#I know it’s my fault for caring too much and getting too attached to people I can’t expect people to feel the same way I do
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haarute · 12 days ago
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it's amazing how almost all of my friendships (and by almost all i mean Every save like three) are ruined by my own self essentially swerving into a wall and crashing on purpose due to my inability to believe my company could ever be even slightly desirable to anyone and i'd rather just burn it all and die than see myself as someone who intrudes and abuses people's kindness out of my own selfish desire to want companionship.
#i was going to post something similar the other night but i fell asleep instead#but i was thinking about how truly all cases for me boil down to#>i talk with someone and we have a great time >they express a level of joy in interaction >i get weirdly attached too quickly#>i am comfortable enough to openly be myself which inevitably ends on a weird interaction >i talk too much and am too clingy#>i convince myself that that was actually awful and annoying and not something anybody wanted to hear#>i decide to leave and never be seen again because i don't want to be hated more than i already am in my head#>i am miserable because i really wanted to keep talking to that person#i just had a random two day-long chat with someone who messaged me and we had a good time talking about chainsaw man#and it truly took not much time for me to start going off about other shit until i noticed replies got so much shorter and alienated#and i just stopped altogether. because yeah man you're not here for this and you're probably too polite to tell me to go fuck myself so#i'll just do it for you.#and I KNOW that that's a me problem.#I KNOW that that's my own brain convincing itself that i am worse than i actually am in the eyes of others#and i am AWARE of how unfair that is to anyone else. it speaks to a clear lack of trust that is also my fault#but there's also a reality that i'm just. Not someone that people are particularly Excited to talk to#and i feel like i've wanted nothing more than that ever since i lost it when i was 15 years old#i am Tolerable at usual and a Cartoon Clown at best. and none of those serve as particularly deep connections.#and i know that that's once again a me problem. and i shouldn't ever place that expectation on anyone. that is not fair. and i try not to.#but like. is it bad for me to want that to begin with?#should i just abandon the idea altogether and accept that yeah i am just destined to be a crazy hermit murmuring ramblings by themselves#is that the Morally correct thing to do? to just be alone? that's for sure what it feels like to me#that yeah that's what my life is always going to be. no joy in connection or sharing. just an endless stream of thoughts by myself.#that way at least my life won't get in the way of anyone else's lives.#and like. i am always hoping that someone would make a deliberate attempt to reach out to me even if i'm hell bent on isolating myself.#because that would be a proof that someone cares enough you know? that I Am an active choice that someone makes.#but that never comes. and that's not something that would be fair for me to expect or ask for either. would it?#might as well hope for a unicorn while i'm at it.
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justevelynnnn · 27 days ago
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Don’t fight it
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Pairing: Viltrumite!fem reader x Mark Grayson
Summary: You’re a secret viltramite on earth. After Nolan abandoned his post and couldn’t complete his one mission you stepped in, trying to convince Mark, but you couldn’t convince him to join the right side so now you two have to fight. But what happens when you fight your boyfriend and the adrenaline rush leads to something other than fighting?
Warnings: Smut 🔞, Fighting, swearing, reader is a female, reader gets her nose broke
A/N: I wrote and edited this in a day😭 I just had the idea pop in my head and I just had to get it out.
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“Mark.”
“NO.” Your boyfriend runs a hand through his hair. “God…literally fuck you.”
It was a hot day. You stood there with your arms crossed, starting to sweat through your tank top now. The heat was making this even more irritating. It had been about a week since Nolan left and it was right before his fake funeral. You decided to confront Mark outside his house…maybe try to convince him yourself to join the cause. Nolan clearly was a failure at that, oh well, but now it was your turn.
“Mark, stop that. You know I love you. You love me. This is for a good cause!”
“Shut the fuck up, seriously. First, my dad….now YOU?”
He steps towards you so you step back a bit. You don’t want to fight him. You’ve known him for years. He’s never yelled at you, got aggressive…anything. You’re not too shocked by the reaction though..sure, the timing could’ve been better, but now has to be the time. Nolan is a dirty fucking traitor who ran away because he KNEW you were coming for him for not doing what he was supposed to. And if not you then the others.
It was his idea after all. To get Mark to fall in love with you and slowly convince him to help take over the planet. His words to be exact actually was he got distracted with Debbie, had a child and became attached…and obviously so; but you ended up falling in love with Mark too. Not part of the plan. It was embarrassing to admit really but it is what it is. You cared for him, but god, why couldn’t he just open his stupid eyes? The Viltrumites just want to help. It’s the humans fault if they get killed trying to resist. Right?
“Listen to me… We just want to help. Surely, Nolan explained that to you, right?” You say reaching a hand out but Mark promptly slaps it away.
“So, WHAT?! You guys just want to kill people.” He spat, face reddening and his chest rising and falling quickly.
“No one wants to kill anyone. But..”
“BUT NOTHING.”
“Mark-” you’re cut off from him shoving you harshly. So harsh that you stumble back a bit.
You instinctively get into a fighting stance, but no…no you don’t want to fight him. Anything, but that please…
“What? What? Huh?! You’re gonna beat me to a pulp too?! Push me through a moving subway too!?”
“Please, stop Mark. Please, I don’t want to do this.”
Another harsh shove. It’d be one thing if you were a regular human girl, but you assumed him knowing what you are now changed things. He started to float in the air. No suit, just the clothes he showed up in. A white tee and gray sweat shorts.
You stare into his eyes almost pleading, slightly confused by what he’s not understanding. If he cared so much about these….people, then why not allow the Viltrumites to step in and help this race get stronger?
You only arrived here from Viltrum about 10 years ago. You didn’t age much since then but you still appeared middle school aged. After you were found and adopted by some random couple you were soon enrolled into Mark’s middle school. That’s how you met him and eventually how your “parents” met Nolan and Debbie.
You could tell instantly this was Omni man. He’d been here for years so they sent you to see what was up. Mark was almost a splitting image of him and you immediately put two and two together even at your young age. Saying he was embarrassed was probably an understatement when you revealed yourself to him one day when you were “13”.
Nothing was the same since that day.
Nothing.
You genuinely did not want to hurt Mark, but the way his fists were balled up and his teeth were gritted,….
“Mark-”, you started once again.
“Shut. Up.” His scarred lip curled into an intense frown now. This was it. It was too late to convince him to stop. He continued with, “I’m not going to let ANYONE conquer my planet. I don’t care about viltrumite anything! I don’t care if you guys are trying to “help”.”
You didn’t respond. What could you say? It was clear he wasn’t going to be convinced anytime soon. You sighed and balled your own fists.
“I guess every couple fights at least once, huh?” You sighed. It was really more to yourself, but you almost forgot Mark had just as good ears as you.
Immediately, “What!? You think this is funny?!”
You didn’t get to respond as he soon launched towards you, landing a punch to your gut. You struggle and gasped as it was unexpected. It wasn’t enough to leave a mark or anything. You knew that. It wasn’t Mark’s style to kill, especially when it came to anyone he cared about.
But, did he really just do that? Oh, Mark…
And so it begins. You spring into the air pulling him by the shirt. You were unexpectedly more angry than you thought. If only you could get him to actually fucking listen for once. And something about him saying this was his planet….ugh. He doesn’t understand how weak and useless these people are to space.
You flung him to the ground once you were high enough. He had fiercely thrashed and clawed against you while in the air, tearing your shirt a bit in the process but never striking you again. He still cared. Maybe he didn’t want to fight either.
He landed with a loud thud with a huge puff of air immediately followed.
“We don’t have to do this.” You yelled once more. “Don’t fight this…”
No response. You couldn’t see him through the smoke that came from the landing as it hadn’t cleared completely yet but you knew he wasn’t dead.
Then, a yell as he again rose from the smoke and attacked you once more. He’s throwing punches you can easily dodge, grunting and yelling like he’s giving it all when you know he’s not. He’s weak but not…this weak.
You block his punches, dodge, land a couple of your own… you were a skilled fighter of course, but Mark despite hardly training was just as good.
The air was thick with fury and rage as you guys are just spinning and fighting in the air now. One punch landed you right in the face with a sick cracking noise from your nose following soon after. Ouch.
He broke your nose…
He actually broke your nose.
You both briefly stop for a moment. A hand instinctively raising to your nose to see blood leaking and covering your hand. Your eyes flicker to Mark as you see him hesitate. He doesn’t move, but behind that still an angry expression was a hint of concern. You smiled through the pain which only forced the confusion to show more. You push him back to the ground once more once you realized he was caught off guard enough.
You landed next to him in the street as he sprung up once more and you two started fighting and wrestling once more. You knocked him over a couple of more times, getting swift jabs in on his sides, but he keep getting up just as quick. Blood from your nose splattered everywhere landing on the ground, on yourself and Mark as you keep throwing punches and even some kicks. You tackled him and pushed him through his living room window (thank god Debbie wasn’t home to see this) and you landed with him in his lap, your hands pressed on his chest.
“You ready to listen?” You panted. Blood still dripping from your nose on his chest. You ignored the pain catching your breath hoping he’d stop. He’s pretty bruised up now, wasn’t this enough?
He didn’t respond but he just stared into your eyes catching his own breath. You almost started to admire how he looked underneath you until he quickly started to push you off of him, succeeding and quickly reeling his hand back. You blocked it just in time standing and started throwing your own punches his way repeatedly.
You two knocked into furniture violently. He backed into the cabinets causing Debbie’s glasses to fall and loudly shatter behind, and around him with some shards flying and slicing you. You tripped over a potted plant at one point trying to dodge a punch and once you landed on the ground he was immediately straddling you now.
You’d push him off if he wasn’t so pretty and literally your boyfriend who you weren’t supposed to fucking love in the first place. His hair stuck to his face as it was covered and dripping with sweat, a black eye was slowly forming which you felt a bit guilty for and his lip was now cut again. He panted once more as his hands wrapped around your throat, not tight enough to choke you but…enough. Enough to turn that adrenaline into something else.
A moment passed again. The universe must be saying something for you both to end up in this position over and over. And Mark must be saying something because you see him getting hard through his shorts. You guessed his adrenaline was going somewhere else too.
And, Jesus, did he look hot all sweaty and angry above you like this. Your sweet silly Mark, now suddenly the complete opposite.
You struggled a bit, almost still wanting to fight until he muttered darkly, “What? It’s like you said, don’t fight it…”
You watched as the anger in his eyes slowly turned into lust. Dangerous lust. Watching as he bit his lip, and muscles flexing as he tightened his grip ever so slightly. You let a moan slip and it was over.
He leaned down immediately to kiss you. His lips were still soft just like before but now with that irony taste of blood. Something about him was just so addicting. The way he growled as you reached to grope him through his pants, the way his grip tightened more so now you did struggle to breathe… the way his tongue fought yours violently like he was trying to eat you. Like he wanted to taste your final breath.
When he let go you gasped for air. You weren’t weak so no time soon when you were going to signal him to let go but a part of you also enjoyed the thrill. He only let go to fling off his shirt and yank his pants down his thighs. You almost froze eyeing his physique especially glistening like this with his sweat.
“Take your fucking clothes off.” He says harshly staring you down while simultaneously stroking himself. His tone and behavior slightly caught you off guard as you froze, and he snapped you out of it quickly by grabbing your face with one hand fiercely and barking, “Now.”
You start pulling your tank off your head as he pulled your shorts off, soon following your panties.
“Why does your underwater have the fucking viltrumite symbol on it?” He snickered eying the damp fabric. He proceeded to wave it in your face but all you could see was his muscles flexing in his arms, veins popping. Adrenaline was still rushing through your own body, but you could tell the same was for Mark.
“Some of us actually appreciate our heritage.” You spit back smirking. You wished deep down you wore something more attractive though.
“All of you are so weird.” He said spitting directly on your cunt. You flinched and fought back a moan as he promptly started to slowly finger you right after.
“You can barely fight, what makes you think you can fuck?” You try to say it with confidence, still slightly passed at him but more at yourself for allowwimg this to happen. Instead it comes out airy, filled with need because he’s fingering you with two fingers now with his thumb pressing your clit.
“Says the virgin.” He laughed dryly.
Now you’re more pissed. You told him that as a secret. Who does he think he is?
“What makes you thin-”, you start but you’re cut off by him roughly kissing you once more, and at some point he bites your lip, drawing blood. He licks it before you do.
He muttered a “shut up” as he kissed down your neck quickly and impatiently. At some point he stopped fingering you, and you almost whined at the loss. He pulled away to lick his soaked fingers clean with his tongue, moaning as he stared into your soul. You almost take this chance to his him again, which you actually do, but he stops you and swiftly flipped you over so you’re on all fours now.
A calloused hand pushes your face down before you try to get up, and another hand pressed down on your back forcing your arch a bit more.
“Don’t fight it.~” He says almost mockingly. You groan feeling him as he lined his tip against your entrance.
“Stop….saying that. If you’d just listen for once-”
“Nope.” He says that as he pushed his full length into you. The stretch forced a long lengthy moan out of you. It hurt so good.
Mark wasted no time moving either, groaning himself as he thrusted slowly. It was almost like he was savoring how your walls felt around him. It took you a minute to get used to his size, especially being inexperienced.
“Fuckk.”, He groaned deeply.
His hands grip each side of your hips as he steadied himself. Sweat dripped onto your back side now as he hovered above you. You felt your ass ripple each time his hips met it and his hands tighten as you playfully squeezed him. Hearing his breath hitch each time gave you a thrill once more.
Until he started pounding you harder and deliberately aiming for your sweet spot. You didn’t think he’d find it so fucking quick but oh he did. It wasn’t long before you were seeing stars. At this point you’d knew you wouldn’t last long at all in this position.
Then, Mark flipped you over once more, pushing your thighs by your head and forcing you into a mating press. Strangely, you felt very exposed suddenly as he stared at you like you were a piece of meat. You reached to attack him once more until he harshly grabbed your wrist, brows furrowed and a growl escaping his throat once more before he started fucking you again.
“I’m not gonna stop until you say you won’t take over Earth.” He spat slightly whimpering.
“Guess we’re gonna—fuck—be here awhile, h-huh?” You smiled up at him.
He didn’t respond. He just fucked you harder now. Angrier. One hand was around your throat with another on your hip holding you in place. It was almost like he had done this before.
This lasted awhile. Only the slick, sloppy sounds of skin meeting and desperate noises filled the damaged living room. You were lucky you two ended up on a rug of all places. Your thighs were slick and covered his lower half with juices. Blood still ran a bit from your nose down your face, your bitten lip now swollen.
At some point he was fucking you so good your hands reached around his back and just scratched. He whined but kept going, and going, and going. It was almost like he was pissed. His hand tightened again so you could barely breathe and you were getting closer.
And him rubbing your swollen clit wasn’t helping. Your mind was spiraling and your limbs felt like putty. He leaned by your ear, messy damp hair falling on your shoulders as he kept muttering sick, lewd things into your ear about how he was going to fill you up until you beg him to stop. How soon you two have your own viltrumite child. How you felt so damn good around him, so tight and warm….
All of it simply sent you over the edge as you shook violently. You never felt this much pleasure in your life. Never. You almost couldn’t see with how good this orgasm was. You sounded like a broken record as you came around him, scratching his back once more. He kissed you again, damn near eating all your moans and whines.
You didn’t come down from your high for 5 minutes and all the while Mark still fucked you.
“Ready to join my side?” He said simply, thrusting slowly chasing his own orgasm. You were getting overstimulated and kept quivering...but viltrumites do not back down from missions so easily so…
“Never.”
“Okay, suit yourself.” He chuckled as he picked up the pace once more. He proceeded to pick up your discarded underwear and shove it in your mouth to “keep you quiet”.
Deep down you knew there was truly no convincing him. And deeper down you didn’t care.
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aayakashii · 1 month ago
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Okay so. The new Sho cards pushed me over the edge and I'll just publish this in multiple chapters because I can't contain it anymore and I kinda wanna know what people think to get some motivation skfhskdjhd
TW: sexual content, a bit of angst. Usage of the word senpai because I think it's kinda hot sorry. Sho is bad at feelings. MDNI
objects in the mirror are closer than they appear – ch. 1
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Sometimes you could feel when things had to come to an end - a subtle shift in the atmosphere and then, suddenly, your gut knew of what you had to do, even before your mind could catch up to it. The realization settled uncomfortably in your lungs, like words begging to be said. It was interesting, even if a bit cruel: your body knew what you needed even if you tried, tirelessly, to turn your gaze away from the glaring truth. But you just couldn’t pretend not to see it anymore.
You were laying under the thin sheets of Sho's bed as you have done before time and time again, feeling the dried sweat stick to your skin uncomfortably. By your side, he was scrolling through social media on his phone, oblivious to the conflict brewing in your chest.
After a while, it all began feeling empty – that age-old dance of limbs, and lips and tongues. At least to you. You knew men could stick their dick into anything and they'd be plenty satisfied.
And for a little while, you thought you could be satisfied with only that too.
When he said he wasn't looking for a relationship, but couldn't deny the attraction you both felt for each other – when he asked you to be his friend with benefits, just pleasure and no strings attached – you thought you could do that too. You thought you'd be fine. You were grown, right? Life isn't a fairytale after all, you weren't granted a primce charming, much less to have your feelings reciprocated by the one person you liked.
Still, this wasn't even that bad. It was easy. Simple. No commitment. You could do easy. You could do that.
Right?
It wasn't your fault, really. You just weren't aware of how much you wanted any kind of connection with Sho to understand that a relationship as loose as that was the last thing you needed from him.
But neither was it his fault.
You were the one who had fallen for him, entering an agreement while already breaking the one rule you two had: no strings attached.
Your mind kept racing back and forth, anxiety wrenching your stomach, until it became too hard to keep the thoughts to yourself.
"Sho." you called, throat hurting with the swell of all the words that have spent way too long unsaid.
"Yeah?" he replied, staring at his phone.
Deep breath in, deep breath out.
“You still don't plan on getting into a relationship, do you?” You murmured, fiddling with your bitten nails.
Sho blinked, stopping his doom scrolling to look at you.
“What?” He had chucked his bandana elsewhere at some point, too focused on what you two were doing to care much about the neatness of his hair. You hated how you still thought he looked gorgeous even when he was messy like that.
“You don't want a relationship. Right?” You raised your voice, even though it sounded weak to your own ears. “You still don't want one.”
He ran his fingers through his damp hair, sighing as if he was bracing for a conversation he didn't want to have.
“Yeah, no. I don't want a relationship right now. Why?”
You gave him a crooked smile and shook your head.
“Nothing. I was just thinking.” You picked up your discarded clothes from the floor. You didn't miss how his eyes raked over your body as you dressed up, but instead of feeling flattered, you could only pay attention to the deeply rooted bitterness in your core.
“Gonna go home.” You announced with a sniffle, grabbing your bag.
“Not gonna eat with me?” He asked with a small pout, sounding genuinely disappointed and it made you want to scream.
You just shook your head instead.
“No, I have some things I gotta do at my dorm.” You walked out, awkwardly evading his eyes as you did so. “Bye, Sho.”
“Oh… okay. Bye. I'll text you later.” You heard him say before you could close the door.
And when you got back to your dorm, right before entering the shower, you deleted his contact number.
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You didn't harbor any type of hatred towards Sho – if anything, at least he never lied and made promises he would never fulfill. He was straightforward. He didn't want anything else from you that wasn't your friendship or your body.
But even if your rational, objective mind knew that, it didn't stop the hurt. You couldn't stand to see his face at all.
His messages were deleted as soon as they arrived on your phone (you couldn't just block him, you WERE the inspector after all) and you were doing a great job of avoiding him at any cost. You weren't ready to see him so soon after you decided to get over him. It was only fair.
And you still liked him. You missed him – his friendship, how easy it felt to be with him, his gentleness towards you, his hands on your body and his lips on your skin. But you couldn't just keep on torturing yourself with unrequited love.
Loving without getting anything back was tiring, taxing. The subconscious expectation of him finally falling for you after yet another fuck was always there, no matter how hard you tried to shoo it away. No matter how much the display of intimacy meant to you, it just wasn’t the same for him.
No one would come to swoop in and save you, nor did it seem like he planned to change his mind.
You had to save yourself, once and for all – and it all had to start with you cutting him off.
Maybe it was a bit harsh to just stop all contact all of a sudden, but as much as he didn't owe you his feelings, you didn't owe him excuses. It was easy – it was over. As smoothly as it had started.
And you hoped the healing would come as easily as well.
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It had been, what? Almost a week? And Sho had yet to catch the littlest glimpse of you.
He wasn't one for dramatics, but he was pretty sure he was almost going insane. He went over all of your last interactions in his head, trying to find the culprit for your disappearance as he aggressively diced vegetables.
What happened? Did he say something? Did he do something? Why weren't you replying to any of his messages? Why weren't you visiting him at his work? Where the fuck were you, for fuck's sake?
“Careful. You're gonna cut a finger off.” Leo said in a sing-songy voice, right beside him. Sho gasped, the tight grip he had on his knife faltering and almost nicking his skin.
“What the fuck, Leo.” Sho barked the words harshly. He pushed himself away from the counter and ran a hand over his head. “I almost actually cut myself.”
Leo shrugged.
“Not my fault you're jumpy lately. What's going on, by the way? Did honor roll dump you?” his amber-like eyes glinted as he smirked, already eager to watch his reaction to his calculated nudges.
Sho only eyed him with a raised eyebrow.
“Dump me?” He grabbed a napkin, mindlessly wiping his hands as he began to feel restless at the mention of you. “We were never dating.”
At that, Leo widened his eyes, much to Sho's own confusion.
“You weren't dating? Fuck off.” he scoffed, in disbelief.
“No? We weren't dating. I said I didn't want a relationship. It was just some fun from time to time.” He murmured, the words feeling awfully bitter in his tongue. When he said it so plainly and out loud, it all felt so hollow. It felt cheap.
Leo's jaw dropped.
“Oh, so– Ohhh... Oh, damn. So you were just fucking them? Damn.” He whistled. “I kinda expected that from you, but not from them.” Leo giggled. “That's some humiliation kink if I've ever seen one.”
Sho furrowed his eyebrows.
“What do you mean?”
He rolled his eyes, explicitly aggravated by how dense Sho could be.
“I mean… To accept to be your fuck buddy just to be around you and get a little taste of you. That's pathetic, don't you think?”
Sho blinked, breath suddenly hitching in his throat.
“What– that's– no. We're just friends.”
Leo laughed humorlessly.
“Maybe you think like that, but they definitely want more. They're always looking at you with that stupid little lovesick look, like this "hi sho~ yes, oh fuck, yes, right there, don't stop sho~" Leo faked a loud moan, one hand moving up and down in a jerking motion, with his tongue out.
Sho pushed him without a second of hesitation, Leo's back hitting a shelf full of pots and pans that rattled loudly. He laughed, even though a grimace painted his features at the ear-splitting noise.
“Fucking stop. That.” Sho warned through gritted teeth, stabbing one finger on Leo's chest.
Leo swatted his hand away, rolling his eyes again.
“Not my fault you're slow and blind. But maybe it doesn't matter now.”
Sho's eye twitched, watching as Leo moved through the mess of his kitchen, making his way to the door.
“What do you mean by that?”
Leo sighed as the breeze of the outside air hit his face as soon as the truck's door was opened. He turned to face Sho.
“They haven't been around right? That's why you're so stressed. I guess they're probably trying to move on since you're doing the whole ‘dont wanna date’ thing”.
Sho is silent, indigo eyes stormy with poorly contained anger.
“I mean.” He shrugged, turning back to descend the dangerous stairs of the food truck. “You'd do better with someone hotter anyway. But find someone else soon so you'll stop being so hissy. It's pissing me off.”
Sho flinched as Leo slammed the door shut.
And alone, in the silence, Sho began to be haunted by his thoughts.
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He wasn't stupid. He knew there was something there, brewing silently inside your chest, but he also chose to ignore it.
He saw it in the stolen glances and how you held his hands when he hovered over you. He saw it in the way you refused to kiss him; in the way you explained that you’d reserve your kisses for someone who actually loved you, not a fuck buddy.
He remembered quite well the pang he felt in his chest when you said that, reverberating through bones with the same grimness of a death knell.
And he ignored it as well. There was nothing good that could come out of making things more complicated. Why should he? Wasn’t everything already too hard, being a fucking ghoul, being his brother’s dog, being in Darkwick, being a business owner… Why should he add another layer of complexity into his days? Wasn’t it okay to keep things easy?
But if Leo was right, then maybe you breaking the agreement was for the best – you were merely following the rules you two had set, back when he proposed it to you: no strings attached, no feelings. You were being responsible with your emotions and his boundaries.
And even knowing all that, Sho already fucking missed you way too much.
'No, scratch that', he shook his head, thinking to himself. He wasn’t missing you, per se. He was missing your body: the way his fingers sunk in the plushness of your flesh; the arch of your back when he hit a good spot; your breathless moans when he set a pace that was too overwhelming for you – yes. That's what he was missing. He was just missing the sex – having abstinence symptoms.
Right? Right. Yes.
He just had to suck it up like a proper man. Jerk the edge off and move on with his days.
He wouldn’t deny himself, however, of at least properly breaking things off with you. He thought he deserved that, at least.
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The next time Sho saw you, he had to corner you before you could spot him and run away, like you two were in some weird game of cat and mouse. You were leaving the bathroom, and he all but pounced right next to you, grabbing your arm firmly.
“Senpai. We need to talk.” he blurted out as you turned around on your heel, gasping.
“Sho! Holy shit! You almost gave me a heart attack!” you panted, placing a hand on your chest. He frowned.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to spook you, but you’ve been avoiding me so my only solution was cornering you.” he said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.
You looked away, opening your mouth as if you were about to retort his words, but nothing came out. Instead, you just sighed.
“Look-”
“I know you want to break off the agreement.” Sho interrupted you, words stumbling on each other as if he was afraid you’d disappear in any given moment, despite how firmly he kept holding your arm. “I- I know you don’t wanna… keep doing all that. And I just wanted to say I respect your wishes.”
At that, you blinked, widening your eyes. He scowled, looking away.
“No need to look so surprised. I’m not some monster, you know.”
You chuckled for a moment, and Sho swallowed thickly, eyes locked onto your lips as he realized how much he had missed hearing your voice and your laugh.
“I know you’re not.”
He frowned, an unwanted bitterness blooming inside his chest and seeping through his words.
“Then why did you disappear?” He said, a bit more sharply than intended. “You’ve been ignoring all of my messages. You haven't stepped foot in Vagastrom in a week. You aren't even eating lunch at my truck. We could have just talked in person, instead of you straight up ghosting me.”
You slowly pulled your arm from his grasp and he let go, albeit hesitant.
“I just…” you stared at him, gaze boring into his eyes. Sho noticed the pain in your expression and it made him suppress a shudder. Maybe Leo wasn’t wrong.
“I just realized we have different goals, I guess? I… I actually want one. A relationship, I mean. And you don’t. So I guess- I guess it’s just not gonna work anymore. Our agreement.”
He nodded slowly.
“Okay… but still, we could have talked. I thought we were friends.”
You laughed humorlessly, shaking your head. The pit inside his stomach grew with each second.
“Sho, I– Um.” you licked your lips, looking away “I don’t know if that’s gonna be possible for a while. Us being friends.”
His breath hitched on his throat.
“Why?”
“Because I have– I have feelings for you...?” you tilted your head, as if you were searching for the proper words, then nodded. He felt his heart stop at your words, but you just continued your spiel, none the wiser.
“Yeah, I guess I could put it this way. I entered the agreement already being in–" you cleared your throat, cutting your words off, but Sho knew all too well what you kept yourself from saying.
"I entered the agreement already having those feelings. I did it all just to be close to you. But it began hurting me, the ‘no strings attached’ thing. It was my fault, really. I knew nothing would come out of it. You made your boundaries very clear, but I kept on pushing. I just can’t push it anymore.”
The ground seemed to have disappeared from under his feet. He felt like his body was floating – unmoored, helpless, aimless – drifting through the space that surrounded you two. His thoughts were like cotton in his head as your words reached his ears.
You were doing what was right – you were respecting both of your boundaries. Things were askew from the beginning. Snipping the sickness in the bud was the right thing for you and for him.
Yet he couldn't shake the feeling that he was losing a lot more than he bargained for.
“To heal, I need to get over you. I can’t be your friend right now. I can't spend time with you, I can't see you otherwise all of this–” you gestured to your chest, smiling sadly. “–will never go away. Sorry. Maybe when I’m over it, we can be friends again. Right now… I’d like to ask you to only talk to me in case of emergencies, please.”
When he just kept staring at you, silent, you sighed. You squeezed one of his arms and muttered a goodbye under your breath, quickly walking away and into a classroom, before he could grab you again.
Before he knew, Sho was alone and you were nowhere in sight. For good, this time.
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Hi please comment or rb with tags letting me know what you think and if you like this idea, I really need the motivation to write again because the block has been AWWWWWFUL
Also yes, this little snippet here is supposed to be from this fic! Something that will happen later on :3
Thanks for reading and again: please interact with me (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)
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thanosscross · 4 months ago
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Going Home - Kwon Ji-Yong/G-dragon x reader x Choi Seung Hyun/T.O.P
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Summary: After a fight with your boyfriend, you're left going to the only place you remembered was close, the same place your two best friend lived.
Warnings: This is a lil deeper heavier fic lovelies, containing DV (domestic violence) between reader and their ex, so please, if you're not comfortable with the topic, please feel free to pass over this fic, and check out some of my other works instead, take care of yourselves lovelies <3 love you
Whenever you met Kwon Ji-Yong you were only seven, your mom being best friend's with his, causing you two grow up very close. After he joined YG Entertainment, You decided to stay back, supporting him from the sidelines as he quickly rose to fame with his group, BigBang. That's how you met Seung Hyun, quickly you all three became attached at the hip, doing everything together before you all hit the legal adult world.
As they moved on with their lives, you moved on with yours, starting a job as a dance teacher for younger kids, and finding a somewhat stable relationship. You and your boyfriend, Kim-Cho, were somewhat good together, you got along for the most part, you weren't sure how to describe how he was, it was difficult. He'd be so kind, but then all of a sudden just flip, going off on how you look or talk around his friends, he'd shower you with love before ditching you at a random shop to go to a party, in the middle of heat waves and winter storms. It was getting mentally draining for you, always feeling like you needed to be perfect, but at the same time, not too perfect, but also perfect. His mood swings had you slowly isolating yourself, not wanting him to be mad at you or your friends, much to Ji-Yong's disliking.
As the boys noticed you pulling away from everything, they felt as if it was their fault, they did promise not to forget about you whenever they got big, and they felt like they had for a little bit, getting wrapped up in working and the others. So they both tried apologizing, calling and messaging, but neither of them ever got a reply from you, only messages being left on open, and calls going straight to voicemail. Unknown to both, you were being screamed at with every text and call, your boyfriend, not liking the idea of another man calling and texting saying he's sorry and he loves you. Wednesday night was your final straw, whenever Kim-Cho busted into your shared home angrily, screaming something about where you were all day, knowing you had been in your bedroom the entire day, you lost your cool.
"I don't need a fucking father! Or You! You fucking crazy obsessive small dick bitch!" You shouted, gasping whenever you felt a hand connect with your throat "Say that again, fucking whore" He spat, you tried to stay calm, remembering your mother's words she had always told you once you started dating 'Some people will want to see you scared, don't let them, staying calm will scare them even worse'. You felt yourself becoming light headed as he lifted you off of the ground slightly, taking the last bit of the fight in you, you quickly swung your legs, crying out in relief whenever you felt your foot connect with his stomach, causing him to lose his grip and drop you to the floor. You didn't take any time, rushing out of the home leaving all of your belongings behind, trying to catch your breath you ran your hand gently over your neck where his hand was.
You made your way to the one place you knew from the top of your head that was close, as you tried to keep your tears back you wrapped your arms around yourself, of course your first time in their company you'd look like a mess. The thought made you stop for a moment, did you really want to show up like this? Before you could turn away and head back home, you were stopped by a soft voice "Hey! You're Y/n right? Ji and Seung's friend?" A shorter man asked, someone you recognized to be one of the boys' bandmates, Dae-Sung. "Y-Yea, I-I uh..Don't exactly know what I'm doing here" You muttered sheepishly, Dae-Sung tilted his head, taking in your state, it was 9:30 at night, and you were in shorts and an oversized t-shirt, your hair was messy and tangled, your face flushed of any color as tears stained your cheeks, followed by a bright red forming mark at the base of your neck. "Hey..Why don't you come in, Both boys are upstairs" He more of demanded, as he offered his hand gently, you just held yourself tighter, following behind him as you kept your head down.
As Dae-Sung opened their dorm room, he was quick to shake his head at his friend "Where's Ji-Yong and Top? Their friend is here" He asked, nodding as soon as Tae-Yang pointed to his room, knowing by his friend's tone, something was wrong. As you entered your friends' shared room, Dae-Sung was quick to close the door behind you, knowing you would most likely want privacy with what was going on. "Y/n?..What're you doing here? Why are you dressed like that? It's the middle of winter" Ji-Yong rambled, rushing to you before he fully realized your shaken state, he slowed down, gently putting his hands on your shoulders "Y/n..What happened?" He asked cautiously, not wanting to startle you anymore than you already seemed to be, hearing his voice again caused you to break down into tears, wrapping your arms around him tightly. Seeing your state, Seung Hyun stood from his spot on his bed, quickly making his way over "Aein, talk to us" He pleaded, Seung Hyun was panicking, not only was his normally smartass, confident, loud spoken friend completely breaking down in front of him, but you also didn't seem right. There was something about your state that just struck fear in his body as he watched Ji-Yong hold you in hug, it was the middle of winter, and yet you were dressed like it was summer time out, not to mention your usual proud and straight stance, was now slouched and huddled like you were terrified.
It took twenty minutes for your friends to calm you down, now just silently laying your head down on Seung Hyun's thigh as you tried to stay awake, now that the adrenaline was gone, you felt exhausted. Ji-Yong was sitting in front of you and Seung Hyun, moving your hair out of the way to get a better view of your neck "Was it your boyfriend?" Ji-Yong asked softly, his tone still firm as his eyes flicked to Seung Hyun's, neither of them liked Kim-Cho, anytime you had brought him out to dinner with you guys, he was always sending nasty glares and always had a very tight grip on you. You just stayed silent, choosing not to respond as you just took a deep breath and closed your eyes, finally feeling safe enough to sleep.
The four boys would leave almost an hour after you fell asleep, and wouldn't be back home until late the next day, whenever they did turn up, papers from their lawyers in hand, they noticed your still sleeping frame. You couldn't help it, after months of being afraid and always woken up to a fight, you finally felt like you were in a safe enough environment to just let yourself fall into a deep sleep. As your two best friends made their way over, Ji-Yong smiled "She's kinda cute like that, right?" He asked softly as he noticed you curled up wearing Seung Hyun's hoodie with Ji-Yong's blanket wrapped around you tightly. "Kinda? Do you need your glasses?" Seung Hyun scoffed, smacking Ji's arm gently in offense as you started to stir "Ok, Ok, She's fucking overly cute like that" He chuckled blushing brightly as his friend forced the admission out of him "See? I knew I wasn't the only one who liked her" He teased, making his way over to you, going to attempt to see if you'd wake up to eat and actually tell them what happened. They could get the gist of the situation, enough to where they'd be in trouble with their agency and lawyers for the next six months for assault against Kim-Cho. "Aein..." Seung Hyun called softly, placing his hand gently on your shoulder, you just huffed, trying to pull the blanket closer to you, Ji-Yong laughed, making his way to lay on the bed next to you. "Y/n...Dear, wake uppp" He asked, trying to cup your cheek, only for his hand to be swatted away by your sleeve that hung over your hands as you slept "Come on, Aein, wake up, we want to make sure you eat" Seung Hyun whispered softly, slowly pulling the blanket away from you, laughing as you just pulled your legs inside of the oversized sweatshirt with you, continuing to sleep as peacefully as you could with both boys bothering you.
"Y/n..I will pull you out of bed" Ji-Yong chuckled, moving to the end of the bed before grabbing onto your ankle, that was something that caused you to move quickly, trying to kick him away as you scooted up towards the pillows "You will do no such thing, sir!" You shouted, trying to blink the tiredness out of your eyes, Ji-Yong just smiled evilly "I don't know, Seung Hyun...I think she still looks pretty tired...I think she should go for a swim" He teased, reaching for your legs again as you screamed loudly, moving to your feet, using Seung Hyun as a human shield "Help meee!" You whined loudly, wrapping your arms around his waist as Ji-Yong laughed loudly standing on the other side of your shared friend. Seung Hyun held onto your arms gently as he turned you around so you were in front of him, his arms protectively around you "If you want to throw her in the pool, you better lift weights, because you'll have to throw me too" His deep voice made his chest rumble slightly against your cheek, you just held on tightly, knowing damn well Ji-Yong would and was going to throw you in the pool the first chance he got.
After you ate finally, you explained everything to the boys, sitting on the living room floor as you picked at the loose threads on the sweatpants Ji-Yong let you borrow. Whenever you were finished speaking, you were quick to shoot a glare at both boys "Try and pity me, I will kill you" You threatened, Seung Hyun and Ji-Yong just smiled sadly, upset that you had to go through any of that, but also glad to see their usual y/n back. "Stop smiling like that! It's weird!" You laughed, watching as they glanced at each other smirking as they chuckled "Is this better?" Seung Hyun asked before pulling his best fuckboy face, Ji-Yong trying his best to copy him, you just squealed stumbling onto your feet as you backed away "Nooo! Tae-Yang! Boys! Help me! They're trying to fuck me!" You cried out rushing away towards their shared room as you heard all four boys bust out in laughs, as you ran into the room, you quickly jumped onto Dae-Sung's bed, trying your best to hide behind him as the boys rushed in behind you "Y/n..You picked Dae-Sung to hide behind? Really?" Ji-Yong asked, immediately spotting you, peeking out from behind him you glared "Stop being weird, and I'll come back out" You offered, watching as they glanced at each other before nodding "We won't be weird" They agreed, something about their smirks told you otherwise though.
Fucking around with the boys for a few more hours, you were left worn out, laying sprawled out on the couch with your hood pulled over your eyes as the boys sat across from you. "Hey boys?.." You asked softly, not moving from your spot "Hmm?" Seung Hyun asked softly, Ji-Yong fast asleep next to him, half of his body hanging off of the couch so he could cross his leg over yours as he slept. "Where were you all day?.." You asked softly, getting up to move spots, sitting between the two, using Seung Hyun's side as a pillow, Ji-Yong tiredly draping his arm over your side in his sleep "Getting some things done, had a meeting with a few people" He hummed calmly, you furrowed your eyebrows, normally you'd believe him, but the fact Tae-Yang kinda snitched them all out made you adamant about getting the truth from Seung Hyun and Ji-Yong themselves. "So..you were never at my house?..getting in trouble?" You asked, watching as he tensed, slowly turning to look at you "Are you mad?.." He asked first, not wanting to admit anything before knowing how you felt first, he learned that from watching Ji-Yong do it too many times over. "No..A little..but not really" You replied after a moment, blushing brightly as you felt Ji-Yong's hand slowly move the front of your hips as he slept. "Was he always this cuddly?" You asked, looking down at your friend's arms, questioning if he ever cuddled you like this during your countless sleepovers as kids. "He likes you" Seung Hyun mumbled "We both do, it's why we felt obligated to show your ex boyfriend how to properly treat women" He explained softly, emphasizing the ex before boyfriend as he looked at you, as he closed his book you only now noticed his slightly bruising knuckles on his right hand.
"You do?.." You mumbled furrowing your eyebrows as you looked between the two as Ji-Yong nodded tiredly now suddenly aware of the conversation. "How can you both?.." You asked tilting your head, not really catching on, causing Seung Hyun to smile "You're adorable, Aein..." He whispered, pressing his lips to your forehead. You spent the night talking about the situation, and slowly with explanation, you understood what both boys were saying "This is really some famous person, shit" You laughed jokingly watching both boys roll their eyes "So?.." Ji-Yong asked nervously, pulling his small silk scarf over his hands and through his fingers as he waited. You sighed looking at them both, offering them a sympathetic smile with sad eyes, you felt bad, but this was funny "I guess, as long I'm the only girl" You stated, looking between the both of them "I like the idea of saying I have two boyfriends" You smirked nodding a bit causing Seung Hyun to laugh loudly, Ji-Yong covering his face as he blushed brightly, not knowing how flustered it'd make him hearing you call him your boyfriend.
--
I couldn't decide on who, so I did both, again, this was a fic with a lot darker topics than I usually write about, so please take care of yourselves, lovelies, and please reach out if anything similar is going on to you or somebody you know..
--
Taglist
@onyxmango
@ag02212023
@acehasmyheart
@mitchko11
@learninglinesintherainn
@seunghyunwifey
@alexandralibbre
@jajabro
@heartsforseo
@lilou-0401
@maenoakasuna
@ericityyy
@alexandralibbre
@jajabro
@heartsforseo
@frangiipanii
@seunghyunwifey
@sturnioloslut-b
@isssaaaa2111
@goodnight-n-go-home
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erenstitanweave · 4 months ago
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❥HOW WE LOVE III
pairing: various x reader (vi, caitlyn, vander)
rating: giving/receiving love language headcanons
a/n: so, this is officially a new series! please keep in mind this will be my first time writing for all upcoming characters, respectful criticism and advice on how to write them is welcome! SPOILER ALERT!! reblogs and comments are appreciated, hope you enjoy!!
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VI
giving:
poor vi, her eldest daughter syndrome bleeds through every aspect of her life (relatable but we move on)
all jokes (are we joking though??) aside, i think vi would be hesitant to love quickly or even love at all
vi isn't someone who shows her love through words though, so i feel like if she really began to care and love you, she would show it though her actions
i feel like her main type of acts of service would be protecting you in some manner, whether it be verbally or physically
she's genuinely afraid of losing you, so the protective nature would be slightly overbearing in cases where she's on the edge, but other than that, it's pretty standard.
quality time is another big one for her, not just because it's also a way for her to trust you, but because she'd quite literally just want to get to know you better
i could see this being the case whether or not you live the same type of life (i.e: being a zaunite or not)
i feel like she's seen enough to know that regardless of what side you're on, experiences vary for everyone, and she'd just want to know yours and through that, open up to you
small side tangent, but she's TOUCHY.
once she's attached to you, so are her hands. they quite literally are always on you in some way, whether that be through subtle touches (i.e: letting her hand graze against your side when she walks past you, her hands lingering too long as she's holding you, etc.) or through much more obvious ones like an arm wrapped around your waist
receiving:
although she is a protecter by nature, this causes her to be very wary of people and not very trusting of just anyone
i feel like she wouldn't just prefer acts of service but she would need it in order for her to begin to trust you
acts of service, subconsciously or not, are vital to slowly letting down her walls and letting her become trust worthy of you, but once they're down, it's game over
we see in the show how she is once she trusts someone, she shakes off the shell she shows the world and just becomes herself.
i feel like she'd love someone who can't keep their hands off her (except in the obvious situations)
even lingering gazes would make this girl WEAK and she knows it, so just imagine what having your hands all over her does to her brain (short answer: she short circuits)
much like vander, i think a part of her craves words of affirmation because of how her past mistakes constantly haunt and consume her being
even though a part of her knows it isn't her fault things turned out the way it did, a part of her mind won't allow her to believe it
even if she never might truly believe or accept this fact, hearing you tell her good things about herself and praise her makes her head spin with this feeling she can't explain, but all she knows is that it's one she'd never let go
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VANDER
giving:
vander to me is probably one of the more protective characters in the show and i think his love languages in terms of giving reflect that heavily
i personally think he'd adore quality time the most, being the man he is, he doesn't really get much time to himself outside of his kids and dealing with the Lanes
it doesn't really matter what kind of quality time to him either imo, i think he'd be most comfortable with just being in your presence, even if you two aren't saying anything
one of his favorites moments though, is seeing you with his kids
he adores seeing you with them, the sight warming his heart knowing the family he works so hard to keep together is happy
words of affirmation i can see being another huge one for him, he'd definitely let you know that you're doing good in whatever you may be doing or even just making it through each day
he'd often pull you aside to let you know though, wanting his words to only be for you and not the prying eyes of others (or the kids potentially listening in on you both)
i could see vander being into physical touch, but only very slightly if it's in public
if you were behind the bar with him, he'd ever so slightly graze the small of your back with his palm or subtly grab onto your waist as he cleaned off the bar
he's an asshole though (lovingly, of course) and would do this especially if you were talking to someone just to get a laugh out of it
he'd be extra careful with this though, as he knows that he constantly has eyes on him, ones that could be dangerous to you if he overdoes his affections
receiving:
i could see vander loving words of affirmation in return, he definitely needs to hear that he's doing a good job taking care of his kids (especially when he feels like they fuck up because of him)
i also can see him holding a lot of doubts about past decisions in all aspects, so just hearing you tell him that he's doing good and that everything will be alright grounds him more than anything
even just telling him that he's a good father, even with his faults and past mistakes will make him feel so much better, no doubt making him fall for you even more than he thought possible
he's the biggest sucker for physical touch too, especially really subtle ones just for the two of you
don't get him wrong, he loves big gestures of physical affection, but he's not alone with you often, making the subtle ones happen a lot more often
he definitely loves holding hands and interlocking fingers especially, the latter being the one you two do more often when around most people
but when the last drop is closed to outsiders and is usually just benzo, the kids, and yourselves, he's all over you
he'll mostly have you in his lap if you're not off with the kids, or just hugging you from behind
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CAITLYN
giving:
this girl is a bit of a tough one for me i won't even lie, but she's very well meaning in most aspects
i feel like she'd be into quality time and gift giving honestly
hear me out though, living in piltover her whole life and only recently seeing for herself how the world is and how things can change in an instant makes me think she'd gravitate towards spending time with you in one way or another
it doesn't even have to be explicitly spending time together either, just the fact that you'd be near her would be enough, especially if you're close enough to where she could protect you if need be
her protective nature is one reason why time with you is so sacred to her, not only that she'd be able to cherish her time with you, but that she'd truly be able to appreciate life in it's entirety
the gift giving aspect simply stems from her being wealthy (well not really)
i just see her as someone who expresses herself and what she wants to say with actions, and those actions are gifts
doesn't matter what you like honestly, she'd get it somehow. luxurious clothes? boom, right there on your shared bed. foods or sweets? she somehow has the entire stock right in front of you with a small smile on her face
both of these, to me, just stem from her innate desire to make you happy
she wants to give her lover the world, and with all she's seen in such a short amount of time after being spoonfed certain things about the world, she wants to make sure you're happy with her for as long as you both live
receiving:
receiving is a slight improvement but honestly she screams physical touch and words of affirmation yearner
think about it, being as skilled as she is, she's probably gotten praise about it from everyone
from you, though? it's way different in her mind, especially if you actually talk about why you give her the praises you do
she's expected the praise by now, but to her, it'd feel different because with you, it didn't feel..obligatory or forced
it wouldn't feel like the stuffy, fake pleasantries she'd be used to being in such a high place of power all her life, but something much more sincere and loving
she'd crave it, even going so far as to push herself beyond her limits just to hear you praise and support her for doing so
physical touch to me is another big one for her, i could see touching being a huge factor for her simply because of the intimacy
she most likely has never had anyone as close to her as her lover, so the sheer intimacy with even the slightest of touches knowing that she will only allow this from you is mindblowing for her in the best ways possible
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koryvaio · 5 months ago
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:*¨༺ 「 ✦ 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍 ✦ 」 ༻¨*:
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WARNINGS: +18!, minors dni!, angst, smut, swear words, oral (f receiving), p in v, light chocking, overstimulation, exhibition?
summary: You and Buck have some unfinished business from a few years ago that keeps getting between you and doing your job.
pairing: Evan 'Buck' Buckley × Reader!Female
feedback is highly appreciated! (my first ever fanfic, so don't be too harsh😭)
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It has been about 3 months since you've joined the 118. You were there as a replacement for the famous Eddie Diaz who left the firehouse due to some family problems— from what people told you, because you were not familiar with this man; you've never seen him, but he sure was everywhere around that station.
You got along with pretty much everyone. Bobby, Hen and Chimney were great guys, and you enjoyed your shifts with them. And then, there was Evan, or Buck as his colleagues call him now.
You and Buck met a few years ago in a club. You were drunk. He was drunk. One thing led to another, and you two had a pretty good time with one another. You messed around for a while with no strings attached, but when he asked you to make it official? You got cold feet and decided to call it off .....by ghosting him.
Back then, he wasn't a firefighter yet, and you were in your second year of uni, and obviously, you didn't keep in touch after your fallout. Seeing each other in the station on your first day was something to be remembered. The colour from your faces drained, and you were both as white as a sheet.
"Are you— are you guys ok?" Hen asked. "Perhaps you know each other?" She was quick to notice your reactions and puzzled things together. But you were not about to be defined as Evan's former side piece.
"No!" You reply swiftly, giving Evan no time to react. "He looked a bit familiar, but I don't think we've met. Y/N." You extend your hand to shake on your 'new' acquaintance.
Given how you've behaved, at first, you didn't really blame Buck for giving you the cold shoulder. What you did blame him for was his lack of professionalism on the job.
You had a pretty nasty call today, and he was behaving like a total brat. He wouldn't help you unless Bobby would demand it, and he wouldn't let you help him if Bobby wouldn't tell him to. Because of this, you almost lost 3 people.
When you got back to the station, Bobby was fuming, and he had every right. "Buck, Y/N! After you get changed, I want you in my office!"
"You guys had it coming." Chimney says as he slams the ambulance's door shut.
You sigh and go change, mentally preparing for what was to come. It wasn't your fault Buck was such a big baby, and he couldn't separate his private life from work.
"Shut the door and take a seat." Bobby tells you after you enter his office. Buck was already seated, and he seemed tense.
"I know better than to pair you two, but sometimes I can't spare a firefighter just because you guys don't get along." Bobby pauses. "This is not a highschool, this is a firestation. My firestation. Your job. When that alarm goes off, I expect every single one of you to act like one person. To save people, because that's what you're here to do!" he raised his voice a bit, visibly annoyed. "We almost lost 3 people minutes ago because you two can't even talk to eachother?! I will not have that. I don't care what you have going on, but when we're on a call, we are a team. We communicate and we help eachother and we let the others help us." He glared at you. Both you and Buck were ashamed and looked at the ground. "If this happens again, you have my word, I will either have you transferred or fired."
"Cap—" Buck tries to say something, but Bobby cuts him off. "Both of you! I don't care whose fault it is. And don't try to explain anything, Buck. I was there and I saw everything with my own eyes. You can go." He waves his hand at the door.
As soon as you close the door, Buck pulls you aside. "All this shit, everything is on you!"
You push him off of you and reply, somewhat surprised by his outburst. "Unlike you, I can separate my personal life from my work life. I was trying to help you, and I always tried to be cordial with you."
"Fuck off!" He spits out, angrily running a hand through his hair. "I can work just fine with anyone, but you. I don't think I am the problem!"
"News flash, so can I! Stop bitching and own it! You fucked up!" All the shame and guilt you felt just moments ago washed away, getting replaced by rage. The audacity this man had.
"I can't trust you! How can I let you help me if I can't trust you? You're not trustworthy, you proved that a long time ago!" There it was, you thought to yourself. His head was so far up his own ass.
"Oh my god, your fragile masculinity almost got three people killed, Evan! And you don't seem to care about it! Do you comprehend that? I'm genuinely asking."
"My fragile masculinity?" He scoffs.
"Yes! We weren't even a thing, and it was yeaaaars ago! Years!"
He steps closer. "Because you didn't even give us a chance. You took off like a...." He pauses, unsure of how to continue, so he stops.
"Like a what? Have you ever stopped and wondered if maybe I just didn't want you? Unlike what you may think about yourself, you're not all that!" You were lying through your teeth. But he couldn't have known that, right?
He rolls his eyes, clearly not believing you.
You step closer, looking for his gaze. "And even so, this does not make up for all the stupid shit you've done these past three months." You poke his chest with your finger. "You caused more problems than you've solved, and you almost lost everyone we saved! I get it that you have it against me, but think about those people who look up to us to save them."
He is taken aback at first but replies swiftly. "You are not a saviour." He lowers his head, towering over you. Your breath catches in your throat. "And stop trying to bullshit me about not wanting me. Your body betrays you. Everytime."
"I— my body, what? You're insane." You try to deny it.
He grins, closing the space between you, pinning you against the firetruck. His eyes were full of mischief. You knew that look— he was up to no good. You hated the situation you just found yourself in. You were so attracted to him, and you didn't want to let it show, but just like he said, your body was betraying you.
You both remain silent. Your bodies were talking to one another in their own language, known only by them. Your chest starts rising rapidly. He picked up on that, and reaching behind you, he opened the door of the firetruck. You understood what he meant, and you were down for it.
You both climb in the truck, with one thought on your minds: eachother. As soon as the door is closed, Buck launches an attack on your lips, kissing and biting your lower lip, making you moan a little too loud. He stops, placing a finger on your mouth. "You have to be silent. Not quiet, silent." He insists. "The truck may be locked, but they can still hear."
You nod, aware that they could hear you two. As of now, mostly you, but you couldn't really content those sounds at the moment, but you had to try. He takes his hand off and grips your left tigh, laying you down on the seats, reassaulting your lips. His hands roam freely on your body from your tigh to your neck, squeezing softly. His lips start tracing kisses from your mouth down to your neck, nibbling. You turn your head on the side to make more room for him while you undo the buttons of your shirt to give him access to the rest of your body. He takes the hint and starts lowering his kisses. His tigh was in between your legs, and you started griding, desperate for some friction.
He smiles, amused by your action. "You were saying—" he starts saying before you cut him off. "That mouth has better things to do right now than talk." He smirks, gripping your breasts without any kind of warning, pinching and squeezing through the thin material of your bra. You muffle your moans by putting a hand over your mouth. His smirk gets even wider if that is even possible. You would've loved to wipe that smirk off of his face, but you were enjoying the moment too much to take any action.
Your hand slips under his shirt, urging him to take it off, and he compiles. His biceps looked so good while he was stretching that a moan almost rolled off your lips. He gets back down to you and starts placing wet, sloppy kisses on your stomach. His hands quickly undo your belt. "Lift up, baby." And you do. He takes off your trousers and underwear, leaving you exposed in front of him.
"You're so ready for me. Beautiful. " He muffles to himself. He grabs onto your legs and puts them on his shoulders as he gets down to his knees in front of you. He sloppily kisses the inside of your tigh, biting, making sure to leave marks. His nose gets close to your core, gently brushing against it before his tongue steals the spotlight. Your back starts arching and a bit annoyed by his cat-licking, you push yourself onto his face. He starts laughing, but he takes his job seriously afterwards. Two of his fingers start thrusting in and out of you as his mouth continues its licking and sucking. Your hand pulls on his hair, which makes him grunt against your folds; your body reacts almost immediately, sucking his fingers in and squeezing around them. He knew you were close.
"For me, baby." He says while he intensifies his fingers' speed. You whine, telling him to keep going faster. He complies once again. His thumb starts flipping your bean, which sent you over the edge. Your chest was rising rapidly. He only got better with time.
His hands quickly undo his belt, and he lets his trousers fall down, exposing his raging boner. He wasn't done with you yet. He slips inside you without notice, making a loud slap sound. You fail to muffle the moan that came along with his action. "We had a deal." He grins. He wanted to hear you. You open your mouth to say something, but just then, he grips onto your hips and starts thrusting swiftly in and out of you.
Your mind fails to cling onto whatever you had to say to him, only being able to enjoy the moment. He notices and grins again, proud of himself. He nudges you to roll over. Once you do that, his arm loops around you, grabbing your breasts, squeezing and pinching your nips, pinning your back against his chest. He starts kissing your neck while the other hand finds its way down to your core again, caressing it.
You are so overstimulated that you can feel your second orgasm coming. Your hand is on the back of his head, pulling him even closer to you. The way your walls start squeezing around him and how his name keeps rolling off of your lips almost send Buck over the edge.
"Together, baby. Jesus, you feel so good."He grunts. You can't help but whine because of how overstimulated you were. That was it for you. His grunts against your skin, along with everything else, made you reach the climax. Your shaky body did it for Buck. He was whispering in your ear with a low guttural voice, which alone could make you come again.
You both fall onto the seat of the truck, worn out. "I despise you so much." He says, catching his breath and gathering both of your clothes.
"You can show me later again how much you despise me." You say trying to stop your legs from shaking while grabbing your clothes from Buck.
He grins as he puts his shirt back on. His muscles stretch out so beautifully that it almost makes you want to jump him again.
You do the last button of your shirt as the alarm goes off.
The crew starts gathering, and Chimney is the first to enter the truck. "What were you two doing—. Ew! Nevermind!" He acts grossed out, and you feel your cheeks getting red knowing that Chim will tell Hen and Bobby first thing.
"We... had a talk about some unsolved business." Buck grins.
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ddejavvu · 2 years ago
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omg part two for hotch scrolling through your ig pretty please 😭😭 like IMAGINE penelope gathering the rest of the gang so they can collectively stalk your instagram and she accidentally likes one of your pictures while lurking
Penelope isn't often scared of Hotch, because the man has a soft spot for her, and she knows it. But now he's staring at her with a stern glare, something she's not usually on the receiving end of. She shifts on her heels, strangely speechless.
"Sir? Is everything okay?"
He lets her suffer in silence for a moment longer, then gestures towards his phone face-up on the desk. It's lit up with a text notification, and she faintly recognizes the name that it's attached to.
Y/N Y/L/N: Isn't this your computer whiz?
"Open it." Hotch instructs, his voice unfailingly calm, which sets Penelope even further on edge. She reaches out with a trembling finger to tap on the notification and it opens your thread, the screen entirely consumed with a screenshot you'd taken of your instagram. Sure enough, in your notifications page is a note: baby_girl_penny_g liked your photo.
"Um," Penelope stalls, and despite her rampant creativity, she can't bring herself to fib, "Well, I- the tags were-"
"There were no hashtags," Hotch stops her in her tracks, "The only way you could have found that photo was on her profile. How long ago was that posted?"
Penelope scrolls to the bottom of the post even though she doesn't want to, and mutters "2018."
"Five years ago. Five-" Hotch steels himself before he gets too upset, pinching the slim bridge of his nose, "Garcia, did Morgan tell you about this?"
"it wasn't his fault," She pleads his case, "I could tell there was something on his mind! So I got him, like, super drunk, and we-"
"Penelope, this was none of your business." Hotch speaks over her. He doesn't like cutting her off, but he knows her, and she'll talk for hours just to try and weasel her way back into his good graces. He watches her squirm with a stern expression, hands folded on his desk while he clenches his jaw.
"I won't tell anyone else." She promises weakly, and Aaron raises a single eyebrow at her. Secret-keeping is not her forte, and they both know it.
"Okay, so-" She crumples, "I- I totally will. But Hotch, we're gonna be happy for you! I'm already happy for you, you deserve this! You deserve love, even if you try to use this job as an excuse not to find it! You found it, and you should own it."
"I purposefully did not share the status of my relationship with our team. It was meant to be private."
Penelope regains some of her boldness now, even in the face of Hotch's scowl, "Well tough shit, Hotchner! We love you, and we were all there when you lost Haley! We watched you die inside, and we deserve to watch you live again! We are part of your family, Hotch, whether you like it or not, and we're not gonna walk away just because you get snippy with us! So help me, Hotch, I will handcuff myself to you until you realize that we are here. We are here, and we love you, and we always will! You can tell us about your life, because we want to enjoy it with you."
Perhaps she shouldn't have been so forward. Perhaps she shouldn't have said the H-word, or brought up Hotch's infuriating tendency to distrust people's care for him not out of malice, but out of self-loathing. Perhaps she should have hung her head and apologized, but Penelope Garcia is headstrong, and she does not fear the tense wrath of Aaron Hotchner simply for loving him.
For a moment, she worries that she's flaunted a red cape around a bull. Reid's words echo in her mind about how it's nothing to do with the color red, and everything to do with the movement of the fabric, but now is not the time, Doctor Reid, thank you very much. She waits for him to charge, knows he'll withdraw now that she's faced him with the terror of being known, of being cared for, and she can feel her heart sink to the nearly-numb heels of her feet.
Then something in his jaw shifts, and he glances away from her, blinking.
"Thank you." He murmurs, and she thinks she may have heard him wrong.
"What?" She whispers, and he gnaws at the inside of his cheek, caving it in.
"Thank you. For being firm with me." He clarifies, "I... I'm glad that you're here."
Tears spring to her eyes and she nods vigorously, incapable of speech but overflowing with emotion. He swallows, clearing his throat, "In the future, please do not stalk my romantic partners. And... in the future, I will introduce you, so that you don't need to stalk them."
"Okay," She grins through her misty eyes, letting him steer the conversation back towards his comfort zone, "Okay, Hotch. We love you. And- and we're really happy for you, and can I please go and tell the others?"
He laughs despite himself, and doesn't bother steeling himself into composure anymore. He grins, "Fine. But leave out the details of her most recent posts, please."
"The ones where she talks about being sore in the mornings?" She fixes him with a devious grin, already making for the door intent on shouting the news from the rooftops, "I won't say it in the bullpen, 'cause Reid couldn't handle it, but I'm totally gossiping with the girls about it, Hotch."
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creatur3featur3 · 4 months ago
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Street Rat p2
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word count: 3.6k (WOO ON A ROLL LOVES!!)
A/N: DEFINITELY out of my writers block! only took about, 3 hours? usually takes me like a full day when i'm unmotivated but here we are!
----Enjoy Loves----
Okay so maybe you were following Sevika around for weeks on end now, but it wasn't exactly your fault- it was hers.
All that being nice and giving you food, or just being human and providing for someone who obviously couldn't take care of herself properly. She had been dying to get you off her tail with you following her like a stray dog constantly, you were ruining her reputation with your weird attachment to her. 
The regulars she played cards with gave you weird glances but she always seemed to scare them off from bothering you when you were digging around in people's dumped junk with a stern gaze. You definitely seemed to live up to your name of a street rat with your constant wandering off to find someone that shined under the dim lights of the Undercity’s lamp posts, she had even gotten you a small bag as well which had honestly surprised you.
You scoffed when she threw it to you, “Are you serious? I don't need this shit.” you spat sharply, god she wished she could rip that  sharp tongue out of yours out of your mouth. She set down her cup, whatever liquid she was drinking sloushing out.
“You think I don't see you storing your little trinkets out in dumped boxes? You're pathetic, the amount of times I've seen people swipe from your little stashes is ridiculous.” Your brow furrows at her words, you're not pathetic, you're smart, hell- brilliant even! “WELL, Miss.im so smart, i'll have you know I have many stashes around the city,”
“and how many of them stay full?”
you pause.
“...like.. three maybe…” you admit with a pout, “Then take the bag” she says sternly.
You grumble as you snatch the bag off the table, examining it with cold eyes but muttering a quiet “thank you” under your breath- then you're gone.
You choose not to stick around her during the day, too many eyes, you stay on the outskirts of the city- just like today. 
you squirm up the broken fire escape, trying your best to host yourself up with- little success. You hate to admit that Sevika’s ‘gift’ was actually pretty helpful, much more storage for cogs and other useful stuff- only downside is that you put way too much stuff in it.
“come on!-" You hiss under your breath as you hang onto the railing, trying to throw the bag up onto the floor of the fire escape so you can get yourself up. Such you were fit, your worked out a good amount, but.. your weren't exactly sure what to really work out.
The bag thudded onto the rusty fire escape with a loud clang, the sound echoing down the alleyway below. You winced, glancing over your shoulder to make sure no one had heard. The last thing you needed was some nosy thug poking around while you were mid-scramble.  
"Stupid bag," you muttered, wiping sweat off your brow. The thing had been helpful, sure, but damn if it wasn’t heavier than you thought it would be with all the “essentials” you’d crammed into it.  
With a deep breath, you grabbed the edge of the fire escape again, gritting your teeth as you hoisted yourself up. Your muscles strained against the weight of your own body, your arms trembling as you kicked your legs to get some momentum. “Okay... almost there...”  
Finally, with a groan, you managed to drag yourself up, collapsing onto the cold metal floor with a loud huff. You rolled onto your back, staring up at the dim, flickering lights of the Undercity’s skyline, panting like you’d just run a marathon.  
“Maybe I should’ve worked out more…” you mumbled, glaring at the bag now sitting innocently beside you.  
The memory of Sevika tossing it to you came to mind, her cold, stern gaze practically daring you to argue with her. She hadn’t been wrong about your stashes getting raided—half of them were basically public property at this point—but still, you’d never admit she had a point. That’d be giving her too much satisfaction.  
As much as you hated to admit it, the bag was starting to feel like a lifeline. Not just because it kept your things safe, but because... well, it was from her.  
You sighed, sitting up and brushing your hands off on your pants. “Whatever,” you muttered to yourself, swinging the bag over your shoulder again. “It’s just a stupid bag. Doesn’t mean anything.”  
As you climb further up the ladders you find yourself at what you call, home. The climb had left your muscles burning, but as you finally pulled yourself up to the top platform, a sense of relief washed over you. This was your little corner of the world, tucked high above the chaos of the Undercity, where few dared to tread.
"Home sweet home," you muttered, glancing at the haphazard setup before you.
The patchwork of old carpets and threadbare blankets was hardly luxurious, and the wooden crates stacked into a leaning structure could barely be called stable. Still, it had its charm—if only because it was yours. 
You ducked under the slanted “roof” of your makeshift tent, the faint smell of oil and dust filling your nose as you tossed the bag onto the ground with a loud thud. Sliding down onto the pile of blankets you called a bed, you let out a long, drawn-out exhale, the tension in your shoulders finally releasing.  
After a few moments, you sat up, rolling your sleeves as you reached for the bag. “Alright, let’s see what we’ve got this time,” you murmured to yourself, the habit of talking aloud in your solitude one you never quite managed to break.  
One by one, you started pulling items from the bag: cogs, rusted bolts, wires tangled like a bird’s nest, a couple of scraps of metal that might be useful if you ever found a decent buyer. You laid them out in neat rows, sorting them with a critical eye.  
“Junk, maybe useful, definitely junk, hmm… potential,” you muttered, setting aside a few pieces you deemed worth keeping.  
Every so often, you paused to examine an item more closely, holding it up to the dim light filtering through the cracks of your tent. A faint smile tugged at your lips as you found a small, intact gear with its teeth still sharp. “Hah, not bad,” you said to no one, setting it aside with a sense of triumph.  
This was your ritual, your little piece of order in an otherwise chaotic world. Sorting through the refuse of the Undercity, finding bits and pieces that others had discarded without a second thought—it wasn’t glamorous, but it was yours. 
Your contented sorting came to an abrupt halt as the distant noise filtered up through the layers of steel and grime below. First, it was the sharp crack of something breaking—glass, maybe, or a chair being hurled against a wall. Then came the muffled yelling, too distorted by the distance to make out the words.  
You froze, your fingers hovering over a twisted wire. It wasn’t unusual to hear fights in the Undercity; hell, it was practically the soundtrack of the place. But this time was different.  
This time, you recognized the low, gravelly tone of one of the voices. Sevika.  
Your stomach twisted as you strained to listen, hoping you’d misheard. But there it was again—her voice, cutting through the chaos with a sharp bark of anger.  
“Shit,” you muttered under your breath, scrambling to your feet. For a moment, you hesitated, torn between staying put in the safety of your little hideout and the nagging pull of curiosity—and maybe worry—that pushed you toward the ladder.  
Another crash, louder this time, made the decision for you. You grabbed the strap of your bag, slinging it over your shoulder as you moved toward the edge of the platform. Your heart pounded as you carefully climbed down, your usual annoyance at the shaky fire escape forgotten in your rush.  
By the time you reached the lower levels, the noise had grown louder, more distinct. You crept closer, ducking behind a stack of crates as you peered around the corner.  
There she was, Sevika, in the middle of a small brawl. Three guys, maybe more, circled her like vultures, but she looked as unfazed as ever, her mechanical arm gleaming under the dim light as she sent one of them flying with a single swing.  
Your first instinct was to turn back, let her handle it. She was Sevika, after all; she didn’t need help. But as another thug lunged at her with a broken pipe, something in you snapped.  
“Damn it,” you hissed, gripping the edge of the crate as you tried to come up with a plan. Or maybe you’d just jump in and wing it. Either way, you weren’t about to leave her hanging.
Though your- stupidity gets the best of you as you reach for a broken glass of whatever and throw it at one of the men, hitting his head
The moment the glass shattered against the man’s head, you felt a rush of pride. Bullseye. But that fleeting sense of accomplishment was quickly replaced with a cold, sinking feeling as the three men turned toward you, their expressions darkening like storm clouds.  
He wiped a hand over his face, now dripping with blood from a jagged cut the glass had left, his glare locking onto you like a predator sizing up its prey. “You’ve got a death wish, kid,” he growled, taking a menacing step forward.  
“Oh, crap,” you muttered, your bravado evaporating in an instant.  
Without another thought, you turned on your heel and bolted, your heart pounding in your ears as your boots slapped against the slick pavement. Behind you, the sound of shouts and heavy footsteps echoed as the men gave chase.  
“Stupid stupid stupid!!” you hissed to yourself, dodging around a stack of broken crates. This wasn’t exactly the first time your mouth—or in this case, your impulse to throw things—had gotten you into trouble, but this? This was a new level of stupid.  
You ducked into a narrow alley, squeezing through the gap between two rusted pipes as the men shouted behind you. Your pulse was racing, adrenaline coursing through your veins as you scanned the area for an escape route.  
Up ahead, you spotted a ladder leading to one of the upper platforms, the kind you’d climbed a hundred times before. “Come on, come on,” you whispered, practically leaping toward it.  
As you grabbed the rungs and started to climb, one of the men reached the base of the ladder, cursing loudly. He jumped, his fingers grazing your ankle, but you kicked out with a frantic yell, forcing him to let go.  
“Keep running, street rat!” one of them yelled.  
“Oh, I plan to!” you shouted back, your voice dripping with sarcasm despite the panic clawing at your chest.  
You scrambled onto the platform above, your legs burning and your breath coming in ragged gasps. From this vantage point, you could see Sevika below, taking advantage of your little distraction you created. For a split second, you thought about doubling back to help her, but another shout from below reminded you of your own predicament.  
"She better appreciate this," you muttered bitterly as you darted off into the shadows, praying you could lose your pursuers before they decided to make good on their threats. 
“What the fuck were you thinking?!” Sevika snarled as you sat next to her at the little market you had come to know for your routine feeding, “those guys could've and would've killed you!” She hissed.
“I was helping!” you grumble, “Helping doesn't mean almost getting yourself killed!” Sevika shot right back.
“You should've been able to take those guys easily, they were so much smaller than you!”
“I had it.”
“Didn't seem like it Toolbox.”
“Stop calling me that,”
“Toolbox.”
“Street Rat.”
“Mines cooler anyways.” you hum, Sevika scoffs with a shake of her head, “You fucking wish.”
“Well,” you start, shoving the fruit you had stuffed in your bag into your mouth, biting into it sharply, the juices running down your chin- “I deserve a thank you.”
“You are not getting a thank you for making me worry,” Sevika spat, “awww, so you do care!” you hum sarcastically, “oh, my heart might just explode with joy!”
Sevika rolled her eyes so hard you were surprised they didn’t pop out of her skull. “Don’t flatter yourself Rat. I care because you’re a liability. If you go and get yourself killed, that’s just one more mess I have to deal with.”  
You snorted, chewing noisily on your fruit. “Sure, sure. Keep telling yourself that, Sevvy.”  
Her glare could have melted steel. “Call me that again and see what happens.”  
“Sevvy.” You said it sweetly, almost a purr, batting your lashes for extra effect.  
The mechanical fingers of her arm clenched with a faint hiss, and you couldn’t help but grin, even as she loomed closer, her presence casting a shadow over you. “You’ve got guts, I’ll give you that,” she growled, voice low and dangerous.  
“And brains,” you added smugly, leaning back as if her looming didn’t faze you. “I mean, I did save your ass, remember?”  
She scoffed, crossing her arms. “If by ‘save’ you mean ‘made my life infinitely harder,’ then yeah. Thanks for that.”  
You bit into your fruit again, savoring its sweetness as you shrugged. “Same difference. You’d miss me if I wasn’t around.”  
“I’d sleep better, that’s for sure.”  
“Awww, Sev, you’re so sweet,” you teased, wiping juice off your chin with your sleeve. “No wonder people love you so much.”  
Her lips twitched, like she was fighting back a smirk. “You’re lucky you’re useful sometimes, Street Rat. Otherwise, I’d have tossed you into the gutter by now.”  
“Yeah, yeah,” you said, grinning despite her insult. “Admit it, Sevika. You like having me around.”  
She shook her head, muttering something under her breath as she turned her attention back to her drink. You took that as a win, leaning back against the table with a satisfied smirk.
“So,” You hum as you throw the finished fruit onto the street, “Where we going now?”
Sevika stood up, pushing in her chair and throwing her cloak over her mechanical arm “I'm, going home.”
You frowned, tilting your head like a confused pup. “Home? What about me?”  
Sevika glanced over her shoulder, her expression flat. “What about you?”  
You scoffed, standing up and brushing the crumbs off your clothes. “I thought we were a team now.”  
She barked a laugh, the kind that was more mocking than amused. “Team? Don’t flatter yourself, Toolbox. You’re just a stray I can’t seem to shake off.”  
You put your hands on your hips, leaning forward as you shot her a challenging glare. “Stray or not, you’d be bored without me, and you know it.”  
“Bored?” she repeated, raising an eyebrow as she adjusted her cloak. “More like finally at peace.”  
“Sure, Sev, keep telling yourself that,” you quipped, falling into step beside her despite her best efforts to stride ahead.  
She stopped abruptly, turning to face you with a sharp glare. “What do you want, huh? A place to crash? A warm meal? Or do you just like annoying me?”  
You grinned, not missing a beat. “Little bit of all three, honestly.”  
She exhaled sharply, clearly trying to rein in her irritation. “You’re impossible.”  
“And yet, here we are,” you said with a cheeky shrug.  
For a moment, Sevika just stared at you, her jaw tightening as if she were debating whether to knock you out or just walk away. Finally, she shook her head, muttering something about bad decisions as she turned back toward the street.  
“Fine,” she said gruffly, not bothering to look back at you. “Follow me. But don’t think for a second this means I like you.”  
Your grin widened as you fell into step behind her. “Of course not, Sevvy. This is purely professional.”  
“Call me that again, and you’re sleeping in the gutter.”  
“Love you too,” you teased, earning a sharp growl from her as the two of you disappeared into the crowded streets of the Undercity.
God she hated you.
As you follow her not too far behind she doesn't look back- until she hears a loud CLUNK.
She looked back to see you diving into a dumpster, your legs propelling yourself further into it.
Sevika stopped dead in her tracks, her mechanical arm twitching slightly as she turned to stare at you, her expression an unreadable mix of irritation and disbelief.  
“What the hell are you doing now?” she called out, her voice carrying that sharp edge of exasperation she reserved just for you.  
Your legs flailed for a moment, kicking at the air as you wormed your way further into the dumpster. “I saw something shiny!” you shouted back, your voice muffled by the metal container.  
Sevika pinched the bridge of her nose, muttering under her breath. “Shiny? Are you a crow now?”  
“Shut up, it might be important!” you countered, your voice ringing with mock indignation.  
The dumpster rattled as you rummaged around, the sound grating on Sevika’s nerves. She glanced around, noting the amused—or horrified—looks from a few passersby. She sighed deeply, her patience wearing thin.  
“You know,” she said, her tone flat as she leaned against a nearby wall, arms crossed, “there’s a fine line between being resourceful and being a complete idiot. Guess which side you’re on.”  
You didn’t respond immediately, too engrossed in whatever treasure you were hunting. A moment later, you popped your head out of the dumpster, holding up a slightly dented but intact pocket watch. “See? Totally worth it!” you declared, grinning triumphantly.  
Sevika raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “A broken watch?”  
“It’s vintage!” you argued, shaking the watch for emphasis.  
“Yeah, sure. Vintage trash,” she shot back, turning on her heel. “Let’s go, before someone mistakes you for actual garbage.”  
You hopped out of the dumpster, brushing off your clothes as you jogged to catch up with her. “You’re just mad you didn’t see it first,” you teased, tucking the watch into your bag.  
She didn’t respond, but you swore you saw her roll her eyes as she picked up her pace, trying her best to ignore you.
But your voice was grating, the way you chatted away about god knows what, trying to take apart the watch as you walked, proving to Sevika by the brand name on the inside of the watch that it was definitely worth something.
“See? I told you, I know what's useless or, worthy!” You hum happily.
you were definitely a lot different from when Sevika first saw you, when you were a lot more sharp and,I guess hateful. Now here you are, talking her ear off about some history behind the watch.
Cute.
Sevika shook her head firmly, no, absolutely not, you were not cute or anything like that, you were a dingy kid from the streets, probably not even 26, you had your whole life ahead of you.
Sevika’s gaze flickered over to you as you babbled on about the intricate history behind the watch, your hands working quickly to twist and turn its parts, barely looking up as you walked beside her.  
“Mm-hmm, sure, sure,” she muttered, her focus on the path ahead, though her mind was starting to wander despite herself. You were relentless, a flurry of words and energy that kept bouncing from one topic to the next, your excitement practically buzzing through the air. It was almost impossible not to listen to you, even if she didn’t want to.  
But cute? No.  
You were just some kid, a street rat, sure, but not in a pathetic sense anymore. She couldn’t quite pinpoint it. Maybe it was how you had this endless drive to find the value in everything, even when it was so easy for someone like her to overlook. Or how your once sharp edges seemed to have softened over time, the constant biting sarcasm now replaced with, well, an actual willingness to communicate, to engage.  
God, what the hell was wrong with her?
She tried shaking it off, focusing on the weight of her boots as they hit the cracked pavement. She was not about to get all sentimental or soft. That would be a mistake.  
“I’m serious, Sevika,” you continued, eyes sparkling as you looked up at her, “I could sell this for a few cogs. It’s pretty rare, maybe even more than that if I find the right buyer!”  
She made a noncommittal sound in her throat, but inside, something shifted just a bit. You really are something else, she thought.  
Her mind screamed at her to pull away, to put some distance between herself and you before she made a mistake, but here she was, still walking beside you, letting you prattle on and on.  
“Yeah, whatever, just don’t go blowing it on something stupid,” she muttered, though there was a flicker of something in her voice that she quickly smothered.  
You gave her a sidelong glance, not missing the subtle change. “You really do care, huh?”  
She didn’t answer, instead pushing her shoulders back and picking up the pace, determined to ignore the way her heart seemed to tighten. She could still feel the eyes of the people around you—at least, that’s what she told herself.  
But maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t just about saving you from getting yourself killed anymore. Maybe... she was just stuck with you, whether she liked it or not.  
“Keep dreaming, kid,” she said gruffly, her voice betraying none of the warmth creeping up her spine.  
“Aw, you're soft, Sev," you teased, and she felt her chest tighten even more.  
"Shut up, Streetie," she snapped, the words coming out far too fondly for her liking.  
“Streetie? that's a new one,” you giggle slightly, seeming to notice before you cleared your throat.
(turned it into a series :) p3 is out now!)
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ghoulishhx · 1 month ago
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Fun fact seasonal depression actually sees a spike both in prevalence and intensity in the spring! Right around now. Something about the sun coming back and the days getting longer makes people feel extra shitty about themselves, probably because they’re still depressed but feel like they have less reason to be.
AAANYWAY wanna write something about Frank comforting a depressed reader? Maybe even a splash of suicidal ideation?
omg that thought never even crossed my mind?? but it makes complete sense, seasonal depression affects me first hand, like millions of other people. thank you so much for the ask (my first ask ever too omg) <3
anyone reading going through this, please know you're not alone, and know my dms are always open if you need to vent or talk about anything.
i've attached a link to a charity here in the uk which offers help dealing with issues i mention in this ask, you can find them here
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TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts and depressive episodes
Wordcount: 1.3k
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✦ in sickness and in health
"Sweetheart, it's me. Please open the door."
This wasn't the first time this has happened, your whole body shutting off, being unable to function or form a coherent thought that wasn't dangerous. Times like these, you couldn't do much but lie in bed for hours, days even, on end. Only leaving to use the bathroom after holding it for hours, or to grab small snacks from the cupboard.
Your boyfriend Frank knows this, and as much as he doesn't understand, he tries his damn hardest to. Unbeknownst to you, he does his research on how best to help. Whether it's asking Curtis for advice, or staying up hours after you've fallen asleep searching the internet for advice. Even though you don't feel it sometimes, he cares. He really cares for you.
You groan hearing him pound the door, you love him with all your heart but the thought of moving you body ails you. You wish you had the energy to run to him, to jump into his arms.
Karen must've told him about your episode, and that's why he's home from his work trip a week early. You confided in your best friend a few days ago when this began, it being the first one in a while (the first time since you met Frank) and you're grateful for her telling Frank about it in the long run, even though right now you want nothing more than to be alone. You can't muster up the energy to do anything differently.
"Baby girl I'll break this door down if I have to, I'm not letting ya go through this alone, you hear me?"
Not wanting to get scolded by your landlord again, you begrudgingly pull yourself out of your pit and trudge the short length from your bedroom to your front door, unlocking it and allowing Frank to pass by you.
His heart breaks when he looks over your dishevelled form. He could tell you haven't eaten properly in the few days he had to leave for work, your hair neglected and beginning to mat, your clothes hanging off your body. None of this bothers him however, he loves you for you. In sickness and in health.
"C'mere." He says, pulling you into a bruising hug. You soften around his touch, finally your body has allowed you to feel emotion for the first time in days as you come apart in his arms, sobbing into his sweater, clutching onto the material scared if you let go he would disappear.
"I'm here now doll, 'm so sorry I had to go sweetheart. Frankie's here now, I'mma take care of ya." he whispers into the top of your head, stroking your hair as you weep in his embrace.
He reaches down to lift you, carrying you to the bathroom. While holding you he reaches down to your bath's taps, switching them on. He sits you on the edge of the bath, reaching for your lavender bath soak from LUSH, emptying the contents into the tub.
"I'm so sorry Frankie.. so sorry. I-I thought I was getting better, I thought.. I don't know why I'm like this.. I don't want you to see me like this.."
"Shh baby," He whispers, cutting you off. "It's not your fault doll, none of this is. You're not alone baby girl.. I promise you."
"Frankie.. I don't wanna be here anymore. I can't do this anymore.. I'm so tired."
Your words temporarily stun him, a wave of emotion flooding him. He knows about your suicidal thoughts and past tendencies, but this is the first time you've been so upfront about them with him.
He crouches down to your level, taking your hand in his. He takes a deep breath to compose himself, he can't help but feel hurt by your word but he knows it has nothing to do with him, and right now you need him with you 100%.
"I know sweetheart, I know it's so fucking tough. But I'm so goddamn proud of you, even for gettin' up today to let me in to take care of ya." He begins kissing your hand, trailing up your arm. "For bein' willing to let me help ya feel better," He places both hands on your cheeks, angling you to look at him. "For bein' able to talk to me, that takes a lotta strength doll, 'n I'm so.. SO proud of you."
A fresh waves of sobs shake your core, the floodgates are open and your body has finally allowed you to feel. He holds you and rocks you as you perch waiting for the tub to fill, kissing your head and rubbing your lower back. You feel safe, although you don't feel ok right now his presence let's you know no matter what, you will be.
Frank turns the tap, signalling the bath is ready. He helps remove your pyjamas, tossing the dirty clothes into your wash basket he lifts you, putting you in the bath.
He begins using the jug you keep by the bath to wash water over your hair, holding his hand above your eyes to keep them dry. He takes your shampoo, one of his favourite scents in the world, squirts it into his hand as he begins massaging your scalp, washing your hair. The gesture warms your heart, you don't know what you ever did to deserve such love, such kindness.
He finishes shampooing and conditioning your hair, and begins washing your body, kissing the skin as he wipes away the suds, whispering how gorgeous you are. You watch your boyfriend in awe, as he lifts your now clean self out of the bath and onto the mat, drying you off and handing you clean pyjamas.
He guides you to your bedroom, and tucks you into bed, you whine as he gets up and doesn't join you.
"Get comfy in bed sweetheart, I'll be with ya in a sec."
You listen to his orders, cuddling yourself into the sheets. 10 minutes later, he returns with food for you. The first meal you've had in almost a week, some rice and seasoned tofu, with vegetables on the side.
"Need ya to eat that for me doll, that's my girl." He places another kiss to your forehead, as he climbs next to you and helps you feed yourself, understanding your energy has reached rock bottom. He doesn't judge you for this, for any of it. He truly loves you and would do anything to make sure you're going to be ok.
"Thank you Frankie, for everything." you say finishing your meal, handing him the plate as you cosy yourself into bed.
"Nothin' to thank me for sweetheart. I'm here for you, I'll always be here for you. I love you so much, you're not alone now that I'm here. Never again." He pulls you into the spooning position.
You begin to apologise again, feeling like a burden allowing him to see you in this state. He stops you,
"Baby girl please don't apologise. I don' expect nothin' of you doll, I hope you know that. You're allowed to feel and what you're goin' through is so fuckin' hard. I dont judge you for a second. But you're not alone. It will get better, I promise. I'm so proud of ya princess." He turns your chin to meet your eyes with his, he means every damn word and you trust him. You trust him more than youve ever trusted anyone in your life. "C'mon honey, let's get you some sleep, you've earned it."
He reaches past you to turn out the light, pulling you impossibly closer to him, peppering kisses along the back of your neck.
"I love you Frankie. So much. Please never leave."
"Not planning on it doll, ya stuck with me now."
You giggle at this, Frank beaming at hearing your laugh for the first time tonight.
"In sickness and in health, my sweet girl. In sickness and in health."
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
a/n: once again, please know if you relate to any of the themes discussed you are not alone and will be get through it, my dms are always open, i know what it's like to struggle alone and no one should ever have to go through that.
"keep your eye on the donut, not the hole." - David Lynch
♡ my inbox is open!! ♡
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phoenixyfriend · 9 months ago
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Accountant of Theed
Read on AO3
After all is said and done, someone needs to balance these books, and nobody actually told the accounting department how they paid for this new hyperdrive. Mimi really hopes it's not a loan from the Hutts.
Disclaimer: I am not an accountant, but I work in an adjacent field (and have been considering getting a certification, but that's neither here nor there). While I did take some courses on it, I asked an Accounting Person to look over the excel sheet before I went forward with the rest of the fic to make sure it's internally consistent. Thank you to @gnomer-denois for confirming my balance on these works!
The reconciliation sheet does NOT follow contemporary guidelines in terms of format etc, but that is because it is:
In space! Standard practice differs from Modern United States or what have you.
Not the primary balance sheet, just the simplified version made to show to Queen Amidala.
If you'd prefer to view the Excel sheet in a more easily navigable form, there is a google drive link available. This is also your best option if using a screen reader.
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Theed is safe. They are rebuilding. There is even financial support, aid, from the Republic.
It comes with strings attached. Oversight. Auditors.
Wouldn’t want Naboo to misuse funding after that nasty mistake with the Trade Federation, right? Sure, Naboo wasn’t the one at fault, but one can never be too careful...
Mimi, as an accountant for the government of Naboo, does not in fact want to commit fraud, or enable corruption, but the rolling audits do feel a little like the Republic is punishing them for getting invaded.
“Hey, boss?”
That tone. Mimi does not like that tone. “Please tell me it’s not another unauthorized purchase with a missing receipt. Which account did they pull from this time?”
“Um... we don’t know?”
Mimi gives them a moment. No elaboration is given.
“You don’t know?”
“We don’t know,” the younger employee repeats.
“What do you mean?” Mimi asks. “People charge things to accounts or cards. They forget to submit receipts. We hunt them down for receipts, and make sure nobody is skimming off the top. That’s how it goes. Unless this is a purchase on a personal and we need to reimburse—”
“Um, maybe?”
“In which—what? That’s just... okay. There’s a process for reimbursements. You aren’t following it, which means... what? What do you mean, you don’t know? Did they use cash, or pull from an account?”
The younger employee looks down at their datapad. Looks back up at her. Looks baffled and a little scared. “Um, it’s... we still don’t have a receipt, but we also don’t know where the money for it came from? But nobody’s put in a reimbursement request and I can’t imagine anyone on the mission had those funds on them, not even the Queen herself.”
“The money for what?”
“Um. It sort of just... showed up?”
“So, it’s some kind of gift?” Mimi presses.
“Too big,” the younger mumbles, refusing to meet her eyes. “It would have to be disclosed.”
“I am giving you five seconds—”
“It’s a hyperdrive!” they yelp.
“...Explain.”
“One of the mechanics was looking over the Royal Cruiser, and found that there was unrecorded repair work to the hyperdrive. The ship took enough damage during the escape that he wasn’t surprised, but then he noticed that it was from an earlier run of the part, and when he checked, the serial number was completely wrong. The hyperdrive was completely replaced.”
Mimi closes her eyes and takes a breath. “The mechanic doesn’t know?”
“He said there’s nothing in the records that matches it at all, and it’s a big enough part that there’s no way it would just slip through the cracks, not when it’s that expensive and going on the Royal Cruiser.”
“So,” Mimi says, “we have a part worth almost as much as the rest of the cruiser combined, that just... came out of nowhere, and nobody claiming for reimbursement.”
“Yes, ma’am. That’s what it looks like.”
Mimi has no interest in fraud.
“Find out who was piloting when Queen Amidala escaped, and see if they have any answers,” Mimi tells them. “If we can keep it to just the hangar staff without drawing in the Royal Retinue, it’ll be easier on all of us.”
“Here’s hoping, ma’am.”
(Continue on AO3)
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solemnvelvetangel · 28 days ago
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"Everybody wants a piece of you..." - Jealousy head cannons pt. 2
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Characters Included: Osamu Dazai, Michizo Tachihara, Nikolai Gogol
Content warning: Mention of a gun in Nikolai's section
When you forget to post on tumblr for almost a year lmao.
___
“It just isn’t fair, what you put in the air. I don’t wanna’ share…”
Osamu Dazai
This man is into you.
Like… really into you.
I strongly believe that once Dazai truly falls for someone, that person will be the only one for him.
He’s had plenty of fleeting romances and flings, but you’re his first serious relationship. His first love. The first person he has ever let in. The first person to still love him despite all of his faults.
Because of that, you’re the light of his life, and he will do anything to keep you.
Despite his goofy and nonchalant demeanor, Dazai is very much a jealous man.
He doesn’t mind someone touching you, as long as it is completely platonic.
He doesn’t mind people being attracted to you. After all, you’re beautiful, of course there would be people who appreciate your looks and personality. Little crushes never hurt anyone, anyway…
However, it’s if they choose to act upon their crush and make advances on you that strikes a nerve with him.
Naturally, Dazai craves closeness with you. If anyone openly threatens the bond that you share, he gets protective.
In other words: he is deeply offended by the sheer audacity of someone coming on to his lover knowing that you’re with him.
Most would tend to think he’s whiny and loud with his jealousy, but he’s the opposite.
He shows his feelings of jealousy so subtly, you almost wouldn’t notice a difference in his demeanor.
Almost…
He’ll purse his lips, crack his knuckles and neck (a nervous habit of his), he’ll shift closer to you, he might interject into the conversation and try to change the subject.
He’ll only say something if you’re clearly uncomfortable or the person is upsetting you somehow.
As much as he’s jealous, he doesn’t want to make it seem like he’s trying to take away your autonomy.
He values your good opinion, and he wants nothing more than for you to feel safe and comfortable.
“I’m sorry if I get protective, need these boys to get the message…”
Michizo Tachihara
Tachihara is naturally protective of people he cares for, but he’s most protective of you.
He’s seen a lot of messed up stuff during his time as a Hunting Dog and being undercover in the Port Mafia, so he has always felt unsafe one way or another.
You were the first person he felt truly safe around.
Because both of his jobs are so demanding, he often fears that you’re unsatisfied with what little time you can spend together.
You best believe that he tries his damn hardest though. He puts a lot of effort into your relationship.
A lot of times he feels that your bond is delicate like a fraying thread, it could snap at any minute.
So when he feels someone is trying to get in between the two of you, they’re immediately on his radar.
Honestly, Tachihara will only notice if someone is interested in you when they’re being upfront and very flirtatious towards you.
Tachihara becomes a guard dog when anyone tries to get too close for his liking.
Typically he will just give dirty looks or throw in a few sassy remarks if someone hits on you in front of him.
If it goes on for a while, Tachihara can and will be aggressive.
His mindset is: “If you keep hitting on my partner, I’ll just take it as an invitation to beat your ass.”
He can and will fight people who disrespect you or your relationship.
“I get reckless, I’m obsessive. I’m pathetic and possessive…”
Nikolai Gogol
Oh, good lord…
This man is obsessed.
How can he not be? You allow him to be himself and let him have his fun.
You’re also the first person he has formed a genuine bond with, so he treasures you like a lost man in a desert treasures an oasis.
He’s very, very attached to you.
He always wants your attention, so anyone who takes up your time is often met with some hostility.
Depending on his mood, he will be passive-aggressive or he will be straight aggressive
He knows that you love him and would never cheat, he just doesn’t trust other people.
He also just doesn't like when your attention is on someone else for long periods of time (he's kind of an attention whore).
He can and will force himself between you and whoever you're talking to that's making him jealous.
“Why, hello! I'm Nikolai, their partner. And who might you be? What's your name?”
He will ask them a lot of questions and have a very unsettling smile on his face while doing so.
This is in hopes that they will get really uncomfortable and walk away.
When it comes to situations like this, he will use his mischief-making tendencies to his advantage.
He will find many ways to inconvenience them.
There's nothing stopping him from opening a portal above their head and dumping a bottle of ginger ale on their head.
Or, depending on how fiercely and shamelessly they were flirting with you, pointing a gun at them.
He's a little trigger happy when it comes to you.
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yeonniesblog · 4 months ago
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Kuroo x reader x oikawa
Synopsis : After years spent by a certain setter along with a small toddler mending you heart, your life was a just like a blissful movie with a happy ending. But little did you know the person who gave you not only the worst years of your life but also the small ball of sunshine, decided to suddenly make a appearance in your fairytale when fate played a wild
reader's note : this is the last chapter, make sure to read it in order! Sorry for the angst hehe.
Part 1 : meeting you again | Part 2 : wouldn't you | Part 3 : broken promises | Part 4 : where it all went wrong | Part 5 : enough for now (current one)
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“she is a fucking psycopath” kenma sighs, putting the car in reverse as he pulls up in his driveway, eyes fixated on the rear view as kuroo watches the irriated expression on his face.
“dude, chill I know you hate kizumi, but I might marry her” kuroo sips his coffee as he lets out a shallow grunt in annoyance too, what was he doing in life.
“no, just think about it, she specifically asked for the ring you bought to propose to y/n, when she knows you could afford to give her much expensive one right now, but, again I repeat. she asked specifically for that ring, only”
the black hair man groans at the explanation, he knows his friend has a point, but he is trying to gaslight himself into believing whatever kizumi explained to him. “i think she just likes it, she was the one who chose it too, all those years ago—” and before kuroo could finish his sentence, the half blonde cuts him off, swiftly taking out his phone from his pocket and muttering something to it “siri, how do you block people in real life”
“yeah, okay, this is a kuroo hate club, I get it” the man sighs, propping his head back on the headrest, closing his eyes. “honestly I know her behavior is weird, but I’m in a tight spot, my only left family is nagging me to marry her, and you know I could care less about marriage” he pauses taking a deep breath. “dad is legit emotionally blackmailing me, sitting at his stupid hospital bed probably faking his disease”
“they want you to marry, doesn't necessarily have to be her” kenma suggests, opening the seatbelt around him. “i cannot marry a stranger, kizumi is a better option, we have been dating on and off for one year” the rooster haired man replies, honestly he really wants to jump off a cliff, but he will suppress the impulsive urges.
“as a rebutal to that, one thing you said was right” kenma sighs finally looking at his friend, kuroo looks tired, or is aged that appropriate word. “her behavior is weird, it's like she has more attachment to y/n than you, she is insecure as fuck of her. you, me and her, we all know she won't ever level up to the place y/n has in your heart, so she trying to become her, its giving me chills” kenma shudders at that thought, physically gagging.
“do you think it's too late for me to get a therapist?” with that kuroo tetsuro groans one more time.
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kuroo sits quietly, hands clasped, looking up with hesitant eyes as he watches you put your purse on the table, stoice face, yet so pretty.
he really meant it when he said you got more gorgeous over the years, there were few lines now adorning your face, mature and elegant glow.
even if he sometimes wonders if it would have been better if you both never met at all, if it would have been better if neither of you had to go through the heartbreak, but he knows,
if there was a spell to go back in time, to where he met you, he would do the same thing. he would make a silly chemistry joke and wait for you to laugh at it, not because it was funny, no it was because it was so bad you laughed at it, it was his fault wasn’t it?
to loose the most precious thing in his life, did you feel worse than him, it wasn't a question, nor a comparison, he wanted to know because he will never forget or forgive himself to give you so much pain over the year.
what did you name the kid? did oikawa tooru’ see how your son took the first steps, was he the one who got called father first, what's his favorite food, does he have a birth mark, does he like volleyball? is your son’ tastes similar to what is his? Just like how he saw the little kid adorning your homely baked goods, similar to what he himself used to do.
it pains him, physically pains him to know he wasn't there for anything, he wasn't there to make you food, hold your hair while you threw up during you morning sickness, not hold your hand while you went into labour, he wasn't part of any of it, six years sometimes means nothing and yet to him, now, it means everything, it means every important thing he lost.
“you don't know how much draining this is for me, to be talking to you, or as a matter of fact to talk about what happened, cause honestly you deserve nothing, not the explanation, not to meet me or ruko” you break the silence first, firmly sitting at your place.
and kuroo wishes he could repent on all the thing you said but the only thought in his mind is what you named your son “his name is ruko?”
“his name is oikawa saruko” you firmly state, a small smile tugging at you lips, you were proud your kid had a father like oikawa, cause you can't imagine anyone else being a better father than him.
tetsuro has never wanted to be in someone else's place as much as he wants to be oikawa now, he sighs at your words. “why didn't you tell me, I would get it if you wanted to get away from me, but don't you think I deserved to know the kid was mine?” his voice quivering as he asks you the question, a weird pang in his chest.
“i tried, I tried so many times” your voice quivers slightly “why do you think I asked for your opinion to have a kid?” that silents the man infront of you, his pupil dilated as he realizes how he explained it, and how it sounded like a definite ‘no” from his side.
“not to mention, even after that I was going to tell you, with my parents kuroo and you didn't show up” he relishes at how defeated he feels when you don't even call him by his first name, so the announcement when you called him was with your parents? his legs tenses up and he stops shaking them.
“i know I don't have any excuse but you know there was a storm that night—”
“yet you left me all alone in that storm, tetsuro” his heart breaks into million pieces, do you even know how much he just wants to pull you close and cry, stain your shirt with his tears of sorrow that he made a mistake and couldn't be in your presence and of joy because after years he was able to see you.
“i—y/n” he tries to put his hands over yours but you are swift to pull away, he knows a million reasons of why your reflex action was right, yet he can't help but feel his throat becoming dry “i’m sorry, I assumed you were with your parents, I had no idea, my phone was dead”
“how can you still lie to me?” your voice croaks, finally looking straight into his eyes, you really don't want to care for whatever his action was or what he did but you can't help but feel wronged.
“what do you mean lie?”
“so your phone was dead enough to not respond to my texts but it was working when you reposted on social media with your now girlfriend, her friends commenting how cute you both looked” you scoff pausing in disbelief “or should I say fiance”
“whatever are you sayi-” then it clicks, it suddenly clicks how kizumi’s friend has always shipped him with her, despite knowing he has a girlfriend, despite him saying he doesn't appreciate it, that it straight up makes him uncomfortable.
how kizumi knew, that your birthdate was his password to Instagram, he remembers her saying it was so cute, its laughable to think how dumb he has been, how could he not notice her intention. but he wishes you told him, he wishes he could have cleared off the last misunderstanding and if he could take it all back he would.
hell, he would never breath the same air as kizumi if he could go back in time and fix things. but he cannot, all he has is regret and all he can do his atone for his mistake, he was hoping you'd be kind enough to let him see his son, he hasn't been a great partner but he sure as heck wants to have some influence in your son’s life—
after all, it was a part of you and him, back then if he actually heard you were pregnant he'd probably be scared as shit, but he would still fight every odds to raise the kid you made, how could he ever resent a mini you, kuroo knows he has no right to feel wronged but all those years without the little guy or even acknowledgment of his existence makes feel burnt.
his lips shaky and he doesn't know if a explanation would even help at this point, nothing would change and even if kizumi was in wrong– so was he though. his mouth ran before he could know.
he looks up at her. “I know you don’t owe me anything, but there’s something you need to hear" your eyes held anger and he was scared of that, he wanted to scream please forgive me, over and over again in a chant but he knew he didn't deserve your forgiveness.
you crossed your arms, wary but patient. you had no idea how you still held on. but they say but they say old habits die hard, and even after six year you had the same patience for him, you wanted to laugh at yourself “Go on.”
“It was Kizumi,” he begins, voice low but firm. “She… she’s the reason things fell apart. She was jealous of you, of what we had. She deleted your texts that night—the ones you sent me about the announcement. She posted on my social media to make it look like I was with her. And she—”
"You didn't know?" your eyes widened and you had no idea how to feel after hearing that, conflicted feeling filled your lungs and the wall of resolve you have solidified getting cracks of doubt in them, but you remained firm.
“No,” Kuroo says quickly, his voice thick with regret. “I was blind, stupid, and I didn’t see what was happening. I let her control too much. I thought I could trust her. But I swear, if I’d known—” He stops, realizing that no matter what he says, it won’t erase the past.
you stare at him, your face unreadable, but there was turmoil behind your eyes “So, you’re saying it was all her fault?”
“No. No..no.” Kuroo says firmly, shaking his head. “It was my fault too. I let her into my life, I didn’t listen to you, and I didn’t fight for you when it mattered. That’s on me. I just… I need you to know that I didn’t abandon you on purpose.”
you exhale slowly, looking down at you cup, a closure huh? but what does that change ? you know oikawa is much more important to you now, nothing could change that, nothing could make you ever abandon the perfect family you have right now. “I believe you, Tetsuro. But that doesn’t change what happened. You weren’t there when I needed you, and I had to pick up the pieces alone. Oikawa was there. He’s been there for me and for Ruko.”
even if there is a shaky heartbeat you feel around your past lover you know it was not meant to be. there are so many things unsaid and there will be so many things which will be, you are a mom now and you could never be an careless one. and as much as tears were welling up in your eyes for what could have been, you won't risk anything for what it is now.
Kuroo swallows the lump in his throat. “I know. And I’m glad he’s been good to you both. I just… I missed so much, Y/N. I want to know him. I know I don’t deserve it, but I want to try.”
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bonus scene
Kuroo sits on a bench, watching from a distance as you and Oikawa playing with your son, Ruko. The boy—his son, biologically—has Oikawa’s mannerisms but your smile. Kuroo’s chest tightens as he watches the little boy stumble, only for Oikawa to sweep him up, spinning him around while you laugh.
They look like a family. They are a family
Kuroo thinks to himself, maybe this could have been you both if he wasn't consumed by the thought that you both would also be horrible parents much like your families.
you notice him then, your gaze meeting his. There’s no anger in your eyes anymore, just a quiet understanding. you approach him cautiously, arms crossed. “You’re here,” you speak, trying to keep your tone neutral.
“I just wanted to see him,” Kuroo admits. “I won’t interfere much. I just… needed to see him.”
You sit beside him, keeping a respectful distance. “He’s happy, you know. Oikawa’s a good father. He loves Ruko like he’s his own.” and that breaks kuroo's heart, as much as he tries to look positively at this. He can't help but feel his heart become empty, can't help but wish to be where oikawa is right now in your life.
Kuroo nods, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I can see that. He’s a lucky kid.” you glance at him, your expression softening. “I know the truth now, about Kizumi. About what happened. I’m… sorry you were caught in that.”
“I’m sorry too,” Kuroo says, his voice breaking. He knows it's not enough but all he can do is regret it over and over again. “For everything. For not being there, for letting you down. I should’ve fought harder for us.” you look away, your gaze fixed on Oikawa and Ruko. “Maybe. But it’s too late now, Tetsuro. We’ve both moved on.” and he feels a bit happy, you used his first name, God he is so pathetic
“I know,” he whispers, his heart breaking all over again. “But I’ll never stop wishing I could go back and do it right.” and before you are able to say anything you notice a small figure approaching you, you feel at ease when you notice it's your son, oikawa stood a bit away, he felt protective over you both but he doesn't want to snatch away the closure you deserve, and he can't snatch away ruko from his biological dad. so he stays silent cause he knows ruko would pick him for sure, he loves the little guy to death after all.
“Ruko, this is… this is Tetsuro,” you say gently, getting up from the bench only to kneel beside your son.
The boy looks up, curious but cautious. “Hi,” he says softly, clutching his toy dinosaur.
Kuroo crouches down, his heart aching as he gets his first close look at his son. Ruko has Y/N’s eyes and his messy black hair. He smiles faintly. “Hey, buddy. That’s a cool dinosaur you’ve got there. What’s his name?”
“Cupcake,” Ruko replies, holding it up proudly.For a moment, Kuroo wants to giggle, pondering why a dinosaur would be named Cupcake, but he holds back, his lips twitching into a soft smile. “Cupcake, huh? That’s a pretty unique name. Why’d you pick it?”
Ruko beams, his small chest puffing up with excitement. “Well—it’s not weird, okay? It’s ’cause I love dinosaurs and I love Mom’s handmade cupcakes, so I mixed two favorite things at once!”
Kuroo freezes for a moment, his breath catching in his throat. Cupcakes. His gaze flickers briefly to you, you who look away, your expression unreadable. He remembers countless nights when he’d come over to your place, exhausted from work or practice, and the smell of your freshly baked cupcakes would make him feel like he was home. They were his favorite—a sweet, simple treat that reminded him of your warmth.
And now, their son shares that same love.“That’s… that’s actually genius,” Kuroo finally says, his voice hoarse with emotion. “Cupcake is the perfect name for a dinosaur. You’ve got great taste.”
Ruko grins proudly, going on to describe Cupcake’s many adventures and how he takes the toy everywhere. Kuroo listens intently, his heart clenching. There’s an ache beneath his chest—a mix of pride, love, and regret. He and Ruko have so much in common, and yet, this is the first time he’s learning it.
The realization stings, and he resents you a bit for that but it also fills him with a bittersweet joy. Ruko is bright, imaginative, and full of life. He’s a part of you and him—a reminder of what you both once had. And kuroo decides he can live with that. That's enough for now isn't it?
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Finally ending this series, I get embarrassed whenever I reread it but it was my first series and it has been in my drafts for years. But here I ending, thank you for everyone who waited for this.
Here is the taglist (it's based on people who were waiting for it) : @reikashe @mikaela26sstuff @chita318 @mxrice @freddiemylovelg @glxar @amarinthe @rinsangel @captainchrisstan @gamacha @cheeseriz @pluviophilefangirl @bnha-bakusquad @asaitashi @lordmomourmomoness @missyasmim @macky-attoh @belle643 @on-crows-wings
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acciocriativity · 9 months ago
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-> | You keep distancing yourself | Ateez Reaction (Hyung Line)
Some could call selfsabotage, others could say is insecure attachament style, but maybe, you're just tired of fighting a losing battle.
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Genre: Angst
Pairing: Ateez OT8 x gn! reader
WC: 2 k
N/A: This is my peace offering after vanishing for so long (please don't k word me)! I had this in my drafts for the longest time, but I only got enough motivation to finish it yesterday
Reblogs and comments are highly appreciated! Thank you so much for reading my work!
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Kim Hongjoong (김홍중)
His kakaotalk notifications were non-existent these days.
None of the boys were good texters, and their group chat was silent since Seonghwa asked for something he didn’t remember anymore a while ago. So why did he keep glancing at his phone across the table when he should be working? You never answered whether you would like to come see him next month or not.
“Aish..”, he suddenly got up and walked left and right in the tiny studio, every now and then hitting one of the chairs and acting like it was their fault.
Was it really too forward? Maybe you just were not comfortable with the idea. But you two met 5 months ago and you were never afraid to get out of any situation that made you uncomfortable, so you could just say no, no hard feelings. There’s always a next opportunity, right? So why, why didn’t you just reply?
His phone lighted up. A new yellow notification appeared and he ran to grab it. The simple thought of you messing with any rational thoughts on his mind.
He felt stupid as he read it, then dropped the device on the table, too dejected to care about Mingi’s lost earphones.
Since when did he become so clingy? Maybe you were just busy now, yeah, that was it.
And he wasn’t wrong. You were doing the most to busy yourself so you would have a perfectly acceptable reason to not answer him at all.
Any college assignment you had a month to do was now was a top priority. The new hobby you wanted to try for a while? You just started it. You barely talked to your brother nowadays, but in the last two weeks, you visited his family a couple of times.
Why? You knew what you were doing in the first few days. You got attached too soon, fell deep into a hole and only realized the moment he asked you to watch his concert, ‘It’d mean the world if you come see me on tour next month’ it said. You recalled one of those deep conversations you had some random night the moment you read it.
“It’s kind of embarrassing, but not at the same time”, you remembered how he looked down when you asked about it, the blush on his cheeks gave him away. “It gives me so much strength and makes me want to work harder whenever important people come to see us”.
He also said how he treasured whenever important people in his life would support him that way. Even through a simple video call, you saw how his eyes shined as he giggled, only to change the subject. A part of you wished to feel how it was to have a support system like he does, but you never thought you would be included in that category for him. You did not even know if you want to or if you could deal with the pain that always comes with giving your heart to people and letting people in.
So you refused to think about it.
Park Seonghwa (박성화)
He cleaned his throat as he saw you coming towards him at one of the many small corridors of KQ Entertainment.
“It’s now or never, now or never, now-”
You barely glanced at him as you walked into one of the empty meeting rooms like it was previously agreed.
Lucky him, nobody saw the disheartening expression on his face or how he hesitated to push the door open. His confidence level went back to below zero and instead of an easy smile, he could barely manage a shy smile and an unnecessary formal bow as he came in, it wasn’t like you did not know each other.
So maybe this collaboration would not go as smooth as he let the others convince him it would, still, he could talk to you and, hopefully, get back to the simple relationship you both once had.
“Hello, Seonghwa-ssi”, you said in such an indifferent polite tone. It surprised him and yourself.
What hurt him most was the fake professional smile on your face. You were known for your authenticity and the worst poker face on earth, but you made the effort to pretend in front of him, like he was nothing more than an inconvenient stranger in an elevator. His heart felt heavy on his chest, he never had to make an effort to make you genuine laugh or smile, and now he realized how much he took that for granted back then.
You seemed perfectly fine in front of him, like it hasn’t been more than a month since your last conversation. But he still likes to believe he knows you better than that. And maybe he wishes you also can not be fooled by his brave facade.
“How have you been?”, the words fell out of his mouth before he could even blink.
You cleared your throat as you sat on one of the rolling chairs. “Been good, Hongjoong-ssi is a bit late. Can you confirm that he is coming soon, please?”
You pretended not to notice how he fumbled to grab his phone to send the text and instead, busied yourself to set up your laptop on the empty wood table. But you could not ignore how he was still standing like a lost child by the table.
“Are you going to grab some water before the meeting?”
“No, no, I’m… I’ll go to get some coffee, do you want it?”
You said no, so he took your perfect opportunity to get out and he left as quickly as he could with hurting his pride too much.
With his back to the wall beside the coffee machine, he sent more than 16 messages pleading Hongjoong to let go of their stupid plan and come as fast as he could to the meeting. Yet, he was left unanswered. The last sent message almost taunted him, it said “Just apologize for your stupid mistake and make things right by her”.
He knew he had to after he acted like an asshole, it was clear the moment he got home to be with his own thoughts, but the more he reflected on their plan, more he realized maybe this is why you waked away from him.
So he gathered his courage once again, but now to apologize for two things and leave you alone for good.
Jeong Yunho (정윤호)
He watched as you giggled over some silly comment Wooyoung made a point to tell for the nth time. Yet, there you were, acting like it was the funniest thing in the world. Maybe he would react the same way if you stopped ignoring him for once that night.
“It’s getting hard to watch this”, Jongho mumbled under his breath as he stood up from the couch to refill two glass cups in their dorm’s kitchen, both for himself because only God knew how tiring was to hype up a miserable and stubborn friend.
Yunho did not notice the change beside him, but he did take note of your agitated state under his stare. He wished that could satisfy a selfish desire of satisfaction, but he felt nothing of that sort. Instead, his heart felt heavy with despair and unfulfilled need of your attention.
It felt silly to him at first, you two kissed after drinking a lot, so what? He was ready to let the past be the past and he thought you were on the same page. How stupid of him, he recognized it. Your relationship with him never went back to what it was, but it took him a while to notice he did not want that at all.
“C’mon, will you really let him suffer for the whole night?”, Wooyoung asked as he leaned into your side, ready to cuddle some more in part because he wanted to and in part because it was fun to see Yunho going insane over it.
You two been near the window for a while, enjoying the soft cold breeze of the night after a sunny day.
“You can’t deny it forever”, he said it in an annoying singing tone. “-ow, but you know I’m right”, he looked down to your hands dangerously close to his poor ribs, then grab them tight. “Ok, I get it, not talking about it”.
“Great, now let go”, you mumbled. “Let go, I’m not poking you”, you insisted trying to free yourself, only for him to intertwine your fingers.
“What if I don’t want to? Now, stand still”, he said as he leaned into your shoulder, taking the space like he was entitled to it.
Now, you were flabbergasted and defeated, because no matter what you do, you could not escape him on cuddle monster mode.
“Can we talk?”, you froze in place the moment you heard Yunho’s smooth deep voice right beside you. His gaze were focused on your face, yet you still made no move to acknowledge it.
“Give me my cuddle buddy back later, yeah?”
And just like that, the freaking traitor let go of you. You could see the mischievous light on Wooyoung’s eyes focused on your figure.
“There was no way to run away now”
That thought ran through yours, Yunho’s and Wooyoung’s mind. But you felt rage while Yunho felt hope.
“There’s nothing to talk about, wasn’t what you said?”.
You bumped into the traitor’s shoulder, then walked away.
Kang Yeosang (강여상)
Maybe you were some sort of a masochist or, maybe, you were plain stupid.
You’ve been friends with him for so freaking long, long enough that the few female friends that could still deal with your bullshit were exhausted of you and your ridiculous crush.
You clearly knew you were the latter, for some reason you thought you’d get over at some point or maybe he’d suddenly see the mysterious thing he was always looking for in you. None of those happened.
You stopped talking about him a little ago, maybe a month or two, and it was a good change to your friends’ ears. It was noticeable, but they gave you enough grace to not mention it. Little did they know, you were running from him like the plague as well.
Truth to be told, Yeosang did not notice it per se. He knew for sure something was going on after you declined his third attempt to make plans in less than two weeks. Why would he think you were lying to him at all? He thought you were sick and if you were felling that bad, of course he wouldn’t hesitate to agree with you, it would be better to meet up another day.
But then, two whole weeks with barely a peep from you? He missed your companionship in a way he did not know he could. You came into his life and little by little carved your space in his heart. But it was hard to put this feeling into words, he was not good with them in general, so you often had to read through the unfinished lines.
Now, he laid on his back watching the nothingness on the ceiling, yet his mind kept recalling the earlier conversation with San, if he could call his tongue tied moment a conversation.
“So what you gonna do?”
He could do nothing but stare wide eyed. Up until then, he did not think- no, he did not feel like he should do anything. You said through your actions many times already that you wished to be alone and as a friend, what else could he do but respect that?
But San was a hopeless romantic, and he wasn’t one to let things go so easily. Also, he wished the best for the two of you, in whatever way that may be even though Yeosang did not see those possibilities right in front of his nose.
“What should I do?”
“You have to figure it out on your own”
He did, he should.
He called you.
You didn’t pick up.
You were tired of being the one reading between the lines.
Tag list: @h3arteyes4mingi
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class1akids · 5 months ago
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People keep complaining about Shoto’s design looking ugly/like endeavor, but endeavor wasn’t ugly from his looks- it came from his personal faults and insecurity taking over his personality, it’s from never smiling or being happy because he was far too focused on his job that it limited him in making connections with others, it’s about the choices he made about his family, he’s stiff w/ his arms cross trying to look intimidating while Shoto smiles and is more relaxed and is taking care of himself and others without the burden of expectations on his shoulders.
I think we have two questions.
What is actually Shouto's adult design?
I feel that a lot of the complaints come from that first panel his adult design is introduced on. It's personally my least favorite panel of Shouto in 431, not because of the resemblance to Endeavor, but how uncanny he looks there.
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It's like two different face mashed together, but not in a good way.
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The other Shouto panels we see - whether left or right side - are much more natural-looking blending the different features from Enji and Rei and are totally in line with high school Shouto.
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Another complaint is his body-type. In Shouto-fandom there was always a split between people who wanted adult Shouto to stay on the lithe, skinny, small side, like Rei - especially the ones who have a strong preference for a feminine, uke Shouto. Then there were always the ones who wanted him to get Endeavor's buff build.
I personally was always partial to a Shouto whose build is between Endeavor's and Rei's - so taller and more muscular than Rei/Touya, but shorter and more lithe than Endeavor.
Actually it's really hard to tell what body-type he landed on from this chapter other than it's definitely not the small, twink-Shouto many people are very strongly attached to. But the clothes he wears are so baggy that we don't really know much.
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On this frame, you can definitely tell that he still has that tight midriff:
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Here, we can see his hands being still long-fingers and quite delicate:
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And in the action shot - well, I think he landed pretty much on that muscular, but wide, rectangular frame, but still with long thighs and whatnot, that was within expectations for him.
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Finally, as for height, the only reference we have is him standing next to Momo (who was 173 cm and probably didn't grow much after). Shouto who was only 3 cm taller now looks about 1/2 head (about 10 cm) taller. So that would put Shouto's current height to about 185 cm - somewhere in the middle of his family (Endeavor's height is 195 - Touya's is the same as high school Shouto - 176 cm)
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But reading both 430 and 431, I do feel that adult Shouto does not have yet a fully consistent design and we'll probably have to wait for the fanbook to get final answers.
2. Why does it matter if he looks like Endeavor?
Now preferences to idol-type, "pretty boys" vs more masculine men are definitely part of it - and there is nothing one can do about that. Fans who were obsessed with Shouto's idol-like looks feeling a whiplash from his more masculine adult design just boils down to aesthetic preference and can't be helped.
But I think there is a deeper reason some people feel a bit repulsed - and it's tied to how:
Shouto as a child got scarred and literally told by his mom that he's unbearably unsightly because he looks like his dad they all hated. So I think there is an angst element here - Shouto having to look into the mirror every day and see his father. Shouto visiting Rei and wondering if that's what his mom sees.
Shouto wanted to be nothing like Endeavor.
For this last point - I think Horikoshi was very deliberately moving Shouto in a direction where while in the beginning he fully looked like Rei's ice side (even covering his left), he mentally was similar to Endeavor with how his negative feelings consumed him and made him blind to others. As he matures and his values change, mentally he becomes very different from Endeavor, while physically, he starts to resemble him more and more - the way he grows, his hero suit, the gloves, the ultimate moves etc.
It's an artistic choice that you can love or hate, but Horikoshi is choosing to show that Shouto is not defined by his genetics by making him resemble Endeavor, but highlighting his different choices and demeanor.
And yeah, I don't think Enji is ugly per se - it's more the association with his crimes and behavior, the way he treats people that his looks are tied to those memories which creates a cognitive dissonance.
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jade-len · 1 year ago
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so today i tricked my very straight male friend into reading svsss.
okay look, i wasn't planning to at first and it's not like it was completely my fault. he wanted to read it!
i was showing him how badly they fucked up mu qingfang in the donghua by comparing it to the english novel design (he said that mu qingfang went from looking like a soft dilf to a predator registered on the epstein island list). and then, i showed him how different some of the other character designs were like gongyi xiao's ("he looks like he'd be a genshin character" -friend, to eng novel design) and luo binghe's ("lowkey, he kinda gives airbender vibes" -friend, to bunhe eng novel design)
so that was all i was gonna show him, nothing else. but after seeing them, he goes, "these designs actually look hella cool. what's the book called?"
now, do i:
A. tell him the name, eventually revealing that it's a danmei when he looks it up?
B. just straight up tell him that it's a danmei?
C: don't tell him the name just yet, spill the summary, get him interested, and tell him to not search anything up about it because there's heavy spoilers and it will reveal them the moment he types it up on the search bar
i go with C, obviously.
me: so, basically, some guy named shen yuan transmigrates into an incel harem male power fantasy novel where the protagonist, luo binghe, has hundreds of wives. thing is though, the guy pretty much took over the body of binghe's teacher he had when he was a teenager, who turns out to be a really scummy dude. and now he has to be nice to him so that the protagonist doesn't rip off his limbs and put him into a pickle pot in the future to suffer for eternity.
friend: that sounds hilarious and horrifying at the same time.
me: yes it is, and you should read it. it's like. my favorite novel at the moment. but don't search up anything about it because people spoil that shit. i'll let you borrow my novel
friend: nah don't worry, i'll just pirate it
friend: wait. does it have pictures?
me, my plan coming together: yeah, it has pictures. buuut, when you pirate it, it doesn't. trust me dude, i tried and was severely disappointed. plus, the physical copy is so much better
friend: fuck yeah ok thanks
me: hold on though. i'll text you later to see if my friend who's borrowing it rn is done reading it
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he's hyped. he's excited. he craves a good book and a good transmigration interpretation. he's especially happy about the fact that it takes place in a chinese setting with cool powers and an actual good main character. "this sounds so good, god i wanna read it so bad."
i tell him that binghe is actually adorable, too. that it's pretty much found family! my friend then asks if shen yuan adopts him and becomes a father figure or something.
and i said "yes". you know, like a liar. (the father figure part probably isn't a lie though)
now i'm gonna give him the novel tomorrow! of course, i'm gonna cover the chapter 2 bunhe sexual awakening scene with washi tape and say that my baby cousin (sorry baby cousin, you would never <\3) scribbled all over that paragraph with her markers, and since i'm a neat book freak, i put washi tape and just wrote the scene! i don't know if that's really all too believable, but he didn't seem to care that much. just a simple "if my baby cousin did that to my book i would punt them into the sun"
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i think what'll be more hilarious is the fact that you can't really tell that svsss is a BL. especially not volume 1. there's like, only a few lines indicating, but if you remove the baby binghe sexual awakening scene then you probably won't be able to know (...if you don't really read romance or anything. idk he's kinda dense anyways). so let's hope he gets attached and has a slow descent into the homo before i drop svsss vol 2 on him!
ok anyways i'll update you guys later with a reblog. maybe in about two or three days lol
(also don't worry, we already fuck around with each other on a daily basis like this. he's already tricked me into reading some manga i was unprepared for, and i thought that it'd be funny to mess around with him using svsss this time lol)
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moonspiritmars · 7 months ago
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ope I just realized a big reason I was feeling really frustrated/angry on behalf of Evan with the discourse surrounding if K asked for consent or not to fix Evan's arm was because as an autistic person, Evan reads very autistic to me. So when I see people say K asked for consent and then go back and watch the scene and the words "can I try to fix that poorly healed bone," are not explicitly said, I think about all the times I have been harmed by people being vague (both on purpose and not) and not saying what they really mean. The amount of times people have said that I gave consent for something when I very much did not, because they interpreted what I said as consent to fit their narrative and actions is much too many, and for so long people wrote it off as me being naive, turned it around on me, made it my fault when I was the one harmed, the one with my boundaries violated. Oof.
I have had this happen with malicious people and I've had it with non-malicious people, and that's important because K is not malicious, I think they just care so much that sometimes they don't know where to put all that love and care. Also, I read K as neurodivergent/could see them being neurodivergent too, so this isn't me saying they were acting like a neurotypical person, I just think that even neurodivergent people sometimes get really wrapped up communicating in their own ways and forget that for some of us our understanding of language is deeply literal and reading between the lines/interpreting our words differently than what was explicitly stated can be really, really harmful for all parties involved. (sometimes I can hurt people too with my literalism! it's not all black and white obviously)
Like I said, I feel deeply for K because deep down at their core I truly believe their actions aren't about seeing people/things as objects needing to be fixed (despite it coming off that way sometimes), I just think they see themselves as inherently worthless if they are not always using all of their energy trying to help. I get that, and how it feels like you're drowning when you're not giving yourself away to people and causes because theres too much, always too much, love and care and concern and it makes you feel like you're going to implode. One of the hardest lessons I've learned is that sometimes my need to help, to fix, to care, to give, is a little bit more about having control than it is just wanting to help. When you grow up with chronic instability you claw and scratch at anything that might anchor you, and often it's the need to feel like you have worth, you mean something to other people, and you're willing to give yourself away as long as it means you have stable footing beneath you. All of that is to say that I do not blame K (or other people with similar circumstances to mine) for having an unhealthy relationship to control, it's just that in learning so many of my actions are also attached to deep insecurity I've been allowed to finally start healing the way I deserve to heal, and I just want that for others too.
Anyway I need to get my Sam post out before the next episode because I didn't finish it and then watched last nights episode and that was a huge mistake because now I have even more I wanna write about. She is such a complex and beautiful character and every single one of her actions speaks to who she is at her core and I just wanna give her a hug. Truly feels like the peak example of being alone doesn't always mean you're lonely, and being lonely does't always mean you're alone.
anyways pls don't get mad at me I'm sorry if anything came off wrong, all I was hoping to do was explain why I was feeling the way I was in case it helps others understand why they were feeling similar/different things during that scene. Like I said, I love K, and also this wasn't slander towards anyone who isn't autistic (also autism manifests in different ways), I just realized how my experience as an autistic person with adhd always really shapes how I view the media I consume and found it illuminating in this scenario especially.
(can you tell I've been chronically misunderstood my entire life by the way I'm prematurely apologizing also people being upset with me makes my tummy hurt because I take it really personally and would rather keep the peace than hold firm to my opinion at times)
((but I mean if I said something wrong I wanna know asddfgjrlgk wow y'all are learning a whole lot about how my brain works through a lil post about dnd oops))
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