bruce-wayne-simp

[bruce-wayne-simp]

kendrick killing drake… eagles killing the chiefs…. god bless tonight and god bless america

[bruce-wayne-simp]

GOD BLESS THE PHILADELPHIA MFING EAGLESSS, YOU ARE AMERICAS CHAMPIONS!!!

[bruce-wayne-simp]

the accidental unfollow followed by the refollow of shame is so fucked

[bruce-wayne-simp]

4000cc breast implants :)

[bruce-wayne-simp]

It's kinda funny when you get a bunch of likes but no reblogs like I enjoyed your post but I'd prefer if no one else saw it

[bruce-wayne-simp]

[bruce-wayne-simp]

they call me the guy whos afraid of everything because. what was that. whos there

[bruce-wayne-simp]

Ohhhh I get it! The days repeat each week!

[bruce-wayne-simp]

obviously dietary requirements aren't a joke but my grandma sometimes runs errands for her church and i asked her what she's up to today and she said extremely seriously "ive got to track down the body of the gluten free christ, julia"

[bruce-wayne-simp]

[bruce-wayne-simp]

thinking of trying this new thing called saying a normal sentence

[bruce-wayne-simp]

i say "godspeed, soldier" way too much for someone who puts their faith in neither god nor the military

[bruce-wayne-simp]

"im tired of living through major historical events" is now "dear lord please let me witness a high profile political assassination in the next 1-2 years. amen"

[bruce-wayne-simp]

misclicking a poll result feels horrible. you little bitch baby with clumsy fingers. you just lied on a menial poll online. shame! everyone point and laugh!

[bruce-wayne-simp]

certain kind of tragedy i think in still following your childhood best friends online. like once upon a time you knew me better than anyone. i thought we would be friends forever. now we are Adults and Different and even despite that I so badly wish we could still Talk like we were 13. i dont know who you are. I miss you.

[bruce-wayne-simp]

I love the random replacements for clichés writers insert in science fiction shows. like when a 21st-century human would say "stop pacing you'll wear a hole in the floor" but in a space show the alien/future human says "you're oscillating like a Betelgeusian night badger" or some shit. like fuck yeah he is. amazing drive-by worldbuilding. I'm gonna spend the next half hour wondering why the Betelgeusian night badger evolved to do that

[bruce-wayne-simp]

I love using "by the way" as a segue into topics that are completely unrelated to the matters at hand. it isn't remotely by the way, quite a ways out of the way in fact. a little adventure