#I should try picking it back up again
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@freakarus liked for a sentence starter!
"Now what's a good little kid like you doing out here in a place like this?"
"Hunting aliens, I hope. Y'seen any?"
#;on a case -ic#freakarus#I have not watched past season two? Methinks? god it's been ages#I should try picking it back up again#anyway hello and thank you for the like!
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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having busuu explain cases without actually explaining cases is kind of wild to me. like yes this is dative. this just makes sense to me, a person who speaks a heavily case-dependent language. however hearing it explained as "we are performing and receiving the action of looking into the mirror" is like. well i suppose this is correct yes but what a way to phrase it
#like i think this makes 100% sense i am not saying they should do it differently#especially when explaining it in english. while presuming that the person learning this is primarily an english speaker#but it's like. huh. yeah i suppose that is what it is. but to me it's just. sich anschauen. dativ. reflexivpronomen! been there done that#echo.txt#(also well i haven't touched busuu in like three months whoops. haven't been Actively Trying To Learn in ages)#(like i've still learned things but not via Doing Lessons i've just been. passively picking them up. you understand)#(read that fuga comic the other day and that taught me some new vocab. and also ordem now that i'm watching it again. and twitch chat)#but. well. figured i should get back to it maybe. can't hurt!#languageblogging
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something sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear that i should rewatch arrested development. but as for whether it’s an angel or a devil, who can never really know
#i haven’t done that since 2022-2023 because for some reason it took me like a year that time#i don’t remember the exact timeline but i feel like i started towards the beginning of 2022 maybe? and then picked it back up in the summer#because i remember i was trying to time it so that i could watch the july 2nd episode On july 2nd#but then i started feeling really bad(ulcer) and i stopped watching. don’t think i even finished season 4#and then i finally came back and finished it at some point between january and march of 2023#i think.#and i was like oh my god why did that take me a year. maybe i shouldn’t ever do it again#but well. maybe i should.
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semester is almost over. im dying
#my oc#rune#mori#i have a project due tomorrow and its finally scared me back into drawing#even though i should be working on this project but im SO SO SO TIRED#i went on an outing like 2 weeks ago the same week that i walked everywhere cause i was desperately#trying to get my taxes done but thats a different story but the point is i was walking a lot and i went on an outing where i stood all day#and then i had to go to class the very next day thinking i was fine but i wasnt.#and that same day after i walked across the city because i absolutely had to pick a thing up. i think the same week i met up with my mom#a couple of times but i was walking the whole way there. my point is that for 2 weeks straight i have been rigorously walking everywhere#and on my feet all the time with little breaks in between and my feet fucking hurt man#i need this semester to be OVER i need to sleep for a MONTH#but i cant because i have to scrape together SOME of this project and finals are next week#this class this project is for fucking sucks. all semester ive been teetering the line between pass and fail#and its not even my fucking fault. im so burnt out so i dont want to do this project. but i might fail if i dont#i need to at least demo it but i have like. one thing done and i dunno what to tell my TA about i#how do i tell my TA and prof that everything is too much for me so i absolutely could work on this project#my laptop is broken so im afraid to use it. the server kept going down last month so i was afraid to use that#so many stupid little things keep piling up and i'd sound really weird trying to explain why i cant do my work#because my desk is on the floor and it makes me really sad so no i cant do my hw. my fave candy has red40 in it so i had to stop eating it#but now i cant do my work because i was using it to help me focus on my hw. LIFE SUCKS BRO#anyway whatever happens. i cant wait to play video games again
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Lalo’s grip is so firm that Ignacio can already imagine the marks that will adorn his hips, ten purple circles.
[...]
He showers with closed eyes. He doesn’t look down, seeing the purple bruises might actually kill him.
I was up all night reading @karlavhh's series the law of names and the finale that's coming up might kill me as well
#everyone should read it is rotting my brain#hi baby you made me pick up the tablet again#i very much used references for this like. HEAVILY#but im trying to get back into it#an adve#lila fucks around on procreate#nacho varga#lalo salamanca#i guess?#lacho#bcs#better call saul
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I'm sorry, but why did no one tell me that we caught a glimpse of the "Stellaron Hunters" in Acheron's trailer that dropped 17 hours ago?
#[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.#[ it came out 17 hours ago. this isn't even something to tag. ]#[ i just-- can i just say that kafka has legs for days? this is obviously the first time i'm talking about kafka's legs today. ]#[ i've been so back/forth today folks; i'm so sorry. i should show up again. but life™️ ]#[ i want to fast-forward to sometime in may. i need/want to have moved. be settled. slowly pick life back up. ]#[ just sanity please. ]#[ yes -- i'll 100% make a post about kafka's involvement in this trailer more properly. even if i know illusion illusion. ]#[ I JUST. ]#[ I CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF THE THREE. THE TRIO. BLADE! YOUR MANIC LAUGHTER HAS BEEN MISSED. SO MISSED. ]#[ AND SILVER WOLF. A LITTLE GLIMPSE. ]#[ please tell me they're gonna be in penacony. fuck me i need to race through the story now. ]
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#my papa was diagnosed w lung and colon cancer. and he's too frail to do anything about it. so he's essentially just going to slowly die#they're not sure how long it'll take. or how advanced the cancer is. but it's there. and it will take him.#my grandma is also descending into bad dementia from her multiple traumatic brain injuries#it's gotten noticeably worse this past month#she needs to stop driving but I'm the only person in the family w a driver's license who can get to her#so if anyone was to pick up the slack it would be me.#aside from literally not having time nor money for that. I don't know how to handle this sort of grief#I'm 26 but I haven't come to terms w the fact that there is a quickly approaching day#where I'm going to wake up and my grandparents aren't going to be around any more#and I won't see them ever again.#I know I shouldn't borrow grief. but how do you avoid it.#and my granddad too.#and I can't really discuss this with anyone else. my siblings should be the ones that I could unpack this with#but bc of the age gaps between most of us they have an entirely different relationship with these people than I do#I remember everything. picking my granddad up from the airport. him giving me tootsie rolls. crying when we dropped him back off.#going fishing w my papa. bringing the fish back and watching my grandma gut and filet them. building a sandbox with him.#shelling pecans w my grandma. watching court tv while she made breakfast. her trying and failing to teach me how to swim.#it's not fair that I'm going to be the only person who remembers those things. and that to some degree I already am.
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Okay so me and @laurentiuvladut got talking in the notes of the original Saurian Capsaicin post and they mentioned using animal poisons/venom as spices. While I can't get behind the idea of that for food purposes (if you can, go for it!), they did mention the Blue Song using frog poison specifically.
Of course I immediately draw the association of the Blue Song using frogs to get HIGH AS FREAKING KITES like the dogs and cane toads situation. Which at the time I immediately also drew the association that 'holy cow the Blue Song might be able to perform surgeries (primitive ones but still) if the frog poisons deattach them from reality enough they don't really feel the pain of like limb removal!' But later I ended up thinking, 'DUDE. Bad trips in Sauria are probably the worst things ever!' and the explanation my brain provided me with was the mental image of-
The Great Maia: *STARES*
The Great Elder Ones: *STAAAAAAAARES*
The poor Avi-Saurian who got so elevated that they interrupted their tea party: ...... O.O
#sauria#dead sound#apparently I can't take anything seriously geez!#poor random blue song members that suffered bad reactions/trips either come out of it never speaking again or raving and trying to explain#EVERYTHING all at once#Bonus if they keep seeing the Great Elder Ones like hoovering in the peripheral vision for the rest of their lives after wards#traumatized silent Blue Song just sitting at a table while their family whispers about their condition in concern; the Blue Song goes to pi#pick up a fruit to eat; the Great Elder One now attached to them from over their shoulder trying to be helpful#MORTAL. THAT FRUIT SHOULD N#NOT BE CONSUMED AS INTERNAL BIOLOGICAL COMPOUNDS AND STRUCTURES HAVE DEGRADED AND THE TINY ORGANISMS HAVE TAKEN HOLD ON IT.#The Poor Blue Song just... freezes and then slooooowly puts it back down and folds their hands in front of them.
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[ID: A drawing of a teal and light green striped undertide dragon. He has green swirl patterns on his wings and frills and a light green underbelly. End ID]
#flight rising#dragon#fr undertide#art#digital art#hi im back i finally got my tablet working properly again#i switched to linux from windows and had some trouble with the button mapping and pen pressure#it took me longer than it should have to set up but its working now!#firealpaca doesn't have a linux version though so im gonna have to pick a different art program#i did this drawing in gimp and it seems cool so far#ive heard good things about krita too so i might try that next#oh also i dont have any undertides yet since theyre so new so i just messed around in the scrying workshop for this lol
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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it here hfkshfks
So when I was tuning the violins today. Well it was the first time I'd done anything with them in a while. And tbh I should've loosened the strings before leaving them for so long, but I hadn't thought of it.
So I tuned up my main violin. It's always been easy to tune & keeps in tune near perfectly when it's played regularly. So it went by quickly, except... when I'm tuning, I like to check the harmonic notes when cross-checking strings, and for whatever reason, the G string's harmonic was like half a note flat. The string itself was in tune tho, which was weird. So I went to adjust the bridge a little bit, just in case that might help, and then the G string fucking SNAPPED!!!
RIP lmao
Good for me tho I've always kept spares in my case. I had 2 of each string, so I just went and put in the new one. First time stringing a violin in years and years, but it went perfectly fine!!
Back and better than ever!
Then I went to tune my electric violin, and it took me literally 10 minutes bc the pegs DID NOT want to turn. I had to literally grab a blanket to pad my fingers as I put my whole self into that shit. It hurt !!!!! But I got it eventually lol. My main violin is definitely the best one for playing out of the bunch.
#speculation nation#i played my electric violin more than i ever have today.#didnt actually play my main violin like i first intended. bc it was getting late and i felt. bad.#so i played the electric violin. it worked! but i find myself missing my darling#i should try to practice at least a few more times before next semester. to make sure im prepared for returning to orchestra#(which isnt THAT an exciting prospect. take THAT my reoccurring dreams born from orchestra longing)#i actually picked it back up surprisingly well. outside of the um. stiff wrist and finger pains.#my wrist will loosen back up in time. thats the main reason i want to practice some more b4 next semester.#that plus my finger endurance. i still have pretty great dexterity. like it just felt really natural.#but my fingers got tired quicker than they used to and the SKIN. my CALLOUSES. are NOT THERE.#gonna wait until my fingers r recovered before i try taking my violin out again tho#also my wrist is a lil sore. i was demanding a lot from it today too.#not as flexible as it is when im actively playing but i actually managed to overcome it fine.#did my shifting and whatever. vibrato. whatever. really the worst part of the wrist stiffness is the finger positioning.#instead of being straight down on the strings my fingers had a bit of a turn to them#so the sides of the tips are sore now. owie. but oh well i made it work.#certainly wasnt my best playing but i did the best i could considering the circumstances.#in retrospect picking violin back up after Years and practicing and (re)learning a whole song to audition that SAME DAY is kind of insane.#whyd i do this to myself. oh yeah cause im stupid. oh well at least im following my heart.#i hope i hear back from the orchestra professor before too long. now that ive done the rehearsal im like. oughhh. yknow?#we will hope that friday night was good enough to count as 'by the end of the week'. we will hope.
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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does anyone know a better way to try and reformat a research question for a survey because I am SUFFERING
#I already have a bunch of answers but this data isn't very helpful-#-and maybe I should not change the question so the data is at least consistent all around#i have multiple questions that are all poorly formatted and have not given me much useful data#but I don't know how I could possibly reformat them in a way that isn't a bu ch of open ended fill in the blank questions#my goal here is I'm trying to see like. Flanderization in fandom. Trying to see the canon vs fanon versions people have of characters#but not everyone might realize the version they consider canon IS fanon. So I can't ask it outright I have to fucking. like#idk trick them into telling me and then I can pop out and be like AHA YOU'RE WRONG#i m not sure the best way to go about this#the way I have it is like. I describe the character in 5-7 traits and ask people to pick 3 of them#and i also have an 'other' option if they want to elaborate#buuuuttttt#This question I feel like hasn't been super helpful#because again I can't just be like “do you think X character is just always lovey dovey 24/7 to character Y”#because again. That's too god damned obvious and people are gonna be like no! Even tho subconsciously they do think that#Also I don't think the traits I picked were very good either. It was just like. Too Broad#I'm planning on sending out my survey again and I wanted to see if I could fix some questions before I do so#there is just the issue of the data being inconsistent#I think I might just have to go in and change the character traits#that's I think the issue. But again I don't know how to ask what I want without being straight up like#“Do you think person Xs entire character revolves around character Y”#even tho the entire fandom acts like they do. They're gonna be like what no X is more then that!#and then they immediately go back to treating X like Ys arm candy#sigh.#sociology#fandom culture#fandom#psychology#idk if someone could assist that would be wonderful lmfao#if there's a better way to get the results I want then#it's all just. subconscious. Is all. Sihhnmg
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#Hey guys. I'm still here.. Just a lot of things have happened that screwed up my life for a bit..#I'm trying my best to get back to being “normal” but it's hard.#I'm sorry for the prolonged silence..#It just sucks being homeless again#And losing my stepdad in the process..#Anyway.. I should be back to doing some things soon once everything calms down..#But honestly. I haven't picked up Cyberpunk in a hot minute. I've been kinda obsessed with Subnautica. Despite my intense fear of the ocean#I'm hoping writing will help..
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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy
#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists#and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful#she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place#also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow#say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying#so many tours#idk i want#i wish my life was bigger#i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment#what about everything everyone else#i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent#find happiness within hobbies interests#but it feels like a losing battle#i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing#i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy#i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend#i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house#and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working#i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost#always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice#i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september#but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them#and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent#like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life#but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025#how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever#and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college#but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own
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