#I love his whole quest and his story too much. it physically hurts

[catebees]

Ameridan?

Yes Ameridan!!

[wordbunch]

hopeless (Pippin x f!reader) pt. 1

PART TWO HERE

a/n: for all of you who asked for the Pippin fic... BEHOLD. and please don't hate me for making you cry. and please give love to this fic cause i put a lot of it into the story. I am open to negotiations about a part 2. ♥️ I love him sm and I WILL put him into the most terrible situation 😩 I recommend this song to keep you company!

“You were being so brave” she breathed out in a hoarse whisper. Every word seemed to hurt and the harsh reality started to sink in - perhaps the battle-stricken fields were going to be the last place she would ever see.

The air was thick with the smell of loss, cold weapons and shed blood. With what little strength she had left she struggled to move her arm and lift a bruised hand to trail across Pippin's dusty cheek. Time seemed to be frozen, and somehow simultaneously running relentlessly. By Valar, why wasn’t there more of it? Suddenly the whole strenuous quest seemed to be painfully too short.

“I am so…proud of you,” she let out with a broken little smile, trying to stop her lower lip from quivering; whether from blinding physical pain or heartbreak, it was impossible to tell. The pain from the stab wound in her side was slowly extinguishing her will to move, speak, even to breathe.

The ringing in Pippin's ears was an unsettling mixture of echoes of battle noises, his own heartbeat, and her usually resonant, joyful voice now being a strained whisper. This couldn’t be happening.

If he blinked really hard a couple of times and really focused on the faraway memories of his home, he would wake up back in the Shire, and by some divine magic [y/n] would be there, radiant and happy. And alive. Right? Right.

Perhaps not.

Even after he blinked, she was still lying sprawled half on the rough terrain, half in his panicked arms. Was it going to be the last time he’d see the glint in her captivating eyes?

Although he wasn’t sure whether she considered him just a good friend, a comforting presence and a guaranteed good laugh, or she might have loved him in a different way, for all he knew it wasn’t going to matter anymore.

Of all the times Pippin had been impulsive in unimportant situations, he could never bring himself to be like that in the moments when it might have changed something. Borderline stupid bravery seemed to be reserved for anything but telling [y/n] that he loved her so ardently that it shook him to the core of his being. Apparently the perfect moment to do it was thrust upon him in the most gruesome way.

Love was the quiet exchange of an inside joke, a giggle muffled by a hand over the mouth, just as much as it was the twist of a knife and a tunic drenched in blood.

“Please,” he finally stuttered out, blinking away the tears with little success, “y-you can’t-” he breathed in sharply, breath hitching in his throat. One of his hands found a way to her tangled hair to move it out of her face, and found her cheeks to be damp with tears too. It was more than enough for the remainder of his courage and usually unwavering optimism to dissipate.

A flurry of memories came flooding back when her chapped lips offered him a sad smile.

She secretly passing him a small share of her food, as a substitute for the second breakfast Aragorn had dismissed.

The way that she confided in him when she was struggling on the journey and how he was ready to make an absolute fool of himself in order to make her crack a smile.

Every time Merry had made fun of him for how shamelessly he wanted to be near her and talk to her.

How she laughed with just a pinch of disbelief when the two of them told her exaggerated stories of their mischievous undertakings (and how he was convinced she was looking at him just a bit more often out of the two).

Her voice in tune with his when she joined him if he was quietly singing to himself as a distraction from the creeping darkness mingled with despair.

Sleeping on the rough forest floor was all the more bearable if she was peacefully breathing just an arm’s reach away from him.

Her kindness and complete lack of judgment whenever he messed something up unintentionally, and how he criticized himself for being a disappointment in front of the most enchanting person in all of Middle-earth.

Every time he joined her during her shift of the night watch; even when he was really sleepy, spending time with her was better than the coziest sleep.

The struggle of coming up with compliments worthy of her beauty.

Marveling together at the magical trees in Lórien, too excited to sleep.

Her willingness to stay up and ramble on about anything until he could fall asleep again after looking into the palantír.

And how she promised she will stay in Gondor as long as he was there, making him feel a little less small and a little less alone surrounded by a bunch of human strangers.

“i can’t lose y’ now,” he confessed hastily, hit by the realization that every second was, though short, of incredible importance. “Not before telling you that I love you, even if I think it’s hopeless, even if there are so many better people for you to love… but I do, and I would have been happy just being your friend, j-just being near y’ for the rest of time.”

Pippin paused for a moment to catch his breath, and [y/n] found his hand that was on her cheek, putting her own over it weakly.

“And I’m sorry and I-I know it doesn’t make sense,” he gestured vaguely at their surroundings with his free hand, “none of this does. But I can't let you go without telling you that somebody really loves you through it, even if it is just me.” At that point he was fully crying - why hold it back anymore - and she felt so, so overwhelmingly tired. 

“I wanted to show you the Shire and the bluest lake I’ve ever seen,” he sobbed in a feeble attempt to comfort both himself and the fatigued girl in his arms, “a–and there’s this tree with really big butterflies - you would’ve loved them - and I wanted to keep making you laugh until you forgot how to be sad at all.”

For a reason he couldn’t pinpoint, he felt incredibly guilty for throwing all those confessions at her at once; but before he was able to apologize profusely, with her last bit of strength [y/n] tangled her fingers in his tousled curls and pulled him down to shakily brush a kiss against his forehead; so weak that it was barely a kiss, but at least it was anything at all, before the world she’d loved and fought for faded to black under her heavy eyelids. 

-

✨ taglist my beloved ✨ @lotrnonsense​​​​​ @starlady66​​​​​​ @queenmeriadoc @entishramblings

@thesolarangel @silversword7000 @friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog ​​​​​​ @averys-place ​​​​​​ @valkyriepirate ​​​​​​ @emmaarenstarr ​​​​​​ @noldorinpainter ​​​​​​ @asianbutnotjapanese ​​​​​​ @adamgetawaydriver ​​​​​​ @fenharel-enaste ​​​​​​ @ironmandeficiency ​​​​​​      @starryeyedrogue ​​ @dinofromspac3 ​​  @wisheduponastar ​ @lady-of-imladris ​ @frodo-cinnamonroll ​ @unethicallypleistocene @deadlymistletoe @suncran @sillyvampireboi @asianbutnoteastasian @aidansloth

[velvet4510]

The fact that, unlike with Gandalf, Galadriel, Boromir, and even Sam, we are never directly told just how the Ring tries to seduce Frodo is fascinating to me … and, IMO, feeds into him and Sam’s love story.

Frodo is the protagonist and yet he’s the one character faced with temptation that we are never shown. What did the Ring say to him? What images did it put in his head to brainwash him into keeping it? What false promises did it make him?

I think it was several things.

As he entered Mordor, Frodo was exhausted, starving, and dehydrated. The Ring likely promised him food, drink, and an end to his physical pain “if you would just say I am yours.”

Also, the whole time, Frodo was terrified for his friends’ safety and wanted to protect them from the Ring, and the Ring may have twisted this and made claims like, it’s not really it that is the danger, but Sauron, and Frodo could become its new master and use its power to vanquish Sauron and keep his loved ones safe forever, “if you would just say I am yours.” (Not unlike Palpatine’s false promises to Anakin in Star Wars.)

But I think there is one other thing above all else that the Ring tried to use to its advantage: Frodo’s secret love and desire for Sam. It might’ve fed off those strong feelings by telling Frodo that he could have Sam; I wouldn’t be surprised if, knowing its evil, it tempted Frodo to force himself on Sam but Frodo resisted this, loving Sam too much to ever hurt him. I think this is what broke Frodo at the last minute at the Cracks of Doom; the Ring’s last ditch effort to ensure its survival was “if you just say I am yours, he will be yours, too. If you just say I am yours, he will be safe and protected forever.”

And thus, Sam was both Frodo’s greatest weakness and his greatest weapon against that Ring.

I mean, Tolkien didn’t give us any answers, and thus, he never said that the Ring’s tactic wasn’t Frodo’s feelings for Sam, platonic or not.

And this is just….. AAAAAH. To think that the Ring brought Frodo and Sam together on that quest, tried to break them apart by making false promises, was conquered by their shared love, then indirectly separated them anyway because of its scars on Frodo’s mind that forced him to leave Sam, and then indirectly caused their reunion as it was Sam’s status as a fellow Ring-bearer that enabled him to follow Frodo to the West.

The One Ring, the embodiment of all evil, ended up uniting, separating, and then reuniting two soulmates. The last thing Sauron ever intended for it to do.

[nirikeehan]

Happy Friday dearest!! YASSS HORROR PROMPTS how about #4 (?? I’m sorry if this is not the correct number) from the Eldritch Aesthetic list: “Something pretending to be human”

Forrrrr Thalia and Dorian??? Or Thalia x Cullen uwu

Well. She mentions Cullen.

Who's pretending to be human? One of these two characters and it's not Thalia!!!!!! ahahaha

You know what the real horror is? The class struggle, that's what.

More Curse of Strahd crossover; I can't be stopped

Metrion is borrowed from Curse of Strahd: Twice Bitten, the best DND podcast you've never heard but absolutely should, it's fantastic

For @dadrunkwriting

WC: 2281

---

“They don’t like me. They don’t trust me.” His words are slurred, the wineskin in one hand, the long leather coat trailing off one bony shoulder. “They don’t want me here.”

Thalia surveys him, her strange, new friend in this strange, new land. He’s drunk. This has happened three nights in a row, and it’s beginning to worry her.

“It’s not that,” she says, trying not to wince. “They’re grateful you brought me back safe. You’re just a little—” Rough around the edges, she tried to say to Pravin, who laughed and told her that was a delicate term for a charlatan. What is it, Thalia, about those peasant accents that make you want to do charity work? Her chest still aches from the insult. “Look. There’s not a lot of people around here we’ve been able to trust. Their suspicion is understandable, isn’t it?”

“You didn’t mention the lot of them is nobles.” Metrion appears not to hear her, pacing between the space of two trees. They’re camping by the shore of Lake Zarovich, with intel that Vallaki is too dangerous politically and the woods too dangerous physically. The tree line is as far from camp as he is willing to wander, and he points accusingly back in the direction of the tents. “You didn’t mention you’re some big shot lady, neither.”

“They’re not all nobles,” Thalia protests. “Blackwall isn’t. Hawke barely is, he grew up poor and had to go on a whole quest to restore his family’s—” She realizes Metrion probably doesn’t want a recitation of Tales of the Champion right now. “And I’m the Inquisitor. So what? I don’t understand why any of that matters. It doesn’t matter here least of all, in a world where Strahd von Zarovich is in charge.” 

She watches him physically recoil at the sound of his name. He shakes his head and takes another pull from the wineskin. “I don’t belong here,” he mutters, looking at the ground. 

Thalia blinks. “None of us do, you said so yourself.”

“’S not what I mean. This is a proper retinue, innit? For you and your very important friends.” 

Thalia recognizes the self-loathing in his voice. She’s heard it before and it hurts just as much as all those other dark moments — in the dim light of the Val Royeaux jail when she visited Blackwall, in Cullen’s office on the bad days, in the nook of the rookery library as Dorian told her of the sins of his father. “And if I said you were a very important friend?” 

Metrion chuckles bitterly. “You don’t know me, love. Not barely.” 

“I know you could’ve left me to die to save yourself and you didn’t.” Thalia crosses her arms over her chest. “You helped me hide and disguise myself so Strahd wouldn’t recognize me again. I’ve plenty of practice with people selling themselves short in an attempt to push me away, Metrion.” She swallows hard, trying not to think of Blackwall sitting in camp, avoiding her with his steely eyes. “It’s not going to work this time.” 

Metrion sways on his feet a little. He looks at her with a helpless expression, then leans against the tree trunk and slides slowly to the ground, legs to chest, the wineskin resting on his knees. His yellow eyes are distant.  

Thalia chews her lip. The silence stretches.

She’s turning to go when she hears him ask softly, “What d’you mean, ‘this time’?” 

She looks at him again, her throat tight. “It’s a long story.”

“Yeah, well. We got all night, don’t we?” He holds up the wineskin, jiggles it at her, laughs nervously. “All our lives, supposedly.”

Thalia takes a breath. “If I tell you, will you promise to tell me why you hate nobles so much?” 

His jaw works back and forth. She catches a glimpse of his long gold incisor. “I��ll think about it.” 

Thalia snorts. “Not good enough.”

“All right, yes, fine. Story swap time. Just sit down and have a drink before I change my mind, yeah?” 

She sits. The grass is cold and damp beneath her trousers. She inches closer instinctively, for the warmth. She takes the wineskin and hesitates. 

“Does m’lady wish to have it poured into a golden goblet first?” Metrion asks, affecting the false posh accent.

“Oh, shut up.” Thalia takes a deep swallow. The wine tastes like a dry red, not as robust as some she’s tasted, but will do in a pinch. She licks her lips and hands the wineskin back. Again she sees the flash of bright pink sticking out from between his gloves and trench coat sleeve. The tunic underneath doesn’t look that vibrant, but he never takes off the coat, so it’s difficult to say. She can’t blame him for wearing several layers in this chill. “So. Where do I start?”

“Beginning’s usually a fine place.” The wineskin is already back to his lips. 

“Right.” She sighs, casts a glance over at the camp. “You met Warden Blackwall.” 

“Yeah. Thought his eyes might cut me in two.” 

“He’s like that. He, ah.” Thalia takes the wineskin back, swallows to summon the courage. The rim tastes like the makeup he’s slathered on her face, and she tries to work it off her tongue, wondering how she managed to get it there. She worries her finger at the bit of tan pigment she can see there. “He and I… well…” Her cheeks warm.

“Fucking hell.” She can feel, rather than see, Metrion’s raised eyebrows. “Him? Right old man, ain’t he?”

“It’s not like that. Well, I mean, I thought it was, or would be, at one time.” Thalia feels mortified, saying all this out loud. “I didn’t mind that he was older. He’s one of the best fighters you’ll ever see. I always felt safe with him around. And I thought he wanted me. But it never really… happened.” 

Thalia looks up, and Metrion is fixing her with one of those looks she has a difficult time parsing. Skepticism, she thinks, in the cocked brow. His eyes are narrowed, almost dangerously. And yet, he seems sad. “They always want something,” he says, almost too softly for her to hear. 

Irritation flares in her. “Now you sound like Cullen.”

“Who’s Cullen?” Metrion shoots back.

“My… I don’t know what you’d call it. Boyfriend?” 

Metrion snorts. “Hope he’s closer to you in age.”

“He is. You’re sounding awfully protective for someone who insists he’s not my friend, you know.” 

“Look, love.” Metrion takes the wineskin back and takes a purposeful swallow. “Don’t need to be a friend to tell you to be careful. With men like that, it’s always gonna be about how much power they can get over ya. But go on, tell me more about how noble and shit this Warden Blackwall is.”

“That’s the thing.” Thalia stares down at her hands. “I found out he’s not a Warden. He was lying. He was lying about everything. His name’s not even Blackwall.” 

She feels Metrion tense beside her. 

“He’s… he was…” She swallows. She can’t say the words that lodge in her throat. Criminal. Murderer. Traitor. “He was wanted for treason in Orlais. They were going to hang him.”

Metrion says nothing, taking another slow sip of wine. He looks past her, to the faint flicker of firelight in the camp. “Did he do it?” 

“Oh, yes.” Thalia blinks, and her vision blurs from the tears that come without her permission. “He definitely did.” 

Metrion watches her, then hands her back the wineskin with care. She sniffles, wipes at her eyes, smears more of the makeup, sighs. She drinks once, twice. “Sorry, I— it still hurts, you know? I saw so much good in him, I saw how he was trying to make himself better — I didn’t care about all the lies, I really didn’t — but here was everyone, everyone in positions that mattered, saying what he’d done was unforgivable. And worse, that he seemed to believe that himself.” 

Metrion is silent for a long while. When he speaks again, his voice is a raw mumble. “And this is the bloke you’re comparing me to?”

“No. Yes. I had to save him, don’t you understand? I couldn’t let him die. But he hates me for it.” 

Metrion scoffs. “Don’t think that’s true.” 

“And why not?” Thalia retorts. 

“I seen the way he looks at you.” Metrion takes the wineskin back. “Trust me, I know the difference.” 

Thalia opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. She feels as though he kicked her in the chest. She grasps clumps of wet grass and yanks them from the earth with a pained tug. Metrion drinks deeply beside her, coming up for air with a near desperate gasp. 

“’S that what you want to do to me?” he asks with a sudden, venomous edge to his voice. “‘Save me’?”

“No. It didn’t work with Blackwall; why would it work with anyone else?” Thalia forces a smile. “Besides, what’s there to save you from? An alliterative stage name?” 

Metrion chuckles, but she feels no mirth from it. “Right, yeah. Metrion the Magnificent — ’s a little over the top, innit?”

Thalia is surprised by the criticism. Pravin never approached his stage persona with anything but the utmost pride. “I think it gets the point across.” 

“Sure it does.” Metrion clutches the wineskin in his lap and studies it. “You said— this Blackwall fellow, he was trying to better himself.”

Thalia blinks. “Of course. That was the whole reason he wanted to join the Grey Wardens.”

“What if I said I’m not tryin’ to do that?” He looks at her, and his eyes seem glassy, though from the wine or grief it’s hard to tell. 

“I… don’t know.” She gets the sense he’s fishing for an answer that eludes her. “Why would you need to? You’re just an actor.” 

As soon as she speaks, the doubt comes, because he’s glancing away, sniffing, rubbing at an eye. 

“Aren’t you?” Her voice is small. 

“O’ course. Yeah.” Metrion grimaces against the lip of the wineskin. “Just not the kind your friend Fidencio would approve of.” 

Thalia takes a breath. She feels off-kilter, like they’re somehow not talking about the same thing, despite their words. “Metrion, I know what I must look like to you. But I’m not a wide-eyed innocent, or a dainty lady, ignorant to the ways of the world. And because of Fidencio, I’ve met some colorful types when it comes to the stage. Nothing about you — shocks me, if that’s what you’re worried about.” 

“How magnanimous of you, m’lady,” he sneers, and she flinches. 

“All right, fine then.” She snatches the wineskin away from him and drinks. It’s nearly empty. “I bared my soul to you; it’s time you returned the favor. Why do you hate the aristocracy?” 

Metrion snorts, letting out a slow, drunken laugh. I shouldn’t have let him have more, she thinks fleetingly.  “You’ve got it all wrong in your pretty little head, pet. I don’t hate ‘em. I don’t think about ‘em much at all. Except for their money.” He waves his arm with an exaggerated flourish, as if to take a bow, and clenches his fist. “And how it can be mine.” 

Realization dawns. “So you’re a thief.” 

Metrion shrugs. “Don’t really like to nail myself down to one thing.” 

“A swindler, then. A huckster. A snake oil salesman.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “Never tried to sell any sort of oil, nah.” 

Thalia tries to work this through her head, which the wine has made light and warm. She feels suddenly sleepy. She sighs, eyes his shoulder, and slowly leans closer, resting her cheek against it. He doesn’t resist, but doesn’t move either, instead looking straight ahead. He really is quite bony, beneath all the layers. 

“Okay,” she says, yawning.

“Okay?” 

“Okay. You’re a real knave, I guess. You run scams on people, is that it? I just told you I was in love with a man who almost got executed for treason.” She giggles. “You can still be my friend. I don’t care.”

There is a confused silence. “You’re not… afraid I’m gonna make off with the family jewels or nothing?” 

“Joke’s on you.” Thalia smirks. “I left all my jewels back at Skyhold.” 

“Well, shit.” 

They snicker in unison, and Thalia thinks things might finally be settling between them. 

“That wine isn’t bad, you know,” she ventures.

“’S the only thing gettin’ me through, love.” Metrion takes the wineskin back, drains it in one gulp, and drops it at his side opposite her. 

She worries he’s going to suggest they go back to camp and get some sleep, but he doesn’t move. Thalia has no desire to go back either, to face the others: Blackwall’s grim visage, Pravin’s disapproving looks, Hawke’s devil-may-care bravado. She can sleep right here, she thinks, as long as he doesn’t move, which he seems to have no intention of doing. She feels a strange sort of comfort from that, if not exactly affection. 

“Metrion?” 

“Mm?” He sounds half-asleep. 

Thalia wrinkles her nose and sniffs. “Why do you smell like shoe polish?” 

His eyes pop open, the yellow irises sliding toward her. He stretches his long legs out and wiggles the toe of one boot. “Gotta keep ‘em looking proper, you know.” 

“For your magic act?” She can see him on a stage, conjuring cards from thin air. Summoning rabbits. Drawing applause, passing a hat around. Enough money, maybe, for one night, or two, or ten. She feels as if she’s on the cusp of understanding something, and it makes her terribly sad. 

“Yeah,” Metrion mutters. “For my magic act.” 

[novantinuum]

ooh pen/paintbrush/pastels for aryll?

Thank you much for sending some in, fren <3<3

Writer/OC meme source

__

Pen- What’s one minor moment your character regrets? A small mistake, but something they “can’t erase”?

In a sad way, a lot of the little things young Aryll regrets are moments when she gets hurt on the road, or has to admit to her weariness or hunger. She fear that she's just slowing her brother down... and every single second they linger on the road is a second of his important quest he can't ever get back.

Another thing she regrets years later... is the fact that her first meeting with Purah didn't exactly give the best impressions. Child Aryll was quite overbearing in her excitement during that introduction, and she feels like the researcher has been a bit standoffish ever since. Like... Purah tolerates Aryll, but she doesn't get the sense that she particularly likes her.

I think Purah's opinion of Aryll softens the older she gets- but they're never "besties" or anything. There's always gonna be a bit of friction with those two.

Paintbrush- How often does your character “brush over” conflict instead of facing it head on? Is there something specific they don’t like to face, or do they avoid conflict as a whole?

Hmm... So, especially as she grows older, Aryll is the sort of person who is more than willing to tackle physical conflict, but emotional conflict is daunting to navigate. She kind of inherits some of Link's worst emotional repression traits over time, just via subconscious emulation.

The largest conflict she has not to date (as of Young Adult Aryll in TotK times) gotten around to fully processing are those lingering fears of abandonment. This stems right back to her older brother essentially disowning the family back pre-Calamity, disappearing from their lives without a trace or even an explanation. Aryll likes to believe that she's gotten over the lingering scars of this with the Link she knows now, but I think it still bothers her that she'll never understand the reason he walked away in the first place. (Aka Link has never gotten back those memories, and at this point probably never will.) Thus, I think there's a small part of her that feels like she's eternally destined to walk on eggshells around him, least he decide to leave her behind again.

On a related note, I have a mid TotK fic scene in mind that (content warning: mental illness, suicide attempt) involves Aryll responding in a bit of an ugly way to Link's gloom sickness heightened depression. She does not take too well to learning that her brother tried to drop himself off a sky island without his paraglider, and momentarily makes it about her in her mind. Y'know, in that sort of "how dare you almost kill yourself and leave ME behind" sort of way. She IS able to course correct when called out on it by another individual... and from then on re-centers herself to give as much support to Link as she's able. I think it only makes sense that this would be her instinctual first reaction with her personal traumas, though. A realistic fatal flaw.

Pastels- Give me three colors that best represent your OC. Now give me three colors that your OC likes best. Is there an overlap?

Ooohohoh, color theory! Love me some of this.

Okay, so as the author, picked from a piece of artwork I did of Aryll... here are the three colors I feel best encompass her story:

The light yellow was color picked right from the shiny part of her hair- and it not only represents her as a person and her connection with her brother- also a blonde- but also her sunny disposition and ability to look on the brighter side of things. She is the daylight of Link's journey, even when the clouds set in and the roads grow stormy.

The turquoise was color picked from some "green fire" on the background of The Ballad of Aryll's cover art, and represents Aryll's connection to the spiritual realm... a very large part of her character and story which will be explored more as the story goes on.

The sorta burnt red color was colored picked from the red of the combo Hylian/Sheikah crest on Aryll's shield, and represents her heritage. It's a color seen associated a lot with both societies.

On Aryll's side, I feel like she'd very much love the light yellow and the red- and some of the art I've drawn of her features her clothed in these colors, but turquoise is the odd one out. It's not a color she would choose for herself. If she could pick a third color all her own, it'd be this:

[athenaholmesartistsguild]

So I really like the introduction to Yakuza 7! I'm noticing a lot of parallels to the beginning of the first Yakuza game (main character is hanging around with friends and family and then he takes the blame for a murder and ends up in prison for a long time).

But with LAD you can really see how much the series has developed when it comes to writing characters and structuring scenes/gameplay (and their animation holy shhhhit.).

I just finished chapter 1 and I can't help but think about Kiryu's introduction in 1 and all of the little decisions LAD made to make its intro hit really fuckin hard.

This post is really long, so I put the rest under the cut so I wasn't clogging people's dashboards or search results. Although maybe I should be a little spicy and cause chaos.

So in the beginning of 1, there's a lot of little fetchquests that help you learn about the characters you'll be interacting with later, but upon replays just makes the beginning of the game a slog to get through. In fact, it was pretty boring the first time I played as well.

Like when someone steals the ring you just bought and you have to get it back from a pawn broker, but he doesn't believe you so you have to find more money, and then he raises the price, so you have to get even more money and--

It's such a pain and feels pointless when the pawn broker just gives it back to you anyway.

If I'm remembering the scene correctly, the point was to establish soaplands as an important location so it isn't jarring when they come up later, and it establishes that Kiryu is autistic kinda clueless and doesn't notice his accidental innuendo. So we get this silly scene where Shinji thinks Kiryu's just horny as hell and Kiryu's so embarrassed that the ring he JUST bought got stolen that he feels like he needs to hide the reason he needs more cash.

When I describe the purpose of the scene, I actually really like it! You get a really good idea of who Shinji and Kiryu are and it endears us to our main character which should really be the focus at the beginning of a story (at least if you want to make your main character somewhat likeable to the audience). The yakuza games are really good at characterization so it's not a surprise that the foundation is really solid.

It's the execution of the scene that kinda takes the charm out of the whole thing. All this running back and forth just doesn't work. Sure it establishes that Kiryu has a pretty strong belief that you don't hurt innocent people (at least unprovoked), even if they're making your life super difficult, but making the player physically walk up and down the same alley just kills the momentum. Either having the screen cut to black and skip over walking to Shinji or simply putting Shinji closer to the player would've tightened up the pacing a bit.

Obviously there are really good scenes in the introduction. Two examples that always stood out to me were Majima's introduction and how quickly he's established as a dangerous foe as well as the scene where Nishiki mentions Kiryu getting to run his own family and Kiryu's ambivalence (or even hesitation) serves as a good foil to Nishiki's eventual development into a primary antagonist as well as also being a huge hint that Kiryu isn't going to be yakuza by the end of the game.

There's also some really good lines establishing Reina's unrequited crush on Nishiki which becomes important to the plot later. But the really good scenes are kinda overshadowed by the fetch quests in between them which are really more a relic of the original 2005 game than anything.

But Like a Dragon's intro? It's crisp.

You're introduced to Ichiban and you understand who he is real quick. Not only does Ichiban outright tell you he wants to be a hero, but he acts like one too! He's just a cutie-patootie and you fall in love with his energy and his excitement and everything really.

Which is what makes the scene where Arakawa asks him to take the fall for murder so much more heartbreaking! I'll talk about technical things in a second (because there's a lot to talk about), but it's so freaking heartbreaking to see Ichiban take going to jail for murder in stride. The shot where he starts crying just breaks my little heart.

And then when he eats his final meal? So fucking good. I just love it so much!

Onto gameplay and other technical stuff.

Chapter 1 of LAD is longer than 1's first chapter (I think. I might be remembering wrong), but the time feels so much better utilized. Number 1, locations are closer together. Number 2, there's no back-and-forth. It feels like you're progressing, even if you're just getting a plunger for Shangra-la.

LAD also uses a lot more cutscenes and a lot more varied ones at that. Not only do you have the fully rendered cutscenes for story exspositing moments, but then you've got game-rendered cutscenes where characters are either walking somewhere, or they're chatting about things.

There isn't too much gameplay in the beginning likely because the point of the introduction is to establish characters, their motivations, and their relationships to each other.

But the gameplay that is in there is pretty sharp.

Most notably the battle system is super fun. I like that there's more to it than just pushing a button and waiting your turn. There's special abilities that require button presses, regular attacks can get an extra hit in if you press the button at the right time, and you can block attacks if you time it right (I'm the worst at this one lol).

I also really like how you can press the run button once and it'll keep letting you run until you stop. This was the biggest (little) issue with the switch to the Dragon Engine. The walk speed was now as fast as... walking. Whereas I would mostly use the default walk speed in 0 and K1, in the Dragon Engine, if you need to go someplace, you're running because you'll never get there if you walk.

However! The run button is X. Combined with the need to use 1 joystick to run and a 360 degree camera, it can be difficult to adjust your camera angle while running which can make moving around the map difficult. You'd essentially have to press the run button with the middle joint in your thumb and try to move the camera joystick with the pad of your thumb. It's just not comfortable and like. I don't think it's a particularly healthy way to use your thumb I think.

Obstacles and story beats were also a lot closer together so any time you had to go somewhere or do something, it was never farther away than around the corner or down the street. And if it was, the characters would walk part of the way in a cutscene so you could get to know them while you're traveling to the next location.

There were just... a lot of good decisions made and I like them a lot.

In terms of other mechanical stuff that I liked, the animation is so freaking good?

The characters have these like. Micro expressions that give you an extra dimension to what they're feeling. Like when Arakawa asks Ichiban to cover for Jo and Ichi's looking at Arakawa, his surrogate father, and you can see the pain in his eyes, how he knows this is ripping Arakawa apart, how this is going to tear his own life apart, but then he pulls his lips together and he's not smiling but you can see this tenderness, this acceptance. Just... It's so fucking good!!!!

And like. The sound design in this scene? You can hear Ichi and Arakawa shifting in their chairs, you can hear their clothes rustling.

When Arakawa's putting his face in his hands because he's so ashamed that he's about to ask for something so unfair, you can hear him rub his face.

The tension is so thick and the room's so silent that these almost silent movements are the only noises. It's a flawless scene.

I'm so looking forward to playing more of the game! I'm super blown away by what's happening so far and I'm looking forward to meeting our new cast of characters and seeing how the plot unfolds.

And like. I don't want to make it seem like I don't like 1 (Kiwami specifically since that's what I played). I'm not comparing it to LAD to say Y1 is bad. It was the first installment in the series and RGG has had 15 years to learn from their previous games and tighten up their process. The purpose of this post is more: "look how much you've grown! I'm so proud of you!"

Because I love K1! I like it as an introduction to the series. I love the absolutely heartbreaking ending. I love how even after Kiryu loses everything, he keeps going. For him. For his new daughter. For all the people that he lost.

I just love that even though he's surrounded by cynicism and violence and indifference, Kiryu still chooses to care, to feed a stray dog on the street, to carefully lay Haruka down when she's asleep and he gets into a fight.

Ichiban is an aggressively uplifting and caring character while Kiryu is quiet and subtle. And there's beauty in both, I think.

[tacogoats]

I’m replaying Lightfall on Legendary, which is a first  for me because I’m dogshit at this game but I’m gonna put some thoughts below on what I think so far, along with some thoughts about posts I’m reading now that I’m not at risk of spoilers:

So honestly I gotta get this out of the way first but I thought Lightfall was kind of mid. Like, a 6.5/10 at best; I think the emphasis on Strand hurt the narrative a lot and it felt more like “Strand, the Campaign” rather than fighting off the forces of the Witness and saving Neomuna and all. It’s not an uncommon complaint either - I’m seeing tons of people complaining about Strand taking too much of a stage presence, and I kind of agree, but anyway...

Nimbus took some time to grow on me because I was expecting a much darker tone to the story and the ‘peppy rookie’ was irritating sometimes (particularly when I was mid-fighting), but I’m told the Exotic quest has some very insightful commentary from them, and it’s just how they cope with their loss and the pressure on them now that they aren’t ‘the rookie’ anymore. So, while I said that I was done with the campaign I still have the post-campaign to do, and knowing *that* bit of info I think a second look at Nimbus is actually putting them in a much better light to me now. I think they’re a good balance to cranky Osiris who is constantly yelling at the YW to push themselves harder and harder, and who isn’t taking any bullshit. I’ll get to Osiris in a bit too, but I am actually looking forward to how Nimbus evolves from here since we have them as basically representing Neptune now. I’ve just gotten to the ‘restoring the graves’ kind of thing for past Cloudstriders and it’s lovely to look at the legacy Nimbus is carrying. I hope we can bring them out into the world and show them places like the Dreaming City, or the Tower. I’ve heard some quips from them picking up bounties about their amazement of the outside world and I hope they get to see it and aren’t confined to their little bounty perch.

I really love the whole “everyone is standing together” part of the story with humanity, the Awoken, Eliksni and Cabal standing against a new Collapse, so I hope we see Neomuna stand with us sooner than later in physical presence, too. I screamed in joy when Caiatl showed up, and also want to kind of touch on those words of warning she gave us when she rescued us, because oh boy are we ever reckless... and so is someone else!

So... now Osiris.

Seen a lot of hate thrown his way, and I don’t understand any of it. I think people are mischaracterizing him and his behaviour is just going way over their heads. I DO think it’s a bit easy to miss conversations in this game though so I will throw some understanding to newer players who maybe didn’t see the little holo conversation Saint-14 had with him and who maybe don’t Know him, but still. He’s reckless, stubborn, and very, very driven to the point it teeters into obsession - and he’s living all that through the YW because he is no longer a Lightbearer and can’t throw himself at problems like he used to, so of course he comes off as pushy and mean, he *is*, but it’s because of what was stripped from him. Did people forget he’s spent years being a puppet, basically? He woke up to a changed world and lost his best friend, his Ghost, and now has to deal with an imminent Collapse 2.0 in a world he hardly recognizes with how fast things have changed (for the better, but it’s still a change!) And he was always a cranky old guy! Of course he’s gonna be cranky, but he’s not *stupid.* He reigns it in when called out on his bullshit. He is capable of stepping back and taking a moment to *think*, and he does it. He and Nimbus are excellent partners for that kind of thing too, and I look forward to seeing more of it from these two queer folk from different walks of life.

But uh, Caiatl’s warning? Yeah, I’m kind of hoping for a Real beatdown moment for us. That shit was ominous and Osiris has been kind of overbearing with his ordering us and pushing us more and more. I came from playing FFXIV where the PC, the Warrior of Light, is very much used as a tool for people - and a certain character calls it out to the person who does it the most, and it’s a wakeup call for them. I think the game does a decent job of having the characters acknowledge they push and shove us into danger constantly - because, unfortunately, we’re the only one who can meet the challenge and come out of it - but we’re a person at the end of the day, too. I think YW is in need of that moment where they have to lose, and the cast has to recognize they can’t rely on the YW for everything. I think we’ll be approaching that in the Seasonal story, (I hope), with how the civilians want to do their own part in the fight for Earth. I think the hesitancy to shoot our Ghost in that ending cinematic was fantastic, but Give Me More.

Disclaimer: I have only come back to D2 with the Witch Queen expansion, so if a moment like that has really happened already and I missed it - oops. I’m doing my best to keep up with the story but I do miss things, and I am not counting Forsaken for a plethora of reasons that kind of merits its own post.

So, now the Seasonal story which has some of my big gripes because I’m a little fucking creature who has latched on to Crow like a leech who won’t let go. :)

I came back to D2 after not having played since the Curse of Osiris expac, and I landed back in mid-Season of the Haunted. I had to do a lot of googling as to why Uldren Sov (I had seen the Forsaken cutscenes because an old friend was still playing during that, so I knew who him) was now going by the name Crow and was our buddy. I had to google what a ‘Savathun’ was lmao; I was a very casual player who’s first experience to D2 was the Red War - only picking it up because I could buy it with WoW tokens back when D2 was on the Battle.net App. (Yeah... so...I went crazy farming flowers in WoW, and bought D2...)

So, basically I didn’t know jack shit. I had landed in a Strike or something at one point and heard Amanda talking to Crow and totally thought they were cute as fuck and hoped it would go somewhere.

And then I landed in Season of the Haunted and she blasted him for being Uldren, and basically all of Uldren’s crimes. And I was kind of upset.

Aaannndd now we’re in Season of Defiance and that blowup is still definitely hanging between them and it sucks.

Now again I’m prefacing this with Crow is my special little blorbo whom I would like to lovingly chew on like a dog toy, and also as someone who loves toxic relationship dynamics - I am staring directly in all my horrible little men I ship - but wow. This ain’t the fun kind of toxic relationship. It’s just... sad.

Crow’s taken nothing but huge Ls since waking up as a Guardian and it’s not fun seeing him continue to take them into the mess of a love life attempt Bungie is wringing him through. I don’t think it’s cute how he’s basically on his knees groveling to Amanda while she is totally fine shooting the poor guy. It doesn’t matter that he can come back - she killed him, why is he still chasing her? Guy isn’t about to get a break either because Mara is Right There and is another character effectively haunting him, especially now that he has Uldren’s memories to boot. I am in absolute awe this poor man hasn’t snapped like a twig under all this mental hell he keeps enduring - most of his existence has been torture porn. I recently discovered how his time was spent before falling into Spider’s hell for him and just... wow.

I’m seeing a lot of people post about him ‘flirting’ with his ‘I’m so beefy’ joke and like. It didn’t clock as a joke to me, it’s that awkward ‘haha yeaaahh you totally shot me, I guess it was an accident, right?’ and her totally blowing that off - and then in the next battleground (which, I love the battlegrounds!) I did he makes a comment about how he hates dying to falling, and she snaps back at how she went to easy on him with the shotgun? Girl. What is wrong with you? Am I supposed to be cheering for these two to hook up eventually, Bungie? Because before this I had to listen to him groveling to her about how he could make things up to her - like he’s the problem here and not her seeing him as Uldren.

I LOVE the idea that some people can’t let it go but like we’re really doing this this late in the game with the Witness up in our asses? And then trying to have HIM chase her? Nooooo thank you. I kept wishing for Crow to appear in content again but now I’m regretting it lmao. It’s souring the seasonal story for me a bit, honestly. I’m not really looking forward to how this is gonna inevitably blow up, OR, worse: Amanda ‘takes him back’ after some more groveling on his end. It just isn’t fun to watch, at all.

On a more positive note I am elated Devrim is back and has a beautiful new title that keeps him relevant! Queensguard! I also found out he’s gay and it gives me life seeing all the queer folk in this game. :) I wish little babygay me knew how gay this game was going to be back when I had first bought it because I was still with my shit ex, I think it would’ve launched me out of the closet a bit faster lmao

I’m gonna probably add more later as I’m at work and have been darting between this and work for the past couple of hours. I want to add some more on Caiatl and the environmental storytelling of Neomuna. 

[murfpersonalblog]

All of this. It was 100% deliberate. The show's all about power imbalances, and how much Louis was deluded by Lestat AND and deluded himself about them being "equals in the quiet dark." Lestat WASHED Louis, it wasn't even close. But it's the same way all the other white men have BEEN brutalizing Louis this whole show! That's the whole POINT that AMC's been telling us from the start.

From Louis being called the n-word by the Alderman in his own business; to the Irishman Finn O'Shea stealing Louis' money to open up that dirty "supper club" that stole his customers & burning down the Azalea while pointing & laughing in Louis' face; to the lawyer slapping Louis' face dabbling in f*kery; to the segregated French Opera House where Louis had to be the valet/servant; to the systemic racism of Jim Crow and the ordinances that shut down the Azalea; to the team of racist homophobic white policemen invading Louis' home as Tom smiled & joked in his face; to all Daniel's macroaggressions during the interview. We've BEEN looking at this black body being brutalized by white men each and every episode--be they Irish, French, American, Jewish, etc. They ALL hate and disrespect and brutalize Louis; just as they ALL participated in and benefited off of the slave trade and the lynching, tarring, feathering, and killing of black men. ALL of it should be making you feel uncomfortable and angry and hurt. The ONLY difference with Lestat is that they're married--but they'll NEVER be equals. Unlike white!Louis in the books, AMC!Louis' tragic story isn't that his husband beat him and he lost his daughter--it's that he's a black man in a white world. Ep5's the negro-wakeup call: There hasn't been a single white man that's been on Louis' side, dead or alive, enemy or lover, and he'll keep learning that the hard way in S2.

In Season 2 Louis'll flee to Paris and fall into the heart of French imperialist Europe, where an entire gang of undead French Whites will abduct him and Claudia (just like the slavecatchers did in Africa), put Louis in chains and Claudia on a stage to be oggled by white audiences as HER black body is defiled & brutalized, while Louis is POWERLESS to protect his own family--the systemic emasculation of the black man and black fathers from slavery alllll the way down to the present day.

Then the juiciest twist of the knife comes, when Louis, having turned to Armand for help, slowly dawns on the realization that the brown man he thought was an ALLY was actually in cahoots the entire time. Sure, Armand is also a victim of white imperialism and slavery and exploitation, too, but it's a dog eat dog world. The power imbalance even HE has over Louis shows how MENTAL BRUTALIZATION through gaslighting, hypnosis, omission, obfuscation, and systemic revisionist historicization is just as bad as PHYSICAL BRUTALIZATION--which Armand ALSO participates in--not against Louis, but CLAUDIA, the last of Louis' family.

This is why I LOVE what AMC is doing with race-swapping Louis and Claudia, because it's talking about REAL WORLD PROBLEMS; giving the canonical story beats from the books a whole new diabolical meaning that SHOULD make your blood run cold. Cuz now it's not just white-on-white crimes told in isolation from the romanticized antebellum perspective/voice of the white female author and her all-white cast. Now it IS talking about NOLA's/France's racism, and showing just how futile Louis' quest for power and equality and respect really was; thinking that vampirism was going to help him when it made everything so much worse: he sold his soul to the enemy and got NOTHING but misery and brutality, at every turn.

Could you explain why you are ok with ep 5? I hated seeing, yet again, the battered body of a black character beaten to a pulp by his white partner, especially since such violence never happened between Louis and Lestat in the books. While I know white people can't understand and probably couldn't care less, I'm genuinely curious about your take on this.

Hi Anon!

Okay, first I'm sorry this reply back took the long time it did for me to answer it but, aside from wanting to think on it, RL things got in the way too. And then I also got caught up with some other writing I'm doing. And, as I said, I wanted to think this out before I wrote on it.

Now, first of all, it's actually not true wrt the books that Lestat and Louis never fought before. Someone other than myself has taken screenshots of passages in the book ITWV where such fights have happened. So I do not believe that it was out of character at all for them to have even had a fight in such a way, as such things did happen in the books. (And honestly, I didn't think it was OOC for Lestat at the time it happened before people started posting screenshots of the passages in the book that showed them fighting).

What has upset people is how visceral and beaten Louis looked by the end of that fight. (And no one is wrong for feeling that way if they do/did). It is disturbing to see a black man beaten in such a way by his white partner. And I actually don't think the writers were completely unaware of that imagery when they did this either. Not when you take into account the other pointed underlying racial dynamics the show did and highlighted throughout the season, before and after that episode. (From basically all of EP3, to Claudia mocking Louis telepathically with the "massa" talk in EP6.) So no, I do not think they were at all ignorant of the loaded racial imagery in EP5 after that fight.

And whether some views can forgive Lestat for it will be an individual thing, at the end of it all IMO. Some views may never forgive it, and I think that is completely okay. However, for me - and why I not only wasn't that shocked by the fight itself but feel I understand what is going on with it is - is 1.) as said, they did have knock-down fights in the first book, 2.) knowing Lestat does have that level of violence-ability in him as I noted when the episode first aired and 3.) and this is the main point - that there, strategically, some clear missing context going on here wrt that fight.

Because the entirety of that fight never once was told from Louis' POV. Until that moment when Lestat took Louis out into the courtyard and then up into the air, the actual fight itself was all told from Claudia's POV.

And that was clearly a deliberate choice. Not just to highlight what it must have been like for Claudia to witness this but because there is clearly something about that fight that Louis is holding back about. And no, not because he's lying about the fight having happened at all, and him being beaten in such a way. The fight did happen, and Louis did get beaten in the way we saw at the end. Because, again, what we saw of the actual fight was all from Claudia's POV, and Claudia would have no reason to lie about such a thing in her diary, where the account of the fight was clearly taken from.

No, it's because I strongly feel that something was going on during it that I don't think Louis can - even now - really process. And I have a huge suspicion about what it is.

We're now headed into book spoiler territory and I don't know how much you might want those, so I'm going to stop with that here. All I will say is that the pauses in the fight when we heard Lestat's voice talking are very, very important, particularly when it comes to what he's saying.

Part of this, and that fight, has to do with the very nature of what Lestat and Louis, and Claudia all are as vampires. Again, I'm really trying not to spoil anything here, because I suspect the show might reveal some of this in Season 2, particularly wrt Paris and the Theater Coven.

Though I don't think the majority of it will be talked about until Season 3 when we finally get Lestat's POV. And it might even be something that carries on over into multiple seasons.

I understand the POV of people who will never be okay with the fight and the imagery it left wrt Louis. But I really do feel the writers didn't do it without one, knowing how it would look, and two, that there is a larger, overall, story arc point going on here which ties into the fact that we are not dealing with human beings here.

This isn't a story about vampires seeking redemption or a way back to humanity. With Rice's vampires, the longer they live, the more apart from humanity they become. That is, overall, one of the things the VC explores here. And they are all going to continue to do some really inhuman things, at least during these earlier parts of the story, towards people they love.

Over time, even as many of them, especially Lestat, learn better how to deal with that nature, particularly towards those they care about and love, those inhuman things about their nature will still be there.

So I think also having that view, understanding that about these characters, as well as everything else I talked about, (including something I strongly feel they are setting up as to why Lestat acted the way he did), goes into my few of that fight and why, when it happened, I honestly wasn't either surprised by it and am okay and want to see where they go from here with it. This is just all, personally, where I'm coming from it with it of course.

[eligaxy]

Wind

☆ℜ𝔢𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔭 : Venti x gn!Reader

☆𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 : near death experience, you’re confused asf about everything, bad writing cause i suck, spoilers for the we will be reunited quest!! And also for venti’s backstory, venti is serious for once (yes it’s a legitimate warning🤚)

☆𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 : Some angst, some fluff? Idk bye🤨

☆𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶 : "It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask." (2.8k words)

♪𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰 : i’m an idiot simp, i did this in one sitting and half asleep, english isnt my first language BLA BLA IM SORRY FOR MY POOR WRITING BUT HAVE THIS

basically you don’t know if you can trust venti or not, head says no, heart screams yes

Also, I was listening to stormterror’s lair ost while writing it, just because its fucking amazing, you might wanna listen to it too

I’m nervous to post this?/&:! This is the second fic i’ve ever finished in my whole life

i love venti and he’s hot in his god outfit i don’t make the rules

KAY ENJOY <3

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

Saying you were exhausted would have been an understatement. After reuniting with your sibling, you had been frantically searching for clues about khaenri'ah and ways to Inazuma. With no luck, you couldn't find any traces of Dainsleif or of your twin. The ruins had been sealed and you had no idea what happened to the inverted statue or the corpse you had found there. Desperately, you clung into every little information you had, you would have turned every rock on this archon damned continent if you had to, which is what led you into those ruins near Guilli plains.

Walking along the destroyed buildings your eyes caught sight of a dandelion and you froze. You missed them so much, why couldn't they go back home with you? All you ever wanted was to be by their side why, why were they running away from you?

You remembered your travels, the moments you shared together, their protectiveness over you, the fondness in their eyes when you smiled at them. You remember the times you got hurt and healed one another with your now missing powers. You remember sleeping by their side and being grateful to the universe to let you keep your ray of sunshine everywhere with you. How ironic.

What had they meant 'once you reach the end of your journey' ? What does that even mean? Stupid twin, if they knew you were here the whole time, why hadn't they come to you? Why were they always leaving just when they were within your grasp? Why? Did they know how much you missed them and how much your heart broke when you finally saw them? Did they?

You only realized you were crying when a small gust of wind had your wet cheek react to the cold, breaking your train of thought. Wind.

The wind is everywhere, you think, free as a bird, always accompanying every citizen of this world, never truly alone. With this in mind, you resumed your exploring, slower this time.

A sigh escaped your mouth. You didn't want to admit it, but the wind did comfort you a little. Almost as if he was here. God of freedom and of the breeze, he was more a singer than a protector and you couldn't bear to think about him. Was it true? What Dain said... Did he destroy this nation? Was he the cause of the scenery that still haunted your nightmares up until 500 years later? Your brain simply couldn't accept that Venti, your Venti, you catch yourself thinking, could have made such an act of wrath. He was the epitome of freedom, why would he take the very thing he based all of his existence on from mere mortals? Barbatos simply couldn't be afraid of being overpowered, he didn't even care about power. All he wanted was freedom and happiness for his people. Surley this couldn't be right?

But then again, who were you to deny the wipe out of an entire nation? The gods did it. They were afraid that Celestia would be overthrown by the pride of humankind, the destruction of khaenri'ah by divine beings was a fact. There was no misunderstanding about this. That was the one thing you were sure of. So why did you feel like crying even more now?

The mere thought of a gentle soul such as Venti committing innocent people to an eternity of suffering didn't sit right with you. Even when his dearest friend Dvalin had turned against him, he didn't try to stop him, didn't even ask the dragon to save him. He healed and helped him, gave him a choice.

'What is freedom if demanded of you by a god?' was the same person that asked this question the same one who committed mass murder? Genocide?

Did the little wine-lover bard you had grown fond of destroy all hopes and light your kin had?

You remember that night when he freed Stanley from his burden, freed his and his friends' spirits. You had marveled at his action, in that instant he was a god, and he definitely hadn't struck you as a murderer. You remember that look of silent pain and grief in his eyes when he sang the tales of the nameless bard he had taken the appearance of. You knew he trusted you enough to share his story, something so personal, you could almost feel the war that took down the tyrant of Mond. Oh how much you cherished that evening, treating him to some well deserved dandelion wine afterwards, his favorite, and asking him to sing you more about the time where was nothing but the spirit of a breeze.

Your heart broke a little, remembering his rosy cheeks and drunk smile, you wish you could talk to him, ask him what happened. What did he do, was he really as dangerous as you had been told? If so, then why did you feel so good around him? Why did you feel like you could give hi-

You stopped walking upon seeing a ruin guard up ahead in the distance. You're so stupid, you think. Feeling this way is not gonna get you anywhere, especially with how the bard had been missing for a few weeks now. Ever since you had last seen your sibling.

Where was he, where was he wandering off to? You walk towards the disabled ruin guard, not really paying any mind to it, still thinking about the god you longed to meet with. If you could see him, what would you even say? Would he even answer your questions? Why did your stomach feel so light and funny when you thought about seeing him, why aren't you angrier?

You're almost at the killing machine's level now, so lost in your thought you don't notice the five other similar robots hidden behind a wall next to it. You notice them only when it's too late and you've already turned them on while thinking about examining them and collecting their serial numbers. When you hear the familiar tick of the mechanism turning on, you internally panic and think about running away only to calm down moments later and think to yourself that you can simply beat it and take what you came here for. Even if you are emotionally and physically tired, you can manage, you think.

That was before hearing five other consecutive ticks right after it, and all around you.

Turning around, your gaze falls upon the small army of field tillers. Fuck.

Paimon wasn't with you today, you had asked for some time alone which she hesitantly accepted, so you couldn't ask her to go fetch help. You would have been worried if you had all your capacities but with the state you were in, you were wondering how you were going to survive this fight. You were alone, none of your companions with you, and deeply weakened by the busy day you had and the few hours of sleep you had managed to steal away from the night. Was it today you would meet your doom, with all your questions and uncertainties unanswered?

You tried your best to fight with the strength you had left, but quickly grew desperate after what felt like hours of efforts to swing your blade and being able to only take one monster down out of the six. It didn't help that you got injured along the way, their blows becoming harder and harder to dodge. After being thrown on the grown for the third time, you understood you had at least two broken ribs and that your shaking legs would soon fail you as well.

Fear crept upon you, you would die here today, alone. Alone. You couldn't talk to your sibling after all, couldn't understand. You didn't even get to talk to him one last time. Him... You would die without the knowledge of the truth about your bard. You would die alone. You didn't want that, you couldn't look death straight in the eye.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

-

In Mondstadt, there was a musician, a weird singer everyone had heard about at least once. He lived off of his songs and was mostly known for having a great story-telling and being an alcoholic.

The number of people who knew the true nature of his identity were few and he was perfectly content with that. He didn't wish to be a god anymore, his gnosis had been taken away anyway and it's not like he had any power over the city of wind nowadays. Even if his people still worshipped him as Barbatos, it didn't sit right with him to be called a god anymore. It actually never did, he thinks to himself with a smile, he never really took any responsibilities that came with the divine title which is why he was so weak today. But it didn't matter to him, his smile turns into a soft giggle.

Sitting on a mill that was once born from his steps he looks fondly over the city he founded. Even if they were godless, the citizens were still thriving and free. He cared oh so very deeply about the place even if he rarely, if not never, showed the affection within his heart. He remembers the day he grew strong enough to dispel the storms over his actual Mondstadt, and made the weather gentle enough so that there was no need for fireplaces. Nowadays, he loves watching birds nest into the chimney tops and seeing them found their own home. It gave him a sense of belonging like no other, not above his people, but walking among them and watching them nest into this cocoon he created. He was proud of what happened to his land and would do it all over again if he had to.

Especially since it led to him meeting you. This thought doesn't catch him off guard, you often roamed around in his mind after all, and it's not like he didn't write at least three songs about you and your feat, your smile, your courage...

Ah there he goes again, rambling about you in a whisper. He turns around to the statue of him his people erected in his honor, chuckling at how they never made the connection with his signature braids. His, but not really his, since he had stolen this form from someone who was much more deserving of this power than him. Seeing his friend being honored with the statues of the seven around the land made him happy, he hoped that it was a good enough thank you gift in return for everything that the bard whom he couldn't even remember the name of anymore did for him.

Upon gazing at the statue, he remembered telling you of his long gone friend. It was the first time he had talked about him to someone else, he didn't even mention it to Venessa, she who made him believe in himself again. He could ask himself why, but he simply knew that you had something different, more than meets the eye. Perhaps it was because you weren't from Teyvat, or perhaps it was just you being as simple as your natural self but he was simply and utterly captivated by your being. You inspired him to no end, at first he thought it was because he had never met someone like you and he loved new things! But as time grew and he got to know you, he understood quickly the meaning and depth of his passions. He thought of it with a light chuckle, content with your presence alone. He really did need and want you around.

So why did he purposely avoid you like the plague?

The wind had brought to his ears that you had met with Dainsleif.

And your twin.

His first reaction was to search for you, talk to you, he wanted to be here to know what happened! You had searched so long, he couldn't contain himself, still listening to what the wind told him, he started running with excitement but... But wait, Dainsleif was... He told you what?

Oh.

So you heard about Khaenri'ah. He had stopped dead in his tracks and turned back, only sending a warm current of wind your way, hugging you from afar.

He wasn't ready to talk about this yet, not ready to face you and absolutely not ready to answer your questions. He was a coward, he thought, running away like that but what else could he do, really. It was only natural for him to be as uncatchable as air.

A sorry excuse to avoid the fact that even if his past had marvelous story like the one of the nameless bard, it also had its share of darkness, something he wasn't ready to dive back into. Especially not now when your arrival has been shaking this world up like it hasn't been since at least 500 years.

But oh, how he longed to see your face or to hear your voice. So he asked a breeze to report to him what you were up to, and where you were. Just in case! he tells himself, what if you needed help ehe? But he knows you're competent and you won't need the help of a weakling coward like him anytime soon. Or so he thought.

Because when the breeze only gives him a few words back, his blood runs cold.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

-

As you murmured these words in your desperate state, not really for anyone but yourself as a last resort, a prayer of some sort, you tried to stand by leaning yourself on your sword and failing miserably. You didn't dare look up as you heard the loud footsteps of the metal giants coming your way. It was over, and you barely managed to accept it.

As you rested your forehead against the cold handle of your sword, you closed your eyes, tears starting to make their ways out of your closed eyelids. All you could feel was remorse.

A soft breeze moved your hair slightly and your chest felt like a black hole had taken place where your heart used to be, regretting to not have been able to meet him under the tree at Windrise one last time.

The breeze quickly grew stronger, until it felt unnatural and you looked up from the ground, only to close your eyes again immediately when you realized the wind was too powerful for you to keep them open. If you had struggled to see though, you would have been blinded by the white light that soon illuminated the whole ruins. You didn't have enough time to register the situation when you felt a hand being laid atop your shoulder, snaking around your collarbones and pulling you back into... nothing? Another arm circled your weak form and a voice you immediately recognized said

"I've dealt with things worse than you, now crumble."

You realized that if you couldn't feel a chest behind you while still being embraced by his arms, it was because he was floating above you, and not standing behind you. A look in his direction confirmed your suspicions but what stunned you wasn't the fact that he was flying, but the attire he wore. Barely covering his body, a white set made of materials that seemed like clouds and liquid gold contrasted perfectly with his regular green clothes. His hair was glowing green and his eyes that were focused on the ruin guards up ahead had a marvelous shine that you had never seen before. He had that same aura he did the night he freed Stanley, but there was also something different about the way his hands gripped you a little too tightly or the way his voice sounded.

"Venti.." You muttered his name, relief and affection flooding you all at once, in his presence you felt as if nothing bad could happen to you. How foolish could you be, just a few hours ago you were speculating wether or not he had wiped out an entire civilisation and now here you were, being saved by him and feeling safer than you had in months.

"Close your eyes, I don't want give you a headache" he said, slowly floating legs first towards the ground. His unusually serious voice surprised you (and him) but you did as he told you. Letting go of your sword and leaning back into him, you let him deal with the monsters ahead of you.

"It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask."

Being protected by a god really didn't feel that bad. Especially when you were in love with said god.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Thank you so much for reading whatever this is until the end :’)

Don’t hesitate to comment or reblog, tysm <3

Ps: venti loves u and so do i do pls take care of urself mwah

[sniper-childe]

Hello! I’d like to share some of my notes if I were to Beta-read the most recent Archon Quest. I will be going through what worked, what could be taken out, and what could’ve been better. Note that I’m looking at this through an editor’s lens so I’m going to try NOT to change the plot we were given no matter what my opinions are about it BUT some of the said opinions may slip out.

Also, a bit of a disclaimer: I know that Genshin isn’t an actual literary work but miHoYo is known for its writers’ great storytelling and I’ve always loved their work so it really came as a surprise as to what happened to the mess that is Inazuma Act 3. So yeah.

Contains:

1. What was foreshadowed about the characters and why the payoff of their portrayals felt cheap.

a. About Kokomi and the rebellion.

b. About the Fatui, the James Bond villain wannabe.

c. About Ei and the Raiden Shogun.

2. How Chapter 2, Act 3 could have been the turning point that would have us, as the Traveler, cement our perceptions of the Archons and Gods of Celestia OR what I think the death of Signora was supposed to be but was undermined by this one tidbit.

BONUS: I wrote this before Kokomi’s story quest was released but decided to wait for it before posting. And guess what? I think Kokomi’s Story Quest works better as an Archon Quest. At least, some parts of it.

miHoYo teased us this intelligent leader of the resistance that is well-versed in the Art of War. The end of Ch2: Act 2 showed us a powerful Kokomi. So why was she sidelined all throughout the act?

I actually like the idea of the resistance asking the Fatui for aid. But miHoYo chickened out and made it so that they did it unknowingly. To which I say: how? If Kokomi was so smart she should’ve known better. I figured it was the Fatui within a single sentence, so why didn’t Kokomi?

They should’ve stuck with the concept of the underdogs – or in Kokomi’s words, the little fish – of war in an act of desperation. They could’ve shown a calculated Kokomi “making a deal with the devil” and will do anything to win the fight against the Shogunate.

In her Character Teaser, she was willing to burn the enemies’ supplies – to starve the enemy. She can be ruthless, that’s why Kokomi actively giving Delusions to her foot soldiers would have made much more sense to cause the Fatui to be involved rather than the whole “the Fatui orchestrated everything” schtick.

Which brings me to my next point: when did the Fatui turn into a James Bond villain? I hate that trope so much. It’s like the Deus Ex Machina of villainy. It’s lazy. And it doesn’t even fit the Fatui’s modus operandi.

In the prologue, the Abyss Order corrupted Dvalin and the Fatui was just there waiting to steal Barbatos’ gnosis while the Knights are distracted. Morax decided to retire one day so the Fatui swept right in and offered a test of Liyue in exchange for his gnosis.

The last two locations had their own story to tell while the Fatui was just in the background like the opportunistic antagonist that they are.

It also would have been a stronger plotline to have the already set lore – like the tenuous relationship between Watatsumi and Narukami – be the driving force of the Inazuman Civil War.

The prologue and chapter 1 also delivered what we are told we’re going to get in the Story Preview. That’s why they are satisfying. However, with chapter 2, the way it ended turned out to be more about the Fatui rather than “what do mortals see of the eternity chased after by their god.”

Sure, we got the consequences of the war in the World Quests and some of it in the second act. But making the Fatui the Big Bad in the end takes value away from the actions of the characters that are supposed to be the main feature of this chapter.

How much of the Eternity the Raiden Shogun is pursuing is directly from Ei? How much of it is its own understanding of eternity, coupled with Ei’s memories, and its own response? How much of it is the Fatui’s influence?

I have to say though, I’m fine with the puppet actually. Believe it or not. I have had kinda figured that out with the weird shifting of emotions in and out of the puppet. And the dead glowing eyes. So kudos to the design and animation team for that foreshadowing.

It was also said that the current Electro Archon lost someone dear to her and, while I didn’t think it was a twin, I did figure that the current Electro Archon wasn’t the real Electro Archon. So the whole Baal and Beelzebul backstory didn’t really surprise me. So I guess that was foreshadowed too? But my friends didn’t feel the same way so I don’t know. I’m not touching that.

But I do agree that all of the new lore got info-dumped to us by Yae rather than have us find out about them. To be honest, I would have wanted the backstory of Ei to be in her story quest rather than it be in the Archon Quest. A World Quest could work too.

I just feel like the 2.1 Archon Quest ended up cramming so many themes and subplots when it should’ve been focusing on what was promised: the darkness that is brought by their god.

They already had set up the Visions are people’s motivations/ambitions and that taking them away also takes away their agency.

Then they could’ve played with the idea of the people of Watatsumi looking up to Kokomi as their pseudo-god in-place of Orobashi and so with her actively giving Delusions could fit well in the said theme.

They could’ve made Ei and Kokomi character foils of each other and have the final showdown be about them.

And then it’ll all, of course, end up with the people of Inazuma learning how to work without their “gods” or something like that, which is the overarching theme of the whole series if you think about it.

But as I said, my opinions about the plot shouldn’t matter and I’m only here to make what was already written better.

So let’s talk about something that the puppet has done which didn’t make any sense on the surface level but could’ve been clever if it was done right. Killing La Signora.

Okay. So there is a pivotal moment at the end of the first arc of a three-act story where the main character experiences something that will leave them no choice but to move forward. This usually is a physical thing like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. But it can also be a mental or emotional situation.

Over at Honkai, the first arc ended with the death of a beloved mentor and a shattered world (both external and internal). The characters had no choice but to step up and “to stay alive, bravely” (yes, I won’t stop using this line ever). It was so very well done and even after so many years it still hurt no matter how many times you reread/rewatch the scene.

This reread value is what shows how much a twist is well written.

And that is what miHoYo is known for. So I had high expectations with the plot twist (technically this pivotal moment is called a plot twist because it twists the feel and/or pace of the story). Chapter 2 is the perfect spot to end the first act of a seven-chaptered story. So I’m really preparing myself for the inevitable twist.

But then we ended up with Signora’s death.

Okay. So. They could have used that to show us, as the traveler, how Archons and Celestial beings are unfeeling and not to be trusted. We were told this repeatedly by Dainsleiff and by the Abyss Twin. But it is only textbook writing 101 to show NOT tell.

And Signora’s death could have been this portrayal. Although, to be honest, it would have been more impactful if the one who died is a friend of the Traveler.

Them seeing someone die at the hands of an Archon could have their idea of gods shift. Because there is no turning back once you see the proof right in front of your eyes.

But instead, the puppet did it. So what was the point of Signora’s death if not just a power demonstration? We already knew that the Raiden Shogun is powerful. So why did Signora have to die?

Sure, one can argue that the puppet was enacting the Ei’s will so maybe there was a point. But! In Ei’s story quest, we were told that the puppet would have no hesitation when it comes to killing whereas Ei can show mercy.

Which begs, again, the question: how much of the Raiden Shogun’s actions is a reflection of Ei’s will, and how much of it is a logic response of an artificial intelligence from Ei’s memories?

Honestly? I don’t like that they killed off Signora. It doesn’t feel right. I would’ve taken Beidou’s death over Signora’s no matter how much I love Beidou. There was just no build-up to it and it feels weak. I… didn’t feel anything besides confusion. The anger only came later because of the wasted potential.

But overall, I do think they could’ve made it work if it were actually Ei doing the killing.

--

So I just did Kokomi’s Story Quest and man. The soldiers wanting to continue the war is what they really should have made the motivations of the actual war rather than have it as a post-war response and then have Kokomi fix their mess.

Seriously. While it was really interesting to see the usual trauma response of soldiers who had only known war their whole life, they wasted this idea, man.

Before doing the Archon Quest I had thought that the Watatsumi had a hand on the Vision Hunt Decree. Because if I were a tactician, I would have made something to anger the people of my enemies and have them have their internal issues. And while the Shogunate is weak, that’s when I will strike and claim Inazuma for my people and my god.

Then Orobashi will rise once more.

Yep.

Obviously, I really wanted Kokomi to be a more active character in the Archon Quest.

Anyways. If you reached the end, thank you for reading this ~1.5k words of musings. Tell me what you think. Or don’t. You do you.

[pot-of-terv]

Disclaimer: This starts soft but very quickly goes to a place I did NOT expect it to go so, just, be prepared. I guess there were some things my muse just couldn’t leave untouched :_D There’s also an additional drawing in there somewhere among the text. The ending is kind of a cliffhanger (dun dun duuun... part three is coming!!) but it’s happy (hurt/comfort y’all, MY BRAND)!

Also I have to say- oh my goodness this ended up having over 2,000 words and I’ve never written a fic this long! This feels pretty amazing but also, very scary, because as you know I’m a Finn so English is not my first language and this far I’ve stuck to just writing itty bitty things. Writing a story with multiple parts is also new to me, so wow, actually, thank you PuzzleJune for making me challenge myself in fresh and exciting ways 🥺

tw: breakdown

PuzzleJune2021, Week Two: Space (Quiet)

It is mesmerising. Intoxicating, even, Atem muses as he reaches up to rub his own sleep-soft face, eyes never leaving the still sleeping figure beside him. He shifts to lay on his side, slowly, with deliberate movements, trying to not disturb the quiet of the early morning.

Watching him sleep like this... I can feel the bed move when he moves and his warmth whenever he's close enough. I never had that before, he thinks and his heart clenches. I have it now.

Yuugi snorts in his sleep and Atem can't help but smile. That boy... no, that young man, has been through so much, too much, and yet he still sleeps so soundly. It's nothing short of incredible and the pharaoh wonders if he's ever met anyone more deserving of respect and admiration. Their journey thus far has only lasted for a couple of years and during that short time, the former spirit of the Millenium Puzzle has had the first-row seat to witnessing Yuugi's strength, his growth - how he slowly but surely had begun to trust himself.

Atem turns his gaze away from Yuugi and mulls over that thought. It hurts him somewhere deep in his core to remember how little worth Yuugi had seen in himself during those first months after Atem's consciousness awakened. He touches his chest where his heart is and leaves his hand there, feeling the slow rhythm beating under his palm.

That feeling of self-doubt could as well be his own, for he did think he was Yuugi for a while back then. It's a troubling realisation and he frowns at the ceiling. Despite not having any memories, how many of those insecurities had been Atem's own that he subconsciously reflected towards Yuugi's heart and by doing so unknowingly meddled with Yuugi's self-image as a whole? Objectively he knows that his emergence helped Yuugi gain confidence even though he didn't remember those first few times Atem took his place, but subjectively...? Atem's brows knit tighter together and he balls the hand that rests on his chest into a fist.

To call these thoughts troubling is an understatement. Suddenly Atem feels uncomfortably restless, he can't keep still, he needs space, he has to move. But moving would mean leaving the warm blankets and the even warmer form next to him and risk waking him in the process.

His chest feels so tight and it aches in a way Atem hasn't felt in millennia and he squeezes his eyes shut, holds his breath and with one swift movement pushes the blankets off of himself, sits up and rolls to the side to plant his feet onto the floor. The wood is cool under the bare soles of his feet and that sudden feeling makes him pause for a moment. He releases the breath he was holding.

It's almost funny how he already feels better. He glances over his shoulder to see if he had woken Yuugi up but the other youth seems undisturbed, still fast asleep. Relieved, Atem stands up... and doesn't know what to do. It's still practically night time and the house is silent. Mama Mutou and Grandpa will be getting up in one to two hours and Yuugi much later than that if his previous findings are to be trusted. Normally he would happily snooze the morning away with Yuugi but he doesn't want to go back to bed, the restlessness still buzzing under his skin even though that unpleasant tightness in his chest has ebbed and is now just a nuisance instead of actual, painful anxiety.

He turns around to face the bed so he can take another look at Yuugi, properly. A glance wasn't enough. Will never be enough, he realises all of a sudden. I want to be looking at Yuugi, and only Yuugi, forever. How can his heart feel so big and full but so small at the same time?

Atem is overwhelmed, not yet used to the absolute link between his feelings and his physical senses, and he lifts his hand once more to his chest, almost desperately grasping his shirt and pressing his fist against his heart, to feel the beat of it, and the warmth of his body.

He has this body now and he should be so, so thankful for it, but at this moment he can only feel guilt. He loves Yuugi but has still put him through so much and he knows, oh how he knows, that the trip to Egypt broke him. Atem had felt Yuugi mourn him weeks beforehand, felt his grief he so valiantly tried to conceal - too bad their bond at that point was the strongest it had ever been and Atem knew. It took everything in him to keep on going, to keep on telling himself that this was the right thing to do, this was how he could repay Yuugi's kindness and let him go on with his life, let him be free. He had heard the modern phrase “if you love them let them go”, and wouldn't that have been so grand? To prove his love in such a poetic, profound way?

All that in spite of Yuugi's feelings screaming at him that to be separated was the last thing he wanted.

Atem chuckles, a bitter taste in his mouth. Despite having shared such an extraordinary bond, communication had never been their strongest point, duels usually excluded, and talking about their feelings was not an exception. Still isn’t. They both had just kept on doing what they thought was the best for the other and in the process ended up wounding each other in ways that Atem isn't sure he can ever truly understand. Yesterday he had come down to the kitchen to find Yuugi folding laundry, eyes puffy and red, yet when he talked he sounded so happy. Atem had left it at that because there's nothing he could do when confronted by that smile that can put even the Sun in shade.

Slowly he realises that he's been staring at his partner for such a long time that it must be bordering on creepy. How did he get here from that warmth he first woke up to, from that love he so deeply feels for Yuugi? Why hasn’t he thought about these things before? It's like all he has in his head are questions with no answers to calm his mind. It's only been a week since... since it all should've ended, but didn't, all because of Atem's selfishness. Selfishness... and love. His own heart had broken when his life points counted down to zero and he saw the utter hopelessness he felt surface in his heart reflected right back at him on Yuugi's face. The memory of it is still so strong that he has to grit his teeth together to keep his jaw from trembling.

He hadn’t been able to stand that expression, to stand the knowledge that he was the cause of it. He wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t good enough. The pride he had felt toward Yuugi's skill was completely overshadowed by the grief that hit him in waves, his legs feeling like lead as he slowly walked to Yuugi, his own voice distant to his ears as he offered words of consolation and praise. Empty words, they were, he knew it then and he knows it now. How could he ever leave this person who had gone through so much for him, because of him, who had loved him so fully, who had risked it all to be there for him in his quest to regain his memories even when knowing that the price for that would be too steep to consider if Yuugi ever stopped to do that?

Atem had never wanted to leave. He had learned to live again, to have friends, and grow as a person, no matter how minuscule that growth might have been. Yuugi had been him and then Yuugi had become his world. There's no other way to explain it. As much as Atem had longed for his memories, for those people he loved and lost all those thousands of years ago, he couldn't bear the thought of losing another family. Even when the prize would be to regain his first one. 

But he had to. He had thought he had to.

Yet when he was just about to take the last step, he had faltered. Had wondered - does it have to be this way? What if there's another choice he could make?

And the gods had answered him. He didn't have to beg, he didn't have to fight, he just had to ask.

Just ask.

It had been so simple, in the end, so effortless. Of course, Atem asked for that third choice - or didn't really even ask, he didn't dare, he wished for it, his heart on the verge of breaking a second time. He had been painfully aware of his friends behind him, holding their breaths, waiting for the end. Atem felt their feelings wrap around him like a cloak and he bore the weight of it, accepted it, as he couldn't quite believe that it would be that easy to stay. So he had wished.

And that wish had been granted.

And now he is here.

Standing in the middle of the floor in Yuugi's room while Yuugi sleeps, hands closed into fists, both grasping his shirt now, holding back tears that threaten to spill forth. Wondering why did he even put Yuugi through all that, when in the end, it was for nothing? Oh, he thinks, oh, how it hurts. His own shortcomings, his own pain, the pain that he had caused others. Especially the pain that he had caused Yuugi. He hadn’t deserved it, he never deserved something so cruel and insincere as Atem's decision to leave had been.

A sob wrangles itself up and out of his mouth, he's not able to stop it in time and that breaks his resolve. He sways on his feet as tears force their way out and streak his cheeks, fall into his shirt and seep into the fabric as he hiccups and tries half-heartedly to stop it. He shouldn't be crying, not after everything he’s done. He doesn’t deserve to feel so sorry for himself - he should be the one to take responsibility, to carry that burden without a hitch. But, the thing is… at this moment, he’s no longer the prince-then-pharaoh from 3000 years ago. He’s no longer the amnesiac spirit occupying the Puzzle. He’s not the King of Games.

At this moment, he’s just a 16-year-old boy who is desperately trying to deal with every responsibility he’s imagined are only his to bear and failing spectacularly. So he cries, and cries, and he can no longer see with how blurry his eyes have gone. He prays Yuugi won't wake up to it, he just has to suffer through it and he'll be fine. Crying is fine, actually. He would laugh at himself if he could - aren't tears an actual luxury, after all? He wasn't able to cry his own tears with his own body before, but now he can.

There's a hand on his shoulder and Atem's heart drops into his stomach - oh no, now he's woken up - then another on the other side, then a tug, and Atem follows blindly. He's guided back to the bed and coaxed to sit down where a warm body presses against him and he's enveloped in an embrace.

Atem finds that he can't talk, he tries to draw breath to get the words out but sobs are the only thing he can produce and finally, he hears a voice call his name. It's so soft and warm and loving that Atem somehow feels worse and buries his head into Yuugi’s shoulder, his chest heaving and he almost wails from the struggle of it.

“Shh, other me. Cry it out. It helps. I know.”

He listens to Yuugi and does just that. It’s not easy to give up the reins but with Yuugi by his side, he finds the will to allow himself to succumb. He clutches his partner's shirt, holds him and is held in return, and lets himself cry. Lets his tears come like he's never done before and faced with the force of them, he feels like there's no end to it.

But there is an end. After a period of time that feels like an eternity, his sobs subside, his tears slow down, and he feels like he can finally loosen his hold of Yuugi's shirt to let blood flow into his fingers again. His nose feels snotty and he's sure there's no dry spot left on his partner's clothes and somehow that thought makes him laugh.

“See? All better now,” Yuugi murmurs against his temple and presses his lips there. That sign of affection almost makes Atem's eyes well up but he squeezes them shut, refusing to start crying all over again. He feels drained and empty and he's pretty sure he should be ashamed. He had woken Yuugi up and made him comfort him without asking but all he can feel is gratitude. Gratitude and love and endless adoration.

“Aibou,” he sniffles, voice congested and raw. He means to thank him but his throat closes up, yet Yuugi seems to catch his meaning.

“No need,” the shorter of the two says and Atem can feel his smile against his skin, “it's okay. You're okay, we're okay, everything's okay.”

Atem wants to argue but finds no energy for it. And - as he thinks about it, he realises that Yuugi is right.

They're okay.

He wraps his arms properly around Yuugi and squeezes, sighing softly. His mind is comfortably quiet now and he presses his ear against Yuugi's chest, listening to the beat of his heart (his heart's heart?) and feeling his own fall smoothly into the same rhythm. It's natural, it's right.

“I think,” he manages to croak out, “that we need to talk.”

Yuugi holds him closer and nods before pressing his face into Atem’s hair.

“Yeah,” he replies, sounding relieved, “we sure do, other me.”

[cooloddball]

JIB9 (JIBCON 2018) ANALYSIS PART 2

Go read part 1 of jib9 analysis if you haven’t read it already.

Continuing from where we left off...

Misha says no, he doesn’t think that Cas feels like part of the family and Jensen smirks and looks down while Jared smiles

Jensen helps Misha along with his answer 

Jensen defends Sam and Dean after Misha says they don’t show emotion saying things like “I love you so much”

Jens: “There are a few scenes where you know,”

Jared: “Didn’t you see the one with the whole if we die we will do that together too?”

Jens: “Yeah that was emotional”

This is getting serious people. Remember this is season 13 they are talking about.

Jens keeps going on “you know there was embracing, and then there was a lot-I mean…” This whole time Jensen is looking at Misha

Misha is like “All I’m saying…”

And Jensen cuts Misha  off and says, “Did you miss that?”

Look at Jared’s face here though. He’s like are you guys having a lovers’ quarrel? Am I missing something?

Misha tries to talk again but Jensen is adamant, unrelenting to give up on that there was an emotional scene between Dean and Cas. 13x05???  “Were you not there?”

Misha being who he is and not backing down either he says, “NO” rather defiantly. 

Jared’s face here though. He stopped talking and is watching these two lovers go at it. (No, not the sexy kind)

Jensen doesn’t look too thrilled about what Misha said. Jared laughs Jensen is basically done at this point. Look at his face.

Misha continues “That was Castiel”

And Jensen just looks appalled, he raises his eyebrows looks down at his hands [0.43 insert Jensen’s face atm] and since Misha is looking at him and he sees that Jensen is unhappy he adds “I’m very method.”

Jensen goes to say something but stops himself, Jared senses the tension, Misha is still looking at Jensen and Jensen hasn’t looked at Misha since he asked him “were you not there?”

IDK what is going on here but it fees like more than just about Dean and Cas and more like it’s about Jensen and Misha. I mean Jared and Misha are having fun with it and Jensen just seems adamant to prove they care A LOT about Cas which is weird considering the fact that the moment Misha was asked that question Jensen agreed with Jared that they are not as pleased that Cas was back (this was a joke) . So what has changed since then? Only a few seconds have passed.

Jensen presses on, “I mean was Cas there? I know he was there physically but was he there emotionally? Because it doesn’t sound like it.”

The way Misha is holding his microphone he looks scared. Jensen can’t take his eyes off Misha.

Misha says, “see this is what I’m talking about” I think he realizes Jensen is getting too emotional and personal on stage and he decides to guide the conversation to the funny side.

Jensen laughs .

Misha says “ I don’t think he [Cas] lets himself feel worthy or wanted” and Jensen keeps looking at a fixed spot on the floor and I don’t know what’s so interesting there. Jared says “smart” in reference to Misha’s statement and Jensen nods.

Jared tries to make fun but Misha is not having it, he [Misha]  looks at an imaginary watch and says  “That said-uh…that said I think this season he’s felt more part of the team and the family…probably *looks at Jensen* more than ever before” Now I talked about that moment here but I have to reiterate, something is off here tbh. I don’t know what was going on with Jensen but something was definitely off.

I have been thinking about what the causation of Jensen’ s behaviour could be and I have come to a very weird and maybe kind of controversial conclusion, IDK. But  here’s what I think. Maybe Misha finally told Jensen that he didn’t feel like he was part of the family because of the way they treated him and talked shit about him at J2 panels? Like how he pretended to gag when he saw Misha on screen during the jib9 j2 panel the previous day. Or the extreme pranks Jared played on him and Jensen just stood aside? The way some  j2 fans send hate to him and that it gets to him. Maybe he finally opened up. Because if that is the case then,  Jensen blamed himself for making Misha feel like that when he didn’t have any intention to? I hope I’m making sense. Or maybe it could be something else entirely but I feel like since 2017 Jensen had stopped going along with Jared’s attempts to make fun of Misha at their panes. So maybe this was him feeling bad that he ever played a part in that??? Okay my head hurts I have to move on. 

Since that moment Jensen doesn’t look okay, even when Mishalecki are bantering with the next fan, Jensen just seems sad? Sad is not the right word but he seems kind of upset 

So the fan makes a small mistake in what she’s asking and Misha laughs  then Jensen turns to look at him for a brief second, it’s literally for a second and Misha looks at him with his big blue eyes but Jensen looks away rather quickly. I think they can both feel the weight of the previous answer Misha gave simmering beneath the surface but they can’t talk about it atm. 

Now Jared says something rather weird to me, “A man who goes to sleep with an itchy butt wakes up with a smelly hand.”   (I know it’s a saying or whatever but it’s just a strange thing to say or maybe it’s just me) Jensen is nodding along to that but Misha doesn’t look amused. I think it’s an interesting thing to say when two of your best friends who play with each other’s butts are seated on stage with you. I’m not sorry I said that because it had to be said.

For a literal microsecond, Misha looks at Jensen but Jensen is looking at a fixed spot on the floor as has become norm in the last 2 minutes. Mish suppresses a smile because he knows Jensen still feels bad about earlier.

Jared says that’s why he thinks the brother’s and Cas have to die in order for the show to end and Jensen’s face is just stoic. Dude wtf?? 

Jensen joins in the banter and makes a joke about a man who stands on a toilet while high on pot he’s not crazy he’s just high? J2 make another joke about a man going backwards to Bangkok or something. Misha manages to laugh at those jokes.

Jared asks Misha  if he has anything to add and Jensen looks at Misha smiling look at the way he’s looking at Misha. It’s like he wants to stuff him in his pocket and take him home with him.

Jensen is laughing so hard now because Misha says that the only sayings that come to mind are the only ones he doesn’t want to say.

They try to pronounce the German word and it’s hilarious AF.

So Jared makes a joke of a sound that the fan is helping them pronounce and Jensen is just done. Completely done because he looks away and scratches his beard like he wants to be anywhere but there. JFC What is going on? He was happy again.

OMG husbands whispering at each other while Jared is engaged with a fan. Gossipy Jensen. Also I’m glad whatever tension was there after the Cas question is finally gone and they are back on track again.

They are in there own little world because IDK what Misha whispered to Jensen but Jensen is unicorn laughing. Aww J

 “We just said some really bad shit” I like it when Jensen curses. Now I want to know what they said because when Misha whispers it to Jared, he laughs really hard as well. Oh to be a tiny ant crawling around, listening to their whispered secrets. A girl can dream am I right?

7.33 Jared asks the fan what her “that German/Austrian word” was that morning and I am inclined to think whatever the husbands were whispering to each other had something to do with a sex-related orifice because of the way Jensen reacts.

The fan puts Jared in his place. Look at Jensen’s reaction.

He’s like you go girl.

Jensen wants to whisper something to Misha so bad but he stops himself.

Okay so Jensen says he did bicycle touring and he did take part in some of the quests. Is he talking about GISHWES because he never can pronounce that word. LOL.

So Jared interrupts Jensen starts telling his story and Jensen just shuts down just look at his face the entire time Jared is telling it.

Misha and Jared are talking about how it’s so hot on stage and Jensen is just miming to the fans how it’s not hot. I love when he does that. Naughty boy.

Misha moans and he and Jared just rush off to point the fan in their direction while Jensen just stands over the fan on his side of the stage and cools his balls off.

OMG!!!! Misha is doing the mating dance while making fiery eye contact with Jensen and sips from the bottle. Jensen heeds his husband’s call to mate and walks briskly in long manly steps to wards him and he takes the drink off his hand while looking at him like he wants to eat him [it’s called a mating dance for a reason] and inhales the drink whatever it is and it must be really strong because he looks away and says something to Jared. Misha walks away says something to Jared and goes to sit down.  Jensen starts twerking his booty. Misha your man wants to mate on stage do something. Anyway Jensen pours the drink that Misha had sipped directly from the bottle in a shot glass  and does the rck on sign and sips it. The entire time Mishalecki are just looking at Nesnej and laughing not understanding what is going on.

Jared sniffs the drink and says “poker face” and Jensen says “thanks Lady Gaga” IDK if this was a snide comment or just banter but now we know Jensen listens to Lady Gaga and Katy Perry (re: jib8).

This part is really funny when the fan thanks Misha for sending a recovery message to her friend but Misha says that  he had no choice but to do it because the fan just held out the phone to Misha and Misha was like “oooh, heeey”

I think Jared asks Misha what happened and Misha explains because Jared folds over laughing.

Jared starts talking before Jensen can answer the question and again Jensen doesn’t look too amused. This guy keeps stealing his thunder.

Jensen manages a smile when he hears that Misha did a German accent 

Misha asks Jensen if he wants some tips on accents and Jensen smiles and says no. Ouch. Sorry Mish, your man doesn’t want your help. He’d rather wing it.

Misha is not backing down and compliments Jensen by listing all the accents that Jensen can do. We love a supportive husband. Hype your man Mish.

Jensen says that he speaks French and he has a little have a  tête-à-tête in français. I find it funny how Misha pretends not to know Jensen speaks French yet he just listed all the accents Jensen can do. Sure Jan.  And after the French interaction which Misha adds a flair of a French accent when he talk as and , Jensen tries really hard  not to smile. Someone’s excited. #accent kink ;)

Jensen says he doesn’t think Michael is going to need an accent and Misha says yes he will in French accent and Jensen is just trying really really hard not to smile.

Look at Jared’s face though he’s like dude are you seriously turned on by Misha’s weird accent right now? It’s not even funny and Jensen can’t stop smiling.

Jensen is done with Misha’s shenanigans so he just cuts him off and Misha is exasperated and Jensen proceeds to ask his question.

Fan says she would improve on Misha’s German accent and Misha gasps scandalized and  even Jensen is not happy about that but he takes this moment to make fun of Misha so the comment doesn’t seem as harsh 

Look at Misha’s face

and here is Jensen’s face  he can’t believe someone was mean to his baby.

Anyway, in an attempt to make it less painful for his man he tries to make and joke and says, “I didn’t send that out with the insult in mind but I’m really glad that happened.” 

The joke makes it worse and Misha  doesn’t seem to feel better. Poor Misha.

It’s over.

Time for the closing ceremony

Jensen and Briana singing.

 Misha and Adam

I love their friendship, makes me think of the possibilities that could’ve been between Cas and Mick on the show.

OMG Jensen you naught boy, yeah I see you have experience humping and spanking. Go on Rockstar we love to see it.

Even Jason Mann’s sees Jensen humping the air and Misha and Jensen turn to look at Jason. Jensen is  smirking at him after what he just did. OMG.

The way Jensen is looking at Rob when Rob tries to sing the remaining verses of carry on my wayward son. Jensen you need apple juice. Jensen is me. He is insane and he is me and I love him. JENSENKIN!!!!

Why are Jensen and Misha gravitating towards each other unconsciously? Do their hearts have magnets that pull towards each other?

Speaking of them why does Jensen seem extremely tall here and Misha looks so tiny.

Am I the only one who doesn’t like the guy who played Ketch? OMG he just rubs me off the wrong way.

 OMG is Jared trying to touch Jensen’s hand? Eww He touched Jensen’s arm and Jensen didn’t even look at him. This is embarrassing. Jensen hasn’t looked at him once/ HELP.

Misha and Jensen are standing the same way at the exact same time and they aren’t even looking at each other. OMG!! This is insanity.

Jensen turns to smile at Misha. Aww J

Jensen looks at Misha with a smile on his face when Daniela says they’ll be back the next year the year that gave us straddle gate and boners.

It’s over guys. 

So I have come to the conclusion that something was going on between Jensen and Jared at jib 9.

See you on the next one.

Part 1

[seattlesea]

Why Percabeth Isn’t a Good Ship (Sorry 2x)

I’m definitely getting cancelled- 

1. Annabeth is physically abusive. The fandom makes this point seem controversial and debatable, but it’s really not. The definition of abuse is hitting someone. Annabeth hit Percy. Therefore, Annabeth abused Percy. Is that really that hard to understand? Annabeth hit Percy for the first time in The Titan’s Curse when she, Percy, and Thalia were looking for the di Angelo siblings. She punched him in the gut when he asked her who he should ask to dance with him. Annabeth knows that Percy can be oblivious at times...but punishes him when it benefits her? The second time was in The Mark of Athena, when she judo-flipped him because she missed him. That’s...what?? Usually when people are worried about someone else, they hug or kiss them, not flip them over their shoulder. And yes Annabeth kissed him first, but the judo-flip was completely unnecessary. Annabeth punished Percy for ‘leaving’ her despite him being kidnapped and his memory wiped. And everyone’s like ‘But Percy didn’t feel any pain!!11!!1!’ The chapter wasn’t in his point of view, so that claim is a guess. Just cause he didn’t say ‘Ow’ doesn’t mean he wasn’t in pain. Also- Annabeth slammed him on a stone pavement on his back. That definitely hurts, even if Percy is a demigod, physically strong, and has gotten hurt a lot. There’s a difference between ‘playful hitting’ and actually hurting someone. Yes they trained a lot, but this isn’t training. This is Annabeth punishing Percy for being traumatized with yet another life-threatening quest and being kidnapped. I don’t remember Percy judo-flipping Annabeth after he saw her again when she got kidnapped in TTC. Besides, the Romans were about to take out their weapons when they saw Annabeth attack Percy, so if all of them thought it was an attack...it was most likely an attack. Even Annabeth said herself “I only attack my boyfriend like that”. The thing is, if it was Percy who flipped Annabeth over his shoulder and slammed her on her back or punched her in the gut, all the fans immediately would’ve freaked out and cancelled him, calling him a horrible and abusive boyfriend, but because it’s the girl hitting the guy, it’s fine apparently. Nothing wrong with it, right? And then Riordan (and the fandom) had the audacity to romanticize that abuse. Abuse isn’t a sweet, romantic gesture. Stop making it seem like it is. That’s disgusting. 

2. Annabeth is also verbally abusive and toxic. Annabeth canonically lowered Percy’s self-esteem, constantly insulted him and his intelligence despite knowing he was insecure about it and always getting kicked out of schools and getting bad grades (even with her so-called ‘endearing’ name for him ‘Seaweed Brain’), and the overall idea of Percabeth is a super smart, pretty girl making a guy with below average intelligence feel insecure about himself. Percy’s self-esteem has plummeted since he met Annabeth and her behavior is never called out or even noticed, which implies some manipulation going on. Annabeth is shown to be extremely capable of manipulating her enemies and anyone else she pleases, and there are quite a few signs she’s using it against Percy (his feelings of obligation, fear, and guilt of and over her, questioning himself, having strings attached, always only thinking of her and no one else in his life, etc.), especially since Percy begins to gradually stop noticing Annabeth’s wrong and toxic behavior as the story progresses. 

3. Annabeth only likes Percy cause he’s the chosen one. Annabeth only hung around Percy since The Lightning Thief cause she thought he was ‘the one’ and so she could finally go on a quest. She literally used Percy to go out to the mortal world and ‘prove herself’ cause really, all she cares about is glory, which is shown multiple times throughout the series with all her pride and ambitions. Plus the fact that Chiron made Annabeth swear on the River Styx that she would keep Percy from danger is a pretty clear sign she didn’t stick around him just cause she wanted to, but because she felt obligated to and cause it would benefit her. Take all of this and it’s kind of obvious Annabeth only hung around Percy cause he was the chosen one of the prophecy, a son of one of the Big Three, and was destined to go on multiple quests and play a big part in the mythological world, which is what she always wanted since book one.

4. It was forced. Since the beginning of book one, it was so obvious that Percy and Annabeth were going to get together that their relationship ended up being boring, dull, and flat. Riordan made it so obvious they were going to be a couple that nothing that happened to their relationship really mattered, cause everyone knew it would work out in the end (which is probably why everyone *wrongly* hated on Rachel) so what happened in between didn’t matter. Their relationship was the typical ‘male lead and female lead’, ‘bad boy trouble-maker skater and nerdy good girl’ power couple that was way too clear. And Riordan made it worse by pushing their relationship and shoving it into the readers’ faces way too much. In MoA Annabeth states that she’s always had a crush on Percy (since they were twelve) which immediately rips all the development their relationship (which was supposedly ‘friends to lovers’, but not anymore) had away. Riordan made up a bunch of honestly dumb scenarios that were legit cringe to make Percabeth seem like ‘OTP’ that really didn’t make sense.

5. It ruined their characters. Percy and Annabeth would’ve been way better off as just friends. After they got together in HoO, all their personality and everything else that made them independent was destroyed to make room for more ‘Percabeth’. All of Annabeth’s skills, bravery, intelligence, pride, ferocity, judgmentalism, and all the other traits and flaws that made her a well-written character were never utilized or even mentioned. All she thought about was Percy, and the same goes for him. His loyalty, sarcasm, humor, obliviousness, etc. disappeared to make room for arrogant Annabeth fanboy. In PJO, they were amazingly well-written and great role models for younger readers (especially Annabeth), but in HoO their characters were exclusively ‘Annabeth’s boyfriend’ and ‘Percy’s girlfriend’. Their characters were completely dependent on each other, and they were way better off as just friends. 

6. Annabeth is way too possessive. And creepy. It’s fine and honestly normal for people to get jealous when another person likes someone they do, but Annabeth’s jealousy was downright creepy. Not only did she not know if her feelings for Percy were reciprocated or not, but she also didn’t know if Percy and Rachel liked each other, either. The very first time she met Rachel she immediately hated her. That’s not ‘I’m jealous cause this girl likes the guy I do’, that’s ‘I’m jealous cause the guy I like has another female friend’. She had no reason to believe that Rachel and Percy liked each other and has no say in who they can like, either. She thought that she and Percy absolutely had to be in a relationship and that he couldn’t even have friends with different genitals than him. And remember when Annabeth literally stalked Percy in The Sea of Monsters? Like when she creeped by his window, constantly watched him, and kept tabs on him just cause she ‘couldn’t find the right time’ to tell him something cause he was ‘never alone’ despite him being alone multiple times and despite the fact that she literally could’ve just knocked on his door like a normal person instead of creeping around his cabin and staring at him through the windows? Again- switch the roles. If it was Percy who was stalking Annabeth, everyone would’ve immediately called him a creep. If- according to Tumblr and almost everyone who read Twilight- Edward is a creep for stalking Bella, then Annabeth is a creep for stalking Percy. 

7. It’s mostly fan love. Honestly, the fandom is the only thing that fuels Percabeth. Riordan just destroys it. He shoved it down the readers’ throats, forced it way too much with really dumb and honestly unrealistic scenarios, and made it abusive and toxic. On its own, Percabeth freaking sucks. The fandom’s version of Percabeth is 1000x better than whatever the hell Riordan was doing, but even that version is toxic. Like, I’ve seen way too many jokes about Annabeth hitting Percy (as if abuse is hilarious and amazing meme fuel and not an extremely sensitive topic that triggers multiple people who actually went through it). Half the time, the fandom fixes Percabeth and the other half of the time they over-glorify and ruin it. The fandom over exaggerates and over glorifies it way too much. It’s not that great of a relationship, to be honest. Most of y’all only like it in the first place cause Riordan made it canon.

8. It was cringey. Like I said above, Riordan wrote some really dumb scenes for Percabeth. I mean- the matching gray streaks in their hair despite Atlas and Artemis not getting any? Percy’s tie to the mortal world while bathing in the River Styx being Annabeth and not his mom, Grover, etc.? Percy only remembering Annabeth, the girl he’s only known for four years and not his mom, the only woman who actually cared for and took care of him or Grover, his best friend who protected and continuously cared about him? Percy turning down immortality only for Annabeth and not even bothering to mention the pain of leaving behind his life, friends, family, memories, etc. behind if he accepted it? The romanticized judo-flip? The whole ‘dark-haired rebellious bad boy/nerdy blonde good girl who can be bad’ trope? Even the boring predictability of Percabeth is cringe. 

9. It’s a bad influence on younger readers. Basically the lesson of Percabeth is ‘Once you get a love interest nothing else in your life matters’. Besides that one single scene that took like three lines in The Son of Neptune, Percy never even thought of his own mom, nor did he think about any of his friends or passed allies like his dad, Rachel, Grover, Paul, Silena, Luke, Ethan, Bob/Iapetus, Tyson, Calypso, Charles, Michael (whose death he accidentally caused), Bianca, Zoë, etc. Even when in Tartarus with the curse of the Arai being forced to remember all the people he forgot and feeling guilty about abandoning Bob and Calypso, all he thought about was Annabeth. Even when faced with the man who broke the heart of the girl who sacrificed herself for him, Percy didn’t even think of her, only his jealousy of Jason. Same thing with Annabeth. She never thought about her mom, Luke, Thalia, her step-mom or step-brothers, etc. It was all about Percy. Cause yes, Riordan, that’s exactly the lesson you should teach your younger readers- forget everyone you ever knew the moment you get a partner. Besides that, it also teaches readers that being rude to people who like the same person as you is completely okay cause no one will care and once you start being rude, bitter, and possessive you’ll get exactly what you want (that’s literally what happened, with Annabeth and with Calypso, too). He also teaches that after you get a partner, everything that makes you you will disappear and you’ll be completely dependent on them and nothing in your life will matter, even your own independent life and personality. 

10. The fandom tries to excuse and explain Annabeth’s behavior??? What??? Since when does explaining and excusing hitting people put you in the right again? And the excuses aren’t even good, too! Percabeth fans use-  Annabeth was full of emotions/mad and doesn’t know how to deal with emotions. Annabeth really loved Percy. It was only one time. Annabeth was worried about Percy and mad that she left him. Annabeth didn’t mean to hurt him. Annabeth didn’t know what she was doing cause she was full of emotions. ??? Annabeth was full of emotions/mad and doesn’t know how to deal with emotions- Annabeth was seventeen years old, the daughter of the wisdom goddess, and is supposedly the smartest character in the series who is shown to be extremely good at reading people and their emotions. And y’all are really trying to say she doesn’t know how to deal with her emotions?  Annabeth really loved Percy- SO? A mother might really love her child, does that excuse her for hitting them for dumb reasons? It was only one time- actually, it was twice, and so what? If someone was slapped across the face ‘only one time’, does that mean they weren’t abused? ‘Abuse’ doesn’t mean ‘hit constantly’, it means ‘hit’. If someone was hit, they were abused. Is that really not a known fact in this fandom? Annabeth was worried about Percy and mad that she left him- last time I checked, people didn’t hit others when they were worried about them. If I was worried that my friend was going to get hurt, I wouldn’t hurt them myself. That literally makes no sense. And again- Percy didn’t leave Annabeth. He was kidnapped. Do y’all not know the definition of that, either? Annabeth didn’t mean to hurt him- yes, cause that’s why she decided to flip him over her shoulder, slam him on a stone pavement on his back, and punish him for ‘leaving her’.  Annabeth didn’t know what she was doing cause she was full of emotions- Annabeth??? the daughter of the wisdom goddess??? not knowing what she’s doing??? huh??? I mean, would any of you really, legitimately try to use any of these dumb excuses to excuse a man from hitting his wife? Hopefully not. And if you did, you would immediately get hated on and legit cancelled. So what makes this any different? Also- I see the excuse ‘Annabeth didn’t know Percy lost his Achilles Heel and thought he was still invincible’. Under different circumstances I’d accept that, but Annabeth knew that Percy’s Achilles Heel was on the small of his back...BUT SHE SLAMMED HIM ON HIS BACK. If Percy hadn’t lost the Achilles Heel, Annabeth literally would’ve killed him. Abusive enough for y’all? Or is attempted murder excusable and still ‘OTP’? 

11. They had no chemistry whatsoever. Was I the only one who felt...absolutely no chemistry between Percy and Annabeth? Like some of their moments were cute, their friendship was really good, and they had a lot of potential, but they didn’t feel right for each other. Remember- opposites don’t attract (they just argue, and no one has ‘another half’ that needs to ‘complete them’, everyone is their own person), they cancel each other out. I mean, Reyna and Annabeth had more chemistry in that one chapter of the New Rome tour in MoA than Percy and Annabeth had in 12+ books. They’re just...not right for each other, I guess. 

I’m definitely getting cancelled-

Edit 2: Sorry if I offended anyone with that last note. Just wanted to let y’all know that I am not here to start any drama, hurt anyone, or disrespect any Percabeth shippers. I respect your opinions 100% and only ask you do the same for me. Like I literally only wrote this at 12 am when I was bored and had nothing else to do and couldn’t sleep (same goes for pretty much everything else I write about PJ). Besides, why argue and start drama over dumb stuff like that when we can just find something we agree on? Don’t like Piper McLean? Let’s talk about that. Think Reyna Avila Ramirez-Arellano is a queen? Let’s talk about that. Think Nico di Angelo is freaking amazing? Let’s talk about that. Think Theyna would be adorable? Let’s talk about that. Want someone to vent to about writer’s block? Why the hell not? Want random writing advice and tips for writer’s block? Sure, I got plenty. Instead of arguing and starting beef over trivial fictional ships. 

[bri-notthecheese]

my thoughts on Iki Island:

(spoilers under the cut)

I really loved this DLC! I had nothing but high hopes for this after playing the base game last year (and three more times after that), and Sucker Punch didn’t disappoint. The whole time playing it I felt like it was only adding to my love of the characters and the stories they set up in the base game, and then all the new quests and mechanics added a lot of fresh fun on top of that! 

So where to even begin. 

The opening scene was super cool and a neat way to introduce the new shaman enemies. And despite Yuna only actually being in one scene, it was a delight to see her again. Though since I’m playing the DLC after finishing everything, I don't love the continuity of Yuna not accompanying him, but gameplay wise I knew that wasn’t going to happen anyway, but I just love when she’s with us <3

Went for my horse straight away and I was THRILLED to see that Kaze can now kill enemies and the new charge mechanic was way more fun than I was expecting and I was having too much fun with that. After Nobu, I didn’t expect to get attached the Kaze all that much (even if he continued on into a later game) but I was quickly proved wrong with this because I now kind of separate Nobu as the more gentler of the two, that was always there for me, and while Kaze is too, I like imagining Kaze is a lot younger and his aggressive personality in this really sold that and I like that it probably eases Jin’s worries a bit to see his new horse being able to fend off attacks a bit better. Plus, with his new armor, he’s even safer <3 Really fell more in love with Kaze in this, which I didn’t expect.

Met The Eagle next and had that whole encounter. I love how right away if you pay attention, you know Yuna isn’t Yuna because she’s never once addressed Jin as ‘my lord.’ I think the only time she said it was when she was talking to both him and Shimura at the lighthouse, and it wasn’t because she wanted to. But still, even knowing something was wrong, it’s cute that Jin’s mind went to her as a safe place who he’d have no problem entrusting stories and secrets to, which was obviously the Eagle’s goal. And hearing her voice warp into the Eagle’s was creepyyyy and so good <3  (my Yuna loving ass was sad to realize that was most likely the last time we’d see her, but that’s okay) That next part of the hallucination really got you feeling for Jin, and I couldn’t help but be frustrated that he’s only a child, how was he supposed to help?!?!? 

So I ignored Tenzo’s next mission and explored and pretty much completed the entire island. I got jump scared WAY too many times by her taunts, but I loved how that just added to the direness of the situation. I was obsessed with finding all the hallucinations and it just kept breaking my heart how Jin has all of this pent up guilt/heartache--with Ryuzo (he had so many I found), his father, his uncle, the Khan, Nobu :(, Masako, etc. I honestly had expected to find one regarding Taka and I’m a bit sad that I didn’t. Add those to the memories of his father and the ever-present taunting, I was going through it with Jin <3 At least you can pet the animals for him <3 The little smile he’d get every time was worth it. And the flute playing mechanic was really neat!

The first memory I got was their chat before Kazumasa’s death and honestly that got me all teary because Jin wanted so badly to hear him say he accepted him as his son, but deep down, would he have felt it? And my heart just breaks so much for Jin because as I kept going through the memories, I kept thinking how well 1) his dad sucks, but 2) both father figures kept wanting Jin to be somebody else. And it hurts that he was closer to Shimura’s way of thinking and how we even see that one time that Shimura corrects Jin, that his recitation of what honor means were his father’s words, and gets Jin to say that kindness is what honor means to him and wow. <3 <3 <3 But it hurts knowing their fate too <3 That while Shimura was more of a father to Jin than Kazumasa was, eventually, he couldn’t accept what Jin was doing in their way. Though it does hurt and make you wonder if Shimura was frightened that Jin was turning into his dad...I had that thought many times. (I loved seeing Adachi so much though omg <3 <3 <3) It was very interesting how the song Jin ends up playing for his father at the end of the memories is the ‘Jin Sakai’ theme. And then how that in turn, morphs into ‘The Way of the Ghost’ later on when in the final battle. 

It hurts that Jin had Chiyoko in his life for such a short time. I’m glad he did have Yuriko at least, but all of Jin’s memories on his mother and how she emphasized just living was so prominent, and her love of animals clearly passed to him and that gentleness too. And of instruments. Such softness, and I love that he retains that even as an adult. It makes sense that he doesn’t speak of his mother as often since he has far less experiences with her vs Kazumasa or Shimura, but it was nice to see her influence within him.  

Did this quest near the end of my exploration but I got the BIGGEST smile on my fave when I barged in the house to find the Ghost of Iki Island was Kenji <3 <3 <3 I love this dumbass so much and it was so nice to see a familiar face <3 Plus it let Jin have an actual full laugh when Kenji referred to them both as ‘tough guys’ XD His quests are always enjoyable for me and so I really loved that (though I was also Jin when he’s like “...you didn’t say goodbye.”) but I was happy to see him do the right thing at the end <3 THEN I got to duel the Viper because I diffused the situation instead and that was fun. Love that Jin explains his knowledge of negotiation was learned from all the years with Shimura <3 Also enjoyed spotting Kenji later in the Refuge XD

Really enjoyed all the side quests overall, loved all the animal sanctuaries, and the archery was a TON of fun! Getting the horse armor was neat, seeing Jin actively stop a Mythic retelling, though I was surprised there was no duel for that one. The one for the monkey armor was so creepy, following the lights in the cave, but so damn cinematic and that fight was incredible plus that amor is my new best friend. Seriously omg, the duels in this DLC felt so much beefier than the base game (I was playing on hard so that could be a reason, but the fights didn’t feel this tanky in the base) But that armor just made them a piece of cake if you’re good at perfect parries and perfect dodges <3 <3

Loved the banter and camaraderie between Jin and Tenzo throughout. And I really enjoyed Fune’s character as well! Did the next few story missions and I couldn’t help that sense of foreboding slipping in as I was getting more attached to these characters. Love that they had Kidafure Battlefield on the map but it isn’t till the mission that they tack on the ‘Village’, really hitting home what happened there. 

Maybe I should have been, but I did not see the twist with Tenzo coming at ALL! I physically gasped when he spoke the “May your death benefit all things” to that random Mongol and I was soooo tense, like Jin listen I know he was your dad but also Tenzo spared you. Which I love in the long run how he spared the Butcher’s child only to save him later in life, and Jin could save him and the island in return <3 Because ohhhhhh boy did I get emotional when Jin stopped the Eagle from landing that blow. 

But before that, HER FIGHT IS SO FUCKING COOOOOL!!!!!! SHE IS SO DAMN FAST AND SHE EASILY WIPED THE FLOOR WITH ME THE FIRST TWO TIMES. I also love her references to Khotan and that her moveset with the spear shares some similarities with him.  I tried once more in my Ghost armor (for fashion) and then I switched to the Sarugami armor and was flying through just to have that whole cutscene.

I know culture is different and obviously I can never understand that mindset, but to hear him say to Jin that they both should have died there broke my heart. What kind of a father wants his son’s death with him like that?!?!?!?! But I LOOOOOOVED ‘Honor and Ash’ playing in the background for that scene, as Jin is rejecting what his father may have thought/wanted (just like he did to Shimura with that track at the end of Act 2) and then it moved up a key just to reinforce that Jin is forgiving himself for this and letting go and again, forging his own path just as he did with his uncle. I loved that they used that piece for that pivotal moment...

...JUST TO KICK IT INTO AN EVEN HIGHER GEAR WITH JIN SAVING TENZO AND THE GHOST THEME BLARING IN WITH A KEY CHANGE TO THEN TRIUMPHANTLY FINISH OFF THE EAGLE!!!!! I WAS SO HYPED (and also hoping I wouldn’t die cuz how anti climactic would that have been?!?) but I didn’t and I really enjoyed the resolution between those two. I bowed to him after he bowed to me and I love that they even added dialogue for that if players do decide to do that <3 <3 <3 

The next quest with Fune was sweet, though it felt a little odd to do after defeating the Eagle, but it was sweet nonetheless. I have to finish up some trophy stuff, I guess there’s unseen quests that I’m sure I’ve done a few of, but I have to figure out what I missed. The dueling ring was fun, though that lady was the most difficult for me.

A few things of note:

-I like that in this DLC, you really can’t tell if it’s better to kill or spare Shimura. And how there are lines that could mean slightly different things to Jin depending on what he’s done. I’ve done both and I was on a file where he spared him, but besides a hallucination mentioning the Ghost being hunted for the rest of his days, nothing else pointed to one choice or the other.

-Though a line Jin said to Sugi threw me a bit when he said something along the lines of ‘you’ll never understand how hard it is to kill your family’ and maybe he was referencing his guilt for his father, but I’m like ?????? who else did you kill Jin??? Shimura is fine in this play through XD 

-Talking with her though, I like that Jin described himself as ‘someone who knows what it’s like to be hunted’ :((((((

-Tenzo also made reference to a friend of his being beheaded, but not finding the head till a week later, and asking Jin if he understands that and while the situation is different, I bet Jin’s mind went to Taka :( 

-Loved the subtle storytelling elements with Jin falling into his nightmares during the fight through the Gorge and his resolve disappears each time. The second time it happened, I verbally went “oh my resolve.....oh.”

-I do think Sucker Punch made a lil mistake though because I started thinking about how in Tale 8 of Masako’s quests, I’m almost certain she mentions Jin not understanding her need for revenge or something along those lines, and she talks about Shimura hunting down Kazamasu’s killer for weeks and how Jin had his closure. But uhhhhhh obviously his killer was never found? Or they killed the wrong one? And they didn’t mention it was on Iki Island and obviously didn’t have that foresight that they’d be doing this DLC since he was killed in the snow in the base game and now it was under a wisteria tree, but besides that small thing, I had no complaints! except for always wanting more Yuna

It was so great and I felt it really complemented the base game, especially in regards to everything that Jin feels guilty and responsible for, but also puts his relationship with Shimura is so many new lights that I loooove and I need to talk about more!!! If you read this far, feel free to hmu to chat about it because my best friend who played the base game at the same time I did and screamed with me about it has not played this yet and ahhhhh!!!!!!

[ready-to-obeyme]

[OM!] All Demon Brothers + Undateables as Babysitters (Part 1)

Scenario: For the sake of the exchange program (probably), the entire cast is now in charge of taking care of kids ranging from infants to pre-K children at a daycare with you. Headcanons on what type of babysitter they would be + whatever cute shenanigans that may occur

Note: Baby fever!! Inspiration is the entirety of Gakuen Babysitter/School Babysitter. It is literally the cutest anime I have ever watched in my life and I highly recommend it if you want a cute feels-good, slice of life!! Some of the kids I may have based off of them, but you don’t need to watch it to understand this! :))

why do i always make my headcanons so long

Part 1 has the 7 Demon Brothers

[Part 2] has all five Undateables

--

Lucifer

This was probably Diavolo’s idea so he has no choice but to go along with it, much to his dismay

He already thought humans were fragile, and now they were going to take care of the smaller, younger ones? 

His face scares 90% of the kids on his first day as a babysitter, which kind of hinders his job because every time he tries to help them clean up or change diapers, the kids start crying 

The other 10% who are not intimidated by him claim him to be the Big Bad and play fight with him all the time, and considering his attitude, he’s a pretty perfect villain in their make-belief play so he’s won their hearts IMMEDIATELY 

Generally a pretty strict baby-sitter who is listened to without having to repeat himself; his power and authority is unyielding (and also he’s just plain scary even if he doesn’t mean to be, and lowkey he likes the power he has because the kids remind him of Mammon sometimes) 

It’s honestly a big debate whether he should just give up and ask for help or power through, but if he’s just babysitting with you, pleads with you to please help him because he’s so lost and why do they scream so loud and not that he would ever admit to it, but he is a tiny bit hurt that he can’t seem to have the kids trust him

Once he’s told that he should smile more and speak more gently, he implements it with mixed results (at first), but it’s a significant improvement from the first few days

During a moment of rest, he’s sighing when a baby crawls up to him and sits in his lap without warning, and he’s a goner 

Literally has the hardest time trying to train his face not to look so pleased or happy, but his smile is so soft (and he will not hesitate to kill any of his brothers that see him like that, but for you and the undateables, he’ll just be embarrassed) 

Loves infants and how trusting they are of him despite how scary his face may seem sometimes-- the epitome of unconditional love and he’s just… very tender

Probably ends up being the respected babysitter who’s super cool to all the kids but slightly unapproachable (unless you’re a babyyyy) but eventually climbs the ranks in terms of babysitters because he vouches for them if they do need him

Mammon

The kids have decided that he is the biggest kid on the playground and now to assert dominance, they must beat him up

Which is what they do-- or as much as they can with their tiny fists and miniscule strength and the fact that Mammon is a literal demon

You just stare at Mammon as he cries on the ground, whining at how the kids ganged up on him and you’re just like…. They’re literally <4 years old. 

Despite that part, Mammon gets along with all the kids really well!! 

He talks to them as normal and calls them ‘brats’ but they all know he’s soft for them so they kind of take advantage of that? But only a little bit because they don’t like seeing Mammon cry either

You forget who comfort the other more at this point, the kids or Mammon

Mammon is the best person to call for if the kids want to play around because he’s pretty animated himself and goes along with whatever the kids want to do 

You might have to reign them in a little yourself, because you’re not quite sure Mammon really knows what’s actually dangerous for them

“Mammon, please only carry one kid at a time please, you’re scaring me”

“Huh? You know I can carry all four of them on my head--”

“Please”

Suuuper popular with the kids even though he kept complaining about them to anyone who would listen that he had to look over these tiny humans

But the moment any of the kids ask for his help or do something cute, he’s the FIRST one to go and help because ‘you need the GREAT Mammon’s help? Guess you can’t help it after all…” and he just likes the fact that he feels reliable to these kids

He might… actually save money to buy these kids Christmas gifts?? Will maybe cry if they bring little Valentine's Day candies (that their parents probably told them to give but shhh let him dream)

Leviathan

May or may not be hyperventilating as he hypes himself up to go into the daycare and meet the kids

He tried to brush it off to his brothers that they’re just kids and he doesn’t care if they like him or not because it doesn’t matter to him because he’s just an otaku-- but my god he hopes they like him 

Little does he know, the fact he lets them play on his game consoles (whether or not they actually know how to play) wins them over immediately and breaks the ice

They find him super interesting to talk to and he ends up a pretty popular babysitter because he talks to them like adults (yes, even to the babies) 

Catch him giving a bottle to a baby while talking to them in baby-voice (that he adopts not on purpose) about his favorite TSL season 

One of the biggest reasons why the kids love him is because he really listens to them even though their rants and blabbing doesn’t always make sense

When he does talk about his interests (or it slips out, as it does), the kids are genuinely interested in what he has to say and that’s when his mission to convert all of these kids to watching anime and reading manga started

“Reading manga is going to help them develop reading comprehension!!”

Probably brings his entire stash of (kid-friendly) manga-- probably the magical girl anime with Ruri-chan-- and has the kids dig in 

It does have some negative repercussions because kids aren’t exactly good at handling precious material, so things do rip and break and Levi had to excuse himself to go outside and mourn his lost

But the fire of his mission burns brighter than the sadness over what he has lost (besides, he would never bring limited edition/1st edition things outside his room so these things are replaceable) 

If Halloween rolls around, the kids will exclaim that they want to be [insert character] from TSL or another anime and Levi may shed tears of happiness right there and then

Will make it his side quest to make costumes for ALL the kids-- especially if they can’t afford their own and will encourage them to be whatever they want to be!!!

He’s literally leading an army of newly-created weebs/otakus that look up to him in the daycare and the power he has over these kids is so formidable some of his brothers are actually a little jealous HAHA

Satan

Acts casual about the whole thing and is actually casual about it

He hasn’t necessarily spent much time with kids, but he figures he’d be able to do it-- and he’d be right; considering how natural he is with people in general, I doubt kids would be much different, especially if he talks to them like adults and respects their opinions 

Is definitely the type of babysitter some of the kids end up having a little baby crush on, considering how charming and prince-like he can be with his gentle tone of voice 

Not that he’s perfect-- some kids are just brats and he does get angry at them but he only needed to snap once before the troublemakers all learned not to mess with him

Despite that, he would most likely be the ones to keep an eye on the troublemakers, because it may be a sign of a troubled home (not always, but… well, he would know best, wouldn’t he?) and he’d want to reach out to them if he can help them in any way

What he loves to do with the kids-- and you can probably guess-- is have Story Time!!

The kids are so excited to circle around him before naptime and listen to him read storybooks, doing voice overs and dramatic/animated readings; the kids are so intently listening and giggling at the funny parts

At first, he attempted to bring all his books over to the daycare, but he had to put some back when you tell him these kids are literally three and probably don’t have the reading comprehension required to read Quantum Physics-- so he provides picture books instead; anything he procured from the human world

Really encourages the kids to try their best to read and, if he has the time of day, tries to teach them basic things like the alphabet, how to spell out each words etc (you may call him…. Sensei) 

Adores their imagination too because he knows adults could hardly compare at times and he encourages them to make up their own stories and he’d help them write it down 

Uses a lot of tactic like these to encourage their education and their development-- he loves books and the impact they’ve made on him and he wants these kids to be able to experience the same things

Asmodeus

A little hesitant at first because kids can be super cute and great for pictures but… they can also be super gross and kind of mean; and he’s seen both ends of the spectrum so he’s not really sure what to expect

Then one of the kid compliments his hair clip shyly and shows their own similar hairclip and he’s sold because obviously they have the cutest kids in the world

Hair undone? He’s there

You wanna try out painting nails? Oh hun, he’s got you-- free make-overs for EVERYONE-- except maybe the infants, he doesn’t wanna ruin the natural baby smell and softness they have going for them

He wants to encourage ALL the kids to express themselves so he sometimes brings old clothes he doesn’t wear anymore so they have a fashion show/runways

ALWAYS encourages the kid to wear what they want because gender norms who???

If ANY and I mean ANY parent comes up to him and talk about him letting them wear non-gender conforming clothes he WILL go off on them because they are LITERALLY KIDS-- let them express themselves and have fun

Kinda grossed out by snot and diapers tho so you’re gonna have to help him with that; and since the universe knows that he hates getting dirty, he’s probably the brother most likely to get peed on while changing a diaper

You have to force him back into the daycare after that incident because he refuses to come out of the bathroom after changing into clean clothes 

But he is so captivating that the kids usually don’t cause trouble when he’s around, and also similarly to Levi, he talks and listens to them blabber while he’s doing their hair so it’s always pretty soothing 

Probably ends up in charge of the creativity hour and cooing over everyone’s art project, encouraging them to sprinkle as much glitter as they want, use as many colors as they want-- as long as it makes them happy! 

Beelzebub

Considering he’s the sweetest and physically the strongest, he’s actually pretty concerned about hurting them, and asks you to help him adjust to this new role so that the kids will be okay (you know he’ll be fine, but if saying yes to helping him will make him feel better, you say it)

Beel keeps to himself as a babysitter for the first few-- oh idk-- hours before some of the kids figure out how STRONG he is and he’s the best thing since sliced bread

The kids start to literally hang from him, testing how strong he really is, and are all delighted that he can hold all of them in and from his arms; he’s a little worried he’ll drop them, but since the kids are so excited about it, decides to lift them only a little high just to please them

Happily, he eventually gets used to knowing how to deal with them, and it helps that the kids are so polite to him

He’s the ultimate Big Brother figure to them, much to his surprise since he’s used to being the younger brother, and it makes him really soft inside that these kids actually look up to him and rely on him 

During free play, he has definitely carried at least six kids on his back when they play horsey and not break a sweat and throws the babies up in the air playfully (and carefully) and let them pretend they were flying

He’s their protector, making sure that they’re playing safely, even though he went a little too ham on the protection, grabbing a kid by the scruff of his collar because he was running and beel was afraid of him falling and scraping his knees

“It’s okay Beel, they can handle it--”

“Are you sure?? But they’re so tiny and fragile--” 

Changes diapers pretty handily after the first time; has definitely tried the baby formula and ate the entire bottle by accident before feeding a baby

Makes sure the kids are nice to each other, especially siblings, and that they eat; you tell the kids that if they eat their vegetables they’ll grow as strong as Beel, and that’s the FASTEST you’ve ever seen picky kids eat them in your LIFE

Belphegor

“Alright, nap time, everyone!”

“Belphie, they just arrived;;;”

Honestly just thought this entire thing was a hassle because kids in general take a lot of work and he just doesn’t want to put that sort of effort into something he didn’t sign up for

But since you’re there, he may as well try to be proficient enough to be well-liked enough to not cause a fuss and be able to babysit with you

He’s the type of babysitter who converses with the kids and pretends he doesn’t know something so the kid tries to teach him-- and honestly this give the kid a chance to be confident in their skills and also lets Belphie not do as much work to keep the conversation alive so win-win

As you can probably guess, is definitely in charge of enforcing nap time… by napping with the kids-- gotta learn by example right?

There are probably mats that the kids lie on but whenever Belphie lies in the middle of them, they all end up rolling and curling near his side; when he wakes up he’s always surrounded by a sea of kids and he’s so confused and he can’t move unless you wake up the kids for him 

The most efficient babysitter out of all of them because efficiency means less effort and time taken to change a diaper, clean up a spill, or wipe a kid’s nose 

Doesn’t understand why the kids keep wanting to interact with him but he’ll always indulge them in the end regardless of his nonchalant attitude

He actually finds a lot of them endearing when they talk about the things they like to do and about their daily life because it’s always interesting to learn about their perspective on things

When it’s creativity hour, the kids like asking him to doodle something on their paper (it can be a small chibi or caricature or just some animal) and it always makes them super happy; you watch him crack a smile as he sees the kids try to copy his drawing right next to it

If any of them are interested in stars, will gently show them the constellations in books and watch as they fascinate over them as he did before

[meggannn]

one thing that bugs me within HZD fandom—or at least in a lot of reddit threads and the occasional tumblr note—is how the discussion of Aloy as the chosen one because of the circumstances of her birth always gets reframed around [REDACTED] in a way that discredits Aloy.

I do love the “hero is a rando” stories as much as the next person, but what I like about HZD is that it sets up Aloy to be some incredible savior and then it turns out... well, she might do cool things, but she’s kind of a jerk, actually! and she has every right to not want to help most people when she’s been hurt and mistreated by them for all of her young life.

Aloy is a hero, yes, but not because of her birth, but because she chooses to be one. and it’s a hard choice for her, because her natural inclination is to help herself—which is an understandable trait now that she is old enough to try to give herself what she was denied for nearly twenty years—and I like that they keep stressing that.

now that we’re under the cut I’m gonna talk spoilers.

Aloy is a great fighter and impressive machine-hunter and she is very smart, but that’s not because she’s Elisabet’s clone, but because she had to develop those skills to survive. every part about her personality and skillset can really be attributed to a few key elements about her: being an outcast and shunned and judged for something out of her control, growing up in the wilds in a world full of dangerous machines, not being raised with any sense of family or friends or community, and her feelings of loneliness. everything about her personality and abilities has a tie back to one or several of those things, either as a way to explain them, or overcome them. those were things Aloy did because she chose to chase the mystery of her past, but her Elisabet genes didn’t do them for her.

so it really does bug me when people talk about it as if it’s Elisabet’s acumen that should be given credit when we talk about why Aloy is the hero of her own story. I think we are far enough as a culture that we can acknowledge nurture plays a much bigger role in someone’s personality than nature, even for clones. (and I think this is why the Lightkeeper Protocol was doomed to fail anyway.) I think GAIA, when awake, may eventually struggle with this initially, calling her Elisabet instead of Aloy because it’s Elisabet she misses and wants to see again, and she doesn’t know Aloy at all—but she is an AI, and can adapt quickly.

but why I think it bothers me so much is that this “she’s a natural hero” narrative goes against Rost’s last lesson that he teaches Aloy in the prologue. Aloy’s flaws are that she is selfish and often self-centered, and doesn’t rely a lot on others, often to the point of discrediting their abilities. she barges into the Hunters Lodge and demands Talanah take her on as a thrush based on her own assumption that she’s as good a hunter, if not better, than most of the people in the building. she says “I’m faster on my own” to Erend’s incredulity, implying others would just slow her down. they’re completely understandable foibles for someone who has been alone and shunned by the world her entire life and learned to survive because of it.

but Aloy isn’t strong or smart or brave because she was a clone of Elisabet. she could have walked away from seeking revenge against the Eclipse, and arguably, she might have even done it if she hadn’t had a personal interest in the matter: finding out who Elisabet was. Sylens even calls her out multiple times for her short-sightedness in focusing on “what happened to Elisabet?” instead of "what happened to the world?” (I think in ELEUTHIA-9 she says something like "This is interesting, but it's not why I'm here though" and Sylens says sarcastically "Right, what's the whole of human history compared to the origins of one girl?")

again: it’s completely understandable that the girl raised with no family is looking for, y’know, her family, but I think it’s also a pointed choice by the writers: Aloy doesn’t really feel like she belongs to a tribe, so she feels, in some sense, that she has nothing to lose by antagonizing and refusing help to anyone. what are they going to do, banish her? her one lifeline is Rost: it’s her love for him, and his last act of sacrifice for her, that propels her self-centered (though by no means wrong) desire of “I need to find where I came from” to “these people are killers who threaten what I believe in,” and “they will kill again, and even if they will hurt the people who hurt me, many of whom I still dislike, I must do my best to stop them.”

the biggest scene that shows her laser focus on her own interests to the extent of others’ is when Erend asks her for help tracking Ersa’s killer and she denies him without the player's input. I thought that was an interesting choice because the game is canonically telling us that Aloy will barge her way past allies to get what she wants, and she will not be nice about it. like, Erend, a man grieving, tries to get her to stop for two seconds to hear out his ask for help, and she says “Out of the way” and “That’s your war, not mine.” Normally games might give you a choice to say yes or no to helping an ally, even if the game will eventually force you help them to progress the story; but the writers made a choice to show her denying a friend help, just after he helped her. It shows she’s still at the point in her journey where she sees others either as allies to help her or as foes in her way, and she might help allies if she makes time for it on her own (side quests), but when she's impatient and picks up the scent of her prey, she’s willing to ignore others’ needs.

it’s honestly debatable if she would have even cared so much about seeking revenge against the Eclipse if Helis hadn’t killed Rost: certainly she may have been interested in seeing them punished for their ambush against a bunch of Nora teenagers, but she mentions Rost the most consistently when she talks about tracking down Helis, not even Vala or the other Braves (RIP). even to Sylens, who didn’t know any of them, she says “You [didn’t say you knew the man] who killed my... who almost killed me.” (also, sob forever that Aloy still can’t call him her dad even after he’s dead, only “the man who raised her.” Rost really did not teach her to ever call him “Dad.” it’s no wonder why she was so focused on finding at least one parent, a mother, who is centered throughout Nora culture.) but the Nora ambush, while a factor, is still kind of... a side thing. she is most interested in their connection to this mysterious woman-who-might-be-her-mother, and the mystery of why they tried to kill her. people just assume that she is after them out of vengeance for the Nora, and she does not correct them as she uses her Seeker title to explore her own interests.

and speaking of Sylens, I think they are great foils for each other just for this reason: Aloy immediately senses there’s something she doesn’t like about him from basically the moment he makes contact. he’s prickly, arrogant, impatient, unsympathetic, and hates to play nice or work as a team. but like... are they really all that different? I think that Aloy sees Sylens in her future if she doesn’t learn to get along with people. like Aloy, Sylens is definitely rude to you, but I hope you realize you, too, are also pretty rude to others as well! (though you could argue this is a game mechanic so she can ask the questions that the player might be wondering.)

this is not all to say that she’s dispassionate or uncaring, or that her mission isn’t sympathetic or understandable. she helps people out, but her goal driving the story, her True North in a way, is really her own interest to find out who she is and where she came from. one of the significant moments she grows in this regard is when she comes out of ELEUTHIA-9 and decides to fight for the Nora, and for the entire world. she just discovered the truth of her birth isn't what she wanted, and she even thinks afterwards that she’s “not a person, just an instrument.” she’s devastated. what on earth does it mean, that she’s a “recreation” of Elisabet? they don’t have words for “clone” in her world—she thinks it means she’s literally not a human being. she doesn’t want a grand destiny to save the world, she just wants to find her mother and have that sense of belonging she was denied for so long, and she didn’t find that—turns out, she never had that. and now she’s being expected to take on this huge burden about restoring GAIA and fighting subfunctions that she doesn’t understand. both of her “mothers" are dead and there are a bunch of people waiting outside the bunker for her to tell them what their goddess is saying.

so when she walks out of that bunker and sees a bunch of scared, hopeful faces looking at her for answers, her decision to fight HADES—not just on behalf of GAIA but on behalf of the Nora and Carja and Oseram and all others—is her accepting that even though she isn’t what she thought and didn’t get what she wanted, she needs to help others because she is a still part of this world and can make a difference. that’s what makes her heroic. her hero-worship of Elisabet is understandable, but it’s not what’s going to get her through the next challenges in her life—only her own growth and commitment to doing good will do that.

when she tells Rost “if I’m going to fight for something, it’s going to be something I believe in,” I think that was her saying “I’ll fight for that something, but if I find it, I think I’ll end up finding it on my own, and it won’t be with the Nora.” at that time in her journey, she was running the Proving to get something for herself, not to serve the Nora, which she would have been expected to do normally if she had successfully completed it. but she does find something to believe in, and it is with the Nora, both physically in the mountain, and in the spirit of any community: it’s not Elisabet herself, like she thought, but it is what Elisabet stood for, and died for. she may not fully understand what GAIA or the subfunctions are yet, but she knows that their survival and mutual cooperation are necessary for the betterment of people now and civilizations everywhere. she isn’t really fighting for Elisabet or the Old Ones, or I don’t think so, at least—I think it is a factor to do all of this in Elisabet’s memory, in some way, but mostly I think she’s fighting for people alive today. it’s the same conclusion Elisabet came to: the Old Ones are doomed, but people of the future might still have a chance, and that chance is worth her dedication.

but how how a lonely girl ends up fighting to save the world when she barely understands it or the people in it, is an interesting challenge. for this reason I also expect to see her faults in full display in the sequels. Aloy’s tactlessness is a big flaw of hers when it comes to her dismissiveness and occasional derision toward any religion/cultural traditions she doesn’t understand or value. she works through this in some way over the course of the story, like when she decides to spare the Nora the truth of their goddess with an easy lie after leaving ELEUTHIA-9, but particularly in the DLC (which can take place at any point in the story), she challenges a werak to become the chieftan of a tribe she knows very little about, just to get something for herself: she wants to further her goal of investigating AI. I expect this trait of hers will be something we see more of in future games, her barging into a community she doesn’t know anything about and telling them how to do things for their own good. (I call it the “Solas Problem” from Dragon Age Inquisition.) she might be right most of the time, but she also needs to learn how to talk to the people she’s trying to save, and learn how to save them without changing who they are.