#I still hope to see a sequel where the five kids become friends

[nono-c-wam]

What would 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' be without capitalism and gatekeeping?

[i-only-ever-asked-questions]

Good Omens Through the Decades

UPDATED!

This is a timeline of all the events that have happened related to Good Omens, from its inception to its publication to its future plans; editions, adaptations, failed adaptations and the like.

I originally wanted to have this post ready for the anniversary in May, that didn't work, it just kept getting larger. Then I wanted to do it for the anniversary of Season 2 in July, that didn't work either, for the same reason. So I am just going to post it now, a random date and hope for the best LOL. And guess what? After a fun and fruitful chat with another fan who prefers to remain anonymous, I added a couple of events a few trivia here and there (thank you!). So, a little bit of warning: it is loooong, lots of things have happened in 34 years. At the beginning I was going to put all the references at the end of the post, but they are a lot, so I put them in a document instead.

*Yes, of course I am aware of the allegations. But this is about the history and the world of Good Omens which is so much bigger than one person, even if that person started the whole thing. It is ours now. It is Terry's and Rob's. It is David and Michael's, Douglas McKinnon's, David Arnold's and the rest of the cast and crew. It is Colleen Doran's, Dirk Maggs's, Terry Gilliam's, Vicki Larnach, Jim Hare and Jay James Moody's. It is Stephen Brigg's and Martin Jarvis's. And so many other people who have brought or will bring its many iterations to life. It is the fans'.

1985-1990 - The Book

1985, Jan - Terry and Neil met for the first time when Neil interviewed Terry for Space Voyager magazine after "The Colour of Magic" was published [1,2] *For years they both wholeheartedly believed it had been at a Chinese Restaurant during February. Some time after Terry passed away Neil found his diary for 1985 where the entry said it had been in January at an Italian Restaurant [3]

1987, summer - Neil wrote the first 5000 words of a story and sent it to a few friends, including Terry; "An exchange in Marlowe’s The Jew of Malta, combined with a late night viewing of The Omen and a love of Richmal Compton’s immortal Just William stories, had put a story into my head, about a demonic baby-swap that goes wrong, in which the Antichrist grows up to be a nice kid, with a dog and a gang" [1,4]

1987, Oct - Sandman began and William the Antichrist went into the back back back burner [1]

1988, spring? summer? - Terry called Neil and offered to either buy the idea or write it together; "About a year later I took it out of the drawer and did see what happened next, even if I couldn’t see how it all ended yet" [5]

1988, summer - They wrote it together (do you really need a reference? 😉)

1988-1989 - First draft took about nine weeks. After Richmal Compton's estate did not reply to the request of using William Brown and his world, William became Adam, Pepper and War became female and the book got a new title (Good Omens by Neil) and subtitle (The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch by Terry). The second draft took about four months. There were still about five more months of polishing and editing and auctioning and more editing [4,6] *Good Omens was the first Terry book that ever went to auction. It ended up going for £150,000 [7]

1989, Halloween - During the World Fantasy Convention in Seattle, Terry and Neil started plotting what could become the sequel to Good Omens and called it "668 The Neighbor of the Beast" [6,8] *The real-life experience of trying to piece together the plot of a soft porn movie using little free increments from hotels' pay-per-view over time probably made it into the sequel around here [7]

1990, May 10. Book published in the UK - Hardback published in the UK by Victor Gollancz (with whom Terry had already been working) to be followed by paperback by Corgi on May 23, 1991 [8,9] *After the first UK edition was published (Gollancz), several changes were made to the text to make it easier on US readers and to polish it a bit. The new text was used by both the US publishers (Workman) and the UK publishers of the paperback (Corgi). Gollancz was unaware of this alternate text until about 2009. They started using the Workman/Corgi text starting with their next edition in 2014 [9]

1990, Sep. Book published in the US - Hardback published in the US by Workman to be followed by paperback by Berkley on March 1992 [9,10] *UK editions list Terry's name first and US editions list Neil's name first. This was done because Terry was more known in the UK and Neil was more known in the US [7]

1991-2004 - The Movies

1991, Feb - Hollywood Studio Sovereign Pictures hired Terry and Neil to write an adaptation of the book for a movie. The studio had some specific requirements such as Crowley owning a night club, Aziraphale working as a curator for the British Museum, Tadfield with an abandoned pier and a miniature town in it and Satan. They ended up rejecting the script anyway [11] *It was at this point that Terry suggested Buddy Holly's "Every Day" as the theme for Good Omens. In this script some of the angels used for the series got started like Gabriel and Sandalphon and a big sequence had them use their haloes like frisbees inside the British Museum [11,12,13]

1992, Jan. Movie Script - Terry declined to write a second script, but Neil stayed and wrote one. In October the company got taken over and all dreams of a movie died [11,14] *In this script Crowley tries to run away to Alpha Centauri

2001-2002. Terry Gilliam Movie deal - Since about 1999, when he obtained the rights, and throughout the 00's Terry Gilliam tried hard to make a movie. The closest he came to it was in 2001-2002 when he got as far as casting the parts (Johnny Depp as Crowley, Robin Williams as Aziraphale, Mme. Tracey and Hastur, and Kirsten Dunst). But he couldn't get a US studio to invest the last $15M and the movie project collapsed [13,15,16] *Terry had received, back in 1989, a copy of the book asking for a blurb. The letter got lost and he thought the book had been sent as a pitch for a movie [16,17]

2004, Jun 20th - Hill House Publishers created the "Neil Gaiman's Preferred Edition Series" with limited editions of American Gods, Anansi Boys and Neverwhere. As a bonus for the subcribers, Hill House printed the 1992 movie script under the name "A Screenplay." Only 500 numbered and 52 lettered copies were ever made [11,18]

2005-2010 - The Sequel (and the Audiobooks)

2005, Jun - Terry and Neil met at the Audie Awards in New York and plotted a little more of the sequel. This was when the South Downs bit was thought up [19,20]

2005, Dec. Crowley and Aziraphale's New Year's resolutions - The list of resolutions came out sometime between Christmas and New Year's at Harper Collins' website [7] *The well-known idea of Crowley gluing coins to the sidewalk is not in the book at all, it came from this list

2006, Feb 28. New edition - The book was reissued in the US as a hardcover in two different versions. The text is the same but one version has a white cover with Crowley and Neil's name listed first, and a second version has a black cover with Aziraphale and Terry's name listed first [7,21] *This time the explanation for the authors' name order was to make sure the book could be found both under "G" and also under "P"

2006, Jul. Briggs Audiobook - ISIS released in the UK an unabridged audiobook read by Stephen Briggs in CD, MP3CD and cassette (it won the 2008 Audiobook Download of the Year by audible.co.uk) [22,23]

2009, Nov 10. Jarvis Audiobook - HarperAudio released in the US an unabridged audiobook read by Martin Jarvis in CD [24] *Martin Jarvis is the same narrator who recorded the Just William audiobooks, a nice Easter egg related to the origins of the book

2010, Sep 23 - Terry and Neil had dinner at a sushi restaurant in Cardiff and decided that the book should be adapted as a TV series and not a movie anymore (as per Terry Gilliam's advice). And if it goes well, the rest of the story, the unwritten sequel, should be adapted too [8,13,15] *It was around here that the idea of the sushi restaurant cameo with both of them being patrons started

2011-2013 - The Stage (and a failed TV series)

2011, Feb. Terry Jones TV series - Terry and Neil agreed to a deal to adapt the book into a four-part TV series made by Terry Jones and Gavin Scott. At the end they didn't quite like the script though [13,25,26]

2012, Jun - Amy Hoff's The Cult Classic Theatre was granted permission to adapt the book to a stage play [27] *One of the conditions was that no footage would be taken/made available and the script would not be shared/sold

2012, Aug- Narrativia was established as the production company that would handle all of Terry's work adaptations. The production of the TV series and of The Watch were then transferred from Prime Focus [28,29] *Narrativia was first revealed at "The Watch Team Interview" panel during the Discworld 2012 convention on Aug, 26th [28]

2013, Mar. Stage Play - Amy Hoff's play was presented on March 20-23 and 27-30 at the Cottiers Theatre in Glasgow [30]

2013, Apr - BBC drama producer Heather Larmour pitched a radio drama adaptation to the BBC [31]

2013, sometime. The Musical - Vicki Larnarch and Jim Hare, "two hippies from Sydney", had met with Terry and Rob about six months prior. Terry's interest had gotten piqued when they showed him The Chattering Order Nuns song and he asked them to come back with a showstopper and a few more songs. They came back with "All Living Things" and they got the green light to go forward with the adaptation [32]

2013, Dec 11 - In a meeting at The Groucho Club, Terry and Neil enter into talks with the BBC to adapt GO to TV [33]

2014-2015 - The Radio Drama

2014, summer - Dirk Maggs adapted the book into a Radio Drama and gave Terry and Neil a cameo as police officers pursuing Crowley [31,34] *In July, Neil advised Dirk to get Terry's recording asap, before he couldn't do it anymore. They did it in the summer and that day ended up being the last day Neil and Terry saw each other [35]. The rest of the recording happened during autumn [13]

2014, Aug - Terry asked Neil to make the TV adaptation of Good Omens, "I know, Neil, that you are very, very busy, but no one else could ever do it with the passion that we share for the old girl. I wish I could be more involved, and I will help in any way I can" [12] Neil, of course, said yes

2014, Dec. BBC Radio 4 Dramatisation - The six episodes aired between December 22nd and December 27th, 2014 on BBC Radio 4 [36]

2015, Jan 15 - Random House UK released the BBC Radio 4 Dramatisation in CD [37]

2015-2019 - The TV series (and some luxury limited editions)

2015, Mar 12 - Terry passed away 😢

2015, Mar 25 - Terry's funeral. As soon as Neil got back home, he started writing the script for the TV series [12] *Sometimes signed copies of the third draft of the pilot (dated 25 July 2015) appear in eBay

2015 - Jay James-Moody joined the team to produce the musical [32]

2016, Aug 1 - First read-through of the series script [38] *The scripts were finalized right before SDCC 2016 which was held July 21st-24th [39]. Both Maggie Service and Tim Downie were present in this read-through [40]

2017, Sep 18 - 2018, Mar 10. Season 1 shooting - Season 1 started shooting at St. James' park (with the 11 years ago scene) and ended in Cape Town, South Africa [13,41,42] *The read-through before shooting occurred on Sept 13, 2017 [43]

2017, Nov 13 - Full development reading of the musical at the York Theatre in Chippendale, Sydney, Australia [32,44]

2019, Feb 8 - The social media campaign to promote Season 1 started with a tour of the Chattering Order of St. Beryl, an acapella choir that traveled to different cities for events and TV shows [45,46]

2019, Apr 25. The Chattering Order of St. Beryl's video - The video "That Brand New Baby Smell" was released in YouTube [47]

2019, May 3 and 4 - Workshop production of the musical at IPAC in Wollongong, Australia. About ten days before the series premiere Vicki, Jim and Jay showed Neil and Rob a recording of this show [32,44,48] *Although a full recording of the workshop exists, they are not allowed to share it until it is finished

2019, May 21. Companion Book - A companion book to the TV series with interviews and behind the scenes photographs written by Matt Whyman was published by William Morrow [49]

2019, May 21. The Script Book - Headline Publishing Group released a script book in both hardback and paperback (The US edition by William Morrow followed on Jun 11th). All editions of the script book include an "Other Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" deleted scene. An exclusive edition for Waterstones included an additional deleted scene (Aziraphale in the 1800). A hardback edition limited to 1000 copies with white cover included four different deleted scenes (thugs visiting the bookshop, Leonardo DaVinci, the televangelist and Crowley clothes shopping) and a series of sketches made on set by Lorna May Wadsworth. On Jan 15th of 2020, a paperback edition with the white cover was released; it contained all five deleted scenes from the other editions and a sixth one (Aziraphale trying to sell a book); this edition does not include the sketches however. [9,50] *The script book was created so the production could pay for the death of Agnes Nutter, a scene (and a character) originally written by Terry which was too expensive to film [3]

2019, May 23. The Illustrated Edition - The Pratchett Estate and Neil agreed on a revised definitive text. It was published in five versions collectively called the Definitive Edition. Two versions were published by Gollancz which they called the Illustrated Edition; a standard hardback with black cover and a limited edition in a slipcase with white cover signed by Paul Kidby, the illustrator [51,52]

2019, May 30. "Unholy Night" - The Chattering Order of St. Beryl's released their album "Unholy Night" on Amazon Music and other digital platforms [53]

2019, May 31. TV Series - Season 1 premiered in Prime Video 😊

2019, May 31. Soundtrack - Silva Screen Records released the soundtrack in CD, vinyl and mp3/wav download [54]

2019, Jul. The Definitive Edition - The other three versions of the revised text were published by Dunmanifestin, the company established by the Pratchett Estate to handle Terry's intellectual property. All editions were limited: The Occult Edition (July 1st) with only 1655 copies in a black clamshell box, the Ineffable Edition (July 4th) with 666 copies in a deluxe box including ephemera, and the Celestial Edition, made to order with only 24 copies [52,55]

2019, Aug 2. The BBC Radio Drama Collectors Edition - A vinyl box set by Demon Records included four LPs printed in black and white in illustrated wallets, commentaries by Neil and Dirk and a set of tarot cards. An Amazon exclusive limited edition of 500 sets also included a print signed by Neil [56]

2019, Aug - Neil pitched Season 2 to Amazon [57]

2019, Oct 28. Blu-ray and DVD - Amazon released the series in DVD, Blu-ray and steelbook limited edition Blu-ray (PAL) for the UK. The US version (NSTC) followed on November 5th in both DVD and Blu-ray, there was no steelbook edition for the US market [58]

2019, Dec - John Finnemore joined as co-writer of Season 2 [57] *In this meeting, John stated that he needed to know the ending before he could write so Neil came up with the ending of Season 2 in about 5 minutes right there and then

2020-2025 - TV Series Season 2, a new Audiobook and some other adjacent projects

2020, May 1st. Lockdown Video - A short video about a phonecall between Crowley and Aziraphale was created by Narrativia and The Blank Corporation for the 30th anniversary of the book. It was released in the the official YouTube account of the Terry Pratchett Estate (@terrypratchett6025) [59]

2020, summer - Neil started writing the script for Season 2 beginning with the opening scene for episode 1 [57] *The last scene written was Gabriel organizing the books by first letter of first line. It was planned as the last scene for Episode 2 but at the end got moved to another place [60]

2020, Sep 16 - Season 2 was officially greenlit (along with Anansi Boys) [61]

2021, Mar 26 - The Hillywood Show announced the Good Omens parody project [62]

2021, Jun 29 - Amazon announced Season 2 in a press release [63]

2021, Oct 18 - 2022, Mar 1. Season 2 shooting - Season 2 started shooting in the Bathgate studio. Some scenes were shot on location in different parts of Edinburgh and other areas [64,65] *The read-through happened over October 14th and 15th, three episodes per day [66], David had to attend via zoom since he was still in isolation from Georgia's covid [67]. On the other hand, Michel McKean (Shadwell in Season 1) was present for that zoom read-through but had to be drop out also for covid reasons [68]. Peter Davison (David's-father-in law) was asked to play Job's part after shooting had started (possibly replacing Michael McKean?) and Ty Tennant (David's son) was cast too after shooting had started but through audition [69]. Maggie Service was in the very first shot of the season and also in the last day, first one in last one out as she said [70]

2021, Nov 2. Full Cast Audiobook - HarperAudio released in the US a full cast audiobook with Michael Sheen as Aziraphale and David Tennant as Crowley. The audiobook was later released in the UK on January 14th, 2022 [71,72] *The original cover for the audiobook was designed by Henry Sene Yee; a lavender background with drawings of Crowley and Aziraphale facing away from each other. After Season 2 was released, the cover changed to one of the promotional posters [73]

2023, Mar 15. Good Omens HQ - The Terry Pratchett Estate and Neil Gaiman created Good Omens Headquarters. The headquarters launched official accounts in several social media platforms and a website that keeps track of collector's items as they are being revealed [74]

2023, May 10. Good Omens Parody - The Hillywood Show's parody premiered in their YouTube channel (thehillywoodshow) [75] *Amazon Video partnered with Hillywood to announce the premiere date for Season 2 within their parody video. Neil, Maggie Service and Daniel Mays appeared as guests

2023, Jul 28. TV Series Season 2 - Season 2 premiered in Prime Video 😊 *As part of the promo campaign two days before the premiere, Amazon screened the first two episodes in cinemas in several cities free for Amazon Prime members

2023-2024 - The Graphic Novel

2023, Aug 1. Graphic Novel - The Kickstarter campaign to fund the graphic novel adaptation with Colleen Doran as illustrator launched [76] *At its closure, 36,867 backers had pledged £2,419,973 (notice it is pounds, not dollars)

2023, Aug 25. Season 2 Soundtrack - Silva Screen Records released the soundtrack for season 2 in CD, vinyl and mp3/wav download [54]

2023, Dec 14 - Season 3 was officially greenlit [77]

2024, Apr 18 - The Graphic Novel Pledgemanager site launches for people who missed the Kickstarter campaign or to add extras to an already existing pledge [78]

2024, Jul 13 - Vicki Larnach, Jim Hare and Jay James Moody appeared as virtual guests at Nullus Anxietas 9, the Australian Discworld Convention 2024 held in Adelaide, to talk about recent push for the musical [79]

2025 - The Future

2025, January - Season 3 is scheduled to begin filming [80]

2025, Spring - Graphic novel is scheduled to be released [76] *The original release date was in July of 2024, however in April of 2024 it was announced that it would need to be pushed to the Spring of 2025 (Update #20)

There should be a special mention of a fan created musical parody for YouTube that was in development in Russia by 62Media. This was completely fan made and not connected to the Pratchett Estate, Neil, the BBC or Amazon (which is why it is not in the list). Unfortunately it had to shut down due to COVID [81]

Fun fact: During the tour to promote the book, back in 1989-1990 the song "Shoehorn With Teeth" by They Might Be Giants became the unofficial anthem of the tour since that is what they always ended up singing when things went too crazy [82]

[lovemesomeeddiemunson]

Pocket Dice

Summary: You teach Steve to play D&D. In return he takes it upon himself to set you up with a certain Dungeon Master.

F! Reader Insert, 4995 Words

Warning:  Minor ST spoilers ahead. Food mentions. (Underage) drinking. Drug use. (It’s only marijuana dad!) Hinted at sexual situations. Reader is written as wearing red lipstick and dresses very 80s punk. Reader also listens to heavy metal in this and plays D&D because you’re cool peoples’. Takes place some time after Volume 5. (I took the liberty of deciding that Eddie lives and the world gets saved, and I offer no apologies for that.)

Authors Note:  This is the third Eddie fic I started writing in recent days - thought I’d share since it hasn’t taken on a life of its own like the other two. No sequel planned/in the works, but never say never. Also, I am always looking for inspo, so I will absolutely take requests for one-shots, blurbs, and head canons. If you don’t have an idea and just wanna chat, that’s cool too! I promise I won't bite.

After defeating evil a final time, after closing the portals, after reversing the poisoning of the town, Steve should have been happy to retire from saving the world.

He should have been grateful for the monotony life had become filled with - that there wasn’t a new threat on the horizon. But grateful was not what Steve was feeling.

The truth was, Steve was unnerved.

Not only was there nothing for him to do during peacetime, but in addition to that, his brothers and sisters in arms started to slip away, keeping in touch less and less.

Nancy had put the final nail in the coffin when it came to them after she graduated, and moved away with Johnathan.

He still worked at the video store with Robin - but she had gotten a girlfriend who adored her, and while Steve was happy for her, she was less and less available for their old shenanigans.

There were the kids of course, but while Steve had a hard time pinning them down, they religiously met up with Eddie every Sunday. Now that he too had finally graduated, they played D&D outside of their high school Hellfire club. 

Which, frankly, Steve had never understood…but now that his days were mostly empty, his friends were scattered, and he hadn’t had any heroic moments in ages, it was no wonder he ended up where he did.

In a bookstore one town over, Steve spends way too much time meticulously combing through covers. 

So much so that the cute girl working behind the counter - you -  takes pity on him.

“Do you need help with anything?” You ask sweetly, in a tone Steve knows well to be a fake customer service voice.

“Sorry I - I don’t know where to start. Were you guys trying to close?” He admitted, sounding pitiful.

“Ten minutes ago.” You chuckle lightly, causing Steve to flush. 

Running a finger along the many spines before them, you tease. “I’ve locked us both in, so you might want to make a decision soon, before we starve to death.” 

“Sorry!” He says again, hands heavy with the weight of so many books. “I just, really don’t know what I’m looking for.”

“So you mentioned.” You offer him a warm smile. “Let’s see if I can help…uh, what’s your name?”

“Steve.” He answers.

“Steve. I’m Y/N, at your service. Are you looking to get a gift for someone?”  You ask helpfully.

“No I…It’s for me. I was hoping to learn how to play.” He flushed when he admitted it. 

“And you’ve never played before?” You ask, non-judgmentally. 

He shakes his head. “I have…a passable vocabulary.” Never mind that it stemmed from Dustin naming every evil thing they’d encountered over the last five years as some sort of game-inspired creature.

“Oh.” You understand, taking the several books from his hands. Clicking your tongue, tossing several to the side. “No…no…no…yes…no.” 

You present him with a much more reasonable pile. “Start with these. Everything else will just overwhelm you.”

“Are you sure?” He asks tentatively. You blink at him - then reach in your pocket to produce a handful of colorful, multi-sided dice. 

“Pretty sure.” You tell him, rattling the dice in your hands for emphasis. 

Steve’s jaw is slack at that, and he blurts out. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” You readily agree as he follows you to the register where you ring him up.

“Anything else?” You ask, and Steve chuckles a little. “No, but thank you. I was really close to calling it.”

“No need to thank me. It’s a cool game, I wish more people would give it a chance.” You smile when you hand him the receipt, letting him out of the store and locking up again after him.

And that might have been the end of it - but you were so nice to him the first time that once a week passes Steve is back at the bookstore, around the same time, specifically hoping you’ll be there.

When you were - glancing up at the bell announcing his entrance - he smiled sheepishly at you. “So, I have some questions.”

You laugh, not minding the intrusion. “Hit me with em.’”

And then you spend the better part of a half hour going over intricacies of Dungeons and Dragons with him, endlessly patient, even excited for him when he grasps a concept.

“You know,” you say finally, thoughtfully. “I think that your best teacher at this point is probably going to be…playing an actual game.”

“I don’t know if my friends will be as merciful as you’ve been.” He laughs, knowing he’s not ready. There’s too much to learn.

You shrug, “No, but mine just might be.” Then you grab a discarded receipt from the counter, flipping it over and scribbling some information on it.

“Meet me at this address tomorrow, around 4…if you’re up for it. I’ll set you up.” You tell him, and then lead him out the way you had previously, locking up after him without another word.

Steve can’t believe his luck. The next day he arrives at the quaint little maroon house right on time, climbing the steps and knocking on the front door.

It opens moments later, you offering him a warm greeting before letting him inside.

“Hey Steve,” You smile with bright red lips, and Steve is surprised to see how you dress when you’re not in the hideous bookstore khakis and polo shirt. 

Yellow plaid pants, and a crop top that looks homemade. Casual, cool.  Not what he’d expected from a bookstore clerk who played D&D, but here they were.

You offer Steve a drink before leading him to a fold up table that you’d set up in your large living room. 

It’s scattered with supplies already, and over the next hour or two, you and Steve put a lot of work into what he worries isn’t enough to show for it.

Still you’re sweet as always though, explaining to him that the creation of his character is an essential part of the game. 

He’s studying the character sheet that the two of you have concocted when you eventually go to greet your friends, all of them arriving within a few minutes of 6pm. 

Steve gets the distinct impression that he’s not the first wayward soul you’ve collected. By the time they’ve all joined you two it’s clear that they are, each of them, around you guys’ age, arguably nerdy in a variety of ways, and curious about Steve.

“We’re going to show Steve the ropes.” You tell them, and give the instructions for them to make nice while you order everyone pizza.

Then you take Steve by surprise once again, by sitting at the table’s head and assuming the role of Dungeon Master.

You make the group introduce themselves and their characters for Steve’s benefit, and then captivate everyone with your storytelling.

It’s incredible - Steve is wrapped up in it, having a blast though the actual outcome of the game turns out pretty rough.

Steve doesn’t survive it - but you were right about your friends. They carry his weight, offering tips and using their hard earned resources to keep reviving him as much as possible.

By the end though, his level 1 human paladin is slain. The quest continues on as he listens in fascination.

And when the night is over - the pizza consumed, arguments had, he wasn’t the only casualty.

Several of your friends grumble in good nature when you wrap things up with a small flourishing bow.

“That…was awesome.” Steve breathes, when you finally ask him what he thinks.

Tilting your head back, you laugh. “Glad you think so. Next time I won’t take it so easy on you.”

“Easy?” Steve blurts, your friends all laughing. “Yes, Steve,” they explain -  “That was her taking it easy.”

They share tales of the ways you’ve murdered them - sadistically, frequently, and Steve can’t help but to look forward to next time. 

He tells you as much when he helps you clean up, and you promise that he’s welcome as much as he wants.

So he keeps coming, keeps playing, keeps learning from you and your friends.

Eventually, Steve is what you generously call decent -  and you give him your blessing to recuse himself from what you have affectionately dubbed your “merry band of misfits.” 

“You’re ready.” You promise him.

The guys nod in agreement, and Steve swallows. “Do you think uh, I can come back sometimes? Not necessarily every week but uh, you guys are cool. I like hanging out with you all. You’ve taught me a lot.”

“Brave paladin, we would quest with you anytime.” One of the guys salutes him. Steve chuckles.

That night when everyone has cleared out, Steve lingers in order to help put things away, the way he’s done since the first game. While he does so, he’s overwhelmed with gratitude.

You had really been kind to him since you’d met - had taken him under your wing without question, introduced him to something he never realized could be so fun and on top of that, gave him a way back into his friend’s lives.

He wasn’t sure how to repay you.

At least, not until you put a tape in your cassette player, and Steve is suddenly struck with the cords of a familiar song. 

It’s a song he’d first heard in The Upside Down, signaling to him that it was time to kill Vecna.

“Master of Puppets?” He asks you.

Without hesitation, your eyes light up. “Hell yeah. I love Metallica.” You give a shake of your head. “Surprised you know it though.” You tease him.

“Yeah I uh…I have this friend. Plays a really…really sick rendition of it. Totally metal.” He says, lost in thought.

“That’s so cool.” You admit, clearing empty pizza boxes away.

You’ve not given it much more consideration, but for Steve though, the wheels are turning. He has an idea. One that, if executed properly, he thinks will be the perfect way to repay you.

The perfect opportunity presents itself with the coming week - his parents are on some kind of retreat that they go on every year that their marriage doesn’t crash and burn.

It’s the perfect time to host - so he puts the word out to all his friends. Party at his place.

Everyone quickly agrees to make it, and when Steve extends the invitation to you, you also decide sure - why not. 

It’s not a night playing D&D but Steve promises he’s the king of parties.

When the kids are splashing around in his pool - trying to be sneaky about drinking his beer - Steve feels really confident in his plan and his abilities.

“Who are you waiting for?” Robin asks as she drops down into a lawn chair, drink in hand.

“What?” Steve feigned innocence.

“You keep checking the door.” She says, with a soft hum. “And at last headcount we’re all here. Unless…Nance…Is it - is it Nance? Did you invite Nance?” She whispers.

Steve rolls his eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm. “I doubt Nancy, and Johnathan would make an appearance from their honeymoon to come to one of my parties.”

Robin snorts. “Well, what is it then? Because you’re not subtle.”

“I did invite my new friend.” Steve explains, as nonchalantly as he’s able.

“What’s this now?” Dustin asks, sloshing around in the water with his ears perked up under his curly hair. “You made a new friend?”

“I did.” Steve shrugs.

Robin eyes his face. “Oh my gosh, it’s a girl. Steve has a girlfriend.”

Dustin ooh’s as some of the other kids float over to the commotion, making cute noises.

Steve rolls his eyes. “Alright everybody calm down, it is a girl, and she is a friend. She is not my girlfriend.” 

“Do you want her to be?” Eleven teases.

“No.” He grits out.

“I totally don’t believe you.” Lucas laughs.

“It’s a classic Steve move - invite the girl to a pool party and ply her with cheap beer.” Robin jokes.

“That’s not what this is.” He sighs.

“Really Steve, look at the facts and tell us you’re not trying to date her.” Mike says, like some kind of expert.

Steve sighs in deep exasperation, rubbing a hand over his face. He glanced around abruptly, making sure that a particular party guest isn’t around to hear what he’s about to say.

As it is, it seems like he’s gone inside - likely rolling up for the older kids for later. “I’m not trying to date her! I am trying to set her up with Eddie.”

“Eddie?” Dustin questions, astounded.

“Yes, Eddie. Dungeon master, heavy metal playing, mechanically inclined, pain-in-my-ass, Eddie.” Steve rolls his eyes.

“Oh…” everyone seems blown away. None of them more than Steve himself had been.

“…Hello?” A familiar voice calls out and Steve panics, scrambling to his feet and wondering if you’d caught any of that.

Based on your expression he doesn’t think so. Still, he’s extra cautious when he takes the large bottle of tequila from you. “Hey,” Steve addresses, adding lamely. “You made it!” 

“Well someone told me that you’re the king of parties.” You tease.

Steve grins, then gestures weakly to the group in front of you two. “These are uh, these are my friends.” Steve points each one out, naming them.

You turn to the pool, younger kids clustered in and around it, and you wave. A flurry of greetings follows you. 

They all take you in - blood red lipstick, black fishnets peaking out beneath high waisted shorts, a low cut Iron Maiden shirt tied into a knot at the bottom to show just the smallest bit of your midriff - and they could see where Steve might have thought of Eddie.

Speaking of, in that moment the side door to Steve’s house opens and Eddie steps out of it, already lighting the cigarette perched between his lips before he freezes mid-step.

“Ah, I uh, did not realize we had company.” He grins cheekily.

Steve steps forward, gesturing, “Y/N, this is Eddie. Eddie - Y/N.” He introduces, unable to contain the wide grin at the way Eddie’s eyes hone in on the skeleton on your shirt that he knows all too well.

“Oh, yeah.” You laugh lightly, a tad embarrassed under his gaze. “King Steve here neglected to mention he had a pool.” Nudging Steve harshly at the accusation. “Lucky for you I do accept apologies in the form of a stiff drink.”

“Yes ma’am.” Steve salutes, “Eddie, keep her company will ya? I’m going to uh, go get some ice.”

“I’ll go with you.” Robin adds helpfully, following Steve into the house. Some of the kids, wet and slippery, follow them in, all asking what the plan is.

“I’m making this up as I go.” Steve admits. “I mean, I’ve never asked a girl out for another person!”

“Well we need to do something, did you see her shirt!” Erica points out.

Steve nods, “Trust me kid that’s the tip of the iceberg. She and him are made for each other, you have no idea.”

“Where did you find her anyways?” Dustin asks.

“She works at this book store...it’s not important.” Steve changes the subject. “If no one has any bright ideas, we ought to get back out there before we’re missed.”

Uttered agreements hit Steve’s ears as the group staggered their return. “Here ya go.” Steve hands you the mixed drink, watching you sip it gratefully. “Thanks.” You tell him brightly.

You’re sitting in a lawn chair, Eddie occupying another on your other side, still smoking that cigarette despite the dopey grin on his face.

Drink in hand, you turn back to him and gesture for him to continue. “You were saying?” Eyes all for him, so Eddie launches animatedly into whatever conversation you’d been having before Steve interrupted.

Steve takes it to mean that maybe the pair of you won’t need his help after all, and he lets the party commence, the kids pouring over the edge into the pool as you two talk.

He is briefly distracted by his mission by an overwhelming sense of contentment, flooding him with every call and squeal of joy his younger friends let out.

When the hour grows late, he rounds them up - making sure that they get home safe. 

With all the four oldest of the group remaining, Eddie produces a small baggie of pre-rolled blunts.

“S’okay if it’s not your thing.” He tells you, handing off to Robin with the lighter. 

You roll your eyes lightly in response, scoffing, “Please.”

Then as if to prove it, after Robin takes the first hit you reach out and grasp her wrist gently, guiding her hand that’s got the blunt clasped between two fingers to bring it to your lips.

You inhale deeply before releasing your hold on the other woman, the smoke billowing from your lips as she lowers her hand.

“Hot.” Robin’s the one who says it, to which you blow her a kiss. Robin then passes to Eddie, who inhales shakily, eyes on you the whole time.

Steve decides to give him until the end of the night, at most.

As the four of you pass the blunt around more, your lipstick stains it, and no one seems to mind. You’re growing on the whole group, and Steve especially sees you slotting in easily past tonight.

As it is while you all smoke, you ask about the kids who’d gone - how they all knew each other, if they were related. 

Eddie just laughs and tells you that the girl with the shaved head was a science experiment, and that she has superpowers that helped them all save the world more than once.

You laugh at that, thinking he’s absolutely gone, but Robin and Steve smile knowingly. Their shared smiles grow when Robin alerts Steve subtly to the new development of the night, Steve having caught it as well. 

Eddie and you had gotten closer at some point, now sharing a chair, his knee touching yours, the smoke pouring from his mouth crowding your airspace.

Eddie also keeps whispering in your ear, things that make you giggle, leaning back into him. 

Then you yawn suddenly, sadly admitting, “Guess I’d better head home before I’m too messed up to drive.”

“One could argue that you reached that limit two drinks ago.” Robin points out, gesturing to the scene of you practically splayed across Eddie’s lap.

At that you flushed, glancing back at Eddie nervously, apologetic, and Steve nudged Robin roughly for undermining his mission. 

“Oops,” you breathed. “Sorry Eddie. I get kinda touchy when I drink.”

“I’m not complaining.” It's flirtatious, but there’s an edge of seriousness to it as well. A touch of nerves. You hide your smile behind the red solo cup.

“So, I just meant like…stay.” Robin admits. “I’m sure Steve can spare a couch.”

“I absolutely can. Couches all around, for all my friends.” He holds a drink up to toast to that, inquiring “What do you say?”

“Alright, why not?” You laugh. “Can’t promise that I’ll be that much fun anymore though, I get sleepy after smoking.” Your head lolls to the side to emphasize that point, not minding when it makes contact with Eddie’s shoulder that’s in the path of the movement.

Touchy, check. 

Sleepy, check. 

“I’m feeling better and better about our decision not to let you drive home.” Steve snickers.

Eddie juts his chin out toward the pool. “You should take a dip. Wake you right up.”

“Um, no.” You chuckle, gesturing to the character on your chest. “Eddie doesn’t swim.”

“It’s called, Eddie?” Robin’s eyes bug out as she nods and laughs. At the same time their Eddie leans in and whispers something suggestive, earning a breathless laugh and elbow to his ribs.

Then you disentangle from the man, scrambling to your feet, “Bathroom?” You ask Steve.

“Downstairs just past the kitchen.” He lets you know, and you thank him, headed inside.

Steve and Robin immediately turn their attention to Eddie once you’re out of sight.

“What? Do I have something in my hair?” He asks in a manner that’s much too innocent.

“Dude,” Steve sighs, while Robin grumbles how men are clueless.

“What?” Eddie asks again, a much more sharp sounding whine.

“You know what - she likes you, and you clearly like her. Ask her out.” Robin insists. 

“Since when do you two care about my love life?” Eddie deflects, a tad embarrassed at how obvious he had been.

“Since your soulmate was literally hand delivered by Steve earlier this evening.” Robin snarks.

“Soulmate?” Eddie laughs. “Aw man, having a girlfriend has totally made you soft, Buckley.”

“Tell you what.” Steve suggests, not letting him weasel his way out of it with that subtle change of subject. “I’ll make you a little wager. If I win, you accept that that’s your soulmate in there, and you do something about it. Ask her out…If I lose, it's the dealer's choice.”

Eddie purses his lips as he thinks about it, thinks about giving Steve a buzz cut but also about what he has to lose…the answer to which, is nothing. 

Sure he might have been cynical about soulmates, but he would be lying if he said that he hadn’t been toying around with the idea of asking you out already. Might have even done it already were it not for his present company.

“So, what is the wager exactly?” Eddie asks slowly.

“Simple. I’m going to see if I can accurately guess the contents of Y/N’s pockets.” Steve grins.

Eddie laughs. “That’s random as hell.”

“So?” Steve presses.

“You’ve got a deal.” He shrugs.

When you return a few minutes later, sitting in a new chair and making Eddie pout, Steve puts his plan into action.

“Hey, Y/N?” He asks.

“Hm?” You question around a sip of your drink.

“Can I see your dice?” He presses, hiding his smile.

“Dice?” You sound a tad confused, but mostly amused. Eddie watches with rapt fascination.

“Yeah I’m uh…at a crossroads.” Steve hints, holding his hand out to you expectantly. 

You look at him for an extended period, before reaching into your pocket and producing the small colorful handful that Steve knew you had on you at all times. 

Robin and Steve both wished that they had Johnathan’s camera in order to capture the expression on Eddie’s face - slack jaw and rounded eyes - as he takes in the unmistakable shapes in your palms.

Steve plucks the D20 from your hands, rolling it, knowing it won’t matter what it lands on. Still, it comes out high.

“I think that that’s a hit, wouldn’t you say Eddie?” He teases the older man.

Eddie still hasn’t taken his eyes off of you. “You just - you just carry those around with you?”

“Sure.” You let out a small nervous laugh. “It’s incredibly lame, I know.”

Eddie shakes his head. “Not lame. Cool. Very cool.” Then Eddie’s head snaps up to Steve and Robin with a glare. “Didn’t you guys just say you were going to…get the couches ready or something?”

They scramble up in understanding, nodding, leaving the two alone.

You are utterly confused, more so when Eddie moves off of his chair, kneeling in front of you now that you’re alone.

“Do you, uh, do you think I might be able to take you out sometime?” He rubs the back of his neck nervously, a sweet grin splitting his face.

You blink in surprise “Ye-uh-yes.” Nodding enthusiastically. “…Totally.” You want to cringe at how awkward you are.

Eddie beams at you despite that. “Awesome.”

Steve and Robin, who are peering through the shades that cover Steve’s windows, cheer and celebrate when they see Eddie lean down and plant a kiss right on your red lips.

When you two eventually join them inside, you both take up residence on the pull out couch together, Steve and Robin sleeping upstairs.

And if in the middle of the night, Steve hears the springs of that shitty mattress squeaking, accompanied by a plethora of other muted sounds, he chooses to ignore it for his friend’s sake.

It had, after all, turned out better than he could have imagined.

In the coming days and weeks, he hears little snippets from everyone in the gang, which has in fact grown now to include you.

The updates make Steve smile, especially the little glimpses into your developing relationship with the metal head who is absolutely smitten with you.

You two are inseparable - except for when you work and the nights where you held your respective D&D campaigns.

It’s just before one of those when the kids file into the video store, Steve taking notice of them immediately.

Despite how busy it is, being Saturday, he can’t help but notice that something seems off. And that seems more important than stocking chick flicks on shelves.

“Hey kids, why the long faces?” Steve asks. 

“Mike’s parents are redoing the basement.” Will pouts, to which Steve immediately nods in understanding. 

They’d been using Wheeler’s basement to host their D&D games with Eddie, since Sundays between church and football there wasn’t much chance of his parents bothering them.

Now, it seems like they needed a place to play. And parents were the recurring issue at their every option.

Steve didn’t have that problem.

“Why not use my house?” Steve suggests, interrupting their batting around of ideas. 

The kids' faces light up. “Really?”

This is it, Steve thinks. He nods, telling them “Sure!” Before clearing his throat nervously. “Could I…could I play?” 

Several surprised expressions greet him. “You want to play D&D?”

“Yeah.” Steve grins a little. “Why not?”

They, of course, allow it. So that’s how they all end up on a Sunday night at Steve’s house.

Eddie had sauntered in early to set the whole thing up, trying to pry into Steve’s sudden interest, to no avail, only relenting once the kids showed up and they actually got started. 

They’re all surprised when Steve brandishes a fully flushed out character. More so by his bold strokes and luck with the dice. 

The game is in full swing when the sound of your car pulling up alerts everyone to your presence.

You didn’t usually come see their game - but you knew it was Steve’s first with them, and you’d promised you wouldn’t miss it.

Eddie is ecstatic to have you there, his whole face lighting up as he rushes over to open your door for you.

“Hi princess.” He purrs, giving you a soft kiss on the lips.

“Eddie,” you protest the nickname with a flush. He loves to watch you squirm, leading you over to his throne. It wasn’t the same one from years ago in hellfire - this one didn’t belong to the school, but had been gifted to him as a graduation present. 

The kids had hoped it would inspire him to host the game even without the club - and it had definitely helped. Now it went wherever the game did. Most recently, Eddie had saved it from whatever decorating atrocity was taking place at the Wheeler’s.

Eddie settles into it now, pulling you happily into his lap.

“Confronting deadly peril, Steve?” You ask curiously, a mischievous glint in your eye.

“…with surprising success.” Eddie admits at Steve’s modest shrug.

You give Steve a wide grin. “Is that right?” In answer, he winks at you. Eddie’s hands instinctively tighten on your waist, though he knows there’s no malice behind the action.

You wave a hand indicating for them to proceed. They don’t need much more prodding to launch back into it, Eddie leading them on a perilous journey that has him gripping your hips firmly to stop your wriggling in his lap.

“Sweetheart if you don’t cut that out…” he warns in a low voice - a voice much more familiar than the one he uses to narrate - as the party discusses their next move.

You grin sheepishly at him, and he peppers little kisses to your neck, with fevered promises of…later.

Your giggling is interrupted as Steve leads a charge against Eddie, giving the dungeon master a run for his money. 

It’s quick - efficient - ruthless. He makes you proud. Eddie gives him everything he has in return, but Steve’s meticulous rolling leaves him with the upper hand. Eddie turns over the miniature of the villain this week, admitting defeat.

The party cheers - Dustin shaking Steve vigorously and Mike and Lucas slapping his back while Erica paraded around in victory.

Eddie doesn’t mind their beating his campaign, and he never has. But still, here now with the promise of you, all riled up before they’d concluded, he’s more than happy to be finished, eager to clear out of there.

He starts packing things up, and you help him, fondness in your eyes when you see the adoration the younger kids show for Steve.

Your actions make him think. “I don’t suppose…” Eddie draws the words out slowly. “That you would have anything to do with…that.” He nods at Steve’s character sheet he’d left on the table.

“I’m afraid so.” You give a faux sigh before explaining with a slight edge of pride. “Taught him everything he knows.”

You beam at Eddie, and he’s suddenly, if possible, more eager, to get you to himself.

An impressed whistle left his lips. “You have no idea the kind of monster you created, my love.” 

You laugh at that as the kids overheard, understanding washing over them, Erica being the one to shriek. “I knew he couldn’t be that good!” 

“Oh I have…some semblance of an idea.” You bat your lashes at him.

Eddie is fucking enamored with you. He pulls you in and kisses you deeply, he can’t help himself. 

“Not in front of the children you two!” Steve protests, throwing a pillow from his couch at you, thinking that it was him who created the monster. 

And he couldn’t have been happier about it.

[beth-march]

Hi Belle! 🥰 My questions for you are:

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? Fez/Lexi or for other fandoms. It isn’t like kids, we all have a favorite 😂

How many fics do you currently have in the works?

Which Euphoria characters do you relate to the most?

:)

Hi Claire! These are such thoughtful questions, thank you so much!

I don’t think I have a single favourite fic that I’ve written - I feel like that story has yet to be written, actually? Probably ‘it escapes from my hands into moonlight’ as of now because of the content, where Fez comes to take care of Lexi and they have an honest discussion about addiction and he defends her from Rue, but the writing style in that story isn’t my best. When I think of writing style, I’m happy for the most part with ‘i’ll be your quiet afternoon crush’, I’m particularly proud of how I wrote about Fez and Lexi’s New Year’s scene, if I’m being really honest! 

Now that I think of it, ‘i want to see you but you’re not mine’ actually might be my favourite. It’s so funny because when I first posted it, the first chapter that was focussed so much on Ethan and Lexi’s friendship, I thought it was painfully mediocre, but when I read back over it now - I like how I’ve portrayed Fez and Lexi, a lot. I like their cryptic conversations, I like their friends to lovers dynamic, and there are some lines that I really like! Especially in the second chapter, writing from Fez’s perspective.

OH MY GOSH THOUGH PLEASE PEOPLE TELL ME WHAT YOUR FAVOURITE FIC OF MINE IS??? I'd be so curious to know!

I have a ridiculous amount of fics in the works. I'm working on a baby fic sequel to my cat fic, I'm working on my S1 AU, I’m working on my AU where Fez and Lexi got together just before her play debuted, I guess I still have to work through the disastrous Protective Fez fic. I have other ideas too - I want to write a fic about Fez and Lexi riding out Fez’s prison era, I’m so excited to get started with that story. I’ll probably get plenty of inspiration for that tomorrow! I have so many one shots in mind, too. Including the Fez and Ethan friendship fic, if anyone is interested in that 👀

So, that’s like, five fics in the works... Without considering one shots... I really hope that people aren’t going to lose interest once the season stops airing because I’m going to be writing for all of the foreseeable future!

As for Euphoria characters I relate to - I don’t think I’ll surprise anyone by answering with Lexi, when the world has dubbed her as one of the most relatable characters ever. On a light note, I’m also a brunette bookworm with a taste for eyelet lace. But it goes beyond that - my extended family bears many similarities to the Howards/the group of Euphoria girlies and I have been cast as the lone sensible cousin, so it is a similar dynamic to what Lexi has with her friends. Like Lexi, I am also mostly minding my own business, on a very different path to everyone else, ostracised by shyness and disinterest in debauchery. I also relate to how discerning she is, like she understands her friends and her family and she accepts them and loves them despite their flaws. She tolerates a lot of mistreatment in the name of that love, which is... well, relatable. Not to mention the way that she represses all of her trauma and just gets on with her life without an iota of support lol. 

But Lexi has bravery and intellect that I could only dream of, so we’re not really all that similar!

Actually, surprisingly, the only other character that I really relate to is Rue. I don’t have problems with addiction, or any similarities to her personality, but the way that she talks about her anxiety resonates with me like I don’t remember seeing in media before. When she talked about chasing the quiet in the pilot... when she talks about her desperation to be a better person... because mental health problems often become misconstrued as moral failings... zoo wee mama :(

I realise this got a little bit dark but to be fair we are talking about Euphoria! 😭

[cazzyvintage]

Oblivious

Request from anon: Hi, I really enjoy your writing, particularly your Zemo fics! I had an idea for one that basically follows the while y/n joining Sam, Bucky, and Zemo through Madirpoor and Riga. Only despite Zemo’s flirting, y/n doesn’t really do anything about it or even notice until y/n along with Sam and Bucky witness Walker (New Captian America) murder a flag smasher in the street. They all go back to the safe house and y/n is like, in shock. “Captian America just killed someone” is all y/n can really say. And Zemo is able to calm them down. Maybe the romance can start then?

Word count: 3.4k

Author’s note: This one-shot can be multiple parts, if you would like to see a sequel please say! If I do decide to write a sequel though it will take me a while as I’ve had a lot of requests, please check out my master list to see what I have coming up next and if requests are currently open or not

Masterlist

(Please check out my master list to see what I will be writing next and if requests are open or closed)

Cross-posted to ao3 under the same username

Heels clicked along the pavement as you sashayed along the road, approaching the men before you, two of which you know fondly. The other one, however... not so much.

They all stood close together in a circle, obviously discussing something important but at hearing your voice call out their heads turn towards you, a smile appearing on Sam and Bucky’s faces as they see you. “Long time no see boys,” you say, stopping a few feet away from them to lean on a wall.

They both walk over to you, Bucky pulling you into and hug then followed by Sam hugging you tightly. “Thank you for agreeing to help us out y/n. I know things haven’t been easy for you,”

You fake a smile at Bucky, one you hoped he wouldn’t see past resting your arm around his shoulder. “Anything for my friends,”

He was right, though. These times haven’t been easy for you, especially after Steve Rodgers left. Captain America had always been your idol, ever since you were a little kid you aspired to be just like him. You collected all the Captain America merchandise along with your brother Phil, always arguing with him who owned which toy of his. Meeting Steve had been a dream come true for you. He was the person you were closest to. He helped you come to terms with your brother’s death and whenever you needed help; he was there. You two stuck together through the thick and thin. That’s was how you got to become good friends with Sam and Bucky. You and Steve have always had a complicated relationship, though. You two liked each other and tried to see if you could be something more, but it never seemed to work out. Then Thanos happened. You, along with half the universe, were dusted. For you it was as if you had simply blinked however for Steve it was five years without you. You barely got to see each other again before he went away for good. You couldn’t hate him for it, you understood why he did what he did. He was always telling you about the ’40s, about his childhood, about her. You just wished you weren’t so connected with him. Seeing him there, old, dying. It broke your heart. But times move on. You can’t live in the past as he did.

Your eyes focus on the man behind Sam and Bucky and you frown, pulling your arm away from Bucky. A man you never thought you would see again was staring right back at you.

He stood a few feet back, knowing he wasn’t welcomed in the warm reunion of friendship. He clasped his hands, unsure what exactly he should do right now, feeling awkward, but as he looked over at you his eyes twinkled with recognition. Now you had been interesting to him. You weren’t a super soldier like Steve and James. Yet you certainly could hold your own against them. He had seen when he had first activated James. No, your strength and fighting abilities were down to your own human powers and he admired that. You were one of the few avengers he might have had an inkling to like if the Sokovia attack never happened. Still, it wasn’t as if you were to blame for it. The people who were to blame had suffered for it. You were merely the pawn in the giant game of chess. Perhaps he could grow to like you, after all, he could admit you were certainly tempting to him, the way your body was shaped excited him, the way your neck was shaped made him want to brush his fingers along it and your piercing eyes felt like they could look into the darkest corners of his soul.

“Why is he out of prison?” you snap, bringing Zemo out of his trance

Sam turns to scowl at Bucky as you all turn to Zemo, who awkwardly smiles. “Bucky thinks we need him,” Sam mutters

“Why would we need him!” you exclaim, crossing your arms and shooting Bucky a glare.

“I am invaluable,” Zemo explains with his hands, his eyes unwavering from you as he answers for Bucky.

“He hates super-soldiers, therefore he will help us in getting to Karli,” Bucky says, stepping in front of your eyesight trying to explain himself.

“That also means he hates you, Buck,”

All of them freeze as you address the elephant in the room. Bucky grits his teeth and steps back, averting your gaze as you and Sam stare expectedly at him but he doesn’t respond so Zemo takes his opportunity to step closer to you, now only a few feet apart.

“I can assure you, getting rid of Karli and her super soldier friends is my priority. Not James,”

You clench your jaw in anger as you look at Zemo. He tilts his head, the side of his lip curling up slightly, hoping you’d take a chance on him. Sighing, you turn to shoot one more look at Bucky.

“Steve wouldn’t have liked this,”

Later you sat across from Zemo on his private jet. All of you sat in uncomfortable silence as you flew to Madripoor. Sam and Bucky did not seem as close as you were to both of them. They both just sat on their respective sides and looked out the window. Zemo had a book on him which he seemed very preoccupied reading, yet there were moments where you could feel his eyes settle upon you. Ignoring his inquisitive gaze, you choose to follow in Bucky and Sam’s lead of looking out the window and daydream the rest of the trip away.

Your mind trails back to Steve. You wondered just what Steve would have thought about you teaming up with Zemo. He would have understood, wouldn’t he? It was the best option you had. Ah, but he had always been such a stickler about the rules. Breaking a criminal out and helping him avoid the law wasn’t very patriotic of you. Yep, he would not have gone through with this plan, he would have found another way that worked. But none of the people here were him. He choose not to be here. You knew you had to let him go.

“Champagne?”

You pull your eyes away from the window, coming back to reality as you see a bottle of champagne in Zemo’s hand and an empty glass in his other hand. He already had another glass full beside him as he looked at you expectantly.

“No,”

“Sure?”

“What part of no do you not understand,” you snap harshly glaring at him then back out to the window

“My apologies,” he says, pursing his lips together as he looks down at the empty glass. He glances over to Sam and Bucky but they both shake their heads as well so he hands the glass and drinks back to his butler and sighs as he opens his book again.

The tension between all of you sticks around as you arrive at Madripoor. Zemo had provided you a tight-fitting dress to ‘appear the part’ of your allice, and it showed off a bit too much of your chest than you liked. It was too bright for you, golden and sparky, cutting off at your upper tight, and had a very low v cut. You try your best to pull it down to cover you some more but to no avail. Begrudgingly, you leave the plane to meet up with the rest of them.

“My my y/n, the dress suits you,” Zemo says, smirking as his eyes trail up and down your body as you walk past him taking a straight beeline towards Sam and Bucky.

“How long will this mission take?” you ask, already feeling the cold air nip at your skin.

“Few hours at the least. I’m sorry that you have to do this, y/n”

“Hey, I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to help you two,” you mutter as you hear a car pulling up behind you

“Not exactly this though,” Bucky grumbles, glowering over at Zemo who motions to the car that had arrived. Zemo opens the door and waits for you to get in however you walk to the other side of the car and get in. Bucky chuckles at Zemo’s annoyed expression as he instead gets into the side, which Zemo held open.

During the mission, Zemo kept getting uncomfortably close to you. Occasionally his hand brushed against your back as he moved past you, or his hand would bump into yours slightly, lingering against yours longer than normal.

You knew why he was doing this. Because of Steve. He knew how close you and Steve were, everyone did. During the fight between Steve and Tony which Zemo had helped cause you stuck by Steve every second. Now that Steve was gone, Zemo was trying to rub that in. Trying to irritate you on purpose. You would not let him get to you.

During the meeting with Selby you stood off to the side with Sam and you were feeling pretty good about yourself that the mission was going well until Sam’s phone rang. You tried to keep cool while also giving Sam the wtf look as to why he didn’t put his phone on silent. You hung out hoping things would go okay, but today wasn’t your day.

Shelby got gunned down in front of you, and the mission was ruined. Running in heels wasn’t ideal, but you had to make do. You followed Sam and Bucky as Zemo split up from you, running off somewhere else. Eventually, you kicked off your heels, believing running barefoot would be better than dealing with the agony of heels.

Finally, meeting back up with Zemo, you were ready to have to fight your way out of this mess, but then someone you didn’t think you would ever see again appeared. Sharon Carter. You two weren’t exactly buddy buddies. You got along for Steve’s sake, but it always felt like a sort of rivalry between you two for his attention.

“Y/n,” she says, finally addressing you

“Sharon,” you say back, feeling the awkwardness seep back in. Sharon didn’t seem bothered however, she even kindly let you have some new clothes and shoes which were much more comfortable than the ones Zemo lent you and more your style.

Walking back into the main room you see Zemo sitting down, once again drinking, Bucky sitting down as far away from Zemo as he could get and Sam standing at the side. You choose to stand by Sam.

“Hey, y/n, you doing okay?” Sam asks as you walk over.

“Better than other days. What are we waiting around for?”

“For Sharon to lead us to a party where she can get the information we need,” Zemo answers for Sam, peeking over at you. You ignore him.

Sharon comes back in and tells all of you not to get in trouble while you are out at the party.

“Trouble,��� Zemo jokes, and he once again glances over to you, raising a glass and winking at you as he downs it.

Following Sharon, you head into the party. It was to show off the art pieces she had got a hold of so you thought you might as well look at them as you were unlikely to see any of these genuine pieces again. You could see however Zemo following you. He tried to be sly by checking out the other artworks near you, never exactly where you were, but you could tell because every time you moved to a new place soon enough Zemo would suddenly appear there as well. He leaned into one of the artworks, pretending to study it closely, but the corner of his eyes would flick over to you.

Groaning in frustration at your new stalker, you decide you had to lose him in the crowds. Swaying your body, you enter the dancing crowd and jump along to the music, letting yourself go. You could feel your excitement growing with the crowd as you danced, but with one quick turn around there, you saw him.

Zemo had now entered the crowd and was dancing along to the music as well, pumping his hands in time to it. As you stared at him in disbelief, he notices and takes that as an innovation to dance over to you.

“Dancing is fun, right?” he asks as he claps his hand to the music

“Why are you doing this!” you exclaim glaring at him.

His eyebrows furrow as he looks at you, “I don’t understand what you mean?”

You huff in annoyance and storm away, going to find Sam and Bucky leaving Zemo alone on the dance floor. He watches you go and sighs, moving away from the dance floor. It had been a long time since he last got to socialize with anyone and he was trying with you; he wanted to know you more, but he didn’t want to push you too far either if you were uncomfortable with it.

The next few hours felt like a blur to everyone. Sharon found out where the doctor was and you found out a bit of information before Zemo choose to shoot him. Then the whole place exploded, and you had to fight for your life while Zemo hijacked and car to pick you up. Now you were standing outside the safe house.

Zemo opened up the doors, and with his arm motioned for you to go in first. You roll your eyes at his extravagance and storm in, looking around the place. It was simple, but you could still tell that it was all designer, expensive to Zemo’s tastes. You sit down on the sofa while Zemo instantly gravitates towards the liquor cupboard.

“If you drink so much you won’t have long left to live” you mutter as you watch him pour some whiskey. His head shoots up as he turns sidewards to look at you, raising an eyebrow.

“Concerned about my health now?”

“I’d rather have you not pass out during a mission, at least till you are no longer of use to us then you can drink yourself to death for all I care,”

“Ah concern for the mission, yes you avengers folks are all the same. The mission takes precedence before anything else,” Zemo says, grabbing his glass and walking over to take a seat on the sofa opposite you.

You give him a cold hard stare crossing your arms. “What do you mean by that” you hiss

He tilts his head, smirking as he sees how riled up you were getting. “I’m simply observing that you have to put your mission before human lives. I know from how much I studied Steve-”

“Don’t bring Steve into this!” you exclaim, leaning forward, baring your teeth at him.

Zemo pauses for a moment shocked, he pulls his head back to observe, his mouth slightly ajar as his eyebrows cast down but realization dawns across his face.

“Ah, you and Steve, you two were an item,”

“It wasn’t like that” you murmur, jumping up from the sofa and pacing around the room to try to alleviate the agitation you felt, your nails digging into your arms as you wrapped them around your body in comfort.

“But there was something,” Zemo replies, watching you pace around the room then looking into the glass bitterly, his grip on it tightening.

You turn your back to Zemo to stare at your reflection in the mirror, seeing the tears swell up in your eyes.

“Why are you bringing this up? Why do you keep trying to annoy me Zemo, what purpose are you getting from this apart from some sick sadistic pleasure?”

It was Zemo’s turn to jump up from the sofa, hurt you could ever think so lowly of him, his eyebrows furrowed as he speeds over to you. He stands beside you, getting a lot closer to you than you would like. You turned your head away so he couldn’t see the tears threatening to fall.

“Do you think that bad of me? Y/n we may not have had the best first impression but know that it is never my intention to irritate or upset you,” Zemo says, trying to move even closer to you, but he moves a step too far and you back away.

“Just leave me alone, Zemo” you whisper, then run out of the room to find a bathroom to let everything out.

Zemo watches your form leave, angrily clenching his jaw, knowing he pushed it too far. The vein in his neck twitches as he grabs an ornament by the side of the mirror. Holding it in his hand, he observes the glass figure, a dove, then chucks it into the ground in rage, feeling an inkling of satisfaction at seeing it smash into a thousand pieces. He grabs more ornaments, at that moment not caring how much they each cost, just enjoy the release of anger he felt every time he smashed one.

-

You could hear the blood in your brain roar through your ears, the feeling of your heart hitting your chest in shock as you stared down at Lemar’s dead body.

Your eyes flicker to John’s who knelt beside him, trying desperately to wake him up, but you knew it was hopeless. Lemar was gone. Your eyes flickered around the rest of the room, Karli and her friend realising how bad they have messed up were already running away from the room. Bucky and Sam looked at each other as if knowing what was to happen. Your eyes finally land on Zemo’s. John had tried to arrest him, but you were able to stop him. Zemo was still useful though you hated to admit it, it wasn’t long however till the Dora Milaje would find him.

You feel a hand brush against your shoulder and snap back into reality, “We need to leave, now,” Zemo whispered in your ear, pulling your arm to make you move.

Gathering your senses, you let Zemo lead you out of the building as you hear a crash from above. Running out into the road, you and Zemo catch up beside Sam and Bucky and watch the disaster unfold.

There was John, in Cap’s uniform, holding Cap’s shield above that man.

Steve.

Steve’s shield.

You feel a scream tear from your lips as you watch John Walker bring the shield down, penetrating the man’s chest, staining it in blood. Tears leak from your eyes as you attempt to rush forward, to try and stop it, but arms grasp onto you, pulling you back.

“NO” you repeatedly cried, trying to worm your way out of the grasp, but they gripped you, refusing to let go. Your knees gave out and you sink to the floor, collapsing in the arms of the person who held you, your head buried in the fur part of their coat as they held you to their chest.

You kept sobbing, shaking as the image replayed over and over in your mind.

“Captain America just killed someone,” you whispered, unable to say anything else. The arms which held you picked you up, quietly shushing you, and carried you down a road, back into the safe house.

They tried to put you on the sofa but you clung to their body, not believing you could survive without their support, so they settle on lying down beside you on the sofa.

They turned you to face their body as their arms draped around you, gently rubbing circles into your back. Burying your head into their chest again, you let the sobs wail out as your chest ached from breathing.

“Captain America just killed someone,” you whisper again to him.

“That wasn’t Steve, y/n, Steve would never do something like that,” he murmured, his accent soothing your nerves.

“But it was his shield Zemo. The very thing I had idolized for so long,”

“A shield which by now no longer belongs to him. He was never Captain America y/n, what we just saw proved that. They will give the shield to someone better,”

You sniff, trying to prevent the snot from coming out of your nose as your bloodshot eyes look up into his, “Really?”

He gently smiles at you, taking his hand off your back to push a strand of hair that was hanging over your eye away.

“Yes, they won’t make the same mistake twice,”

Zemo’s words brought more comfort than you could have ever imagined. His embrace brought you warmth and you could feel yourself slowly stop shaking as he held you. Looking away from Zemo in embarrassment, you instead choose to snuggle your head back into his chest, hearing the rapid beating of his heart which lulled you to sleep.

Tags: @sinister-sleep @cable-kenobi @faustlyaccused @chipster-21 @icarusinstatic @yallgotkik @montypythonsholysnail @bunniwritesx @checkurwindow @huntheimpossible @jayxkelsi @avgravy @prestigious-tea @aloyssiac @hannahbal-the-fannibal @alainabooks143 @jokerprettyprincess @plumsandkiwis @latenightartist-author @e-barba @flutterskies @wonderwoman292 @there-goes-thefighter @multiyfandomgirl40 @freyjasamael @ineffablebean

[daxwritesstories]

Jordan’s Fate - Book 1: Chapter 1

[A/N]: This is a sequel to a story I wrote when I was in middle school. It was called Scarlet’s Destiny, it used to be on deviantart but I think my account got taken down. It wasn’t well-written and you don’t need to read it to understand this story. All you need to know is it was about Jordan’s first relationship with a girl named Xia, which ended badly. They were able to patch things up as friends before middle school was over, and that’s how the story ended.

Hope you enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. All of the characters and events in this story are completely made up.

Trigger Warnings: None for this chapter, but other chapters may have some.

Chapter 1 - The Kids Aren’t Alright

Jordan fidgeted in the back seat of the car, trying to distract herself from the sickening knot in her stomach. She had stayed silent for the whole drive, not wanting to let her mom know how scared she was. It was becoming embarrassing to admit her fears, considering how old she was getting. That past summer she had turned 15 but she felt like she hadn’t grown up at all in the past five years. She was still just that same terrified kid.

Her mom pulled the car into the school parking lot and drove around to the front doors. She stopped the car right next to the concrete stairs and turned around in her seat to look back at Jordan.

“Can I just drop you off here?”

Jordan gulped nervously but nodded her head, trying to put on a brave face. Her mom sighed, seeing through the facade.

“You’ll be fine, Jordan. Just go find your friends,” she reassured. Her words didn’t help at all but Jordan took a deep breath and opened the car door.

The sun hit her face as she stepped outside, providing some form of comfort. The weather in Canada could be cruel during September, so at least it was a nice day.

Before her stood Saint Otterburn High School, the school she would be attending for the next three years. It was both the oldest and largest school in the city, and it looked like it too. The bricks that lined the walls were washed out and the metal doors had marks all over them from wear. The building had definitely seen better days.

Hands trembling, Jordan opened the front doors and walked into the foyer. To her dismay, the entire area was filled with new students, most standing in groups talking to each other. There was no way she could find her friends in this. Staying close to the doors, Jordan pulled out her cellphone from her back pocket and sent texts to both Zoe and Ruby.

[Image ID: Text conversation with Zoe at 8:45am. The texts read as follows.

From Jordan: Hey, where are you guys? /.End ID]

[Image ID: Text conversation with Ruby at 8:45am. The texts read as follows.

From Jordan: Hey, are you at school yet? /.End ID]

It wasn’t long before Zoe replied.

[Image ID: Text conversation with Zoe at 8:46am. The texts read as follows.

From Jordan: Hey, where are you guys?

From Zoe: We’re in the cafeteria! /.End ID]

Jordan immediately put her phone away and headed straight for the cafeteria. She remembered where it was from the week prior when she had to pick up her class schedule. The doors to the area were open and it was crowded in there too. Trying not to panic, Jordan scanned the room, searching for her friends. A sense of relief washed over her when she spotted Zoe and Alice waving at her. They were standing next to one of the tables near the middle of the room. Ruby was with them too, looking down at the floor.

Jordan rushed over to meet her friends, feeling somewhat better as she approached them.

“You made it!” Zoe said cheerfully. Alice gave Jordan a friendly smile and Ruby waved at her and then went back to staring at the ground. Jordan could sense that they were all a bit stressed, but Ruby seemed to be on a different level. She must have been just as anxious as Jordan was, if not more.

“I made it,” Jordan echoed. She set her bag on the dark brown, plastic table. It was a single-strap bag meant to be worn on one arm so Jordan could easily set it down. “How long have you guys been here?” she asked.

“Not that long,” Alice answered.

“Have you figured out where your classes are?” Zoe inquired. Jordan shook her head in response. She unzipped her bag and rummaged through it for her schedule. When she found it, she handed the flimsy piece of paper to Zoe. Both Zoe and Alice looked at it intently, Zoe adjusting her glasses to read it.

[Image ID: Jordan’s class schedule. Each class block lists the class, the start and end time, and the room number. 

The Monday through Thursday schedule reads as follows. IT, 9:00 to 10:25, Room 265. Phys Ed, 10:30 to 11:55, Gym. Lunch, 11:55 to 12:30. English, 12:30 to 1:55, Room 205. Math, 2:00 to 3:25, Room 240. 

The Friday schedule reads as follows. Homeroom, 9:00 to 9:15, Room 223. IT, 9:20 to 10:20, Room 265. Phys Ed, 10:25 to 11:25, Gym. Break, 11:25 to 11:40. English, 11:40 to 12:40, Room 205. Math, 12:45 to 1:45, Room 240. /.End ID]

“Apparently we have to go to homeroom first to get a locker and stuff,” Zoe explained. “It says yours is in room 223, which is probably next to mine since mine is room 224, so we can go look for it together.” Jordan smiled and nodded at her helpful friend.

Zoe and Jordan ventured into the hallways together. The new school felt like a maze. The halls all looked the same, making the high school confusing to navigate through. It didn’t help that the room numbers didn’t make much sense either. They seemed to change randomly from hallway to hallway and some numbers were even skipped entirely.

“Look, there’s room 221, I bet our classes are this way,” Zoe said triumphantly.

“I sure hope so,” Jordan remarked. She timidly followed Zoe down the hall as her friend searched for the room. 

“Aha!” Zoe exclaimed. She pointed at a door that had the number 223 above it. “There’s yours, mine is probably the one next to it so I’m gonna go. See you later!”

“Oh okay.” Jordan wished she would stay with her longer but she understood that her friend didn’t want to be late. 

Walking into the classroom full of strangers was nerve-wracking. Jordan recognized a couple people from her middle school but they weren’t anyone she was friends with. She sat down at the first available desk that was closest to the door.

She tried to console herself. It was just homeroom, she would be fine once she got to her regular classes because she was bound to know more people there. During the high school application process, Jordan made sure to apply to be in the arts program because almost everyone she knew from middle school was going to apply for it. That way she could get through high school without having to meet all new people. It wasn’t the best plan but it was all Jordan could really do for herself.

Looking around the room, she noticed other people had notebooks and pencils out on their desks. Following their lead, Jordan opened her bag and took out a blue three ring binder. Earlier, she had put her schedule in the binder’s clear front pocket so she could easily see it during class. 

Next she reached for her pencil case and… Panic. There was no pencil case in her bag. Jordan froze. How could she forget something so obvious? She thought she had put it in her bag the previous night but apparently not. Still panicking, Jordan tried to think of what to do. She couldn’t just go to the rest of her classes without a pencil. She looked around the room but there was nothing. The worst had happened, she would have to ask someone else for a pencil.

Weighing her options, she decided that a blond boy who was sitting in front of her would be good to ask. He wasn’t talking to anyone and he didn’t look intimidating either.

Anxiously, Jordan reached out and tapped the boy’s shoulder. He looked back at her, seeming annoyed.

“Um.. do you have an extra pencil?”

The boy reached into his pencil case. He handed Jordan a pencil without saying a word.

“Thank you,” Jordan whispered, taking the pencil. She laid her head down on the desk and squeezed her eyes shut. This day was already awful and it hadn’t even started yet.

~

After homeroom, Jordan waited outside of the class, binder in one arm and bag hanging on the other, to see if she could find Zoe again. She looked down at her schedule to see how much time she had before her next class. Her eyes widened, realizing the timetable only gave her five minutes between classes. She didn’t have time to wait for Zoe, her next class could be on the other side of the school for all she knew.

Clutching the binder, Jordan bravely joined the traffic of students in search of her next classroom. She randomly chose a hallway at the intersection and just hoped that she guessed right. 

Luckily for her, she spotted the room number almost right away. It was above two open doors at the end of the short hall. Entering the classroom revealed rows of desks with computers on them. 

It was an IT class that was mandatory for some reason. At least it would be easy since Jordan spent a lot of her free time at home using a computer.

The teacher greeted her with a friendly wave and told her to grab a seat anywhere. He was a skinny, nerdy-looking man, probably in his late thirties. Your average IT guy.

Jordan nodded at him and slowly walked around the room. Most of the seats were taken already, and Jordan didn’t recognize a single person there. She quickly searched for an open seat beside a girl. She spotted one right at the end of a row. Perfect. The girl sitting next to it seemed like she might be friendly. She looked sporty and Jordan could tell she was tall even though she was sitting down. She was pretty too.

Jordan rolled the cushioned chair back a bit and quietly sat down at the desk, giving a polite smile to the sporty girl. She returned a tired half-smile.

The class seemed to go on forever. Jordan wasn’t used to having classes that went on this long. At her middle school they had six classes a day but here they only had four, so these were an hour and a half long as opposed to one hour. 

They did basic computer stuff during the class, like creating a Word document and using calendar apps. All were things that Jordan, and probably most of her classmates, already knew how to do. It felt a bit pointless.

~

The next class before lunch was gym, located down a set of hallways next to the main foyer. The area had two gymnasiums, change rooms and showers, a couple offices, and even a hallway that led to a pool and rec center which was attached to the school. It was nothing like Jordan’s middle school, which only had one gym and a small side room that you maybe could call an auxiliary gym.

Jordan only recognized one person in her class, a girl from her middle school who she never really talked to.. She tried to work up the courage to talk to her a couple times but to no avail. Her social battery was clearly running out already.

Thankfully the class was huge, with more than forty students, so Jordan mostly got away with doing nothing. She spent the majority of the class standing off to the side near the bleachers, blending into the background, something she had gotten comfortable doing. It helped her deal with that mysterious feeling of being watched, a feeling that seemed to keep getting worse as she got older.

~

At lunch, Jordan rushed to find her friends. Zoe had texted her that they had no luck finding a table so they were going to meet by the front doors instead. When Jordan arrived, she found them all sitting on the tiled floor with their lunches. They were all in a row against the wall so they could lean back on it.

“This is even worse than at Willow Creek,” Jordan joked.

“Yeah, at least we had a table there,” Zoe replied, referring to their middle school lunch table that was in a terrible spot. They really thought they had it bad back then.

“Did you guys have any classes together?” Jordan asked. She sat down next to Ruby and searched her bag for her packed lunch.

“Ruby and I had science together,” Zoe said. Ruby nodded in agreement, sipping on a juicebox.

“Guess what, Jordy?” Alice chimed in. “I have art class with Elliot.”

“Cool.”

“Just thought you’d like to know.”

Jordan gave Alice a confused look but her friend just shrugged coyly. Shaking her head, Jordan grabbed her binder to look at her schedule.

“I don’t know anyone from my classes so far,” she complained. “Well, except Ashton is in my gym class.”

Zoe furrowed her brow, trying to put a face to the name. “Is that the girl who’s dating Clay?” Clay was another person from their middle school. He was in the same class as Jordan, Zoe, and Ruby in the 8th grade. He was disliked by quite a few people but Jordan didn’t know the details of why.

Jordan nodded in response.

“Oh,” Zoe said plainly.

“Here, give me your schedule,” Alice said, reaching her hand out. Jordan passed the binder to her and Alice examined the timetable carefully.

“Huh, that’s weird,” she said, half to herself.

“What?” Jordan asked.

“None of your classes say ACL on them, look,” Alice reached into her bag to pull out of her own schedule. She held it out to Jordan and pointed at one of her class blocks. The class name had “-ACL” written at the end of it.

“What does that mean?” Jordan inquired.

“It means the class is part of the arts program,” Zoe explained.

“Oh no,” Ruby said, sounding worried.

Jordan suddenly realized what they meant. The worst had happened, she hadn’t been put into the arts program. Trying not to panic, Jordan thought back to the month prior. She definitely got an acceptance letter that said she would be in the art program, she remembered it so vividly. There had to be a mistake.

“Maybe you should go to the office and ask them about it,” Zoe suggested. She was right, the office would probably be able to help her.

Jordan quickly put her lunch back into her bag, giving up on the meal altogether. She was too anxious to eat anyway. She promptly got up and made her way to the main office. 

The office was a little busy so Jordan had to wait in a line to talk to someone. Once she got to the desk she showed the lady her schedule and explained what was going on. The lady behind the desk was empathetic and looked into it right away. She typed Jordan’s information into the computer and confirmed that she was accepted into the arts program. She seemed just as confused by this as Jordan was.

“I’m not sure why they gave you the wrong schedule but I’ll send in a request for class changes,” said the lady. She explained that a lot of students were requesting class changes since it was the first day so Jordan probably wouldn’t get her new schedule until the next week. She was to attend her current classes until then.

Jordan thanked the lady and left the office feeling defeated. This was the worst. Not only did she have to keep going to classes with strangers for the rest of the week, but the next week was going to be like the first day of school all over again with all new classes. She started tearing up. She had been trying not to cry all day but it was getting more difficult as her anxiety built up. What an awful way to start high school.

~

The rest of the school day felt like a blur. Jordan sat quietly through her two remaining classes. She was too scared to even look at anyone, staring at the ground instead. She just wanted to disappear.

Finally the bell rang, mercifully signaling the end of the day. Jordan packed up her things and checked her phone.

[Image ID: Text conversation with Zoe at 3:30pm. The texts read as follows.

From Zoe: Are we still going to the mall? /.End ID]

Oh, right. Her friends had made plans to go to the mall together after school that day. Jordan had completely forgotten about it. Oh well, she might as well just go. She knew she was running out of energy, but maybe spending time with her friends would give her a boost.

[Image ID: Text conversation with Zoe at 3:30pm. The texts read as follows.

From Zoe: Are we still going to the mall?

From Jordan: Yeah let’s meet by the doors again.

From Zoe: Okay! /.End ID]

Zoe and Ruby were already waiting together when Jordan arrived at the doors. Zoe was typing on her phone and Ruby seemed slightly more upbeat now.

“Is Alice still coming?” Jordan asked.

“Yeah, I just texted her,” Zoe replied. “She’ll be here soon.”

The girls chatted about their day while they waited for Alice. Jordan explained what was going on with her schedule and her friends offered their sympathies. Ruby seemed especially concerned about her. She probably knew how Jordan felt better than anyone else since the two were so similar. They were both the type to be quiet around anyone who wasn’t a friend and they shared an intense fear of public speaking. Their similarities made Jordan feel a little less alone.

Eventually Alice showed up and the four of them took the next bus to the mall. They shopped around for a bit and then went to the food court. They all got food and sat down at a table together. The food court was crowded and noisy, filled with groups of teenagers. It seemed like everyone had the same idea to come to the mall after school. A mix of smells from all the different kinds of fast food filled the dry air. 

The busy environment was making Jordan uncomfortable and she noticed that Ruby was also starting to look stressed again.

“Did I tell you guys I got a job at Dairy Queen?” Ruby said out of the blue.

“What? No way!” Zoe exclaimed.

“That’s great, Ruby,” Alice congratulated.

Jordan suddenly felt her stomach turn. She was also supposed to get a job over the summer but she didn’t. She was too scared.

“Yeah, I’m really nervous about it though,” Ruby went on.

“I’m sure you’ll get used to it in no time,” encouraged Zoe. Alice reached over and gave Ruby a pat on the back.

“Our little Ruby is growing up so fast,” she teased. Ruby smiled and shook her head in response.

“I’ve been applying for jobs too but no place has called me back yet,” Zoe added.

“Same here,” said Alice.

“What about you, Jordy?” Zoe asked politely. Jordan gulped nervously, not expecting to be questioned.

“I’ve been looking around but-” she stopped mid-sentence as her voice broke. The tears were coming back. She needed to leave quickly, not wanting her friends to see her cry. She hastily stood up and grabbed her bag.

“Are you okay?” Alice asked, concerned.

“Um, I have to go to the bathroom,” Jordan said. She started walking away before her friends could say anything. She wasn’t expecting everything to come crashing down right then and there, but it was. At the most inconvenient and embarrassing time. 

Jordan made her way to an elevated walkway near the bathrooms. It was behind a wall that blocked it off from most of the food court, so it made for a good place to hide. She leaned against the wall, pulled out her phone and called her mom. Tears were already running down her face when her mom answered.

“Hello?”

“Can you pick me up at the mall?” Jordan asked, voice shaking. Her mom sighed.

“Right now?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

Jordan hung up and rested her head against the wall, trying to calm herself down. The entire day had just been too much for her to handle and she needed to go home and rest. She had no idea how she was going to make it through the rest of the week.

“Hey,” Ruby’s voice, although quiet, startled Jordan a little.

“Oh, hey,” Jordan responded, wiping the tears off her cheeks. It was so embarrassing to cry in front of her friends, even though Jordan knew they would never judge her.

“Are you alright?” Ruby asked.

“Um, yeah, I’ll be fine, thanks,” Jordan said. “I just… need to go home.”

“Do you have a ride?”

“Yeah, my mom is coming to pick me up,” Jordan explained.

“Okay,” Ruby said softly. “I’ll tell Zoe and Alice that you left.”

Jordan sniffled and smiled at her friend. Ruby was so kind and she understood exactly what Jordan was going through.

“Thanks,” Jordan said. 

Jordan’s mom arrived soon and drove her straight home. When they got home, she asked Jordan if she wanted to talk about what happened but Jordan just shook her head and went up to her room. She spent most of the night in her bed, hiding under the covers. All she could think about was how much she missed her friends from Willow Creek. All the friends who went to different high schools than her. She missed Hillary. She really missed Xia. 

Jordan hadn’t spoken to her since her birthday in July. The two tried to rekindle their friendship after grade 9 graduation, but they ended up having to do so in secret after Jordan’s mom found out and forbade them from speaking to each other. Eventually it became too difficult to stay in contact and they fell off again. 

The following August was rough. Jordan only really talked to Hillary over text and she was usually too busy with her new boyfriend(s) to actually hang out in person. She would occasionally text Ruby but she didn’t like to text all that much. Her neighborhood friends still came over sometimes but Jordan felt like they didn’t understand her. Despite being in the same neighborhood, their families led completely different lives. So it was only natural that they would drift apart as they grew older, but knowing it was going to happen didn’t make it any easier.

Jordan was distracted from her thoughts when her phone buzzed. She poked her head out from under the blanket to check who it was.

[Image ID: Text conversation with Hillary at 7:23pm. The texts read as follows.

From Hillary: Hey Jordy.

From Hillary: How was your first day? /.End ID]

Jordan smiled and wiped the tears from her eyes. At least she had friends who genuinely cared about her. Life wasn’t so bad.

[waywardimpalawriter]

“Kissing me breaks the promise… remember?" with Javier and can I please have a happy ending, I know it's angst prompts but.... :D Thank you!

Crazy Love

Pairing: Javier Peña x Plus Size Female Reader

Characters: Javier Peña, Steve Murphy, mentions Connie Murphy

Setting: After season one episode 7 ‘You will cry tears of blood’, five months after the events in ‘Heels’,

Rating: M (Mature), E (Explicit), NSFW, 18+ only please

Warnings: mentions of gun violence, almost killing a child, self hatred, smut, unprotected sex, Angry Javier (yes he needs a warning), angst, slight fluff at the end,

Summary: One slip up, reacting too quickly he could’ve ended the life of one way too young to fight the wars of old men. Thoughts filled with darkness, what if’s and self degradation. Wanting to loose himself in the only way he knows. To find because of you he can brave the dawn and the coming war.

Word count: 5,985 (with lyrics)

Notes: Thank you so much for the request sweetie, @autumnleaves1991-blog I hope you enjoy. Prompt in bold. The song used is ‘Crazy Love’ written by Van Morrison and preformed by various artists. This also a sequel to “Heel’s part 1” written some months back.

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Forever’s: @chickensarentcheap @jedi-mando

Knuckles white with the grip he’s got on the steer wheel, eyes darting between the thin packed streets and Murphy with the baby in his arms. “What about the kid? Any ideas where to take her?”

Missing the shrug, with his eyes back on the road, “For now I’ll take her with us.” Smirk twitching his dark blond mustache with the look Javier pins him with at a stop light. “Don’t worry Javi she ain’t gonna stay with you. Poor darlin can’t live on whiskey and cigarettes. Though the parade of women might slow with her at your apartment.”

“There’s no parade jackass,” trying to focus on the road ahead and off what almost occurred three hours ago.

Subtle tick to his jaw knowing something’s bothering his partner about what went down. More to the point of how it went to shit and letting two high ranking Sicario slip through their fingers. “Wanna spill what’s eaten at you?”

“No just take care of the kid don’t need you play shrink in my head,” pulling up to the embassy, Javier kills the engine turning fully to look at Steve. “Care to share your explanation to Noonan or will you wing it?”

Shrugging Steve glances down into her sleepy eyes trying to figure out just what he’ll say. More importantly what he’s going to tell Connie. “I’m not,” looking back over at Peña seeing a raised brow. “I’ll take her home to Connie, figure out this shit as we go.”

“I’m sure Y/N would babysit,” mentioning you name cut deeply as the last month he’s put distance between the two of you. Continuing the relationship based solely on your sexual needs instead of the feeling he keeps buried.

“Doubtful, she’s working on transferring out. Packing I’m sure takes her time up right now,” seeing the scowling confusion drawing his brows down. “You knew she asked for a transfer right?”

“When?” Curses fill his mind. Directed fully at himself for letting the situation spiral out of control to the point you’ve become that notch on his bed post. Telling himself he’s going to let you go but never finding the courage to actually cut the strings. “She never mentioned taking a transfer. ”

The nights spent together you never mentioned a transfer. But then words rarely left either of your lips that’s not in passionate pleas wanting more or demands for completion. Conversations the first to go in the crumbling relationship, embraces followed not long after and the final straw added a month and a half ago. No kisses on the mouth anyway a promise you made him invoke to separate the past pleasures from the present stalemate.

Revisiting those thoughts often, Javier understood why you made the decision. One he hated but respected. Wondering most nights why you still let him inside your soft plush body instead of putting up a wall between the two of you. Shoving him out of your life fully. But then the transfer you didn’t speak of talked louder than any uttered words could.

“Two weeks ago, something about returning back to the States. Damn shame Y/N’s a fucking amazing secretary even better person. Why’d you go fuck things up for us both?” Wanting to knock some sense into Javier but a part of Steve understood the other man’s reasons for pushing you away. “Just let her go man this job she’s not fit nor can put up with the stress. I know I pushed at first but whatever you did to shover her away it’s for the best.”

“She’s a lot stronger than you know,” said more to himself than Steve. Other mans words hitting deeper than Javier would say, his fingers tightening around the leather steering wheel. “You don’t know shit Murphy.”

“I know a month ago things changed between the two of you.” Switching the baby to his other arm cradling her close to his chest. “Whatever happened she become withdrawn, stopped smiling as much,” piercing him with a hard stare. “Reverting back to the woman I first met when coming Bogota.” Glancing out the windshield Steve drag a hand over his face exasperated sigh leaving his lips. “ piece of advice either fess up explain what’s eaten at you or let her go.”

Selfishness claws at his mind wanting to keep you from leaving. From getting away not only from Columbia it’s self but from him. The realistic half needing you safe a world removed from the war starting to build back up. This afternoon’s events flash through his mind of how he almost killed a kid. A fucking kid who tried to protect the Sicario scum he chased and cornered. Would’ve had him had the kid not pulled a gun on him. The decision not to pull the trigger an easy one this time. But what about the next? Making him no better than the men he chases if he decided to take the shot so easily. Affirming those thoughts to let you go for your greater good and health.

“Javi?” Snapping fingers to gain his attention. “Deep in thought or just swimming the shallow waters?”

Scowl taking up home over his features, “Don’t worry about it doesn’t concern you.”

“Fuck you say, she’s my friend to Javi.” Shaking his blond head wondering how much pushing it’ll take before Peña would break. “Besides I think Connie has a good chance at kicking your ass if you do anymore damaged. She’s wanted to get her hooks into you for a while now.”

Almost chuckling at those words though it’s mirthless and self deprecating. “She’s next in line,” tossing the words out while starting the Jeep. Silence reigns on the drive over to their apartment, pulling up to the curb and letting Steve out.

Who pauses in the open door, “Heading to Y/N’s? Or back to the Embassy?”

“Paperwork,” impatiently waiting for Steve to shut the door.

Eager for some peace and time to think. He sees you standing in the doorway arms crossed under your generous breasts. For once actually studying your features taking in the fact you look somber, dressed in well loved jeans and baggy T-shirt. No makeup, though Javi told you a thousand times how beautiful you look without all those cosmetics painted on your face. Heart kicking up at the way your staring at him. Barely seen with you so far away but he knows there’s a softness shining in your eyes. Emotions he’s never tried to decipher in other women till you. Thoughts now run into each other, fears chasing after wanting so much but feeling undeserving.

Soft chuckle echos around the Jeep’s cabin making Javi glance at Steve, “Time better served explaining than useless paperwork.” Looking over his shoulder to find you gone, “Before it’s to late and she’s gone.” Door slamming shut, Steve leans in through the open window with a meaningful expression on his handsome face. Patting the inside slight nod of his blond head before turning to go inside leaving Javier with to many thoughts.

Pulling away from the curb happening to glance back towards the apartments catching you standing at the window. Hand pressed to the glass unreadable look on your face one he’s sure shows signs of displeasure and anger. With a blink your silhouette disappears heart clenching at the thought he’s just imagined you standing there. Another curse flies from his lip, palm forcefully slamming down on the steering column doing nothing to temper the anger boiling inside his mind. Instead Javier guns the engine taking off at a high rate of speed receiving numerous honks in irritated warning.

*************************

Letting the curtain fall back in place wild thumping of your heart pulsing out a rhythm that aches with every pound. Partly hating yourself for getting involved with a man incapable of having any kind of relationship other than sexual. Asking yourself why you keep letting him back into your bed, into your heart knowing it’ll just break in the end. Only one answer comes to mind and you push it firmly back into the dark abyss. Focusing on what you needed to done. Having struggled for the last two months with the decision to finally put in for a transfer home, away from Columbia and Javier Peña. Never an easy choice especially when you’ve fallen in love with a man who would never love you back.

Heavy knocking makes you jump in spot leaning against the wall by the window. Hand coming to rest against the quickly beating organ threatening to thump right outta your chest. Taking a breath trying to calm down from the freight you take small steps to eat up the distance towards the door. Another round of pounding has a scowl appearing wondering who would beat your door down at this time of evening.

“Hold your horses I’m comin’ already,” raising you voice loud enough to at least pause the noise.

Grasping the doorknob right when, “Hermosa,” his voice pulls your hand back almost as if the knob burned you with that very endearment. “Open up you can’t hide I know your there.”

“Go away Javier I’m not in the mood,” arms crossed glaring at the door. Pivoting on bare feet to track towards the kitchen going back to sorting through what your keeping and leaving behind. Freezing in place the unmistakeable sound of a key sliding into lock. Cursing the fact you never asked for the spare back and giving him one in the first place. Try as you might to make your feet move instead there rooted in spot when the door opens. “I didn't invite you in Javi turn your ass around and leave.”

Breath escaping quickly, eyes narrowing after searching the apartment he’s spent the last months in. Catching sight of half filled boxes, newspaper scattered over the coffee table, before landing on your furious features. Hands gripping wide hips, soft chin jutted out in annoyance while eyes spit anger burying the true feelings deep. “It’s true?”

“Why do you care?” Countering his words biting the inside of your cheek to keep tears from sliding coldly down your cooling skin. “Leave Javier,” exasperated and tired just wanting to move on, putting the relationship in the past.

Not two steps away his warm gun callused hand incloses around your wrist tugging and turning your plush body around to face him. “Not till you answer me.”

“We don’t talk about feelings remember Peña, your rules,” yanking your wrist free glare firmly in place.

Flinching at the harsh tone eyes scorching him with there intensity, his own somber and filled with regret. Deserving of those very words no matter how much they hurt. He moves forward for you to take one back reaching to grasp both shoulders. Taking another step out of his reach slow two step pattern finds your back pressed against the bar counter. Reminiscent of the first time you made love all those months ago. Except this time you’d stand strong push him away and not fall prey to those warm russet eyes filled with so many indescribable emotions.

“Stupid rule I never should’ve put in our relationship,” three feet of space between the two of you. Both chests heaving breaths eyes locked and searching. His eyes close drawing in your familiar scent letting it wash all the days stress clean for a single moment in time. Ear’s picking up the quick beating of your heart wishing as his eyes open a smile would bloom over those kissably soft lips.

“But you did and there’s no taking it back now,” firm stance starting to crumble under the weight of emotions filtering through his dark eyes.

Half way to reaching out his hands drop back to fist at his sides, “I’m sorry hermosa I didn’t mean…” unsure how to fix what’s broken. Never good at speaking his feelings even when the need presents its self.

I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles

And the heavens open every time she smiles

And when I come to her that's where I belong

Yet I'm running to her like a river's song

“What’d want from me Javier?” Pleading tone arms crossed to close your body off. Putting up a defense against the one man who’s managed to crumble every wall surround your heart. To starve off the bubbling emotions threatening to spill over and consume you.

Closing the small gap, callused hands cup both cheeks, fingers spread from apples to jawlines. Brushing his thumbs under your eyes his own pleading and soft ‘the puppy’ look you nicknamed it two weeks into the relationship. “To kiss you.”

Swallowing harshly, “Kissing me breaks the promise… remember?" Willing your body not to react, not to turn and place kisses to his palm. Nuzzling the warmth drawing peace from his comforting touch. “We made rules you know how I feel about kissing Javi.”

Almost two months ago things started to fall apart. Always asking yourself why you still let him into your bed and body. Part of you knowing the space carved Javier hole in your heart will never close. Not even denying the both of you those intimate kisses could change the fact he’s wormed his way through defenses long held too fall in love with your DEA agent.

“I know mi amor,” sliding one hand down from your face to wrap his arm around your thick waist. Pulling you flush into his embrace and against his body. Turning the both of you so it’s his back pressed into the counter. Savoring the softness wishing you’d hold him. Run your fingers through his hair and chase away the stress currently resurfacing with your tense posture. “I don’t want you to leave.” No truer words spoken ones that cut his very soul with the implications of what could happen if he didn’t take Steve’s advice.

Agony rips a new hole in your heart at his words, at the endearment dripping from those sinful lips. “You don’t mean that.” Eyes close to keep from staring into russet browns. Trying not to give in and foolishly hope he means what he speaks.

“I do hermosa,” eyes popping open at the barest brush of his chapped lips against yours, widen orbs find his shut, brow furrowed. “I don’t want to loose you.”

“Javier,” breathlessly whispering his name. The intensity of Javi’s declaration scares you not wanting to believe for a second his words ring true. Not when so many broken promises lay at your feet. Yet, if there’s one thing you know about Javier Peña he’s honest, never lying to you about what he wanted. Holding back sure, not letting you in those tightly held defenses of his own fuck yes, but lie to you never. Those thoughts make others chase after. Ones that scare you into thinking you’ve made a huge mistake by asking for the transfer. Could you leave his man who holds your heart? Walk away from a relationship that’s possibly just hitting a rough patch? So engrossed in those thoughts you don’t realize he’s tipping your chin up to angle your head in the prefect position to slot his mouth over yours.

Javier’s restraint having snapped with his name slipping from your bitten lips, wanting to meld the two of you together in the only way he knows how. Showing you with his body what his words couldn’t express. Javier captures your mouth in a bruising kiss filled with demands. Teeth biting at your lips, dragging plump bottom in to abuse with nibbles and soothing over with his tongue. Harsh gasp blown from your mouth giving him access to the warm cavern. Drinking from your well, tasting your flavor on his tongue always returning for more. Tangling together as his arm tightens around your soft waist.

Garnering a moan of need from deep within your chest. Attacking his mouth with your own, fingers coming into play by carding through those thick mahogany strands tugging harshly. Receiving a growl in return that vibrates down to your very core clit throbbing in response to his rough actions.

Mouths parting to gather air, “I need you hermosa please,” desperation coloring his tone foreheads resting together. The hand still cupping your cheek slides around to gently cup the back of your head. “I need…” swallowing hard, fighting to keep from taking you hard and fast right there. Burying the fear and pain, the anger and worry into your soft gentle body. Letting you sooth the demons threatening to consume his soul. But he couldn’t, promising to never show that side of himself to you.

Those thoughts in mind Javier moves in to kiss you only to chase your mouth till you place fingers over his searching lips. Seeing a spark of need in he eyes that’s closed away before fully blooming. Leading you to remember a conversation the two of you had at the on set of your relationship. Knowing what he needed and how, you step back watching his features fall with his arms to the side.

Only to have confusion replace the crestfallen expression as you tug the t-shirt up and off your body. Standing in just your panties and jeans, “I told you a long time ago Javier I’m not made of glass this body…” hands gliding up from your waist to soft tummy and generous breasts. “Won’t break if your rough with me.” Heat sparking in eyes that will him to listen, give in and take you. “If I’m staying and we work this out you’ll have to let me in.”

Each word hits him hard square in the heart, “I don’t want to hurt you cariño.”

“You already have Javier,” head dropping you go to tug your shirt back on. Only to have it ripped from your hand and tossed somewhere unseen. That soft gasp making his heart beat triple time. Strong arms wrap around your body to bring you back into his warmth. “Fix what you broke.”

There’s no gentleness to the possessive kiss Javier captures your mouth with. Large warm hands grip your plush ass to press into your tummy the thick ridge of his jeans covered erection. Low growl slipping passed parted gasping lips that angle for the right spot to draw those whimpers and moans he can never get enough of. Separating long enough to have you rip his tan button up open, little plastic disks pinging off the wall and tiled floor. Scoring your short nails over his soft tummy, toying with the button of his jeans.

“Fuck,” hissing through kiss swollen lips that attack your neck with bitting teeth. Wanting to mark each inch of you in reminder to himself of who you derive your pleasure from. “Do that again,” demanding cadence gets a soft smirk to spread over your bitten lips.

Keeping your eyes lock, breath existing quickly because of the passionate kiss. Short nails rake up his chest and leave little red lines behind. Detouring to pinch his pebbled tight nipples receiving another low growl against the skin of your collarbone. Where his mouth sucks a purpling mark laving his tongue over the bruising skin. Enjoying the shutter he feels race down your spine.

Pushing the shirt from his shoulders Javier raises his head to stare into your desire darken eyes. “Fuck me Javier till I can’t walk tomorrow.”

Simple words ignite a passion and deep seated need inside his body to claim and wreak you. Clothing becomes nothing more than obstacles in the way of having naked skin against his own. The two of your fumbling with buttons and zippers. His parting on a sigh of relief as you push the fabric to pool around his ankles. Nimble fingers brushing through course little hairs. Leading your hand to wrap around his shaft. Thick girth barely covered by your hand that you pump along heated velvet skin.

Smirking at the groaning string of Spanish curses falling from his lips. Only replaced by the pout, when he brushes your hand away. Mouth still just inches from yours brushing taking another sip from your lips. Drowning in the taste of your mouth, the feel of your plump lips against his. Devouring the pout and only breaking to whisper, “Later princesa.” Toeing off boots and soak covered feet pressing out of jeans, naked as on his born day for your eyes to devour.

Becoming insnared with his beauty far too long for Javier’s liking. Lips licked slowly watching the bob of his jutting cock. Mouth watering in want of a taste. Quick breaths expanded his soft covered muscular chest your hands itch to dust over. His handsomeness distracting you to the point a squeal issues from the back of your throat when he pulls you by the belt loops towards the couch. Skilled fingers making quick work of getting your jeans undone warm palms sliding the fabric down your body.

Javier drops back into the couch bringing you between his spread knees and placing kisses to your tummy. Nuzzling the underside of your breasts. Looking up to ensnare your vision with his own desire filled gaze. Strong arms holding you in place while eyes close, nose rubbing into your soft scantly skin resting his head on your tummy. Hands coming up to card through his hair gently this time tugging the locks and wrapping his shoulders with your arms. Emotions clogging your throat burning with the need to release the tears of mixed feelings.

Moaning head tossing back when his warm tongue peeking out to teasing the taut nipples his hands tug your panties down. Becoming impatient and ripping the thin cotton from your body. Making you gasp and look down into those desire blacken eyes you choose happily to drown in. “You’ll…” swallowing your words on a moan as those thick skilled fingers draw through your folds. Tapping your clit several times and retreating to slide inside your clinching walls.

She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

She's got a fine sense of humor when I'm feeling low down

And when I come to her when the sun goes down

Take away my trouble, take away my grief

Take away my heartache, in the night like a thief

“I’ll buy you more cariño and go with you to help pick out certain ones,” giving you a cheeky wink. Groaning with the feel of slick coating his fingers, smirk in place when your hands brace on his shoulders to keep from tipping over into his arms. Pulling his fingers out to suck them clean making sure your watching his every move. The resounding whimper he draws out brings the same smug grin too tug at his lips. Gripping the back of your thick thighs to spread your stance and slot his own knees between.

Pulling you down against him knees on either side of his thighs. Hiss issued at the contact of your dripping folds coating his shaft trapped between your bodies. Rolling hips to tease your own hands gripping the back of the couch to brace yourself while raising up. Deep moan breaks from your chest when Javier draws the fat cock head through your folds. Circling your clit as your hips match the movements. Waiting till he’s notched himself at your entrance before slamming down against him.

Head tossing back at the stretch and burn of him splitting you open gasps of delight echo and play with the groans from Javier. Who grips your hips, holding you against him for a time face buried in your chest. Hot mouth searching out blindly latching onto your right nipple to bite down just hard enough to make your quivering channel squeeze him tightly.

“Fuck,” single word mumbled against your skin. When you start to move setting a quick pace that’s hard and demanding. Head dropping back between your gripping hands. String of curses and praise leave his lips. “Just like that hermosa, so fucking wet for me,” grunting into your mouth that came to fuss to his. Sharing breaths while you move against his body.

Taking possession of his pleasure with a kiss that’s deep and hungry. Devouring the sounds he makes with each quick roll of your hips. Pressing your generous breasts against the hard plains of his chest, nipples brushing his skin as his own hands grip your thick soft waist. Leaving behind bruises with how tightly he holds you. One hand gliding over sweat slicked skin to cup a full ass cheek giving a squeeze before landing a hard slap.

Movements falter with the stinging pleasure coursing through your veins, “Javi.” Kiss breaking breathlessly to catch his eyes. Seeing the indecision clearly written, you nod leaning to brushing your lips over his ear, “Again please.”

Mouth buries against the spot where shoulder and neck meet, planting his feet firmly to thrust into your welcoming cunt quicker. Letting a moment pass till he lands another smack to the other ass cheek. Soothing the pain with his warm palm, “Like that princesa?” Drawing his nose over the sweaty expanse of his throat tossed back on a gasp. Bearing your neck to his hungry gaze and mouth.

Taking advantage to bite and suck, thick mustache abrading your skin in the most delicious of ways. Sending tingles to dance across your skin making your clit throb with each hard pound of his cock deep inside your quivering walls. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders for leverage as your knees sink into the couch and you bounce on Javier’s cock. Thick thighs shaking as orgasm builds quicker than you thought possible.

“Yes,” whimpering out in answer. Both hands cup your ass helping you move against him. Sweat slicked shoulders make for a tough grip movements becoming choppy and sloppy. Low whine bubbles from the back of your throat needing more but unsure how to say.

Javier picks up on the destress, pulling out making the whine lengthen. “Lay back on the couch for me hermosa,” seeing the confusion in your gaze. Javi tugs you to sit in the corner of the couch, pulling till your almost flat and he crawls between those thick thighs he wants wrapped around his waist.

Sliding back inside of you on a groan, “Still so tight for me princesa I could stay buried in your pretty pussy forever never growing tired of having your surround me.”

“Javi,” heat flares across your body at his words, face buried in your palms. Only to have them pulled and placed on his chest. Shocked yet pleased with his sentiments, the way he growls out the words setting off tingles dancing down your spine.

Gasping when he pulls out resting just the tip before surging back angling to hit that little spot only he’s managed to discover inside you. Right leg draped over his hip left dangling off the couch as your hands scrap and grope at his shoulders. Strong arms press on either side of you holding himself up while rocking his hips into yours. Setting a fast and hard pace that has you gasping, moans of incoherent words tumble from your mouth that hangs open trying to gather breath.

Watching with hooded eyes, drinking in the way you look, the passion morphing your features never wanting to let you go. To always see you in the throws of pleasure he delivers to your body. Praying to whoever will listen that you’ll stay. Those thoughts creating a fire inside his body that moves quicker.

Wanting to show you his feelings by repeatedly burying his cock deep inside your throbbing cunt. Loving your soft thick body with his mouth latching onto a breast. Nipping skin and taunt nipples, curling his tongue before biting down and switching to the twin. Feeling your nails score his back and shoulders only driving on his own pleasure.

Needing you to cum first though, Javier slides one hand between your slick bodies to caress your clit with tight circles of pressure. Smirking into your flesh when you gasp and squirm under him. His name breathlessly spoken to the heavens your back arching off the couch. “That’s my girl cum for me amor soak my cock.”

“Javier,” fingers card through his hair pulling his mouth back to yours. Tender and sweet nothing like the previous kisses as you pour your heart out to the man pounding you into the couch. Foreheads rest together, moans dripping from your lips brushing against his trying to hold back to draw out the pleasure. Afraid of the final moment he finds completion and walks out of your life maybe for good this time. “I love you,” unable to stop those three words from tumbling out. Orgasm slamming through your body with the hard thrusts of Javier’s hips. Crying out his name, arching against him breath stuck along with tears in your throat.

Swearing he heard things, Javier’s pace stuttered but his heart pounds quicker. Hips having a mind of their own as his body rushes to completion. Cumming harder than he’s ever in his life, filling your clinching walls with hot stick seed. Strength evaporated from his arms collapsing into your embrace. Burying his face in your neck, hot moist breath fanning out over your skin. Small after shocks roll through both your bodies garnering whimpers and moans from both of you.

Time, unsure of how much passes while you card fingers through his sweat slicked hair. Enjoying this moment, basking in the after glow of your love making while praying it’s not the end.

“Don’t leave,” words whispered into your skin so low there barely caught. Wondering if you’ve heard things your fingers pause watching on stuttering breath as Javier raises his head to stare into your eyes. Wondering if you meant what you said or just caught up in the pleasurable sex and let it out. It’s on the tip of his tongue to ask when you beat him to the punch.

“I… I…” words lost in the jumble of your mind unsure what to say. Fearful your passionate declaration went unheard or worse ignored.

Cupping your cheek surprised to find tears tracking down your cheek, “Don’t leave me Y/N please.”

Searching his bright russet eyes confused till you see what he’s really saying. Realization blooming across your mind your own hand coming up to embrace his cheek. Thumb swiping over the apple, “I’ll speak to Noonan.” Bringing his mouth down to yours for a soft sweet kiss.

“Do you really love me?” Foreheads resting together breath held, his eyes closed tightly fearing the answer.

Shocked he’s asking. Remembering the times you tried to get him to talk about his feelings becoming shut down pushing the conversation away or distracting you with kisses and sex. With the lengthening silence Javier dares to open his eyes catching the soft expression in yours that cracks his frozen heart.

“I wouldn’t say those words if I didn’t mean them Javi you know that,” continuing to brush your fingers over his stubbled jaw. Up into his soft sweaty hair to gently scratch his scalp knowing how much he enjoys when you do. Rewarded with a low purr from the back of his throat. “What happened today baby?”

Fear keeps him quiet for a moment till, “I almost killed a kid.” Lowering his stare to map your skin with his eyes adding the marks he left behind to his memory. Fear returning now that you’ve heard how much of a monster he’s turning into.

“Did you shoot?” There’s no accusations or incrimination, voice softly seeking a way to help sooth the demons you saw when he first arrived.

Carefully pulling from your warm depths and embrace to sit on the edge of the couch face buried in his hands. Missing the whimper at loosing his touch. You grab for the blanket draped over the back to cover yourself in self consciousness. Moving carefully to sit up and lean against his shoulder. Fingers carding through his hair slowly while placing the other around his waist. Waiting till he’s ready to start speaking not wanting to push.

She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

Yes I need her in the daytime

Yes I need her in the night

Yes I want to throw my arms around her

Kiss her hug her kiss her hug her tight

Welcoming warmth enveloping his body that cleaves into you. Baritone rough with emotions, “No I couldn’t pull the tigger, didn’t want to shoot some kid who’s stupidly following the orders of a man who doesn’t care about him.”

“Listen to me Javi you’re not Escobar you’ll never have that narcissistic attitude.” Turning his face to look at you, brushing the stubble with your fingertips. “Yes you’ve done some questionable things for good reasons to take down this asshole who would gladly see all of Columbia burn just to get and keep what he wants.” Leaning in to brush your nose against his, “I couldn’t love a man who killed people for kicks Javier. That’s not what you do. You save people, protect them as best you can.”

Unworthiness filtering through his thoughts never expecting to find someone who loved him faults and all. Intertwining his fingers with the hand previously on his cheek bring the back to his lips to place a kiss. “I don’t deserve you hermosa,” swallowing harshly letting your hand go to stand. Unconcerned with his nakedness Javier stretches popping his back then looking down at you.

Worry etched in those beloved eyes that stare unblinkingly at the spot he just vacated. “Leaving now?” Biting off the words tears clouding your vision mistaking his declaration as rejection pulling the blanket tighter around your plush body.

Forefinger and thumb pinching the end of your soft chin raising your gaze to meet his, “Why would I leave when everything I want and love rests with you.”

“Javier?” Voice wobbling with unshed tears.

Pulling the blanket from your body taking in the curves and dips, the softness he’s itching to get his hands back on. But right now Javier brings the nearest hand to his lips, brushing the knuckles with his mouth mustache tickling your skin. Keeping your eyes locked as he tugs you up into his arms. “I’m serious Y/N I don’t deserve you but without you I’m a shell of a man,” bringing his free hand up to cup your cheek deep russet eyes burning with love staring into yours.

“What are you saying?” Fear coating the words, afraid it’s all a dream and you’ll wake without Javier beside you.

Drawing your mouth closer, strong arm wrapping around your thick waist, “I’m saying I love you Y/N and if you’ll have me I’m yours till you kick me out for driving you crazy.”

“You already do that Javi,” watery giggles escaping your lips that brush his twice. Reaching up to card fingers through the soft strands at the back of his head tugging just a little harder than normal. “Say it again.”

Grunting at the tugs sliding a hand down to cup a generous bare ass cheek to give a squeeze. “Drive you crazy.”

Just barely holding in the squeak, “No,” eyes rolling at his cheek. “You know what I mean Javier Peña.”

“I do,” slotting his mouth against yours stealing the breath from your lungs as he kisses you with a passion never felt before. Barely breaking to mumble those three simple words into your lips, “I love you.” Getting lost in your kiss while silently vowing to never let you go or break your heart.

And when I'm returning from so far away

She gives me some sweet lovin' brighten up my day

Yes it makes me righteous, yes it makes me feel whole

Yes it makes me mellow down in to my soul

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

Scars That Heal || Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader Series

• Ch. 11: Under Pressure •

TRIGGER WARNINGS: blatant homophobia from Nicklesmart The Beatboxing Jester™️ in disguise as someone you know, internalized homophobia throughout the whole chapter. As usual, will put a skip marker for the heavier scene before and after if you need/want to skip. It is not light, ngl 😔 [trigger words: f*iry + the f slur, each used on exactly one occasion, and (as an insult) queer. I'm so sorry, this was not easy for me either and please do not read this if any of this in any way bothers you, i won't be mad if you skip the chapter 💕]

A/N: Next chapter will be all fluff I promise 🥲, I'm so sorry, but I needed something that could solidify Richie and Y/n's friendship for good, and her helping him through his worst fear is the best way to do that and will be explored in other ways throughout the rest of the series, specifically in the sequel. all that aside, I missed you guys and this series so much!!

LGBTQ+ RESOURCES AND SELF HELP LINKS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CHAPTER

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- 𝗔𝗨𝗚𝗨𝗦𝗧 -

    Richie keeps his eyes trained on the dried mud on his navy blue slip-ons as he makes his way across town, his mind buzzing twice as fast as it normally did. He felt as if his entire body had been put through a blender; his skull still vibrating in his head turning his brain into jelly. His stomach empty and lurching as it twisted into knots far more impossible than what you'd see from a circus performer and his heartbeat could rival a hummingbird's. Not to mention he was walking with two extra legs he'd grow from time to time, another freaky affect the physical and mental toll these past few weeks had put on him and his eyesight. The caffeine he had been living on hadn't helped him one bit either he reckoned.

    Insomnia had become his best friend in the past few weeks, hence this last-minute trip to the old gravel pit just behind Derry Town dump. At least, this was the lie he told himself to pluck up enough courage to call Y/n up. Richie hoped she could talk him through it, give him some advice. He was never this nervous to talk to her and deep down in a corner he wished to bury forever - that small part of himself that begged to be free - knew exactly why. This small, repressed Richie Tozier that lived locked away in the center of his heart was calling the shots that day. Hell, he probably had been his whole life but he wasn't ready to admit that to himself yet, let alone his true attentions of seeking her help.

    All he knew is he was nervous as all hell, his palms were sweating, he couldn't stop fiddling with his glasses and he was sure one wrong move and he'd shit his pants. For fucks sake, he needed to shake this! He had already freaked Y/n out, that he knew. He could still hear her voice over the receiver. It was soaked in static and every 's', or 'c' sound she made felt like a pencil was being shoved into his eardrums cause of her shitty outdated telephone.

    "You," she had asked with a pause. "want to meet at... the dump?"

    "Yeah," he scoffed, scratching the same spot behind his ear for what had to be the billionth time out of nervous habit. "you got wax in your ears, L/n?"

    "Nope. Just, a little confused is all. You seem kinda... I don't know, squirrely," she said wearily, and through a sharp crackling hiss from the receiver he can make out a nervous chuckle on her end. "You sure nothin' jumped up your ass or anything?"

    He bit his lip. Hard. As if punishing himself for drawing her suspicions this early. What if she somehow caught on to what he was gonna talk to her about? Her walk to the gravel pit would surely give her enough time to get to that conclusion, and Richie wasn't daft. He knew he wasn't exactly subtle about... "insomnia". What with how many times he teased insomnia, called it that special nickname he knew it hated but secretly loved. That forbidden flutter in his chest when insomnia would laugh at his jokes, and the small but precious moments they shared from time to time when the others were late that would stay in his heart and mind for weeks to come. But it didn't matter now, as everyone knew; insomnia kept Y/n's company now.

    Thankfully his mouth was faster than his brain, and it fired a rapid response before a lull could form.

    "You bet your fur," he fires, his lanky arm had rested awkwardly against the wall beside the wall mount. "I am right as rain, toots."

    He of course hadn't seen it, but she had frowned at her phone. Her concern was growing with every word spoken from him.

    "Yeah," she snorts, throwing back a sarcastic remark. "Cause you sound it."

    She had eased a bit, growing soft and falling back into their usual banter. Their special dynamic always seemed to coax down his guard a bit.

    "You're talking like a 1950's gangster in a speakeasy," She straightened a little and had begun pacing as much as the phone cord would allow her. "Ya know... More than usual."

    Y/n smiled when she could practically hear the smirk taking over his face, and she certainly had no trouble picturing his hunched shoulders and intimidating snarl he was most likely dawning.

    "It's a little somethin' called moxie, kid," he spoke with curled his words, imitating all the gangsters he had seen in those cheesy old films. "somethin' you just don't have,"

    Y/n had rolled her eyes again, at least Richie could see her doing so when he heard her respond. "Right, right. My bad Baby Face."

    "Hey!" He barked, snapping his fingers and pointing at the floor as if she could see him. His voice lowered in a thick Chicago accent. "That's mista Baby Face to ya."

    "Mista Baby Face Nelson!" She strained, her annoyed shout tainted with a laugh. "Are we meeting at five or not?"

    Richie released a quick and silent breath, expelling as many nerves as possible.

    "You bet your fur."

    The exchange kept playing over and over in his mind and Richie wondered if the same rang true for Y/n. He hoped not, cause that would mean she was thinking about it too much. Hell, he was thinking about it too much now. A heavy sigh rolls off of his chest as every anxiety collectively manifests into its own dark thought.

    Fuck, he really had it bad.

    How pathetic he was.

    Eddie would surely be horrified to know what Richie really thought of him, that was for sure.

    And as if he hadn't felt crazy enough, the thoughts actually began to feel like voices calling him from the darkest shadows of his mind.

    'And the other Losers? You'll be lucky if they even look at you again.'

    Richie was surprised to find himself fighting back, pushing back as much as he could. Despite all the jokes and jabs, he couldn't be completely alone. A small part whispered in his heart that he wasn't, and he thought briefly of the turtle strangely enough but it was gone just as soon as it had come. All he knew was that whatever was telling him this thing was stubborn. But so was Richie Tozier.

    He treated it as an intrusive thought. Made a decision then and there that it was, never occurring to him what it could be if wasn't.

    No way. Not those assholes, he tells the voice. These are the Losers for fucks sake!

    The more he thought about it the more he was sure of it. God forbid Eddie did find out, which Richie had no intention of, and what would happen was in fact unclear. But no matter how he looked at it, he just couldn't picture the little spaghetti man ever cutting him out of his life completely. Not by choice at least.

    Now Ben, that lovable sappy haystack of his that was too passionate for his own good. Richie may not be the silent type but he does pick up on things, and Hanscom's affections for Beverly Marsh were far from subtle. Always opening doors for her and turning redder than a tomato when she smiled at him. Not to mention Richie was about ninety percent sure there was a poem of some sort involved. And that was just Beverly, Ben was always thinking of the Losers. Now Richie knew for sure that boy had no hateful bone in his body to the point it was fucking annoying.

    Mike, Richie felt, might be a little similar. The kid had a lot of heart, always going on about the animals on his farm. Would even go as far to say he considered them his friends, what with how much Richie knew about Mooriuel the calf and he hadn't even met her for cripes sake! Richie imagined he'd be a bit more shocked but would try some sappy speech when he came around. Would make a whole big thing of it, pat him on the back, and even invite a conversation. He scoffed at the thought, the image of Mike slapping him on the back and his signature grin... Yeah, he appreciated the hypothetical gesture but it wasn't Richie's style.

    He could easily see Big Bill sputtering up a storm, but managing a smile. He'd probably even manage to forget their differences long enough to say something stupid but supportive. And Beverly and Stan were the ones he worried about the least. Stan would probably be too indifferent to care, throw him some snarky ass comment like, "took ya long enough, dipshit," and Beverly? Well, Beverly had always been cool, very laid back. She never took shit, and she never dished it out if she didn't think it was deserved which Richie admired greatly. This was one of many reasons he was so shocked she had taken Bill's side in the fight.

    The thought brings him back down again, and as soon as the memory touches him so do the nerves in his jaw tensing up again where he had been hit. He could feel the punch all over again. And he suddenly remembers why he is here.

    He is here, he realized.

    Just around the bend, coming into view was the gravel pit. Old and crumbling it was, and overrun with weeds and bushes. One could easily scale in and out of it, and at the very bottom Rich had discovered one day was a beaten and tattered leather seat from a car that found its way from the junkyard just a ways over. This was where he told Y/n to meet him.

    Y/n...

    Jesus fuck, what would Y/n say? How would he tell her? Would she still wanna be friends with him? Would she laugh and crack a joke, not taking it seriously? Would she hate him for it? More importantly, why in the ever-loving fuck was he here and willing to tell her?

    His gangly legs tumble into a sprint as he picks up momentum descending the uneven terrain. The rubber soles of his shoes kicking up the layers of dirt and shaved gravel that lay beneath the rocks and he had to put effort into not crashing as he comes to a stop. He manages to avoid a nasty fall, completely ignorant to the fact that his right foot had been only inches away from a root peeking out from the rocks surely would have broken his neck had he made even one wrong move. He puffs out his chest, dusting himself off, and once again tries to dispel the nausea broiling in his stomach like hot tar.

    He closes his eyes tiredly as he drags his feet to the leather bench, letting his backside fall through the air and into the somewhat plush cushion with a deep groan. "Fuck."

    His fingers rub his tired eyes, his fingertips finding bits of crust he hadn't gotten earlier and his knuckles brush his glasses further up onto his forehead. Not quite knowing what to do with the overwhelming thoughts and emotions clouding him, his fingers dig further into his eye sockets until all he can see are inky splotches behind his eyes.

    Richie doesn't know why he would ever think those things of Y/n. He hadn't ever told her this, not directly at least, but she was just about the only person in the world he trusted most. He knew in his heart of hearts this was why he found himself dialing her number before he could even register what he was doing. Even after their separation and the bitter feelings they took with it, the Losers were and always would be his best friends in the world.

    So why did everything about this feel so wrong?

    From the moment the phone call ended, he felt like he was waltzing into a trap like some putz...

    "Well, look who it is..." snarled a voice from up above the surface.

    Richie's blood ran cold and it felt as if the remainder of the air in his lungs had been squeezed out like air in a deflating balloon. He whipped around at the voice, his head twisting up at the silhouetted figure so fast he was shocked he hadn't broken his own neck. The figure held their hands on their hips, thousands of the sun's rays spilling around them as they blocked out a part of the sun, an advantage they reaped from where they stood before Richie at just the right angle. His breath caught in his throat as he had recognized the voice immediately, but the figure didn't quite match the voice.

    The last thing person he needed to see right now was Henry fucking Bowers, that was for sure.

    The universe agreed so it would seem. The figure shifted, just out of the light revealing the teasing smirk of his best friend Y/n. Her hands snapped together, her palms forming a handgun, the barrel aiming right at Richie's forehead.

    "The jig is up," she snarled. "We knows it was you. You was the ones to steal from Big Bill's dame, and I wouldn't be surprised if yous was in cahoots, neithers."

    Despite the fear that had clutched his heart only seconds ago, a small chortle left Richie at how awful her accent was. Hadn't she learned anything from him? A smug smile overtook Y/n's face as he broke. She holstered her handguns and gracefully descended the pile of gravel. His smile expired not long after, and despite the thin veil of clouds creeping over the sun the light in the sky was much too hard to even glance at his friend without blinking back several painful searing tears from the harsh light. But he could still make her out.

    She was dressed in her usual ratty and eclectic garb; a mix of something far too big for her frame and something that seemed far too tight to be comfortable. Richie was certain she had never once owned even a thread of clothing that had always been hers. Her s/c brow had its usual, light glossy sheen of grease that Richie had learned very early on to not ask about. But there was something about her now, something he couldn't quite place.

    Though one question kept popping up in his mind. One that left an itch in his brain he couldn't quite scratch in his dazed state. And that was how could he have possibly thought she sounded like Henry Bowers?

    He finds himself looking down at the gravel now, wiping away as much of the sun's damage pooling in his eyes as he can. Unbeknownst to him, she watches him studiously, the ghost of her smile still on her lips as if she was enjoying his discomfort. His long and gangly limbs are folded awkwardly, still, onto the leather seat that sits on the ground. Finally, she takes a seat beside him with a huff as he had.

    As he rubs his tired eyes for a second time she takes a long look around, breaking the silence when her trip around the gravel pit lands on him.

    "Well, you've looked better." She quips, offering a smile.

    Richie snorts, pushing his slipping glasses up the bridge of his nose with a friendly smirk. "This comin' from Raggedy Ann?"

    They both breathe a small laugh and for a moment - just one beautiful, fleeting moment - Richie forgets he was ever scared. This is what he needed.

    "So," she says, pulling his gaze towards her, sending him a cocky smile as a knowing look sparkles behind her eyes. "I'm guessing there's a reason I'm here, and not helping you with your summer training?"

    Richie, for reasons unknown to him, feels his muscles tense up again involuntarily. Like a puppeteer suddenly yanking the strings, ripping his shoulders up to his ears and his muscles bracing. He felt rigid and he was, but he was doing all he could not to show it. All his unease came back in steady waves marching up the sand, but what could he do now? He could already feel her eyes burning holes into the side of his head as he kicked around a sizeable rock with the toe of his shoe, studying him. Waiting.

    Finally, his shoulders slumped in a shrug, lower lip in an indifferent pout as he looked around at the sky hanging above the gravel pit.

    "Just needed a change from all those ugly mugs, I guess," he manages a laugh, and he rises to his feet to lazily chase the rock that had rolled out of his reach.

    He can feel her eyes on him still, and he doesn't know what to make of it until finally she breaks her silence with a chuckle and rises to join him. She catches the rock with the heel of her dirtied sneakers. They're worn down to the very last thread and several shades off from the original color. She kicks the rock back to him, and they engage in a lazy game of rock soccer.

    "I can understand that," she says calmly, eyes trained on the rock as it tumbles across the gravel with several chunky clanks. "Reckon it'll be good for you, too,"

    He frowns confused without looking up at her, winding one lanky leg back before one big kick. "Whad'ya mean?"

    "Well, you don't wanna spend your whole summer inside of an arcade, do you?"

    Richie's face freezes in a frown, the rest of his body going rigid. His eyes cement on the rock underneath his shoe, willing away the veil of tears that threatened to fall. Had he not been so caught up on why he was here, Richie might have had a clear enough head to realize Y/n wasn't there for that conversation, nor had she heard about it from anyone there. Instead, all Rich can think about is the small hypochondriac boy that had stolen his heart.

    He can hear the conversation he had with his best friend, all those weeks ago when school let out. And if felt like a lifetime since he had seen that squishable, pouty little disgusted frown Eddie always put on that made Richie's inside melt. As if reading his mind, Y/n spoke.

    "This is about Eddie, isn't it?"

    Her tone is gentle but veiled. Something was concealed about the way she held herself, ever since she had arrived, something that Richie couldn't quite place. And there it was. He was right about her suspecting him, he must be. Richie battles the lump forming in his throat, and he can feel his ears turning pink under her unwavering and unblinking stare.

    Richie does all he can to fight a snarky response, not knowing how else to navigate and survive the intensity of his feelings. All he manages to do is nod.

[■■■■■■■■■■■■]

    "Rich, it's okay," she says, taking a step forward, his gaze is pulled to her eyes. And here it is, he thinks. The moment he had been dreading, the moment he hadn't even allowed himself to think about. "...I miss him, too."

    His face caught in another frown. That's definitely not what he expected her to say. Quickly as he could, he wiped away a spot of snot at his nose. He had managed to keep the tears at bay but now they had found another way out. He felt like a fucking fool, and he wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Of course she didn't know what he was talking about. Why would she - how would she? His spirits were crushed, and he suddenly didn't feel like getting into it now. She seemed off today, not that Richie cared. All he wanted was for this whole day to be over with, not even knowing the worst had yet to come.

    She studies his reaction, almost as if she had been waiting for this and she blinks for what Richie is now starting to realize must be the first time since she got here. Y/n's face screws into a frown, and yet there still lingered an uneasy smile that taunted him. Her eyes squint suspiciously at Richie, her head tilting in an expression he never knew he had always feared would come.

    She laughs finally, a shrill and grating laugh he hadn't quite heard before and she nudges him playfully. "Oh, come on! It's not like you've got some faggy crush on him or something?"

    When he doesn't answer, she scoffs, turning away and shaking her head in disbelief for a moment.

    Richie felt he just might vomit. Or cry. Or both. He had never felt so distraught, so dejected. So broken.

    How could she be saying these things?

    He tries with all his might to conjure a response, any fucking thing at all so he wasn't some blubbering broken chump breaking down in front of her. But for the first time in his life, Richie "loudmouth" Tozier was speechless.

    That fuck-awful grating laugh returns, a sour look screws up her face as she looks him up and down in disgust.

    "Wait, seriously?" She gapes with a scoff, making him feel about two inches tall. "You actually think he'd want to be with some fairy freak like you?"

    "F-f-uck off," he sputters, though he does not feel better.

    The trembling in his voice, the vulnerability, hearing it in himself strips any remaining scrap of confidence he had left. He's crying now and there's no hiding it. And she heard it in his voice, he knew that now as he looks at her. Her lips curl into a malicious smile and she takes another step closer, Richie fumbles a step back.

    "He isn't some," her nose crinkles as she continues to advance on him, the fire in her eyes building as he stumbles back to escape her sudden venom. "rotten queer like you."

    Y/n spits the words out like they were poison on her tongue, and this was true in every way. Her fiery stare never left Richie, it burned holes right through him as she advanced on him like a wolf on a wounded doe. They were nearing the edge of the gravel pit, and Richie had nearly run out of room when her finger stabbed his chest like a sword's final strike to the heart, pushing him to the ground as she spoke those poisonous words.

    Richie felt his backside meet several jagged rocks that brought even more tears to his eyes, though none of them hurt as much as her words. She towered over him now, the sun beating down on her back and pouring over her shoulders, trapping Richie in her shadow. She shakes her head, and he can still make out the pathetic look on her face as she glowers at him.

    "It's girls he likes. It's me he likes." she points to herself, shaking her head. "He was mine the second he saw me, but you?"

    She scoffs again, and her shadow releases him as she kneels to balance on her feet, legs folded before him with a snide look.

    "You've always been the insufferable loudmouth he couldn't get rid of." A sharp laugh escapes her, the clutch on his heart tightening to dangerous amounts he fears it will give out. "Well, I guess he doesn't have to worry about that now, huh?"

    His heart feels as if it has been ripped to shreds, the claws of the wolf had struck and now he was drowning in his own sorrows as pain as the heartbreak filled his lungs. Richie could no longer see behind the thick wall of glassy tears that blanketed his eyes, and the sounds of his own sobs amplified his embarrassment and despair. He was hopelessly broken, and he could feel himself crumble, each piece disappearing amongst the gravel underneath him until he couldn't be found. He blinked only once, but it was enough to send every tear racing down his cheek at once.

    Another malicious smile contorts her face, her e/c eyes burning darker until they looked almost a completely different shade. Her lips seemed to stretch on and on and on in a way only one thing could. And it was then that it occurred to him.

    Not one thing she had said to him is something he could have ever prepared himself for, each word constricting his heart and lungs and swelling his throat with the ever-growing lump.

    Nor was any of it something she would ever dream of saying, he knew this now.

[■■■■■■■■■■■■]

    This wasn't Y/n, this was never Y/n. She had never showed, and if he hadn't been so wrapped up in his own fucking head he would have caught on from the second "Y/n" arrived. Especially that entrance, Y/n surely would have fallen on her ass on her way down into the gravel pit never mind the fact her accent wouldn't be nearly as shit.

    But none of this mattered now. This thing that looked like his friend had him cornered, and It knew it.

    A wicked grin overtook the mask of Y/n's face that chilled Richie to his bones, and yet it also reassured him. Y/n was tough and could be scary from time to time, but he knew she could never be capable of the pure evil that now danced in It's eyes. Richie's body was already in motion, his arms and legs scrambling for any sort of grip that could take him up the side of the pit and to safety. But the gravel beneath him was always shifting, rolling out from underneath him when it wasn't raking his palms to pieces and all he was accomplishing was a small plume of dust that clung to his backside.

    Richie didn't know where it came from, but his actions were faster than his feelings as his fist collided with It's nose. And no sooner did the heel of his shoe collide in a painful crack that sent It's head back, did his eyes widen in horrific shock. The painful crack that would surely haunt him for many nights to come, had not been from the collision of his heel on It's nose but It's head - or Y/n's as this was still It's disguise - had snapped completely back and dangled completely off It's/her shoulders.

    The only thing connecting her head to her shoulders was the suit of s/c skin. Protruding from the center of her neck just under the skin was the end of her spine where it had disconnected, giving away a disturbing lack of muscles and veins in her neck as if it had been hollowed out like a pumpkin. Her head rolled back and forth limply, and Richie could feel bile climbing up his throat, ready to burst out his digested mac and cheese.

    His mind was screaming at his legs to run while all was still but a small part of him knew this was all a gambit, that it didn't matter if she was frozen stiff or not. Richie knew as soon as he booked it, It would spring to life with something even more twisted. That now, without his friends, he was as good as dead.

    And It was more than happy to prove Richie right.

    The clone of his friend sprang to life, It's head still rolling around on It's shoulders. Connected only by the skin of It's neck, and moving around like some fucked up slinky toy. Richie was already halfway up the gravel pit, bits of rock and dirt finding their way into his shoes as he kicked up the earth though that was the farthest thing from his mind.

    By the time Richie reached the top of the pit, he could no longer hear the thunderous boom of his heart attempting to break loose from his chest, which was saying an awful lot. His screams echoed out into the air only to be swallowed by the screams of other children and Richie didn't know how he knew this but he knew those were the screams of Betty Ripsom, Ed Corcoran... Georgie Denbrough. The bloodied screams of It's victims were drowning Richie as he ran for the junkyard, and he wondered if he might live to hear them stop.

    The screams were so fucking loud in his ears he could see them. Each of them a blinding, deafening, gut-wrenching, and blood-curdling scream that danced through the air like ribbons as they begged for their lives. Richie cried out and he couldn't even hear his own voice, but he didn't let this stop his legs from pumping as hard as they possibly could. He was nearly to the junkyard, surely he could use something to fend It off but he knew he was just buying time.

    He could taste the blood on his tongue from where his teeth bit into his cheek. In all his short life, Richie Tozier would not have guessed child-eating clown to be the way he'd kick the can. When ever the thought of death began troubling him, he always liked to picture something like a western. Him and his rightful enemy squaring off against good and evil, he'd shoot first and save the day but still sustain an injury and bleed out. But it'd be a hero's death. And that was something.

   But this... this was something born out of darker than evil and Richie was about to be pulled into the gravity well of this black hole and swallowed up. And he knew in his soul, the very pits of his stomach it would reach out with its shadowy arms and pull him into darkness.

    And it did.

    Richie had been rapidly approaching the edge of the junkyard without realizing and within an instant found himself on the ground, caved in on himself as he tumbled in the dirt and rocks accepting he was to join them soon enough. He closed his eyes and waited for death as a hand curled around his shoulder and pulled him around. Another jolt of shock shot through his entire body at the sudden contact, locking his jaw and paralyzing his entire body in fear as he was met with the new threat. He didn't dare open his eyes, and certainly not when he heard his best friend's voice again.

    "Richie! Richie?"

    It was her again, he realized. Y/n's real voice, the one that he heard on the telephone that was dripped in static. The one now dripped in fear.

   "Richie?!"

    When the boy opened his eyes, they were filled with terror and his sobs continued. A lense Y/n never thought she'd see Richie look at her through. Her heart broke in an instant when she realized he was afraid... of her. Instantly, she released him and let her backside fall back into the gravel. She watched through a thick wall of tears as he trembled, crying to himself, and never in all her life had she seen Richie Tozier so broken.

    It tore her apart.

    She didn't have to be a genius to realize what had happened here. Before she had even reached the junkyard on her bike she had heard his screams strangled through the wall of trees gating the area. When she had reached the gravel yard, she was happy to see him still in one piece but he was running for his life from an invisible force. The damn coward had gotten what It wanted and scared him shitless, but why would he disappear just because she showed? She had wondered.

    Now she was beginning to understand. It didn't need to be here to scare her. Just the sight of Richie in such a state was enough to tear her down and it took just about everything in her not to scream into the sky from a mix of fury and fear.

    Besides the tears that race down her cheeks and wet her legs, all Y/n could feel was a painfully numbing fear. Fear that Richie would never be the same. Fear that Richie would never speak to her again. Fear that Richie would never trust her again. Fear for whatever the fucking hell that thing did to Richie. Fear that It would do it again.

    All she felt now was fear for Richie.

    Y/n doesn't bother to fight the sob that breaks loose, her bottom lip quivers violently and her arms fall to the gravely pavement beneath her. As if her head had filled with lead, it grew heavy enough to fall into her chest where her chin landed, shaking several more tears loose.

    "I'm s-so sorry, Richie,"

    Y/n yearns to say more, but her body is physically weak from sadness and shame. Yet still, she repeats it in her mind hoping with everything in her it slips out of her mouth, or maybe if she thought them loud enough he'd hear them in his mind.

    I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry for whatever happened. I'm so goddamn sorry...

    "I'm sorry," she whimpers. "I promise..."

    I promise I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise I'm not gonna hate you. I promise I'm gonna be there for you, from now on. I promise.

    Her sniffles blend with his own, and Richie is unsure why this is the moment he knows for sure this is the real Y/n before him; maybe he was just too exhausted to think it through, perhaps it was the godawful sound she was making trying to keep herself from snotting as bad as he was but he knew It had gone. And the Y/n sitting beside him — crying with him, was the one he dialed up today. This was the Y/n he had been prepared to bare his soul to. His true self.

    So with one shaky hand — the other still tucked in close to his chest — Richie's left hand slid out from under him and across the gravel to Y/n's open palm. Her fingers were digging into the gravel, sharp edges of the rock digging into her skin as if to assure herself she was really real. Suddenly, she felt Richie's shaky palm slide underneath hers, carefully taking it.

    Y/n picked her glassy stare up from the ground to look at their intertwined hands, and she melted a little. Several of those fears — not all of them, but some — were ebbed away and she looked to Richie. He was still curled up in the dirt, his eyes closed and silent tears streaking his dirt-covered face. Each tear paved a path of clean skin, washing the dirt away in wild streaks where ever each tear had fallen. Several large and swollen beads of tears collected at his chin where they dangled, threatening to fall.

    She gave his hand a squeeze, letting him know she was there for him as she had promised him. And she was ready to sit with him for as long as he needed.

    For hours that feel only like minutes, they sit together in tear-filled silence, clinging to one another's presence and the knowledge that they are now all they have left.

    And there was no way they were letting go.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Here are some LGBTQ+ resources for mental health and self help if you feel you need them:

How do I find LGBTQ friendly therapy?

An article on safe ways to find the best sources of help that are right for you

The Trevor Project

Self Care Tips for Trans and Non Binary Folks

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[navegandoaciegas]

I love my baby to death

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Warnings: fluff, friends to lovers, tiniest bit of angst but really tiny I promise, 3.5k words, set after Endgame

Summary:  “Say, hypothetically, there’s a 100 year old fossil who’s a bit confused most of the time but he’s got the spirit, right?, and he’s outside with a packed duffle bag, what would you do?”

You were supposed to enjoy a solo roadtrip after years of Avenging, but Bucky invites himself along and you can’t say no to his happy face.

A/N: I haven’t slept in a week because of nightmares and I just needed something to cheer me up, I guess. Reader took Steve’s side in CA:CW and spent two years with him as a nomad. You can choose to see her and Natasha as a platonic relationship or a romantic one, it’s up to you.

masterlist

Read the sequel to this here

“They’re just so fuckin’ gross I don’t understand how you can eat them.”

Bucky sends you his best death glare as he continues digging in his soggy cardboard In-N-Out fries.

“We could have literally stopped by Arby’s three miles west of here” you continue, “they have the best fries. We’re missing out, clearly.” you deadpan eyeing his food skeptically. 

“The curly ones? God no, they’re so spicy. I don’t know why you like your food to hurt but I don’t.”

“Okay, first of all they’re not spicy at all, I don’t know where you got that from. And second, they have a taste at least, unlike these.” You reiterate your point by swinging one the fries in his face. Bucky just grabs your hand and bites the fry, almost biting your fingers off too.

“Yeah, like that god-awful spicy chicken you forced on me the other day? No thank you, ma’am, I’ll stand by my own food choices.” 

You snort. “Not my fault your post-Depression ass can’t handle anything other than salt and black pepper. But sure, go ‘head and enjoy your sorry excuse of a meal, Buck.”

“People from your generation sure love complaining, huh? Back in my days you ate what your mama made you and never bitched about it, or else you went to bed hungry.” 

God, he’s such a grampa. You make a show of rolling your eyes and huffing in annoyance. He likes his senior citizen card a bit too much. He tries to stifle a laugh when he sees the look on your face and just shakes his head at you. 

California (and Bucky Barnes) has stolen your heart and you’ve loved this road trip so much you often wonder why it took you being snapped and facing the end of the world twice to retire from the avenging business. 

Fresno is interesting, to say the least. 

He wanted to stop by, saying something about wanting to see “an old pal from the war” ’s hometown for himself, and you’ve been dreaming about exploring Yosemite for as long as you can remember.

-

Online pictures of Yosemite National Park were stunning but the real thing is just breathtaking. 

You never thought camping would become your thing and you never imagined you’d enjoy stargazing so much. In five months you’ve discovered how big of a nerd Bucky really is and he’s been trying to teach you the names of all the stars and constellations. 

He sees Big Dipper, Orion, Ursa Major and Minor; you see pretty twinkling lights and the occasional shooting star. Nevertheless you sit through hours and hours of explanations, because when he speaks of the things he’s passionate about, Bucky is the most beautiful thing in the world.

“You know, the stars are one of the things I missed the most.” he says softy, furrowing his brows as he does when he remembers something from the past. “Stevie and I used to do that as kids sometimes. We’d sneak out of our houses and go on the roof of this abandoned building to watch the stars. Now there’s so much goddamn light everywhere, you can’t even see them anymore.”

Sometimes when you stop and think about it, really think, you can’t imagine how hard it must have been for them, having everything, even the night sky taken away from them. 

“Steve never told me.” 

“He probably missed the stars too.”

You eye him looking for clues on how he might feel, but you only see a sad smile on his face. “You miss him, don’t you?”

“Every damn day.” his voice cracks and you hold him closer.

“I know Buck, I miss him too. I miss him so much that sometimes I feel like my life has no direction without my Captain.” You’re barely holding back your own tears at this point, “But we’ve got Sam if we need orders, yes?” but you still try to make him smile. You’re always going to try for him.

Your attempt works and he snorts. Always bring Sam up to cheer Bucky.

“I hope he was happy, you know.” he says, “I hope he made the right choice and never regretted a thing. I hope that now he looks back and thinks he wouldn’t have had it any other way. His happiness is all I could ever ask for.”

You cling to each other that night and cry until the early morning. It feels good to let it all out, to let Steve go and look at the future. You’ve lost too much but tonight you only have hope.

-----

New York

Five months before

“Words on the street is you’re retiring your crusty old ass from the field.” 

Sam is leaning on the door of your hotel room with his arms folded and a pleased look on his face.

“Rumors travel fast in this post-apocalyptic word, I see.” you say as you continue stuffing a duffle bag with all the clothes you have left.

“How are you?” Sam asks, with his newly found Captain voice. You wonder if it’s something in that damn shield that gives them that stern commanding tone.

“Tryina analize me, Sammy? I’m not one of your guys at the VA.”

It’s not like you’re pissed at Sam, you love him with all your heart, you’re just angry at the world and Sam’s the one standing in your way right now.

You hear him sigh, “I know what you’re feeling right now, I understand why you would think that-” “Don’t” you interrupt him, “Don’t give me that speech, Fury did that for you already. I’m not running away from my problems.”

“I’m not saying that-” you really don’t want him to talk today, so you stop him again “No but you’re thinking it.”

“I know what it’s like.” he says raising his voice “To lose who you care the most in the world. We all lost someone important but you lost Natasha and I know, trust me I know what you feel right now, because it’s what I felt when I lost Riley.” 

You stop and swallow the tight lump in your throat.

Your eyes well up with tears as you turn to look at him. You’ve been so blinded by your own pain and anger you didn’t stop for a moment to think about others. “I’m sorry Sam, I shouldn’t have treated you like that.” you say sobbing.

Why did she have to leave you?

Stupid, stupid Natasha. Why did she have to sacrifice herself for the world?

Why her?

He hugs you tight and rocks you back and forth. “I understand why you’re leaving and I’m not here to stop you, I promise. Just keep in touch, yes? Text me everyday so I’m not tempted to track you down and fly wherever you are to see if you’re good.”

You smile for the first time in a long time.

“Don’t worry Sam, you’ll get tired of all the selfies I’ll send you, eventually.” 

“You know I’ll never get tired of this pretty face.” he says raising his eyebrows suggestively, making you laugh. “Good, that’s my girl. I missed this laugh so much.”

You stay in his arms a while longer until it’s time for you to leave.

“This is not the only reason I’m here.” he says and clears his throat, “Say, hypothetically, there’s a 100 year old fossil who’s a bit confused most of the time but he’s got the spirit, right?, and he’s outside with a packed duffle bag, what would you do?”

“What?” you manage to stammer out. “Bucky just... wants to...tag along?” 

You are now as confused as Bucky is most of the time.

Sam shrugs. “I guess? You know he’s weird like that.”

What he really means is he’s just like you, lost and confused and in desperate need to live a little, but he doesn’t say it out loud. There’s no need to.

“So, would you mind if he came too?”

You see Bucky standing outside, leaning on your SUV. He’s cut his hair short and he looks hotter than you would like to. He turns around and waves at you with a big smile on his face. Like Sam often says, you too like his energy.

“No, I wouldn’t mind at all.”

----

Denver, Colorado

It’s a long way from New York to Colorado and if you’re honest, you’ve loved every minute of it and you’re glad Bucky came along with you. He’s witty, laid back, snarky, smart and overall a fun guy for someone who was a prisoner to nazis for 70 years.

“Look all I’m saying is I think Edward is a fuckin’ creep. Would you like it if someone stood in your room and looked at you while you sleep?”

“But is that someone a hot vampire, Bucky?”

“It literally doesn’t even matter.”

“Stop saying literally Buck, you’re a 100 year old man, not a valley girl.”

-

“Are we there yet?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Lemme check a map.”

“Bucky it’s on the screen there, Google says we have 20 minutes left.”

“But can we trust this Google guy?”

-

“All I’m saying is if you made and enjoyed congealed salads you probably don’t deserve your right to vote for the future of this country.”

“I mean...fair enough?”

-

“Do we count blipped years or not?”

“At this point it, it barely makes a difference in my case, doll.”

“Honestly you’ve got a point, old man.”

-

“How are you so calm right now?”

“My standards are so low it’s practically impossible to piss me off.”

“But you aren’t even a little bothered?”

“Chill, it’s just a flat tire, it’s gonna take 10 minutes to fix.”

“Buck we talked about the things that are unacceptable. ‘Chill’ coming out of your mouth is one of those.”

It’s your second week in Denver already, and you’re having the time of your life. 

Bucky is spooning you like he usually does. You think back to the first time you’ve shared a bed and you almost giggle at the memory. 

“Uh, Buck?”

“Yes?”

“We might have a problem.”

He enters the room after you and his eyes widen when he sees it.

There’s a bed in the room.

A single bed.

You weren’t expecting much from this place that gives you ‘Bates Motel’ vibes, but you thought you’d have two beds, or at least a couch.

“I’ll just sleep on the floor, don’t worry about it.”

“What?” you shriek “Absolutely not, I’m not letting you suffer all night. We’re going to share.”

“But I-”

“No buts, you know how many times I slept with Steve? I’m used to you supersoldier men by now, I’m no longer affected by your kicks.”

He stays silent. “You and Steve used to…?”

Only then you realize you could have phrased it better.

“God no, I meant just, ya know, share bed.”

He smiles and nods. Why does he look relieved?

Now he clings to you every night, and most times he’s the little spoon because he likes to be held. You used to hate sleeping tangled with someone else until you woke up on top of Bucky, his hands caressing your back, and he told you he had the best night of sleep he’s had in decades.

There’s a lot of things you do just because they make him happy, actually.

But how could you not?

There’s no point in denying your feelings.

----

Salt Lake City, Utah

God, you love Utah.

You drive through immense stretches of red desert whilst Bucky blasts Nicki Minaj like his life depends on it; that’s how it always ends up when he rides shotgun.

He insisted on visiting Monument Valley despite it being out of your way, but you can never find it in yourself to refuse him anything, so you drove 9 hours straight from Denver to the southern border of Utah just so he could see a place that looks a lot like the ones in those Western cowboy movies from the 50s and 60s he loves so much.

“Yasha would have hated it here so much.” you say as you pull over the Airbnb you’ve rented for a couple of days in Salt Lake City.

He snorts, “Yeah, I bet she would have.”

You thought time would heal all wounds and that someday you might stop feeling the void in your life when you think of her, but now you know you’ll never stop hurting. She was such a big part of your life for so long that your heart will never stop aching for her. 

Sometimes you think how she never got to see you again after you were snapped. 

You wonder if she ever stopped missing you.

You know you’ll never not miss her.

-

You’ve driven for more than humanly possible in two days, but he’s a supersoldier and you’re really stubborn, and now you can’t wait to sleep in a nice bed for the first time in a long while. Usually you just make do with motels, but tonight you wanted to treat yourselves.

You enter the place and notice immediately the two queen size beds. 

You should be relieved, and if it was 4 months ago when you first shared a bed you would probably be, but now you’re so used to his warm body next to yours, his flesh arm over you and his face resting in the crook of your neck that you don’t know if you’ll ever be able to fall asleep without him.

“I’ll go shower first if you don’t mind.” you say as you mentally berate yourself for your thoughts. 

Your goal to not fall in love with Bucky Barnes flew out the window somewhere in the green fields of Western Iowa, but at this point you’re just treading a dangerous path and you know you’re going to get hurt.

There’s no way Bucky feels the same about you, right?

You get out the shower, put on a t-shirt you’ve stolen from Steve ages ago and get out of the bathroom, only to stop when you see Bucky on the bed you claimed as yours.

“Sorry, I hope you don’t mind but I feel better when I sleep with you.”

Maybe he does.

----

Nevada

Technically it takes roughly 43 hours to get from New York to Sacramento by car. It took you almost five months.

You’ve been covering Interstate 80, stopping and visiting towns, cities and parks along the way as you pleased, sleeping in seedy motels, your SUV or that fancy ass tent Bucky bought somewhere in Ohio. You’ve begged Bucky to drive from Salt Lake City straight to Sacramento, stopping only when it’s absolutely necessary; you’ll be visiting Nevada after California anyways, so for now you’re just enjoying the scenic drive, with the windows rolled down and the air messing up your hair.

“What’s that song called?” Bucky asks and raises the radio’s volume.

“That’s Dani California by Red Hot Chili Peppers.” you answer absentmindedly, distracted by the seemingly endless stretch of black asphalt and yellowish nothingness around it.

She’s lover, baby and a fighter

Shoulda seen it coming when I got a little brighter

Bucky sings along and smiles glancing your way.

“I like this.” he exclaims when the song ends “Can we listen to it again, please?”

You smile softly and play it again. If there’s one thing Bucky is capable of is listening to the same song on repeat multiple times until you’re so sick of it you don’t ever want to hear it again.

 Who knew the other side of you

Who knew what others died to prove

You never thought Bucky would be like this, or that you’d be privileged enought to see this side of him.

There’s a big smile on his face and the orange hues of the sky reflect in his clear eyes. He’s got one hand on the steering wheel and the vibranium one resting on the car’s door and he looks so different from the man haunted by his past and loneliness you met in Budapest all those years ago. He looks so carefree and relaxed now, so happy. 

You are proud of him.

California rest in peace

Simultaneous release

California show your teeth

She’s my priestess and I’m your priest

I love my baby to death

------

San Diego, California 

You’ve hiked the hills of southern Cali and gone parapending in Torrey Pines. You landed on a breathtaking beach with beautiful dark sand and soon found out, much to Bucky’s dismay and utter disgust, that it was a nudist beach.

He grumbled something about ‘hygiene’ and ‘decor’ and you just laughed at his flustered state.

“First time seeing a naked woman, old man?” you asked in between fits of laughter.

You didn’t notice the sea lion swimming next to you in La Jolla and not even Thanos’ creepy gang could have scared you as much when you turned around and looked him dead in the eyes. Bucky got his revenge filming you as you shot out the ocean with a shrill, covered in algae and terrified. 

You are loving the San Diego area so far. Minus the sea lions.

“Hey I- uh- do you mind if I take the car? I wanted to go do some shopping.” Bucky tells you.

He’s really embarrassed for some reason.

You shrug and mumble a ‘sure’ before going back to basking in the sun by the pool of the hotel you’re staying at.

“Okay, I-I guess I’ll g-go then, I’ll come pick you up at 5.30 for dinner.” he stutters out.

Weird, you think, but you don’t give it too much thought. Bucky is like that.

-

Dinner time rolls around and as promised Bucky comes pick you up on time.

You’re wearing a short green dress with white daisies printed on it and a pair of strappy white sandals. You look good and you know it; Bucky knows it too, judging from the glances he tries to sneak your way.

“So, uhm-” he clears his voice, “I know it’s going to sound weird but I promise it’s not. Can I- Can I blindfold you?”

Can he...what? You could split me in half and I’d be glad about it, you’d like to say.

“Kinky. You could at least buy me differ first, tho.” you settle for something safer instead.

He blushes three shades darker than his usual color and you take the black scarf he’s handing you, barely concealing a teasing smile.

He drives around for a while. When you get to your destination the first thing you hear is the waves beating on the shore and the smell of the ocean. He helps you get out and guides you somewhere.

“Wait here.” 

You hear him park the car in reverse, open the trunk and fiddle with something. He comes up behind you and removes the blindfold. You feel his hot breath on your neck and it sends tingles down your spine straight to your pu- “You can look now.”

When you open your eyes you are stunned for a moment. You turn around with a big smile that turns even bigger when you notice the blankets and the little picnic he’s assembled in the trunk.

“Buck, this is- I can’t believe you remembered.”

Somewhere in Colorado you mentioned how romantic you thought Sunset Cliffs were, and how much you wished you could do something like this. It was a fleeting moment, a thought uttered out loud absentmindedly over a couple of drinks in some bar. You were tipsy and you were running your mouth about all the things you’d want in a partner to some random girl who became your best friends for the night.

You realize you’re tearing up when his fingers grace your cheeks.

It feels nice to be cared about so much. It’s been too long since someone took such good care of you.

“I thought I’d do something special for you.” he says with an adorable blush.

“Thank you Bucky, I love this.” you hug him tightly and bury your face in his chest, inhaling his scent.

“Anything for my girl.”

“When did I become your girl, huh?” you ask teasingly.

“Probably when I invited myself on this trip.”

You both laugh at that.

You swallow hard when you see the look on his face. God, how did you miss the signs? You were always a better sniper than a spy, Yasha always told you.

Your heart is beating out of your chest in anticipation as he leans down slowly and your lips brush lightly. His hands are on your waist and yours on his broad shoulders. He kisses you timidly at first, and more passionately as he gains confidence. 

“I wanted to do this since Bucharest.” he confesses after your lips part.

“Took you long enough, Sarge.”

But it was worth the wait.

-

Tonight’s sunset will be burned in the back of your mind permanently. 

You kiss and laugh some more, and feed eachother seedless grapes because they’re the only ones you eat. He’s brought strawberries, white wine because you don’t drink red, hummus and pita and an assortment of cheese and crackers.

You kiss and talk, cuddle, laugh and kiss some more all night.

You’ve accepted long ago that you’ll never fill the gaping hole in your lives, but that night when you make love to eachother the void in your hearts that Steve and Natasha left behind doesn’t seem as encompassing as it usually is.

---

Thank you for reading! If you liked it, please reblog and comment, feedback is always appreciated 🥺🤲 might fuck around and write Bucky’s POV too.

[davidmann95]

How about those JL storyboards?

In case you haven’t heard, Zack Snyder is putting on display the ‘storyboards’ - i.e. a rough plot summary accompanied by some Jim Lee sketches - for what would have been Justice League 2 and 3, or as this puts it 2 and ‘2A’. You can see them here (I imagine better-quality versions will soon be released), and read a transcript here. This is evidently a very early version: this was apparently pitched prior to the release of BvS and Justice League being rewritten in the wake of it, with numerous plot details that now don’t line up with what we know about the Snyder Cut, plus it outright mentions it builds on the originally planned versions of the Batman and Flash movies. But it’s a broad outline of what was gonna go down, and while I initially thought it was Snyder throwing in the towel, the timing - paired with the ambiguity left by the necessity for changes, including that this doesn’t factor whatever that “massive cliffhanger” at the end of the Cut is - says to me he’s hoping this’ll be a force multiplier behind efforts to will sequel/s into existence. He’s probably right.

I’ll be discussing spoilers below, but in short: with this Zack Snyder has finally lived up to Alan Moore, in that like Twilight of the Superheroes I wouldn’t believe this was real as opposed to a shockingly on-point parody if not for direct, irrefutable evidence.

Doing some rapid-fire bullet points for this baby to kick us off:

* Folks who know the subject say a lot of this is a yet further continuation of Snyder doing Arthuriana fanfic with the League reskinned over those major players, and I’ll take their word for it.

* I don’t know whether I love or hate that in Justice League 2 the Justice League are only an extant thing for the first scene, and then it’s Snyder giving everybody their own mini-movies. It’s compressing the entire MCU “loosely interconnected solo stories leading to a single big movie later” strategy into a single movie!

*  Funniest line in the whole thing: "Even Lantern has heard of the Kryptonian, worried that he's under the control of Darkseid. He heard his spirit was unbreakable." Hal what fuckin' Superman movie did YOU watch? Second funniest being “IT WILL GIVE HIM POWER OVER ALL LIVING LIFE”

* 90% of the plot I have nothing to say about, it’s generic stage-setting crap. That to be clear is the ‘shocked it’s Snyder’ element, it feels so crassly commercial in a way I can’t believe is coming from the BvS guy.

* Most of what I have to say is unsurprisingly gonna be about a handful of characters but Cyborg’s happy ending being “he isn’t visibly disabled anymore!” is not great!

* The Goddess of War battle with Superman...never pays off? No clue why it’s there.

* What I’d originally heard was that the Codex in Superman’s blood was the last key to the Anti-Life Equation and that’s why Darkseid was coming to Earth. It’s not like all of this wouldn’t have already been averted by Kal-El’s pod smacking into an asteroid on the way to Earth so it’s not as if this makes it any more Superman’s fault, and it would have at least tied all this back to the beginning of the movies, but I suppose that was either fake or from a later draft.

* I have NO idea how this was reimagined without the ‘love triangle’, it’s the central character thing and the entire climax flows directly out of it!

* Darkseid’s kinda a chump in this, huh

Anonymous said: So: Does Zack Snyder hate Superman?

Look: the hilarity of this when Cuck Kent has been a go-to Snyder cult insult towards ‘inferior’ takes on Superman for years cannot be understated, yet at the same time I can almost wrap my brain around where Snyder’s coming from with that as the end for his take on the character. He talked in that Variety piece on how his interest in Superman is informed by having adopted children himself, and Deborah Snyder is the stepmother to his kids by previous relationships, so I can see where he’d be coming from, and I can even imagine how he’d see this as ‘rhyming’ in the sense of “the series begins with Kal-El being adopted by Earth, it ends with him adopting a child of Earth!” In the same way as MARTHA, I can envision how he would put these pieces together in his head thematically without registering or caring what the end result would actually look like. In this case, Superman raising the kid of the man who beat the shit out of him who Batman had with Clark’s wife, who earlier told Bruce she was staying with Clark because he ‘needed her’, suggesting if inadvertently that this really honest to god was a “she’s only staying with Superman out of pity, she really loved Batman more” thing.

But Clark is nothing in this. He’s sad and existential because of coming back from the dead I guess, then he’s corrupted, then time’s undone and he woo-rah rallies the collective armies of the world (interesting angle for the ‘anti-military/anti-establishment’ Superman he’s talked up as) as his big heroic moment in the finale, and then he stops being sad because he’s adopting a kid. So his big much-ballyhooed, extremely necessary five-movie character arc towards truly becoming Superman was:

Sad weird kid -> sad weird kid learns he’s an alien, is still weird and sad, maybe he shouldn’t save people because things could go really wrong? -> his dad is so convinced it could go wrong he lets himself die -> ????? -> Clark is saving people anyway -> learns his origin, gets an inspiring speech about being a bridge between worlds and a costume -> becomes superman (not Superman, that’s later) to save the world, albeit a very property-damagey version, rejects his heritage he just learned about and space dad’s bridge idea -> folks hate him being superman and that sucks though at least he’s got a girlfriend now -> things go so wrong he considers not being superman but his ghost dad reminds him shit always goes wrong so he should be good anyway, which sorta feels like it contradicts his previous advice -> immediate renewed goodness is out the window as he’s blackmailed into having to try and kill a dude but the dude happens to coincidentally have some things in common so they don’t kill each other after all -> big monster now but superman keeps supermaning at it because he loves his girlfriend and he dies -> he’s brought back, wears black which apparently means now he likes Krypton again? -> he has work friends now but he’s still sad because he was dead -> evil now! -> wait nevermind time travel -> rallies the troops -> his wife’s having a kid so he’s not sad anymore -> Superman! Who gives way to more Batman.

Do I think Zack Snyder is lying when he says he likes Superman? No. I think he sincerely finds much of the basic conceits and imagery engaging. But I don’t think he meaningfully gives shit about Clark as a character, just a vessel for Big Iconic Beats he wants to hit. Whereas while for instance he’s critical of Batman as an idea (at least up to a point), he’s much more passionately, directly enamored with him as a presence and personality. So while Superman may be the character whose ostensible myth cycle or arc or however it’s spun might be propelling a lot of events here, it’s a distant appreciation - of course the other guy takes over and subsumes him into his own narrative. Of course Batman is the savior, the past and the future (though if he’s supposed to be Batman’s kid raised by Superman there’s no excuse for him not to be Nightwing), the tragic martyr to our potential. Admittedly the implication here is also that Batman can apparently only REALLY with his whole heart be willing to sacrifice his life to save an innocent, for that matter apparently his great love, once said innocent is a receptacle for his Bat-brood, but he and Clark are both already irredeemable pieces of shit by the end of BvS so it’s not like this even registers by comparison.

Anonymous said: That “plan” Snyder had was utter dogshit. Picture proof that DC & WB hate Superman. Also I love how you’re like Jor-El: Every single idealistic take you had about Snyder, his fandom, and BvS was wrong. Snyder’s an edgy hack, his fanbase just wants to jerk off to their edgy self-insert Batgod as he screams FUCK while mowing people down with machine guns, and the idea that BvS said Superman was better than Bats was completely wrong. You know what comes next SuperMann: Either you die or I do.

In the final analysis, beyond that mother of god is there sure no conceivable excuse for the treatment of Lois in this? The temptation is to join that anon and say as I originally tweeted that these were “built entirely to disabuse every single redemptive reading of the previous work and any notion of these movies as nuanced, artistic, self-reflective, or meaningful”.

...

...

...yeah, okay, that’s mostly right. Zack Snyder’s vision really was the vision of an edgelord idiot with bad ideas who was never going to build up to anything that would reframe it all as a sensible whole. He’s a sincere edgelord genuinely trying really hard with his bad ideas who put some of them together quite cleverly! But they’re fucking bad and the endgame was never anything more than ramping up into smashing the action figures together as big as he could, the political overtones and moral sketchiness of BvS while trying to say something in that movie reverberated through the grand scheme of his pentalogy in no way beyond giving his boys a big sad pit to rise out of so when they kicked ass later it’d rule harder, and all the gods among men questions and horror and trappings were only that: trappings. Apparently he’s really pleasant and well-meaning in person, but at his core his art as embodied in a couple weeks in his 4-hour R-rated Justice League movie meant to be seen in black-and-white all comes down to that time he yelled at someone on Twitter that he couldn’t appreciate Snyder’s work because it’s for grown-ups. He made half-clever, occasionally exciting shit cape movies for a bunch of corny pseudo-intellectual douchebags, folks latching onto and justifying blockbusters that at least acknowledge how horrifying the world is right now even if the superheroes are basically useless in the face of it if not outright part of the problem until a convenient alien invasion shows up to justify them, and a handful of non-asshole smart people who vibe with it but...well. ‘Suckered’ is a harsh word, and definitely doesn’t apply to all of them re: what they’ve gotten out of it up to this point and would (somehow) get out of this. But it doesn’t apply to none of them, either.

[newsies-and-the-nutcracker]

Newsies but it’s French (Canadian) pt.2

(aka me just getting increasingly frustrated the longer it goes on until I’ve completely lost whatever bits of sanity I had left lol)

~ king of new york scene ~

“We’re in the papes??” “You’re in the papes.” why do I find this so funny help-

“For the good of Jack, we can stop complaining...” not the whole thing but that sounds so out of character for Race I can’t-

After a quick google search, I can confirm that Race says “The world is at our boots.”

The newsies are very confused

Apparently he was meant to say feet.

“I’m talking about our feet!”

…

hOW IN THE WORLD IS THAT EVEN CLOSE TO ‘THE WOILD IS YA ERSTER’-

Okay I’m done

“My own face on a piece of wood!” good for you ig

“I’m respectful. I’m looking at you.” please-

“I am pretty, am I not?” yes race you’re very pretty

“My own bed and an indoor toilet!” wait… does that mean you literally have a toilet outside?? In the open???

“Nothing more normal for a famous journalist!” Irdk how I’m supposed to process this-

“Leave, idiot! It’s her, the king of New York!” guys is this actually what he says in English?? Race why are you so m e a n

“Some…” *checks notes* “depressive defeatists” ?? I just want to know how you got that from “Buncha wet noodles”-

“We were on the verge of drowning ourselves in alcohol.” WHY AM I ONLY NOW FIGURING OUT WHAT SOME OF THESE LINES MEAN AS I’M WATCHING IT IN F R E N C H ???

They cut out a lot of the background comments during the dance break and now I’m sad

After Katherine’s little dance: “It’s a joke, I hope.” wow

“You’ll see what the Delancey’s do in their pants!” that sounds so wrong I-

“Friends can leave, let them be!” I don’t think that’s what they were trying to say but okay

~ letter from the refuge scene ~

“There’s guards here, they’re mean.” WOW JUST TEAR MY HEART OUT WHY DONTCHA-

“If they tell us to jump, we obey, if not we’re screwed.” ow

“The rooftop misses me.” I give up.

“It’ll go. I’m in shape.”

“End.” the only time they decide not the put ‘the’ unnecessarily in front of something-

“Good, that’s enough.” how rude

yeah that’s all for that song. I hope you guys weren’t actually expecting me to find much humour in that one

~ watch what happens reprise scene ~

“You are a love.” ??

Guys where I live if you say “tant mieux pour vous.” it means “Too bad for you” and that’s literally what Jack just told Davey-

“Stop. I understand. It’s useless.” eh close enough

“Good blood, where do you have to go to avoid you guys?”

“It’s impossible. We are inevitable.” since when did Davey actually become Thanos?

“And this here girl, Sally, she’s great.” :(

“We say that you wrote a good article.” “You seem horrible.” they’re much more salty in this version-

“Yes, it’s true. And, he is dead.” uhh guess who’s not going to Santa Fe-

“We can forget that and go back to work?” the person who wrote this had a real passion for butchering Les’ lines lol

“Be positive. No one is dead.” mmmmmmmmmmm-

“Is that what you’re hoping for??” MMMMMMMMMMMMMM-

“There’s no question of cents, Jack!” yk what? sure. i don’t even care at this point-

“We’ll do what?” he sounds like he doesn’t even want to win.

“We’re already winning.” “Agreed.” ABORT ABORT THIS ISN’T WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO S A Y JACK-

“And ‘voila’ why I think that Joe is an idiot. It’s a rattlesnake.” “... Yes.” you heard it right here, guys. if it’s a rattlesnek, it’s an idiot

“And you know why a snake whistles?” WHAT

“He is scared.”

“Go see, the poor of the head that’s spinning.” This is shredding whatever bits of sanity I had left-

“Why send the brutes?” idk why Davey

“You have maybe reason!” “Thank you!”

“And I have an appointment!”

no but when you say you have a ‘rendez-vous’ here where I live, it means you have like a doctors appointment or something lol

~ the bottom line reprise scene ~

“After his release, I surprised him myself!”

“If that’s the case, we’re going to bring him in... in softness.” nice of them

“... or the little thief?” I’m really starting to think that they lack like 99% of words in the French language-

“I was fighting in a war.” “And that turned out well for you?” get wrecked joe

“Rally as much as you want, no journal in town will talk about it.” guys I don’t have enough serotonin for this-

“Everyone here knows you’re horrible!” they made Jack sound like a little kid in the translation, and honestly I’m not even disappointed lol

“We’re missing time, little.” I don’t even know what to say-

“Your abject surrender was always the bottom of the problem.” sure why not

“Gentlemen, escort our guest to the cave-” well isn’t he nice?

“Be happy you’re alive, little. That’s the essential.”

“Yeah, so go!” ?? how is that even remotely close to “Yeah, so behave!” ??????

“I exercised my favourite American punch!” uhhhh good for you?

“You can sleep here, on this old press! It’s very firm.” help I’ve fallen and I can’t get up-

~ brooklyn’s here scene ~

“The sellers need our help! The sellers need our help! Tell them that Brooklyn’s arriving! Tell them that Brooklyn’s arriving!”

“We’re from Brooklyn, we’re the sellers from Brooklyn!” UHHHHH EXCUSE ME???

“We just learned that our friends are going wrong!” please you heard they were ‘going wrong’ like five days ago-

“You know we’re there for you, since always.” oH rEaLlY???

“Brooklyn is there!”

“Strikes aren’t nice, but they’re passionate!” well I’m glad you think so

“Let’s shout it, Brooklyn is there!”

“Aaaaand sooooooo!!” “Sooooooooo!!” “Soooooooooo!!!” “We will send you half road, just to Queens!”

“The pigeons are going to get soaked!” aaaaaand we’re back to the pigeons-

“What sad way to finish your career!” they sound so sarcastic I can’t-

“They’re not serious, but if they think we’re laughing…” i feel low-key threatened-

“Let’s shout it!” well if you try hard enough, you can make it sound like “loud and clear!”?

“Manhattan is theeere, Flushing is theeere, “Richmond is theeere, Woodside is theeere, and the Bronx too!!”

“Sorry, little. No news of him.” I just… why does it translate to “little”?

“You are alone, we could say.” “No.” “Yes.”

Medda really isn’t taking no for an answer-

“The sellers of journals of New York!” I’m crying why is it such a mouthful-

“You want to be treated like an adult? Act like an adult!”

~ something to believe in scene ~

“It’s Specs!” wow kath throw specs under the bus like that-

“And if I was a boy you’d be looking at me with a butter black eye!” I’ve officially given up on the French language I’m sorry-

“You win a fight when the other guy bites the dust.” and another one gone and another one gone-

“If there’s a way I could grab hold of something,” has literally been shortened to ‘if I could.’ IF I COULD-

“If I could stop time.” I’m so mad

“Really?” “Really.” ahhHHHHHHHHHHH

“But it’s going. It’s going.”

“... who didn’t even know she gave me a hope.” WHAT EVEN IS THE POINT IF THE TITLE ANYMORE??

“But it’s going. It’s going.” The thrilling sequel

“No. I’m scared of you.” “No!” yeesh-

“I believe in something.” good for you

~ once and for all scene -

“He is with us.” but like… how much?? only 99 percent????

“We could hold a hoedown here.” I feel like the person translating this just gave up by the end of the show-

“Happy to have found you again.” what did you like lose him or something

“The close.” ok yes that’s funny, but it gets even funnier when you realize it could also be translated to “the farm.”

“A little grease, and she’ll be like new.”

“This is for the guys who kill themselves at the factories.” w h a t

‘THE BANNER OF SELLERS OF JOURNALS’ I’m still not over this

~ everything that comes after that ~

“Anyone who doesn’t act in their own self interest is an idiot!” ey watch it-

also what the heck is ‘quiconque’ I swear I’ve never seen that word in my life

“We will find a way, but let’s seize the moment.” first it was “the chance” and now it’s “the moment” google translate are u okay-

They really went and changed ‘bully’ to ‘monster’ didn’t they

“You can make it.” he really makes it sound like Jack is about to die or something-

“It’s disgusting!” you’re disgusting sir

“And the world will know, we’ve been taking notes.”

“It’s a joke!” nope lol

“Goodbye, fool!” I’M LAUGHING WAY TOO HARD ABOUT THIS-

“Well you already work for my father.” “Yes.”

“Super, Jack Kelly!” I CAN’T-

“So, Jack, you’re staying?” yeah sure close enough-

“Sellers of journals on a mission!”

Das it ‘my friends’ lol. Hope you enjoyed.

[popculturebuffet]

House of Mouse: Max’s Embarrassing Date Review

Hello House Mouses and welcome back to the house of mouse. Another comission by Kev and my second House of Mouse for the valentine’s season. This time we’re not tackling a Valentine’s Episode necesarily, but a romantic one all the same as fan faviorite couple Max and Roxanne finally go on a date.  I always liked Max. Even as a kid when I wasn’t the biggest fan of “A Goofy Movie”, didn’t like the darker patches like the principals office scene or the Pete Hot tub scene.. though in hindsight both had legit greviances with Max... it just dosen’t make either less terrible as the principal still told an innocnet man who wasn’t responsible for what his kid did and was trying his best that his son was going to become a crminal because of one stupid but mostly harmless prank, and Pete.. is just an abusive, unlikeable and unlovable ass in both Goof Troop and Goofy Movie, and I hate how he treats his son, don’t blame his wife for leaving him or taking their daughter and dog, and am really sad he got custody of PJ somehow. And for the record this isn’t ALL petes, just this version. The rest are fine and just the right level of asshole. 

Point is despite my problems with the first film, I had none with the second and even now I like it due to having some really good ideas and concepts while also being gloirously rediclous due to the loveably dated X-Games element. While I do have a spot in my heart for the Dana Hill and Shaun Fleming versions, especially the latter once upon a christmas is awesome, Jason Marsden’s version is the best by the mile having the right amount of ego mixed with self doubt to make him likeable enough to brook him being an ass to his dad a lot. He’s a good character.. and it baffles me Disney NEVER uses him nowadays. No really, the last time he showed up was in twice upon a christmas and no one liked that because he was dating someone who wasn’t Roxanne just to rehash the same plot they’d already rehashed better in Extremley Goofy Movie. I REALLY need to rewatch that one. Hmm.... gonna see if I can squeeze that one into May or later in April. That’s for another time. 

But yeah while he’s at one of the disney parks, that’s it. The character just .. vanished, and hasn’t been brought back in any way shape or form. Though I could see either a Disney Plus reboot of goof troop or a goofy movie with max having his own kids. That could be intresting. Also bring Roxanne back as weirdly this episode i’m reviewing, a goofy movie and now her ducktales cameo are her ONLY apperances. 

Seriously I get she’s not the most fleshed out.. but then flesh her out. Like Max she’s crminally underused and while I get her absence as a character in the sequel, the plot really didn’t need her, he still could’ve been dating her off screen. Though clearly the two worked things out and tried again as this episode came out AFTER extremely did. But did this episode work out? Join me under the cut to find out. 

As i’ve decided is my standard for House of Mouse Episodes, shorts first, then wraparound, then Mickey Mouse live sex celebration. Though I will say i’ve picked up there are two kinds of formats for the show: They either use two of the longer Mouseworks shorts or just one close to 11 minute short, a medium one, and one of the little two minute segments. There might be a break from this in the future, we shall see but for now those ar ethe two standards. This time we have two longer shorts. 

Pluto’s Penthouse Sweet: 

I’ve mentioned in the past I dont’ really get why Pluto is part of Disney’s sensational six along with Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy and Daisy. And I stand by that: While he’s had his own cartoons they just aren’t as entertaining and creative as MIckey’s or hilarous and relatable as Donald and Goofy’s. He’s just an average cartoon dog. He works fine in tandem with Mickey, but on his own he’s just nothing and his spot should be taken by pete, who while not a goodie all the time, again the goof troop version needs to step on a rake and fall into a well.. somehow. i didn’t think my insult through. Point is pete is better.  And this short isn’t BAD .. but to me it’s what some fans THINK the disney shorts are: Bland, maybe one or two good jokes but almost nothing new or intresting. As I found out last year, that’s far from the case, as a lot of the Donald shorts are still hilarious today and a lot of the mickey shorts are shockingly creative, like Thru The Mirorr where he goes .. well thru the mirror into a wonderland like world where all the inanaimate objects are alive and he can shrink and what not via astral projection, or Mickey’s Mechanical Man, which I sadly didn’t know about when I did the MIckey Birthday Special and for some reason isn’t on disne plus. In it Mickey creates a robot and has it box a monsterous looking gorillia. 

How has Mickey piloting this thing but giant sized against various kaiju been a thing yet? And if it has someone tell me. Seriously with all the comics and animated series how. I’d even settle for a Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse episode. Just bring this guy back. Point is there was far more invetnion than it seemed.. at least at first as it slowly died out as they went by the late 50′s. But Pluto just seemed even in their hayday like your standard pet gets into antics thing without the creative slapstick of tom and jerry or the likeablity of sylvester who never could get that asshole Tweety Bird. This is just weak sauce and whiel I could forgive the older shorts, as their from another time and likely lead to say Tom and Jerry... I can’t forgive this which was made probably in 1998 and released in 1999 originally. Comedy had evolved a LOT by that point and unlike the Goofy how to shorts, which are a format that is immortal and still evolved to match the times and felt fresh, these just feel stale and boring and like the last Pluto short I covered this one was a chore to sit through though not nearly AS bad. 

Still though the premise is about the same, Pluto’s left to his own devices, and finds a female dog, though in this case she’s VERY intrested in him. I”m also not entirley convinced she’s a dog, but instead one of Jumba’s experiments and that Lilo and Stitch later had to journey to.. wherever these shorts take place to fetch him. Or more likely the house of mouse. I mean Proud Family, Recess, American Dragon Jake Long and Kim Possible all take place int hat universe, why can’t house of mouse? Also tell me you wouldn’t watch an avengers style team consisting of Kim, Ron, Jake, Penny, Probably TJ, Lilo, Stitch and Donald Duck. If you wouldn’t i’d call you a liar because you would be. 

Seriously the eyes give her away.... just look at them. Very experimenty. But before Pluto can do it like they do on the discovery channel he has to get past the guard dog.. though how he does produces the one great gag of the short, as he BUILDS A GIANT, TROJAN HORSE ESQUE PLUTO OUT OF JUNK. Just holy shit that’s awesome> It gets him inside, only for him to find his lady friend is a bit TOO affectionate and he has to escape, he does so, and MIckey wonders if he missed him etc lame button. This short was a vacuum of comedy outside of GIANT PLUTO. Seriously where’s my disney giant mecha series. YOu have five main characters, and Pluto among with MANY, MANY side characters, frmo scrooge to the boys to hopefully Della, to even possibly pete and mortimer who could have their own mech against the heroes but maybe join them in the last episode. Maybe max and pj could have some, have a father vs son thing with PJ and Pete. I”m just saying, i’d watch it. I know my nieces would watch it. I know my nephews would watch it. Greenlight it. Or i’ll make it.. somehow. 

How to Ride a Bike: Speaking of the How To Shorts, as usual for the House of Mouse era ones.. this was awesome, pretty much what you’d expect, some goofy, pardon the pun, gags about goofy riding a bike and then a fun climax of him in a bike race. Not a ton to add, other than that hamster bike above is genius. Just needs some tweaking. Really funny, really simple, and really good as you’d expect from a good Goofy Short. Easily the best part of the episode. 

Max’s Embarrassing Date: So this was a disapointment. Like i’d try to be nice.. but I had high hopes given this brought Roxanne back, and while the premise was stock maybe they’d do something funny with with it. 

But no the plot is pretty standard, very predictable and fairly obnoxious. Max has a date with Roxanne, and is playing it cool and what not, but is worried his dad will find out.. which he somehow did offscreen. Probably Clarabelle.. I mean they do go out sometimes in this one, wouldn’t surprise me. 

So Max pleads with the rest of the HOM staff to keep him away because he fears his dad will overdo things, which.. is fair and one of the few things I like> He dosen’t want him to overdo it on the mood because this is well.. a first date. He dosen’t want to pressure her or himself and just wants it to be nice and calm. The problem is it’s framed like him once again being embarassed by his dad and having to learn better.

At this point we’d had TWO movies do this already, one of which was only two years old at the time of this episode. This plot is stale as old toast even if it dind’t have goofy in it. And the twist is predictable: the HOM crew end up also overdoing it: Minnie comments on how cute they are and wants candles brought, Daisy gets them a bigger table forgetting how dates work,t hough we do get a great gag of hte 7 dwarves stacked, and Mickey while having .. some.. gopher? I honestly can’t tell who it was, usually i’m better at the cameos. Speaking of which they also have a runner of beast going on a date with Cruella Devile. 

I mean is he cheating on his wife? Is she holding his wife hostage? Is this before belle because we see a post transfomratoin beast too so maybe the House of Mouse is an intersection of space and time? That’s.. actually the most resonable answer I can think of honestly and when i’m focusing more on how the hell your gag works than how funny it is, you clearly failed somewhere along the line. 

Point is Mickey puts his good friend in a pothole, and not only calls max little max, which while an understnadably close family thing to do is still embarassing, but also takes pictures while their eating the spagetthi.. which i’m 100% sure was Huey’s idea nad had Mickey not interrupted, would’ve been tied up down the middle for a lady and the tramp thing. It’s his signature move. Well that and having a panic attack. That’s also one of mine the others being lettterkenny refrences and sex jokes about disney characters.  But yeah this just.. dosen’t work. Them being as embarassing? that’d be fine.. if they weren’t wholly unsympathetic for not only keeping their friend from WELL INTEITONEDLY trying to help his son on his date, something his son shold have no problem with since ROXANNE’S MET HIM. AND IS FINE WITH HIM. AND NEVER CARED ABOUT YOU BEING HIS SON LIKE THE DICKHEADS AT SCHOOL. MINUS BOBBY WHO YOUR FRIENDS WITH FOR SOME REASON. My point is this plot bothers me a lot, and it makes the mickey crew come off like assholes for doing this to thier friend instead of just talking to him like a person. Especially since only ONE of them is a parent and Conviently donald is mostly absent. Likely because he realized this was going to end badly and just agreed to tie the spagetthi like huey taught him to keep his involvment in this shit show and gaslighting his best friend to a minimum. 

Eventually Mickey takes things a step too far and has Sebastian almost sing kiss the girl. Max cuts him off though yelling that he just wants them to back off, he just wants them to relax and he TOLD them this, which makes them come off worse as they KNEW he didn’t want this and did it anyway and never apologize becaue apparently the first rule of house of mouse is never apologize for anything, huh huh. Goofy naturally steps in, tells them off and agrees to serve them and Roxanne finds him entertaining and gives him a nose kiss for being a good dad. He’s a good guy that Goof.  Roxanne then whispers something in max’s ear at the end of the date... which gives him an audible erection. No really. And given his age is vauge here I’m suddenly super duper uncomfortable so let’s move on. 

So max tells them she liked it and wants to come back.. 100% sure that wasn’t what she said but what she said isn’t fit to print and you’ve seen what i’ve said and what I put in the we’ll be right back. Point is he’s happy, though Mickey says we’ll try to make it extra special next time. Mickey.. did you do a space mountain’s worth of pills and cokea nd just forget the entire evening? Did you take some of those hangover roofies/ Why would you do that? Was that pete’s new plan to steal the house of mouse? To drug you guys and make you forget you already paid the rent? Did PJ stop him? Inquiring me wants to know. 

Final Thoughts: Yeah this wasn’t a very good episode. Roxanne is wasted despite having a suitable replacment Roxanne voice in Grey Delise, with no real depth just to rehash the plot of the first and second goofy movies. And this one didn’t have an inexpilicable beatnik cafe, PJ getting laid and finally being happy for once, a standard college fraternity plot  surgeically infused with an out of nowhere obession with xtreme sports that was nowhere in the first film, Goofy in an afro, Goofy finding love, That disco sequence, and a climax in which Goofy carries Brad Garret out of a fire, then Brad Garret probably kills the villian of the film who certainly deserved it. My points are this episode was an underwhelming rehash only saved by some good shippy moments and a good goofy short. It was weak, not all that funny, and not all that intersting.  My other point is that an extremley goofy movie is awesome and also kinda insane and I love it for that. I’m glad I saw this one but i’m really disapointed in how bleh it was. Next time I visit the house of mouse is.. actually in a few days as Pete Does a One Man Show. So yeah already 100% better just by having THAT musical number in it, see you then and if not, there’s always another rainbow. 

[phoenix-downer]

Autumn Mending Chapter 3: Firelight Confessions

~1650 words. Romance, Angst, Pining, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Comfort, Healing, Making Up. For SoKai Day 2021.

Sequel to Kisses and Lies because I couldn’t just leave Sora and Kairi hanging, now could I?

Happy SoKai Day!

Summary: Sora and Kairi are still broken up, but with the help of old friends and Twilight Town’s fall festival, the spark between them just might be rekindled.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Sora felt lightheaded from the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside his heart. So much had happened today. Kairi had shown up here on Twilight Town and had apologized for breaking up with him. Was it possible she still loved him? That she still cared? 

The way he kept catching her looking at him sure made it seem like she did. And now this hayride. He didn’t want it to be over. He wanted her to be snuggled up next to him, holding his hand, for the rest of his life. 

But while his heart and body cried out for joy and begged him to be closer to the one he loved, his brain was yelling at him to put on the brakes, to slow down, to be cautious. What about that guy he’d seen her with? What about the past year and a half of anguish and torment? Could all of that really be forgotten in a single day? 

He wanted to forget. He wanted to put it all behind them. He wanted to forgive and move on and mend things with her. Even if it meant risking getting hurt again. The chance of being with her for good was worth it.

So all that kept his mind occupied to the point he was barely listening to the ghost stories. Before he knew it, the hayride was over and it was time to pile out of the wagon. A pang went through him when Kairi had to let go of his hand, and he wondered if she was as starved for his touch as he was for hers.

Hopefully they’d get to talk about it soon. Hayner, Pence, and Olette had rented one of the campfires nearby for the evening, and that was enough to temporarily distract him. Their little group spent the next couple of hours hanging out, cooking hot dogs and roasting apples and making s’mores. Sora loved sitting by the crackling campfire and spending time with his friends, but as the minutes ticked by, his eyes kept wandering to Kairi. She was seated across from him, and she looked really beautiful in the flickering firelight. Their eyes met, and she smiled and looked at him the way she always used to look at him. 

“Oh gosh, I almost forgot!” Olette said, clasping her hands together. “Our pumpkins! We should grab them so we can light the tea candles in them.” She stood and stretched. “Hayner, Pence, come with me so we can grab everyone’s pumpkins and bring them back.” 

Hayner and Pence finally got the hint and followed after Olette, leaving Sora and Kairi alone. He stood under the pretense of roasting another marshmallow, but really, he just wanted an excuse to sit next to her. He loved being close to her, and her natural scent mingled with the campfire’s smell in a way that reminded him of all the times they’d gone camping as kids back home. 

“The embers are best here,” he said to explain his sudden change in position, and she smiled and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Oh are they now.” 

“Yeah.” A few seconds passed, and he added, “Listen, Kairi, about earlier—”

“I’m still in love with you,” she blurted out, and he dropped the marshmallow and stake into the fire. Didn’t even care about them anymore. Something far more important was at stake here. 

“But—I saw you, with that guy—It’s why I left again—”

Kairi shook her head, and her eyes watered. “After our mission, I was hoping you and I could work things out, but I felt like you were avoiding me. I figured you didn’t love me anymore, and I couldn’t blame you. So when that guy asked me out, I thought, why not give it a shot. Why not try to move on and give you your space. But then he tried to kiss me, and I just… I couldn’t.” Her voice broke and she was crying in earnest now. “All I could think about was you,” she sobbed. “How badly you’d be hurt if you knew. How wonderful it feels when you kiss me. And I knew I was still in love with you. I knew my heart would always be yours. I knew it was pointless to try to move on.” 

Sora stared at her, his heart pounding in his chest. Kairi still loved him? Kairi still wanted to be with him? That guy he saw her with was nothing more than a quick fling that made her realize the one she truly wanted to be with was him? 

She wiped her teary eyes. “Say something, please.” 

He gently caught her hand and tugged it away from her face. She searched his eyes, and he smiled and cupped her cheek. 

“I love you too, Kairi,” he said, softly, tenderly, then brought his lips to hers. He kissed her with all the pain and homesickness he’d felt the past year and a half, all the pining and aching and longing, hoping she’d realize just how much he wanted this, how much he wanted her. And she kissed him back, so unguarded and wild and joyful that his pain started to fade away. What had happened couldn’t be undone, but it could be mended and healed, could be turned into something beautiful and good, could become another part of their love story. 

When it was over, he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her head. She leaned against his heart and gently touched where his scar was hidden under several layers of clothes. She knew it so well that she didn’t even have to look to know where it was. And he didn’t have to look to know where Xehanort had struck her down either; his hands had held the very spot countless times before and remembered exactly how to comfort her.

“I love you,” he said, his voice full of emotion. 

“I love you too.”  

He kissed her head and stroked her hair. “I’m gonna make you a new promise,” he said. “You mean everything to me, and I want to settle down with you, get married, start a family. The past several years, I’ve been saving up munny so we can do just that. Maybe we should go to college first though, that would probably be good. We’ve gotta provide for our family and for each other somehow. And I know it’ll be an adjustment for me. I’m not naive enough to think it won’t be. But you’re more than worth it.”

She sniffled and clutched his hoodie. “I’m sorry for doubting you.” 

“It’s okay. You had a lot of reasons to be concerned. I’ve left you behind too many times before.” 

“But you always come back to me,” she said as she looked up and searched his eyes. 

“That’s right. I made you a promise, to always return.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out her lucky charm. 

She teared up again and curled his fingers around it. “Keep it till we get home. For good, I mean. Then, and only then, will I take it back.” 

“Deal.” 

He tucked it back into his pocket and held her and kissed her and comforted her. He shared his hoodie with her too because even with the campfire nearby, she was getting a little cold. Plus it was just nice to be this close to her. He’d missed her, so much. And something about the fire was cozy and calming and enchanting. He could hold her like this and stare into it forever. 

Well, until Hayner, Pence, and Olette returned with the pumpkins. They had big smiles on their faces, and Olette told them to close their eyes. Sora heard the lighter flicking a couple of times as their friends lit the pumpkins, and then when he and Kairi opened their eyes, he could see why Olette had wanted this to be a big surprise. 

Kairi had carved the same drawing of him that she’d drawn in the Secret Place when they were kids, complete with the paopu fruit she’d added to it years later. It matched perfectly with his pumpkin because he’d carved the drawing he’d made of her with the paopu fruit too. A big smile lit up her face as she saw the two pumpkins side-by-side, and he grinned and kissed her cheek, only for her to kiss him properly on the lips. There was much whooping and hollering from Hayner, Pence, and Olette, much to he and Kairi’s amusement. 

“Operation-get-the-lovebirds-back-together is a success!” Hayner crowed, high-fiving Pence. 

Sora raised an eyebrow. “Wait, you guys planned this?” 

“Maybe,” Olette said with a teasing lilt to her voice, and Hayner and Pence both had triumphant smirks on their faces. 

“I can believe you did,” Sora said to Olette, “but these two interrupted Kairi and I so much tonight I was convinced they were trying to keep us apart,” he finished, jabbing his finger at Hayner and Pence.

“Reverse psychology, it works wonders,” Pence said. “We figured it would get you more desperate to talk to each other.” 

“I guess it worked then,” Sora said wryly. “Because as great as that hayride was, it was not worth all the interruptions.” 

Hayner, Pence, and Olette laughed, and Kairi giggled and nuzzled his cheek. Sora soon joined in with the merriment. He couldn’t hold the scheming against his friends, especially because it had worked. He and Kairi were together again, and while it would take time to mend all the hurt between them and forge a path forward, he knew they would. Tonight was a good start, and he was determined to make this work and so was she. 

When their eyes met, he knew something else, too. He loved her and she loved him, and that was more than enough for them to make their own storybook ending and happily-ever-after.

~~~

A/N: Last year I wrote nine kiss prompts for SoKai based on this list, and I wanted to write one more to hit ten, so, this story fits... 

11. ...in joy, 

30. ...as comfort, and 

50. ...out of love.

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed!

[chocolateslatte]

🚨The Rise of Skywalker Detailed Review and Spoilers Ahead🚨

George Lucas: “If the boy and girl walk off into the sunset hand-in-hand in the last scene, it adds 10 million to the box office”

The “fairytale” we got: A long long time ago in a galaxy far far away, there was a curse of pain and death in a family that just went on and on.  They were never able to break it and they all die, the end. 

Well, you did it JJ, you little punk...you ruined 40 years of cinema. Kids are coming out of theatres crying, they can’t understand. I guess this was the “fun and hopeful ending” you were speaking of during the press tours.  Are you on crack or something, or just sadistic....why would you promote it like that!? Did you forget Star Wars at its core is a story of hope, light, a fairytale in space for children? They did it...they united Reylo’s and Fanboys through hate. 

JJ you do realize tragical romances are only tragically romantic if there was romantic buildup? Romeo and Juliet married in secret, Anidala did as well and flirted in the fields. How was this supposed to be satisfying? A five-second beginning, middle, and end. How this went through multiple execs is beyond me.... I would have understood if Reylo was Rian’s creation. BUT JJ LITERALLY was the one who told Rian to go forth with it...he created Reylo so you can’t say the last Jedi derailed things on that front. JJ wasn’t brave enough for his own vision. This movie was like “the crimes of Grindlewald”, a lot of stuff happening that made me feel nothing. 

Okay, first things first. The OG trilogy was necessary, the prequels were necessary to set up that Vader did not start off bad. What was necessary about the sequels? They just dismantled everything the Skywalker family worked for. Why did we have to see ALL of our favorite characters die? Was the aim that a villain can only be redeemed through death? How original. I’m convinced what they were planning for since force awakens was a journey from villain to hero...but instead we got this a 10min redemption resulting in death a la Vader. Why call Adam Driver’s character a “Disney Prince”?When did Happy endings become so controversial? We go to the movies to feel hope, to escape reality...George Lucas understood that. JJ’s trilogy is uninspired, bland and contributes nothing to the saga. JJ went as far as to recon his own “The Force Awakens”.It had the chance to define generations but no. Literal and utter garbage. Rian made some odd choices but he was bold, unafraid and had the vision. HE knew emotion was at the heart of Star Wars.

WHERE DID THE SKYWALKERS RISE? MORE LIKE RISE OF PALPATINE,  HE BLOODY WON

BUT my problem is not with the ending, it’s the bloody entire movie. This movie made me realize that it's not Reylo that I am a fan of, it was Ben, Leia, Han, Ani, Padme, and all those other characters. I’m upset because this movie is not my Star Wars: of family, love and above all else hope. This is just a 2.5-hour video game with no emotions. This trilogy was all angst with NO payoff.

Okay, you will never ever convince me Palpatine was planned the whole time. This whole movie was retcon for the Last Jedi that pissed off the fanboys. Lucas films did not have an outline for the three films and Rian derailed whatever they wanted to do....except they didn’t even tell him what they wanted! This should be a cautionary tale of why you need to plan. Kylo ain’t bad, Snoke is gone....well pull out Palpatine I guess. This whole film is JJ’s mad scrambling.  Alright, I will humor you, tell me how Palpatine came back when he fell down a shaft and exploded....not *boom boom because of force*. The force in this movie is not canon George Lucas force, it’s just an easy out whenever JJ wants one. 

1. Opening Crawl: As soon as I saw this I knew all the leaks were true, I wanted to bolt from the theatre. When I saw them in August I laughed cause it was so ridiculous it couldn’t be true. How could Disney let a whole movie leak? The plot seemed like a bad fan-fiction. Actually, fanfics are way more true to lore. Anyway, so Palpatine “announces” that he’s back. Is this the shrewd Chancellor Palpatine we know? Certainly, not...why in the world would he announce it rather than keep on the DL and just attack. Yo Palps ain’t this dumb why would you let them (the resistance) prepare?? Because of plot...well okay. 

2. Did Last Jedi even happen:  this film is the sequel to the force awakens, like TLJ never happened...except it’s acting like there was some movie in between that JJ made. Okay, so why is Kylo trying to run Rey over with his tie fighter...he doesn’t really want to kill her. It’s just meaningless action shots.  And don’t get me started on exposition, the dialogue: “hey look its the Knights of Ren”. Except they do nothing. Cool cool.  Kylo’s character goes back to Force awakens era like no development had occurred...except he’s not even there he’s just messing around not even being a real villain.  JJ’s specialty is set-up and he does this beautifully....but he can not wrap up and follow through. 

3. Rose Tico: yup last Jedi never happened, she has nothing to do. She and Finn are irrelevant. Finn has reverted to being obsessed with Rey. Cool Cool.  I honestly feel so bad for the lovely Kelly Marie Tran. How did you relegate a relatively big character into the sidelines?? Why introduce two new characters this late. Rose could have filmed in for them...but alas we must snub Rian at every turn because that’s just how petty JJ Abrams is. ( don’t get me wrong Jannah was cool)

4. The Rise Of Poe Dameron: Finn has been relegated to a side character who does nothing and just yells “REY!”. It was a great setup, a stormtrooper who was force sensitive but doesn’t want his life to be fighting for nothing. You could have explored trauma, the discovery of the light but nope nada. Tell me the point of his character journey. So flat and static. And with Jannah and the ex stormtroopers they could have gone with the arc of these lost, sad kids coming together to find family. 

5. Leia:  Okay you’re telling me our Princess would give up on her son before he was born, just throw away her lightsaber and accept Ben’s fate? Cool alright. And she knew about Rey Palpatine and didn’t say anything...my princess would never.

6. Mary Sue Rey: Ahh Rey this girl feels no emotion in this movie...just like the audience. Sure she’s trained but she can just do stuff with the “force” that even Jedi masters can’t. Stopping a whole starship, something even Yoda could barely do...yup she can do it. Beat Kylo all the time except one, yup she can. Manipulate the force in mind-boggling ways, heal people...sure Luke couldn’t but Rey certainly can.  Cause she is the chosen one...hell even Ani wasn’t this talented and he had years of training. Poe and Finn have a genuine connection, Rey just seems disjointed (totally understandable why)...but if so the ending is even worse. She doesn’t even find peace with her friends. She’s not realistic and human like Luke and Leia were. 

 Force sensitivity in the galaxy:  What a perfect setup, the boy with the broom at the end of TLJ that was force sensitive. The message is that the power to use the force was spreading through the galaxy. No longer confined to the elite. People were hearing of Luke’s battle of Crate and rising.

7. Kylo/Ben: I still maintain that he, other than Ani was the most nuanced character in the whole saga. His arc from Force Awakens to Last Jedi had progressed. How great that even someone from the legendary line of skywalker and solo could fall to the dark again. He wasn’t flat, he was a tortured boy that was conflicted since the first movie. How great would it have been to see him as a conflicted supreme leader, which was set up in TLJ. But *gasps* a plot of his very own, no can do, this is the nature of JJ’s crush on Rey and Daisy. 

Disney released comics that made us sympathize with him, to see that all along he was manipulated by Snoke, and Palpatine the voices in his head. Neglected by those who were supposed to love him. Adam Driver was cast perfectly, he had almost no lines that weren’t related to Rey’s charcater arc. If he were a woman I’m sure everyone would be offended. That single line’s delivery “Dad-”

Come on Poe had more lines than him, and Driver according to JJ was half of the protagonist. He was pitched an arc opposite that of Darth Vader that’s why he signed. Man JJ really did do everyone dirty. 

8. Ben had no lines while redeemed other than “ow”...I am so sorry ADAM that this nasty ass JJ did this to you...this part was 100% improv by Adam, I am willing to bet my life on it. You know why “ow” was brilliant? Cause it meant he felt pain and emotion, he was no longer hiding behind the hardness of Kylo REN. Adam’s performance as Ben left me speechless, he was convincing as Kylo, intimidating...but as BEN he shines in the way only Solo’s can. The way his eyes become determined once he accepts he must give his life, and he does so happily for the love of his life. His soulmate. Star Wars and JJ never deserved the talent that is Adam Driver.

9. They are supposed to be equals in the force yet they missed the opportunity to fight Snoke together. Tell me how they are equals. He existed only to further Rey’s plotline. 

Oh and the other Jedi including Anakin whisper and help Rey...when his own grandson has been asking for help in distress for like 30years. Nice real nice.

10. Finally Reylo:  it felt unearned cause there was no buildup, JJ just threw it in for kicks forgetting all the P&P parallels he was shooting for. An afterthought. Driver and Ridley’s acting saved the day, they had no lines.  Adam Driver is truly one of the finest actors. You could see the difference between Ben and Kylo in his subtle gestures...the sass was pure Han Solo.  

11. And then the death: I wouldn’t even say we won, but at what cost. We won in no way. Had he died fighting I would have understood, but this death was so unnecessary and put in just for the fanboys. Let me say again I would have been okay with death had it been justified.  How is this any different than Vader x Luke. JJ can only copy not create. How crazy that you can just bring people back from the dead...Anakin is here like, am I joke to you? I could have brought Padme back say what???? What was the point of his whole fall to the dark. The force is infinite, that’s the whole point...once you know how to use it you can’t run out of it like juice. Oh, and Ben did not become one with Rey but rather the Force according to the Disney website. So why pray tell did he not appear as a force ghost? I’m convinced JJ was on crack.  

12. No Mourning BEN no acknowledgment:  5 seconds! And then she moves on from losing her soulmate, half of her soul. She loses it over Chewie but nothing, no emotion not even a second over her other half. Seriously? No one ever knows Ben came back...nada. JJ set up Reylo, time and time again he has said that he crafted the story around the romance. He was left scrambling after Last Jedi and this was a last-ditch shock ending. No Reylo theme song, no across the stars

13. Last Jedi told us you don’t have to come from a powerful family to be important. THE WHOLE thing was that you could be force-sensitive and be a nobody. Nobodies can become somebody. A Hero is not born but made. The force lives in all beings, not just powerful families. It inspired me, what a great message to young guys and gals. Kylo’s line, “you come from nothing, you are nothing...you have no place in this story” finally turns out true. You have to come from something to have a part in the Star Wars story. And Rey had darkness inside her cause she was human. Because none of us are pure, we are shades of grey. But no, it’s cause darkness only runs in families. In the Last Jedi when she wants to see her family all she sees is herself and a shadow (Ben) who joins with her. Please do explain this JJ. And if this granddaughter thing was set up I would have had no problem...but they pulled it from their asses. You can have nothing but mean something. But no pander to the fanboys. In the end, a Palpatine lived and all the skywalkers ended....and we are supposed to have hope. Palpatine really did win. 

14. Rey’s biggest fear was ending up in the desert alone, we were told “the belonging she seeks is ahead not behind” and “there’s someone who could still come back”. They mentioned she felt just as alone with the resistance. Only the other half of her soul understood her. This is truly tragic and sad...I am so heartbroken for her. And don’t tell me she isn’t there to stay...the soundtrack is called “a new home”. Enjoy the rest of your days being exactly where you started Rey....but hey at least you got a droid boo. I’m convinced this is not the balance JJ envisioned in the first movie. At one point in TFA Rey looks up sees an old woman alone, scavenging in the desert. This rattles her to the core and it starts her journey of wanting a better, different life. I am so sorry Rey. Okay so you may say she has the resistance and her friends...but let’s consult the last Jedi. In the end when everyone is on the ship...Rey is surrounded by friends yet looks more alone than ever. No one but Ben, maybe Luke, Leia, and Han understood her pull to the dark.

How sad that these two hopeless souls who had never known a moment of belonging and true love, found it for all but a few seconds.

I will quote: “preventing female characters with strong, compelling narratives from experiencing love, intimacy, and affection is just as regressive as reducing them down to sexual accessories. Assumes that women must choose between a romantic interest and depth of character”

Men really can not write good female characters, can they? A woman really can’t be a badass and end up with the love of her life

15. The Skywalker’s and Redemption: How truly truly sad that Han and Leia gave their life for their son who also died at a young age. ALL the Skywalkers and Solo’s have a tragic end. This is not what George Lucas wanted. What a tragic way to end this saga...they weren't able to break the curse. AND to all those troubled kids out there that lashed out and made terrible mistakes in their youth....doesn’t matter what you do dying is the only way out. You could have exiled him, made him pay in other ways. Nothing can be done to make up for your sins but death, no amount of good means that you can come home. To the young boys that get wrapped up in terror organizations, sorry the only way you can be redeemed is death...don’t bother changing and coming back. They could have exiled him, had him start an academy with Rey for Jedi kids. He could have spent the rest of his days redeeming himself. Why tell us he was literally preyed upon, haunted, and manipulated as a child. Even in a fantasy world, a victim of mental illness and abuse can not catch a break. Ben as a child could not fall asleep due to the demon-like voices in his mind. Everyone abandoned him in his time of need. Ben never desired power like Anakin, he went over to the dark because “the voice” of his grandfather promised belonging. I am shocked that this is the message Disney sends us. Oh and yeah you can totally take on the Skywalker name for kicks...the disrespect I swear

16. The worst bit is that I am 90% sure there was another ending that was scrapped.  There was a promo shot of Jannah in a field, soft lighting, lush planet. It was exactly like P&P. Daisy Ridley said the lasts scene was known to only Her, Jannah on that panel (Driver was away). Convinced Jannah was looking at Rey and Ben starting a new life away from the desert which she and Luke hate so much. Hence the production of “A New Home” soundtrack. Hence why the “Farewell” song played behind Reylo kiss was hopeful. Why Luke’s soundtrack when he became part of the force was not triumphant. Why the death scene was sudden and cut weird and no sorrow from Rey. CAUSE THEY SCRAPPED THE ORIGINAL ENDING LAST MINUTE.  Everyone knows JJ was still editing one month before. The concept art which was supposed to be released this month has been pushed to March. Why you ask? They need to remove the pages with a happy ending. He just didn’t have the guts, pandered to everyone and yet no one. He was successful in creating a beautifully filmed action-filled movie with none of the heart of Star Wars.

And then she goes and buries Anakin’s saber on freaking TATOOINE. He HATES Sand and Luke wanted to get away from there as soon as possible. Of course, a Palpatine would torture them that way. But nostalgia is the cash cow so. JJ can only generate nostalgia, not create original stories. IF he had any creativity she would have buried it at Padme’s grave.

The fanboys say “leave the romance for the romance movies”....have you seen the original trilogy or the prequels? Star Wars has always had hope and romance entwined with it. 

SO AFTER 40 YEARS...PALPATINE WINS...HIS BLOODLINE LIVES ON

...and people thought the prequels were bad 

JJ you also said that your goal was for people to come out of the movie feeling more hopeful and happy then they went in...yet here I am. My roommate literally had to console me and buy me ice cream. I am just so numb. I am sure the casual fan will enjoy this, as seen from the rotten tomatoes ratings. I think the critics were too generous with this one, 

Star Wars is very simple at its core, Good vs Bad and Dark vs Light. The kids are expected to understand that a Palpatine being the only one who lives is hopeful? That is the conclusion of three generations of Skywalker sacrifice...

This is how the Skywalkers are remembered...In Tragedy and Curse??

[chamomileteainabuttercup]

18, 20, 39 and 41 for reyrose please? Thanks :)

Nice! I don't get to talk about them all that much (the sequel trilogy turned out so poorly that discussing it just isn't much fun) but I really like to imagine a life they could have together. A lot of this requires ignoring stuff I didn't like, primarily from The Rise of Skywalker. We're going to an AU where Rey is most certainly not Palpatine's granddaughter; she's a "nobody" in the positive sense that she doesn't carry the baggage of being descended from anyone with a significant history. Whatever she does, she's doing of her own accord. Plus, she certainly did not have a romantic attraction or attachment to Kylo Ren. She was simply trying to do what she thought might work to bring peace, despite her natural aversion to him. Also in this AU, Rose got to do stuff that mattered! I don't have many specifics because it would require writing a whole different plot for the movie, but she did!

(oh and the big bad/puppetmaster was Jar Jar, but that's well beyond our scope here)

On to Rey and Rose!

18. What are their dates like? How long do/did they date? Do they ever feel the need to take a break from each other?

For Rey and Rose a really good date is a day out rummaging through junkyards and pawnshops. Rey is great at finding things, Rose is great at fixing things, and together they find all kinds of technological curiosities that they repair, restore, or refashion into something new. They don't necessarily have a lot of dates as such because they're both pretty busy working with their friends to re-establish peace and democracy across the galaxy, but when they have a day off together that's how they like to spend it. Rather than needing a break from each other, during their busy times they wish they could see each other more, and not be too tired to enjoy their time when they do. (It's like having a partner who's going through medical school, but both ways.) When things aren't so busy but they can't take a whole day to do something nice, they work on their fix-it projects together, share a meal, or have a movie night in with Finn and Poe.

So whether that qualifies as "dating" or not, mileage may vary, but that stage of their relationship goes on four or five years before they decide together to make it permanent and get married.

20. What does their home look like? Their room?

Once things calm down enough that they can have a home of their own and spend a lot of time in it (so a few years on from when they meet, a little after they marry), they buy an old scrapyard and set up Rey and Rose's Salvage and Repair, and live in a house they build at the back of the yard. I'm not sure what planet this is on, and it might well be Tatooine; I'm happy with Rey going to live there but I don't want her to take the name Skywalker. After all, Tico is a good surname, if she needs one, and again, it doesn't have baggage.

The house is by no means beautiful; it's functional and sturdy and designed to largely keep itself warm or cool depending on the climate. Their room is sunny and always a little messy and dusty because neither of them is particularly houseproud, but it's not dirty or chaotic. They always have a few rescue droids around the place that they're rehabilitating - ones that have been abused or badly damaged and need some TLC both to get them running smoothly again and to help them regain trust and confidence. Some go back out into the world to find new jobs and some become permanent residents - one of those is Professor Huyang, who they found on a scrapheap during the alternative third-movie plot I haven't fully figured out, and who helped Rey to make herself a better lightsaber and taught Finn how to craft his own too. Huyang is the closest thing to a Jedi mentor they have - since Anakin's lightsaber was cut in two in The Last Jedi, I wanted a new lightsaber quest to be part of the story, and it was meant to tie in with Finn's Force sensitivity coming to the fore and Rey trying to help him get to grips with it while still learning about it herself.

39. Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first?  When did they realize they were in love?

This is very much a romance that grew out of a friendship which had a bit of an inauspicious beginning. When Rey needs to go on her quest, Rose, having recovered from her injuries, volunteers to go with her so she doesn't have to do everything alone. That's a good reason but it's also a way to get some distance from Finn, who she's realised is in love with Poe, and now she feels mortified about her grand romantic gesture for him. Finn is a Good Boy who's grateful for her feelings although he can't reciprocate, and doesn't want Rose to feel badly but it's not really in his power to help her with that. She needs time to get over the disappointment and embarrassment without having to see him being all in sync and starry-eyed with his extremely handsome and dashing fighter-pilot boyfriend who is all (bites lip) at the sight of him.

To begin with she also feels awkward with Rey, because she's Finn's best friend and also has this whole legendary magical vibe about her that's a bit intimidating - but a few days on the Millennium Falcon with her and seeing the Magic Knight Hero who floats rocks with her mind also chews with her mouth open, and will happily eat a brick of uncooked noodles as a snack, and has the most delightful scrunchy-nosed smile, and is just as much of a greasemonkey and gearhead as she is (and they need to spend a lot of time just keeping the Falcon going, and there's nothing like solving problems together for making friends), and she soon gets over any awkwardness and realises Rey is a kindred spirit.

Both of them are conscious of their liking for each other growing into a romantic attraction, but they're awfully busy avoiding the First Order and fixing their ship in flight and questing for kyber crystals and encountering Jedi ghosts and realising the Falcon's computer with the "peculiar dialect" is sentient and building a new droid body to transfer L3-37 into so she can live again, so it's a bit hard to find a good time to talk about it. At the end of a tiring day they're sitting in the lounge of the Falcon where the holo-chess table is, feeling pretty exhausted, and Rose leans her shoulder against Rey's, and then her head, and Rey takes her hand between both hers, and they sit quietly for a couple of minutes more, each becoming sure that the other feels the same way, before something goes bleep and the lights go off and they have to get up and find what's wrong and fix it.

While Rose has both hands busy with tools, her hair flops over her eyes and she asks Rey, who's holding the flashlight for her, if she can get that. Rey gently brushes it back with her fingers and pauses with her hand on Rose's cheek, and Rose looks up at her, and the first soft kiss is mutually initiated. And at that moment the whatchamacallit Rose is trying to reset gets its act together and the lights all flicker back on very prettily. It is nice.

Incidentally, Rey has no idea Jedi weren't supposed to have romantic relationships or get married. Either Luke didn't know either or he didn't get around to telling her (it's not mentioned in the ancient texts she saved because they predate that rule, which cynical people say really had a political rather than spiritual purpose, preventing the concentration of power in the hands of Jedi dynasties). It doesn't become a problem. Over the years Rey gradually rebuilds a reinvented Jedi Order (one that's a lot less hierarchical and order-y), finding people of all ages with talent that went undeveloped during the dark period, and a few who've had some training and have been living off the grid - like this one little green kid who lives in a flyspeck on the map called Mos Pelgo with his elderly dads who are nevertheless younger than he is.*

41. Are they party-goers? What are they like when they’re drunk? Does it happen often?

The Rebellion/Resistance does love its victory parties and peace celebrations, and naturally they go to a lot of those. There's also Finn's birthday party. Finn doesn't know when his actual birthday is. Poe has picked one out for him and throws him a rager of a party every year. They don't get drunk with great frequency, they're more likely to have a drink or two to relax together and leave it at that, but Finn's birthday party is the annual occasion when they predictably do.

When Rose gets tipsy, she gets very red in the cheeks and laughs till she snorts - it doesn't take much. She's a happy, friendly and cuddly drunk who everyone wants to take care of. Also kind of sweaty.

Drunk Rey can go one of two ways, giggly and silly along with Rose, or feisty and belligerent. Everyone hopes for silly Rey, who won't do anything worse than jump in a pool with all her clothes on. Belligerent Rey wants to prove how much she loves her friends by fighting anyone who she thinks she overheard saying one word against them. Belligerent Rey has to be pushed in the pool to cool her off.

---------------------------------------------------

*I haven't decided why he stopped attending Luke's school before disaster struck and as a placeholder will use "Expelled for drinking ink."

[cobraonthecob]

seeing tdmm antis’ clownery got me thinking - in any case where it does become canon and horikoshi makes a bnha sequel series that has them becoming bad parents or something a la LoK’s kataa.ng, how would i feel?

And to be honest, I think I’d be able to ignore it and keep making a ton of fics where canon is ignored because I have the current show’s tdmm scenes to back up a version where they didn’t become like what LoK did to kataan.g, largely because tdmm so far don’t have kata.ang’s issues: kataa.ng’s issues started within ATLA rather than LoK coming out of the blue with the whole ‘they became bad parents if you think about it’. ATLA’s S3 deteriorated k.atara and aa.ng’s relationship, starting with the superficial shipping scenes to the surprise kiss neither talked about until EIP, to when she got no support from Aa.ng when it mattered the most (TSR. i’m talking about TSR), to Ember Island Players...everything (i still hate that assault to this very day), to neither of them talking one-on-one after EIP, to Kata.ra and Z.uko building up their relationship to culminate in the Last Agni Kai...need i say more? And even before S3, we have notes of Aa.ng...just not being a great future partner for K.atara. There’s moments where he disrespects her culture and moments where Kata.ra has to think of Aa.ng as a partner because the narrative said so. 

And in any case, from what I’ve heard of the manga, we have nothing to point to a deterioration of tdmm’s friendship yet (and even if it did, we have at least five solid seasons worth of their lovely friendship) and I have no reason to doubt Horikoshi’s ability to keep characters in-character (despite some bad character design choices and some questionable narrative framing, but as far as I’m concerned, he can write) just yet, i can hold out hope that tdmm won’t go anything like ka did. 

Sure, there’s great friendship moments between Kata.ra and Aan.g, but for me personally, there’s nothing for me to get me onboard the ship (especially when there’s plenty of other Katar.a ships for me to jump aboard lol) while tdmm i could be content with anything happening and i’d continue to make my fics however i desired. Furthermore, bnha is a lot more multishipping friendly, largely because the BNHA girls aren’t done as dirty as Katara was - they’re not shamed by the narrative for not returning the guy’s feelings and they have a ton of good friendships everywhere (there’s 20 people in the class. have a field day) while Katara was limited to a friend group consisting of her brother, the kid that the narrative doesn’t want to be clear on what she feels about him until the last episode of the show, a weird little sister/daughter relationship going on with Toph, a male character that cares for her and has a whole narrative to her, and the girl dating her brother. There’s not a lot of shipping fuel for Katara except for the two infamous ships, whereas in BNHA, there’s a lovely sprinkling of shipping crumbs everywhere.

tl;dr: tdmm don’t have issues in their friendship in the show/manga, not like ka did during atla’s run, nor do i feel threatened or eclipsed by another todoroki or momo pairing and i would care less if it happened. Canon is a suggestion, my headcanons are my headcanons, and your headcanons are your headcanons. Blocking, backing out of a page, clicking the ‘x’, and not saying anything saves your energy and time