#I remember when this was first announced back in 2015

[night-waker]

[verstappentime]

From there, there's several more hospital pictures. Max can't picture sharing something so private. It seems like people are following along, though; all the posts have likes in the 5-figures.

There's several where he's just sitting up in bed, and a few of his leg, clearly badly injured: In a sling, in a full cast, in one of those traction things. One gruesome picture of pins in his ankle. He loves emojis, especially the kissy face one. He's upbeat most of the time, but Max can tell when things must have been really bad.

max/charles, 1.3k. it's 2017 and max finds out why he stopped hearing about charles leclerc. (part one?)

Max hasn't thought about Charles in a long time.

He's thought about him in the abstract, whenever he's coming out to someone new, saying, "Oh, her? I would not know, I'm gay." He's thought about being fourteen and unable to talk to Charles without a little secret smile, one he had to bite down. It's how he knew he liked boys for the first time.

But he left karting, and he went to Florida, and then he went to F3, and then to F1, and he left behind everyone his own age. He sees names he recognizes in F3, F2, but never Charles. He doesn't have time to wonder about it.

When he sees the Instagram post, he feels like a bird smacking into a glass window.

premateam 🚨 DRIVER ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨 Welcoming our 2017 F3 driver, Charles Leclerc. We always knew you'd be back, and we would be waiting. ❤️

Charles has done his hair short. He's grinning in the photo, flushed with happiness, leaning against a car with the number 16 plastered on. He's older, leaner. He's handsome.

charles_leclerc SURPRISEEEE! 😘 Better late than never. Three years ago I was learning to walk again. Today back in a single seater for the first time. Never give up ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for the opportunity @premateam

Max's pulse is thumping. Charles, who changed his life and never knew it. What happened to him?

He goes to the previous post. It's from a week ago: a picture of a crash helmet, red with stripes going up and over the top, white and a different shade of red.

charles_leclerc Dusting her off!!!! 🤫 Still fits 😝

He feels like he's missing way too much. He scrolls down rapidly, until the pictures start to wane in quality, probably taken on an older phone.

He clicks into one from 2015; Charles, in a hospital bed with a breathing tube in. He's younger, more like Max remembers him. He looks tiny. It twists something in Max's gut.

He swipes to the next one in the carousel; it's Charles sitting up in bed, dressed in a hospital gown, giving the camera a thumbs up. The third and final bit of the post is a video, Charles doing what looks like some sort of breathing treatment and waving to the person filming with a wink.

charles_leclerc Past week has been crazy… After seeing my car I'm just feeling lucky to be here… Thank you for all the support. Trying to get home soon, hard at work. Love to everyone ❤️❤️❤️

From there, there's several more hospital pictures. Max can't picture sharing something so private. It seems like people are following along, though; all the posts have likes in the 5-figures.

There's several where he's just sitting up in bed, and a few of his leg, clearly badly injured: In a sling, in a full cast, in one of those traction things. One gruesome picture of pins in his ankle. He loves emojis, especially the kissy face one. He's upbeat most of the time, but Max can tell when things must have been really bad.

charles_leclerc Goodbyeeee chest tube! You are not my friend anymore. One day at a time :) Means I get to go back to Monaco, can't wait 🇲🇨🇲🇨🇲🇨

charles_leclerc New hospital & new hardware in femur ✅✅✅ This one hurts can't lie!!! On my way to a new leg though, so good news

charles_leclerc Hard week, bored. Surgery #5️⃣ tomorrow

charles_leclerc Gross right??? Robot Charles incoming

charles_leclerc Got to shower and wash my hair todaaay how does everyone think I look??

charles_leclerc Was supposed to go home this week but infection means I have to stay 👎🏼 👎🏼 Thanks to my brothers for brightening up my room though. @arthurleclerc good luck this weekend 😘

charles_leclerc Surgery #9, maybe the last one! Is that a lucky number??

Max isn't sure what his heart is doing. Twisting, maybe. Charles looks thin and pale in most of the pictures. They're dated weeks apart. He must've been in the hospital an age. Charles had only admitted that he was in pain once, but it had to have been– God. Fucking awful.

Max hasn't seen him since he was 14, but Charles was always kind to him. Sweet. Funny. He was angry when he lost, but only for a little while; he was back and offering to help Max load up his kart within a few hours, rattling on about what he did wrong and how it would never happen again. Usually, it didn't. He smiled like the sun when he won.

Max hurts for him. He should be in F1 by now.

In one post, Charles has taken a picture of a race he's watching on TV. He would have seen Max. He was a few hours away, on the track in Imola, and Charles was in Monaco, in the hospital. It's strange. They've been in the same world the whole time.

Max can't help smiling at his phone when he scrolls to Charles going home. He's in a wheelchair; he's in a different cast, starting under the knee. The next post in the carousel, he's in the wheelchair, reaching up to hug his little brother, who Max has met a couple times.

charles_leclerc Home 🏠 ❤️❤️‍🥰 So happy. Thanks to everyone who sent me nice thingsss got to open it all today :)

The next post is a video; Max ticks on the volume to watch. He recognizes some of the likes – one's Daniel.

The caption says "BEST DAY!!! Four months later!!! Feels like I won a world championship:)" It's an edit, set to 'Rise Up,' which is unbearably corny, but Max has lost God knows how much time catching up on the past two and a half years, and he's not going to miss a win.

The video starts with a clip from the day of his crash; then the clips Max has seen before, of him smiling at the camera; one of him sitting up in bed, hooked up to oxygen with a kind-looking nurse supporting his back, talking to him quietly; a couple of him with a surgical cap on, one where he's clearly hazy.

The video's longer than a minute, so Charles has split it into two parts. Max swipes to the next one.

This one starts with the music is turned down and the raw sound is dialed up. Charles is sitting on the edge of a bed, a nurse supporting him under both armpits and helping him stand. He's grinning right at the person filming; from behind the phone, a man says something in enthusiastic French.

Max's breath catches when Charles comes into the frame, navigating the hospital and then his house with a walking frame – he has some sort of brace on his knee and a walking cast on. There's some where he's gritting his teeth, some where he's smiling. Max isn't sure if he's playing to the camera. It has to hurt. Max doesn't need to know French to know how fucking happy everyone is to see him doing it.

They're getting to the end part of the song, where the lady's singing I'll rise up, for you, and all that. It should be silly, but Max doesn't care. It's good. It's good.

He hasn't even gotten to the best part.

In the last clip, Charles, tentatively, someone spotting him from behind, is walking, still with a heavy brace supporting his bad leg, but by himself.

Max hasn't seen him in three years, but he wants to hug him so badly. He's not sure they've ever done that before. It's better, still, knowing he's going to drive again. He did drive again. If Max cried more, he might now.

Max feels like he's got tunnel vision. This separate life, this place where their stories diverged; he never got to be a part of it, and he feels– weirdly bereft. He never knew Charles beyond their on-track friendship, but there's a strange sense of sadness. There's this nagging thought, I should have been there. He wants to know everything.

He finally lets Instagram lie and Googles Charles Leclerc crash.

[blossoms-phan]

✨philm club✨ rewatch - october 19th, 2015

liveshow - notes/thought yaps under the cut!

i love how they’re explaining how they do their individual liveshows to each other like im not saying they were just sat in the other room twice a week watching the other persons liveshow but like surely you have some idea of how it usually goes lmao

“im quite mellow today we’ve been in a car for a while” phil does seem like he has more mellow/chill energy in this one i imagine they were tired but also so go go go at this point resting for a second would only slow them down more

6 year friendiversary and dinof anniversary! It's so insane to me that it was only 6 years atp like this dnp was not too long after i became obsessed with them and i blinked and now its 15 years

dan “reassess your lives” and phil “i think you should be thanking them”- i think this is fascinating and ties into how today dan still automatically goes “im so sorry” when people say i've been watching you for x years and it makes us all want to shake him by the shoulders and say don't apologize silly man!!!!!!!!! take the compliment we mean it with love!!!!!!

dan exposing his ass to audience in leeds and years later during wad great stuff 

phil smacking his head on stage wow some things really don't change 

“calm down” in a silly voice from dan always reminds me of the cLaM dOWN airplane northern voice live clip 

i haven’t rewatched a liveshow in so long so much hair adjusting 

they sound so british sometimes 

“dan do you know what yaoi is” this is so funny to me you are asking the poster boy for yaoi day in 2024

looking at pics of p!atd on tumblr COME BACK TO ME TUMBLRINAA they r right btw i love pretty odd 

“dan choke me with your legs” why r u reading that. whore. see in 2015 knowing that a literal child probably said this its kinda cringe but also me with sister daniel and like all the Thigh in general these days so who am i to speak

“i like being remembered because that doesnt happen often with the celebrity folks”  :( this is sweet i know this time was A Lot and in general the radio stuff wasn't for them in the end and they appreciate that it was cool and fun but dan also mentioned how it was annoying to just be brushed off or being in a position where you're just forced to chase after all these big named people that dgaf about you but its just nice to see they noticed when they were remembered and the 1975 mention i could write an essay about 2018 dan and the album abiior

phil stopped the bus for fish and chips hehe i literally had fish and chips today this is cray. i hope they actually had them for dinner this day i would love to have a parasocial fish and chip night with them

you are pal creators :’) 

editing tips mention they are so unserious 

i am so emotionally attached to the london apartment but referring to it as “the house” when they have an actual House now is really getting to me 

aww talking about tabinof :’( i cant remember if i've talked about this before but there was hugee “drama” back in the day when it was first announced of people accusing them of selling out or some dumb shit when this wasn't another copycat youtuber ghostwritten book they poured their hearts into it as silly and fun as it was and the way dan talks about it really shows that i hope they were proud of it and still are

dan you don't really have the same hair but ok 

talking about the australian today show and they were just on it last month!! why does that make me so emo 

bitten right on the florida

bakeee offfff mention this is why i loved liveshows like just yapping about the shows they watch and cry over together

dan self aware get over it crashing out “so what he enjoys a themed drink” he is so silly dfjfkdfksfkj i love this part

can i live in that autumn moment?

rare what phil has been listening to! movie soundtracks ok king

dan being a little pretentious talking about their differing tv show opinions and phil just mocking his hand movements and giving a 2 word review their dynamic is so dear to me

Is this an unpopular opinion idk i can’t stand 3d movies  

black and blue as always

phil’s laugh and look and dan going “you cheeky little bugger” at him putting “phil and dan” on the chair page<3

hearing them talk about tour in the tatinof days when it was their first go and things like how its amazing hearing people sing to the preshow playlist in the context of like right now is soooooo as a longtime fan who yearned to attend tatinof while it was happening but couldn’t and finally actually experienced them and the magic of a dan and phil show and things like singing hot to go with phannies just a few months ago god im going to miss this era sm

the apocalypse/ai/technology tangent is scarily relevant right now and from nearly 10 years ago wow hashtag we’re all doomed

susan boyle after the amazingdan reaction video lmaoo

they were really doing the most during this era like omg so many promises of things coming soon among the tour and spooky week and book and they were literally just home for one day after being in a car for hours earlier that day like they seem in good spirits in this one and i know its just chill chatting for an hour but boys! take a breather! 

overall i enjoyed this one! i don't rewatch old liveshows a lot but this is a fun way for us all to commit to rewatching and discussing one a week bc there's always so many fun little forgotten details and i think it would be fun to continue even post break! i was very tired while watching this and somehow still wrote out this very long yappy list of notes which are really just a stream of consciousness which no one will read probably but i humbly present them anyways <3

[hrts4hanniehae]

Special Announcement Video Jan 2023

*this is not a representation of the members of svt irl. y/n race and character type will be pre-determined to allow for a better plot.

*relationship has been established to other Seventeen members

masterlist

[a special announcement? what could be happening?]

Dino appears in front of the camera and sits down in a chair

Dino: Annyeonghaseyo, I’m Seventeen’s Dino.

Y/N goes to sit next to him

Y/N: Konnichiwa, I’m Seventeen’s Y/N.

Dino: We have an announcement to make.

[the announcement]

Dino pulls Y/N’s chair towards him and holds her hand tightly.

Y/N squeezes his hand back and leans onto him.

Dino: In June 2018, Y/N and I became a couple. I liked her since 2015 and she began to like me in 2017.

Y/N: We dated in secret until 2020 when the pandemic hit and I was sent back to Japan to help with HYBE Japan promotions. Dino accidentally let it slip to the rest of Seventeen, who helped to keep our secret until 2022. 

Dino: We told our managers and the company at the end of 2022 and got scolded for quite a while for hiding it. But finally… in 2023, we were allowed to share our 5-year love with Carats worldwide. 

Y/N: This video is being released because today is officially our 5th anniversary. Thank you for supporting Seventeen thus far and I hope that you all will continue to support Dino and me in our relationship.

-

S.Coups: I sort of expected Y/N and Dino to have feelings for each other, but I didn’t expect them to have been dating for 2 years before we found out.

Seungkwan: We were all very shocked to find out.

Vernon: It was crazy.

Jeonghan: Dino was in tears when he found out Y/N was staying in Japan for almost 2 years. 

DK: Wah… I remember his face…

Mingyu: I remember the horror on Y/N’s face when Dino let it slip that they were together. “How can I not react this way when I’m going to be in a long-distance relationship with the love of my life?!”

Wonwoo: You even remember it word for word, LOL!

Joshua: Y/N was horrified and we were so… in shock.

The8: In Dino’s defence, he was drunk when Y/N told us she was leaving Korea for more than a year. When we told Dino that Jun and I were going back to China for the same period, he didn’t even react that… much.

Jun: Yeah…

Woozi: I could tell that Dino liked Y/N in some way.

Hoshi: Really? I couldn’t.

-

Masaharu: Konnichiwa, I’m Kimura Y/N’s twin brother, Kimura Masaharu. I’ve met with the other Seventeen members a few times when I travelled to Korea and Dino was introduced to me as my younger sister’s boyfriend back in… 2020. 

Jirou: Konnichiwa! I’m Kimura Jirou, the youngest of the three Kimura siblings! You may also know me as Kiji from the 5th Gen Kpop group, TOX6! I became an idol because I was inspired by my sister. When I first watched ‘Hit the Road’, I finally realised how much my sister went through. That inspired me to audition for TOX6 and I got in!

-

Jirou: When she told me about her relationship with Dino-hyung, I was a bit scared because I knew how the public saw relationships in the idol industry. But when I looked at Dino-hyung, I knew he wouldn’t let my sister cry.

-

[Now you may be wondering why we did a video of the relationship reveal like this. Well… that’s because we want to show Carats how many people support this relationship in the hopes that you all can continue to give support to Y/N and Dino.]

-

Twice

Dahyun: I didn’t expect Y/N to tell us directly about her relationship.

Momo: Neither did I. 

Sana: She was shaking as she told us and I could tell she was so scared to let us know about it. 

Mina: I’m so glad she trusted us enough to tell us. They make a wonderful couple!

-

TxT

Yeonjun:  I was very surprised that Y/N-noona and Dino were dating.

Soobin: Yeah no kidding… 

Yeonjun: Of course, I’m happy for my two good friends!

Soobin: Y/NDino has TxT’s full support! 

-

Skz

Changbin: Y/N-noona, fighting! Dino, fighting! You’re a great match!

Leeknow: Congratulations, Y/N!

-

Atz

Yunho: They’re dating? No way… 

Seonghwa: Really? Wow…

Wooyoung: Wow… Good job, noona…

Hongjoong: Since 2018? Wow…

Mingi: That’s insane… 

San: Congratulations!

Jongho: Wow…

Yeosang: Y/N-noona, fighting!

-

Bnd

Jaehyun: Noona? And Dino-sunbaenim? Wow… Congratulations…

Riwoo: Fighting!!

Sungho: Congratulations!

-

EN- 

Heesung: Wow I didn’t expect that… Congratulations, Noona! 

Niki: Congratulations,  Noona.

-

Kim Sejong: Congratulations my dear little sister! I wish you many days of happiness!!

-

&TEAM

EJ: Noona, congratulations!!

Fuma: Y/N-san, I hope you have many happy days ahead!

K & Nicholas: Always be happy, Y/N-san!

Yuma & Jo: Congratulations!!

Harua: Congratulations, Y/N-senpai!

Taki & Maki: Fighting!

-

The scene fades back to Dino and Y/N. 

Y/N: So, that’s our relationship reveal! The day this is released is the day of our actual anniversary. I know this isn’t the most conventional relationship reveal, but we managed to hide our relationship from Carats for 5 years. I think that’s something worthy of a huge reveal.

Dino: So, we shall end this video with a video montage of pictures from our 5-year relationship. Thank you for loving us all this time. 

-

“I see the world in her eyes.” - Dino

“In my eyes, he is the world–my world.” - Y/N

[Happy 5th Anniversary, Dino and Y/N]

current taglist: @fairyofhour @megseungmin @sun-daddy-yoriichi @woozixo @euphoric-univers @christinewithluv @haowonbins @ocyeanicc @asyre @superhoshisvt @bangantokchy @chimmy-bts @angelarin @daisawa @writingbarnes @jeonghansshitester @belladaises @wonwootakemyheart @wonwooz1 @luchiet @kookssecret @thepoopdokyeomtouched @isabellah29 @leah-rose03 @coupshour @sooheehan @heesbees @hyuckxtagram @kissesfrmwonwoo @httphera @porridgesblog

[haveyouseenthismovie-poll]

End of month update - August (+ September 1st)

Hello, all! This is the end-of-month update, where I post Tumblr’s current top four films that have received the highest percentage of “yes,” “no,” and “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes. Sorry this one's a day late!

As of today, the top four films with the highest percentage of “yes” votes are:

Finding Nemo (2003) | Shrek (2001) | Monsters, Inc. (2001) | The Lion King (1994)

Next, the top four films with the highest percentage of “no” votes are:

Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) | Sausage Party (2016) | Pinocchio (2019) | The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)

This top four changed through the new addition of The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009), which replaced Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014).

Finally, the top four films with the highest percentage of “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes are:

Faat Kiné (2001) | Now Add Honey (2015) | Like a Cat on a Highway (2017) | The Noah (1975)

This top four changed through the new addition of The Noah (1975), which replaced Dean Spanley (2008).

That’s it for August’s end-of-month update! Remember that you can view last month’s update by clicking here. Additionally, you can view the full ranked Letterboxd lists of movies that have come up on this blog by clicking the following links:

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “yes” votes.

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “no” votes.

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes.

Remember to vote on the polls that are currently running: Prisoners (2013) | The Edukators (2004) | King Kong (2005) | The Raven (1963) | Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998) | Chungking Express (1994) | A Monkey's Tale (1999) | Inside Llewyn Davis (2013) | Wait Until Dark (1967) | Sound of Noise (2010) | Shoplifters (2018) | Aniara (2018) | Russian Ark (2002) | Samsara (2011) | The Emperor's Wife (2003) | Children of Men (2006) | Sleep Has Her House (2017) | We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story (1993) | The Others (2001) | Chocolate Babies (1996) | Tampopo (1985) | Herbie Fully Loaded (2005) | Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (1996) | Léon Morin, Priest (1961) | The Age of Adaline (2015) | Funeral Parade of Roses (1969) | Zambezia (2012) | Gett: The Trial of Viviane Amsalem (2014) | Mulan (1998) | Lilo & Stitch (2002) | Z (1969) | The Killer (1989) | Martyrs (2008) | Ashes and Diamonds (1958) | Dark Star (1978)

Also, I plan to open the ask box again this week, sometime before the 5th (Thursday)! There will be a post announcing when it’s open, so keep an eye out for that if you’d like to request some movies!

[virtual-winter]

It's been 10 years since I first watched Frozen!🌻❄️⛏️☃️🦌

(Swedish DVD-copy of Frozen)

November 20th, 2014. It seems like forever ago. I remember watching this movie through my desktop ASUS PC (remember when computers used to have actual DVD-drives?) on a by today's standards pretty crappy Philips monitor. It didn't matter. The movie was like nothing else I had seen before. Even though I don't even have a sibling and can't fully relate to the conflict, Anna and Elsa's adventure is IMO one of the best stories ever told💕

I was 22 back then. A young man and totally in love with this Disney movie. Now I'm 32 and it continues to be among my favourite movies of all time. Even now, ten years later, I still live and breathe Frozen every day! It is a part of who I became and it is the way I wish to remain 😄

I have become a devoted fan of all things Frozen and I'm trying my best to be a part-time Frozen-analyst, mapmaker, worldbuilder and collector. I'm also known for using too many emotes and exclamation marks!

Below, I have tried to summarise some important and meaningful keepsakes and events from the past ten years. I hope you enjoy scrolling!✨✨✨

I believe this was the first ever Frozen-related pic that I saved (it's the oldest in my album) (April 2015)

I was equally in love with the OUAT Frozen arc and no one can tell me Georgina and Elizabeth were anything but perfect for their roles (April 2015)

🥹🥹🥹

(March 2015)

In just a couple of years we saw the franchise grow (did anyone else prefer the original logo for the musical?) (February 2016)

The official announcement we'd all been waiting for (April 2017)

The architect in me loved the castle! (2017)

I mean, who could ever forget this moment? (December 2018)

AJHFSJASJFKAGKJFGSKFDSGSJF!?!?!?!?!?!? (February 2019)

What are those????? (February 2019)

My first piece of "big" Frozen merch (April 2019)

I made a custom calendar just to count down the remaining days to Frozen II (I also avoided spoilers for the last 6 1/2 months) (December 2019)

🥹🥰😭

(December 2019)

Perfectly balanced, as it should be (February 2020)

Me collecting stuff! (February 2020)

Me going crazy saving as much Frozen content as possible 😅 (August 2020)

I joined r/Frozen (June 2021)

I started my deep-dive into Arendelle's geography in 2021 which ultimately lead to "An odyssey through Frozen geography", the first of many fandom projects! (July 2021)

Together with a group of equally dedicated Frozen nerds fans, I helped building the @arendelle-archives server and later tumblr-blog! (2021)

Collecting more things! (October 2021)

A Frozen comic writer responded to my reddit post?😲(December 2021)

I started developing ideas for a Frozen fanfic (2022)

Frozen III-announcement! Finally! (February 2023)

My Norway-trip of 2023. Without a doubt one of the most beautiful destinations on Earth and a must-go for anyone who wants to visit the real Arendelle!!! (July 2023)

I continue to delve into more map-related stuff in Wonderdraft (May 2024)

Together with the rest of the wonderful folks over at @frozen10fanzine, I helped create and design a fanzine summarising the memories of Frozen fans from the past decade! (July 2024)

A slice of my current Frozen collection! Some figures were very kindly donated to me by @yumeka-sxf 🙌 (July 2024)

And lastly, from today: the first snow of the season❄️🩵

If you made it this far, thank you for scrolling😅

Finally, a little shout-out to friends and acquaintances I've made through the likes of reddit, discord and tumblr in the past few years:

@bigfrozenfan @yumeka-sxf @greatqueenanna @queenritaofarendelle @saiten-gefroren @snowflaketale12 @cloudberriesforaqueen @theartoffrozen @secretsofthestorymakers

A big thank you also to the whole @arendelle-archives and @frozen10fanzine - teams! Y'all continue to inspire me!

[grison-in-space]

Watching the new Alex Jones doc, which is heavy on the alt right response to Sandy Hook and the gun rhetoric that followed... so yeah I thought of when I was teaching during #GunFreeUT back in 2015 as a PhD student in Austin. I would have been about 25. When people came to my workplace and the state said that the students had been complaining* about how frightened they were to be away from their firearms for twenty minutes. When the entire campus was newly declared acceptable for open carry of ducking semiautomatic rifles. The undergrad who organized #CocksNotGlocks, who accurately pointed out that state obscenity laws banned sex toys in public to appeal to people's comfort and sensibilities, but would not consider such a thing for deadly weapons. As I recall, she drew massive waves of harassment from random people who were actual alt right adults with jobs and lives, not college students. I think she had to take a gap year.

*in fact the law was extremely unpopular among the UT Austin student body, most of who were horrified by having to confront the possibility of deadly weapons belonging to fuck only knows whom in not only their workplace but their homes.

I remember standing in a room for staff resistance through #GunFreeUT, the smell of the room, the texture of the cotton shirt I wore. The hastily organized attempts to carve out any freedom we could. The horrified stipulations about whether firearms could be kept out of classrooms themselves if not campuses (no), and the fretful whispers about what the state had declared about our offices, how we were going to be able to declare them gun free zones... If we agreed that students with concealed carry licenses could choose to meet with us somewhere where the gun was allowed to go. The group that announced it was going to celebrate its new open carry status by staging a school shooting on campus, the shooter of course to be played by a "good guy with a gun." The university announcing that they had interceded and made clear to the group that this re enactment could not take place, so they kicked the demonstration a couple of blocks away. Happened at a local gas station.

I was still seeing sad flyers from office staff and teachers saying things like PLEASE NO GUNS IN THIS SPACE when I graduated with my PhD in 2020, the first winter the pandemic was in full swing. I remember the texture of the paper the last time I saw it vividly. I catch myself starting to think about the campus school stabbing I would teach through in 2017 and any one of a hundred more rearguard final stands between the city and the state and—

Okay, that's where I got up and walked off to get a soda. You're getting me now after I've had a minute.

That's a classic PTSD flashback, in case you're wondering. At no time do my senses report anything to my mind about anything unusual happening in the room. At no time, while I remember these things, do I believe that I am currently in danger for my life. It's a strong, vivid memory, but only a memory.

But it's a memory that grabs you by the mind and shakes you. That's a flashback. It's a classic simple PTSD flashback as a consequence of fear and stress sustained over time. Other folks around me who think maybe PTSD or maybe cPTSD applies to you, if you're hung up on not thinking you get anything like flashbacks?

That's what a flashback is from the inside. Your brain is running over the memory of the thing that forever changed your estimation of safety. Just in case you might forget.

Just, you know. In case anyone is wondering.

[bitchslapblastoids]

You know kudos to dan and phil actually. Their whole "healing your inner child and moving from your past" thing they've been doing in this new post hiatus TIT era has been far more successful that I realised. Im rewatching 2014/2015 era videos (currently festive ditl) and Ive realised for the first time theres no second voice in my head going "dont assume, every interaction doesnt have to mean something, dont speculate" etc. And im simply sitting here, smiling ear to ear, appreciating how much they have always loved each other and how it seeps into everything they do.

Oh this is such a lovely message! I so wholeheartedly agree; they've been so successful!

And yeah, I mean, there’s a reason we’ve been here like 👁️👄👁️ all along, and it’s because they’ve been like 🩵👃🩵 + 🤎👃🤎 all along. But it is nice to not feel like you’re accidentally reading someone’s diary or something every time you notice their loud love. I felt some complicated feelings about some of the reflecting they did in tit, esp wrt Dan’s “retraumatizing” line, but ultimately when I watch old content back now, it's even further expanded my compassion for younger-them and how hard they were trying with absolutely no blueprint while lowkey under siege for such a long time.

But also yeah, you referring to it as the “tit era” makes me think about how deliberately in concert their yt content/social media presence has been with the vibe of the tour.

Do I think their demeanor in vids post-renaissance is partially just way more natural for them and true to how they act irl? Yeah, and there’s definitely the “dan and phil don’t give a fuck” of it all, but also…. They did such a good job this past year of hooking in phannies that had drifted. phannies that were moderately engaged became hyperengaged. They started shining their own spotlight on the corners of their past that only we had been holding in the light; they started being openly sexual where there was once just innuendo; they started even more directly engaging onscreen with everything that had been happening within the fandom offscreen; they broke the fourth wall more than they ever had and kinda stopped pretending it had ever really been there. They knew that we knew that we knew that they knew etc, and now that doesn’t have to be hush hush.

I think a lot of this was preparing their audience for the show, and surely helped with ticket sales. They kicked off the themes of the show long before they even announced it, and their content has mirrored those themes. There's a chance i'm getting this turned around, and the show is reinforcing the themes that they're trying to embody irl/online. i guess i think both are true? but i just don't think we talk much about their strategy because we're busy eating up what they're feeding, creating the exact fervor i think they've been trying to generate for the past year, and relishing in this new paradigm.

I remember seeing @simplydnp's post where they mentioned the react to pinofs being a way to “defang” the whole notion of them facing their history alongside us, to ease us into laying bare a lot of what had been elephants in the room, and yeah, i feel like they've done a clever job getting us accustomed to this feeling of, idk, risk? of opennesss? Of almost almost almost? of love saturating everything they do? Which was always kind of there but more muted and rarely deliberate on their part, it was just what we picked up on because they're loud and obvious. Now they’ve normalized that and given us permission to just openly love all of it.

tldr basically i agree lol

[pseudophan]

sometimes I like stumbling across archived/heritage phandom blogs bc I was only really active in phandom spaces during their peak like between 2014-17 and I’ve been watching consistently since then but just not engaging with blogs and stuff and I’ve been having the time of my life on here since the revival (just as a lurker/asker/appreciator of everyone on here for their gifs and posts) but then I remember that I ran an Instagram page for that time period and it’s such a fucking trip looking back I’m constantly reminded by old cringe comments on YouTube but wdym I was there for when the radio show and dapg was first announced and why the fuck do I have captions saying “guys pls respect cat” “i hope the 4chan stuff calms down and they don’t get targeted”

NOTTTTT the 4chan thing lmao this sends me every time i'm reminded of it. i love looking through old blogs as well but it's such a weird feeling when their last post was way before dnp came out. like a lot of people were inactive for years but then came back for just a day when big dropped but then some blogs have been fully dead since 2015 and it killllssss me like i need to know what their reaction was!!! stranger on the internet whose decade old blog i found five minutes ago what was your reaction to dan and phil coming out..

[mlmarint]

hello to the bridgerton fandom: here is my thoughts about what happened.

first, i am a bridgerton fan since 2015/16 when i read the books, i was active on facebook and twitter about it back then, so i am not even a little surprised how much hate we saw in the last hours.

i remember VERY clearly how much racism there was involving casting people of color back when the cast was announced. i stopped being active on the fandom, i left the facebook groups, i stopped following pages, all because i hated seeing so much hate and racism. i remember how much hate regé had to endure “because simon wasn’t black”. honestly, i remember being confused about how they would handle casting poc in a history drama like bridgerton, but i LOVED the ideia of embracing history inaccuracy like they did it with the tv show. we need more of that on media.

but back on regeé, he had to suffer with “not looking like simon” and then being absurdly sexualized int he show. AND before anyone says “oh it’s an explicit show everyone was sexualized”:

1 - rewatch simon’s scene and compare them with others characters

2 - read the comments and the way people (specifically white woman) said about him

3 - also, read an article about the sexualization of the black body by white people

so, no i don’t believe that regé left the show because “he wanted to try other things”. this fandom it’s so so disgusting and has been for a long time.

when i met john, i saw a lot of people saying he was ugly. he’s a handsome man.

people loved the idea of lesbian!eloise, but it had to be with a white woman. the moment michaela appeared on the scene most of you didn’t hate her because she wasn’t michael, most of you hated because she was a BLACK WOMAN and that made frannie bisexual. probably if michaela was white the amount of hate would be less then we have right now.

listen, i am a fan of the book and frannie’s it’s one of my favorites loosing only for eloise’s and daphne’s. i was SAD that i wouldn’t had michael on the screen, but i also like the idea of michaela. i know sometimes they have to change things on adaptations, and when they change it to people of color or make someone queer?? i love it even more. “oh but don’t change a character for it, create another one, i want this one”. he have millions of straight histories out there, let’s tell queer stories in shows with audiences like bridgerton. let’s make a history drama not be about two queer people that suffered and died without being able to show their love. let’s make this because it’s necessary and beautiful.

and its okay to be sad about “losing” michael, but ask yourself: why am i truly sad about it? at what point this sadness it’s becoming hate?

now, about the fact that “this changes frannie storie and i don’t like it”. it only changes a little bit and honestly they have a possibility of changing for even better.

i personally didn’t like francesca’s reaction when she met michaela. one very important thing about her history and biggest one it’s that she wasn’t attracted or in love with michael when she was with john, she learned it was okay to want and love michael after johns death and THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL. i really hope they don’t go towards a infidelity plot (cheating it’s not just kissing or sex, it can be a lot of things) john was her first love, she loved two people, but she loved and was happy with john. now, if that was just a bi panic moment? don’t care about this, fine, it’s okay and understandable. i just don’t want her having sex dreams about michaela while with john. please don’t do this.

that being said.

the whole “infertility plot” can be EVEN more powerful on her season. why? she would loose john’s baby. she wants to be a mother. if she stays with michaela? she won’t have a baby. later she can realize that she can adopt and there’s more than one way of being a mother, but that would be something to work towards it. she would have to abandon her dream (again, later realize she can still have it) in name of being in love and happy again. THAT IS SO POWERFUL.

the queen probably will give some permission to michaela be the earl, michaela could fight for the titles go to woman’s too. again, it’s not a historical accurate show.

in queen charlotte’s story the society had to deal with poc be included in society, in frannie story they’d have to heal with queer people be included on it.

frannie story can be so more powerful and beautiful and important.

yes bridgerton it’s a not perfect show, it’s not a 100% good adaptation, but it can be a powerful show. having poc and queer representation on it would be so more important than having your little story book become real on tv.

i don’t think that they’ll change eloise’s story specifically because we already met her *male* love interest, maybe she can have a fling with a woman next season, but honestly she needs to grow up before her season.

i don’t honestly know about benedict’s season. i don’t think they’ll genderbent sophie, but if they did it i would like it too. i honestly think they only made him bisexual (and frannie too) because they saw it the fans liked the idea.

BUT i think they can change hyacinth’s and gregory’s histories too. AND i would love to see it two. imagine hyacinth doing crime with a woman, IMAGINE gregory STEALING the GROOM from the altar (said groom having to be force to marry a woman despite being gay). i would love to see it.

honestly, i stoped hoping for book accuracy since anthony’s season and as much i didnt love it at the beginning, i learned to love it with time as a different and separate thing from the books.

you can be sad. just don’t spread hate. don’t be a racist. don’t be biphobic and/or queerphobic.

it’s so beautiful to have something like this happening in pride month don’t ruin another thing.

and if you want to “stop the show, it’s ruined for me” go ahead and do it. honestly? it won’t change a thing, people will still watch and it will still happen. queer people will continue to fight and love, and queer histories will continue to be told.

[atzjieun]

one step closer

summary | jieun gets some helpful advice on her last day as a jyp trainee

circa | september 2015

contains | 1.6k words, talks about self-doubt

note | when one door closes :)

Jieun felt like a failure.

And in a way, she was. 

It’s been two years since she first stepped into the JYP Entertainment building with the dream of becoming a singer, and just two months prior, that dream was dangled right in front of her face before being snatched away. She’d come so close, but with each step she took towards the exit of the building, she could feel her hopes of becoming an idol slip further and further out of reach. 

Perhaps it was wrong for her to get her hopes up. Jieun had known since the beginning of Sixteen that she was lacking in many aspects, but she thought that if she worked hard and put in the effort, she could hide these flaws and earn her spot in the debut group. 

For a while, it seemed to work. She could feel the support of the audience every time she walked on stage and knew that they were rooting for her. She wasn’t the best dancer, possibly even the worst on the show, but the audience supported her regardless because they thought she had more to bring. And maybe she did, but none of that mattered because at the end of the day, Jieun was the one sitting alone on a bench outside the JYPE building, no longer a contestant of Sixteen, or even a trainee anymore.

She stared down at the concrete, gaze tracing over every little crack and crevice as she listened to the sound of passing cars in the distance. The passing cars, the floating conversations of civilians, the buzz of the nearby streetlamp, it all distracted her from the loudest noise of all: the voice in her head that continuously repeated one sentence. 

You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You fail-

Jieun snapped her head up at the sound of a throat being cleared, her eyes widening when her gaze met none other than GOT7 Jinyoung’s. The man gave her a soft smile as he motioned to the bench. 

“Mind if I take a seat?” Hesitantly, she nodded, sliding over to give him more room. “You’re Jieun, right?” 

Taken aback, Jieun gave a small nod. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise that he knew her name, considering they’d both been trainees when she’d first joined, but that time period had been brief as the GOT7 lineup was finalized only months later. The two had also never interacted before that moment, which only added to her shock. 

As though reading her mind, Jinyoung gave a small chuckle. 

“I remember when you were a new trainee,” he said. “Nayeon wouldn’t let any of us say hi to you because she was worried we were going to scare you.” Jieun’s eyebrows raised in surprise. 

“Really?” 

Jinyoung nodded. “I mean, it was probably for the best at the time.” He looks off into the distance, shaking his head in amusement. “I think that if we had, you would’ve left the company then and there.” The comment made Jieun giggle as she looked down, reminiscing on her first few months at the company. 

Those first few months at JYPE were awful. She’d felt lost, trapped in a constant state of questioning if she was making the right choice by pursuing an idol career. However, as she became closer with the other trainees, those feelings dissipated and were replaced with anticipation about standing on stage and performing for an audience. All she could do was wait patiently for the day her debut would be announced. 

The smile slowly faded from Jieun’s face as those same feelings came rushing back. The doubt, the wondering if she was good enough to be an idol; it all flooded her senses without warning. 

“Jieun?” She blinked, Jinyoung’s voice bringing her back to reality. Jieun looked up, her eyes meeting his concerned gaze before her eyes dropped back to the ground. 

They sat in silence for a few seconds as Jinyoung thought of what to say. After a brief pause, he spoke up. 

“Some of my members watched Sixteen, including me,” he began, voice soft. “You really tried your best and improved a lot throughout the show. I’m sorry that you didn’t get the result you wanted.”

Jieun took in a deep breath before drawing out a long sigh.  

“It’s ok, you don’t need to say sorry,” she replied with a simple shrug. “There were just too many things that I was lacking in, so it makes sense that I wasn’t chosen for debut. I wasn’t good enough.” 

A frown made its way onto Jinyoung’s face. His gaze lingered on the girl for a few seconds, an inaudible sigh leaving his lips as he tried to think of what to say. 

“Jieun, I understand your disappointment,” he said. A bit surprised at his words, she glanced over, though kept her eyes low. “You worked so hard and got your hopes up, but now it just stings because you feel like you wasted your time.” 

Jieun slowly raised her gaze, making eye contact with the man. Surprise shone in her eyes as she gave a hesitant nod. Jinyoung nodded back. 

“When I was watching Sixteen and saw you performing, all I could think about was “wow, Jieun has grown so much”, and I felt proud seeing how much you’ve improved since I last saw you.” He smiled at her before going on. “Anyways, the point I’m trying to make is that, even though you didn’t get the result you wanted, your hard work wasn’t completely wasted. You still want to be an idol, right?” 

Jieun opened her mouth to reply, but found herself unable to answer. Did she want to be an idol? There were so many other talented trainees that had the same dream as her, people who put in a lot more time and effort than she ever had. Who was she to try and take away the opportunity to debut from others when she herself was lacking in so many aspects? Even if she worked harder than ever and improved herself, there was no guarantee that she would ever actually debut. 

Before she could say anything, Jinyoung spoke up again. 

“Honestly, this career is really difficult,” he said, looking out into the distance. “Schedules are exhausting, living under a microscope and dealing with hate can be draining. Even trainee life- the constant anxiety about when, or if you’ll debut, and feeling like you’re not good enough. It’s a hard thing to deal with.” 

Jieun stared at him with wide eyes, though stayed quiet as he went on. 

“But the feeling of being on stage when adrenaline is running through your veins, knowing there’s so many people that support you- it’s surreal, and for me, it makes all the hard parts worth it.” Jinyoung looked over, meeting her gaze with a sympathetic smile. “But that’s all my opinion, and you might be completely different. There’s nothing wrong if you realize that you don’t want to pursue the idol life, but you should make that decision for yourself.” 

She could do nothing but stare at him. He was right in every aspect; she could either continue through the hardships to do something she loved, or she could turn back now and leave this dream behind. Jieun remembered being on stage, the warm rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins and the roar of the audience. It was truly an unforgettable feeling. Could she really give that up? 

Jieun turned to Jinyoung, their eyes meeting. Slowly, a determined look made its way across her face. 

“I want to keep doing this,” she admitted. “This is my dream. I want to do this.” 

A wide smile spread across Jinyoung’s face as he nodded at the girl. Before he could reply, a honk in the distance caused them both to look over. Jieun squinted as a white car came to a stop along the curb. 

“Oh, I think that’s my brother,” she said, sheepishly glancing over at him. 

“Well then, Jieun,” he said as he brought himself to his feet. Jieun followed suit.  “I believe in you, and I’m looking forward to your debut.” Jinyoung extended his closed fist toward her. She looked down at it, then up at him, and smiled as they fist-bumped. 

“Thank you.” 

Jinyoung simply nodded, gesturing towards her brother’s car. Jieun grabbed her bags, letting out a big sigh as she started walking. After a few steps, she stopped, turning her body back to him. She leaned over and bowed 90 degrees. When she stood up straight again, Jieun gave one last smile. 

“I’ll be on stage one day, I promise.” 

He smiled at the girl and nodded once before Jieun turned back and began jogging towards the car. She opened the passenger’s side door and hopped in. 

“Hey, who’s that?” Jihoon asked as she closed the car door. Jieun glanced over, watching as Jinyoung walked back into the JYPE building. 

“GOT7’s Jinyoung,” she replied bluntly. “He gave me some advice.” 

“Wanna talk about it?” Jihoon asked as he started the car. 

She shook her head. “Maybe later.” 

Jieun watched as they started moving, the JYPE building slowly getting further and further out of view before it was too far back for her to see. A quiet sigh escaped her lips as she turned to face forward again. The further they got, the more it felt like Jieun was walking away from her dream. She didn’t know what she was going to do from that point onward, but her promise to Jinyoung rang throughout her head. 

Jieun dreamed of standing on stage again, and although she wasn’t sure how long it would take, she knew that with every day that passed, she was one step closer to achieving her dream. She just had to remember to not give up before it happened. 

[impala-dreamer]

Tourniquet - Chapter Four

A Supernatural Dean x Reader Series Told Backwards

~Y/N has been by Dean’s side through his worst days, always there if he needs her, forever just a call away. Love is impossible to fight and more impossible to live with. Just a side character in his epic life, Y/N would give anything just to give Dean a moment’s peace.~

Please see MASTERLIST for full info/warnings/chapter links.

Impala-Dreamer’s Masterlist  ~  Patreon  ~ Published Works

The Things She Carried

She hadn’t seen him in years. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to. God, she wanted to so badly. She wanted to run into his arms, bury her face in his chest and fall asleep. She wanted to wake up next to him, count each freckle in the golden light of dawn. She wanted it all, she wanted him. 

But she couldn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to track him down, drive across the miles and land at his doorstep. She couldn’t imagine facing him after so long away, couldn’t bear the thought that he’d cast her away like some old trinket destined for the bin. 

She couldn’t risk it. She was road-weary and drained to the point of constant pain. Every muscle ached; every bone felt hollow and brittle. She was exhausted in her soul. She was done. 

Late at night she would lie awake and stare at whatever ceiling was overhead replaying her life, her choices good and bad. 

Maybe things would be different if she had run away with him when they were kids. Maybe she should have crossed the little stream sooner, hidden with him in the tall grass until they could escape and disappear forever. Would life be so different? Would they be together? Alive? Would the world still be turning if not for the sacrifices he’d made?

What about the sacrifices she’d made? What about all the days she spent alone, holding herself as blood seeped through her fingers? All the times she dropped everything to be there for him, all the days she spent worrying, all the nights she spent giving him whatever he needed whenever he needed it. Would anyone even remember her when she was gone? Would he?

Fuck him. He ruined one of the most important moments in her life. He stole her chance to say goodbye. While she reeled from his kiss, tried to make sense of his affection, the only other man she had ever loved had died. 

He died and she wasn’t there. He died knowing she wasn’t around. 

Fuck him for that. Fuck him for sleepless nights on the phone calming him down, listening to every trial and tribulation of his life. Fuck him for miles spent rushing to his side to wrap her heart around his wounds, staunch the flow. 

Fuck him for every kiss. 

Fuck him for every touch. 

For every fucking moment. 

The boy with the green eyes. 

Roswell, New Mexico, 2015. 

A string of murders of suspicious nature led older residents to announce that the aliens had returned to take revenge on the naysayers and folks there only to make a buck on the sacred landing spot. 

Y/N hadn’t been able to resist such a ridiculous scene and spent a week there investigating. 

In the end, they were just regular old murders committed by a regular old crazy person. No demons, no ghosts, and certainly no aliens were to be found. 

With nowhere else to be, she hung around the desert for a few more days, enjoying the sun and the dry air. 

She almost didn’t answer the phone when it rang, but curiosity had brought her to New Mexico in the first place, so there was no reason to deny its hold. 

Luckily, it wasn’t him. 

It was Sam. 

“Well, if it isn’t baby boy Winchester.” She laid back on the hood of her car and kicked up a knee. 

“Hey, Y/N.” 

He sounded terrible. Lack of sleep or too much stress, she couldn’t tell. She didn’t know Sam as well. Hadn’t studied him as closely, hadn’t learned every tick of speech, the meaning behind every subtle sigh.

Still, he didn’t sound great. 

“What’s going on, Sam?” 

He hesitated, swallowed hard, shifted the phone to his other ear. “I hate to ask you, I know you’re… Well, you’ve got your own thing going on, but-” 

Her eyes closed, her stomach churned. 

“Is he OK?” She couldn’t stop the tremble in her voice and she hated it. 

Sam cleared his throat. “No. No, I don’t think so.” 

“Shit.” 

Last she’d heard through the grapevine, Dean had died, again, and come back as a demon. She didn’t get a call back then, so for Sam to ask for help now- it was bad.

“I think he’d, uh… really like to see you.” 

The eleven-hour drive seemed endless, but it gave her time to think. 

No matter what she did, he would always be a part of her. No matter how far she ran, tried to hide, he would always win out in the end. It was useless to fight it, stupid to even try. 

Sam had given her directions to their place and Y/N stood outside of what looked to be an industrial hobbit hole.  

She leaned on her car and stared at the hill. There was still time to turn tail and hit the highway. He’d never even know she had been there. 

She fiddled with the chain around her neck, sucked on the metal pendant. It was warmed from her body heat though she always believed it got hotter when he was close. 

“Damn it, Y/N/N, just go in…” She groaned and turned away, too scared to go inside. Scared or mad, she didn’t know which. 

Just as she put one foot in the car, the big doors opened and Sam appeared. 

He was tall and tired, with a shadow on his jaw and worry in his eyes. She wondered vaguely if she had ever seen Sam without that crease in his aura, if he’d ever been truly calm and happy. 

“You gonna come in or-”

She sighed and shut the door. “How’d you know I was here?” 

He shrugged and gave her a mischievous look. “I may have been tracking your phone.” 

“What! Sam…” 

He smiled and then pushed at the door, holding it open for her. 

“You coming?” 

“Well, it’d be stupid to run away now.” 

She followed him into the hobbit hole and through another, heavier door. The first room was basically a dark hallway, four steps down from the outer doors and a few paces to the next. The walls were old concrete and the light was dim. She held no hope for nicer things to come. 

She was very wrong. 

Her little gasp echoed when she walked through the second door. The cave-like entry gave way to an expansive room that took her breath away. A wrought iron balcony met intricate stairs that wound down forever. The room below was set up with a large, map-covered table that glowed, antique computers and machines that looked as if they were sourced from a 1950’s horror movie. 

Clasping the rail, Y/N leaned over a bit, trying to comprehend the size of everything but her head hurt. She looked back at Sam and shook her head, eyes wide with awe. 

“You live here?” 

Sam nodded and shrugged. He smiled at her wild wonder and stood beside her at the railing. “There’s more. It’s, uh- it’s a really big place.” 

“Tell me you have a bowling alley or an arcade hiding somewhere in here.” 

He laughed. “No, but we do have a tv. Well, I do. In my room.” 

Y/N whistled, mockingly impressed. “Wow. Real rockin’ bachelor pad, Sam.” 

He licked his lips and looked down at his hands. His knuckles were pale, fingers cold against the metal. “Yeah, well, we don’t get many visitors.” 

She covered his hand with hers and squeezed gently. “Wanna show me the rest?”

The Men of Letters Bunker was just as impressive as he made it sound. They toured the halls while Sam explained how they came to be there, speaking candidly about his grandfather’s reappearance and how strange it was to finally have a real place to call home. 

She listened to every word, now and then offering a kind word or an interested hum. Her mind was reeling at the enormity of the Bunker. She ran her fingers over the dips between the tiles on the walls, listened carefully to how Sam’s voice echoed off of the cathedral ceilings and back again. She counted their steps, tried to construct a map in her mind so that she could find her way back to the front door, but the path was full of turns and every corridor looked the same as the last. The numbers on the doors changed, however, but they weren’t in any order that she could define. 

They stopped in front of door number eleven, and Sam shoved his hands into his pockets. His gaze narrowed on the gap between the door and the jam. The light inside was on, but he knew Dean wasn’t there. 

“This is his room?” she asked, wanting to push her way inside but afraid to pry. 

Sam cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

She placed her hand on the door and closed her eyes. She wanted to go in and wait for him, be laid out on the bed like some porn star when he walked in, but she knew better. 

The kitchen was impressive in an old restaurant that had never been upgraded kinda way, but the pantry was pitiful. Thankfully, there were a few eggs in the fridge and a half of a loaf of white bread on the shelf. Sam left her to it and she got to work making an utter mess of the counter and stove. 

She didn’t expect him back soon and he hadn’t expected to see her at all. 

“Y/N?” 

Her entire being tensed when she heard his voice and she took a breath, closed her eyes, and turned around. Spatula dripping in her hand, she screwed up a smile. 

“Surprise.” 

Every emotion imaginable flowed over his freckled face and Y/N waited for him to process before saying another word. Green eyes worked her over, lingering on the smudge on her cheek and the mess on her shirt. 

Finally, he smiled. 

“Nice surprise.” 

Her body relaxed. “Is it?” 

“Of course.” 

Dean rushed forward, rounding the giant stainless steel island, and scooped her up into a hug. 

Relief trickled down her spine and she wrapped her arms around him, pushed her face into the crook of his neck. He smelled like whiskey and sleepless nights. 

“Fuck, I’ve missed you.” He whispered into her shoulder and held on a little tighter. 

He was big and strong, solid and safe. She melted into him; listened for the comforting, steady beat of his heart. 

The necklace burned into her chest and she smiled. 

After a minute, she pushed at his shoulders but he refused to let her go. 

“You’re gonna make me burn your toast!”

He stood up straight and held her arms. “Toast? You’re making a real big mess for toast.” 

She squirmed out of his grip and turned back to the stove. “It’s French.” 

They sat at the little table in the corner and drowned the snack in maple syrup and butter. 

Y/N couldn’t stop staring at him. His face was thin; his beard slowly sneaking out of captivity. His eyes were dark, lined with red, and he held himself differently, as if every second was painful, as if he was having trouble sitting still. 

He was staring just as hard, shocked that she was there after being gone for so long. 

“Your hair’s different,” he said around a mouthful of French toast.

She cocked her head and ran a hand through her locks. “I guess,” she laughed. “It’s been a while since I cut it. Probably should.” 

Dean shook his head gently. “Nah. I like it.” 

It wasn’t even really a compliment but she took it as one. Her stomach flipped and she hated herself for enjoying such a tiny amount of attention. She was older now, wiser, stronger. She didn’t need his approval or his affection. 

“Thanks.” 

“This is…nice. Thank you for cooking.” 

Y/N laughed and choked down a corner. “It’s terrible and you know it.”

Dean shrugged and took another forkful to his lips. “It ain’t that bad.” He shoveled it in and then cringed, plucked a crunchy bit from his tongue. “I… think there’s shell in this one.”

She grinned. “I’m surprised there’s not more, actually. You know I’m a shitty cook.”

He laughed. “Always have been.” 

“It’s kinda my thing.” 

A strange moment passed between them like an autumn breeze. The air was warm but the wind was too harsh, chilling their cheeks. Y/N looked away, crossing her arms and rubbing her hands up the sides. Dean swallowed and sat back; knife and fork in his fists beside the plate. 

“So, how ya been?” 

Y/N looked around, pretending to inspect the kitchen walls, but only trying to buy herself time to think up an answer. 

“Oh, you know me, Dean. Another day, another highway, another monster to kill.” 

He licked a drop of syrup from his lip. “Musta been busy.” 

She nodded. “Yeah, pretty busy.” 

“Too busy to answer a text? Pick up the phone now and then?” 

Her guts churned. “Dean, it’s not like that…” 

He slumped forward, set his forearms on the table. “Oh, it’s like that. You vanished, Y/N/N.” 

His tone was biting and she shivered. 

“Dean-” 

“You just took off. No goodbye, nothing.” 

Anger was brewing inside and her leg bounced uncontrollably under the table. “Dean.” 

“We burned him. Without you.”

Something inside of her shattered. The words cut through her like a scythe; his tone burned like salt in the sliced flesh. She clenched her jaw, closed her eyes, and tried to push it all aside. 

“You left,” he seethed, upper lip trembling and exposing his tiny canine teeth. She always thought they looked like fangs, always loved the way they scraped across her throat. “We burned him and you weren’t there. I- we needed you and you left. You ran away to God knows where and that was it. We needed you, Y/N. I… I needed you.” 

With fists balled, she stood up, spun away from the table. She bit her tongue so hard she was sure her mouth would fill with blood. 

Dean laughed sarcastically. “Yeah. Walk away again. That’s awesome.” 

Her spine twitched. Nails dug into her palms. 

She tasted blood. 

“So fucking good at walking away when people need you.” 

She snapped. 

“Excuse me?” 

Her spin around was so fast, her hands slammed onto the table so hard that Dean startled and dropped his utensils. Unconsciously, he sat back, putting as much distance between him and the lioness he’d just unleashed. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Her words curled but there was no question. She was giving him a speck of a chance to apologize before she truly exploded. “Well… are you?” 

Dean sucked his teeth, crossed his arms, sat forward. He met her gaze head on. His nostrils flared. 

“You left,” he said again, slowly, venomously. 

Y/N pulled in a deep breath but instead of calming her, it only added to the fire. “You didn’t ask me to stay, Dean.” 

He shook his head, confused. “Huh?” 

“You didn’t ask me to stay, Dean,” she said again, injecting as much slashing accusation into her voice as she could. “You never do. You expect me to show up whenever you want me, drop whatever I’m doing to come meet you somewhere so you can fuck your frustrations out on me then kick me out of bed in the morning. Do you know how many bruises I have from tripping over the curb when you drive away? How many nights I’ve stayed awake worrying about you? Praying for you? Not to mention all the nights I had to stay on the phone with you while you blubbered on about this and that, and your brother, and your angel, and your destiny. Do you know how much of my life I’ve spent waiting on a fucking phone call from you? How many days I’ve wasted just hoping you’d ask to see me? You can’t imagine it. You wouldn’t. Because you don’t care.” 

Anger and guilt flooded his face. He swung his legs around from under the table and stood up, towering over her with a puffed chest and searing eyes. 

“You think I don’t care about you?” He hunched his shoulders, leaning down to let it all sink in. “Is that really what you think?” 

She took a step closer. She wouldn’t back down no matter his size or the angry fire pulsing off of him. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. 

“Yeah, Dean,” she said sharply. “It is. Because it’s fucking true. You don’t give a shit about me, you never have. I’m just a goddamned Band-Aid for you. Something you put on when you’ve got a booboo and then rip off and toss away. And the one time I needed you. The one fucking time…” 

Dean was seeing red; his blood was boiling and brightening his pallid face. 

“When? When the fuck did you need me so badly!” 

She grit her teeth, showed her fangs for once. “He was my father, Dean.” 

He scoffed. “No. He wasn’t.” 

“Fuck you for saying that! He was my father the same as, if not more so than he was yours and he died while I was in the dark wondering how I could help you. You! You fucked me up in that hospital room and then you left me alone to deal with it. And he died while I was in there! He died and I wasn’t there because I was dealing with you!” 

Dean straightened, but he didn’t move to speak. He only absorbed her ire and let it burn inside of him. 

“Always dealing with you! My whole goddamned life revolves around Dean Winchester! And you know what I got for all the care and time and worry I poured into you? Nothing. I get fucking nothing. I have never been so lost as when he died and you… You didn’t ask me to stay. Didn’t… didn’t check on me. The only calls I got were from you begging me to help with Sam and to meet you in Oswego for a fucking booty call. That’s all I am to you. I’m your fucking whore.”

He huffed, chewed his lip. “That is not true!”

She wouldn’t stop, couldn’t. The simple act of raising her voice, of confronting him after everything had opened a tap that she couldn’t close. 

“And you spent a whole goddamned fucking year with her. A year! I didn’t even know if you were alive, dead, nothing. You promised to call me. You swore. And nothing. You went to her. You- did you even think of me? Did you even think, ‘oh, maybe I’ll go be with Y/N for a while’? Well? Did you?” 

His eyes closed. “No, Y/N. I didn’t.” 

“I have given you years of my life and you’ve just… Fuck, I don’t even know if you take me for granted or if you don’t even notice if I’m around or not. I honestly don’t know.”

She turned away, exhausted and aching. 

She couldn’t see the way he rubbed at the curse on his arm, didn’t notice the rage glowing in his eyes. She didn’t feel the danger because she never felt it around him. She could scream all she wanted, but she knew Dean wouldn’t hurt her. 

“If you hate me so goddamn much, why are you even here? Huh? What, did Sammy call you? Tell you I wasn’t doin’ so well?” 

Each word snapped at her like kitchen shears and Y/N spun back around. 

“Fuck you, Dean.” 

As tears fell, she raised her right hand, ready to slap him hard; show him she wasn’t fooling around. 

The Mark swelled on his arm and shot demonic power into his veins. 

Dean grabbed her wrist before she made contact with his cheek and took two steps forward, forcing her backwards into the wall. He slammed her hand onto the plaster and followed suit with her left hand. She gasped, scared but daring him, and he sneered down at her. 

“Don’t. Fucking. Ever. Hit me.”  

The Mark glowed beside her head and she looked from it to him, stuck and devastated. 

“Do you hear me!” 

Strength pulsed through him and Dean lifted her away from the wall only to crush her back into it. 

Her eyes blurred, her head ached; her ears rang. 

“Dean-” 

“You think you know anything about me? You don’t know what I’ve been through! You haven’t been around!” 

His grip tightened on her wrists and she felt the bone in the right twist. 

“Dean! You’re hurting me!”

It seemed he couldn’t stop, wouldn’t let the anger dim. His breath came out in heavy pants through tight lips and clenched teeth; his eyes were like lasers targeting her arteries and setting him up for the kill. 

“Dean!” 

Another tear trekked down her cheek and it caught his attention. 

Dean blinked quickly, clearing his head, and then backed away. He dropped her hands and covered his face, turned his back on her. 

Y/N couldn’t move. 

Silence filled the room and their heads. Guilt ravaged their bodies. 

Her knees gave out and she slid down the wall, slumped to the floor. 

When she could finally speak, her voice was small and pathetic and she hated herself even more. 

“I… I’m sorry, Dean.” 

Calmer now, Dean turned to find her in a heap on the floor and sank down as well. “Don’t be sorry, Y/N/N. I… fuck. Did I hurt you?” 

She shook her head and sat up straight, kicked her knees up to her chest. 

He crawled to her, tried to lay a hand on her knee, but she flinched away. 

“Shit,” he hissed. “I’m so sorry.” 

Y/N let out a hard breath and let her shoulders fall. She trusted him. She didn’t trust that thing on his arm. 

She nodded toward it. “Is it really bad?” 

He rolled up his sleeve and showed off his brand. Curious and horrified, she unfurled herself and leaned in, running a careful finger across the Mark. The flesh was hot, the skin raised and rough. She covered it with her hand and looked up into his face. 

“I can’t take it much more,” he whispered. “It’s gonna take over and I don’t wanna go back there.” 

Her heart hurt. “You don’t have to let it take you. You’re strong. You’re so fucking strong, Dean. So brave. So good.” 

He smiled softly and bent over; kissed her hand. 

“I’m so sorry I hurt you.” 

She sniffed back the tears and reached for him. 

“I coulda just kept my mouth shut,” she confessed. 

Dean lay his head on her shoulder and tugged her close. “No. You shouldn’t have to. I’ll be better, I promise.” 

“You don’t have to be better, Dean.” She turned inwards and pressed her lips to his ear. “You just have to be you.” 

His arms closed a little tighter, he breathed a little slower. 

“I really don’t deserve you, you know that?” 

She sighed and rubbed at the nape of his neck. 

“Shut up, Dean.” 

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[shes4twnksinatrnchct]

Hell of a Show

Jake Kiszka x fem oc

Fifteen years after resigning from Greta Van Fleet, for reasons undisclosed to the public, Coley Payne is asked by her former band members to tell her side of the story.

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, explicit sexual situations, SMUT: fingering, oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex (p. in v.), dirty talk, overstimulation, explicit language, angst, first love, fluff

Words: 6.3k

Please keep in mind this is a work of fiction and enjoy!

***LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED***

***Table of Contents***

The Beginning: Part VII

JOSH: People have always pinned us as a curious case of pure luck to be signed to such a successful label so early on in our career, discovered what seems to be “overnight”, and be able to maintain practically all control of our image, schedule, creative decisions, etc. 

But it’s all one snowball effect, to put it simply. 

The web of such fortune began its weave in 2015, after our last show of the year, and stumbled across Al Sutton…well, he stumbled across us, actually.

2015

 The tables of the run-down diner are slightly sticky, the air filled with the smell of fried meat and waffle batter, all topped with coffee and the lingering scent of cigarette smoke. 

“...We stopped to eat and then we’ll be on our way home.” Coley says to her dad, pressing her phone to her ear while Julianne rests her cheek against Danny’s arm, closing her exhausted eyes while Sammy pulls yet another piece off of his straw wrapper to ball it up and throw it at her—hitting her in the forehead. 

“Stop, Sammy.” Jules grumbles. 

“Who’s driving?” Her dad inquires.

“Danny or Sammy, probably.” She assures him, knowing that if Josh or Jake do so, he won’t go to bed until she gets home in one piece. 

“The responsible ones.” Sammy announces, leaning closer to her, only for her to push him away while he chuckles. 

“I’ll text you when we leave, and get to their house, and then when me and Jules start home.” Coley states, next.

“Yeah, please do or your mom will call Trace again.” He pleads, not wanting to have his daughter hunted down again by her cop brother-in-law, only to discover she’d been riding around backroads with her boyfriend.

“I will, dad, I promise. I love you.” She yawns.

“I love you, too. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” She hangs up and glances out the window at her boyfriend, his brother, and her best friend all smoking whilst freezing their asses off. “Danny, you’re driving us back to their house,” She announces, next. “My parents don’t trust Ricky Bobby and Cal Naughton Jr. out there, behind the wheel with their precious cargo in tow.” 

“I can’t say I blame him after you guys’ prom night.” Sammy scoffs. “Right, Danny?” 

Danny doesn’t realize Sam’s talking to him, too distracted watching the older man who’s sitting at the counter—constantly looking over his shoulder at Coley. 

“Oh, my gosh, it was an accident.”  She complains, rolling her eyes. “We didn’t see those people coming—it was raining. Honest mistake.” Coley carries on, glancing down at the menu while Sammy notices Daniel staring at the stranger, and follows his line of sight. 

“You know him or something?” Sam inquires to him, catching Coley’s attention. 

She turns to glance in the direction their attention is in, and Danny averts his gaze before the man can look at them again. 

“He just keeps looking at Coley.” He shrugs. “Kinda weird.”

Furrowing her brows, Coley looks toward the counter and waits for him to look again, while her boyfriend, his twin brother, and her best friend step back inside and squeeze into the corner booth with them. 

Jake’s kissing his girlfriend’s cheek as he sits next to her, while Bellamy says, “I can’t go with you guys to Tennessee, Coley, I’ve gotta take your shifts, remember?” 

She realizes Coley’s not even paying attention to her. 

“Coley, I’m pregnant.” She states, next, in an attempt to break her concentration on whoever she’s got her eyes on.

Josh whistles and waves his hand in front of Coley’s face, taking notice that Sam and Danny are also distracted.  

“B, do we know that guy?” Coley ignores her statement and swats Josh’s hand from her face. 

“What guy?” The brunette asks. 

“The one at the counter. Kinda grey hair.” Danny says to her. 

“Gee, Danny, that’s only half the guys up there.” Jake scoffs before furrowing his brows. “…Where would you know him from, anyway?” He adds to his girlfriend, nudging her side. 

Again, the man glances at the table of teens and Bellamy confirms with a, “Oh, yeah,” that she and Coley do know that guy. 

“He comes in sometimes with his girlfriend or wife or something?” Coley asks, next, trying to see if it’s the same man she’s thinking of that seems familiar. 

“Yeah. Always leaves a fifty.” Bella nods. 

“Yeah!” Coley pipes, a little too enthusiastically for Jake’s liking. 

“Oh, my gosh, you should totally go say, ‘hey’.” He mimics hers and Bellamy's voices. 

“Aww, Jakey, you’re jealous of the random middle aged man getting to see your girlfriend half-naked more than you do?” His girlfriend's friend shoots at him with a pout and he offers her his middle finger. “C'mon, Jake, she fetches him beer and he leaves some money. It’s not like he’s bending her like a balloon animal—”

“—Ugghhh, little ears.” Julianne gripes, plugging her own ears as the topic shifts to her older sister in sexual positions while Danny and Sammy wrinkle their noses.

“I’m just saying.” Bellamy states. 

“How does one get bent like a balloon animal?“ Josh asks, sarcastically. 

“I can show you when we leave here.” Bella jokes. 

“He’d have a fucking heart attack.” Jake laughs at the thought of nearly 5’10” Bellamy getting her hands on his twin brother, who she has to stare down at when they have a conversation standing up. 

“No, you wouldn’t make it, honey.” Coley adds, patting Josh’s leg. “I don’t think any of us would make it. She’s too powerful.”

Josh scrunches his face, about to avidly argue, but then decides perhaps they’re right.

“…Eh, there’s worse ways to go.” He shrugs, before playfully adding to Bellamy, “We’ll talk later,” with a small wink and a nod. 

Once they get their food and finish eating, the waitress comes by to take away some of their emptied plates, and offers, “Can I get you guys anything else?” 

“No, thank you, just the bill.” Bellamy requests, only for the waitress to raise her brows. 

“Oh, it’s been taken care of.” She informs them with the wave of her hand. 

“What?” They all ask. 

“Yeah, the older gentleman at the counter paid it.” She explains with a nod before stepping back to the kitchen with the plates. 

“Our boyfriend came through for us again.” Bellamy sighs in reference to her and Coley, solely to aggravate Jake. 

“Will you stop?” Coley scolds her with a laugh as they get up from the table and head back to the car. 

They’re unaware of the stranger waiting for them outside, climbing out of his car when he sees the group leaving the dinner…

“…Hey, I enjoyed the show tonight.” He says to them, a genuine smile on his face despite their uneasy expressions of having a random man come up to them. 

“Thanks. Thank you. It’s appreciated—we’re appreciative.” Josh stammers out while subtly pushing the girls further to the car. 

“You guys ever consider getting in a studio?” He offers, next, and Coley stalls her steps with Jules and Bellamy both stopping with her. 

“Um…we have but don’t really have the money for one right now.” Jake starts. 

The man nods and reaches in his pocket, pulling out a card and hands it over to Jake. 

“You’ve got one, now. Free of charge—on the front end, at least. You can pay me back when you get filthy rich.” He assures them. “If you’re interested, that is.” 

They all glance at the card that reads, “Al Sutton, Rustbelt Studios” with his information and studio address on it.

DANNY: Once he started explaining artists he’d worked with, was currently working with, and had scheduled to work with, we felt like we were staring at a Golden Ticket.

“…So, this strange man just approaches you guys and handed you his card and you immediately trust that he’s got this studio?” Tammy asks Coley later on that evening while finishing up rubbing her face moisturizer into her skin. 

“Mom, he’s worked with Kid Rock, and Cheryl Crow, and—and Dennis Coffey—”

“—Do you even know who Dennis Coffey is?” Tammy sighs out, raising her brows. 

“…I didn’t until Jake told me, but he  sounded serious enough about it. And we looked him up on the way home and he’s telling the truth! He owns the studio, and he offered for us to record there.”

“For free?”

“Yeah. Well, until we make some money and pay him back.” Coley corrects herself, and her mother leans against her bathroom counter and crosses her arms. 

“You hearing this, Cole?!” She calls out to the bedroom. 

“Yep.” Her dad retorts, and she blinks at her daughter. 

“He sounds just as convinced as I am.” Tammy breathes out.

“Mom, it’s a legitimate deal.” Coley insists. “I got a picture of the card—and you and Ms. Karen and Ms. Lori can call him yourselves Monday morning.” 

Tammy takes in a breath and reaches for her toothbrush before asking, “Do you know what else is a legitimate deal?” 

“If you say anything going back to school, I’m going to scream.” Coley says, growing irritated, and Tammy looks at her in the mirror, dotting toothpaste on her toothbrush. 

“Coley, you guys are practically twenty years old and neither of you are interested in a safety-net—I mean, even doing what Josh is doing is a pretty good idea.”

“Josh’s ‘back-up plan’ that he’s going to school for is literally something almost as unattainable as making it in a band, Mom!” Coley argues. 

Tammy huffs out, beginning to scrub at her teeth, not bothering with going back and forth about it any more. 

“…I’m going to bed.” Stone blue eyes roll into her head when she says it with a sigh and walks to the door. 

“I love you!” Tammy calls as best as she can with a toothbrush in her mouth. 

Ignoring her, Coley walks through their bedroom. 

“Goodnight, June-Bug.” He replies to her, and she closes their door behind her and walks downstairs to go to her bedroom. 

Jake hears her come down the stairs, her steps padding across the floor when she walks to the front door to make sure it’s locked. 

He scrolls through his phone as he waits on her, having been instructed not to make a sound once he snuck inside…

There’s an excited pep in Coley’s step as she moves through the kitchen and back to her room, knowing that her boyfriend is waiting on her. 

When she arrives, she giggles, shutting and locking the door behind her while he discards his phone and gets off of her bed with a smirk of his own. 

She doesn’t have time to move from the door before her back is pressed to it, Jake’s lips catching hers before giving way to tongue. 

He beams down at her once he stops for a split second to excitedly state, “Al fucking Sutton knows who we are.”

Coley’s smile is as warm as his, her fingers bury in his soft hair, a quiet hum leaving her when he kisses her, again.  

“What’d your mom say?” She asks, gasping in a breath when his lips move to her cheek, then her jaw, down her neck…

“They’re gonna call him Monday.” He spits it out, going back to her lips, sliding a hand down to her ass. 

“I meant about you leaving again to come here,” She corrects herself, speaking against his lips before he’s trying to kiss her again. “Jake?” 

He’s too excited, perhaps, his heart still hammering in his chest from the adrenaline of meeting Al Sutton and being offered studio time. 

It feels like one step closer to where they want to go, as if the stars are beginning to fall in line little by little. 

“I got a shower and they’d already gone to bed when I got out.” He simply shrugs and her eyes go wide. 

“Your parents don’t even know you left?” She scolds him. 

“Your parents don’t know you’re hiding me in here, so.” Jake reminds her, leaning down once again. 

She welcomes his lips. 

“What’d your mom say about the Al thing?” He asks after taking the opportunity of catching his breath. 

She doesn’t want to piss on his parade and tell him that she immediately shifted the conversation to Coley going back to college, instead, so she merely says, “She’s gonna look into it.” 

A wide smile slowly pulls at his lips, his nose sweetly brushing against hers before she struggles to swallow the lump of nerves forming in her throat. 

“I need to get a shower.” She whispers, to him, next. “I’ll make it quick, though. Promise.” She pecks his lips and he lets her go, his hand smacking at her ass when she walks to her bathroom—not bothering with grabbing clothes to change into because there’s really no point when he’s already seen her naked. 

She scrubs the smell of smoke and sweat from her skin and hair, and when she’s finished and wrapped in a towel, staring at herself in the mirror, she feels as if her heart is going to explode. 

Coley can’t help but wonder if he knows what she’s about to prompt, or if he even cares, really—if it’s even a big deal to him.

The last time she’d gone so far with someone, it was on a whim and made her feel gross afterward…she doesn’t necessarily want to know when the last time Jake had done it. 

He’s made himself comfortable—she can hear the T.V. turned on in her room—and she chuckles to herself at the thought of him turning down the idea of finally having sex with her, just to watch someone bake some apples.  

She finishes squeezing the excess water from her dark blonde hair before wrapping her hair up in its own designated towel, taking in a final deep breath and opening the door.

He’s too distracted by the woman in the on-screen kitchen, to say the least, to notice his girlfriend’s only in a towel—not even fully realizing she’s out of the bathroom until she’s climbing on the bed. 

“What’re you doing?” He asks, chuckling in a giddy manner when she straddles him and settles in his lap, trying not to move too much despite the temptation of his jeans along her bare skin. 

“Whatever you want.” She replies, fingertips grazing his cheek as his brown eyes stare into hers.

Whatever you want. 

Typically when she says something along the same lines, it’s slyly spoken from her lips with a teasing glint in her eye…this time it’s whispered out with a serious undertone that has his thick eyebrows knitting together.

“Well…what do you want?” He inquires in the same manner. 

“Just you.” She replies quietly with a small shake of her head, leaning forward to kiss him.

It’s gentle but brief, his hands pulling her mouth from his so he can remind her, “You know you’ve already got me without having to do this, right?” 

His hands run down her bare arms for emphasis, certainly not complaining that the only thing between him and the girl he’s fucking obsessed with is a thin towel, but also not pressing the matter too much because she could be a nun and he’d love her all the same. 

She’s had him, no matter what, ever since they first officially met. 

Coley nods in understanding of his words, knowing that sex isn’t going to make him care about her any more or any less than he already does, her lashes brushing against her cheek as she glimpses down at his lips for only a second before meeting his eyes once more.

Their mouths and tongues follow soon after, his hands falling from her face to her hips as a low groan leaves his throat with the grind of her against him. 

“…Are you on anything?” He struggles to get it out as she tugs at his shirt, truthfully not even fully hearing him before she’s finding his lips again. “Coley.” He says, next, getting her attention when he finally angles his head back away from her. 

“Hmm?” She hums, wrapping her arms around his neck, her chest pressing against his as she places a single, open-mouth kiss to his lips. 

“Birth control?” He repeats it, his adam’s apple bobbing with the nervous swallow that follows it. 

“Not yet.” Coley informs him. “I haven’t really needed it.”

Before she can distract him further, he grabs at her shoulders and gently pushes her back, her back meeting the mattress, her hair splaying over the foot of the bed while he shifts to his knees. 

“What about condoms?” Jake asks, next, fumbling with the button of his jeans. 

She shakes her head, feeling her face heat up at the realization that she isn’t prepared for this at all, fearing that he’s going to decide against it overall. 

“We need something, baby.” He tells her, chuckling nervously, as he moves from the bed to stand—nearly pacing as his mind starts to race with nightmare scenarios…

“…Just…pull out.” She suggests, sitting up on her knees, facing him, and he raises his brows and stops

“Pull out?” 

“Yeah. I mean, that’s what you did with the other girls, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah, but…I don’t know it just seems pretty fucking stupid to do, now. If something happens the whole band is screwed.” He explains to her. 

“Nothing’s gonna happen—”

“—Coley, your mom gets pregnant anytime your dad looks at her. Sherri got pregnant the first time her and Trace ever did anything. You’re all a bunch of fertile Myrtles.” 

“Nothing will happen, Jake.” She sighs out, finally pulling the towel from around her and tossing it to the floor, revealing her bare skin underneath. 

He lets a curse slip from his lips at the sight of her crawling to the edge of the bed toward him, grabbing at his hand and standing on her knees to pull him closer to her. 

Jake appeases her, his hands roaming her soft flesh before his lips meld to hers once more. 

When she palms at him through his pants, he digs his finger tips into her, and by the time she’s slipping her hand past his waistband, grabbing his length and working at him, he’s having to break from their kiss to heave in a breath—his forehead falling against hers. 

“Fuck, Coley,” He whispers out, the sound of his voice striking her between her thighs. 

Her mouth starts watering at the feeling of pre-cum leaking from him, tempting her to get on her knees at his feet. 

His head tips back while her tongue dances along his throat, her touch hypnotic as she flicks her thumb across his thick tip. 

This isn’t new territory—the two of them becoming well acquainted with each other's hands and mouths a few months into their relationship. 

They’ve just never gotten into the actual physical act—only the foreplay of it. 

Coley’s pulling her hand from him, bringing it to her lips, and he buzzes with excitement when her pink tongue darts out to lick the drops of him from her palm and fingers. 

It’s a raunchy scene compared to the sweet giggle that leaves her when he grabs at her face, bringing her mouth to his because he can’t help but want to kiss her. 

Her back’s soon colliding with the mattress while he tugs a nipple between his teeth, earning a sharp-breathed moan that he silences with his palm. 

“You're gonna have to be quiet, baby, your dad has a fucking gun.” He reminds her, raising his brows. 

Just what he needs with her mom already not a fan of them dating, is for them to realize Jake’s not only to blame for her not going back to college, but also for waking them up in the middle of the night to the sound of their daughter getting screwed. 

She only nods quickly, not minding the pressure of his hand over her mouth as he continues his torture of her chest before licking his tongue down her stomach. 

He takes his hand from her mouth but points a finger as he warns in a hushed tone, “Quiet.”

“I promise, baby.” She swears, her lungs constricting when he places a kiss to the inside of her thighs, then traces along where her thighs meet her pelvis with his tongue…

She’s nearly pitching a fit when he deliberately kisses everywhere except where she needs him the most, Jake smirking into her skin as she attempts to shift her hips to get him to finally pay attention to her painfully wet pussy. 

“Jake.” She pleads when he pulls away from her to kiss her cheek softly…and gasps, “Ohh,” abruptly when his middle finger slides into her. 

Again, his free hand hushes her, his eyes studying her scrunched expression, blonde brows furrowing as she arches underneath him. 

“Coley.” He rasps back to her, his lips lingering just over the back of his own hand. 

Another finger is added, Coley’s nails digging into the covers at her sides while she closes her eyes—her somewhat mouthy whimpers turning into heavy pants, and he uncovers her mouth to kiss her, her hands taking in every inch of his skin that they can, her legs widening all the more to accommodate the mess he’s making of her. 

“It’s fucking heaven.” He breathes out to her, the two fingers inside of her pressing against her tight walls, his cock throbbing with the mental image of being burried to the hilt in her. 

Her mouth falls open at the sensation, while the sound of him toying with her has them both reeling. 

Jake can’t take it anymore, not with her instinctively squeezing at his fingers like she’s trying to milk them, practically pouring out into his hand. 

He pecks her lips before finally joining his mouth with his fingers, his lips and tongue greedily sucking at her clit. 

Her hands fall to his head, her throat growing dry with the moans she wants so badly wail out but instead settles for breathing like a bitch in heat. 

“Jake,” It’s finally whispered out at last after moments, her head lifting to watch him devour her, being robbed of her breath at the sight of his tongue lapping from her. 

She’s nearly crying because of the shocks of pure electricity that feel as though its sparking her more and more intensely, her hands starting to push at his head whilst attempting to bring her thighs together. 

Even in the middle of trying to free herself of the all-consuming pleasure, she can’t help but start, “You’re always—ahh—” It’s squeaked out, two of his fingers once more delving into her. 

“I’m always what?” He inquires, pulling his mouth from her, her legs immediately shutting around his hand as she arches off the bed, gasping while he adds, “Hmm?” 

“So sweet to me.” She finally gets it out, her vision growing blurry as he curls his fingers deep in her slick cunt repeatedly.  

“It’s only what you deserve, baby, for being so good to me,” Jake tells her, the thumb of his other hand running across the swollen tip of his cock as he watches her unravel before him, practically a melted mess in his hand. 

He pulls his fingers from her, sucking them clean himself. 

Her taste is addictive, motivating his sinful actions more, and she’s soon trying to roll over to get away from the overwhelming pleasure of his mouth once more seeking her out despite her being overstimulated. 

She manages to get to her stomach, only because Jake finds it amusing, standing to his feet and grabbing himself to try to soothe his own writhe-inducing discomfort as he looks down at his tired, naked girlfriend. 

Her reprieve is short lived when he grabs at her legs and yanks her to the edge of the bed, her toes reaching the rug under their feet while she’s bent over the mattress. 

“It’s too much, please, baby, I just need a second.” She pleads innocently, sighing out in comfort at the feeling of him hovering over her before he’s placing a kiss to her hair, her shoulder, her cheek…

His lips graze the shell of her ear as he says, “I’m trying to make sure I fit easy enough not to hurt you.”

She relents with a nod and hoarse, “O-Okay,” before he pushes her hair from her shoulders to kiss at the top of her spine, leaving a wake up sloppy kisses that pull a relaxed hum from his girlfriend, stopping in the center of the two dimples at the base of her back. 

It’s now that he drops to his knees, Coley instinctively getting on the tips of her toes to angle just right. 

A look of pure admiration falls on his face as he stares at the swollen juncture of her soaked thighs.

His fingertips run along the warmth of her flesh, causing her to tense and move with him. 

She’s smothering her face into the mattress when he picks up where he left off, his tongue spoiling her swollen, sensitive clit. 

Jake has to hold her thighs still to keep her from trying to get away again, running his palm up the soft skin of her ass before lifting his hand and bringing it down. 

She cries out into the mattress while he licks up more of her impending spend, the hot sting of her skin being soothed over by that same hand while he’s pulling her closer, shaking his head just slightly as he drinks her in…

She can no longer stifle the ecstasy that rocks through her with a white hot heat—her second release vengeful and draining. 

“Jake, Jake, I’m—” Her hand tries to swat his head away from her but he grabs her hand and holds it to her side, “—ohh, fuck, Jake,” it strangled and whiney, her legs shaking as her back curves down, her eyes roll, and her mouth falls open. 

In the haze of her orgasm, she’s rolled to her back, her boyfriend standing over her as she catches her breath. 

She remembers why they’re doing this again, licking her lips when she watches him stroke himself as he looks down at her. 

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” He asks her, again, and she nods, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth before hauling herself farther up her bed. 

He follows suit, climbing on top of her as she allows him to move her to accommodate his position, her thighs spreading while he holds his weight on his forearm beside her head, his other hand around his prick as he slides the head of it through her slick folds. 

Her eyes flutter at the feeling, her nails digging into his shoulder. 

“You’re sure?” Jake can hear his heart in his ears, feeling as though the moment is going to disappear before his very eyes. 

“Are you sure?” Coley asks him, starting to believe that maybe he isn’t ready to do this with her just yet. 

He stops teasing her as he looks into her eyes. 

“I just don’t wanna hurt you.” He breathes out, admitting it honestly. 

“I’ve done this before, Jake.”

“Yeah, once.” He replies. “And from what I’ve gathered it wasn’t that good of a time for you so…I just don’t want this to be bad.”

Coley holds his face in her hands, craning her neck to press her lips to his. 

“It’s already a million times better because I’m with you this time.” She promises. 

He grins toothily before leaning down to catch her lips. 

The slow, sweet exchange turns more desperate when he starts prodding at her entrance again, her soaked cunt stretching as he presses the head of his cock into her. 

A low groan leaves him and she winces, pulling back from his mouth to sharply intake a breath. 

“Are you okay?” He whispers, trying his hardest not to finish with how tightly she’s squeezing him—and he’s not even fully inside of her just yet. 

“It hurts a little.” She gasps out, her breath stifled by her nervous heartbeat. 

“Do you want me to stop?” He asks and she shakes her head quickly. 

“No—it’s not bad it’s just…” She takes in a breath as he eases a little bit more into her. “…Big.” Is all she can conclude with. “Are you okay?” She asks him, next, seeing the struggling expression on his handsome face. 

“Mhmm.” He lies, dreadfully imagining the least attractive things he can think of at the moment to calm himself down.  

“I’m trying to relax.” She assures him, not knowing what else to do to make it a little easier. 

“No, you’re relaxed enough I’m just gonna have to…get you used to it.” Jake furrows his brows as he presses into her with a little more force, causing the both of them to sound of pleasure when he bottoms out inside of her. 

She feels beyond full, knowing there’s an extra inch of him that doesn’t even fit inside of her, and he’s damn-near shaking from the feeling of her vice grip, the wet, hot walls of her pussy cinching tighter around him when he slowly pulls out of her. 

The drag of his cock head inside of her has her making a sound he hasn’t quite heard from her. 

“Does that feel good?” He inquires huskily. 

She can only nod, feeling unable to speak or think at the moment. 

“What about this?” Jake asks, delving back into her a little faster. 

“Mhmm.” She chokes out, her hips beginning to meet his with enthusiasm, chasing away the initial pinch of discomfort. 

“There you go.” He encourages her, planting a single kiss to her chin before shifting to his knees, looking down. 

He stares at where they’re connected, seeing her split open on him, her pretty pussy filled to the brim, leaking down his cock. 

“Fuck, I wish I could take a picture.” He mutters, holding her hips and pulling out of her, only to go back in to see her stretch around him. “Look,” He tells her, next, and she props herself up, chest heaving as she watches the same thing he does, mewling at the sight of him disappear into her, feeling his head against her cervix before he’s pulling out again. “Gimme your hand, baby, I want you to feel it,” He tells her and she doesn’t even argue, offering him her soft palm. 

He places it between her stomach and pelvis, pressing his over the back of hers, and once more fucks into her slowly. 

Jake curiously gauges her reaction, her mouth falling open from the pressure combined with the already overwhelming feeling of him completely claiming her. 

Blue eyes look at him as if she’s drunk. 

“I love you,” She tells him, tears breaking over her lashes. 

“Not as much as I love you.” He promises, her knees pulling upward and her toes curling when he takes advantage of her parted lips, licking at her tongue before picking up his pace little by little, his thrusts growing rougher until Coley’s legs and arms are wrapping around him, the two of them lost in each other’s bodies, muffling one another with each other’s mouths that move together just as fervent. 

A ring of her gathered arousal lines the base of his cock, and he’s taking a moment to swipe at it with his fingers before offering them to her. 

She’s sucking his digits into her mouth, savoring the taste of them mixed together, and he keeps his fingers there to gag her when she starts carrying on without a care of being heard at this point. 

If they get murdered by her parents, it’s well worth it. 

“Quiet, remember?” He asks. “Fuck, you’re so goddamn tight.” 

He adjusts his angle, aiming for the spot that only his fingers were able to unveil to her even existed, and when she snaps her already teary eyes to look up at him in a daze, he knows he’s struck gold. 

“Is that it, baby?” He asks her. “Hmm? Is that what’s gonna do it again?”  

He continues to push into her and she squirms underneath him, confirming to him all he needs to know. 

Jake doesn’t let her get away, outright bullying her walls, holding her hips, forcing her to speak. 

“Jake, it’s so—fuck, I’m…” She can’t put it into words, the knot forming once more in her core beginning to untangle itself as she gasps for breath. 

“Let it go, baby, c’mon,” He snaps into her harder, burying his face in her neck to pepper kisses along her sweat-slickened skin. 

“Ahh!” She’s somewhat silenced by his mouth, her nails clawing down his back as she bites into his bottom lip, heat prickling across her skin while her head swims and her cunt spasms around him. 

She turns from him to try to capture another breath, his lips sweetly pressing along the stream of water rolling from her eye, his hands running through her hair that’s splayed across the mattress around her head.  

“You’re so pretty.” He whispers in her ear, her angelic face twisted so delicately, her lips parting to let her pant, her hips desperately meeting his despite her exhaustion from her second orgasm, and she sighs out from his praise. “You’re doing so good, baby, it feels so good. You’re taking it so fucking good.” 

“I wanna take more.” She pleads, her legs opening wider for him. 

“I don’t wanna hurt you—I think that’s—ah, shit, Coley.” He hisses when she squeezes around him on purpose. 

“Please, baby, I wanna feel all of it.” 

“Yeah?”

She nods, his forehead resting against hers as he pushes into her again, this time continuing to press into her when the tip of his prick finds her cervix. 

His palm has to cover her mouth when she moans wantonly at the painful rapture rooting itself inside of her, her soft legs snaking around him to keep him there…

Pulling out of her again, he slowly repeats it, grabbing her hand and lacing his fingers through hers, pinning it to the mattress before replacing the hand on her mouth with his lips. 

He can feel himself on the brink of his end, and it’s only spurred on by the sound of her sultry moans muffled by their kiss. 

That, mixed with the lewd sounds of him fucking into her, along with the the blindingly perfect way her hot, soaked pussy continues to cinch and relax around him rhythmically, has him almost missing his time. 

“Fuck,” He huffs, quickly pulling out of her to jerk himself off through his orgasm, his cum spreading across her stomach as she pants, the two of them shining with sweat and struggling to breathe as he kisses her chest, then her lips, sharing a lazy, tired and short lived exchange of tongue before he falls next to her. 

They lay there in silence for several minutes, worn out…

He finally leans over to her, nestling the tip of his nose along hers—eliciting a giggle from her—before stealing another kiss and stepping to her bathroom to grab a rag to clean her off. 

While he’s doing that, adrenaline is pumping through her, her eyes staring up at the collage on her ceiling of them together through the years. 

Perhaps it’s the fact she’s already had an exciting night after now knowing an established producer is a fan of theirs and is extending an opportunity to them…and now all of this is only heaping more emotion onto that, but her lip is quivering and tears are rolling down her face again by the time Jake returns. 

He’s quickly but gently wiping her off and discarding the wash cloth, pulling her sheet over her to cover her up as she wipes at her eyes. 

“…What’s going on, Coley?” He finally asks, softly, when he gets back beside her in the bed, gladly accepting her when she shuffles closer and wraps her arm around his waist and rests her cheek against his chest. “Did I hurt you?”

“No.” She promises, shaking her head. “I just…I don’t know. Things just feel different.”

“Different?” He asks, trying not to sound worried or afraid, and she picks her head up and looks at him. 

“A good different.” Coley explains, his thumb coming up to wipe under her eye. 

He knows what she’s trying to say, struggling to explain in-depth how palpable it all feels now that they’ve shared every piece of each other.

“I love you.” He says, smiling at her while running his fingers up and down her back as the beat of his heart under her palm soothes her, his eyes widening as he takes a moment to randomly repeat to her, “Al fucking Sutton knows who we are.”

JAKE: Mom, Lori, and Tammy met that Monday and gave Al a call. That’s when we officially scheduled our time in the studio and the production of our first EP. 

Coley’s eyes crinkle up with her grin, her lips pecking his chest, before she’s leaning up, kissing his jaw, stating, “Yes, he does,” before and finally kissing his lips. 

His hand grabs at her thigh to pull her to straddle him—igniting another laugh from her while he nips at her shoulder. 

COLEY: That night kinda started the pattern that formed an inside joke between all of us…while something big is happening for us professionally, something big is happening for us, personally, too…I think that was one of the only times—for me, at least—that what was happening professionally wasn’t a complete contradiction to what was happening personally. I could be happy that Al Sutton knew who we were, and also be happy that me and Jake had taken another step in our relationship. 

There was no having to fight through grief to try to be excited about a new opportunity, or accomplishment in our career. 

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TAG LIST: @takenbythemadness , @edgingthedarkness , @zooweemama555 , @fleetingjake , @lizzys-sunflower , @hollyco

[kaiowut99]

A Special Announcement~ | Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V Tag Force Special Re-Translation Project!

I've been itching to get around to posting about this for a few months now, but wanted to wait until I'd worked on enough for it, but also had the idea to create an announcement trailer to go with it for added good measure--after recording and editing clips for a couple weeks and leveling the audio last night, heremst we are! (For some clips, I forgot to turn off the PPSSPP emulator's DevMenu option so that shows up in the top-left, buuut I didn't feel like re-recording those, lmao.)

Details worth reading below the cut here, but tl;dr work has been in progress for over a year in between things, work will continue to be in progress for a while, and the release will happen when everything's ready, but stay tuned, fun's getting started etc etc~

So, I'm sure most of us are familiar with the as-yet-unlocalized-by-Konami TFSP, the seventh and last entry in the Tag Force series on the PSP that came out early in ARC-V's run (featuring the first five series which was a cool first), as well as the current translations out there originally worked on by the guys at XenoTranslations (omarrrio and ScrewTheRules/ClickClaxer01 at GBATemp handling the card and story/etc translations, respectively) and how there are... some issues with what's out there. Everything from the DM story mode being loaded with YGOTAS references (no shade to YGOTAS and much respect to LK/Martin for his ongoing work on it still making me laugh sometimes, ofc) to the off-the-cuff edginess of 2014-2015-era internet culture and the problematic (in some cases, derogatory) language that permeated it--though to its credit, some parts do have some level of translation attempted, but taken as a whole, it can definitely turn people off from giving the game a try and seeing what it brings to the table (which is still a good amount despite the corners Konami cut here/there compared to prior TF games).

I actually did attempt a translation of my own back in 2015 (if you've been following me for a long time, you might remember it lol), tackling the GX story text starting with Judai's heart events, but eventually put it on the backburner as I focused more on my GX subbing work and beginning to finalize everything (which I'm still doing). Sometime in 2022, a friend over on NeoArkCradle (the "anonymous YGO fan" in the opening screen) was poring over the story text and patching it up the best he could to remove the references and inaccuracies with more coherent work, and after a while of seeing what he was working with in the Discord, I was a bit blown away by just how inaccurate much of it was--so alongside him, and using the better tools available since then (including some really awesome work from both nzxth2 [who did a proper re-translation of 5D's TF6 not too long ago and was kind enough to release his tools for it] and our coding helper Xan1242 who we eventually reached out to for some help), I decided to *cracks knuckles* get involved and help give everything a more accurate and professional translation, much like I do with my GX subs, working directly off the Japanese text and files. I've been taking cracks at everything in between the GX episodes I've been finalizing going back to at least last January (and I'd used my little hiatus after finalizing GX Season 2's subs to really get at some other stuff throughout the game), starting with re-translating DM's story text but also properly translating other aspects of the game, from the character names (using the original Japanese names, including those of the TF-exclusive characters, partly since Konami made a whole mess of them in English TF1-5), in-duel dialogue, pack descriptions, and more to images with Japanese text (such as localizing the in-duel cut-in onomatopoeia as you see in the video above, or other little images throughout) using some Photoshop skills I've picked up. And it's been a joint effort, as said NAC friend and I have been bouncing off how we'd like to see this go between us to stay on the same page and all, while also checking with other translators there for second/third opinions as needed.

Our plan is to release two versions of a translation--one which uses the OCG [translated] card names in Story Mode, in-duel, and other text but not in the game's card system (mainly to deal with story-relevant notes like Osiris vs Slifer with the Gods or things like not-Utopia Hope being symbolic between Yuma and Astral, akin to how I do my GX subs), and one which uses the TCG card names in everything (like how the official subs go about it). While we're mostly working with the Japanese game files due to how the Xeno team went about decoding everything, we'll be using the card-system-related files from the fixed ISO provided by FLSGaming which fixed some issues that had been present there. And Xan has helped us with a plugin that will be used to apply our translations to the system files that were hard to edit otherwise (things like the character and recipe names, as well as the pack names pulled from for the Card Description screen), but more on how that'll work once this is ready for release, lol. At some point, I'd like to also look at HDifying textures and things, but that's definitely a bonus-level thing for after the main work here is done.

SO.

Currently, Story-Mode-wise, I've gone through everything up to Yusei's events--so Dark Yugi/Kaiba/Jounouchi/Ishizu/Mai in DM, Judai/Manjoume/Asuka/Misawa/Ryou in GX, and Yusei in 5D's have been fully retranslated, though I took initial cracks at Yuma and Yuya's events to get content for this video lol (I've also been intentionally holding off on as much ZEXAL as I can until I've properly watched the whole show so I have context). I haven't tackled overworld text yet, though (like pre-duel or the tournament-related text, which is all in the same file as all the story text). I've also been handling the in-duel dialogue as I go through the character stories, so also just up to Yusei, though I did take initial cracks at Aki's, Yuma and Shark's, and Yuya and Yuzu's for the video.

Other things tackled that were sprinkled into the video, along with some other notes:

Pack names and descriptions have been retranslated, though the descriptions may see minor edits closer to release for a little variety between worlds given the different characters at the shop. Character recipe names were also retranslated, with Yugipedia's translations for them used as an occasional second opinion, though ones based on pack names had to be abbreviated in spots.

Menu text, from the Options to Help screens and stuff in between, has been retranslated, as have in-duel text strings (so, you'll see a full "Activate Effect" instead of "Activate" or "Switch to Attack/Defense Position" instead of "Switch to ATK/DEF Position", etc--also fixed the "BATTELE PHASE" graphic typo, and NAC friend created a new translation for the "Turn Change" graphic for accuracy since ENG TF1-5 made that into "Next Player's Turn").

Database stuff, such as the Sound Test, Tutorials, Duel Missions, etc., have been retranslated closer to the Japanese text; originally I retranslated the Tutorial text via hex editor, with compromises done on quite a bit of it due to the space limits, but as Xan recently updated a text extractor tool of theirs to more cleanly pull out and reinsert that text, I've been going through and fleshing out those translations more (on my commutes to/from work mostly, to be productive lol).

As mentioned, I've been localizing/translating Japanese-text images throughout the game as I come across them, like with the in-duel onomatopoeia that come up during cut-ins or images in the shop/duel/etc screens using Japanese text, to make sure the game is fully translated.

The series logos, used during the title sequence and in the Series Select screens, were updated with translated fan edits shared on Deviantart (which we'll credit in the final release) for DM and GX, while the 5D's-ARC-V logos were edited to enlarge the "Yu-Gi-Oh!" text on them that was pretty hard to see originally.

The game's original opening sequence starts on an anti-piracy message before going into the Konami logo and then a "From Yu-Gi-Oh!..." screen before the opening animation for each series logo--the original team decided to use the first image to vent their frustration at Konami for not localizing this game, and while that's valid (to some extent), we thought we'd use the opportunity to dedicate this project to Kazuki Takahashi for inspiring our love for YGO and the place it's had in our hearts for all these years.

We'll be updating the names of cards that had TCG releases after the original patch was worked on/updated by FLSG to those corresponding names.

Xan has been working on many UI fixes for us to apply with this, among them 3-line dialogue box text as is used in the ENG TF1-5 games--once implemented for TFSP, I'll be going over everything to make full use of that extra space where needed, so things might not look as they do in the video by then.

Character bios will be worked on after I've done the story stuff, though I've taken initial cracks at it for Yuma and Yuya's bios for the video, along with translating the location/affiliation names ("Domino High School," "Satellite," etc).

Currently no release date is planned, as I'm working on this between my GX-finalizing work and actual IRL work, though we'll see how later this year looks as more work gets done--but as noted in the video, all things being equal, it will be released when everything is ready. I'll try to post regular updates or rambles now that this announcement's been made, lol, but do try not to constantly check in on a release date. ���🏽

All that said, I think that covers just about everything I wanted to put out there with this, lol. It's been fun to work on this so far and getting to see what I've re-translated in-game is definitely neat; looking forward to us being able to release everything when ready.

Stay tuned for more; the fun's just getting started!

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Daddy-Daughter Podcast 2023

11 years ago, my kid's daycare surprised us by announcing that they were closing for Christmas break a day before everyone else, so I ended up with our then-four-year-old daughter, Poesy, at my office for the day.

After she got bored with coloring and playing with my office toys, I sat her down on my lap in front of my podcast mic and we recorded the greatest, all-singing episode of my podcast ever:

https://craphound.com/news/2012/12/21/happy-hols/

Thus began an annual tradition. Every year since – save one, when my mic was busted – we have recorded a podcast: I interview the kid about her favorite media, apps, books, and hobbies. Sometimes, she gives a tutorial. Then, we sing a song.

She's 15 now (!), and I still managed to drag her to the mic this weekend. We discussed her musical favorites, old (Ike and Tina singing "Proud Mary") and new (Dominic Fyke). We discuss high school, volunteering at the zoo, and the rigors of dance team. She teaches us how to drive. She runs down her favorite apps, and discusses her recent name change. And then, we sing!

https://craphound.com/news/2023/12/10/daddy-daughter-podcast-2023-edition/

This is the eleventh installment in this time-series snapshots of my kid, starting in London, then moving to LA, and every year I go back and listen to the previous recordings. It's not just a wonderful moment of nostalgia for me – it's also a powerful way to put everything into perspective. Anyone who's kept a journal (or a blog!) knows, the act of regular record-keeping, combined with regular revisiting of those records, turns the impressionistic jumble of memory into a clear picture of your life and its trajectory. We remember so poorly, but our treacherous minds fill in those omissions with whatever's going on right now, so if times are good now, we remember all times as good. If times are bad, everything seems bad.

The following year sees Poesy far more confident and even funnier – and excited about working at the zoo someday:

https://craphound.com/news/2013/12/23/christmastime-daddy-daughter-podcast-with-poesy/

At six, Poesy has learned a little French, and some naughty words for Jingle Bells (and she's got a lot more vocal control!):

https://craphound.com/news/2014/12/22/podcast-happy-xmas-guest-starring-poesy/

At seven, Poesy is living in Los Angeles and my mic is very busted, but Poesy knows all the words to Frosty and she's got the barrelhouse walkout nailed:

https://craphound.com/news/2015/12/25/podcast-happy-xmas-guest-starring-poesy-2/

We didn't manage to record the next year, so we catch up with Poesy at nine, with her English accent all but gone – but her memory for lyrics is better than ever (who knew there were so many choruses to "Deck the Halls?"). This is the first time I interviewed her, for an in-depth discussion of how to make slime (remember slime?):

https://craphound.com/news/2017/12/23/reviving-my-christmas-daddy-daughter-podcast-with-poesy/

At ten, Poesy is now watching online makeup tutorials and has lots of advice for you, and is super into squishies:

https://craphound.com/news/2018/12/24/christmas-podcast-with-poesy-2018-edition/

At eleven, Poesy's no longer willing to sing, but she has lots of information about riding horses. This is the first year that she's got her own music preferences, with half of them being contemporary artists like Billie Eilish and the other half being older acts like Queen. This is also the year that she got rid of all her old toys, books and clothes, because they were "not her style":

https://craphound.com/podcast/2019/12/20/my-annual-daddy-daughter-xmas-podcast-interview-with-an-11-year-old/

Twelve sees us podcasting from covid lockdown. No song this year, but she's playing video games (Among Us), thrifting (while double-masked), and she's just discovered Tiktok, along with Tiktok dances, and she's started to find cool music that I enjoy:

https://craphound.com/news/2020/12/11/daddy-daughter-podcast-2020-edition/

At thirteen, Poe's a high school freshman and the singing is back! She's big into Drag Race and Ru Paul. And high school sucks so hard that she'd rather go back to Zoom school. She's still riding horses, and she's fallen in love with a book for the first time in years: Animal Farm (but she hates the ending):

https://craphound.com/news/2021/12/23/daddy-daughter-podcast-2021-edition/

Last year, Poesy was fourteen, and my office had just flooded out in a freak rainstorm. Poesy has discovered her argumentative nature, and she loves hiking in nearby Angeles National Forest. She's getting into hiphop – Eminem, Snoop Dogg, and Cyprus Hill – and South Park (also Fleetwood Mac!). We get a lot about Big Mouth, and a long discussion of her short fiction writing:

https://craphound.com/podcast/2022/12/12/daddy-daughter-podcast-2022-edition/

These annual time-capsules are just tremendous. I may not have had the discipline to do daily, time-lapse ready photo portraits, but this corny, silly yearly tradition is more than a way for my kid and me to spend a few minutes together just before Christmas – they're a way to connect to our past and think about the future to come. I can imagine doing these over Zoom when the kid's away at university in a couple years, though who knows if she'll stand for that.

Here's the podcast episode:

https://craphound.com/news/2023/12/10/daddy-daughter-podcast-2023-edition/

And here's a direct link to the MP3 (hosting courtesy of the Internet Archive – they'll host your stuff for free, forever):

https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_457/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_457_-_Daddy_Daughter_Podcast_2023_Edition.mp3

And here's the RSS feed for my podcast:

https://feeds.feedburner.com/doctorow_podcast

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/12/11/daddy-daughter-2023/#not-bye

[haveyouseenthismovie-poll]

End of month update - June

Hello, all! This is the end-of-month update, where I post Tumblr’s current top four films that have received the highest percentage of “yes,” “no,” and “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes.

As of today, the top four films with the highest percentage of “yes” votes are:

Finding Nemo (2003) | Shrek (2001) | Monsters, Inc. (2001) | The Lion King (1994)

Next, the top four films with the highest percentage of “no” votes are:

Sausage Party (2016) | Pinocchio(2019) | Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014) | All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)

Finally, the top four films with the highest percentage of “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes are:

Faat Kiné (2001) | Now Add Honey (2015) | Like a Cat on a Highway (2017) | Dean Spanley (2008)

This top four changed through the new additions of Faat Kiné (2001) and Now Add Honey (2015), which replaced Monica and Friends: Bonds (2019) and Monsturd (2003).

Currently, The Incredibles (2004) is the still the only film to receive absolutely zero “haven’t heard of this” votes.

That’s it for June’s end-of-month update! Remember that you can view last month’s update by clicking here. Additionally, you can view the full ranked Letterboxd lists of movies that have come up on this blog by clicking the following links:

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “yes” votes.

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “no” votes.

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes.

Remember to vote on the polls that are currently running: The Road Within (2014) | About a Boy (2002) | Spy Kids (2001) | Frozen II (2019) | High Noon (1952) | Horns (2013) | Im Himmel ist die Hölle los (1984) | In Bruges (2008) | Sideways (2004) | Pokémon: The First Movie - Mewtwo Strikes Back (1998) | Sailor Moon SuperS: The Movie: Black Dream Hole (1995) | Mamma Mia! (2008) | Down with Love (2003) | Stonehenge Apocalypse (2010) | This is Spinal Tap (1984) | The Kids Are Alright (1979) | Lisztomania (1975) | A Little Chaos (2014) | Redline (2009) | The Stepford Wives (1975) | Blancanieves (2012) | Clerks (1994) | Promising Young Woman (2020) | What's Up, Doc? (1972) | The Apple (1980) | Broken (1993) | The Virgin Suicides (1999) | The Phantom of the Opera (2004) | The Wolf Man (1941) | The Boxtrolls (2014) | Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966) | The Perfect Score (2004) | The Man from Earth (2007) | Shapeshifter (1999) | The Lighthouse (2019)

Also, remember that the ask box will open for requests some time before July 4th! There will be a post announcing when it's open, so keep an eye out for that if you'd like to request some movies!