#I think the commenters are younger than me

[queen-of-reptiles]

𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙼𝙿𝙸𝙾𝙽

𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝚃𝚆𝙾

description: during a relaxed competition, y/n pushes on, despite a worrying ache in her thigh, she learns to regret it after and alessia is happy to play nurse

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alessia russo x female reader

disclaimer: this is all fiction! Do not take any of this seriously.

warnings: cuteness, fluff, some sexual comments, less just being a doting gf, slight mention of injury

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alessiarusso99 just posted on her story

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leahwilliamsonn just posted on her story

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y/n winced slightly as she stretched out, there was a slight ache in her thigh but she hoped if she ignored the problem it would go away. She was only up for floor today anyway.

It was a competition yes, but y/n had been put in last minute really, because she was younger than most she was on call if one of the under 23's dropped out. Which they did.

Alessia and Leah who were with her at the time, happily followed her to the competition the next day, Katie, Caitlin, Viv and Beth joining soon enough, Ella, while late also slid into place.

y/n had started her routine fine, landing her back tuck twist easily, smiling as she span and danced along with the music and cheers echoing alike.

It was only as she went into to her Front tuck round-off back handspring did y/n feel it, the pop in her thigh, as she shouted as she came down, landing painfully on her hip as she smacked the mat, gesturing to the medical team who ran to her.

"Muscle strain, hurt bad." y/n tells them with a groan, Alessia racing down the stands and to the side with the rest following as y/n is lifted off the mats with a groan.

The medics check her over, talking quietly as y/n winces again, their gloved hands pressing painfully as they nod and agree to take her to the hospital for a scan.

"Is she okay? What is going on?" Alessia questions as the medics try and calm Alessia and Leah.

"It looks to be a muscle strain, they need to take her for a scan before we can really know." One of the medics say.

"How long?" Leah asks with baited breath.

"If it is what I think it is, three months." The medic tells her and Alessia sighs in relief that her lover still may be able to make the Olympics.

"Okay. Thank you." Alessia nods. Leah sighs and the two rush to the group - the lot of them piling into separate cars and driving to the hospital.

Alessia and Leah drove together, both ignoring the way their phones were vibrating with tweets of fans who were worried, or news stations using them to include in their 'breaking news'.

Alessia bit at her thumb as Leah pulled up at the hospital twenty minutes later, the girls behind them parking up quickly as well as Leah quickly found where her sister was.

"You two go see her. We'll wait." Katie told them as they found the room she was in.

Leah and Alessia walked into the room to see y/n looking at a scan with a doctor, the two talking as they nodded. y/n's leg was now braced and crutches rested against the bed.

"Lee, Less." y/n smiles, both blondes relieved that there was at least a smile from y/n.

"How's it looking kiddo?" Leah asks as she leans over to press a kiss to y/n's head.

"Out for three months, but I should be okay for the Olympics." y/n tells them and Alessia sighs.

"What happened baby?" She asks and y/n winces.

"Look, don't kill me." y/n begins and Leah pauses. "I felt an ache in my thigh, had done all day, but I thought it was just cramp." y/n explains.

"And now you've strained your hamstring." Leah says disapprovingly, y/n letting out a sheepish laugh.

"Sorry?" She asks her sister who huffs.

"Okay Leah, look she knows it was stupid and she's paying the price for it now." Alessia warns Leah who huffs.

Leah then sighs and presses a kiss to her sister's forehead, the three waiting until she was allowed to go, everyone greeting her with cheers as she posed with her crutches.

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y/n just posted on her story x2

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Once everyone made sure she was okay, y/n and Alessia found themselves back at home, the two cuddled up together on the sofa, y/n's head on Alessia's shoulder, the blonde's hand rubbing up and down her back.

"You sure you're okay?" Alessia asks y/n worriedly and y/n nods.

"I'm a little annoyed at myself for not listening to my body, but I am okay, yeah." y/n nods, Alessia kissing the crown of her head.

y/n sighs, sinking further into the side of her girlfriend enjoying the warmth the girl gave her. Alessia noticed this and pulled her onto her hip, wrapping her arms tighter around her, y/n's back now against her chest.

Alessia's head dipped, small kisses being placed along y/n's skin which caused small giggles to arise from the gymnast, Alessia smiled into the skin of her girlfriend, playfully biting down at the skin.

"Lessi!" y/n laughed, the blonde chuckling as she placed a long kiss to y/n's cheek.

"Gawd, you two are so gross, you know?" Ella asks from her place in the doorway, it being a weekend Man utd. didn't play, the two had expected the Mancunian to appear at some point.

"Hi Ella, come on in." y/n say sarcastically at the girl who through her keys - including a spare key to Alessia and y/n's home in the key bowl.

"Aw thanks, you angel." Ella grins pressing a long kiss to y/n's cheek, making Alessia let out a small 'oi'.

"She's mine." Alessia whined, pushing Ella away who gagged as Alessia tugged the gymnast onto her lap.

"Thirsty?" y/n asks Ella who nods, getting up and going to the fridge to grab a diet coke which made y/n chuckle, Ella was far too comfortable in their home. "You staying the night?" y/n calls out as Ella sets up the X-box.

"Yeah probably." Ella shrugs as she hands Alessia a controller as she puts on FIFA 24. y/n playfully sighs.

"I'll get my book." She hums but Alessia is already lifting her off of her lap.

"I'll get it baby." Alessia smiles, pressing a kiss to y/n's lips before running toward the bedroom, tripping slightly on a chair leg, but managing to stay up-right.

"I'll get it baby." Ella mocks leaning down and kissing y/n's cheek before falling and sprawling out on the floor mockingly as Alessia walks back in.

The blonde rolls her eyes at her best friend who grins at her and y/n chuckles as Alessia sits back down. Ella perks up, selecting her team quickly but Alessia pouts.

"No. This isn't right." Alessia denies, Ella looking over as the blonde reaches over and pulls y/n across her lap, moving a pillow so it was behind y/n's head.

"Better?" Ella asks as Alessia leans down and pecks y/n's lips. The girl yet to take her eyes away from her book.

"Much." Alessia hums before Ella rolls her eyes and presses play.

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Several hours later, y/n now asleep in Alessia's lap, the warmth of the blonde keeping her in a deep slumber despite the shouting from the anger Manchester player and the swearing from the Italian.

After a final game Ella huffed as she placed the controller down, Alessia sending her a victorious grin as Ella rolled her eyes.

"Shut up! You only won two!" Ella says loudly and Alessia glares.

"Shh, you'll wake her!" Alessia warns but Ella just snorts and looks at y/n's sleeping figure which was curled into Alessia's body.

"No I won't." Ella denies and Alessia chuckles, checking the time on her phone with a slight wince when she sees they'd been playing for a bit too long.

"I'll make some dinner." Alessia realises. "Come over here and replace me so she has someone to cuddle." She orders her best friend and the girl chuckles.

"She's your girlfriend Less, not mine." Ella jokes and Alessia rolls her eyes.

"We both know she's 'OUR' girlfriend, now come here and cuddle her." Alessia orders, the two slowly swapping seats so Alessia could finally stand and Ella was now a human teddy bear.

Alessia chuckles as she watches Ella relax into the weight and heat and sink back slightly, before the blonde goes into the kitchen to check what was in the fridge.

After a moment of debate the blonde decides on creamy chicken, spinach and mushroom pasta, knowing it was her girlfriend's favourite meal when feeling a little down.

As Alessia started to took, Ella's hand began running up and down y/n's back, enjoying the warmth the girl provided while being curled around her.

"This does feel nice." Ella hums as she flicks through Netflix.

"Honestly, she is like a heated blanket." Alessia agrees, turning to see her lover still asleep.

After ten minutes of Ella watching BoJack and Alessia cooking in silence, y/n's eyes blink open, a yawn coming from her as she sits up, eyes mostly shut as she tries to blink the sleep out.

At hearing the movement, Alessia grabs a glass of water and shuffles over, cooing as her girlfriend sits up with sleepy eyes and a big yawn.

"Hiya baby." Alessia coos, taking the seat next to y/n and bring the glass up to y/n's lips, letting the girl take a gulp before putting it down.

"Hi." y/n says softly, blinking herself into full vision, smiling at her girlfriend's beautiful face.

"Had a good few hours there baby." Ella coos mockingly, pressing a sweet kiss to y/n's cheek which makes Alessia scoff and roll her eyes.

"Mmmm. What you cooking?" y/n asks as she sniffs the air.

"Your favourite." Alessia smiles before pressing a kiss to y/n's cheek and moving back to the kitchen.

"You've domesticated her." Ella says in shock. "I don't know how." She adds and y/n shrugs leaning back into Ella.

"Pussy too bomb." y/n states and Ella snorts, sending the two into a small fit of giggles as they wait for dinner.

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y/n just posted

liked by leahwilliamsonn, alessia, and 409, 788 others

tagged alessia, and ellatoone

y/n these two <3

view 10, 288 comments...

username1: I love them so much 😍😍😍

username2: FREINDSHIP LIKE THIS NOW PLZ

username3: 🥹🥹🥹

username4: Get well soon y/n!!!! 💖

simonebiles: Love you! Rest up! x ❤️

^

y/n: Love you too! Thank you will do! x ❤️

leahwilliamsonn: Are they taking care of you????

^

y/n: To the best of their abilities 🙃

^

leahwilliamsonn: I'm coming over 😡

^

alessia: I am being a fantastic nurse thank you! 😠😠

^

y/n: She really is!

username5: I love them!!!!

ellatoone: I won the FIFA tournament btw

^

alessia: Sureeeee

^

y/n: not again, please... 😥😥

username6: Cute 🥰

username7: 😍😚

See more comments...

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y/n sighed as she settled into Alessia's shoulder, the two wrapped up in bed, Alessia's oversized shirt pushing her scent into y/n's nostrils as the gymnast snuggled more into the blonde's warm side.

"Thank you for looking after me, baby." y/n says softly, Alessia humming softly as she looks down at the woman pressed against her shoulder.

"Of course, baby." Alessia says softly, pulling y/n closer to her, wrapping her free arm around her so she could run her hand through the gymnast's hair.

"It is just I did this to myself, and you have every right to be mad, and you instead looked after me." y/n continues.

Alessia cannot help but chuckle, pressing a long kiss against y/n's head as she calms the girl down.

"You love your job, as I love mine, my love. We put ourselves on the line for what we do. I could never be mad at you for that." Alessia promises.

y/n lets out a small sigh of relief, snuggling closer to the blonde as she opened her mouth to try and fight the blonde who simply hummed to shush her.

"And even though you weren't feeling 100% you wanted to do your best, and I understand that." Alessia says. "I love you, of course I will look after you." The footballer finishes.

"I love you so much, you know that?" y/n asks, looking up at Alessia who smiles and leans down, pressing her lips against y/n's.

"I know baby." Alessia promises.

"Gross!" A voice says and the two turn to see Ella stood in their doorway with her water bottle and a wrinkled nose.

"Shut up Tooney." y/n snorts. "Also, please come into our bedroom." She adds sarcastically.

"Aw Angel." Tooney says, settling beside y/n, pushing her in the middle.

"Love Island?" Alessia asks as she switches the TV over.

"Duh." Ella says and y/n can't help but chuckle, she looked at the two as they quickly became engrossed in the show and she sighed.

Yeah, she'd be just fine.

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y/n just posted on her story

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END

[fluemsiie]

eternal prize [ d. winchester ]

synopsis. you and dean have some news for your family notes. violence, bruises, flinching, getting attacked by someone — comments & rbs appreciated. REQ

it all went so fast, Dean loved you one second and proposed the next: you were both in bed, he was propped up on one elbow, leaning down to kiss you slowly before mumbling, “marry me.”

you let out a small laugh when the words register, kissing him again. he pulls away, “i’m serious.” you furrow your eyebrows, sitting up on the bed and he does too, both his hands holding yours in your lap. just looking up into his eyes— god, you want to say yes.

“stop it, dean, this is stupid.” and it hurts just a little but he knows what you mean. he doesn’t have the money for a ring, he’s unreliable and constantly moving around for jobs, you don’t even know about hunting and he’s asking you to marry him. but he can’t help it. dean’s chest closes up when you aren’t near and yet he never wants to leave your side.

“i don’t want to wait till we’ve known each other for decades before i get the chance to ask you to marry me.” so apparently knowing you a year is more than enough time for him. to be honest, you’re more in love with dean than he can ever be with you, your heart beats for him and you know it but he’s asking you to marry him. he wants a wedding, or you’re sure he’s thinking of eloping, he wants kids, he wants the white fence.

“i love you.” he expresses, “please say something.” you break out in a smile, laughing as you pull him in for a kiss.

“yes, yes, yes,” you keep saying it in between kisses and dean’s hands don’t stop roaming around your entire body that night, like he’s taking in that you’re his wife now. that all of you is his now.

today, the morning after, you’re both at your parents house. he’s never met your dad, saw your mother once when she was staying at your place and he came to visit. he used to be glad you live alone, now it’s overwhelming meeting your entire family at once.

“baby, when you said you have a lot of siblings—”

“i meant nine.” right. because that’s what someone usually means when they say they have so many siblings. not a normal five or six. seven of your siblings are sisters, and the two boys aren’t here, you mentioned something about studying in canada and it’s the best news dean’s ever heard. he’s not sure he can handle more than six girls, your mother and your father.

the second your younger sister opens the door, you jump into her arm. “oh my god, i’ve missed you!” she’s the only one you’ve missed, all the others usually call once a week, but your younger sister is in the middle of exams so she never has the time. she hugs back, letting go to face dean. he clears his throat and extends his arm.

“dean winchester,” he’s about to say he’s your boyfriend before she pulls him into a hug.

“can’t believe you think we haven’t heard of you. it’s literally the only thing she talks about.” he laughs, hugging her back. the rest of your siblings are easy, your oldest sister flirts with him shamlessly and he learns it’s her nature to get with your boyfriends. good thing he isn’t your boyfriend— but your fiancé.

“where’s mom?” you ask when you’ve introduced him to everyone including the family dogs (sadie and lily love him). “she’s not in the kitchen, is she—” the last time your mother tried to cook it didn’t end well for any of you. thankfully, you hear her voice behind you.

“i’m right here, darling.” she says pointedly and you turn around to jump in her arms, yelling ‘mommy’. it doesn’t matter how old you are or where you go you will always be a mommy’s girl. she’s your best friend and the one person you go to with everything, so even if she and dean haven’t officially met, they know everything about each other. you talk about her constantly to him and vice versa.

he greets your mother politely and she returns it. she takes your hands in hers and you hug her again instead before letting go to look for your you dad. while you’re sure your siblings didn’t notice, your mother would feel the old family ring on your finger and ask questions. dean gave it to you last night, said it meant more to him than anything and that the second he can, he’ll buy you a real one.

but honestly, this is all you need. you want to matter enough to him that he gives you his father’s ring. you want him to talk to sam about you, his uncle bobby, you want him to love you, that’s all you care about. and you’re lucky he does— god he does.

you both walk to the garden where you father mostly works on his laptop. it was your mother’s choice because she’s always wanted a villa facing the beach but now your dad is the one who spends most of his time out here.

dean catches the strict expression on your father’s face, his heart constricting for you. he knows that look. he sees the way your dad’s clenching one of his hands, focusing on his work and he feels honest to god heartbroken. you’ve never said your dad was another john; not that you spoke about him much.

“daddy!” you say loudly, running from the back porch to his chair. he stands up and his body immediately relaxes on your touch.

dean doesn’t know much about what he wants in the future, but in that moment, seeing you and your father he knows two things: he wants to spend his life with you, and he wants to be as good a father to his kids as yours is to you. your dad let go of everything the second you called out for him, nothing mattered more than you and that’s the one thing he hopes he can give his future kids.

“dean,” you say, narrowing your eyes at him. he notices he’s still planted on the porch and quickly walks over to the two of you. “dad, this is dean, my boyfriend.” you worry your bottom lip between your teeth, the way you usually do, and it takes everything in dean not to reach out to pull it away with his thumb like he always does. he faces your father.

“hello, sir.” he shakes his hand. “you have a beautiful house, and a great family.”

your father smiles, nodding appreciatively and saying a quick ‘thank you’. he’s about to sit back down but you stop him. “daddy! i, uh, we actually wanna tell you something—”

“oh i swear if you’re pregnant—”

“daddy! of course not, you know i wouldn’t,” he lets out a short sigh, “but we need to tell you something. you and mum. meet us in the kitchen?” your father seems confused but agrees.

as you and your fiancé walk back to the kitchen, your hand in his, you’re shifty. “you ready?”

“since i first met you, sweet girl.”

[doctorbitchcrxft]

After School Special | Supernatural Series Rewrite | Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Warnings: self-hate, mentions of suicide, drug use, mentions of arrests, mentions of addiction, canon violence, canon gore

Word Count: 5407

A/N: DISASTER STRUCK. i had this queued and it didnt post😭😭😭😭so sorry yall! hope you enjoy!!!

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Something was still tugging at you after how somber Sam seemed following your last hunt. He seemed like he’d taken what Dean said about dying before getting old or ending up an obsessive alcoholic like Bobby pretty hard. However, you couldn’t piece together what Sam would do in response to those fears to mitigate that worry within himself. 

Dean’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. “You’re awful quiet back there.”

You looked up at him from your spot in the backseat of the Impala, noticing he was staring over his shoulder at you. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he shrugged. Dean looked over you, as if trying to piece together your thoughts just based on your physicality. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Will you be upset if I say, ‘not particularly’?” you asked, almost embarrassed to be asking that.

“No.” He paused for a moment. “I am worried about you, though.”

“Why?” you asked, cocking your head to the side. 

“ ‘Cause of just… everything,” he finally decided. “It’s hard seein’ you so tense all the time.”

You shrugged. “The crown’s heavy, I guess,” you tried to joke, but your tone conveyed no humor.

Dean just stared at you, giving you one of his trademark unreadable looks.

You gave him a playfully-challenging bitchface. “You know how I feel about that look.”

He quirked a brow at you, smirking a little. Dean’s face still held more sincerity than yours did, clearly not appreciating that you were trying to change the subject. 

Then, Sam ducked down into the car. 

“So?” you asked while you ignored Dean’s eyes still on you in the rearview mirror. 

“I think she's telling the truth.” Sam had been posing as a psychiatric nurse to speak to a high school student who’d beaten another to death. “I mean, the way she talked about being there mentally but not physically; kind of sounds like demonic possession to me.”

“ ‘Kind of’?” Dean echoed. 

“She didn't see any black smoke or smell sulfur.”

The older of the two shrugged. “Maybe it's not a demon. I mean, kids can be vicious.”

“Well, I mean, we're already here. Might as well check out the school,” Sam replied. 

“Right.” Dean’s voice dropped, turning into almost a grumble. “The school.”

“What?” you asked. 

“Truman High, home of the Bombers,” Dean replied. 

“I’m not following,” you said.

“We went there, like, for a month a million years ago,” your partner explained. He then addressed his brother. “Why are you so jazzed to go back?”

“I'm not,” Sam replied. “I just think it's worth looking into.”

“All right, well, what's our cover? FBI? Homeland Security? Swedish exchange students?” Dean questioned. 

Sam smirked. “Don’t worry. I got an idea.”

****

“Nice shorts,” you smirked at Dean. You scanned him from the ground up, eyes roaming over the calf-high socks, red shorts that just barely covered his ass, the tight white polo with the school’s logo, and the sweatband that made up his substitute PE teacher outfit. 

You crossed your arms over your chest wearing a cardigan and skirt, and you felt completely out of place. Your job was to pose as a substitute English teacher, and Sam was pretending to be a janitor.

“The whistle makes me their god,” Dean smirked, referring to the class playing a hectic game of dodgeball on the court behind him.

Sam walked up to you and Dean as you giggled at your partner’s goofy comment. 

“Find anything?” you asked the younger brother. 

“I've been over the entire school twice. No sulfur,” he replied. 

“No sulfur, no demon. No demon, no case,” Dean said. 

Sam shrugged, face twisting in disappointment. “I don't know. Maybe I was wrong.”

“Well, it happens to the best of us,” Dean snarked. “I say we hit the road, huh? But after lunch; it’s sloppy-joe day.” 

A pudgy little boy ran past you and the boys, groaning and holding his nose. 

“Good hustle, Colby!” Dean called after him. “Walk it off!”

****

You headed past a classroom on the way to the break room when you heard a boy shout, “Why? Cause you're a stupid, brain-dead dick?”

You stopped by the cracked-open door, watching in curiosity. 

“I'm gonna shove my fist down your throat, you little freak,” the other replied. 

You could see the two children standing next to a spinning Cuisinart blender; clearly in a culinary class of some kind. 

“That fist?” the first said to the other. 

“Yeah.”

Then, you watched in horror as the grinning boy grabbed the other’s fist and shoved it into the blender. Immediately, screams broke out in the classroom as you ran to the aid of the boys. The boy whose hand had been shoved in the blender was being helped out of the room by another classmate, and the one who’d hurt the other looked woozy before falling toward the ground. 

You caught him just before he hit the ground, and you felt something goopy hit your arm. You gently rolled him aside a little to see ectoplasm dribbling out of his ear and smeared on your arm. 

Then, the child began to roll his head as he woke up again, groaning, “What happened?”

****

When the dust— or, rather, splattered blood— had cleared, the students were all brought into the gym. As substitute teachers, you and Dean had to be there. Sam was simply allowed to continue his job, and he’d actually been the one to clean up the scene. He used that time as an excuse to search for any other evidence of ghosts you’d missed. 

You stood next to Dean with your arms crossed over your chest, looking on as the assembly continued. Your eyes scanned the bleachers, and you saw quite a few upperclassmen girls ogling Dean. You simply rolled your eyes, knowing their school girl crushes would get them nowhere. However, it made you wonder what Dean had been like when he was in their age group. Had he been as much of a player as he was when you’d met him? Possibly even more so?

A sense of melancholy began to fall over you as you wished you could’ve known Dean when he was young. Growing up the way you did, you didn’t have a traditional high school education. It was your responsibility to seek out knowledge that didn’t pertain to hunting, and you wanted to soak up as much as you could. 

Sometimes, you’d sneak out to homecoming football games at the public schools nearby or find a few kids spray painting abandoned buildings 0r skating to smoke a joint with, but your interest in socializing never extended far beyond a few nights out at a bar.

You and Dean snuck out the back door of the assembly to meet up with Sam, who you’d seen walk past the window in the door just moments prior. 

“How's the nonviolence assembly going?” Sam asked as the three of you walked down the vacant hallway. 

“Apparently, shoving a kid's arm into a Cuisinart is not a— what’d they call it, (Y/N)?” Dean snapped his fingers at you while he tried to remember.

“ ‘Healthy display of anger’,” you quoted, snickering. 

“Right,” Dean chortled. “So, the kid had ectoplasm leaking out his ear?”

You nodded.

“Which only comes from a seriously pissed-off spirit,” Sam added. “It's got to be ghost possession.”

“Yeah, but that's pretty rare.”

“Yeah, but it happens. I mean, they get angry enough, they can take control of a person's body.”

Dean didn’t seem convinced. “Alright, so, what? We got a ghost in the building?”

“Yeah, but where? I mean, there's no EMF.”

You chimed in, “Maybe we could find out who it is. Y’know, check and see if somebody died bloody in here.” 

“Way ahead of you. I had to break into the principal's office to get this.” Dean took a piece of folded paper out of his pocket. When he’d unfolded it and started explaining, Sam’s face dropped. “So, there was only one death on campus. It was a suicide back in '98. Some kid named Barry Cook.”

“What’s wrong?” you asked. 

Sam sighed. “I knew him. How did he die?”

“He slit his wrists in the first-floor girls' bathroom,” Dean answered, a little more sympathetically. 

Sam’s eyes lit up with realization. “That’s where—”

“Right where the chick got swirlied to death, exactly,” Dean cut him off. “So, what? This ghost is possessing nerds?”

“And using them to go after bullies, yeah.” Sam nodded, still seeming very pensive.

“Well, does that sound like Barry’s M.O.?” Dean prompted. 

“Barry had a hard time.”

Your lips drew together in a sympathetic pout. “What happened?” you asked gently. 

The brunet sighed again. “This guy, Dirk. Real asshole. It was him messing with Barry most of the time.”

You nodded, waiting for Sam to continue his story. 

“One time, I was walking with Barry, and Dirk slapped the books out of his hand. I’d tried to stand up to him, and it just ended with a teacher tryin’ to convince Dirk not to beat the shit outta me.”

Dean looked confused. “Where was I when all this happened? I woulda helped you, y’know—”

Sam cut Dean off. “You were too busy with Amanda Heckerling in the broom closet.”

Dean’s face paled, and he looked upset at himself. “Oh. Right.”

You raised a brow at Dean, but he just shook his head. 

****

When you’d finished burning Barry Cook’s bones, Sam was completely off. 

“You all right?” Dean asked as he drove the three of you back to the motel. 

“Barry was my friend. I just burned his bones,” Sam replied, still staring mindlessly at the dashboard.

Dean tried, “Well, he's at peace now, Sam—”

“I mean,” Sam cut him off, “if Dad had let us stay just a little while longer, maybe I could have helped the kid, y’know?” 

“You read the coroner's report same as me,” Dean said. “Barry was on every anxiety drug and antidepressant known to man. School was hell for that kid. His parents had split up. He just wanted out. It was tragic, but it's not your fault. To tell you the truth, I'm glad we got out of that town. I hated that school.”

“It wasn't all bad.”

“How can you say that after what happened to you?” Dean asked. 

Sam went quiet. You waited for them to continue. When no one else spoke, you said, “What?” You waited expectantly for one of them to answer. “Guys, what?”

“Remember how I said the teacher stopped Dirk from beatin’ me up?” Sam turned to you. 

You nodded. 

“He didn’t.”

You nodded again, more slowly this time. “Did you get hurt?”

Sam nodded. 

“Why didn’t you fight back—?”

“That’s what I asked him—” Dean jumped in. 

“I know your dad taught you to fight since you were four,” you continued. “Why not put that to good use?”

“ ‘Cause scrawny freshman get beat up, (Y/N). I didn’t wanna be the freak for once,” he answered. 

You cast your eyes to your hands in your lap, understanding. “And Dean didn’t kill this guy because…?” Then, you trailed off and remembered what the two had said earlier. “Right. Amanda Heckerling.”

Dean clicked his tongue. “Yeah.”

“She was cool,” Sam shrugged. “I liked her.”

“Hey!” You jokingly swatted his arm.

Sam chuckled. “Dean said something like—” he did his best impression of his brother, “ ‘she wants me to meet her parents. I don’t do parents’.”

Genuine laughter erupted between you and Sam, and Dean just grumbled in embarrassment as he parked the car in the motel parking lot. 

****

“So, Amanda Heckerling, huh?” you asked. 

“(Y/N),” Dean grumbled. 

You pulled on a t-shirt and sat down on the bed next to him where he was clicking through television channels.

“C’mon, what’s wrong? You get all pissy every time Sam or me bring her up,” you prompted, taking the remote from him. 

“Yeah, well,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. 

You stared at him expectantly. “Well?”

“She just said something that really stuck with me,” he replied. “I feel like I’m pullin’ teeth here, Dean. C’mon, what?”

Dean huffed. “I, uh, I cheated on her.”

You recoiled in surprise. “Whoa, uh, curveball.”

“I just— I was an ass. And I probably did deserve everything she said to me, but, uh…” Dean trailed off. “I just felt like things were getting too serious with her. She was… sweet and funny, and I knew I was kiddin’ myself with her.” He looked away from you as he said, “ ‘S kinda the way I feel with you sometimes.”

You would have more to say on that later, but for the meantime, you just let him get it out.

“Anyway, she caught me with another girl. She said she knew I was sad and lonely underneath the whole ‘tough guy’ routine, but that wasn’t what really got me.” Dean took a deep breath. “She told me she felt sorry for me. She felt sorry for me, and she told me she thought I was different ‘cause of how I was with Sam, but she was wrong. And, uh, she was right.”

You just took it all in for a moment. “Yeah, well, if I’d caught you cheating, I probably would’ve said the same thing,” you said. 

Dean just remained stone-faced with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“But you know that’s not true now, though, right?” you said. You ducked your head to force him to meet your eyes. “Dee.”

“Whatever. It was a long time ago,” he grumbled. He rolled away from you and faced the wall. 

You just sighed and got back out of bed to go brush your teeth. You knew when you returned, Dean still wouldn’t be open to talking. 

Most nights, the two of you slept facing away from each other. Each of you drawn into yourselves because no amount of comfort the other could provide would free you from the guilt and sinking feelings in your stomachs. 

You missed what it felt like to sleep against him. You prayed that as your relationship began to heal, the two of you would as well, and you’d be able to hold him once more. 

You wrapped your arms around yourself and stared at the wall opposite you. Moonlight kissed your face through the thin curtains adorning the window, and a periodically flickering streetlight illuminated the otherwise dark parking lot outside. You traced the hazy outlines of the objects outside the window with your eyes, trying to bore yourself into slumber. Though you knew it wouldn’t work, it was better than coping with the thoughts and memories you were barely holding back from overwhelming your consciousness. 

Your attention was then drawn to Dean’s breathing that had gone rhythmic and deep. It seemed he’d been sleeping a bit better recently, and you hoped you had some part in that. 

Despite how fragile your relationship seemed, he was still your light in the darkness, and you were his. Though crumbling on the inside, you kept each other stable in all this. Your insecurities would try to convince you he needed something better; someone better. Dean would do the same to himself. However, you both did your best to quell those fears in each other. No matter what happened, you had each others’ backs. 

****

The next day, you returned to the school because Sam wanted to say goodbye to a teacher of his. You and Dean stayed in the car while he did, and your attention was drawn away from the picking you were doing at your fingernails by Dean jumping out of the car. 

Confused, you followed him to where you saw Sam collapsed on the top of the stairs. 

“The fuck happened?!” Dean yelled. “Sammy?!” 

Sam groaned, “I’m fine, I’m fine.” It was then you saw the blood gushing from the wound on his stomach.

“Dean, put pressure on the wound until I can get my shit.” He did as told, and you raced to patch Sam up. When he was finally mostly back in one piece, the three of you drove away from the school to a spot in the woods. 

Dean handed his brother a beer, and the three of you sat on the Impala. “Trust me, this’ll help.” He got up and began angrily pacing. “That ghost is dead. I'm gonna rip its lungs out!” He seemed to recognize the absurdity of his statement and relax his tensed shoulders a bit. “Well, y’know what I mean,” Dean grumbled. “It knew my name, guys. My real name.” Sam stared at the ground, and you could see his mind was racing. “We burned Barry’s bones. What the fuck?”

“Well, maybe it wasn't Barry. Maybe we missed something.” You flipped through another of the files in your hands, trying to review any information you had on the victims. “Oh, shit,” you muttered. “How did we not see this before?”

The two men looked at you expectantly. “What?” they asked in unison. 

“Check it out—” you shoved the files at them. “All three of ‘em rode the same bus.”

Sam nodded. “Okay, so maybe the bus is haunted.”

“Well, that would explain why there's no EMF at the school, but not the attacks,” Dean said. “I mean, ghosts are tied to the places that they haunt. They can't just bail.”

“Unless this one can. Dean, there's lore about spirits possessing people and riding them for miles, then whenever they leave the body, they're bungeed back to their usual haunt,” Sam threw back. “But until then, the ghosts can go wherever they want.”

“So a spook just grabs a kid on the bus and walks right into Truman?” Dean wondered aloud. 

You shrugged. 

“Ghosts getting creative,” Dean grumbled. “Well, that’s super.”

****

The three of you searched the bus; dismayed to find it completely clean. Except for the fact that the bus driver was the father of the kid that had beaten up Sam. 

Of course, you lied to the man about knowing his son, and he let you into his home. 

“So, you were friends with Dirk?” Mr. McGregor, Dirk’s father, asked. 

“Yes, sir, in high school,” Sam nodded. 

“I don't recall Dirk having many friends at Truman. Here, sit. Sit down.” He gestured to his striped, worn couches.

“When did he pass?” you asked. 

“He was eighteen,” the man responded somberly. 

Sam gently asked, “What happened to him?”

Mr. McGregor sighed. “Well, there was, first, drinking, then drugs, and then too many drugs. And then…” he took in a shuddering breath, “he just slipped through my fingers. It was my fault. I should have seen it coming, you know? Dirk, he, uh— he had his troubles.”

“What kind?” you asked. 

“School was never easy for Dirk. We didn't have much money, and, well, you know, kids…” he trailed off, “they can be cruel. They picked on him.”

Sam seemed shocked. “They picked on him?”

“They called him poor and dirty and stupid. They even had a nickname for him…” it seemed he was trying to remember it. “ ‘Dirk the jerk’. And after what happened to his mother, he…”

“His mother?” Sam cut him off. 

“Yeah, Jane, my wife. She died when Dirk was thirteen. Cancer.” Mr. McGregor swallowed the lump in his throat. “I was working three jobs, so it fell to Dirk to take care of her. And he was a great kid. He made sure Jane got her medicine. He helped her, cleaned up after her. But, y’know, you— you watch somebody die slow; waste away to nothing... it does things to a person. Horrible things.”

“I didn't know about his mother,” Sam said quietly. 

“He— he wouldn't talk about her, not even to me. Lot of anger in that boy.”

“I’m sorry,” the brunet said. 

“Well, we'd really like to pay our respects, Mr. McGregor,” Dean chimed in. “Um, you mind telling us where Dirk is buried?”

“Oh, he wasn't. I had him cremated,” the man responded. 

“All of him?”

Mr. McGregor eyed him strangely. “Well, I kept a lock of his hair.”

“Oh, that's– that's nice. Where do you keep that?”

“On my bus, in my Bible.”

****

After thoroughly freaking Mr. McGregor out, you went back to his bus. Except, it wasn’t where you left it. 

“What the fuck?” you questioned. 

“They must’ve taken it for a game or something,” Sam rushed out. 

“C’mon!” Dean called, running back to the Impala. 

Luckily, the banners around the school suggested the name of the school the bus would be at for the rivalry football game. Dean sped in its direction, and you were on the lookout for the bus anywhere around. 

“Dean, over there!” you shouted, pointing at the bus in a wonky position off the side of the road. There was a man towering over another, almost as if he was about to kill him.

You immediately jumped out of the car and threw the boys their shotguns. You covered Dean around the back of the bus to get the jump on the ghost.

Sam rushed to the doors of the bus. “Dirk!” he shouted. 

The possessed man smiled eerily at Sam. “Winchester. What are you gonna do, shoot me?”

Dean rushed him and wrapped the rope dipped in salt water around his midsection. 

“Don't need to. That rope is soaked in salt water, Dirk. You're not going anywhere.”

Dean stuck his head in the bus. “Alright, everybody stay where you are. You'll be okay.”

“Aren't you the P.E. Teacher?” you heard a kid pipe up while you climbed on the bus to search for the hair. 

“Not really. I'm like ‘21 Jump Street.’ The bus driver sells pot,” Dean replied easily. 

“It’s not here!” you called out to Dean. 

“Where is it?” Sam asked Dirk. 

“No way you'll ever find it,” the ghost replied, grinning. 

“Where is it?!” He pressed the shotgun into Dirk’s stomach harshly.

“Sam Winchester. Still a bully. You, you jocks... you popular kids... you always thought you were better than everybody else. And to you, I was just Dirk the jerk, right?” He snarled. “Now you evil sons of bitches are gonna get what's coming to you.”

“I'm not evil, Dirk,” Sam shook his head. “I'm not. And neither were you. Trust me. I've seen real evil. We were scared and miserable, and we took it out on each other; us and everybody else. That's high school. But you suffer through that, and it gets better. I'm just sorry you didn't get a chance to see that: you or Barry.”

“Nothing is gonna get better for me. Not ever,” Dirk lamented, breaking out of his rope binds. Sam shot at him while the ghost flew back to the bus. 

While Sam and Dean ran to the bus, you sprinted over to the man previously possessed by Dirk and searched his pockets for the lock of hair. 

“(Y/N), find the hair!” Dean yelled, barely peeking out from behind the open doors of the bus as he tried to fight the possessed student. 

“Trying!” You rustled around Dirk’s former host’s pockets. “Got it!” you shouted, victoriously pulling the hair out. Quickly, you took out the zippo lighter you’d stolen from Dean and lit the hair on fire. 

You huffed, sitting down on the grass next to the man who was slowly waking up after his possession. You stared down at the zippo in your hands, running your fingers over it with a bittersweet feeling in your chest. 

Dean and Sam stumbled out of the bus, and you turned to face them. “Hey,” you said.

Dean looked down at your hands. “Is that mine?”

You chuckled. “You were kinda gone for four months.” You tossed it back to him, and he caught it easily. “Didn’t think you’d need it anymore.”

He tossed it back at you, and you looked up at him in confusion. “Keep it,” Dean told you. “I’ve got plenty of ‘em.”

You smiled, and Dean outstretched his hand to help you up. 

“Hey, how come you didn’t help me out from underneath that football player?” Sam asked, clearly offended. 

“Shut up, Sam,” Dean replied, slinging his arm around your shoulders.

You laughed, linking your fingers with Dean’s. “What?” “Long story,” Sam replied. 

****

You sat up at the small table in the motel room you shared with Dean. Moonlight streamed through the blinds, and Dean was clicking through channels on the television. The pen in your hand swirled effortless lines across the paper in your journal as you drew Dean’s P.E. teacher outfit in detail. You smiled a little, remembering you hadn’t felt well enough to even open the journal in a long while.

Dean then seemed to get bored of channel surfing and clicked the television off. “Whatcha doin’ over there?” he asked.

You held up your drawing to him proudly, and he chuckled. “That’s damn good, (Y/N).”

You grinned. “Thank you.” Then, you turned back to the table and continued shading in the sweatband around the drawing’s forehead. “Y’know,” you began, “something occurred to me on this one.”

“What’s that?” your partner asked expectantly.

You dropped the pen and turned in your chair to face him. “We don’t really know that much about each other.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “What do you mean? I know plenty about you.”

“I mean, yeah, we know each other,” you said, “we’ve been through so much together, it’d be hard not to know each other as we are now. But we don’t know everything about each other.”

“You’re losing me,” he replied blankly. 

You huffed. “It’s hard to put into words.” You scrunched up your face as you thought about how to phrase it. “Like, I didn’t know Amanda Heckerling even existed until today—”

Dean sighed, cutting you off. “Does that really bother you that much—?”

“No, no, that’s not where I’m going with this, I promise,” you explained. “I just mean that, like, I don’t know much about you from before I met you. I know pieces, but not the whole picture, I guess.”

Dean nodded slowly, and it seemed like he understood a little of what you meant. “What do you wanna know?” he finally asked.

“Anything you’re willing to share.” You got up from your chair and joined him on the bed. You sat with your legs crossed facing the headboard, and Dean leaned against it. He had an arm around your hip, drawing circles with his thumb as he thought of something to tell you. “I mean, I’d think it’s pretty similar to what you grew up doing,” he said as he continued to think. “I think I may ‘ve told you this before, but I barely even remember what my mom’s voice sounds like.”

You listened intently, watching his face as he averted your gaze. 

“I don’t remember much from before I turned, maybe, ten or eleven. I remember taking care of Sammy. I remember Dad leaving a lot,” he continued lowly, a hint of sadness in his voice. “I remember helping Sam with his math homework. And then, he got so much better than me that I couldn’t keep up anymore.”

You smiled. “He’s too smart for his own good.”

“Yeah,” Dean replied, a wistful look on his face. “Dad ’d leave us alone for weeks at a time. We’d run outta money real fast. I think I was, maybe, sixteen the first time I whored myself out.”

Your stomach dropped. “What?”

He shrugged. “I felt badass at the time. I didn’t really think of it like hooking, but I knew I needed money for groceries, and this older lady was willin’ to pay.”

“Dean, I’m so sorry,” you told him.

He shrugged again. “It is what it is. I did what I thought I needed to.” You nodded, thinking for a moment. “Does Sam know?” 

He shook his head. “And I don’t want you to tell ‘im.”

“I wasn’t plannin’ on it,” you replied. “I hustled pool for my money. Played a lotta poker. I thought about sex work a lot, but I would always chicken out before I could do it.”

“That’s not a bad thing,” Dean told you.

“I know,” you nodded. A small silence followed until you spoke again. “I sold a lotta drugs.”

“Hard stuff?”

You nodded again. “Stole a lotta shit from other dealers. Not my proudest moments, but at least it meant that Steven didn’t have to choose a meal to skip for the day.”

“I know what you mean,” Dean affirmed. 

Silence blanketed the two of you again for a moment. 

“I hated when my parents would leave for hunts,” you told him. “I hated when they came back, too. Because there was always something I’d done wrong while they were gone. I didn’t clean the spare guns right, or Steven was crying and hungry when they got back despite the fact that they didn’t leave us with fucking anything to keep him fed.” You took in a deep breath in an attempt to calm yourself down.

“Trust me, I’m right there with you,” he replied. “Did you at least like hunting when you were livin’ with them?”

“It was kinda my only reprieve from my mom’s religious lectures or my dad’s constant correction. I mean, granted, there was always something I was doing wrong, so I’d get an earful on the way back to the motel, but I just kinda learned to tune it out.”

Dean replied, “Me, too. As much as Sammy claims I was the golden child— and admittedly, I kissed my dad’s ass a lot— he wasn’t easy on me. My dad drilled me like he was back in the marines.”

You reached out for his hand, and he took it gladly. “I get it, Dee. Steven probably considered me the golden child, too. Granted, Stevie was completely different from Sam in almost every other sense of the word.”

“What was he like?” Dean questioned softly. “You don’t talk about him much anymore.”

You took in a breath, trying to steady yourself. “I know,” you said. “He was amazing, though. At least, in my eyes. I mean, he’d break up fights between me and Dad all the time. His best trait was his compassion. I mean, it was endless. To everyone. As he got older, I think some of that light faded out of ‘im, and he reserved it just for me and my mom. He— He changed a lot. 

“My dad thought he could never do anything right. And— hate to defend my dad— but Steven was getting in a lot of trouble before he, um—” you took in a deep breath and swallowed the tears beginning to well up. “He’d gotten arrested, like, twenty different times.” You laughed suddenly. “It was kinda funny. Some kinda way, he’d weasel his way into being a- a high-school hitman? Kids would pay ‘im to beat their bullies up. They booked him for a few times. But, uh, it was mostly drug possession that got ‘im in trouble.”

“Really?”

You nodded. “He was good at escaping, but, y’know, Dad was pissed.” You chuckled a little. “Not that he got arrested, but that he was forcing us to move around before a hunt was over since the cops were on ‘im.” You sighed. “Fucked up lives we live, huh?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah.” He looked like he was choosing his next words carefully. “Looking back, you think maybe—?” 

You understood what he was getting at. Solemnly, you nodded. “I think that what I did to my parents was just—” you swallowed harshly. “It was just his final straw.”

Dean brought your hand to his lips and kissed the back of it gently. “I’m sorry.”

“I’d like to think he’s in a better place, but with all this fuckin’ bullshit we’re dealing with now, I have no idea,” you sighed. 

Dean kissed your hand again. “Not to push you, but you never said why you don’t talk about ‘im anymore.”

You locked eyes with him briefly before looking down at your lap. “I don’t think he’d like me anymore, Dean.” You hiccuped. “I don’t think he’d be proud of who I’ve become and what I’ve had to do. I mean, fuck, I don’t even believe that you could love me anymore. I just—”

“Sweetheart—” Dean cut you off.

“I’m a fucking monster, Dean. I know I am. And there’s nothing you can say to change my mind.”

Series Rewrite Taglist: @polireader @brightlilith @atcamillanorrman @jrizzelle @insomnia-bookworm @procrastination20 @mrs-nesmith @djs8891 @tiggytaylor @staple-your-mouth @jesstherebel @rach5ive @strawberrykiwisdogog @bruhidkjustwannaread @mxltifxnd0m @sunshine-on-marz @big-ol-boat @mgchaser @capncrankle @chervbs @simpingdeadcharacters @nesnejwritings @stillhere197 @tearsforhan @take-it-on-the-run @iloveyou2mia @maxinehufflepuffprincess @ohgeehowdigethere @seninjakitey @berarenado @s0urw00lf @princessleahorgana @quarterhorse19 @isla-finke-blog @silverdoragon @karacaroldanvers @gayandfairycore @examishbookwyrm @star-yawnznn @real-sharena-h @fandomloverrr @metalmonki @onlyangel-444 @yu-winchester @benniwiththefanni @daisychaingirl @immagods @missmieux @yoongi-holland @littledebbieinabigworld

[ahappydnp]

Hey so I hope this is okay to ask as i’m a bit confused and crazy atm. In the WIQYT screenshots going around again about the doc, the last one talks about Dan having self image issues. I was curious if you could possibly help spread some light on the subject maybe? I remember always seeing him posted on the proana blogs back in the day frequently, and even in Dan and Depression he says his lexapro made him “gain loads of weight” but it never seemed like anything visually changed. I know you’re not a mind reader and trying to understand another persons self image is impossible, I guess I just maybe don’t understand where this comes from. I know he used to rag on himself in videos by putting pillows down his shirt to signify that he was chubby as a kid even tho he never was from the pictures available. I’m aware this is very parasocial but I’ve been going through a lot self image wise and he never got to make his documentary where he talks about it and idk. To me, Daniel is lowkey a philosopher and i’m so desperate to hear what he has to say on the subject. Can you think of any times he’s talked about this kind of stuff? (Sorry for this being such a downer anon i just kinda feel like i need to hear about it rn and i don’t know where to look)

I hope your weekend is amazing and filled with joy and laughter!

like you said, no one knows what goes on inside someones mind especially things like insecurities. but i do think it's two seperate issues that dan has talked about (under the cut for sensitive topics)

i think it's important to remember how society treated weight in the early 00s, obviously it was muuuuch worse for women but boys would also get ridiculed for their weight regardless of their size. i assume that dan did get picked on for being bigger (more than likely he was probably just taller than his classmates but kids just really like generalizing words like "fat" and that sticks in your brain). it was such a shitty time for body acceptance as a whole and he was bullied so much i'm sure people did throw in weight comments just to add to the blow.

and like everything else that's going to stick and then when you're a little older you just repeat this truth that other people told you that "i was a fat kid and fat=bad just like gay=bad so i'm going to agree with them" of course that was suuuuuuper toxic and unhealthy and dan definitely did even more damage peddling casual fatphobia and making insensitive jokes online. but he was pretty openly struggling with his body image from the get go (all the ED comments he made in 2009) and as we know, there's generally another root cause. dan's talked about his self hatred when he was younger (particularly stemming from the bullying and his internalized homophobia) at length and it makes sense that manifested into body dysmorphia the second part is in that screenshot from WIQY he was specifically talking about gay men's beauty standards which is a whole different issue altogether. he's talked a lot about his baby face and how he's felt insecure about his lack of "masculine" features and build. he's talked about how people don't take him seriously because he doesn't look like "a man". there's also the added layer of him being the poster child for ~pretty boy twink~ who's now getting older and aging out of those very rigid beauty standards solely because he's no longer 21. but gay men can be incredibly toxic when it comes to labels and what's attractive (i mean think about the fact that grindr literally has a body type filter so you can exclude whole subsets of people). so he's not saying that he's not attractive or not the general beauty standard, it's that he came out and fell face first into gay standards discourse because he was actively engaging and consuming queer community in a new light

allll of this to say i COMPLETELY get how it can instinctively rub people the wrong way when dan howell, who was famously coined "the hot one" for years and has had people drooling over him his entire adult life, says he's insecure. it can feel like a slap in the face if you don't consider his own struggles but i do think he's self aware and healed enough to know that he's very much within societal beauty standards (tall, straight sized, white, eurocentric features) and has actually benefited greatly in his career because of his looks. and he's unpacked a lot of his fatphobia and has made a point to be vocally body positive even going back to like 2016/2017

[aintnoloveintheheatofthesun]

Some of you are fucking boring.

It had to be said. Pearline is 100% a sinner but the nuance is going right over some of your heads! She is a flapper! Aka, a woman with some privilege in early 20th century America who defies societal expectations of modesty, fashion and femininity. She is meant to surprise you. She is meant to leave you clutching your pearls.

Tell me why I am minding my own business and I come across this pick-me ass, holier than thou shit on Threads.

The problem I have with this comment is the lack of irony. On this blog I will call Pearline many things. Lying ass heffa, OG city girl, dishonourable, messy, wicked, adulterous and much, much more. Bear in mind I say this with love. She is absolutely wrong and I adore her.

In a story with literal demonic creatures, a Black woman dancing freely is devilish?

Fuck your dull, prescriptive, puritanical world view.

This movie is not meant to represent angels vs devils, good vs evil. For any viewer to watch this shit and create their own binary of Madonna vs Whore is deeply disappointing. I am begging you to read bell hooks anything, Toni Morrison, James Baldwin, Alice Walker, Audre Lorde anything. Black women have never been protected by imitating white, middle class, evangelical gender norms. I can promise you, if Pearline went straight home from Clarksdale station to her NPC ass husband, minded her own business she would still be at the mercy of the clan in Mississipi and the constitution of a country where she can barely vote. Her shaking some tail is an expression of joy! And freedom! Things she might rarely experience in this social and political context! Fuck.

This woman howls, tap dances, grinds and moans on stage. She crawls across the floor boards like a lion watching a herd of gazelles. She is wild. She is uninhibited.

Do you know who else had their style of dance described as possessed? Devilish? Animalistic? Primitive? Josephine Baker.

One of the most talented, celebrated Black women of the early 20th Century. She understood how she was viewed by society and she lived unapologetically. I read a very interesting book by Alicja Sowinska that explored how white critics discussed Josephine Baker. They found her exotic, strange and utterly captivating. They couldn't understand how a Black woman in 1920/30 could be so sexually deviant and bold. How unladylike!

Josephine Baker was not a devil nor a whore. She was an artist with a political consciousness that served her career very well. Their ignorance and obsession with her body was not lost on her, she took their stereotypes of wild women and savage Africans and inverted them. She made them her own; and in doing so, became a trail blazer.

No one is expecting you to praise her infidelity. I am asking you to engage with social context! Do you really think she chose her husband? Do you truly believe she has access to all the rights and opportunities available to white men at the time? Do you really think she wants her only taste of freedom to be in sweaty juke joint she had to walk to?

Pearline is a three-dimensional Black female character, clearly inspired by the likes of Josphine Baker and Sister Rosetta Tharpe. Black women that challenged America's notions of sexuality, artistry and genius.

This woman is nurturing her artistic abilities, living life on her own terms and saying 'fuck you' to polite society.

She is a married woman who openly flirts with a younger man she has just met. She swings her hips in broad daylight, and looks back to make sure he's watching. She gets ate off the bone in the back room of an illegal juke joint. She wears her wedding ring as she gets head from a preacher's son.

In conclusion, I love her.

[circeyoru]

Decide the Story Direction!!

Okay, for those who don’t know. I recently started a ‘series’ featuring Reader/you as the Shadow Monarch in another alternate universe. Jinwoo (in the OG universe) will travel to the alternate one and meet you, in addition to the quest of saving that world (and his along with the other ones) from destruction.

If you need context, read the story and request before continuing, thanks. Oh, there would be spoilers for future parts here and there, so read on at your discretion. There’s going to be 2 polls for those that continue.

Here’s the thing. The request was so long and challenging for me that it took me a while to get my bearings and think of a starting point and what Reader’s/your base character should be. I decided use all the elements requested so I could go through with the request as best I can. From the beginning, I already knew this would be a series-type of request cause there will be a lot to cover (my sorry self just going on a tangent while writing). 

These are the things I went with from the request: ― Female reader ― Jinwoo in the other universe ― Favoured by the System (by extension being the Shadow Monarch) ― Civilian and Hunter mode (in and out of gates) ― Tactician focused > Strength/raw power ― Keeping gained power a secret ― Mistreatment, family abuse, outcasted, betrayed (all those things) ― Babied by the Shadows

It may seem like I followed the request to a T, and yeah when I’m typing this, it does look like it. But there’s one serious element I want all your thoughts on. Do you want to read a platonic or romantic relationship?? I mentioned before I have up to part 3 (4 now) written. Now these parts are all Reader’s/your (I’m using Y/N from this point on for convenience, story will not have that though) building before meeting Jinwoo, so nothing’s going to change regardless of the polls.

The options are very different, so pay attention.

If you pick [platonic], Y/N’s setting will be changed to a minor, which following the request of the Shadow Monarch being Jinah’s age (17). Think Song-Yi’s level and she’s the one getting the System as reference. The ending is Y/N returns with Jinwoo to the OG world and being adopted into the Sung family.

If you pick [romantic], Y/N’s setting will be changed to young adult, younger than Jinwoo (assume he’s 25 okay?), so Y/N’s around 18-24 (university level). The ending is also Y/N returns with Jinwoo to the OG world, BUT Y/N will take Hae-In’s spot. Orrrrrrr Y/N could just chill there, but the former one’s chances are bigger.

Now regardless of your choice, Y/N will be mentored by Jinwoo while levelling up and showed love and affection to cover the trauma. It’s what type of love I’m having trouble with. From previous experience, I can just do romantic ones. But I’m not sure if you guys prefer platonic for this or not. I’m fine with either really.

Now, which do you pick? (Votes last for a week) (sorry, one post one poll, so if you’re not shy, you can input an emoji in the comments section. Or send me an anonymous inbox is okay too. Your voting won’t be revealed to the public, it’s for me to count)

― 💙 Platonic (sibling relationship with Jinwoo, later adopted younger sister) ― ❤️ Romantic (couple relationship with Jinwoo, later wife)

Okay, another plot point I want your opinion on is this. How long should the story be? My other series have been following different arcs. If you read {Shadow and Void} series, you’ll know it’s still ongoing, it started the moment monarchs are revealed and the end of it is, well, the Monarch Battleroyale. If you read {Love Trial} series, completed, it follows the arcs after the Monarch battles. Then there are other stories that follow more specific time points and/or arcs.

But!! This series can and will potentially following a lot of arcs. So! Fellow readers of mine~ Pick an ending point. Jinwoo’s appearance isn’t until the Demon Castle Arc (don’t really~~ things won’t drag too long, I’m excited for Jinwoo to be there as well)

Pick this carefully, because depending on the arcs to be covered, you guys are going to wait longer/shorter for the story to update. The content will, of course, change, but that’s a given. I guess you can say the depth of what was mentioned in the teaser/prologue will be adjusted as well. More twists and turns.

Thanks for staying here till the end guys~ Look forward to this series’ update~ Here’s the MASTERLIST for those that want to check out the mentioned works.

[pomegranatelycan]

Weekly dump: Busy

Hello! First I wanted to thank everyone that liked and commented on my first weekly dump! I planned to post another regardless if no one commented but seeing so many people actually reading my post and enjoying it…it made me really emotional. I’ve always felt really small and sometimes even unimportant to people in my life (not to my darling sweet wife but you get what I’m saying) so seeing so many people reading my post and enjoying what I had to say meant a lot to me.

So, why is this post titled busy? Well, I’m busy. Rather, I made myself busy. I have two weeks of school left but I decided to do all my finals this week instead of waiting. As an English major, I’m very fortunate to have final essays as opposed to in person finals, so once the paper is done that’s it. Currently I only have one more essay left!! This semester is my final one and I really wanted to relax before my graduation ceremony! This also gives me time to apply to my masters program without worrying about my current assignments! Honestly this has been the best crunch week I’ve ever had, my writing has come super easily to me and as a result I haven’t been stressed despite the numerous essays I’ve had to write!

That being said…I’ve still made time to take things slow and enjoy my time. I’ve been playing a lot more style savvy than animal crossing, I guess it’s just a bit easier since style savvy is more guided so it keeps my attention a bit longer than acnl (though I still visited my villagers this week don’t worry!) I really love choosing the random hairstyle option and building an outfit around that look!

Earlier this week we also had a sudden thunderstorm! I live in SoCal, literally an hour away from L.A. so it was very scary to suddenly get such a heavy thunderstorm! Thunder kept sounding right outside my house but a little bit before it started, when it was just raining, I went outside and took some photos! I have a tree with a face named Mel and he is my favorite plant. I want a tree in the front yard of the next place I move to so I can give it a face and a new name. Anyways here’s a moody picture of Mel for your enjoyment!

Isn’t he the cutest? I love trees with faces, they’re so delightful. Speaking of delightful, I watched Wolf’s Rain with my gf this week. I watched it all once when I was 14 and since the person I watched it with was a horrible evil woman, I decided I wanted to watch it again with the love of my life. We watched the first six episodes on what I believe may be a bootleg Blu-ray…I would love to get an official copy of it in the future but for now it’s pretty solid aside from the quick advertisement of titlovi.com at the beginning of every episode, honestly I think it adds to the show. I love physical media so even if it’s a bootleg I’m very happy with owning it lol

I can’t believe I graduate in just a few weeks, it feels surreal. I was in a very bad place mentally when I finished high school and started university so I didn’t honestly think I’d make it this far and…now here I am. About to graduate, twenty two years old, dating my dream girl and perusing my passion for writing and libraries despite all the challenges presented to me. I’m really proud I’ve made it this far and I know I’ll only continue to go further and further with time…I was also looking at photos of myself from when I was younger this week. Back when I was 19 I’d look at younger photos and mourn the girl I used to be. Now at twenty two I can’t help but feel differently. I’ve got so much more ahead of me and while my looks may change I think I’m even prettier and more importantly, I’m far more happier now than I was then.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…my weekly songs + videos!

So I really love goth, new wave, and visual Kei music. However, I think my favorite musician will always be Sheena Ringo. God she’s just incredible. The song I’m about to share is super personal, I have to listen to it once a week with my eyes closed to just let the music engulf me or I have a horrible week. It’s honestly one of the best things I’ve heard ever and I hope that you’ll enjoy it as well! I still can’t fucking believe she wrote this song at 16 like holy shit she was and still is such an incredible creative.

Next song is Stray, the intro to Wolfs Rain!!! I really love the sound of this one and wanted to highlight it cause I forgot how good it was till I started rewatching the show.

And finally, video of the week! As an English literature major, I’m very interested in looking into the factors of what makes a text good or bad. I believe that a majority of the time it’s preference that determines if you like a text or find it horrible. I love Slow Damage and Towa but I think A Certain Hunger and its protagonist are insufferable in comparison. However, the actual text is a good indicator of a texts quality. When looking at creepypastas, often people consider the plot to be bad but I think the writing is much worse than the plot. That’s because for a lot of young writers, creepypasta was their first entryway into the world of writing original stories. As such, when I saw a literary analysis of Jeff the Killer recommended to me on YouTube I got HYPED. And the video delivered, for once someone wasn’t making fun of the story but rather highlighting the awkward writing of the work.

[i-have-no-idea-for-name]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW MY BABIES!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 I LOVE IT SO MUCH IT'S ADORABLE, ESPECIALLY THE FIRST PICTURE!!!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 Let's call it an early birthday present :DDDDDDDD 🎉🎂🎊

but unfortunately, as it usually happens with me, I have a few comments, I know you're tired of it but believe me I am too and I remind you for the millionth time that you should ask me before drawing my characters ¯⁠\⁠_(⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠)/⁠¯ so please don't be offended, just accept these comments:

- I reaaaaaly love how you drew June, she's beautiful 💖 and the only comment I have about her is that her hair isn't that long, her hair is about to her shoulder blades

- as a human, Star wouldn't dye her hair and she would only have spots on her cheeks where her stars are and on her torso, and as for her hands, I don't know if they would look like that cause she didn't have black hands from birth, it only happened recently although it looks interesting and her skin color should be in the middle of her parents' skin colors (also, her antenas glow too :'D)

- I love them in those outfits where Star's holding an umbrella, they look adorable :3333 Cookie Star is also a cutie pie, I don't know anything about this game and I'm not really interested in learning about it but I still love it when people draw characters as those cookies cause they look so sweet and I want to eat them all 🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖

- bro why is Eric taller that Wybie what happend ':D here are their heights and ages: Wybie's the oldest and tallest, don't be surprised cause his dads are tall as trees lmao, then there's Star and she's half a head shorter than him and Eric is a year younger than them and a few centimeters taller than Star and June is the youngest (3 years younger than Wybie) and the shortest of them, about half a head shorter than Star, but when they grow up, they will all be taller than Star (June will be a head tarrel that her) because her parents are short and the rest of them's parents are tall, but I don't think Star will be mad about it cause she has wings after all hehehe

BUT AGAIN, thank you for drawing them and for finally drawing Star's eyes like I asked you to <:'3 my beautiful princess 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

I would've drawn more but my head lowkey hurts

My favorite girls, I wanted to color them for once and make some funny little doodles

AND !!! The song that June is singing in the second image is "Fukkireta" and it's just about being best friends XDD

@i-have-no-idea-for-name

[vaguely-concerned]

do you think ingellvar -- raised by well-meaning but largely clueless about child development academics -- probably has a decent shot at understanding taash' position better than they maybe realize

[amelikos]

Amethio taking after Gibeon's strong will and inability to ever give up.

[iamnotlookingidonotseeit]

fascinating revelations out of my dad's professional coaching of the whole family today

my mom scored astonishingly high on empathy and caring for a woman who seemed to find it next to impossible to express that to me

my dad has done an insane amount of work to be so warm and personable considering that his natural inclination is towards strong reserve rooted in anxiety (just like me!!)

my sister shocked - SHOCKED 🙄 - to learn that she scores almost zero in empathy AND very high on manipulation

actually shocking reveal that my sister always knew she was my mom's favorite. like I kind of assumed she was mean to both of us but apparently most of the biting comments were for me

[website-com]

recently someone on tiktok said 'hey lets comment on random thirst traps and say 'you look just like a character from x movie!' (i forgot the name, the original one had one). like as a fun joke to invent a fake movie from the 80s.

i dont need to point out the obvious comparison here (it was far less organised because it was more about pranking people than pretending the movie was real), but it turned out to be a MARKETING STRATEGY for someones album.

[miamigrandprix]

btw is this a safe space to finally admit i do have a crush on a coworker a lil bit

[xcziel]

feeling nostalgic and watching utube reactors discover classic songs and then feeling both old and incredulous

[rutadales]

I think my least favorite thing that happens in fandom spaces is how overly familiar people act towards you. Like whenever I get a post over 200 notes I have people making jokes in the tags that aren't like outright distressing or gross or anything but that just. idk! are jokes I would only make with people I know. Like "fuck you!" or "oh this is awful" or whatever that's done in a joking tone but it's still weird. You don't know me like that

And it's not so much a problem over here because we are so insular as a community so even if I don't know you guys by name or if we don't follow each other I still recognize the person commenting on my stuff. enough to almost certainly recognize the joking tone instantly and for that familiarity there to be warranted. we're not friends but it's like, yeah! I know this person they've been here forever. It's comfortable.

But in larger spaces that casual familiarity is gone. I've literally never interacted with you before. It's like if you overheard a conversation on the street and just walked in and started joking around with them like you knew them. it's uncomfortable!! and like yes obviously I'm looking for interactions when I post and tag things that's the whole point, so it is inherently different than say a private conversation being intruded on but djakfoofjf just don't act like you know someone you've literally never engaged with at all before.

[running-in-the-dark]

.