#I think I made myself dizzy
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Hiii I have nothing to do at work so of course I have to day dream about different dark!Bucky scenarios (I do not condone cheating but this is really hot to me aaaa)😩 like imagine your husband and Bucky have always had an ongoing rivalry, They worked together, went to college together, hated every ounce of each other. One night you’re at the bar with your friends when Bucky comes over to you and buys you drink after drink after drink, taking you back to his house. He’s throwing you on his bed and ripping your clothes off, kissing you hungrily. “Get ready baby, this is gonna be much tougher than you’re used to.” “Please.” “Yeah? Is he not satisfying you baby? This pretty pussy deserves to be treated right, luckily I’m here now.” He’s so rough with you, fucking you harshly, the dirty talking is driving you crazy. He’s so cocky and cruel, bending you in several different positions and pounding into you for hours. If only you had seen the camera… (part 2??? Bucky making your husband watch the video 😭) -💒
This, a thousand times over 😵💫 and I can just imagine throwing all the stuff at him that you wouldn't dream of doing with your husband. Maybe your husband really doesn't let you explore your fantasies and if you've got one chance to do that, you're determined to take it.
Especially if Bucky is quite a bit rougher than you're used to while still being so respectful. He got the impression that you're not being fucked how you want to be and he wants to give you everything you dream of when you touch yourself. He's not necessarily rough with you because he wants to be. He's rough because that's what you want.
If he's feeling extra filthy too, he'd fuck you in the bed you share with your husband. You're on your hands and knees on the bed, presenting your glistening pussy to him, enjoying the sensation of him smearing your arousal over the tip of his cock.
"Fuck, do you know how bad I want this?" He hums quietly, trailing his leaking tip over your slick folds. "Do you know how badly I want to press inside you? You've made such a mess. Bet you feel like fuckin' Heaven and he doesn't even appreciate it."
With his free hand, Bucky grabs a handful of your ass, squeezing just enough that you feel it hurt.
"Don't want to rush this though." His tip lines up with your entrance, teasing the little fluttering hole and God, you're desperate. "I want to take my time. Want to make sure every time your head hits this pillow, you remember how it feels to have every. Last. Inch of me slip inside you."
You can't have him wait any longer though so you press your hips back onto him, feeling just the tip slide into you. "Good girl, that's it. Fuck yourself on me. You need this, don't you? You need to be fucked right for a change."
He's not wrong. You couldn't stop now, even if you wanted to so you keep going, taking all of him. The weight of him inside you is delightful.
"Oh God, you're perfect. You feel like you were made for me." He doesn't dare move. Instead, he takes a second to just enjoy the wet heat of your body and the snug fit of you around his cock.
"You are. A fucking. Dream." He tests the water with a few shallow thrusts, rutting his tip against the sweet spot inside you. You're so wet, you're convinced you must be dripping onto the sheets and your eyes roll back in your head at the very thought.
This is how sex is supposed to feel. You didn't think you could crave anyone the way you do now. "Buck, please." You whimper, rolling your hips back against him, pressing him as deep inside you as possible. "Don't be gentle."
You hear him groan and feel his fingertips trail down your spine, making you arch your back into the bed. "Is that what you need, sweetheart? Can tell just by looking at you that you need it hard and fast and rough tonight. I'll be gentle with you tomorrow morning, I promise. Gotta work some of that tension out of you first. Bet you haven't cum in months."
You don't like that he can tell so easily but you're not surprised either. The first sharp thrust knocks the air from your lungs but all you hear is a pathetic sob, followed by the crack of a hard spank to your ass and the blossoming, stinging pain he's inflicted.
You're not surprised that it only makes you wetter.
#asks answered <3#💒 anon#becca writes spice#bucky barnes x reader smut#bucky barnes smut#I've got no words for what I've just written#I think I made myself dizzy#I want to give this like nine more parts eughhhhhh#and I think I'll definitely give it at least one more#tw: cheating#there's nothing I love more than finding someone you just click with#I usually stick with the same hairdresser#but my hair was sitting weird and I was desperate to get it cut so I went to a different stylist at the same place I usually go to#and we just vibed#she's the coolest#within half an hour we were planning how she's gonna tell the new man she's seeing that she's starting her first round of IVF#We talked the entire 3 hours I was there#and she said she hopes her daughter turns out like me 🥺🥺#like no girl I swear you don't#but that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said
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Just a thought for ya, gang! This video has me spiraling and I don’t know if it’s in a good way or a bad way yet lol (credit to the owner, you’re amazing for this)
Fighter!Noah who lives for the roar of the crowd. He revels in the sound of people cheering his name and praising him for his skills. He’s worked hard for what he’s accomplished and he wants everyone to remember that.
Fighter!Noah who saunters around the ring with this smug look because he’s the King. He KNOWS how good he is and he makes sure everyone else does by looking not only his opponent, but also the crowd, in the eyes.
Fighter!Noah who spots you in the crowd looking at him with the biggest heart eyes imaginable. He knows that you love how intimidating he can be (never to you though, unless you want him to be 🤭) so he’s started playing it up a little bit more.
Fighter!Noah is cocky and intimidating and he gets off on knowing that such a sweet little thing like you loves watching him beat opponent after opponent.
#I just made myself dizzy with this one gang!#someone please help me I’m going insane!#I can’t stop thinking about fighter!noah#he’s so big and buff and it hurts my feelings that I can’t give him a kiss!#WOOF! 😮💨#sweet boy noah#noah sebastian#bad omens#bad omens cult#noah sebastian blurb#noah sebastian headcanons#just a thought!#it’s abbs!
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my mom keeps listing off things i need to do and accusatorily asking why i never do anything like art anymore n i am just. so exhausted. ive never been more tired i just want to burrow myself in the earth n disappear in the cold dirt
#i dont have energy for art and i honestly never have#ive never been creative#drawing sucks everything out of me and it takes me hours what it does other people a few minutes#i wasnt built for it either maybe#everything about living is so difficult for me#i cant even b loose and doodle#it doesnt happen#how can i think i was made to live when i cant even make art#silly joyful moments everyone else can#nothing feels good to me#except being with my boyfriend#im scared im gonna ruin everything#if not already w the way i look#then with how useless n empty n just snapping at everything to go away i get when im lost those bad things#ive never felt safe with anyone before so maybe itll be different but still im Scared#& on my own . its always the same its always tainted w that ache that dirty stain on everything that hits like nails being driven into me#i cant go shopping#i cant listen to music#i cant feel the sun on me or listen to birds#i cant look at water#i cant go grocery shopping#i cant even hear the sound of metal cutlery#only 1 second and im gone#lost in the agony n dizziness#i want to think i can escape it i can get better#but i dont know if i can#or how much false hope i can keep forcing myself through#it always comes back to me#no matter how much i hide n avoid it all#because im the problem
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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I think I'm going insane. Lately my dreams have been so mundane, it wouldn't be weird if I wasn't just a person that has nightmares 80% of the time, so I now my dreams are so hard to distinguish from reality.
I wouldn't be able tell what was real from what not if it wasn't because last night I went to my doctor's appointment and I was handed new glasses by Harvey just to go back home and find out Laois was cooking something in my backyard.
#to be fair. in my dream i was back at my old house. so the horrors where there still#also i've been dreaming about my dog. but sometimes it's not him. it's other dog trying to replace him. but it's not him. i miss him dearly#but it's... weird. i never actually dream with characters either. something strange is going on#I've been telling my brother i wake up and i have to remember who i am#for the totally normal dreams. it's like my soul is divided and it's living somewhere else for the night#who is the person i am when i dream. because it's not me. it's a whole different live. whole different people around me. I'm going insane#there's such a strange feeling about it. it's familiar? it's comfortable?#which only makes it even more weird. why is a life so different to mine feel so comfortable...#to the point i wake up and i don't remember who i am for at least ten minutes#but then i forget what i had dreamt about. and then i go around my day randomly reminding things. then that's when i realize those memories#were actual dreams#i should write a fanfic about this lmao#it was a nice dream though. i remember vividly i was sitting in one of those chairs thingies that hang in the air?#and i was swinging happily. i think Laios was talking about where he got whatever the fuck he was cooking. i couldn't understand him really.#he wasn't speaking in spanish but it wasn't english either. i think it was a made up gibberish... I'm still baffled by how comfortable i was#i think there were friends around too. maybe a hangout was going on? everything was nice. it reminds me of the times#i would go eat at a friend's house. but things felt a lot nicer. it was like if time had stopped and nothing wrong could ever happen.#and even then. i was still there. which i think that's why i started to feel dizzy in my little swing. i ended up waking up from that.#i still get dizzy remembering it.#welp. I hope i don't lose myself tonight...#I don't actually know what's worse. the nightmares are common. they are familiar. there's comfort in knowing what to expect.#but “good” dreams like that... i end up thinking about them too much. the residual feeling is weirder#and i have to deal with the whole different layer that is.. there's was a fucking anime guy there. kill me. kill me. get him OUT of my brain#I'm not lying when I say I can physically feel Laios rearranging my brain in ways i will not share publicly#kill me.
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I'm not dead by the way I've just had the worst year of my life is all. queue will refill at some point this winter.
#melon speaks#i miss him btw i miss him. was on the cusp of a spiraling melt down at work#but then i started listening to the carefully curated playlist i made specifically about him#and thinking about this awful piece of shit guy#and almost immediately felt myself calm down#that shit was crazy#felt almost exactly like when my meds kick in but without the dizzy side effect lol
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i remembered to update my carrd and removed the countdown to the ritual,,it's still insane that it happened,,,like i saw my husband actually in front of me aaaaaaaaaaaa ;w;
#and he sang MY song...#i'm just still replaying parts over and over in my head just burned into my memory forever#i remember when kaisarion started and the curtain dropped i was screaming#and when copia came out i literally felt myself get dizzy with just pure love and excitement#i didn't think it was possible for him to somehow be more attractive in person...like how is that possible#and his voice!!!!!!! his voice <3333#the way his vocals made me MELT#he just. he's everything to me i love him so so so so so much#what do you have to say doll?
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on todays episode of "mental health issues that could easily be solved by one single thing that i dont have", GET A MICROWAVE!!!
i just know SO many of my eating related issues (not all obviously but a LOT of them) would be solved if this house just had a goddamn microwave
today i ate like... 1/4th of those small frozen pizzas, 1/3rd of a grilled cheese, and 1/3rd bowl of macaroni and meatballs. and yall wanna know why i didnt eat the whole thing of any of them? its cause my stupid adhd ass took too long to eat and the food got cold. and then i Cannot Eat That anymore. so even though i was still hungry i didnt eat the rest of it and just went back to rotting on youtube shorts and being too hungry to do anything and feeling dumb and unproductive and being guilty of making food that i dont eat. just... feeling like a big ol' waste
but the thing is, if i just
✨owned a microwave✨
i could just reheat the motherfucking food and still eat it and not feel like ive wasted that food. ((because since that food is wasted i feel guilty about making it, so i dont make any more food until next meal time, but then i didnt finish that either cause im stupid and eat too slow.))
but we dont have a microwave. only an oven. and yeah maybe i couldve reheated the 3/4th pizza or the grilled cheese in the oven, but then again the oven uses a lot of electricity. and my mom is always complaining that i turn the oven on, forget that its on for a while, and that im wasting electricity. and i was too tired and hungry to deal with that possibility. plus with the oven theres a chance i forget it too long or have it too hot and burn the food and that would just make me feel worse
but we dont have a microwave, because my mom thinks having a microwave leads to "eating more unhealthy foods that you just heat up" instead of "real food". so i didnt reheat any of my food. so i didnt eat it. it got to the point where it got cold and gross so i just threw it in the trash and hope my mom or grandma doesnt notice.
but if i had a microwave, i couldve reheated that food. and i couldve eaten it. ((and yeah, maybe i wouldnt have ate the whole thing, but maybe half at least? that counts right? well it dont really matter if it counts or not cause it didnt happen.))
and then maybe i wouldnt have been feeling like im gonna faint the whole day and maybe i wouldve gotten literally anything done instead of just scrolling on pinterest and youtube shorts for hours and feeling worthless. and maybe if i ate i wouldnt have hurt myself today
but nope. no microwave. it leads to "unhealthy" habits. i guess not eating enough to count as even ONE full meal is healthier since its not "microwave food"
thanks mom
#tw eating issues#tw self harm#btw to my irl friends. if you see this no you did not#sorry honey if you see this. cause i know you like my mom and think shes really nice#which she is!! most of the time aha#the hurting myself happened bc i usually have sprinkled cheese on my macaroni and meatballs#but i used all the cheese in the sandwich that i binned#which made me feel like such a fucking idiot and a waste#so i started crying#and i took the metal lid from the boiling macaroni pot and pressed it to me leg for like 10 seconds straight#fun fact: im really good at muffling any sound when im in pain. haha#it didnt feel like enough though. my knife drawer had stuff infront of it but theres a loose screw on my table#so i ripped that across my skin a couple times#some blood came out but not “enough” pain#so then i had the very strong urge to hurt MORE#and intrusively imagined what id be like to take a knife and drive it into my stomach#which was a little shocking cause i havent had THAT thought in a while#AND THEN i remembered i have my swedish final on monday and i have to make a speech and i havent even chosen a topic yet#and that ill have to meet the swedish teacher that is the reason for the only times i have ever cried or cut at school#and then i had another like... daydream hallucination thing about telling my asshole swedish teacher#that the reason i dont have a speech is cause i realised id see him on monday and wanted to kms :3#kinda still feel like cutting and i scratched myself with the sharp screw a bit more but at least venting about this helped a little#yall if i look my teacher in the eyes and tell him he makes me want to kms and that his behavior and attitude HAS made me cut myself#and that i pray to god he treats his own children better than he treats his students#think hed let me skip the test? yes or no?#god i feel so dizzy rn#but i dont wanna make more food and have to throw it away. i wish we had snacks in this house#wish’s whispers#personal vent#this was a lot of tags aha
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wiki how do I stop spiraling about my life once every 2 weeks I'm getting sick of it
#personal#i just want to make things so bad#it hurts to even look at something anyones made bc im not doing it#i started so late and its still so hard. i got months without doing anything bc im just exhausted from daily life#if i spend more time with my girlfriends i feel like im closer to them but then i have no time for art#if im making something im spending less time with them#and i like my job so much. i really do. i even considered just saying fuck it and going into library sciences#but i still come home barely able or willing to talk sometimes. and i dont know how to fix that#and i feel so unfulfilled and extremely lonely even tho i have friends#but i can barely get myself to draw or write even when i have so many ideas#i feel so uncomfortable in my body and so tired of trying with therapists and doctors#all of it makes me so anxious i feel sick#so Frustrated i feel dizzy. and then i still cant do anything!!!!#i dont want to live here anymore i just want to be with everyone else. but everyone is moving away or planning to. us included#but no one in the same place. it makes me so sad#i dont know what to do or how to do it when i dont have motivation to do the bare minimum#maybe i just like torturing myself by thinking i can do the things i want instead of aceepting i cant. :/ cringes#for anyone that has somehow read this far ill be ok in like 20 minutes im just having a moment dw. im fine. will handle it like an adult#and not spend to much time thinking about this
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@lemonofthevalley @phillycheesesteakcore I didn’t know who to send this to but ignore my Fucking voice in the video
Fuckinf evrrythibg
We ate all the ice cream in the end between the three of us, I had three tacos, and I can’t even fucking walk without feeling dizzy rn I don’t I can’t
This is the good night food even if I’m trying to stay up to talk to @darlingmissmoth everyone shhhhhh
We got so caught up that it was just a fucking brick of ice cream in a box that we…. Forgot Tupperware existed…. And made hot cocoa out of half and ate the other half sjdjwjsjfhdjans I want to cry and die for three months and lay down
#food nonsense#pizza mutual#lemon posts :3#auuuggghhh I can’t fucking sit up without feeling dizzy#help#why did we think this was. a good idea#tbf this was my first full meal of the day#but I feel like dying#ugggghhhhbb#I made the wraps in the first photo myself which I am proud of#the rest were GF wraps
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actually wiggling really is so much fun. freaaking it up wriggly worm style
#timothy's txts.#learned about this need trick called vestibular stimming#and it's specifically movement that causes the weird feeling i think#so like balance and flopping your head around and spinning and flapping hands i'm pretty sure#just made myself so fucking dizzy while sitting down akdjfbsjdhb
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!!!!!!!! amazing news!!!!!!!!!! i sang SO much today and had such a great time !!!! 🥹 i LOOOVE singing SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! i want to do it every day aaaah but i have neighbours so i can't be loud 😭😭😭 IM SO SO HAPPY WITH MYSELF THOUGH I DID SO WELL TODAY 😭
#txt#im so so so tempted to record a short cover 😭 but idk my confidence is rly bad aaahh#ive just sung cantarella for like AN HOUR AND A HALF NONSTOP FBSHDJS ITS THE PERFECT SONG FOR MY VOICE???#in the original octave ofc. i cant sing high without screeching hahaha#i tried singing a bit of senbonzakura too but that song's so fast.it made me dizzy fjshfjs#i need to work on my breath control before i can sing senbonzakura properly 💪#BUT AHHH I LOVE SINGING CANTARELLA ITS SUCH A FUN SONG TO ME...#i dont sing it in a ''pretty'' way i just go nuts with it bc its in such a comfortable range for me 🥹#i finally got to assess my voice a bit better and i can definitely say its very dramatic fjefhd i get rly Passionate#i dont think u understand how much i love singing 😭 its so important to me#i love how it feels!! the vibrations in ur chest and throat when ur singing...especially in a lower range...they feel sooo nice aaahh#i have a lot of practice to do but im rly happy with myself for being able to sing ONE thing 😭#im so happy with myself 😭😭😭 this is the first time i successfully sing something properly and loudly aaahh!!
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my sister has taken to calling really fucking normal ass opinions "radically liberal" and i am so so so tired. so unbelievably tired. i thought university was supposed to turn u into a leftist, not just give you more language to shit on leftist politics. what the fuck.
#like. ''police hurt people sometimes'' or ''addicts are people too'' or ''homeless people should be given shelter somewhere''#i think those are fairly normal baseline opinions to have. and yet!!!#idk man i think i am going to do something very bad to myself soon. im so fucking tired. i cannot keep this up for much longer#literally i am getting physically ill these past two weeks. like i took a covid test today bc i thought maybe i somehow caught covid again#but no its just. stress. and everything. im having dizzy spells where i cant hold myself upright and almost pass out ???#i am nauseous and shaky 90% of the day??? its not hunger related either (although the nausea gets worse after eating lmfao)#like i just. i cant do this. unfortunately im the fastest crocheter in the system so nobody else can take over#which puts me in uhhhh. well. a lot of danger if im honest. i dont do well w this month ever.#usually have lots of huge memory gaps and occasional blackouts. so im not feeling well from having to be front constantly this year#i just. idk. idk! theres nothing to be done for any of it and i just have to hope I survive it i fucking guess#really being pushed past my limits though. i can count on one hand the amount of times stress has made me physically sick.#this is scary honestly. call me scooby the way i cant fucking doo this anymore!!!!!!#suicide mention#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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I also just think it’s nice that the bastards like Cain and Nicholas simply will not stop Wren from stimming. If he’s sitting there flapping his hands they do not care what could the problem be? He’s rocking back and forth in his spot? Sounds good he’ll tire himself out. They are so terrible about everything else but if he wants to flap a little then it ain’t the end of the world
#yesterday I was pacing the kitchen flapping my hands cuz Song Was So Good#but I made myself dizzy.#makes me think of wren rocking back and forth where he’s sitting#but he’s simply moved too move and he just kinda takes a deep breath and leans against zander to rest#he tired himself out he needs to lean now
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mutuals, a proposition. what if i went off the grid and blinked out of existence and cartwheeled into a pool of lava also. i am thinking this may be my best option given the stakes and the circumstances
#i don’t want to say it bc a lot of good things have happened this year but nonetheless i truly think 2022 has been one of the worst years#of my life. at least in terms of my mental health. like the unease and guilt and shame i am feeling currently cannot be understated lol!#delete later#purrs#naur bc how is it that everything was so good in 2019 and then since then my mental health has gone extremely downhill even though im not in#school anymore and lived by myself two times and made the closest friendships of my life and have been in counseling for 4 years. lol#like yeah there’s a pandemic and redacted redacted redacted smaller more personal horror. but i shouldn’t get like this. i shouldn’t turn#into a monster and hurt people i love or hide from them so i won’t. that’s not okay and i don’t know how it happened but i want it to stop.#this cannot continue but i don’t know how to make it so. all i know is my heart hurts so bad and my head is spinning except not necessarily#in the dizzy way just in the god i am a fucking mean and cruel and horrible person way. awesome. love that#like when it gets to the point that not even video games or sleep or talking about it will make the ceaseless agony cease… that means it’s r#really ceaseless. and that is not good at all! i think i need a psychiatrist. or a lobotomy. or the aforementioned lava pool cartwheel even.
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do drugs kids tumblr said so
also do it for your weed smoking girlfriends
cmon tumblr said so guys please
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