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hwrryscherry · 4 years

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The one where Y/N is a princess.

characters: HARRYxPRINCESSY/N

blurb: Y/N is the youngest daughter of Prince Charles and Princess Diana which makes herself the youngest sister of William and Harry(the duke of Sussex). Harry(Styles) and she meet at the Dunkirk premiere when Y/N attended with her brother Harry. This time, Harry(Styles) is in London and show Princess Y/N what it feels like to be just a girl called ‘’Y/N’’ for a day.

word count: 2.4K

warnings: fluff, a little sad in the end.

author’s note: I received a request about Y/N being a heiress and my mind just go directly to royalty so I guess this could be cool? I tried lol. If you’re british and you felt ofended by any way while reading this I’m extremely sorry!!!! I hope you guys like it as much as I do. And also, I just wanted to share that I wrote this listening to ‘’Ophelia’’ by The Lumineers and ‘’The Book of You & I’’ by Alec Benjamin.

You and Harry scheduled to meet in the British Museum situated in the Bloomsbury area of London even though it was a public space, it wouldn’t be a surprise as people already knew that you and harry new each other. You both met on the Dunkirk premiere which you attended together with your brother Harry. Harry(Styles) was such a gentleman, he actually were nervous. As a British man he respects the royal family as much possibler than he can, and he would never want to make neither you nor your brother to feel uncomfortable.

But anyway, you both scheduled there because Harry had been in England for a while and as you stayed friends it just felt right to meet up. You actually felt really tired, emotionally tired. You were so used to traveling the most amazing places with friends and now being basically locked up at The Buckingham Palace because of the corona virus felt draining for you. So when Harry came up with the meeting you were so glad to finally be leaving home, and Harry has always been the type of person who you felt like you could talk openly and be exactly who you want to be, and we don’t even have to say that the British museum it’s probably one of your favorite places in London. You were enamored by art, and there were so many interesting things in there and every time you’ll go there you’d find something new.

It was 9am and the museum it’s actually closed now but you did have some perks. You were in the Egyptian part accompanied by your bodyguard Jasper, when you suddenly listened the rough voice of you dearly friend coming closer to you making you turn yourself to look at him getting closer. He greeted you with a simple hug in which you reciprocated by opening a slight smile looking at him.

— Hello, darling — Harry said while using his hands to style his short and messy hair with a smile on his face. — How are you?

— Hi, I’ve been good, just tired! But what about you? — You asked as you both started to walk through the beautiful masterpieces — How’s your mom and Gemma? — You had that really strong British accent, which Harry understood completly, and he really likes it. He thinks it’s the cutest thing. Actually, Harry thought everything about you were extremely cute, you both have a little crush on each other but as you already told him a lot of times before, just the thought of how many things he’d have to leave for because of the royal regulation made you sad for him. You’d never ask him for something like that.

— They’re good but... — Harry stopped walking looking fixedly to your face trying to analyze your emotions by their expressions — Why are you tired? I mean, I understand it must be really bad living in a castle but anyway, what happened? — Harry said smirking at you and your reaction of laughing and rolling your eyes at him.

— Haha, really funny! You should be a humorist — You answered mocking a bit and running your right hand through your hair as you started walking again — And I asked you how were you, you won’t answer? I’ll lock you in the dungeon for your audacity! — You both always joked like this because when you first started being friends, Harry had all that idea about the old royalty with dungeons and prisoners so you’d always make fun of him for that.

— Alright, alright! I'm good, they're good, we're all good. Now, tell me! — Harry said putting his right hand slightly on your shoulder making you stop walking and look at him with all your attention. You sighed trying to form your words to explain exactly what you were feeling to him.

— I don't know, I'm just... I'm so tired of the routine, you know? I wish I could just go out to do the craziest things and not be recognized. — You were looking straight to Harry's green eyes, it felt like they were watching your soul because e was giving you his full atention. The boy really did care about you. He stayes quiet for a while in complete silence, it was a comfortable silence though. It never felt like you and Harry needed to talk all the time when you got together because it was nice just to stay together and enjoy each other's company.

— Let me take you out! — Harry suddenly said after a few seconds making your eyes widen up as you looked at him.

— Excuse me? — You asked.

— Let me take you out! We can put on some disguises and take the best London tour we can find, I bet you've never done it! — Harry said with a little smirk in the end. He was right, you never took a tour through your own city which seems crazy — You know... I really like you and if you wanna have fun this could be great! You'll be just a girl called Y/N and I'll be just a boy called Harry. — He said trying to argue with your thoughts thinking if this would actually be a good thing to do. But you didn't really have anything to lose, did you? — So, do you wanna do a bunch of fun things with me today? — Harry held out his right hand to you indicating that as soon as you shake his hand you would leave that museum and probably have the best day of your life, and so you did.

So as soon as you could, you both were out of that museum with the most ridiculous disguises, if I might say. Harry changed his fashionable clothes for some neutral grey hoodie and you changed your cute black dress to a jeans and hoodie as well. Your heart raced a bit when you both left that museum, the fear of being recognized was in you. It's not that you don't love the people of this nation, it's just... a day off could fit you pretty well.

It was hard to convince Jasper to leave you both alone though, it was his job to keep you safe and actually you don't even remember the last time you left your home without him, you just needed freedom for a while but you did convince him. He spent some minutes actually talking to Harry tons of rules about keeping both of you safe and how he couldn't risk your life and all that stuffs.

For the first time in your life, you were on those big, red and popular British bus. You and Harry entered by the back door and within minutes, you both were on the upon side of it on the last chairs. You looked through the window admiring this city and thinking about how much you would never want to live anywhere else. Harry was making a lot of dad jokes beside you though. You tried to laugh as lowly as you could but it was almost impossible, come on “What's the name of a man with a rubber toe? Roberto” it's so bad that it turns out to be funny. But anyway, the bus took both of us to King Cross where you entered a very popular fast-food place called “Five Guys” as Harry guaranteed you was the best he'd ever had and even though you'd doubted it so much, you agreed to go with him. When you were there, you ordered the biggest burger it had on the menu, which actually surprised Harry, but he surprised it too as he ordered it on the name of “Archie and Eleanor” so you could maintain your disguise.

— So.. Archie and Eleanor? — You asked smirking when you finally took the first bite of your burger. It was delicious but Harry was definitely lying, this is not the best one ever, but yep, all for the experience.

— Come on, you loved it! It's very charming, don't you think? — Harry asked as he took a sip of his coca-cola. It's crazy how these stupid disguises was working, is it really that impossible to recognize someone with a hoodie, cap and sunglasses? You didn't want to know because you were having a nice time.

— You know what, I think we need to get those Chinese cookies because I wanna read my luck! — You commented making him shook his head in reaction to your ask.

— Ok so we need to dinner Chinese food so bad! — You argued taking Harry from surprise as he didn't thought you'd stay this late with him.

— You'd have to buy actual Chinese food, you can't just buy the cookie! — He answered raising his eyebrows at you taking his last bite of his burger.

It didn't take much long for you both to be moving again. It was definitely the best day you've had in a while. You both went to Kensigton High Street and bought the most stupid UK theme hats. Harry bought a fake glasses too; it was blue and had a UK flag handed on it making you laugh every time you looked at his face.

— Come on, I still look cute! — He said putting his hands on his hips and posing like a model, on the middle of the street.

— If you say so!

Next you both went all your way up to Abbey Road which is the famous street from The Beatles photo, and you and Harry as the great fans you are had to copy them. You asked to a random person to take a photo of you two with the best American accent you could impersonate to her. The photo looked so cool and a car almost hit you two but you were fine and for some reason you both laughed and ran to the woman with your phone.

— Oh, to be drunk in love! You both are a really cute couple. — The old lady said giving your phone back to you and walked away before any of you could contest her. You both looked at each other and Harry smirked at you.

— Oh, we're such a cute couple! — Harry said blinking his eyes on a very cute way and you just rolled your eyes at him and started walking again.

— Come on, Styles! I wanna go to the Queen's Gallery — You said walking your way up to the bus stop. Harry had a big smile on his face, he didn't remember the last time he actually had that much fun. He loved England. He loved those places and he loved having this much fun with you.

In the Queen's Gallery, you and Harry tried to not make that much of a noise, it was a museum right? But it felt hard to keep it quiet because you both were taking the weirdest and funniest photos with the arts in there, for a moment you even thought you both were going to be expulsed of the location, but you didn't. None of you realized how much the time was flying and it was probably 3 pm now.

The next step was the Columbia Road Flower Market. It was probably the coolest thing of your day. You both ran around taking a lot of photos and videos. You bought one of the most delicious breads in there. You were looking at some flowers when Harry came back to you with a bunch of pink tulips on his hand, it was your favorite flowers and he knew it.

You both went to so many places actually; you went to HMS Belfast, Battersea Park, Albert Memorial, Old Spiralfields Market, Serpentine Lake, Carnaby Street and Holland Park.

When it was closer to the sunset, you went to Princess Diana Memorial Garden. It was a hard place for you. It has always been and Harry even asked if you really wanted to go there, but you did. You needed to sit down for a moment on your life and miss your mom. You were little when she died so you're probably the only one of your brothers that remember her the least.

You both lied down on the grass. It had a fresh breeze in the air, but the sun was still out, it was that golden hour moment. You rested your head on Harry's thorax looking up to the sunset orange sky above you.

— You know this can be great... If we're willing to try! — Harry said in a very low tone. He was caressing your hair with his hand analysing your face, so he could get any reaction for you.

— It would be for a while. — You said sitting up to look at his face, your faces were a few inches apart, the golden coloration on his face giving him the glow he did have naturally — But what would happen 3 years from now when someone tells you that you couldn't perform anymore? Or you couldn't release your songs? It's not right, I can't ask you this! — Harry looked away for a moment, probably trying to contain his emotions and think, just think — But we have today, we have now. Maybe we should just enjoy what we have now!

He looked back at you, directly into your eyes and again, comfortable silence. The comfortable silence Harry thought was so overrated felt right any time he was with you. He put himself closer to you if that even it's possible. His ring handed touched your cheek, eyes never distracting, you leaned in and your lips touched his. It felt magical, it felt quiet and it felt right.

The sun was out now, bringing the night and the sky full of stars. You both were by The Mall avenue, running, and dancing to the song playing backwards; it was Ophelia by the Lumineers, after that day, this song was your song and any time any of you listened to it, each other was brought up to your minds. You called it a night when you both were by the top of the London Eye, where all the big lights inspired you. When the cold breeze hit your hair and the height scared you but Harry made you feel safe.

Harry dropped you off at the castle's gate at midnight, just as he promised. You stayed by the balcony of your room until the sunrise looking at the sky because you knew that Harry was on the other side looking at the sky too thinking about how you'd never get to finish the book of you and him, and if you weren't faded to end together at least you had today.

#harry x reader #hwrryscherry #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry and y/n #harry styles and y/n #hwrryscherryxreader

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yourfavoriteagent · 4 years

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Teacher Crush Pt 3

Chapter three is here! It gets a little steamyyyyyy

Professor!Spencer x Assistant!Reader

CW: NONE

Twenty-fucking-two. How could he have these feelings for a twenty-two-year-old? Spencer thought to himself as she enjoyed her latte and he took a sip from his excessively sweet coffee.

“So, Dr. Reid-“ She began.

“Please, call me Spencer, there’s no need for the whole Doctor thing.” He laughed and let her continue.

“Alright, Spencer,” She said tentatively, she was nervous around him, he could tell by how she avoided eye contact and played with the rings on her fingers. “So you’ve been with the BAU for 15 years, you must have seen a lot in that time, huh?”

“You have no idea, we have been on six cases a month at some points, the bad guys never really stop.” He said, her eyes were beautiful, she only looked him in the eye occasionally but when she did it was magic. She had the kind of eyes you could fall into if you weren’t careful enough, you could swim in and they would restore your youth, and Spencer was trying very hard not to fall.

“So, with the many cases, what’s the craziest thing you’ve seen?” She said, “If you don’t mind my asking,”

“Of course not,” This was a pretty common question he got, people were morbidly curious, but she didn’t seem like the morbid type at all. She looked at him with a curiosity that he couldn’t explain. “Let’s see, we’ve seen some pretty rough cases with kidnappings and child predators.” He saw her wince at the thought, okay, no children. “But the ones that always get me are the murders, you have no idea how many ways there are to kill someone.” He chuckled, trying to make the subject lighter.

“Wow, does it not get to you? I mean, I like hearing about this stuff, true crime documentaries and all that, but seeing it up close and personal, that must take a toll on you.” She said, she sounded a bit sad, he hoped he hadn’t upset her.

“It was hard at first but after a while, you learn to detach yourself from it all, so the stuff you see can’t affect you personally. It’s a hard step to take but it’s the only way to get through and save the people you need to save.” He tried to give her a reassuring smile, so she knew it wasn’t all bad. The conversation switched to a lighter topic when their food came, they discussed the upcoming classes, her goals at the school, why she had chosen his course to intern for. The time passed by quickly, it made him forget all the things that worried him, he allowed himself to indulge in the feelings for her, just for a moment. They finished their food quickly but he didn’t want to leave, he didn’t want to be back in that office where he was reminded of his responsibilities and guilt of being so infatuated with her. But his fantasy where he could have her had to end at some point, he had another class to teach in less than 3 hours and still needed to prep his lesson plan, so he paid the bill and grabbed his coat.

“You didn’t have to pay, let me pay you back!” She said and reached for her purse.

“Don’t even think about it,” He smiled at her, “It’s my treat.”

“Oh, well, thank you very much Dr. Re- Spencer.” She caught herself midway through her sentence. Her flustered face made a part of him light up, he felt relaxed by her smile, he felt something he couldn’t describe with her, something magical. They reached his car and began the short drive back to campus, the two of them talking the whole way there.

Y/N’s POV

The rest of the week went by smoothly, the two of them falling into a routine, he would give you a stack of papers to either proofread or edit in the morning, after his class you two got lunch, takeout sometimes you sat down and talked, then by 7pm you were saying your goodbyes. That was your least favorite part, you hated to say it but over the past week you had seriously begun to develop feelings for Spencer, to you he didn’t feel like a mentor or a professor, he felt like a friend, maybe more.

It was Friday night, you guys were staying late to prepare the test for Monday. He ordered Chinese food to be delivered to the office so they could at least have dinner while staying late.

“This question doesn’t make sense,” She said, breaking the concentrative silence between them.

“What do you mean?” He says and reaches out his hand to take the paper from you, your hands touch briefly and you feel a fire ignite inside you, you couldn’t tell if he felt the same way. Of course, he didn’t, why would he? He’s a professor and an FBI profiler, he has much better things to do with his time than think about you. You reacted your hand quickly, too quickly.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend-“ He started.

But you interrupted “No no no! It’s not like that, I’m sorry.” You said and tried hiding your face behind your hair.

“Hey, what’s up?” He asked, he liked genuinely concerned, how could you explain to him that you had a massive crush on him and touching him had made your stomach fill with butterflies?

“It’s nothing, it’s stupid.” You say, looking up at him, there was something in his eyes, at that moment you knew you could tell him anything. He was one of the most understanding and gentle people you’d ever met.”It’s just, I just- I like you and I’m sorry that's so unprofessional and if you want to fire me please do I understand.” You say and look right back down at your lap. You didn’t say that, right? You’ve somehow been drugged and lost your goddamn mind, right?

Spencer sat in stunned silence for a moment then got out of his chair. Oh god, at least you would open the door for you on your way out. You felt sick to your stomach. But instead of heading to the door, he came to the side of your chair. He knelt to the ground next to you. You slowly turn to look at him and he brushes the hair out of your face. You stare into each other’s eyes for a moment, or maybe a millennium, you couldn’t tell anymore. Then, his lips ever so slowly came up to meet yours. It was gentle, soft like he was scared if he pushed too hard he’d shatter you like glass. You kissed him back, letting his scent engulf you, surrendering yourself to every wonderful thought you had about him. Your hand reaches for his hair and you deepen the kiss, you suppose that was his cue because he then pushed the chair out from under you and grabbed you in his arms, never breaking the kiss. Your head was spinning and your heart was fluttering. He lifted you and set you down so you were sitting on the desk, his hand explored your hair, as your tongues clashed together, your kiss had gone from gentle to passionate and aggressive like he’s been waiting for this moment his whole life. He held you like he never wanted to let you go, you held on to him the same. You could feel his soft moans on your lips, his teeth ever so gently biting them.

You separated for air for just a moment, he looked into your eyes and traced the curves of your jaw with his finger, “Is this okay?” He asks in a whisper.

“This is perfect.” You kiss him with a smile on your face, just then there is a knock on the door.

“Hello?” Someone from the other side calls.

You both freeze in place. Spencer clears his throat and says, “Yes?”

“I have a delivery. For, uh, Reid?”

Spencer sighed, you couldn’t tell if it was from relief or annoyance but you quickly flatten down your hair and sit back in your chair, Spencer opens to door and hands the man a fifty-dollar bill, grabs the bag, ad shuts the door once again.

He sets the bag down on the desk and asks, “Are you okay?”

You didn’t know how to tell him how indescribably happy you were in that moment.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds #fic

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howtoeatworms · 3 years

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Fairy Tail: The Celestial Journey

Chapter 1: The Journey Begins

It’s been one month since the war with tartaros. Magnolia has been busy rebuilding and with help from the generous amount of jewel the king has given to all those affected, almost a quarter of the town has been rebuilt.

The guild on the other hand was rebuilt in under five days thanks to the insane workload Erza forced on everyone. The craziest thing wasn’t even that. The master thought of disbanding the guild, the idea almost gave me a heart attack, But I’m glad Master changed his mind after he realized how sad everyone would be if that happened.

Everyone seems to be going back to their daily routines but some wounds are too deep to heal. It’s just not the same even now. But I’m sure things will get better soon.

I love you mama. I will talk again soon.

Lucy then put the finishing touches on the letter and put it away for safekeeping inside one of her top cabinets opposite her bed.

After having a nice warm shower Lucy was having a hard time deciding what to wear.

“I know, He can help me. Open! Gate of the little dog! Plue!” Lucy chanted as she pointed her key in the air.

In a puff of smoke what looked like to be a short, carrot nosed dog puffed into existence.

“Hmm. I haven’t worn this one in a long time, what do you think Plue?” She asked her little celestial spirit. The small little creature walked over to over a dozen outfits sitting on her bed and pointed to a blue and white outfit.

Lucy looked at the outfit Plue had chosen and gave him a big hug saying; “I knew you could help me. Thank you Plue.” Shortly after in another puff of smoke the spirit was gone.

Lucy was walking down the road to the newly rebuilt guild hall wearing a blue shirt, a short, white skirt, long brown leggings and a black sleeve with her hair tied into a long ponytail.

Before she knew it Lucy was already at the guild hall. She pushed the doors open to find the usual scenes. People drinking merrily, some checking the request board and fiends chatting.

Lucy went to sit down at an empty table right near the entrance. She smiled at all the commotion around her. Thinking of better times.

“Oh Lucy! It’s so nice to see you at the guild again. You haven’t been here for weeks.” Mirajane said as she walked over to lucy’s table.

“Yeah, it’s good to be back.” Lucy murmured looking down at the table.

“Is there anything I can order for you, Lucy?” Mirajane asked.

Lucy murmured “No thanks, mira.”

“Well, if you need anything just call.” Mirajane said as she walked off to serve another person.

Lucy looked around the guild for Natsu and Happy hoping that they could go on a mission together.

“It’s just been so long.” She said to herself. Suddenly, something caught her attention in the corner of her eye.

“Erza! We’ve been waiting 30 minutes for our beer and it’s still not here! You’re a worse waitress than Kinana!” Wakaba shouted in a semi drunken state.

“Uh, bud I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Macao replied to his long-time friend.

Just hearing the remarks by Wakaba, Erza rushed over to the table where he was seated, and like a tiger killing its prey Erza instantly jumped Wakaba.

“If it’s alcohol you want then it’s alcohol you’ll get!” Erza said as she started to force down a whole barrel of alcohol down his throat.

Lucy watched on in confusion and worry, glad to be sitting a few tables back.

“Erza being a waitress is a pretty scary thing.” Lucy nervously thought to herself.

Getting tired of sitting around Lucy got up from her seat and walked over to the request board.

“Even if I can’t go on missions with Natsu and Happy, I still need to pay rent.”

Lucy scanned the request board looking for a job suitable for both herself and her spirits. Unfortunately, she could only find dangerous jobs that would require a three-person team.

Suddenly a familiar flying, blue cat flew into the guild hall and grabbed a handful of flyers.

Lucy looked up above in surprise. “Happy it’s you! I haven’t seen you and Natsu in ages. How has he been?”

Happy looked down to see Lucy staring up at him. “I can’t talk now, Lucy! Got work to do!”

Lucy murmured, looking at the floor. “Of course, you do.”

Hours later, Lucy was working on the finishing touches on another two pages of her novel. Feeling tired, she stretched her arms and decided it was time to go to bed.

Lucy signed, lying in bed. “I spent a whole day at the guild and I didn’t even get a single job, and Rent is coming up soon too. Maybe tomorrow I might find something.”

As Lucy slept in her bed, a dream started to form in her mind.

“Puny human, no mortal can stand up to the might of the four Celestial Gods.”

“I don’t care! I need to do this so I can save my family.”

“Draco! Deal with this pest for me.”

“Yes, my lord.”

A hulking monster appeared as if out of nowhere, standing down Natsu.

“So, you’re the Celestial god everyone’s been talking about, huh?” Natsu said in a sarcastic tone.

“Natsu! Get away, you’ll die!” Lucy screamed at the top of her lungs.

The creature simply attacked, paying no attention to Lucy’s words.

“Celestial God Dragon… Roar!”

In a split second a wave of fire that felt as hot as the sun engulfed Natsu, and a split second later there was nothing left but ash.

Suddenly Lucy shot awake, she looked around, realizing she was safe in her own bed.

“It was just a dream, then?”

Lucy realized her body was shaking in fear, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Natsu…”

Lucy was sitting by the bar, drinking a coffee to try to keep herself awake. She didn’t get much sleep after she awoke from her nightmare.

“Oi Lucy! Watcha doing?” Natsu said as he draped his arm around lucy’s neck and chest, a little too close for comfort.

Lucy turned around and saw Natsu. “Natsu, it’s been so long. What have you been doing?”

Natsu looked Lucy in her eyes and said; “Oh nothing! Just missions and stuff. I need to get stronger and stronger!”

Lucy’s face lit up, and an idea popped into her head. “Since you’re here, how about we go on a mission together?”

“Sounds like a good idea.”

“Happy! Find a flyer for Lucy and us.” Natsu yelled at the top of his lungs.

“Aye sir!” Happy replied.

A large shard of ice suddenly shot through the air and hit Natsu in the head.

“What the hell was that?” Natsu yelled.

“Hey, flame brain! Leave a few jobs for the rest of us will ya!” Gray yelled.

“Huh?” Natsu grunted.

“You’re taking all the damn jobs in the guild, soon enough there won’t be any left.” Gray replied.

Natsu jumped up from his seat and yelled; “Ya got a problem with that, popsicle man!”

Gray was starting to get visibly annoyed at Natsu’s ignorance. “You know I do, weren’t you listening, dumbass.”

Natsu then suddenly punched Gray and the force of the impact destroyed a table.

“Oh, it’s on now, Natsu!” Gray yelled.

Soon enough the entire guild was their battleground, getting other wizards caught up in their brawl.

Lucy looked at them both and murmured; “They never learn, do they?”

“I feel so tired.” Lucy said as she started to yawn. “I think I’ll just rest here for a bit, Mira.”

“Don’t sleep too long.” Mira replied.

Lucy started to drift off to sleep, the guild’s noise acting as a lullaby to her.

Lucy suddenly found herself in a very familiar place. It was her father’s old mansion. She started to stroll through the lovely garden out front when suddenly she was pulled away and dragged into a terrible memory.

It was raining.

Everyone was dressed in black.

Suddenly, Lucy knew what the memory was.

It was her mother’s funeral. When Lucy looked around, she realized she was her child like self again. Small and defenseless. The wails of pain and agony were a chorus of tears Lucy wished she never had to remember again.

Then, suddenly, the dream changed. Lucy was standing in shallow water, now an adult again.

“Fix the keys… the land of the spirits.”

Lucy heard a familiar voice.

“Who are you? Why do you sound like my…”?

A figure appeared in the distance. Lucy ran to it. It was Layla.

“Mum?” Lucy murmured.

The figure turned its head to reveal a half rotting corpse, a small smile etched on its face.

“AAAHHH!!”

Lucy suddenly shot awake and her scream stopped the guild, as if everyone was frozen.

Natsu and Gray stopped fighting, Erza stopped eating her cake, all to look at Lucy.

Natsu ran over to Lucy as fast as he could, with Happy flying behind him, he ran over to the stool Lucy was sitting on.

“Mama?” Lucy said as she looked at Natsu, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Oi Lucy! Are you alright?” Natsu asked, shocked at her scream.

Lucy looked at Natsu and Happy.

She murmured; “I’m fine, I just… had a dream.

“You had us all worried sick. Are you sure you’ll alright?” Natsu questioned.

“I’m fine, really I am.” Lucy said.

Happy was floating above Lucy’s head. “Was it about tasty fish?”

Lucy slightly laughed. “No happy, it’s not about tasty fish.”

“Oh! I betcha it was about Fighting.” Natsu yelled.

“No, fish!” happy replied.

“Fighting!”

“Fish!”

Lucy walked over to master, who was sitting on one of the tables nearby.

“I’m sorry master. I’m sorry everyone. I didn’t mean to worry you all.” Lucy said sadly.

Makarov looked at Lucy with a worried look.

“There’s no need to worry, my child. We all have bad days, but the important thing is to always remember that tomorrow will be better. So, keep your head held high, for that is the Fairy Tail way.” Makarov said.

Lucy looked at the ground, not able to look master in the face. Whether that was out of shame or cowardice she didn’t know.

Moments after Makarov’s talk the guild started to liven up again, becoming its old rowdy self.

“I think I need to go home.” Lucy said.

Makarov watched Lucy walk out of the guild with concern plastered on his face. Lucy looked like she was in a haze.

Lucy barely made it home to her apartment. Walking home in a daze.

As soon Lucy entered her home, she started to undress.

“I need a hot shower… I’ll fell bet…”

She suddenly collapsed on the floor.

Lucy awoke in the same void of shallow water as before. She saw the same thing parading around as her mother.

“Who are you? Answer me! Lucy shouted nervously at the figure.

The figure moved and as it turned its head, Lucy anticipated the horrific figure from earlier. But it never came. All she saw was the beautiful face of her mother.

“Lucy, I have not seen you in years. You have grown so much since I last saw you.” Layla said.

“I don’t understand any of this, what’s going on?” Lucy asked her mother.

Layla looked at Lucy with sadness on her face.

I have been trying to contact you, I have a mission for you, a way to save Aquarius.

Lucy was shocked, she couldn’t believe what she heard.

“Let me explain, my daughter.” Layla said.

“In the northern continent, in ancient times a meteor hit and devastated the landscape, however since that day, that place has become a wellspring of power for celestial spirit wizards. Go to the celestial steppe and you will find a blacksmith that can fix any key, even celestial keys.” Layla Stated.

Lucy tried to run closer to her mother but no matter how close she got Layla would always be out of reach. “How do you know all this? Can I even trust you?”

Layla looked at her daughter with sad eyes.

“Of course, you can trust me, I’m your mother. All will be explained soon, just know that I love you, lucky Lucy.” Layla smiled and then disappeared.

Lucy woke up from her dream, determined to make it a reality.

“I’ll be with you soon, Aquarius. Just hold on a little more.” Said Lucy.

The next day Happy and Natsu were standing by the request board in the guild. They had found the perfect job for Lucy.

“I’m sure Lucy would loooove this one!” Happy yelled, with the flyer in his paws.

“I wouldn’t miss seeing Lucy looking like that for the world.” Natsu said as he grinned mischievously.

Natsu ran out the guild’s doors as fast as he could with Happy flying not far too behind.

“Hey Lucy! Me and Happy found a job that you’d really like. It pays well.” Natsu Yelled outside Lucy’s apartment window. The flyer moving in the wind.

There was a silence for a moment.

“Is Lucy not home?” happy asked.

“Nah, she’s just ignoring me. Watch.” Natsu said as he jumped from the ground to the window sill outside Lucy’s window.

Natsu pulled the wooden frame up and hoped inside, with happy flying in after him.

“She’s not here.” Said Happy, looking around.

“Well, she’s gotta be. Let’s have a look around.” Natsu told Happy.

“She’s not in here.” Happy said as he lifted up the lid for a cookie jar.

Natsu grinned. “I know where you are. I’m coming in!” Natsu ripped the shower curtain off its rod expecting to see a naked Lucy.

“Huh, she’s not even here?”

Happy flew right into Natsu’s arms with tears in his eyes. “I looked around everywhere and Lucy isn’t here. Is she okay?”

“I dunno, bud.” Natsu replied. “But something is wrong.”

“Master!”

Natsu burst through the guild hall as loud as a bull and ran up to Makarov, who was sitting on the bar top.

“What is it my boy.” Makarov asked.

Everyone looked at Natsu in confusion. Breathing heavily from running to the guild, Natsu and Happy were trying to regain their breath. “It’s…Lucy…she’s… gone!”

“Hmm, what do you mean by that Natsu.” Makarov said.

“Lucy was here and then she was gone and I can’t find her anywhere.” Natsu said quickly, panicking.

“Calm down first Natsu.” Erza replied, who was standing to the right of Makarov.

After waiting a minute for Natsu to catch his breath, he finally spoke;

“I went to Lucy’s place to tell her me and Happy had a job for her to do, But I couldn’t find her anywhere. Then we looked around Magnola hoping to find her scent, but nothing. It’s like she just disappeared.”

“Well, this is troubling.” The master said.

“This is not like Lucy at all. She can be clumsy but she wouldn’t just leave like that.” Erza said.

“Could this be an enemy targeting Lucy?” Juvia chimed in.

“It’s a possibility. After what we went through fighting Tartaros I wouldn’t be shocked if someone wanted revenge.” Gray pondered.

For a moment Makarov closed his eyes and meditated on the news.

“We’ll send out a search party to look for Lucy. Natsu, Gray, Erza, Juvia and Wendy, you all will form a search party and look for Lucy. Also, we will use your telepathy, Warren to try and locate her as well.” Master Makarov announced.

Natsu was grinding his teeth and had his fists clenched, an aura of anger surrounding him.

“Don’t worry Lucy, we’ll get you back for sure. You can count on it.”

It was one whole week after Lucy disappeared and everyone was low on spirits. The guild was as busy as ever, but it had a tinge of sadness in the air.

One whole week of searching all over Fiore and nothing showed up, not even a single hint.

Suddenly a strange, fat woman walked in the guild hall wearing Lucy’s old outfits with a wagon filled with boxes of clothes and other items.

“Isn’t that the landlady Lucy rented from?” Gray asked, pointing to the guild’s doors.

“The Landlady, why would she be here? Erza questioned.

“Is this the place where Lucy Heartfilia works?” The woman yelled.

“Yes, why?” Gray Asked.

“That brat went up and left, not even paying the rent she owes me, she left all her crap at my apartment too, So I’m dumping it here.” The woman ranted.

Natsu walked up to the landlady, looking at her with disgust. “Lucy always paid her rent on time. She always panicked about getting kicked out. This isn’t like her.”

“Well, your friend doesn’t give a crap anymore, that’s for sure.” The landlady said as she pushed all of Lucy’s belongings off the wagon and onto the floor.

Natsu stood there, clenching his fists in anger.

As the landlady started to walk out the door, she threw a letter on the ground.

“Oh, and she left this too.”

“A letter?” Natsu said as he picked it up and opened it.

Natsu couldn’t believe what he read. His hands started to shake.

“Natsu, please read aloud the letter, for all of us.” Erza said.

Dear Natsu.

“It saddens me to say this but, I’m leaving on a journey, one that is more important to me than you could ever imagine. I don’t know how long I will be gone; it could be a month or it could be a year or two.

I wish I could have stayed in the guild longer, but don’t worry, I will always be in your hearts and I will always be a member of Fairy Tail.

If you’re reading this, Natsu, then it means that I have already crossed the borders of Fiore. I will be sending this letter to my apartment, so if you ever break in be sure to read it.

Sincerely,

Lucy.

A horse drawn carriage pulled up to a stop on near the edge of a mountain. The driver rubbing his cold hands together to try to heat them.

“I’m sorry miss, but this is as far as I can take you. The blizzard is just too strong.”

A slender, young woman jumped out of the carriage and said; “It’s okay, thank you for taking me this far.” She threw a bag filled with jewel to the driver.

��Nice doing business with ya!” The driver said as he directed his horse the way they came.

Lucy fixed her scarf closer to her neck for warmth. She looked off over into the distance, everything was a flurry of white.

“I’ve finally made it to the northern continent. It looks like my journey starts now.”

#fairy tail: the celestial journey #the celestial journey #fanfic #fairy tail fanfic #nalu #fairy tail #lucy heartfilia #natsu dragneel #chapter 1 #chapter 1: The Journey Begins #juvia lockser #gray fullbuster

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mchalowitz · 4 years

Text

the woman is the king, part two

summary: a throughline of the matriarchal scullys; be they ethereal, sharp-witted, and ill-omened.

thank you to everyone who enjoyed the first part of this story! writing again has been so great and i’m excited for everyone to read where it goes from here!

part 1: melissa

part 2: dana

———

The exam room is harshly lit, brutally overclean. When the doctor gives the diagnosis, it knocks the breath out of her, and she has the audacity to declare her gratitude. How could she.

The fragility of her age comes to mind on the drive home; her eyes prickle watching her copy of her oncology referral slide across the dashboard.

Dana is only thirty-three. Melissa was only thirty-three. She ponders her mother, Maggie, at thirty-three. Her destiny already decided; along for the military ride. She was carrying the fifth Scully child that year. Their matrarical line is cursed by the thirty-third year.

She simmers with the news for a few days; plotting methods of delivering impending doom. Mulder, the usual harbinger of bad news, is the one she tells first, and she believes using a clinician’s touch might soothe her.

The pronoun that binds them, the “we” travels from his vocal cords to their air between them. When he pauses, she can fill in the blanks of how he wants the sentence to end. We can do something about this or we can fix this. The problem is, there isn’t anything to be done.

Inside her head is a glass and cancer is the water from a faucet turned all the way on. They are merely waiting for the overflow.

Tara is pregnant; she is having a boy. Her brother’s wife is thirty-three. It must be so nice, to be dubbed a Scully, and yet remain so blessed at this foredoomed age.

An appointment to be pumped with poison and Tara’s baby shower fall in the same week. What a scheduling nightmare, she jokes, when she declines the invitation with warm regards. Bill does not laugh and he buys their mother a plane ticket.

The total lack of skeletal structure takes her over, has her melted into the couch. Scully finds the initial nausea passes quickly this time. It is the wave of self-consciousness from Mulder bearing witness to this betrayal of her body that lingers.

“It must be kind of exciting,” Mulder comments. She is watching him wipe down the counter and she doesn’t remember a single time she has seen him willingly clean anything. He is not half-assing any of the responsibilities bestowed upon him by the Mrs. Scully.

“It might be more exciting if it were someone else,” Scully responds, forgoing her usual diplomatic response on the subject.

Mulder pauses, focuses in on her eyes, and in unsaid words, he nods in agreement. He throws the wet rag into the sink with a stomach-churning squelch and falls beside her on the couch.

“You know,” she adds, “Melissa always said she wasn’t going to have kids until she was forty.”

Melissa would goad her into increasingly ridiculous futures; nothing is more ridiculous than futures that will never exist. Neither of them could have predicted such an outcome.

When they were young, one Scully sister was rarely found without the other. It was only the intricacies of adult life that would split them apart. Melissa yearned for adventure; to shed ideals and expectations from their youth in far off places. Their parents envisioned a certain fate for their children, and Dana followed it, until she didn’t.

As she conjures up those conversations about where their lives would go, she realizes she cannot even remember her voice. It rolls over her like a wave, the awareness of fading memories, and it cracks her guise held barely together.

Her glassy eyes brim and she finally crumbles, feeling wholly pathetic. She lacks her usual resiliency that he is accustomed to seeing from her as she weeps, “My sister is gone and I have cancer, Mulder.”

“I know,” he says.

“I’ll miss everything,” she whimpers. The weight of mortality hits her; the decades worth of wasted holidays and the lost memory of her nephew’s birth. Scully will never stand in resolution with her partner after their tireless work for the truth. The loss of an uncomplicated life feels enormous.

She laments what she was never sure of even desiring; the two-story in the suburbs, the babies of her own, the one true love...

“Let’s get married.”

His offer hangs in the air. Scully cries a bout of nausea and bolts for the bathroom. When she emerges, Mulder is there to tuck her into bed.

The sun sets and it rises again on a new day. She comes out of the bedroom apprehensively. Finding Mulder on one knee in her hallway isn’t an idea she can rule out completely. It wouldn’t even come close to the craziest thing she has seen him do.

Sitting at the kitchen table, Mulder rubs circles into his forehead with his cell phone pressed to his ear. She gets close enough to vaguely hear the caller on the other end, listen to the outrage behind, “I couldn’t even put the kettle on without her standing right behind me. In my own home, Fox,” and making it seem as though this is the only issue in the world that matters. And Scully kind of wishes that was true.

“That’s her job, Mom,” he replies. The tone of his voice almost makes her laugh. A polite but clear get me out of here she knows well that comes out during conversations with authority figures, midwestern cops, and not unsurprisingly, mothers.

Their eyes meet, he looks at her as though she is his unsurpassable savior. He begs off the phone, making the usual adult child promises, and sets his cell phone down on the table.

Scully commends Mulder for trying to be more involved with his family since his mother’s stroke. But what a fate he has, caring for the medically and emotionally broken women in his life. He gives her a tight lipped smile and she asks, “Is everything alright?”

“Jury’s still out,” he declares with a shrug. He stands and starts walking toward the kitchen. “Can I get you anything? Water, toast, a ring?”

A certainly interesting turn of events for them, a question that could develop into an actual conversation about the night before.

“Mulder.”

“We could get married, Scully.”

“This is so like you, Mulder. This is your stream of consciousness decision making,” she counters. Scully flattens her hands on the table, takes a breath, and attempts to change her tone to sound a little more kind. “I know the idea that I’m dying is bleak. But there are implications to getting married. I couldn’t do that to you.”

Scanning Mulder’s eyes, Scully can see he understands what she means by implications. “Don’t think about that,” he tells her finally, “If you really believe this is the end, what do you still want to experience?”

Scully’s eyes flash away, toward the door. Four years ago, she stood in that spot, and assured her sister unequivocally of her absolute disinterest in dating her new partner. Even if he were just a guy.

Selfishness has often forced a wedge between them; a precursor to many experiences they would have as partners. His brilliance and humanity drew her in then, not unlike the way it does now. When the question was posed--just any guy--their debates were thrilling, a little flirtatious even, and now they can absolutely infuriate her, but she respects his ideals, and she knows that sentiment is reciprocated.

On occasion, Scully is even a little selfish, and allows herself to appreciate just a guy with a little flop of hair that falls onto his forehead, and with the most charming smile.

Whether it be guilt or admiration, Mulder wants her to experience everything before it gets taken away. She can admire the altruism.

Mulder doesn’t ask again, he only suggests. And she accepts.

The commencement of their marriage is without fanfare in a government building on a Friday afternoon with grocery store flowers and a safe kiss on the cheek to clinch the deal. There are no rings but he holds her left hand as they bound down the courthouse steps. During their late lunch at a local diner, the waitress notices their attire, and offers them a free slice of pie, any flavor they want, because it is a special occasion.

A few paces ahead of her on the way to the car, Mulder opens her door. “Your getaway car, my bride,” he teases. The smile on her lips quickly fades. His jovial face morphs to confusion.

But it’s the drip. Blood splatters on the clean, clear plastic protecting their chocolate cream. She tries to maneuver for her purse but he quickly procures tissues from the inside pocket of his jacket.

He squats next to the passenger side of the car and holds tissues to the nose of his bride.

Something is weirdly, intangibly incorrect.

It starts with weekend plans. Mulder is already well aware of her singular escape, her monograph for the Penology Review, with its looming deadline coming up.

He normally makes comments about her unwavering professionalism. It is a mutual agreement to keep their marriage to themselves. The federal government has no investment in the inner workings of their lives; they are legally married and they both know that could easily mean reassignment for both of them. It doesn’t stop him from sneaking in a few witticisms for his own amusement.

Mulder knocks. That’s weird.

The wine is truly suspicious. Except for the occasional beer, Mulder was never much for alcohol to begin with, but what is especially bizarre is the sudden lack of concern over her doctor’s recommended meal plan. He had been following it down to the last letter, and while a glass of wine is not exactly forbidden, it is not the first item on their shopping list.

“We never really talk much, do we?”

Admittedly, the shared looks and delicate touches of silent communication is where they excel, but the question is still somewhat puzzling. Since beginning a routine of casual marital cohabitation, she believes they talk quite a bit. The minutiae of everyday life is often a topic of conversation in ways it never has been.

Scully still plays along by agreeing that, no, they don’t talk. She sips wine and tells him true-ish stories of Marcus, the prom date of a Scully, but not herself, and the infamous pumper truck scandal involving her brother Charlie.

Romantic intimacy has not exactly been a component of their marriage and she has found that cancer does not make one feel like the most desirable of specimens. He has never expressed anything to make her believe he feels anything for her beyond friendship, despite the deep affection they share.

He leans in now; his eyes closed and head cocked. Kissing him isn’t a repulsive idea, but it just seems off, because Mulder is acting so strangely out of character.

Scully scrambles off the couch to get away from the man that is so clearly not her partner. Absolutely horrified, she stares at Mulder, and has no reservations when he steps forward to cuff the pathetic and vile man that invades her living room.

Many lines have still not been crossed and she doesn’t think they ever will be. The cancer is still aggressively present with the treatments doing very little.

Scully prepares herself for the eventuality of hospitalization, potentially for good, and it is very tempting to keep that from Mulder, to allow them to remain in their bubble, but she knows that isn’t fair.

Her car idles on the street outside Harold Spuller’s care home and three soft raps sound on her driver’s side window. She sucks in air deeply and wipes the tears from her cheeks before rolling down the window.

“I didn’t mean for things to get so heated back there.”

“Me neither,” she agrees. When her eyes flash up to his, so guilty and fond, her words fall out in a tumble, unable to prolong this evasion of the truth any longer. “I don’t know why I lied to you. I’m not fine. My treatments aren’t working and my doctors don’t think another round will change that.”

“I’m in this with you, Scully.”

“I know you are,” she affirms. She ducks her head down toward the steering wheel, like a little girl caught eating dessert before dinner. “I’m tired, Mulder.”

“I’ll follow you.”

His headlights shine in her rearview mirror, trailing behind all the way back to where they began this night in Georgetown. Arriving in the apartment, she shuts the door behind them, and informs him, “I’m going to take a shower,” and he nods, reaching forward to squeeze her shoulder. He loosens his tie and starts meandering toward the bedroom.

The phantom ghost of his touch remains on her shoulder and it reminds her of his romantic soul that she is only now been introduced to. Mulder is more emotionally open and affection than she is. He treats her like a wife. They are married, after all.

Their marital bliss is of their own design; enjoyably innocent with its lack of certain intimate elements left largely undiscussed. However, there is delight to be found in mere shared company. With a no-work policy now enacted in her home, the opportunity to see funnier, more relaxed, and domestic sides of each other often makes it feel as though their marriage could be real.

An unspoken agreement to live this arrangement without rules creates something representative of authentic matrimony. Ignoring the initial awkwardness when sharing a bed leads to the normalization of pressing into his warm side each night; falling asleep faster and deeper. Leisurely playing with his hair while reading on the couch one evening introduced a few form of relaxation they both enjoy. He even calls her “honey” occasionally, and she must admit, it makes her feel pleasantly warm to hear it.

It wasn’t right to keep him out of the loop.

Sitting on the tile shower floor, Scully washes the last six hours from her skin. In an attempt to prove to herself, to everyone, that she can still do this, she pushes herself too far. The best decision for the case was to take down the nurse. For her fragile body, not as much.

A small box sits on top of her towel. She picks it up, weighing it gently in her palm.

Mulder already lies innocently under the covers and appears deeply enthralled in his nighttime reading. He looks very youthful and sweet in his wire-framed glasses and his large feet poking out at the end of the bed. She presents the box in question and inquires, “Mulder, what’s this?”

“Hmm?” he murmurs. He glances up briefly, taking off his glasses. “Oh. Wedding present.”

Eyebrows drawn together in confusion, she sits down on top of the comforter, and cautiously opens the box. Her eyes fall on a gorgeously dainty bracelet with a small diamond affixed to a silver chain.

“I don’t know what to say,” Scully finally admits. Mulder smiles, wordlessly leaning forward to close the distance between them. His kiss finally comes with soft lips and firm resolve.

A keen ear kept on the exchange occurring in the hallway, Scully hears the malice in “let her die with dignity,” the intense intent to guilt. Since childhood, Bill has been masterful at identifying a scapegoat.

Appearing at her bedside, Scully takes her brother’s hand. It has been quite some time since they were together in person and she is aware she should focus on the grand gesture of his presence. But they have always sparred on injustice and she just witnessed him as the purveyor.

“I don’t want you to talk to him like that,” she tells him.

It takes almost nothing to generate a quarrel between the two of them. “You keep defending him, Dana, and I don’t see what there is about him to protect,” Bill argues. “You wouldn’t even be in this situation if...”

“Fox has been very helpful,” Maggie interrupts. Their mother is well versed in deescalating the disputes of Dana and Bill; the oil and water of the Scully children. “Bill, sit down and be civil.”

Where Mulder pushes, Bill pulls, and Dana is left somewhere in the middle. Something akin to a jealous feud brews between the two men in her life; each vying for the role of ultimate fixer. It is only when Mulder orchestrates the impossible that her brother cannot deny the miracle.

Most conversations were plans for a comfortable end or perhaps a prolonged, managed experience. The concept of remission, a life without the dark cloud of cancer, was a possibility never even considered.

The day of her discharge finally arrives after a final weeklong observation of her progress, and Mulder, as a now regular fixture of the post-critical care ward, shows up to her room early as usual. He drops a bag on her empty hospital bed. “I brought you some clothes from your apartment,” Mulder informs her. “Unfortunately I couldn’t find anything as uniquely versatile as the hospital gown.”

“I appreciate the effort,” she smiles, ripping open the plastic bag.

Scully can feel an awkwardness emanating from him with three feet between them. She is taking stock of the items he provided when he finally speaks, “Listen, I can be out--”

With a week to discuss the topic, neither of them were brave enough to allow it. The last thing Scully wants Mulder to believe is she married him to take advantage of a kindness he extended to her. It was done with such a different outcome in mind; a selfless act with an outcome to be bathed in heartache.

Now, there is no plan on how to approach where things will go from here. Scully didn’t ever think she would be in a position to have to consider it.

At the very least, they deserve time to enjoy a lack of this particular impending doom.

“Should we get dinner tonight?”

If there is anything they deserve more of, it is time.

It is health.

It is stability.

#x files #xf fic #dana scully #fox mulder #msr

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goldenmazzello · 4 years

Text

Lay all your love on me | Part 1

(I don't own this gif. Credits to the owner)

Warning: Flashbacks. Language. Mentions of poor mental health, angst.

W/C: 2.8k.

A/N: Hello! This is the first part of Lay all your love on me. You can find the next parts on my pinned masterlist here.

MASTERLIST

Your last day on set has finally arrived. It's amazing how time flies when you're busy doing things you really love, surrounded by magnificient people. It makes you forget about your every day routine and to have some fun from time to time.

Everybody was getting their make-up done for the last day of filming. As you entered the trailer in order to get yours done, a sweet, delicate voice called you.

"(Y/n)! Are you ready for our last day?" Lucy asked with a bright smile on her face while sitting on her personalized black chair, which had her name written at the back.

You smiled. "To be honest, I'm not doing too well, I'm gonna miss you guys so much." You said with a pouty face. Lucy said she would miss all of you too.

“Oh, nice baby bump!”

You furrowed your brows but then you remembered. You were wearing a fake silicone belly, since your character was going to be pregnant in that scene.

“Yeah, he’s kicking so hard.” You joked.

You sat on your chair as your assistant helped you put your wig. You laughed at your reflection in the mirror. "I still can't used to this wig." You found it odd to wear a blonde wig.

“At least they didn’t give you a perm!” Joe appeared holding two cups of coffee on each of his hands. “Here you have, my wonderful wife.” he approached you and gave you one of the cups. You laughed at his comments.

“Thank you, Mr. Deacon.” You thanked him and left a kiss on his cheek.

Joe bringing you coffee on set every morning became a habit, one you were very delighted with. He was so kind with you that you swore your heart could just melt for every little thing he did for you.

And while drinking your coffee, you remembered your very first day on set and how you and Joe started talking.

Filming had already started by your first day on set. Today, you would meet the entire cast of the wonderful movie you were going to take part in. You felt an overwhelming joy for being part of such an incredible project, not only because it was a big step in your career as an actress, but also because you were a Queen fan. And it was your very first time in London.

Your very first scene was Freddie’s birthday party. You greeted all of your new cast mates before paying attention to the director’s indications.

You sat between two of your cast mates. One of them was wearing a long-haired blonde wig and the other a long-haired brown one with a strange fringe. You were wearing a wig as well. It was a black-haired one with a fringe and low pony tails falling over your shoulders. Your eyes had a beautiful emerald eye-shadow which you weren’t very comfortable with but you didn’t care, you were another person now, it was your job.

As they started filming, you kept a conversation with the actor that played John Deacon’s role, your husband, of who you didn't remember his name. You smile at each other and them you both joined the conversation that the others were having about Freddie’s life as his mom stood up and looked for family pictures.

The director decided to take some breaks in between the scenes. It was a good opportunity to introduce yourself and to make some new friends.

“Hey, nice to meet you. I’m Ben.” said the blonde one who was next to you and you told him your name. The other actors joined him and all of you started talking. There was something strange in one of them, the one who was next to you and introduced himself as Joe. Why was he talking so weird?

“Why are you doing a bad American accent?” You asked him laughing. He furrowed his eyebrows and opened his mouth but didn’t say anything, he looked as if he was trying to find the words to say. “B-but, t-that’s my voice.” he said confused.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry.” You said and covered your face with your hands. That’s why you don’t have friends, stupid, you said to yourself.

Your face was burning and you felt absolutely embarrassed. How long have you been on set? Three hours? And you were already causing trouble.

He laughed. “Nevermind. What an awesome compliment. I mean, I’ve been working on it so hard and you thought that I was actually British but...What’s wrong with my voice? I think it’s a pretty convincing American accent. Anyway, thanks for the compliment.”

“I’m really really sorry, I don’t know why I said that.” Your face was still red. You wished the Earth would swallow you, you wanted to disappear from his sight. He put his hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, you don’t need to apologize. I really meant what I’ve said, it was a nice compliment, I’m prouder of myself now!” He assured you and gave you an expression that indicated everything was okay and there wasn’t anything bad at what you had said, he wasn’t mad at that.

You weren’t very convinced but after getting closer to him the following days, you realized that he was telling you the truth and there wasn’t anything you should worry about. After that, you both talked about each other’s lives. You found out he lived in New York, just as you. He was from there but you were from New Jersey. You told him how you ended up moving to New York to study and work on your acting career. Since that day, you both became very good friends. And the same thing happened with Ben, Gwilym, Rami and Lucy, you became close to them because of your new friendship with Joe.

“Let’s take a picture for Instagram.” Joe suggested. You stood next to him, with your right hand covering half of your mouth showing surprise and Joe put one of his hands on your fake belly and the other did the same as yours.

Lucy took the photo.

@Joe_Mazzello: Say hi to the Deacon family! @(y/n)(y/s/n) #BohemianRhapsody #Queen #DeaconFamily

The director was giving the last indications for the scene. We will rock you. You were on a sofa next to Joe, having a conversation as Ben did the same with the actress who played his wife and the one who was Gwilym’s wife sat there looking at him, while he was looking at Rami, completely annoyed. The girls were very good actresses but unfortunately, they weren’t very close to the rest of the cast and won’t be joining the future tour press since they have another projects in the pipeline.

“You look so funny in that blonde wig.” Joe teased you, knowing that you hated it.

Actually, Joe wanted to tell you that you looked beautiful, as always, but he wasn't bold enough to do it.

"Shut up or I'll take your wig off." You threatened him, he mocked you and rested his head on your shoulder.

And after that, Gwilym ordered everybody to join him. He came up with the beat of a new song he had been working on. Suddenly, all of you were clapping your hands at the third beat as Rami appeared and apologized for being late. He asked what was going on and Gwilym explained he wanted to give the audience a song they could perform and be part of it and you all began to sing and clap your hands.

"Cut!" The director shouted.

And everything was done. There were no scenes left, nothing else. After that, Rami suggested to go and have coffee. All of you were sat on the floor and drinking your coffee.

"I can't believe it's our last day." You said.

"I still remember the very first time you were on set." Gwilym said. "And the odd American accent." he moved his gaze from you to Joe and laughed.

"Oh no, please, I'm still ashamed of that." You begged him not no bring that back.

Memories from set were mentioned as you took a sip of coffee. You had a big smile on your face as you remembered probably one of the best days of your life and the best memory on set.

"Who's coming over?" You asked Rami, who was taking his crown off and put in on your head, you laughed.

"I don't know, darling. Maybe some fans." He shrugged. He got used to talking like Freddie.

After Freddie's party scene in Garden Lodge, the director suggedted to take a break and said that they had some guests on set that day.

"I thought we were going to film the I want to break free music video now." Gwilym said thoughtful with his hand on his chin.

"Hey mates, look who are here today!" Ben said as he, Joe and Lucy stood next to you, Rami and Gwilym and pointed at the door.

You couldn't believe your eyes when you saw them.

Brian May and Roger Taylor were a few feet away from you. Brian and Roger, from Queen, your favorite band, your idols.

"Hey folks, How are you doing today?" Asked Brian with a charming smile.

Everybody greeted them but you. You were in shock, your face was as white as a sheet and your jaw was slacked. Lucy seemed to notice you and held your hand.

Joe put his hand in your back and rubbed it softly. “Let’s go outside and catch some fresh air.”

“Hey, who’s this pretty lady?” Roger asked. He took off his black glasses.

“(Y/n) are you okay?” Lucy asked worried and the four men next to you turned to look.

Oh God, you were absolutely nervous. Never in your craziest dreams you thought about having this opportunity. You knew that Brian and Roger sometimes visited the set but you didn’t think they would do it a day you were there.

“I-I-I’m (Y/n)...” you extended your shaky hand. “Oh sorry for this, but I’m a big fan of Queen and...Oh God I can’t believe it!” Roger laughed and took your hand and shook it. You thought you were going to faint. You could feel your knees weaken.

“No! I’m okay” You were shaking.

“Wow, it’s nice to meet you. I’ve seen some pictures of you here on set with these amazing people, you’re doing amazing.” He said and Brian nodded.

“We’re finally meeting!” Brian said and you smiled with watery eyes.

Joe wondered what made you deal with so much pain, you'd never said anything about that. He felt his heart broke at the mere thought of you being in pain.

Brian and Roger were absolutely grateful for your words.

“I feel like I’m dreaming.” You laughed nervously. “You guys don’t have an idea of how much I appreciate you, your music helped me to heal so much pain and I will be forever grateful for that. I wanna show you something.” You said as you uncover your left wrist from your sleeve. You had a beautiful butterfly tattooed and under it, a lyric from one of your favorite songs by Queen, Spread your wings. “I’ve had this for over 12 years now and one of my biggest wishes was to show it to both of you someday and to thank you for everything."

“I’m glad our music help you in any possible way.” Brian said “And your tattoo is amazing. John would be very pleased If he saw it” You smiled.

“I love it.” Roger said. “Hey Bri, why don’t we take a photo with her for Instagram?”

“That would be nice.”

Oh my God.

"Let me be your photographer." Rami asked Brian for his phone and took some photos of your tattoo and others of you with them. A few minutes after that, your phone buzzed. Queen has tagged you on a post.

@OfficialQueenMusic: “So glad to meet a fan today that will be part of our upcoming movie. Thank you for sharing your story with us @(y/n)(y/s/n) #BohemianRhapsody”

That was, by far, the best day of your entire life.

“Hey, come back to Earth, where are you?” Ben asked moving a hand in your face. You shook your head.

“I was thinking about the first time I met Brian and Roger.” You blushed and he laughed.

“Oh, the day you almost pass out” Ben joked and you slapped him on his arm. “Hey, Am I telling a lie?”

“Of course I almost pass out, my eyes were lucky to see Brian and Roger in person.” You and Ben giggled.

“I’m going to miss you, do you know that?” Ben asked.

“So do I!” You hugged him. Smiling. "You know I'm going to visit you."

Those weeks on set made you realize how lucky you were to find such incredible people. After years and years of being alone in your misery. After the countless nights you cried yourself to sleep and feeling like a piece of shit for being so alone in this world, everything was making sense now.

You never told them about what you had been through. Being a teenager wasn’t easy. You wanted people to destroy the concept that your teenage years are supposed to be fun and those are the best years of your life because when you hit your late 20s, responsibilities are hard to manage and everything seems to be falling apart. Why couldn’t you be happy now?

Now, that you were 30, that everything was left behind. You wished you could say that you were a happy teenager and you didn’t have to fake a smile and pretend everything was okay. There were days you barely could get out of your house and see other people, or even worse, some days you couldn’t get out of bed and shower because there wasn’t any motivation at all. And no one understood. No one knew how hard it was being you, having such an stressful life that you worried about every little thing and it seemed you would never be at peace. You never felt safe. How hard it was to interact with others without thinking that they just did it to be nice to you or that they were desperately waiting for you to shut your fucking mouth. Isolation didn’t feel right. Loneliness didn’t feel right. Nothing felt right at all. You couldn’t keep pretending to be happy, you needed a reason to keep holding on, something that made you believe that your life was going to change, you wanted to be back on your feet and to know that all of that pain was gone.

Maybe it wasn’t so hard to be you, and eventually, you would find out where you belonged. You felt it was taking forever and you couldn’t wait for things to get better. You knew that someday things would be better and that your day would come. Sometimes you wished someone would save you, but you knew that you had to save yourself. If only you could find what you've been looking for. "How could this happen to me? "was the only thing that was always on your mind. You were sick of this life, you wanted to scream. You felt out of place, you were sick of feeling so left out.

And at that moment, you knew that your 18-year-old-self would be proud of you. Proud of the woman you had become and that now, all of your worries were left behind. You didn’t have to worry about that again, but it was still hard to open your heart and tell people about it. You weren’t embarrassed, it was part of you, part of your story but you didn’t want people to pity you.

You didn’t realize you were almost crying until Joe spoke.

“What’s going on?” He hugged you. Your vision was blurry, it was difficult for you to see clearly. You wiped your tears with your thumb and you chuckled.

“I’m very emotional today. I’m grateful for everything that this movie brought me, especially the five of you.”

There was a broad smile on Joe’s face. “Well, I’m glad you say that because you won’t get rid of me so easily, huh?” He joked. Joe always knew how to make you smile. But he was right, you lived like 30 minutes away from him, you would see each other everyday. “I have a list of places we’re visiting after coming back to New York.”

“That’s why I love you.” You hugged him again. He smiled.

Joe felt something on his chest. He wished that I love you meant something else than being loved as a friend, but at the same time, he didn’t want to feel like this, he didn’t want to be in love again. Since his last girlfriend cheated on him with his friend, he couldn’t feel anything for someone. All of his dates failed and he decided to take some time for himself.

But there was something Joe couldn’t deny, when you were near, everything seemed so easy, he could look into your eyes and forget the world.

“I love you even more.”

#joe mazzello x reader #joe mazzello #joe mazzello fic #joe mazzello fluff #joe mazzello imagine #joe mazzello fanfic #joe mazzello angst #borhap cast x reader #borhap cast #borhap boys x reader #borhap boys #joe mazzelo x reader #goldenmazzello

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archived-gtronpa-account · 4 years

Note

sometimes i think about how dice would react if kokichi randomly grew like fifty feet tall,,, they’d still love him but it would be pretty funny

HONESTLY g/t Kokichi and Dice is criminally underrated smh I'm glad someone else is thinkin bout it

But yeah huuu… before getting to the part where they dote on their giant leader I just kinda wanna think like how Kichi would react to that… cuz you know how in one of his fte's he said that they'd be better off without him/wouldn't care if he died (? Something along those lines ?) Like in this situation he'd still think they wouldn't want him around. so I'm thinking if he suddenly grew big-mean-villain-sized, he'd prolly like just up and run off to hide somewhere. I just love to think that even he doesn't show it and still acts like a fckin cloWn around others, giant kichi feels like a big ugly scary monster and would rather stay on his own than let anyone near him, and that could work with most of his classmates they wouldn't really care enough to try and get close to him so he thinks even his dice group would be the same but holly heck no they absolutely wouldn't leave him alone gosh that's so cute

Hhehehehhheez imagine the scene bro,,, Kokichi wakes up in the middle of the night with his body screaming in pain he feels weird and uncomfortable and it's like chains r tugging at his limbs to rip them off and it's awful and all and he's curled in on himself breathing raggedly flinching his eyes shut, when the pain subsides he looks around and chaos meets him, there's debris all over and below him and he's seeing everything from a helicopter pov but his feet still meet the ground. it's like he's a kid in the middle of a doll town except there are living people in this little doll town and it's terrifying and he has no idea what to do but he reaches down with shaky hands to see if anyone got caught and hurt in the mess he did, when he sees that no one got injured -or worse- it does little to calm him down. if he doesn't get away immediately someone will come and see him like that- then an image pops in his mind of his dice group standing at his feet with their necks craned up looking at him in horror before running off. he doesn't want to see that, he doesn't want the people he loves the most to leave and he won't let that happen so he runs to hide from them.

And he's a criminal genius and used to hiding and deceiving people so when he goes to a remote location he doesn't even think anyone could possibly find him- he knows dice will try but he knows each and every single one of them better than they know themselves, he can think ten steps ahead of them so they can't catch up to him. They'll get tired of looking and leave him alone and it'll be for the best for everyone. Yet they baffle him when they find him after a while- later they tell him that it's because they too know him better than he knows himself and know how he thinks when he's distressed, but at the very moment they find him their first reaction is discomfort and skepticism 😔 they aren't sure if this giant boy really is their Kokichi maybe someone is trying to cause havoc in their group, but if he really is Kokichi then they don't want to leave alone,,, like this. They're a lil unsure but they try to talk to him understand what happened. And Kokichi feels satisfied that he was right and they're afraid and they don't want to see him but that satisfaction is a bitter lie he's telling himself as comfort but the truth his that he doesn't want to see them like this so he keeps trying to push them away

But dice slowly sees past the bitterness and recognizes Kokichi's distrust and paranoia and their own distrust melts away and leaves room for relief. They slowly shift from interrogatory to fussing over their giant leader for running off without a warning n leaving them so worried. But they know Kichi won't believe their concern for him and if they try to be too supportive too suddenly he'll get paranoid and push them away thinking they're tricking him even if they only want to help, so they'll agree to move things slow nd gentle with their scared giant leader.

See the uhee afro guy? yea he kinda looks like second in command and kinda serious and professional (as professional as a criminal harlequin with an afro can be) I can kinda see him being the most collected in the situation and the first dice member Kichi feels a lil comfortable around- he likes to see him lead the group and keep his head cool in such crazy situation it's comforting normalcy. And the uh gal with super long hair who's curled up in the back on that dice group pic? (The one who for some obscure reason is the fandom fave) like yea she looks like the youngest member I can see her being kinda playful n affectionate and be all over Kokichi always climbing on him nestled in his hair or poking him around nd clinging to him and joking and playing around and Kokichi hates it cuz all that love and acceptance has to be a lie, no one can trust Kokichi Ouma when he's a short whimpy high school boy and no one could ever possiblity trust Kokichi Ouma when he's a giant monster who can hold human lives in the palm of his hand.

One thing dice agrees on is to never leave Kokichi completely alone- they know he'll try to leave again if he finds the occasion so they make sure to keep an eye on him (they also obviously want to keep him company in these trying times) and Kokichi can see that effort to keep him put and he doesn't like it. he doesn't like how they're pushing it with their lie of caring about him and wanting to be around him. he could leave if he really wanted to but somewhere buried deep in him he still longs for their company and comfort even if he's afraid of their betrayal- but he's really desperate so even if it's risky he trusts them just a little to stay with him and goodness, of course they don't disappoint.

No matter what happens after that and no matter how long he stays like that (even if it's forever irreversible) dice is sticking with their leader. they push and prod him around to go back to their routine and drag him to go make new pranks- it's a little hard to adjust to his new size but they do their best to work around it and even make use of it to pull the craziest stunts. all in all they do whatever they can to get Kokichi to be comfortable with them and with himself and they're there for him like he was always there for them cuz he loves them and they all love him too and no matter how hard it's to get through to him they'll show him their honesty n loyalty and prove he can trust them and gosh im not into the whole power of love shtick but let the boy be happy dang it!!

Haha and of course there's the flips side of shrinking ouma and dice,,, but the world isn't ready for that discussion yet.

#gt #gtronpa #danganronpa #ndrv3 #kokichi ouma #dice #giant!kokichi #ask #headcanon

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thirstforfleck · 4 years

Text

I Had the Craziest Dream ~ Arthur Fleck x Reader

summary: arthur has a hard time convincing himself that you are real and not just in his head. a date with you proves otherwise

warnings: none? brief mentions of nudity

word count: 1,358

notes: finally finished this piece. the summary is really crappy, but I wasn’t quite sure what else to put. The ending is meh. I was inspired by the song “I Had the Craziest Dream” by Harry James and his Orchestra and vocals by Helen Forrest. Here’s the song if you want to listen to it. This is written with a female love interest in mind. I hope you enjoy :)

Arthur was convinced you weren’t real. He had visions of angels resembling you before you had even met. And yet, here you were.

Your hair was spread on your pillow like the sun’s rays. Your mouth slightly agape as you snoozed. Arthur found you most beautiful at your most vulnerable. You were reminiscent of a Renaissance marble sculpture: delicate and exquisite. A goddess, in simple terms. He had to resist the urge to kiss you. He didn’t want to wake you. Arthur grabbed his journal off the nightstand next to him. Perhaps he would sketch your soft, bare body bathing in the sunlight that shined through the curtains.

Flipping through his journal, Arthur glanced at his past entries and sketches. Dark words filled the majority of pages. Disturbing pornographic images, whether drawn by him or pasted from nudie magazines, were glued randomly throughout. The occasional black holes, made by repetitive anger-filled pen strokes, were found scribbled over top journal entries or a porn model’s face. As he got closer to a blank page, he spotted an entry titled ‘Beutiful Girl’. He smiled to himself. This was his first entry about you.

You had met in the lobby downstairs months ago. You had just gotten off work, Arthur had guessed, and were standing in front of the elevator. Your arms were crossed in frustration, rightfully so. The building was dilapidated, built in ancient times it seemed. The elevator was taking longer than usual. You were tapping your foot impatiently. Your hair was tousled from the wind. Arthur waited alongside you.

You looked to him and shook your head. “Can you believe this place?” you said in disbelief. “I may have to start taking the stairs.”

Arthur couldn’t say much. He was struck by your beauty. Your limpid eyes were the first feature he noticed. Bright and clear, sparkling like daylights’ reflection on a calm body of water. Your lips looked plush, alluring. Arthur snapped himself out of his daydream and managed to croak out, “Yeah, it’s awful.”

Your heavenly lips formed a soft smile and Arthur’s heart skipped a beat. The ding of the elevator interrupted his thoughts. You both get on together, standing on opposite sides. “Which floor?” you asked, pressing the number 8.

“8,” Arthur said shyly.

“Hey, me too!” you grinned. “We’re practically neighbors.”

Arthur thought his heart would burst out of his chest. Someone was being polite to him, interacting with him positively. To Arthur, it didn’t seem like you were doing it just to be nice either. Your smile was unlike any other he had received in his life. The only word he could describe it was “warm”.

The doors opened to the 8th floor and you stepped out. You looked over your shoulder and made eye contact with Arthur. “See ya around, stranger,” you softly spoke with a wink.

“Bye,” Arthur spoke softly. You made a right down the hallway, and he made a left. He raced to his apartment with a pounding in his chest. He rushed to his journal after slamming the door shut. He flipped it open to the first empty page and began to write.

Beutiful Girl

I just met the most beutiful girl. I don’t no her name. All I no is that she is very nice and prety. She is the nicest person I hav met in a long time. She smild at me! And we liv on the same floor. I hope she is reel.

He saw you again, and again, and again. He found out what your name was. It was the prettiest name he had ever heard. You laughed at his jokes. You showed that you cared about his personal life. He didn’t know if his mind was playing tricks on him or if you were truly real. Someone as gorgeous and kind as you just didn’t exist, right?

He had his first dream about you. He barely slept, let alone had dreams. When he awoke, he rolled out of bed and scribbled in his journal.

I Had the Crazyest Dreem

Y/N was in my dreem. My first dream I’ve had in a long time. We wer dancing to Harry James and Glenn Miller. She smild at me. She playd with my hair. She was in love with me. I kissd her and she kissd me back. I want to kiss her so bad. I want to dance with her so bad. I still do not no if she is reel or not. If she is reel, I want to touch her and hold her and kiss her. How long must I wate until I no if she is reel? I hope my dreem comes tru.

Arthur’s dream did indeed come true. He gained some much needed confidence and invited you to one of his gigs at Pogo’s. You accepted. You thought his jokes were sweet, mostly cheesy. Afterwards, he took you out to a diner. It was late, after midnight. You were one of the few couples still out and about on a Tuesday night. Arthur made you laugh some more with a few jokes he had hidden from his routine.

You stared intensely at him, your eyes peering from above your cup of tea that touched your lips. He sucked on the end of his cigarette, his cheeks hollowing. His eyes met yours, a cloud of smoke leaving his lips. You reached your hand out and caressed his wrist that rested on the table. Arthur tensed up slightly, but eased when you stroked small circles into his worn skin.

“Arthur, thank you for a great night. I’ve really enjoyed myself,” you smiled.

Arthur grinned, holding back the tears that almost brimmed his eyes. “I have too, Y/N.”

Walking back home, you held hands and shared sweet side glances. You made it back to your building on Anderson Avenue. You squeezed his hand as you rode the elevator together. His cheeks flushed pink and you smiled cheekily. Arthur walked you to your room first. You put his arms around him, resting your head on his shoulder. You could feel Arthur was hesitant on what to do. No one had ever hugged him before besides his mother on occasion. He rested his arms around your waist and pulled your chest flush against his. His cheek laid on the top of your head.

He had been waiting for this moment. He could feel your body heat radiating, your heart beating softly. You breathed in the fresh scent of your hair. How wonderful it felt to finally hold you.

“Arthur?” he heard you murmur from his shoulder.

“Yes?” he asked softly.

He felt your head move so he lifted his cheek. You gazed at him, your hands tracing his spine. “Can I… kiss you?” you asked him.

Arthur was speechless. You wanted to kiss him. To kiss you would make his day, his week, his year, his whole life. This would be his first kiss. That was something you hadn’t discovered yet. He was too embarrassed to tell you yet.

Arthur stammered. “Y-yeah. Y/N, y-you can kiss me whenever you want.”

You giggled, pursing your lips and planting them on his. His first instinct was to hold your face in his hands. His thumbs stroked your cheekbones as he kissed back. You hummed into the kiss, clearly enjoying yourself. Your fingers danced up his back and tangled into his hair. Arthur smiled as his lips brushed against yours. You broke away for air, your eyes still shut. You bit your bottom lip as you found his eyes. They were large and puppy-dog like, almost pleading with you to kiss him again. You granted his wish.

A soft touch halted his memory. You were upright in bed now, brushing his hair away from the nape of his neck. “Good morning, darling,” you whispered, your hot breath giving him goosebumps. You peppered his neck in kisses. “What are you up to?”

Arthur closed the journal with a chuckle. “Just reading some old dreams I had.”

“Oh, yeah?” you enthused. “Do you have a favorite dream?”

Arthur’s gaze locked with yours. “You.”

lovelies who wanted to be tagged: @freewriterofdarkness @bring-your-holy-water @flowerglitterwoman @arthurflecksgirl @mr--clown

#my writing #joker #arthur fleck #joker x reader #arthur fleck x reader #joker imagine #arthur fleck imagine #fanfic #joaquin phoenix

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yvesapphic · 5 years

Text

ioi - ot11 as your girlfriends

request: can you write about how it would be like dating the ioi members? 😳

note: omg i miss them so fucking much (especially pristin, dia and gugudan girls) i hope you enjoy this! i made this shorter than my girlfriend series bc it’s 11 members and this post would be GIANT

Nayoung

oh girl

she acts so tough outside but really open up with you

the most caring and supportive girlfriend to ever exist

watching nayoung all those years you can say she is always seeking for new feelings

so there would be no routine with this girl

always has the best and craziest date ideas

would do anything to make you happy and proud of her

Chungha

as i said on this post, she’s a baby

you’d always come to watch her dance practices

a very playful girlfriend

teasing every time

chit-chat all night long with you

has defitely a confident aura around her and you being her girlfriend only makes her more confident

because you’re the prettiest girl she’ve ever seen

Sejeong (I love her so much shit)

the romantic one

the type to write songs about you

i can see sejeong dating a friend so your relationship would be even stronger if it starts as friends

loves to refer to you as “my girlfriend” bc the world needs to know she’s yours

is passionate about anything that you do, really

she’s a blessing

cherish you 25/8

Chaeyeon

another soft one

needs a supportive and caring gf

will love when you listen to her and show you support towards her

chaeyeon is a such a respective person

would listen to you and make sure you’re feeling as happy as you make her

backhugs is a thing between you two

she understands and supports you no matter what bc that’s the defition of love for jung chaeyeon and i miss her like hell

Jieqiong

the teasing gf

would contanstly call you to check on you

are you okay? have you eaten well?

also a very protective gf

would come for anyone who talks shit about you or make you feel less than perfect

calls you “sweetheart”

loves to rest her head on your shoulder as you put your arms across her shoulders

Sohye

babygirl!

the netflix and chill gf

sometimes she can’t believe how lucky she is to have you as her girlfriend

all smiles whenever she saws you

surely holds your hand in public

and talk about you on interviews

literally don’t care about bad comments bc as long as you together it doesn’t matter

Yeonjung

soft and smiles and bubbles

can’t keep distance of you for a long time

always make time for you, even if it’s just 10 minutes before practice

always hugging you, the definition of teddy bear

also enjoys playing with your hair

goofs around a lot lol

Yoojung

happy pill!

she have so much energy be prepared to never stopping days

gives sudden comments on how beautiful (inside and outside) you are bc she likes your smile the most

PIGBACK RIDING

bc she’s smol and likes to be carried on your back

mindblowing kisses? the girl knows what she’s doing

Mina

a freaking cutie

simple dates are the best for her

she finds very hard to talk about her feelings sometimes so she show her emotions with actions

like hugging you all of sudden

loves to take random pictures of you

and probrably has a goofy pic of you on her lockscreen

matching clothes!

Doyeon

the smiling while kissing type

doyeon loves your voice? it’s the first thing she wants to hear when waking up

always sending cute selfies to you to go through your day

full of inside jokes oh god

she really appreciate the moments you two have together

it can be literally just watching tv together

also she’s so glad to have you on her life bc people always approach her bc of her looks and you love doyeon by who she really is

Somi

A DORK

ramble with her in english is a must

impersonating movie characters when watching something

it’s always thinking about you and the things you can do together

“hey baby i was wondering, can we go skydiving someday?” “somi wtf its 4am, chill”

fake dancing contest between you two

and she would always let you wihn bc she’s that type of girl

feels so lucky to have you

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unikornu · 4 years

Photo

Page 2 - Initiation - Pre-war memories of Lucy Feit

The month passed since Lucy worked along with Harrison on nasty or weird cases that logic explanation was barely to be found there but gladly Harrison was already an expert on that and Lucy was open minded for even the craziest possibilities. At first he would wish to muzzle her snarky and uncareful mouth when asking questions around the crime scenes but eventually she got some of his words seriously and tuned down her attitude. He couldn’t blame her, being young and with less care than ever before, laying low enough just to keep her head on the neck.

Harrison became eventually like a mentor to her, a bit rough in his approach but it kept her impulsive nature at check. She had trust in his experience and she felt that behind his tough and roughed skin lies a softer man who just got highly disappointed at some chapter in his life and threw it all away just to do things his own dirty way.

- Sir, i finished the report. I came up with something since...idea of a robot looking exactly like our suspect feels a bit...off. She snapped a paper from a machine and handed it to Harrison.

Her desk was placed behind the wall sharing the room in his office and he even gave her the same comfortable leather chair as he had instead of these hard wooden ones since she got hooked up on a job. It was kind of big for her size but oh boy she could almost fall asleep in it when working late.

-Good job Feit. Good to see u are not a total failure afterall. He looked over the paper and added it to the rest of the records in a file. As she walked away back to her desk he took a few seconds of thought.

-Feit, come back for a second. I might have a special job for you from the Boss this time but only if you are one hundred procent sure u can pull this off. He pulled a photo and a crumbled note out of his jacket pocket.

- Really? My first real task from... down there? She was surprised that they would give her a try already but also a bit nervous.

- Consider that your trust ticket that you will be the right person for the real job. She reached slowly towards the photo but Harrison pulled it back.

- But that is serious Feit, no mistakes, no japing around, u do what you are told to do or you and me gonna have a problem. She nodded and stood placing the hands behind her back.

-Alright...this man is gonna be tonight as Sapphire night club, they already figured out his routine, where hes going, when. He somehow got his hands on a holotape with a list of some of our boys down there, today and he intends to use this. He handed her a photo of a middle aged man with a balding head, slightly more chubby. Nightmare of every secretary if that is their boss.

- I..know him. He was working few rooms away from me. Always bothering women around ugh, i never liked him. She folded a photo and slipped it in the pocket in her pants.

- That is why you gonna go tonight to that club, present yourself to a barman as a new worker and get that holotape from him, i don’t care how, just do it without him noticing. Also if u pull this off Sapphire is going to be your second base where u gonna join a girl named...Rosey on collecting data and other things we might need there. Barman, one of bodyguards and her are our people from the Boss so don’t talk to anyone else. He opened a bottle of whiskey and poured himself half a glass.

- Sapphire...isn’t that actually a strip club? You want me to be a stripper now?! She looked at him lowering a corner of her lips and squinting an eye.

- Cool down Feit, not a stripper. Rosey is already a one whore too many there. You gonna be her assistant...u know powdering her ass for a show and making sure the girls have all they need while charming the clients around and steal their shit for us, be it items or words. He took a sip talking about it as calmly as about a weather.

- I would also get used to heels and booze at your place if u gonna stick around there and i think amout of money u might get there will compensate for...struggle. He saw her smiling softy back when he mentioned a payment. She never had a chance to experience a luxury like that in her life that. Leaving her careless parents to a one room shitty apartment and climbing the ladder to a slightly more decent life. And she didn’t last long at the court neither so the smell of money was the one her nose was lurking for.

-Stop dreaming and move Feit! I want to see you with that holotape before the morning. He shooed her with a hand and came back to his files.

------

Gladly Ian was also taking a night shift so she didn’t have to come up with any excuse this time. Sapphire was a big night club placed a out of sight not very far away from the center. It had a wide parking area with tables outside and amount of neons that would give a dead one epilepsy. It was also very expensive one so only high or shady figures were coming there for a nice piece of ass and drink. And the club also respected privacy of their clients so no families even knew their husbands and wifes would lurk in such a place. Secrecy, luxury, beautiful women and money. Lucy saw one of bodyguards recognizing her and pointing with his head towards the back entrance. She took a right through narrow alley next to the building and entered the door that had a “Staff” sign written on it keeping her head low and face hidden beneath the hair.

She entered and to her surprise there was already a red haired tanned woman waiting for her, sitting on a bunch of beer boxes with a cigarette.

- They warned me you tend to be late so i lighted one. I’m Rosey. Want a smoke before the job? She pulled pack of out of her shiny bra.

- No...i should probably focus on a....actually you know what, sure. She pulled a smoke out of a pack and leaned down towards Rosey’s lighter. She had to get used with bad habits aswell if she was about to work in such a place.

- So how much u actually know about me? Lucy asked coughing a bit on a first puff.

- Enough to know that u might be just a girl for a job. Let’s go dress you up first. She stood up and guided Lucy through hallways filled with colorful rooms and lights and a smell of perfume.

- Isn’t it a bit suspicious for me to just come in here like that and work? I mean the manager doesn’t know....

- Look. She interrupted. - There is already so many girls and waitresses that anyone can barely keep up with it. And when u make this much money it tends to cover your sight on a situation. They entered her quarters. It was lighted with red and green gloomy lights, a dressing table filled with all kinds of jewelry and feathery scarfs , decorated with a huge mirror wearing a gold frame along with a rack stuffed fully with skimpy and sparkly outfits. A room for star...but not star of movie but a strip show.

- That should fit you. And don’t forget the make up and a mask. We have a sort of carnival theme tonight. She handed her black sparkly skirt along with a fitting bra. Our target should be here soon.

- Alright, alright. Lucy took the clothes and hid behind the room screen to undress. - So what...brought u..u know, to this place and this job? She asked while pulling with all her strength the skirt on her tights jumping a bit in a process.

- Three words. Nothing-to-lose. I have no family and no one gives a shit about me anyway so i can do whatever the hell i want...and the money is good. She threw her a pair of heels that hit her in the head behind the screen.

-Ouch..good for you, i guess. At least u don’t have to lie to anyone, almost...

- Look at you, your lucky not to be a stripper or they would eat you alive. She chuckled as Lucy came out prepared, a bit stiff on the heels.

- So what’s the plan? I mean i know we are suppose to work together on this one. She spotted a bottle of booze on the table and shoved a sip down her throat to relax a bit and..to get used with yet one more bad habit as Harrison suggested her.

- Well, u go down and u just present yourself and tell him u have other special girl tonight since Tania got sick. Then i’m gonna take care of him and get that holotape and as we finish i will hand it to you. She explained as they left the room.

- Sounds too easy. Lucy pondered.

- Because it is that easy if u know how to charm...and lie..and steal shit swift enough. U will see soon enough. Rosey pushed her forward as their target entered a club.

Lucy pushed her breasts up and puffed her hair with hands before approaching their target.

- Mr Villin i assume? She approached man smiling with her teeth.

- Finally some service, direct me to Tania as usually honey. It’s already paid. He took a long look at her whole figure before taking the glasses off and hanging them on his pocket. He looked also high from drugs, his face all sweaty and red.

- I’m so sorry sir but Tania called in sick....but we have someone as wild and skilled as her. Please, let me direct you to her room, her name is Rosey. Lucy stroke a hair with a hand and winked at him feeling a deep disgust inside but job needs to be done.

- Why didn’t they call me before then? Hmpf...ok fine. As they walked towards the guests private rooms he didn’t even try to hide he is staring at her ass swaying to the sides. - Aren’t u availble too honey? That ass of yours would look good on my....

- No sir, i’m making sure our girls are prepared for our every client’s desire. She interrupted before letting him finish his dirty thought and opened a door to a room where Rosey was already prepared for a private show.

- Shame...you would make a lot of money riding a rich man like me. She closed the room behind him and leaned against the wall waiting for the session to end. She could hear him calling her all the ugliest words woman could hear.

- God..and that pig has a wife and kid. But suddenly a sound of struggle and choking reached her ears. She hesitated before peeking inside to not ruin Rosey plan but eventually looked inside.

- Get off me you fuck! He looked angry and high at the same time pushing her to the floor and choking her.

- I know what you trying to do you fucking whore! Yo..you fucking bitches are all the same. Money and dick ain’t enough for your cunt eh? He was angry and shaky from the high of drugs and booze.

Lucy shut and locked the door behind her. No one could know what's going on and they had no idea how he knew about the set up but something needed to be done and fast as he was out of control. The hatred towards this man finally found a release as she saw Rosey choking and struggling under his big cushy sweaty body. She shattered a bottle and stabbed him in the back repeatedly until he released Rosey and fell on his side. Just Lucy didn’t stop there. She sat on his chest and placed a glass shard in her both hands, shoving it down right in his throat few times. The blood spilled onto her face and chest.

- Fucking hell! Rosey grabbed a towel and covered his mouth along with a neck to not let any sounds leave his mouth while he was bleeding out. Lucy was breathing heavly and fast, frozen, the blood dripping from her hands and face. She killed someone for the first time.

- It was not suppose to happen like that, shit shit..we need to do something. Rosey was wiping the blood from the floor aswell. Luckily there was no carpet. Something in Lucy mind shifted and her face turned from shocked to focused as she pulled herself up.

- Did he come with a car? She asked while going through dead man clothes left on a couch looking for a holotape and a keys.

-Yes, its parked right by the back entrance since front was full. Why? She clumped all the bloody towels together and looked at her.

- We..need to take him out, get him into car and drive away somewhere, get rid of the body, clothes, everything. Rosey nodded and peeked outside the room to make sure no one will see them carrying him outside. Luckly their bodyguard was not so far away so she could give the signal to distract the rest for a while.

- Fucking hell, he’s heavy. They struggled a lot but managed to pack him into his car eventually, shoving him into the back seat low enough to hide him out of the view and covering him with his clothes. They packed all the dirty towels into the baggage.

- Can you drive? Lucy asked while handing her a jacket to cover themselves a bit.

- I’m your girl. But you will have to get a license too eventually if this is how you do your bloody job. My god...he starts to stink, lets hurry. Rosey was not happy, she usually never let the plans go in this manner but she was lucky to have a backup that night.

- Thanks for help. He was bloody heavy and aggressive as fuck. Her face softened as they drove his car outside towards the nearest empty cliff.

- Don’t mention it...it was an impulse and since we will work together it would be shame to fuck it up on a first day like that eh? She wiped the blood from her face and sighted.

- You okay? I mean i know you saw blood and shit with Harrison but i don’t think you ever killed anyone before like that? Rosey looked at her with a concern.

- I’m fine...i will be fine. I mean, i know what i agreed to so..i will just swallow it and move on right? As they arrived to a cliff Lucy pulled a small gas canister and started emptying it all over the car sits and dead body.

- That’s my girl. You will be okay. Do you think tho Harrison will be angry? It kind of came out of hand. They let the car drive itself towards the cliff and crash down in a fire as it hit the rocks, burning down everything away.

- Kind of is a small word for what just happened. But how he knew? Lucy asked as they drank the rest of the whiskey that was left in a bottle they took with them.

- I have no idea but i’m glad you were there. Most important is that we have holotape and we cover all tracks from this night. Lets find a pick up and go back.

-----

Sun didn’t raise yet, it was still very early so Lucy kept her word to get the holotape to the office on time. Her face cleaned from all the make up but tired and pale from a whole night of work.

- I got the holotape and...well.. Lucy approached Harrison standing silently in his office with a back towards her.

- You had one job Feit, get the fucking holotape and leave! He turned around abruptly grabbing her by a neck and pushing to the wall. - What the fuck happened there?!

- He somehow knew! I had no choice sir. She tried to pull his hands off for a bit of air but even with 50 years on his back Harrison was not one to joke with when shit hits the fan.

- Did you get rid of the body? Wiped evidence? He didn’t release her until he got all the answers.

-Yes! The bodyguard covered us and the barman knows so if anyone asks he came and left because Tania wasn’t available. His car is crashed and burned along with him outside of town. She fell on her knees and coughed as Harrison finally let her out of grip.

- At least that, goddamit Feit. Things never go smooth with you around. He sighted in disappointment but after a moment he offered her hand to stand up.

-But you did your job after all. Don’t take that harshly to yourself how i treat you but you two will have to be more careful. She took his hand and stood up.

- Yes sir. We will...

- And congrats kid, don’t let me down. He stuffed money roll into her hand and pat her shoulder. - Just don’t spend it all in one go will you?

She felt like stabbing this man was a final part of initiation but what meaned more to her was Harrison’s good word on a job well done. He was like a father figure to her later on that she never had any in her life, not wanting to let him down and help her evolve in this new world she stepped into.

----

Ian woke her up with a kiss on a cheek as he arrived to her apartment late in the morning. He noticed a small blood smear under her nose.

- Hey, how was your shift? Are you okay? He looked at her as she woke up a bit concerned about the tiredness on her face. Lucy pulled herself on her elbows towards him and looked him in the eyes. She grinned and kissed him before pulling him to bed to catch few more hours of sleep.

- I have never been better my dear....

_______________________________

Note: I could say that later on Gage reminds her of Harrison a bit in terms of keeping her impulsive nature on a leash. And looking how age difference between Lucy and Gage would be around 8 years or so yeh, he does have experience and better approach to things while Lucy acts on instincts and impulses. (I have no idea how old is Gage but if i would give him in my universe 35 years Lucy would be 27). And in exchange for pistol training Rosey taught her a bit of charming skills and stealing, maybe a few dirty tricks aswell. And hell Rosey could dance indeed that’s why Lucy also likes to swing from time to time when familiar sounds hit her ear. Spending a lot of time in night clubs forced her to get used with smoking, booze and chems but Rosey had to keep an eye on her as she did tend to go over a bit too much at times. So far im happy to write this sort of shit tbh, makes my head a bit lighter from ideas.

#fallout 4 #lucy feit #pre-war memories #lucy's diary #some violence #lucy's pre-war diary #omg this got a bit longer than i thought but i wrote what got into my head last night #more pre-war shit yay #i will certanly keep it going lol #my crap writing #gonna check for grammar too ofc so might do small edits meanwhile #i always think its all good but then i re-read and see things i didnt see before and rush to correct a letter or smth ehh

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pi-cat000 · 5 years

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MSA: Winged Arthur AU (part 10)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9

Part 11: here

. Arthur transitions to consciousness slowly, raising slowly from some deep, all-consuming dark. His head hurts, throbbing to a steady beat, and there is a sharp pain in his chest like he’s held his breath for too long. Everything is stiff, and moving any of his limbs seems like an impossible chore, so he doesn’t bother. Instead, he cracks open the eye not smooshed into the side of whatever soft surface he is lying on.

Vivi’s face is right there, her eyes closed, expression relaxed. Their noses inches apart. Arthur twitches back, movement stunted by the weight sitting inert along his back. Feathers rustle and twitch sporadically, and Arthur twists to stare in alarm. Oh…. And memories of the last few hours come flooding, pumping adrenalin through his limbs.

Vivi! She's hurt! Lewis! Where’s Lewis! He can’t lose Lewis again!

Arthur frantically tries to sit, turning, and the wings jump up from where they’ve been draped over the couch’s backrest and floor, flaring out in a dramatic movement. He is forced back into the couch’s upholstery by the sudden downdraft they create. In response to his panicked actions, Vivi surges upright, stumbling out of her seated position and sleep. The blanket, once draped over her shoulders, flutters to the ground.

“What…What is it!” Vivi, fists clenched, blinking the sleep from her eyes, searches for a threat, “If bastard takes one step in here I’ll…I…”

They both catch each other’s attention, and there is a second of dead silence as, in unison, they scan the other for injuries. Vivi is fine judging by her alert stance and the way she is actively scanning for something to punch. The blood on her clothes is still there, but it's all dry, and she’s not hurt anymore. In fact, discounting the dirt across her face, she is a glowing picture of health. Had he done that?

“Arthur.” Her relief is tangible, reflecting his own.

“Your shoulder, it’s okay,” Arthur voices simultaneously, trying and failing to force the wings back down. Instead, they spasm erratically.

“Thank god you’re awake," Vivi grins then ducks back, "Whoa…” avoiding the closest wing which flicks out.

“Arthur, you can calm down. It’s just me.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose…they have a mind of their own,” He tries to excuse, voice going up an octave. In response, Vivi shakes the last of the sleep from her eyes, moving forward with renewed intent.

“Here…let me just…”

“No!” He flinches back automatically, remembering just how delicate the appendages are. Unbidden, the image of Lewis, reaching, grabbing his shirt, and holding him over that cliff, comes steamrolling to the forefront of his mind. Feathers go every which way, forcing Vivi away least she gets whacked in the face.

“I’m not going to do anything…I’ll just direct them. Maybe if you follow where I’m touching, you’ll be able to move better...feel out the new muscles,” She continues, trying for a gentle, calming tone. She is giving him that concerned motherly expression, which Arthur takes a few seconds to register in amongst his fear. Right. This is the living room. There is no Lewis here…Where is Lewis?

“Sorry. They’re really sensitive,” He explains, finding it hard to focuses on Vivi, the wings, and his sinking worry for Lewis all at once.

“I’ll be careful.”

He forces Lewis to one side, concentrating on Vivi. Stiffly, he nods at her unasked question. She inches forward, carefully reaching out, grabbing the closest wing. Now Arthur isn’t panicking, they are slightly more manageable, and Vivi runs a hand along the joint where the longest flight feathers meet the shorter, stubbier ones. Arthur closes his eyes and focuses on the light tingle of her fingertips. Slowly, the adrenalin fades, the wings droop, lowing, and Arthur finally managers to releases the tension along his back. The wings flop to the floor in a dishevelled mess and lie still.

“Phew…That was…something. Are you okay?”

“Oh yeah. Sure. I mean, apart from the new limbs, I’m at 100%. Absolutely peachy,” Arthur snarks, also collapsing down onto the couch, too weary to try moving. That is the second time the dumb things have gone crazy on him in the short period he’s had them.

Vivi sighs and folds back onto the carpet beside him, “Well, Mr ‘absolutely peachy’ I hope you don’t mind if I follow up on that statement with a boatload of questions. A lot is going on here, and I’m not sure how to feel about most of it.”

“You and me both,” Arthur mutters to musty upholstery. He peeks up at her. She is frowning. He takes a second to properly examine his surroundings. He is definitely in the Kingsman living room though he’s not quite sure how he came to be here. The windows, he remembers them being broken, are covered pieces of blue tarp and duct tape. It is giving the room a cobalt sheen. Apart from that, everything is per usual.

“May I?” Vivi interrupts his inspection, motioning toward the feathers resting alongside her, to which Arthur shrugs. He doesn’t think he is about to start flailing again, so it should be fine.

“So…From the beginning. What’s the last thing you remember?” Vivi starts their familiar catch up routine. With the two of them prone to blackouts and/or disorientating nightmares it is a depressingly common process. For a second, he’s distracted by the sensation of pulling when Vivi repositions a feather, straightening it, picking out several bits of stray hair and dirt. Honestly, it’s a losing battle. Arthur is in desperate need of a bath.

“I was out front with you. You were really hurt,” He shakes his head, looking up from the long grey-tinted feather to her face. He can still feel an echo of panic.

“I’m fine,” Vivi reassures.

“I helped you? That golden light actually did something?”

“Yeah, you healed me…It was pretty amazing, actually. I mean you read about this sort of thing in books but well…I never thought I’d see it in person. Not that I was very coherent for most of it, but, thank you." A happy smile punctuates her more serious demeanour.

Arthur grimaces, glancing away, “I don’t know how I did it…but, considering how these things,” He glares at the wing in Vivi’s lap, “just appeared, it’s probably related.”

“Oh, for sure. I wonder if it has to do with a possible celestial or angelic connection…I mean…wings and healing that’s kind of a stereotype.” Absently, Vivi continues smoothing feathers as she talks. It feels kind of nice, like fingers running through his hair. He tries to focus on that and not other things.

“No…no…” Vivi interrupts herself, “we are doing this chronologically. There will be plenty of time to theories later. I’m getting ahead of myself. Okay, let’s rewind through the night. You tell me about the events leading up to spontaneous wing sprouting, and I’ll tell you how I got stabbed by a tree.”

His dubious expression must have been apparent because Vivi snorts. “If you think growing a few extra limbs is the craziest thing to happen in the last twelve hours, oh boy, do I have a story to give it a run for its money.”

“How about you go first then,” He suggests, somewhat amused. It’s not like he knows where to even start when explaining what happened to him. Despite the almost murder attempt, he hopes with all his being that Lewis hasn’t gone and disappeared again. Not before seeing Vivi at least. Arthur doesn’t know what he would do if that happened. But since Vivi can’t retain anything Lewis related for more than a few seconds maybe that’s for the best.

For now.

NOTE: This fic is now on ao3 under the title Beyond Human. It’s the usual deal, there is no new content but it’s got slightly better editing.

Part 11; Here

#MSA #mystery skulls animated #fanfiction #fanfic #arthur kingsmen #Vivi Yukino #winged arthur #vivi and arthur interactions #panic attack #wanted to write more but haven't have had a lot of free time this last week :(#In the mood to write something sort of fluffy-ish

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bunnymaknaereacts · 5 years

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Monsta X’s Reaction to Your Insecurities - Maknae Line

WARNING -This might be very triggering to you if you have/had a mental illness or suffer from anxiety/depression. Please read with caution.

EXTRA TRIGGER WARNING. THIS FIRST SCENARIO DEALS WITH SUICIDE.

Hyungwon (혀원) - “Nobody would miss me anyway…”

Screaming. That’s the last thing you heard as the blackness consumed you.

…

ONE HOUR BEFORE…

…

‘My dearest Hyungwon,’ you wrote, tears in your eyes. ‘I am so sorry to do this to you. You deserve so much better. I know you thought if you just loved me enough that I’d be okay. That things wouldn’t come to this. But things don’t always work that way, baby. Not everything can be fixed. I tried to get through this for you. I wanted so badly to grow old with you. Have children. Maybe a cat. But I can’t. I can’t really explain the feeling. All I know is that I’m not who you want. Who you deserve. I’m not beautiful or strong enough. I would just continue to disappoint you and everyone else. I would be a terrible mother. But I have every confidence that you’ll find someone who’s worthy of you. Not right away of course. I know you’ll need time to heal. But you will. If you could make it through No Mercy, you can make it through this. Maybe if we meet again in our next lives I’ll be a better me, one that deserves you. Please do me one last favor. Give my sister her letter, will you Wonnie? Stay with her. Hold her when she’s done reading it. Tell her I’m sorry. Tell her how much I loved her. And after, burn the letters. Move on, without me. I’ll be fine. I’ll have mom. Well, I have to go. This is already too long. You’ll be home soon so I have to go. Goodbye, Wonnie. I love you. Y/N.’

Folding up the letter and putting in in an envelope with the one you wrote for your sister, you stood up, looking around your room. Pictures of you, Hyungwon and your friends were everywhere. You remember when you met Hyungwon. You were a huge fan of his group. He was your bias. Your mother had gotten you passes for a fansign for your birthday. Everyone was really nice. You and your sister had so much fun. You never in your wildest dreams imagined you would ever see him again. You were a waitress at a local restaurant. One day when you went in for your shift the place was completely empty, very unusual for a Saturday night. Your boss told you to be on your very best behavior. That a celebrity had rented out the place for the night. You nearly screamed when you saw Monsta X walk through the front doors. Needless to say it was a long night. You were very lucky you didn’t drop anything. You were so nervous. But the craziest thing that happened was after the boys left. Once your boss was confident that you weren’t going to cause some major disaster, he made some bullshit excuse about a family emergency and left you to fend for yourself, something he did often. The rest of the night went smoothly and it was finally time to lock up. However once you turned around to go home, you noticed a rather fancy car parked right in front of you. You couldn’t stop your jaw from dropping when Hyungwon rolled down the window, offering you a ride.

Even after how close you became since that night, it surprised you when he asked you to be his girlfriend. He was incredibly sweet, the best boyfriend ever. Things were amazing. Until your mother was suddenly diagnosed with cancer. It hit hard and fast. A couple months after it was confirmed you and your sister were dealing with lawyers and planning her funeral. It completely changed you. Your mom was the most important person in you life, and suddenly she was gone. You didn’t know how to cope. You started hanging out with your childhood friends, the ones who were bad news. Got into trouble. Lost your job. It got so bad that Starship wouldn’t let you out in public or to the company with Hyungwon until you got some help. For a while, you didn’t. By that time you were in the angry stage of grief, so needless to say you didn’t see much of Hyungwon for a while. He would stop by when he could, usually once or twice a week, to make sure you were okay, but that was about it. Deep down you felt bad, but you just missed your mom so much. You already fucked up so much. You figured he would eventually get sick of you and leave. But he never did. Not even when you started drinking. Eventually he came to your place one day to find you extremely drunk. That’s when he lost it. He broke down crying and finally said if you didn’t get help that he would leave you. He just could watch you self destruct anymore. That’s what made you finally snap out of it. You didn’t even want to think what would happen if you ever lost him. So you got help. Went to rehab and started seeing a therapist. Eventually Starship lifted the ban and things got a little better. But after a while, once you got used to the routine, everything you had done, everything you had felt started coming back to you. You were fine when you were around Hyungwon, Wonho, Kihyun and the others. But the second you were alone it all came rushing back. Taunting you. Torturing you. Reminding you that your happiness wouldn’t last forever. That somehow something would happen and you would let everyone down. Again. You became paranoid, guarded. Maybe you should just kill yourself. The first time you thought it, you were shocked. You loved Hyungwon. You didn’t want to leave him. You still don’t. Even as you hold the full bottle of sleeping pills in your hand. But as the depression worsened, you realized you needed to. Everyone would be better off without you.

You picked up your phone to look at the clock. Hyungwon will be home soon. If you’re going to do this it has to be now. So you went to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of water and sat on your bed, taking the pills one by one until the bottle was empty. It took awhile but when it was over you were relieved. You would miss Hyungwon but it was for the best. He would be fine without you. Your eyelids slowly became heavy. By the time your boyfriend finally came home, you were already laying down. Eyes closed. Too sleepy to respond. It was odd. It was like sleep paralysis. You could hear Hyungwon calling your name. Could hear him screaming and crying when he found you and called the ambulance. But you couldn’t respond. Couldn’t tell him you loved him. Couldn’t say goodbye.

…

TWO DAYS LATER

…

It was your third night in the hospital and you still hadn’t woken up. Which meant that Hyungwon hadn’t slept in three days. He already missed the signs of what you were about to do. He wouldn’t miss anything else. Not until he heard your voice. Saw your beautiful eyes. Made you promise to never do this to him again. The doctors said if he had gotten home just five minutes later you would be dead right now.

(LIKE KIHYUN, HYUNGWON WILL NEED A SECOND PART)

Jooheon (주헌) - “I’m a failure.”

“Dammit!” You cursed, slamming your laptop shut. Your friend from high school got her masters degree today. You were happy for her, so out of curiosity you checked your email. You were trying to get back into school for music management, inspired by your loving boyfriend. You’ve had a lot of ups and downs in your past, but music was always a constant. Even if you hadn’t auditioned for Starship, and failed, and met Jooheon, you still would have tried to pursue music in some way. But every school you applied to rejected you, no matter what you applied for. Today was no different. You just couldn’t catch a break. Frustrated, you grabbed your phone and your headphones, turned on Do Not Disturb, and left to blow off some steam. With music blaring in your ears, you walked to the river near where you lived. More often than not, it calmed you down when your thoughts ran wild, but today was not one of those days. Relief was replaced with regret and self-loathing. By the time you got home, it was dark outside. Feeling no different than when you left, you just wanted to take a quick shower and head to bed. However, when you walked in the door, Jooheon was sitting on your couch, his head in his hands.

“Jooheon?” You asked when he didn’t react to you walking in the door. His head snapped up and you saw his tensed form relax once his eyes met yours.

“Thank god,” he whispered, getting up and wrapping you in a bone-crushing hug.

“Um. Honey?” You asked after a minute of him not letting go. He slowly pulled back, though he still kept his hands on your shoulders.

“Where were you? I’ve been texting you.” You sighed. You loved him but you so did not want to have this conversation right now.

“Nowhere.. Look, I just really want to go to bed okay?” You responded colder than you usually did, causing Jooheon to drop his hands. You could tell he was hurt by your attitude but you couldn’t bring yourself to care at the moment. You tried walking past him to your bedroom but were stopped by his hand around your wrist.

“No.”

“Excuse me?” What was up with him.

“I said no. I’m not going to let you blow me off this time. Do you know how worried I was?”

“I just went on a walk.” He scoffed, running his hands through his hair.

“Yeah. Because apparently you’d rather isolate yourself than talk to me.” You opened your mouth to respond but he wouldn’t continued talking. “Don’t. You’ve been so on edge lately. I don’t know if you realize it or not, but every time I try to talk to you you lash out at me. I don’t understand. I just want to help you. So why are you pushing me away?” Finally, the emotional dam in you cracked. Your eyes stung with tears. You tried looking back and realized he was right. All he’s done is be the perfect friend and boyfriend, and you’ve been nothing but a total asshole to him.

“I didn’t..” you said with a shaky voice. “I just.. I didn’t mean..” Jooheon’s frustration vanished as he pulled you into a hug. For a while all you did was sob. When you stopped, Jooheon pulled you to the couch and sat next to you, letting you collect your thoughts. When you calmed down enough to speak you hung your head, to ashamed to look at him. “I didn’t mean to push you away. Things have just been really hard lately and… I didn’t want you to know how much of a failure I was.”

“What do you mean?”

“I got another rejection email today.”

“Oh Jagi.. I’m sorry.” He rubbed your back softly, trying to comfort you.

“I just.. Don’t understand. I mean I know I didn’t have the best grades in high school. And I know dropping out not college was not the best idea. But I’ve been trying so hard to get back on track... It just feels like no matter what I do, I’m screwed. And I hate it. All of my friends are graduating and starting families and I’m still stuck. Working minimum wage and barely getting by. I wish I could go back in time and change things.” You heard Jooheon sigh next to you.

“Hey.” You looked up to see a sad smile on his face. “I love you, okay? You can trust me. You are not a failure. You’ve been working so hard to pick yourself up. I know I haven’t been around as much as I’d like to be. But I still see it. Things will get better. I’ll try harder to be around more. I’ll help you. Just don’t push me away.”

“Okay.” You took in a deep breath, finally smiling before leaning against his side and resting your head on his shoulder. You did not deserve this man, but you were thankful you had him.

WARNING. THIS NEXT SCENARIO DEALS WITH ABUSE. READ WITH CAUTION.

Changkyun (창균) / I.M (아이엠) - “I was used to it.”

The last thing you wanted to do right now was get out of bed. But you had to. Your best friend was due to show up in a little over an hour. It had been a while since you and Changkyun had a chance to hang out. You were excited and dreading it at the same time. Of course you were happy to see him. You missed him. But you were scared of how he was going to react to the bomb you were about to drop on him. You didn’t want to do it, but you needed to tell someone and he was the only person you could think of who you actually trusted. You anxiously went over everything in your head as you got ready and before long you heard him knocking on your door. You grabbed the doorknob, taking a deep breath before finally letting him in.

“Hey, stranger danger,” he said with a huge smile as you let him in. When you closed the door he pulled you in for the biggest hug. Usually his hugs made you feel safe and calm, but with what you were about to tell him you felt more nervous than anything. When you parted you got drinks for the two of you and settled on the couch, making sure to be the first to ask ‘So how’ve you been?’ What you had to say was pretty heavy so you wanted him to go first, the whole time he talked making sure to hold your cup in your lap. “So,” he finally said, finishing his piece. “What about you?” You took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

“Well..” Even though you thought about what to say so many times you just couldn’t think of how to bring it up, so instead of telling him you were going to show him. You stretched your arm out to set your cup on the coffee table, your sleeve pushing up your arm just enough for Changkyun to see what he needed to see.

“What the hell is that?!” He grabs your wrist gently, pushing the sleeve up to your elbow to reveal bruises in the shapes of fingers around your forearm. “Did he do this?”

“Yeah.” Changkyun sighed deeply, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“Was it the first time?” he asked, eyes still locked on your arm.

“No.”

“Jesus christ.” You knew he was about to go off so you spoke quickly.

“Look, I’m going to tell you everything, okay? I know what you’re going to say. But it’s over. We’re done. He’s not coming back.” He nodded, letting you explain everything first.

You and your boyfriend had known each other since you were kids. He was a really nice guy. You started dating towards the end of high school. But a lot happened to him after he graduated. When he enlisted in the military, his mom became ill and died. He developed anger issues and started hanging with the wrong people. Developed some bad habits. Drinking, smoking. For a while the anger never escalated past arguments and yelling. But as time went on, he started drinking more, and something snapped. He would push and yank you around, hold you too tight when you begged him to let go and so many other things. Whenever you tried to leave he threatened the people you cared about. So eventually you stopped trying. You let him have control on pretty much any aspect of your life that he could. What you did, who you talked to, how you looked, how you spent your money. You don’t really remember how it ended. What the argument was about that made him leave, but not too long after he was gone you realized you didn’t care. You were free.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Changkyun asked once he was finished processing everything.

“I didn’t want him to hurt you. He hated you. Besides, by then I was used to it.” Changkyun took your hands in his, finally looking at you, nearly in tears.

“You shouldn’t have been used to it. It shouldn’t have happened in the first place. You didn’t deserve that.” You sighed.

“At the time, in the middle of it all, I thought I did.”

“Y/N…” Changkyun paused, trying to hold in his tears. “You deserve so much better than that.”

“I know that now.”

“I never would have treated you like that.”

“I know.”

“Let me prove it to you.” Your mouth opened with an audible ‘pop.’

“Wait...what?”

“Look.. I never told you this because you and him were so close..but I always loved you. Maybe if I had confessed the first time I realized it...none of this would have happened. I know this is really bad timing. And if you want to wait.. If you want to take it slow.. I totally understand. I’d do it. I just.. want you to be happy.” Now it was your turn to cry. Shockingly, the whole situation with your ex didn’t make you sad. What made you sad was Changkyun. You always had feelings for him. You only started seeing your ex because you thought they weren’t reciprocated. If only you had noticed it sooner. This whole mess could have been avoided. “I’m sorry,” Changkyun said, gently wiping your tears with his thumb. “You don’t have to answer now. Just think about it okay?” You smiled at him, placing your free hand over the one holding your face.

“I don’t need to. I want to try.”

“Wait.. seriously?” Your heart warmed as he grinned excitedly. You nodded, your heart jumping as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I promise, I won’t let you down.”

“I know.

(Ok yes I know. That last one was super fluffy at the end but I couldn’t help it. I wanted it to be different from the rest.)

#monsta x #monbebe #monsta x reactions #monsta x imagines #depression #anxiety #suicide #trigger warning #abuse #chae hyungwon #hyungwon #lee jooheon #jooheoney #im changkyun #i.m #bunnymaknaereacts

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arodrwho · 5 years

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non-exhaustive list of nd jester things:

autistic jester things:

pastries = samefood y/y?

special interests: the traveler, tusk love, drawing

that whole thing where her social skills mostly revolve around flirting bc that’s what she saw the most of growing up? sounds autistic

in that like. it suggests both that she’s been mimicking what she’s seen (social sponge + intentional learning of social skills), & that she doesn’t rly realize that said mimicry isn’t universally applicable (overgeneralizing + difficulty grasping social rules + not picking up on resulting social cues)

very blunt, just like, all the time

in particular has that like. frank honesty thing going on, eg “i would want someone to tell me if i smelled that bad”

bewildered when caleb reacts the way he does when they have that argument about money; sure, there’s Rich Kid Obliviousness, but she jus really doesn’t seem to get why he’s upset--doesn’t seem to’ve grasped that he was upset much at all until he swiped mud down his face

the way she jus clicks w/kiri & is like “oh ur an echobird? well shit okay, let’s give u some stuff to echo, here have some scripts!!” strikes me as some uhhhhhh autistic solidarity

that story about the bug going up the stairs being the craziest shit she’s ever seen, & her apparent obliviousness to the tone of jamedi’s response? that’s autistic

sketchbook is........comfort object

listen i know the traveler is real & all but it’s worth mentioning that childhood imaginary friends sticking round longer for autistics than they do for allistic peers is like, an anecdotally common thing? so file that under “reasons marion doesn’t seem to’ve been v concerned by jester having [what marion considered to be] an imaginary friend for so long”; she knows her kid’s autistic & so she’s jus like “yea alright that’s cool”

y’know how she Always Draws Dicks? that’s a like. repetition thing u know

that singsong cadence my dudes!!

hair short + partially in a bun all the time? easier to take care of!

super duper shocked when her mom is like “i’ve cancelled my clients for the evening” like it did not occur to her at all that her mom might do that, despite her rocksolid certainty that her mom loves her very very much + has missed her, & i can only conclude that it’s bc That Is Not The Routine & jester’s brain did not register Breaking From Routine as an Option even in those unusual circumstances. which is......autistic

overshares w/out seeming to realize that she’s overshared, both abt herself and others, eg “o ya i spent my whole childhood super isolated bcos my momma hid me from the world!!”, “nott is very good at drinking”, etc. etc. (file that under adhd aswell)

hyperverbal chatterbox can’t tell how much talking is “too much” (file that under adhd aswell)

adhd jester things:

impulsively overshares

hyperverbal chatterbox cannot stop talking even if she wanted to

the way she can never remember to slow down & count her words when she casts sending--the way she near-inevitably goes over the wordcount even when she’s actively trying to be careful bc she just. rambles & forgets

arguably some rsd? doesn’t seem to do well when she thinks ppl are angry with and/or abandoning her in some sense. see: the money argument w/caleb, the spot of panic when her mom sends less money than she expects, the avantika saga, the check-in abt the stinky caleb joke, the exchange w/nott in assarius, the instinctive snapping at caleb after he attacked them, the dragon incident, “why didn’t you come?”, etc.

in general, big emotions (she might keep ‘em quiet a lot, but they’re Big)

sticks pastries in her pockets & forgets abt them. is delighted by the surprise pastries later!

on that note. disorganized

oh man that whole thing where like. adhd kids often learn that if they act the part of the class clown, it gets them positive attention & so they just, like, lean into that, bc then it’s sth they can control & gets them positive attention & overall ’s better than the alternatives of getting snapped at or picked on? that’s like. i wouldn’t go so far as to say that’s jester to a T, but that’s certainly got like, an aura of jester. a jestaura, if u will,,

puns aside though like her Whole Thing is she wants to make ppl laugh & be happy? & so even though her motivation was ultimately, i think, different--related much more to wanting to keep her mother in good spirits--it’s still a very...adhd sort of narrative at heart, i feel

also! during battles she’s always hyperfocused on the Thing She’s Trying To Do, & then in hindsight is often like “aw shit i should have x'd instead”

loud!! does she realize how loud she is sometimes? doesn’t seem like it!

Craves Chaos (which like yeah largely religion. but there’s an element of boredom there too so u know,)

#daypost #lists.......are good #critical role #still need a critical role tag

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flannelshirtandjeans · 5 years

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Oc interview meme

I was tagged by @radbeetle (thank you!!) and took this as an opportunity to talk through ghoul Norma in the future, interviewed by some future reporter for some paper or newsletter that's happening then. I'm stuck on mobile so super apologies for long and no cut! D:

I tag: (if you wanna do it) @johnandrasjaqobis @ceilingcow @keycchan

"We are sitting down today with one of the most pivotal figures of our Commonwealth's recent history, the mysterious but beloved by many, Norma Hawke, on the little porch of her home on Spectacle Island. She is serving a drink she claims to have coined, tarberry and mutfruit and just enough alcohol to have a punch."

How old are you?

Norma looks almost startled at the question. "You know," she tells me, "I have lost count. I was 32 when I came to... this Commonwealth, and had been frozen for more than 200 years. That was in... what year is it? Oh, and I turned into a ghoul before 40. That was decades and decades ago."

What do you look like? (For any readers who haven't seen you, or pictures.)

She laughs. "OLD, the way that us ghouls do. But I like to think I still got it!" She laughs again, and continues: "I'm a ghoul, unlike some stories say, and I don't have fins and gills like a fish. I'm just an old, short, round ghoul with some of my old hair left, still brown. Lipstick on every day, eyebrows drawn. I like it, it's routine."

Where are you from?

"The past. I'm a time traveler from a Vault - no, I'm originally from a different state (IDA HAS FORGOTTEN WHICH ONE), where I lived with my parents until I moved to Boston - here - to study law. Used to live in an apartment downtown, and then up in Sanctuary Hills with my husband and baby. Our old house is still there, I think. I... haven't been in a while."

Where do you live now?

She perks up, and a moment of quiet old sadness has passed without me realizing it was there initially. "Here on this island - I moved here when my wife here died and I started working more with the Minutemen to help build a government and a better Boston." She gets up and walks me around - shows me the single room cottage with its rag rugs and quilts, the garden swing, her little garden, and the fields, and her pride and joy, the apple tree. "I always wanted to be more of a country girl when I was younger" Norma says and pats the tree trunk. "I was such a city girl in truth, even when I thought I was getting there with my husband before the war, but I think I've gotten my wish now!"

What was your childhood like?

She snorts. "Rich in money but not in anything else. My parents... had me more because it was the thing to do and some kind of a status symbol, and not because they really wanted a child and to be a good caring family. Work came first. I grew up with a long list of tutors, and little love. Thankfully it mostly only made me want to be better than them."

What groups are you friendly with? Are you allied with any factions?

"I have worked a lot with the New Government of the Commonwealth, and the Minutemen that started building towards it. Not as much as I did, because I'm old and tired, and it's time to let them fly on their own instead of mother henning left and right there." She laughs. "I am still the highest lawmaster I suppose, but the law is working as well as it can without me too. Back in my day, when factions were more... at war with each other, I did work with the Minutemen and the Railroad, who joined forces to destroy the Institute."

Tell me about your best friend.

"There aren't a lot of people left who've been here as long as I have," Norma says, and that same quiet sadness creeps to her as before, but her smile remains. "Many have moved on, or died. But I am thankful for those who are still here. Sturges, who keeps the Castle running, and me too. He's like sunshine. We've seen each other less often of late, but try to meet at least every year on an important anniversary. To remember."

Do you have a family? Tell me about them!

She shakes her head. "No. I did, but they're gone. Husband, child, and wife. The child by my own hand." This child, as we know from history, was the Institute's leader, "Father". "His name was Shaun," Norma says. "I always found that whole title creepy."

What about a partner or partners?

"Gone as well - I don't have anyone now, and my heart is probably too frail to fall in love again, truthfully. Jay was my first husband, a big red-headed shepherd from Maine, the sweetest man I ever met. And then there was Ellie (editor's note: Ellie Perkins, author of such crime thrillers as "The Ghost of Goodneighbor") after the war, the wittiest most amazing woman-- and I buried them both. I've had... flings. Friends with benefits. But I don't think I can bury more partners." Who these friends with benefits are, she won't say.

Who are your enemies, and why?

"There are people who don't like the new government, and understandably blame me for it, me being the only one left was such s big part of establishing it. I don't think I have any real enemies though. Any that I had would be... also mostly dead."

Have you ever heard of The Brotherhood of Steel? What do you think about them?

"I steered mostly clear of them when I first came here. I have never been a big fan of such... military structures, and even less after seeing how much my husband hated his time with the army at the time. After joining forces with the Railroad, and knowing the Brotherhood's dislike of synths, the safest course was to avoid them, and try to keep them away. There were other tensions as well, with them and the Minutemen too. The Brotherhood's blimp was blown from the sky with their leaders at time shortly after the Institute explosion, and there's a lot of stories going around saying that was me too, but I didn't have anything to do with it, I was in too much shock from the Intitute alone to even think of something like that. But their leadership changed after that and now what's remained of the Brotherhood here needs to co-operate with the New Government, and has. I still don't like them much, but they're not causing too many problems, and have been... forced to readjust their thinking a little."

When asked about who she thinks was responsible for the blimp explosion, she only says "I have a pretty good idea", and refuses to elaborate.

What about The Enclave?

"I have heard of them, but don't know much about them, truth be told."

How do you feel about Super Mutants?

She shrugs. "Depends on the person, same as anyone else! I used to be afraid of them when all I'd seen was the groups that'd go around raiding and eating people, running around with mininukes - and feel sorry for them after learning about the FEV. But so much has happened since, and a lot of humans I saw at the time weren't really any different. Just smaller. Things are better now, at least some."

What’s the craziest fight you’ve ever been in?

Norma laughs. "Oh! I've been in so many fights! Hmm." She stops to think, looking across the water to where the blue Minuteman flag flies above the Castle. She laughs again and says: "never thought as a girl that I'd end up with so many war stories. But here's one: once in one of the old hospitals, there was a band of raiders that had trapped a deathclaw on the bottom floor and used it to stage cage fights. I'd... cleared the raiders - they had... taken over a Railroad base and killed the agents there, and I wasn't looking to avenge them as much as see qhat had happened, and had no intent to deal with the deathclaw... But my dog slipped into the pit, thankfully without alerting the deathclaw immediately, so off course I had to go after him. Ended up on top of some cages down there, knocked off BETWEEN them where the deathclaw couldn't reach me and wandered off deeped into the bottom floor... I was pretty sure I would die right there but me and my companion managed to JUST kill it before it got to any of us."

(I guess that answers the next question:) Have you ever fought a Deathclaw?

"I have! More if them than I care to count, truth be told - I've had to travel through the Glowing Sea more than once, and once fought a park full of mutation of them that had some alligator in them! I think... a deathclaw was one of the first things I fought after I woke up here, outside of bugs. Just in Concord, right outside Sanctuary Hills."

Do you like fighting?

"I don't. I may gladly tell stories of victories past because they make good stories and because some of those need to be remembered, and learned from so they don't happen again - but I don't want to sound like I enjoyed it, or wouldn't rather have solved the situation without a fight."

What’s your weapon of choice?

She grimaces. "Pistols. Sniper rifles. I'm not strong or dexterous beyond being able to sneak well, so I need the advantage of the distance. I used to hate the sniper rifles because I felt like I wasn't giving whoever I was aiming at a fair fighting chance, it felt... so impersonal. I don't know, I alway hate killing people anyway, it just came with some additional guilt."

How do you survive? Your wits, your charm, your skills, brute force, some combination? (a.k.a. what’s your S.P.E.C.I.A.L?)

Norma shakes her head. "Not brute strength for sure. I'm a lawyer still, even under all the things I've become since, and my first and foremost resort is always wits and charm, I think. It doesn't always work, obviously but I think... it has worked best for me so far."

Have you ever been in a vault? What do you think about them?

Norma shifts uncomfortably, and dips inside for a minute, coming back with an old frayed and battleworn vault suit with golden number 111 on the back. "That's why I'm here," she says, and for the first time sounds almost dark. "The vault 111 was supposed to be my new home when the bombs fell, but they froze us instead, and I've learned of many other horrifying experiments happening in other vaults as well. It's VILE. I still can't go into a vault without seeing my husband being shot in the head, and my baby being stolen. I hate it. I don't go into them anymore if I can help it. I'm glad that communities can flourish in them now, I know Sanctuary has built their winter home in 111, but there's too much trauma in them for me."

How do you beat all the radiation around here? Has it affected you?

Norma gestures at herself. "Obviously, I think -- turning into a ghoul was... awful, and painful, and disgusting, but I'm lucky to have had wonderful loving people around me at the time. I don't think I would be as happy in myself as I am now if it hadn't been for them. But even before I became a ghoul, radiation... did strange things to me, or I think it was the radiation? I didn't get skin reactions from swimming like everyone else, and eventually I started growing skin between my fingers, like webs?" She shows me her hands and spreads the toes on her bare feet to show me, and indeed she has some webbing there. "They took some damage from the ghoulification And then I found that I could breathe underwater. Some kind of a mutation, I think. The rads may have done their damage invisibly all that time though, all the swimming, the ghoulification came on so suddenly and without an apparent event that triggered it."

What’s your favorite wasteland critter?

"I am always a fan of cats - does that count? I am so relieved that they are still around. I got my first cat here from Ellie when I'd just turned into a ghoul, and I haven't been without since. If it DOESN'T count, I really like radstags, they're beautiful in their own way."

What's your least favorite wasteland critter?

"Bloodbugs. Bugs in general."

How do you feel about robots?

"Depends on the robot again! Some of them are really stuck in their old programming and are hard to interact with because of that, but others are great! Codsworth - bless his metal heart - tended to my roses for centuries while I was gone! He's like family to me."

How many caps do you have on you right now?

"I couldn't say, truth be told. I have some savings, but not as much as some people say I do. I get a comfortable living, but I would without caps, too. The Castle likes to send stuff over, they keep good care of their grandma ghoul."

Nuka Cola or Sunset Sarsaparilla?

Norma shrugs. "Usually don't drink them! Nuka Cola is noce for marinades."

Do you do chems?

"As a habit, no. Sometimes for aches, and sometimes if I need a stim. But I've never really been much to use them beyond just that."

Do you ever think about the Pre-War world?

Norma nods, and is quiet for a moment. "I don't... think that a day goes by without me thinking of that time. There's just... sovmany convenience items that I end up missing, or animals, or people. I don't tend to dwell, not anymore, it's past and won't change what is now, and I'll only hurt if I think about it too much. These days it's easier though, mostly nostalgia. I have found a good life here."

What’s your deepest regret? What would you do differently?

"I--" Norma falters and for the first time she looks truly fragile. "I wish... I regret that I couldn't be a mother to my son. That was entirely out of my hands, but I do regret it." She wipes away a tear and tries a laugh. "There are so many things I wish I'd done differently with him here, and keep wondering if I could have reached him somehow... If this could have gone differently. I don't know. I try to not wallow to much on what could have been done differently. It's too late to change that now."

What’s your biggest achievement?

Or what do you hope to achieve?

She wipes away her tears. "Ahh, this is easier. I'm... The Commonwealth now? I'm proud that I've been a part of building it towards a much safer and more prosperous place to live. But most of ask, I think? I'm proud of the library. That's something that me an Ellie built together, it was... like a proof of concept for everything bigger, I suppose. And it's still a lovely, lively place now, growing every day."

What do you want for the future? For yourself? Your friends? The world?

"I want the Commonwealth to keep building. I want safety, and comfort, and sustainability. I want more connections elsewhere. And I want to know it can do that without me - I don't plan to go just yet, but I'm old and tired, and I will not be here forever. I want to be just some grandma, and let the world sort itself out. I've earned my rest, I think. And you know, I think it will happen, too. I think it will."

#fallout 4 #norma #long post #post-game

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run2yamama · 5 years

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Chapter 24 - R2YM (Insight into having an absent-mum due to death)

It wasn’t until I was in my twenties that I realised how affected I was by my absent-mother. I had no idea that the way I navigated my life had been shaped around this .

I’ve been speaking to two other women about their experiences and you know what’s sad yet comforting? Our experiences of growing up without our mum’s were so similar. We struggled with relationships, abandonment issues and ultimately lots of unanswered questions. The first one being, who was this woman who gave birth to me; who was she when she wasn’t my mother? This question alone has changed my stance on mothers in general; we need to humanise them.

Though we were all children when we lost our mothers, it’s very insightful to see all the similarities between us. It’s become very clear to me that it doesn’t matter whether you lost your mum to death or because she walked away, it shapes your journey of womanhood entirely. It feels as though you have survived the heartbreaking bit and now you have to spend your adulthood unlearning old patterns of thought.

Between myself and the two wonderful women who spoke to me in depth about their journey with an absent-mum, we decided it’s time to discuss this openly.

I have decided to split this up into three separate chapters as they are quite intense reads, this chapter features a White woman, the second one will feature a Black Woman and my point of view is sprinkled between both so you will have the perspective of a WOC too. I do understand how important representation is and how this may cause differences in our experiences with having an absent-mum however quite honestly, there just aren’t that many.

A WOMAN WHOSE MOTHER ISN’T IN HER MEMORY – Claira Hermet (35 years old, London & a presenter @bbcradiolondon)

Claira’s mum died of breast cancer when she was 9 years old, the memories that she has are vague and of course painful to recall, what she does remember is that before she lost her mum she felt safe and secure.

“I was devastated. It was like my world had ended. Nothing made any sense. I didn’t know who or what I was without my mum. I didn’t know she could die.”

Claira knew her mum was ill, but what does that really mean to a child if they don’t understand the risks and implications of it? For her there was no safety net between the transition of having a mum and suddenly not having one.

As I mentioned above, I struggle to recall pleasant memories with my mum and my strongest memories are traumatic; but thought this was a given as my mum was abusive. Claira’s strongest memory of her mother is unfortunately quite traumatic also and I think that’s very insightful, it says a lot about how children compartmentalise memories.

“Honestly my strongest memory of my mum is her sitting in the bath. She had had a single mastectomy and her chest on that side was an open wound caused by the cancer. She was losing her hair and asked me to cut it off.”

To this day she still feels the pain of unanswered questions she has due to the lack of memories and not being able to know who her mother was as a woman. What do you do when there is nobody left to tell you about her? Claira’s mum has little to no family left, she doesn’t know who her mum’s friends were.

“Was she funny? Who was her first boyfriend? What’s the craziest thing she’s ever done? What was her childhood like? What were her hopes for me? Would she be proud of me? It’s like I don’t know the person who brought me into this world, who is essentially half of me. I feel really disconnected from her. This hurts and even as I’m writing this it makes me cry.”

What I get from Claira is this very strong sense of empathy towards others, it’s almost as if she will go above and beyond for others due to the pain she has experienced. This is something that is also very true of me, it’s the tendency to want to help others even if it’s at my own detriment sometimes. However this empathy and need to help others is not something that Claira would ever want to change.

“I feel a deep need to help others. To ensure that they never have to feel the way that I have done. I see people’s pain and it really hurts. However this journey has taught me what is possible, how much we have the power to shape, grow and make incredible lives for ourselves regardless of circumstance.”

RELATIONSHIPS & WOMANHOOD

The desperation to be loved is something we all have in common. It’s been a constant battle of not trusting anyone but dying to feel wanted, needed and safe. I think this can be dangerous because there isn’t much regard for our safety/emotional boundaries – or at least this used to be the case before we recognised it.

I personally feel as though I missed out on all the love/hugs/affection and so this has definitely played a role in the choices I have made growing up. It’s as if you disregard your instincts because the need to feel loved overrides it completely. I mean, I feel as though I have faced the ultimate rejection; at a very early stage in life and so it only makes sense that I have had unlearning to do.

I’ve always felt different to other women, almost like I know something that they don’t; as though I’ve experienced this secret world that they haven’t. It’s only now that I’ve started to talk about it and actively seek out other women who have been through what I have, that I feel like I’m not alone anymore. I still find it hard to relate to other women, it’s almost as though the stereotypical ‘gentle’ nature of women makes me uncomfortable and awkward.

Giving myself time to grieve (my mum didn’t die but something in me definitely did) and face the uncomfortable truths has been life-changing. I’m finally in a healthy relationship, with boundaries on both ends that we respect and adhere to. I have never felt more secure and for the first time in my life I am not constantly waiting for someone to get up and abandon me.

CLAIRA’S EXPERIENCE

“I desperately wanted to be loved. I felt confused, like someone had hit be round the head and I had just never been able to make sense of thing ever again. I want to see a clear path or know what I should do but I just had no sense of direction or clue of what was possible. I felt broken, incomplete and insufficient.

My self hatred and confusion about my experience ended up with me seeking attention and affection from men. Sadly though I couldn’t communicate with them as I really struggled to talk. I was having sex with men but unable to express my needs, perhaps because I didn’t know what they were but also because my communication skills were massively under developed. I so badly wanted to no longer feel alone.

What is womanhood? I don’t know if I really know now. I always felt disconnected from women. I didn’t really know how to relate to adult women. I had to learn that. I always just felt less than, incomplete. These words and themes come up a lot for me when talking about the absence of my mother. I learnt only because my friends and I became adult women. Prior to that I really just thought I needed to be attractive to find love to feel ok. Which is really sad but that’s what I thought it was to be a woman. I always feel like an outsider. Even now. I feel like I’m not a real women or a real grown up. It’s something I have to continually work on. Comparing myself to people I know who grow up with a mum I would say I am less balanced.

I would not be this version of me if it was not for my experiences. I also lost my sister to breast cancer. After this it was discovered I have the BRCA1 gene mutation so I had a preventive double mastectomy. After everything I am now in a space where I have a very strong sense of self. This was discovered out of necessity. My life was such a mess mentally and emotionally for such a long time and because my experiences where extreme I knew I had to make changes. After my sisters death finding a sense of peace and love for myself became imperative. I knew that no matter how long it was going to take I had to find a way to be ok.

I have a strong understanding of the powers of self love, self belief and self confidence which I feel we all have a birth right to. My mum’s death and her absence have shaped me and my life. Accepting that this is my life, there is no if’s or but’s has allowed me to take responsibility for myself and my life and really start living it. “

ROLE MODELS AND SOCIETY

My dad was my main caregiver and he did his absolute best but let’s face it, the dads who stay behind and take care of their children aren’t discussed often either. What he did know how to do was cover my practical needs, for this I will forever be grateful but this meant that sometimes he was emotionally unavailable.

These discussions were not being had period. Not with us, not around us and definitely not in society as a whole; not in the same way absent-fathers were discussed. I’ve had conversations with my own dad about this recently and he expressed that he struggled in the same way because of the lack of discussion around this. He didn’t know where to turn to for advice, he didn’t know any other men immediately around him that could relate to this. This resulted in him not even recognising that he needed advice on this on the first place – in his eyes he was doing every he should and would be doing had my mum never treated me in this way/left me.

I was fortunate that my grandma was there during this transition; she was my source of love and support and this cushioned me as the rest of my world was crumbling. Although she died only a couple of years later, having her was vital to me as I was able to experience that maternal guidance first-hand.

Growing up I had a couple of close friends whose mothers did embrace me into their lives and I always felt welcome. I had one close friend growing up whose house I had dinner at every night for at least 3 years, I was never made to feel like a burden. It provided me with routine and again, without this I might have felt the loss of my mum even more deeply.

Being able to witness these healthy mother-daughter relationships pushed me into me realising just how much my own mum had wronged me and that was painful; to the point where I sometimes stayed away.

CLAIRA’S EXPERIENCE

“The day my mum died I think my whole family kind of died and was reborn because nothing was ever the same. Everything changed and everyone changed.

For my teenage and early 20’s I tried to cope alone because I truly felt I was alone. I missed out on the attention and affection my mum had once given me. I really didn’t know where I fitted it. I felt uncomfortable in myself, in my life and in the world. My ‘future’ or ‘what I could be’ was never even discussed or considered. I had very little guidance and so most stuff I had to workout for myself.

My Dad is a lovely man. I love him very much. He dealt with things in his own way which I know at the time he thought was best for us and him. It wasn’t. I didn’t have a role model. He did the best with what he knew at the time, as this wasn’t being spoken about; the consequence was that I didn’t get the support I actually needed but instead got the support he thought I needed.

I started my period on Christmas eve. I knew a little bit about them. I didn’t want to tell anyone so I used my pocket money to buy sanitary towels for a year or so before anyone notice. It was scary and every time something like that happened I was reminded of how much I wanted my mum back. It was always very emotional.

As far as role-models go, I just don’t think I’ve ever had that. I started reading books, trying therapy and doing all I could from the space I was in to achieve some kind of equilibrium. Everything else took a back bench because I started to realise that until I raised myself to a level playing field internally nothing else would have balance, nothing else would make me feel whole and nothing else would allow me to finally feel happiness. “

LET’S TALK ABOUT IT

It’s like we all power through life, not just because we have to but because we know we deserve to thrive; then Mothers Day comes around and we breakdown.

There are some fundamental and obvious problems that need addressing; it all starts with having open and honest conversations. We can be the women to each other that we have so been in need of. What’s clear is, the loss of our mums has shaped our lives and we owe it to ourselves to continue unlearning behaviour that only hurts us further.

I think after all 3 posts, I will do a final one to fully analyse what we have all had in common. I do think it’s important to remember that when we are talking about absent-mums, there are also young girls/women out there whose mothers left them without a say or choice in the matter due to death. Whether our mothers chose to leave or have died – we still had to navigate life without them and we have all been shaped by this.

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