#I love having a job and that I got extra money for december. this is what money is for

[tenitchyfingers]

Today was FINALLY shopping day, been waiting to go to the record shop for weeks now✌️

[mochinek0]

Daminette December 2023: 18-Hiding in the Shadows

Marinette looked around her pent house in Paris. She had everything she wanted as a teenager. Well, almost everything. She was a well-known fashion designer, to the people that were aware of her. She kept her business a secret and used an alias. Her clients all came from judgement on her other clients. Others designers knew her as 'Passion' after her store's brand. Very few knew her as Marinette Dupain-Cheng: Gabriel Agreste, Audrey Bourgeois, and Jagged Stone.

Marinette had enough money to pay her rent, her fabric, all of her equipment, anything a business woman could need. Marinette herself, not so much. She missed being able to walk out and go sit at a café for a bit. When she saw Wayne Enterprise opened a section in Paris, she came up with an idea.

'Wayne Enterprises is a place that usually pays big. Even a part time job should be fine. A little play money couldn't hurt. A few extra euros so I could eat out, get some comfy clothes so I'm not rushing between orders and messing up wouldn't hurt.'

Damian Wayne sat at his desk, looking through potential applicants. Many of them were attached to big names or had one of their own. As he rang background checks, he could see they were all connected to each other in one way or another. He smirked at his idea.

'Let's put on a show. I want to see what kind of people these applicants are around each other. Would they out themselves?'

Mari was escorted to a waiting room as Damian Wayne got through other interviews. When the door opened, the last thing she expected was to see some familiar faces: Chloe, Adrien, and Lila.

"I don't know why you're even here, Dupain-Cheng." Chloe snarled, after the door was closed, "This is a big company that would love to work with our families. You have nothing going for you."

Marinette sat down and smiled, "Is that right? I guess I must have sent the wrong order to your mother and that's why she wore my design down the red carpet at the MET Gala."

Chloe tensed up and refused to meet her gaze. She could tell Adrien and Lila were surprised as well.

Chloe cleared her throat, "You're lying."

"Call your mother and ask." Marinette shrugged, "Oh, that's right! She doesn't like you; she prefers your half sister, who can actually work and living on her own, instead of leeching off of her Daddy."

"This isn't you, Dupain-Cheng." Chloe declared.

"No. This is me." Marinette shrugged off the concerned looks, "I'm just not being forced to coddle you to make Caline Bustier's life easier. 'Oh, just show Chloe some love, so she'll know what it's like and she'll get better eventually. You'll see.' Even she knew you were a horrible person. She basically thought you were The Grinch. That with enough love, your heart would grow three sizes and you wouldn't be such a bitch anymore."

Everyone was speechless at Marinette's attitude. This wasn't the Marinette that they grew up with.

"Chloe Bourgeois." a security voice called.

Chloe held her head high as she walked into the office.

"Damian Wayne." Chloe stated.

"Sit!" he demanded.

Chloe was shocked by his attitude.

'Doesn't he know who I am?'

"Do you know who I am?" she shouted.

"A spoiled brat; Ive read the articles on the internet." Damian stated, "You are known for crying for your father when you don't get what you want. Even though you are the oldest, your half-sister is who your mother relies on to bring customers for Style Queen in New York."

"My father-" Chloe snarled.

"Isn't the mayor anymore. He hasn't been the mayor in three years." the Wayne heir spoke, "If you're thinking of blackmailing me, you chose the wrong person. Spread whatever lies you want or cry to your father, the hotel owner. I could make one post about how horrid his hotel is and he would go out of business. Could you live with that?"

Chloe stood there, speechless. The only person who talked to her like this was her mother.

"I'm in charge, here, and if it came down to it, your job would be scrubbing toilets all day." Damian declared.

Tears formed in Chloe's eyes.

'He's glaring at me, just like Mommy. He doesn't look happy. He looks at me like he wishes I was gone or someone else.'

"We're done here." Damian stated.

Chloe quickly rushed out of the office. The three saw her rushing away, crying.

'I knew she wouldn't last.'

"Marinette, I can't understand why you're like this." Lila spoke, as she took her seat.

'He made that Daddy's Girl cry. I better go at this carefully.'

"Oh, shove it, Lila." Marinette sighed, "All three of us, here, know you're a lying manipulative bitch. You don't have to fake it."

"I don't know-" Lila continued.

"Adrien already told me years ago that he made a deal with you. He made one with me, too. Did he ever tell you that?" Mari questioned.

Lila glanced towards Adrien, who kept his head down.

"Oh, he didn't." she giggled, "You see, I was already designing for Jagged Stone when you arrived to our school. Adrien even had me autograph things I designed for him."

The model had turned towards Adrien and was now glaring at him.

"I could have made your whole 'tinnitus-kitten bullshit' story go up in flames since day one." Mari smiled, "I could have video called him and you would have been labeled as delusional."

"I took all our friends away!" Lila cried out, in victory.

"No." Mari answered, "You took away people, who were finally talking to me. Chleo ensured that for seven years, I had no friends. Those 'friends' just went back to not talking to me. You didn't actually do anything. If anything, you helped me. You took away the class president duties from me and I had more free time. You turned Alya and Nino away, so I couldn't babysit. I designed more clothes and got more clients. You didn't make my life worse, Lila, you made it better."

Lila fumed. Adrien had played peace maker between the both of them. From what Marinette was saying, she could have won the war in an instant! She thought she had chased Marinette Duapin-Cheng out of school all those years ago and here she was smiling, practially laughing at her, saying it wasn't true. She had thanked her and said she made her life better.

'I need this job so I can rub it in her face! I need to win against her!'

"I do hope you at least did some research into Damian Wayne." Marinette stated.

"I've known Damian Wayne since we were children!" Lila announced.

"Is that what it told you, you should say when you looked up how rich his family is?" Mari inquired.

Lila stood up, in rage.

'How dare she!'

"Lila Rossi." security called out.

Lila smirked, "I'm coming."

"She really should have done her research." Marinette spoke out loud.

"Why do you say that?" Adrine asked.

"Lila likes to play off her tears and looks." Mari declared, "Damian Wayne hates going to galas because of girls that try to attach themselves to him."

"And?" Adrien questioned.

"He broke an Italian model's arm two months ago, for lying to him." the designer stated.

Adrien paled at her words. Marinette merely smiled and pulled out her phone and dialed emergency services.

"Hello, what is your emergency?" the voice asked.

"I think we need an ambulance at Wayne Enterprise." Marinette stated, "I think someone's arm is broken."

"Are you with this person?" the voice questioned.

"No." the designer answered.

"I have sent medical to your location." the voice declared, before hanging up.

"That was pretty extreme, Marinette. I have faith in Lila!" Adrien shouted, "I don't think he would do that! The Waynes have an imagine to uphold!"

"Maybe, you should have done your research." Mari shrugged, "You still have time. Maybe five minutes."

Lila sauntered her way into the office.

"Hello, Mr. Wayne." She spoke, calmly.

"Sit." He demanded, not looking up.

Lila waved off his decleration. She moved past the chair in front of his desk and walked her way to his side.

"Can I sit on your lap?" She asked, "You see, I have tinnitus and-"

"There is nothing in here that would activate your tinnitus. Tinnitus is when you can't here anything for a brief amount of time, but a loud ringing. It's usually followed after hearing an extremely loud sound. I should know; I went to medical school." Damian stated.

'Shit. My usual tactics won't work here.'

Lila nodded and made her way back to the seat.

"Why shoud I hire you?" The Wayne heir questioned.

Lila fluttered her lashes, "I'm a model for Gabriel Agreste."

"Former model." Damian interjected, "You now model on Instagram and Only Fans."

Lila turned red. She didn't expect them to aware of her new lifestyle.

"Now, Miss Lerouch-" he continued.

Lila paled, "Wh-What did you call me?"

"Cerise Lerouch." Damian stated, "Did you think I would not delve into your background? I have to know who I am working with."

Cerise quickly leaped up from her seat and rushed around the desk.

"Don't touch me." Damian demanded.

"I'll do anything." Cerise cried out, grabbing onto his arm.

The Wayne heir growled, "Let go."

"I can help you relieve stress in other ways, you know." Cerise pleaded.

Damian grabbed her wrist and twisted it behind her back, harshly. Cerise screamed in pain.

"I have no need for whores." Damian spoke.

He grabbed the back of her shirt, arm still twisted, and walked her to his office door. He grabbed the knob and threw her out, in front of his security team.

"Drag this whore out by the hair, if you have too, but I want her off Wayne Enterprise grounds and blacklisted!" Damian shouted.

"Yes, Mr. Wayne." they spoke simultaneously, as he slammed his door shut.

"Shit, I think her arm is broken." the one on the left declared.

"She would call an ambulance?" the one on the right asked.

"Please, help me! It hurts so much!" Cerise begged, cradling her arm.

"You shouldn't have pissed him off." the one on the right declared, "Damian Wayne isn't one to mess around."

A man rushed towards them with medical workers.

"Did you guys call for an ambulance and someone with a broken arm?" the new guy asked.

"No, but perfect timing." the one on the left stated, "Girl with broken arm right here."

Cerise was walked by the waiting room. Inside, she could see Adrien looked horrified before turning to Marinette. She was smiling at her. Then, the baker's daughter flipped her off.

'She knew! That bitch knew how this would end!'

Cerise burst into tears as she was carted off.

"I guess that just leaves you and me, Agreste." Marinette stated.

Adrien began to feel uncomfortable.

"I do hope you do better than they did." She spoke, "For your Father's sake."

"Huh?" Adrien asked, confused.

"Damian Wayne isn't one to back down, not even to his father. He can make his father bow down to him. You have no idea how......attractive that is to a woman, Adrien." Mari smiled, "A man with a spine."

The model gulped, watching Marinette lick her lips.

"You should grow a spine." she declared, "Maybe then your father won't force you to model for him. I' sure that's why Kagami chose Felix over you. Your cousin has a spine. It looks good on him. Maybe, that's why Kagami didn't take my advice on how to get back with you after the break up."

Adrien only looked at her in shocked.

"Alya told me you broke up and I went to see her." Marinette continued, "I tried to help, but she didn't want to. She said it was better that way and well, Felix and you did look alike as teens. The same face with a spine; kind of hard to resist. They're so happy and their twins are adorable."

"Adrien Agreste, Mr. Wayne will see you now." the voice spoke over the intercom.

The model looked over at the designer. She waved at him, but said nothing. Adrien stood up and stood tall.

Adrien walked into Damian's office. It was intimidating; Marinette was right. He was scarier than his father.

"Why should I hire you, Adrien Agreste?" Damian questioned.

"I hate modeling. I prefer computers and science. I want to break free of Gabriel." Adiren admitted, "You don't have to worry about me telling him anything because I never learned anything about fashion. I couldn't even tell you the names of two different shades of fabric. If anyting, you should hire Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Marinette has always been an amazing designer. She was recognized by Father and Style Queen when she was only thirteen. She's the one who would know everything about fashion."

Damian hid his smirk behind his hand and looked down at the papers about Adrien again.

'What a miracle worker you are, Miss Dupain-Cheng. Agreste grew a spine.'

"We may have an internship available in our science department." Damian spoke, "Do you still live with your father?"

"Yes." Adrien spoke.

"We have a company home we prefer our interns reside in." Damian continued.

He noticed Adrien seemed relieved about that.

"The internship isn't a guarantee." The Wayne heir continued, "We need to see you commitment and dedication first hand. If you can't keep up, we'll put you in a different department. If you keep failing to meet our expectations, you'll have no choice but to keep modeling for your father."

"Tell him we'll work with him for one year, as a test." Damian continued, "You have one year to get your affairs in order. You'll need to move in one month from now and if not, consider the contract cancelled. I will inform them you are expected."

"Thank you." Adrien smiled.

Damian waved him off and Adrine walked out of the office, happy.

Marinette stood up when her name was called. As she walked towards the office, she saw Adrien smiling at a paper. She entered the office and closed the door.

"Please sit Miss Dupain-Cheng." Damian ordered.

Marinette immediately took a seat in front of him.

"Why should I hire you?" He questioned.

Mari shrugged, "You don't really have to."

"Oh?" Damian pushed.

"I'm only here for a part time job." the designer answered, "You know, helping out on the floor, coffee grabber, secretary gig. That sort of thing."

"Excuse me?" he asked, shocked, " Aren't you a fashion designer."

"With my own clients and I can pay for my own things." She smiled.

"Then why are you here?" Damian questioned.

Marinette sat back further in the chair and got comfortable, "Play money. I spend my own on my deisgns, fabrics, equipment, rent. Why not have a little extra to treat myself to a night out or a night in, for once?"

That was not the answer he had been expecting.

Damian laughed, "What if I decide to keep you?"

"Keep me as in?" Marinette pushed.

"I decide I want to become one of your clients." he offered.

"Are you offering?" the designer asked, "I've seen some of those suits you wear to galas and it doesn't bring you out to your full potential."

"And that would be?" he asked.

"You're outshined by your father, your older brothers, and the company." She spoke, "You can stand out, but maybe you want to fade into the back, less people to grope you."

Damian chuckled and stood up from his seat. He made his way around the desk and rested on it.

"What would you dress me in, right now?" Damian questioned.

"Depends." Marinette smiled, "Do you always wear a suit to work or are you interested in a change?"

"Tell me about this hypothetical change." He demanded.

"Ever heard of quick change wear?" She asked.

"No." he replied.

"It mainly takes woman into factor. Clothes that can go from working at the office to going out on a date or partying." Mari answered, "Just a few adjustments and possibly a new shade of makeup and usually people tend to think they took all day to get ready."

Damian took what she said into account, "And for men?"

"Most don't really have the option." Marinette shrugged, "Shame, but on you.....your figure. Well, there's nothing sluttier than a man wearing a sleeveless turtleneck."

The Wayne heir couldn't help but think of his old League of Assassin's outfits.

"No one at work would know if you have a blazer on and buttoned." She continued, "It is your office so you can always install a closet here and keep an extra pair of clothes. Jeans, if you prefer. Who is to say that this whole time, you weren't wearing sweatpants and just dressed from the waist up."

He chuckled ather way of thinking.

'Effective, but true not the less. I could kick out anyone who entered my office, should I choose to dress comfortably, and there was a closet hidden behind the cabinets.'

"Another thing most people tend to do is incorporate their culture into their clothing, as well." Marinette spoke, "Personally, I use apple blossoms in most of my designs for myself."

"Miss Dupain-Cheng, you are not what I was expecting." Damian declared, "I like to expect everything."

Mari smiled, "I've been known to be...unpredictable."

"You want to work part time in the fashion section." The Wayne heir stated, "Even if it's just grabbing coffee or lunch for others."

"Correct." she answered.

"Fine." Damian spoke, "You can work here, part time, at least three days a week. I f you have a big comission, I want to know about it. You can keep the details to yourself, but I want a time frame."

Marinette nodded, happily.

"I also want you to make me something to relax in the office that could pass for office wear." he suggested, "I'll pay for fabric of course. I can send you the details of my heritage via email, later."

Marinette stood up, "I'll start on that and bring it by Friday."

Damian grabbed her hand and kissed it, "I'll see you Monday morning, at 9AM, for work. We can go over your schedule then."

Marinette felt her face flush as his lips connected with her hand. His gaze was piercing.

"Yes, Mr. Wayne." She answered, flustered.

Damian waved his hand, dismissing her, but he still followed her to the door.

"You know, Miss Dupain-Cheng." He whispered, pressing himself to her back, "They may not be able to see it, but I see what lurks in the shadows. I can see what you hide there. I can wait a bit longer for the side of you that wants to come out and play."

"Is that so?" Marinette whispered back.

"I'll enjoy getting to know you, in the future." Damian spoke, before opening the door.

Marinette took a breath before she walked out the door.

"Marinette, did you get the job?" Adrien asked.

"Yes." she answered.

The model sighed in relief, "I told him you were good. I told him about Father and Audrey."

"Did you think I wouldn't be able to get it on my own?" Mari questioned.

"That's not what I meant!" Adrien cried, surprised at the question.

"Then, don't belittle me and my work." Marinette declared, "He already knew who I was. The Wayne keep a check on everyone and everything. Did you seriously not expect him to know about our families? He was probably listening to us in the waiting room."

Adrien gulped in response.

"Besides, I wasn't apart of whatever you three were fighting over." Marinette smiled, walking away.

'What did she mean by that?'

Adrien turned to see Damian Wayne leaning against the door, wearing a smirk on his face. Damian took notice of the model and hardened his gaze. Adrien gulped as Damian stood tall and closed his door again.

'What was he staring at?'

Adrien turned his head back down the corridor and saw Marinette speaking to the receptionist.

'He was after Marinette the whole time!'

'He already knew who I was.'

'He was probably listening to us in the waiting room.'

'Besides, I wasn't apart of whatever you three were fighting over.'

TAGLIST: @maribat-calendar-events @animeweebgirl@a-star-with-a-human-name@meme991001@vixen-uchiha@abrx2002@alysrose-starchild@fandom-trapped-03@dood-space@moonlightstar64@saltymiraculer@marveldcedits20@09shell-sea09@icerosecrystal@animegirlweeb@insane-fangirl-of-everything@blueblossombliss@nickristus-dreamer@megawhitleycalderonpaganus@missmadwoman@meira-3919@princessdaisysolosyourfaves@blep-23@fangirlingfanatic@darkhinauniverse@ravenr22@im-a-satanic-ritual@ravennm84@bianca-hooks123@a-slytherinish-gryffindor@starling218

[solomon-revisited]

my copy has finally arrived... sixteen old songs from my earnest friends

THE CORONER'S GAMBIT LINER NOTES

TRANSCRIPT:

HE was a guy from California who'd fallen in love with a woman from Iowa. She was working at a water testing lab. They lived in a very small house whose pipes froze every winter. The landlord would come by and put space heaters under the sink. Years later, they retained the memory of the water coming back on - the sudden sound of the shower, the rush from the sink. They slept on a foam mattress in the bedroom in the summer, and on the couch in the living room in the winter, since the house did not have central heating, rendering the bedroom essentially uninhabitable from December through March.

They were not really the kind of people to plan things: they had fun when and where they could on an austere budget. The ice skates they bought used from Play It Again Sports made for fun Christmas mornings on West Indian Creek in Nevada, one town over from where they lived. He learned to cook, and to bake: they didn't go out to eat, because there really wasn't any place to go out and eat, though on occasion they would get a pizza from Casey's, because their town had a Casey's. Under the right circumstances a gas station pizza can be just the thing, and they sometimes found themselves in those circumstances.

He made music which was slowly reaching a wider audience. If he played in New York or Chicago as many as a hundred people might show up. He was idly entertaining the idea of becoming ambitious about it: as a child, he'd been pretty pretentious, and although he was working hard to shake most of that off, a little pretension isn't a bad thing in an artist. Just as a seasoning, as a little extra flavor here or there.

One summer he took a job as a harvest help at the Farmers Cooperative Exchange down the street from the very small house where the pipes froze in winter: getting the corn and soybeans into the grain elevator and into a big Morton building where the beans formed giant mountains, which he sometimes had to climb to knock down the peaks. If you don't knock down the peaks the beans get too hot and might rot. The job didn't pay much, and he wasn't good at it, but during slow stretches he would write song lyrics on scraps of paper or in a small notebook, and when he got home from work and washed off the crop dust, he'd set the lyrics to music. "Elijah" was written like this. So was "The Alphonse Mambo."

He took a Greyhound bus to Omaha to record some of the songs, so that the album would have a nice varied feel to it, but he got very sick, which is not an uncommon thing to have happen after a Greyhound ride, and only a few songs came out the way he wanted. He kept those, and then they got married and moved to Ames because the City of Colo had purchased their home from that landlord and intended to knock it down, which they did do, he affirmed years later: and in Ames he put the album together, and then later they moved to North Carolina and a whole lot of other things happened, too, but the main thing is that this album is a document of a time when two young people in love hadn't yet located the spot on the current that would carry them to their destination, twenty-five years later, parents of two beautiful children, worlds away from Colo, the place where, for better or worse, as the saying goes, all this really began.

Dedicated to my wife, Lalitree, and to the City of Colo, Iowa.

This is the original text of the paper bag that housed the first edition of this album. I am leaving it intact rather than revising it. Stage Bidet's moment comes ever closer: let the people tremble in fear.

Elijah, Baboon, Horseradish Road, Onions, and the Alphonse Mambo recorded in Omaha with Simon Joyner, Chris Deden, Lonnie Methe, Brad Smith, John Kotchen, Steve Micek, and Pat Oakes. All of them are owed money and are to be treated with deference and respect. Five of the remaining songs were recorded at Main St. in Colo, which is a small town in Iowa, and the rest were recorded two blocks north of Emma McCarthy Lee Park in Ames, which is a considerably larger town half and hour west of Colo. Though happy circumstances currently have the Mountain Goats claiming Ames, we continue to straight up represent Colo and will put the slap down on anyone who disrespects it. Transfer and levels by Bob Durkee at FBE in Pomona, California, with Joel Huschle attending. As a result of some regrettable but inevitable conversations that took place during the transfer, Bob, Joel, and the Mountain Goats have formed a new, super-powerful punk rock machine called Stage Bidet, and we urge you to watch for us and clear us a wide berth whenever we're in your town. Instead of thanking all the people I always thank to whom I say, collectively and with no less sincerity: thanks. I am just going to spend the time left us here addressing an absent friend. Rozz: I wish you hadn't've gone and killed yourself. Though I hadn't seen or spoken with you in eight years since that night when, as far as I can tell from the reports I was later able to piece together, you tried, not without reason, to strangle the life out of me out there on the landing of Damien's apartment and I probably never would have ever seen you again anyway, it was still hard to hear that you were gone. All your friends had been predicting your death since the early eighties, and no-one could bear the thought of you growing old, but none of that did anything to soften the blow when I heard. I don't really believe that the dead see or hear what we do out here in the realm of corruptible things and I don't imagine that the anyone reads the scribblings on the backs of album jackets to them, either, so I am really only addressing a memory. To that memory I say: I thought of you now and then when I was writing these songs. I don't suppose they'd do much for you, but I thought of you all the same. All your friends miss you in some way, a little or a lot. The rumors about your final hours are dismal and tawdry: I am sure they would please you immensely. For your sake, I hope that the Christians were wrong and that you were right about whether the faithless are destined for eternal torment. In the event that you are a ghost and are wandering the earth moaning and rattling chains, I moved to Iowa from California four or five years ago, stop by any time. Have a seat on the couch until I get home from work. Help yourself to anything in the refrigerator, or to the whiskey and sake on top of it. Make yourself right at home.

Album cover design by Tom Hart

[ros3ybabe]

Update on...Life?

Hello, my lovelies! I can't believe I haven't posted since...early December 2023? and now it's almost February! The time has flown so fast, kinda crazy. I do apologize for the lengthy absence, but as you'll find out, life has been hectic for me recently.

My boyfriend was in town from Dec 23rd til Han 1st, and then him and his mom left. The 2 weeks after he left were absolutely so difficult for me. As I've been unmedicated since early December due to insurance issues, my depression ramped up as heavily as it could and I pretty much stayed in bed those 2 weeks until my job started having us come back as the semester was going to start soon.

Once I started going back to work, I felt so much better. And now that my classes have resumed, I have more moments where I truly feel like myself despite still being unmedicated. But because my job is still pretty short staffed, I'm working a lot right now to both help out my job and make some extra money. Since my semester has only been started thus last week and a half, I am able to work this much but geez, I am so tired all the time right now.

I did finally get my insurance back! I have to pay over 150$ USD a month to maintain it, but I'm just excited to get back on track with my mental and physical health!

Things are slowly looking up for me at the moment and I'm honestly excited for what 2024 is going to being for me.

That being said, I am fully planning on coming back and posting regularly again! I missed this community more then I realized I would, and since the semester has started and I'm getting back into routines, what better way to keep myself accountable then to utilize my blog!

I am keeping the same theme, I love the pink feminine aesthetic still, but sometimes I may switch up the color theme, I'm not sure yet! And I will be resuming my challenge! I believe I got to about 30 days before I stopped, but due to the long hiatus, I will be basically starting back from day 1! I think I will resume the challenege either on Monday, January 29th OR Thursday, February 1st. I am not too sure yet.

also, please feel free to send me any questions you have about... anything, honestly! I will, alongside my challenge posts, be posting my goals for this semester, my study routines, stuff revolving around any hobbies I pick up, or my new *improved* routines.

til next time lovelies 🩷

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

Clockwork. - OC Story

pairing: COD OC!Victoria "Whiskey" Callahan x Simon "Ghost" Riley bonus: MootOC!Meabh "Pirate" O'Malley x Johnny "Soap" MacTavish words: 1.4k~ (on the dot, bby!) cw: canon simon backstory. + none. just toothrotting fluff.

December and May are Simon's least favourite months of the year.

December because it's the constant reminder of his family passing.

May because it's the constant reminder that he was the cause of all his family's issues.

Simon was born within days of his own father's birthday; "a late birthday present" everyone called it...

Nevermind the fact the druggie was too high to even attend his own son's birth, and that his mum had to get herself to the hospital alone, with a young Tommy tucked under her arm.

Simon had a bad birth, having breached feet first, and having to get rotated in utero, and then having been born with the umbilical chord around his neck, which meant he needed extra care afterward.

Simon needed to get surgery at age 3 because of tonsilitis.

Simon needed glasses growing up, which is mum could barely afford.

Simon had trouble saying his Ss, so for a long time, he got mocked at school for calling himself "Shimon"... and ended in him having speech classes.

Simon's grades were horrendous, and he had a tendency to get into fights at school, which caused his mum to have to take hours off work to come see his teachers.

Simon.

Simon.

Simon.

Always him, at the root of every problem.

And yet Simon was the only one in the house to raise his voice (and later his fists) at the drunk that was his father, which earned him countless trips to A&E.

Simon was the one with the neglected birthday, not because his mum and Tommy didn't remember, but because being right after his own father's, the leech would blow all their money on a rager, and leave the family unable to eat, let alone buy the boy a cake.

So Simon learned to not care.

Going into the Army, people didn't really show that big of a deal about it like they would at a normal job. Hard to, when you spend all your time fearing a bomb will fall on you or a bullet will bury itself on your body.

But then he went home, and when he kicked that bag of bones out of the house, and got Tommy into rehab... It got different. Got... better. The birthdays got easier. There were phone calls, and cards, and he actually... sort of... looked forward to it.

Whenever he'd be scheduled for leave, he'd go home, and mum would've bought them a cake and they'd sing happy birthday, and mum would give him things he needed; clothes, boots, they'd watch films together, she'd kiss his forehead so often...

Then, Beth came along. And now he suddenly was being forced fed cake and handed gifts that he had no clue what to do with... So his barracks suddenly had color. There were new towels, and little trinkets, picture frames with photos from home...

Then Joseph came, the little boy that had been the apple of his eye, that learned to talk in May, at 10 months old, and Simon got an e-mail with a video from them, where little Joseph mumbled his way past a 'SiSi!' while pointing at a picture of him in Tommy's phone... One of, if not the, best gift he'd ever received.

And they they were gone.

It only got so much worse after that night.

He swore he'd never celebrate his birthday again.

All he had ever loved had been stripped from him.

He wondered if it was his fault.

If he was, somehow, destined to bring bad luck to all those around him.

If he was, somehow, the root of all evil.

If, because he spited some God, all that he loved, all that he touched, was destined to die in his hands.

He spent three years locked in a haze. Mission to mission, job to job, move move move, and never stop.

He spent three Mays buried in work so he couldn't think, and buried in alcohol so he couldn't feel.

And then, on the fourth...

“He tried to get the radiophone off me, so I broke a couple of his fingers… And his wrist. And kicked him in the balls.”

“It's a… Mexican-style MRE. Has beans and cheddar cheese or something. It's the only one I actually don't mind eating. The others are disgusting.”

“That feels like a dig at my social skills.”

“I've been swimming since I was a girl. Navy made sense too.”

“Took a napalm bath.”

For once since that bloody fucking day, he actually wanted something more than to simply forget, to drink himself into a coma and only waking up days later with his phone ringing and Price talking about a new mission.

God, Victoria made him laugh. She made him roll his eyes. She made him scoff. She made him talk. She made him listen.

Of course he couldn't let that go... let her go.

Of course he went looking for her once he was on leave.

Of course he held her close for those two nights.

Of course he held her close in that safehouse.

Of course he bore his face out for her when he got shot.

Of course, of course, of course.

He didn't isolate anymore, every May after that.

Simon'd wake up on his birthday and throw back the covers and sit on the edge of the bed and before the thoughts got to him, she'd already be wrapping her arms around his midsection, and pressing her cheek to his back.

And he'd put his hands over hers, and hear her breathing, and her heartbeat pressed against his back... And he'd close his eyes.

They didn't need to speak.

Victoria never wished him a 'Happy Birthday', but she'd always make sure to bake him a little sweet treat for dinner.

They share it the same way they shared their ''wedding cake'': sat across from each other in their kitchen, with a backdrop of trees beside them, a single knife to cut a slice, feeding each other pieces off the blade.

And when the thoughts got to be too much, on his birthday or all throughout the month, he'd simply turn and look at her, cup her face in his hand, and look her in the eye...

In those moments, he wanted to say it, he could feel it in the tip of his tongue...

That he cherished her.

That he appreciated all she did.

That she kept him sane.

That she was the best thing to have ever happened to him.

That she was like a lighthouse when he felt like a bloody gondola lost at open sea (wildly unprepared and definitely about to tip over and drown).

That he'd die for her.

That he'd kill (and had killed, and would kill again) for her.

That even if there was nothing else to go on for... he'd keep going for her.

That he loved her.

The words were always at the tip of his tongue.

Not just then, but every day. At all points of the day.

Whenever they touched, he'd want to say it.

Whenever they spoke, he'd want to say it.

Whenever they'd lock eyes, he'd want to say it.

Whenever he breathed, he'd want to say it.

His tongue would swirl with the taste of it, of the love he felt for her...

But the words never really made it out...

But he knew. And she knew.

Extra:

Then the news came, the baby, Meabh, it was always go go go, on the move, at home, never time to rest, just Meabh and the baby, and Victoria and him, and...

By the time Simon noticed, Fiadh was here, lying in his arms, little hands closed into fists, her small wrapped in a white blanket with anchors and fishes drawn on it...

And he looked up at his wife who stood beside Meabh, doting on her best friend and caressing her head, cooing at her that she did a good job, the girl a bit dozy from exhaustion from the recent breast feeding...

And then at the clock on the wall, marking 00:13 of the 19th...

And he felt his eyes begin to prickle, his jaw clenching under his surgical mask...

He looked back down at his niece again, little blind blue eyes, the same ones that used to belong to his best friend, staring up at him...

Maybe he didn't hate his birthday so much anymore.

for you @loveandplanet for making me sad ; and also @crashtestbunny sorry for this :)

[postwarlevi]

Kindness at Christmas

Content: Nearly 3.7k words showing some of your most recent Christmas, and a long flashback of how you got there.

Extras: Another piece for @levi-supreme Happy Birthday Levi event! This got a little longer than I realized and I teared up a couple times writing it! I hope you love it!!

"We did it!" Your daughter giggles happily as her father places her back down.

He's just helped hold her up to put the star on top of your six foot Christmas tree.

"It looks beautiful!" You say, coming to hug them both. Levi kisses you softly and smiles.

"We still have more to do!" Your seven year old is always very excited for the Christmas season. Not because of the toys, although that helps, but because of the lights and the magic, the movies and the music, the yummy foods, and the family time.

"Grandma Kuchel is coming over tomorrow to help, don't worry." Levis mom loves coming to see you. She dotes on all of you and spoils her granddaughter and even her new grandpup that you got at the shelter earlier in the year.

"Yay!" She loves her grandma and runs to hug her doggy who barks and plays with her.

You and Levi smile at the happy sight.

"I love you." He whispers, pulling you close.

"I love you too." You share another sweet kiss in front of your Christmas tree, before reaching to adjust a small gold star ornament.

It's taken a long time to get here, it hasn't always been easy, but it's been worth it.

"Daddy! Read to me!" Your little one is a daddies girl, and it warms your heart to see them together.

She goes to pick out a Christmas book, which is tradition for Levi to read the night you put up your tree.

You make mugs of hot chocolate for each of you and all go into the living room.

Levi gives the dog a chew toy so he'll settle in and the pup takes it to his bed in the corner.

As you and your daughter snuggle on the couch, Levi pulls out one of the many fleece blankets in the closet and comes to put it over you.

"Thank you sweetheart." You look at him fondly as he sits down with you both and picks up the book.

Just as he's about to start reading your daughter stops him.

"Daddy, why do you always wrap mommy in a blanket?" She notices he does this a lot, and even though you have blankets, every year he gets you another one.

"So she never gets cold, my little snowflake." Levi smiles at you as you brush his hair back.

She looks between the two of you, not quite understanding.

"Are you sick?" She asks you in a concerned voice.

"No my sweet girl. It's just, there was a time we didn't have this many blankets." You hug her.

"So you were cold?" She looks up at you.

"A little, but daddy was always there to keep me warm." You share a smile.

"Everything is fine now, so let's listen to daddy read, okay?" You two hold each other as Levi takes a sip of hot chocolate and begins.

"Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse" Levi reaches over and touches your daughters nose, making her giggle.

You smile and get lost in thought as Levi continues.

FLASHBLACK

Ten Years Ago

It's December, and you look around your tiny apartment, sighing that you barely have enough money to keep the electric on, so there's no way you can afford decorations.

It's your first year as a married couple. You thought it would be better than this. You've tried so hard but, times are tough.

You don't like to bother friends or family, because they have their own things to deal with.

You hear the door unlock and your husband comes in from work, taking his coat off.

"Levi!" You skip over to him and lean into his hug. Even if everything isn't going right, as long as you are together, the future is bright.

"Hi love, how was your day?" He asks, kissing you.

You bite you lip and he notices. "It's okay, tell me." He leads you to the small couch.

"They cut my hours back at work again." You hate to tell him this. You are part time already, and it's a seasonal job, but apparently they hired too much help.

Levi sighs and holds you. "It's okay. Don't worry. We'll be okay."

Levi closes his eyes and tries to believe this. You went into marriage thinking putting both your funds together would work nicely.

You had a beautiful wedding with friends and family, and an even better honeymoon. Everything was perfect.

But then you came back home, and things started to fall apart.

Old student debts, a couple minor but important medical problems, the car breaking down, a rent increase.

It's been one thing after another and no matter how hard you try, something else always comes up.

Levis mother has tried to help out but you don't want to make things hard for her. Same with your family.

So instead Levi picked up a second job while you tried to at least keep the one you had while finding another, but everyone wants a job right now.

So some nights you've made less food, you've sold some wedding presents that though you wanted, didn't necessarily need. And though it's getting colder, you purposely don't put the heat up as much as you'd like.

You try not to cry but Levi senses it.

He pulls back and holds you cheeks. "I promise, everything will be fine."

You nod and sniffle. "I know. I just want it to be better now." You move closer and rest your head on his chest. Your happy place.

He plays with your hair and watches you move up and down on his chest as he breathes.

"You know what we need? A Christmas tree." He says suddenly, surprising you.

"But we don't even have dinner!" Your logical side says.

He chuckles and kisses your forehead. "Come on, trust me."

And of course you do. So you both put on your sweaters and get the car running and he drives.

You see the tank nearing empty and frown.

"Stop that." Levi reaches out to hold your hand as he drives.

You put on the radio to Christmas music and listen to Frank Sinatra sing you Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas Let your heart be light Next year all our troubles, will be out of sight"

You squeeze Levis hand as you wish it were next year.

Levi pulls into a Christmas tree lot and you look around, smelling the fesh pine scent.

"We'll have to keep it small." He tells you, and you nod.

"Thats okay." You don't mind. You're actually feeling a little more optimistic already.

Holding hands and looking at all different ones and seeing what's in your budget, you settle on a pretty nice four foot tree that will fit just fine in your house.

Levi pays and loads it up and you get back in the car. "And look, some money for decorations." He leans over to kiss you as you smile.

You go to the store and pick out the cheapest lights you can find. All blue, but they look pretty. You pick out red garland as well and a tree skirt.

"This will do." You don't want to overspend on all the individual ornaments when you could use this money elsewhere.

You put the things in the car and on the way out notice an elderly gentleman not looking well off, playing a guitar and using his case for tips.

You go to stand by him and Levi comes over to you, kissing your cheek.

You pull out a few dollars and throw one into the case for the man.

He thanks you and you nod, getting back into the car and closing your eyes.

"That's a nice thing you did, love."

You start to sob suddenly and Levi leans over to comfort you. "It's okay, let it out."

"I feel so stupid. I keep thinking we aren't doing well because I can't even make you a decent dinner but here we have enough money to get a tree and that man has to sit outside in the cold and ask for it!"

You wet his shirt with your tears as he holds you. "We're going to be okay." He promises you.

You pull back and wipe your eyes and nod. "I know." You let out a sigh. "Thank you."

He kisses your forehead. "Come on, let's grab a little something, we've both had a long day." He holds your hand again as he drives to a tiny diner and you pick up a meal that's for one person.

"I don't mind being cold at night sometimes, but we have to eat." You say once your inside and have the meal on the table.

You scrounge around for some other food and see some vegetables that would go nicely and bread that isn't yet expired and end up making enough with that and the warm meal you bought to be enough for both of you.

"See? You make wonderful meals." Levi encourages you and you smile, thankful for him.

You sit and eat by candle light to save on the electric and it's pretty cozy. You eat well tonight and go to put up your tree.

You flip the light switch so you can admire it and gasp. "It's beautiful!" You love the green, blue and red. It's your perfect little Christmas tree.

Levi holds you in his arms and kisses you.

"Thank you." You say, resting on his chest as you look at the tree.

"You're welcome, love." He kisses your forehead, and soon after pulls you to bed.

He folds the blanket twice and wraps you in it, while he takes the sheet.

"I don't want you to be cold." You say, holding him tight.

"Don't you worry about me. You just hold me and keep me warm." He smiles as you nod and try to move your weight onto him.

You exchange soft 'I love you's as you drift off to sleep.

Levi wakes in the morning, kissing your sleeping form, knowing you don't have to wake up yet.

He's a little cold but not freezing, and you seem pretty warm still.

He starts to get ready for work, wondering if there's any extra side jobs he can do.

Last night he dipped into the money he wanted to use to buy you something nice with that tree. But you needed it, and he was happy to give it to you.

After making sure you're still sound asleep, he locks up and heads to work, stopping to use a few dollars to fill the gas some.

He makes a cup of tea at work before his shift. It's not great but at least this way he doesn't use your water or electric.

His phone rings suddenly and it's his mother calling.

"Mom, what are you doing up this early?" He asks.

"I know you've been working long hours and wanted to say hello." She tells him.

He smiles. He loves talking to her.

"How are you Levi? How's my daughter in law? I'd like to see you soon." She isn't far away but knows you've been trying to adjust to married life.

"We're getting by." He says vaguely, and Kuchel catches the way he says it.

"Levi, what's wrong?" She asks in her mom way that says not to lie to her.

Levi sighs. "We're just a little behind on bills. Things are kind of tough. She lost some hours at her job and is worrying." Levi doesn't mention not eating properly or being cold at night, but he doesn't have to.

"Honey! You need to call me! I can help you." Kuchel cannot believe he hasn't told her sooner. All she knows if you two are very happy together.

"I don't want to bother you! I'm.. I'm really trying here mom." He let's his voice crack. All he wants to do is take care of you like you deserve, and not have to have someone come to the rescue.

"You keep trying your best. I know you both are, don't worry. And don't be afraid to say something!" She says sternly.

"Okay.. um. Look I'll pay you back, but can I borrow a little money? For gas and to get her something nice? I'll figure the rest out." He hates having to ask this of her.

"Of course! I'll drive over later before you get off. She doesn't need to know. And I'll bring you a nice homemade meal. You say you got it at your work party." Kuchel thinks of anything she can do for you.

"Okay. Thank you. I should go clock in now, I'm a little late. But, I really appreciate this." She's the best mother he could ever ask for. And he will pay her back.

"You go to work, don't worry about anything. I love you." Kuchel hangs up and starts planning.

At home you wake up and text Levi 'Good morning' not expecting anything back yet as you know he's working.

You fold the blanket and put on your robe and flip the switch to go look at your Christmas tree.

You sit there for a while and look around your apartment. It isn't much, things are difficult, but it's yours, yours and Levis.

Since your hours were cut back you don't have much to do today, and yet are feeling good.

You go for a walk in town and say hello to people and look at all the nice things in display windows.

You see an older woman carrying packages and go to assist her.

"Thank you dear! Would you help me upstairs?" She asks, and you nod.

You help her set the things on her table. It's a nice place. She has a grand Christmas tree.

"Thank you. Oh! I forgot to mail this darn letter!" She pulls it out of a bag.

"Oh, I can go." You offer. You pass a mailbox on the way and don't want her to go out again.

"Would you? That would be such a help. If it's not too much trouble, give this list to the bakery next door."

She gives you a list a page long.

"My family is coming for Christmas." She explains.

"That's nice. Anything else I can do?" It makes you feel good to be useful.

"I think that's all. I appreciate it. What's your name?" She asks, and you tell her.

"What a nice name. Do you have a fella?" She digs around in her purse.

"I do." You smile.

"That's nice dear. I hope you're very happy."

You nod, and she hands you another envelope.

"It's not another letter, it's for you. Do with it what you want. Thank you."

She sends you on your way with the letter, list and envelope, and you drop the things off like she's asked.

You stand on a side street and open the envelope. There's a thank you note.

"Thank you for your kindness. It goes further than you think. We never know what someone is going through. I wish you all the happiness. Here's a little something to brighten your day."

You dig in the envelope again and there's a little money inside and a small gold star Christmas ornament.

You smile and sigh happily. It's enough to do a little something with, and truly make your day brighter.

You think of the man playing guitar last night and hope the small contribution you made, made a difference.

Later in the day Levi has visited his mom and she's given him a little money, some food, and a bunch of hope.

"And don't you dare keep things from me!" She smacks his arm lightly, and he promises not to.

"What's that wonderful smell?" Levi walks into the house that smells of spices as he carries his own bags.

Today, when you greet him, you are in a much better mood than yesterday.

"Levi!" You stop your cooking to help him put his things down. "What's all this?"

He kisses you and tells you the truth. "Mom came by. I didn't ask for much but she insisted. Mothers intuition, I guess."

You look at the pans of homemade food and grin and laugh happily, hugging him.

"She's so wonderful! I had a good day too!" You smile.

"I see, what's that amazing smell?"

"We have soup in the pot and veggies roasting in the oven. It's enough for days! I even got some fresh apples and oranges. Now we have too much food!" What a good problem to have.

You tell him about your day and the women you met.

"She was very kind. I used some of the money and bought what was on sale to make this, donated a few dollars to a childrens fund, and we still have some money aside for bills! Not much, but it'll help." You say positively.

Levi holds your cheeks and kisses your mouth. "See? We're okay."

You smile and hug him as you finish dinner.

You eat very well that night and put leftovers in containers to keep fresh for the coming days.

Afterwards you pull out the little star ornament and together place it on your tree.

Levi makes the packs of hot chocolate Kuchel included and you sit and read A Christmas Carol together.

You share fond looks and smiles, and steal kisses throughout.

"I love you sweetheart." You say to him as you lay on the couch together.

"I love you too." He squeezes your sides lovingly and sighs as you run your hands through his hair.

"I'm going to pick up some hours tomorrow. And someone will give me their shift too, so I'll get a whole days work in." You tell Levi, happy you could find something.

"That's great." Levi wishes you didn't have to worry, or work. Maybe one day.

You both get ready for bed and Levi holds out a bag for you. "It's still days till Christmas, but I want you to have it now."

You sit on the bed together and open the large bag, pulling out a large, beautiful green fleece blanket.

You gasp and stand to open it. "It's gorgeous!" You admire it and Levi smiles.

"Do you like it?" Your reaction says you do but Levi wants to make sure.

"Yes!" You throw your arms around him and hold the blanket between you.

Levi chuckles and kisses your cheeks and nose.

"It looks so expensive." You note, looking at him.

"Don't you worry. It's fleece. A warm but inexpensive material. Wool was out of our price range." Levi explains.

You hug him tight. "Thank you my husband. For the tree, the blanket, always being there for me, no matter what." Somehow, you always make it work.

He holds you and strokes your hair. "You never have to thank me, my wonderful wife. You make me so happy."

What started as a dreary holiday season has started to turn around nicely.

Levi tucks you into bed that night, wrapping you both in the new blanket, putting the old one on top for extra warmth.

For the first time in a month, you don't go to sleep cold.

"Thank you." You whisper as you lay in bed together.

"You're never going to be cold again. I promise." Things will get better starting now. You're both sure of it.

END FLASHBACK

"But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

As you've been lost in thought, Levi has just finished reading.

You smile as you think of that first Christmas together. After that particular day, things really did turn around.

You both worked hard and things went your way, and slowly you caught up on your bills, had enough food every day, even enough money for small gifts, and as Levi promised, you went to bed warm every night.

You spent a lovely Christmas with friends and family and thanked Kuchel for her help, of which she brushed off and told you to always come to her. You send a thank you note to the woman you met, and you even found the guitar player again and made sure he had a nice meal.

Within a few years, thanks to steady jobs and promotions, your situation went from rough to fair to good to great. And you paid Kuchel back a thousand times over a few years later when you announced you were having a daughter.

"Mommy?" Your daughter looks up at you.

"Oh, sorry sweetie." You realize you had a tear in your eye.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

"Yes my love. I'm just very happy." You kiss her cheek and reach to hold Levis hand.

He knows what you've been thinking of, and is thankful that you've made all these new memories since.

Your daughter doesn't know the whole story, but does know one thing, and though she's been listening to her father read, she's been thinking of you.

She climbs off your lap and disappears into the hallway, your dog jumping up to follow his favorite person.

You look at Levi and smile. "Thank you."

He leans in to kiss you gently.

Suddenly your daughter comes back in with three other blankets and the dog following behind, making you laugh.

"What are you doing?"

She throws them all on you, spreading them out. Levi grins and watches.

She climbs back into your lap and hugs you. "You'll always be warm mommy. Right daddy?"

You smile widely and hold her tightly. "Thank you my sweet girl."

Levi leans over to hug you both. "That's right. And I love you both so much." He kisses you both back and fourth, making you laugh happily, even letting the dog up to cuddle with you.

Levi isn't sure how he got so lucky. He also always remembers that first Christmas, and how you stuck it out together.

All it took was a little help from loved ones, some kindness along the way, and a few fleece blankets.

[issahanko]

How to erase a bad bad weekend

How to erase a bad bad weekend, a bad memory, a bad experience, a bad conversation…

The memories keep flashing in my mind like a bad taste that keeps coming and going.

So many feelings, so hard to deal with and I feel so stupid not being able to just pass to the next thing. So here I am writing my heavy heart, I’m hoping it can maybe help.

As I start this text, I realize that maybe this could be a funny story, or maybe, my gentle reader will relate to me, and we could cry together.

I was urgently in need of a bit of money. I had just finished another diploma in December, and I found myself looking for an urgent job, it had been one month and a half and nothing.

Maybe because January and February are dead for job hunting… I told myself and everyone else around me to feel better, I have to be patient, I said in a very loud voice, maybe trying to convince myself to be patient, and it was not working…

My friend, which is in a similar situation calls me and says: Urgently! I have to know if you want a job! they pay cash! it’s from Friday to Sunday!

I said yes, of course! I trust her, she’s a hustler… I really need some money right now.

What we have to do in this modern world to have some money, in this economy, in this crisis, in this unemployed situation… could be called slavery, but let’s leave this subject for later.

I was supposed to sell bike clothes, plus triathlon and running clothes.

The guy made us come on Thursday to explain how this will be done during the weekend, although Thursday was not a paid time. My friend had to do 40 minutes of metro and 15 walking from her place to the job place, where we were going to work. But the guy wanted us to come on Thursday. He also wanted us to come an hour before the opening without being paid, although we said yes, it never happened.

So the guy’s name was Steve… Steve? What kind of name is that?

Hi, my name is Steve (pronounced Stif)… I wonder what you imagine with that name.

It was the opposite of the Steven Universe character. Zero charisma, he had a grim aura around him, when I remember him, I picture him wearing dirty clothes, a dirty face, dirty soul, Steve without an n.

This guy had a very bad looking silhouette, just imagine a bald, bad shaved, red eyed looking guy, with a beer belly and yellow teeth whenever he smiled, which was a rare occasion, or maybe he just smiled at moments when you are not supposed to smile, like a smile after a racist-mysoginist-homophobe comment…

This guy didn’t say hello…. As soon as he saw us, he said: do you go to the gym? Do you ride bikes? On the gym…?

Now, my friend and I are not fit at all, we have overweighted women bodies, but we take care of ourselves, we tidy ourselves, we love ourselves, we feel pretty most of the time. I admit, I got some kilos more during my degree, I did my last diploma in one year, one hell of a ride, and I’m a stress eater, so it was very easy to obtain my extra kilos. But of course, this guy didn’t see that. Maybe he wanted slim people, so the customers would feel more appealed or something. Although, he was not paying enough for a slim sales manager. He was not even paying enough for us to come on that Thursday, which we weren’t even paid.

So not a very good first start, right? I laughed it out, but my friend didn’t. I sometimes don’t understand a situation before it’s too late and my natural response is to laugh out everything. Whenever I’m nervous you will see me smiling.

Bla bla bla, biking clothes, bike accessories, biking glasses, how did you two meet?

- Oh, we were together at Uni, yeah, I was doing my ethnomusicology master at that time, oh! It’s like anthropology of music.

- So like when humans were hitting rocks one to the other and you call that music?

- jajajajaj…ja… yeah… something like that… Oh I actually have an interview in one hour, so I only have 15 minutes

Apparently, Steve didn’t like that, maybe he was planning on explaining every single item to us and take more of our free time, but I doubt it, the guy was not organized. Or maybe his natural face was of disgust…

I asked if he had business cards, he didn’t, also, the internet site that was announced on his business signs didn’t exist, he also didn’t have a special item he wanted to sell, and the sales signs advised discounts in a very so random way that it looked like a scam store.

So every time someone would ask where they could find the store… we just answered with the most vague phrase: oh! we are a mobile store… (you cannot find it anywhere) we move a lot between Ontario and Québec, oh sorry, the site doesn’t wok but you can send us an email with whatever you need, we will try our best to answer your request…

We? Well, I told myself that if maybe I got the appropriation of the store, people will believe that it was genuine, or like a family business, with Steve being our… uncle? I don’t’ know, I thought it was helpful, I was trying to help a human who didn’t deserve my trying.

Steve has a daughter though, 8 years old, she was on his 2000 model phone wallpaper. Poor girl with a father like that. Just, let me tell you the story. The guy hooked up with a woman 25 years younger than him, the problem is, he said it as if he was proud of it. He’s 62 yeas old… Steve is a 62-year-old father… of an 8 year old daughter. Oh! But her daughter is a flirt! She is in the boy’s hockey team, because she is too good to be in the girls’ hockey team and she likes to flirt with the boys…

I don’t know what is more disgusting, the fact that he thinks she flirts at that age, the fact that he is proud of his daughter being a flirt, or the fact that he is telling me this.

Pure disgust. Maybe I should add “rapist” to the list of adjectives I will describe him with. I know maybe some of you would feel sorry of him being so old and working in this hard work line, but my disgust is bigger than my sorrow.

And also, the conversation about his daughter started because he fucking asked me if I WAS SINGLE

FUCKING STEVE AND HIS FUCKING STORE

- Oh! Yeah, I have a partner and we are married.

- So like… are you lesbian?

(Shall I just send this guy to hell….?)

…..

- Well I consider myself bisexual and I’m married to a non-binary person. But you know this is really not important…

- You young people, your generation is so welcoming to this kind of stuff, I don’t know any of this things, so what is bisexual and what is non-binary

(Shall I just send this guy to hell….?)

-Well, bisexual is that you are attracted to a person regardless of their gender

- Well that is convenient

(Shall I just send this guy to hell….?)

-jajajaj… I am attracted to all the genders, not only one… and non-binary is that the person doesn’t feel like they belong to only one gender.

- so like a mix ?

- I mean there are people who are genderfluid, so they can feel one day one gender or non at all. And I feel that a bisexual with a non-binary is a perfect romantic alliance.

- So all that stuff exist, huh? Your generation is so different than mine

-oh! you have a costumer behind you

…..

The conditions to this job were just disastrous, we couldn’t sit (no chairs anywhere), we couldn’t just stand (because it is aggressive, the customer will not approach you if you just stand there, just try to scan the clothes, you can even check the tags so you can learn the technical terms… hey remember when I told to not just stand there…?), we couldn’t chat (I don’t want you to talk to each other, it shows to the customers you are not serious), and we only had 30 minutes of break to eat something, also we had bathroom breaks, which we tried to extend to the maximum and to distribute along the day. I really just wanted for this job to end.

But the worst of all was, that we had to deal with fucking Steve, not only his conversations were awful and the least interesting in the entire history of stories, but also he used to tap my back whenever there was a customer that he wanted me to attend. I wish to erase the memory of his fucking hand touching my back for those 2 seconds, he did it 6 times during the weekend. I wish to erase all of this, all this bad  bad weekend, but specially he touching my sacred body with his filthy hands. 

Every day that passed was harder than the previous one. Everyday Steve had to fucking complain that he was not making enough money, that his minimum was not attaint. Oh! He also had these stupid comments about us like:

- you are doing good… for beginners

- If you did some kind of sport, I’m sure you would have had more technical information to give to the clients, we would have made more sales

- It’s a shame you don’t know anything about bikes

And whenever we were letting a customer go, he would come and say: what was the problem, what did they wanted? (whatever answer you want to insert) ugh, next time send them to me. Or. Ugh you should have said this/that. You can also finish your sale with: what else are you looking for? Or what brought you to the Montreal’s Bike Convention?

Or whatever annoying phrase about any annoying sales topic or bike topic you could imagine.

Also, I forgot to mention, the main reason why he engaged us was so that we could speak in French to the clients. ‘Cause his sorry ass can only take one language in his stupid brain, the language of racist-mysoginist-homophobe-rapist white English. The frustrating part was when he started to explain to his customers:

- I engaged French girls so they can talk in French with the customers

First off, we are not in France you asshole, second, we are NOT FRENCH YOU FUCKING IDIOT, third, could you be more condescending you fucking pig?

And this is the whole point of this stupid experience. He did never ever said thank you, never, not even when we worked packing his stuff (that usually sales people don’t do) or pushing his merchandise on the cart to his truck, or when we worked for 30 extra minutes to help him pack his shit, or when his shit got all over the floor when he was pushing his cart down the ramp and was blocking the cart ramp and we helped him put his shit back to the cart and truck. And the more things went to hell, the more the guy was aggressive and screaming at us if we didn’t do things the way he wanted to be done…

Like: I didn’t tell you to do that! I asked you to put this thing in this box, not on that box!

- I told you first the wheels then the bars!

- No! Don’t put that there!

- oh… could you please push the cart to my truck?

And then, he almost didn’t pay us… or he was hoping we don’t do the math correctly so that he could pay us less than what he owed us…

- Girl, let’s count together because I’m getting stressed and can’t count

- No! Don’t count together, she’s already lost, gimme that… I’ll count for you!

Then… why am I saying he’s racist? My gentle reader may ask… Well, we had a black customer that asked if he could separate some clothes for him, he was going to do the convention tour and then get back to trying the clothes.

- you shouldn’t separate it for him, he’s not coming back, I know his kind

HIS WHAT NOW???

- Oh I meant that the convention is almost closing… I don’t think he will be back

And then he proceeded to tell me the most boring racist story of how one of his bosses in 1978 was racist, not like him. His boss didn’t believe a black successful woman was going to buy an expensive bag. Well fucking Steve didn’t believe a black customer was going to buy a fucking biking jersey that was so old as fucking Steve, all his clothes were shit actually. Well, the customer came and he bought the jersey.

A little girl was hanging around the convention during Saturday and Sunday and asked me and my friend if the clothes we were selling were used. It really felt like some kind of sport thrift store, all the clothes had the hangers sun marks, they were so old and used and so low quality that even with his fucking thin sales managers, he wouldn’t have attaint the fucking minimum that he wanted.

But lastly, we finished the job, we got our pay, we got out of that place, we left the old geezer behind, and my friend and I were left feeling miserable. We called our spouses, to reassure them we were alive, that we got paid, that we were going home. And then all the misery came to our bodies. My feet were hurting, but also my pride. And she started saying why should we go through this, why should anyone go through this. Why after all that we studied, after all that we travelled, after all that we have learnt, why do we have to take this kind of jobs, with this kind of guy in this kind of country. Why has the life treated us so unfairly… what have I done so wrong for me to be found in a situation like this. Why have all my studies done nothing for me. Why do I have to kill my feet and my pride to get a bit of cash… I’m an artist, I wish to create, to be happy, to give something to this cruel cruel world. But right now, I feel just miserable, as if my life had absolutely no meaning. As if I was born with the wrong feet, in the wrong time, the wrong place. Maybe if I was white, maybe if I was rich, maybe if I had picked fucking finance as my career. Just, maybe if I have had a bit more of luck.

But hélas, I’m here, right now, and the only thing that calms me down is writing and hoping to share this with you, my gentle reader.

Yesterday I had nightmares, and then I had a panic attack, and then I was all tears. But my partner was there, to tell me everything was going to be alright, that I will never see fucking Steve again in my life. And with the money I made, I can pay some bills.

Although the next day I still had flashes of this bad bad weekend, I still heard fucking Steve’s voice in my head… I had to pass to another thing, another project made with love, it was another day, a sunny one. And the problem is, I’m so desperate that I’m sure I will do it again, because I need the extra cash right now.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope you never cross a fucking Steve in your life. And I hope you will be happy, even if it’s only for an hour during the day. I hope the struggling times will pass fast. I hope you get to do art in your life, it’s the only savior, in this chaotic world.

[alyjojo]

December 😚 2023 Monthly - Gemini

Whole of your energy: 2 Cups

I don’t know if this is about a particular love so much as it’s about wanting love, waiting around for this connection that you crave and can feel is out there…but where is it? 3 Swords at the bottom, whether you’re in a connection or not, your work seems to be the 3rd energy here. You could work crazy hours, or just way too many, could be a night-shifter with The Moon here, and waiting for the sun to rise but…then you’re tired. Whatever this is, it’s unbalanced and comes in between you and having the kind of relationship you’ve been wanting.

What’s going on in December:

Justice rev:

It’s possible you’re still mourning a previous connection that ended badly, or maybe you were when you first took this all on yourself, you threw yourself into work to get your mind off of whatever you were going through emotionally. If not, you could just feel like you’re setting yourself up for failure. The last relationship itself - with secrets and outside issues, or the job and everything it’s asking of you. If you’re working 7am to 7pm, where is the time for finding a soulmate, it doesn’t exist. So many cards here show darkness, night time, and Moon energy. If a relationship has ended, you could be blaming opposite schedules, or maybe the job isn’t even yours, but theirs, and you can’t work with that anymore.

8 Pentacles:

Clarified by The Fool & Wheel of Fortune, The Devil at the bottom. This could be a job you needed to get from A to B, and you woke up one day and realized what…the fuck am I doing with my life? Like a work anniversary, happy 5 years!! And you’re like “Wait, I’ve been at this shithole for five years??” 😆 It’s not something you’re passionate about, like, or even want, it’s something that pays the bills. And now you feel so far invested into this that you’re stuck - The Devil. Maybe you’ve gotten so many quarter raises over the years that there’s no turning back now, nothing in this same field would pay you what you make at this place. All you have to sacrifice is…every second of your time 😕 or you feel that way.

9 Swords:

Your intuition could be nagging at you to make changes, do something. Page of Wands shows some inspired action is calling to you, some passion you love to do. You feel like you’re not meant to drive a forklift, you’re meant to make your own essential oils and do this shit on your own 💯 Queen of Pentacles can show you considering running your own business, or that could be your person if you’re already in a connection. It’s desired to put your energy into something that means something to you. But it stresses you out, 9 Swords, you run this over and over in your mind constantly. 5 Swords can show your inner voice being quite critical and mean, or you may feel very negative towards someone else who is wanting to do this, or already is - The Fool is here, for some they’ve already dived in head first. Or you have.

You could feel like you’re carrying a lot of unnecessary weight if this is your partner, maybe you’re the dominant paycheck and they’re hit or miss, whatever they make is extra but it’s not exactly helping you out, or reliable. You could feel bitter at how much is on your plate, like “glad you’re feeling fulfilled but I’m the one paying the bills IJS”. It’s imbalanced. Or that’s exactly what you’re afraid of, if you’re solo and don’t have any backup support, you can’t rely on what people buy or don’t buy…not at first anyway. You stress about this constantly.

2 Wands:

You’ve got plans in mind, King of Swords following shows you’re trying to remain emotionally detached, and just using your head when it comes to the financial details of what you want or need to do in order to get more money, maybe free up some time, tell this place to kiss your behind & you’re over it. 9 Pentacles is the plan, being independent & financially abundant, probably with some side business. You expect a jolt, a disaster, and you’re trying to prepare for any outcome, but moving forward in a way that makes you happy…and also pays the bills, you’re covered. Every side. For now. Probably working two different things, for some.

King of Swords:

Clarified by The Emperor, this is someone in charge 💯 Very responsible, intelligent, a business owner and a boss, there are strict rules and regulations having to do with whatever this is, could be red tape that needs to be addressed or causes your plans to change/maneuver in some way. Ace of Cups rev follows, 4 Cups at the bottom. Either once you start focusing more on fixing your work situation, you don’t even care about romance or love anymore, you’re feeling more in control than you ever have and put all of your efforts in that direction…or, you could simply be taking the middle path, talking to your current boss about the workload on your shoulders, how much you’re having to do, you need to switch hours or change them, voicing your complaints.

Some of you could be planning on leaving a relationship that puts too much pressure on you, again you could be voicing your concerns and expectations, what you need from this person, drawing boundaries. You’re not passionate about what they are, may not even care at all about essential oils, this could be the end for you. Or someone is doing this with you, could be either. You could also be deciding that the side work isn’t worth continuing, or needs adjusting. It’s not an emotional conversation, or decision, it’s strictly business.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Aquarius, Cancer, Aries, Libra, Pisces & Virgo

Oracles: ✨

39 Creativity 🖼

This is a profoundly creative time period for you - whether it is in the traditional arts, music, or writing - or it could be a new curiosity about exploring a way to funnel your creative urges. To be creative, you need to access your right brain - your emotional, sensing, feeling center. Do this by trying things you’ve never done before - get physical, dance, doodle.

When we acknowledge and act upon our impulse to create, we are aligning our will with Spirit. In this we can experience the flow of being on your highest path. Start creating and notice his time has no meaning anymore. Hours fly by before you realize it. It is not a struggle. It is pure inspiration. This card can also signify the birth of a child, or of a whole new way of being!

We enter into December as:

Gold Coins 💰

“I only seek to give you what you ask for.”

Gold Coins gently asks you to look at your relationship with money. Money doesn’t care where it goes. It naturally goes toward appreciation and gratitude. What we do with our own abundance makes the difference. Are you blaming something on money? Are you running from it? Be wary of using your financial situation as an excuse to avoid doing something you love to do. Are you questioning a relationship or career that is hitting a rocky time? It may be time to look for the good in it. Remember there are two sides to every coin. What you desire may currently be manifesting. Great riches are waiting for you to use them. You can ask the universe for riches or poverty, the universe doesn’t care, only you can change your inner experience. “Things” only hold value when we think they do. If there were no money, it didn’t exist, what else would you do? What else would you focus on?

What is to be learned in December:

Bernie Banana and All Things Yellow 🍌

“How can I choose?”

Have you recently faced a major truth about yourself and are trying to figure out where you do belong? Or are you facing some other kind of dilemma? Is your thinking cloudy because you think someone or something is cheating you out of your just desserts? Bernie has come to you to let you know you are not alone. You are being advised to approach your particular situation with an open eye and closed mouth. Do not say or reveal too much, your “knowledge” may prove to work against you, or you may be in the midst of a volatile situation. You are being told to play the neutral position, it will prove important later that you have not chosen any “sides”. Do not ignore your beliefs, simply do not publicize them, weigh your situation carefully. You’re in the winning position by being the observer. Answers will come by allowing a dilemma to exist, the situation is out of your hands. Something else requires your attention, leave well enough alone.

Yellow may be a lucky color 💛

[b0nelessdoodles]

Art Summary 2023

shoutout to the one month were i drew fanart and then everything else was just dnd content again lmao (also shoutout to me being late to posting this haaaaa)

2023 wasn't the best year for me personally. between money problems and job searching, health issues, mental health issues, unintentional discomfort at my new job, and the overall issues of the world it just hasn't been great and I felt it heavily in my creativity. I never really had any creative highs this year outside of artfight (and even then i felt like i didn't do well) which only fed into some of the issues I was having.

But looking back I am really happy with most of what I made! Sure I didn't draw much but hey I think I popped off when I did!

So here is to 2024! Already off to a good start in the art department and even if I slow down at least I've had fun so far!

(i was gonna put me gushing about things in tags but its a lot so i'm doing a read more this post is already so damn long lmao i'm sorry)

okay i'm here to gush about two pieces at a time and their contents cause then make me happy to look at so lets get started on that with march and september 'cause hey! look at the relationship development of my little goblin guy!

march was when kk (tic's best friend and now boyfriend) first appeared to the rest of the party outside of just tic talking about him. literally the entire party could see that kk was in love with tic and was just like "oh buddy sorry about that" 'cause tic was a dumbass and romance was just never something he thought about until meeting the party. then we flash forward to september where the two confessed to each other after what really felt like the end of tic's story arc. at least it felt that way to me 'cause he reached his goal of killing groll and becoming the king of goblins but i know he still has shit to do I'M LOOKING AT YOU TRAVELLER AND RIP! but yeah that was the whole reason he left and it was done. he did it! but it almost cost him kk and the two ended up having a really important talk about it. kk chewed tic out and spilled his guts and i still think about it a lot holy shit it was so good omfg but it was in that moment that it clicked for tic. that if he had actually lost kk he had no idea what he would do, that he felt like his whole life would fall apart without him. and just man it was good wholesome content. congrats to the goblins for being the first canon relationship! (even tho they were not the first confession that one goes to rhami!)

now that that block of the text is out of the way we get to more depressing ones, those being january and october with my guy, dr. cecil wilfree.

its just.... man. what do i even say about him. january was probably the last moment before his life went into a full downward spiral, eventually leading into his demise. that piece isn't even anything major but rather something like a reminder going "hey, remember when wilfree had two normal eyes? good times!" and just man (-insert that image of a horse standing on the beach-) compare that to where he's at in october and knowing what happened in those 10 months? january he still had trust and hope, he believed that he was going to get back home and help river out with his plague, maybe even get aster home if she'd let them, maybe find a way to cure himself and help casey. but by the end there was no hope and he found out that he had been used, was nothing more than a tool for someone who he trusted, despite knowing that he really shouldn't have. river was dead and it was his fault (at least in his mind it was), he had failed to protect aster and traumatized both her and willow, and he could do nothing to save an entire population from being wiped off the face of the map. and he caved under the guilt. he gave up. its sad to see him alive and pissy in january and then look at december and see a shell of the same man, no more thoughts in that head as his mind got disconnected from his body and self.

and then for extra sads we've got december which was his birth month, so i drew something from a time before the campaign. back when he was alive and well, no soul curse and unknowing of the horrors yet to come, and receiving a gift from someone whose life he could soon destroy due to his own hubris.

anyway! pay no mind to may! i didn't draw a damn thing that whole month!

[youstupidplonk]

Gene Hunt

Character Associations (This actually contains massive spoilers for the show so proceed with caution. Also it’s the longest one yet)

In Life

- Raised in a two up two down on the edge of the city centre. His father wasn’t good to the family and there often wasn’t any money to spare. His mum did odd jobs for the neighbours such as laundry and mending.  Gene got his first job as a paper boy at twelve. 

- By fifteen his father was gone. One night he disappeared without a trace, and it fell to Gene to be the main provider for the family. Leaving school he began to work as an dogsbody in the local police station. Making tea, fetching files and sometimes answering phones. It gave him his first taste of the career he would dedicate his life to. 

- Although there wasn’t a lot of money, Gene was allowed to keep some of his income to spend as he please, and it was with this money he would take his brother, or occasionally a girl, to the cinema, where he developed a love of Westerns. 

-At eighteen he began to train as a Bobby. He was often invited to share drinks with other officers, as most of these men were older, it lead to him to develop a taste for scotch, so he could continue to fit in. 

-In June 1953 it was decided that extra man-power was needed to keep the streets in order during the coronation of Queen Elizabeth II. He and his mentor Morrison were sent to the village of Farringfield Green. As it was so quiet Morrison decided he could stop for a tipple....the rest is history. 

In Death

- While living his “life” Gene saw projections on how he felt his world would have changed. His younger brother, in the absence of a positive role model, turned to drugs, leaving his mother broken hearted. 

-After meeting “Mrs Hunt” Gene became adamant the he never wanted children, due to a consuming fear that he would become like his father. Mrs Hunt did want children, which was one of the first cracks in the glass of their relationship. 

-As he grew older he began to form a band of brothers, like they did in Westerns, this group was the most loyal, dedicated team he could ask for. 

-Moving to London after the tragedy of losing Sam proved to be one of his most significant changes. It was in London he met Alex Drake, the women who would make him remember, who would be the first step in helping him find his own peace and also the first person he would ever properly fall in love with. 

Favourite Films

I’m going to skip favourite books as I do not see Gene Hunt as a reader, at least not reading anything beyond the paper. Films Howeber

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and High Noon - Goes without explanation

It’s a Wonderful Life - Despite everything he exuded to the people around him, the idea that someone, somewhere was watching out for him and the people he cared about was comforting. Especially in the aftermath of remembering who he was

Peter Pan - An unusual choice, but as the last film he took his brother and mum to see before going to work on Coronation Day, he always held on to it. 

Favourite Songs

We’ll meet again - Vera Lynn

Hound Dog - Elvis Presley

The Promised Land - Bruce Springsteen

Wild Horses - The Rolling Stones

Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf

Heroes - David Bowie

Casino Royale - Herp Alpert and the Tijuana Brass

December 1963 (Oh What A Night) - Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

My Way - Frank Sinatra 

War Baby - Tom Robinson

Ok, I think that’s everything I have to say about Gene. Honestly this is making me want to write a fic about his life before he died, I feel like there’s SO MUCH there. 

If you’ve made it this far then thank you for reading, I hope you’ve enjoyed this :D (a Sam associations is in the works!!!)

[heyhellohihowareyou]

Big Brother Maehara

Part 1 of Deck The Halls of December

AO3 Link

”Morning, my favorite people!” I made my grand entrance through the Isogais’ door.

“HIRO-NII! HIRO-NII!” Naturally, Yume and Yuki came out and each gave me a huge hug as I ruffled their heads. This basically has become a routine for us every time I walk through the door everyday.

“Ah, nice to see you Hiroto-Kun.” Ayame came from the kitchen with Yuuma following close behind.

“Nice to see you guys!” I greeted them as usual but I could tell something was up, “Um, Is everything alright?”

Yuuma sighed, “Everything is fine, Hiro. I just need to head to work, that’s all.”

This time, Ayame sighed, “Yuuma, I already told you, I have to go to work as well.”

“Who’s going to watch the twins then!? We don’t have the time nor the money to get a babysitter and I can’t just call in sick now!”

“I can’t either! I can only have so many sick days before I lose my job!”

“If that happens then I’ll just ask for extra shifts or get another job!”

“You can’t do that! You shouldn’t even be working in the first place!”

God, I really hate seeing them argue. Especially over stuff like this. It just makes me feel so powerless like I can’t do anything to help.

Ayame turned to me, “Is Haruko free today Hiroto-Kun?”

“No, unfortunately.”

“And I’m guessing Himeko and your mother are out of the question too, huh?”

I nodded.

Ayame sighed, “Looks like we’re out of options then.”

I looked down at Yume and Yuki who were still hugging me.

Wait, I could help.

I CAN help.

“I can help!”

Ayame and Yuuma looked towards me, then to each other, and then back at me again.

“You guys need someone to watch these two right?” I ruffled Yume and Yuki’s heads again, “Well, here I am! I’ll do it free of charge!”

The two of them contemplated for a while. Do they really have to think about this?

Yuuma scratched his head, “Well, I don’t see why not. Hiro does get along with the two of them a lot. Plus, he knows everything there is about him.”

“EXACTLY! How ‘bout it!?”

Ayame thought for a little while longer. She looked at the three of us and we made the executive decision to pull out our secret weapon,

THE PUPPY EYES!

“OH, alright!”

Works every time!

“Just PLEASE be safe and call me or Yuuma if anything comes up, okay?”

I gave her a soldier salute and she left to get ready. Yuuma stayed behind and looked at me in a concerned manner.

“What?”

“You sure you got this? They can be a LOT to handle. Especially, by yourself.”

Yume puffed out her cheeks, “HEY! We are NOT a lot to handle!”

Yuuma looked down at her skeptically.

“Mostly…”

I chuckled, “Don’t worry! You can count on me!” I gave him a reassuring smile and a wink.

“Alright then…”

Geez, is he that unsure that I can do this. It isn’t rocket science or anything.

.

.

.

After a while, the two of them finished getting ready and they still seemed hesitant on letting me babysit.

I want them to know that they can count on me. That they can rely on me. But they can’t do that if they don’t trust me first!

Ayame turned to me once more, “Please, be safe.”

“I will!” I saluted to her.

Yuuma went over to Yuki and Yume and placed kisses on top of their heads, “You be good, okay?”

The two of them nodded, “We will!”

“Ahem,” I coughed, “Aren’t you forgetting somebody?”

Yuuma rolled his eyes and came over to me. He cupped my face and placed a kiss on my forehead, “You be good too, okay?”

I nodded and smiled at him genuinely. Yuuma let go of my face and sighed before walking out the door with his mother.

How hard could this be?

I turned to Yume and Yuki, “So, what shall we do first?”

“CHRISTMAS MOVIE MARATHON! CHRISTMAS MOVIE MARATHON!” Yume jumped up and down with Mr. Usagi in her arms. Mr. Usagi is Yume’s old bunny. She carries that bunny around everywhere. He’s become old and raggedy over the years but she loves him nonetheless. Let’s just say, him means a LOT to her.

“December literally just started.” I chuckled, “You’re that excited about Christmas aren’t you Yume?”

“You know it!”

I turned to Yuki, “Well, you ready to get your Christmas on?”

He nodded.

Pfft this’ll be a piece of cake.

Yume turned on the tv and turned to a Christmas special. It’s one of her favorite specials and we tend to watch it almost everyday in December every year. I know the whole thing like the back of my hand at this point.

She sat down on the couch with Mr. Usagi on her lap and excitedly kicking her legs as the movie started.

Throughout the whole thing, Yume was quoting the scenes that were happening word for word and I couldn’t help myself but join in.

“The Christmas magic is fading!”

“What are we going to do!?”

“Whatever it takes!”

“FOR CHRISTMAS!!!”

The plot’s sort of basic. The Christmas magic is fading and it’s up to some kids from a poor family to fix it. The main character was the eldest brother who does everything in his power to make his family happy. He probably reminded the twins of Yuuma and I certainly can’t blame them.

“I’d do anything for this family! You hear!?”

I can definitely hear the resemblance.

The movie continued on and I could tell that Yuki was getting bored, “Something up Yuki?”

“Nothing.” He said almost monotonously. Again, he was clearly bored out of his mind.

“Do you wanna do something else.”

He shrugged. Hmm, something fun for Yuki? Ah, I know!

“How about we go to the mall after the movie?”

“Hm?”

Yume perked up, “REALLY!? I WANNA GO, I WANNA GO!”

I chuckled, “Don’t you wanna finish the movie first?”

“Pfft- I watched this movie about a gazillion times! I already know what happens! Now, MALL TIME!”

She rushed to the cubbies and put her shoes on. Welp, the mall it is!

I told the two of them to put on their coats since it was cold outside.

Once they did, Yuki tugged at my sleeve, “You sure you won’t get in trouble for this?”

I nodded, “I’m supposed to be watching you guys right? Well, it was never said that I had to watch you guys in the house, right?”

“Yeah, you’re right…”

“So, yeah! No problem!”

“But-”

Yume jumped behind him, “Who cares!? MALL TIME!”

“O-okay then…”

I coughed, “Yume, don’t forget…” I handed her Mr. Usagi, who she left on the couch.

“OH RIGHT! Hehe, sorry Mr. Usagi!” She took him from me and hugged him tightly

And so the three of us left out for our mall adventure. The mall has opened a new play area for kids Yuki and Yume’s age. They also have a STEM section there for kids to make anything they want. I know both of them will love it, especially Yuki. Who knows, maybe he’ll make a new friend

.

.

.

The mall was a far walk so we took a bus instead. Yume kept finding herself annoying the strangers riding with us and I kept having to pull her away. Thankfully, I was able to distract her and Yuki by putting on a video with my phone. What’s with kids and unboxing videos?

After some time, we made it to our stop. Before we got off the bus, Yume held Mr. Usagi and waved bye to the bus driver as we got off.

“Yume, you really need to stop talking to strangers.”

“How else am I supposed to make friends?”

I pondered for a while, “Just…just talk to people around your age.”

“What about Yuuma?”

“He’s an exception.”

“What about mom?”

“She’s also an exception.”

“What about you?”

“Okay, so just talk to people your age or people you already know, alright?”

“Alrighty!”

I chuckled and shook my head, “Now, MALL TIME!”

“YAY, MALL TIME!” The two cheered excitedly and we walked towards the mall.

We eventually made it inside of the mall and Yume jumped up and down excitedly. The mall was decorated with Christmas apparel all around. Wow, December just started and they’re already prepared for the holidays.

“Okay, now where is that play area…”

“Hiro-Nii, wait wait!” Yume tugged at my sleeve.

“What’s wrong, Yume?”

“Look, look!”

I looked towards where Yume was pointing and saw a line of kids in front of a man dressed as Santa Claus.

“IT’S SANTA! Can we go over there? Please, please!?”

“Sure! I don’t see why not? But we’ll have to wait in line first so please be patient Yume.”

“Hey! I’m always patient!”

I looked down at her skeptically.

“Mostly.”

“Let’s just get in line.”

“YAY!”

I looked down towards Yuki, “You want to wait in line for Santa Claus, Yuki?”

He fiddled with his hands for a few seconds, “Um, sure.”

“You’re sure you’re sure? You don’t sound very, uh, sure.”

He nodded, albeit more confidently.

“Alrighty, then!”

We walked over and got ourselves in line with the other parents and kids waiting.

Yume “patiently” leaned back and forth on her feet with Mr. Usagi in hands while Yuki went back to watching a video on my phone.

I watched as kid after kid sat on Santa’s lap. Some kids just sat there wholesomely and others were screaming and crying. I really feel bad for these mall Santas sometimes. Hopefully they’re getting paid well enough.

Soon enough, it was our turn and Yume tugged at my sleeve again, “Hiro-Nii? Is it okay to talk to Santa? He’s not a stranger, right?”

“Yes, Yume. Santa’s not a stranger. Everyone knows him and he knows everyone. He’s safe to talk to.”

“Yay!” Yume ran up to Santa and excitedly sat on his lap, “Hey hey, Santa!”

“HO HO HO!” The Santa chuckled, “Well, aren’t you an excitable one? Now, care to tell dear old Santa what you want for Christmas um…”

“Yume! Yume Isogai!”

“Alright Yume, tell Santa what you would like.”

“Right, right! Hmm…” Yume scratched her head while thinking, “OOH! I GOT IT! I want to be a princess! OH and with a HUGE castle that can fit me and my family inside, please!”

Ah, That’s just like Yume, wishing for something so wholesomely exaggerated.

“HO HO HO!” The Santa chuckled again, “What a wonderful wish young Yume! I’ll see what I can do about it!” The Santa gave her a wink and patted her on the head.

“Really!? Thanks Santa! You’re the best!” Yume hopped off of his lap and came back towards us, “Your turn, Yuki!”

Yuki looked up from my phone and made eye contact with Santa.

Santa smiled brightly at him and Yuki immediately started to cry.

I bent down to comfort Yuki, “Don’t cry, Yuki! Santa’s friendly! No need to be scared.”

He didn’t stop crying and clinged to me tightly.

“Can’t you hurry up!? There’s other people in line, y’know!?” A lady behind started to yell and repeatedly tapped her foot with her kid in hand.

“Hehe, sorry.” I said while trying to hide my annoyance with her. I attempted to scoop Yuki up but struggled slightly. They’re really getting bigger, huh? “Sorry, Santa. He’s just kind of shy.”

“HO HO HO! Shy seems to be a bit of an understatement, doesn’t it?”

“Hehe, yeah.”

“AHEM!” The lady behind me started to get really impatient and on my last nerves.

“Okay okay! I get it! Geez!”

I carried Yuki out of line with Yume following behind us. After struggling to keep him up for some time, I put him down, “You alright, Yuki?”

He wiped his eyes and nodded.

“Oh, Yuki…” I ruffled his hair and took a look ahead, “Hey, look! The play area’s over there! Let’s go, okay?”

“O-Okay.”

“YAY!” Yume jumped with Mr. Usagi in hand and ran ahead of us.

“Wait for us, Yume!” I took hold of Yuki’s hand and ran after Yume.

We made it to the kid area and it was less packed then I expected. I saw two women sitting down in chairs. One was looking at what I’m guessing was her kid and the other one was scrolling on her phone.

I saw a small jungle gym for kids to play in with a ball pit underneath it. I also saw a small section for arts and crafts and a dollhouse almost my size. The things wasn’t as nearly impressive as I heard but I guess you can chalk that up to it being new and all.

Yume immediately jumped into the ball pit with Mr. Usagi in tow. Meanwhile, Yuki went to the crafting section and got himself to work.

I sat down in one of the chairs and watch the two of them do their stuff.

The lady who was previously watching her child turned to me and smiled, “They’re so cute! Are they yours?”

I looked at her confused.

“Those kids you just brought in.” she clarified, “Are they yours?”

“Oh! Um, no! I’m just babysitting for someone I love.” I rapidly shook my head. She does realize I’m too young to have kids, right?

“Oh well that’s sweet! You see my kid over there?” She gestured over to a boy sitting at the crafting table with Yuki. He had a handful of crayons and was rapidly scribbling them all on a single sheet of paper. It hard to tell what he was trying to make, if anything, but whatever it was, Yuki was on the other side of the table looking at the boy both in confusion and terror.

“Yeah, he seems nice, hehe.” Those poor crayons.

“Mhm!” She smiled at me sweetly.

From that point on, I continued to watch the kids play. The lady’s son kept trying to talk to Yuki which only earned the kid slight mumbles. Meanwhile, Yume put her attention onto the dollhouse and got herself into character. She gestured me to come over and so I did.

“Sup, Yume!”

“I need a good dragon.”

“Well, you’re lucky I’m here! Best dragon in the East!”

“Yeah but, I can’t find any dragon dolls.”

“Guess we’ll have to improvise!”

“Impro- what!?”

“Improvise! Work with what we have!” I looked around and spotted a pterodactyl figure, “Ah, this could be our dragon!

“But, isn’t that a dinosaur?”

“Is it?”

“…It is.”

I looked at her in disbelief, “Come on, Yume! Where’s that imagination of yours!?”

“I’m sorry but dinosaurs are just so…GLOOMY! They don’t really go with the vibe I’m trying to go for.”

“And dragons do?”

“Yup! Dragons are fun and terrifying and stuff! That dinosaur just looks sad and gloomy.”

I thought for a while, “Well, maybe that’s a good thing!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Maybe this dragon…”

“Dinosaur.”

“WHATEVER! Is from a gloomy place that sucked the joy out of everything. This dra- DINOSAUR, tries to go from kingdom to kingdom to find joy for itself but never could.”

Yume seemed to brighten up at that idea, “But the princess of happiness shows the dinosaur joy and stuff and turns him into a dragon!”

I laughed, “There’s that Yume imagination I know I love! Now, let’s get to work.”

“Yeah!” She smiled brightly as we started the plot of our fantasy. I put on my best gloomy dinosaur impression which made the “Princess of Happiness” laugh. I may be a gloomy dinosaur, soon to be dragon, but I swear for as long as I shall live, I will keep a smile on this princess’s face and that’s a promise!

We continued on with our fairytale when Yuki came crossing his legs, “You okay there, Yuki?”

“Bathroom please.” He whispered towards me.

“Oh right! I should have made you guys go before we left. Hehe, my bad!”

Yuki looked at me blankly.

“Bathroom! Right! Uh…” I looked around the room and no bathroom was to be seen, “Um, there should be one nearby. Yume, come on, let’s take your brother to the bathroom.”

Yume shook her head, “Sorry, too invested. Go without me.” She continued on with the fairytale.

“I can’t just leave you here. I’m supposed to be babysitting you!”

“Don’t worry, I’m reponsible!”

“Responsible.”

“That’s what I said!”

“Well, don’t you need to use the bathroom, too?”

“Hmm, nope!”

“You sure?”

“Yes!”

I sighed. From the looks of things, Yume isn’t going to budge.

“Hmm…” I looked over to the lady from earlier and got an idea. I got up and walked over towards her with a grin, “Heeeeey miss?”

“Yes, young sir?

“Um, If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, could you keep an eye on her over there?, I gotta take this one to the bathroom.” I patted Yuki’s head.

“Sure! I don’t see why not.” She smiled brightly at me.

“Thanks! You’re a lifesaver! Let’s go, Yuki.” I grabbed Yuki’s hand and left out of area in search for a nearby bathroom.

I scanned around for a bathroom and found one near some fountains. I held on to Yuki’s hand and ran over.

I opened the door to the men’s room for Yuki and followed him in. I might as well go in, too, I guess.

.

.

.

I already finished my business but Yuki was taking quite sometime and I was getting concerned.

I knocked on the stall he was in a couple of times, “You okay in there, Yuki?”

“Um, yes?”

“You don’t sound sure?”

He paused for a couple of seconds, “Hiro, I didn’t really need to use the bathroom.”

“Huh? Wait, then why did you…”

“That kid kept trying to talk to me and I didn’t know what to say so I got scared and asked to use the bathroom. That’s what I do at school.”

“Oh, Yuki…” Yuki’s a very shy kid if you couldn’t tell already. Talking to new people isn’t really his thing. The only reason he’s okay with me is because I was always around him growing up so he’s used to me. When it comes to other people, even kids his own age, he avoids them like the plague. It always makes me so sad to see him like this, “You can’t hide in there forever!”

“Yes, I can!”

I sighed, “Look, I know talking to new people can be scary sometimes but that doesn’t mean you should give up trying. There’s a lot of shy kids like you out there waiting for a new friend! They just have a hard time talking to others, like you.”

He didn’t respond to that.

“Hm, I knew a shy kid once.”

“You did?” That seemed to spark his interest.

“Mhm! It was hard getting him to talk but we found common interests and we soon became friends! But even while we were friends, he was still a shy kid. He only clung to me during school. When he got older, he came out of his shell and became a leader for his classmates and his family. Now, he’s one of the coolest guys I know.”

He paused for a while again, “So, who was the kid?”

I chuckled, “Your brother.”

“Wait, Yuuma was shy!? He’s always so confident and he always knows what to say and stuff!”

“You can be like that too, Yuki, but you got to learn how to come out of that shell of yours. Don’t let fear get the better of you, okay?”

He didn’t say anything but I heard some shuffling around in the stall. After some seconds, the stall opened.

“I think I’m ready to go now.”

I smiled at him, “Alright, Yuki.”

Yuki washed and dried his hands and we went back to the kid area.

Once we made it back inside, I looked over to the dollhouse but noticed Yume wasn’t there. I looked around the jungle gym but didn’t see her there either.

I went over to the lady from earlier who was still sitting in her chair, “Excuse me, but where’s Yume?”

“Hm?”

“The girl I told you to watch earlier?”

“OH! She went to the bathroom!”

“The bathroom?” Of course Yume goes to use the bathroom after saying she doesn’t need to, “And you just let her?”

“Yup!”

“Why? I told you to watch her!”

“I did! I watched her walk right out of here!”

I groaned, “How long ago did she leave?”

“Some time after you left.”

That means she was gone for quite some time considering how long we were gone. Yume isn’t shy like Yuki so I don’t think she’d be hiding in the bathroom. Something’s up!

“Sorry, Yuki! You can try to talk to that kid later. Right now we gotta find your sister!”

I grabbed onto Yuki’s hand and ran straight towards the bathrooms.

Once we made it there, I realized that I couldn’t go into the girls’ room on the account of me not, y’know, being a girl!

I panicked for a moment until, “You okay there, sir?” A lady tapped my shoulder.

“Not really. I’m supposed to be babysitting and one of the kids I’m watching went to the bathroom a while ago but I’m not sure if she’s still in there or not. Could you check for me?”

She nodded “Sure! What does she look like?”

I patted Yuki’s head, “Like him but with slightly longer hair. She should also be carrying an old bunny with her.”

“Okay, on it!”

“Thanks, you’re a lifesaver!”

The lady nodded and went inside of the women’s restroom leaving Yuki and I outside. We waited for a couple of minutes and then the lady came back out.

“Well?”

The lady shook her head, “Sorry, no sign of her.”

“Ugh!” I wanted to tear my hair out. I fucking lost Yume. What am I going to do!? I sighed, “Thanks for the help anyways.”

“No problem. I’ll come tell you if I find her.” She waved and left.

Yume couldn’t have gotten too far, right? There’s no need to worry. Definitely!

I calmed myself down and turned to Yuki, who seemed to also be stressed out over this, “Don’t worry, we’ll find her. We just gotta keep looking, okay?”

Yuki nodded. I took his hand and squeezed it tightly. With determination in mind, we set forth in our search for Yume.

I guess the most logical thing was to contact mall security but I didn’t want to blow this out of proportion. She couldn’t be THAT lost, right? Besides, I already had a few ideas of where she could’ve went.

First we searched in the arcade. The arcade has a bunch of bright lights and games she’d like to look at. Now, she doesn’t have any tokens on her of course but when it comes to arcades, Yume is more of a looker than a doer. She’ll probably stand by and watch others play the games.

I asked around the arcade to see if anyone saw Yume. Unfortunately, I was out of luck.

Even then, I still had hope. Still holding onto to Yuki’s hand, I went into the nearest clothing store.

Yume loves hiding inside of those clothing rack thingies. She also loves the smell of new clothes too. There’s a high chance she might be in there.

Yuki and I went in and checked each and every one of those clothing rack thingies. We got a couple of weird stares in the process but we didn’t care, we were on a mission.

I asked the person who was working there if she had seen Yume but again, no luck.

Geez, hide and seek was never this hard.

Next, we checked over to the bakery. All those pastries on display, no way she could resist standing and staring at them all.

I went up to the baker and asked him about Yume and like all the other times before, we had zero luck.

I ended sitting on a nearby bench with Yuki beside me. I learned my head back in exhaustion and sighed.

God, what am I going to do? Yume could be anywhere by now. What if Ayame and Yuuma find out about this?

I moved forward and put my head in my hands.

They’ll never want me in their house again. No more head pats and warm meals from Ayame. No more hugs and kisses from Yuuma. Damn, first time being in a committed relationship and what did I do? I lost my boyfriend’s younger sister in a FUCKING MALL!

I moved my hand and started to chew on the the tip of my thumb.

And Yume! What if something insanely bad happened to her. I swear I’ll never be able to live with myself.

I was tugging at my hair when I felt a small hand patting my shoulder. It was Yuki, I saw he was giving me a small but reassuring smile, “We have to keep trying.” He said in a quiet voice but loud enough for me to hear.

I tried to smile at him back but from the way it felt, you could easily tell it was forced. Yuki certainly could tell and frowned. He sat there contemplating for a while and looked around. He saw something and got up from the bench. I turned to where he was going and he didn’t see something, he saw someone. It was the kid Yuki was having trouble with talking to earlier and his mom was observing some of the pastries from the bakery.

Yuki slowly came up to him, head hung low, and patted the boy on his shoulder.

“Oh, hey!” The boy grinned at him widely.

Yuki didn’t say anything instead he just waved.

“I never got your name before! Mine’s Kiyoshi Yamamoto but you can call me Kiyo if you want!”

“Um…” Yuki took a deep breath, “I’m Yuki.” He started to play with the hem of his shirt, “Um, uh, do you think you can, uh, help me?”

“Hm? What’s the problem?”

Yuki sighed, “Well, we can’t find my sister. She came to play area with us earlier. She went to the bathroom before but now we can’t find her.” He started to mess with the ahoges on his head, “We’re twins so we look similar and yeah.”

“Wait, I think I've seen her!”

I lit up at that and ran up to the kid, “Wait wait wait, You have!?”

“Yeah, I thought she was Yuki at first and was confused on why he changed clothes and junk.”

I bent down to his eye level, “Tell me, where was the last time you saw her?”

He scratched his head in thought, “Oh, I remember! I saw her chasing after another girl holding an old bunny!”

That old bunny must’ve been Mr. Usagi! But why would another girl have him?

“Did you see where they went?”

“Ummm, near the food court, I think? Hard to tell.”

“The food court! Of course!” I took Kiyo’s hand and shook it rapidly, “THANK YOU! THANK YOU!”

“Hehe, no problem!”

I stood up with joy, “Come on, Yuki! Let’s go get your sister!”

“Bye, Yuki!” Kiyo waved at him.

Yuki waved back and we ran off. Wow! Thanks to Yuki’s communication skills, we managed to find out where, Yume might be. Damn, I’ve never been prouder.

We ran and ran all the way to the food court, maneuvering around other passersby’s. I made sure to check behind me every now and then to see if Yuki was still behind me. I already lost track of Yume, don’t wanna lose track of Yuki as well.

I checked behind me to see if Yuki was there one more time, which thankfully he was, and ended up tripping on nothing but my own feet.

“Ugh!”

Yuki ran up to my side, “You okay, Hiro?”

“Yeah, I-”

“Please! Just give him back!” I was interrupted by the sound of… wait a minute, Yume!?

I immediately got up from the ground and turned the corner. There she was, we finally found Yume! There was a girl in front of her as well but I wasn’t even paying attention to what was happening. I just ran up and pulled Yume into a tight embrace. I never wanted to let her go again!

“Hiro-Nii?”

“Oh god, Yume! I thought I lost you forever!”

Yume turned around and hugged me back, “Sorry if I scared you.”

I pulled away and looked at her. Then I looked to the girl in front of her, who was hugging Mr. Usagi tightly for some reason, “So, what happened.”

Yume crossed her arms and spoke, “Well, after you two left for the bathroom, I needed to use the bathroom as well so I went. When I came out, I saw that girl holding Mr. Usagi so I ran after her. I’ve been trying to get him back this whole time!”

I stared back at the girl.

The girl puffed her cheeks out, “Finders keepers!”

“But, he’s mine!” Yume cried out.

“I don’t see your name on it!”

“Mr. Usagi is his own bunny, okay!?”

“Okay, calm down you two.” I said in an attempt to defuse the situation. I turned to the girl holding Mr. Usagi, “Hey, where’d you find that bunny?”

“I was in the play area and found it in the ball pit.”

Ah, she must’ve lost him while she was playing in there. I don’t think I remember seeing him while we were playing pretend, “Look, that bunny you’re holding is rightfully hers. Please just give it back.”

The girl rapidly shook her head from left to right.

Yume started to tear up a bit, “Please, my dad gave him to me.” She sniffed and started to mess with her dress, “I really want him back. Please!”

The girl was stubborn and still refused to give him back.

“HEY! WHAT’S GOING ON!” We were interrupted by some guy who was like, two times my freaking size!

The girl ran behind him, “Big brother! They’re trying to take my bunny!”

Her “big brother” in question turned to me in rage, “IS THAT TRUE!?”

Yume and Yuki squeaked in fear behind me while I stood my ground, “Sorry sir, but that bunny isn’t hers. He rightfully belongs to this girl right here.” I patted Yume’s head, “Your sister found him in the ball pit after Yume accidentally left him in there. Can you please convince her to give him back? He means a lot to Yume.”

He looked down at his sister and back at me, “How about…no!”

“Huh!? Why!?”

“My sister found it, fair and square!”

“But he doesn’t belong to her!”

“Tough cookies! Your sister shouldn’t have lost it, Goldie Locks!”

Ignoring the fact that he called Yume my sister, and me “Goldie Locks”, I was seriously starting to get irritated and stepped up to him closer, “Look, even if she lost him, that doesn’t change the fact that he rightfully belongs to her! So please, give him back!”

“I said no, shrimp! Maybe if you’re sister wasn’t dumb enough to lose it in the first place, this never would have happened!”

I turned back and saw Yume started to actually cry. BASTARD! I tried to be reasonable at first but now I was fucking pissed! He could insult me all he wanted but he had the fucking audacity to call sweet Yume, dumb! That bastard, “Look, I don’t know what your deal is exactly but I’ve told you time and time again, that bunny is Yume’s not your sister’s! That can’t be so hard comprehend, or are you just too stupid to understand anything!?”

That seemed to piss him off but I didn’t care, I was pissed too!

“I don’t know who you think you’re talking to exactly, but I could literally pulverize you if I wanted to!” He grunted while pounding his fist into his other hand, staring right down at me.

Then, I got an idea. A very stupid idea.

“How about a bet then!? Winner gets the bunny!”

“Hmm?”

“First, to pin the other down by any means necessary is the winner! You up for it? Or are you too scared!?” Look, I know it seems like I’m talking out of my ass at this point but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get Mr. Usagi.

Or I’ll never be able to live with myself.

The large dude cackled, “I see you have a death wish! Alright I’ll take you on, but I won’t be going easy on you!”

“Right!”

Apparently our little feud caught on to others around us and a large circle developed around the food court. Even the people working there were in the circle. Well, talk about not wanting to blow things out of proportion.

Before our battle for the bedraggled bunny, Yuki tugged my sleeve.

“You sure this is safe, Hiro? What if you get hurt OR WORSE!?”

I bent down to meet him at eye level, “Now, I’m absolutely TERRIFIED! But, if having to fight that behemoth to get Mr. Usagi back to Yume, I have to try it, okay?”

Yuki looked at me blankly for a while but then nodded his head in agreement.

I turned back to the giant before me and stared him down.

I heard some of the doubts from the people in the crowd.

“Can’t way to see how this’ll go down!”

“Yeah, no way he’s going to survive!”

“Ginger’s going to get his ass handed to him!”

I didn’t care. I’m not doing this for them. I’m doing this for Yume.

That’s all I need!

We started to circle around the court with the crowd chanting, “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!” and the titan lunged forward in an attempt to grab me.

Luckily, I’ve managed to maneuver around him before he could lay a finger on me. That made him furious and his attacks grew even more hostile. He resorted to punches and I dodged them all making him enraged. This seemed to wow the crowd a bit more to my side but I knew I couldn’t keep dodging him forever. I gotta pin him down or I’ll never be able to get Mr. Usagi back! Think, Hiroto! Think! You’re an assassin! Well, not really but THINK!

Unfortunately, my thinking didn’t last long and he managed to grab onto my collar. He picked me up slightly and threw me onto one of the tables that still had food on it. I laid there for a while but saw him coming towards me and immediately rolled off.

I splashed one of the drinks in one of his face, which wasn’t affective at all and only made things worse, “Not a pepsi guy, gotcha!”

He tried his luck at punching me again but was to no prevail, although he was getting closer by the second.

I can’t try hitting back, it’ll give him an opening to attack. The best course of action is to immobilize him some-

“HIRO-NII! LOOK OU-”

Shit.

…

I wasn’t able to complete those thoughts. All I saw was black.

Damn, that was one heck of a punch he pulled…

It felt like he kicked me down a couple of times as well…I don’t think I can get up…everything hurts…

Shit.

Hehe, just had to take them to the mall, huh?

Now Mr. Usagi is going to live with some other little girl. Not Yume.

Ha, I remember when she lost Mr. Usagi in her house once and wouldn’t go to sleep until we found him. Of course we did end up finding him and she was able to sleep soundly. That was like a year ago.

How is she supposed to sleep now?

I already have to make sure Yuuma goes to sleep when he’s supposed to, now I’ll probably have to worry about Yume as well. And if she’s not sleeping, Yuki’s not sleeping, and if none of the kids are sleeping, Ayame’s not sleeping either.

Great going, Hiroto. You were supposed to take away their stress and somehow you did the exact opposite. Now they’re all going to be freaking insomniacs and it’s all your fault!

They really don’t deserve the things life decides to put them through and because of me they’ll probably have to waste money and buy another bunny for Yume. Another bunny that’s not Mr. Usagi.

I remember the exact day when their father gave her Mr. Usagi. She was crying more than usual and there was nothing we could do to get her to stop, until Yuko came in that is. He came home from work while I was staying over, trying to comfort Yume as well. He gave her a present and her crying came to a stop. Of course the present was Mr. Usagi and she’s never been without him since.

That’s the only memory she had of her dad. He died the next year. She doesn’t know much about him other than the fact that he was the one that gave her Mr. Usagi.

God what would he think now?

…

Actually…what would he think now?

Hold on…what am I doing?

Yuko always had this “Never Say Never” mentality. He wouldn’t think too kindly of me just giving up like this.

“It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get back up.” I always heard him say.

I slowly started to open my eyes, seeing the fluorescent lights above me shining down on me…

Get up, Hiroto…

I got my sense of hearing back slightly and all I heard was Yume screaming, “HIRO-NII! PLEASE GET UP!”

Get up, Hiroto. 

I slowly started to push myself off of the ground. I heard Yuki yelling, “GO HIRO! GO HIRO!”. Heh, probably the loudest I’ve ever heard him spoke. 

Get up, Hiroto!

I was sore, very sore, but I had to get up, for Yume’s sake. I promised that for as long as I shall live I would keep a smile on that princess’s face and I will be sure to keep that promise! 

GET UP, HIROTO!

I got up and stood my ground again. The crowd turned around and I could hear a couple of gasps and murmurs. The meathead turned around and looked at me in both confusion and frustration, “The hell!? Why aren’t you down!? You lost!” 

I stuttered out a chuckle, “You knocked me out but…you didn’t pin me!” I stretched in attempt to help the soreness, “I’m not going down just yet! I! NEED! THAT! BUNNY!” 

“You really do have a death wish huh!? There’s no way you’re going to beat me! Especially with how you look right now! Might as well just give up!” He cackled. 

I shook my head, “No, I’m not giving up! That bunny belongs to that princess right there!” I pointed to Yume in the crowd,“Until I get that bunny back, I’m never giving up! No matter the cost! I’LL DO ANYTHING FOR THAT FAMILY, YOU HEAR!?”

“WHATEVER! Pinning you shouldn’t be so hard! Let’s make this quick!” He tried to lunge forward again but was quickly weighed down by something or rather, somethings. It was Yuki and Yume and they were holding his legs tightly, “What in the-”

“WE ARE NOT LETTING YOU HURT OUR HIRO-NII ANYMORE!”

“YEAH!”

He tried to shake them off, “GET OFF OF ME!” 

I couldn’t just stand there, I had to do something while he’s occupied. I looked around and spotted some tinsel around a pillar. I hastily ran over and untied it.

Meanwhile, the gargantuan was trying to pry Yume off of his leg. I came from the other side of him and pulled the tinsel around his neck making him fall back a bit. I pulled some of the tinsel down to wrap around his torso and waist. He still had trouble moving with Yuki and Yume on his legs. I tied the tinsel into a sturdy knot making it hard to get himself loose. 

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS STUFF MADE OUT OF!?” 

He tried to wiggle his way out but it was no use.

Yume and Yuki let go of his legs

and he turned to attack me.

Luckily, the cup that splashed at him earlier was still on the floor and out of his line of sight. He ended up stepping on it and tripping. He fell face first onto the floor and me, Yuki, and Yume used this to put advantage. Yuki and Yume sat on his legs while I had my knees on his back. 

The crowd started to count, “One, Two, THREE!” 

We won. WE WON! 

“THE GINGER IS THE WINNER!”

I’m not even going to comment on that.

The, um, damnit! I ran out of the descriptions! Whatever, the guy underneath us rolled and rolled, “You can get off me me now!” 

And so we did, “So, you’re going to keep your promise or what!?” 

He sighed, “I wasn’t expecting you to actually beat me. I guess a bet’s a bet. Sorry, Chiyo. Give the girl the bunny back.” 

“But! But!” She looked down at Mr. Usagi and puffed out her cheeks, “FINE!” 

She walked up to Yume and handed Mr. Usagi to her, “Here!” 

Yume took him graciously, “MR. USAGI!” She pulled him into a tight hug.

“Um, I’M STILL TIED UP!” 

I chuckled, “O-oh, right! Sorry!” I helped him up and untied him. 

He walked over to his sister and Yume gave me a small, but big, hug.

“THANK YOU! THANK YOU! You were so awesome Hiro-Nii! You were like a ninja or an assassin of some kind!” 

“Pffft- ASSASSIN! That’s a bit of an exaggeration, hehe. Besides, you two were awesome as well!” I ruffled both of their heads. 

“YUKI!” Out of nowhere Kiyo came running. 

“Kiyo?” 

“I saw everything! I didn’t know your big brother was so cool!” 

I waved my hands repeatedly, “Oh, I’m not-”

“Yeah! He’s the coolest!” Yuki interrupted me for some reason.

Kiyo grinned, “Well, I’m going to be back here on Sunday. Do you think you’ll be able to come too?” 

“Hmm, I’ll try!” 

“Great! I have to go now, see you soon Yuki!” Kiyo waved as he left and Yuki waved back.

I tapped Yuki on the shoulder, “Um, Yuki? You do know that Yuuma’s your big brother, not me right?” 

“Well, I think both of you are!” 

I looked down at him in confusion. 

“You both will do whatever you can to make me and Yume happy! You watched us grow up and was always there when we needed you. Sure, you may not be related to us but we still consider you to be our big brother!” 

“Yeah, we don’t call you “Hiro-Nii” for nothing!” Yume chimed in. 

I couldn’t help but feel myself tear up. I sniffed and let the tears roam free. 

Yuki’s expression changed into worry, “OH, Hiro-Nii! Are you okay!?” 

I sniffed, “Y-Yup!” 

“But you’re crying.”

“These are happy tears, Yuki! I just love you two so so much!” I pulled them both into a hug and squeezed them tightly.

“We love you too, Hiro-Nii!” 

I have two older sisters so I was always considered to be the younger brother of the family. But I have to admit, being an older brother doesn’t sound half bad. 

I wiped my face, “You guys wanna go home? I’m really tired.” 

They both nodded simultaneously.

“Alrighty! Hm…” A thought crossed my mind for a second. “Before we leave, I have to do something. Follow me you two!”

With the twins behind me, I made my way to the nearest toy shop. I found the fluffiest bunny and bought it. 

“Who’s the bunny for?” Yume asked. 

“You’ll see.” 

I looked and looked around until I found who I was looking for, “Come on you two!” 

It was the little girl Chiyo and her older brother. The both turned and looked at me in confusion. I bent down and handed her Chiyo the bunny I bought, “Here, your own Mr. Usagi. Feel free to name it whatever you want!” 

She looked at it at awe, “Is it really for me?”

I nodded. She took the bunny out of my hands and squeezed it tightly, “Thank you so much, mister!” 

“No problem!” I looked at her brother and we exchanged nods.

I turned to Yume and Yuki, “Now we can go.” 

I took Yuki’s hand in one of mine and Yume’s in the other and we headed off. 

Damn, today was a day. 

.

.

. 

After all of that, we made it back home. Ayame and Yuuma still weren’t home yet so all three of us decided to finish that Christmas special that we watched a bunch of times before. 

Eventually, Yuki started to fall asleep and Yume came following after with Mr. Usagi in her arms. They both ended up going to sleep and I cover both of them with my sweater. I couldn’t help myself but give them kisses on the top of their heads as well. 

The door started to unlock and then it opened up with Yuuma on the other side. 

“I’M HOM-”

“Shhh- They’re sleeping.” I gestured to the sleeping twins beside me. 

“Ah, okay. What happened to your face?” 

“Nothing, just, uh, fell off of something.” 

“You fell off of something?” 

I nodded 

“Okay?” 

“Ayame still at work?”

“Yup. You guys had fun?

“Oh, you have no idea.” 

He took off his shoes and sat down beside me. “Well, I’d love to hear all about it.” 

“Yeah but,” I yawned, “I’ll tell tomorrow, I’m starting to get sleepy, too.” 

“Okay. Sorry if it seemed like I doubted you before, seemed like you had everything handled.” 

Yeah, right. 

“It’s fine, it was a great honor.” I leaned my head on his shoulder. 

“I’m sure it was, you’re like another brother to them.” 

“True, although you’re waaaay better than I am at this older brother stuff.” 

“Come on, you’re good too.” 

I yawned “Let’s just say we’re both good.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

We continued to watch the rest of the Christmas special until I fell asleep on Yuuma’s shoulder. 

I’m going to have to tell Yuuma about what happened today sooner or later. Never realized how hard being a babysitter, and older brother, could be. But seeing those two grow up and giving them the happiness they so rightfully deserve, makes me believe that it’s worth it.

[twen-nee7]

it is the first week of june, 2023. my partner was supposed to be here at the end of april. he moved to portland, oregon, at the beginning of 2022 and we planned to live there together, but things didn’t work out on his end, and we decided to regroup in west virginia for now.

he got very sick in april. there’s a lot going on. i wish i could afford to go see him in the hospital, but i can barely pay the bills. we were supposed to see the cure together this sunday ):

weird little story below the cut.

march, 2022: partner moved to oregon, having landed what he thought was his dream job in appraisals.

i wasn’t thrilled. i don’t like cities, they aggravate my sensory issues, but i was living on disability with my dysfunctional and sometimes-abusive mother; i just wanted out.

i was putting in hundreds of job apps for the portland area, but then my partner stopped me. he hates it. we shouldn’t live there, get a job where i can tolerate and he will figure it out. he planned on being here in december.

i got my bachelors degree and a shitty job as a proofreader at a law firm, secured a place to live near the office in west virginia, and eagerly awaited my partner to get here.

except, he couldn’t find a job. his industry is niche. it’s how it is. march, he said. still no job. finally, he finds one! yay! april!!!

i’m barely making ends meet. any extra expense is impossible as i eat every third day of the week. soon, it’ll be okay and i can have food daily and not cry about money, maybe fix my credit score.

the flight date is inching forward, but my partner gets kidney stones. one is the size of a quarter. he goes to the hospital.

no antibiotics. no urinalysis.

tw: graphic?? his urethra is shredded, and he needs to use a catheter until it heals. they send him home. it develops an infection, so he goes back; he is in the hospital for a day as they siphon liquid out of his penis with a giant needle. there’s no way he’s making his flight. reschedule.

the day before he flies out, he has a high fever on his antibiotics. i tell him to go to the hospital, and he does. they run tests… and he has MRSA. in his penis. they give him antibiotics, but don’t listen to his allergies.

his heart stops for four and a half minutes after they administer antibiotics he is allergic to.

there is an indescribable feeling that comes along with someone you love being resuscitated from actual death. the story of what he saw was harrowing, yet enlightening.

that hospital lets him out the next day after they killed him, giving him pills for MRSA after a mere 24 hours on IV antibiotics. plane is rescheduled.

it is the day before the flight, today, but he isn’t going to be here.

a week ago now, he went to a new hospital. the MRSA spread. he had a stomach ulcer. his penis was turning blue.

due to the mistreatment from the prior hospital (which likely gave him MRSA in the first place, along with a whole slew of other problems), the bacteria was running rampant, eating his penis from the inside out. sounds kinky, but it has eaten through so much muscle and tissue that the outlook isn’t great.

my partner is the most cishet person i know. as such, he is very attached to his genitals. as of this weekend, he has daily talks with therapists to help him learn to cope with the very real possibility that his penis will be useless sexually. reconstructive surgery is in his future, and he will “only” lose “some” feeling if he’s lucky. (the use of therapists indicates to me that “functionally useless” will be the most likely outcome, though)

i feel so badly for him. truly. i can’t imagine what he is going through right now, all alone… it’s terrible.

i’m not worried about my end of the sex life, but i am worried for him. i find it odd, though, and maybe feel somewhat at fault for always saying i’d never date anyone who could get me pregnant… maybe i shouldn’t have thought like that. it’s stupid to feel guilt right now, too; my partner, who i’ve been with for seven years, is suffering a continent away from his friends and family.

but… the whole thing. it’s so odd.

[swiftontumblin310]

Okay quick folklore cardigan rant since the OG cardigans are currently back in stock (which was something I always wanted so of course I got one—and it already shipped🤯)

So on this day in 2020, I was in my “early retirement” era. Not much going on being it was quite literally the middle of quarantine in the pandemic. All I was doing was finishing up my school program and studying—that was my job.

When Taylor announced folklore and released it, I feel like it was a historic moment—for her catalog, for us-the fans, and just the way this album helped out so many people during an unknown time.

I, like a few other, purchased the album and the OG (real OG) cardigan that day. Now here’s where the rant begins! When Taylor released the cardigan music video, her cardigan was slightly different than the ones we, the fans, had to purchase. Her’s had the “taylor swift” logo on the bottom right rather than the “folklore album” patch on the chest. That bothered me SO MUCH. And then I go on social media to see all of her rich, famous and beautiful friends being gifted with the cardigan to promote her album. GENIUS, genius marketing. This created more fury for me because all of her rich friends were gifted the cardigan without the obtrusive “folklore album” patch version on the chest. The ones, we as fans, had to buy with our own money.

So the merch store was a true disaster in 2020. I remember, again not much going on in the world, so the merch was extra exciting for folklore for me. I remember ordering the OG folklore cardigan along with the CD and the blue “stars around my scars” blue crewneck (which I never go bc I canceled it since I was so mad). I kept the cardigan and CD order and after placing the order on July 24, 2020–I actually got my cardigan in early November, like right before or right after the 2020 election.

So then, I’m happy. Love the cardigan and move on. THEN, Taylor surprise releases evermore (my baby album that helped me so much during December 2020) and with the release of evermore, the cardigan with the “taylor swift” logo on the bottom got released!!! After 5 months of waiting for the cardigan, the one I actually wanted was released, along with the other colors. I didn’t get it bc I was mad and I just gotten the one I ordered in July.

So basically, since the cardigan drama of 2020, I longed for the OG cardigan with the logo on the bottom. I even bought a dupe off Etsy in 2022. And now, 4 years later, the OG cardigan WITH the “taylor swift” logo on the bottom is available and you bet I bought it😂

That’s my cardigan 2020 drama. Now I will officially have the one I would have preferred after 4 years.

Maybe, if we just hold out hope, we’ll finally get our biggest ISO items!

[reno-the-himbo-turk]

update time/day pt 1

Okay so I feel the need to post an update for everyone. Where have you been/whats been going on with the lack of activity? Okay so this answer is several fold. Firstly back in September I had to put my ESA cat down named Princess. I had her since winter 2011, she was found by my parents on the parking lot of their job. She had to be put down because she had lung cancer that was causing blood clots and she could no longer walk or jump without stumbling/falling over and her heart was not strong enough for treatment. I spent close to 2k USD on her treatment and ensuring she passed comfortably and that didn't include getting her a nice urn as I don't know what I want to do with the ashes a whopping 7 months later. I then spent the rest of September and all of October mourning heavily. Eating/Drinking and everything fell to the waist side. It did not help that my family was trying to be supportive in the wrong ways and then screaming/bitching me out for getting upset at their idea of support. November I had extra days off preplanned because of daylight savings time so I found and made myself a tattoo appointment to get her name and pawprint tattooed on me in memory. I did that and originally i'd planned on waiting until December to try and recoup more money since two grand is a lot of money. My therapist didn't think i'd wait that long and despite some for lack of a better term personal shaming in a discord server where someone was talking about "how they prefer to give time to mourn the animal and treat them as their own person" The day after I got my tattoo I took a bunch of donations to an animal shelter and figured i'd look around. That was when I saw him. This sad little kitten with a cone and only 3 little legs looking so broken in a cage and stitches where the 4th leg should've been, he pawed at me and caught my jacket when they were trying to take him out to clean the cage. I filled out the forms and met with him and he curled up right in my lap in between exploring and I knew then and there I needed to take him home with me. After that he came home with me and the healing slowly began. The rest of the adults in the house love him and the dogs are scared of him for some reason. Come mid to late November I got really really sick. I was sick for over three weeks and the doctors didn't do much of anything. First week I tried OTC, second week I broke down and went to the doctor and they said have a cough suppressant but no real meds because of (insert medical condition you have) but then offered me medical advice that goes against my medical condition. Week three I went and saw a different doctor in tears who wrote me a script for an antibiotic and sent me on my way. I sort of got better for maybe a week or two before someone else close to me got sick and then I got sick again. This time I went to the doctor right away because OTC meds were fucking with my eyesight and the male nurse/receptionist was having a mini melt down on my behalf and as it turns out there is a giant ass note in my medical file that i'm FUCKING ALLERGIC to them. The doctor pretty much told me to keep taking OTC meds but did give me an antibiotic script this time. This time it took another 3 weeks to get better. Part 2

[phantom-of-this-bitch]

(TW: thoughts of death under the cut)

I got my blue badge meaning I'm finally full time this morning and my final written for rate right before I left. I'm losing my house at the end of the month and the friends I moved in with don't really talk to me anymore. A few months ago I had just gotten my job at Amazon making the most money I ever have finally letting me become financially stable, my friends would still play Fortnite with me, and I wasn't thinking about how I'm about to turn 23.

23. That's how old I'll be when I die. I've known it since middle school thanks to reoccurring vivid dreams showing me how it happens. Walking between the middle and high school buildings with my friend group from elementary I'd tell them, "you only have to put up with me for 12 more years."

They only put up with me for 5. I was quietly phased out of the group my senior year as I started hormones. I thankfully made my way into a new group of outsiders the same year. That group splintered after graduation; some pieces finding each other again to bond into a new creation, but there's always an extra piece left over to be tossed away.

I don't know where I'm going with this anymore. I guess I'm just tired of being the leftover piece. I guess I just wish I could have found my bond before my final year.

My birthday is next month, the 25th of December. I don't want to see it because I know deep down it'll be my last. I haven't gotten top surgery, I haven't found a long love, I haven't gotten my own place with a bookshelf and a cat. I haven't hit any of my goals and at this rate I never will

[alyjojo]

Gift Ideas For Your Cancer - December 🛵 2023:

What they want: 7 Pentacles & The World

What they need: Knight of Cups & The Lovers

The thought behind it: Ace of Pentacles & 5 Cups

Main Energy: Page of Cups

Gift ideas for Cancer:

In the preshuffle I heard that “Whip It” song from the 80’s, and then it changed to the Swiffer song from the (old?) commercial, and I laughed 😂 and said “a cleaning service?”, then 6 Wands came flying out as confirmation - YES. That’s not what came out as the main energy here, but it’s definitely for someone that’s super busy and burdened, they can’t keep up with everything they have on their plate plus an extra five hours to clean, like those hours are for much needed (and not enough) sleep, and they would deeply appreciate something like that.

The main energy here is heavily about romance, if this is your person they *need* you to go all out for them 💚 They just want something to end, I don’t know what’s ending or what needs to, but they’ve spent a lot of time dealing with, working on, carrying something that they just want to be done with, be successful or fail idfc anymore just be done! Could be a job, some may have lost a job, lost a partner, there’s been an end to something…or not quite over with but they want it to be. They need to be cheered up. Or for someone, this could be your energy, wanting to do something nice and you don’t have a lot of money. You could offer work, like a “cleaning service” or even a baby-sitter, with Page of Cups here, but for cheaper than whatever the going rate is.

1. Elaborate, romantic, well thought out dates. This can include anything and ought to be personal to your Cancer, Page of Cups can also represent a proposal for some. I’m getting if you don’t have a lot for a diamond ring 💍 you could propose with a much smaller, less expensive but cute…ring with a heart, or their birthstone, some simple but cute romantic quote. And then they can pick out their own later on, someday, less stress on you 🤷🏻‍♀️ Or ask their parent/sibling/friend to dig for info, surprise! Or maybe you’ve already done that and it’s time for an upgrade. Super specific. Otherwise any gesture of romantic interest, love, date nights, time alone together. If not your person, jewelry is a safe bet, the sweeter the better.

2. Different options to something they already love. First thing I got with that was hot sauce, marinades, or spices, like a whole pack of 10 of them, and I specifically heard lemon - someone likes lemon flavors the most 🍋 Or fish? Heard fish too. Maybe sushi, or supplies to make sushi…but not food specifically. They just want options, they’re tired of one flavor, regarding everything. Hopefully not lovers 🤭 That is here so, if that’s on your list. Do not take it if it’s not, it would be a known thing.

3. A vegetable 🥕 garden, starter kit, a greenhouse, pretty ceramic pots or gardening things generally. Bonsai. Aloe. Mint. Mostly for money, but I’m picking up on Cancers that want to make their own stuff, their own veggies, their own clothes even, self sufficient and a clean & recycling conscious way of doing things. Whatever is useful for their space, indoor/outdoor, not everyone can have a full fledged vegetable garden, but herbs sure. I heard “mushrooms”, and I’m seeing this guy I watch on YouTube that makes vegan things with Lion’s Mane mushrooms, specifically, they’re big and chonky idk if they’re expensive, probably if you use a lot of them. If your Cancer uses a lot of those, growing them at home would be great. That idea - with anything. If they are obsessed with a particular thing, how can we do this at home?