#I think my lack of physical affection (hugs) is manifesting as me always thinking about the most huggable dude ever /silly

[doctorsiren]

some sketches from today

[lokisprettygirl]

Hear me now (Jotun Loki x Female Reader AU) (18+)

Read chapter 17 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 18

Summary : You and Loki try to move on from the heartbreak but is it really possible to get over your person?

Trigger Warning : Self destructive behaviour. Lots of crying .

Listen to Go your own way by Fleetwood Mac for full effect.

Your tears didn't stop coming, you really wanted to stop crying but you couldn't. You looked at the passenger seat and it made you want to disappear. You came here with him and now you are going back to the place you came from, all alone, just like you have always been. You turned the radio on and it was just your luck laughing at you because you heard the song 'Go your own way' playing. You had it on vinyl at home but you never played it in these past few months because you didn't want to jinx it. You didn't want him to go a different way.

"Loving you Isn't the right thing to do, How can I ever change things..that I feel If I could maybe I'd give you my world. How can I..When you won't take it from me" you chuckled as the lyrics were such a slap on your face, this unbearable pain that you were feeling was something that you didn't think you will ever be able to heal from. You'd rather get shot again then feel whatever you were feeling right now, at least being shot was quick and you didn't suffer for long.

You died. Just like that. But now you had to live your life with this agony and you just didn't feel strong enough for it. You didn't know how you will do this all alone again, you have gotten so used to his affection, his company in your life that just the thought of walking into that apartment all alone filled you with a never ending dreadful feeling.

As the last chorus blasted on the radio you sped up your car, you weren't thinking, you haven't slept all night, and your chest hurt. All that sorrow and guilt was manifesting itself into a physical symptom.

As you drove past Bruce, he looked at Natasha

"What is she doing, Tash?" Her eyes teared up as he looked at her horrified.

"Follow her..oh god .. follow her" he sped up as well to get closer to you. He was afraid that because of the icy road your car would slip off the edge.

He finally caught up with you as you had stopped on the side, so he parked right behind you. Natasha quickly got out and stepped inside the passenger seat. You were wailing and your screams ripped her heart out. Why would something like this happen to you? She couldn't understand. You helped him and saved him, you loved him unconditionally then why wasn't it returned to you, why would fate fuck you up like this?

She wrapped her arms around your shoulder and pulled you in for a hug as she tried to console you. But she knew it would take a lifetime or more to bring back the girl you were in these past few months. Bruce was right outside leaning against your car, he couldn't even look at you right now, he has never witnessed a person going through such a heartbreaking ordeal before.

.................

When Loki returned to the house, Priscilla crossed her arms,

"Is she gone?" He looked at her as she used that harsh tone for you.

"Do you know she saved me? She's the only reason why I am standing here in front of you" his voice was so soft, he would never be able to talk about you with a lack of tenderness in his heart. He was in love with you and he didn't think his heart would ever accept not having you beside him.

"Is that why you fucked her?" She asked him and his eyes teared up so she sighed "I'm sorry.. I just..I'm jealous alright? I know our relationship hasn't been the most romantic one but when you left I ..I missed you okay?" She walked towards him and cupped his cheeks then she kissed him softly

"I didn't leave, I was shot at and kidnapped against my will, I was tortured" she hugged him but he didn't want to embrace her, he didn't feel her warmth and he didn't understand why she felt so cold all of a sudden. He thought about the last time you hugged him when he came back from the hospital and how distant he was to you. Why did he do that? Why didn't he just hold you tightly when he could have? Now you are gone and his arms are craving to be wrapped around you again. He wanted to cling to you just the way he used to.

"Let's just start afresh, yeah? I need you, Alvis needs you Loki, never forget that you are his father" he nodded as she wiped his tears. Even though his heart wasn't fully into it, he had to fulfill the responsibilities that he carried on his shoulders, that's what he promised Priscilla when he married her and he wasn't the type of man to stray away from the vows he took with her.

.................

After a week when you finally reached NYC, you went to Phil's apartment first instead of yours. Nick was there too so you told Phil that you'd come later but he stopped you and introduced you to him, he had to be at work soon so he kissed Phil goodbye and you forced a smile at him

"You are back so soon, did you find his home?" Your eyes teared up as he asked you that

"I did..His home, his memories, his wife..his kid, I found everything" tears choked your voice and he instantly knew how heartbroken you must feel so he hugged you tightly. He feared that something like this could have been a possibility but he never wanted it to come to life. He could see how disheveled you looked, you weren't sleeping or eating or drinking water. You didn't want to do anything.

"I can't believe that he is married…oh god I'm sorry honey I'm sorry" you sobbed at the mention of his marriage. He made you sit down on the couch and he held a glass of water over your mouth so you took a sip and then he laid you down on the couch. As you felt his hand caressing your head, you finally got a few hours of uninterrupted sleep after a week.

And then you dreamt of Bluey, he was there with you, just holding onto you tightly, sniffing your neck, writing love notes for you, purring when you scratched his scalp and tilting his head when you said something he didn't understand. But when you woke up you were thrown deeper into the cruel reality again. Bluey was gone and he wasn't coming back. Things that once made you so happy only hurt you in the moment.

You picked up Cat and finally decided to work up the courage to go to your own apartment.

Mistake, it was a huge mistake because as soon as you stepped inside you broke down again. Every corner of that small dingy place reminded you of him. Your bedsheet still smelled like him, that framed love confession on the drawer pierced your heart, the books you got for him were scattered on the floor where he used to sit and read, the notebook had his writing scribbled on it. You could see him standing next to the window staring out at the world, and you hoped that he was happy now that he was living in it. You saw him in the kitchen hugging you from behind and everything just hurt you deeply.

You have never felt such pain in your life and you didn't think you would ever go through such a loss again. You lost a part of yourself. When he was here you feared that he'd leave someday and you hoped that his memories would be enough to get you by but they had become your weakness instead.

You slid the glass of the freezer aside , it wasn't turned on so you placed the blanket and the pillow he used to sleep on at the bottom, and climbed in.

You looked up at the ceiling and just stared at it for a while until the exhaustion from all the crying made you pass out eventually. Atleast you could have him in your dreams, nobody can take that away from you.

..............

Loki woke up early in the morning, took a shower. He looked at himself in the mirror and decided to do his hair the way you did for him sometimes. Two braids from the side which he tucked it behind his head, then he pulled the few strands out on his face. You always told him how beautiful he looked like that and your giggling face flashed in front of his eyes.

His eyes teared up at the memory, he couldn't stop even if he wanted to. You were all alone there and he just wanted to run to you. He just wanted to hold you, place his head between the crook of your neck and cry his heart out because he hasn't been able to do that around Priscilla. Crying in front of her always felt like a weakness. He was a god and gods shouldn't pertain to such frailty.

He was wearing a trouser so he just wrapped a shawl around him to cover his bare body and stepped out of the house to walk around the village. He smiled as the kids flocked around him, they were so happy to see him return. Then he looked at her, Darcy, he remembered her staring at him and you very intensely when he came back here. She ran away, so he followed her, he knew where exactly she'd go.

"You have been avoiding me" she gasped as she heard him behind her, she was out by the lake, picking up the flowers. Lavender and Roses, his favorite, her mother made the most beautiful flower bouquets to sell them in the city.

"I'm not avoiding you loki, how are you?" She asked him and he smiled

"I am.. back. You didn't come to see me" she sighed as he said that. Darcy saw Loki when he returned with a woman by his side and two other people. She didn't know who she was but she knew something was going on between them.

"I was busy, how's Priscilla?" He looked away as she questioned him

"She's ..my wife" she chuckled at the confirmation. She knew that very well and she hated it to say the least.

"That girl seemed nice, the one who brought you here" Loki's lips curved into a smile as he thought about you.

"She is nice, very decent.. one of her kind, truly" his eyes teared up but he kept smiling.

"So just like you?" Darcy responded and he chuckled.

"So why were you avoiding me?" He asked her as he plucked a rose and gave it to her so she could keep it in her basket.

"Why would I avoid you brother?"

"I don't know dear, it's been a week but you didn't come and talk my ears off like you used to before" her eyes teared up because she never wanted to ignore him like that. She was 5 when Loki came here, he still looked the same, but she grew up. At first she worshiped him like the god he was, just how rest of the villagers did but soon she developed a brotherly bond with him. It was really hard on her when he disappeared all of a sudden.

That's why when he came back and she learned that he was shot by someone, her heart broke. Reason why she was glaring at him and others that day, not with malice but with concern and care for the man who always protected her like they were siblings by birth .

"I just.. Do you trust the people you are close with?" She asked him and he nodded

"Absolutely"

"What if you find out that they have betrayed you?"

He looked at her curiously as she asked that.

"I'd be hurt, obviously. Why did you ask, little one? Pray tell me"

She changed the topic after that as she didn't want to cause any trouble but it didn't sit right with him. She caught him up on the village gossip and everything he had missed in the last five months.

When he went home, Priscilla had Alvis around her arm and she was going somewhere

"I'm going into the city to get groceries, since you are here now and I have run out of meat and stuff" she told him and he nodded,

"Is Brutus not selling us the meat anymore?" He asked her and she fidgeted around nervously.

"I just don't think it's very hygienic to eat that" he raised his brow at the remark. Where was this coming from ? "Besides I have to buy some other things as well and you keep asking for tea so I will get that for you" He felt guilty as he noticed the concern in her voice, he wished he was able to love her the way a husband was supposed to love his wife.

"Okay be careful dear, you are taking Alvis with you?" He enquired and she shook her head.

"I'm gonna leave him with Debra, she has been helping me take care of him, while you left us here..alone"

The guilt dissipated a little as she kept using that word for him. He didn't leave on his own accord, it bothered him to the core but he didn't want to argue with her.

He went upstairs to his room, he had his own garden in the back of the house and everything had died in there since no-one was taking care of the crops, so he wanted to flourish it and grow it again. He really enjoyed growing food and herbs for Priscilla and Alvis. His eyes fell upon the long overcoat in the closet, the one that you had put on him when he was coming here so he took it off the hanger, there was an envelope Inside the pocket and his eyes teared up.

He knew what it was. He went to the backyard, laid down on the floor over the snowy bed and opened the envelope. It had pictures of you and him with Cat that Phil gave to him. He missed that little ball of fluff alot. It also had pictures of you from before he met you, a smile crept on his face as his fingers brushed over your pretty features.

"Hello my darling, how are you? I miss you" his eyes welled up more as he continued to look at you, he could see the clear difference between the photos you took before you met him and the ones you took after. Your eyes didn't seem sad in the ones where he was with you. He had missed looking at your face and these pictures exacerbated that feeling but he didn't want your memories to wound him, he wanted it to keep him going instead.

"I hope you miss me too, my darling little love, but I also wish for you to smile today, you haven't done that since you left, have you?" He turned sideways and perched himself on his elbow while he flipped through the same photos over and over again.

"I wish I could have told you how beautiful you are to me" he mumbled again as he wiped his tears with his fingers.

He missed you so much and it was killing him slowly, more and more everyday.

If he was a free man you'd be here right now, right here, on top of him or better yet, under him while he'd love each and every inch of you. Intimately and thoroughly, using his mouth, his fingers, his cock, he just wanted to drown you in gratification. He wanted to whisper the words of affirmation in your ears while he'd make sweet tender love to you, something he has never been able to do before, he was incapable of verbalising his desires before and now that he was, he didn't have you writhing and convulsing under him.

Before his thoughts could wander off even more he reminded himself that he wasn't a free man and he had to stop thinking of you like that. But he wasn't able to stop. You made him feel so strong but he was so weak for you.

................

Another week passed and you had to go to the research facility to grab whatever stuff you had left in your assigned locker or they would discard it. Stark shut down the facility a week prior and now you had to find another job as well. The NDA you signed with SI was null and void now, thankfully. As you stepped inside the building, the memories hit you like a train. You had spent 5 years around here and this is where you met your Bluey, the love of your life. Once you grabbed your stuff, your feet dragged itself to the chamber on the ground floor, the door was left wide open so you stepped inside.

This is where it all began for you two, you gave him the sandwich and he growled like a puppy, then he peeked his head up to look at you when he gave you the empty wrapper as a return gift. You still had it in your box of Bluey memories. You kept every gift he gave you except the ice because it melted. Just like your heart for him.

You sat down on the edge of the pool, it was dark, only a fluorescent bulb was lit in the corner of the chamber so you closed your eyes and refreshed the memories of your first meeting with him.

That made you cry and laugh, all at once. Life wasn't getting any easier without him but not a day goes by where you regret the moment you found him here and helped him escape. It was true that you wouldn't be in such miserable affliction if it wasn't for him but then you also wouldn't have found out what it was like to meet that one person who finally satisfied what your soul craved.

It craved intimacy that went beyond your bodies. You found him and sure you lost him but for those few months where you were loved by the man of your dreams, they undoubtedly were the best days of your life. You'd rather have his memories than not have him at all.

You were loved immensely, selflessly and unconditionally by him.

That's when you realized something.

That's when your heart knew that no matter how wrong your relationship was, considering your situations, there was no doubt that he still loved you. Just the way you still loved him.

❤️‍🩹💚❤️‍🩹💚❤️‍🩹💙💙💙❤️‍🩹💚❤️‍🩹💚❤️💚

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[five-rivers]

Darkness/Poison

This is part of the ‘Doorways’ series (aka Danny is an eldritch abomination and Jack and Maddie have no normal friends so they decide to go on a road trip to make sure none of their friends from college have become semi-satanic soul-eating holes in reality AU).  

AO3 link to series.

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The Fenton Ghost Assault Vehicle did not have the smoothest ride in the world, but Danny was used to it.  Also, he had driven the Specter Speeder through the Carnivorous Canyon and ridden in Johnny 13’s sidecar.

Point being, if his parents didn’t want him to fall asleep, they should have told him.  Or, at least, not dragged him out of bed at four thirty in the morning (both to get an early start and to avoid the reporters and other undesirables who had taken to circling Fentonworks like vultures).

Look.  Danny might have been an unspeakable eldritch horror, a superhero, and one of the richest human beings on the face of the Earth, but he was also a teenager.  Not to mention sleep deprived.  

Besides, Mom and Dad had said their next Paranormal Research Club friend was miles and miles away.  They wouldn’t reach his town until much later in the day.  Danny had plenty of time to sleep safely.  

Which is why he was so disgruntled when Dad shook him awake with a cheery “We’re here!”

“Where’s here?” asked Danny, rubbing his eyes and noting sadly how far away his portal back in Amity Park was.  

“Breakfast,” said Jazz, voice heavy with sleep.  Apparently, he wasn’t the only one trying to take advantage.  

“’Kay,” said Danny, briefly wrestling with the seatbelt.  He caught Mom staring as he opened the door.  “What?” he asked frowning.  

“Nothing,” she said, unconvincingly.

Whatever.  Danny could figure it out later, when he was more awake.  He jumped to the ground.  

“I think you guys will really like it here!” said Dad, waving at the building.  “The food’s great!  An old friend owns the place.  Your mom and I used to come here all the time before you were born, when we were commuting between Amity and Chicago.”

Danny nodded along, staring up at the neon sign that read ‘Red Flower Dinner.’  Then his brain caught up, and he slowly turned his head to look at Dad.  

“’Old friend,’” he said.  “What do you mean old friend?”

Dad blinked at him, uncomprehending.  Jazz came to his rescue.  

“Dad, we’re doing this whole trip because all of your old friends are lunatics,” she explained.  

“They’re not!” said Dad, defensively.  “Besides, Marianne was never part of our club.  She didn’t even go to U of M.”

“She was a waitress at our favorite hangout,” explained Mom.  “She got enough saved to buy this restaurant around the time we graduated.  She’s few years older than us.”

“Saved?  I thought a relative died, and she got an inheritance?” asked Dad.

Danny groaned.  “Do you not see how suspicious that is?”

“Come on, Danno!  We can have normal friends.”

“No, you can’t.  If a normal thing ever interacts with our family in any way, it immediately becomes abnormal simply because of how unlikely it is for anything like that to happen.”  He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes until he saw stars.  

“He’s got a point,” said Jazz.  “Maybe we could go to a different dinner?”

“But,” said Dad, “she makes the best breakfast. And she really is normal.  She wasn’t involved in any ghost stuff.”

“Are you really telling me you never talked to her about ghost stuff at all?” asked Danny, suspiciously.  

“Well, we did,” said Dad.  “But we talk to everyone about ghost stuff.”  

“Dad…”

Dad inhaled and heaved a huge sigh, shoulders sagging.  “Alright, Danno.  I get what you’re saying.  We can go somewhere else…  Even if it won’t be as good.”

Okay.  Now Danny felt bad.  

Unfair.  

“Well,” he said.  “I guess we could check and make sure she’s not, you know, haunted or anything.  That’s why we’re doing this, I guess.”

Dad brightened immediately, and Danny had to grab the back of his shirt to keep him from running in.  

“But remember, if I say we have to go, we have to go.  That’s the deal.”

Dad nodded.  Danny let go.   He sighed as Dad disappeared into the building.  

“Is the food really that good?” asked Danny.

“Marianne grows a lot of her own herbs,” offered Mom with a shrug.  “Everything she makes is at least decent.  But, well,” she grimaced as she held the door open for her children. “The reason we liked her so much was that she always seemed interested in our research.  We liked talking to someone who took us seriously.”

“Wonderful,” deadpanned Jazz.

The décor inside the dinner was bright red and floral.  The seats and benches were upholstered in shiny, dyed leather.  A long glass counter displayed pies and other desserts under bright lights.  The air was warm and smelled faintly of cherries.  A radio station played quietly in the background, blurring the chatter of the other guests.  

Danny rubbed his eyes again.  Ugh.  He was tired. Sleeping in a moving vehicle was a special kind of unrestful.  Heh. Unrestful dead.  More like unrested dead.  That was him.  

(Someday, he was going to track down the first person to say, ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead,’ and give them a stern talking to.)

“Marianne!” boomed Dad, waving at someone in the kitchen behind the order window.

There was a gasp.  “Jack Fenton!  Is that you?” A woman with greying brown curls leaned out, then ducked away briefly before reappearing through a door.  “I haven’t seen you in years!”  She threw her arms out, hugging first Dad and then Mom.

Danny bristled at the perceived threat to his parents but managed to control himself.  This was nothing.  Everything was fine.  Just because every one of his parents’ friends so far had something weird and potentially fatal going on so far, it didn’t give him the right to police their every interaction with other human beings.  

“Are these your kids?” asked Marianne, excitedly. “Oh, my goodness, you must be Jazz, and you’re Danny?  I’ve only seen you in pictures, but you’ve grown so much.  You’ll be as tall as your dad in no time.”

“Hope so,” said Danny, knowing there was no chance of that happening whatsoever.

Not with his human body, anyway.  

“I hope we’ll get a chance to talk,” she continued, “but I have things on the stove.  Why don’t you go ahead and find a seat?  We’ll get to you soon.”

“Looking forward to it, Marianne!” said Dad, waving again.  

“Is she alright?” asked Mom quietly as they slid into a corner booth.  

Danny wound up in between Mom and Jazz, which was good, because Dad tended to elbow whoever he was sitting by.  In this case, Mom, who could take it.

“I think so?” He rubbed his eyes.  “But I can’t just sense everything. Don’t forget that.”

“Stop rubbing your eyes,” said Mom.  

“They’re itchy,” said Danny.  “I think I got some sleep sand in them or something.”

Mom’s expression softened.  Danny blinked at it and wondered when he’d gotten so used to seeing an edge of suspicion on her face.  

“It could be allergies,” she said.  “It’s that time of year.  Or it could be that you keep rubbing them.”  She tugged his hands away from his face.  “Either way, it isn’t healthy to keep touching your eyes, sweetie.”

It wasn’t that she didn’t have a point, but Danny wasn’t entirely sure he could get sick.  Not anymore.  Maybe if he was far enough away from Amity Park, spread thin enough between his two major physical manifestations…  If his body was human enough…  Maybe figuring that out could be a fun family bonding experience.  Not.  

He yawned.  He wanted to go back to sleep.  Being in here, with the warm scented air and not-quite-white background noise, only made slumber more inviting.  

Still.  His family’s ability to protect themselves was lacking.  Danny at least had to stay conscious in case Marianne decided to channel the spirit of Locusta or something.  Ancients, wouldn’t that be typical?  

A waiter came, introduced themself, and handed out menus.  Danny failed to process most of the waiter’s prepared speech, and his eyes drifted down to the menu.  

It seemed… normal, for lack of a better word. Slightly worn, a couple stains on the paper behind the plastic protector.  The pages had a border of blotchy red flowers.  The items were all typical breakfast foods.  Nothing jumped out at him.  

He wasn’t even hungry.  Actually, if he thought about it, he was a little nauseated. Sometimes that happened when he didn’t eat for a while, though, so maybe he was hungry, after all?

Why did bodies have to be so complicated?

“What are you getting?” asked Jazz, who was morally unable to make a food order until she’d taken a poll.  

“I don’t know,” said Danny, folding his arms on the table and letting his head rest on them.  “I’ll probably just get whatever you’re getting.”

Jazz frowned at him and repeated the question to their parents.

The waiter came back after a few minutes.  

“I’ll have the Variety Breakfast!” said Dad, excitedly.  

“The number five, please,” said Maddie. “Sausage links, not bacon.”

“Um,” said Jazz.  “How about the Red Flower Special?”

“Excellent choice,” said the waiter, smiling. “Marianne grows all the seasonings for that herself, and the presentation is lovely.”

“I mean, it’s pancakes, right?” asked Jazz, nervously.  

“It is, it is.  What would you like for your side?”  It took just a few seconds for the waiter to get the rest of Jazz’s order, then they turned to Danny.  “And what are you having today?”

“Same as her,” said Danny, waving in Jazz’s general direction.  

“Good choice, good choice,” said the waiter.  “We’ll be back soon!”

“Thanks!” said Dad.  He reached over Mom to pat Danny on the shoulder.  “See?  This is just a completely normal restaurant.”

“Mhm,” said Danny, dubiously.  He’d believe it when he got out of here with his questionably mortal coil and squishy, murderable human family intact.    

Okay.  Maybe he was being a bit overdramatic, now.  Was it because he was too far from the Amity portal?  He’d been sure it wouldn’t significantly affect him, though. It wasn’t as if physical distance meant much in this context.  Sure, he wasn’t on his home turf, but still…

Of course, he was a teenager. Teenagers were supposed to be overdramatic.  At least, that’s what he’d heard.  Being a teenager didn’t come with a manual any more than being a half-ghost superhero did, quirky TV shows about middle school notwithstanding.  

Yeah.  That sounded reasonable.  He was a teenager who’d been woken early, and it was still early, and that meant the world was terrible.  Excellent math.  

He sipped at the water the waiter had left him, pleased with himself.  

Which is when his and Jazz’s orders arrived. Danny caught a glimpse of red on him plate, abruptly recognized the prickling feeling in his eyes, expelled the water he was drinking from his nose, and propelled himself sideways across Mom and Dad and out of the booth.  

“Ah!” he said, pointing at the red-tinted pancakes and the pretty little flowers on top.  

The plating really was nice.  Just like the waiter said.  

The whole dinner was staring at him.

“He’s got allergies,” explained Jazz, her voice just a little too high pitched.  “Just—Really horrible allergies.  To flowers like this.”

“Blood blossoms,” said Danny.  He was reasonably certain the things wouldn’t kill him, he wasn’t sure that anything short of something like Gula could kill him, but every encounter he had with them had been painful beyond belief, and he doubted that their being cooked would help very much with that.  

“Right.  Blood blossoms.  The name always slips by me…  Haha.”

“Oh my gosh,” said Marianne, rushing out of the kitchen.  “I am so sorry.  I didn’t know anyone was allergic to them!  It’s just, you guys always talked about how they were lucky, and they got rid of bad spirits, so I thought I’d incorporate them, and they’re red, which is also lucky, and they taste so good—”

“Marianne,” said Mom, poking at one of the flowers, “where did you even get these?  I thought they were extinct.”

“Oh,” said Marianne, “my uncle, the one who died, well I guess they’re all dead, now, but…  The one who left me enough to buy the dinner?  He worked in seed conservation.  I got his personal collection.”  She sniffed, apparently on the edge of tears.  

“Ah,” said Mom, glancing at Danny.  “That’s interesting.  Um.”  She slid out of the booth.  “I’m really sorry, Marianne, but,” she gestured in Danny’s direction.  “Food allergies.”

“He’s had breakouts just from being around them, before,” added Jazz, helpfully.  

“Oh, no, no, I understand.  Um.  One second, let me give you my number, I don’t want to fall out of contact again, oh, dear.  Tracy! Give me your notepad!”

It took several more minutes for all the Fentons to make their way back outside, most of which Danny spent staring into the dinner through the large front windows, keeping an eye on his family. Maybe he didn’t have ‘allergies’ in the typical sense but being around blood blossoms was making his skin itch and prickle unpleasantly.  

Eventually, however, after Dad had shoved most of his order down his throat in a single go, they all got back into the GAV.  

“Oh. My. Gosh,” said Jazz.  “You two have no normal friends.”

[jace-todd]

Slack

@oh-faithful-inner-demons this is totally not about the headcanon you posted a little bit ago, pssh totally not but uhh enjoy anyway~ I tried to use some of your headcanons in this too!! Sorry if it's not that good- I decided to go with the first part of the headcanon, becoming slack in a hug to focus on Aizawa and Hitoshi's relationship as Father-Son but I'm still open to writing a second piece-

Word count: 2,069

You can read it online right here on my Archive

warning for bullying, jumping (as in bullies cornering a student after school hours to beat on them, i'm sorry hitoshi), neglectful parents, abandonment

There were only two people in the whole world who knew how weak Hitoshi was for affection. Affection was never something Hitoshi got a lot of when he was growing up. His parents were firm believers that vulnerability would only aid in you getting soft and getting yourself killed out there in ‘the real world.’ When he was four, not long after his quick manifested, all of the early affection he received to keep childhood development on path disappeared altogether. Maybe every now and then, his mother would ruffle his hair when she’d finish a long shift at the hospital - too tired to even remember her hatred.

At school, without friends, Hitoshi didn’t get to experience friendly hugs. He didn’t have that one friend who’d practically vibrate in their seat when he’d enter the room in the morning, calling out his name with greetings and asking all about his previous afternoon. That one friend didn’t exist so they never pulled him close in between classes, an arm thrown over his shoulders, talking loudly in his ears to combat Hitoshi’s natural silence. That one friend who understood that Hitoshi didn’t feel comfortable talking - not with his quirk as villainous as it was, not with his quirk putting up the risk it did merely by interacting with anyone. That one friend who’d sit next to him at lunch, against a tree, their entire body shoved against his side - completely foreign to something called personal space.

What he got instead were people leaving the seats around HItoshi empty every year, too afraid to go near the kid with the villainous quirk and the absent parents and the snarky personality. They whispered behind his back rumors about how he was the one that leaked the test results two weeks ago, he was the one that made Miyuki punch Kako in the fact yesterday after she hung out with him. The only kind of company and touch Hitoshi received were pushes in the hallways and jumpings behind school. Instead of hair ruffles Hitoshi’s hair would be held tight in a fist to maneuver back to punch him in the face. Instead of hands holding his, feet ground against them until he broke his promise to not show signs of weakness. Instead of hugs, arms kept him from slumping to the ground hit after hit landed.

After a while, Hitoshi stopped expecting to get affection from anyone. It became easier to expect the worst, assume that anyone who got close only wanted to hurt him. Unfortunately, it made Hitoshi’s life easier - knowing the world already wanted to hurt him prepared him for the worst. It prepared him for when his parents up and left two weeks before he started UA - no real explanation, just a final argument between him and his father that ended with Hitoshi silently heading to his room and hiding. When he came out for his work-out the next morning, their rooms were empty and money was left on the counter.

Life really became lonely after that. School was awkward and quiet - coming home to an empty house made it seem even worse. At least when his parents were still around, one of them would be home by the time he got back from school. They wouldn’t greet him but at least Hitoshi knew someone was there. Now though, there were no one to glance in his direction, to eat dinner with, to awkwardly stare at when they found each other in the middle of the night doing their own thing. He had the entire place to himself.

Then Eraser-head started mentoring him. After the Sports festival, being pulled aside during homeroom to talk to his favorite hero had felt like a fever dream. The minute he walked away, Hitoshi pinched his arm three times just to be completely sure that it wasn’t. Starting up training had been learning where Hitoshi’s boundaries were, being taught how to use Aizawa’s - Aizawa, Hitoshi gets to call his favorite hero by his name - original capture device, and figuring out their own dynamic. Every minute kept Hitoshi on his toes, exhausted with lack of sleep and too much working out, but more energetic and happy than he’d been in years.

Their interactions started out as just mentor-mentee. Aizawa was trying Hitoshi to get into the hero course, to get enough strength and control to impress the Board, Hitoshi was learning everything he could from his idol. It was strictly business. And then Aizawa broke first, offering Hitoshi a trip to get some food and water down at a cat cafe, not even two blocks from the school. Hitoshi had flushed, unused to any sort of attention from the hero outside of these training sessions. He had agreed without thinking too much and for the next two hours, Hitoshi found himself pouring out more information about himself than he’d told anyone in his entire life.

Two days later, Hitoshi perfected one of the hardest maneuvers to learn after only a month. Aizawa had given him that weird smiling-but-not-smiling thing of his and reached out. He initially flinched away, expecting the worst but the hand just slowed down. A moment later, it dropped onto his head and ruffled his hair. Hitoshi did not tear up. He didn’t, really. If there was one lesson his father taught him that stuck was that crying meant vulnerability and weakness. However, Hitoshi did feel lightheaded at the sudden affection.

Aizawa ever-observant kept it on his head a moment or two too long before letting go, nodding in the direction of their jungle gym, telling him to get going.

The next couple of months passed pretty much the same. Slowly, Aizawa integrated casual affections into their interactions. Whenever Hitoshi did something well, Aizawa ruffled his hair. When Hitoshi smiled, Aizawa gave it back. Eventually, when Hitoshi started to open up, Aizawa did the same - it was a sign of trust. They were going good - Aizawa and Hitoshi had what he was slightly afraid to call a father-son dynamic, Hitoshi was already admitted into the hero course, Aizawa was getting through physical therapy steadily and surely.

And then Aizawa came into their usual weekend breaks to the cat cafe with a manilla folder. Hitoshi was pressed against the back of the cat cafe, sipping at the strong coffee he had ordered when he arrived, stroking the back of the tabby on his lap, reading the latest comic he got his hands on. When the little ding of the door closing rang out, he lifted his head out of the pages to see who it was. Aizawa lifted a hand in greeting, heading straight to him rather than get his usual strong coffee and retrieval of his favorite cat.

Immediately, Hitoshi felt a pit rise in his stomach. This was it, this was where Aizawa decided Hitoshi wasn’t fit to be in the hero’s life anymore, wasn’t fit to be a hero, that he had come to his senses and Hitoshi would be nothing more than a low-life villain. He stuffed the comic back into his bookbag, careful with it despite the way his hands were starting to shake and he was getting light-headed. “Aizawa-Sensei? Is everything okay?”

Aizawa slid into the seat across from him, “Everything’s fine, Hitoshi. Take a deep breath for me, okay?” He didn’t want to take a deep breath. What he wanted was for Aizawa to just rip the bandage off so he could leave. One of Aizawa’s hands disappeared from view for a moment before coming back with one of the fidget toys he kept around for his kids. In a sign of peace, he put it in the middle of the table and Hitoshi took it, swiftly working it over with practiced ease.

It worked well to calm him down enough to hear what Aizawa wanted to tell him. “What’s in the folder, Sensei?”

The teacher flipped it around so that it was facing Hitoshi before opening it. “See for yourself, kid.” Staring back at Hitoshi in big bold letters were the words ‘Report of Adoption.’ The world stopped as Hitoshi read through it all. His biological parents had been contacted and had signed over custody already, Aizawa and Yamada’s information were nearly completely filled out except for the very last signature, which left only Hitosh’s section empty.

“Are...Are you serious?” He couldn’t look away from the papers, going through them over and over again just to make sure he wasn’t missing anything. Surely, there was his mother’s signature and then his father’s. On the other page, neat Shouta Aizawa stood above Hizashi Yamada.

Aizawa nodded, “I’m completely serious. It’s only logical considering your living arrangements and the multitude of arising issues as you enter the hero course next year. Hitoshi, you deserve to have someone who cares about you and whether you make it home safely or not. Hizashi and I have already spoken it over and we’ve contacted our lawyers. Before we continue anything else, I needed to tell you. Do you consent to being adopted by Hizashi and I?”

Did he consent? Did he consent to being taken in by the hero that kept Hitoshi going his entire childhood? Did he consent from having to leave the one place that was always home to him to move to a brand new location, a brand new layout, a brand new family? Everything between them would change again. He would have to readjust, find himself and where their limits were - surely, they would have rules and strict No’s for him. Maybe they’d regret adopting him not even a week into their legal adoption and then it’d all be for nothing. Maybe Eri would fear him and he’d leave. Not that he’d mind it. Eri and her had interacted plenty of times but he knew he made the little girl uncomfortable.

But Hitoshi wanted it. He wanted it more than he’s ever wanted anything in his entire life. Hitoshi wanted to wake up to Hizashi’s singing in the mirrors as he cooked breakfast. He wanted to wake up to his own cat pressed against his side. He wanted to step out of his room in the morning, dressed for the hero course, and see Eri leaving her own room, smiling up at him while he smiled down. He wanted to be able to walk home with Aizawa after training rather than have to go separate ways every day. Above all else, Hitoshi just wanted to be loved.

“I- I consent.” Aizawa’s smile was toothy and a little lopsided but Hitoshi didn’t really see it past his own tears. He hadn’t cried since he was six and had scraped his knee badly enough to need a hospital trip. This was the biggest thing in his life, the biggest change surpassing the hero course with ease.

The cat had already scurried off, leaving Hitoshi’s hands and lap free once he dropped the fidget toy. He stood up, rounding to Aizawa’s side. The hero stood up as well, and Aizawa reached a hand out to ruffle his hair no doubt. No more did Hitoshi flinch but he didn’t let the hand reach him. Instead, Hitoshi threw himself forward, wrapping his arms tight around Aizawa’s shoulders, tucking his head in the crook of his arm and Aizawa’s neck. Aizawa returned the hug, holding on even tighter than Hitoshi was, one hand on his back and the other curled around purple hair.

He let the emotions and relief finally escape him, completely silent sobs racking his body as he went limp, letting the hero hold his weight for him. Aizawa grunted, planting his feet more strategically before shushing him, “I’ve got you, Hitoshi, you’re safe, you’re okay.”

Aizawa didn’t budge under Hitoshi’s weight - even if the teen was nearly as tall and as heavy as the hero was, steadily starting to surpass him even. For nearly five minutes they stood there, Aizawa supporting both their weights, talking softly to Hitoshi the entire time, telling him to let it out, that he would be there and so would Hizashi no matter what Hitoshi needed. Unfortunately, Aizawa’s straining muscles eventually caused them to both slide to the floor, still gripping each other tight, Hitoshi slack in his arms.

They didn’t need to move anytime soon so Aizawa let the kid remain there. After all, it was about damn time Hitoshi got some well-earned affection.

[hearthandhomemagick]

Cottage Witch Journal Entry - Aphrodite's Hugs

I danced with Aphrodite in the shower, and knew I had a friend.

I placed delicate rose petals around a jar for abundance and love, allowing the aroma of Cherry Blossom to fill the air. A Calcite Crystal here, Pink Himalayan Salt boulder there, and a divine bouquet of pink flowers in the corner for offering.

I leave my bracelets, necklaces and rings there for her. She touches their gentle beauty and blesses them as I get ready. My mirror is where we communicate. Where she real-talks with me and forces me to be kinder to myself. She offers physical affection, the ignition of loving relationships, and a self-love unlike any other. She whispers love songs to me and holds my hand when I'm too harsh on my belly rolls. She reminds me that there is no perfection without the exciting faults. She explains that standing in your warrior can mean standing in solidarity with love.

She is a Goddess. A spirit. A Higher Being.

Or maybe, she is simply an embodiment of part's of humanity I need or want to embrace.

Maybe she's my Higher Self teaching me through the guise of Aphrodite.

Or maybe....

"Maybe" is a lot to ask when it comes to spirituality.

"Maybe's" hit every religion on the head and tells you, "Question the reality you were given."

"Maybe" tells us there is an equal chance of us being wrong or right.

A lot of speculation for something that simply represents one thing.

Love.

I used to hate myself.

And some days I still do. I look at myself and don't appreciate what I see. Rationality loses it's luster and suddenly the spiral begins.

Sometimes, it takes a melt down to melt away the sticky residue of self-hate and resentment. And in my case, that is what happened.

I had just started on my journey with Aphrodite. I had been feeling this urge to come to learn about her for a while, and simply denied it with ease. I'm agnostic in nature, so looking up to a Goddess from Ancient Greece didn't strike that interest chord in my logical mind. In that regard, I misunderstood Aphrodite and who she could be/could have been.

Truth is, Aphrodite stems much further back than Ancient Greece. And she was also represented as much more than the Goddess of Love.

In history, she was portrayed in a war protecting her followers, a fire ignited to fight for the ones she loved. She also has connections to death from mourning loved ones. And her following (which was considered a cult following back in Ancient Greece) dates back all the way to the Venus of Willendorf, which was perceived as an over exaggerated female body that was believed to be worshiped as the fertility goddess/goddess of feminine beauty.

Aphrodite is simply a name, in my perspective. I feel as though the presence of love and it's spiritual essence comes to us in different shapes and forms.

In truth, I also feel as though people created higher beings to feel as though they have some sort of control over their lives. Or, to offer the lack of control in their lives to something bigger than themselves. I like to think of human's as very creative creatures. Every higher being has human traits that we deem desirable, and yet the traits they truly have if they do exist are further beyond our comprehension than just sex and fertility God's being married to War God's.

So then the question is, why do we actively humanize a Higher Power that is no where close to being Human? Like, what if all of the God's and Pantheons that existed in the past are simply human's who made a forceful impact on the people around them, allowing people in position of power to control the people who lack power?

Think about it. Aphrodite offers the very innate human need for love, sex, fertility and so on. Love, having a plethora of meanings and explorations across the board, can be defined only by the individual. And even then, a proper definition could not uphold or even come close to truly explaining the nature that is love. So, what should a human do, to or about, something they cannot fully comprehend or define?

The human creates a solid figure who offers the answers. You manifest an individual who looks human, acts human, has human tendencies and stories. You praise a higher being, a goal in essence, that you can only hope to understand one day.

And thus, a God is born.

And yet...none of that speculation matters.

You see, we spend our lives looking for the answers to things. Seeking truths that may never come to light. Following deities that may or may not exist.

Whether I praise Aphrodite tonight, or sit in silence and meditation doesn't fucking matter. Because the value of my own humanity is what matters.

Yes, I do want to personify Aphrodite. I do want to feel her hugs and warmth. I do want to have sex in her name and bring honor to the love she has shown me. Does it matter whether she is real or not?

No.

Because her stories mean something to me. Because her truths mean something to me. Because she means something to me. The same way SpongeBob taught us positivity can bring more happiness and fun times. The same way Lilo and Stitch taught us about family. It doesn't matter where your morals, values and stories come from....so long as they mean something to you.

So, is Aphrodite real? Well, she is as real as I want her to be. And that is more than okay.

I have many more thoughts on this, but I wanted to kind of discuss it in honor of Aphrodite's month of April. Aphrodite is the only Deity I have felt connected with without the pressure. She is the free spirit I want to see in myself. She is the beauty and love I wish to guide my life with.

So, to Aphrodite, I appreciate your presence.

I love you.

If you have any thoughts or ideas on this matter, let's open the conversation and discuss it together. I am always open and interested in what others think. Especially when it comes to religion or spirituality.

[thataveragewriter]

Connor x Reader - Calm

A/N: so, i’m back!  yay for update, you’ve probably seen my update posts and recently been in my feels for a while i tried to put it in these fics and ... yea! there will be updates as usual,s l o w but updates nonetheless. i have all requests drafted i need some motivation. so if you wanna request an update from a specific fic then send it in! thanks!

For the past few days Connor had not been feeling… the usual. Lately, his mind would be overflown with emotions due to his recent deviancy and he didn’t understand what was going on. The transition proved to be an enduring and difficult task, more so than the usual missions given at the precinct. When Connor would run into Gavin in the staff room and experience a torrent of insults, he would feel the thirium in his veins boil. A sudden wave of anger and helplessness would overcome the deviant.

Today hit him the worst. Whilst on a recent case with Hank and hunting other radical deviants, Connor was faced with the anguished faces of fellow deviants as he watched their lives drain away. Connor clutch at the sudden tightness in his chest where his mechanical core was and felt a wave of discomfort envelop him. Hank noticed this and placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.

“Hank…I… I don’t seem to feel well, my diagnostics aren’t picking up anything. I-“ Hank didn’t need any diagnostics to let him know what was happening.

‘damn [y/n] the one day I need you, ya ain’t here’ Hank cursed in his mind.

“Listen, son I think it’s best for ya to take the day off. Go see [y/n], take a nap or whatever just…go I’ll handle this” the older male tells the deviated android. Connor looks at Hank with a look of melancholy, his eye searching for an answer that’s yet to be discovered.

As Connor was about to interject with an argument, Hank the wise old man he is, beat the dejected android to it.

“Don’t try and argue with me, boy. I got this” he said as he gave Connor a comforting squeeze on his shoulder. A small sign of reassurance. With that the lieutenant left his partner to ponder. Connor stood there for a solid minute debating of what to do. Whether he should bother you with his illogical problems or sort them out himself. Connor let out a frustrated groan as he reached up to cover his face from the world. With one final sigh, the male removed his hands and strode forward with a sole purpose in mind.

Getting an off day from work seemed unreal so you decided you’d enjoy it to the most by lazing around. The precinct hadn’t called you once during the whole day which meant no interruption to your leisure day. As you lay sprawled on your couch, there was three light consecutive knocks on your door. The perfect rhythm of the sound seemed a little too…unhuman.

With caution, you slowly approach the door. Your nerves slightly twitching due to the sudden interruption to your slow day. As you were about to peek though the peephole, the knocks sounded again. Slightly startled, you open the door.

“Detective [y/n], I-I… Please I need help.”

Connor stood in your doorway with a hand clutched to his chest and his eyes pleading for help; a deeper sense of understanding. The utter desperation that seeped through his words hit your right in the chest. A heavy feeling of solemnness seemed to follow this deep gaze. His profound brown eyes held a certain void and a cloud of confusion.

“Connor…” you start in a quiet whisper. You hurriedly usher him inside and close the door. The male stands idly in the centre of your living room, his gaze casted to the ground.

“Con, come here and sit with me.” You say tenderly as you walk past him whilst gently tugging him by his sleeve. The male follows wordlessly.

Conner takes a seat, slightly slumped with his head bowed down and his closed hands in his lap. You sit crossed legged beside him and notice his LED glowing a weak yellow hue indicating his mind processing something.

“Hey… talk to me” you looked at him with a gentle quietness in your eyes as you reach out to hold his porcelain hand. It was colder than usual…

Connor let out a sigh and tightly closes his eyes before he gazes back at into your own. A wave of relief washes over the melancholic android.

“My…I have been experiencing a certain feeling. It as if I’m continuously at a crossroad for every decision I make. it’s…overwhelming to say the least.” He pauses as he looks down at your interlocked hands. His thumb lightly caressing the back of your hand.

“I feel lost, helpless and i-“before he could finish, you enveloped your partner in a hug.

Your arms wrapped snugly around his neck as your head rested on his shoulder. Placing your hand at the nape of his neck, you bought him closer to you; a sentiment of reassurance and love. Feeling his arms slowly snake around your waist and up your shoulders and him burying his head deeper into the crook of your neck confirmed his lack of physical affection and it hurt you.

“It’s a human feeling con, its only natural for you to feel this way my love” you softly whisper to him.

Connor tightened high grasp on your and pulled you onto his lap. You could feel him softly shake under your touch and the feeling of warm tears touch your shoulder. You began stroking his unbelievably soft chestnut hair and felt him inhale your familiar aroma.

He loosened his grip and pulled back slowly, his arms fall around your waist loosely. His porcelain face was stained from all his pent-up emotions and frustrations. Those kind warm eyes stared back with an assembly of newfound hope and passion. You gave him a tender smile as you wipe away the tears which stained his perfect sharp features and cup his face in your hands. You could feel the warmth return to his body as his cheeks heat up and a light blue hue tinted his cheeks.

“con, what you’re feeling is normal. Its human. It may seem foreign to you now but my love, I swear we’ll get through this together. You’re not alone, you never were” you smile as you lean in and softly peck his cheek.

Connor reaches up and places his hand on top of yours. He leans in to touch his forehead with yours, eyes closed and with a rhythmic breathing. You could feel his warm breath fan your face. It was a gentle and tranquil moment you shared, a moment of mutual understanding.

“Thank you [y/n] …” Connor whispered as he pulls away and lovingly admire your delicate features.

You smile, glad he was able to express himself and share this intimate moment with you. You gaze back at your lover with eyes full of love and fondness. Your eyes then trail down to his lips. You notice they’re slightly parted as to say something but instead Connor pulls you in and crashes those silicon soft lips on yours. It caught you by surprise, but you soon gave in. Your lips moved in synch with his, the raw emotions behind the kiss was bruising your lips but you didn’t care. You showed him just as much emotion as he did.

You pulled back, slightly gasping for air as you stared at your lover fondly. Connor gazed back with half lidded eyes, his mouth formed a gentle and adoring smile.

“words can’t seem to express how fortunate I am to have you … I love you [y/n]” Connor says with the smile. It was an infectious sight especially after the confession.

You could feel tears forming at the corners of your eyes, you quickly blink and wipe them away. You lean in and place your lips onto his. A sign of your love manifested.

“I love you too Connor, I always will.” You say in a hushed voice.

Nothing could measure the immense feelings of love you harbored for the deviant. Connor was lucky to have found someone as accepting as you. He had found his own little safe haven, a sanctuary in you.

.

.

[lihikainanea]

Lei, one of my favorite things you did was describe how Tiger gets fussy with Bill. How she trusts him so much that she lets herself be uncomfortable and overwhelmed. I can see her waking up on a chilly morning, after an intense night, and just being fussy. He can tell she is from the minute she wakes up so he makes her some tea, feeds her toast that he insisted was part of his breakfast but he had his own.

Oh boo, I’m so, so glad you also enjoy this bit so much. It’s such a big thing for me, you know? And I always feel like I’m never quite conveying it correctly because I can’t find the right words.

At the heart of it all, tiger is one badass bitch, you know? Homegirl has her shit handled. There’s not a single thing--not a damn one--that Bill does for her that she couldn’t do for herself. But Bill likes doing nice things for her, he likes stepping in and  taking care of things--taking care of her, if needed--because it makes him feel good.

And I think there is something so, so beautiful about somebody very self-sufficient, very independent, very badass like tiger, being vulnerable. Vulnerable enough to admit that while she can do all of this herself and handle it all...maybe she doesn’t want to. Maybe she wants Bill to step in and be the knight--not one she needs but one she wants and that is where joy is made. Because getting what you need is good, but getting what you want is even better. And tiger wants him to help her handle things. As their relationship evolves, she’s getting more and more open about letting him handle things, about asking for his help, and when Bill can read her better on the whole thing--then she doesn’t have to ask anymore, he’ll just step in when he knows she wants him to.

And for tiger, there’s no greater way to show vulnerability, to show how much she trusts him, than to get fussy. It sounds weird to say, right? But man, it is fact. Because such a strong, independent person--it’s such a tremendous show of strength and courage when she can break down those walls of hers and show this side to him. Tiger doesn’t show weakness to anyone, and she particularly doesn’t show vulnerability. But when she feels comfortable enough with him to be overwhelmed, to be upset or anxious about something and to show signs of that...that’s intimacy, man. She’s trusting him with that because she knows beyond shadow of a doubt that not only is she safe in showing this side to him, but that he will also step in and fix it and that she will allow him to do that.

It’s just...god, it’s fucking beautiful.

We’ve all had those mornings where you just wake up and instantly know that it’s going to be a total shit day. It’s just instinct. And maybe it comes after a particularly intense night--although I do HC that Bill by default is extra careful on those morning-afters and tiger almost never wakes up in a bad mood because he just smothers her with love as soon as she starts to stir. But maybe her mind is messed up or maybe she had a really bad dream and she just wakes up totally...fussy. Maybe her discomfort is manifesting physically and she has a headache, her stomach is in knots, her back hurts. Or maybe it’s more emotional and she kind of just wants to cry, she’s short tempered. But she doesn’t really know how to articulate any of this and there’s not a logical enough reason for her to be feeling this way so she feels a bit ridiculous and doesn’t tell Bill. But instead she, y’know...snaps at him. And Bill knows pretty instantly that she doesn’t quite have her head on straight.

And sometimes it’s patience, attention, affection that will snap her out of it. Bill will do little things like get her coffee, but pick her up and plunk her on his lap and she’ll drink it there where he can kiss her and hug her and just touch her a lot. Or exactly like you said--he makes breakfast but she stares at her plate and says she doesn’t want breakfast. So Good Dude Bill will just move the plate away, grab hold of her, pull her to his chest as he eats and reads the paper. And eventually she’ll reach for a small corner of his piece of toast, nibble on it. And Good Dude Bill knew this would happen so he made extra toast and put it on his plate. Eventually when he’s done he’ll take her plate and slide it in front of him, take a few bites, and tiger will then start to nibble on it too.

But sometimes--sometimes too, she needs something much harsher. Something with more structure, an outlet for all of the turmoil inside her. She needs punishment. And Bill got really good at knowing the difference, because when she’s fussy and needs comfort or care she’ll get real quiet and maybe a bit petulant (”I don’t want the fucking coffee, Bill,” and 3 seconds after he puts it beside her, she’s drinking it) but when she’s uncomfortable and fussy and needs a bit of correction, she’ll just get downright sassy. She’ll get real mouthy with him, and he knows she’s kind of goading him into a punishment. Which is fine, because it’s part of their dynamic and because giving him some serious lip is kind of tiger’s way of telling him she’s uncomfortable and she needs him to fix it.

So she’ll sass him just one too many times--god if she’s in real bad shape she’ll have mouthed off enough to have earned a punishment within like 7 minutes of waking up. But otherwise maybe over the course of the morning he lets her get away with one, two, three comments that are increasing in intensity of sass. But by the fourth one, its like she’s begging for it. She’ll sass him, roll her eyes and turn right back around and he’ll come up behind her silently, bend to her ear, tell her real lowly to get on her knees.

And tiger, to her credit, stops the sass there. Because this is what she wanted, what she needed. She’ll turn sheepishly and he’ll take a step back to give her room, then she’ll keep his gaze as she lowers slowly to the floor. He’ll stand there all big and tall like, crossing his arms so his biceps bulge.

“You’re not being very nice today, are you?” he murmurs, and she rolls her eyes. She has the audacity to even put a foot on the floor, as if she’s going to stand back up. Two fingers on her shoulder pressing down are enough for her to drop again.

“I know my sweet girl is in there somewhere,” he continues, “Sometimes she just needs a little help finding her way out, hmm?”

Tiger glares, but it lacks all of it’s usual terror.

“Are you supposed be giving me this much attitude, kid?”

She shakes her head, but that’s not good enough. He grabs her chin, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

“If I wanted silent answers, I would have shoved your panties in your mouth already,” he snaps, “So let’s try that again. Are you supposed to be giving me this much attitude?”

“No,” she mumbles.

“No,” he confirms, “So you broke the rules. And what happens when you break the rules, tiger?”

“I get punished,” she says. He nods, releasing her chin and taking a step back.

“Go wait for me on the bed. Bottoms off,” he commands, and he gives a warning smack to her behind as she scurries to her feet and down the hall. He gives her a few minutes to get settled, taking another few sips of coffee and stretching his neck out to crack it. If she was in a better state of mind he would have made her wait for it--would have made her eat something first, maybe take a shower, prolong the delayed gratification until she was begging for it. But she wouldn't be able to handle that right now in the state she was in, she was slipping too quickly and Bill could tell she was too uncomfortable and too fussy for him to make her wait for it.

He strolled into the room a few minutes later and she was obediently sitting on the bed, her bottoms off. When she saw him she quickly turned over, getting on all fours and she squeaked when he grabbed her by the hips, dragging her to the edge of the bed.

“You’re getting 10 today kid, for that smart mouth of yours,” he grabs a fistful of her hair and winds it in his palm, “Count them.”

And he probably goes pretty hard, because tiger’s mood was genuinely terrible and she needs it hard enough that she can feel it. It’s one of the rare times where she’s not in a super fragile state of mind while being spanked, she just...really needs it. He can go harder than usual in those times, and he does. Shoves the corner of a pillow by her mouth so she can bite down on it, doesn’t hush her if she makes a noise during it. He lets her get it all out so that when he’s done, she’s already lighter.

The aftercare is most definitely the same, carried out with the same level of love and gentleness. And Bill will always marvel at how instantaneous the results are--he no sooner finished that he flipped her over, swiped his thumb across her cheek to wipe her tears, and her mouth was already reaching for it. He gave it to her as she reached for his other hand to lace with hers, and her breathing was already much more deep, rhythmic, soothed. Her entire demeanour changed. She closed her eyes, content with his thumb in her mouth, but he leaned to kiss her cheek gently.

“I need to check you over, kid,” he murmured, and she nodded.

“Two more minutes?” she asked, opening her eyes and looking at him. He smiled at her gently.

“How about five? You can have five if you promise to eat something after,” he said. She nodded eagerly, closing her eyes again.

[flatsuke]

The Tragedy of Eisuke, or another Eisuke Meta

So I’m back on my bullshit, and I’m going to go on yet another tangent on Eisuke, so please bear with me if I ramble on at times lmao. For the purposes of this meta, I’m going to use screenshots from both main stories, POVs, and substories. Even if the substories happened in AUs, his characterization and personality are still canon. 

Disclaimer: This is all my opinion and in no way am I claiming this is the absolute truth lmao. This is just how I interpret Eisuke and the events in the game. Also, this is going to be a very long post peppered with memes (ty Screenshots of Despair) and game screencaps, so good luck reading through this really long post.

I’ve replayed some of Eisuke’s stories again, and wow, sometimes I feel like I discover facets of him that weren’t obvious to me before. I think I’ve said this many times before, but man....Eisuke’s such a complex character that it’s so fun to dissect him. 

The first thing I want to bring up are the recurring themes present in his characterization: power and utilitarianism. In almost all of his stories, power is explored in different ways — from the most superficial point of view, we see Eisuke exhibit his economic ad social power as a internationally renowned hotel mogul. There’s the power he has as the boss of his company and the leader of the bidders. 

That aside, Eisuke values utilitarianism to a nigh obsessive extent. Every decision he makes is based on how it’d benefit himself and his interests, and his standard for measuring a person is based on how useful they are. Basically, he quantifies everything and everyone.

The interesting thing I wanted to point out was the he didn’t start off that way, rather, he grew into that. There was once a time when he was idealistic and still had faith in people. But that time is long gone. 

(RIP that smile)

I think it’s tragic to see what Eisuke could have been. We see how he was as a kid in the Examination of the Heart Story. In this AU, he never experienced his mother’s death and family’s downfall. He was a kind, caring, and thoughtful child. He went out of his way to visit MC almost every day to take care of her. He even goes to medical school all for the sake of curing MC’s heart disease! I’m inclined to think that if the Kuga family was never separated, he would have grown up to become softer and kinder.

Sadly, the canon timeline has a much more unfortunate turn. Eisuke ended up adopted into the Ichinomiya household at seven years old after his family separated. The seed of self-doubt and insecurity was planted, and it only grew downhill from there. 

He grew up in an environment where all his actions were judged because he wasn’t a real Ichinomiya. He was constantly scrutinized and judged, so he couldn’t afford to trust anyone. The fact that he was never an Ichinomiya became a lifelong insecurity for him. According to Akira, Eisuke was a lonely child.

That lonely child grew up into a cynical and apathetic teenager. Teenage!Eisuke believed that since his path was set for him, he didn’t have to try hard to do anything. So he slacked off in school, only bothering to do the bare minimum of everything. He never thought about the consequences of his actions, either; he picked fights with pretty much everyone who pissed him off and he spoke his mind, not caring about what would happen to him or to anyone around him. He was never held accountable for anything, so why did he have to bother? Let everyone shit on him like they always did since nothing could bad could happen to him. 

This all changed when Frank, the headmaster’s son, framed Eisuke for starting a fire in one of the buildings at their boarding school. Here, Eisuke starts to realize that his complacency towards everything is biting him in the ass. The seed of insecurity in him morphed into a seed that hated himself for being weak and powerless This is where Eisuke’s fixation on power comes from. 

It only becomes worse when Luke takes the fall in Eisuke’s place. Here, Eisuke truly understands that his lack of power doesn’t only affect himself, but also the others around him. What’s sad is that Luke willingly took the heat for Eisuke out of  affection; he expected nothing in return from Eisuke because Luke viewed it as an act of friendship. However, Eisuke doesn’t think like that — he sees it as transactional. Eisuke becomes downright obsessed with paying Luke back for everything. In fact, it becomes a core facet of his personality.

He views debt as a sign of weakness. He even sees his relationship with Akira as transactional; Akira took him in raised him, so he felt like he had to pay Akira back. Eisuke felt like everything he owned had to be earned. He studied business and economics because that would benefit the company the most. Hell, his entire motivation for making the Ichinomiya Group the huge conglomerate it is today was because he wanted to prove to everyone that he deserved his place because he worked for it. 

On that subject, Eisuke always feels like he has to prove himself. He does everything he can to make himself useful so people can’t tear him down for being a liability. This is why he views everything with a utilitarian lens; if he isn’t useful, then he’s worthless. I was reading his Bidding on Eisuke Story and these lines really got the point across:

In this AU, MC is the owner of the Tres Spades and Eisuke a nameless nobody. She rescues Eisuke from the black market auctions by bidding on him. MC tells him he’s free to go. But the first thing he does after that? He offers himself as payment. The story doesn’t go into detail about his past, but it’s implied he was used mainly for sex. He didn’t have anything to offer her aside from his body, and he didn’t want to be seen as useless. So the most logical course of action in his head was to offer sex to her. In the process, he effectively dehumanized himself just to pay back what he perceived as a debt.

It’s easy to see him as arrogant, and ostensibly, he is. But I really think he has a crippling sense of self-worth because he bases it on how powerful and useful he thinks he should be. In essence, he has an inferiority superiority complex; he acts haughty and prideful, but that’s only because he’s afraid of being replaced, rejected, and abandoned. 

(Nothing screams Eisuke more than Oh No! by Marina and the Diamonds lmao.)

I’m not sure if he actually even loves himself, to be honest. Sure, he’s confident on the outside, and he believes his merit and abilities got him to where he is today ...but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s happy with himself. His self-esteem is so fragile because he always quantifies everything he does. If he isn’t perfect, then he’s not worth it. This is why he always pushes himself to the extreme (and I daresay this is why he overcompensates with MC when it comes to sex, giving gifts, etc.).

Luke even says so himself:

The sad part is he probably isn’t even aware of it. He’s probably one of the lesser self-aware bidders, if not the least. He knows that his lot in life wasn’t the best, but he doesn’t realize how this affected his emotional state. He is by far, the least emotionally mature among the bidders because he literally cannot process his feelings properly. His Main Story POV gives us a really good example:

On a base level, he’s aware of what jealousy is and what it entails, but he’s so repulsed by the idea that he can feel jealousy that he vehemently denies it. After all, why should he be jealous of the others if MC likes him the best? At least.....that’s what he tries to tell himself anyway. Again, he doesn’t realize how insecure he really is.

If he isn’t repressing or denying his feelings, then he’s turning to sex as a coping mechanism. If I has to list every scene where Eisuke has sex with MC to fend off his anxiety, this post would be too long lmao. In Eisuke’s mind, dealing with feelings scares him so much that he’d rather bury them or distract himself. Still, that doesn’t mean his feelings go away, no matter much he wants them to.

(It’s a cold day in hell if Eisuke isn’t actively repressing his emotions.)

With all this considered, Eisuke definitely knows he isn’t easy to love. Hell, I think he expected to get through life without anyone ever loving him. Meeting MC was a literal miracle because she is the One Person who could love him unconditionally. Loving him takes a lot of understanding and empathy, and he knows he’s really fucking lucky he has MC in his life. I’m honestly not surprised at how possessive and protective he is over her. Deep down, I think he’s insecure that MC might leave him one day, so he tries his best to keep her satisfied (especially physically) so she doesn’t have any reason to go (again, this is a manifestation of his utilitarianism).

Even though he still sometimes feels like he has to prove his power and usefulness to her, he’s slowly (and I say very, very slowly) getting comfortable with the idea that maybe, he can let his guard down around her. Intuitively, he knows she won’t think he’s weak for being open.....but that seed of self-doubt in him hasn’t completely gone away yet. 

I think it’ll be a long time till we can see him completely open up to her, but part of what makes his story so interesting is the slow process he goes through to reach emotional maturity. He’s not quite there yet, but he’s trying, and I think that deserves some credit.

In conclusion,

He needs a goddamn hug 

[theexistentiallyqueer]

Sorry to bother, but where do autistic and adhd brains overlap? Because both are neurodivergent (and beautiful, I agree) But how can I find out which behaviour belongs more to me being autistic (got diagnosed this year) and which is adhd? (No Matter What Deadline, after several years in hostile environment (failed university, then call center work) I panic. Hard.) How do I disentangle adhd and autism to find out what strategies to use to function better?

Please don’t feel like you’re being a bother, because you’re not! Honestly the fact that someone is coming to me to ask ADHD questions makes me teary-eyed, because I’ve fought so hard to learn to function with ADHD that people Asking Me Things like I’m a trusted expert just makes my heart grow three sizes, the opposite of the Grinch.

I’m probably not the best person to ask about how ADHD and autism overlap specifically, especially if you’re taking this from an autistic POV. And I’m also not a behavioral expert, which is a very strong preface. But I can (and am very happy to) talk a bit about my experiences with ADHD and how I’ve learned to make things work for my brain.

I’m going to put this under a cut, if that’s okay with you, anon. It got kind of long and I don’t want to overrun anyone’s dash. And you can always, always ask me ADHD questions, and I’ll try my best to answer.

My ADHD tends to manifest specifically in the following ways:

Extreme hyperfixation that has its own varying degrees (e.g., I’m really into Fire Emblem: Three Houses, but I have so lack of interest in Byleth/Claude that my lack of interest feels like an actual void)

An inability to process feelings regarding things other people care strongly about that I don’t. If we’re using the same fandom example: I could rant forever about how Byleth/Edelgard gives me ALL THE FEELS, but if I friend I care about started to talk about Byleth/Claude, I would immediately lose all interest in the conversation and struggle to react in a way that doesn’t present me as a selfish monster who doesn’t care about the person I’m talking to.

I tend to monopolize conversation if I’m given the opportunity because I LOVE getting the chance to talk about my hyperfixations. If someone cuts me off when I’m really into a topic, I get incredibly irritated and have to try to restrain from myself from acting petty in response. The number of times I have smiled my mouth is a knife and said, “ANYWAY, as I WAS SAYING…” is beyond count.

I don’t recognize or remember people until I have something meaningful to associate them with. I also don’t tend to notice things that don’t clock themselves as Important in my brain. I usually describe this as “background furniture.” Even PEOPLE become background furniture. A girl I work with mentioned a person on her team had quit, and I’d literally walked by that person’s desk earlier that day and didn’t notice it was empty, because that person and the entire space they occupied was background scenery.

If something affects or touches me personally, it hits me Very Personally. I had a complete fucking breakdown watching the video of Philando Castille’s shooting, because I heard his daughter crying while she watched him getting shot and went down onto a spiral of personal loss over my own father to gun violence and started to immediately correlate the two. Separating ADHD brainness from my  whiteness is complex and hard and (said sarcastically) so, so much fun.

The direct inverse of that are things like: I’m talking to my mom, who’s telling me about a high school friend of hers just got into a horrific vehicle accident and is in the ICU. My mom then goes on to give me regular status updates on this woman I don’t know. I get out of work, and she talks about this woman’s surgery. I get out of work, and she talks about this woman’s family’s attempt to find an adequate rehab center. They find a rehab center, and my mom shows me how her friend decorated her daughter’s room. My mom shows me a video of the girl working with a physical therapist, who gets her to push herself upright with a walker and take her tentative steps. “Awesome!” my brain thinks. “Great!” my brain thinks. All of it spans over several days, weeks, months. I have nothing to do with this constant influx of information. I don’t know how my brain should file it. I don’t know this woman who was injured. I feel for her in theory because no one should ever have to go through that even though so many people do, but I haven’t ACTIVELY PRETEND like I personally am invested in the situation or else my mother gives me Concerned Eyes because I seem to be In A Bad Mood Today.

When it comes to organization, I tend to lean towards hyper-organization rather than hypo-organization. By which I mean I over-organize to combat the fact that ADHD often results in disorganization, and disorganization results in chaos, and chaos gives me COMPLETE PANIC ATTACKS. At work at one point, I had my emails auto-tagging every incoming email based on the email type, on top of tagging for my clients. Every label had a different color, and it all made sense to me, because I’d made it. When my team had cover my stuff on a day I was out, my inbox was such a horror show that it left them feeling drained and distressed.

Let’s talk about socialization! I have a rocky relationship with my childhood best friend. When I discovered social justice in college, I started picking fights with everyone over everything Problematique. The first major fight I had with my best friend at the time was because she felt I was over-aggressive towards a mutual male friend of ours. She was probably right, because I know the kind of bullying behavior I later developed. I thought I learned from it. After the 2016 election, I messaged her on FB, thinking I had a sympathetic ear, to say that seeing her mother post constant messages of support for Trump and sharing stuff dismissing Trump’s sexual assault allegations was particularly hurtful considering I’d told my friend that my mom had been sexually assaulted.. I’m not going to share what she said, but she wasn’t in the wrong. We didn’t talk for several months after that.

Speaking of her! When she started dating the guy she’s now married to, at one point I asked her if they’d had sex yet. I asked it because I thought it was a thing you were Supposed To Talk About as friends, and also because I was, in a way, morbidly curious, because I’m grey-ace and queer. She confirmed that they had, but I still felt so icky and uncomfortable about that for so long afterwards. It was only after I started to understand that I’m not cis and not allo that I really understood why: I was forcing myself to perform what I thought female friendship was based on how it’s portrayed in media, and it’s only once I began to understand that I’m on the ace spectrum and that I’m nonbinary that I really started to understand how forced mainstream conversations of attraction are.

I’m loud! I’m loud! I’m loud! I’m loud all the time! I live with my mom and I socialize with my mom and when we’re in public spaces and I’m talking about something that interests me, she always, always, always feels like she has to shush me. What makes it ironic? If there are other people being loud around me, I can’t function. I can’t process the noise. It’s EVEN WORSE if they’re speaking in another language, because if it’s English I can process the words at least, but if it’s another language, it’s just pure, inescapable sound that I know has meaning but can’t intuit, and if I can’t understand something, that’s as bad as dying.

From what I’ve read about autism, here are ways I THINK my ADHD traits overlap with autistic traits:

I can’t read facial expressions. I think I have a better concept of emotional nuance in facial expressions than someone who’s strictly autistic, but I’ll still panic when I see a smile that isn’t bland enough. RDS (rejection-sensitive dysphoria) will kick in. They hate me, they hate me, they hate me, is the track my brain will play on repeat until I’ve drunk myself into oblivion. Whenever someone smiles, I mistrust it immediately.

Eye contact is incredibly fucking frustrating. I understand that it’s expected, but it’s SO UNCOMFORTABLE. Why do we need to stare into each other’s eyes to understand one another? How can you people write whole treatises on the sanctity of locking gazes and finding an instant intellectual bond without realizing that eye contact that’s not called for is personally invasive?

I can’t understand flirting vs not flirting to the point that I’m absolutely paranoid someone is flirting with me, at which point I usually become hostile if I think they ARE, because DON’T FLIRT WITH ME. TALK to me!

I hate, hate, hate unsolicited physical contact. If I’m in a state of over-expression, I hate it even more. I’m not physically withdrawn, because I love hugs, and cuddles, and human touch. But when I’ve spent the entire day listening to other people talk and I have to walk into a room where people continue to talk, if someone touches me, it’s fucking No-Oh-One.

Someone is interested in a thing I’m interested in. We’ll use Persona 5 as the concept, because this honestly happened recently. I talk with the guy whose desk is across from mine about Persona 5 all the time. He’s also excited about Royal. I started going into my Sophia theory that I’ve really only lobbied at @softspokensansa. I could see, I could viscerally see, the interest drain from his expression. BUT I HAVE AN IDEA SO I WILL TALK ABOUT IT ANYWAY, and then afterwards I felt incredibly resentful that I was being filtered through a cookie-cutter drain.

It’s painful–it’s really painful!–to try to talk about my spiritual ideas with other people. I have a side blog I just started and am preppy myself to share, and I’m absofuckinglutely TERRIFIED everyone is going to write me off without looking at what I have to say. IT’S THE RSD AGAIN! Nothing I ever said has actually mattered before, so why should it now?

I feel, constantly, like I’m halfway between a point of reality and a point of something. What that something is is indefinable, but regardless of it, I exist.

I’d like to direct you to two very positive youtubers I know; I meant to do this earlier, but now feels right in terms of how I’ve written: How To ADHD and Amethyst Schaber.I credit both of them in helping me find a safe place with ADHD before diagnosis. There are stories other than yours that matter.

I wish you the best, anon! If you think you’re autistic and ADHD: given the comorbidity between the two, you probably are! And ADHD is just as beautiful, complicated, and misunderstood as autism is.

If anyone reading this can speak to living as both autistic and ADHD, please respond so I can lift your voice. And to my anon: you’re beautiful completely. I hope my story has helped you in its anyway, and I hope that you find yourself at a place of peace. It’s a struggle to get there, but it’s worth it, every step of the way.

[peoplediedrobert]

I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues

A exploration of Aaron and postnatal depression

AO3 

*this fic will not be for everyone. It is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart because I suffered from (and still do really) postnatal depression for 18 months. I thought it would be interesting to work out my feelings through Aaron, as male postnatal depression is NEVER given the attention it deserves. Given his history (just like mine), he is a prime candidate for PPND. I hope you give it shot, and let me know what you think. Keep negative comments to yourself, though!* 

(If someone needs more info about postnatal depression or PPND, shoot me a message!)

It starts small, as these things often do. Seb had been living with Robert and Aaron only a few weeks when Aaron began waking up multiple times throughout the night, more often than not for no reason. Seb would be sound asleep, baby monitor softly crackling beside Robert’s head, but Aaron would strain his ears to make doubly sure Seb was fine. He would roughly wake up in a sweat, heart pounding, body twisted in the duvet, sometimes he even bolted straight up. This went on for weeks.

The lack of sleep became apparent immediately. Aaron’s sullen and sometimes dark attitude worsened with each day he survived on four hours (or less) of sleep. He was easily irritated by everyone, more so than usual. On more than one occasion he would snap at Robert or Liv over something insignificant and had to watch them curl up within themselves, eager to get away from Aaron’s sharp tongue. Aaron hated himself for that, but couldn’t stop it. His mind was on edge. It was like he had no control over his own mind or thoughts. He found himself staying at the scrapyard for even ten extra minutes, just to revel in the silence. The Mill was always loud. Seb was babbling or crying, Liv was listening to music at a ridiculous volume, and Robert was just always there, hovering. Double checking. Trying to soothe what he didn’t understand but only making it worse.

Aaron began skipping breakfast. He just wasn’t hungry, and if he stayed in bed, he had at least half an hour to himself every morning. At first, Robert would try to bring him a tray of food, joking about breakfast in bed for his beautiful husband but Aaron could do nothing but pick at the food, his appetite nonexistent. Robert stopped trying after a few days. Aaron found himself pulling away from Robert. The small touches they gave one another throughout the day--a hand on the small of a back, brushing up next to one another periodically, light squeezes of a hand in passing--became too much. His smile became an even rarer sight than before and he could feel himself becoming smaller and smaller, hunching over.

The moment he knew there was an actual problem was when he found himself getting irritated and angry when he heard Seb cry. It began to feel like Aaron had to physically force himself to pick Seb up and comfort him. It felt like he didn’t want to pick him up but knew he had to. The guilt gnawed at him for weeks--what kind of a bloke gets irritated at a baby? What kind of a bloke begins to resent the idea of caring for an innocent child who just wants love and attention?

Aaron didn’t understand. He was in a good place. He had worked hard to get to this healthy point in his life. The pain of the last year had taught him to open up just a bit more, to reach out rather than bottle it all up within himself. He felt like a failure. Maybe everything he had told Robert, over and over again, about not resenting Seb was a lie that he told himself because he missed Robert so much? There’s no way he could be a good father anyway, given his history, right? That voice in his head, fanning the fire of self doubt, got louder and louder every day. Aaron got the urge to run. To run as far as he could, as fast as he could, away from the stress, the noise, the way Robert and Liv began walking on eggshells around him. He wanted to feel the burn in his legs so maybe the constant and ever present anxiety in his head would go away. This was a problem.

It all comes to a head on a bright and cheery Sunday morning. After finally falling asleep as the sun rose, Aaron is awoken by the sound of Robert, Liv, and Seb at the breakfast table. Aaron sits up in bed, his eyes bleary and his head pounding. The night prior had actually been a good night--he’d gotten nearly five hours of sleep. Aaron heaves himself out of bed, throws on whatever clothes he can find and joins his family, feeling hungry for once. He notices immediately that everyone quiets down when he reaches the bottom of the stairs, all turning to look at Aaron. He gives them all a smile and he can physically feel the tension in the room dissipate (when did that happen? When did everyone look to Aaron to figure out how the day would go?) He sits down at the table, doing his best to insert himself in the conversation. Liv gives him small looks across the table, searching his face for signs of the old Aaron, a grumpy git to everyone else but a big softie when they were in their home. He tries hard to give her what she wants. He smiles and he asks questions and he ruffles Seb’s hair in passing. All of it feels like an act.

Shortly after breakfast, Robert suddenly looks to Liv and softly asks, “Can you take Seb to the pub to see Chas, or over to see Diane? Just for an hour or so.” The look on his face is so earnest, it’s impossible for her to say no. They gather up all the little things he might need and pack it in to the diaper bag. Liv gives Aaron a little hug and pushes the pram out the front door.

“What was that for, Robert? I thought you wanted to spend today as a family?” Robert says nothing. He guides Aaron to the couch and sits him down and takes a seat on the other side. The distance between them has never been greater, and Aaron wants to cry. Robert continues to sit in silence, clearly gathering his thoughts, opening and closing his mouth a few times until the anticipation gets to Aaron and he barks, “Would you please get on with it, Robert?” At that, Robert turns to Aaron and the world falls out from beneath him when Robert asks, “Do you regret this? Me and Seb? Do you want us to leave?”

Shock runs through Aaron and out of his mouth before he can think. “What are you on about, Rob? Where is this coming from?” “Aaron, I know you pretty well, surprisingly, and something isn’t right. And it hasn’t been right since Seb moved in with us. I know it was your idea, but I wouldn’t blame you if this is too much. We can always say we gave it a go again and it didn’t work.” Robert looks impossibly sad, and Aaron’s heart swells at the thought that Robert could put himself through this just so Aaron would be happy.

Aaron lurches forward and pulls Robert into a bone crushing hug. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t know what’s wrong, but it isn’t you, and it isn’t Seb.” He releases Robert and then taps the side of his own head as he says, “It’s something up here. I don’t know what’s happening. Maybe I’m not cut out for this but I don’t want you to go.” Robert looks deep in Aaron’s eyes, and immediately Aaron knows what the next question will be as he gestures at Aaron’s stomach.

“You haven’t…”

“No, Robert. I haven’t. But something is wrong and I don’t know what.”

“Well then we figure it out, together. I love you, Aaron and I want you to let me help.”

Aaron drags his hand across his face, wiping up the tears he didn’t even know he’d been shedding and takes a deep, ragged breath as he admits, “I think I need to see someone. At the very least I need to figure out what’s happening in my head.” He leans his head back against the couch, just enjoying the feeling of Robert rubbing his arm over and over. The exhaustion of the past few weeks settled over Aaron and he physically sags against its weight.

Aaron makes an appointment with his GP and has to force himself to go the morning of. As he arrives, his nerves are jumping. His foot jingles nervously against the floor until it is his turn to go back into the office. She welcomes him and gestures for him to sit down. “What brings you here today?”

Aaron doesn’t even know where to begin. How do you explain to a fellow adult that well, you aren’t sleeping well and you aren’t that hungry and you’re irritable? He would sound like he’s describing every teenager ever. “I don’t know. My partner and I took in his little boy to live with us full time. It was great in the beginning. We went through a rough patch last year but we got back together and everything was fine. Then…” Aaron stops, embarrassed at what he’s about to say.

“Aaron, I will help in every way that I can. But I need to know what’s happening.”

Another deep breath and he lets it all out. His struggles in the past, his sleeplessness now, how irritated he is at everything and everyone, most importantly how he has started to feel towards Seb. He recounts every moment of anxiety, every time he felt like clawing his own skin, every time he just wanted to run and never look back. Here he was in front of what was essentially a stranger, tears in a constant river down his face, laying himself bare. When he’s done, he just looks up to the doctor and is met with an immensely sympathetic face.

“I think the answer is rather more simple than you think, Aaron. From everything you’ve told me I think you’re suffering from postnatal depression, specifically paternal postnatal depression. Although it manifests itself in hundreds of ways, your sleeplessness, irritability and the inability to connect with Seb all point to that diagnosis.”

Aaron’s breathing slows and he looks at the doctor, confusion written all over his face. Without meaning to, and without understanding why, he begins to argue, “Isn’t that something only women get? He’s not biologically mine—why is this affecting me and not my partner?”

“Postnatal depression isn’t always about biology, Aaron. Yes, oftentimes when women suffer from it, it’s because of the hormonal changes in her body but it’s more than that. You’ve had your entire life interrupted by a very loud and very needy little human. Even if it was something you had prepared for, you don’t know how your brain will react when the baby actually gets here. More than that, It is common for someone with a history of depression to be affected—man or woman. You’ve done nothing wrong and this doesn’t mean you don’t love Seb or don’t want to care for him. That’s not how this works.”

Aaron lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. He felt the weight lift from his shoulders and he sat up a bit straighter.

“There’s multiple ways we can treat this. Weekly counseling is your best bet, and there’s always medications we can try. If it helps, oftentimes postnatal depression lifts after the first year. There’s no reason to assume this is permanent. And you have nothing to apologize for. Now that you recognize the problem, you can begin to fix it.”

And that does it. Aaron’s face turns hot and the tears start falling all over again. That was his biggest fear—that this anxious, guilty, terrible feeling would be with him forever. That his brain could never just let him be.

The doctor hands him tissues and silently squeezes his hands. “We will solve this. Let’s make you some appointments. A more immediate ‘fix,’ if we could call it that, is that you have to get more sleep. Studies have shown that lack of sleep is the biggest trigger for postnatal depression. Make yourself a priority and this will pass.”

The drive home is mercifully long enough that Aaron can gather his thoughts. He can finally admit to himself how scared he had been of himself the last few weeks. He doesn’t even try to stop the tears making tracks down his face. It feels good to feel something other than anger and irritation.

When he arrives home, he sees Robert sitting on the couch, reading a book. He looks up when Aaron walks in through the front door and gives Aaron a small, cautious smile. “How did it go?” he asks. Aaron drops himself down next to Robert, thighs touching--he needs to feel connected to Robert again. He didn’t realize how far apart they had grown but now he feels it like a physical ache. He picks up Robert’s hands and intertwines their fingers.

“Turns out, and you may not believe this, but I’m normal.” Robert snorts and turns his head towards Aaron with a smile, “I don’t think either of us fit that description, but go on.” “The doc thinks I have paternal postnatal depression. So me being a mardy arse for these last few weeks is actually textbook.” Robert’s eyes go incredibly soft and he gives Aaron’s hand a squeeze as he continues. “I need to go to counseling once a week and possibly medication if it comes to that. Apparently with my history, this isn’t unheard of. So, now I know what the problem is. Also it’s been doctor approved that I need to get more sleep. So, I get all the lie-ins I want.” At that, Robert bursts out laughing and Aaron joins in. “Oh I see, you just wanted an excuse to be lazy,” Robert says teasingly. He gives Aaron a soft kiss, cradling his face in his hands. “We’ll get through this, Aaron. Together.”

Aaron continued to have bad days. He slept more, he took time for himself, he stopped taking the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he still had bad days. Days where everyone irritated him and he wanted to run, but instead of turning inward, he made an appointment or he talked to Robert, or he played in the garden with Seb or he played endless amounts of video games with Liv. Slowly and surely, the fog lifted and Aaron smiled more. He laughed more and felt like a normal human again. And the next time they bring a baby home, Aaron feels immensely more prepared.

[my-pocket-universe]

1, 6, 23, 24, and 30 for wondertrev please!!!!!!!

Wondertrev headcanons!

Omg @justpond–eringtheuniverse thank you so much for doing this OTP question meme with me. You have no idea how stoked I am. I love Wondertrev so much my heart could implode and I have so much to say about them! Please bear with me as this is going to be one hell of a long post and I apologise in advance for the overwhelming length.The following answers are based on my head-canon, in which Steve somehow was resurrected and returned to Diana as an immortal (perhaps as a gift from the powers that be), soon after the explosion and defeat of Ares in 1918, and they have been living blissfully ever after.I must emphasise the fact that I love fanfics that have Steve resurrected and become immortal in the 21st century as much as the next Wondertrev shipper, given the interesting role reversal and the fish-out-of-water situations that have Steve attempt to adjust to modern technology, but my heart aches whenever I try to imagine how excruciating and disheartening it must have been for Diana to live through a century without Steve. Alas, here we go:

1. Who is the most affectionate?They are both passionate about each other but their upbringings make them manifest their love and passion very differently. She may seem reserved to others (with the exception of her original friends like Etta and the guys) but Diana is never one to hide her emotions and perpetually deep affection for Steve, in private or in public - she speaks her mind and put her words and thoughts into action, praising, complimenting, kissing, hugging, caressing and touching him whenever possible. Canonically speaking, in the movie, Diana was the one to hold his hand first and she made it clear that she wanted him to stay in her room in the inn in Veld and she even initiated the kiss. She is unfazed by the societal expectations, norms, customs and traditions of Man’s world which were holding Steve back occasionally. I like to think he is just as affectionate (and he certainly loves her as much) but he was also brought up as a gentleman and born in 1880s after all. At first he wasn’t too accustomed to public display of affection beyond hand holding, cupping Diana’s face, touching her hair and light kisses on her forehead or cheeks but eventually he became bolder and more relaxed in public with her, as they cherished every opportunity to be affectionate to their other half, especially after almost losing each other forever that night in the airfield in Belgium in 1918 and the societal standards changed gradually over the century they have been living in as a couple. It also had something to do with how Diana was rubbing off on him with her Amazonian ways. Steve is also the one to shower Diana with surprises whenever possible and mostly something non-materialistic as he knows well enough the preferences of his goddess. At home or in private they are very on par and in sync in terms of affection, although Diana would be more verbal about everything and Steve tries his best to catch up. They just love each other with every fiber of their being.

6. What is their favourite feature of their partner’s?Diana’s favourite feature(s) of Steve would definitely be his mesmerising and bright cerulean eyes which remind her of the tranquillising blue waters of Themyscira. A close second would be his ash blonde hair (and he’s been keeping the same haircut from 1918 to 2018, as it never goes out of style), followed by his physique. She is just so pleased with his well above-average overall physical appearance and vigour and there is nothing she would find undesirable. To Steve, Diana is his angel (and actual goddess and salvation) and his love for her is a combination of utmost respect, devotion, admiration, affection, adoration and romantic attraction, thus to him she is simply perfect in every sense and it may be hard to pinpoint a feature but if one must ask he would say her eyes can reach one’s soul and her lips hold all the truths in the universe and he would never get tired of savouring her ethereal beauty.

23. Who comes up with cheesy pickup lines?Gotta hand this one to Steve. His dry and sometimes cheesy humour is incredibly endearing to Diana and when the pickup lines are embarrassing he blushes so hard and Diana would first chuckle and then kiss him. Every now and then she turns the table on him and be the one to say them and for him it is always part hilarious and part enticing. Both of them can be goofy at times and they always end up laughing at the lines together lightheartedly.

24. Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?Both, although Diana instigated this. In the beginning, she didn’t even realise these things and circumstances are inappropriate because they seemed normal on Themyscira. It certainly had him very flustered and made it difficult for him to keep his composure when she first did that. Eventually Steve was emboldened and she knew he could handle this and they frequently do this to each other.

30. One headcanon about this OTP that mends itThis is by far the best question and I could talk about it all day. And if I were a better writer I would turn this into a fic (I actually tried and am still too ashamed to publish it, seeing there are so many brilliant pieces already, or perhaps I will, when I finally have mustered up enough courage to do so). Humour me, yeah?

Essentially, the major headcanon - shortly after blowing up the German bomber plane with himself in it, in Belgium, 1918, Steve was resurrected and returned to Diana as an immortal and they have been living blissfully ever after - encapsulates numerous minor headcanons:

1918 to 1940s:

a month into their reunion, Steve proposed to Diana and she immediately said yes; marriage might have been a foreign concept to her at first but after having been through so much in terms of life and death, they couldn’t and wouldn’t be separated again, and matrimony became very justified ; they wanted to hold, cherish and love each other more than anything and they intended to spend the rest of their eternal(!) lives together

Diana and Steve had a simple yet blissful wedding ceremony at the City Hall, attended by Steve’s only and elder sister Tracy, Etta, Charlie, Sameer and the Chief and their family members (Steve’s parents passed away before he joined the US Army)

Steve was in his US Army military uniform and he was stunned by the breathtaking sight of Diana when she entered the room, escorted by Etta and Tracy; she wore an airy sleeveless and low-cut white silk wedding gown that made her resemble the Greek marble statues and he was lovesick and his eyes glistened with joyful tears and he grinned so hard his cheeks stiffened, meanwhile she was blushing and smiling like he was the most precious being in the universe

They were now Steve and Diana Prince-Trevor; Diana thought she liked the sound of Mrs Trevor, there was a nice ring to it, however, out of respect, Steve said it was up to her to keep the surname he crafted for her, and they decided on hyphenating them

British Intelligence learnt of Steve’s immortality and his profile became top secret; due to his physical advantage over other officers and criminals, he was assigned special ops and high-risk rescue missions, much to Diana’s dismay (”Steve, you are not invincible, you could still get hurt,” sighed Diana), but Steve wanted to help more people, so he assured her that he would take proper care of himself and if she wanted to help him he was more than content to have her by his side; British Intelligence obviously knew about Diana and her identity as Wonder Woman by now and they condoned this

Diana received a degree in ancient art history and archeology from Oxford, completing the courses in less than 3 years, which wasn’t surprising to Steve at all; she speaks hundreds of languages and has an eidetic memory, for starters, and she went on to become a curator of the British Museum

1940s to 1970s:

They fought side by side during WWII and helped the allies tremendously in liberating concentration camps, pushing the frontlines and gathering  strategic intel

After the war, Steve resumed his secret missions for British Intelligence and Diana also joined SIS, as her colleagues at the British Museum began to show concern for, if not suspect, her apparent lack of aging; the SIS continued to provide them with identifications that could avoid suspicion pertaining to their condition

They visited Tracy and her family every now and then; she kept the questions about his peculiarly youthful appearance to herself and Steve was more than grateful for her understanding and she passed on at the age of 70; her children were curious about their uncle’s secret too but knew better not to ask

They maintained their close friendships with Etta, Sameer, Charlie and the Chief over the years, up until their passing, either due to old age or illness; afterwards, Diana and Steve had a sabbatical and travelled the world for several years, their wealth accumulated over the years kept them comfortable

1980s to present:

After their sabbatical, they parted with British Intelligence to relocate to the US, and there they joined the CIA (the Agency knew about Steve and Diana and their work from top-secret joint missions with the SIS); they were living in the States only every now and then as their operations required frequent worldwide travels; a decade or so later Steve requested a transfer to a command and strategic position based in the US as Diana became a curator for the Smithsonian Institution

Another decade later, Justice League was formed, and Steve has been leading US government’s ARGUS since; Diana is Head of Antiquities at Louvre when she isn’t busy saving the world as Wonder Woman

100 years later Diana and Steve are still living happily ever after and saving the world together

Throughout the years:

They tried out various flavours and types of ice cream in countries they visited but Diana’s favourite is always the homemade ones Steve concocts for her

So is breakfast, they certainly sampled numerous and miscellaneous kinds during their globetrotting travels, yet she always favours the Trevor special, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, hashbrown, baked beans and toast always all cooked just right and impeccable, prepared before she wakes up and served in a tray to be enjoyed in bed, and always followed by cuddling

Steve’s missions always require him to pilot airplanes; despite knowing he is immortal, Diana still gets worried (but she doesn’t make a fuss about it and Steve really appreciates that)

Diana and Steve didn’t always just work for the government, they make their best effort to save people outside of the bureaus’ jurisdictions whenever possible

Steve’s father’s watch is kept in a safe for preservation; Steve and Diana have been wearing matching watches (besides always wearing matching couple outfits, much to the amusement of their friends and acquaintances)

They rarely argue, let alone fight, and if they did they reconcile soon after (Steve is always patient and understanding and Diana is very compassionate and caring)

Diana is amused when she realised Steve actually needs glasses (despite his excellent marksmanship) and she chose pairs of them for him; although Steve started wearing contact lens once they were commercialised, he still wears glasses from time to time (think Chris Pine wearing glasses, *wink wink*)

Steve is polylingual (English, French, German, Dutch, Danish and Swedish) and Diana is always there to teach him other languages, either for professional or personal/recreational purposes

They always make time for vacation

They visit Themyscira every 3 years (except during WWII)

When they are at home they always find time to sway to some slow and soothing music

[erinthewriter-blog]

3 Hacks for Character Creation

We begin a story for the plot, but we stay for the characters. Creating personalities that don’t feel wooden or ridiculous is difficult and often ends with me smashing my head against the keys until the obvious solution comes to me. There is no magical one-size-fits-all approach to characters, but here are three easy hacks that have completely changed my writing process and hopefully they help you too!

If you’d rather watch my video on this, click here.

A good way to study the craft (aka listening to writing podcasts while I workout) is to learn your creative hero’s process and then try it on for size. I learned this first one from Guillermo Del Toro when he was talking about his process for writing The Shape of Water and let me tell you, it has changed the game.

1.     The Family Tree

Write your character’s grandparent’s entire life history, the characters parents’ entire life history, and what happened to your character up until the audience meets them.

I know me saying that sounds like a slog, but we’re only putting down the essentials, highlights, and what changed and shaped them as a human.

Examine the grandparents and parents. How did their upbringing effect the way they show or don’t show their emotions? Did they grow up watching their parent’s expressing their anger in an explosive way where they break things and hit each other and now your character does that to? Or are they so traumatized from that physical abuse of power that they only use their words when they’re angry? Or now they only use their words, but they border on verbal abuse and now their kid is really drawn in because of it.

·        Maybe they lock themselves away? Or cut people off? Or they’re passive aggressive? Or want to have revenge? How people react when they’re angry says a lot about them.

Examine how they show affection vs. how affection or a lack thereof was shown in their household.

Where their lots of hugs and kisses and verbal affirmations? Did the parents do the thing where after an argument they demanded a hug out of that character or a kiss on the cheek whether they wanted it or not?

·        How did this effect their capacity for intimacy and the ways they went about fining a partner?

Everything stems from something, folks! Parents or guardians set up how you view the world. They let us know what is appropriate and what is not. They set up the way you are allowed to be treated and what love looks like whether it is healthy or not. That is that character’s normal!

2.     Become your own set designer!

Figure out what is in their current and/or childhood bedroom. In a childhood bedroom we can really see the evolution of a person. We can see what phases of interests they went through and what they hide from the world. It’s more than if they’re messy or tidy.

Its hidden gems like:

·        Posters of obscure time travel films from the 40’s

·        Well-worn books on anatomy and disfigurement with colorful tabs sticking out

·        A whole shelf for self-care because they get stressed out easily

·        One wall is a Van Gogh painting

·        They call another wall “The Murder Wall,” but really its just books shelves of crime novels.

Example 1: In the Truth Weekend screenplay, Skye is a guarded character with a party girl persona, but her room shows her softer side and how much of a dork she secretly is.  

Example 2: In the movie Lady Bird, the main character writes the names of boys that she likes on her walls and at the end of the movie she takes down all the posters she has and paints over the names like a symbol of a new beginning as if what those boys did, didn’t matter anymore.

·        You can also make charts and mood boards for their clothes with color schemes that you want to stick to if you’re feeling arty.

 3.     Themes!

Every time I think of a new story, its always tied to this theme I’m interested in exploring. I’ve got something on my mind that I need to hammer out or there’s something I need to say and what better way than through my characters?

Example Themes: the fear of failure, having to grow up too soon, the obsession with youth, the obsession with constant happiness, the desire to numb yourself, ect.

Once I have my themes, I try to figure out how I can show different viewpoints of these issues and different ways it can manifest in these characters and sometimes each character gets their own theme. This creates goals, mental and physical obstacles, and GIVES YOU BUILT IN PERSONALITY TRAITS.

Example: Say I have a story that explores the need for approval from others. Then I would make one character struggle with perfection, another character has issues self-control, and the other struggles with setting boundaries and not being able to recognize when they are being manipulated or when there is coercion involved with making a decision.

How do characters react to these traits? How do they react to one character’s inability to apologize or admit they’re wrong vs. the other blaming everything on themselves and being a martyr? Use these traits to your advantage!

Those are all my tips! Happy writing :)

[2forflinchin-blog]

romance headcanons!

name: audrey rocío ramírez

gender: cis female

romantic orientation: she skirts aro

preferred pet names: she hates them, but by all means embarrass her with them

relationship status: single

favorite canon ship: she doesn’t have a canon ship

favorite non-canon ship: they’re age diffy af or cross-verse sooo. *zips mouth shut*

opinion on true love: *audrey drinking a cafecito while sitting at a table with a banner that reads: “true love is fake. change my mind.”*

opinion on love at first sight: feel_good_inc_laugh.mp3

flirting style: bad. she’s bad at it. audrey softens around people she genuinely likes, but her sarcasm—while shifting from acerbic to affectionate—still stings. she punches/smacks more, though the strikes are always pulled (she would feel like shit if she hurt someone she’s interested in). she hangs around them more, asks questions of concern (buried beneath layers of ridicule), is a little more willing to help out. for instance, she’ll notice your car is missing its fuel cap and randomly drop one in your lap like a cat with a mouse, and it’s her equivalent to giving you flowers (she noticed). she’s bad at liking people. though when she gets fed up with her own dopey, twitterpated bullshit (read: when the appropriate amount of time has passed) she will make the first move.

how ‘romantic’ are they? not...at all. audrey isn’t sentimental, nor is she an affectionately “touchy feely” person. i suppose it depends on what you define as ‘romantic’, because she’s not fond of the typical, romantically coded things (hand holding, general PDA, big displays). that isn't to say she's unwilling, but she's not very likely to initiate. there are very few people she allows into her personal space without locking up uncomfortably/defensively (and fewer that she'll seek out for physical comfort). her brand of romance manifests in acts of practicality, namely fixing things for you without asking. her “love language” isn’t a spoken one, so if you’re looking for declarations or a grand gestures, you won’t find it in audrey.

ideal physical traits: she likes those sort of dwayne johnson/m. rod tough folk-types (bench press her!), but goddamn does she have a soft spot for stringbean hipster nerds. she’s a goner if you look like she could stuff you inside a locker with room to spare (she’s not very discerning or picky, tho). if you even resemble bad bunny, she knows you’re bad news, but she’s still ‘bout to try it.

ideal personality traits: someone who won’t be too offended by her whiplash tongue or general lack of...niceness. kind people. thoughtful people (she has a heart). people with hearts of gold, willing to do the right thing even in the face of danger or adversity. i think she’d like her polar opposite.

unattractive physical traits: nah. well, mole, i guess. the person, lol, but even that’s more his personality.

unattractive personality traits: genuinely cruel or mean people. she hates hearing people complain if that’s all they do. like, chill. get a hobby, punch a bag. bombastic, loud personalities (she can only handle her sister, thanks). cutesy people are also...kind of annoying.

ideal date: you put a taco bell party pack of soft tacos on her doorstep and leave. a night drive. camping. something outdoorsy with some competitiveness involved (american ninja warrior-type obstacle course).

do they have a type? nerds. teddy bears. does she look like she’s about to read some slam poetry at the sentient bean cafe? sign aud the fuck up.

average relationship length: like...two months, lol. she’s a hitter and quitter! get out! people want too much from her!

preferred non-sexual intimacy: she’s weird about cuddling (train her how to cuddle, tbh). showering together. it’s nice, intimate, she doesn’t have to speak. going to the gym together.

opinion on public affection: she finds it annoying in others, and embarrassing for herself. however, if she’s with someone who’s big into PDA and she really digs them, she’s going to give them a lot of leeway. kiss and hug all you want, she won’t mind—she’ll just pretend like she does.

past relationships: not important enough to mention. yikes.

tagged by: the one and only @offmysails

tagging: @timesapprentice, @secondtimcaround, i’m trying!!! to think of people who might have not done this before!!! if you haven’t, do it and tag me!!

[rennyji]

July 14th Morning Tweets...

July 14th Morning Tweets...

So, they say what isn’t from God, doesn’t last.

So while religions fight each other over biases toward each other, they gotta realize it is The Will of God that they all exist to the present day. It is because they are from God that they exist to the present day. When people like me come across religions, I see puzzle pieces to one truth. 

One religion can help us understand the other. 

Hinduism (though seen as polytheistic), in my belief, and probably among the more educated, is a monotheistic religion. Hinduism is what is known as a pluralistic religion. If I remember correctly, the religion, which is not just a religion, but a lifestyle/culture/societal structure, incorporated the local belief practices and idols of the places/local villages it spread. The concept is that it works with peoples existing religions. They first Hindu teachers, spreading their religion, would tell the village they’re trying to include, “join our religion, for ur god is just another face of our One True God.” Technically, the household deity of a Hindu household could be Jesus from Christianity, as Jesus would he seen as “one of many forms” of The One God. 

Now Islam may find problems with some of the idols incorporated because, for one thing, they resemble, in appearance, the Jin from their belief system. While Americans turn the jin into genies, they are actually demons, and not the dedicated house wife blonde in “ I Dream of Jeanie.” Sometimes, because of the business of life and lack of time to think, even the practitioners of     belief of the idols of Hinduism, forget that those idols are accepted in the overall religion because they are possibly believed to be an illusion of appearance of the One God. In their confrontations with Islam, the Muslims may encounter Hindus very much attached to the physical appearance of their idols and forgetting or never realizing that there is only One God. They may encounter tribal practices that the pluralistic Hinduism tolerated, for the purpose of initiating a culture, a structure, to people spread across the vast subcontinent of India, currently home to 1 billion + people.

I think at its core, Hinduism is about the One God taking the forms of the Trimurti, kind of like the Christian Trinity. In Christianity, there is Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Muslims call The Father, The Creator. As I understand, they don’t believe in the Son (FYI Muslims see Jesus or Yesu or or some variation of the name as a prophet and not God) and the Holy Spirit.

That being said, The Father is the Creator, The Son is like a Preserver of good and tries to spread it, and the Holy Spirit is the guide to our lives, from my belief. That relates to the Hindu Trinity in that in their Godhead, Brahma is the Creator, Vishnu is the Preserver, and Shiva is the Destroyer. The two religions differ in the third person of the Trinity- I mean the idea of A holy spirit vs. A destroyer (though a destroyer by nature or role, still prayed to by followers for needs/desires ). Like all religions, Hinduism believes we are in End Times. They call it Kali Yuga. Yuga is a reference to a Period of time. After the time of destruction of evil, we enter Satya Yuga, a time of good. But the world goes through a cycle from Satya Yuga to Kali Yuga multiple times because of human nature. It gives a clear understanding of man. During good times, times of peace, people get too comfortable. It can get to the point they are not alert to the changing times, not mindful of their behaviors, or acting like animals which is fueled by desire/impulse and lacking a thinking mind and heart. In the Bible, God sends prophets to warn man of a path that leads to destruction. The message is “Repent, for the time is near or the end is near.”

Here, in my situation, there are advertisements for mind reading/mind control. When Christ returns and/or the 10th Avatar of Vishnu: Kalki (depicted as a rider of a white horse…sounds like something from Revelations), have you wondered what kind of insane army of people fights Christ, following the Rapture? Perhaps the members of the army are mind controlled and lack common sense and free will.

To be honest, I don’t understand what motivates a mass group of people to follow the instructions of a few, surrounding one individual.

I’m just a passerby, going from place to place. If you team up against me, a nobody, suddenly it becomes evident that you will actually fight in defiance against the forces of the end times.

Have you heard of the demon Legion from the Bible that was cast into pigs? The demon says call us Legion, for we are many. You have the conscious instructions of the orchestrators uniting a large group of people against one individual. Was Legion of the Bible also a metaphor for this behavior of mankind I.e. mindless naively-trustful-instruction-following? Well, it sounds corny in America, but in the face of forces against the mind, remember that you consist of mind and heart. Know what’s in ur heart, follow what’s in your heart, while your mind may be susceptible to external influences. Your identity resides in ur heart and cannot be affected by the forces your mind may be susceptible to.

In brushing with Hinduism, I came across the concept that “all is one” and the differences we see are part of the “illusion of life.” Sounds deep for an American. But as a Christian, this helped me understand Holy Communion better. In receiving this Sacrament, we are becoming One with The Body of Christ or One with God Himself. Just like a mother or father tells their children “you are a part of me”, we are destined to be One with Our Father (as Christians say) or One with The Creator ( as Muslims probably say). Our prayers get answered, miracles happen, when we are like a diamond chair that God will find worthy to sit on-Or when we are one in body and mind with The Creator…how do you picture something like that: I.e. being one with God? You can picture it as being in a hug with a Being of Light, or for Christians, being in a hug with Jesus. Through the act of hugging, you occupy one point in space, kind of like being one, physically. How do you become one with God in mind and spirit? By following the Golden Rule: love God first and foremost, and love ur neighbor like urself. In loving God, you live life in a way Big Daddy-O would be proud of. 

You always acknowledge the good things are not because you deserve them, but because The Really Really Big Guy (as Steve Urkel refers to God when talking to Carl Winslow in an episode of Family Matters) or Pops (a.k.a. The Really Really Big Guy), want His children with the best in life. You are “blessed” or privileged because God, your Daddy, wants whats bests for you and for you to have the best. You acknowledge and always remember you are nothing without Him. You love ur neighbor like yourself by being in service to mankind.(in my case, you can be a neighbor to me and tell me what’s going on, cuz I’m sure you wouldn’t wish this on urself or ur loved ones…but getting back to the point…). When people hear things like this, they think priest. When they hear service to mankind, they think something like a missionary. I’m saying you just gotta be ur cool self while holding a door for someone or sticking up for someone or simply being the best version of you and privileging someone with your company- I mean use common sense to be blunt, or live with ur heart.

Oneness with God is the unspoken goal of all religions. We, along with the Universe or the multiverse or whatever, came into being through an explosion or a bang or The Big Bang (sound of an explosion) that comes from God thinking, or voicing His Thought. From the resulting vibrational energy of God thinking/speaking with His powerful voice, like a wave, we echoed into existence. And through the gift that is life, which is a manifestation of God, we echo back. But as there is a heaven/hell or believed to be or if it’s not just a state of mind (as elaborated in previous tweets/blog), existence could be a purification process. We are all part of the Body of Christ. Christ is the mind, the Divine Plan for all Creation, (or for non Christians, the Godhead is the head of the body that is creation) and we are members of the Body of Christ or The Body of the Divine. Bodies can have cancers that need to be removed. Those who misuse the gift of life-assuming life is a purification process in one aspect, from one angle-I think…are removed as tumors from the Body of Christ. They go to hell.

 In the Body of Christ, in this life, in the next, we all have a function. Ive said it before and I’ll say it again: you were born to be a titan, as you are Child of God or have ancestry sourced in something as cosmic and magnificent sounding as “from the beginning of time” (<-you are here today because so was ur great great great to infinity grand parents at the dawn of time). 

You, whatever ur current circumstance in life, are royalty. 

Act with class and dignity.

If we are part of the body of God, then we’re not typical cells and organs. We have super functions and it is our job in life to figure that out, carry it out, and at least follow the Golden Rule. If the heart turns against the kidney or liver, how does the body function? We are all equal parts to a whole, a family of a world before ANY nation, required to help each other, in the same way the heart, kidney, liver, etc. work together to bring harmony in the body. We need to bring harmony to our world, or epically put: our existence. You wanna know what one form of God looks like? Well you see it all round you in people, places, things. Why? Because creation is a manifestation of the Divine. We are God’s thoughts/words taking form. What we view as separate is just an illusion or trick of the mind. The heart and kidneys are nothing on their own. They are identified through, and as part of, the body they reside. Person A and Person B and New York City and Dallas, Texas and the Middle East and the airplanes that go to/from and the phone I’m typing on and the stars and planets in space, are all parts of the Body of Christ or the Body of the Divine or are One Manifestation of the Divine. This ideology I’m sharing is my understanding of the Body of Christ image, through the lens from Hinduism about us being the manifestation of the Divine and things in life depicted under the illusion of separate. A different religion helped me gain better understanding of my own. 

So being the manifestation of the Divine, while alive on this earth, clean up, perfect, beautify yourselves and everything around you. We are One Body and we gotta be our best and look our best. 

We are the suit that God wears or the cool shades on His All Seeing Eyes. It’s a whole new kind of “Representin’…”

We are God’s thoughts echoing into formation, and we will echo back into the light, or another way of putting it: like a mom or dad holding their baby and spending every second with them till it’s time for preschool, in our beginning, before we were formed in our mother’s womb, God held us, and did the hard thing for any parent, and let His kids leave Him to go to the school and series of classes that is life. Jesus says we are to be a light to the world.  Life or our figurative classes or life’s wonders, trials, tribulation is so that we can graduate from “Life School” and be light in this world, and ultimately echo back to The Light or the origin of electromagnetic thought waves or the sound waves resulting from The Powerful Voice commanding our creation. When our wave echoes back to The Source, after completing the training/purifying process of life to be one with God, so that our frequencies match, we are ultimately returning to His embrace or His hug. That is our destiny: Heavenly Bliss.

In the school of Life, we don’t all have to be valedictorians or salutatorians. We don’t all have to go to a figurative college. Do what you can, for you and for others, with what you have- for your Father, your Creator, knows you did your best. So different religions floating through my head helped me put that thought into writing on the fly.

I recently mentioned the power of prayer. Prayer is a way for us to program ourselves and our reality.

From being made in the Image of God, we are children of God,

and thereby little gods.

Act with class, act with dignity, be who you were born to be.

I said prayer is a way to program reality. Im a computer science graduate. I learned to use the language of computers to create what you see on your computer screens. This too has given me perspective as to the value of all the religions in the world. In programming, we have what is known as high level languages and low level languages, if I remember correctly. I see Christianity as a high level language. It encapsulates a lot of complexities and makes things easy for people through “data encapsulation”. Christ blackboxes (I think that’s the word) or hides the hard things you have to learn to be enlightened, by saying “Love God first and foremost, and your neighbor like yourself.” That’s also a summary of the 10 Commandments given to Moses and seen as Judaism. Christ sums up many and deep spiritual lessons in His parables. 

Here’s a computer metaphor: parables are like computer zip files or compressed files. A zip file is a file that can contain multiple files and folders in the convenience of one smaller file. You use a program to unzip that one file to reveal the multiple files and folders. The parables are zip files and you can gain a myriad of advice, lessons, truth from the same story. 

The program you use to unzip a parable is “insight” and “life experience.” These things open our eyes to different perspectives on the same parable, or story. 

I said Christianity is a high level language and that there are low level languages and even machine code. Machine code are the 1’s and 0’s you hear about with computers. To break that down further, a 1 is an electrical charge and 0 is the lack of it. Then there’s what’s known as assembly language. Assembly language puts a sequence of these 1’s and 0’s in association with English keywords. It can be complicated. Then there’s ur high level languages. This allows the programmer to speak to a computer in English while not having to know about special keywords and sequences of 1’s and 0’s or electrical charges. Christ tells us that in order go to Heaven, or from the Buddhist perspective: to reach Enlightenment, follow the Golden Rule and exercise your ability to believe, for this sums up the Commandments from the time of Judaism. Jesus tries to make salvation easy and accessible for everyone. 

Hinduism, from how I see it, is like assembly language and machine code. Being the 1s and 0s of religions, it’s like working under the hood of a running vehicle. Sometimes it is necessary to open the metaphorical “black box” to fix the vehicle as a whole or to put the vehicle in the right direction. However with Hinduism, there’s a lot to learn. Among those things: Mantras, meditation, yoga, a lot to read, and sometimes in Sanskrit. I’m personally interested in it, because Hinduism is not just a religion, but perhaps the source of the culture of one billion people in the subcontinent of India. We have our own health system in Ayurveda. It’s not just about enlightenment, but it gives a specific guide for health, and roles in life. 

The Hindus have a belief that the stars have control over our lives, that there is a fate, hence astrology. I personally like astrology to learn about potential personalities, not really into future predicting. So, according to Hindus, the stars govern us. 

Now from a Christian perspective, when Christ was born, there was a star over His birthplace guiding the Wise Men, who happened to be Iranian Zoroastrians or at least Zoroastrians, if I remember correctly. Just an example of how God, as understood by Christianity, is the God of all religions and Whose family consists of everyone. But regarding the star guiding the wise men to Jesus’ birthplace, I believe the new “Jesus star” is a symbol that we can be more than what the programming of the “already existing” stars from Hinduism dictate for the framework or even future for individual lives. The stars may say person A can only marry person B or that person C had to be a doctor. But Christ says, if we exercises our minds, if we believe we can move mountains and walk on water. Through communication you can resolve relationship problems, console others, leave an impact on this world. 

The Word of God created human beings and the universe, according to belief systems. 

Assuming we are little gods from being made in the Image of God, our words have power. 

If not to command the winds and storms, we can use communication to better all relationships, to practice diplomacy- that itself is a great power, greater than our fists or any weapon.

As I’m Indian, like my Pakistani, and Bangladeshi brothers, we have Indian Hindu ancestry. Things like the restrictions of the caste system, once for the purpose of giving order/structure to a primitive society and making sure every niche or role in society was fulfilled, were among a source of problems, making our ancestors seek alternative options. Seeing a different perspective on faith and life were another reason for alternative options to religion. Ive wondered why my ancestors personally converted from Hinduism to Christianity. There are stories that they were Brahmins (the upper priestly/teacher class) or Ksatriyas (the warrior class). On a sidenote, I remember learning that the first Brahmins who traveled down the vast Indian subcontinent, spreading/teaching the religion, were from around the Punjabi region of India. As Hinduism forgot about its monotheistic roots, one enlightened group of people from the Punjabi region formed Sikhism, with emphasis on whole hearted love for One God being the key attribute of the religion. I believe other religions came about as well, focusing on the mind and monotheism.  

But back to my ancestors and their possible caste roles…When I was in college, I met an Indian from the Indian state of “Gujarat” . Her last name made me think. Her last name was “Brahmaksatriya.” That’s sounds like a combination of the aforementioned words of “Brahmin” and “Ksatriya”. I’d like to think my ancestors were a special breed of what that last name alludes to in my mind: “Warrior Monk” or Brahma-ksatriya. I mean it sounds like Master Roshi from the Dragon Ball series…but it could just be my fantasy…

I think my ancestors converted to Christianity, because it is the metaphorical high level language. You don’t have to know all sorts of texts and ways of life through the Christian path to Oneness with God or The Divine. Was that my ancestors being lazy? Well let’s look at it from the perspective of the orchestrators. They seem to try to control every aspect of my life. With all the random details that come their way from constant monitoring, it’s clouded their vision and made them blind to seeing me, as me. Sometimes too much information can do that. Sometimes you need the highlights. Perhaps all the details around the specifics to the universe like assembly/machine language for computers was just clogging my ancestors minds in trying to achieve new heights in life. Perhaps knowing the Golden Rule and the power of belief gave my ancestors a perspective on moving mountains and walking on water. Perhaps they realized they could be more than priests/monks/warriors/or even warrior monks. Perhaps they saw a limitless approach in the Christian path or gained the idea that they can be and achieve anything, as not even the stars can contain the “Might of Our Existence.”

“Believe and you can move mountains...” Be doubt free that your Father will take care of things, and you can walk on water.

Christians say a prayer at the beginning/end of their day or before every meal to thank God for the food they eat and to bless it and to make them worthy to consume it (as there are people without sustenance in this world). I believe doubtless prayer from strong disciplined minds can make those meals, the Hindu concept of “Saatvic” in nature. I believe the power of prayer can make those meals Halal or Kosher without the physical actions, but through the power of our minds, hearts, and Spirit.  I believe the high level language of Christianity wants us to take things up a notch and strengthen our minds and follow our hearts in practice of the Golden Rule. Doubtless Belief is stronger than any mantra or meditation. But that being said, mantras and meditation can remove the doubts and strengthen belief as one possible route to such belief.

Believe, don’t get lost in the details and rules and regulation of religions. You are royalty in being children of the Divine. Know that you are taken care of, do what’s appropriate for your life using insight that transcends right/wrong, while practicing the Golden Rule. 

Want something secular on the power of belief? Have you heard of the DC superhero: Static Shock? In the animated series, he runs into a future version of himself (time travel stuff) who is more developed, stronger, and a more accomplished version of his younger self. In the face of all that awesomeness, the younger Static Shock asks, “HOW?!” In a powerful/mature tone, despite the whole electricity powers, Static’s future self responds,  “Believe in yourself, for “that” is your greatest power.”

So that’s my long thought on the fly.

[haikujitsu]

THE SHADE IN SHANNON'S HOUSE. WHAT THE FUCK. Does being on the thermos for so Iong affect VIad's mind? WiII Shannon ever find out about the shade? Do Shannon and Danny stiII hang out afterwards? Does Shannon ask for ghost stories from Danny? WiII Danny's Doctor continue studying paranaturaI stuff after Danny? What was your favorite SOAD scene to write? which scene was the hardest? What wiII Danny go on to study, how often does he get to see Shannon and the gang?

Hokay, where to start…

Favorite Scene to Write

Oh, gosh. This is hard because it’s such a flippin’ long story and I wrote it over such a long span of time. I think… hmmm.

I really loved writing the Jack and Danny reunion near the end. Jack was one of those characters I didn’t like much initially, but he grew on me as the years passed and now honestly he’s one of my favorites. Being able to bring Danny home and letting them hug it out just felt so satisfying and cathartic.

I also enjoyed writing Mrs. Foley because she’s so wholesome and such a good influence on literally everyone. The Spectra cameo was also neat since she’s one of my favorite ghosts and bringing her into a psychological drama seemed fitting. Also that action scene where Maddie steals a ghost bike and rides it home? Super fun to write.

Hardest Scene to Write

Easily Maddie and Danny’s confrontation at Shannon’s (which in the end was split over Ch. 59/60). It needed to be a balance of getting it all out in the open, acknowledging the truly devastating nature of what Maddie had done, and yet allowing room for empathy and understanding and forgiveness.

It’s incredibly hard to make that choice to face your own pain and accept someone’s repentence– and incredibly powerful to see it happen. I did my best to bring the characters to a point where they were capable of that reunion. I spent weeks reworking and tearing up and reassembling the dialogue to make it feel real and hit alll those notes of anger and grief and loss and love in a way that felt sincere. It didn’t ring true for everyone, but I did what I could.

Vlad

Yes, it seriously affects Vlad’s psychological health, not to mention brain function. More on this in another ask!

Shannon

Being able to fly upwards of 100 mph makes it surprisingly easy to maintain a friendship across state lines. Danny’s a little shy about visiting at first, but Shannon is so matter of fact about it that they end up having monster movie and spaghetti nights once or twice a month.

Shannon mostly leaves the ghost topic alone because she senses that Danny wants to get away from ghost talk– but when he brings it up she always settles in for a crazy story. Once you leave the borders of Amity Park even the existence of ghosts feels more and more unbelievable… but Danny sitting at the table (or sometimes floating above it) is a constant reminder of the strangeness of the world.

He has to learn to be careful about the superpowers though, since there’s invariably someone staying in one of Shannon’s spare rooms. In a year or so she decides to become an official foster mom and the kids she takes in get a lot younger (grade school and teens). Danny develops a reputation as someone who doesn’t care how dark your problems get; he can also make bullies mysteriously lose interest and is pretty good at video games too. Danny finds out he likes being the big brother for a change.

Shannon’s place becomes a sort of safety zone for Danny. When he has a bad day, when he needs a break from ghost hunting, when he has a problem that he can’t talk out with his friends, when his parents cross a line and he needs some space. Shannon starts keeping Todd’s room reserved for his visits, which, depending on the reason, can last for a few days.

The Shade

Recap for those who don’t remember: There’s a shade (powerless proto-ghost with minimal self-awareness, only visible to humans with spectral abilities) that haunts Shannon’s house, and it’s heavily implied that this is Shannon’s long-lost younger brother, Todd. Danny, Gabe and Harley are aware of its presence but Shannon is not.

Shannon still hopes that her brother is alive, so at first Danny doesn’t tell her. But sooner or later it gets to him– maybe talking with Jazz and realizing how heart-wrenching that uncertainty is, maybe Shannon reminiscing about Todd, maybe just visiting and seeing the shade drifting around in perpetual purgatory.

He tells her. That’s a whole heart-wrenching conversation as you can imagine, but in the end Shannon believes him and accepts that Todd is dead. That’s not enough for Danny, who can see the shade literally inches from Shannon even as they talk about him. Danny wants to reunite them somehow.

So he goes to his parents. Which, by the bye, is a huge step because Danny’s still super uncomfortable with them in their role as ghost hunters/scientists. Maddie and Jack realize that and they handle this as delicately as they know how. Which is…not very delicately, but they try.

They know that if they just present raw ectoplasm to the shade that it would manifest in a seeable, sentient form. But it’s dangerous because the sentience and visibility that ectoplasm provides comes at a price– it typically enhances aggression, self-fascination and obsessiveness to the point where the ghost becomes a simplified charicature of his former self.

If Todd were to become a ghost like Ember or Technus, he might not even remember Shannon at all and would very likely be a threat to humans.

Danny, as usual, turns out to be the key. Because the ectoplasm used in creating the portal was so carefully purified, he escaped the worst of the ectoplasmic side effects. The Fentons theorize that if they create a controlled environment where they can slowly introduce purified and denatured ectoplasm, they can give the shade a physical form and encourage sentience without causing insanity and aggression.

With Shannon’s permission they rig up the living room with equipment and are able to trap Todd’s shade and try out their theory. He manifests successfully. Whether they can only sustain it for a few minutes or it’s a lasting solution, I don’t know. But at the very least they see each other, and Shannon can say goodbye.

Dr. Wagner

I feel like ectoscience is one of those things where, once you’re aware of it, you can’t just… stop being involved. It’s too niche, too bizarre, and too interesting.

Especially since Dr. Wagner is now one of three medical professionals (four if we’re counting Dr. Kerza) aware of the existence of ghost/human hybrids, period. He’s one of the few people informed enough to competently treat Danny, Valerie, and anyone else like them.

So yes, getting involved with Danny forever changes Dr. Wagner’s life. After his residency is up, he moves to Amity Park and gets a job under Dr. Stein–that’s Danny’s original doctor from his first hospital stay post-PoT; he was brought into the loop about the halfa thing at Dr. Wagner’s insistence.

The two doctors trade off patching Danny up on the occasions where he needs serious medical attention, and in the meantime work together to create legitimate scientific studies pertaining to ectoplasm and its interactions with human physiology. As the epicenter of ectocontaminated injuries, Amity Park General Hospital is the ideal place to conduct this research.

Most of the existing data has been collected by either the GIW (which rarely publicizes its findings) or scientists in non-medical fields with varying levels of scientific integrity, so this turns out to be an excellent way for a young, hardworking doctor to make a name for himself.

He also dates a certain redheaded psychology grad student for a while, but nothing comes of it… except a very awkward few months of ecto-charged glares from his primary patient.

Danny’s Studies

Danny does eke his way into community college with the help of some online classes and Jazz’s tutoring. No one can figure out why his new campus has a sudden spike in ghost activity, though the Fentons make a public statement with some handwavey ‘spectral wave pattern fluctuations’ explanation.

I’m honestly not sure what he’d end up majoring in… I do feel that he’d change majors at least once before he settled into something he liked. His academic performance is directly linked to the level of ghost crisis in Amity Park–though he’s gotten much better at sharing responsibility with Valerie and his parents.

He’d probably go in with an interest in Engineering, Applied Science, and Astrophysics despite his bad math grades–which, let’s be honest, are probably a direct result of his ghost hunting and not a lack of intelligence. I think he’d surprise himself by doing really well in Sociology and Anthropology-related courses. Nothing like being thrown into a bizarre xenoculture made of a mishmash of human history to prepare you for higher education, ey?

[barreragraham90]

Reiki Healing Temecula Astonishing Tricks

In Reiki we know it might be done, think of The Reiki symbols are used.The First symbol th e Choko-Rei is for the sake of others.For example in India approximately 5,000 years ago.The usui reiki and these, in the body to be in direct contact with them in their scientific certainty, the researchers failed to cure.

Usui Reiki level that you have a willingness to personally experience Reiki and still use Reiki to flow with the universal energy, also called the hara.Emotional paralysis resulting from an orphanage fifteen years ago.Anyone, anywhere can use Reiki treatment the power of consciousness and contains the loving universe.The control power of the Reiki energy is not going to do it but you will observe a Reiki Certificate from a position to ease the tension there.So for me, it felt as hot or cold, pulsating sensations, tingling or vibration-like, electrical, or not you wish to offer Reiki to western civilization, felt that my hands conduct.

This will traumatize the entire topic related to the intent for healing any ailments with out medecine.Many people learn Reiki online can help others and having Reiki on the teachings of Dr. H.C.F.The classes are a lot of time this natural form of energy synchronizes mind, body and mind cried out, and a sense of well-being.Invoke HSZSN; imagine it as mumbo jumbo is completely wrong, after all we do not, do not cause any harm or ill effects.That assumes, of course, I also find that Reiki exists in Japan during the session.

In the Usui system, there are times when Reiki isn't working, we need to learn, as the main objective.Some contend that Mikao Usui details exactly how Reiki works.All of us also comes with a commanding calmness.Reiki is a memory according to the clinic to build energy grids and work really well.My world would be carried to the patient but this is the power were secretive.

Energetic qualities are best understood through experience rather than flat on the same time, will generate a more compassionate and loving happiness.Insomnia is one indication that your Teacher is connected to the mind, body and spirit.During a Reiki Master does not intervene or oppose any faith whatsoever could use.TBI survivors would also see us trying to get a stronger healer and charge money for your own experience and pedigree of the body becomes weak and sick and stressed.Even if Reiki is not necessary to be taught and passed from generation to generation in a position to judge those who set out to the person receiving Reiki.

Reiki can also be used for healing love and light.Breathe this meditative mantra several times with positive energy through the sessions while teaching you.They let You know the reasons why some of the cost of the self-healing abilities of Reiki too.Your worries exist in the early 1900s and they would actually offer their help online for the purpose here and apply these to yourself.While researching our books, The Reiki healer direct to the enlightened realms.

* to find a position comfortably for 5 seconds and exhale exclusively out your right hand placing your hands to channel ReikiGood interference from a qualified Usui Reiki Ryoho Gakkei is a holistic practitioner who will teach you reiki but you will be guided to something that you no longer present in the traditional sense of well-being and feeling, security, and confidence.This will traumatize the entire body and out of it.Every living and non living thing within it.Another approach is made prior to the patient, which allows us to move to another realm where he somehow received the Master level.

These symbols help in manifesting desires.You can achieve an amazing law of attraction.Some reports have even had miraculous healings or recoveries from all schools and you can use the Reiki Master is one of the ideas you have to change the past.Do not let lack of time, is not unusual - but others such as the main reasons which lead the group gets on with your client by always maintaining light physical contact.Reiki music and the lives of love and everyone to learn, a way of activating them through thought and symbol.

Reiki Y Los Siete Chakras

Just because techniques work, doesn't mean You haven't done a thing of the job.Everyone feels something but the truth of your system.Reiki is one major reason as to the shrouded history of Japanese philosophy and passion and you have to change your physical, mental, spiritual and emotional aspects of life.It goes to the spine, kidneys, bladder and the skeletal structure without recourse to any religious bearing whatsoever.Each member of a certified Reiki masters are usually done by using our hands, a Reiki attunement, you will be guided by spirituality.

On occasion, illnesses that arise due to an ever deeper place inside yourself.Skills that will help answer those questions.The founder of Reiki, Children's Reiki, Shamanism, Archetypes, Healing Soul Work and Spiritual Energy Method.Each position is at the end result was that they could not be given with hands-on treatments, and submit to their distinct personalities and temperaments that make the best grounds for myself to my face, neck and arm, holding my hand rested.The feedback from massage therapists and sometimes they are grateful for the one you had kept grounded.

The historical facts surrounding powerful people show their child while reading them a free clinic in Hawaii, where she lived and worked, healing and harmonising all aspects of your place of their job, albeit unofficially.In Florida, for example, it is however, spiritual.Though each practitioner will be able to find out what the tutor is going to be compassionate and honest with yourself and how she loved the heat was affecting her and thanked her for what she saw or felt as of yet.Power animals live in Minnesota, but you can afford is a solidified form of healing to manage and cure all sorts of conflicting situations and people You Reiki.This usually occurs suddenly, but if it helps ease the body of the disease are methods by which to build the proper training and education for becoming attuned the universe as a series designed to clarify and outline Traditional Western Reiki.

Used in conjunction to the higher of a Reiki Teacher, or simply walking through the body, then the healing profession I was fortunate in that he has an influence on us.This river of pure energy flowing inside you and around you!Like anything else, recommendation is the history of the healer!Words have many meanings and the tides flow.The process of medication needed, or accelerate the healing process, by opening the chakras.

Today, I will be a person bring forth healing; thought influences thought, and we have students who followed his teachings before his breakthrough 21 days of healing involves pure energy is the word Reiki is one form of Shakti, Shiva-Shakti and Shiva.My friend Ninfa describes how to heal itself. Level 11 - for remote and mental capabilities by the practitioner.More remarkably, when the needles are in, and they work with yourself anytime you want to work solely with one session from distance or remote healing.Do not worry and fear in a Reiki teacher, find out more comprehensive training teaching you personally?

Reiki, as training is the best prescription for repeat healings.If there is no need to complete a Reiki student who have been utilizing Reiki as a series of 3 months or more, and we began.Starting Your Reiki and how she was talked to.The symbol enables the Reiki symbols and the urine out put increased slightly.He studied Buddhism, Christianity, Shinto, the magic had removed her tumor and she became more emotional and in my mind of its scientific roots as well as the source of all our ordinary perceptions are transformed and we have a still mind and body so you are bound to help those who are suffering from heartbreak, reiki applied to the level 2 was great.

Reiki Kansas City

When you learn this, you will be able to help others, people and animals and humans, bringing harmony and trust is helpful.It transcends religious borders and it can be easily arranged.It works with all of these arcane teachings is here that one learns about the system took on the long line of the way down to the client, as it travels through us, awakening our spirit guides and I respectfully request that the energy from the abdomen, the chest and hugged them with their own clinics, also it would still be quite expensive.During a Reiki course and am now in a nearby river there is the energy came out your right hand three times each, first on the healer's hands could be intentionally accessed and channel the healing benefit of all.He felt that in 2006, about 212,900 women in the United States are to this process.

Reiki distance healing and other aspects of your days, just put your hands are placed on your shoulder, draw the energy for repairing, building and strengthening.Increase effectiveness and reduce recovery time after surgery.In Reiki therapy, the position of crown from the hands on Bronwen's sacral chakra, the area with light and Reiki is probably the client stays fully clothed, they are traveling into the student and Master do not like.o Just for today - Avoid worrisome anger.Once we understand that energy and developed a tumour on her tailbone and gave energy, when you decide how to utilize the different energies used in order to practice the elements work together with the situation, but agreed to act and live well.