#I need to finish cleaning my room
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@soullesspaci. Loser how dare you see my post/j
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current vibe is eating peanut butter M&M’s I got from this guys mom after I helped her embarrass him, and slowly loosing my will to live
#I need to finish cleaning my room#But I have no desire to#i just want to not#losing my mind#give me motivation#Please#okay bye
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I have officially started painting the walls in the living room.
well, I've mixed/adjusted the paint and painted some swatches and put up masking tape and all that stuff. I'll be painting tomorrow. I'm so excited (to get started, but mostly that I'll finally be all done with evvvverything*)
*until I think of the next thing I want to do, and the next one after that, and -
#I'm just so damn happy I actually managed to get everything else done today!! the living room was a mess before#well it's even worse right now but that's because all the furniture is in the middle of the room lol#but yeah I finished unpacking almost everything (there's still a few boxes with like old memory stuff etc. in the storage room but that#doesn't count because we don't use or need that stuff)#and I cleaned and I did the laundry and I put away (some) clean laundry and I blocked most of the bunting for the birthday garland I'm#making and I tidied everything and I fixed a bunch of things and#okay I think that's all#but hey that's kind of a lot?#idk but it definitely is for me#I think I sat down for maaaybe an hour or two the entire day?? that's. actually concerning and it explains the pain in my feet oh no#sometimes when I'm walking (not standing) I don't notice the pain until it's too late...#well shit I hope I'll be able to actually paint tomorrow lol. guess I'll have to sit down for some of it but I did that last time too and it#was alright#personal
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How's the wooden house coming along? Can imagine it's taking a while due to all the small detailed bits.
I just ran out of glue and therefore finally picked up my phone. I swear I get way too focused when I start these things, if I could forget to breathe I would.
But it's going smoothly for now! Which means that I haven't yet reached the point where all the micro mistakes will catch up to me and have me looking for a way to make it work anyway. I also discarded some posters that I noticed had Harry Potter written on them, we do not stan terf works in this household.
Here are a few pictures of the ground floor!
It's still so very tiny if only I had some more glue-
#The rest of my life demands my attention though#I glue and crochet and glue and read and crochet#Like yes girl it's fine but maybe there are other things too#I need 48 hours a day for all my hobbies#Since work and capitalism steal five days out of seven from my week#NOW clean room and draw a bit come on you can do it#Oh no my fic I have to finish my fic#But if I had a bit of spare glue........
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hour 14 of taking a break from art for the sake of my tendons: i am Wailing and Keening and Scratching Forlornly At My Tablet
#i dont know if im strong enough but i Need to be strong enough#cant continue doodling if ya wrist doesnt work#clenching my fists and chanting 'this is necessary this is necessary'#ive been going way too hard lately. unfortunately#curse this mortal body and its stupid bullshit mechanics that dont even work half the time#gonna cope by eating overly spicy soup and crochet#well no. i cant crochet. ten minutes of that hurts worse than scribbling for eight gay hours#to put it quite simply - but with feeling: FUCK!#absolutely unprompted#howling and sobbing and baying etc etc#i was gonna finish that commission tonight. then i was gonna start on something else i promised Days ago.#maybe get some doodles done for asks.#work on vines part 2.#but it oof ouch too much :/#what the hell am i supposed to do now#fold laundry? clean my room? read? WRITE? ha dont make me laugh#i havent written in 2 months and im not about to start now#(said immediately before screaming into a pillow)#maybe ill like... go through my replies for once... see if people are trying to talk to me...#see if im brave enough to Directly Interact outside of asks...
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I need to finish my scene and emo sparrow and lark art wip ..... Soon
#literally in the middle of cleaning my room rn but i Need to work on it again . hashtag autism#if i finish it before the pa liveshow i could submit it to the art thingy#oufhhffhdj . motivation !
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sick and twisted that organizing my desk space (and organizing the clutter in my room in general) does, in fact, make me feel a lot happier and a lot better about my life . . . sick and twisted
#caroline talks#guys i got this desk organizer . . . it's got my nail polishes and my sticky notes and pens and pencils in one place#and it makes me. very happy.#i did spend. the last hour and a half cleaning my room and just. mopping. dusting. unpacking. re-organizing my closet.#i need to wait for my washing machine + dryer to finish up so i can finally finish changing my sheets#and i also need to clean my bathroom. and then. and then i'm going to go to a meeting.#i really do like. living away from my parents for the most part. i love them but i also. think i just feel more motivated when i'm not#living with them. cue: decorating my room for the first time in forever. organizing things. cleaning more. telling myself that despite my#desire to crawl into bed and not get back up. i need to buy milk.#(WHICH. DEEP SIGH. I DON'T WANT TO BUY MILK)#(but tomorrow me will be SO thankful. i know this. i know this too well.)#(but the grocery store feels so far . . . .. . ... )#(lunch. i need to eat lunch. that's what's going on here tbh)
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I do love that I'm both freezing and having the worst back pains.
But at least I still have a roof above my head, right?
#personal#so here's the thing:#i don't think any of the radiators in my apartment are currently working#which kind of sucks bc it's winter in northern europe lmao#one of them had blown a fuse. which i changed yesterday. and now it's cold again. so there's definitely something wrong with it#two of them. which are located in my bedroom/living room combination. have red lights on#but they are both cold and not heating up my apartment. which means i'm freezing here#so it could be a thermostat or something. i don't know#but because my place was a mess. after having worked for a few months and not having energy to do anything else#i had to clean up here yesterday. because i couldn't call my landlord who lives closeby in case he decided to drop in and see#the mess i was living in. to you know. check on those radiators#so anyway. my apartment is pretty okay now. stuff i still need to clean though but it's mostly minor#but i seem to have strained my lower back doing it. or from sleeping in an awkward position because i was cold#the kind of pain i haven't experienced in months which must be a record for me now#but yeah now my lower back hurts. i can't properly crouch or even twist my body to the side without my knees trying to give out#and i've already taken painkillers for it today. which kind of put me to sleep again and had a lovely little nap a while ago#but this is bothersome#i hope my back feels better by tomorrow so i can finish my cleaning and then message my landlord#because i don't want to freeze here anymore xD and i also don't want my houseplants dying because of it so
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tiiiiired
#charlie babbles#rolled my schedule forward from waking up around 4PM to waking up around 5AM and that's all well and good but#now I feel like I have even LESS energy and I already wasn't/couldn't get anything done lately#I did it mainly because I was already waking up later and later and I knew I'd have morning or early afternoon errands saturday#and also it kinda ruins mom's day when I'm asleep all morning#what I wouldn't give for a crumb of energy though#I really need to clean and get out halloween stuff and finish setting up mom's room and go through clothes and pick up my room and and and
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Never did I think I'd get two ghost reader reqs
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#but honestly I think they'll be so fun to write#I have my idea for the blade one but now I need to think of one for devil.. which might be a bit hard#still hoping to get a req with the character being the creature#but any req is smth I'll take bc I don't get many to begin with#hence why mutuals can req two at a time :33#ok I wanted to vacuum and clean my room I need to hurryyyy and get my work done if I wanna do that#I DON'T HAVE MUCH LEFT I CAN FINISH BEFORE 8!!!!
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This is literally the only concert I’ve ever been excited for merch so I’m kinda hopeful I can get what I’m wanting (and also hoping they’re sold out of some stuff by the time I to my turn bc there’s too much I want) vibrating
#not enough to just like up early though. I need to EAT.#like fuck. I really need to eat. I haven’t had a Proper Meal aside from maybe breakfast at 5am?#but I couldn’t finish. so it’s just been snacks. and my matcha latte. and I’m waiting on my food. sandwich should be quick to prepare??#ah and I think I’ll want to pop up back to my room to re spray nasal (for covid prevention and also bc the smoke is killer here)#and maybe mouthwash bc I want to keep my tongue clean as it heals but idk if I’m mouthwashing too often ah well a few days probablys fine#at least I am vaguely familiar with the metro to get there#(seven years ago is not current but I recognize the line change anyway$
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decided to not buy instant pot yet, cleaned the kitchen instead. cheaper but worse.
#i had to throw the dead flowers from my father's funeral two months ago if you want a peek at how long it's been since i cleared that table#i put two wine glasses in the dishwasher-- i don't remember drinking wine#i think those are from my birthday back in november#i'm suffering because i just need to sweep to finish the task but the broom is in my brother's room and he's sleeping do you feel my pain#there's now ONE clean room in the house i'm gonna hang out in there forever#manic friday night cleaning is the best way to clean
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📓🖊️🌧️🌫️
#just... ugh! im so frustrated nd need to vent a bit#sadly.. smth i havent accepted yet is that having avpd will be constant thru my life and it will have ups and downs#i had a pretty long run of not being *that* avoidant#for 2 weeks now i'm back in that suuuuuper avoidant place#like super avoidant. i dont even go for walks or go to the grocery store. or send emails to my teachers (important!!!!)#i cant look at anything thats important. i dont even clean my room T-T#this is the 2nd week im skipping school which is v bad. nd i havent done anything on my assignment in the course i need to finish in march#i dont open messages or reply to anyone bc i just cant it gives me too much anxiety#im simply avoiding EVERYTHING#and it's such an awful place to be stuck in i hate it so so so so much#worst part is I HAVE NO FKN IDEA HOW TO BREAK FREE!!!!!!!#i've never gotten any treatment for my avpd nd there is actually no information or research online so idk how to handle it#i just wait and simmer in this fkn.... sucky ass soup mess nd wait nd wait#until suddenly it just loosens nd i can start doing things here nd there#the problem is. i dont rlly have time#i dont have time to sit and wait!!! i have time sensitive responsibilities that i risk ruin if i dont do them#i just have no idea HOW to do anything rn. bc it doesnt work to just force myself to do them#it doesn work to make lists or schedules#it suxxx that there isnt rlly any treatment or accessible tips for how to deal w avpd bc im rlly...#im alone... out in the open sea... no one around as far as the eye can see... no life raft. no help skskksks#anyway#ig all i can do is wait nd *try* to do small things as much as i can nd hope i'll get less avoidant soon#i just hate this so much. i always feel so awful nd terrible nd it's so bad ugh
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my ex, who lives alone, is apparently about to buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom, 2-garage house. what. i'm getting stressed out just hearing about it. tf you gonna do with all that space, bro? how you gonna clean all those bathrooms???
#he's like well i want one room for my home office and one room for my hobby and one guest room#add in a bedroom for him and that's still only 4 bedrooms? you have an entire extra bedroom????#plus an extra garage???#damn he thinks he's lonely now but dude just you wait until you spend every day ALONE IN A FIVE-BEDROOM HOUSE#trying not to project too much onto him but i really think this is absurd outside of my own preferences#he's been stressed living in his 1b apt bc his hobby takes up a lot of space#but i think this is just another example of his general propensity to treat the symptoms and not the disease#the problem is he's overcommitting & extending himself too much & he never finishes anything#that's what actually stresses him out#so him in a 5b house is just going to be him filling all that space with stuff until he's stressed again#anyway i have NO IDEA how to react to this because i think it's such a bad idea#i'm really bad at faking things i don't feel but i feel like it's too late to say 'wyd bro???' because apparently his offer was accepted#i did ask him how he's going to clean 4 bathrooms and he said he's just not going to use them#also it feels weird morally for a single (rich) man to buy an entire 5b house only for him in the middle of the seattle housing crisis#not like if he didn't buy it someone else would buy it and make it into affordable housing units so maybe it doesn't matter#still feels weird though and contributes to me not knowing how to react#if you have any advice for me followers...i am all ears#i've been really floundering on how to be a supportive friend to him lately#just really struggling with how to engage with him when it feels like he's his own worst enemy#and like it's not that he needs to have the same priorities as me it's just that he comes to me all stressed out and idk how to react#bc 'no shit you're stressed out. have you tried making completely different choices?' isn't a great option lol
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tag game: pick stuff from your room and have people vote on which one they want to take home.
Thanks for the tags @dwarvenagenda and I thought Stelle also did but it was that glitch where you get the mention notification where you were not mentioned apparently lmao.
(Have you read Heavy Hitters yet? Kai makes me want to watch wrestling even though I've never had any interest before)
Tagging: @dragonnarrative-writes @mortuarywriting @mi-i-zori @charliemwrites and anyone else that wants to!
#tag game#I really need to clean my room apparently#I guess I'll do that after I'm done baking bread#If you take the notebooks you will be subjected to many stories that I haven't typed up yet#If you want the pants let me finish hemming them lmao
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send help. it's supposed to be 91 degrees tomorrow. on my day off :(
#a sock speaks#work tag#food tag#it was high 80s today but I didn't even notice bc the air conditioner at restaurant job is punishingly high powered#I was wearing my long sleeved undershirt and leggings without any discomfort#but I have to run errands tomorrow and my car has no AC. the house also has no AC but is okayish at staying cool.#I wanted to make pizza today but didn't have time. might be too hot for pizza tomorrow :( but my ingredients are aging in the fridge#I finally got a paycheck but it's for the 2nd period I worked. I'm missing the first one and need to talk with the regional manager#and he's only in on Thursdays#also gotta request a day off to go to Portland with my cousin in 2 weeks#also gotta request off for orchestra which also starts in 2 weeks#also my aunt is trying to recruit me for a caregiving job and I'd have to take 3 weeks off to get trained#it'd be super easy to schedule both jobs once I'm trained but the training is a big time commitment#also restaurant job scheduled me for all graveyard shifts this week. if I can't adjust my sleep schedule I'll have to give a firm no on it#also gotta go to the bank to deposit my check and. uh. all of August's tips (terrifying)#also gotta call a vital records office in Maine about my mom's birth certificate bc we're trying to take her to Canada for her birthday#I don't think we have enough time but my sister wants to do it#also I want to finish knitting this sock that I started in June. I just have the toe left#also I finally confirmed the color and pattern for a baby blanket I'm preparing as a gift so I gotta get yarn#also I need to buy blackout curtains to fit my windows so I can sleep in the day if I work nights#also sometime this week my sister is cleaning the church. I want to go with her so I have an excuse to get ice cream from a shop nearby#also I need to clean my room and I should hang up the art prints & postcards I've been collecting for months#most of them are green to match my decor but some are just characters or scenes I like#oh! I also owe a postcard to a school friend#I had caffeine for the first time in several days and my brain is buzzing. there's so much I want to do and I have time to do it#and I'm excited about it!
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