#I saw my own birth
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I go somewhere without service for ONE DAY and suddenly everyone decides to tag and follow me. I love y’all but now I have to go find which WIP I left my latest rambling in and slap it into a tag game post.
I’m a little sleep deprived ❤️💪
#y’all really said oh she has no service?#bet#I’m suffering#what did I even write last#the more important question#was the last thing I wrote cOhErEnT#my brain is just the SpongeBob theme song and some saltwater#when I tell you I got assaulted by a wave I MEAN IT#it buckled my knees yall#and dragged me through sharp rocks and sand#I saw my own birth#it was not pretty#I bled a lot#my phone was in my pocket#and now I’m sick cause the water was freezing#still continued to climb rocky cliffs tho#I have no more skin on my hands and feet#the things I do because of my adhd and stupidity#the ocean loves me so much it didn’t want to give me back as I crawled to shore for safety#my phone is fine btw#but I am NOT#I climbed very tall and questionable things#but I am also questionable#not tall tho#I need sleep#I’ll get to the tag games eventually#❤️🌈✨
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explaining mpreg to my boss wasn't on my 2024 bingo
#he pulled up ao3 on our POS#and we scrolled through the formula 1 tag#and i saw mpreg and died laughing#and he was like wait whats that#sir#im sorry i have to be the one to tell you this#but men having babies. in ways that defy science#then he proceeded to ask if me - a trans masc - wouldnt want to give birth (i love oversharing so its fine)#and i was like lmfao no childbirth sucks#so he asked if i even could give birth on testosterone and i was like lol yeah but most ppl stop T until after childbirth#he learned so much today#it was such an eventful day doing inventory at work#i love my boss#but now he is cursed with the knowledge of mpreg#mpreg#fanfic#fanfiction#fan fiction#ao3#archiveofourown#archive of our own#fandom#otp#au#2024 bingo#formula 1#f1#f1 fanfic#f1 fandom
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NAMI NEEDS TO GO UP THERE AND FIGHT BIG MOM I AM SO SERIOUS!!! THIS IS A BATTLE FOR THE ROMANCE DOWN TRIO!! SANJI DO NOT DARE TAKE HER SPOT!!!
#big mom just giving birth here on the battlefield.....#do i comment on the incestuous relationship between clouds made of the same soul??? no?? okay...#oh jesus.... goodbye kid and killer.... nami needs to get up there and take control of zeus and i am so serious#HER SKILL IS SO POWERFUL AND SO PERFECT FOR THIS FIGHT AGAINST BIG MOM BUT BECAUSE SHE IS NOT PART OF THE STRONG TRIO SHE GETS STUCK WITH#THE B LIST VILLAINS!!!! LKKE WHY DOES SHE NEED TO FIGHT ULTI?? OKAY THAT WAS MEANINGFUL BUT THAT COULD END THERE!!!!#SANJI GO FIGHT PAGE ONE!!! SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF ULTI AND LET LUFFY ZORO AND NAMI TAKE CARE OF KAIDO AND BIG MOM!!! I AM SERIOUS!!!#big mom is inside the castle.... maybe i will get my wish granted (kinda...)#kid and nami against big mom.... maybe sanji can join... i can see it so clearly.... come on now.....#if namo knew armor haki she would have gone up there and taken zeus and dealt with prometheus and his sister wife. let the others w/ big mom#fucking hawkins... end him killer.... calling him domesticated lmao... end his pathetic ass#using conqueror's haki on the weapons..... also zoro having it too.... the flower petals symbolism..... OHHHHHHHHH#nani indeed...... BREAK THAT MACE!!!! YEAAHHH!!!! law is completely baffled#KAIDO GOT SENT BACK!!!! LETSGOOOOO AND THE OG INTRO MUSIC QUICKS IN!!!! law just saw god again....#he said fuck off i got this.... omg.... he is either gonna nearly die and doesn't want them to follow or doesn't want to worry about them#while he fights and they try to defend him.... no other explaination (apart for 4 the plot reasons)#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1028#luffy king of everything that was such a slay#they changed luffy chiquito's design....#i was gonna say luffy swimming...... but he can't yet akdhajsj#yasopp taking care of everyones children but his own...... i see how it is....#WHY WOULD SHANKS STAY IN GOA IF NOT TO TALK WITH GARP WHO LIVES THERE!!! I AM TELLING YOU SHANKS IS IN KAHOOTS WITH THE MARINES!!!!#i was thinking about shanks scar... and thought it might be from buggy with his three knives in between his fingers you know#but it is too small... like the knives would take more space.... but maybei might be reaching and it is from buggy and not like a little paw#or little hand.... however much distrubing you want to paint it....#shanks is testing little luffy's intelligence... he knows his weak spot already akdhjasj#uta calling herself a diva.... ajshaksn might this be the reason luffy was so inclined to having a musician since the start???#episode 1029#that was like a perfectly realistic relationship between an older smartass girl and a younger boy lmao it was spot on
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once again in a murderous mood due to the menstrual agonies
#it doesnt happen often but SOMETIMES i will get cramps on-and-off BEFORE i actually get my period#and this time the actual period is A WEEK LATE (no im not pregnant) but i STILL get the cramps#and tmi but i was changing my cup last night and saw a teeenie-tiny bit if blood and was like ughh FINALLY#and i even woke up in the middle of the night due to cramps (FOR THE SECOND NIGHT IN A ROW)#BUT THEN! THIS MORNING! NO BLOOD IN THE CUP#AND EVERY TIME I GET THE BEGINNINGS OF A CRAMP ITS LIKE#'if i dont take pain meds IMMEDIATELY i will be bed-ridden with the pain fpr 6hrs' cause missing that window means meds have no effect#so the FAKE cramps#they START in the same way the real ones do but dont develop into that intolerable all-encompassing lvl 8-10 pain#but i can never KNOW for certain which ones i got until i see that theres actual blood#so ive been taking HIGH doses of pain meds for the past 4 days now 🤪🤪🤪#anyway#i wish they did hysterectomies when patients just like. asked them to.#but also i wish i didnt have only bad experiences with obgyns because every time ive gone i havent received help#but i HAVE been told 'oh the pain is just normal but it CAN be lessened SOMEWHAT after giving birth! :~) '#ok let me just get preggers real quick and then give birth and then dump the baby in a dumpster somewhere i guess#cause i sure as shit dont want one#i feel like perhaps having a growing organism grow inside and draw nutrients/resources from your own organism#and then ripping you open as it exits#is more difficult for a body to handle than the surgical removal of an organ#also the former takes 9months and is followed by a lifetime of commitment or any and all distress coming from putting it up for adoption#and the latter is over within a matter of hours and you never have to worry about periods pregnancies or parenthood ever again#anyway vol 2#im at my limit etc etc etc#berry talk
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the number of truly surreal conversations scott and i had today has got to be some sort of record like even counting when we spent basically 24 hours together on tour. shoutout to me making scott laugh while looking for random props at goodwill by referring to a kids toy as a "doll hemorrhoid pillow"
#i also saw a toy story thing at goodwill and asked ''does ACAB include woody bc he was a sherriff?'' to which scott unironically responded#''does that stand for assigned cop at birth???''#and i legit had to explain through laughs that no you're thinking of amab/afab this is all cops are bastards#got both thrift store conversations on camera for potential doc use#also!!! he let me read another revision of his current buddy show today and not only did he include a joke i'd pitched to him#(bc i pointed out a perfect spot for a callback to a joke from the opening)#but it's actually now the penultimate joke of the show!!!! like it's right before the final lines!!!!#which is so wild bc i've been seeing scott do this monologue for years at this point#(the monologue is called ''my stop'' and it's about the lgbtq+ acronym)#and when i first saw him do a version of it in november 2022 i fucking hated it like it was the worst buddy cole monologue imo#but over the years the jokes have gotten stronger and the tone has gone from bitterness to acceptance and scott's own views have evolved#(possibly because he met me and got to hear my perspective)#so now not only is the 2024 version of my stop one of the highlights of the show#but now i actually got to be part of it bc i pitched the kool aid man joke that comes in towards the end#god i love my weird little dynamic with scott this is so fun
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season 3 of The Bear isn’t good...
#i saw reviews that said that but i was determined to form my own opinion#so I watched it and it’s 😵💫 not good#i’ll just say it… it’s not good#i loved how previous seasons focused on the food and building the restaurant#and season 2 focus on character development while also focusing on the food#this show is supposed to be about the food and the chefs#i just watched a whole episode of a woman trying to give birth…#and she didn’t even have the baby in that episode lol#season 3 is a wash#and i sadly say this bc it was my favorite tv show#like i’d put it above gilmore girls previously but not now#the bear#the bear season 3
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It’s so funny to me when conservative Christians look at very valid reasons for not wanting kids and are like “this is a sign of how selfish this generation is”. My dude why is wanting to not be miserable seen as a bad thing. I understand that you get off on suffering but some of us like to be happy.
#and obviously for some people having kids is what makes them happy and that is valid#but for other people (myself included) parenthood sounds awful#ALSO why is not having kids seen as selfish#being selfish means putting you own wants over other people#who am i hurting by not having kids#calvinists just have a hard on for suffering and want the rest of us to suffer to#obviously more than just hardcore calvinists are against birth control i just saw a post by a calvinist that inspired this post#but this applies to hardcore catholics and independent baptists etc#there is nothing selfish about choosing not to have kids#if you have kids and then prioritize yourself over your existing child that is selfish#but by not having kids i'm what? prioritizing myself over hypothetical kids who don't exist#i think my hypothetical kids who don't exist and therefore have no needs will be fine if i prioritize myself over them
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hugs?
Yes please
#kiwi answers#liz my sweet#basically#my younger sister whom i will start calling doe#is due to give birth beginning of april (dw shes healthy)#and she graduates the last friday of april so the plan is we’ll get to meet my new niece for the first time then#because she lives a couple states away#but#today i found out that the required performance for vocal lessons#is that same friday in april#and then when i asked what to so about that#he started out with ‘well i missed my own grandfather’s funeral and my sister’s wedding because i had performances…’#and i lost it#he basically said email him and we’ll talk about it#and when he saw me start to tear up to not freak out yet because nothings in stone or anything#but yeah i cant control my tears once they start#and also cant control when they start most of the time#just ignore me I’m an emotional wreck its fine /lh
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unfair and unreal how the titles of like, poetry books make me feel ABSOLUTELY INSANE with the need to own them
#HOW am i supposed to live like this when theres books titled shit like 'another birth: selected poems' and 'too bright to see' and fuckin#'IN A DREAM YOU SAW A WAY TO SURVIVE'?? LIKE ARE YOU FOR REAL#heart2heart#im losing my FUCKING mind oh my god#i will be like i never read anymore and then think abt books of poems and go if i dont own and devour these in the next ten seconds ill die
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I start to get annoyed when people start discussing periods because there’s always this specific type of person who acts like the only reason someone would genuinely hate having a period is because of sexism, and to be clear sexism can definitely play a part in that, but also sexism plays no role in the debilitating cramps and nausea and migraines that leave me bedridden for most of the week. Sexism plays no role in the personal discomfort and sensory hell that comes from having a period and having autism. It doesn’t matter that what my body is doing is a “natural cycle”, it fucking sucks, it’s miserable, just because it’s natural doesn’t mean I have to love it, I started researching ways to stop my period or get a hysterectomy when I was like 11/12 because I was in such unbearable pain every single month. Yes misogyny can absolutely cause people to feel negatively toward having a period but this ain’t misogyny, this is horrific pain that kept me miserable for the entirety of my teenage years and I only resent it less now because I found out how to manage it with birth control.
#I read a comment that made me mad but I ain’t trying to argue with someone#I’ll be mad on my own blog#back when I was a teenager I used to get SO mad#because I saw so many posts that were so weird#about how periods were magical and spiritual and it’s so special that women experience this#while I was curled up on the bathroom floor with a heating pad literally burning me because that#was the only way to stop the pain#and when I tried to express how much I fucking hated having a period#I got told i was just influenced by the patriarchy#like no I’m influenced by the uterus in my body trying to kill me dead#I don’t even experience dysphoria towards having a period because it’s so painful that gender is in the back of my mind#I’ve been on birth control for the past two years and it’s been fucking life saving#I don’t have to miss work or cancel plans. no more vomiting. no more pain.#it’s a fucking miracle#I can’t understand why anyone would think I should /like/ the hell I’ve experienced
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I just saw a girl on tiktok talking about how her Palestinian grandma won’t be able to renew her passport with her place of birth as Palestine. She will have no place of birth.
Tell me why people were trying to compare it to Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia etc.
My whole ass family was born in Czechoslovakia. Guess what. They now have a passport in Czechia/Slovakia, depending on where they lived. They have a country to call their own. They have some of the strongest passports in the world.
Palestinians are intentionally being eradicated. Their land bombed and stolen. Please educate yourselves before you say bullshit on the internet.
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#sketches#unfortunately this is where I locked in academically so there isn’t much more to post#the bird man was a sculpture I saw in a park I didn’t birth that idea on my own#the sculptor was Richard Beyer
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Just watched pignorant and holy fucking shit was it crazy.
#I thought that the factory farm was bad enough with all those poor dead babies and the mother covered in her own excrement having just given#Birth in such close confinement but the fact that the free range farm wasn’t any better just broke my heart#I mean I’ve known the truth for so long now and I become numb to it at times but when I saw that poor pig paralysed and cold#Sat there in the dirt shivering and trying aimlessly to move it was like I was there and I just wanted so badly to hold her.#She was suffering and nobody cared. She had been there for days. And for what? To die by blunt force trauma and end up in the festering#Kill bin#cant fucking stand carnism man
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29/3/24
✿❈✿❈✿
Artms release!!
Grapes
Got a good start on my history assessment
Laughed with family
#happiness diary#happiness diary: march 2024#oooo birth by artms is really good#im happy tgey got an actual illustrator for the mv too cus i was unsure for a but#but saw the illustrator being credited so alls good#i love the vibe it feels horror in a different way from the other horror groups like dreamcatcher and purple kiss#its most similar to red velvet but even then its quite different#also haseul!!!!!!!#she sounds so good!! they all do but im biased towards haseul#i feel like the mix of deeper and more textured? from heejin amd jinsoul and the clearer higher voices of the others#really made everyone stand out#like choerry at the end kim lip at the start every haseul line heejin and jinsoul with their respective chorus lines#im really excited for the album now lile i was excited before but now im just vibrating from excitement#also loosemble are coming soon too#i just love loona theeyre the perfect group they literally dont have a song i dislike#i think dance on my own is my least favourite but like its still a great song and i gladly listen to and enjoy#and the post loona stuff has kept this up somehow#im really excited to see what yves is preparing cus shes the only one whos not released anything yet#dunno loona makes me happy all 12 of them are great#anyway enough rambling about loona#i dont feel good and am quite tired so gonna sleep night!#also didn't have internet yesterday which is why i didnt post but it was a chill day and i had sweet potato
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oofta
#vent in tags#bc holy hell actually#maybe calling people who lived thru a relative committing sewer slide ‘selfish’ for calling themselves suicide survivors is not the move#like. i was suicidal. my mother and father had to hide the kitchen knives level of suicidal#i’m by definition a survivor of suicide as i have attempted multiple times#i am ALSO a suicide survivor for the fact that my mom quite litcherally killed herself#which ykw that does? ykw grief does to a person? obviously fucking not#bc it makes u suicidal WOW who would have thought the person whose relative died to depression and suicide is ALSO SUICIDAL#i am prone to the sads#if u want to create a new term for either surviving your own attempts OR surviving someone else’s then do that#don’t just shit on grieving people for idfk. Grieving. that feels. IDK. SHITTY.#like dawg i did not ASK to be here. i want my fucking mom back. stop stepping on my toes when i did nothing to u#fuck u!!!!!!!#idfc if u dont like the term find a new one recoin smth DONT COME AFTER ME FOR MY MOM DYING#u can REALLYYYYYYYYYYY tell when someone has not experienced a close loved ones death#i’m not talking about meemaw or pawpaw dipshit i’m talking about your custodial parent. your sibling uve slept next to since birth. your bes#t friend who uve never let go of. until that happens u will not understand true grief over the death of a loved one#idk on animals yet bc i have not had a pet pass on me. yet. one of my cats is 15 tho so well see how that goes#and to lose someone to suicide is like! idk The Fucking Worst#sorry moots. this is /nbh i just wanted to indulge in other survivors stories on tumble er dot com but the first post i saw made me want to#rip my hair out. dear god
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It just sucks so bad. 21, the age at which i realized i was trans, isnt at all "too late" to realize, but it sucks so bad what our society, what the institution of transphobia, gets away with. The lie it forced on me for so long. I feel like i had so many moments when i could have easily realized i was trans as far back as about five years old when i saw something on the news about a trans girl and at the same time i was having thoughts like "What if reincarnation was real but you had to be a boy every time and could never be born as a girl?? Wouldnt that suuuuuck???", but they want you to think it could never be you. And it worked on me!!! Between my family and our society, i was conditioned to think that while it was totally Okay for somebody to be trans, it could Never be me, and i shouldnt even think about it unless i was 100% sure since birth- which, on some level, i believe i even was! But what they Want you to believe is that all trans people know without a doubt that theyre trans from birth, a lie which suppresses so many transgender people out of ever being happy. When i was in my teens i even had two friends who came out as transfem, and i was really happy for them, but even more, i was jealous. I wished i could be trans so that i could be as happy as they were! I wished i could experience that! But it just never clicked for me that i could easily have that just as easily as them. It was all about overcoming this feeling that society instills in you, that it could never be you. And the fact that even well meaning people perpetuate these sentiments is appalling. When my dad was accepting of me but also made sure to ask me How Sure I Was, he was himself a microcosm of what society worries itself with foremost- Are You Sure You're Trans? Have you wrung out every other possibility? Are you sure youll make it? They busy you with doubts and fears, because ultimately they of course want to dupe you out of it. They express possibly genuine and well meaning concern for your wellbeing and happiness without letting you make up your own mind. Railroading you into the mindset that if it was You, you would have realized long ago.
#idk its late im not sure if im saying anything that means anything. society is transphobic whatever. but i just wanted to do a little vent#trans talk
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