#I think abt how a little over a year ago
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Fucking yikes
#excedrinpm#hate this#I hate this for so many reasons actually#every time I see shit being like omg so delulu lol like#I think abt how a little over a year ago#for 2 straight months#I genuinely believed that all of my coworkers were conspiring to get me to kill myself#I had a plan to fake an attempt and change my phone number and delete all my socials#I took out another credit card specifically for this plan#I didn’t do it (thankfully)#but like….#yeah delusions are not fun#they’re actually fucking horrible#even like ‘’minor’ delusions like I get the feeling of bugs crawling all#over me#which is technically a delusion?#still#not fun#also and this is quite intense but#one of my cousins is scizophrenic and tldr he thought he was god and tried to burn his house down bc he needed to save his family#by burning all of them#bc he was god and the devil was after them#anyway yeah no#I’m really sick of seeing this downplayment of delusions#it’s not cute
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everyone on donkey kong island: hello lgbt community
#SORRY I WANTED TO HAVE FUN AND PLAY#this is just how I see them personally and it was for fun so lalalaaa I love when ppl have different hcs 🥹#notes : I honestly can see funky as gay or bi so I’m not rlly sure where I land anymore WHOOPS 😭😭😭#he’s probably nonbinary but he got a job so he ain’t rlly worried abt that#cranky is by but in the you probably didn’t know way I think that’s funny#dk comes out to cranky loke ‘I think I’m bi’ and crankys like okay so? you’re not special what man hasn’t kissed man before 😒’#and dk’s like 😐#( k. rool is just a bitter old gay man bc him and cranky broke up 45 years ago and he never got over it )#I think kalyspo and candy deserve to run in the sunset together godbless#I love my little trans monkeys 🤗#donkey kong#donkey kong country#my edits!#dkc
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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hmmmm mal du pays thoughts tonight
#radio rambles#i should go to bed but. it is on the mind#isat spoilers#<- for the . wall of tags to come#imm wondering what most people hc mdp to like. be#i know its most popular to see it as siffrins sadness. i do think thats p neat#and probably the intention#but im. juggling around the idea of? siffrin system moment? mdp as a headmate? if yall see that vision?#most inspired by that ‘do u hc this character as a system’ post abt siffrin#and i voted no then but now im like genuinely changing my mind JFKFKF#it makes sense in a way. and into my mdp hc that it. wouldve split while sif was very young#splitting due to stress which leads to a lot of. gestures vaguely. mdp’s whole thing#a mix of stress but also this sense of longing to. belong somewhere. to not be alone#many years ago it was about the loss of their home. and much later on became more related to its feelings towards their family#mdp is a scared child to me . idk about yalls hcs for it but thats what im sticking to#a scared child who maybe grew up a little alongside the body. but still Young and Scared#its not as often or eager to front as siffrin is. i can imagine it being much more hover-y or . POSSIBLY. cohosting if its feeling up to it#uhm. ok well#so i typed this out and now im actually really sad about mdp jgkdkf where is mdp recovery#now im kinda thinking about it fronting for once to properly meet the party and. and receiving comfort. and and and#wow christ im upset#also also glancing over at marias sibling au for character dynamics here….. sillies…..#ps not relevant to my mdp thoughts but fyi im imagining siffin in headspace looks very much like their body#the difference being. much darker clothes. more stars etc. maybe different hair#think like how a lot of ppl style their human loops. thats kinda how i imagine sif in headspace#SPEAKING OF LOOP#i think given the time he spent with them it woulf make sense if they split a loop as well#and ofc other members of the party jgkfkf#im not gonna get into my hcs there because ill b taking away from my mdp hc post BUT#thinking. always thinking
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☝🤓 What if 🤨🤔! I was back 😨🤯 after some months 😞😤😲... ahahah jokes 🧐🤣😂... unless 😳👉👈
#wren text tag#wren draws stuff#it has been a while ^_^ guess it's time to remove the dust from this blog eheh#anyway gaslighting all of you so I can pretend I didn't go on hiatus every 2 working days lol next year it will be the year I am sure 💪#I say while I'm waiting to get the appointment to have my wisdom teeth removed (as if I didn't have enough bullshit in the past few months)#did the check up some days ago and they really went “yeah. ur old. those are your wisdom teeth. we have to remove them sorry 😅😬😔💔💔”#I guess karma didn't know what else throw at me “idk make her bones annoying this time lol” so unoriginal man ugh wish I could unfollow 🙄🙄🙄#idk what else to add. Look at the drawing of my sona and wait (she's so silly omg 😖🤭🥰💖💕✨)#Speaking of ✨art✨ I have some stuff that were supposed to be posted this summer but UHM I will post them here nonetheless#imagine they were posted in time alright. I'm still working on learning how to warp the time-space continuum 🙏#and then I'll be back posting fresh cringe 🥰💖 can't wait to draw all my stupid silly little dumb angular blorbos#I also have memes to redraw with the StS characters tehehehe I'm so evil. nefarius. wicked. foul. villainous if you will#where's that emoji of the cat looking mischievous#😼😼😼#OH YEAH I also I have a bluesky. it's doodlingwren so uhmn. do what u want with this information. I'll make a decent announcement later on#there is no art for now over bsky. But you can see me blabbling abt my own forgetfulness (?)#also I changed the color theme for this blog. It's not that important but I think it's nice#logged in after some time and when I went to change my age in bio I got blinded by the light color combo 😂😭#I might do some lil changes in the next few days but so far it's good :3 the blue looks nice
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Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.
#metalocalypse#jay talkin#I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level#for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda#changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is#don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men#his transness wouldnt change that#only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically.#Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band#is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name;#over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had#he becomes more caring more supportive#it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind#and learns how to be a kinder man.#all of which have no contradictions with him being trans!#In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences#i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways#to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring.#Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL.#at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it#so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine#i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt#but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues#and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does#again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol#AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans#do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model#I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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once again i am on the playlist lol
#just me hi#my strange brain concoctions back at it again lmfsh#i've been workin on it by bits and bits for the past 2-3ish days and i think i've almost got what i mean hfvbs#yea... mnmnm...#//outta the Lagoons into the Blues !! what a transition hkfshv#i mean i Have found that i actually really really like the shampoo we've been using for like 5 years hghfsv#but also i've had to switch from that one to a different one anyway cuz my hair? is grezy ghfbshv#it Is soft now though which is cool :D cuz the old soap didn't get it quite well and i was using dish soap sometimes to strip it so Lmao#which btw the dish soap worked p well. however it Did feel stripped kgfhsv#/what else what else uuum#i've developed more world stuff for pi.e which is also very epic and neat ; like the 3 Cities + radiation towns + Sanctuary cities +#Sanctuary zones + how they interact w/ each other lol :)#i have these weird lil creatures that i'm calling Rascals rn but i think they need a different name pfshv#and also cuz i made the general world bigger that means i have defined more of the plot just by. scribbling some points for towns on paper#yea :D this thing is maybe just a little bit daunting but i'll prolly get it figured out lol ; roman 3#/oh i Do really wanna draw more pi.e stuff to post hfh :>#cuz despite it all i am still v shy abt my stuff and that's kinda silly so !!#/sometimes my brain gets into these weird paper jams where i'm doing one thing but then i see and wanna do another thing (easy transition ?#but then i see another thing and then another and now i have 4 different things and i feel bad just focusing on just one because. ??? ????#when i was little i used to humanize objects Just before they were thrown away and i think that sort of carried over in a weird way bfhsvgj#balance in all things !! wait no not like that w-#//oh wait wait did i ever mention i learned to make stir fried rice w/ egg#prolly not that big of a deal but i'm STILL happy abt that lol :D#maybe especially cuz i was doing most of the cooking while my picky-cook brother was helping and he thought it was good so like YAY#though tried to make it a second time and i let my ma put the salt in the pot and she oversalted it by Far TwT#it was fine though just really salty lol :)#//mnm also getting into classic vehicles a lil bit#just a bit! cuz i don't know where to start and i just really like that one bike i doodled a bit ago#also i'm a bit spooked that my dad will find out and he is Overwhelming when he finds you might like smth he knows smth abt gfvsgh <3#//Oh i'm outta tag space pfshgv - Toodlesssss ciao :3
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going back to clean up and revise old original story things from years ago is, aside from being very satisfying sometimes, also quite funny because of the great amount of things you forget over the years:
omg i completely forgot this character was supposed to be a raging capitalist. actually let's keep that for the update it'll make things even funnier
GIRL THE PLOT HOLE. ITS KINDA SUBTLE BUT ITS STILL A PLOT HOLE HOW DID YOU NOT NOTICE IT. someone didn't do enough research clearly.
WHY did i make a vsynth your voice claim. we can't do that anymore because now i only ever associate that voice w/ the vsynth character and its gonna fuck me up. HATSUNE MIKU???
brother eughhh that color combination...
😔 wow you were really going through it back then girlie. noticing a common theme here
man your design/concept is cool as hell but we did nothing with you... we gotta either fix that or we're sending you to the chopping block to be recycled and/or appreciated by someone else sorry mate (alternatively: get sent to the purgatory folder by my sentimental ass [not to be confused with purgatory the actual story location])
YOU'RE A SOUNDCLOUD RAPPER?????
let's get you a happy ending man :( i think you deserve it. sorry my preteen self didnt see the vision but now i sure do
respectfully why tf did i name you that. cmon we can do better than that. PLUS we can attach better meaning to the name this time
... i know what you are. babygirl we can fit so many fucking references in here like YES WE GET IT YOU LIKE [MEDIA] and it adds to the funny/tragedy sometimes but. nerd (/aff).
now that we're here in the Future having experienced certain things... yeah that was eerily accurate. man 😔 but hey now with firsthand experience we can write it EVEN BETTER/ANGSTIER NOW
i'm so sorry we killed you off for no reason. now we gotta kill you FOR a reason and it's gotta be a better one. yeah sorry you don't get to live we need someone to haunt the narrative we're understaffed
what's up w/ all this royalty-free music
"i'll remember this later" no you won't 😭 wtf are you referring to girl. WHY DID YOU NOT SAVE BETTER COPIES OF THESE NOTES GIRL 😭😭😭 WHAT ARE YOU REFERENCING HERE I'M MISSING FOOTNOTES WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. WHAT WAS THIS THIS LINK IS DEAD BESTIE.
the great vanishing of 2033. i completely forgot i made this a thing, it was basically an event where in the year 2033 all of humanity just randomly vanished from earth. yes literally just that, it was never explained what caused it or where they all went or anything it just happened. it was a good segway into other things but... holy fuck girl
#oc liveblogging#i'm supposed to be working rn but GRAHHHH NOBODY FUCKING ANSWERS MY WORK MESSAGES IM GHSNDNNNNN#when im not working i need to be studying. but ughh fuck i got oc sickness in the brain im thinking sm abt my made up little people#to stay sane. i wanna DRAWWW i wanna DO THINGSSS BUT I DONT HAVE TIME. BUT I ALSO CANT LOCK IN BC IM THINKING TOO MUCH AUGH#also just quick note the great vanishing of 2033 was something i came up with in 2023 i believe.#HOW CAN I REMEMBER SOME OF THE OTHER SHIT I CAME UP W/ 7-8 YEARS AGO BUT NOT SOMETHING FROM LAST YEAR? BRUH?#apparently younger me was really good at fridge horror unintentionally. man. a lot of this is really horrifying when u really think abt it#some of it over the top edgy yeah BUT we can make it better now. and scarier in a sense of not just gratuitous gore/violence#but like lets get. idk. psychological horror? emotional. lets get fucking MELANCHOLY up in this bitch. BITTERSWEET BABYYYY#ughghshgkg ik nobody rly cares abt this but i post for me so idc. read my crazy unhinged ramblings user.#RELEASE MEEEE the thoughts. ouhgshhhnskjd. explodes and dies
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My sister has this thing where she like…loathes my childhood self ?? which. Feels a little unhinged. but leads to things like her being like “omg you STOLE so many baby dolls and because I was a Good and Rule Abiding Child, I was APPALLED and you were TOTALLY REMORSELESS” and I was like. 1 yr old when this happened.
#literally in this case bc we just had this convo over vacation#and while my sister was going on about what a terrible lawless child I was I asked my mom#and she was like yeah you were like 1 maybe 2#which idk aren’t exactly ages known for having a developed moral code or understanding of ours/not ours#she also did this years ago#the day she moved into her new house (& bear in mind I had been helping her prep/sell/move for weeks)#she told her entire assembled friend group how annoying/terrible I was growing up#when like. she left for college when I was 12#so she LITERALLY only lived with me when I was a /child/ child#personal#idk why I’m thinking abt this today#like it is a little hurtful but mostly like. it’s really fucking weird????#I’m sure I could be annoying as a child (that is human nature)#but like literally everyone else who’s ever felt the need to comment has been like ‘’you were so sweet and gregarious and then also had a#horrifying temper. but you very very sweet 🥺’’
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bitching abt my job again
tags contain frank mentions of transphobia and homophobia
#this happened like. i dont know. a month ago or something but i still keep playing it in my mind#for those unawares: theres been a fucking community outrage over the pride display at the library i work at#and have been working/volunteering at for 5 years#only it never went up. it never went up. bc the mayor came in as a quote unquote private citizen and demanded it taken down#despite the fact that patrons are required to fill out complaint sheets and even then it isnt ensured a display will be taken down#so obviously its a misuse of power that hes spinning into him being a concerned citizen#and i made a whole post bitching abt it and im doing so again (hi) bc i didnt like how our director responded to it#and yeah. so there was a board meeting after that right. well i set up for them as i usually do and let me tell you. that was the first#--time more than like 6 people came to spectate. it was insane.#and i guarantee that this months meeting wont have half as many people that fucking crammed themselves in there to complain abt gay ppl#bc of course they dont give a shit about the library#they just care about how scary the queers are#and yeah it was a shit show. i learned we have a far right organization in our town#and i was sat right in front of her husband the whole time#(standing actually. i was standing between him and my moms chair and he was sighing and grumbling the whole time bc he couldnt muster the#--balls to ask the 5 foot 2 fag in front of him to please move lol. small victories right)#when i say her i mean the leader of the freaks. idk. chairman? anyway she had a whole speech about how like queers are bad and cutting#the penises off little babies or whatever and she pulled up this passage from a book that was part of the display#its some book by the youtuber rowan ellis-- here and queer i think was the title. it was cataloged in our ya section and contained passages#talking about like having safe sex and what dildoes are and all that kind of shit. just really clinical descriptions imo. im not familiar w#--the youtuber really but im assuming they wrote it as informational bc shocker: teens be having sex. unsafe sex. especially queer teens#sourse: i was one of tgose#and...think for a moment. remember when you were a teen. youd rather fucking DIE than listen to your parents give you the sex talk#and chances are if youre gay your parents arent even going to know WHAT gay sex is (hugging without shirts on) so youre going to look#--elsewhere#bc if youre a hormonal fucking teen youre going to figure it out one way or another! especially if youre from (cough) a podunk shitwater#--town like mine that ran on abstinence by way of sex education#i think teens deserve to have access to that sort of information through trusted means. and i do mean het teens too#but no these fucking morons put on airs like everyones waiting till marriage--no! not my becky sue! as if they werent fucking around in#--holy shit i reached taglimit. i didnt ecen know there was one. hold on
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What I rly need to do is write up a thing abt this excerpt I read in one of the novels …. Ah it was so good I was filled with such emptiness and dread and suicidal ideation as soon as I read it … i have a final to take later (and get I am awake at nearly 4am) so after I get home from that maybe I will…
#i don’t want to like project my hcs too much#but it resonates so strongly with bpd i feel sick#one day maybe I’ll write up a thing going thru each bpd diagnostic criteria and use the novel to show examples of each…#although for some of them i might be reaching a little#fwiw I think that the dsm criteria leaves out a lot of big symptoms#er i guess just very particular ways that bpd manifests as compared to other mental illnesses#but i also project a little bit onto him and I’ve been doing it over the years so much I don’t know where to draw those lines anymore 😓#I just know there was a big post on here years ago that made me first think of it#but iirc the op ended up being a bitch abt other izaya cluster b headcanons sooo im making a post myself#ppl don’t know how to behave when it comes to pds… sad!#me personally I think izaya gets passed around like a blunt between all the cluster bs except hpd#but I only have ‘expertise’ in one of them so I only consider myself certified to talk abt bpd izaya#at any rate. it’s nearly 4 I can’t stop thinking about izaya I need to sleep goodbjghf
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save me old flipnote studio MVs.......
#im going thru old flipnotes i used to watch years ago and ouggghhg so many good ones#is twenty one pilots still popular.... do people still remember the TRNDSTTER and marble soda meme.........#its like im unlocking some sort of primal part of my brain and everything is coming back to me. one of my biggest inspirations as a kid#i still remember thinking the final transmission lyrics were the coolest thing and watching =TopHat= Bee and Melissa over and over#theres a very specific feeling of longing and nostalgia looking back and watching these again years later#especially when there isnt anything genshin or mcyt and instead its either fnaf undertale eddsworld or another obscure#interest... and not even fnaf sister location its like fnaf 3 and 2. its THAT old. and a lot of oc MVs especially pokemon ocs and furries..#god but they were so creative u know. i still find it amazing ppl took this little lightbox animation on the fucking NINTENDO DS and#cranked it all the way to 11.. like if u look at the transitions and movement its so fucking fluid its insane..!! HOW DO YOU MAKE THE#CHARACTERS SPIN??? AND CHANGING CAMERA ANGLES??? and keep in mind youre doing this all with a shitty stylus#on a THREE BY TWO INCH SCREEN. you only get two layers you can go up to 29FPS and you only have 999 slides to work with#and 24FPS eats up a lot of that. absolutely insane it literally boggles my mind every time i think about it. AND SOME ARE EVEN FULL COLOR#i forgot how popular EDM was back then too...they were really good for timing beats though so you get a lot of MVs with#strobe last and marble soda. porter robinsons goodbye to a world was also popular with undertale and oc MVs. also a lot of vocaloid#someone made a flipnote abt the warner bros fnaf movie being announced EIGHT FUCKING YEARS AGO. it even used the stay calm audio from#the office.... i wonder how theyre doing now... i love you shitty grainy MV audio.. but i have mixed feelings abt the flashing colors#ppl LOVED animating the sans vs frisk fight. aishite and primadonna were also big ones they were SICK AS FUCK#lots of these inspired my old oc designs.. a lot of my characters had side bangs with one eye covered. animal ears and simple eyes too#now i kinda wanna try my hand at the marble soda meme cause i loved it as a kid lol.. i wonder if i should compare my old and new art here#UGHHHH IM SO NORMAL ABOUT NOSTALGIA. IM SO NORMAL ABT MY SCHOOL BOOK DRAWINGS WITH SHIBA BROWS#yapping#nostalgia
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#i am so in love its unreal. never have i ever before felt this wealth of human emotions so concentrated over the past month and a week#genuinely mind boggling how talking to logan more and more and then dating him has literally made me feel likr a new man.#not that im different or that i absolutely need him to function in my day to day life#but its the richness that being in love brought to my life that was unexpected#i had a thing with another online friend like 4 yrs ago and it never felt like much admittedly. i almost gave up dating when he broke it off#bc i thought there was something to online dating that wasnt cutting it and i didnt stand a chance at meeting someone irl#and that entire time i knew logan at least a little bit but we didnt really begin talking often until like#6 months ago maybe? and just the more we talked the more we clicked ajd i liked him so much but i was so afraid that it wouldnt be mutual#and i was so afraid that even if he is in what feels like a pretty open polycule hed never ask me out or anything#and then he did and my world felt like it exploded into a cacophony of colors and sounds and feelings and emotions#like something had been unlocked in me that hadnt been touched in years. my ability to love.#and with that came some of the most upsetting spiraling intense depressive states of my life. but it was okay. it still is okay.#its only been a bit over a month but it feels like so much more than that bc i feel like everything is so much more vivid now#i also think im beginning to take a very particular fondness to someone else in the cule but im so not stating who or expanding upon it#he also makes me really happy but i dont think im ready to take that step yet. even if it would be a dream come true.#i love what i have now and i dont want to complicate it yet.#a extremely loving and charming boyfriend and a couple of other close friends who happen to also be dating him is good. its awesome#i just. i dont know. i dont know how logan would feel abt it. i dont know abt how other guy would feel abt it.#sometimes im not even sure how i would feel abt it#aughghhhhhhhh. yeah. human emotion. love for my boyfriend who is beautiful and loving and charming and funny and talented. ueh#i dont think he reads these rambles. sometimes i hope he does. sometimes i hope he doesnt. i love him so much#i dont want to worry him with my shit constantly but it would also be nice to worry him with it occasionally#logan if you see this i love you more than words could ever describe. im so happy that ur in my life and that you chose me to be in ur own#gamey rambles#💜
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i wish i was as good as you in being feral in tags. i truly try, but it just doesn't come. you, on the other hand, make growling and barking in the notes seem so effortless, i'm in awe
HELLPP IM FUCKING CRYING THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD
the fact that this could have been spurred by SO many posts ive reblogged the past 24 hrs. or like, ever 😭
but see
that's my secret, lissu
im always feral (lol)
and i just live in the tags so that's where it comes out more often than not LMAOO thank u for the compliment im glad my brand of mental illness is enjoyable HAHAHAH
#HAR DE HAR MARVEL REFERENCE sorry i couldnt help myself but ITS TRUE#the way i am in the tags is LITERALLY JUST HOW I ACT ALL THE TIME ONLINE THATS JUST WHAT IM LIKE#also being like very autistic and severely mentally ill and having very little dignity to speak of on this platform helps#AND i convinced myself like years ago that i can say whatever in the tags and maybe 2 other people will see it. this is my safe space#(obviously i know thats not true theres too many ppl here 4 only 2 a time to see me b crazy in the tags but we dont need to talk abt that)#also also if youre wondering how i think of the words i say in the tags. the answer is i dont!!#thank u again bcz i am STILL laughing over this#i went and looked bcz i was like 'what the fuck did i say in the tags that couldve spurred this ask'#now I scrolled like back a days worth but i really didnt need to. i definitely see your point LMAOO#DONT ASK ME ABOUT THAT JOSH HUTCHERSON POST I WILL NOT STAND RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT TEKI OF YESTERDAY SAID#NOR THAT ARTHUR MORGAN ART THAT WAS A VERY REASONABLE RESPONSE IMHO#ALSO NOT THAT WOLFSTAR ART THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY WITHIN THE PARAMATERS FOR THAT POST!!!!!#jesus christ. im doing it again#im---#teki talks#asks
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things r so much more fun when u start taking things that dont need to be taken seriously seriously
#like am i gonna get pressed over video game character morals? like 5 years ago yes now not so much#they r not real it does not matter play ur silly little game#not abt anything specifically just thinking abt the last time i was on tumblr and how horrible of an experience it was#now om older and cant appreciate that maybe not everything is that deep you know#that being said. if anyone's mean abt karlach yeahbindo i get a bit sad
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