#I like to think Mal is sensitive to nature

[horsetailcurlers2]

do you have any headcanons about reginas upbringing with cora and/or her relationship with the king? i know it can be a sensitive topic on here but imo theres no way they both didnt abuse her in some way shape or form

yes i very much do and they are all objectively awful and sad. i’m a bit hesitant to answer for a couple of reasons. the first reason is that i definitely have an idea of what she went through in my head but to write it out is very different than to just have it in the back of my head when i think of or read anything about her character. the other reason is that my headcanons aren’t anything new. they’re all things lots of other people have thought or written about. however, i do have thoughts so i will try my best. TRIGGER WARNING for child abuse, marital rape, and mentions of eating disorders.

-cora was abusive. hands down, there is no ifs, ands, or buts. even from what they show in the show (it’s an ABC sunday night family show. when it comes to the especially dark topics, they are usually vague or just stick to heavily implying things), we see her manipulating and gaslighting her daughter, being extremely controlling and critical, and physically restraining her in aggressive and violent ways. i think cora was definitely physically abusive- she often used magic instead of her hands because she rarely wanted to mar regina’s beauty.

-i can see her doing things like restraining regina when she was very young if she ever “misbehaved”. i have an image in my mind of little regina being tied to a chair and forced to endure hours of etiquette lessons. cora probably would direct painful bursts of magic at her if she ever misstepped. she’s definitely struck regina before- probably mostly slaps. but she probably would heal the marks with magic (besides maybe the lip scar but i don’t have one solid headcanon about how she got that)

-regina definitely grew up hearing the philosophy that children should be “seen and not heard”. she rarely got to do anything childlike. maybe she was allowed to play with dolls or indulge in dress up games if cora was in a good enough mood to ignore her for the day, but cora probably started telling her she was too old for things like that when regina was around eight or nine.

-regina was probably also very isolated as a child. she rarely socialized with other children outside of rigid balls and parties. she spent most of her days with private tutors or learning how to be a “proper lady”.

-image is extremely important to cora. the only thing cora truly valued about regina is her looks. this has resulted in an complex about her looks even in adulthood. the regina we see in the show is clearly a person who values her appearance. even as the evil queen, she presents a very carefully curated image to the world. if there is one thing that cora has beat into regina, it is that appearances matter. she rarely likes to be seen without makeup and she is very particular about her outfits.

-i also think this contributes to a complex about her intelligence. her mother was always belittling her and calling her a “stupid girl” and her so called husband never had any interest in hearing what she had to say about anything. this is part of why magic is so seductive to her- she can prove that she is more than just a pretty face. (i also have dragon queen headcanons about mal being one of the first people other than daniel to be interested in her intellect)

-i also believe that cora was probably cruel to regina about her darker complexion and would make her wear light makeup and powders and avoid staying out in the sun for too long. same thing with her hair- she taught regina to dislike her natural curls. she always had to iron them out straighter or reshape them into more “perfect delicate ringlets” (like snow’s hair), or hide them with braids. this all feeds into a fucked up whitewashing thing cora definitely perpetuated.

-and her body. especially as she got older, cora was very strict about what regina’s body was supposed to look like. she was supposed to be beautiful and desireable to male suitors, which in cora’s mind= thin. cora would control what regina ate on a daily basis and essentially had her on a starvation diet. i definitely headcanon regina as having issues with eating just based on a few comments she makes in the show and one line in “regina rising”. even as an adult, regina can still hear cora’s voice in her head when she eats or looks at her body in the mirror. to cora, regina’s body has always been a commodity and it has to be maintained like one. this is a very very hard mentality for regina to shake.

-i have very complicated feelings about henry senior. on one hand, he was the only loving presence in her life for a very long time. on the other hand, he was never strong enough to protect her- not from her mother’s abuse and not from being sold off to a fifty year old man. i think that although he was the thing she loved most, she also resented him a bit deep down. (side tangent: i think regina has a deep seated complex about single fathers because of this. like, look at her issues with jefferson, hansel and gretel’s dad, and owen/greg’s dad. it’s almost like she is punishing them all for not being able to protect their children). and he felt a lot of guilt about never intervening until it was too late and she was consumed by darkness- i think he was in a way resigned to his death. he didn’t fight that hard against her killing him because he felt like he was finally making a sacrifice for her happiness or he was paying some sort of penance.

-the king. ughhhhhhh. okay i have made a few posts before about how creepy king leopold is but let’s just state it very plainly: that man raped her. what business does that man have marrying an 18 year old stranger? she looked visibly distressed when he proposed. there is no way he thought she was super into it. “snow needs a mother”?????? one that is barely eight years older than her?? when she has a perfectly good nanny taking care of her. no, that man has a thing for young girls (just look at eva in those flashbacks) and he wanted a beautiful young wife to warm his bed.

-this is horrible and dark, but i believe regina’s wedding night was her first sexual experience. as much as i would have liked daniel to be her first time, there’s almost no way she would have gotten away with it when cora kept her on such a tight leash.

-he treated her like an ornament. he dressed her up and paraded her out to balls and parties only to ignore her all night and dote on his daughter. if cora treated her like a commodity, then leopold treated her like a doll. something to entertain snow during the day and to entertain him at night.

-snow of course was ignorant to all of this darkness until many years later. she thought she had a very happy childhood with her father and stepmother. this is part of why she has such a hard time reconciling her kind and loving stepmother with the cruel and evil woman who wants her dead.

-regina learns early on not to refuse him. that it is easier and less humiliating if she lets him have his way. i can’t even describe how awful and traumatic i think her wedding night was.

-i really don’t know if he would have been physically abusive in other ways. i think he had an inflated ego and probably bought into all the people calling him a “kind king”. he thought that he had a right to her body and she was the one out of line for not happily obeying him. but i wouldn’t be surprised if he got physical with her in other ways, considering the way he canonically locked her up in her room and read her diary.

-his is the one murder she will never regret.

-she likely had long lasting trauma surrounding sex. after the end of her marriage she is so consumed by her rage and thirst for revenge. she gorges herself on the freedom of finally having control over her own body for once in her life. this is a big part of why she goes so crazy as the evil queen.

-i personally think that regina never really thinks of her marriage in terms of what it was. like, she knows she hated it and leopold was awful and disgusting. but she never attributes the word “rape” to it al until many many years later. she still has it ingrained into her mind from her mother and her husband, that she was his wife and it was just her duty. she doesn’t even fathom that it’s possible for a husband to rape his wife. i think she eventually goes to therapy or one day she is watching something on tv and they talk about marital rape and something just shifts within her. suddenly she feels so vindicated. she can finally put a name to it. for years, she thought she was being dramatic and that rape was something that happened with strangers and not within a marriage bed. it is both terrifying and incredibly cathartic to finally name what she went through.

ugh i’m sorry to end on such a sad note. regina has gone through way too much (obviously this doesn’t absolve her of all the evil she has done, but it definitely explains a lot of it and nobody should have had to go through all that).

[storyofmychoices]

For the life of me, I can never remember any of my characters' birthdays besides the twins and Olivia's. I'm hoping that this will help me keep track of the others... like Nyx's birthday is tomorrow! I almost missed it!!!!

Reasons for Birthdays:

January 10: Ellie Shepherd-Ramsey [profile] [masterlist]

Ellie is definitely a Capricorn

I loved the palindrome of 0110 for her birthday

I wanted to make this Ethan's birthday too, I thought it was cute if they had the same birthday, but I already had 4 Capricorn characters

January 13: Nyx Selenastra [profile] [masterlist]

Capricorn: respectful, hardworking, patient, self-disciplined, cynical, cautious, practical, resourceful

January 13 is also Make Your Dream Come True Day and I loved that for them

January 19: Thomas Hunt [masterlist]

Thomas is a Capricorn to me. He's dedicated, professional, disciplined, organized, practical and hardworking.

January 19 is also National Popcorn Day

March 06: Alex Hunt [profile] [masterlist]

It's my birthday and Alex was my first MC / OC that I really started writing for

That's really it!

The Capricorn/Pisces compatibility is an added bonus:

Capricorns are known for their practicality, ambition, and grounded nature, while Pisceans are often imaginative, intuitive, and emotionally sensitive.

Capricorns can provide stability and structure to the relationship, while Pisces may add creativity and emotional depth.

March 09: Olivia Hadley [profile] [masterlist]

Olivia is my Pisces baby. She is so much like me, and I didn't even realize it until I read her back and saw myself.

Pisces: creative, empathetic, generous, romantic, open minded, compassionate, unselfish, loyal

My first crush's birthday was March 09 🙈

March 9 is National Barbie Day, I didn't know that when I picked it but I still like that it fits

More about Olivia's zodiac here (including compatibility with Bryce)

April 10: Daenarya [profile] [masterlist]

Daenarya felt like an Aries: risk taker, optimistic, courageous, confident, dreamer, curious, helpful, and on and on

I can't remember why I chose the 10th... I'll update when I do!

April 23: Aerin Valleros [masterlist]

Aerin felt like a taurus: clever, patient, loyal, resourceful, brooding, and jealous.

Natinal Take a Chance Day (also Lost Dog Awareness, and somehow Aerin is just lost dog who needs a good home vibes)

June 06: Felicity and Vincent Hunt [masterlist

My aunt who was like a second mom to me passed away many years ago and I still miss her. I chose her birthday June 06 as a way to remember her and keep her with me for the twins

The twins being Geminis seems so lovely!

July 25: Mal Volari [profile] [masterlist]

Leo: loyal, loving, determined, persuasive, overly dramatic, guarded

July 25 is National Wine and Cheese Day and I just think Mal would appreciate that

August 20: Trystan Thorne [profile] [masterlist]

Leo: Ambitious, dynamic, confident, courageous, charismatic, romantic, decisive, stubborn, pretentious, arrogant, smug ass (self-described)

I can't remember why I chose this specific date 🙈 It'll come to me!

August 27: Lilah Rose [profile] [masterlist]

This was my grandmother's birthday and I just like keeping her alive through Lilah

I also thought Lilah could be a Virgo: analytical, reliable, hardworking, perfectionist, intelligent, overly independent

September 22: Ethan Ramsey [masterlist]

I initially wanted Ethan to be a Capricorn with perhaps the same birthday as Ellie, but I thought he could be a Virgo: analytical, reliable, hardworking, perfectionism, intelligent, critical, picky, practical, stubborn

I love Lost so September 22 is always in my thoughts.

September 23: Beckett Harrington [masterlist]

Libra: intellectual, responsible, meticulous, love of learning/knowledge, devoted, balanced, argumentative

September 22/23 is the Autumnal Equinox, so I liked the balance of an equinox for Beckett

October 25: Bryce Lahela [masterlist]

Scorpio: determined, brave, loyal, honest, ambitious, passionate, intelligent, charming, calm

More about Bryce's zodiac here (including compatibility with Olivia)

November 26: Malia Lahela [profile] [masterlist]

Born on Thanksgiving Day 2023

Sagittarius: charming, energetic, adventurous, inspiring, generous

December 22: Emma Carlyle [profile] [masterlist]

Capricorn: respectful, hardworking, organized, patient, reliable, cautious, struggles with asking for help

December 21-22 is the Winter Solstice so I liked that for her birthday (and now that I chose the autumnal equinox for Beckett, I like that they both have a special connection to the earth)

[lilisouless]

Alina: maybe we have to redefine what fits on "its an emergency, come quickly"

Nikolai: its a million dollar plan, all we need to do its letting weird people to record us in a house

Zoya: we are NOT doing a reality , nothing its real anyway

Nikolai: duh, thats why i am assigning each one of you a role to play. I will be the protagonist

Zoya: there are no protagonist in reality shows

Nikolai: Zoya...please...alright, my role will be the guy with incredible charm, incredible leadership skills but still likeable that everyone admires and its incredibly modest. It will be easier since well...i play that everyday.

Mal: and i guess i´ll play the loser guy

Nikolai: i admire your self awareness Mal, but no, i actually need you to be my best friend which i have a borderline homoerotic relationship with that will be the most talked thing about the show. Now come here and hold my hand in a platonic-not so platonic way, and you better use a mint on our brotherly new year eve´s kiss

Mal: out what now?

Nikolai: We also need a diva, a queen, a girl who is cruel, rude but so and charming that people will see her rudness as "brutal honesty" and claim her as absolutely iconic, and we have the perfect person for the role, the only woman with the talent of creating such a charismatic yet outrageous persona...Zoya...

Zoya: ugh, if it means so much to you, then i-

Nikolai: plase move, i need to talk to Genya.

Zoya: seriously?

Nikolai: Genya, would you do the honor?

Genya: do i get to write my own lines and choose my victims?

Nikolai: absolutely

Genya: deal

Nikolai: now, Tolya, you will be the sensitive man

Tolya: oh, does that mean i get to recite my poems?

Nikolai: better...you´ll learn to play acoustic guitar, i need to you play it in every second the camera is on you.Now Zoya and Alina will be most of the time fighting over me-

Alina: no!

Nikolai:...over Mal?

Zoya: no!

Nikolai: ...over being Genya´s bestie?

Zoya & Alina: fair enought

Tamar: now if you think Nadia and I will kiss for a creepy male audience...

Nikolai: actually, i thought you could be besties and a come out as a couple a year after the first season...

Zoya: you want more than one?

Nikolai: Like, our secret weapon to regain audience and a renewal. Sure Mal and I will be the most popular thing at the show´s time but after the end, you two will have the "tamadia being cute" compilations

Tamar: fine, but we demand a higher paygrade

Nikolai: David is going to be the local relatable guy...

David: i still don't follow the "reality" but fake...

Nikolai: excelent work! and the glasses give it a nice touch...and about Leoni and Adrik, you will be the cute non problematic girl and the guy that everyone forgets exists...so, pretty much yourselves

More under the cut, to not make the most too long

Nikolai: what do you mean it got rejected?!

"Sorry man, but we have a new reality show"

Nikolai watching the tv: keeping up with the ketterdams?

Inej on tv: He can buy a boat but he can't fix his hear for me? i mean...does he really love me?

---

Wylan: i am changing the curtains, i want them in icy sapphire

Kuwei: icy sapphire? omg he is so pretentious, shut up! its blue...

---

Nina crying: MY WAFFLE FELL IN THE OCEAN!

Jesper: Nina , there´s people that are dying

---

Hanna staring blankly: huh...i thought this was going to be a cooking show...

---

Marya: oh Mr Fahey, shouldn't we talk about the obvious...(reads on smuged hand) huh...tension? between us?

Colm: Oh yes, our natural chemistry is undeniable and not fabricated for views at all

(awkwardly hold hands)

---

Alys: oh , i just randomly had the impulse to...SIIIIIIIING!

"SECURITY! WHO LET HER IN?! GET HER OUT AND YOU BETTER NOT FORGET TO EDIT THIS BIT OUT!"

---

"footage of Kaz falling facedown over a cake"

Matthias: is what he deserves (smiles)

[wild-karrde]

Happy Fandom Friday!

I want to highlight two artists and two WIP fics.

These artworks by @patchmates are AMAZING. First we have Wolffe and Fox. And then we have Cody. Look, I’m usually intimidated by bigger men but WOW do these guys do it for me. Their arms! I want to squeeze them. (I also have to emphasize Wolffe’s tattoos—I am desperate for a neck and chest reveal because the hints of tattoos are a tease I can’t look away from.) The breadth of their chests is to die for; coupled with the black bodysuit and I can’t look away. Wolffe and Fox with their confident smirks; Cody looking so at peace and content 😩

And the second artwork is another Cody by @razzbberry. I wish I could speak artist lingo because I don’t know how to fully describe my emotions when looking at this. The coloring on this is STUNNING. The way Cody’s scar looks like a lightning bolt—the detail is impeccable. The emotion in his face is so impressive, and it hurts. I just think it’s a pretty artwork.

Now, onto the fics.

I want to recommend @ariadnes-red-thread for The Last Word. I thought I had recommended this when I first read it, but thinking back, I don’t think I ever did. So I want to rectify that. I’m not a Fives girly and I’ve never read fanfic of him, but I randomly came across this and it has me hooked. Mal is such a fantastic character, and I love Aria’s portrayal of Fives as flirtatious but also sensitive. The second chapter sets up for a story that promises to be emotionally fraught and hot, and I’m so excited to see where it goes.

I also want to recommend Erin’s (@sleepingsun501) Sweet True Lies. Again, I know. Bear with me. Chapter 4 dropped last weekend and it’s something I’ve been looking forward to for months. All I have to say is: Erin portrays Fox with such a sweet, soft side and it kills me. His natural charisma kills me. Everything about him kills me. (The way he talks about Keeda is so poetically attractive, it makes my heart hurt😩)

AHHHH ALLI THESE ARE ALL SUCH GOOD RECS!!!

I absolutely ADORE how Kit draws the clones! Their expressions and physiques are EVERYTHING. And that Cody piece by Nils took my BREATH away when I saw it this week! The color palette and silhouettes and every detail is just SO GOOD. The longer I looked at it, the more I just kept saying "wow" lol.

And the fics that you chose are WONDERFUL! I love how Aria writes Fives, and Mal is SUCH a cool OC. I am sitting on the edge of my seat for the next installation (TAKE YOUR TIME ARIA!). And the way Erin writes Fox in STL is SO SOFT and yet, he's SO SMOOOOOOOTH. The last line of the last chapter had me absolutely shrieking, and I CANNOT WAIT to get to know more about Keeda!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING ALL OF THESE IN!

Participate in Fandom Friday to show your favorite creators from this week some love! :)

[natsubeatsrock]

Top 7 Things I Enjoyed in 2023: Number 1

Let me make something abundantly clear. I don’t like Netflix. 

I don’t love the skeevy way they handle internal politics. I don’t like how they don’t let promising shows continue. I don’t like that even the good shows they produce specifically for their platform feel bogged down by needless sex and violence. The fact that they’re allowed to continue as a company after pulling the nonsense they did with Cuties is proof enough that we’ve long abandoned God as a society. 

But of all the things I don’t like about Netflix, I don’t like how they handle anime. So much of what they do feels antithetical to how the medium is or even should be enjoyed. They’re notoriously tight-fisted with their licenses, even if they don’t license the entire series. Their release model has killed the hype behind highly anticipated titles year after year. While their dubs are usually high quality, their work on subtitles is sub-par at best and disgraceful at worst. Some series are outright unintelligible because of how they’re handled. 

Most of what I’m saying isn’t particularly new. This is stuff people have been complaining about ever since they decided to enter the anime streaming sphere. As much as people have complained about Crunchyroll over the years, they have owned up to at least some of their mistakes. 

So, it pains me to admit that, despite all of this, they’ve not only delivered but have produced what I consider to be the anime of the year.

For what it's worth, MAL doesn't think it's an anime.

Number #1 - Scott Pilgrim Takes Off

This was a pretty obvious lock for this list once it was announced. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is one of my favorite movies of all time. Seeing the same voices I associated these characters with the style of the original comic. For many, it was a dream come true. Not to mention, Edgar Wright and Brian Lee O’Malley were also working on this. As long as it was a substandard adaptation of even the movie events, I would have had it as an honorable mention, at the very least.

We did not get a substandard adaptation.

I don’t want to spoil too much of this, but they take a seriously insane direction near the end of the first episode. While this is controversial with a lot of people, I loved what we ended up with. I bought the original comics recently. The movie was put on Netflix around the same time as the anime. If I wanted to see the same story, I can still get it from those. Seeing a new version of this story was a very welcome surprise.

There are several other changes I appreciated seeing. Naturally, this version is aware of the existence of the movie and comics and it plays with that. But there are other things to enjoy. Gideon ends up in a new relationship and it makes way too much sense. Wallace, Knives, and Young Neil all have a lot more to do in the story. Sex Bob-omb gets a new member who you might not expect. We even get a nod to Into the Woods, making this the second entry to pay homage to Sondheim.

The character to benefit the most from this is Ramona Flowers. Admittedly, we didn’t get too much of a focus on her in the movie. However, she takes a much more active role in this version. We get to appreciate what she went through in the story and how she needs to grow and change, just like Scott has to. 

While it kinda does come to the detriment of Scott’s character, it’s not done in a way that makes no sense. I’m sensitive to the trend of female leads lifted at the expense of male characters. (Looking at you, D&D movie.) While that’s an understandable interpretation of this, I don’t think the show or Scott were hurt by it. One of the last people Scott had to fight to be with Ramona in the movie was himself. And, to be honest, I think this change does ultimately help justify Scott being with Ramona in the long run.

And that's my list! 

Wait, am I forgetting something?

I mean, even if I did, this was number 1. I'd have to think of something particularly spectacular to break away from that system.

Thankfully, nothing came out this year like that.

Right?

[sparrowmoth]

Character dynamics - Jal, 3, 4, and/or 9 pls

Ps. you're amazing :)

@eileeny Aww, thank you so much, hun! You're very sweet! 🥰💖💖💖

3. What quirks/mannerisms do they consider characteristic of each other?

Jay likes to text Mal random photos of pugs and pekingese and other flat-faced little dogs with the caption "you." She scrunches her nose up at him so much, he just likes to tease her it'll get stuck that way.

Mal's vengeance is in mocking Jay's flirtatious poses. She'll do it behind his back sometimes so he thinks he's successfully made his target giggle only to realize they're looking over his shoulder at Mal, who's waggling her eyebrows and flexing her arms like a demigod.

("Noodle arms," Jay will mutter later, earning a punch to his bicep.)

4. How do they know the other is in a bad mood before they say anything?

Mal knows because Jay will get quiet and serious, no longer smiling or taking shots at her when she teases him. In the worst cases, he'll actually agree with her if she says something like, "You're an idiot."

Back on the Isle, she would have shoved his shoulder and rolled her eyes at his "sulking," telling him he was no fun and she'd see him later when he remembered how to have a good time. (Truth is, she wasn't unaffected by his moods even back then. She'd just go and take it out on the first person who stepped in her path on her way back home.)

In Auradon, it's different. She's learning... not to care, because that's something she's always done, in her own way, but to care openly—

That's new.

So, she'll take Jay's hand and pull him somewhere private, ask him what's wrong, if he wants to talk about it, and who she should kill (that usually gets at least a smile from him, since he knows she's serious; she'd do anything for him, and it's... good he remembers).

9. How do they react to the other not realizing danger (ex: oncoming traffic)?

Mal's long relied on Jay to have her back, but that doesn't mean she doesn't keep an eye on him, in turn. Her senses are beyond that of an ordinary human, so there are things she's bound to notice before him.

Take one night in Auradon when Carlos and Evie are away on a field trip with their science club and it's just Jay and Mal curled up in his bed in the boys' room because they still hate to sleep alone—

Mal sits up suddenly, feeling something in the air that makes the hair on the back of her neck prickle. She feels Jay stir at her movement, but he doesn't wake until she shakes his arm and hisses his name.

"What?" he asks groggily, blinking up into Mal's frown.

"Something's wrong," she mutters.

The rest happens fast.

There's a crack like lightning and a sound like popcorn—only much, much louder—and then the ceiling is open and the walls are caving and two windows have shattered, spraying glass across the bed—

The bed they'll never sleep in again because of the tree that has just come down atop of it like the fist of a giant, quick to make wreckage.

Jay's not sure he's awake, but Mal sure as hell is. She's vibrating with adrenaline as voices start to rise in the hall and someone hits the fire alarm. She looks down at Jay, who she has pinned to the floor. She'd yanked him out of bed and they'd gone stumbling and rolling and...

Evil, it's a blur. Doesn't really matter, anyway. What matters is him.

He's safe, so it's okay, and she'll stop shaking any second now.

Character Dynamics Ask Meme

[popatochisssp]

I know it's been ages ago since you finished Swapfell Indigo fics, or asks and I'm not entirely sure this counts as 1 of the closed questions or not (feel free to not answer if that's the case). Would the dynamic & personalities of (Swapfell Indigo) Mal & Rus be different if they had more siblings? Anyways, I still go back to reread 'Dirty Laundry' and it's still lovely as ever. Hope u have a nice day! <3

That’s an interesting thought-experiment, but I guess a lot of it depends on what kind of siblings we’re talking about, and how many.

As always, I'm a fool who wrote way more than necessary to answer this post, so I'm going to put all the theoretical navel-gazing under a cut to save some dashes! XD

If they had a lot of siblings, I imagine they might not be as close. They’d still love each other, of course, but with more family in the mix, I feel like there’d be a greater chance of them having more in common with one of the other sibs and vibing just a little more naturally in their company.

Mal and Rus get along well and have a strong bond, but part of that is definitely fire-forged in the fact that for a long time (pretty much the entirety of their lives Underground), the only for-sure bit of safety/trust/family to be found anywhere was their brother. Outside of that, their interests and temperaments are just... kinda different—not a bad thing, people are different!—so if there were other people in their lives during those formative years who were family, and they vibed a little more in Mal’s direction or in Rus’, they just might end up being more the go-to sib for hanging out instead.

Break it down even further, I think things would be different depending on whether we’re talking about an older or a younger sibling.

Older’s an interesting thought, I imagine having someone looking out for him and All the Responsibility not squarely on his shoulders from a young age would make for a very different Mal—probably still a bit of a busybody, still liking to be on top of things because that’s just part of him, but maybe a little less paranoid and a little more willing to let other (trusted) people handle some things. Rus might’ve been in an easier position too, with two big siblings to protect him and a Mal who didn’t have to make it his life’s mission to just Do Everything before Rus could even attempt to figure it out on his own. An older sibling in the mix would probably give both Mal and Rus a little room (from each other, from themselves from the situation Underground in general) and they might be a little bit better off, but the trade-off would probably be that the eldest is the one who catches all the hell from being Gaster’s first experiment, being solely responsible for two little brothers, having to figure out how to cope and take care of the family and scrape by in a ‘fell verse that doesn’t seem to care if they live or die at the best of times… It feels kind of like it’d be a shifting of trauma here, Mal’s parentification and stress take a lateral slide onto Theoretical Big Sib, and Rus’ feelings of uselessness and not doing enough to help is halved but then shared with Mal. So… is that better? Arguably, maybe, but it’s the same situation and the same stressors, just on a different number of people.

Another younger sib is hard to say, I think a lot of it might come down to the personality of said sib. One a little more like Rus in nature, sensitive and anxious and in need of a lot of protection and support… Well, Mal’s going to burn out twice as quick, I think that’s inevitable in this scenario. At least when it’s only Rus he has to look after, it’s manageable—it’s just one babybones, which is definitely a lot when Mal’s still young himself, but it’s only the one, easy to keep track of, easy to protect, easy to haul out of danger single-handedly if need be—but two… Two is literally double-trouble, and the variables of what could happen to his little siblings introduced by the fact that they can be in two places at one time definitely keep Mal up at night; lots of nightmares about losing them, only being able to save one, wondering how he could live with himself if he was ever forced to choose. And any more than two siblings, the problem is exponentially exacerbated, more younger ones to provide for, more to keep safe, more to lose in any number of horrible and entirely-too-possible scenarios Underground. In a weird way, I think this kind of situation might help Rus mature and step up a little earlier—to his own detriment, probably, because it wouldn’t be something he’s choosing to do because he feels he’s old enough to learn to handle his own stuff, but rather something he’s kind of forced into because he has a little sibling (or siblings) who needs support and their big brother who usually handles everything for them is visibly approaching a nervous breakdown at bullet-train-speeds and somebody has to do something. Growth is growth, Rus stepping in and being more independent would probably help Mal out at least a little, but again it’s just a shifting of trauma, Mal and Rus both ending up shouldering the same burden. Rus would come out of it a harder, more damaged person, and Mal would be equal parts proud of how much he’d grown up and sad/guilty that he hadn’t been strong enough to do it all himself and spare Rus from having to do that growing so soon.

But, another younger sibling who’s more like Mal, independent and stubborn and determined… I’d say it’s better but as always it’s just a different set of problems. That’s a younger sib that Mal simultaneously has to worry about less and more—less because they can probably handle themselves fine with most things and don’t need much coddling, but also more because they’re probably not like Rus who will stay put when and where Mal tells him to and will (probably) not go off getting off into trouble on his own (if Rus is in trouble, it’s usually because trouble found him, not the other way around). Mal probably switches a lot of his overprotective mother-henning to the sibling he decides needs it more, trying to rein in the youngest or at the very least teach them how to protect themselves in their shitty, violent world. Rus gets a little breathing room with the worst of Mal’s overbearingness focused elsewhere and more of a chance to grow up and try things out at his own pace, but also probably ends up with a little bit of middle-child syndrome—feeling a little neglected/unseen/unimportant sometimes between what Mal and the younger sib have going on. He’s not as prone to needing to be bailed out of trouble as the youngest sibling, so he doesn’t always get as much attention from Mal, and he’s not as tough and capable as Mal so the youngest probably doesn’t come to him for help very much, if at all. They’d all surely love each other and spend time together, as allowed by circumstance, but I think Rus might feel like he just... blends into the background sometimes with two tough, independent siblings to vie for the attention of and it’s not a great feeling. I imagine both Mal and youngest sib would be horrifically guilty to realize Rus felt that way; worse if they have to acknowledge it’s kind of true and that Rus can be easy to forget about if he’s quiet and out of the way and doesn’t need to be worried about as much as The Other One.

Any way you slice it—one extra sibling, several, older or young, sensitive or independent—they’re still family, they still love each other, but the dynamics do change around a bit and the ‘prizes’ from the Trauma Lottery may shuffle around or end up shared, depending on the specifics!

[meirimerens]

I'm currently reading ATA and your writing style is so beautiful and... unique? It's charming and recognizable and always feels so filled with emotion & passion..... I still have some chapters to read but it's already one of my favorite patho fics (and just fic in general) of all times.

If you don't mind me asking, what inspires you? Other writers, or just Things In General! And how's the general writing process for you, if you feel comfortable sharing?

HI BESTIE... SO HAPPY TO HEAR YOU'RE WIKING IT SO FAR... it was the fic i had the most fun writing in a long time even though she Drained me she sucked me dry (not even in the fun way)

and i don't mind you asking... let me see if i can answer you thoroughly...

Inspirations:

i had already given a quick overview [here] but i have a few things to add:

symbolism and surrealism as art/literary currents have been my very favorites since i studied them first in middle school.

symbolism has all these manners to conjure the dream-like, the esoteric, and it's a big thing To Me; so think Baudelaire, Verlaine, Mallarmé...

surrealism pushes that even more and gives a big part to "écriture automatique" (automatic writing) which i will come back to in a sec (surrealism, think Breton, Mallarmé again, a number of "previously" symbolist writers since they all kinda hung out together...)

a number of texts and poems from these movements have in some way a very deep inclination to like... the sensory/sensible/sensitive. about synesthesia in some way (this is very present in Les Fleurs du Mal, where the sense of smell with mentions of incense, perfume, the smell of sweat; the sense of sight with mirrors, reflections; the sense of hearing with songs, whispers, etc etc, are Pivotal themes of the poems.

people have already mentioned it to me (if you were here then, that anon who told me "do you have scent hcs for pathologic characters, you seem like the type to have"... so classic) that my writing & worldbuilding is Heavy on like. The Senses. yeah babey that's my Baudelaire upbringing.

re:écriture automatique, a lot A LOT of parts of ATA have been written as écriture automatique in some way, as I've mentioned in my fic disclaimer, meaning BRAIN OFF. VIBE RECEPTORS ON. it's all about conjuring and bringing to the surface all things from the esoteric, the subconscious, the... subterranean in some way. for me, it works way better when I'm Fucking Tired/really seepy, because the veil between the conscious (awake) and the subconscious (seepy & dreaming) is the thinnest, so words flow more naturally from one state to the other.

this leads into The Writing Process:

ATA was written non-linearly. like ooooh girl. for example i had finished writing chapter 9 before I even had gotten to chapters 1 to 8. ATA was written A Lot as phone notes typed furiously in bed just as i was getting ready to sleep -> because the Flow of words from conscious to un/subconscious was denser then. it was not exclusively written like that and thank god, because otherwise it'd have taken one more year to come out. i cannot Force écriture automatique/Da Flow, and if i force myself to be sleepy in order to write, I'm not going to write at all. so ATA was written as écriture automatique notes/sudden Not Automatique But Really Sleepy notes that then my Conscious Self had to re-work so they actually made human sense & then wove them together with the linear thread of time & canon events.

other things that inspire me that are not strictly surrealism and symbolism are for example Solange Knopff's, Agnes Pelton's, Ernst Haeckel’s, Hilma af Klint’s artworks (all mentioned in the post i linked above). while not about senses/sensory experiences, a very good... exercise I guess? is to describe these visual works with words. the shapes. the senses, again.

i've also recently read david batchelor's Chromophobia, an essay on color theory mostly but which discusses the part and the place of color within sensory experiences, sensory bonds, links, mirrors... very very interesting read btw. relatively short and accessible too.

other inspirations: The Patterns. i do not actively seek, but bear witness to how patterns bodily and natural (= of the body and of nature) reciprocate, mirror, call each other back. it's a big narrative language of pathologic which is Just Right Up My Alley as i have a personal spirituality tied to nature and a "mother" earth in some way, which i think made the writing of ATA easier/quicker/more like. Oh Yeah Bro I'm In My Element.

SORRY FOR DA RAMBLING... hope you enjoyed this horizon tour though and feel free to ask whatever else 🕊️👍

[ratsoh-writes]

OK, so Skele+SO is walking past a tree, ok? and, just randomly, they stop, look at the tree, and mutter "Poor tree". Why? Go around the other side, and black sap is coming out of the tree, a clear sign that a tree's sap is infected with bacteria. SO could not have seen it from where they were walking. They kinda... Sensed it? I guess? They just knew somehow something was wrong, almost like a feeling of... dread? (This totally didn't happen to me I didn't do this nope nope!) Dealer Choice! -Poet

I miss having just my regulars for these asks.

Sans: this raises more questions than it answers. In fact, sans will be keeping a much closer eye on you now just to see if you can sense other things like magical sicknesses or hurt animals and such. G had a really interesting theory on how sensitive humans actually have some monster ancestors along the line. This could be a breakthrough!! (Congratulations you unlocked science nerd sans)

Papyrus: huh, well that’s sad. It’s bacterial, so papyrus can’t really do anything for the tree. If it was a physical injury, healing magic could help, but sickness related ones aren’t affected

Star: oh is that how you always know when he’s feeling down? Star has a little lightbulb moment, then immediately forgets about it

Honey: he used to have a bonsai tree that died a slow and tragic death after three months for no reason. Honey really wishes he had known you back then

Red: he’ll take a curious sniff of the infected sap then grimace and turn away. Yup, that smelled just as gross as he thought it would

Edge: he could smell the rot and mentioned it at the same time you told him about the tree. Edge will be surprised that you could smell it as well until you explain it was a sensing thing. Now he’s a little impressed

Mal: oh ew, he hopes you don’t have to notice every time you pass someone sick. That would drive him mad

Cash: oh poor tree. Cash doesn’t really think much else. Trees aren’t exactly on his sympathy radar

Oak: he’s also a little curious about how you could tell, but the science and nature lover part of oak decides he wants to find out if he can save the tree. This calls for some research

Willow: oh poor tree. Willow got sick pretty often during the famine and right after. It’s only recently that his immune system finally started recovering. He really feels for that tree

[alinastracker]

hello my dear bonnie, if you're still taking prompts, can i suggest #47 👀 ?

LOVE THIS PROMPT!!! here you go my love<3

prompt: you’re casually seeing my roommate and think they’re in the shower when you strip down to join me and we end up screaming and my roommate thinks it’s the funniest thing and tries to set us up on a date

yikes at this going from a quick lil ficlet to 6.7k oof

would it be okay if i came home to you (explicit) (ao3)

Alina steps into the shower, wondering how the hell she ended up rooming with Zoya to begin with.

Don't get her wrong, she loves Zoya. But her raven-haired friend can be difficult, and she was supposed to have buffer. Originally, it was going to be her, Zoya, and Genya living together, until Genya backed out last minute to move in with her boyfriend David instead.

"I'm so sorry, but it just makes sense," Genya said to them over lunch one afternoon. "Besides, if things go how I think they will, you two will be on the same path that I'm on soon enough."

Zoya scoffed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Alina had the same question, considering both of them were hopelessly single.

Genya just sipped her tea and said in a sing-song voice, "You'll see."

At first, living with Zoya was fine. They agreed easily on most apartment related things; splitting up chores, rules about not touching each other's food, a timely heads up before having friends or potential sexual partners over. Zoya could get nit picky about a few things, like the lecture she'd given her on the proper position of the toilet paper roll. It goes over, Starkov, understand? Under is for heathens and natural selection is coming for them. But otherwise, things had been fine.

Until Mal.

He was a part of the friend circle she had surrounded herself with since freshman year. But there was something about Mal that had drawn her to him in a way that was different from the rest of the group — different from anyone else she had ever met. He was like a drug, a magnet, the missing link that had her saying, where have you been my whole life, when you're meant to be here beside me? So quickly he had become her closet friend, and as much as their group liked to tease them, they both denied feeling anything beyond fierce friendship.

But Alina was such a liar.

Which makes it her own fault, really, for ending up in this situation. Zoya could, quite frankly, be a bitch — but she wouldn't have gone after Mal if Alina had just owned up to her feelings.

Though she really could have told her about it sooner.

Alina had been studying in the living room one night when a knock at the door startled her. Zoya hadn't mentioned having company, and neither of them had ordered food. Hesitantly, she rose and stood on her tiptoes to peek through the peephole. Then her face lit up, and she swung the door open. "Mal!"

Saints, he looked good. He appeared freshly showered, dressed in a silky green shirt and dark jeans. He had actually put effort into his hair for once, and he had a small gold hoop earring in his left ear.

"Hey, Lina," he said, something a little off with the smile he gave her. As he passed by to come inside, she could smell expensive cologne.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, butterflies in her stomach. Her head was already filling with wild fantasies. He wanted to surprise her, so he showed up without notice. He put effort into how he looked, because he wanted to impress her. He was going to reveal his true feelings for her, and she would revel in the fact that he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

Instead, Zoya entered the room and said, "He's here for me."

Mal had the decency to flush and offer a sheepish shrug. "I'm gonna grab some water," he said, and scuttled off to the kitchen. Of course, Mal had been here plenty of times before. He knew where everything was.

Alina had barely heard him though, Zoya's words repeating on a loop in her head. He's here for me. She knew what this meant, even as her mind tried to deny it. The room was spinning and she couldn't quite steady herself, like something had broken inside of her.

She swallowed, and as calmly as possible, said, "What happened to the heads up rule?"

Zoya arched a brow. "I texted you two hours ago."

Alina frowned and pulled out her phone. Sure enough, there was a text from Zoya. Got a guy coming over in a couple hours. She must have missed it, lost in her studies. But still, something in the text ignited anger in her chest.

"You could have said the guy was Mal."

Zoya shrugged, so frustratingly nonchalant. "What does it matter?"

It matters because I am so hopelessly in love with him, and you're supposed to be my friend, and now I have to blast music so I don't hear the sounds of you two fucking, she thought.

"He's my best friend," she said. "It's just a little weird, I guess."

"Don't worry, Starkov," Zoya said, turning toward the kitchen, probably to grab Mal so they could get the night started. "It won't affect anything between you two."

Alina waited until the two of them were tucked away in Zoya's room. Then she pulled on her old running shoes and slipped out — there was just no way she could be here, knowing what was happening in the room across from her own.

She ran with no destination in mind, pumping her little legs as hard as they could go, music pounding from her headphones. When she became too tired to go further, she checked her surroundings and sighed. Of course, her feet took her to one of her favorite places in the city.

It's not anything, really. A quiet street with an old abandoned building at the end of it. But on the building's brick wall is one of her favorite pieces of art. A mural of the sun, complex in its simplicity, using colors she had never seen used to express the sun before, yet perfectly capturing the feeling of a warm sunny day.

Alina leaned against the wall, slid down until she was sitting on the old, cracked sidewalk. Only then did she realize that she was crying. Turning off her music, she called Genya, and told her everything.

"You have to talk to Zoya," Genya said.

"No!" she said quickly. "I don't want her to feel bad. It's not her fault. And if Mal likes her — well, it's not like he's shown any interest in me. I'm not going to get in their way."

"Alina," Genya sighed.

"It's fine," she promised. "I just—" A sob escaped her throat, the pain overshadowing any coherent thought. It was not fine.

"Send me your location," Genya said, and Alina did.

She spent the night at Genya and David's that night, David promising he was more than okay with taking the couch so her and Genya could have the bed. Which was needed, because Alina had a lot more crying to do.

"Just don't tell Zoya," she said.

"Alina, I don't know."

"Promise, Genya. Please."

Finally, Genya sighed. "All right."

That was four months ago. Zoya had told her it wouldn't affect her close bond with Mal, but it had. Alina never invites Mal over anymore, too afraid that he'll come to watch a movie, sit on the couch beside her — much closer than most friends sit. They would point out everything terrible about it, because they loved to watch bad films together as they stuffed their faces with popcorn. Then the movie would end and Mal would say goodnight, but instead of leaving, he'd go to Zoya's room, and the popcorn they ate would sour in her stomach.

There were so many little changes, too. Like when they hung out as a group, and suddenly Alina was questioning every move she made around him. Was it still okay to playfully ruffle his hair, to sit close enough that their shoulders pressed together, to look at him like he personally hung the sun and the moon in the sky, all while Zoya was there to see? Was it wrong to look at his lips and fantasize about how they would feel against her own, pressed to her collarbone, sucking her most sensitive spots? Zoya and Mal were a casual thing, they had both said so. But still, the natural intimacy her friendship with Mal had built for the past two years suddenly felt wrong, and she hated it.

Needless to say, Alina has been looking into new rooming possibilities for next year. She can't do this anymore. Every time Mal comes over, she waits for them to lock themselves away in Zoya's room, and then she leaves. She runs to her sun, sometimes just sitting and letting her sad song playlist make her sadder, sometimes bringing her sketchbook to at least make art out of the pain.

But tonight she has a very rare opportunity — the apartment to herself. Only for a couple hours, but still. She has spent most of the time so far blaring music, and her neighbors probably hate her, but damn it, they can deal with it for a night.

She lets the music play as she takes a much needed shower. Sure, she could have gone the bath route, but she doesn't want to waste all her time getting clean. Alina has decided her hours alone should end with a much needed date with her vibrator and an Owen Gray video that she's going to watch without headphones.

Olivia Rodrigo's Brutal is pounding from her speaker, and though Alina's twenty-one, not seventeen, the lyrics hit all the same. She's so into the music, thinking about her life for the past four months, thinking about moving as soon as she possibly can, thinking yeah, it really is fucking brutal out here, that she does not notice the telltale signs of someone entering her apartment, and even more worrisome, someone entering the bathroom. Not until it's too late.

"Thought you were too cool for Olivia Rodrigo," a very male voice says, and then the shower curtain opens.

Screams fill the air from both of them. Alina's already holding her conditioner bottle, and on instinct, hurls it at the man's chest while her other hand reaches for her razor.

"Oi!"

Only then does her mind register that it's not a strange man come to sexually assault her, it's Mal. Her best friend. Her roommate's casual lover slash fuck buddy slash whatever. It's Mal, completely naked before her. She gets a quick glimpse of his cock, half-hard, before he curses and turns around.

It doesn't help that his backside is just as nice to look at. He's well toned, muscles flexing as he reaches to grab the clothes he must have just discarded. He bends, giving her the most sinful view of his ass, and Saints, her mind goes wild. She pictures him turning back around and pushing her against the wall, slamming inside of her. As he fucks her, she would reach around and grab that delicious ass of his, dig her fingers into the plump skin, and leave little half-moon indents.

Mal is apologizing over and over again — "I thought you were Zoya!" — as he gathers up his clothes and makes a beeline for the door. Alina finally snaps out of her filthy fantasy and slides the shower curtain closed with a shaky hand. She leans back against the tiled wall, breathing hard. Her heart is pounding like never before.

The song is winding down. Olivia is crooning, God I don't even know where to start.

Neither does Alina.

~

By the time she musters the courage to finish her shower and leave the bathroom, her robe clutched tightly around her, there’s no sign of Mal in the apartment. Zoya isn’t back yet, either.

With a sigh of relief, she flops onto her bed. Her previous plans were out the window now. Taking a breath, she goes over the facts in her head. 

One: Mal has now seen her completely naked. 

Two: she has now seen Mal completely naked. 

It was the wrong thing to think about, because now she’s picturing the smooth expanse of his skin, his perfectly tight ass, and the quick glimpse she had gotten of his—

Heat pools between her thighs. She’s positively aching, when she should be feeling horrified. She should absolutely not be reaching for her vibrator as she lets the images of Mal’s naked body settle in her mind. It’s wrong, because Mal is, at least somewhat, Zoya’s, and Zoya is her friend. Besides, it was Zoya that he had come looking for, Zoya that he wanted to fuck against the shower wall. 

But Alina does grab her vibrator, and as it buzzes her to multiple releases, she imagines Mal shoving her against the wall, pressing kisses to her neck, fucking her like it’s his sole reason for existing. Fucking her like she’s his, and he’s hers.

~

She doesn’t see Zoya until the next morning, passing out sometime after orgasm number three. Saints, if the memory of Mal’s bare skin had been enough to keep her going for three rounds, she wasn’t sure she could even handle actually being with him. 

When she walks into the kitchen, Zoya is sitting at their tiny excuse for a table. “Good morning,” Alina says as naturally as possible. 

Zoya only says, “Sit down, Starkov.”

It’s unnerving, how quickly can could take over her entire body. Saying nothing, still going for casual, Alina sits across from her. “What’s up?”

“That’s my question, actually.” Zoya arches a brow. “What happened with you and Mal last night?”

Shit, shit, shit. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I think you do. I know he stopped by before I got home. When I asked why he left, he got all weird and said something came up with Dubrov. But I know that’s a lie, because Dubrov was happily posting drunken stories last night. So obviously something happened when he was over.” Zoya sits back in her chair and stares her down, making her insides twist. “And since I don’t live with him, the only person I have to grill is you. So get talking.”

Alina sighs, knowing she isn’t strong enough to deny Zoya when she’s like this, and babbles out the story. Really, it wasn’t her fault. Mal was the one that walked in on her. It was just incredibly embarrassing for both of them. 

When she finishes, Zoya lets the information sink in, and then she laughs, harder than Alina has ever seen her laugh.

“Well I’m so glad this is funny to you,” she huffs, arms crossed over her chest.

“It is! I can only imagine your faces, shit.” Zoya wipes at her eyes. “Too bad you already know each other, that would make for one hell of a meet cute.” She pauses and says, “Well, it still could be your origin.”

Alina frowns. “Our origin?”

“You know, if you guys dated.”

She momentarily loses her breath. “What? No, you guys are a thing.”

Zoya rolls her eyes. “We’re fucking, Alina, that’s it. And actually, I was planning on cutting it off after last night.” She stands and pours herself what is at least her second up of coffee. “There’s someone else I’m interested in.”

“Someone else? Who?” Zoya says nothing. Alina pops up as it comes to her. “Oh! It’s that rich blond guy from the bar, isn’t it? The one that transferred here this semester. Nikolai or something, right?”

The tiniest blush spreads on Zoya’s face, and Alina squeals. “It is him! Saints, he’s attractive.”

“Yes, he is,” Zoya snaps. “And not bad for conversation, either.”

“Conversation?” She grins. “Why, Miss Nazyalensky, do you actually have feelings for this guy?”

Zoya scowls. “Shut it, Starkov.”

“Oh, you totally have feelings for him!”

“Keep it up and you will pay for this. I’m devising a plan as we speak.”

Alina just laughs. “Okay, Mrs. Whatever Nikolai’s Last Name Is.”

Under her breath, Zoya mutters, “Lantsov,” and stalks off with her coffee as Alina laughs harder. 

~

Zoya, apparently, hadn’t been kidding when she said she was devising a plan. 

When the weekend rolls around once again and Zoya texts the group chat they have with Genya about getting lunch, Alina jumps at the idea. She missed Genya, and it had been a hell of a week between juggling exams and thinking about her encounter with Mal. They haven’t spoken at all, and she had used her classes as an excuse to get out of any hang outs where he might show up. 

Zoya’s words from the morning after had been on her mind a lot, too. It still could be your origin. Could it? Was Mal even interested in her — and would he even want to try, after he’d had something with Zoya, or would it just be inevitably awkward?

Alina approaches the restaurant and sucks in a breath. She’s decided to finally tell Zoya about how she’s had feelings for Mal all this time, and maybe with her and Genya, the three of them can come up with what the hell Alina should do next. 

Zoya had texted five minutes ago saying she grabbed them a table in the restaurant’s outdoor patio, so she makes her way there. Only it’s not Zoya or even Genya waiting for her.

It’s Mal. 

He looks just as surprised to see her as she is to see him, and for a moment, she believes it really is some crazy coincidence. 

“Alina,” he says, standing. Neither of them can quite meet the other’s eye. “What are you doing here?”

Her hand is doing some nervous twitchy thing at her side, so she shoves it into the pocket of her dress. “I’m supposed to be meeting Zoya and Genya.”

Mal curses under his breath. “I’m supposed to be meeting Zoya, too.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Shaking her head and feeling incredibly stupid, Alina takes out her phone and fires off a text to Zoya, WHAT THE HELL????

The next message she receives comes from Zoya — only not in the text chat between the two of them, but rather a newly created group chat with the two of them and Mal. 

consider this the official end to our fuck-mance, oretsev. yalls little bathroom flash show was the perfect opportunity for a new beginning, because yes, i see the doe eyes you give alina when she’s not looking. you too, starkov. i’m sorry for getting in the way for so long. have a good date, no throwing bottles at each other xoxo

They finish reading at the same time, looking up from their phones, eyes meeting before flickering away again. 

Mal sighs. “I think I hate her.”

“I think I hate her, too.”

He scratches the back of his neck. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

Alina bites her lip. Because he doesn’t want to do this, she thinks. “Oh, well, I guess—”

Mal cuts her off. “But it might be a nice chance for us to talk.” Her head snaps up, and this time when their eyes meet, neither of them look away. He smiles shyly. “I missed you this week, Lina.”

Her smile matches his. “I missed you, too.” 

They sit, and after the waiter takes their order for drinks and an appetizer for them to share — a sample platter, both of them too indecisive for any singular thing — Mal starts to stutter out an apology. Alina stops him with a hand on his arm. He looks down at where her fingers brush against bare skin, and she wonders if he’s thinking about all the skin they’ve bared to each other now. She certainly is.

“You don’t need to apologize, Mal,” she promises. “It was an accident.”

He shakes his head. “Still, I can’t imagine how terrifying that was for you.”

“Well, it was,” she admits, then adds, “at first.”

“At first?”

She shrugs, but says nothing, thankful for their drinks arriving to save her from answering. Because the truth was she had been scared for maybe three seconds. Once she had realized it was Mal, she’d only felt desire.

With their awkward shower encounter out of the way, they fall into fairly easy conversation, complaining about exams and projects, annoying classmates and neighbors. Soon enough, they’re back to being themselves. Alina pulls out her phone to show Mal all the memes and TikToks she had wanted to send him this week, and he does the same. Hours fly by without their notice, and now the dinner crowd is filing in. 

“Oi, I think our waiter is silently praying for us to leave.”

She laughs, pulling out her wallet. “Definitely.”

Mal waves her off. “Let me get it,” he says, taking his own wallet out. “I mean, since this is apparently a date and all.”

Alina hesitates, a little flutter in her chest even though he’d said it teasingly. “Okay, fine. But I’ll get the tip.”

“Deal.”

When everything is paid for, they stand. Going home is the last thing she wants right now, and not just because Zoya will be there. 

Mal looks ready to pull her into one of their standard hugs, but pauses. “Do you want to come over? We can find something shitty to watch. Mikhael and Dubrov will be around, but I just really don’t want to see Zoya right now.”

Alina smiles, the flutter in her chest returning with vigor. “Yeah, okay.”

~

At Mal’s flat, they settle onto the sofa together, close enough that their shoulders brush. Mikhael and Dubrov tease them about looking like lovebirds, but otherwise surprisingly leave them be. She doesn’t mind their company — but admittedly, she was glad they stayed to their respective rooms tonight. Mal puts on an indie horror flick that’s so bad it’s good, and they laugh and joke with each other throughout, per usual. 

About halfway through the film, they share a knowingly look — their that foreshadowing is so obvious, RIP to that character in twenty minutes look — and sport matching grins. But when the moment passes, neither of them looks away. 

“Alina,” Mal says softly, and her breath hitches. Has he ever said her name with such longing before?

His eyes flicker down — to her lips. She thinks of Zoya’s text then, basically calling both of them out for having feelings for each other. And while neither of them had confirmed it, they hadn’t denied it either.

Her heart is beating so fast. She gives him the tiniest nod.

Mal understands, he always does, and then he’s leaning in. Their noses brush before their lips do, and it could be silly or awkward, but instead it’s a different kind of intimacy she hadn’t known she wanted.

“Alina,” he breathes once more, and then he kisses her, so softly at first, it’s barely anything. Her stomach is doing cartwheels regardless. She takes initiative, kissing him back. Still soft, still careful, afraid that whatever this is between them is something fragile, something that needs delicacy. In some ways, it is. Her closest friendship, blossoming into something more. 

Mal lets out the softest moan, and it snaps something between them. 

He pulls her closer, his hand on the back of her neck, and now Alina is the one moaning, fervor replacing the softness, the delicacy. It’s the kind of kiss she’s been fantasizing about, made even better from how obvious it is that they’ve both wanted this for a long time. A desperate kiss bursting with desire. 

Alina shifts closer until she’s practically straddling his lap. Mal brings one hand to rest on her lower back, the other curling into her hair. His lips move to her neck, trailing down until he reaches her collarbone, where he nips and sucks, undoubtedly leaving a mark. 

“Mal,” she sighs, her head tipped back from the feeling as her hips roll against his. He curses against her skin. Her hands move to the hem of his shirt, ready to pull it off. 

All of a sudden, Mal pulls away, stopping her hands with his own. “Alina, don’t.”

She blinks her eyes open. “Do you want to move to your room?”

Mal bites his lip and shakes his head.

Alina frowns, any warmth in her chest turning cold. She quickly returns to her own side of the couch. “I don’t understand. I thought you wanted this.” Wanted me, she thinks but doesn’t say. Because he certainly had no issues with Zoya.

“I do!” he says quickly, taking her hand again and trying to pull her back. She holds her ground, pulls her hand out of his. “I do want this, Alina. Saints, I do. But this is technically our first date, right? I don’t want to do first date sex, not with you.”

Alina rolls her eyes, looking down and tugging at a loose thread on her dress. “Is this where you say something you think sounds respectful but really just puts down all the girls you have had first date sex with?”

“Alina, please look at me.”

Grudgingly, she does. 

“You’re different because you’re my best friend, and because I’ve been hooking up with our mutual friend.” She flinches, but Mal continues. “I don’t want you to think we have to have sex because of that. What I had with Zoya — it was good, and I care about Zoya, but it didn’t go beyond the physical. That’s all we wanted from each other. But that’s not all I want with you.”

Mal closes his eyes. Alina’s unconsciously holding her breath. He exhales and opens his eyes again, holding her gaze. “I want everything with you, Alina. I want your highs and your lows. I want to take you against the wall as much as I want to hold your hand.” He does so now, both of his hands around one of hers, and this time she doesn’t pull away. “And if you didn’t want to be physical? I’d still want you. I don’t want you to think there’s anything we have to do. That’s why I want to wait — even if I also want to take you to my room and pin you against my bed, too.”

“Oh,” she says, barely audible. Alina shakes her head, a little speechless. “I don’t know what to say.”

The corner of his mouth tugs up. “Was that too rom-com confessional?”

The tension breaks. She laughs and climbs onto his lap again, wrapping her arms around his neck. “You’re such a dork, but you’re the perfect dork. So we’ll wait.” She pauses and looks up at him with innocent eyes. “But will you kiss me again?”

Mal grins, pushes her down against the couch, and does just that. 

~

When she gets home, Zoya is waiting in the living room, reading a smutty romance book Genya had recommended. “Hey, how’d it go?” she asks, too casually to actually be casual. 

Alina ignores her and walks straight to her room. She’s decided to let Zoya sweat it out a bit for the weekend after her little stunt, even if it was successful. 

Though really, she didn’t think it would bother Zoya that much. Hard as steel Zoya, who never let anything get to her. But on Sunday, she bursts into Alina’s room, interrupting her studying. 

“Okay, I know you hate me now or whatever, but at least let me tell you that I’m sorry. I didn’t know how much you liked him, Alina. Not until Genya told me.”

Alina closes her book, frowning. “Genya told you?”

Zoya nods and sits at the end of her bed. “Recently, when I told her about Nikolai and that I was thinking about cutting things off with Mal. Don’t be mad at her, just be mad at me.” 

“Well—” she starts, but Zoya cuts her off. 

“And honestly? The worst part is, part of me did know. I saw the looks you gave each other, but I brushed them off because I was selfish and enjoying myself. I was a really, really shit friend to you, and I’m so sorry, Alina. You don’t have to forgive me, but I just—

Zoya stops mid-sentence, cut off by the laughter bubbling out of Alina. 

“Saints, I never thought I’d see the day that Zoya Nazyalensky grovels.” She shoots her a grin. “I accept your apology. And as much as I want to hate you for your meddling stunt, it worked, because we definitely spent the night making out. I just did the whole silent treatment to make you suffer a little.”

A moment passes — Zoya is completely still, too still — and then she grabs one of Alina’s pillows and smacks her with it. “You little rat!”

Alina only laughs harder, fighting off Zoya’s pillow attack with her hands. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say sorry non-sarcastically! You did so well, Nazyalensky!”

“And you’ll never hear it again! You’ve lost apology privileges! 

Eventually, Alina moves into the living room to study, and Zoya joins her. When their brains need a break, Alina tells her about her date with Mal, and Zoya tells her about her own with Nikolai. If this is their new normal, Alina finds that she really likes it. 

~

The next week is outstandingly better than the previous. She’s back to talking to Mal each day, even more than before. Halfway through the week, he sends her a song with the message, This song made me think of you the first time I heard it, still does every time. It has her heart beating extra fast as she listens on her walk to class, not only because it’s incredibly sweet, but because Mal has played this song for her before, months and months ago, which means he’s felt this way the whole time. 

Early Saturday evening, Zoya announces that she’s spending the night at Nikolai’s. “He has his own apartment, so it just makes sense. I’ll be home in the morning, probably.”

Thank the Saints for rich boys. 

She texts Mal, and Zoya’s barely gone for ten minutes before he’s there. They make dinner together — well, Alina sits on the counter while Mal does the actual cooking, but he spends any down time kissing her, so she likes to think she was the moral support. They eat on the couch, watching their favorite trashy reality television, and play a few rounds of Mario Kart afterwards. Really, it’s just like how things were when they were simply best friends, except now Alina drapes her body over his as they watch their show, Mal’s thumb moving in slow circles on her ankle, and instead of talking or playing on their phones during ad breaks, they pick up where they left off in the kitchen, their lips pressed together in a blissful ease. 

They’re on their fifth game of Mario Kart, Alina in the lead, as she has been every round. She’s bragging about how she’s going to beat him again when suddenly her vision is blocked as Mal presses his lips to hers. 

Her surprise doesn’t stop her from dropping her controller and kissing back. She’s just getting into the kiss when Mal pulls away as quickly as he had started the kiss. He stands, and only then does she see he never dropped his controller. Picking up right where he left off, he steers Luigi towards the finish line. (“Who the hell picks Luigi?” Alina had asked him once. To which Mal responded, “It’s not fair people only care about his brother when he probably works just as hard at their plumbing business. It’s just like people only knowing Adam Levine and ignoring the rest of Maroon 5—” which led to a very cute rant that Alina spent less time listening to and more time staring at his lips while he was distracted.)

Alina fumbles for her controller, but it’s too late. Mal hasn’t come in first — some of the computers still beat him. But he’s beat her, which by the smirk on his face, was his only goal.

“You’re such a cheater!”

“It’s not cheating, it’s strategy.”

“I suppose you need your strategy, since you don’t have any skills.”

Mal raises a brow, a devious look in his eyes. “Is that so? Perhaps I should show you my skills, then.” He moves in front of her and kneels on the couch, a leg on either side of her body, essentially pinning her there, and kisses her again. 

Immediately, she can feel the difference from the strategy kiss and even the ones from earlier that night. He’s kissing with purpose, cradling her face with one hand, the other on her waist, and Alina is melting against him. She is putty in Mal’s hands, his to mold how he pleases. 

He’s holding himself so that his weight isn’t pressing down on her, but that’s exactly what she wants. Her hips buck up against his, and Mal pulls back to moan, “Fuck, Alina,” so she does it again.

“Please tell me we can have second date sex.”

Mal chuckles. “Are we even going to bother with the dating process?”

“I don’t know, are we?”

“I don’t know. Do I need to ask you to be my girlfriend?”

Alina grins. “I wouldn’t mind hearing it.

“All right. Alina, my beauty, my beloved, will you bless me with the honor of calling you my girlfriend?”

Her grin widens, and giddy butterflies dance inside her chest. No, not butterflies — fireflies. She can feel their warmth and wouldn’t be surprised if she was glowing from their light. “Oh, I suppose.”

Mal laughs. “I can’t stand you,” he says, and kisses her again.

Alina returns the kiss for a moment before murmuring against his lips, “You don’t have to stand me, but now that you’re my boyfriend, can you fuck me?”

He practically growls as he says, “Saints, yes,” standing and lifting her with him. Mal brings them to her room, kissing her the whole way. He unceremoniously shoves her school books off of her bed, laying her down and crawling over her. “You don’t know how often I’ve imagined this,” he murmurs, lips on her throat. 

“Tell me,” she gasps.

“Every time I came over, Alina. Every time.”

A shiver runs down her spine. “Even when you were here to—”

“Especially then.”

She has no idea what to do with this information. Her head is empty of thought save for the screaming need for more of him, so she pulls his shirt over his head. This time, Mal doesn’t stop her. Her hands roam over all the places she’s been dying to touch; down his back, tracing along his spine, up over his stomach, fingers running along the muscles of his chest, brushing over a few scars he’s accumulated through the years.

“You’re so perfect,” she whispers. Smooth in some places, rougher in others, but so incredibly warm everywhere.

Mal tips her chin up, kisses her lips once, hard, and then another to her jaw, down her neck, her collarbone. Then he’s the one tossing her shirt aside, his lips continuing their decent. He’s pressing soft words into her skin as he kisses her — beauty, beloved, cherished, my heart —murmuring his love for her even as he brings her nipple between his teeth.

“Shit, Mal,” Alina breathes. Her hips keep bucking, far beyond her control. He chuckles, murmurs something along the lines of no patience, and quickens his pace. Soon enough, he’s got her undressed completely — which isn’t too unnerving after the shower incident. Any lingering nerves flee once his head is between her thighs. She’s suddenly very thankful Zoya isn’t home, because even though it’s never been a problem during sex before, she absolutely cannot control the noises she’s making — and she’s loud.

Mal returns to her with glistening lips. She kisses him and tastes herself, a thrill better than any rollercoaster. Her hands move to the waistband of his pants, giving a half-hearted tug. “Off.”

“So lazy,” he teases, unclasping the button on his jeans, tugging down the zipper. “I could always make you work for it.”

“Have mercy on me, Oretsev. I’m still recovering from the pleasures of your cocky mouth.”

He looks so proud of himself, she wants to kiss him just to wipe the smirk off of his face. “If you enjoyed my cocky mouth, just wait until you feel my—

“Do not finish that sentence.”

But then he’s pushing down his boxers, and all Alina can do is stare as the cock in question springs free. He’s fully hard this time around, and her thighs squeeze together at the sight. He watches her as she practically drools over his dick, his smirk becoming even, well, smirkier. She reaches out and curls her fingers around his length, giving him two quick strokes — both to clear the smirk from his face and because she so very much wants to touch him. 

“Fuck, Alina,” he hisses. He’s reaching for his jeans, probably to grab a condom from his pocket, but she grabs his hand.

“I’m on the pill, and I’ve been tested recently.” Of course, there’s still a slight risk. But it’s Mal — finally Mal — and she wants to feel every inch of him.

He pauses, then nods. “Okay.” Crawling over her, he takes one of her hands and intertwines their fingers. With his other hand, he grips his cock and drags the tip through her folds like the damn tease he is, eliciting needy mewling from her that he seems to enjoy. In her ear, he murmurs, “How do you want this, Alina?”

“I don’t want to be able to walk tomorrow.”

Mal chuckles softly, but the sound so close to her ear sends more shivers down her spine. “As you wish, moya solnishka.” My little sun.

She has only a brief moment to bask in the sweetness of his words before he’s slamming into her all in one go, anything sweet flying out the window. Mal keeps a steady rhythm while sucking on her neck, which is good, because all Alina can do is moan incoherently as her nails leave scratches down his back.

When he senses her getting close, Mal brings his finger to her clit, circling just right. “Saints!” she cries, and comes undone beneath him once again. But this time, she gets to watch him fall over the edge with her, his eyes so incredibly dark as he moans his release. He’s the only man she’s ever let come inside of her, and it feels very right that it’s Mal — she doesn’t want anyone else filling her like this, marking her in a sense as his spend drips down her thighs.

They stay like that for a while, foreheads pressed together, sweaty and sticky, but blissfully so. 

“So, is the sex still good on this side of the apartment?”

In answer, he dips his head and bites down on one of her tits.

“Shit, Malyen!”

“Ridiculous questions get ridiculous responses,” he teases, then wraps his arms around her, tucking his face into the crook of her shoulder. “You’re all I’ve wanted for two years, Alina, and this still beat my expectations.”

Smiling, she rests her chin against the top of his head. “Good. I would hate to have to start fucking in Zoya’s bed just because you like the airflow better there.”

“Smart ass,” Mal mutters, but he’s smiling. Then he says, "You know, this may not be my first time fucking in this apartment, but I’m still checking off a first tonight — of many, I hope.”

Alina rolls her eyes. “Yes, I’m aware this is your first time fucking me in this apartment, dumb ass.”

"That’s not what I meant, rude ass.”

She frowns. “Then what did you mean?”

He squeezes her hip. “It’s my first time spending the night.”

Her heart does a little jump in her chest, and she doesn’t even have it in her to tease that she hasn’t actually asked him to stay yet. But stay he does, though he gets her off a few more times before they pass out for the night — definitely beating her vibrator. One time it’s with his fingers, so incredibly long that she knows all her fantasies will involve the slender digits now. Another is after Alina murmurs about how filthy she is and that she really ought to take a shower. 

Mal waits long enough to join her that she starts to worry he hadn’t understood her intent. But then she hears his footsteps, and the shower curtain opens. There’s no bottle throwing this time, though she can’t say the same for the screaming. He steps into the shower, kisses her slowly, sensually, then pushes her back until she shivers from the feeling of cold tile against her bare skin.

“I meant to ask, you do know you have mirrors in here, right?” Mal murmurs huskily into her ear. She’s too disoriented with want to understand until he says, “I saw you staring at my ass last time.”

Then he slams into her, and Alina no longer has to imagine how it feels to be fucked against the shower wall.

[ezrasarm]

Ori’jagyc

Pairing: Paz Vizsla x Mandalorian!Reader

Word count: 4.2K

Summary: Paz beats the shit out of someone. But he does it with love!

Warnings: Canon typical (?) violence, a bit of angst over here, a bit of fluff over there, my attempt to give a character with five seconds of screen time an entire backstory… this is a mere interpretation!

A/n: I don’t know when… I don’t know how… but I have fallen for the big blue buckethead ...sooooooo this happened. I’m new to writing for Paz so please let me know how it went!

[ masterlist ]

Paz wasn’t exactly a prideful man. But he did carry the name Mando with a type of honour and sanctity that you saw in few others. He was fiercely devoted to his creed and to upholding the Mandalorian way and although part of that was accepting that other Mandalorians interpreted the tenets of Mandalorian life in different ways, he did have a tendency to take other’s looser abidance by the creed personally. You had no reason to believe this time was any exception.

You hadn’t been planning on stopping by the training arena today but a low thrum reverberating off of the coverts walls piqued your curiosity. The closer you followed the noise the clearer it became, soon morphing into what you could make out as the cacophonous metal clang of beskar consorted with raucous shouts. It wasn’t until you had stepped into the buzzing space that you saw the dense huddle of Mandalorians encircling one of the many training mats. The scene was not new to you, it seemed that a well-matched fight of this nature broke out at least once a week and was able to draw the eyes of those with nothing better to do than watch. It wasn’t until you were close enough for their chants to make out decipherable words that it hit you. “Paz” they were shouting, over and over again, cheering him on. 

Your pace quickened at that, shoulders forceful and your smaller frame coming to your advantage as you slipped between the clamouring bodies until you found a familiar silhouette. “What happened?” You asked, your voice already breathless when you gripped Din’s upper arm. Paz and Din had a long-standing difference of opinion on many things but they still treated one another as brothers. He had a genuine concern for the large, blue-clad mandalorian that not many in the covert did, thinking that a man of that size could certainly handle himself. 

Din hesitated a moment before speaking, mouth dry and words clumsy falling out of his mouth. “He insulted his ability to protect the clan,” Din said, concern clear in his tone when he leaned closer to speak over the roar of mandalorians looking for their afternoon’s entertainment. 

“Kriff,” you muttered under your breath. A comment like that around Paz and you surely had a death wish. To insult his ability to protect was as good as insulting his devotion to his religion and that was not something he took lightly. 

His parents had died in their fight to uphold the mandalorian way. To him, dishonouring it was as good as dishonouring them. Heroes, who died warriors’ deaths. He would not allow those deaths to be in vain and he most certainly would not allow himself to taint their family name. So a careless insult like that was not something he could let stand. 

Unfortunately, they happened a lot. People saw a man of his stature and reputation and they saw a challenge. Someone to provoke so they could prove their strength. Sadly for them it didn’t always work out that way. “Why didn’t you stop him?” You ask, as though you could even attempt placing that responsibly on him.

“He wouldn’t listen. He never does.” Din sighs but you’re already turning your attention to the front of the crowd where you can hear the clash of armour on armour. “Wait, I wouldn’t-” Din had tried to argue, arm stretching out to try and catch your wrist but you had already disappeared from his line of sight, jostling your way through more solid bodies.

You had seen Paz lose his temper before. He could be quick to anger and even quicker to start a fight. What was worse was he didn’t often lose. You could remember quite clearly those times as kids- he would never admit it of course but he was a sensitive child. One mal word in his direction and he would lose it. Speaking about things as cumbersome as emotions wasn’t something people tended to invest their time in so no one really took the time to find out why. They excused it as anger issues and went on with their days. 

He had grown better about it over the years, more level headed and harder to shake- both qualities which made him the good leader he was. But there were still times where he would fracture and that same angry, hurting child would burst forth. 

When you finally managed to wriggle your way to the front, he was pacing the fighting ring slowly. Carefully circling his prey. A routine you knew quite well at this point. “Ori'buyce, kih'kovid.” he spoke, his voice warning and serious but it carried a hearty edge to it. One that normally caused a warmth to bloom in your chest but in this case it made your blood run cold. He was enjoying this too much. “How’s the view from down there, alor?”

His opponent was on his knees, folded over himself. One palm was planted firmly on the mat while the other clutched at his ribs. “Nar'sheb,” he gasped out before pushing himself upright, the hand that had been gripped at his side now held out a vibroblade which Paz hit out of his grasp with what was quite literally a slap on the wrist before dragging him closer by his extended arm. You gasped when he jutted a hand out to grab the olive green armoured mandalorian by the throat, raising him a foot or so in the air before slamming him back down into the ground. Paz crouched over him now, his helmet hardly a couple of inches from that of his opponent’s before speaking again.

“You want to try that again?” He asked through what you were sure were gritted teeth.

“Nar’” the green-tinged mandalorian choked out through a raspy cough, “sheb,” he finished. Your stomach dropped at that. He had just given Paz the exact excuse he wanted. If it was an insult to him, it was an insult to the creed and that, to Paz, was justification enough for punishment. Before you knew it he was kneeling on his opponent’s chest pounding blow after unwavering blow into the offender’s helmet. You knew his hands would be raw and bloody after that. You kept waiting for him to stop- for him to get tired, or bored or for some sense to be knocked into him- but he kept going and when an ear splitting crack of the plastoid composite giving way fired through the room you knew the next hit would be fatal.

“Paz!” You exclaimed. You hadn’t raised your voice but it carried nonetheless. You hadn’t realized you had lurched yourself into the ring either until his fist stopped in mid-air, the cheering shouts which had since turned to panicked murmurs of protest, went silent as it shook there. You could see the cogs turning in his head, the war of anger and reason grappling in his mind. “Stop.” You said. It could have been a whisper but his hand dropped nonetheless, falling limp at his side as he rolled off of his opponent so he sat, folded in on himself, arms balanced on the tops of his knees as he heaved in exhaustion.

When it dawned on you that, having taken away their only source of entertainment, you had since become the centre of attention. You paused, straightening up as you turned to face the crowd of spectators. “What are you doing looking at me for? Get him to a med bay.” You said. You held no authority here and yet suddenly when you spoke you found people listening and the large green warrior was being shuffled out of the room by several bystanders. 

“And you,” You said quieter now. The words were only meant for you and him to hear when you pressed a palm to his shoulder. “You need to calm yourself down.” You said. Your voice, firm but gentle as you spoke, gripping one of his hands firmly to act as leverage for him to find his footing. The strongman act had returned when he was upright again. Posture stoic and back rigid as he gave you a quiet nod but he still seemed... lost: in a daze that made it hard for you to be mad at him. “I’ll be over to check on you in a minute.” You whisper now, pointing him off in the direction of the benches which lined the large room.

“I don’t know how you do that.” Din spoke. Pushing himself off the wall of the hallway as you left the med bay where you had gone to check on Paz’s latest sparring partner. You needed to keep yourself busy. You needed to give Paz some space. 

“Do what?” You ask, as you swivel on your heel to face him.

“Get him to listen to you.” Din added. You had to laugh at that. It often felt like Paz didn’t listen to anyone but himself. He may be physically strong but he was headstrong too, which, as you had learned, could be a dangerous combination. “You really don’t know do you?” Din asks. There’s an amused lilt to his voice and you find your eyebrows furrowing under your mask at the sound of it. 

You would have told him to wipe that smirk off his face but you were too confused by the question that went with it so care. “Know what?” You ask, giving him a skeptical nod as you readjust your posture.

“You have him wrapped around your finger.” Din chuckles now as though it's obvious. 

You yourself acknowledged that the sight was a funny one to behold. A man as large, burly and threatening as himself being told what to do by someone about half his size. The idea that he listened at all- that you held so much power over him- well that concept was amusing enough but now Din asked you how and you had no explanation for him.

Perhaps it was because of the soft spot you’d had for him since childhood. While others saw a big intimidating bully you saw a misunderstood child. A warm heart with a sense of humour like no other and a will to do nothing but the best for those he cared for. You weren’t quite sure when it was that Paz became your responsibility. To put him back together in more ways than one after a particularly gruelling fight, to check in on him when a mission didn’t go according to plan or to keep him company when others were too scared. But you took on the deed without hesitation. You did it because you saw something in him that pulled at your heartstrings. You did it because you cared for him and as much as you knew he would never admit it, he needed the support. He needed you…

Which was why you found yourself swallowing down the questions you had for Din and excusing yourself. “How are you doing over here, ori’jagyc?” You asked, nudging his foot gently with the toe of your boot. The word, a schoolyard insult he had been pestered with as a child, would normally cause his blood to boil had it been said by anyone else. But he liked the way it sounded coming off of your tongue. The way you reclaimed it as a term of endearment for him rather than a way to tease him over his size and sometimes tumultuous temper.

He was sitting on the edge of the bench you had left him at in the now nearly empty training hall. Feet planted on the floor, elbows planted on his knees and helmet planted in his palms. “Paz...” you said as you came to kneel in front of him when you got no acknowledgement.

“It was a fair fight.” He finally spoke after a few more moments. His face was still buried from view but you thought that was progress enough. 

“I know it was, Paz.” You hummed softly, placing a hand on his knee to test the waters. When he didn’t shove you away, you scooted yourself a little closer between his feet to try and coax his gaze up to yours but he didn’t budge. 

“I didn’t mean to...” His voice trails off as though he’s at a loss for words. “Ni nu copaani kyr'amur ner vod.” He says, voice half-broken and weak in a way you knew not many got to bare witness to. You could hear the regret even through the crackle of his modulator. 

“I know you didn’t.” You crooned. “He might not be challenging you to a rematch any time soon but I hear he’s gonna be okay.” You assure him. You don’t get to know Paz Vizsla as well as you do without knowing that sometimes he miscalculated his own strength. He had taken a vow to protect the covert- all of it- and you knew he would never do anything to undermine that, even if the idiot had it coming. “He was taunting you, he shouldn’t have done that.” You conceded. 

But what you saw today was no scuffle over a few carelessly discarded insults. There was something else burning behind those punches you just couldn’t figure out what it was yet. You would have asked him but when your gaze fell to his lap to try and gather your thoughts you spotted his hands still trembling slightly between you and you winced. The mental note you had made from before coming back to the forefront of your mind. 

“May I?” You murmured sliding your small hands under his giant palms and waiting for permission before gently tugging at each of the fingertips to loosen them and sliding the gloves off as delicately as you could. If he felt any pain- you were sure he must have- he didn’t show it. Your eyes scanned over his knuckles, bruised, bloodied and swollen already. You were sure he must have fractured a few bones just by looking at it. You wondered how he could have done this. What must have boiled over in him to inflict this kind of pain upon himself without hesitation.

Your other hand had come to lift his chin but he resisted and it made you sigh in gentle exasperation. “Look at me.” You said. Your tone wasn’t demanding or harsh. Instead, it was gentle and maybe even a little bit desperate. It made his heart clench in his chest and then there it was again, that inexplicable obedience and razor-sharp consideration of your every word as his visor tilted up to settle on you. 

“Paz, I’m worried that one day you aren’t going to stop in time.” You say suddenly. You know he can’t see them but your eyes are pleading behind your mask. “You don’t need that kind of blood on your hands. Your conscience suffers enough without it.” This time he’s the one to sigh. You can feel the tension of his head trying to bow out of sight again but you keep your palm on the cheek of his helmet rooted, steady in its place and he gives in.

“I knew better.” He agrees solemnly. “I know that. But something snapped inside of me. Something I couldn’t control- that I still can’t- I…” His words trail off and you can sense his reluctance to finish the thought so you take the opportunity to fill the silence instead.

“Din said he insulted you.” You pressed, tentatively. You didn’t want to reignite a conflict that should remain extinguished but you had to know what that anger was. At that, he actually choked out a laugh that caught you slightly off guard.

“They can insult me all they want.” Was his response. His head shaking as though you should have known that already. “You taught me that. I’m used to it at this point.” He explained and the thought that anything you said actually stuck in that big head of his actually warmed your heart a little. Now your mind reeled with even more questions of what all that was about, what it was that could possibly have gotten him so angry, why Din had said what he had earlier, why it felt different this time, why it struck fear in you, why- 

You were so deep in thought you hadn’t realized the way your hand squeezed down on his until a low hiss broke through his modulator and your gaze flitted back down to his hands. Suddenly your sympathy for his wounds and need to care for them outweighed your curiosity as you muttered a whisper of an apology and touched the crown of your helmet to his briefly as you got up. The action was so quick, and instinctual you hardly even realized you had done it. But Paz had. It was over so fast he wondered if it might have been an accident but it made his heart skip a beat and his cheeks heat up behind his visor nonetheless.

“C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up, big man.” You say now, nodding in the direction of the exit when he didn’t follow you immediately. Too stunned in his place for his actions to keep up with his mind. At that he let out a huff as he heaved his undoubtedly aching body onto his feet and followed you out into the stone gilded corridors of the covert.

“I hear you’ve gone soft, Vizsla!” a voice you didn’t recognize shouted from the end of the hall. You squeezed Paz’s arm, a silent urge for him to stay put as you whipped around on your heel, sliding the staff from off of your back into your grip as you paced down the hallway to his pesterer. That softness he spoke of, and the juxtaposition of it to his hulking form had to be one of your favourite parts about him. You thought of the way his thumbs had grazed over the backs of your hands as you inspected his knuckles only moments ago, the tickle of his silk-like touch against yours and the way it made you tingle with some emotion you couldn’t quite place. The fact that it and the warmth that it brought to you could be strung into an insult made your blood boil. “I hear you can’t finish what you start!”

“You want to wind up in the same shape as the other guy?” you ask, pointing the stick in the direction where the victim of Paz’s most recent outburst had been lying under an hour ago. 

“What? You gonna get him to swoop in and fight your battles for you again, copikla?” He chuckled, taking a challenging step closer to you. Again? You thought, but you were too busy being insulted by his gross underestimation of both you and Paz to care.

“I wasn’t talking about him.” You threatened, jabbing the staff towards him with a practiced flourish, only stopping when it hovered just in front of his windpipe. You stayed like that for a few moments, maintaining eye contact for a menacingly long period of time before dropping your grip so the weapon rested at your side. “I think we’ve all seen enough action for one day.” You declare, not missing the opportunity to swing his heels out from beneath him in one swift motion of your staff as you turned to walk away. 

“You’re good with that thing.” Paz remarked, still slightly dumbfounded in his place. He knew you could fight. He had experienced it first hand before. But this time was different. The refinement with which you held your weapon and the elegance you possessed as you moved with it as though it was an extension of your own body was not lost on him. The tact to your words and the conviction in each step all the more enticing. And the fact that it was for him... Paz couldn’t deny that watching the whole ordeal unfold made his chest swell with pride, admiration and maybe a little bit of something else.

“I know.” He can hear the smirk in your voice as you rejoin him, not quite sure why his praise towards you and the way his gaze lingered on you made your stomach churn with nerves.

“Remind me not to vex you.” He notes when he finally finds the sense to fall into step beside you again.

“You would do well to remember that anyway, ori’jagyc.” You huff through a smile, bumping into him gently with your shoulder. 

And that was the tipping point. 

Every bit of tension that had been building in him since you had stepped into that ring and put everyone, including himself, in their place came bursting forth. He just had to do something. Tell you anything. To let you know how wild you drove him. To show you how much he appreciated you and how little he would be without you. To tell you about all the things that he would do for you if you would just ask. 

Before you knew it he was grabbing you by the elbow and dragging you into a darkened alcove away from prying eyes. The action may have been harsh but his touch was light when he pressed you to the cool stone wall, breathing ragged through his modulator.

“What he insulted, was your honour, verd’ika.” Paz said quite suddenly, voice breathless as though he couldn’t get the words out fast enough. “And that, I was not willing to let stand.” He admitted. Still struggling to gain your bearings, it took you a moment for your mind to catch up. He must have been continuing your conversation from before. The one that left your head spinning with so many questions. All at once that comment from before made sense now. Again. You thought. He had been fighting for you...

You softened at the thought of it. Here you had been, scolding him for falling back into old habits. Letting his rage get the better of him. Something you thought he had learned to control. Yet now, the thought that it was all for you, that you could drive such passion from him, made your breath catch in your lungs. It was one thing to fight for your own honour, something which had landed him in trouble countless times before, but another thing entirely to fight to protect someone else’s. You were glad he couldn’t see the tears that threatened to breach your eyes or the way your mouth gaped trying to find a response to him.

“I… I don’t know what to say...” You murmured back to him. He didn’t miss the way your voice caught in your throat. 

“You don’t have to say anything, cy-” He cut himself off abruptly and you felt heat rise up your neck until it licked at your cheeks and the bridge of your nose at the thought of what he had almost said.

“So that was all... for me?” You ask, your mind flitting back to the fury with which he threw his punches, the conviction and intensity behind them and suddenly you felt a similar feeling blooming in the cavity of your chest. Except instead of anger or rage to accompany it you felt an overwhelming urge to draw him as close to you as possible.

As if reading your mind his feet shuffled closer, the grip you hadn’t even realized was on your hip, slipped to the small of your back, your spine curving so your chest pressed flush against his as he towered over you. You supposed it could have been intimidating, the way his frame engulfed you, but instead an incredible sense of calm and security washed over you. Like you had just found refuge in the safest of sanctuaries and now you never wanted to leave. 

“There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, meshla.” He said, bowing his head so he could kiss the crown of his helmet to yours. The exact way that hadn’t stopped playing through his head on repeat since the unceremonious bonk of your forehead to his minutes ago. He had never wished so hard that he could take it off as now in his heady daze of affection. That he could feel your skin on his, smell the scent that tangled in your hair and taste your lips against his own. Your arms slipped around the back of his neck, your eyes squeezing shut as you nuzzled into him and focused all of your attention on the feeling of your chest rising and falling in unison with his.

“I would do anything for you ...cyare.” You hum into him, a light teasing tone for the way he had choked on his words just a moment ago. 

You did that to him. 

You caused the covert’s most intimidating warrior to stutter on his words and his palms to sweat. A warm rumble rolls through his chest like thunder in a summer storm. It makes your lips pry upwards at the sound of it. 

Ori’jagyc. 

The nickname causes a hint of a laugh to bubble in the back of your throat when you’re trapped in his embrace like this. He’s warm and his arms are secure around you. His touch so feather-light on you that you wonder how it’s possible for him to strike fear in so many people when he turned around and treated you this way. 

Your ori’jagyc.

You supposed you had an answer for Din’s question now.

-- Mando’a Translations

Ori'buyce, kih'kovid - all helmet no head (usually used to talk to someone with an over-inflated sense of authority)

Alor - boss

Nar'sheb - like “shove it” but much stronger

Ori’jagyc - bully, swaggering big-mouth - someone who picks on someone smaller - lit. *big man* said sarcastically, applied equally to women 

Ni nu copaani kyr'amur ner vod - I would not willingly shed my brother's blood

Copikla - cutie (taken as an insult in mandalorian culture)

Verd’ika - little warrior

meshla - beautiful

Cyare - Beloved

[ masterlist ]

Permanent Taglist

I am aware that Paz is not a Pedro character. If you wish not to be tagged in Paz stories in the future let me know!

 @agirllovespasta @chaoticspaceidiot @engineeredfiction @pedropascalito  @dreamgirl-67 @wickedfrsgrl @hillarymurray4 @din-damn-djarin @yespolkadotkitty @wille-zarr @chaotic-noceur @oloreaa @this-cat-is-dea @marydjarin @roxypeanut @opheliaelysia @cryptkeepersoul @mrschiltoncat @prxtty-boah @aliciaxglasgow

Bucket Bois Taglist (Din, Paz)

@iamwarrenspeace @princessxkenobi @motleymoose @datmando​ @my-awakened-ghost​

Paz Vizsla Taglist

@maybege @pazvizslasgirl4ever​ @queenofheavenandhell​ @aeryntheofficial​ @hdlynn​ @corrupt-fvcker​ @holamor​ @astroberry​

[thrillridesz]

This is completely unnecessary and completely dumb but as an avid fan of six of crows, I’m going to assign a crow + shadow and bone character to my moots today for no particular reason other than the fact I feel like it. (if you haven’t already read Leigh Bardugo’s six of crows duology, what are you doing. I haven’t yet read S&B so I’ll base it completely off the Netflix show.)

!NO SPOILERS! (So rest assured)

+ also consider this a love letter to y’all.

[My moots as SoC crows + Shadow and Bone characters]

Kaz Brekker - @timextoxhajima

Resourceful, ingenious and cunning - these are all words that describe Ketterdam’s infamous ‘Dirtyhands’. Having single-handedly led the Crow Club to its esteemed, notorious status in the Barrel in a matter of a few short years, this man is shrewd and nothing can get past him. Determined in everything he does and well-prepared for any obstacles that stand in his way, Kaz Brekker is a crook to be well-respected, valued and feared. 

Just like Kaz, I think Dana is a very clever person and I’ve never really seen her break a sweat over anything even when under intense pressure. She’s strong and very dedicated to everything she does which is super admirable. I feel like both Kaz and Dana give me the vibes that if they’re around, everything will be fine because they are able to handle anything thrown in their way.

Inej Ghafa - @sunqnyu

Inej, for a wraith, is probably one of the characters with the strongest moral compass I’ve ever seen in a book about a heist. She is kind, sensitive and merciful. When she’s after something she really wants, she doesn’t hold back and charges ahead (and she's great at what she does) but will never hurt others on her way there. Inej is a crow that cares about the people around her, especially the ones she loves, sometimes putting their own needs above her own. 

To me, Bella and Inej have a lot in common when it comes to their kind personalities and ability to see the good in everyone. They don’t treat people differently and are never mean to others. They may be soft hearted at times but can also be some of the most headstrong, competent people. Sometimes, I read SoC again and think of the similarities between Bella and Inej. It's uncanny.

Jesper Fahey - @yangyanghater

The best way to describe Jesper, the sharpshooter would be that of a volatile, crackling firecracker. Restless, full of chaotic energy and teasing, this man has a silver tongue and can quite literally chat his way either into trouble or out of. He lives on adrenaline rushes and when you talk to Jesper, you never know what you’re going to get. Laughter would be a good bet.

Cal and Jesper should just be twins at this point. Seriously, when it came to Jesper, I was just immediately like ‘Ok, Cal. No doubt about it.’ They both radiate such chaotic energy, I HAD TO. The sarcasm that they both have are one of a kind and I think talking to Cal would be very much like talking to Jesper. You always feel excited or intrigued. 

Nina Zenik - @moonsunwoojoong

A Grisha heartrender, Nina does more than practice the small sciences and is able to quite literally charm others just by being herself! She is confident, witty and very strong at heart. Never one to care about what others have to say about her, she expresses herself freely and openly. Her flirtatious wiles endear to everyone and she is truly a people’s person. Loyal to a fault, Nina never leaves her own people in a rut.

Amber and Nina... God, they would make an amazing pair. I feel like they would both sort of ‘get’ each other? Like they would both understand each other because of how similar their views are. Amber gives me very confident, segcy vibes just like Nina does and like Nina, Amber’s loyalty and softness for her ‘own people’ (like friends, family) is super endearing. 

Matthias Helvar - @berrysungie

Matthias was my favourite character in the SoC duology when I was first reading it, and he still is. Courageous and protective of those he loves, this Drüskelle will stop at nothing to defend those he considers dear to his heart from any danger out there even if it meant putting himself in harm’s way. He is a fighter, noble and though frigid and misunderstood at times, he only truly loosens up around his loved ones and will never, ever betray his allegiances.

Daisy and Matthias are both FIGHTERS. They never give up without a fight and firmly stand by their beliefs but are also very open to new opinions and are in no way, close-minded. They both strike me as very noble people and not gonna lie, sometimes I’m intimidated by Daisy as I am when I read about Matthias sometimes. It’s like they’re both so cool and I’m a potato.

Alina Starkov - @nyuwings​

Alina is upright, inquisitive and brave. We’re talking about a girl who chooses to face almost imminent death for the sake of a close friend. She may be naive at first but she learns quickly and she learns well. When she puts her heart into something, she excels at it. At the end of the day, no matter what happens, her loyalties are firm and she knows her rights from her wrongs. Willing to learn from her mistakes, that’s what makes the Sun Summoner so great compared to the other Grishas who are largely blinded by their own egos.

Elle always gave me main character vibes, I swear. Especially when we’re talking about main characters like Alina Starkov. When I talk to her, I sometimes feel like she has this untouchable, special aura? Like I want to tell her everything and I trust her. Like Alina, she's got a good head on her shoulders and I’m not sure honestly... Could it be the ‘Chosen One’ vibes?

Wylan Van Eck - @lsangyeons

Another gravely misunderstood character. Wylan is first seen as timid, afraid and constantly underestimated. Yet, what hides beneath this facade is an intelligent, tenacious soul. He is polite, considerate and full of good mannerisms despite being a part of the Dregs which honestly should have taken all of that from him but somehow they didn’t. Very kind and friendly, one should not take this sweet persona as something to be picked on because this man can quite literally blow your minds.

Yu and Wylan are to me both very overlooked. Not enough people appreciate them and it sucks because they deserve SO MUCH. They are the people that everyone takes for granted. They do not choose to make themselves known or try to take the spotlight away from their friends, but rather choose to support them from the back. They are talented but often don’t realise that they are. Very, very admirable.

Malyen Oretsev - @hhjs

Malyen to me is a very hotheaded, bold and valiant character. He never backs down from a fight and stand firm for what he believes to be right and doesn't care if there’s a thousand men going against him. This is what makes him so appealing. He does what he want when he wants and has a very strong sense of what is right and wrong.

I feel like Amal and Mal have a lot in common such that they are both very daring and firm people. They don’t let their opinions get swayed by anyone - what is right is right. They are unafraid to stand up to injustice and voice their opinions. Both exude a lot of confidence and somehow they just seem like people you like or look up to.

Genya Safin - @experimentalwrites

Genya is very much like a mentor. Her personality is gentle, encouraging and sweet. As a Grisha tailor, most of her job is focused on helping people and helpful she is. She is caring towards everyone and never discriminates. Good-natured and wise, she is the perfect definition of what a great role model should act and be like. 

Like Genya, Nabi exudes mentor like vibes to me. Around her, I feel like I can talk about my problems and seek sound advice from her. She doesn’t judge and can be depended upon. Her friendship is one I treasure a lot and her caring nature is what makes her so extremely attractive and amazing.

Zoya Nazyalensky - @sly-merlin

Zoya is what comes to mind when I think of a strong, independent woman whose leadership qualities far surpass that of others. Although prickly towards those she considers her enemies, she is very kind and forgiving towards the people she cares for. Even in great pressure, she is able to think clearly and exercise logical thinking. Her mere presence comforts those around her.

Simmi was the first person I thought of when I was thinking of Zoya. Competent, strategic and giving to her friends. They both have boss lady/queen vibes and though both may seem intimidating, are actually very sweet people. They have a hard exterior but a very soft, endearing interior. Precious beans, seriously.

[13eyond13]

☕( idk, maybe an) unpopular opinion. Near is a tragic character and his story is a contradiction of how his ego isn't like that of Light, L and Mello, which helps him "win" over them (pls don't take the word literally), but it's also the main cause of his struggles on the person he should be post-Kira.

In the previous ask I saw you said abt how O&O opinions on Near are depressing, is that the "Near is distant to people because he is sensitive" ? I actually relate to him a lot on that aspect and it allows me to think of him in a different way. I tend to treat his rational ability (along side the genius quirks) is a gifted curse that narrowed his choice down to being a detective. His nature (intelligence and fond of solving puzzle) and ideology (his speech in the warehouse) allow him to deliberately work on the Kira case and actually enjoy it to some extend. Detective was fun until it's not, it makes him choose between his ego and L's ego. When he states himself as L, it's the most tragic end for his character arc (tragic but not bad) and his personal motivation (fueled by his ego) slowly dies out. At A-Kira case point, his personal interest (in A-Kira) can't even get him into action. His way of reaching out to people who aren't his coworkers (that is necessary to form to bond with to get the job done) is just that overwhelmingly passive and desperate. I love Mello and Near dynamic to death but ship aside, I can't even make sense of how Near comes to like Mello as a person. I mean, what is it in him that Near find appealing? This make me feel like he treasures Mello that much bc Mello is the only person that value and see him as an invidual, as Near, rather than a detective, a L's successor.

Although I understand that DN is a detective story so it's hard to touch upon the mentality aspect of a character that is depicted as calm and stable, I'm still sad that most (if not every) adaptations hardly ever focus on him and when they do, it's all about his rational ability and his status as L's succesor (some even failed at this). Drama!Near is cute but I can't really grow on him (not to mention Drama!Mello is a mal-personaltity of Near that need to be supressed, gosh that messed me up). And I haven't watch other live-action movies yet bc there's no appeal in Near's charaters in those adaptations. He is reduced to a smart boy, more like a representation of all successors than himself. Also it's kinda disappointing to me that DN adaptations chose to focus on the first half but Light and L in these adaptations are never as good as the manga.

Sorry for this long and kinda depressing ask just wanna share some of my thoughts here, thank you for reading it all.

hello @mydearfortune, thank you for sharing your thoughts! I strongly agree with you about Near, and I think it's a shame his personality and deeper layers don't really come through in the adaptations outside the manga for me either. The bit that I found depressing in the HTR13 was that O&O both didn't seem to really like Near or to see him the same way that I saw him when I read the manga. He was one of my favourites overall, so it was a bit disappointing to me that they didn't seem to love him as much as I did.

I think Near's positive attachment to Mello is really curious and interesting and sad for him as well, and I love your interpretation of it and why he might feel affectionate toward him no matter what. I got the sense he had a lot of hopes tied up in reconciling with him and that he genuinely cared about him. I know not everyone agrees about this, but in my interpretation nearly all the interactions we see them have together seemed to be negative and hostile from Mello's end of things, and yet Near was still his most dedicated supporter at every turn. I can relate to this aspect of Near a little too well, where I sometimes will overthink people's actions or wish so badly to find something well-meaning and considerate behind it that I can trick myself into finding good intentions when there maybe aren't any to be found. I think it's depressing how he seemed to be languishing in the later one-shots as well, and I do think he's trying too hard to force himself into L's specific mold. L probably did well in that role because it was built around his specific personality, but I don't know if it's really working super well for Near. I want to fire him from L's job and make him go work at a board game cafe where he can chill for a bit and maybe meet a few nice friends who aren't just finger puppets or his employees, hahaha...

[c-rose2081]

Dragon Colds & Rose Petals

Love Like Dragons AU

Bevie | Huma (implied) | Gildry | Mal & Audrey BROTP

—

Evie Grimhilde was a happily married woman. She had been for nearly three months now, and it was marital bliss. But there was a small part of her that was still a lonely, single, Dragon mom. So when Ben walked in on her that day, struggling to keep the human thermometer in Mal’s mouth to take her temperature, he laughed.

Mal, her best friend and a five year old Isle Dragon, had been sick for the past two days. Evie wasn’t sure what brought it on, as Audrey - Ben’s Aurorian Dragon - didn’t seem to have anything. And of course that small, single, lonely dragon mom part of her reared it’s head. What if Mal was terminally ill? What if she died? What if Evie would wake up tomorrow and her best friend wouldn’t be there? It nearly sent her into hysterics. Coddling the cranky, tired spike menace was the only thing that could calm her.

Naturally, Mal hated it.

Ben, thankfully, was a level headed man, and he rescued poor Mal and quarantined her in another room. He then held Evie to his chest and quietly stroked her hair as she rattled off every possible dragon disease she found on the internet and their outcomes.

“I have a friend who’s a vet,” Ben told Evie when she had finally calmed down, holding her close as to keep her from spending the night with Mal - who was no doubt sleeping, “she comes and looks at Audrey every few months, I’m sure she’d be happy to give Mal a checkup,”

And so Evie agreed that a vet visit would be the best option, rather then trusting DragonMD. Of course, she wasn’t aware that Ben and this ‘vet’ were very close friends. Let alone that this ‘vet’ was a woman who he was apparently quite comfortable with. Uma was a pretty, muscly, dark skinned sort with long turquoise and white braids. She stood at least a head above Evie in height, and when she pictured a ‘vet’, Uma was quite far from what she was imagining.

“Uma!” Ben greeted with an open hug, “thanks for coming,”

“You’re lucky, Ben. I just got back into town,”

“Uma works in freight,” Ben explained to Evie, resting an arm around her waist as Uma pulled a rather large black duffle in behind her, “she travels a lot; it’s why you didn’t meet her at the wedding. Uma, this is my wife, Evie. I wrote to you about her,”

“Yeah; all good things thankfully. It’s nice to finally meet you,” Uma replied, Evie smiling in kind and taking her hand in a firm shake. The grip was incredibly strong, and the skin on her palms was callous, “Ben, I hope you don’t mind. But I brought Gil.”

“Who’s Gil?” Evie asked, brows popping up. She expected Gil to be a person, or perhaps a child. Having a large, horn-backed dragon wander in with a rose in his beak wasn’t what Evie expected at all. Like the day she had met Audrey, the girl yearned for her sketchbook, “oh my goodness,”

“I told you. Uma is great with dragons,” Ben laughed, “this is Gil,”

“My boyfriends dragon, actually,” Uma told Evie.

“I’ve never seen anything like him!” Evie exclaimed, jostling as ‘Gil’ nearly knocked her over when he came to bump the side of her leg with a wing.

“Sorry,” the sailor groaned, rolling her eyes as she grabbed the dragon by the back of the neck, “he’s really good with people, and gentle as they come. But he’s just so big,”

“What kind of dragon is he?” Evie asked, kneeling down to have a better look. Gil, unlike both Mal and Audrey, was built like a narrow turtle, and was armored like a tank. He had short legs with four toes each, and an articulated shell covering his nape, all the way down to his back legs. His tail was stubby, but sprouted four impressively long spikes, and his face was wide eye’d with a beak rather then a toothy maw. Gil’s wings, Evie noticed, folded inelegantly against the outside of his shell, a bit like messy accordion blinds. No doubt they were quite large in order to help such a bulky creature fly.

“Gil is a Coastal Dragon. They usually live out by the sea, in the sand,” Uma explained, heaving the creature to the side where he flopped to his belly unbothered, still holding the bright red flower in his beak, “Harry picked him up when he was traveling, and he’s been with us ever since. He’s a lazy beast,” Uma complained, tapping the creature’s shell with a boot, “doesn’t do jack-shit other then lay around all day,”

Evie couldn’t help but laugh at this, only to jump as Gil made a noise. It sounded almost like a tired, sad foghorn.

“He’s been crying like that all morning,”Uma drawled, “the minute he figured out I was coming here, he wouldn’t let me leave without him,”

“Why would he do that?” Evie asked, frowning slightly in confusion as Ben rubbed the back of his head and Uma glanced at him expectantly.

“Princess! Your boyfriend’s here!” Ben called out, his voice echoing through the tall vaulted ceiling of their house. Puzzled for a moment, Evie turned as Audrey’s birdsong reached her ear. It only took a second before the pink bullet - wings fully outstretched - glided into the room. Gil, who had previously been laying down, leapt up faster then Evie ever could’ve imagined for such a stocky beast. His accordion wings unfurled like a whip, and Uma tugged Evie backwards a step as he gave one powerful flap and was in the air.

“Sweet Merlin, he’s massive,” Evie breathed in wonder, watching as Gil captured Audrey in a mid-flight embrace, enfolding her between his arms and resting his large head on her crest, “are they...?”

“Together,” Ben confirmed with a nod, “it was a surprise to us to, once we figured it out,”

“Gil is romantic, the big lug,” Uma chuckled, placing her hands on her hips as Gil transferred the rose he’d been keeping to Audrey, who somehow managed to tuck it behind her ear flap in a very teenage-girl like manner, “he gets it from Harry, I think. Sorry about your rose bushes, Ben.” Uma admitted, grimacing slightly as Ben merely chuckled.

“It’s alright. The gardeners will take care of it,”

“Right then. So, you told me you had a sick dragon here?” Uma asked Evie, “and it’s clearly not Audrey,”

“My dragon, Mal, has been sick for a few days now,” Evie told the woman, returning to fretting over her best friend, “She’s really dull and tired, and even more cranky then usual,”

“Hm, that could be a number of things,” Uma pondered, heaving her black duffle up over one shoulder, “what breed is she?”

“An Isle Dragon. At least I think she is. I got the egg as a gift. Mom didn’t ever tell me where she got it from,”

“Well, let’s get to it then. I want out of here before Gil starts mimicking Audrey’s love songs,”

And so the trio left the foyer, heading upstairs into the large upper floor. Ben had made Mal her own special quarantine room. Audrey’s claw marks were all over the door’s painted exterior, showing where she’d been trying to get in earlier.

“I’ll have to talk to that girl,” Ben mumbled at reaching the door, ruffling his hair and groaning at the idea of having to fix the damage. Audrey wasn’t normally destructive, and Evie thought maybe she was coming down with something like Mal had. But Uma merely shook her head.

“It’s only natural,” she explained, opening the door and flicking on the light, “Audrey and Mal have probably already formed a family unit. It’s normal for one dragon to comfort another in times of pain or illness,”

“But Mal and Audrey quarrel constantly,” Evie complained, “they never get along,”

“Maybe so, but Dragons aren’t solitary in the wild. They build family units to survive. You did the right thing though, keeping Audrey out of here,” Uma admitted, kicking the door closed with a boot. Mal was laying in her basket, snoozing the day away unbothered by their entrance.

“I’m going to go call mom and dad,” Ben said to Evie quietly, “see if I can’t get someone down here to fix the door, and the bushes. You’ll be ok here with Uma?”

“Yeah. Love you,”

Sharing a quick kiss on the lips , Ben gave a half wave to Uma before skirting back out the door and vanishing.

“You two are good together,” Uma commented a little while later, removing a stethoscope from her bag and slinging it around her neck, “I was surprised when Ben said he was getting married,”

“Oh?”

Sinking down onto a low stool, Evie watched as Uma very carefully checked Mal’s heartbeat, “why do you say that?”

Uma switched the stethoscope for an ear tool as she began checking Mal’s ear holes.

“I dunno; it just never seemed like he could find the right fit. Hell, even we tried it out once,” Uma admitted with a laugh. This caused Evie’s stomach to drop like a rock. She didn’t mean for the green eye’d monster to make an appearance, but she couldn’t help it. After all, it had only been a few months, and she was nothing like Uma.

“Uh...why didn’t it work out? You and Ben?”

“Ah, we aren’t anything alike, really,” Uma said, satisfied with Mal’s ears and digging around in her bag for a moment, “I was always gone, you know? And of course Ben has his parents business to worry about. He needed someone who could keep up with him. Ah,” finding what she was looking for, Uma removed a small ‘T’ shaped device from the bag, “let’s just take the temperature,”

With a beep, Uma looked at the little digital screen and nodded. She put her tools away, removing a stuffed toy from inside her bag and tucking it under one of Mal’s fat arms.

“You, Evie, seem like just the right type for him,” Uma insisted with a sharp nod, rising from her place on the floor and wiping her hands on her jeans, “as for Mal, I suspect a cold is to blame for this. Where does she normally sleep?”

“Uh, up in the rafters above my bed. She used to sleep next to me, but I share a bed with Ben now. Audrey usually sleeps on her perch,”

“Ah. I suggest maybe installing a heat lamp up there, or building a nesting box. I think she’s getting to cold at night. Dragons are sensitive to that sort of thing,”

“I didn’t know,” Evie admitted, “thank you, Uma,”

“Anytime. I love Dragons, and Ben is still a great friend so I’ll help him out when I can. Anyway, Mal should be back to her normal self in a few days. Keep her warm and eating normally, and if anything changes, call me again and I’ll come back,”

“Can Audrey be allowed back in?” Evie asked, holding the door open for Uma to leave as the girl shook her head.

“No. Keep Mal in here and resting until she’s closer to her normal self. No need to risk Audrey catching whatever she has.”

“Ok. I can do that,” Evie nodded, following Uma back downstairs. Ben was standing in the yard out front, looking over the trampled rose bushes. Audrey and Gil were cuddled up within the broken branches, warm and content in a nest of prickly thorns and velvet petals.

“I think Gil might be more romantic then you, Ben,” Evie joked, looping her arm through her husbands as the man made an offended noise in his throat.

“So you want rose petals?” He asked, “I can do that,”

“Mhm, whatever you say,”

“So how’s Mal? Everything ok?”

“She’ll be just fine,” Uma restated, “Evie knows what needs to be done. As for you, Harry wants to get together at some point for a guys night.”

“Will do. I’ll call him and Jay when I have time,”

Bobbing her head in understanding, Uma gently prodded Gil with a toe through the nest, causing him to lift his head groggily.

“Alright, big fella. Kiss your girlfriend goodbye, we need to get going,”

Gil gave a sad little moan and Uma shook her head, “no complaints. I’m the captain here. Now kisses, and let’s go,”

Evie couldn’t help her little ‘awe’ as Gil reluctantly gave Audrey a little cheek nudge before standing and romping out of the bushes unhappily. Ben picked his own dragon up from the thorns, cradling her like a baby as she wailed dramatically.

“Do you cry like that every time I leave the house?” Evie asked as Uma hauled Gil into her Jeep, leaving poor Audrey heartbroken and hanging limply off Ben’s arm.

“No,” Ben insisted, using his free hand to grasp Evie’s as he gave it a squeeze, “I’m even worse.”

—

A/N: So...this is officially an AU! I’m calling it the Love Like Dragons AU. Basically Auradon is just a normal city (no prince and princesses, no pirates, ect.). Ben is the heir to his wealthy parents business rather then being a King. And the only ‘magical’ thing in Auradon is the dragons part of it. If you have any questions or suggestions for the AU, ping me :3

[elegant-etienne]

22 for the Spotify meme.

SPOTIFY WRAPPED IS HERE! SEND ME A NUMBER 1-100 AND I’LL TELL YOU THE SONG IT CORRESPONDS WITH ON MY TOP 100 PLAYLIST

Mal Blum - Not My Job

"You know if I have to, I'll kill off my better self because it's not my job to make you well."

One of the biggest things I've learned in my many years on this earth is that if you're sensitive, empathetic, and patient with people... people are drawn to you like mosquitoes to type O blood. I'll say that over "vampires" because I think in general it's just sort of human nature, and I don't actually hold a lot of animosity to people who are struggling and want to be lifted up by others, especially when they've been consistently let down by the systems that should be supporting them.

Even people who are manipulative, selfish or cruel are only acting out learned behavior because they've never been taught healthy ones... or healthy ones don't net the same instant gratification, and they're not in the right place to put that work in when they can push a button and get what they need from others immediately. Our brains are wired to want the easy, feel-good option and eschew the hard, brain-hurt option. Admitting we're wrong, or that we need to suck it up and do something even though we're anxious or sad because it's not going to fucking get done - it doesn't feel good to do it. It literally sets off the pain and stress parts of your brain. If you're already in a bad place because the world shits on you constantly for who you are, and your health is poor, and you're scared about how you're going to pay your next bills... like, who has space in their life to work on themselves? Mental hygiene is a fucking privilege as much as it is a struggle to work on. I'm sympathetic, honestly, to those types of dynamics.

And I'm exhausted, like, constantly, by that sympathy. I'm so sympathetic that it makes me wanna barf! I don't want to feel like I'm leaving people behind when our whole fucking world leaves people behind, but, on the other hand...

I think there's a certain kind of dysfunction in spaces that attract depressed, queer, socially awkward people, and it's difficult to talk about because it almost feels like healthiness and self-motivation are a sort of betrayal to it. Like, how dare you call us dysfunctional when the world makes no space for us. There are certain friendships and relationships that thrive only when everyone is suffering and in a bad place, and people for whom strong relationship expectations and boundaries are a threat. There are people who have been bullied their whole lives who want nothing more than to become bullies themselves, and ... it's heartbreaking. I don't know how to get through to that. I can't fix it.

Ultimately, I cut and run from things I see a lot of people miserably enduring - horrible relatives, abuse, toxic friendships and dynamics, microaggressions, and I feel lonely a lot, but at least I'm not being treated like crap in addition to it. I'm not proud of it, and sometimes it makes me feel like an asshole. But I've come around to embracing the despair of it all (lol, dramatic), because I realized that my energy is finite. I'm damaged, but I realized a long time ago that it's my own burden, and I would feel condescended to if someone thought they could fix me. On that same note, why should I condescend to others by assuming the reason someone is the way they are is because they haven't met me yet? It's arrogant, it's out of my range, and it won't help me, so it's okay for me to admit it's not my job to sacrifice myself for someone else's sake.

So yeah. Been thinking about that a lot this last year. Lost some friendships, I think, and since I graduated college I also was having a big long think about the situation I was in that caused me to drop out in the first place.

Eti shares a lot of my personality traits with the tendency to self-martyr, so there's that relevant connection I suppose.

Mal is nonbinary so that's cool too.

Thank you for the ask, @valdiis!

[astrodrawsturtles]

Meet the Main Cast of TMNT: New World Mutants!

I received these very kind asks about my version of TMNT, and i’m finally getting around to answering them! @sirwolficus-art​ @dianounais​

So! Mutations and meetings first!

When Splinter met the boys, they were human kids living on the streets of NYC as a group, scavenging for food and making trouble. He had an instant soft spot for them but knew he couldn’t properly house them. Instead, he kept an sharp eye on them and bought them fresh food whenever he could.

One day, Splinter came across the boys in the middle of a street fight with a group of older kids. They weren’t faring particularly well, so Splinter stepped in and scared off the bullies, ushering them into a nearby pet shop to talk to them. While there, they took interest in the baby turtles and played with them for a while. Mikey explained to Splinter that they were fighting over food. Splinter offered to take them out for a proper meal when the chaos calmed down outside, something they happily took him up on.  

Unfortunately, on their way to a diner, they were approached by a threatening stranger carrying a couple canisters of glowing green chemical. They attacked, and though Splinter did his best to defend the boys (ultimately hurting the stranger enough to scare them off), at the last moment they managed to throw the ooze onto them. Boom, mutation!

Donatello!

Donatello is the eccentric of his brothers. He’s the embodiment of pure chaotic neutral and will blow up a Chili’s just to see what happens. (Think Rise Donnie without the ego) He’s an outspoken, highly opinionated drama queen, but has a quiet confidence about his actual intellect. More often he’ll show his family something he’s made with excitement rather than arrogance. His skills lie mainly in hacking, but he’s also a gifted engineer. He’s an absolute genius but a total dumb ass about everything else.

He LOVES science fiction and is 100% convinced aliens are real, and the thing that mutated them. None of his brothers belive him, but they tolerate his rambling conspiracy theories to various degrees.

Despite being the oldest of his brothers at 17, he is by far the least mature. He often focuses too much on his projects and doesn’t take anything else nearly as seriously. He swears like a sailor and the hardest for Splinter to get to train. He is a red eared slider.

Leonardo!

Like his father, Leonardo came up in a heavily traditional Japanese culture. He grew up learning ninjutsu from his birth parents (more on that in later posts ;)), and though he is now separated from them, he still values the culture. He takes his training very seriously, and though he can sometimes come off a stoic or emotionless, he is very much capable of being just as silly and fun loving as his brothers. He just has his own way of showing it. If you pay attention, he laughs the most at his brothers antics; it’s just quiet.

In fact, he is selectively mute thanks to his severe voice dysphoria. He is a trans boy and it’s the thing he struggles with the most; so he often just doesn’t speak. Instead, he signs to his family and used common mannerisms and gestures to communicate. He will only speak when he feels it totally necessary.

Despite being the youngest at 15, he’s always been the natural leader of his brothers; even before meeting splinter and becoming mutated. He just naturally falls into the role, and his brothers don’t object. He is a red eared slider.

Raphael!

Raph, along with Mikey (his bio twin) is 16. He loves to scrap and fight and be strong, and often underestimates his physical strength in training. But it’s never mal intended, he just shows affection with his actions rather than words and the language he speaks best is physical. He aims to be strong enough to give the BEST hugs.

He has his fair share of hissy fits, though, due to some unresolved sensitivity that can turn into anger if left unchecked. He doesn’t get angry often, but when he does he REALLY gets angry. Sometimes to the point of intentional malicious harm towards his brothers until he’s able to calm down. His biggest fear is seriously or permanently hurting his family, so he does his best to quell his anger.

He loves to cook, especially pizza (he takes a lot of pride in his homemade pizza dough, something he’s perfected for many years) and his favorite thing is to make food for his family. He is a box turtle.

Michelangelo!

Mikey is also 16, but despite his young age he is the most emotionally mature of his brothers. He’s very chill, down for whatever. He’s great at reading others and will find a way to make friends with anyone. He jokes around a lot, but he know the exact way to listen to, console and then cheer up every member of his family.

He’s highly sociable and loves to go out in the daylight and explore NYC whenever he can. He’ll often drag one or all of his bros with him. He is a literal ray of sunshine, and is immediately friends with everyone he meets. Unless he gets Bad Vibes™ from someone. If Mikey doesn’t like someone, it’s a definite sign they’re bad news bears.

He loves to yoyo, and spends almost as much time on the hobby as he does on his art. He is a box turtle.

Master Splinter!

Splinter is a patient, soft and caring father. He loves his sons to the ends of the earth and would do anything to protect them. Perhaps a tad over protective at times, but a loving father above all else. That is, except for in the dojo. He takes his teaching very seriously, and while he is still patient with the boys, he is very tough love when it comes to ninjutsu. He places a very high value on the culture he came from and expects his sons to honor it to the same level.

He is a very young father, currently only 36 and 28 when he was mutated (along with his sons). He’d always intended on adopting a kid or two when he was old enough to support them, but was very much thrown into fatherhood when they were all mutated. His Dad Instincts™ kicked into high gear, and there was no question in his mind that these were his kids now. He sometimes struggles with being a young father to four teens, but he wouldn’t trade his life now for anything.

Due to his rat mutation, he is severally color blind and now considered legally blind. His vision only got increasingly worse over the years, so he can no longer see what Leo is signing. Instead, one of the other turtles will speak for him or Leo will tap morose code to him if he wants to communicate. It’s tough, but they do their best.