#I promise to cover it tomorrow
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Oh my goodness, Schnider and Vertin having a NERF fight on the set with the props during the showdown at the Walden.
Also some of the kids definitely have some connection to some of the other actors, either through parents' friends or current guardians.
I can see that happening after the Green Oranges scene which would be quite ironic yet fun.
As I wrote this, a cockroach was chasing me, excuse the spelling mistakes there might be.
Vertin with a NERF gun in hand chasing Schneider through the set, both laughing and having fun despite just filming the saddest scene in the season.
"My Lord, are you really set in shooting through my heart this time?" Schneider would slip in character often to mess with Vertin
"stay put Schneider! I'm gonna finish what I started!"
Vertin had shot many others in the process: Z, Matilda, Constantine and Arcana had all suffered from Vertin's NERF gun.
At last though, Vertin managed to shoot Schneider's arm, and the girl returned the shot, slowly becoming into a full on shooting fight all filmed by the captain.
"And that's how we usually go behind the scenes! Bloody hell- HEY WATCH WHERE YOU'RE SHOOTING! This camera is NOT cheap!"
As for the kids, it's a story for another day (I am sleepy I'm sorry, I'll respond to that one tomorrow)
#reverse 1999#THE BUNNY#when I said a cockroach chased me I was NOT joking#fucker#the kids is a long story#I promise to cover it tomorrow#if I don't please ask again#my memory really really sucks#R1999 Actors AU
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💘
#this might be the most scribble thing I post here yet bahahahahahahahahahahaaha#I still like how the hands turned out even though I didn’t finish them😇#but it’s pretty messy and the hands might be the only part I like🥲#but since this blog is my art journey documentation here you are#I was pretty busy today so no good art but maybe tomorrow we’ll see#I am preparing things to FINALLY answer my asks🥹#& if you tagged me in anything I actually have been meaning to respond!!!!!!!! my notifications are the WORST and so confusing on here😵💫#and I’m technology grandma…#hope u all have had an amazing day !!!! 🫶#my brother in law has been fishing and catching SO MANY sargo#(sargo = sea bream for the animal crossing playing English speakers😙)#AND ITS LITERALLY SOOOOOOOOO DELICIOUS !!!!!#i cook it in the weirdest way possible#you just have to gut the fish and cut off its fins etc#then you put it in a wet salt bed and cover it up…cook it for 30 min…AND VOILA ITS DONE !!!!!#I don’t add any spices…NOTHING…and this fish literally has the taste and texture of crab covered in butter#LIKE…😳 it might be my favorite food/fav thing to cook these days bc it’s so easy and fresh caught fish is just delicious😫#well that was my grandma cooking show of the day👩🍳#now you know how to cook sargo a la sal 👩🍳#also going back to the drawing🥹 I just love these two so much…#I love thinking of sweet moments…most of my angst is confined to writinc😆#the chapter I’m writing right now is SO ANGST DEPRESSING (sorry Eloise)#it will get better…I promise…#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x mc
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my favorite scully and mulder moments from s5
in episode 1, mulder sneakily enters scully's apartment. he sits in the dark in silence; as she gets undressed for bed, he says “keep going, FBI woman”, which only slightly surprises her (her face is shocked, but she doesn't yell; just asks "mulder? what are you doing? why are you sitting in my bedroom in the dark?" which is an incredibly reasonable question! he tells her that he killed a man, and she thinks he is joking, so he clarifies that he isn't)
scully waking up in the hospital bed in episode 2 to mulder by her side- she’s worried someone will see him as they just spent a good amount of time faking his death, but he smiles, grabs her hand, sits on the bed, and kisses her cheek, saying “i’m officially among the undead” (WAHHHH)
(and when she is so worried about how he will have to confess everything, including killing that guy, he does his best to prevent her from dwelling on it- “hey scully, how about those yankees?”)
how she very seriously warns him that skinner is the guy on the inside, and he’s touching her face, saying no, he’s not; mulder knows that skinner made the deal with CSM, but she doesn't know he risked his career and life to save her
and then she offers to take the fall for shooting that guy, saying “mulder, if i can’t save you, let me at least give some meaning to what’s happened to me” (tears. TEARS)
(and when her family arrives to visit her in the hospital, he says he was just leaving, giving her one last kiss on the hand before heading out)
mulder coming by her bedside again after considering taking CSM’s deal to join the dark side, but ultimately refusing: “then why’d you come here if you’d already made up your mind?” she asks, and he laughs: “because i knew you’d talk me out of it if i was making a mistake” (the total trust they have in each other......)
when mulder leaves for his big hearing, she tells him that he’ll be in her prayers (and he kisses her cheek once more, telling her to ask the “father to say a few hail mulders for me, okay?”)
(she is literally laying in bed dying, and despite him never understanding her beliefs and her having, you know, imminent death on her own doorstep, she talks to god about him. intervening with the creator on his behalf. and he, instead of being dismissive of religion like he usually is, accepts the help with a joke and a kiss on the cheek... i feel like i could write a poem on the subject and my emotions still wouldn't be fully expressed)
they’re in the car on the way to a team building seminar in episode 4, and mulder leans over to scully, asking her to please kill him now
however, she immediately realizes he's come up with a new plan to get out of the whole thing by investigating a case: “you want me to tell them that you’re not going to make it to this year’s teamwork seminar?” (he grabs her shoulders, bending over a little to meet her eye level) “yeah. you see that? we don’t need that conference. we have communication like that, unspoken. you know what i’m thinking”
scully trying to start a fire to keep him warm after his body goes into shock- she asks if he has ever thought about dying, saying she was angry while she was sick, and talking about the struggle to give suffering meaning. and then after he makes some joke to get her laughing, she picks up him, placing his head in her lap (“i don’t wanna wrestle”, he mumbles, to which she replies “get over here. i’m trying to keep you warm”)
he asks her to sing as they cuddle, so he can know that she is awake and keeping watch. and then when she indulges him, his whiny ass requests the chorus, too <3
when he wakes up he is so scared to see that she isn’t there, but she was just getting some berries LMAO
mutual roasting in episode 5; she says she thinks the townspeople are so bored and obsessed with what they see on TV that they’re imagining a monster, to which he responds “i am alarmed that you would reduce these people to a cultural stereotype”; when he is spouting frankenstein comparisons to the case, she hits him with the “mulder, i’m alarmed you would reduce this man to a literary stereotype” <- they were having a nerd off!!!
“given the power, who could resist to create life in his own image?” “we already have that ability, mulder; it’s called procreation”
and the famous black and white dancing scene to cher music <3
in episode 7, mulder offers to stay with her while emily is dying, rubbing her back as he says so. but she says she wants to do this alone, so he walks away, and she climbs into emily’s bed
and at the funeral, when scully’s mother asks her if she is ready to go, she says she will stay a little while longer and get a ride back with mulder. soon after, she asks “who are the men who would create a life whose only hope is to die?”, and he answers “i don’t know. but that you found her… and you had a chance to love her… maybe she was meant for that, too” (doing his best to find the meaning in the suffering like they talked about in episode 4, because he knows she finds it incredibly difficult... yeah. and her choosing to spend more time with him than to go home and be with her family... whew)
scully refusing to let mulder fall for pusher’s tricks in episode 8, telling him to hang up the phone before he gets sucked into his games
linda bowman uses the same ability to push her will onto others to convince mulder that scully shot herself. he sees scully, begging him to make her stop, before she shoots herself and collapses. he screams, and imagines himself cradling her head. and when the real scully is in front of him, the mind tricks make mulder think that she is linda, so scully has to try and prove it is really her (“you killed her!” “your mother is tina. your sister is samantha. modell warned you- don’t play her game”). scully has enough time to save the day by shooting linda, and by the time he realizes it really is scully standing in front of him, she gently grabs his arm, calling for an ambulance. the terror of it all. and the loyalty that can inspire such terror...
in episode 9, she tries to explain how it would be physically possible for someone to swallow pounds of dirt, and he just smiles at her; “well… you asked me for answers. those are the best ones i’ve got” <-and listen, after his endless ghost and ghoul explanations, i think your lungs to dirt ratio sounds perfectly reasonable, scully
mulder also decides to dig up a grave in that episode, while scully warns him anything he finds will not be admissible in court. isn’t that just so Them? she’s not gonna stop him, but she will make sure he knows what they can and cannot use as evidence.
“i don’t think this was an act of grave robbing, scully” “no, that’s what we were doing” <- LMAO COME ON….
(there’s also a scene at the very end where mulder is stuck in endless mud and you can see scully helping him up, which greatly warmed my heart)
episode 10’s whole dynamic while scully is on vacation and he is back at the office, but especially this exchange over the phone:
“no, i don’t think it's witchcraft, mulder, or sorcery”
“yeah, well, maybe you don’t know what you’re looking for”
“like evidence of conjury or the black arts, or shamanism, divination, wicca, or any kind of pagan or neo-pagan practice? charms, cards, familiars, bloodstones or hex sins, or any of the ritual tableaux associated with the occult, santeria, vodoun, macumba, or any high or low magic?”
“scully?” “yes?” “marry me” “i was hoping for something a little more helpful” (i watched this scene 3 times because there was SO much to adore, including how serious his face was)
she finds him trapped inside an AI torture chamber in episode 11, and pulls him out, mumbling “you’re going to be okay, i’m going to get you out of here”, dragging his limp body to safety
scully walks into their office, where mulder is sitting, at the start of episode 12: “mulder…” “DON’T. don’t even start with me”
scully describing him as “characteristically exuberant” (“hope you brought your cowboy boots! yeehaw!") as she recounts what happened, and him describing her as “less than exuberant” (“well, obviously it’s not a vampire” “why not?” “because they don’t exist?”)
when scully tells mulder not to rule out what cassandra spender has to say in episode 13, she says the words slowly and carefully, and they lock eyes as he nods, recognizing the significance of the moment in terms of her own beliefs
when scully is in the hospital after the explosion in episode 14, mulder wakes her up by running his fingers through her hair, then giving her the gentlest smile; she asks what time it is, and he laughs- but this makes her self-conscious, so he explains “i’m not laughing at you. i’m just very happy to be standing here talking to you, that’s all” (screaming. btw)
(he then raises her bed a little so they can look at each other while he explains what happened, but a nurse shoos him away, saying she needs rest; he leaves with a thumbs up despite her yelling after him)
“the truth i’ve been searching for? the truth is in you” <- man hold on. hold on, man. MAN-
scully undergoing regression hypnotherapy to remember what happened to her during the explosion. mulder is sitting on the couch next to her, looking terrified as she screams. and despite not being fully present as she recalls the horrors, she taps at his hand next to hers on the couch, wordlessly asking him to hold it. when she comes to, she’s panting, and asks if he was there the whole time. he nods
and later they hold hands in the back of a cop car as they get taken to jail <3
scully breaking into mulder’s motel room while he is undercover in episode 18; he screams at her to get out, and denies being undercover, even though skinner told her everything. she stops his yelling with a breathy “oh, mulder, what did they do to you?”, and sets his poor broken fingers as he winces
(and then she is able to recognize him on the tape of the bank heist despite being masked because of his fingers <3)
then they jointly scream in the CIA guy’s face because they realize he was testing bioweapons and killing civilians… synchronized rage looks good on them
mulder decides to go by himself to investigate the mysterious manifesto in episode 19. not even a minute after he walks out of the door from where he was questioning a witness, he calls her to ask her to look through all of the x files, searching for a specific phrase, which she finds. and then we get to hear him say “scully, at the risk of you telling me i told you so, i think it’s time for you to get down here and help me” “i told you so”, she says with a smile
later, he’s rambling about his bug conspiracy, still wearing the clothes that got all bloody from being taken hostage, and she asks if he has gotten any sleep
scully visiting mulder in the hospital after he goes off the deep end, seeing bug people everywhere, breaking into someone’s house, and attacking skinner; she slips her hand into his as he is restrained, telling him she hopes he can see through this delusion: “you have to be willing to see” “i wish it were that simple” “scully, you have to believe me. nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will. you’re my… one in five billion”
the hug at the end of episode 20 as they find the x files in ashes </3
#still screaming and crying over some of these in particular#like the fact that i did not imagine episode 4 and that it actually happened is still mind-boggling in the best way#also. her being self-conscious because he laughs when she asks what time it is after waking up from a coma.#and how he patiently explains he isn't laughing at her!!! he's just so happy to see her!!!#my babies?? can two grown adults be my babies?? it is possible!!!#also still losing it over her saying she will pray for him. like god. she meant it so deeply. and he could tell.#if i think about “hey scully how about those yankees?” for longer than 5 seconds i might actually combust btw#or how happy he is to see her. how wide his smile is. how she's worried about blowing his cover but he laughs and says he's undead#or the fact that when she is dying he tells skinner he's only half-dead..........#i need to bark and shake around a chew toy or something.#anyway! ftf tomorrow hopefully! i'll get a best s5 skinner moments as well hopefully this weekend but no promises#msr#the x files#txf
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friend notoriously bad at videogames said shed play marvel rivals with me tomorrow chat if i never post after tomorrow night its because a blood vessel bursted
#marvel rivals#snap chats#AT LEAST WE’LL HAVE OUR OTHER FRIEND THERE BUT god.#she funny as hell she just suddenly called me and was like ‘i saw your twitter. do you wanna play marvel rivals tomorrow’#and then she proceeds to be like ‘wait so who do you main. other than magneto’ Motherfucker with a capital M#NO I SWEAR IM NOT A ONE TRICK i really like wanda hawkeye and jeff….#NO SHE SAID ONE MORE THING SHE WAS LIKE ‘wait are charles and magneto the same guy’ and she tries to Just Kidding her wait outta it#Note whenever she says Just Kidding she’s trying to cover her ass I PROMISE I WAS LIKE /KAYLA. BE SERIOUS./#and then she was like ‘who’s the friendlier one of the two’#and then i had to hit her with the Technically People Think Theyre Both Varying Degrees Of Asshole. however charles probably wont bite you#and THEN SHE WAS LIKE ‘ok well you should draw magneto surprising charles with jollibees’ AND I. NO SHE THINKS MY EXISTENCE SURROUNDS JB#AND THIS GAL HAD THE GAUL TO BE LIKE ‘oh do you know how to make it since its a big part of your culture’#i was flabbergasted frankly. ‘oh you guys really like jollibees so you know how to make it right’ i screamed#LIKE ????ISJAJSJSJSJ i cant stress the anomaly this girl is i wish you all could meet her so you understand me#AND LIKE SURE I LOVE JBS but she only ever mentions puto and jollibees to me like kayla. there is more to PH culture than that sjKakss#its really funny with the ??? shit she says i cant lie#she was all ‘oh is the winter soldier in the game ? you should play him hes cool :) and from jersey :) ok well his actor is but—‘ LIKE DKSKS#‘snap arent you being a little mean’ no trust and believe AND I HAVE WITNESSES#i have stupid amounts of stories with her. like she tried to excuse being dumb by sayin shes a capricorn#we’re literally both capricorns and she was born two days before me I Cannot. Do You Understand Me.#anyways. she said i should stream me playing rivals would anyone care about that#i kinda wanted to …. i think it’d be fun…. plus i miss streaming :(#ok byebye for now my bros almost home and i said id let him play so i could work on comms#i mean thats assuming he wants to play. if not uhhhhhhh#anyways BYE. ill tell yall how the game goes tomorrow night if i dont die of a stroke#again at least our other friend’ll be there so someone can laugh at my pain
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IT'S DONE IT'S DONE IT'S DONE
in google docs since this ended up being almost 4.5k words and i knew that would be HORRIBLE to read on tumblr. if you see the typo in my gmail address don't worry about it i made this account when i was 10
i hope you guys like what I've been cooking... may be a bit ooc but i tried to stay as canon compliant as possible or at least explain myself and my rationale where i could so i hope it's not too jarring
#larry time#ocs#kiru#ask to tag#<- i cover some sensitive topics in this one but they're mentioned quite briefly so im not sure what i Should tag it as...#it's also almost midnight and ive been at this for days now so my brains a little tired#FRIED** god you can see it#anyways i kept my promise 🫡 it's still technically 'tomorrow' from yesterday
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oh i had a thought last night to do an ava as an art student / sara as a life drawing model au and i'm Really excited abt this and i need more ideas for it! my current ideas are mostly ava and sara hanging out and ava drawing sara Constantly. i can see her as an artist who's primary motivation is just to put reality to paper, and so she just draws and draws and draws. anyway, pls help me with this lmao
#phoebe returns#avalance#legends of tomorrow#her apartment is just Covered in drawings of sara#sara comes over and ava's like i promise i'm not a serial killer!!#sara goes to avas big final show and its a beautiful paitnting pf her#ahhhh i just love this idea
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Alternate covers of June Hur's The Red Palace
#lowkey obsessed w the faecrate one (top left but also the korean cover#theyre SO PRETTY 😭😭😭😭😭#the red palace#june hur#happy 1am y'all i just finished this book and i promise it's about to be everyone's problem tomorrkw#tomorrow
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Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman
part one | part two
#toronto maple leafs#HELLO EVERYBODY THIS HAS BEEN MONTHS!!! MONTHS IN THE MAKING BECAUSE i AM UNHINGED AND NEEDED THE PRECISE PICTURES THAT I KNEW I WOULD GET#like. seventy five percent of this has been done since the first time i posted this and while it has gotten better with time because#my narratives simply got more complex and there's so much of this that is For Me but don't worry i will explain but aLSO goddamn mitch coul#you have gotten married any later in the year. also willy you truly disappointed me by not getting an absurd haircut this year (now that#i've said this he's going to debut it on instagram like. tomorrow. but anyway that meant y'all got to enjoy my neuroses of#Loving Tyler Bertuzzi who is a goddamn leaf. the joys of having to wait to post this (was not a leaf at the time i started it) and anyway i#have at length i think had the breakdown about tyler in pigtails girl dad & how i got a bob & then tyler copied me which was rude. that's m#gender. ANYWAY starting from the top we got sheldon keefe documentation which was really just the personal decision that i wanted all the#coaching staff to be the markers in the poem/the bold & also at the TIME keefe hadn't re-signed &we thought it might be everybody out w/kyl#anyway the title of the scrap of an old lover's flannel is literally 'u think this is about sheldon & kyle NO it's about timothy liljegren'#bc. liljegren was on the marlies winning cup team & has had a contentious relationship w/keefe ever since & was healthy scratched in playof#& the narrative is sooooo. also at one point for the ryan o'reilly i was going to edit the stlb out of his grandma's shirt or cover it w/th#childhood dreams line but THEN i found the gio snapped stick one which was too perfect for 'crumbling copy' the ryan o'reilly To Me is so.#ur insane in ways u did not think for that one. like. how soft her hands were. his grandma you guys. he grew up a leafs fan. if he ever get#to lift the cup with her again i will lose my shit. the cup run a movie i remember nothing--OKAY the spezz one i knew i needed him stresse#but also i believe in the spezz/kyle narrative so. it comes up later don't worry ALSO SPEZZ FOLLOWING HIM TO PITT CAME AFTER I MADE THIS bu#the muzz tea one makes me a little sensy bc muzz was out with an injury for most of this season & it was a really scary spinal one & so yea#& then the simmer one just straight up makes me cry bc i love him so much & the work that he does for anti-racism in hockey means so much &#if you have that video open & watch it i promise you will cry i do every time it's so beautiful he had to be on comforted by beauty & sammy#boy is on the a man who doesn't know me because EYE remember the caps goalie tandems. baby lilya. the mo one is a little funny bc it is#solely due to wade's thread about mo rielly the coal miner homestead husband. that's why he moves to omaha also i think it suits him (quiet#OK NOW OLD MEN IN LOVE NARRATIVE this one's in contention for my fave bc it's spezz coping w/retirement fundamental meaningless of existenc#u heard abt tyler already that's for me the minchy picture was just too good i had found it earlier & i spent SO LONG looking for an empty#leafs rink picture for bathtub i have some cool construction photos but i wanted the melting ice ones (thought about tahoe lol) & the sprin#one i manip'd a lot bc i needed a spring picture bc playoffs clinch in spring & that one fit so coincidentally perfect bc it's 7 straight#seasons 7 guys so. :) & i KNEW i swore to god they did more milk advertising i knew i was gonna do this one from the minute i saw the poem#the milk patch & it took a hot minute BUT I FOUND THIS ONE this one's for funsies. AND THE PIC I WAITED SO FUCKING LONG FOR this is actuall#from kerf's wedding but i was like i know on god mitch is getting married this summer & that's about to be the drunkest shenanigans wedding#i'm waiting for the pics. & then i was BLESSED with this one which is beautiful & perfect & LOOK AT THEM. anyway the last one is bc
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i think the sports direct hanger really makes it
#he is wonky and imperfect and in need of tassels & covered in loose threads#but aren't we all#and he's DONE#(for the machine part at least)#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#shitty photos but i have no time i have to pack for uni#leaving tomorrow morning rippppp#this has taken just over 2 full days#my floor is covered in thread#i am exhausted and fed up with it but its finished and im chuffed to bits tbh#looks so messy here skdhjcbkhj#i promise it's got more shape than is obvious here#off to pack. thanks for tuning in#project vessel coat
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Soon…
#5 feet Apart#Chapter 1 starting soon!#gunna crop or fix a few issues with the prologue#good fucking grief my ugly writing#okay tho im literaly cooking tho this artwork will be BANGER#i can promise you that lol#posting the prologue’s cover tomorrow morning#yIpEEeeEeEE
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Happy pride from the Creed of Gethin crew! It’s been a pleasure writing such a wild group of queer weirdos.
Left to right: Maryska (she/her), Kennet (He/him), Asa (they/them), Arvin (He/him) and then below we have Quincy (she/they)!
#my art#my characters#i know I’m a day early but i have to focus on the cover reveal tomorrow so you get this ahead of time#as a treat#Maryska#Kennet#Asa#Arvin#quincy#Arvin looks so shoved off to the side whoops lmao#it’s just the reference i used#i promise i love him#original characters#book characters#ocs#pride 2023
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Fursona mask wip :]
Pieces aren't glued yet, plus I still need a bunch more to cut out (the ears are very obviously missing, plus fangs, eyelashes, inner eye.... still a lotta work to be done)
Also still gotta figure out how I'm gonna color this thing...... I don't have paint so I'll have to make do with markers I think
#wip#probs not gonna post the finished thing on my art blog. gonna post it here on main instead#there's a lot of messy edges i'll have to figure out how to cover up....#i don't have a exacto knife of box cutter or anything like that so i can't clean them up well#but scissors will have to do for now#if it looks really funky it's the camera's fault lmao. also the fact that the pieces aren't glued#it looks better irl i promise#posting to keep myself motivated#also i will work on the comic i said i was gonna draw. tomorrow#i was out for most of the day and then had to help mom bake when i got back#we made quesitos tho so i'm ok with losing that time to draw#i'm tired now good night
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Guess whos potentially working a triple tomorrow?????????
Im going to transform into my final form if this shit keeps up i swear to god.
#summerly talks#im just. gonna have to tell my boss that. effective immediately. i cant work the weekend anymore#sad because its good money#but this is becoming a fucking pattern and if it does i may actually dive into a fission reactor while singing meltdown ;_;#like. i was okay with the double? my coworker called in because her baby was sick#and she promised me if i couldnt get anyone to cover for my am shift tomorrow she would take it#then at like 9pm i get a text saying. she cant. her baby wont let her leave#and i feel selfish because. she has a baby. but i have cats and luckily i was able to drop by today to pick up my sleepover kit#and also make sure minty had food. (fieldie has an auto feeder so hes okay)#and i just. want to go home#the reality is i cant. i cant go. not unless one of the people i texted gets back to me saying theyll come in#and no one has yet. its 11pm. no one will at this point.#im tired im tired im tired#i dont want to end up like i did at my ladt job. giving away entirely too much of me and destroying myself#ive already lost most if not all of my passion for this job#and when i was younger i dreamt of working with disabled people. i burnt too quick and now im a shell of what i was#but this is the only thing im trained for that would allow me to like. keep my home#maybe if or when i move to brisbane i can look into a different job. do an it course idk. something where there's less people skills needed#i better try to get some sleep orz tonights gonna be a bitch of a thing
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Manga haul from yesterday
#prince's talk tag#i promise this wont be an every week thing#i went back to the city yesterday to buy a beloved game from my childhood and decided to hit up the bookstores again#i said i wouldnt go overboard but mission failed lolol#i was happy to find the second volume of t/okyo m/ew m/ew o/mnibus bc i couldnt find it anywhere#and im really enjoying w/itch h/at a/telier in both art and story so i decided to collect it#i wasnt gonna get w/ot/akoi but 1) i found out the english version combines two volumes into one so its only 6 volumes long#and 2) the 6th volume cover was an exclusive at the bookstore i got it from (which was kinokuniya)#and comparing it to the regular cover i thought the exclusive was cuter so i decided why not#i also got more volumes of b/lue f/lag but the thing is i got those volumes from barnes and noble#and the thing about the bnn i went to is to prevent people stealing them they put security stickers in the book#but sometimes they put them over panels or worse a page of black ink#so taking off the sticker is easy but it does take some of the pigment off and it annoys me#like i get it but you're kinda ruining the book#the miku book is an artbook of Kei's art and i had to get it bc i love his miku artwork#seeing them in thr p/roject d/iva makes me happy#its 95% miku and 5% the rest of thr cryptonloids which makes sense bc the book IS called mikulife#but yea imma cool it with purchases now#im getting a book shelf tomorrow so i can finally put them away instead of having them on my dresser
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ouhghgh , , , reached the point where my throat is in so much pain i can't sleep, even with cough drops , , , , i keep waking up every hour coughing so hard i start to throw up by the end , , , , it looks like my fever might finally be going down (original peak of 100.9, now down to 98.8) but god , , , , the agony , , , , , ,
#i gotta sleep too because i have a mandatory orientation at 9am tomorrow#(online conference thank god)#i'm just. frustrated and feeling helpless.#laid into my brother a bit over discord when he gave me a non-apology when i told him to keep this whole mess in mind#next time he plans on leaving his mask at home#i want to feel better soon ; ; ; ;#i have work i need to do and notes i need to take and i miss my partner a lot ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;#i'm constantly thinking about how much of my room is just coated in covid particles at this point#and how hard it'll be to disinfect all of it when it comes time to end quarantine ; ; ;#i'm trying to cover my coughs but when i'm literally choking to the point that i'm practically retching into my trash can it's. hard;;;#ughghg ; ; ;#i'm frustrated i'm frustrated i'm frustrated ; ; ;#i want to go back in time and yell at my brother a hundred different times for all the stupid selfish ways he's been so careless#“ough this has just never happened before even during all the other times i've gone without a mask :(((”#“it seems my bad luck and poor immune system just got the better of me :(((”#just say you've gotten bold and careless and that this was just one huge risk in a long string of risks you've been taking since day one#you figured you were immune to consequences and now i'm paying the toll#couldn't even get him to promise to take a mask with him everywhere from now on until i laid into him for several minutes . . .#. . .
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People are always so willing and eager to help at the start but when you don’t get better right away when they realize this is a life long thing you have to deal with they sure do disappear fast
#they stopped visiting me after the first week at the psych ward#they kicked me out of iop when they decided I wasn’t improving enough#most therapists don’t even last one full session before turning me away#everyone offered a place to crash but when I’m not magically on my feet and okay right away they want me gone#and I’m fuckin sick of everyone thinking I’m not trying#you’re not sat with me messaging the suicide hotline three times a day just trying to stay alive#you aren’t the one on three different antidepressants plus vitamins and supplements#you aren’t there when I walk six hours a day only to be paid a fourth of what I was promised#you aren’t the one covered in bruises from working#you aren’t the one watching how much you’ve dropped in weight when you were already underweight because now you can’t afford food#You don’t see me living in a dark closet and by this time tomorrow back in an abusive house#no shit you don’t see any changes cause you aren’t around for it and I’ve spent the last 20 years hiding how bad it all is#ghost rambles
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