#like baby you could have done so many things differently but no ur giving PTSD TO A CHILD...

[fantasyhighdreamerz]

Yani's Mom (to be named....)

Local snake mom who over sexualizes her child for her own personal gain and for the goal of mortal power/prestige, thus ruining said child's perception of people in general. Leaving said child to believe whole-heartedly that everyone is her enemy especially other women who could threaten her position by also using the men around her. Unaware not only of the fact that solidarity between women exists in the first place but also that men themselves have personalities, dreams, goals, and emotions beyond sex.

Yani's mom everyone 👏👏

This woman is like a piece of work let me fucking tell you. The only thing she hasn't done is forced her child to go through with lip injections, nose job, etc other 'beauty' enhancers as a little kid. She's logical to a fault, and is aware of some of the damage that could do to a child/teen so she's waiting for Yani to come of age. The nose job thing is the first thing she wants Yani to 'fix' since Yani has a hooked nose. Though Yani's mom herself isn't 100% on what more humanoid beauty standers are given she lived in a Yuan Ti run district an yuan ti think humanoids are ugly as sin LMAO.

It's one reason why she was kicked out made her bitter as fuuckkk. Her and Yani live in a shit hole of a house, not that they don't have money her siblings who felt sorry for her when she was kicked out kinda send her a monthly check (they are aristocratic snake folk so the amount they give to Yani's mom is a lot to you and me but to them its like a drop of water in a bucket) she just refuses to use it on anything that isn't to help boost peoples perception of Yani. So Yani has all the best clothes, the newest crystal, shoes, nails accessories and anything else that's popular within richer society. What she doesn't have though?

Baby pictures ): only pics kept are ones that involve Yani's achievements. Her room is filled to the brim with clothes shoes bags and such but her walls are empty... Bookcase filled with things she doesn't care about and a desk with the state of the line pc but said pc just has a default background.

[peacheenie]

hl1/2 gordon scentric hc time

im rly feeling half life in this chillis tonight so....some....hc’s about everyones favourite free man, i have a lot so enjoy

-he’s actually mute and uses sign language but only about 50% of the time cuz people either don’t know what he’s saying or he can’t do it whilst holding like 20 different guns/weapons to protect himself so instead he makes big gestures a lot or writes down what hes trying to say (pretty much everyone at black mesa could understand him via sign language so he was very comfortable using it, during hl2 however he has to keep reminding himself not everyone is fluent and it frustrates him to no end)

-when he tries to speak it hurts and the most sound he can make is mumbles or little sqeaks so if theres ever a time he needs to alert someone to dangers reeeal quick he ends up hurting his throat a lot to try and make some kind of warning noise thats loud enough, he can hum tho and enjoys humming along to music as well as when he’s signing to try and convey some kind of emotion along with his facial features of which he emotes a LOT

-his hand writing looks like that of an actual dotors and its neat cursive but very hard to read so if he’s trying to write as a form of communication he just defaults to caps with big spaces inbetween and people (barney) tease him about it constantly (barney)

- hes incredibly short sighted without his glasses and ends up squinting a lot without them on and since he’s usualy default bitch facing he just looks very angry all the time when really he just cant see anything please dont be offended sir he didnt mean to upset you

-is actually very scared all the time abt like everything, hes literally just a scientist who just happened to be “the right man in the wrong place” and was just so determined to try and save those around him during the cascade that he pushed thorough his fears and anxiety to try and get the job done but he def has some form of ptsd after it all, barnicles specifically really freak him out because getting strangled and slowly lifted off of the ground into a row of razor sharp teeth is fucking TERRIFYING and he wouldnt wish it on anyone

-only reason he knows how to use guns is because barney would regularly take him down to the shooting range during their breaks and they’d see who could shoot straightest after a few drinks, barney would always win.

-after hl1 when he was put into stasis and he wakes up in hl2 hes lost like 20 years of his life and hates that fact terribly, all his friends have aged around him but hes still in his 20′s when he shouldnt be and he hates it so fucking much

-he also finds himself missing the feeling of the HEV suit terribly during the begining of his re-awakening in city 17, he’d grown so used to the feeling of it on him and keeping him safe that it makes him anxious without it and the cold air on his hands is also uncomfortable so he prefers wearing gloves all the time, when he finally gets the HEV suit back it feels like a weight has been lifted and he can finally stop worrying, the suits voice is also a comforting sound beccause its familiar and a sign that he’s not alone, same goes with the healing station and suit charging noises; they’re a comforting sound to hear and he enjoys humming along to the vrwwwrrrr vrrwwrrr vrwrrrrwr the machine makes when he plugs into the port

-he worries about overdosing on the healing stations a lot though; the morphone they give out is indefinite and once during the casade he’d passed out from taking to much and woken up to a zombie very slowly approaching him from down a corridoor but with how drowzy he was it was it was a horrible struggle to lift the gun and fire between dozing in and out

-he gets attached to people quickly since also during the cascade days he’d regularly meet people in danger who only had him to keep them safe so he tries his absolute hardest to make sure he can protect people even if that means he gets shot in the process, the suit usually protects him/heals him anyway so he’s used to it and if theres danger he almost default/automatically moves infront of people to make sure they’re okay without any concern for his own safety

-he also reeeally likes antlions and will pet them any chance he gets, he tried to do it when he first saw them and almost lost a hand so it makes him upset he has to kill them but when he finally gets the bug bite from the vorts? ohhhhohohoh he pets so many antlions, it again makes him sad he has to use them as like fodder for turrets and stuff but if an antlion comes back to him after taking down a turret or killing a combine he gives them extra pets and becomes a very proud papa

-since hes technically in his 30′s (and would be nearing his 40′s had he not been in stasis) he feels more of a big brother/fatherly bond toward Alyx since he’d also met her as a baby and finds any romantic involvement with her awkward, (so Elli’s comment on him “wanting grandkids” he ends up slapping the man on the arm with a frown to which Eli just laughs) this doesn’t help his attachment issue though so when they have to seperate to do things away from the other he worries for her safety even though she constantly assures him she can take care of herself and he KNOWS she can. he still really can’t help but worry though...

after hl2 ep2:

-when eli dies i dont like to think they all straight away go to mossman and instead get to spend some time mourning at the base, this gives gordon some time to finally sit down and relax for a little bit but he finds it incredibly hard to even take off the HEV suit at first because to him there was no passage of time between being put into stasis and waking up in city 17 all those years later; he’d closed his eyes, went into the portal and then the next second awakened in a completely unfamiliar place, in unfamiliar clothes with unfamiliar people (he definitely had a panic attack before geting off that very first train) and the thought of that happening again when he’s not prepared is terrifying.

-when he does finally take off the suit (after a lot of helping and reasuring from alyx, kleiner and barney a LOT from barney; theyre very good friends (;) he takes to wearing very comfy and heavy clothes such as jumpers, ponchos etc as well as a bullet proof vest because it makes him feel safe, the HEV suit gloves he retires entirely cuz theyre gross, definitely covered in his own blood and have been through hell so instead he has a bunch of different pairs he cycles through depending on how he feels that people around the base give him after learning about his fondness towards them

-he secretly carries a gun around with him even when they’re not in any danger becaus it’s another added layer of security and becaus he literally can’t trust things to not go bad EVER; now though nothing will go wrong again on his watch because he’ll be ready for it!! this really doesn’t help with his nerves though since he’s constantly looking for something to go wrong

scene specific hc’s:

-i always think abt that one specific sene in the train that gets derailed where alyx is trapped by a stalker and gordon has to pull it away with his gravity gun and i always imagine him franticly pulling it away with so much alarm on his face and such panic, when shes free though and has to stop to catch her breath gordon would give her a hug and make sure she’s okay cuz it must have been terrifying to have that thing screaming inches from ur face, gordon just instantly  goes into protect mode

-another scene that always comes to mind is when you first encounter an advisor and it makes that horrid loud noise where alyx is holding her head; i imagine gordon almost dropping the gravity gun in a panic to try and cover his ears because he doesn’t handle loud noises too well and it freaks him out so much alyx has to help him get out of the room since he kind of locks up on hearing it

-same goes when you get trapped by an advisor in a barn and almost become food for it; gordon is absolutely terrified at getting so up and close without being able to move that when it finally does drop him he starts hyperventilating and alyx has to protect him from the oncoming combine for a little while before he can catch his breath

-last scenes but some of my favorites are the ENTIRE sections of gordon being up close with breen, 

first being the teleporter malfunctioning and when gordons heavy breathing i imagine hes trying super hard not to start freaking out/hyperventilating and when breens doing his “i want that twink obliterated” spiel and then looks up and says his name, gordon almost looses it and internally is like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

second is when youre trapped in that like...metal contraption thing the stalkers are carried in and brought to breens officce and that entire section where breen is talking directly TO YOU i just adore it becausee gordon would have been looking away awkwardly unable to actually respond and furrowing his eyebrows at the nerve breen has upon thinking you would ever agree to any such terms and would definitely also spit in breens face as a response just like alyx did since he can’t use words

okay that is all, if you read all of these you’re amazing and i love u and also gordon hes an amazing “character” because i can insert as many of my own quirks into him as i please because valve literally never gave him a personallity :^)

[loghainmactir]

hewwo! i was wondering if u could pls give me some advice on starting my transition? ive been so scared to start bc of family and costs but ive decided to just. do it. yknow? like if i don't ill probably die lol. u look amazing and rly confident in yourself in all ur selfies and one day i wanna be Like That ✌️❤️

hi! ok, so first of all: yeah, i absolutely can give u advice, and second of all: i remember feeling exactly like you did. it literally wasn’t that long ago, either, it was like. 2013/14/15 (i can’t remember, time is fake, whatever lmao!). third of all: bless u yr so sweet. i still have a lotta issues with confidence (i doubt myself, my talent and what i can do literally hourly), but honestly? i love my body right now. it’s a good, genderless body, goddamnit.

long, long post ahead bc i’m trying to think of things i did and good god please take it with a grain of salt because a lot of this is just me ranting about things i wish I’D done in my own position. i’m also coming from a place where HRT and surgeries AREN’T free, so that’s also A Thing. everyone’s experience is different.

transitioning (particularly medically) really super fuckin varies country by country (and honestly probably even state by state, age by age and fuckin gender by gender because cis people won’t let us fucking BE goddamn): i don’t know where you are, so my only tips there r: find a trans friendly doctor/endo (i was kinda forced to go through a hospital bc That Was How It Was here in good ol’ Australia), and one people wholeheartedly recommend, if you wanna go that route.

my first point is make sure you find safe spaces in every goddamn aspect of your transition. medically, socially, physically. if you think your doctor is refusing you treatment or is discriminating against you, you NEED to ditch that doctor. if your friends and family are really verbally or physically violent against LGBT folks, you NEED to leave that space if you can (or not come out and wait until you can leave. seriously. i’m kinda lucky– my grandma was verbally violent against LGBT folks, and initially my mum was skepitcal, but i convinced them both to go to a group for LGBT+ parents and friends and they slowly turned around). get yourself friends, get yourself allies.

i cannot stress that enough. my first doctor refused to send my referral letter to the royal children’s hospital gender clinic because even tho he presented as a “nice” guy, he believed that because this was “”””out of the blue”””” for me, he figured he’d just Not Send It (and tried to tell me that a lotta kids there didn’t actually helpo, lol). so there i was, a young 15-16 year old alister, waiting like 2-3 months for something that didn’t even get fucking sent.

join trans groups on facebook and in real life. seriously, they’re a godsend; there’s buy-and-sells, advice posts, encouragement posts. ESPECIALLY local ones. most of them on facebook are private, meaning no one can see if you’re posting/in the group, and it’s easy to check if they’re not. these fb pages + local groups are good ways to find trans friendly spaces and doctors. i found my current doctor, who’s actually one of the very few doctors who knows what the fuck he’s on about re: trans people, through a real life trans group. they were like “oh, you should see x”, and even though he’s about 30-40 minutes away from me, he’s brilliant and honestly saved my life.

along those lines: figure out what you want from your transition, and then realize & accept that this may change (and it also may not change!). very early on, i was super insistent that i wanted phalloplasty and to wear packers, and now i couldn’t care less. at first, i identified as agender, and then as a trans guy/ftm, and now i identify as a Black Hole (i’m kidding, don’t @ me). like, a lotta people DON’T change their minds. but i did, some people do, and it shouldn’t be anyone’s business but your own what you want to do with your body 

(sidenote: this also goes for detransitioning or stopping medical transition but continuing to socially transition/present differently. literally, it’s fine. it’s your body. fuck anyone who says otherwise.)

again: FUCK ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE.

your body is literally your body. do NOT let anyone tell you what to do with it or who you are. i had people very early on scream at me (legitimately scream and throw me out of home, thanks grandma), tell me i wasn’t actually trans, and harrass me for this shit: but frankly, if i’d put myself back in the closet, i wouldn’t be alive right now. i would’ve killed myself years ago, and i wish i wasn’t kidding. if it’s safe, you need to stand up for your own body and your rights and put yourself somewhere that will allow you to follow through. you need to keep going and keep living.

my only other two pieces of advice are “patience, baby”– like, for real, every single part of transition takes time. this varies from where you are and who’s supporting you, but it’s generally true. it takes time for people to accept new names and pronouns 

(lotta people get furious about this, and i used to be one of those people, but hindsight’s a bitch and you gotta realize that… like, it’s hard for some cis people. you gotta give them a little bit of wiggle room, especially if they’ve never ever met a trans person before. it’s about reminders, reminders, reminders: which is SO hard if you’re not safe/don’t have the confidence. there IS a flip side to this though: if chad and stacey have known your new pronouns for months, now, and they keep “””slipping””” up, they’re not slipping up, honey. they’re doing it on purpose. kick their teeth in i’m kidding please don’t do this you know what i mean.)

it takes time for HRT to kick in. it takes time to gather a Look™ of your own you like, it takes time to build confidence to even tell people, it takes time to save up money for surgeries and it just… takes time. sometimes because it’s a naturally slow process, sometimes because cis people are Cis People and like to gatekeep. i remember being very young in my transition, sitting in the car after one of my appointments with the afformentioned shithead doctor bawling my eyes out because he’d told me i wouldn’t be able to access t for x amount of time and it was bullshit. this year i’ll be 2 years on t. wild, huh? there’s a lot of us and not equal amounts of resources (ESPECIALLY in public systems) depending on where you are, so you gotta be prepared to WAIT.

i’ll tell you what super helped me through those years: hyping myself up for other things! i still have the ticket from my first twenty one pilots show. that show meant SO much to me. i cried all through it, because waiting for that show kept my mind off of the wait for my royal children’s appointments (and even waiting to go up to melbourne bc my mum and i would go and get kebabs was a good thing to focus on!). keep things that aren’t trans related on hand (seriously i struggled with this because dysphoria and shit is fucking hard!! it’s easy to say but really fucking hard to put into practice).

(one day i’m gonna tell tyler and josh just how much they saved my goddamn life. i know they hear it weekly, but i will.)

my other thing is that uh. it won’t solve all your problems especially if you’ve got mental illnesses. this is a really fuckin depressing thing i had to drill into my brain, but it really helped. transitioning solved SO many of my issues. i no longer have back issues (thanks, like, literal kilo titties, lmao), i no longer have sore ribs and i can breathe and wear shirts. i lost so much weight (and am kinda gaining it back, but whatever). i no longer have anxiety about whether people can tell i’m binding– which is WILD because i used to stress the fuck out about it to the point where i never went out anywhere. i used to sit on the bus wondering if the person next to me could tell i had titties. now it literally doesn’t even register.

my issues now stem from PTSD, depression, BPD and ADHD. how do you fix this? you don’t. but what HAS helped is finding a therapist who won’t pressure you into talking about trans shit. lemme tell you: this shit gets exhausting after the fifth time of “oh i googled ‘can you become a boy’ when i was, like, nine” (this is my go to story because this memory is so vivid). of course, there’s gonna be moments where you HAVE to: my therapist recently actively asked me to briefly run through it for my PTSD report. but otherwise we literally haven’t talked about it and that is a GODSEND (because i don’t need it. if you need it, that’s good, too!). having a therapist that you can just wordvomit at wrt anything is literally the best thing and can be super helpful– seriously, there were a few trans-related sessions where i just snarled about the bullshit gatekeeping and the bastard i had to see for my therapist letter (oooh, every time i think abt the fact that it was something like $400-500 for two fucking sessions i get so mad lol), but outta 14 it’s really only like 2-3 of them.

but yeah. that’s it. i dunno, these are things that i’ve learnt and sorta… like to think as helpful for myself. of course, this could be different for you: you’re not me, you’re entirely different, in no doubt an entirely different country, social, financial, mental state. i was FUCKED UP when i first came out. i didn’t know that then, but i do now. i spent a lotta time by myself and that’s not healthy, so i really encourage you to reach out to our community, local and worldly, because oh my god, we’re here for you. we are SO here for you.

[choisgirls]

Hoi! I mean hi! So ummmmm idk if ur still doing requests but....* is shy for no reason ahdnfn* could you do a rfa+V+ Saeran wrap ( yes I call him that) where mc has a service dog because they have ptsd or something like that...???

A/N: Hi love! Sorry ittook so long, but no need to be shy! You’re free to stop by any time~ I’ll domy best here. I’ve never experienced PTSD /myself/ so I did some research andtook what I knew from previous psych and health classes, but still felt if Iwere to… attempt to reference PTSD itself, I wouldn’t have represented it sowell ^^;;; so im sorry it’s a little vague there, i went more for how they’d react to the dog!! But i hope this is okay!!

(and no worries, iused to call saeran that all the time~)

Masterlist~

*YOOSUNG:

               -He honestly thought you justreally liked your dog and wanted to bring it along

               -But if you’re comfortableenough to tell him, “Hey, this is my service dog” he’ll freak out

               -Because!!! He didn’t know!!!He’s been trying to pet the dog this whole time and your baby was just tryingto do its job, MC, he’s so sorry

               -Out of all of them though, yourdog is the safest in his hands

               -??? He’s in school to be a vet,of course your baby is safest in his hands

               -Not to mention, he was aroundhis cousin when she had a dog she relied on for support and help as well, sohe’s actually really glad you have your service pup because he knows how muchof a difference they can make

*ZEN:

               -When you tell him that yousuffer from something like PTSD, he’s immediately concerned for you. Are youalright? What can he do to help you through the harder times?

               -Extremely relieved to hear youhave a companion- questioned once if it was another man and was only 73%joking.

               -Was nervous at first because?If it’s a pet he really hopes it isn’t a cat… he’d try to suffer through hisallergy but knows he wouldn’t be able to. But you would’ve told him in thebeginning that you had a cat… wouldn’t you have?

               -Upon finding out you have adog, he’s head over heels. He can see how much the dog cares about you and howstrong they are. Respects that they’re so professional

               -But you have to scold him everynow and then when he’s spoiling the dog. Yes love and care is always needed foryour service dog but giving them too many treats is bad, Zen, stop

               -Hey if you need your dog towork out, ya know, he can take them on jogs with him. Totally not because hewants to test his endurance against your dogs. Nope, not at all

 *JAEHEE:

               -Honestly surprised by yourservice dog?

               -She isn’t afraid of dogs persay but sometimes she’s wary of them. The smaller they are, the meaner theyare. “They have less space to diffuse their anger, MC.”

               -When she first met your servicedog and they stood at attention she just stared at them, engaging in a staringcontest. She whispered to you, “Can they sense fear???”

               -A long conversation and lots ofcomforting touches later, she realized why you need the comfort of your servicedog and see’s them in a completely new light

               -Knew dogs were a humans bestfriend but didn’t know that they could be this reliable and understanding

               -Actually goes to your dog whenshe’s upset as well, but is sure never to overwhelm them because you are theirmain priority always and refuses to upset either of you

*JUMIN:

               -He was pretty much against thedog because? What if it hurts his dear Elizabeth? He would never accept that

               -Unless you tell him that, uh,you kinda need your baby. They’re your service dog and they help you out witheveryday life sometimes

               -Then he’ll offer to sit downand talk it out with you

               -Because in a way, Elizabethbecame a sort of therapy cat of his own, so hearing how your dog helps youthrough things like PTSD, he’ll come up with something the two of you couldwork out.

               -Honestly though? Your dog isn’tgoing to harm Elizabeth and once he observes them for a while and realizesthat, he’ll actually grow to enjoy your dogs company

               -Says he doesn’t, but he spoilsyour dog when you aren’t looking. He’ll give them belly rubs, expensive collarsand vests, and he definitely makes sure they’re allowed into everywhere you go-if they weren’t allowed before, they are now

*SAEYOUNG:

               -Honestly when you tell him he’sbasically like “Yeah, that’s okay, no problem MC! I like dogs!” You’vegone through some heavy stuff, if your dog helps you then of /COURSE/ he’s okaywith it. Tries to be calm, cool, collected, c h i l l. But it changes when heactually meets your dog.

               -He’s created a whole new socialmedia following for them. Their Instagram is full of amazing pictures of themlooking majestic, strong, and at attention- ya know, working.

               -Doesn’t try to distract yourdog at all, just admires him from afar and loves to watch the two of youinteract

               -Though sometimes he /does/ usesome of his agent training to see if he can sneak around and get close to you-kind of like testing your dog. “I’m training them to be even better,MC!”

               -You admit that it is prettyfunny to watch him dangle from on top of the bookshelf to give you a kiss whileyour dog furiously barks at him to get down and away from you

               -10/10 supporter of dressing upyour dog. They are his cosplay buddy and he’s very happy. It’s not taking themaway from their job, MC! They’re just dressed up! It’s okay!

 *JIHYUN:

               -Thrilled!

               -Jumin tried multiple times whenJihyun was having eyesight troubles to get a service dog to help him out, andat one point he seriously considered it

               -So he’s done research on how totreat them, care for them, things of the sort and will remember all of that sohe can interact correctly with your dog!

               -Respects his distance and letsyour dog get used to him before ever petting him or even ghosting his fingersover any part of you.

               -Forgot once and hugged you frombehind- you were alright with it because you heard him walk up but your servicedog blew up. Constant barking, pulling on his pants leg, trying to get inbetween the two of you. You thought it was funny but Jihyun didn’t walk upbehind the two of you for a few weeks

               -Loves your service dog andloves how much love they have for you, instantly accepts them as part of yourlittle family- he can trust them to take care of you when he’s away

 *SAERAN:

               -You’ve been through some stuff,he’s been through some stuff too- respects that you may need some help withdealing with it all, so he’s totally okay with your dog. Wants to fightwhatever haunts you though

               -Honestly, I can see the /dog/being the one to initiate the relationship with Saeran

               -Because they’re trained tosense the negative emotions and distress in people, so of course they couldsense Saeran’s

               -But obviously they’re trainedfor you and you’re their main priority, so he kind of just pushes the dog awayfrom him because??? Leave me alone?? You’re MC’s?? Take care of them??

               -Tries to pretend that hedoesn’t like their attention, but he does. When they jump up and lay next tohim, head in his lap, he can’t help but scratch behind their ear and ithonestly is relaxing but he won’t tell you

               -THE DOG TAKES YOUR PLACE IN THEBED SOMETIMES. If you come to bed late, your dog’s laying there instead.They’re cuddling. Neither of them move. What little bitches