#I like the same five foods

[murdleandmarot]

Not to have another moment, but a couple nights ago, I was on the verge of tears, because I hadn’t finished an assignment, and my teacher had given me an extension, and been so, so patient and understanding, allowing me to work alone, giving me advice, letting me adjust, and I just could not work on the project without her help, because everything now requires someone to hold my hand. Every action I complete has to be with someone by my side or I’ll completely fall to pieces like wet paper, and to what extent am I just taking advantage of my teachers, who are giving me so much leeway because of the medication I started, and how much of it is actually my fault? My inability to get over myself, my inability in general, my apathy, my need to make everything something more than it is, my self grandiose, and god, how much of it would be solved if I just got over myself?

i decided then that i need new bedsheets with flowers on them. then everything’s gonna be okay

[thebibliosphere]

Tw: restricted medical diet, missing hunger cues, death, general food and chronic illness stuff. (It's a good post tho)

Being able to eat cereal again has unlocked something actually feral in me. I'm so used to not being able to grab a quick little snack that won't have Medical Consequences later that I've pretty much gotten used to just... turning my hunger cues off and running at a deficit of calories.

It takes me literal hours to eat a bag of crisps because if I don't eke it out, my body will reject it. I can't have most fruits because my body will reject them. Raw vegetables will send me to the ER. All the foods I can eat require labor, either past or present, and when you're already running on a deficit of energy from chronic pain and constant hunger, well, that's easier said than done.

But being able to do something as simple as eating cornflakes, either with or without milk, and not have my body go into an anaphylactic meltdown is... This is game-changing.

When I say it has awoken something feral in me, I'm being literal. It's hunger. I'm feeling hunger, and for the first time in literal years, I'm able to sate it without having to burn up precious energy to do it.

And it's just so achingly normal that it feels like it shouldn't be a big deal. It feels ridiculous to feel tearful over a thing like cornflakes. But when I consider the fact that in 2019, I almost died from malnutrition because my nervous system was shutting down, and I couldn't eat anything because my MCAS was so advanced everything was sending me into anaphylaxis I, I just. Yeah.

Crying over cornflakes on a Monday night.

Just MCAS 'remission' things... ✌

[nexus-nebulae]

me as a kid: i have all these problems

every adult around me: you're not old enough to know what's wrong with you, you're fine

me as an adult: i still have all these problems

my doctors after i finally got the opportunity to choose them myself: oh my fucking god why have you never gotten help for all these problems. you should have seen me 10 years ago

[vaguely-concerned]

so was anyone going to tell me that tinned anchovy and some spices sizzled in olive oil makes the most delicious sauce you've ever tasted in your life or was I just going to have to have that semi-religious experience by myself

[punk-sharkz-zero]

i hope every person who makes fun of food allergies has a warm pillow on both sides and has wet socks forever and ever. I hope they have a paper cut and then get lemon juice on it.

[simptasia]

look at me, listen to me, trust me:

as somebody who is currently living through the worst trauma and depression of my life, i gotta tell you:

you cannot live on coffee

coffee cannot be your replacement for sleep or nutrients. it will become less effective over time and mess up your endocrine system (the system responsible for hormone and sleep regulation). your stress and anxiety will increase and you may put your heart and kidneys at risk. you also might shit yourself sometimes

this may all seem very obvious but its possible to be in the mindset where Living On Coffee makes sense to you

what i'm saying is coming from a place of experience. and love. you cannot live on energy replacements. no matter how tasty

eat veggies. drink water. sleep. you can do other things, you can indulge, i promise! just please, do basic self care too

[bitegore]

god that farmshare i did this summer was such a good financial decision. i saved SO MUCH MONEY on groceries.

[front-facing-pokemon]

[essektheylyss]

wearing a california bear baseball hat in arizona to assert my dominance

[ryuseitai]

i like this card a lot i mean tbh they could release literally any chiaki card and id go crazy But i like it a lot but its not checking anything off my chiaki checklist

[boyentity]

the way i would rather get electrocuted again than write this stupid essay

[hanzajesthanza]

milva and regis engaging in "sitcom episode where character A bet character B that they cant go a whole day without talking" type of plot

but the thing is it wouldnt work, because not five minutes into breakfast, the company's morning discussion would land on a conversational topic which could be vaguely shaped, with some contrivance, into some form of philosophical discourse... and regis, tortured by his inability to enter the conversation, would give the absolutely saddest little dark eyes that you've ever seen in a man, and slowly go "i renounce the bet" and immediately get back to talking with everyone else

[akkivee]

dohifu…………

[astral-catastrophe]

Shoutout to all the eldest daughters who had to basically raise their siblings. You’ve done the best you can, and I’m proud of you

[flippedorbit]

do you want me to fucking go off on you? do you truly fucking want that mother?

[motherhenna]

So now that my brain is functioning a bit more correctly, I'm no longer totally overwhelmed by discord and groupchats and am actually interested in shooting the shit with other people. I've gone full adhd recently as far as getting into a million conversations in youtube comments and joining the discords of a few smaller youtubers I enjoy. So I was curious if any of you guys would be interested in joining a little discord server if I opened one? It would probably be mostly shitposts, maybe some WIP artwork, as well as talking about mental illness and health & fitness. I'm having so much fun documenting all my recent progress, and I figure it might be fun to get to know some of you better, especially my long-time mutuals. (No minors allowed tho--I'm a grown ass adult so I have no desire to hang around with any teens who aren't directly related to me lmao)

obviously my IRL friends who follow me on here would be more than welcome to join too lol so if any of you would be down for something like this, like or comment below so I can gauge interest! Maybe you could give suggestions for possible channel topics or whatever