#I need somewhere to put some of them
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made a new sideblog, so I can put posts there for fandoms I'm not into yet, but that I might want to get into someday
gave it a nicolas cage icon and a meme banner, started reblogging posts to it and saving things as drafts
within the hour, tumblr has deleted it. it's gone
🙃
#personal#don't worry#I've sent in a support ticket#it's just sad#I was just gonna clear out the drafts of my fandom blog!#hopefully I get it back#I have nearly 8000 drafts on my fandom blog#I need somewhere to put some of them#esp since I have almost 25000 posted posts on that blog#it's. crowded
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Oh! Fucking. Duh. Obvious Roxie post I can make today: here's an emote I made for the sp:te server! (With variants of different degrees of completion...)
I was gonna go back and shade the comic colors Roxie but. Just ended up going w the colors picked off the screenshot. This screenshot, specifically!
#mind the quality i ripped it from Somewhere but i dont remember where#i still havent gone and continued my Unhinged Screenshot Taking yet. but oh buddy when I do....#spto#sp comic#spvtw#fanart#art#roxie richter#emotes#discord emotes#blue sparks one there was just testing where i wanted to put some before i decided Overkill was The Way#like w the other ones. please do reblog this if you decide to use them in a server somewhere! i would like to know if they end up other +#+places#ooc#spto fanart#scott pilgrim fanart#spvtw fanart#spto roxie#scott pilgrim roxie#spvtw roxie#roxanne richter#roxy richter#actually. best day for it really. if anyone has any roxie screenshots or panels they want emotes from I'd generally consider them to begin +#+with but For Sure today. (generally if anyone wants a given shot/panel as an emote im happy to at least Try. i just need specifics)#(so far kim ones are my only Successful emote attempts Without panel/shot basis. i do need to try a ramona that was requested again...)#uhhh just to be safe i guess#potential eyestrain#i did try a version w the sparks more like they are in the show but it Didn't Look Good#feel free to try your own hand at it if you want#this post is scheduled btw :3c im still trying to work on another roxie piece... panel redraw....
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#some thoughts incoming idk if i should share but i need to put them somewhere#it's hard being in the yr fandom since the finale when you don't share the same vision and opinion as the rest#and people make future wilmon posts or write post s3 fics (which many exist now) they just don't align with your idea at all#and they're not exciting to me at all and the whole concept just makes me upset#i don't wanna imagine Wille as a 'normal' person (not that that's ever possible anyway which the show loves to ignore)#like I'm sorry but i didn't come to the show to watch an ordinary love story and have them lead an ordinary life#the idea of Wille being a future king and them navigating that royal life together is so much more interesting#i hate that that isn't canon anymore and when ppl make posts about them it's not about that or that would only be seen as a negative thing#i don't wanna imagine a life where they are 'normal' that isn't appealing to me at all and it sucks seeing everyone embrace it#and it's like you're not allowed to want something else or think differently bc that makes you the bad person and you're just wrong#i can't be excited about their future (also bc i don't really see them going strong in the future with how they messed them up in s3)#(i also didn't want to know what could possibly happen in the future i wanted that to stay open and just be in the present)#and seeing everyone else excited and happy about it makes you feel horrible and very alone and disconnected in the fandom#i don't wanna take it away from them but i also would love to see other takes but that's basically impossible now#am i the only person who feels this way or are there any other who can relate? pls let me know#i already feel like ppl are gonna attack me for this but it's been hard especially now with Simon's month and seeing so many interpretation#navigating ao3 has also become difficult now#it's hard finding fics to read where wille stays crown prince and you don't have to be scared for that to change#i just can't read any canon compliant fics anymore and i hate it bc i hate to disagree with canon#i normally don't do that bc canon is important to me and i don't want to reject it and create my own fantasy#and that's what's upsetting#anyway sorry i had to write this#personal
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What are you even supposed to do after you finish reading something that cannot be beat. I felt like that after finishing Golden Kamuy, but now I'm really fucking feeling it after just finishing Usogui. That was the most insane incredible experience I've ever had reading a manga. I kneel.
#its got me feeling like a victorian asylum patient.#fuck oh my god. please has anyone else read it please can yuo hear me...#its 7 am. i need to sperg somewhere. somehow.#i never make posts like this.. thats how much i need to glaze this series.#firstly. the yaoi is world class.#anything else would be secondary to that but everything else is executed flawlessly as well.#it gets so fucking silly. like the naked guy doing a polygraph on a plant so he could win at the game battleship.#but its also an emotional rollercoaster.#the foreshadowing that's sprinkled in everywhere ooohh my god....... the tension and build up and stakes... its peak......#when ive read some super popular normie manga like jjk or dunmeshi or csm ive felt literally nothing#they may as well have been dozens of volumes of tv static#but sooo many people love them and talk about them.#nothing wrong with liking normie stuff btw. thats just my subjective opinion on those series#i put usogui on my To Read list after watching some video essay that ive completely forgotten about ages ago.. and thats it#ive never seen anyone else talk about it.#if i can make just One tumblypoo read this series then i will be happy
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rinse and repeat
..had to get this one out of my system :')
#haha dont you love when the magic mirror that represents the lost legacy of your people now also represents#the loss of two of the most important people to you#my art#my ocs#oc: var'renan mahariel#quick n dirty but like i said im just. having Feelings and need to Put Them Somewhere :'')#when i say quick n dirty i mean work smarter not harder (trace one half of the eluvian flip it over put gradation map done) 👍#i dont love the colours tbh but it's fiiine#might clean it up later!#also. thinking abt noya in the timeline where renan dies at some point meeting kieran#and having whiplash bc here is this kid that inexplicably reminds her of the friend she lost years ago
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do other fields have this thing where 80% of people who are, in theory, mid-career experienced professionals are barely capable of performing fairly basic tasks without personalized guidance, or is software development just suffering under the curse of an entire generation being told to go into the field if they want to earn enough money to pay rent
#got off work two hours late today#because i was helping somebody with such daunting bugs as#'ah see the issue here is that you sent your content-type header to application/vnd.ms-excel for some reason.'#'you told the server that you are sending it an Excel file. like. an old Excel file. and you aren't. so why did you do that?'#'ah. I see. you copied some 12-year-old code and reused it without considering what it does? well. there's your problem.'#also 'one problem I see is that you spelled company wrong. yes. it has an M in it. right. put an M there. an M. like Monkey. M'#'yes put an M. no not at the end. see how you typed 'conpany'? yes it needs to be 'company'. so just fix that'#'right. c-o-m-p-a-n-y. yes. that's where the M should go. okay but now you've typed 'cmpany'. can we put an O there? yes after the C'#and 'well the problem here is that you're retrieving a list of numbers and telling Hibernate to interpret them as a random object'#'ah it's some code you copied from somewhere and didn't change apart from the query? yeah that tracks. well. change it.'
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Destroyer Bonus Collection :)
this is for non-canon works, AUs, or just bonus material i couldnt fit anywhere else
Caught Out - paris’s bad ending. torture dark fic.
After Hours - attempted noncon, hurt/comfort
Glow - “best memories” prompt
A Rubies Halloween - check in with the residents of castle damon
Aegean Seas - roleswap AU
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voice claims !!! <3
art :D
asks
delta playlist
crash out playlist
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#destroyer#living weapon whumpee#living weapon#whump#whump scenario#whump prompt#whump writing#hurt/comfort#yay#dont mind me this is for the masterlist#some of these unlisted works have been piling up i need to put them somewhere
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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da*2. is a game
#more thoughts below here be warned. i really enjoyed the introductory sequence and how it juxtaposed varric's dramatized version with the#real sequence of events. i also enjoy how they tied in lothering. imo id say the game has a really solid start. i also really enjoy the#visuals and stylistic direction of the game- i'd even go so far as to say i largely prefer it to inquisition (its just the oilyness LMFAO)#esp with the qunari and how they look.. less so with the proportions of the elves* (something that really irked me in inquisition is how#harold is forced to have the very clearly downscaled proportions while the elvish npcs (solas sera and basically every other elf#you interact with) dont have the slouched shoulders and very? crumpled looking frame). dont like that youre forced only to play as a human#though its very obvious that they were not given a reasonable amount of time to actually finish the game because OH MY GOD the reused#locations. the story was fairly solid at the start but the game is incredibly short (im in act 3 at the end of 2 days of playing) esp in#comp to origins. everything feels vaguely disconnected in a way thats uncharacteristic of bioware with the context of having played dao dai#and some of me1. and introducing the timeskips did Not help. i can see why people got absolutely attached to the companions however#with the system of friend + rival and it producing dichotomic benefits. rivalmances apparently existing also creates a really fun way of#interacting with your companions. i like anders#anyways completely unprompted thoughts on da2 over thank you for your time (i just needed somewhere to put them or i would go insane)
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me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts
#toy txt post#my reasons are irrational you dont need to try to talk me into it. i KNOW#its very silly of me#imagine how much reading i could get done. but alas. Feels Bad#even listening to a more. uh. Story type podcast or fiction like nightvale was a bit difficult to start for me. i like nightvale now i#listened. but i worry that is clocking in my brain as an Exception 😔 maybe it would be easier if i tried some nonfiction books? scary#i also struggle with single host podcasts apparently even tho im also ehhhh on the kind where the structure is the host Interviewing a#different person everytime? maybe it would be okay with a nonfiction audiobook tho cos it would be getting read by a narrator and not sound#so much like a guy ranting into a mic which makes me feel a little insane. altho propaganda doesnt necessarily always sound like a guy#ranting into a mic so idk. i could probably make it through if i can find a nice book about like. parasitic worms. i could tolerate#feeling like im falling into sigma male affirmations videos for worms i think. wormffirmations are allowed#*to clarify i dont listen to those but listening to better offline makes me feel like im morphing into the kinda guy who does and i hate it#which feels unfair cos he is RIGHT and the podcast is good but i need there to be like a cohost there to break the tension of the Ranting#sometimes he has guests on? but its not quite the same#i think the format i like best is either like 2 or 3 regular cohosts discussing things within a specific topic#OR. 1 host whos like infodumping to the other host who knows nothing about the subject. OR. 2 hosts info dumping to each other about#different aspects of the subject. OR. 1 host who brings on fun guests to infodump to them about a subject. and then obviously the subject#needs to intrigue me. ex. sawbones well theres your problem (I HATE THAT THIS ONE IS BEST EXPERIENCED ON YOUTUBE😭 I WANT THEM TO JUST DUMP#ALL THE SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST SOMEWHERE AND I CAN CHECK IN AND FOLLOW ALONG THAT WAY WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE MY PHONE SCREEN ON THE#WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!! but. im listening for free so its unreasonable to demand more of them BUT ALSO I FEEL LIKE JUST COPYPASTING ALL OF THE#SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST ISNT THAT MUCH MORE EFFORT THAN EDITING A WHOLE YOUTUBE VIDEO? WAAAAAH. THEY DONT NEED TO BE TIMESTAMPED OR#ANYTHING JUST THROW EM IN ILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTTT#anyway. also more than 3 hosts is really pushing my ability to keep track of voices.#anyway: sawbones wtyp tpwky behind the bastards scam goddess#(which is true crime adjacent but focuses mainly on scams and isnt copaganda and laci is funny and cool)#common descent pod completely arbortrary maintenance phase if books could kill#deep sea podcast has more bringing ppl in to interview them about shit than i personally enjoy but i put up with it cos i do like the hosts#and the subject
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HEY
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#pink space#i really like the subtract glitch i've been doing recently - so here's some of that again lol :3#the way it interacts with their palettes is so fun i like it a lot ehegh :33#//anyway do you ever consider just tossing out any part the human body you've learned to draw and just drawing dumb little guys with arms#like pipecleaners forever or what hfhs#//oh this is was doobled in traditional originally#i need to digitize more of these. Because#though aura's hair was more extreme in the second panel in that version - i'm tired though and 3 days ago it was the same so no feelings to#change that lol :)#also i didn't shrink the noise enough so it didn't look right - and i was not going to reimport it so Bon Voyage my dude hfhs#was Supposed to fit on a 900x900 canvas but i made the panels a liiiiitle bit too big so it's 950x950#which is Fine it's a round number but it's not a Round-Round number so [gesturing]#1000x1000 was way too big for this little thing so she sits at a pleasant halfway point :>#//anyway i was also up til 3 a.m. last night doing ?? something ?? i genuinely don't even know what lmfhsbvh#nice though maybe my brain'll get a reset lol :3#stay up really late some random nights and jumpstart your brain!! it's foolproof!! never fails!! [<- these statements have not been reviewe#by the FDA or the Center for Sleep Control]#//ANywho now i'm going to be on my way#/oh i also forgot to post the oath n aura refs i made for artfight lol-#i'll prolly put those up w/ the kira and hid ones though :>>#i like to have the whole ensemble :D i Do feel bad when one of them gets left out hghsfh - like forgetting a stuffed animal somewhere#even though they're all together for small portion of the story it still feels off lol#i should prolly introduce the rest of the cast at some point. .... ......... ..........hm yea prolly. maybe one day hfhs#//anyway NOW i'm going i've run out of tag space i think hfhs - toodles !! :>
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Playlist listened to while writing; https://spotify.link/WzxvdTKBCJb
Holy shit dude, the ceo of rei angst wrote some rei angst what the HELL!! We have to kill her guys she cant keep getting away with this.
Anyways im gonna be writing about a lot of these nerds. I just love rei. This is really rushed and I am really sleepy so it is not my best writing.
Also i cannot write teruya so you will habe to ppppUT UP WITH IT.
Warnings for like. Violence and my attempt at writing a breakdown.
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Rei held the rusty pipe like a baseball bat, swinging for a homerun as she smacked off the head of someone she once knew. Someone who had abandoned her long ago.
The rotting head of what used to be her mother rolled on the ground, sickly green skin squishing against the ground and stared up at her with lifeless eyes.
“I didn’t want to see you again like this,” Rei hissed as her chest heaved, “i wanted to see you staring with regret as you saw your daughter on top of the world. I didn’t want to kill you or see you dead.”
That had been the second time she had run into her zombified mother. The first, she had been a coward, unable to kill her and her father– the two people she hated most, the two people who had abandoned her and left her on the streets.
Where had all her rage gone that time. When had she become soft.
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Midori clung to Ryutaro with all the strength in her frail body. “My brother,” she whispered, “i saw my brother’s corpse down there. Kakeru… he… they got Kakeru… they killed Kakeu…”
He didn’t say much in return, but he did pat her hand briefly– the only comforting action he could manage while carrying her.
“I see a store up ahead. Let’s stop by there for supplies.” Keisuke pointed out to the leader of the bunch.
Setsuka patted the clown on the back and gave him a smile. “Sounds good, lead the way. Maki, do you need me to carry Yamaguchi for a bit?”
Midori wrapped her arms and legs around Ryutaro a bit tighter at the suggestion, very much attached to the guy who had found her and saved her from zombies.
“I’ll be fine until we reach the stop.” The blonde nodded his acknowledgement to the bluenette, forcing a smile as he struggled to catch up.
The group walked in silence for a bit, the only sounds being the orchestra of distant zombie groans.
“Miss Yamaguchi,” Hikaru said after bit, his tone fatherly like usual, “may I check your pulse soon? And may I check if the swelling on your ankles has gone down?”
“Yeah, that… sounds good. Thank you, Uncle.”
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Kanata removed the bandages from Ayame’s arm gradually.
“There isn’t any sign of infection, Hatano. Kinjo and Maki are still out, so… uhm… can I get you something to eat?” The surgeon spoke softly as she stared at the sprinter.
“I’m not hungry…” Ayame mumbled.
“Inori!” Tomori slammed the door open, her eyes sunken from lack of sleep, “i think i got bit. Check! Check, please!!”
Kanata bit back a sigh of exasperation and forced out her cheerful smile. “Of course. Where do you think you were bit this time?”
“My ankle. They went after my ankle so I couldn’t run! They’re going to eat me. I’m going to die, aren’t I? Oh, god, I’m going to die!” The cheerleader’s words were jumbled together and practically nonsensical. She grabbed onto Kanata’s shoulders as she spoke, her nails digging into the other’s lab coat and pressing her skin uncomfortably.
“Miss Tomori,” Kanata winced, “please let go of me. I will check your ankle, but I am sure you are fine.”
“I’m not fine!” Kizuna wailed before glaring accusatory daggers at Ayame. “If you… if you hadn't gotten yourself bitten! If you had just seen that bitch for what she is! We wouldnt be doomed! You’ve doomed us all!”
Ayame took the words without fighting back. What had been the point in fighting anymore? Kizuna was right. She had doomed them all.
“Miss Tomori, please… Taira had us all fooled… if Miss Hatano is to blame, then so are the rest of us…” the blonde murmured. “Please sit down so I can check your ankle…”
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Mindless. Kinji was mindless. His faith had only been able to spare him for so long.
His teeth were decayed now. His skin was green and purple and yellow. His eyes were dull. His cheeks were sunken.
It was incredible that his mind stayed intact long enough for him to bury as many as he did. The only bodies he didn’t put 6 feet under, the only bodies he couldn’t handle burying, were those of the people he knew.
But what was the point?
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Yuki held his stomach as he choked up and spat out the last meal he had, beans that had barelt even begun to digest.
“Urgh… gross…” he mumbled to himself.
Shinji was away at the moment, scouting out for the next safe place for them to go and likely trying to find his family in the process.
The lucky student fought back envious tears. At least they knew there was a chance that Shinji’s family was alive– they found his mother, Aiko, brutally murdered in the Maeda household. Her corpse was bloated and rotted when they found it.
The sight still haunted his dreams. He couldn’t even keep.meals down since he saw it.
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Mikako peered into her brother’s lab. He hadn’t eaten in quite some time, nor had he slept.
“Yamato…” she whispered hesitantly.
He spun around with a dart ready in his hand. He only lowered it after he registered it was her.
“Mikako, I’ve told you to leave me alone. I need to find a cure, or no one will be safe.” The inventor turned back to his work and threw a crumpled up piece of paper to the side.
“I’m sure someone else is searching for a cure, Yamato. Why not try to make a vaccine? Some sort of immunity would help while someone else finds a cure.” The exorcist suggested.
Her brother didn’t seem to have heard. That, or he was ignoring her.
“Ah… nevermind.” She straightened her back and spun on her heel to hunt down their other classmates.
For the newcomers, Satsuki was putting on a performance– juggling empty bottles and broken gadgets whilst telling jokes. That could not be safe, but Haruhiko seemed to have his eyes on her.
The bunker door heaved open, and Teruya’s team came in, carrying boxes full of food and other supplies.
“We’re back with dinner!” The merchant shouted.
Mikako rushed over to take the box from him.
“Thank you, Otori, this should be good for at least a week. You and your scavenger team did good.”
He grinned at her and handed his box over. “Thanks! We uh…” he hesitated, “We saw Taira and Maeda… err… Utsuro? On our flight back… they looked like they were heading somewhere… dunno where…”
She bit her tongue and nodded thankfully at him. “Thank you for telling me.”
-
Thats it. Im hungry good bye.
Aw yeah infection Au moment! I do remember you saying a while back that you wanted to write something about Rei in this Au and MAN her part has gotta be my favorite out of these little snippets.
I really like taking a look at how a bunch of the cast is doing, seeing the way you wrote them in those situations was pretty fun! It reminded me how much i like the idea of Setsuka's like group with the 6.5 cast and how Kanata probably wishes she has a degree in psychology to properly deal with Ayame and Kizuna (she may feel as if she's not doing enough for them seing as her kindness can only bring her so far when dealing with their turmoil)
#i really like thinking about the voids + hibiki in this au too#i never explained this before because i wanted to draw something for it but oh well#basically at one point the voids (as in Nikei Hajime and Emma since Iroha has been zombified and ran away by now) steal some suplies from#Syobai's apocalypse mob. so he sends Kanade and Hibiki to “take care of them” for him#because Kanade has deal with Syobai where she's essentially works as his executor whenever he needs it#and in exchange he lets her take things rom his stocks when she pleases (she mainly takes weapons. the crazier the better)#and you know. Hibiki i in her puppet stage so she goes along#so the twins go after the voids in their mad max-esc apocalypse car and after a while Kanade manages to corner them#and Hibiki takes this opportunity to stab her in the back :) literally#because turns out Hibiki snapped out of her puppet stage at some point a while back. and seeing Kanades terrifying true nature#she wanted to put an end to her madness but for the time being she kept pretending to be under her control. because she wa looking for the#right opportunity to deal a killing blow without because Kanade is a better fighter than her#this opportunity turned out to be the voids! she explains the whole story to them and offers to do something for them to make up#for the hell Kanade and her put them through (chasing them around for several days and getting into fights)#so Hajime asks for her to hand over all of her supplies. Emma asks for the car. and Nikei asks her if she has any information about#a possible cure for the virus (because he feels somewhat guilty for what happened to Iroha) and Hibiki tells her she knows of a scientist#that's working on one and recives chemicals suplies from Syobai (because he wants this capitalize on this cure whenever it gets done)#So by Nikei's orders Hibiki tricks Mikado into giving her a stash of Kokoro's solution and goes with the voids in a search for Iroha#so that they can give her the prototype cure (which works just as a virus suppressant so far) before she reaches a stage where her mind is#too far gone. so overtime Hibiki essentially becomes a void member and she has friends again for the first time since forever#i like infection au Hibiki a lot. i had a sketch of her and Kanade somewhere i think#super danganronpa another 2#danganronpa another#dra#sdra2#zombie au#infection au#hyena ramblings
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I should brobably do an au master post
#im working on some world building stuff regarding monsters and races#it’s been really fun but I have a lot of it and nowhere to put it#and I’ve been… needing a master post for a while#because shits about to get confusing#there are two prologue things surrounding link and sheik and they will eventually feed into the main comic#they’ll go by different names but I think I’ll just put them on the soh blog and not make two new ones#yeah I don’t really wanna make separate blogs for prologues that will be over in at least 30 pages#BUT! I can put my lineup somewhere finally#which is going to be nice#sorry about the inactivity btw#as far as the comics go#writing has been hell for a while now but it’s finally coming together
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tbh Zelda's "I think I just need to freak out for a little bit" line in Belles of the Baronies might be one of my favorite lines from her; peak "I'm not fine but it's fine" phrasing
#N posts stuff#I especially love it in its context which is that she's at a fancy party and getting wigged out by all the people and SPECIFICALLY#that she says 'this music is kind of stressing me out' about whatever run of the mill music they'd play at a party like that and so she goe#to put her headphones in to go mosh out to her usual metal -- so many people will rag on you for liking that kind of music when you#also have sensory issues 'oh if you can handle That noise i'm sure you can handle this [noisy situation] fine' WRONG#but i love that Zelda is allowed to put it as plainly as this and no one calls her out like it's some kind of contradiction#ESPECIALLY love that this line is Direct response to Sam asking if she wants to go out somewhere even quieter like the stables#and offers to have like Sending queued up so that they'll be able to get her right away if they need her -> not only not making a big deal#about her having to leave Immediately after they arrived but also being more than willing to Accommodate her in that wholly#they're so sweet and i love them. samzelda gang forever. anyway i think i want to make a shirt with some art of zelda on the front#and then that line on the back in some unintelligible metal band font i think it would be So dope if only i could get the energy to do it#dimension 20#d20: seven maidens#d20lb
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am i so hard to care about?
#i need to vent and i know u guys cant stand me because i can feel it (and certainly from the anon hate) but i think im gonna have an ulcer#if i dont put this out somewhere#SH s*icide tw !!!!!#i need some advice or opinions because i feel like im losing it#i dont understand why my friends cant care about me#i know !!! i know i seem out of touch and insane because i say this so often and the question to someone reading would come natural: maybe#it is just ur perception…. maybe u suck ass as a friend too#and i do ponder about that!!!!!! i take those possibilities into consideration i do. and i genuinely dont think i suck as a friend. i always#check in. if they seem off i ask how they feel. i ask updates on their stuff. i dont think i deserve this tbh#but especially when i am struggling they just disappear#like even when i reach out and let them know im doing bad. they clearly read my measages and choose to ignore them#these are supposed to be my best friends#these days ive been so bad. and trigger warning again#i just feel so suicidal and i have been hurting myself in the desperate attempt to cope and manage these thoughts#and i dont tell them these things#i dont share the details because 1) it is too much to dump on someone and 2) they dont show any interest even on the surface level of my#problems so i just wouldnt tell them the deeper issues#i am just in so much pain. and i also feel a lot of anger because of their behavior. i feel so so hurt by it. so many years of this going on#of them just not even acknowledging my struggles while i was in the midst of them and trying still to support them and be there for e#whatever they had going on. and getting nothing in return#i hate that i feel so angry but i do. and ive been swallowing this anger and pain for so long i feel it eating my insides#even my therapist doesnt understand why i am friends with people that dont care about me#i dont know what i should do#i want to say something#actually i already talked about this to one of them one year ago exactly and i told her all these things and she just said she didnt know#why i was ignored. and then still kept being a part of it#the thing is i am so upset and my mental health is so so so bad. i am supposed to spend new years eve with them in two days but i dont know#how i can do that feeling like this#but if i speak to them about it i think it will also ruin the mood#if someone has any thoughts or advice it would be very welcome….
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it's ALISON!
#em makes stuff#the flight of the heron#alison grant#ewen cameron#adventures of tiny keith and ewen#and alison too!!!#I actually made her in december and january but it took me until now to actually get around to taking nice photos#you may remember that the last time I drew her I put a very specific pattern on her dress and This is why!#my knee currently feels like it's being chewed on by animals but that could not stop me from taking them out to the gazebo last night#over the weekend I saw some people taking prom photos or whatever there and when I was thinking of locations I thought it would be Funny#also because I left it until quite late and I needed somewhere where a building wasn't casting a shadow :/#anyway HEY it's MAY and that means HERON TIME HOPEFULLY#want to work on fic but my brain has been and continues to be Soup.#per hap I will post some other photos of alison now that I have done these ones...#have one phrase for you and it is Functional Stays With Boning In Them
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