#I love this but holy fuck is it kinda taxing

[itsabouttimex2]

She was a ballet dancer. She had to have been. You don’t get form like that without practice, and usually not without guidance. It’s probably what she did for a living.

Until she got pregnant and couldn’t dance anymore.

And then she probably had to quit that job, which maybe she trained for her whole life, or at least for a good few years.

And maybe she had to take on a few low-level, poorly paying jobs because the only one she knew wasn’t available after the strains and stress of pregnancy.

Maybe she couldn’t handle all those jobs anymore, and money was running low, so she scrabbled for the first thing possible- “the oldest profession”, as one says.

Maybe she thought it would all turn out.

It was just something to get by, just enough to make ends meet for a month or two more.

Maybe she told herself it was temporary. She’d find her footing again soon enough.

After all, she had spent years teaching her body to bend, to obey, to do things it didn’t always want to.

She knew how to detach, how to perform.

Ballet taught her that.

Maybe she thought she could go back to what she loved, one day.

[colorlessjay]

Oh my Jack, I’m obsessed with your BTTF AU.

I know it might not quite fit into your AU but I’ve been giggling to myself about the potential hilarious misunderstandings. My fav being s6 Dean attempts to put together all the little clues Cas has dropped about his husband but like comically wrong (plugged-all-the-numbers-into-the-right-formula-and-somehow-got-the-wrong-answer wrong)

Dean in the guest bedroom with sticky notes and red string: ok so he wears flannels and he has an Impala that looks suspiciously like baby and cas mentioned he had hair longer than mine and that he was a hunter and Sam and I knew him and they were friends for a while before anything romantic happened, and I’m clearly not hanging out with cas as much …

Dean (having a panic attack): son of a bitch I know who cas is married to!

Dean (mopey and despondent and slightly horrified the next day and definitely not with puffy eyes): Cas, I, I have to know, your husband, it’s not *gulp*

Cas (visibly worried he’s given too much away and s6 dean is still so repressed that the bi realization is throwing him into despair)

Dean whispering (trying not to vomit): Sam?

Cas (too stunned to hold back his reaction): *hysterical laughter* oh, no, dean! I’m not married to sam.

Dean (nearly passing out from relief): thank god!

Cas (under his breath): this is why my dean asked me to love him anyways when his past self asked an incredibly stupid question

Honestly I fucking love that so much, I think I have a way to shoe horn that into the AU

kinda like this:

It's been two days

It's been two days stuck in the future, and Dean feels frustration bubbling up in him as his brain tries to puzzle piece everything together

It doesn't help that Cas won't tell him shit

Best friend my ass!

Okay, maybe he's being a bit of an asshole saying that. Cas- This Cas has been nothing but a great host. He always has food in the fridge, he has extra clothes he lets Dean borrow, he doesn't get all up in Dean's personal space like his Castiel does

But at the same time, Cas keeps giving him these looks, like he knows something Dean doesn't

which sure, yeah, he knows a whole hell of a lotta things. It's the future. But Cas us smug about it. At least it feels like he's smug about it. It doesn't help that Cas is out of his holy tax accountant get up and dresses like a regular John. Least his taste in band shirts has improved thanks to his husband

Husband

yeah, that still causes a record scratch in Dean's brain every time he thinks about it

And he's got no problems with it! Love is love and all that. Who Cas wants to take home and put a ring on is his own business. It's not like Cas is a guy, he's an angel. A beam of holy light or whatever. So technically, he's not gay (Not that Dean would have a problem with that!). But it does make his husband some kind of monsterfucker

which is also totally fine. Cas is a catch. Good for both of them

So why doesn't Cas say who his husband is?

Is he scared Dean would judge him? Well fuck him for that! Dean's not a homophobe! And Cas is his best friend! He'd be supportive of him and his monsterfucker husband! Rainbow streamers with Cthulhu and all!

Unless Cas is more worried about Dean's reaction to who he's married to...

which is dumb. From what little Cas told him about Mr. Mystery (Cas refuses to tell him his last name), he wears a shit ton of plaid flannels, he cooks a lot with Cas, likes to read (a guess he got from the 'shared library' Cas showed him), is pretty handy around the house, has long stupid hair and loves his dog Miracle...

Holy shit

Dean was on his feet before he even knew what he was doing. He practically kicks down the guest room door and runs around the house looking for that damn Angel/half angel/not angel

He finds Cas in the backyard with Miracle, playing fetch on the wide stretch of land he owns

Cas looks all too comfortable in his loose, light washed jeans and Metallica shirt, his hair wind swept, probably from running around with Miracle while Dean took a nap.

Cas spots Dean approaching and waves at him with a smile, only to drop both as he sees Dean's determined march

Dean can't blame him. He has no idea what he looks like right not but he knows what he feels

like he's gonna explode

"Dean-" Cas starts but never gets to finish as Dean grabs the future version of his best friend by his shoulders and holds him still, grounding himself as he speaks

"Did you marry Sam?"

The question hung in the nice summer air for around two, three beats. Miracle even pausing where she sat with a stick in her mouth, her little head tilted to the side

Cas' usual stoic face breaks into surprise and Dean holds his breath

Only for Cas, Angel of the Lord, to burst out into an explosive laughter that rocks Dean's entire being

Suddenly Dean has no idea how to react, because Cas is... he's got the biggest, gummiest, most hysterical laugh he's ever seen. It completely transforms his face that Dean is questioning if he's still taking nap, and this was all just some weird dream where he thinks Cas is almost...

cute

Get it together, Winchester!

By the time Dean shakes away his shock, Cas is already on the ground, on his back, clutching his sides as he laughs into the sky like Dean just told the joke of the century

"Hey!" Dean snaps, his face feeling warm for reasons he doesn't have time to think about. "Answer the damn question!"

"No! Hahaha!" Cas says in between laughs, Miracle coming to his side to paw and bark at her owner

"Why the fuck not???"

"No I mean-" Cas takes a deep breath and wheezes, coughing into his fist as he tries to get himself together

Dean grumbles impatiently, popping a squat just to poke at Cas' arm to get him to answer

Eventually Cas' laughter does die down and Dean finds himself staring at just the biggest, smuggest grin he's ever seen on Cas

"I mean no, I did not marry Sam. And I believe he his reaction to you saying that would be much funnier than you asking me" Cas, for the love of God, giggles.

And it shouldn't be cute. Cas is an old man and he's giggling and Dean shouldn't feel... whatever the fuck it is he's feeling right now that's not frustration

But oddly enough he's not frustrated at all

he's relived

Is it because Sam's not gay or because Cas didn't go barking up his brother?

Why does that matter? It shouldn't. Stop thinking about it

"Dean" Cas starts, his laughing having died off and his smile softer as he stares up at Dean "Why do you ask?"

There's... there's a tone to Cas' question that Dean doesn't like. So, he does the one thing he's good at

He pushes himself up and shakes back into himself

"Well you weren't telling me jack, so I thought I'd throw in wild guesses and hope I predict something" A cool lie slip out but even he can tell Cas doesn't buy it

Damn it. Those eyes always seemed to see through him

Cas doesn't call him on his bullshit, but he knows. Dean knows he knows and it bothers him further

"Yes well. Perhaps if you keep guessing, the truth will come out eventually"

"yeah... eventually"

------------

Anyways. Drabble done. Doot doot

[annimator]

I have not had this much cuteness aggression over gay fictional ships since like, last May, holy shit-

(aka, i react to tomjake episode 2 via a rambling tumblr post. I’m spoiling the episode, so everything’s under the cut)

• OH WE ARE STARTING OFF STRONG. ELLIE’S SLEEPING ON GABBY’S SHOULDER

• omg they’re much smiling so much at each other :>

• I feel like I should’ve mentioned that a clip of gabellie’s first kiss from S1 ep8 also got me into disventure camp in that other post I made. whoops :P

• HELP. AFTER ELLIE COMPLAINS ABOUT LOUD SNORING, IT IMMEDIATELY CUTS TO TOM SNORING-

• Tom, you’re canonically in your 30s. why the fuck are you going “ *snore* mimimimi” in your sleep. AND HOW THE FUCK IS JAKE STILL SLEEPING, HIS EAR IS SO FUCKING CLOSE TO TOM’S MOUTH- wait that sounds kinda wrong lmao

• anyways besides that, THE WAY JAKE AND TOM ARE HOLDING EACH OTHER WHILE THEY’RE SLEEPING IS JUST SO FUCKING ADORABLE BRO

• the spinoff intro never gets old, I love it so much

• WAIT THIS MORNING ROUTINE SCENE THAT PLAYS AFTER THE INTRO SONG PARALLELS THE ONE FROM LAST EPISODE, I LOVE HOW TOM LOOKS SO MUCH HAPPIER WITH JAKE

• THEY DID NOT HAVE TO ANIMATE A SCENE WHERE TOM LOOKS AT HIS SCARS IN THE MIRROR WITH A SAD FACE, ONLY FOR JAKE TO LOVINGLY KISS HIM ON THE CHEEK, AS A WAY TO SAY THAT HE LOVES HIM WTF (/pos)

• Awww, Jake’s looking for a job :D

• “Money can’t buy taste. Y’know, you’re lucky you’re cute.” “Aw, and?” “And lucky to have me” holy fucking shit (/pos)

• Physical touch and words of affirmation are definitely Tom’s languages. he cannot take his hand’s off of Jake, and that’s fucking adorable.

• “You’re persevering, that’s all anyone can ask. “I’m sorry you have to deal with me.” “Seems like the best deal ever.” WORDS. OF AFFIRMATION

• I can relate to Jake worry about finding people at the Pearson airport. There are so much godamn people there

• I LOVE TOM AND GABBY’S FRIENDSHIP SO MUCH. THAT HUG SCENE WAS ADORABLEEEE

• I shouldn’t have laughed so hard at Gabby saying that she and Ellie have no friends-

• THE WAY ELLIE’S CUPPING GABBY CHEEKS IS SOFQWOFNASBSV

• “THE GAYS AND SAPPHICS TAKE TORONTO!” Gabby ilysm. She definitely shares the title of being my favourite DC character alongside Fiore after this episode

• YOOOOO MIRIAM APPEARANCE :D SHE HAS SPEAKING ROLES TOO

• “You remind me so much of him sometimes.” hey wait I was here for the yaoi and yuri ;-;

• “Guess who… finally decided to call” lol

• wait Gabby’s job is self-defence training? That’s kinda surprising, but at the same time she kicked Derek’s ass during the s1 finale lol

• Aww Gabby wants Jake to spend time with Ellie so that she won’t be alone :D

• HELP THE PUPPY DOG EYES?!

• damn Ellie, you and Gabby live like this? She’s on that work grindset ig

• I’m still thinking about Tom calling Jake a housewife in that one greeting. Him cleaning up Ellie’s apartment while she’s sketching for her job is not helping-

• DAMN, HOW STRONG IS GABBY FOR HER TO DENT THE WOODEN POLE OF A MAILBOX

• “there were thankfully no murder cases just lying around” “We could make one!” Gabby are you ok

• that clip of Tom and Gabby thinking of what to do honestly has great meme potential tbh

• I’m honestly living for Jake and Ellie interacting with each other in a positive way fr

• “tax fraud, tax fraud,” LMAO???

• “I’m having a lot of fun with you.” “Aw, why so sentimental?” “It feels like being a kid again!” ik i didn’t copy-paste the entire convo between them, but I love it so much

• aw, they left New York because they couldn’t pay rent :(

• OH DAMN THE GAYS ARE GONNA START FIGHTINGGGGGG

• “Do you even know what my life is like? Ramen noodles for dinner if I’m lucky.” Girl I would not complain about eating ramen, that shit’s amazing

• “Oh, I guess a privileged twink like me wouldn’t know the meaning of that, huh?” LMAO I JUST REMEMBERED YUL’S BITCHASS CALLING JAKE A TWINK (part 2) WHEN HE GOT ELIMINATED IN ALL STARS

• bruh, what are these insults y’all are calling each other you sound like toddlers

• wait, Jake actually took the words out of my mouth lmao

• I’m kinda disappointed that they didn’t apologize about what happened in DC, but either way, I’m happy to see Jake and Ellie reconcile and say that they’re cool :D

• “I still have a roof over my head, and Gabby” I LOVE THEMMMMMMMM

• Gabby’s having so much fun skating :D SHE LOOKS SO CUTE WITH THAT BEANIE

• “The dog stole it! I convinced him to give it back!” *hard cut to Gabby barking at the dog and Tom immediately picking up the gnome after it drops it*

• srsly tho that clip made me laugh lmao

• Aw Jake catching Tom before he slips on ice was so cute :D

• ANOTHER TOMJAKE KISSSSSSSSSS

• “Aw babe, I’m so proud of you!” “What can I say? You bring out the best in me Gabbs!” “The part of you is always there. I was always there to see it.” OH MY GODDDDDDD (/pos) AND GABBY KISSING ELLIE’S HANDS

• “Oh my god, Ellie look! It’s snowing! It’s so beautiful.” “I could think of something else more beautiful” AAAAAAA

• NO WAY WE GOT ANOTHER GABELLIE KISS TOO LETS GO

• Loving the implication that Ally wrecked Jake’s shit in Smash Bros lmao

• YOOOOOO LUCIA APPEARANCE!

• …ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ARE YOU LEAVING US ON ANOTHER GODAMN CLIFFHANGER-

• Besides that, great episode 10/10. would rewatch until the heat death of the universe

[ofallplaceswhythis]

tcoptp thoughts pt.21

we have finally reached the happy part of the chapter(s). hopefully.

james and regulus are dancing 💀💀 i just want to see the look on those aunties face afgeiueopis

'i hear jealousy gives you wrinkels - and you cant afford any more of those' remus ily

every good long wolfstar fic has to have atleast one scene of them dancing

'surely the tax incentives werent that good' remus ily

OH SHIT TRISH. AND BARTY?!?!

what the fuck is happening?

SKYLAR ?!?!! OH NOW ITS GETTING GOOD

....TOM LEFT?1242352346

god i just want to see barty's expression when he figures it out

why does lee pop up literally everywhere

....nah i didnt sign up for this kinda angst please

REGULUS?! I FUCKING KNEW HE WAS ON THE DRUMS

it is kinda funny that remus keeps assuming that regulus has a crush on lily

tom when i catch you tomny

k so now everybody loves them!! yayy

THEY GOT A DEAL THEY GOT A DEAL YES FINALLY FUCK

i mean i kinda understand peter tbh

sybill is just done.

HOLY FUCK REGULUS KISSED JAMES AND ITS UNREQUITED NOOO. SAVE ME FROM THE HEARTBREAK [im screaming. currently on the floor in PAAAAAAIN] (i dont think its actually that tragic and its good that regulus got some closure but my mind immediatly went into hardrive and started concocting tragic jegulus so ig that explains my "weird" ?? behavior)

THEY DID IT!! (also remus messing up because he was to busy looking at sirius has to be in every wolfstar fanfic

tom make up you fucking mind dude

HE NAMED HIS DAUGHTER AFTER REMUS! partly BUT STILL

tom and emma <33 and emma and remus <33

oh roger you sweet summer child

they know the words 🥹🥹

...the safe opened with sirius's birthday?!?! why???

oh giles you sweet summer child

the parent issues are strong with this one guys

TONYA?!?! YES FINALLY GETTING HER BACKSTORY

....... holfy fuck i need to go cry excuse me fuck

this is the official end of cadence...holy fuck. I need to go cry. I need more time to process

what the fuck just happened. holy fuck. my hands are literally shaking. i need to go do something... normal. fuckkk

this is the end guys <33 peace out!!! V

[saturnaous]

YIPPEEE YAHOO!!! ALSO. roy x maes and slash or almei 4 the ask game.

ROY MAES.

Royhughes is very neat because Hughes is totally the type of guy who would be married with his wife and then go kiss Roy. and like Gracia is with it. he puts on his hat and goes "I'm having a date with Roy honey! Be back soon!" and she calls out from the kitchen "Okay!! Don't forget to get him flowers!" and then they make out sloppy style. they are eachothers best friends too. which is great in a relationship. I like this. they are neat. I enjoy it. rip hughes your boyfriend misses you. QPR ALMEI MY BELOVED.

Almei is soooooo (twirls my hair kicks my feet) 2 me. They do not kiss. Their relationship isn't strictly platonic but it's not romantic in the slightest. They are married to all hell for tax benefit reasonings. I like to imagine a stupid ocomic of Alphonse coming home to resembool and being like "shitt I had something to tell you but I forgor. oh well" and then they go about stuff and then a little while later Mei pops in like "Hey guys!!! Hi fiance!!!" and Ed and Winry just WHIP their heads to Al and then he panics like "I FUCKING FORGOT THAT I HAD TO TELL YOU GUYS WE"RE GETTING MARRIED HOLY SHIT" and then when they ask WHY because last time they checked they weren't dating or even romantically interested in each other. and then Al wraps an arm around Edward and goes "Brother do you know what the tax benefits are in Xing and Amestris are? It's insane." and then Edward strokes his chin and decides he and Winry should get legally married finally. Winry is kinda pissy about it actually becvause it finally takes the a tax scheme for them to get legally married. anyways. I think. Almei is so neat and amazing and they go on adventures together and they feed eachother and shit and are so fucking close to eachother. they're literally best friends. their bonded relation ship in in the top two in al's mind second only to him and Edward's brotherly relationship. Winry scrapes by as a third. they are so fucking neat to me. I love almei. the nonlovers ever.

[howlingday]

The Salem Song

Salem: Oh, Zwei~! I heard there's a song about me, and I want to hear it!

Zwei: Are... Are you sure?

Salem: Zwei, put the song on!

Zwei: It's... It's not very nice.

Salem: Zwei, put it on!

Zwei: Alright. (Presses scroll)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Music plays to the musical tune of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch")

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You're a mean one, Ms. Salem~.

Salem: That's me~.

You're a fugly piece of shit~!

Salem: What?

You bring bendy straws to bathrooms 'cause you like the taste of piss, Ms. Saleeeeem~!

Salem: No. No, I- No, I don't.

I wouldn't suck your tits if they were dipped in honey and could cure cancer.

Salem: Monty Oum! Who wrote this?! Who wrote this song, Zwei?!

ALSO YOU HAVE NO TIIIIIITS~!

Salem: Zwei, stop the song.

Zwei: I can't.

Salem: What do you mean you can't?

Zwei: It's broken.

Salem: What's broken?!

Zwei: I dunno, it's jammed.

Salem: What do you- Fine! Can you at least turn it down?

Zwei: I can't. I... I'm a dog.

Salem: ZWEI!

You're a dipshit, Ms. Salem~.

Salem: (Sighs) Okay?

Even babies want you dead~!

Salem: ...Wow.

You've never bring home a man 'cause you're scared you'll wet the bed, Ms. Saleeeeeeem~!

Salem: I wish they weren't so good at rhyming.

The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote:

BITCH!

Salem: I'm not.

DUMPSTER!

BITCH!

Salem: No, no, no, this is not how it goes! Like, I knew they changed it, but I thought it would be like a key change, or maybe a guitar solo! But this is... This is just degrading. This hurts.

Zwei: It's pretty detailed, yeah.

Salem: What happened to the Beowolf part? I actually liked that part! It was kinda funny!

Zwei: It was a Beringel.

Salem: No, it was a Beowolf!

Zwei: It was a Beringel.

Salem: Was it a Beringel?

Zwei: Yeah, "Two Left Foot Beringel".

Salem: Oh.

You're poor, Ms. Salem~!

Salem: Didn't leave a stone unturned.

You can't afford the bus~!

Salem: Lower middle class, maybe!

You're deathly allergic to treenuts, and your exact address is thus,

Ms. Saleeeeeeem~!

Salem: What? Nonono! I-!

1482 Black Dragon Island Blvd.

Salem: Holy shit...

Remnant, Nevada.

Salem: That's my address! Wh-What are you gonna do?!

I MAILED YOUR BITCH-ASS A BAG OF NUUUUUUUUTS~!

Salem: This is a song that kids sing? Every year, they sing this same song around the Non-Descript Winter Holiday decorations?

Zwei: Yeah

Salem: A song that says "bitch"?! It has said "bitch" three times!

Zwei: Yeah, that's... That's too much.

Salem: They know I saved humanity, right?! Like, at the end of the series, I saved them all! I'm a good guy now! I pay my taxes! I go to church! (Epic solo) Oh, there is a guitar solo. ...Okay, that actually is a really good solo.

Zwei: Yeah.

Salem: Just a shame about the rest of the song.

It's not just that you are inbred~!

Salem: I'm fucked.

Miss Salem~!

Salem: This feels bad...

You don't know how to read~!

Salem: This feels really bad...

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW MUCH YOU LOVE TO SUCK DOWN PEE, MS. SALEEEM~!

Salem: ...

According to an anonymous poll, with a sample size of more than three thousand people of Remnant who are asked to rank you on a scale from one to a hundred...

Zwei: ...Ms. Salem?

Salem: (Gone from her seat)

...based on variant traits such as likeablility, general odor, and your physical attractiveness...

Salem: (Standing over a cliff, Music muffled)

...THE HIGHEST NUMBER WE GOT WAS THREEEEEE~!

Zwei: What's wrong, Ms. Salem?

Salem: ...You ever feel like no matter how hard you try, people will always see you as your past self. Just as this one thing. This one, unchangeable thing.

Zwei: ...Like a dog?

Salem: (Sighs) I guess no matter what I do, I'll always be this black, white, and red monster.

Zwei: You're red?

Salem: Yeah, I'm red.

Zwei: Oh. I always thought you were gray.

Salem: You didn't know I was red, too?

Zwei: No. Dog.

Salem: (Smiles) That's right.

Zwei: ...I love you, Ms. Salem.

Salem: (Pets Zwei) I love you, too, Zwei.

Zwei: Happy Non-Descript Winter Holiday.

Salem: Happy Non-Descript Winter Holiday.

[cartoonbabbles]

Was rewatching some LWA today.

Yes I ship SuAkko. And I’m gonna talk about them

“Adventures in Sucyworld” oh my god these two are gay and have no idea, poor souls

- Episode starts with Sucy referring to Akko as “her” Guinea pig, which I don’t really need to go into how we’ve all taken that to mean. Like. “I need *a* Guinea pig” no Akko is *hers*

- Sucy doesn’t want Akko to leave her behind as evidenced by her noting she doesn’t want Akko to become “talented and powerful” and while this might be a reach I feel like Sucy felt it would be better for her to leave instead of watching Akko leave bc at least that’s something she *can* control, and if Akko never has the chance to reject her, it wouldn’t feel as painful if she’s the one who never gives her that chance

- Akko doing everything in her power to wake Sucy up <3

- The angel and Devil Sucys my beloveds

- Something kinda stuck out to me regarding Angel Sucy’s terms of helping Akko. “Do my laundry for a month” is one thing but “carry my books” and “do my shopping” sounds an awful lot like “I’d have loved to do laundry and taxes with you,” “I want you to carry my books like people who are crushing on others do” and “I want to hang out and do fun things together”

- Small Sucy being a manifeststion of Sucy wanting to show affection to others (not just romantic but in general)

- Sucy not allowing herself to feel anything else or pursue anything else and Akko barging in to say she should do what she wants was just <\3 my heart

- The sceneeee the movie sceneeeee Sucy sees her best moments with Akko being a gorgeously rendered anime whereas she sees most of everything else as a slapstick cartoon, as if she’s above all that. But for Akko? She slows down and wants to appreciate the moment, Fashionable moviegoer sucy said as much when she said that particular film was her favorite

- Llama Sucy just makes me smile

- grandma Sucy (?) was funny

- THE ENTIRE DRAGON SEQUENCE HELLO

- Sucy being like “no don’t kiss me this isn’t right I want this to be perfect” (yes I’m interpreting this with a bit of a stretch) in both the real and sucyworld

- my conclusion? Sucy wants someone to pine for her like in a cheesy high school rom com and she sees herself as the tough on the outside soft on the inside bad girl

- also holy fuck Lotte really went through it this episode

[bubblesandgutz]

Every Record I Own - Day 801: The Rolling Stones Exile on Main St.

I hesitate to say things like "favorite album of all time," but if I lost my whole record collection in a fire, the first album I would replace would be Exile on Main St.

What is a favorite album anyway? One where you love every song from start to finish? That's not what this is. Not every song is a hit. Hell, even the singles off the album weren't hits. Exile is a strange, murky, uneven double album recorded in Keith Richards' basement in the south of France while the band were tax exiles from their native England. Mick Jagger is buried low in the mix. The performances are loose even by the Stones' standards. Initial reviews from critics weren't exactly positive. And yet there's something about it that keeps luring you back.

I first bought a used CD of Exile in the early '00s at the insistence of a few folks in the Against Me! camp. Aside from a handful of songs, I really wasn't much of a Stones fan. But I was okay with the $5 I'd spent after one spin of "Rocks Off." It's the archetypal Stones song---it's got the classic open-G Richards riff to kick it off. But where similar intros like "Brown Sugar" or "Start Me Up" just unfolded into songs that, at the time, felt lukewarm and uninspired to me, "Rocks Off" actually ROCKED. The song just keeps climbing up and up, ascending to greater heights. And when the second chorus comes in with the horns? Holy fuck... yes. And what's this song even about? Sexual frustration? "I only get my rocks off when I'm sleeping." Wait... is this song about wet dreams? Why have I been barraged by "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" all my life when this is clearly the most kick-ass Stones tune by a WIDE margin?

But wait... then the band launches into "Rip This Joint" and now I have to reconsider that maybe THIS is the most kick-ass Stones song ever. It's like Little Richards if he took too much trucker speed. And that scream Jagger let's out during the last verse: "Little Rock fit to drop... AAHHHHH!! JUST LET IT ROCK."

Fuckin' A. Shoot that shit into my veins.

But then... "Hip Shake." An old blues cover that just kinda simmers but never reaches a full boil. They had all this momentum, and they just completely dropped the ball. For at least the first couple of years I listened to Exile I would play the first two songs and then hit stop on track 3. Truth be told, at least part of the reason for that was that my cheap used CD started skipping at track 4.

Fast forward to 2004 and my first iPod. Now I could listen to all of Exile without the glitches. But "Hip Shake" was still a buzzkill and "Casino Boogie" doesn't exactly reignite the party with its reserved shuffle. Side 1 closes with one of the two singles off of Exile: "Tumbling Dice." And to be fair, it's a pretty good song. It's got a little bit of that gospel flair that I've always sorta hated in rock bands, but as with so many rock tropes, classic-era Rolling Stones actually did it well, and all the imitators are what ruined it.

Over the next few years I listened to Exile on my iPod a fair amount, usually when I wanted something with positive energy playing in the background but didn't want to have to actually pay much attention to it. I didn't care much for any particular songs later in the album, but it was better than listening to classic rock radio at a low volume. So yeah, not exactly "favorite album" material.

My appreciation for the album really changed when I got a well-loved used 2xLP copy at Singles Going Steady in Seattle. Now Exile was broken up into four distinct chapters. Those first five songs were like their own little universe. Two rockers, a tension builder, a strutting shuffle, and a triumphant closer. Flip it over to Side 2 and you have a whole other trip.

And holy shit, how did I not appreciate Side 2 earlier? This is where the magic really blossoms. You've got the scandalous gospel-country tune "Sweet Virginia" with it's multiple drug references and the chorus of "got to scrape that shit right off your shoes." And then you have "Torn & Frayed," a Gram Parsons-inspired country rock tune. It might not rip like those first two songs on Exile, but as far as the melodic side of Stones goes, this is easily one of their best tunes ever. And that slide guitar solo? Fuckin' hell. How was this not a single? How is it not a classic rock staple?

From there we go into "Sweet Black Angel," a political country / world music mash-up in defense of the civil rights activist Angela Davis. And then we have "Loving Cup." Ya know, when you're a kid first hearing music from the '70s, you latch onto the John Bonhams and Bill Wards and Keith Moons---the drummers that just bash like madmen. Charlie Watts seems so boring in comparison. But listen closer and you realize that Charlie keeps the show going. He's not a show pony, but he holds the ramshackle band together with a simple, graceful groove. Wanna know why Charlie rules? Just listen to "Loving Cup." And hell, the drums aren't even the best part of the song.

If Exile ended there, I don't think it would've endured years / decades of derision. But there's still a whole other LP of music and it starts slipping into some strange territories. I could easily go track by track and explain what I love about each song, but I think the thing that's kept me coming back to Exile over and over again is the mystery, and maybe it's best to leave that mystery alone for the uninitiated. Like, why was the second single for the album one where Jagger doesn't even sing ("Happy")? What's even going on in "Just Wanna See His Face"? Why wouldn't they follow the ripping two opening tracks with the equally hair-raising "All Down The Line"? Why would they end the album on "Soul Survivor" after the apex of "Shine A Light"? Give it a listen and try to solve the puzzle yourself. It's worth the journey.

By now we all know that Exile was a record made at the peak of the Stones' debauchery and resulting consequences. And maybe on some level it sounds like a band barely holding it together. But it also sounds like a band where the creative peak overlapped with their most desperate times. It's a record that sounds like a party with its moments of elation, chaos, druggy haze, and inevitable comedown. It's a record with its faults, but the faults become part of its charm.

Nowadays, it's rare that I go more than a week at a time without listening to Exile. I have so many great memories listening to this record. It's picked me up when I'm down; it's made the mundane seem magical; it's made a sunny afternoon feel even sunnier. And somehow it still feels fresh and exciting and ecstatic and reflective every time I listen to it.

A perfect record? Absolutely not. But one of the best records ever made? Absolutely.

[lennjamin-o7]

Techno: "Huh, I couldve sworn I saw movement inside the palanquin" Phil, inside said palanquin: writing little notes on everything someone does that he doesnt like in his diary kicking his feet like a schoolgirl Phil: "Revenge and a sonboy?? What else could a man want! Truly I have the most perfect wife <3"

All the other notes in his diary are just P+ K in a big heart. On literally every page.

Schlatt: Doing his damndest to make a good impression on Techno Techno: "Kinda weird dude but he seems ok" Schlatt internally: If I dont become besties with this fucking kid by the end of the day I'm gonna lose my job; I am SO fucking behind on my magic taxes!

Schlatt: trying to bond a bit with the new sonboy of the fae realm Mielle: Ah yes, this is all about ME Schlatt: "Bro I'm trying to build business connection here! Leave me alone so I can SCHMOOZE!!"

Schlatt: "I don't think your pops would like me giving you food, he'd probably kill me about it actually" Techno: "the king can kill fae?? He never mentioned that before! That wouldve saved us this whole trip" Schlatt: "Oh they're going down the 'surprise adoption' route huh. Don't worry about it then princeling!"

Schlatt: "Wait you genuinely don't know who the fae you made that deal with actually is??" The royals: "Nope? Why would that be important??" Schlatt: "You know what? Not my business. I'm just here to do the bare minimum and network with the newest sonboy of the realm. Not educate dumbass humans."

Schlatt looking at the palanquin: "What kind of ASSHOLE would leave their sonboy alone all sad? God that's such a DICK MOVE isn't it little princeling?? Wouldn't wanna get adopted by that guy!" Phil, scowling from inside: This feels a bit personal

Phil: makes magic plant to shade his sonboy from the sun and heat Felix: leans closer to techno so he can have some shade too Phil: thin ice but I guess its ok Mielle: steals techno's seat and makes him sit in the shit area she was sitting in Phil: absolutely fucking not. eat shit and die.

Mielle: openly talks shit about who's about to be the prince of all fae Fundy who just wanted to see the sonboy: Bro i gotta fucking haul ass if I wanna live to see another day Puffy who needed to vibe check Mielle: The vibes? Rancid. I hope you have an AWFUL day. Matter of fact? I HOPE the queen kicks your ass. You deserve it.

Phil: They hurt our sonboys feelings! They made him so sad!! Kristin: aww poor baby :( I'm gonna rip them to fucking shreds <3

Queen Chesil: where the fuck has my son gone he ran off but now we cant find him holy shit this is bad Phil: Just turned my new son into a fae!! Might fuck around and get some more revenge later <33

Techno: "I wanna go back to my old family! I love them all!!" Kristin: "Oh yeah? Name one good thing about Mielle. Quickly." Techno: Techno: Techno: "That was so unfair and you know it" Kristin: "You'll get over it. Now how about some cookies? You're far too skinny!"

The royals: "thank god the queen was willing to hear about our deal. Now we dont have to worry about that fae yoinking our second child!" Phil, pulling the old switcharoo: yoinks their third child The royals: surprised pikachu face

The royals when court is back in session: "Where the fuck is our youngest prince what did you do" Kristin: "Yeah about that… you lost the custody battle on that one and since he's technically not inside your deal you cant do anything about it" :) The royals: "Surely there's some way we can bargain him back?? This isn't fair at all!" Kristin: "Ohh well the thing with that is we've kinda sorta already adopted him and turned him into a fae? Yeahh maybe you shoulve been a bit more attentive if you didnt want the boy to get snatched! We got his name fair and square too. No wiggle room at all on your end!! The royals: "Thats literally so unfair??" Kistin:"Have you maybe considered the fact that I literally dont care?? We're kinda fucking famous of stealing kids. Now shoo so I can have more sonboy time!"

Phil would do something like that. If anyone asks, he would call it a travel journal, but its just filled with vendettas and mushy doodles of Kristin. Little hardcore hearts drawn throughout.

Magic taxes asdfghjkll Yeah he would be. Fuck the magic IRS, he's from Magic New York.

Schlatt is there to do his job and insult mortals, and he's already done his job. And that insult thrown at Philza was INCREDIBLY directed. Phil was scowling the entire time. Very unhappy. Stay away from his new son.

Oh yeah, Phil didn't LIKE Felix trying to share the shade, but it was fine. Techno looked thrilled with his brother curled next to him. Can't be too mad.

Not eat shit and die, SMELL shit and die. Stinky plant for stinky children. Send a nice breeze so Techno doesn't have to smell it.

Fundy was not about to get merked because a bratty girl decided to try and one-up the kid literally wearing Philza's jewelry. He had a life to live.

All of your impressions are KILLING ME. Every single one of them. I am dead. Sorry guys, can't update the last chapter because this ask killed me via my funny bone /j.

There is a no refund policy in Kristin's court. Finders keepers. :P

[bruce-wayne-simp]

Ok yall im about to watch Remainder (2015)

I love how when i started my Sandman obsession i was like 'ok but we arent gonna get obsessed with Tom Sturridge' and now here we are. Ive watched Pirate Radio like 3 times and now im watching this

Disclaimer: idk what exactly this movie is about. Ive read a synopsis before but that was a while ago and i forgot what it was so 🤷‍♀️

The rest is under a read more, so, incoherent rambling ahead (hopefully). If not ill just be yelling abt how pretty he is i guess

Spoilers ahead

Oh god its starting aaahhhh

Hes panting....

So he's walking around frantically (but not like. Panicked) with a suitcase

Ok he left his luggage and now something fell-

HOLY SHIT he just got bashed in the head by something falling

How is he not fucking dead that was BRUTAL

Oh ok so hes basically dead??

Oh no hes awake actually

3 minutes in and this is a rollercoaster already jesus

Ok so he's in the MRI end he's remembering something

Ok creepy old lady

HE'S SPEAKING AAAAHHHH

Oooh he's scraggly here. Long hair and a beard

Ouch i feel bad for him :( he got tea and then fell while carrying it back to the bed

Did he rip the phone cord out of the wall on purpose

Ok tbh this is getting kinda tedious

Ooooh wait now its getting interesting

Ok so hes in the phone booth bcs he accidentally(?) pulled his phone cord out of the wall and this guy is impatient and wants to use the phone but gives up and goes away.

Then these two guys pull up in a car and are trying to get him out of the phone booth. The guy from before pulls out his phone and starts recording and one of the two guys reveals he has a gun. The guy recording manages to spook the two guys off.

Tom (T. Sturridge's character) gets out of the booth with the help of the recording guy, looks at him intensely and calls him Christopher. Chris gets kinda freaked out bcs that's his name and Tom somehow knows it.

INTRIGUING. Which is great bcs i was about to skip forward

Oh shit now there's some lady in his house

He knows her??? Ok

Also he did rip the phone out of the wall on purpose

Oh thank god hes getting a haircut

Oh also btw hes getting a settlement for the accident which is 8.5 million pounds but after taxes and stuff itll be like in the hundred thousands. The catch is that he can't talk about it. Which to him is all well and good bcs he doesn't remember anything about it.

Its kinda implied by this point that there's more to this than just an accident

Aww he's talking to the lady (idk her name and at this point we don't know his either) and he says he remembers her. He specifically remembers seeing her right before the accident (which we saw earlier), he remembers her smell and remembers kissing her or someone who looks like her

They're in the lawyers office and GOD is he pretty here

I noticed the way he moves his hands kinda oddly in The Sandman and i wondered if that was a character choice but i think he just Does That?? Idk we'll see

Im so confused. What??

I'm even more confused

How dare he look pretty with blood on his face looking pathetic in the subway

Oh shit thats a little complicated

So he went to this guys house where hes having a halloween party. The dudes name is Greg(??) and knows our guy. We find out the lady's name is Catherine and she is Gregs wife. Our guy is kinda agitated and trying to leave (for some reason) and Greg keeps pulling him back. Greg drops that she is/was his wife and that shes a liar and our guy pushes past him, goes into the bathroom amd vomits in the sink.

"Blizz. I think youre bad at explaining. None of this makes sense!" Exactly. Im even more confused

I have faith this will all make sense soon. We are only 30 mins in.

Is this just a 'this movie' thing or a British thing?? Is everyone this impatient all the time?? First hes in the phone booth for literally 5 seconds before someone tells him to hurry up. Now hes in the bathroom for maybe like 1 minute before people are like 'hey hurry it tf up' like CHILL yall

Ok nows a good time to mention this. He keeps having visions/flashbacks of this little boy in a red and blue coat and a creepy old lady

Oh shit that was intersting. Ok so he had a vision of walking around his flat and he winds up in the stairwell and he sees the old lady. She says something and he cant make it out so he asks 'What?' and she looks kind of up and next to him and the little boy is right there. The boy holds a hand out, our guy closes his eyes and he opens them to find himself still in the bathroom.

Wild. Ok. Im a bit more intrigued than confused now

Ok he was in the bathroom for an hour apparently. Theyre justified in yelling at him. But he also suffered severe brain damage so 🤷‍♀️

✨️arts and crafts time✨️

Catherines back!

He's kinda wary of her after his convo with Greg but she shows pics of herself in Oxford (where she said she was going) then they start bantering a bit and he says theyve had this conversation before and asks if she remembers and she says no :(

They're kissing aahhh

Oh shit Greg called her

He threw her phone at the wall and told her to get the fuck out

Hes not having a good time. Tbh he never was

Ok so he made a cardboard house during his arts and crafts time. For what? I have no idea.

Ok he lifted up the top and now he just destroyed it. Forget about the house we hate the house

Ok actually don't forget about the house he's calling realtors to ask about the house he recreated

Use a laptop you loser ❤️

OOOOH OKAY

So remember the vision he had in the bathroom?? THATS THE HOUSE HES LOOKING FOR. THE HOUSE HE WAS IN IN THE VISION. IT WASNT HIS FLAT.

Ok i think i get it? Hes having these visions and he remembers things and hes trying to recreate the memories and figure out what the visions are

Ok also i like the realtor guy. Hes working with him to figure out what the place hes been seeing is. Down to the old lady and the little boy.

Also we find out more details. The old lady cooks liver all the time to the point where our guy can smell it upstairs and puts her trash out whenever our guy leaves his apartment. Theres a guy who composes music and our guy can hear it upstairs.

Like hes professional and obviously a biy weirded out but hes not just like. Dismissing him out of hand

Also id youve seen The Kissing Gifs, this guy is the guy he kisses later on

The realtor guys colleagues find the house within like. Minutes and our guy is THRILLED

"I want you full-time, all the time." "Im not cheap." KISS ALREADY, DAMN

Oh shit it's those two guys from the phone booth

Oh ok so he wants to literally recreate the visions. He bought the complex he was seeing and he described the lady and the other dude so the realtor guy can move them in i guess?? And hes having construction workers make it EXACTLY as he saw it.

This man has Issues. Thats it thats the movie(?)

Oh my god he's having it recreated down to the fucking CATS on the roof. Jesus christ.

This part is hilarious

Ok so they tied the cats down to the roof bcs they were falling off the roof (horrifying). Our guy sees this and is like 'wtf no' so they have this amazing convo

Naz: These are the last cats we have

Tom: ...so?

Naz: So if they fall we'll be cat-less

Tom: Then we'll get more cats- why are we even having this conversation?

Like it's awful but funny as shit

Realtor guys name is Naz (we just found out)

(The cat handler quit btw)

Jfc he's like. Inspecting the people who are moving in with Intense Eye Contact

Oh my god hes like. Ordering this guy to do nothing but compose music that has ALREADY BEEN WRITTEN day in and day out and start over again and again

Holy fuck this is so Wild. There are people in line who literally have their faces covered (bcs i guess he doesn't know what they look like????)

He just told this lady that there's a broom closet but he doesn't want her to ever use it. But she needs to think about it. WHAT THE FUCK

"You will notice there are some rooms that have been left blank. Like the masks some of you are wearing. You're not less important, you're just less specific."

Hey. Hey Tom. Do you take constructive criticism? How about you use that small fortune and go to ✨️therapy✨️

Greg's a bit of a douche

Wow this is creepy as shit

He's going into the house and everyones in place recreating the vision but its just so... produced.

Hes micromanaging the SHIT out of this

HE WANTED TO MAKE THE LITTLE BOY APPEAR AGAIN. HE TOLD NAZ THAT THE BOY APPEARS WHEN EVERYTHING'S RIGHT. I WAS WONDERING ABOUT THE LITTLE BOY

Also the old lady fell when she was doing her thing and it knocked him out of seeing the boy

Christopher (the guy from the phone booth) seems chill.

Also Toms proposition is weird but not like. Actively malicious. He told Chris that he wanted him to stay at the phone booth. The longer he stays the more he gets paid. Also that the phone will ring and he gets paid if he answers it

We have 50 minutes left in this fucking movie

Oooohhhh hes sleeping with some random lady to try and recreate a memory i think

OH he's trying to recreate the memory with Catherine but without Catherine

Nooo those guys got Christopher :(

Naz is a real one

Oh god hes recreating Christophers death. HES PLAYING THE ROLE OF CHRISTOPHER HIMSELF

He had the guys use an ACTUAL TASER on him

Naz was like 'youre not using an actual taser' and Tom was like 'then go home' and i guess Naz decided to stay lmaooo

He threw up afterwards bcs being tased is Not Fun and was like 'again' and Naz (who is very sweet) was like 'i don't understand why it's necessary to hurt yourself'

Once again, NAZ IS A REAL ONE

Theyre still doing it again tho

Nvm he walked out of the phone booth and immediately collapsed lmao

Oof the lady he has playing Catherine is Over It

'I won't hurt you' he says as he has his hand around her neck

Men will do literally anything other than go to therapy

He scared the living shit out of her and now she's just reciting her lines on autopilot to appease him

To his credit, he feels bad about it (bare minimum)

Nvm about that actually

Sir you just traumatized some random lady bcs YOU can't deal

Oh fuck

Ok so the two guys got him

Apparently he stole the suitcase he had in the beginning of the movie before the accident and they wanna know where it is

Which is a problem bcs Tom can't really remember anything

Oh shit they're torturing him abt it

Oh wow that house is super fucked up

Literally everyones waiting in place and Tom and Naz are just. Upstairs.

They've been frozen for OVER AN HOUR

Tom's just. Watching tv like he doesn't have a dozen people frozen in place downstairs.

Wealth really does fuck you up huh

Ok bcs of Reasons theyre reenacting a bank robbery. Don't ask me why. I know why but i just don't feel like explaining it

Is Naz a realtor? I don't think he is actually. I just assumed. Sorry Naz.

At least he has a lot of stuff to put on his resume now? He could make a killing in theatre. That's basically what he's doing now is stage managment

Omg in this scene he looked like Dream for a second there

See, he wants it to feel real, but he's producing it every step of the way

THEY KISSED

Holy shit

Ok so. Basically he wants to do an actual bank robbery.

The hyperrealistic set isn't enough. If im hearing him correctly he wants to do an actual, honest to god bank robbery with real guns and everything at the actual bank where it happened

Without the actors' knowledge

Guess who works at the bank? Catherine.

This is so fucked up

What the fuck

Holy shit Tom shot him

What a psychopath

Oh my GOD

He just shot all the actors

THE KID IS REAL

Oh my god oh my god oh my god

WHAT THE FUCK

IM SHAKING WHAT THE FUCK

BRO YOU JUST KILLED 4 PEOPLE

NO FUCKING WAY

ITS STARTING OVER AGAIN

Its over oh my god

Final thoughts: Just... im speechless. What the fuck. I dont even know what to think. What a trip. It starts off super slow but damn. I might rewatch just to figure out what the Fuck but thats not high on the priority list. I might watch Like Minds next??

[winderlylandchime]

1/2 And we are on 4x13 and it starts with Britin “sleeping” and immediately he scoffs at it and goes ‘yeah right. You expect me to believe that either of them sleep like that? Not to project on Blondie but he would be all over Bri Bri. OH BRIAN IS SNEAKING OUT?! What is going on? OH JUSTIN IS AWAKE?! This would be sooooo much funnier if they’d be all over each other and Bri would spend like a full minute trying to untangle. Why is he sneaking out? Brian, you know this is your house right? WHAT IS HAPPENING? Oh shit he’s following him. HE’S SNEAKING OUT TO WORK OUT? That’s..insane..and impressive.. i hid in the bathroom at the hospital last week because i tried to avoid PT. CAUGHT! HES BEEN SNEAKING AROUND FOR THREE WEEKS?! THEYRE GONNA GO TOGETHER?! AM I FINALLY GETTING A BRIAN AND JUSTIN TRIP? Even if it is to Canada? Is there a place In Pittsburgh that they haven’t fucked at? SEE THIS IS THE JUSTIN I LOVE! THIS KINKY SNEAKY LIL SHIT!’ *pauses episode on Mel* ‘IS THAT A PICTURE OF BRIAN BEHIND HER? When gus was born!!! It is! THAT IS ADORABLE!’ He is now watching the Mel/Linds passive aggressiveness ‘okay, im gonna need this shit to end. I dont care how, just end it’ ‘I forgot about this LA dude. NOOOO JUSTIN NEEDS TO GO TO LA?! BUT THE LIBERTY RIDE! FUCK YOU MIKE! NO JUSTIN! COME ON THIS IS BULLSHIT! Why does he have to go to LA! *pauses tv* this sucks. THEY WERE GONNA FUCK IN A TENT OR WHATEVER! *looks at me* yeah yeah and raise money for charity but priorities! Fuck LA’ ‘CARL WANTS TO MARRY DEBBIE?! OH MY FUCKING GOD! HOLY SHIT’ and we are at Brian/Linds scene ‘why am i not surprised that she ran to him for help? Since when is Lindsay such a bitch? *pauses tv and looks at me all sad* do you think Brian is messed up because his parents stayed together? I mean its one horrible home versus two horrible homes. I know that’s probably why he hasn’t told Blondie he loves him and why he pushes people away but like do you think it would change shit? *looks at me annoyed bc all i did was shrug in my defense im still a little sick* oh come on dont you have a psychology degree or something (this is where i looked at him funny and tell him that i absolutely do not have that) oh…do we know anyone that has it because i have questions’ *starts ep again* ‘why is Ted not going on the ride? Whats going on? So Justin AND Ted aren’t going? WHAT is happening?’ Mikey told Ben about Carl and then he says “after all thats what two people do when they love each other, right? Get married” ‘well…not always. I mean i get marriage is like a big deal cause hospitals or like taxes or whatever but other than that? Its just too much work.’ ‘I love Blondie so much but let’s be fucking real, try to imagine Brian sleeping in a tent outside. FUCKING MICHAEL WHY CANT HE KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT! Let Justin ditch LA for a trip! Wait Brian is not going either?! Hold the fuck up? So he’s out? HOLD UP. Go on a ride without Brian and sacrifice his future? WHAT? So wait is Brian lying about not going or what? Is he lying to get Justin to go for his career? WHAT IS HAPPENING’ (all this was said very fast but also with many pauses and stuttering) ‘damn it, Mikey is actually cute! So wait the only people doing the ride are ben, hunter and Mike? the fuck?’ ‘I’m so happy that Emmett and Ted are back to being friends. EMMETT IS GOING ON THE RIDE! Aw they’re gonna ride together! At least I’ll have them two if Brian and Justin aren’t going’ and the trip to canada has started ‘so Brian is really not going? Aw he came to see them off.’ (He paused the ep to rewind back to the handjob motion hunter does and then he pointed to Brians reaction and went ‘that was either cute uncle/nephew shit OR actor dude smiled for real’) ‘i hate that he’s not going. And that Justin isn’t going. Fuck LA. Im glad Bri is being safe but it still fucking sucks.’ ‘Aw carl (carl is about to propose) sucks that he cant go. HOLY SHIT! THATS HOW HES PROPOSING?! it kinda fits for debbie not gonna lie.‘

Oh my god! the back and forth about Brian and Justin and who’s going on the liberty ride and who’s going to LA is so frustrating. I swear the writers had nothing else to do.

oh come on dont you have a psychology degree or something (this is where i looked at him funny and tell him that i absolutely do not have that) oh…do we know anyone that has it because i have questions

Shyly raises hand… you can let your brother know I have a psychology degree (three of them!) when this is all revealed. I’ll answer any questions he has.

I’m rushing through my reactions to these a bit because I have work but just know that I’ve read and reread them and died laughing.

[tsuki-sennin]

Hail to the King, baby! Ohsama Sentai! Kingohger! ...or is it King Ohger? I'll tag it both just in case. It's a brand new Sentai, for a brand new tag!

"Rejoice O Swarming Evil! You're My King!"

I am immensely excited, so no more delaying.

Spoilers, I guess...

-Five Heroes, and their God.

-Well, the CG is certainly... better!

-I love the look of this planet.

-Tikyu, I believe? Might as well just call it Yarph.

-The Bugnarak are coming back!

-Pardon you?

-It's all very stylized and detailed, I appreciate that a lot.

-Shugoddam! A... very funny name, I hope it's not foreshadowing.

-Ahhhh, a festival~!

-I feel at home already.

-Lots and lotsa bug folk!

-A ceremony?

-The kings are comin'~!

-A whole roundtable, coming forth.

-Hello, you must be Lord Racules.

-I am honored to make your presence.

-This is Queen Himeno of Ishabana.

-Oh lord, that's so much shiny.

-I mean no offense, your majesty, but this is almost certainly going to be the most CG heavy Sentai season yet.

-Toufu! ...that might be the dumbest name for any of these kingdoms.

-Kaguragi Dybowski! ...I didn't realize Poland was a country Toei even knew existed.

-Ah yep, this one! Everyone was talking about them a hell of a lot.

-King and Chief Magistrate of Gokkan. Has so much GNC swag that it practically emanates off them.

-Thank you for this, Toei, seriously.

-Chief Justice Rita, I love you already.

-And of course Yanma-shachou. Cyberpunk himself.

-I might end up calling you Yanmega by accident, sorry in advance.

-Oh fuck, he lives in Peta, run my lord, they're gonna use your autism to lie about milk!

-Here they come. Royalty in a procession of CGI.

-Legendary Swords~!

-Considering how big and important it seems to be, I'm assuming Shugoddamn's also the center of the land's religion?

-That's pretty neat, kinda like the Theocracy of Allistel from Radiant Historia.

-Oh shit, real location!

-Sorry, I don't mean to harp on the CGI so much, it's honestly not bad at all, but goddamn.

-I suppose this was the blood price to pay for the demand of real suits for every ranger.

-Gira! King of Evil!

-Conquer the world!

-Oh come now Kogane-san, you gotta get into it!

-Oh fuck, taxes.

-Hmmm... I'm sensing a corrupt bureaucracy in our midst.

-Gira comin' in to commit a crime.

-Too cringe for Kogane-san.

-Yeah! Get fucked!

-Doing it for the people!

-Quite a good guy, this King of Evil.

-No more petty squabbles. Now is the time for unity.

-King Racles, offers is life for the people of the world.

-Oop.

-Seems like we've already broken down.

-"You need me. You need my power."

-Yeah, I don't trust you, Racles.

-Damn, Rita don't fuck around, do they?

-"I'm the top", yeah that's what they all say.

-Jururira?

-Sounds tasty.

-Oh fuck, here they come.

-The bad guy bugs!

-Big Daddy Desnarak.

-"Move out, my minions- I mean, my friends! Royal Arms!"

-Have to admit, the CG's at least growing on me a lot more than I expected it to.

-Kogane!

-Homegirl's dying!

-"The King... he'll protect us."

-...seems like that was an empty lie.

-Dickhead king.

-Jesus Christ, this man is heartless.

-"Once Emperor Desnarak's head rolls, Yanma Gust's and the people of N'Kosopa shall soon follow."

-Right, you're super evil.

-Hotdamn, Himeno's kicking serious ass.

-Everybody is, holy crap.

-Damn Toei, I see you.

-Hohohohohoho!

-Yanma's haxxor powers are no match for divine tradition.

-So that's why they pushed the whole King of Evil thing so hard.

-All the world shall be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies.

-Gira! Conquer the world in the name of God and people!

-Big Bug!

-"HOW!?"

-Qua God!

-March for the King of Evil, my friends!

-Royal Arms!

-Oooooooh, I love the amber

-You Are The King!

-Kuwagon! Let's fly!

-Oh my lord

-Okay, that's cool

-Shugod!

-Right out the gate! Time to combine!

-God has descended!

-Hot damn, I'm enjoying this a lot.

-Oh God, where did the Spider Shot come from

-"Insignificant worm! Bow before your King!"

-Yeah, this is gonna be a fun ride.

-Thank you, Kuwagon.

-The kings

-"Bring the traitor's head to me, minions!"

-Headed to N'Kosopa!

-Oh shit, ad read.

-OH FUCK ACE

-Ohhhhh, this is the SHT bumper.

-Sorry, the subs I usually find omit these.

-That's pretty sick.

-Love how he brought Big Sis Tsumuri with him, that's cute.

[anothermeforcompany]

ADHD Boost

It's just a bunch of mind scramble

It's 20:10 PM and here is my share of thought

First, I was repressed my whole childhood and now I don't know what to do with my freedom

Second, I have burnout and I was kinda snarky with my mom this morning since I don't have any motivation this semester to do any of my homework.

Third, I'm annoyed with my dad for breaking my diet to tell me to eat my medicine because he's the one telling me to SLIM DOWN. I DID SLIM DOWN WITH MY FASTING BUT YOU BROKE IT !!!!

Fourth, I'm disappointed in myself for unable to control my workload. It was simpler when I was younger, but kid me don't have to think about taxes.

Fifth, I hope my mom would forgive me, the money was a token.

Sixth, It hurts to fast, my stomach is begging for food and my mind is constantly filled with food I wanted.

Seventh, I am trying to love but it's hard when my heart is filled with so much rage. I don't want to rage, it would destroy everything.

A geinue advice for someone who is feeling down from someone who is burnout and have done some bad shit to spark some fire in my soul so I can continue living, is that just see anything beautiful A flower A picture A game Like take myself for four days ago, I just failed a job test. Seven days ago, my dad once again reminds me to slim down because when he drive me with motorbike he feels I was too heavy, not mentioning that I drove most of the way. It hurts that when I finally can relax and eat, I'm always shadowed by my accomplishment and image. It puts a downer on my mood and for several days I can't even care to shower. I still shower, but at the end of the day instead of before work. I pray to my God to help me accept my failures because I've been crying because of it. Today I just scrolled through my youtube shorts and come across the recent ghostface opening in mortal kombat and holy fuck it was so cool ! There's two ghostfaces and it fits the lore !! If I could climb into my phone and kiss those babyboos I would, on my god ! See ? Those lift up my mood right away, not all the time, but it was enough to remind me that hey ! there's something good to look forward to

[rainy-weather-supremacy]

FBI OPEN THE FUCK UP!

Who means the most to who?

If given a chance to lead a better life, would they? (W no trauma n stuff)

Who’s the worst at keeping secrets?

why do eldritch patrons take such an interest in the glass family? Are they just so fuged up?

If they were transported into any world of mine (you choose) what would they do?

Who has the best style?

Worst at cooking?

Who is scared of each other (COUNTER QUESTION >:) )?

Do you have any songs for them?

Please fill this out and return it to your local law enforcement.

I CALL ON THE 5TH AMENDMENT! …just kidding I'll fill put your form. Remaining silent is stupid anyways I wanna go to prison! xD

Mikaela & Tara and Avery & Daniel, as well as the people that are dating and/or/married mean a lot to each other of course. Toby and Arthurs kids are also very important to them. It's kinda basic in that, I suppose.

I think all of them would take that chance except for Tara- They would want to continue their crusade for justice even if it meant having to suffer for it.

Mikaela, I think.

They're always kinda looking for someone to 'feed' them and somehow every Glass that turns up is an eldritch waiter. Esther also had something to do with it, but mostly yeah. They are just like that.

If it was the Museum Archives universe, it's probably mostly that Leon would try not to get sent into the afterlife and in the Baldur's death one... most of them would either run from or fight the government to keep their powers even tough they're using them for stupid shit like tax fraud. Also Tara (with Mikaelas help) would go insane hunting down everyone that worked on the mistletoe project over in that world.

Daniel 100%

Camilla: Technically makes the worst food since she's a chef who purposefully serves rotten food that seems normal but secretly isn't. / Avery: Rich kid that literally only knows how to make coffee. Survived college by hunting animals in the woods and just. Devouring them whole.

Jane is scared of Mikaela, since they can do fire and she's partially made of wood, Camilla too for a similar reason (plants everywhere on her). Mary and Daniel are a little afraid of each other but would rather die than admit it. Toby and Arthur are kinda scared of Granny (even tough she's literally one of Toby's moms lmao) and Avery thinks Mary is scary.

GOD DO I! ...yes. Yes, I do. Here's some I wrote down:

Mary and Jane: Tightrope; Here's to coming out; Holy Mary

Mary: Hurricane; Surface pressure

Daniel and Mary: Brothers; Nemeses; Evelyn Evelyn; You always want to bomb the middle east; Allies or enemies

Daniel, Jamie, Avery, Mary and Jane: Heaven says

Daniel: How bad can I be; Gay or european; Ship in a bottle; Not evil

Tara: Voices in your head; All you wanna do; Where is the justice; Laplace's angel (Hurt people? Hurt people!); Battle against a true hero (That one version from the Undertale musical)

Daniel, Jamie and Avery: Like real people do

Avery: Running with the wolves; Rule 31: Calamity

Tara and Mikaela: Partners in crime; Lonely king

Daniel, Jamie, Ozan, Avery, Mary, Jane, Toby and Arthur: Rescue me

Leon: Momento Mori - The most important thing in the world

Jamie: Ruler of everything

Esther and Granny: Song to go insane to; This is love

Everyone (The whole family): No children; Stay calm; Turn the lights off; Violence & spiders; This is Halloween; I'll fight; Welcome to the internet; How far we've come; Teenagers; Join us for a bite

(To one or two of these I actually copy-pasted the text into the notes app and kinda wrote down what would happen at what point if it was an animatic if you're interested idk)

SO YOU WANT ME TO GIVE THIS TO YOU?! HUH??? WELL GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT???!?? I'M GONNA! HERE YOU GO!

*I fold the paper into a paper plane and throw it at you* 😃👍

[mex-sickos]

Moona- Holy shitto moona is badass, she’s got summons that feel so smooth, her personal weapon feels great to use, her super is fucking phenomenal and she has support to let you get it off super quick, but I think my favorite of all is she has a singularity cc that actually fucking works too many games have singus that only have a tiny bit of pull or don’t work on bosses because it would hurt their feewings moonas shit says “we’re done when I say we’re done” it pulls in fucking everything 10/10 imo gold standard for characters

Risu- I uhhh wrote this before but didn’t save it so speedrun uhhhh she’s a shotgun surgeon, summons clones based on gold pickup, deals fuckign percent damage and in general fucks to survive definitely my new second favorite character after the rat, 10/10 I made a haste gold farm and ended a normal run with 20k gold and I didn’t even get the stamp till late like 15ish

Iofifteen- drew a dick with her ult, the rest of her kit is alright (I’d probs like it more if I watched her and got the jokes, but there’s just not enough synergy for me to enjoy) 7/10

Ollie- absolute speed FIEND you can haste and baste the FUCK outta this zombie in the refresher run I did before writing this I had her at like 110 haste 70 speed and it wasn’t even particularly optimal 9/10 great tanky speed fiend her lost point is from the fact I’m not in love with her ult and while I don’t have any gripe about her weapon it’s a smidge plain imo

Reine- critchad who actively benefits from the greed engine she’s really gunning for my heart gamers, I think she’s still under Risu but two indos weaseling their way into my hypothetical top five was not something I expected another really good character 10/10

Melfissa- single most tanky character in the game, might use her to afk farm who knows? I’m testing all these characters on stage one because I’m not tryna fight for my life on a character I don’t know but mel can literally just sit there on smol ame she can’t do shit to you cope and seeth 9/10 build like a brick wall

Kobo- pretty standard character only notable in the fact that I didn’t particularly enjoy her :/ her gimmick feels clunky her ult isn’t fun nothing against the girl herself or the oomfies who like her 6/10 her raincloud shaman skill is pretty cool her other skills just aren’t fun :/

Kaela- absolutely BADASS character I love all her skills, her ult is fun (and scales nutty with idol live which is badass), she has a hammer which all the oomfies know is one of the smoomfies top five weapons of all time she absolutely has it all, still under crat but she’s definitely tied with the squirrel for second absolute banger after banger 10/10

Vestia- Not gonna mince words on this one shes by far the weakest out of the group, her kit revolves around crits but only to get more exp, which I get kinda like I guess they want her to rely more on her weapons and items the only problem is that it doesn’t feel very good like I couldn’t help but think the entire time other characters could get more mileage outta the build I will say I started to enjoy the challenge of it towards the end and maybe if I built her different she could be more fun but these are just my personal thoughts and not like a guide or anything so :/ 7/10 still more fun then kobo

Closing thoughts- uhhhhhh it turns out playing 9 characters in a (semi) row was pretty taxing, who woulda guessed, as you can probably tell from my musings I had a lot of fun with all of them, the new items are really cool, if I decide it seems like fun I might do one of these for all the collabs in the game or smth (NOT doing every character tho that would fucking suck dm or ask me or smth if you wanna know about a specific character got dam)

[azumasoroshi]

stronghart is such a dick holy shit :sob: susato is so disappointed in him

gregson really is the gumshoe of the game sheesh

a comprehensive roast of britain (deserved)

didnt hobo phoenix have a beard lmfao i guess it was just stubble so he was on thin ice but didnt fall through

a comprehensive roast of japan (deserved)

japan strikes back with a hard hit

japan hits itself

i cant possibly screenshot the whole rabbit boom conversation but japan hits itself again lmfAO id love to see a rap battle between susato and gregson about who had the weirder taxes itd be hilarious

the rabbit boom is fair though who wouldnt want rabbits i want rabbits

also susato's mascot is a bunny right that's actually really cute

oh my god her bunny name is usato that's so. awwwwwww

what i would give for susato art with bunnies ugh (that is a cue to send me all susato bunny art in existence)

can i learn all my history lessons from dgs characters please

actually why isnt that a thing. people hang onto every word said by uhhh what are they called. vtubers right yeah why arent there any history or chemistry vtubers id watch the shit out of those lmAOo

if i get a psychology and teaching degree you can bet on what my career path is gonna look like following college

or maybe in college. get ez money from being an anime professor

ANYWAY

fuck what's your favorite movie icebreakers this should be the new standard

SUSATO WHAT THE FUCK AHUSGDHKJSDGJKJSDHJSD

watch that have been an actual tax britain or japan had. actually i guess it kind of is in american healthcare or in heavily polluted cities hm

THIS IS THE LINE EVER

ryuunosuke you would be a great politician/lawmaker you'd fit right in with the rest of them

NAHHHHHHHHH france what the fuck

ace attorney suddenly becomes a pay to win game like episode where all the good choices are paywalled help

episode traumatized me dude you'd have like the nicest outfit ever and it would be locked behind diamonds and youd have to go in rags and everyone would be like "lmao why are you wearing rags" and your character would be like "why didn't i go with the paywalled outfit :(" it fucking SUCKED

actually that mightve been where i got my restraint on spending in game currency from because i never spent anything on those choices even though i really wanted them

holds up well even now since im a master at saving in gacha games

anyway i wasnt expecting to like this escapade as much because im kinda eh on stronghart and gregson as characters but surprisingly it was really entertaining agffgjhhghkj in no small part to how much of an unapologetic douchebag stronghart is

i might actually like stronghart a lot more than i did before because of this escapade lMAOO funny how that works out

(source: x)