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corviiids · 1 month ago

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hello thank you for asking i am very flattered. i would be most honoured to give some advice that i am most certainly unqualified to give!!

ok advice 1: hey why does everyone keep telling me to read and write a lot

i think this is the most commonly given advice. i have always found it true but incomplete, because on the face of it this kind of focuses a little too much on volume. which by itself just isn't going to do that much for you, or it will, but it'll do it very slowly and ineffectively, because the second part of this advice i don't see nearly as much (and the part that makes it work for me) is that after you read or write something you need to do The Why Interrogation. what are you looking for?

when you like something, why do you like it? not just in terms of copying and learning an author's stylistic quirks or techniques, but in a more abstract way:

is it the narrative? that the premise is novel, that the progression of the story is unexpected and thrilling, that the stakes are high?

is it the characters? what is it about them? do they have compelling backgrounds? does the author spend a lot of time in their heads? is the pov internal in a way that lets you experience the story from their shoes? does their biased narration tell you more about them? or is it a detached narration that lets you see the characters in a way they don't see themselves, so the gap is intriguing?

is it the telling? maybe the prose is beautiful - what makes it so? sentence structure? unconventional use of grammar and punctuation? elegant, sophisticated vocabulary? or maybe the dialogue is sharp and human so conversation flows naturally. is the story paced carefully? does the author linger more in certain moments?

the same exercise is useful for what ISN'T working.

if your attention is drifting, what's making it drift?

purple prose? clumsy prose?

does the narration drag?

do the characters feel stagnant, and why?

plot doesn't make any sense?

maybe this sounds obvious, but imo it's a crucial piece of the advice that i just don't see as much because people tend to focus on volume of works consumed/created. the reflection and analysis is what makes that volume useful, otherwise you're just churning through content. the question should always be why, why, why. why did that work, why didn't it work, why did i like this, why does it suck. then proceed to: if i were doing this, how could i make it work?

advice 2: don't forget that all the words you need already exist.

this is more subjective advice. this is something that works for me personally. so ymmv. have you ever tried magnet poetry? you should try magnet poetry.

i always see writing as kind of a puzzle. if i have an idea in my head, the idea exists. the job is actually a translation exercise: how do i express the thing in my head as a thing other people can see? in this way it's like visual art, but it's also not like visual art at all. in visual art you choose where all the lines and colours go, completely freely. any line you draw is a brand new line.

in language, all your parts already exist. all the words already exist. (you can make new ones if you want but that's a whole different thing.) you are plucking symbols out of a collective understanding. it is like lego. all you are doing is selecting the most effective pieces and placing them in order. so for me, i am simply trying to find the 'right' words to fit each context as best as possible. it becomes a game of arrangement, which determines your expression.

then syntax and punctuation become your rhythm, which is how you determine flow. sentence length, word length, whether you omit words or use more, whether you want to be a bit unconventional. character also plays into this - i am not writing an advice 3 because i am getting self conscious but advice 3 would have been consistency of voice.

so i would prioritise vocabulary and timing. what are you trying to say (which words do you pick) and how do you want the reader to experience your words, how do you want the words to feel and sound (how will you pace your sentences)? remembering that all the parts are already there. it is the world's biggest game of magnet poetry.

advice 3 which doesn't exist: keep your voice consistent.

this advice doesn't exist. im not writing this i got embarrassed and stopped at 2. but if i did write this it would say, remember who you are. (remember who is writing your story. are you a character or are you god? remember how much you know. remember which feelings you have access to.)

#i hope this helps #rookposting #writing

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genericpuff · 1 year ago

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welp, this kinda sucks

I'm currently at odds with the PC that I got a couple months ago, it's started freezing and soft-resetting randomly for seemingly no reason. It would usually be after hours of use that I could chalk up to the memory overloading, but now it's happening as soon as I boot up the frigging thing. And just to make it clear how much I've done on my own to diagnose the problem, our attempts to fix it have included the following:

Limiting startup applications

Running virus / malware scans

Swapping out display monitors

Updating the GPU drivers

Setting a lower overclock profile in the BIOS settings

Swapping out power cables and outlets to check for power surges

So far none of these things have worked and if anything, the issue has just gotten worse in the last two days. Like, it can barely make it to the startup screen sometimes, despite the memory and CPU usage being >20%, there is zero reason it would be the PC overclocking itself just from startup.

(and no, it doesn't even compel me, i'm just annoyed to shit LOL)

So I dropped it off with the guy who built it (he runs an electronics / pawn shop downtown that's very reputable and well-known so it's not like I don't trust him or anything, he's been building PC's for people in the area for years) and it's now in his care for the next day or two while he tries to isolate the problem. Right now the only thing I can imagine being the problem is the power supply or my display monitor, which is my old Huion Kamvas 22 Plus that still works as a monitor, just not a drawing tablet - but if something's still fucking around in the tablet, it could be causing problems through the PC, maybe.

When I dropped it off with the guy, he went and set it up in his office and came out and told me that so far it seemed to be running just fine, when he asked me if I was doing anything specific I told him it was crashing even after startup so I gave him permission to overclock the shit out of it, run 53879205893 browser tabs, run my games, software, anything he needed to do to push it to its limits and see if he could replicate the problem.

I am terrified if it has to do with the motherboard, because that will be an expensive replacement that will also potentially lead to losing files / installations / etc. depending on how big an issue it is. It could also potentially be Windows 11 having a hissy fit especially seeing as how it's freezing up on startup, but doesn't freeze on the BIOS screen when it loads up in safe-mode after hard resets, so something is clearly happening between the hard boot-up and the startup of Windows 11 itself.

Thankfully I do have Google Drive sync support and plenty of external HDD's that I can back my stuff up to, but with the freezing and restarting getting as bad as it's been, I haven't been able to back anything up, and I don't want to risk doing it manually if it'll just freeze and potentially corrupt my files in the process. So I told the guy to call me if he needed to mess with anything concerning the system storage so that, if he could at least keep it running stable in the shop, then I could swing by and get everything I needed synced up safely before he messes around with anything.

It could also very well have something to do with the power supply itself, the house that I occupy the main floor of isn't exactly built with electric optimization in mind, we've had fuses blow on us before just from running the hair dryer at the same time as the TV, so if it's something to do with the PC drawing too much power for the electrical system here to keep up with, either (hopefully) the guy will be able to instruct me on how to lower and manage that power intake through the PC's BIOS (I believe you can but I'm still a massive noob on custom builds and I don't want to go tinkering with it myself) or, idk, maybe I'll have to get my landlord to drop by again with his electrician and check out the fuses to make sure they're all operating properly. I'm not an electrician either, so fuck if I know at this point what could be going on. I feel like it can't be the house itself because everything else is running fine and it's just become a recent issue, but our city's power grid is also not exactly praised for being good at its job, especially not in the winter.

So yeah, I'm a little - well, a lot - stressed right now, but all I can really do at this point is wait. Fortunately, I have my iPad and also remembered that I still have my old PC, so I've hooked it up, at best if the problem repeats itself on this PC then I'll know it has to do with the display monitor, at worst I'll just be stuck working with my clunky old hardware for a couple days, which is annoying, but it'll get the job done. Fortunately I had the newest episode of Rekindled uploaded to the cloud in Clip Studio so I can still download it and work on it, which was my biggest worry when everything started to go belly-up (next to just, like, having a working PC).

Sooooo yeah. It's annoying, but I'm hoping for the best. Send good vibes y'all, I really could use it rn, between this and slow traffic at work and some other personal shit that's been going on, it's been a shitty few days (╥﹏╥)

And yeah, I'll keep y'all updated on if it affects this week's update, it really shouldn't honestly as most of the work left is doable from both my iPad and PC, but obviously at this point anything can happen so if anything has to be postponed or changed to accommodate the current situation, I'll update y'all as soon as I can! Thanks everyone, y'all are the best, wish me luck <3

#self post #computer problems

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ihopesocomic · 7 months ago

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Sorry for the mini-essay but I think people massively underestimate how much hard work and dedication goes into a Passion Project. People think that creators who make free content, who do their work as a hobby and not as a job, must only get enjoyment out of it.

That’s not how it works. Doing it purely because you want to doesn’t automatically make the more challenging, frustrating, or (gasps) TIME CONSUMING parts of the project any less burdensome. If anything, it makes it worse because you aren’t being paid for all of that labor. You’re just doing it for the sake of doing it, and as rewarding as it can be, it can also be demanding.

Im finally publishing a fanfic for the first time and don’t get me wrong, it’s been great to get feedback on my work and interact with a community. I love that there are usernames and profile pictures I can actually identify because they’re regulars on my work.

But does that mean I don’t have to constantly redo work because I don’t like how it turned out? No. Does that mean I always update on time? No. Never get burnout? No. I still very much go through all of the things paid writers do, because the Creative Process is difficult and demanding no matter what they paycheck is or isn’t.

And all of that is just if you guys WERE missing updates, which you’re NOT. So like… these complaints are not only very entitled and ignorant, but also just confusing. People really just be mad for the sake of being mad, I guess?

Anyways yeah, free content creators are still content creators, and passion-driven hard work is still hard work. You two are cranking out absolutely STUNNING visuals, compelling characters and engaging worldbuilding every single week and that’s amazing. Thank you for your hard work and I’m sorry about the twerps that don’t appreciate it enough!

Ah the price we pay for being human and having a brain, amirite haha

It's to be expected, to a certain point, that people simply don't understand that things like comics and cartoons take time. General impatience is something that can be ignored. If people asking for updates bothered us, we wouldn't post anywhere ever haha You gotta have at least SOME backbone if you want to do a comic. Or anything really.

Comics are a TON of work, and I knew this going in cuz I've done shorter comics before. It is not to be treated as if its easy. (Well, its easier than animating a whole series by yourself LOL) There's a lot of pre-comic planning that people don't tell you about. And that's just the stuff you have to do before you even start drawing. Of course this only applies to long-form storytelling, there's different rules for different kinds of comics.

And I won't even get into what it takes to making the comic itself, there's a lot of parts that need to be considered like formatting, time-management, what shortcuts you have to take to save on labor, and getting across as much information as you can in a short amount of time, while using mostly visuals. It's a skill, so it can be learned haha

A lot of doing comics is on-the-job training. Which I know can be frustrating for perfectionists, but from a reader's perspective, part of the joy of webcomics is seeing how far the art has come. And you can't exactly get out a webcomic if you keep redoing things over and over. You'll burn yourself out even faster. This is why it's important to have a plan lol it just makes it easier to adjust if you have to change things, than if you have no plan at all.

Even if RJ and I for whatever reason no longer felt passionate about this story, and wanted to move on to something else entirely, we wouldn't leave everyone hanging. We'd tell everyone what happens one way or another. Because too many people just abandon a story just to tell another one, and that's not fair to people who were here to read a story that appealed to them.

But the entitlement of people sucks, the constant heckling, the fact we can't moderate our own comment section, and more importantly Webtoons just sucks as a site anyway. - Cat

#ask #ask us stuff #cat answers #general comic stuff

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fushiglow · 1 year ago

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Do you think Gege can confirm Saturo and Suguru's relationship, will he say they loved each other or will he make a moment of them at the end of the mangá

In short, I wouldn't be surprised if Gege doesn't confirm any kind of romantic relationship between Satoru and Suguru, but if it's going to happen, I think it'll happen at the end of the manga like you suggest. I actually have a lot of thoughts on this topic, so buckle up! Unfortunately, artists rarely get the creative freedom to tell the story they want to in exactly the way they want to. Homophobic attitudes still persist and it's highly possible that Gege Akutami's superiors won't risk sales by sanctioning the unambiguous depiction of a romantic relationship between two male characters. However, they would potentially deem it more permissible at the end of the manga when it's less likely to have a significant impact on profits. It sucks, but it's the unfortunate reality of the situation.

However, I think there's an argument that Gege censored Gojō's last words to Getō as a way of reclaiming control of the narrative for himself. Jujutsu Kaisen often depicts a clash between traditional attitudes and more progressive thinking, and Gojō embodies that more than anyone else in the series.

He openly criticises the higher ups that maintain the status quo, but recognises that he can't force change by taking drastic action alone. Therefore, he settles for creating a sea change slowly, playing by the rules to achieve his goals, bending them but never breaking them — and I think that's what Gege did with Jujutsu Kaisen 0.

Let's imagine that Gege wanted to tell the tragic love story between Gojō Satoru and Getō Suguru but knew he'd never be able to get it published in a mainstream shōnen manga anthology. Instead, he includes it as an intriguing B-plot in a tale about a boy and a girl cursed by love, deliberately creating heavy parallels with the main story.

By doing that, he avoids having to address the exact nature of the relationship between the characters in the B-plot, because they're not the main characters. However, even though he can't explicitly address the nature of the relationship, he ensures that readers understand the gravity of it by including a scene where Satoru utters something to Suguru at the emotional climax of the volume while keeping the actual words he says a secret.

It's clear to the reader from the way Suguru responds and the context of the scenes surrounding it that there is love between these two characters — it's just the type of love that's up for debate, but that's where I think it's really smart. Rather than having his work censored by editors, Gege censored it himself. By doing so, he generated a fascination with the scene among readers, perhaps drawing more attention to the relationship than if he'd included Satoru's words for everyone to see. To this day, the nature of their relationship remains one of the hottest points of discussion in the Jujutsu Kaisen fandom, and I think that speaks for itself.

So, Gege is Gojō, playing within the confines of the rules to achieve his goals, bending them but never breaking them, creating slow, meaningful change that way. But that's just my hypothesis!

Truthfully, I'm OK with their relationship remaining unconfirmed because of everything I've just said. For me, the relationship is compelling because it's implied in tiny, beautiful ways but never confirmed. I don't think it's queerbaiting because it's never been the main selling point of Jujutsu Kaisen, and Getō was already dead when the events of the main story began, so most of the relationship development is done retroactively through Hidden Inventory in order to further Gojō's story.

As I already explored in my pre-236 analysis of Gojō, until very recently Gege kept Gojō at a distance from everyone as a way of demonstrating his isolation. By keeping his eyes covered up and his cursed technique active, no one can get close to Gojō. We don't get to know how he's feeling or what he's thinking, but characters and readers still make a lot of incorrect assumptions about him — more on that here. For his relationship with Getō to be yet another thing that people speculate about, saying with absolute certainty that it's one thing or another, is kind of beautiful to me.

Of course, I'm not going to be upset if Gege *does* confirm their relationship before the end of the manga — if only because it'll shut down a certain section of the fandom that insists shippers are merely projecting romantic implications onto the subtext, as though it's possible to neatly place relationships between friends and relationships between lovers into entirely separate boxes.

Having said that, as the reaction to 236 shows, not even Gojō directly telling us how he feels is enough to prevent people from thinking they know better — so maybe even official confirmation wouldn't be enough to convince some people!

That really shouldn't matter anyway. Something I've really enjoyed over the last year is seeing more and more people come around to the idea that perhaps Gojō and Getō *were* more than friends after all, especially those people who would usually criticise others for 'ruining shōnen' with shipping. That's the slow sea change I'm talking about!

Thanks for the question, I really enjoyed thinking about this ♥

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #呪術廻戦 #jjk meta #jjk analysis #jjk spoilers #gojo satoru #geto suguru #satosugu #sugusato #glo's analysis #ask fushiglow

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satubby · 2 years ago

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Hello! How are you? I love your account you earned one more followers! I wanted to make a request if it is not too much to ask. Can you be sfw and nsfw headcanons (in a romantic relationship) with Makima in the male version of her? please! I really would like you to attend to my request and I hope you have a good day.

[Note: Am I dreaming? Why if that's the case... don't wake me up, AHHHH!!!! ♡♡♡ Thanks for asking, I rarely (ever) get this and I'm grateful. I hope you like what I wrote because I was lazy to finish the drawing that I had originally planned. I leave you a chibi that I did in the genshin impact style LMAO]

Well it depends on where you are in your relationship. Unlike Makima, Makime is more openly seductive and is not afraid to use his charm, he is very self-centered about it.

Since I'm based on my fanfic, Makime is your boss in the fourth section of public security and you usually see him but try to stay out of it while hanging out with the boys.

Since you asked for headcanons, I'll go two ways, first I'll do the SFW and then the NSFW because I want to dedicate more time to that one since I suck writing intimate acts.

Tokens of appreciation:

Makime would show her appreciation in a peculiar and somewhat twisted way at worst. He could offer eloquent compliments and sweet flattery, but always with a hidden agenda. His words may be framed in lies and manipulations, it is likely that he seeks to obtain something in return, for example... Your entire disposition and love for him.

If you are at the beginning of the relationship, he would seek to attract you with simple gifts that you would not expect from him, for example: Roses, money or bonuses from your salary. Well, he knows you don't trust him.

If you are already more confident, he could show his appreciation through such simple acts as leaving you with less workload or pairing you up with him so you don't endanger yourself on more important missions [Which is more of an excuse to keep an eye on you and silently study you in case that he still did not declare his love openly]. He would be constantly watching over you, making sure you were safe and removing any perceived threats [Whether he was actually dangerous to you or just out of jealousy].

Makime might offer quirky and unique gifts that reflect her knowledge of your likes and interests. However, these gifts could be more manipulative than genuine intent. Sometimes just looking for a reaction from you, whether positive or not, he just wants you to pay attention.

You are really confused by their actions, sometimes you feel compelled to accept their gifts, good or bad.

Romance type:

The romance with Makime would be an emotional roller coaster. Spending time with him could be exciting and exciting, but also dangerous and exhausting. His cunning and manipulative personality would create an intense dynamic, full of mind games at the worst. Well, since I'm basing myself on the events of my Fanfic: A peach between apples, you constantly doubt the intentions of the red-haired demon since you know its nature from its original version, Makima.

Makime would seek to maintain absolute control in the relationship, although he would secretly like to have sweet moments without forcing you to participate in them, but it will only happen when he is sure that you will not let him. He can be possessive and jealous, showing his darker side if he feels you are slipping out of his control or if you have been a brat to him.

The romance with Makime, as I said, is quite nuanced and since he doesn't know the feeling of human-style love, he grew up in isolation [I guess?] He could make you feel uncomfortable without meaning to but he's still a son of a bitch, so he doesn't care about your reactions a lot, he just wants to see you nervous and/or any other emotion, you're interesting.

He would always be hiding parts of himself and revealing little clues as the relationship progresses or that he already has the certainty that you will not betray him, that you will be his completely. These secrets and gradual revelations could lead to a complicated and ambiguous emotional connection since you don't fully understand their actions.

At times Makime can be cold and insensitive to your feelings, but when he's jealous or vulnerable, he drops his cunning and prideful facade, to be twistedly soft on you. Their gifts in these cases would be more intimate, giving you things that they know you like. In his strange and sadistic way, he gives you someone's heart or kills in front of you, which leaves you quite traumatized because it is not pretty to see someone literally explode or see how their insides turn inside out (that is, the skin and organs come out of the inside ). These cases only occur when he is in a bad mood or wants to punish you.

Types of names and nicknames that Makime uses with you:

Makime's nicknames towards you influence his impressions, at the beginning of meeting you she would call you little employee or lamb, because in his eyes you look like a nervous lamb in front of its predator.

As they are already closer or in a relationship that is not [clearly if] forced, he would call you: Little doll, little rabbit or puppy.

In cases where he is in a bad mood, he usually uses demeaning names like: Pet, my prize, Dumb human or needy bitch [but these last names are more in the NSFW context].

Particularly when he is feeling most intimate and vulnerable, he often calls you my treasure, love (if not very creative) angel or princess.

You walked the streets of Tokyo, checking your makeup and everything. Makime had summoned you for something, with the control demon you never knew what he would do next or even his intentions towards you. You saw makime sitting down having a coffee, you approached him by sitting on it and adjusting the wrinkles in your clothes.

"Makime-san.... Did you need me for something? Normally I don't expect you to invite me to these types of places without it being for celebration or work reasons, your invitation and interest in me really surprises me" You said something nervous but trying to hide your discomfort or worst case scenario, those many doubts that run in your mind about this situation.

Makime looked at his glass of espresso as if it were interesting, only making you more uncomfortable at his non-response. Then he smiled widely and looked at you, what you didn't know is that this was just an excuse to spend time with you. He could practically see you anywhere and yet he preferred moments like these even if they weren't (if they are) forced. But he just wants alone time without those jerks following you around like roaches attached to food.

The redhead comes out of his thoughts about Aki, Powa and Denji turning to you again looking at you with an amused and calm smile while those piercing golden eyes follow your movements from head to toe, scrutinizing you.

"Sure... *Sigh*, you're kind of right, I invited you for a coffee, there's no problem with that... so just relax and don't try to see the devil's horn in everything, okay?" Here a sip of his coffee, while he smiles, that fucking smile that just gets on your nerves, you notice that he gives you an aura of great power when he sits near you, you start to wonder if there is something else he wants.

You don't want to be by his side, you hate even looking at him because you feel constantly violated and exposed, you hate the feeling and the bastard knows it, he enjoys getting nervous like you can't imagine.

"Makime-san, if you only called me for this I see no point in staying..." You were getting hysterical, you wanted to hit him even if it meant getting killed in the process, you still got up bowing and starting to leave. Yeah If you stayed longer, you wouldn't know whether to hit them out of irritation or the simple fact of wasting your time. Damn, you never understood their actions and that frustrates you, it's like a game of egos between tug and pull.

It wasn't until hands bigger than your arm grabbed you tightly, giving you a sharp twist, making you collide with the redhead's chest. Your face pressed against his chest, feeling the beating of his heart, although thinking about it more thoroughly you didn't know if it was just the sound he imitated to avoid raising suspicions. The breath on the helix¹ of your ear as you inevitably turned red. Instinctively you wanted to push him but he held you tighter in his arms as he whispered your name loving that blush coming from you.

You see him with a calm look, not knowing that you are telling him what he wants to hear: Those beats in your chest indicating that he was the cause of these... No one else and that puts him in a better mood.

With calm eyes, he looks at your lips and back into your eyes, he comes a little closer to you, caresses your cheek tenderly and looks at you with a more intense look. This only makes the knot in your stomach that has been building up for these few minutes increase and become more tangled like the spaghetti you ate yesterday for dinner.

"I just want to see you by my side. Isn't that enough for you?" He says with a sweet and seductive voice, he smiles a little at you, but his golden eyes look at you intensely with mixed emotions. You know that everything has an intention behind it and you don't want to give in to his whims.... But God!!, how you wanted to keep looking and admit that despite being a son of a bitch and a cunning manipulator, he's damn attractive.

You continued to stare at Makime, trying to figure out his true intentions. You felt a mixture of tension and longing inside of you, fighting against your own contradictory feelings. His closeness and his caresses disturbed you, but at the same time they attracted you in a way that you could not help.

"I don't know if that's enough for me," you replied with a shaky voice, trying to keep your guard up. "There are still many things I don't understand about you, Makime-san. I can't just get carried away by your sweet words and gestures. I don't trust you completely and we barely speak to each other."

He looks at you with a 'kind' smile on his lips and sees that his eyes become duller than usual, you avoid looking at them any longer with an insecure look, he knows you're nervous but you don't let him see everything.

"Trust takes time, you will give it to me sooner or later, you will have no other choice"

His gaze only pierces yours and his eyes remain that hypnotic golden color with those rings in them, hypnotizing you and he begins to caress your thigh with his hand.

Then as if something bewitched both of them, their lips slowly approached and he kisses your lips, nibbles your tongue and lips. Loving every inch of your mouth, your mind at this point is blurry and so you let yourself go.

[Sorry if I don't put the NSFW content yet, but I need to write that part properly and since I have a knot in my head, I need to organize myself with my creative ideas. I hope you liked it and I'm sorry if there are mistakes in the pronouns, my understanding of English is the same as a 3 year old :P]

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prismatoxic · 10 months ago

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the infantilize and dehumanization of half-foots always tug at my heart. I feel like that aspect doesn't get brought up enough. I haven't looked at all the supplementary material yet but half-foots and beastmen have quiet a bit in common with regards to that. (also gives more fuel to chil+izutsumi bonding)

I recently read a chilchuck fic by starkraving which is not for the faint heart but i highly recommend if you keep the tags in mind. its super unfortunate and gets under the skin, but its what i can see what happens to the average half-foot. honestly it makes me feel emotional bout chilchuck and his drive to protect his people.

it's part of why a lot of my fic's premise hinged on chilchuck being at a disadvantage, and will continue to explore that as i go. it's an element of his character that i find very compelling, even as gut-wrenching as it is to think about. ryoko kui is very good at not drawing 1:1 parallels to real world bigotry while also giving us stories about oppression that i think are very relatable.

she's also good at not writing things being perfect--systems fail, people can suck, most things cannot be fixed in a day. even so, chilchuck is doing something to better the lives of his people as much as he can. mickbell, who doesn't understand the point of a union or how one works, sees him as a greedy miser, and that's not chilchuck's problem--mickbell is hardly the only one who feels that way, i'm sure. pursuing him isn't worth it when there are half-foots out there who will accept helping fund the guild in exchange for having someone advocate for them. he's doing his best, for the greater good of his community... a community that's been beaten down and disregarded by the other races for far too long.

agreed on the beastman thing also. definitely something to think about...

#tox answers #the fic is probably too much for me to handle but i hope posting this gives some people the incentive to go read it!

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callmearcturus · 2 years ago

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hey arc, classpect the MI team + villains (:

Okay yeah I deserve that. But I'm not classpecting anyone who is only in one movie, I refuse. I need more material.

So let's start with the obvious.

Ethan Hunt is an Heir of Light, which may parse as someone who is manipulated/played by/acts as the avatar of luck/agency/relevance. Light is the aspect of the script, the narrative, the spotlight. It is the driving force that keeps the story going simply because the story HAS to be told.

My recurring thing with Ethan is that I don't think he's great at plans. I think he's incredibly skilled at rolling the dice and figuring out the next hour of his life, and then he has to figure out the next hour after that, over and over. It is EXHAUSTING. He's like a perpetual motion machine but you can see the cracks and hear how the gears grind.

But he can't stop. In a very real sense, the narrative is centered on the fact he will not stop. He weirdly almost has the Unspoken Plan Guarantee as a superpower... But for it to work, he has to keep going.

The deal that fate has dealt Ethan is "oh you will succeed and you will win, but you will keep running until you reach that point." If at any point he gives in and stops, everything collapses around him. IT. SUCKS.

Luther is a Mage of Void, I think. His aspect was difficult to nail down but his class absolutely has to be Mage. He's a passive team player and his utility is 99% knowledge. But what separates him from a Seer or Sylph is that yes he can be compelled to do exposition and shit when necessary, but mostly, if he can answer a question with "Because I'm the best at this, baby," then he will. He is not compelled to infodump in the way other classes are.

As for why Void, it's difficult to nail down but basically I think Luther is there to explain very twisty concepts that revolve around obsession. Void is the aspect of Obsession, and Luther as a Mage does deal hands-on with the aspect, yeah, but he has more of an observational role over it than other classes. So he's the one to teach Julia how to be a ghost, he's the one to fnd Ethan when he's hidden, and he's the one to explain Ethan's whole Thing to Ilsa. He's the guy who understands the inexplicable, and hoards that understanding like a dragon.

Benji Dunn is a Rogue of Blood. I mean, obviously, right? Benji tricks you at first because he's a tech guy, he's a gadget guy, he's an answers guy (in the way that Luther isn't, actually), so you want to go "oh he's a Doom or Time or something".

But nope, Benji's got blood in the lines of his hands and it's the well-spring he draws from. Blood is the aspect of Obligation, and of leadership. Obviously Ethan is the factual leader of the team, but it's not a coincidence that Benji is the one to direct Ethan, to give the objectives, and in RN flat out acts as Ethan's tether to reality when he's going off the deep end. As a bonus, he's protected by Blood as well. Ilsa sees him through a sniper scope and immediately saves him before she's even met him because of course. Of course she does. Benji compels people so easily to what he wants and needs.

And its also not a coincidence that Solomon grabs him out of everyone. He steals the anchor everyone is tied to, and you can almost see the blood red rope between Ethan and Benji snapping violently taut the moment it happens. It's like Ethan's chained to a runaway train, he has no choice BUT to save Benji.

Ilsa Faust is a Prince of Mind in my opinion. This one parses a in service to the aspect of skepticism. Settling on Ilsa's aspect was difficult but to me, her defining struggle is that she's surrounded by all these rules and crossing loyalties and objectives from multiple people, the entire world is pressing down on her... but she doesn't really care. Oh, she says that she does, she says she has to do this, this is how she makes it home, but what do her actions say?

To me, they say Ilsa is skeptical of everything trying to bind her, and at the end of the day she propels the plot simply by making her own choices. She's the one who chooses her path and says "No, but" to everyone, the perfect inverse of Ethan's improvisational nature.

And she gains power as she does it. When she says, "No, but" she changes things for everyone. Like any Prince, she is incredibly potent, but acts like a sword in a sheath, the potential humming through her until she springs into decisive action. And again, with the Prince class, when the player is in service to their aspect, it gives them phenomenal power. When they resist their aspect, they are punished. Every time Ilsa gives into the powers trying to control her, she's miserable and used like a pawn.

So yeah I'm p comfortable saying she's Prince of Mind.

SHOCKING NO ONE, Brandt is Maid of Doom. lmao. This parses as one burdened by the aspect of inevitability. I don't even need to think about this one. Doom players are good at understand the systems that have everyone crushed under a boot. They know the laws and the bylaws and the commonplace agreements that keep the system in place, and they're annoyed at it all... but they also know how to play that game, who is important, where they can pry a place for themselves. That's Brandt, who basically quits the field and becomes operations because he knows the team needs cover, and he knows how to provide it, and god-fucking-dammit, SOMEONE has to keep the lights on at home.

And Maid? Maids are one of the Tired classes, and Brandt is sooooo fucking tired all the time. The eternal pessimist. Maids have an abundance of their aspect and thus provide it to their team. They also want something that their aspect keeps them from attaining, and in this case I think of "Doom" as "the CIA-IMF" and the thing Brandt needs is to fucking retire. Stop having a job, Brandt.

The only other character I think I can classpect is Solomon goddamn Lane, and oh, he's a Seer. There is no fucking question that Solomon is a Seer. Nailing down what he's a Seer of is more difficult though.

I kind of wanna say he's a Seer of Blood. Knowledge of the aspect of obligation to serve others. Everything about how he functions is about people's bonds. He knows how to get the right people who have been abused by their organizations and governments, he knows how to put people together in a room to force new connections, he openly admits that his weapon against Ethan was the moment he killed the young agent in front of Ethan's eyes. He sees all the red strings and he tries to garrote people with them.

Seers are also very active people in the story, they are always pulling bullshit, and Solomon Lane never stops being a petty fucking asshole pretending to be a calm, reasonable man. Seers fucking loooooove acting aloof and above it all when really they are dramatic and addicted to revenge.

THAT'S EVERYONE, HERE YOU GO PUNCT.

#mission impossible #whomstve

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pokemon-ash-aus · 2 years ago

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so,

when i saw your first comic, i honestly initially kept scrolling like "oh TC is being sweet and reblogging some kid's comic, whatever." the art was rough and wasn't my thing. i don't know which panel made me stop, i think the one where indigo and ash were in those tubes and leaned against one another? it made me go back and actually read it.

since then, i've been genuinely impressed by your ideas, your writing skills, and above all, by how much your art has improved. i have a story of my own i'd love to make a comic of, but i don't have the courage to do so. you did, and your creativity and dedication to doing what you love has helped you to flourish in a way someone as cowardly as me and those anons never could.

i can't imagine what compels people to send hate to anyone, much less an earnest creator who's making content for nothing but their own happiness, but you don't deserve it. you wouldn't deserve it even if your shit sucked, honestly, but the fact that your stuff objectively rocks makes this all the more bizarre.

keep doing you, bud.

Anon

Thank you so much for the kind words! You arent wrong to say that was i did was rough- it really was at the time but definitely not a kid XD

I knew how to draw, but drawing Mewtwos and pokemon (that werent Pikachu) were a whole different batch

But seriously- dint be afraid to share out what you can. I didnt do this for the fame or anything. I just wanted to share something that was plaguing my mind. And even if you dont think it will do well, its always fun to post anyway!

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sailorsunspot · 2 years ago

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I think it's just time for me to admit that actually, in the like 8+ years I've spent playing ttrpgs, I've only had a few truly fun experiences playing DnD 5e.

to be fair to dnd, it was always going to be a lift to keep me around as generic fantasy and high fantasy is NOT compelling or interesting to me in the slightest, so what I think is a main draw of some folks is something i have at best tolerated. But like setting and genre aside, it plays like two separate games - the social part and the combat part, and GUESS WHICH ONE IS IMPORTANT. (I understand that this is DM specific, but also! Argue that the mechanics of the game teach people how to play/DMs how to DM, so at best this is a "the source material severely encourages this" rather than "the game is only about this"),

I hate the combat in dnd. it so often feels repetitive and anti-creative, and I find myself wishing we could just fast forward through the fuckin' 12+ rounds of combat so the baddie can be dead or i can die and be released from this unengaging hellhole. pure spellcasters suck in combat - the bullshit limitation of "only one spell can be cast per round" is so fuckin' lame, spellcasters already dont get the 2+ attack rounds that melee classes get, and already have a resource that they have to expend to literally do anything, why is it a problem if they want to use a cantrip or double up on a spell in the few occasions where they have a bonus actionable spell that is actually applicable.

also all of the charm spells fucking suck ass- why even have them in the first place if the punishment for using them is "you get this minor benefit for an hour but 5 minutes later your target know that you specifically charmed them and will hate you forever".

and the social game is not much better - i cannot count how many times i start games excited to try something different and new and how EVERY ARC/ADVENTURE inevitably ends in "a big fight happens" and it…feels so inevitable that it's like, why do we even bother pretending like there's an alternative to being a murder hobo? why even try anything but running headfirst into the fray and killing everything in sight?

anyway this is a long rant to essentially say that I for one welcome the implosion of wizards of the coast and cannot wait to hasten its demise - and that I think I'm officially done playing dnd. If you like TTRPGs and find that you don't wholeheartedly enjoy the combat (because I do understand that for some people, that is the draw, different strokes for different folks and all), i encourage you to try different systems cause you might find you enjoy them way, way more! I've enjoyed my experience with less crunchy, more story-driven games SIGNIFICANTLY more than I ever have with dnd. I've particularly loved the powered by the apocalypse games, but there are so many other systems out there that could fit your specific niche! obviously i've been on my monsterhearts 2 kick, but I also had loads of fun playing Tales from the Loop, Blades in the Dark, and Trophy Dark. So yeah, try something new man! You might find that it better fits what you love

#ttrpg #anyway i just had to get this off of my chest #hasbro fucking with the dnd community and turning into the villains of the ttrpg world is a BLESSING to me specifically #good run it into the ground and break up this hegemony with your rampant greed plz #also imo #most people dont really like dnd they just like...roleplaying #GIRL PLAY A SYSTEM WHERE ROLEPLAYING IS ACTUALLY A MEANINGFUL AND INTEGRAL PART OF THE SYSTEM CAUSE #ITS NOT IN DND

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lastoneout · 1 year ago

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Hope you don't mind me chiming in, but like no you're right, and the reason imo is bcs the big difference between AI "art" and art made by an actual human person is that even when people are focused on honing their skill and producing "good" art, they are doing it bcs they love making art. The process of it is a HUGE part of what gives it value, and in the case of amateur art it's almost all about enjoying the process.

I mean if you look at a lot of people who create physical stuff, eventually they like actually have to start selling or giving the stuff they make away bcs if they don't they will run out of space in their home, and if they run out of space they can't make more, and they will almost ALWAYS want to make more. And like sometimes yes people will make something just bcs they want it and they'll keep it forever, but a lot of people who sew or sculpt or paint end up having a lot of their art pile up around them until they have to find a way to Get Rid Of It, yes even the stuff they are proud of, bcs it's about the process of making it, not the finished product.

That's one of the core issues with AI "art", it is not made bcs someone enjoys the process of creating art or feels compelled to create, it's made solely with the finished product in mind. It exists just to spit out a perfect product, the most polished, beautiful, marketable thing possible that can be immediately posted and shared and sold.

I think maybe like, people who advocate for AI "art" must have seen how common it is for artists to complain about how much writing or drawing or whatever sucks and assumed we were all being dead serious and thus don't understand why we aren't happy that they took the process out(looking at you grammarly ads about how thier AI will help beat your writer's block) but like that is a fundamental misunderstanding of why people make art. The process is the best fucking part. It's hard and we will complain, and we do appreciate SOME tools that make things a little easier, but if you completely get rid of the process of creation you've kinda like....gotten rid of the whole fucking point of art in the first place.

Anyway, I can tell I'm talking myself in circles but yeah, artists don't want to press a button and get a perfect painting, even when we say we do we are Fucking Joking, we actually DO want to paint(and write and sculpt and sew) because the finished product is not the point. The process is the point.

#sorry I just think the human drive to create is beautiful and should be nourished #I mean I describe writing as like a compulsion #if I don't write and draw I'll go fucking insane #so why the hell would I want a program to do the writing and drawing for me #long post #AI art

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lifeisgoodwithgod · 22 days ago

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Lesson#1 - No hobby or passion in life

Hi, welcome to my blog :) I thought of blogging while I was on a walk. These are the times I usually start to have some talks with myself to understand what I have been rambling on inside my head all day. Hopefully what I share and understand about my life, might help some of y'all.

All my life I grew up thinking, I was not good at anything. And I still think that is true, nothing has changed. I never developed any good habits, I don't have any special skills and I am definitely not smart. With that, I am someone who is not good at drawing, singing, dancing, or anything creative and someone who is not interested in politics, current affairs, physics, maths, and the list goes on...

So, I started to think, what the heck am I here for? As humans, I should have something to look forward to in life. I always hear people say, "I took a risk and my life turned out for the better". I am so glad I started doing this XYZ as a hobby, now it's my passion". All my life I never had anything that I wanted to risk for or turn something into an opportunity, it has been and will continue to be mundane. But I noticed that this mundanity is a blessing and privilege. I started to realize, that the skills I possibly "lack" don't mean I lack as a human being nor I don't have a purpose.

There are definitely some skills or passions that cannot be gained as an individual but there are infinite things we can do in this world that possibly don't require skills or money even!

I can't draw at all but I can doodle? isn't that easy to do and requires no skill. I hate going to the gym and suck at using the equipment but I enjoy walking and recently running has been quite interesting. Isn't that easy to do as God has blessed me with 2 legs to run and 2 eyes to see the beauty around me? I am not good at speaking but I enjoy talking to my family and people I meet in life who make me comfortable, isn't that easy to do? I don't enjoy reading at all especially pieces of literature, news, or science-related topics, but I do find a bit of interest in reading stories about people's lives. It's not hard to start as a habit of reading 5 pages compulsorily every day or on a train ride which then will make you curious to what's the ending of the book and compel yourself into reading the book automatically.

I really think a lot of us see other individuals living with full passion for what they are doing at work, or as a hobby, and makes us think what are we even good at? Obviously, our brain will go into that negative spiral and say "Nothing" and then we will associate ourselves as humans with no skills unknowingly.

And that is not true at all, we don't necessarily need "skills" or passion to drive us every day or look forward to in life. Little things like this will bring us joy and that little joy if we keep repeating and building it in our everyday routine, we will slowly start to look forward to doing it, and then who knows one day that might even turn out into the so-called "skill" we lacked as a human!

Take a small step and list all the things you are not good at and try to learn how to not associate these certain skills you lack with being a human who is not good at anything. Then make a list of things from the list of skills you are not good at to what you can enjoy a little if you start incorporating them as a hobby.

#No passion #No hobby #LifeLessons #PerspectiveOfLife

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telesodalite · 2 months ago

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Thinking about a TES au again, for uh, reasons that totally have nothing to do with my choice of sleepytime ambience tonight.

Ramble below, since it's mostly for myself, as like an idea to maybe come back to. Idk.

Ok, so, specifically, I'm thinking about werewolf Fulcrum rn.

Like, Fulcrum being a werewolf is something in particular that keeps drawing my attention back to this au. As it's both really funny to me and also sort of compelling at the same time?

Like, it's not the same as being turned into a bomb, obviously. With the bomb thing, it's him being forcibly turned into a weapon of mass destruction in the most finite way possible as punishment. But then he never blows up, and his capacity to explode is nipped in the bud fairly quickly, (if you ignore the 3 million years worth of extended nap time), and that's great for him of course! Not having an explosive device in your stomach surely is a grand feeling. Happy for him. Really. But?

What if it didn't work out so conveniently? What if that capacity to destroy was still there? Not just as a deadly foreign aspect lodged inside his frame, but as something running through his blood, and set deep in his bones? Something that couldn't be removed so easily? As an infection of the body, and a curse upon the soul?

Again, it's not something that directly and perfectly translates. But, it's an interesting twist, imo. Also it's just fun.

I mean?

4 vampires, (r.i.p flywheels, killed and absorbed by bloodknights serving "justice" in the name of their lord, smh) and one werewolf, unknowingly on the path to vampirism as its his best bet as a cure, plus also a very large, very scary, (and sad), warrior spat out of one the layers of hell (oblivion, but more specifically, the deadlands) , sounds like the perfect party for an awful fantasy romp =]

So like, all the others are used to the whole, "society sees me as an outcast, and sometimes even as a monster", but Fulcrum is freshly (or not so freshly, thanks to some 100+ magically frozen years) now considered a freak of nature, and that takes a bit to cope with mayhaps.

Everytime he turns he's terrified of what he might do, who he may hurt, or whether he'll even be able to turn back once it's over.

But for the first few times, where he has less control and is just mindlessly following these new instincts, it's just the most useless attempt to hunt rabbits or birds the rest of the group has ever seen. And they found him covered in blood, having assumedly totally killed the hell out of something. But nope, not at all the killing machine they were all almost cautiously excited to see happen, just something with the coding to be a killing machine, but none of the want or skill.

After multiple failed attempts, and him sadly dragging himself around like a starved dog, Spinister just takes it as a fun opportunity to go hunting themselves, and promptly bags a whole bear easily. Ofc, while Fulcrum sucks at hunting, he still has the stomach of a beast now, and instinctively digs in before they can even cook it, which is just a preference, not a necessity with their states. And there's where they find their monster, at the dinner table, right along with them.

After some months pass, and he gets a bit of a grip on it, each uncontrollable turn becomes more of a nuisance. Most tasks he'd do normally, aren't exactly feasible with this form, so it's a lot of sitting around, and staring, and getting unsolicited pets, on purpose from Misfire, and subconsciously from Krok, and laying in the sun or under the stars, imagining not being a werewolf as he tries his best to ignore the urge to bite and tear that persists endlessly.

But sometimes, oh sometimes, something happens that gives him the perfect excuse to do just that, and give in to Hircine's "gift".

Like vampire hunters taking Misfire, and the rest of the group being unable to get to him back, because they too are vampires, and are vulnerable, and itd be a death sentence to try. But Fulcrum isn't vulnerable to these hunter's specialized bolts and magics, because they made one fatal error in not covering all their bases when they started hunting down these "abominations".

So you take months of repressed urges, and a fort full of people that once, in a life before now, he might've applauded for protecting that fragile image of a society he once believed in, who now have and plan to brutally kill one of the few people he cares more than anything about, and... well? What do ya think happens?

Obviously one big ol' bloodbath later, and Misfire walks out of that fort as perfectly alive as the living dead can be, with a whole lot of lunch just laid out across the earth and stonework waiting for him. Not really aware that his very tired and very uncomfortably bloodstained savior might like a genuine "thank you" rather than an offered organ he just pulled from some dead knight's shredded armor with an easy going smile and a "want some?".

(Fulcrum saving Misfire from death row is one of my fav scenes, I will absolutely find a way to work it in as many aus as I can.)

So, anyways, years pass, and Fulcrum comes to terms with it all. Sort of accepting that he may be like this forever. But it's not all too bad, bcs he's got people he cares about now, and maybe they might all outlive him, and he might end up in the eternal hunt against his will when he inevitably dies, but at least he lived and loved for a while. But then he finally learns what all his options are cure-wise:

1. Seeking out a mage from the guild who may or may not cure him, but either way it costs more gold than he could easily aquire, no refunds if it fails.

2. Find a witch willing to cure him by kidnapping some random innocent to attack and infect before ultimately killing them in a ritual that frees him but condemns another.

3. Find a very powerful witch, fight her, win, take her head, and use its magic to summon and fight and kill the spirit of his affliction, severing its ties from his soul.

or 4. Simply just, trade lycanthropy for vampirism in a ritual he could've done years ago at this point, ya know, if his friends actually knew what all they themselves were capable of.

He'd be upset about it, but the rest of group literally had no clue they could just do that for him, except, maybe Spin, but then again, Fulcrum never asked them about it, so why would they mention it?

The rest of them had even bitten him before already, even tho his blood would be gross to them, or they had given him their blood before, bcs vamp blood has healing properties in the right dose, never once knowing that they could combine both in a ritual.

Spinister, being the longest lived of them, would have the strongest strain of vampirism. Followed by Krok, whom they infected. Then Misfire, who'd been infected by Thundersaur. And finally Crankcase, who'd been turned most recently by either Krok or Misfire, only a few years before they stumbled across Fulcrum and Grimlock.

So- and I'm running out of steam as I jot all this down -but so in this order, they'd do the ritual. Not that they each have to, only one "donor" is required to infect, but they're a group, so they do it together to keep things "fair".

So they fill something with a bit of each of their blood, then take turns draining him of all his blood, which is kinda ouchies and very dangerous to both him and them, since, they could go too far and kill him too much, or he could turn and kill them all mindlessly to protect himself.

But they do it well enough. Fulcrum only dies the right amount after being snacked on, before they then have him choke down their fun party punch bowl of shared blood to replace what was taken.

After one very long blood coma for Fulcrum, and a bit of worrying from everyone else. Finally. Congratulations. It's a vampire 🎉

"You will not make another au with the Scavengers" I repeat to myself again and again as I look through my games library and notes

#i swear to god. one of these days ill write one of these silly self indulgent aus #the mando one was tempting. but this and the bioshock one are especially nagging #the fantasy/horror genres call to me. but the current blorbos persist. just gotta throw them together ig #idk #goodnight tho. or good morning ig lol <3

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queen-haq · 3 years ago

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Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 17

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language and smut.

Words: ~3300 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost…

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16

Part 17

Billy couldn’t stop gawking at you, wondering how it was possible you grew more beautiful each time he saw you. The red wrap dress you were wearing accentuated all your curves, and it took every bit of willpower he had not to rip it off of you and fuck you senseless right then and there. Unfortunately, he had to behave himself. Caravan was a pretty bouji place that had recently been labelled as one of the hottest restaurants in Manhattan and he had to pull a few strings to get a last-minute reservation for tonight. But seeing the smile on your face when you realized this was where you were dining had been completely worth all the hassle.

As the hostess guided the two of you to your table, he noticed a few assholes at the bar admiring you from afar. Immediately he snaked his arm around your waist to draw you in closer. You were his. If he could he’d pluck out every one of those fuckers’ eyes so they never made the mistake of looking at you again. Better yet, he’d keep you locked behind closed doors. Of course you wouldn’t agree to anything like that because you were too goddamn independent for your own good.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, taking a seat at your designated table.

Billy’s attention returned to your face as he followed suit, his gaze inhaling you in. “You look too hot. Too many assholes staring at you,” he grumbled.

The worried look on your face was replaced with a beaming smile, one that made his cock twitch.

“You’re being ridiculous” you remarked, scanning the menu.

His eyes drifted down to your chest, the swell of your soft, supple breasts just begging to be kissed and licked by him.

“Stop staring at my boobs, Billy,” you chastised even as a small smile graced your lips. “This is a proper first date. You can’t just ogle me like that. You have to behave like a gentleman.”

He quirked his eyebrow. “Sweetheart, I’ve never been that.”

“Well, try,” you ordered.

The waitress came by with the bottle of red wine you’d requested and poured some in both of your glasses. He noticed the redhead giving him a friendly smile, her green eyes lingering on him for a second too long. Fine, yeah, she may have been hot but she wasn’t you. No one was. So while he would have happily slipped her his number in the past, now the idea of being with someone who wasn’t you no longer excited him.

Once she left, he took the opportunity to move a few inches closer to you. What he really wanted was to get on his knees and bury his head between your legs, but something told him eating you out in in the crowded restaurant wouldn’t go over very well with you.

“I think she likes you.”

Hand propped on the back of your chair, he started playing with your hair. “Who?”

“Our waitress. She didn’t look at me once, her eyes were on you the entire time.”

He leaned in, ecstatic at the thought of you acting possessive. Even though you’d confessed to having feelings for him, Billy still worried you were ready to bolt at any moment. To see you jealous meant you genuinely cared and he didn’t have to worry about you leaving him. “She’s not my type. I have my eyes on someone else.”

You made a show of looking around the restaurant. “Oh, is Madani here too?”

“Funny,” he retorted, taking your hand in his.

“Your ginger’s lucky. I’m dressed way too nice or I’d take my knife and stab her with it.”

He smirked. “You’re vicious when you’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous. I just don’t like bad service.”

“Bullshit.”

“Billy, you’re hot. You know that. All the women here are checking you out. If I freaked out every time someone did that, I’d have a breakdown.”

He wanted to destroy the fucking world at the thought of someone even looking at you but apparently you were simply ambivalent about him. “So it’s that easy for you? Your brain tells you to turn off a feeling and your heart just does it?” Even to his own ears he sounded bitter. “Guess you’re not all that invested in me.”

Your eyebrow quirked up, apparently surprised by his edgy tone. “Do you want me to go nuts?”

“Just want you to give a damn.”

“You think I don’t?” you snapped. “Every time she looks at you I want to tear her hair out. Even though the rational part of me knows she’s probably just flirting with you because it’s part of her job or she’s hoping for big tips. Or maybe she really does want to fuck you. Either way, I want to punch her across the face. Happy?” You gulped down your wine.

Grinning, he squeezed your hand. “Then why not just tell me that? Why act like you don’t care?”

The agitated expression on your face was replaced with tenderness, your eyes soft. “Just because I don’t have a jealous fit doesn’t mean I don’t care. I just…” You exhaled a sigh, and he sensed this was difficult for you. “I express my emotions differently than you.”

“I noticed. You put on an act while holding everything in.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“But I want you, the real you, not the version everyone else sees.”

“It’s not that easy, Billy.”

He brought your palm to his lips. “I’d never told anyone about my mother.”

“You didn’t tell me either,” you pointed out.

“You found out anyway, and I’m so fucking glad you did. Otherwise I wouldn’t have realized I could be real with you.” He placed a tender kiss on your skin. “I don’t want to hide anything from you, Y/N.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Then tell me about William Rawlins.”

Your request gave him pause, his eyes roaming over your face. He’d taken painstaking measures to keep his partnership with Rawlins a secret yet you’d discovered it. “What do you want to know?”

“He gave you a lot of money.”

“I earned that money,” he said in a defensive tone. “He and I were partners for a while. Then he died.”

“You went to a lot of trouble to hide your connection to him.”

“You found out about it though.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “I’m good at what I do.”

“Yeah, too good,” he muttered. He released your hand, watching you intently. “So what do you want to know?”

You leaned in closer, your voice barely above a whisper. He was momentarily distracted by the sensation of your tits pressed against him but he forced himself to concentrate.

“What happened to Rawlins, did you have anything to do with it?”

Billy took a swig of his wine. “Why do you think that?”

You quirked your eyebrow at him. “Knifed by someone in the parking lot. They never found the guy who did it.”

“He had a lot of enemies,” he pointed out.

“Okay, so maybe I was wrong.”

He studied you for several seconds, trying to decide if he should take the leap or not. “You’re not wrong.”

Realization dawned on your face as the truth set in. “Why did you do it?”

“You sure you want to know?”

“I’m asking, aren’t I?”

So he told you, about Operation Cerberus, his role in it and the money he earned, how he’d eliminated Rawlins a year ago when the prick plotted to take out Frank and his family. To this day Frank didn’t know about Billy’s partnership with Rawlins or how close he came to dying and he intended to keep it that way.

Throughout his confession his eyes were glued to your face, gauging your reactions. The part of him determined to do anything to be a success, the one who didn’t let society’s morals get in the way of his ambitions, would never be accepted by his closest friends. Despite the myriad of reasons to have kept that side of himself hidden, he didn’t want to do that with you. Because as risky as it was to be so open with you, it was also exhilarating. There was no one in this world he’d ever been this honest with and that kind of intense connection with you was addictive. He wanted you to know everything about him, all of the dark and vicious thoughts that ran through his head, the burning ambition that kept pushing him forward. He wanted you to know him inside and out and he wanted the same from you.

Before he could prod you to speak your mind the server came by with your dishes, setting your meals on the table. The redhead took her time, all the whilst your gaze was focused on the table, avoiding his. Billy’s heart started to pound in his chest, he was suddenly filled with doubt. Had he made a mistake in telling you the truth? Did he just completely fuck this up? Every second the goddamn redhead lingered at the table felt like an eternity when all he wanted was to shake you out of your stupor.

The second the server left, he moved in on you. “Are you gonna say something?”

You finally looked at him, your forehead burrowed. “We need to do a better job of hiding your history with Rawlins. I found it, that means someone else can too.”

“You gonna help me with that?”

You shook your head ‘yes’. “Yeah, I have to. You need me.”

“What I did doesn’t bother you?”

You exhaled a heavy sigh. “Of course it does, but there’s nothing I can do about it. You’ve seen me at my worst and you didn’t judge me. I won’t do that to you either. Besides, when the universe deals you a shitty hand you’ve got to find other ways to even out your odds.”

A strange feeling of warmth flooded over him, compelling him to angle forward and kiss you on the lips.

You pulled away a second later, smiling at him as you rubbed the corner of his mouth. “This lipstick isn’t kiss-proof.”

“I don’t care.” Wicked visions of you flashed through his mind. Your bold red lips wrapped around his cock, sucking him off the way he liked it. His cum spread over your tits, your neck, your lips. The taste of your sweet, delicious cunt on his tongue as he fucked you with his mouth. The heat of your tongue against his as he rammed into you over and over-

“Stop looking at me like that,” you warned.

“Then stop looking so hot,” he snarked.

You smiled, biting down on your bottom lip.

It blew his mind how sweet and shy you were when he paid you compliments, like you didn’t expect that from him. Obviously he needed to fix that, because you deserved to know how insanely beautiful you were all the time.

“Has Anvil been okay without Rawlins?” you asked, taking a bite out of your butternut squash ravioli.

Swallowing his steak, he wiped his mouth with a napkin. “It was tough for a while but we’ve been doing pretty well the last few months.”

“You should be proud of what you’ve accomplished, Billy. You took a big risk going into business for yourself and you made it work. That’s amazing. I could never do that.”

Billy’s insides radiated with happiness. Other than Curtis and Frank he never really had people who genuinely believed in him so to have you cheering him on was exalting. Especially considering you were great at what you did and he had so much respect for you.

He poured himself and you more wine before reaching for your hand again. “I think you could. You’d make a shitload of money if you freelanced.”

You shook your head ‘no’. “No way, I’m too much of a coward to take a risk like that.” You took a sip of your wine. “Plus I get to go to Paris for work.”

“Or you could go to Paris on vacation and not work.”

“Then I’d have to pay for it,” you pointed out, grinning. “When you grow up the way I did, you learn to appreciate free things.”

Your enthusiasm was infectious, he couldn’t hep but smile back. A part of him was hoping this would be the perfect opening for you to talk more about your childhood, about everything you went through, because he desperately wanted you to trust him as much as he trusted you with his secrets.

“I’ll be there for two weeks,” you continued, oblivious to his disappointment. “We’re going to scout out locations for the new branch and-”

“We?” Billy interjected.

You cast him a quick glance. “Roger’s coming with me on the trip.”

The jealousy that struck him felt like a swift kick to his gut. Images of you and that goddamn bastard traipsing around and enjoying romantic date nights in Paris assaulted his mind. Agitated, he pulled his hand from yours. “I bet that fucker can’t wait to be alone with you.”

“Billy, come on. You can’t be serious.”

“How would you feel if I took off with someone who wanted to fuck me?”

“First of all, he doesn’t want me.”

His jaw clenched with frustration as he glared at you. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s thought about fucking you.”

“Even if he does, I don’t want him.” You reached out to cup his face, your voice so soft and tender in your attempts to placate him that he momentarily forgot how upset he was. “You really think I’d jeopardize what we have for a fling with Roger? I wouldn’t do that.”

“Then don’t go. Turn him down.”

Irritation flickered over your face, he could tell you were done coddling him. “Billy, you have no right to ask me that. I’d never interfere with your work.”

Underneath all that jealousy he knew you were right. As much as he despised the idea of you going away to Paris with another guy, he couldn’t demand that you not go on work trips. If you did that to him, it would annoy the fuck out of him. Yet despite his rational side recognizing he was asking for too much, he couldn’t help but feel bitter. “That asshole’s gonna make a move on you, I know it.”

“What if he does? What do you think is gonna happen?”

Hs eyes met yours, urgently seeking some kind of validation from you. “You tell me.”

“Do you think I’m going to sleep with him?”

He flinched. “Don’t talk about fucking another guy, please. You’re gonna make me lose my appetite.”

You took his hand and placed it over your left breast, probably to distract him from all the disgusting images that were running through his brain. “I wanted you so badly and even then it took me like a month to fuck you. Trust me, I’m not going to sleep with him when I’m not even attracted to him.”

Spotting the earnestness in your eyes, the knot in his stomach finally loosened. Roger may have had a hard-on for you but Billy knew you felt nothing for the fucker. He’d noticed that even at the night of the gala. So that meant he had to trust you, there was no reason not to. “Call me every night when you’re there,” he grumbled.

“Every night? You’re probably going to start blocking my calls,” you laughed.

He booped your nose. “Every. Fucking. Night.”

You beamed. “Fine.” A wicked glint flashed in your eyes, a seductive smile on your lips as you slowly moved his hand lower, his fingers now on your nipple. “Hey, just ‘cause you’re not there with me doesn’t mean we can’t have fun.”

He stroked your nipple over the fabric of your dress, enjoying how the nub hardened under his touch, the way your breath hitched in your throat when he continued his ministrations. With his other hand he tucked your hair behind your ear, whispering to you. “Phone sex is alright, but nothing beats this.” His tongue curved along the shell of your ear, and you trembled against him. “Right?”

The waitress seemed to come out of nowhere this time to ask how your meals were, and you jumped back. Disappointed, he sighed.

“Food was great. Thank you,” you replied, smiling stiffly at the redhead.

“Can I get you anything else?”

“Privacy would be great,” Billy muttered.

You kicked him under the table. “Dessert menu?”

“Sure. I’ll bring it right over,” the waitress said, taking your plates away.

“I’ll give you all the sugar you want once we get outta here,” he murmured seductively, caressing your thigh.

You giggled, rolling your eyes. “That’s a terrible line!” You took his hand and removed it from your thigh. “Billy, I’m not sleeping with you tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s our first date and I don’t put out on the first date.”

“Now that’s a terrible line,” he fired back, mimicking your earlier tone.

“Also, we already had sex this morning.”

“So? I’m greedy. I can’t get enough of you.” There was that shy smile of yours again, and he reached out to give you a sweet peck on the cheek. “You blush every time I tease you.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, it’s adorable.”

Your cheeks grew even more red. “I’m not used to it from you. A part of me still thinks you’re bullshitting me.”

Billy stiffened. “Really?”

“I know you’re not playing me,” you reassured. “It’s on me, not you. I just have a hard time accepting when good things happen.”

The waitress came by with the dessert menu. He briefly glanced at it before ordering a slice of pecan pie while you ordered a piece of chocolate cake.

As soon as the redhead left, he broached the topic with you again. “I’m not gonna hurt you, babe. You have to believe that.”

You didn’t look at him, your eyes fixed somewhere on his chest. “I do. You were so pissed off at me last night. I honestly expected you to hit me because you were so angry. But you didn’t.”

It made him sick to his stomach that you actually thought him capable of hitting you. It hadn’t even occurred to him that you would worry about that, but of course you would. With your childhood it made perfect sense, he was just a fucking idiot who hadn’t realized how much it still impacted you. “I’m never gonna lay a hand on you. I swear.” His eyes locked with yours, hoping you can sense how much he meant those words.

“I believe you.”

His voice was insistent, his gaze boring into you. “Why did you think I would?”

Your eyes wavered from his eyes to his lips for a long time, the atmosphere thick with tension. Your facial expressions ran the gamut of painful emotions, from uncertainty to fear to sheer panic.

It finally sank in that maybe the reason you were keeping the truth from him had noting to do with if you trusted him or not. Maybe you didn’t want to be assaulted by memories from the past that caused you so much pain. The last thing he wanted was for you to experience that hell again. Regretting his demanding tone, his hands caressed down the length of your arms. “You don’t have to tell me, It’s okay.”

Your eyes brimmed with aching vulnerability as you looked up at him. “I want to… I just… give me some time, okay?” You pressed your lips against his, giving him the softest, sweetest kiss. “I’ve been looking forward to tonight for so long, I don’t want to ruin it, you know?”

His heart felt full, his mind reeling with wonderment at the thought of you truly reciprocating his feelings. His arms wrapped around you as you sank into him, burying your face in his chest. His fingers stroked the back of your hair, murmuring soft, soothing words to you. Somewhere in the distance he heard the server’s voice trying to interject, but he didn’t give a damn. He was yours and you were his and nothing was going to ruin that. Nothing.

Part 18

A/N - I realize not much happened in this chapter but I just reallly wanted to write a dialogue heavy part where they simply get to know and enjoy each other. I think they’ve earned some fluff. LOL.

As always, thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Please let me know your thoughts.

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#billy russo x reader #billy russo #ben barnes #billy russo x you #the punisher #a woman scorned

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thefandomlesbian · 1 year ago

Text

Okay I hear you but I think the relationship we get with House and Cameron is infinitely more compelling where there's neither a parental dynamic nor a romance arc.

We see a number of parental relationships with House, really toward almost all of the fellows, though Chase and Thirteen get the most attention. Even Taub, in spite of being similar to House in age, follows a narrative arc in which he learns from House and attributes this to him in the eulogies at the end of the show. The emphasis falls on what House can teach them and what he learns from growing attached to them, but it's a very specific dynamic.

Cameron is different. She doesn't look at him like a father or even, really, like an authority figure, from the pilot. She listens to him and obeys like a good employee, all the way up until she believes he's wrong, following the appropriate boss/employee rule, where she has no problem following orders unless her own skin is put in the game. Cameron views House as a peer from the word go. She treats him with respect and accommodates him in a way that could fool others into thinking she's his inferior. But from the first episode, when her conscience gets in the way, she intervenes where Chase and Foreman often hang their heads and suck it up.

It makes sense when this particular scene is introduced that we learn Cameron went through a terrible loss at a tender age. House theorizes later that her fixation on him is his brokenness because she's a fixer, but I think this stems more from brokenness on her part—"There is something wrong with you that is also wrong with me." She feels like damaged goods, which she relays to Chase in the course of their relationship, including her permanent contingency plan in keeping her dead husband's sperm. She relays this to Wilson in S5 after Amber's death. This experience is something Cameron will not share with anyone her age, or with many people at all, and House is someone visibly disabled. She's drawn to him because he is someone who might understand where she's coming from, not necessarily in terms of losing a spouse, but in terms of losing something very precious and irreplaceable and forever having the world view her differently for this experience (the stigma associated with the word "widow").

Cameron is still young, she's in a position where she hasn't had any meaningful relationships since her husband died, she has something to prove by becoming a doctor while keeping everyone at arm's length; it makes sense that she would mistake her feelings for House as romantic instead of the natural draw of a lonely person to someone who understands.

House, too, values Cameron for her role as a friend. He specifically seeks her out in lieu of Wilson to take her to see monster trucks. He goes to her before Foreman or Chase to do something he does with his best friend. He isn't thinking of it as a date, and their exchange at the end of the episode is not first date material; House treats her like Wilson, taking her food and relishing in the exuberance of their friendship.

Moreover, House doesn't get to have peers. Everyone around him either views him with worship or resentment. Wilson is unique in being House's friend. And on the professional level, he treats Cameron like Wilson once she leaves his tutelage, constantly receiving cases just because she asked, often appearing in the ED to annoy her, which she views fondly. She interferes with his team and manipulates, and he's okay with that, and he enlists her help to play pranks on his new fellows. House doesn't worry about keeping her at arm's length or maintaining some illusion of emotional distance.

House gets something important from his very few peer relationships where he will go soft for them and display his vulnerability in a way he won't for his fellows, where they rely on him to be the father figure. House needs to play a role in the dynamics with Thirteen, Chase, Kutner, where he doesn't need to fill any shoes with Wilson or Cuddy or Cameron. In that, he is freed from the expectations of a social contract, and the mask comes off.

The series isn't quiet about using Wilson and Cameron as mirror characters, where her conscience and moral code are her hurdles to inheriting the proverbial throne. I don't think that's lost on House, who desperately needs friends.

(I also think their friendship, like House's fascination at being with Thirteen at the lesbian bar, is related to the innate LGBT joy at being with a fellow community member.)

House being friends with Cameron, finding value specifically in a platonic peer relationship with her, is so important to me.

He is so gentle with her. I'm going to put my head through drywall

#house md #spencer speaks #no idea if this is coherent #there are so many implications in the writers wanting hameron to be romantic #while simultaneously using Cameron and Wilson as parallel characters #often we draw on it as Hilson material #but we can absolutely do the reverse as well where Hameron is a deeply valued platonic friendship #it is so vital to me that House has more relationships than just wilson where he is soft and gentle #where he will roll over and show his belly to keep them near #he will remove his teeth for these peer relationships in a way he can't/won't for his ducklings #because the trust street goes both ways #instead of him being the parent it's mutual reliance on one another #greg house #allison cameron #james wilson #lisa cuddy #meta #hate crimes md

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