#I thought it fit Syd though

[sydbarrettism]

u posted abt roger and david being able to get into a “mac and dennis move to the suburbs” kind of situation and i am just curious as to who u think fits as which character, if either can really fit into either character LOL

ROGER IS FIRMLY DENNIS IN MY MIND LIKE,, HE'S JUST SOOOO DENNIS-CORE TO ME.. we are not going to mention how dennis is my fav character and i really Really REALLY like roger. david is mac methinks but thinking more about it i can see other members having mac's role (maybe not nick he's too chill for that)

[barcaatthemoon]

american beauty || lena oberdorf x reader ||

Lena doesn't know that you speak German.

"Sydney, put me down!" you squealed loudly as your best friend picked you up. She had her arms wrapped tightly around your waist, moving you back and forth as the two of you began to laugh. It had been a long time since you had gotten to see her in person, but now that you were free from college, you had signed to Bayern's senior team.

"No way, it's been over a year since you came to visit last. I deserve this," Sydney muttered as she buried her face in the crook of your neck. There was nobody in the world outside of your family that you loved as much as Sydney. Once upon a time you had harbored the biggest crush on her, but the two of you had learned quickly how hard distance was on young love and decided to stay friends. Now that you were back, a part of you was curious, but you were both more than content to stay friends.

"I have to go in and take pictures for the signing," you told her. Reluctantly, Sydney did let you go to do your pre-training duties. As soon as you had walked away, Lena popped up right next to Sydney.

"Who was that?" Lena asked, trying hard to be subtle about her intentions. One look at the darker haired midfielder, and Sydney knew exactly what was going on. Lena was terrible at being subtle, and Sydney had heard all about Lena's struggles to find someone to spend time with since moving from Wolfsburg to Bayern. The girl she had been hooking up with was gone, and Sydney didn't blame Lena for wanting to go after you, but she wasn't going to make it easy at all.

"(Y/n) (Y/l/n), she's come over from America. You're pretty lucky she's here because she almost got drafted to the Courage," Sydney said. Lena made a face at that, knowing that you would have definitely gone for Feli. There had always been a little competition between the two of them. Lena didn't know how it happened, but it kept things interesting in their friendship. They never really fought over girls, and Lena didn't know what she would have done if Feli would have brought you over to Germany, only for you to be off limits to her.

"You don't like her, do you?" Lena asked. Sydney shook her head as they made their way into the locker room. "You guys didn't date, did you?"

"It was a very long time ago, and very briefly. I barely got a kiss before she was gone," Sydney said. Lena hummed at this, deciding then and there that she'd find a way to woo you. "Are you interested in her?"

"I mean, she's definitely pretty. Oh, and I'd hate to see an American lost here. It can be very confusing for foreigners, I should really try my best to be helpful." Sydney could see right through Lena's words. Sydney chuckled to herself, deciding that she'd let Lena act like an ass for a little while, knowing that you would be more than happy to settle Lena down a bit.

…

"Syd, your friend, she's American right?" Lena asked. Sydney glanced at both you and Lena before deciding to do something she thought would be funny.

"Yeah, (Y/n) is American," Sydney answered. Technically, she wasn't lying to Lena. You were born in Germany to American parents on a military base. That was why despite going to school in Germany, you spoke with an American accent. Lena didn't need to know all of that though.

"Great, wish me luck," Lena said. Sydney watched as Lena confidently hobbled over to you. Immediately, Sydney could see the look of attraction as your eyes settled on Lena. That had surprised Sydney a little bit, not having expected for you to also be down bad for Lena. "Hi, I'm Lena, but my friends call me Obi."

"Ah, like the Jedi, nice. I'm (Y/n), unfortunately no cool nicknames," you told her.

"How about wunderschon?" Lena asked. She leaned towards you a little, enough for you to blame your blush on her proximity. "I think it's very fitting. Sydney told me that you're American. I'd love to show you around sometime."

"You aren't gonna just find another pretty girl to show around if I say no, are you?" you asked.

"Of course not, only you wunderschon," Lena said. You smiled and squeezed her hand gently before stepping away. "Is that a yes?"

"Ja, das wurde mir wirklich gefallen. Es ist schon eine Weile her, seit ich das letzte Mal hier war." Lena's jaw dropped at the fluent German coming from your lips. She glanced back at Sydney, who had the biggest shit eating grin on her face, just barely holding back laughter. "You're very smooth, even if it wouldn't hurt to tone it down a bit."

"Noted," Lena mumbled as she turned away from you.

"Hey, don't feel bad. I wouldn't have agreed to run around the city with you if I didn't like you," you told her. At that, Lena perked up a bit, despite feeling rightfully embarrassed.

[dollya-robinprotector]

Wait so in the Homestead AU you said Sydney is going to "walk on Jordan's path" hence the loose long blond hair iirc. So does that mean he didn't get corrupted by Lya in that AU?

I assume you mean if he was corrupted he can't fit for Jordan's role anymore? Like what the Bishop told PC when they met for the first time if PC had corrupted Sydney if I remember it right?

The answer is that Syd is still corrupted. When I was building that AU advanced Temple content wasn't dropped, so I just thought he could take on something like a chastity vow and work with it. Lya said she really liked his strawberry blond hair, so he didn't dye it. He did ditch the glasses though, cuz contact lenses were more convenient.

Also, I really want him to work something out with Kylar, so their bond can be reconnected and he doesn't need the black hair thing to remember their friendship anymore. I made them stay in town for reasons.

[katelynnwrites]

Oh I’ll Turn My Grey Skies (Blue) | Laura Freigang

warnings: laura's injury :(

word count: 1108

summary: due to her injury, your girlfriend comes home from national camp early

a/n: had to write something fluffy about it 😔

You’ve just finished putting away the groceries when Laura calls.

Which strikes you as odd because she never calls, always choosing to FaceTime due to her fervent claims of needing to see you smile at least once a day.

The other part that is strange is that your girlfriend is calling you in the middle of the day. She rarely does that during international breaks, really only having the time to talk to you properly when she’s getting ready for bed.

‘Schatz?’ You question anxiously as soon as you pick up the phone.

‘Hi.’

‘What’s wrong?’

Biting down on your lip, you cross your fingers and hope the sinking feeling in your stomach is unwarranted. The forward had video called you just last night and she had been alright then so she had to be okay now right?

Her voice is soft when she asks, ‘How open are you to having a little stay in movie date night today?’

‘Today?’ You double check.

‘Mhm.’

‘Laura what’s going on?’

‘I kinda sorta got hurt a tiny bit so I’m leaving camp early.’ She sheepishly admits.

‘Oh schatz.’ You breathe.

Practically sensing your worry, the blonde quickly explains, ‘I’m okay really! I just landed stupidly on my shoulder so the medical staff here thought it best that I come back to Frankfurt early, to get it properly checked out.’

‘I’m sorry. I know you were looking forward to the international break.’

‘It fucking sucks.’ Laura sighs.

Though there is cheerfulness in her tone when she adds, ‘But I get to come home to you sooner! And have our date night?’

‘Yeah we can have our date night.’

Your girlfriend makes a pleased noise and a smile plays on your lips when you hear it.

‘When does your flight land schatz? Do you want me to come pick you up?’

‘Yes please. That would be sweet of you.’ Laura happily says.

There’s some muffled sounds on her end of the call and then her voice comes through again, ‘I’ll text you the details. Syd’s here to help me pack the last of my things now so I need to go but I will see you real soon okay?’

‘See you in a bit. I love you Lau.’

‘Love you more.’ She answers, hanging up before you get a chance to protest.

******

Laura has a sheepish smile on her face when you see her waiting for you at the airport arrivals.

‘Hi.’ You breathe.

‘I missed you.’ She softly greets.

‘I missed you too schatz.’

The blonde’s arm is in a sling and you can’t help but uneasily glance her over, wondering if you are missing anything else.

‘Hey I’m alright. It looks worse than it is, I promise.’

‘You sure?’ You ask, touching her bandaged arm lightly.

Your girlfriend nods, ‘Completely. In a few weeks, I’ll be back to scoring goals again.’

A giggle escapes you, ‘I see you’re confident.’

The blonde winks at you, ‘Isn’t that why you love me?’

‘More than just because of that but yes I love you Laura.’

Your words are nothing but honest and the German woman can’t help the slight pink tint that rises in her cheeks.

‘Let’s go home schatz.’ You whisper, as you grab the handle of her suitcase.

The striker begins to argue that you don’t need to get her suitcase but you give her a stubborn look and she relents.

Slipping her uninjured hand into yours, she murmurs, ‘Okay let’s go home.’

******

Your girlfriend has made herself very comfortable, practically fitting perfectly into your side as she dips into the bowl of snacks you both are sharing.

Her eyes are on the movie that is playing but yours are on her.

Absent-mindedly, you comb your fingers through her hair and she leans even further into you.

‘Schatz?’

Laura hums, turning to look at you questioningly.

Gently, you say, ‘You don’t have to pretend with me. It’s okay if you aren’t okay. You are allowed to be upset.’

The blonde sighs loudly.

‘I know and I’m not upset. Not really. Just frustrated at the timing of it all.’

Carefully, you press a kiss onto the side of her head, abundantly aware of how your girlfriend struggles with her lack of playing time on the national team. With Poppi out injured, you know she had been hoping for a chance to prove herself against both Austria and Iceland.

‘I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, you played incredibly well. I’m proud of you schatz. Is there anything I can do to help??

A small smile plays on the forward’s lips as she whispers, ‘You can kiss me.’

You giggle, doing as she requests immediately.

One kiss, two kisses, three kisses. A lifetime of kisses is what you will happily give Laura if she wants it.

Being careful of her injured shoulder, you angle yourself so that you are in a better position to kiss her safely, slipping your hand to cup the back of her neck while your other hand rests lightly on her cheek.

Your girlfriend begins to smile into your shared kisses, the two of you stealing quick breaths in between them.

‘Love your kisses. Love you.’ She eventually mumbles, her blue gray eyes shining.

‘I love you too.’

Laura leans in close to give you a kiss of her own.

When she pulls away, she has a sort of vulnerable look on her face.

‘Would it be too much or too silly if I were to ask you to kiss my shoulder better?’ She barely audibly requests.

‘Not at all.’ You reassure.

Very gently, you get her sling off and replace its support with your hand,

Laura’s gaze never leaves you as you tenderly touch your lips onto where her bandage is thickest, knowing that it is where she feels the most pain.

She’s been placing her free hand over it every now and then, during the movie, with a frown of discomfort etched on her face.

The striker did not think you had noticed but now she chokes up a little as she realises you have.

‘Did it work?’ You check.

Completely taken by you, Laura nods.

She can’t explain it but it does, the ache and soreness having receded a fractional amount.

‘Good.’

Easing your girlfriend’s arm back into her sling, you give her one more affectionate kiss.

‘Anything more you need and you let me know okay? I’m here for you Lau.’

‘I know. I know.’

Laura shifts so that she’s in your arms, content to simply be in your embrace for the moment.

Forever really because it is home to her.

You are home to her.

German Translation:

schatz - sweetheart

[whenmemorydies]

Ok so I definitely panicked cos of that episode list for season 3 of The Bear, particularly the thought of Syd getting poached….

But then I remembered 1x03 Brigade and what Sydney said in my favourite Sydcarmy scene in this whole show:

You know I think this place could be so different from all the other places we've been at. But in order for that to be true, we need to run things different.

The reason I’m here and not working somewhere else, or for someone else, is ‘cause I think I can stand out here. I can make a difference here. We could share ideas. I could implement things that make this place better, and I don’t wanna be wasting my time, working on another line or tweezing herbs on a dish that I don’t care about, or, or, or running brunch, God forbid.

And later in 1x05 Sheridan...

[I]t was the first time I didn't have a complete and utter psychopath behind me screaming and pushing and yelling.

Something tells me that Ever's "fuck you Garrett!" CDC is not gonna fit Sydney's bill.

She's invested too much time, energy and love into making The Bear that different place she was talking about in 1x03, to walk away from it this season. And even though Carmy can be a whole ass misguided idiot, he's shown that he can change - and is changing. And he doesn't want to replicate what he went through at EMP at The Bear either.

I think we're safe folks. Its gonna be hell getting there but I think season 3 is going to end well.

Bonus (cos 1x03 is absolutely where these two moved from coworkers with chemistry to friends with chemistry):

[carmyberzattosjournal]

Entry 11: Fistful of Tacks

Bearblr Promptober Day 11: Corn Maze

Summary: Carmen's girlfriend (who he refers to as Darling) joins the kitchen crew on a trip to a corn maze and pumpkin patch that Nat organized, and Carmen is struggle bussing. (Feat. Sydney, Marcus, mentions of Tina, Richie, Eva, Nat, Pete, Nat's daughter)

Warnings: Anxiety, self-worth issues, mentions of disordered eating, mentions of nausea, mentions of panic attacks, swearing, fem reader who is a trauma surgeon (nothing gross described), she/her pronouns, mentions of The Devil (Chef David)

Notes: All journal entries will be titled as such and tagged with #cb journal.

Thank you for reading. Thank you to @carmenberzattosgf for putting together this prompt list.

11 Oct 2024

Why the fuck do people like corn mazes?

No, thank you, I don’t feel like getting lost in fucking corn with a bunch of random people for hours; I could be doing so much more with my time. It’s corn. It invades everything in the Midwest already, for what purpose would you want to intentionally seek out more of that invasion? Getting some freshly-harvested corn for grilled corn, corn chowder, creamy corn sauce with gnocchi, I’m pretty sure Marcus could make a killer sweet cornbread crumble-type thing—sure, I’ll haul my ass to the nearest fucking cornfield—

“Is that a no on the corn maze then…?”

“It’s a fuck no on the corn maze, Syd.”

—But no, I’m not doing a damned corn maze.

Syd recoiled. “Oh. Alright, okay, Jesus. Sorry for bothering you.”

Darling hugged my arm tighter and pouted. “Aw, but I did them with my grandma all the time when I was little. They were so fun.”

I covered my eyes and dug my thumb and fingers into my temples to stave off the dull ache forming in my frontal lobe. “I don’t feel like getting lost in corn.”

Syd. “You just follow the left wall, though.”

Marcus joined us at our table. “You do what now?”

“That’s how you solve mazes, you follow the left wall.”

“Huh.” His voice drew closer to my ear. “You okay, Chef?”

I nodded. Still had my palm over my face. It wasn’t the loudest it could’ve been—again, we beat a lot of families with kids, who tended to show up after 2 pm, according to the people who ran the pumpkin patch and corn maze, and Chicago decided that particular Sunday would be the respite day of hell-with-some-respite season, so it wasn’t murderously hot or humid out. Richie and Tiff were off co-parenting Eva in the pumpkin patch, so that meant I didn’t have to listen to his bullshit—though, admittedly, he was much less bullshit since his stint at Ever, even if we hit that snag after Friends and Family where I thought about launching knives at him every time he happened to be within striking distance.

Boy, am I glad I’m too much of a coward to actually act like the animal I sound like sometimes.

Nat organized something of a family and friends’ get-together to celebrate half a year of being open as a restaurant—and maybe to force us all to take a bit of a break now that we weren’t looking at a bad week potentially shuttering us. I brought it up to Darling not expecting her to jump at the prospect of meeting the whole group—should’ve known, she’s a social butterfly, and, if I was being honest, it was the primary reason I asked. So, she could help buffer in a social setting. These were people I worked with, would take a bullet for, but outside the restaurant, I had barely any social footing. And I wanted to. Have social footing, that is. Darling liked being around people, and while she never complained about me wanting our time together to be our time together, something nagged at me to at least be able to tolerate socializing.

We met up and poked around the market they had nearby for some small decorations we could put in the restaurant that fit the season. Little things that locals made by hand—a macrame wall-hanging, little ceramic pumpkins with paper florals arranged in them, some planters. The planters were Syd’s idea. Bring a bit of greenery to the four-tops. Tina was fawning over Sug and Pete’s baby while they took pictures of her first fall. Or. Something. I don’t know, I had too much on my mind and my head was killing me before we even made it to the pumpkin patch and corn maze. Darling suggested we stop for a bite to eat, sit at the covered tables to get out of the sun for a bit.

She’s smart like that.

We weren’t doing the best with our margins. I forwent being paid to make sure Syd made enough to keep her apartment, and even she was making sacrifices in her pay to make sure front-of-house didn’t get shafted. About 2 weeks ago, my apartment's stove goes, then two of the radiators do, and the landlord—an aside here: fuck landlords. I hope hell exists so landlords can burn in them with me.—anyway, the landlord is being a shit about it, so I’ve been crashing at Darling’s place. But then her range and oven also go to the shitter, like, 3 days later?

Like I said: fuck landlords.

Which means I’m on week two of having to rely on overnight oats and fucking granola bars, family, and takeout or unviable food from service that’s still at least calories, and because we’re getting this shit dialed, that usually means scraps. If any. And you’d think a motherfucker like me who got his shit kicked in when working in New York would be able to tolerate eating literally anything, but that’s the thing—I already did this shit, and it’s already fucked me up. I can’t even get it down anymore without my arms and legs exploding in goosebumps. Without seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling Empire and The Devil all over again. Half the time, I just go hungry and ignore the pangs in my stomach until I get caught up enough in work that I forget about eating, and then whoops, 14 hours have gone by and I haven’t eaten a thing and bile surges at the base of my throat and my eyes water, I can’t breathe. And I get to Darling’s place with what used to be a local favorite, and four bites in, I’m so sure I’m going to throw up because it just tastes like stomach acid and my guts are twisting into knots from anxiety anyway.

Something slid across the table in front of me, and two breaths later, the scent of grilled meat, pepper, vinegar, onions, and mustard filled my nose. My jaw stung as my mouth watered. Darling untangled an arm from around mine and rubbed across my shoulder blades.

“How about we try to eat something, hm?” she cooed.

I picked the pickles off the Chicago dog before inhaling a third of it in one bite. Goosebumps exploded under my jacket.

“Wow, how’d you do that?” Syd asked.

“How’d I do what?”

“Get him to do, uh, anything?”

“Fuck off, Syd,” I said through a mouthful of food.

She snorted into her apple cider.

“Sweetheart,” Darling warned, punctuating it by raking her fingers through my hair to get it off my forehead.

“She did not just call you ‘sweetheart.’” Syd again. I could hear her smiling.

My face flooded with warmth.

God fucking dammit.

Thankfully, Marcus spoke up. “Come on, let ‘em have it or we’re gonna torment you when you find yourself someone nice.”

“Like hell you are!”

“Oh, I’ll remember! Karma, baby!”

Syd let out a huff of a laugh. I wish I would’ve seen her face to get a better sense of how she felt about the idea of letting someone into her life. It’s strange, really, how similar yet different we were, like two clippings taken from the same tree, planted in different pots, placed in different homes. There’s this deep, unidentifiable thread of connection that I feel with her—and she feels with me, I’m sure of it because how else could she call my bullshit for what it was while still preserving the feeling of safety that eluded me everywhere else but a locked room or, sparingly, though getting more frequent, in Darling’s arms? Sort of like a family member you haven’t seen in an eternity but you know would have your back in an instant if you got into trouble. If I’d found out we were twins separated at birth, I wouldn’t question it for a second. And I doubt I’d want to protect her any differently.

She’s got that fire in her eyes that I used to see in my own when I stared into my reflection back in Copenhagen. Feels like an entire lifetime ago (Darling told me that trauma can make time feel like it’s not real, and I’m only finding more and more reason to never doubt the woman) but, back then, I did want something out of cooking that went beyond flipping Mikey the bird. It wasn’t that I wanted the best chef title or even a bullshit star, I wanted to prove something to myself. I wanted to throw a fistful of tacks back at that persistent, shitty voice in my head that kept telling me that I’d never do much, never make a thing of myself. I never did well in school, I didn’t get into college, I didn’t have any friends, I wasn't funny, I couldn’t help my mom, I couldn’t stop Sugar from going mad, I couldn’t keep up with Mikey, I couldn’t ask Claire out, I never made it past districts in wrestling—I was good for fuck all, and that stupid fucking phonograph reminding me of all the shit I couldn’t or didn’t do wouldn’t shut. The fuck. Up.

Syd’s got that fire in her eyes. Syd’s got that passion that I wanted, that I found for a brief stint before The Devil sunk his claws into me. And yeah, I could do fuck all to protect Mikey from his own demons or Sugar from mom’s, but I will glass this planet before I let it stamp out her flames. And doing it like I did? By cutting out people and burying myself neck-deep in the craft of food? Would I stand by and let her do that to herself, too?

Darling erupting into a giggle fit brought me back to the pumpkin patch.

“It looks like it’s got a big ol’ pot belly—look at it!” Syd pointed at a pumpkin with a large lump in it and did an exaggerated walk with her arms up and her cheeks puffed out. Eva giggled at her antics. Darling and I were a bit away from the others as they discussed... something about the pumpkins, I couldn’t even begin to figure out what. I glanced around, tried to get a sense of where and when I was.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Darling murmured, circling around in front of me and taking my face in her hands. “There you are. Where’d you go?”

Her hands were cool, familiar, grounding. I didn’t feel like I was boiling in my skin, which had to be a good sign, right?

“How-how long, uh...?”

She shrugged as Cousin, Eva, Tiff, Syd, and Marcus laughed again. “15 minutes, maybe.”

“Why-why didn’t you snap me out of it?”

“Well, you did eat your food. I figured it probably was a good idea not to interrupt that. And you weren’t warm. Or shaky. Or upset.” She finger-combed my hair back again. “I figured it wouldn’t be the worst thing to let you process for a bit... We gotta do something about your hair, baby.”

“Yeah, I need to get it cut.”

She shook her head. “I don’t think you need to—unless it’s bothering you. But you should put something in it.” Some strands got caught on her fingers, and I flinched at the sting. “Ope, sorry. It’s starting to get crispy on the ends.”

I eyeballed the sign pointing to the entrance of the corn maze while she picked through more knots in my hair.

She kissed my cheek. “What’cha thinking, handsome?”

“How long do you think the corn maze would take us?”

“Um. Hm.” She wrapped her arms around my waist and tucked her head under my chin. I forgot about the friends and family present and hugged her back. Kissed the top of her head. “Maybe an hour. Why?”

“I’d like to try it.” It came out like a question.

My phone dinged.

She pulled back and beamed at me. “Yeah? You sure?”

Her excitement wrenched a smile from me, too. How could I not? She was adorable.

“Yeah. Just need some quiet time.”

She took off for the maze, and I followed. Glanced at my phone to make sure it wasn’t something important.

2 messages from Sugar.

A photo of the two of us hugging, followed by a message saying, “You two are so cute. I'm proud of you, Bear.”

I stopped, glanced back at her. She was holding her daughter, giant smile on her face, in the middle of pocketing her phone. She tipped her head in the direction of the maze and mouthed “Go.”

I saved the photo to my favorites album and headed to the corn maze.

[noforkingclue]

Hey there! I’m back again with another request (only if you want to write it though!)

I was looking at the prompts you reblogged and thought that this one: "i know what having a crush feels like and this is nothing close..." "have you considered that it's because this is more than just a crush?" "stop talking." might be one that could work for either Tommy Shelby or Carmy from The Bear — whichever you feel it fits better with!!

I look forward to seeing who you choose! Thanks so much in advance if you choose to write it! 🥰

Of course I want to write this!!! I went with Carmy for this because the prompt gave me a chance to torture him slightly...

I hope you like the fic :)

Title: Misunderstandings

Prompt list: list

Everything tag list: @greenrevolutionary, @byebyebreezywrites, @spngingerbread21, @layazul, @lov3vivian, @simonsbluee

“Thanks Syd,” you said as you shrugged on your coat, “I really appreciate this. I owe you one big time.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Syd said rolling her eyes but you could see the smile on your face, “you do owe me one.”

“Oi,” you paused just as you were about to leave, “where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

You looked over your shoulder and grinned at Richie. He gave you an unimpressed loo and tossed you a cloth.

“You going to fucking help us clear up or not?” he asked

“Can’t tonight.”

“I thought we’re a fucking team now?”

“Syd let me leave early as long as I come in early another day.”

You tossed the cloth back at him and Richie caught it onehanded.

“And also when did you actually help with closing?”

“I’m always here.” Richie said

“Sitting down and criticising our work isn’t ‘helping’. Now I’ve really got to be going.”

A chorus of goodbyes came from the others. You briefly made eye contact with Carmy and gave him a small smile. He quickly looked away and disappeared into the back. You felt a pang of sadness course through you. However, you didn’t have time to dwell on it. You were going to be late if you didn’t leave.

“So,” Richie turned to Syd after you had gone, “why the fuck was she allowed to leave early?”

“She didn’t say. Although it could be a date.”

A crash from the kitchen made everyone look over. Carmy stumbled out, face red when he realised that everyone was staring at him. The smirk of Richie’s face seemed to widen at the revelation of why Carmy had been hiding.

“A date,” Richie said, “well she kept that fucking quiet. Doesn’t she trust us?”

“Maybe it’s because it’s none of our fucking business.” Carmy said

“I thought you’d be interested in this, cousin.”

“Why the fuck would you think that?”

“With your massive fucking crush on her? Thought you’d want to know who your competition is.”

“I don’t have a fucking crush on her.”

Richie let out a snort of disbelief and Syd raised her eyebrows. A ripple of laughter rose from the others at Carmy’s denial.

“Nah,” Richie shook his head, “we can all fucking see it.”

“I know what having a crush feels like,” Carmy snapped, “and this is nothing close.”

“Have you considered that it’s because this is more than just a crush?” said Marcus

Carmy’s attention snapped over to Marcus who shrugged in acknowledgement.

“Shut up.” Carmy said but the words came out slightly choked

Immediately the rest of the staff burst out laughing. Richie tossed the cleaning cloth of Carmy and said,

“Then why the fuck don’t you go after her?”

“You think you’re in place to give him relationship advice?” said Tina

“And why the fuck can’t I?”

“She’s going on a date,” said Marcus, “You can’t do that when she’s about to see someone else.”

“She should’ve taken him here,” said Richie, “then you could see what you’re dealing with, cousin.”

“Why the fuck would she bring a date to work? That would be a shit date.” said Syd, “See, this is why we shouldn’t listen to you when it comes to these things.”

“Shut the fuck up!”

Carmy leant against the wall and ran a hand over his face as his staff dissolved into arguing. Was his feelings for you really that obvious? Clearly he hadn’t been doing as good of a job of hiding them as he originally thought.

“Besides, we don’t even know if she’s going on a date.” Syd’s voice echoed above the noise

“Wait, who’s going on a date and why didn’t anyone let me know about the gossip?”

Silence fell and everyone glanced towards the door. Carmy’s felt the blush slowly creep up his neck as the two of you locked gazes.

“Turns out my sister isn’t feeling well so we had to cancel our plans,” you said, “so I came back to pull my weight! So, who’s going to tell me what’s been going on?”

[papaziggy-devblog]

What would your RO's options be of the DoL RO's?

This is going to take so long why would you do this to me? OTL

Harper:

Kylar: Probably similar to Xavier... Bully but more in a cousin-ly sort of way... Would play games with, Would carry by the scruff like a stray cat

Whitney: On sight, throwing hands, no questions asked

Sydney: Makes Harper itchy :\

Robin: Who's lost child is this? Doesn't know really what to do with him... Would default to playing fortnight with... Possibly friends on Roblox?

Avery: Thinks he's weird, is loaded himself so not impressed, which I'd imagine would annoy Avery

Eden: Would probably never meet unless Eden lived near the camp cause Harper would never willingly spend any amount of time in the woods unless it involved MC

Alex: Probably banned from the farm for saying 'I wanna be a cooowboyy baby' one too many times

Malik

Kylar: "Oh great.. another fuckin' weirdo"

Whitney: Avoids if possible but probably has been targeted a few times, has probably tricked him into eating laxities at one point as retaliation

Sydney: Is chill with... C!Syd would probably fit into the friend group p alright, always returns his science textbooks at the very last second though

Robin: Goes older brother mode

Avery: Doesn't even bother, hates guys like Avery

Eden: Would 100% avoid at all cost

Alex: Don't really have any strong opinions on

Gavin

Kylar: Feels kinda bad he's always alone... probably would try to interact with? Check up on here and there? You ok buddy?

Whitney: Would be absolutely terrified of... would avoid at all cost

Sydney: Would hit on both P! and C!

Robin: Would help with the lemonade stand

Avery: Feels very uneasy around

Eden: Also terrified of

Alex: Not allowed on the farm anymore, but only cause the chickens bully him too much

Sophie

Kylar: Also feels kinda bad he's always alone... maybe brings him a snack here and there

Whitney: Whitney very quickly realized he was out of his depth.. For once, pray for this man

Sydney: Thinks he's a sweetheart! Would be gentle with him <3.... Would not be gentle with C!Syd cause he's freaky like that... On a related note, is probably Sirris' #1 customer

Robin: Goes mom-friend mode, maybe dotes a little too much though

Avery: Avery wishes he could handle her

Eden: Would feel a bit bad about him being all alone in the woods, might also go mom-mode with, the thought of tiny little Sophie scolding him makes me giggle

Alex: Would think he's nice, I could see her liking to help with the animals

Cammie

Kylar: Is creeped out by him, stays away as far as possible

Whitney: Like Gavin, is terrified of him, avoids at all cost

Sydney: Thinks he's really nice! Would be very easily flustered by C!Syd though

Robin: Would probably get along the best with tbh, I see them being sweet friends uvu

Avery: Ducking through alleyways to avoid, leave her alone pls

Eden: Is never stepping foot in the forest ever again qvo

Alex: I could see her volunteering at the farm! Probably helping with smaller livestock

Jazz

Kylar: Keeps a close eye on him, very suspicious

Whitney: Having absolutely none of his BS... Probably suplexes him at one point

Sydney: No strong opinions of, happy he's not much of a trouble maker

Robin: .... Are we sure this isn't one of the campers?

Avery: Shoots him down point blank and tells him to piss off

Eden: Battle for dominance lmao

Alex: Probably has some sort of deal going where campers can come to his farm for educational stuff

Dante

Kylar: 'ThatBoyAin'tRight'

Whitney: Has probably punched him out

Sydney: No strong opinions of tbh

Robin: Dad mode

Avery: Just turns and walks away without saying anything

Eden: Staring into the camera like in the office

Alex: Don't really see much interaction between the two

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Apologies

IMO Carmy apologizes just fine and not just to Syd, has always done that actually.

Sometimes he just admits his wrongdoing though, and this tone was set very early in the relationship.

This is almost better than saying "I'm sorry" if you ask me BUT only if followed by an actual change in behavior. THAT'S THE PART HE FALLS SHORT AT, NOT THE APOLOGIES PER SE. (keep reading if you wanna know why because there’s a scientific explanation for that, it’s not his fault yet it is his responsibility to overcome it)

Brigade | 01x03

Braciole | 01x08

Braciole | 01x08

OK, OK! He didn't say "I'm sorry", true. He just admitted his behavior was not OK, which still counts. And then he tried to redeem himself by offering to share his lifelong dream with her. Whether that's even better than an apology or not, I'm not willing to debate, some may think it might be. I'm not one of them, I think a change in behavior is the best apology

BUT to be fair:

Syd didn't apologize either for leaving the take-out option ON, she just offered him a second chance, which means that at that point neither one of them were apologizing with words, they were BOTH using actions instead.

The reason being, the feelings that started brewing beneath the surface, they didn't wanna acknowledge them, they deliberately chose not to and intended to move on. The decision was made. They decided to "keep it profesh", thus they couldn't voice them out because if they did they were gonna upgrade them to "real/official" and they were nowhere ready for that nor were they willing to do it, for that matter. So, in fact, at that point, they probably even decided they were never gonna be and gave up before even giving it a second thought.

In his case the progression of that was quite obvious:

<That's why C showed up shortly after, btw. It just fits the timeline they both tacitly started building since Braciole.>

AND BECAUSE LOVE FOR CARMY MEANS THIS↓

"It always gets fucked."

In her case, I can only guess because the sadist completely deprived us of her juicy background story pretty much, but I could bet an obscene amount of money on Syd having a similar idea of what love might entail, that's why no matter how loving and nurturing she is, she doesn't really let anyone in - refer to her tattoo for symbology pls -

She puts up walls:

More about that here:

Luckily in S3 they are getting flimsier by the minute, but still.

Back to his apologies

Pasta | 02x02

In Pasta he apologized and taught her the "Sorry" sign, even when he wasn't the one who did anything wrong because it was Syd who fucked up the lacto ferment.

Then he did apologize when appropriate a few days later:

Sundae | 02x03

Bolognese | 02x08

Omelette | 02x09

Omelette | 02x09

The Bear | 02x10

Tomorrow | 03x01

Apologies | 03x09

So as you can clearly see, he has no problem apologizing to anyone when he means it, his problem starts after the apology because even when he meant it, even when he's truly repentant, he fucks up, which IMPO is actually a trauma response → linked to his C-PTSD to be more precise. He self-boycotts because his brain is wired that way after years of enduring abuse. Meaning, Carmy has ABI (Abusive Brain Injury), which is a type of non-traumatic brain injury (although it could also be TBI if the abuse was also physical) that leads to damaged brain tissue resulting from years of consistent psychological and sometimes physical abuse, like the one he suffered when around Donna and Eleven Madison Dickhead. His 2 main abusers.

In other words, he's wired for failure till he overcomes his trauma, which as I keep saying, will happen in S4 because he has already started his healing process and had his breakthrought in 03x10.

You can read more about the correlation between ABI and abuse here.

Why he doesn't apologize to the C person?

Glad you asked, I already answered that question a while ago:

But it could also be because Syd didn't greenlight him in 03x01 or because C actually told him: "Never apologize". OR because:

I'm going to stick to the theory of it being a denial by-product, though, as I explained in the 1° meta above about GUILT being his main driver just because it's very IC of him. However, it wouldn't be a stretch if it were a combination of all these factors.

Bonus track: He doesn't have a problem with saying ILY either (if he really means it that is, he won't take it lightly), the problem is being on the receiving end of those words because they usually are the preface of a very painful story for him, a story where he usually ends up getting hurt and disappointed.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[equallyshaw]

through thick and thin, always | mat barzal

not too sure if i wanna do gif's or pictures like that above..trying something new out (:

warnings: mental health struggles and ed talk.

word count: 2.9k+

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

trigger warning: relapse in an eating disorder, but not to graphic! talks of therapy and past shame/guilt.

della's mental health struggles had been brewing for some time, long before she ever met mat. when she met mat, her mental health improved along with her self-esteem just by the sheer fact that she was dating somebody. however, this year's fall rolled around it seemed as if everyone, every situation, and herself were against her. with having the luxury of working from home 5 days a week, she was alone a lot and in turn, had oh so much time for her thoughts to feast on her self esteem. for the first time in almost 6 years she'd had the urge to restrict. she kept reminding herself that her habit got her nowhere all those years ago, but she had that hopeful optimism that it would be different this time. a few days before christmas, sydney was hosting a holiday party for the last game before christmas and she noticed something very off with her good friend. her friend drowned herself in the alcohol that was provided and not much of the food that sat out. della felt very uncomfortable, she felt like none of her clothes fit right over her bones and curves, she felt like the odd man out seeing everybody wearing the clothes she desperately wished she could, though knew she might never be able to. she thought about how mat looked at her, and what he thought of her physically. she felt like she wasn't good enough for him, even after almost three years together.

sydney watched as the girl sipped on her wine whilst looking out at the backyard as snow fell, and felt her heart fall. she made her way over, and wrapped an a soft arm around the girl's back. "you good, dells?" sydney asked and della nodded. "ofcourse, why wouldn't i be?" she mused putting on a fake smile. "well..you've barely watched the game and i just wanted to make sure you were good. that's all." sydney said and della nodded. "yeah! sorry, been busy with work and just trying to clear my head a bit." della said, the perfect smile enchanting her pale skin. sydney nodded, "well lets go to the kitchen, the girls are snacking away right now." and della frowned. "i-i think im heading out now. i have a deadline tomorrow and i wanna make sure i have it done on time." della said as the two walked towards the kitchen. "oh, okay. no worries, please let me know when you get home." sydney said pulling her into a hug. one that della needed desperately after a 2 week road trip. "ofcourse, syd." della hummed before putting on her coat and walking outside. della quickly made her way to the car, feeling her headache grow as the alcohol was continuously hitting her empty stomach. she sighed, as she got into the car and chewed on her lip. she looked at her lap, and felt the tears finally poured over onto her cheeks. she made her way back to her townhouse a few neighborhoods over and sat in the garage that seemed like an hour.

her mind and thoughts were racing with what she did that evening, how much she drank, and spoke, how many excuses she made and white lies that were said. she thought about how sydney had looked at her, with pity? remorse? concern? della did not have much more time to think before her phone began to ring. mat's name popped up and she let it go to voicemail, most likely wondering where she was. she had said she'd be at syd's for the evening and some of the guys were stopping by there afterward.

for the first time in years, she truly hated herself. hated how she looked to herself and to others. her body dysmorphia crippling her once more. she got out of the car, and headed inside and was greeted by her corgi, 'poppy' and quickly kneeled down to be on her level. she curled up into a ball with poppy and sobbed. realizing how bad it was getting again, and it made her guilty because of how much progress she'd made. "why poppy? why does it always have to come back at the worst times?" della mumbled, as poppy laid on her chest now. her phone began to ring again and a few texts came in, but della did not budge to look. she got up, ripping her coat off feeling suffocated. she threw it on the ground towards the garage door and headed towards the kitchen to grab more alcohol. as she was pouring herself some more wine, she heard a knock on her door. she sighed, walking over towards the front door saw her neighbor and now good friend lea. "saw you pull in, hun. brought some goodies over." and once della saw the dark chocolate peppermint bark, she knew she was a goner. "come on in." della hummed, and poppy quickly greeted the redhead. "whats the most expensive wine you own, doing out?" lea questioned as she walked into the kitchen and della nodded. "cuz the world hates me as much as i hate myself." she murmured and lea frowned. "is it bad again?" she questioned her friend and della nodded, looking down as her lip quivered. "have you told mat?" lea questioned softly and della shook her had. lea quickly wrapped her arms around her friend, allowing her to cry. "if i-i tell him, he'll break up with me. nobody wants to date somebody that is sick. that's so mentally fucked u-up." della sobbed and lea shook her head. "della, that man loves you. just absolutely adores you babe. you dont need to tell him tonight but please at some point.." lea trailed off and della knew she had to. "i just need to prepare myself for the chance he does though, i have too." della said pulling back just a bit and lea nodded softly. "ofcourse babes." and della eyed the bark. but instead, grabbed the wine bottle and glass and headed towards her bedroom with lea following with another glass and poppy.

_

it was the next morning, and della had the absolute worst hungover she'd had in a long while. with no food in her system, her stomach was also in shambles. lea was sound asleep on mat's side of the bed with poppy sleeping at their feet. the wine bottle sat empty next to della's side with a half bottle of tequila wiped clean. della rubbed her temples before feeling her stomach begin to churn. she quickly headed over towards the ensemble washroom and chucked the liquid coming up. she heaved for a few seconds before laying down face first on the cool tile. she growled as her phone begin to ring once more, and as it finished it began to ring once more. "fucking mat, leave us alone." lea said as she woke up, declining the call.

mat grew nervous and a bit frustrated with the call going to voicemail once more, he'd been trying all night and now morning with no luck. sydney had said she left in a hurry to finish up some work and made it seem like she wanted to be alone. mat wouldn't bother her unless she said something to him, not wanting to get in the way of her rapid deadlines. he made his way out of his condo and drove to get some coffee and a breakfast sandwich for the girl before heading over to her place. if she wasn't going to pick up, he'd be going to her.

della walked downstairs with lea, carrying the glasses and alcohol bottles down with them. the bark lay uneaten on the counter, and della had the urge to grab the tin and stuff her mouth with as much as she could. she was fighting the urge to completely binge till her heart could content, and lea noticed. "ill keep this nice and cozy until you say something. ok?" lea said taking the tin and della sighed in content. "thanks." she mumbled, leaning over to feed poppy. "ill call you later, im gonna shower and see how far i last before i need to nap." della said hugging the redhead who nodded. "okay, let me know if you need anything. i mean it, you send the word and ill come running." she hummed and della giggled. "thanks lea." she said walking her to the front door, and as lea opened it she stopped frozen seeing the 6 foot hockey player at the door, his set of keys in his mouth as he tried to open the door. "morning barzal." lea said stepping across the threshold and past the tall dude. della did not say anything but open the door wider for him to enter. he stepped inside the warm house, pressing a kiss to her temple. and in doing so, noticed her under eye circles, her face looking gaunt and her eyes red and puffy. his eyebrows crinkled, as he set down the coffees and sandwiches on the table next to the door, concern flooding his entire body.

"della rae-" he said placing his hands softly on her pale cheeks, inspecting her from top to bottom. she'd lost weight, a good amount since the last time they had spent a substantial amount of time together; which was now almost a month ago. she shut her eyes not wanting to meet his questionable eye and worrying face. it was beginning to click for mat, and in the instant he realized, he pulled her in for a bone-crushing hug. fearing that if he let go, he'd lose her even more. she felt loose tears fall down her cheeks onto his shirt, and she let out a soft whimper. that only made him pull her in tighter. things were now clicking for him, why she was barely responding to his sister's text, why she was also not responding to his texts and phone calls like she once had. and finally, the suspicions that sydney had the previous evening, were correct. "im sorry matty." she whispered against his chest, and he pulled back just a bit to look at her. he shook his head as she looked up with fear written across her face. "im sorry im a mess...and that im sick. im so sorry." she said clenching her eyes shut whilst sniffling, with mat wiping her tears away. "never apologize della, don't apologize for this. it isn't your fault- at all. i promise you that." he said as she reopened her eyes. as guilt and hunger washed over her once more, she looked to the side and saw the coffees and then looked back at mat, "can i take those?" she mumbled and he nodded softly. "you don't ever have to ask, hun." he said as she stepped out of his arms and around him. she took the coffee and sandwich, holding them close to her chest and headed into the small living room that had a small library, fireplace, and a plush couch. mat followed suit with his and followed her into the room, sitting down next to her. but leaving just a bit of room between the two.

she stared at the sandwich bag, as she held the coffee straw near her lips wanting to fight the urge but knew she needed to eat. "i need help mat.." she said defeatedly as she stared at the bag. mat looked over with a worried look and demeanor, and took notice of the staredown she had with her coffee. he set his coffee down, and took her's as well, and placed it on the coffee table in front of them. he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. she took in the familiar warmth that he had. "im sorry I've been distant recently...i just have been so consumed with it all and because of it i've been exhausted." she said softly and mat kissed the top of her head. "i noticed something was off..when we went to thanksgiving with your family. i sensed something was off because every time i tried...tried looking at you you would look away or at the ground. it hurt me. it made me feel like you were embarrassed or guilty of something and i-i should have noticed it. and im sorry, i didn't." he said biting the inside of his cheek, trying to not cry. della's heart broke hearing how much it hurt him that she was very distant at thanksgiving. she was hoping he wouldn't notice and chalk it up to the many conversations she had found herself engrossed in.

"i love you della rae... nothing is going to change that. no matter how complicated this may get." he said feeling her tense up somewhat at his confession. she nodded into his chest, feeling him tighten his arms around her.

_

christmas, new years and valentines had rolled around with anxiety and apprehension as della progressed through therapy. after christmas, mat took the week leading up to new years off to be there for della as well as all star break + by week. della was grateful to have him in the house as she returned to work and basked in his presence before he headed back on the road. when he left, sydney and some of the other girls took turns coming over and bringing her out whenever she could. she accredited a lot to those girls, and added them to her list of why she should strive for recovery.

it was now playoffs time, and for the first time in a long while she was excited to head to a home game. when sydney had let the girls know that the jackets were being ordered, she jumped at the opportunity to get one. mat's heart was all fuzzy and warm when she showed him it right before they headed out. she did a little twirl for him and a few poses, before they shared a kiss. "oh!" he said remembering to grab what he'd been saving for some time, and as della headed out to start the car; mat ran to go get it.

the two made their way down to the arena and as she was about to drop mat at the players entrance, he paused and pulled out a letter of sorts for della. "i uh..I've been keeping this for a while not sure when to give it and whatnot, but seeing you tonight and how excited you were to put on the jacket which i know is something that you've been insecure about in the past.." he trailed off pausing to place the letter in her hands. "im so incredibly proud of how far you've come in these short few months, and i just wanted to write something down. i wasn't even going to give it to you but tonight, i just have this feeling of immense pride della rae. but uh..yeah ill see you later. ok?" he said placing a peck on her cheek. she smiled, watching him open the door and hop out. "good luck hun." she smiled widely and as mat looked at her once more, he saw the genuine smile he'd missed dearly. he nodded before shutting the door and heading towards the entrance. she pulled off into the family and friends parking lot and stared down at the letter. her heart swelled, just thinking about what the contents of the letter were.

she pulled it open softly and carefully, as to not rip the letter. she smiled softly at the handwritten note and read it slowly. words of encouragement, words of pride, and love. words of sadness and words of commitment. she sniffled as she finished it, completely taken back by it. she knew mat had felt all of these things, but seeing it in writing made her heart swell. he loved her deeply and without hesitation. she got out of the car and headed towards the private entrance and once sydney saw her walk through the box's entrance, she jumped up and down. della smiled as the others all made their way over to greet her. "picture time!" one of the girls cheered and sydney pulled her friend with her towards a spot in the back. "lookin good sista." she hummed and della smiled widely. pictures were taken, food was consumed along with alcohol and the up's and down's of playoff hockey was experienced that evening.

as soon as she saw mat walking into the box, she smiled widely before he kissed her quickly. "great game, matty." she said looking up at him and he smiled widely. a hard effort was fought, with a win now accredited towards the islanders. "lets head home." he said and the two walked hand in hand towards the car. mat opened the passenger door for her, and she thanked him before he shut the door.

she saw the letter sticking out of her purse, and she turned towards at who buckled. "thankyou for the letter mat, you have now idea how much i appreciate it." she said leaning over the console, and he met her in the middle. "through thick and thin always, my love will never falter for you della rae." he spoke softly before kissing the girl passionately. she melted into the kiss, before pulling away. "lets get home, we've got a lot to celebrate." she hummed running a soft thumb over his cheek.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

no tags just because its a sensitive topic!

[forcebutch]

hey man love ur work. just started t and trying to figure out if im a butch [currently id as bi but also not sure if i might be a lesbian] whos on t or if i might be like. an actual man. the thought of being a gay dude terrifies me but i cant tell if its scary bc im in denial or if its scary bc its not true.

i guess im wondering if u have any tips on figuring myself/shit out? i think part of it is feeling like i'll lose being butch if i'm also attracted to men?? any input or thoughts u may have are helpful tyy

i was gonna tell you you shouldnt source your info from porn blogs (and i should ABSOLUTELY NOT be your only source. i'm serious) but considering that i've been through that particular existential crisis multiple times i have some experience with it, let's do this anyways.

i am not even half as confident in my personal life as i am on this blog. my gender-sexuality is fluid and i do not fit nicely in categories, but that can feel like it leaves me either labelless or a liar. life as a gender-sexuality weirdo is not kind on anybody, and that pain really erodes away your concept of what parts of your self-image you are Allowed To Be, especially if you rely on others who agree with strict untouchable boundaries between genders and sexualities. frankly the strict no-touching model of gender-sexuality is really bad for questioning and gender/sexually fluid people. i think at some point in the 2010s we lost the idea of a queer spectrum and continued on with policed modes of gender-sexuality.

that's all theory, though. you can litigate your gender and sexuality to line up with cliquey queer ingroups or gender-apathetic academics or return-to-tradition het truscum until the cows come home and still never feel like yourself.

as my wife says, there's a reason science degrees require a number of lab hours. at some point you just gotta do it. no more theory: turn off brain, start. you have several hypotheses and they need some actual testing. flirt with somebody at a gay bar. do drag. buy syd sixx's or carta monir's t-masc-featured porn, take an edible, and have a night to yourself. watch an archived copy of bloodsisters with your pants off. fuck a friend who's gay in a different way than you. ask your partner to switch between calling you a good boy and a good butch in bed. call yourself a faggot while you're jacking it. 69 another gender outlaw. Do Something. you can figure out labels as you go.

[vasyandii]

Hi, Vasya! I’m sorry, if you wrote it somewhere and I just missed it, but I was wondering, what are Naks relationships with other Chimera members (ok, Krueger is obvious and I remember you writing about Syd). Is it ‘just business’ for her or are they her friends? What does she think of them? Thank you so much!

Hi Thank you so much for the Ask!! Im going to section out by each individual operator if that's okay (I'm really bad at explaining things so please bear with me ;-;)

NAK'S RELATIONSHIPS WITH CHIMERA MEMBERS (+How I think Nak would draw them)

Beforehand: These are just my personal Headcanons from how I interpret their characters and voicelines!

SYD

I briefly mentioned Syd being someone Nak views as an older sister figure in her Bio so I'd like to touch more on that-

Nak, She sees Syd as a sister because Syd's the first person she's comfortable enough to talk about her personal experiences and cares enough about her that Nak shows interest in what Syd as to say. For a long while didn't have a healthy support system before she fled Laos . Being introduced to Syd, she was reluctant and dismissive for the first week or so. However, seeing how Syd was trying to at least be on good terms with her, she thought it was safe enough to give it a chance.

Syd (from her voicelines) is outgoing, friendly, strong-willed, and determined. Nikolai probably asked her to intergrate Nak into the group. Both of them being from wealthy families of people with political/military influence is something they have in common. She understood to an extent why Nak had difficulty trusting people (Not including the whole Naga Trauma stuff) and was willing to take up the challenge.

They hang out during breaks, Nak gets to experience Normal life stuff like a Girls Night, doing her hair, going shopping.

YEGOR

Yegor, having 3 kids himself, probably has an instinct to protect and look out for those who are younger in the field (from His interactions with Rodion and his discomfort with using children during interrogation). He's lowkey concerned abt Nak because she's one of the youngest members in the faction. He knows how people in their early 20s would act from his personal experience but Nak doesn't fit the mold and it's worrying, even if he doesn't say it.

Nak has cried because he called her "kid", she didn't even realize she was crying from that. It was like an inner child healing experience. She initially didn't like him because she felt like he was "treating her as if she's a child" but grew to respect him since they have pasts in organized crime and he feels like her idea of a dad.

NIKOLAI

Nikolai is hard on Nak (alot of cleaning duties, etc.) Because she's one of the youngest people in the faction. " If you wann work here you gotta be good at your job" mindset. He knows that she's a good operator so he pushes her to do her best, with boundaries of course.

Nak thinks of Nikolai as a better version of Naga. She says he's a pain in the ass but really respects him; He got her a job, he accommodated for her issues with routine mental check ups, and his methods with missions is efficient and more her style. She's called him Dad on accident a handful of times, I don't think Nikolai bothered to correct her though.

ISKRA

Iskra doesn't have an opinion on Nak, she respects Nak's ability as an operator but thinks she's a bit strange

Nak thinks Iskra is so cool. She doesn't know how to talk to her because she thinks Iskra is really pretty and admires her relationships with the other female operators. She wants to be friends with her.

Farah

Farah doesn't have an opinion in Nak, doesn't know her that well.

Nak is a bit intimidated by Farah because of her Accomplishments, respects her as an operator

Krueger

She thinks he's stupid and dumb (they kiss)

If you made it this far thank you or reading, the post corrupted initially so that's why it's longer 😭😭

[mishalikessoundsandcolours]

I made up a crossover between Pink Floyd and a soviet cartoon called "The Town Musicians of Bremen" (which is based off the German tale of the same name). I don't know why I made this connection, the music in this cartoon is closer to the Beatles than Pink Floyd but I kinda got the energy of early Floyd music videos from it I guess? Plus I wanted an excuse to draw them in these outfits. But this cartoon is one of my favourites, it's just so bright and colourful and charming. Anyways, here are some of my drawings, though I'm planning to draw more :D

Syd is the Troubadour, I'm not sure why tbh, I can't really explain it. Roger is the donkey because it's a well-known fact that Roger is a horse and donkeys are close to horses I think. Rick is the cat because why wouldn't he be, David is the dog because he kinda gives off dog energy imo and Nick is the rooster because the energy kinda fits, also the rooster plays drums at some point. I really don't have many serious thoughts about this, I just did it for fun. But here are both episodes of the cartoon with English subtitles in case you're interested:

[thoughtfulchaos773]

Sydney & Carmy-Certain Of Nothing-

I'm still inspired by this thread on Syd and Carmy's(yet to be revealed) shoulder tattoos.

I know Carmy's tattoo is inspired by Anthony Bourdain's certain-of-nothing. The CON inside of the snake- and this is so fitting for what Carmy and Syd experience in their everyday lives.

I'll leave the interview of Anthony Bourdain getting the tattoo here. But I'll also leave a quote as he discusses the meaning of the tattoo.

"Epoche: I suspend judgment. I hold back; it conquers all enemies, it undoes them so they disintegrate into atoms before your eye," Anthony reads from his iPad. He adds more commentary,

"Basically, if you live according to this notion of epoche- uncertainty, you reach ataraxia, which is to be unperturbed, happy in your life"

There's more info on the state of ataraxia here-

Carmy's tattoo- The Snake and The Rope

I experienced a small sense of dread today and decided to do some meditation. I reached a state of ataraxia halfway through it? Now that I can reflect, I can see another reason why I love the Bear and it's fun, cool theories.

Today, I take lessons in Carmy and Syd's need to live in the past or future - the lessons of anxiety. But what does this mean with judgment and uncertainty? Typically that sense of dread is worrying about the future- something that's so uncertain. It's hard to understand the notion that it does not exist- this is like the snake & rope analogy from Indian philosophy- in a nutshell.

"Our perception of reality can be clouded by darkness, which is ignorance of reality. This ignorance sometimes manifests as rapid judgment or fear, and we react solely based on senses or emotions... Expecting the worst is seeing the snake." -link

Carmy always sees a snake instead of the rope. He sees the worst in things, and dreads the future, and that could be one of the triggers for his panic attacks.

Carmy's panic attacks in 2x09 and 2x10 showed that he dwells in the past and the future(Claire). We see he reaches this state of ataraxia when he thinks of Sydney- he lets go of judgment of what was before or what could be after and focuses on what is now- which is Sydney being in his life. It does not matter if he or she may stay or leave- what matters is that she's bringing him peace because he's free of judging his thoughts.

I tend to go over Carmy's feelings for Sydney a lot, but Sydney feels the same thing for Carmy, and he returns the favor in Sydney staying present.

Sydney- Future Perfect.

There was an interview with Ayo, and she mentions a conversation she had with Storer on worrying about the future, and she has a hard time staying present; it's funny that the song for her character in 2x03 sings-"Don't Live in the Future, tell me your story."

To me, this song represents getting out of our heads and being vulnerable with someone- telling them our past and future- our story- our worries, and being free from the fear of being judged. Instead of worrying about a past and future filled with heartbreak- we can use our past as a way to connect rather than staying in pain and avoiding it- tell me your story.

Wasn't this something Carmy was trying to do in 2x02 Pasta? He asked her questions about her dad, and he was on the verge of hearing about her mother. But Sydney dodges the question until it hits her again in 2x09 Omelette- though she's clearly dismissive of Carmy's compassion- she still opens herself up to her biggest fear- vulnerability and heartbreak.

Sydney avoids talking about past heartbreaks because she fears it's going to come back- the failure of business- death. She's waiting for the other shoe to drop. In spite of that dread- Sydney still expresses her need for Carmy because he helps her feel in the moment. Carmy gets closer to opening Sydney's heart completely, and she's no longer dwelling on the uncertainty of the future; instead, her fears are a source to connect with Carmy- he pulls the swords from her heart and helps mend it so she can be vulnerable and open to life's possibilities. Carmy teaches Syd to be present in the healing, he teaches Sydney patience and to no longer rush in making up for the past that's no longer there.

But like Carmy, at times, Sydney is not ready to embrace and let go of what was before or what's after, but for a moment, we see she experiences that state of ataraxia with Carmy in the 2x09 Omelette. Sydney tells her dad she doesn't know if she can take another one (dread of possible heartbreak in the future). Another way to confront that dread is to live in the moment and expose herself to her fears. Sydney avoids doing this with her dad, but with Carmy, she sits with the feeling and nervousness of failing, and such vulnerability brings her closer to Carmy.

So the tattoos could represent Syd and Carmy always looking over their shoulder, dreading what the future entails. The fear of uncertainty. Of life itself.

But if Carmy and Syd stick together - living in the - they experience ataraxia and live fully. Because nothing is certain - not even heartbreak, even though it's always over our shoulders and could be a possibility. It's a rule I can take in life - Submit to the uncertainty - submit to the person who opens you up to the feeling of being present. Submit to that someone who makes you feel ataraxia.

If that's not the most beautiful love story- I don't know what is- really, I don't, for I'm certain of nothing.

[katelynnwrites]

My Love (She Makes Me Feel Like Nobody Else) | Sydney Lohmann

warnings: smut with no plot so read at your own discretion

word count: 1613

summary: the way your girlfriend makes you feel is indescribable

a/n: thought of this at 6.30am and couldn't resist writing it...

‘Syd I don't know if I can.’ You softly plead.

The insides of your thighs are sticky, the sheets beneath you even more so.

You haveve lost count of how many orgasms your girlfriend has wrung out of you but as much as you want to, you genuinely don't think you have another in you.

It’s been hours of the blonde fucking you with her fingers and her tongue. She’d thrown a vibrator into the mix earlier too.

Now, Sydney sits up and gives you an eager kiss before drawing back to flick your clit, eliciting a sharp cry of her name from your lips.

Everything’s so sensitive, your entire pussy aching with the amount of pleasure the German woman has given you.

Your cunt is glistening and red, the midfielder running her pointer finger through your arousal appreciatively.

You groan at the friction.

‘Syd please. I can’t.’

‘You can. I’m sure of it.’ Sydney tells you.

There’s a few moments where you close your eyes in exhaustion and when you open them, the blonde is putting her strap on.

‘Sonnenschein.’ You whimper when you see the dildo she's chosen.

It’s bigger than the one you’re used to, only a little but bigger nonetheless.

‘Safe word baby. Use your safe word and I'll stop right away.’ Sydney promises.

You shake your head, widened eyes meeting your girlfriend’s hazel ones.

‘Okay.’

She climbs back on top of you, pushing your knees open and up.

The ache is considerable and setting in from the hours the blonde has spent holding them apart.

You don’t make a sound though, too focused on Syd as she lines up to enter you. She’s decided against using lube, the gathered slickness of your arousal being more than enough.

The midfielder pulls your knees further apart and presses in.

Your mouth falls open immediately.

It’s so much, filling you up and causing your pussy to squeeze frantically around it.

‘Sydney!’ You gasp.

The stretch is nearly overwhelming and there’s a delicate edge of pain bordering your pleasure. You aren’t sure if the pain is there because of how sore you are or how the toy is stretching you out but you can’t deny the way it makes you wetter.

Your girlfriend lets out a small breathy whimper as she sinks in fully, the strap pressing against her clit perfectly.

‘Doing so good for me.’ She praises and you whine.

Sydney begins to thrust and you moan at the way the toy drags inside you. It’s a beautiful kind of pleasure.

Your girlfriend shifts her grip onto the inside of your thighs, her nails creating little crescent shaped marks.

It’s a sweet addition to all the other marks she's left on your body, a number of hickeys already scattered on your neck and collarbones.

You are hers to mark. In any way she deems fit.

The blonde has created a familiar rhythm, her hips rocking in and out. The smooth action causes whimpers and moans to fall from your lips, your cunt practically pulsing.

It’s a lot.

The midfielder shifts to chase her own pleasure, pushing the toy as much into you as possible so that she can grind her clit against the base of the strap.

You cry out and Sydney swallows the noise up by slanting her mouth over yours.

Her chest is heaving and she moans at how fucked out you look.

With your hair stuck to the sides of your face and a light sheen of sweat clearly visible on your body, she’s deeply attracted to you.

‘You’re so pretty for me like this.’ She coos.

Your girlfriend reaches downwards, expertly finding your clit and pinching it.

You jerk, tears pricking your eyes at the sharp flare of pleasure mixed with hurt.

The way the dildo feels in you, it makes you so wired with fullness and pleasure.

Sydney pulls out so only the tip of the toy remains inside of you before she presses all the way back in, causing you to arch your back with the sheer sensation of it.

She repeats it over and over again, getting rougher each time and you cry out hoarsely.

Your fingers scramble for purchase in the sheets and you tremble weakly.

There’s so much coursing through your body and you're really trying but you can't.

You can't come because it is all too much.

Blindly, your hands reach for the Bayern Munich player’s waist and you try harder, hating to disappoint her. You squeeze around the toy, desperately sucking in a breath.

Your girlfriend continues rolling your swollen bud between her fingers, playing with your clit as her hips speed up.

It’s exactly when she presses her thumb against your puffy clit that you break.

‘Red!’

It’s too much. You’re so sore, the edge of pain that borders Sydney's thrusts growing the longer she goes on. Her touch on your clit increased your overstimulation to the point where you couldn’t keep up anymore.

‘I’m sorry. Red Syd…red.’ You choke out.

Tears are streaming down your face and you pitifully whimper as she pulls out of you.

No matter how gentle she had tried to be, it’d hurt.

‘I’m so sorry. I tried sonnenschein, I tried my best.’

You’re sobbing through your words, knees still shaking.

Sydney gets rid of her strap on, carelessly tossing it off the bed and scooping you into her arms.

‘You did beautiful. You’ve given me plenty already. It’s my fault for not noticing your limit sooner.’ The blonde soothes.

You cry messily into her and she smooths your hair away from your face lightly.

‘You have been so good. Been such a good girl for me.’

Slow, loving kisses are pressed against your forehead and eventually you manage to calm down. Your breathing evens out and you bury your face into her chest.

The midfielder praises, ‘There you go. Thank you for using your safe word earlier baby.’

‘Thank you for keeping your promise.’ You whisper and the look in your girlfriend’s eyes soften.

‘Always. Can I help you clean up?’

‘Please.’

It’s a quiet word but Sydney smiles, briefly touching her lips to the side of your head before she hurries off to the bathroom to get a small towel.

When she returns, she carefully parts your legs, rubbing them lightly to ease the ache.

You groan in relief and the German woman chuckles.

Her hands brush against the insides of your thighs and she grins at the hickeys and nail marks she sees there.

‘Admiring your handiwork?’ You tiredly tease.

‘Maybe a little.’ Syd laughs.

She wipes over them carefully and you shiver at the intensity of her adoration for you, clearly written all over her face.

Her touch is even more tender as she runs the dampened cloth through your folds.

But you whimper nonetheless.

‘Sensitive.’ You gasp.

Your girlfriend apologetically kisses your pussy in response and you shake.

‘Baby you’re still wet.’

‘I know…’

The juices on the insides of your thighs have dried into a sticky mess but your cunt is still glistening with fresh arousal.

You close your eyes for a long moment.

‘You can try again if you’d like.’

‘Try what?’

‘Making me come one more time.’

‘Really?’ Syd breathes.

The majority of the aftershocks have eased off already and while you are still trembling with arousal, it is nowhere near how overwhelmed you were before.

‘Yeah sonnenschein. Just…please be gentle.’

You think you’re silly for asking.

It’s obvious in the way the Bayern Munich player reverently moves your legs apart, handing you a pillow to rest your head against and pressing affectionate kisses from your knees to your ankles.

‘I love you.’ She murmurs as she settles herself between them.

‘I love you too Syd.’

The blonde winks at you as you push yourself up onto your elbows so that you can see her.

‘Lay back baby.’

So you do and your girlfriend hums. She carefully licks a small stripe up your pussy, tasting yourself on her tongue.

You whimper as she kitten licks around your swollen clit, taking care not to overstimulate you.

‘Sonnenschein.’ You breathily sigh.

Her hands hold your knees steady and she continues using her extensive knowledge of your body to build your climax.

She kisses your clit, wrapping her lips around the puffy bud for a brief moment, the pressure causing you to moan.

Your breathing grows uneven and shaky, Sydney taking pride in the way you moan her name, amid pleasured gasps.

She never once slips her tongue inside you, knowing that it would be too much for your already exhausted body.

It’s slow and special, the way the midfielder has committed to making you come in the most intimate of fashions.

Eventually, it pays off.

Syd guides your hand to her head, encouraging you to use her tongue for your own gratification.

You come with a soft cry of your girlfriend’s name, pressing her mouth against your cunt as you tilt your hips upwards.

‘Doing so good baby. You look so beautiful.’ The German woman whispers.

She cautiously works you through it, prolonging your high till you begin to whine.

‘Okay okay.’ She murmurs.

Your girlfriend gifts you one last devoted kiss on your pulsing pussy before pulling you into her side and letting you catch your breath.

‘Thank you sonnenschein.’

Melting into the blonde’s arms, you kiss her gratefully.

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too.’ Sydney answers easily.

You adore the feel of the midfielder’s bare skin against yours. It brings you a sense of comfort that is far and above anything else.

Being in Syd’s arms is home. You hope it will always be home.

German Translation:

sonnenschein - sunshine

[fluentmoviequoter]

I'm a tiny lil bit struggling rn, do you have any random Victor thoughts to share to cheer me up? Could be anything, headcanon, random thoughts, does he insist on wearing only black socks so they fit his aesthetic? Also no worries if you don't have anything to say or don't feel like it, no pressure!

So sorry to hear that! Hope everything gets better quickly and talking Vic can help you!! There’s a bunch of my random, borderline incoherent thoughts and rambles below the cut!!🩶

I’ll start with the black sock idea! I feel like the answer is probably yes; every detail of Vic’s look (no matter how small) fits his aesthetic. Playing off of that, his style seems to be very sophisticated and dark, sort of dark academia-esque, so it all begins with the base and for Vic that means having one solid color, head to toe, to build his Parisian debonair look!!

Alternatively though, I think if Vic was going to wear something a little more colorful or wild (likely after persistent teasing and prodding from Syd) that he’d limit the colorful expression to his socks or some other piece that’s not visible to others!

One thing that I almost always think about when talking/writing/reading about Vic is that he has trust issues but he’s also an incredibly good judge of character. He trusted Mitch and Syd relatively quickly despite the number of people who have hurt him, so those two aspects of being hesitant to trust but understanding people so deeply allows Vic to choose both his allies and enemies quickly and with almost frightening accuracy.

Building off of something we’ve talked about with Vic’s sophisticated tastes, if he was a car he’d be an Aston Martin DB4GT Zagato!! It’s sleek, classy, and dangerously beautiful.

I also think that Vic is numbed to the emotions of others. Not necessarily lacking empathy, just unable or unwilling to read people’s feelings as easily as their personalities. (Like he figured Eli out really quickly but seemed to struggle with determining what Eli was thinking or feeling.) However, I think the opposite is true for Mitch and Sydney. He’s so attuned to their needs, because he is their first line of defense, their protector, their safe space, that he can look at them and know what they need to hear or receive based on what they seem to be feeling.

This one is probably wrong but in my mind Vic laughs when he reads his parents’ books in private! Especially if they happen to mention anything about parenting or being good/kind to the people around you.

Along with reading and editing his parents’ books, I think Victor has lots of poetry in his mind!! Whether it’s poems he’s read or come up with himself, he has a poetic reference for everything. Sometimes he just thinks them, other times he says them under his breath, but he has a deep understanding of how life’s beauty and ugliness blend together to create reality! His thoughts are formed poetically too; he can’t just think “that looks cool” it’s something deep and melodic, relating it to whatever he considers to be the most beautiful or interesting part of life.

(This is getting long. I’m sort of sorry.)

Victor is a human cat!!!! You of all people know this for sure, but it needed to be included. He likes having his head rubbed or hair played with (he’d never admit it and figuratively bite someone he doesn’t know well for trying), he 100% knocks things off tables on random impulse, and… it’s perhaps my strangest headcanon, but Victor purrs!! When he’s really happy or likes something a lot, he can’t show it because he has an image to maintain, so he purrs instead.

If Vicious came out in 2012, and we’re assuming that Lockland era scenes were ~2002, and he was approximately 22… then Vic would have been born in/around 1980 right? Even if he wasn’t! Vic likes 80s movies!! (I’m projecting.) He surprisingly likes The Goonies because it’s about a group of friends (which he didn’t have) who go on an adventure to save their town. All of the kids also think about their parents and their wellbeing (which Vic couldn’t understand but could appreciate the beauty of). He also likes Real Genius because of course he does, he’s like a more stoic version of Chris Knight!! (It’s one of my favorite movies and I’m still projecting.)

I think if/when Vic listens to music it’s probably alternative and moody/meaningful. He chooses songs and artists with poetic lyrics and then draws even deeper connections and ideas from them.

I’m not accepting any questions about this one (LIE) but Vic would look incredible in the outfit Pedro Pascal wore to the SAG Awards. Victor looks good in everything, but that disheveled pirate look would… I can’t even put it into words, just trust me.

Last one for now! Victor obviously has a soft spot for strays, so I think if he could go back to school, start over, whatever, he may consider vet school! It still plays into his traits of needing to be in control and have an incredibly meaningful and impactful job, but he’d get to help animals too.

Okay I lied one more. Victor Vale makes people work to see his smile! He smiled when Sydney brought him back to life but that’s one of the only times we get to see it. However, I wholly believe that after that, he sometimes just smiles at Sydney. More so when she isn’t looking, but he needs to do something to let all of the words he can’t say to her get out. But also! He has one of those smiles that is so pretty it will make you fall to your knees but you can also tell that there’s more behind it, that he’s not smiling just to smile but to communicate (or in some cases, foreshadow something that will happen to you).