#I know that isn’t true so i’d like to prove them wrong

[sisterkosho]

Let’s all @ the official ASBR account on Twitter and ask them to add Illuso.

[gb-patch]

GB Patch Games: Sensitivity Reader Update

Okay, well I am able to make another statement before Rose does. I can now explain much more easily why I didn’t fire Rose. There’s been new developments with the leakers. The people behind this have doxed Rose’s discord account (please don’t go looking for it) and also shared a screenshot of an email that was sent to my support address months ago. They believe that incriminates us somehow, but really all it’s done is shown in broad daylight what they were doing and why I was defending Rose so much. If I had brought up that email as a connection to this myself people understandably would’ve thought I was making a conspiracy.

However, it is out now. Here is the story- a few months ago someone who wanted to remain anonymous sent me an email with a screenshot where Rose called me a cracker. And I told them I appreciated the concern but it’s alright, was there evidence of Rose being unkind to players? They had nothing. No response.

As an aside, yes, I have been aware for a long time that Rose uses crude language when talking about me. That doesn’t mean I’ve hidden how evil they were from players. It means I’m allowed to choose what I’m comfortable with. That original “reveal” didn’t shock or upset me in any way. Our Life is a sensitive, wholesome game, but I’m a full-grown adult. I’m not innocent or pure. The game I released before OL is XOXO Blood Droplets. Something I wrote and released to the public is full of crude jokes, curse words, and violence. It’s cartoonish and comical, but edgy. Rose themselves likes to BS with bad words and I’m not accepting abuse because I think getting called a pussy is funny. I know Rose doesn’t hate me or wish me any harm. Rose also isn’t causing “discourse” for me and my games on purpose, they were joking that bringing up serious topics is “discourse” to some people. Ironically, the leakers who did this are trying to make some “discourse” on purpose.

Regardless, I initially thought that email was from someone earnestly worried for me and that they moved on when it was clear I was fine. But that’s not what happened. Them and at least one other person have been waiting for months to bring this up again. They went through almost a year’s worth of Rose’s private posts to collect as many unflattering screenshots as they could, and then they didn’t send them to me. They posted them publicly. I had a suspicion from the get go that it was the same person/people from before who couldn’t prove anything to me in private. And if true, how horrible is it that a bunch of the comments they shared were crude language towards me, something they already knew I’d brush off as nothing. They decided for me that it was wrong and they wanted the rest of the players to do the same. Or even less charitably, those extra posts were simply there to make Rose look as bad and untrustworthy as possible and they didn’t care that I was comfortable with it. I could not explain everything we were thinking/feeling at first, but behind the scenes we were discussing how this was personally motivated and not a knee-jerk act without forethought. And we do know for certain at least the main people involved now, and they do have personal issues with Rose.

Also, if you still believe that they just wanted to help the game at any length because Rose is that huge of a risk, showing that email and framing something innocuous about me (not fainting at the word “cracker” and politely being open to more proof) as serious “evidence of wrongdoing” at GB Patch Games makes me believe they want to smear Rose so bad they’ll try to turn players against me as well. Plus, the post is framed as “this email was anonymously sent to me”, but we know from account details that the people who could’ve gotten those screenshots of the discord and email are the same people who sent that email and started this situation, which is embarrassing. I’ve confirmed the screenshots shared in the email to me and the original public post came from the same private, “venting-safe” discord server. There’s very few people in there. We know it’s still you and not a separate source. I can’t prove they think I’m stupid or in their way, but I can’t see how anything they’re doing is trying to be beneficial to the creation of OL: NF. They told me in the email they’d give me more evidence if I requested it and I was ready to know, but instead they went silent for months and then did this.

I want it to be clear that this doesn’t mean players can’t wonder if Rose has enough experience to be a sensitivity reader right now, or to worry they’re so invested in the game that it’s going to effect how objective they are with their feedback, or to say that Rose is flawless and has never done anything hurtful. However, I hope you can understand why I was on Rose’s side and couldn’t just fire them over this. It felt so incredibly unfair. If another person tries to get their way by doing this in the future, I will not hail them as a hero and immediately fire at the target. And I don't tolerate any racial harassment of any kind to anyone on my team.

If those people want to continue to share Rose’s private posts in retaliation, you can fuck off. If you somehow reveal now that Rose is secretly a murderer, I’m not gonna apologize and say I was so wrong about you. If you had tons of evidence of Rose being horrible to players, you should’ve sent it all to me and with full context to begin with in the email like you offered to do. I just don’t understand.

Any players who like to see someone’s least flattering points portrayed in the worst possible way and continue flocking to the leaks as fandom drama, I don’t want you in this fandom. I don’t want you to enjoy my games.

Anyone who has been truly hurt by this and are left confused and angry, I do completely understand that. I didn’t know how to handle this, and it made a lot of people not know how to keep trusting me. I am still looking into getting a community manager to help me better communicate with players, especially when something serious happens. And I’ll always be around for you to reach out to if you have doubts about anything.

[lailols]

TXT when you call them by their name

Soobin

- sassy, pouty, isn’t moving an inch until you get his name right

“Soobin!” You say shaking so you jostle him from how you’re cuddling, “Look at this video.”

He does the exact opposite. Sitting up and shifting to the end of the bed so you’re not touching without saying a word.

“Soobin?” You call out and crawl over to him, sprawling yourself on top of him, “What’s wrong? Look at this video.”

He hmphs and flips over so you fall off of him.

“Helloooooooo” You start shaking him. “Why are you doing this? Did I do something?”

“I don’t know angel, did you?”

“No? Soobin, we’ve been sitting here watching TikTok’s for like an hour.”

“Hm, I guess not darling.” He says standing up.

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know, love, probably somewhere that I’m loved and appreciated”

“Um?” You stand as well, “What are you talking about, Soobin?”

“Now you’re just doing it on purpose!” He pouts ans stomps his foot.

“Doing what?”

“Calling me that name.” He spits the words like a curse.

“Soobin? Baby, that’s your name!” You say cradling his cheeks.

“Nope, not to you.” He shakes his head, “Calling me that is basically saying you want me to never succeed in life and die.”

“I didn’t realize calling you by the name your parents gave you was a crime”

“It is when it’s you”

“Okay, I’m so sorry my sugarplum gumdrop lovemuffin pumpkin sweetie pie.” You say peppering kisses over his face.

“I’d rather my name to that monstrosity”

“Beggars can’t be choosers”

Yeonjun

- he’d rather you just kill him, actually

“Yeonjun, look at this!” You go to run up to the display but are stopped by the horrified gasp that leaves your boyfriend’s lips.

Yeonjun falls to his knees in the middle of the mall, clutching his heart, “I think I might be dying.”

“What? What’s wrong? What happened?” You kneel next to him and while scanning his body trying to see whats hurting him.

“You calling me Yeonjun must’ve taken ten years off my lifespan.” He cries dramatically, curled in on himself, “I can feel the cold, clammy hands of death already.”

“I thought you were hurt, asshole.” You slap his shoulder and stand up to walk away.

“Noooooooo” his whines follow you as he scrambles to catch up, draping himself on top of you “baby, you were supposed to give me the kiss of life and call me by my name”

“Me calling you by your name is how we got into this situation.” you say with an eye roll.

“Not that name, the name only you can call me!”

“I call you a lot of names, which one should I pick?”

“The one that you think fits me the best!”

“Oh, okay, idiot”

“Hey!”

“It’s true!” You say with a shrug.

“That’s not romantic at all!”

“You didn’t say it had to be romantic!”

“It was implied!

“Fine! My idiot~”

“That’s works too.” He says with a grin.

Beomgyu

- fights fire with fire, don’t play with him

“Beomgyu, can you zip my top please?” You ask watching him through the mirror.

“Sure, y/n, I can do that, y/n” he says, stepping up to zip you.

Your brows furrow, “…oooookay, thank you?”

“What’s wrong, y/n? I thought you wanted me to zip up your top, y/n?” He says with a shit eating grin.

“Why are you saying my government name so much?”

“Oh, I thought that that’s what we were doing, y/n.” He cocks his head at you .

“No? Gyu, why would we do that?”

“You literally called me Beomgyu five minutes ago!”

“I wasn’t doing it to be mean, I was doing it because it’s your name genius.”

“Well, then I’m just doing the same thing, y/n”

“Gyuuuuuuuu, stop I don’t like it”

“Are you sure, y/n? Because if my name slips out so naturally, you must like it, y/n. And if you like my government name, y/n, isn’t it fair to assume that you like your government name as well, y/n?”

“No, actually, it is not, Beomgyu”

“It seems like it is, y/n, because here you are, continuing to call me that.”

“You’ve called my name at least 100 times in the last five minutes”

“I had a point to prove and my honor on the line.”

“I’m so sure.”

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”

Taehyun

- realizes and is vv confused

Taehyun! Can you grab some food on your way home? I don’t feel like cooking🥺

He had to read the text five times to make sure he wasn’t crazy.

Were you upset he wasn’t home yet? He told you he’d be at the gym late tonight but maybe you wanted to spend some time together before bed.

Did you want him to cook? Should he have telepathically sensed that you weren’t in the mood to cook and stayed home to make you your dinner?

Obviously he doesn’t actually believe any of this, but his name being in the text message instead of babe, love, hyun, or even tyun is very worrying.

He decides to cut his workout short and grab something to cook for you.

He even brings it up to the room so you don’t have to move to eat.

“Oh? What’s the special occasion?”

“Nothing…. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, baby, I’m fine.” You say grabbing the bowl. “How was the gym? You’re back pretty early”

“The gym was good, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes??? Tae, why do you keep asking?” You ask with a laugh.

He mumble something and then says again louder, “You called me Taehyun when you texted me and I was worried you were upset about something.”

“Oh! No, love, I’m not upset.” You chuckle, “I just realized that a lot of my nicknames for you are parts of your name so I just wanted to test out the full thing to see if it sticks.”

“And… did it stick?”

“Not really. It feels too formal to call you by your name.”

He lets out the breath he was holding, “That’s good, I didn’t really like it either.”

Kai

- pouty but doesn’t want you to realize

“….Hueningkai?”

His head whips around to you like he was struck. He looks you up and down to gauge your emotions but you’re just standing over the pot as serene as ever. It’s fine, he’ll play it cool and act completely natural to see if you’re upset.

“Ye-ah?” Shit, his voice cracked.

“Can you pass me the salt?”

“Sure, babe.” He grabs the salt and goes to hand it to you.

“Thanks, Hueningkai.” You try to take the salt from him, but he doesn’t let it go, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” He lets go of the salt like it’s on fire.

You add the salt in and put the pot cover on so it could simmer and then turn around to find Kai sulking in front of the fridge.

“Kai?…. Are you okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine! What’s up?” He jumps up and leans against the fridge in an attempt to look natural (he doesn’t).

You eye him for a bit before continuing, “Why are you standing all the way over there? We usually cling to each other while we cook.”

“Oh, I just wanted to be ready incase you needed something else.”

You eye him again, “If I needed something else, we could’ve just walked over there and gotten it. You don’t have to wait like I’ll kill you if you don’t bring it fast enough”

“Yeah, but…” he trails off

“But, what?”

“Does it not annoy you when I don’t give it right away?”

“I mean, not really? And if it did, I’d just grab it myself”

“Hm…” he pouts and looks away from you

“What made you think I was annoyed, baby?”

“Well… you called me by my full name when I took too long to pass the salt.”

“Honey, I was just trying to get your attention. When I called you the first few times, you didn’t respond.”

“Oh…”

[etherealsworldvision]

What is a step you can take toward your own well-being?

Before I begin the reading I’d like to take a moment to talk about: Marine Conservation Institute. They’re a non-profit organization working to defend our ocean by advocating for stronger protection and to save the ocean for all of us and future generations. If you’re interested do check them out and if you’d like to further support this organization click donate.

New song discovery for the reading: Elijah Waters - Perfectly Silent

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

🚨 P.S.A 🚨 : I do not give personal readings!

Added Description: all my readings are timeless and meant to reach those who resonate to the messages.

[ Collective Messages: 234 (or 2:34? I’m not religious but for some reason I got this?); Leaving the past behind; Elevating; Patience; Timing; Learning to walk again; Stumbling; Material abundance; Getting news about material/job offers; Your confirmation is Yes; Positive changes; Water wheel finally turning; Think before speaking; Rainbows and Sunshine. Mars Placements.]

Pile 1

“My head is like a washing machine. Tried to wash away these thoughts, still can’t get clean.”

Cards: 9 of Wands Reversed; Emperor; 10 of Cups Reversed; Empress Reversed; 2 of Hearts; Queen of Clubs; Six of Clubs

[ Messages: Stubborn; Self-Sabotage; Fear of Change; Overthinking; Stagnation; “Just Do It”; Red Sox; Baseball; Taking initiative; Ares; Aries placement; Coffee; Accepting your heart; Janine Teagues; “Things will go wrong whether you’re doing what you want or not. For me, regrets are always harder to live with than consequences. I don’t regret […] living my life to the fullest […] it’ll be alright, trust me.”– Mr. Johnson ( Abbott elementary S3EP14 timestamp 16:10 - 17:08). ]

The first thing standing out to me is your emotional and mental health. You may be experiencing a time where you’re unable to take care of yourself. This isn’t to shame you, I just want to acknowledge that you’re already doing enough. If no one said this to you today; I am so proud of you. Another thing I do want to say is: please reach out to your support system or check in with yourself. Honestly you don’t need to prove anything to be deserving of love and happiness. It’s okay to want and need something that emotionally fulfills you.

I feel like this pile is very independent and an over-thinker which can cause burnout, as well as aiding in self-sabotaging tendencies. For some reason I feel like you may “psych yourself out of it,” meaning you’re so excited about something only to get worried before having a chance. I know it’s a hard pill to swallow but it needs to be said. Self-sabotaging and overthinking is what’s holding you back. You may be experiencing Imposter Syndrome and Control issues as a result.

With the emperor, empress, and queen of clubs here — you are very much qualified to go after what you want. It does look like you're someone who knows what to do, is aware of the things you need, and what you want. I don’t know if it is a job or related to your social life, however, there’s this feeling of being overqualified for something or feeling deserving of more/better.

There is also a confirmation here that things will get better and you will get what you want. However, it is you who decides to go after it. I do recommend looking up books about self-sabotaging or YouTube videos about this topic. If you are in therapy, maybe this is a subject you’d like to bring up?

A good question to ask yourself is: What have I always accepted as true that turned out to be false?

So that’s all I’m getting. I know this reading is short and straightforward. I would like to say thank you for taking your time reading this and I hope this reading resonates with you.

Pile 2

[ Cards: King of Swords; The Devil Reversed; Page of Wands; Queen of Cups; King of Spades; 3 of Hearts; Jack of Diamonds; 5 of Hearts ]

Messages: Retreating; Refuting; Verbally Vindictive; 3H Mars; Leo or Cancer Mars; Fire and Water Placements; Trauma Dumping; Changes in Communication; Online Regina George Trope; Air Signs (Specifically Suns); Birthdays; Online Personality; Healing; Dictator - Rei Ami; YouTube commentary or essays about online ( trends )

I feel a bit overwhelmed when reading this pile. As if I have to be someone I’m not? I feel that social media is really coming in, especially TikTok/Twitter discourses. There’s this sense of having to upkeep and over consume to be considered a: ✨main character✨ otherwise “you’re just not cool and an utterly boring, basic loser, yuck 🤢 🤮, You’re not even a side character yikes.” /J (I am using sarcasm and joking).

For some of you I get the feeling that this could be stemming from social media addiction, others it may be, that you are embodying the online personality. Over all this just feels like a huge weight on your shoulders or a ball and chain on your leg. In an odd way; maybe your phone or whatever you use is home to you? It’s where you can express yourself via feelings, personality, opinions, etc. This is in no way to shame you at all. I also use social media and so does the next person, right?

There’s this need to give yourself a balance again. To double check with yourself on how you’re feeling after using social media. I feel most of you are ready to gain control of your media consumption or at least contemplate the effects it has on you. Taking a step back from social media — maybe trying out a hobby or just reconnecting to something that makes you feel like you may help.

Also if you want YouTube recommendations on over consuming let me know, I can send you the links. The number one takeaway is that it’s okay to be yourself. You being you is main character energy. No amount of products, social media influenced personality, or aesthetics can take that away from you. You are enough, I promise you that. It’s okay to want to change but if you’re feeling influenced by something that isn’t true to you then you might want to ponder on that and ask if that is really what you resonate with.

A good question to ask yourself is: What is one small step I can take today towards a goal that feels out of reach?

That’s all I’m getting for you pile 2! If you stuck around this far I’d like to say thank you so much. I greatly appreciate it and hope you resonate with this reading.

Pile 3

[ Cards: 4 of Cups, Ace of Pentacles Reversed; Five of Pentacles Reversed; Queen of Cups; 9 of Diamonds; 6 of Diamonds; Queen of Diamonds; Ace of Hearts ]

Messages; Open mind and heart; Chihiro by Billie Eilish; Money Growth; Finances; Earth and Water placements; Fear of Missing Out; Take out; Diners; Over consumption; Capitalism; Low Income; 111; Unemployment

( Tw: financial experience and control issues. Disclaimer: for some reason I feel called to talk about my financial experience and how I dealt with this. Maybe you’ll find what you’re looking for in my experience? )

So I had been unemployed for two years then found a job for 3 months then unemployed again for a year. When I tell you, I searched for a job everywhere, I mean everywhere! I applied everywhere and every time. I even tried to save what I could and budget with what I had (I live with my family and occasionally would get money. I understand/am aware of the privilege and support I have. I’m also very grateful and appreciate them)

I yelled at the universe, cried, and had sleepless nights. However, what helped me (besides living with my family) through this tough time is to focus on things I can control while applying for jobs. That’s what honestly made me stay afloat. So maybe this is what can help you during this trying time?

Finding a (free) third place meaning: the park, public library, or just a walk may help ease a bit of tension. Sometimes journaling or confiding with someone will help as well. Doing something that helps you remain in the present and eases the anxiousness could help. I know this may not be what you were looking for and I wish I can give you financial advice but that is not my forte.

There is only so much control we have when it comes to finances and it is certainly not a lesson from the universe or it’s not happening to you or happening for you. I don't care what they say, it is not a lesson! It is just an unfortunate situation to be in, it just is. Like yes you can learn from it but it is not something (pre)destined or “contract” written. It just happens and we live in late stage capitalism. That’s me being real with you.

So yeah, I’m sorry for the little tangent. What I am getting is to fill your emotional cup for the meantime. Yes, do what you need to do with your finances; finding a job or to save/budget money whatever you can do to the best of your abilities.

You just have to remember to do things that are within your control and to not neglect your emotional/mental health. If singing, drawing, talking, or simple things like cloud watching helps you stay present and makes you feel in control then by all means do that.

I’m not saying to use escapism but I am saying to do your best to emotionally check in with yourself from time to time. Also if you have a support system do talk with them or be around them. A good question to ask yourself is: “Who do I feel most myself around? Why?”

This is all that I’m getting for the reading. I hope this reading resonates. Again, I am so sorry if I made things worse or didn’t help! Please remember to check in with yourself — take care :)

[kanejbr3kker]

Okay I need to vent. This morning I saw this on my fyp:

(btw I'm choosing not to reblog the original post and instead just post screenshots because this is definitely a rant and since the creator and I clearly have different opinions, so I decided it's just better to leave them out of this)

Anyways, I saw this and I got pissed. Very very pissed. And so I spent 2 and a half hours writing a whole three page essay explaining everything wrong with this.

So here it is. (:

First of all, the Darkling does every single thing listed here for Nikolai, excluding cutting people’s fingers off, but he does commit mass murder, which I personally consider to be worse than cutting off someone’s fingers. 

Anyways, let’s first just address Nikolai’s reasons for doing each of these things and then the Darkling’s reasons for doing the same things.

Cutting the fingers off a man: Nikolai was a teenager who wanted to help his incredibly war torn country. He felt helpless, and even once he became a privateer, a lot of people still disrespected him because of his age, so he proved his ruthlessness by injuring one person, so he could help save his entire country. 

Usurping the throne: First of all, Nikolai was second in line to the throne, and after Vasily died, he would’ve been first. Also, the current king was an ignorant rapist who let the rest of the country go to waste to fuel his own luxuries. Nikolai wanted to rescue his country from war and a ruler that was doing nothing to stop hundreds of people (many of them kids) from dying in unnecessary battles.

Lying to Alina/hiding information from her: All Nikolai did was hide his identity from Alina to get her safely away from the Darkling who had just kidnapped her for the second time in less than a year. Kissed her without her consent: Okay, let’s just preface this by saying Malina was what got me hyperfixated on the Grishaverse, so seeing Nikolai kiss Alina did upset me, but he did it spread hope to the Ravkan villagers. They were also already spreading around a fake engagement, so while it was wrong, it wasn’t like he was trying to manipulate her. Nikolai was just trying to make their marriage more believable. (I’d also like to address a scene later in the book where Alina actually wants Nikolai to kiss her, and he says no, knowing that she just wants a distraction and isn’t really in love with him).

And now for why the Darkling did all the same things. 

Trying to usurp the throne: The Darkling hates the king, but not because he’s a terrible person, but because he’s ignorant and the Darkling knows he could be using the Fold to expand Ravka’s power. The Darkling usurps the throne so he can try and take over the country, not because he wants to save it.

Lying to Alina/hiding information from her: Unlike Nikolai, he wasn’t trying to protect her. The Darkling lied to Alina so she would believe that 1) he was in love with her and 2) he wanted to save Ravka. We know this isn’t true. When Nikolai lies, he does it to protect Alina, but when the Darkling lies he does it to manipulate her.

Kissed Alina without her consent: The Darkling tried to convince Alina he was in love with her so she would be easier to manipulate. Alina even says she doesn’t know how he feels about her, and that she doesn’t believe he loves her, but that she wants to be wanted by him. 

And now for everything else the Darkling does:

Mass murder: He destroyed an entire town just to prove a point. 

“Gifting” Genya to the Lantsovs, and then allowing her to be continually raped by them

for years. More than anything else, I feel like this proves just how terrible he is.

Killing his own mother: No explanation needed, that’s just awful.

Threatening to kill Mal to make sure Alina stays in line. He enslaved Alina. He put an unremovable collar around her neck that forced her to do whatever he wanted, and then promised to kill her boyfriend just in case that wasn’t enough.

Using kids as bargaining chips. Using grown people is bad enough, but kids. Sure, they’re Grisha, but they aren’t strong enough to fight back, especially after seeing their captor kill Ana Kuya, who helped care for them while they were in hiding. (Also just felt like adding that Nina was one of the students who he used as a bargaining chip. That’s honestly pretty unimportant, but if you needed another reason to hate him.)

Killing Alina’s mother figure: Again, he did this just to prove a point. He wanted to show Alina that he could hurt the people she cared about, and that was his only incentive.

So that the first 75% of my rant, but I also made the mistake of looking at the comments on that post and added a whole extra page responding to those.

Saying that the same thing can be applied to Kaz is so fucking disrespectful. Kaz is a traumatized teen. Is he violent? Yes. But he only hurts people who have hurt him, his friends, or other innocent people. Oomen nearly killed Inej, as well as the other crows, so Kaz hurt him because he cared about his friends and was mad that they were almost killed. When the Darkling kills people, it’s out of greed for power and the fact that he knows it’ll get a rise out of Alina.

And then this. Kaz calls Inej an investment because he values her. She said four words to him and chose to pay off her indenture. She ended up being not only an incredible spy, but an incredible friend as well. Kaz didn’t need to pay off her indenture, but he did because despite everything terrible that he does, he’s still a genuinely good person, and didn’t want to see a woman being exploited the way she was. An investment is something you value, which is why Kaz calls her one.

Also, Kaz makes a big point of Inej not belonging to anyone. He didn’t force her to get the Dregs tattoo, because he didn’t “want to be the one to mark her again.” He recognized that she was an independent person, and by not making her have the tattoo, he was giving her the freedom to leave Ketterdam when her indenture was paid off. Also, when Inej tells Kaz she wants to leave Ketterdam, he literally buys her a boat so she can leave. That’s not how you treat your property.

And as for the Darkling, he used Alina’s power to start a civil war. What he does is beyond redemption. The Darkling exploits and manipulates women. He abuses and assaults them to reach his own goals, most of which involve destroying the rest of the world so that Ravka stays in power. Comparing him to two kids who just do what they have to to survive is so disrespectful, and clearly you misunderstood the messages of the books if you think that Kaz and Nikolai are the same as the Darkling.

So that's my little anti-Darkling rant. I've already tortured my frienda with this, so if they didn't think I was insane before, they do now lol.

[alaskan-wallflower]

I really do hope that more evidence is coming forward soon because I do admit, the fact that both Brody and Trevor are out for the week does seem sketchy. But so does the way that all of these allegations came out. It only seems to be talked about on Instagram and Reddit and nowhere else.

that’s what i’m saying-all of this is so sketchy. maybe it’s inconvenient timing? but there’s so many things wrong with this that point me to believe it isn’t true

First off there’s so many inconsistencies within the posts. Nobody has shown any actual proof other than someone claiming they know where Brody went to college. But since I’m a bit of an ‘I need evidence’ kind of person, I figured I’d check it out. They claim he went to UF but I found nothing about him going to UF online. Second, why is it JUST Brody they’re going after? They’re claiming the cast is “full of r*pists” but they aren’t focused on anyone but Brody.

Second, you think that there would be a news outlet talking about this. I mean, rape allegations are serious and should be handled as such. So it’s weird that Instagram is the first place this all came out. The night after the Tony’s nonetheless. There was no concrete proof either. This chick just said that she ‘knew it and that everyone else did too’ when she was contacted by the actual musical themselves (at one of the producers at least)

Third off is the accuser’s response to any form of criticism. Normally in a case like this, it would make sense to show evidence when faced with criticism and skepticism and be like ‘okay, yes, this is why this happened’ and instead she doubled down and said shit like ‘oh where’s your address so I can mail you a clown suit’ and ‘everyone knows it’ without proving anything.

Fourthly Angelina Jolie is the producer of this. She stands with victims and is fairly open about it. If there was even an inkling that Brody did this don’t you think she’d fire him on the spot? There are also claims of police involvement and investigation but I’ve found no such thing. The original accuser fails to provide sourcing-which is also suspicious. You’d think she’d provide sourcing on where she gets her information but she doesn’t. You’d think she would have solid concrete evidence rather than just doubling down and saying ‘that’s what happened’. That’s the kind of shit you do when like-your sibling hits you and they’re lying about it by saying ‘oh it happened everyone knows it’ without providing solid evidence.

Fifthly, there was another post that the cast was talking about how they were gonna win best musical and everyone else could leave-you saw the video of Brody ripping his shirt off and speed changing into his tux for the Best Actor Award. There was no way he had any involvement in that at least. And secondly, I seriously don’t think any of them had time for that. I really don’t.

Sixthly, I met some of the cast when I went. They were all super nice and when they saw me with my cane they asked me if they could do the face touching thing and were perfectly okay when I said no. And from what I’ve heard Brody is like that too and asks for consent before touching a fan. Heard this from a few people.

It’s really suspicious that this all only comes to light after they won best musical. It’s more suspicious that they’re only going after Brody and nobody else. They say the cast is full of r*pists but then refuse to provide names other than Brody Grant. And there were people that were super pissed that Suffs and Hell’s kitchen didn’t win the Best Musical Award. So it could be plausible that people are trying to take them down for whatever reason. Maybe because they’re men and won. I dunno.

I’m of course not saying it didn’t happen. I was SA’ed when I was younger by my late grandfather. I know how hard it is to want to come forward about these things. But it’s extremely sketchy the way these things played out. I do admit that Brody taking a step back is awfully suspicious too. But I don’t have insight on that and I don’t feel like stalking this poor man’s whereabouts. He could be taking a break-I mean, it’s been a few months. He could be on vacation. Who knows? And there have been many, many times that people have lied about rape for clout. Like the Kwite situation a few years back. Now am I saying this didn’t happen? No. No Im not. Am I saying this is extraordinarily sketchy and that there’s no solid evidence this girl provided? Yes. Yes I am.

I’m not saying anyone did or didn’t do anything until it’s been proven by an actual news source and not some girl on IG. But if these allegations are true, of course I hope Brody gets fired and serves prison time for what he’s done. If not, I hope her IG account gets taken down and she serves time. Accusing an innocent person of r*pe should be just as illegal as the crime they’re being accused of. That could ruin someone’s whole life.

This whole thing is sketchy. That’s where I’ll leave it.

[EDIT] I’ve been looking into it. It’s not uncommon for actors to take breaks after the Tony Awards. I don’t blame him for taking a break. I can’t say much about Trevor though. Apparently Shoshana Bean is taking a break too.

[hazelnut-u-out]

Ahoy! I’m here to talk about the scene in ‘Unmortricken’ again because it’s one of those that pops into my head at 3am.

Another thing I think really adds a layer of depth to C-137’s character and his dynamic with Prime in this scene are their facial expressions, body language, and how they pair with the dialogue choices.

Despite C-137’s lack of dialogue, there are three moments where his resolve breaks and he lets out animalistic shouts/surges in his attack.

1.) ‘I showed you infinity.’

It makes me wonder what about this statement is special. Is infinity equivalent to nothing when you have access to it? Is ‘infinity’ an absurd understatement of what Prime introduced him to?

2.) ‘Raise echoes of my daughter?’

I’m sure we get what this one’s about… Ouch. Reminds me of the Diane AI’s dialogue.

3.) ‘Admit it. You would’ve been me.’

I think this hit a little too close to home. I think C-137 likes to believe this isn’t true, but he’ll never know for sure. There’s no way to ‘prove’ him wrong. That’s probably what haunts him the most.

He very deliberately doesn’t tell Prime how much the death of his family destroyed him. This moment was about Prime knowing C-137 beat him. This moment was about Prime being afraid, not C-137’s grief or rage.

You can see his facial expression change each time Prime strikes a particular chord:

Super subtle, but it’s there. You can see him get angry that Prime dared to mention Morty, but he holds back. He listens until it’s about Beth.

Hmm… Thematic much? Or just a cosmetic connection my mind mistakes for thematic? *ba dum tsss*

Prime laughed until the end, but there are moments you can see him flinch, bite back pain, or dissolve into desperate anger in spite of his giddy/amused mask.

I feel like he even checks to see if Rick saw him wince here.

But… What’s Prime’s motivation if he’s talking to a ‘lesser Rick’? Why waste the energy on trying to hit a nerve or prod for a reaction if he doesn’t care at all?

He gets off on knowing there are infinite Ricks out to get him, and none of them can. He gets off on making them kill each other. Prime is a man of theatrics and grand display, but I don’t think that’s because he’s actually a nihilistic arrogant asshole. I think it’s because he feeds off of the reactions he elicits. He’s so fragile that he needs that acknowledgment of his power to feel powerful, and he needs to feel powerful to be whole.

At the end of the day, Prime has to confront that none of these Ricks are hunting him as much for their hatred of him as they are for their grief of Diane. She’s what they’ll remember. She still has control.

Take a look at the symbolism in his lair. He literally lives in Diane’s shadow.

Somehow, Diane must have bruised his ego.

I’d wager that’s why he erased her. Now, for the big question: Was that because he’s a classic misogynistic abuser whose ego can’t handle a woman with agency, or was it because someone chose her over him?

I know which I’d prefer to see. 🤷

[thatbadadvice]

Help! My Girlfriend Didn't Appreciate The Awesome Present I Gave her

Dear Prudence, Slate, 9 January 2023:

Dear Prudence, 

My girlfriend thinks I’m trying to undermine her. How do I prove to her I’m not? My girlfriend “Katie” (33F) and I (30M) have been dating for three months, and so far it had been going very well. I even thought we could become very serious. However, something has changed, and I’m worried that she’s getting cold feet.

This all started a few days ago, when my parents dropped by my place to chat. Katie was in the kitchen, making the two of us dinner. My parents and Katie have met a couple of times before, and they seem to get along. Additionally, Katie’s normally very calm and easygoing. However, when my mom walked into the kitchen to help out, Katie seemed to become irritated. She said that she “prefers to cook alone,” and when my mom grabbed a knife and some carrots and started to chop them up for her, Katie asked her not to cut them because they have to be cut “a certain way.” Katie told my mom that she didn’t want help and demanded that she go back into the living room area.

I’d never seen Katie this upset, and I wasn’t happy with how she treated my mom. When my mom left the kitchen, I hugged her and said, “Sorry about that.” I asked Katie what was going on and she said nothing, but at the time, I was alarmed and suspicious. Later that evening, I had to get some groceries, and while I was at the supermarket, I decided to pick up some Midol as a nice gesture. I didn’t know if Katie was on her period, but knowing that she isn’t normally this irritable, it seemed possible to me and if she was, she might appreciate the gift. When I got back, Katie was watching the World Cup, and I silently placed the Midol on top of her bag. Katie gave me a weird look and asked why I had bought her Midol, and I said it was because of how she had acted with my mother earlier.

Katie did not like this explanation. She said she was annoyed because she didn’t want someone interfering with her cooking, not because she was on her period. She said it made her think that I don’t take her feelings seriously and am trying to “undermine the legitimacy of her emotions.” I explained that this wasn’t true, but I don’t know if she believed me. I think the damage might have been done. How can I salvage the relationship and win back Katie’s trust? — Midol Mishap

Dear Midol Mishap,

Does Katie usually have a problem with self-soothing, or does it mostly happen during meals where people enter her space uninvited and intentionally disregard her stated preferences when she tends to act out like this? Does bedtime/bathtime usually go okay? Can you drop her off at the office without tears and a tantrum? Figuring out the answer to this question will reveal the extent to which this relationship can be salvaged, but I think you're in for an uphill battle if silently leaving a box of bitch pills on a woman's purse doesn't have her running back into your arms with relief and appreciation for the thoughtful care you showed her while she was being a real cunt.

Usually women appreciate being told that their emotions are wrong, and welcome thoughtful explanations from men about how the things they have felt and experienced are incorrect due to being incongruent with a man's feelings and experiences. But some women, and it sounds like Katie might be one of them, lack the self-awareness necessary to recognize that the things they believe they think they interpret as being insulting, disrespectful, and patronizing are not that way because some dude somewhere said so.

It might be worth opening up a dialogue with your mother about how to handle Katie; I don't mean to suggest that all women are the same (that would be sexist, yikes!) but you have both experienced what it is like to be under the thumb of someone as cruel and controlling as Katie, and you may be able to offer each other some comfort while you figure out how to get the woman you've been fucking for three months back on the right path, in terms of her behavior and emotional regulation. Meds are a great start — Midol is an absolute miracle drug for shutting down an ungrateful cow — but you can't just crush it up over Katie's ice cream every night.

The right solution is going to necessarily involve some effort on Katie's part to tell you only what you want to hear and agree with everything you say, and she might just not be mature enough to do that kind of hard internal work right now. A lot of people wouldn't — they'd say they have a right to assert boundaries, be taken seriously as full human beings, and not have their legitimate concerns belittled as mere hormonal hysterics of an unstable female — but it's possible Katie is capable of real change. The next time she has one of her little episodes, try using a little babydoll to coax Katie into seeing what a silly little monkey she's being when she rejects the precious opportunity to bond with your sweet mama by letting her do whatever she wants no matter what. Katie could speak directly to the doll about how she believes she thinks feels until she's ready to express the emotions you want her to have.

If you try this, you might want to wait until after dinner, when the knives are put away, just in case. Best of luck, dear boy!

[musicalmoritz]

this gonna be a weird question but ever since i have know Aoinene. I have always found a consistent theme of Aoi being a lesbian. While it cool, interesting and all, it hard to found anything canonically to use to prove the interpretation beyond "it just a vibe" . It doesnt interfer with the shipping experience but it still an interesting HC that i would love to found some canon material to build on.

I’m so glad you asked this, I’ve been trying to find a way to talk about my feelings on the lesbian Aoi headcanon for a while now. I’ve written it in my own fics a lot but I have some issues with the way people treat it so I’d like to make this a more nuanced discussion

First off, where does it come from? To answer that question you have to keep in mind that as the manga chapters were being released, fans had no idea where AidaIro planned to go with Aoi and Akane’s relationship beyond what they could infer. While it seems obvious in hindsight that Aoi always liked Akane, a lot of lesbian readers overlooked those hints because they were able to relate to being pursued by a relentless man that they didn’t want. They found comfort in Aoi’s character because her perceived disinterest in Akane was something they could connect to their own experiences with their male best friends falling for them

Then we have this scene, which is a whole rollercoaster in and of itself. At this point in the manga, fans didn’t know Aoi was faking her personality. She only existed as Nene’s popular best friend, the girl with the rumors. And, of course, the girl who kept rejecting Akane. Aoi and Nene seemed to have a very close friendship, so when this scene came out, many readers jumped to the conclusion that Aoi planned to confess to Nene. This, coupled with her constant rejection of Akane, led many fans to believe Aoi was a lesbian. Not just as a cool headcanon, but as an actual theory. To this day some fans still call her queercoded, and that’s where I have a bit of an issue with the headcanon

Because, despite all of this, Aoi isn’t a lesbian in canon. She’s not even coded to be one. In fact her and Akane’s characters aren’t able to develop without each other. Some fans chalk this up to bad writing or lesbiphobia, stating that Aoi never showed interest in Akane up until chapter 69, but this simply isn’t true. There were numerous hints that Aoi liked Akane back, since his feelings for her were first introduced. She’s shown to be absolutely devastated at the possibility of him dating someone else, and in the Clock Keepers arc we see that she’s been encouraging his pursuit of her this whole time. Fans may not like them, but it’s impossible to deny they’ve been set up since the beginning of the manga- on both sides

However, if you were to call Aoi sapphic coded/bi coded in canon, you wouldn’t be far off. In the Hanako-Kun Of Magic au, Mei fell in love with Aoi through a spell. After the spell wore off, they were confirmed to still hang out. They hang out so frequently, that it makes Mei’s little sister jealous because Aoi is stealing all her attention

It wouldn’t be a reach to assume they’re dating in this au, which would make Aoi bi or bi-coded in canon (though it’s very up to interpretation so I wouldn’t say she’s as strongly bi-coded as Kou or even Nene). It rubs me the wrong way when people discuss her potential queercoding and entirely ignore her feelings for Akane just because they don’t like the ship, it feels biphobic. It’s also been implied that Aoi has liked men (or people in general) other than Akane, he joins school clubs based on whoever her current type is

Canon aside though, I’d like to talk about why people like the lesbian Aoi headcanon. Namely, why I still like it in fanon despite feeling that it has a very weak basis in canon. Because for some fans, Aoi’s true personality reveal only made their love of the lesbian Aoi headcanon stronger

Remember how I said fans overlooked Aoi’s feelings for Akane because they projected onto her? I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with that as long as they aren’t bringing their bias into analyses. I’ve read many Aoi queercoding analyses where the creator completely ignores Aoi’s attraction to men in canon due to their own projection, and I hate to say it but that is a bad way to analyze. I’ve mentioned before that I strongly relate to Nene’s shallow crushes on men because they remind me of my own experiences with comphet, but I would never call Nene lesbian coded because that would ignore her entire arc with Hanako. Project onto characters all you want but leave that out of your analyses

Anyways, the reveal that Aoi had been faking her personality only gave the lesbian Aoi headcanon more fuel. At this point in the manga, fans were already fully convinced that Aoi was a lesbian…so to find out the pretty popular girl was hiding her true self from the world?? I mean that sounds queercoded as hell. And I won’t lie, I relate to that a lot too. The need to hide who you really are is a nearly universal queer experience, so pretty much any character that has that storyline is going to hit home for a lot of queer readers. That same trope also plays into Mitsuba’s queercoding, so yeah. Despite all the romance stuff with Akane that happened in those chapters, the big takeaway for lesbian Aoi truthers was that Aoi had been hiding a part of herself that the world would shame her for

This is furthered by her relationship with femininity. Aoi plays the role of the ideal popular girl, a common archetype in media. These girls are feminine, passive, kind, humble, and all the boys love them. That is the image Aoi presents to the rest of the school. However, the real Aoi is nothing like that. I wouldn’t go as far as to call her masculine, but she doesn’t act like the poster child for femininity when she’s being her true self. She’s bitter, arrogant, spiteful, and she only really cares about two people. Lesbians tend to have a very complicated relationship with femininity, because heteronormativity asserts that the defining trait of being a woman is your relationship to a man. As a woman, you are someone’s wife, daughter, mother, sister. So when a woman has no interest in men, she loses a core part of her “femininity.” Some lesbians choose to embrace this, they have no interest in femininity so they perform whatever gender presentation they want. Other lesbians reclaim femininity as something defined by themselves, not society. So when lesbians see a character faking her personality to conform to the societal expectations for her gender…oops she’s one of us now lol. This is also why the transmasc Aoi headcanon is popular, though I won’t be getting into that today

There are more simplistic reasons people like the lesbian Aoi headcanon. It fits a trope, the popular girl who’s pressured to be perfect is secretly a lesbian. Then she falls for her fun and quirky bisexual best friend. Unfortunately this is where the headcanon gets very boiled down, people want Aoi to be something that she’s not in canon. They want her to be a trope rather than her own, unique character. The aesthetic girlboss lesbian. She hates Akane and has a huge crush on Nene, maybe some mommy issues and that’s all there is to her. I don’t like these type of headcanons very much, they reduce queerness to an aesthetic rather than an experience. As I mentioned, the lesbian Aoi headcanon does have potential for fanon content, but some fans sadly reduce it to a stereotype

I’ve written both bisexual and lesbian Aoi, and I think they both have their perks. Lesbian Aoi requires a bit of stretching/rewriting of canon, which can be fun but it has to be handled very carefully. Otherwise you get fics that villainize Akane and ignore Aoi and Nene’s complexities. It’s perfectly fine to project onto a character and headcanon them a certain way for comfort, but in terms of characterization I would recommend people try to look past those biases when they’re writing analyses. Fanfic is a bit different bcuz that depends on whether or not you’re trying to stay in character lol, this might be controversial but some writers just don’t care and that’s fine too. They’re just writing it for fun, it doesn’t have to be that serious. Still, I would like to see more fics that keep Aoi and Nene closer to canon (they absolutely exist dw)

The reason I hesitated for so long to address this headcanon is because I wanted to find a way to talk about it sensitively. Queer fans, especially lesbians, already get a lot of flack for their headcanons and I didn’t want to make it seem like I was invalidating anyone’s experiences. If the lesbian Aoi headcanon brings you comfort then, yes, Aoi can absolutely be a lesbian. Fandom is about fan enjoyment, not authorial intent, so headcanon the characters however you want. Just don’t push those headcanons into others, and try to at least be aware of what’s going on in canon. And again, don’t write an analysis if you’re going to be biased. A better way to do it would be something like “I recognize that AidaIro didn’t go this route but it would’ve been interesting if they made Aoi a lesbian.” An analysis like that might have some weight to it!! Aoi and Akane are a super cute ship, but another straight relationship is nothing revolutionary in fiction. However, canon lesbians in a shonen series?? That’s something you don’t see every day. People have valid reasons for wishing Aoi had been written differently, I just wish they would accept that she didn’t get written that way rather than ignoring canon

Sorry if this isn’t what you were expecting, I hope I explained all sides of the headcanon well enough. Tbh a lot of it is just “vibes” but once you look past the surface, it goes a lot deeper. I also want to clarify that Aoi faking her personality reading as queercoding could absolutely work with her being bi too, bisexuals also have to hide a part of themselves and that’s something other lgbtq+ individuals often overlook. The reason it reads specifically as lesbian coding to some fans is because of her projection of femininity being fake so, by extension, her encouragement of the men who pursue her must be too. That’s obviously not canon but some fans believe it would’ve been a cool route to go. Okay that’s it I think I covered everything lol

Thanks again for the ask, I’m glad I finally got the opportunity to talk abt this <3

[pixelephant]

ok long ass paragraphs of nuance time

so i totally get why watcher has made this decision, running a creative business on youtube is difficult because algorithms are fickle and views are SO obviously geared towards just when shane and ryan specifically are in content. they can’t branch out into new ventures and cast members and ideas without taking a huge monetary risk of if people will actually watch the damn thing. so streaming gives them that opportunity because no matter the viewership, they still get that income.

but on the other hand, the lack of diversified content is exactly why im hesitant to pay money for the service. there’s just not much there outside of shane and ryan led shows. don’t get me wrong, love their stuff! but if i’m paying for a service, i’d prefer it to be something i can go to for a variety of things.

it’s a catch 22 imo, can’t diversify without the money, can’t get the money without the content they know gets them the views, and so it goes back and forth ad nauseam. personally, i can’t see myself immediately paying for it, but maybe in a few months time when they have that freedom to actually change up their roster i’d be more interested

okay shifting gears, not to be the guy that compares this to rooster teeth and dropout but im gonna be because people are picking one or the other to support their own argument and its bothering me. "rooster teeth proved this method doesn't work!" not true, they shut down because they were owned by warner brothers, a big media conglomerate that doesn’t care about restructuring something to make it work, only dollar signs (while also not exactly being well known for being the best at handling their money). i still think rt could’ve continued to exist in a different capacity if they had never sold to wb (and didn’t have so many scandals) but i guess we’ll never know.

“dropout proves that this system works!” also not true they offer VERY different kinds of content (game shows, story based stuff like d20, pure improve comedy, etc.) from what watcher is doing, they are not a one to one. also as good as they’re doing now, they’re still kind of recovering from the verge of bankruptcy, trying things out, seeing what works. the system itself is not a guarantee for success.

all this to say i get why some people hate this decision. it’s yet another subscription based service to pay for in a media landscape that is frankly too rife with them. it makes things once free now costly. it puts exciting content behind a paywall that some people genuinely cannot afford.

but the people making the exciting content need stable jobs. the company needs a consistent cash flow to be able to pay their employees and continue making cool and interesting things. they can’t rely on the fickleness of youtube views, algorithm changes, and third party sponsorships at the pace they’re going (which is also part of the problem, they grew to fast and honestly set too high a standard of content from the jump for how early into the company they are but hey let’s not go on yet another tangent).

i think the announcement as a whole could’ve been more successful if it wasn’t hyped up ahead of time and/or if it was a more gradual shift to paid shows than a ripping of the bandaid. i also think essentially saying anyone can afford it for $5/month is a bit insensitive so now people are just grasping onto that instead of discussing the reasons for the change. but saying, “a majority of your audience is broke college students this isn’t the move!” isn’t gonna help or change their decision. i’m sorry but they don’t care. companies are not your friends.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hi Raven!!! I wanted to ask if we know anything about the Kingscholar parents? Was thinking about how Idia’s parents ended up being lvoing people even though Idia described them as being cold. I’m going to assume that is true abd it isn’t Ortho’s dream until the next update proves us right or wrong. Like Idia do you think Leona maybe describes his parents as being bad but the parents are actually kind and understanding?

[Referencing this post and this post!]

I believe all we know about the Kingscholar parents is that Mr. Kingscholar is ill, so Falena has assumed the kingly responsibilities in his place. To my knowledge, there have been no prominent mentions of Mrs. Kingscholar or what she is/was like. We haven’t heard about what the relationship between Falena and Leona and their parents is like either.

So… there’s really not enough information to really indicate whether Mr. Kingscholar is a loving father or not. We don’t even know what his ruling style is like or what his personality is like. There is no such information to draw on; I’m not counting Leona’s attitude here as “proof” of anything because (as we can see with Idia), 1) when someone is already in a bad mental state, it can be easy for them to see and portray everything negatively (as we see with Leona talking about Falena’s positive traits such as his love for his family as signs of naivety or poor leadership), and 2) lack of parental presence in a post-OB flashback does not automatically mean the parent is distant or cruel; it could just mean the parent does not play a significant role in the character’s trauma. (This point is, as the Anon says, somewhat reliant on the Shroud parents’ depiction being real and not “it’s just Ortho’s dream” theory.)

If I had to make a really broad guess, I’d think that Papa Kingscholar was usually too busy with royal duties and dealing with his health to be able to be with his sons? It’s similar to how even though Maleficia cares about Malleus, her responsibilities as queen kept her from spending quality time with him. And with Leona left to the harsh gossiping and critique of the servants, well… yeah 😔 At least we know that Falena and Cheka care for Leona and try to be present for him; it’s important to have a strong circle of support to prop you up!

[zecretsanta]

to: @goggles-girl

from: @mortellanarts

prompt: Junpei and Akane decide to adopt a pet together (and it doesn’t come as naturally as they would like at first)

I also made a fic for this one! I feel like the first thing that would go wrong is that Akane wouldn’t be comfortable taking care of animals again at all, the second would be that Junpei’s canonically an impulse adopter. So this ended up being more about getting Akane to come around about the idea in the first place (also many catgirl jokes at her expense lmao) Also about the drawing I imagine she quickly comes around to enjoying the little head boops while reading :3

Hope you enjoy!

——————

Junpei and Akane had gone through hell to be by each other’s sides. That was true, sure, but a few years into their ‘happy ending’ and the picture perfect act has begun to feel rather unsustainable. Not to mention it should have long since stopped being an act to begin with.

The I love you’s are very real… when they are apart.

It’s not as bad as when they first reunited at least, it wasn’t a very fun sort of tension like she vicariously lived through a little by playing June all that time ago. No, it was more comparable to the tension between a bleeding wound and the injured hand applying pressure to it. They both knew it, felt it, then let the matter join the many subjects which they don’t talk about. Ever. Despite the fact that they probably should.

As counterintuitive as it sounds, their counter to all of that was wanting to be with each other as much as possible. Maybe that’d make the pain fade. To get to know each other better like any normal couple, maybe a bit to prove to themselves they still liked each other’s company and that they hadn’t changed completely from what brought them together as kids.

Big problem with that is, the farthest thing Akane wanted for any of those outings, especially the rare ones where she was somehow convinced into going outdoors, was for it to so closely remind her of any of the things that brought them closer together at that terrible tender age of twelve.

Wandering into an animal shelter wasn’t the intention behind this little stroll. Neither of them even knew it’d be here- really, it wasn’t even much of a proper shelter to begin with, it seems more like an adoption fair. One that was hopefully backed by an indisputably good-faith, locally known and reliable organization– and not by any other corporate entity with history that she’d be tempted to add to her criminal record over. Every time Junpei tells her that the ever-present instinct to suspect and look into every little thing she comes across is bad for her he also fumbles and asks what are the chances she’d just happen to bump into that kind of huge conspiracy so often in her life without actively looking. She answers it’s always a non-zero chance in the end, and they risk far more if unsuspecting. That’s always when he drops the subject.

Though at a certain awkward distance from the fences, she’d elected to just go along with it and follow him for as long as the detour entertains him. It’s not like she hates getting to see the little critters around the place, she’s not that messed up about it, of course not… There’s even a comfortable amount of people around too! Which is to say, far less than there are animals.

There would have been an attempt to just keep walking past where this was taking place, if not for the fact that it really hadn’t taken long for Junpei to start playing with one of the dogs. Not that the rest of the pack wasn’t jumping at trying to grab his attention too, of course, but he took a liking to a particular one.

Noticing she’d stayed behind, barely budging an inch, his voice turns into that clumsy but cute stammering, like it always does whenever he’s trying to sound sensible.

“Oh uh, do you- uh… do you have a fear of dogs?” It helps ease her into a grin just a little.

“No. ‘Afraid’ isn’t the word I’d use…” She just doesn’t know what to do with her hands at the moment other than hold onto Junpei’s, which wasn’t helped when he suddenly let go. And well, it’s not like she knows the temperament of the animals just by looking and it’s really a lot of sudden movements to keep track of in just one place, it’s also not like she would want to risk bothering them when she barely wants to be touched ever without initiating it either, not to mention the space they’re in seems quite small– she makes herself smile again and tilts her head squinting, realizing she’d forgotten to ask. “Is… that a Boston terrier?”

“…Got it. Well, you are more of a cat person I guess. And uh- I don’t know? If you say so, then it must be? I’m not really good at remembering the names for these.”

She steps closer and leans down next to him, who is just sitting on the floor without a care, palms on her knees for support.

"It’s not like I hate pups just because I get along better with the cats.”

"Of course not, just look at them. Aw… it’s hard to imagine anyone could hate these guys.”

Avoidant as she may be, after a solid half minute or so of her watching him have fun she also extends her hand out to pet the dog who, while not showing clear distaste for it or anything, only goes back to wagging its tail when circling back to Junpei. He quickly took over once more when she retracted her hand, vigorously pulling his hands along the fur around the collar and talking to it in a jumbled baby-talk that was apparently really enriching judging by how it earns enthusiastic barking back, as if in conversation. Exactly matching all that energy that Akane couldn’t imagine keeping up with even on a good day.

Between laughter, his voice starts being directed at her again, even if what he says is more of a musing to himself.

"Wait, I think I’m beginning to remember what this little guy reminds me of…”

Oh. Only now? Come on Jumpy, this one’s even black and white as well.

That’s it, she’s got to mess with him now.

"You mean like… a wrestler? The spots on its face already look like a mask but I’m sure a fun little costume would be a really cute look. Clover could DIY a big belt spelling out ‘winner’ for them as well! Unless- or was it a retired wrestler…?”

"No- what are you talking about?! Everything that you just said was absolutely bananas–” Even if his tone poorly feigns appalment there’s humor in it too. "I mean- what’s wrestling got to do with anything, what the hell–?”

"You mean you don’t know?”

It was just ‘bananas’ enough to pull his eyes away from the dog and, apparently, being met with her expression looking down at him while knowingly and visibly holding in laughter, was all it took for it to finally dawn on him.

"Ohh— ” She starts laughing before he facepalms and, from the sound of it, he hits far harder than intended too. Pulling her partner to his feet by hooking her arm under his, she speaks cheerily only once he seems to have recovered enough.

"You shouldn’t touch your face without washing your hands first.”

"Come on, give a guy a moment, okay? This is an overwhelming amount of emotion to feel all at once…” It’s endearing to see him engage in his own variety of theatrics, even if only for the sake of unfunny jokes that she can’t help but be fond of anyways.

"Dork.”

"But hey, you’re right. It would be pretty funny to give him a little wrestler costume… You sure there’s no place for him back home?”

Home as a single stationary place still sounds so foreign to her, and that’s just the part she doesn’t want to talk about.

"We’re here just looking.”

"You say that as if I were a stranger asking and not part of the we in question.”

"Very well. I did not intend on being here today and I won’t indulge in what’s essentially impulse buying a living being, Jumpy.”

"Come on Kanny, what could go wrong? I mean, we’ve got space, we’ve got more than enough funds, I think it would be–”

”What could go wrong?” Sometimes it’s hard to tell if he’s being dense on purpose. “Do you really need me to say it?”

"I… thought you liked animals?”

And with that, it’s finally safe to assume Junpei’s chances of getting his tact back are long gone. Not that she thinks he ever had any to lose.

Flat shoes walk away into the fair, but that’s only because the best way out is through. Akane gets pretty far in before Junpei decides to stop dancing around the subject and puts himself square in front of her, blocking the way.

"Look, I never heard of a single other person who had luck as shitty as we did that summer. Alright? It wasn’t a subject I looked into much but even hearing from people in law enforcement it was a freakish animal cruelty incident that doesn’t happen often. That whole area had issues with that sort of thing anyw–”

"I never heard of luck as poor as I was left with that whole entire year.”

"Y-yeah, there’s that-” When they do bring up a subject that should be buried, there’s not much to do except measure the reaction. That’s what’s between them, if they can’t look away then it better mean something at least. "And… I wasn’t there to help at first, but I came around eventually. I won’t let something like that happen again.”

It’s sweet, he even holds her hand in his… but it’s still a little conceited.

"What makes you think I would?”

"Perfect! Then, we’re both in agreement. There’s nothing bad that could possibly happen and we can totally bring one of these guys home uh… if you two click?”

"Excuse me? At which point did we agree?”

"It doesn’t have to be permanent, these kinds of places do all sorts of trial runs, foster–”

"That’s just cruel.”

"Well, but it doesn’t have to be. I’m sure the little fella will love us and we’ll end up keeping them.”

"What if I don’t want to get attached to a creature with hardly a sixth of a human lifespan?”

"Did you want to uh, take a look at the cats since that’s more comfortable for you?

"Junpei.” None of this is comfortable.

"Okay, okay.” He puts his hands up in a mock gesture of surrender… before plunging into his pocket and pulling out his phone for some reason. ”… Here goes a last ditch effort…”

“What are you doing now?”

"Hey man, can you help me convince your sister of something?”

Before she can even begin to reprimand him he’s clicking his tongue and dialing up again. When Aoi picks up again she can hear even from the arm’s length she’s being kept at.

"Whatever this is about, what makes you think I could possibly be on your side instead of hers?!”

"I don’t! Just hear me out, okay- gimme a second.” He opens the video option in the call and turns the phone in her direction. He has a mildly confused look urging her to explain the situation but it’s a few moments until she says anything, because Junpei has a stupid grin on his face and they both know he might win this.

”…Junpei wants a pet. And we happened to walk into a kennel. Cattery–”

“Adoption fair.”

"And he’s being really stubborn.”

Takes a second for her brother to process the absolute nonanswer he comes up with.

"Oh.”

"Oh?”

"There are worse arguments you could be having out there.” Though Junpei wouldn’t be the one pulling him into those. "Guessing that wasn’t on your itinerary?”

"You think? Why am I not hearing you antagonize him anymore?”

"I mean, I think it could be good for you? You used to beg me for one all the time- until I said Santa couldn’t send animals in boxes with little holes poked in them for air like in the movies.”

She yanks the phone out of Junpei’s hand and turns off the video before putting it up to her ear, looking almost embarrassed.

"Aoi.”

"You’re right, you’re right– it’s a ton of responsibility. Wouldn’t be trying to convince you sis, I’m just saying–”

"You think that’s the part I’d take issue with??”

Akane takes off, pacing away from Junpei, wanting some distance at least if not privacy to continue one of the silliest sibling squabbles in recent memory. Which is completely fine by him, there’s plenty to do while she talks herself into it just to prove a point.

After a few minutes, Akane’s standing next to Junpei again. Turns off the phone and extends her arm out for him to take it without looking at him, pouty like a child while Junpei’s looking smug. This is like the first marital dispute he’s won.

”…Only if we come across one I feel is a good fit.”

“I’ll take that.”

Aoi and Light had recently gotten a cat of their own, though insistently not as a couple, Akane doesn’t really understand what her brother’s love life is like (and she’s grateful to be spared of the details) but they have something going on, why else would he move in with them after she decided to move in together with Junpei? Actually, she might have heard him mention that one of Clover’s coworkers found the little calico abandoned and she offered to take it in, so really it wasn’t even like it was his responsibility any more than the Field’s by a long shot but still… he was so happy over it, which used to be such a rare sight, that Akane found it hard to be a buzzkill about it by voicing what came to her mind.

In truth, it wasn’t just the rabbit hutch thing giving her pause. Aside from the obvious glaring reason for her to be hesitant to hold such a tiny creature in her arms, despite her love for them, she just didn’t think she knew how anymore. At this point she’s more used to stuffed animals, not that she kept many of those around either.

While they visited recently, she sat very stiltedly holding the feline in her lap, her brother went from gushing about it to joking about already having experience looking after a weird ‘kit cat’ his whole life. After she complained Junpei followed up on it by sneakily referring to her as ‘kitten’, just that once, and even if by some metric seeing them getting along was cute she’d have kicked them both if not for the purring fluff ball snoozing on top of her thighs. This was far more anxiety inducing than a plush, she noted, and it only became more evident each fleeting second, each motion coiling for breath she felt against her skin. It was so precious and so easy to ruin and her hands were too singed to hold it. The fact her body deeply rejects such simple gentleness despite it having come so easily to her once is a mourning unto itself.

Most of the cats they see around are cozily lazing about, some snuggling together, staring back at them curiously at most. She could genuinely smile at that. It’s calmer with none of them seeming in the mood for interaction at the moment. They slow their pace now that Akane is actually participating, the unexpected unexpectedness of the situation no longer weighing her down as much.

Though it was still a bit much, so they sat together by a bench for her to rest a little. It wasn’t far at all, it’s right behind one of the cat houses in fact just where it starts leading away from the event.

She’s so completely lost in thought that she’s surprised to hear a small high pitched gasp before even realizing it was a sound she herself had made. Then looking down at her leg she understands why.

A little black cat scratched at her leg, accidentally, it looked more like the tiny little fuzz ball was attempting to climb her leg. Well, technically not black, she notices the fur is a dark grayish color with tons of off-color patches when she gets a better look and she only gets that better look because it succeeds at its task. At which point she has to attempt to scoop the very tiny cat with both hands so it’s not at risk from falling back down. Only stopping its determined meowing when he settles on her lap.

"Why do they always choose you?”

"Because I don’t try chasing after them like they’re dogs, Junpei.”

"Hey, that’s not something I’ve done since I’ve grown up, okay? Well- except–”

"If you say I’m the exception, I swear–”

"Okay! So, where did this little fella come from?”

"I didn’t see…” She leans in and rubs behind the cat’s ears, earning a soft little purr of gratitude. The fur really is weirdly patched when you look close, it doesn’t feel like the coloration should be that way, the texture’s also a bit different. Wait, are the eyes not open yet? Or is one–

It isn’t long before an employee? Volunteer? A lady in a friendly colored vest comes to gently whisk away the culprit, she seems young and a bit anxious to have to talk to them.

"Oogh, I’m so sorry ma'am, are you okay? These little nails didn’t do a number on you, right?”

Akane gets on her feet to more steadily help the kitten trade hands.

“Oh, oh no, I’m perfectly fine. Really, I could barely feel it. Thank you.”

“That’s good.”

And that’s where the interaction would have ended if Junpei didn’t also get up.

"Hi, I’m with her. So, how come he’s popped up all the way over here?”

"You see this guy’s a little escape artist– every time there’s people around he tries to hide away from visitors by sneaking out into the desk with us, so… then why today did he decide to bother such a nice couple instead? What’s up with you?”

The cat is still trying to climb out back to where it was a minute ago, which the volunteer seems to know how to handle, though it’s funny to see it go from her arm to her shoulder then back to the other arm. A lot of effort is going into making sure he doesn’t throw himself on the ground. Junpei waits for a moment where the pace’s slowed down a bit to also try to pet him, seems to like him too.

“Aww, I think that’s a really good fit, actually. What’s his name?”

“Oh we don’t know actually, this friend was found without a nameplate. He’s made a name for himself but it’s not been that long at all since he’s been with us, we haven’t agreed on a name yet since he’s been back from the vet. Wait, did you say you two were interested?”

He looks at Akane for her to answer. She looks back with what doesn’t seem to be a look of aggression to the general onlooker, but they know he’s putting her on the spot like this so she won’t be backhanded about agreeing.

"Well, yes. If possible, I mean- isn’t the saying that the pet chooses the owner and not the other way around? We sure sound like we’ll get along, we both aren’t super sociable either–”

The awkward little laugh got to Junpei, who’s more comfortable with failing at humor in front of strangers than she is to even attempt it.

"He must have thought ‘oh these guys are off by themselves away from everyone too, we’ll get along great!’”

That’s just silly enough that she can look at him funny behind crossed arms and it’ll be an entirely appropriate reaction. She can only hope that’s the only thing that he sensed in them.

The kitten settled into a nap on the volunteer’s arms by now, tired himself out. Really is an adorable sight.

"That’s just great! One of you just has to come fill up a questionnaire at the table and a few more things, we can sort out real quick- uhm… I guess I should- oh right! So, like I was saying, this fella may come with extra expenses due to health complications, is that okay with you? Are you new pet owners?”

"The issue isn’t money…” “We are? New to it- kind of…”

“Oh, don’t worry too much. He’s all healthy now, neutered and the vaccinations all in order too, it’s just… it’s a little bit of a hard sell to some people since he needed stitches and lost an eye so he’s always going to be a bit wobblier than average when moving around.”

"A-ah… why is that?”

Akane’s hand suddenly has a vice grip on his. For once, the resolve in her voice is undeliberate, shaky.

"We don’t need to hear the story.” She turns away from the volunteer and her voice turns small so only her partner hears. “Can you go take care of all that? I’ll go get my brother to help get things in order before they go do a housecheck, if they’ll do one.”

"There’s not much there to cat proof I don’t think, but sure. Guess you’d- uh, have a better eye for that stuff… Also let me guess, you want me to tell you when that is happening so you can go to his place while there’s strangers over?” A smile confirms that. "Alright. But I’ll check in with Clover too to make sure you two aren’t skipping town instead.” Another smile, more mischievous this time.

"Oh no, my plan’s been found out.” First off, if she really intended on making an exit she wouldn’t bring it up to him first, duh, as if she were an amateur. Second, maybe this line of teasing can get far too draining, far too quick, so she changes the subject one last time. "Tell me your name ideas when I get back.”

She places a kiss on his cheek and saunters off. Does she wish she didn’t get shoved into bringing painful color back into a memory that had just barely grayed and numbed?

Yes.

But she wouldn’t have been convinced if she didn’t genuinely think they were capable of giving it a try. Maybe any place they stay at together will feel more like a home when there’s someone living there with them that isn’t walking on eggshells, that is just uncomplicatedly happy to have survived whatever it did before it ended up there. Maybe she’ll learn to do that as well. Things already are complicated enough.

[not-wholly-unheroic]

Thoughts on Off to Neverland: 70 Years of Disney’s Peter Pan by Jim Korkis

Now that I have finished reading Off to Neverland, I’d like to share some thoughts on it—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Let’s start with the negatives and get that out of the way, shall we?

As mentioned in a previous post, the book starts out sounding rather clunky and more like a list of facts than an actual book. However, once we move past the original history of Peter Pan as imagined by J.M. Barrie and start getting into the history of Disney Peter Pan material specifically, it starts to improve. Korkis was, after all, considered a Disney historian, so I guess it’s no real surprise that he writes more excitedly about that side of things. That said, there are still some things that bugged me and made me feel like the book was slapped together in a hurry. I noticed several spelling errors, missing words, and/or weird punctuation throughout the book and while that doesn’t take away from the info itself, it’s rather distracting and unprofessional for a published book. It’s also troubling that Korkis has neither a bibliography nor footnotes in his book to indicate exactly where he got his information from. Some of it was, undoubtedly, from interviews he conducted himself, but even then, there is a way that you are supposed to write up interviews as source material for professional writing…and Korkis just…doesn’t for some reason. So if I want to look up more info on, say, a specific fact…I can’t really do that because I have no proof of an original source. Lastly, some of the “facts” he includes—and I’m being nitpicky here but the guy is supposed to be a Disney historian so I think I’m allowed to be—are straight-up WRONG. For example, in the Disney film, Hook is said to have a harpsichord in his cabin (it’s not; it’s a piano—listen to a harpsichord…it doesn’t sound like that) and a cutlass as his weapon of choice (cutlasses are curved on one side; his blade is definitely more akin to a rapier or a fencing sword). Smee is also said to be the first mate in the original film, and while it’s true that in some later Disney media like Jake and the Neverland Pirates has portrayed Smee as a first mate, the original film does not. Heck, the man has a bosun’s whistle that he uses to pipe up the crew and specifically mentions the first mate as one of the people spreading rumors about Pan having banished Tink during the scene where he’s pouring hot water on Hook’s feet. So clearly he isn’t the first mate, and you don’t have to be a Disney expert to know that. You just have to actually watch the film. The author also says that Cubby is referred to as Curly in the sequel, Return to Neverland…which, again, just listen to the film for yourself and you’ll quickly learn that isn’t true. Oh, and did I mention that he essentially defends the racist portrayal of the “Indians” in the original film? Yeah, so…there’s that.

On a more positive note, I did learn some interesting new things about Peter Pan in the Disneyverse (though, of course, since there is no bibliography, I can’t prove any of them…). So, here are a few fun facts for you fellow Peter Pan nerds, as promised.

(1) There were a LOT of changes made to the original script and storyline between its initial inception and the final version of the film we have today. A few things that were considered but ultimately not used include the following:

Wendy was originally going to be the one who wanted to go to Skull Rock while Peter warned it was too dangerous to go there, only giving in when she finally dared him to take them there.

In one version, Nana came with the kids to Neverland while John stayed home, being “too grown up” for Neverland.

There were several different suggested starting points for the film. One would have had an adult Wendy as narrator reading the story to her daughter, Jane. Another started with Peter’s backstory similar to his origins in The Little White Bird. In either this or another version with a backstory for Pan, we would have seen Tink as the queen of the fairies who, on being presented with the foundling baby Peter, decided that he should be raised by the fairies to protect them against the pirates and other threats and, in exchange, gave him the power of flight.

One version of the story that would have followed much more closely to Barrie’s storyline had Hook creeping down part of the way into Hangman’s Tree to poison Peter but getting stuck and weeping frustrated tears that land in Peter’s “medicine.” These tears, of course, turned out to be poison from the red of his eye as in the 2003 film. This version also would have featured Hook voluntarily jumping ship and being nabbed by a silent crocodile whose clock had run down.

Disney debated for a long time whether to make Peter Pan a live-action film, an animated film, or a hybrid of the two. In the case of the latter, Wendy and her brothers would have been live-action characters with Hook, Peter, and the other residents of Neverland as animated characters who sprung to life from Wendy’s storybook.

There was gonna be a fairy ball. And a scene with the fairies feeding the kids at a kind of banquet. Also a fairy jazz band. Yes, you read that right. Fairy. jazz. band.

(2) The very first Tink to fly over one of the Disney parks to head off the fireworks was a 70 year-old Hungarian woman of Jewish descent and former burlesque dancer. This lady, known as “Tiny” Kline, slid down a 784 ft long cable nearly 150 ft off the ground at speeds up to 30 mph nearly every night for three years…while fighting cancer.

(3) There was an earlier version of Return to Neverland titled Peter and Jane featuring Kathryn Beaumont reprising her role as Wendy and Corey Burton in both the roles of Hook and Smee. Most of the voice recording for this version was already complete when the directors decided to go a different direction with the film. Beaumont was ultimately replaced by Kath Soucie, and the role of Smee went to Jeff Bennett.

(4) Somewhere out there, a live-action reference model version of Return to Neverland exists, and I need it. I have no idea if any of the voice actors were used as models as in the original film, but either way, I really wish we had some way to access the recording, or at least stills.

(5) Apparently, the filmmakers’ reasoning for replacing the crocodile with the octopus was that they thought a toothy crocodile would be “too threatening” for younger members of the audience. That, and they wanted to come up with a new, creative way to torture Hook. (For some reason, Korkis seems to think that the octopus can’t see well because he views Hook and the crew as fish. This is another “fact” which I’m pretty sure is wrong. I always assumed the vision of the characters as fish was just to show that the octopus considered them all potential food, not an actual indication of the creature’s sight…but whatever.)

(6) And last but not least, I have to include Hans and Corey’s takes on Hook as a character because my thoughts on the book wouldn’t be complete without them. I’ve shared some of this before but it bears repeating.

Hans Conried:

“He is a much maligned character. If you read the lines with any sensibility at all, you must have an animus against Peter Pan who could fly, and took outrageous advantage of this one-armed man. Hook was a gentleman. Pan was not. His behavior was bad form.”

Corey Burton:

“He’s the nastiest of Disney’s comical villains. He’s conceited and bombastic and takes great relish in his evil and that makes him really fun to play. Captain Hook is so theatrical, like an old ham actor of the vaudeville and music hall days. It’s not that he really scares anyone because you can see right through all of his bluster. He’s really just scrambling for the recognition afforded Blackbeard and the other great pirates.”

I find it interesting that Burton, though his take on the character is more comedic than Conried’s, still has a rather sympathetic view of Hook—that his attempts at villainy are, in fact, so over-the-top precisely because they are meant to cover up a deep insecurity that he isn’t living up to what everyone expects him to be.

Overall, the book had some fun and interesting bits but wasn’t quite what I was hoping for. I’d love to send Korkis an email and ask him about some of the issues I had with the book and pick his brain. Unfortunately, he just passed away in July of 2023, so that’s no longer an option.

[yuseirra]

Obviously, "Fatal" must be Kamiki's song

Random talk (Akane, Kana, Aqua & Aqua's parents etc)-Analyis

Since I don't have Twitter, I often use this place to unload my thoughts… hehe

I went on in my notes again, I'd love to share it with you all here! I've really been enjoying doing so! :)

Ha… I don’t know why this manga makes me so anxious; I’ve drawn too much fan art for it. I’d feel so embarrassed if I’m wrong. Even so, I pour my heart into it! I’m really serious about my interpretations!

Over-immersion is definitely not good, but this story touches on human psychology in such a way that I can't help but get drawn in. Some of the psychological elements are so intense that they hit me really hard, almost instinctively. But emotions aren’t objective, right? That makes me anxious about being wrong. Even though there’s no need to be…

But no matter how much I say it’s just a manga, I don’t want to defend a serial killer or someone who stalked and murdered their girlfriend (well, at least that does seem to be almost out of the way, isn't it? seeing the direction how it's going, Aqua's motives for taking on the guy has shifted from Ai's revenge to protecting Ruby).

You can definitely like a character for what they are, even if they’re twisted. Characters are characters after all—you can find attraction in villains.

But you see, I’m not liking this particular character for those reasons. I’m drawing them while thinking, “This character doesn’t seem to be that kind of person.”

That's why I’m nervous about misinterpreting everything, even though it wouldn’t be a big deal if I did. But honestly, what’s wrong with seeing the good in a character and thinking, “Couldn’t they actually be a good person?” Even so, I really don’t want to misread things.

Hmm… I think I’m seeing things correctly though. I believe my interpretation of the character is on point. I feel what I see about him would prove to be true.

This manga isn’t devoid of mystery elements, but at some point, I started to speculate from a different angle; like, “What kind of person is this?” and it’s made me so focused on it. I just want a proper, concrete answer already!!

I mean, even if it’s just a manga, defending someone accused of such heinous crimes going “This person couldn’t have done that,”'s pretty anxious, right? Of course, I haven’t exactly drawn them in the context of “they didn’t commit murder,” but the way I’m drawing them feels gentle, doesn’t it? But that’s because I genuinely see them that way.

If this is all there is,

I have a lot to say… I have too many things that bother me.

I never imagined I’d feel this way from reading a manga;;; I wish it would handle things delicately while also wanting it to wrap up quickly so I can feel at ease. It’s unsettling, weighing on my mind. There’s something beneath the surface that seems just out of reach.

Back to the title topic—It’s really obvious that Fatal is Kamiki’s song because,

Though Ai is someone very special and important to Aqua, I think at this point, Ruby is even more precious to him. Aqua still has people around him who are alive, and he has to live for them. Living for the dead is exhausting and hard. There’s so much for him to look forward to (which is, in a way, the essence of what Kamiki says to Aqua in chapter 161). Aqua has Ruby. Ruby is incredibly important to him. He also has Kana and Akane. He’s not at the point where he lives solely for Ai, nor should he be.

Kamiki doesn’t have people like that. Ai is his only reason. To die, to live- whatever he's doing, I feel he's in it for what he THINKS is for her sake.

The Fatale in the song clearly refers to Ai. For him, Ai is everything. He's the one that can become like the song if it's about her. That’s why Kamiki has to be the speaker in Fatal.

When I read this manga, I was like, “Wow, the relationships are so well-crafted.” If someone has lived that kind of life, inevitably, they’d only be able to see Ai. Whether his basic personality is good or bad (and this is what gives the story its flavor, lol, he’s fundamentally a good person, but for Ai, he could completely lose himself and fall apart. He probably kept pushing through a lot of things, even while dying inside the way I see it.) The narrative is constructed so that if Kamiki believes “Ai died because of me,” he’d be willing to risk everything. He really can't bear to live on doing nothing if that happens.

I’ve analyzed the relationship dynamics in this manga many times, right?

If you combine Ruby and Aqua and divide them in half, you can see how they inherit traits from their parents. (Aqua and Ruby are really a blend of both Ai and Kamiki. They resemble both their father and mother.)

The Aqua-Akane and Aqua-Kana dynamics are strikingly similar to Ai-Kamiki when they're combined, but the former are a little less dark. Akane is protective of Aqua to an unusual degree—it goes beyond repaying a debt or liking him a lot. She’s almost at a guardian level, more like a mother at this point than your usual lover. Akane has said that she feels something akin to maternal instincts, and that fits. It’s almost like Ai sent Akane to be Aqua’s guardian angel. There’s a strange, blind devotion there. It’s not just romantic love; it’s something different. Kana’s feelings are romantic, pure and simple. She gets those fluttery feelings. But Akane’s protective instincts are overwhelming, almost agape-like—"I want to protect this person." It’s not a normal high school crush. And when she’s willing to pick up a knife and deal with things for him, it’s beyond normal, right? Akane comes from the most stable family out of all the characters, yet she acts like this, and it’s puzzling… (On the other hand, Kana didn’t come from such a good environment, but her emotions are more typical of a regular high schooler, so she fits better in the everyday slice-of-life aspects.)

Anyway, this kind of protective instinct is a huge part of what Ai felt toward Kamiki. If you combine Kana’s feelings for Aqua with Akane’s protective nature, it’s likely very similar to how Ai felt about Kamiki. Ai, if you look closely, really, really liked him. She treasured him so much.

So, I ended up dissecting the character to figure out why she liked him so much, and the conclusion I came to was, “Wow, this really is a rare personality. He must have been a really good person.”

It’s hard to believe someone like that could be accused of such horrible things… that's what's been getting at me.

He really was a good person. Don’t you think? His personality is just so kind…

If it weren’t for the murder charges, I’d probably like it if someone like him were to be around me. Doesn't have to be in a romantic sense really, but just being near someone like that would be healing. I wish more people like him existed. That’s the feeling I get. Seeing him described as “noble” reassured me that my interpretation was correct. The many comics I drew with him in it? I feel I'd have captured his nature in an accurate sense. I’m confident in that. He’s kind. Really kind.

I’ve always liked these kinds of characters. Ai and Kamiki feel so familiar to me. If my interpretation is right, they’re exactly like the favs I have in every other series. Their environments were awful, which left them broken in some ways, but I believe their innate personalities were good. They’re good people. I love good kids. I just really enjoy portraying characters with lovely nature and I see that in them.

But looking at the plot, I get nervous, wondering if I’m really seeing things correctly. But I think I am.

Returning to Fatal,

If you look at it as if Kana and Akane were one person for Aqua, and there was no one else by his side, and his life was truly miserable, and that person saved him—what meaning would that hold for him? That’s how you explain it. Ai is that person for Kamiki. He would inevitably love her. And he truly did love her.

And she died. So, of course, it wouldn’t be strange for him to want to die too, or give his life away for her sake (Mephisto is saying exactly that).

In his mind, she was more important than he was, so he’d give anything, even his life, for her. That’s why the emotions expressed in those songs make sense.

But… it seems like something happened. That’s why he didn’t or couldn’t follow her in death. I think something made him believe that if he did something, he could meet Ai again. That’s the impression I get from the songs.

If Kamiki went insane, it would be because of that, right? But when you look at what he’s doing on screen, he doesn’t seem completely insane. If Ai wants him to be helped, then perhaps there’s still hope. Even if it doesn’t seem like it. They brought that idea in, so I felt that's what would eventually happen. It doesn't make sense for me for that to be left a lost cause.

If Ai chose him, I think he must be a good person. That’s the feeling that hit me… Looking at how meticulously the relationships and character dynamics were set up (the more I see, the more impressed I am; if you merge Ai and Kamiki’s character traits and split them in half, there are so many parallels with the relationships of the other characters), it feels like this was crafted with great care.

It’d be a real waste if this story didn’t go anywhere. There’s clearly so much there. That’s why I keep drawing.

Just look at Mephisto’s lyrics! The speaker is constantly saying, “I’ll give my life if it means you’ll come back.” Isn’t there a lot to unpack from that alone? “I’d give anything because I want to see you again.” This is a project from two romance writers teaming up with each other; how could this not be explored?

It’s fascinating to see a character who was once so gentle and mild-mannered become someone willing to give everything, saying, “I can’t live without you.” If this character had originally been strong-willed, that would be interesting too, but instead, this was a soft-spoken and gentle person who has become so desperate and heartbreakingly eager to see someone again. The narrative is incredibly intense, isn't it? And… from Kamiki's perspective, it plays out exactly like that. He couldn’t help but love Ai that much, and even if the situation hadn’t been that way, he would have still loved her deeply. This character could never harm Ai. To him, Ai was more important than his own life. (And in chapter 161, he does says something like that, though… the phrasing is a bit strange. But in my opinion, that expression was just acting. He's already said something along those lines in 153 and 154 that he's loved her that much too so it's pretty consistent.)

This isn't about Aqua, you know, haha. Aqua has other people, and if you look closely, he’s already moving in a somewhat different direction from those lyrics.

Hmm, I think something will come up within the next 5–6 chapters :)

[0saippua]

GOBSHITE'S ADVENTURES - PART 3

(PART 1 & PART 2)

8) La discussion civilisée se poursuit

Sit down, your favorite story about dumb chump is about to continue.

After the long, tiring, useless and hollow debate from the 2 earlier parts, the same old claptrap wheels continued to grind by new response from chucklefuckle:

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

✉️ CHUCKLEFUCK: I have yet to hear a Reason behind the decline, so far (REALLY?), all I hear is Excuses, and entertainment can go both ways, but to be fair, it’s probably in the Genes by now and I don’t mean Mine, so I highly suggest you take these conversations seriously instead of being either selfish, lazy or/and greedy. Why do you claim my project is free then when it is in fact a Collaboration? Again, the only type of persons who would say such a thing before even hearing my offer out are those who are selfish, lazy or/and greedy, TBH, I really wish you aren't one of them, the MLP Fandom is infested with too much already and so far, 1 in 200 or 300 are even close of being worthy of the title Brony, believe me when I said so, I've tried. Don’t think you’re the only one I confronted about this, and admittedly, most of the people in Fandom really are Criminals, they just follow the thought/trends of “Since there’s many people are doing it so it must be Legal” when it’s not, however, I do not believe that ALL the Fans of the franchise are bad people, Mostly Yes but not All, lastly, if the OC’s truly are Original, as in NOT “Inspired” by other Copyrighted Franchise then that’s okay, in terms of Laws and Legalization that is, now the only questions is the Intentions behind them.

Confirming you’re indeed not from the UK so that the Laws about Copyrights wouldn’t affect you aren’t Justified Reason enough? Don’t lump me in like the rest of them Fake Artist Wannabe, unlike them, I have been a good Law Abiding Citizen, if you want to draw then draw, I’m not stopping you from doing what you want but I don’t see how and/or why that should be posted if you’re just doing it to show off if it’s related to an Existing Franchise. You called it Harassing, I called it Asking, if you want to play it that way then go Rob a Bank then if you’re fine gaining money Illegally, you Thief (lmao), if you want to call what I'm doing as Harassing, then I can call what you're doing as either Stealing or Extortions. Says the one who’s using MLP for nothing more than Profits, you’d know a lot about Manipulating Techniques now wouldn’t you? I’ve told you, I’m no stranger to Hate’s and Accusations. I’ll accept that as a Compliment then, knowing I do struck a nerve of how true it is that you’re indeed only making MLP Arts for profits, you’re welcome to Prove me wrong BTW, if you can that is. The same Cartoon where you’re or the rest of those Fake Artists trying to take advantage of by using their name 's and Popularity to gaining Profits Illegally? I’d say that’s a very popular Cartoon and Characters, are you in Grade School BTW? Because then these arguments would make so much sense, and I don’t mean me included since I am already old enough to have a Job. Just being clear, there are people that think I like to delay replying just because I can, but I’m not that low nor Free of time. I didn’t, like I said, you’re the one who’s being Dramatic and making things Personal, all I ever wanted from anyone is their help to make this project of mine a reality, I didn’t say you aren’t a “Great Character” but you aren’t Proving to be one either based on all of your declination of my offer/project, BTW, I’m from Malaysia so English isn’t my first Language. If that were true, you wouldn't be posting those MLP Pics online and demanding Moneys for them now would you? Or is there another reason behind the Posting and Profiting of MLP Franchise? I've told you, we still have a VERY LONG conversation ahead of us.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

Sure thing.

These chats were good entertainment for me and some of my friends but god honestly, one can take only so much stupid for one day/week/month. I swear, the arguments between me and my 2 year old niece about drawing to the wallpapers or throwing diapers out the window have had more fuel in them than this shit.

My lack of fuel was present on the response I farted for the garbage:

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

✉️ SOAP: Aren’t gonna even argue about this shit since nothing seems to go trough your skull. This shit is getting slowly just tiring and annoying. I did you a favor and removed all of my art from my account so you can sleep your night with dry sheets without need to worry about me gaining a half penny by posting them on public or cartoon ponies being misused. Horay!

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

I kind of lost my interest on inkbunny at this point (partly thanks to chucklefuck and partly because it really wasn't site for me), so I decided to remove the art, wipe off the profile page junk and other content and planned to remove my account at some point.

9) final chapter where little red riding hood goes home and 3 little pigs are turned into ribs

I received one more response before I kind of gave up the hopeless ass debate since shit was getting just fucking tiring and the argument had turned into bizarre shittery I struggled to even follow.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

✉️ CHUCKLEFUCK: There's something wrong with Everyone, you and me are No Exception, I don’t believe in something called “Perfection”, anyway, you’re the one who claims my messages are “Entertaining”, not my fault you decided to push someone’s who simply won’t give up without a Good Reason first AND that are Very Passionate in MLP and Arts their buttons. You do actually, you posted those Pics to gain attention, now you have Mine, and I don’t let someone who uses MLP for their own Benefits off very Easily. In short, I’ll treat you the same way you have/will treat me. you posted those MLP pics without thinking of the consequences, and you want to talk about dangerous now?

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

I have heard of the serious ass consequences about uploading pictures of Donald Duck bonking Scrooge to the duckrump, but never abt the severe consequences of uploading/crafting pony arts. Spooky!

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

✉️ CHUCKLEFUCK: Seeing them in person makes a lot of difference than arguing with them online, by the sounds of it, maybe you should take a walk in the Real World instead. You did YOURSELF a favor, we both know you’re not doing this to save anyone but yourself, if you are then prove it, you really think deleting those MLP Pics mean they won’t exist anymore? If so then you’re even more Naive than I am.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

Gobshite apparently decided that I removed the art because I wanted to hide my cartoon pony shaped war crimes against humanity and jumped into some wild ass conclusion about my motives and how I can't hide from the chucklefuck and shit.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

I know you exist BECAUSE of those pics, I know you can do MLP because of those Pics you posted, if not then you won’t even hear from me in the first place but now you do, and how’s that “Half Penny” working out for you? Also, This is the Internet, just because you delete them in Inkbunny doesn’t mean they’re not available elsewhere, like for example:- https:// twitter.com/ saippuaku It's typically a weakness that all of those who enjoys attentions which normally have Over-Inflated Ego would have. You can also delete them there if you wanted to, just know I have Full Screenshot of that entire Page, don't believe me? here's the proof - https://mega.nz/folder/UOxAwbQA#P5-bk3tLXO5kKPtLdPN8lw For what it's worth, I really hope you're not one of "Those" type of People.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

Sure thing.

Right now the link goes to empty folder but at time it included screenshots of my social media accounts full of my ponycrimes (art).

At this point shit turned kind of creepy. Arguing like fucking idiot is one thing, but archiving my shit as proof of something (ponycrimes) was something else.

Friend, who I updated about the clodpole's replies, was starting to get actually lil concerned about chuchklefuck (again turbo secret name):

Being lil tired of this shit as well, I decided to follow friend's advice with lazy route and banned chucklefuck's account. Honestly, I wouldn't have minded to leave fuckface to argue alone on private messages since I had no plans to stay on the site, but honestly, this goofer was digging blood from his nose as we say here.

Of course blocking fucklecuckers account didn't stop the parade. Chucklefuck had to return once more to poop his last brilliant comment behind other username to say something that would make me feel like idiot (and him feel like he achieved something with this nonsensical debate).

Sure thing.

Eventually I removed my account and got rid of the asscrab.

Out of my morbid curiosity and because im lil asshole, I wanted to test something. I made new account with some smooth kawaii name and told friend to draw me some notorious mlp pony that I posted to my new turbo secret account.

For fucking no one's surprise, this account soon got lil too familiar message from our old friend, chucklefuck (account doesn't exist anymore so i arent gonna censor shit):

Replying to this shit could have brought up another brilliant 6 page long debate but we have got enough of that shit so no thanks.

For no one's surprise, chucklefuck's accounts were soon banned from inkbunny. I was little surprised no one had kicked the moron out of the site earlier if the level of the debate was as shit as it was with me. Dude had account on art site only to garble and harass people drawing mlp art.

TL;DR: In the end, I haven't seen chucklefuck since the banhammer did its job and good so. Lets never meet again, schlong. Also fuck u.

The lesson in this mess of a story is A) If someone grinds your gears or rustles your jimmies, don't be scared to block the asshole B) you don't owe people shit C) draw ur own ass content instead of weaseling that task for some strangers by calling the imho questionable division of work "collaboration".

[amatchinwater]

Pairing: Steo

Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Theo Raeken, Moaning Myrtle,

Warnings/tags: potion making, use of potions, love potion, liquid luck, HP AU,

Words: 3955

a/n: I always had this idea that Felix Felicis would backfire if you didn't need luck for the task...so I did it with Steo 💚 for @voidstilesplease for helping me solidify the idea like a year ago! @msmischief101 I finally did it 😭

Ao3 link Masterlist

Just A Little Luck

---

There’s a few things to note about Hogwarts sixth year Stiles Stilinski. For starters, he’s a Slytherin. Top of his class too, he’s been in the Slug Club for years. The sorting hat was a little stumped with him at first. His proclivity for academics almost had Stiles placed in Ravenclaw, but he’s far too much of a trickster to be placed anywhere but Slytherin. Not to mention the ambition to achieve his goals no matter what it takes. 

He’s also an Animagus. Which was an incredibly hard process to learn as a third year. But Stiles did it by some miracle. It’s amazing running around in his fox form. The Forbidden Forest is his favorite. Most of the Centaurs know him by name since Stiles is one of the few Wizards to treat not only the forest, but them with respect. So they leave him to run in peace and even occasionally seek his help if something is amiss. 

Being academically inclined made his O.W.L.s a cake walk. As a muggle-born most of his peers expected him to struggle early on. Stiles was more than happy to prove them wrong. 

Professor Slughorn is obsessed with him. Which means that Stiles has far surpassed his fellow classmates. On his first day in the advanced potions course, he was the only one to successfully brew an invisibility potion. It’s just as difficult and temperamental as the Draught of Living Death. Slughorn was practically giddy even after all this time.

“No student can make that potion,” Myrtle sneers from where she’s perched above the sinks. 

“For the love of Merlin,” Stiles sets his book back on his lap with a huff. “Isn’t there some hopeless Prefect taking a bath that you can go and annoy?” 

As much sass as he’s giving the ghost, she’s not exactly wrong. Not a single student has ever successfully brewed Felix Felicis. Never. But there hasn’t been a single potion to beat Stiles yet. He’s not about to let it be Liquid Luck either. 

Stiles needs this. 

Because today he plans on asking Theo Raeken out on a date. Slytherin Quidditch Captain, same year as Stiles. And true heir to Salazar Slytherin. While Theo doesn’t seem to adhere to the Pureblood ideology, a little luck couldn’t hurt a muggle-born like Stiles. 

So he’s going to make this fucking potion. Preferably without Moaning Myrtle’s snark.

“You don’t have to be so rude, you know,” she whines, ghostly eyes filling with tears. 

Stiles hangs his head back with a sigh, “look, Myrtle,” he tries to stow his annoyance when he faces her again. “I have something really important I’m trying to do today, okay? I need all the help I can get.” 

“From what I hear, you’re the smartest in your year.” Myrtle squints at him, “what could you possibly need luck for?”

“Landing a date with Theo Raeken,” he mumbles.

“A boy,” she squeals, laughing as she soars towards him. “Why didn’t you say so?” 

“I-I’m sorry?” The Slytherin boy stares at her shocked. The girl has certainly never been this docile around him. But he needed privacy, so he came to the second floor girl’s bathroom.

“You should be.” She goes to shove his shoulder, but her hand goes right through him. Such an odd feeling, and cold. “Had I known it was about a boy, I’d have helped you.”

Stiles snorts, “you? Help someone? That doesn’t sound like the Myrtle that tried to drown me in the toilet last year.” 

“I’m only mean to those that are mean to me,” she says with a sly grin. 

“To be fair, I hadn’t realized which bathroom I ran into,” Stiles chuckles.

“You threw a book at my head!”

“I’m sorry! You startled me!”

Myrtle laughs, “come on. Let’s get you your boy. Add another tentacle.” 

“But the instructions specifically say two.”

She shrugs, “I watched Professor Slughorn brew some as a prize for his seventh year class. He put in three.”

Suddenly unsure as to whether or not Myrtle is actually helping him, Stiles cautiously puts in another Murtlap tentacle. The bubbling brown mixture lets out a puff of smoke before settling to a nice golden color. Just like the book suggests.

“Yes!” Stiles exclaims, pumping his fist in the air. “Myrtle, I could kiss you right now. Thank you.”

The ghost giggles, “go get your boy. I want to hear all about it,” Myrtle smiles before soaring in the air and diving into her toilet with a splash.

Stiles ladles the Felix Felicis into a small goblet so it can cool off. He hasn’t been in the girl’s bathroom- lavatory, loo, he’s really gotta get a handle on the lingo outside of America- for very long. If he moves quickly, he can catch Theo on his way to the Quidditch pitch. Hopefully alone so he can word vomit his request for a date with no peering eyes. Minimal shame is what he’s going for here. 

Giving the potion another moment to cool, Stiles tidies up his things and dusts his robe off. Slinging it back on so McGonagall doesn’t give him shit for not wearing it again, he gulps down the Liquid Luck. A smile glosses over his face and with a flourish of his wand, the cauldron and ingredients disappear. Hopefully clean and back in his room. 

Felix agrees. 

Feeling good about himself, Stiles saunters out into the halls in search of Theo. He’s had the biggest crush on his fellow Slytherin since he laid eyes on the boy underneath the Sorting Hat. Theo has always been nice to him on their carriage rides to the castle and around the school. They even studied for their O.W.L.s together. Theo has even sparked up a conversation or two with him if they’ve sat close enough during meals. Stiles can just never get over the hurdle of their lineage. That there’s the chance Theo’s parents stand by the not mixing of blood and expect their son to do the same. Times may have changed, but not for everyone. 

But that’s what Felix is for.

To put luck on his side and get the guy. 

Walking out the front door feeling absolutely giddy, Stiles finds Theo not far ahead and actually walking alone. The Quidditch captain has his broom resting on his shoulders, drumming his fingers against the wood. 

Not letting this chance go to waste, Theo is right there, Stiles runs. “Hey, Theo! Wait up,” he calls. 

The other Slytherin boy stops in his tracks, turning around with his brows pinched. When his eyes land on Stiles, Theo smiles and meets him halfway. 

“Thanks,” Stiles pants when he reaches the other boy. 

“You alright?” Theo chuckles, amused as he swings his broom off his shoulders. 

Stiles hunches over, hands on his knees to catch his breath. "Yeah," he huffs. Apparently Liquid Luck couldn't be bothered to help him in the athletic department. Rude.

Theo pats his shoulder, unknowingly grounding Stiles; he’s more fox than human at times with touch. "You should join the team. I'll make you a better runner in no time." 

"I'm a fantastic runner," Stiles stands back up. He nods his head to the side, "well, when I'm a fox, I am. Four legs are much faster than two." 

"Have you given any more thought to letting me see you as a fox?" Theo asks, almost shyly, looking at his feet. 

"I-" he honestly thought the other boy had been joking. And that was like two weeks ago. "You were serious?" 

The captain nods, "well, yeah. If you'd be comfortable with that. I think Animaguses are fascinating." Theo flashes him a gorgeous smile and his heart damn near melts. This is genuine Theo too. Because he’d asked about this before Stiles even took the potion.  "It's cool as hell that I'm friends with one. I'd love to see it." 

They've talked and studied together, but Stiles never thought the other boy would've considered them friends. 

"Yeah," Stiles clears his throat to hide the cheesy grin. "Just let me know when." 

"I'm gonna hold you to that," Theo playfully narrows his eyes at him, a smile tugging the corner of his mouth. "Right," he jumps like he'd remembered something, " I gotta get to the pitch, I'll see you back at the common room." 

"Okay," Stiles waves, letting him go. "Oh shit. Theo hang on," he grabs the other boy’s arm, "I almost forgot what I wanted to ask you." 

"What's up?" He asks, not caring about the hand on him. Theo doesn't usually let people touch him outside of Quidditch. 

"I-" Stiles takes a breath, anxiety starting to creep in beside Felix. But that's what it's for. All he has to do is say the words. "I was wondering if you'd let me take you to the Three Broomsticks? You know," he sways on his feet, "as a date."

"Oh, uh, Stiles-" 

No. No, no, no, no, no. Felix was supposed to help this go well! His heart is plummeting in his chest. Stomach ready to fall out of his ass. He recognizes that tone a mile away. Stiles is being rejected. 

"I'm sorry. You're a great guy and I would love to  hang out with you, but I'm just not interested in you like that." Theo’s face twists in confusion. That Stiles even asked in the first place? "I- I'm really sorry. I gotta go," he nods before turning back towards the gate. 

Stiles watches him in shocked silence. What did he possibly do wrong? He made it right, Myrtle assured him of it. And seeing as how he, a non-Quidditch player, made it outside the castle after dinner, it had to have worked. 

"What the fuck just happened?" 

—

He doesn't attend classes for three days, or even leave bed just to go down to the common room. Madam Pomfrey came to check on him the second day. Seeing he wasn't ill, but riddled with nerves, she let him off. Nerves over seeing Theo again after being rejected, but she didn’t need to know that. It was plain to his friends he shares the room with that he was not doing so great. 

His only solace was when Liam, his friend and Beater on the team, came back to their room that night and said nothing about it. So Theo didn't tell anybody. 

That's something at least. 

On the other hand though, Stiles woke up on the fourth day with his robes soaked. 

"Shit," he mutters, waving his wand to dry it. He promised Myrtle that he'd tell her what happened. She must think he's blowing her off. Today is the last day Madam Pomfrey gave him to collect himself. Maybe moving around will do him some good. 

After quickly getting dressed, Stiles makes his way to the great hall. Most of the students have gone to their first classes of the day. Only a handful of sixth and seventh years with free periods remain. He nicks a muffin and a goblet of pumpkin juice from the Slytherin table before leaving. Making his way towards the girl's bathroom on the second floor with his head hung low.

Hopefully Myrtle isn't too pissed. It's not like he's been denying her or purposefully ignoring her. Stiles was just too mortified to leave his room. Wildly embarrassed and stuck in his feelings.

Carefully pushing open the door, Stiles pikes his head inside. "Whoa!" He shouts, jumping back and narrowly escaping a massive stream of water coming straight for his face. "Myrtle, it's me," Stiles says through the closed door. 

"Good," she snaps, followed by the sound of more water slapping the wood. 

"Listen, I haven't been leaving you hanging, I promise" he explains. "Theo, he-" Stiles sighs, might as well finally say the words out loud. "He turned me down." 

Myrtle’s head pops through the middle of the door, "what?" 

"He rejected me," Stiles slaps his thighs. The ghost's face falls and she retreats back into the bathroom. Skeptical that he's safe from more projectiles, Stiles pushes the door open again, finding Myrtle sitting by the sinks; she pats the space beside her. "I don't understand what I did wrong," Stiles says, plopping down beside her. 

"What happened?" 

Stiles recounts everything. How he made it out of the castle with ease when only Quidditch players are allowed out for practice. How nice Theo was to him in general and about him being an Animagus. The playful nature the other boy had about him being out of shape as a human.

Everything. 

"But when you asked him on a date, he said no," Myrtle looks just as confused as Theo had when he said no. "Maybe he doesn't like boys. I doubt Felix Felicis can change someone's sexual preferences." 

Stiles shakes his head, "no, he likes guys too. I've seen him making out with Talbot under the Quidditch stands in our fourth year." That isn’t an easy sight to forget. The two hottest guys in school making out with each other? Yeah, that’s burned into Stiles’ brain and at the tippy top of his spank bank. 

Don’t judge.

Myrtle hums, tapping her chin, "maybe they're still together?" 

"Nah, it was only the one time and Brett transferred to Durmstrang last year." Stiles presses the palms of his hands into his eyes and takes a deep breath. He hasn't cried over this yet and he's not about to do so now. "I just don't get it. The potion definitely worked." 

"You know," she giggles, a mischievous sound. He’s not entirely sure if he likes the sound. "If you want Theo so badly, you could just slip him a love potion. It's much easier to make than Liquid Luck." 

Stiles drops his hands, crossing his arms over his knees, "no. I don't want to force him into liking me. I just used Felix to get me one date.” The Slytherin boy lifts a finger, “just the one. If Theo didn't like me after that, then so be it. I just wanted a chance, Myrtle." 

"So use Amortentia to get you the date," the ghost says. "It's not long lasting," Myrtle tries to reason, "if it wears off in the middle of the date and he wants to leave, let him. But if he stays…" she trails off, leaving the Slytherin boy to fill in the blanks. 

"Then he actually likes me?" 

"I would say so, yes." 

"I guess I could tweak it," Stiles rubs his jaw, thinking out loud, "make it less potent. More of an attraction than an actual love potion. Just to make myself seem more appealing to him, you know? Just enough to get the date, that’s it." 

Myrtle smiles, "you certainly wouldn't be the first Wizard to change a spell or potion to have it work in their favor."

"You're right, I can do this." 

—

Once Slughorn saw how good Stiles was at brewing potions, he allowed the sixth year access to his ingredients whenever he wanted. Grabbing the necessary items for Amortentia was easy. Avoiding people on his way back to Myrtle’s lavatory, not so much. The one Prefect that stopped him was thankfully a Slytherin. So all Stiles had to do was tell a small fib that he was brewing a tonic for his nerves and was sent on his way. 

It's a really good thing that no one ever uses this bathroom anymore. The house elves still keep it clean so that Myrtle doesn't have to live eternity in filth, but they’re not due yet. Which is kind of pointless. The girl swims in toilet drains on the regular. Stiles doubts she cares about a little dust. On the other hand, the thought is probably nice though. 

And with no students being stupid enough to risk upsetting Myrtle, he's free to make his potion in peace. 

"I'm glad you're not the boy I thought you were," Myrtle says, looking over the ingredients littering the tile floor. 

Stiles snorts a laugh, "and I'm glad you're not like Peeves. I really can't stand him. You know he threw some poor Hufflepuff’s books on the floor because they didn’t like his jokes? The first year was in tears." 

"I’m not above making people cry,” Myrtle deadpans. “I just mean," she settles next to the cauldron that's coming to a boil, fiddling with her fingers, "it's nice to have a friend." Myrtle ducks her head, "I haven't had one of those in a really long time." 

The Slytherin boy's heart throbs, "I'm happy to be your friend, Myrtle." 

"So tell me about your boy," she giggles, lifting into the air to fly about the room. "Your Theo." 

Colorful smoke plumes from the cauldron, the spicy scent of cinnamon rolls wafts into his nostrils. Reminds him of early weekend mornings before his mom passed. Along with the smell of the Forbidden Forest after it rains, the perfect time for a little gray fox to go for a run. And something he can't quite place, spicy but a sharp sweetness almost like- holy shit. Theo's cologne. As if he didn't already know he was attracted to the fucking guy. 

Okay, now to just lessen the effects. 

"First of all," Stiles cocks an eyebrow at her, "he's not my Theo." 

"Oh, but you want him to be," she sings. "Come on, no one comes in here. Tell me about Theo, let me see him," Myrtle waves her hand in front of the potion as he adds half of a bezoar. 

If it's good enough to cure ailments, half of one should lessen the effects. At least he really hopes so. 

"Okay, okay," he shoos her off. "He's a few inches shorter than me, not noticeable really. His eyes are a beautiful blue," Stiles smiles, seeing them in his head. "But when the sun hits them just right, they look green." Like how they do every morning at the breakfast table. Talk about a way to start your day.

"He sounds handsome," Myrtle sighs, laying on her stomach, propping her head in her hands. 

"Very,” Stiles agrees. “He's captain of the Quidditch team," he tells the ghost, the smell of the brew becoming less intense. It's working! "Theo's a Slytherin like me, but from a very prominent bloodline." 

"Uh, Stiles," Myrtle says.

"I'm talking descended from Salazar himself," Stiles carries on, his rambling taking over. "That's why I used Liquid Luck. I-I didn't think that someone muggle-born would be accepted by his family. But I-I’m not a bad guy, you know? I just wanted a fair shot to prove myself."

"Stiles!" 

"What?" He snaps out of his rant to look up at her. 

"Would you say Theo has a strong jaw?" Myrtle asks. 

"I-" Stiles' mouth falls open in a frown. That's an odd question. "Yeah, I guess so. Why do you ask?" 

Myrtle doesn't answer, rather points behind Stiles, trying to hide her laugh. A bucket of ice water pours over him, Stiles is sure of it, when he turns around to find Theo. Amused as ever where he stands against the door with his arms folded and one leg crossed. 

"Oh fuck," Stiles mutters, eyes wide as saucers. He’s in the bathroom making a fucking love potion for the guy and he just walks in. Irony? Karma? What the fuck is this, because Stiles really doesn’t like it. He doesn’t even know what to do and isn’t even sure he’s breathing.

"Hey there Stiles," Theo smirks. 

That's not good. Stiles is frozen on the spot so badly he might as well have been hit by Petrificus Totalus. It's a really good thing his mouth is used to working without any help from him because Stiles is gone.

"How, uh, how long have you been standing there?" He asks, though certain he both knows the answer and doesn't actually want to hear it. His ears are pink enough as it, the heat creeping down his neck.

Theo leans off the wall, taking a step closer. His smirk ever present, "probably a lot longer than you'd like."

"Fuck," Stiles curses under his breath, hanging his head. This is so not how things were supposed to happen. What's Theo going to do? The fact that he just looks amused about the whole thing is rather unsettling. Stiles pinches his eyes closed, rubbing them before asking, "are you going to report me?" 

The other boy laughs, fully and heartily. "Why in the hell would I report you? Can't exactly date you if you're expelled now, can I?"

"What?" Stiles' head whips is. Surely he misheard. There’s simply no way he heard that properly.

Theo chuckles, standing close enough that Stiles has to look up at him. That shouldn’t be as enticing as it looks. "You know, for someone so brilliant, you can be quite thick." 

"I-I’m sorry?" 

Myrtle cackles, “he’s not wrong.” Stiles shoots her a glare and she backs off, giggling as she goes.

"There's this fine little clause when it comes to Felix Felicis." Theo asks, "did you know that?" Stiles' face falls at his words, no he didn't. "I did. Well, I had to look it up in the library." 

"What's the clause?" He asks. Because of course the one time Stiles doesn't read the fine print it's actually useful information. Go figure.

Theo squats in front of him, "it states that if you didn't need luck for the task to begin with, the potion will have the opposite effect. It's why I didn't use it to become captain; I'd have never gotten it." 

"So-"

"It's also why I was so fucking confused when I said no to the gorgeous awkward guy in my year who helped me pass my OWLs." Theo drops his voice to a whisper, "you know the one I'd ask out myself if he wasn't so bloody shy in everything but academics. I was worried your own fear would make you say no. But here you are," Theo points at the cauldron, "brewing Amortentia and having no idea that it smells like you and those little pies you brought to our study sessions." 

"To be fair, it's heavily diluted so you'd just be a little attracted to me." Stiles gets to his feet, "but hang on. If you'd known I'd used Liquid Luck, why didn't you say anything? Confront me sooner?"

"Well," Theo rises up to meet him, barely a foot apart, "this is the first day you've left your room." The captain gets closer, carefully putting a hand on Stiles' hip, pulling their bodied flush. All air leaves his lungs at the action, his heart pounding in his chest and legs turned to jelly. "Besides, this isn't a confrontation, sweetheart.” His free hand brushes the side of Stiles’ chin, making him shiver. “I think it's cute that you thought you needed potions to get me." 

"You do?" The words are whispered, breath caught in Stiles' throat.

"Very. All you had to do was say hello," Theo's words are accentuated with a squeeze to his hip. "So what do you say, sweetheart? Wanna be my boyfriend?" 

"Boyfriend?" Stiles nearly chokes on the word. 

"Stiles, I've known you for six years," Theo explains, "that's more than enough time to know if I want to be with someone." He leans in until their noses touch, "all you have to do is say yes and I'll learn the rest as we go."

This is all Stiles has ever wanted and more. Saying, "yes," is effortless. 

"Good," Theo grins, grabbing his chin and sealing their mouths together in a kiss. 

Guess he never needed luck to begin with. Stiles just needed to be himself to get the guy. 

Who knew?