#I think I’m getting there honestly
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I truly feel like a dirtbagger. I’m so fucking dirty. Like just covered in it 24/7
#I don’t even dirtbag I sleep in my car 😭 BUT THERES SO MYCH DIRT#I wash myself off and then I’m immediately dirty again#my friend Kyra was in the TTI and in wilderness (in the same state I’m in rn actually) and there’s this thing called perma dirt#which is basically just being so dirty that the dirt doesn’t come off for like a long ass time#I think I’m getting there honestly#like I’m partially tanner but I’m sure some of it is also dirt lmao#doesn’t help that I just fucking tripped and went down HARD on my long run#scraped my knee and thigh and now my upper body is also caked in dirt#and neosporin and a little blood#yall I haven’t taken like an actual indoor plumbing type shower in a month#I HAVE washed myself with soap and whatever JUST TO BE CLEAR#but I have not washed my hair since April#which is why I keep it short#THERES NO FUCKING GYMS AROUND HERE the closest ones are in Vegas and I’m not even in Nevada#I could wash my hair tbh but I’m going to be indoors again on Thursday so I can hold out a little longer#it’s surprisingly not even that bad looking or feeling#it’s somehow feels both dry and dirty but I’ve had worse honestly#anyway I’m gonna go slather creek water on me#prolly filter it bc of my open wounds tho#yeah idk I’ve never been this dirty in my life but it’s kind of what I was going for/expectibg anywzy#car life#I imagine Keith was similar when he lived in the desert#which is also consequently where I am
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We all know the semi-canonical ‘all the Robins know to hide/duck inside of Batman’s cape, even as adults’ thing.
We also know that Danny ‘is LITERALLY a ghost’ Fenton sucks at remembering his own intangibility while ALSO forgetting to look ahead of him.
All I’m saying is, Danny Fenton (or Phantom, if you’d really like) would absolutely SLAM into Batman on accident while running on roof tops and Bruce ‘Brooding Instinct’ Wayne doesn’t even think twice about letting the kid hide and scanning around for danger before there’s a record scratch of ‘wait who tf is this?’ kicks in.
#dp x dc#dpxdc#dc x dp#dcxdp#danny phantom crossover#listen I’m just SAYING#my initial thought is Fenton bc dark hair and how most of the robins have had dark hair#Danny isn’t even necessarily running from danger. he just got into parkour and forgot how to stop his momentum#I mean you CAN have him running from something. give this an ACTUAL plot#but honestly I just think it’d be a fun little setup#Danny peaks out and. in panic. goes#hi we’re the council of the dead. we’ve been trying to contact you and yours about your extended warranty#*extended life warranty or what have you#Danny hasn’t even gotten death vibes from anyone yet so now he has to wing it#yeah hi… uh. Batman sir. if that’s your preferred moniker?#right so we’re basically the ghost irs and you owe death taxes?#yeah you know the saying. death and taxes. guarantees of life. haha.#which in this case means you owe money bc you aren’t dead yet. probably. idk I uh. JUST got the job .#anyways ohhhh hi yep you’re. red hood. yeah so. mm. yeah we definitely need to get you to the ghostly dmv#it’s the same as a regular dmv but people have actually been bored to death in there#(meanwhile Batman is like WAIT IS THIS SMALL CHILD DEAD?!)#(SURE WHATEVER IM RICH HOW DO I FIND A GHOST ACCOUNTANT AND MORE IMPORTANTLY DO YOU RESPECT GHOST ADOPTIONS?)
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Sorry if I'm mixing you up with someone else, but you've worked security before, right?
If you're willing, I'd be really interested on your thoughts on the murderbot diaries or murderbot as a character with that in mind?
Like did you recognise aspects of your job in murderbots descriptions of security work? Or did they like throw you out of immersion in the story?
Anyway thanks and hope you're having a good day/evening wherever you are!
As a security guard who has read the first two Murderbot books, Murderbot has been the number one most realistic security specialist character I have ever seen in media so far 😭
The third most annoying thing in security in my experience is handling threats. The second most annoying thing is having no threats to handle and being bored. The number one most annoying thing is the client being an idiot
Ihave social anxiety which I am medicated for. When I am in uniform with clear instructions, that anxiety is zero. I have a script and a set of rules and that makes life easy. I’m super good at performing tasks with clear expectations and that’s kinda how I keep getting good offers, it’s super straightforward
Bad clients are clients who give stupid, inefficient, counterproductive, cruel, or flat-out illegal orders. There are ways of shutting that shit down without them losing heir shit, but it’s still a pain in the ass every time
I’m a security specialist. I specialize in security. This is what I am trained for- handling crisis situations and minimizing harm. If you, an off-shift cashier at pet smart, see me deescalating a situation and decide you’re gonna drop your untrained uninformed ass in there with zero context or skills and “help” because I look small and helpless, then all you’re doing is increasing my likelihood of getting hurt while increasing my paperwork load by like two hours, and I’m gonna hate you the entire time. What you have essentially done is promoted me to meat shield while giving the aggressor I’m calming down an obnoxious and aggravating hostage. Good god please do not
Yes, I am sometimes asked to stand perfectly still in a corner for several hours like a mannequin. What do I do to avoid going insane? Think about Star Trek and the very good fanfiction I’ll be reading on my break, mostly
Yes I can assist in evacuating tw location in the event of an environmental disaster. No I cannot tell my waiter that they put cilantro on the wrong order. Yes this makes perfect sense
I love Murderbot. I love how realistic it is. Like obviously I can’t speak for everyone in the industry but yeah I’ve worked for absolute dogshit security companies in the past and yeah a lot of the books so far are super accurate to that experience so A+ so far, honestly
#Murderbot#the Murderbot diaries#teablart#Honestly I would never want to BE a security guard like Murderbot cause it seems really unhappy with it’s position in life#and it’s ‘employers’ understandably#But it seems like a partner I’d really enjoy working with#Feels like annoying chatter would be at a minimum and tasks would still get passably done#It might hate me though#I’m a bit neurotic and tend to care too much about following rules and doing well#I think about the job too much#Murderbot I could see being much happier as an EMT#Or a park ranger#I don’t know if Murderbot would be happiest doing guard work even if it had personhood and a choice#Even me… I think I’m mostly here cause it’s what I know#I think a lot of people live like that#doing what we know#whether or not it makes us happy
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Watching Star Wars in chronological order is so funny.
Obi-Wan Kenobi really took one look at R2D2 in the middle of the desert and said “No, Luke, I’ve never seen this fucking droid in my life. Looks like a real bitch though. Not that I’d know. This is my first time meeting the asshole.”
No one in that whole franchise was Gatekeep-Gasslight-Girlbossing quite like “Ben” Kenobi, regular human-man.
#star wars#obi wan kenobi#r2d2#luke skywalker#More like Regular Human Cave Hermit I suppose#and R2 didn’t even rat him out???#I’m almost positive that there was a moment off-screen where R2 and Obi-Wan were alone in the cave hovel#just absolutely glaring at each other silently while Luke was using the rest room or something#R2 probably whirled around that cave bitchily#like Danm bitch#you live like this?#so uncivilized#and Obi-Wan was like#actually I think I WILL go save Leia#but only so I can drop this useless bucket of bolts on Anakin Skywalkers fucking doorstep and dissapear into the force forever#Honestly#the real plot of A New Hope was Obi-Wan desperately trying to get rid of the world’s bitchiest R2 unit#that somehow managed to find him again after decades#R2 found where he was hiding and Obi-Wan was like:#Guess I’ll die then.
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Okay 3 things
1. I was thinking about an aroace Sonic who says things that can be taken as wildly flirty/romantic but he just means them genuinely. “You have beautiful eyes, I keep getting distracted while looking at them,” not cause he’s interested romantically in them but because eyes can be really cool and pretty man I dunno what to tell you he likes looking at cool things and he thinks his friends are neat. “You’re the most beautiful person here,” because he really thinks that, he loves his friends
2. Sonic randomly dropping heartfelt genuine comments on his friends out of the blue completely blindsiding them and then moves on like nothing happened while they’re left going ?????? Bonus points if he does something immensely stupid or jerkish just before or immediately afterwards and they can’t tell if he was serious or not with the compliment (yes he was)
3. Sonic usually being so allergic to truly vulnerable moments that when he expresses something heartfelt randomly Tails thinks he’s been stabbed or something and does not believe him when he reassures him that he’s fine he’s fine he’s not dying yeesh
#KNOX ART (me)#Sonic the Hedgehog#Aroace Sonic#Rouge the Bat#miles tails prower#amy rose#knuckles the echidna#Shadow the Hedgehog#how to explain the fact that I think Amy crushing on aroace sonic is lovely. I love you but not like that and you liking me doesn’t make me#uncomfortable so you can keep doing it its okay i won’t’ ask you to get over it quickly no ones as fast as me#dysfunctional in the sense of Sonic says stuff like that without meaning it in that way and it feeds into Amy’s crush even though she knows#he’s not going to return her feelings#ALSO I DREW ROUGE!! SHE’S LOVELY!! OUGH!! I LOVE DRAWING WOMEN!!!!!#sonic dropping the fact that he views shadow in a very positive light after they’ve been at each others throats arguing for thirty minutes#multi-ship but make it mostly one-sided who isn’t’ a little bit in love with sonic romantically or platonically or anything else in between#look at him#then he scarfs down a chili dog and no one can take him seriously#drives them all absolutely insane with his nonsense#imagine hearing this dude say something genuinely heartfelt and for a second it flips your perspective of him#and then he’s telling you your eyeliner is crooked or pointing and laughing at you cause you stumbled or doing a handstand and bragging#about it and nope he’s exactly the same except IS HE?#hyper-competent sonic that leaves everyone wary of him#heartfelt sonic that makes so no one can ever quite hate him#jerk sonic so that no one can ever quite worry for him#I’m mentally ill over the hedgehog can you tell CAN YOU TELL????#HAPPY AROMANTIC AWARENESS WEEK IG THIS IS NICELY TIMED HGLKJSDLFAKS;LDJ#are we getting into ooc territory? I honestly couldn’t begin to tell you I’ve seen 3 clips of of rouge and Amy between the two of them HGLK#i forgot i wanted to do one of sonic asking shadow ‘can i hold your hand now’ and shadow looking at him like he’s insane
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forget the horrors and think about this baby achieving everything he wanted and more (first goal, 2005 vs 600th goal, 2024)
#the little sideways bounce and \o/....#and of course his gaping mouth#don't be sad think of his little aw shucks face as the boys came in hot to love on him....#also the man trying to get in on the crosby family action is a “rizzo??/rizzle??” according to max talbot on the alt broadcast#“that's a pittsburgh guy. rizz. and he's been his agent.” (i guess he's dee rizzo from caa)#honestly i’m so tired of media doomsmongering#we’re hitting so many big milestones this year and i wish they’d spare us the doom and gloom in at least the articles covering them#sidney crosby#pittsburgh penguins#hockey#long post#and when i say long post i really mean it. if that bothers you please for your sanity block me
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“Though I never thought that it would come to this…”
#tagamemnon#epic the musical#the odyssey#greek mythology#epic the musical fanart#penelope of ithaca#penelope#odypen#a huge thanks to everyone who helped me decide on her ear type on my poll#i honestly wasn’t sure how webbed ears would turn out#but I’m happy with the result#and i hope y’all like it too#PENELOPE IS WAITING ODYSSEUS#SOMEONE GET THE MAN HOME#also do you guys think i should change her jewelry from gold to silver?? but i didn’t want her to seem too similar in color scheme to athena#i dunno
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*cough* if you hate amber volakis i hate you *cough* (just kidding!) (i’m not.)
#house md#hate crimes md#text post#amber volakis#honestly this could apply to other women in the show…#think about park right…#people eat up awkward guys. but god FORBID a woman be awkward#i genuinely don’t understand the amber hate#like it is literally SPOON. FED. to the audience that she’s supposed to be a female house#NOW. that doesn’t mean her entire character should be boiled down to this concept#i also don’t like you if you view amber SOLELY as female house#you guys just don’t get her like i do#(some of you do though and i love you for that)#anyway sorry for the tag rambling but this is a AMBER VOLAKIS FANPAGE#i would say i’m an amber apologist but she did LITERALLY nothing wrong#…other than a few things but otherwise she’s literally an angel
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mmmokay i was gonna ignore all of this and not even give it the time of day, but the longer i sit with it the harder it is to sleep. some vile shit is being spread about me in discord servers.
i dont see anyone talking about this publicly so i didnt wanna shine a spotlight on it and give more spread to lies, which is what i assume m*onyinpisces wants. i also have no idea how im meant to post receipts to disprove an event that’s never come close to happening. SO i just wanna say that if youve heard these accusations about how i behave and treat people in my discord server, my discord is public and linked everywhere, and anyone has always been able and welcome to go search my name and read through every message ive ever sent
i’ve also been told that mo*ny calls me her “nemesis”? which is such a small detail that doesn’t matter in the slightest but i feel is a good indication of her mindset and how much credence to give her fantasies— ive NEVER interacted with her. ive never messaged her, directed a post at her, DMd her, subtweeted her, commented on or ever read her fics. i became aware of her when her discord drama went around last year, and i blocked/muted her immediately. so to be a nemesis in her mind reveals a very concerningly one sided fixation, ripe with delusion.
yes m*ony is grossly aphobic. this is why i’ve never tried to read her fics despite so many raving reviews, i knew they wouldn’t be for me. shes also jealous and nasty, as i learned from the screenshots of all that old discord drama. but casually nurturing a life-destroying lie about someone is actually fucking evil imo, and i can no longer retain friendships or even civil contact with anyone who is okay with her and that kind of behaviour.
#i was following friends who liked her and simply added her name to my muted posts list#i will now be blocking all on sight#i fully believe she’s thriving off checking my blog and searching her name and seeing what everyone is getting upset over#so i will continue to live my best life and not think about her at all after this 🥰#honestly i’m gonna open my inbox too. i got nothing to hide from
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Flint and Billy’s dynamic is really so much because you get the impression that Flint thinks about Billy 0.05% of the time at most, whereas Billy thinks about Flint 80% of the time at least.
And Billy also KNOWS that Flint doesn’t think about him and that’s what at least 20% of his thoughts about Flint are about.
#this is why i think about them every time i hear TMBG’s You Don’t Like Me#‘you can hear me talking right up til i stop / when i do i’m gone to you but you are always there’#that’s THEM!!!!!!!!#it’s almost funny to call it a dynamic at all because it’s so aggressively one-sided#but Flint’s lack of presence in the relationship is ALSO a presence - you know?#like. it’s VERY intentional#especially later on because he doesn’t know how to address the Gates situation#but i think just in general he’s not good at dealing with emotions#his own or anyone else’s#he gets better at it throughout the show but never for Billy#because he honestly does not realize the depth of that issue until it’s too late#and i don’t think he ever really Gets It#it’s a forever-unresolved open wound and it is WONDERFUL#i wish more people were obsessed with them - but alas#black sails
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Tiny little guys
(That comic of mine is on its way - wanted to share the little ones from the current wip haha - EDIT: no longer wip!)
#it is SO HARD to find refs for Mikey and Donnie pre mutation#I don’t even think I did them right#hell I don’t think I did RAPH right either#Leo is the main one to get a spotlight - my boy’s got that pretty privilege smh#so many reference images to choose from for him#which is hilarious because he’s the only one I didn’t need a ref for#but yeah I hope these are…close enough lol#I pretty much just made Donnie Long and Mikey Round and hoped for the best#honestly I made Mikey so close to the camera so I couldn’t mess him up much haha…Donnie’s the one I’m most convinced I got wrong#these guys are literally in one drawing but stillll#comic has been super fun so far I hope to get it done soon#if any of them are TOO off feel free to let me know I’m more than happy to fix em quick haha#EDIT: Donnie has been changed to be MARKEDLY flatter lol
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Danny was Not Happy™️. Vlad had actually managed to nearly kill his Dad. His Dad was on constant watch in the ICU, Jazz in a medical induced coma while needing to recover from minor surgery due to internal bleeding, and his Mom had minor injuries and a concussion.
Now Danny had put up with a lot from Vlad, but he had already been stressed out due to Finals, and honestly he doubts that even if he had been perfectly stress free this wouldn’t have crossed his bottom line.
Usually he didn’t keep any secrets from his best friends, with Jazz being a close second (third?), but one thing he did keep was his plans if Vlad ever did manage to reach this point. He honestly wasn’t sure exactly why he didn’t want to tell them, but it seemed he would find out after he started the plan.
Luckily, Tucker was a technopath, and had unknowingly helped with his plan by finding out that Bruce Wayne was Batman, along with his entire family of vigilantes. And while Danny didn’t generally have much time, Clockwork had actually helped him with some time shenanigans where he was able to scout Gotham and the Bats ahead of time.
Now he just needed to grab some of the things he had created in advance with his barely existing free time, send a text to Sam and Tucker, and he was on his way to Gotham. Hopefully the Bats would agree with his plan if he offered to fix some of the issues he had seen but had been warned by Clockwork was not the time to deal with.
#dpxdc#dc x dp#Danny is future Ghost king#He is currently learning his role#Joker is considered one of his subjects#Danny generally doesn’t like Spectra but he thinks she would enjoy having the Joker to play with#Jason gets cleansed of the Pits#If Danny didn’t love his parents he honestly would ask Bruce to adopt him just to record the look on Vlads face#I’m leaving the actual plan up in the air because I want to see what everyone comes up with
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halfas are the found family trope foster child
they all adopt each other. it’s the reason Vlad wanted so badly to have Danny as his son and the reason Danny immediately went with sure you’re my cousin now with Dani. it’s a survival mechanism from being so very few of their species. Sooo, halfa!Jason except he sorta isn’t yet cause Jason’s core is extremely ruptured from the lack of ectoplasm involved in his forceful resurrection. So when Danny finds Jason in his catatonic state he can’t quite tell the dude’s been dead and remains some, just that the guy for some reason seems very friend-shaped. Danny doesn’t mind his friend is braindead, and is also a john doe, he gives familiar vibes and that’s apparently enough for Danny to constantly find himself in the hospital doing his engineering homework on the room with the guy, and talking for hours about the updates on the absolute clusterfuck of the city and how he was from a freaking ghost town and he can almost even draw comparisons. he blabbers about how he’s not homesick enough times to even corner himself to talk about a ghost lore many times and how he’s just finding himself a little more prone to violence and in constant pain since none of the people he has adopted as his family are here with him and he can’t consider a place a lair if there’s isn’t someone of his in it.
But Danny could never drag someone with him just because of some it, after all it was Danny’s choice to come to Gotham to collage and not stay where at least his parents (good parents Jack and Maddie) were in Amity.
Ironically, Danny essentially can’t feel that his core has been spoon feeding ectoplasm to Jason. As months go on, the little ball of energy builds in anticipation practically vibrating in the waiting pulse of something (Danny doesn’t know but more often than not has he found himself laughing in happy confusion. it weirds him out in a good way) It’s really that he’s feeling the slow healing process of his friend (brother brother brother) ‘s core.Imagine it’s just about to properly, correctly heal when canon strikes back and Jason gets snatched by League assassins. Danny is left feeling like his core got torned out. His core had spend months helping another’s only to feel the other’s imprint and to not be able to protect it in return is— forget it being an obsession; thats like having your newborn baby being ripped out of your arms. An all assuaging feeling of helplessness that is devastating. Danny just beginning to feel like home lair when out of nowhere the rug is swept under him. Danny suddenly struggling to not flunk all his classes and beat every single liminal that he can feel crossing paths with him to the ground. Danny suddenly having his chronic pain (that hadn’t been so bad lately) dialed up to the point that there are just bearable and bad days.
The worse thing is he doesn’t know why.
Jason had only been a guy.
…
It’s only a three weeks before Jazz tells him she accepted a job offer in Gotham.
(and the guilt only makes him feel worse when he can feel himself feel better because of it)
…
now
whimsical time skip ✨
Danny is now on his feet again and friends with a Wayne of your choice (or maybe they were friends a little before Jay dissapeared and it was badTM cause Waynes? liminal 🥲) Danny definitely didn’t enjoy snapping off to his friend like that. anyways it’s been a year since that and he and his friend are having a grand time playing civvies, uhh let’s say dick because I want them to meet while ice skating, Also Dick because he definitely turns a blind eye when Danny goes airborne for a second there yep. He’s just having too much fun.
anyways as alwaysTM Danny doesn’t clock celebrities and like why would he, Dick is just the random guy who’s was fast to turn Danny’s slow day in the ice ring into a competition one day and brighten when Danny matched up his puns. So he totally doesn’t get why the guy’s so gloomy one day, anyways as you can figure, it’s Jason’s deathday and Dick is a deprecating bean, Danny tries to cheer him up by having him remember his brother instead and Dick attempts to, but even skipping through some photos in his phone make his eyes burn.
It is because of that that he doesn’t notice Danny absolutely freeze up at the photo of his friend Jay (Jay because he’s a John Doe, but that’s just too impersonal and so the first letter is J *wink wink*)
Danny absolutely doesn’t know what to do with this information, barely catches himself from asking Dick how did his brother die. Most importantly when because Danny just saw Jay—Jason less than a year ago, and this somehow doesn’t feel too recent.
Annd that how we find Danny digging into the Wayne second son tragedy. Staring at the date of death while the knowledge that they met almost six months after burns his forefront of his mind. Danny spends a day going over all the questions running through his mind over how the fuck he couldn’t sense Jay was a ghost—err was… in past tense?? what the fuck?? Danny would really like a refund on his ghost sense.
Anyways Danny goes check out the grave (now that he knows there is one) and boom although intangible he somehow triggers those shitty ass sensors/alarms that somehow didn’t go off when jason was literally digging himself out.
Obviously the bats get in the case immediately. And boy are they absolutely enraged that someone would steal Jason’s body.
#the bats absolutely disgusted that someone would dare desacrate the grave of a dead child: 😡😡#meanwhile danny: :(where’s my friend#Jason is a sad bean who thinks no one even thinks of him#in this au they will>:)#I had a sense of where to go with this but it was all over the place honestly#i just also love the idea of them not finding him until he enters the stage as red hood and the bats just. clock him down so fast#like. omg Jason!! we’ve been searching everywhere!!!#proceed to tackle the fuck out of him with hugs 💕💕#jason’s worldview crumbles cuz#you guys noticed i got outta my grave 🥺??#obviously there’s still the replacement and joker’s still alive point but shhh#one thing at the time#danny fenton#jason todd#ghost cores#also yes the violence tendency was a wink to the pit madness#batman#red hood#dp x dc#also when all was resolved danny and dick would absolutely fight over who gets big brother privileges#danny: I adopted him when you didn’t even know he was alive#dick: yeah? well I adopted him when you didn’t even know he existed#danny: you Dick! you already have Tim#jason:#jason: uhh guys I’m a 2x1 package#(slides Damian into view)#Danny and Dick look at each other#Danny: you get one I get one?#Dick: No!#😔 dick just wants to gatekeep all his little brothers (he has secretly adopted Danny too)
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Started with Knuckles and things snowballed from there. I’m normal about Knuckles, Tails, and Sonic’s hair actually
#KNOX ART (me)#Sonic the Hedgehog#Knuckles the Echidna#miles tails prower#Shadow the Hedgehog#honestly I’m not 100% on shadow and sonic’s but like i AM 100% on sonic’s hair#will i ever draw anything for these again? who knows! I was struck with the idea on the way home from school and since my brain is too fried#to write we get this!#actually the more i stare at sonic the more i like him#okay who knows might redo some of em later but i think they’re neat good evening#Human Sonic#Human Shadow#Human Knuckles#Human Tails#I’m still talking cause I’m still staring at these i definitely wanna redo shadow for the third time he’s cool but something just ain’t#hitting like the rest of them heck
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transfem kai AND middle school gym class… maybe this is the most projecting i’ve ever done
don’t zoom in on my art like ever if you want to keep enjoying it….
#ninjago#lego ninjago#oppositeshipping#kai smith fanart#transfem kai smith#zane fanart#what’s his last name lolllllllll#oppositeshipping fanart#kinda#they’re in love tho#trust me#highschool au ninjago#more like#middle school au#do yall love that i hate drawing clothes or WHATTTTT#and hands#and everything other than faces honestly#don’t you think i’m getting better tho…#not at backgrounds never at backgrounds.#if you’re wondering my process (you’re not) i learned the grid method in art and have stuck to it 🙈#art#almost forgot the art tag with all my rambling
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in case you are in the mood to feel devastated here’s an alternate way of viewing charles’ response to edwin’s confession:
we know that charles kinda puts edwin on a pedestal- yes they are partners but there is a bit of a hierarchy between them. charles just looks up to and admires edwin in so many ways while constantly looking down on and being really hard on himself. he puts on his big happy persona because he thinks that people wouldn’t like him if they actually got to know him.
so when edwin confesses, it’s like a blow to him. he took his charming persona too far and went and tricked the most important person in the world into thinking he was worthy of love. and it’s worse because he does love edwin in that way, which is exactly why he can’t let him know that. charles still believes that he is like his dad, and he saw exactly what his parents’ relationship did to his mother.
he thinks that loving edwin in the way that he wants to would only cause more pain to this boy who has already been through far more than he deserves. so he blinks back his tears, attempts the same charming smile he’s used all these years, and dishes out the gentlest non-rejection in the history of forever
#i don’t really think this is what happened but my brain just loves to add an extra sprinkle of angst to everything#but honestly the more that i study that scene the more i think this is a possibility#at least to some extent#like specifically his facial reactions after edwin says he’s in love with him#he looks panicked and devastated#almost like it was something he thought about before and was afraid of it happening#and then he cracks his little joke to downplay it because he isn’t ready to accept that what’s really happening#because he already had to watch edwin get dragged away before he could step in to protect him and now this#his two worst nightmares became reality in hell#anyways i do think he’s just oblivious and will figure it out in season 2#but i just wanted to ramble#i do think a lot of the reason why he has to figure things out is because he’s afraid he’s a bad person#so it’s more him figuring out if he’s good enough to love edwin rather than if he actually does#okay i’m done yapping for now#dead boy detectives#payneland#charles rowland
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