forcebutch

[forcebutch]

if/when you feel more settled about it, if you feel comfortable, would you be open to talking more about your shift in identity from butch to potentially femme man?

i definitely relate a lot to eroticizing what u fear and ik the road to figuring urself out can be. rough. and ofc no obligation ik this can be deeply personal

not going to claim to be settled in anything but i'm an external processor so

my masculinity as a butch was god's most fragile object. i was constantly asking for reassurance from my spouses if it was ok if i did [thing] As A Butch. i was hypersensitive to anything that challenged my butchness & constantly fighting off dysphoria, i felt so tense & restricted — all while butchness was giving my wife massive relief/freedom/enjoyment that i somehow couldn't access.

for extremely personal reasons i won't get into here, my manhood came back with a vengeance not too long ago and i made the conscious decision not to subdivide it into 1 million microlabels. i realized i was using them to "compromise" my way between what i felt & what i thought some obscure audience wanted from me. my stormy genderfluidity calmed into something expansive when i set down everything except being a man.

i think both of these things fueled my forcemasc obsession: (1) reassurance for my masculinity, (2) a "compromise" that made it a sex thing so i didn't need to unpack desiring manhood past "mmm yes i like kink", (3) an obvious audience with explicit desires i can fulfill just by doing what i already enjoy (writing & photo editing).

not to be a huge dork but what really pushed me to look at myself differently was the video "how jordan peterson's suits taught me fashion" by artist/philosopher CJ the X. it is an examination of fashion as a social language (something JP is so bad at these days because he is weak to flattery and free ugly suits). one of the things they say is:

And it hits me — stop thinking about what you like & don't like, and just look at what you are.

i like butches. i like them a lot. i think they're really hot and gorgeous and handsome, and there is nothing that feels better than being offered trust by a butch who's been hurt. i like the sweaty white tank tops and the grin from one corner of the mouth and strong arms and feeling tension melt away when i hold them.

i don't like being a feminine woman. being a feminine enby feels frustrating in a way i can't articulate. i do not enjoy the sensory experience of skirts, and a not-insignificant conventional feminine fashion makes me dysphoric.

if following my likes didn't bring me closer to looking like myself or feeling free, i thought — what if i stop trying to define myself from that what i like & don't like, and look at what i already am? if i follow my desires for my body and then look back at it, instead of trying to plot a course into a box?

i am still very wary of putting it down into words. this is all new to me. but the picture being painted by this outlook is, so far, that of a man who takes great pleasure in being a high femme.

TLDR what if this was me but a man

[forcebutch]

had an identity crisis & am currently in a depressive episode. still alive & safe but not really motivated to write erotica re: gender play atm. see tags if you're nosy

[forcebutch]

arson leigh

[forcebutch]

Domme femme who attaches a chain/leash to their butch’s carabiner and tugs them around with it….. is this anything..

[forcebutch]

the big dykey killer as a metaphor for the female protagonist's own repressed masculinity which she fears and sees as monstrous. escape as a series of events that have the latent butch protagonist gradually masculinized by circumstances beyond her control

[forcebutch]

@squarepegtattoo by @alonglines

[forcebutch]

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2

[forcebutch]

Testosterone could have saved him

[forcebutch]

(detail from ‘Bacchus’ c. 1638-1640 by Peter Paul Rubens)

[forcebutch]

they need to start inventing boy weed (weed that makes you a boy)

[forcebutch]

Kirsten Valentine, Boxers, c. 2018 

Oil on canvas, 18 x 18 in

[forcebutch]

why would i shower when T makes me smell so fucking good

[forcebutch]

[forcebutch]

[forcebutch]

you better not get that faux leather shit either

[forcebutch]

(intended for NSFT FTM+ blogs)

[forcebutch]

hey its me identity-confused anon again. needed u to know that i read the words 'good butch' and immediately got turned on so. ty for that [salute emoji]

sometimes the dick knows best!