#I shared personal stuff that I do NOT like sharing because of years of feeling invalidated and
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lilacstro · 1 day ago
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ruler of 5th through the house: your dating styles and your love language (+ a lil moodboard)
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back with another post! I hope you guys were doing good :)) I hope you enjoy reading this post :) lmk!! Did not plan on adding mood boards but felt like it lmao, you do not have to take it seriously at all but I felt like it :)
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Paid readings open :)
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How to find the ruler: Let's say your 5th house is in Leo, who rules leo? Sun. Now find where is your Sun. Maybe 11th? Then your ruler of 5th is in 11th. Hope this helps :)
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ruler of 5th in 1st You could be someone who gives their all while dating someone. You may not date someone until they really really are what you want. You may help your partner reinvent themselves, see things about them they never knew before, but often find yourself losing yourself in the relationship if you overindulge, which is ironical. These matters are likely to be very serious to you, whether you date just for fun or longterm, having that passion for someone is important. You may like attention to yourself, having your needs fulfilled when dating someone, which is good to some extent but must not be overdone :) Your love language may be physical touch and spending time with your partner.
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ruler of 5th in 2nd You could be someone who probably would NOT date until they have something to offer to the other person. Money, values, stability, whatever that is. Your partner may learn from you a lot, a slow energy. I get Ace of Pentacle vibes from this. You may derive a lot of your values from your partner, ONLY when it feels really viable to you, you would not pick up everything. Your self esteem would be important in how you treat the person you date, and you would absolutely slow build your person, treat them with efforts and gifts and everything you can offer. You may not rush into relationships either. Your love language may be acts of service, gift giving :)
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ruler of 5th in 3rd You may have dated in your high school/teen years haha. If not, when you date someone, the relationship feels young, friendly and exciting. You may not like boredom in your relationship, but not say y'all are reckless at all, but someone who you have shared interests to talk about, someone who is down for little things like coffee, or going on a walk. Someone who you feel young with :) Communication is very important and you may flirt a lot as well, words of affirmations may be your love language.
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ruler of 5th in 4th Ah you may be quick to think about the longterm future with the person you are dating. A lot of love, may introduce them to family or treat them like family real quick. You are someone who gives the cozy, warm, comfortable feeling to the person you date, but you need to look that your efforts are being reciprocated as well, for you may be quick to oversee that and someone who gives too much benefits of doubt :) You may like your relationship to be extremely intimate and private. Quality time and acts of service may be your love language :))
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ruler of 5th in 5th Ah you date someone, to date someone. I mean, you are not really thinking too much and too beyond things until you feel you need to. You enjoy the dating period fully being present, and make sure your partner does as well, and pamper them a lot!! You may love taking them out to fun places, do fun things and keep things light and fresh. Long term commitment is something you may take your sweet time for, but you would be sure that your partner has a good experience with you ! Quality time may be your love language.
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ruler of 5th in 6th When you date someone, you wanna show up for them daily, consistently. You would not lack dedication and efforts anytime, and would absolutely make your partner feel cared for! I hope you do not do more than what is needed, overdoing stuff for someone just because you love them when the relationship is not in that label/commitment yet. You do not want anyone to take you for granted at all is what I am trying to imply :) You may want to do everything with your partner when you are dating them, but I hope it is done in moderation:) Acts of service may be your love language.
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ruler of 5th in 7th You guys 9/10 times date to marry. You want fun in your partnerships, but not a fling for fun. Instead, a commitment that is fun and fulfilling. You may find yourself giving a lot of time to understanding your partner and strengthening your relationship more than anything, that is the main priority. Commitment and Loyalty is something very important and absolutely non negotiable. You may find yourself setting longterm plans with your partner as well. Quality time and acts of service may be your love language.
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ruler of 5th in 8th You may be someone who is actually paranoid of giving their heart at all tbh, but once you do, its strong, dedicated, loyal relationship. You may see a lot of fluctuations, tower moments in your relationships often, maybe a lot of trust issues as well. Maybe you have had experiences of suddenly being ghosted or the connection being ended overnight, but regardless the connection is incredibly deep and transformative and you may find it very hard to move on from past relationships, or people may feel that way about you. Having proper boundaries is important. You may be incredibly invested and present in your relationships, BUT PLEASE KEEP AN EYE AND DO NOT OVERGIVE. Quality time, LOUD love, whatever that means to you, words of affirmations or physical touch, is important to you.
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ruler of 5th in 9th A very jovial and beautiful relationship usually, no matter how long it lasts. You may be drawn to people from different race or culture or ones that are far away from you, but regardless, sincerity, knowledge and wisdom is something very important. You seek learning and growth through your relationships and the relationship may not work if you are not constantly evolving. On a side note, it is possible you find it hard to navigate through tough times of a relationship since you are so used to being happy and things being light and airy all the time. Your love language could be acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time!
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ruler of 5th in 10th One thing I often see with this placement is that, everyone somehow knows or speculates your relationships status, or who you may be dating. I feel you do not lose a track of your purpose while dating someone, and you DO NOT***(edit)seek someone who does not have any purpose or skill or passion they work for. Your relationship must not be the center of universe for someone, and you may feel weird about people who are overly clingy. Your love language may be acts of service.
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ruler of 5th in 11th Your relationships may usually start off as friendships, or having that kind of dynamic may be extremely important to you. You may like people who are ready to expand their world and their minds, and may absolutely avoid orthodoxial people in all ways. You may idealize your relationship and partner a lot, so that is one thing to look out for. You want your partner to feel incredibly comfortable and understood and may be interested in knowing them to minor details, having long conversations. Your love language may be quality time and words of affirmation.
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ruler of 5th in 12th AHHHHHHHHH y'all seek for soul connections when dating someone. Dating for marry? No. Dating for lifetime? yes. May be extremely paranoid from the sole idea of break up I feel. You heal others, and heal yourself when you date people, and many people or one person you date may be karmic before you find your soulmate, which does not have to be all the time but usually happens. It may be hard to move on from someone, and you may dream about them a lot even when dating someone. You may also be extremely lovestruck very easily so please keep that in mind y'all lmao please see things clearly :) Your love language is everything actually.
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howlettloki · 2 days ago
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Less smut, more meaningful words with such eloquence, well executed plot, characterizations and world building.
A Loki (Marvel)/Reader Fic Recommendation
If you’re like me, who loves to read longer fics then this blog post is for you. This list features beautiful books I have read featuring Loki and the reader for the past 5 years. This is long overdue I have been planning to do this for a while now. I’ll do my best to share all of them in one post (might probably edit this once I remember more). One thing, I really love when an author finds a way to not use Y/N. Enjoy the list!
Completed Fics
Frostbite by Maiden_of_Asgard
Synopsis:
Iceland is nice - sure, you probably should’ve picked a time of year when the weather was a little warmer, but it isn’t too bad, and at least you’re away from your desk job, right? It’s a pretty big adventure.
You’ve always said that you wanted more adventure in your life.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This one you’ve probably read, if not go check it out. It’s one of the best out there. I mean, need I say more?
The Proposal by BirdsofHermes
Synopsis:
An AU gender-reversal of the 2009 romantic comedy The Proposal. You work for Loki Laufeyson at Asgard International Publishing. He accidentally lets his work Visa expire and is about to be deported back to England, so he blurts out that he's marrying you. Now you have to convince an immigration inspector as well as your own family that you're in love with Loki or he gets deported for life and you face five years jail time.
Review:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I have read this more than one can count fingers in their hands.
Broken Crown by Michelleleahhh
Synopsis:
Your betrothal to Thor was convenient - brokered as an alliance between two powerful families.
Your marriage to Loki... is unimaginable.
Review:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Please proceed with caution and read the tags. When I read this the first time, I was new to this world but I remembered enjoying reading this piece. I just recently re-read this, and I just found some minor stuff I didn’t really enjoy. Overall the story and the plot got me hooked however, there’s just few chapters that I feel could’ve been explored more and executed better. Still, I enjoyed reading this the second time around.
Fǫruneyti by Evaldrynn
Synopsis:
A story in which a herbalist makes a decision that will drastically change her life, and in which a prince begins to realise that there might still be hope for him yet. A tale of danger, adventure, friendship - and, ultimately, love. 
Review:
⭐️⭐️⭐️✨
This one I stopped reading at 70%, I have certain icks when it comes to reading and once I reach that ick jar I’m done. It was still beautifully written, got me hooked and all, loved the progress. What can I say, I love slow burns.
The Devil Inside by Ursus_minor
Synopsis:
You're a free lance artist and just running short of rent money for the month, so when your good buddy Thor offers you a one-off job at his sister's company, you take it - even though helping his little brother out with some paperwork sounds awfully tedious
I always wondered what Loki, Hela and Thor would do if they were 'mere mortals'
Review:
⭐️⭐️⭐️✨
It’s deleted but I was lucky enough to have read this way back 2020. It was one of my favorite back then, because it was hard to find a long fic where Loki is not the God of Mischief but just a mere mortal living amongst us. I honestly forgot most about this story, I only remember bits and pieces, you’re Thor’s best friend and he helped you gain money by working under Loki, like the synopsis said.
A Study In Suit by lowkeyorloki
Synopsis:
You've worked too damn hard to get into Professor Laufeyson's course, and you're not about to let your pesky attraction to him get in the way. Your Professor, however, has other plans.
Review:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Professor Loki. That’s it.
From the Void, With Love by pilotisms
Synopsis:
Torn from time, you have to navigate the TVA with the one person who singlehandedly tried to conquer NYC. Turns out you & him have a future-past. Time is weird.
Review:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This is one of the best I’ve read, this is my second to The Proposal. I fucking love this you have no idea. Wished there was a longer sequel though.
Litklœði by GoldTrimmedSpectacles
Synopsis:
“And the sire promised that he would spend the rest of his days searching for the cure of the flower disease which took his friend. And he did find this cure, but not without a cost,” Frigga explained and stroked Loki’s head as the illusions vanished. “But now, when one is fraught with flowers in their chest, a völva can remove these flowers with seiðr – saving the victim’s life and removing the vines from their lungs.”
The Allmother paused and looked at your small, childish face. Her smile was kind and full, but her eyes lay empty and sad. The knowledge of yet to come lay heavy on her features.
However, be warned my child, that with the removal of lung flowers the feelings of unrequited love will be removed too. As will any remaining trace of friendship. So be careful how you give your heart, my dear. You may never know what you could lose.
Review:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Hanahaki Disease AU? Anyone? This one is from my previous blog post. Pure feelings. Loved young loki and young reader.
In Progress or Abandoned Gems
Mea Culpa by OlympianWine
Synopsis:
Six years ago yours and Loki's relationship came to an abrupt and messy end, leaving resentment and hurt in its wake. Now you haven't heard a whisper of him in years, until he turns up at his brother's wedding, seemingly changed for the better, and you're thrust into facing both him and the memories you had buried. But a dangerous figure from Loki's past looms overhead, and Thanos is determined to hunt Loki down and make him pay for betraying him.
Review:
💔💔💔💔💔
I mean based on the synopsis who wouldn’t want to read that? Last update was last year, here’s to hoping it’ll update more or I’m gonna have to kms.
Anagapesis by OlympianWine
Synopsis:
You have a perfect life; a loving husband, a beautiful baby. But when it all comes crashing down, you must put survival ahead of sentiment and turn to a darker prince - your husband's brother. Loki is cruel and cold, and he hates you with a burning passion. Or so you think.
Review:
💔💔💔💔
Just when you think you’re falling, he makes you remember what type of person he is. I feel for Loki, but he’s just cruel man. I wish there was more so I could understand him a bit more.
Seiðmaðr by GoldTrimmedSpectacles
Synopsis:
Amidst the fallen brethren of the Vanaheimr war against Muspelheim, the dark prince of Asgard finds himself lost and riddled with amnesia. His words are barbed, his tongue is gilded and his eyes are sharp. He has no recollection of his name or family, but he soon comes to realise that perhaps it is best for the past to be shadowed by the future, and that life as a beloved commoner is better than life as a miserable prince.
Review:
💔💔💔💔💔
I’m a sucker for fantasy and a well executed world building. I love how I’m instantly transported into the world created by the author and I feel alive inside. I wish there was a way to find out what happens next. I just love this so mich I wish there was more.
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elysiansparadise · 2 days ago
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Here some observations about my blog I would like to share...
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🩶Gemini rising, although I didn't suspect it, makes a lot of sense. At the beginning of the blog it used to have a more dark academic style and it is something that in general I associate with Mercury energy. From my masterlist I like to give them different posts which they can read either to learn or to pass the time. I really like dumping information on different topics, from more individual aspects to those of a couple.
🩶Mercury in the 8th house as the ruler of the 1st house... it is a reality that I have always preferred darker shades, especially grayish or very dark brown tones [except for the previous ones which were a dirty pink and a rather golden yellow]. I think the dark academia vibes stand out again here.
🩶The conjunction of the 1st house ruler with Saturn resonates with something that many have told me and that is that the aesthetic falls into the elegant and/or professional. The square with Uranus makes me think that aesthetics are not really constant, because although I start out as a dark academy, I simply use random images that I like or that seem cute.
🩶Cancer in the 2nd house… I am really very attached to the blog, even if my consistency here varies between very active periods or long inactive periods (like this year between February and June). I want this blog to be constant in matters of comfort. I have said it several times, I want this to be a safe place where I don't throw trash at people, not because of their signs or other personal stuff.
🩶Leo in the 3rd house makes me really enjoy the process of writing for the blog, from completing series to creating other different posts. The ruler is in Capricorn, which would describe very well the way I write, since I like to stay as straight to the point as possible or just give information without falling into rambling.
🩶With Libra in the 5th house, that is to say, Venus being the ruler of that house... one of the things I enjoy the most is when I talk about synastry and composite charts. I love being able to give information about it and talk about it, being one of the main focuses of my blog.
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🩶Mars in the 6th house makes a lot of sense, I think I maintain a fairly productive pace and I usually start the posts I make spontaneously, they come out of nowhere really. And the square with Neptune makes a lot of sense with the breaks and how I do several things simultaneously, even if I haven't finished the first idea.
🩶Having Venus in the 7th house makes me really enjoy talking to people here. I like to take the time to answer your questions or at the very least respond to your comments on my posts. This is enhanced by the trine with Uranus in the 11th house, as it represents the followers. Being in Capricorn, I wouldn't know whether to describe myself as affectionate or too expressive, but I like to be kind and polite, even if there are people who don't relate 100% with what I write. 
🩶I don't know how to feel about the stellium in the 8th house, I guess I can start from the fact that I like to be as detail-oriented as possible and I really like diving deep, even if sometimes that can hit.
🩶I love that Jupiter is in the 9th house and even more so that it is not aspected, since it is not only strong in the house but also in sign, since it is in Pisces. Many of you have said that my blog has helped you, either understand some astrology concepts or get to know yourself better, and I think I attribute that to this placement.
🩶I attribute a very emotional meaning to the Moon in the 12th house, because writing here makes me feel very good and happier. People can probably feel seen or understood and the idea that that is possible makes me feel satisfied and happy. I like being able to help other people through my content, even if it means discovering things about them.
If you want to read your blog's chart, please do! This was quite fun.
I found out that I had the wrong time on my blog's chart and now my blog has Gemini Moon + Rising. Not only that, but Neptune it's conjunct the Midheaven, unaspected Pisces Jupiter in the 9th house and Venus is in the 7th house. I may do a list of all the interesting things I just found out.
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autisticaradiamegido · 11 months ago
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thoughts on dave and aradia (<>)?
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day 356
BIG fan tbh. in this house we love and respect timerails
truly yall read this log and tell me theyre not cute
#day 356#year 4#dave strider#aradia megido#aradave#homestuck#she really saw this kid and was like OH YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH YOUR MORTALITY?? :D#boy do i have some relevant life experience and wisdom to impart on THAT ISSUE SPECIFICALLY#and then she just. very gently and kindly makes the subject more approachable for ghostdave#the pesterlog i linked is literally my FAVORITE aradia moment. to me it is THE character defining moment for god tier aradia#yes she is being kind of ominous and trickstery at first#but it VERY quickly becomes clear shes got genuine concern for this kid she's had very little to do with up until this point#she really wants to connect with him over their shared time aspect stuff#and she really DOES care about how he feels about everything. she wants to help and she wants to put him at ease#because she KNOWS from experience that being dead and having to cope with what that means for you is like VERY UPSETTING AND TRAUMATIC#shes not just like. 'hee hee i think death is great and awesome because im edgy'#shes like 'no dude being dead is scary if you dont have anybody to explain this shit to you. so im going to explain it-'#'-and hopefully by the end of this conversation you will have some new things to feel relief and maybe even joy and excitement about'#'not just in spite of the death thing but BECAUSE of it'#i know shes spooky and has weirdgirl swag and we all love that about her but like#at her core she is a very KIND person. she may occasionally struggle to connect to people through the Death Special Interest Haze#but she WANTS to and when she DOES she is like. a genuinely very warm and comforting presence for her friends#ANYWAY. if andrew hussie or i guess james roach now want to give me an honorary doctorate for my 12+ years of intensive aradia studies#i will be here waiting patiently#timerails
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lunarharp · 2 months ago
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played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles
#dragon age tag#i doubt that will see much use again..but who knows. vvv rambling below#weird game..the characters dialogue stuff and ending were good tho :')#i've played some of the first game but it kept crashing. i knew already despite knowing nothing that this guy was going to be my type#it doesnt feel right making video game art any more bc games like this end up feeling really personal - an experience that happened to me#if i design the main character a bit and fall in love then..that happened to me..i can't make Fan Art of that..only ive been through that..#like i cant make fanart of my dear companions in bg3 despite it having been a huge part of my heart in the last year#almost 1000 hours of playtime in something i can barely talk about bc it means too much.... lol#tons of ideas and conversations and extra thoughts and scenes and emotions about all the incredible times i've been through in bg3#and the maelstrom just rotates around intensely in my own heart forever...but that's ok too...that is so precious to me#but fortunately i already knew people that have played this game and talked/drew abt it recently so it was saved from that for me#sharing scribbly fanart on my Blog is a way to capture the feeling just after experiencing something so it has good points#witch hat atelier escapes that by not being a GAME. games are so immersive. but my wha art & feelings are incredibly immersive too#which makes it difficult sometimes now. i live a complicated and emotional life <3 i am not suited to fandom <3#my character ended up looking so much like oru without me realising that's what i was doing. Kind bearded fireball throwing gay mage. Hmm.#falling for a sad white hair memory trauma fellow that keeps you at a tragic distance. Hmmmmmm.#i see also how very much bg3 is inspired by stuff like dragon age now lol so i'm glad i experienced it. I WANT MY KIRKWALL LIFE BACK...#so dated though as well and unpleasant at times (the city and the dismal atmosphere was depressing.) i hate violence/horror..#bg3 is SOOOO very dismal but it feels like I am killing people and going through horrors because i have to survive i have to be free#Well anyway. ahh it's so refreshing to fall in love. my gay journey continues...
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highlordofkrypton · 3 months ago
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What is this "proshippers" stuff that I have been seeing all over the internet? Is it a bad thing?
Good morning, anon!
I just gotta say before I start, your timing 😭 I absolutely love this question because you're making me research and I have a lot to say, but I just finished the gym so please picture a trembling T-Rex over the keyboard as you read this.
Short answer: Proshippers are people who believe in 'ship and let ship', even if the ships can be viewed as problematic, but not all proshippers ship problematic ships. It is not a bad thing, if you take into account the whole picture and not just specific problematic examples. BUT over time, people have come to use proshipper as 'problematic shipper' so it depends who you're talking to?
I'm not an authority on what is bad or good, the best I can do is give you the different points, and let you decide how you feel about the topic.
WHEW, THIS GOT LONG AND PERSONAL SO BUCKLE UP!!
This Reddit thread sums up what proshipping is really nicely, and I'm just going to add onto what's already said there.
CONTEXT
As an older fandom member myself, and back in my day, proshipping and a lot of the labels you see floating around wasn't a thing. At least, not to me. Back when I was active on Tumblr over a decade ago, everyone just kinda stuck in their own corners, doing their own thing with their niche group of people.
Then, as time shifted, the fandom became more popularized and acceptable, you have more people coming in to engage with the culture. As I mentioned in my ACOTAR fandom analysis (which can be applied more broadly), fandom really started as the weirdos being weird together on our weird little site (and I say this with the utmost affection). With more people participating, you have more opinions coming into the mix with more discussions happening. Not to mention, how the pandemic brought fandom to the eyes of the general public making it a lot easier for them to shame and comment on something they don't necessarily understand.
One thing that you'll see me repeating on this blog is that art is a form of expression, exploration and therapy. Art can be problematic and it can be harmful to some people, but the beauty of fandom is that tags are a form of etiquette to help cater your experience and I do see most people trying to do it. You are in control when you are in fandom. You do not need to engage with anything you do not like, but the responsibility is on you (not others) to manage your experience.
TWO WAYS TO LOOK AT PROSHIPPING
As mentioned above, at its core, to be pro-ship means that you are all for people shipping whatever the hell they want because it's none of your business. By that definition, you could look at it more as a movement or a belief system, rather than a 'label'. It's a belief of freedom of expression and being anti-censorship rather than focusing on problematic ships.
As of late, and with my return to Tumblr after an eternity (it feels like a whole new place, btw), proshipping has morphed into meaning 'problematic-shipping'. I see people tagging their blogs as 'proshippers DNI' and then list that they are anti-incest or underage content. This is a totally fair request, but it lumps the idea that you have the right to ship anything as you're specifically pro those two things or anything that is specifically problematic.
THE PROBLEM WITH 'PROSHIPPING' READ AS 'PROBLEMATIC SHIPPING'
If you're someone who stands by the second definition and that proshippers are all, by default, people who stand by problematic ships, you may risk falling into the trap of extremes, generalizations and censorship in a way that I find is harmful to people who use fandom as an escape.
Where do you draw the line about what's problematic? Some people say that age gaps are problematic, but as an adult, I think that a 30 year old dating a 50 year old is not inherently problematic. At 30, your brain chemistry changes and you are mature enough to make these kinds of decisions. There is a certain age where the ages start to blur and you don't really feel the difference between generations. Then, there's a hundred other questions you can ask. Did those two people start dating now at those big old ages? Or did it start younger? What was the context?
Speaking of context, there are a lot of people who will see a tag or a ship and immediately deem that work as problematic. It's important to remember that there is so much more at play than just the text itself, and you can't always make a direct moral correlation between the art, artist and perceiver. All three of these present a different perspective. The art is the finished product, the artist comes with their own set of experiences and so does the perceiver.
SOME EXAMPLES & DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES
(tw: abuse)
Two more things I'd like to add.
I haven't yet read the Death of the Author which a theory that says you shouldn't take into account the author when you are reading a text, but rather how the text or the art makes you feel, but fandom is so tightly knitted with creators that this is a tricky approach to take. With larger more traditionally published works, there's a separation between you, the perceiver, and the author. It's easier and better for discourse to disassociate so you can discuss with your peers what you got from the text.
In fandom, you are among peers and you are already in the community. I am not absolving any problematic ships and I do have personal hard boundaries that I enforce (and do not engage with), but I will say that there are things I can empathize with. There's a reason in fandom that we always so 'don't like, don't read', or why we don't leave critical reviews or why some people think it's bad form to censor/police others.
In fandom, you are creating for you or directly for your community.
Now, I'm gonna get into more personal examples.
As someone who has been neglected, abused (every version under the sun -- physically, sexually, verbally, emotionally, financially, etc.) and other stuff I don't want to get into, writing is my outlet. I don't personally claim the label of victim for personal reasons, but for all intents and purposes, I am one. I am someone who has spent most of my life alone, with my emotions (alone) and my thoughts (alone) because any form of vulnerability or imperfection was punished. When I look back at my life, sometimes I wonder why it feels like I lived the Murphy's Law of abuse.
That said, I only had writing. From the age of 11 to my big old age now, it's the number one way for me to work through emotions without ever having to put my name on it. I didn't have to be the victim and if I needed it, I could write myself a hero. It's a question of reliving experiences or exploring themes in a setting that I can control.
What if my character is assaulted? But what if someone came to comfort them afterwards? Made them feel seen and didn't diminish that pain? Or what if they did take away that pain so the main character doesn't have to carry it for as long as I did? What if I write about power dynamics because having someone you can inherently trust with everything brings me peace?
What if the violence I portray is my way of feeling in control of a situation like that? What if I support women being violent in my work because they deserve to stand up for themselves with the same force of the violence committed against them?
What if I write about ugly things because I see myself as an ugly thing and I want to celebrate that? I love villains. In the eyes of my abusers, I am the villain. (Have you ever been under the thumb of a narcissist? Many narcissists? They are always right, and you are always wrong.) Did you know that as a woman of colour (depending where you are), the more your stand up for yourself and the more you maintain firm boundaries, the more you're treated as a bitch? Or some kind of poison to the world around you? Some men will go out of their way to make you submit, even professionally.
All that said, I do not wish any bad thing on anyone and when I'm done writing my silly little work, the only reason I share it is because I hope someone sees a part of them in this and feels a little less alone. When I finish writing, I log off and live my life bringing as much positivity as I can to every person I interact with because I don't know what they are going through.
I never shared my writing before this year, and let me tell you, the number of people who have told me that they cried, they felt sadness and felt seen by the way trauma was depicted in some of my work -- THIS is why I share. The world is so big, and everyone is so focused on fitting in, or hell, just surviving, and it's easy to feel alone.
So, I can't imagine taking that label of anti-proshipping, or bringing that whole energy of trying to silence and police people when some of the 'problematic' content you see might actually help someone work through some things in a way that works for them without harming real people. (These are works of fiction, and art.)
Would you prefer wiping the entire board because there are some people, yes, who glorify problematic things, but there are more people than you know who see themselves in seemingly 'problematic things' and it heals a little part of them? I'm not saying everyone has a 'valid' excuse, but who am I to play judge and jury? That's not a task I'm personally willing to undertake in a fictional sandbox. I block and move on, that's it.
If, after everything I've said, I do fall under proshipper, please keep in mind that I am fighting for the people who find community, the people who are healing and the people who just want to get away from the performance that is our daily lives.
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j-esbian · 2 months ago
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i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.
that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.
weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.
#most of it is stuff i can’t help like!!!#coworkers and i don’t share a lot of interests so i’m always like. yes i’ve heard of that show but haven’t seen it. no idk that band sorry#and they’ll like. talk shit abt other people who share my interests without realizing that i also like those things#so i just have to sit there and take it#i feel like i don’t have a lot in common with my friends even. a few shared interests but very different lives#in my experience the conscious choice has been to try to keep up with what’s popular but it’s just. not interesting to me#i got bored and forgot to finish s2 of stranger things and never picked it back up#even alt subcultures have gone kinda mainstream and i never quite slot in#let’s not even touch the gay culture ‘flags’ that are extremely online and unrelatablr#and the most frustrating thing. every time i try to talk about myself and my interests i feel people shutting down#one person i know. open mouth sighs in exasperation when i open my mouth#i don’t know why you’re making it my problem that we’re different#i know there is supposed to be a niche out there for everyone but some of that feels like#those niches are falling prey to marketability. if you’re too far out of the mainstream. too out of touch. it can’t be helped#a lot of messaging online is like. embrace weirdness but only if it’s subversive in a very specific way#too normal to hang out with self-proclaimed proud weirdos. too weird to hang out with normies#like i thought the thing was to disavow performativity. i’m sorry i don’t find the same things interesting#i don’t care about the office and you don’t care about the hundred years’ war. that’s fine. why is that seen as a personal fault of mine#i feel like some of the reaction i get might be bc it comes across as hipster shit. idk#i’m literally just oblivious and looking for any kind of indicator for social interaction#but so often it feels like the onus of finding common ground is on me. i have to listen abt things idk but no one cares what i have to say#i think what makes it more frustrating is this reaction from people who claim to not care. do their own thing#and then get annoyed when i do mine and it’s. different#instead of being like ‘fuck the mainstream! conformity is bullshit! be yourself!’ it’s like#‘fuck the mainstream because it doesn’t appeal to me personally and i’ve made my own club!’#and this is not going to come out right because i’m just at my limit and venting and don’t know how to say things the right way#so people don’t misunderstand me#i just happen to never like the Right Things and know the Right Things and act the Right Way and idk how else to say it other than#can we be more normal about weird people#idk it’s hard to talk abt this without sounding like i’m just complaining but i’m more bewildered and trying to state things as i see them
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bunnihearted · 3 months ago
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🧸♡ ⋆。˚
#it actually does make such a huge difference omg im like ... feels like i got thrown into the floor lost my breath#having someone i like so much to talk to abt things#and share stuff and details abt not only my days but their days too#and talking abt like books that we read or shows/movies we saw and etc etc#sending pics. sending voice messages. all of that#that was so amazing wth???#it sounds like such a mundane thing but it changed my enire baseline. it wasnt a littel thing to me#i didnt share as much as i wanted to because it takes me longer to settle into smth like this#or any kind of connection/correspondence/bond/rapport#im slow bc im so scared of ppl. scared of trusting. scared of opening up. rejection rejection all of that#yeah.. takes me a lot longer than the average person to settle into smth like this#avpd is its own special hell...#i miss it a lot and i wish there hadnt been all the other circumstances so i could've actually relaxed into it#and come out of my shell completely. which i was almost there. now that mental block is gone but it's too late....#i take too long... it is impossible to be patient with me. i really hate everything abt my brain#my desire overtook my fear and it was quicker than it ever has but not enough.. :(#i miss it sm and it made me feel so so much lust for life..#but it's gone now and i can really feel the loss of it#i wouldve done anything i could to save it. or nurture it. or whatever. but it was a sacred treasure to /me/.#it doesnt matter if i try to put out the flames in a burning house if the house is gone and there are actually only the flames left#and since to me it is so special. and like. the fact that this even happened is crazy to me stuff like this feelings and connection never#happen to me. it's like.. special to talk to someone u like & have an established rapport with on a regular basis#and tell them stuff and rant abt like a book or whatever. ask them details abt their life bc u know them and enjoy knowing them#i cant just transfer all of this to someone else. i dont feel like yapping abt the book im reading into the void or someone i barely know#i just dont know... i need that sm and it was so amazing w someone i like sm. & it makes me sad i takes me too long to get fully comfortable#bc of this time were it was the most intense and long lasting for me but also im in love lmao. but other times too...#i take too long and why would someone wanna wait like actually a year (which is how long it often takes me to pass a certain barrier)#im not special. im nothing that great. it is easy to find someone else who is x1000 better than me and wont take an eternity to warm up#i just feel so sad bc i try so hard and then all of my effort just goes down the drain and then i have to do it again if i meet someone#then they'll leave me behind too and get tired of me and not like what they see and then im back at square 1 again
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eternal-reverie · 6 months ago
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got the posting anxiety bad tonight
#click clack#ok a peak into my thought process and anxiety here we go#ok so the art is almost done and up to standard I would post onto my art blog#BUT for some reason the thought of posting art of my ocs there scares me#because even tho it’s my art blog in my mind it’s the equivalent to a art gallery that demands being detached????? from the art#like once I share it there it’s no longer ‘mine’ but to the public#and my ocs (plus the stories that go with them) are like the closest to my heart and relinquishing them feels like a lot#a part of my imagination that I spent so much time with developing over the years to be placed up for judgement…#so then the solution could be to put it here on my personal! the online space cozy enough and filled with other posts that could easily bury#the original posts I put here#but there goes my other dilemma. i don’t want them too associated with my personal for if one day i do muster up something for publication#my big fear is that ppl will find this space and go thru everything. the fear of being perceived and judged 😵‍💫#all the hypotheticals and anxiety for something that may not even happen#dumb mind problems my head made up 🙄#anyway writing it out helped lol I’m posting it to my art blog I decided 👍#I have to work on getting that blog to be comfortable space to post… i should lower that silly self imposed standard I set for myself#and be whatever about ppl being aware of my online presences#maybe… [grinding my teeth] I should post my messy sketches onto my art blog…#I should take my friends suggestion and make a website to feature my ocs…🤔#idk my only other solution that doesn’t feel viable to mitigate the anxiety is to slowly introduce my ocs in the background of setting art#just a slow drip until they are in the forefront#bleghhh whatever much ado about nothing it’s like I never posted my ocs ever when I have indeed posted them before on both places ( º_º )#I’m realizing it happens too when I post too much fanart in a row… I have curator disease??? 🫨#or something I used to be very particular about what order I reblog stuff like it used to be by color and content balanced out#I still do to a lesser degree… but it used to be pretty bad#post order compulsion????#the fear of being abrupt and incohesive in between posts…#if you read this far thanks you can now see how much this consumes me 🙃
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smile-files · 7 days ago
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this might be a hot take... but if you care about disavowing media made by bad people out of fear of looking like a bad person yourself more than you care about actually doing good things... you might have your priorities (and your morals) screwed up a bit :/
(see my tags for more of my thoughts on this topic! please try to avoid making make bad-faith assumptions about what i mean!)
#melonposting#there is a good case for not wanting to associate with something on account of the creator being harmful. sure whatever#but people have talked at length about the sort of moral ocd that it promotes when that idea is fervently preached and enforced#i don't know about you but i think there's a big difference between#a) not wanting people to associate with something because the media itself spouts harmful rhetoric#and because its bigoted creator both benefits from people engaging with the books and is idolized by many of the books' fans#and b) not wanting people to vocally enjoy ANYTHING made by ANYONE who's held any harmful ideology at any point#because doing so 'inherently' supports and spreads those harmful ideologies#it's true that you cannot separate the art from the artist#but good people can make bad art and bad people can make good art. artistic talent is not inherently correlated with the artist's morals#the goodness/badness of a person CAN seep into the art they make. and it often does. and that can affect one's enjoyment of it#but even then there's nuance to be had on how to deal with it#like my hero academia for example. when i started watching it in middle school i didn't know how misogynistic it would be#of course i ended up seeing it in the show (and god it's so misogynistic)#and i ended up learning that the 'joke' sexual-harasser character is a self-insert for the creator#which of course i could never get behind. the creator is undeniably a horrible guy#at the same time though the show means a lot to me and i've gained a lot from watching it#i won't elaborate here on how but believe me it isn't superficial. if you want to ask me about it i'd be happy to share#i can hold both in my mind. the disgust and the enjoyment. i don't think those have to be mutually exclusive#of course not everyone is like that; you could immediately stop liking the show on discovering the gross stuff. and that's your prerogative#i don't know... i agree with the values behind avoiding media made by people known to have moral failings#and in some cases (like harry potter and jkr) i fully endorse the values and the practice. but such cases are very specific#but in most cases i fear the practice is misguided and unnuanced and ultimately unhelpful in fulfilling one's values#it is largely a philosophical matter: about how an individual regards their moral standing in the context of themselves and other people#which is important to discuss - especially in our globalized internet age! speaking of which feel free to disagree with me#if you want to have a civil discussion i'm more than open to it#but no matter how important this matter... there are way more important ones in the world. especially right now#calling out people who watch a youtuber who said something bigoted 5 years ago does little to stop that bigotry overall#just have good morals and practice them! support oppressed people! be thoughtful and understanding and compassionate!#callouts and dni lists rarely make for impactful advocacy!!!
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zhuhongs · 10 months ago
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just found out the lead singer of taiwans biggest death metal band is also an active parliament member since like 2015.... and is still active as a death metal singer. he's a pretty standard taiwanese center left anti communist from what i could gather. which like as a leftist i dont really agree with but i also dont know enough abt taiwanese politics to like make a full judgement. though he seems to be a standard liberal nothing remarkable, radical, or new, not overtly horrible but just bland. but that was something i definitely did Not expect. apparently he's very pro indigenous rights and self determination for indigenous people but being in a centre left mega party like the DPP does not seem like the best way to achieve that. But yea, just thought I'd share
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#chthinic collabed heavily with collage last year and ik natsuki (lead singer of collage) is very pro indigenous rights and posts abt it a#lot of instagram and i really appreciate the amount of political stuff on her platform. its all very progressive tho v much limited to tw#so idk. i kind of got the cibe of some groups that see taiwanese indigenous issues as seperate to the larger issue of colonialism and#indigenous rights all over the world to conflicts such as palestine. where some other groups have a lot more of the collective consciousnes#and idk. my view is limited and i didnt see that much but when i go back i def wanna look for more political groups in tw and learn about#the political landscape there for leftism. theres a lot of potential in tw imo#chthonic* natsuko**#edit: overall i think that like.. i get the spirit but i feel like for many taiwanese the identity of tw has been everyone united agaisnt#china which i can understand from the perspective of the indigenous ppl that had their land colonized by the japanese then had to share with#the fleeing kmt settlers. but like i dont think that its the best approach to say only china bad rather than big governments threatening to#take your land by force is bad. because idk my take on china and tw is that regardless of the historical claim or wtv. taiwans indigenous#people have been there long before the han ever stepped foot. and china isnt all good as seen in its treatment of the uyghers and tibetans#but is overall not nearly as bad as the west paints it to be. china is neither fully a communist paradise. and has many capitalist undertone#s influence the government ever since deng xiaoping came to power. personally i never fully agreed with mao. i think mao was a necessary#figure in the beginning and let power go to his head and i believe zhou enlai always shouldve been the founder of the PRC#fuck the kmt.. never liked the kmt and it seems as they are also slowly losing favor in tw also. and like... hmm#i need to do more reading tho. none of this is like 100% set in stone how i feel bc theres a lot i dont know
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lususnatura · 3 months ago
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ahahhh,, not me accidentally deleting the last post i made AHH i'm just going to recite it from memory now (,: so, basically what i said in my previous post was what if i told y'all that blamore's birthday already passed and i didn't make a post about it since it as a character probably spent the day at nico's [ who is his doctor ] because he was very depressed. and i say that because it was actually on july 25th, NGL, you guys AHH [ so like i probably won't reblog any birthday memes since most of them are for the day and it is VERY belated by now buttt... if y'all would like, though there's absolutely no pressure to, you could send something in related to that if you'd like (,: ]
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chiropteracupola · 2 years ago
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dress up nice (and don't get any blood on yourself this time, please)
[collaboration with @dxppercxdxver again. we are still going.]
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blujayonthewing · 1 year ago
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gritting my teeth clenching my fists I need nature nerd friends again so fucking bad
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icharchivist · 6 months ago
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yknow this one post that's like
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the embarrassing thing about me is that this is me but it only works when i'm super mentally ill about ff7 because every time i'm obsessed with ff7 it's the only time i manage to motivate myself to do exercises and trying to take better care of myself FULLY because "Zack would want me to take care of myself", i'm doing some exercises despite hating every second of it because "Zack would want me to be able to pull some squats and i can't do that in my current shape so now i have to make it better" like, ok, cringelord. DoItForHimCollage.jpg about Zack Fair i guess. I have a deodorant smell i associate so strongly to Zack that putting it on makes me actually motivated to take care of myself. fucking mortifying.
*sends a kiss to the sky* for Zack Fair. I guess.
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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beaver gnawing on wood noises
#purrs#delete later#this is gonna be a bad / hard post and i’ll have to delete it. like it feels like in making it im invoking cosmic forces to show me karma or#idk like being an ingrate or whatever. but sometimes i find myself on social media rabbitholes looking at instagram pages of.. women who#like really genuinely appear to be good moms to their kids. and love them for who they are and don’t try to make them anything different.#and who celebrate their quirks and stuff. and even share interests with them at the bare minimum. and it just makes me want to sob. like the#knot in my throat. i shouldn’t do it bc i just hurt myself but it’s like. im so lucky i have a mom and that she provides for me. and i know#there are valid reasons for that being all she can do. but also why can’t she… idk.why can’t she ummm love me. or celebrate me. or find#magic in me. or at the very least accept my humanness and be open to me like giving her feedback on stuff. even tonight at this panel this o#one woman was like yeah my two daughters call me on stuff and im like you’re right. if i called my mom on stuff (and i do) she would give me#the silent treatment (and she has) or eviscerate me (and she has). and people in my work life and on here call me endearing and say all#these things. but it’s like none of it can fill up the absolute aching pulsing void that is… my mom. my mom!!!!! is just a person i live#with anr resent most of the time. who has hurt me so badly. and i could have had a mom who like. let me sing and didn’t mock me for it.#and who came in and said goodnight to me and my sister instead of leaving us to o ur own devices because we’re twins and we had each other.#and 14 years ago today was the day that fully cemented in that she could not be that kind of mom and would never be. and i know she tried so#hard and i know she has been hurt and is still hurting. but i just want to scream. like everyone deserves a mom who loves them for who they#are and shit. and how fucking unfair is it that.. like it sounds so selfish and entitled. b it how fucking unfair is it that i got a mom who#im afraid of and then there are people like fucking… m*lissa err*co and sh*ron wh*atley (those are just the famous ones) who by all#appearances seem to be like.. not only loving but open. seeing their children as human and magic all at once. instead of a war prize and a#symbol of their own hardships or whatever. like it’s just so fucking unfair. i hate that this is the way things are for me and that it will#never change and that if it ever does i have to be the one to change it or i have to heal from it and let go of it. like FUCK that! i want#love from my mom! FUCK the fact that she can’t give it to me!!! she has to!!!!!! but she won’t. idk. delete post <3#like so genuinely i should not be even typing these words bc god is gonna smite me now lol. but my heart is howling#and the shitty thing is i don’t think i’ll be able to be that kind of mom if i ever become one bc of how badly all of this has hurt me. and#bc of all that i don’t even think i want to become a mom anymore bc i don’t want to be the reason a child feels this way or grows up to.
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