#I tried using a new blog for a couple months but I might try just using this one again

[starryseasart]

I was tagged by @mybisexualwife in a get to know you better game. thank you friend <3!!

(Answer the questions and tag 9 people you want to know better)

last song I listened to: GameChops version of Marble Zone from Sonic.

currently reading: 3rd Voice (webcomic) by Evan Dahm, The Golden Boar (webcomic) by Magnolia Porter Siddell, and Rhythm of War (audiobook) by Brandon Sanderson (I'm like 4 hours from the end ahh!!!), CAPSLOCK (book) by Ruben Pater.

currently watching: Dungeon Meshi (my beloved), One Piece, Dimension20 Fantasy High Junior Year (HEYYY GIRLIEEE), GameChanger.

currently obsessed with: new dieselpunk victorian gothic horror DND campaign (Pathfinder 2e - playing a lvl 2 cleric named Silas), Splatoon (as usual), FlightRising (recently revived again), Elden Ring (trying to finally finish my playthrough, with the help of my partner).

tagging: @skittidyne @nekoisadumbname @radishleaf @sabertoothwalrus @lawinbehold @alacarterr @adobedesert @bicinno @somnomania @crimpeeeko @plasmirror

[back2bluesidex]

Misconception - MYG ft. KSJ

Pairing: Yoongi X Fem!reader X Seokjin

Theme: Angst, friends to ? au, cheating

Wordcount: 1.2k+

Summary: You and Yoongi have been friends for nine years, you have loved him for five of those. But reciveing nothing but pain from his end you decide to move on only for Yoongi to come breaking down your resolve.

Warnings: Jealous Yoongi, bad decisions, kissing without permission, cheating

Minors are not allowed in this blog!!

A/N: Just a little piece from Six Degrees of Separation.

Read the full Series here

Yoongi knows it’s unfair and childish but he doesn’t like this Kim Seokjin at all. 

For one, he is unbelievably handsome. 

For two, he seems to really like you. 

And Yoongi never liked the guys who liked you too much. While back then, he never acted upon his disapproval because he was sure of his irreplaceable position in your life, now he is not sure anymore. 

His eyes land on you with every little chance he gets tonight. He is aware that he is staring at you much more than it’s socially acceptable but honestly, he doesn’t give a damn. 

While staring at you, he had made a couple of eye contacts with Seokjin, which really pissed him off. 

He doesn’t like being caught red-handed. 

“Can you show me the way to the restroom?” Seokjin’s voice is as sweet as his face. Yoongi absolutely hates it. 

“Sure. That door.” he vaguely points towards the washroom. Seokjin leaves but not before giving him a cryptic glance. 

As soon as the man is inside the restroom, he finds his feet working on autopilot and in moments he is standing before you. 

“You look good.” he says shamelessly as if he didn’t burn you with his cigarette just a year back. Your face morphs into hurt, then sarcasm all within a second. 

“Thanks.” avoiding looking at him, you take a large sip from your glass. Your ignorance stings him like a freshly injected needle. 

“Have you eaten anything? Or are you drinking again on an empty stomach? You know you don’t do good-” it’s his habit to babysit you and old habits die hard.

“The Yoongi that pushed me that night at Jimin’s place and the Yoongi before me are completely different. Why are you pretending so hard, Yoongi? Are you afraid I might step in between you two? If you are then don’t worry. I am not as bad as you think of me. Chill.” you cut him off, try to leave him behind but he stops you. His hand holds you in place and his heart thumps from the skin-to-skin connection. 

“I am not pretending. I am repenting. I- I am extremely ashamed for the way I behaved with you that night. I regret everything. Every single thing, Y/N.” so many unsaid words threaten to spill out of his throat. He is not sure about anything anymore. 

Not about himself, not about Hyeri, not about you. 

“I don’t know how that matters anymore. You can’t take back what you said and did and I.. I can’t go back being your friend. So, let’s just stop here. Congratulations on taking your relationship with my cousin a step ahead. My good wishes will always be with you two.” you smile but it falters. 

“Y/N, please-” he tries to say something, anything that will make you listen to him. But fate has different plans. 

“Yoongi, what are you doing here?” Hyeri butts in and the only chance Yoongi could get with you, slips away right through the gaps between his fingers. 

“Attention everyone.” Hyeri claps her hands, “thanks for joining us this evening. As you know me and my boyfriend finally decided to move in together after dating for five years. But there is more to it. Not only did we decide to move on but also to finally put a ring on each other as the first thing in the new year. So, today also serves as the official invitation for you all to our engagement ceremony which will be held sometime next month. Please bless us with your well wishes. Even though we have fifteen minutes left, a very happy new year to you all!” 

Yoongi’s blood boils. He sees red. Hyeri has truly crossed the line now. They have no fucking plan of exchanging any kind of rings for at least six more months. She is all over the place with her lies, competition to walk over you - It was the last nail in his coffin. 

He will have to take a step now. 

“What do you think you are doing?” he seethes, anger pours through his eyes. 

Hyeri acts all innocent again, “what?” 

“You know what I am talking about.” 

“Oh that? I just said it on a whim. Chill, it’s just rings. Let’s get it in installments. We can invite only a few people and get done with the engagement ceremony-” “You know what? Fuck you.” Yoongi cuts her off and leaves for the balcony. 

It’s already past midnight, a new year, a completely new day. And he will make sure to make it a new beginning for him. 

His heart drops to his stomach when an unexpected sight unfolds before him. 

Your lips are lost in Seokjin’s mouth. He is holding you by your waist, while you wrap him by his neck. He has draped his blazer on you to keep you warm. 

You two kiss and kiss and kiss not giving a damn about being caught by anyone in the action. Unbeknownst to Yoongi, his teeth girt with each other.  

This. this could have been him and you only had he not have Hyeri - wait. What is he even thinking? 

He clears his throat to break through the troubled thoughts that have clouded his mind and reduced visibility to zero. 

You two part your mouths being alert of the presence of a third person. 

You look at him, he looks at you. So many things remain unsaid, unchanged but at the same time blooming into existence. 

“I think it’s time we leave. I will get the car ready.” Seokjin announces, sounding breathless due to the kiss. 

“I will quickly see Hyeri.” You nod. 

“I will walk you out.” Yoongi joins even when he absolutely didn’t have to. 

You two get into the elevator after you exchange a quick bye and a hug with Hyeri. She had pinned him down with a glare but he didn’t care. He needs to talk to you, even when he doesn’t know what he should say. 

“Thanks for coming.” he starts. 

You scoff, “Are you mocking me?” 

He turns his head to look at you. Your lipstick is a little smeared around the small of your mouth - it’s Seokjin’s doing, he wants to rub it off, preferably with his tongue. 

Fuck! No! He scolds himself before opening his mouth to offer an explanation, “No. You joining us tonight have been fruitful to me. I got answers to so many of my questions.” 

“What?” you chuckle humorlessly, “what question? That you are finally ready to tie the knot? That you-” 

Yoongi grabs you by the lapels of your winter coat and crashes his lips on you. Later, he will blame it on his intrusive thoughts. Now, he will let himself enjoy it. 

He kisses you with intent, sucks your lower lip as if it’s his first meal after days. You stay unmoving, not kissing him but not pushing him away either. 

He bites on your lower lip, asking for entrance. You put your hands on his chest and push him away lightly. 

Your pupils are blown out. There are so many questions dancing around your eyes. Yoongi is sure he has answers to none of it. 

Your face remains blank. 

“I won’t ask you what the fuck was that. Guess we are even now.” you say. The elevator dings as if to rescue you from him. You walk out without glancing at him again. 

He remains in the elevator, watches as the door shuts, cutting you off of his line of sight. 

Yoongi really fucked up a big time.  

Read the full Series here

[petalruesimblr]

SimCare Medical Clinic

Sim File Share (currently slow due to traffic/site errors. I will keep trying to upload so check my Downloads page for updates.) Dropbox

Our SimCare team is dedicated to nurturing your health through proactive care and patient-centered treatment - whether you're seeking routine check-ups or specialized care. We’re here to support your journey toward a healthier life and ensure that you receive the best support for your health, every step of the way.

Price: 184, 065 Lot Size: 30x20 Lot Type: No Visitors Allowed Store Content: Click here CC Used: Click here File Type: Package Min. Required Game Version: 1.42 Packs Needed: The Sims 3, Pets (buydebug object), LN (elevator, floor, wallpaper), Ambitions, Generations, Seasons Simlish Clinic Signs (Add-on CC): Price: 1500 Environment: 7 HLOD: 122‬ Features: Shiftable, Frame is CASTable Category: Buy > Decor > Wall Decor Room: Living, Dining, Bedroom, Study EA Mesh Used: Painting Ranch 2x1 from The Sims 3 File Type: Package Min. Required Game Version: 1.42 Packs Needed: The Sims 3, Late Night

Hello and welcome back to my blog!

It’s been a minute, hasn’t it? Life got in the way and honestly, I’ve been taking my sweet time with this new build. It also didn’t help that the Sim File Share site kept giving me errors whenever I tried to upload it and I was supposed to post this last month.

Even now, I’m still dealing with errors on the site and after some frustration, I’ve decided to look into alternative sites for uploading content in the future. But after all the setbacks, it’s finally ready!

Thanks for sticking around and I really appreciate all the likes/reblogs, you all are the best! 💜

Click on the ’Keep Reading’ below for more information and pictures on this lot.

📣 Right-click on a picture and select ’Open image in new tab’ for a clearer view.

This clinic is designed to give a real-life feeling of visiting a healthcare facility. Inside, you’ll find a: reception area, consultation/exam rooms, pharmacy, laboratory, x-ray/radiology, restroom, locker room, staff break room, doctors office and a large empty room for the rabbit hole rug/door. Now, a couple of things to keep in mind - the layout is designed with a small staff in mind but you can use the extra space in the second floor, where the rabbit hole rug/door is placed, if you want to add more offices or any other services. Just make sure that there is enough space for the rabbit hole rug/door to avoid routing issues. I had to get creative with the signs for this build as I couldn’t find anything that felt right or any CCs that matches the layout of the clinic so I made my own directory signs. It is included in the download file and I’ve posted the details along with this post as it is an add-on for the clinic. I’m using a font called Simlish Deja Vu by gazifu@MTS for the signs and I’ve also included translations in the picture above. It’s not perfect but you know what? It does the job! I have also placed a big sign shown on the clinic that translates to 'Pharmacy' and I know it might seem a bit out of place but honestly, it’s the only large sign I liked that fit the building aesthetic I was going for. 📣 Please note that the CC included in the lot are not included on the download file. I’ve compiled a list for those interested in downloading them separately (please click the links above or go to WCIF Navigation page) but those are not required and will be automatically replaced in the game. Any expansion packs with build items listed in the Details section above may be required for this lot to show up in your game. This clinic has been such a fun build to put together and I hope you all enjoy the build. This lot has been play-tested and let me know if you experience any problems on your end!

TSR Tutorial - Create Custom Paintings Sims Wiki - Poly Counts for Creators TSR Workshop Simlish Deja Vu font by gazifu Pixabay

[imomisoplays]

Long story short

...I survived. Or at least, that's how the lyrics go. Hi again, tombler -- I guess?

Long story:

It's really long, so scroll down for the short version!

Earlier in the month, Tumblr wrongly terminated my previous blog at misoplays. It could come out as a funny accident if only it's (a) the first time this kind of termination happened to misoplays, and (b) Tumblr gracefully reinstate the blog again. I've waited for almost a month and sent two e-mails (they did say spamming e-mail would just push my request back on the queue) while keep trying to refresh the page every day, yet the result is the same "There's nothing here" page. That's that me depresso.

To elaborate further on point (a), the first time I decided to start a sims cooking blog, I created it under my OG e-mail address; the e-mail I used to apply for job etc. which also happened to be linked to my OG tumblr account. It's an old account that now acts like a Wayback Machine of memories for me, but as you know, if a blog is already linked to your e-mail, it will be your main blog, and any additional blog you create under that e-mail would act as side blogs. So, the OG misoplays started as a side blog. However, three posts in, the blog got wrongly terminated. I was sure I didn't break any rules, but maybe Tumblr thought my sudden activity in that ancient account was suspicious, which I could understand. So I sent a request to Tumblr, and the blog was reinstated in under two weeks. The blog first looked like this:

Understandably no one liked or reblogged me, and it was totally okay -- because once again, I just started and posted my first three posts.

When the OG misoplays blog was under, I created a new Tumblr account under my other e-mail address, this time the blog becomes my main blog. The username was misomain, because misoplays was unavailable (apparently, you can't use a username from a suspended/terminated blog) at that time. Misomain was a puny name, because 'main' means "a principal of others in the same kind" in English, but it also translates to "to play" in Indonesian. I quite like misomain, but I went back to misoplays the moment Tumblr reinstated that blog.

The blog you might be familiar with looked more or less like this, of course without the silly Squidward booty profile picture 🤣

Everything went smoothly for a couple of months until early November. To be honest it kinda gets blurry what I was trying to do, I think I was trying to change the password or something. Tumblr sent a verification e-mail, and when I clicked on the link, that fateful "There is nothing here" page appeared. It was at that moment I knew something is wrong. My blog got wrongly terminated for the second time.

I sent a request to get my blog reinstated, and as patient as I can be, I get more anxious as the days went. Another fact is that my blog got yeeted away right when I was about to post my Halloween party posts -- which you'll see later, is quite time-consuming to take pictures of. I stopped playing The Sims 4 because I was sad, mad and somehow bitter at the situation. I mean, tell me why it keeps happening to me, @staff? The only possible explanation (and I don't want to keep making excuses for Tumblr because duh) is because sometimes I use VPN and some other times I turned it off. And if that's so, I already sent e-mails explaining the situation -- so far receiving no reply. None; nada!

I didn't think I would recreate another blog; I was done with it. That's when I absent-mindedly tried to google "misoplays" and the search brought me to this post.

I'm not gonna lie, I choked up and almost shed a tear 🥹

To think that someone out there -- someone who I look up to! -- knows that misoplays is gone and is wondering where it is... Bro, the tears are right there. Thank you, @charlypancakes, your post really bring my spirit up. I decided that I will create another blog, and I will start posting again. From now on I'll diligently back everything up, so if Tumblr yeeted this blog, I'm gonna create another one. I'm gonna live up to that one popular Indonesian proverb: Mati satu tumbuh seribu -- for every thing that was lost, a replacement will appear.

This current blog's name imomisoplays is another play on word: In English, 'emo' would refer to the sad, emotional side of me after experiencing this termination (as I would tell my friends, I'm "currently on my emo phase" once again). But in Korean, the word 이모 (read as ee-mo) means "aunt". I'm an aunt myself, and maybe, with my sims cooking content, I can be that cool auntie on the internet, conquering one recipe at a time 💃

Short story:

Phew, you just saved yourself a whole sob story!

My old blog at misoplays got wrongly terminated earlier this month. Tumblr hasn't returned it yet, and I have long lost hope. I saw a hopeful post and realized that I still got that spirit to keep on posting, so I created this blog. I lost my following, my followers (all 20 of you, please know I appreciate each one of you!), and the drafts to my old posts (only managed to save some), but I would love to continue simblr-ing again as imomisoplays 🙇‍♀️

[james-is-here]

I've had this idea for three months and it took so long to put into words because I was trying to come up with...not lyrics so to speak but what I think it feels like in a position like this.

Zombie Au? There's an infection and it's spreading but it's not necessarily zombies. Felix is your little brother.

Blogs: @belladonna6-6-6 @heartbinn @leezanetheofficial I genuinely forgot who else wanted tagged, please let me know again if you want to know when I post

Tags: Death, angst, you might cry (I genuinely cried), I'm so sorry if you cry 🥺, blood, kn1fe, Felix being the precious soul he is even in a dire situation, lots of crying, th-the use of st-stuttering since i've once read that the stuttering is annoying so I'm just warning. LMK if I forgot anything.

You ran and ran, hand tight around your brothers as you keep looking back to make sure he's still keeping up with you and also look out behind the both of you.

You shouldn't be outside at night but your original camp was surrounded by the creatures, slimy, gross, deformed creatures which use to be human beings. It was dusk, barely enough light to see where you're going.

The slow ones were called draggers, the fast ones were called runners, three runners were currently chasing you and your brother. You look back in front of you to find a couple draggers and skid to a stop, running to your left but you went to fast and Felix tripped, loosing the grip on your hand and falling to the ground with a grunt before shuffling back to his feet and catching up to you, taking your hand again.

His fumble unintentionally let the runners catch up to you both as you pant heavily. You still don't know where you're running, the road you're on unfamiliar as you run past buildings after buildings.

You suddenly hear a high pitched whistle and look ahead to your left, a person waving you over to an abandoned convenience store, they wear some sort of head cover that they seem to wear to blend in with the monsters but you saw their eyes and the fact that they were waving you over. You're quick to run over to them but suddenly your hand is empty again.

Turning around, you weren't expecting to see a dragger on your brothers foot. "Felix!" You dash over to him, kicking the dragger in the head before picking your brother up and running into the store.

You set Felix down, cradling his face and looking over him to make sure he's okay. "You guys okay?" The person- or the man- took his head over off and you see someone around you and Felix's age. "Yeah...Yeah, I think we're good. Thank you." "No problem. I'm Chris." "I'm Mn, this is my little brother, Felix." "It's nice to see a few new faces. Come on, there's a few more of us in the staff room."

The other survivors you met were really nice, they were friends of Chris'. Minho, Changbin, and Seungmin. They all lost someone to the infection.

Minho lost his lover, Jisung.

Changbin lost his best friend, Hyunjin.

Seungmin lost his little brother, Jeongin.

and Chris lost his wife and daughter.

You and Felix lost your whole family, you only had each other.

You both were currently on the floor in front of a fire Chris made, everyone else either somewhere in the store. Felix was curled up in your arms between your legs, one leg extended and the other you had your knee up the Felix leaned back on, your body was like his own little bubble, his comfort as your arms were secured around him and you just stared at the dancing flames in front of you.

He shifts, burying his face further into your neck as he slept but slowly he began whimpering and shifting, squirming in your hold as he tried to bury further into your neck. "Felix, bubs, wake up." You rub his arm gently, trying to wake him up and you know he's awake when he moves to face you, you move your legs to hold him properly in your lap as he cries on your shoulder. "Felix..." "I'm so scared, Mn..." "I know...I-I am too." "N-No, I-I'm scared of being in here..." "Wha- Lix, What do you mean?"

He sniffs, moving off your lap to rest his leg on your lap and pull up his pant leg. "No-" The tears hit you fast as you sob and gently graze your finger over the wound. "Th-The Dragger g-got me...I-I'm s-sorry, Mn. I-I'm so s-scared." He's started sobbing now and you just bring him into your arms, holding him tight. "I-I'm sorry..." You shush him, gently rubbing his back. "I-It'll be o-okay, Lixie." You bury your face in his shoulder and hold him tightly. "I-It'll be okay..." If you were reassuring him or yourself, you couldn't say.

Although, someone over heard you, and they were happy that an infected was now in their safe space.

In the stillness of the night, I hold you tight.

As time slips away, fading out of sight.

Every beat of your heart, a whispered plea.

Begging for salvation that I cannot decree.

There was one night, or day, you don't even know the date anymore, that you all gathered near the fire ring, conversing about anything and everything. Chris was telling stories of his family and Changbin told stories about him and Hyunjin, it hurt to learn that Changbin loved Hyunjin but never got the chance to tell him until Hyunjin got infected.

You and Felix were sitting on one of the break room tables, you could tell he's getting weaker, he was getting more tired and he didn't have as much energy anymore.

"I'm sorry...I have to say something before we're all dead." Minho suddenly spoke up and stood up, pulling a knife from the counter. "Woah, hey, Minho! What are you doing?!" "There's a runner or dragger here and I need to take care of it before we're all dead."

Your protective instincts gave it away as you stood and stepped in front of Felix. "Mn?" Seungmin questions your sudden shift before standing up, watching you protect the boy. "Minho, please..." "You really expect that'd change my mind?! Come on, wouldn't any of you want to kill the infected before it took your loved ones?" "Minho, this is my brother, my baby brother, he's all I have left, Please." "You'll end up loosing him." "But I still have him! I still have him now! I don't- I don't want to loose him yet, I-I just can't." You cry, turning towards Felix and cradling his face, gently shushing him as he sobbed, holding onto your wrists as he placed his forehead on yours.

He's muttering that he's scared, that he doesn't want to go, that he doesn't want to leave you and it hurts you even more, leaning back to kiss his forehead before returning to your previous spot.

Suddenly there's hands on your biceps, pulling you away from the boy and you sobbed, begging that this doesn't happen, trying to pull out of Chris' hold but he's stronger than you in the moment. "No, No P-Please! Please, just a little longer please!" Chris pulls you to the back wall of the break room, you try to pull your arms out and run to your brother but suddenly Changbin and Seungmin are holding you in place by your shoulders, keeping you from escaping Chris' hold. You struggle against them as Felix limps backwards away from Minho before falling to the floor.

"I-I'm sorry, Felix..." Minho stutters before driving the blade into his stomach. "No!!" You choke, watching Minho do it a couple more times before dropping the blade and stepping back. "Felix!"

They finally let you go and you dash over to your brother, kneeling next to him and bringing him into your hold, placing a hand on his heart and sobbing heavily. Every other beat is strong but the in between beats are slow and barely there.

"Felix, No..." He sobs, tilting his head into you and you lean further down to connect your foreheads. "I'm scared, Mn..." "I know...I know, bubs, I'm so sorry..."

Your breath grows faint, a fragile sigh,

Yet in your eyes, a fire refuses to die.

I'd trade my every breath to keep you here,

But destiny's grip, I cannot interfere.

His chest begins to rise and sink slowly, but when you lean back to look at his eyes, they almost look alive still, wide and looking up at you the usual way he looked at you, like you were the most amazing guy in the world. He always looked up to you, he loved you as his big brother.

"I-I wish I c-could take your place...give you all that I have. I w-wish you didn't have to go th-through this, Lixie...I-I'm such a terrible brother, I-I'm so sorry." You place a slightly bloody hand on his cheek and wipe his tears away. "Y-You're wrong-" "Ssh, save your breath." He chuckles weakly. "Ironic." His eyes glance down to his stomach where his shaking, bloody hands rest.

Through every gasp, I whisper tales of our past,

Each memory a lifeline, meant to last.

Though time may steal your earthly form away,

Our love's immortal flame will forever stay.

"You'll be with Mama...a-and L-Livy...a-and Rach..." "B-But th-they w-were turned..." "No, that's- That's not them...they're somewhere b-better..."

You move a few strands of hair out of his face and reach down to hold his hand. You don't care about the blood anymore.

"I-I don't w-want you to g-go, Bubs...Y-You belong h-here." "I-It w-would've h-happened...s-sooner or l-later." He inhales shakily, squeezing your hand. "I'm n-not r-really l-leaving." "What do you mean?" He raised a hand slowly and pointed at your chest. "I-I'll b-be here...y-you'll always l-love me, Nn. I-I'll a-always be here..."

I'm here by your side, my love, don't fear,

In the darkness, I'll be your light, my dear.

Though I cannot save you from fate's cruel art,

I'll stay with you, till the last, never apart.

"I-I don't want to leave you now...D-Dying is s-scary, I-I'm s-so s-scared." "It's gonna be okay...I'm gonna be here with you, it's okay. It's okay..."

You stayed the whole time, rubbing your thumb back and forth on the back of his hand and occasionally kissing his forehead. "I-I wish I could've s-saved you. I-I wish th-this didn't have to happen, I-I'm so sorry, Felix..."

You were gonna stay until his last breath.

As your eyes meet mine, in the final gaze,

I'll be the guardian of our love's eternal blaze.

Though you depart from this world's embrace,

You'll find me waiting in love's timeless space.

You had your eyes closed the whole time, you couldn't handle seeing him the way he was but you finally open them, Felix should see you before he goes.

"I-It'll b-be okay, Nn." He raised a hand to the side of your face and you held it tight. "Stop fighting it, Lix. I-I know you are, it's okay. I'm here, y-you're safe. S-Say h-hi to th-the girls and Mum if you see th-them...a-and l-let me know y-your with me every- every once in a while, mkay?" "I-I will a-and t-take m-my locket..." "Lixie..." You choke out as your eyes remain locked and you watch the light fade, his eyes filled with tears and his hand goes limp. "Lix..." You sob with a whine as the others finally kneel by you.

"I'm really sorry, Mn..." You were silent, sobbing over your brother. "Mn, we should move him." You sniff, moving a shaky hand to his neck and Minho gently helped you unclasp the locket, you clutch it in your fist before you leave a final kiss to his forehead and close his eyes. "Okay." You say softly, barely above a whisper.

You pick him up and turn to the other guys. "I-I can't...I-I don't have the strength to just l-leave him somewhere." "I'll take him for you..." Minho offers with his lips pressed together in a soft, apologetic smile. "I-I happen to know a nice area nearby so he won't just be out in the open." "Thank you..." His eyes widen at your words, he just killed your brother, why are you thanking him?

"Wh-When it got worse, I-I don't think I-I'd h-have the strength to actually l-let him go..." He hums in reply and steps up to you, letting you place Felix in his arms before he walks away. "Wait!" Minho turns around and you walk over to him, taking Felix's bracelets, putting them on, and any other items he had on him. You also snatch the pocket knife you saw from a nearby table and cut a part of his hoodie off, the only light blue part of his sleeve that wasn't covered in blood, and put it in your pocket, saving it to make something later. "Thanks." Minho nods before walking away again.

It's lucky the convenience store still has running water as you move to wash off the blood. "Hey, found the clothing section for you." Chris announces, placing a hoodie and jeans on the counter next to you. "In a convenience store?" "Well, from the thrift store next door." "Light Blue?" "Had a feeling...if that's okay?" Tears gather on your lash line before you nod and extend an arm. With Chris' small nod and a gentle smile, he lets you hug him tightly.

"I'm surprised you're not mad at us." Seungmin commented and Changbin slapped his arm. "I-I'm actually grateful...Yeah, you let my brother...b-but it was a necessary thing to do...I-I wouldn't have had the strength to do it my-myself when i-it got worse."

"I'm back." You leave Chris' embrace and turn to Minho. "Thank you...again." "It's no problem...Sorry I got a bit angry before." "It was understandable. Now if you don't mind, the state of my clothes is making me want to cry again so I'm gonna change."

"We'll be out here." Chris said as you walked to the bathroom with the clothes he got you.

When the door closed, Chris turned to the others. "Him thanking us for killing his brother is weird right?" "A little but it makes sense. Were you watching back there? He held his to his final breath. I could tell he wouldn't have been able to let him go if the infection got worse."

"How'd you know?" "Saw them a couple nights ago, Felix showed him the bite on his ankle from the dragger that attacked him before they came in here. I could see him changing and didn't want Mn to keep him to the point of turning into one of those and attacking us." "Did it hurt?" Changbin asked.

"So much. He looked as precious and kind, I really didn't but I was protecting us." You then walk out of the bathroom, throwing your old clothes into a nearby empty box. "Can I hug you, Minho?" "Uh, yeah, sure." He asks hesitantly and you walk over to him, wrapping your arms around his back and shoulders as he did the same to you.

"Thank you-" "Stop thanking me for killing your brother, it's kinda weird." You laugh, pulling away and joining the others on the floor. "Was gonna say thank you for protecting us...although I was against it...what you did makes sense...as much as I want to hate you for killing him you did it to protect us so...guess that skims off some of the hate." "Some?" He looks at you bewildered and the rest of you laugh.

"You killed my brother, you expect there to not be at least a little hate?" "Yeah, but you said some which means there's more hate then gratitude." While you and Minho went back and forth, the other three watch small smiles.

Even in a world of chaos, there's still time to find joy.

😭 I'm sorry if this made you cry and also I wrote this in like three hours it was like 1:20am when I started and now it's 3:41am so I'ma go to bed.

The angst is angsting 😩

His locket had a picture of your family on one side, and him and you together on the other.

[wistfulnightingale]

The Chess Moves Theory Set (New Ideas About the Final 15)

*An 8-Part set of Interconnected MetaTheories that support each other and might start to answer some interesting questions.

Did you have any nagging thoughts about things that didn't make sense from the last 2 episodes of Good Omens S2? Out-of-character moments, or odd changes in mood, or just little things someone said that stood out, but you weren't sure Why?

Me too.

For me, it was Especially because I became convinced that Aziraphale and Crowley committed to each other as loving partners on that bus ride home from the almost-Apocalypse, and that we were seeing An Old Married Couple as S2 opened. They were sweet, but stable, with set looks and comfortable touch and familiar quarrels, and now a sudden dramatic crisis had strolled up to their doorstep in all his naked glory...

So, for many months I was poring over YouTube videos, rewatching full episodes -- with headphones, or not, with captions, without sound, with sound but not watching the visuals.... Bonkers, right? But, as the Cheshire Cat said, "We're all mad here." And Alice later told the Hatter, "...I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are!"

I saw so many wonderful questions about S2 being asked by my fellow madly devoted Ineffables fans. It occurred to me that maybe we needed to ask all the questions at the same time, in order to come closer to the answers we were looking for, instead of looking at one question as the key. Similar to chess, where no singular move can win the match without the other moves and counter-moves.

I came up with 8 Mini-Theories I christened The Chess Moves Theory Set that all impact and support each other. Some may seem too wild or weird for the ineffable path you follow, some you might love, some may (I hope) turn out to be on the right track, and some may prove to be altogether wrong. But I did my best, and I do believe all of them are supported as theories by what I discovered and what I describe in each meta-theory analysis. I hope they are also consistent with the vision Terry Pratchett had for the final story. Even if I was mistaken, at least it gives us something fun to talk about until then!

Tumblr doesn't make it easy to prep and link 8 theory posts and a Master Post -- I tried (oh so hard!) to put cross-links in each one for you, and it just couldn't happen at posting time. Annnd, I'd also foolishly put my works-in-progress from "draft" into "private" 5 days ago! This makes it even tougher for you to get to them. So here's a nice shiny new post with all 8 Mini-Theories plus the Master Post that explains how Chess and Magic connect to all this:

The 8 Chess Moves Theory Set:

1 - The Metatron Misdirection

2 - The Metatron's Second Coming

3 - Ineffables in Check

4 - A Hefty Jigger of Death

5 - Nothing Lasts Forever

6 - The Circle Kiss Theory

7 - The Nightingale DID Sing

8 - Aziraphale's Jubilant Smile

Also: The Chess Moves Theory Set, Why Chess & Magic?

(If anyone has trouble with any links in any of the blogs, please let me know asap, and I'll try to fix it! I had some issues when I tried to cross-link everything!)

I also linked them in my pinned post on my blog page, "I Believe In Nightingales" at @wistfulnightingale.

I hope you enjoy them, if you decide to check them out! I'd love to have you along on this crazy ride until we get to the final chapter for our Beloved Ineffable Husbands!

[posttexasstressdisorder]

Where we go from here...

It took me awhile last evening to get my mind in the right place to do the baking I had to do. I thought I would put on some music on my little radio station to kick my head into work mode. Tried some Glenn Gould playing Bach (always a go-to for morning coffee music), and it didn't hit right.

So I dialed up the huge mix I have titled "1969-72" and almost immediately started the long road back to feeling like myself. After about a half-hour, I was in the groove. Listened to the mix far into the night, after I'd finished working.

I managed to keep my focus and got the cookies all baked, and kiddo's mom happily packed them up and just left for her party, and I'm over here for the next couple of nights, sadly for my back. Two nights of "No Mattress For Old Men" and I'll need a week to recover, but hey...

Wanna thank all y'all for your comments and messages when I posted that I was prolly just gonna go black. Y'all loved me back off the ledge. Posted in a moment of true despair...something I haven't felt in awhile. I am hurting for all of us...and all of you. I have never in my long life been scared for the nation until now. Or at least that's what I thought. This feeling of complete despair, the emotional pain of millions of people, the hopelessness, the fear for the future...after I sat with it awhile I realized yes, that I have felt this same combination of toxic shit before.

In the 65 years I've been on this stinkin' rock, I've been through a number of particularly devastating previous elections, most notably the two Bush2(Dumbya) regimes. I remember the night of the 2004 election...Americans were posting tearful photos taken by their webcams, with them holding up signs saying "We're sorry."

I saw first-hand all the fights for rights that we have gained from the early '60s onward. To find ourselves set back to square one, 50-60 years later, when we had finally gained some footing toward fairness, is cruel. And cruelty is what they will wield as their main weapons in the coming days, as we suddenly find ourselves in the same predicament as 1963-65 when a virginal Joan Baez and little Bobby Dylan changed protest music forever.

So yes, I have felt this same way, and no, the nation didn't die or descend into complete chaos. Our lives went on, essentially as they had, with a growing pile of "things we can't do anymore" heaped atop via the collective wounding of 9/11.

This is another collective wounding--an intentional collective wounding. The next few months are going to be chaotic, they will try to push through their agenda as quickly as possible come january.

I may not post much overtly political stuff from this point on, but if I do it will be refocused on positive news. I don't know for certain how long that might last, but I can't take a 24/7 barrage of bad news and outrage bait. I'm probably gonna unfollow a few blogs, but don't think it's personal...it is Mental/Emotional Health Care.

And yes, I've been in the trenches with y'all a long time...we are all Family at this point...Brothers and Sisters in arms. I'm not leaving, but my presence/role will be different, out of the renewed sense of self-preservation this has thrust me into.

I woke up disoriented, but quickly remembered I'd gotten what I needed to get done done, and had a slow re-entry, sipping my coffee for a couple hours. I kept remembering how well the music had helped me last night, and then the beginnings of what this might turn into began to coalesce. Concepts of a plan. lulz.

As the day went on, I've been on a roller-coaster, emotionally, with seemingly hopeful leads on a roommate not materializing, on top of my craigslist ad for a roomie getting flagged and deleted. Pretty goddamn hopeless as far as this situation is going.

Looked at the huge box of cookies I'd managed to bake last night and it hit me. I've been reblogging the "Gooood Morning, TUMBLR!" graphics every morning up until the election. The image of Robin Williams being in character calling up the role of the military DJ.

Back when I did my cafe in the mountains of NM, a friend lent me a book called "Radio Venceramos", about South American rebels who had a radio transmitter and clamped the leads to the barbed-wire fences to broadcast their signal/programming to their fellow rebels.

Still not sure how the format will work out, but I've decided: my new role is going to primarily be the voice of inspiration over the air-waves to my fellow rebels. Not sure if it will be a second blog or if it will be a continuation of PTSD, but with no further ado, I will become the Voice of my fellow rebels with:

I may make a second blog out of it, but until then I guess I'll make it a series of posts. Tumblr will let you blog up to ten videos/post, and that may be how I start things out. Consider them like stacks of 45s and LP tracks from my paul-shaffer-brain...meant to help keep spirits up and keep the focus.

Made a couple of graphics, will probably try others in the course of it.

So the message today was "You did what you had to do. Heal up for what's ahead."

I will probably start this new focus in the morning...I'm still chewin'.

[toydreamer]

Not sure how to start this blog post Cus I’m unsure how to even start writing this chaotic ball of emotions I’m feeling. So read on if ur still interested otherwise enjoy this prettiest rainbow I’ve had the luck to take a photo of.

for the ones who have been following me for years would know the cancer battle that’s been plaguing my dad for the past few years and the turmoil it’s been putting us through.

No easy way to say this but the longest and dreary journey has finally come to an end for my dad. He did his best to fight with all he can and persistently tolerated the pain demons all so he could buy himself more time with us.

To be Frank, I’ve long expected this day to come bcus well he ain’t a Saint of health, been the heaviest chain smoker all his life. He also didn’t exactly made it easy for us given how addicted he was to decades long history of chugging cigs.

But still he’s my dad and all I can say is I gradually jus accepted the fact and decide to cherish the present days as much as possible Cus it’s gonna be a sooner or later event.

When he was first diagnosed, it was already late stage. There’s still treatment options for him but unfortunately the doctors exhausted medicines after medicines on him bcus his cancer type was an insanely aggressive kind.

We still tried to stay positive but obviously he is deeply affected. There’s bouts of him just wanting to give up and forgo treatment entirely but we managed to persuade him to give it a go all so that we can have abit more time with him.

Eventually he came around abit but he is also a traditional Asian man of extremely few words making the task of prying open an oyster shell with bare hands look like childplay. He doesn’t like telling us what he’s thinking despite many attempts to talk. Another bad habit that we disliked but can’t do about once he clams up.

Understandably we know deep down he’s as anxious and worried about his future as us but he doesn’t want us to worry about him. So it’s like being in a deadlock for days.

All we could do was engaging with him more, finding new food places to try, eating at his favourites and bringing him to places. Those outing made him forgot about his condition for abit, little positive distractions that now serves as happy memories of him.

His tumors stay as stubborn as can be and begin to spread like a menace. It eventually spread to his brain in Jan this year that’s when doctor told us it’s stage 4, they were confident in surgery given he’s still in a healthy condition so we went ahead.

The doctors pulled through and though was not able to remove everything but they did they best to take out as much as they could. Dad recovered well too and bounce back really quickly. They lined him up with a couple more treatments hoping to try and keep it at bay.

But alas this time it only took a month for it to grow back again. Recurring symptoms from before came back and we had a wrenching gut feeling the tumor in his brain is back. Hoping so much that we were wrong but reality and knowledge prove us right again.

Only this time it made it impossible for anymore treatments to be done for him as the cancer grew back in the exact same area and is even bigger than before with brain bleed. His health has also deteriorated at this point that even the surgeons don’t feel confident and comfortable putting him through another surgery in the same area. Risk of side effects are a lot higher now. They also told us he’s reached end stage now.

So we knew there’s no point in putting him through more pain any longer. Made the hard decision to let him live out his condition as comfortably as possible with minimal pain. Doctors have also warned us he might go any time then and to be prepared.

Haven’t cried so hard in years since I was a young child after hearing the news and trying to digest reality. Even though I always knew this day would come it’s never enough preparation when it arrives.

But dad did his best and held out for a month plus. It was so tough watching him waste away as the illness gradually takes away pieces of him, reducing him to being jailed in his own body as he slowly loses functions and control over his body. He is fully dependent on external care. Even if he couldn’t communicate with us like the past, it’s easy to see how turmoil tortured him from within when he can’t even perform basic actions.

Mum’s retired so she gets to visit him and stay by his side for as much of the day as she can. I’m lucky to be able to work from home and only be on call sometimes so I’ll frequently visit him as much as I can. Sis only gets to see him after work so we rotate shifts to manage.

All while waiting for hospice to get back to us when vacancy opens up which was just one week back. When he finally got transferred after almost a month’s wait, a relative had the smartest idea to propose a small little party celebrating my sister’s birthday at the hospice for a few hours so we could gather and hang out with my dad is really the main purpose.

Could tell he really appreciated and enjoy the time outside for abit that’s not him being confined within the wards. Even managed to give us the best thumbs up he can managed which was a great sign.

That inherently gave us abit of a false hope that perhaps he still had more time left. Only for things to descend rapidly in jus a few days later. Up till the morning of Thursday this week, hospice called to inform us that his condition isn’t looking good and to come down and spend as much time with him as possible given he might pass at any time.

Imagine the shock it gave us all after such a good weekend. We rushed down and took shifts to spend all the time we have together with him.

Could tell he wasn’t ready to leave and didn’t want to but we both knew the choice isn’t his to make anymore. He hasn’t been able to straighten his stiff arms for weeks but still did his best to reach his palms out to touch my face one last time. Did my best to tell him what I wanted to say for the last time. He then passed on in the wee hours of today.

As for this rainbow? It felt too much of a coincidence when it appeared after we’ve all been running about preparing for dad’s funeral arrangements. It’s only when I had a breather and look up for abit and was blessed with this majestic sunset sky and the vibrant rainbow bridge after a heavy downpour.

I may be delulu about it but given the timing of everything that’s happening plus the position of it seating jus nicely above the hall that my dad’s wake was held, felt a tad too surreal. Personally it feels like a mix between a thank you message plus a motivational push towards me doing what I do best, encouraging the ideas I have in plans. Or maybe it could be his way of reassuring us things will be fine and he’s truly in a happier better place now.

When things get more settled, I’ll defo look into getting this printed and framed close to dad’s shrine in the house. Feels like a right thing to do.

Typing his little story has been a little therapeutic and helped lighten the load in my chest some.

Missing him and his shenanigans loads already but I know I’ll be okay eventually, the tough part is letting time do it’s job in dulling out the pain.

If u see this, thanks for tuning into part of my life story 🫶🏻✨

[veeta-cuculidae]

as one of your meagre following, I wish to know the answers to the questions 8, 29, and/or 39!

hii flowers!!💐✨ thanks for the ask :]

the Poast from which the questions

8. who was your first kiss?

oh lol, it was my “girlfriend” from elementary school. this story’s pretty funny so ill try to tell it.

so i was like 10 at the time? and still a boy, obviously. it had been valentine’s day and i think some boy asked a girl to be his girlfriend. so the kid i always sat next to was like, hey, which girl do you like? and, my memory’s a bit hazy, but i think i was like nobody and he was like no you have to answer!! so i gave a name (i might literally have picked someone at random) and then the next day apparently he’d told her and then She Was My Girlfriend I Guess. again, hazy memory, but i’m Pretty sure i tried telling her that i uh Didn’t Want To Date and then she starting crying? so yeah i backpedaled.

anyway i went on a “Double Date” with her and my aforementioned friend and his new girlfriend (yes this whole Well We’re Big Boys Now And Should Start Dating thing was kind of an epidemic at the time) where we went to one of theirs’ house and watched a movie or something. at some point the other “couple” kissed and then she and i got more or less peer pressured into kissing too. fun times.

i think she broke up with me a few months later (though by that time, we’d barely been speaking to each other, because again. we were 10 this wasn’t a Real Relationship). the next time i kissed anyone was with my first real girlfriend when i was like 19 (and not a dude anymore). which feels like forever ago, but it’s not even been 3 years yet!!

i don’t think i’ve ever told anyone this story in this much detail before. mostly because of pretty self-explanatory embarrassment. but again, this was elementary school, so you can’t really judge me…

29. what’s the last outfit you wore?

i’m straight t-shirt-and-jeans-ing it right now babey. last Real outfit i wore was blue jeans + white t-shirt + light pink plaid shirt. i’m… not really a fashion person.

39. what’s one feature you would change on tumblr?

now this is highly specific but on mobile (at least on iOS) you can go to any point of a reblog chain, including the OP, by tapping next to the poster’s URL. BUT if it’s an ask, you can’t go to JUST the original answer, because it uses a different UI/formatting. as far as i can tell, the only interactible element is the URL itself, which banishes you to the OP’s blog, rather than bringing you to the post itself.

so yeah That. i’d change that. so that it would work.

[ask-mayorau-brad]

hey, I think this is something you need to hear

Youre doing great, Griefer, I'm sure your dad would be proud.

☀️

It had.. been a long while since he had checked on his blog. He had been so busy with the holiday's.. at least he was now on his usual schedule. He finally opened his inbox.. seeing he had a couple of new asks. His eyes landing on this one first. "..HUH. 1 4PPr3C1473 17.. r3411Y.. 8U7 1 D0U87 H35 Pr0UD 0F M3. 1 D0N7 D353rV3 7H15 5P07.." "3V3N 1F H3 15 Pr0UD 0F M3.. 1 D0N7 D353rV3 MY r013 45 M4Y0r. 1 JU57 H0P3 H35 7H1NK1N6 480U7 M3.. WH3r3V3r H3 15"

.....

.....

.....

Meanwhile... How long had he been here? Months maybe. He had lost track of time being in this.. bright pink world. He tried finding a way out.. but it was no use. He'd end up in the same perfect-replica of his house over and over again. He might as well try doing something today. He kept watering his bushes he had.. water was scarce here.. but he managed to find some. Picking some of the wilted flowers before he heard.. something- or.. someone?

"Huh..? Who might that be?" He thought.

Author's Note: HELLO HI EVERYONE! I apologize extremely for my sudden absence! I've still been recovering from me being sick and I went on a trip to visit family this week and just got back yesterday!! Yes! My hiatus is over! I re-opened my asks, I apologize if I closed them without explanation! But I am officially back from my break on here! I will try to answer your asks as soon as I can! I might not draw them though- NIRVANA-THANIYEL IS OPEN FOR ASKS THOUGH! Although I am currently about to start a arc for him with @mayors-son so be on the look out for it!! THANK YOU AND SORRY FOR ME SUDDENLY GOING AWAY!! <3

[inmate62763]

Hi there Ashley! Super blog! Sorry to stay anonymous for now but I'm still new on here and only just realising I am developing a prison kink.

Does your number 62763 username have any personal significance to your actual prison time?

Were you held on remand before sentencing?

Did you have sexual relations with any other prisoners?

I read in one of your other answers that your cell doors were locked and unlocked by hand by the prison staff. Why aren't things more modern in English prisons like with automatic cell doors operated from a central control room like in many prisons?

Do you think you will ever go back to prison?

Sorry for all the questions and thanks in advance for answering! 🙂

Hey! Hi there. Thanks, I'm pleased you like my blog.

No need to apologise about staying anon'. Belive me having a prison 'kink' is a lot more common than you might think. I've met lots of people, particularly on this site who do. Everyone likes different things and if prisons are your thing then that's cool. Like any kink, it can develop any time. Take me for example, before I went to prison I had no real interest in prisons at all, yes a bit of curiosity about them maybe but I most certainly didn't want to actually end up being in one. But after my first couple of weeks and months in prison I genuinely started to realise I was liking being in that environment and the prison regime and day to day life in there which may sound odd to someone reading this who isn't "into" prisons but there we are. I still really like the world of prisons even though I've been out nearly 9 years now. So you developing a prison kink is nothing to fear or suppress, if you enjoy it then you enjoy it. There are many like minded people and you will meet and see some of their blogs on this site.

Yes, 62763 has personal significance for me because it was part of my real P-NOMIS number which was A62763CD. P-NOMIS is Prison - National Offender Management Information System and is used throughout most of the UK prison system. Basically it's a internal system that holds your criminal record, prison record, prison details and a lots more other relevant stuff. So for my username here I just used the numeric part for my blog name.

Yes, I was on remand for a short period of time before actual sentencing. I was held on remand at HMP Hewell prison which is a local prison in the area I'm from and it the local courts feed into it. But after sentencing I went to HMP Liverpool prison. I had sort of expected to end up in HMP Birmingham / Winson Green prison because of its local location but no, I ended up a bit further away in HMP Liverpool prison when I was fully convicted.

Sorry if this is a boring answer but to be honest, no I did not have any sexual relationships with any other prisoners during my time. It is quite a common thing that occurs but no, not in my case during my time. I did have a prisoner try it on with me against my will when I had only been in there for a few weeks but he was a horrible, skanky bastard who everyone hated and was also suspected of being a snitch / grass. He was a creepy asshole too. A few weeks after he tried his luck with me and failed he made the mistake of trying it on with another guy who wasn't interested also and who ended up absolutely beating the shit out of him. He had a bad reputation and his reputation caught up with him and he got a big kicking.

Yes that's right, my cell door was locked and unlocked manually with keys by officers. That is quite normal in most UK prisons. Not many prisons in the UK have centrally controlled electronic cell doors. We are still locked and unlocked manually in most prisons here. There a few reasons for this but remember that a lot of UK prisons still in full daily operational use are very old buildings built in Victorian times and even though they have been modernised a bit, the infrastructure is still old and probably would be cost prohibitve to alter the infrastructure. Some of the most modern newly built UK prisons have electronically controlled cell doors but the vast majority of UK prisons don't. So like in most British prisons, when I was in my cell and I was always locked up and unlocked by staff using keys rather than from a central control desk. Also particularly if they were short staffed or something was going on or kicking off at banging up times then you might hear the wing officers shout "behind your doors" and what that meant is you return to your cell for bang up as usual but you slam your own door shut from the inside and basically lock yourself in. There were no door handles on the inside of our cell doors so you just slammed your door shut and the spring loaded lock on the outside of the door would engage and lock. Then a short while later a officer would come and check your door was fully closed and you were locked up properly. That used to happen fairly regularly particularly if they were short staffed or wanted everyone banged up quickly.

No I don't think I will ever go back to prison. Can't say never for definite because you never know what life throws your way but I lead a much more settled life now I'm a bit older and I really have absolutely no intention of getting involved in criminal activity again these days. I'm a different person now and have changed my mindset and outlook. I genuinely do miss being in prison sometimes though but I wouldn't jeopardise everything now just to do a bit of prison time again. Which is why I'm happy to have my prison world on sites like this and talking to like minded people rather than going back to prison again for real.

Thanks for the questions, I know my answers were long but I hope it's answered your questions.

Best wishes from 62763 Ashley.

[inflatingnblue]

worried anon here again, but off anon this time bc fuck it, and also if we can’t be open about shit on our kink blogs, where can we??? 💜

I’ve felt and seen how seductive an ED can be; besides my own history of disordered eating and dysmorphia, the love of my life struggles with pretty serious anorexia, and it kills me to watch her be drawn back in again and again by this terrible thing that our culture only perpetuates, even now that she’s years into recovery. When she was at her worst, when she had almost convinced herself that the ED was “working,” she was so miserable and exhausted and listless and angry all the time, and she still hated her body to the point of suicidality. The weight she lost didn’t fix any of it, but it did make her incredibly hard to be around and made her life feel so small that she didn’t want to live it anymore. It makes me sick that the world we live in would rather we hurt and hate ourselves over and over again, systematically denying ourselves the nutrients we need to live, in order to make us think we’re doing right by our bodies and that people will think we’re beautiful. I’m sure you’ve heard all this kind of thing before, just as my fiancée has, from therapists and partners and friends and family and doctors, but I know from my experience that it’s easier to actually start to hear it when you’re not also exposing yourself to pro-ED voices. When I was in high school and at my most mentally ill, I had a whole secret blog where I posted and reblogged self-harm content, so I genuinely do get how that can make you feel less alone. When you’re at your lowest, the most important thing is to not isolate yourself, even if that means you’re in some darker online spaces. Obviously you can and should like whatever posts you want on here, and me and your other followers can easily protect ourselves by blocking pro-ana tags — I guess I just wanted you to know that someone who doesn’t even know you is genuinely worried about you, and hates to see you unable to see how beautiful and valuable you are.

I get the relapsing stuff too; I hadn’t restricted in almost 10 years, but then last December I went through some major life/career/medication changes and gained like 30 lbs in a couple of months, and all the ED and SH voices came right back. The best things I’ve done for myself since then are the simple ones: 1) remind myself that if it was my fiancée feeling this way I would be endlessly telling her how beautiful she is, 2) try to remember that gaining weight isn’t a moral or health failure and is actually a natural part of getting older, and 3) buy myself some cute new underwear and comfy new pants so I didn’t feel horrible every time I tried to get dressed for the day. It’s taken months, and in the mean time I got a new job, this weird old kink of mine resurfaced (possibly as a coping mechanism? idk man, the human brain is wild), and I yanked myself back into a healthier relationship with food and mirrors, but it was and continues to be fucking HARD.

Long story not-so-short, I am really proud of you for making it this far. I am proud of you for being here, and I am proud of every time you push back against those voices, alluring as they might be. Recovery is the toughest, weirdest thing, but it is so worth it. I hope your husband is loving on you lots, I hope you had a wonderful Halloween looking adorable in your Violet costume, and I hope you’ll reach out if you ever need someone to talk to. I’m leaving this as an ask bc I don’t wanna risk making you feel uncomfortable, but feel free to DM me instead of posting/answering it publicly if you’d rather.

💜💜💜

Hello Not So Anon Anymore,

I appreciate you reaching out again and for sharing some of your and your fiancee's stories. One thing I find helpful is hearing about other people's experiences, even if it's not ED related. Hearing how someone has fought and struggled and conquered is good inspiration that maybe not all is lost.

To be honest, I was taken aback by your first ask. When I started reading I was like this person is leaving a compliment, which took a left turn. Not a bad left turn, just an unexpected one. It made me face what I had been doing and it was a good example of how personal struggles don't only affect you.

Oof, I totally understand that crankiness and feeling irritated. I've snapped at people when not meaning to. When you've got a constant stream of thoughts bombarding you it can be easy to lose it, not that it's okay to do so.

Like you said isolation is no bueno. Thinking about my relapse, I did isolate. I'd think maybe I can reach out to a friend, but then I'd stop myself. They've got a lot going on and it always seems like something is wrong when I connect with them, how annoying of me, what a burden. I noticed that no one reached out to me. Not that I was expecting anyone to reach out, but usually friendships go both ways. Both people contact each other and no one did. My ED was like "see, they don't even like you." And that only made the isolation worse.

I also didn't talk to my husband because he had a lot going on and I didn't want to him to try to impede my "progress." Of course I finally told him after several months. He was upset because I wasn't talking to anyone about it, and I don't blame him for feeling that way. Who wouldn't want their significant other to be healthy?

The interesting thing is I was big and I was experiencing symptoms that someone would assume an underweight person faced. I was lightheaded a lot. There were times I wasn't near anything to hold on to so I would crouch to the floor. (I even had a dream of it happening out in public. Tried to will myself to keep walking, but eventually crouched down because I didn't want to fall.) I've never been that lightheaded ever, but I didn't lose much weight when I was younger which is why I never experienced that before. I was scared that my symptoms were increasing in frequency, but at the same time it was a sign that it was "working." I eventually fainted one night. I've never fainted and it was so scary. I didn't even know I had fainted when I first woke up. I literally thought I had somehow fallen out of bed. My memory came back quickly and I couldn't believe I had fainted. Me, overweight, had fainted? I always associated that with those who were underweight, who were actually sick, who actually looked the part of an anorexic. But something that the general population don't seem understand is that it doesn't matter your weight or size - EDs don't discriminate. Starving is starving, regardless of size the body needs energy and when you deplete it the body will respond like a car without gas. It will breakdown.

Also, I totally agree that paying more attention to the bloating and such is a coping mechanism. In a way I think I'm trying to beat "it" first. Like making fun of myself first before someone else can. Making myself big before recovery or my lipedema can. I wish this wasn't such a mind fuck.

I really appreciate your kind words of encouragement. Being vulnerable is challenging and it's brave you decided to not be Anon this time. And same - reach out to talk, even if you'd like to unpack what's going on with your fiancee. I really hope everything works out for you both. 💙

Thanks again.

[shadowredfeline]

Four in One Post

For my A-Pal's two On These Day Posts.

You know that Red Panda does look a lot like Retsuko from Aggretsuko. And not only does she have her show on Netflix, I remember she got to be in Hello Kitty Island Adventure when I always play it on my iPad. But a good game for my A-Pal to give a try. Plus the settings would always put us at ease with the music and all. And for the Chips and Candy. I do have some Barbecue chips that I might have as a snack, but since my sister's birthday is in 3 days, her Work Place is going to celebrate her birthday with her since we're going to have a party with her in 4 days. That's what my sister decided to do for a Two Day Birthday thing. Which happened the same with me 2 years ago when I went Swimming with my Social Club on a Saturday and had my birthday on Sunday. And I think it's gonna happen to me again when I go to the Social Club in 3 months. And I have plenty of Kit Kat candy bars. And if my A-Pal did post about a Kit Kat, I might pick one up at the center, but I just had Broccoli and I am going easy on the Sweets. Even my sister just tried out her new Cotton Candy machine she got. But man my mom and my sister are so obsessed with wanting to start running businesses with food as well as for the Church.

And for my P-Pal's On These Day Posts

That would be a good idea. We can even have our OC Couples on a cruise together and when Summer comes into my Country, we can also have them at the beach too, or go to a Studio as well for a tour or a competition on a game show.

And with Earth day one.

Normally I wasn't a fan of celebrating that day, not even when my Social Club had to do some lame gardening stuff. But I do like to go for a walk around the town to see the environment. And I didn't make any Earth day stuff since I just finished making a Story based on a Cartoon I used to watch as a kid. As well as for playing video games and doing Voice Chat with some of my friends.

[happygo-writing]

words of kindness

I've been wanting to make a post all day but haven't had the chance because I just got home from spending time with friends. I've tried to think of what to say, of what message I wanted to put out there after all that's happened this week and the past couple of months but it can be hard to find the words. So I'm still a bit at a lost of what to say, but I'm going to try and we'll see what comes out.

I truly appreciate the Lone Star fandom. When I came into it, at first I just lurked in the shadows because I was coming off a truly horrific fandom experience that I don't wish for anyone to go through and I was terrified to engage in the fandom. I stayed in my little corner, with a blog under a different name, and just watched and tried to figure out if I wanted to dip my toes in. When season 3 started I live-blogged a little bit but it was well it was a couple of episodes into season 3 before I made my url what it is today and fully stepped into the Lone Star fandom and started to write fics for it. It was truly a better experience than I've ever had in fandom. Everyone was so nice and supportive and encouraging. I still think there are a lot of nice and encouraging people in the fandom, the negative voices have just been louder lately. And I'm not talking about negative opinions or thoughts, but people who are going out of their way to attack people who create content for this fandom.

To the Lone Star fandom as a whole: Thank you everyone who blesses us each day with a new creation, whether it be gif sets, art, fan fiction, meta posts whatever it is that you make, thank you. You are the reason why fandoms thrive the way they do. Fandoms are nothing without fandom creations that keep fans engaged during the off-seasons and time between episodes. Thank you for blessing us with your talents, for being vulnerable and for sharing your creations with us. I know how hard it can be to pour yourself into something and sharing it for the internet to see. It can be so daunting and it's amazing that so many of you do it. Thank you for creating in your free time. I hope you know that people do value you and value the time that you put into the things that you posts.

And thank you to those who might not create things but leave comments and likes on the things that people create. Thank you for being cheerleaders and giving motivation to those who might struggle with it at times. I know personally that I wouldn't be able to do or post half of what I do. You're appreciated so so so much.

thank you to everyone who follows me, talks to me, and engages in my content in any way, know that I appreciate each and every one of you and I am so glad that I get to be in this fandom with all of you. I love you all, my DMs are always open and I am always more than happy to chat!

[rasp-passion-tea]

A small (big) update/catch-up post for anyone curious on where I've been and where I'll be:

*rides in on a skateboard with sunglasses and a mocktail in hand* yo

The past couple of years, I've been pretty M.I.A. I'd feel bad if I'd have any remaining folks who cared about me are left in the dark (as much as that anxious part of me will try to convince myself otherwise, I did build genuine connections on here 🥰). There also just might happen to be old inactive friends of mine who might randomly wonder where that random raspberry girl on tumblr ended up only to come back to see that she might've disappeared,,, or been sold on the dark web 🧐. There could also be any eventual new people to our small community to wonder that. So y’know what 🤔 I'll keep a little post up top so people can know (also, it'd be nice to give a speech once more to my imaginary audience c:)

With that said, I'll ramble about sum up under the cut:

So, where ya been, Rasp?

Well, to start things off, I'm doing really good :D looking back, I might've given people the vibe I was majorly depressed and that might've woried some people 🥲 it was never anything major, but I was still dealing with some teenage girl stuff, and this blog and ship and the fanbase I joined because of it became my mini safe spot. Simply put, I didn't have any sources to be able to properly word that to. I have that now and feel much more grounded and capable, and that's all I could've wanted years ago :)

You might've already guessed, but I've been busy lately, with adult stuff specifically. Yup, the fandoms resident little sister is grown now. She's working!! And she's in college!!! Wow!!1! I HAVE BASICALLY NO MORE FREE TIME!!!!!!!11! :DDD That, and a bunch of other reasons have made it harder to focus on one thing at a time, which is why I've been pretty scarce on this app, and online on general.

Soooo how ya been then, Rasp?

Uhhh... good question. Fine, I suppose 😗 kinda just existing right now. I have a feeling a lot of that has to do with me being unmediacted at the moment, so I haven't been able to do a lot of the things I love the past few years. Sooo... if you're wondering why I never posted those fics I teased in the past, that's why 🥲 I have a feeling I will one day, though. Just a matter of time. Speaking of, let's go into my last point:

Does that mean you're abandoning this account, Rasp?? ☹️

Mmm not quite. I've been popping in every couple of months, and I might keep doing that. But I definitely won't be as active as I used to. Couple reasons:

I mentioned a lot of reasons why, but I've been. Very busy 🥲 being online hasn't been at the forefront of my mind lately, so I've decided to not stress about it right now. Like I mentioned before, I'd like to come back to all this one day, but that's not now. Speaking of:

As much as I feel bad saying this, once the show ended, the ship and its fandom got really quiet. For me that makes it harder to participate in things if there's not a large community. I've joined other fandoms cuz of that, but not like this one... this fandom was special...... *looks off into the distance*

Bonus reason that ties into the last one: a lot of my friends are inactive with me not having any way to reach out, and that makes meeee very sadddd 😔 So if anyone I've met happens to see this:

...heyyy 🤪 I hope you got something out of this post,,,, like I said before, I'm unmedicated and have been very scatterbrained recently, but I tried to make this as cohesive as possible 😭 guess to end this off I'll link some other socials:

My side blog: rasp-passion-two

(Also pretty inactive on there, but if you wanna see what I've been into lately, that's the spot (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ I'm pretty sure I never ended up sharing it fsr lol)

My discord: rasp-passion tea#5877

(I'm not active in servers anymore cuz I think I grew out of using discord, but if you wanna chat? Let's chat (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ we could also do it on here but vsiwjsisvqisgwu)

...that's it lol. I think I'm kind of an enigma on here now, but thats alright. Uhhhh not sure how to "close" this off, so I guess I'll just say: if you read this whole thing?

🤍🖤🩶

^me rn

I'll see you all when I see you, but I'll always be here!!

~Tayah, AKA Rasp (and yes, it's pronounced "Razz" 😤👋🏽)

[luckyladylily]

Yeah I've seen this post going around and it's about as wrong as you can get.

This is what y'all don't get. The core of the site is blogging to us. Not to the company that owns tumblr. To the company that owns tumblr, the core of tumblr is an advertisement platform - the same core that all the major social media platforms currently use.

See, here's the thing. Besides tumblr live, almost every major push on the site for the past three years has been one form or another of alternate monitization - searching for a non advertisement based income model to at least supplement the core advertisement model. Them "scaling back" on their "previous approach" means they gave up on alternate monetization. They've given up on selling tumblr to us. So now we go back to the core, default assumption of all social media, the users are the product you sell to advertisers.

But you don't have to take my word for it. Just wait a few months, and if we don't get more random nonsense trying to sell stuff to the users, then you know. If we don't get more stuff like blaze or subscriptions or check marks or merch, then you know. (And how long has it been since tumblr has tried to sell us some new pointless boondoggle for 3 bucks? Been a while now, hasn't it?)

What people somehow are overlooking is that a company doesn't cut half the development staff when they believe in developing the long term viability of a piece of software that is currently unprofitable. You cut half your development staff when you've given up on a piece of software and you are prepping it to look good for a sale to another company. Part of that is keeping the current user base mostly intact, and they will tell you whatever PR speak and lies they feel like in service of that goal.

Tumblr is unprofitable. They've significantly cut their dev staff, apparently given up on developing tumblr into an actually profitable site. They are not going to pay $30 million dollars a year for us to have a free ride forever. If they don't successfully sell tumblr the site goes away in a couple years. If they had not cut the dev staff so heavily I would entertain other ideas but there is no universe in which you cut half the development staff of a site you are trying to develop into something profitable.

Now I'm sticking around til the servers shut off, but in the mean time there is no reason not to look at other options. Get alternate contact methods for anyone you care to keep on communication with. Save posts you care about and back up anything you want to keep.

Tumblr might get sold and someone new will be stuck with the idiot ball trying to make this site profitable for 2-5 years, but don't count on it. Nothing lasts forever.

THis news is better than gay sex