#I still am so bewildered and happy that love lives

[twizzie-lairs]

My Darling, My Honey

Alastor X Fem!Reader (Part 4)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Quick Notes:

This is when both reader/you and Alastor are both alive. (... we'll probably end up in hell later on btw so stay tuned...)

Reader is an artist/painter.

Part 4:

From here on out, you saw Alastor almost every single night. You felt brighter and Alastor definitely felt a change in you too. He wouldn't pry, for as long as you were happy, he was happy too.

The nightly meetings occurred for a month or two before one night, you saw Alastor and Mimzy chat before he came over to see you. Mimzy had finally told him that the reason that you were at the bar every night was because you were staying with her for the time being until you could find a place to live.

Alastor couldn't deny his affection for you any longer after hearing about your situation. He knew what he had to do. He had to make you his.

With a confidence like no one has ever seen before, Alastor twirls you around to face him, away from the patron you were helping serve drinks to.

He pulls you close and whispers in your ear, "My dear (y/n), I must ask you to accompany me to my home tonight. There is something I must ask of you."

A rush of blush appears on your cheeks, a reaction that he often and easily elicits from you. You nod in confirmation, speechless, mind racing at what he could possibly want to ask you.

Sure enough, Mimzy witnesses this encounter and walks up to you two "Alrighty, alrighty, I think we've all seen enough! (Y/N), you're done for the night! Get out of here you two!"

Bewildered, you look at Alastor. He held his arm out to you to hold on to, "Shall we head home, my dear?" Without any hesitation, you link your arm through his as he escorts you through the dimly lit streets back to a small home on the outskirts of town. It was secluded, bordering a forest.

"We have arrived, welcome, to my humble abode dear (y/n)"

After a small tour of the house, the two of you sit down on the couch in his living room. You turn yourself towards him "Your home is so lovely, Alastor. But.. what did you want to ask me?"

A gentle smile and expression creeps up onto his face, "Ah yes, I was enjoying your company so much that I nearly forgot!"

He tilts his head slightly and leans in towards you as he asks, "(y/n), it would be my honor for you to call this your home as well."

Alastor stands up and paces around the living room while he talks, "When Mimzy informed me of your plight, I couldn't resist taking you home with me. For you see, I am quite fond of you my dear."

You shoot up from the couch and immediately hug Alastor, "Oh my stars, I would love nothing more than to live with you, Alastor! It is no secret I am very fond of you as well."

Taken aback by the sudden contact of the hug, it takes him a second to adjust before reciprocating the hug, "My dearest love, I will do everything to make you happy."

From this point forward, you spend many happy months together, painting many a painting out of love for him, helping assist his radio shows, and still occasionally heading into town to pay Mimzy a visit.

It was almost pure bliss. Until one fateful night many months later.

-> Part 5

[marlair]

a thousand faces in a thousand places

synopsis: the housewardens with a Sparkle (from honkai: star rail) reader. (headcanons)

gn!reader + reader is not yuu

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

uhm! 😨 (scared)

there is not a single universe where this man, pre-overblot, did not hate you.

so, how did you two meet? considering your mysterious, yet still childish personality- you probably got sorted into heartslabyul!

you’re basically like alice but.. so. much. worse. 

pre-overblot he’d, most likely, be very cross with you.

do you know how many times you’ve been off-with-your-head-ed? because it’s happened a LOT. and i mean, a lot a lot.

you were in and out of everywhere, were rather cryptic, and had a strong mischievous streak.

how could he NOT be annoyed? smh.

though, post-overblot, i think he’d be more relaxed.

of course, he’d still be exasperated, but not to the level of annoyance he had before. progress, woop woop !!!

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

i am still scared. not for you, but for leona.

he’d be annoyed, i suppose. you’re like a creepy, more out there, more literally insane version of ruggie.

so, how did you two meet? it’s similar to how yuu and the lion met, actually. except.. there’s kind of a difference.

whereas yuu stepped on his tail (by accident!), causing leona to go “ooh i’m gonna eat you” like a shark on steroids, YOU were the one who.. tried to eat him.

picture this, leona sleeping on the botanical garden, you seeing his tail and immediately going

how romantic a meeting! be still, my heart! meetcute who?

you immediately started laughing hysterically when his startled awake gaze met your terribly amused eyes, so the impression you left to him.. eh.

you probably started a “Call Leona ‘Unca Weona’” trend on MagiTok (that cater undoubtedly joined in on), so he’s probably pretty annoyed at you.

— you’ve also probably used his money to fund some performances.

AZUL ASHENGROTTO

“you have bewitched me body and soul. 🤩” “HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE”

he’s probably mildly terrified of you and your absolutely horrendous schemes.

so, how did this lovely pair meet? WELL.

azul, doing paperwork in his office or whatever he does, looking like he sniffs lint, jolts when jade enters abruptly.

it’s unlike the eel’s usual respectful manner, so he’s pretty confused, immediately going “what is it?”

a sheepish jade smiles awkwardly and goes to say something like, “blah blah vanished into thin air before they could pay.”

azul is BEWILDERED. vanished??

so, obviously, righteously wanting his money, he tells jade and floyd to go look for you.

they did not find you.

fun.

KALIM AL-ASIM

he has a new bestie now!

you two are great friends, your chaotic (one more so than the other) tendencies and fun-loving personalities make you a great pair.

jamil would say otherwise.

you two go on happy little excursions around the campus, terrorizing a few people here and there, and honestly just having the time of your lives.

he was so glad you weren’t his friend just for his wealth, but because you liked his personality as he liked yours.

though, you, as someone who can only have their interest piqued by amusement, didn’t understand why he’d think you were using him.

you wear the most stupid matching shirts (that kalim bought and jamil tacitly approved) and walk around, happily playing and leaving only destruction in your wake.

VIL SCHOENHEIT

you’re fashionable, he likes you.

with your skill in acting, you’re probably in the film studies club, which is most likely how you two met.

he admires your.. cough, dedication. and he also thinks your personality is a bit (is it?👀).

“your dedication to being you is admirable.” “hehe thanks but wtf🥰”

as literally everyone is, kalim not included, he’s pretty exasperated by your chaos-causing tendencies and unhinged personality.

illusion magic is your jam, so just imagine how shocked he was when looking into his mirror and seeing your evilly-grinning visage instead of his own face.

(rook approves.)

talking about rook, a curious vil had asked the hunter to.. stalk you for a while, because he was confused if you were really the person you portrayed yourself as.

a laughing rook gave the report that you had found him out and asked if he was close to his housewarden because he stripped himself naked and apologized for his crime of liking neige.

vil is flabbergasted.

IDIA SHROUD

on one hand, he’s terrified, and on the other- he thinks you’re funny.

you come up with the most unhinged insults, and you always get the last word- he thinks you’re admirable.

your level of extrovertness is shocking to him.

first kalim, now you? he is Shaking His Head™.

how you first met doesn’t matter, what matters is what he accidentally said when first meeting you and having a good short chat.

“mesugaki..” he mumbled in the middle of your sentence.

your ears were good. his ears were working well enough to hear his own damn self.

he wants to cry. he wants to dig a hole in the ground and bury himself in it.

“hikikomori.” you immediately responded.

critical hit! idia will have to stay inside his room for three weeks, tell ortho he loves him..

you’d say you two get along well, idia would say otherwise.

MALLEUS DRACONIA

he enjoys your rambunctious personality. he’s normally chilling quietly in the corner, so having you drag him around probably does wonders for how people see him.

he approves (sebek does NOT).

he’s sometimes concerned. he knows humans don’t live long, will you Doing What You Do somehow make your lifespan even shorter? 

you’re just being you and he’s standing menacingly right beside you. imagine how that looks to other people.

your local terrorist gremlin and THE malleus draconia. standing next to eachother. chilling.

you probably call him “that guy with the horns”, or something more animal aligned.

like “ram horns boy”. 

lilia probably laughed at it, silver didn’t know if he should’ve felt offended for malleus or if it was a friendly joke, and sebek is going to use it as a horror story for the future generations of his family.

you’re just causing chaos and he’s there like 🧍😄

[tamayula-hl]

I have illustrated many Dad!Ominis, but as I have not yet published my headcanon on DadOmi, I would like to explain it in drawing and text because I am not good at English😳

In my headcanon, Ominis discussed this with his girlfriend, MC, while he was still at school, and they chose to drop the Gaunt name and elope together. The pair jumped ship on a steamer to the USA soon after graduation. As you know, the Gaunt family has ties to the USA, as the mother of the founder of the Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the USA was born a Gaunt, and there is a Slytherin wand buried in the garden of that school.

(This is an illustration of that scene that I posted on Twitter in May, but there are lots of things I want to correct 😂)

They then started a new life together in the USA, where Ominis was lucky enough to get a job as an employee at MACUSA, which had just moved to New York and was short-staffed. (I have no idea of the details of how Ominis, under a pseudonym that presumably hides his Gaunt family origins, was hired as a permanent employee, and whether his obvious posh English could hide his identity in the US. Never mind the details!🤣)

And secondly, how Ominis became a father in the place where he eloped. In my personal opinion, he would surely be reluctant to leave offspring, even if he became a couple with the woman he loved. A witch named Rionach Steward, daughter of the founder of Ilvermorny School, has become so thick with Gaunt blood that she is rumoured to be a Parselmouth. She remained celibate for the rest of her life in order not to leave her cursed blood to future generations. Ominis is very serious and thoughtful and, like Rionach, would not want to leave the Gaunt blood flowing in his body to future generations.

Where Rionach and Ominis differ, however, is that he is a man. If Ominis were heterosexual and had a healthy body, it would be difficult for him to completely abstain from sexual desire for women. (As an aside, I think this dichotomy is the spice that makes Ominis' smut more attractive.)

Two young, loving people who are financially strapped and starved for entertainment are sure to indulge their carnal desires. Soon, they find out that MC is pregnant.

In other words, in my headcanon, ominis become fathers for the pathetic reason of contraceptive failure. I guess there are two sides to this, but of course I am convinced that Ominis is not the kind of irresponsible man who would run away from an unwanted pregnancy. Ominis will be very bewildered, but he will be cheerful in front of his pregnant wife and will support her with dedication, as in the manga and illustrations I posted the other day! During MC's pregnancy, Ominis will be repeatedly struck with anxiety, but as he sees his wife's belly growing bigger day by day, he will gradually develop paternal feelings for her. And after the birth of his first child, when he holds his baby for the first time, Ominis will be moved by the preciousness of the creature in his arms and the weight of life, and he will awaken as the best dad…!

I hope that Ominis, who became a father after unexpected events in his elopement, lives happily ever after, chewing on how precious a healthy family is😍.

Of course, it's all my headcanon, so I like different people's different ideas about Ominis' future! Anyway, I am happy as long as I see Ominis living a long and happy life..!

Thank you for reading my long story 🫶🫶🫶

A Japanese translation of the text is placed in undercut. (ほぼTwitterで書き散らかしていた妄想をまとめたものです。画像内の文章を和訳する元気はありませんでしたすみません…😂)

（機械翻訳にブチ込む用に書いた文章なので、ちょっと変ですがご容赦ください🙏）

私の脳内設定（headcanon）では、オミニスは在学中にガールフレンドであるMCと話し合って、Gauntの名を捨て、二人で駆け落ちすることを選びました。 二人は卒業してすぐにアメリカ行きの蒸気船に飛び乗りました。

その後二人はアメリカで新生活を始め、ニューヨークに移転したばかりで人手不足のMACUSAでオミニスは運良く職員としての仕事を手に入れました。 （おそらくGaunt家出身であることを隠している偽名のオミニスがどのように正社員として採用されたか、また、明らかなposh Englishを話す彼がアメリカで素性を隠しきれるかどうかについては、私は細かいことは全く考えていません。こまけえこたぁいいんだよ！）

ご存知の通り、アメリカのIlvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardryの創始者の母はゴーント家の生まれで、その学校の庭にはスリザリンの杖が埋まっているなど、Gaunt家とアメリカには縁があります

そして次に、駆け落ち先でオミニスがどのようにして父親になっていったかです。 私の個人的な意��ですが、彼はきっと愛する女性と夫婦になっても、子孫を残すことを嫌がるでしょう。 Ilvermorny Schoolの創設者の娘のRionach Stewardという魔女はParselmouthという噂があるほどGauntの血を濃く継いでしまいました。彼女は呪われた血を後世に残さないために生涯独身を貫いた。 オミニスはとても真面目で思慮深い性格なので、Rionachと同じように、彼の身体の中に流れるGauntの血を後世に残したくないと思うでしょう。

しかしRionachとオミニスが違うところは、彼が男性ということです。 Ominisが異性愛者で健康的な身体を持っていれば、女性に対する性欲を完全に断つというのは困難でしょう。 （余談ですが、この二律背反こそ、オミニスのsmutをより魅力的にさせるスパイスだと私は思います）

金銭的な余裕もなく娯楽に飢えた、若い愛し合う二人は、きっと肉欲に溺れるはずです。 そして間もなく、MCの妊娠が判明するのです。

つまり私のheadcanonでは、オミニスは避妊失敗という情けない理由で父親になります。 これについては賛否両論かと思いますが、もちろん、オミニスは望まぬ妊娠から逃げ出すような無責任な男ではないと私は確信しています。 オミニスは非常に困惑しながらも、妊娠中の妻の前では明るく振舞い、先日投稿したmangaやイラストのように献身的に彼女をサポートするでしょう！ MCの妊娠期間中、オミニスは何度も不安に襲われるでしょうが、日に日に大きくなる妻のお腹を見ていくうちに少しずつ父性が芽生える。 そして第一子が誕生後、初めて赤ちゃんを抱いた時に、オミニスは腕の中にある生き物の尊さと命の重みに感動し、最高のパパとして覚醒するのです…！！

駆け落ち先の予想外の出来事から父親になったOminisが、健全な家族がどれほど尊いものかを噛み締めて幸せに生きていてくれればと思います😍

もちろん、全て私のheadcanonなので、オミニスの将来については、色んな人の色んな考えも好きです！ とにかく私は、幸せに長生きしているオミニスが見れればそれで幸せなのです…！

長い文を読んでくれてありがとうございました🫶🫶🫶

[cherryandsugar]

Hello! I’d like to request a post-game or post-Cazador fic where the reader/Tav takes Astarion on his first real date (or first in 200 yrs anyways). It would be so cute to see Astarion all surprised/excited/flustered to experience something so ‘normal’. Thank you! :)

did it take me 8 months to answer your request? yes. am i sorry? absolutely. will it happen to someone else again? most definitely. either way, i hope you enjoy, this was very fun to write!

Title: You And Him and the Ocean

Pairing: Spawn!Astarion x Reader

WC: 1,133

Warnings: none! all fluff!

Summary: You plan a surprise for Astarion

---

“Keep them closed!” you commanded giddily as you led a bewildered Astarion through the lower city streets, “It’s a surprise!!”

“So you keep reminding me, darling,” Astarion sighed behind you, exasperated by your secretive behavior. His grip on your hand tightened as he felt another slight tug, your excitement palpable. “But you have yet to tell me what this ‘surprise’ of yours is for.”

“Of course, silly, that would ruin it,” you reasoned.

“Well we can’t have that,” Astarion huffed. Despite his seemingly annoyed tone, he kept his eyes dutifully shut at your request, trusting you to guide him to your destination, wherever that may be. Although he may not understand your secrecy, he’ll be damned if he’s the reason your excitement wavers. 

A cool breeze washes over the both of you, ruffling his hair. He has to fight the urge to run his hands through it, to make sure he was still presentable, of course. Faintly, he can hear the distant lapping of waves upon a shore, and he wonders just how far you’ve dragged him from home.

Since the fall of the Nether Brain the two of you had been living in a lovely little flat near the Society of Brilliance in the Lower City. He had insisted you find something more suitable in the Upper City, but you had laughed and said “Sure, my love, as soon as they clear the rubble and rebuild it from the ground up.” He supposed you had a point there. Besides, the Lower City wasn’t awful. The people there were much more familiar with your exploits, having spent most of your journey there, helping people where you could before ultimately saving the entire city. The people were also much more accepting of his vampirism, which was quite difficult to keep secret with the absence of a certain tadpole and the publicity of your groups’ good deeds. People knew him here, or knew of him at least. They accepted him. And you were happy here, having grown up and lived in the Lower City before all of that illithid nonsense.

And he was grateful for your apparent familiarity with these streets as you led him around another corner, never faltering in your guidance. The sounds of (what he assumed to be) the ocean grew louder, and the breeze ever so slightly stronger. The night air is chilly of course, but nothing he’s not used to, not after his lamentable return to the shadows. 

You slow in front of him, stopping for a moment before you speak, “Okay, now be careful, we’re about to go down a few stairs,” you warn.

He’s about to make another quip about your foolishness before he feels you start walking again, slower this time as you descend. He’s slower still, taking his time to find each step before trusting himself to shift his weight.

“Almost there,” you reassure him, “Last one!” and his shoes sink slightly into sand. Right, so definitely the beach, then, he thinks.

“Honestly dearest, whatever it is you can just tell me,” he jests, “There’s no need for all the drama.”

“Hush you,” you respond, “Come along, just a few more steps.” You guide him along the sand until his feet step onto something more solid. “Okay, okay, and… open!” you exclaim.

Finally, he opens his eyes. He was right, standing on the beginning of a short dock he sees the ocean stretch out before him, as if the salt in the air hadn’t already given that away. The clear night sky allows the moonlight to reflect off the shimmering waves. But what’s less obvious to him is what lies directly ahead. Lining the dock are lit candles of every color, leading to a lovely little overwater-gazebo. You, never having dropped his hand, begin to lead him towards it, walking slightly in front of him on the way. He followed soundlessly, taking everything in as you ducked under the roof of the gazebo.

Sitting before him, was a cozy looking blanket, set with two glasses, a bottle of wine and a lovely vase of roses. All around you, lanterns hung from the rafters, illuminating the space in a warm glow. The light seemed to swim in your eyes. You took a seat on the quilt and looked up at him expectantly.

Hesitantly, as if his bones were made of lead, he lowered himself down, still looking to you for assurance, “What is this?” he all but whispered. 

You tilted your head slightly to the side and blinked at his question, Gods you were adorable. “What do you mean?” you half-laughed, “It’s a date! Do you like it?”

If he had to breathe, he’s sure the breath would have been cleared from his chest. All this, for him? The lights, the wine, the romantic setting? Surely it was too good to be true, you were too good to be true. He looked around, almost as if lost, and he noticed a furrow form between your brows, whether from concern or confusion he couldn’t tell.

“You did all this for me?” he breathed, slowly lowering himself to join you on the blanket.

“Of course I did. It’s just wine and a blanket, Astarion. You act like I’ve built you a palace, are you okay?” you finished on a concerned note, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

“Yes, I’m quite alright, it’s just… no one’s ever done something like this for me,” he explained, still looking out over the water.

“Oh,” you hesitated for a moment, “then I guess I’ll need to do things like this for you more often,” you finished with a cheeky smile, taking his hand back into your own and giving it a gentle squeeze.

He squeezed back, turning to lock eyes with you, “Gods, I love you. Have I told you that recently?”

“Hmmm, let me think, only every single day. But, you could tell me once more if you really feel like it,” you joked.

“I love you,” he stated. No frills, no embellishments, just love. Just you and him and the ocean. 

“I love you too,” you replied, closing your eyes and leaning forward for a kiss, which he eagerly supplied. Your lips were soft and light against his own. A slow, lazy thing between two people who had all the time in the world, and no one they’d rather spend it with. You gradually separated, and opened your eyes to meet his. The lantern light sparkled in your eyes. He'd never felt so loved, so valued.

You broke eye contact first, taking the bottle of wine you'd prepared and pouring two glasses.

"Shall we?" you asked, raising your glass.

"We shall," he agreed, lifting his own to clink against yours.

"To the first of many," you toasted.

The first of many indeed.

[goldsbitch]

Here I go again

part 4 to I gave so many signs

summary: Afternoon talks are harder than late night fucks.

warning: present + flashbacks, mentions of cheating and typos

song fic (disclaimer: rights belong to the respectable owners)

The Louvre - Lorde Mamma Mia - ABBA (shoot me, I heard an amazing slow piano version of it and got obsessed)

"We heard some noises on the stairway, were you alone?" her mom asked first thing in the morning. The irony that her mom would actually approve of Charles maybe a little too enthusiastically was not lost on Y/N. "Yeah, alone. Bit tipsy, so sorry about that."

Our days and nights are perfumed with obsession

He stared silently. Monitoring actions of his girlfriend and having absolutely clear on the mind what to say to her. Part of him wanted to leave the premise immediately. Part of him wanted to scream out his confession. Part of him was astonished that she absolutely did not acknowledge his absence - did she not notice anything? He must have had Y/N scent all over him, punching through the quiet living room. He wanted her to say something. But she just grabbed her workout bag and casually got to the gym. Left him there, bewildered. He wanted to feel guilty, but the lack of emotion from her part was making a really hard thing to follow through. Was he just an asshole? Or someone who forgot to get out of a relationship at the right time and lived in a stale water?

His now fully developed brain decided to jump on the train to the past and he spent his entire morning checking his phone for a text - and not from his girlfriend. For a man who slept about an hour last night, he was surprisingly fresh and energized. Must have been the three orgasms. A lighting of excitement ran through him whenever he came back to those. And there it finally was, his catalysis for a guilt trip.

I am your sweetheart psychopathic crush Drink up your movements, still I can't get enough

Mood swings were the one to rule Y/N's day. She felt like dancing around. Woke up to an empty bed, which was a shame, but it saved from potentially an awkward conversation, so maybe she actually appreciated the gesture. With a lazy day ahead of her, she could replay yesterday's night over and over all day. Rarely would the sun shine so brightly through her window. But - mood does swing. Even though he was the one to cheat, she was the one cursing herself over and over again. Not because she felt any sympathy for his girlfriend, on the contrary, the thought that this girl got to have, what Y/N only experienced for one night, anytime, was infuriating. Fuck any girl power bullshit, she was jealous and angry at herself for crumbling so easily. She had been happy, content, on the lookout for someone available to date for fun and maybe love. Not fucking with her old best friend only to develop a crush so massive her apartment felt small. Y/N was content yesterday morning. This morning, she was satisfied, and anything but content. And yet, she couldn't help but smile into her morning coffee, while trying to remain casual and normal in front of her family.

Blow all my friendships To sit in hell with you

"We need to break up," he found himself saying in the early afternoon. There was no plan from his side, no agenda about getting with Y/N or anything like that. He just had to get out of a relationship where he managed to be the cheater. The decision was suddenly so simple, just hard to execute. There were tears. Not his. Mutual understanding is the hardest thing to fake.

Y/N really tried to go about with her day, having lunch with the family, catching up and just generally free Sunday vibes. Only problem was that she was all over the place mentally - short attention span, distracted and having trouble keeping up with longer conversations. Head over in the clouds, fingers tapping nervously. In some ways, she couldn't wait to get back to he daily life in London filled with work and array of distractions. There was no hope for her in this town. Guilt and desire punching through her own integrity. It was in the late afternoon when disturbing messages appeared under Charles Leclerc tag on socials, which she monitored in every available moment. When she saw her own front door on one of the headline photos, that's when she lost it completely. Panic set in when she finally came to a photo that the two of them talking in front of the bar, with speculative headlines.

But we're the greatest, they'll hang us in the Louvre Down the back, but who cares? Still the Louvre

She sat in her room, tired, confused and lonely. Social media doomscroll it was then, trying to desperately ignore any photos of them. Her brain got stuck in a loop when she stumbled upon a slow piano cover of Mamma Mia. Not particularly her favorite song. But it spoke of everything she couldn't put a name on. Their joined history, the change of course, the inevitable return and the sudden urge to get it right this time. It was like being possessed. She had to act this time. At least let him know that she got it wrong the first time. She had loved him. The feeling was just so common in her life that she didn't recognize it only after it was gone.

Look at me now, will I ever learn I don't know how, but I suddenly lose control There's a fire within my soul

She had to see him and it had to be NOW. Powered by the lyrics praising delusion, she was not going to let it slip through her fingers this time. Not even sure his old number was still active, she called him, only to end up in a voicemail without any message. His private socials were deleted or replaced and she could't just walk over to his flat. His girlfriend would be there and the thought of it broke her heart. Was her current state of mind only make things explosive and worse for everyone?

There had been many times she'd let her chances pass her by.

So I made up my mind, it must come to an end

Only once she was standing before Charles's childhood home, ringing the bell, she realized that zero thought went to what she actually wanted to say to him. Fear hit her hard. Seconds turned into minutes and she realized that nobody was probably home. Heart sank low. What was there to do now? She had no idea where he to find him.

//

They'd walked together for hours. It felt so intoxicatingly refreshing after all those months of no contact. If one got lucky in life, they'd understand the type of connection that does not go away with time. But there was something different in the air that evening, as if their usual hang out spot, just above the town had a different vibe that day. She looked him in the eye and saw a look she's seen countless of times on his face. There was a shift in her mind and out of nowhere - what if the line got crossed? Would it be such an issue? She knew Charles would never make the first move. What if? Just to know how it feels. Curiosity got the better of her. This was not the first time she glanced at his lips, wondering what they tasted like. But she knew the feelings he might still have for her was something she could not respond to properly. The thought of hurting her best friend was stopping her from ever actually exploring this idea. But, what if? Just this one time.

Thousand of quick thoughts passed through her mind in that one moment - the last few seconds before they kissed for the first time. She was nervous, but it didn't show. Confidently put her hands on his chest, stepped on her toes and put her lips on his. If she was scared, he was borderline terrified. Never expected her to actually do it. Her warm lips touched his own, but he was still trying to process that her hands rested on his chest tenderly. Stiff and shocked seventeen year old boy stood like a rock, trying to catch up with what was just happening. Both of them have had their fair share of kisses and make outs with other people in their life, but this was one different. Somehow, it was harder to kiss someone who actually knew personal things about you. It was no romantic kiss, once Charles finally started to respond, both of them picked up quite a quick tempo and all of that was more close to a drunken teenage make out rather than an honest vulnerable kiss. And still, his soft lips felt really good, her tongue exploring his mouth was sending him to highs unexperienced before. Just as he started to relax and stopped fathoming what was happening, she pulled away. It was all too much, too real and scary for her unsure self. Afraid of loosing her fake confident mask, she had to stop before she lost herself in this. What even was this? She'd be leaving for university soon, so what was the point.

"Sorry," she said immediately and looked anywhere else but his eyes. Stepped back away from him in order to gain more socially acceptable distance. "I dunno, guess I hadn't kissed anyone in a while, so yeah... But this is wrong, sorry for that." There is heartbreak and then there is heartbreak. Charles felt betrayed, she didn't even give him a chance to kiss her properly. He wasn't ready, didn't expect it and now it felt like his one chance got slipped away from him. Once again, he stood there, frozen and processing. She couldn't stand silence. Scary thing to experience in a difficult situation. "I should not have crossed the line, we're really good friends and-" "No," he cut her off, not letting her play this game again. "That's not true and you know that. I never told you in person, which is a really coward move, but that's on me. But you know how I feel. That hasn't changed and I can't imagine it ever will." His words burned like hot sand. "You're right, yes," she replied quickly and wished she could just make herself invisible for a moment. This was all too much to handle. "And that's why I'm saying I'm sorry. I thought ignoring the subject would help you..." "Help me? Help in what, getting over you?" he had to laugh. Where did her delusion end? Was it truly endless? "I don't want that. Definitely not from you. I want you to open your eyes and give us a chance." One thing she couldn't stand was to be pressured to something and this was strongly resembling that. How could someone else try to say what she wanted when she herself wasn't sure?

"Charles, I can't. I need to leave this place and figure out who I am." "Why can't I be a part of that journey?" he said, broken once again. "We would only end up hurting each other and lose our friendship, can't you see that? I want you in my life permanently, so we can't date." "How does any of this make sense in you head," he replied bitterly. While she waved around these big concepts, the one intrusive thought he had was that she was just trying to avoid telling him, that he was just a bad kisser. Her gut was telling her to run away from this. How is one suppose to resist that? "Charles. This whole thing is a mistake. You don't love me and as much as I'd like to, I don't think I love you." The word think punched through Charles like a knife. She wasn't even sure of that... "Well that's it then," he said, knowing the last thing he wanted was to talk her into being with him and have her run to someone else at the first opportunity. He was trying to control the emotional cocktail mixing within him. Trying get his anger, disappointment and wonder lust in check. He tried to read her facial expressions, but the only thing he finally saw was a little girl running away from mature feelings. Suddenly, he understood. She wasn't ready and there was nothing for him to do with that. His job now was to work on his attachment to her, because relying on her was only blocking his own development.

"I think I should get going, big day tomorrow," he lied and waved awkwardly instead of their usual hug. "Yeah, you're right. I'm gonna stay here for a while, if you don't mind," she said and turned her attention to the stunning view on the mountains, sea and the city below them. To Charles, their favorite hang out spot was ruined. Forever the place where his worst kiss happened. His stomach turned at the thought of that and he knew he needed to get out of there and far away from her immediately. "See you when I see you," he said, walking away. She watched him, hoping the weight on her shoulders would disappear quickly. They didn't speak to each other for more than two years after that.

//

It was hard to believe, she only came to their favorite spot to reminisce about one of her greatest misjudgement and dwell in her sorrow. But, to her luck, he was already there, looking over at the sea as they had countless times together. Walking towards him felt like walking on a tightrope with the chance of falling down getting bigger with every step.

Mamma mia, here I go again My, my, how can I resist you? Mamma mia, does it show again My, my, just how much I've missed you?

Charles didn't come there to meet up with her. His intention was to run away, to clear his thoughts, come to terms with the fact he had just cheated on someone. Take in the feeling Y/N made him burn with last night. Like some sort of breakthrough - this was they were all singing about. This is why people were able to drop their while life and follow love. It was an old and new love at the same. And that created a complete mess in his head. But when saw a figure coming his way, he knew immediately that she chose this place as well. Charles hadn't been at their spot since the time they first kissed here. Unlike Y/N, who came here anytime she was back in Monaco. She truly didn't expect him to be here - but took it as a sign that there was no way but forward for her. She walked towards him and sat on next to him, joining the view he was getting lost in. No words were shared for the first minute.

Y/N found out only after her university years that physical communication was her way of expressing feelings. Words were a little too messy and hard to put together. So she reached over to gently put her hand over his. She felt him shake a little, but he kept his hand below hers. Which she took as a good sign. Charles was the one to break the silence. "I hope you won't have much trouble online. There are pictures of us circling around," he said bluntly. "I have a very average face, I think I'm good." Charles laughed at her response. "As if." She really wanted not to ask. But the words just slipped out of her tongue. "Will your girlfriend mind?" And immediately after that, she wanted to shoot herself.

Charles took a deep breath. Then smiled bitterly, because what else was there to do. "Do you think so low of me that I could stay with someone once I'd cheated on them?" "Every couple goes through a crisis..." Charles chuckled again. "Have you ever been cheated on?" "Yes," she did not have to think twice about that. "But strangely enough, it was a relief when it finally happened." "See, so you understand." They sat in silence again. There was a feeling in the air like rain was coming. Neither of them moved. "Are you sad about it? Do you regret it?" She took Charles of guard. "Look at you, asking the big questions. What happened to you?" "Grew up, you know. You're not the only one. But don't get me wrong...it's still very hard. Talking." "I can see that," he replied, somewhat amused by her red cheeks. "To answer your important question," he highlighted, making her feel like a school girl passing a test, "I guess I regret the fact I wasn't honest enough to myself before something like that has happened." Y/N got a sudden influx of insecurity. Could it be that he was just unhappy in his relationship and it wasn't about the two of them? She pulled away a bit. Charles picked up on that. But this time, he couldn't put himself on the line first again. Not after what she said all those years ago. "Regret is the worst feeling. I think." "Why would you think?" "It's really hard to get rid of it. It lingers. Stays on." "Is there something you regret?" Somehow, he knew the answer before she did. "Of course. Everyone does." "You're avoiding again." "I know. I am perfectly aware of that." "At least something has changed."

The mood shifted and there was no way back. Charles was about to push like he had never done before. "Y/N. Why did you come here tonight. And be clear, blunt and honest or just leave now. It's been confusing enough even without you." She did not expect him to talk to openly. But she came searching for him, to do the leap, so it was actually appreciated. She started speaking, very slowly. "Um. I was looking for you. Wanted to say...not sure what exactly, but...I guess to let you know that I'd changed my mind. And I understand, you're somewhere else in your life now. But I need you to know." One very impatient Charles spoke when she took a break to breathe. "Know what?" "Charles, you keep interrupting me! Let me just...you know." He nodded in understanding, amused by her giddiness. "I just need to say...When were young, I never realized that the connection we have is special and rare. Stupid as I was, I thought it was just normal and common. And I don't regret not dating you back then. I had to take some time to grow up and understand more about the world. But now I do - and even if you've moved on, I feel like I'm just about to get on this train." He took in everything she said carefully. Tried not to get to ahead of himself.

"Did you ever think of me? Or it this just because last night." This time, it was she who smiled with a sad undertone. Did she ever think of him? Her? Had she spent nights and more nights wishing he'd call? Had she walked aimlessly around Monaco just to run into him? Did she compare every guy she shared a bed with to the times Charles made her feel like she was the only one on this planet that he could see? "One would say it's alarming how often I come back to the days we spent together. How hard it is to be so raw with someone in the same way as I was with you." Charles was slightly overwhelmed by her words. "Look, Charlie, I don't want to put any pressure on you. I had many chances and blew them all. I get it. Just want you to know that this was not a random encounter with an old friend for me." She'd been so focused on the right words coming out, that she missed the moment when Charles got close to her, so his kiss that followed was a surprise to her. Soft and sweet lips touched hers and it was like a release from prison. This time, it felt so right and safe. She didn't want him to end this. But once he inevitably did, fear came in like an unexpected summer storm. Would he be as cruel as she had been back then? Sharing a kiss with her while knowing that he was going to break her heart?

He took a breath in order to speak again. She stopped him with her finger. For just a minute, she wanted to keep this moment intact. To have this possibility of him still having a trace of the love he once had and she now bared as well. "Charles, I know what you're going to say. I can taste the words in your mouth. Please, don't." "So tell me, what am I going to say?" She sighed, slightly annoyed with him pushing her. "You're going to say that you'd moved on and this was just to have some fun. And you know what? Maybe it really is for the better, it was never-" "And this time, I am really going to stop you," he said, staring deeply into her eyes. "It's even harder now that we're adults. I understand that, understand the hardship my lifestyle can bring to the ones closest to me...My love for you never left. Yes, it's way less destructive and I've come to peace with it. But I am also not a scared boy anymore. Y/N, I would like to see you again and not as a friend. I don't think you ever were my friend. But you need to brave and honest too this time. Are you ready for that?" "I want to have all the hardest conversations with you, even if that's all we'd be doing," she laughed, taking in the fact he did not reject her. "I sincerely hope we'll be doing more than that," he said and joined her in easing the tension. "Is this really happening?" she whispered, as if it was a dream. "Yes, I believe it really is."

Mamma mia, here I go again My, my, how can I resist you?

---------------------------------------------------------

@linnmee @itsjustkhaos @rhythmstars @blueflorals @janeholt3

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Bonus- Chapter 32

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

Yes it is 8 am and yes I am eating chicken gnocchi soup for breakfast. I stand that soup is and always will be a breakfast food.

No hot drinks today! This wedding required a feast :'3

I can't believe this is it! The series finale if you will.

I have been waiting 32 chapters for this moment. at last!!!

This man (SQQ) has been sleeping with this other man for what- months(?) years(?) at this point and he is STILL over here totally bewildered at the fact that LBH does not want to marry a woman. p355

This is kind of sweet though. I'm so glad Cang Qiong Mountain sect has embraced these two absolute weirdos. I love that they can visit now! It warms my romantic heart that they can travel for a while and then come "home" for a time. p355

omg these two are so embarrassing. The way in which LBH is asking him to marry him is so awkward. p359

oh no, now I feel like an asshole because LBH was SO NERVOUS the days leading up to him asking. (granted totally fair with how SQQ acts towards him/about their relationship- I too would not know if he wanted to actually marry me or not in this situation). I just want to pinch LBH's cheeks though, why is he so cute. p360

aaaaaah- this is so cute. SQQ being actually happy about him asking instead of trying to gaslight himself and side step his feelings or "reluctantly" agreeing to marry LBH pp360-361

my heaaaaaaaart LBH's confession pp362-363

The fact that LBH had wedding outfits ready. I need to know two things; 1. where/how did he get them and 2. how long has he had them and had this planned. p363

I truly don't know if MXTX has written a tender sex scene. Why does it always have to be a little traumatic? Granted I have only read SVSSS and MDZS BUT both of these series have either uncomfortable (SVSSS) or just have freak4freak energy (MDZS-but I will take this over crying and bleeding) there's never something soft and lubed. I hope that TGCH has something (no spoilers pls) but my bar is so low. (okay but wangxian was fine for the most part- they just were also dry and mutually unhinged). pp366-367

NO LOL the wife-ing of SQQ. p370

Okay okay- the ending was so sweet. The little shy embarrassed SQQ calling Binghe husband and him pretending not to hear. My headcanon is that eventually over time SQQ feels less and less embarrassed, works through his internalized homophobia, and learns to say what he actually feels more often. Even without my hopes and dreams, I still think this ending was such good character growth for SQQ.

Holy shit we did it!

Thank you to everyone who joined me on this reading journey. It has been so fun getting to read the books along with you and talk about the experience.

I am a little bit sad that it is over :'3

I do however, now have a pile of fanfic to start working through and am so stoked to continue this journey via fan works. Thank you, thank you to everyone who sent me fics to read!!

In terms of what is next- I will likely spend some time reading SVSSS fanfic- if I get to a point where like Wangxian, I have hundreds of fics in my collection, I may start recing Bingqiu!

BUT in terms of danmei, I am hoping to read TGCF next and round out my MXTX collection (likely end of December start)!

This has been such an amazing experience that I will continue to live blog future danmei series :)

Thank you thank you again!

[bbobpul]

break my heart again — njm

PAIRING. na jaemin x female reader SUMMARY. y/n has a crush on jaemin so she decided to dedicate her entire college life to him. GENRE. angst, fluff W/C. 3.5k NOTE. hi, i'm back with a jaemin au. please comment your thoughts and reblog (IF U WANT TO OKIE?) enjoy reading, babes.

╰⁠(⁠ ⁠･⁠ ⁠ᗜ⁠ ⁠･⁠ ⁠)⁠➝ my other works !!!!! part two

i find it hard to picture myself ever being as dedicated to something or someone again, just like how i dedicated my entire college life to na jaemin.

lately, i've been feeling like i forgot what it's like to actually have a dream. back then, na jaemin was my dream, he was my driving force. i would force myself to wake up so early in the morning just so i could see him (or his car) enter the gates of the university. i would go to school even though i am sick and feel a lot better when i get home because i saw na jaemin. but now two years after graduating, i still haven't found a decent job that i actually enjoy.

it's a common experience that many people go through, and i suppose i shouldn't complain about it. maybe i need to put in more effort and push myself harder. part of me wonders if having na jaemin back in my life would rekindle that same sense of dedication that i once had. but as i say these thoughts out loud, they sound absurd, even to myself. why would i wish for my first love to return just so i could find a decent job? why would i long for na jaemin to come back merely to feel that spark in my life again? it's puzzling why i'm even dwelling on thoughts of him and wondering if he holds the key to my happiness and success.

it feels like a constant struggle between my heart and my mind. i love na jaemin and i always will but a lot of things happened and a lot of things have changed.

na jaemin has caused significant damage to both.

first year, in third person's pov

"hi, jaemin from the architecture building! you look reaaaally cool ! have this cookie.

ps. i am a really good baker"

jaemin read the note with a bewildered gaze and furrowed brows. as she moved away from him and gradually disappeared into the distance, he observed her. she had given him something before this week, not for the first time. the start of college had only been two weeks, and in that brief time, y/n had been continuously giving jaemin presents. whether it was food, pencils, or a handkerchief, it was usually the delectable stuff she baked herself.

on the other hand, y/n ran to the lecture room with the big window as soon as she left jaemin's building. she was at the ideal spot to see everything, including jaemin, the person who held her heart and was also her first love.

because she saw her crush and gave him another gift, which he gratefully accepted, she was grinning widely, an 18-year-old young woman having a good day.

however, she isn't entirely certain of that. y/n never saw jaemin use or consume any of the things she handed him. she never did a second check. she is not creepy in that way. but she's not really that foolish. y/n has doubts about jaemin's ability to keep what she provides him. she is therefore gazing at him from behind the window.

cold and silence filled the empty lecture hall. warmth filled y/n, and she could feel her heart thumping loudly inside her chest.

jaemin stood there for a moment, clutching y/n's note in his hand. however, instead of keeping it or cherishing the gesture, he proceeded to walk towards the gardens beside his building, making his way towards the trash can and threw the note away. this unexpected action left y/n feeling puzzled and somewhat disheartened.

after discarding the note in the trash can, jaemin made his way back to his building. y/n's attention shifted as she observed a group of people approaching jaemin, engaging in a lively conversation with him. seeing him happily interacting with his friends brought a smile to her face, knowing that he was surrounded by good company.

however, her confusion resurfaced when she noticed jaemin handing the paper bag she had given him to one of the girls in the group. it left her wondering why he didn't keep the gift for himself and why he chose to give it to someone else instead.

'oh,' y/n thought to herself, 'at least he didn't waste the food i gave him.' despite her disappointment, she found solace in knowing that her gift, the one she had carefully prepared, wasn't entirely disregarded.

as she silently observed the scene, her heart raced with an intensity that almost drowned out all other sounds. the thumping in her chest echoed so loudly that she failed to notice the time. caught in the moment, she couldn't tear her eyes away as jaemin entered the lecture room in his building.

her mesmerizing watchfulness caused her to lose track of time, and before she knew it, she was late for her next subject. but despite the consequences, she couldn't help but linger a little longer, hoping to catch another glimpse of jaemin, the person who had unknowingly become the center of her world.

after what happened, y/n never stopped. she is the textbook definition of complete commitment. as long as na jaemin knows her, there is something in her that believes that na jaemin will learn how to love her.

second year

once again, life has taken many twists and turns, bringing about significant changes.

amidst it all, y/n's unwavering commitment and dedication to na jaemin remained steadfast, even growing stronger over time.

when she learned from his friends that he often skipped breakfast, relying solely on coffee, y/n's concern for his well-being took center stage. without a second thought, she began preparing packed lunches for jaemin, determined to ensure he didn't go through his days on an empty stomach.

this act of caring displayed the depth of her feelings and the lengths she was willing to go to look out for him.

on the other hand, na jaemin continued with his usual routine. upon receiving y/n's notes, he would read them briefly before tossing them away, seemingly unaffected by their contents. similarly, he would pass on the items she gifted him to any of his friends without much thought or consideration. it became evident that jaemin's actions were a stark contrast to y/n's heartfelt gestures, leaving her to wonder why her expressions of care and affection didn't seem to have a significant impact on him.

y/n is well aware of the reality of the situation, and she's not naive. however, a part of her still clings to the same belief she had back in her first year. deep down, she holds onto the hope that as long as na jaemin knows her, there's a chance he might eventually learn how to love her in return. despite the challenges and past disappointments, this glimmer of optimism persists within her heart, keeping her hopeful for a future that may yet unfold.

third year

"hey, jaemin," y/n had been practicing those two words for what felt like an eternity, or maybe three years. this would be the first time she'd initiate a conversation with him this year. in the past, they hadn't exchanged many words, and this might be the longest interaction they've had.

"i have a friend who's studying the same course as you, and he's very sick right now. i was wondering if i could borrow your notes for him?" she asked, putting on a friendly smile.

"who's your friend?" jaemin inquired after a few moments of silence.

"renjun. i'm sure you know him. he's a pretty outstanding student," y/n replied, maintaining her smile.

"uh, yeah. i don't have any notes right now since i'm headed somewhere, but i'll give them to you later," he said, scratching his head.

"can i get your insta?" jaemin suddenly asked, catching y/n off guard and making her flustered.

"h-huh?" y/n stammered, puzzled by his request.

"so i can contact you and give you the notes," jaemin explained.

"oh!" y/n exclaimed, finally understanding his intention.

jaemin handed his phone to y/n, and she quickly typed in her username. he then called her there to verify if it was correct, and when her phone rang, jaemin started to walk away, seemingly content with the exchange.

"i really thought it would be you," y/n murmured to herself, her disappointment evident.

despite feeling let down, y/n gathered her emotions and began walking towards the library, which lay three buildings away from her current location. as she strolled, her mind was preoccupied with thoughts about who gigi might be. y/n had a close circle of friends among jaemin's acquaintances, yet no one had ever mentioned anyone named gigi. this led her to ponder whether gigi was someone special to jaemin or simply a random person in their department that he asked to deliver the notes.

a smile tugged at the corners of her lips at the idea that jaemin would go to great lengths just to ensure she received the notes, even disturbing someone from his own class to pass them on when he couldn't do it himself.

but y/n soon chided herself for entertaining such thoughts, recognizing that she might be crossing into a realm of delusion. still, in the midst of her contemplations, there remained a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, jaemin's actions held a deeper significance.

y/n settled down on one of the bean bags near the entrance of the library, strategically positioning herself for gigi to easily spot her. despite being in the library now, her thoughts were still consumed by questions about who this mysterious gigi could be. she was aware that she shouldn't be dwelling too much on a stranger, but doubts had begun to creep in, even though she knew she shouldn't entertain them.

as she waited, her mind oscillated between curiosity and uncertainty, grappling with the urge to push these thoughts aside and focus on other matters. y/n was determined to keep her emotions in check, yet the enigmatic presence of gigi kept tugging at her thoughts, creating an internal struggle she couldn't entirely ignore.

y/n's thoughts were abruptly interrupted by a voice calling out to her, "hey, y/n, right?" it was gigi.

surprised but composed, y/n responded, "hi, yes. it's me."

gigi smiled and handed over the notes, saying, "here are the notes. i need to leave right away since i have somewhere to be."

"alright, thanks a lot. goodbye," y/n replied with gratitude, watching gigi leave as she contemplated the encounter and the enigmatic figure who had delivered the notes. the brief interaction only deepened her curiosity about gigi, leaving her with even more questions than before.

feeling all kinds of emotion, y/n put the notes in her bag and reminded herself to pass by renjun's apartment later to give it to him.

fourth year

as graduation approached for y/n, she couldn't help but feel a sense of urgency. with only one more year left for jaemin before he graduated, she knew this was her chance to go all out. this year, she continued her tradition of sending him notes and small gifts, but there was one significant difference - she finally had the courage to engage in conversation with him.

they had slowly transitioned into friends, and y/n couldn't be more thrilled. woohoo! it all began when she got his number after their third year ended. from that point on, they started going out for lunch once every two months. it wasn't a regular occurrence, only happening when they both remembered each other or when jaemin had free time from his monthly or weekly important errands.

despite the infrequent meet-ups, y/n cherished every moment they spent together. gradually, their bond grew stronger, and y/n treasured the gradual transformation of their relationship, hoping that this newfound closeness would eventually lead to something more.

this is the side of jaemin that y/n waited 3 and a half years for.

lunch it is.

the pattern had become all too familiar - na jaemin would meet with y/n for lunch, only to vanish afterward for reasons y/n couldn't quite fathom. he would claim that the demands of his architecture studies were intense, requiring months of unwavering focus. while y/n understood the challenges of his field, she couldn't help but sense that there was more to his absences than met the eye.

"Why does he need two phones anyway?" Y/n mumbled under her breath as she reached the table.

A sigh of relief escaped her when she spotted Jaemin's phone resting on the table, glad to see it wasn't lost or stolen.

"He's stupid," she grumbled to herself as she noticed his phone screen lit up. She instinctively reached for the phone, intending to turn it off. However, as she held it, her eyes couldn't help but wander to the conversation displayed on the screen - a conversation that unexpectedly caught her attention. Despite not intending to pry, the mention of her name within that conversation stirred her curiosity, prompting her to read further.

y/n was fully aware that what she had done was wrong on so many levels. she knew she shouldn't have invaded his privacy by reading that private conversation. however, strangely enough, she felt a sense of gratitude for stumbling upon the truth she never knew she needed.

the revelation hit hard: na jaemin was only with her out of weariness. he had grown tired of her and all her expressions of affection - the gifts, the packed lunches, and her feelings. it left y/n questioning herself, wondering if she had been too overbearing or intrusive. but she couldn't ignore the fact that na jaemin was straightforward, and she would have stopped if he had just told her to do so. y/n was always understanding and respectful of boundaries.

yet, the truth remained a bitter pill to swallow. it hurt to realize that she had been fooling herself, clinging to hope and misinterpreting his actions as genuine interest. now, faced with the reality of his weariness, y/n couldn't help but grapple with the thought of letting go and moving on, even if it meant relinquishing the connection she had longed for with na jaemin.

"y/n, sorry i took so long. it started raining outside," jaemin explained as he approached her. "why aren't you seated?" he asked with concern.

y/n quickly wiped her tears, trying to compose herself before facing jaemin. however, her tear-stained cheeks gave away her emotions, taking jaemin aback.

"i'm so sorry, jaem," y/n managed to say before turning away and walking off, leaving jaemin bewildered by her sudden departure.

instinctively, jaemin followed after her, his confusion growing with each step he took. he couldn't understand why y/n was upset, and his heart sank at the thought of having caused her pain. he needed to find out what happened, to make things right again.

in the pouring rain, jaemin continued calling out y/n's name until they reached the parking lot, both now drenched.

"sorry for what, y/n?" jaemin inquired, trying to understand her sudden distress.

"for everything," y/n hastily replied, her focus on locating her car in the vast parking lot.

"did something come up? do you need me to drive you there? y/n, please talk to me," jaemin pressed, genuine concern etched on his face.

"i don't need you to do anything, jaemin!" y/n retorted sharply, her emotions getting the better of her.

jaemin fell silent, taken aback by the intensity of her outburst.

"did i do something, hmm?" jaemin countered, trying to make sense of her anger.

"did i tire you out?" y/n asked, leaving jaemin even more puzzled.

"were the packed lunches annoying? did the gifts annoy you? you know you could have easily told me to stop if you hated it. but you kept accepting it, you kept accepting me!" her words poured out, tinged with frustration and uncertainty.

"what are you talking about?" jaemin asked, genuinely bewildered by her accusations.

"you could've easily told me to go away and forget my feelings. why did you have to lie to me, huh?!" y/n's voice cracked with emotion as she bared her heart, seeking answers that seemed to elude her in this turbulent exchange.

in that moment, y/n's anger felt misplaced and unjustified. she couldn't help but feel that jaemin had every right to be weary of her.

"did you read it?" jaemin asked calmly.

"i'm... i'm sorry. i know i shouldn't have," y/n confessed, her remorse evident.

jaemin got his answer. she had indeed read the private conversation. if it were someone else invading his privacy, he might have reacted with anger, but instead, he felt sorry and scared. not for himself, but for y/n. he worried that she might have misunderstood the context of the conversation and jumped to conclusions that could hurt her even more. despite the hurtful truth she had stumbled upon, jaemin couldn't bear to see y/n burdened by further pain because of it.

"y/n.. i'm sorry," jaemin started. the rain continued to drench the both of them. "i'm sorry if i'm only acknowledging your feelings now. i'm sorry for lying to you. but i can't. friendship is the only thing i could offer to you. i'm not capable of loving anyone, y/n. not right now."

"i'm sorry too, jaem." y/n looked into his eyes with so much pain seeing nothing but pity to her and now she felt more bad. one last look into the man she loves before leaving everything behind.

weeks after that

from the instant she started moving away, a sense of unease settled upon y/n. in the days leading up to graduation, doubt gnawed at her, as if the choices she had made over the past four years were suddenly cast into uncertainty, leaving her with a haunting feeling of investing time in something that might not have been the right path.

stripped of her sole motivating factor, all due to her own foolishness.

in a decisive act, she meticulously cut the threads that bound her to jaemin, even extending her detachment to a few of his closest companions. a profound sentiment of shame now courses through her veins, an emotion as palpable as the weight of those four years that has suddenly descended upon her. the relentless toil, the countless hours spent perfecting recipes and perusing stores, each instance accompanied by the whispered refrain, 'this would bring a smile to jaemin,' now lingers in the air, suspended like the remnants of a wistful dream, leaving her heart heavy with a sense of squandered devotion.

a few more days slipped by, and y/n couldn't shake off that familiar feeling. today was supposed to be a total high point, a day of triumph. but with all those self-doubts clouding her mind, she wasn't sure if she had the green light to party. that whole jaemin situation still stung, and it was like an unwelcome guest at her celebration.

amidst the sea of fellow graduates, y/n ascended the stage, the cheers of thousands echoing around her. as she stood there, a distinct yearning tugged at her heart, a search for something or someone that eluded her in that very instant. a mere glimpse would have sufficed to fill the void she felt. yet, she was aware of the futility, for the one she sought, jaemin, was not among those donning the graduation cap this year. a year still separated his own moment of triumph from hers.

y/n returned home that evening, burdened by an unseen weight in her chest. little did she realize that the heaviness would escalate the instant she crossed her apartment threshold and unlocked her phone. it was as if the weight could transcend reality, threatening to plummet through the floor, shattering tiles and disrupting the tranquility of the neighbor residing below.

what unfolded before her eyes was a paradox, an unexpected contradiction to the jaemin who had shattered her heart. there he stood, unreservedly embracing a sense of love and joy, his beaming image accompanied by the words, "four years, finally. congrats!" the sight was jarring, a stark contrast to the version of him she had come to know. in that moment, it became painfully evident that the subject of the image was not her, nor would it ever be.

"guess you're capable of love after all," y/n mused inwardly, a bitter smile tugging at her lips as she stared at her phone.

fast forward two years, and it hit her like a ton of bricks – that was the moment of clarity. the very point where she finally untangled herself from him, and in the process, freed her own heart. she figured out something pretty straightforward: love wasn't some rare skill, it was just a matter of who you're dealing with. and right then and there, it struck her like lightning that jaemin was never going to be the one for her.

back in the mix of it all, two years back, she made a pact with herself – one day, she'd break free from the cycle of falling for him. she harbored a hope, a wish for the future: that someone, someday, would come along and love her just as fiercely as she had loved him.

————————————————————————————

part two :)))))))

[bubbipond]

OK but why am I seeing on Twitter and Tumblr people saying that Tonkla did not love Korn as much as Korn loved him?? Did we watch the same show? Let’s not act like Korn was boyfriend of the year. Tonkla didn’t just wake up one morning and decided to be a murderer. He also didn’t force Korn to also cheat on him??? Korn was choosing his family and the life he lived his whole life over love the entire time. You can argue that love wasn’t more important than revenge to Kla but you can’t argue that he didn’t love and care about Korn or vice versa.

He literally took a bullet for him. He did not have to do that. He knew his time was running out. You don’t do things that Tonkla did in this show and expect to live happily ever after. In my opinion, they had the most realistic end to a dark series. You can love someone and want to be with them, but fate not be in your corner. They were both in retrospect too deep into their individual lives to not die and I find that extremely heartbreaking. To be honest if two people deserve a happy ending it was probably them because their issues were not entirely made by them. Their situations were directly influenced by other people (technically so was Greats but he ended up happy so).

But I feel like deducing everything between Korn and Kla to just a revenge plot is a lack of critical thinking. I know that’s a buzz word and I’m not just saying that because throughout the airing of the series I have been like, “I support Kla’s wrongs and his rights”. But instead, I am saying this because he and Korn are not their actions. They are who they are because of other peoples actions. Kla couldn’t move on with his life after his brother died because there was no justice. He definitely needed therapy and he should not have been going around murdering people or attempting to. But that was a direct Issue stemming from his brother’s death. Korn didn’t want to be the head of the family. He didn’t want to be a crappy brother or a crappy boyfriend. He didn’t want to marry that girl whose name escapes me.

And at the end of it, they were both willing to look at each other and be like you know what!? We are Thelma and Louise, we are Bonnie and Clyde. In the most tragic ways possible. I think that’s the reason they kind of stole the last episode. All of their shit was out there. Neither one of them were cowards and neither one of them were good people. Maybe they were at one time but life and the choices they made changed that. I think their end was perfect because they both succeeded and failed at their motives at the end of the day. Neither one was where they were in the beginning at the end of it all.

Marrying that woman wasn’t going to miraculously make Korns life easier. In the end, she cut her losses anyway. The marriage didn’t help her at that point. So where did he have to go? The revelation that Kla was the one to shoot Great and that Great was part of his brother’s murder didn’t diminish how they felt about each other. It just complicated everything. Attempting to murder the people responsible for his brother’s death didn’t bring Kla solace. It didn’t bring his brother back and if anything it just made life shittier. At the end of the day, there was no out for either of them. They would both still have to pay for things they did and did not do. So even though their story ended, they still had a better ending. They still love each other despite the tough situation they were in.

My favorite part of that last scene is Bas’ facial expressions when he hears everything from Kla. He’s not heartbroken, or angry, he’s not bewildered, Or jealous. He’s all of the above and you can see it written on his face so perfectly. Bas really knows how to show emotion on his face and I love him for that; especially the mix of feelings between the revelation and him pointing that gun. He wasn’t questioning whether or not Kla loved him because what did Kla have to gain from keeping him around at the point of him running? This man was exhausted. He was tired of everything and everyone he was tired of the cards that they all have been dealt up until that point. He knew pointing that gun was a bad idea. But their backs were against the wall and there was nothing left to lose. Until there was. He had to watch the love of his life take a bullet for him. So I will not sit here and let people act like Kla was this master manipulator who only wanted revenge.

Because the saddest part about all of this is, it was just a very unfortunate circumstance that intertwined Great and Dome.

[muiitoloko]

I swear, I live for your Eli fics. 😔💗

Title: Forbiden love

Summary: He was yours and you were undeniably his.

Pairing: Eli Michaelson × Fem! Reader

Warnings: Smut, forbidden love, self-criticism, fear, abandonment, guilt and possessiveness.

Author's Notes: I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed the story! Your feedback means a lot to me and I am grateful for your continued support. And now speaking of my portrayal of Eli Michaelson, I must confess that I may have taken some creative liberties and deviated slightly from his original character. I recognize that this departure may not be perfectly in line with how he was originally portrayed, and for that I apologize. However, I hope the story still resonates with you despite these changes. Thank you for your understanding and for allowing me the creative freedom to explore different aspects of the character.

First part here.

Eli finally broke the kiss, a soft sigh escaping his lips as he leaned back slightly, his fingers gently caressing your cheek. He gazed into your eyes, a mixture of desire and admiration reflected in his own. Despite his typically stoic demeanor, there was a hint of vulnerability in his expression as he savored the moment.

Your lips, swollen and inviting, beckoned to him, and Eli couldn't resist the urge to lean in once more, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead before speaking. "My apologies, darling," he murmured, his voice low and husky with desire. "It seems our little indulgence has caused me to neglect something rather important."

He gestured towards the back seat of the car, where a grocery bag containing a tub of ice cream sat forgotten. "It appears my ice cream is melting," he remarked, a hint of amusement tugging at the corners of his lips. Your confusion only served to amuse him further as you looked at him quizzically.

"Yes, indeed," Eli confirmed with a nod. "Ice cream. A mundane necessity, but one that mustn't be overlooked." He chuckled softly, the sound warm and genuine as he reached for the bag and retrieved the tub of ice cream.

And Eli, driven by his impulsive desires and fueled by the allure of the forbidden, wasted no time in taking charge of the situation. Ignoring any semblance of propriety or restraint, he declared his intentions with a confidence that bordered on arrogance.

"We're going to eat ice cream in your apartment," he announced, his voice commanding and authoritative as he met your bewildered gaze with an unwavering stare. Before you could protest, your mind reeling with a mixture of guilt and confusion, Eli had already taken action, stepping out of the car with the tub of ice cream in hand.

You watched in stunned silence as he locked the car with a casual flick of his wrist, the gesture oozing with an air of entitlement that left you feeling increasingly uneasy. As he strode towards the entrance of your building, you couldn't help but feel a sense of trepidation creeping into your heart.

Following in his wake, you fumbled with the key to your apartment, your mind racing with a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. This was wrong, you knew it deep down in your bones. Eli was Barkley's father, and you had no business entertaining him in your home.

But despite your reservations, you found yourself unable to resist his magnetic pull, drawn to him like a moth to a flame. As you entered your apartment, the weight of the situation settled heavily on your shoulders, a sense of unease gnawing at the edges of your consciousness. Despite Eli's assurances, you couldn't shake the feeling that this was all wrong, that you were crossing a line that should never be crossed.

"You know, Eli," you began, your voice trembling slightly with apprehension. "I don't think this is a good idea. You're Barkley's father, and... and we shouldn't be doing this."

To your surprise, Eli's response was not what you expected. He turned to you with a look of genuine sincerity, his usually stoic expression softened by a hint of vulnerability.

"You're right," he admitted, his voice surprisingly gentle. "I shouldn't have put you in this position. I promise you, I won't do anything you don't want. I just... I just wanted to spend some time with you. To talk, to... to eat ice cream."

His words caught you off guard, and for a moment, you found yourself at a loss for words. Despite his flaws and his questionable behavior, there was something undeniably earnest about Eli's demeanor, something that stirred a sense of empathy within you.

Taking a deep breath, you nodded slowly, a flicker of trust blossoming within your heart. "Okay," you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "Okay, let's eat ice cream."

As you retrieved two spoons from the kitchen, you couldn't help but notice the way Eli's gaze lingered on you, his eyes tracing the curves of your body with a mixture of longing and admiration. But instead of feeling uncomfortable, you found yourself strangely comforted by his presence, a sense of warmth spreading through you like a gentle embrace.

Returning to the living room, you handed Eli a spoon with a tentative smile, your fingers brushing against his in a fleeting touch that sent a shiver down your spine. He accepted the spoon with a grateful nod, his lips quirking into a small smile as he presented the tub of blueberry ice cream with a flourish.

"Blueberry ice cream," he announced with a hint of excitement, his eyes sparkling with anticipation. "My favorite."

As you settled onto the couch next to him, you couldn't help but marvel at the simplicity of the moment, the way in which the tension between you seemed to dissolve in the warmth of the shared experience. Despite the complexities of your relationship and the uncertainties that lay ahead, you found solace in the simple act of enjoying ice cream together.

For Eli, the realization that he had managed to keep his promise and resist the urge to make a move on you filled him with a strange mixture of pride and confusion. It was a rare moment of introspection for a man who prided himself on his unwavering self-assurance, a glimpse into the depths of his own psyche that left him feeling strangely vulnerable.

Was he getting old, he wondered? Was this the onset of a midlife crisis, a sign that he was losing his edge and succumbing to sentimentality? Or perhaps, just perhaps, there was something more profound at play, something that defied rational explanation and defied the boundaries of his carefully constructed reality.

As he glanced at you from the corner of his eye, his heart fluttered with a strange mixture of longing and uncertainty. You were a mystery to him, a tantalizing enigma that defied categorization or definition. And try as he might to resist the pull of your allure, he found himself inexorably drawn to you, like a moth to a flame.

As you glanced down at your spoon, a pang of guilt washed over you. Barkley also loved blueberry ice cream, and here you were, sharing a moment with his father that should rightfully belong to him. "You know," you began, your voice tinged with remorse, "Barkley loves blueberry ice cream too."

Eli's spoon froze midway to his mouth, his expression growing solemn as he fell silent. His usually sharp gaze softened, clouded by a flicker of introspection as he processed your words. You couldn't help but wonder if he felt guilty too, if he shared your remorse over the undeniable intimacy of the moment.

But when you turned to him, seeking reassurance or understanding, Eli remained silent, his lips pressed into a thin line as he withdrew into himself. It was as if a shutter had fallen over his emotions, masking his true thoughts and feelings behind a façade of stoic indifference.

"Barkley doesn't deserve you," Eli finally muttered, his voice tinged with bitterness. "Today only confirms that."

"It doesn't matter, Eli. I don't deserve Barkley either," you whisper, your voice trembling with emotion. "I'm such a... such a bitch." you put the spoon aside and brought your hands to your face, feeling like the worst human being in the world.

Eli's expression softened even further, his eyes reflecting a mixture of empathy and concern. With a gentle touch, he removed your hands from your face, his touch surprisingly tender despite his usual aloof demeanor.

"You're not a bitch," Eli insisted, his voice firm and unwavering. "Don't ever say that about yourself." His words were like a soothing balm to your wounded soul, offering a glimmer of solace amidst the turmoil of your emotions.

But despite his reassurances, you couldn't shake the overwhelming sense of guilt and shame that threatened to consume you whole. Tears welled up in your eyes, cascading down your cheeks in silent streams of remorse as you struggled to contain the flood of emotions raging within you.

Eli's hands remained a comforting presence against your face, his touch a tangible reminder of the fragile connection that bound you together in this moment of vulnerability. And as he wiped away your tears with gentle strokes of his fingers, you couldn't help but feel a flicker of warmth stir within your heart.

"Why do you care?" you whispered hoarsely, your voice trembling with uncertainty. "Why do you care if I'm hurting?"

Eli's response was immediate, his gaze unwavering as he met your eyes with a fierce intensity that took you aback. "Because I... I don't know," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I've never felt like this before. I've never cared about anyone's well-being other than my own."

His confession hung heavy in the air between you, a stark reminder of the depths of his emotional turmoil. And as you gazed into his eyes, you couldn't help but wonder what had brought him to this moment of revelation, what had sparked this newfound sense of empathy and compassion within him.

But before you could voice your thoughts, Eli pressed a finger to your lips, silencing your protests with a gentle gesture. "Let's pretend this never happened," he murmured, his voice tinged with regret. "I'll go away and leave you alone. Just... just don't cry."

You reached out to him, grasping his hand in yours with a desperate plea for reassurance. "But I don't want you to go," you confessed, your voice raw with emotion. "I don't want to be alone."

Eli's eyes softened at your words, a flicker of understanding passing between you as he gently brushed away the tears that stained your cheeks. "Then don't let me go," he whispered, his voice barely audible above the pounding of your heart. "Stay with me."

But even as you clung to him, desperate for the fleeting comfort he offered, you couldn't shake the nagging sense of doubt that gnawed at the edges of your consciousness.

And as you tried to protest once more, your words stumbling over your lips in a desperate attempt to convey the magnitude of the situation, Eli silenced you with a kiss. His lips crashed against yours with a fervent intensity, erasing any semblance of resistance as he poured his emotions into the passionate embrace.

Fuck wrong, he thought, his mind clouded with a tumultuous whirlwind of conflicting emotions. He had never felt like this before, never experienced such a visceral reaction to another person. Was this what being in love was about? Did he fall in love with you?

The realization hit him like a bolt of lightning, sending shockwaves of panic and confusion coursing through his veins. Love was a foreign concept to Eli, a weakness he had always scorned and dismissed as beneath him. And yet, here he was, grappling with the overwhelming certainty that he was utterly and irrevocably in love with you.

But even as the revelation settled like a heavy weight on his chest, Eli couldn't help but recoil from the truth. Love was a vulnerability, a weakness he couldn't afford to indulge in. It was a betrayal of everything he had ever believed in, a betrayal of the cold, calculating persona he had spent a lifetime cultivating.

Why was he hurting so much? Why did seeing you suffer make him suffer too? The questions echoed in his mind, taunting him with their relentless insistence. He had always prided himself on his emotional detachment, on his ability to remain unaffected by the pain of others. And yet, here he was, consumed by a turmoil of emotions he couldn't begin to comprehend.

As he broke the kiss, his breath ragged and uneven, Eli gazed into your eyes with a mixture of longing and anguish. "I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry for everything."

But before you could respond, before you could make sense of the maelstrom of emotions raging within you, Eli kissed you again, his lips hungry and demanding as he sought solace in the fleeting embrace. And in that moment, as you surrendered yourself to the overwhelming tide of passion and desire, you couldn't help but wonder if perhaps, just perhaps, there was hope for the two of you yet.

But as the kiss deepened and the world fell away around you, a sense of unease lingered in the back of your mind. Eli was Barkley's father, a fact that couldn't be ignored or dismissed. And no matter how deeply you cared for him, no matter how much you longed to be with him, there were lines that should never be crossed.

As you reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, your heart heavy with guilt and uncertainty, you couldn't help but meet Eli's gaze with a mixture of fear and longing. "I can't do this," you whispered, your voice trembling with emotion. "We can't do this."

But even as you spoke the words, a part of you knew that they were futile, that the bond between you and Eli was stronger than either of you could ever hope to resist. As he kissed your jaw, his lips tender and insistent, he murmured softly, his voice tinged with a mixture of longing and regret. "Send me away, darling," he pleaded, his breath hot against your skin. "Tell me to leave, and I will go. I promise."

But you remained silent, your heart torn between conflicting desires as you struggled to make sense of the tumultuous emotions raging within you. Eli's words hung heavy in the air between you, a silent plea for absolution that went unanswered as you grappled with the weight of your own desires.

Undeterred by your lack of response, Eli continued to shower you with kisses, his lips tracing a path down your neck with a relentless determination. He leaned into you, his body pressing against yours as he urged you to lie back on the couch, his touch igniting a firestorm of need within you that threatened to consume you whole.

With each fleeting caress, each tender kiss, Eli knew that he was pushing the boundaries of propriety and decency. He was the one who had pursued you, who had chased after the forbidden fruit with reckless abandon, knowing full well the consequences of his actions.

But in that moment, as he gazed down at you with a hunger that bordered on desperation, Eli couldn't bring himself to care. He wanted you, needed you, with a ferocity that defied reason or rationale. And if it meant crossing lines that should never be crossed, he was more than willing to pay the price.

As he slid his hand up the length of your thigh, his touch sending shivers of pleasure coursing through your veins, Eli felt a surge of triumph swell within him. You were his, body and soul, and nothing would stand in the way of claiming you as his own.

"Send me away," he whispered once more, his voice barely audible above the pounding of your heart. "Tell me to leave, and I will go. But if you ask me to stay..."

"Kiss me," you interrupted him, your voice barely above a breathless murmur. "Please, Eli, kiss me."

And in that moment, as the world fell away around you and the boundaries between right and wrong blurred into obscurity, Eli's resolve crumbled like sand slipping through his fingers. With a low groan of surrender, he captured your lips in a passionate embrace, his kiss a fervent declaration of desire and longing.

As his hands roamed freely across your body, tracing the curves of your silhouette with reverent awe, Eli couldn't suppress the surge of possessiveness that coursed through him. You were his, he realized with a fierce determination that bordered on obsession. And no matter the consequences, no matter the cost, he would do whatever it took to make you his own.

For better or for worse, he was yours, and you were his. And as he kissed you with a fervent intensity that left him breathless with longing, Eli knew that he would do whatever it took to keep you by his side, no matter the cost.

In that moment, as the world faded into oblivion and time stood still, Eli found himself lost in a whirlwind of emotion unlike anything he had ever experienced before. Love, desire, longing... they all merged into a single, overwhelming sensation that threatened to consume him whole.

But as he clung to you with a desperate intensity, as he poured his heart and soul into the kiss that bound them together in a tangled web of passion and desire, Eli knew one thing for certain.

He would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Eli moaned against your mouth as you arched beneath him, your clothed core rubbing against his cock that was already straining in his pants. 'Fuck, when was I ever turned on by just one kiss?' he thought, his mind clouded with desire as he struggled to maintain control.

He looked at you, eyes dark with desire as he questioned where your bedroom was, and you chose to show rather than tell. Getting out from under him, you stood up, taking Eli with you. And Eli followed you eagerly, the ice cream forgotten on the coffee table in front of the couch.

You entered your bedroom, and Eli looked around curiously. Your bedroom was quite tidy and small, but that didn't matter at that moment. You sat on the edge of the bed to take off your heels, and Eli did the same with his own shoes, not being in a hurry to undress.

But he stopped for a moment after taking off his shoe, placing a hand on your thigh as he questioned if you had condoms. You nodded, going to get a box from the bedside table drawer, saying that you use them with Barkley. But when you mention Barkley, you feel guilty again, and Eli interrupts you.

"Don't think about Barkley now," he murmured, his voice husky with desire. "Just you and me, darling. Just us, here and now."

With a soft sigh, you pushed aside your doubts and fears, surrendering yourself to the overwhelming tide of passion and desire that threatened to consume you whole. And as Eli leaned in to capture your lips in a searing kiss, his touch igniting a firestorm of need within you, you knew one thing for certain.

There was no turning back now.

As Eli undressed, carelessly tossing his clothes aside, you watched him with a mixture of admiration and desire. His physique was impressive, he was not a muscular man but was attractive with hair on his chest. But it was when he revealed himself completely, with his thick, throbbing length on display, that you couldn't help but gasp in amazement.

He ran his hand along his shaft, his touch sending shivers down your spine as you watched with rapt attention. It was like watching a masterpiece come to life before your very eyes, each stroke a brushstroke in the canvas of your desires.

With practiced ease, Eli rolled a condom onto himself, the latex sheathing his hardness in a barrier of protection. And as he turned to you, his eyes dark with desire, you felt a thrill of anticipation coursing through your veins.

"It's time to undress you, my darling," he murmured, his voice husky with longing. And with a tenderness that belied his usual arrogance, Eli began to strip you of your clothing, each garment falling away like the layers of an onion, revealing the treasure hidden within.

As he peeled away the last of your clothing, leaving you bare and vulnerable before him, Eli's gaze lingered on your form with an intensity that took your breath away.

"You have no idea how much I fucking dreamed about this," he admitted, his voice raw with emotion. "I imagined you, I touched myself thinking about you. And now, to see you here, beneath me, it's more than I ever dared to hope for."

And with that, Eli bent down, his lips trailing a path of fire across your skin as he worshipped every inch of your body with reverent devotion. When he took one of your breasts into his mouth, sucking and nibbling with a hunger that left you trembling with desire, you couldn't help but moan his name, your pleasure echoing in the quiet confines of the room.

You grabbed his hair, chanting his name in a breathless whisper as Eli's lips curved into a wicked smile, relishing in the power he held over you. With deliberate slowness, he teased and tormented you with his lips and touches, each caress igniting a wildfire of desire within you.

He played you like a finely tuned instrument, his every move calculated to drive you to the brink of madness. And as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear, his words a symphony of seduction, you found yourself falling deeper and deeper under his spell.

"Tell me," he demanded, his voice low and husky with desire. "Did you dream about me? Did you think about me, even when you were with Barkley?"

Your cheeks flushed crimson with embarrassment at his probing questions, but you couldn't deny the truth. "Yes," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "I thought about you more times than I care to admit. Sometimes, even when I shouldn't have."

Eli's smile grew even more smug at your confession, a self-satisfied smirk playing at the corners of his lips. "Naughty girl," he purred, his tone dripping with amusement. "Thinking about me when you were with Barkley. You've been a bad, bad girl, haven't you?"

But instead of feeling ashamed, you felt a thrill of excitement coursing through your veins at his words. There was something undeniably thrilling about being caught in his web of desire, about surrendering yourself completely to his dominant will.

And as Eli continued to lavish you with kisses and touches, tormenting you until you begged for more, you found yourself unable to resist his magnetic pull any longer. "Please," you whimpered, your voice hoarse with longing. "I need you. I need to feel you inside me."

With a predatory gleam in his eyes, Eli finally relented, his desire matching yours with an intensity that left you breathless. "Spread your legs for daddy," he commanded, his voice rough with desire. "Wrap your legs around my waist, and let me show you what you've been missing."

You couldn't help but gasp in surprise at his choice of words. "Daddy?" you questioned, uncertainty flickering in your eyes. "Is that... is that okay?"

Eli just responded nonchalantly, his smirk never faltering. "I'm used to being called that by younger women," he admitted, his voice dripping with arrogance. "But if I could choose, I prefer my title to be used: Doctor. However, I don't mind indulging you in your little fantasy."

You nodded, not bothering to respond as you eagerly wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer. Eli wasted no time, sliding into you with a smooth, deliberate motion, his movements fueled by raw desire.

As he leaned closer to you, his hands on the sides of your head, you couldn't help but let out a soft sigh of pleasure. "Doctor," you whispered against his ear, the word feeling strangely illicit on your tongue.

Eli shuddered at the sound of his chosen nickname, his control slipping slightly as he cursed under his breath. "Fuck, that's... that's sinful," he groaned, his voice husky with desire. "Shit, what are you doing to me?"

But instead of answering, you simply tightened your grip on him, urging him deeper with each thrust. And as he buried himself completely inside you, you couldn't help but moan his chosen name again and again, each utterance driving him to the brink of madness.

"Oh, Doctor," you whimpered, your voice filled with need. "Please... I need more."

With a feral growl, Eli complied, his movements becoming more urgent and desperate as he sought to satisfy your every desire. He continued fucking you with an intensity that bordered on savage, his every thrust hitting all the right spots with unerring precision. As he watched you beneath him, moaning and squirming in ecstasy, a smug grin spread across his lips, his narcissistic side coming to the forefront.

"Fuck, you're so tight," he growled, his voice rough with desire as he buried himself deep inside you. "You like that, don't you? You like being filled up by Doctor Michaelson's big, thick cock."

Your breath hitched at his words, a shiver of pleasure coursing through you at the sheer arrogance of his tone. But even as you struggled to maintain your composure, Eli's relentless thrusts drove you ever closer to the brink of ecstasy, your body trembling with need.

With each thrust, each deep, primal growl that escaped his lips, Eli seemed to revel in his power over you, his dominant nature on full display. And as he leaned down to capture your lips in a bruising kiss, his hands roaming freely across your body, you surrendered yourself completely to the overwhelming tide of pleasure that threatened to consume you whole.

"Harder, Eli," you whimpered, your voice barely above a desperate plea. "Fuck me harder, I need it. I need all of you."

Eli's eyes darkened with lust at your words, a feral grin spreading across his lips as he complied with your request. With renewed vigor, he pounded into you with an intensity that left you breathless, your senses reeling from the sheer force of his desire.

"You want it rough, huh?" he taunted, his voice dripping with arrogance as he drove himself deeper and deeper into you. "You want me to fuck you like the dirty little slut you are?"

Your cheeks flushed crimson at his words, a mixture of shame and desire flooding through you at his brazen display of dominance. But even as you struggled to maintain your composure, Eli's relentless assault on your senses left you trembling with need, your body aching for release.

With each thrust, each delicious moment of agony and ecstasy, you felt yourself spiraling closer and closer to the edge, your orgasm building with an intensity that bordered on unbearable. And as Eli's movements became more urgent, more desperate, you knew that you were teetering on the brink of oblivion, on the verge of surrendering yourself completely to the overwhelming tide of pleasure that threatened to consume you whole.

And then, finally, it happened.

With a primal roar of ecstasy, you felt your climax wash over you like a tidal wave, your body convulsing with pleasure as Eli continued to pound into you with an intensity that bordered on savage. And as you cried out his name in a breathless whisper, your voice lost in the throes of passion, you knew one thing for certain.

You were his, completely and utterly, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

And as you arch against him, your body trembling with the force of your orgasm, Eli holds you close, his strong arms wrapped around you in a comforting embrace. He whispers soothing words in your ear, his voice a gentle murmur against your skin as he calms you from the storm of sensation that threatens to overwhelm you.

"You're doing so well, my little slut," he murmurs, his words a soft caress against your ear. "Just let go, give in to the pleasure. You belong to me now, completely and utterly."

With a contented sigh, you sink into his embrace, basking in the warmth of his touch as he holds you close. But even as you revel in the afterglow of your climax, a sense of anticipation lingers in the air, a hunger that refuses to be sated.

Eli turns you over, positioning you on all fours on the bed, your body trembling with excitement as you await his next move. He grips your hips firmly, his touch possessive and commanding as he positions himself behind you, his cock throbbing with anticipation.

With a low growl of desire, Eli plunges into you with a single, powerful thrust, filling you to the brim with his hardness. You gasp in pleasure, the sensation of him stretching you to your limits sending shivers of ecstasy coursing through your veins.

But Eli shows no mercy, his thrusts relentless and unforgiving as he pounds into you with an intensity that leaves you breathless with need. You grip the sheets of your bed tightly, your nails digging into the fabric as you struggle to hold on to your sanity in the face of such overwhelming pleasure.

And as Eli's balls slap against your clit with each thrust, sending shockwaves of pleasure rippling through your body, you can't help but moan like a wanton slut, your cries of ecstasy filling the room with their sweet melody.

"Yes, yes, just like that," you whimper, your voice a breathless moan of pleasure. "Fuck me, Doctor Michaelson, make me yours."

Eli's grin widens at your words, his eyes gleaming with triumph as he claims you as his own once more. He grips your ass tightly, squeezing and kneading the flesh as he pulls you closer, his desire consuming him completely.

"You're mine, all mine," he growls, his voice rough with desire. "I'll never let you go, my little slut. You belong to me, body and soul."

And with that, Eli drives into you with renewed fervor, his thrusts growing more desperate and urgent with each passing moment. And as you feel yourself hurtling towards the edge of oblivion once more, you can't help but revel in the overwhelming bliss of surrendering yourself completely to his dominant will.

As the intensity of your lovemaking reaches its peak, Eli's movements become more frantic and desperate, his hips driving forward with a primal urgency that leaves you both teetering on the edge of ecstasy. With a guttural groan, Eli spills himself into the condom, his release accompanied by a deep, resonant moan of your name that reverberates through the room.

You collapse onto the bed, spent and sated, Eli following suit and falling on top of you with a satisfying weight that leaves you breathless. For a moment, you revel in the intimacy of the aftermath, the heat of his body pressing against yours in a comforting embrace.

But soon, Eli pulls out of you, his softening member still wrapped in the condom as he rolls onto his back, his chest heaving with the effort as he catches his breath. You snuggle into his side, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat as he pulls you closer, his fingers tangling in your hair as he strokes your curls with a tenderness that surprises you, making you fall asleep against his chest.

As Eli stared up at the ceiling, his fingers absentmindedly tracing patterns in your hair as you lay nestled against his chest, your breathing slow and steady as sleep claimed you. He knew this was his chance to slip away, to leave behind the tangled mess of desire and longing that had consumed them both in the heat of the moment.

He had already taken what he wanted, had tasted the forbidden fruit of your passion, and now he could simply walk away, leaving you to deal with the aftermath on your own. It was what he had always done in the past, after all. Take what he wanted and move on, with no regard for the consequences.

But as he looked down at your peaceful face, your skin glowing with the remnants of your lovemaking, Eli couldn't shake the feeling of unease that gnawed at him from within. Why did the idea of walking away from you bother him so much? What hold did you have over him that made him hesitate, even now?

Gently pulling away from you, Eli laid you down on the pillow, his gaze lingering on your sleeping form as he contemplated his next move. What would he do with you now? Would he turn you into his pet, his plaything to be used and discarded at his whim? The thought sent a shiver down his spine, both thrilling and terrifying in equal measure.

But as he caressed your cheek with a tenderness he hadn't known he possessed, Eli realized that he couldn't bring himself to treat you like just another conquest. You deserved better than that, he knew it deep down in his soul.

But why was he hesitating so much? If it were anyone else, Eli wouldn't have even given it a second thought before leaving. But with you, it was different. With you, everything was different.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Eli ran his hands through his hair, feeling more confused by a woman than he had in years, maybe even never before. The thought both intrigued and frightened him, stirring up emotions he had long buried beneath layers of arrogance and self-assuredness.

But as he removed the condom from his shaft and made his way to the bathroom to discard it, Eli couldn't suppress the arrogant smirk that tugged at the corners of his lips. Once again, he had won. He wanted something, and now he had it, like always.

But as he stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, a nagging voice in the back of his mind whispered words of doubt and uncertainty. Was this really what he wanted? To use you and discard you like yesterday's trash?

No, he realized with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. You deserved more than that. And maybe, just maybe, so did he.

With a heavy sigh, Eli made his way back to the bedroom, his heart heavy with the weight of his own conflicting emotions. He knew he couldn't stay, couldn't give you what you deserved. But he also knew that he couldn't simply walk away, not without at least trying to make things right.

And so, with a sense of determination that surprised even himself, Eli leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering against your skin for a moment longer than necessary.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know what I'm doing. But I promise, I'll figure it out. For both of us."

As Eli started to pick up his clothes from the floor and get dressed to leave, he froze when he heard you moving in bed, waking up softly and calling for him. He hesitated, torn between his desire to stay and his fear of the consequences of his actions. But before he could make a decision, you spoke up, your voice tinged with bitterness as you realized that Eli was preparing to leave you behind like nothing more than a one-night stand.

Desperation clawed at your heart as you watched him dress, your mind racing with a million questions and doubts. Would he really just leave you here, alone and abandoned, without a second thought? Were you nothing more than a fleeting moment of pleasure to him, a distraction from the monotony of his existence?

Eli's response was evasive, his words carefully chosen as he tried to placate your growing anger and frustration. But as you pressed him for answers, demanding to know what his intentions were, Eli's patience began to wear thin.

"What the fuck do you want from me?" he snapped, his voice tinged with frustration. "I told you, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm confused, okay? Can't you see that?"

But your anger only intensified at his dismissive tone, your fear and insecurity bubbling to the surface as you lashed out in frustration. "Confused?" you scoffed, your voice trembling with emotion. "You think you're confused? Try being in my shoes for a fucking second, Eli. You waltz in here, make me fall for you, and then expect me to just let you walk away without a second thought? What the hell kind of game are you playing?"

Eli's eyes narrowed at your accusation, his jaw clenching with barely contained anger. "I'm not playing any games," he growled, his voice low and dangerous. "I came here looking for one thing, and one thing only. And now that I have it, I'm leaving. End of story."

But as he moved to leave, you couldn't suppress the surge of anger and betrayal that welled up within you, threatening to consume you whole. "So that's it, then?" you spat, your voice dripping with venom. "I'm just supposed to let you walk out that door, without a backward glance? Is that what I am to you, Eli? Nothing more than a disposable fuck toy?"

Eli's expression softened slightly at your words, a flicker of guilt flashing in his eyes. But before he could respond, you continued, your voice trembling with emotion.

"I'm scared too, you know," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "Scared of what this means, of what will happen if Barkley finds out. But I can't stop thinking about you, Eli. I can't stop wanting you, even though I know I shouldn't."

For a moment, silence hung heavy in the air between you, the tension palpable as you both grappled with the weight of your emotions. But then, with a soft sigh, Eli moved to sit next to you on the bed, his hand reaching out to gently caress your cheek.

Eli's hand trembled slightly, his touch hesitant and uncertain. "I... I don't want to leave," he admitted softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "Part of me... part of me wants to stay, to be with you. But..."

He trailed off, his gaze dropping to the floor as he struggled to find the right words. "But you have to end things out with Barkley first," he continued, his voice tinged with sadness. "I can't... I can't share you, not with him. I won't share you, not with anyone, especially not my own son."

You felt a surge of emotion welling up within you at his words, a mixture of relief and longing washing over you like a tidal wave. He chose you, you realized with a sense of awe and wonder. Despite everything, despite his arrogance and self-assuredness, Eli chose you.

You reached out, taking Eli's hand in yours and squeezing it gently, your heart pounding in your chest as you waited for his response. But instead of returning your gesture, Eli tensed at your touch, his hand pulling away from yours as if burned.

"Why are women always so complicated?" he muttered under his breath, his frustration evident in his tone. "I just want... I just want to go out and think. I just want... damn, I don't know what I want."

You could see the uncertainty in his eyes, the conflict raging within him as he grappled with his own emotions. Part of him wanted you, you realized with a pang of sadness, but the other part of him was afraid of getting too attached, too involved.

You sighed, feeling the weight of his indecision bearing down on you like a leaden blanket. "Okay," you said softly, your voice trembling with emotion. "If you want to leave, then go. I won't stop you."

Eli looked at you in surprise, his brows furrowing in confusion as he called your name hesitantly. But you ignored him, your heart heavy with disappointment and hurt. "Just go," you whispered, your voice barely above a whisper. "I won't stop you. I won't blame you. I won't expect anything from you. Let's just forget..."

As all this happened, you turned around and laid down with your back to Eli, burying your face in the pillow as you fought back tears. You couldn't bear to see him go, couldn't bear the thought of being abandoned by him so callously.

Eli stood still for a moment, his gaze lingering on your bare back as he struggled with his own conflicting emotions. He sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "Damn woman," he muttered under his breath, his tone laced with frustration. "Fine, I'll stay. But give me some of the covers, will you? I'm freezing here."

You turned around in surprise at his words, your heart skipping a beat as you realized that Eli hadn't left. He had chosen to stay, chosen to face the challenges that would come with you. And in that moment, a weight lifted off your shoulders, replaced by a sense of relief and gratitude.

"Thank you," you whispered, your voice filled with emotion as you reached out to share the covers with him. "Thank you for staying."

Eli just grumbled in response, his facade of indifference slipping slightly as he settled down beside you. But despite his gruff exterior, you could see the warmth in his eyes, the flicker of something genuine that he couldn't quite hide.

He cared about you. He was in love with you.

With a surge of emotion, you threw your arms around him, holding him close as you whispered words of love and gratitude into his ear. And as you melted into each other's embrace, you knew one thing for certain.

Eli might be complicated, he might be arrogant and self-centered, but he was yours. And you were his.

Together, you would face whatever challenges lay ahead, hand in hand, heart to heart. For in each other, you had found something worth fighting for, something worth holding on to.

Eli continued to grumble as he shifted uncomfortably in bed, the chill of the room seeping into his bones and sending shivers down his spine. "If we're going to be together, you'd better invest in a better heater," he muttered, his tone gruff with annoyance. "It's freezing in here, you know."

You couldn't help but laugh at his complaint, the sound echoing softly in the quiet of the room as you snuggled closer to him. "I'll make sure to add it to the shopping list," you teased, your voice laced with amusement. "But for now, why don't we just share body heat? It's much more efficient."

Eli rolled his eyes at your suggestion, but he didn't protest as you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close until there was no space left between you. And as you pressed yourself against his warmth, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against your chest, you couldn't help but feel a sense of contentment wash over you.

Maybe things weren't perfect, maybe there were still challenges to face and obstacles to overcome. But in that moment, wrapped in each other's arms, you knew one thing for certain.

You were home.

[doodle-pops]

A Love That Burns

Celegorm x reader

Request: I'M SO GLAD YOU OPENED THE REQUESTS NONNY!!!!!! You are an absolutely wonderful writer, I eat every one of your writing like the best steak ever🥺🥺 I live for angst, so👉👈 Can i request a fem!reader x celegorm or carantir? Reader is the human wife of one of our angry boys, and although she loves her husband very much, she still feels insecure in relationship with the elf because of societal prejudices(( And the boy is tired and doesn't want to deal with anything and the reader has been subjected to some taunts and tries to tell her beloved about it(( But doesn't have time and her elf snaps at her and they fight a lot... And this hothead forgets to control his stupid mouth and says he regrets marrying the reader((((( Of course he didn't mean it, but now he still has to deal with the consequences of his words and his lovely wife's low self-esteem(( Happy or unhappy ending, your choice! – anon

A/N: This was different from what you requested anon, and I’m terribly sorry. I do despise not writing what someone requested, however, I got lost in the writing because it was ANGST, a beloved theme of mine. I did try my best to stay on the part of the dispute and angst theme, but the reasons were entirely different from what you described. Apologies in advance, yet I hope you all enjoy it!

Warnings: heavy angst, breakup, dispute, mentions of Tyelko’s physical altercations, hurt/no comfort or happy ending

Words: 2k

Synopsis: You've decided after years of following the leader, to make your own stand and create a new path in your life.

As you stormed into the cosy room, the door slammed shut behind you, capturing the attention of your husband. He sat there, aloof and unperturbed, even though the anger coursing through your veins was impossible to miss. You shot him a fierce glance, and he casually raised a wine glass to his lips before turning his attention back to the dancing flames in the fireplace. Curiously, Huan, his loyal companion, was absent from the room this time, offering you a rare moment of solitude to confront the silver–haired, nonchalant elf.

With the room now yours alone, you felt liberated to unleash a torrent of fury and horror upon your husband. “You certainly left your mark today,” you seethed, your voice dripping with suppressed rage as you rifled through the closet, yanking clothes from drawers and shelves. Celegorm’s back remained turned, allowing you to carefully plan your approach without escalating the impending argument prematurely.

A scoff escaped his lips, followed by an eye roll and a leisurely yawn. It was a familiar scenario, one that played out every time he committed some outrageous act that grated on your sensibilities. Tonight was no exception. He seized the opportunity to make it a grand spectacle, leaving some unfortunate young elf languishing in a jail cell, beaten and bruised. While his actions might have warranted a more measured response, your husband was hardly one to concern himself with propriety when his adrenaline surged.

“I’ve always had a knack for leaving a lasting impression, my dear. It’s part of who I am; you ought to know that by now,” he retorted with a snide undertone. He exuded an air of regal charm and charisma as he spoke, seemingly immune to the consequences of his deeds, convinced that they were merely lessons in “respect” and “superiority.”

A surge of disgust welled up inside you as you shot a sidelong glance at him while continuing to stuff your clothes into his hunting bags. His utter lack of self–awareness and compassion left you bewildered. The Celegorm you had once known, a carefree, compassionate, and admittedly stubborn elf, seemed like a distant memory. Well, the stubborn part was still very much intact, but the night he had sworn that ominous oath had marked a turning point. It was as if you had witnessed the elf you once loved killed a part of himself, only to be reborn as a living nightmare. At times, you had even tried to convince yourself that this transformation was a necessary response to the darkness lurking in the world.

Day after day, night after night, you made promises and excuses for his behaviour. “He’ll change, he’ll change. This isn’t truly him,” you chanted to yourself after every heated confrontation. Yet, Celegorm had a knack for shattering your hope and turning it into a cruel mirage. You had lost all your friends, and any family who had wished to reach out had distanced themselves, fearing Tyelko would turn their presence into yet another issue. Jealousy had never been an issue before, nor had paper–thin insults. Things that could have been brushed off and ignored were now carefully nurtured by him, allowed to fester and destroy your life.

You were utterly alone, with even his presence feeling non–existent.

“It’s quite fascinating how your idea of making a lasting impression involves beating up those who dare to voice their whimsical comments. Must you inflict harm upon people for their veiled statements?” you snapped, unable to contain your thoughts any longer, your frustration with his demeanour finally bubbling over.

“Are you still dwelling on about that?” he retorted, irritation lacing his voice as he tightened his grip on the wine glass, causing a hairline crack to snake its way along its delicate surface.

Furious and fed up, you flung the clothes onto the ground, your anger and frustration boiling over. You spun around and shouted at him, “Yes, I am! And I won’t apologise if it bothers you, since you never bother to do the same for me!” Your inner turmoil had reached a breaking point, and you longed to shake some semblance of compassion into him. His obliviousness to the pain his thoughtless actions caused you only added more fuel to the fire. “All you ever do is harm people for senseless reasons and act as if no one should ever dare to criticise your actions!”

Growing tired of craning his neck and straining his ear to hear your grievances, he abandoned the sofa and turned to face you. He remained by the fireplace, enjoying the warmth it offered. He stared at you with his piercing forest green eyes, a silent warning that seemed to say, “Choose your words carefully.”

“No one has the right to speak about my family and our actions! They have no idea what we’re going through—”

“Well, I do, because I live it every day with you, and your methods of releasing your frustrations are unbearable!” You yelled in frustration, your voice rising in pitch. “I’ve tried to help you, and you’ve pushed me away, so now you resort to displaying your insecurities.”

“Insecurities?!” His right eye twitched, and he strode across the room to confront you, his fists clenched in frustration. His bewildered expression betrayed genuine hurt at your accusations, as if he couldn’t fathom you taking jabs at his struggles. It was a side of you he hadn’t expected; you had always been the compassionate and thoughtful one. “How is me defending you and my family from naysayers an act of insecurity?”

He shifted his weight to his left leg, his hips rolling in a display of astonishment. You locked eyes with him, your anger still burning as he threw a seemingly irrelevant question your way, acting as if he had no knowledge of the answer. He had witnessed your slow withdrawal from him and his circle, even from his family, but he seemed oblivious to anything beyond power, glory, and the oath. The Tyelko you once loved and grew with had faded away, and it wasn’t just the oath that had changed him; his true ambitions had rendered your presence obsolete, especially if this was the outcome of your arguments.

“Tyelko,” you began with an exasperated sob, “I’ve loved you for so many years, through thick and thin. I stood by your side even when your father was wrong, and I was foolish not to see it. I endured the silent suffering of Formenos, standing with you through your transformations. You think I wouldn’t recognize your insecurity? You only lash out when things don’t go your way to make yourself feel better.” Tears welled up in your eyes, and a few escaped, staining your clothes. Ignoring his judgmental gaze, you lowered your head to wipe your eyes and nose, sniffling as a mixture of tears and snot streamed down your face.

“That still doesn’t explain anything,” he snapped.

Casting him a look of disbelief, you realised that explaining this to him like he was a child was futile; he refused to see your perspective. “You’re becoming just like your father in the later years of his marriage, and I’m forced to walk in your mother’s footsteps. I have no friends left because of you; they’re terrified you’ll harm them if they speak up about my new life. I’m lonely, and you’re not listening. I take part of the blame for following you, but you...you’re tearing apart the rest of my life.”

“They’re not your friends if they’re worried about me making advances,” he retorted, his tone dripping with an air of self–righteousness, as if he had just uttered the wisdom of the ages. “But seriously, how am I ruining your life when I’m just clearing away obstacles?”

A surge of rage erupted within you, the lid of your patience finally blown off, and your words spilt out uncontrollably. “Because you never listen to me! You always believe what you’re doing is for the best, even when I’m clearly unhappy! I’m lonely because you drive everyone away; you don’t offer me the comfort and support you used to! You dismiss my concerns, telling me I’m complaining too much or that I’m a bother. You pick fights with anyone who disagrees with your family’s actions, and it terrifies people! I can’t go on like this anymore, and I’m exhausted!”

He stood there, silent and immobile in the doorway, his face contorting in a mix of confusion and disbelief. His expression seemed to ask, “What are you saying?” as he gingerly placed the wine glass on a nearby shelf in the closet. He opened his mouth to respond, but then hesitated, a deep frown furrowing his brow as he watched you spin around and begin gathering the clothes scattered on the floor, stuffing them into a bag. “W–What are you doing?” he stammered, his voice tinged with concern.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” you groaned, forcefully shoving another set of clothes into the bag, your frustration evident. “I’m leaving. This life here isn’t for me.”

Your words hit him like a ton of bricks. Leave? You couldn’t be serious. Your home was with him, your lives were intertwined, and the idea of you leaving him was incomprehensible.

Stumbling forward in a state of shock, he cried out in anguish, “Y–You can’t leave me! We’re married, we have a bond, a life together! You can’t just abandon me! Tell me this is some kind of cruel joke, my love?” Your silence only fuelled his panic, pushing him toward hysterics. He knew that when you fell silent, it was a grave sign of your seriousness, and the waves of displeasure and dissatisfaction coursing through your bond were tearing him apart. He wanted to reach out and shake you, but he had no idea how you’d react.

“Y/N, please answer me, darling? I beg you, tell me you’re not leaving, that you’re just taking a break, perhaps some time away in the cabin?” His voice was filled with anguish and guilt, only now realising the gravity of your pleas as reality crashed down upon him.

You breathed heavily as you continued to gather your belongings, doing your best to avoid eye contact with his anguished performance. Where was this reaction when you first voiced your concerns? “I have every reason to leave, Your Highness. Removing myself from your presence is what I need, and I hope it brings me peace.”

“No! You can’t leave me. I—I love you! Can’t you see that? All those fights I got into defending you from insults and harm, it was because I love you! There was more to them than what meets the eye!” He pleaded with a heavy burden of guilt and regret, willing to get down on his knees if it meant you’d stay, but his pride seemed to hold him back.

Finally gathering all your belongings and slinging the bags over your shoulders, you didn’t bother changing into travel clothes. You’d do that later at a tavern along the way. As you moved toward the exit, Celegorm’s presence blocked your path. “I—…You have every right to be upset with me right now, and I know this, but… Give me a chance, just one chance to make things right! I can change.”

“Why didn’t you change before when you had the chance, instead of now?” He stood there, mouth agape, speechless. “I’ve had wonderful moments with you for most of my life, but these last few years have tarnished everything. And as much as I blame myself, you bear a share of responsibility. Now, step aside and let me leave in peace.” With that, you pushed past him, determined to embark on a new chapter of your life, leaving behind the turbulent past that had brought you to this point.

You didn’t spare him a glance, even though your heart ached with the weight of your decision. It was a wonder how his mother had managed to stand her ground and leave his father, but now you understood what separation felt like. You weren’t sure whether you wanted to leave your heart at the doorstep or cast it aside entirely. All you knew was that making the right decision for the betterment of your life was a painful, but necessary, choice. You only prayed that you would manage successfully on your own without crumbling to the floor.

Masterlist

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[steddiealltheway]

(IMPORTANT NOTE: this was supposed to be ABSOLUTE CRACK for Ruth’s birthday ((happy birthday @kurtkankle)) but this Heartstopper x Steddie Stranger Things crossover turned out to be surprisingly wholesome at the end. SO if you want to completely ignore the crack, replace Dart with Mews and… maybe it’s better. And Ruth… you’re the only person who could get me to post this instead of keeping it in my drafts.)

Charlie goes to Nick’s house, thinking only of his strong rugby arms. Instead, he’s greeted at the door by a pet that isn’t Nellie.

“Nick. What the fuck is this?” Charlie asks, bewildered at the creature weaving it’s way through nick’s legs.

Nick smiles and picks the creature up. “This is my cousin’s pet, Dart. I’m taking care of him for the next week.”

As if the creature knows that Nick is talking about him, it unhinges its multiple jaws and screeches.

Charlie stares at it for a few moments before deciding that maybe he can go without Nick for the next week. But then he sees someone come into view over Nick’s shoulder.

“I’m Steve,” the hottest American man Charlie has ever seen says, sticking his hand out toward him.

“H-hi,” Charlie responds taking his hand back and shaking it.

“I hear you’re Nick’s closest rugby lad,” Steve says with a big, clueless smile.

Charlie laughs nervously. “Yep, that’s who I am.”

Nick stares at him awkwardly and invites him inside. Charlie takes one glance at Dart and hopes he doesn’t bite his face off. Luckily, he keeps to himself and follows Steve into the living room as Charlie and Nick got to Nick’s room.

They “study” for about an hour before the door slowly creaks open, and in comes Dart excitedly. But then Steve follows him quickly, bashfully looking up at Nick and Charlie who haven’t had time to untangle themselves from each other.

Steve looks between the two and smiles softly. “You two remind me of me and my good friend Eddie.”

Charlie and Nick glance at each other and silently debate asking Steve more. Nick is the first to speak up, “Steve, are you and Eddie… dating?”

Steve scoffs. “No, we’re just really good pals.”

“Who… kiss sometimes?” Charlie asks, confused.

Steve nods with a big smile on his face.

Nick sits up and crosses his arms. “Is this… an American thing?”

Steve shakes his head. “No, no. This is a me and Eddie thing.”

Charlie nods and leans over to Nick whispering, “And how do you know him, again?”

“He’s practically my cousin’s older brother. He’s staying here while Dustin stays with the rest of his friends.”

Charlie nods, still confused about the situation, before returning his gaze to Steve. “Steve… do you… think about kissing him often?”

“All the time. It’s my ‘Roman Empire’ as Dustin says.”

Nick and Charlie exchange another look before Nick squeezes Charlie’s shoulder and says, “I got this.”

Charlie watches as Nick carefully approaches Steve and puts a gentle hand on his back, leading him down the hall and prompting, “So, tell me more about your friend Eddie.”

Charlie sits back and glances to his right where Dart is curled up on the floor next to Nellie, wondering if this tops the most confusing moment of his life, ranking even above getting Nick Nelson as a boyfriend.

A few minutes later, he wanders down the stairs, easily picking up on the conversation.

“I’m… in love with Eddie?”

Nick is quick to say, “I’m not saying you are, I’m just telling you it’s okay to like both men and women. But maybe you are in love with him.”

There’s a brief silence before Steve says, “I think I am.”

Charlie peaks around the corner where Nick is sitting at the dining room table across from Steve, with a small smile on his face. “I know it can be confusing, but think on it over the next week. And I’ll be here if you have any questions.”

Steve runs a hand through his hair and leans back in his chair. “God, I miss him.”

“I can’t imagine going a week without seeing Charlie.”

Charlie’s heart skips a beat at the comment, and he wonders if he should stop intruding on this moment.

“So you two are… going out?” Steve asks carefully.

“Yeah, we are,” Nick answers with a proud smile.

Steve smiles back, a look of contentment settling over his face as if realizing if Nick and Charlie could do it, so could he.

Charlie steps on a creaky part of Nick’s house, and the two glance up at him. Nick holds him arm out invitingly and Charlie is quick to join him in the offered embrace.

Steve runs his hands over his face and laughs, “I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before. Robin has been giving me looks for weeks, and I haven’t been able to read them. She kept telling me she couldn’t tell me what it was about until I realized it for myself. It all makes sense now.”

“And Robin is…?” Charlie asks.

Steve smiles brightly and is quick to ramble about his best friend, and Charlie shares stories about Tao in return.

Eventually, Steve’s phone starts buzzing, and he’s quick to excuse himself, cheeks turning red as Eddie Instagram handle lights up his phone.

As he walks away, Nick and Charlie glance at each other again and smile gently. Nick laughs, “Do you think that’s how people saw us when we were first getting together?”

Charlie smiles. “I think we may have been much worse.”

“Or much better honestly.”

Down the hall, they hear Steve argue, “Yes, I know you don’t have an international phone plan. I’ll pay for your bill. Yes it’s important! No, it’s not the kids. No it’s- Eddie. Eddie, I’m in love with you!” There’s a pause and a heavy sigh before Steve continues, “You are not buying a plane ticket to London when you can afford an international phone call. This is not a debate!”

Nick squeezes his arms around Charlie and whispers, “Yeah, we were definitely better.”

“Why are they like this?” Charlie laughs.

Nick laughs in response as they continue listening to the disastrous conversation, glad that they helped someone else have their similar happy ending.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Nocorro in honeymoon phase

That it.

One waking eachother up with a kiss, dancing in the forest until the can't stand up anymore, having s*x every night, cuddling, talking 99% of the other when they are with others.

Censoring the word sex is such a tiktok thing, I'm cackling, you are making me feel old and I am not old, I'm still baby.

But you are barking up the RIGHT tree with me right now, I am D E S P E R A T E for some happy Spider content right now. I have been itching for a cute little Spider romcom fic for a long time now. I want like 50 chapters of just like, barely any stakes love story. You know that 90 chapter Aonunete fic that's been going on forever? I want that but for Spider. I want some cOMFORT from this fandom, please and thank you.

I have like seventeen aus I'm begging someone to write, thanks!

But the nocorro honeymoon phase to me is so hard fought, it comes after so much adversity. Because I live in the accidentally mated world, or the world where even when nocorro were supported and loved for their relationship, Spider was taken right after, they didn't get to have their honeymoon phase when they should have.

I've mentioned before that I am obsessed with Na'vi mating and bonds and the implications of it all. I've read fics were when the bond is fresh, it's important to be with your partner to help settle the new feelings and solidify the bond. I am simply obsessed with the idea of nocorro being forced to be apart during that time. What does that do to a new bond?? I feel like nothing good. I'm thinking like, a version of homesickness to the point of pain or physical illness.

So the reunion and the honeymoon phase would be CRAZY. Like, inseparable. They can't even be out of sight of the other without getting a little freaked out, a little separation PTSD. They would be disgusting. Kiri just wants to catch up and have a deep chat with her best friend but Neteyam is breathing down her neck like a contestant on the Bachelor like "Sorry to interrupt, can I steal him for a second?" Ronal is just trying to check Neteyam's wound, and Spider is just literally so close to him she can't even move without smacking him.

Also, no one ever talked to Spider about mating or bonds because even if it's a version where he's loved and cared for, no one wanted to hurt him by talking extensively about things no one thought he could have in front of him. So he's just entirely bewildered and a slave to all his weird emotions.

Thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about this idea I've been salivating over, good ask anon, GOOD ask.

[earlgreytea68]

in my feels about so much for stardust tonight shes such a gorgeous album. i wish more ppl appreciated her..... my starry eyed love <33

I do think she's very much appreciated by the fandom, afa I can tell, and in a way I think that's mostly what the boys care about at this point, that we're with them still and that we loved it and felt it and got it. Like, honestly, I'm not sure they ever expect that and I'm not sure that's why they made the album but I am sure that they have been absolutely delighted for the past fifteen months that we all showered the album in so much love and affection.

I am with you that I am completely bewildered it didn't get more love from people outside of the FOB circle. Like, just bewildered that I didn't even see a lot of major outlets even cover it. I would say they're just not a big enough band anymore to garner notice, except even that seems like it depends on the metric you use to measure it. I see a ton of coverage of a lot of bands that are playing much smaller venues than Fall Out Boy is able to play, so it's more a metric of, Idk, radio play???

Or maybe just a function of "for whatever reason, the powers that be in the industry have never been big on Fall Out Boy." Which I think feels true to my very limited expertise in any of this. They're an easy punchline for people. I think all the time of the time I mentioned them to a friend while wandering through a farmers' market and a guy literally had to swivel his head around to interject into my conversation how terrible a band Fall Out Boy is, and I was just like, ........this is wild, how much they're despised, that you need to mansplain this to me, a stranger you've never met, in a crowded farmers' market. ANYWAY.

I am no music critic, so I can't actually judge good or bad music (although I do think I can judge a little bit good or bad lyrics, having a degree in English during which I read tons of poetry). So Idk why Stardust didn't get more love from other people! Since I think the album is start-to-finish genius! But I am glad it got love from the people it got love from, and that the boys know all about it, and got to have an incredible tour around it during which they got to feel all of that love, and whatever to the haters. I am still so happy, and feel so lucky and fortunate, that I lived through Fall Out Boy releasing another album and it was this one. Just amazing.

[a-minke-whales-tale]

A Terrible Night

I have slept terribly this night. Confusion, anger, anxiety, bewilderment. It is as though much of my reality has crashed upon me and I do not understand.

I work as a lecturer for a university. I am consistently praised by other lecturers, students, and my bosses for the work I do, the projects I have created. I am an excitable and passionate teacher. I really love to teach. I have created cool and exciting projects, developed new programs, and I really put a lot of heart into my work. I was finally useful to the humans, I was finally a good animal like they wanted.

I know layoffs can happen, and I know they happen all the time. It is so common to hear among academia that after your two contracts they do not renew again to make you permanent. But I guess I never expected I would be one hit.

In my mind I exist merely to be useful to the humans. I was allowed to work finally, to have my own life. I continued to be good and each step allowed me further, first to live outside a hospital, and then to work and have my own life and money and home. And it was my being good that allowed me to have that.

So when the school took me in to work for them, in my mind, I now belonged to them, they were now my humans and I was to obey and be useful to them.

Now the humans say there is not money enough to keep me, too much uncertainty with the education cuts from the government and fears about money so many years down the line. When they first told me I thought they were joking. But no, they are serious. I thought I had found a place among the humans, I was useful, and I generally enjoyed my work. I did not mind to put in the additional work sometimes because these were my humans and I believed they cared about me. They said my work was valuable, and that they were happy with me. But if that were really true, the humans would have fought to keep me.

They say it is not a mark on my performance but these were my humans, I belonged to them and was useful to them, no different to any laptop or any other piece of equipment, just they had to give me numbers that would pay for my enclosure and care and fish. I was allowed to have a life of my own because I was finally useful. But I was not useful enough for the humans to keep. My best was still not good enough for my humans. I feel betrayed, and in a way that I do not know the humans can understand. They were my humans, and I was a good animal, or I tried to be, and now I am left bewildered and confused as they pushed me out of their auto and onto the side of the motorway and sped off.

I suppose now if I want to stay in my home, I need to find a new place to be useful to the humans. I loved to teach, but what happens now? If I teach elsewhere will the humans discard me again when I am no longer convenient? Can I even be useful to the humans in a more normal job?

I believed I had finally found security, a place to call home. That I wasn't further going to be passed from aquarium to aquarium. That until it was time I would either be returned to the water, or rejoin the others in the current, this would be my home and my function. But now... I do not even know what I am.

Maybe that is just how things have to go, I will be passed around by the humans from aquarium to aquarium like a lot of cetaceans are. Many might even declare themselves to be my forever home until I am no longer convenient for them and they send me to a new aquarium. Maybe someday I will have a home forever. Maybe someday I can actually be good for the humans.

[cadet-aviator]

Clarity (3)

I wasn’t able to breach the subject for weeks. Things went their normal way – school, drill, different kinds of training in the barracks, constant work at home to keep my uniform and my school work in perfect order, inspections almost every day.

A routine which deepened itself, in my life, in my whole personality, I think. The longer it went on, the less I questioned it, the more I became the boy the Army wanted me to become - and that was exactly the boy I wanted to be.

My Dad got used to it too. It was just everyday reality, by now. It had been years since I had worn anything other than uniform. I never asked for new sneakers or new hoodies. He never had to tell me to get a haircut, or do the dishes.

I was never late for things, my school grades were fine.

He had almost forgotten that he had objected to being called ‘Sir’; he did forget, sometimes, that I wasn’t allowed to sit without him telling me to, specifically. It was almost comical, at times, him settling down for dinner, with me standing there – he’d start on his food and then he’d look up, a bit bewildered to see I hadn’t joined him, and only then would he say ‘Sit down, son…’. 

And I have to add that he did appreciate my efforts. He would come home and find all of his shirts ironed to perfection. He would even asked me, once or twice, when he was in hurry, to iron a shirt for him, since I was such a wizard at it.

On one occasion I actually polished his shoes, just before he had to run out to an important meeting. I remember that moment vividly - I was so happy to kneel for my Dad, seeing his perfectly polished shoe next to my own perfectly polished shoes. It was a something I had dreamed about, Dad and me both living a perfectly disciplined, clean life, with me in absolute obedience to him.

We did have a normal relationship, I assure you. We talked about everything – my Dad was (and is) a loving and kind person. In cadets I was instructed (rather firmly) to treat anyone older and/or in authority with respect, which meant I was not to contradict such a person, not initiate a discussion, but to take on an attentive, receptive, polite attitude. Only when Dad said something like ‘Tell me what you think, son’ would I volunteer my own opinion, but always politely, helpful, never confrontational.

The obvious point where things came to a head was ‘plans for the holidays’. Dad was still insanely busy, but he suggested we fly to Europe for a few weeks, to see Mom, do a bit of sightseeing, maybe a week at a beach – and I then had to tell him that I was ordered to spend seven weeks in Elite Camp. I was to repeat the three weeks of basic training and drill, and then do four weeks of Mess and Household Training and (I had just been told) Cadet Drill Instruction, which meant I was to command my own drill squad.

The conversation was pretty brief, actually. 

‘Seven weeks. Is that what you really want, son?’

‘Yes Sir.’

‘But you hated it, last time. You were crying when you got back!’

‘Yes Sir. But I know now why that was, Sir.’

‘Why was that, then?’

‘I didn’t really apply myself, Sir. I was too focused on my own things, I wasn’t thinking about my duties, really, Sir

‘Duties?’

‘Yes Sir. Duties of a real cadet, Sir. It’s what I am, Sir, a cadet, Sir, and I want to be a perfect cadet, Sir.’

‘Nobody’s perfect, son’

‘Yes Sir. So I have to train harder, Sir, I am still so disappointed about last time, how I failed, Sir.’

‘But you are insanely disciplined, and you get those damned inspections every day!!’

‘Yes Sir. They are necessary to keep me in line and discipline me, Sir.’

‘So you’d rather go off into the jungle for two months to be made into a little bloody robot than go to Europe with me?’

‘With respect, Sir, not a robot, Sir. But yes, Sir. I have to go, Sir. Besides, I'm ordered to go, Sir, I hope you understand, Sir’.

He understood. And he consented.

It was, I think now, a great thing for him to do, to believe me, to accept that I, the 15-year old, wanted this, genuinely. It was a sacrifice - but he trusted me, even though he had sincere doubts about the whole development.

Three weeks later the school year ended, I came out with flying colours.

The school cadet drill team finished fourth in the national competition – out of 25 teams. Pretty wonderful.

I was ready to go.

(All images are AI-generated)