#I know there are people on this site from all time zones but still idk man

[whumpty-dumpty-doo]

Remember how I said I was gonna post the next entry today? Well uhhhh now it's late at night so idk if I should :') Maybe... tomorrow when more folks are awake?

[thatdogmagic]

The "NSFW = Easy Mode" Post

We all know this post. We all know this complaint. NSFW artists have faced it the entire time we've spent drawing.

Aside from being hugely denigrating towards a very legitimate craft, there are multiple fallacies involved in the argument.

Let's start off with the most obvious, the very real phenomena of getting visible traction on social media sites. Namely, to say that, LIKES/RTS DO NOT TRANSLATE TO FINANCIAL STABILITY. Working your ass off does. NSFW artists who make it their livelihood churn out an absurd amount of work to stay relevant, constantly have to work outside of comfort zones, and face steep competition.

Next, the argument presumes that all NSFW is created equal. It's not. For example: mlm, that is to say, men loving men, will earn you much more traction than wlw, women loving women, and mlm involving trans bodies will earn you much less traction than the cis standard. Additionally, your audience for any of those things is NEVER guaranteed.

It places porn an erotica on the same footing, which is also enormously wrongheaded. Porn has an almost singular focus on secondary sex characteristics, and will rush straight to the point at every given opportunity; erotica is holistic, and doesn't even really have to show genitalia in order to hit its mark, if it's written and framed correctly.

To be clear: both of these things take an enormous amount of skill. It is not something you just learn to do overnight. Good, illustrated porn requires an understanding of action, anatomy, perspective, and all sorts of other technical skills that are often beyond even very adept artists.

With erotica, technical prowess is less of a focus. It's more on character art, scene setting, and story (be it implied by imagery or written in). I don't need to explain the level of expertise this requires, not the least of which is being a good writer, which is fully beyond a lot of peoples' grasp. It's a whole different skill, and being good at erotica is tough for even industry professionals. Many are embarrassingly bad at it.

The other bullet points, I outlined in a Twitter rant, but here they are:

NSFW artists face logistical hurdles SFW artists don't. Namely: we don't know when the site we're posting on will ban NSFW content.

We can be randomly banned/shadowbanned from a site whose rules are not especially clear (Tumblr), and whose filters are garbage. We can also have our work deboosted and effectively removed from circulation because we didn't label a nipple appropriately (Tumblr still thinks a female-presenting nipple is 100% sexual).

We can have our funding cut at random, for seemingly arbitrary reasons.

We face a host of degrading comments and overfamiliar clients.

NSFW artists working commissions have to take on work they're not personally very interested in. This takes way more work and fortitude than anyone is willing to admit. If you're commissioned for a fetish you don't like, you still have to make it look hot for the person who commissioned you. If you don't think that takes extra effort, IDK what to tell you.

We are constantly subjected to arrogant shitbags saying they can just jump in and make bank, because Site Number Went Up that one time.

Bottom line is the 'I should just do furry porn I guess' joke is not a joke. It's not funny. It's just you showing your ass, and insulting your friends/colleagues, who do very hard work for very little reward.

[goldkirk]

Places I’ve successfully used my rollator so far

• some of the sidewalks, not all, and they’re usually not equal quality on both sides of the street if sidewalks even exist on a street at all

• Target (except the numbers inside the elevator don’t at all match the numbers of the floors in the shopping center? They’re off by like 3 in any direction? So that went wrong the first couple of times, and it wasn’t just me who hit the wrong floor lol). I was able to get everywhere but some areas were tight maneuvering and I caught my wheels on edges. Idk how people get through those spots on the borrow-able scooters that are wide and long

• QFC. No notes. Zero issues using the rollator there or in its parking lot. Thanks QFC

• the construction zone detour, which led through some spots with no curb cuts and also narrowed sidewalks in places due to fencing and equipment

• Barnes and Noble, which was fully accessible and had a surprisingly huge elevator (I assume for loading book carts and pallets from the shipment-receiving basement level or something)

• the creek walk outside the retirement community that’s wide and fully paved with even smooth concrete. Delightful except for that one guy who stared directly in my eyes for the whole seven seconds I walked into and out of his view from his living room (I assume?) window while I kept checking to see if he was in fact still staring me down. Like what do you think I’m doing that requires you to watch without even a break. Do you think I’m gonna rob you or something just because I’m doing something weird for my age dude

• the intersection by my apartment building. yeesh. Those crosswalks are bad on foot so it was an extra-rattle-y ride with the rollator (but less work thab crossing without it!)

Places I need to try using it still

• the Light Rail, I just am waiting till I need to use it to run an errand next

• the bus system, I already need to run an errand via it but I cannot for the life of me find an answer to what you’re supposed to do if you’re not specifically in a wheelchair but you’re using a wheeled device that’s bigger than a tiny wire mesh rolling shopping bin. So at this point I’m just hoping and praying for a minimally full bus when I do go and a bus driver who can tell me if I need to strap it in or fold it or just hold it or what. Like it’s not a wheelchair or a baby stroller. What are the rules. What is the expectation. I have searched websites and YouTube and Reddit and tumblr and I still haven’t found an answer 🥴.

• Eliott Bay Book Company. This place has internet sites saying it’s wheelchair accessible. I’m confused. I haven’t seen an elevator in it and there’s steps to get in and steps to get up to the second floor and the aisles seemed like some of the corners might be hard, and impossible when it’s crowded. I have doubts. I’d love to find a secret elevator or something but I can’t find the information anywhere on their actual website or Yelp or whatever, it just says “accessible” sooo?

• Parks. I need to figure out which parks are passable with a rollator and which trails or paths are too narrow for it.

• the library. I know it’s accessible already, so it should be simpler than many places. they’re still dealing with that ransomware attack though so I’m not using them frequently aside from though Libby rn

• Pike Place Market. Internet says it’s accessible. my personal experience says I’m willing to be surprised and I’ll be happy if I do see full accessibility. But also that I’ve had a hard time navigating that place when it’s not like, empty, just on two feet soooooo. I’m guessing it’s going to be very hit or miss despite there being some elevators just because of tight areas and weird floor changes and stuff. I do hope I’m pleasantly shocked though when I go!

• the craft store. any craft store. I need yarn and I haven’t been able to make my mind up about it so I need to just go in a store and physically experience the yarn skeins and choose. I don’t expect to have issues there but it might be an adventure in terms of bussing and walking over lol, we’ll see

[bcbdrums]

🍓🕯️🔪

"🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?"

well. one day in 2004 when visiting my cousin in the hospital after her car accident. i missed an episode of Bonanza, due to...you know, being at the hospital. this was back in ye olden days of TV guides, recording things on VCR's, and....no....wikis.... not like we have now. no sites to tell you everything, no screencaps, no youtube... and ye olde dial-up internet days. and anyway.... the TV guide descrip made that episode sound thrilling. and...and i just had to know!

and i knew... i remember, knowing in my heart. that if i went online and tried to find out what happened. i'd never get off the computer again. well, i was right. the short conclusion to this tale is i found specific Bonanza fansites loaded with fanfiction!!! and i devoured it. i wanna say within the same month? i was hand-writing fanfic in spiral notebooks for Bonanza. still have that spiral notebook and that unfinished fic, literally locked in a treasure chest. and i still remember the entire plot, what i planned to do with it... yeah.

no, i never did find out what was in that episode i missed/didn't get to record... like i said, no wikis or anything of that nature... (we had to leave from school that day so i didn't get to go home and program the VCR; i'd not known that morning we'd be going to the hospital later.) and they didn't re-run the episode again... so i've still not seen it... but, i started writing fanfic that summer. a defining moment in my life. and yes, my cousin is well!

"🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?"

ohhh, hmmm... idk if i could scale it. maybe right in the middle, a 5 or 6? this will make more sense if i describe my process perhaps.

so if i'm really in the writing zone, i just...plow ahead until i'm finished. and then i go back and edit. when i'm "in the zone" oftentimes i don't see things that could genuinely be improved by better phrasing, better language choices... they just elude me cuz i'm so hyperfixated on the story and it's so clear in my head, so, of course it's great on the page! (example: Forfeit was written this way.) usually i then just quickly fix obvious typos/grammar things and toss the fic into the void. then i'll return a few months later when it's no longer fresh, and then see soooo many things that could be better, and depending on my mood i'll go back and heavily edit, or, i won't.

the other process... if i'm not "in the zone" usually i write a few lines, get stuck, and to get myself unstuck i go back and edit what i've done. fixing things, adding things... and usually once those few lines are edited i have the next ones ready to be written in my head. it's a slower process overall.

editing for other people is a whole different ball game. i love doing that (as long as i'm in the mood/have the energy/time) because it helps me refine my writing craft too, in trying to assist someone with a totally different style than mine. it's great. and i've edited/beta-read for so many diff people now with such a variety of styles it's really making me more aware of my own, and how it's changed over the years. and i also just enjoy helping people.

the idea of something getting better just appeals to me i guess. it's a good feeling, it's productive. so in that sense, i enjoy editing. if i feel really stuck on a project, then it can become just another slow-down however. that would be the only negative i suppose.

"🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?"

haha, already answered this in a prior ask but i'll choose a different one.

i spent days learning how to waltz properly. all the techniques, and the process by which one learns... to write one character teaching another character, very, very methodically. and apparently i did it well, i received a comment about it from someone who actually waltzes professionally if i remember correctly who was very pleased with my writing of it! can i waltz? or dance at all? no, no i cannot. but i could probably talk someone else through how to learn!

thank you SO much for the ask!!! ^_^

[imwritesometimes]

What do you mean, it's an Indy line?! 🤩 (you know I love that blorbo too, I forever will, but don’t answer this if you don’t want to of course!)

my Indy nerd ass opening this ask like

Put most of it under a cut cause, well, it got stupid long and if no one actually reads this I won't blame them lol - My blog tittle is 'fortune & glory' which is a line from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. I think it's maybe one of my favorite lines in the series because it, to me, displays how Indy wants to be seen, and shows the growth he goes through.

I think a lot of people forget/don't know that Temple of Doom is actually a prequel to Raiders. So when they watch it they go, "Oh wow this scoundrel never learned a thing opening God's Most Special Box and watching all those Nazi faces melt and he just left Marion again! What a cad!" But that's not true at all cause, in terms of story time-line, none of that has happened to him yet! So when Temple of Doom starts he is a brash, cocky, over-confident man.

He tells Short-Round at one point early in the film that everything they're doing, everything he's about, is for 'fortune & glory'. I think even his relationship with Short-Round early on is a great plot device demonstrating how much he changes as a result of the things that happen in the film. At first he seems kinda nonchalant, 'idk I picked this kid up, it's whatever, he's sorta useful' to literally risking his life to save him because he realizes they are important to one another.

But that's very much how he wants to be perceived. A swashbuckling, bravado machine, unburdened by the frivolity of emotional baggage. Which becomes even more poignant when we learn that his Mom left him at an early age and his Dad was largely uninterested in having a child. You could also argue that he is in search of his 'fortune & glory' to get the attention of his Dad.

But, by the end of the film, after he's gone through unimaginable horrors, he is changed. He has learned that there is far more to life, and to the field in which he has decided to dedicate his life, than his precious 'fortune & glory', and ultimately becomes a better person and I think establishes more of the growth we see from Indy in the other films. We still see him put on his mask of 'fortune & glory' but ultimately we know more and more that it's a mask and one he isn't so good at hiding behind anymore.

I feel like they did a very good job carrying that narrative through all the films, even DoD, which sees Indy again shifting into the swashbuckling, bravado machine but we know he is processing the loss of his son and ultimately still Loves Marion deeply and it hurts him to be separated from her.

just to add: There are, of course, criticisms to made about Temple of Doom, both culturally and thematically. A lot of people are put off by how 'dark' the subject matter is, and it ultimately did help usher in the PG-13 rating. I would not ever try to defend some the cultural aspects of the film, but thematically it's also interesting to know Spielberg went into making ToD after an accident on the set of Twilight Zone killed two people, including a child. (I have not listed their names here as I do not wish to have this come up if people serarch for them on this site as it would be disrespectful imo because this post in general is not about them) The themes we see in ToD about children being endangered and then, ultimately rescued, becomes a little clearer I think when viewed through that lens.

[arklayraven]

Hey. So I think I figured out my people think nightbringer is coming out in April. That’s what the App Store says

I assume that comes from the devs telling the App Store but idk

Yeah, that's where some people been getting it. Though if you check the app store from google, it just says coming soon instead.

I don't know how the ios app store works, if they need to have a expected day set when publishing a app there. But the fact google app store doesn't even have one, just been making me question things lots.

Which is why I'm just gonna wait for OM! official twitters and sites to give us a release date themselves. Than believe what the app store says.

Especially since they changed the date a few times now there...Like first it was releasing on September. Then April 14. Now April 13...Which is now 16 days away(or 15 if you're a day ahead because time zones and all)...yet we have yet to get any heads up on the game coming out soon from OM! official.

I mean I would of expected them to give us a release date by now if it was indeed coming out next month. Most especially with the recent drop of trailers and all...Yet they just keep saying "releasing in 2023" on their site. lol

Perhaps, tomorrow could be the day we see some update finally on a release date. 15 days count down sounds plausible, or 10 days count down...Or it could just be releasing in the fall like it first stated it was gonna be released. We honestly may never know truly until OM! official finally tells us.

As well I still expect them to do some huge release date count down event when the game is finally coming out. But will give a huge heads up before that happens, gotta hype up the fandom more after all. lol

(Also that pre-register campaign thing going on really says a lot to me. On how much time we have until the game releases? If we were tight on time to clear up all the goals, I'm sure they would of told us by now or from the start. Like they usually do with such campaigns they throw for the OM! game.)

[bawwsadface]

hello

incoming a long, rambling, wistful and romantic post

what is up my party people. it has been years. i may have a handful of reposts on here from 2018 and 2020, but this zone has not been in regular use for me since early 2017. so it's interesting to come back.

i didn't come here because twitter is dying, i'm still on there. in fact i also made a cohost, and regrettably i'm the most active on instagram these days of all things (mostly cuz of the stories feature) but i digress. twitter dying has made me reminisce about days when websites still existed and the internet could be fun instead of just algorithmically served slurry slopped onto the plate of 2 apps.

coming back here and looking at the blogs i still follow, seeing how many years i've been mutuals with people i'm just Real Life Regular Person Friends with now, has been a trip for sure. my tenure on this website is actually a lot shorter than it feels like in my mind. i registered in january of 2012 and was regularly active until summer of 2017. that's not nothing, but also it feels like 3 decades worth of living happened on this site in those 5 short years. i met so many of my closest friends here. almost all the social circles i have found and/or still find myself in either started or overlapped here in some way. i met my first partner on tumblr. i did a lot of Existing on this website in my early 20s. i even used to have a podcast on here man lol.

but oh how the times did change. by 2017 i was comfortably discovering who i was as a person, and going out and living all kinds of wild adult fantasies my dorky teenage self could only have dreamed of. tumblr had become a place i reported back to after doing things irl, and was no longer the destination for discovery it had once been. in 2018 i had the most active and busy year of my life. i also finally finished college. i'm not gonna act like i had everything figured out then, i didn't. but i was comfortable in my skin by that point, something i started off this journey decidedly not being.

and yeah if you're close to me you probably know that time for thombo after 2018 was difficult. and then you know, covid etc. i live in chicago now tho so that's a plus from that time period of my life lol.

so now the tides are shifting again. i'm trying to take better care of myself. the internet has become such a wasteland and is absolutely no fun to use anymore. most of the people who are still on tumblr or are getting back into it like me are around my age group it seems. i'm turning 30 next year. life is draining and i just want a space online where i can write and look at good jpegs again. and it seems like i'm not alone in that desire.

idk who's still following or what's going to come of my presence on here as time rolls on. but for all those whose lives have touched my own through being here, thank you for everything. i miss so many of you.

anyway here's a pic of me and @halo--hall from a few weeks ago 🖤

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Im about to watch RWBY Volume 9 because I need some background noise while I translate a german version of Jesus Christ Superstar and then I remembered that I watched that RWBY DC crossover a few days ago as background noise while I made my lyric videos and then I wanted to make a post about my thoughts but then I just. never did. So I might as well do it now

Before that though, I feel the need to explain myself and my lyric-video-translation process. Basically, what I do is I pick my song that Id like to translate from german to english and then I make what is essentially a normal lyric video, which involves a lot of me listening to the song a bunch of times so I can make sure everything is properly synched up, in this particular case I actually had to listen to the entirety of the song in order to make sure it was actually synched because something went horribly wrong with my editing app and I couldnt figure out how to fix it. And then once Im done with my lyric video I can just kinda turn the audio off and add my english translation without worrying about anything because Ive already synched everything up properly. When I do musical soundtracks like this I usually synch up all the lyrics for all the songs first before getting to the actual translation process, which means theres a long period of time where Im just kinda listening to the same part over and over, except worse and it took me even longer this time because again, something went wrong and I had to listen to the songs from the beginning, otherwise it just inexplicably wouldnt synch up, and because I have a low attention span Im usually watching youtube videos or movies Ive already seen at this point

Now, I was still in the lyric video stage when I watched this movie (I was doing Pilate and Christ if youre curious) so picture this: im sitting in front of my computer, I have this RWBY DC crossover open in some piracy site bc I was looking for A Movie and this one came out recently so it was on the front page, I have my tablet with the lyric video Im about to make in front of me, Im wearing headphones, one of them isnt actually on my ear because I need to be able to hear both the song and the movie at the same time, Im playing the song over and over again as I watch the movie, slowly zoning out entirely the further I get into it because thats just kinda what happens when youre forced to listen to the same first two minutes of a song even when you do have some background noise to break up the monotony a little

The reason Im giving you that long winded explanation of the boring shit I do for fun is because I want to stress to you that I was practically physically incapable of properly paying attention to anything. So you would think that I would also be incapable of finding shit to criticize or complain about, after all, I barely managed to watch the movie

And you would be very wrong. Im gonna be honest I just wrote that long intro to whatever this is in like 20 minutes and Ive already run out of steam so please enjoy this bullet point list of mostly shit I didnt like about this crossover, as someone who doesnt know anything about DC and also didnt pay a lot of attention just in general

The Justice Leagues semblances were so bad you can tell they just kinda took their existing superpowers, barely if at all modified them and went "yep, those are semblences alright" and as a result Superman, Wonderwoman and Green Lantern all basically have the same semblance, which inexplicably consists of multiple unrelated abilities and also Vixen's semblance seems pretty similar to theirs as well

The dialogue was so awkward man, I know some stan is gonna try and defend it by being like "well none of these people know each other ofc theyre gonna be awkward" guess what, i dont care if you can like stuff about this show for no reason I can dislike stuff about this show for no reason

That weird love triangle between Nora, Ren and Cyborg was so weird and unnecessary and idk why it was there

'Weird, unecessary and idk why it was there' is honestly a great way to describe this whole movie, I dont get why they did this Isekai thing with the Justice League I feel like this wouldve been better if they were already just characters in RWBY's world but I guess then neither continuity would be able to really consider it canon which would be bad I guess??? Idk i think this crossover thing was a bad idea tbh and they shouldve made it more of a cross-promotional thing where its like "lookat the RWBYfied versions of these DC characters!!" "oooooo look at the DCified versions of these RWBY characters!!" for one movie each if you know what I mean

Speaking of pointless romance, I saw some people say that they didnt like the weird romantic subplot between Bruce and Weiss but honestly, I didnt even see one there they had less romantic sparks flying between them than Bumbleby and thats saying a lot, not that I was paying too much attention

Ive seen some DC fans say that Bruce's thing about him maybe not wanting to leave Remnant because hes got powers there was really out of character and idk anything about that, I just know that that whole thing was pointless and barely set up and didnt mean anything at all for anyone

Ruby's arc about learning to be a better team leader is something that she shouldve had in like volume 4 max this is too late into the show for the Main Character whos been leading A Team since basically day one to learn how to do it, then again its not like shes gotten any meaningful screentime in the past 9 years so maybe that justifies it

Killgore or Killg%re or whatever was just cringe

When Killgore was explaining his plan and how he was working with someone and then it turned out that he was actually trapped in this VR world by that someone, I thought, oh its probably Salem given that shes yknow, the main villain. I mean, it doesnt really make sense why she would do all this shit but its not like her motivations and actions have ever been consistent right. And then he was like "he" and I went, its fucking Ironwood?? Are you joking?? Like, yeah, I'll give them a smidge of credit here, that does make more sense but I hate how these guys' weird desire to demonize Some Guy gets in the way of even attempting to make The Actual Main Villain even remotely threatening. Someone tell MKEK that sidelining a female character in favor of a male character isnt suddenly less sexist because shes Satan Herself but they wanna villanize the "shitty white guy" instead

The action scenes were decent enough, obviously nowhere near the level of Volume 1-3s fightscenes but Ive definitely seen worse from RWBY at this point

I guess the mystery aspect was fine too I was atleast kinda intrigued

And to end this whole thing on a somewhat positive note, heres some stuff I actually kinda liked:

While the isekai thing honestly doesnt seem like a good idea, it was still kinda fun watching people from a setting more similar to our world interact with Remnant and try to blend in even though they had no idea what was going on

I kinda liked Barry, he was pretty fun

I really liked Jessica, her finding that ring and saying that rhyming incantation actually gave me goosebumps, her VA was really good. I just wish she didnt spend all her screentime with Jaune and also I wish Jaune died already

I liked that they were wearing their Beacon Era outfits for most of it so I didnt have to endure their absolutely horrendous Atlas outfits although I am about to watch Volume 9 and they dont get an outfit change from what Ive seen so. You cant run from your problems forever I guess

Thats about it, but to bring this thing full circle Id like to once again elaborate on my lyric video translation stuff. Right now Im fully done with the lyric videos and all I gotta do is add in the english translations which I can do without needing to listen to the music, which means I can actually listen to the dialogue at the very least even if Im not properly looking at the screen. I was originally gonna do the same thing with Volume 9 as the crossover movie which is to say, blast music while watching and fully zoning out half the time but I figured the actual volume deserves a little more respect than that. I mean, thats still not a lot but RT isnt getting any more than this from me

[spicycoffeebean]

If you don't want to answer that's COMPLETELY fine and you can ignore this entirely, but if your comfort zone permits: I happened across your tag and am. curious how someone could use reddit to try and get someone to detransition. Like, do you mean she made a post about it to get people agreeing with her or??

Hi Anon! I'll be honest and say I'm glad somebody took notice enough to actually ask. Because I still refuse to believe it happened.

No! She did not make a Reddit post. She just sent me several posts from r/detrans to get me to detransition.

More below the cut! Idk how long this will be, but cw for transphobia and all around shitty/questionable behavior

For those who don't know (I can't track down the post, but I commented in tags) my own mother (60) has been very actively against my transition (ftm) since I began taking testosterone in November 2021(I have been openly trans and using he/him prns since 2018, so it's not like any of this was "new" information to her) On top of blatant misinformation, my mom tried to source REDDIT, the detransitioner's subreddit to prove that yes, people do detransition. Never once denied her that. My issue here is that no, she did not make a post, she was ~browsing~ the detransitioner subreddit r/detrans to push me to detransition. She was "sourcing" it (I wanna say she said in the same conversation that she doesn't trust sites that have LGBTQ+ flags despite the statistics being very real and very present. I'm an analytics/statistics student.)

I have a million issues with this, but very simply, she is using people's struggles and real trauma to fuel a transphobic agenda to get me to detransition (I was so much happier when I chose to be openly trans let alone when I actually started T last year.) If you actually read the subreddit, 99% of those stories are OP saying "Transitioning did not work for me" but not once do they denounce transitioning. They make it clear that their experiences with it did not work out.

“I talk to detransitioners all of the time” she said “Why don’t you talk to a real trans person?” I asked her “Because I know their story.” is what she said word for word Bitch I’m trans and I don’t know trans people’s stories. I just am trans?? I made it super easy for her. Talk to a doctor or a real trans person. She makes any excuse to NOT DO THIS. A cisgender doctor in California will tell you that you are out right wrong and doing more harm than any good you might see from it.

Less than 1% of people detransition, and the majority of those who detransition ARE STILL UNHAPPY. Even then a handful of people detransition because of society, family, or something simple as healthcare. People are denied healthcare because doctors don't want to provide basic care to a transgender person. (I live in the US where this practice would be illegal) My mother acts like I myself deny that people detransition while she literally won't acknowledge WHY people detransition at all. LGBT clinics are apparently shutting down in the UK, Norway, Sweden etc. Yeah cool cisgender people are losing healthcare too. But apparently that doesn't matter. My brother's(cis) bisexual and he could be denied care if he lived in such a place. I don't think she'd take kindly to that, knowing she was the most supportive when my brother came out well over 10 years ago.

I do not want my story or trauma to be used as fuel for a fire to hurt somebody else. I doubt any of these detransitioners would be happy knowing this either. Their stories are not for my mother to tell

anyway she sends me to college(to study analytics/statistics lol??) and insists I'm brainwashed and need an autism diagnosis(YES, SHE ASKED ME 3 TIMES TO GET ONE. NO I JUST HAVE ADHD. I ASKED DOCTORS FOR 5 YEARS ABT IT LOL)

She's just in denial she spent 1 million usd and 2 years of paperwork on a China doll because "[She] didn't want to try for another son" I was told this my entire childhood and it's haunting me almost every day now.

That's the super dumbed-down version of that Reddit comment. Let alone EVERYTHING ELSE she put me through the last 14 months.

TLDR; She did not make a post to get people to agree with her, she was just taking people's stories and struggles to fuel a hate agenda detransitioners themselves do not agree with (she cannot read.)

[neilujen]

jealousy, jealousy?

what are you gonna do if your own brother is at the top of the list of people who envies you?

i’m saving up to go to japan as i will watch my favorite artist and also go to the country that is on my bucket list. two birds in one stone eh? already secured my concert &plane tix, and hotel. visa is the last thing i have to secure so i could finally be at ease about my travel. last friday, before going on a local trip at my favorite place in the country, i planned on applying for a visa, but i wasn’t able to come until their cutoff time, it was 1 hour earlier than what’s on their site. anyway i took my time to breathe as i was pissed and i don’t want that to ruin my trip. i know that a trip with my bestfriend will always be a good one, no matter how many shitty stuff occurs, we can turn the table around, so i thought of focusing in the trip first instead, eat dinner then meet up at the bus station.

while i was at the place i love, a specific spot in the city where it feels home for someone like me, where there’s beauty in chaos, i received a message from my younger brother. he told me what our older brother said about me not being able to submit my files… he said ‘what do you call that? deserve??’ and my younger brother just cursed him, idk if jokingly tho but maybe.

i always felt it in my bones tho. that he wasn’t happy about the things i am able to do. things i can do with my money. it’s not my fault that i earn more than him. idgaf on stepping out of my comfort zone, give 6 hours of my life for travel time, 2x a week in office work, as long as i am paid well and be able to live comfortably. am i at fault for still having money after giving my share at our house? dude if u want to do what i am capable of then maybe step up your game. he always thinks that it is unfair that all of his money goes to house expenses, but he’s building a motorcycle without hearing any word from me. i totally don’t care since that’s his money, he can do whatever he wants. but i couldn’t understand why is he so envious??? is he going to be satisfied if i pour all of my money at home? i stopped pushing him to work in tech (which is his degree) as he doesn’t like working outside of his comfort zone. if he has always been in tech, he would’ve been earning my more than me.

i always try and comprehend what’s wrong with me or if my actions affect others negatively. but idk what’s up with my brother. it actually hurts to know that he said that. i always tell people how responsible he is as an older brother, and always care about us and yet…. :( i really don’t know. i guess i was wrong… i’m still pretending that i didn’t know he said that. also jokes on him, why would he tell that to our younger bro when he knows that my lil pooper would tell me. or did he think he wouldn’t?

anw, it’s disappointing. i knew it, when he saw my bank account, he kept asking me to treat them, or to buy stuff for the pets etc. that was 18k and was swept just as he wanted. i am really fucking confused as hell. why would you act like that to your own blood? because i’m second born? i’m not even asking mom for anything when she goes abroad, my mom’s plan was to buy me a house but i told her to give it to the older instead since he’s spending so much for us and he might not be able to save for his own since he ain’t into taking risks, can’t even try to work in tech.

after japan, i’ll save money so i could purchase my own home or start whatever ,without them knowing and take my pets, and lil pooper if he wants to. because of course, mom is on his side, as always. first born complex perhaps?

i guess we will never resolve this money issue just because i earn much more than them. and they just simply hate me. fuck it.

[sarah-sandwich-writes]

Idk if you're subscribed to their emails but below is what they sent out on March 1st to announce the changes they're putting in place because of everything that happened. It's not perfect but it does look like they're taking responsibility and putting in a solid effort to turn things around, which is good and important and I feel should be encouraged. I don't know that I'll be donating to them anytime soon, but I do plan to do camp nano and will keep using the website to track projects.

Dear NaNoWriMo Community,

I write to you today with a warm hello from HQ and no small measure of excitement to finally announce changes we’ve been planning for weeks. We listened to a lot of feedback in November—some of it was hard to hear, but taking action to improve the organization was necessary. Since then, we’ve paused some of our standard operations in order to think through how to move forward, holding our mission in mind and community safety as priority number one.

NaNoWriMo’s charge is to “provide the structure, community, and encouragement to help people use their voices, achieve creative goals, and build new worlds—on and off the page.” We will be better-positioned to deliver this with wiser policies and stronger practices in place. To name a few:

We Will Stop Hosting Open, All-Ages Social Spaces

Site users aged 13-18 will be able to maintain accounts and use productivity and tracking features on our web app, but they will no longer be able to access our forums. Users under 18 will also be prevented from displaying their locations and writing session information, and from participating in regional spaces. Though younger members will be able to connect as Buddies with users they already know, our policy of hosting and moderating all-ages spaces will retire.

Forums Will Reopen with a Small Group Focus

We simply don’t have the capacity to provide effective, global, 24/7, multilingual moderation on an all-community "mega-forum". This is something that we may consider for the future, but is unrealistic for 2024. However, will gradually reopen regional forums and follow by opening affinity group forums and other smaller spaces. This model will allow us to continue providing social spaces while ensuring a greater degree of manageability.

Regional forums will be moderated by Municipal Liaisons (whose 2024 onboarding process includes moderator training). It makes sense to us that the folks who know people in their region, who speak the language of their region, and who are local to the time zone of their region should moderate these spaces. It also solves the problem of our moderator team being out-of-sync with certain regions and out of their depth to moderate them.

Other limited forums will be volunteer-moderated by folks who hold affinity to those groups. Reopening affinity groups is a priority. Anyone who is part of a group they believe should be formed as an official affinity group (whether or not it has been in the past) is welcome to suggest it.

All-community forums will still exist, but they will be used on a limited basis. Community members will not be able to initiate threads, but NaNoWriMo HQ will. We are open to suggestions for threads, but we will only open a limited number and the ones we do open will likely close after a certain number of days. Our focus at this point is community safety and ensuring we don't have more threads open than we can reasonably moderate.

Our Volunteer Program Will Completely Change

So much of what we do is made possible by our hundreds of volunteers, who work diligently to support us from all over the globe. Yet, we have fallen short in supporting them and in safeguarding the integrity of their work. We have developed more rigorous training and staff-side support and will enforce identity verification and criminal background checks for all volunteers. Improvements in this area are long overdue.

A Mechanism to Certify Educators Will Be Implemented on the YWP Website

Our classroom feature will no longer be available by virtue of self-designation. Folks wishing to utilize this feature will be asked to certify as educators. We are partnering with ID.me to provide this functionality. This is yet another measure designed to protect some of our most vulnerable community members.

Let’s Talk About Timeline

We’ve done a great deal to move as swiftly as possible toward these changes. We’re at the tail-end of a selection process for background checking vendors. We’ve reworked our volunteer training and evaluated streamlined training platforms. We’ve worked with our tech team to roadmap back-end changes that are needed to support new measures. With the help of our legal counsel, five policies and four legal contracts have been revised. Nonetheless, there are enough moving parts and pieces that there won't be a central release date. Change will happen gradually in the coming weeks. To the extent that you may have further questions, we’ve set up these FAQs.

Before I close, I want to acknowledge the sense of loss experienced by those who relied on programs we've temporarily suspended or permanently changed, and the abysmal November timing of it all. I also want to acknowledge our tremendous volunteers, whose overall track record of dedication and excellence was sullied by the actions of just a few. We are working very hard to ensure that we rise to the standard that our community deserves and rightfully expects. We are building a safer, stronger, more accountable NaNoWriMo.

In community,

Kilby Blades

Interim Executive Director

is anyone doing camp nano or are we all just side-eyeing the shit that's going on w nanowrimo at the moment

I have tentatively put a project on the site but maybe I'll just do a sort of "unofficial" camp nano during april and not use the site at all

I don't really understand 80% of what's going on but it seems ummmm Bad

[bowithoutadaemon]

With the fire raging rn I do wish I had actually gone on that little walk through the forest last week... Now it's not entirely sure when it's gonna be safe to do that or how depressing it might be there after the fire...

Ehm, alright so that peeps who don't live in Berlin know what the fuck I'm talking about:

This night a fire broke out in the woods at a bomb disposal site/munitions facility of the police in the Grundewald forest. It's not sure if the fire or the explosion was first, can't be investigated rn. But it's clear that right now there is a growing spreading fire and also continued explosions of all the old ammunition, bombs, pyrotechnics and whatever else that is stored at the detonation area. (The police doesn't do controlled detonations during the very dry times of the year, but world war 2 ammunition and bombs still get found near daily and illegal pyrotechnics get confiscated frequently. So there is basically always something in storage. Also the bigger bombs should technically hopefully not explode, except if all the safety measures of their storage building and their containers fail, which they shouldn't...)

Obviously until shit stops exploding nobody can go put the fire out. Because plenty of the stuff is strong enough to send nasty shrapnel flying real far. So the fire can just spread through the designated exclusion zone around the bomb disposal site.

But there's enough time to get stuff prepared all along the edge of the exclusion zone to stop the fire from spreading further. But a circle with a 1km radius is real fucking big, that's a lot of area that the fire has free reign over...

Also it's all a nature reserve! The entire Grunewald is. Part of the area in the exclusion zone is not just a nature reserve it's like the next more protected thing because of some rare stuff growing&living there... and it's burning. And will continue to burn until shit stops exploding...

Literally the only good thing about this whole thing is that MAYBE now the police/the state/whoever decides this thing will close the detonation area and start using some other places that 1) are not in a fucking nature reserve and area that many many people go to relax and 2) isn't just one single place for the entire city because if a bomb was found on the other side of the city they used to need to drive that fucking thing for hours through the city and residential areas to get to the one bomb disposal site... idk that just seems like a bad idea to me.

[my-hyperfixations]

Hi this is my Fundywastaken Wedding rant

So I’m a relatively new fan. I’ve only been a fan of these streamers/the smp for a couple of weeks, but I knew what it was because my friend would rant about it to me.

Now as a person on tumblr, pinterest, AO3, and many other fandom sites, I got sucked into the shipping, relatively Dreamnotfound. I heard about some of the things Dream did on the SMP and I was like “Man he sounds like a jerk why do people like him” and my friend said “Oh yea he did all that stuff ‘cause Tommy burned down George’s house” I legit looked at her and went “... wait he literally tortured people and got put into prison because a child burned down his friend’s house?” “Yep” “Man, talk about a simp.”

I’ve also seen different streams and compilations of DNF and such. 

I would say I’m a relatively peaceful shipper, but sometimes I can get a bit intense. Not really with this ship though. (okay maybe a little bit)

Now, I had known that Fundy and Dream were going to get married in minecraft, but I didn’t really know the outcome. 

I like Fundy. He’s a really talented streamer. But there were some things that I heard about that kinda made me question his relationship with Dream.

First off, and I know y’all have probably heard this millions of times, but Fundy proposes after one date? Guaranteed, he did an AMAZING job setting it up.....but still? One date?  

Second off, I’m not really clear about the whole ‘honeymoon’ thing, but there’s something about how Dream hates iron doors?? and that’s what Fundy made their honeymoon suite out of?? I don’t know about y’all but that’s a big red flag for me. 

Then there’s the wedding. 

So first off, I loved this video, I actually just watched it for the first time a couple of hours ago. 

The outfits? Amazing.

Fundy’s skills? Perfection.

The map? Absolutely stunning. 

Tommy and Ranboo as the flowers girls while humming the Avengers theme? Glorious.

Wilbur being the priest? Fabulous. 

Sapnap being Dream’s Dad and giving him away? Wholesome. 

I genuinely liked the wedding and relatively enjoyed it, since Fundy seemed so excited to marry Dream and all that. Dream was also really impressed with Fundy and for this moment, everything seemed like it would be fine. 

But there were a couple of red flags I noticed, along with a couple other things. 

So first off, again y’all have heard this before, but the hesitation from Dream? He is silent for waaaaaay to long after Wilbur does the whole “Do you accept Fundy as a partner” thing. Silent way too long he couldn’t have used an excuse such as “sorry I zoned out” or something. Also, how throughout the majority of the wedding, Dream just kept looking around while meanwhile Fundy’s camera stays fixated on Dream for practically the entire time of the wedding. This was kinda normal but it just stuck out to me. 

There was also the silence. Now as a DreamNotFound shipper, I wanted to know what George thought of it as I had not really heard what he thought of it beforehand. George was silent through practically the entire time, (except the end but hang on I’ll get there in a sec) the only time he really ‘says’ anything is when he puts the “:’)” emoji in the chat. This made me think he might not be connected to audio, so I was like “oh okay he can’t really say anything alright.”

Also the vows? I ranted about this to my sister. Fundy’s seemed so personalized and dedicated to Dream, describing their relationship and Fundy’s devotion to him. But Dream’s? It practically sounds like he made them up on the spot. Almost like he wasn’t prepared. And it wasn’t necessarily all that special to Fundy, it’s the typical ‘You make me happy’ speech. 

And then there’s the objection.

When I tell you my jaw dropped, I mean my sister looked over at me and she just goes “What happened? What happened did someone do something tell me now!” (My sister is a minor fan after she listens to me rant about it, she’s also a dnf shipper) 

I was so shocked, like I was kinda expecting it but I thought that was just the fangirl side of me being like “oh it’s gonna be canon” as in “the fans are gonna ignore canon and pretend this happened” type thing but no?? George actually did it?? AND AT THE WEDDING?? 

(I’m sorry but George not knowing how to get on stage tho lol)

George pushing Dream off the stage and hitting Fundy and Wilbur?? The part of me that was liking the wedding was like “wHAT” while the dnf shipper side of me was like “oH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING IT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING”

And the kiss? 

I’ve literally thought about this for hours. 

George straight up kisses Dream?? I screamed? Like both in fangirl and in both wedding disaster horror? George actually kisses Dream. Then there’s the whole “I did what I had to do.” “What, kiss me?!” thing. Dream appears to be verbally and outwardly mad about George ‘interrupting’ the wedding,  but like ..... idk man i don’t know what to think anymore.

The drama that ensures when Sapnap drags George away from Dream and everyone huddles around Dream and Fundy. Holy crap I got anxiety just watching it. 

Then Tommy asks “Dream, did you pull away when George kissed you?” 

And George says “No he didn’t, no he did’t!”

Fundy’s heartbroken “Why?” 

AND DREAM STRAIGHT UP LEAVES?! 

Now first off, this is minecraft. It’s a flipping video game. All Dream could’ve done was press a button/move his mouse whatever and he would’ve moved away from George. But he didn’t? 

Now I know this is all acting but DANG WHY AM I SO ADDICTED TO ANGST?!

Dream leaves? Now I can understand why, he was getting pressurized by everyone and probably felt overwhelmed, but .................. i have no words for it. Why did he leave? Was it just simply because he felt pressurized like everyone is saying on this site? Or was it for some other reason? 

Dream did hesitate to say “I do.” 

This is all acting, but holy crap. This is so much drama right now and even the fandom is torn over it.

It’s been four months.

I’m going to need a part two explaining on whether Dream and Fundy are going to make up, if they’re going to split peacefully, if it’s true that Dream secretly was in love with George? I NEED ANSWERS IM SO TORN ABOUT THIS I CANT EVEN THINK OH MY GOD AAAAAAAAAAASDLKFALSDKGHAL 

[cynicalrecoverysociety]

Journal Post

Okay so there is this lady at work and she drives me up the fucking wall and honestly no idea how to deal with it. At this point I know my opinion of her is so tainted that actually everything she does bothers me to the core. I know it's a real Bitch Eating Crackers scenario and I have no idea how much of our negative interactions are in my head and how much are her being the kind of person I hate to work with.

So. In the beginning. She used to work phones and one time got a call about an error I did incorrectly. She emailed me about it and I took it poorly. I actually just looked at the email and I think it's fine tbh just really perfunctory but it hurt at the time. And now she works weekends under me. And she works in a role that is supposed to just go wherever you need help that day. But every time I ask her to go to a site that isn't one of her main ones she drags her feet and . . . Idk. She just tries to get me to reconsider I guess. Like I will say "Can you get into Site A?" And she will say "I don't know Site A" and it's like. . . . The point of your job is that you work sites you don't know. If you were only going to work what you know they should never have promoted you. But I ask her to get over and she does do it. But I just hate being questioned like that, I hate hate hate telling people what to do because I know how it feels to be pulled out of a site you feel comfortable in and thrown in new frontier. But the position she fills was explicitly created to do that. It is the entire job description. If she doesn't like it she really should not have taken a job where that is the only role. So I feel like I am micromanaging her but she will work sites that don't need help or take work from other people when she could be HELPING, but she just wants to do her comfortable job in a comfortable way.

Today I asked if she could help in a site. She says she would go over after her main sites are cleared. I asked her what those were, she told me and I told her the plan for those sites. No response. I go to lunch. She is still in the site she was working before. I ask if she could move over when she can? She says she is clearing this site first because a boss over her said it was a priority. Well I had not heard such things before, and while I believe her, I would have liked to know that before I asked her to move again. She had no response to my plan. And now I feel like a dick for being pushy but I didn't know and I thought she was just ignoring me? And it feels like every interaction we have is just bad. I think she likes chatting/talking a bit and she reaches out to me every single morning for something usually pretty stupid, obvious or otherwise infuriating to me. But I know I am just painting a bad picture of her on some of these interactions. Like one time she logged on and said "I get to play in Site B today" and I actually almost threw up. Calling the work "play" made me want to hurl and besides that she was wrong! There was almost no work there, I can get it out in 30 minutes and it would take her all day, and there were other sites that needed the help. Oh and never forget I asked her to move sites around a few times and said that someone else could grab the small amount of work there on 2nd shift and then my boss had to tell me "hey we don't have work for 2nd we should just have who is there work it" which means she not only tattled on me without talking to me about anything first she also COMPLETELY misrepresented the situation. They seemed to think I was telling her to just sit on her hands and leave the work. No fucking way. I asked her to work where we needed help, not a single batch she could pfaff about in for a few hours when it should take 30 mins. When I told him what happened my boss was like "oh seems like a miscommunication and you have it under control!" Which like. I do. Except the fact that one of my reviewers questions every division I make that is outside their comfort zone and tattled when she didn't get her way. I just can't with this broad. And she works Sundays now too. FML.

[astralaffairs]

w/ midnight approaching i j wanna let yall know that this blog was genuinely the best part of my 2020. it's been a hellish year, but getting to meet & know writers like @deja-you (girl ur writing has a SPECIAL place in my heart istg. i know we don't talk much but ur presence on this site and on ur blog makes my life a lil brighter. even if the feeling isn't mutual i think of u as a good friend 💞❣) @daveeddiggsit (an actual ray of sunshine 🥺) @iknowthekoolaidflavor @wreakhavoconmacroissantdiggs @tinywhim & @biafbunny all of whose works ive been reading for as long as (or longer than) ive been writing for this fandom has been so incredible and heart warming <3 ur all such damn sweethearts and ilu

& then there have been the new mutuals that have popped up and brightened my life like @commandersmiley @braidedchallah @ramp-it-up & @moondustmemories @summerofsnowflakes @raiseaglasstothefourofus (i know we don't chat much but ilu all sm 🥺)

& @id-do-it-for-free-babe @peoniarose @ohsoverykeri-blog (idk where the hyphens go in ur url ill fix it later) & @cloudynblw

then there's @einfachniemand who literally hypes me more than ANYONE else and is probably the most supportive person on this entire goddamn site ❣💕 i would give u the world if i could but alas i do not have that kind of power

and @youunravelme whose asks and notifs MAKE MY ENTIRE LIFE. u don't even know and i can't explain bruh i get like 80% of my serotonin from getting notifs from u and hearing ur thoughts in my inbox. it's the absolute best. u have made my 2020 like 80% better. i can't emphasize this enough you make me so happy.

and maybe (just maybe) im abt to mention @tinywhim again who is absolutely the kindest most gracious person alive i swear 🥺 also she wrote my absolute outright favorite thom fic that i have ever read (and yes, i have read quite a number of them since 2016) and im now enamored w demon!thom

and ofc @the-lost-marauder 🥰🥰 as much as i adore every single one of my followers and mutuals, ur by far one of my favorite ppl to hear from on this site. your thanksgiving ball oneshot is still one of my favorite things to read on here and u have absolutely excellent energy. i feel like we'd probably vibe irl (also pls more secret relationship vp!thom content!!! pl ease !!!!!! i need it asap)

and yes im abt to mention @deja-you again bc she's such a fucking sweetheart. the literal embodiment of sunshine and cotton candy. idk what else there is to say here u just have the purest vibes i feel like ur the type of person to save a cat from a tree or have a bird land on ur shoulder. u just have that energy 🥺💫 then again you outright broke my heart w foreign affairs so idk i might have to retract all that 😤

& special s/o to @fentinatalin for having shitty taste in men. that's all.

jk jk ily natalie 🤧❣ have i ever told u that when u hmu on ig i almost didn't dm u back bc it gave me anxiety and i thought you'd think i was uncool on main??? anyway im glad i did hit u back bc ur a ridiculously excellent friend and i frequently forget ive only known u for a couple months???? i realized recently that ive picked up some of ur texting habits and idk how to feel abt it . anyway ily thanks for existing

also mega shoutout to @maniacmichele bc ik i haven't answered ur graph theory ask but that's bc ive been watching math yt videos to try and dissect it until i can figure out wtf it all means. ur smart as shit and i am in awe of ur math brain ty for taking the time to explain that graph theory thing bc i have spent literal hours nerding out over it

also to @marioverthere bc i know we don't talk much anymore (FUCK time zones) but meeting you and getting the chance to know u literally made me so happy (also ur the reason i started staying current w/ the hk protests so ty ao much for making me aware of that darling)

and to @softclowninghours for having THE PUREST energy. u probably give excellent hugs i can just feel it. i just know it.

and then all my anons w ur lil emojis and signatures, who i love and cherish -- i won't try to list all of u bc i WILL forget some and im not tryna do u like that but some honorable mentions:

🐥 anon, for being like half the reason i ever touch my draft of lobsterback (ur my motivation, inspiration, muse, etc. thanks honey)

🍬 anon, for being absolutely fucking adorable and an enormous sweetheart

🐺 anon, for being friendly as hell and also kinda fucking hilarious. ur asks always make me smile

💙🖤 anon, for being so so so damn kind and supportive all the fucking time (ily)

there are so many people and blogs and anons that have made an impression on me this year, so believe me when i say this is very, very, VERY incomplete; if we've ever talked, or you've sent me an ask, or you've ever interacted with my post, you deserve a spot up here so pls forgive me for having 3 neurons and not remembering to mention u as i hastily write this post

literally though i love and appreciate every single one of you so much. this sounds like a huge platitude but i don't know how else to say it because there are genuine thousands of u who id list if i had more time or energy. you're all excellent. thank you so much for being alive at the same time as me.

also s/o to disney and lin for releasing the obc tape bc fr thats the only reason this fandom came back to life

+ also HUGE shoutout to the person who venmoed me ten bucks for the fotp smut. i don't have ur tumblr @ since u sent everything on anon but yk who you are; your generosity means the world to me and i hope the smut lived up to ur hopes and expectations

++ also the anon who encouraged me to actually write my art museum au 😌❣ ik it isn't up yet but ive been loving it so much and i hope u like it when it drops

[catrasredemption-moved]

Idk if Nonners wants it or not, but enough people expressed interest that I’m going to post anyway. However, I want to expand more on my original answer to this, and a couple other things.

(Story is under the cut if you just want to skip straight to that.)

Like I said before, I don’t care for the headcanon that DT just becomes the weird, quirky sort-of friend that people tolerate. I honestly enjoy their grey morality and the fact that they’re never humbled by anything or really change, because in the end they have no conflicts about themself (themselves? I’ve seen people use both). They’re happy with who they are. They know what they want, and they do what they have to do to survive.

And I know there’s a lot of conflict about the only NB character in the show being a shapeshifter whose loyalties can be bought, but... Idk, I find it kind of fascinating? And before anyone asks, yes, I’m nonbinary, and personally, I don’t take offense to DT being the way they are. Being the only NB rep is kind of dodgy, but DT as a character is still fun. Digging more into their ability to dissect a person’s personality and break them down to their core is just more interesting to me. It’s sort of in the same vein as people forgetting that Catra is still a master strategist along with being Adora’s love interest. DT is weird and quirky and still a cunning little shit who can play people like a fiddle and casually enjoys messing with people’s heads.

I just want to be clear about my interpretation of DT because I know it’s unpopular, but it’s mine, and it’s the mindset I went into writing this particular story with. So... read on, if you’re still interested.

Catra collapsed on a rock, sighing heavily. Salineas was, unsurprisingly, one of the hardest places to rebuild. They had made a lot of progress in the last month, however. It was almost starting to look like a kingdom again.

She scrubbed her eye with the palm of her hand. She hadn’t been getting much sleep or eating much since she had started working here. But it was worth it. Every lost night of sleep or missed meal was worth fixing the mistakes she made.

“Working hard, huh?”

Catra’s head snapped up; she blinked when she saw Mermista standing over her. “Yeah, sorry, I was just taking a break—”

“Cleaning up your own mess is a lot of work, isn’t it?”

Catra narrowed her eyes. There was… something in Mermista’s gaze that didn’t feel right. The water princess hadn’t been overly eager to trust her, but Catra had been working day and night on her kingdom, and that had earned her some points. That, and they shared the same deadpan attitude about most things.

“Um… yeah. I’m doing my best—”

“Doesn’t look like it from where I’m standing.”

Don’t get mad. Don’t get mad. Catra took a deep breath, and let it out again, pushing herself up. “Right. Sorry. I’ll get back to work.”

“You do that.”

Catra glared at her for a moment before walking away. Sure, they exchanged barbs sometimes, but they were never cruel to each other. Maybe Sea Hawk had pissed her off. He seemed to be good at that.

“Hey Wildcat!” Scorpia said cheerfully when she saw Catra returning to their work site. “Thought you were taking a break?”

“You know me, can’t sit still.” Catra shrugged. “Why don’t you go? I’ll try again later.” 

When Mermista wasn’t in a bad mood. “You sure?” Scorpia asked. “I’m good to keep going, really.”

“You’ve been here all day. Just go get something to eat, it won’t kill you.”

Scorpia raised an eyebrow. “Have you eaten today?”

“Yes.” No. But Scorpia wouldn’t leave her alone if she said that.

“Okay, fine. I’ll be back in a few.”

She clapped a pincer against Catra’s back and headed off down the street. Catra rubbed her back and got to work. They were almost done with this building, just a few more bricks — maybe she could leave Scorpia to it when she got back and get started on the next place.

“Wow, you’re actually working.” The mostly silent air around Catra broke; she nearly dropped a brick on her foot. She whirled, hearing it crash against the ground, and saw Glimmer standing in the door, arms crossed.

“Yeah, of course I’m working.” Glimmer was okay to ger snippy at. Well, no she wasn’t, but Catra knew she wouldn’t hold it against her. She’d make her cake later to make up for it. It was the inevitable way to Glimmer’s heart.

“I’m just surprised. I didn’t know you actually did much to help.”

Catra narrowed her eyes. “You’ve watched me work every single day.” For the last six months. Glimmer knew damn well Catra worked, considering she’d nearly worked herself into the ground while rebuilding the Fright Zone.

“Doesn’t mean you’ve actually helped.” Glimmer scoffed. “I’m sure people have had to go back and fix whatever you did wrong.”

“Hey, what’s your problem?” Catra didn’t mean to snap — not really. Okay, maybe a little. Glimmer was wearing at her nerves, though.

Glimmer made a show of looking around. “Gee, we’re in a place you destroyed — I can’t imagine what my problem might be.” She rolled her eyes. “Just try not to mess up anything else too much, okay?”

“Yes, your majesty,” Catra half snarled, turning away to finish the wall she had been working on. She didn’t hear Glimmer leave; she just had to hope she was gone.

The wall was almost done by the time a peppy voice called, “Hey Wildcat! Got you a sandwich and some water.”

Catra didn’t even turn around. “I’m not hungry,” she muttered. “Thanks, though. Can you finish up here? I’m going to start on the next building.”

“Um… sure?” Scorpia sound bewildered. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Catra made her way out of the building. “I’m fine.”

She worked uninterrupted for a few long hours, muscles burning, arms aching, and it felt good. Hurting felt good. It felt right.

(That was a mindset she was trying to break.)

“Hey Catra,” a voice sang, breaking the silence. It was familiar and… not familiar. Catra’s ears twitched as she straightened up to look at Adora, standing in the door of the building she was working in.

“Adora? What’s up?”

The blonde smiled innocently. “I just wanted to see how you were doing.” There was something extremely off about her cadence and tone. It set Catra’s fur on end. “Working hard?”

“Yeah. Been helping clear out buildings all morning.”

“Does it make you feel any better?”

“Huh?”

“You know.” Adora stepped in, walking closer to Catra. “Does it help with the guilt? The shame?” Catra’s ears went flat against her head, tail puffing up. “Or do you get a little thrill from it all? Remembering your glory days?”

“Wh-What’re you…” Catra’s back hit the wall. She was starting to shake.

“You ever miss that? The power? The sick thrill, the joy?”

It wasn’t Adora. Some disconnected part of Catra’s mind knew that, but she couldn’t put the pieces together. Panic was starting to knot up in her chest, twisting her lungs, squeezing them, making it impossible to breathe. It was exactly like something out of her nightmares.

“St-Stop…”

The word is a wheezing cough as she trembles. “Do you ever think maybe you’re too far gone? Beyond forgiveness? That everything you’re doing is for nothing? Maybe you haven’t really changed. Maybe you’re just biding your time before you lash out and hurt someone again. Or maybe you’ve already hurt someone and you just don’t know it.”

Her form shifted and changed, growing slightly, into Mermista. “Or maybe there are people who haven’t forgiven you.” 

Another shift, shrinking into Glimmer. “Or can’t forgive you.” 

Yet another change, growing taller, taller… into a person Catra only knew from cartoonishly bad holograms and a mural on the wall of Bright Moon. 

“People who will never get the option either way,” Queen Angella finished. Catra slid down the wall, curling in on herself, claws digging into her head. She wouldn’t have been able to defend herself even if she wanted to.

And part of her didn’t want to.

“I dunno, guys, she’s just been acting weird,” Scorpia said as she led Adora and Glimmer to the building Catra was working in. “I know she gets in moods and doesn’t like to talk sometimes, but…”

Her voice drifted off as an unfamiliar voice reached her ears. Unfamiliar to her, at least. Adora and Glimmer both exchanged wide-eyed glances and ran to the door, freezing for a moment when they saw Angella standing over Catra. The younger woman was curled up on the floor, clutching her head.

“There are some things you can never take back, aren’t there? Some things things that just can’t be forgiven. Some things that—”

Glimmer recovered first, swiping her hands through the air with a motion that was probably too aggressive for the situation, then fired a blast of magic right at the doppelganger's back. They yelped, stumbling forward, body shifting and changing into…

“Double Trouble.”

Scorpia stormed into the room, grabbing the shapeshifter and hauling them into the air. Adora rushed passed them, kneeling in front of Catra. “Hey, hey,” she murmured, gently grabbing her shoulders, then rubbing Catra’s arms. “It’s okay, you’re okay, none of it was real—”

“Well that’s rude,” Double Trouble scoffed. “I work best with reality, you know.”

Adora’s eyes flashed icy blue as she turned to glare at them. “Get. Them. Out.”

Scorpia nodded and dragged Double Trouble out into the street. Mermista was approaching them, saying, “One of the guards said something about possible troub — oh.” Her expression went flat when she saw Double Trouble. “What are they doing here?”

“That’s a good question,” Glimmer said. Scorpia dropped the shapeshifter, and the princesses surrounded them, glaring. Double Trouble sighed dramatically.

“Do you know how hard it is to get a steady job when the entire planet is rebuilding? I’ve been staying in villages and making money where I can. Happened to end up here. You know the story.”

“What did you say to Catra?”

They shrugged. “Nothing she didn’t need to hear. Although I wasn’t expecting such an extreme reaction. I guess Horde Prime really did break her.” They leaned over, trying to see into the building. Scorpia blocked their view, and Glimmer grabbed them by the collar, dragging them back up to meet her gaze.

“You were using my mother to torture her.”

“I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true,” Double Trouble said carelessly. “Catra needs someone to keep her in check, she always has. I consider it a service to the community to remind her where she stands before she gets too out of control again.”

A memory flashed through Glimmer’s mind. The sight of Catra on the floor in the forge, leaning against rubble. Completely despondent.

What are you waiting for? Do it.

Glimmer had never wanted to ask. She had been afraid to ask. She shoved Double Trouble back, letting Scorpia take them. “Your kingdom, Mermista. Your call what you want to do with them.”

“You could have just stayed here and stayed out of trouble,” Mermista said, glaring at them. “But you blew your cover to, what? Mess with Catra?”

“What can I say? She remains, to date, my most thrilling character.”

Adora did her best to shield Catra from what was going on outside. “Look at me, Catra, focus on me. Hey.” She gently grabbed Catra’s hands. “You don’t need that. You don’t need pain to keep you grounded, remember? Focus on me.”

Catra shook her head with a whimper, trying to pull her hands back, face pressed into her knees. Adora knew she was closing off. Not good. “Catra, please.” Adora leaned forward, resting her forehead on top of Catra’s head and hugging her tight. “Look at me. Please.”

It took a few moments, but Catra finally lifted her head. She was pale, eyes glassy and unfocused. Adora took her face between her hands, trying to make her focus. “It’s okay. I don’t know what Double Trouble said to you, but they were wrong.”

“No, they weren’t,” Catra whispered. It was more of a wheeze as she struggled to get control of herself. “I did so many terrible things, especially here, and the portal, and—”

“Hey, hey.” Adora leaned close. “Catra, please. That’s the past. Don’t let yourself get dragged back there. Stay with me, please. You promised you wouldn’t leave me again, remember? Stay here. Stay with me.”

Catra whimpered sharply, unwinding slightly and finally letting Adora scoop her up, pulling her into her lap. “It’s okay,” she whispered as Catra caught her breath and started sobbing quietly.

“No, it isn’t,” she whispered. “Nothing they said was wrong. I destroyed this place. I enjoyed it. I killed Glimmer’s mother. I… I…”

She curled up in Adora’s arms, wanting nothing more than to disappear. “Hey,” Glimmer said, resting a hand on Adora’s shoulder and kneeling beside her. “Mermista and Scorpia are tossing Double Trouble in a cell. Do you guys want to go back to Bright Moon?”

“I… I still have… I…”

“Mermista doesn’t care if you take the rest of the day off,” Glimmer assured Catra. “She said she’s sick of you anyway.” Catra’s ears somehow went flatter. “I mean — she just meant you’ve been working too hard. You should take some time off. Both of you.”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Adora said firmly. Glimmer smiled.

“Whenever you guys are ready, then.”

Catra buried her face in Adora’s neck, and Adora nodded to Glimmer. A moment later, they were back in Bright Moon. “I’m going to head back and make sure they’re okay dealing with Double Trouble. Be back soon.”

She disappeared again. Adora adjusted herself to lift Catra and settle them both on the bed. Catra clung to Adora, arms wrapped around her waist, leaning on her like she was the last thing Catra had to keep her from drowning. Adora brushed her fingers through Catra’s hair, stopping to scritch her ears a few times. Melog appeared from under the bed, mewling sadly, and pressed up against Adora and Catra, nuzzling Catra’s cheek. Adora gave the cat a small smile.

“It’s okay,” she murmured after a moment. “It’s okay.”

Catra shook her head weakly. “It’s not. They were right.”

“No, they weren’t,” Adora said firmly. “Look at me. Please.”

Catra sniffed, pulling back to look at Adora. “You did bad things. A lot of bad things. And I know those are going to haunt you for a long time. But you are trying so hard to make up for all those things. Do you think I haven’t noticed you sleeping less and skipping meals since we started working in Salineas? Which we need to talk about, by the way. You don’t get to neglect yourself for penance.”

“I’m trying to help,” she whispered. “Nothing feels like enough. Nothing is ever going to make up for what I did.”

“That’s not up to you to decide. And it’s certainly not up to Double Trouble. You didn’t deserve that.”

“Yes I did.” Her voice was miserable.

“So what, do you think everyone should just line up every day and remind you about all the terrible things you did?”  Sometimes, Catra needed to be coddled and held while she worked through her episodes. Sometimes she needed a firm voice and to be reminded (possibly against her will) that she couldn’t hate herself forever. This seemed to have turned into the latter.

“I’m sure some people would enjoy it.”

“Yeah? Show me those people so I can punch them.” No answer. “I’m serious, Catra. I know it’s hard once you start spiraling, but you need to try and remember that you’re more than your mistakes. And people know that. People have forgiven you. They’ve chosen to forgive you. It’s not up to you to decide if they made the right choice.”

Catra looked at Adora for a long moment, clearly exhausted, before she finally nodded and lowered her head back to rest on Adora’s chest. “Okay.”

It wasn’t a fix, not by a long shot. Double Trouble using Angella to provoke Catra had been a low blow that would probably haunt her dreams when she finally slept. But it was a start. Adora would take that.