#i saw reviews that said that but i was determined to form my own opinion

[neverbeforeandneversince]

season 3 of The Bear isn’t good...

[sisterspooky1013]

Tell Me When by SisterSpooky1013

For @inuendo-outuendo for the 2021 X Files Smut fanfic exchange

3982 words / Rated E / Read it here on AO3

“Scully?” he asks, and she realizes she didn’t hear the question.

“Hm?”

“Do you want the last slice of pizza?” he repeats, pointing to the nearly empty box of Canadian bacon and pineapple.

She shakes her head, taking a deep breath to ground herself in the moment. They sit on the bed in his motel room, reviewing case notes while a rerun of MASH plays on the small TV. He’s been going on about how often arson investigators are wrong about the origin of the fire, and how the way that they determine that an accelerant was used has been widely disputed. That they should not form their opinions on this case around the theory that the fire was set intentionally.

She’s been trying to listen, trying very hard, but he’s wearing that shirt. That Queen T-shirt with the hole in the armpit. It’s the one he was wearing when-

She closes her eyes tight against the memory.

“You okay?” he asks, and the genuine concern in his voice really isn’t helping.

“Yeah, I’m just tired, I think I’ll go to bed,” she replies, rising from her seat beside him.

She passes through the adjoining door between their rooms, pulling her side closed before she flops onto the bed with an exasperated exhale. It’s been over a month and she expected it to get better with time, but it’s only getting worse.

That night had been a mistake. A stupid, thoughtless mistake. She’d made the conscious decision to step close and press her fingertips into his hip bones, steadying herself against him as she pushed up on to her tiptoes and kissed him on the mouth. Everything after that had been choices her body made with no concern at all for what her mind might have to say in the matter. It was like an out of body experience, her consciousness hovering above them and watching helplessly as she sated every desire she’d been suppressing for seven years and some months.

The phrase “it all happened so fast” had always struck her as cliche. And yet one second they were kissing, and the next his fingers were deep inside her, stroking her g-spot as she struggled to pull in a full breath. She blinked and his tongue was between her thighs, lapping at her as though her pussy alone could sustain his life, like he needed her more than air. She pushed gently at his head, making excuses, telling him he didn’t have to. When he pinned her hands to the bed and doubled his efforts, she came hard against his tongue, so hard she saw stars. She blinked again and now it was his cock that was inside her, slipping in and out fast and hard, knocking her rhythmically against his headboard until he wrapped his hand around her skull protectively. Blink again and she was in her car on the way home, chewing nervously on her lip as her consciousness settled back into her body. As it asked her what she had done. She might have tried to convince herself she’d imagined it, if not for the slick of his cum in her panties and the tenderness between her legs when she washed herself in the shower the next morning.

Regret. Shame. Embarrassment. Facing him again was the hardest thing she’s ever done, and she’s done some hard things. She’d knocked on his apartment door, unable to meet his eye when he answered. Unable to look at his face as she told him that it was a mistake, and how sorry she was for initiating it. He didn’t speak as she stared at his long bare toes against the hardwood, begging that they pretend it never happened. When she was finished, she forced a glance at him and his expression was neutral, open, accepting.

“Okay,” he’d said, and she left. They haven’t spoken of it since.

Peeling herself from her motel bed, she flips on the shower. Scrubbing the memory from her skin, she attempts to wash it down the drain along with the slickness that had gathered between her legs while thinking about it. She knows it was a mistake, and she knows that it can’t happen again. She knows this, and yet her body betrays her. The smell of his deodorant alone is enough to send her into a tailspin, drawing her to him like a heat seeking missile. There’s a certain way he groans when he’s frustrated that is remarkably similar to the sound he made while his lips were wrapped around her clit. She’s found herself trying to frustrate him just to hear it. She wants him again, so badly. But she can’t. She won’t.

Fully cleansed, she pulls on a T-shirt and cotton shorts. The shower did very little to quench her thirst and so she decides to try working as a distraction. She left Mulder’s room before she had a chance to review the most recent autopsy report, and she was in such a hurry to get out of there that she hadn’t even grabbed it. Moving to the adjoining door, she opens her side to see that his is slightly ajar, their standard signal that company is welcome. Pushing it open slowly, she opens her mouth to speak but stops short when she sees him.

He’s standing at the foot of the bed, facing her. A towel covers his head and he’s rubbing it roughly over his hair, drying off after a shower. He is fully nude, droplets of water trailing down his belly and beading in his dark thatch of pubic hair. He’s flaccid, but still impressive, the plump mushroom tip of him resting invitingly against his scrotum. Her heart starts thrumming in her chest like a jackhammer and she slides her tongue along her lower lip, breath coming out in pants like a dog in heat. She practically salivates at the sight of him, new wetness pooling where she had just washed it away.

When she forces her eyes higher, over the ripples of his taut abdomen and the smooth plain of his chest, she finds that the towel is now draped around his neck, and he’s looking at her curiously.

Her eyes widen in surprise and shock, her mouth rooting for words. Any words. Say. Words. Dana. A tiny smirk plays at the corners of his mouth.

“I’m so sorry, Mulder. Um, your door was open,” she finally stammers, averting her eyes.

“Don’t worry about it,” he replies, pulling the towel down and wrapping it around his hips. “Nothing you haven’t seen before, right?”

She can feel her cheeks redden even further, if that’s possible.

“I just...I came to get the autopsy report,” she says, hand still on the doorknob, gaze on the floor.

He walks over to the small desk and picks up a folder before bringing it to her. He’s so close, and so fresh and smooth, and so...Mulder. He holds the folder out to her and she can feel the warmth radiating off his skin. She takes it, dropping her arm to her side, and then just stands there. It’s like he has a magnetic pull on her that she can’t break away from. Compelled by a force more powerful than her self control, she stays right where she is.

“Something else I can do for you, Scully?” he asks in a syrupy voice, and she lifts her eyes to look at his face. His irises are wide and dark, his lips slightly parted. He’s aroused.

“Mulder…” she says, but can’t quite finish the thought. She doesn’t quite need to.

He steps a little closer, invading her space, inviting her into his. He’s still holding eye contact.

“Mulder, we shouldn’t. We can’t.” She scolds her own voice for coming out so weak, so unconvincing.

“Why?” he asks in a tender whisper that makes the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

“We agreed, Mulder. We agreed that it should never have happened. That it can’t happen again.”

He sighs. “I didn’t agree to anything, Scully. You said you wanted to forget it ever happened and I respected your wishes. That doesn’t mean I feel the same way.”

She drops her gaze to somewhere around his shoulder. “We work together, Mulder. It’s unprofessional, and inappropriate, and….we can’t.”

“Okay. Like I said, if that’s what you want then I’ll respect it. Sorry for being captain obvious here, Scully, but you’re the one who’s still standing in my room,” he says before adding in a low tone, “I can’t help but wonder if you’re trying to convince me or yourself.”

She drops her eyes even lower, frustrated with herself because he’s right, and her eye catches the tent at the front of his towel. He’s hard. She swallows. She looks up at his face again and she can see his jaw working with restraint, his breaths controlled and shallow. She’s told him no and he will never, ever violate that boundary; he respects her too much. Which is a real shame because right now she wishes that he would ignore everything she’s saying and throw her onto his bed.

No such luck. She has to make a conscious choice.

Her fingers trembling, she reaches out and tentatively touches the edge of the towel at his hips. His eyes widen almost imperceptibly, a stream of air rushing out of his nose. Letting the file drop to the floor, she brings her other hand to lie on his chest, feeling the quickened pace of his heartbeat under her palm and the smooth, shower-fresh warmth of his skin. His eyes are on her mouth and she opens it reflexively, inviting him inside. He’s stock still, unmoving. Wordless invitations are not sufficient. She’s verbally told him no, and now she must verbally tell him yes.

“Kiss me,” she says in a near-whisper, in someone else’s voice, with someone else’s intentions.

A tiny little groan echoes in the depths of his throat.

“I’d like to, Scully, but you just told me you didn’t want to do that. I’m not sure I can live through another morning-after regret conversation,” he says in reply, and there’s pain in his voice.

Her heart aches, knowing that she’d hurt him with her own self-judgment. She’d rejected him without meaning to.

“I’m sorry, Mulder,” she says softly, searching his face with her eyes. “It’s not about you, it’s me. I just...it’s not that I don’t want you. I do. But I’m afraid.”

His mouth puckers a little with emotion, maybe relief, knowing that it was never him she was running from. Knowing that she wants him.

He takes her hand from his chest, bringing it to his lips and kissing each finger tip one at a time as she watches, mesmerized. When he’s done, he places it back on his pectoral and covers it with both of his own.

“I would never hurt you, Scully,” he says with so much tenderness that tears prick at her eyes.

She nods softly. “I know,” she finally says, barely audibly.

He bends down then and kisses her, fully but sweetly. It’s a promise and an agreement, one they both commit to this time. As in all things, not knowing what the future holds but knowing that whatever it is they will get through it together.

She slips her index finger under the edge of the towel and tugs. It drops to the floor with a soft whoosh, draping around his feet. The kiss deepens, tongues gently exploring surfaces hard and soft, wet and hot. She wraps her arms around his waist, touching the skin of his bare back. Slipping her hands lower to cup his ass, she pulls him closer and they both groan when his growing erection pushes into her belly.

This isn’t happening so fast, she thinks. She is present, and consciously choosing this again and again. Choosing Mulder, choosing pleasure, choosing to let go for once.

He stoops down and slips his hands under her backside, lifting her up as her legs wrap around his hips. He takes two steps forward and her back is against the wall next to the open door between their rooms, his cock pushing against the juncture of her leg and crotch.

They kiss languidly as he thrusts gently against her, his hands snaking under her T-shirt to knead her breasts, pinching her nipples as she moans into his mouth. He’s so hard and so close, and she’s not wearing panties. The thought sends a throb to her clit. She shifts her hips around, dropping inches lower until he’s right there, the smooth head of him prodding against her opening, slipping right past the thin cotton of her shorts.

“Oh fuck,” he rumbles. “Is this okay?” he asks, needing to be sure before he goes any further.

“Yes,” she replies breathlessly, “please.”

He moans long and low, nuzzling his nose into the crook of her neck as he pushes and shifts, finding just the right angle until he slips inside, filling her.

Her head drops back against the wall, mouth falling open in ecstasy and relief, a single piercing cry echoing in the quiet hotel room.

He stays still for a moment, kissing her neck as his breath heaves in anticipation. When she tilts her head back down, taking his face between her palms and kissing him, he begins to slowly pump in and out. Long, deep, slow strokes. So different than before, so much less frenzied. The first time had felt like they were trying to finish before they got caught, or came to their own senses, or changed their minds. Now they take their time, kissing and stroking, touching and exploring, enjoying each sensation. The only sounds are the soft smacks of their lips, the occasional moans escaping their throats, and the wet slide of his length as he moves within her.

He pushes her shirt up to expose her breasts, dipping his head to take a peaked nipple between his lips and suckling gently as she scrapes her fingernails over his scalp in encouragement. Her back is starting to hurt from being crammed against the wall but she can’t bring herself to stop what they’re doing. Mulder must have been thinking something similar because he suddenly clutches her to him and walks them over to the bed, staying inside her all the way.

He lays her down on the edge of the bed, him standing before her, and pushes her shirt up and off, tossing it aside. Next he withdraws from her and tugs her shorts down and off her hips, his glistening hard-on bobbing in the space between them expectantly. She’s expecting him to slide back in and resume what they were doing, but instead he kneels on the floor between her legs. She looks down at him, preparing to speak. Preparing to object.

“If you don’t like this,” he interjects, “I won’t do it. But if you’re about to tell me not to bother because you think I’m just doing you a favor, you should know that this,” he pauses and drags his tongue in one long, hard stroke over her dripping sex, “is all I’ve thought about every day for the past month.”

Her eyes roll back in her head and she drops against the bed as he begins his assault, licking and lapping at her with all the devotion and enthusiasm she’s been conjuring in her own fantasies since that first night. His tongue is soft while his fingers are firm, spreading her open and dipping inside, flicking and grazing and pressing, skirting gently down over her asshole to gage her response, learning her. Two lessons in and he’s ready to graduate as an orgasm begins to tingle in her toes, building and building.

“Tell me,” he lifts his lips from her briefly to speak. “Tell me when you’re coming.”

She shudders, brought further just by the sound of his voice. She’s almost there. She feels the telltale clench that will bring her over the edge and he groans, feeling the same thing around his fingers, or his tongue. She doesn’t know what part of him is inside her but she doesn’t care. Her breath is hitching, her moans continuous, drying out her open mouth until she swallows hard, trying to gather enough saliva to effectively speak.

Swell, rising, peaking, up to the point she can go no higher, she can’t turn back, not that she wants to. It’s inevitable now.

“Oh, I’m coming,” she pants, and he growls as she falls apart, throbbing against his mouth as he continues to stroke her with his tongue. His fingers are deep inside pushing against her pulsing g-spot, making it longer, harder, better than it has ever been. After the initial explosion he continues to tease smaller waves of pleasure from her and she doesn’t think she’s ever continued to orgasm for this long. She hears a fricative sound and sees his arm pumping vigorously. He’s touching himself.

“Oh my god,” she croons, overwhelmed by sensation, by pleasure, by release.

It becomes too much and she touches the top of his head, signals him to stop, then pushes herself away from the edge of the bed and lays on the pillows at the head. He climbs up beside her, nestling into her side and kissing her face tenderly while his hardness prods her thigh.

She kisses his mouth, tasting herself on his tongue, and reaches down to stroke him firmly. He groans and bucks into her hand, and she lets her leg fall to the side, tugging on his arm until he rolls on top of her. He slips back in easily, she is so wet and ready, and they quickly resume the pace they’d enjoyed against the wall. Long, firm strokes accompanied by deep kisses and hands exploring. He lifts her leg and rests it on his shoulder, deepening his angle, and while she knows she can’t come again this soon it still feels so damn good. He’s breathing hard and his eyes are closed, his mouth falling open and his eyebrows lifting impossibly higher as he approaches his own release.

“Tell me,” she says, panting. “Tell me when you’re coming.”

His eyes shoot open and he looks at her with a ravenous expression, intense and frantic as he quickens his pace. The rhythmic slapping of their bodies as they meet is deafening, the soft nudge of his balls against her ass on each upstroke a sensation she will recall later and blush. His face crumples, the sweet agony of orgasm distorting his features into something beautiful and vulnerable.

“I’m coming, fuck, I’m coming,” he bellows, and she feels the hot spurt of him against her cervix, the throb of him against her still-sensitive walls.

She watches him raptly, mesmerized by this face that is new to her and so deeply intimate. Just when she thought she knew every expression that could inhabit his face, here is another one. Perhaps her new favorite.

He collapses, half his weight draped over her and half on the bed, and they lie there for minutes, catching their breath. Finally he stands and goes into the bathroom. She hears the tap running and he comes back with a dampened washcloth, dragging it gently between her legs. The gesture is so tender and sweet, it makes her chest ache.

He returns, turning off the light and slipping under the sheets to lie beside her, curling his lanky frame around her petite one.

“Stay,” he says in a pleading tone. He’s expecting her to say no.

“Okay,” she replies.

They fall asleep in each other’s arms.

&&

He wakes to the unfamiliar sensation of a naked backside tucked firmly against his groin. Blinking in the darkened room, he remembers and smiles against her hair, pulling in a deep breath full of her shampoo and the smell of their sex. His arm is draped over her waist, one hand cupping a warm breast, and he can feel himself growing hard against her. His initial reaction is to be embarrassed and try to conceal it, but then he has the thought that maybe he doesn’t have to anymore. As his cock stiffens, it finds itself wedged between his leg and the bottom of her ass cheek and he instinctively thrusts his hips a little, seeking friction. She stirs and he freezes, feigning sleep. Her breathing tells him that she’s awake, maybe having the same moment of realization he did. When she wiggles her backside against him a little, he’s sure. He groans and she does it again, more firmly this time. He allows his hand to squeeze gently at the breast currently in its possession and it’s her turn to moan. He’s thrusting against her in earnest now, his length threading between her ass cheeks until he feels her hand touch the head, pressing it against her opening until he routes inside.

Hot, wet, and tight. So unbelievably tight. He pushes his face into the crook of her neck and kisses the skin there frantically, pumping at a pace he won’t be able to keep up for long. Reaching down, he grasps her knee and pulls her leg up to hitch the ankle behind his thigh, then slips his hand down to touch the place where their bodies meet. His fingers slide along the length of his own cock as it pistons in and out of her, gathering moisture, before he circles her clit with his middle finger. He experiments with different levels of pressure and patterns of movement until he finds the one that makes her clench around him as her breath hitches in her throat. They haven’t said a word, but she is pulsing and whimpering and he’s close, so close that he hopes she gets there soon or he might leave without her. Suddenly, she hisses out “oh god, oh yes, oh god,” and then he feels her grip him like a vice. The feeling of her coming around him is overwhelming and he follows her over the edge, muttering obscenities into her ear as he pours himself into her.

This time there is no towel. He falls back asleep before he’s even fully retreated from her, clutching her to him like the prize that she is. Mine, mine, mine, he wants to tell her, but he doesn’t.

It’s 6 am when he hears the beeping of her alarm through the wall, and she’s untangling herself from his arms, sticky and sweat-damp. He’s so afraid that he’ll have to see the shame in her eyes as she tells him again that he was a mistake, so he pretends to be asleep. Before she crosses the boundary back into her own space, she leans over him and kisses his sleep-still lips, lingering for a beat. He’s too cautious to let himself think that’s a good sign; once bitten twice shy and all.

Ninety minutes later she joins him in the rental car, showered and pressed and erased of any sign of their entanglement. He watches her for indications that she’s upset; avoiding eye contact, stiff posture, set jaw. He sees none of that, just regular old Scully, carefully cradling her styrofoam cup of shitty motel coffee as she settles into the passenger seat. She glances at him and worry clouds her face as she catches his pensive expression.

“You okay, Mulder?” she asks, eyebrows furrowed in that way he finds adorable.

He nods reassuringly, a small smile on his lips. “Just tired, didn’t get enough sleep,” he offers, not thinking through the implication.

“Sorry about that,” she says softly before taking a sip of her coffee, and he can see the smile she’s trying to hide behind the cup.

“Don’t be,” he returns, starting the engine as a feeling of relief and contentment washes over him. “More than worth it.”

Tagging @today-in-fic

[hamliet]

The Girl Who Gets to Have It All: Buffy Summers

So with @linkspooky​‘s encouragement, I have binged Buffy the Vampire Slayer and relived my childhood culture. And, it's a 10/10 for me. Not that it doesn't have flaws, but it's genuinely one of the best stories I've seen, with consistent character arcs, powerful themes, and a beautiful message. It's also like... purportedly about vampires and demons and superpowered chosen ones, but it's actually all about humanity.

Buffy was able to be a teenage girl, allowed to like the things teen girls are scorned for (boys, shopping, etc), to be insecure about the thing teenage girls are insecure about (future careers, dating, school, parents), and to be a superhero with its good and its bad aspects. The story wasn’t afraid to call Buffy on her flaws (sometimes she got in a very ‘I am the righteous chosen one’ mode) and to respect and honor each of her desires (to be a good person, to be loved, and more). The story listened to what she wanted and respected her desires, giving her the challenges needed to overcome her flaws while also never teaching her a lesson about wanting bad boys or romance is silly or any manner of dark warnings stories like to throw at teenage girls. 

It respected teenage girls--nerdy girls like Willow, jocks like Buffy, lonely wallflowers with trauma like Dawn, and popular/snobby ones like Cordelia, girls gone wild like Faith. It never once reduced them to the stereotypes that were lurking right there: each character was fully rounded, human, flawed and yet with respected interests and goals. This is so rare for a story that I’m still in awe. 

The story as a whole follows Buffy from 15 to 21, of her as she grows from teenager to adult. She acts like a teenager and grows to act like a young adult, wrestling with loneliness and duty. The adults, like Giles, Joyce, and Jenny, are not perfect either, but neither are they “bad parents” or “bad mentors” necessarily. Joyce in particular says something terrible to Buffy, but she tries to do better, and it’s rare to see a parent in YA stories shown with such nuance. Basically, it wrote the long-lasting adult characters as human beings, too. 

Speaking of growing up, I appreciated how Buffy’s love interests mirrored this. Angel was someone Buffy loved and admired, wanted to be like, but who was always either extreme good or extreme bad, and combined with Buffy’s own tendencies towards black-white thinking, made for a beautiful relationship to help her grow, but didn’t necessarily form a foundation for a long-term partner. Spike, on the other hand... they both saw each other at their worst and were drawn to each other even then, and were inspired to become better because they couldn’t bear to be a person who treated the other person so wrongly. They pushed each other to become the best them they could be, and believed in each other. Also, Spuffy is an enemies to lovers ship for the ages. 

(Also, most of the other ships were well-done or at least can be understood. Riley was very obviously wrong for Buffy which paralleled Harmony and Spike in being 100% wrong for each other. Cordelia and Xander were a fun ship even if we all knew it would never last, and Willow and Oz were beautiful and cute. But Xander and Anya and Willow and Tara? OTPs. As were Giles and Jenny, the librarian and the computer teacher.) 

That said, it’s not a perfect series. No story is. All of the characters and ships had problematic aspects to them worthy of critique, and the writing is very 90s in a lot of ways. It’s a product of its time, and in many ways it’s good society has progressed beyond some of the tropes/metaphors used in the show. In other way, though, the show was ahead of its time, and in a good way it wasn’t bound by the fear of purity policing with its takes on redemption (many characters would never fly today). 

So, in order of seasons ranked from my very favorite to my “still enjoyed it very much” (no season was actually bad, imo), here’s my review. I’ll also review my top 10 villains in the show, because Buffy does villains very well in terms of the redeemable and irredeemable.  

Season 7:  Yep, the final season was my favorite. 

Overall Opinion: Buffy's finale is literally "f*ck them men, our power is ours" and while it seems cheesy it actually works (also, f*ck in both a literal and figurative sense). The series strongly hit all the themes: love as strength, and redemption. Buffy consistently shows love as her strength--*all* kinds of love. Friendship w Willow/Xander, familial with Joyce/Dawn, romantic with Spike/Angel. These types of love are also never pitted against each other as is so often the case in current-day media. It's beautiful. Also, Spike’s confrontation with Wood was so powerful in terms of exploring forgiveness, redemption, and reconciliation: where they overlap and where they don't, and what it means to move forward. 

Unpopular Opinion: I have seen a lot didn’t like the inclusion of Potential Slayers, and while I agree they could have been better incorporated/characterized, it was a great way to show Buffy’s final stage of growing up to be ending her chosen one status and projecting/multiplying her powers over the world. 

Biggest Critique: Kennedy was female Riley--the anti-Tara to Riley’s anti-Angel (by ‘anti’ I mean opposite in every way). Kennedy was annoying and immature. Her role, like Riley’s, was less about exploring her as a character and more about her just being stamped as “love interest: lesbian.” 

Favorite Episodes: Beneath You, Lies My Parents Told Me, Touched, Chosen

Season 6: 

Overall Opinion: I said this on Twitter, but I felt like this was Buffy’s The Last Jedi or Empire Strikes Back moment. It is polarizing and dark, deconstructing the tropes it stands on--but by digging to the core of these tropes, it actually makes what’s good about them shine brighter. Everyone’s enemy was the worst versions of themselves. Giles left Buffy, Willow's struggle to relate to the world led to her trying to destroy it, Buffy hurt everyone through her anger, Xander abandoned Anya at the altar, Spike... yeah. It ages well as an integral part of the story, and the Trio were eerily prophetic. 

Unpopular Opinion: Dawn is a great character with a good arc. A traumatized teen acting out and struggling to come to terms with loss and identity? She wasn’t whiny; she was realistic. 

Biggest Critique: Willow’s addiction coding (I’ll discuss this below) and Seeing Red as an episode. I see the argument for both of its controversial scenes from a narrative perspective: Willow starts the season not grieving Buffy but instead being determined to fix it with magic and needs to learn to grieve, but. Still. Bury your gays is not a good look. For the Spike scene... he conflates sex/passion and violence (”love is blood, children” is something he said way back in season 3), but like Tara’s death, it had more to do with Spike (as Tara’s death did for Willow) than with Buffy’s arc, and as for the actual execution... they really botched that. Did it like... have to go on that long or go that far? No. Also, the framing was good, but inconsistent with the rest of the series (Xander to Buffy in the hyena episode, Faith to Xander and to Riley, etc.) 

Favorite Episodes: Once More With Feeling, Smashed, Grave

Season 3 (tied with Season 5):

Overall Opinion: The opening continuity of Buffy meeting Lily/Anne after saving her life in Season 2 was sweet. The Witchhunt episode had really powerful subtext: stories of deaths that aren’t even true are actually demons that possess the town and convince them to turn against their children in the name of protecting the children. It’s a good commentary on, oh, everything in society. Faith’s character arc was fantastic, and her chemistry with Buffy was off the charts (look, I may be Spuffy all the way, but Fuffy has rights). The finale was satisfying in so many ways, seeing the entire graduating class unite to destroy the Mayor and the school with it, symbolizing Buffy et al’s readiness to move on to college. Oz's relationship with Willow was very sweet and meaningful for a first romance for Willow. 

Unpopular Opinion: I actually don’t really have one. Maybe that the miracle in Amends was earned? I think you can make a decent case that Season 3 is the best written of the seasons, but can only truly be thematically appreciated to its full potential in the light of subsequent seasons (which finish Faith’s arc and deconstruct Buffy’s).  

Biggest Critique: It forgot Buffy killed the hyena guy in Season 1, making her continual insistence that she can’t kill people very ????? 

Favorite Episodes: Lovers Walk, Amends, Graduation Day Part 2 

Season 5, which ties with Season 3:

Overall Opinion: The entire season is about family and what it means, from Tara’s to Buffy’s to the Scoobies. I loved Glory aka Enoshima Junko as the Big Bad, I loved Dawn’s interesting meta commentary on retconning (like, the fact that she’s retconned in matters), and most of my ships are still alive. Joyce’s relationship with Spike is one of the most heartwarming aspects, and Spike’s arc’s desire is clearly highlighted: he wants to be seen as a person. The episodes after Joyce’s death are the most honest portrayals of grief I’ve ever seen, and absolutely brutal to watch. 

Unpopular Opinion: Buffy’s choice at the end seems a deliberate inversion of her choice at the end of Season 2 (sacrifice a loved one to save the world), but it actually isn’t: much like at the end of Season 2 where Buffy skips town because she’s devastated after killing Angel and doesn’t want to sort out being expelled, her mom knowing she’s the slayer, and her own trauma, Buffy’s sacrifice here was as much about her wanting the easy way out of relationships, family, college, etc. as it was about saving Dawn. Buffy’s death is coded as a suicide, which Season 6 emphasizes as well. 

Biggest Critique: Like Season 3, I don’t have a lot to critique here. I wish the suicidal coding had been a little more obvious in Season 5 itself, but also I’m not sure it could have been more obvious; it’s pretty apparent if you pay attention. Maybe also that Buffy and Riley’s relationship failing should have been more squarely blamed on Riley, you know, being insecure and cheating. 

Favorite Episodes: Family, Fool for Love, Intervention. 

Season 2:

Overall Opinion: Heartbreakingly tragic but exciting and revealing at the same time. It asked the viewer interesting questions about redemption and forgiveness and atonement through Angel being honest about his past, and then decided to show us his past now reenacted, challenging us. And still, we saw them save him in a parallel to saving Willow in Season 6 (but Season 2 was tragic because it wasn’t enough, while Season 6 was not). Jenny’s death was agonizing, and the scene were Angel watches Buffy, Willow, and Joyce get the news through the window was powerful. We didn’t have to hear them to get the grief. 

Unpopular Opinion: Jenny’s death isn’t a fridging; it works for her arc too when you consider her history. She worked to save the person whose life she was tasked to ruin, and it cost her her own--yet she still succeeded, because Jenny brought joy and wisdom to the show. Kendra’s death, on the other hand... was because they needed the stakes to be high--but we already knew that before she died. So, her death was useless. 

Biggest Critique: The subtext was Not It. It was essentially “do not have sex. Your older boyfriend will lose his soul, kill your friends, you’ll lose your family, your school, your home, and have to kill your true love or else hell will literally swallow earth.” 

Favorite Episodes: School Hard, Passion, Becoming Part 2.

Season 1:

Overall Opinion: I really liked it; it’s just lower on this list because the others are just better. It’s a great introduction to the series and to its characters, from Giles to Buffy to Willow to Jenny to Cordelia. It has great subtext a lot of the time (for example, Natalie French as She-Mantis is a literal predatory bug who engages in predatory behavior with students). Additionally, it subverts the typical YA trope of two guys and a girl, in which the girl is usually the least interesting character. Buffy and Willow were both fully fledged characters from the beginning with distinct strengths (even before Willow became a witch, as she wasn’t one in season 1 yet), while Xander was the more ordinary of the group. 

Unpopular Opinion/Biggest Critique: Xander’s arc showed its first flaws that unfortunately continued throughout the series: his writing was either very good or very indulgent in ways it never was for other characters.  (cough, the hyena episode, cough, in which he gets to skirt responsibility--and acknowledges that he is skirting it--for something the show will later hold others to account for). Xander’s just kind of inconsistent, which weakened his character over all. (Which is why both his love interests--Cordelia and then ultimately Anya--were good for him: they did not indulge him.) 

Favorite Episode: Witch, Nightmares. 

Season 4:

Overall Opinion: it’s still a good season. It’s a good portrayal of college and the growing pains of branching out, the strains of college growth on relationships (romantic and platonic). It shows us the first hints of Spuffy, giving us some serious Jungian symbolism between Spike and Buffy early on, and does well in establishing Xander/Anya and Willow/Tara as beautiful OTPs. Faith and Buffy’s foiling is fantastic. The Halloween episode was very fun as well. However, it suffers because its Big Bad, Adam, is not all that compelling thematically--yet, he could have been. See, the final battle pulls off the Power of Friendship in a really strong way but notably the season does not end there. Instead, it ends on dreams of each character’s worst fears, continuing what we saw in Nightmares in Season 1. Why? Because it shows us that the characters’ wars aren’t against monsters, but monsters of their own making: their flaws. Adam, as a literal Frankenstein, exemplifies this, but it wasn’t capitalized on as well as it could have been. 

Unpopular Opinion: Beer Bad isn’t a bad episode, at the very least because Buffy gets to punch Parker. It’s not one of the series’ best, obviously, but it does give Buffy an arc in that she gets her daydream of Parker begging her to come back, but she has overcome that desire and her desire for revenge. If we wanna talk about bad subtext in Season 4, Season 2′s Not It sex subtext continues in the Where the Wild Things Are episode in this season; it’s a powerful callout of abusive purity-culture churches, until the fact that the shame creates a literal curse undermines the progressive message it’s supposed to send. Also, the Thanksgiving episode (Pangs) is a nightmare of white guilt and Oh God Shut Up White People. 

Biggest Critique: Riley is awful. Like Kennedy, he had “love interest:normal” stamped on him and that was it. The thing is, he could have worked as an Angel foil, representative of the normal-life aspect of Buffy to Angel’s vampire/supernatural aspect, but the writers never explore this and seemed to even try to back away from that later on. They threw all the romantic cliches at the wall to see what sticks, from klutzy “I dropped my schoolbooks, that’s how we met” to cliché lines that had me rolling my eyes. Do you know how bad a romance has to be to make me dislike romantic tropes? 

Favorite Episodes: Fear Itself, Hush, Restless

Villain rankings: 

Dark Willow, the only villain to be truly sympathetic. While the addiction coding was insensitive and, while unsurprising for its time, aged extremely poorly. That said, Willow’s turn to the dark side after Tara’s death worked well for her character and the story: it was believable and paid off what had been building since Season 1's “Nightmares” episode (Willow’s inferiority complex). 

Glory managed to be genuinely terrifying, and humorous/enjoyable too. Her minions and their numerous nicknames for Glorificus were hilarious, as was her intense vanity. Her merging with Ben--a human being who genuinely wanted to be kind and good--added complexity and tragedy to her role. 

The First. A really good take on Satan. The seventh season as well as the First’s first appearance in season 3′s “Amends” had kind of blatant Christian symbolism, and so the First being essentially Satan works. Their disguising themselves as dead loved ones and the subtle manipulation they used to alienate people was really disturbing and well done. 

The Mayor, who was a terrible person but a truly good father. He provided an interesting contrast to the normal ‘bad dad’ bad guy character, in that he provided Faith exactly what the other characters refused to: he saw the best in her and offered her parental support, while the heroes didn’t and wound up pushing her away. 

The Trio, who were villains ahead of their time: whiny fanboy reddit dudebros, basically. The stakes seemed so much lower than fighting Glory, a literal god, the previous season. But that’s why they worked so well for Season 6′s human themes, and were especially disturbing because we all know people like them. I also appreciated the surprisingly sensitive takes on Jonathan and Andrew, who got to redeem themselves, but Warren did not, and I don’t think he should have either. 

Angelus + Drusilla. I’m ranking them below the Trio because Angelus was just sooooo different from Angel that it was difficult for me to feel the same way for him. He was still Angel, so it wasn’t possible to enjoy his villainy, but he also wasn’t nearly as sympathetic as Dark Willow, had no redeeming qualities like the Mayor, and wasn’t as disturbingly realistic as the Trio. However, the emotional stakes were excellently executed with him as the Big Bad, in that you were never quite sure how to feel and it just plain hurt. Also, Drusilla was a favorite recurring character. She was sympathetic and yet batsh*t enough to be enjoyable as a villain at the same time. 

The Master, who was just completely camp and really worked as an introductory villain. He was scary enough to believe he was a threat, and was funny enough to introduce the series’ humor as well. He was, like Glory, an enjoyable Big Bad. 

The Gentlemen, the one-off villains of Season 4′s Hush who were genuinely terrifying. It’s not as if they got a lot of explanation or any backstory, but they didn’t need it. 

Caleb, the misogynist priest. Fitting with the First’s Christian symbolism, Caleb serving as a spokesperson of all bad religious beliefs felt appropriate. He was also a good foil to Warren--being actually supernaturally powered instead of a wannabe--and to Tara’s family in being full-out evil. I despised him. 

Snyder. Okay Snyder is not a Big Bad like Adam is, but let’s face it: Adam is lame compared to the other villains. But Snyder as a principal? He was so irritating and yet really well used in the series to critique overly strict, hypocritical teachers. Like, we all know teachers like him. I loved to hate him, and his ending was so satisfying. 

[agentnico]

Free Guy (2021) Review

“Don’t have a good day, have a great day!”

Plot: When a bank teller discovers he's actually a background player in a brutal open-world video game, he decides to become the hero of his own story - one that he can rewrite himself. In a world where there's no limits, he's determined to save the day his way before it's too late, and maybe find a little romance with the coder who conceived him.

Last time I watched such a hyper-actively positive film I was seeing little LEGO figures jumping about on screen with Morgan Freeman hanging off a string in ghost form. Yes, The LEGO Movie shares a lot in common with Free Guy, not just in its opening sequence where Ryan Reynolds’s loveable Guy is starting off a perfectly good day every day with a nice cup of coffee and wishing everyone not a good, but a great day, goes to the job at his bank and goes back home, and rinse and repeat. But the character of Guy himself is basically Chris Pratt’s Emmett from The LEGO Movie - full of sunshine and innocence and taking everything that comes with child-like excitement and energy. You can also treat Mariah Carey’s “Fantasy” song usage here like “Everything is Awesome” with how many times its played, but damn if it isn’t catchy! And the film comparisons don’t end there. You wouldn’t be faulted for seeing references to Ready Player One with all the cameos and Easter Eggs and pop culture references thrown in the mix, to The Truman Show based on the general concept and obviously certain video games such as Grand Theft Auto, Saints Row and even Sims due to the video game open world that the movie creates. 

Speaking of the video game open world that is created, you could tell director Shawn Levy and the producers went through a lot of effort to research modern video games and all the tiny little details and quirks that exist. For example it was a lot of fun seeing characters tea-bag someone they just killed to then a character glitching out and jumping into the wall repetitively or the obvious inclusion of Fortnite inspired dance jiggles. You also get cameos from various real-life game streamers such as Jacksepticeye and DanTDM, and I found an interview on IGN where those guys spoke about in regards to how Hollywood can never seem to get video-game-to-film adaptations right, and how they appreciated that the producers of Free Guy went to them and asked questions and actually showed interest in wanting to create a realistic feeling video game in the movie and getting the terminology right. Evidently unlike other video game adaptations Free Guy manages to succeed from the fact that it doesn’t need to replicate a specific game from real life. There are nods to certain games as I aforementioned, but otherwise they’ve created their own entire game and as such there is no expectation to impress a certain individual fan base. So in conclusion what I’m saying is that I guess Hollywood should stop trying to adapt film versions of popular video game franchises and instead do their own original stuff maybe? Then again I do want to see that Ghost of Tsushima adaptation come to life, so yes, I’ll just go and kindly shut myself up.

Taking the video game matter aside for the time being, I found Free Guy to be an absolute delight from start to finish. Well, to be exact from 20 minutes from the start to finish. Honestly when the film began I was concerned if the movie was going to turn out to be the typical “I live in a simulation” story, and though as a basis it is exactly that, there’s so much goodness thrown into the mix with funny jokes to the cameos (the cameos are to die for!) to the visuals to the music choices to the performances - the movie is such a joy to watch. Speaking of the cameos and pop culture references, Free Guy is also an interesting film outside of its narrative. This movie was in production during the time the studio that was behind it - 20th Century Fox - was being sold to a certain little known company called Disney. As such, you can tell after the studio’s transfer to Disney was complete, this film underwent some additional reshoots and last minute changes, mainly in the finale because there are certain surprises at the end of the movie that will be a geek/nerd’s wet dream and were only made possible after Disney’s acquisition of 20th Century Fox, now known as 20th Century Studios. Personally I still have my qualms about Disney being the massive conglomerate business giant that is buying out all the other studios, but not going to lie even I got excited and jumped up like a kid in my cinema seat when a certain something happened at the end of this movie. Luckily only my lovely fiancée saw me like this as she was sitting next to me, and yes, I’m certain that me revealing my true nerd colours definitely lost me some attraction points from her, but nevertheless I don’t care, the Easter Eggs at the end of this movie are real fun!

The entire cast is top notch here. Ryan Reynolds does his usual shtick that he’s been doing ever since he found success with Deadpool, however naturally here he’s kept PG-13 and not swearing every other breath. That being said, his charm and sarcastic charisma really worked for the role of Guy, and he presented himself as really loveable and naïve and it was impossible not to like him in this film. Jodie Comer in her role has also been getting humongous praise from critics and reviewers alike, and yes, the rumours are true, she shares great on screen chemistry with Ryan Reynolds and also is proper cool and badass as to be expected. That being said I was told by a certain someone that they know someone who knows someone who knew someone who spoke to someone who said that they worked with Jodie Comer on the set of Killing Eve, and this was just some behind-the-scenes worker, and apparently in their experience they found Comer to be a real diva and challenge to work with. So that’s now me here spreading some gossip for no apparent reason besides causing a little stir and now I can move on. Joe Keery has a much bigger role in this film that the trailers made it seem, and I must say the lad has really been doing well for himself ever since his appearance in Stranger Things. Whenever I’ve see him in anything since such as Spree or Death to 2020 he’s always been wonderful to watch. Here in Free Guy he’s no different, getting to play a character who at first comes off as a villain but then is revealed to simply be a guy working for the wrong person. Speaking of that wrong person, the villain of the movie is played by none other than actor-director Taika Waititi himself, and his role is really interesting seeing as he plays the owner of this big video game business company who only cares about money and sequels over art, which I found quite ironic seeing as this movie is distributed by Disney that’s all about sequels, remakes and reboots. Just saying. Also found it funny how even though this movie marks a little reunion of sorts for Ryan Reynolds and Taika Waititi, they don’t share any scenes together which was probably for the best, as last time they worked together Green Lantern occurred. Anyway, Taika is as goofy and over-the-top as you expect him to be, and I can see him being very divisive. You’ll either find him hilarious or super annoying. However both opinions would work seeing as he’s the villain.

Free Guy is an absolute cuddly crowd-pleaser full of casual mayhem and crazy ideas, and is sure to be a welcome boost of fun in a summer that naturally lacked bigger blockbusters due to what’s happening in the world right now. However nonetheless, this and The Suicide Squad have really made a point that cinema is back, hopefully to stay.

Overall score: 9/10

[emilycollins00]

Muku + Azami headcanons

For lovely @skateboarding-poet!

It’s my first time writing a rareship but I had so much fun! These two are just so precious, I love them to pieces. Please enjoy! 💕

This ship is basically nonchalantic innocence meets bubbly dreamland and is gorgeous.

Azami might not get why Muku likes reading shojo so much, but while he can feel he’s going to hell just from hearing all the indecent things his boyfriend has read... he won’t judge too much overall.

Muku likes them and they are important to him, so now they are important to Azami too within certains limits of course

Others are not extended the same courtesy though, a.k.a Sakyo

Both of his personalities are pretty calm and chill so whenever they go on dates it’s all about walking around Veludo to shop for make-up and books, visiting animal cafes or just staying at the dorm in each other’s rooms.

Muku adores listening to Azami’s voice. He also discovers Azami tends to hum whenever he’s in a good mood so the summer troupe member will usually peak over the manga he’s reading, his heart skipping a beat at the soft sounds.

I also feel like Azami is not really one to expect praises out of nowhere, so when Muku starts compliment him -as the ball of sunshine he is with no filter whatsoever-.

“...Need something?”

“Oh,no! I was just thinking I really love your eyes Azami-kun, they are  beautiful!”

Azami can never anticipate those and becomes an absolute mess.

On a similar note I don’t think Azami is a looks person as much as he is a personality person, but he can’t deny just how pretty Muku is?? 

Everyone in Mankai can see his eyes softening while unconciously staring at the pink-haired helping Izumi with the dishes or laughing at Misumi’s antics and it’s so blatantly clear how in love he is.

Kisses are too much for Azami’s heart at the beginning of their relationship though, maybe a peck on the cheeks in private but he’s NOT a pervert okay??

The first time Muku ever reached out to held Azami’s hand, boy swore his heart stopped.

“Wha-! A-at least wait until we are married dammit!”

“R-right, I’m sorry! I just thought that- um, your hands always look so soft b-but of course my hands are sweaty and they-”

Before he finishes, a pinkie intertwines with his. Muku has never seen the boy’s ears in such a red color “Azami-kun?”

“Just don’t look at me, okay?. God this is so...”

After the initial shock, Muku squeezes back giggling. 

Later that night, both are still glancing at their own pinkies in their respective rooms and im soft about it.

Of course the whole yakuza family knows Muku by now wouldn’t expect less and you better believe that boy will be protected for life. The Sakisaka’s also adore Azami who brings them the best skin products choosen with the utmost care.

Muku asking opinion to Azuma, Yuki and Sakoda gift ideas for Azami for being always so attentive but he’s so lost.

CDs?? Make up? ah, but make up is expensive, and what if he already has them or worst what if he hates them or-

In the end he makes wool felt dolls of them with Omi’s help. 

“A-as I thought it’s really childish, right? I’m sorry I should have just-!”

“Are they for me”

“Uh?”

“The dolls” Azami takes the one that looks like Muku and glances at the young boy.

“Oh! um- yeah!”

The dolls are now sitting next to each other in his desk and NO ONE is allowed to touch them.

Anyway, Muku going starry-eyed whenever he sees Azami’s skills in action.

Also, whenever Azami gets injured or he just genuinely feels tired from rehearsals, Muku takes his hand unconsciously and places a kiss on it and Azami becomes a blushing mess right away.

But in general Muku knows just how reserved Azami is in the romantic aspect and won’t push him out of his comfort zone until he’s comfortable.

Still, Azami will be more likely to show PDA if he senses Muku needs a comforting presence, tiny kisses in his forehead are a must.

All in all it’s a quiet and slow love, but neither of them would change it for anything.

Extra!

Azami had never been good at showing his feelings, or at least that’s what he heard from others since he was young- deadpan face was it?- he didn’t remember much.

Reality though was quite the opposite. He always seemed to feel too much, respond too quick in waves of emotions. His determination and strong fuse if pressed wrongly often gave him troubles so he opted to lay low, or at least, that was before he entered Mankai.

And then- god, then there was Muku, who had amplified those feelings beyond what he thought it was possible.

Much to Azami’s own surprise due to their evident views on love and its approach, the pink-haired boy had become someone who was eager to learn everything about him, who accepted both the good and the bad. Someone who accepted his passion and pride.

“Azami-kun, you are amazing!”

Of course he had fallen in love.

                                                             .                                                           .

It was a fuzzy feeling whenever lights were out for the day and Azami still got messages from the young summer member, even if they had said their goodbyes half an hour ago before heading to their respectives rooms. It was the Muku who started them most of the time, usually to rant on him about the last story he was reading in a failed attempt to warm Azami up towards that hell of a perverted genre, but he would lie if he said he hadn’t gotten used to them.

His phone vibrates, a light signaling a new message once again.

What do you think, won’t you consider it? It’s one of the best I’ve read!

Azami rolls his eyes, but there’s a fond smile on his face. His thumb scrolls down softly over the five continuous paragraphs -new record, he also noticed- that consisted the review of Muku’s manga before texting back.

Already told you. Just find me one where there’s no kissing, holding hands or any of that perverted stuff you and that shitty old man enjoy and then I’ll read it.

He could practically visualize the pout forming on Muku’s face as he read his response.

But that kind of shojo manga isn’t romantic at all!

He chuckles. Being in a relationship before marriage was something he had swore wouldn’t happen to him. But his feelings for Muku were real, and he wouldn’t changed them for the world.

Checking the time, he saw it was getting late- they shouldn’t cut more hours for their skin to rest. He was about to write back to notify Muku of his plans to go to sleep when he saw an audio. Turquoise eyes frowned as he tilted his head confused. Muku had never sent him audios before, mainly because they saw each other every day.

He laid back, resting his head on the pillow and clicked on it, vaguely curious.

There it was, that characteristic bubbly voice Azami had learned to distinguish, quieted down probably to not bother Kazunari. Just what-?

“Sweet dreams, Azami-kun”

He definitely jolted and quickly turned to Sakyo’s side, containing his breath until he noticed the annoying snores from his bed. All compose had left him in those three seconds the audio lasted, and Azami swears his chest did a backflip on its own. 

“What the hell...?”

Muku really wasn’t aware of the weigh of his own words.

He stares at the phone, his mind registering what had just happened. Then, as if in a trance, he’s barely aware of his actions before his finger presses the audio again- just one more time.

“Sweet dreams, Azami-kun”

One more time.

“Sweet dreams, Azami-kun”

One more time.

“Sweet dreams-”

One more time.

He could feel the sound of his smile over the phone. The way he drew out his name, so full of affection. His tone was warm and light, and how was he supposed to sleep now, Azami didn’t know.

Groaning, the autumn member covers his face with the back of his hand. Shit, he’s so embarrassed he can feel the heat growing on his cheeks and ears.

He rolls on the bed, taking a quick glance at the few photos of Mankai Omi gave him once to decorate the empty wall. A special warmth showers Azami when he makes contact with those purple eyes, always gentle. They looked back at him with a softness he had rarely encountered before and a smile that made his heart once again leap on his chest.

Oh, he was so done.

“He’s gonna kill me…he’s gonna fuckin’ kill me…”

And yet, he played it once again.

__________________________________________________________

Wishing everyone a wonderful day!  💕

[oradevilredeemed]

Gossip Girl Rewatch

I decided to rewatch GG for the first time in 8(?) years. I haven’t touched the show since it ended and it’s interesting the views that have and haven’t changed. For my own amusement, the big things I liked/hated I will discuss as well as any other significant changes.

Chuck and Blair

You know what, yeah they were toxic but honestly I still ship them as much as I did before. Not only that but from season 1 to 4 we saw how they could be good and right for each other but also how they could be so wrong and destructive. From the end of season 2 we knew clearly they loved each other in an all consuming way but they were both broken and Chuck so much more so (honestly talk about the worst family and childhood ever) that they didn’t know how to handle or put limits on that amount of love. By having both let go at the end of season 4 we had season 5 to see Chuck become a man worthy of love through his relationships to others (Monkey is cute as) and through therapy which I wish we had seen and heard more of - he never went to Blair with a hidden agenda to bring her into his orbit for romance, he only did that once when Dan set it up because it was clear that in that moment Blair’s happiness included Chuck and then the next episode to try and understand what had changed and then because her own mother asked him. During that season we even got the clear juxtaposition of his former self by having Bart there to see just how much better he was at handling emotions and life changes.

While Blair got to explore the other types of love to determine which she wanted for herself in season 5, as Blair said herself it was her season to “run away and try to kill” that intense love that had her losing her way. She had always had a fairytale in mind and she got it and it nearly destroyed her and everything that made Blair herself. She then got her simple love, that was easy and she was content but ultimately that wasn’t for Blair who has always been passionate about something. The difference was this time she wanted the passionate but knew who she was as a sole person, she finally saw herself and had validation from the one person more influential then Chuck - her mother. In season 6 I appreciated the second time around how they had this understanding and communication over them wanting to set up a future for themselves separate from their relationship before fully committing and building their lives together. This help Blair complete her powerful women arc and also helped end Chuck’s history of unhealthiness in dealing with business and Blair - he kept her separate until he needed to scheme and them scheming together, using powers for good was never framed as a bad thing but as part of there skill as a lower couple. I also loved how naturally they both could fit in and help the other achieve what they wanted in a true partnership, demonstrating the way they knew each other, could bring out the best in each other and work as a team. Funnily enough watching it again I have a new head canon of Chuck and Blair in the 5 year time jump and beyond with them actually having one of the most settled and “normal” relationships and lives because they got their not boring out during the show and the circumstances of their wedding - normal would probably be a relief lol.

Season 5

I didn’t actually watch a lot of season 5 when it aired because I couldn’t but I read reviews and such and I hated majority of what I read. But forcing myself to watch it I...still hated it. Louis stayed way to long and Blair was just a bad character. I appreciated her friendship with Dan, but the relationship just wasn’t one I could get onboard with; something always felt off. I also loved Chuck working on himself, his friendship with Dan, and Monkey was pointless but cute so I enjoyed that and Chuck just really given things and his happiness up for Blair’s until it became obvious that Blair’s happiness lead back to him. I liked seeing the darker side of Serena but wish she had joined forces with Nate and Chuck more. The 100th episode was not “a love letter” and I stick by that. I used to hate but now love that Bart came back and was everything Chuck had imagined him to be. The first half of season 5 tonally felt like a completely different show so even though I didn’t like the Dair relationship it was easier and more enjoyable to watch than Louis.

Dan and Blair

I used to hate everything about them together, but now I enjoy their friendship and wish they had kept that between them. I didn’t like how Blair went back to judging his status in season 6. That brings me to the one thing I really dislike and that is how they ended. It was obviously done to cause some drama in season 6 but I feel there could have been a great moment of conversation between the two where they talked out her choosing Chuck and they could have maintained a friendship. Romantically I didn’t buy it, to me I found it one sided or just off somehow but I understand why others could ship them but it’s not for me and I was happy for it to be a relationship that led them (more so Blair) to an understanding of what they want. For Blair it was that while she could have safe and easy love and be content she would rather the passionate love that could bring her to the happiest she has ever been. For Dan I would say he wanted that role of ultimate insider.

Dan and Serena

I always liked season one and to a lesser extent season 2 versions of them. But afterwards initially no, I hated that they ended the show together and thought both (Serena) could do better. However, rewatching knowing what I know now (Dan is GG) is slightly different. I still love season 1 and to a lesser extent season 2 them but I found myself actually rooting for season 6 them, I felt the shock again when it was revealed that Dan had set things up but I also understood him a lot more that the feelings were genuine. I also could see why Serena could be so forgiving especially after her GG stint in season 5. The one thing I still disagree with though is the line that Dan being GG was him writing a love letter to them all, just no girl. I will say though that may head canon for them is that in between that 5 year time jump their relationship was still a little back and forth and not as settled as Chuck and Blair which I use Lily’s line of “I never thought we would get here” as my proof.

Bart’s Return

Oh I did not like that when it aired. I found it so soapy but on rewatch yes it was soapy but I also loved to see not only that Bart was exactly as Chuck imagined (and that we had actually seen - remember he was the one who swayed Chuck as the end of season one) but we also saw how Chuck was different to him and how he had grown. Chuck was fairly open about his feelings to Bart, even initially instigating a hug until it was clear that Bart and his feelings equal weakness self was there. In season 6 I found the decision to take down Bart extreme and a soapy device but they had set Bart up as this ultimate powerful bad guy that would have destroyed everyone’s lives so the only way for it to end was by him dying again.

Vanessa

I hated her on the first watch but on the second one I didn’t but I also can almost pin point the second that they had no clue what to do with her. On rewatch I actually liked her character but also feel like she was treated badly by other characters and ultimately the writers. I wish we had gotten a small glimpse of what she was up to after the time jump (she was the only character we didn’t see then) but I will stick with my initial thought that her season 3 faux dreadlock look was not it.

Rufus and Lily

On initial viewing I was really disappointed that they didn’t end up together and that she ended up with William but on rewatch. I think it made an odd amount of sense. Lily and Rufus had a lot of love but ultimately were different in fundamental ways that just couldn’t transpire to long term happiness. William blackmailing his way into her life was (funny I laughed when Ivy was going off) not great but out of everything in Lily’s life that was the least of issues. I do still love the call back to the end of season 1 though by having Lisa Loeb end up with Rufus.

Blair and Serena

Not much changed with my opinions but I will say I could see the systematic way they slowly broke Blair and Serena’s bond in season 5. Every time they called each other their best friend it started to feel insincere to the point where Blair even dating Dan a guy Serena had been and was so clearly I n love with didn’t even feel like something she should consider as wrong because that was something a best friend did. I don’t know if I feel they built them up enough after the events of season 5 but I also believe they wanted there friendship instead of being “stuck with each other” as Blair so elegant put in the season 6 premiere.

I’m sure there are a lot of other thoughts I have forgotten and some I have communicated terribly but ultimately I was surprised to find myself actually enjoying the rewatch. Watching in binge form was definitely an appeal but it also gave me some understanding and enjoyment to storylines I had previously disliked.

[crusherthedoctor]

Sonic Villains: Sweet or Shite? - Part 14: SCOURGE

............

............

......Huh?

Oh, hello there! My name's Lutrudis, pleased to meet you. Judging from that look of surprise on your face however, it's evident that you weren't looking for ME per say... What's that? You want to know what this is? Right, of course, my apologies.

Well, this is a mini-series belonging to... ahem, my creator, in which he goes into slightly more detail about his thoughts on the villains in Sonic's history, and why he thinks they either work well, or fall flat (or somewhere in-between). Usually he gives his stance on their designs, their personalities, and what they had to show for themselves in the game(s) they featured in. He also stresses that these are just his own personal thoughts, and that whether you agree or disagree, you're free to share your own thoughts and opinions.

Unfortunately, as you may have gathered, it seems he's a bit occupied for today, and is thus unable to do a review... is what I WOULD be saying if he didn't let me cover for him! That's right boys and girls, I'll be filling in for him today, by doing a little review of my own! Please forgive me if I prattle on for extended periods, but I sincerely hope my efforts in assessing the Wrong'un of the Week are of the utmost quality. Truth be told, it's kind of nerve-wracking, but I'm happy to give it my all for you guys. ❤️

So then, let's carry on with the show, shall we? Welcome to a new edition of Sweet or... Sour. Welcome to Sweet or Sour. Yes indeed, heh heh... (Is the creator's language normally this gratuitous? I hope Cream hasn't seen his posts...)

Anyhow, for today's review... well, this is quite interesting. Normally the creator prefers to keep his reviews focused on game-centric villains, but I guess he made an exception with this one. Today, we'll be directing our attention to a notorious copycat of our blue hero in the Archie continuity, and legendary connoisseur of 70's fashion: Scourge the Hedgehog.

The Gist: Once upon a time, in the land of comics, there was a world known by all as Mobius. But there was also a parallel dimension called Anti-Mobius, or as it would later become known as, Moebius... one E makes all the difference, apparently. Anyway, in this dimension, everyone and everything that existed in Mobius had an identical equivalent in Anti-Mobius, but things operated a bit differently, in the sense that they were largely the opposite of what we were familiar with.

Putting aside the rather disturbing implication that this world might not have had any real will or independence if it existed purely to do the opposite of what Mobius did, this meant that it had a Sonic the Hedgehog of its very own, as well as a father to that Sonic. Sadly though, this Sonic's father was not that kind to him. In fact, he was said to be a rather poor excuse for a father, as evidenced by how he didn't give his son enough attention, and... oh, that's it.

How awful.

I'd say his choice of attire is the real crime presented here.

Anti-Mobius in its original form experienced a period of Great Peace, but alas, it was not to last. It soon became a shadow of its former glory, which seemed prophetic in hindsight, as it was by this time that this world's Sonic the Hedgehog - Evil Sonic - murdered his own father in cold blood, and then threw his world's incarnation of King Maximilian Acorn into the Zone of Silence. He quickly became a dictator to the people of Anti-Mobius, with his only immediate opposition coming in the form of the kindhearted counterpart to Dr. Ivo Robotnik... or should that be Dr. Julian Robotnik, in this continuity...? Hmm, I suppose it doesn't matter anymore...

Naturally, the laws of the universe saw fit to correct this wrong. Just as water is wet, and fire is hot, Sonic gives evildoers a right kicking. And lo and behold, our magnificent hero did eventually meet his evil duplicate. The two were evenly matched in speed, but the good-natured Sonic triumphed regardless, possibly because he had more wittiness on his person.

Pictured: Quality banter.

Evil Sonic later brought along the rest of his gang to aid him, who predictably mirrored Sonic's own band of Freedom Fighters. They were just as much of a match for our heroes, which is a polite way of saying they weren't. You really shouldn't expect anything exquisite when they looked like this.

Maybe you should call your group something else then...

These parlor games went on for a while, with the status quo never truly changing. But then, after one final showdown with Sonic, the evil Robotnik of Mobius kicked the bucket, which among other things, inspired ANOTHER Robotnik to fill the void. This Robo-Robotnik took Evil Sonic along with him to commit many acts of dastardly intent, an act of generosity that proved to be tragically undermined by Evil Sonic getting caught and trapped by different people time and time again, to the point where even his old gang had long replaced him with a new leader. He did go on to escape the grasp of one Zonic the Zone Cop... only to later get arrested again by the same guy. So far, so adorably incompetent, right?

Still, he did bust out once more, and he proceeded to turn the overall universe into a glorified soap drama by pulling the moves on numerous ladies in Mobius, which in true Evil Sonic style, achieved precisely nothing of merit. Even after he briefly teamed up with Rouge the Bat, his luck persisted in not manifesting. But things were about to get even worse... for us. On a meta level, if you know what I mean.

After one final botched attempt at pointless thievery, with the Master Emerald being the prime target in this particular case, Evil Sonic's attempt to gain himself a super form was halted midway with great force by none other than Locke, the notorious father and attempted microwave murderer of Knuckles the Echidna. Rather than kill him however, all this did was change his fur to green, and leave him with some hardcore scars.

He promptly renamed himself Scourge. Because he's a real SCOURGE to good ideas, har har.

New kid in town, do not steal.

With his first act of villainy as a new man tattering to pieces due to foolishly invoking the wrath of Shadow the Hedgehog, he soon crossed paths with Dr. Finitevus, an albino echidna who otherwise looked exactly like Knuckles (good heavens, how many of these can one muster?), and spent some time on his side by aiding a new gang of lovely gentlemen called the Destructix. Together, these functioning psychopaths committed more mindless evil.

He also managed to swoon over Fiona Fox to his side, a miraculous modicum of success considering you need some sort of charm to be able to do that, of which Scourge has shown nil. I'm hardly an expert on dishing out romantic advice, but I'm willing to bet there's plenty of superior fish in the sea, Fiona...

How about “Oh my god, did I seriously die to THESE losers?”

Eventually, Scourge and Fiona broke away from Finitevus' allegiance after the deadly and boring Enerjak was unleashed on Mobius. He returned to Anti-Mobius, and it turned out that any repairs made since the last time he was king didn't amount to anything substantial, because he went and conquered the entire land all over again. Rechristening his old gang as the Suppression Squad, he continued Being Evil™ some more, until the aforementioned Suppression Squad betrayed him for constantly being abhorrent to them, which led to him being stuck with Rosy the Rascal for a while, yet another shameful derivative of a close friend.

In his last days, at long last, he finally achieved a super form with the power of an Anarchy Beryl... only to get soundly thrashed once again, get thrown in prison, and then just when it seemed he'd be back in business, he got wiped out by the Genesis Wave. Tch, Mondays, am I right?

As you can tell from my words alone, let alone in an extremely abridged format, he did a fair amount over the years... and yet at the same time, when you really think about it, he ultimately did so very little.

Oh, and there was also a Metal Scourge at one point. I'm aware that the man who made him has never been all there in the head, but I still find myself questioning why he saw fit to go through with this nonsense.

I shouldn't need to say this, but that's a disgrace to the hostile Eggman robot that I know and detest.

The Design: Well, he started off as a Sonic, so it's to be expected that he'd look exactly like the lovable goof. Since this was ~Evil~ Sonic though, he was determined to remind us at all times that Grease was in fact the word.

~You're the one I don't want, you're not the one for, no-ho-ho, honey~

Then he turned green, and... yeah, he turned green. All I can say, really.

Please excuse me, I'm utterly beside myself with amazement.

It doesn't quite strike the imaginative chords, needless to say. And neither does his super state, which... I'm sorry, it's not normally my cup of tea to chide others for their appearance, but just look at this tripe for a moment.

No, I don't think I will.

When you combine his already ridiculous self with black eyes and a tiara... what exactly is the intent here? Am I supposed to be intimidated by this display?

Keep this between us if you can, but personally, I'm more intimidated by staircases than I am by this fiend.

The Personality: You would think that since a Sonic is a Sonic, Scourge would share a lot of his personality with our Sonic. And that is true... in the most superficial sense possible.

Sure, he's jovial, cocky, and prone to moments of overconfidence, which is enough to sound very familiar to us on paper. Beyond that however, that's all they really have in common beside their appearance. In every other category, you could argue that Scourge is the exact opposite of Sonic.

For instance, whereas Sonic is supremely loyal to his friends (trust me, I’m grateful to know!), Scourge treats his gang like fetid garbage, and that's when he's not outright abandoning them, neglecting them, and putting them in danger. Likewise, whereas Sonic is a blue bundle of bravery no matter the odds, Scourge is a poor little chicken when the going gets tough, despite all his ramblings about being Sonic's full potential.

This means that for all the acclaim he receives as Sonic's evil doppelganger... he shares very few similarities with who he's replicating. He's barely any different from all the other ruffians that Sonic faces, so what point is there to him being a Sonic at all? If he had a different name and design entirely, what would honestly be lost in translation?

But then, maybe he would just become Mephiles the Dark instead.

Or Mimic the Octopus instead.

Or Eggman Nega instead.

Or Ken Penders instead.

Or... sheesh, they all kind of blend together after a while, don’t they?

The Execution: If my general tone has thus far not been enough of an obvious indication, I do not rank Scourge with any particular favouritism when it comes to Sonic's rogue gallery.

Mind you, ANYONE who threatens our world and tries to kill my friends is nothing but rancid at their core, and as long as they remain unrepentant, I would never support any of them. Asking me which dangerous maniac is “the best” is like asking me which sewage stinks the least, after all. But even I can understand that there's a right way to do bad, and a wrong way to do bad. Scourge, Evil Sonic, whatever you wish to call him, falls squarely into the latter category.

How I'd love to shove an arrow up His Majesty's rear end.

First of all, his motivations were poorly structured, and that's putting it tactfully. Most of the time, we're led to assume that he does evil for no other reason than because it's evil, so we're already not looking at masterpiece material. But as it turns out, as I mentioned way earlier on, he grew resentful of his father for not giving him as much attention as he felt he deserved.

So when he killed his dear old dad, and went on to do everything else to bitterly stick it to his dad's memory, we're supposed to... sympathise...? Understand his point of view, perhaps...?

Well, I dare say I'll be sticking my nose up to THAT presumption, because there is no pathos to be had here. None at all. It's just a selfish brat becoming a violent and murderous selfish brat, and nothing more. By doing everything for evil's sake, intertwined with this sorry excuse of a tragic backstory, it's as if he's trying to have the best of both villainous worlds, without understanding what makes either of them work.

Secondly, for what little success that Scourge actually had to his name, few of them were by his own hand so to speak. As much as it pains me to give Dr. Eggman even a veneer of kudos, it does require mentioning that for all of the doctor's contemptible attributes, he truly is single-handedly responsible for a great majority of his own... achievements, if you wish to call them such. By contrast, this stinker rarely worked for his moments, instead often relying solely on others to get anything done efficiently, whether it be Fiona, Finitevus, his gangs, or the Anarchy Beryl. Without them, Scourge was always nothing.

Thirdly, as mentioned, he failed to fulfill even the basic concept of what Sonic would be like if he became evil, since he has virtually nothing in common with the hero he's trying so desperately to present himself as the corrupted counterpart to. While I'd obviously prefer not to entertain the mere notion of an evil Sonic anyways, since I know deep in my heart that he would never go down that path, I know him well enough to reasonably assume that even if he did lose his way, he would still be recognisable in some capacity, since there are countless aspects to his personality that remain so... inherent to how his mind operates.

I guess what I'm saying is that if an evil Sonic came to be, he would exist as a darker mirror of how Sonic actually is, and not... something that is not at all like Sonic beyond the physical.

What's the matter? Not used to a horse seeing you for what you really are?

Finally, remember when I said he was considerably more cowardly than Sonic? I wasn't simply referring to life or death battles and similar heat of the moment situations. Even when the scenario is of lower intensity, when the odds are completely in his favor at that, Scourge proves himself to be what Sonic isn't. Remember when he broke into the house of Sonic's father, with the intent to intimidate and kill said father... only to be scolded into submission by him? We're expected to believe this guy is a big baddie who ranks high in threat level, yet getting a telling off is sufficient enough to shoo him away?

If only Eggman was this easy to deal with...

Now granted, it's to my understanding that all of Scourge's failings are occasionally explained as him being a parody character. But, and correct me if I'm wrong here... aren't parodies supposed to be, you know, parodic, even if done subtly? As opposed to being played completely straight with no trace of irony, which is exactly how Scourge was portrayed throughout the entire duration of the comic's run, with no exceptions whatsoever?

Despite how often the comic insisted otherwise, and despite how often he received it, Scourge was not a villain who warranted importance. He was not a master planner, or a legendary conquerer, or a malevolent force of nature. He was bottom of the barrel, a wannabe at best, who thought he was made for bigger stripes, but remained little more than a walking pile of fresh manure, with nothing to show for it till the very end. His credibility was often alluded to, and handed to him, but never in any stretch was it properly earned. A punk who occasionally got lucky is hardly worth the rank of arch-fiend, in my humble opinion. He was a disgrace who simply had the luxury of wearing Sonic's skin to mask his shortcomings, and I can’t say I’m crestfallen to see him go.

And quite frankly, anyone who impersonates Sonic in the first place reeks to high heaven anyway. To think this trash heap thought he could ever compare in the slightest to my darling... Oh goodness, did I say that out loud?

Lutrudis Gives Scourge a: Thumbs Down!

[beyondconfessor]

The Infernal Contract [7/16]

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Lilith/Zelda Spellman

Summary: "I suppose it's only fair that I'll have to punish you for disobedience."

N.B.: Also posted on AO3

Setting the cigarette holder against the ashtray, Zelda flickered through the cookbooks that Hilda had sent over. They had belonged to their great-grandmother foremost and had been passed down until eventually ending up with Hilda who'd leant them to her in preparation of most auspicious dinner party.

A couple of centuries ago, Zelda had possessed ownership of the books but found herself throwing parties of a different sort that required fewer meals. In contrast, Hilda took full use of their family recipes that traced back through the Spellman lineage and had learnt all her favourites by heart.

Amongst some of the recipes, there were divination spells written in between the margins, usually when a cooking direction called for offal to be freshly cut. Zelda had long since mastered haruspex and saw little use for them, given their vagueness towards the future. The last time she'd used a form of divination had been with Constance's pregnancy, and that had completely missed the existence of Leticia –– had she'd know, they would have been more prepared.

Nonetheless, what was of interest, was a recipe for seared thigh from her mother, served with caramel shards, glazed apple and gorgonzola stuffed mushrooms. She would need to obtain a high-quality leg of meat firstly. Unfortunately, it would likely need to be pork or veal rather than more delicate choice, but it would do.

"Prudence," she asked, looking up from the recipe book to where the girl sat in the parlour. "Do you have any requests for the meal before I decide?"

Prudence blinked at her, surprised she'd asked her opinion. "Will I be requested to attend?"

"Why wouldn't you be?" Zelda bookmarked the page and set it aside. "Did you not wish to attend?"

Prudence opened her mouth to explain, before pressing her lips shut in a smile. "No, I would be happy to be present."

Zelda nodded. "Good, you can help me with the kitchen on Saturday, no doubt the staff will require firm direction. I'll likely need your help grocery shopping as well tomorrow, on the way we can stop into Allegra's and get some new attire."

"Allegra's?" Prudence enquired. Prudence would likely have known the boutique from her Feast of Feasts dress. Allegra was a local seamstress in Greendale for witches and mortal alike who were willing to pay the extra coin.

"We'll need new dresses to show a certain status to the other covens," Zelda waved her hand, to show her disregard at doing so. In all honesty, she had a wardrobe large enough to choose an adequate outfit from, but it wouldn't hurt to buy something new for her and Prudence both, and Prudence was sorely in need of something outside of her maroon and black dresses.

"Lady Blackwood-"

"Please, in the privacy of our home, Zelda is adequate Prudence."

"Zelda," Prudence said, looking uncomfortable as she said her name. "I can't afford anything from Allegra's."

"Why would you pay for it? I'll pay the bill." Prudence looked pained at the idea as if she now owed some debt, but Zelda disregarded it. Soon, she would learn that being a part of the family meant that she was provided with beautiful things, as was worthy of their status.

"Can my sister's join dinner?"

Zelda paused, considering it. "Unfortunately not," she said, watching Prudence's face fall. "But perhaps they can join us for morning tea on the same day. We're likely to require taste testing before it's served."

"That sounds nice," Prudence said, her face softening as she returned to her homework. Prudence still followed her father around, looking for opportunities to please him (and Faustus was not above manipulating her) but for the moment, she seemed content with her life and Zelda was all the more pleased to see her soften.

In the last few days, Prudence had moved in some of her things from her space at the Academy. Zelda had ensured she had a bed of her own, a wardrobe and dresser, but left the rest up for her to decorate. As so far, the room was bare, but Zelda wouldn't interfere.

She allowed Prudence to bring Agatha and Dorcas in over the last few days. In the evenings Faustus was staying late in his office, she'd let the girls join her for dinner. They were still awkward, exchanging only polite conversation, but Zelda hardly cared to have a discussion of politics with them. The most important thing was watching Prudence grow more comfortable in the space.

The grandfather clock rang, signalling the time. Prudence looked to it and snapped her book shut. "Well, I should be off. Your dear niece is throwing a party tonight."

"A party?" Zelda asked, her brows rising into her hairline. "What sort of party?"

Prudence shrugged as she gathered her stuff together. "How should I know? I heard the mention of a party and decided to invite myself along with my sisters, at your suggestion of getting closer."

Zelda wanted to advise that wasn't what she meant at all but held her tongue. Despite her apprehension at the idea of a bunch of young witches and warlocks frolicking in the mortuary, she'd attended enough parties at a similar age to know that advising against it would only make it all the more appealing.

"Enjoy yourself," she said. "And if you anything occurs, speak to Hilda. She'll be discreet."

Prudence gave her a strangled look, between confused and amusement at Zelda's attempt of concern, before she nodded and went to leave, just as Faustus entered the home.

"Prudence," he said.

"Your Unholiness," she greeted, bowing her head shortly, before exiting the home. Faustus' eyes followed her briefly, before turning to look over the parlour to where Zelda sat.

He walked over to the drink cart and poured himself a heavy-handed glass of whiskey, before taking his seat by the evening fire. A quiet settled over them, disturbed only by the sounds of turning pages before Zelda looked up and found him staring at her.

"How did your evening go?" she asked.

"Fine," he responded. Faustus had attempted twice to seduce Zelda into his bed, and twice Zelda had advised that the wedlock curse would remain until such a time as he proved himself. As a result, he was trying to become aloof and show no interest in her (while failing miserably).

She waited a few moments, flicking through the cookbooks before advising him, "I've moved your meeting with Priscilla tomorrow from midday to the evening. I expect your meeting with Horace is likely to go over, given that he wishes to discuss the school's budget."

Faustus turned and looked at her. "I wish you had consulted me before doing that."

"Just move it back if you care. Though Horace is likely to want to discuss moving towards-"

"Yes, yes," Faustus said. "I'm quite aware of his ambitions. We'll move the meeting with Priscilla."

Zelda smirked, pleased that he'd agree with her in the end.

She returned to flicking through a new book, having marked the previous one for all the sections that interested her. The new one was written in her grandmother's scrawl and had faded with time.

Zelda squinted at the writing.

She'd have to review Faustus wine collection before Friday. He had left the decisions up to her with regards to food, drinks and everything that went with that side, choosing to only look over the invitees and making his recommendations firmly stated there (at least there they were in agreement, both wishing to bring in power figures from the neighbouring covens).

The only name he'd paused over had been Aldrich's. Although he'd said nothing, Zelda knew he'd been conflicted between his history with Aldrich (good) and her history with Aldrich (bad). Given that she and Aldrich had frequented gatherings and ceremonies of ecstatic delights together.  

It was all in the past, and although she had enjoyed those evenings immensely, she had no desire to re-visit them.

They sat quietly in the evening, Faustus sipping his drink as he though over whatever his next scheme was, and Zelda flicked through the books, looking for the perfect dish. They remained like that for another hour before Faustus turned to face her, his breath drawing in to signal a coming question.

She closed the book and looked up at him, raising an eyebrow.

"How many will be attending?"

"Twelve, including us."

He nodded, seemingly satisfied with that. "Did you need any additional help to organise everything on the day?"

"Staff have already been booked," she advised them, though she would still be planning the meals, herself. "Oh, and Prudence will be bringing her sisters for morning tea."

"You shouldn't dote on her like that."

She hated how he said that: as if she were a little girl trying to tame some animal. "And why ever not? It's not as if she has anyone else in her life to dote on her."

Faustus scoffed, but whatever argument he had, he thought better of it and turned to sip his drink again, staring off into the flames of the fire as if they might offer better conversation.

Over the last few days, Faustus had disagreed with her at every turn regarding Prudence. From her buying Prudence furniture to set up the room, to having her share dinner at the dining table. On the best of days, he viewed his daughter as a sycophant, which left Prudence standing dutifully at his side, but never finding satisfaction in her efforts to please him. On the worst days, she was a painful reminder of his earlier sins and a barrier to his success.

It only fueled Zelda's determination to provide her step-daughter with the attention any person deserved from those that loved them. One day, when Prudence realised that her father would never return her affections, maybe she would realise she wasn't alone in the world and that someone had and would care for her.

"How goes the reading?" Faustus asked.

"Difficult," she admitted, squinting at her grandmother's handwriting. There was a spell she used to know to restore the ink. Squid ink and...duck yolk, maybe? Arabic gum? It'd been a while and wasn't something she needed to recall off the top of her head.

"Perhaps you would enjoy a game of go?" Faustus asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

She looked away from the book and frowned at him. "Perhaps tomorrow," she said honestly. "I'm afraid I need to finish this up before Friday."

Faustus nodded, rising to his feet as he began to undo the cufflinks on his shirt with more vigour than one normally would. She'd have to be careful not to bruise his pride any further. Throw him a bone (so to speak) to keep him interested, lest he tried a different tactic to unbind the spell.

Still, his mood was beginning to permeate the room. Rather than be dragged in some tasteless fight, Zelda took her grandmother's book and explained that she needed to find an old deciphering spell, but would shortly return.

Faustus watched her grab a coat and seemed almost relieved by her exit (something she would concern herself with later), offering a simple, "don't stay out too late. I understand that there's a party afoot."

Zelda turned to him in the doorway, going to explain where the party was being held, before thinking better of it. "I appreciate your concern," was all she offered, before shutting the front door behind her. Although she knew the spell she wanted to be was in the Spellman private library, she could think of nothing worse than 'crashing' said party.

Instead, she chose to make her way to the Academy's library.

"Lady Blackwood!" Cassius said, blinking at her with surprise. "Were you looking for someone?"

"Something," she said, striding past him with little care to further propriety. Although he would likely be able to point her in the right direction, Zelda was sure she knew the general proximity of the book and had no need to follow the librarian's excruciatingly slow pace to the very back of the library.

She moved through the shelves, coming to the section she wanted. Her fingers dragged across the tomes, looking for anything that mentioned anything to do with revitalisation, restoration or any other words containing the 're' prefix.

Most of the spells were for repairing houses or restoring old enchantments. Some spoke about clothing, leather and wands. There was one that was for documents, but upon further reading, some of the components were impossible to obtain and without doing research, she couldn't substitute them as quickly as she could with another spell.

As it was, after skimming through the index pages of three more books, it became apparent that she would not easily find the spell she was after and was better off just trying to obtain it tomorrow from the Spellman collection.

"That looks like a dry read."

Zelda snapped the book shut and turned on her heel to face Lilith. "What in Satan's name are you doing here?" She looked the woman over, realising that the woman was holding a set of books in her grip. Zelda's eyes narrowed at the titles, but before she could read any, Lilith adjusted her grip to obscure them. "Private research, I take it?"

"There are some items I never bothered to collect or lost to time, unfortunately," Lilith said. "And why bother searching for them when the Academy has such a fine collection?" Her eyes raked over Zelda's body, before dragging back up to her face. "If I knew you were going to be here, I would have come prepared."

"How unfortunate," Zelda said, attempting to sound indifferent despite feeling a flush warm over her face.

Turning away, she slid the book of restoration back onto the shelf and picked up her grandmother's cooking book. She could feel the woman's eyes on hers, likely coming up with all sorts of ideas. The last thing she needed was to be alone with when those ideas came to fruition.

Standing up tall, Zelda turned and faced Lilith, making her leave. "I'll leave you to your research," she said sharply, flicking her eyes to the books in her arms.

"And what were you doing here?" Lilith asked, side-stepping in front of her.

"I don't believe it's any of your business." She made a move again to get past her and was blocked once more by the woman suddenly managing to use her small frame to take up the entire pathway between shelves.

"Does it have anything to do with banishing familiars back to mortal schools?"

Zelda blinked before realising what Lilith was referring to in her statement. In all honesty, she had forgotten about banishing Leviathan. She had every intention of returning for the familiar and moving him to a more permanent hiding spot. However, once Ambrose had been freed, it had slipped her mind entirely.

"I'll come by tomorrow to reclaim him."

"Please do. I would love to re-visit our last meeting."

Zelda felt a shiver run down her spine as she recalled the event. In just a few words, she could feel a coiling warmth low in her belly. The feeling of Lilith's fingers dragging over her-

"I have to leave."

"No, you don't," Lilith said, smiling in an irritating all-knowing way as if she knew precisely where Zelda's thoughts had gone. "Take off your clothes."

"I beg your pardon!" Zelda snapped at her, "I'll have you know that I have classes tomorrow morning."

"It's early, and I won't ask again." Lilith was stepping towards her, and Zelda knew she was only a few feet away from the back shelves. The last thing she needed was to be corned against them again.

"People could see us," Zelda hissed as the woman stepped closer and tugged Zelda's book out of her hand and tossed it to the ground. "Lilith."

"There's no one else here. The little librarian has locked up for the night."

She heard the collection of Lilith's books tumble from her hands and land somewhere on the ground between them, but Zelda wasn't paying attention to that, she was watching Lilith's eyes, and how they seemed to know that she inevitably would do what she was told.

Because Lilith knew how much she wanted her.

And by Satan, she wanted her desperately.

"I suppose it's only fair that I'll have to punish you for disobedience."

Zelda swallowed, feeling her body's reaction to the woman's words. Of her own accord, she dropped her coat to the ground and then reached behind her to unzip the dress. She slid the sleeves off first and then hesitated, praying to Satan that no one else was around as she pushed the dress down her hips and let it fall to the ground.

Lilith watched the dress drop, her eyes flicking up to Zelda's with a wolfish look. "And the rest," she ordered, her chest rising and falling with slow, deep breaths. A warm flush was spreading across Lilith's cheeks, and Zelda felt herself become invigorated with the woman's desire.

The slip fell to the floor, amongst her coat, before the bra underneath was unclasped and dropped. Then, she reached for lace around her hips and slowly pushed them down, watching as Lilith's eyes focused on the movement until she dropped the down to around her ankles.

Finally, in the last movement, she stepped out from her heels.

Her heart pounded in her chest, anxious that someone might tip-toe into the library for a late-night study. And yet she couldn't help but feel so very pleased that the sight of her bare body could cause the Mother of Demons to ardently desire as if nothing else would satisfy her that evening.

Lilith stepped close, drawing her fingers over Zelda's ribs down the dip of the waist before holding steady on her hips.

"Kiss me," Zelda dared. Lilith's eyes focused on hers and then she obeyed, kissing Zelda with a hungry passion, pressing her against the rows of books.

Zelda hummed, enjoying the feeling of the woman's clothed body against her bare one as Lilith's hands slid over her body.

Lilith stopped, pulling away abruptly. Zelda leant back against the shelves and blinked at her, feeling herself still reeling from the kiss. "Looking to go somewhere else?" Zelda teased, smirking at her.

"Oh, no. I believe I promised to punish you," Lilith said as her eyes wandered over the bare skin.

"And what did you have in mind?"

"Many ideas."

"Oh?" Zelda inquired, raising an eyebrow at the woman.

Lilith bit her lip, looking her over as if she couldn't quite decide on adequate punishment. Then, her face lit up. "Follow me," she said, her hand coming to entwine with Zelda's as she began leading her through the rows of bookshelves, towards the study area.

Zelda felt anxiety tease in her stomach. Here, at the back of the library was safe. Here, her clothes were in the shadows, against a back wall, but Lilith was leading her barefoot to one of the tables that sat towards the centre of one of the room's points.  

It was still very far away from the entrance and given that most of the book's contents here were old, out-dated magics, it was unlikely that any student would wander through for a midnight study.

And yet it felt cooler here, more exposing.

Zelda stepped into the lamplight, watching as Lilith let go of her hand and gestured to the desk.

"You can not be serious," Zelda said, looking from the table to Lilith.

"Oh, I believe I can. Now go on, I don't have all day."

"Honestly," Zelda said, shooting her a sharp look.

Zelda knew what she wanted. She stepped forward and bent her body over the smooth, cool wood, feeling it pressed over her chest and stomach, the edge of the table pressing against the front of her thighs.

Lilith moved towards her, pressing against her hip as she combed a hand through Zelda's hair, down over her back as if smoothing out a piece of cloth. It was soothing nonetheless, and Zelda felt herself ease in slow breaths, waiting for the slap to come.

Lilith's fingers grazed over her lower back first, her nails sliding against Zelda's skin, causing the muscles to involuntary clench in response to the touch.

Zelda squirmed on the table. She'd forgotten that Lilith had worked out how to tickle her. Worse, she'd forgotten the stimulating effect it had on her.

Zelda bit her tongue, willing not to vocalise her reaction as Lilith's blunt nails ran over her spine and shoulder blades, electrifying the nerves and causing small muscular spasms in the wake of her knismesis touch. It felt good and awful simultaneously.

Her body keened at the touching, pushing up on her toes as she tried to withhold herself from squirming away.

Lilith moved down her ribs and hips, across the back of her thighs and Zelda squeezed her eyes shut, willing to focus on anything except the woman's touch and yet eagerly finding herself craving it to move elsewhere.

Smack!

Zelda's eyes flew open as she gasped, feeling the sting ease from her backside. She looked over her shoulder as the woman raised her hand again.

Lilith tutted, "eyes forward," she directed, and Zelda turned her head back, looking at a shelf of books on cauldron maintenance as her heart pounded in her chest.

The second spank came, and a strangled moan slipped out. Zelda hid her face, unwilling to look at the woman as the next spanking came, hard and on the other cheek. It stung enough that Zelda could still feel the heat of her hand as it lifted away.

Twice more, the woman spanked her, each making a satisfyingly loud noise, stinging Zelda's skin and causing her to bite back the moans that pulled in her lungs.

It shouldn't have the effect it did, but Zelda could feel the wetness growing between her thighs as Lilith's hand began rubbing small circles over the area, soothing the sting.

"Hmm," Lilith vocalised, as she slid over the marks gently. "No, I don't think you've learnt your lesson."

No, Zelda agreed. Biting down on her lip as the next lot of spanking came.

Zelda had engaged in different areas of flagellation over the years, long before she met Faustus. She'd done with crops, paddles, whips and belts, but she did dearly enjoy the intimacy a hand brought.

When it had finished, and Lilith's hand settled against her lower back, Zelda drew in a deep breath and squirmed on the table, feeling the throb from the handprints, as well as the pounding blood flow between her thighs. No doubt there would be bruising tomorrow, delicious and painful.

"You took that so well," Lilith patronised as she ran her hand over the reddened cheeks. "Spread your legs, and maybe I'll give you a reward."

"Must you speak to me as if I'm a child?"

"No," Lilith said, using the toe of her shoe to nudge Zelda's feet apart. "But where's the fun in that?"

Zelda breathed out, glaring at the books. There were times where Lilith made her want to spank the woman right back –– perhaps with her cane and leave length wise welts along each cheek. She hadn't used that for corporal punishment in-

Zelda's thoughts disappeared as she felt Lilith's fingers slide over her sex. It was far more gentle than the woman had right to be, barely grazing over the clitoral hood before dragging down her entrance to the very edge of the vulva and pulling away.

"Oh, dear," Lilith said. "You are drenched," she sighed as if this was somehow something terrible.

"Lilith, I swear to-" Zelda cut off, squeezing her eyes shut as she felt Lilith's fingers enter her.

"Sorry, what was that? Who do you swear to?"

Zelda moaned as the fingers slowly worked inside of her before increasing in rhythm. She could feel the cool table against her bare body as she arched, lengthening her spine. She felt as if she was edging close already to climax.

As Lilith's thrust her fingers inside of her, her other hand came up to twist around Zelda's hair, pulling the woman's head up, off the table. "I believe I asked you a question."

Zelda hummed, trying to remember the question as she felt the fast build in her lower belly, clenching as Lilith's fingers threatened to leave (but didn't).

The hand in her hair yanked again, reminding her to respond. "You," she answered. She curled her hands into fists, feeling Lilith enter another finger insider of her. "Lilith," she keened, knowing how close she was.  

"Be a good girl, and maybe I won't leave you in such a messy state," and then Lilith retracted, pulling her fingers out just as Zelda and letting go of her hair as Zelda reached the very edge of an orgasm.

The feeling faded and then Lilith entered her again and built her up, getting her closer and closer and then leaving her again, unsatisfied and frustrated.

Zelda slumped at the table, breathing hard as she felt her anger rise at the indignity of being left so wanton. She pushed up from the table, turning around to face the woman who dared to smirk at her, licking her fingers clean.

She had no words, just anger as her chest rose and fell.

"Oh, dear," Lilith said. "Did I upset you?"

"You," Zelda glared, trying to find the words, but they wouldn't come. Snapping forward, she grabbed the woman and yanked her towards her self.

Lilith's eyes flew open in surprise before she grinned wide and pressed Zelda close, kissing her hard.

Zelda hungered for more and was determined to show Lilith what she deserved. She ripped at the woman's dress, snapping the zipper down its teeth, before tugging the material from the woman's body. If Lilith wanted to play, Zelda would play.

She bit down the woman's neck and shoulder, deliberately leaving her mark before she flipped Lilith onto the table and stood before her, ripping the underwear down her legs and then tracing her mouth over the hips, and then across the thighs.

Only then, as she knelt between Lilith's parted legs did she stop to look at the woman's face.

There were marks all across her shoulders and neck, her hair tangled and utterly wild around her. Her chest had a red flush as her chest rose and fell with slow, deliberate breaths. Her eyes had darkened, all mischievousness having vacated and only an intense, heated lust remained as she tilted her jaw up and dared Zelda to finish what she started.

Zelda kneeled before the table, her eyes steady on Lilith's as she leant forward. She slid her tongue over the sex first and then satisfied with how wet she was, Zelda moved to the woman's clit and slid her fingers inside of her.

This wasn't going to be slow, teasing game. Zelda wanted to be sure she made her point explicitly clear.

She watched Lilith unravelled with each stroke of her fingers and tongue until her body was beginning to arch, her breath quickening (and still she was otherwise quiet –– as if knowing how much Zelda wanted to hear her). There was a rush of slickness over Zelda's fingers, the cunt squeezing around her fingers as Lilith drove closer to the endgame.

And just as Lilith's mouth parted with a sigh, her hips lifting, her back arching with a tense drive towards the climax, Zelda withdrew and stood up, watching the woman drop back, her eyes flying open as if Zelda struck her.

Zelda wiped at her mouth, cleaning the slickness from her chin with the back of her hand. She faced Lilith, with a deliberate lift of an eyebrow, daring her to argue back.

"Oh, the things I could do to you," Lilith vowed.

"You know that I would be delighted to serve you once you finish what you started."

Lilith tilted her head, frowning as she considered the proposal. "No," she stated, standing up. "No, I think I'll wait to see you come to me in an absolute mess."

Zelda blinked, before glaring at the woman. "You're leaving?"

"Oh yes, I imagine whatever comes next will be more enjoyable with time," Lilith said, fluttering her eyes as if she knew something Zelda didn't.  

Lilith picked up her clothes, slipping them on with ease before sliding into her heels and walking over to Zelda. "Be a dear and do a girl up?" Lilith asked, turning to expose the half-done zipper.

Zelda had no words. Once again, she was left stunned and feeling humiliated as her attempt to put the woman in check, failed.

Swallowing back any pleads that built up in her chest, she moved the dark curls over the woman's shoulder and zipped up the dress. A part of her (that Zelda would not allow to come out) wanted to tell Lilith to stay, that she would be good and obey the woman's commands. But Zelda's pride stood firm. So she stepped back and watched as the woman turned around to face her.

"Such a good pet," Lilith said, reaching out to caress Zelda's face, her eyes bright and blue, staring at every minute expression that crossed Zelda's face. "I'll see you again soon, Zelda."

"We'll see," Zelda said, stepping away with a dark look. She left the witch, returning to where she'd discarded her clothes and began tugging them on, feeling the pressure in her body only grow from being left unsatisfied.

In the absence of Lilith, Zelda felt her frustration and anger return. In honesty, she'd likely voided their deal, but so be it. To be teased and toyed with was one thing, but to be left in such a state was infuriating.

Not even Faustus had dared.

She zipped up her dress with a simple charm and slipped her heels on, adjusting the cuffs of her dress.

No, if Lilith was going to continue toying at her like this, then Zelda would make damn sure she could retaliate where it hurt in the same way. She just needed to work out what Lilith wanted more.

[glassprism]

Hi, Glass! I've noticed Emmi Christensson is in the "Adore" section of your favourites, yet the only review I've found of her on your blog was pretty negative (and a later post said you'd redo it). Could you share your current opinion on her? :)

Oh yeah, ha ha. Yeah, she used to be a fair bit lower on my list, but that was due to me having only an audio of her from the London production. When I next saw her, it was a video from the Stockholm production, so I got to see her acting, she had settled into the role a bit, and it was in a production using her native language, which may have helped. But I never did explain why she took such a big leap up, did I?

But yeah, she was glorious as Christine. Very subtle, but in a delicate way, and this worked nicely with Peter Joback’s more hammy Phantom. Like many other understated Christines, it made her more emotional points stand out, her ‘Twisted Every Way’ being one such highlight, the end of her ‘Wishing’ another - just full of fierce determination, with a real sense that she is ready to stand on her own two feet. Golden voice, warm but with a light touch, classical without verging into being operatic, and her high notes just resonated.

Her connection to the Phantom was definitely more of a creative one; she was entranced by his music, but there was little in the way of a romantic or sexual bond. By the end it’s clear all she felt for him was fear and compassion, and that seems to form the crux of her conflict, more so than not being sure what man to pick, as it’s clear Raoul is her choice. If she regrets leaving the Phantom at the end, it’s because she pitied him, not because she secretly loves him.

Her reactions in ‘Music of the Night’ were lovely - observant, sometimes under his spell but almost never fully taken in by him. I loved how she repeated a movement from that scene again in the rooftop: a slight squeezing of her middle and her arms dropping as she sang, “And through music my soul began to soar!” (or rather, its Swedish translation). And with her growth in ‘Wishing’, the dynamic with the Phantom in the ‘Final Lair’ was fascinating, her Christine verging between disgust and her determination to stand up to him.

Overall, a lovely Christine, and made a grand leap up the list.

[tf-decepti-stories]

We’re Trapped in Here Together Chpt 2

I bet you all thought I was dead. Ha! I’m only mostly dead. Here’s another angst chapter for my angsty ko/ss universe that I wrote in like... two hours or something. 100% not reviewed for editing.  I have only two modes - angst or smut and this is certainly the latter. Warnings for continued implied abuse. ~~ Soundwave was a pits damned glitch. At least, that was Knock Out's current opinion of the Decepticon third in command. The silent mech had cut Knock Out off from the remaining high grade on the Nemesis. It had been nice to escape behind the numbing fuzz created by the high grade. And so what if a few Vehicons died from sloppy work? They probably wouldn't have recovered anyways.

The loss of Breakdown was now a dull, throbbing pain in his spark instead of the searing agony it had been. It was like a wound that might never fully heal.  I don't even have a frame to properly mourn.  Knock Out shuttered his optics and forced that thought away. He couldn't fall apart. Not right now.  Which reminded Knock Out about why he was currently in the medbay. Megatron had sent Starscream and a force of Vehicons to drive the Autobots away from one of their energon mines. It wouldn't be long before the wounded, and the dead for spare parts, were brought into his domain.  Depending on how the encounter went he might also have to repair Starscream once Megatron was… done with the second in command. The Autobots had had too many successes of late and Knock Out was sick of having to treat the seeker when Megatron finished punishing or using him. Before their little “talk” they had both simply pretended Knock Out wasn’t aware of how Starscream had gotten those injuries. Now? Their optics would meet and it was Starscream that would look away. Something in his expression that looked like shame would appear before the seeker managed to hide it away again behind a bland mask.

The sound of hurried pedes outside the medbay jarred him from his dark thoughts, bringing him back to the present. He could distract himself, for a little while at least, with fixing Vehicons. Making something right.  Two Vehicons nearly stumbled into the medbay as the doors opened, bearing a third frame between them. No, bearing Starscream’s frame between them. Energon dripped from the fist sized hole in the side of the seeker’s chassis, leaving a trail as the Vehicons quickly dragged him over and onto a medical berth.  Knock Out was surprised to find his frame already in motion. He felt strangely disconnected from himself and from reality as he began working on Starscream. His voice was calm as he gave orders to the Vehicons that milled about. His servos were deft as he closed off burned and sliced energon lines, working to stabilize Starscream. There was something behind his calm facade, but he didn’t want to push at it. Knock Out had a feeling that if he did, he wouldn’t be able to do what needed to be done. He needed to wall all of that out. For now.  

~~

Starscream woke to pain. Well, pain meant he was still alive. Probably. What a wonderful surprise, considering his last memory was of Arcee’s coming in close and shoving her blaster into his chassis before firing. As soft sparked as Prime could be, he doubted he would have woken up at all if he was in Autobot servos. 

The seeker onlined his optics, pleased to see he was correct in his guess. That was the familiar ceiling of the medbay on the Nemesis. Starscream slowly levered himself up on his elbows so he could take stock of his frame. Everything seemed to be in place, more or less, aside from the fresh patch and weld marks where he remembered being shot. Relief was quickly followed by apprehension. This would be a reprieve from Megatron’s wrath over his failure, but that wouldn’t stop the warlord from punishing Starscream later.  Disgust mingled with leaden apathy in his spark. It was hard to fight the hopelessness that tried to creep into his processor. He slowly clenched his servos into fists as he dragged stubborn, determined rage up to meet the rising hopelessness. Starscream, former Winglord of Vos, second in command of the Deceptions, would  not  give up or give in. He would bring Megatron low one day. And then the warlord would know how very much he had underestimated Starscream.  Daydreams of victory and freedom were interrupted by the smaller door at the back of the medbay, which led to an office, opening to reveal Knock Out. The medic looked awful, but not much more awful than was his normal of late. “I take it this patch job is your work?” Starscream sneered and gestured down at the closed wound in his chassis. Before…  before … Knock Out would have had Starscream patched, welds ground down, and frame repainted before the seeker even came out of stasis. Now it was just another thing the medic had let slip from his attention. Starscream knew he shouldn’t poke at Knock Out like that, trying to rile the medic into quarreling with him, but it was easier than actually talking about… about how he felt. Better to fight with the medic than delve into that mess. Knock Out raised an eyebrow as he walked over, holding an energon cube out in one servo and a data pad in the other. “You’re welcome, try not to be too gracious in your thanks.” The words lacked the normal sass. It was like Knock Out was playing the part, but his spark wasn’t in it.  Starscream glanced away after accepting the offered energon cube. “I suppose I’ll fully recover?” “Mmhm.” Knock Out stated absently. When Starscream glanced at him, he found the medic staring off into space. He looked… tired. Starscream quickly downed the cube of energon with a grimace for the bitter taste of added minerals. “I should go to… report to Megatron.”  Now Starscream was sure he saw a hot flicker of rage cross Knock Out’s face in flash before vanishing into that dull expression. His optics had even brightened for a moment before dimming again. “I suppose I will be here when you are finished. Or rather, when he is.” He muttered the last part bitterly.  The seeker’s wings dipped down, the awkward truth once more cutting a divide between him and Knock Out. The thing that they had purposefully not spoken of until that meeting in the mess hall. And now it felt like a wedge pushing them further and further apart. But Starscream didn’t know how to make it better, or even if he should try to. Maybe it was for the best if he kept Knock Out at arm’s length. But that sensation of hopelessness, of being cut off from everyone and everything, was trying to well up inside him again. It usually only crept up on him at night, just before he could slip into recharge. Could… could it really be so bad to try and rely on someone for help? Not someone, but to rely on Knock Out? “Knock Out, I-”  Starscream was cut off as the main medbay door suddenly opened and Megatron strode in with his sheer presence and rage practically filling the room.  ~~ Clearly Megatron had lost what little patience he had waiting for Starscream’s repairs to be finished. Temporary repairs, if Knock Out had to guess by the warlord’s fury. He tried to remember back to a time before rejoining the Nemesis here on Earth. Had Megatron always been so quick to anger? So ruthless? So violent to his own forces? How much of this was from Megatron’s strange addiction to dark energon? And did it really matter? “Starscream, I didn’t realize I could be any more disappointed in you. You are a completely worthless second in command! How could you allow such a pathetic Autobot to nearly snuff your spark?! Or perhaps you allowed yourself to be injured in some vain attempt to win some pity from me? A foolish idea worthy of your limited ability to plan.” Megatron had advanced on the seeker during his tirade until he was looming over his second in command. His servo lashed out to grab at the cowering figure on the medical berth. He likely planned to drag Starscream from the medbay and finish his “discussion” with the seeker along with his punishment.  But Megatron aborted the attempt grab when a saw slashed into the space between it and the seeker, missing his servo by bare inches. The surprise caused the warlord to stagger back a step as Knock Out moved forward to get between him and Starscream. The smaller mech’s optics blazed with rage as he stood his ground with his dentae gritted together. It had been too much, having to stand by and watch as Megatron abused Starscream. To witness him preparing to continue the cycle of physical and emotional abuse on the seeker. “He’s not clear to leave the medbay, Lord Megatron.” Knock Out’s voice just barely managed not to make a mockery of the title. “I would appreciate being able to finish repairing him before he is returned here with new injuries.” The words were almost spat up at Megatron. He knew he was walking along a knife’s edge, hinting at his own knowledge of what Megatron did to Starscream. Megatron’s own optics widened in shock and then narrowed again in his own rage. “Is that so?” The words were spoken slowly, each carefully enunciated and nearly dripping with scorn. “What I do to enforce my command is none of your business, medic.” “It is if it means he’ll be back on my medbay in the next couple hours. Using up more of my time and supplies. Don’t we have Autobots to fight? Wouldn’t it be better to have all of us in top fighting form?” Knock Out lifted his chin defiantly, refusing to back down.  “If it is your time and supplies you are so concerned about, I could always end the traitorous glitch and rid us all of a drain on our resources.” Megatron snarled the words, his optics shifting from Knock Out to Starscream as he spoke. The seeker was cringing on the medical berth as he stared with wide optics at this exchange.  “His life would be better spent against the Autobots.” Knock Out pointed out. He shifted his weight slightly, as if he wanted to try and keep Megatron’s attention on himself instead of the freshly repaired seeker. Megatron stepped back with a disgruntled huff. His optics were narrowed in thought as he glanced between the pair. There was suspicion there. And hate. “Perhaps you are right, Knock Out.” The words came out in a calmer tone, almost a menacing purr. “Ensure my second in command is prepared to go fight against the Autobots as soon as possible. It would be a shame if his death had to come at their servos.” The warlord cast one last sneer at Starscream before he turned and strode out of the med bay. ~~ Starscream had been frozen in place as Knock Out verbally sparred with Megatron. With Megatron. He was a medic, for Primus’s sake, and barely half Megatron’s size! It was shocking, apparently to Megatron as much as Starscream. As soon as the medbay door closed, Knock Out’s shoulders slumped and he started to sway. Starscream scrambled forward on the medical berth to grab the medic and make sure he didn’t collapse or something. But Knock Out pushed Starscream’s servo away from himself.  “Don’t. Don’t touch me. I didn’t do it for you.” Knock Out snapped at him quickly. He dipped his helm, partially hiding his expression. “I’m just sick of fixing you when he’s done. I’m sick of you being on my medical berth.”  Starscream stared at the medic in continued shock, this time it mingled with pain at the harsh tone. “I didn’t mean... “ He cut himself off from saying anything else. Why expose himself to more pain? “Well. I should probably go before he comes back for me then.” Starscream pushed himself up from the medical berth. His chassis ached with pain, but not so much that he couldn’t retreat his own quarters.  When he reached the door of the medbay he paused and looked back Knock Out. “I owe you.” The words spilled out before he could really stop himself. The edge of a crooked smile touched the medic’s lips. “Get me some high grade. We’ll call it even.” ~~ His servos started shaking after Starscream left. Knock Out slowly sank to the floor, his back against the medical berth as the shaking spread. What had he been thinking? How could he be so stupid?  Why not be stupid? It wasn’t like he had anything left to really lose. Except his own life. Of course, there were worse fates than death.  Knock Out clutched at his chassis, his frame curling up slightly as his spark throbbed with pain. There was no way out of this mess. No way to win. Looking into Megatron’s optics, he knew that the warlord really would kill Starscream. Maybe not today, but one day. If he let himself open up to Starscream he would only be setting himself up for more pain.  And now Megatron knew, or suspected, that Knock Out cared about Starscream as more than just a fellow Decepticon. He would use that against Knock Out. He might even decide to kill Knock Out for that little stunt he’d just pulled.  He couldn’t escape Megatron, not without ripping out his own spark in the process. The Autobots wouldn’t take someone like Starscream in and besides, Starscream had been right. At the slightest indication that either of them planned to leave they would be killed. And who knew how thoroughly Soundwave had the Nemesis under his surveillance. The silent third in command was utterly loyal to the cause and Lord Megatron.  They were trapped. Both of them were trapped in this hell with no way out. But did they have to be trapped alone? Knock Out tipped his helm back until it lightly thumped against the medical berth behind him. No. He had lost too much to just lie down and let Megatron take everything. His optics darkened as Knock Out felt something shift and settle within himself. A certainty. If they couldn’t win against Megatron, he would find a way to at least make sure Megatron didn’t win either.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Terry Griffith

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(I really hope this is who you were requesting! if not feel free to send in another ask and I’ll write it for you!)

- You met Terry when she transferred to your school as the androgynous Terri. When you first saw her in the parking lot you just thought she was a butch girl or something of the sort so you were genuinely amused when people fell for her act and were completely convinced she was a guy. But you didn’t know the whole story so you just watched from afar until you were pretty sure you understood what was going on.

- You were a bit of a loner (80s+lgbt=judgement) so when she walked into the lunch room determined to make any friend she could, she noticed you sitting on your own. She figured you would be a good choice for a companion, she could kill two birds with one stone by making a friend all the while appearing to be interested in the “opposite sex”. She just hoped you wouldn’t fall for Terri.

- You had to try really hard not to laugh when she sat down and put on her played up dude voice. But for her sake you pretended like you didn’t suspect a thing and let her try her best.

- She was glad when you didn’t try to flirt with her and was pretty proud of herself that she had “managed to convince you” she was a guy even though she had a few screw ups during your conversation. When school was over she caught up with you in the parking lot and offered you a ride home which you happily took.

- After she gave you a ride home she tried her hardest to befriend you which you didn’t mind in the slightest. She really began to enjoy your company and considered you an actual friend not just a means for her to further her illusion.

- You considered her a friend as well but you did wind up forming a crush on her especially after she defended you against an asshole that told her that “he was wasting his time trying to get in your pants.” She was practically seething when he insulted you and very nearly jumped him in the parking lot before you managed to pull her away. On the drive home she ranted about the guy which you found almost amusing but you were embarrassed that she had finally seen firsthand what you had to deal with.

“I can’t believe people like that exist! I mean how dare he talk about you like that, completely unprompted! I mean aren’t you upset?” She asked averting her eyes from the road as she looked at you.

“It’s alright Terri, really… I’m used to it.” You muttered, thanking the universe that you were pulling onto your block.

“How, why, I mean… why not just tell them it’s bullshit, that it’s fake? I mean I’m sure once you say it enough it’ll all be over-”

“Because it’s true Terri,” you sighed. “I’m gay.”

- Her mind has to reboot after that one, she was not prepared in the slightest to hear it. Her mind just goes ‘Shes gay? Gay. She’s gay. She’s gay! Why am I happy that she’s gay?’ It really confuses her when she feels relieved but you just gather your things and say goodbye thinking her silence is judgement.

- Immediately after you exit the car she hops out and runs to give you a hug, assuring you that it’s perfectly okay and that she’s actually happy you’re gay which sounded better in her head but whatever. She actually suggests you have a little coming out celebration which you agree to with a shy smile.

- You spend the next hour driving around gathering food and movies to bring to her house. Upon getting there she realizes that she invited you to spend the night and that you “still don’t know she’s a girl” so how is she going to keep up this act. When you arrive in her driveway she shyly turns to you and admits that she has to tell you something to which you immediately assure her that you already know.

- She’s slightly miffed that she hadn’t actually tricked you with her superior acting skills but the two of you share a laugh about it and you agree not to tell anyone. So she locks Buddy out of her room and the two of you have a great time hanging out with each other.

- As weird as it may sound she spends some time looking at you while you sleep and tries to sort out her feelings. Undoubtedly the next day when you’ve left she calls over Denise to help her figure everything out and she comes to the conclusion that she’s in love with you. Denise is a little confused but supportive so she helps her plan out ways to confess.

- The next day she gets all dressed up, calls you over to the privacy of her house, takes you onto the balcony of her room and takes your hands in hers, confessing her feelings for you. You’re more than a little shocked but smile and hug her. You go with her to come out to Buddy who really can’t care less besides the fact that his sister got a girlfriend before him.

- For your first date you take her to a nice restaurant, everyone there either doesn’t care that you’re together and making heart eyes at each other or thinks that it’s sweet that you “are such close friends!”.

- At the end of the night she really wants to kiss you but she chickens out at the last minute and kisses you on the cheek instead.

- That night she calls Kevin to break up with him, he’s obviously angry and comes over to try to talk to her but she insists it’s over and he reluctantly accepts the fact. Buddy is more than happy that she’s getting rid of Kevin and probably makes some sarcastic comment as the college boy leaves the house.

- It takes a few days before she works up the nerve to actually do it. Your first actual kiss was in her room, she sort of wound up punching you in the mouth with her mouth since you weren’t paying attention and were moving when she went in. But the few shared kisses you had afterwards made up for your slightly bruised lip.

- The start of your relationship is her learning what it’s like to be in an actual relationship and it’s during a time where her whole mindset is changing so please be patient with her.

- Shes very used to dating douchebags who only want her for her looks and people trying to get in her pants so she’s almost confused when you aren’t like that. When you two are first getting together it really stumps her when you don’t try to grope her after your dates. She spends a while trying to figure you out before she realizes you’re just treating her like a human being.

- Even though she really only had experience in dating assholes she’s still used to being pampered. Her parents have a lot of money and her boyfriends would buy her things to keep her happy so she’s a bit spoiled in that sense. But to her credit she quickly adapts to what you can provide and loves it all the same (like affection instead of gifts).

- She has you review and edit her articles. She also likes getting your input on what she’s writing, your opinion means a lot more to her than most peoples so she likes to hear it especially when you praise her.

- You’ll sometimes have to convince her to take a break from writing so that she can relax and not throw her typewriter out the window.

- In the beginning of your relationship she expects you to pick her up for school in the morning like Kevin had but she starts to pick you up after she realizes that if she likes to be driven then surely you would too.

- She’s so happy when you validate her problems and let her talk to you about things that bother her. She’s never really had a partner who actually listens to her when she’s upset instead of just insensitively brushing off her feelings so it’s a nice change for her.

- Sharing a tub of ice cream especially when one of you are upset.

- Over dramatically calls you by pet names to get you to laugh.

“Honey! Angel!”

-Is she a jealous girl? Yes, absolutely, but since it’s usually a guy trying to flirt with you it’s easy for her to take a breath and laugh about it rather then staying mad.

- She likes to judge people with you and she judges them particularly hard when she gets jealous.

“God look at her.”

“She’s looks fine.”

“She looks easy.”

- You sort of become friends with Buddy and try to give him genuine advice even though he rarely takes it. The good thing about your situation is that he treats you like a genuine human since there’s no way of him seducing you.

- He has asked you a few times if you have a straight sister but you take it as a compliment and ruffle his hair.

- He’s said before that he’s glad that his sister chose you instead of Kevin. It warmed your heart even though it’s not much of a compliment considering how much he hated the guy.

- He’ll sometimes crashes your dates when he’s bored especially if they’re at her house. He’ll just walk into the room, steal a slice of your pizza and plop down next to the two of you while ranting about something.

- Shes quite argumentative when she wants to be or is having a bad day so you’ll probably have a few fights here and there. They’re nothing too heavy but she doesn't give up easy so you’ll definitely face the silent treatment for at least a little while unless you can manage to fight it out properly.

- The babe is confrontational and will stand up for herself and you.

- She’ll jump someone for touching you like someone tries to push you around or insult you and she’s already midair and clawing at their faces.

- She’s got some quick wit, someone says something and she’s already fired back with her own comment before you can even blink.

- She’s a little egotistical so sometimes you have to take her down a notch and get her to see the truth before she tries to invade another highschool.

- Pool dates. She never thought she’d get turned on by seeing another girl in a swimsuit but she’s changed a lot in the past few weeks, hasn’t she?

- Loves sending you flowers and taking you home so she can watch your reaction when you see them.

“Oh my, who could have possibly sent those?”

- Shes like 5’8 so she’ll probably be the big spoon when cuddling. Plus her bed is super comfy.

- She calls you cute like every other minute, you do anything, anything at all and~

“God you’re adorable.”

“You are so cute. Do you know that?”

- Jokingly flirts with you and loves it when you do it back.

- She thinks it’s amusing that you’re actually attracted to her when she dresses in her brothers clothes.

- But also if you ever wanted to go somewhere that’s less lgbt friendly then you have the perfect plan.

- Her parents are gone a lot and Buddy knows you’re off limits (and gay) so her house is the perfect place to hang out.

- She can be really selfless when she wants to be like she’ll always try to be helpful even when it might blow her cover or mess up her plans.

- She’s a cute drunk; you can’t even bring yourself to be annoyed when you have to take care of her. She’s usually very giggly and touchy, throwing around pet names and planting kisses on your face while she stumbles over her own feet.

- You try your best to hold back a laugh while watching her deal with her hangover.

- She loves dressing you up and buying you clothes; it’s like having her own pretty little doll that she can try out different looks on.

- Makeovers. Makeovers. Makeovers. She will sit on you if she has to but just know you’re gonna get some sparkly eye shadow whether you like it or not. Although speaking of sitting on you~ she likes to straddle your waist and do your makeup in bed.

“Babe I need you to come over right now, I made way too much of this face mask and I’ve already forced Buddy to put some on. I can’t just throw it away! It was twenty dollars!”

-She either buys food and brings it to school for you or takes you out for lunch on your off period.

- She doesn’t like you seeing her without her makeup. Even if she doesn’t realize it Kevin left her with a few insecurities, she thinks she has to look perfect all the time and that her natural state isn’t just that. She won’t really believe you when you assure her you think she’s beautiful makeup free but she thinks it’s sweet.

- She likes listening to you talk about your interests or hobbies even if she doesn’t quite understand them. She just likes to be supportive because she knows how it feels to have nobody standing behind you.

- Gives the best hugs.

- Scalp massages; giving or receiving either way she’s happy.

- She ended up reading the book Buddy had and is now a master at any kind of massage.

- She puts on her Terri act to make you laugh, you don’t tell her that you sort of find it hot.

- Watching the sunrise with her on her balcony.

- You probably at least consider transferring to her school.

- She writes you little notes and leaves them hidden around your room when she visits.

- Shes obviously got her internship at the tribune but other than that she isn’t too sure of the future. She tries not to think of it that much because she’s sort of afraid of what the future may hold. She loves you wholeheartedly and is determined to keep you in her life but you never know with the way society is.

- Although you can be sure she’ll go up against the world itself before she lets you go.

[retro-rudy]

Logic- No Pressure Album Review

In summation of Logic's career, the foremost qualities that can’t go unnoticed is the dedication, respect and admiration the man has always had for the art of hip-hop. From the beginning, dating back to his Young Sinatra mix-tape series, in an era where trap beats were overtaking hip-hop, Logic arrived as a breath of fresh air with his conscious driven lyrics and entertaining flow, fueled by the boom-bap style he enjoyed from earlier influences such as Wu-Tang Clan, A Tribe Called Quest, and Mos Def. Logic lived up to the hype and expectations by delivering a successful debut album and painting a promising future, in which, considering how the industry measures success, Logic went onto surpass by reaching the heights of mainstream play and various award nominations with his next 2 studio albums. Amid the commercial success came the broader spotlight, the very one that emphasized his every move, and drew fluctuated criticism to an all-time high for the Maryland emcee. The challenges for Logic however were not the subjective opinions people had towards his music, but rather stemmed from the more personal jokes, memes, and the non-music related opinions that seemed to overshadow the music he was creating for audiences. In 2019, these unfortunate circumstances led Logic to step away from music and social media for some time with no public explanation to the reasoning of his hiatus. That was until the ever so unpredictable 2020 saw Logic emerge with a staggering album announcement accompanied by an unexpected retirement announcement.

Logic, returned in 2020 as many anticipated, with his 7th and final studio album, No Pressure. The joint announcement of album date and retirement came on July 16th, just one week before the set album release date. While the announcement was abrupt and left many with lingering questions, the 1 week wait would eventually lead fans to the clear reasoning of his decision through No Pressure’s foundation of honest and convincing lyrics.

Right out of the gates, Logic sets the tone and premise of the direction he will take the album on the opening track, No Pressure Intro. Logic applies audio from the famous Orson Wells “The Hitchhiker” introduction, which Logic chops and edits perfectly to bring us into the album. Within the edits, Logic cites No I.D and The Incredible True Story to give the intro a fun twist that adds the thematic touch many have grown accustomed to in Logic’s discography. The fundamentally ear-hitting boom-bap beat produced by NO I.D could not have been curated any better for Logic on the opener. Logic and the instrumental go hand in hand as he delivers bar after bar for over a minute and a half before reaching an abrupt interruption that catapults you into the next track. “B*tch I’m too alive, like twins in a womb, come hither, consume” and “But it cost a fee to be the boss it cost to be, over possessions like an apostrophe.” are some of the more standout bars on this intro.

           On No Pressure, Logic’s overall mood comes off positive, natural, motivated and unforced which benefits each song on this record in its own way. On songs such as Hit My Line, Celebration, and Amen, Logic’s unhinged and unpressed mind state injects everlasting life and validation to the long peace, love and positivity advocate. Logic’s comfort with his current-self shines through on Hit My Line with a confident, worry-free chorus and candid verses as he persuasively calls on god for a fixing of humanity. Logic’s positive drive has been a stapled message within his raps since the beginning of his career and the messaged remains well intact on Hit My Line and the entirety of this project. The confidence he shows when he says, “They say they don’t want messages in rap, it ruins the art. Well here I am people, yeah, now tear me apart.” further endorses his attempt of leaving it all out for this record with no regrets. Even on the track, Celebration, where Logic taps into his braggadocio side of rap to pen out the worry-free mindset he now has and how there is nothing for him to prove to anyone, you can hear the freeing mentality he has as he spits:

“It’s been a minute now; my style is feeling infinite now. Used to people pulling me down, it ain’t shit to me now. Don’t let it get to me now: threw out my phone, they can’t get to me now.”

These tracks dwell on a cheerful and flamboyant tempo that Logic ceases throughout the entirety of the tracks. The same can be said for songs like Dadbod, Perfect, and 5 Hooks, that show versatility in terms of beat choices and the ability of Logic to naturally execute each varying flow that comes off as effortlessly in this stage of his career.

           Meshed in with the collection of the more upbeat and elated-expressive tracks, Logic sprinkles in tracks built off well executed hip-hop samples that serve up a heavier dose of conscious articulated bars. Dating back to the Young Sinatra mix-tapes, Logic has never been shy to wear his influences on his sleeve, and tracks like GP4 and Man i is prove this to the be the case in present day. GP4, a nostalgic tie-in with Logic’s Growing Pains’ song collection, which we last heard on Under Pressure, contains a sample constructed from OutKasts’ Elevators song from ATLiens. Given the track record of various and well-respected hip-hop samples Logic has placed on each of the Growing Pains’ tracks, this one fits cohesively with the bunch. Much like the previous Growing Pains’, Logic leans on his story telling to paint witty and mental pictures of a variety of thoughts floating in his mind. From adolescent memories, to admitting his once determination of becoming the greatest rapper alive now being inessential, Logic goes onto acknowledge how the greatest rapper alive might not even be rapping and is instead stacking groceries at an ordinary 9 to 5 with no care in the world, resembling much how Logic feels at this point in his career. On Man i is, Logic’s maturity and growth flourishes among the inspired instrumental created out of an iconic mashup consisting of OutKasts’ SpottieOttieDopaliscious, Tarika Blues’ Dreamflower, DJ Screw and Pimp C. Logic self-reflects as he looks back on where he came from and what he endured, to which through it all has led him to this point in life where he can confidently say he is sincerely proud of the man he has become. In hip-hop it’s made well-aware that high expectations are to be met when paying homage to classics and Logic absolutely fulfills the task on this one in a form that without a doubt places Man i is among the most prominent tracks within his discography. Open Mic\\Aquarius III keeps Logic on the lyrical prowess and serves as a bridge for fans to connect with the bar for bar artillery the emcee has long had. The beat switch that takes place in this track is superb with the pure hip-hop cypher sound of Open Mic interestingly transitioning into the more jazzy and mellow Aquarius III. The high-volume of bars continues immediately on the following track, Soul Food II. The deserving sequel to one of Logic’s held in high regards track off his debut album Under Pressure. Logic retains the format of spitting a series of bars as he did in the original Soul Food. It’s warming and evident to hear the growth in both, his mentality as a human and abilities of his craft as an artist when you hear both songs in sequential order. In Soul Food II, mentally, Logic remains as humble and passionate as ever while sonically the tone and delivery of his raps resonate with the listener enough to have them capture and break down his every word. This along with the metaphors within this song is what prompts Soul Food II to standout on its own and give its predecessor a run for its money, and dare I say, maybe even edge out the original.

           On the last leg of the album is where I find Logic taking the listener towards the conclusion of the album on a pure, passion driven energy specifically due to the openness of Dark Place, and the spiritually motivating Heard Em Say. Dark Place is the first of its kind for the emcee as it is by far the most personal track Logic has ever released. While Logic has been open about personal situations before, it has never been to the degree and sentiment he lets out on the track. What was meant to remain an unreleased and personal track shares a transparent view of his feelings regarding the real toll the amount of negativity and criticism took on his mental state.

“Writin’ rhymes was easy before the fame. Now I’m constantly overthinkin’ every line, it’s a shame. Rap used to fill me with joy, now it’s nothin’ but pain. I’m stuck in the game, tryna get back from where I came.”

 The entire song contains some of Logic’s most honest and heart-breaking lyrics that transport you directly to the most difficult year he experienced as a mainstream artist. “I’d love to end this on some positive shit. Hit you with punchlines instead of some derogative shit, but it’s okay to be sad sometimes and tired of shit.. I guess.” Logic becomes as relatable to the listener as ever with his sincerity on here. And while the song might show vulnerability, it’s okay. In the end the fan and artist label are irrelevant compared to the human label we all fall under. Another evident example of the earnest connection between Logic and his Rattpack. Fittingly so, the best in my opinion is saved for last. Heard Em Say easily ranks in the top 5 of Logic's entire released discography for me. From self-producing the song, to writing one of his most heartfelt verses, the song sums up as one of Logic’s most range defining cuts from an artist standpoint. The 3rd verse on Heard Em Say is one of Logic’s best verses from his discography, and impressively so isn’t due to the depth of lyricism, but due to Logic’s infinite passion heard throughout the verse. Logic grabs you with every word and instills raw emotion and inspiration with a hopeful send off in quintessential fashion Logic has long been known for.

After Confessions of a Dangerous Mind failed to reach favorable appreciation within hip-hop enthusiasts, and his fan base respectively; the project left many wondering if perhaps Logic’s better days were behind him. With unfavorable reviews and criticism weighing heavily on the emcee, Logic spent the better part of 2019 and 2020 writing raps vigorously on his Louis Vuitton rhyme book as he mentions on the freeing Amen. Logic stated in an interview with Nick Huff Barili of Hard Knock TV, that No Pressure essentially came to fruition out of his essential love for hip-hop no longer being intact, before coming to the conclusion of ending his career and delivering a final project in the form of which he came into the game with, a project he would give his every ounce of love for hip-hop to, to showcase pure hip-hop built on a foundation of bars and verses made up of the emcee’s best abilities. With executive production from No I.D, No Pressure achieves this and sees Logic set the record straight in his place among hip-hop. In retrospect, while the time apart might have been difficult, I believe both Logic and fans of Logic in the long run reached a perfect ending of a prominent and inspiring career. No Pressure serves as a celebrated accumulation and reflection of the inspiring emcees’ hip-hop career, the final chapter that gives the fan closure and comprehension for his farewell. Logic is now free of pressure and has found happiness by obtaining the greatest blessing in life, family. Thank you for delivering us this classic, and the best of wishes on your future endeavor Bobby. Final rating: 10

[loca-over-luca]

quiet, please.

prompt: the library's pretty empty save for you and me and OH! that couple making out loudly in the shelves somewhere

Lucas ran his fingers through his hair as he tried for the nth time that day to understand the material in front of him. Finals were looming, and by looming he meant in a couple of days, and he really needed to concentrate.

If only the couple making out in the shelves near him can take a fucking breather and maybe try harder to muffle their moans so they can stop distracting him.

He took a deep breath and tried to read the same paragraph he’d been trying to understand for half an hour already.

“Oh baby…”

‘Fuck this,’ he thought exasperatedly, shutting his book closed with a firm snap. He stood up, hoisted his backpack over his shoulder and looked around the library to find a spot where he can move to without moans and wet kisses as his background noise. Thank God the library was empty, save for Lucas, the couple getting it on in the stacks and simultaneously getting on his nerves and one other guy on the other side of the room, near the windows. He looked familiar but Lucas couldn’t be bothered to try and figure out who it was.

He walked over to his chosen spot and dropped his things unceremoniously on the desk. He winced slightly as the noise of his book’s spine hitting the wooden table echoed through the library. Lucas furtively looked at the other guy, ready to apologize but found him still hunched over, lost in his own little world. 'Good for him,' he thought with a little bit of bitterness.

He shrugged and proceeded to open his Biology book, ready to continue where he left off. After a few minutes, Lucas was finally engrossed on what he's reading and thank fuck, he's finally starting to understand what Imane was trying to explain to him earlier during class, when he heard it again.

“I've missed you so much, baby.”

“Are you kidding me,” Lucas muttered under his breath. “Get a room, for crying out loud. Really? In the library? Of all places? While I’m trying to study? I could be out with Yann and the boys, partying, but noooo, the one time I actually chose to be responsible, the universe just. Wouldn’t. Let. Me. Why universe, whyyyy?” Lucas continued his rant, each word punctuatedd by a thump of his head against the desk.

“Hey, are you okay?”

'No, I am not. I am stressed as fuck but nobody cares, certainly not the two lovebirds who clearly missed each other a little too much and couldn’t be bothered to get a fucking room. So, no, I am not okay –' Lucas continued his internal monologue when he made the mistake of looking up and saw who was talking to him, which caused him to inadvertently repeat what he uttered out earlier, “Are you kidding me.”

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry. No. Yeah. I’m fine,” Lucas said, once he finally got his bearings. He coughed slightly, to cover up his embarrassment of being caught talking to himself. Yup. That’s why his ears are turning bright pink. Certainly not because Eliott fucking Demaury was talking to him. Nope.

‘Stay cool, Lucas. Stay cool,’ he coached himself as he struggled to remain composed under his crush’s curious scrutiny.

“So, you come here often?” He internally cringed the moment the words were out of his mouth. “I meant, what are you doing here?” Lucas cleared his throat, trying his very best to regain some semblance of control over his brain and his mouth.

“Same as you,” Eliott answered, tilting his head towards Lucas’ stack of text books on the desk. “Cramming for finals.”

“I am not cramming,” Lucas replied defensively. “There’s just a lot of material that I need to review by Friday so I am studying with determination, not cramming, thank you very much.”

“That is the definition of cramming, Lucas,” Eliott said, his eyes dancing in amusement as he smiled at the other boy. Whatever information Lucas had absorbed earlier flew right out the window at the sight of Eliott’s smile and the sound of his name on Eliott’s lips.

“Uhm,” Lucas responded helpfully. His brain still hadn’t computed how he got into this situation. One minute he was ranting at the universe and the next minute, said universe threw him a curveball in the form of the boy he’s been crushing on since orientation day of his freshman year. They've met at numerous parties before and Lucas would like to think they're acquaintances but it would be too presumptuous of him to say they're actually friends. He wished they were, actually being more than friends would be ideal in Lucas' opinion, but not once did he gather up the courage to actually ask Eliott out.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I was just about to leave but then I saw you… doing whatever it was you were doing.”

“Yes, I’m fine. Like I said, I was studying or at least, trying to but I keep getting distracted by-”

A loud groan echoed through the library followed by the sound of two people kissing. Enthusiastically.

Eliott's eyes widened in surprise, his eyebrows rose a notch as he heard the unmistakable sounds that scream 'hot and heavy make out session' coming from behind the shelves.

"-that," Lucas finished, hanging his head in defeat. Under other circumstances, he would’ve laughed out loud at Eliott’s scandalized expression but he was so done. At this rate, he'd just have to make do and study at the flat even though he knew Mika would be there right now. His roommate specifically told him that he was going to take off work that day to watch Eurovision, and Lucas knew he'd never get a moment's peace even if he kept himself in his room. Maybe he can lock himself inside the bathroom for a few hours since it's the farthest from the living room. 'Yeah, that would have to do,' he sighed, accepting his fate.

Lucas stood up and started to gather his belongings, avoiding Eliott's eyes. He felt his cheeks grow hot as the older boy continued to look at him while he put his books back to his backpack but he refused to look up.

"Wanna come over and study with me at my apartment?"

Lucas hands froze at Eliott's invitation and his head whipped up so fast he felt a little dizzy for a moment. It’s definitely not because of what Eliott just said. Nope. He found the older boy grinning at him with his eyes crinkling adorably in the corners as he waited patiently for Lucas to respond.

'Okay, universe, what the fuck is going on right now. Not that I'm complaining,' Lucas thought as he stared at Eliott, completely dumbstruck that the older boy invited him over, just like that.

A few more awkward seconds passed by and while Lucas still could not get his brain to function, Eliott started to look a little nervous as he fidgeted with his backpack strap.

"It's fine if you don't want to. I just thought it would be quiet there since my roommates already left to go to a party. That's why I was heading home already," Eliott backtracked, his bright smile dimming a little as Lucas continued to look at him like he just announced that he killed his mother.

"Uhm, Eliott. I'm really grateful and let me just tell you, you are a godsend for offering, but uh.. are you sure? You barely know me. I could be a serial killer, you know. Do you just invite random people over? What if this is just a ploy to gain your sympathy so that you'll invite me over and I'll steal whatever valuable stuff you have in your apartment," Lucas rambled, all the while mentally cursing himself. 'STOP TALKING, LUCAS. Comparing yourself to a criminal. Bravo. What a way to make an impression.'

Eliott threw his head back, his delighted laugh distracting Lucas from having an internal meltdown. Again, the younger boy was rendered speechless by the way Eliott's throat moved as he laughed and the way his face lit up at Lucas' words.

"Lucas," Eliott said softly, once his laughter faded. Lucas bit his lip, in an effort to stop himself from asking Eliott to say his name again in that tone of voice. Eliott darted his eyes down to Lucas' mouth, his gaze darkening a little at the sight in front of him but when he looked up again, his eyes are as bright as before, which made Lucas think he must have imagined it in the first place.

"I thought we we were friends. Are you saying we're not?" the older boy teased, feigning hurt, clutching his heart jokingly.

"We haven't really talked or hung out before," Lucas explained, fighting off the smile that threatened to slip out at Eliott's antics.

"Well, we're talking right now, right? And I invited you over to my apartment. To study, yes, but also to hang out. If that's what you want." Eliott unexpectedly brought his hand up and fussed a bit with Lucas' hair, making the younger boy's heart momentarily stop one second and then beat in an uneasy rhythm the next.

"I do want to know you better."

Lucas stared at Eliott, completely floored. He could not believe that Eliott, the guy he'd been daydreaming about for a year, the guy who has the power to make him weak in the knees by just nodding at him when they pass by each other in the hallway, the guy whose name he embarrassingly doodled on his notebook time and time again until Yann caught him, actually said that he'd like to get to know him. There was no mistaking now, the way Eliott looked at him, the way the older boy's eyes flitted immediately to his lips when he nervously licked them, the way he met Lucas' stare with a challenge in his eyes, as if saying 'try me, know me, be with me'.

Lucas shook himself out of his trance and thought to himself, 'Why not?' Hey if this is the universe's peace offering to him, who was he to refuse it?

"Okay. That would actually be perfect. My roommate's home and he can get a bit too emotionally invested in Eurovision so I definitely would not have peace and quiet at mine. I was just planning on being cooped up in the bathroom for a few hours, actually," he admitted. He mentally pat himself in the back for sounding calm and composed despite the panicked fluttering of butterflies in his stomach.

Eliott's smile was back in full force and Lucas can feel himself melt a little bit at the utter adorableness being directed at him at that moment. He forced himself to look away, lest he blurt out something ridiculous like how Eliott's eyes just twinkle when he smiles like that or like how he can be compared to a literal ray of fucking sunshine and Lucas is a sunflower, desperate to be showered by his light. Lucas shook his head slightly to clear his mind. 'That's pretty fucking cheesy, Lallemant. Pull yourself together.'

Lucas finished tidying up and just when he was about to ask Eliott if he even lived on campus, they heard a clattering of books behind them followed by muffled giggling.

"They're still going at it, huh," Eliott observed dryly. He glanced at Lucas, deep in thought for a few seconds. He looked at the younger boy and waggled his eyebrows, mischievousness evident in his eyes.  "What do you say to giving them some competition, Lucas?"

It really is amazing how many times Lucas' brain can short-circuit in such a short amount of time. Maybe it's the reason why he responded with a half-dazed "Sure" at Eliott's ridiculous suggestion because, really, there's no way he really said what Lucas thought he said. Right?

But then he found himself being dragged along the stacks, past the psychology books, past the encyclopedias 'really, who the hell still reads encyclopedias when we have the internet?' into one of the darker corners of the library.

Lucas let his eyes adjust to the lower lighting in his new surroundings and looked at Eliott, a little out of breath, silently asking 'What now?'

Eliott glanced down at the smaller boy and slowly lifted his hands to cup Lucas' cheeks. "Tell me if this isn't okay," he whispered.

Lucas met his gaze and found the same warmth he saw earlier mixed in with laughter and a flicker of something else. Fondness? Affection? Desire? He can't figure it out at the moment, especially when Eliott started rubbing his thumbs on his cheeks, making his eyes flutter shut at the softness of Eliott's touch. Lucas could hear his heart pounding inside his chest and he briefly wondered if the other boy can hear it too.

"It's okay."

The crash of Eliott's lips against his, the sheer force of it, stunned Lucas. He let out a loud moan, one that could rival what their companions let out earlier, and Lucas was not ashamed to admit that he didn't give one single fuck. He felt Eliott's hands tremble slightly against his cheeks, making him feel a bit relieved that no, he's not the only one affected by this.

Lucas felt Eliott's tongue slide gently across his lower lip, seeking entrance and he gladly opened his mouth to let him in. His knees buckled at the first contact and all he could think about was,'This is actually happening. This is right. This is how it's supposed to be.'

Eliott let his hand travel downward and Lucas couldn't help the shiver that went through his spine as Eliott gripped his waist tightly.

“Why don't we give them something to really talk about huh?” Eliott smirked, before kissing him again. This time there was no hint of nervousness in Eliott's movements.

Lucas brought his arms up to wrap around Eliott's shoulders, holding on to him tightly as if his life depended on it.

Eliott's hands slipped inside his shirt, caressing the soft skin there, causing Lucas to make an almost inhuman noise.

“Your hands are too cold!”

“Warm me up, then.”

Lucas groaned at this and it was his turn to crash his lips against Eliott's. He could taste the mint that Eliott had earlier along with a hint of smoke and Lucas just can't get enough. He trailed kisses from Eliott's mouth, to his cheek down to his neck and sucked lightly causing the older boy to fucking keen.

They continued making out, for who knows how long. All sense of time disappeared the moment Lucas whimpered and Eliott did everything in his power to hear it again and again.

After a while, only their heavy breathing could be heard. They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“I guess we won,” Eliott declared.

“We sure showed them, huh,” Lucas replied. He was smiling so hard his cheeks were starting to hurt. He just couldn't help it.

Eliott nodded absentmindedly as he continued to stare at Lucas with something akin to wonder and Lucas can just bet his ass that he had a similar look on his face.

“Shall we?”

Lucas looked down at Eliott's proffered hand, smiled as he took it in his own and gave a little squeeze. More for his own benefit as he still can't quite believe that this is not just a dream on his part.

“Let's go.”

They walked out of the library hand in hand, giggling like school girls as they passed by the disgruntled, and slightly disheveled, librarian who was finally back at her desk.

Lucas wouldn't have imagined that what he thought would be a boring night of studying at the library, would turn out to be one of the most exciting nights of college life so far. He came in, stressed as can be and berating himself for not choosing to go with his friends to a party. Little did he know that he would end the night holding hands with his longtime crush, on their way to said crush's apartment.

To study, of course. But Lucas knew himself. There's definitely no way he's going to be able to study now. Whatever. He can always study tomorrow.

for @itubainaretro ilu mec <3

ao3 link

[rhysnrivers]

Odyssey to becoming a Published Author

(Note: with Odyssey being in the title, this is quite a long post.  The link to the facebook page that leads to where my novel can be bought from can be found at the bottom of the post, as can some of the initial artwork done)

So, despite never been a ‘blogger’ per se before, I’ve decided to write this article about my journey from having dreamed about writing and having my own works published, through to actually writing my ideas up and publishing them myself, as I’m sure that there are many an indie author and authoress out there who can relate and have been through the very same journey I have.

First thing’s first.  Rhys N Rivers is not my real name.  It’s a pen name.  There’s something in being anonymous when it comes to writing, almost like a sense of freedom.  This day and age of social media means that almost everything we do is recorded somewhere on the internet, and an opinion or action from ten years ago can be drudged back up to be ridiculed by the Facebook jury and/or the Karens of the internet, in line with the fashionable opinions of the day.  A pen name grants anonymity and to some degree, security.  The only people who know my identity are my immediate family and a few close, trusted friends.

When people embark on a new venture; be it a new hobby, learning a new language, travelling the world, changing jobs etc, the journey actually begins long before said venture starts.  Quite often, the journey always begins in the classroom, at home, in bed, in daydreams.  It begins as a state of ambition.  A plan that one day, will be put into action.

My authoring journey was no different.  Mine actually began around the age of eleven.  I was of the Harry Potter generation where I was the same age as the main characters in the early years when a new film came out each year.  J.K. Rowling got me into reading beyond in school, and I - being one of the cool kids, clearly - read a lot throughout my early and mid teenage years.  It was admittedly predominantly fantasy based, (Tolkien, Pratchett, Philip Pullman, Garth Nix) or Bernard Cornwall’s historical works before I branched out into people like Wilbur Smith and others.  When I was around 14 or 15, Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code took the world by storm and I also ended up reading all of his works. School provided a sophisticated reading list, which included Dickens and Golding, and so growing I had read through a rich and broad variety of fiction.

Where actually writing was concerned, I think it was about the age of eleven or twelve that I realised that I wanted to write properly.  I think it was actually after reading William Nicholson’s Wind Singer when I decided, and I set to task in writing coming up with a fantasy novel.  I didn’t start writing the plot straight away; I actually started coming up with characters and places, even drawing out a world map.  That was really fun to do.  It had a sense of total control to it.  What I decided was what things were.  Where a kid may not feel in control of things in other parts of life (insecurities of school, friends, growing up, relationships etc), this was something totally different.  The ability to create your own fictional world, in whatever genre you go for, is a form of escape and release in which you can develop your talents and ideas.  

There were lots of elements to what I was planning out - which included ideas from Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, The Legend of Zelda, The Wind on Fire among others.  To be honest, I’m actually glad that ‘project’ didn’t get very far.  Poor Christopher Paolini, the author of the Inheritance Cycle quadrilogy of books, was slated by certain groups and reviewers for his alleged lack of originality and using of ideas from other stories.  In Paolini’s defence, he was only fifteen when his first book was published, which is something that most fifteen year olds don’t achieve!  But I think that had I completed mine, it might have faced the same criticisms - not necessarily from reviewers or publishers, but perhaps friends and family reading through it first.

School, in particular, provided me with a lot of enthusiasm and inspiration to write (clearly, I was one of the cool kids).  My GCSE English teacher was a great bloke (probably still is) and gave great, honest and constructive feedback to the entire class’ work.  Our first piece of English Literature coursework was a piece on creative writing and I elected to do a piece on the topic of an opening chapter/opening chapters to a novel.  Having just read Dan Brown I did my piece in his sort of style: bloke copping it at the start, trying to prevent some conspiracy from going ahead, then the reluctant hero of the story gets dragged in to solving it.  My piece didn’t revolve around religious groups or secret societies, but around a historical artefact.

Out of 54 marks, this scored 52.  I was more than happy with that.  I had no idea where the story was going to go but I was determined that I would one day finish the story.  To this day, I still have no idea where the story is going, but I am certain that it will be the last novel of a set of three, dragging the main character, a desperately-can’t-wait-to-retire detective, through painstaking research, learning about history that he wouldn’t usually be arsed about and running away from people, of whom he’s becoming more and more of an embuggerance (word-invention credited to Terry Pratchett) to.

For some reason, I really can’t remember why, but about a year later the option was given to my English class to rewrite that piece of coursework (we were about four out of five coursework pieces done by that time).  I was of course happy with my score but I saw this as an opportunity to try something new and see what ideas could again come spewing from my mind.

This time, again sticking with the opening chapter(s) option, I wrote about a start of a medieval conspiracy, beginning around the Battle of Crécy and going…err…I still have no idea where!  But this piece resonated better than the previous piece, earning full marks from my English teacher, along with the comments “…should come with an 18 rated certificate.”  Again, I vowed that I would complete this story one day and see it published.  This one I think I will try to make into a three-book story.

The summer after completing my GCSE exams I did the normal stuff: went on holiday with family, chilled out with friends, even attended the World Scout Jamboree that year.  But I also by then had a set of ideas in my head that I wanted to turn into novels, and wrote that list onto a computer, and saved it to my USB memory stick.  I have no idea where I last saw that USB stick…

After I left school I joined the British Armed Forces.  I’m not going to write too much about what I did, where I went etc (not because I was part of some uber-top-secret unit, but more-so that it just doesn’t contribute to this post) but my priorities changed.  I read a lot less and writing properly in the near term future just was not a possibility, or something that I wanted to concentrate on at that time.

In early 2017 I was considering a career change, and during that time I joined fanstory.com, under my real name.  The purpose of doing this was to put myself into an environment with other amateur writers, gain inspiration from other budding authors (and hopefully give some inspiration back), and be in a place where my works could be read among ‘peers’, giving me a good steer on things.

It was on this website where my first novel, Payment, was conceived.  There was a competition going for short stories up to 7000 words long in the horror genre (“Put your readers on edge or terrorize them”) and so I thought this was a good place to test out to see what people think and to  develop my writing style.

It took me a couple of weeks to put Payment together and submit it.  I had never considered writing horror before but this, again, was an ample opportunity to try something new and see what I could come up with.  I decided to go with a 19th Century narrative; much like Mary Shelley and Bram Stoker.  I prefer to think or the horror genre as the old neo-gothic styles of writing - the old ghost stories.  Horror, in recent years, both in writing and film-making, has taken more of a gore and shock factor turn.  Personally, I think that will turn horror more into the thriller genre.  To me, horror should be about ghosts, vampires, witches - the occult and the supernatural.  And that’s that I have tried to achieve with Payment. 

What surprised me the most during the writing of this were my decisions to use the first-person narrative - something I used to despise growing up, and the use of a one-word title.  For some reason it used to bug me no end that it was becoming more and more common that artistic projects, be they novels, films, dance, visual art etc, would use one-worded titles.  I used to think that was a cop-out.  But here I am with Payment - a novel told in first-person narrative…

I have always thought that my writing style was/is closest to Terry Pratchett’s.  I’ve never tried to emulate him but his style of using irony, dry humour and satire, whilst also plummeting to some very deep philosophical ideas.  But I couldn’t do that whilst writing Payment.  The thing is with writing horror, is that you have to be able to maintain that macabre atmosphere all the through.  That actually isn’t easy.  I found there always has to be a sense of the character’s isolation, a sense of doom and gloom, and a sense of something about to happen.  

I didn’t win the completion that I entered.  I don’t think it even made the top three.  The votes are cast by the other entries’ writers and maybe a few other people.  I can’t remember if you could vote for your own project but I think you could.  The entries placed above mine, although I thought their storylines familiar with ideas already done, were admittedly much easier to read than my entry.  A 19th century style of writing will always lose to simplicity when people have a number of works to read.

But that didn’t deter me.  I’d created a fictional work and was determined to show it to the world.  I didn’t go ahead with the career change at that point but decided to fully review Payment, at get it out there as a completed project.

Fanstory is a good platform, it really is.  I’m not sure why, but after only a couple of months and having written a few competition entries, I came to stop writing on it.  My old job was getting in the way and to be honest, I was getting impatient with writing on it.  I had the mentality that I wanted to be published right now sort of thing.

A couple of years later, I did go ahead in a change of direction career-wise.  This provided the opportunity to fully revise Payment and make it into a ‘novelette’, more than 7000/7500 words but fewer than 17,500.  I would then prepare it for editing, get the artwork sorted and then publish it online for maybe a couple of quid.

I was actually in Tanzania at the time when I thought that Payment had been expanded enough to put out as a novelette.  Once I’d finished writing, I showed it to a couple of the volunteers I was working with and they both enjoyed it.  Although I was pleased about that, I still wasn’t satisfied with it.  I had touched on quite a few themes in the work but I don’t feel like I had explored them all as much as I could have.  Although complete, it felt very much incomplete.  At the same time I wanted to expand the work into a full novel and also I didn’t - mainly because of the challenge of maintaining that horror atmosphere.

I decided that, in order to put more meat onto the bones and develop this short story/novelette into a full length novel, I needed a goal to work towards; something that has an end achievement that will make me work to expand on what I had already done.  And so I set about looking for horror writing groups and/or competitions on the internet. 

In not much time at all I came across the Horror Writers Association (HWA).  They are a group that cater for all things horror and occult in fiction.  There, you can advertise your works, read or recommend other people’s works and learn about events - namely the StokerCon.

But what attracted me to them the most was their sponsorship of the Bram Stoker Awards (“for Superior Achievement”).  These are awards that are given out to authors and authoresses who have had their works judged in certain categories.  The one that has caught my eye is the ‘First Novel’ category.  A quick reading of the rules informed me of the minimal word limit:  40,00 words.  Perfect.  There’s something to work towards, with a chance at winning what is described as ‘the Oscars of horror writing’.  When I returned from Africa I set about the task of bolstering a 17,000-ish novelette into a 40,000 word minimum horror novel!

I have read Edgar Allan Poe in the past, and even bits of Mary Shelley.  For more inspiration in keeping that spooky, Neo-Gothic atmosphere, I read some parts of Bram Stoker and H.P. Lovecraft.  Despite all of that, I initially found it difficult to write again on the same piece of work that I started almost three years previously.  It was only after reading Susan Hill’s The Woman in Black, where I became inspired by her power of description to turn chapters, paragraphs and sentences that belong in quick short stories to ones suitable for a long read.

In January, this  year, I had finally finished.  I expanded heavily on the ideas that I was before concerned that I was rushing through and before I knew it, my word count was well over the 40,000 words I wanted to achieve!  I read it all again myself, edited out any spelling or grammar mistakes that I had seen, and sent it out to beta testers (readers) for opinions and editing.

Following the last edit - of which there wasn’t relatively much to do - my debut novel stands at a word count of 53,850 words!  That isn’t considered very long by today’s standards.  To give a point of reference, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone is estimated to be around 77,000 words long (depending on who is doing the word count).  But my novel is longer than The Woman in Black as well as other novels such as The Great Gatsby and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and considering it came from a short story of 7,000 words I am still happy with it.

Concurrently with writing the novel came the task of finding an artist/illustrator for the cover.  That was a more difficult task than I expected.

Not only did I want to find someone who could create a suitable cover, I also wanted that someone to be able to do ‘scene art’; by which I mean a picture at the start of certain chapters.  The reason for this is that I see a completed novel itself as a form of art, and scene pictures add to that completed projected.  In fact, I actually wanted a sort of teamwork between the writing/art found in the Edge Chronicles books by Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell.  

I combed Facebook for a very long time, joining all sorts of groups and pages for amateur artists to show off their works, hoping to find someone who I thought was suitable for my work.  To my dismay, there was very little, I thought, that I could go off.

Around October time I put an advert on a freelancing work website, just for an idea of who else is out there and possibly able to take this up.  I did receive a fair few responses but, again, there wasn’t really anyone whose work suited what I was after.  A couple of them, one of them being an art company based in Central Asia, actually got quite nasty about it.  They were expectant 

It was when I was on a course in Spain that it was suggested to me to look on Reddit, as Reddit “literally has everything on it.”  I had never actually been a proper Reddit user before; I’d clicked the odd link from Facebook but had never really interacted with it before. 

The guy who suggested Reddit to me was right - Reddit has literally everything on it.  There’s so much information to be found on so many topics it seemed unlikely that I wouldn’t find what I was looking for on it, and so I combed through a few sub-reddits dedicated to (freelance) artists and checked some of them out.

So I once again posted out an advert looking for artists and this time the response were much more positive, and enthusiastic!  It really was quite uplifting to see and hear from so many people who were interested in taking up the project and I received so many messages.  Everyone who commented on the post and/or messaged me with links to their portfolios, I checked out their work.  I honestly don’t think there was a single person whose works of art that I wasn’t impressed by.  There is so much that can be found at deviantart.com and artstation.com and so much talent to be viewed and be in awe at!  Everyone who directly messaged me got a return thanking them.

One of the people I got talking to was a young lad from Sweden called Daniel Percy, whose artwork I also checked out.  My preferences came down to him and another guy from Germany, and after speaking with Daniel he agreed to take on the work.

Daniel does a lot of freelance art work, predominately doing concept art work for electronics companies (I want to say video games but don’t take that as gospel), but he still found the time to do this properly, compiling several drafts of the cover and inside sketches.  We collaborated quite often on what to change, ideas to put in etc.

The finished artwork is incredible!  I’m showing some of the initial first-sketch ideas here along with the final book cover, along with a couple of since-altered scene pictures, just for an idea of his talent.  You’ll have to buy the book to see all of the finished sketches ;)

And the final thing to think/worry/mull over until stupid o’ clock in the morning, was the publishing aspect.  Luckily, ever since I’ve thought about writing (as an adult), it has become increasingly easier to get your works out there.  The rise of the internet and social media age has made self publishing so much more accessible, and that is the route I have gone down.

At first, I wanted to go down the traditional printing route.  I - again showing cool I was as a kid - always liked the idea of a fresh and printed book in my hands.  But, there are two reasons why I haven’t done this:

The first one is environmental.  Even before the climate change debate became a fashionable thing to signal your virtues about, I was uncomfortable about the idea of trees being cut down for my creation, unless I could be 100% certain that exact same area would be immediately replanted.  It’s true, there are forested areas specifically for this kind of thing but the amount of bureaucracy involved, along with the middle-men, wouldn’t make it an immediate thing.

The second reason is that the majority of writers who send their works in get rejected by so many publishers.  Yes, people refer to J.K. Rowling’s story of being rejected twelve times (and again later by one of the same publishers when she first wrote as Robert Galbraith) before Harry Potter became a hit, but as the option of the internet is there, it makes sense to negate that possible rejection.  In the event that my works do get noticed and attract the attention of publishers, then great!  But if they don’t, at least by online publishing, I’ve still achieved putting my novel out to the world.

Finally, today, Friday the 13th (intentionally - it is a horror novel after all ;p ) of March 2020, I officially became a published author.  It is a fantastic, monumental feeling.  My story, my novel, my creation, is out there for people to buy, read and hopefully, enjoy.

If there’s any advice that I can give for anyone aspiring to be an (indie) author, it is this: just write your ideas down.  Sounds simple, if not downright obvious, but it really is incredible that so many people don’t achieve their dreams or aspirations simply because they don’t do them.  The world of authoring and indie writing is so much more accessible now than it was even fifteen years ago, that is takes a great lot of effort not to find at least one platform to get your works out onto.

It is also incredibly easy to find every excuse in the book to not write at all.  School, work, family etc, being the big ones, and they are legitimate reasons.  But they are only obstacles themselves to an extent, before you yourself make them obstacles.  Start small.  Set yourself half an hour on an evening.  No more, no less.  Half an hour to start getting your ideas onto paper and then after a week, you’ve spent three and a half hours writing.  You’d be surprised at how much you’ve achieved after three and a half hours of concentrated effort.

If you need motivation, there are plenty of people out there, particularly on the internet, who give great examples of motivation that apply to all disciplines.  Joe Rogan, for just one example, has plenty of people on his podcasts who talk and give advice on self-betterment, and it can apply to anybody.  If you want to write, you will find the time and means to do it.  It doesn’t matter how long it takes; everybody finds their ways at different times. 

As to my next works, what am I going to be writing next?  Well, shortly after writing Payment as a short story I thought of another idea to write about, and use that particular project to actually develop my writing style.  This next one, of which the first ‘act’ as such does already have a skeleton outline to it, is a light hearted yet philosophical at times medieval adventure, combining humour and seriousness together.  I’m not going to divulge ay more information the storyline because, although it’s a simple idea, I believe it’s one that no-one’s done before and some smart-arse with more time on their hands than I can easily bash something together using my idea!

The school coursework pieces?  They are still on my ideas list and will no doubt be developed into their own proper projects and they hopefully will also be published just as Payment is!  The fantasy that I started aged eleven?  Absolutely no idea.  Whilst I would certainly like to do fantasy, going for originality is going to be difficult, as the standard format (young hero finds out he’s the ‘chosen one’ and goes on a long quest) has been done to death, as have a lot of fantasy ideas already.  George R R Martin had the idea of using the idea of old English houses warring against other in the past, and that was used to great effect even before he threw in the ice zombies!  So that one is going to be a case of properly allocating some time to sit down, think and decide how I’m going to go about, but make no mistake, I will go about it!

Thank you all for taking the time to read through this!  I hope its provided at least some entertainment or light (ha!) reading, and I hope you’ll feel interested to buy my debut novel!

My Facebook page can be found at:  

https://m.facebook.com/Rhys-N-Rivers-Writing-101015961412385/?ref=bookmarks

All the places where Payment can be bought from can be found there.  I thought it better to post one central link than the individual ones.

[undine-taz]

Retrospect Reviews 7

Steven Universe- Cat Fingers

I’m going to do my best with this episode, but honestly the body horror in this one freaks me out. I was really tempted to give this one a miss, but it’s pretty big character-development wise and it has a lot of foreshadowing that I am loathe to skip. So many points that will become important to character development are hinted at here. Take my opinion on this one with the tiniest grain of salt, because it is higher than any other cartoon I can currently think of on my heebie-jeebie scale. Also, as per usual, I will be discussing events in the rest of the series, so be aware that spoilers abound. With that said, let’s get into the plot.

                                               Plot Bare Bones:

Status Quo:

For the first time, we begin an episode with Steven and his father hanging out! What a delightful change of pace. This is the first time we see Steven enjoying a happy, healthy parental relationship without any sort of pressure to prove himself, and with an active parent who has time and inclination to spend time with him.

Incentive:

Amethyst interrupts their father-son bonding time in the guise of a cat, which sparks an interest in Steven to explore this aspect of his gem powers. With Amethyst’s guidance, he begins to attempt shapeshifting.

Plot Points:

Steven attempts to give his cat finger more friends

Steven changes all of his fingers to cats in response to various reactions from people around Beach City

Panicked, Steven tries to change back, unfortunately making everything far worse

Climax:

Just before he can be completely consumed by cats, Greg sends Steven through the car wash. The combination of rushing water and scrub brushes is enough to dissolve the cats(mostly) and return Steven to his own shape.

Resolution:

Upon their return, the gems are delighted and proud to realize Steven has resolved the problem more or less on his own. Greg is relieved to have his son back, and Steven fires off a series of terrible cat puns into the sunset.

My Thoughts:

Forgetting the body horror, this is a very good episode. The plot moves at a decent pace, and the episode has consequences for the rest of the show. In Steven’s case, this is the first-and last- time we see him attempt to shapeshift into something other than his own form. It’s a traumatic moment for Steven, and it also begins to hint to the audience that Steven is inherently different than the other gems. There are consequences to his having a human body, ones that no one- not Steven, not his father, not the gems- understand. Exploration of his own powers has risks as well as benefits.

Of course we find out later in the series that Steven is an organic body blended and held together by a gem, and that he is his own person. Unlike the gems, whose bodies are only projections of light, he has an organic component. It’s unsurprising to me in hindsight that trying to change into a different creature would change his body- in order to shapeshift, Steven has to completely rearrange his biological structure as well as his gem-body. This is mere speculation, but I believe if Steven were to attempt to fully shapeshift into a different creature, he would sacrifice his consciousness and create something new much the same way Rose/Pink did in the process of his creation.

While perhaps this episode showed the most growth for Steven, it moved the other players in the Steven Universe world as well. The Crystal Gems saw Steven solve an issue on his own, and Greg was forced to see that if he wants a relationship with his son he can’t ignore anything gem-related, no matter how uncomfortable it makes him or how the Crystal Gems discourage him. He stepped up to the plate, and we also see that Garnet has the most faith in Steven of any of the gems. (Possibly because of her future-vision, but I have theories that her future-vision is less magical and more intellectual. I’ll discuss that later in these reviews.) Aside from the character growth, this episode serves as truly fantastic foreshadowing for important events later in the series.

For one, it clearly foreshadows Greg’s discomfort with shapeshifting- especially his discomfort with Amethyst shapeshifting into Steven. This discomfort leads into a wonderful episode later in the series showing the strained relationship between Amethyst and Greg, and also Amethyst’s tendency to go too far in her teasing (something we’ve already seen with Steven, in my opinion.) It’s good foreshadowing but a bit of a one-off; it’s not central to his character. The foreshadowing for Pearl, though, it’s absolutely beautiful. It casually highlights an aspect of Pearl’s character central to the entire plot of the show- the fact that Pearl shapeshifted into Rose Quartz in order to fake the shattering of Pink Diamond. Without drawing too much attention or being heavy-handed, the show revealed that shapeshifting into another gem is totally possible, and made the viewers aware that Pearl is absolutely capable of shapeshifting. And then we never see it happen until that crucial moment. No one realizes how traumatic shapeshifting is for Pearl, and yet the rules are established early on and we know that Pearl is absolutely capable of shapeshifting but refuses to whenever the opportunity arises. The foreshadowing impresses me, but so does the planning that had to have been involved. The crew made this rule early on, that Pearl can never shapeshift, so that the moment we finally realize she has shapeshifted will have that much more impact. It’s a beautifully complex moment in a more action-oriented episode.

Sidenotes:

I apologize if this is more rambley than usual, I was determined to get this written today but my meds just kicked in and I’m maybe two minutes away from falling asleep in my chair. Hope everyone is having a great night! Expect a brief interlude from Steven Universe reviews- I have the gist of my next reviews planned out, but I need a palate cleanser. I may continue with Bee and Puppycat, so look forward to that.

[astudyinsarcasm9]

Avengers: Endgame (2019) -  Review - Spoilers Ahead

Later edit: I saw the movie again and Thanos says he destroyed the stones using the stones. First things first: Imma put a ”keep reading” below just in case someone stumbles upon this review and hasn’t seen the movie yet. 

I was gonna wait until I saw it a second time, as I did with Infinity War, but because I am sick with a cold and low on money I am just gonna gather all my opinions and feelings about the movie and just get it over with. 

Off the bat I have to say that I have been looking forward to this movie for a year (everyone has been), and while the constant news about it started to become quite annoying the hype was still there. So, naturally I went to see it as soon as it premiered in my country. 

If i were to compare this to Infinity War, which, again, most people do, I’d say that Infinity War is more consistent when it comes to its plot and the rules it establishes or has established before in other MCU movies. BUT Endgame just feels like it has more stakes, that it is not as predictable as the first one. I mean, come on, we all knew part of our heroes were gonna be dusted and we knew they were gonna come back because it happens in the comics as well. Obviously they wouldn’t have killed a big character in IW because they needed them for Endgame. As such we were left with the OG Avengers plus a couple of other supporting cast members.  I feel as if even though Endgame was, in part predictable, its stakes were higher. We knew they’d find a way to reverse the snap we just didn’t know how. We speculated it would be time travel months ago but again we weren’t sure how that’d go. 

And while I appreciate that they tried to establish some rules prior to the time travel I feel that as soon as it was convenient they threw them out the window, more or less.  More on that later. 

What I liked about this movie?

I confess: I wanted the movie to start with this scene above. No music, no nothing just this scene that we also saw in the trailer. It just conveys so well how Infinity War ended, how our heroes feel. It’s tragic, no shred of hope. And yeah the trailers spoiled it because they also showed Tony back on Earth ( which I hated) it still would’ve been nice to start with this but I admit the scene with Clint and his family was heartbreaking but not surprising. 

Ok so what did I like in Endgame?

Cap’s determination to move forward, his willingness to help others do so and adapt to the new world post snap. it really shows the core qualities of Cap and why Steve is truly worthy to be Cap. 

I really liked Ant Man, Paul Rudd is just a delight to watch. I loved all of his reactions and I feel like he mirrored the audience pretty well. I mean he is a hero in his own right yet he is still an outsider reacting to everything around him and to the other more well known characters. 

The way the movie brought many things full-circle, it was like an ongoing thing. Staring with Thor killing Thanos and saying that this time he aimed for the head to Tony ending 11 years of MCU with the same line that he started it. 

Black Widow - she is not really one of my favourites. There’s nothing wrong with her it’s just I couldn’t invest in her as a character, but that’s a me problem not a problem with the character as is. But in this movie Black Widow was amazing and not because of the sacrifice she made but because she endured and basically took on Nick Fury’s mantle, so to speak, and tried to guide everyone and be that shinning light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Also, her friendship with Clint is amazing and I love that throughout all of the MCU the writers did not feel compelled to make them have a romantic relationship. There are other types of relationships in this world and I am glad Marvel understands that and showed us how beautiful her and Clint’s relationship is and how she supports him and loves him and vice versa. 

Everything with Rocket is amazing because he is amazing. 

I liked how they used time travel to give a nod to a lot of Marvel Movies, kinda paying homage to what was before while at the same time showing where we are now and how far our characters have evolved since this whole MCU started. It was beautifully done. And yes Tony talking to his father was nothing out of the ordinary, in terms of dialogue, the moment was heartfelt and it really caught me off guard. Steve seeing Peggy was a nice touch too even though we know it was there to kind of explain the ending but more on that later. 

Clint being badass. He is one of my favourite MCU characters.

The fact that Thor had a panic attack and pretty much got depressed after the events of Infinity War. I know many consider his character development that he got during Ragnarok was ruined, but I think what happened to him was a normal response. Think about it: Thor was the closest to killing Thanos, and because he aimed for the chest Thanos snapped his fingers. It was a matter of seconds. Thanos even teases him about it in IW. ANYONE in Thor’s shoes would feel like crap, like a failure because to him it feels like the faith of everyone who got dusted was in his hands and he was sloppy and missed and so because of him half of everyone on the planet disappeared. It didn’t matter that it was a team effort to try to bring Thanos down. The fact that in the last seconds before the snap it was just Thor and Thanos looking at each other with the latter teasing the former about not aiming right was enough for Thor to send him into depression. We could still see that it is the same Thor from Ragnarok but Thor lost so much and bottled up so many emotions that it was only natural that he’đ either have a full outburst of anger, wich he did in Infinity War or go into depression, which he also did in Endgame. So, yeah, in my opinion Thor was written pretty good. Ok, the fat jokes were kinda on the nose, but it did give us one of the best jokes in the movie when Tony called him Lebowski.

The final battle was freaking amazing even though I wanted Doctor Strange to have more screen time, but I guess he had his time in IW. Yet the moment he raised his finger and looked at Tony to let him know that was the one chance where they win was heartbreaking and utterly beautiful. Like this is it no screwing up. Now or never. 

CAPTAIN AMERICA WIELDING FREAKING MJOLNIR!

What I didn’t like or had doubts about: 

When Thanos mentioned that he destroyed the Infinity stones he said that they were basically atoms at the point when the Avengers came to fight him about it on the farm planet. If I remember correctly 2 or 3 days passed between the snap and them going on the farm planet after Thanos so I really wanted the avengers to try and have Scott go into the quantum realm to have him reassemble the stones at an atom level. It would have been harder, sure, but it was an option. wasn’t it?I guess it could have taken longer. 

I think it was already established in prior movies that the Gauntlet was the only item that could hold the infinity stones and harness their power. To me it was a bit off how Tony was able to make his own gauntlet, just because. It would have been a little bit better if they used the original gauntlet. It was still cool to see yet it took me out of the moment for a split second. 

Steve’s ending. Thematically I don’t think it works. Now, don’t get me wrong I want Steve to be happy but we’ve spend so many movies establishing that Steve was, at least, partially ok with the fact that he couldn’t go back to his own time. Sure he hold on to Peggy and what she meant to him but he accepted that he had a duty, that he couldn’t live a normal life even if he wanted to and in Endgame he even was the one to urge people to move on in the post snap world. Steve is a selfless, kind person and he couldn’t and wouldn’t sit on the sidelines while others suffer. It’s just not him. He also kinda fucked up the timeline. As far as I understood (feel free to correct me on this) because he returned the stones to their original locations the timeline stayed the same, it didn’t branch like the Ancient One said it would if even one stone would be removed. So, that means that the Peggy he went back to is the Peggy from the main timeline but we were told they can’t change the past so how can he go back and be with her if it is the main timeline while also doing what he did post coming out of the ice? It boggles my mind. But putting that aside, it’s just not Steve. His whole ark was moving on. And sure when he went to the 70s with Tony he saw Peggy and maybe thought to himself that there was a chance to be with her BUT our Steve, present Steve is not the same with the one who just came out of the ice 70 years ago. Yes he’d long for and miss her and want to go back but ultimately he wouldn’t because he moved on. He had a reunion with Peggy when she was old and it was bittersweet but he had closure, in a sense. 

The fact that he passed on his shield to Falcon. I know that is what happens in the comics but here we are talking about the MCU and in the MCU it does not make sense. Falcon had no ark in these movies (if I am not mistaken), and he does not have any powers of his own. He is just a guy with wings. in the comics he has powers so it makes sense to take on the mantle of Cap. In the MCU giving him the shield doesn’t mean added powers as well. Having a black captain america is an amazing concept and i’m 100% for it just not Falcon. 

I found it hilarious yet awful how Banner first said that time travel is not his area of expertise only to have him later on explaining time travel to everyone. Like, you could have made Tony do it after he came back and cracked time travel. I get Banner could know some stuff but if you establish he doesn’t know then he doesn’t know. 

While the CGi on Hulk was great for me it looked like uncanny valley for some reason. I know Professor Hulk is a thing in the comics but it looked so awkward and weird and it showed how the writers had no idea what to do with him like that. Banner shined when he was in his astral projection form while talking with the Ancient One but looked awkward for the rest of the movie. 

Captain Marvel - yeah she had the cool cool scene at the end which I loved but I dislike her character a lot. 

The plot point with Nebula being the means Thanos finds out about time travelling. 

The joke at the end with Thor and Star Lord dragged on for so long and it really wasn’t funny. Except the Asgardians of the Galaxy part, that was hilarious. 

Questions I had: 

How did Steve return the soul stone? 

If past Gamora came to the future and assuming it was the same timeline why couldn’t they go and grab Black Widow? Sure it would cheapen her sacrifice and I don’t want that to happen but it is a question that you have to wonder about. 

Nebula kills her past self…and nothing happens? I mean I know Hulk said your past becomes your future and all that but it doesn’t make sense however you look at it. Except if that Nebula was from a different branch, a different reality. 

If past Thanos came into the future and got killed there does that mean that the snap does not happen, assuming it is the same timeline? and if it’s not then does that mean there’s a timeline out there where the snap outright didn’t happen? 

How did Thanos destroy the Infinity stones in the first place? He is the most powerful being in the MCU so far but you gotta wonder how did he accomplish such a thing.

The movie was incredibly enjoyable, it didn’t feel like 3 hours at all. It was darker than Infinity War but less solid than the former. At least in my opinion. It is truly emotional to see all of the MCU movies leading up to these 2 which are by all means masterpieces of the genre. I mean sure they have flaws but we’ve got to admit they did raise the bar a lot. Many of the MCU movies did. Some titles were bland, sure but most were not. 

I’d give this movie a 9,5 out 10 which is almost perfect in my book. It was a perfect conclusion, all the time travel shenanigans and plot holes aside.