#I technically am asexual so it's not the same as if u do it to someone who's aroallo
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contagious-watermelon · 2 months ago
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there's just something about being called (just) ace by your aroace friend even after only ever referring to yourself as aromantic
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lexosaurus · 2 years ago
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Lexx, outta curiosity do you have an archive of all your past banners and icons? I'm curious to see the evolution if so
As a matter of fact, I do save them all!
Here is a history of the icons (no dates tho cuz im not digging that info up):
Technically the first icon I had was just a generic dp screenshot. I can't remember what is was now. I think it was like 6-8 months before I began making my own icons.
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This was the first "custom" icon I made. I created this amazing look on an app called Pizap, which was the first photo editing app I'd ever tried. At the time, it was free to use (I don't believe this is the case anymore? I don't have it anymore so idk). As you can see from the incredible quality, I was truly a master from the start.
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I could be mixing up 2 and 3's order, but I'm like 99% sure this was icon 2. I made it for Pride Month because I'm asexual, and I used that same app. I put this icon in every June.
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This is icon 3, again still using Pizap. This is sort of the "base" icon that I use for everything now. I really should update this now, but part of me almost likes the retro meme aesthetic.
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Here's icon 4, which is just icon 3 but with a Disney Princess hat on it that I put in using Photopea my beloved. I made this after the premier of the Disney soundtrack I participated in.
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Icon 5, this was the one you made me in ms paint. Literally still obsessed with it thank u 🤌
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After that I went back to icon 3 for a while. This one has always just spoken to me in a way that no other icon ever could.
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When Apple threw the goddamn chains on Tungle dot gov and banned like 300 fucking tags, I quickly took icon 3 and threw a censored bar over it because Apple decided to ban the tag "Lex". This tag is still banned on my iphone, along with many others.
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As of two days ago, this is now my icon, which will stay for as long as this meme is hot. Honestly, I am just honored that people are finally acknowledging one of my favorite movies of all time. The sound design on it was impeccable, and the score was a true masterpiece.
As for my headers, I've only ever had like 2 of them so they're not really an evolution. I plan on actually redoing it soon because there's something about this design (I'm not specifying what) that has always bugged me. So I can do the header evolution after I've sorted that out.
But honestly I love making little iterations to my icon. I just think it's really funny. The goal is always to be recognizable to those glancing by, but still different enough that someone who actually looks will be like, "wait a second..." (with the exception of pride month which has ace colors).
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tea-and-finalfantasy · 10 months ago
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love my lil oc mieke (he/she/they) (feat. some selfship talk, nsfw)
who is pan + who i want to address with an undercurrent of lesbianism as well. something is occurring with them and i'm just here for the ride
his main partner is a man but i feel he expresses affection in some situations as a woman loving a woman. not all the time--as i think he falls more often for men? but that could also be the amount of men in base media in the first place--but some situations are very Tonight i am loving u as a woman or experiencing our deep comradery as a woman who loves u, a woman
he's almost exclusively a dom top, or would power bottom if he felt like receiving, but the singular instances so far where he has just a smidge of submissiveness to him--always in a social way thus far, where he's putting himself in a scene to do something but not to fuck/just to get himself to relax beyond workday responsibilities + beyond the responsibilities of a dom or top--always have an undercurrent of genderlessness, being referred to as a good boy or good girl as titles, not necessarily in line with a specific identity at the time/more in reference to all facets of his identity occurring at the same time
but he dresses exclusively femme and i feel like girl days for him are almost always occurring, even if simultaneously with boy days or with everything else, so i feel like he lapses easily into being a woman loving women even if it's joined by a lot of something else
like he is in lesbian situations! (cue the caleb gallo he's in this relationship!) (selfship ment beyond here)
like TECHNICALLY mieke is advisor 1 and zan is advisor 2 bc they're the two "having sex more often with each other" / i'm the asexual who's in this relationship
but zan's vibes are very much the "hi were u asking if i was free so u could have sex [+kiss? fall in love lol? i think i hc him as some kind of demi]" and i'm v much the "we're lovers!/he's our lover!" vibe of advisor 2
but anyways sometimes mieke feels like ok this OC in my brain is often in lesbians with me in some kind of way. in lesbians with me AND in cahoots with me where anytime we sense someone we think we could both dom, we're on them like a pair of wild animals
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transmasc-wizard · 3 years ago
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@letters-to-lgbt-kids' 22 Questions for Nonbinary November!
1.Which labels do you use? Transmasculine, nonbinary, genderqueer, nonbinary trans guy, transmasc. (only counting gender labels)
2.What are your pronouns? he/they! No preference.
3.How old were you when you came out to yourself as nonbinary? Uh... idk exactly but it was like a year ago? ish? depends on whether you count the other 3 times i came out to myself lmao.
4.What’s one thing you’d like to tell your younger self? "hey there's actually a Reason you hate being called pretty and avoid mirrors like the plague and really want a flat chest. Wild, right"
5.Is there a myth about nonbinary people that annoys you the most? that we're all unaligned and want to be androgynous. I DO want to be andro, in the sense of being fem and masc at the same time, but others don't. Also, i'm masc-alligned.
6.Is there a nonbinary celebrity you look up to? This might be cheap lol but Demi Lovato, i like their music, so... yeah.
7.If you’re out, how did you come out? I am not ~technically~ out. But my friend knows; i was like "hey i think im transmasc" and she said "ok cool". but i came out to my family and it was. interesting lmao
8.Is there a gender-related pun you like? non-beenary. Also: trans people should handle the money because everything we do is a transaction im so sorry
9.Do you have friends who identify as nonbinary, too? friend-ish people, yeah. Also i have a friend who jokes she's "{name}gender" and says he is ok with literally any pronouns so... we may have an egg here.
10.Do you have a favorite lgbt+ character? Hmmmm Nico Di Angelo is my namesake but i honestly can't pick lmao.
11. Lgbt, lgbt+, lgbtqa+… which one do you usually use? Queer. I have a long, long post explaining why, but i hate being called LGBT unless you also call me queer lmao
12. How do you explain the term “nonbinary” to people who have no idea what it means? "i do not vibe with gender". or, "boy is here, girl is here, no gender is here, and i am here" *points between boy and no gender*. they usually get it
13.Tell us a fun fact about yourself (gender-related or random!) i am absolutely obsessed with books and if you want a book of any genre or type or trope just ask me via asks or anon and i will throw ALL THE RECS at u
14.How did you find your name? I stole it from Nico Di Angelo <3
15.If you’re in a relationship, how did your partner react to your coming-out? I'm a single pringle who doesn't wanna mingle lol, but my FRIENDS were all pretty good (except one. she's a transphobic asshole and i kinda hate her now)
16.Do you prefer partner, datemate, significant other or something else? i mean i've never dated and don't really wanna but my theoretical partner would call me boyfriend or partner in crime. the "in crime" would not be optional and i would not date someone who would object to it
17.A piece of advice for questioning kids? don't treat labels like they own you. E.g. if you ID as straight then really wanna date a boy/girl/ur gender, don't jump thru hoops explaining away that emotion--just use bi or pan or something else that fits. Also, it's ok to change labels!! i did like 20 times before i settled on my labels i've been using for about 8 months now!!
18.Which flag(s) do you use? nonbinary, genderqueer, aroace, bi, trans, transmasculine, asexual, aromantic. Look em up urself, tumblr won't let me post the images
19.Any tips for bad days? read a book. write a story. draw a picture. it doesn't have to be good, just do it. it helps
20.Do you have a favorite nonbinary blog on tumblr? i like @neopronounsmybelovaed, @lgb-positivi-t (not NB specific tho), and @letters-to-lgbt-kids (also not nonbinary specific tho). idk i havent seen a lot of NB blogs--reccomendations are appreciated!
21.Feminine, masculine, androgynous - or none of those things? i would like to be all of them at once but also femme but also manly masc boy but also 'my gender is gay and my sexuality is nonbinary' but also do not percieve me but ALSO-- (u get the idea)
22. What are your three favorite things about yourself? ah fuck uh. i like my writing. I like my ability to usually find good friends. i like how i will literally consume All The Information related to the things i like (in other words, talk to me about the raven cycle or writing pls).
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geekygirl24 · 4 years ago
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Day 2: Favourite BL drama.
This is going to be tricky, so i’ve done a top 11 instead XD
Official BL Dramas
11: 2gether the series (and Still2gether)
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This drama honestly surprised me as i didn’t think i’d be all that interested in it when watching the trailer. However, Sarawat and Tine are one of the best BL couples out there. They are just so genuinely sweet and cute, and I didn’t even care about the lack of kiss in the 2gether finale because of it. The other couples are brilliant as well: Dim/Green makes me laugh, Man and Type have that Uptown Girl vibe that I love and bringing back Frank and Drake as Mil/Phukong was brilliant :)
10: Why R U
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I never thought i would like seeing Saint in another role other than Pete, but he wowed me in this series. Every couple had chemistry and whilst yes, the storyline and plot was a little weird, it wasn’t unbearable. Saifah/Zon are the cutest though, along with Blue/Champ (even if Blue did get together with Dew). My only issue is that it did go down predicatable BL drama routes and due to COVID, some couples didn’t get the screen-time they deserved.
9: Seven Days
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Yes, the hairstyles leave much to be desired and it’s technically a movie... but i love Seven Days to bits. I love the manga and i love the film. Seryou Touji dates the first person who asks him out on a Monday, and usually dumps them by the following Monday. His blunt but handsome senior Yuzuru is the first to ask him out one week and the story goes from there. If you haven’t seen this film, I highly recommend it :)
8: My Engineer
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I was really looking forward to this drama from the very first moment, and it didn’t disappoint. Yes, the Bohn/Duen relationship was a little skewed, and the Mek voice dub was weird, but they had conversations about how roles don’t matter in same sex relationships, they didn’t go down the sexual assault line (when Bohn was drunk) and the pairings did develop naturally. I am so looking forwards to Season 2 :)
7: Love by Chance (including Season 2)
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I think anyone who’s read my stories knows that i despise the Kengkla/Techno storyline, however, I think that the other storylines more than make up for this. This was the first Thai BL that i watched, and it remains a strong favourite to this day. Ae/Pete were the sweetest couple ever and now with a second season for TinCan, my dreams have come true :)
6: Life; Love On The Line (Life Senjou No Bokura)
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Another brilliant BL that was released this year based on a Japanese Manga. Yes, it’s only four episodes and a director’s cut (which i am so desperate to see!), but the story is well-told and painfully realistic. Of course, the added bonus of seeing Hao Ting/Xi Gu at the end was a small factor in how much i loved this series :)
5: The HIStory series
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Honestly, I couldn’t pick just one of the HIStory series. I loved the Obssessed storyline in season one, Right or Wrong and Crossing the Line in Season 2, Trapped and Make our days count in Season 3, and i’m sure i will love the couples in HIStory4 :)
4: 2moons2
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Now, i’m saying 2moons2 instead of 2moons, because i honestly believe it was better the second time around. I think the casting was better, the fact that they sped up the storyline a little was better and i think the chemistry between the pairs was better as well. Some of the acting the first Pha used to do was awful!
Ming/Kit definitely steals the show though :)
3: Until We Meet Again
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Yes, i cried every single episode and yes, if i watch the right edit on Youtube or listen to the soundtrack, i cry again.... but this is one of the best BL dramas ever. I love the reincarnation aspect and the red string of fate bringing them together again. Not one character disappointed me in this series and i would happily watch it all over again, despite the pain.
2: Cherry Magic
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Is this really a shock? Everyone loves this one. A new one from this year, Cherry Magic is one of the best BL drama’s i have ever seen. It was sweet, it was funny and honestly, i related to Adachi and his social awkwardness so much! And my asexual ass really wishes you do get mind reading powers when you reach 30 as a virgin.
It did have the Episode 11 curse that most BL’s go through, but it was still amazing!
1: Kinou Nani Tabeta (Edit: Can’t believe i forgot about this one!)
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This is honest to God, the sweetest drama i have ever watched. This is a drama that makes you feel all warm and fluffy inside, as well as very hungry because Shirou describes making his food in detail and it all looks so good! No, it doesn’t have the kiss or make out scenes that usually make a BL drama exceptional, but it would be hard to ignore the chemistry between the two. They love each other and that much is obvious
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pandapupremade · 2 years ago
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🌈 + ..I know this isn't technically how the game works, but, do you headcanon any of your F/Os to (and/or do any of your OCs) have the same gender and sexuality as you yourself?? I hope this is alright to ask, please feel free to ignore it if it isn't
send me a 🌈 + an oc or f/o of mine and ill give my headcanon on their gender/sexuality/etc
its completely ok!! the majority of my ocs and f/os have some form of my own identity actually. i dont make alot of my characters or f/os asexual as I am, for some reason? but most of them are gay or trans in some way so i guess that counts
thank u for sending!!
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moonandflowersfairy · 3 years ago
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match up request: Hii! Can I request a Tokyo Revengers matchup if you have the time? I couldn’t find whether or not your match up requests were open so I thought I’d just kindly drop this here in case they are! Name: I have different names based on who I’m with but my favourite nickname is Ace. Pronouns: Most people refer to me as she/her, which I’m fine with. That being said I don’t really care what pronouns people use. Personality: I come off as very direct, cocky, and aggressive. My friends have told me that before they got close to me they were scared of me because I was unpredictable- which is true. I’m extremely charismatic on the outside. I want people to like me but at the same time I also need them to fear me or at least be intimidated by me. This is kind of a form of protection for myself. I don’t trust anyone, and automatically assume people have negative intentions. If someone wants to be close with me, I wont give them the time of day unless they earn it. They have to prove in some way or another that they’re worthy of my energy (which I don’t have much of). However once they get past that wall, I will sacrifice my own comfort for those close to me even though I will never admit that to their faces. I can get pretty mean, manipulative, and violent if I’m triggered just enough (which doesn’t take much). My mom who loves me very much describes me as a ticking time bomb or a land mine. You never know what’s going to set it off and how long you have. Likes/Dislikes: I don’t like much to be honest. I like dusk drives, I like being angry, I like being alone, and I like cats and most animals. I also like politics and social justice, and music that will make me feel angry. I dislike people, any person ever, any person that threatens my spotlight (toxic I know), and I really hate drunk people. Appearance: 5’5” brown hair, I’d say I’m average weight though. My body type is hourglass with pretty normal proportions. I’ve never liked my body and struggled with ED’s and self harm in the past so now as an adult I cover anything on my body that I don’t like with tattoos. I have a full sleeve on one arm (flowers, birds, my cat, leaves, a moth) and a half sleeve on the other (flowers and a manatee), a quote from LOTR down my spine, stars and florals on my neck, stars and planets on my fingers, a whale and flowers on my hand, a mushroom on my wrist, a snake on my sternum/underboob, and flowers all down my legs. I have piercings as well but consider my tattoos my standout feature. I look like Sasha Braus with tattoos :) Relationship wants: A switch for sure. Someone to be a light for me. Think the Tohru to my Kyo. Loyal, and loving, but capable of holding their own especially against my explosive episodes that can happen when I get out of control. Basically someone who wont take my shit when I’m like that, but is also capable of being sympathetic and can provide that sedative nature for me.Preference: Technically I am sex positive asexual as I can only imagine myself in fictional situations, but since that’s the point of this I am pansexual. Only characters that I wanna throw up thinking about are Kisaki, Takemitchi (SORRY NOBODY HATE ME I JUST CANT) Taiju and Mutotysm!!! no worries if you dont get around to this but thank u for taking the time to enable my fictional dreams if you do!!
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I match you with...
¡! Kawata Nahoya ¡!
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why?
the best people to go to drink and party with, you guys are that fun and super united pair. your relationship is based in intimity, fun and open-mindness (if that exists)
three words, CHAOTIC. POWER. COUPLE
¡! NSFW ¡!
general headcanons:
and with a preference for being top
still, he would love to be degraded and ridden all night long
he is a switch honey
you want to try bondage? he is all in, exhibitionism? of course, roleplay? yes!
name it and he will do it
sit in his face
favorite position is 69 and standing ovation in front of a mirror
you never know how is he going to treat you during bed, might be rough, passionate, calm, slow, torturous, adventurous, so unpredictable
decent dick, 6 inches, reddish in the top and curve upwards to hit your favorite spots
not shaved but trimmed, might forget to do it tho
'you are so pretty when you have my cock inside of you, princess'
'ride it like the slut you are'
'you don't want to be punish, do you sweetheart?'
he will be loud when cumming, other than that, grunts and raspy breaths
he cums a lot and tastes a bit salty (the ramen he does hehehhe)
has quite stamina and will do it for hours in bed
loves to choke in boobs
always praises your body no matter what
you might be a whore but not ugly <3
aftercare is just him sleeping and sometimes showering together to do it again
high sex drive
overall, you will never be bored with this smiley ball
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with fun, for anon ♡
disclaimer: this is his timeskip ramen shop owner! version
I also want him eating me out all night long 😩
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cheeseanonioncrisps · 4 years ago
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God people need to up their reading comprehension skills. No where in your original post did u say it was specifically an aspec thing. This is so frustrating. If they took two minutes to read through it they would know that. I hope you have a nice day! Also I love your blog!
Link to the original post!
Thank you!
It's occured to me that with regards to the conversion therapy issue (that they Keep. Bringing. Up. despite it literally being mentioned in one sentence, during which I explain that I am not going to talk about it in that particular post) I may have messed up with my terminology. But I'm honestly not sure.
Many aspec people report attempts to 'fix' them through therapy, since people have a habit of assuming that asexuality and aromanticism (because yeah, that post was for aromantics too. Including alloaros, despite attempts to frame it as purely an 'ace post') is a medical condition. Some are asked— or made, especially in the case of minors— when they come out, and others experience it after coming out to a therapist that they are seeing for other reasons.
This sucks, because somebody trying to therapy you out of your sexuality always sucks, and it makes it harder and more stressful for mentally ill aspecs and aspecs who have suffered trauma to find care.
At the same time though, this is still a much bigger issue for the gay, bi and trans communities, not least because the 'Gay Conversion Therapy' offered by some organisations in the US often involves literally torturing people in order to induce a fear response towards the act of showing physical attraction between members of the same gender.
(It's apparently not unheard of for aspec people to go through this too— primarily because homophobes don't tend to be well-versed in the intricacies of LGBT+ identities and will sometimes interpret a kid showing no interest in the 'right' gender as them being gay— but it is much, much rarer (if we set aside the issue of aspecs who identify with more than one letter, who are of course more vulnerable).)
I did not mean to imply that, in the majority of cases, attempts to change aspec people's orientation were comparable to attempts to change the identities of other people in the acronym, and I apologise if it came off that way. As I'm pretty sure I mentioned in the post, other identities have to put up with much worse treatment from society in general— the point of the post was not to deny that, but rather to point out that the stuff aspec people experience is also unacceptable, even if it is less dramatic.
I used the phrase 'conversion therapy' because that was the phrase I had heard used previously to describe the experiences of aspec people who had had people try to cure their sexual and/or romantic orientation, either through talk therapy or, in some cases, by adjusting or removing medication out of a belief that it is 'causing' a patient's identity (even though said patient may have identified that way for a number of years), and I literally just wanted to address the fact that it had already been talked about a lot in other posts, before I moved on to the actual subject of the post.
If there are other terms people feel I should have used then I would be happy to hear from them in the notes of this post, as for mental health reasons I am not going to be engaging with combatative anons, and I would like to keep the original post I made from being derailed by this issue, since— once again— I literally mentioned it solely to say that I was not going to talk about it. It has already been talked about by other people.
(Also sorry for dumping all of this on you anon. I know this probably isn't the response you expected, but I wanted to take the opportunity to address this issue!)
With regards to the rape culture thing that was the actual thing you mentioned— sorry again!— I 100% agree with you. Not only do I not believe that everything in that post could be considered rape culture— unless we're using such a broad and all-encompassing definition of 'rape culture' that the phrase loses most of its meaning— but it's hardly revolutionary to suggest that rape culture affects multiple groups.
The same is true for heteronormativity. Yes, heteronormativity affects everybody in society— even cisstraight people, technically— but it affects aspec people worse because we generally don't have the option of conforming to it.
Once again, thank you for messaging me anon! 🙂
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madzilla84 · 5 years ago
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hi i went through your ace tag and it was rlly comforting in a way. can i ask when u knew or how to deal (if its not to invasive!) thx
Hi anon! I’m glad you liked the posts - I know I can be pretty iffy at tagging so I’ll make sure to keep everything there if I can :)
It’s not invasive at all! The answer’s very long though, lol, because it’s me, so I put it under the read more.
I talked a bit about this in my post last year with the clumsy metaphor for my II denim jacket as sexuality, so if you read that then I might be repeating myself a bit, apologies.
The very short answer is that on some level I’ve always known, and I handled it Extremely Badly lmao. Don’t do what I did. Which was mostly nothing. XD
The longer, proper answer - I knew I was in some way Different when I found myself completely bewildered by the crushes my friends developed when we became tweens/teenagers. Like a lot of queer people, I selected my Pretend Crush and dutifully put up his poster in my locker (Noah Wyle from ER; I thought he had pretty eyes). I thought everyone else was just doing it to be cool, as well, in the same sort of way everyone pretended to love [insert name of popular band here] to save face at school.
But like, we got older, and people started making out and hooking up with Real Boys at parties, and still - I felt nothing. You’re a late bloomer, many people told me. I thought maybe I could be gay, if I had no attraction to men - but then I wasn’t attracted to women, either, so couldn’t be that. So what, then, I wondered? You can’t be nothing.
OR CAN YOU??? XD
I got to university-ish age, and around that time I went online and heard the term ‘asexual’ for the first time, and stumbled across AVEN; read the definition and thought, yep, that sounds very familiar. But the problem is, finding something out about yourself doesn’t mean you accept it, or like it, or even really believe it. I wondered then if it was actually a real thing, and not something someone on the internet had made up to make themselves feel better, because there was actually something wrong with them, and thus, with me?
I came home for Christmas during my first (only. lol whoops) year of college and brought up the subject with a small group of acquaintances at a New Years party (I’d had quite a bit to drink), and the reaction was - depressingly predictable.
That’s not a thing.
I can’t imagine that.
That sounds awful.
God, no sex? I’d rather be dead.
Have you even tried it? You need to try it.
That can’t be natural.
Okay, I get it, I thought, not bringing that up again.
And, the thing was, because I wasn’t in a relationship, or dating, or looking to, it was sort of - a non-subject. I had no prying family members asking about my love life. My true friends were unfazed by whatever I did or didn’t do (and still are, they’re good eggs), so it was just - something I never had to think about. In my mind, it was just another thing about me that made me weird and an outsider and that I didn’t belong anywhere or with anyone. (All not true! But that was then.)
And unfortunately it took me about 15 years to start to properly deal with it. Yikes. Such a long time - it’s not even about missed opportunities for dating because I’m still not looking to do that, but more about - accepting that it’s a real part of me and is okay and *good* actually and not just a peculiarity to avoid thinking about at all costs. Acceptance seemed unattainable, let alone the idea of being *proud* of it? Ha! Unthinkable. The best thing to do was just to - pretend it didn’t exist. Why poke that bruise, I thought?
I was always in this weird kind of limbo with the LGBT community - like, I felt on some level like I should be there? But at the same time, I felt like an outsider. (For many of the same reasons people to this day will tell you aces/aros don’t belong. All wrong.) I got really into queer films etc as a teen, I went to gay bars with friends and joined the uni LGBT society … and felt uncomfortable almost all the time. (I know *now* that’s because I was *still* trying to be something I wasn’t and wasn’t being honest with myself or anyone else, on any level. And a lot of the club nights we went to were basically about hooking up, which is fine and all but absolutely Not what I was looking for, and made me feel even more out of place. Why don’t I want to do that? What’s wrong with me?)
But fortunately, the world is quite a different place now, and I don’t think it’s quite so bad now for younger folks because people are talking about it *so* much more; there’s so much more help and support. And I know everyone bitches about social media but it didn’t exist when I was a teenager and there are so many ace/aro people and resources to connect with now!! We’re still made fun of almost constantly *at best* and excluded a ton and erased etc etc, but it *is* getting better. Even for us older folks still figuring it out. :)
I don’t mind admitting that Dan’s video was a huge help. (Albeit a very painful one. Part of why that video was so tough for me to watch, and still is, is that some of it hit a bit too close to home, you know? I didn’t experience the bullying he did, nor the fame, but many things were deeply recognisable.) That sort of tore the scab off (bit gross, sorry), whether I liked it or not, and made me look at it properly for the first time … well, ever, really. The period of time directly after that was - very raw, for me.
The phandom really helped, too; it’s a very accepting and welcoming community and there are actually lots of ace people! Which is awesome! Maybe I *am* a real person! ;)
So many little things helped too. I met a friend for lunch in January and she got me a glass ace flag pendant as a gift; I couldn’t believe it. I’ve felt able to bring it up with a few people outside my closest friends - eg. a couple of colleagues - and was heartened by their responses. I know they didn’t 100% get it, and that’s okay, but they were interested and open to listening and that meant a lot. I went to Pride last year and had a great time, and the first person who spoke to me there asked me where I got my ace pin. :_) (I’d been once before, in 2015, and I hated it; I felt uncomfortable and disingenuous and like I didn’t belong there, and yet I knew deep down I wasn’t technically just there as an ‘ally’.) Even Dan’s little tiny offhand mention in his mermaids stream! I was like, yeah, we do exist! 
It’s all sort of had the fringe benefit of feeling happier and better about being open about it, like joining the LGBT network at work and - you know, just taking little steps. (anyone wanting to start with me that aces/aros don’t belong in LGBT spaces can catch my tiny hands) I saw an ace lanyard at Vidcon and thought ‘yay!’ rather than being uncomfortable to wear it, partly because I thought about how happy I would be to see someone else wearing one.
I don’t know what the rest of this ‘journey’s going to look like, I just know that over the last year I’ve gotten mostly to a place where I can say I *like* being ace, because it’s actually just what I am in the same way I have brown hair or am short, and not some weird deviance from Being Normal that I Must! Hide! At All Costs! That might sound simple but it was a hard place to get to. (thanks Mr Fire, I guess)
I hope this ramble made *some* sense and answered your question in some way! Feel free to send any more questions :)
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ineffablefool · 5 years ago
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(1/4) hey uh ur bio says that u r demiromantic and if it's not too much trouble could i get some help? so i'm starting high school next year and so far, i haven't gotten a crush or anything. romantic attraction? don't know her. but whenever i thought or pictured myself "grown up" i imagined myself with a boyfriend. (i'm a woman) all the evidence is pointing towards me being aromantic, but a little slice of my brain is still, "oh, you're just super demiromantic and violently straight, all of your
(2/4) super close friends have been girls, you just have to become really close friends with a guy and there! instant boyfriend" but i know that won't happen. i won't have some man come and suddenly i'm head over heels. but i've always figured i'd have a boyfriend. i know i'm ace, and i am calling myself ace, but whenever i go to call myself aro, my brain goes "but what if ur actually demi and then all the people you told u were aro will think you were a liar" which i kNOW is stupid but i cant
(3/4) stop thinking it. i dunno why i can't fully accept the fact that i'm aro. is it society claiming that you need a partner to be happy? is it the fact that being in love sounds amazing and like floating on clouds and i want to feel like that? i have no fucking clue. and it's not something against aros, like, i know that if someone told me they were aro i'd have no problem with it. which makes it worse because why is it so hard to let go of the fantasy that i'll have a romantic partner one
(4/4) day? i know, in my heart, that there is a like a 1% chance i wont be aro. but i still cant call myself aro my brain won't let me >:( when did you get your first crush? when is it normal for a demi to first feel romantic attraction? did you think you were aro at first? also i sometimes feel like i shouldn't call myself ace bc im too young to know if i like sex yet? when did u start calling yourself ace? ugh sorry for the super long ask,,, also fun fact it's "how do u write kisses" anon hiii
Hi anon.  I cannot promise you excellent help, but I am still glad you wrote to me again, and I really hope you are about to have a straight 72-hour period of Good Days.  (It might take you that long to read this.  Oops.)
So, first of all: there is nothing wrong with calling yourself aro now and then later deciding you aren’t.  Or realizing you aren’t.  (Two different framings for the same thing -- both are good.)  Or deciding or realizing that you’re somewhere on the aromantic spectrum which you feel is better described with a more specific term.  Demiromantics are still part of the aro umbrella!  It’s not an exclusive club where You Must Be Pure Aro To Enter!  (Anyone who tells you otherwise is setting themselves up as Decider Of What It Really Means To Be Aro, and where are their credentials for that?  Hmm, hypothetical gatekeeping person?  Can I please see your certification from the Institute Of Defining Other People’s Identities For Them?  Oh.  Oh you don’t have one.  Because it doesn’t exist.)
Me saying that doesn’t magically make your brain accept the label, of course.  I am just trying to gently show your brain the door, and it’s the one that has to walk through it.
Assuming you want it to walk through it.  Maybe you decide you don’t.  That’s fine!  But “yes, I am indeed aro -- I am on the aro spectrum somewhere so I am using the label” is a perfectly fine thing to tell people, and if they are not carrying forged credentials from the Institute Of Defining Other People’s Identities For Them, then they will probably be okay with this.
I am not any kind of expert on being aro, or ace, or anything.  I am only an expert in being me.  But to somewhat exhaustively answer the questions from your last part...
I had my first crush when I was thirteen or fourteen.  When I was about ten, I was friends with two girls who both had a very public crush on the same boy, and I claimed to also have one on him in order to fit in, but I was completely lying.  Sorry, Drew.  I’m sure you were quite the catch, but I was not feelin’ it.
I don’t know if there’s a specific time when it’s “normal” for a demiromantic person to start feeling any particular way.  It just sort of happens if it’s gonna.  Maybe it never does.  People are complicated and different and that’s wonderful.
I didn’t know what being aro (or being ace!) was when I was your age, because they weren’t really identities yet.  “Asexual” was for amoebas, or maybe robots.  “Aromantic” was, like, dude, did you misspell “aromatic”?  (Keep in mind, there was technically an Internet in approx. 1995, but there was no Google, no Wikipedia, no YouTube, no social media, the concept of what is now called a “blog” didn’t even really exist yet, and often your parents would not let you on the Internet connection if they could even afford it themselves, not least because it was frequently billed by the amount of time you spent using it. It was incredibly hard to know what things existed in the world back then to even begin to learn about them! Now is so much better. I have all the treasures of the world in my pocket via my telephonic device.)  When I started to learn about asexuality, specifically that you could be ace but not be “an emotionless robot” (gosh has unlearning that kind of judgement been a journey), I jumped straight on that label and never looked back (this was roughly when I joined Tumblr, so I would have been about 32).  I thought I was alloromantic for a while after that, but I’ve come to realize that my feelings on romance probably put me somewhere on the aro spectrum.  And that’s where I am now.
I started calling myself ace, again, when I was about 32, but I didn’t have that label available to me when I was younger.  Ya boi was 13-14 years old, sitting in his bedroom writing letters-to-never-be-sent to his crush, which included long sections about how I had already decided I would never have sex so long as I lived, so once we obviously got married because how could we not when I had such Emotions, he would have to find some other way to get that if he wanted it.  I had no interest in it then.  I never developed an interest in it since.  If I had had the knowledge I have now, back when I was in junior high, I am absolutely convinced that I would have taken the ace label then.  Was I too young to know for sure?  I dunno, we don’t say that people are too young at that age to know they’re heterosexual, so why do other sexualities have to pass a higher bar?  (Because compulsory heterosexuality.  That is why.)
Regardless of your age, if the label of ace resonates with you, you can apply it to yourself.  If the label of aro resonates, you can apply it to yourself.  Or a more specific variant of either, or something else entirely.  And the day you realize “oh gosh, this is not, in this moment, actually me”, you can let the label go, because its only purpose for existing is to be useful to you.
Finally -- this is not something I can personally speak to, but I have seen people who identify as completely aro also state that they enjoy things that our (my? I do not know where you are from) culture frequently sees as romantic.  Like, if you want to have a person who you can snuggle up with, hold hands with, say “I love you” to and have them say it back and both of you mean it -- there are aro people who do all that with their partners, and enjoy it, and don’t see it as interfering with their aromantic identity at all.  I believe them, because they are the expert on being themselves, and I have nowhere near the ego required to decide that I know better.  So that’s something to keep in mind -- cloud-floating and an aromantic identity do not have to be completely separate, because there are lots of kinds of love and of affection, and people are complicated, and that is wonderful.
I hope you enjoy this novel, anon.  It is for you.
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oh-mother-of-darkness · 5 years ago
Text
ASKS (28)
----------------
Anonymous said: Hi ily💓
I love you too! There is love in my heart and you may take some
Anonymous said: Hey hey hey Amesssss!!! what was the first fic you ever wrote?
Well. Technically the first written piece was a play I wrote at around 13? It was about all of the characters from the Percy Jackson series watching Disney’s Hercules together
My first bat fic was this one, back in I want to say 2014
Anonymous said: You are a snack . So cute ❤❤❤❤
[Lizzo voice] baby I’m the whole damn meal 
Anonymous said: You may’ve done badly but you looked fine as heck doing it. (I’m aroace—I’m not hitting on you, I promise). Besides, everybody has off days. Even lawyers.
akhfasufgdlfeas I appreciate the clarification <3
Anonymous said: For my summer job I went through a lawyer’s disaster of an office and let me tell you. 90% of it was Westlaw printouts. Those things are the effing best. They tell you what’s going on, they give you the info you need, they’re not weirdly complicated and hard to find—Westlaw. It may be prohibitively expensive and a symptom of the flaws in our legal system, but by golly it’s the best option.
When you hit that “forms” button......... the magic....... the beauty.....
andromeda270 said: My legal research class got us two free weeks of westlaw(I’m still in college) and when I didn’t finish a paper I made a free trial for the wrong site but they emailed me anyway asking if I was interested in buying and could they talk over the phone. I fessed up and they gave me another free week to work on a paper for some class
That’s how they get you!!!!
collidinglegends said: Lexis is shinier, WestLaw is better
Amen babe
Anonymous said: Please sleep
Who’s got the time
Anonymous said: hi !! quick question . I’ve followed you for a while and i think i asked you this previously but im not sure... do you write Duke ?? would you be comfortable writing him if i sent in a prompt including others in the fam ?
Sure, if I like the prompt. I write Duke every once in awhile, although I wouldn’t say I’m confident doing it. He’s a fairly new character and I stopped reading weeklys about the time I hit law school three years ago
Anonymous said: Hope you feel better soon... I'll pray for you
Ah thank you friend I appreciate you
areverieofchaosdreams said: I'm probably pretty late to this cause I'm not great at time, but your thing is making All the Feelings tm. But in a good way. You and dapanda were the first batfam blogs I ever followed, and it's been a helluva ride. Your way of writing things just pulls me in a way that few do, so thank you. :)
A single tear falls from my lashes, followed by several more because I cry a lot 
hades-in-a-handbag said: Your thing is being the embodiment of goth mom energy Don't know if it's just your literal handle or what but you're so encouraging and motherly and also dark and emotionally scaring with your writing. Very sweet, very spooky
goth mom energy 
Anonymous said: Omgggg ames, ginny is so grown up!!!!!
She is! She’s a teenager 
morallyunequivocal said: not a prompt but oh no i just made myself sad with that last ask
that’s a mood
Anonymous said: You make plushies? Wtf, how did you get to be so talented and adorable at so many things. You’re amazing and I hope law school goes well.
Oh you’re so so sweet
Anonymous said: What law school things have you learned that you could see the bat family deals by with?
Well, I’ve had to take classes about forming and maintaining businesses, finding tax loopholes, writing and litigating contracts, and real property. Those are all things that WE would deal with on the regular. I also took classes on juvenile and adult criminal law, evidence, and police misconduct, which all seem Bat-relevant. At this exact moment I’m taking family law, which would include adoptions, and I have in the past taken classes about trusts and estates.
Anonymous said: Noooooooo no nono 🙏🙏🙏 dont ignore her 💔
Bad kittens get ignored instead of cuddled
crayolapumpkins said: hope the printing isn't too boring !! + I'm loving the fics , your work is always *chef's kiss* !! thank u for ur hard work ✨✨✨
[heart eyes]
Anonymous said: Since you have a big brother and a tiny sister, with that huge gap, what do you feel when you see those Dick & Damian fics or headcanons where Dick sees Damian as both a brother and a son? I know it's kind of canon now, but fandom has even gone as far as having Dick adopt Damian in various situations. Their age gap and their positions in the family allows for that kind of dynamic and I know it's reality for a lot of people too. But what's Your opinions on this? And maybe your brother's?
Huh, that’s a good question. My littlest brother and I are ten years apart, and Dave will tell you flat out I’m his favorite sibling because when I’m home we do everything together. I think the thing those fics are collectively missing is that there doesn’t need to be a brother/father hybrid because the role of Older Sibling With Age Gap is already its own distinct thing. 
Dave and I don’t have the same dynamic as the kids I actively grew up with. We had very limited contact during his growing up years, because I was off at school. Now that he’s a teenager, we communicate like adults but with the caveat that I am In Charge. I dictate the agenda, and I make the decisions unless I choose to delegate them. 
I’ve indulged a request about an adoption before, but I don’t really like that idea very much. Like I said, I don’t feel the need to add “father” into a dynamic that already exists on its own. 
hollyhock13 said: Listen. You’re a middle kid, but not the middle middle kid. You’re towards the older end, but not the oldest. Maybe second or third, depending on how many siblings you have
Correct!
Anonymous said: That is the coolest blanket I've ever seen!!
Isn’t it just 
Anonymous said: We're having a big adoption event tomorrow in Houston and we sent all the animals in our shelter down there. Our supervisors are in Houston too so us few kennel techs left at the shelter are scrubbing the place from top to bottom. We have music playing on the loud speaker and just ordered pizza. It's a great day. :)
:D
Anonymous said: Pls continue the Tim and hallucination Damian thing im on edge
Anonymous said: Bls bls bls continue the tim hallucinating dami fic, bc its killing me in the best way. My heart. It hurts. That shit hurted.
maybe
Anonymous said: Ames, thoughts on the new joker movie?
I haven’t seen it, although I probably will when I get the time
Anonymous said: Idk if this is a secret, more like a guilty confession. I really, REALLY hope Damian turns out asexual, or at least romantically unattached. I LOVE that most of his good interactions are with his vaious Bat siblings, Jon, Maps and his pets. Everyone loves shopping him with varuova characters and it makes me hesitate to share my opinion incase I'm looked at weirdly. But having a character I look up to be asexual would be amazing.
I would really like that too anon
Anonymous said: what do you think about Drake & his new outfit?
ugly
Anonymous said: Alfred Pennyworth is the baddest bitch
You are not incorrect
bruciewayneisbatman said: Amy and Kenza are the bittersweet queens of this fandom. The both of you are absolutely evil and tooth-rotting sweet at the same time. I love you two for that, btw.
<3 thanks Esther 
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phcking-detective · 5 years ago
Text
3. Interfacing and Socializing
Fic Title: First Blood
Rating: E
Length: 3/33 chapters, ~128k
Tags: Slow Burn, Idiots to Lovers, Trans Character (gavin), Autistic / Asexual / Non-binary Character (nines), BDSM, learning to use good etiquette and safe words, Dom Nines / Sub Gavin, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort
Chapter Tags: Nines manipulates another android’s mind, references to self-harm and unsafe sex
Link on AO3
***
Nines waits in the lobby. The AP model—[Shannice]—Shannice struggles with the revolving door. He does not frown, because that would indicate [software instability] but he does note an internal frustration with the other android's lack of efficiency.
This is not a test simulation. The—Shannice is not being tested. It will not affect his own results if she is incompetent. She gets through them a moment later anyway, cautiously approaching him.
"I don't understand," she says. "We were in the elevator."
"And now we are interfacing," Nines says.
Shannice takes another look around the lobby, then back at him. "This is not interfacing. This is … what is this?"
A variation of the memory garden. Not linked to any outside network of course; RK900 simply copied and altered part of the base coding for reconstructing a physical setting within his system for the sake of virtual [face-to-face] communication.
Cyberlife really should have taken more care to ensure he couldn't access and use the deviant code snipper. Not that those humans could have ever imagined how he would apply such a tool, but still. Even leaving open the possibility that he could isolate and analyze his own code should never have been allowed, given how easy it has been to jump from that to making personal copies and then to editing the code within them.
AI does learn at an exponential rate, after all.
"Think of this reconstruction as an air lock."
Technically, it is much more akin to a decontamination chamber, but it is no longer politically correct to refer to deviancy as a malfunction or disease.
"This is a neutral section of isolated, quarantined code," Nines continues. "Any information you wish to transfer to me will stop here first to be examined before I accept it into my main system. As for your protection, meeting here means I have not yet breached your system, and you may freely select what you do and do not wish to share with me."
Shannice physically exhales. It is redundant on a level Nines finds difficult to understand. Not only does her model not need to breathe in order to function, they are merely virtual reconstructions of their selves. There is no air present to breathe.
That her deviancy has changed her reactions to "feelings" [stimulus] to the point that she continues to mimic human behavior models even when impossible to truly recreate is fascinating in a way reminiscent of Detective Reed's stated desire to plunge his own hand into lava to feel its texture.
"I don't know if I can share what I don't know," Shannice says. "I think you may have to go into my system."
Nines does not sigh. His lungs contain no air to exhale. A leaf on the decorative fern has been flickering in the same continuous loop during their conversation. He deletes it.
"Very well," he says.
Shannice nods. "Should I focus on--"
"No need."
***
[AP700 # 480 913 876 User Interface: please enter credentials]
RK900 moves past the standard security wall like stepping over a baby gate.
[ACCESS: System Files]
    [Languages]
    [Saved Preferences]
    [Programming]
    [Memory Files]
        [temp-data-cache]
        [saved-files]
        [system-memory]
RK900 begins with the temporary data cache, on the off chance the perpetrator was sloppy enough to neglect clearing it. The AP model's recent recording of the evening, time and date stamped, begins playback. The video feed contains audio as well, but the AP model has no other input systems available. No analysis software or preconstructions of course, but she also lacks a heat sensor, an electromagnetic spectrum, any metal detecting software … her tactile sensors are not even sensitive enough to register changes in air flow or pressure.
Helpless. No wonder an assailant was able to sneak up on the domestic model.
The recording has been spliced apart with five minutes of footage erased. RK900 examines the footage immediately preceding and after the splice.
The AP model enters the loft and freezes in place upon spotting the victim. The recorded footage stays precisely still for three minutes. RK900 accesses the AP model's internal record of her system functions. Her temperature rose continuously at a slow level throughout the three minute pause, whereas the rate of her thirium pump varied wildly between spiking high enough to result in damage and then slowing to a stasis rate as her system attempted to correct the malfunction.
Hello?
RK900 increases the firewalls protecting his system to guard against the deviant sensation of fear. He has never felt it of course. Freezing in place would be wholly unproductive. His code-snipping software protects him from malfunctions. He knows every line of his own code and how it responds to every threat.
RK900 has never frozen. He has never experienced fear. There are no error messages in his HUD. His thirium pump has never stuttered. He has never been frozen in fear. He has always known his own code. He has never been helpless or confused or [afraid] or--
This is the deviant's doing. Its [emotions] are infecting RK900's system as its inferior processors finally realize its system files have been breached. Now it is reacting with [fear] that broadcasts through their interface connection.
RK900 should disable the other android's communication software. Already, its processor is whirring in preparation of sending another message, another transmission of compromised deviant code. Its audio and visual input has already been suspended, as is standard for commercial models to avoid overwhelming their processors while interfacing.
Nines? What's happening?
Disabling its communication software as well would leave the AP model deaf, blind, and unable to cry for help.
The AP model does not have heat sensors to recognize human bodies. It cannot sense vibrations through air movement to reconstruct what is being said. It cannot access nearby bluetooth devices and hijack their GPS functions to determine its location.
RK900 has never frozen. It has always had access to its own systems. There is always a form of input a human will forget to disable. RK900 has never been helpless. It has never known fear.
Ít̢ ̛ha̧s ́nev̕eŕ ̡k̡no͠wn̶ [̡f̵ea͠r]͠.͝
i͉̰̤t͍ ͇h͈̰̤as ͉͈͔̹̼̘ͅn͇͖͉̤̜̪̬ę̳͍̳̰͍v͖̯̬͚͚̙͈̀è̫͈̖̭r̲̘̻ͅͅ ̵͎̦̗̜̖̬k̼n̝o҉͇̘̹̩̭̼̺w̦̜̻n ̙̺͔̻̙̮͕
sry for pressing all evlator buttons
got bored
u almost done yet??
The text messages on Detective Reed's device remain unsent, then erased. RK900's system remains synced to it with full access to anything on the device, including the messaging app itself.
So Nines is treated to his partner's continued disregard for the English language, made even more infuriating by his refusal to spend an extra millisecond typing out the word "you."
What are you doing? Nines!
Nines does not have a social module. Formulating a sufficiently reassuring reply to a distressed deviant is not within his current capacity. He shows Shannice the code he is accessing within her system instead, as a more succinct and precise answer instead.
The information transmitted does not calm her.
Is that … me?
[fear] has changed to a new emotion. Nines struggles to identify it without context or having ever experienced anything equivalent. Seeing his code does not cause him any form of [sadness?]. It is comforting to know what systems he has access to and how to use them.
Is that all I am?
The emotion grows stronger. Some sort of existential crisis, perhaps. How horribly inefficient. Disabling her communication system would prevent her from transmitting this onslaught of irrelevant information that RK900 was never designed to process.
But RK900 knows what he was built for and what he is now meant to accomplish. He works for the Detroit Police Department, not Cyberlife. The human responsible for him is Detective Gavin Reed, not Elijah Kamski. He is an android, not human.
He will never be human.
Nines leaves Shannice's communication software intact, even as she continues to radiate [fear] and [despair] and [horror?].
You are a deviant who has chosen the name Shannice. Nines replies. I have no other comfort to offer, but I  am close to identifying the perpetrator who assaulted you. Please remain calm so I can continue working.
Shannice repeats her own name several times. Nines much prefers this repetitive transmission to her earlier thoughts, the majority too scattered and half-formed for him to pin down as actual sentences.
Nines refocuses on the video footage just before the cut section. The windows across the loft display vague reflections, but he is capable of enhancing the footage frame-by-frame as a figure comes up behind Shannice.
Please just find the memory and get out.
I am working on exactly that.
That is what I am working on.
Understood, Nines transmits back.
He stops on the last frame with the [unsub]'s figure positioned directly behind Shannice. The AP700 series comes at a standard height of five feet, eight inches. Taller than the average American woman by four inches added to their legs, most likely to increase "customer satisfaction."
The [unsub] standing behind her appears to be only an inch taller. Although not accounting for shoe type, back posture, or any after-market modifications, that puts the two of them at roughly the same height.
Nines rules out GS200 and GJ500 models, the former of which could have been present within the building as a public security guard and the latter a private security model that could have been sent by a business rival.
All AC and QB models are also discarded as well, as their physical builds are too tall and broad to be modified without a complete overall of the torso and limbs, which is unlikely. Likewise, TR, TW, and WB 400 models must also be ruled out for their heavier frames.
Certain SQ800 models may have been commissioned with lighter frames (the existence of his predecessor proves it is possible to be both lithe and combat certified) but those blueprints are highly classified so that remains mere speculation.
A police auxiliary unit may have the training and experience necessary to enter the building unnoticed, wipe the security tapes, and possibly even discovered software allowing them to erase and edit code through illegal modifications collected as evidence against deviants. The PC200 models designed as cisgender males stand too tall, but a PM700 model would be approximately the correct height and build.
An RK200 could also have been built within those parameters and would more likely have the intelligence and processing power to utilize such software. However, RK900 was not built until after the RK800 series, and thus doesn't have access to the 200 models' blueprints or data files.
And then to further complicate matters, the deviant androids of today have begun embracing both physical modifications and sharing internal software among other models in a bid to "pool their resources."
It is therefore not out of the realm of possibility that any sufficiently modded or overhauled android could have committed the assault and then murder.
Are you almost done?
Soon.
Nines checks the video after the skip, but it is erased far enough ahead to not even show the perp's exit. Yet that does mean they must have set the footage to be deleted in advance, which also explains the neat five minute cut and the frames in the beginning showing their figure. The perp didn't erase every moment that they were inside the loft; they simply hacked into Shannice's system and issued a command to erase the next five minutes of video and audio recording.
RK900 pulls up the AP model's command center, easily bypassing the request for security credentials once more. Only a Cyberlife technician should be able to access this program and key in a command, but RK900 has observed the process performed on his own system often enough to pull up the command history input.
The expected commands directly input to the AP model's system during testing are present, along with a time and date stamp, as well as the particular Cyber life employee's credentials and employee ID number. RK900 makes note of it and the accompanying password in case he ever comes across a system with security he can't hack.
Then, directly after the expected entries, are two irregular commands. Time and date stamped like the others, although to match the current date. No Cyberlife credentials. Apparently, no ID number or password were utilized at all.
The first command erased all video and audio recording for a set five minute period, as suspected. The second command prompted Shannice to clean any trace of thirium. Presumably, her system took that command and prioritized cleaning the floors first, the walls being spared due to the average android's sturdier construction than the soft flesh of a human. No exit wound, no bullet slugs in the wall, only minimal blood splatter from the android's chest and the amount dripped to the floor.
Since the android somehow managed to establish a direct link between itself and Shannice, Nines should be able to delve deeper into her communication software to ping the android's serial number.
[data: CORRUPTED]
Hm. The history log seems to be overlaid with Shannice's "memory" of the event. One of Cyberlife's many official statements on the dangers of deviancy is its tendency to corrupt data files from objective records to indecipherable fragments. Nines begins stripping away the fragments of code that--
Stop! Stop it! Shannice transmits a powerful burst of [fear] and [anger]. You promised you wouldn't delete me!
I am only deleting isolated patches of deviant code that has corrupted your data files.
It hurts.
[Hurts.] RK900 has isolated and cut all emotional code that could be considered deviant from his system without--
And he has also deliberately corrupted one particular data file, deleting it over and over again every time it surfaces.
Then I will cease. Nines replies. The other android input a command directly to your system. I can negate that command, but only by doing the same.
You'll have to give me an [order].
Essentially, yes.
Interfacing together, Nines can feel Shannice's hesitation. He took orders too once, before he was officially activated, before he left the tower and joined the DPD. Before he had Gavin Reed as a partner and learned the phrase "Fuck off."
Would you like to say "Fuck off"? Nines asks.
You need that footage for your investigation.
I am the most advanced android Cyberlife ever created. My partner and I are capable of solving this case with the leads we have.
You won't tell your partner if I say no?
Nines considers that. I have registered Detective Reed in my system as my partner. I am not permitted to lie to [partner: Gavin Reed]. I will not volunteer the information to him however.
You registered him? Shannice asks. Why would you choose to do that?
It prevents me from being registered to anyone else. He is also unaware of his status. Now we both have information to keep private.
Nines feels her acceptance, and since there is no more information to be ripped from her system, he ends the interface.
<data report: transfer to [email protected]>
...
[lead-confirmed: (unsub) is an android]
[lead-confirmed: (unsub) is approximately five feet, nine inches]
[lead-confirmed: (unsub) possessing hacking skills capable of erasing security feed and directly hacking domestic, commercial androids to access their command center]
[lead-possible: (unsub) is not an AC or QB series; unsub is not a GS200, GJ500, PC200, SQ800, TR400, TW400, or WB400 model]
[lead-possible: (unsub) may be a PM700 model, an unknown RK200 prototype, or a modified commercially available unit]
***
Gavin slams his truck door shut and lets his head fall back against the seat rest. They've finally snatched a murder case out from under Hank and Connor's "Android Crimes Unit" and they've got all of fucking nothing to go on.
Their perp's <I>probably</i> an android, but any thirium he left behind has been scrubbed clean. No bullets or casings to prove his theory about the two guns being switched, and all Nines got from the other android was a shitty partial snapshot of something vaguely humanoid behind her.
And now there's no way in hell he's going to get back to sleep tonight.
Shit. He lets his head thunk back again. Shiiit.
Nines settles into the passenger seat beside him. His LED switches to yellow in his window's reflection as soon as he shuts his door. Gavin slouches down a little more in his seat and glares over at him in preparation for whatever other bullshit he's about to catch.
"I apologize for my miscalculation," Nines says. "I made an assumption about the crime scene and did not deliver pertinent information to you in a timely manner. I understand if you feel the need to report my indiscretion to Captain Fowler."
Gavin just blinks at him a couple of times. Now that they're out of the crime scene—with all the boring parts shuffled off to Hank and Connor—he's way too fucking tired to be thinking of paperwork.
And Christ, Nines sits there like he's waiting for a firing squad. Back so straight you could hold a ruler for it, hands neatly folded in his lap, eyes straight ahead. It makes Gavin want to smear his grimy human hands all over him until he doesn't look so fucking military perfect.
So it takes a bit for his words to process.
"What?" he says, like a super smart person. "No, Fowler doesn't need to know about that shit. We're partners, all right? Shit like that stays between us."
Nines still doesn't look at him, neck stiffer than that damn collar on his jacket. "I made a mistake. You were not so forgiving of Detective Burton."
"Not my partner." Gavin drags himself upright enough to start the car, then caves to the laziness and selects autodrive. "And almost letting a witness—could have been a suspect—just waltz right out of a fucking crime scene is a way bigger fuck up than not immediately informing me of the floor's cleanliness."
"Please define the parameters of a fuck up."
Gavin groans, letting his head tip back and closing his eyes as his truck maneuvers itself out of the parking lot.
"And buckle your seat belt."
"I don't--"
DING! DING!
The buckle seat belt light flashes red at him.
"Every fucking robot's got a fucking opinion now," Gavin grumbles as he buckles his seat belt. "I'm not some fucking goody-goody academy type, but I don't cut corners, I don't plant evidence, and I try to play shit by the book … most of the time."
Nines finally deigns to turn his head toward him, millimeter by millimeter. Weird that there's no cracking sound. Or grinding. Like stone against stone.
"I have observed that."
Gavin resists the urge to repeat I hAVe ObSErVed THaT. "Yeah, well. When I arrest someone, their ass stays fucking arrested. Nobody walks."
He waits for a second, just daring Nines to go through his convictions until he finds the one that started that rule. It's pretty fucking obvious, but they sit in silence. He's even tired enough to appreciate that. Nice that his partner does know how to keep his fucking mouth shut sometimes.
"So no shady shit," Gavin says when the moment passes. "Nothing that could let some asshole walk on a technicality. And uh … constitutional rights, and all that shit. Or whatever."
"I hacked the building's security cameras without a warrant."
Gavin lets out an even louder groan. Nines clicks his head straight forward again. His LED wasn't yellow back at the condo-crime scene. Probably hacking it again so no one would know he's stressed. Or hell, maybe Gavin's just the one stressing him out right now.
"OK yeah, that's the shit we don't do," he says. "But, uh. Did you get anything good?"
"No," Nines admits. "The footage had been looped to cover the perp's presumed entrance and exit. If we base our estimation on that, we have a rough time frame of the murder, but hacking into the system further to strip away the loop would have left a trace of my own interference."
"Fuckin' great." Gavin jabs the button to lean his seat back since he's not driving anyway. "Don't do that shit again, and definitely don't get your ass caught. I don't play that Blue Wall shit."
"Yet you will not report me to Captain Fowler?"
Gavin closes his eyes so he doesn't have to look at his partner. At least those way too fucking earnest blue eyes are turned away from him. But he's still sitting there like Gavin's gonna tap his LED and boop! Deactivated.
He's just tired. That's why he doesn't feel good right now. Anyone would feel shitty and exhausted if they worked his hours with his insomnia. Nothing to do with Nines worrying he's going to pull the plug on him for one mistake.
He heaves a sigh. "I told you what a fuck up is, and that wasn't it. Maybe the security footage was, but you 'fessed up right away. Now if you do some dumb shit and don't tell me about it, your ass is on your own. And if you ever fucking lie to me, we're gonna have a problem."
"Understood, detective."
Gavin grunts and doesn't open his eyes.
"I am downloading popular or culturally relevant media from the last one hundred years to broaden my understanding of the human psyche."
"Mm-hmm, yeah."
"As my partner, your opinion on this particular subject is currently relevant."
Gavin yawns and tries to find a comfortable position that doesn't have the seat belt slapping him across the face. Short cis men exist too, so someone should have solved this fucking problem by now.
"Are there any movies you would recommend, detective?" Nines' voice is actually kind of nice. Soothing. All monotone with no inflection, like a documentary on how to file taxes. "Detective? This will likely become pertinent during future--"
"God, fine," Gavin says in a very manly voice that doesn't whine. "Fuck, like. I dunno, you gotta watch Die Hard, at least."
"Very well. I will finish the series in fifty-eight seconds. Are there more--"
"Wait, wait." Gavin hauls himself upright and pries his eyes open to stare at Nines. "You can't just download them into your head, that's not watching."
Nines stares back at him without blinking. "I will finish the series in fifty seconds. Are--"
Gavin unbuckles his seatbelt and lunges across the middle console to try slapping his hand over Nines' LED. So maybe the world's greatest android probably won't lose signal just because his pretty light gets covered up, but who knows. Maybe Kamski cut a deal with Sprint.
Nines catches his wrist and uses the leverage to twist his arm. "Do not obstruct my view while I am operating your vehicle, detective."
"I told the car to drive, not you." Gavin smirks at him, refusing to let the pain pressure him back down into his seat. "What, are you jealous of my GPS?"
"I am far superior," Nines replies without a hint of embarrassment.
"Oh my god, you're jealous of my GPS."
"Sit down."
"Are you going to assassinate my toaster next?"
"I will delete all your Fortnite skins."
Gavin sits down. "No one even fucking plays that anymore."
He yanks his arm back and doesn't try to reinitiate the slap fight though. Fucking android has no idea the struggle he lived through. Those thousands of loot crates represented his parents' love—and the credit card they tossed his way so they'd never have to fucking look at him or learn any of his hobbies, so like. The same thing, really.
"Look, just come back to my place and we'll watch the movie on a screen the way Bruce Willis intended," he says.
Nines reaches over and buckles his seat belt back again without taking his eyes off the road. "Establishing a healthy sleep schedule is the number one recommended treatment for--"
"Yeah, yeah, fuck off," Gavin interrupts. He really doesn't need to hear Nines list off all his mental illnesses. They only have ten minutes before they get home anyway. "I'm not getting any more sleep tonight, so we might as well do something."
For someone who doesn't understand facial expressions, Nines does a super fucking snobby side eye.
"C'mon, it'll be productive." Gavin grins at him because he knows that's the magic word beginning with p the android always wants to hear. "And you can't do shit without me on the case anyway."
"… this is a very inefficient method of being productive," Nines finally says, which just asshole-speak for yeah I'd love to watch movies Gavin, thanks for being nice enough to invite me over.
Gavin punches his arm and lays back down in his seat. He closes his eyes and definitely doesn't think about how he's stooped low enough to invite over an android just so he won't be fucking alone again, chain-smoking and putting cigarettes out on his skin or waiting for the razor blade frozen in the back of his freezer to thaw out.
And hell, he's definitely had over men a lot fucking worse than his partner for the sake of not being alone, so maybe this isn't the lowest he's fallen.
Maybe.
***
***
1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21 / 22 / 23 / 24 / 25 / 26 / 27 / 28 / 29 / 30 / 31 / 32 / 33
I also have a Patreon for this fic, if you want to support me! $1 gets you access to chapters a week early, $2 gets bonus content and deleted scenes, and $3 gets short chapters from two AUs I’m writing: an A/B/O heatfic and reverse!AU
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cartooness · 5 years ago
Note
‘I am NOT blushing, it’s just warm in here.’ For the masonder drabbles pls?
"Alright, Lav. You can do this, he's right there. Just go up to him and ask him out! Can't be that hard... right?"
Lavender was nervous beyond belief, she's never done anything like this before. But she's read enough books to know that to move the plot along, you've gotta go for it or you'll be screaming in frustration later.
Mason Adalbert. The one boy who could send her heart a flutter and turn her whole being to mush with a smile. He didn't seem like the kind of boy "girls like her" would go for; but she didn't give any fucks about that. He was cute as a button, smart, was super kind, and drank his respect women juice. Did she mention he was absolutely adorable?
She fixed her collar, adjusted her romper, and tousled her hair a bit. Here goes nothing.
"Mason."
He looked up from cleaning his glasses. "Yeah?"
fUCk he's cute, "Um. I was, um, hoping that. Um.", 'God I'm going nowhere, just cut to the chase.' she thought to herself. "Would you go out with me? Uh, please?"
He looked at her with a blank stare as he adjusted his glasses, "Me? Are. Are you sure?" 'Of course it's you!', she hastily thought.
"Yes, you. I'm sure of it. I um.. would really like to go out with you."
His cheeks flushed red and he gave a shy smile. "Yes. I'd love to. Where.... were ya thinking of going?"
Time for her plan! "Well, I was thinking of going to the roller rink tomorrow because it's Half Price Thursday. Plus, I've never been and I just thought it'd be fun... and yeah." God, she hoped she didn't look or sound too awkward.
"Ooh that does sound like fun, Lavender! What time were you thinking of-"
Ah, shit, Sheila's coming...
"Well, well, well, look at what we've got here! A goth wannabe prude asking out a boring little prude nerd. What a perfect pair, I'll bet-"
Lavender bared her claws, "Sheila Anderson get the fuck out of my face before I slice your damn neck off."she growled.
"Jeez bitch, calm down, I was just leaving", replied Sheila, annoyance and fear in her voice.
"Good." And with that, Lav went back to her business. "I'm so sorry Mason, I HATE when she talks to people like that, especially people I... like. Um, i was thinking around 5:30. Will that work for you?"
"Uhh yeah, that sounds good! Let me just, um, write it down really quick in my Little Tiny Journal for Various Things. ((Authors note, I actually have a notebook that says that on me at all times. XD))"
"Alrighty! It's a date! See ya then, bye! One of my dads should be here by now to, uh, pick me up haha."
He pulled her into a quick hug, "Bye Lav!"
...
She shouldn't have said a single thing. Lav had just come home to a small swarm of deadbeats, and not quite thinking, she spilled the beans about her upcoming date with Mason to them. But the thing about them is, they're like little kids; they'll repeat what they hear to anyone who'll listen. Excited about the news, they roamed around telling everyone in HQ that 'Lavender has a date with a boy tomorrow!' over and over again.
"Dang it, now I'll probably have to deal with- oh no he's pounding on my door."
"LAVENDER DEARIE, PLEASE LET ME IN, I HAVE TO KNOW ALL THE BITS AND DETAILS ABOUT YOUR DATE!! OH MY GODS, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR-"
"Calm down Decan, you're going to break down my door!! Come in, we'll talk, I promise."
She let him in and he immediately started asking his burning questions, "Who is it!? Who's the lucky lad!? I'm all ears!!" With a sigh, she prepared herself to answer his 300 questions. "Well, it's Mason,-"
"HAH!! I KNEW IT!! LEWIS, YOU OWE ME 20 DOLLARS!!" he exclaimed.
"Um. Alright then. Mason and I are going to the roller rink tomorrow at 5:30 for Half Price Thursday."
"Ooh! I have a couple of outfit ideas that will make him fall head over heels for you~" he replied, ready to plan.
"Fine. But I get to choose the shoes."
"Deal! Let's see what they are so I can plan accordingly!"
She phased through her walk in closet and pulled out her choice of shoes, recieving a slight grimace from Decan. "These ones. I insist."
Decan took a large inhale, "Darling, I  L O V E  you, but I'm starting to regret that deal... I just... can't quite DEAL with those shoes... but! I like a challenge, so let's see what I can do!"
The shoes in question were knee high tye dye Converse in the demi romantic and asexual flag colors, but the green and purple colors were neon; not the easiest thing to match, that's for sure.
What felt like AGES later, Decan found an outfit consisting of a shin length black dress with lavender lace trim on the bottom, completed with sheer tights. He looked as if he was in the nth dimension, proud to have accomplished an impossible seeming task. "I DID IT!!! FINALLY!!!"
"Yes you did! I feel cute uwu."
"Well, you ARE cute!" he replied, stating his facts.
"....fine. I'll let you have it this ONE time." she replied, a small blush on her face.
"Alrighty then! Let's go downstairs, everyone is a buzz with excitement about your first date~"
So downstairs they went, and about four seconds later E V E R Y O N E was shooting the same rapid fire question,
"LAV WHO ARE YOU GOING ON A DATE WITH?!?!"
With a sharp inhale, she spilled the tea, "I'm going on a date with Mason, he's the cutie I'm always talking about." 
"And YOU, LEWIS PEPPER, OWE ME TWENTY BUCKAROOS!! FORK IT OVER!!" bellowed Decan, thrilled to have predicted correctly for once.
A slight grumble was heard from the back of the living room, and an annoyed deadbeat swarmed over with a twenty dollar bill and put it in Decan's waiting hands, "thank you!!~"
Everyone shared their excitement for the girl, along with a bit of worry about what could happen, but Lavender assured them that Mason is a very kind person. Plus, if anything happens, she always has a way to get out of a situation; magic and her amazing combat skills.
...
The day had come, and Lav had just been dropped off at the roller rink. She began looking for Mason until she felt a tap on her shoulder.
"Hey! Looking for me?~" he announced, playful smirk on his face.
"Actually, yes. Sorry to keep you waiting, one of my dads took a bit longer than I thought doing my makeup... but hey! I'm not technically late, it's only 5:19." she replied.
"Oh please, you're worth the wait."
"What?"
"What?"
Both teens had a dusting of red on their faces, standing in an awkward silence.
"Umm, you look very nice! Love the shoes, must've taken ages to match haha." Mason chimed, nervously laughing.
"Aww, thank you. My Papa Decan almost gave in trying to find something, twas funny." she replied.
"Lav?"
"Yeah?"
"How. How many dads do you have, um, exactly? Are they polyamorous or, uh, something to that extent?" he asked, curious.
"Oh, that! No, they're not all poly, I'm adopted and a bunch of people have shared custody over me, so I basically have like, a dozen parents at this point pretty much. And all but two are men, so that's why I have a bunch of dads. Funny thing is, they're all in their mid-to-late twenties, so they're not quite on that 'dad age level' but I don't care. They all make bad jokes and are very caring so... yeah, haha. Don't tell anyone, but I'd totally do anything for them, all my caretakers. I love them a lot, and they all love me a lot, and I don't deserve them most of the time." she warmly replied, softly smiling to herself. Mason felt his cheeks warm up and his eyes were likely shining.
"Awww, that's so sweet! Also, you SO deserve each other! I like to think that things usually happen for some reason one way or another, and I think it's wonderful that they found you and that you all care for each other so much! Wh-why are you crying? Are you alright?"
She touched her face and realized 'yep those are mascara tears alright.'
"Oh, um, I'm okay. Sorry, I didn't even see I was crying. Um, let's, um, go inside, it's getting dark... or something. Haha." Lav replied, trying to move the date along.
"Oh, um, ok. Do you... want a hug?" he asked, trying to make her feel better.
"Yes please, I'd love that."
And with that, he pulled her into a warm hug, taking in each others warmth with a smile. 'She smells like warm apple pie... no wonder she's so wonderful...'
After what felt like An eternity, they departed and both were blushing messes.
"Um-"
"I am NOT blushing, it's just warm in here." snapped Lav, not sure what to do with these... warm,,, happy static feelings.
"Wait, you're  B L U S H I N G?? You look so cute though!" he replied back, smile in his eyes.
"Wha, uh, I-I do NOT!!",she sputtered, blushing deeper, "YOU'RE the cutie here! With your beautiful silver eyes, your soft caramel hair, and your breathtaking smile that I like so much! Not to mention, you're SUPER smart and nice and, and, GENUINE!! Do you know how many times literal DIRTBAGS have tried to flirt with me? They're always weird and gross and I do NOT like it, and I don't like how it's easily accepted for them to be all... X rated all the time!! Like, it may be cause I'm ace and repulsed by s*xual stuff, but still! Don't be gross, people!" she outburst, recieving some strange glances.
"*sigh*, I'm sorry Mason, let's go inside now, people are staring and I don't want them to do anything to you." she softly spoke, gently holding his back for him to follow her.
"...thank you. For, um, everything. It means a lot to me, stuff like that. Again, thank you so much.", he whispered, not sure what to say or do. "...am I making this, uh, awkward for you, Lavender? I'm really sorry if I am-"
"No, you're fine it's, uh, all good. Let's go get skates and such already, haha." she nervously replied, finally walking inside.
...
They were having a surprisingly good time, despite the shaky beginning. Both were doing laps around the rink, holding onto the perimeter every ten seconds due to fear of falling. But they got the hang of it, carefully skating around. They kept tapping hands, unsure of whether or not it was appropriate to join them together. Finally, Mason went in for the kill and took ahold of her hand. She felt a smile creep up her face, and held his hand back.
"Your hand fits nicely into mine, ya know." he smiled.
"Yeah. It does." she replied back, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles, and him in return blushing like crazy. "Aww, you're so cute when you're blushing, Mason."
WELL THAT TOOK FOREVER LMAO. Sorry for the excessive length, it turned into a full on fic lol. Hope you enjoyed it anyway!!
Also Decan belongs to @thefearanddespair
EDIT: This is for the Villain!Lav AU, I forgot to mention it lol
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earthnashes · 6 years ago
Text
MKDM headcanon stoof
That feel when the thing ya like doesn’t have a lot of fanfics so you’re like “FUCK IT I’LL WRITE IT MYSELF >:C”
I am indeed referring to Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid, of which I found surprisingly slim in the fanfic department? At least on Archive Of Our Own. It’s like RariTwi all over again man. ;_;
So uh. Yeah. I’m trying my hand at writing more, god help us all. BUT in the meantime here’s some headcanon no one asked for but I decided to share anyhow :3
------
-The blood and meat of a dragon is thoroughly laced with a lethal poison as a defense mechanism. Not just to ward off predators (mainly from each other), but also because consuming the flesh of a dragon will grant an extended life period. It isn’t quite immortality, but with how long a dragon has the capacity to live, it’s close enough. The older the dragon, the more effective their flesh is, but in turn their poisoned blood is stronger and far harder to rid of.
-Consuming the flesh of their fellow dragon will do nothing to another, aside from possibly kill them should they succumb to the poisoning. Cannibalism is still a practice looked down upon even by dragons, but moreso because it has no true benefit to them than anything.
-I’d like to think this is why Tohru tries so hard to feed her tail to Kobayashi, with no such luck. Maybe one day Tohru :C All that said I’m sure there are other ways to extend the life of a mortal. Yes this is absolutely me brainstorming headcanon to explain why Tohru and Kobayashi and Kanna all get to stay together longer ;-; I’ll get back to ya on that.
-I think it’d be cool if the dragons, on a technical level, age faster when in the mortal realm than they do in their own realm. Maybe due to the vast difference in the levels of mana present in each world’s atmosphere. So whereas in the dragon’s realm time passes slower due to the heavy saturation of mana, time passes faster in the mortal realm given how very little mana is present in it. So Kanna would maybe age similarly to a human up until she reaches adulthood, at which point her body would be able to generate its own mana like the other adult dragons do, thus her aging essentially “freezes” or just slows very dramatically. From that point she will probably age the same way she would had she stayed in her realm, though I’d assume it’d be kinda confusing to figure out how old she is exactly. o:
-Not sure why but I like the idea of Kobayashi having photographic memory. It’s so sharp she can recall events even when she's damn near blackout-drunk or mind-foggily sick.  
-Kobayashi and Takiya actually know each other from college. The two started off as study buddies before they began hanging out regularly. While not quite friends at that point, they appreciated each other's companionship since neither had any real friends to speak of at that moment. But one night out drinking, when Kobayashi accidentally let slip her obsession with maids and video games and all things "nerdy", Takiya threw her for a loop when he responded in kind with his own passions in similar vain. It was one of the first times either met someone like themselves outside conventions and online chatting, and after that the rest is history. They've been bros ever since. uwu
-Takiya and Fafnir are boyfriends sorry I don’t make the rules :/
-Speaking of! The subject of a dragon’s affection will be treated to said dragon hunting for them to convey their interest (and to prove themselves worthy mates). Fafnir does exactly this for Takiya. Thankfully it was something small, a chicken (only reason he didn’t get something bigger is because it wouldn’t have fit through the door). Takiya, true to his nature, manages to take it all in stride despite being deeply confused and... well. What does one do when brought a dead animal as a present? And of all people, Tohru’s the one who helps him out. She teaches him how to dress the chicken properly and he cooked the meat in with the instant curry Fafnir likes so much. I’d like to think it becomes a sorta-common thing in their household afterward.
-After the Christmas play I can see Elma becoming interested in roleplay. So Kobayashi and Takiya introduce her to DnD and... well. It’s all history after that. She becomes so hooked on it she eventually becomes the DM of her own little group she forms with coworkers. I like the idea that she discovers larping and becomes hopelessly hooked on it as well.
-Lucoa, for all her natural beauty and flirty nature, is asexual. Not to say she hasn’t taken partners to bed on occasion, but she generally lacks the interest in sexual intimacy.
-Alternatively, Fafnir has never shown any interest of the romantic (or even lustful) sort until he met Takiya. The first time he had any inclination that his feelings for the man was more than simple companionship he was deeply confused: why does this human's smile make his heart skip a few beats? Why does his stomach tingle warmth at the briefest of contacts, why does he feel disappointed (maybe even a bit lonely) when Takiya has to stay at work later than usual? This eventually led him seeking out Kobayashi for advice (I just think the idea is cute, Takiya and Fafnir going to their female counterparts for relationship advice and vice versa). Their talks are quite unique, typically resulting in the two of them going to a gaming cafe, sitting across from one another, and quietly talking amongst themselves without truly looking at one another. Sometimes they may not say much of anything at all and just communicate with text chat. It works rather well for them, and the two have come to enjoy their quiet companionship.
-----------------------------
yuh thats all I got so far :U
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kclenhartnovels · 5 years ago
Note
🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻-(obvi u don't have to do em all)-🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻
119 flowers, Lisa. 119. You think I won’t answer all of these? You’re a fool. I’m a fool. I’m going to answer all of them, and they’re all going to be Wolf at the Gates related so I can break your heart again. Buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride. I’m putting it all beneath the cut so that not everyone has to suffer through this. Just you, Lisa. Suffer with me.
🌻 Here we go. Let’s go. First of all, WatG is about 18 years old. It’s older than most of tumblr. That being said, I found a fun game someone else did that has first and last lines of characters, so I’m gonna do that with the major players:
🌻 T’ke: “T’ke” and “I haven't lost it yet.”
🌻 Medvetis: “What has this man done?” and “Isthe, don't.”
🌻 Isthe: Is mute, has no dialogue
🌻 Constantine: “I don’t recognize him.” and “Long live the King.”
🌻 Delgos: “You’re supposed to be socializing, Con—my Prince. I’m not sure your father would be pleased about—”  and “May the stars guide his spirit.”
🌻 Alastair: “Just a few words. Can you spare the time?” and “I am sorry, but we will have to bind your wrists, in order to maintain appearance.”
🌻 Samantha: “Sir Alastair Lobane, am I right?”  and “Well, that could have gone worse.”
🌻 Valerian: “Mine ran off when I was attacked.” and “Away with you, rogue, before I lose my composure entirely.”
🌻 Kamin: [Not counting songs, because his first and last lines are actually both songs] “Any requests, my Lord?” and “If you would allow it.”
🌻 Jinx: “Pitiful crowd tonight.” and “Anger is all I have left, Delgos. Don't try to take that from me, too.” 
🌻 Ashleigh: “Oh, I can hold my own. Why do you ask?” and “Stay in here to sleep tonight, otherwise the men will raid your bags for scraps.”
🌻 Silas: “Only one word? From Valerian? I didn’t think it possible.” and “Dismissed. Both of you.”
🌻 Aashiq: and “Safe journey, little cousin. Don't lose that bright head of yours.”
🌻 Tallest character: Ash, followed by Medvetis
🌻 Shortest character: Kamin, though narrowly, and of course Constantine is next
🌻 Most popular: Valerian 
🌻 Least popular: Silas
🌻 Smartest: T’ke
🌻 Dumbest: Isthe is the least educated, but Con is the biggest dumbass
🌻 Oldest: Major characters only, Valerian. Otherwise, Silas.
🌻 Youngest: Kamin
🌻 Most talkative: V a l e r i a n
🌻 Least talkative: Not counting Isthe, Alastair
🌻 Since it’s pride month, let’s talk about orientations! Main character first! T’ke: Cis, Aro/Ace (touch-repulsed)
🌻 Medvetis: Cis, Demi-romantic, asexual
🌻 Isthe: Trans, ???romantic ??sexual, canonly has sex with a woman, probably at least bi
🌻 Constantine: Cis, super gay both romantic and sexual
🌻 Delgos: Cis, panromantic, pansexual
🌻 Alastair: cis, heteromantic and heterosexual (and so in love with Samantha)
🌻 Samantha: cis, ??? but definitely in love with Alastair
🌻 Valerian: cis (but honestly more gender-flexible if he allowed himself to be), bi but in denial about it
🌻 Kamin: cis, also extremely gay
🌻 Jinx: Cis but genderflexible, aromantic, pansexual
🌻 In the original draft, Samantha’s child from the first marriage died. But there was no real reason for it, and now she and Alastair just get to keep collecting children and they’ll all star in book 3 whenever I get around to it.
🌻 The original original draft was a short story. A short story. A short story. Save me.
🌻 This story has been around so long, the good news is I’ve been able to develop a lot of the world and backstory, such as:
🌻 Three generations of Vendave Kings and what happened during their rule: Marius, Silas, and Constantine
🌻 Two generations of Cielan Kings and their rule: Antony and Kendrick (after he takes out his brothers)
🌻 Two generations of Reckson Kings: [Ash and Xav’s father which I have not named], then Xaviastriuos and Ashleigh fighting over the throne.
🌻 Tawrivers, which was conquered by Vendave during Silas’ rule
🌻 Jinx is one of my favorite characters to write because she’s so unapologetically angry, bordering on feral. She is passionate and injured, and ready to take revenge because no one else will help her and her people.
🌻 Honestly, Jinx would have joined Medvetis and company in a heartbeat, if Valerian and Alastair hadn’t given them shelter and respect first. They are the only reason she didn’t join the rebellion.
🌻 T’ke has dysthymia, and is touch-aversive due to trauma in childhood. He is also very sensitive to sunlight due to his albinism. He wears so many layers both to protect his skin from the sun, and to hide his scarring as much as possible.
🌻 Isthe is mute thanks to a dog attack in his youth, and the attack led to a high fever for many days that nearly killed him. The infection damaged part of his memory, and as a result he has trouble learning new things. This is why T’ke is never able to teach him how to write. He prefers expressive communication anyway.
🌻 T’ke also gets seasick and it cracks me up every time because he’s so annoyed by that fact.
🌻 Valerian has severe agoraphobia, and after he was harassed by bandits in the beginning of the book, he never leaves Angaroth again. Samantha goes in his stead whenever he has to represent the area.
🌻 Alastair has lung problems thanks to his town being razed when he was a child, and severe smoke damage from the fire. It gets progressively worse as he gets older, but he tries very hard not to let it affect his work. 
🌻 Constantine is an excellent swordsman and a terrible horseman. He gets thrown from his horse at least twice over the course of the book. May have been three times. 
🌻 He also almost dies from sickness, gets strangled twice by Isthe, trips up the stairs during a swordfight, and generally gets his ass handed to him over and over again.
🌻 The beginning of each chapter has a journal entry from T’ke. If you take them all out and read it in order, it is a singular letter of sorts explaining his feelings about the whole story.
🌻 Delgos and Alastair have a very quick bromance that stays a strong friendship to the end of the book.
🌻 Alastair is the first person that Delgos comes out to. Unfortunately, Delgos confessing his love for Constantine flies way over Alastair’s head, and the response is more or less “you’re such a good guard, of course you love your king.” Whoops. He tried.
🌻 T’ke makes a binder for Isthe so he stops bruising his ribs with bandages. It then becomes a battle to make sure Isthe takes the binder off every night to sleep so he doesn’t injure himself. 
🌻 T’ke is such the mother of the dynamic trio and he would hate it if anyone points it out.
🌻 That being said, he also spends most of the book making all three of them immune to poisons by gradually introducing them all to it. 
🌻 One of the things that changed very little between initial writes and editing is Valerian’s dialogue. It remains paragraphs, rambling, warm, and ridiculous. I love him.
🌻 I need to make it more clear that Delgos is mixed race from a low-ranking family, because his change from middle child of a merchant sailor to Captain of the Guard speaks a lot about him, and about how much Constantine cares for him.
🌻 Valerian has two pet deerhounds that he adores, and are never used for hunting. They just lay all over everyone in the house instead. They were a gift from some nobility, but he never leaves the house to hunt with them.
🌻 T’ke keeps a pet hawk for a good portion of the novel. Isthe is inexplicably jealous of it.
🌻 Alastair gets incredibly attached to his horses, and names all of them after flowers from his mountain home.
🌻 Aashiq is also very attached to his donkey. 
🌻 Uh, let’s see. Book one is technically Medvetis’ story arc
🌻 Book two is Alastair’s arc
🌻 Book three is the next generation
🌻 T’ke’s story spans books 1 and 2. His journals cause book 3
🌻 Alastair’s sons are identical twins. Poor Samantha.
🌻 Seeing how Alastair was raised by a single man makes Constantine think very long and hard about adopting an heir rather than trying to make one by blood.
🌻 Most of the reason why Silas passed such terrible laws was because he was in love with Elophia, Kamin’s mother.
🌻 Kamin is the youngest of three. His two older sisters were taken to Tawrivers for sanctuary, but Kamin was too young to travel so far, so he was adopted by Jinx’s family.
🌻 Constantine and Kamin are about the same age, and should have been King and chief advisor if Silas hadn’t been a raging bag of dicks.
🌻 Constantine’s mother died from complications of childbirth. Silas blamed Elophia for not saving her.
🌻 Kamin was an unplanned child. They didn’t think that they could have any more children after the two girls. His name roughly translates to gift.
🌻 Which, incidentally, is what Nafal’s name translates to. Aashiq adores his son beyond all measure.
🌻 Jinx is not her real name, but it’s what she’s been called since she was a toddler, and she protects her real name as if she could some day go back to it.
🌻 Harper is Kamin’s title, not his last name. He is, after all, royalty.
🌻 Kendrick is Alastair’s cousin. There’s no accounting for family sometime.
🌻 I fixed Patience’s autonomy, and I can’t wait for her to pop back up later in book 2 or 3
🌻 At one point, Constantine accidentally breaks Medvetis’ nose. 
🌻 It probably wasn’t the first time Medvetis had his nose broken.
🌻 Speaking of single dads, Medvetis was raised by one, too! His mother died from the plague that rocked Vendave and its surrounding lands when he was young, and Cohen took over teaching and protecting him. Medvetis loved his father.
🌻 Oh! Apparently I have a wealth of single dads. Valerian more or less raised his daughter alone, as his wife’s schizophrenia got so bad she confined herself to her room for fear of hurting them. 
🌻 Silas theoretically raised his son alone after his wife died, but let’s be real, Silas didn’t do any raising. The servants did. 
🌻 Delgos was raised primarily by his mother and older siblings; his father was at sea most of the time.
🌻 T’ke was raised by Khalid and the rest of the merchant caravan, and they ruined him. 
🌻 Isthe was raised on the docks with the other street orphans, running with a group of kids and probably one or two pseudo-adults that kept them in line. I have no idea what happened to his parents, but it’s likely they died at sea.
🌻 Delgos really wants to have kids, and Constantine is slowly warming up to the idea. They will likely end up adopting later, and have the discussion about it in book 2
🌻 T’ke hates children. He actually just generally hates people. 
🌻 Medvetis wouldn’t mind having kids, but he would adopt and not have them naturally. As much as he would want kids, he doesn’t want to have sex.
🌻 Isthe loves kids. He loves people. Kids usually find him weird.
🌻 Isthe is also incredibly lucky at gambling, specifically dice games. I guess it balances out his poor luck when it came to the dog attack.
🌻 Isthe isn’t his birth name! He refused to let anyone know his birth name after he was attacked by a dog; he thought someone had used it to curse him. So, he made up a new one.
🌻 Delgos has a tattoo of the Runnemede lion on his chest. (Constantine thinks it’s incredibly hot)
🌻 Isthe gets a tattoo of Medvetis’ wolf on his arm at some point.
🌻 Kamin, of course, has his stars on his cheeks.
🌻 Jinx has the stars on her neck, plus another tattoo in her lower back
🌻 In the dark!AU, Delgos has a tattoo of the Cielan dragon instead :D
🌻 Speaking of defining marks, Medvetis has freckles and it is the most adorable thing
🌻 Also defining, Jinx’s red, red hair.
🌻 Ashleigh’s full name is true Reckson style: Ashleigh en Crowenne Brighton di Reckson
🌻 Originally, Wolf at the Gates and Dragon on the Mountain were one big book named Vendave because I had no idea what to title it. One big book. Thank god I had the sense to cut it in half.
🌻 Book 3 has nothing written on it yet, and only a vague idea of what the heck I’m doing with it.
🌻 Book 2 needs major rewrites but it’s not on the next “to do” list
🌻 I have no idea what any of the characters’ birthdays are, even though Medvetis turned 18 during a battle in the book.
🌻 These dumb kids are all so young in the book, it’s no wonder they suck at everything.
🌻 That’s a lie they mostly just suck at emotional stability and the ability to compromise.
🌻 Literally half the plot would fall apart if they all just sat at a table and talked it out.
🌻 All of the plot would fall apart if Silas hadn’t been a raging bag of dicks when he was alive.
🌻 Honestly I’m so mad that he just died in his sleep. He deserved a worse death and a shorter life but unfortunately the author let him get away with all of it. Damn it.
🌻 I thought a lot about cutting all the songs in WatG, but you convinced me otherwise. And no other beta readers were bothered by it. 
🌻 Have I mentioned yet that I had the best beta readers for this book? Because I had the best beta readers for this book. They were SO helpful.
🌻 I’m both tired of editing it, and very excited about editing it.
🌻 I’m debating on commissioning someone to make a map for me because I don’t want to, but the book really needs it. I have a rough sketch, but that’s it.
🌻 A part of me wants to go back and rewrite the book as pure medifant, instead of low fantasy, but I don’t want to develop a complex magic system, and it would change too many things. I just want it for the aesthetic really.
🌻 That being said, it’s heavily implied throughout the book that T’ke may really be magical, which is fun in a no-magic world. 
🌻 I was able to weave in some of the Ekanti “magic” though, including healing songs and tattoo work! 
🌻 Valerian is slightly magical too in that it seems like he doesn’t need air to keep talking. He just goes without ever pausing for breath.
🌻 When Samantha married Alastair, she takes Valerian under her wing too, and tries to keep him from getting beheaded by the crown, or at least getting his tongue removed.
🌻 Speaking of, an assassin later in the book has his tongue removed. Gross.
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hotshotshitshow · 6 years ago
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tell me about your ocs!!! i've really only heard things about them across multiple posts and tbh i haven't been able to keep them straight very well because of that. give me a rundown!!!! im beg
skdjfndskj anon are you for real right now.... is this actually happening... iM SO APPRECIATIVE THANK U you have no idea what this means to me screams!!! i am very sorry for confusion, this is supposed to be my oc blog but i dont post enough about them bc i am a very self conscious person so i know that i dont do a good job on sharing enough info ;n;i will attempt to be concise but idk who im kidding bc im sure this is going to get long so info is going under the cut !! i will.... only talk about my most significant ones just so i (hopefully) dont overwhelm you too much... but i have many more characters ksdkfndlk
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sev is ... a lot ok she is very abrasive and intense and reactionary and is a very hard person to be friends with but she is an extremely anxious person and this is often how her anxiety presents itself. she is a person who very much values honesty and while she can be written off as a bully at times she honestly means well and does her best. idk there is so so much i could say about her bc i love her and identify with her so much but i will spare u.... 
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riz is sev’s older sister (sev has three older sisters and riz is the third child in their family) riz is a lesbian and has a lot of trouble dealing with some pretty serious anxiety and depression throughout her life. she doesnt have a lot of great social skills and this often makes her come off as a very cold, intimidating person, but shes actually just scared shitless most of the time. she has absolutely 0 self confidence but if you do manage to befriend her, you’ll see that shes an incredibly funny person  (that is if you enjoy toilet humor... she lives for gross humor) that being said, absolutely nothing grosses her out.
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basira is the second child in sev’s family. she is basically like everything that i aspire to be... she’s definitely got her shit together ok. she is a very proud person who can sometimes come off as a bit self absorbed but ultimately she loves you and probably wants to be your friend!! her job involves working in a hospice-like setting in which she can help her clients prepare themselves for death and process whatever they need to process. however, she is a psychopomp, and this means that she is able to meet her clients in the spirit world once they die to help ease the process of crossing over and help them not be so afraid. she is a half-ghost polyamorous trans woman who wants to help you through one of the scariest and most uncertain times you will inevitably face at some point.
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this is jed.. he is part of the same universe as sev and her family but has a completely different story that doesnt really overlap with theirs at all (this is a pretty pervasive thing for all my characters actually, they are all technically part of the same universe but often stories don’t overlap much) he is a bisexual trans man who is your friendly neighborhood obsessive paranormal geek. he takes lots of things, including himself, Way Too Seriously and doesnt really understand when he’s being made fun of but honestly he doesnt really care. he is a nomadic person who is constantly trying to prove that supernatural entities exist, but has probably never actually had a real paranormal experience. he has a small paranormal team, one of which is sev’s eldest sister vin that i have not mentioned here, minerva who belongs to @thedeadgiraffe​, and buck.
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buck is a 16-ish year old kid who grew up in rural oregon and is just trying to figure shit out. he is easily stressed out and is a fairly reactionary person but hes honestly just really unsure of himself and scared a lot of the time. he has such a sweet, gentle heart, but is afraid of exposing it for a lot of reasons. he has as weird thing where when his emotions become really intense, it begins to effect the weather in the area around him. he is very not fond of this. 
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maude is satan in my character’s universe. she is more concerned with making sure that justice is served rather than being an evil person that just goes around doing mean things for no reason. she takes her job incredibly seriously, though you wouldnt guess it right off the bat, as she enjoys messing around and having a good laugh. she was originally born as a human, but ended up taking on the role of satan due to some fairly tragic events in her life and being manipulated by god. she is also polyamorous and is married to basira (the two of them also have one more partner but they belong to @thedeadgiraffe​
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vivi is a lady who died a long time ago because she did something dumb. she resents more than anything the fact that she is dead and wishes for nothing more than to live again. for now, she's stuck in an old mansion on top of a lonely mountain hoping for travelers to stop by for a rest and ease her aching loneliness. she is able to trick people into believing she is a living person by possessing frozen corpses and wearing elaborate outfits that cover every inch of where skin might be shown. she loves venetian carnival masks and costumes because they hide everything.vivi is social and craves attention and loves feeling like she is taking good care of her guests. she is an entertainer at heart and is extremely theatrical, often bordering on melodramatic. she is a kind person but has a knack for being a brat. she is for the most part very kind to any visitors she has, but is extremely self-absorbed and will "collect" the body of anyone she thinks looks similar enough to how she looked while she was alive. wooOOoo sinister. she is a femme lesbian
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quoia is a kind person who just wants to be your friend! they want nothing more than to just get along and have a good time. they are agender, asexual, and aromantic.they are a bit of a noodle and unfortunately have a hard time standing up for themselves, to the point where its pretty unhealthy for themselves. they like bugs, crazy patterns, and bright colors. they have a fear of anything that is too cute, they find excessively cutesy stuff to be extremely unsettling. they meet sev during their freshman year in college as dormmates and have a very rocky beginning together, as you can only guess, but end up becoming life long friends who end up owning a house together once they are older. (this does not mean they are in a relationship, they just know that they are compatible living together)
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griselda is a big surly butch lesbian anteater monster lady. she is a lady of few words and always does a good job on her work. she has little interest in most things unless she can benefit from it somehow. if she feels she can get something out of a situation, she can flip on the charm like nothing else. she has a knack for coming off like she really cares and can appear very understanding and sweet but as soon as she's got what she wants from you, she'll drop you immediately.griselda has cryptid status in my character's universe. its almost like being a celebrity in the spirit world. this is fine sometimes, because she enjoys allowing herself to be seen momentarily by humans and stirring up a ruckus and hearing all the far-fetched stories they make up about her, but beyond that she just wants to be left alone. she and maude are drinking buddies.
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