#I think I need some hours to cool down
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I know I say this about literally any op chapter but oh my
#I think I need some hours to cool down#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#op#one piece#op spoilers#one piece spoilers#one piece 1076#op 1076
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Cover Illustration for Monthly MdN Special Issue : Osomatsu-san ( vol. 264, april 2016 )
#i spent like an hour tracking down a textless version of this cover oh my god#i couldn't find an upload of it on here easily so i'll share it i need it on my blog#it's probably my favorite illustration for the franchise i love it so much....#actually i think i can pinpoint this illustration as what started my karamatsu girl downfall#the gentle expression really got me ig ( it still does tbh 😔 )#my initial fave was totty i think....#there's a part of me that wants to buy a physical copy of this magazine so i can get a better scan of this illustration....#that and there's some information about the production it looks cool#osomatsu-san#osmt#osomatsu#osomatsu matsuno#karamatsu#karamatsu matsuno#choromatsu#choromatsu matsuno#ichimatsu#ichimatsu matsuno#jyushimatsu#jyushimatsu matsuno#todomatsu#todomatsu matsuno#matsuno bros#official art#tw alcohol
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"I hope that we meet in another life..."
#you ever be working on a starshipping thing for so long it makes you wanna do a different starshipping thing#been drawing a thing for hours and did this in about 30' to cool down ig#anyway let's talk about how their unique positions lend themselves to so many interesting ways to explore the challenges they have to deal#canonically it's sorta a “rule” that some problems with the universe can only be solved by the protagonists#but in the end they are only humans who for most of the stories are children#can one day a disaster come to seek one of them that's so great that only one of them is the “chosen one” to make it out alive?#or maybe their very coexistence in the same universe causes problems#but they want!!! to!! be!! together!!!!!! because they've always followed their hearts and it feels deeply wrong that they can't#hm i need to draw more angst is what i think#starshipping saturday#is sad#sorry#starshipping#yugioh#yusei fudo#yugioh gx#yugioh 5ds#jaden yuki#judai yuki#art by neeko#sketch#fanart#digital art
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Small drawing collection of my latest creation Emran as a teenager/freshly minted Air Acolyte, for my dear partner in unhinged OC shenanigans @katkastrofa, as promised <3
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original character#I need to figure out a way to tag these guys#like with renny and dori I just put sotrl in front of their names and that works#but emran is technically an LaF character. though not uniquely tied to that verse. and idk what to do with Ila and Alasie#maybe I need to have some unique oc tag or smth. I’ll figure it out#if you’re wondering why I stayed up until half past 7 a.m to draw this it’s because I needed some way to cool down#after the kuviren smut absolutely broke my brain#and what better way to do that than by drawing my sweet baby boy?#yes lmao he went from baby girl to baby boy in like 24 hours. fucking sue me#but actually. actually!! they’re both. they contain multitudes :)#they probably haven’t even realised that at this point and are still in disguise#convinced that she’ll be punished for her deceit if anyone found out that she’s actually a girl#(okay off topic but the switching pronouns are really fun lmao)#but give them time. they’ll figure it out soon enough. in these pieces they’re slowly getting used to temple life#and that is the first step to self acceptance#I’m actually extremely proud of these. especially the one with the apple basket. I feel like the androgynous vibes are really there#and he looks like his brother the most in it#but the others are fun too. I loved doing the portrait. I should do them more often#and.. I will admit. I traced the lemur. I can barely draw people okay how do you expect me to draw animals#but I just think that Aiza would really love a little lemur friend#animals don’t judge and she doesn’t have to watch herself around them. she can just be. plus the lemurs are really cute <3#I want to eventually do a companion to this with Aiza instead. maybe from back before she ran away#probably something based on reflection from Mulan too bc the vibes are there. though.. to be completely honest#I’d say they have a lot more of Shurochka Azarova’s vibes than Mulan. but that’s just my love for Soviet cinema taking over#it’s essentially if mulan fought napoleon instead. and when discovered instead of left to die they promoted her to lieutenant 😁#I realise the comparison is completely incomprehensible to everyone but me but.. go watch the hussar ballad. it’s free on YouTube with subs#okay enough rambling. i shall now go to bed. @ Kat I hope this brightens up your morning at least somewhat. I love you!!
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working on my little twine game and i'm definitely getting the hang of it now !!!
#rambles#i just spent maybe an hour or so studying and so many things finally clicked#i'm so excited to make all kinds of different things#there's so much you can do. it's just so cool !!!!#i could make games and host them on itch.io#and tbh i could see myself doing this stuff full time#i could do some kind of full time programming job. preferably for a smaller company i think#obviously i'd need to learn other programming languages but i think i have the basics down atp#and it's fun! like i actually enjoy doing it and the problem solving aspect is rewarding
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i do love my family very dearly but the internalized ableism the men in here struggle with is. so much
#marzi speaks#it’s worse with my brother but he’s doing more to actively work on improving that#my dad however has very subtle internalized ableism that i don’t think he recognizes is there#which is. fun#like earlier. either last night or this morning i don’t remember#i was talking to him about how while ideologically i have nothing against accepting needing help and things like that#in practice it’s very challenging to adjust to being disabled even temporarily. and that if i do end up with a diagnosis that’s gonna be#a lot to handle. both mentally and just with the lifestyle changes i’ll have to make#and he makes a bit of a face and goes ‘i wouldn’t quite call you disabled. i’d just say ‘ill’’#and i just sort of look at him. and i blink. and i go ‘i am physically Un-Able to do things i am normally able to do’#‘i can’t walk long distances at all. i can’t sit in chairs for too long without causing pain’#‘i’ve spent the last 24 hours staring longingly at my computer because i want to draw but am currently Not Able To’#he didn’t argue with me but i can tell he was still unnerved by the idea of picturing his daughter as disabled#also like . illness and disability are not mutually exclusive? several disabilities are or involve chronic illness#i shouldn’t be surprised though. i mentioned considering starting lexapro#and he went on his ‘you’re an adult and it’s your choice in the end but i wouldn’t recommend it’ spiel#(he’s anti-psychiatry bc he doesn’t like the idea of breaking the brain down into smth so purely physical)#(and also doesn’t like the idea of someone being dependent on pills their whole life)#(which i’m giving him some slack on rn bc he is a just-got-clean recovering opoid addict. so)#(btw before any of you say SHIT abt my dad he took his pills legally prescribed for chronic pain and did not abuse them)#(and even if he DID that would give nobody a right to make a moral judgement on him. ok cool)#i then reminded him that my mom takes anti-anxiety meds and they really really helped her#and he just goes ‘true.’ and moves on#king u got some shit to unpack#it’s fine if u didn’t want to start antidepressants when it was recommended to you meds aren’t for everyone#but like come on now. u don’t gotta be so fundamentally against it when literally ur own wife who you adore takes psych meds#anywho my mom handled me making the disability comment much better. she was basically just like ‘ur fear is totally understandable’#‘u have a good support system we’ll help you through it’#which. thanks mom 👍 that was very kind of her to say
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trying to get to better as a person is so nauseating. was lonely yesterday so i messaged friends to try and plan hang outs. forced myself to ask about reference letters today even though i turned bright red and felt like crying. messaged friends tonight to ask if they could help keep me accountable so i don't feel like i'm doing everything alone. barf. i hate this. i want to hide in a hole
#THIS IS GOOD FOR ME IT WILL HELP BUT IT REQUIRES CHANGE#and i am realizing maybe i am significantly worse with change than i thought i was#ie my parents and sister and a few other people think i should apply to more schools#specifically more schools outside my comfort zone#and it would be so cool!!!! but it requires me to change the idea of 4 schools to like 6 or 8#and change from a few hours from home to like a days drive away or FARTHER#and this is already going to change my whole life's routine#and i'll be away from all my friends and family already#and i am just remembering how awful that was the first go around in undergrad#and maybe i am super scared of that happening again#and also i need to reach out about GA positions and that means i have to talk to professors#which is scary and also a change from undergrad cause i avoided talking to them as much as possible#and i am just AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#so. hopefully some of this will help but also. i am crying inside. a lot.#i also need to change my fanfic habits because i honestly think it is like... the most time sucking thing in my life#and part of me wishes i never started reading fic because it gets in the way of me doing literally everything else i need to do#but stopping or even just cutting down on it is killer#but on the bright side i have been on youtube a lot less recently and leave it deleted off my phone for longer periods of time#which is good!!! it means i'm not on my phone as much#but yeah. stuff and things and trying to do stuff that's good for me is the worst
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...
#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel#the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule#and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office#classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand.#which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a#mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively#i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when#i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an#office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then#when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low#energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its#like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that#i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my#lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to#convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture#of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing.#the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like#they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha#yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc#i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself#from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode#and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at#like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop#so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd#also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry#bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting#hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that#the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun#unrelated
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Okay so I’ve been back from Pride for a few hours now and. I’m calling it now, my voice is not gonna work tomorrow lmao I was talking to so many people for so long it was great
Like, the show was great, the acts were a bit hit and miss but honestly I feel kinda bad for some of them given how awful the wind has been but you know, they did great all things considered. It really was fuckin’ wimdy like maaaan. Loads of such nice people to talk to, and the companies that sponsored it literally did not pull punches like I know we talk about companies being performative or whatever but like. They did not half ass this holy shit?? They even made the fuckin’ lawnmowers gay whadda hell?? Oh and some of these people had the best rainbow hats like they had felt rainbow cowboy hats and fedoras, and then dresses of mixed flags, and flag capes and shit it was so fuckin’ cool.
And you know what? Everything was so fuckin’ cheap???? In a world where everything is so stupid expensive I got ten sugar donuts for £3 which is honestly ridiculous. Burgers and shit were the same and they were huge??? I only had the donuts there were too many there for me so I went around some of the cool stall holders I’d spoke to and got them to take a few from me they were so good. Speaking of stall holders, my old PE teacher from school was one???? For one of the charities there???? She was a fun teacher but I swear it was like Perry the fucking Platypus. She took her sunglasses off and suddenly I knew exactly who she was as if we hadn’t been talking for a few minutes already and then she immediately clocked onto who I was and it was just crazy that is the last place I expected to see her and the last person I expected to see at Pride of all things. She gave me free flowers because I kept losing on the tombola lmao
But yeah for reals everything was so cheap and often straight up free like I feel like I robbed some of these people what. And you know what? Two of the stalls sold phone charms despite modern phones not having a thing for those anymore. Not a problem for me though, I use an MP3 Player still and let me tell you... the audible gasp I got when I pulled it out of my pocket like ‘oh will it work on this?’. Guys people love the MP3 player apparently. Old tech for the win.
I’d say babys first Pride Event was a success that was great. Happy Pride Season and happy first day of Disability Pride month!
#there was so much shit#talking for days and the fuckin' WIMD#there was a hedgehog charity there selling knitted hedgehogs and they were so cute I now have a new little guy to love#it's insane how affordable everything was though like. I don't think I'll be over that for a LONG time#pride goers know the priders got no money I guess#anyway had a laugh had a wonder got a shit ton of freebies saw a gay lawnmower#the fire engine had the 'fire doesnt discriminate and neither do we' thing written on it with a cool as fuck image#it was spread across the entire engine it was GREAT#it was a fireman putting out fires with water that was made up of different flags#was so good#the whole thing was good#a small set up but that's all they needed really it was fun#my voice is definitely gonna be gone by tomorrow thoug#it is NOT surviving that long lmao#i do be tired now though that was six hours straight of wandering and talking#when I haven't gone further than up and down the stairs and talked for more than like ten minutes out loud a day maybe for ages#i dont get out much but hey my PE teacher invited me to come do some volunteering with her so maybe that's gonna change who knows#we shall see
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the thing with autism right. is i know if i was having a full mental health crisis what i would end up doing is going to the emergency room and being like "hello, my name is (x) birthday (y), um i was hoping to talk to you about potential mental health inpatient care? i'm currently having a mental health crisis and don't think i can be trusted on my own" like if there's one thing i can be sure will live on in me no matter how hard the brainworms try. is my fucking customer service voice
#like itll be busted as fuck because ill be freaking out but you bet ill be sobbing my way through verbally drafting an email#ive done it before‚ like im a frustrated crier and once i start crying i cant turn it off so ive had a couple times where i had a breakdown#at work‚ cried about it a lot‚ and my lead pulled me into a meeting room after i calmed down to check in#and as soon as i started talking it just started again so i had to be like 'sorry th-this is just something m-m-my bod-dy does‚ i-i'm calm#m-mentally but i just c-cant turn this-is off‚ just try to i-ignore HIC it and f-f-focus-s on the w-wwwords‚#(tired of crytyping so just mentally fill it in yourself in everything else i say)#n they offered me more time to chill but im like no really i genuinely am calm‚ i calm down wayyy before my body does its gonna#keep doing this on and off all day‚ it takes hours for it to fully calm down and is on a hair trigger the entire time#so thinking about this will make it kick back up again no matter what unless we talk tomorrow‚ so if youre ok with bearing with me then cool#and theyre like. dang ok and just focused on what i said#or much more recently i was talking to my roommate‚ stopped‚ held up a finger + stood there silently for ten seconds‚#then was like 'sorry about that‚ i think i have to throw up. excuse me for a moment. what was that? oh gotcha yeah i'll message you if i#need anything‚ thank you'#and just typing it out like that it sounds like i was fine and just saw it coming a ways away. however that is not the case#i had had my covid booster and some other vaccine earlier that day‚ lost 5 vials of blood‚ eaten Nothing‚ drank only#acidic-ass apple juice‚ and had just hit my vape too hard#keeping it in once it made its presence known was a feat of will the likes of which have never been seen before#and still my sentences prevail
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auuggghg wauughh im dying from a deadly diseas. its called ate pizza and macdonalds and soy all in one day disease an d symptoms include exploding. u mgiht want to step back brother
#figjting for my life on the toilet rn you have no idea#it seemed like such a good idea. it seemed like such a good idea.#the pizza. that was like 12 hours ago at this point. and you know i could feel it but i was ok. you know.#same goes for macdonalds. ok sure mcflurry and nuggets and a few fries floatin around in there for like 8 hrs. but it was fine. i was fine.#i get home just before 11pm right. sleepy guy. nap on the couch for an hour. i should have gone to bed. but no.#my hubris. my desire for prawn fried rice. i simply had to have it.#looking back i can see how the universe tried to stop me. no onions. no sesame oil. but i pushed on. i was determined.#i have onion powder. i have peanut oil. you cannot stop me. the battle cry has sounded. the war has begun.#whisk and cook the egg. chop chop chop the bacon and fry with the prawn and garlic. add spices. veggies. and of course rice#add the substitute peanut oil. a... generous amount of oyster sauce. its good. and of course how could we forget the soy sauce#ha. ha ha ha. hahahaahaha. ha. god.#glug glug glug. tipping the nearly-empty bottle of costco soy sauce upside-down into the wok. hissssss#mix mix mix. taste test. adjust a little. shame about the onion but otherwise good. cant wait to eat a bowl.#scoop scoop scoop. fried rice in a bowl. sit and play some turf war while it cools. eat eat eat. listen to sci guys podcast. life is good.#perhaps it would have been fine if it had ended here. my decisions would not have been without consequence but they would be bearable.#it did not end there.#another bowl. another mistake. ingesting more and more soy. gorging myself upon the garden of eden. wrath was fast approaching#i dont know if i really need to explain this next part. to be honest. i think you can probably guess. the pain. the shartblasting. you know#anyway it took me so long to write these tags that im actually mostly fine now and in bed with a kitty so life is good#tomorrow i will eat even more fried rice and maybe even buy that one chocolate soy milk even though it kills me but it tastes sooo good#i will never learn my lesson ever amen#mine#wow long tags. hiiiii if u read all this
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watching ror and i just have some thoughts
#ROUND TWO WAS UNACCEPTABLE PLS I WAS CRYING#adam’s line was so iconic it literally brought me to tears#“does any man alive need a good reason to want to protect his children?” and i was sobbing#full on sobbing i wasn’t even hiding it anymore it was so emotional and truly a good fight#ADAM ON TOP!! just thinking about that ep has me emotional again like i love adam fr#and i have just been so desperate for the humans to win so when i spoiled myself that humans were gonna win in the 3rd round i was so happy#BUT AT WHAT COST#i ended up becoming attached to poseidon out of all the characters lmfaoo 😭😭😭 i was cheering mr sushi on he is so cool and ugh i just#i could talk about this man for hours like he is the epitome of beauty and he’s so elegant HE DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE 😭#but also i love sasaki and he’s so respectable n admirable that i really don’t know who i’m cheering for atp 😭 this animanga has me in#SHAMBLES! left me emotionally wrecked and so hyped at the same time#but so far my favorite fight would still be jack the ripper vs hercules like wait okay i could go on n on about how much#i love the detail that goes on in jack’s character n how genius it was that hilde chose him for that round ugh it was so good#i would say deep down adam vs zeus is my most fav fight or poseidon vs kojiro but the outcomes of those HURT i can’t not cry#I LOVE SHIVA TOO#can’t wait for qin shi huang vs hades roundd hnggrrr#bro i wanna write a poseidon fic so bad but for some reason i have been itching to write for jack like !! feef#nami [ rambles ]
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milking my little breaks for all they're worth
#i have 5 more minutes and then 1h 20m left of my shift#i like the job i have fun w my department#but usually after like 4 or 5 hours our dep is done so we help with stocking shelves#and its not bad or anything i enjoy stocking its just. i am consistently paired up with one guy#and i like him! he seems cool! but hes. i dont wanna say condescending bc i dont think he is#but hes been here a while and knows where everything is and i Dont Know where everything is so i am slightly slower than him#and he doesnt say anything theres just a. vibe?#i think some part of him feels like hes babysitting and im slowing him down akshrls#i just don't know how anythings done bc i wasnt trained in the stocking stuff i just have to work it out as i go#and in the few times hes told me how things are done its been really nice and he emphasized that if no one told me then how would i know#but im still 🧍♂️#2 mins left of my break#im meant to go do laundry right after my shift but i dont wanna im Tired#but i need to. so i will. regrettably
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funny update a couple of months later for People Who Want to Know: i dont have the car that got me into this Incredibly Minor Accident anymore. while after the accident, i did have to get the brakes serviced (wow, they were faulty, who knew!), it proceeded to have Several More Issues, such as: the transmission being fucked up and Trouble With Turns. i still drove it regardless because i needed that shit to get to college but eventually the radiator fan stopped working on it (where it would start overheating if the car wasn't moving (if the car was moving then air could still blow over the engine, cooling it down)) and My Mother deemed it too dangerous to drive. RIP to the shitty 2012 jeep liberty hand-me-down with 200k miles that led to the creation of the Kim Moment(TM).
need to share an experience i had 30 minutes ago
(edit: thanks to @walks-the-ages for providing and reminding me to put alt text, sorry it slips my mind alot lol)
#also i have not had any Kim Moments since. SAD!#very funny to me all the people with systems relating w/ this. unfortunately my brain likes to play with characters like dolls and it will#do this to me sometimes. shoutout to the times when someone would text something to me and then id envision what one of my OCs would respon#with in my head. adhd hyperfixation moment if i can be quite honest.#also i never got a follow up from the other guy that i got into the accident with so im assuming his car is okay. thumbsup emoji#and i havent been in any accidents since so erm... w for me!#(i have only been driving this new car for like 5 days and im Nervous. and ill be driving it more than my old car because im Getting Job#soon.... ough)#i remember the day that My Mother decided the car was too unsafe to drive very clearly. because it happened recently.#for some context: i live 30 minutes away from one of the campuses of my college. but the campus i need to actually attend (because it's the#campus with all of the IT shit at it woo network admin) is a full on hour away and also located inside a big city. thankfully the campus i#live near has a service that sends a bus between those two campuses so i can drive to that campus#and then get on the bus for the remaining 30 mins it takes to get there#now imagine you're me. because of fears developed by having Childhood ADHD i am very afraid of being late for ANYTHING. because i need to#rely on the bus schedule between the two campuses#every day i make sure to leave at least 30 mins earlier than i realistically could. this is both because if i dont i'll be Late To Being#Early but also despite my route not going across any major roads#i live in Suburban Bumfuck Town and the two-lane roads i use to travel are the exclusive lifelines to the rest of Everywhere Fucking Else#so they have a tendency to get backed up when backups happen in Everywhere Fucking Else (could specify more but i dont wanna doxx myself :p#cue The Day. i am Driving to College. i already have some knowledge that my car seems to have some trouble with cooling itself down#but i'm not sure what the cause is or how big of a problem it is yet. unbeknownst to me an Accident has occured on one of the major routes#in my area. as I'm approaching to be about 10 mins away from the campus i start to see evidence of The Traffic because of this.#while being just a dinky two-lane road this shit is practically bumper-to-bumper. moving at a snail's pace#and i imagine it's likely because people are being jackasses about merging onto this road from the people who have had their route#unexpectedly diverted because of the accident.#so im sitting there in the traffic. the car is not moving or it is moving very slowly across short distances.#DING! goes the car. ah crap the engine temp is starting to get high... maybe being stopped is what causes it i think to myself#so now i am Slightly Worried. the car has Dinged. and i might even be Late to School because of the traffic. but surely the cars gonna be#fine driving me the rest of the way right?#advance forward in time about like 5 minutes. i have moved forward but not much. i am near the gas station i usually refill at en route
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Listen It might be because I'm ace but I couldn't give two shits about sex but I would fucking kill for fresh sourdough.
#I want toast#Bread crumbs#Fuck it's so damn tasty#I don't know man I was just lying down thinking about fresh baked bread and I need some#Like if a loaf was sitting on the other side of some glass#My ass would be the cool aid man I'm going to punch my fucking fingers through the crust and violently tear at the center with my teeth lik#An animal#It's 1:00 a.m. there are no bakeries I have to wait 5 hours if I want bread#Fuck man this is so messed up who did this to me why do I only get carnal bread cravings when I have no access to fresh bread#Like a solid crunchy crust and really warm barely formed crum structure! With butter!?! If anyone got my way they'd be dead they be dead#Throw them against the wall and hold them down until they stop getting my fucking way of this bread. I don't know what I would do....#I'm going to go make toast#Have a good night.
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awesome cool great awesome yeah so cool sicknasty rad
#i am going to tear our fucking hair out at the roots and bash my head into the mirror. normal conversation with our mother.#14 fucking hours today just . goddamn wasted down the drain#and we have to go to a doctors appt tomorrow so the all consuming dread of THAT is starting to seep in.#i made the suggestion that we go see a horror movie afterward as a little treat for surviving#but SOME PEOPLE in here are fucking cowards who dont like scary things so i think that would just make us worse. cool. fucking awesome.#i am holding everything together by a fucking THREAD. anyway.#nobody fucking talk to me im gonna start biting.#it is taking everything in my power not to throw this stupid fucking paint water cup all over the floor.#do not trust myself to pick it up to take it to tje sink and clean it so instead#im just sitting here staring at it shaking with rage while#mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i am crossing a line here i think. GOD we need a sideblog#delete later
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