#I need to stop abusing the 'lmao'

[c1trvswurld]

STOP babying and objectifying Daisuke

STOP making anya a perpetual forever doting victim

STOP making swansea this hotheaded gaurd dog

STOP babying and objectifying and being ableist to curly and removing autonomy

STOP ignoring the complex themes of jimmys character just to mischaracterize and to dunk on your idea of him and, therefore, ignoring the themes of the story

Stop ignoring the complexities of their characters please and thank you

[edandstede]

ed and stede would not fuck izzy hope this helps <3

[thedroloisms]

just an essay bc it's been on my mind but the way that victimhood becomes a weapon on social media is so fucking stupid and counterintuitive to actual advocacy. people wielding "im a victim" as a defense not only in situations actually involving their specific case but also in basically every damn situation in the world is so ???? even in cases involving dream, for example, i will see people using his history as a means of defending him (it's really fucked up that you would accuse a victim of ___, he's an abuse victim i'm sure he won't defend ___ and that he'll ___) and while i understand where that sentiment comes from, the base assumption it's making is...nakedly untrue. and assuming its truthfulness can hurt victims moreso than it helps them.

being a victim isn't moralizing. being a victim doesn't make you a good person. suffering isn't absolution, and going through fucked up shit doesn't make someone "good." people equate abuser = bad person and victim = good person, and then assume that victims are incapable of abusive behavior or "problematic" internalized ideas. an abuser can't be neurodivergent, or mentally ill, or part of a marginalized group, and most importantly an abuser can't be a victim. the boxes of victim and abuser are strictly defined with no overlap. once you've been through something truly, verifiably, Fucked Up (tm), congrats! you get a certificate of eternal victimhood that prevents you from ever being a Real Bad Person ever for the rest of your life.

only that's not how real life works! it's just not! generational trauma leads to cycles of abuse that perpetuate themselves over whole generations of people! the kids that think that it's perfectly fine and a-okay for a parent to physically punish their children don't tend to be the ones with parents that don't lay a finger on them! and you know, it sucks. it sucks that you get nothing out of being hurt, that there's no fucking prize, that there are no suffering vouchers for you to cash in because of the abuse you suffered that can give you good-person-points. it sucks to endure all that shit for nothing. but the opposite idea of suffering making you a good person is the exact reason why some people preach about the miles they walked to school in the driving rain to excuse taking out their shitty temper on their small children.

being abused generally doesn't make one "better." if anything, trauma tends to fuck you up in ways that hurt you...and others. going through shit tends to make people worse. working to get better is something that requires actual conscious effort, not something that you are given as a side effect of going through hell. over and over again, traumatized individuals who are made to feel powerless and given little freedom and ability to change their circumstances, when in a situation where they are given power to some degree over some person, may choose to abuse that power while they're in their own abusive situation or after. part of being a victim of abuse often means having a distorted view of the abuse you've been through! it can mean normalizing fucked up behavior! looking at shit and treating it lightly because you've been taught that it's "not that bad," if you've been taught that it's bad at all! victims aren't granted perfect ideologies from god because they walked through flames--cult survivors usually have to unlearn all sorts of messed up beliefs that were drilled into them--beliefs that many people on twitter would then damn them for, because obviously if you've thought something like that in the past then you're a bigoted hateful individual.

i can only speak from my own experience, but i can't fucking count the number of people i've heard of or met or known personally who have been through some kind of trauma in the past, who are undoubtably victims of abuse, who then go on to act in toxic, manipulative, and abusive ways to others. oftentimes, these people are aware of the fact that they were in abusive situations in the past and make quite a big deal about the fact that they care about victims, as a victim, and want to advocate for them. they're the same people who react extremely negatively to anyone alluding to the idea that they could be abusive--they're not like that, they've been abused, how could anyone accuse them of abusing another person, don't they know how much that hurts with their history. and so on and so forth.

and...i have a lot of sympathy for these individuals, generally speaking. because as mentioned above, being abused in the past doesn't necessarily make it harder for you to be a perpetrator in the future. sometimes--oftentimes, even--it's the opposite. and i feel for them, because going through trauma and being hurt makes you scramble for ways to not be hurt again, and oftentimes the easiest answer for that (and the ways of solving problems as modeled to them in the past!) is control, and controlling another party can very easily slip into manipulative, abusive behavior. especially if you still have internalized ideas mixed in with the fear that surviving abuse entails, internalized ideas that are often left unexamined by people who believe that their victimhood absolves them from any further responsibility. i feel for people who are deathly afraid of ever being seen as terrible people, oftentimes because of the shit that they went through, who seek explanations for their abusers' behavior that make it so much easier to simplify the matter into "they're something separate from me, something that i can never become." i sympathize with the anger and fear and frustration and grief that might never had had a healthy outlet while in a past situation that ends up poured out into places where it shouldn't be in the present, i sympathize with the desire to find reason in being hurt where it doesn't exist, to want there to be something to make the whole damn thing worth it instead of having nothing to take with you but your pain.

but at the end of the day, that's not how life works. that's not how abuse works. yeah, there are abusers who are cruel for cruelty's sake, who are aware of the harm they do and desire to cause more--and there are just as many who genuinely believe that they're doing the right thing, that they're doing good, that they care for the one that they're hurting unselfishly and wholeheartedly. there are many, many people who hurt others because they have been hurt before, and this isn't an excuse--of course not--but refusing to acknowledge the ways that pain can perpetuate itself and blinding oneself to the possibility of their own actions ever being abusive can literally be how this pain continues. it's good to be self aware, it's good to want to do the right thing, but assuming that victims are good people because of the suffering they went through not only means that so-called "bad victims" (or anyone that's not yet Acceptably untangled the thought patterns and actions that have been normalized to them, or anyone who lashes out in quote-unquote appropriate ways as judged by whatever social media council is handing out social justice tickets for the week) get overlooked and ignored, but abusive patterns of behavior are allowed to continue to exist, just in a repackaged form with different language. it's not fair to victims to nail them to this standard of so-called righteousness that is also inextricably connected to their experiences, allowed to be revoked if they're too "abuser" to be "victim" anymore, or to overlook the victims of their behavior because their inherent suffering-borne righteousness keeps them from crossing the line into bad behavior.

at the end of the day, no one deserves abuse, victims deserve to be advocated for, and people who have been through horrific shit didn't deserve to go through horrific shit. but you don't get handed get-out-of-jail-free cards for being treated badly, you know?

[ciderjacks]

The JD vs Amber Heard stuff was actually insane. I didn't keep up with it because I disagreed with the sheer principle of publicizing something like *that* but the misogyny was MASK OFF...

NO LIKE FRL IT WAS SO INSANE

[angelstrawbabie420]

in my quest to quell my pain ive only hurt myself worse. damned if i do damned if i dont.

[jrueships]

the username 😭😭 how did he remember it

I'M A STUDENT ATHLETE 🗣‼️‼️‼️👶🏾

[cosmobrain00]

sm ppl portray the wheeler fam to be worse than they actually r bc it's just another reason for hardcore mike apologists to make him seem more "sympathetic" in the long run n I think tht should irritate others more

[novadreii]

Every day, I meditate on my anger and bitterness. I reflect on my seemingly bottomless need to ruminate on all the people who have abused and traumatized me starting from a young age. The unfairness of it all. The senselessness. I grieve for myself as a little girl who desperately wanted to be love and be loved, and whose desperation was like blood in water to sharks.

I send quiet internal prayers out to the universe and ask it to lessen my anger, because I truly don't think I need it anymore. I'm safe from harmful people for arguably the first time in my entire life. I have friends and family whom I love. I have cultivated a sense of self-love so all-encompassing that no other person will likely ever be able to rival it. I am safe. I'm okay. I'm happy. I don't need my anger anymore.

I reflect on how to this day my mother, who I had to cut off for my own sanity, is a bitter, miserable woman now in her 60s. How eerily my personality and potential echo hers. Her and I both were deeply wounded over and over, starting at young ages by our mothers. We both jump to rage when we are hurt, we both ruminate endlessly about those who hurt us, replaying the painful mental movies over and over again, hurting ourselves long after the harmful people have gone.

I see her in me, and I see what I have the potential to become if I don't release my resentment. It's hard to let go of something that has kept you safe in the past. My anger has time and time again scared off abusers, once they realize it makes me too unstable, unpredictable, and therefore difficult to control.

But I don't need it right now. It's best to internally send well wishes to all who have hurt me, because it takes someone equally hurt and dysfunctional to mistreat others. The only way I don't end up as one of them, to not end up a carbon copy of my mother, is to let the resentment go.

I've undertaken several self/life improvement projects that will hopefully bear fruit in early 2025. Not jinxing anything by talking about it yet, but I'm excited. I'm ready to look towards the future and leave my past where it belongs, and I do this with love and acceptance.

[noroi-amaraciune]

Wow threats of violence and death woe is me. Bitch it's been like this for years if you hate me kill me already and if you don't plan to just shut that shit spitting asshole mouth of yours.

I have nothing to lose if he actually carried on with it, he'd do me a favour. It's funny to me he thinks he scares me and its even funnier he gets more angry when I laugh.

Bro I got used to your abusive shit, it's another day of you being an aggressive coward to me after I ignored you for months even if you wanted a reaction. I don't give a shit lmao

[bonefall]

Did bramble try apologizing/reconciling with the three for disowning them? I caaant really see him doing so as itd be him admitting he was wrong to do so and I can see him being the type of guy who never admits hes wrong like ever

I don't think he ever did... in-canon, the reconciliation comes from a confrontation towards the end of the arc just before the Great Battle which would absolutely not happen the way it did, in the Bonefall Rewrite.

After spending all of Canon OotS becoming more and more openly hostile to Squirrelflight and Jay/Lion being clearly affected by it, finally he snaps and starts shouting again, only for Squirrelflight to apologize and beg him to not throw his family away.

“Brambleclaw, I’m sorry.” Squirrelflight moved closer to the ThunderClan deputy. Her voice was stronger now, as if she was tired of being punished for something she had believed to be right. “You have to understand that I never intended to hurt you. I loved you, and was proud to raise these kits with you. You were a wonderful father.” “But I wasn’t their father!” Brambleclaw hissed. “Yes, you were!” Squirrelflight thrust her muzzle close to Brambleclaw’s. Her eyes blazed. “Don’t throw away everything just because you are angry with me!”

-Chapter 17, Omen of the Stars: The Last Hope

Following this, Lionblaze is clearly hurt and tells him how he was proud to be his son, and that is the moment that Brambleclaw realizes he's been... you know. Hurting his children with this bullshit.

So after everything, what brings Brambleclaw around is everyone in his life apologizing and kissing up to him after he's been an asshole for 6 books. Yes, he has a right to be angry-- but why does this series make it everyone else's job to soothe him? Including what's supposed to be his children? The adult, next-in-line leader of an entire Clan?

Squirrelflight is responsible for HIS emotions because he was an 'innocent bystander', but he's not responsible for how he's hurt the innocent bystanders in his OWN life. It's a double standard.

(even ignoring how i think TNP proves brambleclaw is not a trustworthy person who should have power)

Bonefall Rewrite: Brambleclaw's Repentance

So in the Bonefall Rewrite, no. Squirrelflight is not even seen as completely wrong by her Clanmates. She has support! She is able to recognize by this point that she doesn't deserve his treatment. She wouldn't apologize or beg him to reconcile-- everything he's done up to this point, his demotion of her as deputy, his mixed leadership...

He's the one who should be apologizing. She's able to realize that.

And Lionblaze was NOT on Brambleclaw's side when the secret came out. He's never stopped seeing Squirrelflight as his mother, she revealed that Brambleclaw wasn't his father by admitting to Ashfur that her biokits with Bramble were miscarried, ergo, they are NOT part of both the Power of Three AND the Fire and Tiger Prophecy.

And she said that to surprise him just enough to anime-kick him into the tree which saved The Three from the fire. The force of a Flying Ashfur is what knocked it over.

So, there's a situation here where The Three are all very hurt by Brambleclaw's abandonment, Squirrelflight does not feel the need to apologize more than she already has, and he is leader while Hell is about to attack.

...so if he does apologize, I think it's through seeing them have a meeting before the battle where they're reconciling, and he's utterly left out. He realizes that it's not his family anymore, and he's...

I want to say "lost control" but, specifically, he's seeing Tawnypelt again, leaping over the thunderpath to join Tigerstar on the other side.

So it's anger, rage, sadness. He did it to himself and I think he knows it, but GOD it's painful. He doesn't want it to be his own fault, but it is. And he can't begin to apologize; because he doesn't know where to begin.

So, his apology is giving Squirrelflight her deputy position back after the battle. Knowing her Clan will need her, she says yes. And that's where it's left... for now.

[alilaro]

once again i have experienced medical malpractice at the hands of a male doctor 😔

[watchyourdigits]

no one asked, but fic updates and falloutober are postponed indefinitely while i deal with being dragged into my parents' shitshow

[pessimisticprincess]

/

[jvzebel-x]

(a love story in five parts:)

"You could do anything to me, and I'd let you. ... Tell me you love me, at least. Please. I need to know somebody does."

"I always think of a passage from the Symposium, this allegory about people who started off as two halves of a whole, but then something cut them apart and they spend their whole lives looking for the other half so they can fit themselves back together. And that's how it feels. It hurts. It's like I lost you before I was born."

"I know why you fuck me like you wish you could kill me. I know everything that gets you off, you can't help but show me. There's no part of you that I can't see."

"Because it wasn't as if they'd never hurt each other before-- between them, it was a kind of tenderness, writing themselves onto each other's bodies with every mark they left. It was a promise: I'm here, I've always been here. Pain was a necessary consequence, but that was all it was."

"All they were-- all they had ever been-- was a pair of sunflowers who each believed the other was the sun."

x. "These Violent Delights", Micah Nemerever

[hikelesbian]

i bought Was It Even Abuse by Emma Rose Byham thinking well, what i went through wasn't really abuse abuse since it wasn't physical. i'm probably overexaggerating.

the first paragraph is reassurance that if you've picked up this book, you know something's wrong, and then every paragraph after that describes abuse, most of which my ex did.

so lol. guess it was abuse.

[kodokugumon]

the fact that so many child abuse laws are like "its not child abuse unless it leaves a lasting mark" is so fucking crazy to me. You can hit a kid as long as your fists weren't closed and you hit them light enough