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la-cosmonauta-extraterrestre · 4 months ago

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How to learn physics as an adult

I'm creating this post in response to some posts @un-ionizetheradlab made the other day, but I'm creating this as a guide to anyone this is relevant for. It's going to be a long post, but pick and choose what to do from this list based on what works for you and what your goals are, whether it's just to gain basic scientific literacy or become a physicist (or something in between). Also remember that it's a journey not a sprint, so it's ok if you don't understand physics at first (and if it makes you feel better, physics was one of my worst subjects in school and now I have a master's degree in physics). Without further ado:

First Thing's First

There are some mathematical methods you need to learn to understand physics; there's no way around this:

Vectors: This is the most important thing to learn for physics, how to use vectors. It seemed every mathematics or physics class I took in my first year of my physics degree started with an introduction to vectors, and for good reason. You can learn about how vectors work on Khan Academy for free.

Matrices and Tensors: Once you've mastered vectors, learn about matrices and linear algebra, and perhaps go on to learning about tensors once you're at it. You can at least get the basics about matrices from Khan Academy, but you might want to invest in a linear algebra textbook.

Calculus: I said vectors are the most important thing to learn for physics, but it actually might be calculus. If you have absolutely no previous knowledge of calculus, you can watch the video "Calculus at a Fifth Grade Level" on YouTube; it's a little more advanced than fifth grade level but can give you a good feel for what calculus is about. Once you've done that, there are multiple calculus courses available on Khan Academy. There's also a calculus course available on Brilliant, but it might only be available through the paid version.

Ordinary Differential Equations and Boundary Value Problems: You don't need to learn these right away, but if you want to do physics at the upper undergraduate level, you'll need to learn these at some point.

2. Learning to Think Like a Scientist

Some suggestions of apps and things to watch if you don't know much about science so you can start thinking like a scientist:

SciShow: If you don't know much science at all, SciShow on YouTube is a good place to start, I used to watch it and as I recall it's more focused on life sciences but there's some physics videos there, too.

Ciencias De La Ciencia: This is sort of a Spanish version of SciShow but it's more physics-focused. At least some of the videos have subtitles if you don't know Spanish.

Cosmos: If you haven't seen Cosmos (either the old version with Carl Sagan or the new version with Neil DeGrasse Tyson), it's very good and at least some of the episodes are available for free online. It's more pop-science and history of science than actual science content, but at least they make a point of using anecdotes from the history of science to illustrate how the scientific method works.

Sabine Hossenfelder: Highly recommend her YouTube channel; she's one of the most intellectually honest scientific communicators in the world nowadays. Her videos are a good illustration of how to think like a scientist. She also has a blog and has written a few books.

Brilliant: This is an app with mathematics and science courses that places an emphasis on problem-solving. Most of the courses are only available on the paid version of the app (but you should be able to get a discount on it if you're subscribed to any mainstream science YouTubers), but even the free version gives you access to a few courses, plus a forum where people post problems. I had this app back in the day and liked solving problems on the forum (no idea if it's changed since then).

3. Books to Study

If you're committed to learning physics you should study from some textbooks:

Physics LibreTexts: This is a whole collection of university-level physics textbooks for free online. It's an invaluable resource for learning physics. Use it to learn classical mechanics, electricity and magnetism, modern physics (but don't jump into quantum mechanics straight away if you're just starting out in physics).

Landau and Lifshitz Course of Theoretical Physics: This was the physics school curriculum in the Soviet Union; it's a little dated now but if you're just learning the basics it can't be beat given the excellent pedagogy. It's easy enough to find copies of it online, especially on Russian sites. Most if not all of the textbooks in the series have been translated into English, but if you know any Russian, the original is easy to follow.

Introduction to Electrodynamics by David J. Griffiths: Once you've learned mechanics, modern physics and some electricity and magnetism get yourself a copy of this textbook; you can get used editions on Amazon for a reasonable enough price. American physics majors are obsessed with this textbook, refer to it as the Bible, and for good reason.

Every Life is on Fire by Jeremy England: This isn't a textbook, but reading it took me back to my statistical mechanics class and it's way more readable than any actual statmech textbook so if you are interested in learning statmech, this book is a good start. It's actually a general reading book about England's ideas about the origin of life, interspersed with some parallels to the Hebrew Bible because England is also a rabbi. He actually has some interesting ideas about the philosophy of science, though they can be difficult to get behind, so if you're interested go listen to a podcast where they interview him (obligatory I don't condone the Kahaneist politics he sometimes promotes).

4. Learn About Research and Experiments

Physics is an experimental science, so expose yourself to some experiments:

Look for PDFs of high school physics labs online. You can find some for free and it should be cheap enough to do the experiments at home.

Read scientific papers on topics that interest you to try and understand what's happening today. If you find them difficult to understand, try reading older papers and go from there, for example, in undergrad I did a research internship relating to neutron stars, but I found some of the recent scientific papers difficult to understand, but reading the 1938 paper "On Massive Neutron Cores" by Oppenheimer and Volkoff helped me to understand neutron stars better. (When I returned to some of those same papers during my master's degree, I was proud to have understood them well.)

5. Take University-Level Physics Courses

You can take university-level physics courses without committing to a degree:

Search online for MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses). You can find MOOCs on multiple sites about many physics topics, and they're often free (sometimes you have to pay for them).

If you live in the United States, you can take physics classes at your local community college.

You can enroll in online physics courses through Open University, based in London but you can take the courses from anywhere. It's expensive, but you pay by the credit so you don't have to pay for a whole year of tuition if you're just taking one course.

If you happen to have free time in the summer and the money for it, many American universities (and elite British universities) offer summer courses that one can enroll in even if they don't attend the university. These are usually in-person classes.

6. Get a Physics Degree

Getting a physics degree is ultimately the only course of action if you've decided to become a physicist, the recommended course of action if you're ultimate goal is a PhD in the history of science or philosophy of science, and a good idea if learning physics has made you want a career in science communication of science education. There's no shame in being a non-traditional age student; in both my bachelor's and master's degree in physics I knew students who were non-traditional age. The downside of this is that it's a bad financial decision to get a degree, especially if it's a second bachelor's degree, but there are ways to lessen the financial burden of a degree:

If you attend an American university with American tuition, you can usually get an on-campus job, though that's pocket change compared to the costs of tuition.

On the bright side, if you already have a bachelor's degree you can probably get credit for general requirements at American universities, so a second bachelor's degree in physics might not take long.

You can also do a part-time degree while you work at many universities.

Just some general advice, if you go the American university route go to a university with a Society of Physics Students and get a student membership in American Physical Society; you get all kinds of benefits like access to Physics Today magazine, scholarships, internships, conferences, an honour society induction.

All that said, it's difficult to attend an American university without losing money. For that matter it's difficult to attend any university in the world without losing money, but you can lessen that burden by going to a country where university is cheaper. There the limiting factor is going to be language; although English is the international language of physics and the medium of most postgraduate physics degrees around the world, physics bachelor's degrees are usually in the local language. Some possible exceptions I found to this, for those who are not fluent in a language other than English:

Apparently there are world-class English-medium physics degree programmes in France? I figure there must be some kind of catch given the way the French are about their language, but given the high research output France has in physics, this is worth getting into.

There are English-medium physics bachelor's degrees in the Czech Republic, and tuition there is pretty affordable (for the English-language degrees; it's free for Czech-language degrees if you happen to be fluent in Czech). I don't know Czechia to have a lot of physics research output today, but back in the day Prague was a major centre of scientific research (Einstein briefly lived and worked as a physics professor in Prague), so it you're goal is to do a PhD in the history of science...I'm just gonna say that there's an English-medium physics bachelor's degree programme at Charles University and you'd have time when you're not studying to explore the city and it's history (but you should learn some Czech if you're going to live there).

University degrees in South Africa are usually English-medium, and tuition there is pretty affordable. There's also a fair amount of research output from South African universities. (Though I understand not wanting to live in South Africa.)

#physics #mathematics #sabine hossenfelder #jeremy england #robert oppenheimer #education #albert einstein

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ohsayit · 9 months ago

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This is why I fucking hate humans

I went to the reddit thread and watched the tiktok video about tha pp shutting down. I've typed out the subtitle in the video at the end of this post. Below is my angry essay.

I am even more angry now. This person showed no understand to the problem and absolutely zero remorse what so ever. They are definitely not sorry about what they did. From the way they describe it, they are doing a marvellous thing. They create a product to help people.

What people is this app appealing to? People with disability that actually need it? Do it appear to be it? If they specifically scraping AO3 for that, I don't think people who are in need for a wonderful text to speech app is who they are catering to.

"Consent from the author" didn't even cross their mind until authors sent emails to them to say they DO NOT consent the app to use their work.

They described it as audio content. You know who other than the authors are being affected? Actors. What this app does is replacing real actors practicing the art of performance, then label it as "content" and ship it as a "product". This app steals text and rids the art talents that performs it. Remind me why Audible is an actual business? Oh right, because authors who wrote it should be paid. Oh yes, because people who recorded the book should be paid.

For people who don't create, just sit there and catch a ride, who can't even read a fiction that they need it read out loud to them, it's probably a good idea.

Leeches.

What's even worse? They think they are doing a marvellous product and what's the main blocker? Oh the people who made those text content wouldn't give their consent.

No. There is no right way of doing it. This whole idea is just wrong. You wouldn't call something a "product" if you are never going to monetise on it. I would never call my fanfiction "product" because it never was and never will be. Same logic you wouldn't call a real friend as "associate" or "acquaintance". I don't believe a word they said, except the part that they are sorry they need to shut down the app. Oh don't get me wrong, they are not feeling sorry that they didn't deliver help, I can assure you that.

Bloody leeches.

=======================

Below is what was said in the video about the app shutting down.

Hey guys, I wanna do a quick update here because we've gotten a lot of thoughtful feedback um in the past 24 hours or so. We received a ton of emails, a ton of messages. We're taking all that super seriously. When we built lore.fm, we really envisioned it as a private text to speech tool. Where it just made fanfiction a little more accessible. Like the best text to speech toll on the web, since most of them are not very good at all. You know we were a free text to speech app. We don't sell any ads. We don't see any data. It's not monetized. We don't, you know, feed any fanfiction into any training models for generative AI, or anything of that sort. We were under the impression that this would be taken like, you know, downloading an e pub and transferring it to your private Kindle or e reader. But we realize that, you know, we missed the mark and we were wrong and we really apologize. We don't want authors to think that their content is under threat in any way. I understand that even though users can only privately listen to the content that can still be very comfortable without your consent. With that being said, I don't think lore.fm can continue in its current form, with respect to all the feedback, all the messages that we've gotten from so many authors. I don't feel comfortable putting that out without, you know, people's consent. Thank you for letting me know. So even though we technically just started, it might be better for that current product to shut down. I know that's disappointing for a lot of people, at least, on here. But we committed to doing things the right way. One way something like this could potentially continue, as if there's a way for authors to actually opt into whatever platform and be able to share that audio content with their readers who may not be able to read it for whatever reason. And if they were able to, you know, get those hits, those like, those kudos, on whatever page that originated their content. Of course, something like that is up to the authors and what they're comfortable doing. Please feel free to comment, to email, to DM me. I just wanna have this kind of conversation with everyone, about how they're thinking about this. Like, no pressure, just having conversation, seeing what everyone thinks. (We are) Happy to completely shut down, especially with whatever the consensus is. You know, for everyone who's really excited about the product. We're really sorry. Um, I know current text to speech tools really suck and they're not really for mobile and they're not very accessible, you know, outside of just like, a web browser. And they're not very good. They don't sound very good either. So, I know that really sucks. I really hope there's a future where you know, audio content truly accessible for everyone. Whatever it is. And I think there, I think there's a way to get there for sure, so, thank you guys so much and we'll talk later I guess.

EDIT: Update Lore.fm’s current version has been shut down! 5/17/24

Hey I don’t know if this is being talked about on Tumblr but thankfully the AO3 subreddit has a conversation going about this app that just went live.

TikTok user unravel.me.now has just launch an app (lore.fm) she is calling “Audible for AO3”. It’s an app that uses AI voices to read out fics.

🚨She is requiring any authors who do not want their fics to be on this app to OPT OUT by emailing [email protected] 🚨 🚨She has not given an actual template or how you’re supposed to prove you’re the author or said how her team will process this or how she will keep these requests secure🚨

I do not have this app. I haven’t seen anyone use it yet. According to Reddit users, unravel.me.now’s earlier TikToks stated she envisions the app being able to create libraries stored on that app and to have version of “Spotify wrapped”. That implies that eventually data collection must happen, if it’s not happening currently.

I don’t know the actual capabilities of this app. I don’t know the legalities. I do know that it personally feels like this app is trying to turn AO3 into a content generation source and I haven’t heard of the app allowing you to leave a comment or kudos or interact with the original work.

I’m just sad about this.

#other

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magicinaframe-part2 · 5 months ago

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In An Earlier Era, A Movie Character Wants To Commit A Perfect Crime

Right at the beginning of UN TEMOIN DANS LA VILLE (Eng. title transl.: A Witness In The City - 1959), a tall, slender, well-dressed, handsome-looking man, maybe in his late 20s, pushes a shorter, attractive-looking young woman off of a speeding passenger train, as it approaches its destination in Paris, France.

This distinguished-looking character is arrested, brought to court, found ot guilty, and granted his freedom by the Court's Judge, in the Judge's chambers.

The character, named Pierre Verdier, subsequently heads home in his car, but in avoiding running over a dog, collides instead with another car. So, after making necessary arrangements with the other car's driver and getting his bearings, it takes Verdier a while to actually reach his home. And when he does so, he encounters someone who has already broken in and removed the house fuses.

Who is this character? Vedier knows who it is. It's the husband of the attracting-looking young woman who I watched Verdier push off of the speeding train. The character's name is Ancelin.

Ancelin has had one idea on his mind for quite some time -- to exact his personal justice, execute Verdier, and make it look like a suicide.

This all takes place in the space of something like the opening 6 or 7 minutes. The bulk of the plot of this 89-minute movie shows whether Ancelin's need for justice works out or not.

Many movie lovers, in the U.S., have hyperactive imaginations, so you -- you who are reading my words -- may have told yourself that, without watching the movie, you know whether Ancelin succeeds or not.

The logical question for me to ask any movie lover who says that they know whether Ancelin succeeds or not is "Then, do you want to find out if he does succeed?"

The movie has an English language title which I have indicated above. What about that word 'witness'?

Unless you do a search on-line, it's not likely that you would know that the word 'witness' in the title has a loose or subtle meaning. For instance, you could tell yourself "I saw Verdier push Ancelin's wife off of the train."

Did you witness the death of Ancelin's wife?

Were you in Court for Verdier's trial? There were no Courtroom scenes.

In chambers, the Judge says something to the effect that the Prosecution could not change the doubt that the Defense Attorney established. That sounded to me that Verdier was acquitted on technical grounds.

The word 'witness' in the title, in my humble opinion, actually refers to many characters -- and, by extension, everybody living in Paris who would likely pay attention to the news, day after day, as a matter of habit.

Most of the scenes in the movie were shot on location.

I am deliberately leaving out information that would easily give the plot of this fast-moving movie away.

I have to add that UN TEMOIN DANS LA VILLE's director, Edouard Molinaro, is an example of someone in France's movie industry who is not known to people in the U.S. who write about movies for a living. His directing career coincided with the likes of Truffaut, Chabrol, Godard, Varda, Resnais, Rivette et al. As with many of his director colleagues, he also collaborated on scripts.

In UN TEMOIN DANS LA VILLE, he was assisted by one of the French movie industry's respected cinematographers, Henri Decae, whose work, in itself, is one reason why the movie is a positive experience for me.

If any of this sounds interesting, UN TEMOIN DANS LA VILLE is available on DVD with English subtitles.

-- Drew Simels

#French New Wave Movies

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olderthannetfic · 2 years ago

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Full disclaimer, I'm a monolingual American from a privileged background (though I suspect that much would be pretty obvious frim reading).

I think part of the reason Americans always act like everything should be translated not just to English, but to American English is because up until very recently, almost everything WAS "translated" for us.

We Americans are so babied about language & culture, it's embarrassing. The Harry Potter books had to be "translated" because apparently we couldn't be trusted to figure out that a jumper was a sweater. I heard about an author of a true crime book just last year complaining about how "mum" had to be changed to "mom" for US release.

Then there's the American idea of exceptionalism which shows up not just as "we're the best, why would you want anything else?" but also as "wow, how weird are you for liking something that's FOREIGN?" At least when I was growing up, if you watched or read stuff in any other European language you're a snob. If you like anything from Asia you're a weirdo. (Of course, during my formative years, I was implicitly taught that Africa and South America did not produce any media worth consuming. If they had, clearly it would have been on TV because American TV had the best of everything /sarcasm)

Like when I got into anime in the 90s, Sailor Moon episode sequences had to be mirrored so american kids wouldn't get confused about the cars driving on the wrong side of the road, half the characters in anime were constantly eating "jelly donuts" because we apparently had no chance of comprehending rice balls. I was freaking astounded when Netflix started hosting K dramas with only subtitles, no dubs. Just the other week I was watching an anime that actually kept the honorifics in the dubbed version and my jaw dropped because I remember my friends and I (pre-speedy internet) trying to parse mysterious words like "chan" and "kun." My well educated and generally liberal father reacted to my announcement that I was going to study Japanese in college (10 years ago) by listing the war crimes committed by Japan in WW2 (tell me you have a white American dad without telling me you have a white American dad 🙄).

It's also the way foreign languages are taught in US schools. Not just the fact that we start late, but that it's rarely viewed as a priority. I distinctly remember thinking "why am I learning French? Even if I ever go to France I'm only gonna visit for like a week, definitely not enough to need a whole language." There was almost no effort made to explain that 1) there are other countries that speak French, 2) there are people IN THE US who speak French as a first language and 3) you'll have a much better time overseas if you don't come off as a dumb American tourist. Culture being tied to language was never addressed at all. And I went to a well funded private high school where half the teachers held PhDs with language teachers were native speakers. (Actually I think it was one of my French teachers who explained that we 15 year olds were too old to really learn a language successfully, so that's awesome)

Do not get me wrong, this is not an excuse for Americans being, ya know, American about language and cultural literacy. But this is not an easy mentality to shake and pointing it out to a lot of your fellow Americans will get you a rant about how ungrateful you are for "attacking" the best country in the world. Sometimes I look back on the kind of cultural censorship that is so damn prevalent even now and it gives me a headache because this whole country feels like a cult sometimes. I wish I could have studied language earlier in life, I wish I would have seen it as more than just a graduation requirement, and I wish I had the time to prioritize it now, but I didn't and I can't.

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kiranxrys · 5 years ago

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Alone Together Episode 1 Transcript - Alexander Siddig & Andrew Robinson

I hadn’t seen a transcript for this episode going around on Tumblr yet and I thought I would quickly make one to share with anyone who would prefer to read or wants to read along/revisit the first episode in text form (and the YouTube subtitles are mostly useless, annoyingly). Please let me know if you think I’ve made an error anywhere and I’ll amend it!

watch: one | two | three | four

read: two | three | four

ANNOUNCER (ON-SCREEN): ‘Alone Together’ - a DS9 companion, Episode 1 - ‘These Days’. It has been about 25 years since the Dominion War ended. The Federation isn’t quite the same. Starfleet is much more consistently militarized these days. Earth may be paradise, but humanity is less ideologically empathetic. Since the recent Romulan attempts to extinguish synthetic life by infiltrating Starfleet Command, benevolence is taking a backseat to security these days.

Elim Garak has been Castellan of the Cardassian Assembly since the new order was established following the Dominion War. Garak, of course, also has direct control over a newly resurrected Obsidian Order, though not by title.

Julian Bashir is still a doctor on Deep Space 9 but is also coordinating the activities of Section 31. What we’ve learned is that upon sharing a consciousness with Luther Sloane using stolen Romulan technology, his genetically enhanced brain committed much of what he learned to his eidetic memory. That information had to be contained but could be put to good use. He was given little choice in the matter. Maintaining his cover as a Chief Medical Officer in the Bajoran sector met his needs, and he saw no reason to change.

[fade to black]

JULIAN BASHIR (VOICE ONLY): Mission log, stardate 737114. I’m approaching Cardassia Prime in response to a rather enigmatic request for medical aid from Castellan Garak, the leader of the Cardassian government. Though it’s hardly surprising that Garak might be withholding information, it seems that a reunion of sorts will be forthcoming. I’ve left the Infirmary in the capable hands of Doctor Jabara while I’m off the station. I must admit, I’m not entirely sure what to expect.

JULIAN (ON-SCREEN): Bashir to Central Command, I’ve just entered orbit of Cardassia Prime, requesting approval to transport to Cardassia.

ELIM GARAK (VOICE ONLY): Stand by, Doctor. Don’t be in such a hurry.

JULIAN: Garak. I didn’t expect you to be at the Central Command, it’s good to hear your voice.

GARAK: My dear doctor, are we starting the lies already?

JULIAN (LAUGHING): It’s true, Garak. It’s good to hear your voice! That’s not a- Look, more importantly, if you’ll grant approval I can beam to your current location.

GARAK: Doctor, I’m not at Central Command. I’ve merely intercepted your subspace communications link. Unfortunately, Doctor, the Federation will not be setting foot on Cardassia today, and, to be quite honest, you don’t want to be here.

JULIAN: Garak, your message suggested some urgency in my arrival. Quite frankly, what the hell am I doing here if I can’t beam down?

GARAK: Would you uh- [laughs] believe pure, unadulterated nostalgia?

JULIAN: Would you?

GARAK (ON-SCREEN): [laughs] I missed you too Doctor. So, how is life on the station?

JULIAN: Well, Bajoran fashions just aren’t the same since you left.

GARAK: I’m sure.

JULIAN: But much of life has returned to what it once was, as much as it ever could, I suppose. Now-

GARAK: I was sorry to hear about Dax.

JULIAN: Thank you. I um… I miss Ezri every day. Ten years. I, well, that is- we, Dax and I, we tried to make it work. I- I was so happy Dax made it back to Trill on time. Cairn and I, we were very different people. He’s a botanist – can you imagine? Dax as a botanist. I suppose it’s why Keiko didn’t seem to mind my business as much. She and Dax had so much to talk about but, well, once the Symbiosis Commission discovered our continued relationship, well, we just uh- we couldn’t-

GARAK: Doctor, there’s no need to explain.

JULIAN: No. Dax always encouraged me to talk about my feelings, though there’s not much else to say, really. I had never really considered being in love with another man, but it was Dax. Ezri, Jadzia, even Cairn, it was Dax, is Dax. But we- we just couldn’t- I didn’t-

GARAK: It is difficult to find a good counselor to sort out our deepest sorrows these days.

JULIAN: I suppose it is.

GARAK: You’re an honourable man, Doctor. You loved Dax, you could do nothing less than your heart demanded. I know the pain of love all too well, especially a love that has everything working against it.

JULIAN: Ziyal.

GARAK: Ziyal, yes. Yes, even exiles have hearts, Doctor. Even [laughs] Elim Garak. When it comes right down to it, he has a heart as well. In fact, my heart is partially the reason why I’m here.

JULIAN: So, this is a house call? Damn it, Garak, why didn’t you tell me on subspace? What- what are your symptoms? Why don’t you want me to beam down?

GARAK: Well, so many questions, one hardly knows which to answer first.

JULIAN: Your symptoms, Garak. What is wrong with your heart?

GARAK: Well, it’s not just my heart, Doctor. Actually the most concerning symptom seems to be a degenerative condition that causes the ill to be especially susceptible to suggestion. Luckily my infection is relatively new, and rather unexplained as my exposure to the public tends to be limited to state functions and the like, you know, the life of a politician.

JULIAN: The ill? Garak, what are you saying?

GARAK: A virus, Doctor. Cardassia appears to be facing a- a minor health issue. We’re trying to contain the infection to one region, but we may have moved… far too late.

JULIAN: A minor health issue? You are a champion of understatement! ‘The ill’ suggests that this isn’t just about you but your ability to hide the facts seems to have been tainted over the years.

GARAK: Doctor?

JULIAN: Since your speech at the Lakarian City memorial, the ridges on your neck have grown paler and your breathing rate has increased.

GARAK: You liked my speech?

JULIAN: Damn it, Garak, you contacted me! How is this the first time that I’m hearing about this? Why is the planet not being quarantined? Your message said ‘medical aid’ – I assumed that I was just coming here as a preliminary consultation having something to do with one of your colonies. Now it sounds like an outbreak that needs to be contained.

GARAK: Doctor, quarantine means announcing the problem to the galaxy. This is an internal matter. You obviously don’t appreciate the severity of this virus, but you needn’t worry – no one is allowed to leave Cardassia, no one is currently being permitted to enter the atmosphere.

JULIAN: I cannot imagine you can contain the population without a reason. Just how bad is it?

GARAK: Oh, I’ve given them a reason, Doctor, but you shouldn’t worry about that. There are more important things requiring your focus right now.

JULIAN: Of course. How much- how many are infected?

GARAK: At last count, the virus had been contained to three continents. Nearly 68% of the population in those regions has been infected.

JULIAN: And you call it a ‘minor issue’ Garak?! That’s a pandemic!

GARAK: Doctor, when I say that the ill have developed a degenerative condition, I speak specifically of their thought processes. It is true that we have determined that it is a virus – a biological contaminant of sorts – but the Central Command is hardly a healthcare organization and while the degeneration is affecting the cardiopulmonary system as well, all of the symptoms seem to be driven by misfiring neurons, and therein lies the problem.

JULIAN: A virus that affects the brain is no small problem. The fact that early infections are showing in terms of dysfunction relatively mild systems doesn’t mean people won’t start to die.

GARAK: Yes, Doctor. And I haven’t.

JULIAN: My God, Garak. You’re infected.

GARAK: Why do you think I contacted you? I want the best.

JULIAN: And hoping that my genetic enhancements will allow me to diagnose your symptoms without scanning equipment?

GARAK: I really have missed your mistrust, Doctor. The physicians here have the tendency to avoid the necessary dispassion for harder truths. You, however, have a refreshingly forthright bedside manner.

JULIAN: Wow, a compliment. You must be neurologically compromised. Well of course, of course I’ll do everything that I can. Do you know anything more about the virus? How is it passed on? How does it proliferate in the body? Have your doctors attempted any therapies that show any promise?

GARAK: Well, it seems to take several days to propagate in the carrier. During that time, sufferers develop a rather serious cough... [inaudible] …the dispatcher reaches the brain so our assumption it that it is spread through the air. Most hospitals have been closed to all but the infected to try and control the outbreak. As a result, our doctors are learning from their patients as they are treating them. As it stands now, they can only treat symptoms. Medical staff is reporting to external bodies to ensure that anyone studying the infection isn’t also battling a neurological disease. Progress is limited and all too slow.

JULIAN: Garak, I’m not sure how I can help you if I can’t examine you or access your data.

GARAK: Doctor, I’m afraid I can’t allow you to put yourself at risk. After all, I’m counting on you to save us all. And I believe that an outside perspective may be exactly what we need.

JULIAN: So no pressure?

GARAK: You’re a bright man, Doctor – put that genetically-enhanced brain of yours to work.

JULIAN: Well, I can’t examine you from orbit. My shuttlecraft sensors may be able to me that you’re alive, they can isolate you for transport, but they can hardly determine more than the most modest of life signs, and while I can see outward symptoms, Garak, I can’t for the life of me figure out how to see through your skull. I suppose I could transport a tricorder down there for a preliminary scan.

GARAK: I’m afraid I can’t allow that, Doctor.

JULIAN: Oh, of course you can’t. Can you send me your most recent medical scans?

GARAK: Unfortunately, no.

JULIAN: And why not?

GARAK: All of my genuine medical records are routinely deleted and replaced with falsified data. All data rods in which those records once existed have been destroyed, all computers in which the data rods were placed have been vaporized. My dear doctor, I’m the leader of the Cardassian people! Especially now, I can’t afford to broadcast my weaknesses to all, to anyone who feels they could exploit them.

JULIAN: The more things change, the more they remain the same.

GARAK: Meaning?

JULIAN: A presumption of godliness, most certainly a great paranoia. You haven’t managed to find yourself a staff that you trust to protect your life. To be quite honest, I’m surprised your staff doesn’t have implants that allow you to control them.

GARAK: Oh, Doctor, your assumptions hurt me deeply! Of course they do. If news of this infection gets out, and I can’t be clearer than this, Cardassia will be devastated. And we won’t be the only world that will fall.

JULIAN: Garak, you seem to believe that I can cure this virus from orbit, without any information.

GARAK: Well, Doctor, this virus doesn’t only infect the average citizen. Everyone is at risk. Everyone – the government, the military. Imagine if only a few of their people were infected. They find it difficult to concentrate. They’re finding themselves susceptible to suggestion. And what if intelligence agents of foreign governments found their way to Cardassia during this crisis?

JULIAN: It could destroy the Cardassia you’ve been rebuilding for over two decades.

GARAK: Yes.

JULIAN: But quarantine would keep foreign nationals off-planet and keep the rest of us safe from infection, assuming it can even infect off-worlders.

GARAK: Again, Doctor, it would announce the problem before we have a solution.

JULIAN: But it could help produce the solution you so desperately need!

GARAK: The risk is too great, Doctor.

JULIAN: Garak! Lives are at stake!

GARAK: Hundreds, perhaps thousands, to save billions. Doctor – will. You. Help. Me?

JULIAN: First and foremost, I’m a doctor, Garak. And I’m your friend.

GARAK: Yes. One more thing we should keep to ourselves.

JULIAN: You know Garak… you are being more paranoid than usual. You remind me of the exiled tailor I met so many years ago.

GARAK: Ah, but as you said yourself Doctor, the more things change-

JULIAN: The more they stay the same. But Garak, so much has changed. You’re the leader of your people.

GARAK: Julian… let’s drop the pretensions, shall we?

JULIAN: Whatever do you mean?

GARAK: You know that I have rebuilt the Obsidian Order, and the reason that I know that you know is because I know that you are working for Starfleet Intelligence. Your posting at Deep Space 9 is merely your cover. Why would a religious sanctuary like Deep Space 9 need a doctor of your capability, with such a limited Starfleet presence? I must admit, you have done an excellent job of obscuring your intelligence role.

JULIAN: Dear, dear Garak. Have you been keeping tabs on me? I suppose of all people you would be the only person I might be able to trust with such information. Assuming any of your conclusions are true. But Starfleet still has a presence and Deep Space 9 is still a major way station for commerce and diplomacy in the Bajoran sector.

GARAK: Of course you can trust me with sensitive information Julian-

JULIAN: [chuckles]

GARAK: -at least until there’s a reason you can’t. Oh, but let’s hope it never comes to that. I do like you; I did from the very beginning. You may be my only true friend. Since Mila’s passing, our all too infrequent exchanges have been my only respite from a world without trust. The political world on Cardassia deplores a vacuum and the old ways are clung to, even after the war. It took me years to bring Cardassians around to another way of thinking. The arts are celebrated, the people are fed. Life is no longer a struggle, but… paranoia is rampant once more.

JULIAN: Then I suppose you’ve been the ideal leader.

GARAK: Well, I do appear to have the appropriate skill set and experience, yes.

JULIAN: You could always go back to being a plain, simple tailor.

GARAK (LAUGHING): You would be surprised by how many of my old vocations I still dabble in. I’ve even taken up taxidermy! Yes, it’s true! But stuffing a tribble isn’t as challenging as perhaps a six-legged [uncertain] marsupial, but it passes the time. And so many wonderful things fit inside an animal that need only trill to appear alive.

JULIAN: [laughs]

GARAK: But as you said Julian, you are my friend, and one of the things I learned from working in the Obsidian Order under Enabran Tain, was that friends are a liability. Enemies are easy. Friends… friends are the challenge. When I was his protégé I had a job to do, relationships were tools to achieve my objectives. I don’t have time for friends, I don’t have room for emotional attachments.

JULIAN: And then you were exiled.

GARAK: And then… I was exiled.

JULIAN: I had no idea.

GARAK: About what?

JULIAN: Am I your only friend?

GARAK: Well… the only one living.

JULIAN: You said that your cardiopulmonary system seems to be demonstrating symptoms consistent with this neurolytic virus.

GARAK: Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: I need to at least access the database being used by the off-site researchers working on a cure.

GARAK: I’m sorry to disappoint you, Doctor – I’ve never been an ideal patient, as you well know. But while I trust you, I cannot risk any access that Starfleet Intelligence might have built into your shuttle.

JULIAN: Garak, you’re tying my hands. Do you have access to a medical scanner? Can you scan yourself?

GARAK: I’ve been a tailor, a gardener, a spy, who’s to say I’m not a doctor as well?

JULIAN: I suppose stranger things have happened.

GARAK: Oh, a shapeshifter saved the galaxy by going for a swim, a Starfleet captain turned out to be a god, a Cardassian legate turned out to be the devil, you were married to a woman three centuries your senior – stranger things, my dear doctor, happen all the time.

JULIAN: You may have a point. Although to be fair, Dax is three hundred years older, not Ezri. Ezri was several years younger than me.

GARAK: Semantics, Doctor.

JULIAN: Ah, here we are.

GARAK: I’m sorry?

JULIAN: I’ve created an encrypted backdoor to your central database.

GARAK: Ooh, of course you did. Yes, but it won’t help you. Our researches are working in a closed system, it is impossible to access their research through the central network.

JULIAN: Damn it, Garak, I’m trying to help you! I encrypted the access, there was no danger to you or you people! I used a fractal regression to develop access points at either end.

GARAK: And I sincerely appreciate your efforts, Julian. That’s why you’re here. And of course that is why I am convinced no one else will be able to save us.

JULIAN: I cannot do this without any information about the pathogen. And even the smartest person in the galaxy would be hard-pressed to develop a cure to an unknown virus quickly enough to prevent its spread or knowledge of its existence to the outside world.

GARAK: I have faith in you, Doctor. And to put your mind at ease, you should know that very few citizens on Cardassia are even aware that they are infected. And I’ve committed the Order to a substantial misinformation campaign to keep it that way.

JULIAN: How long do you expect that to last? The longer the infected believe that they’re free to live their normal lives or even to travel to and from health centers for treatment for whatever malady they believe they have, the faster the real virus will spread.

GARAK: Well, it seems its symptoms vary in their intensity. The cough can be persistent or periodic. And when that initial symptom passes, the neurological symptoms cause sufferers to present a variety of ailments. It is only those doctors who discovered the virus and were subsequently visited by some associates that are aware of the larger problem. And they are the very physicians currently researching the virus on my behalf.

JULIAN: If you are able to contact them then there’s no reason that I can’t access their data!

GARAK: Doctor, we’ve been through this.

JULIAN: Garak, we’ve been through a lot of things!

GARAK (LAUGHING): Yes.

JULIAN: You didn’t call me here to explain Cardassia’s post-war isolationist bureaucracy!

GARAK: [laughs]

JULIAN: I came because a friend in need asked me!

GARAK: You didn’t know why I called you, Doctor. So please, don’t offer me your selfless pretense.

JULIAN: Pretense?! You think after all this time your lives and deceptions would keep me from helping you? I can tell when you’re lying Garak, and you know when I’m telling the truth. I promise you that no one will ever know about your role in the cover-up of the virus, at least not from me.

GARAK: I… I want you to set course for the southern polar region of Cardassia Prime. The magnetic interference will make it more difficult for prying eyes to access your subspace signal. You’ll find that my alleged paranoia has a purpose.

JULIAN: Computer, set course 118 mark 72.

COMPUTER: [chimes] Acknowledged.

JULIAN: Engage at one-quarter impulse.

COMPUTER: Course laid in. [chimes]

JULIAN: My signal was encrypted from the very beginning. I assume the same is true of the signal you used to isolate and redirect my subspace carrier wave. Isn’t it a little bit late to begin worrying now, Garak?

GARAK: Our signal may be secure between one another, but any system can be breached given enough time and expertise. And what I have to tell you…

JULIAN: Just tell me, Garak. I’m over the polar region as you asked.

GARAK: Yes, so you are, so you are. Now, good, wait- wait… Good. Now that we’re comfortably alone, let me ask you this: do viruses normally pop up undetected in a population with little to no prior warning? And how many unknown pathogens exist in a planetary ecosystem with our level of technological development?

JULIAN: Well, to be quite honest, pathogens can unexpectedly adapt or cross species barriers. Centuries ago on Earth, industrial pollution led to a climate change which in turn caused previously isolated microorganisms to be released into the biosphere.

GARAK: Yes, you truly have an answer for everything.

JULIAN: It comes in handy. But I suspect you’re going somewhere with this so please, continue.

GARAK: Our research has found some… peculiarities in the viral RNA, and admittedly I don’t understand all of the specifics, but, to put it bluntly, the virus has been engineered. I’m sending you two images of the viral RNA we’ve discovered. The images are all that I can risk sending you now. If you can find the source, you may find a cure. Alternatively, if a cure was not developed… you can avenge my death.

JULIAN: Not currently one of my skill sets, Garak. But why the pretense? You could’ve told me this immediately- actually, don’t answer that. I’ll need some time to do an analysis of this to determine what might work to counteract the viral infection. Annoyingly, there is no systemic treatment that I can even begin to research without knowing the underlying cause. But over the last twenty-five years, you must’ve made all sorts of new enemies. According to the latest intelligence, the only dangerous political intrigue is coming out of the Romulan Empire these days.

GARAK: Yes, well, leading a government comes with its own risks, to be sure, Doctor. But why do they have to be new enemies? Of course the Romulans have never been great fans of mine – I mean I left their embassy’s grounds-keeping staff so many years ago. Oh, those poor orchids, they’ll never be the same. And there’s always Kai.

JULIAN: The Kai.

GARAK: Ah, Kira- Kira, dear Kira’s never been a fan of mine.

JULIAN: We both know that Nerys would have never worked this slowly if she wanted to kill you.

GARAK: [laughs]

JULIAN: And she would only kill you. But Nerys is hardly the same person since she left the militia to join the Vedek Assembly, and now that she’s the Kai, this level of genetic manipulation would have to accomplished by someone with intimate knowledge of the Cardassian physiology as well as the capacity to evade security of your medical system.

GARAK: Yes, although like I said, it is an internal Cardassian matter. I’m sure there are plenty of elder Cardassians who would enjoy watching my life come to an end from torture. Dukat’s father- I mean, uh… [laughs] to one kanar-induced tryst with the man himself, to finally becoming involved with Ziyal, and whatever else-

JULIAN: Wait- wait, wait, wait you- hang on, you- you and Dukat?

GARAK: Ooh, yes. Surprising, isn’t it? Yes, two nights, maybe, before my exile, I’d been feeling quite powerful. I wouldn’t have normally lowered my guard even among my fellow Cardassians. Dukat was enjoying his second bottle of kanar, was looking for someone to blame for his most recent failures to overcome the Bajoran resistance, and there I was. He promised my death from across Quark’s bar. Later that evening he found his way back to my table to apologize – uncharacteristic, absolutely, to be sure. But kanar can do that to a man. We stole away to a quiet corner on the second level to talk, and then we found our way to an unoccupied holosuite.

JULIAN: I don’t know what to say.

GARAK: Well, I don’t need to tell you, Doctor – it was an unplanned direction for my evening to take. And suffice to say it didn’t soften Dukat’s general opinion of me. [laughs] He did keep his distance for a long time afterward.

JULIAN: So, that story had a happy ending, if you’ll pardon the pun.

GARAK: Pun?

JULIAN: Uh, it- it’d be funny on Earth. Though tragic, too – sort of like a sad clown, really. Miles will love it.

GARAK: Doctor, could we perhaps find out what is slowly eating away at me before revealing my darkest secrets to Professor O’Brien over an ale.

JULIAN: Of course, of course. I think the first step is to cross-reference known immunogenic agents that could have been introduced into your system. Even if the virus is a new pathogen, its mode of infection could be a million different things. You should review your schedule and try and determine an environment over which your control was limited, a place where the food and drink could’ve been tampered with or perhaps a place where you could have been unexpectedly exposed to an air assault. But… about this dalliance with Dukat-

GARAK: Oh Doctor, please. Provincial human attitudes aside-

JULIAN: Of course.

GARAK: -your species didn’t always have synthehol, and every species seems to go through a period of poor choices. Believe it or not, Cardassians are a passionate people, a people who yearn to find joy wherever it may lie. And remember, that we were in the midst of a Bajoran occupation and there wasn’t much joy to be had for those of us assigned to Terok Nor. Decades later, my reforms are helping to shape a modern Cardassia.

JULIAN: Understood. Though I take exception to the word ‘provincial’.

GARAK: Oh, of course you do. Now, let me take a look at my agenda… According to my doctors, I could have been exposed more than a month ago.

JULIAN: A month? Well, you certainly waited long enough to contact me.

GARAK: Well, well we do have doctors on Cardassia, and I wouldn’t be much of a leader if I didn’t look to my own people before seeking outside assistance. However, I’m not naïve enough to trust them completely. And what kind of leader would I be if I did?

JULIAN: Fair enough. I need to get some biometric information, please, from you if I’m even to begin researching cures. Can you transport yourself to a hospital with proper scanning equipment that I can access?

GARAK: Oh dear, I- I- I can do better than that, Doctor. I can do better than that. My residence is equipped with some of the best holographic technology in the quadrant – what type of equipment do we need?

JULIAN: I didn’t realize Cardassia had made such strides in holography.

GARAK: Oh, the technology is Federation, actually. Cardassian engineers build wonderful ships, but their work with artificial intelligence isn’t what it should be. Political life has its perks – I even have an EMH.

JULIAN: Well can I talk to him?

GARAK: Doctor, he’s obviously offline during this crisis. We’re wasting time better spent on the issue at hand! Now shall we begin?

JULIAN: Alright. Well the first thing we’ll need is a standard biobed with-

GARAK: Doctor, doctor, wait- I’m detecting a coherent signal directed at your shuttle. Yes, the magnetic currents over the poles should’ve obscured your presence. We may have a problem.

JULIAN: Hang on, it looks like an encrypted subspace signal… but I can’t determine the origin. Stand by, I’m trying- it’s… it’s from Earth. Well, I think I’ve got it. One moment… Jake?

[fade to black]

[CREDITS]

#ds9 #deep space nine #garashir #julian bashir #elim garak #alone together #long post #writing this out forced me to write about garak and d*kat f*cking and i absolutely hate that

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agendratum · 5 years ago

Text

i decided that i need to mumble yet again

when i was watching cql for the fist time i somehow managed to miss the fact that it was lwj who cut off jgy’s arm. i guess i was too busy reading subtitles and also just being generally scared that this asshole was gonna come up with yet another idea to ruin everybody’s already ruined day. on the second rewatch of this scene my brain finally connected the dots, and i actually saw that wen ning missed and it was lwj’s sword covered in blood.

i also love the cold determination on lwj’s face and slight shock on wwx’s face during that scene

most of the people in the temple at this point wanted jgy to die. but most of them also were kinda preoccupied with other things in the moment. while lwj was just done. he was done with jgy hurting people, especially hurting people he loves, especially hurting wei ying. in a span of last few hours jgy managed to threaten wei ying’s life with that freaking string, play his evil music, almost murder jc, then threaten jin ling’s life with a string AGAIN. you know what he wouldn’t be able to do without an arm? all of that. also didn’t he threaten to cut off wei ying’s hand? (something that happened to wwx more than once, and once is already too much. seriously, what is wrong with you people?) so yeah, guess whose hand actually getting cut off.

the thing is in that moment lwj could have killed jgy and no one would say anything against him. most of the people in the temple would just feel relief. but, unfortunately for everybody in the room, lan zhan loves his brother too much. and lan xichen already was having probably the worst day in his life, definitely top 5, and lan xichen didn’t want jgy to die. so instead lan zhan minimized the possible damage that jgy still had power to cause. he could still talk as much as he wanted to (but honestly, it seemed to me he didn’t feel that enthusiastic about talking after his arm was cut off) but you can’t really choke people or play evil music in that condition.

and i feel like that was such a catharsis after all the events of that evening. after everything that jgy done. after everything he managed to do in just one evening, honestly. after every ruined life, lwj’s included, after all the damage. because what happened after that, when jgy actually died, didn’t feel as much of a win and felt kinda bad (wouldn’t want him to walk out of the temple alive tho, so i’m just vibing with nhs here). but that moment, when lwj was standing there, with a bloodied blade and no regrets, accompanied by the triumphant music - that felt good and right.

and for the conclusion let me elaborate on “unfortunately for everybody in the room, lan zhan loves his brother too much“ a bit. this is, in my opinion, indeed quite unfortunate for most of the people in the room, as if, i feel, lwj actually was the one to kill jgy, it just would be less painful? can i phrase it like that?

of course lan xichen would still feel terrible, his heart and trust broken, his life filled with lies, the man he loved dead (no matter what kind of love you read it as). but i think there is a huge difference between lan wangji righteously killing jgy for all the crimes he committed and lan xichen being tricked (yet again) into killing, i repeat, the man he loved. is it still painful? yes. is it entirely different situation? also yes. i don’t know what that would mean for their relationship later on, but still. and i think lwj would also agree that it would be easier, in a way, to bear the fact the he killed the man his brother loved, than to see his brother broken, a shell of a man he was before that temple (i’m a firm believer that lan xichen wil recover and he’s happier in my post-canon universe, but right after the events in the temple he looked, well, not great).

it also would help nhs not ruin what left of his relationship with everybody. he wouldn’t have to trick lan xichen into killing jgy (helps his relationship with both lxc and lwj). and even tho everyone would still find out that he wasn’t as helpless as he wanted everybody to think he was, that transition between two nie huaisangs would go smoother. (i’m also a firm believer that nhs’s relationships with his friends? aren’t ruined entirely in any case and he will later make up with at least wwx but still)

everybody else in the temple? i don’t think it would change much for them, jgy still would end up dead and it would mean different thing for all of them. but i just feel like the whole situation with lan xichen was really painful for anybody present there. lan wangji killing jgy would at least be understandable.

and this is i think is the end of the essay, i feel like i missed the point of a phrase “elaborate a bit” but you know what. i got it out of my mind.

#look! i'm actually using the read more feature this time #the untamed #cql #lan wangji #jin guangyao #lan xichen #wei wuxian #nie huaisang #meta #is it meta for me to mumble?#wwx #lwj

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whiskehorange · 5 years ago

Note

Um may I get some Hellboy and Abe with a (male if possible) reader that is a giant weeaboo and likes anime and manga?

oh heck yeah

Hellboy

Hellboy doesn’t mind at all, he can relate to being an avid oldies and record collector like you watch and read anime and manga

There isn’t a time where he’s open to watching an anime with you, but it might be a bit hard to get him to sit still for long enough to actually be committed to a longer season

But once you get him hooked on a series, he’s all about it! Any chance the two of you get he’s asking to continue on. Watch out though, if he’s alone and has down time, he’s going to continue without you

He’s just really glad there’s subtitles, it builds up his ability to read faster now

Will totally wear shirts with you of your favorite anime, just hope they have one in his size

Abe

Oh, Abe absolutely loves spending time with you to watch anime and read manga! If you couldn’t guess, he definitely prefers to read the manga, but will sit with you and watch if you’d like

If you don’t watch with subtitles, that okay too! I firmly believe that Abe does or can learn Japanese very fast if he doesn’t know already

It gives him something else to do an something actually entertaining to read rather than studying or reading case files

He dedicates a whole section of his library to mangas of yours and his, even carrying a book around with him from time to time to indulge in

Loves talking to you after an episode or few pages, discussing the plot and how you felt about it

Also doesn’t mind wearing anime related shirts either! Abe needs a new wardrobe anyways

#hellboy x reader #abe sapien x reader

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wingedchildqueen · 4 years ago

Text

Thunderstorm Kisses

Well my god. I wrote this five years ago, under my old tumblr account that I deleted by mistake and thought I had lost it forever, as I had also lost the laptop I typed it on. I suddenly remembered the name of it and took a chance searching it up and what do you know. Tumblr aint completely useless. The post still exists even though the account is dead. This is a dead fandom, I’m quite aware but I’m posting it here for documentation sake and for any lucaya fans who may be still floating around on this god forsaken platform. Much love and happy reading. P.S My writing has gotten better since this was written (God I hope) lol but I have not edited or altered anything because I think my 18 year old self's writing style should be left as it is for the sentimentality of it all. Warning: This is so cringy, cheesy and teeny boppy (if that's a thing) eeekk

He’d always wondered what she tasted like. If her kisses would be as electric as the thunderstorm in her eyes. He knew it was wrong to have these thoughts when he had been in a relationship with her best friend for almost two years, and he loved Riley, he really did. But when this girl was always in his face , challenging him, teasing him and threatening him relentlessly, all he could do was stare down at this raging blond fury, and over time he happened to notice that she had the pinkest lips he had ever seen, almost perfectly shaped, with a permanent smirk that was always directed at him and he began to wonder what they tasted like.

He would catch himself thinking about her at the most random times. Strawberry lips and sunshine hair would flood his mind and afterwards he would hate himself for it because he knew he should be thinking about warm chocolate eyes and chestnut hair, but it was hard to do that when a sea of electric blue always invaded and washed away these thoughts.

After almost two years of letting her verbally and physically abuse him, he had finally begun to fight back. Not because he was sick of it, or because he wanted to hurt her, but because he knew she liked when he did, and he would do anything to see that fire in her eyes intensify. The first time he had actually fought back, by responding to one of her verbal jabs with a very clever remark in his opinion, her eyebrows had shot up in surprise and he was not sure if he should stay or run from her wrath, but surprisingly she had smiled. Though, he could not have been sure, because it had only lasted for an instant, until her face fell back to its usual smirk and she proceeded to call him one of her ever creative names in response. He noticed that she smiled a lot, especially with Riley, but he also noticed that a lot of her smiles were always a little too hard, or with a little too much teeth and they never really reached her eyes. He had never seen someone so committed to assuring the happiness of their best friend. She would sell her soul for Riley. Riley’s happiness was Maya’s occupation and he wished that she realized her happiness was important too and sometimes he would want so badly to tell her she was worth everything and more, and she deserved the world but he could not do that. They would be no windowsill conversations between them, no heart to hearts because he was Ranger Rick and she was his girlfriend’s best friend. And that was that.

He found her crying one time, underneath a staircase at school. He had never seen her cry before. The school was nearly empty and Riley had had cheerleading practice. He was not sure what to do at first, if he should just walk away and call Riley, but then a sob came from her that nearly broke his heart, and never in his life had he felt such a need to fix someone. She sat in the corner of the staircase, her knees drawn to her chest and her face in her hands, her hair cascading down her shoulders. Her shoulders shook and his insides hurt. He didn’t think she knew anyone was looking at her so he called her name. She remained in the same position and he called her name again. No response. She had to have heard him. She probably thought if she didn’t acknowledge him he would eventually go away but he refused to do anything of that sort. Without a second thought, he walked towards her tiny figure and slid down the wall next to her. He felt her body tense and then put his arm around her, pulling her into him. She lay stiff in his arms but he held on. After a few minutes he felt her finally relax against him and her head fell heavily against his shoulder. Her sobs had subsided but she still shook a little. His grip tightened and he rested his head against hers. Never did someone fit so perfectly in his arms. He heard her sigh, a sigh that sounded like it was filled with so much world weariness. They never spoke of it afterwards, it was as if it had never happened and though she had never told him to, he knew he was not supposed to tell Riley that he had found her crying. It was an unspoken agreement. The only acknowledgment that he got that had proven what had happened had not been a figment of his imagination was when the very next day their eyes had locked briefly across their lunch table with Riley and Farkle in the cafeteria and she had given him a small smile. Of gratitude? He couldn’t be sure but he thinks it was probably the most genuine smile he had ever seen on her face, even though her lips had only slightly turned upwards, but no matter how small, it had gotten to her sea glass eyes.

He could feel there dynamic slowly changing. He wasn’t sure he could say they were becoming friendlier with each other but they were becoming…something more than just two teenagers who tolerated each other for the sake of a mutual friend. They no longer needed Riley to be there to feel comfortable in each other’s presence. One day, all four of them, him, Riley, Farkle and Maya, were supposed to meet at “Topanga’s” to hang out but it had just ended up being the two of them as Farkle had ditched them to hang out with the AV club and Riley had to babysit Auggie at the last minute. He would have thought that Maya would have left to go and help Riley with Auggie but surprisingly she had stayed and it was then he had found out that she was a really good listener. Sitting opposite each other in one of the booths, with her hands clasped together on top of the table she listened as he told her about Texas sunsets, and how beautiful the horses looked when they ran together in the fields and how he had always woke up at five every morning to do things around his grandparents farm. He told her how much he missed his old home and his family and how sometimes New York could be so suffocating with all its skyscraper buildings and millions of people. Not once did she call him a name or interrupt him as he told her, she just listened. At the end of it, it was silent for a moment and she just stared at him with her piercing eyes, as if she was searching for something in him. After a moment she leaned back and said to him,

“ Even though here might not feel like home, always remember that we will always be your family, no matter what.” She told him this without her gaze ever wavering from his face and he thinks that that was the moment he started to fall in love with her.

He began to walk her home nearly every day after school especially on the days when they all hung out till dark. The first time he did, he realized how far she lived from Riley’s house, nearly five blocks and her neighborhood was not exactly the safest, especially in the night. The first few times she fussed about it and told him it wasn’t necessary but eventually she realized she could not convince him otherwise and it became a pattern. No matter how much she claimed she could take care of herself he always noticed how she would draw nearer to him whenever they walked passed a dark ally or she received a random catcall from a pedestrian across the street. In those moments it would take everything he had within him to prevent himself from enclosing her hand in his just to assure her that he was right here beside her, that nothing in hell could hurt her with him here. In those walks he found out a lot about her. That her mom changed jobs all the time and worked triple shifts and sometimes days would go by without her seeing her. He learned that her sick grandmother lived with them and that she tried to get home as soon as possible to make her dinner and watch tv with her. He got the impression that aside from Riley, her Grandma was her best friend. Her eyes always lit up when she spoke of her.

One day after almost six months of walking her home, she finally invited him inside. He could see how nervous she was as she fumbled open the door of the apartment. “It’s not much,” she had mumbled to him and he had told her he didn’t care if she lived in a box on the worst alley in New York. She laughed at that and he saw her relax a little. Her laugh was like a drug to him, and like any addict, whenever he rarely evoked one from her, he found himself on this high. She introduced him to her grandmother who hugged him with a grip so fierce it startled him. He could have seen that she had been beautiful when she was younger. He now knew where Maya had gotten her looks from. Her grandmother had held his hand while sitting on her rocking chair and studied him for a significant amount of time, with eyes very similar to Maya’s. She then turned to Maya and announced that it was abnormal for a boy to have such a beautiful face. He laughed and then heard Maya scoff behind him. He turned to her and winked and she rolled her eyes. She walked towards the small kitchen and he swore he glimpsed a smile that she tried to hide behind her hair. He helped her make dinner, despite her refusal, and though it was only Mac and cheese, it was probably the best meal he had ever had as he ate next to her on the couch in the living room, opposite her grandmother as they watched some Spanish soap opera with no english subtitles. Though he had no idea what they were saying he laughed along with Maya and her grandmother and he thinks this was the happiest he had ever seen her. Afterwards he stood next to her in the kitchen by the sink as she washed the dishes and he dried and in that moment he felt like this was something he would like to do for the rest of his life, not just wash dishes, but just stand next to her, unconsciously bumping shoulders, and brushing fingers, as she passed the dishes to him, that sent shivers down his spine.

He helped her make dinner at least three times a week and her grandmother loved him. She would pass him worried looks whenever her grandma barely touched her food, which was most nights, and he would fix the antenna on the television on the nights they tended to get a lot of static. He looked forward to these nights, more than anything else and though she would never admit it, he didn’t know how grateful Maya was for him coming. He made her nights less lonely.

One night, just after they had washed the dishes, they heard thunder rumble outside and in a few minutes there was a full out storm raging outside. They stood by the window and watched as lightning streaked the sky outside. He felt her turn her head to watch him and he met her gaze. She shrugged her shoulders and turned on her heel, heading for her room. How he knew that that was her way of giving him permission to stay the night? He wasn’t sure, but at some point they had begun to understand each other without the use of words. He stood still for a moment and eventually followed her into the room where she had already thrown a sheet and pillow on the floor for him. He told her that he could sleep on the couch but she just shook head, mumbling something about her grandma groaning in the night and he would never get any sleep on the couch.

Later on, they lay in the dark, with him on the floor and Maya on her bed. They lay in silence and he listened to her breathing and thought of a lot of things. He thought of Riley, innocent Riley, who was probably sleeping and he felt guilty because she was so kind, and beautiful and loving and he didn’t deserve any of it as he lay on the floor of her best friend’s bedroom, her best friend who he was falling in love with one Spanish soap opera at a time. And then he thought of Maya, and everything she was, and how brightly she burned in this black and white life she did not deserve and how underneath the entire tough façade she put on at school she was just a girl trying to hold it all together the best that she could with a sick grandmother and an almost absent mother and he thought of how he so much wanted to give her a life she deserved.

He heard ruffling of sheets and then the thudding of feet landing on the floor and the next thing he knew she was lying next to him. There was absolutely no physical contact, and they both just lay there, staring at the ceiling and he could feel her warmth, so close to him, part of her hair, which was fanned out on the floor tickled his neck. He turned on his side to look at her and she mirrored him and they both lay staring at each other intently. He fell asleep drowning in a sea of blue.

They didn’t talk about how the next morning they woke up wrapped up in each other, feet intertwined and his arms around her and her face in his neck. They didn’t talk about how they lay there for a few moments, without moving, even though they both were already awake and should have long detangled. Those things remained unspoken.

He could feel Riley beginning to suspect something. Innocent Riley who should not have to suspect these kinds of things. He wasn’t sure exactly what had made her aware of it, maybe it was the lingering glances between him and Maya in the cafeteria or the fact that Maya taunted him less and less these days or that he and Maya stood a little too close to each other by the lockers. She could feel her eyes on him at certain times, especially when they hung out together as a group and he couldn’t help but feel terrible. It wasn’t as if they had kissed or anything but he could feel Riley’s eyes burning into him and feared that she could see into his mind and see exactly what he was thinking. Maya, Maya, Maya.

He knew Maya could feel her suspicion too and they cut down his number of visits to once a week as much as he hated it. It wasn’t as if they were doing anything wrong even though, in reality they really were.

One afternoon, both him and Maya stood at Riley’s locker waiting for her to finish cheerleading practice. They had begun to laugh about something, something entirely stupid but it had him gasping for breath as he laughed and she bent over holding her stomach. They were a mess, even though whatever it was had not even been that funny. He steadied her from toppling over with laughter and she leaned against him heavily. Eventually they calmed down, leaning against the lockers with their shoulders pressed against each other. He looked at her, her hair an absolute mess and laughed, gently pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear and smoothing down the rest with his two hands. She smiled as he did this and suddenly there faces were so close to each other and he could feel her breath on his face with the scent of peppermint and she was so close and so warm and……

He heard someone clearing their throat and there stood Riley, her hands clenched at her sides and they both straightened up. He hated being responsible for that look of hurt in her eyes. Maya looked down at her shoes and he felt sorry for her as well. She had been trying so hard , all her life, to protect her friend from the hurt of the world and here she was, the person to hurt her, sealed and delivered.

Him and Riley’s three year relationship ended that night over the phone with a lot of silence and sharp words from her side of the conversation. You would think after three years he would feel hurt and be mourning the loss if his girlfriend, but instead, he felt free. He called Maya but she did not answer the phone. He tried a few more times but it went straight to voicemail.

He thought that maybe she just felt bad about the entire Riley situation and that at school he would assure her that everything was alright and that Riley was not even that mad anyways, but for three days she didn’t show up to school and he felt a panic rise in him. He didn’t ask Riley because she still wasn’t talking to him and obviously Farkle, his supposed best friend was taking her side. She still would not pick up her phone and with nothing else to do he found himself walking towards her apartment after school. He knocked on her door loudly and anxiously. There was no response. Where was she? He knocked again and shook the handle only to find that the door was open. The pace of his heart increased rapidly and his palms began to sweat. Why was her door open and why did he suddenly feel so scared? He slowly pushed open the door and there she sat on the couch, in front of the television that blasted a Spanish soap opera. As familiar as this scenario was to him, he could not help but feel something was missing. Only then did he realize the empty rocking chair and the door to her grandmother’s room that was wide open showcasing a stripped mattress and boxes on the floor for packing. Everything connected and his eyes fell back to her on the couch, knees drawn to her chest and unseeing eyes glued to the television. If he looked closely he could have seen that her hands trembled as they wrapped around her legs. He could see that she was trying desperately to hold herself together. “Oh Maya,” he said and he dropped his book bag to the floor and made his way to the couch. He enveloped her into his arms and this time she didn’t tense but completely melted into him. She buried her face in his chest and he rested his chin on her head, smoothing his hand over her hair and she cried and shook and soaked his t-shirt with her tears. And in that moment he held her together.

He held her hand at the funeral and stayed with her at the grave until everyone else left so she could say her goodbyes without the whole world to witness and just him, and he was not allowed to stay because he didn’t matter, but because he did. He took her for ice cream afterwards instead of them going back to the apartment to be surrounded by sad stories and the sickening smell of flowers. He tried to make her laugh and she appreciated it even though the most she could muster was a bitter smile. They stood on the sidewalk outside the ice cream shop and he held her hand tightly and whispered to her that it was all going to be okay and she rested her head on his shoulder. Death sucked, but it sucked a little less when you had someone to hold onto.

The first time he kissed her, they were on her fire escape. They had started to sit there a lot now because watching Spanish soap operas just really was never the same anymore. He was telling her about the stars in Texas and how when you looked up at night you could see billions of them dotting the sky unlike the too bright city of New York that drowned out the night sky. They lay on their backs looking at the sky and he had challenged her that she probably could not even count twenty stars in New York’s night sky. Of course she had looked at him determinately and started to count, hell bent to find twenty-one stars, the one extra just to make him look like an ass. And of course she did count twenty one stars exactly and she raised her arms in triumph above her head and then turned to give him the most breathtaking smile he had ever seen. This smile met her eyes and lit up her entire face, and she was brighter than any Texas sky. He took her face in both his hands and kissed her. She tasted like coffee and strawberries and Spanish soap operas and night skies and he loved her so much his heart hurt. She pulled away from him and looked at him, her eyes wide and questioning. He nodded his head in response to her unasked question and pulled her back in and his hands threaded through her sunshine hair. Her hands wrapped behind his neck and their bodies fit in ways that was too perfect too describe.

He no longer had to wonder if her kisses were as electric as the thunderstorm in her eyes. They were. And she tasted like everything he could ever want and in her arms and lost in her lips, he knew;

He was home

#lucaya #girl meets world #rileymatthews #maya hart #sabrina carpenter #rowan blanchard #lucayafic #farkle minkus #lucas #peyton meyer #girlmeetsworldfanfiction

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daresplaining · 5 years ago

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So, in one of your posts you mentioned that you could write a lot about the different contexts in which Danny introduces himself as Danny vs. the Iron Fist. Is there any chance we could ever read those thoughts. Thank you so much for running such an amazing blog; I love it.

I want to preface this with a general statement and apology:

This blog has slowed down a bit in the last… year? Ish? Possibly longer? And this is because life has gotten much more hectic for a variety of reasons. My wonderful co-blogger has been busy enough that she doesn’t really have time to blog anymore, and my life has been fairly chaotic as well. There are messages in the inbox that have been there for a really long time (this one included), and I want to assure you that they will be answered, and that this blog does, in fact, still welcome questions! Thank you all so much for your patience, hello to any new followers, keep on Daredevilling, wash your hands… and now, let’s talk about our boy Danny!

(Context: The post being referenced is this one.)

MCU Danny’s overall story arc orbited around concepts of identity. The entire first season of Iron Fist is an identity quest– Danny returns to Earth, has his identity as Danny Rand stripped away and fights to reclaim it, has his identity as the Iron Fist challenged and fights to defend that, and then is faced with the question of how to balance both of those identities– his adherence to the honor and duties of being the Iron Fist, but informed by his sensibilities and past life as Danny Rand. At the end of the season, he makes the wise choice to return to K’un-Lun to continue his training, to focus more on his role as an Immortal Weapon, only to discover that… something horrible has happened to his home. The truth of what actually happened to K’un-Lun was a mystery that was never answered, and remains for me one of these shows’ most frustrating cliffhangers. But regardless, this discovery is a bomb dropped in the middle of his identity quest. He believes his home was invaded, and it’s notable that his traumatic nightmares of his parents’ deaths are replaced by nightmares of K’un-Lun’s destruction. He feels he cannot fully claim the title of Iron Fist anymore because he has failed in his duties. He has failed his family, his home, the people he was supposed to protect. But he also clings to that identity more tightly than ever as he commits every moment of his life to righting that wrong, to fixing this unforgivable mistake. He is angry and grieving when we see him in The Defenders, his identity a painful, mixed-up thing, and this fact has to be taken into account as we look at the ways Danny introduces himself in that show.

Overall, my feeling is that I’m thinking a lot more about this than the writers were, but hey, it’s still fun to examine. Let’s take a look…

[ID: A screenshot of Danny Rand and Colleen Wing in a dark, green-tinged tunnel, kneeling next to an injured man (Shaft, a member of the Chaste).]

Danny (subtitle): “My name is Danny. I’m hunting members of the Hand.”

This, his first introduction in the show, is a telling one. He is here in a professional capacity as the Iron Fist, doing strictly Iron Fist business (hunting the Hand), fully embodying that identity, yet he doesn’t introduce himself as such. Instead, he’s just “Danny”. (Note: not “Danny Rand”. Danny’s association with the name Rand is another complicated topic that I’ll get back to later.) This is in spite of the fact that he has reason to assume, given that Shaft knows about the Hand, that he would know about the Iron Fist legacy as well.

This can be taken a few different ways. It’s possible that he’s using Danny as just as shorthand; it’s more personal, and he may want to put Shaft at ease by using his civilian name. Or, at this early stage, having now suffered yet another failure of being unable to protect Shaft, it could be reflective of the fact that he doesn’t feel worthy of the title. He is shocked when Shaft recognizes him as the Iron Fist– maybe because he didn’t think Shaft would be so informed, maybe because he is embarrassed and ashamed to be addressed as such.

[ID: Screenshot of Danny standing in Colleen’s dojo, arms folded, looking intensely sincere. He is speaking to Luke Cage (off-screen).]

Danny: “I’m the Immortal Iron Fist.”

And here we have the exact opposite. The above scene with Shaft is very intimate, personal, emotional. Danny is avoiding his Iron Fist identity, downplaying himself. Everything is very quiet and desperate and genuine.

Here, though… Danny is wearing a mask. He is introducing himself in a succinct, summarizing way; projecting an image, providing information. His personal feelings about his identity are completely absent from this scene, because no way in hell is he going to reveal that vulnerable side of himself to someone he barely knows and doesn’t trust (yet). He is also reacting to Luke’s behavior, which up until this point has been dismissive at best, violent at worst. Luke is a sore spot here: a person who Danny initially thought was working with the Hand, and who he struggled to beat in a fight. If Danny was ashamed before, he is extra humiliated now, standing in front of Luke and being scoffed at (“Oh, this is a joke. Come on”).

And so he presents himself as the powerful, in-control Iron Fist he doesn’t actually believe himself to be (“I can answer myself” etc.), throws down a Clif-Notes version of his backstory so Luke can understand who he is, what he was doing when they first met, and why he is a trustworthy ally/asset, and introduces himself with the most formal, intimidating version of his title. Danny is recovering from a bruised ego, and wants the unpleasantness out of the way so that he can continue with his mission– and if Luke is capable of helping, then he wants to make that connection with as little angst and fuss as possible. He needs Luke to know that he is the Iron Fist, even if he doesn’t feel like he actually is.

[ID: Screenshot of Danny strolling into the lobby of Midland Circle, wearing a business suit.]

Receptionist: “Name, please.”

Danny: “Daniel Rand, of Rand Enterprises.”

Having seen one mask, we now get to see the other– this one much more fabricated, though he pulls it off with STYLE. (That swagger! I love this scene.) This is Business Danny at his Business Danny-est: Daniel Rand of Rand Enterprises, wearing a tie and everything. Danny is not a businessperson, as he himself says. He has never been a businessperson. He has never wanted to be a businessperson. And, as he also readily admits, he is not a very good businessperson. But it’s a mask he tried on in IF Season One for identity quest purposes– to tether himself to the Rand name, his civilian identity, which was his sole remaining connection to Earth and which the Meachums were trying to rip away from him– and it’s a mask he now dons again, this time as a weapon against the Hand. His introduction here is just as much of a necessary facade as his introduction to Luke was in the previous example, but this one lacks the emotional baggage.

[ID: The same scene as previous; Danny is smirking coldly at the Midland Circle receptionist.]

Receptionist: “Are they expecting you?”

Danny: “[Chuckles softly] Not like this.”

Okay, sorry, I always say this when discussing this scene, but… DANG. Get ‘em.

[ID: Screenshot of Danny standing in a white-walled Midland Circle conference room, hands folded in front of him, his back to an open door. A whole bunch of people in suits are sitting at a long conference table in front of him, watching him speak.”

Danny: “My name is Danny Rand.”

The charade continues (though note the switch from “Daniel” to “Danny”. He is being just as formal and fake here, but he’s never really been a “Daniel” and it’s possible he says it without thinking). I talked about this moment in detail in the original post, regarding Danny’s strategy and the challenges he faces as his plan starts to go awry, so I won’t repeat myself here, but I will point out that Danny keeps this mask on for as long as he can, even after revealing that he knows they are the Hand, even after Alexandra shows up and starts behaving condescendingly toward him. He embodies the Danny Rand of Rand Enterprises identity for as long as possible, so that they don’t see him as a physical threat until he wants them to, and so that when the moment arrives, it can be as impactful as it needs to be. He wants them off their guard, unsettled, frightened.

[ID: A close-up of Danny from the shoulders up, same scene as above. He is resolute.]

Danny: “I am the Immortal Iron Fist, weapon of K’un-Lun.”

I think this is genuine. Yes, it’s a shock-and-awe tactic to tell the Hand who they’re really dealing with, but I also think that in this moment, Danny rediscovers some of his confidence. He believes that, after all of his shame and failures, he has found a plan that will work. He has finally tracked down the Hand, he has breached their defenses in a way they were not expecting, and he believes that he can now destroy them. And then he gets emotional. This is about honor and vengeance, and they need to know who it’s coming from and what they are paying for. “I am the Immortal Iron Fist, weapon of K’un-Lun”– he is retaking his ownership as defender of his city, because he needs to, because he believes he finally can. He has conviction in his identity as the Iron Fist for the first time since the last few episodes of his solo show. And man, it hurts so much to find out that he is wrong.

[ID: Screenshot of Danny, Luke Cage, Jessica Jones, and Matt Murdock (in civvies with a grey scarf tied over his face), standing in a tight circle in a dimly-lit room (a restaurant). Danny is talking to Jessica.]

Danny: “Hey, I’m, uh… I’m Danny.”

Jessica: “Jessica.”

Here is our final scene of Danny introductions: the team dinner, in which he introduces himself to Jessica, and tries to do the same to Matt (who is being grumpy and incognito and therefore is unreceptive to introductions). This one doesn’t have the emotional complexity of the previous examples– Danny is super cheerful and endearing here, delighted to meet these other superheroes and to have found more allies, and he introduces himself with a healthy, informal “Danny”. The beginning of the team-up is the start of the breakdown of his character arc, but it’s a very cute scene regardless– a glimpse of the happy, well-adjusted (or at least adequately repressed) Danny that we had not seen in the MCU at this point since the beginning of IF Season One.

[ID: The same scene. The four of them are standing around a plate-laden table. Matt is leaning intently toward Danny with his hands on his hips, listening to him speak.]

Danny: “Sworn protector of K’un-Lun.”

Part of Danny’s relaxed-ness comes from his belief, again, that with these new allies, his revenge quest is achievable. He is also clearly relieved to have help. He introduces himself as just “Danny” initially– using the most informal and least baggage-laden version of his identity, forming a personal connection with them– and then introduces himself as the Immortal Iron Fist, “sworn protector of K’un-Lun” later, when he starts explaining his role in the fight against the Hand. He is very relaxed about referring to himself in this way here, partly because– again– his sense of self and security has been bolstered, he is feeling good and hopeful, and also, it’s just necessary context that he knows he needs to provide. Specifically, he refers to himself as such to Matt, because he has gathered at this point that Matt has Chaste connections, and therefore assumes that he knows about the Iron Fist legacy. Little does he suspect that overly-emotional Matt failed out of Chaste School before learning any of the important backstory, and is therefore clueless.

[ID: Screenshot of Misty Knight looking over Luke’s shoulder at something that clearly upsets her.]

Danny (off-screen): “You got a chair?”

Please indulge me for just a second: Am I bitter that we didn’t see Danny properly introduce himself to Misty? Am I bitter that their relationship was almost entirely neglected in these shows? Yes, just a little.

Anyway…

Overall, Danny’s emotional arc in this show suffered for the sake of the team-up, and I feel like there is not as much significance in these introductions– these shorthands for Danny’s identity struggles– as there should have been/would have been if this were his show. That said, I do think they are important, and I loved digging into this. Danny’s journey is one of my favorites out of all of the Netflix Marvel protagonists, and I love taking it apart and examining it.

Again, I’m sorry this post was so long delayed, and thank you for the question!

#apple-grass-and-smiles #Netflix Defenders #Iron Fist #Danny Rand #Asks #Commentary

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crystclsky · 5 years ago

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florence ventimiglia | a brief introduction!

is that FRANCESCA MICHIELIN? no, that’s just FLORENCE VENTIMIGLIA. SHE is TWENTY-ONE years old and is a YOUTUBER. rumor has it they’ve been in town for THREE YEARS. on a good day, they’re UPLIFTING & OUTGOING. but watch out! they can also be NAIVE & DISTRACTED. CRYSTAL SKY BY LENA plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around springhill! @shstarters

a mun thing:

hello hi there, my name is shannon, i’m twenty years old, and i’m the resident disaster lesbian brit who has decided to use a little-known italian singer as an fc because i am: like that! most of my gifs were made for me by a friend so i’d super like to thank them for that on this post because they are an absolute blessing in my life for helping me to use this cutie pie & teaching me to make gifs myself!

summary ;

three years ago: you’re eighteen and the city you grew up in doesn’t feel the same anymore; intrinsically, as you bypass the cathedral ( tourists gawp at it as it glimmers in the sunlight, overshadowed by its built-up majesty ) you realise how small of a figure you are in the grand scale of milan. millions follow you on their screens — o muse, laugh & sing & live the dream career and comfortable life only your family’s money could ever guarantee you — but how many of them know your smiling face as it passes them by in seconds?

in your body there is a visceral yearning: find a home, even though you should be at home. and so, a plane-ride, a hop, a skip, and a jump away, you FIND ONE. springhill calls to something warm in your soul — like an embrace — and you open your arms.

tidbits ;

full name: florence isabel eleonora ventimiglia

date of birth: march 20, 1999

orientations: lesbian

hogwarts house: hufflepuff

mbti type: esfp-a

zodiac: pisces / aries cusp

notes ;

- her youtube channel is something between binging with babish, mr beast & safiya nygaard, with a side of her music. it’s an italian melting pot. all her videos are subtitled in both italian and english regardless of which language it is being made in. she’s out as a lesbian publicly & recently underwent a rough breakup with another youtuber publicly ( who i imagine crystal sky as a theme is about! she’s picking herself up and trying her best. )

- mixture of the mum friend ( makes sure you eat, cooks you food when you’re hungry, texts you to check on you, takes the pictures of you to make sure you look great ) and the reason you need a mum friend.

- philanthropist! she loves to help small businesses get their start / help friends in need without writing ious / give to charity when she can. if you have a cause, let her know! she’s committed to using her platform for good.

- linked to the ligurian noble family. but she was born and raised in a small village near milan, and between the ages of sixteen & eighteen ( when she made the move to springhill ) she lived in milan for her studies.

- this branch of the family made their fortune in her grandfather & father’s generation: her grandfather had many siblings & children who began careers in various lucrative industries, and they’ve forged an overarching conglomerate known as the ventimiglia corporation. so she’s had easier opened doors than many and made high-society friends across the globe !

- unlike her grandfather, her father antonio only had one child, and that’s florence herself. he’s keener for her to take more of a business interest but that’s not necessarily going to happen. he might just have to give up unless somebody decides to set his wayward adventurer of a daughter on the right path. or if he decides to stop — as her grandfather says — ‘spoiling her.’

- she could be easily taken advantage of for her money, unfortunately, and this has happened more than once but she still believes there’s so much good in the world.

more ;

i’m going to elaborate more on an actual about page, but this is my brief intro vibes. please like this and i’ll approach you to plot !

#springhillintro

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precuredaily · 5 years ago

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Precure Day 162

Episode: Yes! Precure 5 14 - “Karen, The Troubled Student Council President” Date watched: 3 December 2019 Original air date: 6 May 2007 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/ZVrof8Y Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

Karen has a big think

It’s Karen’s turn to hold the character development conch. This time, we get to see how she handles pressure from all directions! We also find out a little secret about Otaka-san and the school’s leadership. Good stuff, so let’s dive in!

The Plot

Various clubs approach Karen, aggressively requesting budget increases. The futsal club can’t afford new balls, the drama club can’t afford costumes, the judo club can’t afford new weights, the list goes on. Karen is taken aback and tries to explain the complexities of the situation to the students, but they are insistent. After trying to come up with a solution, she approaches the Vice Principal and explains her situation, requesting a budget increase for all the clubs. He is reluctant to change the budget that’s already been agreed upon for the year, but because he respects her decision to approach him, he will take it up with the principal. The VP goes to the Principal, revealed (to the audience) to actually be Otaka-san the lunch lady, but she insists that she doesn’t believe they need a budget increase, and there are still solutions the clubs haven’t yet come up with to resolve their budget woes. Komachi talks with Karen, commending her willingness to work hard for the clubs where before she probably would have simply said that the budget was already decided and they had to make do with what they had. The influence of their determined young friends is rubbing off on them.

Coincidentally, Nightmare is also having budget issues of a sort. Although they aren’t in a pinch, Kawarino is scolding Bunbee for blowing a lot of money without producing any results, and implies that his subordinates are useless and the whole department could get restructured. Bunbee decides to go fight the girls himself to get some results.

Back at school, Karen is still being hounded by the clubs, and her attempts at de-escalation aren’t working, so Otaka almost steps in, but Komachi is actually the one to put her foot down, startling everyone. She reminds the club leaders that they agreed to their annual budgets before the proposal was sent to the school administration, and that Karen alone cannot solve everything. With help from Nozomi, she gets them all to line up and explain their problems, to see if they can work together and figure out alternative solutions within their existing budgets.

The biggest offender is the drama club, which is going way over budget because they’ve picked a play with lots of extravagant costumes. However, Komachi gets them to work with the sewing club, who were looking for a platform to display their work, and the two split costs in this mutually beneficial agreement. The Judo club couldn’t afford to buy new weights AND new uniforms, but they also got the sewing club to patch up their uniforms so they could buy heavier weights, and donated their older ones to the futsal club. Now that she doesn’t need to buy weights, Rin can afford new balls, and donates the old ones to the art club, who find their shape and texture very inspirational.

I’d like to point out that the dumbbell Nozomi is struggling to lift is only 5 KG, that’s about 11 lbs.

With everyone’s issues resolved, the girls enjoy a moment of peace as Rin takes her new dumbbells to her club space, but on the way, Bunbee shows up to cause trouble. He turns the dumbbells into a Kowaina and taunts the girls about his own superiority. They transform and fight back, but he is pretty strong. When Mint shields one of the monster’s attacks, he launches a missile that breaks the shield, and he easily dodges when Rouge and Aqua try to fight him in the air. Dream and Lemonade have no luck fighting the Kowaina and they’re all left on the ground, defeated. Bunbee boasts about how much easier it is to do everything himself, and Aqua scoffs. She says she used to feel that way, but now she knows they’d never win if they did that, and the team springs into action. Bunbee tries to missile them again, and again Mint uses her shield, but this time Aqua also blocks it with Aqua Stream and this weakens it enough to bounce off the shield. Dream and Rouge restrain the Kowaina while Lemonade attacks it with Lemonade Flash, then the two throw it and perform their finishers. The Kowaina is destroyed and Bunbee retreats, self-justifying the day by saying you have to spend money to make money.

Back at the lunch table, Nozomi observes that Komachi might actually be stronger than Karen, which gives them all pause. Otaka comes over with a basket full of yakisoba bread, claiming the principal told her how they avoided a budget crisis, and suddenly people from all the other clubs appear, all vying for some of the free bread. Nozomi cries because the crowd beat her to the stuff she really wanted, and that’s the ending card.

The Analysis

What a fun episode. Karen’s commitment to the students is really earnest and inspiring. You can see why she’s the president, and even how much progress she’s made since the start of the show. Old Karen just cared about order, new Karen has the best interests of the students in mind and wants to meet them where they’re at. She fields the ire of the various clubs like a champ, trying not to get overwhelmed, and explaining the delicate balance that is adjusting budgets: since the budget has already been agreed upon, for her to allocate more to one group than previously agreed means the money has to come out of somewhere else, and that could put the other party in a pinch. Important financial lesson for the kids in the audience, too. And when her advice isn’t sufficient for them, she goes to bat for them by requesting assistance from the VP. My only criticism is that she probably should have asked why they needed more money first to see where their funds were tied up at, but honestly I would probably do the same thing, jumping straight to “let me get them what they say they need” and not “let me look into the situation more”.

When they get to the drama club and find out the reason they’re so over budget is because they decided to produce an expensive-ass play, I about died. LOOK AT THIS OUTFIT.

gosh I wonder why

There’s a lesson in here somewhere about working within your limitations. Urara suggests they do a simpler show like Kintarou, which would have costumes and props they could reuse in other shows, but from the club president’s response I get the impression they’ve done far too many shows like that and are sick of it. Also can’t fault them for doing something different. I remember in my junior year (11th grade), my school put on a production of “High School Musical” (this was when that was still a pretty fresh and hot property) and it sold like crazy, so the next year they were able to perform “Little Shop of Horrors”, renting the Audrey II puppets from somewhere. It’s okay to dream big, but you gotta make sure you can afford it. (inb4 ok boomer) However, working with the sewing club was a very good compromise. They get a platform to showcase their work, the drama club gets good costumes for cheaper, and they split the costs. Some of the other deals are a bit more one-sided but as long as everyone’s happy, it works.

By the way, Komachi’s restraint when the club president goes “oh yeah we spent all our budget on that one outfit and we need a bunch more” is remarkable. (I looked it up and I see similarities to Les Miserables: it’s a famous story that takes place over multiple generations and features LOTS of recurring characters) Komachi is, thankfully, very good at keeping herself in check, but if you manage to set her off, she is downright scary. That’s a common attribute for shield-based Cures, and it started here.

For reasons that aren’t entirely clear, since they only have a few of the costumes done, the drama club president is only ever seen in-costume, looking like a prince with a pencil mustache drawn onto her face. If we take the bold assumption that this all occurs in one day, even one lunch period, then this makes sense enough, but it’s still kind of silly.

The first half of this episode is so good, and tells a pretty complete story, that both times I watched it I forgot what kind of show it was because I was so absorbed in the antics of the clubs, so I thought the resolution was just going to be sorting out their budgets, when that was actually only the halfway point. The fight with Bunbee in the second half, while good, feels incomplete. I’m not sure if something got lost in translation for the subtitles, because he seems to indicate he spent money on a better Kowaina mask but the subs don’t reflect him saying this, only the girls’ response that it looks the same as normal. I do like them switching up their fighting style, and it comes with one of the strangest calls to action I’ve ever seen:

previously unsaid sentences in human history

The context is that, earlier in the episode, Nozomi and Urara traded lunch items, and now Karen is reminding them all to trade opponents and work together to beat the monster. Hilariously, even though Nozomi was the one who wanted to trade in the first place, she’s the last one to get this coded message, after Rin explains it to her.

She is special.

The elephant in the room here is that Otaka-san, the humble lunch lady who always adds a million onto every order, who appears a little disheveled, is in fact the school’s principal. Books and covers, ya know. I don’t recall if the girls every learn her secret, but it’s revealed to the audience here. I assume she serves as the lunch lady in order to get close to the students and understand what’s going on without calling attention to her position of authority. That’s the thing about power, even if you act relatable, if someone knows you’re way above them on the totem pole, they’re going to act differently, so she has put herself on the level of students. It’s like Undercover Boss except she never reveals the ruse. And honestly, it’s a very good ruse. She is approachable to the students and they all love her, so she can listen to their problems and make sure that the school is running well from the ground level. Also, as the lunch lady, she wears plain clothes, an apron, and flat shoes. Her only accessory is her trademark silver brooch. As the principal, she wears a suit, her hair is more tamed, she wears lipstick and earrings. She even speaks differently between her roles, sounding more raspy in her disguise, while she adopts a more formal and stern tone while acting as the principal. It’s impressive. I know she appears in this role at least one more time in the show, so I look forward to seeing that.

As usual there were some great moments of comedy, wonderful facial expressions, and you can see those chronicled in the gallery.

Next time, in Precure Daily, Nozomi’s mom is sick, so she has to do the housework! How badly will this end?

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 0 kettei!

#Precure #Pretty Cure #Yes! Precure 5 #YPC514 #PCD162

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proflazarus · 5 years ago

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Cats Review...

3.4/10

Soundtrack: 9/10

Whatever they thought they were doing right, they messed up. Big time. The local newspaper had a review which talked about the movie not being finished but put in cinemas anyways. That is most definitely what it looked and sounded like.

First things first: I wanted to watch this movie to A) have my own opinion about it and B) because Jennifer Hudson is one hell of a singer. A) will be answered in this text. B) is a fact, but there’s still stuff to say about that.

I listened to all the promo performances of “Memories” and was so very impressed, the emotion in her singing exceeded all I wished for. The soundtrack version sounds as awesome as it should be. Nonetheless I do have a very different opinion about what I heard in the cinema. It might have been the cinemas fault but I have the feeling it wasn’t. The belting sounded so off that one had to grimace and even my non musical parents (with whom I watched the movie) commented on it afterwards. My mother conceded that the soundtrack version I showed her afterwards is by far superior. In total the whole soundtrack sounds a lot better than what we heard in the movie.

(The second problem with the songs is a locality based one. I’m German, I live in Germany, I live in a great city with a lot of different cinemas, with different movie language versions. There’s OV (Original Version), completely dubbed (including the songs 🤮) and dubbed dialogue but original songs. We chose the last version (there’s different levels of English in my family) so while we got the English songs we also had German subtitles during those songs. And those subtitles were just plain wrong. While the moon was sung to as “she” the subtitles told one that the moon is in fact male. And some subtitles made no sense altogether. If I am very lucky (sarcasm!) I will watch the movie again in OV, so maybe that will make me like it a bit more.)

About the actual movie: I felt the start was a very slow one (my father thought that as well, even if he didn’t say so, his falling asleep spoke volumes), it didn’t really pick up anything just until right after the big middle of the movie number (which was clapped and cheered by one single woman a couple of rows in front of us, she was fully committed, so that when no one joined in, she still proceeded to cheer for a good minute).

Most cats that got introduced with their own song where (to me) rather annoying (especially James Corden’s, Jason’s Derulo and Rebel Wilson’s cats). I forgot most names after about 5 secs so they’re all called by their fur colour or theirs actors.

Every time a cat/actor raised a single leg while laying on their side I’d have rather seen Tom Hiddleston’s arse once again (that’s a thing I do not need to see again, I wasn’t even out looking for it, it was just sprung upon me for about 10 times and I didn’t even watch a lot of his work), when I say every time it was exactly twice once it was Rebel Wilson and once it was Dame Judi Dench. As I said even those two times where way too much. The “cat-like” movements weren’t necessary. It didn’t really look cat-like it looked like a group of Kindergarten children that played zoo or something.

Now to the CGI which is apparently so very hated. I will say that it is in terms of technical prowess a job fairly well done. The fur looked fluffy and mostly natural. The longer haired cats fur didn’t really move naturally, aka it didn’t move at all. The ears and tails looked good though. The movement was smooth and naturally looking. The one cat that didn’t look good was Idris Elba — Macavity, the Moriarty of Cats. His body has a slightly shiny purely brown fur. Which seems to not fit underneath the head. His nuclear green eyes didn’t look evil only somewhat over coloured. Going back to the cat-like movements, while I thought them (as mentioned) unnecessary now that I think back, Macavity didn’t do them in his final performance and that felt even weirder.

About Macavity’s storyline, there wasn’t really one, it seemed to be a punchline without a joke. His storyline got sort of explained after his evil doing was already committed. The much hyped Taylor Swift, who played his right hand woman, drugged all the cats with catnip (which also had no explanation, and is not a universal thing!) showed up for approximately 5 minutes, sang one forgettable song and vanished. I cannot in fact recall if a name was mentioned.

I was very happy about Francesca Hayward — Victoria the white cat. A well rounded performance in both dancing (no surprise as a ballet dancer) and acting with a good singing voice as well. Sir Ian McKellen is a master of his craft even as a CGI cat.

The movie left me with many questions: Did they actually think that this was a good idea? How did they get Dame Judi Dench, Sir Ian McKellen and Idris Elba to be in this movie? (I mean I know that James Corden and Rebel Wilson are sluts for these kind of things, but the others?!) What is the Heaviside Layer? (translated into German as “the spherical room”?!?) And is the message of the musical really “die and be reborn as a champion”?

I am unsure whether I want to know the answers and whether it was worth making the movie in general. I do know that it wasn’t worth the 7,70€ I payed to go see this train wreck in the cinema. So if you think about going to see the movie question your motivations. If it is purely to hear Jennifer Hudson sing, listen to the promo performances and the soundtrack. You can do that for free and without leaving your house. If you want to see what the hubbub it is all about, think twice and look when and where the cinema tickets are the cheapest.

#movie review #cats movie review #cats 2019 #musical #put the cat you’d adopt in the tags #i’d adopt #mister mistoffelees

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hamhamparadise · 5 years ago

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Episode 52 - Graduation Ceremony! Yay!

This post is being released the same day as in Patreon, as a special occasion.

Now, for real, we're done. This is the finale of Jewelpet Sunshine.

This anime has been worked on and dropped by various fansubs during the years, and we're proud to pick it up and finish it up in a single year.

This episode, as we mentioned on the sneak peek, is really special for our team, and talking about it is difficult without spoiling it. But we just think it is a really good closure to the series, and a beautiful ending. We are very happy to be able to deliver it to you.

Deciding to start working on a second anime besides Hamtaro was a really important decision for the team, but we're happy we took it, since it helped us promote our Patreon a lot and also helped us improve our skills.

On this regard, we want to specially thank Whippu for his contribution. He was the very reason we decided to pick up Sunshine and he has been an inmense help not only by helping with the translation, but also helping with timing, which he single-handed for all the episodes we worked on.Now, since this series was handed by André and Whippu, they will have some words.

"Hi, André here. Jewelpet Sunshine has always been in my list of stuff to subtitle, as proven by the fact I subbed the last episode on 2014. However, it was a huge endeavor to take alone, and I am not ashamed to accept that I would have been unable to make up a lot of sentences and references without help, and the subs would have been end up of really low quality, something that is by all means not acceptable for a series that I treasure so much. So Whippu's help has been a Godsend.

I had a lot of fun subbing this series, I haven't had so much fun subbing in a long time, and it shows. I cherised this series, I tried my best to perfect every timing, every effect, every sentence (and yet we are going to revisit a lot of them), I tried to learn many new tricks (like the "iclip" effect), I even learnt to make my own karaoke effects!

I kind of feel an emptiness because this has been always around for the last whole year... and now we're done. But I'm also really satisfied at finally being able to watch this amazing series finished. And sharing it with everyone.

It has been a nice trip. Thank you all for your support. I really hope you enjoy it :)"

“Hey all, Whippu here. Now that we're done with Jewelpet Sunshine (even if we only actually subbed about half of it), I wanted to reflect a little bit on what the subbing process was like for me.

This was the first subbing project that I really committed to. Suffice it to say that it's a lot of work, made even harder by the fact that there were only two of us working on the project, Andre and myself; both of us were jointly responsible for translation and effects, and I was the one who timed all the episodes. Suffice it to say that it's definitely not the most exciting thing to do, and that I'm totally jealous of the other fansubber teams out there who have like 5-10 people on their team. But it was worth it because Jewelpet Sunshine is so good. Like, you were probably wondering, why the heck is a Hamtaro-themed group subbing Jewelpet Sunshine? Go and watch it, you won't regret it.

Despite (ostensibly) being a children's oriented anime, the vocabulary in it is anything but. Trying to piece together half the stuff they talked about, whether it's references to pop culture I don't get or Kaluza-Klein theory or Dolphin-sensei or Peridot babbling at 100 words a second or whatever, was really an adventure, compounded by the fact that both Andre and I have different strengths when it comes to translating; Andre's much better at getting the general gist of conversation, whereas I fared better in finding and recognizing specific vocabulary. But there's always stuff that throws you for a loop, like when I found out "riajuu" basically means "normie" in Japanese. Here's just a sample of stuff we (and apparently, 8-year-old girls in Japan) had to deal with:

Note the accompanying Japanese text; that is all text that we would have had significant trouble deciphering without the generosity of Japanese bloggers who posted excerpts from the show years ago, bless their hearts. We would've killed (and probably still would) for transcripts, not necessarily to make our job easier, but just so we can know what the heck they really were saying half the time. Doing this was also a reminder that fansubbers are, well, fans, and not exactly professionals. We did our best to stick to what they said most of the time, but there were definitely times we got stuck and just had to make the best of it. Subbing this was a great way to learn lots of new Japanese phrases, which is part of the reason I did it in the first place; if I really knew Japanese 100%, what fun would it be to just transcribe exactly what I hear?

Anyway, that's it. I hope you enjoyed the subs; I sure know I did, and it feels great to know that finally, the best season of Jewelpet (come on, let's be real) has escaped fansub development hell. Will there ever be another anime like Jewelpet Sunshine? Hell no there won't (unless Sanrio decides that what Mewkledreamy needs is Aerosmith music and bikinis), which is why you should do yourself a favor and watch Jewelpet Sunshine.P.S. Neither of us still have any idea what this "sasuga Japan money" line is. If you know, please let us know so we can rest in peace.

-Whippu”

Now, we wanted to talk about future plans, but we're not even sure about what we will do in the short term, so, we will let you enjoy the finale for now!

Yay!

You can watch online or download the episode here.

#jewelpet #subtitles #text #screenshot #paradise_hamsubs

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alishasboe · 5 years ago

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Its Time We Talked About Tape 9: a rant

this is long, idk how it got this long but yeah, it did and i’m #MAD

ok let’s fucking do this, i’m so angry at this stupid storyline. first of all, to clarify the narrative in the book aka source material - the party is not at jess’ house, it’s some random person from their year, it is confirmed by hannah that jess and justin barely know each other, this is just another party hook up... so, pretty much happens similar to in the show up until justin leaves to stand outside the room. bryce shows up, hannah doesn’t name him or jess only justin, he tries to open the door, he's like ‘let me in’ and justin shuts the door and is like ‘no let her sleep’, then he says, as a joke, ‘it won’t be any fun, she won’t move, she’ll just lie there’ and bryce is like ‘i’ve gotta go to work, i only need a few minutes with her’ and that’s ALL it takes and justin lets bryce go in, so much so that bryce does a double take, he’s like lmao seriously, it was that easy? and when it’s over, hannah sees justin sitting in the bedroom next door, completely in the dark and he looks very sad. (now catch me if i’m wrong but i swear to god, and i haven’t been able to find it since reading for the first time, but there is a bit where hannah says she asked justin about it at school and he refused to do anything about it? i’m not sure but i swear i read it but idk)

NOW let’s clarify how the fucking SHOW fucked justin foley over more than he deserved. ok lets get down to business friends. so justin leaves jess when she says she needs to close her eyes for a few minutes, and he stands outside the door. bryce is like ‘come play beer pong’ and justin refuses on the premise that he’s hanging around for jess because she’s super drunk... meaning, she can’t defend herself, it’s her own bedroom, and he wants to stop anyone from going in there to take advantage of her. bryce says some shit like ‘i bet you had some fun with her’ and if you fucking watch justin his whole expression changes in that one second, and he looks disgusted with bryce for even implying that he would take advantage of jess while she was drunk. and bryce goes ‘can i see?’ he goes to open the door, and justin stops him and he’s like, barely able to even form the sentence, ‘dude, she’s... she’s my girlfriend’ wholeheartedly he knows bryce is trash at this point, he wants to tell him that she’s unconscious, or wasted or sleeping, but that would do fucking nothing to stop bryce, so instead he hopes that jess being his girlfriend will stop bryce, that bryce would respect him that much to just go away and not do this. but bryce doesn’t.

now here is when it gets technical. bryce says ‘what’s yours is mine’ right, and justin won’t even meet his eyes, and end flashback from justin’s point of view. now the scene is very jumpy to imply that justin is drunk, he doesn’t remember everything but there is nothing to imply that what happens in that scene is a lie, that justin is lying. it is legitimately his memory, because he isn’t recounting this to clay, he feels guilty even for this. right? ok so swap to hannah’s point of view, when bryce walks into the room, you can hear (and there is subtitles of it) [body thuds] and the sound of someone being shoved, or falling, right outside that door in perfect timing for bryce entering that room. so, you get my drift? justin didn’t give in to him and bryce shoved him out of the way, and justin, being fucking drunk and terrified because bryce wanted to do something and justin had no idea how to stop him, took a moment before he stood up. NOW we go back to justin’s second flashback and when it begins he isn’t standing at the door?? like you would expect someone who just let bryce walk into the room without argument, without a fight, just gave in? no it takes him a few steps to get back to the door, he was SHOVED!! and the show never mentions it, just implies it! so i ask, does being extremely drunk and scared, being shoved out of the way mean that justin is responsible for “letting” jess get raped by bryce? does he deserve endless hatred and disgust from everyone at liberty??

he recovers moments after being shoved out of the way, he knocks on the door, he is hoping that bryce just wanted to look, he is genuinely trying to convince himself that bryce would never want to do this, no one answers so he goes back in and see’s bryce lying on top of jess (which, not to get fucking mad again but in 2x12 justin’s testimony says that he saw bryce “standing over jess” but when you see the scene in his memory, bryce is clearly on top of jess... so obviously, these writers have never watched their own show #confirmed) he goes up and he’s all calm, he’s like ‘c’mon dude get off her, leave her alone’ and bryce gets REALLY angry, and can we please just remember in this moment that justin grew up his whole life being physically abused by aggressive and awful men and so when bryce shoves him out, justin protests but he doesn’t fight back because he knows he can’t win. he’s terrified. bryce shoves him to the ground and he waits 0.01 of a second to shut the door and lock it, and if that’s what we’re supposed to see as justin “letting” it happen, then that’s FUCKED up because he’s drunk and he’s scared. that really fucks with your head. your reaction time is slower, and your brain activity is slower because alcohol fucking does that shit. and when you’re scared you go into fight/flight/freeze mode and it’s very obvious throughout the show that when in danger justin freezes, he doesn’t fight back and he doesn’t run. he just freezes. he tries to get up. he does you can see him try and move but it’s difficult. and he just starts to cry. same thing he does when he gets choked by seth in 1x12. and so obviously he thinks of what to do, he admits in 2x12 that he did consider calling the police, and calling for help, but he was afraid. and so yeah, what if he had called the police? well its not like the cops were AT the party? by the time they got there jessica would still have been raped, and nothing would have changed. even if justin managed to stand up and get help? bryce would have violated jessica? he had legitimately no way of stopping what happened in that room...

so does that mean he “let” jessica get raped? that it is his fault that she was raped? ... this traumatised kid who was sexually assaulted in his own bed at FIVE and it went on for years, this kid who loved a girl so much, this poor lonely kid who had never had anybody love him except for the two people in that room. and putting aside actual details and specifics, rape is the rapists fault, and the fault of an accessory who wants said thing to happen and stands by and actively lets it happen when they could easily have done something.... eg. monty, kenneth and taylor raping tyler. THAT is an accessory to a crime, not justin being drunk and scared and trying to stop bryce but having his own trauma resurface... and it’d be great if the writers understood this. Here is the thing: with everything that the show has revealed post tape 9, it’s completely fucking unreasonable to keep up this demonisation and disgust toward justin’s actions that night out of trauma... the show wants us to empathise with traumatised characters, we’re supposed to forgive angry outbursts like alex MURDERING bryce, and moments of panic like jess witnessing his murder, or clay going bryce’s house with a gun because he's all fucked up, TYLER LITERALLY TRYING TO SHOOT UP THE FUCKING SCHOOL DANCE because he's been raped... but the writers somehow drew the line as justin’s lifetime of emotional, sexual and physical abuse making him understandably scared as his best friend raped his girlfriend...

and you know fucking what? if the show had kept this narrative from the beginning, that it’s forgivable and understandable that justin was scared, that we can see him work through his own trauma, and that he was also a victim that night, he was hurt and he was betrayed and he made a mistake, he didn't commit a crime, that he should not he hated for what he did, he is not a monster, he is not despicable or irredeemable. he didn’t LET anything happen to jessica. he TRIED to stop it but he couldn’t. if the writers but as much effort into getting the audience to understand why justin froze as they did hannah, they would be doing more for mental health advocacy than they’ve ever done. justin would not be a villain. people would fucking get it. they would empathise. but because the show points at justin in tape 9, and fucking says “he is a monster” viewers believe it, because they can’t see past the one dimensional narrative. there would be argument, people who wouldn’t understand, but if they took that narrative from the beginning, it would still make sense.

it’s gross to antagonise a 16 year old boy for panicking in a situation no one ever teaches you about. where are the 10 step plans on what to do when your best friend who you rely on for your entire livelihood comes into your girlfriend of two months who you really love’s bedroom at a party to rape her, while all involved are drunk, and you’re a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and have been physically abused and neglected your whole life? hmm? where are they?? the show preaches moral ambiguity but then pulls this shit and wants you to think justin is the Worst™ ever for what happened in tape 9... hannah and justin were in the exact same position but no one ever says that hannah “let” jessica get raped? where exactly is it different? both of them never told jessica the truth as well?? on the phone call in 2x08 you can see how hard it is for him when he lies after she asks him if they hooked up... like i’m sorry but yeah it wasn’t fucking great but jessica was RAPED and of all people justin knows how humiliating and painful a memory that is to live with, so understandably he didn’t want to be the one to ruin her life? he thought he could keep her safe, he never thought he was letting a fucking rapist get away, and yeah, he feels SO bad about it and it was a mistake that he can rightly be held accountable for. but he didn’t do it maliciously. he didn't keep it from her cause she said something nasty to him, or because he thought she deserved it, or because he didn’t understand the pressure or any bullshit like that. he knew more than anyone. hannah got raped and she killed herself?? wouldn’t you want to take the awful memories away from someone you loved if you could? he stupidly let bryce walk free, and he hates himself for it, but he didn’t do it to protect bryce. he did it to protect jessica, and himself. he’s not a monster. he's not on the same level as bryce, or monty... nowhere near it in fact.

if they wanted us to see justin as responsible for “letting” jessica get raped then SHOW us him doing something irredeemable. we can watch a whole fucking rape scene but... we can’t just have a second long clip of justin letting bryce open the door? of him getting up off the floor, shrugging and being like “this might as well happen” ?? give us a reason to believe he did something wrong even despite his trauma because that isn't OKAY. not demonising valid fear responses from a csa victim and abuse victim. in the book: justin lets bryce in. he doesn’t go in to stop him. he doesn’t fight back. he doesn't cry from behind a locked door... valid reasons to call him out on it. justin in the show? confirmed abuse victim, went back in to stop bryce, is never confirmed to have actually let bryce go in, or let bryce do it. we can’t hold justin responsible if we don’t hold hannah responsible. it glorifies suicide to escape your mistakes. justin is paying for his AND hannah’s mistake through a life worse than death: addiction. and he doesn't fucking deserve that punishment.

and lastly, on how also this storyline is fucked up. the whole show is like ‘victims need to tell their story because it’s theirs to tell’ but hannah LITERALLY tells jess’ story to 11 other people before jess herself even hears it... and is willing to let that shit go fucking public as manipulation? regardless of whether the story is true or not, jess and justin wanting to keep clay from doing shit about tape 9 isn’t evil and didn't deserve to be antagonised as much as it was... a girl was raped, and clay didn't understand the impact of that. every other person on those tapes who helped justin keep clay quiet did it for their own purposes. justin only did it because jess was scared and because bryce could have come after her or done something if he found out about the tapes.

anyway. i cannot physically type anymore and i probably have more points to be made but i just can't remember them. if you made it this far. congratulations.

#anti 13rw #long post #FUCK TAPE 9 #fuck this show #seriously #this needs like a buzzed article or something #we need this shit to go viral #stop antagonising csa survivors and abused kids for mistakes they made out of TRAUMA??

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