescued, Porsche leaving the mafia & breaking up with Kinn, and Pete discovering Vegas' plot and being captured.

Quick little fun happy side note to say that I think Kim will get involved with the family again around this time, but probably not until after Pete has been sent to the minor family & captured. He actually knows which of the bodyguards have been looking into Porsche and may have been able to leak information about his family to the minor family (.... because he asked them to ...)

And if that's how it plays out, well. That's going to be a whole angst fest that I am not ready for.

Episodes 12 to 14: The climax

This leaves episodes 12 - 14 as the climax, with Vegas torturing Pete for information (which in the book happens only after Porchay is rescued) and making his move on the main family.

We also know from the trailer that Kinn won't expect Porsche to be there when he is being attacked by the minor family. Porsche isn't in uniform, and they have their guns pointed at each other.

At this point I don't have any theories about how we will get from Porsche leaving to coming back to save Kinn but I know it's going to break me and I can't wait.

#i wasnt sure if id post this but now im in emergency with a broken finger #please come at me with your theories #i need the distraction #kinnporsche #kinnporsche spoilers #kinnporsche meta #kinnporsche book spoilers #i know theres a typo in one of the screenshots but #not at my computer rn #ill fix it when im back home #book spoilers #looking forward to coming back to this in a few weeks #to see how wrong i was

51 notes · View notes

reachexceedinggrasp · 2 years ago

Text

I've come to realise that as much as I'm completely fine with formula and will happily enjoy formulaic stories, I just really dislike the standard romance outline that includes the Second Act Break Up. I hate break ups after the definitive get together. I want it to be When You Know You Know and there never being any doubt that this is The Person no matter how much doubt there is about practical problems you might have to face to be together.

Internal obstacles are for pre-mutual feelings acknowledgement. After the mutual feelings acknowledgement, I want external obstacles. And if anyone tries any post-get together noble idiot bullshit where they pretend not to love the other person for x (usually stupid) reason, I want the other person to see through it basically immediately. A misunderstanding should not be able to break up the main couple after they have an established connection. Misunderstandings are for before there's real communication happening and when everyone is super insecure. Once there's a relationship, they should be talking to each other.

(Thus my constant refrain that any problem which can be solved by a thirty second conversation there is no reason for the characters not to have is unacceptable as a dramatic conflict. It is insulting to the audience and makes your characters look stupid. Comedy is different, it can have ridiculous conflicts, but it's a sliding scale where how long the conflict lasts is inversely proportional to how silly it is. To keep the plot going, comedy has to constantly escalate by heaping new problems on top of the original problem, every attempt to fix it making it worse until the climax when it all explodes. Comic characters try to have the conversation, but it keeps going wrong. The secret to this not being infuriating is it being fast-paced, funny, and not played for drama.

Having a comic conflict and suddenly asking me to take it super seriously is death for so many romcoms. Actually, it's been death for many dramadies in general. It's just bad writing, my dudes. Comic events can have dramatic fall out if handled skilfully enough, but comic conflict cannot support a dramatic plot arc.)

#writing #I'm just babbling #I'm very 'this is my one person whom I shall love forever' orientated #the otp has to otp themselves or what is the point #people can despair of getting to be together but I don't want them to be like practical and grounded #looking at getting into a relationship like it's a business merger kind of stuff #I want them to be thinking 'alas I will pine forever' not 'well that's a shame we seemed fairly compatible'#wanton romanticism or nothing okay #this is why multishipping and causal shipping is against my religion #even if I try to do it it ends up in shameless romantic idealism anyway #I'm contributing nothing of value I just keep being reminded how annoyed I am by second act breakups #it's okay if they're not definitively together yet or if the characters think they will be forcibly separated #(never accepting the separation will mean their feelings will change)#but I can't stand them just giving up on their relationship or emotionally checking out for cheap drama

5 notes · View notes

howtosingit · 4 years ago

Note

As much as I love the idea of what looks like a lot of cute moments in s2, I can’t help but dwell on Rafa’s comment about them being first responders helping each other. I don’t think either will get seriously injured this season, maybe concussions/cuts minor things really- but I would love to see them emotionally be there for one another, like one having a bit of a breakdown after a rough shift and the other just being their with cuddles and support. That would be amazing. Thoughts?

Oh, I’m totally with you, and I want all of that, too!

For me it boils down to wanting them to truly be a TEAM - they’ll face external challenges and conflicts, they might even have minor disagreements, but I want them to face them TOGETHER. I want them to be a united front, I want them to support each other and be there for each other. (I also want Carlos to continue to tell it to TK straight because he loves him and wants to be honest with him, and I loved when he did that last season.)

I loved reading in that TVLine scoop from yesterday that TK finds it difficult to quarantine with his parents, so he seeks out Carlos for shelter and comfort, and that Carlos is there to support him - I LOVE THAT. MORE OF THAT PLEASE.

I also want Carlos to go through something where TK is there to support him in much the same way. GIVE ME A BALANCED RELATIONSHIP.

I don’t want anyone to get *seriously* injured this season, but I would like to see Carlos be in danger, and to see how TK responds to that. We got Carlos being heartbroken after TK got shot, and they weren’t even dating yet, so I’d love to see how their relationship affects them when something like that happens. Also, sorry, but I love Carlos Reyes with my whole heart and I want to see people (TK) completely lose their shit at the thought of losing him. HE DESERVES THAT.

Look, I know a lot of people are concerned with all of the fluffy stuff we seem to be getting, and how that can only lead to bad things to follow. I don’t know that that’s really true. I’ve watched OG 911 and I’ve thought a lot about how they construct their long-term relationships on that show. Outside of season 1 and the Karen/Hen cheating story (and I think we’ll agree that season 1 was very different than season 2-3; the same will be true for LS, I’m sure), their 3 main couples (Bathena, Madney, and Karen/Hen - I don’t know their ship name, sorry) have really mostly faced external conflicts and minor internal conflicts, and they seem to have approached them as a team, and worked through them together. I truly see the same thing happening for Tarlos.

I don’t think we’re going to ever see them breakup, I don’t think we’re going to see one of them die. I think they are first responders and they are going to be in dangerous situations a lot, but they are going to face all of that as a TEAM, with the 126 acting as a support system around them.

Season 1 was their time for relationship drama, and we got a lot of it. Hell, we even got a “break up,” technically. From now on, I think we’re going to get a different vibe from them, and it will be one of mostly support and comfort. And some angst, of course, but the good stuff.

#turns out I had a lot of thoughts #I hope this makes sense #I feel like I went off on a few tangents #tarlos #911 lone star #ls spoilers #ls speculation #immortalstrand #asks #the honeymoon stage will end and we will get bad things #but I think their relationship will remain pretty solid

53 notes · View notes

weirdsociology · 10 months ago

Text

you know what, i’m gonna give yarros a little more praise here: it is fucking hard to get as much done as she does in two books, even if they’re both 600 pages long. the ideas may not be super original and the prose never gets above workman-like for me, but she knows how to go hell for leather when she needs to.

and also, while i still want to grab some of my faves and hand them to someone more skilled at characterization, it is a bold ass move to write 1200 pages of fantasy romance where the two mcs are constantly on the page together and have it work even slightly. their relationship is… uhhh… artificially intense, shall we say (although there are some plot-relevant reasons for that), but there are also moments where yarros could have gone for cheap drama just to up the stakes and…she didn’t. the conflicts start as all internal to the relationship and then slowly become much more externally driven as the characters build trust and grow, and that works (at least for me) really well because you get the satisfaction arc of a growing romance but still a good amount of “oh fuck now what?” in fact, by the end of book two i was like, “holy shit is this what a functional battle couple looks like when there’s still enough movement and tension in the relationship to make it fun for the reader?”, which is maybe not a thought i’ve ever had before.

so credit where it’s due, the series may not hit every note for me but it does some really ambitious stuff in the guise of a sexed-up YA, and i respect that. i’ll see how much it ‘sticks’ in the next few weeks, but i suspect i’ll happy read the rest of the series when it comes out.

rebecca yarros don’t think you can hide a sex pollen scene in one traditionally published work and an omegaverse reference in the sequel and not have me notice, i’ve been on ao3 too many years for that

15 notes · View notes

faakeid · 4 years ago

Note

On your previous post you explained some similarities between KD and smaylor, but you also mentioned that smaylor's relationship is platonic. But then what kind of differences these couples have, which make you think that kd is romantic and other one is platonic, except for marriage? Take care!

Hey dear! I hope you’re doing well.

I even explained that at the end of the post because it would cause misleading to some people.

The issue with kd and what makes it different is a lot of external factors that would be contradictory in smaylor case (Robin has a husband for a long time, Cory had a relationship for some time as well so it makes them being a real life couple kind of... unrealistic . Unless you go to the cheating path but it makes it unsettling).

But with KD they had a lot of external factors and I even commented about it previously. But some of them are:

Members reactions to them and mostly being of dismissal or in a negative light (S*ho);

Using couple name with the other in a private setting and with no reason for fanservice (jagi);

Putting one of them in two dating scandals around the time there was a blind item talking about two members of the same group dating;

KD’s reaction to the whole thing, how their moments decreased when this blind item was firstly released in 2015;

How SM deals with them in comparison with other fanserviced ships inside and outside EX*;

The fact some moments happen but they’re not mentioned to the public or some translators sees them but change things to not mention KD (like when the car tweet came out, one of the translators said JI left with MK but it was actually KS. There were NUMEROUS cases of this happening throughout the years like fans were shielding their moments from international public);

Some coincidences regarding theories released back in 2016 and how they coincidentally appeared in group moments to be debunked (back when international fans were talking about jagi, it was around Monster comeback and Xiu*hen also used jagi. Other small coincidences like this happened, who was active during that time will know).

So kd being a couple goes so much more than touches and stares. The environment surrounding them speaks volumes about why their relationship is more than platonic and how “external forces” (sm, the members, some fans) seems to want to bury them at whatever cost.

With smaylor, there was a lot of drama especially because of being involved with Batman fandom and it influenced a lot of things about the actors attitude (Cory deleting nygmobblepot support tweets, being shady, saying they were just friends, kind of a disassociation of their image in interviews) and how the production dealt with it (with story arcs mostly). But they were always open with their admiration and friendship to the point Cory was around Robin’s husband numerous times on social media. I mean, if I had a romantic or sexual relationship with my married coworker, that could be a huge no for everyone involved.

So yeah, although some stuff about them are similar, they have huge differences that justify my vision being different for both of them.

18 notes · View notes

mattzerella-sticks · 3 years ago

Text

Fic in Review 2021 Edition

Back at it again with another 2021 Year-In-Review, but make it fanfic.

This will be a short one, as I can definitely say that external forces (my dayjob, satisfyingly addicting media) as well as internal forces (motivation, inspiration, desire to work on original work vs. fanworks) conspired to keep me from writing a lot. So below you’ll see 11 of my fics from this year - 1 for Boku No Hero Academia, 2 for 9-1-1 (on Fox) and 8 for Supernatural.

Hope you enjoy 😊

Not Here for Me (Dean/Cas, T, 8.1k)

If he had the choice, Dean never would have stepped foot inside this place. But Sam was curious - and curious is a hell of a lot better than the depression that clung to him day after day since Jess left him. So Dean swallows his pride, joins Sam as his babysitter. So he won't get find himself in any trouble.

Trouble, however, is more likely to find Dean. In the bowels of his personal hell, can Dean resist temptations that have plagued him his entire life? Or will someone descend and lend a hand, showing Dean that the darkness he imagined only lived inside his own mind. And all that he feared was not as he seemed if he let himself step out of the shadows of his past.

No Supernatural AU, Where Sam goes, Dean follows (Stanford!Sam and Dean); Sam convinces Dean to come with him to a gay bar so he can ‘experiment’, and there’s a lot of utterly oblivious/closeted denial from Dean that gets examined, especially when a certain dark haired, blue eyed angel shows up.

Ticking Photobomb (Carlos/TK, Eddie/Buck, T, 1.7k)

TK loves Carlos, and wants their relationship to work out. Before they can recapture even a semblance of the bliss they shared, Carlos needs to fix his mistake and properly introduce TK to his family. Until then... Carlos deserves at least some punishment. He only hopes Buck will forgive him, for involving him in his and Carlos's first big fight as a couple.

Only it's not Buck's forgiveness he'll need.

Y’all had a lot of opinions on this one. Written when, I assumed, there’d be more drama about Carlos not being ‘out’ to his parents and was a bit tongue-in-cheek where TK is upset and decides to message a clueless Buck something flirty, but sends it to Carlos instead, however this results in Eddie being mad at Buck for receiving the flirty messages. Based off a text post that blew up when the first 9-1-1 crossover aired.

Before the Night Ends (Dean/Cas, T, 2.1k)

It's been a wedding for the ages. Dean and Castiel finally tied the knot, with guests flying in from all across America, Heaven, Hell - even the Empty. But everything must come to an end, and after a wonderful Roadhouse reception Dean and Cas drove off in Baby and off towards their honeymoon.

Except, it's a long drive from Kansas plains to California beaches. They stop close to midnight at a motel along the highway, to sleep, celebrate their wedding night and that it's Valentine's Day, too.

Something I wrote, literally, before we all moved on from celebrating Dean and Cas’s wedding on Valentine’s Day (so close to their one-year anniversary y’all). Figured everyone would be doing their own little wedding fics so I decided to do a short fic about what happened after the wedding, once Dean and Cas were on their way to their honeymoon. Also, everyone is alive!

Heart Eyes, Motherfucker! (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 3.2k)

Izuku knows that where Mei goes, trouble follows. And what Mei creates, will ultimately come back to bite him in the ass. Which is why he's wary when she comes to him, seeking help for an assignment. But when she describes her latest creation - a camera that can capture what a person is thinking - he believes there isn't any reason he should be afraid. By helping her with this, there isn't a way for it to blow up in his face.

That is, until the wrong person's photo is taken, exposing something that he would've liked to keep hidden.

I love a crush reveal in public, what can I say? One thing I love doing in fanfics is taking a trope and going at it from a different angle. So my thought - what if there was a machine that could reveal what a person’s thinking? And that machine, what if it read Bakugou at the wrong moment?

Tribute to What Almost Was (Dean/Cas, GA, 1.6k)

When Cas died, Dean spread his ashes in a field he believed Cas would have liked.

Here's how that went.

Nothing much to this one - inspired by the script leak and what was taken out.

Buddies (one-sided Eddie/Buck, T, 7.3k)

After Eddie was shot, there were two big things he had to deal with - recovery, and the near-death realization that he was gay. The latter of which proved more difficult of the two. But as his recovery was aided by a physical therapist, Eddie also found someone to help him come to terms with his sexuality and find acceptance. Eddie wouldn't know where he'd be if Michael hadn't taken him under his wing.

However, the consequences of a failed date - encouraged by Michael - lead to something Eddie didn't think he'd be facing so soon. Coming out to his teammates. Will Eddie find the strength within himself to push through his fears? It shouldn't be too hard... right?

Eddie Diaz needs to come out as gay (and date Buck, but that’s another matter). This was written in the height of s5 theorizing as we all knew Anna wouldn’t last, and we all want Eddie to put his own happiness first sometimes (which is hard as a parent, but he deserves to be happy). Also written when I thought Michael would be staying on more - but I didn’t know the actor would be one of those people who doesn’t get vaxxed... moving on.

Some drama after a bad one night stand accidentally outs Eddie to his team before he’s ready, and them being there for him once he’s ready to discuss.

“Is scamming gay rights?” (Dean/Cas, T, 1.6k)

Jack tries teaching Dean about his latest obsession, TikTok, except a breakdown in communication teaches Dean that, sometimes, acronyms can mean more than one thing.

The answer is yes lol. I hate that mlm means more than just men loving men, so I channeled my frustration through Dean, whose got the right spirit even if he’s a little confused. If you love old man Dean yelling at angry clouds about the youths, while also being more comfortable with his sexuality - and some confused TFW - definitely take a minute to read.

love the skin you’re in (no ship, T, 1.1k)

Rowena, taking a break from her duties in Hell, decided to spend some time on Earth. But what happens when she's overstayed her welcome and doesn't want to leave, especially the body she inhabits?

As you can see, I’m now in my lower case era (thanks Ariana Grande). Inspired by a tumblr post about Rowena body swapping and was carried away with a Rowena in Dean’s body (it’s just Jensen).

metamorphosis (Dean/Cas, multiship, ongoing - 4 chapters so far, T, 18.1k)

What if, when Jack was born, he stayed a baby?

A retelling of season 13, with a few key differences.

This was originally going to be my DCBB before I realized - it’s too big and I have no time lol. And rather than cut important plot stuff to speed things up, I’d rather let it unfold at its own pace and update when I feel comfortable with how each chapter is written. I’ve got all the plot points written out, just need to write it. But this would have been the season 13 I wanted to see, and - spoiler alert - the series ending I’d’ve wanted, too.

harrison ford’s breadth of work is phenomenal (Dean/Cas, GA, 1.2k)

Dean gets ready for trick-or-treating with Cas and Jack, and thinks about how great his life is.

My author’s note sums this one up really well - I wanted to post something, and this not only came to me but was typed up at an alarmlingly fast speed it’s not like I couldn’t post it.

old men in woods (Dean/Cas, GA, 1.1k)

Years down the road from when Cas first confessed his feelings to Dean, and the two are still going strong. Yet the memory of what happened on that day, the day of Cas's confession, still has an effect on the two men.

Luckily, they have each other on this anniversary.

Went on a hike and read the Men in Woods poem from Misha’s Some Things I Still Can’t Tell You, immediately inspired to write an older!DeanCas fic with them living in a cabin, in the woods, and how’d they spend the November 5th anniversary. Because while it is a celebration amongst us, it’s definitely a trauma experience for both of them (although who am I kidding, it was pretty tramautic for us, too - as well as the infamous November 19th, only there’s nothing to celebrate on that day).

I want to say thank you for all the fans who read, leave kudos, leave comments, two of the three, all three, or see my summaries and bookmark them to read later when they have time. I love seeing the e-mail notifications in my inbox. Hopefully 2022 I can write more than just 11 lol.

5 notes · View notes

englandsgray · 4 years ago

Text

Sherlolly Self-Interviews 2020

Well hi 👋

Ignoring the internal image of Gilderoy Lockheart smiling smugly while flashbulbs pop and saying ‘In my autobiography, Magical Me...’ 🙈😆 I shall take the opportunity of this lovely event to introduce myself as a writer of Sherlolly fanfiction on AO3...

I am English and somewhere over 30. I watched the show as it aired, and lost my heart as quickly to Molly Hooper as to Sherlock Holmes. The kiss is British television history. Series 4 is my favourite. Moriarty on the beach is life. The Holmes brothers break my heart every time.

I am extremely lucky to have been provided some questions to answer here by @ohaine and @mybrainrots - huge, huge love and thanks to these two lovelies, and not just for this. I admire you both so much as writers, and your support means the world to me ❤️ Thanks too, to @sherlollyappreciationweek!

Where did you begin to write, and have you written for other fandoms? I wrote my first fanfic when I was eleven years old - a 100 page ramble about The Monkees. Oh yes. Then in 2018, I fell for the characters of the Disney Pixar film Cars and began writing and publishing. So far so random! Writing in this fandom sprang from binge-watching all four series of Sherlock during lockdown. I remembered reading Louise Brealey talking about being disappointed Molly didn’t get chance to ‘roundly kick Sherlock’s arse’ and agreeing with her wholeheartedly. That, over a few weeks, turned into my first fic - Who You Really Are.

You’re a recent (and welcome!) arrival to the Sherlolly ship, and I was wondering if writing in an established, less active than it used to be fandom has been a challenge? Thank you, firstly. My experience of this fandom has been incredibly positive - the sense of welcome has been wonderful. I will admit I was terrified posting the first fic - there are hundreds of times more stories posted daily in the Sherlock fandom as in the one I had some experience of. But I needn’t have worried, it’s been a blast. I will also admit, that it’s no small thing to be surrounded by such brilliant writing and the long-standing passion which goes with it. But I find that inspiring in itself, and I’m very glad to be here - how supportive the fandom are makes me feel like I always have been!

What’s your favourite place and way to write? My aesthetic is Lin-Manuel Miranda in his in-law’s laundry room 🤣 I wrote my first ten-thousand words on the notes app on my phone before my other half told me to stop being ridiculous! I switch between the laptop, my phone and longhand (I’m a sucker for a nice notepad and a Uni-Ball Eye) and, more often than not, not sat up properly at a table.

Since you’ve (done something I’ve never managed successfully and) written a novella length fic... how did you organise/keep track of all the details and where you wanted the story to go? Did you outline/plot in advance? First of all - I would love to see a novella length fic from you @mybrainrots! The final scene of Who You Really Are came to me very early on and I knew I wanted the fic to fit within TFP - a lot of it takes place in the timeframe of the final montage. At first, it was going to be much more about Sherlock’s relationship with the ideas of sentiment and love (the phrase ‘I’m not sentimental about you, I love you,’ haunted me for a while) and I spent some time researching the psychology and playing with scenes from throughout the series - one of my favourites I didn’t go on to use was inspired by the final scene of THoB. Using scenes from the canon gave an automatic structure, and I was always aiming for the final one I wrote early on - the two of them on the beach (everything is about the beach, with me!) As I went along and started, inevitably, to slow down, I mapped out the chapters with a short note of what I wanted to be in each, then would add notes or phrases as they came to me - often emailed from my phone! I had to force myself through a tricky section set in Baker Street at one point, but it came together in the end. I did plot The Pathologist’s Skeletons on paper first, as I found with a casefic which remains a WIP, that I can get confused and lose focus when it comes to details and how to reveal them in a way which stays paced and interesting. I’ll certainly do that from now on with longer stories and cases. How did you keep up enthusiasm for the work? I want to write an original novel, so I am forcing myself to work through the knotty bits and blocks as a learning experience. Not everything is destined to be finished or finessed, of course, but I’m finding this process is building my confidence that I can overcome problems and slow periods. I also find I know when I need some external inspiration - some of my favourite scenes have come to me while out walking the dog or sitting on the beach. I’ve also been inspired by books or other series or things going on in the world, as we all are, and sometimes that’s pushed me on. Plus, of course, I’m a newbie - I’m very much in the honeymoon period of my writing, even though I’ve loved Sherlock for ten years! (Ten years! Bonkers.)

You’ve got a knack for writing Sherlock’s thoughts and capturing his voice. That said, which character do you find easiest to write? Which is the hardest? Thank you so much. I absolutely love writing Sherlock and Mycroft, and I’m sure that’s because they suit my somewhat over-the-top writing style! I find Molly and her POV really difficult. I want the scenes I write from her perspective to sound completely different to Sherlock, but that means writing in a style which doesn’t come as naturally to me. I’m a long way off happy with that at the moment, but I’m enjoying the challenge.

Is there a scene or character that specifically inspired you to start writing Sherlolly? The whole of TFP, but especially from the moment Sherlock arrives at Musgrave onwards. I am desperate to see what a Sherlock Holmes who has been reacquainted with his own heart would look like. I find his emotionality in those final scenes hugely compelling (Mycroft’s office is one of my favourite moments from across all four series) and, as I have always believed in him and Molly, I practically jumped up back in May after watching it and said ‘right, where’s my notebook?!’.

There’s a lovely peaceful, quiet feeling to your fic ‘We’re All Right At The Moment’. Can you tell us what inspired it and if you’ve thought of doing the backstory that goes with it? Thank you! Like everyone, I would go back to January of this year and start again in a heartbeat, but I am hugely fortunate to be able to say that I have a lot to be grateful to the UK lockdowns for. I might never have begun writing in this fandom otherwise, for one, and I have had a brilliant time so far and met some lovely people. Honestly, I don’t feel able to do any sort of justice in my writing to what has happened in the world in any broader sense than drawing on my own experiences of staying at home and enjoying my family. This particular super-short fic sees Molly cutting Sherlock’s hair at home in Baker Street. I wrote it in the evening after I had cut my other half’s hair and had been reminding myself that despite how horribly worried I was - and still am - about everything, we were all right in that moment, and to focus on that as much as possible. I wanted to try to capture that, if for no reason other than to look back on this entire experience and remember something lovely, so I am so pleased to hear you felt the fic did that. It was only after I finished it and reread it, that I realised it is ambiguous as to whether Molly is worried about Sherlock contracting the virus, or whether she is remembering him being treated for it... As I say, I don’t think I could write more about these extraordinary circumstances - perhaps it’s just too close at the moment - so I don’t plan on extending it. But you know how it is, the plot bunnies hop where they will...

Do you have a Sherlolly music playlist? What are your top five favs from the list? Here’s a run down of (6 🙊) songs I have been getting emotional over in the last little while, leading my brain to assign their significance to my favourite couple...

Kissing You - Des’Ree - It’s so 90′s, it’s a bit cheesy, it’s oddly disturbing. It helped me write A Request, Made Properly, and that gave me an excuse to have Sherlock kiss Molly in the snow.

How Long Will I Love You? - Ellie Goulding - part of the playlist, but also in remembrance of a friend who passed away recently. Life is very short, love is forever.

High and Dry - Jamie Cullum - It’s made me emotional for a very long time. The original is my partner’s version of choice, this is mine.

Think About You - Delta Goodrem - Okay, this one isn’t emotional, and it’s not my usual vibe! Blame the zoom exercise class I do! But oh my goodness, it’s Molly. Bless her.

Blinded By Your Grace (P.T.2. F.T. MNEK) - Stormzy - One of the best ever, I reckon. Spent an awful lot of time thinking about angels and demons, grace and what it takes to save someone, while writing my latest - The Pathologist’s Skeletons. This has been in my head most of the (blimmin’) time!

Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding - I didn’t know I was a fan of Ellie until I wrote this list... I don’t subscribe to the theory that the love Molly wants or that which Sherlock has to offer is any lesser because it isn’t ‘normal’ or expected. I don’t think romantic entanglement would come easy to either of them. But it’s still love and it would be beautiful.

Thank you so much for reading. Thanks and love to @ohaine and @mybrainrots. And thank you @sherlollyappreciationweek for the event and for everything you do ❤️

Feel like I should sign off with a quote from the show...

“You’re not a puzzle-solver, you never have been. You’re a drama queen!” Dr John Watson (Moffat & Gatiss) 2014 😜

A fav fic of mine by @mybrainrots

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7563193

A fav fic of mine by @ohaine

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10562904

My stuff:

https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnglandsGray/works

#sherlolly #sherlollyselfinterview20 #sherlock #sherlockbbc #writing #fanfic #ao3 #ao3 author #read on ao3

40 notes · View notes

todomochi-uwu · 4 years ago

Text

1, 2... and maybe 3 (1/3)

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Kirishima Eijirou; Bakugou Katsuki x reader; Kirishima Eijirou x reader

Warnings: Angst, Poly relationship

Author´s Note: This is the first part of my commission for @beemmmv thank you so much for asking for this, I really hope you enjoy it!!!!!

Bakugou's back was pressed against the dark wood bed heading, his head in between his hands, the trembling of his shoulders wouldn´t seem to stop, his eyes were swollen to the point everything seems just a blur while his mouth failed miserably trying to keep the sobs in.

Kirishima was on the other side, he didn´t seem to be any better. small drops of blood fell off his lips, his teeth bite them down in anxiety and sorrow, his hands clutched the fabric in his shirt in a desperate attempt to stop the ache in his heart.

Only one question had managed to take all the oxygen in the room, asphyxiating them, leaving them cornered.

Where had things gone wrong?

Nothing seemed to add up, no sign, no red flag.

-----------------------------

Going back to when they first years; naive; predictable; no experience at all into what feelings were. They would have never thought that those fist bumps would turn into awkward hand holdings; playful insults would now have a hidden meaning and lingering feelings would insert themselves in the conversation, but before they knew a small peck on the lips in celebration of Bakugou´s new hero license ignited something so big and wonderful it almost felt unreal.

Everything was great. They made it work.

Kirishima knew how and when to be patient, but also to extern his doubts and thoughts, while Bakugou, although took a while, learned how to manage his insecurities and express his feelings.

Some things were new, feelings, for example, saying I love you had a new tone to it, hugging and kissing was such an experience, but also some pretty bold statements had been made, they were NOT into girls.

Funny, considering none of them had even liked someone before or knew what the fuck they were doing.

Mina had commented along the lines, "Sexuality and points of view will change along we grow, maybe not entirely, maybe just small details, but they will." Might be a crackhead, but she knew what she was talking about.

But they were sure of themselves.

So... What in the hell had happened?

A bunch of snarky comments and the power of a thunderstorm. Miya.

The first day she appeared she managed to sweep everyone off their feet, strong looks, determination in her eyes and the scene she had made were enough to declare her place in the room. She stood tall in the ground, small freckles adorn her face along with her rose pink lips, her eyelashes stood long and curvy framing her big brown eyes that were covered behind thick square glasses.

"Hey, four-eyes you are sitting in my fucking seat. Care to move?" A foot kicking the desk hard enough to make it move and hit the wall.

She couldn´t be bothered, she got up and went to the back of the classroom, not even sparing a glance to the porcupine looking man.

"The fuck? I'm talking to you, are you as deaf as you are blind, bitch?" Once again, no fucks were given. And that was enough to tick off Bakugou, in a matter of seconds he was up in her face. Truly a mistake.

"If you don't mind I have better things than to be tacking care of a rabies dog, where´s your caretaker? Shall I fill up a complaint with animal control, because I believe you don´t belong to a classroom but a cage." She pushed her finger against his chest making him back away, not a fraction of fear in her self, she knew his kind, pompous, wannabes who bark much but no bite. "I know who you are Bakugou Katsuki, first and third place in the sports festival, Endeavour´s intern, Ground Zero. Let me tell you something, and you WILL listen, am not here to get yelled or put down by a guy who spits more saliva than he makes sense, make us both a favour and sit down like a good boy and you might receive a treat if you behave. Are we clear?

Complete silence. Midoriya´s jaw was on the floor along with everyone else´s in the room, hell, even Todoroki´s eyes were wide opened and small drops of sweat ran down the right part of his forehead.

No one knew what to do or how to react until a red spiked hair man decided to include himself in the scene.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry. Bakugou can be a little bit much to handle, but I assure he doesn´t mean wrong, he's just not good with strangers, please please don´t take it so personally." He grabbed the blonde one by the collar, but he made no effort in detaching himself, still not understanding what just happened. "My name´s Kirishima, welcome to class 3A." And with that, he left the room along with Bakugou; reprimanding him for his actions and stating that he didn´t act manly at all.

After this, people were a little afraid of approaching her, but soon they found out it was just her standing up for herself, she usually was sweet and considerate, more of a listener rather than a talker, and not a follower.

Her leadership truly showed when in practice missions she managed to come up with a plan that went accord everyone's needs and strongest points, she took suggestions and comments, people looked up to her. A true icon.

About her quirk? Thunderstorm. Her ability to invoke a storm at please was amazing and well worked. Her body would lift off the ground and her eyes would turn pearl white, rays ran across her skin, decorating it, her hands sparkled, she looked invincible.

And two pairs of eyes could notice this.

Kirishima´s eyes always wander to where she stood, he knew it was wrong but the way the dark coloured suit hugged her hips along with the heels she wore it was simply unbelievable, the rhythm she followed while walking; while exercising: while fighting. He was enticed.

His boyfriend was no different, Bakugou would never admit it, but he would watch from the side every time they had to combat, the way she would frown when calculating was arousing and it was even better when she had her legs tight around Deku´s neck, choking him while pulling his arm, immobilizing him.

But there were also small things, simple and almost unnoticeable things that made her lovely, the way she small and giggle when Mina kept making lame jokes; the way the tip of her tongue would come out when trying to wing her eyeliner; her baby blue painted nails scratching the back of her shaved blonde hair; or how excited she would get when dripping little drops of pink colourant in the batter for the cupcakes she made.

Everything amount and made them drop on their knees, their hearts out for her.

Looking on the other side, she wasn´t above feelings. She first noticed the shark-like boy, the way he would cheer up his friends, the words that came out of his heart and the way his smile would light up his entire face. She was confused with what he meant with being "manly" but quickly caught on, it meant being a hero, a good person, and he truly lived up to that. She saw him in the job, she saw him in school and she saw him in his casual state, and she had no doubt, he made her heart flutter.

With Bakugou things were a little more... Harsh? Bickering, comments back and forth, she would pin him to the ground and he would have her face against the floor. And while he was a dick, she could see through it, she could see his fragileness, but also his determination. The way he would care without saying it, or the small efforts he made trying to tone down his attitude.

And then. Sad. Tragic. Heartbroken.

Kirishima and Bakugou were a thing. They had been for a couple of years now.

"Ugh I can´t believe two of the most decent guys in the class are already taken, that leaves us with stoic Todoroki, pervert Mineta and trembling Deku." Hagakure let out, exasperated.

"Who are the other two?" Miya giggled, ohh the drama. Boy, she did not expect what was happening next.

"Bakugou and Kirishima, but I can't even be mad. They are so fucking cute together."

"Wait, wait. They are together? I thought Kirishima was only just a great friend." She could hear her heartbreak bit by bit, the oxygen running out her lungs and her mouth going dry.

"No, girl. Two years now. It was a bit of a shock at first but not unexpected, y´know?"

"Right." And that was the only thing that could come out of her mouth, the two men she loved, the ones who made her skin get goosebumps and sighs leave her mouth.

-----------------------------

Falling in love was the easy part. Dealing with it? Not so much.

They were unsure and scared, they knew they loved each other, but they also love her. Afraid of hurting each other feelings, they decided it was better to stay quiet.

Bakugou loves Kirishima and wasn´t ready to lose him.

Kirishima loves Bakugou and wasn´t planning to have him out of his life.

But it was becoming more and more difficult to hide it, jealousy and longing were now present.

Suddenly the way Todoroki´s eyes looked at her made Kirishima´s teeth clenched to the point of hurting. Sero´s arm was too close for Bakugou´s liking. Deku´s excitement to see her made Kirishima go way too harm on him at training. And the constant flirting Kaminari did gain him a punch on the eye by Bakugou.

Things were getting out of my hand. All of it leading to how things were right now. Communication had been lost, doubts all over the place and the fear filling their hearts.

"Katsuki" Kirishima's broken voice and nasal tone made his partner's heart clench even more, "Could you please tell me what's going on? I am sure I can help if you just let me, you don't have to face this alone."

He decided to stay quiet, Kirishima had been the one and the only person who could see right through him, he could see through the anger, the superiority complex, the hate in his soul, and the idea of breaking the one person he loved, it simply killed him.

"Baby please, you have to talk to me, I just... I just..." Tears were falling again, sobs coming out not allowing any words to come out. "Bakugou, I just don´t want this to end, not like this, not ever. So I´m begging you, please tell me what's wrong."

And he tried, he did, after a few breaths he managed to calm down a bit, enough to talk at least, "I don´t want to hurt you, Ei."

"I promise you won't, talk to me, babe." He promised his forehead against the door.

"I think, I think I like someone else." He stayed quiet gathering his thoughts, "I think I like a girl."

Kirishima eyes widened, his heart beating increasing, even more, they were walking on eggshells, "Okay, are you okay with that?"

"I don't know."

"It's normal to be scared baby, but it´s also normal if you like them. I also do."

"You do?" This time Bakugou was left without words, could it be that...?

"Yeah, at least I think so." He remembered the talk he had with Mina earlier that day.

"I don´t know Mina, I guess I always thought that..."

"Just because Bakugou is your boyfriend doesn´t mean you are gay, Kiri. Sexuality has a pretty big spectrum, doesn´t mean things are either black or white, for all you know you could be bisexual, pansexual or omnisexual; or maybe you just like one girl and she's the exception, we don´t know, all you have to know is that this is okay, you are not wrong, you are not bad. You love Bakugou very much and you will get through this, just talk to him."

"Thank you, Mina"

"Can I... Can I know who you like?" The blonde was hesitant, not sure if he wanted to answer that.

"Okay, but before I want you to know that I love you so much and that this doesn't have to change anything between us, okay?"

"Okay. "

"I like Miya."

Kirishima´s eyes were wide open, relief washing over his entire body and a strange sense of excitement replace it, he had an idea.

"Hey, Katsuki. Do you know what polyamory means?"

#bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki imagine #bakugou katsuki smut #bakugou katsuki angst #bnha #bnha smut #bnha angst #bnha x reader #kirishima eijirou #kirishima eijiro x reader #bnha bakugo katsuki #bnha kirishima eijirou #kirishima eijirou smut #kirishima eijirou angst #kirishima eijiro imagine

175 notes · View notes

depressedoverdrawings · 4 years ago

Photo

I’ve read In the Sunroom, Keiko Takemiya’s earliest shounen-ai, released in 1970, fifty years ago. Half a century. Thinking about it makes my head spin. I'd heard it was supposed to be some sort of proto-Kazeki, but I didn’t expect the main character to be Serge. I mean, literally Serge, he’s a roma boy called “Serge Battour”, but in this version his mom’s a fortune teller, he doesn’t seem to have any noble blood in him, and he seems considerably younger. He was already adorable then, of course. Spoilers ahead, by the way. If you’re in a position to read this post you probably have already read In the Sunroom, and even if you haven’t, you probably know how Keiko Takemiya likes to end her stories. But still, I’d rather be on the safe side. Anyway, if you haven’t read it already, go read it, it’s pretty short. If you can’t find it, send me a message, I’ll help you out. Anyway, let me tell ya, Serge is not lucky when it comes to falling in love, is he? The subject of his painful affections this time is Étoile Rael, a proto-Gilbert who takes the role of the pale boy before him. He sports slightly shorter hair, the power of imagination, and a fixation on taking his clothes off. He’s got some similarities to Gilbert other than his near-identical looks, sharing that carefree gracefulness that Gilbert often displays when he’s not otherwise occupied going through horrible trauma, and also showing some social manipulation craftiness. He displays both when he pretends to be having an anaemic attack during class, both saving Serge from bullying at school (from the teacher, no less), and allowing them (and his little sister) to leave class early and spend the rest of the school day happily playing around in puddles. He’s also got many differences, though. This particular pale boy is sweet and affectionate with Serge up-front, there’s no antagonism from him. The drama in their relationship comes from Serge’s fear and lack of understanding regarding Étoile’s affection, and his own growing feelings for Étoile (a concept given its deserved attention in Kazeki). Meanwhile, Étoile’s faces the pain of seemingly unrequited love. He’s even got a seemingly healthy family (his mom seems pretty cold and distant though), having a little sister, Angel, who he at first has a happy relationship with. He slowly becomes distant from her as he falls for Serge, though, trying to push her away from them, seeing her as a rival. It gets a bit ridiculous when he doesn’t even care about her falling into freezing-cold water, being solely worried about Serge, who jumped in after to save her. Jesus Christ dude, I know you want Serge, he’s perfect and pure and literally the best boy and all, but she’s your little kid sister, come on. Ironically, this behaviour spooks Serge, and, together with Serge’s internal conflicts, drives him away, causing a falling out between them. Sunroom Serge is as sweet as Kazeki Serge however, and never stops caring about Étoile. He spends three days in a row moping around in The Sunroom, waiting for Étoile to show up, and then rushes to his bedroom as soon as he hears from Angel that the boy is seriously sick. Étoile dies. Of course he does. Not from sickness though, but from suicide. Maybe Serge’s desperate, teary invasion of his sickbed wasn’t enough to convince him that Serge fully reciprocated his feelings, even if he didn’t realize it at the moment. Maybe he reached the conclusion that a relationship with Serge would never work out? Or perhaps it was a rash decision, made in the midst of an emotional storm of pain and sadness. Regardless of why, he gives in to despair, and decides to kill himself, stabbing himself with a knife held in his loved one’s hand, in a death as trauma-inducing as it is intimate. And it is very intimate. There are many interesting concepts and deviations from Kazeki in this manga. For instance, the bullied kid here is Serge, in an inversion from Kazeki (actually Kazeki is an inversion from this but I digress). It follows a simpler, more obvious choice of bullied kid, as the persecution born from racism doesn’t require as much set-up to work, as she's only got around 50 pages to work with, instead of 17 freaking volumes. As such, this element isn’t given much depth or material, though I find it understandable. While Étoile considers himself a weirdo and an outcast (due to internalized homophobia, I’d guess), the manga doesn’t actually display him facing any social rejection, other than maybe the fact that his only friend is his little sister. Sunroom Serge, on the other hand, is relentlessly mocked by all, and so lonely, that once he makes a friend (Étoile), he runs around the town like a maniac, shouting to everyone about how happy he is. Aww. Regardless, it’s clear that Étoile, fittingly for proto-Gilbert, carries some sort of internal turmoil with him, even if it’s left vague and unexplored. But while analysing this manga and comparing it to Kazeki is fun, my favourite thing about it is, by far, is the concept of The Sunroom itself. When you’re a kid, having your own secret hideout, having that little place no one knows but you (and your cherished inner circle), it’s one of the coolest feelings ever. It certainly was, for me. At school, my friends and I “had” a couple of wonderful little nooks which we called our own, during recess. At home, I sat on the floor of a tiny little storeroom (if you could even call it that) that I’d make cosy with pillows and covers, and stayed hours reading comics, and later, books. It was so dusty, I always left the place sneezing. And it was great. And finally, in the nearby park, I “had” a little corner behind some of the park buildings, which beautifully faced the wooded hillside of the beginning of the little forest inside the park. Back then, I had no idea what “aesthetics” meant, or consciously understood beauty. And yet, the quiet natural grace of the place entranced me anyway. And it was exactly that strange feeling of loving that place in a way I didn’t understand that made me so connected to it. And here, the feeling of having your own secret hideout is so gorgeously, sincerely depicted! The Sunroom was doubly abandoned: First, it was abandoned along with the rest of the house. Then, it was abandoned in how Étoile’s parents didn’t care or even know about it, after buying the mansion. But then, the kids claimed the lonely old Sunroom for themselves, and gave it new purpose, turning it into their own little kingdom, playing, rearranging tables, messing around, unleashing that wild, unlimited imagination of childhood, that primal cosmic force, turning that dusty old room into a tiny little door to perfection, for a little while. In Sunroom Serge’s own words: Next, this place becomes a forest of fairies. With its bookshelves and aged desks... And the sunlight pouring down on us... This old, unused sunroom... Where the magic is cast endlessly. This manga didn’t make me wail like Kazeki, but it did make me tear up, right here. Anyway, In the Sunroom truly is a prototype of Kaze to Ki no Uta, in that it has similar plot beats, and character and relationship concepts. It has Serge, it has external conflict with society, it has internal conflict with one’s own mind, it has a tragic relationship that ends with the death of the pale boy; it even begins with a poem by Serge, declaring his love for his dead lover. Kaze to Ki no Uta seems, to me, like the logical end result of Keiko Takemiya taking the concepts present in In the Sunroom, and giving them eight years of dedication, working on them with masterful skill and true passion, allowing those concepts to reach their full, devastating potential. It’s awesome to see the seeds of what comes to be. Oh yeah, In the Sunroom also holds the honour of having the first ever male/male kiss in manga! Fifty years ago! Fifty years. Jesus. Anyway, In the Sunroom is bretty gud, would recommend, 8.8/10, not enough tragedy random stuff: - someone who can write should write a goofy fic about gil and étoile fighting over Serge - it’s really cool to see the improvement of her architectural drawings in kazeki - not that they’re ugly here, they’re not, but still, the change is impressive - serge nearly has a heart attack when he merely thinks of étoile naked, get a grip dude - ”étoile” means “star”, adorable

#in the sunroom #keiko takemiya #Serge Battour #shounen ai #shoujo #kaze to ki no uta #rant

74 notes · View notes

ncisladaily · 3 years ago

Link

I don’t like to compare ships – much less ships across different shows (and networks), because all too often that’s like comparing apples and oranges. But in the good things, sometimes those comparisons are warranted. Which is why I want to talk about why I think Chicago PD’s Upstead is on the same path as what I consider the best ship in any procedural on television today: NCIS: Los Angeles’s Densi.

Now, there are many good ships on TV, and procedurals have a lot of iconic ones. But Densi’s 12 year road from reluctant partners to two people with “a thing,” to friends, best friends, each other’s person, with the ups and downs of trying to figure out how to continue doing a job that constantly puts not just your life, but your partner’s life at risk, after you’ve realized that other person means more to you than anything, is unparalleled.

Particularly because Densi’s story doesn’t end there. Kensi and Deeks did figure it out. And it wasn’t easy, and there’s been ups and downs, and setbacks and fights. They haven’t always seen eye to eye. But they’ve been together, nonstop, since season 6 of a show that’s now going into season 13, they’ve had a relationship, they’ve gotten engaged, we got to see their wedding, and now we’re navigating the possibility of them starting a family.

And we haven’t stopped watching. If anything, I watch NCIS: Los Angeles for Densi first.

I’ve always gotten Densi vibes from Upstead, not just because of the way they relate to each other, but also because of Hailey. Jay is not at all similar to my beloved Deeks, but Hailey and Kensi are a lot alike in many ways. And though Deeks’s on the surface response to anything is a joke, his way of being there for Kensi, of putting her first, is something I’ve seen reflected in Jay Halstead.

Though, if we’re being honest, the real parallel in personalities and even in backstory is Kensi and Jay, and often Hailey and Deeks, but that’s not the point of this article, that’s a whole other spiral. Because today I want to focus on the journey two amazing female characters have taken, and the way these two very different, but equally supportive men, have helped them find the best in themselves.

As I think of these two relationships, and why I think they’re so similar, there’s on particular thing that always comes to mind. It’s a quote from Kensi, a metaphor used to describe the Densi relationship in a moment where things were somewhat on thin ice (pun intended). There was a shift for Densi not long after that, and NCIS: Los Angeles never looked back – which is what I’m hoping Chicago PD is planning to do with Upstead.

The metaphor is still important, though, because it sort of exemplifies what Deeks came to mean to Kensi, and what I believe Jay means to Hailey:

“YOUR FROZEN LAKE IS THE NAME FOR WHAT YOU WANT THE MOST IN THE WORLD, AND YOU WANT IT…YOU WANT IT SO BAD THAT YOU’LL DO ANYTHING TO GET IT. AND YOUR HEART TAKES OVER. BUT BECAUSE OF THAT…IT DESTROYS YOU IN THE END.”

It’s not an optimistic quote, because Kensi isn’t feeling optimistic in that moment. She feels like she can’t have what she wants, she can’t have Deeks and at the same time, do her job, and navigate through life when she feels like her heart is literally walking around in the form of another person, someone she can’t protect. Kensi is shutting down, in a way that’s very similar to what Hailey Upton has done in the past.

Except both Kensi and Hailey get through it. They both find a way to cross that frozen lake, the only way you can …slowly, and hang onto the thing, the person, they want. And when it comes to women like them, once they get through that, they don’t let go. Ever.

This is where Hailey’s at right now, and if you need any more proof that she’s not running away, all you need to do is look at the finale. Yes, maybe her reaction should have been to lead with the information of what happened with Voight, but when Hailey looked at Jay after a hard day, all she wanted was to hang onto him. Forever. She didn’t get scared and run away, she got scared and ran towards him. Because that’s her default now. Running towards Jay Halstead.

What this says to me is that Chicago PD might be planning to throw some more obstacles Upstead’s way, but the intention is to have them face those obstacles together. They’re past the miscommunication stage, and they’re already over letting fear control their actions. Sure, I believe Jay will be upset when he learns what happened with Hailey and Voight, but I don’t think he will truly be upset at Hailey, instead he will be upset on her behalf.

TV is all about journeys, and Upstead’s journey has reached a point where the thing that makes more sense isn’t for them to follow the Burzek path, the on/off kind of relationship. That’s also not Chicago PD’s way. They’ve always tried to maintain a clear differentiation between character and relationships. So the Upstead journey feels like it’s headed more towards what NCIS: Los Angeles did with Densi, which is make them as solid as a diamond, once they finally got together.

Which again, doesn’t mean they can’t face external issues. Doesn’t mean there will not be some internal doubts that come into play. It doesn’t even mean we can’t bring up Hailey’s past, or Jay cannot have some family issues (we know Will Halstead is good to create drama at the drop of a hat). All it means is that those issues don’t – shouldn’t separate them. Not anymore.

Instead, Upstead needs to continue on the Densi path. They already did the partners to friends to best friends to each other’s person to in a relationship part. The rest is all about respecting that characters can grow and learn and thrive as a unit. You can do that, Chicago PD. You should do that. If you need any inspiration, turn to CBS on Sundays and check out NCIS: Los Angeles. Densi is leading the way and Upstead should follow so we can have more than one couple we can point to and say yes, see …this is what we want. This is what we need.

This is why we watch.

Chicago PD will return to NBC this Fall.

NCIS: Los Angeles will return to CBS this Fall.

#ncis la #densi #chicago pd #upstead

3 notes · View notes