#I know it's a mess but I am so tired

[murder-and-mayhem]

Meet My OC

S E H L A A N | SITH WARRIOR

Romances: Malavai Quinn during the Warrior storyline (ended it after the Quinncident) | Theron Shan during Shadow of Revan | currently in a committed relationship with Arcann.

@ladytirall I saw your post about OC's so I couldn't resist showing off my main. She is a redeemed Sith Warrior, and I am ✨obsessed✨ with her. I gave a lot some backstory below the cut, and I apologize in advance for the dissertation. I got way too carried away....

A/N: I am highly aware that this backstory fucks the SWTOR timeline mercilessly considering all class stories technically occur simultaneously. This is just the headcanon following my in-game family tree. My structuring of Imperial Society is loosely based on this post by @fluffynexu (particularly the schooling that Force-sensitive Sith children undergo), along with my own headcanon that not all "legitimized" children born in the Empire come with the obligation of marriage. Basically something along the lines of "powerful bloodlines are so inherent to the power structure/caste system that procreation has become a transaction". It's fucked up, but the Empire is fucked up so why not go balls to the wall.

In 3665 BBY, Sehlaan was born on Dromund Kaas to Jaidys Mar'el—better known across the Empire as Darth Nox. Her birth was part of a contractual agreement between Nox and a prominent Kaasian family. Darth Nox—a former slave and distant descendant of Lord Aloysius Kallig—had been newly appointed as a member of the Dark Council after killing her predecessor.

Her position on the Council was hardly secure at the time. Many Sith saw her rise to power as an affront, and—whether due to their prejudice, their own ambitions, or both—Nox was met with many attempts to usurp her seat, and subsequently end her life. In an attempt to solidify her position in the Empire and ensure her own legacy, she made an offer to several powerful families at the top of Kaasian society. She focused particularly on old families who had a reputation for their ruthless ambition, and offered them a mutually beneficial contract: she would produce an heir with one of their bloodline. A legitimate child between a Dark Council member with ancient Sith blood, and a sire from a deeply respected family boasting ties to high-ranking officials and its own prestigious bloodline.

The child would cement an alliance between the two, give her a better foothold among the Sith still clawing for her Council seat, and offer the families who accepted a chance to grow more powerful among their peers. Two of the families were able to overcome their distaste towards her years as a slave, and accepted her offer. Two families. Two children.

Sehlaan's brother, Torvahl, was born first to a different father, and Sehlaan followed two years after. Her childhood was strictly managed and closely monitored by both her mother and her biological father's family. When her Force sensitivity manifested at 4 years old she began a training regimen, with the end goal to have her attend the Academy on Korriban when she came of age and had finished her years of study.

Sehlaan took to her training with obedience and an eagerness to please, eclipsing all initial expectations that had been set for her. She was heralded as intuitive and clever among her masters, quick to learn, and deeply attuned to her connection with the Force. Sehlaan excelled in her studies, and her mother's personal lessons in dual saber combat had labeled her somewhat of a prodigy.

Sehlaan's brother hadn't fared nearly as well. He had proficient skill with a dual saber, but his hesitance to tap into his passions during his training had stunted his connection to the Force. He also struggled in his studies and had issues focusing. Sehlaan often helped him practice, even going so far as to help him cheat in order to remain close to him and spare him their mother's ire. When Sehlaan's interference was discovered, the resulting punishment was severe on both children. Torvahl's masters labeled him as weak and slow, and Darth Nox quickly wrote him off as a failure. Sehlaan, however, loved her brother deeply, and she refused to give up on him so easily. She did everything within her power to help him catch up by meditating with him, studying, and sparring.

When they were 13 and 11 years old, Torvahl disappeared. It was discovered later by Jaidys' contacts at Imperial Intelligence that he had run away with an SIS agent who'd escaped capture under mysterious circumstances. Her own spies later reported that he'd been sent to Tython, and that he was excelling at his training at the Jedi Temple despite his late start. 

The event was extremely traumatic for Sehlaan. Her mother forbade any mention of him with swift, brutal punishment to follow if her orders were disobeyed. Nox was deemed incompetent by Torvahl's sire and relations between the two deteriorated significantly, creating new enemies of the family and their allies. The only thing that protected Nox from the fallout of Torvahl's 'betrayal' was Sehlaan's biological father. His family was the wealthier and better connected of the two, and their peers were hesitant to fight an open war between them.

All of the pressure to succeed now fell on Sehlaan, and her already strict schedule became micromanaged down to the minute. She was made to train and study harder, and she was no longer attending a public academy. Instead she trained under Nox's ally, Darth Vowran, as well as several other masters and scholars that shared the same allegiance.

Sehlaan had no choice but to obey.

Torvahl's disappearance left her heartbroken, and being an 11 year old without an outlet her pain quickly turned into outright fury. She felt abandoned by her brother, and was gutted that he hadn't trusted her to tell her of his plan so she could leave with him. Her bitterness and rage fed her connection to the Dark side, and she shouldered the burden of her family's legacy with renewed vigor.

When she was 20 years old she was brought into the Sith Academy ahead of schedule by Overseer Tremel. She was given strict instructions that she was not to reveal her mother's position on the Dark Council to others. Nepotism was rampant among the Sith, but Tremel wanted her to be chosen on her merit, not her connections. The plan succeeded, and Sehlaan became the newest apprentice to Darth Baras.

In the first year of her apprenticeship, she was tasked with hunting down her Master's nemesis, Nomen Karr, and his padawan, Jaesa Willsaam. Baras' intel stated that Jaesa could sense the true intentions and alignments of anyone through the Force, and Sehlaan was curious. She'd had a decade to seethe over her brother's decision to run, and during all of those years under Nox's thumb she'd slowly begun to understand why he'd grasped at any chance to leave. Even if she couldn't forgive him for leaving her behind.

This new understanding left her feeling conflicted, and she found herself questioning her allegiances—something she had desperately tried and succeeded to hide from both her mother and her new master. As she hunted the Jedi down, she found ways to still appease Darth Baras in her decisions without causing as much bloodshed, listing pragmatism for her choices rather than mercy.

When Sehlaan finally confronted Karr and Jaesa, the padawan turned her power on the Sith and saw this confict. Sehlaan was at a tipping point. After Nomen Karr's fall, Jaesa left with Sehlaan of her own free will to become her apprentice, and Sehlaan began to learn and understand the Light side of the Force in secret. It took working through hundreds of setbacks (especially during her years as the Emperor's Wrath) and overcoming decades of indoctrination before she was able to cleanse her lightsaber crystal, eventually changing the color from red to white.

It wasn't until her meeting with Darth Marr and Satele Shan in the forests of Odessen that she was able to find true balance in the Force. Using components provided by Marr and Master Shan, she built a new lightsaber using her own cleansed crystal before going on to defeat Arcann. After his fall, she chose mercy despite the blow back from her allies on the decision, eventually leading to his joining of the Alliance.

Arcann saw it as a chance to redeem himself and heal the wounds he'd left on the greater galaxy. Later during a private moment between the two, he asked her why she'd chosen to let him live and why she'd let him join her on Odessen. Sehlaan quietly told him of her own journey towards the Light, and how sparing him and his mother had been an easy decision in her eyes.

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

I wish women did not feel so strongly about the fact men, on average, are physically stronger than them. I feel like women have such negative feelings about this that it drives them to ridiculousness. Listen, I get it. I get it, I get it, I get it. The fact men are stronger is frightening. It’s scary to know that if a man decided to physically attack you then you are probably fucked. The USWNT, women who have spent years honing their skills on the field, lost to teenage boys who—when compared to the women—were basically just beginning to develop their talents. I understand how demeaning that can feel to every woman who hears this fact. I can imagine how demeaning it was for the USWNT. I’m sure every woman has been in a situation, playful or threatening, where they have tested their strength against a man and lost miserably. I’ve seen videos where women hit and slapped men with genuine rage and fury and the man barely even flinched. I understand how embarrassing and scary it can be to come to terms with the strength disparity between men and women, but you simply must come to terms with it. Far too many women have taken to pretending that it's not there—this is not a good approach.

Women choose to pretend it's not there because acknowledging that it's there makes them feel inferior. I ask women to remember that this world was built with the ideals of men in mind and to cater to their specific strengths. Men value strength and violence so of course the world is going to seem like those two things are all that’s valued in it. It's no coincidence that many male heroes are physically strong/easily able to cause harm—such as Naruto or John Wick or the Avengers. Of course it feels shitty, as a woman who inhabits this world, to have to acknowledge that your biology generally prevents you from being able to have the ‘can beat anyone in a fight’ type of strength that gets constantly praised.

However, I implore women to consider that men being physically stronger than them is no more of a significant fact than women being able to give birth while men cannot. Women also have biological advantages over men but when was the last time you saw a man calling himself inferior because of them? Imagine if the world was built with female advantages in mind. Imagine a world where the ability to give birth was seen as some sort of pinnacle of human worth. I mean, the ability to give birth is crazy. You are literally creating a whole new life. The female body is capable of providing the necessary tools to bring about a whole new person. Every brain that has thought of something life changing and every hand that has built something new was brought into existence by a woman’s reproductive system. Every single person that has ever so much as breathed was brought to life by a woman, but men never think women are superior for this fact.

Oh, but women couldn’t get pregnant without men, right? No. IVF exists. But even without it, the correct thing to say would be that women cannot get pregnant without sperm. A woman can get artificially inseminated. She never has to go out and find a man to have sex with. Is that not an advantage? Because, I mean, what can a man do if he wants to have a child but no woman is willing to give him one? Hire a surrogate? That comes with a list of complications, is far more intimate than artificial insemination, and is incredibly expensive. How is that not a disadvantage of being male? You may be thinking that you, as a woman, never want to become pregnant, but that is not the point!  The point is that it's arbitrary to look at biological advantages as anything other than completely neutral.

Women also survive famine better and live longer than men. Imagine a world where women held this over men’s heads? But we don’t live in that world. In this world, I’m certain a man would say that they die sooner because of being braver, taking more risks, and doing dangerous jobs. However, if it were women putting themselves in danger and dying as a result, men would not be quick to call us brave; they'd call us the opposite. Idiotic. Foolhardy. Too stupid to take the necessary precautions to keep ourselves alive.

It is just so painful to see women lamenting over the physical disparity between men and women. Let it go. Consider being neutral on the subject of biological advantage. Consider that male strength isn't something to pretend doesn't exist and isn’t something that proves women are inferior.

I understand that acknowledging vulnerability is against the survival Instinct—I get it—but come on. How can we let this get to a point where we’re saying it’s okay for males to enter female sports and beat the absolute crap out of/wipe the floor with women? Them being stronger is neutral! It does not mean anything! But it’s fact. Pretending it’s not only serves to put women in a losing position. Pretending it’s not only serves to make women into a laughing stock. Men will gladly collect medals that belong to women—they’ve been doing that forever. If there was no reason for male and female leagues then there wouldn’t be any. You cannot deny your way into something being true. I also wish it were true that the average woman was evenly matched against the average man, but it’s simply not reality. In the same way that it’s not reality that the average woman is taller than the average man.

I am begging women to think neutrally about this topic instead of being in such deep turmoil over it that they open the door for men to walk all over us.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

finally colored that Eddie scribble <3 rough day p.2!

[myokk]

fast sketch for today💓💓

[pardonmydelays]

when i was 18 years old i was dating a boy who was treating me like a princess. he was absolutely perfect. before i graduated high school he told me he can't wait for me to lose touch with all of my friends so he can have all of me just for himself.

when i was 20 years old i was dating a boy i had a huge crush on back when we were teenagers. he didn't really care about my interests, only about his own. whenever i was feeling down he was telling me that i should be on meds cause i'm fucking crazy.

when i was 21 years old i was dating an older guy. he was smart, intelligent, we had a lot in common. he was trying to change a lot about me tho. he told me once that he will never be able to love me as much as i love him.

when i was 24 years old i was dating a boy i thought i was gonna marry. our relationship was super messy, but i loved him so much. he had huge problems with alcohol. during one of our last fights he told me i should kill myself.

i'm 28 years old and i have trust issues. i'm scared to talk to people, i'm scared to open up to someone cause i already know how it's going to end. and i'm only saying this now because i'm tired of people telling me that i should find myself a boyfriend.

[jimmyclueless]

whimpering shaking sobbing drops this sniffles runs away

[crispyjenkins]

(AC wip) The Savage Price of Piety

it's desmond's deathday and i wrote like. 9,000 more words to this wip (first two parts here) last week and i want to brag about it, so happy deathday you wet bastard (mostly gen but with a surprise rarepair, time travel/reincarnation, found family, william miles’ a+ parenting, accidental subterfuge, desmond goes by miles mostly, inspired by study of flight by @esamastation but with a twist!, only somewhat historically accurate swears by which i mean probably not at all but leonardo had some Opinions alright) have some (three) chronological but scattered bits of scenes

  “Oh,” Claudia says as soon as she opens the door, seeing Ezio’s rather wretched expression, “you’ve figured it out, then.”

  “You could have told me,” he growls, following her into the entryway and closing the door behind himself. 

  Claudia scoffs, spinning on heel to lead the way further into the building for the kitchens. “I had one conversation with the boy, brother, I was hardly sure of it myself. Wait,” she halts and points a finger at him accusingly, “how did you figure it out?”

  Ezio, quite graciously he thinks, ignores the subtle insult to his intelligence. Sighing, he pushes back his hood before their mother sees him with it on indoors, and runs a hand over his beard. “I had Leonardo visit.”

  Claudia’s face slackens, before twisting into a rage that has Ezio stepping away warily.

  But she punches the wall instead of her brother, a shouted “Gods damn it!” echoing in the narrow space. Then she spins on her heel and hollers further into the residential part of the bordello, “Mother! We forgot about Leonardo!”

  Horrified by his sister and concerned for his mother’s current mental state, Ezio reaches out to put a hand on Claudia’s arm, but he doesn’t get the chance before Maria de' Auditore is shouting right back, “God damn it!”

  Grumbling, Claudia stomps down the hall and leaves a very confused Ezio hurrying to follow; she ignores all his pleas for explanation until she’s stomped into the kitchen, where their mother is pouring two very large glasses of wine, with very little water to cut down the potency. She passes one to Claudia silently, and then they both drink, though luckily they aren’t attempting to down it all at once.

  “I can’t believe we forgot the Maestro,” their mother mutters to herself as she comes over to kiss Ezio on both cheeks, before shoving the still mostly-full glass into his hands.

  “Forgot him for what?” Ezio wants to know, clutching the glass like a mother clutches a babe.

  “To test if Miles really is an Auditore.” It’s said so flippantly, like it doesn’t affect Claudia at all, but she also collapses into one of two chairs at the little tea table under the largest window. Their mother takes the other, massaging her forehead and looking like she’s grieving their family all over again.

  It occurs to Ezio, as he moves to stand next to the table, that she probably is.

--

“It’s all up to you now, Seventeen.”

  Desmond opens his eyes to the dark of the dormitory, faint moonlight cutting over the floor between his bed and Nino’s, and he can’t bring himself to move — even to roll off his arm that is very much still asleep. 

  Clay still haunts him.

  Five hundred fucking years, and his current twenty-four besides, and that fucker still won’t leave him alone. If Desmond were not so familiar with what an actual Bleed feels like, he’d almost think Clay is stuck in his brain the same way as his ancestors. Thank fuck he stopped Bleeding Ezio’s memories and feelings, while still retaining much of the training.

  Fuck, time travel is so weird.

  Or, reincarnation? He’s not sure of much, but he’s sure he was dead, he’s sure he burned, and he’s sure that though his 15th century mother had affectionately called him [redacted], his name is Desmond Miles.

  Or just Miles, he supposes. Sue him, he panicked when Adele first approached him, and the best aliases are ones you know you’ll respond to, right? If only he’d have had the forethought to divorce himself from his... future family’s surname.

  It sounds different enough with an Italian accent that it hasn’t caused any problems, yet. Like making him flinch. Or snapping that he hasn’t been a Miles since he was sixteen.

  Granted, he still has no idea what he would go by instead. Altaïr and Conner would feel weird, while Sef or Darim are just a bit on the nose, and does he look like an Edward? Malik, maybe. His grandmother here, now, is actually from the Levant, so his skin is certainly dark enough that people wouldn’t be surprised by the name.

Except that feels almost akin to naming himself Leonardo.

--

  So instead, Leonardo spends every spare moment with his best friend, sometimes to brainstorm, sometimes to simply be there for him. It’s during one of these visits, he and Ezio once again observing the youngest assassins in the training ring, that he hears Miles laugh for the first time, and it’s as if ice water has been poured directly into his veins.

  Oh fuck. Oh Saints, oh Holy Father, oh fuck.

  “Leonardo?” Ezio asks quietly, head tilted towards him in concern, but Leonardo ignores him to stumble for the bannister to lean over it and stare down at Miles learning a little jig from Tullio, laughing all the while.

  He had only heard it once, truth be told, and it had been Salaí that had caused it, but even three years later, Leonardo remembers the laugh of Rodrigo Borgia’s sinister little shadow.

  Below, Miles doesn’t stop smiling, but his golden brown gaze yanks up towards Leonardo as if knowing his thoughts are about him. His eyes narrow, then widen slightly in realisation, and then he winces and looks away, which is all the confirmation Leonardo needs.

  Turning around, Leonardo grabs a confused Ezio by the arm and drags him from the training room, ignoring his protests until they find the nearest empty room.

  “Leonardo, what—?”

  “Romulus.”

-

[peridoxikal-redux]

I just have a lot of feelings about the Builder

[meowsticmarvels]

i think i mightve talked abt this a bit in my longpost about how insane phi as a character is to me but yknow what i really wanna point out? all the nonary game shit she has to go through happens in really quick succession to her - she doesn't really get a proper "break" in between VLR and ZTD for her mentally. junpei and akane at least have about a year between the two, and sigma has 45 years (not that either of those situations were particularly good either though, looking at how sigma and junpei especially turned out, and sigma spent years WORKING on the AB game, just not participating in it). but for phi? she has a matter of DAYS in between the two. the time sigma spends she spends in cold sleep, so mentally to her, her consciousness goes from the events of VLR's phi end to DCOM almost instantly. dcom only ends up lasting for about 5 days, and even then the prologue states that phi/sigma/akane spent most of it worrying about radical-6 and the future + the flashback with diana shows phi is just so Tired after everything after just that. and then the decision game happens. my point is just that i cannot imagine being in a death game like that (not to mention everyone had radical-6, so she went from a body that Did have it to one that didn't, which i can imagine would probably a pretty weird experience considering one of its symptoms is messing up your perception of time. and also she was on the moon.), spending 5 days like god how did the apocalypse start i can't let it happen this time and then being in Another death game that is much more gruesome and violent. not to mention both of them in a way HAD to happen because of her (2074 nonary game bc it needed to train sigma and phi's SHIFTing abilities to a good enough degree and decision game one of the reasons was to ensure she and delta were born). in summary: i would fucking die at that point if i was phi dealing with that All At Once. in the span of a few days. and with the memories of my + others' deaths. what the fuck

[seariii]

:0

[floral-hex]

woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

[the-n3w3st-g1rl-g1rl]

I'm realizing that the fact that Rudy and Noelle call Kris "Krismas" implies that Christmas is still a thing in Deltarune's universe. Like, it's not called something else or anything. So even though their religion centres on an Angel, I guess Jesus is still part of at least a religion in their world idk I'm tired

[i-am-totally-not-a-lizard]

Wow

[depression-anxiety-me]

[bluevaractyl]

Failed to turn in my last homework assignments of the semester 🙂 Now I've just got three final exams and I am freeeeeee

[squisheebugdoodles]

one of two attacks i did on HoneyyBee 83