#I love this song it’s so weird and gay
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Not romance not annoyance but a secret third thing
#I love this song it’s so weird and gay#peak toxic yuri#molly’s manic meows#music recs#song recs#SoundCloud
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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@mcyt-aro-week day two: loveless! (AU is technically here too but. Loveless Sweep). Anyways! Shaking a can around ANYONE IN THE MARKET FOR LOVELESS ARO REDD AND GOD ASH??? We got businessmen we got unconventional queers Redd somehow found himself as the head of Ash’s temple and caught his favour you know how it is!
#mcyt aro week#lifesteal SMP#swagdoons#I HAD SO MUCH FUCKING FUN WITH THIS DAY DAWG. SO MUCH FUN#admittedly I had to do two takes because I didn’t realize that I would actually need to World Build but. WAAAAAAH#that said. it feels SO good to have someone respond to I love you in an atypical way. j was kicking my feet and giggling and shit#oh the sweet sweet feeling of projection ^-^#adore you atypical gays adore you weird ass relationships adore you divinity and gods#title is from death of peace of mind by bad omens btw!!!!! it’s on my alloaro playlist and since Redd is heavily implied to be alloaro#I said fuck it . most religious coded song on that playlist be upon ye#cats.writes
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They should make a support group for kids who had too much unrestricted internet access as a kid because it is just so complex. I also do not want to bring up pony.MOV in an expensive therapy session.
#been watching rainbow dash presents and MAS and listening to some old pony songs#i heard 5 seconds of love me cheerlie and i suddenly remembered what being a kid was like#its kind of sad how much my childhood was full of online stuff that i couldnt even process but then again my brain was fried with grief#at the time#good god though#but!! on a lighter note i loved and still love rainbow dash presents#i didnt even realise it was based on fanfics until i was halfway through it as a kid#i was a bit dense#but i was 8#but their Rainbow is... very me i love her#pinkie also#i realised thats why Gay Bar is so familiar to me because pinkie sings a snippet in it in episode 2#anyway#YEAH 2012 was a great year for me but i was so weird#cookie rambles#mlp#my little pony#sonic#sonic videos were very this#nostalgia
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I know some of classicsblr dislikes the way Madeline Miller modernized the Illiad for Song of Achilles but I loved Circe and I'm really liking this one so far
#you need modern pop culture titles to comp to so even if I didn't love Circe I would still read it#gay version of a tragic greek myth that's popular on tiktok = good comp title for a queer Helen of Troy retelling#I might have to rebrand to it being an Eris retelling tho#because of that Helen/Cassandra book that came out a few weeks ago#it looks good I'm just scared it will crush my hopes and dreams#possible other comp title is It Ends With Us bc it also involves intimate partner violence (Eris is a bad girlfruend)#while being popular on tiktok#but uh#what ive seen of that book is#how do I put this#bad#bad prose#misleading marketing#weird goofy details that derail the tone rather than lightening the mood#helen you deserve better than colleen hoover#eris you t--on second thought you might you apple rotten right to the core from all the things passed down from all the apples coming before#maybe i'll think of something better Idk#Song of Achilles × It Ends With Us just sounds more marketable than anything else I've come up with#i need to engage with booktok more#this is your writing ramble tm for the day
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18 + swaymark!!
oooo thank you!!
#18 - pleaser, wallows + swaymark
okay i know they are canonically obsessed with each other but. the song is in some ways about feeling like you’re failing in your relationship and being not quite as obsessed with them as they maybe are with you, and in this video of them talking about being a tandem, there is the slightest pause before swayman answers “do you miss him?” that makes me want to probe a wound. we’re not talking irl reasons of how that’s an absurd question (how do you miss him. you’re coworkers you’re seeing each other all the time) we’re talking that maybe this whole goalies-in-love thing got blown out of proportion and now swayman’s having to buy into the bit too hard. linus loves it & everyone’s asking about their bromance & how they love each other so much and the thing is—linus is safe. he’s got a wife and plausible deniability and jeremy? jeremy is gay. sure, he can crack jokes and people-please but the more people ask the more they're going to find out until maybe they find out something jeremy doesn't want them to know. and the longer this goes on, the more jeremy has to sit at linus' dinner table with linus and his beautiful wife and pretend like he isn't a little bit in love with him. and you know what? the longer it goes on and linus doesn't dial it down jeremy does stop being in love with him, because it just feels cruel, until he finally is done enough that he stops biting his tongue and ruins the moment.
#…this so is not a five sentence summary but ALSO this manages to perfectly align with something i was obsessed with (that media video)#like yeah is that pause reasonably a buffering time to a weird question? yes!!! do i want to read into it & make swayman a bit uncomfortabl#also yes!!! sorry i decided to give them tragique but they were assigned by spotify. the other option for this song was an ED fix-it fic#about healthy sex and learning that it can be a part of a normal relationship!! sex is weird and fucked up!! but like. that’s just because#i have always interpreted this song as a) unrequited best friend love & you’re worried you’re gonna fuck it up b) virgin who doesn’t know#what sex is and is scared to tell anyone and then option c) people pleaser keeps going along with it but can’t anymore#also OBVIOUSLY they end up fine. whether that ends up being jeremy finally telling linus (oblivious) i don’t want to do this with you#i need to get over you & them creating a platonic space & sway ends up with someone else OR linus has the oh. true. i simply never#considered that i could be gay for you option OR the one i have just invented but is now my favorite because i love a good polycule is that#linus & his wife simply add jeremy to their relationship. and then this song becomes jeremy scared to have sex with linus’ wife at first lo#liv in the replies#the interviews in that video doing the lord’s work fr but also that ‘do you not miss him’ feels SO uncomfortable. say no! but then he leans#in with the dirty jokes comment & i know i’ve made like eight variations already (sorry. that’s how my brain works) but it is soooo fun#to me personally if they are broken up but now have to act nice & keep doing all these rituals & sell us on the narrative & they’re just#trying to see who’s going to crack first. needle each other into laughing or getting irritated enough it shows through & the other one wins#do even more aggressive hug rituals!! get a medical warning from the athletic training staff!!!#moregraceful
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people talk about pumped up kicks as the premiere "school shooting song that is really catchy" but they're fools because i don't like mondays by the boomtown rats is right there and has been for nearly fifty years.
#personal#first of all it does give 'if i had a nickel for every time an insanely catchy and upbeat sounding song about a school shooting came out'#'i'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird it's happened twice' because yeah foster the people and boomtown rats both doing it#that's a coincidence#(tho i think pumped up kicks is more speculative whereas i don't like mondays is literally about the cleveland elementary shooting)#but second of all that song is so good i listen to it more than i should considering the subject matter#and for anyone wondering 'hey amelie you were born in 1999 why are you so into songs from the seventies and eighties?'#my father was the parent responsible for driving me around to school and various weekend activities and he was born in 1962#my music tastes have been so indelibly marked by his old white guy from wisconsin vibes#you wanna know my first exposure to the karate kid? wasn't from that gay netflix show#it was because he played 'young hearts' by commuter a lot and i REALLY loved that song when i was ten#and it happened to be in the soundtrack of the movie#and yes you did hear me right at ten years old one of my alltime favorite songs was one that came out in 1984#from what appears to be an incredibly obscure band
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im obsessed with legally blonde
at first iw atched the film everytime i was bored. now i discovered theres musical. and. i watched it 4 times this past week and last night i listened to the ‘so much better’ song a bijillion times. i hat emyself. i love this so much bro i cant bro THE 2008 VERSION? LAURA BELL BUNDY? QUEEN1!!!!!1!111!! I AM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH AT THE SHEER AMOUNT OF HIGH NOTES. BRO
#im gonna cry#its so good#my eyes droopy and im still watching this#the GREEK CHORUS MAN#it was so weird when they established that she imagined her friends out of sheer stress#and then her friend halucinated them too?#uhm#ANYWAYS#christian borle??!?!?!?!#hes..so cute?#i am#i am so normal about this#BLOOD IN THE WATER IS SUCH A BANGER NGL#also the first song is great#i love her delta nu sisters what a great support group#WHAT YOU WANT IS RIGHT INFRONT OF YOIUUUUU#sorry im listening to it rn#its so good?#im dieing on this hill man#the gay song in the third half??#so much about this musical is wild asf#the second half o the what you want song is fucking hilarious#AND NOW SOME LEGAL JARGON#TIME FOR HER CROSS BITCHES#i love this shit#the sheer love for red bull emmet has?#it has bro orgasming at the taste#lmao#i remember a scene where everyone looked at warner when they basically descriped gay twinks#slay ig
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Absolutely not the gayest Depeche Mode lyrics, this is amateur hour. Being a switch isn't even gay
#also if you did want to make some weird bdsm=gay jump there's a MUCH better song for that#also also the fucking TITLE of strangelove is gay why is that not being used as part of the explanation#also while i dont have five off the top of my head i do have one#v1: an angel led me when i was blind / i said 'take me back / i changed my mind' / now i believe#v2: from the blackest room i was torn / you called my name / a love was born / so i believe#explanation: faith built on love causing a denouncement of faith built on blindly following authority#oh right the song for that one is Suffer Well
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watanuki is red velvet coded and i refuse to let this go
#whenever I get good enough or have enough free time to draw him as a bunch of reve songs it’s over for everyone#shopkeeper watanuki is the peek a boo gay witch coven pizza guy murderer concept#and im CORRECT!!!!#but in general it just has tanuki vibes to me idk#the weird x sexy x artsy concept mix and the styling just suits him in my head#plus there’s a consistent running theme of sweets and baked goods#I love that sense of consistency#I love headcanons and personal character interpretation cause I bet some people would think this comparison is so fucking random
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I'm french and like many people here, watched the ceremony out of pure spite. Was I surprised? No. Fucking annihilated.
It had EVERYTHING:
- Random kids carrying the flame
- Gays.
- French cancan't
- Furries
- Lady Gaga???
- Craftspeople and public workers
- Bloodshed, cannons and a metal band
- Masked genderless silhouette parkouring their way through the whole mess
- More gays
- Polyamory
- Non-binary dancers and actors
- POC dancers and actors
- Disabled dancers and actors
- Whatever the fuck was going on with those poles
- Lesbian kiss?
- France's most hated rapper singing a song written entirely in slang in front of THE FUCKING INSTITUTE DEDICATED TO THE FRENCH LANGUAGE?
- Her being accompanied by the National Guard orchestra.
- Gays. SO MANY gays.
- MINIONS???
- Hundreds of top quality instruments getting fucked up by the rain.
- Drag queens, opera dancers, fashion designers and...oh, yeah, Alsace.
- National icon Philippe Katherine but make it blue
- 100 years long horse ride
- Damn that armor's looking fine
- Giant balloon ascending to the sky and...just fucking staying there cause they had nowhere to put it
-Did I tell you about the gays?
Holy fuck.
I'm flabbergasted. I'm bamboozled. I'm lying dead on the ground, holding my last breath.
I mean yes, it was funny. Yes, it was strange. Yes, it gave France a super weird reputation.
BUT DO YOU REALISE THAT THE DESIGN COMMITTEE JUST SAW THE RISE OF OUR EXTREME CONSERVATIVE PARTY AND DECIDED TO THROW A MASSIVE "FUCK YOU" AT THEM???
I think I'm in love. Call me french in training.
#paris#paris olympics#paris 2024#olympics#lgbtqia#poc representation#disabled representation#oh my lords I have so many things to say#so proud of living in the shithole rn
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baby fever
capt. john price
cw: smut/pwp, dirty talk, breeding/pregnancy, filthy, husband!price, slight age gap (reader is early 20s, price late 30s), military formal wear, oral (m receiving), doggy style, unprotected
bunny says: i thought about built/chubby price and him in his military formals and my brain turned off. this was the end result.
price wasn't beating the bear allegations. while he wasn't a gay bear, he knew that there were a lot of women who loved his physique. dusting of hair, built but enjoyed a good sunday roast. thick fingers and broad tongue. he was a built man after his years of service.
but if price had to pin you as an animal, it would be his little chickadee. small and fragile with a cute little song. the most loveliest thing he had ever laid his eyes on. no wonder within a year of dating, you were already engaged.
price knew when he had a good thing going and didn't want to ruin it. you were still in university, but he'd never make his darling girl quit school for his sake.
"'ey, love." he said as he walked past you on your laptop. he leaned in and kissed the side of your neck, "studyin' well?"
you looked over and smiled at him, "of course, big bear." you took him by the face and kissed him on the cheek. your engagement ring gleamed in the light of the living room.
but even the brightest university students could easily crumble against a man like price. it didn't help that there was a spike in your baby fever. it was almost embarrassing when you watched price in the living room, shining his uniform boots. it also didn't help when he was making sure that formal attire still fit.
he noticed you staring, you didn't try to hide it.
he stood there in front of the full length mirror in your shared bedroom. the beret, the jacket, the medals. hands on his hips as he looked at you. he smiled, his eyes crinkled at the sight of your jaw almost on the floor.
"tryin' to see if everythin' still fit. need to go back to the gym, your cookin' is gonna be the death of me, love." he chuckled. he dragged his tongue across his top teeth and said, "now that i know, why don't ya help me get out of it."
maybe a man in uniform was your (not-so) secret kink. you've seen him in everything under the sun, but every time it still made your throat dry. you were in your sunday pajamas, paired with fuzzy slippers.
he reached out for you, "ya like when i'm dressed like this, huh?" he chuckled as he tilted his head down to kiss the top of your head.
"i mean." you said, "you look good." you blushed a little bit more and looked away from him, but he took you by the chin to look at him. those blue eyes peered into yours.
"don't be shy, love." he said, "i like when ya stare."
you held onto the front of his jacket, the thick material felt heavy in your grasp. you could feel the wetness between your legs. damn price. you said, "you look good, big bear."
he reached down and took a handful of your ass, "and you look even better, my chickadee. now c'mon, undress yer man." then licked his top lip at the sight of your delicate hands trying to undo the formal jacket. he then took you by the head again and said, "pants first." then helped you onto your knees.
you swallowed and looked up at him. if anyone looked inside, they'd see a weird power dynamic. but all price saw was an eager little birdie trying to get her hands on her husband.
"those medals look nice." you said as he reached for his belt.
he chuckled, "not as nice as your lips on my cock." then dragged a hand through your hair. the belt soon came off as his pants were unzipped. he was thankful that he knew how to get any stains out of his uniform, because he knew you were a messy girl.
you took his cock out of his slacks. it stood was full attention and even after all this time together, the sight of it was still arousing. cut, thick, a deep pink (not quite red) and almost eight inches in length. you once joked it was a "porno dick".
you kissed the underside of it with such warmth that it made the man shudder. then started the slow, small licks against the shaft. you chuckled to yourself at the feeling of his cock under your tongue. he felt like a dream.
"that's a good girl. my darlin' girl." he said with a hint of pride in his voice. he loved the sight of you on his knees. even if the sweat down his back was making the heavy jacket more uncomfortable.
you stroked the base of his cock with one hand while you put your mouth fully on the tip. you teased it with wet strokes of you tongue. you could hear the gruff noise your husband made.
you squirmed a little while on your knees and could feel a dull throb between your legs. price's cock was an impressive sight and a task to fully get in your mouth.
"ya got a small mouth, love.' he remarked jokingly, "too small for all of this. but i know you'll do your best.' he combed his fingers through your hair once more before it rested on the back of your head.
he supported your head while you continued to orally pleasure him. he loved his woman on her knees in front of him. while he held you in high regard, he thought you were the sweetest things since strawberries on cake, but there was something about seeing HIS woman like this.
you looked up at him and a groan got caught in his throat. you gave him a cute little wink before you continued to stroke him off. your other hand was on his strong thigh for support as you pleasured him.
"oh sweet fuck." he groaned.
you knew you'd never take all of him in your throat but you made the most of what you could. his cock was heavy in your mouth as you continued to move your head.
he gripped the back of your head, he felt hot all over as pleasure pumped through his veins. he loved his girl, his darling sweet angel. yeah the age difference was to raise an eyebrow at. but if they knew the angel he managed to get a ring on, they'd understand.
his little chickadee.
you looked up at him once more. the way he looked down at you with a guiding hand on the back of your head. you pulled your mouth off his cock and looked up at him with your tongue out of your mouth.
"fuckin' doll eyes." he said, "get back to what you were doin', i want to see you take every last drop."
you once again went back to orally pleasuring him. your hand dug into the meat of his thigh as you tried to take more of his cock in your throat. the noises that came from your husband made your core ache.
the bright pink in his cheeks made you smile as he messed up with hair with his broad hands. he felt so big next to you. his little precious wife doing everything in her power to get him off.
with a few more thrusts of your head with his cock nudging the back of your throat. you moved to keep the tip against your tongue as he came down your throat. you didn't want to choke on his cum but you savored every last salty drop.
maybe a man in uniform did things to you.
when you pulled away, you looked up at him. "i want you, john." you said as you licked your lips and wiped your chin with the back of your hand, "i want to have your babies." the baby fever was thrumming in your veins, "fuck me, big bear."
he raised an eyebrow, "babies, huh? i thought you wanted to be a working woman." he said cheekily.
you rose to your feet, your legs were shaky as you grabbed him by the front of his uniform jacket and kissed him deeply. you almost toppled over him but he held you by the middle for support. when you pulled away, you panted as you said, "breed me price, or i'll find someone else to do it."
his expression darkened, "don't be sayin' things like that, love." he pulled you close to him. his cock was still hard between you two, "you better not run off with some runt." he kissed your heated cheek, "now face down, ass up, chickadee."
you pulled away from him and turned towards the bed. you shredded your clothes and almost threw yourself onto the large mattress. your face against the pillow with your back arched and hips raised.
you felt the bed sink soon after with your husband's large hands on your hips and his cock rested against your ass.
"your uniform." you squeaked.
"i'll iron it tonight." he replied, "right now, my darlin' girl needs her pussy fucked." his vulgar language made a shiver run through you.
when he bottomed out into your pussy, you felt the air escape your lungs. you clutched onto the pillow. he got a perfect view of your backside, his gaze felt hungry against you.
"please."
"my darlin' girl." price said softly. he leaned in and kissed you on the shoulder. you felt like a tight heat around him. "my beautiful wife." price adored that you were his wife. that you decided to marry him, now he got to feel up your beautiful figure every moment.
"god, john." you moaned, "was it always this damn big?"
he chuckled lowly, "you make me hard, love. i see ya and i just go wild." he then started to kiss at your shoulders and neck.
you held onto the pillow and panted in the pillows. you felt the sweat at your back as you were fucked. you panted into the fabric and felt your husband thrust into you.
"sweeter than jam and more fuckable than a toy." he chuckled lowly as he began to pick up the pace. he could feel your heat under him, you were a dream in his eyes.
the precious wife to be a beloved captain, almost twenty years her senior. the bed creaked under your movements and the sweet sounds of your sex filled the air. it was also joined by your sweet noises that encouraged your husband to keep fucking you.
you felt hot all over as the man fucked you. the pleasure rolled through your body as you moved against the bed. you panted and moaned into the pillow and let your husband thrust into you.
"my sweet girl." he purred.
"please, john." you whined.
the sex between you two felt hot, like you were on a knife's edge as he rutted against you. you could feel the heat pool in your gut as he moved against you. sweat clung to your chest and neck. your hair stuck against your skin.
"that's it." he murmured. his cock throbbed inside of you.
your love making continued, you pushed the hair out of your eyes the more he fucked you from behind. your hands were deep in the pillow as you moaned into the fabric.
price loved the sight of you. he just thought that you looked amazing, HIS girl was like this under him. he was your big strong bear and he loved the sight of you under him. just a dream to him. his heat raced in his hairy chest as he placed more weight on you.
"shit, john." you groaned.
"I got ya. i'll be finishin' in ya soon. give ya all the babes you want." he chuckled as he kissed your heated cheek. his thrusts were quick and made you see stars behind your lids.
you were heated all over and your head was swimming. you panted wildly into the bed and with a few more strokes of his cock, you came around him.
price groaned at intense heat around his cock. he went as fast as he could and felt the sweat down his toned back. he pressed himself further into you and finished.
his cum shot to the back of your cunt and you let out a pleased noise. his pace slowed down until he stopped and pulled out. he wiped the sweat from his forehead and scratched his hairy chest, "how's that, love?"
you laid fully flat on the bed and nodded your head, "we're going to have to keep goin' though, big bear. you've done so much damage to yourself that your swimmers aren't as strong as they used to be." so you rolled onto your back and reached for him, "c'mon. fuck me again."
he chuckled as he leaned back on his heels and stroked his cock, "of course chickadee. anythin' for ya."
#bunny writes#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare#reader insert#call of duty smut#call of duty x reader#price mw2#captain john price#john price#captain john price smut#john price smut#price smut#cod modern warfare#captain price#price#john price x reader#price x you#captain price x reader#price x reader
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When this song plays on GTA V .... so awesome
#b.txt#audio#like i may dunk on bx album mostly because of its rabid dickriders ... but I still love the album so much its really neat#in one hand I would have loved for kelli not to get fired from the band by the other two so we could get more songs like this#...but at the same time splinter nor bloodsport would exists#i guess just things happen for a reason methinks#also lmao look at chris in the back- jesus why does he look so weird in all SP's photoshoots#chris: god may forgive you for being gay- but he'll never forgive you for that haircut#sorry I had to LMAO
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I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar
Alexia Putellas x Explorer!R
8.5k Fluff, Fun, Minor Angst
Hi Guys,
This is pt4. in the 'I Would Climb Every Mountain With You" otherwise known as Explorer!R Universe. TW: description of killing an animal.
Highly recommend you read those 3 first, as this is entrenched in lore. Pt 1 can be found here.
It's developed from an ask I received from @karsonromanoff so thank you so much for the idea! I hope I did it justice and I'm sorry for the delay and the words. ha.
This is the first time I've written since my dad died. I'm not being emo or heavy about it but I am asking to please, be kind. I know there's nice people out there but often they're drowned out by the loud haters.
So throw us a comment, like or reblog if you enjoyed. I'm just trying to get back into something that brought me joy. I know I enjoyed writing it.
Also, may be weird for a fic about a spanish gay footballer, but you probably need a good working knowledge of Bear Grylls to understand 80% of this. ha.
As has become tradition, here's the song running though my head when writing! Yes, my music taste remains to be that of someone born in 1962. God love Helen Reddy.
“Vamos Ale! I don’t like to make Miguel wait…” you shout from the kitchen, bag resting on the countertop as you try to fix your bracelet with your left hand,
“Deja de preocuparte, a él no le importa, I will be one minute…” you head called back from the bedroom where your wife had been getting dressed for 2 hours now.
Yes.
Your wife.
Sometimes you couldn’t believe it.
Sometimes the weight of the band on your finger catches you by surprise and you’d remember.
Sometimes Alexia would place her hand on your bare thigh and you could feel the cool metal on your skin and you’d remember.
Sometimes you’d get called “Mrs Putellas” at a school talk, or at the Doctors, and you’d remember.
It felt so natural that sometimes you’d forget that you weren’t always Alexia's wife.
But now you are. And had been for almost 6 months. And married life couldn’t have suited you more.
Your wedding ring was your new favourite accessory, you never took it off.
In a fire you would save Alexia and your ring.
Maybe even your ring first.
It was embossed with the imprint of grass that Alexia has been collecting from each pitch of each game she had played in since you had met. The intricate design brought tears to your eyes as soon as you saw it. Made even worse by the inscription “’cause you are my goal”.
You would be embarrassed if Alexia hadn’t cried like a toddler when you presented her with the ring you had made for her, which had rock from each of the 7 peaks you had scaled, as well as a granule of sand from the Dead Sea set within it. Integrated into the metal, visible but smooth to the touch.
The inscription 'every mountain high, every valley low' on the inside of the band.
You knew you’d done good and you knew your Ale well enough to anticipate the absolute mess she would be when presented with it, ensuring you had a pocket full of tissues for the inevitable waterfall.
You weren’t wrong.
You had to assure a passing couple on the trail you had chosen that she was fine, not having a medical incident and you were definitely not mid break-up but in fact exchanging wedding bands early because you knew your fiance well enough she didn’t need her teammates to witness this much of her soft side.
Though you tried, they still saw enough on your wedding day to tease her for the last 6 months with no sign of slowing down.
Though right now your wife's behaviour was nothing but unexpected. You had agreed to attend one of Alexia's events this evening. Since getting married you had felt more of a duty to attend and make up for the years you’d left her carrying her own handbag whilst you trotted over mountains on the other side of the world.
She insisted that you didn’t have to. Like she always did. You weren’t one for the fancy dresses and the flashing cameras. But you saw the gleam of hope in her eyes as she insisted she would be fine on her own.
You couldn’t let that sparkle dim.
Also you had to set off for a camp in a few days and you had gotten seriously stuck in the honeymoon phase meaning that an evening without your wife by your side wasn’t something you could stomach.
Not that you would admit to being so clingy.
But it wasn’t like Ale to take so long to get ready, neither of you being particularly fussy, usually she would throw on some light makeup, smack your bum whilst you ate nutella off a knife under the hob light, procrastinating getting ready until she dragged you and dropped you into the ensuite, steal a kiss and a spray of perfume, and wait for you whilst watching old football clips in the living room.
But now, as you still struggled to attach the clasp of your bracelet and you had one eye on the poor Barca driver, Miguel, waiting in your driveway, you started to grow frustrated at your wife's sudden vanity.
You smelt her perfume invading your senses as you felt her arms envelope you from behind, moving your uncoordinated left hand away and easily attaching the clasp of your bracelet for you, pressing a kiss to your neck as she did so.
“Finalmente… Let’s g-...” you spoke as you turned in her embrace, finally taking in her attire which stopped you in your tracks.
“Boobs”
You had suddenly turned into a 14 year old boy and you couldn’t explain it.
You had seen your wife naked hundreds of times.
Hundreds of fantastic times.
But here she stood looking, regal. Her hair falling lightly over her face, her dark sparkly dress with wide shoulders and only what you could describe as a boob portal you had been rendered speechless. Mouth gaping open like a fish.
“...Amor?...” you heard the delight in her voice. “Are you listening to me… my eyes are up here.” she jokingly clicked her fingers in front of your face which took you out of your breast-inspired trance.
“Ale you are so beautiful” you looked deeply into her eyes but you didn’t miss the blush rising from her neck. And you meant it. She was. Wow.
“Do you like it?” she asked, shyly, “You don’t think it’s too much? It’s just the first event we’ve gone to together since we got married and I wanted to…”
You interrupt her but pressing a kiss to her lips, and, well, if you slipped a little tongue in there then fine. She was your wife after all.
“What? Show the world what they're missing out on? I am so proud to stand by your side, my love.” you whispered into her lips, as you toyed with her wedding band.
You couldn’t help yourself…”and your boobs are fantastic.”
She barked out a laugh as you leaned back into where you left off, but she took a step back, her heel clicking against the tile floor, to which you let out an annoyed grumble.
“Oi Oi, Mi Amor. What about poor Miguel, he is waiting, Si?” she teased.
“He doesn’t care… Cálla y bésame.”
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You took a deep breath and leaned back on your chair at the round table you found yourself at. Alexia had been pulled from your side which she had stuck to like glue all evening, to go and present the final award of the evening which she had just done, very sexily if you do say so yourself. All confident and boob-y.
You smiled, imagining her now making small talk backstage, eyes bored but a smile plastered on her face as she tried to make her way back to your table.
Your other table-mates seemed to take the opportunity of the break in the ceremony to raid the free bar put on by the charity. Which seemed very uncharitable of them. But, as you toyed with the rim of your glass, who were you to judge?
Stomach full from a mediocre-mass produced meal and head happily fuzzy from the bubbles you had consumed you found yourself oddly satisfied as you sat here. In this conference room-turned auditorium in the middle of Barcelona, here, loudly and proudly as Alexia's wife.
Mrs Putellas.
You couldn’t help but smile to yourself, you felt weirdly grown-up. With your wife, your house, and your business. You blinked and missed yourself becoming so settled and for once in your life you weren’t terrified of the idea.
You saw the glint in Alexia's eye. When Irene and her wife would come round for dinner and bring their kid. She’d surrender all hostess duties and sit on the living room floor, crawling around at the beck and call of whatever imaginary game the 5 year old insisted on. You’d seen her perfect her lion roar in that very spot. It probably matched the glint in yours when you were grocery shopping and a child being pushed in a trolley would go past shoving cookies into the trolley without their Mother seeing.
Maybe, you thought, maybe it was time…
“It is you! I am so sorry to interrupt. I had to come over to introduce myself. I am such a fan…”
You glanced around, expecting Alexia to be standing over your shoulder and smiling politely at the person who had approached your table to meet her… but you were met with blank space and then you engaged your silly brain and realised the person was speaking English and looking at you and…
Oh My God.
It’s Bear Grylls.
“Oh My God. You’re Bear Grylls.”
You let out.
Stupidly.
Standing and thrusting your hand out like an idiot to your legitimate childhood hero.
You and your brother would watch his series for hours as children. Sat cross-legged 2 inches from the TV on your living room floor, eating up every second of his adventures. Your mum had to stop you from eating a woodlouse once in your garden because you’d seen him eat a cricket in the Amazon the evening before. Your brother smacked upside the head for trying to drink a cup of his own wee for the same reason.
Now you were a well-seasoned adventurer yourself you knew that all of that was for theatricks.
You had spent more than 7 weeks wandering the Amazon yourself once, and not one drop of urine passed your lips. Not one 8 legged insect had you gulped down in one.
But still.
Hero.
He took your hand graciously, as you both sat back down you prepared to barrage him with questions but before you could he jumped right in…
“I have been wanting to meet you for years. But my team said you had disappeared off to Spain and couldn’t be tracked down. Please, I've been desperate to know. .. Tell me all about summiting Orjas del Salado…”
So you told him, and you asked him about his adventures, and you chatted for what could have been hours, sharing stories and advice with Bear-fucking-Grylls.
He blushed as you pointed out his for-TV tricks and you thanked him for being a portal into the wider world from your living room.
At some point you felt Alexia return, a strong hand on your shoulder. You paused your monologue about Patagonia and giddily took her hand in yours, introducing them to each other.
Polite pleasantries exchanged you could tell she had legitimately no idea what was going on or who this middle-aged English guy at your table was, but judging from your excited eyes, she didn’t need to interrupt.
It didn’t take too long for someone from his team to pull him away for an interview with the charity. But as you stood to say your goodbyes he made an offer, “You know, me and the production company are making a special about survival in the Alps… I would love for you to be a guest star.”
You stood there like a gaping fish for a moment. “Really?” you asked, in wonder, your 7 year old self spinning around in glee in your chest. Alexia smiling up at you from her chair at the joy in your voice.
“Of course! I would be honored, it’s especially about how to survive in an Avalanche situation. Obviously, with what happened in Nepal…you are an expert in that fie…”
At that point, Alexia stopped her polite silence she had been maintaining whilst you had your moment with your childhood hero. And abruptly stood, clutching your hand hard in both of hers, stern look on her face.
“No.”
From the look on his face you gathered that this successful upper-middle class white English man had not been told no too often, and a beat of silence followed which Alexia was more than happy to fill.
“Sorry Señor Oso. She doesn’t do snow now. Thank you for the offer though.”
She said it with such finality that even you didn’t think to question it. Her mis-translation brought a smile to your face. Her hands still encompassed yours, her eyes didn’t leave his face. As though daring him to rebuff her.
He looked at you as though to confirm she could answer for you. Of course she could. But you knew this refusal wasn’t just about you, but about her also. You knew the anxiety it would cause her for you to put yourself in that situation wasn’t worth anything on this planet.
Nevermind the trauma it would dredge up for you. So obviously, you agreed.
“Sorry Mr Grylls. Not my rodeo anymore. I’ve got some contacts though who you could work with” you politely confirmed your refusal and felt Alexias hands lessen their grip on yours in relief.
“No, no, of course. Sorry. But no. I would really love for you to be involved in the series. We have an episode about promoting women in outdoor pursuits. It's still on the drawing board, but if you are interested I’ll get our people to liaise with each other!”
“That sounds amazing but… I don’t have any people for you to…”
“Don’t be silly Mi Amor” Alexia interrupts again, hand still in yours and the other expertly reaching into her clutch and pushing a card into his outstretched hand… “We have people. Please, Oso, be in touch.”
Smiling vaguely and confusedly at your wife, still clearly mildly terrified of her, he takes the card as he's dragged away by his handler. He's probably still in hearing distance as you squeal in glee and throw yourself into your wife's arms, making her spin with the momentum.
“Ale, Ale, Ale!!! Do you know who that was….” you exclaim.
She can’t help but laugh aloud at your antics, soft look on her face as she lifts you lightly off the ground to stop your spin.
“Si Mi Amor, ese era el hombre oso de la televisión. Tu favorito.” she replies with a smile on her face, speaking softly, somehow, in the middle of this event where she was the guest star, making you feel as though you were the only person in the universe.
“No.” you corrected “..eres mi favorito.” You sealed your words with a light kiss to her lips, chaste but warm.
“Ah, Si. And you have had some wine. You always get soft after wine.” she lightly rolls her eyes with affection at your gushing over her.
It’s your turn to roll your eyes as you pull her into a soft sway, your childhood hero quickly forgotten now you’re in the company of your wife.
Though the giddiness in your bones from your encounter remains.
“Si the wine.” you agree moving your lips close to her ear as you whisper, breath dancing against her cheek, your hand moves to her chest and you feel her breath falter at your closeness,
“but also your boobs.” and you quickly poke her exposed chest between her breasts before she can stop you, and you move away from her pulling her behind you as you rush off to the bar.
“Amor!” she cackles.
“Vamos Ale! A La Barra!”
—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Estoy Muerta.”
You grumble in complaint into the chest of the warm and moving pillow that you had clearly settled on in the night.
“Shh Ale.”
“Me estoy muriendo y a mi esposa no le importa.”
“You are not dying Ale. You are hungover and over 30”, you mumble in reply, moving away from resting on her chest, the heat becoming too much for your own fuzzy brain.
“Explain to me how that is different.” she doesn’t take kindly to your light chuckle in reply, as you move your hand to cover your eyes from the sunlight starting to bleed through the curtains.
You peek an eye open and see the remnants of your previous night strewn across the bedroom floor.
You take in the glorious dress of your wifes thrown across your chest of drawers. You recall unzipping it with your mouth after making very good use of the boob portal. Much to Alexia's delight.
You had probably taken it a little bit too far at the bar. Your giddiness let your binge-drinking brit out a little too much.
You had a flash of memory at dancing on a table at a dive bar in the town centre, before being brought down by Alba who you had called and demanded come and dance the night away.
Meanwhile Alexia had been in the corner trying to drunkenly explain to Mapi a set of complicated tactics that they should try out at an additional training session in the morning.
“I thought you had scheduled extra training today Ale” you teased after taking in her pasty complexion as you rolled over and settled back down onto your, cooler, side of the bed.
“I hate you.” she replied, quite seriously, as she moulded herself against your back, taking your hand in hers and burying her face into the back of your neck.
“Of course you do, dear, it feels like it.” you tease again, wiggling yourself and making her grumble again.
You rest there for a few moments, before you’re dragged onto your back again and pulled into Alexia's embrace as she moves you around like her own personal teddy bear.
You go with the flow, quite used to your wife's clingy nature, especially when she didn't feel well.
But your silence doesn’t last two minutes before she rolls you over again, now onto your back, “Oh bloody hell, where are we going now.” you mumble, as she rests her head on your chest this time, nuzzling into your breasts.
“me estoy poniendo cómodo.” she mutters into your bosom, “allá. ahora estoy cómodo”. You run your hands through her hair, smiling down at your wife who is practically purring at the attention.
“Bebé…”, you make a noise of affirmation.
“Will you…” you know what she wants, and you know she must be feeling bad if she’s asking for attention.
“Si, my love. voy a trenzar tu cabello. One big plait or lots of little ones?”.
“The tingly ones por favor” she mumbles into your chest. Your heart expands at her adorableness, never quite learning the English for ‘french plait’ they became known as the ‘tingly ones’ in your household, because of the feeling she would get as you plaited her wet hair after a game, hands working through her scalp.
It brings a smile to your face and you can see the lovesick smile on hers where it is squished against your chest.
You start to section out her hair as she lies still, your ministrations slowly putting her to sleep, working methodically in the quiet morning.
Moving strand over strand in intricate braids, lightly tugging her scalp and undoing when it's not perfect and redoing, giving her an extra scratch to the soft skin behind her ear when you get there, knowing it's her most sensitive spot. Receiving a sleepy purr in satisfaction as your reward.
You hear the animals from the national park outside, feel the sun starting to warm the room around you. Her chest rising and falling against yours hypnotising you further into the moment. You’ve got grand plans, brunch and a walk along the beach in your mind, maybe a lazy afternoon swim, hold on no. Maybe a lazy afternoon skinny dip. Yeah.
That sounds good.
You’ve almost finished tying off the last plait when you are startled back into the moment by the buzzing of your wifes phone on the bedslide table.
You fight back a smile at the groan that is emitted from your fully grown-pro-athlete-wife. It resembled that of a teenager who’d been asked to clean their room or no dessert. When she doesn’t go to make a move you nudge her shoulder.
“Ale. Ale, your phone."
“No.”
“Yes."
“No."
“C'mon Ale.” you reach across and pick the phone up. “It could be important. It could be your secret wife wondering where you are.”
She rolls off you at your tease, throwing you a glare that resembles more of an angry kitten than anything, “It could not be, she knows where I am. I snuck out whilst you were dancing on the tables in that last bar to make plans for dinner.”
“Ah, Si of course. My mistake.”
She surges up and gives you a completely unnecessary chaste kiss, as though even the joke is too much and she has to confirm she’s kidding. The phone has stopped vibrating against the bedside table and the silence that settles over you both is welcome.
“How are you so okay? I feel like I have been run over by a truck.” she states as she rubs her face, finally sitting up to start the day.
“You are old.
“I am 2 months older than you.”
“Two, very long, months my darling.” you tap her cheek lightly as you move to get out of bed, throwing on one of her oversized t-shirts you find on the floor.
“Seria, how?” she asks again, now sprawling across the space you have vacated.
“I am English. I once did a vodka shot through my eyeball in the park. I was 14.” you state, plainley, eyebrow raised in challenge as she just looks at you, open mouthed.
“Ojalá no hubiera preguntado.” she mutters, as her phone starts to ring again.
“Ale, phone.” you say, just to annoy her.
“¡lo sé!” you hear thrown at you, as you head downstairs to set some food out for Billy-the-Goat, and make a coffee for your dying wife.
Soon after, you feel her presence behind you as you stir her coffee, turning as you feel her hands wrap around your waist and presenting her coffee and she takes it from you as though it's a ballon d’or. She takes a sip before she presses a kiss to your head.
“That was my agent.”
Your heart drops, and you can’t help the petulant whine that leaves your lips.
“No, Ale! I wanted to spend the day together. Try that new brunch place Alba told us about. Have a swim, just be together. Whatever brand needs you can wait. Tell them no, please” you finish your little monologue with a pout, and you feel a childish frustration rise as a laugh teases against her lips. You don’t get very far when a kiss is pressed against your lips.
“Well that sounds like the perfect hangover cure Mi Amor. Do you not want me to tell you what it is before I tell them no though?” there's something in her taunt, a glint in the eye that makes you think twice as your mouth already wraps around the refusal.
You take a moment too long apparently, and she takes things into her own hands as she clutches her coffee happily and spins around, “I’ll tell them no! Don’t worry Mi Amor…” teasing lilt in her tone. Whatever the news is, it has pulled her from her hangover.
You wait a beat
Another.
“Fine, What is it!” you groan out in defeat, hands raised to the sky, Alexias t-shirt riding high on your thighs as you raise your arms.
Your wife turns and is distracted momentarily by the flesh on display. Before you cough and she remembers what she's supposed to be doing. Coy smile on her face returning.
“That was my agent…” you huff out at her drawing out the anticipation. “Or should I say our agent.” your brow furrows in confusion as she continues… “she has been contacted by a muy interesado oso.”
Realisation starts to dawn on you, memories of the previous night flashing in your mind and you can’t help the grin that forms.
“Si, Mi Amor. It turns out he really meant it. She said they were willing to offer anything to get you on. She’s getting the details now and will contact us again after our day together today to see if you are interested”.
“I am interested!” you exclaim with glee, Alexia throwing her head back in laughter.
“I know Amor, but let's let them sell it to you. You need the details. Though… I am sure it is no more dangerous than ojos de vodka.”
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Hola, love!” you shout into your empty hallway, hands full of groceries, you shuck off your trainers, hearing them thump against the wall as you struggle into the kitchen.
Tonight was the premiere of “Man Vs Woman” , the special episode of your and Bear's adventure. After the offer was made you met with the TV production company via Zoom to go through ideas.
You pretended you didn’t know Alexia was standing just outside the door to your study, listening and clearly deciding if she thought it was too dangerous or not. At least that's what you deduced from her interrupting with a cup of tea every time a particularly hairy idea was mentioned.
When you brought this up with her you pretended you didn't see her blush creeping up from her neck. Because you’re her wife and it was the wifely thing to do.
The concept was a really cool one. You were excited from the start. The idea was that you and Bear would both be dropped in an inhospitable environment with a map and a knife and nothing else. Neither of you would be told what type of environment but you had assurances in your contract that it wouldn’t involve snow. You had 28 days to get to the muster point. Whoever got there first won.
Simple.
Convincing Alexia it was really cool. Less simple.
“Amor what if there are animals!”
“I know how to avoid dangerous animals. And there will be a medical team on standby,”
“What if you fall and cut yourself on your knife."
“What if you get tackled and break your leg?”
“That's different. What if you lose your map and can’t find your way out and you have to live out there forever”
“I will always find my way back to you.”
“What If-”
“Ale.”
You stopped her rambling with a kiss and when you pulled away you looked deeply in her eyes.
“Que pasa I miss you too much?” eyes wide and vulnerable.
There we go. Her real source of anxiety.
You had spent more time apart than most couples but since you scaled down your travels you had fallen into a sweet domesticity you could admit was a struggle to pull yourself from. 28 days plus the week before to get to the location is longer than you’d like. But it was an adventure of a lifetime. Maybe… maybe your last adventure? The thoughts had been creeping in more and more recently.
Of early mornings chasing more than sunrises, maybe rising due to a baby's babble instead?
You’d made sure that Alexia really knew how much you’d miss her the night before you flew out. On reflection maybe you should have rested your muscles a little more before such a physically demanding month but. Be serious. Look who your wife was.
You are not God's strongest soldier.
So, off you had gone. Competing against your childhood hero for all of womanhood. And you couldn’t lie. You loved it.
Being blindfolded and dropped in an unknown location was exhilarating. Learning the land as you went, with only a map and a knife in hand it was one of the biggest challenges of your life.
The team had made good on their promise and the tropical rainforest you were in couldn’t be further from a snowy mountain range.
You’d refused to let anything slip to Alexia in the 3 months you’d been back. Lips tightly sealed no matter what she tried. You wanted her to be surprised and watch it in real time with you. In all the games you'd attended since you had to deal with an injured Mapi yapping your ear off whilst you tried to concentrate on the game, probing for hints about if you won, what you won, where you were, if you wrestled a snake, how big was the snake you’d wrestled.
“Maria stop with the snake!” you’d finally snapped during the tense quarter final of the Queen's cup.
Which had worked.
For all of two seconds.
“What did the snake taste like?”
You’d originally planned to go home to England with Alexia to watch the premier with your family. But then a schedule mess-up in the league had meant that Ale had to play in a rescheduled game the day after the premier. It just didn’t work for her to come to England.
She insisted you still go, but you refused. You wanted to watch her game. And you knew she’d need you when the show was on. Even if she didn’t know that yet.
You started to unpack your groceries mindlessly, you’d picked some great snacks for the evenings viewing, you suddenly were hit with how suspiciously peaceful your house was, though, you were sure you’d seen Alexia's car in the drive.
“Ale! Love!, ¡Estoy en casa! Come help me unpack!” You shouted into your empty kitchen, back turned to your living room, you had a few hours before the show was on air, “I got that ice-cream you like! I know it gives you a tummy ache sometimes but don’t worry, I'll rub your tummy how you like afte…”
“Amor!”
You turned around at the panic in her voice, “Wha–”
“SURPRISE!”
Ale stood in your living area, face reddening, surrounded by her closest Barca teammates as well as Mario, his ever pregnant wife and his kids, your mum and brother as well as Eli and Alba. Everyone comically in paper party hats and some lop-sided bunting was up above your couch,
“HOPE YOU BEAT THE BEAR SNAKE!” it read, and you immediately knew who was on the decoration committee.
You jumped in surprise, dropping the ice cream and immediately ran into your mum's open arms, “Mum! You’re here!” you squealed into her neck, hiding the tears that had appeared in her presence.
“I am, love. Alexia literally wouldn’t let us refuse the flight. She pretended she didn’t understand English when we tried to at least pay for it. And you know I have a 265 day streak on duolingo but my accent must need work because she didn’t understand my Spanish.”
You pulled yourself from her neck with a wet laugh and transferred yourself into your wifes open and familiar strong arms. “Aleeee” you whined. She knew you meant thank you. And I love you. And you mean the world to me. But you were too British to do that infront of people.
“You need to stop pretending you don’t speak English when you don’t like what you hear.” you muttered without malice after placing a kiss below her ear.
“I know amor. I love you too. And your family needed to be here for your big moment! You couldn’t miss this with them because of me. And then also. Mapi happened and now we’re having a viewing party! There's a cake!”
“And Ice Cream Ale! Don’t worry, I’ve saved it! Though we don’t want your barriga to hu-” Mapi stands the space you'd just vacated holding up the abandoned and slightly battered carton of ice cream. She's stopped from her gleeful teasing by Ingrid covering her entire face with one big palm.
“We wanted to be here to support you.” Ingrid interrupted her girlfriend, addressing you kindly.
“We all did!” you hear from Alba in the back, already tucking into the buffet set up on the coffee table, paper hat skew-whiff on her head. You have never felt so loved. It was perfect.
—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“So, when are you going to tell her you’re ready for them?”
You are brought out of your daydream by Ingrid sidling up to you and addressing you with her familiar soft lilt.
��Huh?”
She doesn’t reply vocally, just nods her head towards your wife, who is currently having a very intense game of 2v2 in your garden with 2 of Marios youngest and Mapi.
The kids little legs making them toddle around after the small ball adorably, Mapi and Ale giving soft touches they would easily catch up with.
You can’t help but laugh out loud as Ale takes Mapi by surprise and takes a shot against her hard, the ball catching her bare thigh in a manner which must have left a sting much to the small Spaniard's disdain.
Her and the two kids start to chase Alexia around the garden, dramatically tackling her as she suddenly becomes some sort of football monster, rolling around and blowing raspberries on their stomachs as Mapi cheers her toddler army on from the sidelines.
You feel another knock against your arm, dislodging your hand which is supporting your head as you lean over the breakfast bar facing the garden. Lovesick looks clearly on your face, going off Ingrid's coy smile.
“You know, barn. Kids. Munchkins…”
“Yeah, Yeah I get it Ingrid…” you steal another look outside at your more-often-than-not-stern wife getting grass stains on her comfy shorts for the entertainment of your best friends' kids, suddenly you feel like being really really honest. You turn to Ingrid with a shy smile of your own, “soon.”
Her face lights up, teeth on display unable to disguise her smile. “Yeah?” she asks, before turning to look towards the garden, “Me too.”
You smile to yourself and drop your head onto the dark haired girl's shoulder, you both taking a moment to watch your partners play with the kids. The moment is ruined by your mum mussing up your hair on her way past,
“Come on Love, we need to wrangle these last-minute spaniards, it starts in 10 minutes!”
She had a point to be fair. A very chaotic 8 minutes later you practically push Eli into her seat on the couch after she tries to get another plate full of food for Mario’s wife, “¡Está llena de Eli! ella esta embarazada no tiene hambre!” you cheekily remind her, your wife looking up at you from her place on the floor with tender eyes.
“And you…” you turn your attention towards her as you make your way to your seat, “get up here.” you demand, patting the empty space next to you.
“I’m bueno down here Mi Amor, me and Bruno can watch from down here.” she insists. the 4 year old of Marios nestled on her stomach, her arms wrapped around his sleeping form where he attached himself to her after being forced back inside.
You hesitate for a moment, not watching to make a scene or be too needy in front of all your closest family and friends, but you knew that Ale would need to be within touching distance of you in the next hour.
You’re about to make your peace with it when Mario glaces your way. You and Mario have worked together for years. Years before you met Ale and the girls.
You’ve battled more than just bears together. Weeks spent isolated in the mountains. And a bond like that means that you can communicate with just a look.
With just that glance he’s up and pulling his toddler into his own burley arms. Bruno remaining in his deep sleep through the change.
“I’ve got el monstruo Ale. Go sit with your wife."
She doesn’t need any more direction, the small interaction is subtle and missed by everyone, except your brother who sends you an exaggerated puppy dog look.
“Fuck off” you throw at him, finger in the air, quickly grabbed by Alexia, “Hey, I thought you wanted me to sit here!” she teases, sending your brother a wink.
“Stop ganging up on me…!” you’re about to protest further before you’re shushed by Mapi, of all people, sitting on the floor between Ingrid's legs who sits on the couch above her. “It's about to start!”
She has a point, a familiar British accent fills the living room, Spanish subtitles appearing on the bottom of the screen for the Spanish contingent. Bear’s voice is as dramatic as ever, long sweeping scenes fill the screen of intense jungle, a crocodile and an action shot of a snake thrown in for good measure.
“Serpiente!” Mapi shouts, pointing at the screen, before Ingrid hushes her and pulls her back against her legs.
“We all know by now that humans are masters of the jungle. But the unanswered question remains. Is it the King, or Queen of the Jungle? Find out tonight in Man V Woman.”
The title fills the screen with a dramatic crescendo of music. Your friends and family whooping as though it's the champions league final. Alexia barely contains her excitement next to you. You had been steadfast in your refusal to tell anyone the outcome.
The next shot is a recognisable one, the sound of trees being hacked with a machete accompanies a close up of a muddy puddle set deep in the jungle, until the water is disturbed by a ever-familiar battered boot stomping in the puddle, blaugrana laces pulled tight, as proudly as ever.
This prompts another wild round of jeering from the crowd around you as the camera pans out and reveals your full profile as Alexia places a loving kiss onto your shoulder, “That's my wife!” she shouts, proudly, making you laugh.
Bear's voice over continues as you pull Alexia's hand into yours, half pulling her on top of you, she gives you a peculiar look, this being more PDA than you would usually allow in front of your English family, but she goes with it, too full of pride to be worried otherwise.
As the voiceover continues, highlights of your career flash across the screen to introduce you to the audience.
Mountains in Peru, Arctic Explorations, Treks across Siberia, all flash across the screen, mixed in with childhood pictures your mum must have supplied painting a picture of your career so far and your expertise in your career.
The music turns more dramatic as you shift uncomfortably, being the only one to realise in the room what's about to happen.
A picture of you smiling with Arjan at the peak of Everest, ice picks raised proudly in the air. You feel Alexia stiffen on your lap, ever so subtly. Stock footage of snow hurling down a mountain as Bear describes the avalanche you got trapped in.
He gives out stats and figures to heighten the drama… “your chance of survival drops 3% every minute you are trapped after the first 15 minutes… being trapped for 2 days… our guest star did the unthinkable…”
The room is bathed in a white light as the screen changes. Camera shaky and audio changing to the shouts and heavy breaths of whoever the body worn camera is strapped too. “Yahām̐, Yahām̐, she is here!”
The camera catches Arjan digging desperately, it's clear now the camera is strapped to a rescuer on the slopes of Everest, the TV production company having access to the footage through a sister company who were filming a documentary about altitude rescue at the time.
It shakes as the man helps dig, grunts of exertion as the spade digs desperately. A flash of colour and your snow suit is revealed, face pressed up against the rock you had found shelter near.
Arjan clears snow from your face desperately and puts his head close to yours, “She’s breathing!” he pulls you up and your hand, satellite phone frozen in place, falls from the side of your ghostly white face as the camera fades out.
The whole segment couldn’t have lasted more than 32 seconds. But it had felt like time had slowed. You could feel from her placement on you that Alexia hadn’t taken a breath. Her eyes remained wide as she stared at the screen.
There was a heaviness in the room around you.
The voiceover continued, explaining the challenge to the audience but the silence continued. Eli glances at her daughter worriedly, every few seconds.
Just as you thought the tension couldn’t get any more intense… “That's what Alexia looks like when she visits England for Christmas and mum won’t let us put the heating on.” your brother jokes, awkwardly, a crooked smile on his boyish face.
The room is silent, your mum hiding a smile behind a hand only you notice. He goes to speak again, probably to apologise when-
Alexias' laugh shocks even you, bubbling up from deep within her chest. She closes her eyes, a stray tear escaping at the pressure. Laugh still rumbling deep in her chest, slowly the room joins in, as though they’ve been given permission, and soon your in a choir of laughing spectators, your brother blushing deep red at the attention.
“Thank you” you mouth to him across the room, as you wrap your hands around your wife, whos body still shakes with the odd giggle.
He tips an imaginary hat at you in return.
Because he is an idiot.
The challenge begins, unhelpfully, with you throwing yourself out of a helicopter into the rainforest, “Oh Dios Mio” she mumbles, heard subtly under Mapis, “Cool!”.
You press your lips against her shoulder again and mutter into her skin; “I am here, I am warm, I am Safe.” Like a mantra, you feel her nod and grip your hand tighter.
The thing about being in the environment completely opposite to an avalanche inducing mountain range, was that it was hot. Hot and wet. The camera follows both you and Bear as you struggle through the elements seperatly, deciding when to camp down and preserve energy and when to try to gain more miles.
Bear goes hard, and Mapi looks up at you aghast as you decide to build a shelter and bunker down for seven days straight. The heat zapping any energy you had.
“What are you doing! It's a race!” she exclaims, to which you laugh and zip your mouth closed with your fingers, cocking an eyebrow at her as she eagerly looks back towards the TV like a small child.
You spend two days collecting water and, seemingly, according to Mapi, wasting time cutting palm leaves and collecting bark to make twine. Meanwhile Bear is hacking down trees, making spears out of sticks and rock and throwing himself at seemingly anything that would give him a bit of protein on the move.
You’ve ridden yourself of most of your clothing due to the heat. Smothering yourself in mud from the riverbank you were camped next to, you explain to the camera its sun-cream qualities and how it’s safer than clothing as it also protects you from dehydration.
All the while you weave and weave and weave your leaves together, quietly, assuredly.
You explain to the camera; “I am a master weaver. My wife likes it when I plait her hair. Alot. She’s cute. Sorry Ale.” you wink at the camera as your wife groans on your lap and her teammates start to tease her, “Amor! Why!”
“Now. Let's see how this works!” you grin and pull up a large basket to the camera.
The screen shows you scantily dressed, boots safely on a rock in the background, in the river, moving twigs into position to make a run for the fish to swim directly into your basket.
You explain the contraception, set some bait and say your goodnights to the camera, crossing your fingers for a full basket in the morning.
Cheerful music begins as the camera fades back into your campfire, fish on a stick roasting and cooking heavenly, your muddied but smiling face coming into view.
“Bear can eat his roaches and drink his wee. I’ll be here with my fish buffet!” You joke, under your shelter, camera panning to tens of fish in your basket waiting to be smoked.
The next scene shows Bear explaining the protein benefits and the unusual flavours of a witchetty grub as he struggles against the rainstorm.
The music begins to ramp up. Graphics on the screen showing both of your progress. Bear has made much more progress than you. But struggling physically. He’s developed a terrible case of trench foot but was still making steady progress with his machete.
You chose to travel up the river. Walking along its bed you are able to make more direct progress, but it’s more energy draining wading through water. You have, however, had a relatively strong diet over the last 3 weeks.
You’re sitting on the river bed, tending to your basket of smoked fish you’re carrying with you for energy when you suddenly remain completely stock still. Dramatic music begins. Your head raises subtly and then out of nowhere.
“Serpentine!”
A snake strikes at you from the shallows, clearly after your basket, or you, or whatever it can get its fangs in. You react quickly, crouching down to your knees, keeping a low centre of gravity to keep your balance as your right hand reaches into the shallows.
You and the snake strike at the same time, and you throw yourself to the side as you bash a jagged rock against its head.
The next scene shows you taking a mouthful of grilled snake; “Tastes like chicken!” you joke at the camera. Before popping a piece of charred snake skin into your mouth.
You feel Alexia shudder in your arms.
"I'm never kissing you again" she lies.
Mapi slowly turns around, mouth agape, gobsmacked look on her face. “Snake!” she whispers, in disbelief. “You beat a snake!” You can’t help but laugh and lean over to turn her head back to the TV.
“Told you you’d find everything out tonta.”
The map on screen shows the last day of the challenge, Bear's voice over explaining distances to the muster points, as well as geographical challenges. The screen swaps quickly between the two of you, running, climbing and swimming to where you both believed the finish line to be.
You were making good progress, as was Bear.
A close up of a Brazilian flag on the edge of a waterfall.
A close up of you throwing yourself into the river.
Bear gripping a cliff edge and heaving himself up. The camera shows the bottom of the flag pole as he pulls himself up. The camera pans up. And the flagpole is bare.
The screen changes to you.
Standing, still relatively scantily clad in your battered boots, your hiking shorts cut down to short-shorts and thin vest muddied and holey, fish blood staining your arms,holding the flag proudly up in one arm.
The room around you erupts. “She did it!” “¡Jefe de la Jungla!!!!” “I always knew!”, “She killed a snake!”. You find yourself at the bottom of a pile of bodies as Alexia's teammates celebrate in the way they know how. Which is apparently to throw themselves at you in a pile up.
“That's my wife!” Alexia chants proudly from within the pile, laughing gleefully, all earlier angst forgotten.
The screen goes blank, and the image shows you and Bear embracing, laughing as the voiceover continues; “... at least this time. It's a Queen of the jungle… or should I say. La Reina de la Jungla.” Bear quips, as Alexia groans, forever hating her nickname, and the screen cuts to black.
—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It’s hours later, many more plates of food, celebration toasts and questions from Mapi about the snake later. That you're finally in the quiet of your bedroom in your wife's arms.
Your mum and brother are set up in the spare rooms and you have all got plans to meet up with the Alexias family at the game tomorrow before going out for a meal.
Your head is settled on her chest as she plays on her phone above you, struggling to calm down from the evening's events, and as usual, struggling to sleep before a game. You play with her wedding ring on her spare hand. Feeling the cool metal beneath against her warm skin.
You feel her swipe furiously through her phone, getting more agitated as time passes, grumbles that are not-quite words emitting from her chest.
“Hey. Love.” you sit up and pull her phone away. “What's the matter?”
“Nothing.” she replies, bottom lip out in a pout, pulling her phone back into her hand.
“It’s not nothing. Tell me.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Alexia.” you sigh, “We aren't doing this.. What's got you so…” you look down onto her phone and see. Yourself? It's her tiktok open and you see an edit of the show being played over… “Hot Stuff? Ale. What's this?” you glance at the comments section and see a selection from seemingly anon accounts;
‘I have never understood Alexia more’, ‘I wonder who calls who capi.’ ,‘Capi, your wife's thighs are bigger than yours’.
“Nothing!” she grabs her phone back from your grip… you arch an eyebrow at her which crumbles her resolve in 3…2…
“Fine! It's all over my TikTok. The comments about you. The fans have made these edits. Of you! All, wet and… muscley and… nearly undressed.”
“And you…don’t… like me wet, and muscled and… naked? Cause, love, I have evidenced otherwis…”
“Shut up! Of course I do but you're mine!”
Oh. Realisation dawns on you and you can’t help but smile.
“Don’t laugh!” she grumbles. “You’re jealous….” you tease in a sing-song voice. “I am not jealous!” she insists, “It's just… tu eres mio! And these people are all looking at you”.
“I am,” you agree, with a smile. “But, love. Try being married to Alexia Putellas. Maybe you’ll keep your shirt on at games now.” you tease, making her smile and roll her eyes.
Eyes softening as you pull her phone from her grip and plug it in for her. Settling back into her chest, nuzzling against the warm skin you find there.
“I am so proud of you.” she whispers into the now dark room, placing a kiss on your head. The moment became more serious and tender.
“I love you” you reply, softly, the moment feels weighted, and you’re not sure what makes you do it. Maybe it's the adrenaline of the evening, having completed your life's ambition, or maybe it's the wine you drank.
Though, really, you know it's because of the images of your lanky wife curling herself onto the rug in the living room because Bruno had decided she was the world's best pillow again. But you can’t stop yourself.
“Ale. I want to have kids with you.”
Her hand stops its movement in your hair and she rushes over to turn the bedside lamp back on.
“Que?” she breathes out. Hands finding their place softly on your cheeks, a look of urgency in her eyes.
“I want us to have kids. Me and you. I want that with you. Is that something you’re ready for?” you whisper, eyes looking deeply into hers.
“En serio?” she asks, as though she's afraid of the answer.
You nod in response. Moving your hand to wipe away the tears that have appeared on her cheeks.
“Sí, Mi Amor. Quiero eso contigo. Mucho.”
You're both smiling too much to kiss, but you make a good go of it anyway. And as you bury yourself into your wife's arms. Hands roaming and adrenaline of a decision made rushing through your body you can't help but think.
This is the beginning of the biggest adventure of your life.
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I need everyone to work together on this. Okay. If you're not familiar with Wicked but are maybe going to see the movie, let me entice you: Wicked is SO GAY. Elphaba and Galinda literally have a song about how much they hate each other that is a mock love song. They are not normal about each other. Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande have clearly not only leaned into this judging by the trailer clips, but highlighted it, elevated it, and brought these two to sapphic heights never before seen in a movie of this budget.
It's time. It's time for an incredibly annoying femme ship. I want people to talk about Gelphie in the same breath they talk about Spock/Kirk or Harry/Draco. I want them to be EVERYWHERE. I want sitcoms to make jokes about the weird little 16-year-old daughter being really into Gelphie fanfiction. I want to hate these two. I want my eyes to roll to the back of my head whenever I see them. I want unskilled fanart to absolutely DROWN the internet. It's 2024. It's time for an Exhausting Lesbian Ship.
Please. Come with me. Think of what we can do. Together.
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for the ask game.... 3, 4, 10 and 13 <3
(for me it's 3. tvpm, 4. tamil, 10. would love to be born in italy/france, 13. the handmaiden and eeaao)
❤️❤️❤️.
3. favourite Indian city?
pondicherry. ik it's not a city but I'm adjusting the question.
4. A Indian language you don't speak but would like to learn?
Tamil and kannada and Bengali too
10. If you weren't born in desi countries which country would have been born in?
idk somewhere with better queer rights.
why Italy and France for you?
13. favourite film from any language
Ohm Shanti Oshana(Malayalam), 3 idiots (Tamil), anandham(Malayalam)
#I've been to tvpm but all i remember is the zoo being very long because i had to walk a lot when i was a kid and started crying#but i went for some safari and it was really nice#i dont really like cities and idk it felt weird to say my own and i remembered liking pondicherry#have been heaeing some bengali songs after acquiring a playlist#and my god it sounded so good and lile comforting and familiar even though idont speak the lang it made me wish i did#havent been watching any movies lately which is why all of them are based on nostalgia and#but ohm shanti oshana will be my old favourite becos nasriya was my first gay awakening but without actually knowing it#that film decided how the first decade of my life is gonna be and im sure it still has its after effects#but also wine aunty and her husband were beards for each other#think abt it#that is my headcanon and i will die on that hill#or atleast husband was a bears without him even knowing it#wine aunty i love u sooo much#wish i had a wine aunty that was secretly queer#guess i have to be the wine aunty now#this is soo long#how do ppl irl tolerate me#anyways want waffles if u still mase it till here by a miracle i want u to knw i read eeaao#as#eeeeeeaaaaaaaaooooooo in my head#at first#*beard#dear god my eng is horrendous on second read#i hope too god i didnt write my answer paper like this
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