#I swear that when I have time I will write this but my life is a mess
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Hate your guts (pt 1)
~ this fic is my Christmas giftđ i'm dividing this into two parts bcs tumblr is shit
pairing: rockstar!hyunjin x rockstar afab!reader
genre: enemies to lovers, fluff, smut
wc: 26.6k
synopsis: hwang hyunjin, your sworn enemy. the person who finds and pushes all your buttons, annoys you and makes you angry. the person you're trying to avoid so badly, only to end up practically sharing a bed with him on tour. let the fun begin!
warnings: lots of swearing, smoking and alcohol, mentions of blood and throwing up, mild violence, multiple sex scenes, unprotected sex, oral (f and m), fingering, handjob, semi-public sex, spanking, creampies, mix of degradation and praise
a/n: thank you @frehyun for helping me come up with a name for hyunjin's bandđ also a thank you to @jehhskz @moonchild9350 and @hyunebunx for giving me suggestions, listening to me yap and being supportive while i was writing thisđ„čđ©·đ©·đ©· title is inspired by inji, go listen to her musicđ«¶đ»
a little ramble: feel free to skip this! but i just wanted to say that this was supposed to be done sooner cause i had other fics planned out to write but work got in the way. so i wrote this fic whenever and wherever i could; hiding in the bathroom at work, during my break, at the bus station, at 3am when i couldn't sleep etc... it's been a ride and i'm proud of how it turned out, hopefully y'all enjoy it toođ„čđ«¶đ»
â...And do you look into the mirror to remind yourself youâre there? Or have somebodyâs goodnight kisses got that covered? When Iâm not being honest, I pretend that you were just some loverâŠâ
It was a perfect but short moment.
The fresh breeze coming into the car where the window was opened just a little was enough to give you some air but still managed to hide most of your face from the outside world.Â
The music in your ears was loud, so loud that you were drowning in it, the warm and comforting voice, the melancholic guitar riff in the background, and the gentle sluggish drums putting it all together into a song that made your eyes water.
You tuned everything else out as this was the only moment of peace you were going to get today.
You needed every shred of sanity you could gather, and you were determined to hold onto it as much as you could.
Because today, you had an interview with him.
Hwang Hyunjin.
Oh, the name you know so well.
Even thinking about the way it sounds makes you feel angry.
It seemed as if his life mission was to find every single button of yours and push them repeatedly until you exploded like a ticking bomb.
Your mind wandered as you thought about him and how much his existence angered you, your stomach turning into knots.
Or maybe it was just pre-interview nerves.
No matter how many times you talked in front of the camera, it always made you feel anxious and jittery.
Being on stage was fun, there was no anxiety there as whenever you would step on it and see all the people cheering for you and singing along to the music you and your friends wrote, your heart felt full, your soul elated.Â
It was an exhilarating feeling you couldnât even begin to explain to someone whoâd never experienced it.
Every concern in your head, every ache in your soul, every tear behind your eyelids threatening to spill got erased when you gave yourself to the stage.
If you could, you would definitely try to avoid the interviews and just perform.
But your record company had other plans.
Being the only up and rising all girls rock band in the company meant that you needed promotion, and what better way to promote than to collab with the only boy rock band in the same company?
Hwang Hyunjinâs band.
Yes, you couldnât wait for this day to be over.
âY/n!â you were shaken out of your thoughts, as your manager pulled at your headphones.
âWhat?â you almost snapped at her, startled by her antics.
âYou were staring off into space and muttering angrily about Hyunjin. Something like âpoke his eyes outâ and âconceited dickâ.â Ana giggled, covering her lips with her hand as you rolled your eyes, realizing that youâve already arrived at the building for the interview.
âIâm sure you find all this amusing. But I am not amused at all. Last time I had an interview with that... bastard, everyone thought we were dating and started shipping us.â you recoil at the thought. âI would never date someone like him.â
âOh y/n, lighten up! You know there will always be rumors of all kinds. The dating rumors are the least harmful ones, trust me. Just act like youâre besties with Hyunjin, for an hour tops.â
You take a deep breath in, then sigh.
âI am a professional. I will do this right.â you nod with a determined tone as Ana bumped her fist with yours.
âThatâs the spirit!â your manager smacked your thigh happily as you yelped, making her laugh before she exited the car.
Since you were in the underground parking lot, there was no press around so you walked out of the car freely, going directly to the elevator that would take you to the reception.
Ana pressed the button when you walked in and just as the doors started closing, someoneâs combat boot was pushed between the silver doors, stopping them and making them open again.
Your eyes traveled up from the boots, to the tight leather pants and the skimpy tank top revealing a tattoo sleeve, right to the face you hoped you wonât be seeing for at least another ten minutes.
Hyunjin had an obnoxious smirk dancing on his lips as he looked down at you, puffing his chest out like some peacock showing off his feathers and you already wanted to smack the shit out of him.
His manager, Anthony waved at the two of you, ushering him into the elevator.
âGood morning y/n, Ana.â Anthony greeted as Hyunjin kept smirking at you.
âIt was good until now.â you crossed your arms over your chest.
Even the cologne Hyunjin was wearing made you want to puke your guts out so you stepped away from him.
A chuckle escaped his lips as he leaned on the wall casually, never taking his eyes off of you.
âAw, you throwing a tantrum already baby?â he smirked at you and you started fuming.
Both of your managers rolled their eyes, Ana muttering âhere we go againâ as she shook her head.
âI see you have a new piercing on your face. You needed another hole to let the air out of that empty head?â you said, trying to sound nonchalant and Hyunjin scoffed.
âIâm gonna ignore that comment and focus on the fact that youâre counting my piercings. Observing me, huh?â he looked at you smugly.
âYeah, cause I have nothing better to do than-â
Ding!
âAlright, break it off kids, were here!â Anthony said, quickly pulling Hyunjin out of the elevator.
âSee? I canât stand him.â you groaned as Ana chuckled.
âYou stood up to him pretty well.â Ana winked. âLet's go get some coffee, get you properly awake before the interview.â she gripped your shoulders, shaking you a little as you groaned in protest.
Thankfully, Hyunjin had disappeared somewhere and you were glad he wasnât around to annoy you, as you made small talk with a few of the staff you knew there since youâve already been interviewed for the same channel before.Â
âAna, Iâm gonna go get some air before we start.â you felt the nerves creeping up inside you.
âOkay, but you have to be back in five minutes.â she reminded you and you gave her a thumbs up, before practically sprinting down the hall to get to the little terrace hidden on the side.
Staff used it for smoke breaks, and you decided to use it to calm your anxiety down.
You flung the door open and stepped out onto the balcony, quickly taking a deep breath in while you looked down at the city before you.
âNeeded to see me once more before the interview?â a voice rang out to the left of you.
Hyunjinâs voice.
Of course the bastard is here, you thought, your face becoming hot in annoyance.
âI had no idea you were here, asshole.â you turned to look at him.
He was leaning on the railing, flexing his muscles, a long vein protruding under the layer of the swirling colorful flowers inked into his skin, leading all the way to his long fingers with chipped nail polish and a cigarette pinched between his thumb and index finger.
He looked at you intently through his bangs that were haphazardly falling into his eyes, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip, before his tongue poked out to play with the piercing adorning it.
âI thought you had more originality when it comes to nicknames, darling.â he said mockingly before taking another drag from his cigarette.
âDonât call me that.â you turned around to leave but Hyunjinâs long arm quickly blocked your way, his palm splayed on the wall.
You looked up at him and stepped back, just as he puffed the smoke out your way.
âYou leaving?â he looked smug again, intrusive thoughts of pushing him off the balcony appeared in your mind.
âYes, this space is too small and your cologne is nauseating.â your face scrunches up.
âAw, Iâll make sure to find another one youâd like.â Hyunjin smirks.
âDonât bother.â you ducked under his arm and opened the door, walking away as fast as you could.
At least he helped in a way, you werenât anxious anymore, just annoyed and waiting for this day to be over.Â
âWhere is Hyunjin, weâre starting in a minute.â Anthonyâs brows furrowed while you were ushered towards the room.Â
âLast I saw him, he was smoking on the balcony.â you shrugged as they sat you down.Â
The chair where Hyunjin would be sitting was too close for comfort and you wanted so badly to push it away, but you figured it was there because of the camera frame.Â
âWeâre on in 30 seconds!â one of the staff yelled and you rolled your eyes.Â
Of course he was late, the self-centered bastard. You were sure he was enjoying this, everyone waiting on his highness to arrive, everyone panicking around him as he wears that disgusting smug smirk on his face.
âIn 10âŠ9âŠâ the staff started counting down just as the door swung open and a breathless Hyunjin ran into the room, almost tripping over your crossed legs before he sat down on the chair next to you.Â
After he ran in, one of the girls working there ran in too, quickly taking her place with rosy cheeks and her lipgloss smeared.Â
You rolled your eyes and looked at him, the glitter from the girlâs lipgloss was visibly shining on his lips and chin.Â
âYou have a little something.â you said and he smirked, wiping his chin off before leaning towards you.
âMy lips were dry.â he whispered with a wink.
You were more than ready to get this over with, seething with anger at his unprofessional behavior that you didnât even notice the camera began rolling.Â
â... todayâs special guests are y/n of Venus Flytrap and Hyunjin of Lycoris Radiata! I hope yâall are as excited as I am, since itâs been so long. Y/n, letâs start with you. You have a new album coming out soon, can we get a little sneak peek of that?â the interviewer, Sarah, asked as you adjusted on your chair.Â
âThis is our third album now, and this time Steph and Janey participated in the writing more than before, so the songs are really personal to all three of us.â
âAre we finally gonna hear about their love story?â Sarah wiggled her eyebrows.Â
âWe may.â you smirked at her, not wanting to reveal too much.
âHow about yours?â she added on, in the corner of your eye you saw Hyunjin leaning towards you as he stared at you, manspreading like always, his knee knocking into yours.Â
âHuh?âÂ
âYour love story. Is there a special guy or girl in your life?â the interviewer asked, making you feel annoyed instantly.Â
You hated being asked questions like that, sometimes it felt like the music you were writing didnât even matter, all people wanted to know was who youâre fucking.Â
âNot at the moment, no.â you forced a smile so you donât seem rude.
âI thought I was special.â Hyunjin chimed in next to you, bumping his shoulder against yours, that shit eating grin you hate spreading on his face.
Before you could answer, Sarah butted in.Â
âOh, is there something happening between you that we should know about?â
You could just hear the excitement in her voice, the hunger for drama dripping from her lips.Â
âNothing is happening, we just like to joke around like that.â you quickly answered, hoping to deflect her to another question, or that sheâd finally talk to Hyunjin and ask him about his new song, so you could take a few moments to breathe.Â
âSo, you two are close?â
Oh no.Â
Here it goes again.Â
Last time this happened, your name got dragged on every social media platform.
People who were shipping the two of you got on your nerves, but that wasnât the biggest problem.
No, it was the people who had sent you hate and death threats, telling you if they saw you next to Hyunjin again youâd be dead.Â
It took a toll on your mental health and scared you since you know people can easily find an address or stalk you somewhere and you wanted to avoid any rumors that would endanger your well-being.Â
âWe're just coworkers.â to your surprise Hyunjin answered nonchalantly, saying exactly what you wanted to say so people would leave you alone.Â
Why was there a weird feeling in your chest then?
âWell, sometimes thereâs passion at the workplace.â Sarah wasnât giving it up and you were close to losing your temper and telling her to shove it already, ask some less invasive questions.Â
âNo passion here, our relationship is strictly professional.â you said, but your skin burned where Hyunjinâs thigh pressed against yours.
In your mind you were cursing both him and Sarah, and even your manager for bringing you here.
Thankfully, she left it at that, continuing with questions about your upcoming tour and Hyunjinâs new song.Â
As soon as the interview finished and you were done shaking hands, Ana came to you, her hand on your shoulder as she squeezed.Â
In the corner of your eye, you saw Hyunjin slip out of the room.
âGood job.â she smiled as Anthony joined the two of you.Â
âI hope youâre hungry, y/n. This time itâs my treat, and thereâs this restaurantâŠâ
You tuned Anthony out, completely forgetting that after an interview like this, the tradition is to have dinner with Hyunjin and his manager.Â
âCan we skip dinner this time? I just wanna go home and lay down.â
âNonsense, I hear your stomach growling from here. Come on, itâs free food you canât say no.â Anthony made a goofy face, hoping to win you over.
âFine, you had me at free food.â you sighed as Ana nodded with a smile.
âGood! Now where is our other rockstar?â he quickly looked around. âI swear, sometimes I feel like Iâm a babysitter, not a manager.â
âIâll go find him.â you offered, wanting to leave the building as soon as possible.
âSure.â Ana nodded and you made your way down the hall.
Your footsteps echoed in the empty space, until you came closer to a corner where the sounds of hushed voices and giggles filled up your ears and made you roll your eyes.Â
âYou know I canât give you my number, baby. But if there is an empty room around here somewhereâŠâ Hyunjin was talking to the girl from earlier, leaning over her body as she stared up at him like he was a god, her back against the wall.
You cleared your throat, crossing your arms on your chest.Â
Both of them looked up at you, Hyunjin giving you a smirk as he straightened up and the girl glared at you but you didnât give a shit.Â
âWe need to leave right now. Our managers are waiting for us.â you said simply as the girl whined.Â
âShh, maybe some other time.â he shushed her, leaning towards her and your stomach flipped in disgust.Â
He didnât kiss her, just taunted her before he leaned back and made his way towards you.Â
âCockblocker.â he stuck his tongue out, the piercing adorning it catching the light for a moment.Â
âDo you even know her name?â you asked, keeping a fast pace and a good distance away from him.
âNo. Does it matter?â he shrugged, his long legs quickly catching up to you in big strides.
âYouâre despicable.â your face scrunched up in disgust as you neared the elevator where your managers were waiting and chatting.Â
âThrowing some big words around. You sure you know the meaning?â he smirked.
âThatâs it.â you said angrily.
âWhat? You just basically told me I deserve to be hated just cause I wanted to have some fun.âÂ
You looked at him, full on ready to slap him across his face but Ana stepped between the two of you.Â
âFighting again? Can the two of you behave for just one evening?â Anthony frowned with a sigh as he called the elevator.Â
âI can behave.â Hyunjin clicked his tongue cheekily before playing with his lip ring again.Â
âY/n?â Ana looked at you.Â
âAs long as he doesnât talk to me, Iâll be fine.â you turned away from Hyunjin, stepping into the elevator.Â
This is going to be one awkward dinner.Â
-
Choosing to disconnect in the van you put your earphones in, ignoring Hyunjinâs presence right next to you.Â
Itâs like your managers wanted to have you two as close as possible, like they thought itâd make you hate each other less but at this moment there was nothing more you wanted than to get away from him.Â
Or maybe your managers wanted to be closer to each other, you smirked to yourself as Ana twirled her hair around her finger, giggling at something Anthony said.Â
You leaned back as the music flooded your ears, your figure slightly turned towards the window as you watched the street lights pass you by, totally unaware of a pair of eyes that were glued to you.
Hyunjin observed you in detail, how shiny your hair was as it cascaded down your back and shoulders, how your brows were slightly creased and your lips pouty as you listened to your music, the steady rise and fall of your chest, the way your fingers played with the hem of your shirt as you pulled on it, how pretty the rings adorning your fingers were, how the necklace you always wore laid gently on your collarbone.
No little detail was skipped as he drinked it all in, thinking you wouldnât notice.Â
But after some time as it got even darker outside, you caught Hyunjinâs reflection in the window as he stared at you with a look on his face that youâve never seen before.Â
Your stomach suddenly swirled as the two of you made eye contact on the glass, Hyunjinâs plump lips falling open before he sat up and looked away, acting like nothing happened.Â
The rest of the ride was uneventful and you were tired of this day, having to look at Hyunjin was more exhausting to you than being on stage.
You couldnât wait to get into your bed and disappear.Â
As you walked into the restaurant, you were led to a table and you could see a few people whispering and pointing at you but usually they didnât bother you much.Â
However, this time was different.Â
As you scanned the menu, a girl timidly approached your table and you looked up at her as she stood next to Hyunjin.Â
âIâm - Iâm sorry to bother you but Iâm a really big fan and I was wondering if youâd take a picture with me?â she asked Hyunjin who immediately smirked at her.
âNo pictures allowed. But you can get his signature.â Anthony chimed in.Â
âAnd who the fuck are you?â the girl changed her demeanor right away, making Hyunjin chuckle.
âEasy there, sweetheart, thatâs my boss.â he wiggled his eyebrows at the girl. âCome on Iâll give you a sign and you can write me your number, maybe Iâll call you, hm?â Hyunjin winked at her and you just about lost your appetite completely.
âOh, sure, Iâd love that!â she let out a nasally laugh as he signed a napkin with a pen she somehow produced, giving it back to her as she leaned over to write her number down, making sure her tits were right in his face before she skipped back to her friends.Â
âCan there be at least one minute when youâre not trying to fuck something that walks?â you looked at him annoyingly and he laughed.
âThought you werenât talking to me.â he smirked.Â
âUgh, youâre so annoying!â you were ready to smack him with the menu in your hand but Ana caught your wrist.Â
âI bet you love that about me.â he kept smirking.Â
âLove is nothing near what I feel about you.â you said, your teeth gritted.
âThereâs a fine line between love and hate, you know.â Hyunjin smirked, leaning into your personal space.Â
âAnyways, guys. What are you ordering? Their steak is really good.â Anthony gave an awkward smile as he looked around the table.Â
âI want the tomato pasta.â Hyunjin leaned back, making you cackle.
âIsnât that the kids menu? Makes sense for you somehow.âÂ
âIâm saving room for dessert.â he winked at you, his tongue running over his lip tentatively, the piercing on it catching the light again.Â
âEw.â you jolted in disgust as he laughed loudly, obviously finding enjoyment in ticking you off.Â
The dinner part of the outing was uneventful as everyone ate and made small talk but you didnât miss how Hyunjin crumpled up the napkin with the fanâs number and threw it aside on the table, not caring about it.Â
What an asshole.Â
âLetâs make a little toast to this evening and the upcoming albums and tour.â Ana proposed as she lifted her glass up.Â
âTo us.â Hyunjin smirked as he looked at you.Â
âTo rockânâroll!â you added as the four of you clinked your glasses together before taking a big swig of your drinks.
Hyunjin didnât look at you on the drive home.Â
-
Rehearsal was supposed to start at 9am sharp, but you were there bright and early, tuning your guitar.Â
Being an early bird, you loved the few moments of peace you could have to yourself, just you and your music.Â
Your hand glided easily on the guitarâs neck, taking shapes familiar to your hands, it was muscle memory by now, your fingers picking on the strings and creating the melody you played countless times before.Â
You let your voice ring out in the space freely as you sang a song dear to your heart, one you wrote when you were younger.Â
Youâd always start warming up by singing it to yourself, never having the need to actually put it out into the world.Â
You got into it, your eyes closed as you sang with a small smile on your face, the entire world around you disappearing shortly.Â
In the distance, you heard footsteps and voices belonging to your bandmates and just as you opened your eyes, you looked through the glass on the door, a shadow slithered across the wall outside, disappearing around the corner. Â
You squinted your eyes and stood up, putting your guitar aside and coming closer to the door.Â
Just as you were about to reach towards the doorknob, the voices got louder.Â
âAre we seriously doing this right now?â Janey asked, the tone of her voice angry.Â
âIâm telling you, it was nothing! I donât know who she is and why sheâs texting me!â Steph defended herself as Janey scoffed.
âIâm sick of your excuses. Iâm gonna give you one last chance to make it up to me and be truthful, but after that Iâm done.â you stepped back as Janey came into view, opening the door angrily.
âOh, y/n.â she widened her eyes slightly. âGood morning.â she added, scurrying past you to take her place behind the drum kit.Â
Steph walked in with a scowl on her face, muttering a âmorningâ before going straight to her bass guitar.Â
It wasnât the first time they fought or even broke up.
There were many times you had to be the mediator between them, trying to get them to communicate and even though it was frustrating, you didnât want them to give up on their relationship easily and you couldnât really take sides since they were both your friends.Â
âShall we?â you asked and they nodded.Â
It took some warming up as always but soon you got into the groove, rehearsing for a small performance that was happening tonight.
You were excited because during the performance you planned to reveal your new song and see how people like it in person.Â
The only thorn in your eye was the fact that Hyunjinâs band will be there too, performing right after yours.Â
You were dreading to see him again, since that interview last week you had managed to avoid him skilfully, but you couldnât hide forever.Â
And even though your rehearsal went somewhat smoothly, there was tension in the air and you didnât like that feeling.
It felt like a storm was coming and you werenât sure if youâre ready to take it on.Â
-
Evening came around quickly, everyone was already gathered backstage and you were dressed and ready, having rehearsed once more on the stage, tuning your guitars and getting ready for the most fun part.Â
You peered from the back, seeing all the people gathering made your heart swell, a smile spreading on your face automatically.Â
âQuite a turn out, huh?âÂ
Your eye literally twitched when you heard Hyunjinâs voice behind you, too close for comfort as his figure loomed over you and you felt the warmth of his body on your back.
You turned your head slightly as he peered down at you with that annoying smirk you absolutely hate.Â
âOf course.â you said, squeezing your body between him and the curtain, ignoring him calling after you as you walked away as fast as you could.
Youâre not gonna let him ruin tonight for you.Â
It was time to go on stage anyways.
You and your girls did a little cheer as tradition before the performance, Ana coming up to hug you and wish you good luck.Â
âBreak a leg.â Hyunjin appeared out of nowhere and you only rolled your eyes before whipping around and almost smacking him with your hair as you made your way towards the stage.Â
As soon as you walked out, loud screams filled up your ears and everything negative was forgotten and locked away in a drawer in the back of your mind.Â
âAre you ready to rock tonight?!â you screamed out into the mic as the three of you took your positions.Â
Hyunjin watched you from the side with an unreadable look on his face, but you werenât even aware of it and you didnât care.Â
All you cared about was this moment.Â
The moment where you get to share your love for music with thousands of people.Â
It was exhilarating, watching the mass of bodies sway like one, hearing all the people singing the lyrics you wrote in unison.Â
Nothing could compare to this and every time you stood under that light, you knew you were born for this.Â
Giddy from everything, you skipped backstage once you finished playing the last song; which happened to be the new one and people more than loved it judging by their excited screams.Â
âThat was amazing!â Ana met you halfway, giving high fives to all three of you.
You were still trying to catch your breath as you giggled, when Hyunjin appeared next to you again.Â
âArenât you gonna wish me good luck?â he smirked at you, shamelessly giving you the elevator eyes.Â
âGood luck guys!â Janey yelled at all four members with a smile and a thumbs up but Hyunjin shook his head.Â
âI want her to say it or Iâm not going out on stage.â he crossed his arms on his chest, pouting and tapping his foot like a child about to throw a tantrum.Â
âCome on, Hyun, we need to get out there!â Aiden, the bandâs bassist called out.Â
âNot moving until y/n wishes me good luck.â he quickly shook his head, his fluffy hair shaking with it and you thought how he resembled a dog; in more ways than one.Â
âFine you spoiled brat. Good luck.â you said sarcastically and he scoffed.Â
âThat wasnât so hard, was it?â he smirked, leaning into your personal space again.Â
âGet on the stage, Hyunjin.â you sighed and he chuckled in delight.Â
âWatch me closely.â he winked before running off.Â
âI can just cut the tension in the air with a knife.â Steph smirked at you, wiggling her eyebrows.Â
âOh, fuck off!â you said, smacking the back of her head as she cackled.Â
You did end up watching Hyunjinâs band perform after refreshing yourself, but pretty soon youâve come to regret that decision.Â
He was wild while performing, stripping out of his jacket as he screamed into the mic, sweating under the bright lights pointed directly at him making him look like an insane glazed donut as he strutted around the stage acting all smug even though he tripped over his dumb long legs multiple times.Â
Heâd lean over towards his little groupies, holding their hand or caressing their faces, blowing them kisses and whatnot, all of that behavior making your gut churn in disgust.Â
The last straw was when he laid down on his back and started humping the air while moaning into the mic.Â
Even though the crowd screamed louder than before and the horny fans almost started hyperventilating, you felt second hand embarrassment at witnessing this.Â
Hyunjin continued moaning before he threw his head back, his eyes locking with yours.Â
A shiver ran down your spine as he smirked at you, all sweaty, his hair sticking to his forehead, his piercings shining in the light, the veins on his neck visible and his cheeks red.Â
A warmness spread in your navel as he winked, licking at his lip slowly, taunting you before he moaned extra loudly, the pornographic sound echoing in your ears.Â
You frowned suddenly at your heart beating fast and your legs pressing together.Â
What the fuck is wrong with me?, you thought, quickly shaking your head as he finally looked away from you and stood up.Â
Of course, he got showered by multiple bras on stage, you think you even caught a glimpse of someone throwing their panties and you couldnât watch anymore.Â
It was truly disgusting.Â
You quickly shoved past some staff members watching and gasping at whatever Hyunjin was doing now.Â
Pushing past everyone, you made your way outside to get some fresh air in the hidden area behind backstage, where staff and musicians usually smoked or chilled after a performance.Â
You greeted some of the staff before finding a spot where you could be alone.Â
You were about to relax when you heard kissing sounds and as you turned to look around the corner you saw Steph kissing some random girl.Â
You couldnât contain the gasp that flew out of your mouth, making them jolt away from each other.Â
Stephâs eyes widened when she saw you and you quickly spun around, noticing Janey had just walked outside too and started looking around.Â
âY/n, wait!â Steph yelled behind you. âItâs not what you think! Please, donât tell Janey!â she looked at you desperately but you hated cheaters more than anything, seeing her betrayal with your own eyes broke any sort of connection you had with her.Â
âIsnât it? Your tongue was down some girlâs throat. Now, what do you call that?â you scoffed.
âWhat?â Janey appeared next to you, just as the girl who Steph was kissing before stood behind her.Â
âItâs not like that, I-â
You could see Janeyâs eyes filling up with tears.Â
âThatâs it, Iâm done. With you and with the band. With everything.â you gasped when she said that, your eyes wide.Â
âJaney, donât be like that, it didnât mean anything to me-â Steph started.
âLiar, you told me youâd leave her for me.â the girl behind Steph chimed in.Â
âOh, so this has been going on for some time?â Janey looked between Steph and the girl.Â
âLetâs talk about this inside.â you tried to lead them in as people were whispering and looking at the four of you.Â
âI have nothing else to say. Iâm sorry, y/n. I canât be a part of this band anymore when all itâs gonna do is remind me of this cheating whore.â Janey spat before turning around and leaving.Â
âOkay, I deserve that but like Iâm sorry that-â
âSave it, Steph. I canât believe you did this. You put your desires over the well-being of our band. You do understand that your actions not only affect Janey, but also me, Ana and the rest of the record company?â you asked her, your blood boiling with anger.Â
âI- Iâm sorry, let me make it right. Iâll talk to Janey and sheâll forgive me once she understands-âÂ
âYou think I want you to be part of the band after this? Thatâs rich.â you turned around too, in hopes of finding Janey.Â
âY/n, you canât throw me out of the band!â Steph yelled behind you.Â
âI just did.â you said coldly before opening the door and rushing into the backstage room.Â
âIs Janey here?â you asked Ana and before she could answer, someone bumped into you rather strongly, making you stumble backwards a little.
You turned around angrily, noticing a very sweaty and breathless Hyunjin staring at you with a smile, his tongue lolling out of his lips as he played with his piercing.Â
âSo, did you like my performance?â he winked at you. âDid it get you excited?â the famous shit eating grin spread on his face as he leaned in closer to you, a few droplets of sweat dripping from his hair.
âI donât have time for your games, Hyunjin. Please leave me alone.â you said annoyingly, noticing he had a bra hooked around his hand.
âWhatâs going on?â Ana asked, looking at you confusedly.
You were shaken up, the anger you felt manifesting into tears and you cursed yourself for being so emotional and quick to cry.Â
âWoah, youâre crying!â Hyunjin stepped even closer to you but youâve had enough of him.Â
âGet away from me, asshole!â you channeled all your anger his way as you pressed your hands on his chest, pushing him away.Â
Hyunjin stumbled with a gasp, a shocked look on his face.Â
âWhat the hell is happening here?â Anthony quickly came to Hyunjinâs side as his bandmates watched everything unfold.Â
âAna, can we talk in private?â you glared once more at Hyunjin and she quickly nodded, hooking her arm with yours and taking you away from the scene.Â
Hyunjin watched your figure disappear out of view with a deep frown on his face.Â
-
Itâs been a dreadful week.
Youâve tried talking to Janey multiple times, begging her to come back, promising to her that you wouldnât let Steph come anywhere near her.Â
Sadly, Janey was insistent on not wanting to continue with the band since lots of the songs were written by her and her now ex girlfriend who betrayed her in such an ugly way.Â
You talked to Ana almost every day on the phone but you werenât up for any visits, choosing instead to wallow in your sadness.Â
Your band fell apart, your friends were no longer together, your album couldnât be published and people were speculating, spreading rumors, you were getting numerous curious comments asking what happened to Venus Flytrap.Â
You had no idea what to do at that moment.Â
You just needed some time to yourself to figure out what your next step should be.Â
You were lounging in your bed when your phone buzzed for the hundredth time.
Rolling your eyes, you grabbed it and saw that you had a text message from an unknown number.Â
???: hey there pretty girl! donât be so sad! there are worse things than your band falling apart.Â
you: what, like death? and who is this?Â
???: your favorite person in the whole world<3Â
you: hyunjin??Â
???: aw i knew i was your favorite!
You started seething immediately as you sat up, your heart beating fast instantly as you worked yourself up into annoyance.
You quickly put his contact under âassholeâ.Â
you: no, i knew that a conceited answer like that can only come from an asshole like you.
you: now, what do you want?
asshole: did you save my contact as asshole? or dickhead? which one is it?
you: wouldnât you like to know. seriously what the hell do you want. iâll block you if you donât get on with it
asshole: just wanted to see if you maybe want to talk to someone
you: if i did, i wouldnât choose you. have a nice day away from me hyunjin
Hyunjin didnât answer your last text, instead he left you on read and you tossed your phone across your bed, now feeling even more infuriated than before.Â
You squinted your eyes, grabbing your phone again and texting Ana.
you: did you give my number to hyunjin??
Ana: iâm sorry! he wouldnât stop bugging me about it! pls donât be mad
Just great.Â
Why is he insisting on annoying you even when you feel down in the dumps, you thought, he always has to come in and make you feel even more mad.Â
You were hoping that with your last text heâd finally leave you alone.
You also hoped you wouldnât be seeing him any time soon.
But boy, you couldnât be more wrong.
-
âWhat?!â you yelled so loudly that it echoed off of the office walls.
âY/n, please we donât know any other solution. Lycoris Radiata is going to tour in 4 days and youâre the only person who knows their songs by heart. You can also kick ass with drums. And well, youâre kinda free now.â Anthony grimaced.Â
âYou canât do this to me. I canât spend so much time with Hwang Hyunjin!â you whined like a child, kicking your legs under the table as Ana gave you an apologetic look.
âGossiping about me?â Hyunjin strolled in, with that annoying smirk, his hair in a little ponytail, showing more of his ear piercings and his sharp jawline.Â
He took off his leather jacket, throwing it haphazardly on the chair before he plopped down into it.Â
He spun around in the chair to face you as you looked at him with a scowl on your face.
Brendon, his guitarist and Aiden joined the meeting right after that.
âSo, ready to be my new drummer?â Hyunjin wiggled his eyebrows at you.
âNot a chance in hell.âÂ
âY/n, please, we have no other choice! Phil had to leave so suddenly due to his sickness. We couldnât be prepared for something like that. We canât afford to postpone the tour now.â Brendon pleaded as Aiden nodded next to him.Â
You leaned back into the chair, pursing your lips as you gave it a thought.
Of course theyâd choose you.Â
You knew their songs by heart since you shared so many tours together but you had your own bus and mostly ran into Hyunjin either backstage or at an afterparty but if you would become a part of his band youâd spend most of your time with him.Â
But this could be good for you to give yourself time to decide what you wanna do next while touring with Lycoris Radiata.Â
And since you were a multi instrumentalist, playing the drums wouldnât be a problem for you.
You smirked suddenly before tilting your head at Hyunjin.Â
âFine. I will tour with you under one condition.â you said.Â
âAnything!â Anthony piped in but you kept staring at Hyunjin.Â
âI want you to beg.â your smirk deepened and Hyunjinâs eyes widened slightly, his fingers twitching against his thighs.Â
âWhat?â he blinked repeatedly and you chuckled under your breath.Â
âBeg me to join your band or Iâm not doing it.âÂ
Hyunjinâs lips opened and closed a few times before he frowned.
âI donât beg. I demand.â he smirked, taunting you.
âWell, in case you havenât noticed, youâre in no position to have demands. However, I am. So if I want you to beg, Hyunjin, youâre gonna beg.â you sat up straight as he looked at you in pure shock.Â
âMy, my darling. I didnât know you were this commanding. I kinda dig that.â he wiggled his eyebrows.Â
âAny day now.â you were ready to stand up and leave.Â
The room was eerily silent and Brendon opened his lips to speak up but Anthony grabbed his wrist and quickly shook his head.Â
You could see the gears turning in Hyunjinâs head as he stared at you, and slowly but surely his cheeks became red as he closed his eyes in frustration.
âPretty please, join my band and come on tour with us?â he said, rather quickly and you tsked.Â
âNot convincing enough.â you enjoyed having the upper hand, the roles reversed as you pushed Hyunjinâs buttons.Â
âWhat do you want me to do?! Kneel at your feet?â he whined.
âMaybe.â you shrugged.Â
âUnbelievable! Iâm the one doing you a favor anyways.â Hyunjin said, clearly annoyed and you were reveling in it.Â
You wanted him to get the taste of his own medicine.
âIs that so?â you raised your eyebrow as he breathed hard.Â
âYes, your band is as good as dead right now, just like your career.â he said with a smug smirk, making everyone gasp.Â
âHyunjin!â Aiden scolded him and you stood up, feeling your eyes water as you lifted your hand, your palm colliding with Hyunjinâs cheek.Â
The force of your slap turned his head right and he grabbed at his cheek immediately, his eyes wide, his face becoming red quickly.
âFuck you!â you said angrily before turning around and leaving the room as tears started sliding down your cheeks.Â
âNow look at what you did!â Anthony was mad and Hyunjin shrugged with a frown, realizing quickly that maybe he did cross a line.
âHow could you say something like that to y/n?â Brendon asked, and Hyunjin looked at them, feeling dejected suddenly as he rubbed at his cheek.Â
There was strength in your hands, that he was sure of.Â
âI fucked up, okay! I didnât mean to say that.â he shook his head. âI will make this right.â Hyunjin added, standing up.Â
âDude, I think youâre the last person y/n wants to see right now.â Aiden said.Â
âBut I have to apologize to her.â Hyunjin chewed on his lip, playing with his piercing as a nervous habit.
âIâll go with you then.â Aiden nodded, standing up as well.Â
âFine.â Hyunjin sighed.Â
You sat in the swinging chair on one of the many balconies of the building, letting your tears slip down your cheeks as the wind picked up, making you shiver.Â
Hyunjin and Aiden found you pretty quickly and before Aiden could follow him to the balcony, Hyunjin smacked his hand on Aidenâs chest.Â
âPlease, just wait here.âÂ
âFine, but if you provoke her again, Iâm coming in.â Aiden sighed, shaking his head.Â
The door of the balcony opened and in the corner of your eye you saw Hyunjinâs combat boots and his leather pants.Â
âGo away.â you said quietly, sniffling and turning away from him.
Hyunjin stood frozen for a moment, holding his jacket in his hand and you took that time to quickly wipe away your tears.Â
You didnât want to look weak in front of your enemy.Â
Footsteps approached and suddenly you felt a weight on your shoulders and back.Â
You looked down, realizing that Hyunjin had put his jacket around you and it smelled like cigarettes mixed with cologne he always wears and something distinctly him.Â
You took a deep breath and for some reason, calmness settled all over your body.Â
âIâm really sorry for what I said back there. It was way out of line.â
You didnât say anything, still refusing to look at him.Â
âAnd Iâm sorry about your band. I know that must be hard to go through. I feel bad that my drummer had to leave, I donât know how Iâd feel if-â
âAre you done?â you turned to look at him and his lips pressed together.Â
âI donât care how you feel, Hyunjin. Just like you didnât care about hurting me moments ago.â you stood up, ready to throw his jacket away.Â
âWell, I apologized!â he threw his hands up, rolling his eyes. âThough, Iâm glad I have that effect on you, I didnât know you cared so much about what I think or say.â he smirked suddenly.Â
You were tempted to slap his other cheek at that moment, and Aiden mustâve sensed it so he walked out to the balcony.Â
âAre we okay?â he asked, gulping.Â
âNot until he apologizes properly.â you crossed your arms with a smirk, and he knew exactly what you meant.
âUgh! This is the first and last time I get on my knees for you.â Hyunjin said annoyingly as he kneeled down and you chuckled in delight.Â
âIâm sorry for being an asshole and if you could find it in your heart to forgive me, Iâd be honored for you to join my band.â he batted his eyelashes at you.Â
âMmâŠâ you pursed your lips, acting like you were contemplating it as he rolled his eyes again.Â
âFine. I accept.â you shrugged and Hyunjin stood up quickly with a smile.
âWelcome to the band, sweetheart!â he smirked, opening his arms for a hug and you quickly dodged under his arm and slithered away.Â
âYouâre welcome.â you smirked back, grabbing his jacket and throwing it at him.
He caught it just as you walked back into the hallway, grinning to himself as you walked away.Â
âShe wants me so bad.â Hyunjin said as Aidenâs eyebrows lifted comically.Â
âI think she wants to kill you.â he said and Hyunjin chuckled, smacking Aidenâs shoulder and grabbing him.Â
âI know what chicks like, okay?âÂ
âYou also know that y/n isnât one of your little groupies?â Aiden sighed.
âI know, donât worry. Sheâs special.â Hyunjin smiled, hugging his jacket to his chest, getting a whiff of your perfume that stayed on it.
Aiden shook his head with a chuckle.Â
This is gonna be one hell of a tour.Â
-
The party was in full swing.Â
That morning you had packed for the tour, your stomach swirling with nerves so much that you thought youâd throw up.Â
You were actually going on tour with Lycoris Radiata, for at least six months.Â
A lot can happen in that amount of time and while you were nervous to spend so much time with the infuriating and annoying asshole aka Hwang Hyunjin, you were also excited for the new experience and the places youâll get to see.
Of course, you couldnât leave without attending a âhave an amazing tourâ party that was mostly exclusive only for staff and a few other people.Â
You were on your second glass of beer as you sat at the bar, the cold bitter liquid not calming you down as it should.Â
Hyunjin was having a jolly old time, entertaining some girls of course and if you had rolled your eyes any harder, theyâd get stuck in the back of your head.Â
âDonât take that to heart.â Aiden suddenly appeared next to you.
âWhat?â you chuckled awkwardly, shaking away your thoughts.
âHyunjin flirting like that. Heâs a lot of talk, more than anything else.â
âWhy would I care if he flirts with some random girls?â you frowned. âItâs none of my business.â
âRight.â Aiden pursed his lips. âWell, Iâm gonna go find Anthony.â
âSure.â you shrugged, your eyes flying back to Hyunjin and the girls who were salivating all over him.Â
He was showing them his biceps and they were touching him like theyâve never seen a human arm in their life.Â
You scoffed, shaking your head when a voice behind you startled you.Â
âNow, why is a pretty lady such as yourself sitting all alone?âÂ
You turned around with your eyebrow lifted, coming face to face with a stranger.Â
âBecause itâs her choice.â you answered.
âOh, feisty and pretty? Thatâs a fun combo.â the guy smirked, his arm leaning on your chair, almost hugging your waist as he got closer to you.Â
Your nose scrunched up, he smelled of alcohol and you really wanted him to leave you alone.Â
âIâm pretty boring, trust me.â you said.
âOh, I donât believe that. In fact, I think if you were to let me take you home tonight, you and I could have so much fun.â he smirked and you were pretty sure you barfed in your mouth a little.
âNo, thank you.â you said sarcastically.Â
He chuckled, placing his arms around you.
You were completely unaware of Hyunjin who was keeping an eye on you and the suspicious guy.Â
As soon as the man placed his hands on you, Hyunjin pushed the girl he was talking to aside, his heavy combat boots taking him right to you and the disturbance in your personal space.
âI donât really take no for an answer.â he said and your heart sank momentarily.Â
âBack off man!â you tried to push him away but he wasnât budging.
Suddenly the guy was ripped away from you with such force that it pulled you to your feet.
You grabbed at the bar to steady yourself and gasped just in time to see Hyunjin swinging his fist at the man.Â
âOh my god!â you almost screamed, your eyes wide as the guy fell to the floor instantly.Â
People quickly gathered around and Anthony was trying to push them away so he could grab Hyunjin.Â
âThe lady said no, you fucking dirtbag!â Hyunjin said, swinging at the man again.Â
âOh my god, Hyunjin! Stop, itâs okay, please!â you panicked, never seeing him this angry or violent.Â
âHwang! Enough!â Anthony yelled, grabbing Hyunjinâs arms and lifting him up as he fought against his manager, still trying to punch the man who was now laying on the floor with his face completely bloody.Â
You kept looking at Hyunjin with a shocked expression as he breathed hard, his face red and sweaty from anger, the veins on his neck and forehead popping out.
âI stopped, now let me go.â he said through his teeth as someone lifted up the unconscious guy.
âHyunjin, if this gets out to the press it could turn into a fucking shitstorm! What the hell is wrong with you?!â Anthony yelled angrily as Hyunjin stood with his fists still clenched.Â
âHe made y/n uncomfortable and he deserved it.â Hyunjin answered before turning towards you.Â
âAre you okay?â he asked, his eyes softening as you stared at him in disbelief.
âI-Iâm fine.â
âGood. Iâm done with this party.â Hyunjin said, turning on his heel and grabbing his jacket before he walked out, leaving you standing there still trying to process what the hell just happened.
-
You were half asleep when Ana drove you to the tour bus.Â
You barely slept last night, tossing and turning in your bed as the images of Hyunjin punching that guy from the party kept swimming in your head.Â
Never has a man defended you like that and youâve never seen Hyunjin look so livid before.Â
He was usually either smirking, laughing or being a menace, ready to always annoy you but youâve never seen him actually angry.
It was kind of⊠hot, you thought before shaking it off.
You wondered why he reacted like that.
âYou okay?â Ana snapped you out of your vegetative state as you sank in the passenger seat, arms crossed and hood over your head.Â
âHm? Yeah, just sleepy.â you sat up and looked around.Â
The sun wasnât even up yet.Â
âYou can continue sleeping on the tour bus. Weâre here.â she chuckled.Â
âOh, goody.â you sighed before opening the door and walking out.
âMorning, ladies.â Anthony all but ran up to Ana, helping her with yours and her bags since sheâd be joining you too.Â
âMorning? Itâs still night.â you checked your phone, seeing it was 4:13am.Â
âNot where I come from. You see-â Anthony started.
âOkay, Iâm too asleep to listen to this.â you shook your head before strolling towards the bus.Â
You were about to just climb in and go straight to the nearest bed you could find but you heard some quiet music coming from behind the back of the bus.Â
You approached slowly and peeked around to see Hyunjin leaning on the wall, smoking and listening to some quiet music.Â
He looked up instantly, seeming like a deer caught in headlights for a short moment.Â
âRemembered to put on a jacket?â he smirked.Â
âHa ha. Very funny.â you said and he shrugged, looking away and turning the music off.Â
As he brought his cigarette to his lips, you noticed his knuckles were red and injured.Â
âI guess I should thank you for last night.â you said quietly, swinging on your feet awkwardly as you dug your hands in your pockets.Â
âIt was nothing.â he shook his head quickly.Â
âI wouldnât call that nothing.â you motioned to his hand.Â
âThis?â he looked at his hand and chuckled. âYou should see the other guy.â he winked at you, making you roll your eyes.Â
âClever.âÂ
âCome to think of it, it does hurt a bit. Wanna kiss it better?â Hyunjin smirked, puffing the smoke out.Â
âBite me.â you gave him the middle finger as he laughed, the sound ringing out in the quiet early hours.
âI might. If you ask nicely.â he said with that smug expression of his.
âIâm going inside.â you shivered, realizing how cold it actually was, ignoring his witty quips.Â
âIâm right behind ya.â he threw his cigarette on the floor before stepping on it.Â
Your heart started beating fast out of nowhere as his heavy boots stomped behind you, the sound escorting you to the entrance of the bus.Â
âOh wow.â your eyes widened as you looked around the living/kitchen area.Â
âYou like?â Hyunjin leaned over your shoulder and you jolted away from him, making him snicker.Â
âYeah, itâs⊠not what I expected. It looks more cozy than I thought it would.â you nodded.
âYou should thank the interior designer.â he wiggled his eyebrows.
âAnd who might that be?â you asked, making your way to the bunk bed area.Â
âOh, just a guy. He takes payment in kisses.â Hyunjin bumped into you as you stopped.Â
âIs that guy maybe you?â you turned around, not realizing immediately just how close Hyunjin was to you.Â
âMaybe it is.â he leaned towards you with a smirk and you squealed a little, stepping away from him.
âGive it up. Iâm taking the top bunk bed.â you pointed to the left side.Â
âNot fair! I always take that one!â Hyunjin pouted.
âTough luck, I called it first.â you smirked, taking off your jacket and throwing it up on the bed.Â
âOr⊠we can both sleep up there?â Hyunjin said and you scoffed, pushing him away.Â
âLike hell!âÂ
âAre yâall fighting this early?â Brendon came in, looking confused and disheveled.Â
âNo, itâs foreplay.â Hyunjin wiggled his eyebrows and you made gagging noises.Â
âHereâs your bag, y/n.â Ana appeared with your luggage.Â
Aiden and Anthony came in after and everyone took some time to unpack and get settled.Â
âI heard we have two pretty ladies with us, so you fellas gotta behave now.â you heard an unknown voice and leaned over to see who it belonged to.
âOh, we always behave, Stu.â Hyunjin smirked.Â
âYes, especially you.â the man, Stu, rolled his eyes.Â
âThis is our main driver Stu.â Aiden introduced you and Ana to him.Â
âPleasure to meet you ladies. Hopefully the road wonât be too bumpy.â he winked before turning around and leaving.Â
âWhere is Bradley?â Anthony piped in suddenly.
âWhoâs Bradley?â you asked, at this moment you just wanted to get everything over with and catch up on some sleep.
âOur sound guy.â Brendon answered. âAnd lights guy. He is underpaid and overworked, basically.â he added, giving Anthony a pointed look.Â
âHey, itâs not my fault Mike quit!â he lifted his hands up. âBesides, weâre picking someone up in the next town over. Heâll be our roadie along with Bradley.âÂ
As they started discussing, you slipped away to the bathroom, where you could change in peace and get ready for bed.Â
You leaned on the counter, staring at yourself in the mirror as you listened to the muffled voices talking.Â
Were you doing the right thing?Â
Accepting to join another band when your heart still hurts from the sudden falling apart between your friends and band membersâŠÂ
âY/n, I need the bathroom!â Hyunjinâs voice brought you back to reality and you stood up straight.Â
âIâm not done yet!â you yelled back. âYou have another bathroom!â you added annoyingly, preparing to brush your teeth.Â
âAiden hogged it. Are you naked or something? Cause I swear I donât mind.âÂ
You could just hear the smirk in his voice.Â
Rolling your eyes, you opened the door and Hyunjin gave you the elevator eyes and they lingered on your legs in the shorts you put on, going up to your chest and lingering again before he looked up at your face.Â
He was playing with his lip ring again, his cheeks rosy.Â
âWhat do you want?â you spat.
âJust wanna brush my teeth.â he looked at you smugly.Â
You didnât say anything, just stepped aside and continued brushing your teeth.Â
You opted to leave the door opened since it felt awkward to have them closed.Â
âIsnât this fun, us brushing our teeth together? Itâs kinda domestic, donât you think?â Hyunjin said suddenly, the familiar smirk on his face.Â
âYes, thrilling.â you answered sarcastically. âYou donât have to act nice, Hyunjin. Everyone knows we hate each other so letâs just not talk too much and try to coexist peacefully for the sake of everyone else on this tour.â
Hyunjin opened his mouth to answer but you quickly turned around and left, not wanting to get into it with him when you were tired and nervous.Â
He smirked to himself, shaking his head.Â
The only thing stuck in his brain at that moment was the way you said his name.Â
God, he loved it.Â
-
You slept for a few hours only, waking up early yet again as the bus rolled to a stop at a diner.Â
âRise and shine, princess.â Hyunjinâs head popped up in front of you as he held onto your bed.
âFuck off.â you grabbed your pillow and smacked him with it, almost making him fall down but he managed to land on his feet.Â
You heard a smack and Hyunjin saying âowâ quietly before Aiden said,
âCome down if youâre hungry.âÂ
You chuckled to yourself, waiting for them to leave so you could get ready.
Of course, as soon as you sat down in a booth, Hyunjin pushed Brendon aside and quickly slid next to you.Â
âOh my god.â you rolled your eyes.Â
You were squished between him and Ana on your other side, and he was too close for comfort.Â
You could feel the heat of his body and smell the scent of his shampoo and body wash mixed with cigarettes.Â
You tried to ignore the feelings stirring in your gut as you ordered.
âSo, how did you like sleeping on top of me?â Hyunjin smirked, tilting his head.Â
âNot as much as you liked sleeping under me, weirdo.â you scoffed at him and he chuckled.
âI liked it very much, so that must mean you liked it at least a little.â he said as the food arrived and your stomach growled.Â
âWhatever you say.â you brushed him off and started to dig in.Â
âWeâre close to our first destination.â Anthony started after a sip of coffee. âWe will arrive around 4pm and have lunch, then we get ready and do the soundcheck. Questions?â
Everyone shook their heads no.Â
You suddenly felt nervous tingles running up your spine, and for some reason Hyunjin felt it.Â
âDonât worry princess, youâll do great.â he smirked, placing his hand on top of your wrist.Â
You snatched your hand away and looked at him.Â
âI know I will, I was just wondering if youâll be able to keep up with me.â you smirked back at him.Â
âYouâll be surprised at how well I can keep up, baby.â Hyunjin leaned into your personal space, his eyes boring into yours and you felt your cheeks burning.
âBe nice, you two.â Ana chuckled.
âWhat? I haven't called him an asshole yet. Emphasis on yet.âÂ
Hyunjin laughed next to you, his arm brushing against yours.
Oh, he is so going to enjoy this.
-
It was such a good, familiar feeling to sit behind a drum kit after being the main vocalist and guitarist of your band for so long.Â
The venue was empty at this moment and the sound of the drums echoing in the space was grand.Â
You closed your eyes and started playing a groove to get into the mood and Hyunjin was lured towards the stage instantly.Â
He watched you in awe even though he saw you play the drums before, they never had the name of his band on the front of them.Â
Hyunjin felt proud; that his band has come so far and honored that you were now a part of their story.Â
He hoped youâd enjoy the tour and judging by the blissful look on your face, you were off to a good start.Â
âLetâs go, Hyun.â Brendon smacked his shoulder, pulling him back to reality.Â
It was time for the soundcheck, and when everyone was finally on stage, tuning their instruments, you realized that this is real.Â
Excitement replaced any nerves you had and you were ready to tear the stage apart.Â
âLetâs jam a little.â Aiden smiled as everyone agreed.
He started to play a melody on his bass so you followed him with the drums.
You were so focused on grooving that you didnât notice Hyunjin winking at his two other band members.
When it was time for him to start playing his guitar, Hyunjin decided to play totally out of tune.Â
You looked up at him with your brows furrowed as you tried to follow him.
He changed it up suddenly, that familiar shit eating grin spreading on his face as you followed him yet again.Â
Brendon and Aiden stopped playing as they observed the two of you, battling it out with your instruments.Â
Hyunjin was trying hard to get on your nerves, push your buttons but you werenât gonna let him in.Â
âHaving some trouble following, princess?â he yelled over the noise.Â
You looked at him pointedly as he started to play another melody that made no sense and youâve had enough.Â
Hyunjin had a way of getting under your skin and he obviously knew that.Â
Your arm lifted up on its own accord and you swung one of your drumsticks right at Hyunjin, aiming for his empty head.Â
His eyes widened and he managed to dodge it in a close second as the drumstick clattered on the floor.Â
âHa! Attempted murder! Yâall saw that!â he pointed at you, while looking at his friends and you started laughing.Â
âDonât worry, even if it did hit your head, it couldnât damage it more than it already is.â you smirked as Hyunjin huffed.Â
âOh baby, keep talking. Degradation is my thing.â he motioned towards his ear with his fingers and you made a disgusted face at him.Â
Of course, the asshole laughed at your expression.Â
âGuys, can we actually practice?â Brendon chimed in as Aiden nodded.Â
Instead of answering verbally, you started playing so everyone joined in.Â
-
âAre you nervous?â Aiden asked as the venue filled up and it all became real.
âNope, Iâm ecstatic!â you answered, twirling your drumstick in your hand.Â
âTrying to murder me once again?â Hyunjin appeared next to you as you almost hit him with it.
âTrust me, if I was trying to kill you, youâd already be dead.âÂ
âNobodyâs killing anyone, weâre already short on staff.â Anthony smirked before putting his arms around Hyunjin and Brendonâs shoulders.Â
âGood luck guys! And y/n, of course. I know yâall will do great.â Anthony smiled.Â
Ana came up to you to hug you.Â
âGood luck, babe!â she smiled.Â
âThank you.â you gave her a bone crushing hug, she was always like a sister to you and having her here now meant a lot to you.Â
As soon as you walked out on stage, the screams of all the people that came to see you perform were deafening but heartwarming.Â
Hyunjin was the main character on stage, that you were convinced of as whatever he did resulted in even louder screaming.Â
You didnât mind being the backbone of the band, playing drums to you was a meditative and transcending experience and anything you were angry or upset about, you could take it out while playing.Â
Performing with Lycoris Radiata was fun as fuck, even more than you hoped for; seeing Hyunjin up close made you realize just why people loved him so much.Â
He was charismatic, cool and lame at the same time, ethereally beautiful and down to earth, fun but sensitive, alluring but cute, he gave his all and more.Â
He was everything wrapped up in one and you wondered how that was possible.Â
A particular moment struck you; when you were playing a slower song, Hyunjin sang so delicately, his back turned to you as the lights beamed down on his frame, his sweaty hair and skin making him look like he was glowing.Â
Your heart skipped a beat but you ignored it.Â
Near the end of the show, Hyunjin did his usual routine which consisted of making everyoneâs panties wet; it was time for the sex song he always sang near the end which made you feel embarrassed and uncomfortable but something about being on stage with them got you in the right mood for it.
The part came up; and Hyunjin was on the floor, moaning and humping the air as you followed his moans with the heavy sound of your drums.Â
Hyunjin smirked, throwing his head back to look at you as he continued his ministrations and you continued following him on the drums.Â
Aiden and Brendon joined in as Hyunjin became louder, resulting in you hitting the drums harder as the sounds all came together in a crescendo.Â
You wished that you could press your thighs together to create pressure and friction because the whole thing managed to get you wet too.Â
A part of you felt ashamed but you didnât give a flying fuck in that moment, completely letting go of everything as the four of you continued jamming together.Â
Hyunjin stood up with the biggest smile on his face, winking at you as he ran a lap around the stage before literally diving into the audience.Â
You gasped to yourself but continued playing the outro to the performance while Hyunjin was being groped by horny fanboys and fangirls.Â
Security was there to pull him back up on stage safely and Hyunjin sang the end of the song before screaming a âthank youâ into the mic.Â
After all four of you bowed a hundred times, you finally ran backstage where a very sweaty Hyunjin started hugging everyone, eventually coming up to you.Â
âDonât even think about it.â you said as he opened his arms.Â
âNot thinking, just doing it.â he smirked and before you could run away, his arms wrapped around you and he pulled you into his body.Â
âEw!â you squirmed against him and he chuckled.Â
âDonât pretend you donât like it.â he held you tighter and your heart leaped out of your chest.Â
The bastard smelled so good even after sweating so much and it annoyed you how seemingly perfect he was.Â
âWhat, a gross sweaty man slobbering all over me?â you scrunched up your face as you finally pushed him away.
âI wasnât slobbering but if youâre into that-â
âPlease shut up while Iâm still in a good mood.â you stopped him and he laughed.Â
âItâs so fun messing with you, darling.â Hyunjin ruffled your hair as you practically hissed at him, making him laugh again.Â
âYou guys were fucking amazing!â Anthony yelled excitedly.Â
âI donât know about you but I need some food.â Aiden piped in.Â
âIâm feeling thirsty, honestly.â Brendon added.
âAre we partying or what?â Hyunjin smirked, wiggling his eyebrows.Â
âHell yeah, we are!â Anthony high-fived him.Â
You ended up having the afterparty in the bus, ordering some food and acquiring some beer as you sat around in the living space.Â
Of course, as soon as you walked in, you ran for the shower, with Hyunjin cascading behind you and asking if he could join you because âitâll be done fasterâ.Â
âDream about it, asshole!â you yelled before closing the bathroom door.Â
âOh, I do.â Hyunjin smirked to himself, but you didnât hear him.Â
The excitement of the performance slowly washed away from your body along with Hyunjinâs scent that lingered after he hugged you, and you felt happy and cozy.Â
All of you finally settled down to eat and Hyunjin claimed the spot next to you, of course, his long slender fingers stealing your fries constantly.
âWill you back off! You have your own fries.â you slapped his arm as he whined.Â
âYours are tastier.â he claimed with that familiar smirk of his.
âAre they now?â you smirked back.Â
âMhm.â he nodded pointedly.
âLetâs see then.â you grabbed your box and dumped all your fries into his box before mixing them up. âPick one up and distinguish if itâs from your box or mine.â
Hyunjin stared at you with his lips parted before he smiled.Â
âAw, weâre sharing.â he said and continued eating as you heard some chuckles around the table.Â
âFor fucks sake.â you muttered, shaking your head.
The rest of the night was full of chatter and laughter, and you didnât mind Hyunjinâs arm or leg brushing against you ever so often, or his loud laughter ringing in your ears or him constantly poking at you.Â
Itâs barely been one day on tour and he wasnât as unbearable as you thought heâd be.Â
Everyone was tired and you had to hit the road so it was finally peaceful, before a loud scream startled everyone.
âOh no, I am going to die!â Hyunjin wailed dramatically.
âWhatâs wrong with him?â you rolled your eyes as Aiden came in.Â
âHe lost his teddy bear.âÂ
âHe what?â you chuckled in disbelief.
âHyunjinâs teddy, he always takes it with him. Heâs had it since he was a baby and heâs convinced it brings him luck.â Aiden shrugged and Hyunjin ran into the living area.
âWe are doomed!â he said, grabbing your arms and shaking you.Â
âCalm down, it must be around here somewhere.â you sighed.
âHelp me look?â Hyunjin batted his eyelashes at you as Aiden slipped away.
âHyunjin, Iâm tired, I need to get some sleep.â you whined.Â
âMe too! But I canât sleep without my teddy.â he said, you couldnât believe he was serious. âI will crawl up to your bunk and annoy you all night if you donât help me look.â he added, smirking.
âFine, Iâll help you.â you rolled your eyes.
âWow, you donât want me in your bed at all?â he kept smirking.Â
âZip it. Letâs find your precious teddy.â
âYes!â Hyunjin scurried after you as the two of you basically did a search and rescue mission for his favorite plush.Â
Eventually, you walked into the other bathroom, finding the old teddy sitting on the counter.
âThere you are.â you picked up, chuckling at the state of it.Â
You couldnât help it as you sniffed the teddy and sure enough it smelled just like its owner.Â
âFound it!â you yelled and Hyunjin bursted in, panting and smiling.Â
âOh my god!â he exclaimed, grabbing the teddy and then you as he enveloped you in a hug for the second time that night.Â
âThank you, thank you, thank you!â Hyunjin held you tightly and you chuckled.Â
âAlright, youâre thankful, I get it. You can let go now.â you said, patting his back.Â
âI owe you.â he muttered.
âI really didnât do anything.âÂ
âYou did, trust me.â he smiled.Â
As you laid in your bunk bed that night, you couldnât stop thinking about Hyunjin.Â
He seemed somehow different or you were just now seeing different sides of him that you didnât see before.Â
You didnât hate him completely.Â
-
Ten days on tour and things were going great.Â
Every show was better than the last one, every venue bigger than the last one, every note played made Lycoris Radiata mean more and more to you.Â
Tonight was no exception as you ripped the stage once again, this time Hyunjin ended up lifting Aiden and spinning him at the end which almost made the poor man throw up from excitement.Â
âThis was Lycoris Radiata, see you next time!â and with that you ran backstage where Hyunjin had to hug everyone, even asking for a group hug.Â
You had to humor him.Â
When your head finally hit the pillow, you couldnât sleep even though you were exhausted.Â
You kept replaying one particular moment from the show in your head.Â
It was while Hyunjin was singing his famous sex song, before the moaning part, he came up to you and sang while looking at you.Â
You kept playing and looking at him intently as he sang the lewd lyrics right into your face.Â
Before he took off, Hyunjin lifted his hand, making a V shape with his fingers, doing the licking motion between them, his tongue piercing shining in the big stage light.Â
Your mouth fell agape for a moment as you felt hotness spread all over your body and he smirked smugly when you made a tiny mistake in your playing.Â
People didnât notice but he did.Â
And he was satisfied with it.Â
You couldnât stop thinking about it, and it had been a while since youâve had a little âyou timeâ but it was hard to do that with so many people in the bus.Â
Your eyes fluttered closed and you sighed, hearing some shuffling beneath you.Â
âY/n?â Hyunjin suddenly climbed up into your bed, startling you as you sat up and turned on the little light inside.Â
âW-what are you doing?âÂ
âI canât sleep. And I figured you werenât sleeping either.â Hyunjin whispered.
âAnd how did you figure that?â you clutched your blanket.Â
âYou sighed like a hundred times.â he chuckled quietly.
âWhat do you want?â you rolled your eyes with a smile.Â
âTo hang out.â he pulled out a deck of cards out of nowhere.Â
âWe canât make too much noise, weâll wake everyone up.â you shook your head.Â
âFine then weâll do something quiet.â Hyunjin smirked, tossing the cards aside and laying down next to you, his eyes closing.
âTurn the light off, sweetheart.â he cracked one eye open as you stared at him in disbelief.Â
âYou are not sleeping in my bunk. Go back downstairs.â you whispered.
âNo.â he answered simply.Â
âHyunjin, Iâm warning you, I will push you down.â
âWill you? Youâll wake up the whole bus.â he smirked.Â
âGod, youâre so annoying!â you whisper-yelled, giving up as you laid down, turning away from Hyunjin.Â
âBe nice and share your blanket.â Hyunjinâs breath hit the back of your neck, making you shiver as goosebumps rose on your skin.Â
âNeed anything else?â you muttered as he hogged your blanket and your personal space.Â
âA goodnight kiss?â Hyunjin leaned over you, peering at your face hopefully.
You gave him the side eye and he chuckled.Â
âMaybe some other time, hm?â he asked.Â
âGo to sleep.â you said and he laid down behind you.Â
âGoodnight, darling.â Hyunjin wanted to reach out and touch your hair but he figured youâd probably break his arm.Â
You didnât answer, your heart beating so hard that you were afraid it was shaking the bed and Hyunjin could feel it.Â
You quickly turned off the light and tried to calm down.
There was enough space to where he wasnât touching you but you felt his warmth, his scent, his breath on your skin.
It was driving you crazy and making you feel calm at the same time.Â
You managed to fall asleep somehow.
-
At some point, in the middle of the night, Hyunjin and you gravitated closer to each other and you ended up in his arms.Â
When you slowly blinked your eyes open and realized you were staring straight at Hyunjinâs chest, you jolted away from him, making him groan quietly.Â
âWhere you goinâ?â he mumbled into your pillow, trying to grab you.
âAs far as I can from you.â you said, wiggling out of his arm that eventually caught you as he groaned again.
âSomethingâs poking my ass.â Hyunjin gasped when he rolled over and you laughed.Â
âItâs the cards, you idiot.â rolling your eyes, you left the bunk feeling embarrassed and insane as your face heated up.Â
What are you doing, sleeping in the same bed as Hyunjin?
You hate him, right?
You werenât so sure anymore.Â
Yes, he was annoying but somehow that became kind of endearing.Â
He has bugged you every single day since the tour started and if he suddenly stopped, itâd feel weird.Â
You sighed, shaking off your thoughts as you grabbed your phone, munching on your breakfast.Â
âMorning, y/n. Tell me am I crazy or did Hyunjin sleep over in your bunk?â Ana smirked at you as she brought two coffees.Â
âYou are crazy. But yes, he slept in my bunk.â you said.Â
âInteresting.â she smirked, lifting one eyebrow up.Â
âHey, I saw you sleeping in Anthonyâs bunk multiple times. Whatâs that about?â you teased as you opened up your insta.Â
âWell, everyone knows we have a thing for each other. You and Hyunjin though⊠oh yeah, you have a thing too.âÂ
âWe donât have a thing.â you quickly said as Ana chuckled.Â
âRight. Mhm.âÂ
You continued scrolling, and thatâs when you noticed it; the hate comments on your posts.Â
âSheâs just a slut whoâs after Hyunjinâ
âSheâs delusional if she thinks heâd like her like sheâs ugly lmaoâ
âUntalented bitchâ
âGet her away from my Hyunjinâ
âShe deserved her band falling apart they were shit anywaysâ
âY/n should retire from the music sceneâ
Your eyes started stinging with tears as you skimmed through the comment section.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â Ana tilted her head to look at you.Â
You slid your phone to her and she gasped.Â
âYou know these people are probably some jealous, unsuccessful suckers.â she said.Â
âI need some air.â you sucked in a breath before hurriedly leaving the bus.Â
âWhatâs with her?â Hyunjin walked in. âIs she mad at me?â
âNo, look.â Ana showed him your phone.Â
Hyunjin frowned instantly, running out of the bus after you.Â
You stood not too far away with a cigarette in your hand as you hugged yourself with your other arm and Hyunjinâs eyes softened when he saw you shivering in the wind.
âI knew youâd forget to bring a jacket.â Hyunjin put his leather jacket around you, smoothing his hand over your back a few times.Â
You exhaled a puff of smoke, not answering him as you melted into his big jacket.Â
Hyunjin took out a cigarette for himself and you reached out with your lighter, lighting it up as he smirked.Â
âSince when do you smoke?â he asked.
âWell, Iâm feeling extra stressed right now so I needed something to take the edge off.â you shrugged.Â
âBecause of the comments?âÂ
âI donât wanna talk about them.âÂ
âIâm sorry.â Hyunjin sighed.Â
âItâs not your fault.â you said.Â
âI feel like it is.âÂ
Hyunjin was standing so close to you that his arm was touching yours while both of you continued smoking.
You stood silently next to each other for a few more moments as the clouds passed you by, and slowly but surely Hyunjin closed the gap between your hands as he touched yours briefly before he wrapped his pinky around yours.Â
âHey, you know Iâm honored youâre part of my band.â his tone was serious and you couldnât bear to look at him or youâd burst into tears.Â
âI know.â you smiled as you kept looking into the distance.Â
He smiled too, his eyes focused on you.
Hyunjin had your back; and that was a pinky promise.
-
Finally, you arrived to your next destination, and youâd be there for a few days which meant you had to check into a hotel.Â
You were glad to have some time to yourself, you needed a real shower and a real bed and just some time to get away from everything, recharge your batteries.Â
You just finished with your shower and skincare when your phone annoyed you, buzzing with texts constantly.Â
When you grabbed it you realized that you forgot to change Hyunjinâs name from âassholeâ.Â
You laughed to yourself, deciding to just add a little heart at the end.Â
asshole<3: y/n what are you doing
asshole<3: why arenât you answering
asshole<3: iâm BOREEEED
asshole<3: y/n!!!!Â
asshole<3: princess?
asshole<3: iâm coming to your room
âShit!â you exclaimed just in time when Hyunjin knocked on your door.
âGo away, Hyunjin!â you yelled on the other side.Â
âNever! I will wake the whole damn floor if you donât open this door.â he banged against it.Â
âSpoiled brat.â you muttered to yourself before opening the door.Â
âOh.â Hyunjin looked you up and down, your hair still wet from the shower, your little nightgown accentuating all your goodies.Â
âDid you dress up for me?â he smirked as his tongue darted out to play with his lip piercing; a habit you picked up on.
âOh yeah, I was just waiting for you to come knocking on my door.â you answered sarcastically.
âOh come on, I brought snacks.â he lifted up a few bags.Â
âYou shouldâve said that first.â you stepped aside, letting him in.Â
âSo, are you here just because youâre bored?â you scoffed as he practically skipped to your bed before throwing himself on it.Â
âNo, Iâm here cause I know you miss me.â he smirked at you. âI spared you the walk to my room, princess.âÂ
âOh yeah, I am the one who missed you.â you said pointedly.Â
âI know you are.â he wiggled his eyebrows and you groaned, throwing a pillow at him but the slick bastard caught it.Â
âIâm gonna change into something else.â you said, feeling a bit self-conscious.Â
âInto what? After that outfit, the only logical thing is to have nothing on.â
âWouldnât you like that?â you snickered.Â
âI would.â he smirked.Â
âChanging right now!â you left for the bathroom to put on some actual pjs.Â
âDonât cross this line, Hyunjin.â you pointed as the two of you settled in your bed, ready to watch a movie and snack.Â
He smiled his shit eating grin and put his finger over the line.Â
âWhoops, crossed it.â
âNext time you lose a finger.â you threatened.
âWhere is it gonna be misplaced?â he smirked.Â
âNot where you think.â
âYou donât know what Iâm thinking.â he leaned closer to you. âBut I can show you.â
âNo thanks. Just watch the movie.âÂ
It was quiet for some time until Hyunjin spoke up.Â
âIâm thinking of getting another tattoo.â
âOh?â you didnât take your eyes off the screen. âWhere?â
âMy back. I wanna finish what I started with my arm and shoulder.â he answered.Â
âWhich is?â you looked at him and he smirked.Â
âGlad you asked.â he said, taking his shirt off.Â
âWoah, woah, what are you doing?â you jolted as he tossed it aside.Â
âShowing you my tattoos.â he giggled. âSee, itâs one big picture. I sketched the original on my paper, itâs a flowerâs life story. From a little seed all the way to the dust it becomes after it wilts forever. Itâs not finished yet though.â he turned and you gulped.Â
âThatâs a beautiful thought actually.âÂ
âFeel the flowers.â Hyunjin turned his shoulder to you.Â
âIâm not gonna touch your tattoos.â you said.Â
âCome on, you know you want to.â he taunted you.Â
âNo, I donât.â you shook your head.Â
âYes, you do. You started ogling me as soon as I took my shirt off.â
âThatâs because of your musc- nothing, nevermind.â you quickly caught yourself, biting your tongue as your face started burning.Â
âBecause of what? My muscles? You like them?â he started flexing immediately.
âThatâs disgusting, stop acting like that.â you slapped his arm without thinking and you both froze.Â
âOh.â Hyunjin smirked before taking your hand in his. âReally, I want you to feel my tattoos.âÂ
âFine if it gets you to shut up.âÂ
Your fingers gently traced the delicate art on Hyunjinâs skin, starting from his wrist up his arm as you watched goosebumps rise on his skin.Â
You took your time to trace every leaf and petal as Hyunjin looked at you intently, his breaths coming out shaky as you traced over his arm, your fingers swirling with the intricate patterns.Â
Your hand came up to his shoulder as you continued tracing, his skin was so smooth and he was so warm under your touch.Â
âY/n.â Hyunjin whispered, his hand covering yours as he leaned in closer to you, his eyelids hooded.Â
Your eyes widened when you realized he was about to kiss you and you quickly moved away.Â
âWhat the hell are you doing?!â you stood up and Hyunjin frowned at you.Â
âWhat does it look like Iâm doing?!âÂ
âTrying to get into my pants!â you scoffed. âI think you should sleep in your room.â
âB-but, itâs not like that!â Hyunjin stood up and you backed away.
âI know what itâs like. Please leave.âÂ
âFine.â Hyunjin looked dejected as he grabbed his phone and shirt. âTeddy is lonely without me anyways.â he said, making a theatrical leave out of your room as he dragged his feet and kept giving you pointed looks.Â
You were almost close to telling him he can stay, but as soon as he leaned in, you panicked and didnât know how to react so you kept your mouth shut.
And you continued spiralling when he left, thinking about if he actually likes you or just wants to fuck you like he does to any girl.Â
Youâve seen him with girls on his arms constantly and while you always thought what you felt was hate or disgust; in this moment you recognized it was jealousy and it didnât feel good at all.
taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @hwanghyunjinismybae @jehhskz @porangporangmeong @laylasbunbunny @laughatdanger @jeonginslefthand @sapphirewaves @s3ungm1nxxl0ve @painterhyunjin @starlost-mochi-x @saintcosette @ooshyana @frehyun @scarlet789 @skzdust @simpforleeknaur @schniti-is-in-the-house
part 2
#stray kids x reader#stray kids#stray kids smut#skz smut#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin smut#skz x reader#stray kids hyunjin#hyunjin scenarios#hyunjin imagines#hyunjin fluff#hyunjin x y/n#hyunjin x you#hwang hyunjin x reader#hwang hyunjin smut#hwang hyunjin fluff#hyunjin skz#skz imagines#skz scenarios#skz fluff#hyunjin stray kids
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(not) lost and found pairing: reader x sistersfiancé!rafe synopsis: when reader has to return her sister's shoes, she sees her fiancé again. this time, in a different state than before. warnings: hurt and comfort, reader stitches up rafe wc: 1.5k
people have been wanting me to write more for them and i've been meaning to i swear!! just haven't gotten around to it lmao but more interesting stuff for this pairing is coming
"jenny, no." you sighed exasperatedly into your phone, "i already told you, no. i'm doing homework."
"but it's technically your fault?"
"how is it my fault that your drunk ass left your damn shoes in my car?" you scoff, and if it wasn't so typical of jenny, you wouldn't be able to believe the nerve she'd have to even say it was your fault that she was too drunk that she couldn't even remember to take her shoes.
"just take them to my place, alright! i'm on a trip right now and i don't need your shit."
"i'm not a damn lost and fo-"
before you could finish your sentence, your sister had hung up on you, and although you tried to call her again, she wouldn't answer. the bitch was ignoring you, as usual.
so, that was how you ended up driving to the house your sister shared with her fiancé while rain was pouring down the sky, your windshield wipers working overtime to make sure you'd get there without slipping off the road.
when you finally parked in front of the house you'd been at only a few days prior, you leaned the back of your head against the headrest, gazing at the lit-up windows of the home. you wanted so badly to not be jealous of the life she had, to not give her the satisfaction of knowing how much you'd always envied her; envied the way your parents had always preferred her, how you'd always felt more like a burden to them than a child.
taking a hit from a vape pen and tossing it to the passenger side of your car, you breathed out the vapor before getting out of the car, slamming the door closed behind you, flimsily holding onto your older sister's louboutins, a petty part of you wanting to accidentally drop them to the ground as you made your way to the door.
but when you reached the door, lifting your hand to knock on the door, you noticed it was slightly ajar. with furrowed brows, you stepped inside, your ears filling with the noise of loud shouts and sounds of glass breaking.
you placed down the heels as quietly as possible, pulling your phone out and dialing 911, holding the phone close to your chest as you walked closer and closer to the source of the noise, prepared to press call.
but what you came across caused your brows to furrow.
jenny's fiancé's back was facing you as he threw a vase on the ground, the smashing noise ringing in your ears as you brought your hands to cover them.
"fucking bitch!"
you didn't know what to do, simply watching the man throw a picture into the ground, the glass of the picture frame blending in with the glass from the vase. what used to be jenny's glamorous living room now looked like it was one of those rooms people go to smash up old electronics and plates, just missing the graffiti on the walls, but in place of them were a few fist-shaped holes.
when rafe picked up a glass of amber liquid to his lips, you figured it'd be your best chance to make your presence known, so you cleared your throat, saying his name in a soft voice. "rafe?"
the man turned to look at you, letting out a soft, dry chuckle as you pursed your lips, looking around at the wrecked room. "what are you doing here? is your sister drunk again? 'cause if she is, she can sleep on the fuckin' lawn for all i care."
"no, she just left her shoes and..." you shook your head, taking a few, wary steps towards the man, pocketing your phone. "what's up? did something happen with...?"
"your sister?" rafe let the now-empty glass fall to the ground, a few drops of whiskey now decorating the pile of glass as it smashed, rafe collapsing onto the ground, leaning his head against the back of the formerly-immaculate white couch, that now seemed to be covered in red wine. "that'd be the understatement of the century."
you noticed a gash on his arm, a rather large piece of glass sticking out, red blood staining his white sweater, "rafe, you're bleeding."
the man chuckled, looking down at the cut and shaking his head, "i didn't even notice. woops."
"let me go get my stuff."
"it's really-"
"shut up." you say sharply, rushing outside to your car.
you were kneeling next to rafe, the man pressing a cloth to where the piece of glass had been lodged in while muttering something under his breath while you poured disinfectant onto another cloth. "this is gonna sting, but if you're gonna be a baby about it, i'm gonna let you bleed out."
rafe let out a small, nearly inaudible chuckle and the ends of your lips twitched slightly upwards, "i'm pretty sure i'm not gonna feel it with how much whiskey-"
his sentence was interrupted by a loud hiss he let out when you took away the cloth he'd been holding against his arm, starting to press the one with disinfectant against the wound, your lips curving into a proper smile.
"is my pain funny to you?"
"no." you looked at rafe to see a small smile on his lips, "it turns me on."
rafe let out a guffaw at your statement, shaking his head as you began putting monofilament thread onto the curved needle, the man's brows furrowing as he watches. "how do you even know how to do all this?"
"you don't know?" you let out a chuckle, "of course, why would i assume my dear sister ever speaks about anything other than herself. i'm studying to be a doctor."
"i didn't know that." rafe watched as you brought the needle to his wound, "have you done stitches before?"
"on fake skin." you shrug, starting to stitch up his wound, "so, why did you do all this? you're lucky that thing didn't lodge any deeper."
"i could've just gone to an actual hospital."
"yeah, but wouldn't you rather give your future sister-in-law some practice?" you said, not noticing the way rafe was gazing at you, your tongue peeking out, your brows furrowed in a way that caused small wrinkles to appear on your forehead. "spill."
rafe let out an exasperated sigh, looking away from you, instead focusing on all the broken glass on the ground. he'd have to figure out a way to fix it before jenny got home.
"your sister's cheating on me."
a small oh left your lips as you continued.
"i saw texts on her phone before she left. she told me she was going on a work trip for the law firm she's interning with but she's currently at some hotel with the guy she's seeing."
"she... she always told me she was going out with you, at least once a week, but i'm starting to realize it's not true, is it?"
you chewed on your lower lip as you continued stitching the wound, letting out a soft, quiet, "i'm sorry, rafe. i see her like, once a year on christmas."
rafe nodded his head slightly, "lucky you." the man chuckled dryly, "it all just... made me feel like i'm not enough. that no matter what, the people around me are gonna keep betraying me. that i can never trust anyone."
you let out a soft, humorless chuckle. "i know how that feels."
"you do?" rafe looked down at you, as you finished tying the end of his suture, cutting the thread.
you sat up straight, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear as you started packing away your stuff. "everyone's always preferred jenny over me. everyone's always picked her over me. my parents always preferred her. every guy i liked always thought she was prettier. all my friends always thought she was cooler." you chew on your lower lip, your throat starting to hurt from the emotion you were trying to hold back, avoiding his gaze, "my entire life, i spent living in her shadow. my entire life i've been 'jenny's sister' and nothing else."
"that can't be true."
"you know what my parents' reaction was when i got into med school?" you chuckled dryly, your eyes turning glassy as you finally looked to rafe, "'that's great sweetie. anyway, did you hear that jenny got engaged? her ring is so gorgeous. oh, and she's doing so well in law school!'" you mimicked your mother's voice, letting out a sigh. "and jenny thrives from it. she's always loved that she's better than me. even as kids, she did everything she could to one-up me."
"she's not." rafe took your shaking hand in his, enveloping it in his larger one, "you just stitched up a half-stranger when you could've just left when you saw me destroying shit. your sister would never do something that selfless. i don't even think she has a selfless bone in her body."
"you're starting to sound like me." you let out a chuckle, shaking your head, "how come you're engaged to her, then?"
"maybe i don't have any either." rafe shrugs, "but i'm not letting her get away with this. i'm not someone to be messed with."
"that sounds ominous."
"you have no idea." he smiles, squeezing your hand.
#rafe cameron#outer banks#rafe cameron x reader#drew starkey#outer banks fanfiction#rafe fanfiction#rafe x reader#rafe outer banks#outer banks rafe#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe x you#rafe fic#rafe imagine#outerbanks rafe#rafe obx#outer banks fic#rafe cameron obx#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron x you
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MISTLETOE
synopsis: Ugly sweaters, roasting marshmallows, filling stockings, and visiting the marketsâ Christmas is all about tradition, right? After years of spending the holidays away from home, you and Haechan revive your favourite Christmas tradition, and perhaps adopt a new one too.
wc: 2k
pairings: (v slight) brothers bsf! haechan Ă fem! reader
genre: fluff
warnings: one(?) swear word
notes: was feeling homesick, so I wrote this, kinda different to how I usually write, I think
also big love to my cute mooties @winwintea + @suzayaaa for reading this for me (and fixing up my horrific grammar đ« ) ily so much đ«¶đ«¶
It's the most beautiful time of the year
Lights fill the streets, spreading so much cheer
It was a chilly evening, just a week before Christmas, and you were curled up on the couch in your grandmother's home.
It was traditionâ the lead-up to Christmas spent in this small cottage that had just the right amount of space for your huge family game nights and bake offs. You take a moment to look around.
The soft glow of the Christmas tree lights filled the room, the one you'd helped decorate the second it hit December first, and the fireplace crackled beside you, comforting, cosy, and beautifully nostalgic.
This was the first Christmas you'd been able to spend with your folks in years.
It was only fair you felt the warmth of the living room wrap around you, grounding you in a way that felt both familiar and comforting, You missed this. Somehow you still felt a smile tugging at your lips as you thought back to last year.
Christmas dinner with your flatmates had been a disasterâburnt potatoes and a mystery bird in the oven that you still werenât sure was chicken or turkey, potentially neither.
A total fail, you had to admit, but you sure did have the best honey glazed carrots of your life. It was a warm feeling, and perhaps in some strange way, you almost missed it, but nothing could compare to being home.
You really had missed this.
âThat happy to see me, huh?â
You hadn't realised when he'd walked through the doorâ which considering you were currently home alone spoke volumes about your lack of spatial awareness, but you recognised him in an instant.
Black wavy hair parted roughly through the middle, specks of white scattered across his face and melting into his black coat, you'd recognise that face anywhereâ Lee Haechan.
The guy who spent a few too many nights in your childhood home, playing video games, lounging around and crashing on the couch every so often.
Time seems to have treated him well, because if he wasn't before, he was cute as fuck now, and you certainly weren't ashamed to stare. Although your increasingly pink cheeks certainly didn't do you any favours even if you had intended to hide that fact.
âHaechan, it's been a while.â You spoke, making one swift move to hoist yourself up off the couch and make your way towards him.
âToo long, apparently, you haven't called me that in yearsâ
Heâs right, and though it's been months since you saw him, you still recognise the slither of hurt that lingers in the space between you.
Sure, you had stayed in touch through one too many spontaneous video calls, but something about seeing him in person again had you scratching the back of your neck.
You laugh awkwardly. Finally reaching the space in front of him you wipe your sweaty palms across the ugly Christmas sweater that your grandma had forced you to wear, âRight, Hyuck, how could I forget.â
You feel his arm wrap around you, a hug tighter and warmer than you'd ever shared, one you return with your own arms wrapped loosely around his neck.
âSo what's got you all smiley?â
You shake your head, dismissive, but Haechanâs gaze presses further for an answer.
âJust glad to be back homeâ you respond, eyes raking over every familiar detail of the room you loved so much.
âYeah,â he does the same, noticing how your hair's grown a little since you last spoke. âI'm glad you're back too.â
And something tells you that his words come from a place far beyond standard courtesy.
Now Haechan wouldn't openly admit it, but Christmas without you hadn't been the same.
For starters, you were a pro hot chocolate maker, a self-acclaimed, but totally deserved title, even if you did put the marshmallows on top of the cream instead of under it where they could melt.
You had always defended yourself saying it looked cuter, and who was Haechan to argue with that. He chuckles at the thought.
And how could he forget those cookies, the cookies you made every year, but still happened to burn a batch of, each time you baked them. God, he swore last Christmas he'd have done anything for one of those.
Haechan had realised how much those small details could change everything.
And if he was really being honest, Mark's hot chocolate wasn't anywhere near as good as yours, and it sure as hell didn't come with cookies.
But more than that, Haechan had just missed you.
He missed the tacky jokes you made and the ring of your laughter across the house.
He missed the way you'd walk into a room and make it feel instantly brighter or how you would show up in a Santa suit on Christmas Eve, dishing out toys to the children on the street like candy on Halloween.
Perhaps he was a little crazy, loving the constantly sniffling, snotty version of you that was always sick around this time of yearâ a little out of the ordinary for thinking you looked beautiful, even with a strap-on beard and a fake belly, but it was the truth.
And it was a truth he was happy to live with.
The festive season felt incomplete when you weren't around. It felt like a Christmas tree without the star on topâ like everything was just a touch less magical without you.
Haechan realises he's been thinking for a while, a suspiciously long while. And only now did he realise just how empty the house seemed, too quiet for your family, that somewhere along the way had become his too, to not be around.
âHow come you're alone?â
âI was nappingâ You smiled meekly âand they left to check out the Christmas markets in the town over.â
Haechan nodded. You'd give up anything for your naps so he didn't find himself surprised, just strangely chirpy knowing you hadn't changed since the last he saw you. Which really wasn't so long ago, but still enough for the awkwardness to resettle between you.
âI don't suppose they'll be back any time soon,â he says, not even waiting for you to agree, âso it's just you and me.â
He tries his hardest not to let on just how much he's losing his mind, but God it's hard when you're smirking up at him like that.
Mark would probably kill him if he ever found out just how badly he wants to wipe the smug expression right off your lips. Haechanâs sure it violates some sort of bro-code, wanting to kiss your best friend's little sister, but then again Mark wasn't here to stop him.
âDidn't think my company was that bad.â
Maybe he had tried a little too hard.
You expect some smart response, maybe a little teasing, but instead, Haechan pulls you back up off the couch you'd just sunk back down on.
"Letâs goâ Haechan glances up at you with a mischievous smile.
You raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Go? Where?"
"You'll see,â he shrugs, âunless you'd rather stay homeâ
Haechan was always full of surprises, and you couldn't fight back your smile. âAs long as you're not planning to kill me.â
His eyes sparkled with excitement, and you couldn't help but laugh as he practically dragged you out the door. Not before making sure you were warm by forcibly tying a scarf around your neck though. It was sweet really.
It was snowing lightly outside, the ground covered in a soft blanket of white.
Haechan had firmly clasped his hand in yours, your breath creating little clouds in the frosty air. The tip of your nose was slowly blushing a light pink, your eyes growing glossy from the cold, the oversized scarf almost swallowing you whole. To make matters worse, you were practically waddling over the snow, taking cautious steps so as not to fall, and Haechan couldn't help but find it so incredibly cute.
The town was alive with holiday spirit â the streetlights twinkled, shop windows were adorned with festive displays, and the sound of Christmas carols filled the air. Your eyes wandered the streets, but his were stuck firmly on you.
Finally, after a short walk, you arrived at a quaint little ice skating rink tucked away in the corner of the park. It was charming, with those adorably tacky lights strung along the perimeter and a big, sparkling Christmas tree in the center. The rink was surprisingly quiet for a holiday evening, you almost preferred it that way.
Haechan grinned, already pulling you toward the ticket booth. "I thought we could try reviving an old tradition," he said, his eyes bright with excitement. "You up for it?"
You chuckled, suddenly realising just how much you missed thisâ his spontaneity, his joy, and that infectious energy of his. "You know Iâm still terrible at ice skating, right?"
"I know," he teased, giving you a light nudge. "But thatâs part of the fun."
You rolled your eyes playfully, following after him. After getting your skates, Haechan laced up his own and then did the same for you, his touch gentle as he tied your laces, his face soft with affection. Exactly like the old times.
âReady?â he asked, standing up and offering you a hand.
For a moment you were sure you'd make a fool of yourself, fall face flat on the ice, or go flying across the rink. But as soon as you stepped onto the rink, Haechanâs hand reached out to hold yours.
âYou know letting go of the railings might help a littleâ he chuckles, âtrust me I won't let you fall.â
It was all so familiar, his constant encouragement, your consistent failure to skate for more than a metre before crashing into something.
Yet it still felt so different.
It wasn't until you crashed into someone that you heard Haechan's laughter echoing, watching you apologise with a doting grin on his face.
Maybe letting go of your hand wasn't the wisest idea.
"Donât worry, just lean on me," he said, his voice soft and filled with affection.
And lean you did. You found yourself clinging to him more than you thought you would, but it felt natural. He made everything seem easier.
âY'know, you really suck hyuckâ You rolled your eyes at him.
He grinned, in true Haechan fashion, finding hilarity in your frustration, âHey that rhymed.â
âHow are you so good at everything?â You huff, almost crossing your arms before he stops you, steadying you as you were beginning to fall.
âSee I can't even be bitter about it without needing your helpâ
He shrugged playfully. "That's the point."
You roll your eyes again, and you swear you watch Haechanâs eyes light up even more.
âAlright moody, why donât we take a breather?â He laughs lightly, steering you toward the edge of the rink with a teasing smile.
Haechan wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close as the snow continued to fall gently around you. The city lights flickered in the distance, and sure you still couldn't ice skate to save your life, but in that moment, your heart swelled with warm content.
"This is perfect," you murmured, leaning your head against his shoulder.
"Iâm glad you think so," Haechan replied softly, his voice just a little breathless.
He tilted his head, and for a moment, you thought he might say something more. But then, instead of speaking, he leaned in, brushing a soft kiss against your forehead. The gesture was simple but full of meaning.
"Can I ask you something?" he said, pulling back slightly to look at you, his eyes bright.
"Anything," you replied, heart racing a little.
He began with a playful grin, pointing upwards, where a small sprig of mistletoe hung above you, "How about we start a new Christmas tradition? Every year, just you and me."
Your heart skipped a beat. It wasnât an official proposal or anything, but the sentiment felt just as deep. Haechan, always so carefree, was suggesting something that made you feel warm inside.
Without hesitating, you nodded. "How could I say no?"
And then, without another word, Haechan leaned in, kissing you gently under the mistletoe.
When you pulled away, you both smiled content, knowing that this was just the beginning of many more Christmases together. You'd always spent Christmas together, but perhaps this moment had redefined just what that meant.
âYou know,â he whispered, his lips curling into a playful grin, âthis is definitely going to be my favorite Christmas tradition.â
You couldnât agree more.
#haechan x y/n#haechan x you#haechan x reader#haechan fluff#nct x female reader#nct x oc#nct x y/n#nct x you#nct x reader#nct 127 x you#nct 127 x reader#nct dream x y/n#nct dream x oc#nct dream x female reader#nct dream x you#nct dream haechan#nct fluff#nct dream fluff#nct 127 fluff#donghyuck x reader#lee donghyuck#nct dream donghyuck#nct drabbles#nct haechan#haechan
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A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 4
(Ep1+2 | Ep3)
Hiii, I'm back at it again <3
I'm not gonna write a proper introduction this time around. You know the drill. Enjoy!
(And if you're new here, feel free to check out my posts on the other episodes linked above first.)
To recap: Last time we saw Style, he had just been left lying on the cold hard ground with a punch to the gut after having hooked up with Fadel in a random storage room. Just like at the end of ep2, at the end of ep3 they did not part on the best of terms either.
Pronoun situation: In my first meta post I kept up with their pronoun use on a scene by scene basis. Just like in ep3, I won't do that in ep4 either because they consistently use the rude guu/mueng pronouns for each other throughout the entire episode without any significant pronoun changes.
No. 1: Blissful Dreams
Even though the hook-up ended rather painfully for Style, and even though the hook-up itself may not have been quite what Style dreamed of, it's still left quite a mark on him. So much so, that he even dreams about it that night. So much so, that this dream even affects him in real life the next morning.
"Crap," Style swears. This wasn't the plan. Style may have a bit of a problem now. And over the course of this episode we'll find out just how much of a problem Style actually has now, because the dream hasn't only affected him physically, but the reality that inspired the dream has also affected him emotionally.
No. 2: Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
The majority of the interactions Style has had with Fadel so far have ended with Fadel either forcing Style to leave (even to the point of physically dragging him away) or with Fadel abandoning Style. Even if from Style's perspective it may not seem like his actions have much of a positive effect on Fadel, I think deep down he does sense that he's managing to worm his way into Fadel's life after all. In any case, Style is not giving up no matter how many times Fadel will ditch him. However, since none of the strategies he's tried so far have seemed to really bear fruit, he now changes course again: disappear for a bit, so that he'll miss you. This strategy works exceptionally well, but Style won't know about it until about two thirds into the episode.
No. 3: Blue-Balled
Despite his resolution to stay away from Fadel to make him miss him, Style fails to hold out for long and is back rather sooner than later. As @secriden points out, Style "comes running to Fadel the second he hears about Fadel asking about him" (quoted from @secriden). Style even explicitly says that he hadn't planned on stopping by, but then "some auntie told me someone asked about me". Style has tried out a new strategy that he hasn't gone with before, learned that it actually did have some sort of affect on Fadel, and immediately rushes to confirm this for himself. Within the first 30 seconds (20 seconds, to be exact!) of Style entering the kitchen he asks Fadel twice if Fadel has missed him. It's literally the second and the fifth sentence out of his mouth when he shows up. This is important info to Style, he needs to know if Fadel has missed him and he needs to know immediately. Style has already started to develop positive feelings towards Fadel over the course of episode 3 and their little storage room fling has influenced that development even more. Style needs to know if Fadel feels the same way. In fact, he downright assumes that Fadel feels the same way: it's in the way he is so satisfied and smug when he walks through the door. Style is very happy about this.
Fadel, however, shoots him down. Style's smile fades, but I don't think it's necessarily because he's hurt or disappointed or wasn't expecting this reaction. No, Fadel has reacted like this to about 90% of the things Style has said to him the entire time they've known each other. Style backs up a bit, but the way he looks at Fadel seems curious, like he's searching for something, like there is a question on his mind. Why does he STILL keep insisting like this, why does he STILL go for rejection when evidence points to the opposite?
Reminder: Last time the two of them saw each other, Style was way out of line and Fadel ended up punching him. Style was also quite upset that Fadel would sleep with him and immediately ditch him. In their last meeting, they didn't part on the best of terms.
So Fadel claims he didn't miss Style (despite evidence saying otherwise) and that Style annoys him because he messes up Fadel's routine and Style thinks about it for a moment, contemplates what Fadel's problem could be with him this time that could make him act like that and then comes to a conclusion as to what it might be:
He lets Fadel know that he's not angry at him for what happened the night before. When Style says "I was asking for it", I'm not entirely convinced he's referring to his unserious behavior at the group meeting. I'm not sure he's actually realized that his behavior was disrespectful. After all, he was "rewarded" with sex for it. Plus, the next thing he says is: "[I]t doesnât matter how scary you are". I think this refers to their confrontation and verbal exchange right around Fadel punching Style. I already touched on Style not being scared of Fadel in my ep 3 meta:
Fadel threatens to punch Style if he doesn't move but Style refuses to stand down even though he knows very well from personally witnessing it that Fadel is perfectly capable of punching him if he wished to. Despite that, Style is not scared of Fadel. [...] When Style says "You like me" I don't think he necessarily means it in the sense of you're in love with me or you're crushing on me. I think he [...] is making it very clear just how confident he is about Fadel not hurting him. [...] It's a counterattack to Fadel's threat.
(Bolded for emphasis)
Style was very fearless the night before, which is why I think when Style says "I was asking for it" he's referring specifically to how Fadel was threatening him and how Style put up a fight in response. He "was asking for it", because he didn't move out of Fadel's way despite Fadel making it very clear what the consequences of Style's stubbornness would be. Fadel got scary in their last meeting, and now Style tells him "[I]t doesnât matter how scary you are, Iâm hooked". While in episode 3 the "I'm not scared of you" was implicit in his actions, Style now tells him explicitly in words.
If you've read my episode 3 meta, you'll know that a running theme throughout the entire post ended up being the question of whether Style really meant all the things he said (esp the flirty things) or if it was all just empty words. Here in the kitchen? Style means every single word, every flirty sentence that he utters. In episode 3, when he bugs Fadel at the running track or when he tells Fadel that he likes and wants him right before they hook up at the end of the episode, there is such an air of loudness to his demeanor. In contrast, when Style tells Fadel "I'm hooked" and asks him what he has to do to win him over, there is much more tranquility to it. Even his voice is calmer, there is no trace of his usual dramatic flair. Style is much more grounded here compared to some of his flirting (attempts) in previous episodes.
Style is being serious when he says "[I]t doesnât matter how scary you are, Iâm hooked", he really means it. But Fadel only looks at him for a moment, squints his eyes briefly, and wordlessly directs his focus back on his herbs, signaling to Style Yeah sure whatever, I don't care, you're a burden and an inconvenience to me. This is yet another very predictable reaction and Style isn't surprised by it, but he's definitely a little annoyed now that he's still not getting through to Fadel, that Fadel still won't admit that he does want Style around and has started taking a liking to him. So Style leans closer to Fadel again and asks what it will take for Style to win him over. Again, Style is being serious about it, his usual over the top flair is missing. He isn't doing this for show, he's not playing anything up because someone else asked him to or because he'll gain something out of it. Style is asking because he genuinely wants to know for no one but himself. Style genuinely cares now.
But Fadel tells Style to fuck off. Not literally, of course (his actual words are "Get out of my face"), but "fuck off" is certainly the subtext of it. And that subtext reaches Style clear as day. Instead of following Fadel's order, he's gonna be a little shit about it now.
"Fuck", you say? Gladly. Malicious compliance with the subtext. Style walks around the table. "I know a guy like you just needs a little nudge."
Again, this time around I do think Style means all the flirty shit that he says. It's in the way his tone is much more calm and quiet and how everything he says is much more deliberate, much more calculated. It's a similar vibe to that time in the gym when he told Fadel to call him any time if he needed a spotter, which, if you've read my first meta post of this series, is a scene you'll know I've determined to be the first time Style genuinely flirts with Fadel for the purpose of flirting and not for any other motivations such as revenge. And now here in the kitchen he's also flirting for the purpose of flirting again. His words aren't just empty words.
Another way we can tell that Style genuinely wants to get into Fadel's pants right there and then is by the way he gets handsy. In episode 3 he doesn't really touch Fadel when he spouts all the sexual innuendos at him at the running track. The only time Style touches him in that scene is when he squeezes Fadel's man boob in order to emphasize the word "heart". Or in the storage room, even though he claims to want Fadel, Style doesn't touch Fadel either during that entire conversation before they get it going. In fact, the only time he touches Fadel before Fadel starts kissing him is to remove Fadel's hand from him. In contrast, the sauna scene in episode 2 showed us that when Style actually, genuinely wants to sleep with Fadel, he'll start touching Fadel in suggestive places, will even go as far as shamelessly stick his hands down Fadel's pants (or, uh, towel in that case). And even though he didn't exactly get handsy with Fadel at the work-out bench, despite my claims of this interaction being the very first time he genuinely flirts with Fadel, well... Style may have not been handsy, but he sure got kneely:
In the kitchen in episode 4 every flirty thing Style says is an attempt at getting into Fadel's pants again (Oh, how very much the storage room fling has left its mark on Style!). Style genuinely wants this, genuinely wants him. Every single one of Style's actions underlines that as well. And then Fadel actually maneuvers him onto the kitchen table. Style is elated.
At this point I want to once again take a little detour to @clemelntine's meta on each of the boys' sexual fantasies of one other and what that means for the storage room hook-up. If you remember, she writes:
No matter how much he annoys Fadel in the day to day and how much he seems to take the upperhand in those interactions, when it comes to sex he likes in the idea of letting Fadel do what he does/wants.
Not only do we see this play out in the storage room in the way Style gladly gives Fadel full control over his body, but we see this pattern continue in the kitchen. Style is very proactive in showing just how much he wants to get into Fadel's pants but the moment Fadel seemingly folds and goes along with it, Style lets Fadel put him on the kitchen table with no resistance whatsoever and eagerly awaits whatever Fadel has in store for him this time, letting Fadel have full control over the situation and his body again.
Whenever Fadel has blocked or rejected or ignored Style in this scene so far, it has not come as a surprise to Style a single time. This is what Fadel does. Style is used to it. It might annoy or disgruntle him at times, but overall he is used to it. But when Fadel drops "You wonât ever get what you want" and leaves him hanging? This time around it hits Style completely out of left field. Style was so caught up in his euphoria, that he didn't see this coming at all (unlike me, the audience, who was just sitting there going "ohh shit oh damn this is gonna be another fake-out" the moment Fadel grabbed Style's waist and turned him towards the table dfjkdf). After all, Fadel did sleep with him the night before, and so Style probably completely forgot that Fadel could dump him at any moment. In fact, he was probably confident that Fadel sleeping with him the night before and now asking about him at the market when Style failed to show up were signs that Fadel had started to develop feelings for him as well. And if Fadel has feelings for him now, then he would likely also want this, so why would Fadel ditch him? But Fadel does. Style is angry and he's hurt and he's disappointed, but Fadel's rejection hits him so much out of nowhere that I think he actually takes a while to process what has just happened and how to feel about it and how to react. Usually in situations like this, Style will put up a fight with Fadel until one of them wins, but this time around he is so stupefied that he immediately moves towards the door when Fadel shoves him towards it without firmly standing his ground and fighting Fadel about it first. Style does yell at Fadel that he won't let Fadel ditch him and when Fadel comes at him again, just for a short moment Style is about to stand his ground, but then Style shoves him away and leaves the kitchen angrily, instead of fighting him.
While I do think Style is hurt by Fadel's actions, I think anger and shock are his leading emotions here as he storms off. I think the hurt only really properly starts coming out and taking over once Style's shock has worn off and he's processed the situation.
No. 4: OnlyFans
The immediate shock of the situation has now worn off, Style has had a little time to process and now he's ready to fight again. There is still so much anger in Style, but now we can also see just how hurt he actually is. This is even more evident when we go back to episodes 1 and 2 where we've seen this whole thing play out before: Fadel humiliates Style in private and Style retaliates by humiliating Fadel in public. Fadel drags Style out of the diner by his feet in the privacy of the closed restaurant. Style yells at him in front of everyone at a busy market place in return. Fadel leaves Style hanging in the privacy of the diner kitchen whose only staff is Fadel himself. Style yells at him in front of every customer at the restaurant in return.
When Fadel drags Style out of the restaurant in episode 1, Style is of course angry and humiliated. And sure, it did hurt his pride, but it's mostly just that. Fadel, at this point, is mostly just some weird, grumpy dude to him that he has now been hired to hit on. Back then Style wasn't expecting that fake-out either, but it doesn't leave him as stunned as it did this time in the kitchen. In episode 1, he even tries to fight Fadel. He can't do much while he's being pulled along the floor, but as soon as Style is back on his feet he immediately starts raging at the door, pulling at the handles and banging at it. In the kitchen, Style is too stunned to put up a fight and actively runs away instead of fighting Fadel.
When Style yells at Fadel in the market place, while it comes from a place of revenge it's still something he does for show. His words are loud and dramatic and they're for everyone around them to hear more than they are for Fadel himself. It's all a public performance to Style. And the audience is everyone at the market. It's about making everyone see how "bad" of a guy Fadel is and it doesn't really matter whether Fadel is listening to his words or not as long as his words reach his true audience and they believe him. Style is clearly having fun yelling at Fadel while also using the chance to blow off some steam from his previous annoyances with Fadel. When Fadel yields, Style immediately lets it go and chills again.
When Style yells at Fadel at the diner, he's once again causing a scene in public, but this time his words are for Fadel to hear, not for the strangers around them. The fact that there's strangers around them is just a welcome bonus and I think in that moment Style doesn't even really care if any of them are actually listening in or not, as long as his words reach Fadel. Style's voice is sharp as a knife, sharper than we've ever heard it before, and every sentence he utters is a stab at Fadel. When Fadel hands him the apron and tells him to leave, Style agrees, but he speaks out a warning first ("But just keep in mind: Nobody gets to nail and bail me."). His fighting spirit has come back, and when Fadel launches a counterattack ("Iâll be the first"), Style does not back down this time around like he did earlier in the kitchen. It's Fadel who walks away this time and Style reminds him that he'll continue to fight him ("A guy like Style wonât back down"). It's only when he walks out of the restaurant that he turns his argument with Fadel into an actual public performance. It's only when he invites everyone at the restaurant to take pictures of him that his words are for show and for his audience to hear.
We've just watched a situation that we've seen before play out but this time around it's very different. Because this time around Fadel actually means something to Style. And this time around Style has already slept with Fadel, which also meant something to him. I'm not entirely sure Style has quite figured out what exactly it all means to him and I also don't think he's head over heels in love with Fadel yet, but he sure is starting to have many emotions. While Style was also enraged back in episode 1 after Fadel dragged him out of the diner, his anger has leveled up now because this time around, underneath all of that anger, Style is also very hurt. They were starting to make progress and Style even got to celebrate small victories along the way (Fadel making him a burger, Fadel actually sleeping with him, Fadel asking about his whereabouts). Style was starting to get somewhere with Fadel, was slowly starting to develop some feelings of his own for Fadel, and Fadel just goes and kicks down Style's sandcastle. What's more, Style has made it very clear to Fadel how he feels about getting nailed and bailed, and then Fadel just goes and does it on purpose.
Style is so angry and hurt that this time around just one public yelling isn't enough. This time he goes for a round 2.
No. 5: A Ruined Man
Style is back at the support group. This time it's not to find out more about Fadel's backstory, this time he is here because he has a message for Fadel. And this time Style's distress isn't cringe, because this time the situation is serious to him. He is seriously angry, and he is seriously hurt, and it's important to him that Fadel is fully aware of it, aware of what he's done to Style.
"When you like someone, and they only think of you as a toy, something they can break, they donât even know how deep they have cut you."
Oh, Style. I hope you don't end up eating your own words later when Fadel finds out why exactly you were hitting on him and trying to get him to fall for you in the first place.
No. 6: Are These Systoms of Being Pregarnt?
This time Fadel is so done with Style that he drags him away in front of everyone else instead of waiting until no one is around. And Style is finally able to have somewhat of a civil conversation with Fadel again. While he is still angry at Fadel since they still haven't cleared up their quarrel, he is no longer outright yelling at him or attacking Fadel with his words like he was at the diner or in the group meeting just now. The tone of his voice is softer and also his dramatic flair is back when he goes on and on about how he might as well be pregnant. And we also learn what exactly it is that Style wants from Fadel: "You slept with me, so take responsibility for it."
I've already talked at length about why I think Style isn't one for casual, no strings attached one-night stands in my ep3 meta, and Style's words here highlight this once again. The storage room sex mattered to Style. And I don't think it mattered to him because it was a step closer to fulfilling the mission he's been sent on and a step closer to getting the car of his dreams.
If you read my ep3 meta, you'll know that I mention a couple of times that Style is developing "positive feelings" for Fadel. Phrasing it like this rather than phrasing it as "romantic feelings" or "starting to like" was a very deliberate decision. Because I don't think Style was quite there yet in episode 3. He still had many other ulterior motivations and intentions going on, be it Kant's "hit on Fadel so I can get to Bison" mission that Style gets a car out of or Style being nosy about Fadel's lore. If you remember, at the beginning of this meta when Style woke up with a boner I said Style may have a bit of a problem now. The problem is his own feelings â this whole episode hasn't been about Kant's mission or the car anymore (or about Style finding out Fadel's backstory). Instead, this whole episode we've been exploring Style's real feelings, his own desires. Style has started to care when it comes to Fadel, has started to genuinely want him. Style is starting to genuinely like Fadel now. He even lets it slip during the support group meeting:
"When you like someone, and they only think of you as a toy, something they can break, they donât even know how deep they have cut you."
And yes, one could argue that he's been saying he likes Fadel ever since Kant set him on Fadel and that Style, in fact, has said he likes Fadel many, many times before, so this is nothing out of the ordinary. But I think this time it is in fact different. I think this time he means it. Because if it was just a lie, if those were just empty words, then Fadel dumping him in the kitchen wouldn't have hurt so much. And at this point, I think Style's hurt isn't only about being dumped in the kitchen but also about being ditched in the storage room. Style may have said he won't hold what happened back then against Fadel, but maybe deep down he does. Because the storage room sex mattered to him and at this point of the episode maybe it matters to him even more so than at the beginning of the episode or at the end of episode 3. Not to mentioned, he really doesn't like getting nailed and bailed. You slept with me, so take responsibility for it.
No. 7: I Hate the Way I Don't Hate You. Not Even a Little Bit. Not Even at All.
"You're not killing me or anything like that, right?" Style says as they're walking out of their last scene and Fadel promptly takes him out to the woods into an abandoned greenhouse. They still haven't cleared anything up between the two of them and Style is still kinda angry, which is why I think that when he says "Are we doing it outdoors? Your taste sure surprises me" he says it mostly to piss Fadel off, not because he wants to flirt or actually do it with him in that moment (oh but just you wait another few minutes đ€đ€đ€).
Fadel once again just wordlessly walks away from Style. Instead of following him, Style stays back at the car, kinda annoyed. We don't know how long exactly Style was waiting, but either way, I think he does lowkey start to get freaked out a little. He wants to go home and starts looking for Fadel.
"I know youâre gonna kill me and hide my body in the woods." Oh Style, sweetie, no. Careful with your words. Apollo's ball of prophecy and all that. Right after that, we get yet another reference to Style not being scared of Fadel. When he enters the greenhouse, searching for Fadel while monologuing, he shouts:
But I ain't scared of you!
Fun fact, in Thai he actually phrases it as "You think I'm scared of you?":
àžĄàž¶àžàžàžŽàžàž§àčàžČàžàžčàžàž„àž±àž§àžĄàž¶àžàž«àžŁàž [mueng - kĂt wĂąa - guu - gluua - mueng - rĆr] you - think that - I - scared (of) - you - [question word]
It is night-time, Style walks along dark aisles in search of Fadel who ran away from him and is currently nowhere to be seen, when suddenly, out of nowhere Fadel appears, shoves him into some furniture (ish) and angrily yells into his face: "Who sent you?" Oh, wait, wrong episode.
User @secriden wrote an excellent post detailing the parallels between the ep3 storage room scene and the ep4 forest scene, but I actually think that the beginning of the scene is much closer to a different scene that we saw in episode 2: the locker room scene. It's interesting because this is the third time this episode calls back to the first two episodes. It starts with the parallel of Fadel's fake-out, then we had the parallel of Style publicly humiliating Fadel, and now we have a call-back to the locker room scene, which will soon turn into a parallel of the storage room hook-up. The parallels do be paralleling this episode.
In the locker room, it was Style who dropped a "love confession": "I like you. I liked you the moment I crashed into you that night. It was love at first sight. So damn romantic. Straight out of a movie." But now in the greenhouse it's Fadel's turn. Fadel ambushes Style, shoves him against the bars and starts raging. Fadel has yelled at Style a lot over the past few episodes. He yells at Style to reprimand him, to shoot down his advances, or to tell him to piss off. When Fadel yells at Style, it's all about his feelings of disdain he has for Style. So when Fadel says "I donât like you messing up my life. My life has been planned out. Youâre disrupting it," Style sighs a little and braces himself for yet another fight against Fadel:
But then Fadel goes off-script. "I donât like myself when I look for you on the morning jog or at the market. I donât like waiting to see if youâd show up at my restaurant or my go-to club. Youâ I donât like you being in my life and changing it."
This is a new one. Style listens intently.
Fadel continues. "I donât like feeling like this." Style has all his focus entirely on Fadel and his words now. He squeezes his eyes just the tiniest bit. And I think this is where Style starts to figure out the core of Fadel's problem.
"I donât like it!", Fadel yells and Style looks at him with so much resolution and with so much understanding.
And then Fadel drops: "I donât like that I miss you."
Fun fact about the word àžàžŽàžàžàž¶àž [kĂt-tÄung]: apart from "to miss", it can also have the meaning of "to think of, to think about". So another possible interpretation and underlying meaning of this line is "I don't like that I think about you."
Something vital that I want to bring up at this point now is something that @secriden has pointed out in her meta:
It's incredibly important that Style waited at this point. Style, who talks endlessly and without thought. Style, who demands that his story and his thoughts are aired first. Style, who has been telling Fadel this lie time and time again before Fadelâs feelings made it true... Stops. Waits. Stays silent. Because Fadel had to get there himself or not at all.
And get there, Fadel did. Fadel has just spilled that he thinks about Style, that he misses him. That Style's efforts have been worth it. That Fadel has started caring the way Style has started to care. Style looks at Fadel, takes it all in.
Style finally understands Fadel's problem, finally understands why Fadel has been acting the way he's been acting.
When Style kisses Fadel, there is so much purpose, so much intent to it. Style has something to say, something important, and every single thing on his mind, every single emotion, he puts it all into that kiss. And what he has to say is:
Yes. The caption in the gif is different from the official English subtitles. Because Style literally says:
àžĄàž±àžàčàžàčàžâàžàž°àčàž§àčàžą àžàž”àčàžàž°àžĄàž”àžàž§àžČàžĄàžŁàž±àžàžàčàž° [man - oh-keh - nĂĄ wĂłiie âą thĂȘe - jĂ - mee kwaam rĂĄk - Ă h] it - okay - [particle] âą that - will - be in love - [particle]
And this is a distinction that is important to me personally. Phrasing it as "It's okay to be in love" is by far more specific than "It's okay to love" and I think this particular word choice hits Fadel harder as well. Fadel likes control, he likes knowing exactly what's going on at any given moment. But then Style shows up as a whirlwind in his life, bringing disorder to everything. Fadel is starting to develop feelings that he can't control and it freaks him out.
When Style kissed Fadel in the locker room it was an attack in the battle he was fighting against him. When Style kisses Fadel in the greenhouse, it's for reassurance. Style puts everything he wants to say with "It's okay to be in love" into that line. It's okay to let go. It's okay to let things take their natural course. It's okay to be in love. You're allowed to have feelings. It's not a bad thing. It's okay. It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay.
And with this we go into the parallels to the storage room scene. If you remember my ep3 meta, then you'll remember how I said that Style didn't really mean it at the time when he said he wanted Fadel right before they hook up. This time he didn't say a single word about it, but his actions show that he does want Fadel this time. Once again I'm gonna steal a thought from @clemelntine's meta:
[Style] isn't entirely giving in/passive in the situation, though. He still has a hands on Fadel holding him close/in place, and does seem to want to touch him. No matter how much he wants Fadel to service him, he isn't gonna let him do it all on his own. He too wants to explore Fadel as well.
We can really see that this time around. Unlike in the storage room, Style has his hands all over the place: on Fadel's throat, underneath Fadel's shirt, in Fadel's pants, pulling Fadel closer with his arm around Fadel's neck. What's more, there's significantly more eye contact. Fadel actually looks Style in the eye now. It's still not as much and as intense as in Style's fantasy, because they're still not quite there yet emotionally, but it's a start. They've both started to develop some actual feelings, and this time around they're also both aware of it. Of their own feelings as well as the other's feelings. Where last time they were acting purely on physical attraction, they're much more emotionally involved this time around. Emotionally they're much more on the same page this time around. And it's beautiful.
Also, I haven't seen anyone talk about this yet, but we are all aware that they show us pretty much the entire act from start to, uhhh well, finish, right? Right?? đ«Ł
No. 8: Be My Boyfriend
Not for the first time Style says he wants Fadel as a boyfriend. Unlike the other times though, Style actually means it this time around. His words are no longer for show, no longer a performance that will be rewarded with Kant's gratitude and his car. Style is being 100% serious about being Fadel's boyfriend. The car is more of an afterthought (and one that he will get to, because a deal is a deal, and he's been in love with the car much longer than he's had any positive feelings for Fadel for, but still. Right there in the woods, I think the car isn't really on his mind at the time).
Style means every flirty thing he says. He means it when he says "Youâre mysterious and alluring. Youâre quiet, but sexy as hell". If you remember, during the kitchen scene I mentioned that Style wasn't as loud in the flirty things he said, and we can really see that in the aforementioned line and also when he says "[Having a boyfriend is] great. You have someone to embrace, to love, and toâŠ" These lines are much less loud and less performative than compared to everything that came out of his mouth in ep3 on the sports field.
By the way, I need you all to know that this exchange:
F: Iâll stick with jerking off. S: Iâm sure.
Actually goes:
F: I can jerk off by myself. àžàžčàžàž±àžàž§àčàžČàž§àžàžąàžčàčàčàžàžàčàžàč [guu - chĂĄk wĂąao - yĂču - eng - dĂąai] I - masturbate - be - (by) oneself/myself - be able to S: I know you can do it yourself. àžŁàžčàčàž§àčàžČàžĄàž¶àžàžàžłàčàžàžàčàžàč [rĂșu wĂąa - mueng - tam - eng - dĂąai] know that - you - do - (by) oneself/yourself - be able to
And where did we get a similar exchange before? That's right. In that very scene at the sports field that I just mentioned:
F: If you want it that much, then go jerk off. àžàčàžČàžàžąàžČàžàžĄàžČàžàčàžàž”àčàžąàžàčàčàžàžàž±àžàž§àčàžČàž§àčàž [tĂąa - yĂ ak - mĂąak - nĂźia - gĂŽr - bpai - chĂĄk wĂąao - bpai] if - want - much - [particle] - then - go - masturbate - go S: I know it can be done alone. àžŁàžčàčàžĄàž±àžàžàžłàžàžàčàžàž”àžąàž§àčàžàč [rĂșu - man - tam - kon diiao - dĂąai] know - it - do - alone - be able to
The words they say are similar, and yet these two exchanges are very different from one another. Just like in the kitchen, Style's flirting in the woods is much more grounded. It's not the same performance as it was in episode 3. And just as I said in my ep3 meta, it's when Style is being genuine that he actually reaches Fadel, not when he's putting up a show:
The inauthenticity in [Style's] insistent approach is what makes him annoying in those scenes [the running track and the market]. And it's also not what works on Fadel â it's when Style is being genuine that he actually reaches Fadel, like when he was helping him wait tables (which Fadel recognizes by rewarding him with a burger) or when Style was being playfully flirty in the sauna (which results in Fadel fantasizing about him at night).
What's interesting, though, that even though this is the very first time Fadel actually engages in Style's friendly banter and amiable conversation instead of ignoring him or yelling at him or telling him to piss off, at the beginning of the conversation Style doesn't have Fadel quite just yet. Actually, no. That's not accurate. Style is being genuine, has been genuine all episode already and so he does reach Fadel in the beginning of their conversation. Fadel is finally engaging, is finally getting involved. But then Style loses him again at a certain point. And it's specifically when he says:
But isn't it better to have someone like me with you?
Up until this very point, Fadel was mostly turned towards Style. He's smiled, he's laughed, he's rolled his eyes in amusement and he's actively taken part in Style's conversation. He's been more open with Style than he's ever been before. But now? He stares at Style for a moment, then turns away from him, closing himself off from Style again.
And it's interesting that this is happening at this specific point, because their entire conversation has mostly surrounded sex (adjacent) things and physical attraction. They literally start this conversation referencing their hook-up from right before, Style calls Fadel sexy, and then alludes that he wants to sleep with him again. And I think by the time Style says "I know you can [jerk off] by yourself. But isnât it better to have someone like me with you?" Fadel is at a point where he's like Oh, so you only want to be my boyfriend just so you can do me again, huh? So this is all I am to you, huh?
Fadel isn't cool with that and so he starts to shut himself off from Style again. Style is rejected again. Style turns his head away from Fadel, sighs, raises his eyebrows, and I think he realizes (at least subconsciously) what Fadel is unhappy about, because the next thing he says the moment he's turned back to Fadel is:
What you said to me just now... I feel the same way.
And again, he's being sincere. His voice is calm and grounded, there's not a single trace of his dramatic antics. And that line and coupled with that sincerity has Fadel listening up again:
"Be my boyfriend," Style says and Fadel listens even more closely. "Give me a chance," Style says and Fadel looks away, laughs, and replies "You donât even know me". Fadel's words are a challenge, but this time there is no malice, no anger, no annoyance in his voice. His voice is soft. Fadel poses a challenge, but it's not an invitation to fight. Or rather, it is an invitation to fight, but it's a very different fight from before. And Style is only happy to take up said challenge: "And what about it? Iâll learn more about you when youâre my boyfriend."
And for what he says next, I'd love to share a more literal translation with you again. In the English subs Style talks about being 100% in and it being Fadel's turn to let him in, which, yeah, it's the gist of it. However, in Thai he uses the word àčàžàžŽàžàčàž [bpĂšrt jai] again, which I've already talked about in my ep3 meta because Style has used that word before during that scene where Fadel hands him the burger. The day after posting that meta, I actually asked my Thai teacher about this word in class (and nearly died in the process) because I hadn't discussed this word with a native speaker for my meta and while I had discussed this word with my Thai language learning buddy after he brought it up when I was trying to explain the German phrase "sich einlassen auf" (@ German speakers: àčàžàžŽàžàčàž is very similar to that!), I just couldn't remember it well and wanted to double check just in case. According to my teacher, it's a word that is used to talk about opening up to something or about giving things a chance, but the literal translation is "to open one's heart" (àčàžàžŽàž [bpĂšrt] = to open / àčàž [jai] = heart, mind) and I think the series makes use of that literal meaning for a nice metaphor/image here. I think Style's choice of words is very deliberate:
I've opened my heart to you 100% already. àžàžčàčàžàžŽàžàčàžàčàž«àčàžĄàž¶àžàžŁàčàžàžąàčàžàžàžŁàčàčàžàžàžàčàčàž„àčàž§àžàž° [guu - bpĂšrt-jai - hĂąi - mueng - rĂłi - bper-sen - lĂĄew - nĂĄ] I - open up (one's heart) - for, to - you - 100 - percent - already - [particle]
Only you remain. àčàž«àž„àž·àžàčàžàčàžĄàž¶àžàžàčàž° [lÄuua - kĂąe - mueng - Ă h] remain, left - only - you - [particle]
How much will you open your heart to me? àžàž°àčàžàžŽàžàčàžàčàž«àčàžàžčàžĄàžČàžàčàžàčàčàž«àž [jĂ - bpĂšrt-jai - hĂąi - guu - mĂąak kĂąe nÄi] will - open up (one's heart) - to, for - I/me - how much
Fadel, who has enclosed his heart in thick, high walls, is being asked how many doors leading up to it he is willing to open. Style subtly reminds Fadel that a relationship consists of two people, but leaves the decision of just how close Fadel will let Style get to his heart entirely up to Fadel. Because that's Fadel's choice to make.
While Style is talking, Fadel is listening intently, really taking in Style's words and contemplating them:
He's quiet for a moment after Style is done telling him You have full access to my heart now. I'm willing to give you a chance. I've done my part. The choice is on you now. Will you grant me access to your heart, too? Will you give me a chance as well?
Fadel thinks about it for a bit more, then laughs a small laugh, throws his head back, and goes "Yeah. Fine." Style is confused. Fadel then explicitly agrees to be his boyfriend. Style's eyes widen. He can't believe his ears. He has to ask for confirmation, has to make sure he really heard it right:
We're boyfriends, right? àčàžàčàžàčàžàžàžàž±àžàčàžàčàžĄàž±àčàžą [bpen - faen - gan - chĂąi mĂĄi] be - boyfriend, girlfriend - each other, together - right?
Fadel confirms. Style is absolutely over the moon and showers Fadel in kisses.
Do I think they're already in love? Not exactly. Unfortunately, I just don't have the time to look at Fadel as closely as I have been looking at Style (I need 48h days fr đđ) but when it comes to Style, I think even if he's not in love just yet, this is the start of something real. We saw in episode 3 that he was starting to develop positive feelings towards Fadel, was starting to genuinely have a good time hanging around Fadel, but he still had ulterior motives in the foreground of his mind. I think when he hooked up with Fadel in the storage room that kicked off something within him because, as I've made very clear in my ep3 meta, to Style sex isn't just sex. Because if it was, his journey this episode would have been going very differently. But throughout this entire episode Style has cared, he has cared so much to the point he's gotten really hurt. And his joy when Fadel agrees to be his boyfriend? That's real. And I don't think it's because he's about to receive the car of his dreams as a reward. If it was, I think Style would have been much more smug about Fadel agreeing to be his boyfriend, would have been much more self-satisfied underneath all that happiness. But Style's joy here is pure. And he doesn't brag about finally "winning" Fadel over, doesn't hold it over his head in a smug HAH, you gave in to me, I'm the one who won our battle of wills, look how cool I am sort of way. Style's joy is real, but what he's feeling is not quite love at this point. But so what if they're not in love just yet? Like Style said: They can get to know each other fall in love when they're boyfriends.
No. 8: Apollo's Ball Of Prophecy Is Real
Remember how a couple of paragraphs ago I said the car was just an afterthought, that Style would still get to? Well, he's getting to it now. He shows up at Kant's place and "When should I come and get your car?" is the first thing out of his mouth right after his hellos. Kant reminds Style of their deal and asks if Fadel has agreed to be Style's boyfriend. Style says "yes", shining brightly as the sun as he says this. And the way he shines while dropping this info to Kant makes me once again think that his happiness here is more focused on Fadel rather than the car. Style is a little smug now, but it's mostly before Kant mentions the words "Fadel" and "faen" together in one single sentence (yes, I had to go with the Thai word for boyfriend just for the alliteration lol). When Style says yes, Fadel is in fact his boyfriend now, the subtext I'm hearing is not something along the lines of Yeah, I finally got him, so where's my beloved car at, bro, we had a deal???? but what I'm hearing is more like Yes!! He is!! Can you believe!! Fadel is my BOYFRIEND!! Omg!! I did it!! Just like we'll see in the flashback to the "be my boyfriend" scene right after, there is something rather pure about Style's complete and utter joy at the thought of Fadel being his boyfriend.
Style relays the "be my boyfriend" conversation to Kant and it's only after that that Style really starts bragging: "Your best friend is a genius, isnât he? I told you I can get anyone." And yeah, undeniably this is about the fact that he's getting a car out of it, but I also think that he would have bragged about it even if the deal with the car didn't exist. Kant and Style seem to have the sort of friendship where they always brag to each other about their love lives. We were shown this in episode 1 when Kant goes to see Style at the garage and Style immediately asks for the tea on his night with Bison, pretty much begging Kant to brag about it when Kant tries to change the topic to something else. Style would have bragged about Fadel to Kant no matter what. Besides, why wouldn't he go get the car, despite actual feelings being involved now? A deal is a deal, and if he can get the car of his dreams and the boyfriend of his dreams out of it, that's even better. Best of both worlds. Who wouldn't say no to that?
But Style's happiness gets smacked right out of him via Apollo's ball of prophecy as he learns that he should really be very careful what he jokes about. He almost spoke Fadel taking him out to the woods to kill him into existence. Fadel is a hitman. Style's panic gets the better of him. He has seen, felt on his own body even what Fadel is capable of. He doesn't like Fadel that much yet, so he's outta there before he gets to experience first hand the real depths of what Fadel can be capable of if Style gets too annoying. Car be damned. Style may be unhinged but he isn't suicidal.
Kant, however, manages to talk Style into helping him and staying with Fadel anyway. Now, you could say Style is unhinged for agreeing to help Kant instead of firmly refusing his request and getting out of this mess before it gets worse, but I think in that moment Style is genuinely afraid that Fadel WILL kill him if Style breaks up with him, breaks his heart right after Fadel has finally, finally given him closer access to it. And Style has had to work very hard for said access, so he knows very well how big that decision was for Fadel to entrust Style with just a little bit of his heart. And if Style then goes and breaks that little bit of Fadel's heart that he was given in the very next moment? That's a death sentence on Style's head right there.
And another reason why I think Style agrees to continue working for Kant's mission is that Style likes to help. I've already touched on this in my ep3 meta:
Style likes to help. We see this in the way he agrees to help his best friend by hitting on some weirdo guy (yes, of course he's also getting a car out of this deal, but I think part of the reason why he agrees to the deal is also because he genuinely wants to help Kant find love), we see this in the way he immediately takes orders from customers no questions asked in episode 2 right before he meets Bison, and we'll see this even later this episode [ep3] when he throws himself into the fight despite having no fighting skills whatsoever, just because he thinks three against one is unfair and wants to help.
Helping people is something that comes easy to Style, something he doesn't really have to think about, and so when Kant practically begs him to help Style can't do anything but agree to help Kant because not helping would go entirely against the nature of his character. Also, who could resist First's puppy eyes? Valid, absolutely valid. I, too, would fold like thin paper if First looked at me like That.
No. 9: Over Your Limit
Style is at the gym, probably in an attempt to work off some of the overwhelming emotions that Kant's reveal has left him with. What's interesting is, as @secriden noted, that Style decided to go there during daytime. From episode 2, both we, the audience, as well as Style know that Fadel likes to go to the gym at night specifically to avoid crowds. It's probably safe to assume that Style went there during the day specifically in order to avoid Fadel.
So Style sits there, lost in his memories, recontextualizing everything that happened at the greenhouse, processing Kant's news, rethinking his decision. Unfortunately for him, he's already made his choice the moment he agreed to help Kant, and so in the end Style goes Fuck it, I'm doing this.
Unexpectedly, Fadel shows up. Style hadn't been mentally prepared for that and despite his fuck it attitude just mere seconds ago (17, to be exact), his instincts kick in and he panics. Everything within him is screaming at him get away from this man, your life is in danger and so Style immediately rejects Fadel's offer for help: "I canât do it anyway. I was pushing my limits."
Style is pushing his limits. Hitting on a guy? Sure, that's fine. Making him his boyfriend, despite said guy having walls as thick as the Great Wall of China? A little challenge, but nothing Style can't handle. But dating someone who is a professional killer, someone who is capable of taking lives and might very well be capable of taking his own boyfriend's life if need may be? That really is pushing any limit Style could ever have even as much as dreamed of. He can't do it.
But despite every instinct within Style telling him to run away, Style doesn't, because that would be suspicious and Style can't risk Fadel getting suspicious because that would seal his deathly fate even quicker. So Style hesitantly leans back and lets Fadel help him. And here at this point, I just wanna give a little shout out to Style raising his eyebrows and sighing a little after they're done, like whew, I survived that, I'm still alive, because it makes me giggle:
When Fadel alludes to wanting to have sex, Style plays dumb. Style has used this strategy before when he wanted to find out the connection between Fadel and the host club, but where in ep3 Style was playing dumb in order to gain Fadel's trust, here at the gym Style is playing dumb in order to delay having to get close to Fadel again (much less sleeping with him) while he figures out a way to get out of it. When Fadel cuddles up to him, it's the last straw. Style's panic takes over for good and he makes an escape. But then Fadel calls out to him, asking him to wait. Shit. Style's fight for his life is not yet over. Style stops, trying not to be suspicious or to do anything else that would give Fadel a motive to kill him.
Fadel walks up to him and wipes the sweat of his face. Where before Fadel's touch has recently been making Style feel good, it now feels very threatening instead. Yet, at the same time it's also a kind and caring gesture, which is something that isn't lost on Style.
Style very much notices the care in Fadel's action, but his new perspective on Fadel makes it hard for him to embrace and appreciate the kindness of it. And the kindness and care also contradicts the image of the ruthless killer Style now has in his mind of Fadel. These two contrasting aspects simply do not go together. Unable to cope, Style runs off.
The Attempt of a Conclusion
Where Style had just a little bit of a problem at the beginning of the episode, by the end of it that problem has grown much larger than he could have ever anticipated. Over the course of episode 3 we saw that Style was slowly starting to develop some positive feelings for Fadel, was slowly starting to actively enjoy hanging out around him, was starting to get curious about Fadel of his own accord and not for motives connected to the deal. Yet, the deal was still very much always there. In episode 4, however? Style might not have entirely realized it yet, but that deal is no longer relevant to him. Not showing up to the morning jogging or at the market might still have been a planned strategy in the mission Kant gave him, but that mission goes right out the window the moment he hears that Fadel had asked about him. When Style goes running to Fadel the second he is told that Fadel had asked about him when actually Style could and probably should have played his game a little longer, really letting Fadel stew, from that moment onward it's all about Style's own feelings rather than the car. And everything he does this episode is led by those feelings. Over the course of this episode we see that Style has genuinely started to like Fadel. And he had to. He had to start liking Fadel before learning about Fadel's real job. Because the higher you are, the further you fall and Style accidentally having caught feelings makes the drop down worse, for both Style, the character as well as us, the audience. Style genuinely likes Fadel now, and if that wasn't enough of a problem already, the man he likes turns out to be a professional killer.
Crap, indeed.
#the heart killers#fadelstyle#stylefadel#thk meta#adrm#thk#thk ep4#thk style#my meta#thkmetamine#i really tried to get this out BEFORE ep5 dropped but then i ended up having many thoughts again dfkjd#actually the most time-consuming part was figuring out how to PHRASE these thoughts in a way that it makes sense#rather than just vomiting a jumble of words into the post#that's why it took me so long#ALSO I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I HAD ALL OF IT UP UNTIL AND INCLUDING THE ''BE MY BF'' SCENE WRITTEN OUT *BEFORE* I SAW EP5#LET ME TELL YOU THE WAY I SCREAMED WHEN EP5 PRETTY MUCH VALIDATED MY READING ON STYLE IN EP4đđ»đđ»đđ»#the theme of ep3 is style starting to feel positively about fadel#the theme of ep4 is style genuinely starting to LIKE like fadel#the theme of ep5 is style falling in love#and i can't WAIT to start writing about that one hehehe#can i make it in the span of 4 days is the question rip#less actually since tuesday is christmas and i have a visitor
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I was cleaning and reorganizing my room, but I am taking a break to watch this. Also, what is going on with the thumbnails? Since Full Moon, they are getting more and more cluttered. Less is more.
Live reaction time, sad yippee.
That moment when you realize you have a WHOLE ASS DAUGHTER!
She is so real for this. Stella's VA always slays her lines, love her performance.
My new favorite background characters!! In love with the waiter imp's design. The background characters always look better than the main/speaking characters.
Okay, Moxxie and Millie are just yapping and being horny for each other, and I am just confused. What the fuck is happening? Visual noise. The M&Ms are my least favorite canon couple. maybe I will like them when Millie gets character outside of her husband.
Me when I buy too much stuff.
The joke is: She is homophobic. Since this sinner's situation is similar to what is going on with Blitz/Stolas/Stella? Is Stella going to be reveal to be homophobic? /lhj
Yes Via, your father is horny fetishizer who is a liar. Stolas is a bad father for not caring about his daughter and her wellbeing. He only cares about Blitz and his sexual desires. If my father or mother pulled something like this, I would not talk to them again. This is straight up abandonment.
When a stan sees a negative opinion about the Hellaverse.
Finally, Stolas says what we all been thinking, HE IS FUCKING STUPID. I guess being poor help wake up Stolas' braincells.
What in the fanfic? Anyway, the guy is a cheater, but they would have to kill the kids too. This does not seem like a Murder Family situation where the whole family was sick and twisted.
You are pregnant. What in the double fanfic?
Blitz throwing the sinner out the window made me giggle. Love jokes like that. See, it is possible for this show to be funny with swearing up a storm.
I hate Andy more than Stolas. Andy deserved that shit. Stolas beating the brakes off of Andy made me laugh. Why wouldn't Stolas be cool instead of being a UWU gay man?
What in the yaoi?
Loona is like a Dragon Ball character, how many forms does she got? This is for all the middle school wolf kids. The multiple eyes look dumb though.
I no longer like men. I'm homophobic now. Helluva made me hate men. /j
YES, VIA TELL HIS ASS OFF!!!!!! GET HIS ASS!!! RIP HIM A NEW ONE!!!! On an off note, Via's lines sound weird. I'm listening to the show via a Bluetooth speaker, and it sounds likes her VA was recording her lines in a closet to something. Especially the "chance to leave" part, I do not know I would be tripping.
Anyway, there is nothing wrong with cutting out toxic family members. Stolas was too busy getting his asshole tickled by Blitz to spend time with his daughter whose life was crumbling around her. I am tired of Stolas' bitch ass crying. Shut up. You should have drowned in that bathtub.
Loona has friends!!!??? I wish that was an episode of Loona finding friends instead of cringe episodes for people who have not grown out of the fujoshi middle school phase.
This show is jumping the shark. You know the writers are running out of ideas when they make one of the characters pregnant. At least make a male character pregnant, SWITCH IT UP!
Omg, this hellhound is like me for real, I own a pair of cheery earrings. Her design is peak like the other background characters. Someone please save her from this show.
YEP! :D Blitz misses Barbie so much that she has not made an appearance since. She really hates his ass that she removed herself from the show. I hope Blitz trips, taking Stolas with him and they both die and go into a better show with better writing.
RATING TIME: 4.5/10
I had more time cleaning and reorganizing my room than watching this episode. I felt nothing watching certain parts. The only moments I cared for was the ones with Via because of the leak storyboards of this episode. It seems like nothing was changed unlike what happen to Ghostfuckers.
Will I be watching season three? Viv said that season 3 take a while to be released and it is going to be 15 episodes long.
That would be around 2026. I do not know if I want to be watching this show when I am 25 years old. The writing choices of this show are baffling. I think (do not quote me on this) but Viv said season three will focus on the Ars Goetia in an interview which sounds boring. I do not care about their rich classist society. Is Helluva going to be Bridgerton but in Hell?
I can see myself watching Hazbin when I am 25 because there are AUs that I can indulge in when the show's writing gets worse and has like 1000 plots going on, if I do not care for one, I can pay attention to another one. Helluva's main plot point is just Stolas and Blitz, and I am bored of them. I dislike both of them as characters and as a couple/
I don't care for the rest of IMP, Fizz, Ozzie, Bee, Sallie Mae, Striker, and etc and their storylines. The only character I like is Mammon and Via and they do not appear that much.
Talking about this show is a chore. I had fun watching this show back in 2022 (I'm late to the fandom) but now, it is just a chore to sit though. The main plot is boring, and the side plots are the same recycle stuff. I have more fun reading the back label of shampoo bottles than watching this show.
#helluva boss critical#helluva boss criticism#helluva boss critique#vivziepop critical#vivziepop criticism#vivziepop critique#live episode reactions
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IS IT NEW YEARS YET? â sirius black x reader
SUMMARY. â itâs the new yearâs eve party at Potterâs house, and you broke up with your partner a few weeks back.
PAIRING. â sirius black x fem!reader
WARNINGS. â uhm⊠my writing being fuckass (thats not a word); some making out?
A/N. â just a quick blurb cause its almost 4am and i canât sleep
âheyyy, there you are!â Siriusâ voice brings you out of your own head and you turn in his direction, amused as you watch him practically waddle over to you.
heâs drunk out of his ass, that stupid goofy smile plastered on his face, making him look ever so softer than usually. you, on the other hand, havenât drunk almost anything, not really being the life of the party tonight despite trying. you reach out your hands, grasping his shoulder and helping him maintain balance while he enters the balcony and slumps down on the ground with a groan.
the two of you are silent for a moment, you sipping slowly on your heavily watered down drink, and him staring at you.
âpartyâs that boring you came looking for me?â you finally mutter, raising your eyebrows, and itâs painfully clear for you both that youâre trying to keep the spirits high, poorely.
âitâs almost midnight.â he replies casually, shrugging, and he flashes you another one of those grins of his, to which you just shake your head. âi didnât want you to be alone. everyone needs someone to kiss when the clock strikes twelve.â
you scoff, rolling your eyes, and for a beat you just gather your thoughts. Sirius and you are⊠complicated, if to say in one word. never really best friends, never really hated each other. never neutral, but never something more. in the same friend group since your 4th year at Hogwarts, yet never been truly alone together for more than a couple minutes.
surprisingly though, he was the one at your side comforting you after your recent breakup. ever since that, youâve both been feeling the tension between you, but neither have had the guts to act on it. yet.
âvery funny, Pads.â you sigh, running your fingers through your hair to brush it back, and you swear you saw his smile drop for a second, but just like that itâs back. âim not really in the mood to kiss anyone.â
Sirius lets out an annoyed huff, messily searching his pockets to pull out two crumbled up cigarettes, passing one to you. you take it, of course, and light it up with a quick incendio. the air around you feels almost serene as you both inhale and exhale the smoke, and if it wasnât for the loudness of the party going on inside, youâd say something about it. instead you focus on your cigarette, your gaze focused on the stars above you as you blow out the smoke lazily.
âi cannot understand half of the muggle shit Lils and Remy try to show us, but Merlin, i fucking love cigarettes.â you murmur softly, a chuckle escaping your mouth at your own words, glancing back at Sirius. heâs staring at you again, and when you catch him in the act he smiles, nodding along.
âhell yeah. and that other shit. uh-huh, vodka!â he eagerly weights in, already finishing off his smoke, and he leans in closer to you, his fingers grazing over your knee.
you hum in agreement, taking your sweet time with that cig, before putting it out against the railing. when Sirius leans over, you shudder under his feather-light touch, ready to back away. but thatâs right when you hear the people inside start to count down from ten, and you sigh.
suddenly, Sirius tugs on the sleeve of your dress, quickly wrapping his arm around your waist, and he pulls you in. for a wasted man, his moves are smooth and steady as always, hands now resting on your lower back as youâre straddling his lap. your lips pursed together in slight agitation, and the moment you start to pull away you hear a loud ONE, and you know whatâs coming.
somehow Siriusâ hands are now on your cheeks, and his lips press against yours lightly, not making any rushed movement, clearly waiting for you to reciprocate. and after a short second you do, your arms wrapping around his neck loosely as you even deepen the kiss.
it gets more heated than youâd thought it would, his hands trailing all over your body almost frantically, squeezing at your thighs, your hips, your waist, the underboob area. a soft whimper escapes you when you two pull away, your lips red and swollen already.
âhappy new year, Y/N.â Sirius whispers against your skin, his mouth sauntering over your neck as he starts to leave wet kisses there, and your fingers tangle into his hair.
âhappy new year, Siri.â you whisper, biting back a moan at his ministrations, the tiniest of smiles making its way onto your face.
welcome 1979, goodbye 1978.
#sirius black x reader#sirius orion black#sirius black#sirius black x fem!reader#sirius black x you#sirius black x y/n#the marauders#marauders#blurb
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Game Of Love - Hwang Hyunjin SMAU
Chapter 11
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Masterlist
Warnings: Swearing, anxiety, Hyunjin loses his temper (wow what a surprise !!)
A/N: I love seeing you all write your conspiracies in the comments, it makes me to happy to see ppl intrigued in my story đ Written below the screenshots !!
You walked into your first shift feeling somewhat excited. Art had been one of your favorite hobbies for the longest. But as you endured your hardships during high-school, it was something that didnât seem to bring light into your life anymore. Painting had been the one thing you missed the most, though. The way the bristles of the brush glided against the canvas was a long gone, yet euphoric feeling. Something about watching the trail of paint that followed the brush was relaxing. It was a stress reliever for you, and something that youâd wish to experience again. Preferably soon. On top of that, youâd not always been independent. Throughout your life, as your parents grew more and more absent, that was the time you had to learn how to live on your own. Not only did it cause more stress, but it left no time for your stress relieving hobby. Although it wasnât a young age, it was still challenging as you were previously left to rely on people for your whole life. Nowadays, being independent was something you still struggled with, but when you did it you could feel a small flame ignite inside you. Another feeling that you missed often, but enjoyed. Hopefully, this job could help fuel that.
As your shift continued, you couldnât help but feel excited. Not only because you were back in a place that used to bring you so much happiness, but also because of Seungmin. Thinking back to his messages left your heart to flutter. The clock grew nearer and nearer, and you couldnât help but eagerly wait for 4:00 P.M. to hit. Except, all that excitement crashed down the moment the door opened. You looked up as the bell chimed to see none other than Hwang Hyunjin. A feeling of uneasiness and slight anxiety immediately sparked inside of you. This was something that several people had warned you about. Hell, you shouldâve expected it yourself. Both yours and Hyunjinâs passion for art was something that was strong, it was something you shared. Well, used to share.. Itâs not like you doubted Jeonginâs words, you had expected to run into him. But not this soon, you hadnât mentally prepared yourself for this yet.
You could feel your chest tighten as your eyes scanned his figure, he hadnât noticed you yet. Was it too late to book it out the back? But then youâd be risking your job. Your job that you desperately needed. With a deep breath, you spoke and decided to treat him like any other customer. âCan I help you find anything.â Hyunjinâs moves came to a sudden hault. You couldâve swore you saw his grip tighten around nothing, his knuckles growing white. His eyes made contact with yours. There was something about his gaze, his piercing gaze that shot chills down your spine. The fake smile you had plastered on didnât last long. It soon faded as you fidgeted with the keychain that dangled from your belt loop behind the counter. Your body was now filled with anxiety. Thankfully, the door opening tore both of your eyes away from each other. Your eyes trail back to the door where Felix had just followed in. âThank god.â was all you could think.
âOh hey Y/N!â The blonde greeted you, earning a glare from the taller male that stood next to him. However, it had gone ignored. With a subtle swallow, you greeted back. âHey Felix. Did you need help finding anything?â But before Felix could answer, a certain someone had beat him to it. âWeâre fine, thanks.â Your body tensed up at Hyunjinâs harsh tone. It was the first time heâd talked directly to you, and not spat insults over text. Hyunjin quickly made his way behind a shelf to avoid having to see you, dragging his friend with him. That of who shot you a sympathetic look. As they disappeared out of sight briefly, you exhaled a sigh of relief glancing back at the clock. Ten minutes was going to end up feeling like an eternity. Anxiously as time passed, your fingers tapped against the glass shelf by the checkout counter. Although he was still in the store, he was out of sight. That alone managed to ease your nerves a bit. It was until you heard that harsh tone, once again. âWhere are the oil paints?â Glancing up, your eyes met once again with Hyunjinâs. It briefly took you back to high-school. You remember looking into his eyes and seeing nothing but a soft look. One filled with safeness, you saw love and affection in his eyes.
However, all you could see now was pure hatred. You werenât sure why, but your heart ached a little at that thought. Eventually, you mustered up the courage to respond. âUhm, depends what brand.â His eyes narrowed,
âWhat?â
âIt.. depends what brand. Theyâre on the shelf over there.â You gestured. âBut.. If youâre wanting a more high end brand then Iâll have to grab it from the back..â The words softly and cautiously fell through your teeth. Youâd not had a physical conversation with Hyunjin in years. Surprisingly to you, his voice was the same. It hadnât changed, and the more you observed about him the more pain you felt in your heart.
You two were so good together, why did things have to end up this way?
âSo?â He spat out harshly. You were left utterly confused with his question, still keeping your guard up. âSo⊠what?â You retaliated back at him, except you kept a nicer tone. You made a point to not piss him off more. He crossed his arms, âYou know what brand I use, or did our relationship just mean that little to you.â That specific statement left both you and Felix frozen, along with a thick tension in the air. You inhaled shakily, there was no way he was doing this right now; right? After all these years? âYou know what, letâs go Hyunjin-â
âItâs okay Felix.â Turning to the blonde who had now haulted his attempt to drag Hyunjin away before he could make it any worse. Slowly, you watched his grip loosen and soon release from Hyunjinâs arm who meanwhile, was stiff and filled with hatred. Your head turned back to Hyunjin. âTo put it simply, I made a point to forget everything about us after we broke up. It wasnât worth remembering.â Truthfully, that was not the case. You still knew and remembered every little detail about him, whether you wanted it or not. His favorite brand, his favorite color and food. You even remembered the name of the cologne he used. In fact, you could smell it. It was like he planted a seed with his DNA in your heart. It was an unshakeable and painful feeling. Even so, you stood your ground and watched as his face grew red. Out of anger or embarrassment? Youâd never know.
You kept a firm ground, your eyes glaring back into his. Hyunjins eyes glanced back and forth between you, and the shelf that held the oil paints which he had some how overlooked. Likely due to the anger he could feel when he heard your voice. And as if it couldnât have been better timing, the door opened once again. You quickly looked away, finding any excuse to break eye contact. This time, it was Seungmin who walked in, and you couldnât help but let a smile creep onto your face. âHey, Seungmin.â You stepped out from behind the counter, making your way over blissfully unaware that Hyunjinâs eyes had followed you. âI thought we were going out after my shift?â
âGoing out?â Hyunjin thought. His eye twitched at the thought of one of his childhood friends and his ex dating. Anger began to boil inside him. You surely hadnât meant anything romantic by the term âgoing outâ right? Then again, why should he care? Maybe because it felt like a stab in the back. Not from you, but from Seungmin. Someone he had put all his trust into for years. Felix immediately recognized the problem and tension at hand, âLetâs go Hyunjin, weâll come back later.â He muttered quietly, successfully dragging him out of the store this time, leaving you and Seungmin alone. Except you were completely unaware that a new problem had been created.
Felix had decided to take him next door to the cafe they both worked at, sitting him down at a table in the corner which was somewhat tucked away. Hyunjin was mad, irritated, livid. He was pissed, and it showed. âFucking bastard.â The words fell from his mouth as he ran his fingers to the middle of his scalp, tucking his head away as he acquired a tight grip on the strands of his hair. It wasnât long before the shorter male noticed his knuckles turning white. âThatâs not healthy Hyunjin, quit it.â With felixâs words and the way his hands grabbed onto Hyunjin, he was able to pry his fingers away from his hair. âRemember what your therapist said-â
âFelix I donât give a fuck what the therapist said.â He snapped, head now tucked in his hands. Luckily, Hyunjin was quiet, but that didnât erase the sharpness in his tone. âI donât fucking go there anymore so it really doesnât matter.â
âOkay well you need to.â His tone was now sharp as well. The black haired male raised his head to glare at his friend. âNot you too, that shits fucking stupid.â He leaned back in the chair as he crossed his arms. He was going through so much and all anyone cared about was sending him back to therapy? He scoffed at the thought. Felix couldnât help but sigh at Hyunjinâs behavior. Despite how frustrated he was, he kept his composure. âItâs not stupid, Hyunjin. Thereâs a reason you went in the first place and-â
âOkay well drop it! Iâm not going back and you canât force me!â His voice grew louder as he raised out of his seat, now attracting attention despite being tucked away at a corner table. Except all Felix could do was stare up at him, unable to care about the stares they may be receiving. His face showed nothing but pure irritation towards him. Hyunjin then happened to catch a glance outside the cafe window. There you and Seungmin were. Hands interlocked as he leaned over to whisper something in your ear. All he could do was sit and watch at how you giggled at whatever he whispered to you. That did it for him, pushing the chair over and storming off to what Felix could only assume to be the break room despite not being on the clock. His eyes shut at the racket of the chair hitting the floor. The blonde took a deep breath before standing up to pick it up. He glanced up at one of his co workers, apologizing for the noise before going behind the counter himself after Hyunjin.
Meanwhile, you and Seungmin were unaware of the conflict. Well, Seungmin was to an extent.. âSeriously Seungmin, I appreciate the gesture but you didnât have to pick me up from work.â Seungminâs lips curved into a smile before parting, giving you a glimpse of his perfect teeth. His fingers finding their way in between yours. âIt was nothing, seriously. Besides..â He trailed off before leaning down to whisper in your ear. âMore time with you.â His breath was warm, despite the somewhat cold fall air nipping at your skin. Heat rose to your cheeks and you couldnât help but giggle. âWell then, glad to know Iâm fun to be around.â Your eyes briefly looked up before looking back down. A breath of air escaped from your lips as a thought crossed your mind. Your smile turning into a purse of your lips. It was a comfortable silence of you lost in thought, and Seungmin successfully managing to take in every single one of your features without being noticed.
âWhat you thinking about? Seems like youâre lost in thought..â He said as he started to lead you by one hand along the sidewalk. Your eyes looked up to meet his as you walked. There was a question that was unanswered to you. Yet, it was one that could possibly backfire against you, or you receiving an answer you didnât want. Eventually, you found the will to ask. âWhere do you think this is leading..â Seungmin stopped and you did the same as you came to a cross walk. The screen signaling for you to wait. His eyes narrowed in confusion. âWhere is what leading?â Seungminâs body turned to face yours. âI mean.. us? This..â You trailed off as you gestured to your interlocked hands, earning a chuckle from him. âWellâŠâ
He started and took a brief pause before continuing. Yet this brief paused seemed to last for hours. Part of you wanted to be more with him, to put a label on you guys. But another part of you felt differently.. Before you could decipher what that feeling was, he gave you your answer. âWhatever you want us to be..â His head tilted as he looked down at you. A smile tugged at both of your lips simultaneously. Unfortunately, the moment was then ruined by the screen changing, letting pedestrians know it was their turn to walk.
As the evening continued, that conversation and his confusing(?) answer was pushed to the back of your mind. What did you want? Hell you didnât even know yourself. Every relationship since Hyunjin had done nothing but damage you internally. You swore when you were with Hyunjin that there would be no one better than him. Did you want to risk heartbreak again, or worse? Better question, why was your guys relationship still on your mind. You shouldâve been over him a long time ago, in your eyes. All these questions raced through your mind as the night came to a close, and Seungmin walking you from his car to your doorstep. Before you could reach for the handle, he stopped you. âSo.. you never gave me an answer.â He said in a somewhat serious tone. âWhat do you mean?â You cocked your head to the side. He smiled before softly asking the question you knew was coming.
âWhat do you want us to be?â
You froze, looking up at him. âI wasnât aware you asked..â You teased as he chuckled, running a hand through his hair. His brown eyes still visible even with the shadow casted from his hair. You observed them, they were filled with a look of safety, affection, and something else you couldnât quite decipher yet. Whether it was the heat of the moment, or maybe you had internally decided an answer, next thing you knew you leaned up. Briefly, you pressed your lips to his. And as you pulled back, you noticed a look of what seemed to be uncertainty in his eyes. You then questioned if it was a mistake. Anxiety ran through your veins. Did you fuck up?? But even with these doubts racing through your head, you questioned him. âDoes that answer your question?â A smile falling upon both your faces as he chuckled. âI think it does.â
Now, it was his turn to initiate. Seungminâs lips found their way back to yours. His hands gently grabbing your waist to pull you a bit closer. His touch was gentle, welcoming. So welcoming your arms snaked up around his neck. He tilted his head as he deepened the kiss. You only had to have been there for about 30 seconds but it felt so much shorter. As he pulled back, you had wished it lasted a bit longer. âGoodnight, yn.â He hesitated but let his arms return back to his side, you doing the same. As you parted ways, bid your goodnights and headed upstairs to your room, you couldnât help but think. It had only been two short months, but you felt a spark with Seungmin. It was a different spark. A lot of different feelings crept their way into your heart with Seungmin, it was almost worrying. AlmostâŠ
Should it have been worrying? Maybe? But you couldnât find it in yourself to care right now. For once you werenât thinking about school, your parents, or even Hyunjin. You were distracted, and thatâs all you cared about. All you could hope is for things to remain this way, if not blossom into something better. Something more
but we all donât get what we wantâŠ
taglist: @rylea08 @estella-novella @gabriellamarie @elqivxstxr @4ln-stay8 @lostgirlinthewoodss @hwashua-luv @linavc @yaniluvs @ddroh @writtingrubberducky @vegetablesarefuntables @lixies-favorite-cookie @emilywjinnie
#stray kids#skz#skz x reader#skz imagines#skz smau#stray kids smau#bang chan#changbin#hyunjin#lee know#stray kids x reader#felix#han#seungmin#jeongin#hyunjin x reader#skz texts#stray kids texts#ateez#stray kids comfort#stray kids fake texts#hyunjin smau#hyunjin texts
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Pairing: Kyle âGazâ Garrick x fem!reader
Synopsis: It was love at first sight, but Kyle will be nothing more but someone's right-hand man. It's alright though, he'll have his heart learn how to stop loving you.
Content: not proofread, alcohol mentions, one-sided love, fast-paced,,,
Notes: This took a while to finish huhu, Kyle will probably be ooc since this is my 1st time writing a fic for him! Honestly I'm not too sure if it fits the theme đđ i kept postponing this bcus i didnt wanna write smth sad during xmas
Love is Doomed Masterlist !
If bliss was a human, Kyle believed it would be you. You were just a pinch away from being perfect, Godâs favorite creation, as Kyle would describe you. Everyone just snickered at the sight of a big, strong soldier like him, acting like a lovesick puppy who just got his aching heart stolen away and locked up in a dungeon.
He yearned for you more than anything and firmly believed that no one can know you like he does. No one at all can love you like he does.
The only problem was that you were after another, your world kept spinning even in Kyleâs absence. He never mentioned anything about it, fake chuckles coming out of him as you chirped about the so-called man of your dreams. It made his ears ring and practically bleed, eyes twitching as he nodded for what seemed to be the hundredth time today.
He had never been introduced to this mystery man before, it wasn't any of his business so he kept it to himself. Though he wasn't going to lie, curiosity has been bubbling up inside of him and threatens to spill as the days go by.
He shouldn't be jealous, he doesn't have the right to be.
But doesn't he have the right to be concerned when you hand him an invitation to your wedding? He thinks you're moving far too fast! Faster than he can reach, you're progressing too quickly, not allowing him to even catch his breath.
Everything slips through his fingers quicker than he could've ever imagined, the moment his hand touches the elegantly designed invitation, he's suddenly at the wedding itself.
He's losing you, the longer he lets his feelings linger the more you get farther away. And he can't do anything about it.
âSpeak now or forever hold your peace.â The officiant states, glancing over to the crowd. Kyle swears he has never wanted to say the words âI objectâ more than ever in his life.
Yet in that moment, no words came out of his mouth. He just stood there in silence as other guests clapped joyfully, proud of the huge step in life you took. As the two of you kissed, Kyle felt like he was going to puke right then and there, maybe even right on the red carpet walkway.
You two were going to be together forever, and that word didn't sit right on Kyleâs tongue.
It's been months since your wedding and it's also been months since Kyle has spoken to you. Your attempts of reaching out to him have been deemed useless, with him not even bothering to acknowledge your messages. You haven't found the time to personally meet him face to face either.
He's probably just on an important mission. You told yourself, not wanting to assume that something bad has happened to him.
Kyle's strong, whatever he's going through right now, heâll make out of. He promised. And Kyle has always been a man of his word, you can always count on him.
Together forever, you promised, you and Kyleâs pinky fingers interlocking together. It's stupid that Kyleâs mind automatically assumed that you meant it romantically, it's not your fault. It's his fault that he fell in love, such a stupid man he is. You never saw him in that light.
âYouâve drank, haven't you?â Price asks, his arms crossed with a mildly displeased look on his face. As if he wasn't on his 2nd pint of beer right now. âYouâre not normally this aloof.â It's not like Kyle was putting in much effort into hiding it, but he does wish that his captain didn't point it out so bluntly..
Price sighs when Kyle doesn't respond, he forgot; Kyleâs a quiet drunk. Oh unless Soap is here, then that's a completely different story. âYouâve been refusing every mission given to you, mate. Don't tell me it's about your best friend..â
Kyle shook his head, but the look in his eyes told the opposite. It was embarrassing to admit that a strong and courageous sergeant like him was down over something so âlittleâ like unrequited love.
Psh..he's better than that, right? He should be better than that.
âIt's nothing, Iâll get over it.â Kyle waves it off dismissively, but Price was having none of it. âAnd you'll get over it when, mate? In 3-5 business years?â The sarcasm in his voice seeped into Kyleâs veins like venom, mainly because he knew that he was right.
He couldn't sulk forever, or else heâll get left behind. The world would keep spinning no matter what he does, even if he had the strength of a thousand gods, the world still wouldn't stop.
All he prays is that maybe next time, Cupid will hit the both of you.
#call of duty#cod#cod fanfic#cod fanfiction#cod x reader#gaz cod#cod imagine#cod x fem!reader#cod x y/n#cod x you#kyle gaz x you#kyle gaz x reader#kyle gaz garrick#kyle garrick#gaz garrick x reader#cod fic
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cause everyone knows i got a broken heart
authors note: last but not least, folioâs has been completed ! i always enjoy writing him, so if you all ever have requests for our folio here, please send them to me lol inspired by the song taken :)
jollyâs, noahâs, and nicholasâ
pairing: nick folio x reader
word count: 961
cw/tw: reader is heartbroken, big unsaid feelings, folio is a sweetie, noah just wants his friends to be happy, jolly is a sore loser, fluff, open but hopeful ending, 18+ minors do not interact
"You look happier."
Noah's voice breaks you from your spell, blinking away from Nick to look at your friend.
"Hm?"
"I said you look happier." He gives you a small smile, the real one he only reserves for his friends, and leans in closer. "It's nice, I missed the happy you."
"Thanks. I did, too." You mumble out, face burning.
The last year had been hard and there were times when you didn't think you could come out of it, wholeheartedly believing you'd die of a broken heart. But those bad days slowly turned into kinda bad days, and those days slowly turned into alright days. You're not where you want to be, but the broken pieces of you that were left behind slowly started to be pieced back together, one by one.
You glance over at Nick again who caught your gaze, face softening as he sends you a wave. You send one back before looking at Noah again, that small smile now turning into a knowing grin.
"Don't even start." You point a finger towards him, eyes narrowing into a playful glare.
"I'm not starting anything." He holds his hands up in defense before looking between you and his bandmate across the room, leaning in closer. "He really likes you, you know?"
Your face burns again. "I know."
It felt weird admitting that. You know how Nick felt about you, and how you slowly started to feel about him. It was all weird to realize when you were still healing from your broken heart.
"Are you gonna give him a chance?"
"I don't know." You say honestly and the look Noah gives you lets you know he understands. "It's complicated."
"Yeah, I'm sure it is." He stuffs his hands in the pockets of his pants, shoulder bumping into yours. "But... I'm also sure he's a good guy. Would do anything for you. It wouldn't be so bad to give him a chance, right?"
You eye Noah for a second, brow raising. The boy doesn't say anything, just gives you that same knowing grin.
"I'm starting to think he paid you to say that."
"I can't confirm nor deny that." Noah shrugs before bumping his shoulder into yours again as you both laughed. "But, seriously. He's good for you. I think you know that."
You do. The second Nick came into your life your world was turned up again after being turned down for so long. He was like a light in the darkness, guiding you through all the bad shit to get you to the good shit. You haven't been this happy in months, and yet...
"I don't know." You mumble, eyes back on Nick who was focused on his game of pool with Jolly. "There's just a lot that goes into it, you know? I'm still scared. I don't think he'd hurt me intentionally, but knowing that he could is what's stopping me, I think."
"Your therapist tell you that?"
You snort. "Maybe... but she's right. I think my mind is still in flight or fight when it comes to things like that. I don't know if I'm ready, but... he makes me want to give it another shot."
"Yeah?"
You can hear the smile in his voice, though your eyes are still on Nick. "Yeah."
It's silent between you two after that, leaned against the wall beside each other as you watch the game between Nick and Jolly unfold. The older out of the two swears when Nick wins, the second time tonight, and you can't stop the smile stretching across your lips when he sends you a wink. Jolly reaches into his pocket to pull out a wad of cash, practically throwing it at Nick.
"Not fair! You always do better when she's here." Jolly grumbles out, pointing an accusing finger your way.
You hold your hands up. "I'm literally just standing here."
"Yeah, but you're like his good luck charm. He always plays better when you're here. It's weird." Jolly huffs out, but you can still make out the playful tone in his voice.
"You're just jealous you don't have a pretty good-luck charm." Nick teases as he makes his way over to you and Noah.
Your cheeks burn from his words and you don't dare look at Noah. You can see that shit eating grin in your head perfectly.
"Did you hear that? He thinks you're pretty." Noah dramatically whispers to you, groaning when you elbow his side not so gently.
"Shut up." You whisper back, plastering a smile on your face when Nick gets closer. "How much you get out of him this time, winner?"
"I think just enough to buy you and I a drink." He says while counting his winnings, whistling to himself once he finished. "Actually, I can buy us two drinks."
"Wow, two drinks? A man after my own heart." You joke, but the smile on Nick's face lets you know it's anything but.
"I sure am. Tell me, is it working yet?"
You don't stop yourself from smiling. "Maybe it is."
"I'll take it." Nick hums before holding his hand out, waiting for you to take it. "C'mon, let's go get a drink."
You take it without much thought, letting your fingers lace with his as he guides you towards the bar. You can feel Noah's eyes on you, and you can still see that shit eating grin in your mind, but you don't care about that. You don't care that maybe he's right. No, all you care about is the way Nick's staring at you, like you hold the sun and the fucking moon in the palm of your hands. It makes you feel like giving him that chance wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
#bad omens fanfiction#bad omens fanfic#bad omens fic#nick folio fic#nick folio fanfiction#nick folio fanfic#mine
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requiem // part seven
summary: according to coriolanus snow, his best friend had the most beautiful voice in all of panem. she had been training her whole life constantly to get where she was; being up for a residency at the most elite opera house in all of panem. singing was her passion. her true love; and when that got stripped from her in a second, his world became a whole lot quieter. he loathed every minute of it.
pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader
wc: 1.4k
masterlists / nav / requests
tags/warnings: opera singer!mentor!reader (blink and you'll miss it), she's kind of a prodigy!! p cool imo, mute!reader, bestfriend!coryo, friends to lovers trope ooo, mentions of graphic violence early on (particularly the prologue) but after that it's pretty safe, depictions of ptsd/trauma, mental illness and minor suicidal ideation but at least she's not entirely alone, descriptions of minor medical treatments and use of medication.
a/n: omg hi i am not dead i swear i was just in school which,,, was pretty close to death but here i am
also, reminder to follow @runningfrom2am-library and turn on my notifications there to join my taglist for this series!!
my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)
send me any and all of your thoughts! here!
series masterlist // playlist // pinterest board
Coryo was getting frustrated that it seemed you didn't want to tell him anything. Tell, write, confess through charades- whatever it would take. Whatever it was that you went to Dr. Gaul about, you were taking it to the grave.
He had to be fair, though, he was scared to ask directly.
When he went to your house that evening, you had just wanted to talk about his apprenticeship with her. You were so excited, and the fact that your reason for attending the citadel was still an unknown slipped easily to the back of his mind because you were smiling again.
'I'm so proud! :)'Â You had written on that notepad of yours moments after pulling away from a hug, nearly bouncing with excitement as you held the book up for him to read your thoughts.
You were smiling again, and he wasn't going to ruin that for the world- so he just trusted that if it was important you would tell him, because that's what you always did. You told each other nearly everything, important or not, and this was an odd exception but as the weeks went by he figured that it was just nothing at all, and you had forgotten the event altogether.
Your parents weren't home today, but your staff let Coryo in anyway, as they always did. You had told them years ago he could come and go as he pleased, so they were used to it. They rarely even notified you of his arrival anymore, it had well and truly become his second home.
The halls of the large estate were quiet until he reached the wing of your room. Opera music poured from behind your closed bedroom door, a song he had never heard before. But it was your voice he was hearing over the crackling of the track, no doubt in his mind.
His feet carry him faster down the hall, and he could just about hear his heart in his throat.
It was you. You were singing again.
Coryo opens the bedroom door, hesitantly, almost; equal parts delighted and shocked and scared he was dreaming. But there you were. Your back was to him, your form encased in tulle and embroidered silk around the bodice that's tied loosely, just enough to hold it on. In the mirror he could see your reflection, your eyes closed for the time being and lips moving with every word. But you weren't singing.
Your record player spins and cracks in the corner, volume cranked as high as it would go and he wonders if that was an intentional reflection of the power behind your voice in its natural form. To convince you that you were back in that moment, that you had never changed. Every year your parents get you a record of every performance and dress rehearsal you had done that year, assuming they were good enough to make the annual cut. This one, he recognizes is from last year. Watching you pretend to be the girl you once were, god, Coryo feels his cheeks burning- he shouldn't be seeing this, he's most definitely intruding, even though he would love to sink into this moment and just for a few minutes, be able to pretend with you until maybe it would just come true.
He takes a small step back, intending to close and then knock on the door to give you a chance to prepare for his entry, but you hear the slightest creak of the floor under his heel. You nearly jump two feet in the air where you're stood across the room, hands flying to your chest to hold onto your racing heart, feeling it kickstart from the sudden intrusion. You catch a glimpse of him in the mirror and spin around quickly, dress swinging around your legs as soft as a cloud while your lips form his name.
"Sorry." He chuckles, watching you bunch up the skirt and stomp over to your record player. The fact that your embarrassment was quickly manifesting as upset was something he couldn't help but find nothing short of adorable.
You turn off the record with a huff of silent frustration, your cheeks burning under his gaze. You've no doubt scratched the vinyl in your haste, but you can't be bothered to care at the moment. The next time you played it you'd only hear this moment anyways, so you knew this one would soon be joining the oldest ones at the back of your closet.
"So... how's it going?" Coryo asks, but the slight upturn at the corner of his lips is enough to make you feel that he's laughing at you.
You wave at him dismissively, brow still creased and that little pout still forming your expression as you stomp over to your walk in closet and close the door with a dramatic slam.
He laughs a little to himself, making his way over to your bed and sitting down on the plush sheets, placing his bag next to him and rifling through it to gather what he had brought for you.
He wasn't sure if you would like it, he was going out on a bit of a limb here- but the Plinth Prize was treating him so well he could afford to fumble a few impromptu gifts.
You emerge a minute or so later, still kicking your poofy dress off your feet and into the depths of the closet as you pull the drawstrings on your pyjamas tighter. They may have been Coryo's at some point, a relic from days past when you were allowed to have sleepovers, but by now it hardly mattered.
You fix Coryo with a glare over your shoulder as you shove the closet door closed and he makes quick work of asking how your "performance" went.
"I'm kidding! I'm sorry. Should have knocked." He laughs, shrugging as you pad over to the bed, slippered feet hardly making a sound. You throw yourself down next to him, dragging your hands down your cheeks before sitting up again and grabbing your notepad from the side table.
'If you tell anyone, you'll be the next one to lose your voice.'
"Ha, ha." Coryo mocks, rolling his eyes. "I'm hoping you'll forgive me when you see what I brought for you."
You tilt your head, eyes flicking to his bag as he pulls a couple thin books from it. Sheet music. He's honestly surprised you couldn't smell it as soon as it passed the threshold of your property within his bag.
You take the books from him eagerly, hardly sparing a glance to the cover of the first one before beginning to flick through it, eager to see its contents and imagine the sound. In your mind, your fingers are already trailing over the keys discovering a new pattern, a new melody to fill the painful silence of your world.
Until... it doesn't work. You're looking at the sheet music and the sound doesn't come, you can't picture it the way you normally can.
Your brow furrows as you flip back to the front page.
"It's for a guitar." Coriolanus explains, having picked up on your obvious distress right as you read the cover.
You give him a thoroughly confused look, the blue of his eyes offering you no explanation like it so often did.
"I thought maybe... it might be good for you to try something different. If you wanted." He adds, leaning back on his palms. "I mean, you're really good at piano, and singing, and the harp sometimes, right? So I just thought maybe trying a new instrument would give you something to do, a bit of a change of... musical scenery, if you will."
You tilt your head slightly as you look down at the pages again, considering his suggestion. All you can think of, selfishly, is Lucy Gray playing that guitar in her interview, and the way Coryo looked at her before she died in the Games. How her voice seemed to enchant him when she sang at the reaping, and how he had looked over at you expecting a pleasant reaction from you as well, expecting you to see some form of kinship in her.
You force a slightly tense smile onto your lips, nodding in agreement. "Thank you." You mouth to him, trying to seem cheery about it as you wrap an arm around his shoulders to give him a hopefully convincing side hug which he happily returns.
It didn't look that hard, after all, and you're sure you could play guitar better in a few weeks than Lucy Gray Baird ever could after a lifetime of practice. There's only one way to prove it.
no taglist this time around!! my fics usually get over a hundred requests to be added to the taglist so instead i made a library! follow me over on @runningfrom2am-library and turn on notifs to get updates when i post new parts!!
#tbosas#thg tbosas#tbosas fic#tbosas x reader#tbosas fanfiction#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#coriolanus x reader#coriolanus snow imagine#coriolanus imagine#coriolanus snow fanfiction#coriolanus fanfiction#coriolanus snow x reader#coriolanus x you#coriolanus snow#coryo x you#coryo fluff#coryo x reader#coryo snow#coryo
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âšAli's Birthday Bash! #4âš
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Part 4 time with a double threat!!! đđI am gearing up- I'll be out of town the next few days, but I should still have no problem posting!!! I hope you all are having a lovely holiday season!!!
Tomorrow will just be one art, then the day after will be two, et cetera, et cetera!
divider here!
Henri (for @justabiteofspite)
AHHHH HI!!! It's Henri!!! One of my fav durges!!! đI LOVE her color scheme and her face and her make-up- it was so fun to do!!!!
I would like to say that without your knowledge and expertise, I would be missing so much BG3 content and tips- you are one of THE BEST players I've ever seen and I admire you so much! Not only that, but when you share writing wips I melt- I love Henri and Astarion and I hope to see more of them in the future (no pressure!!!) You are such a kind, sweet friend, and I love watching you play BG3 and kick ass đ€đ€ I am so thankful to have met you, and not only that but to live so close to each other!! Someday soon we'll be getting a meal and yapping in person!!! đ«đ« Happy b-day again, and happy holidays my friend!!!
Tavlor (for @badbloodwitch)
EEEEEEE another amazing lady!!! I have still never gotten over the silly pun of Tavlor Swift, and I'm glad to breathe her to life as much as possible! I went a little crazy silly with the eye color, but I hope you still love!! đđ
AHHH ILY!!! I love your writing so much, you write Astarion SO GOOD UNG- I love your stuff, I love you, I am so happy I met you, and you are seriously one of the funniest people I know! You're so kind and encouraging and I love your writing wips and your amazing input and fun vamp discussions! Both of you two!!! I swear đ I am so glad I met you đ
Alright!! That's it for today fellas! I love you all VM, and I'm so happy to progress through these- they've been so fun and honestly have helped me improve!! See you all tomorrow!!
#ali's birthday bash#art#my friend's tavs#my friend's durges#my art#friend appreciation post#portraits#tav#durge#the dark urge#bg3 tav#bg3 durge#tiefling#elf#dnd elf#dnd art#friend ocs#procreate#personal#HAPPEEEE
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siren - ellie williams.
Pairing: College!AU Ellie Williams x Cheerleader!Reader.
Warnings: Very light smut. Cheating. Swearing. Arguing. Reader is still in the closet and itâs hurting Ellie. Ellieâs mean (rightfully so).
Summary: Everything about your life is perfect. Perfect family. Perfect boyfriend. Perfect grades. Cheerleading Captain. Sorority President. You have it all and yet, itâs not enough because hidden within all those perfect layers is Ellie Williams. The one imperfection in your perfect life. You know you shouldnât be sneaking around with her and yet you canât help it. But, how long can the two of you carry on before it all comes to a head?
Word Count: 600+
A/N: This is an edited and repost of an old story originally posted on my other writing blog well over a year ago. I think Iâll finally write the second part.
Your breath, like your hands, shakes; the rest of your body wired with tension.
You grip the sink to stop it, skin tight across your knuckles from doing so as you continue to take deep breaths. You count three seconds in, three seconds out. Trying to focus on anything that would take your mind off of the guilt threatening to consume you.
But, you don't have to try too hard because Ellieâs everywhere, all over you, all at once, leaving you little to no room to think about anything else except, her, her, her.
Her and her calloused hands that were sliding over your exposed torso as she presses feather light kisses along the soft skin of your neck, holding your body against hers.
The guilt begins to subside with the distraction she provides... but not completely. It never does.
âI-I have to go,â you tell Ellie, eyes closing and body melting into hers. "I have to go before the siren sounds."
âSo, go. No one's stopping you,â Ellie mumbles into your neck before taking the skin between her lips and sucking.
You should tell her to stop, you know you should. You had to go out soon and you couldnât have a fresh hickey on your neck, the rest of the squad would notice and your coach would rip you a new one if she saw it.
"No marks," you tell her breathlessly. "Coach will notice."
Yet you tilt your head, giving her unrestricted access to the curve of your neck and when her other hand slips beneath your top, lithe fingers grazing your hardened nipple, you let out the softest of moans without realising.
Ellie snickers, âthat's what you're worried about, your coach?â
âYes, I already told you, people will ask questions, you canât keep leaving mark on me⊠canât keep doing this,â you swallow thickly, releasing your hold on the sink and pushing the arm she had holding you in place, further down your body â down toward where you needed her the most.
You feel her smirk into your neck.
âDidnât you tell me that the last time we did this?â her fingers dancing teasingly along the top of your skirt, âand the time before that? And the time before that?â
Her words wash over you like a bucket of ice-cold water, body going rigid and eyes flying open as guilt & nausea overwhelm you as she reminds you of your constant infidelity and you rip yourself from her arms.
âI meant it,â you hastily adjust your top and skirt back into place, eyes welling with the familiar sting of guilt-ridden tears. âI have a boyfriend.â
âAnd I have fake pot plants,â Ellie rolls her eyes.
âExcuse me?â
âSame thing. Useless things we both keep around for decoration,â Ellie mocks.
âYouâre insufferable,â you regard her bitterly.
âAnd youâre a liar," she bites back, mood soured and your face crumples. âYou lie about who you are, who you truly are, all the time. To me. To your boyfriend. To your family. To yourself.â
Her words are a slap to the face, unshed tears blurring your vision. She always knew where to hit you where it hurt. But, there it was, that voice in the back of your head that reminded you that none of this would hurt if you hadnât let her in. Hadnât kept her around. Hadnât let yourself develop feelings for her. Hadnât crawled back to her more times than you could count on your hands and knees and, all for what? A few fleeting moments of happiness? Happiness that was always stained around the edges because you couldnât have her. Couldnât have Ellie the way you truly wanted because she didnât fit into your perfect life. Your carefully constructed life that was slowly coming apart at the seams.
âStop it, Ellie,â you plead quietly.
"Why? So you can feel good about yourself when you crawl back into bed with your boyfriend tonight? We both know youâre only with him to keep up your perfect little image.â
Ellie turns her nose up at you, sneering.
âBut, you donât love him. Hell, I donât even think you like him.â
âThatâs not true,â you protest weakly, arms wrapping around yourself. âI love him.â
But maybe you deserved her hurt. Afterall, you were hurting her just as much.
âOh yeah?â Ellie smirks, green eyes piercing into your own as she crowds you against the wall, her arms caging you, head tilting mockingly, and lips curling cruelly at the corners, taunting, âthen what the fuck are you doing in here with me, when youâre supposed to be out there for him?â
Your throat feels like itâs closing in on itself as the inevitable siren sounds in the distance.
The game had already started.
-
All fics are my own work - I have not posted my work anywhere else.
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/places mentioned above.
Do not copy. Do not translate. Do not repost.
© bookofbonnie 2024. All rights reserved.
#ellie williams fanfic#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams x you#ellie williams x y/n#tlou fanfiction#wlw fanfic#sapphic fanfic
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Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 111 (Making Progress on the Case?)
Conrad gave Malcolm's video to a tech at work the next day, and while they worked he updated the police chief. "I'm sure it's him. When the video comes back, we'll know."
"The precinct still won't send you to George Brindleton's villa in Sulani until the video can be analyzed, Gordon. I know how badly you want to get there, but you can't take any more of this investigation off grid. You've got a lot of nerve getting Judge Morrison to rush a warrant on a Landgraab. I don't care how well you think you know him."
"I'm sorry, Chief. I've been getting a little desperate to solve this one, and because he's a Landgraab, I knew you'd tell me to hold off if I asked for permission first."
The chief rolled her eyes. "One of these days your instincts might fail you, Lieutenant, and all that risk you take won't have reward."
Two officers entered the room after a knock at the door. "Lieutenant Gordon, we brought in someone you're going to want to talk to. She says she's an ex-girlfriend of Rafael Bonilla."
Immediately, Conrad knew who he meant. Melissa Ramsay. He'd found old social media posts from a deleted account with their photos. He found her in the police database, subject to an outstanding warrant after a bust Rafa had also been involved in when they were sixteen, and had put out an APB on her almost a year ago.
He entered the interrogation room, and she looked at him nervously in her orange jumpsuit. "I wasn't trying to avoid arrest. I thought it was all over, I swear. I was only there that night because I loved him. I didn't do anything."
Conrad could relate to her predicament. "I'm not trying to reopen an old case against you, Miss Ramsay. Your record after the bust is clean. But it's rare for someone who becomes their high school valedictorian not to continue to university. You've been harder to track down than most who have nothing to hide."
"I don't know what you want from me. I work in a flower shop. I can give you the name and number for my boss."
Conrad nodded, letting her write down the information. "When's the last time you spoke to Rafa Bonilla?"
"I don't remember."
"A few months ago. That's the last time I spoke with his sister, Ximena. And you might not know this about me, but over a decade ago, I loved her like you say you loved Rafa. So you don't forget."
"Maybe I didn't love him enough."
"You loved him enough to be there that night."
Melissa frowned. "We finally broke up three years ago and I haven't seen him since."
"Do you have any idea where he might be, or who he might be with?"
"I don't know. After the bust we didn't talk about his work, but it was always the problem between us until I finally left."
Again, Melissa's story rang true to Conrad's experience. "Did you know he's wanted by San Myshuno PD?"
She nodded. "I had nothing to do with those busts, either."
"I know that, Miss Ramsay. Do you think Rafa's on the run?"
"Maybe he finally got away from his sister. He knew she was dragging him down, but he didn't know what else to do with his life so he did whatever she asked. They had this loyalty that he couldn't shake. I begged him and I tried to deal with it for years, but finally I had to accept that she won and I walked away from him."
"If he ran, where would he go?"
"I really don't know, Lieutenant. He didn't talk about what he wanted to do because he thought the cartel was his only viable option."
"Has Ximena tried to find you since Rafa went missing?"
She shook her head. "She hated me so much, I don't think she's spared a single thought for me since Rafa and I broke up. She never wanted me around to begin with."
Conrad gave her his card and let her go, asking her to call if either Bonilla happened to reach out after so long. He hadn't learned enough from Melissa to justify a work trip to Sulani to find Rafa, but if Melissa was telling the truth, he'd been given valuable insight into Rafa's mind.
Ximena thought Rafa was happy to work at her side, running drugs and weapons for the cartel. But maybe the reason Ximena had been no real help in the search for Rafa was that she truly had no idea where he was. Maybe he'd been in hiding for years - from his warrants as well as his vicious sister.
He was beginning to get excited - the end of this very long tunnel might finally be in sight, but his run of luck couldn't last forever.
Frowning, the young officer who worked on his video approached him toward the end of the day. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant Gordon, but the facial recognition software couldn't pick up enough of the man's face in the video recording to confirm a match with Rafael Bonilla."
Conrad sighed. Though it felt he'd taken two steps forward and two steps back, forced to keep looking for evidence connecting Rafa to Sulani and the Brindletons, he still felt as though he was on the right track.
He returned home to his family that night, finding Ash and Lavender in the kitchen with a book.
"Give Twee, Dada! Pease?"
Lavender crossed her hands on her lap and smiled, melting any possible opposition. Not that he ever turned down a chance to read the kids a good story.
Heather gave Gord a bath while Conrad read, getting the kids ready for bed before a freshly-shampooed Gord bounded up the stairs to say good night.
"Nigh-nigh Go-dee," she said, patting his head gently as he leaned in for a nuzzle. "Go-dee wet!" She laughed wildly and wrapped her arms around him. "Lovey!"
Conrad's gorgeous family was a constant reminder why it was so important he find the Bonillas and move forward with his picture-perfect life. ->
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Gen 1 Start | Gen 1 Summary
#sims 4#sims 4 gameplay#sims 4 screenshots#sims 4 legacy#sims in bloom#ts4#ts4 gameplay#ts4 legacy#ts4 screenshots#sims 4 story#ts4 story#legacy challenge#sims legacy#ts4 legacy challenge#gen 2#brindleton bay
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small excerpt from the next overcumming writer's block chapter
You push your front door open, the silence of your apartment making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. The lights are offâodd, considering you could have sworn you left a lamp on. You always do, a force of habit since you live in a less safe area of Linkon. Oh, the things you do for cheaper rent.Â
Pausing, your eyes scan the deceptively empty hallway and kitchen. Everything feels still, almost eerie, and your pulse quickens as you take your shoes off, right beside Zayneâs much larger dress shoes, to venture further into your apartment.Â
The faintest creak of floorboards makes you freeze. Your heart hammers in your chest, and you instinctively look around.
There, sitting innocently on the coffee table, is Zayneâs tie. The delicate silver pattern shines mockingly from the dim light filtering in through your windows, undoubtedly the same tie that once wrapped around poor Mr. Whiskers.Â
Before you can move toward it, your phone buzzes in your pocket, breaking the stillness.
grumpy snowman: Youâre cutting it close. Ten minutes before Mr. Whiskers meets an untimely demise.
You can't help the amused snort that escapes you, the tension in your chest breaking.
ms. author: You really went this far? What now, villain?
The response is almost immediate.
grumpy snowman: Itâs a matter of life or death. I hope you're prepared.
Another photo attachment followsâyour favorite Christmas blanket thrown over the couch cushions in disarray, the faintest corner of Mr. Whiskers peeking out beneath it. The living room. You shake your head, muttering under your breath about the audacity of smug geniuses with far too much time on their hands.
You make your way to the living room in the dark, heart beating a little too fast for your own liking, flipping on a lamp as you approach the couch. Lifting the blanket, you find...nothing but a sticky note.
It reads in painfully pretty cursive: Nice try, but youâll have to be quicker.
Another buzz.
grumpy snowman: You fell for that as well? I expected better. Already 11:52, timeâs running out.
You scoff, unable to stop yourself from laughing despite the absurdity.
ms. author: Do you even have anything better to do?
grumpy snowman: Not lately. Someoneâs been too busy to properly entertain me.
That comes off as⊠blunt. For Zayne, for the rather over-the-top scenario heâs somehow roped you into. Folding up the note, you stare at the text a moment longer before you hear the echoing click of a door. Itâs coming from upstairs.Â
Another buzz.
grumpy snowman: While youâre lost in thought again, care to explain why youâve been running yourself into the ground? This little charade is doing more for you than your usual routine, is it not?
You pause, stalling as you make your way to your stairs.
ms. author: Iâm writing.
grumpy snowman: Poorly, if youâre overworking. Canât imagine the tensionâs working out if itâs still stuck in your head.
ms. author: Gasp. Excuse youâ
Another buzz interrupts, just as you make it to your bedroom door. The culprit has to be just beyond the door.Â
grumpy snowman: 5 minutes remaining. Mr. Whiskers wonât be around much longer.
You can practically feel his grin through the phone, and for a brief moment, youâre glad heâs here, even if itâs all in jest. Zayneâs right, this whole absurd situationâyour plushie, the stupid texts, the teasingâhas done what no amount of coffee or writing could.
ms. author: If you harm a single fur on my sonâs head, I swear Iâll come for you.
Your hand latched onto your bedroom handle, heartbeat strangely loud as you pause to type one last jab.Â
ms. author: I donât know why Iâm indulging you.
grumpy snowman: Because you love it when I win.
A laugh bursts from your lips before you can stop it. Shaking your head, you push the door open. Your bedroom is dim, the curtains drawn, but moonlight spills through the dusky purple veils, illuminating the bed.
Perched atop lies Mr. Whiskers, your darling calico plushie sitting in the center, fully unharmed even though his crystalline eyes speak of unknowable horrors at the hands of his captor.Â
Before you can grab him, movement from the corner of the room catches your attention. Zayne, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, watches you with a slight upturned grin that makes your stomach twist.
âYouâre a horrible villain.â You huff, all but lunging on your bed to hug Mr. Whiskers to your chest like a shield.
His grin widens, the bastard, and you can't help but notice how handsome he looks with his hair a little mussed and his glasses slipping down his nose. He doesnât have his coat or suit jacket on, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up, a sight you havenât grown tired of.Â
God, you really have a thing for forearms. Or maybe itâs just for Zayne.
âSince weâre critiquing each other, youâre not much of a hero. Hiding behind a plushie doesnât exactly inspire confidence.âÂ
âConfidence isnât my priority right now.â You clutch Mr. Whiskers tighter, narrowing your eyes. âIâve been fine. Nothing more than proofreading left⊠that and a few problem-children scenes.â
âThen consider this me fulfilling my half of the contract,â Zayne says, effortlessly narrowing in on the truth behind your words. âFor someone who claims theyâre adequately âinspired,â youâve been more distant than usual.â
âI donât need a lecture.â
âNo lecture.â He steps closer, âI just missed you.â
Again, Zayne's words catch you off guard, so blunt they make your chest ache.
He takes another step forward, and you have to lean back on your elbowsâ nearly lying on the bedâ just to maintain eye contact.
And then, Zayne drops to his knees before you.
Flimsy excuses? I have an idea. What if Zayne hold hostages to one of the Plushies. No, he did not break into MC apartments but he kidnap one during their short meeting when he stopped by at MC apartment. Say, he took MC favorite kitten/otter/penguins/ baymax plushies.
"Your little friends is asking when the negotiation date will be set."
It became a whole dirty "you come here or I practice pulmonary bypass suncture on your little friends" . I mean. WHO THE HELL WILL LET THEIR PLUSHIES UNDERGO OPERATION WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT. Thus the whole idea of inspection on MC happen. Ahhaahahahahahaj
THREATENING TO PRACTICE PULMONARY BYPASS SURGERY HAS ME SCREAMING HAHA
Lowkey this will be perfect for the next chapter since MC needs a little help writing a spicer enemies to lovers scene. After I finish the raf and xavier fic this is next!!
#zayne smut#love and deepspace x reader#lnds smut#lads zayne#zayne love and deepspace#zayne x reader#love and deepspace zayne#lnds x reader#lads x reader
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Thinking about Elizabeth Woodville as a gothic heroine is making me go insane. She entered the story by overturning existing social structures, provoking both ire and fascination. She married into a dynasty doomed to eat itself alive. She was repeatedly associated with the supernatural, both in terms of love and death. Her life was shaped entirely by uncanny repetitions - two marriages, two widowhoods, two depositions, two flights to sanctuary, two ultimate reclamations, all paralleling and ricocheting off each other. Her plight after 1483 exposed the true rot at the heart of the monarchy - the trappings of royalty pulled away to reveal nothing, a never-ending cycle of betrayal and war, the price of power being the (literal) blood of children. She lived past the end of her family name, she lived past the end of her myth. She ended her life in a deeply anomalous position, half-in and half-out of royal society. She was both a haunting tragedy and the ultimate survivor who was finally free.
#elizabeth woodville#nobody was doing it like her#I wanted to add more things (eg: propaganda casting her as a transgressive figure and a threat to established orders; the way we'll never#truly Know her as she's been constantly rewritten across history) but ofc neither are unique to her or any other historical woman#my post#wars of the roses#don't reblog these tags but - the thing about Elizabeth is that she kept winning and losing at the same time#She rose higher and fell harder (in 1483-85) than anyone else in the late 15th century#From 1461 she was never ever at lasting peace - her widowhood and the crisis of 1469-71 and the actual terrible nightmare of 1483-85 and#Simnel's rebellion against her family and the fact that her birth family kept dying with her#and then she herself died right around the time yet another Pretender was stirring and threatening her children. That's...A Lot.#Imho Elizabeth was THE adaptor of the Wars of the Roses - she repeatedly found herself in highly anomalous and#unprecedented situations and just had to survive and adjust every single time#But that's just...never talked about when it comes to her#There are so many aspects of her life that are potentially fascinating yet completely unexplored in scholarship or media:#Her official appointment in royal councils; her position as the first Englishwoman post the Norman Conquest to be crowned queen#and what that actually MEANT for her; an actual examination of the propaganda against her; how she both foreshadowed and set a precedent#for Henry VIII's english queens; etc#There hasn't even been a proper reassessment of her role in 1483-85 TILL DATE despite it being one of the most wildly contested#periods in medieval England#lol I guess that's what drew me to Elizabeth in the first place - there's a fundamental lack of interest or acknowledgement in what was#actually happening with her and how it may have affected her. There's SO MUCH we can talk about but historians have repeatedly#stuck to the basics - and even then not well#I guess I have more things to write about on this blog then ((assuming I ever ever find the energy)#also to be clear while the Yorkists did 'eat themselves alive' they also Won - the crisis of 1483-85 was an internal conflict within#the dynasty that was not related to the events that ended in 1471 (which resulted in Edward IV's victory)#Henry Tudor was a figurehead for Edwardian Yorkists who specifically raised him as a claimant and were the ones who supported him#specifically as the husband of Elizabeth of York (swearing him as king only after he publicly swore to marry her)#Richard's defeat at Bosworth had *nothing* to do with 'York VS Lancaster' - it was the victory of one Yorkist faction against another#But yes the traditional line of succession was broken by Richard's betrayal and the male dynastic line was ultimately extinguished.
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You know when you have a fanfic idea, have it all nice and plotted out and everything, but haven't written it yet, yet specific scenes are stuck in your brain already? Yeah that's me. and my artist curse is that I had to draw the scene or I was gonna implode! So you guys get zero context except this is for my wedding planner au-
#WAaDW au :>#fanart#mcyt#mcyt fanart#grian fanart#grian#now the four (4) times I've drawn him he has not been an avian which is cruel and unusual for me CAUSE I LOVE TO DRAW WINGS#SO MAKING HIM A HUMAN IN MY AU HAS BEEN WILD#anywho I gotta actually like start writing this fic I'm insane over it BUT I NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW REN AND MARTYN SPEAK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#very much implied scarian/desert duo but I'm not gonna tag that but like if you know you know#trafficblr#traffic smp#traffic series#traffic life#I promise when I actually write the au I will reblog it here with this drawing because my god it is in my brain so much EACH CHAPTER IS#MAPPED OUT I JUST GOTTA WRITE I SWEAR#I've learned how to plan a fuckign wedding so well through out this planning I SWEAR just GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR#life smp#Madi's art :>#okay I'll stop now BUT I have feelings and poor Ru and Jay are getting the brunt of them
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