#I think I’m very funny

[human-being61]

Gonna create a Will Wood rival band called Won’t Wouldn’t

[mxmorbidmidnight]

Things I’ve done at school

Wrote a horror piece for a creative writing test and had to be pulled out by the school counsellor for a mental health check

Ran after kids making assorted animal noises when they pulled the legs off lizards.

During a test I cut up the working out paper to make a short book about poop. This happened often.

I had a hyperfixation on pigs so every time we got a creative writing assignment I wrote about pigs. The teacher banned me from writing about pigs so I wrote about boars instead.

Accidentally threw a metal baseball bat at my teacher and hit her in the shin

Sticky taped a piece of cheese to a tree to try catch a rat

Brought bugs the classrooms (numerous times for numerous reasons some purposeful others by accident )

Made rude finger out of blocks in year three. Teacher was not impressed.

Collected rubbish for my collection and kept it in the classroom (in my own space)

Stabbed myself with a led pencil

Taught conservative Christian kids how to swear

The skibidi toilet/brony/lin Manuel Miranda/roblox/peter griffin death pose/bakudeku Romeo and Juliet mpreg English projects.

[nicohischierz]

breaking news:

luke hughes has fallen down the steps of the met gala

[thus-spoke-lo]

He’s a Real Picnic // linecook!Sanji x reader // SFW

Written for @bastardblvd’s Wet Hot Slimeball Collab CW: gn!reader, some gendered pet name (ex. ma chérie), crack-ish. Sanji-typical shenanigans. WC: ~800

“Did you know that this wine takes seven summers to create, my sweet?”

You glance at the green bottle that Sanji holds in his hands. “No, I can’t say that I did.”

“Here, darling.” Sanji pours you a glass and hands it to you. “You see, what I’ve learned is that the best things in life take time and persistence, and this wine is no exception.”

“Huh.” You raise an eyebrow and take a swig from the glass; it tastes like wine, alright. “How interesting.”

“Isn’t it?” He brushes his blonde hair out of his eye, smooths out the picnic blanket that covers the patchy grass of the park. He takes multiple small containers out of the grand, hand-woven basket that sits in the middle, and begins to arrange their contents neatly on the plates in front of you—real plates, not the cheap paper kind that you’re used to hauling along for afternoon picnics, with intricate designs painted along the edges. “Do you know where I got these plates, my dear?”

You sigh. “Let me guess. When you were working under Chef Zeff in Fr—”

“When I worked under Chef Zeff in France that one summer,” he drones, not even hearing your response. “Now here, why don’t you try this? I special-ordered this baguette from a bakery out of town, just for today.”

You sputter as he shoves a piece of bread in your mouth. “Sanji—”

“I know, ma chérie, I spoil you too much.” He sighs and grasps your chin between his thumb and forefinger, directing your gaze to him. “But you deserve it. I see how hard you work every day, how you put up with the disgusting flirtations of our customers with a smile. It’s vile what they put you through, truly awful.”

“Sanji, listen—”

“Darling, we don’t need words,” he says, pressing his long finger to your lips to silence you. “Our love is one that only needs lingering glances over glasses of wine, a shared laugh over the gentle grazing of our hands as we both reach for the last piece of Brie—”

“Sanji! For the last goddamned time, I am on a date!”

“Of course you are, lovely,” he laughs, sitting back on his heels. “You’re on a date with me, just like I’ve always dreamed of.”

“Not with you.” You point to the sad-eyed man sitting next to you. “With him.”

Yuuta quietly waves at Sanji and smiles, leaning down to take a cracker from the plate on front of you; Sanji smacks Yuuta’s hand and shakes his head slowly. “Those are not for you, sac à merde, and you have no business interrupting my afternoon with my delicate flower.”

“Oh, should I go?” Yuuta asks, looking at you with an expression that made him look utterly and irresistibly soggy.

“What? Jesus, Yuuta, no, you don’t need to go, he’s just”—you pause and breathe deeply, grumbling as you exhale. “Let me handle this.”

Yuuta shrugs in response and pulls out his phone, popping in earbuds as if to give you privacy for whatever was about to happen.

“Sanji,” you start, taking both his his remarkably soft hands in yours, “you need to go, my guy. You crashed my date.”

“But my sweet, summer blossom, I put so much of my love for you into this experience! I brought all your favorite foods, and I got up early just to make sure everything looked perfect!” Sanji places his hands on each side of your face, his expression becoming more panicked as he spoke. “Do you know how hard it is to find someone to work the overnight shift? I owe Dabi so much money now!”

You carefully pry Sanji’s hands from your cheeks and close your eyes. A groan escapes your lips, and you know you’ll probably regret the next words you say. “Look. Maybe another time, okay? Just…not now.”

“You—you mean it?” His pupils practically turn heart-shaped at the suggestion.

“Yeah. Sure. Why not.” You could do worse.

“Well, then my apologies, let me clean this up and I’ll be out of your way.” He winks at you, like you now share a secret you’d rather not have between you, and he begins to pack up the picnic basket.

“Hey, Sanji,” you coo, tugging at the hem of his shirt as he starts to put away the bunny-shaped apple slices.

“Yes, my darling?” he grins, practically salivating at the sound of your voice.

“Can you, uh… can you leave the food at least?”

“…fine. But he can’t have any.” He leans over, until he’s mere inches from Yuuta’s face. “And I’ll know if you do.”

Sanji lights a cigarette and takes a long drag from it while he glares at the two of you, blowing the smoke in Yuuta’s face, then stands and shoves his hands in his pockets as he wanders off. You sigh and turn to Yuuta, who is quietly watching Power and Denji’s latest video, chuckling to himself while he shoves a slice of apple in his mouth.

Somehow, this is still the best summer you’ve had so far.

[divineyetinpain]

The sunshine colorful bf and his goth partner (this is satire)

[guillermosfamiliar]

The Crows as out-of-context Good Place moments

Kaz

Inej

Jesper

Wylan

Nina

Matthias

photo credit to @nocontextgoodplace

[raisedbythetv89]

“You better not be watching that cunty little teen detective with mommy issues again!”

(muffled through a closed door):

🎶we used to be friends, a long time ago🎶

“Uhhhhhhhh…… *scrambling for the remote to turn the volume down* NO!…. Of course not!” …..👀

“This is my school. If you go here your parents are either millionaires or your parents work for millionaires”

[rouge-wall-enthusiast]

How to explain to the king whose trying to get you to move in with him that you can’t cause you’re busy fucking his legendary great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother: yeah sorry lowland air clouds my mind

[hurricane-heatt]

can’t believe sebastian vettel is on pole and has won the singapore grand prix!!!!

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

One of the things I always think is fun is when I see people make servant challenges for a lostbelt based on a specific theme, so I kind of wanted to make a version of that

So here’s ‘ashiya douman divorce court’ where you go out of your way to bring servants who have either being manipulated by him or shown up in a chapter where he was up to his bs. And a judge tier just bc

[pelichey]

Bonus from the other redraw I did🙏

[vanilla-poisons]

“Quinn you’re not a yugioh protagonist”

I was taught how to duel by an older family member

I only win duels through luck

I’m super attached to my deck I’ve had since childhood that was constructed by the person who taught me to duel

I inherited most of my cards from family

I use the same old strategies over and over

Many people find me annoying or off putting

Friendship is important to me

I’m oblivious and terrible at math

I made friends through the card game

I wear eyeliner

I say the same phrases over and over

Men want to antagonize me for being silly

People who know how to be good at the card game hate me

I have colored hair

I am gay, trans, autism, adhd, and short

My friends said I am, so take that stupid

[emjoyy]

He’s giving

[emotionalsupportaudino]

[uh-ohspaghettio]

Y’all I think it’s unfair we blame Dean for not saying I love you back, I mean it was no nut November and he just couldn’t take chances

[thentherewasfury]

AO3 down 5 million injured, 1.8 billion cock-blocked