#I never wanna be this person but. HE WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT

[chippedshake]

My gift for @an-akward-ace as part of the gift exchange :))

@outsiders-gift-exchanges

“Mama?” Darry asks as he creeps out of the hallway and into the living room. Mama’s on the couch, feet tucked underneath her, book in her hands. She looks up and worry crawls onto her face. 

“Darry? What’s wrong?”

He walks up to the couch tentatively and sits down next to her. “Am I a bad person?”

“What?” Mama closes her book and puts it on the couch armrest. “Why would you think that?”

“Sometimes— sometimes I think I don’t…” He looks at her guiltily for a moment before looking away. “Sometimes I think Ponyboy doesn’t love me.”

“Honey,” Mama murmurs, putting her hand on Darry’s shoulder, “Why would you say that?”

“I don’t—” Darry looks down again. “I don’t know. When I told him to go away because I wanted to play with Mark and Andrew he started crying and wouldn’t talk to me for a week. An’ he gets way more mad at me than at Soda but I’m a lot less annoying than Soda.”

Mama runs her hand through Darry’s hair and he curls up against her, just young enough to not be embarrassed. “Oh, Darry, that don’t mean he don’t love you. It just means he gets cranky sometimes. Maybe y’all mess up sometimes, but that don’t mean nothin’. Everyone does.” 

She pauses for a moment. 

“You ever notice that sometimes we’re all real quiet at dinner and Pa an’ me won’t look at each other?” Darry nods slowly. “Love ain’t perfect, and it ain’t about wantin’ to be with someone all the time, or never gettin’ mad. Only place you’ll see that is in the movies.”

Darry nods again, but doesn’t answer. 

“Say— weren’t you reading Ponyboy a story before he went to sleep?”

Darry looks up at her and nods. “We’ve read it a bunch before but he never wants ta read anything else.”

“Does anyone else ever read it to him?”

“The story?” Mama nods. “No. Says he only likes how I read it. But it’s just ‘cause I do more voices than you.”

“How ‘bout walking home from school? Pa could go pick him up in the car, wouldn’t that be faster?”

“Yeah…” Darry’s not quite sure where this is going. “But that way he knows what the city’s like and doesn’t get lost when he’s older and stuff.”

“Right. What about how Ponyboy asked for a football for his birthday even though he’d been talking about that colouring book for months? What about how he won’t go to sleep without a ‘Darry hug’ because he says it’s better than other hugs?”

Darry doesn’t know what to say so he looks down at his hands. 

“Love ain’t perfect, honey. You don’t always wanna be with someone and sometimes you’re gonna get mad and, Dar,—” He looks up at her “ — that’s fine. Love’s in the little things that add up, and yeah, sometimes something’s gonna subtract some, but that don’t take away from all of what you’ve built.” 

…

Darry steps into the house with a loud sigh. 

No one’s around to hear it. 

He can’t be bothered to take his boots off, no matter how much he dreads having to clean the house afterwards, because it’s just grabbing the grocery list and taking off again. 

Just grabbing the gro— oh, shit. Where is it? 

A groan starts poking its way out of Darry’s chest. 

Why him? Why now? Why at the end of the work day, when the only thing keeping him standing is the thought of a bath once he gets back? 

He looks around the same place again, hoping the bright yellow sticky note somehow flew under his radar. 

It didn’t. 

In a couple cabinets, on the floor, inside drawers— by the time Darry’s looked through the whole kitchen, he’s shuffled around so much the floor’s covered with dirt. Because his shoes are still on. Because it was supposed to be quick. Because the list was supposed to be right there and it’s actually a tiny thing and he can probably remember everything anyways but the list needed to be there and he doesn’t have the stupid list and he just want to sleep but he need to make dinner and where the fuck is that list—

“Oh, hey, Darry!” Soda walks in and holds the door for Steve, who comes in behind him. Both their arms are full of groceries. 

Everything that was on the list. 

“Thought we’d get ahead on groceries since your shift’s longer’n normal today.”

Steve doesn’t add anything, but grunts in Darry’s general direction, so he gathers it’s a form of greeting.

“Oh,” Darry says, trying to keep his voice calm and hide the fact that he was about to break down because of something as stupid as not finding a sticky note. “How much was it?”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it,” Steve says, setting his bag down at the kitchen table. “Old man kicked me out again last week. S’on him.”

…

“Hey, Darry?” Darry stops and turns around from where he was heading towards the kitchen. 

“Yeah, Pone?” 

“Can you stand there for a second and put your hands behind your back?”

Darry stares at him, confused, before doing as he asks. 

“And tilt your head a bit to the right— wait, no, my right, your left.”

A couple moments go by. Ponyboy’s scribbling something in his notebook, looking up at Darry and back down quickly.  

“Can I move now?”

“Just one more second…” He erases something, draws it again, and holds his notebook up next to Darry. “Okay, thanks.”

Darry heads towards him. “Can I see it?”

Ponyboy covers his notebook hurriedly. “When it’s finished.”

“Okay, okay.” Darry holds his hands up in mock innocence.

…

Darry tries not to worry too much about Ponyboy. Their parents were never very controlling, and generally any of them could leave for hours without facing too much questioning. 

He tries not to, but the problem is that Ponyboy never thinks, no matter how much Darry tries to get him to. He’d mouth off to a Soc because he just didn’t notice they had a knife, or walk home all alone at night without realising he was holding a neon sign that said “jump me”. Honestly, even being run over because he didn’t bother to look both ways is an option at this point. 

“We didn’t get into any trouble,” Johnny says. Darry blinks at him. Pony and Johnny have just come back from the drive-in — they went alone this week — and Ponyboy’s gone to his room to get something to show Johnny, who’s wandered into the kitchen to talk to Darry. 

The last time the two of them talked alone must be at least a year ago. 

“Weren’t even any Socs nearby. All in their cars.”

And without another word, Johnny walks out of the kitchen as Ponyboy comes storming back into the living room.

…

“Kicked out again?”

“Got mad at me for bein’ away too much and decided to kick me out.”

“Huh.”

“I saw y’all didn't have any tomatoes so I picked some up on the way. Got a discount, too.”

“Yeah?”

Steve wiggles his fingers. “Five finger discount.”

…

Darrel Shaynne Curtis is defying all the laws of physics and biology because he is utterly dead inside and yet somehow still walking. If he has to take another step his joints will fall apart like rusty gears on an old clock. 

And for some reason his house has to be full of fucking people. 

People he loves, but people nonetheless. 

Annoying people. Loud people. People who apparently do not know the definition of shutting the fuck up. 

No amount of affection for the gang can stop Darry from crossing the line into homicidal if one more person screams across the room for something completely unnecessary. 

“Hey, Superman.” Dally says with a light smirk as he sinks into the couch next to Darry. 

Darry looks up and nods. 

“How ya doin’?” Now here’s the part where Darry’s supposed to say “meh” or “as good as I can be, I guess” or something along those lines. Or he should at least shrug. 

All of that requires energy, though, energy that Darry does not have, so he just hums. 

“Yeah, I get that.” 

Dally stays next to him, quiet and thoughtful for a moment. 

“Hey, y’all wanna go to the drag races?” 

Dally’s question is met with a chorus of whoops that make Darry’s head throb, and in a matter of minutes, the whole gang’s out the door.  

Dallas walks out the door, then strays back in just before the door closes. He turns the lights off and Darry sighs in relief, the pressure finally gone from his eyes. 

He stops again just before stepping out the door and turns back towards Darry.  

“There’s still some cake left in the freezer, I saved ya a couple slices of bread, and Two-Bit left a bit of peanut butter in the jar.”

Darry musters a soft “thanks”, and Dally nods. 

The door closes with a soft click.

…

“Darry!” Darry raises his eyebrows. He’s just closed the door behind him, work boots still on, and Ponyboy’s running towards him with a grin on his face. 

“Why’re you so happy to see me?”

“I finished it!” Darry blinks at him once. Twice.

“What’d you finish?”

“The drawing!”

Ponyboy holds out his notebook, and right there, in the middle of the page, is Darry. He’s made the kitchen doorway vaguely in the background, but it’s in black and white while Darry is in colour. 

And it’s— well, it’s impressive to say the least. Darry knew that Ponyboy liked to draw — always had his notebook out when he got bored of talking to people, sketching something he wouldn’t let anyone see —, but he didn’t know he could draw well. He always assumed it was like when he used to draw as a kid, only he didn’t want to show them anymore.

“This is…” Darry can’t seem to finish the sentence. He looks up and meets Pony’s eyes. “You made it?” Ponyboy nods, excited. “I— Can you show me whenever you draw stuff? In the future?”

Ponyboy’s eyes seem to almost glow. “Yeah, sure.” 

…

“Ponyboy’s gonna tell you he fell down the stairs today, but Justin Lawson pushed him.” Johnny hesitates for a second. “Second one in the phone book, the first one’s a priest.”

“Right. Thanks.” 

…

“How’d ya know I wanted to be alone?”

Dallas cocks an eyebrow. “You ain’t the first.”

…

“Hey, Superman,” Two-Bit says with a grin as he pointedly closes the door behind him. 

“Hey, Two.” The smile that comes with the greeting is second nature, but Darry’s not entirely sure whether that’s from genuine happiness or getting used to pretending he’s okay. 

“How’s it goin’?” He pulls out a chair and sits down in it backwards, arms resting on the backrest. 

Darry sighs with a sarcastic smile, gesturing at the pile of bills in front of him. 

“It that time again?”

“Was that time last week.”

Two-Bit whistles low. “You got enough?”

“Hope so.”

“Well, if you ain’t… I don’t got money I can give you. Sure someone’s got some, though.” He starts looking around, as if he would find someone to jump for money inside the Curtises' house.

“It’s fine, Two. Don’t worry about it.” Maybe Darry’s smile is wearing a bit thin or the exhaustion is clear on his face, because Two-Bit drops it. 

“Alright.” He looks down, dejected, before lighting up again and looking at Darry, all excited again. “Guess what I found at the store today?”

Darry just raises his eyebrows — a form of rebellion, at this point, considering how the whole gang’s started copying Two-Bit and raising just the one — and tilts his head. 

Two-Bit pulls a plastic bag out from behind his chair — how it got there, don’t ask Darry — and grins at Darry. “Lookit what I got.”

It’s a bag of Lay’s, something Darry and Two-Bit had worked together to swipe dozens of times to fuel Darry’s unhealthy obsession, only —

“They make ‘em in barbecue now. Figured we might as well try ‘em out.”

“Yeah?” Darry grins, and this time it’s genuine. 

Before he can get another word out, Two-Bit’s fist comes flying down onto the bag and makes a sound so loud that if he weren’t watching it happen, Darry’d think a gun had fired.  

At least five chips have gone flying, slamming against the wall, and Darry just knows it’s going to be an absolute pain to clean up. 

Then he makes eye contact with Two-Bit and they burst into uncontrollable, stupid laughter. It’s only once they sober up after a couple minutes that Darry realises just how long it’s been since he’s laughed like that. 

…

“What’re you drawing?”

Ponyboy moves aside to show him it. 

“Oh.”

“Don’t wanna forget him.”

…

“I was talkin’ ta Susie the other day an’ she told me there’s this girl in her class that’ll draw ya stuff if ya pay her, and she cost me extra ‘cause she was scared of her mama findin’ out, but tell me this ain’t worth every penny!”

…

“I hate you!” Ponyboy screams as he storms off into his room. Darry just stares after him, frozen in place.

He doesn’t mean it he doesn’t mean it he doesn’t mean it—

But what if he does?

Love’s in the little things, the little things that add up—

But this feels too big, it’s too much to be just a little setback. Because the little things add up but they also subtract and if you put enough of them together—

There’s a soft knock on the door. Darry sits up from where he’d been in starfish position.

“Yeah?”

The door slowly creaks open. A small figure stands behind it.

“Darry?” Ponyboy stands in the doorway, grabbing onto the frame and avoiding eye contact.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come in?” 

Darry crosses his legs and sits up straighter, fully waking up. “Yeah, sure, baby.”

Ponyboy walks in and sits on the edge of Darry’s bed, looking down at the sheets instead of at him. 

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, tugging at the ends of his hair. It’s getting too long, but he refuses to cut the bleach out of it and Darry doesn’t have it in him to force him to. 

“It’s fine,” Darry says on instinct.

“No, it— it really ain’t. We’re not supposed to fight anymore. We’re not supposed to holler at each other and go to sleep mad. But we do it anyway, and it’s like nothing’s changed since—” He can’t finish the sentence, but he doesn’t really need to. 

“Ponyboy…” Darry trails off. What is there to say? Mama would know what to do, she would know what to say so Ponyboy knew that there was a part of Darry’s soul intrinsically tied to his, following him around no matter how far he wandered. 

But Darry doesn’t know how to talk; he hardly knows how to feel. 

Ponyboy looks away from him and stays quiet for a couple moments, playing with the loose strings on Darry’s sheets. 

“Darry?” He looks up.

“Yeah, honey?”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

Darry frowns. “‘Course.”

“And you promise you won’t be mad?” 

“Yeah.”

Ponyboy looks up to catch sight of Darry before his eyes dart away again. 

“Sometimes I— Sometimes I’m scared you don’t love me.” He lets the sentence hang for a couple seconds, lets it fester in the air and seep through Darry’s skin. “I ain’t sayin’ you don’t wanna keep me or that ya don’t care, but I just— I don’t know. Are ya doin’ it all ‘cause you think you should?”

He looks up again — furtive, small, scared — and looks back down at the sheets.  

“God, Pony,” Darry says softly, “‘Course I love ya. Just ‘cause we fight don’t mean nothing.” Ponyboy still won’t meet his eyes. With every second that goes by, the crack in Darry’s heart grows a bit wider. “C’mere.” He pats the spot beside him. 

Ponyboy looks up in surprise. He gets up tentatively and walks over to the other side of the bed, where Darry’s sitting. The moment he’s sat down, Darry wraps an arm around his shoulders and pulls Ponyboy towards him. Ponyboy tenses, and for a moment Darry’s sure he’s made a mistake, that this wasn’t what he needed, before he slowly relaxes, his face burrows into Darry’s shoulder — Jesus he’s tall now, he used to barely reach his chest — and he hugs Darry back like he needs it for the first time in… far too long. 

“Love ain’t always pretty, Pony,” Darry whispers into his hair, “It ain’t always perfect and happy and nice, but it’s there. S’why there’s always Pepsi in the fridge and why I always ask where you’re goin’ when you start runnin’ out the door and why Soda and me listen to you talk about your books.” Ponyboy laughs softly, muffled by Darry’s shoulder, and Darry smiles — proud, fond, relieved. “Love ain’t in some big moment, it’s in the little things, so sometimes it can be easy to miss. But it’s there, I promise.” Darry forces himself to pull Ponyboy away from him and take him by the shoulders so they can meet eyes. “It’ll always be there, alright?”

Did I get it right, Mama?

[nephilimeq]

Nobody Knows Me Like You

Prompt: Valentine's Day

@bucktommyfluffebruary

A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62721625/chapters/161567005

“Okay, this is getting ridiculous,” Howie muttered as Tommy swept past him to put his phone in front of Maddie, showing her the blender he’d found, saying, “So this is what I was thinking about, but I’m still not sure if Evan will like it,” feeling a flicker of apprehension as he tried to figure out what to buy for his boyfriend for Valentine’s Day.

Oddly enough, it was their first one. They had been together for six months and then had broken up for a few months—during which had been over Christmas and Valentine’s—which meant that they were celebrating together for the first time, and he had never been more nervous in his life. He had to find Evan something perfect. It needed to say that he knew him, loved him, and wanted to show him that he was planning on keeping him in his life for as long as he could…

…but without buying him a ring.

At least, not yet.

“It’s…nice,” Maddie said, sipping at her tea, and Tommy groaned and dropped his head to the counter with his arms out in front of him, holding onto his phone rather pathetically.

“Ugh, I’m gonna end up not getting anything for him at this rate,” he muttered. “Valentine’s day is in four days, and I still don’t have anything for him! Flowers and chocolate are too cliche. Jewelry is too much, a stuffed animal is too childish,” he began to list. “Clothes are too impersonal, a mixed tape or cd is too juvenile, fixing his car is something I would do anyway, and something handmade from me is like a 911 call just waiting to happen.”

At that, Howie laughed and interjected, “God, you’re pathetic! Look, you wanna know what to get him? I’ll tell you, but you’ll owe me…”

Tommy looked at his friend and simply let out a long sigh.

“You know what, I don’t care what I have to owe you, just help me…please.”

He knew he looked and sounded pathetic, but the airman no longer cared about saving face—all he cared about was getting Evan something that would make him happy. And if that meant owing one of his best friends an unknown favor, then so be it.

Howie then gave him an unnerving grin and said, “You’re gonna love this…”

--

Buck was scrambling. It was only three days before his first time celebrating Valentine’s Day with his boyfriend and he was terrified he was about to fuck it all up.

“I’m telling you, Eddie, I don’t know what to do!” he whined, and his friend rolled his eyes and said, “It’s just Valentine’s, man! It’s a commercialized holiday! I mean, sure, I’m a romantic at heart, but I’m also a pragmatist, and so is Tommy. He won’t take it personally if you don’t get him the ‘perfect’ gift, you know.”

He stared at his friend, trying to figure out why Eddie was being so blasé about the entire thing.

Buck was at his wit’s end trying to figure out what to get Tommy.

Helping Eddie with the hose, he explained, “Look, you need to understand that the two of us are celebrating our first Valentine’s Day together, despite us already living together, so it feels really different, you know? Instead of the low stakes of a first Valentine’s like most couples get to have, it’s more than that because we’ve been through so much already and we’re living together!” He tugged the last bit of the hose with a bit more force than necessary to emphasize his point. “Do you get that?”

“Okay, yeah, I kinda see your side of this,” his friend conceded…but then he added, “But at the same time, is there even a real reason to worry all that much? I mean, because you’ve been through so much together, you know you love each other, and so anything you can think of will surely be enough…”

Ugh. He hated it when Eddie made a good point.

He rolled his eyes and followed him into the rig, the warehouse fire put out behind them—and then had to deal with Chim and Hen attempting to give him advice on the way back, and he regretted ever opening his mouth.

“If you wanna get him something special, you could always go for some new cleaning supplies for his car,” Hen suggested, and Buck glared at her and replied, “It’s Valentine’s Day, not a random Saturday afternoon, Hen. That’s really the best you can come up with?”, which earned him a hard glare and Chimney suggesting, “What about a gift certificate to one of his favorite restaurants?”, which wasn’t a bad idea, per se, but it also felt a bit cheap considering he could probably cook him a better meal at home.

Deciding to incur the ire of another friend, however, he said, “Eh, maybe,” and decided to drop it.

--

Tommy stared at the wall of chocolate in front of him, wondering what Evan would like the most, feeling a rush of insecurity as he tried to decide between four different types of dark chocolate, feeling like a cheapskate because he genuinely couldn’t think of anything else.

Howie had told him what to get Evan—and he’d bought it—but it still didn’t feel like enough.

Actually, he wondered if his friend was pulling his leg because what he’d bought him had been far too simple and easy (though not something he would have thought of on his own), and so there the airman stood in the middle of the aisle of some fancy chocolatier shop in downtown L.A. that he had heard about through Sal’s wife, Maria. He had complained enough to Sal, that he had apparently complained to his wife, and she had called him earlier that day while on shift and told him about the place.

He stared down at the 72% dark chocolate bars, the aisle split up by percentages, and debated which flavor Evan would like the best.

The ones with chile and lime definitely seemed like something he would like…but then there was the blood orange, the blackberry medley, and the chicory, too…

…and Tommy finally snapped and got one of each, wincing as he thought of how much it was going to cost him. Four chocolate bars from this place was the equivalent of almost three quarters of a tank of gas and seemed wasteful—but he knew that Evan would at least appreciate the gesture, if nothing else.

“This better be worth it,” he muttered under his breath as he made his way to the register.

A minute later he was done, and he let out a sigh of relief as he got back into his truck and then headed back home. It was odd to go out and do things without his boyfriend now that they lived together, and he felt a faint tugging in his chest at the thought that he now had someone to come home to—though not at the moment, as Evan was still on shift and wouldn’t be home for a couple of hours, which gave him just enough time to wrap the chocolate bars and hide them away.

The second he walked through the front door, however, his phone rang.

“Hello?” he said, tucking the phone between his cheek and shoulder as he locked the door behind him, and a voice said, “Hey, Tommy. Have you already bought Buck his Valentine’s Day present?”

Eddie.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, he answered, “Yes, I have. Now, why are you really calling me?” as he shuffled the items around in his hands so he could talk to him without dropping anything, already moving towards the closet where he kept the gift wrapping, and his friend replied, “Your boyfriend is panicking. Doesn’t know what to get you, so he’s been asking all of us for ideas, and I think he’s still sorta…you know…freaking out in the way that only Buck can freak out…”

Of course, he was, he thought to himself, feeling a flicker of concern over his boyfriend’s state of mind, wishing he wouldn’t worry so much. Tommy honestly didn’t want anything, he just wanted to spend the day with Evan and enjoy the fact that they had each other.

“Of course, he is. What else would he be doing?” he said, putting a pink and red bag onto the counter and pulling out a random pile of white tissue paper, automatically wrapping as he continued to talk on the phone.

Eddie chuckled.

“Yeah, you know Buck—but at the same time, it’s kinda cute seeing him all worked up about what to get you. So, I’m biting the bullet and asking: what do you want?” he pressed, and Tommy could hear in his tone that he was being serious and was trying to do his friend a solid…and he felt rather useless as he admitted, “I just want to spend the day with him. Wrap him up in my arms and forget the world for a while, you know?”

There was a long pause, and he was suddenly afraid he had said too much.

…but then Eddie said, “Yeah, I get that, but still: what do you want?”

--

“Okay, you’re sure this is the right thing to get him?” Buck asked, shooting a glance at Eddie over his shoulder as they stood in front of the array of flowers in the flower shop, and his friend let out an exasperated sigh and rolled his head on his shoulders.

“For the hundredth time, yes! Now, will you just pick one so we can go? Also, why am I here for this?” he said as he reached out and looked closely at one of the tags on a bundle of roses, shaking his head.

Buck gave his friend a look.

“You’re here for this because you said you’d help me with Tommy’s gift. Now—roses or carnations?”

Eddie shook his head and said, “Neither. Both are overrated and Tommy would want something…different,” and Buck felt his irritation rise even further than before, the urge to turn around and punch him rising with every passing moment. “I mean, think about his favorite color—he goes for blue a lot, you know? So maybe something like…these,” he said, reaching for some blue flowers that shimmered enticingly, and Buck read the label, which said delphinium elatum.

“Blue? Really? But…it’s Valentine’s Day. I kinda feel like I should go for something pink or red, or even white, you know?” he hedged, still glancing over at the roses—and then was taken off guard when his friend suddenly bit out, “God, why are you so dense? He likes blue flowers because they remind him of your eyes! Fuck!”

Wait…what?

He felt an odd sensation on the back of his neck as he put things together, and he said, “Hold on, have you…Eddie, have you been talking with Tommy?” and his friend nodded.

“Yeah, yeah, I have, and can I just say that he has the patience of a saint putting up with you? I mean, my god! You have two days before Valentine’s Day and you’re freaking out over-over-over flowers, Buck!” he exclaimed, spreading his arms wide and causing a scene in the middle of the flower shop. “Do you have any idea how in love with you Tommy is? That man would be happy if you just showed up! I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so ridiculously in love as you two! You don’t need to do anything except show up!” he repeated, looking borderline pissed.

Buck shrunk in on himself slightly, once more feeling like the insecure eighteen-year-old who had run way from home, feeling equal parts chastened and grateful. While it hadn’t been the best way to say it, he could hear what Eddie was trying to tell him: that Tommy didn’t care what he got him because he loved him more than anything else.

“I think I’ll get the delphiniums,” he finally said with a grin, clapping Eddie on the shoulder.

“Oh, thank god. Can we go, now?”

Buck laughed and nodded and added, “Yeah, we can go. And thanks for putting up with me,” and Eddie snorted and shook his head and quipped, “Yeah, well, someone has to.”

--

It was Valentine’s Day and Tommy was putting the finishing touches on the present that he’d purchased, feeling a frisson of nerves at the thought of Evan not liking it—even though Howie had told him probably about a hundred times that his boyfriend would love it.

He stared at the ribbon that he’d tied around it, remembering the ribbon he’d put on the oven before he had surprised Evan with it.

“You’ve got this,” he muttered to himself in a pathetic attempt at a pep-talk. “You’ve got this…”

He moved over to the mirror and checked himself over, making sure he looked presentable as he listened to his boyfriend in the bathroom finishing getting ready. They were going out to dinner and so he had put on his black suit with a white button up underneath, not bothering with the tie. Evan had told him the last time that he had worn a suit that it had been the hottest thing he had ever seen, so he was indulging him and making sure that the evening would be a memorable one.

He had made reservations at a small place that he knew Evan had been wanting to try for a while.

…and just as he thought about possibly changing his jacket, Evan emerged from the bathroom fully dressed in his own charcoal suit with a deep red shirt that made his eyes pop, curls looking fresh, and he let out a low whistle and said, “Look at you, babe…damn. I can see that look in your eyes, don’t even think about changing! Those pants are awesome for your ass and that suit jacket makes you look good enough to eat…”

Tommy chuckled and turned and reached out to his boyfriend, pulling him in.

“Good to know. Speaking of eating, you ready to go?”

Evan nodded, his blue eyes sparkling, and the airman knew that it didn’t matter what he gave him, he was happy enough to have him in his life. Evan could give him the worst present in the world, and it wouldn’t have mattered—because he had him.

Smiling, he said, “Good, let’s go,” and quickly ushered him down the stairs and through the front door, present tucked inside his jacket.

His boyfriend had already greeted him with flowers when he’d come home, blue delphiniums that were the exact same shade as his eyes, and it was easily already the most romantic present that he’d ever been given, and he had told him that—and continued to tell him that as he drove them to the restaurant.

“Seriously, Evan. Those flowers are the most beautiful things I’ve ever received,” he repeated one last time as they dropped off the truck with the valet, and Evan rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, you’ve said that, like, ten times now.”

“So?”

He rolled his eyes a second time and drawled, “Sooo…can we please move past it? I just wanna have a romantic dinner with my boyfriend and talk about something stupid for the next couple of hours,” he said as he tugged at his hand, pulling him into the restaurant, and Tommy smiled indulgently at him and nodded and said, “Okay, sure. That sounds good to me,” and let him lead him into the restaurant, loving it when Evan took charge and said, “Two for Kinard,” and he felt his stomach flip at the thought of him having his last name one day.

Someday soon, he hoped.

--

Buck grinned as he made his way to their table, holding his boyfriend’s hand the entire way, feeling a giddiness about being out on Valentine’s Day with him. They had celebrated a few holidays as a couple, but Valentine’s Day was different from the rest—and they both knew it.

Actually, it was the first time he had ever been in a relationship during the holiday, and it made him feel an excitement he’d never felt before.

“And here’s your table,” the waiter said, and he nodded his thanks, and they sat down across from each other, a candle on the table.

Buck admired his boyfriend as he sat across from him, barely keeping himself in check. Tommy looked damn good every other day of the week, good enough that both men and women regularly hit on him…but right now?

Goddamn, he was barely keeping himself in check.

Tommy looked like pure sin sitting there in a pristine white button up that had the first few buttons undone, exposing the long column of his throat, and as he glanced down at the menu, Buck was completely distracted by the way the angle of the older man’s collar emphasized the sharp jut of his jawline and the exquisite cut of his cheekbones, his steel blue eyes glowing in the candlelight that lit the table between them, his black suit coat a stark contrast to his shirt.

Fuck, he wanted to jump him right then and there.

Marshalling what little control he had, he said, “So, uh…the appetizers look good, don’t they?” even though he hadn’t even glanced at the menu, the weight of it heavy in his hands as he kept on drinking in the sight of the man in front of him.

“Evan, you haven’t even looked at the menu,” Tommy said without even glancing up at him, and he nervously laughed.

“Yeah, yeah…good point.”

He looked down at the tiny font and pretended to scan it for a moment…but then looked back up and leaned in and whispered, “You look so damn good right now, I can barely concentrate, so is it alright if you just order for us?” and smiled when Tommy snorted and shook his head and said, “Oh, you are adorable…but, no,” and finally looked up at him. “If you let me order, I will purposely get you something you don’t like just to teach you a lesson, but I don’t want to do that because it’s Valentine’s Day, so please—please—just look at the damn menu.”

Buck slowly smiled and nodded and then actually took a good long look at the menu, his eyes alighting quickly on two things that he knew he would enjoy without having to deal with any unexpected surprises, and by the time the waitress came back to them, they both put in their meal orders, along with their drinks, and then he settled back in his chair and began to trace a finger around the edge of his water glass as he admired his boyfriend one more time.

“You really do look gorgeous tonight,” he said, thrilled when he saw a faint pink tinge in the other man’s cheeks.

“And you seem determined to make me make a fool of myself tonight. What about you, Mister Buckley?” he retorted, giving him an appreciative look over the edge of his water glass. “You are cutting a fine figure in that gray suit of yours…”

“It’s charcoal.”

Tommy arched an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, my bad.”

They shared a look…and then both broke out into giggles, and as they did, Buck felt Tommy’s real present burning a hole in his pocket and decided that he couldn’t wait until the end of the meal and quickly pulled it out and slid the slim box across the table and said, “I can’t wait until later. Here. This is for you.”

--

Tommy stared at the slim black box Evan had just pushed towards him, beautifully tied with a deep red ribbon into a slightly asymmetrical bow that felt delightfully ‘Evan’.

Curious enough to not ask him why he wanted to exchange gifts right at that moment, he simply nodded, and pulled the box towards him, gently tugging on one of the ribbons before lifting the lid…and then let out a soft gasp at the sight that greeted him.

Resting in a deep red velvet that matched the ribbon was a beautiful watch that he immediately recognized.

“Is that…Evan. How on earth did you…? How…?” was all he was able to get out as he gently removed it from its velvet cushion and brought it closer to the light of the candle so that he could admire the craftsmanship of it—as well as confirm that it was what he thought it was. “This…this is a Bell & Ross BR-03. This…is…it’s a work of art! How did you even afford this?” he found himself asking, hating that that was the first question he could think of, wincing at how it sounded.

But before he could correct himself, Evan was grinning and saying, “I, uh, I found a widow in the area who was selling her husband’s watches—he used to be a pilot—and saw she had one that looked exactly like one of the ones you showed me a couple months ago that you were saving up for, so I…I haggled with her a bit and I got it. You…you really like it?”

He shot him a look.

“Evan, I love it. It’s perfect,” the airman declared as he slid up both the sleeve of his coat and his shirt to put the watch on immediately.

He kept on glancing down at it and then back up at Evan, trying to understand how he had gotten so damn lucky to have a boyfriend like him. The watch was literally the most perfect thing that anyone had ever gotten him—everything down to even the material of the wrist band was exactly what he wanted.

“Yeah, well…I hoped you’d like it,” his boyfriend added with a bashful smile. Fuck, he was perfect.

…and now Tommy couldn’t help but feel that his own gift paled in comparison (even though Howie had told him several times over already that it was perfect).

Still, he managed to marshal his courage and pulled out a similar box from his own suit jacket and cautiously slid it across the table, his heart pounding in his chest as he watched Evan carefully untie the pink ribbon he had used…

…and his heart stopped when he lifted the lid.

“Tommy…”

The silence stretched. Oh, god. Was that good? Or bad?

“You got me a behind-the-scenes tour of Aquarium of the Pacific?!” he practically shouted, and he watched as his boyfriend nearly stood from his chair—but then suddenly remember that they were in a public place and stayed sitting, his gaze glued to the tickets in his hand, eyes wide as he pulled out the folded piece of paper underneath it that explained what all he would be seeing and when it was taking place (in exactly one month).

He quickly scanned it and then said excitedly, “Oh my god, this isn’t just a tour, this-this-this is a full private showing with their head trainer and their head researcher that works with the National Wildlife Foundation! Oh my god, Tommy…” He lifted his eyes back to his, and for a brief moment he swore he could see twelve-year-old Evan Buckley sitting in front of him. “…this is literally the best gift that anyone has ever given me in my life. Ever,” he repeated emphatically, reaching across the table with his free hand to grab at his own, their fingers tightening almost painfully. “How...how did…how did you know?? I’ve, I’ve never told anyone…wait. You talked to Chimney, didn’t you?” he accused, and Tommy nodded.

“Yeah, I talked to Howie. And apparently I now owe him one. Or two. Honestly, I don’t know what I owe him at this point,” he said, shaking his head and reaching for his water with his free hand. “But apparently it was the right call…”

They exchanged a look.

And then his boyfriend said, “This is gonna be hard to top. What are we gonna do next year?”

Get married, he thought to himself…but out loud he said just as Evan took a sip of his water, “Hole up in a hotel for two days and fuck each other silly, of course,” grinning when the younger firefighter coughed and nearly choked on his water, thrilled that he’d managed to garner such a reaction.

“That…that’s not a bad idea.”

Tommy shrugged and said, “Yeah, I occasionally have good ones from time to time, it’s been known to happen,” and right as he said that, their food arrived and they shared a quick grin and began to eat, tangling their feet together under the table as they did so, and the airman relished the intimacy and closeness, feeling like he had finally found the person who knew him inside and out, in every sense of the word, and made the mental note to start looking for rings.

God, he couldn’t wait to be married to that man.

--

Buck noticed his boyfriend giving him a dopey smile and asked, “What’s that smile for?” and he just shook his head.

“Nothing. Just…thinking about how much I love you.”

He suspected that wasn’t the entire truth…but he was okay with not knowing what he was really thinking. Hell, this was probably the most perfect night that he had ever experienced in his life, and he didn’t want to ruin it by pushing anything too hard. Besides, Tommy would tell him if something was really on his mind.

They finished dinner fairly quickly—and then Buck was thrilled when Tommy ordered them both dessert in fluent French, something that sounded decadent and sinfully good.

“Fuck, it’s hot when you pull out the French,” he said, unable to help himself, curling his ankle around the back of his, and his boyfriend gave him a look.

“Hot, huh? Want me to start using it in the bedroom? I can start calling you mon petit garçon,” he said as he smirked at him, and Buck felt his stomach flip and he knew that his eyes had dilated, and he tried his best to glare at him.

“Don’t…don’t do that. Not here.”

Tommy chuckled, the sound low, warm, and promising, and he felt it as if his boyfriend had just run his stubbled jaw along the inside of his thighs, the tone of his voice having the same effect on him, even from a distance, and he shifted in his chair to try and hide the effect that it was having on him. As he moved, however, his boyfriend shot him a knowing look, and Buck knew that he knew the effect he was having on him.

Smug bastard, he thought to himself.

Still reeling from the present Tommy had given him, he said one last time, “Seriously, this gift, it’s really…it’s really the most amazing thing anyone has ever gotten me,” and reached out for his hand across the table, feeling a sense of relief when his boyfriend squeezed his fingers and gave him a soft smile.

“I’m really glad you like it, Ev.”

He looked like he was about to say something else—but then dessert arrived, and Buck stared at the chocolate concoction that was placed on the table between them with two spoons and he marveled at it for a moment before saying, “Okay, now this…this looks like the best thing I’ve never had. What is this?”

“It’s called gâteau royal,” Tommy explained as he dug his spoon into it. “It’s made from almond meringue, praline feuilletine, and the top layer is dark chocolate mousse. It’s also sometimes called a Trianon because it has three layers…”

Buck took a bit and moaned at the rich flavor that exploded across his tongue.

Tommy shot him a look, one eyebrow raised.

“Evan…save those sounds for later.”

He smirked.

Yeah, this was the best Valentine’s Day ever.

[measuredingold]

with you, anywhere will be my home

author’s note: hiiiiiiiii. it’s been a minute, huh ? i’ve honestly been sitting on this for 2 weeks 😅 but happy i’m able to finally get this out for yall ! think of it as a v-day treat 🥰 i love this universe i built with folio and reader and have so many ideas for them lol as always, please enjoy and feedback is appreciated ! and requests are open btw, i’m in a rut and am not sure what people wanna read :) title a translated lyric from bts’ song home

pairing: nick folio x reader

word count: 2.2k

cross posted on ao3

cw/tw: miscommunication 🤥, fluff fluff fluffffff, first time saying i love you, nick is so smitten with reader it makes me sick, 18+ minors do not interact

It's almost a no brainer when Nick decides to ask you to move in.

It makes perfect sense. You're always together when he's home, switching between one place or the other, and it just makes a lot more sense than having your own separate spaces. He doesn't want to be separate anymore. He wants to know that when he's coming back from tour he's coming home to you, in a space you both share and make your own.

There's only one hiccup to this no brainer decision - he hasn’t even said I love you yet. Neither have you.

It's only been 9 months. Not a full year yet, but Nick thinks by month one he was fully in love with you. He might've been from the jump. You were the only person he thought about, the only person he yearned for. Which is crazy to think, because Nick's sure he's never yearned for a single person a day in his life. But it's different when it comes to you.

You're who he sees when he thinks about the future. When he plans out the rest of his life, coming up with every single possibility that could happen between now and then, you somehow manage to be in every single scenario. At first it was jarring, you popping up into his future daydreams, but now it's comforting.

If you asked him right now to spend the rest of his life with you, he'd say yes before you even finished your sentence.

So why hasn't he said it yet? Hell if he knows.

It's not that he doesn't think you love him because deep down he knows you do. Can see it in the way you look at him, in the way you smile, in the small gestures that you make. He stares at you just the same, smile way too big that it hurts his fucking face, and those same small gestures.

You love him the way he loves you.

Which is why he's decided that when he asks you to move in with him, he's just going to say it. No more silent looks and shared smiles when saying goodbye. Nick doesn't think he can go another day without telling you that he loves you. It's corny, but he needs you and just about everyone in a hundred mile radius to know immediately.

So, he'll tell you tomorrow. Easy.

...

Not easy.

Nick never thought he was much of the anxious type, yet here he was pacing outside your front door. He felt hot, hands clammy as he stared at the only thing separating the two of you. He has a key. He can let himself in. Yet, he can't seem to get himself to do it.

Because he knows once he goes in, there's no going back.

He isn't scared of your rejection because he knows that's not the likely outcome. He knows you love him. He thinks he may be a bit scared of what comes next. This is probably the most serious relationship he's ever been in, and he doesn't want to fuck that up. He doesn't think that he would, intentionally at least, but the what if of a hypothetical fuck up has been eating at him for hours.

His eyes flutter shut as he takes in a long deep breath before he finally braves unlocking your door.

His hand shakes as he twists the handle and he mentally swears at himself to fucking calm down, it’s just you, everything’s fine, but when he finally sees you, it’s like the world stops for just a moment. You look up at Nick from your couch, book in your lap, and the smile that spreads across your face makes Nick relax for maybe a split second.

"Hey baby."

"Hi."

He doesn't move, just stares at you from where he's standing, and your expression turns from happy to amused, arms crossing over your chest.

"Babe?"

He blinks. "Yeah?"

"...Whatcha' doin?"

"Um." His face burns at the sound of your giggle at his unusual behavior, but truthfully he doesn't know how to act right now. "Standin'."

"Oh yeah?" You arch a brow at him, more laughter escaping. "Why don't you quit standin' and come sit with me? I missed you."

He'd been gone a few days, out in California to put down some tracks for the new album. He'd just gotten home the day before when he decided he was going to ask you to move in with him because he couldn't stand coming back to an empty home. Nick blinks at you again before he smiles, warmth spreading across his chest as he looks at you seated on the couch.

This is what he wanted to come home to. He wanted to come home after a tour, or after a few weeks in California laying down some drums, to you reading your book on the couch.

"It was only a few days." He hums out and makes his way towards you, flopping himself down beside you.

"I always miss you when you're gone." You shrug before pouting at him. "Did you not miss me?"

His heart speeds up, pounding against his chest and he immediately shakes his head. "I wasn't saying that I didn't-"

"I was just messing with you," You cut him off with a laugh, face softening as you looked at him. "What's goin' on? You're acting weird."

Nick chews on his bottom lip before moving his gaze to the muted television, shoulders going up into a shrug. " 'm not acting weird."

"Yes, you are."

Okay. He is. He knows it and he knows you know it, but he just isn't sure what to say. How do people bring this up? Hey, I'm in love with you. Let's live together. It seems easy enough to say in his head but the second he gazes at you again, his words fall short.

So much for easy.

"I..." Nick starts and then sighs, sliding a hand down his face. "You ever have something to say, but just don't know how to say it? In my head it's so easy but every time I try to get the words out, I lose everything I even wanted to say."

Your face softens. "What happened?"

"What?"

"Something happened when you were gone." Your eyes narrow. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened." He mumbles out, eyeing you for a moment. "I just... realized something, but I don't know how to tell you."

"Oh."

For some reason, the detached tone in your voice makes his stomach turn. You shift on the couch, moving your eyes away from him as you look to the side. It's silent between the two of you now and Nick hates it. It's never felt this awkward before. Uncomfortable. He fucking hates it.

"Babe-"

You cut him off. "...Did I do something?"

"No." He's quick with his response, shaking his head quickly. "Fuck. No, you didn't do anything."

His stomach turns at the way you don't respond and wrap your arms around yourself, your arms being some form of protection. From him. Fuck. That's definitely not what he wanted to do. He shakes his head again, eyes pleading as he reaches out for you.

"You didn't do anything."

"Well, it sure feels like I did." You laugh, strained, and Nick swallows down whatever lump was building in his throat. "This feels awfully like a break-up, Nick."

"What?" His voice comes out a lot louder than he expected, and he hates the way his heart breaks beneath his chest at the sad look you finally give him. "I am not breaking up with you. That is not what's happening."

"Then what's happening, Nick?" You whine out, lips dipping into a frown. "You're being weird and saying you have something to tell me but don't know how to tell me. That sounds a lot like I want to break up with you, but I don't know how to tell you."

Nick pauses for a moment, eyes scanning over your face before he breathes out a quiet "Fuck," and shuts his eyes.

He messed up - majorly.

All he had to do was just fucking tell you that he loved you and this would've been all avoided, but instead he had to go and do whatever the fuck this was.

"Babe, listen to me." His eyes open to find you still staring at him, your frown somehow much deeper than it was moments ago. He hesitantly reaches out, silently asking if it was alright to touch you. You nod. He's gentle when he slips your arms away from yourself, finally able to slide his fingers in between yours. "This... I'm not breaking up with you, okay? I'd be fucking crazy to do that."

You don't say anything, just stare at him with that same sad look. He sighs.

"What I realized is that like," He pauses, searching his brain for the right words. "I like coming home to you. After a short tour, or a long one, it feels... good to know that once I'm off that plane, I'm coming back to you."

Your eyes soften momentarily. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He smiles, small and a bit timid, and continues. "Then it made me realize that I'd really love to have a place to call home, you know? Instead of doing all this back and forth. It's fine if that's what you want to keep doing, but I think I'd really like to have a home... with you."

The silence ringing between you two makes his stomach turn. You stare at him, wide eyed and mouth open and the nerves from before come back because he thinks he may have fucked up, but then your hand squeezes his. He can see the tears welling in your eyes now and he watches you blink them away.

"...With me?"

"Yeah?" He's nervous, not sure how to take your response. "If that's okay? Like I said, we can keep doing what we've been doing. Back and forth between here and my place if that's what you want, I don't mind-"

His words are cut off by your lips, a bruising kiss suffocating whatever he wanted to say. His eyes widen for a moment before they flutter shut and he finally kisses back, before chuckling softly against your lips. You sniffle.

"Are you telling me you want to move-in together?"

Nick notices the first tear that falls when he pulls back, reaching a hand up and brushing it away with his thumb. His timid smile grows at the feeling of you nuzzling into his touch.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm telling you."

"Are you sure?" You actually sound nervous, staring at him with wide eyes as you asked.

"Of course I'm sure," He doesn't have to think twice, words falling from his lips with ease, "I love you. I want this, if you do."

It takes him a second to realize he had said it, and feels slightly embarrassed at the butterflies filling his stomach at how easy it was to say. His face flushes as your eyes widen more, lips parting as the weight of his words dawn on you.

"...You love me?"

His stomach turns again, and he nods slowly. "Yeah?"

"How long?"

"I think I loved you from the start." He replies sheepishly, cheeks burning at the wide smile you give him.

You blink away your tears again, leaning more into his palm that's still rested against your cheek. "I think I have, too."

Your words are soft, almost inaudible, but he hears it. His stomach turns and he can feel his heart pounding against his chest. His entire face burns and his ears are probably red, too, but fuck it. He doesn't care.

"Yeah?"

"Mhm." Your wide smile falls into something softer, much smaller, and he swears your eyes twinkle as you hum out, "I love you."

Nick doesn't know what to say besides smile at you, cheeks immediately hurting at how wide it's stretched across his face. "I love you, too."

"And I really want to live with you." You rush out. "I've been thinking about that too but I was worried I was moving too fast. Didn't want to scare you."

"Honey," He starts with a chuckle, "I think you could've asked me two weeks in and I would've straight up said you know what? Hell yeah."

You laugh, all thick with emotion and fucking beautiful that Nick can't help but lean in and press his lips against yours again. Your arms raise to wrap around your shoulders to bring him closer to you and he can't help but make a noise, a happy sound, and deepen the kiss. You pull away first this time, forehead resting against his.

"So, we're doing this?"

"Yeah. I think we are."

The two of you smile at each other in silence and Nick wishes nothing more than to bask in this moment a little longer. He doesn't know if he's ever felt happier. Knowing that you love him right back makes him feel things he wasn't sure he's ever felt before. It's in that moment, with the way you're staring at him like he hangs up the fucking moon and the stars, that he's going to ask you to marry him someday.

And it makes him feel damn good knowing that you'll say yes.

[rei-does-stuff]

EXTREMELY LONG Cream unicorn cookie thoughts bc i have brainrot

—

-Okay so this whole brainrot started when I thought abt an evil version of Cream Unicorn A corrupted/distorted version of their ideals would be interesting ESP SINCE THEYRE ALREADY A LIL FUCKED UP LIKE AGAIN THEY WANTED TO KIDNAP CHILDREN

And it would be rlly easy too, just make it so they don’t change their mind the only reason they let them leave is because they didn’t want them to be upset, making it so they don’t care about that fact and it isn’t about their wants its about them, THEY WANT THEM STAY and it doesn’t matter how much they cry or how upset they are they’re staying with them no matter what

-I like to think that Cream Unicorn cookie in canon is still a little fucked, and has those moments of not wanting people to leave them, and has to just physically stop themselves from acting on those selfish feelings,

They just put on the front that everything is fine and normal and that they’re fine and normal because they don’t wanna scare anyone

“They love it here, they love me so ergo they don’t wanna leave YIPPIEEE EVERYONE IS HAPPY” meanwhile the kids are like “I wanna go home to my parents” You could also do the coraline route where cream unicorn is like “IM your real parent now :) im the one who should be taking care of you”

-(Also I need more cream unicorn interactions that ARENT with their extremely sanitized version, bc theyre so interesting and I hate that its never brought up how fucked they are

Bc others interactions with that version of them would be so interesting

Bc kingdom!cream has no real sense of loneliness, or much beyond happy dreamer because they don’t wanna acknowledge that they were kinda fucked up which I get WHY but still :/)

-Them and Shadow Milk cookie would get along I feel mainly bc Shadow would see right through Cream’s facade and see that aren’t as innocent as they seem

I say they still held people hostage but still left after in hopes of finding cookies who could inhabit the amusement park, maybe more than those just pure of heart bc theyre desperate Again a coraline other mother situation where they lead cookies in with the promise of fun and happiness, and try to convince them to stay with them willingly, though not exactly telling them the whole truth,

Because its okay if they WANNA be trapped <33

-imagine shadow calls cream out for lying just for fun

Shadow seeing right through creamuni and cream unicorn desperately trying to cover everything up with more lies is soooo!!

Shadow: Y’know cookieland is supposed to be for the pure of heart only but you don’t seem pure of heart yourself, or does that rule not apply to you? :)))

cream unicorn cookie: You can’t hurt him in front of the children you can’t hurt him in front of the children you can’t—

-Also hc that dozer was just in cookieland the entire time he was gone and cream finally let him out and thats why theyre finally back in the spin off games

He gets into those fuck ass scenarios in that puzzle game and each time hes like “I SHOULD HAVE STAYED WITH THE UNICORN I SHOULD HAVE STAYED WITH THE FUCKING UNICORN—“

-“It is unclear how long Cream Unicorn Cookie has been alive, but they are potentially one of the oldest in the game.”

Thought.

Cream unicorn cookie being a sort eldritch creature, more of a concept than a real person, representing the happiness and memories of being a child, its why they are so old, its bc theyre ageless and cant rlly die, additionally maybe they knew most of the cookies from when they were children but when they grew up they couldn’t see them again and forgot about them

They’ve been there since the beginning but no one remembers them because they’re only a memory of childhood and that pure heart you had when you were a child fades as you age

-I don’t remember if we ever see pure vanilla as a kid, but my brain immediately thought about the two meeting, Cream remembers him and is very happy, Pure doesn’t remember them and is very confused and uncomfortable and cream isnt very happy that pure and everyone else don’t remember them

Cream is very insistent that theyve met

Cream: You DO remember me! I know you do! Remember the carousel! You loved it! We were best friends! You have to remember!

Pure: No, I would have remembered that! We never met…!

I think after a while, cream starts to get angry when no one remembers them, they feel like they’re owed SOMETHING, they helped all of them so much and not a single one of them remembers them, it frustrates them

They get a bit desperate on convincing and proving to pure that they’ve met, that they’re friends

Being alone for that long messes with your senses, they probably don’t even realize how long it’s really been

They probably get rlly easily and overly attached to others, unhealthily of course

-[Shadow milk and Cream Unicorn toxic yaoi]

-I imagine cream looks at the kids who’ve grown up with a sort of sadness, they aren’t “pure” anymore, they don’t have that innocence and are jaded by the harshness of the world, they wish they kept them by their side so they wouldn’t have to grow up, they cling to the past and don’t understand that you NEED to grow and move on eventually

And what happens when cream unicorn ‘grows up’ will they cease to exist, because something greater entirely? They don’t know, and that’s what scares them, they’re the embodiment of childhood, if they have to move on from that, what even are they?

And if they’re not around who will be there to help the kids when they come to cookieland, when they need them one day, sure no one has shown up in so long but they might! They can’t grow up, they have to sit there and wait, wait for someone to eventually show up

Cream unicorn is basically a child in a grown up’s body, terrified and unwilling to grow up and move on

-Cream unicorn sees shadow and thinks “is that me? Is that who I am going to be?” And it scares them, is that how the kids see them? Because shadow milk is the result of what happens when you don’t move on

Cream unicorn doesn’t want kids to be afraid of them, is why they let apple cookie and co leave in the first place, they want to be that comfort, that blanket you hold when it’s thundering at night, but the more desperate they become for love and any sort of companionship they realizes that they aren’t the blanket anyone, they are the thunder, they’re the one who is driving everyone way, it’s all them

Imagine the kid their trying to get stay with them screams at them, they look terrified and scream at them like bloody murder desperately just trying to get away from them and it finally hits them a bit, they’re stunned, not even knowing how to react

-this song and mikages arc in general are heavy cream unicore

“Freezing cold in the dark, puppets become human, is in the way of everyone”

“Ah just tell to me when and where is it that I am?”

“Destiny! Formless! Illusive! *Stagnating!* I am an imaginary living body waiting for the end”

“I need more time in this world, I will never be resting, clinging to existence as a hallowed out form”

Stagnating is really the word to describe Cream Unicorn honestly, theyre clinging to something that isn’t there anymore, they aren’t needed anymore, theyve served their purpose but they dont want to rest, they need needs more time, they needs to be there for some imaginary child that might need them one day, they can’t grow up, they can’t leave, not yet

-I think Shadow Milk will make Cream worse, and Pure Vanilla could possibly fix them,

-Apple cookie is the only person cream unicorn really trusts so imagine she sees cream unicorn cookie becoming worse and tries to help them not realizing how much danger she’s putting herself in by doing that

And imagine if Shadow Milk messes with Cream Unicorns memories to make him believe that Apple cookie hates their guts, they couldn’t handle it…At all.

[superbattrash]

I never truly knew rarepair hell until I tried finding fics about my current obsession only to realize there are leSS THAN 200 WORKS IN TOTAL

HALF OF THOSE ARE NOT IN ENGLISH

and I swear another 45% is omegaverse which… that’s great, but not what I wanna read when the canon vibe is what I was longing for

[s0fter-sin]

soap's whole deal being sniper and demolitions gets me going bc on the surface they sound so different but when you get into it, you realise it's bc soap's smart

sniping is all math; calculating distances and wind interference and bullet drop. something i think people overlook is he was listed as a sniper first so it can be implied that he's better at it than demolitions. he does more sniping in both campaigns than demolitions work; in capture or kill, ghost specifically calls on him to take down the aq snipers

and demolitions is math with a hit of chemistry; knowing what mixes with what, knowing how much to use, recognising environmental factors and adjusting accordingly. it's not just about the boom; so much work goes into contained/ planned explosions. especially when having enough power for a breacher charge and not bringing down the whole building is the difference between mission success and failure

the chemical bombs he makes in alone can't just be any old cleaners, they have to have the correct reaction to each other; he just knew off the top of his head what would mix with what to create what reaction. he would also potentially have to recognise them by sight/smell bc they would’ve been written in spanish

soap would also have to know architecture; recognising structural integrity and weak points so he knows exactly where to plant a charge to bring it down and how it'll come down

he has an incredible soldier's mind people just forget that bc he's sociable which itself is a skill

we know he tends to buck against orders he doesn't agree with like when he pushes back against ghost in capture or kill and shepherd when he tells them to release hassan

he gets closer to people and sees if he can trust them and that's when he follows them without question. really think about how he talks to alejandro and rudy; he asks about their home and alejandro's family and rudy's relationship with him. those aren't questions you ask a stranger after a few hours of knowing them. that's not even touching on his relationship with ghost

he also deliberately brings people of higher ranks down to his level; talking informally with ghost and giving him a shoulder punch, addressing alejandro (a colonel!!) by his first name and rudy by his nickname despite literally just meeting them. he personalises all of them and it’s in direct opposition to the reason most characters do that; it’s not due to insubordination or lack of respect, the more he respects and trusts someone, the more casual he is with them

he digs into people; he wants to know what makes them tick and that determines if he can one, trust them and two, follow their orders. once he decides that, he's the ultimate soldier; he bleeds loyalty which makes him vicious when that loyalty is taken for granted

he isn't naive or bubbly or insecure; he's an incredibly smart and aware soldier. he's aggressive and bloodthirsty and loyal and intuitive and i love him so much

[numbuh424]

the 2nd half of death note should've just gone full comedy complete with a laugh track and had these two dissing each other the whole time

[helldritch6211]

If i re wrote red hood outlaws + arsenal n red would you want to see snippets of that or would you roast me on a pike?

[mandalora]

Stolen from amidonexor, no one asked me either

[dreamsy990]

i drew silly gijinkas of my dogs

the dogs in question

[skyland2703]

…ok so I got inspired <3

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Thesis in the tags

[monachopism]

am i autistic or am i just paranoid. level: impossible

[ruvviks]

toying with the idea of making yancey's friends not real. would that be too evil

[derelictheretic]

almost started rambling about my no cult au in a rb instead I will ramble about it in my own tags like a sane person

[secondpersonpoetry]

hi! oh my goodness. i am SO sorry i didn’t say anything earlier. i did read everything a couple days ago, and i Have been chewing on it, rotating it in my mind, etc etc…..and the graphic has been my phone lockscreen since i first read it!!!!!

frankly i am obsessed and have also been a little frazzled this month lol. saw your post late because of the general whirlwind that is december and then couldn’t quite get my thoughts into sufficient words n got worried “oh no would it be weird to say something now…..” which is incredibly silly in retrospect, so sorry for that. 

i’m relatively new to hockey fandom and the Narratives don’t always quite click for me (yet, at least :)) because i don’t know all of the lore for a lot of the popular pairings haha, so it means a lot that you’ve taken time out of your day to break things down for me and share your own thoughts <3 tysm. again, super sorry for the delayed response. i’m very sorry if you felt as though you’d wasted your time or something along those lines :’) just wanted to let you know that i really appreciate you and the time it took you to get everything down and make the graphic!!!! and like i can’t overstate how much your tags both over here and on your other blog have helped me to Get It since the start of this season, so thank you.

but now the house is quiet, the in-laws are gone, and no new work stuff until january :) so i can finally get some stuff down. every point you brought up hits in it own way but gosh you are very incredibly right the mcstrome of it all…..that’s sort of the lens i’ve been listening to the song through since you mentioned it.

the golden boy and the “draft bust” and the ever present notion of “isn’t it all about old friends? like everything? all of it?”.  like idk looking back on a bestfriendship from when you were a teenager that was Super intense and the lines were blurred and maybe realizing (if you hadn’t had the words or the “guts” or awareness or wtv to put a name to it at that point in your life) that y’all were a smidge more than just friends. 

best friends forever until you just aren’t! growing up and growing apart. it’s just the way things go but it can and will ache for a damn long time! you think you’re over it until their birthday or the holidays roll around and you wonder in a distant sort of way who they’re spending it with. what you would’ve hypothetically gotten them as a present if you still spoke. what do they even like nowadays, anyway?

maybe having the friendship end subtly. going from playing and traveling together and living in one another’s pockets to 2,080 miles of distance? (i may have my timeline/details confused here so sorry in advance) texting as much as you can at first but he’s a phenom he’s mcjesus he’s the next in line he’s expected to win the cup with his new team and end the drought for Canada. and they have him now but he was yours first, wasn’t he? but it’s fine. because you’re busy too. you’re captaining the team now. you’re gonna get the memorial cup that he couldn’t. it’s fine. you’re fine. you don’t even have time to worry about it anyway. 

one conversation a week turns to one a month turns to once in a blue moon turns to stale words until it goes cold. these days you can’t quite seem to remember who ended things, but does it really matter all that much now?

or maybe it doesn’t end like that at all. maybe it ends in a flurry of angry words and digs in some or other of the endless hotel rooms you’ve shared together over the years. who knows!

and that’s not even getting into the rest of the 2015 draft class. or the ld19 of it all! ooh hoo hoo. you grew up with him but he’s not your waiting room. he grew up with you but he’ll grow “old” (end his career) with someone else. and isn’t that just something! 

i don’t think it’s totally them, but sort of the sentiment of “I hope you get everything you ever wanted and I hope I never hear a word about it.” I want one ticket off of your carousel!!!! merry christmas, please don’t call!!!!!!!

dylan being sent up and down and traded around until finally landing in washington, a place where he is clearly at home and LOVED for the guy and player he is!!!!!!!! watching a game and seeing all the strome jerseys in the crowd……..wagh.

all that said. some other songs that are mcstrome to me in various ways: hot & heavy by lucy dacus (lol kinda the whole song). before the world was big by girlpool (“i just miss how it felt standing next to you wearing matching [jerseys? sweaters?] before the world was big”). happiness by Taylor swift (“i guess it’s the price i pay for seven years in heaven”), cut your bangs by radiator hospital (maybe? possibly? unsure. i like the whole dog thing there). i’m so glad i feel this way about you by insignificant other (!!!!!). there are so many THEM lyrics in there……..waough.

anyway. other things off the top of my head: 2015 connor specifically saying something like “hey let’s wait a minute so we can see this” to stand by the stage when dylan was getting drafted after him. MAN. you reminded me of the fact that they couldn’t even make eye contact at the handshake line!!!!!!!!! they didn’t go to each other’s weddings!!!!!!!!!! (do you think once upon a time they ever thought they’d being each other’s best man?). just a couple months ago dylan liking the tweet of connor getting that goal during the playoffs!!!!!!!! makes you wonder if he texted him………..

lol this was all over the place and i was probably wrong on some things and there’s SO much more that someone else could say way more eloquently, but i digress. i dunno everything about them is so nuts to me!!!!! needless to say i will be incredibly sat for the game january 21 🙂‍↕️

thank you again for your time :) hope you have a good one and a happy rest of the holiday season! <3333333

what a lovely message to receive 🥰😭🥹 i had to break it up into chunks because i couldn't sit down to read all of it at once without just. bouncing right back up and shrieking. i am also at heart terribly shy so i understand the struggle but it is never too late to say something <3 you are always welcome here

first!!! i love sharing!! i think most of hockey tumblr loves to see people finding out the Lore for the first time and the wonderful thing about hockey is that. it keeps going on. so there's years and years and generations and generations and always something new to learn about. i've learned to just not be afraid to ask!!! between different teams and players i'm always discovering new narratives (learning about the sharks old man yaoi rn... cbj rarepairs...)

no... to my heart's despair... you have the timeline right. i think in the best most tragic sense there's a mcstrome narrative where it is truly that nothing went wrong. the love was there. we couldn't do enough to save it because we didn't see it slipping away. i didn't notice when you didn't call until you never did. i don't know you now but i still remember when i did, do you?

HE'S NOT YOUR WAITING ROOM?? passing out. i do see "i hope you get everything you ever wanted and i hope i never hear a word about it" as them because!! they didn't go to each other's weddings!!! i don't wish you harm but i'm not going to put myself through that!! i hope you're happy and i'm never going to look on purpose.

i love dylan strome so much and the best part is that they all love him so much too. he wore a cool vintage ovechkin jacket!! and got slapped in the face with a tortilla!! he loves to gently rag on the rookies!! it just takes some time, everything'll be just fine. you're only on the middle of the ride.

OKAY WHEN I READ THIS PART I SCREAMED BECAUSE I DO HAVE A MCSTROME PLAYLIST AND!!!! HOT & HEAVY BY LUCY DACUS IS IN FACT ON IT!!! SO IS CUT YOUR BANGS (BUT BY GIRLPOOL SO DOUBLE JINX)!!!! i have dorothea by taylor swift on there but i don't know happiness so i'll have to give all the other songs a listen. mostly i just shrieked because i was like NO YOU GOT THE VIBES EXACTLY

🧠〰️🧠 truly the mind meld happening here. the handshake line. the mutual wedding non-invitations. i won't block your number or your name on twitter i just hope i don't see it come up on screen!! i do think that we got confirmation the last time they played each other that dylan did text him to say congrats on a milestone but i would have to check the archives

p.s. i think you said it perfectly eloquently :) what matters is that you said it at all and i was delighted to read it 💕

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

not my online friend trying to have the "not all zionists" conversation with me rn