#I know at least one of the films here is “Short Time” (1990)
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world-of-advice · 1 year ago
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historianroo · 1 year ago
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a short list of historical figures who were queer: because I need people to understand that queer people have always been here.
with sources, because I am, after all, a historian.
Most of these figures are musicans, it is because I am studying to be a historical musicologist (basically a music historian).
Leonard Berenstein– (1918-1990) Composer, conductor, musician. Known for his musical West Side Story. Most likely a gay man, perhaps bisexual. While there are plenty of letters and first hand confirmations that exist, this Guardian article conveys the information well enough.
Pytor Illich Tchaikovsky– (1840-1892) Russian composer, best known for his ballets: Swan Lake, and the Nutcracker, as well as his 1812 Overture, which features canon fire (and has become a meme on Tumblr). A gay man, as confirmed by multiple historians that have dedicated their life to his research, and by me, who spent a few weeks translating letters that talk about his love for men and his fear of what that would do to his life. This article talks about John Wiley (a historian) had to say about it.
Benjamin Britten– (1913-1976) Known for his vocal compositions, if you are an english classically trained vocalist you know Britten's compositions. Known especially for his War Requiem and his opera Peter Grimes. He and fellow musician Peter Pears had a long lived relationship. This article speaks about it more.
Ethel Smyth– (1857-1944) A lifelong disrupter, demanded (rightly so) for people to listen to her music in a time where women were not given the space to compose. A lesbian who fought for the right for women to perform and be a part of orchestras and conductor her own works when women conducters were few and far between. This article, written by a woman, speaks on her life well.
Francis Poulenc– (1899-1963) A Parisian man with a marked love of mostly men, but did father one daughter and dedicated a few compositions to her mother. This article speaks well on his love.
Alan Turing– (1912-1954) A gay icon of mine, Turing was a British Mathmetician and codebreaker who you have to thank for your phone and for the earlier end of the second World War. This article speaks about his life, as well as the film Imitation Game (2014) discusses it to some extent.
Freddie Mercury–(1946-1991) The beloved lead singer of the band Queen was a notourious queer icon, who had many love affairs with men but did say that he loved one woman when he was younger, for this reason, I will not say whether he was bisexual or gay. But a queer icon nonetheless. This article discusses the topic.
David Bowie– (1947-2016) A performer I have always loved and dearly miss, who is known for his bisexuality and fantastic outfits. This Billboard article discusses his sexuality. But it is important to note, that he came out as gay first, and then bisexual, which does not mean he was changing his mind or wanting to conform, but instead was becoming more comfortable with his own sexuality as he aged, something that should be a more generally accepted thing.
Leonardo da Vinci– (1452-1519) While there are guesses about this mans sexuality, it is generally believed and agreed upon that he was at least queer. While more research must be done, this article speaks on the subject well enough.
There are plenty more that I could talk about and that I want to talk about but that would take so long.
The most important thing: Queer people have always been here, and they are amazing and beautiful and deserved so much better than what history gave them.
Please reply with more (and sources) if you have them.
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iamsosmaug · 2 years ago
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Miraculous Fic Recs
Recently I've been complaining a lot on the internet how sucky the recent seasons of ML have been, and how much better the old fanfics are; I'm going to prove my point by sharing my tried-and-true rec list. Here we go.
Back To Us - Written in 2017, so some things are inaccurate. Basically Marinette, as Ladybug, kills Gabriel Agreste on accident by pushing him off the Eiffel Tower and Adrien moves to Milan. Seven years later Marinette is a rising fashion designer, her long-lost partner comes back seven years later but hot, and a new Hawkmoth shows up on the very day Adrien comes back. Suspicious. INCLUDES: Antihero!Chat. Alternate superhero names for Alya, Nino + there are only seven miraculouses which honestly I like a lot better than Ladybug just busting another one out whenever she feels like it. At one point, it was the longest fic in the fandom but now it's not even close. 446k. Requires an Ao3 account to read.
Second Chances- Again, written fairly early in the fandom. Adrien is a single dad and Alya volunteers Marinette to be his daughter's nanny - the premise sounds like it could turn out really weird but I promise it's not. Adorable adorable. INCLUDES: Past ChloexAdrien and MarinettexNathanael, and Adrien never went to school. Reverse best friends (Alya + Adrien, Mari + Nino). 105k.
Whose Woods These Are (I Think I Know) - Ladrien Cinderella AU. Super well-written in a kind of fairytale style. I honestly love this fic. 105k.
Spotty Connections - Adrienette texting fic (no miraculous AU, but does incorporate LadyNoir). Tikki & Plagg are M&A's cats. One of my favorites ever. 66k.
Film It - Adrien is a youtuber! Soon all of Twitter ships #adrienette. INCLUDES: Gabriel Agreste's A+ Parenting. Endgame Adrienette. Superheroes exist, but LB & CN aren't a huge part of this. Also worthy of note: #thatfoursome and a decent amount of Twitter formatting. This has pretty much everything I want in an Adrienette fic. 56k.
Chasing The C/h/atwalk - Project Runway AU. Marinette is a designer and Adrien... is her model. Shenanigans ensue. INCLUDES: Some LadyNoir, mostly after the identity reveal. #MarinetteInDenial. 100k. I love this fic.
Lucky Us - No Miraculous email AU. See Spotty Connections: LadyNoir incorporated without the actual superheroes. Fluff with a tiny bit of angst but still happy ending. 136k.
Secret Santa - fluff. Pure fluff; classic in the fandom. A bit cheesy and very outdated but very nice. Time for a reread. It has a sequel called New Year's Ball. 52k.
Être Majeur - horror, AU, fairly short, creepy and strange but really well-written. 24k. M for horror elements.
La Pucelle Et La Coccinelle - Absolute favorite. Explores Joan of Arc (Jeanne d'Arc in this story) with the Ladybug Miraculous. INCLUDES: Actual historical references, lore for the miraculouses, and a flashforward to the future at the end with Marinette. 38k. I have it printed out, I love it so much.
Pray For the Children You Lost Along the Way - Silent Hill AU (Emilie Anderson from the arcade game is Adrien's mom). It has been on hiatus since 2019, but is still worth a read because so many things tie together in a satisfying way. 86k. Rated M b/c of Silent Hill-type things.
Under Lock and Key - Huge classic also published on Wattpad. Author/artist collab with Maerynn & EdenDaphne - Maerynn passed away while the fic was being written and ED finished it. Very nice art by ED. I view this fic as the quintessential 2017 era Adrienette fic. Very sweet and fluffy. 34k.
Tripped at Fencing - Gabriel hits Adrien. INCLUDES: Gabriel Agreste's A+ Parenting. Accidental identity reveal (Marinette finds out first). Only 5k but a classic.
The Butterfly and Her Brother series (Generations Past and Future) - written c. 2016. Gabriel is NOT Hawkmoth; Gabriel is not a villian in the least so technically OOC. First couple are set in the 1990s, then a couple in ~2016 and the latest in like 2044. I haven't read the last one in the series but WHATHGAWAATG (Europe gets taken over), featuring the next gen of Agrestes, is really good as well. Many things are outdated/false as this was written based off of s1, but I honestly like this interpretation of the Miraculous much better than how the show does it. Mama Agreste's name is Adele (again, s1) and I quite like her character. I freaking LOVE this series. I have it downloaded to my phone and I reread it when I'm feeling sad. 340k in total, but the longest work in the series is about 166k. SO many kudos.
a fight that you were born to lose - "Adrien finds out that Gabriel is Hawkmoth, and Gabriel gets to bring his long-waited plan into action." TW abuse, emotional manipulation, forced dieting. Gabriel Agreste's A+ Parenting. Fairly short for how well-rounded it is - 17k.
An Impromptu Proposal - what it says on the tin. Reverse love square kinda: Ladynoir requited love bc Adrien never went to school. Includes identity reveal and Hawkmoth!Lila takedown. 33k.
On The Prowl - Criminal CN. Also on ffn.net. Good story and TOTALLY a classic, but also uses 'ravenette' and 'sapphire orbs' unironically. The writing is okay if a little melodramatic. 53k.
Chat Noir's White French Man Hit List For Feminist Purposes - pretty much what it says on the tin. Sentimonster!Adrien. 7.8k.
i think it's time i told you (i'm a fan of your universe) - ladynoir proposal. v v nice. Just 5k. Smidge of angst.
The Ladyblog Comment Section - what it says on the tin. 27k. Hilarity and crack.
spark - Tinder AU. Lots of Marichat. Angst with a happy ending. 49k. Slow burn w/ eventual identity reveal.
all dressed up and nowhere to go - No Miraculouses modern royalty AU - human Tikki and Plagg. Mostly DJWifi but a mild amount of adrienette and a smidge of chlogami. Includes arranged marriage Adrien x Alya but they don't end up together. "Twenty-five-year-old Marinette is a wedding dress designer, business blooming in her trusty shop, Ladybug Bridal. When the engagement of Prince Adrien Agreste and Ancient Princess Alya Césaire is announced, all she expects is an influx of work. What she gets instead is... a bit different." 35k.
tangled ribbons - Ao3. ballet/dance AU (no miraculous). Adrienette with some DJWifi and human Tikki & Plagg. "Marinette is a small studio dancer who wins a scholarship to a summer long ballet intensive. Adrien is a famous ballet dancer who would rather be at home than at said intensive. The end of the summer will bring about a showcase that could make Marinette's career, if she can ignore Chloé and focus on something other than Adrien." 82k. The slowest of burns.
Where timing is kind to us - Ao3. marichat discusses quantum physics. 4.3k. This is a beautiful one-shot with a one-sided reveal.
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rachthepoet · 7 months ago
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Matilda Analysis
A poignant narrative delving into themes of self-liberation, healing from past traumas, and a journey toward healthy love for the sake of oneself and nobody else. It's a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, delivered in an intimate and comforting atmosphere soundtracked by gentle instrumentation. This eloquent reminder to whoever needs to hear that it's never too late to seek the love you deserve and cultivate a life filled with joy and acceptance. Even if one must do so independently and abundantly.
The listener may not know the character of Matilda personally, but they know of her intuitively, anybody who can spare a few minutes to listen is invited in miraculously, as the song's configuration allows. And, what waits inside for those who venture? Harry sitting with his guitar, a concerned friend right as you need someone to be.
Here's a deep dive into Harry Styles' Matilda, from a poet.
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Roald Dahl's 'Matilda' + Harry's Take
Roald Dahl (1916-1990) was a British novelist, short-story writer, poet, and screenwriter. He has composed many children's books, and has been bestowed the title of "one of the greatest storytellers for children of the 20th century". His knack was for writing children's books interlaced with rather dark, adult themes — like 'Matilda'.
If you didn't grow up with the book and/or haven't had the chance to read it, here is a summary for a bit more familiarity, which will lead to a more engaged discussion here! But, also, if you're familiar with the 1996 film, as many are, you should be just fine! As mentioned before, much of Dahl's works covered much darker themes. The children's book 'Matilda' speaks clearly of the following: emotional and physical abuse, tyranny, misogyny, scamming, attachment theory, and, the most obvious, child abuse and neglect.
In short, attachment theory believes that every child needs to form a relationship with at least one primary caregiver to develop, healthily, emotionally and socially. In 'Matilda', our main character lacks that primary caregiver until she meets Miss Honey. The impact of Miss Honey's warmth, care, and understanding on Matilda is so grand that trust is built (she reveals her telekinesis power to Miss Honey) and leads to a happy ending, as Matilda's attachment to Miss Honey wins over the weaker attachment of her parents — and Matilda moves in with Miss Honey, finding a loving and caring home/family at last.
Now it's time to circle it back to Harry's Matilda. I believe that Harry has taken on the role of Miss Honey as a complementary to the subject to whom he's disguised as quote-en-quote "Matilda" — a stylistic choice I have no doubt was heavily influenced by Dahl's tale. Not only is Harry a friend giving advice and refuge, but also a welcoming sense of care and a second home, which further ties into the third album's theme as a whole — debates of a house versus a home, and what home means to a person.
In the song Matilda, Harry alludes to similar situations, with direct connections to attachment theory and child abuse/neglect. As the audience solely, we don't know the specifics of the problem, but these are the main issues I grasp from the lyrics alone. Roald Dahl's Matilda, as told in the book, has much intellectual prowess — she's too smart, almost an adult in a child's body, most likely an effect of her circumstances' cause. Yet, set aside the knowledge of her adventurous nature and wits, there's no clear yes or no to answer if Matilda needs comfort. For she never cries, adamantly refusing to do so, and never seems to show weakness. She's too smart for that, after all. The single time she outright exhibits sadness about not feeling the love from her parents is when she's four and confiding in the librarian. I'm going somewhere, by the way, I promise you.
With Harry's Matilda in Matilda, lots of the same traits resurface. An adventurous spirit and a bright mind, but also the tendency to keep sucking it up and not letting one fall to tenderness, because it's been perceived in the brain as a weakness. None of what happened seemed wrong to her until a certain point. This is, apparently, no big deal, or so she says. Harry's Matilda speaks of her experiences like it's nothing at all, but it's everything. She's mighty like her fictional character namesake, so bright and lively that she can light up even the darkest days.
Upon a delicate, sadly playful melody of strings, Harry takes on the role of a friend but also a caregiver to show love to his character of Matilda. The Miss Honey, as alluded to before. In Matilda, Harry makes it a point to show Matilda the love she never received from those who should've given it freely. He expresses that, while none of this is his business, he's been thinking about it in concern. He tells her that she can start a family that will love her, will care for her, and there's nothing to be sorry for. With a wide, bright smile and a sharp mind, Matilda, you can let it go, and you don't have to be sorry for doing so. Let us show you what healthy love feels like.
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Lyric Pull Apart
[VERSE 1] You were riding your bike to the sound of "It's No Big Deal" And you're trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels Nothing 'bout the way you were treated ever seemed especially alarming till now So you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal
You were riding your bike to the sound of "It's No Big Deal" / And you're trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels: Here a little scene is set, and provides the listener with so much context and information. It's an idyllic childhood moment to picture, riding a bike, but there are cracks already. Cracks in a carefree childhood, cracks in what should've been. The line to the sound of "It's No Big Deal" had people frantically searching for a song to connect, but, from the language used, I never thought of it that way. Rather, it's the soundtrack of dismissiveness, instigated by those Matilda is surrounded with. There isn't a soundtrack of laughter or encouragement, but rather a shrug. It's in the frame of something heard, not something spoken, or, extending, something felt. To the details, the image of the bike is given as those old two wheels — tired, worn, maybe even inadequate. Strong symbolism there.
Then, trying to lift off the ground gives many implications and layered feelings. There's the literal, with a kid trying to play about and do cool tricks, alone on their old bike, maybe dangerous tricks, leaning into the absent parental presence, and maybe seeking attention. There's the symbolic, the imaginative, the evoking of childhood nostalgia and yearning. There's the metaphorical, to fly, rising above where they are stuck, an ache to escape.
Nothing 'bout the way you were treated ever seemed especially alarming till now / So you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal: Those who've experienced trauma may feel or are told that their mistreatment is normal, and/or they shouldn't be the ones to complain because others have it worse. Therefore, they won't speak out because their minds have been conditioned that their issues are nothing to speak of. An internalization. But, as distance and time are gained away from the situation, realization becomes stronger than internalization.
Then, So you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal curates a heartbreaking image of Matilda, self-sufficient and positive because she had to be, tying up her hair with a smile because she never saw the way she was treated as anything but status quo. It's a tragic echoing of the first line of the verse and also parallels Dahl's Matilda with the ribbon in her hair. It relates to the idea of putting on a mask, covering something up by pretending like everything is fine. Matilda, maybe, doesn't want to burden him with her problems and repeats rehearsed mantras in place of it. But, he sees straight through this, and the speaker assures Matilda that she doesn't have to hide, for he's there to listen and care.
And then we get another heartbreaking image, of Matilda as self-sufficient and positive, tying up her hair with a smile because she never saw the way she was treated as anything but normal, and a tragic echo of the first line, where she smiles “like it’s no big deal” - because it’s all she’s heard, the sound of her parents saying it’s no big deal, and she believes them.
[CHORUS] You can let it go You can throw a party full of everyone you know And not invite your family 'cause they never showed you love You don't have to be sorry for leavin' and growin' up, mmm
But the chorus is telling Matilda directly: you can let it go. It's so comforting and beautiful. He is reassuring the character of Matilda that she can drop the smile and acknowledge the inevitable pain caused (see verse 2), and then let it go and let herself grow. It's a gentle, validating way of saying that she didn't deserve the pain back then and doesn't deserve to hold onto it now. The speaker suggests that Matilda, and by extension the listener, has the power to create a new life for herself — one filled with people who have genuine care for her and those who provide the love that has been missing. Attachment theory.
You can throw a party full of everyone you know and not invite your family 'cause they never showed you symbolizes a break from the past and the forging of a new path defined by one's autonomy. Her family, the site of all of this complication and guilt and hurt, whom she now acknowledges caused her pain and never showed her the love she deserved. But now she can go out and seek that love. A reminder to Matilda that she can seek happiness elsewhere and build a chosen family based on love and respect.
Then, the ending line, You don't have to be sorry for leavin' and growin' up, is so important. When trying to extract oneself from an abusive environment, the blame will be twisted and put on the victim. They might try and make Matilda a stranger as a repercussion for her spreading her wings and thriving in the absence of their negative influence. And, here, the speaker is reassuring Matilda that you don't have to feel sorry for leaving and growing up. And, the language choice is interesting, for saying growing up akins it automatically to something natural, something that's bound to happen. Something you shouldn't feel guilty over. He says to Matilda that she should never feel apologetic for her growth.
[VERSE 2] Matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright But I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead inside You showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days It's none of my business, but it's just been on my mind
Matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright / But I know you feel like a piece of you's dead inside: This is the only time within the song that there's a direct address to Matilda, although there's an underlying assumption that the song is being spoken to her throughout. This direct address serves a purpose though, as I believe it amplifies the words that follow it, you talk of the pain like it's all alright. While verse 1 framed Matilda as a child, this verse (verse 2) frames Matilda as an adult. She is doing the same thing, the same coping mechanisms, that were instilled in her when she was a child — "it's no big deal" and "it's all alright".
Closely followed by but I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead inside is where the speaker, in one of the few lines in the song to reference an "I", acknowledges Matilda's pain for her. He makes it known that he can see the pain that she's in, even as she tries to dismiss it. It also acknowledges a major recognition of the loss of self due to this past trauma and pain.
You showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days: This line is just so gorgeous. I have such love in my heart for it. And I feel like many overlook the intention with the word choice, which lends to its touching nature. Choosing the words you showed me a power versus you are the sunshine in the darkest days (or something along those lines) changes the meaning, and makes more of a splash. The meaning shifts from you are sunshine, you are goodness, you deserve to be loved — which is not without its own lovely connotation, of course — to being around you, you radiate this energy and you can teach other people how to love.
In companionship to what's been told about Matilda, to imply that she has this power to bring the sun to the darkest days, to teach someone how to find the sun in their darkest days when she has experienced dark days... it's beautiful. And it's so important to notice that detailed difference and reiterates the notion that as sad of a song as Matilda is, it's also incredibly empowering.
It's none of my business, but it's just been on my mind: And then, the speaker takes a step back. It's not about his experience, and he acknowledges that separation, but does not withdraw his care or concern. It's none of my business is a delicate way to respect Matilda's boundaries regarding her past and the choice of what her relationships look like. He doesn't want to tell Matilda what to do and deny her agency, for then he would become just another one of the people who mistreat her. But it's just been on my mind illustrates the care of the speaker once more, a complement to what precedes it and to the song entirely.
"It's a weird one, because with something like this, it's like, 'I want to give you something, I want to support you in some way, but it's not necessarily my place to make it about me because it's not my experience.' Sometimes it's just about listening. I hope that's what I did here. If nothing else, it just says, 'I was listening to you'." — Harry Styles
[CHORUS ADD ON VARIATION 1] You can let it go You can throw a party full of everyone you know And not invite your family 'cause they never showed you love You don't have to be sorry for leavin' and growin' up You can see the world, following the seasons Anywhere you go, you don't need a reason 'Cause they never showed you love You don't have to be sorry for doin' it on your own
This is the first variation on and second iteration of the chorus, and it hits on the same themes as the first iteration. The first new line is You can see the world, following the seasons. Matilda can leave, not just her family but where she's from, and she still doesn't owe her family justification or reasons. The latter comes from the following anywhere you go, you don't need a reason. The sentiment is continued by the line you don't have to be sorry for doin' it on your own which is the repeated parallel to the previous you don't have to be sorry for leavin' and growin' up. It's so good. In one sense, it applies to the lines immediately preceding it — you don't have to be sorry for traveling and seeing the world on your own. Yet, because of the repetition, there's this parallel created that also refers to growing up. Matilda doesn't have to be sorry for growing up on her own. A grand acknowledgment that Matilda raised herself, and that comes with both sorrow and pride. The sorrow that she had to raise herself alone, but the pride that she is who she is as an adult because of herself.
[BRIDGE] You're just in time, make your tea and your toast You framed all your posters and dyed your clothes, ooh You don't have to go You don't have to go home Oh, there's a long way to go I don't believe time will change your mind In other words, I know they won't hurt you anymore As long as you can let them go
This whole ballad is truly a tour de force, but the bridge is the one to knock me off my feet every time. Much like Harry has done for the listeners with 'Harry's House', the speaker invites Matilda into his home. In the song's case, both literally and metaphorically.
You're just in time, make your tea and your toast: Tea and toast is such a cozy and homey image, and indicates this welcoming, specificity in welcoming into routines, like a fresh pot of tea and a nice piece of toast in the middle of the afternoon. There's no push or rush, as indicated with the you're just in time, as it was and will always be based upon Matilda's timeline. It's a sense of found family and a safe place to land after she's previously seen the world, followed the seasons, and all that. Welcome home, welcome to the party, welcome to the place where you can be you without begging for the allowance to do so.
You framed all your posters and dyed your clothes: I think this is a beautiful way to signify that somebody grew, focusing on the smaller details. But, additionally, there's a full circle moment, calling back to childhood — experiencing the small joys she never had the chance to, as her childhood was spent in a survival state. You framed all your posters and made this new house a home with favorite things from your childhood, now with an added sense of sophistication that was missing previously. You dyed your clothes, changing them to better fit a new stage of life. Parts of Matilda's childhood can be brought into adulthood with her, and reinvented to be rid of the negative connotations that may still be attached. You can let it go.
You don't have to go / You don't have to go home: The speaker reintroduces himself in the song to speak and bring more reassurance to Matilda, with nurturing and welcoming at the forefront. You don't have to go away from where we've invited you, Matilda, with your favorite teas and the way you like your toast, you don't have to go away from this place of people who love you for you. You don't have to go home reminds Matilda that she doesn't have to go back to the people and place she cut ties with, and that's okay. the use of the word home has intrigued me for quite a while, but I think it indicates that Matilda is still presently on the journey to let go of her past.
Oh, there's a long way to go / I don't believe time will change your mind / In other words, I know they won't hurt you anymore / As long as you can let them go: These last lines of the bridge importantly acknowledge the journey — not just of life, and not just the growing up and traveling and exploring — of healing. It's a bittersweet moment here, gently saying there's a long way to go. It isn't solved, it isn't over — for nothing ever is packaged up that neatly in reality. I don't believe time will change your mind, to me, is him saying that it won't be as simple as letting time fall between her and what happened. A lot of blood and tears is going to have to be shed to truly get to the point where it's not a constant background ache. Leading into, I know they won't hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go. Matilda, you need to give yourself permission to let this all go, both the situation and the facade you've been putting on. Let yourself feel, then let it go.
[CHORUS ADD ON VARIATION 2] You can let it go You can throw a party full of everyone you know You can start a family who will always show you love You don't have to be sorry for doin' it on your own You can let it go You can throw a party full of everyone you know You can start a family who will always show you love You don't have to be sorry, no
The shift in the final chorus can be undetectable if the listener isn't paying attention. But, once it's caught, it's impossible to miss again. This is a second variation of the chorus, on its third iteration. In the earlier verse of the chorus, the third line was And not invite your family 'cause they never showed you love. But, after Matilda has worked to let them go, it evolves to You can start a family who will always show you love — highlighting the beauty of found family, a family of choice. And with this evolution in the chorus, the meaning of doin' it on your own has changed, because rather than a reference to growing up or leaving and traveling, but starting a family, one who will love you, and Matilda has done it with her own autonomy. It's the next step on the road to healing, and there's always this reassurance that Matilda can do this on her own. He gives the power back to her and puts it in her palms, for she is strong and she is resilient.
Therefore, the whole message, the thesis statement of the song, lies in the final line: you don't have to be sorry. The song of Matilda is a conversation between her and the speaker, and in response to her unspoken guilt. In the various forms and layers, the repeated lyrics and parallels, context stacked on context, the listener — us, the spectators — is enveloped in the depth of Matilda and her journey. But, in that final line, all specificities and complexities are stripped, to simply conclude it all: you don't have to be sorry, let go of the guilt, and you can be happy.
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Matilda left me reeling in a puddle of tears on the first listen, and my emotions are instigated with each listen after. Pieces that send me into a wave of emotions set off a green light, they'll always be my favorite. In a way, Harry has become our Ms. Honey in times we've felt like Matilda, gifted us a chosen family with those who bond over his music. Much like this song, beautiful and evocative it is.
A grand indicator of a great writer is the ability to write so deeply about experiences not necessarily connected to them and their own experience. The times where Harry is the 'outside looking in, narrator of other people's experiences' songwriter has always been something I admire, and the songs I find the most intriguing to study. There's a full narrative, and we are brought into the same emotions Matilda was experiencing at the moment, therefore fully enveloping us in the story. I don't know, you just feel it. And I love that you just feel it.
And he takes such care and consideration with this delicate story. He doesn't have to name them specifically or be overbearing with identifying details, but cleverly uses well-known themes of the Dahl children's book to explore feelings and show understanding. It's a warm song full of strength and bursting with love. A seldom promise to always be there and understanding to a friend who's felt alone and misunderstood in a time when they should've been heard. Making sure they know their power and the power of care and nurturing. And Harry, in Harry's House, will always show you love.
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dedicated to this anon <3
Thank you for reading, you’re absolutely incredible! If there are any songs you’d like me to make an analysis of, please send your request to my inbox! along with any questions or insights you might have yourself!
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ameliatheamazing · 1 year ago
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here’s what i think the birthdays are of everyone in the study group (and how i came to my conclusions)
troy: december 4th 1989
this is canon. easy
jeff: november 20th 1974
had to do some digging for this one. in s2e15 we see jeff’s drivers license, which lists his birthday as 11-20-1971. in G.I. Jeff (s5e11) it’s shown again, but his thumb is covering the exact year because ‘71 is now wrong. since he’s turning 40 in 2014 he would’ve been born in ‘74. nice save on the animators’ part. The episode aired on april 3rd but I guess it takes place in november, the time frame of s5 is really up in the air.
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abed: march 24th 1989
for his birth date i just used the air date of his birthday episode. the year was tricky bc there’s debate about his age but here’s my reasoning. we know he’s at least 21 in mixology certification. we can assume he’s around the same age as troy and annie just bc it would be weird if he wasn’t. like also in season 1 jeff and britta are compared to his parents, and that would be weird if he was nearly as old as them. so i decided he’s turning 22 in critical film studies which means he’s 20 when he starts college. this makes sense because like troy, he had to repeat a grade in elementary school (1st grade- robin vohlers says this in s2e17), and then he probably waited a year before going to greendale just because. he’s drinking (slightly) underage in communication studies. so yeah long story short he’s basically the same age as troy. can you tell i’ve thought about this a lot
britta: october 14th 1980
in the pilot abed says she’s 28 years old, birthday in october. I decided she has the same birthday as me bc why not. she gives libra energy
annie: december 30th 1990
ok this was kind of the hardest one here bc at first her birthday made no sense. she’s 18 in season 1, 19 in season 2 as of mixology certification. but we also know she was born in 1990. (she says these 2 things in like the same scene.) so for that to work her birthday has to be in that window between december 4th and 31st. i decided she’s a capricorn which kinda makes sense (i don’t really put too much stock into zodiac signs, but it’s fun to consider with this stuff)
shirley: june 1972
we never see shirley or annie’s birthdays mentioned or celebrated so it makes sense for them to be over school breaks. and gemini works for shirley. i don’t think she ever has an exact age in the show but I decided she’s about 2 years older than jeff, 37 when the show starts.
pierce: late november 1944
bro he’s so old. in mixology certification he says his birthday was last week. and at the end of season 1 he’s “66, dick.”
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iviarellereads · 2 years ago
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A query!
We're coming up on the end of Harrow and about to start Nona the Ninth. Nona will wrap some time in July, but I like to have a lot of lead time to settle the details of projects, so here's a question for everyone following here:
Do you think there's a book or book series that would benefit from this kind of close read, looking for references, foreshadowing, and theme?
(I'm not looking for book recs generally, this is specific to this blog's format. And ideally I want to read something at least slightly lesser known, not the big 4 or 5 names of cishet white dudes that get thrown around whenever someone asks for recs.)
As I say in my first, pinned post, I've done the Wheel of Time in this format for some friends and shared the rough cut notes with a few Discord servers focused around that series. It wouldn't be a particular hardship to reread and refine those notes for posting here. Indeed, the Wheel of Time and the Locked Tomb have a lot of DNA in common, and not just the chapter icons. It would be the easy answer, and I think a lot of TLT fans would find that they enjoy WOT more than they expect to based on the premise. An epic fantasy political saga that takes place across a whole continent, told significantly from women's points of view within the world (after the first book which is 80% one dude), written by a man who was trying, in the 1990s, to upend misogyny without quite understanding what misogyny was. It's imperfect, but incredible, and his setup/payoff, foreshadowing, and worldbuilding have some great and terrible lessons to be taken into the next generation of epic fantasy. This would be my fourth time through the series and I wouldn't regret or resent it.
But, I've also considered doing this for other stories. Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials, Naomi Novik's Scholomance (recent as they are, they've stuck in my head as examinations of chosen hero and fated villain tropes). Perhaps something like Michael Ende's The Neverending Story, or get real meta with William Goldman's The Princess Bride, in conversation with its genre trappings and the film adaptation, or John Scalzi's Redshirts, in conversation with the Star Trek franchise.
Then there are the books I don't feel qualified to examine in my way, or that I feel my particular analysis would fall short of doing justice to. I'm not so well versed in any mythology to address any of the various, wide-ranging modern takes we've seen of particularly Greek mythology in recent decades. A lot of stories don't have as much in the way of long-term arc foreshadowing or references to pop culture for me to feel confident interpreting in this format. And then, some stories like Becky Chambers's Monk and Robot which is both too short and too self-explanatory, there's little for someone like me to add.
There are stories I'd love to deep dive into one chapter at a time for indulgence's sake, but wouldn't necessarily add much value to the series unless you count detailed chapter summaries existing.
So, I ask the people who have come to see my format: what do you think I should deep read next? Can you think of a series that fits my vibe better than my thoughts above? Let me know in the replies or an ask!
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The Walt Disney Home Video logo that wouldn't leave...
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While the image of Sorcerer Mickey in this pose, with his hand out, next to the words "Walt Disney Home Video" had existed in print form since at least 1980, the motion graphic logo the lot of us '90s-borns all know wouldn't debut until September 1986. It first appeared on a random assortment of live-action Disney movies that hit shelves at the time, such as TEN WHO DARED and NO DEPOSIT, NO RETURN. Many more tapes released for a then-massive "Bring Disney Home For Good" campaign followed in mid-October, many of these releases containing this iconic logo... Some of these releases included the first ever volume of "Disney's Sing Along Songs", a couple of classic cartoon short compilations, and a clipshow called JIMINY CRICKET'S CHRISTMAS.
And Disney's home video department would keep it in circulation for a looooooong time in North America...
By early 1995, it was but gone internationally. All of the international arms of Disney's home media division replaced the Sorcerer Mickey intro with this rather cutesy, childlike "Disney Videos" logo that - to my knowledge - made maybe a fleeting appearance here in the states.
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Here in the states (and Canada, too), the Sorcerer Mickey logo stuck around for a bit...
By the middle of 1992, the much simpler gold WDHV logo was more commonplace on VHS openings:
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And yet, the older, longer logo was still in use... Sometimes it would be on the same tape as the gold logo!
The logo's appearances began dwindling by the mid-1990s.
In 1994, the logo would appear on all the first Masterpiece Collection releases, before the proper Masterpiece Collection logo was created and immediately showed up afterwards. (For example, I have two VHSes of the SNOW WHITE release. My September 1994 printing has the Masterpiece logo, and that was a month before release date.) Was the logo an eleventh-hour decision or something? THE RETURN OF JAFAR has the '86 logo, too, I think this is the only direct-to-video animated film to have it.
By 1995, it seemed like the destination for the Sorcerer Mickey intro was Sing Along Songs volumes, compilations of episodes from various Disney TV Animation series, that series about the puppy SPOT, and random WINNIE THE POOH VHS tapes. Almost as if it became synonymous with those titles and lines. You also had some sorta-kinda Cartoon Classics VHSes, like "Mickey Loves Minnie" and "Sweetheart Stories"... That stuff came out from '95 to '97... Masterpiece Collection tapes sometimes used the gold WDHV logo, sometimes they didn't. Ditto live-action movies and other releases. A few Sing Along Songs releases, titled "Collection of All-Time Favorites", debuted in 1997 featuring the logo but with the Sing Along Songs intro music playing over it.
Surprisingly, in 1998, the Sorcerer Mickey intro showed up on the Masterpiece VHS of MELODY TIME. And even more surprisingly, on the VHS of RODGERS AND HAMMERSTEIN'S CINDERELLA, the TV movie starring Brandy. (In fact, there's an upload of a TV airing of this movie well after it had initially aired on ABC. The channel broadcasting it ripped the film from the VHS, so it opens with the WDHV logo.) It also appeared on a Sing Along Songs volume called "Happy Haunting Party at Disneyland!" Disney also had the home video license to SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK at this time, a couple volumes released around this time have it too.
In 1999, a re-release of A WALT DISNEY CHRISTMAS had it, in addition to the Sing Along Songs volume "Flik's Musical Adventure".
In 2000, A WALT DISNEY CHRISTMAS would see a re-issue of sorts that had it as well, plus the re-issues of a series of WINNIE THE POOH VHS tapes called "Storybook Classics".
Lo and behold, the logo made one last appearance in 2001, but this seemed to be by accident?
Two Sing Along Songs titles were re-issued that year, the 'Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah' volume (which was the very first title in the line, all the way back in 1986) and 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'. The former seemed to cut-and-paste the Sorcerer Mickey intro from the 1986 VHS release, as it still uses the "presents" byline that sparkles in below the logo. Weirder still, an ooooold bumper for the series with Ludwig von Drake as the announcer is on this tape, too. A real cut-and-paste job for a 2001 release. Whereas the Christmas one seems to have cut-and-paste the WDHV logo from the 1993/94 release, which arrives after a series of early 2000s previews and bumpers. It's surreal seeing that logo share a tape with the surround sound-like "Feature Presentation" bumper of the era.
Someone at Walt Disney Home Entertainment must've really wanted to keep this logo around!
It even made appearances on DVDs (!) in 2006 (!!)... But, in the case of one DVD release, this seems to be by mistake. MY DOG, THE THIEF, after you click play movie on the menu, begins with this logo. It must've been left on, suggesting that this was a rip from the then-latest VHS of the title. Some of the Sing Along Songs tapes saw DVD re-issues in 2006 as well, and some of their programs begin with this logo. Almost as if it's treated as part of the overall program, even though it's merely a general home video intro that appeared before several other movies, shows, and titles...
But perhaps the weirdest appearance of this logo in the 2000s...
Was at Disney Parks resorts...
Back in the mid-to-late 2000s, TVs in the parks' resort hotel rooms had something of a hidden channel. It was like, 99 or something, if you kept flipping. You'd be brought to a nonstop loop of classic Disney short cartoons, and this was a trip to see! I saw some shorts for the first time via this channel, such as ALPINE CLIMBERS and THE AUTOGRAPH HOUND. But, watch it a little more... And you saw this logo show up!
Before what, you may ask? The Disney Sing Along Songs volume 'Heigh Ho!'
It took me by surprise when I saw it on that channel, while staying in Walt Disney World in April 2007... That was just all kinds of wild to me!
Elsewhere, a channel called Fearnet would sometimes air the live-action television film MR. BOOGEDY, complete with the Sorcerer Mickey WDHV logo attached. MR. BOOGEDY was never given a VHS release here in America, so I assume Fearnet sourced the movie from a UK VHS release.
It just lingered and lingered... For a good reason, though, it is the probably *the* logo that is synonymous with Disney VHS tapes for Americans around my age.
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eurovision-revisited · 7 months ago
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Eurovision 2005 - Number 46 - Анитa Цой - "Ла-ла-лей"
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This is going to be a tough one for two reasons. First, and least importantly by far, the YouTube video link above has a thirty second gap in the song at about two minutes in. I have no idea why - but the only other version I've found is from a short film and has all sorts of other non-song things going on that are even more distracting.
Secondly, Анитa Цой/Anita Tsoy has wholeheartedly supported the Russian invasion of Ukraine. She's performed at the various concerts in Russia given to support the attack and is even a member of the United Russia party. Even as far back as 2020, she starred in a music video that supported Belarusian leader Alexander Lukashenko at the height of the mass protests against him over the highly disputed election results. She has been sanctioned by both Ukraine and Latvia, and is on Ukraine's list of corrupt officials and warmongers for her efforts to support Russia's military in Ukraine. She is married to Sergei Tsoy, not only head of the Russian Karate Federation, but also a Vice-President in Rosneft. She's as establishment as she can possibly be.
Anita's whole life seems to have been political to one extent or another. She's the grand-daughter of a Korean immigrant who was the victim of Stalin's deportation of ethnically Korean Soviet citizens to Uzbekistan in 1937. Her mother was branded a class enemy in the 1970s for supporting Andrei Sakharov and was imprisoned in a mental hospital/sanitorium resulting in permanent disabilities.
Her singing career is long and started in the mid 1990s with rock music - she modelled her music on Kino, possibly Russia's most famous and popular band ever. Her second album singled a shift to more mainstream pop, which was big enough worldwide for her to have performed a series of dates in the USA. In 2003, she shifted genres again, with an emphasis on dance music. After the album in 2003, she stopped recording owing to rampant piracy of her music. Instead she started performing more, both charity concerts (notably in support of the victims of the massacre at Beslan in 2004) but also here at Evrovidenie.
Ла-ла-лей (La-La-Ley) is precisely what non-Eurovision listeners might think Eurovision music sounded like in 2005. Lots of la-la-las, party, good-times girl-boppage from a known artist having fun. It is generic and lacks edge, but it's competently produced and performed toe-tapping generica. She knows what she's about here. It incorporates a few flavours of traditional Russia in the chanting that opens the songs, as well as the looped balalaika riff, and dramatic minor sweeps on the synth that seem to conjure symphonic memories of Russian composers past.
The calculated mix of safe modern and traditional elements didn't help. This garnered only six per cent of the televote and it finished in seventh place of the nine songs in semi-final three. The Russian public were in the mood for something angrier. La-la-ley was not that.
Before I move on from Anita, lets not forget that just as with Ukraine's selection competition, Evrovidenie took place with the Orange Revolution as a back-drop. The semi-finals ran from the 4th February 2005, starting two weeks after Viktor Yushchenko was inaugurated as President of Ukraine, the event which concluded the revolution.
The heady mix of traditional and modern is why this song is in my top sixty-four, but just because a song is an innocent, and mildly compulsive dance song with a fun video and TV series tie-in, it doesn't mean that what's going on behind the scenes isn't malign. It's an important lesson to learn. Don't take anything in national finals nor Eurovision itself at face value.
2005 is a much more controversial year than it initially appears. It's a year in which much of modern Eurovision's geopolitical importance was set despite the EBUs avowed non-political stance. It's a year in which various countries began to state openly that biases were evident in the voting. It's a year that destroyed careers and provoked internal disputes. It's the year Eurovision began seriously ripping itself apart. Brace yourselves.
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compghos · 1 year ago
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i woke up this morning feeling very unmotivated and followed that up with a very long afternoon nap so it's a one photo kind of day (the sunset, as seen through my dorm window). here's a short review i wrote for the film "Dark Angel" or "I Come in Peace" (1990) today -
who in the world picked i come in peace as the us release name instead of dark angel??? i greatly enjoyed Stone Cold so i decided to check this one out too, and its a little worse but still extremely Cool and very very late 80s - early 90s. everything is soaked in these deep shimmering purples and blues and reds, very typical for the era but so overboard that it makes for an especially nice visual treat. the whole movie is basically just this big norwegian alien guy with a brain sucker going around blowing things up and sucking brains, and then dolph lundgren and his buddy cup show up to blow a few more things up and pout. everyone does a lot of cool spin kicks and there's at least one random unnecessarily homophobic slur so again you know it's extremely of its time. special shoutout to the tweaker scientist and the stoner dude at the convenience store that gets fucked up
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lostcryptids · 1 year ago
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I watch a lot and i still don't think i have like a lot of amazing ones, but, I will list a few i enjoyed :-) So yeah if anyone has any recs please let me know..i feel like i watch a lot of mediocre ones LOL. Triangle (2009): I reallllyyy enjoyed this movie. I think it's pretty underrated because I don't hear much talk about it. One of my favorite time loop movies 12:01 (1990): Not a full film, there is a full film from 1993, but it's more comedic, this is a short film and you can watch it here. But if you like the idea, the full film is worth at least a look Source Code (2011): I can hardly remember the plot of this movie but i remember liking it, it just has a fun crazy plot going on. More time travel/similar movies that aren't fully time loop movies: Predestination 2014 Time Lapse 2014 Coherence 2013 The Butterfly Effect 2004 The Jacket 2005 Bed of the Dead 2016......not a movie you'd think was about time travel but it is Crown jewel: Time Freak 2018, crazy ass movie, just watch it
back on my time loop movie bullshit
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gukyi · 4 years ago
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the art of the rom-com | jjk
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summary: FILM395, the art of the rom-com, was supposed to be an easy a with one of your favorite professors, but it’s not. it’s actually a sisyphean torture that comes in the form of fellow film student jeon jungkook, who has no problem responding to every one of your discussion posts about the consumerist ideals underlying every romance movie with his own paragraphs on the beauty of love like the hopeless romantic he is. and when the two of you find yourselves partnered up for your final project, which is to create a short film on rom-coms, jungkook decides to take it upon himself to show you what love is really like.
{enemies to lovers!au, college!au}
pairing: film major!jungkook x film major!reader (female) genre: fluff, comedy, slight angst, this is literally a rom-com in fic form word count: 33k warnings: college alcohol consumption, discussion board posts, emotionally constipated characters, film major shenanigans, blonde jungkook who’s also in a hip hop dance troupe, miscommunication, if you hate rom-coms do not read this fic
a/n: i am so so so excited to share this monster of a jungkook fic (tho let’s be real, 30k is pretty standard for me now ;-;) with you all! this is basically rom-com trash, but it’s my rom-com trash, and i hope you all enjoy!
on a sadder, less exciting note: after this fic i will be taking an extended writing hiatus until at least the beginning of may. my semester is picking up and i unfortunately just don’t currently have any upcoming fics planned for you guys. i hope you understand!! maybe i’ll do a couple of ask games here and there to see if anything piques my interest, but other than that please do not expect major works of writing for a while. love you all!
500 Days of Summer is a movie you all have probably seen before. That being said, I encourage you to respond to this discussion board from a film perspective as opposed to a viewer’s perspective. How did 500 Days of Summer alter the classic narrative of boy-meets-girl? Do you think it was a smart move, on the parts of Webb, Neustadter, and Weber, to do so? Why or why not?
Jeon Jungkook on February 12th at 9:53PM
I thought that the change in the boy-meets-girl narrative that had been popularized by rom-coms of the 1990s definitely contributed to his popularity and its attractiveness towards viewers in general. The film makes it clear that the story does not have a so-called happy ending, but despite that, it still brings into discussion the idea of love and soulmates and true connection. And that’s important, because despite the film’s not-so-happy ending, it makes it a point to emphasize that those things are real. That love is real. I thought it was an excellent move on the parts of the writers and director, because they both broke standards in terms of happy endings in rom-coms and they stayed true to the message at hand. 
Y/N Y/L/N on February 12th at 10:29PM
I have to disagree with Jungkook. It’s obvious the movie is not going to have a happy ending because Tom is so obsessed with the version of Summer he has created in his head that he doesn’t even see who the real girl is anymore. It doesn’t have a happy ending not because they weren’t soulmates, or because their love wasn’t right. They break up because what Tom wants and what Summer wants are fundamentally different, and Tom just can’t accept the fact that Summer doesn’t love him the way he wants her to. In a desperate quest to keep her, though, he manifests this version of her and replaces the actual Summer with it, ultimately destroying their relationship. How could viewers ever have faith that Tom would eventually get his happy ending if the only proof of his commitment to relationships they have is him manufacturing a different girl to fall in love with?
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When you walk into class, Jeon Jungkook is already there. 
He sits in the front row, the seat closest to the door in your puny little classroom, much too small for twenty-students to fit comfortably, let alone watch movies on the pull-down projector screen above the chalkboard. You’re convinced he’s chosen that seat just so he can grin at you whenever you walk in the room, always later than him because apparently, he has nothing better to do with his time than show up to class early and smirk at you when you arrive. 
As you shuffle past his seat towards your own—second row, middle of the room, centered with the lecturer’s podium—with your usual scowl drawn neatly across your face, Jungkook says, overly bright and cheery, “Good morning, Y/N.”
The sound of his voice alone is enough to make your nose scrunch up in further disgust. “Shut up,” you grumble back, stuffing yourself into your chair and pulling out your laptop. One row in front of you and five seats to the right, you see Jungkook chuckle. 
Glowering, you open up your Notes document for the class and try to avoid staring at Jungkook’s side profile, the way he’s slouching lazily in his seat, and what looks to be a lengthy paragraph on his computer screen, a task that proves to be particularly difficult because he happens to sit in the exact spot you have to look in order to see your professor enter the room. What the hell is he even writing, anyway?
He straightens up the moment she does, cheerful as always as she smiles at everyone. “Good morning, everyone.”
The lot of you respond with halfhearted smiles and waves. 
“I can just feel the enthusiasm radiating throughout the room,” she jokes, clenching her fists together in success. At least that gets a couple of you to laugh. “Which is great, because before we get to anything today, we’re gonna talk about the final project.”
You smile to yourself, immediately pulling up the copy of the syllabus you had downloaded to your desktop, scrolling right down to where she had outlined information about the final project in big, bolded letters. There are a lot of reasons you’ve taken this class, not the least of which is the fact that you have had Professor Pollack three times prior to this and she’s loved you in every class, but the final project was definitely one of the major selling points. 
Pollack pulls up a more detailed final project document on the projector as she steps out from behind the podium. “As you guys know, your final project is a thirty-to-forty minute short film involving rom-coms. You guys have a lot of freedom, it can be a rom-com, it could be a documentary about rom-coms, anything. It just needs to involve the topic of rom-coms somehow. I know a lot of you have actor friends who would be more than happy to have a star-crossed lovers fling or whatever. Go wild. Just keep it PG-13, because I can’t in good faith have nude bodies of your fellow college students on my screen.”
You snort to yourself. Makes you wonder how many times Pollack has seen sex scenes of college students on her screen before. Too many, probably. 
Unintentionally, your eyes drift over to Jungkook. He seems to be working on that hefty paragraph of his, typing something you assume is completely unrelated to the topic at hand and is further proof that Jungkook just doesn’t give a shit about anything involving this class. Whatever. You turn back to Pollack. 
“Good projects not only capture the essence of what a rom-com is, but also put their own twist on the story and bring into question the topics we discuss in class, like truthfulness, realistic portrayals of love, and viewer interpretation,” she continues, and with every word you feel heart beat faster in excitement. “I know you’re all excellent filmmakers. That’s why you’ve taken this class. But what I want you to do is get into the nitty-gritty of the makeup of a rom-com and distill it as much as possible. We’ll be watching them all in class during the last week. Yes, Celia?”
You all turn to look at Celia, who sits in the third row, second seat from the left. “This is a partner project, right?” 
Well. That’s the one downside. As much as you know that cooperation is an important life skill, you would much rather prefer to produce the entire movie yourself. But you love Pollack and you already know you’re on track to get a good grade in this class, so whatever. You’ll deal. 
As long as you can pick your teammate. 
“Yes,” Pollack affirms, “and with that excellent segue, I will now announce your partners.”
Shit. 
Pollack pulls out a folded piece of paper from her back pocket, like she had just come up with the arrangements on the morning train ride to campus, and begins reading. Slowly, as she ticks off names one by one, everyone begins to turn around, locking eyes with their partners and exchanging guess-it’s-us-two-huh? smiles. Everyone except—
“And lastly, Jungkook and Y/N.”
You freeze in place. You look up at your professor, eyes wide and shocked, because nobody knows better than her how much the two of you have been butting heads this entire semester. But when you meet her eyes and she smiles knowingly, shrugging her shoulders, you know you’re doomed. Hesitantly, almost like you’re scared to find out what happens when you do, you shift your gaze towards where Jungkook sits in the front right corner of the room. Only he’s not just sitting. He’s turned a full one hundred-and-eighty degrees just so he can smirk at you from across the room, a glint in his eye. 
Jungkook laughs at your cold-stone, shellshocked reaction. Like he knows how much you’ll hate this, and you know how much he’ll enjoy it. 
From here, you actually have a pretty good view of his laptop screen, brightness turned all the way up because he apparently doesn’t care who reads his screen. Or maybe he just likes showing off how much he writes so he can establish dominance over everyone else. Except you, of course. But when you look a little closer, you notice he’s got the class discussion board for the week up on his Chrome window, two paragraphs typed into the text box. 
Right above is your response to his comment. 
Is that what he was working on? His reply to your reply? Right now? He has the audacity to draft it right here, in front of you, where he knows you can see? He doesn’t even care that you’re blatantly staring at it. In fact, he actually seems to be relishing in it.
You’re so caught off guard by the contents of his computer screen that when you look back up at him on instinct, you catch a wink in your direction. 
Your fists tighten by your side. 
Class is rather uneventful after the whole partner fiasco, as Pollack transitions into your usual dose of a short lecture on the film and then a class discussion that goes absolutely nowhere because everyone is too concerned with the final project to care. Whatever you talk about, you will be hard pressed to know, because you spend the entire rest of the period scowling at the blank page of your Notes document as you try to formulate a way to convince Pollack to change your partner. Would she accept a dozen doughnuts as a bribe? A box is only ten dollars from Dunkin’.
When Pollack finally shuts her laptop screen and begins her weekly goodbye spiel, you are the first one out of the room. Hastily, you stuff your laptop into your bag, zip it up as best as you can (which means that the tops of your water bottle and umbrella are sticking out, but who cares), and shuffle out the room right as Pollack is bidding you all farewell, just so you don’t have to look at Jungkook’s stupid, smug little grin on the way out. 
Faintly, you remember Pollack saying something about getting your partner’s contact information so you can start working, but fuck that. Jungkook knows your name. He can find you. If you must spend the entire semester communicating through Instagram DMs, then so be it. You’ve communicated with men in worse ways. Like through LinkedIn.
There’s a small seating area half a flight down from where your puny little classroom is, a few tables and a bench that wraps around the wall, posters splayed out on the corkboard to the right, staples littering both the board and the floor it rests above. Nobody ever seems to use this, despite the innumerable posters advertising everything from dance troupe shows to financial literacy talks, which makes it the perfect place for you to brood and gather your thoughts. It’s also in the direct opposite direction of the exit. So that’s good.
Taking your anger out on your personal belongings (as opposed to that bitchass smirk on Jungkook’s face), you begin to shove your umbrella and water bottle into the pocket of your backpack, fighting to nestle them amongst your other worldly possessions, like your pencil case and what looks to be a small nest of receipts at the bottom of the back. No wonder it’s so clogged up down there. 
If anything gives you a sense of control, it’s cleaning. One by one, you pluck out the receipts from your bag, nose scrunching up as you try to remember every purchase you’ve made in the past three months. Plus, one of these receipts is from when you bought some dryer sheets from CVS, so that means the five inches of actual information are also accompanied by three feet of coupons that expired two weeks ago. Ugh, what a waste. 
“Don’t look so angry, you’ll have to get used to seeing this face a lot.”
You look up from where you’ve been inspecting an old receipt from a midnight McDonald’s trip to find Jungkook standing in front of you, backpack hanging loosely on his bomber jacket-clad shoulder and that same stupid grin written all over his same stupid face. 
“Can I help you?” You drawl. Great. Now Jungkook can add “saw all her receipts” to the list of embarrassing things he’s caught you doing. 
“Can I help you?” Jungkook fires back with a scoff, blonde hair bouncing as he jerks his head flippantly. “Looks like someone needs to take an Accounting class or something.”
“I’m just doing some spring cleaning,” you sneer. It’s February. “What do you want?”
“What, no ‘Hello, partner’? ‘So excited to be working with you this semester’? I’m hurt,” Jungkook says, placing a hand to his heart as he shakes his head disapprovingly. “I thought we had something good, Y/N. Isn’t that why Pollack paired us up?”
You’re pretty sure she just likes watching the world burn. 
“Don’t flatter yourself,” you chide, knowing that Jungkook already must get enough of a kick out of just seeing the annoyed look on your face. 
“Please, like I even need to. You think I don’t notice the way you stare at me during class? I know you must like what you see,” Jungkook flirts, just to be extra irritating. 
While he’s stroking his own ego, you tear off a piece of that CVS receipt, one of the expired coupons for Three Dollars Off Any Shampoo or Conditioner, and scribble your number on the back. The rest of the receipts you scoop up and dump in the trash can to your right before you zip up your backpack and hike it over your shoulder. 
“Here,” you say gruffly, shoving the paper against his chest as you head towards the stairwell. 
“How forward of you, Y/N, you know you could have just asked—”
Pausing right before you turn the corner and head out the door, you turn back to look at Jungkook, already exhausted from having to interact with him for five minutes. “And when you’re done jerking yourself off,” you say pointedly, “text me.”
You storm out the door.
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[February 13th, 1:24PM]
Unknown Number: guess who ;)
You: Wow I have NO idea You: Keanu Reeves?
Unknown Number: haha very funny Unknown Number: it’s jungkook
You: Damn shame You: You done jerking off yet
Maybe: Jungkook: what makes you think i’m not doing that right now ;)))
You: You don’t have the coordination to text me and masturbate at the same time You: What do you want
Jungkook: ouch, harsh Jungkook: can’t i just want to talk to my final project partner? :D
[February 13th, 2:17PM]
Jungkook: alright fine Jungkook: just wanna see when you wanna meet up
You: Guess I don’t have a choice do I
Jungkook: unless you wanna facetime
You: Is that an option?
Jungkook: how about friday at 3 Jungkook: in one of the greene gsrs
You: You think you can manage to reserve one of those?
Jungkook: watch me
[February 13th, 2:21PM]
Jungkook: [screenshot sent] Jungkook: done
You: Do you want a gold star for all that hard work you just did? All that manual labor? You: Fine. See you then.
Jungkook: miss you already <3
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Y/N Y/L/N on February 12th at 10:29PM
I have to disagree with Jungkook. It’s obvious the movie is not going to have a happy ending because Tom is so obsessed with the version of Summer he has created in his head that he doesn’t even see who the real girl is anymore. It doesn’t have a happy ending not because they weren’t soulmates, or because their love wasn’t right. They break up because what Tom wants and what Summer wants are fundamentally different, and Tom just can’t accept the fact that Summer doesn’t love him the way he wants her to. In a desperate quest to keep her, though, he manifests this version of her and replaces the actual Summer with it, ultimately destroying their relationship. How could viewers ever have faith that Tom would eventually get his happy ending if the only proof of his commitment to relationships they have is him manufacturing a different girl to fall in love with?
Jeon Jungkook on February 13th at 7:35PM.
You make a good point, Y/N, but I think you missed the whole point of the movie. It’s not about their breakup or the not-so-happy ending or even Tom’s problems. It’s about the journey they go on and what Tom learns in the process. If you watch the trailer then you’d go into the movie knowing they weren’t gonna last. The results of whatever Tom and Summer do to contribute to their eventual breakup should not come as a surprise to the viewer. The whole point of the movie is that they spent five hundred days together and Tom is now recounting those days to anyone who will watch. And you know who’s watching? People who want to hear a story. About love. And loss. And everything in between. Isn’t that the whole reason we watch romance movies anyway?
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Sometimes, you wonder if the garishness of Professor Pollack’s shoebox-sized office is the reason not very many students attend her office hours. The walls are lined with movie posters taken from a theater going out of business, the shelves stuffed to the brim with Disney World trinkets and old film memorabilia. She’s installed these thick red velvet curtains along her single window, making the whole room look like some sort of 1950s movie lair. 
In a way, you suppose it kind of is. 
You hear the taps of her Converse shoes as they come down the hallway and round the corner into the office.
“You know, Y/N, I was surprised to see you signed up for my office hours when I logged in this morning,” Pollack says as she enters the room, handing you the coffee in her right hand as she takes a sip out of the one from her left. Last year, the film department bought a Breville coffee maker with the leftover funds from a movie showing fundraiser and it is, in your humble opinion, the best investment the department has ever made.
“Why? I see you all the time,” you ask, eyebrows raised. You and Professor Pollack are not lacking in social connection. She’s written you a letter of recommendation and she knows your coffee order. 
“The very first time we ever spoke outside of class, you sat down at my Starbucks table while I was eating lunch just so you could introduce yourself and ask me about my opinion on the Mamma Mia remake,” she deadpans. “We don’t exactly speak through official forums.”
Well, she’s got you there. 
“I know…” you begin, trailing off awkwardly as you take a sip of your coffee. It’s burning hot and scalds your tongue a little, but it’s nice. It’s been cold recently. “But I just thought we could talk… privately.”
Pollack rolls her eyes as she reclines in her chair, back hitting the padding of the chair with a thud. “Goodness, I wonder what you’re here to talk to me about.”
“Okay, please pardon my French, but what the freak, Professor?” You say, because the words have been sitting hot on your tongue ever since you walked into your office and you didn’t think sending an email that looked like:
To: [email protected] From: y/[email protected] Subject: what the freak
Dear Professor Pollack,
What the freak?????????
Cheers, Y/N
would be very professional on your part. 
Pollack lets out this honk of a laugh, loud and sudden, shaking her head fondly. “Come on, Y/N. You must have known I would have partnered the two of you up.”
“I was hoping you’d let us choose?” You emphasize. 
“And miss out on what very well may be one of the best final projects of the class, produced by my two best students of the semester? Absolutely not,” she says, smiling knowingly at you. 
Even her sudden reveal that you happen to be one her best students this semester isn’t enough to soothe your worries and calm your anger. You’re honored, but you have bigger problems. Problems that start with ‘Jeon’ and end with ‘Jungkook’. 
Pollack looks at your beaten-down expression and leans forward, placing her coffee cup on the wooden desk in front of her. “Listen, Y/N. You’re an excellent student and one of the most talented filmmakers I’ve seen in a long time. Your discussion posts are detailed, well-written, and thought-provoking. I know that the two of you will make a great project.”
You scoff. “We can’t agree on a single thing.”
“Sometimes that happens in life, and you just have to deal with it,” Pollack says sagely. 
“So I can’t change partners?”
“Not unless you’d like to fail the final,” Pollack comments, shrugging. How rude of her to say such a thing, not taking the option to change partners off the table entirely but making it so that if you do, you’ll pretty much be shooting yourself in the foot. Or worse. 
You narrow your eyes at her. “That’s low.”
“That’s life,” she corrects. 
“Ugh.” You get up out of your seat, taking angry sips of your coffee as you desperately try to think of another way to get out of it. Are doughnuts still an option?
“I have full faith that the both of you will come up with an excellent project,” Pollack says like it’s some sort of consolation as she walks you to the door to her office. Yeah, right. You and Jungkook spend your free time making snide responses to each other’s discussion posts like it’s nobody’s business. You’re probably the only two people at your entire university that care enough to make replies to each other’s replies. Like Tinder from hell. “You shouldn’t be worried, Y/N.”
“I’m not worried,” you say, completely worried. “I just—I don’t know how Jungkook and I will get along.”
Pollack grins to herself. Does she know something you don’t? Is she up to something? She looks at you as you linger in the doorway, feeling utterly helpless after a meeting that accomplished absolutely nothing, and she smiles. 
“You’ll find a way.” 
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Reserving a group study room in the Greene Library and Collection should not be some gymnastics act that involves a warm-up, practice, a routine, and song and dance. In theory, all you have to do is log onto the library’s homepage, navigate to the reservations tab, enter your name and ID number, pick a date and time, and profit. 
Of course, the demand for the study rooms does tend to outweigh the supply. There are over ten thousand students at your university. And only twenty rooms. 
And still, you have the unfortunate luck of being stuck in one of them for an hour and a half with none other than Jeon Jungkook. 
You see him coming into the library at 3PM sharp through the opposite entrance, a little surprised he didn’t show up ten minutes early like he does in class, just so he would have an excuse to complain about having to wait for you. Feeling a little threatened, you pick up the pace so that you can meet his lengthy stride, keeping an eye on his direction so you know which room he’s aiming for.
You arrive at Greene GSR #18 at the exact same time.
“So nice to see you,” Jungkook says, too cheerful, as you reach out to open the door. 
“Mmm,” you mumble in response as you enter the room, flinging your backpack onto the floor by your chair with a thud as you take a seat. The faster you start, the faster you can get this over with.
Jungkook, not at all outwardly discouraged by your clear disdain for him, rallies on happily. “So, what were you thinking for the project?” But he doesn’t even let you open your mouth to answer before he says, “Oh, wait, let me guess: a social commentary on the consumerist ideals that underline every modern movie and encourage the pursuit of an empty dream by abandoning concrete career and personal goals in favor of romantic fulfillment.”
You scowl at him, even though that’s exactly what you were thinking of doing. You’re almost positive Pollack’s had enough of seeing college students try to engineer the craziest fake dating scenarios they can imagine just for a class project. Why not do something outside of the box? 
“Well, then what do you want to do?” You challenge, already bristling. Like Jungkook has a better idea. 
“Maybe something that doesn’t scream ‘killjoy’ as much as you do,” Jungkook retorts easily. He opens his mouth to spit out something else but then rolls his eyes and shrugs, shaking his head. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have even asked.”
“Don’t pin this on me,” you immediately rebuke, pointing at him. “You’re the one who wants to make some sort of generic rom-com for our final project. Besides, I’m pretty sure every idea you even think of will have been done already.”
“Just because something is cliche doesn’t make it bad,” Jungkook says. “I swear, I don’t think you understand what the word cliche even means. A cliche thing, by default, is something that lots of people like. Therefore, it is largely well-received by the general public.”
“Oh, then that must mean that all rom-coms are deserving of a People’s Choice Award then, right?”
Jungkook frowns, getting exasperated. You aren’t much farther off. “I don’t know why you’re being so—so resistant! You know that romantic comedies are supposed to be fun, right?” 
“They’re not that fun to me,” you comment snidely. 
“That’s because you’re a stick in the mud who takes everything way too seriously,” Jungkook replies like it’s some sort of known fact. “Have you ever even been in a relationship?”
“That’s none of your business,” you tell him firmly. Who does he think he is, going around asking that sort of thing? Especially to you! Like you could care any less about what Jungkook thinks of your love life. Intrusive, much? “Besides, you asking that is exactly my point. Not everything has to be about finding love and searching for your soulmate or whatever bullshit like that. Some people don’t really care that much.”
“You act like wanting to find love and wanting to be successful are mutually exclusive,” Jungkook points out. “You don’t have to abandon all of your life goals just to find love, you know. It doesn’t have to be the most important thing in your life for you to even care about it a little. It’s natural for people to want love.”
“Then I guess I’m just a robot.”
“You sure are acting like one,” Jungkook comments easily. “What, are you about to ask me to pick out all of the pictures with traffic lights?”
“I’m allowed to have my own views on love, just like you,” you say. Isn’t that the whole point of your discussion boards? A forum where you can discuss these sorts of things through an academic lens? A barrier that keeps the two of you from going at each other’s throats when you’re engaging in the class material? It doesn’t take a genius, or even half of one, to know that you and Jungkook can’t seem to agree on anything in your FILM395 class. 
Jungkook scoffs. “What do you mean, ‘your own views on love’? As far as I’m aware, your view on love is that you don’t have one! What do you even think love really is?”
You frown at him. “Does it matter?”
“Yes,” Jungkook says like it’s obvious. “This project is about filming a short romantic comedy, about people falling in love with each other. How do you expect me to do that if we don’t reach a mutual agreement on what love is?”
You scoff. “There is no way in hell I am going to agree with you on anything concerning love.” Jeon Jungkook still thinks love is all rainbows and sunshine. Cries at the end of Love, Actually even though he’s seen it five times already. Believes in soulmates. Believes there are people out there that were built for each other. He flutters from one person to the next like a butterfly, even though he’s more like a moth drawn to any open flame within a five-mile radius. He’s convinced he’ll find his true love here, in college, just like his parents found each other. 
Yeah, right.
“Then what are we supposed to do, huh?” He says with an eyebrow raised. “We have a month to make a movie that’s fifty percent of our grade.”
“The social commentary is still on the table,” you point out. Sure, it’s not at all a romantic comedy, but it’s about them, which Pollack said was totally fine. Besides, she has been teaching you the entire semester, hasn’t she? She should know by now not to expect some cushy lovey-dovey story about two people who were destined to be with each other and can overcome all obstacles with their love. 
Deep down, a part of you wonders if that’s why she paired you up with Jungkook. If she’s had enough of the sappy love stories that Jungkook probably wanted to do, didn’t want to see another cynical commentary on capitalism in Hollywood.
“Wow, what a thrilling idea,” Jungkook deadpans. “Please, tell me more.” His voice is lifeless. 
“Oh, shut up. It’s not like your idea would be any better. Who would we even get to star in a rom-com we filmed? It’s not like the two of us could do it.”
You regret the words the instant they come out of your mouth. In horror, you watch as they sink into Jungkook’s brain, etching themselves into his mind as a lightbulb turns on, a bright idea popping into his thoughts. 
He opens his mouth, but you get there first. “No. Whatever you’re thinking, absolutely not. I am not starring in a rom-com with you.”
That is something you can say with one-hundred percent confidence. Something that you know will never change. 
“Just hear me out,” Jungkook pleads, looking a little desperate as he wrings his hands together, aching to spill the bubbling plan that’s been stewing in his head. 
You narrow your eyes in suspicion but lean back into your chair, a silent signal for him to continue. It’s not as if you have any better idea.s 
“Okay. It’s not a rom-com. It’s a mockumentary,” he says, something that (and you can’t believe you’re saying this) actually piques your interest. Moreso than anything else he’s ever said to you. “You think love is totally manufactured, right? That Hollywood creates the illusion of it to sell to people paying twenty dollars for a movie ticket?”
“Yes.”
“Then let’s do that. Let’s prove it’s manufactured.”
“And how do you plan on doing that?” It’s not like you can walk into a factory and ask them to make the “love” emotion for you. 
“We’ll be the stars.”
He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Like it’s your best idea by a long shot, the home run of all home runs, your golden ticket to an A.
You scrunch up your nose, hesitant. “Wait, I don’t know—”
“It’s perfect!” Jungkook exclaims, eyes wide with excitement. “Think about it. It’ll be a mockumentary of a stereotypical rom-com. Except it won’t be this big Hollywood production, it’ll be real life. And it won’t be between two paid actors with years of experience under their belt, it’ll be us.” His eyes are practically bulging out of his head, big brown eyes glinting with excitement.
“So what are we gonna do? Act out our own rom-com in an attempt to see if either one of us will fall in love with the other?” You say, an eyebrow raised. 
Jungkook shakes his head. “Not necessarily. It’s a mockumentary, right? So it’s grounded in real life even if it is based upon the stereotypical boy-meets-girl rom-com. It won’t be super scripted or anything. Think of it more like… a chronicle.”
You scoff. “Of what?”
“Of us,” Jungkook says easily. “Of the time we have to spend together to film this damn project anyway. I say that rom-coms are emblematic of the natural human desire for love, and that deep down love is the thing that makes us happy. You say that rom-coms are consumerist propaganda, or whatever it is you think they are—”
“They are, and you can’t change my mind about that,” you interrupt, just for clarity. Can’t have Jungkook thinking he’s going to somehow convince you otherwise.
��—so, with this project, let’s see which one of us is right. If the time we have to spend together, making this mockumentary rom-com, will really change how we feel about each other, or if it won’t.”
How you feel about each other? You almost laugh when Jungkook says it out loud. There’s no room for questioning in your mind when it comes to how you two feel about each other. Two desperate-to-please students with opposite views on the entire structure of a class and three years of experience arguing your points in essays under your belts. 
Jungkook believes in destiny, right? Then he must know that the two of you are destined to never get along.
“You should be a car salesman,” you joke. Jungkook’s certainly excellent at pitches.
“So, you in?”
You narrow your eyes, still a little wary of whatever it is Jungkook’s putting down. But it’s not like you have any better ideas. And the sooner you agree on something, the sooner you can get this goddamn project over with and never have to sit in class with Jeon Jungkook ever again. 
“Only because this’ll finally prove to you that not everything can be solved by finding love,” you say. It’s about as good of a ‘yes’ as he’s going to get out of you. 
Jungkook grins, mischievous as always. There’s certainly something else he’s plotting, you just aren’t sure what. Maybe he’s in cahoots with Pollack. “Or,” he begins, lips curling upwards, “you’ll just fall in love with me.”
You scoff. “Yeah, right.”
“Well, then I guess we’ll just have to see, won’t we?” He holds out his hand, palm facing up as he waits for your response, that devilish glint that you hate twinkling in his eyes. 
As if you’re going to fall in love with Jungkook. For this stupid project? No way. Just because it’s a filmmaking project doesn’t make it any more bearable than your other assignments. It’s a partner project. They are, by their very nature, excruciating. You’ll be surprised if you end this project and you aren’t even more irritated with Jungkook. Does he really think you’ll actually develop some sort of affection for him?
You take his hand on your own, palm pressed against his, and you eye him carefully. Just because Jungkook’s got something up his sleeve doesn’t mean you don’t. Finally, finally, Jungkook will see why love is stupid and manufactured and fake. Why it doesn’t bring people together but instead tears them apart. 
Maybe then he’ll leave you and your discussion posts in peace.
You smile up at him. 
“I guess we will.”
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When Ruby Rhodes is not six feet deep in The Princeton Review’s MCAT test prep book, she can usually be found at the small bakery five blocks west and two blocks north of your little campus, a family-owned place passed down through three generations. It’s her favorite place, and yours, too, because the coffee is delicious and the pastries are even better. 
Plus, hardly anyone from your school ever comes here, which means the wifi speed is eons better than the Starbucks inside the main food court. 
She’s halfway through a tiramisu and a rerun of The Bachelor from two seasons ago when you sit down across from her. 
“Any good?” You ask, pulling out your laptop and squeezing it onto the tiny marble table in between the two of you. 
“The food or the show?” Ruby asks over a mouthful of cake. 
“Either.” 
Ruby swallows down the piece sitting on her tongue before responding. “The tiramisu is delicious, and The Bachelor is eh. I’ve seen this episode three times already.”
“Then why are you watching it again?” You ask, laughing. Does Ruby think something different is going to happen?
“Because we’re in between weeks right now and honestly, The Bachelor is kind of dry this season,” Ruby says with a frown. 
“You’ve got some tiramisu on your cheek,” you tell her, pointing to the left side of her face where the bright mascarpone cream sticks out like a sore thumb against her dark skin. 
“It’s just so yummy, I can’t help but stick my whole face in it,” Ruby jokes as she wipes her face with the napkin on her lap. The Bachelor rerun plays on in the background, and you can hear the gasps of the women through Ruby’s discarded headphones. 
You roll your eyes. “Why do you even watch that show still? You know it’s all crap.”
“Just because you think it’s crap doesn’t mean I do,” Ruby insists, playing out an argument the two of you have had plenty of times over the course of your friendship. “Watching it makes me happy. So I do it.”
“But it’s all fake,” you say, frowning in disapproval. “The couples don’t even stay together in the end anyway.”
“It’s a totally pre-constructed show, but it’s not fake in the moment. And I don’t expect the final couple to stay together.” She shrugs nonchalantly. “Believe me, I’ve seen enough Bachelor seasons to know those odds. I just like watching the ride. It’s cute.”
“You say that about everything.”
“That’s because everything is cute,” Ruby says pointedly. “I like seeing the good in people.”
Ruby’s always been the exact opposite of you in terms of worldviews. The embodiment of a real-life fairy. She puts butterfly clips in her hair and buys herself bouquets of daisies and lilies. She sits in cafes with her headphones in and sketches the people she sees outside the window. She’s studying to be a doctor so she can spend the rest of her life helping others. 
And you? 
Well, the Oscars have always been a bit of a long shot. 
The curiosity eating at you, you pose a question to her. “Hypothetically, if there were to exist a mockumentary on rom-coms and love, would you watch it?”
Ruby pauses for a second as she furrows her brows. Then she shrugs and says, “Only if the two leads fell in love at the end. Why?”
“No reason,” you say, looking away. 
There’s no fooling Ruby and her eagle eyes. 
“What is it?” She asks, a grin playing at her lips as she looks at you. “Come on, you don’t just ask me shit like that without a reason.”
“It’s for a final project,” you explain succinctly. No need to go into details. 
“You’re making a rom-com for a final project?” Ruby sounds about as skeptical as you did when you spoke to Jungkook. 
“It’s a mockumentary about rom-coms.”
“But… it’s a rom-com, right? Like, you’re going to be making a rom-com? Where people fall in love?”
Hopefully not. 
“Sort of?”
Ruby squints her eyes, trying to process all the information. You’re not surprised that she has to take a moment to think—you are certainly the last person on earth to ever admit to filming a rom-com. But, as you’ve stated, it’s not a rom-com. It’s a mockumentary about them. That distinction is vital.
“Wait, is this for that class with Pollack?” Ruby asks. “I remember you telling me you were taking it. You said this was a partner project, though, right? So who are you working with?”
Curse Ruby and her knack for remembering things. She’ll make a great doctor, that’s for sure, but right now you wish she would just forget things like everybody else. 
You sigh. “Jungkook.”
Ruby doesn’t need to think twice about who that is. “Wait, seriously? You’re working with him? Isn’t he the guy that responds to all your discussion posts?”
“Yes,” you say, rubbing your temples with your fingertips. You don’t even like thinking about him, let alone saying his name. The fact that he has to occupy any part of your brain at all gives you a headache.
“Damn, that sucks,” Ruby says, not feeling very sorry for you at all. “So you’re filming a rom-com with him?”
“It’s a mockumentary,” you specify, feeling yourself getting irritated. “It is fake.”
“Just like my shows, huh?” Ruby muses to herself, too analytical for her own good. 
“Listen, you don’t need to fall in love to make a mockumentary about it,” you say, refusing to consider any sort of alternative. 
“Don’t you?”
You sneer. “Just shut up and eat your tiramisu.”
Ruby lets out a laugh at that, this wonderful mix between a wheeze and a honk that makes you smile every time you hear it, even if it’s at your own expense. Ruby decides she’s had enough of mentally torturing you with the thought of feeling anything but extreme distaste towards Jungkook and goes back to her show, letting you brood in peace. 
You don’t need to fall in love to make a film about it. Just like you don’t need to be a masterchef to film Gordon Ramsey screaming at someone who undercooked chicken. You’re a filmmaker. You can make a film out of anything. Including love. Even if it is with someone like Jungkook. 
Can’t you?
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Jeon Jungkook may be a disillusioned college student in love with the idea of love itself, but at least he’s not too shabby of a filmmaker. 
Funnily enough, it actually sort of surprises you that you’ve never encountered each other before. Especially considering you’re in the same major program at your school, a program that only accepts about fifty students per year at most. You suppose that in whatever general program classes you had to take in freshman and sophomore year you just never crossed paths. Plus, he’s a filmmaking concentration and you’re doing screenwriting, so it’s very possible that you would have just never spoken had the two of you not registered for the same semester of FILM395.
Huh. Imagine that. A life without him. 
Sort of makes you wish you had put this class off for one more semester. 
As the two of you kickstart your project, you both immediately agree that you need a third person’s help. You and Jungkook can do plenty, but you are only two people. And there’s nothing in the final project guidelines that says you can’t enlist other people to partake in the production. But you don’t need help with the filming and editing. You need help with the interviews. 
“Is this bedsheet good enough?” Kim Taehyung, a senior in the film program, asks as he’s Command-stripping a queen-sized black bedsheet to an empty wall in the living room of his tiny one-bedroom apartment. 
“As long as it fits into the frame,” Jungkook responds from where he’s standing behind the camera, set up on a tripod to capture a specific angle. “You’re not going to be in the shot anyway. You’ll just be asking the questions.”
“Good, because I look really ugly right now,” Taehyung says with a grin. You roll your eyes. Taehyung must know he always looks good. Even you can’t deny him of that. 
“This is ridiculous,” you say, seated on the singular couch in his apartment. You’re leaning on your elbow as you watch Taehyung fiddle with the bedsheet and Jungkook futz with the camera, the two of them repositioning themselves over and over again until everything’s perfect. “What are you even gonna ask us?”
“I came up with some… preliminary questions,” Taehyung says suggestively. “But I haven’t told either of you what they are so that your reactions can be more genuine.”
“Great,” you deadpan. 
“Wow, someone’s excited,” Jungkook comments snidely. 
“I know we agreed on periodic interviews for the sake of the mockumentary but I don’t know why we have to be so… so serious about them,” you say with a frown. 
“We have to promise to be honest with what we say, alright? Like, actually honest. This sets a guideline for the rest of our relationship,” Jungkook says like it’s no big deal. Like the foundation of your relationship isn’t the fact that the two of you have been engaged in discussion-board war ever since the semester began. 
“Our ‘relationship’?” You say with a scoff. 
“Do you promise?” Jungkook says. 
You roll your eyes. “Yes, I promise.” Whatever. “What do you even think is going to happen between us in the next few weeks?”
Jungkook smirks. “Guess we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?”
You don’t like the sound of that. 
Over the next ten minutes, Taehyung gets the sheet attached to his wall and pulls over two stools from his kitchen counters, old-timey wooden ones he got from a thrift store for five dollars a pop, one for him and one for the poor soul who has to be interviewed. You’ve agreed to do them separately but Taehyung’s apartment is only so big and you are only three people, which means that whoever isn’t being interviewed still has to be behind the camera, listening to the other person. 
Makes you sort of nervous about whatever’s stewing up inside Jungkook’s mind. Wonder what the hell it is he’s plotting up there. 
Once everything is settled, Taehyung looks at the two of you as he asks who’s going first. 
You turn to Jungkook, who’s already grinning. “Ladies first.”
For someone who has spent their whole life watching and making movies, being in front of the camera feels weirdly uncomfortable to you. You’re so used to being behind it instead, directing others as they move around the frame, telling them how to feel and how to act and what to say, that having the spotlight shone on you is like picking through your thoughts with a fine-toothed comb. 
You adjust awkwardly in the bar stool seat as Jungkook stands behind the camera, twisting the lens until he gives you the thumbs-up. Quite frankly, it doesn’t make you feel any better. 
“You ready?” Taehyung asks as he takes a seat opposite you, just out of frame. 
“Well, we’ve gotta start somewhere, right?”
“That’s the spirit. Alright, Jungkook, start whenever you’re good.”
“Okay,” Jungkook chirps up. “Three, two, one—” He points to the both of you. 
“So, Y/N,” Taehyung begins, his voice suddenly much clearer. He sounds sort of like a news anchor. It’s oddly fitting. “Are you excited to begin the filming for this?”
“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” You muse. 
“That didn’t answer my question,” Taehyung points out. Good thing the camera can’t see the way his eyebrows raise. 
“I suppose that there are worse things I could be doing,” you reason, which is about as good of an answer as Taehyung’s going to get. What was he expecting you to say? That you were thrilled to be filming this not-a-rom-com with your class nemesis? That you couldn’t wait to see what would happen?
“Loving the enthusiasm,” Taehyung jokes. You wonder what your classmates will think when they watch this back, hearing this unidentified deep male voice ask you and Jungkook questions about your relationship. “Let me ask you this: what’s your current relationship with Jungkook?”
“Uh…” you begin, nervous. Behind the camera, Jungkook has that same stupid, shit-eating grin plastered all over his face. You sneer. “It’s… it’s professional.”
“Can you explain what you mean by that?” 
“I mean we’re classmates. That’s the relationship.”
“That’s it?” You can hear the skepticism in Taehyung’s voice, almost like he’s egging you on to say something more. 
“We’ve had some personal disagreements on topics discussed in class. But yes, we’re just classmates,” you elaborate slightly. It’s not as if anyone needs reminding of that, anyway. They all see your discussion board posts. 
“And how do you expect that relationship to change over the course of this project?”
“I don’t think it’ll change at all.” It’s the easiest answer so far. Requires no energy nor brain power for you to think about it. 
Taehyung nods his head in intrigue. “And why’s that?”
“Because this is a project for a class, not a life lesson.”
“Who says it can’t be both?”
You frown. “Whose side are you on?”
Five feet away, Jungkook laughs. 
Taehyung chuckles. “Alright, moving on. What do you expect from Jungkook over the next few weeks as you start working on building your relationship?”
“I hope he becomes less unbearable,” you say, though you suppose that’s more of a general life goal than one that’s project-specific. But it would be nice if he became a little more… palatable. Just so you don’t have to feel the urge to sock him in the face every time you speak to each other. 
“‘Less unbearable’, excellent,” Taehyung repeats. “Anything else?”
“Well,” you say with a shrug, not sure what else to say. What do you want from Jungkook? Obviously the two of you are about to embark on your own rom-com adventure, no doubt most of it his doing, but it’s hard to imagine that he himself (or you, for that matter) will change. If anything, the rom-com setting will just exacerbate the worst parts of both your personalities. Like some sort of curse. “I guess I just hope that the project goes smoothly.”
“I hope that it does, too,” Taehyung says with a smile. “Okay, last question.” Thank God. This interview couldn’t have been more than five minutes, but it feels like an eternity to you. “Do you think you and Jungkook will fall in love at the end of this?”
“No.” You don’t leave any room for hesitation. “I don’t.”
“Why not?”
“We’re very different people with very different interests,” you explain succinctly. You’re sure Taehyung will grasp that once Jungkook has his turn and answers all the same questions. “He can try his hardest, but some things are just meant to stay the way they are.”
“Okay, thank you, Y/N, that’s all. I hope you found our conversation illuminating,” Taehyung says, his cue for the camera to stop rolling. You and Taehyung both turn to Jungkook, waiting for his signal, letting out a sigh when Jungkook gives you a thumbs-up. 
“Thank fuck,” you say, hopping off of the barstool happily. You head towards the camera, ready to kick Jungkook off of it, because it’s your turn to stand behind it with an annoying look on your face as you react to every stupid thing Jungkook says. You find that you’re actually sort of looking forward to it. Being behind the camera is where you feel most at home. Making faces at Jungkook is just a bonus. 
Jungkook’s still grinning that same goddamn grin when you approach him, making you narrow your eyes. 
“‘He can try his hardest’?” Jungkook teases, voice all high-pitched to mimic yours. “Sounds like a challenge.”
“Ah yes, my mission in life,” you retort easily. Maybe goading him on isn’t the best course of action, but you’re so confident that you won’t change your mind you find yourself actually anticipating his efforts. “Think you have what it takes?”
“Believe me, I do,” Jungkook says with a devilish glint in his eyes. 
You roll your eyes and kick him off the camera with a shove, pushing him towards Taehyung as he waits diligently on that chair of his. 
“So, Jungkook, same questions,” Taehyung says as Jungkook gets ready in his seat, fixing the blonde strands of hair that curl around the side of his face, framing his cheeks. 
“What? That’s no fair, he got to think about all his answers,” you exclaim, positively indignant. 
“Don’t worry, Y/N,” Jungkook says, voice sickly smooth, honey falling off his lips. “I’ve actually been thinking about the two of us for a long time.”
You pretend to throw up on Taehyung’s hardwood floor. 
As Taehyung promised, he asks Jungkook the same questions. And, as predicted, his answers about as far away from yours as the sun is from Pluto:
“Are you excited to begin the filming for this?”
Jungkook grins. “Yes, definitely. I actually took this class after hearing from a friend that the final project was a lot of fun.”
Taehyung beams. That friend was him. No wonder he was so happy to sign onto helping the two of you. 
“And how would you describe your current relationship with Y/N?”
“We’re soon-to-be-lovers.” 
“How forward of you.”
“Isn’t that my job?”
You have to stop yourself from bursting out into laughter behind the camera and ruining the interview. At least he’s not hiding anything. You’ll give him that. 
“So I suppose you expect the two of you to fall in love over the course of the project?”
“Yes, that’s going to happen.”
“And you seem pretty confident when you say that.”
Jungkook smirks as he turns to the camera. Or, more accurately, you. “Confidence is attractive.” 
You shake your head back at him. 
The rest of the interview falls pretty much into the same vein as the first few questions. Jungkook is so brazenly determined and hopeful and optimistic it actually pains you in a way, watching him make all of these promises both to you and himself that this project is going to turn out the way he hopes it does. His answers remind you of his discussion board posts, always looking on the bright side of every movie you watch, always finding the silver lining, the light at the end of the tunnel. A movie could be total Hollywood crap, filled with cheating scandals and misunderstandings and betrayals, and Jungkook could still find beauty in it. 
It’s strange. 
For the sake of you not actually throwing up in Taehyung’s lovely apartment, you tune out the majority of the middle of the conversation, having zero desire to listen to Jungkook wax poetic about your non-existent relationship like he’s saying his wedding vows. Only when Taehyung finally remarks that they’re on the last question do you finally come to again, ready to turn the camera off as soon as Jungkook finishes his answer. 
“Jungkook, do you think you and Y/N will fall in love at the end of this?”
“I do.” Wow, what a shocker. “I do, because I hope that by the end of this Y/N will have opened her eyes to the beauty of love, and will find joy in the feeling as something that makes her feel happy and warm. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure the things we do together are meaningful. And even if we don’t last, I hope that her memories of us together will be ones she can look back upon fondly and be grateful for.”
You purse your lips together. If only it were that easy. 
“Alright, cut,” you say, voice distant as Jungkook thanks Taehyung for his time and hops off the bar stool. “Thanks, Tae.”
“Anytime, you guys,” Taehyung says with a grin. 
Jungkook comes over to where you’re standing, possibly to grab his camera and tripod but most definitely to rub his obnoxious personality all up in your face. 
“You really think you’re gonna get me to fall in love with you, huh?” You muse, an eyebrow raised as you look up at him. “Just so you can prove a point?”
“Believe it or not, Y/N, but I actually think that all people deserve the chance to experience love and that happens to include you, as well,” Jungkook responds easily. 
The words put a sour taste in your mouth. “You think I deserve it, huh?”
Jungkook nods, face solemn as he looks at you, gazing into your eyes with those big brown ones of his own. It makes you feel something unfamiliar. Like he’s reading right through your chest, into your heart. You don’t like it. “Everyone deserves love.”
“You guys are coming back, right? So I can leave the sheet up?” Taehyung interrupts after he’s moved both of his bar stools back to his kitchen counter. 
“Yeah, we’ll be back,” Jungkook answers quickly. “Thanks for setting everything up, by the way.”
“Of course. Plus, this is a good background for my nudes,” Taehyung says casually, like he’s mentioning what he’s having for dinner. “Looking forward to seeing you guys again.”
“Us, too,” Jungkook says. “Ready to go?”
“Only because it means I don’t have to see you anymore,” you retort pointedly, grabbing your backpack from where it sits on his couch as you head towards the door. 
“Just you wait, Y/N,” Jungkook says as you leave Taehyung’s building, one of those old-timey Victorian houses that was converted into a whole bunch of apartments. “You’re gonna see that I’m right.”
“Really? About what?”
“About us,” Jungkook says. You come to the stoplight, where Jungkook keeps going straight and you turn right. 
“Us?”
Jungkook grins as you turn in the direction of your own apartment. And, just as the light turns green, he says, “Just you wait. We’re gonna fall in love, you and me.”
If he says so. 
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“Hey! Y/N!”
You whip your head around at the sound of your name just as you’re opening the door to your local Starbucks, wondering who the hell is calling out to you at nine-thirty in the morning on a Wednesday. 
As it turns out, you don’t have to wonder too much, because the moment your eyes adjust to the blinding sunlight coming from the east side of campus you see Jungkook hurtling towards you, heavy black boots stomping down on the pavement as he rushes to catch up with you. 
“Can I help you?” You ask, thoroughly unimpressed, as you pull open the door, looking at Jungkook heaving beside you as he holds the door open for himself. 
“Just glad I caught you,” Jungkook gasps out between breaths. “Figured this might make a good scene for the movie.”
“It’s a mockumentary,” you remind him easily, getting in the line. 
“Whatever,” Jungkook says. “What do you normally get here? I don’t really go to Starbucks often.”
“Whatever will give me the most caffeine for the least amount of money,” you retort. 
“How efficient,” Jungkook comments. 
“You know that’s how I like to be,” you tell him with a pointed look. 
Jungkook mumbles his acknowledgement as he fumbles around in his backpack, fishing through the large pocket until he whips out his Canon, holding it out in front of him like he’s a dad about to film an embarrassing shot of his child. You look down at the camera just as he pans up to you, a confused frown written across your features. Jungkook laughs. 
“Do you really need to do that here?”
“I’m not even filming,” Jungkook says with a smile, like he just pulled his camera out so he could look at your unimpressed face through a different lens. “Look, you’re up.”
You turn around to find that the woman ahead of you in line has just moved towards the pick-up side of the counter, so you shimmy over towards the barista, ready to get this over with so you can dart out of the Starbucks as soon as possible. 
“Just a grande Americano, please,” you request simply, fingers grasping for the wallet inside your coat pocket. 
“Me too,” Jungkook chirps up from behind you. The closeness of his voice makes you jump, and suddenly you become keenly cognizant of how he’s practically pressed up next to you as he leans over towards the counter. You catch a glimpse of the debit card in his hand. “Here.”
“You don’t have to pay for me, it’s fine,” you quickly say, holding out your own card to the barista. 
“No, it’s okay, I want to. Here.” Jungkook pushes your hand away as he tries to stuff his card into the reader. 
“No, I won’t let you. I’m a big girl, I can pay for my own coffee,” you rebuke, feeling yourself growing oddly defensive. 
Jungkook sighs from behind you. “Oh, come on, you can’t let me do one nice thing for you?”
“Will one of you please pay, you’re holding up the line,” the barista asks in a desperate tone, clearly too overworked and too underpaid to be dealing with two bratty college students like yourselves. 
Jungkook manages to shove his card into the reader before you get the chance to do it yourself, pushing you to the side as he verifies all of his information and takes his receipt. Next to him, you seethe to yourself, feeling a personal loss even though you just got your coffee paid for. It’s not about the money. It’s about your pride. Never in your life have you wanted to so badly pay for an overpriced Starbucks coffee. 
You and Jungkook mosey over to the other side of the counter, waiting for your identical drinks to be made as you try and calculate how much longer you have to stand in the same room and breathe the same air as Jungkook. Seeing him in class, on your discussion board posts, and for your arranged final project meetings apparently isn’t enough, so now he has to invade your personal life, too. 
“What are you doing?” You huff out angrily, turning to Jungkook even as he holds his camera out in front of him, filming the Starbucks. 
“Recording our first meeting, obviously,” Jungkook says like it’s some kind of no-brainer. Like you were in on that from the moment he called your name out on the street. 
“What do you mean, ‘our first meeting’?” You scrunch up your nose in confusion. “We’ve known each other since the semester started.”
“I know, but…” Jungkook trails off unhelpfully, but you pick up what he’s putting down regardless. Right. This is supposed to be a mockumentary rom-com. And rom-coms always start with an introduction. 
The barista behind the counter calls out Jungkook’s name as he places two same-sized cups down at the pick-up station. The cup is burning hot, even with the little cardboard holder wrapped around it like a leg warmer, so you immediately move over to the station up against the wall with all of the sugar packets and napkins and little green splash sticks. Jungkook joins you without question, whether it be due to the fact that he doesn’t come here very often or because he just wants to keep invading your space, you couldn’t say. Grabbing one of the wooden sticks, you tug the plastic lid off of the cup and give the coffee a swirl. Watching you, Jungkook takes the lid off of his as well. 
“Are you just going to copy everything I do?” You deadpan. 
“Not everything…” Jungkook trails off suspiciously, looking down into his coffee like the two of them are conspiring something. 
“What are you talki—”
Without warning, Jungkook slams half of his body into you, and without a lid or one of those little green sticks, the coffee sploshes over the side of his cup and drenches the front of your exposed hoodie, hot liquid burning through the fabric of the hoodie and the t-shirt you have on underneath. You watch in horror as Jungkook plays it off like an accident, feet fumbling around on the hardwood floor like he had just tripped. But he didn’t just trip. He dumped half of his Americano onto the both of your fronts. 
“Jungkook!” You say instantly, resisting the urge to scream because you’re in a public place but feeling your skin go as hot as the coffee against your torso as you look up at him, fuming. 
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I’m such a klutz,” Jungkook says, somehow able to regain his balance, hold his coffee cup, and film the whole adventure all at the same time. “That was totally my fault, let me help you with that.” 
The camera is from his perspective, which you suppose is about as real as it gets for something grounded in reality like a mockumentary, but in this position he’s able to make conversation with his eyes, big brown ones wide as he tries to signify what exactly he means when he purposely spills coffee all over the two of you. 
You get it. You’ve seen enough rom-coms to know why he just did what he did, but you still find your mouth agape as you stare up at him, smoldering and angry and a little shocked he would dare be so bold, especially in the middle of a Starbucks coffee shop. 
“For God’s sake,” you say with an exhausted sigh despite it not even being ten in the morning yet. Unable to form any other comprehensible words, you settle for just pulling out napkins from the dispenser and dabbing the front of your hoodie as Jungkook looks at you apologetically. You can’t even tell if he’s truly sorry or just putting on another one of his shows. 
“I feel so bad,” Jungkook says, and you calm yourself down enough to nod. At least he isn’t blatantly laughing. “Can I pay for dry cleaning?”
“You’re really gonna offer to pay for my dry cleaning?” You ask, an eyebrow raised. 
“It was my fault,” Jungkook admits. Now that you can agree on. 
You shake your head. “It’s okay. It’s just an old hoodie, it’s no big deal.”
“I’m still sorry,” Jungkook insists, and the more he says it the more you actually find yourself starting to believe him. Even if he did just spill coffee all over you. “Here, let me give you my jacket—”
“That’s not necessary,” you say as he shrugs off his backpack and begins to remove the bulky denim jacket he’s wearing, fabric worn and soft from years of use. “Seriously, it’s okay, it’s just a hoodie.”
“Yeah, but now you have coffee all over your clothes and you probably have class soon, right?” He says, an apologetic smile lacing his lips. He tugs off his jacket and holds it out towards you. 
“Jungkook, I’m fine, alright? I appreciate your concern, though,” you assure him. You throw away the last of the coffee-stained napkins in your hands and reach down for your backpack, which you had taken off your shoulders somewhere in the chaos. 
Jungkook rolls his eyes, almost as if he was expecting resistance, and leans over you anyway. His arms extend outwards as he wraps his enormous denim jacket over your shoulders, the fabric draping loosely over your body. The damn thing was big on him, so on you it practically eats you up. You stand there, silent, as Jungkook adjusts the jacket on your torso, pulling underneath the hood of your sweatshirt as he makes sure it’s snug across your figure. 
“There,” Jungkook says. 
“Thanks,” you say, a half grin playing on your lips. The gesture makes you wonder if Jungkook really was planning on giving up his jacket this early in the morning for the sake of your movie. “That’s nice of you.”
“I hope it makes up for the fact that you smell like coffee now,” Jungkook says, a hand coming up to rub at the nape of his neck. 
“I appreciate it,” you say. 
“I have class, too, so I have to go,” Jungkook says, hoisting his backpack on his shoulders as he tucks his camera away. “I’m sorry again! See you around?”
Like you even have a choice. 
“Yeah, see you around,” you say as Jungkook darts off just as quickly as he arrived, rushing out the door before you have the chance to change your mind and give him his jacket back. 
When he leaves you, you find yourself at a loss for words. You stand there, lips pursed, coffee cold, as the weight of his jacket rests heavy on your shoulders. 
It smells like him. 
You should have known he would do something like this. Spill coffee all over the two of you, offer you his jacket, dash off like Cinderella at midnight. Like the opening of the world’s worst rom-com. The start of what is no doubt going to be the most unbearable final project you have ever done.
Plus, the other thing it’s ensured is a second meeting. How else is he going to get his jacket back?
And you know what the worst part is?
This is only the beginning.
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This time after FILM395 ends lecture for the day, it’s your turn to catch Jungkook lounging around after class. 
He’s lingering around the outside of the building, scrolling through his phone, a heavy leather jacket resting over a flannel that goes down to his knees and a baseball cap sitting firmly on his tuft of blonde hair. He’s obviously not paying attention to any of his surroundings whatsoever, because he doesn’t even notice you exiting out of the door he’s standing by until you say his name. 
“Jungkook,” you say, arriving in front of him. 
“Wha—oh, hi,” Jungkook says, jumping at the suddenness of it all. 
“Here,” you say, holding out his oversized denim jacket in between the two of you. “Thanks for letting me borrow it.”
“Oh, I didn’t know you were going to give it back so soon,” Jungkook says, looking a little surprised and… is he touched? 
“I was going to give it to you a couple days ago but I thought I should give it a wash first,” you admit to him. 
Instinctively, Jungkook brings the jacket up to his nose to sniff it. “Smells like lavender.”
“Yeah, it’s my detergent. Hope you don’t mind. It’s a little wrinkled—I let it air dry since I was worried it might shrink in the dryer.”
“Thanks,” Jungkook says, a genuine smile lacing itself across his features. It’s not one you see too often, and definitely not the kind of smile he usually flashes in your direction. Those are all so obnoxious, so full of himself. This one’s different. It’s appreciative. Kinder. Softer. In a lot of ways. “I was thinking, if you don’t have class now, do you wanna grab some coffee?”
You narrow your eyes. “Only if you promise not to spill it on me this time.”
Jungkook laughs, throwing his head back. “Okay, I got it. I won’t spill it on you.”
“Promise?” You prompt. 
“Promise.”
The walk to Starbucks this time is in relative silence, but neither of you seems to mind it very much. You aren’t dashing to catch up with each other and heaving snarky comments as you catch your breath. Jungkook even notices you shiver in the cool March breeze and wraps his jacket around you again anyway, although this time you make a mental note to make sure he doesn’t leave without it. Even though a lavender scent wafts off of the denim, it still smells a little bit like him. That boyish sort of aroma. You don’t think any detergent would ever be able to get rid of that. 
You and Jungkook both get americanos again because you’re predictable and creatures of habit, and Jungkook actually seems to quite like them. He pays and you don’t spend two minutes standing in front of the barista fighting over it. Jungkook seems so determined to pay the extra four dollars for your drink that you aren’t sure if it’s really worth arguing over it for the sake of pride anymore. What you and Jungkook put into making this project a success is what you’re going to get out of it. 
He picks one of the longer tables in the back of the study space, empty because it’s just after the lunchtime rush and most people have classes now, sets up the camera at one end, and you sit down at the other. 
“So,” you begin, not sure where to start because your coffee is too hot to take a sip from it. 
“So,” Jungkook echoes. 
Silence. 
You purse your lips in that awkward, I-don’t-know-what-to-say kind of way. “What do you want to do?”
Jungkook grins. “This is the part where we get to know each other.” 
“We already know each other.” You frown.
“Do we?” Jungkook poses, an eyebrow raised. “I mean, yeah, I guess we aren’t strangers, but I don’t know anything about you. Other than you’re a film major in a rom-com class who hates rom-coms.”
“I don’t hate rom-coms,” you object. “I just think it’s important to look at them from a critical lens.”
“Okay, whatever,” Jungkook says, shrugging you off. “The point is that we don’t know anything else about each other. Like, what’s your favorite color, for example?”
“Purple.” It’s an easy answer. You wore purple princess dresses when you were five, painted your bedroom lilac when you were ten, and still make sure to keep a purple highlighter in your pencil case now. “What’s yours?”
“Red,” Jungkook responds. 
“Cool,” you say, effectively ending the rest of the conversation.
Jungkook, sensing that same awkward silence, suggests something. “How about you ask me something now? We can go back and forth.”
You shrug. It’s not like you have anything better to do. “Alright.” You think for a moment, but then you have the perfect question. “Why film?”
Jungkook was clearly not expecting something so loaded, because his brows furrow, knitting themselves together as he begins to figure out a good enough answer. “Hmm,” he says, lost deep in thought. “I suppose the standard answer would be that I’ve always been interested in it, but I think I chose film because I want to be able to have the gift to tell other people’s stories. Being a filmmaker doesn’t just mean you stand behind a camera. It means you immerse yourself in the lives of other people to create something new. And… I don’t know. I guess I really like doing that.” 
You nod. 
For once, you understand him. Understand why he chose to major in film, why he chose to be in this tiny little program. Because there is so much out there, so much that you will never know, people you will never meet and things you will never see. And it’s a filmmaker’s job to make them turn into things you will see, people you will meet. Who knows the world better than the people who study it? The people who have devoted their lives to learning all its secrets?
“What about you?”
“Same as you,” you tell him. “Film is an art but it’s more than that to me. It’s a new way to look at the world. It’s several new ways to look at the world, depending on what kind of film you want to create and what kind of story you want to tell. I think it’s important to show people that all of the things they see in the media every day are not always reality. And that real people deserve to have their stories told, too. I don’t know. That’s what I think.”
Jungkook grins, a twinkle in his eyes. “Real people like us?”
“This project is different,” you insist. 
“I don’t think it is,” Jungkook says. “You said it yourself, we’re making this because it’s important to show people that the Hollywood entertainment they consume is not reality. This is. This is reality.”
You frown, kicking yourself in the shin because what was supposed to be a harmless conversation has now turned into an opportunity for Jungkook to try and convince you that you will, in fact, fall in love with him. You’ve dug your own grave and Jungkook was the one who handed you the shovel. 
“You’re not giving up, are you?” You say, shaking your head, flabbergasted. “Reality is the fact that this project is not going to make me fall in love with you. Nothing is.”
“Don’t be so sure about that,” Jungkook warns. “I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve.”
“You mean like spilling burning hot coffee all over me?” You ask, an eyebrow raised, a grudge still held. 
“We had to start somewhere,” Jungkook defends. “And you seemed to understand what I was doing pretty quickly.”
“It’s not the worst thing someone’s done to me,” you concede, only slightly. “Besides, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but throwing hot coffee all over me is not really a good way to start off your plan to get me to fall in love with you.”
Jungkook smiles. “All in due time, Y/N. All in due time.”
“I can’t believe Pollack actually paired us up together,” you say with a sigh. “You know she did it on purpose.”
“Of course she did.” It’s not really a surprise to either of you. 
“I met with her right after she announced our partners,” you tell him, “she said it was because she wanted to see what kind of project we would come up with. How we would address our… differing views on love.” That’s one way of putting it. A rather nice way, if you do say so yourself.
“Speaking of which,” Jungkook says, something suddenly flashing through his mind, “what do you really think about love? You know, other than it’s unrealistic and ruins people’s lives.”
“You make me sound like Ebeneezer Scrooge.” You frown at him. 
“I’m serious,” insists Jungkook. “Why are you so pessimistic about it? Have you ever been in love? Have you had bad experiences? You couldn’t have just developed this worldview over time.”
You scowl, feeling yourself getting defensive. “Well, maybe I did. Maybe that’s just what I think. Why do you care?”
“Because people don’t just hate love for no reason,” Jungkook exclaims. “Come on, there must be something.”
Your body stiffens. Who is he to be asking you this sort of shit? Why does he care so much? It’s not like it will have any effect on the outcome of your project. Not like you explaining yourself will change the way either of you look at the world. 
“What’s it to you?” You challenge. “Why do you love love so much? Have you ever fallen in love? Do you think it’s suddenly going to solve all of your problems?”
“I love it because I think it brings people real joy,” Jungkook answers simply. “It makes people happy and it’s beautiful. I love love and I’m not ashamed to say that out loud. I believe in it. I believe in love, and in destiny, and in soulmates. I want that. I think everyone deserves it.”
 You scoff to yourself. “You believe in soulmates?”
“I think we all have our people out there.” Jungkook nods. “Don’t you?”
You roll your eyes, arms crossed over your chest. This conversation has gone nowhere, and Jungkook looks as equally dissatisfied as you do. 
“I think love can make us do stupid things,” you tell him succinctly, if a little jaded. No need to say anything else. Your explanation is right there. “We’re just different, I guess. You and I.”
Jungkook blinks at you, eyes wide and a little desperate. Your conversation has remained stagnant and there’s almost nothing left to say. 
Almost. 
“Don’t you ever want to fall in love?” He asks, like it’s a last-ditch effort to get you to believe. 
You freeze. Let the words sink in for a moment. Before you push them out the door and toss them into the garbage. Just thinking about it gives you a headache. Puts a sour taste in your mouth. 
Quickly, you push yourself out of your chair and stand up, grabbing your coffee with one hand and your backpack with the other. “I have to go, sorry. I just remembered I’m meeting up with a friend to help her with a photography shoot,” you fumble out quickly, the legs of the chair screeching as you scoot them across the hardwood floor. “Oh, here’s your jacket, too. Thanks for giving it to me again. I’ll see you in class.”
You whip around and head towards the exit, and only when you’re outside of the Starbucks and passing by the window do you dare look back. Do you dare let your gaze drift back to Jungkook, who is sitting there like he still doesn’t understand you. Still can’t. 
You and Jungkook are final project partners and maybe, if you’re pushing it, acquaintances-slash-friends. But there are just some things better kept to yourself. 
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We’re reaching the halfway point in this semester and, as you all know, I don’t do midterms. That said, I still want you to reflect on what you’ve learned, discovered, and thought about thus far in this class. What portrayal of love did you find the most realistic? The least? How have they changed the way you think about love, both from a personal and a film perspective?
Y/N Y/N on March 3rd at 6:08PM
Purely from a film perspective, I really did enjoy watching Juno. It was funny and raunchy and just the right amount of vulnerable. It certainly felt the most real. So far, no film in this class has topped it for me. 500 Days of Summer, on the other hand, was in my opinion extremely unsatisfying and left no positive impression. The ending was a bore and Tom had absolutely no spine. It was a shame, because the direction and production was actually quite good. 
I guess I’m starting to realize how real love is not pretty. It can make people just as sad as it can make them happy. Why don’t we show the sad sides of love, too? The sides where your room is covered with a pile of clothes because you can’t bring yourself to do the laundry? Where you cannot cook a meal because it reminds you of a breakup? Rom-coms are, obviously, not the most realistic. But why are there not more films that do cover what’s real? How can we love love if all we know is a lie?
Jeon Jungkook on March 3rd at 11:13PM
Of course, I thought The Big Sick did an excellent job of their portrayal of love, adult life, and the problems that plague us all in the twenty-first century. It was also just as emotional and touched on concepts of race, illness, and being in your twenties and having no idea what direction your life is going in. The Princess Bride, on the other hand, as much as I love it, I do think created a more circumstantial kind of love. Westley and Buttercup mostly fall in love because of their situations. But it remains a classic nonetheless. 
I’m satisfied with the way the film industry has produced rom-coms and handles love. The beauty of it is that love is different for every person who goes through it. It can bring the greatest joy and the most painful sorrow. We do not just figure out what love is by what we see on film. We see it in our real lives, in our parents, in our friends, in couples in coffee shops and cars and on sidewalks. We can love love because we want that joy for ourselves. Because we know that true love will be worth any heartbreak we endure. Is it not impossible for the portrayals of love in these rom-coms to not be real? The way everyone experiences it is different. The only way you can know what real love is, and what it is not, is if you fall in love yourself. 
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Early on in your project development, you and Jungkook exchanged class schedules to optimize your productivity and skip over that stupid, terrible part of partner projects where you’re just going back and forth trying to pick a time that works for the both of you until you eventually settle on something ridiculous like eleven o’clock at night outside of the McDonald’s two blocks off of campus. 
It’s been working very well. Neither of you have adventurous-enough friends to invite you out on spontaneous picnics and restaurant dates that fuck with your pre-scheduled meeting times, and Jungkook already seems to have mastered the art of screaming your name when he catches you on the sidewalk so that you can film something. 
In fact, you’re actually beginning to wonder why you haven’t done this with all of your long-term partner projects. Send each other your schedules so that you can settle on a time in advance. No muss, no fuss. 
You and Jungkook are supposed to meet up again tonight, after the two of you are finished with all of your classes, to discuss what scenes you should be filming next. Edited down, you’ve already got about ten minutes worth of footage, but it’s mid-March and the project is due at the end of April. So you need to get this show on the road. 
The door slams shut behind you as you exit the business building, your film industry class having just ended a minute ago. You’ve got an hour to kill before your next class, just enough time to dash to the food court in the center of campus and grab something from the Japanese place in the back corner. You might even have time to browse the shelves in the bookstore if you’re fast enough. 
You round the corner to the main pathway through campus when a voice stops you in your tracks. 
“You’re just too good to be true…”
“Can’t take my eyes off of you…”
It’s not Jungkook. Instead, in the middle of the walkway are the Eighth Notes, one of the fifteen-thousand (you don’t know for sure, but if you had to estimate) acapella groups on campus. They’ve got mic stands and a table set up and everything. Maybe they’re promoting an upcoming show…? 
You almost breeze right by when one of them, the one in the middle of the group, points right at you, a lopsided grin lacing his features. You aren’t one to normally stop in the middle of a crowded footpath, but when, one after another, all six of the boys start pointing at you, you have no choice. 
“You’d be like Heaven to touch…”
“I wanna hold you so much…” 
“At long last, love has arrived…”
“And I thank God I’m alive…”
“You’re just too good to be true…”
“Can’t take my eyes off of you…”
Their voices are smooth like honey, warm and deep, romancing you through their mics as each one of them suddenly manifests a rose from behind them. Around you, people are starting to stare, gawking at you as they walk by. There’s even a small crowd starting to gather, and you swear you can see some people filming on their phones. The fact that this is happening in the busiest ten minutes of the day, as half the student body is walking from one class to another, isn’t helping. At all. 
The rest of them singing in the background, each one steps out from behind the set of microphones to hand you the rose, smiling their classic, old-timey smiles like those old jazz singers from the 1960s, until you’ve got half a dozen in your hands as they continue to sing. 
“But if you feel like I feel…”
“Please let me know that it’s real…”
“You’re just too good to be true…”
“Can’t take my eyes off of you…”
And then, suddenly, all of them are shutting their traps and turning to the left, looking down the pathway as the song begins again, but from one-hundred feet away. 
“I love you, baby, and if it’s quite alright, I need you, baby, to warm the lonely night…”
Your mouth drops. At the other end of the walkway is Jungkook, one of those wireless microphones in his hand, grinning as he saunters down the path like a prince at a ball, voice sweet and thick as the words dance off of his lips. 
“I love you, baby, trust in me when I say…”
Your eyes lock from opposite ends of the path, Jungkook stepping closer with every beat the Eighth Notes gives him. It sort of feels like your impending doom and a wedding proposal, all at once. By now a rather substantial audience has gathered, lining the walkway with their phones out, filming Jungkook as he waltzes past them, occasionally turning to capture your gobsmacked expression. 
Every step that Jungkook takes makes your heart race something fierce, cheeks warming in embarrassment, trapped in your least favorite thing in the entire world: a public serenade. You can’t really do anything except look at him in shock, feeling his steady gaze resting firmly on your figure, looking right at you. Into you. 
“Oh, pretty baby, don’t bring me down, I pray…”
Oh, pretty baby, now that I’ve found you, stay…”
Jungkook, on the other hand, is clearly relishing in this. In the spotlight. In the music. Or maybe just in the fact that you’re on the receiving end of his over-the-top advances. His grin is wide as he takes those last few steps, microphone gripped neatly in his hand, the lyrics warm and weighty as they tumble from his lips. 
“And let me love you, baby…”
One final step and he’s right in front of you, staring into your eyes, letting himself bask in the look on your face. He produces a rose himself—cherry red, like his favorite color—and holds it out in between the two of you. In the background, the Eighth Notes go quiet, leaving Jungkook on his own for the final line. 
“Let me love you…”
The words drift above your heads, disappearing into the sky as he lingers on them, on that last note, beaming down at you. He looks at you, so hopeful, so happy, so endeared, and what else can you do? What else, besides taking the rose from his hand and smiling back up at him? Who are you to deny him of that?
The crowd around you cheers when you do, applauding both Jungkook and the Eighth Notes, with whom he is apparently in cahoots, before they all decide that they ought to get on with their day and head to class. No doubt you’ll be on several dozen Instagram stories by nightfall. 
Only after everyone has dispersed do you notice Taehyung, who must have been here since the beginning, because he’s just turning off the camera dangling from his neck. Of course Jungkook got him to film. Other than your project, what else would this be for?
“Is that the best you can do, Jungkook?” You smirk up at him, only saying this because you can’t have him knowing that you actually kind of enjoyed it. 
“You’re still here, aren’t you?” Jungkook responds easily. “Thought I would do something spontaneous.”
“And now you’ve taken up ten minutes of my lunch,” you say, shaking your head to yourself. “How spontaneous, indeed.”
“How was that, Jungkook?”
Behind the two of you, the Eighth Notes are packing up, clearly more than happy to have aided Jungkook on his quest for so-called love and getting to promote their group in the process. 
“Great, thank you so much, Jimin,” Jungkook says to the one in the middle, the very first one to sing when you walked out of the door. 
“Anytime, dude. Glad we could help,” Jimin responds. He waves hi to Taehyung, too, as they store their microphones and go on their way. 
Jungkook bids them goodbye as they head down the path, smiling at all of them before he turns back to you, notices the distant, faraway look in your eyes as you twirl the rose between your fingers, press it to your nose to pick up its scent. 
“You gotta admit, I’m a pretty good singer, eh?” Jungkook says with a nudge to your shoulder. 
“You’re alright.”
Jungkook laughs to himself. “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“Don’t get a big head,” you warn. 
“Think I’ll have to sing for you more, now, hmm? Since you liked it so much?” He suggests, eyebrows wiggling. 
You roll your eyes. “Only if you can get Jimin and the Eighth Notes to back you up, again. Then maybe I’ll allow it.”
Jungkook grins. He’s far past the point of being deterred by your deadpan comments. If anything, they only encourage him more. But you, for obvious reasons, cannot give in. At least, not yet, anyway. 
“Okay, go eat your lunch,” he says, nodding as you begin to part ways. “I’ll text you later, okay?”
You smile. “Okay. See you.”
“See you, too.”
The moment you get back to your apartment you put all seven roses in an old vase filled with water. They brighten up your bedroom instantly, soft scent freshening up the air. And when you go to bed that night, it is to Jungkook’s sweet, delicate voice, like walking on clouds, like satin and silk, that you fall asleep.
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“Good morning, Y/N,” Jungkook greets like always, smiling at you as you walk in the door for FILM395. 
“Good morning, Jungkook,” you say in response. 
Then, you take a seat right next to him. 
It’s an act that clearly catches everyone off guard, if the bewildered looks of your fellow classmates and Jungkook’s confused expression are anything to go by. Even Pollack, when she walks through the door, gets a bit of a shock, eyes widening when she sees the two of you seated next to each other. 
You suppose all the fuss is understandable. After all, you both sort of hate each other. 
Other than the sudden change in seating arrangement, however, the rest of the class goes off without much issue. Pollack lectures for an hour before you move into discussion, at which point it becomes a class participation free-for-all, with you and Jungkook almost definitely in the lead. Just because you’re now sitting next to each other doesn’t mean either of you are suddenly going to stop raising your hands to rebuke each other’s points. Some things never change. 
Sitting next to Jungkook is not as bad as you thought it would be. For one, he is, for the most part, a rather diligent student. Other than his occasional flicks to his email, an essay he’s working on, or your discussion board, he mostly sits and takes notes and doesn’t do anything else. That, you can at least give him credit for. And even though your elbows almost always nearly crash into each other’s when you’re raising your hands to respond to a point Pollack’s made, discussion isn’t so bad either. 
One of the perks of sitting directly beside each other is that whenever he says something stupid, or saccharine, or just overly unrealistic, you don’t have to just roll your eyes from the back of the classroom while you wait to be called on. You also get to kick his foot with your own, nudge your elbow into his side. And he does the same to you. You and Jungkook are like those neighbors in sitcoms that spend all their free time shouting at each other from opposite windows. Just because your seats have gotten closer doesn’t mean your viewpoints have. 
A notification pops up on your laptop.
[March 17th, 11:05AM]
Jungkook: wanna meet at the tables outside after class?
You look over at Jungkook with a frown.
You: Why are you texting me? We’re sitting right next to each other
Jungkook: because we’re in class obvs Jungkook: dont wanna be disruptive
You: Since when has that ever stopped you before?
Jungkook: haha very funny Jungkook: tables sound good?
You: Only since you asked so nicely :)
Jungkook: thoughtful as always i see
After class, you and Jungkook both hang around, waiting for each other to pack up your belongings so you can walk to the tables together. Everyone else seems to sense this weird, uncomfortable tension in the room, because they all book it out of the door much faster than either of you do. You’re almost convinced Jungkook purposely takes extra time to zip his backpack, just because. 
The tables are, as per usual, empty. But you don’t have a pile of receipts to spread out, this time. You and Jungkook take a seat at one of them as you pull out your laptops, ready to outline the rest of the project. 
“We should probably meet with Taehyung a couple more times, too,” you suggest as you begin to brainstorm. 
“Sounds good,” Jungkook agrees. “But we can’t meet at night on weekdays anymore. My dance group’s show is coming up and we have practice then.”
You stop typing and turn to him. “I didn’t know you were in a dance group.”
Jungkook shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “I don’t really talk about it that much.”
“You should.”
He looks up at you at that, eyes wide as he faces you. 
“I don’t know, it seems like something you should be passionate about,” you say. In the same way that you promote the Film Club to every freshman you know, force all your friends to mark that they’re Interested in your event pages on Facebook. Jungkook should want to tell everyone about his dance group. Doesn’t he love it? Isn’t he proud to be in it?
Jungkook doesn’t look like he knows what to say to that. So he doesn’t say anything at all. 
“We can meet on weekends too,” you say, adjusting to his new change of schedule easily. “This project isn’t as all-consuming as I thought it would be.”
“You mean I’m not as all-consuming as you thought I would be,” Jungkook corrects. 
You shake your head. “No, you are.” He laughs. “But yeah, on weekends is fine. You know my schedule. What else should we do, besides talk to Taehyung?”
It’s like a lightbulb goes off above Jungkook’s head. “Let’s go on a date.”
You narrow your eyes at him. “No.”
“What do you mean, “no”? It’s the natural progression of our relationship! It’s the next step in the rom-com! We have to,” Jungkook insists. 
“First of all, it’s a mockumentary, not a rom-com,” you say with a sigh, finding yourself having to correct him rather frequently. “Secondly, we are not in a relationship. I am not dating you and you are not dating me.”
“Okay, but at this point in rom-coms the two leads would definitely go on a date,” Jungkook says, punctuating every word for emphasis. “What’s the harm? It’s not like you’re committing yourself to a future with me.”
“Thank God,” you mutter. 
“Oh, shut up. You probably haven’t been on a date in years, anyway. Why not spend a night out?”
You frown at that. “Who cares if I have or have not been on a date?” Why does Jungkook care so much about the history of your love life? He’s always saying stuff like this, always telling you things as if you’ve never been in a relationship at all, don’t know left from right, black from white. Who is he to be making those assumptions?
“Please, Y/N,” Jungkook begs, looking desperate. “Just one evening. And then if it really goes terribly and you end up hating me again, then we don’t have to do another one.”
You sigh, shoulders slumping. Well, what else are you going to do? You don’t have any other ideas. And you’ve already spent so much time with Jungkook this semester, what’s another evening? Just something else to cross off of your list of things to film. Maybe you can get him to take a cute photo of you to post on social media. 
“Fine,” you concede. “One date. And I still hate you, by the way.”
Jungkook clearly does not believe you. “Really? You still hate me? I’m sure you do.”
“Okay, I don’t hate you. But still,” you relent again. Perhaps you’re just being oddly soft today. Too lenient for your own good. 
Jungkook grins, cheeks little round circles as his lips curve up. “I know you like me. You just can’t admit it to yourself, can you? Can’t take that blow to your dignity.”
“Don’t think so highly of yourself,” you chide. 
“Who knows?” Jungkook tacks on, just to be extra annoying. “Maybe you’re actually starting to fall in love with me.”
You scoff. “You wish.”
“Well, are you?”
Jungkook doesn’t ask the question the same way he’s asked all of the other ones. Doesn’t say it with a shit-eating grin on his face or that glint in his eyes. He’s asking because he’s curious. Curious if what he’s been doing has been working. Curious if this project is really accomplishing anything at all. 
Funnily enough, you find yourself wondering the exact same thing.
Silent, you pausing for a moment to think, chewing on the inside of your lip. Jungkook’s looking back at you, lips curled upwards as he waits for a response. Ugh, you’ll just have to give it up. What else can you say? “I guess…” you begin, hesitating. 
You aren’t sure why you’re so scared to respond. Maybe you’re just worried that things will change if you say something. If you tell him the truth. 
But it’s just Jungkook. He’s sitting in front of you patiently, waiting for your answer. What could happen?
You confess. “I guess you’re not so bad after all.”
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Even though this is not the first time you’ve ever been out on a “date” (you’re using that word tentatively), picking out what to wear isn’t any easier than the last time. 
“Is black too, you know, sexy?”
Ruby shrugs on the other end of the video call. Her phone is propped up on her desk as she works on something on her laptop, glancing over every now and then whenever you prompt her to respond. “Well, that depends. Do you wanna fuck?”
“No.”
“Then it might be too sexy,” Ruby says easily. “What are you even doing? I thought you didn’t go out on dates.”
“It’s not a date,” you insist, although you’re not exactly sure which of the two of you you’re trying to convince. 
“You’re asking me what kind of sexy dress to wear for a night out with a guy. It’s a date,” Ruby reminds you, economical as always. “Who are you even going out with, anyway? You just called and asked me to pick between two dresses I have literally never seen you wear before.”
“That’s because I don’t go out on dates, which this is not,” you tell her, even expending the energy to stare into the camera to hammer your point home. “And it’s with Jungkook.”
Ruby shuts her laptop at that. You can hear the sound of her keyboard clacking as the lid hits them. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Do I need to remind you that this is not a date and therefore, you don’t need to be acting like I just told you I’m getting married.” You frown at her. “It’s just for our movie. Jungkook wants me to dress nicely, though.”
“Wear that nice summer dress you have,” Ruby instructs instead, shooing away the two much sexier options you’re currently holding in your hands. “Just put tights on underneath if you’re cold.”
“This one?” You ask, shuffling through your closet until you produce the gingham dress, plaid a pale yellow that matches gold jewelry rather well. 
“Yes, that one. I like that one,” Ruby says with a nod. “You look good in it.”
“I don’t know, I feel like it’s not appropriate.” You hesitate. It’s a cute dress, sure, but it seems too… casual. Too everyday. Jungkook’s taking you out to dinner, and no doubt he’s got something else planned for the rest of the evening. 
“I mean, you did say you had no plans on fucking him tonight,” Ruby reminds you coarsely. 
“I have no plans on fucking him at all,” you reiterate. “This is not a date. It is for our movie.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Ruby brushes you off with a wave of her hand. “Wear whatever you want, but I like your yellow dress the most. It looks really nice on you. And if it’s not a date, then neither you nor Jungkook should care.”
“Ruby—”
“I gotta go. Enjoy your not-date!”
She hangs up. 
You end up wearing the yellow dress. Jungkook knocks on your apartment door just as you’re closing the clasp to your necklace, a gold choker your mother had gifted you for a birthday a couple of years ago. It’s nothing much. You grab a jacket on your way to answer the door, wrapping it around your figure as you twist the knob. 
On the other side is Jungkook, all decked out in black jeans and a clean-cut leather jacket, the black ensemble striking against his warm-toned skin and bleached, blonde hair. You hate to admit it, but he actually does look rather good. For Jeon Jungkook. 
“Hi—whoa,” Jungkook says, doing a little whistle when he sees you, eyes bulging out of their sockets. 
You chuckle. “‘Whoa’ yourself.”
“You, uh…” Jungkook stammers slightly, a hand coming up to rub at the nape of his neck. The movement lifts his arm up just enough for you to see the line of his waist, the seamlessness of his body. He’s always been rather fit. “You look nice.”
“Don’t sound so surprised,” you chide, stepping outside and pulling the door shut behind you. “You don’t look half bad yourself.”
“Cleaned up just for you.” He grins. 
You press a hand to your heart dramatically. “I’m touched.” You begin walking down the hallway of your small apartment building, feeling your hands brushing by your sides due to how skinny the corridor is. At least, that’s what you assume. 
“Where are we going?” You ask as Jungkook opens the door to the passenger side of his car for you. 
He winks, that same gleam in his eye. He grins something wicked. “Don’t you remember?” He asks. “It’s a secret.”
The secret turns out to be a small Italian restaurant on an off-road in the center of town, a family joint with those plaid red tablecloths and dark wooden chairs. You’d never heard of the place before tonight, but Jungkook insists that it’s delicious and says it has a four-and-a-half star rating on Yelp, which is obviously gospel when it comes to restaurants. It’s so empty that he even has room to prop up the camera a couple of tables away to get that wide-angle shot of the both of you, two souls in a tiny little restaurant, enjoying a night out on the town. You’re sure that by the time production and post-production rolls around you’ll edit out most of your dialogue, but you like the idea of keeping in snippets of the audio, overlaying the scene with a soft instrumental. 
From a director’s point of view, of course. No other reason to romanticize your night with him. 
It’s nice. Objectively, it’s definitely one of the more exciting things you’ve done in a while, even if it’s just a dinner out in town, away from campus. It’s new. Adventurous. Jungkook convinces you to try his vodka shrimp linguine and you offer up some of your truffle-flavored gnocchi, which he devours happily. One thing you do learn is that no matter how much time passes, no matter how much food is on his plate, Jungkook eats and eats and eats. He never seems to fill up. This is one of those restaurants that pile your bowls high with pasta, give you at least three servings, send you home with to-go packages that will last you for days, and he still somehow manages to eat every last bite. He even has some of your leftovers. 
Jungkook pays because he insists and says that you shouldn’t fight on camera, which you have no choice but to agree to. However, you do look him up on Venmo and send him twenty dollars to cover your half of the bill, because the idea of him paying for you doesn’t sit right with you. It was fine with the coffee, a small token of repayment after spilling it all over you, but dinner just feels like too much. Like he’s carrying most of the weight and you aren’t shouldering enough. Like he’s putting in all of the effort and you are just bandwagoning off of him. 
And partnerships aren’t supposed to be like that. Jungkook isn’t supposed to do all of the work. You aren’t supposed to do nothing. You and Jungkook may not agree on much but you both know that you are equals. That what you put in is what you get out. 
It’s a lesson you think you learned too late, but you won’t make those mistakes again. You’ll get it right this time. 
“That was nice,” Jungkook says after the dinner. You’re walking through the park just across the street now, the sun having set and the streetlamps illuminating your path. The city has strung up lights along the trees, draped them over the branches like stars, like snowflakes. It’s picturesque. 
“Yeah.” You nod. “Thanks for taking me.”
“Thanks for coming.”
“How did you discover that place?” You ask, just out of curiosity. It’s not exactly the kind of restaurant that would be front and center on Google. 
“I went out on a date in freshman year there,” Jungkook admits, lips pursed awkwardly. “Yeah.”
“Did it at least go well?” You ask, trying to be hopeful. 
“If it did, do you think I’d still be here doing this with you?” Jungkook poses, an eyebrow raised. 
You chuckle to yourself. “You don’t mean that. I’m sure you’ll find your person.”
“You actually believe in that stuff now?” Jungkook asks you, skeptical. 
“I don’t know,” you say, shrugging your shoulders. “You do. I don’t wanna ruin it for you. Your person’s out there somewhere.”
“How do you know I haven’t already found my person?”
You stop in the middle of the path, feet coming to a halt on the pavement. Jungkook looks at you and you look back at him, letting his question sink into your skin, etch itself into your thoughts. He’s asking you because he wants to know. He looks so genuine, so patient, like he’s trying to find an answer somewhere in your eyes but you can’t give him one. 
“Wouldn’t you be able to tell when you did?”
Jungkook sighs. “I don’t know if it always works like that.”
You smile, soft and small. Musing, you say, “well, when you figure it out, let me know.”
“Do you think you’ve found your person?” Jungkook asks you. 
“You know I don’t think about love like that,” you remind him. 
“Well, how do you think about it?”
You gaze up at him once more, that same soft smile playing on your lips. Who is he to be asking you these questions, you wonder to yourself. What would the point be in answering him? It’s better if you just both moved on. Especially since stuff like this has no relevance to your project. 
“I don’t really think about love at all,” you say curtly. 
“I wish you did,” admits Jungkook. 
The look in your eyes is distant. “Yeah.” You wish you did, too.
“How about we do a couple of quick shots, right here?” Jungkook suggests, pulling out the camera. “Just here, the lighting’s nice.” He jogs back a couple of feet, lining himself up with where you stand, kneeling on the pavement with the camera held up to his eye. 
“What do you want me to do?” You call to him, feeling like a fish out of water in front of the lens, thumbs twiddling. 
“Just smile,” Jungkook requests simply. “Say hi to me.”
Sounds easy enough. Under the twinkling lights of the trees, in the haze of their warm yellow glow, you wave to Jungkook, smiling happily. You aren’t exactly sure what the purpose of these shots are, but you suppose you could always use some artistic frames in your movie. Grinning, you keep your eyes trained on him, on the way you can see him smiling back at you even from behind the camera. His eyes are covered, you can’t see those, but you hope they’re smiling too. 
“Okay, my turn,” you say when a little too much time has passed, when it’s just past the point of filming for the sake of a movie and more for the sake of something else. “Get over here.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you idiot.” You scurry over to Jungkook, taking the camera from his hands and pushing in in the general direction of where you were just standing. Situating yourself, you kneel right where Jungkook was, bringing the camera to your eyes. 
Through the lens, you can see the entire width of the pathway, the grass that borders it, the lights decorating the branches of the trees, and Jungkook, front and center. He looks like he has no idea what he’s doing there, waiting awkwardly as he gazes around, eyes drifting everywhere but exactly where you need them: you. He looks good like this, looks much taller, much more romantic. Like a real movie star. Like a model. His clothes make him blend in with the darkness of the night but his eyes are still shimmering, golden flecks twinkling, even from all the way over here. 
You have to admit it. He’s beautiful.
“Smile,” you say, pressing film. 
Jungkook grins your way. 
Afterwards, you give him his camera back and continue walking, turning the corner as you reach the edge of the park, ready to circle around the perimeter.
“How about we hold hands, too?”
“Excuse you?” You say, an eyebrow raised. 
“Come on, just for a second,” Jungkook pleads. “For the artistry. I’ll film us holding hands like all those Los Angeles boys do in YouTube vlogs.”
You look at him suspiciously. Is he sure it’s just for the artistry? “What a great example.”
“Please? Promise I always put hand cream on,” Jungkook asks, bottom lip turned outwards. 
It’s getting harder and harder to say no to him. 
“Fine,” you cave rather easily this time around. “Just for a minute.”
“Excellent.”
Jungkook lifts the camera up to his eye with his right hand as he holds out his left, palm facing the sky as he waits for you to rest your own in his. You narrow your eyes to the camera before your gaze drifts downwards to his open hand, almost like you’re afraid it’s going to jump out and bite at you if you get any closer. But it won’t, because it’s a hand. And it won’t, because it’s just Jungkook. 
The first thing you realize when your fingers intertwine with his is how big his hands are. They are massive. His left one dwarfs your own, wrapping around it securely, enveloping it like a king-sized comforter. The second thing you realize is how soft they are (he must not have been lying about the hand cream). The third thing you realize is the way they send sparks up and down your body, send tingles through your skin, shocks through your veins. You seize up a little bit at the feeling before your body finds it in itself to relax, letting the sensation wash over you like a wave from the ocean. 
It’s new. 
It’s strange. 
You haven’t felt that way in a long time. Felt those sparks, those jolts of energy. Like lightning has struck. 
Jungkook moves so that your hands are held out in front of you, making sure to adjust the lens just so he can get the exact right angle, but all you can focus on is the way your fingers interlock, the way your hand settles into his. 
You wonder what that means. 
The moment Jungkook lowers the camera you pull your hand away, overwhelmed and scared and shocked all at once. Like you’re afraid that if you reach out to him again, your whole body will freeze in place, shake like the wind. 
Jungkook looks at you, concern lacing his features. “You alright?” He asks, genuine and worried. 
You shake your head, willing those thoughts away. “I’m fine, I’m fine. You get the shot?”
“Yeah, I did,” Jungkook says. 
“And how do they look?” You ask because you can’t help yourself. Because you just have to know. 
Jungkook pauses, not sure how to respond. He chews on his lips like he’s running through all the possible answers, trying to figure out which one is right. You almost think he’s not going to reply at all, but then he smiles, and he says this: 
“Magical.”
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It feels weird for you to be arriving at Kim Taehyung’s door without Jungkook by your side. Doesn’t sit right in your stomach. 
Of course, Taehyung is as hospitable as always, welcoming you inside with his signature warm grin as he sets up the bar stools by the bedsheet, which you assume he will just not take down until your project’s over. Hopefully he’s getting use out of it otherwise, shooting nudes or whatever it is he said he would do. 
“Thanks for having me,” you say, resting your backpack against the foot of his couch as you set up the tripod, arranging it in just the right spot. It’s not Jungkook’s fancy camera that you’ve got with you, just your own from a couple years ago, but it’ll get the job done. You couldn’t ask Jungkook to borrow his, anyway. You’d pass away before he found out you did this. 
“We might not use this footage,” you warn in advance. “I just figured it’s safer to film everything just in case.”
“Why wouldn’t you use it?” Taehyung asks, genuinely curious. 
“Because I don’t know if this conversation will really have a point,” you say nervously, fingers fidgeting with the settings until everything’s just right. 
“I’m sure it’ll be important,” Taehyung assures you. You’re not so confident. “Ready to get started?”
“Yes, everything’s all set up,” you say, concentrating on your breathing as you make your way to the stool. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Why are you so worried?
“So, Y/N, how are you feeling right now?” Taehyung begins. 
You sigh. “Confused.”
“And why is that?”
“I… I don’t really know what direction I’m going in anymore for this project,” you say, letting yourself be candid and honest because it’s just Taehyung, and because you may not even use this footage, and because Jungkook’s not here. He doesn’t know you’ve asked Taehyung to do this for you. He doesn’t need to. 
“And is this because of Jungkook?”
“Yes.” Another easy answer. 
“How are you feeling about him?”
“I’m…” you don’t know where to begin. “I’m not sure. I just know that something’s changed.”
“Your feelings have changed?” Taehyung isn’t reacting, just asking questions in response to your answers and pretending that everything is normal, that this is just another interview. 
“I guess they have,” you admit. Even just saying that feels like a weight off your chest. A small one, five pounds out of a thousand. But it’s a difference. “I… don’t really know how I feel about him anymore.”
“In a good or bad way?”
Taehyung told you he would ask tough questions, but you don’t know if you can answer these anymore. 
“I don’t know,” you say, feeling yourself growing desperate with impatience. “I don’t feel the same things about him that I used to. He’s different to me now.”
“Do you think he’s changed?”
“Something has.”
“Have you considered the possibility that maybe you’ve changed, too?”
You frown, caught off-guard by his question. No, you haven’t. You haven’t thought about that at all. Why would you? Your stance is the same. Your opinions on love haven’t changed. And neither have your convictions about this project, about the way it will end. 
“No,” you say, nose scrunched up. 
“Well, I’m no expert, but I think there might be something between the two of you that wasn’t there before,” Taehyung says, nodding. “I think that the ways the two of you have changed have brought you together.”
“I don’t know about that…” You trail off. You can feel yourself growing hesitant again, pulling back from saying too much because you’ve never been a very good speaker. Because you’ve always preferred being behind the camera to being in front of it. 
“Don’t you think you should tell him how you feel?”
You scoff. At least that’s got an easy answer. A no-brainer. “No,” you say matter-of-factly, obvious because it is, stern because telling him was never an option anyway. Why else does Taehyung think you’re here without him? “Jungkook said he would get me to fall in love with him and I told him I would never. How could I ever let him think he was actually winning?”
Taehyung sighs.
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You haven’t seen Jungkook since your class on Wednesday. Granted, it’s only Saturday, but it feels like it’s been a weirdly long time. Like you’re so used to him barging into your life on the daily that there’s something off about even going three days without seeing him. Maybe it’s just because you’re nearing the beginning of April and your project is finally picking up steam. Between the two of you, you almost definitely have more than two hour’s worth of footage, but the hard part will be paring it down and turning it into a forty-five minute documentary. No doubt you and Jungkook will be spending a lot of time together the week before it’s due. 
Just out of curiosity, you text him. Because you have no idea what he’s been getting up to. 
[March 28th, 1:05PM]
You: Hey, do you think we need to get together sometime this weekend?
Jungkook: i don’t think i can Jungkook: it’s my dance group’s show this weekend
You: Really? You: You didn’t tell me
Jungkook: been too busy
You: What time is your show tonight?
Jungkook: 7pm
You: Sounds good, I’ll be there
Jungkook: oh Jungkook: you don’t have to
You: I want to You: I’ll see you there!
That night, you drop by the grocery store beforehand to pick up a bouquet of flowers. You haven’t been a performing arts show for years now, especially not one where you actually know the people performing, but flowers are customary. Or so you’ve heard. 
You don’t know a single soul who has plans on seeing Jungkook’s dance group either, but the theater is a ten-minute walk away from campus and you’re happy to make the trek alone, especially because you know you’ll find someone you know soon enough. Sometimes it’s nice to walk by yourself, letting the streetlamps above your head illuminate your path, a faceless figure passing by others. It brings peace. And it gives you time to sift through your thoughts, organize them into neat little piles and brush away all of the dust. 
Admittedly, you are not much of a connoisseur of the performing arts. You aren’t even much of a consumer. In another universe, under different circumstances, you wouldn’t blink twice if you heard that one of the dance groups on campus was having their show. But this is not another universe, and these are not different circumstances. 
Jungkook will be there. He is taking something he’s worked tirelessly on and presenting it to the world. Now that you think about it, it’s actually a lot like film. And if Jungkook has devoted so much time, put so much energy into this performance, what kind of person would you be if you didn’t go and watch his creation?
You pick a seat in the far back corner, the venue so cozy that even despite being the furthest away you’ve still got an excellent view, sit down, and wait for it to begin. 
[March 28th, 6:58PM]
Jungkook: hey are you here?
You: I guess you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?
Jungkook: always such a tease
You roll your eyes at that, turning your phone off and stowing it away in your pocket. Two minutes later, the lights dim. 
The moment Jungkook steps out onto the stage, you recognize him instantly. He’s wearing all black again, but it’s not the same skinny jeans and leather jacket he had on when he took you out to dinner. It’s a loose long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants that hang low on his hips, highlighting the blondeness of his hair, the red in his lips. He’s one of at least a dozen people on stage but he’s the only one you focus on, the only one who your eyes follow. Booming throughout the theater is a Drake song, the beat thick and low, but it’s background noise when compared to the way he moves, the way he twists and turns his body on stage, angles sharp and crisp. 
The whole song goes by so quickly that by the time you find it in yourself to blink the stage is already darkening as they move onto the next song, switching out the performers and changing the spotlight colors to a sultry red. Jungkook disappears for this one, vanishing behind the curtains and forcing you to pay attention to the performance as a whole instead of just him. But you have to hand it to his group: they’re excellent. You’ve been missing out. 
Jungkook returns with the next song, having had just enough time to change into an all-white ensemble. He’s easy to spot even with that ridiculous bucket hat on, blonde hair bouncing with every step he takes, every jerk of his body. You can see it all the way from where you sit, see the way he loses himself in the music, lets the rhythm radiate through his blood, lets his heart match the beat that booms through the speakers. This, all of it, the music, the dancing, the energy—it’s all his. It belongs to him. Jungkook may love film but he is passionate about this. It is something that must bring him all the joy in the world. 
The next hour and a half goes by quickly, the songs jumping from one to another to another, Jungkook dashing on and off stage, each time returning in a different getup than the one prior. Makes you wonder just how many clothes he has. But before you know it the final song is playing and every one, every single member is on stage, jumping and cheering and celebrating a job well done. And they should, because they deserve to. 
When the lights in the theater come on, nobody leaves. Instead, everyone rushes towards the stage to say hello to everybody, congratulate them on their performance and take pictures with their friends. That’s why everyone else is here, isn’t it? Because the people they care about performed tonight. 
Isn’t that why you’re here, too?
Jungkook has plenty of other friends already wrapping their arms around him, giving him high-fives and pats on the back, but you’ve got a bouquet of assorted flowers in your hands and you have no plans on bringing them home. So you squeeze your way through the crowd, push yourself in between bodies, and you shout, 
“Jungkook!”
Jungkook looks up instantly at the call of his name, the round shape of his lips curving upwards into a smile when he sees you. 
“Hey, you made it!” He exclaims happily. He’s so pumped on the adrenaline that he pulls you into a hug without either of you even realizing it, wrapping his arms around your torso and squeezing you tight for a few moments before the two of you remember just exactly who you both are. Quickly, you pull away, chuckling awkwardly. Jungkook scratches at the back of his head. “Thanks for, uh—thanks for coming.”
“Of course,” you say happily. “You were amazing.”
“What can I say, I’m a man of many talents,” Jungkook schmoozes, annoying as always. 
You scoff slightly. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. Here, I brought this for you. It’s traditional, right?” You hold out the bouquet in front of you, pink plastic wrapping crunched up from where your fingers gripped the stems. 
“Wow, thank you,” Jungkook says, in awe as he takes the flowers from you, pressing his face into the petals instinctively. “No one’s ever gotten me flowers before.”
“Really?” You say, genuinely surprised at his admission. He’s never been given flowers before? Not even for a performance? You didn’t know that, either. “Then I’m glad to be the first.”
“You know you didn’t have to do that,” Jungkook says, though he looks grateful nonetheless. 
You shrug, acting casual. “Aren’t we supposed to be falling in love, or something?”
He grins. 
“Did you guys film this? Maybe we could incorporate it into the movie,” you suggest, thinking it might be interesting to add in glimpses into your normal lives, into the things you do when you aren’t trying to one-up each other. 
Jungkook shakes his head. “We did, but I don’t think we need to add it in.”
“Why not?” It seems like a perfect addition. 
Jungkook pulls out a single flower from the bouquet, a pale yellow daisy, and hands it to you. You smile your thanks, twirling the stem in between your fingers. 
“I don’t know,” he says, looking oddly soft, cheeks turning cherry red. He looks at you and it makes your heart flutter, quickens the drum of your chest. “I just think I’d like to keep this moment to ourselves.”
You suppose he’s got a point. You don’t think you’ll forget this night, either. 
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The bouquet you gave him sits on Jeon Jungkook’s bedroom windowsill, bathing in the afternoon sun. Taehyung gave him some plant food the morning after you came to his performance, a little bottle that he can spritz into the water whenever the flowers look a little droopy. Jungkook adds some every day, determined to keep them alive for as long as possible. He also makes sure he’s got a rather heavy book or two, something he can use to press one of them when they’ve all shriveled up. 
It was really nice of you to come to his show, he thinks to himself. Jungkook can’t remember the last time someone outside of his group of close friends went to see him perform, not any of his past dates or even that one girl he was seeing semi-seriously for a couple months last year until she told him she wasn’t interested in him anymore. You’re the first one who’s made the effort, who’s told him that you would come and kept that promise. The flowers are just a happy reminder. 
As a celebration for completing their last show, Jungkook and some of the other juniors in his dance crew decide to go out the following weekend, determined to waste away their Saturday nights at a bar just off of campus where they can take as many shots of as many different types of alcohols as they want. The place even has soju, which makes Jungkook’s heart happy. 
Despite the temptation to drink until his brain is empty, however, Jungkook holds off. He’s got a lot of work tomorrow, most of it consisting of editing the footage you have for the project, and doesn’t really feel like staring at a computer for eight hours straight with a headache. So he limits himself. For the most part. 
“Who was that girl that came to the show?” One of his friends, Andrew, asks as he downs another shot of what is undoubtedly vodka, if the smell is anything to go by. “With the flowers?”
“Is she your girlfriend?” Jesse pipes up, red in the face from the alcohol in his system. He’s always been one to turn into a tomato after drinking. 
Jungkook chuckles awkwardly, shaking his head when the bartender offers him another shot glass full of soju. “No,” he says, forcing a laugh. “Just a friend.”
“I don’t know, you guys looked pretty close to me,” Andrew points out, like it wasn’t already obvious enough that Jungkook is head over heels for you. 
“She and I are working on a film project together,” Jungkook explains, though that does absolutely nothing to convince his friends of your completely platonic relationship. 
“Sounds fun,” Jesse says, swallowing another shot and wincing. “It was nice of her to bring you flowers. My girlfriend didn’t do that.”
“Shut up, your girlfriend is studying abroad in Paris right now,” Andrew says, giving Jesse a good-natured shove. “I’m gonna tell her you said that.”
“What, please don’t—”
“She’s not my girlfriend, guys,” Jungkook repeats himself, feeling his cheeks heat up the longer the conversation drags on. He chalks it up to the soju in his system and the fact that it feels like a sauna in here. “Seriously, we’re just friends. People can be friends and bring each other flowers.”
Jesse pumps his fist in the air. “Yeah!” He rounds on Andrew. “Where are my flowers, hey Andrew?”
The two of them start bickering as Jungkook laughs, shaking his head fondly. At least he’s not drunk, so he can remember nights like these, ones where he’s drinking with his stupid idiot friends, celebrating a show well done. 
Jungkook stays at the bar until eleven that night before he makes the executive decision to go home and sleep, because as much as he would like to party until three in the morning, he’s got a pile of work that’s telling him to be a real adult. So he bids his friends goodbye and begins to make the trek back to his apartment, passing by the row of frat houses on his way. 
Even though he’s out on the sidewalk, Jungkook can feel the ground rumble from the music, every frat on the block joining together to make some booming, bass monster. From here he can see the flashing blue and purple lights in the windows, see the brothers standing on the steps of each house and turning away whoever they deem unfit to enter. 
In a weird way, it makes Jungkook nostalgic. Reminiscent of when he was a freshman, when he would group up with all of the people in his hall and parade around the frat row on Saturday nights like they owned the place, getting drunk on shitty tequila and jumping until they sweat out their body fluids. He remembers those nights in flashes, bits and pieces that make up his memory of freshman year as a whole. Remembers kissing other girls, other girls kissing him. Remembers the way he would lock lips with them for a second and then forget about it by the next day. 
Jungkook wonders why he ever thought he would meet his soulmate at a frat party. 
He’s just passing the last frat house now, nodding to the guy on the step when they accidentally meet eyes, when he hears you call his name. 
“Jungkook!”
He whips around to see you on the other side of the road, waving at him excitedly while your friends all laugh, sending smiles Jungkook’s way. 
Jungkook isn’t exactly sure what the protocol is for a scenario like this, so he does what he thinks is right and waves back. 
“Come over here!” You shout at him, loosely gesturing for him to join your group. Jungkook is hesitant, not sure if that’s necessarily the best course of action because even from here he can tell that you’re drunk, leaning over to one side and giggling at nothing. But even if he isn’t sure what will happen he can’t help but fall into the way you’re beaming at him, waving excitedly because you saw him on the street and you wanted to say hello.
He’s never been able to resist you. 
“Hey, what are you doing out here?” He says as he jogs over, greeting the rest of your friends with a patient smile. 
“Went out with my friends,” you say. Jungkook can smell the alcohol on your lips. “And then I saw you, which made me happy!”
You stumble over nothing, shoes skipping as they drag along the pavement, and before any of your friends can react Jungkook is reaching his arms out, catching you before you fall flat on your face. Your hands press against his torso as he lifts you back to your feet, and all Jungkook can do is pray that you can’t hear the way his heart races, beat drumming in his ears. You giggle in his hold, disoriented but not at all uneasy, looking up at him as your eyes sparkle in the glow of the streetlamps. 
“Thanks,” you manage to cough out. 
“Sure,” Jungkook says, breathless. He stands you up and tries to let you go, but you keep your hands tight around his wrists. “I think we need to get you home.”
“Can you come with me?” You ask innocently, eyes wide. 
“Y/N…” One of your friends says, voice hesitant. She places a hand on your shoulder, looking concerned. Jungkook doesn’t take any offense to it, he doesn’t know your friends well and imagines that they would much prefer being the ones to drop you back at your place. 
You shrug her off. “No, it’s okay, Ruby,” you assure your friend, hand inching down Jungkook’s wrist until it rests firmly within his palm. “I’ll go with him.”
Ruby eyes Jungkook suspiciously and her gaze is so intense that it actually makes him doubt his ability to walk you home for a moment. But you seem intent on walking with him, and the sooner you go home the better, so Ruby relents and lifts her hand from your shoulder. “Alright, if you want to.” She keeps her eyes trained on Jungkook. “Text me when you’re back.”
“I will, I will,” you say, brushing her off and waving her away. “Let’s go, Jungkook. I’m sleepy.”
“Okay, come on,” he says. You smile happily at your friends as you say goodbye, cheerful and drunk and tired, all at once, and you begin to walk towards your apartment. 
“I’m glad you’re here,” you tell him, positively filter-less. 
“I’m glad I’m here, too,” Jungkook assures you. “What did you have to drink tonight?”
“Not sure,” you admit happily. “Just a lot.”
“I can tell.” Jungkook nods. “Were you at a frat party?”
“Several,” you correct him. “They weren’t that fun but at least the drinks were free.”
“Why were you at a frat party if you don’t like them?” Jungkook asks you, nose scrunched up. You certainly aren’t the kind of person to hide your distaste for things. That is something that Jungkook is intimately familiar with. 
You shrug. “It’s the cheapest place to get drunk.”
“Why did you want to get drunk?” This is seeming more and more out-of-character for you. Going to a place you despise, taking shots until you can’t walk straight, meandering around campus with Jungkook. All of these are things Jungkook could never in a million years picture you doing out of free will. 
Well, all of them except maybe the last one. You did come to his dance show, after all. 
You sigh. It’s thick and heavy and Jungkook has a feeling you won’t want to divulge any more. “I just wanted to forget.”
But the curiosity is eating at him. 
“Forget what?”
Your grip on his hand tightens. Jungkook fully expects you to dodge the question like you’ve dodged all of the ones prior, say something else to change the topic so you can sweep this discussion under the rug like all of the other ones you’ve had. But you don’t. 
Instead, you say, “You wanna know why I don’t love love the way you do?”
“You don’t have to tell me,” Jungkook quickly assures you. 
“I had better options than this place,” you say, voice hollow and empty. “There were better universities that accepted me. Ones with higher-ranked film programs and bigger scholarships. I could have gone to any one of them and been just as happy. Maybe more.”
“But you didn’t,” Jungkook clarifies. 
“My ex-boyfriend goes to school ten minutes away from here,” you say, words that are most certainly news to Jungkook. You had a boyfriend? “He and I dated all throughout high school. I thought I was gonna marry him.”
The words sound so sad. It sounds like they don’t even belong to you. Like you’re recalling the memories of a different person, someone you’ve killed and buried, someone you were certain you would never have to face again. Yourself. Your past self. 
“And then he broke up with me at the beginning of last year and it was too late to transfer out.” Your words are slurred and garbled, like all you want is to get over with saying them in the first place. It’s not a dramatic revelation. It’s not something you’re crying about, sobbing into Jungkook’s chest as you remember, miserable, a time where you were once happy. You just sound lifeless. 
Jungkook blinks at you expectantly, waiting for you to continue. It doesn’t feel right for him to speak up. Not when you’ve just revealed to him something so personal, so drunk that you probably won’t even remember saying anything when you wake up tomorrow morning. 
What is he supposed to do with this knowledge? What is he supposed to say? To do? It’s not like Jungkook can change your past. It’s not even as if he can change the near future. Your project is almost finished—the semester is almost over. And then you will return to the time where you never even knew each other. 
“You can say something,” you tell him.
“What do you want me to say?” Jungkook says. 
“Something to make me feel better, because now I’m sad,” you request simply. “Seeing you made me happy.”
“Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and smile, then,” he muses to himself. 
“No, please keep talking,” you plead, leaning into his body with your bottom lip puffed out, eyes big and round and desperate. “Listening to you gets me to stop thinking about this stuff.”
Hearing that, Jungkook says the first thing that comes to mind. And that is, “You don’t have to think about that stuff anymore at all.”
“Hmm?” You murmur into his chest. Jungkook sees your apartment building up ahead. Just another block or so. 
“Well, that was your old love story,” he begins tentatively. Jungkook’s almost fully sober by now but he feels like he won’t ever get another opportunity to say this, and maybe whatever soju is left in his system is enough to get him through this conversation. Enough for him to muster up the confidence to tell you what he’s been wanting to tell you for a while now. 
Even if you forget it by tomorrow. He knows this is his only chance. 
“And it didn’t have a happy ending, but that’s okay. Because ours will.” 
You’re just coming up to your apartment complex, the rusted gold doors of the entrance sticking out against the beige of the building and the sidewalk, shimmering in the light of the streetlamps. You pause right outside, taking cover underneath the red awning above your heads. Looking up at him, you blink expectantly. 
“How do I know you mean that?” You ask. 
He almost does it. 
Jungkook doesn’t really know what washes over him in that moment, what takes his heart and mind prisoner for a split second, grip tight and unforgiving. But he’s staring straight into your watery eyes, glossy and glimmery and glowing, lost in the way you press your lips together, the way you gaze up at him and wait for him to tell you what he’s always wanted to say, and he almost does it. His hands press at your sides, holding you close, like he’s afraid that if he lets you go you’ll vanish without another trace and this night will all have been for naught. 
But he doesn’t. 
He doesn’t for a lot of reasons. You’re drunk. When you wake up tomorrow, you will not remember this conversation. But Jungkook will. And if he does it, if he kisses you, if he presses his lips to yours it will be burned into his thoughts, carved into his heart, and you will be none the wiser. Jungkook can’t do that to himself. And he can’t do that to you, either. He will never take advantage of your company. He never has.
“Because,” Jungkook says instead, having hesitated for far too long. “I promise you.”
It’s good enough for him. 
He tucks you into bed at 12:17AM that night, feet padding along your hardwood floor so he doesn’t wake up your neighbors, guiding you to your bedroom and reminding you to text Ruby that you made it home safely. Jungkook’s never gotten a very good look at your place, and even now it’s hard to make out most things without the main ceiling lights on, but he doesn’t really want to snoop. Even though you invited him in, he still feels like he’s intruding. You’ve always been so private. There were a lot of things said tonight that Jungkook is going to have to reckon with. 
Once you’re curled up beneath your sheets, eyes drooping, Jungkooks turns off the light on your nightstand and nearly, just about nearly, presses his lips to your forehead. He manages to avoid doing that, too. 
Instead, he pulls up your duvet and heads towards the main room, making a beeline for your front door. But before he can leave the room, he hears you mumble out his name. 
“Jungkook?” You call, voice groggy. 
“Yeah?” He looks back at you from where he stands in your door frame, one hand on the knob, ready to pull it closed. 
You smile, eyes fluttering. “Thank you,” you say. 
Jungkook grins. 
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The next morning you wake up with a pounding headache and three missed calls from Ruby, which undoubtedly means that something positively terrible happened last night. Unfortunately, you have no idea what happened at all last night, good or terrible, so whatever Ruby has to say will be news to you. 
Rubbing your eyes as you wrack your brain in the hopes of figuring out how you even ended up back at your apartment (when you swear you told Ruby you would stay at hers), you press on Ruby’s contact and call her. 
“Y/N? Hello? Are you there?” Ruby answers on the first ring. 
“I’m here,” you mumble out, words jumped and barely intelligible. You wince as your eyes adjust to the harsh blue light of your phone screen, squinting as you look at the time. 
Shit, it’s 11:43AM and you’re meeting Jungkook for coffee at noon. 
“Good, I called you three times last night after you texted,” Ruby wastes no time diving into her interrogation. 
“Why?” You ask, scrambling out of bed with your phone pressed between your shoulder and your ear. Your head throbs so you quickly take some Ibuprofen, splash your face with water, and start looking for something clean you can put on. 
“Because texting me ‘home’ is not enough!” Ruby exclaims. “Jungkook walked you home last night, I wanted to make sure you were tucked in bed and feeling alright.”
You frown. You don’t remember that. Granted, you don’t remember a lot of things, but you can’t recall Jungkook walking you back. You saw him last night? You didn’t even know. Scratching your head, a part of you vaguely pictures him standing in your apartment in the dark, resting against the door frame to your bedroom in the warm yellow light of the lamp on your nightstand. Can just barely see him tucking you into bed, placing the sheets over your figure and making you text Ruby that you’re home. You thought you were just imagining it at the time, but it must have happened anyway. 
“Jungkook walked me home?”
“Yeah, you insisted,” Ruby says. “You probably don’t remember, though.”
“No,” you say dumbly. 
“Well, I appreciate you texting me that you were home but I would have preferred something more explanatory,” scolds Ruby. “I thought maybe Jungkook was gonna do something.”
“Oh my goodness, no,” you immediately interject, pulling on your shoes and stuffing your laptop into your backpack. Just the thought of Jungkook doing something like that sends your stomach for a whirl. “He would never do that. I trust him.”
“I mean, I see that now,” Ruby points out. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine,” you promise. “Everything’s good.”
“Alright, if you say so,” Ruby says, still sounding a bit like an overprotective mother. You love her, though. You know she just wants the best for you. “Take it easy today, okay? You had a lot to drink last night.”
“I will,” you assure her. “I’m just on my way to meet up with Jungkook now. Getting coffee.”
“Make sure to eat, too,” Ruby reminds you. “And tell Jungkook that I said thanks for walking you home.”
“Anything else, Mom?”
You can practically see Ruby frowning on the other end. “Oh, shut up. I’ll see you, okay?”
She bids you goodbye just as you’re dashing out the door, your usual stride quickening so you make it to the cafe in time, not wanting to keep Jungkook waiting. You make it there in a record five minutes, pulling open the door frantically just as the clock strikes noon. 
Jungkook’s already there, of course, sitting by a little round table in the corner of the room with two americanos on the table. He waves when he sees you standing by the entrance, and the mere sight of him makes you smile, shoulders relaxing. 
“Hey,” you greet, a little out of breath as you settle into the chair across from him. 
“Hey,” Jungkook says back. “How are you feeling?”
“My head is killing me, but other than that I’m alright,” you admit, taking a sip of the drink. It’s piping hot but just the right amount of scalding, warming your insides after a night of filling them with pure poison. 
“Good.” He grins. “It’s nice to see your face.”
“Oh, yeah, speaking of which,” you say while still on the topic, “did you walk me home last night? I can’t remember.”
Jungkook nods. “Yeah, I bumped into you and your friends while I was on my way back from a bar.”
You wince. The fact that you don’t even remember that happening tells you enough. “I was super drunk, wasn’t I?”
Jungkook, nice as always, says, “I’ve seen worse.” It only makes you feel the slightest bit better. 
“Hope I didn’t say anything embarrassing,” you say, knowing you have a tendency to lose your filter almost entirely when you get wasted, letting any sort of mental reasoning fly out the door the moment you down another shot. And the thought of having told Jungkook something deeply humiliating or personal, or even him witnessing something stupid, makes you feel weirdly exposed. 
Jungkook freezes for a split second, almost like he’s buffering, like he’s about to say something but it’s just taking him an extra step to get the words out of his mouth. Then he takes a quick sip of his americano and shakes his head. “No, you didn’t. You were just very drunk. And clingy.”
“I’m so sorry you had to deal with that,” you apologize. You can’t imagine the hell you must have put Jungkook through last night. 
Jungkook laughs. “It’s okay. I’m glad we got you home safe.”
“Me, too.” You nod. You send a grateful smile his way. “Thanks for walking me, by the way. I really appreciate it. Ruby says thanks, too.”
“Anytime,” Jungkook says. It doesn’t sound like something that people say just to say it. The way that people say ‘anytime’ just so they can be friendly and amicable. He says it and he means it, says it genuinely and honestly, like it’s a real promise that he’s making. That he would be happy to walk you home again. No matter the hour. No matter how drunk you are. No matter what he’s doing. 
And that means a lot to you. 
“We should probably wrap up filming soon, huh?” You say, getting onto the topic at hand. Of course, the project is the whole reason you’re even talking to each other in the first place. “It’s due in three weeks.”
“Yeah, I was thinking of another outing? And maybe one more thing with Taehyung?” Jungkook suggests. 
You narrow your eyes suspiciously. “‘Another outing’, Jungkook? What exactly do you have in mind?”
He grins. 
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This time, Jungkook is the one with the flowers. 
When you open your front door they’re the first thing you see, an enormous bouquet of an assortment of spring flowers in a variety of colors—pinks and purples and oranges and yellows—gripped neatly in Jungkook’s hand. They stick out against his otherwise rather formal attire, a simple black dress shirt and jeans, nice shoes that compliment his figure. Black truly is the world’s most slimming color, and Jungkook is no exception. He looks good. 
“For you, m’lady,” Jungkook says dramatically as he holds out the bouquet in front of him.
“How thoughtful of you,” you muse to yourself, grinning. You take the flowers and press your whole face into them, breathing in the fresh scent. “The one I gave you wasn’t nearly this big.”
“Go big or go home,” Jungkook teases. “You look nice, by the way.”
“You always sound so surprised when you say that,” you comment snidely, shaking your head as you grab your bag from the shelf next to your door. “What are we doing tonight, Jeon? Gonna keep it a secret from me like last time?”
“That depends,” Jungkook says knowingly. “Do you like secrets?”
“You should know what I like by now,” you remark. 
“Then prepare to be wowed.” He grins, taking your hand in his as he pulls you out the door. 
The restaurant you go to this time does not require a ten minute drive to the center of town. Instead, it’s a five minute walk from campus and actually happens to be a place you’ve been to before. It’s a busy little thing on a Friday night, waiters bustling about with trays in their hands, people laughing and smiling under the dim light of the chandeliers. You’ve only been here once, long ago, for a club dinner paid for by the finance chair, and for good reason. It’s not the kind of place cheap college students looking to get the most food for the least amount of money go to. 
“Isn’t this a bit out of budget for our rom-com?” You ask as the host seats you at your table, a little booth in the middle of the restaurant, lanterns resting on the corners of the seats. 
“I thought this was a mockumentary,” Jungkook jokes. 
“Yeah, yeah,” you say, resisting the smile that fights its way across your face. Trust you to make that sort of blunder in front of him. “I mean it, though. This place is expensive.”
“It’s manageable,” Jungkook promises. “I’ve been saving up. Plus, I thought you deserved a nice night out.”
“How generous of you.”
“Oh, come on, I know you’re excited,” he narrows his eyes at you. “You don’t have to act like a stone-cold robot anymore.”
“Well…” you suppose enough is enough. Jungkook can see right through you anyway, so there’s no point in keeping up this indifferent facade of yours. “Only because you’re treating me so nicely.”
“Just please don’t order the steak,” he requests simply. 
You laugh. “No problem. Maybe we could just share a couple of appetizers?”
Jungkook likes the sound of that. 
Luckily, this is not one of those restaurants where the appetizers cost an arm and a leg and are the size of your pinky finger. You and Jungkook split three different ones, happy to scoop out portions for each of you and indulge in them together. 
Dinner dates—of which this is only sort of one—are always awkward because you spend half of the time shoving food into your mouth, but you and Jungkook don’t seem to mind the silence at all. Only, Jungkook does look sort of like he’s holding back.
“Is this enough food for you?” You ask him halfway through, distantly remembering how he absolutely devoured a whole plate of pasta last time and still having enough room in his stomach to finish yours. 
“What do you mean?” Jungkook asks over a mouthful of vegetables. 
“You ate so much at the Italian place, I just want to make sure you aren’t still hungry,” you point out. 
“Oh.” Jungkook pauses, swallowing down the bite in his mouth. “No, I’m okay. Thanks for thinking of me, though.”
“Yeah, of course,” you say. You hesitate for a moment, not sure if you should say anything else. But what the hell, right? It’s Jungkook. It’s Jungkook and he walked you home when you were drunk, he gave you flowers, he let you borrow his jacket. And you feel as though you must return the favor. “Anytime.”
He smiles. 
Despite the pure ecstasy you both experience when eating delicious food, Jungkook makes sure not to waste this time and grabs a few frames of you eating with his camera. He always seems to have that with him whenever he’s with you, hanging around his neck or stuffed into his backpack or crammed into his pants pocket. Sort of makes you wonder just how much footage the two of you have of each other. 
He insists on paying but you send him some money anyway, just because letting him shoulder the burden of a place as expensive (for college students, at least) as this just doesn’t sit right with you. Whenever he receives the Venmo notification on his phone, Jungkook frowns and says that he’ll send that money back to you, but he never does and you can tell that he really does appreciate it. 
You don’t think you have any plans on stopping that for a while. 
The only downside of going to this restaurant is that there is no gorgeous, light-strung park in the vicinity the two of you can wander around. Just your campus, which you have no doubt walked a thousand times over, and the streets surrounding it, which you have memorized like the back of your hand. 
It almost makes you think that Jungkook is just going to drop you back off at your place and the night will end there, but you know better than to expect something like that from Jungkook. Instead, as you’re walking, you point out the cafe that you and Ruby always go to, see that it’s closing in half-an-hour, and Jungkook decides then and there that it’s your next destination. 
“You’ve never been here before?” You ask when you walk inside, eyes immediately drifting to the display of pastries beside the register. 
“I’m not normally on this side of campus,” Jungkook admits. “You’re the only reason I’m ever here.”
“Then hopefully after finding this place, you’ll have two reasons,” you say cheerfully. The baristas behind the counter know you on a first-name basis, are happy to help you out even though they’ve no doubt been working long hours and are ready to close up shop and go home. 
You split a tiramisu and sit at that same corner table you and Ruby always pick, empty now that it’s so late at night. Other than the employees, you and Jungkook are the only ones in here, a far cry from the hustle and bustle of the restaurant, filled to the brim with people, the smell of cooked food wafting through the air. 
 The tiramisu isn't as fresh as it would be bright and early in the morning, but you suppose that that just means you and Jungkook will have to come back. Besides, Jungkook obviously does not seem to mind, scarfing it down ruthlessly. You’re in and out just as they close up shop, the employees bidding you goodbye like old friends, sending you on your way. There’s not really much else either of you have planned for tonight, and Jungkook isn’t coming up with any new ideas as he checks his phone. Instead, you just begin to head back to your apartment, all wrapped up in each other. You place your hand in his own and feel yourself relax when he squeezes, a silent little reminder that he’s still here, and that so are you.
Funnily enough, holding hands feels natural to you at this point. 
“Tonight was fun,” you comment, breaking the quiet.
“Yeah, glad we could do this,” Jungkook agrees. “Makes me kind of sad to know that this thing is almost over.”
“What, the project?”
Jungkook shrugs. “Yeah. And the class. And the semester. It’s kind of scary. We’ll be seniors next year.”
You chuckle. “Ugh, don’t remind me. I still have no idea what I’m going to do after we graduate.”
“You don’t have to know everything,” Jungkook reassures you. “As long as you’re happy with what you have now.”
“Are you?” You inquire, looking up to meet his eyes. 
Jungkook beams down at you. “I am.”
The walk from the cafe to your apartment is short, just under five minutes, but it feels like it takes you an hour, footsteps slow and languid, like neither of you want the night to end. You hit every red light, round every corner, drawing out the evening for as long as you can. Unfortunately, there is only so much you can do on a five-minute walk, and before you know it, you’re home.
“This is me,” you say, stopping outside the gold doors of your apartment complex. “Thanks again for tonight.”
“Anytime,” Jungkook says, a common thread in your conversations. 
“Really?” You ask, skeptical. “Our project’s almost over.”
“That doesn’t mean we have to stop doing this,” Jungkook says. 
You narrow your eyes. “What are you implying, huh, Jungkook?”
“This.”
Before you know it, he’s wrapping one hand around your waist and pulling you in close to him, your palms splayed out against his broad, toned chest, pressing his lips to yours. You gasp a little into the feeling, somewhat shocked he would dare be so bold even after all this time, but find yourself sinking into the touch. He tastes like coffee and cream, like peppermint from his chapstick, like the wine you shared tonight. You cave into the way he holds you, hands wrapped around your body, palms pressed firmly against your figure. He holds you like he’s afraid to let go, like he’s trying to remind himself that you’re real and here and that you are kissing him back, like he’ll forget once the moment ends. 
But he need not worry about that. 
When you part, you don’t even bother wiping off the stupid smile on your face, kiss-drunk and filled with glee. It’s been a long time since you felt this way. And Jungkook makes you feel things you don’t even think you can explain. 
“How bold of you,” you comment, noses touching, barely an inch away from each other. 
“I figured I’d shoot my shot,” Jungkook says. He shrugs, pretending to be casual, but you can see the way he’s grinning, beaming, down at you. 
“You scored,” you remind him.
“How observant of you,” teases Jungkook in return. You pout a little at his playful mockery, heart fond. “Think we can do it again?”
“Hmm, I would tone down the ego first,” you say, already leaning back in to press your lips against his. 
“Never.” He smiles wickedly. 
It’s a quicker kiss this time, a short peck against his cherry red mouth, but it still makes your heart beat something terribly fierce. 
“See you soon?” You ask when you finally pull away, knowing that as much as you’d like to, you can’t just stand out here kissing each other forever. 
Jungkook nods, cheeks pink and warm to the touch. He looks so sleek in his formal black outfit, crisp button-down and slacks, hair all styled, but the way he’s grinning at you makes him look so young, so sublimely happy. It’s nice. 
“Anytime.”
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“There’s my favorite couple!” Taehyung greets excitedly when he swings open the door to his apartment to reveal you and Jungkook standing on the other side. 
“What’s it to you?” You comment snidely as he lets you inside, the black sheet still taped up along his wall. It looks a little more wrinkled than when you last saw it. 
“Oh, nothing,” Taehyung singsongs. He definitely knows a lot more than he cares to tell either you or Jungkook, but whatever. The project’s almost over and he’s almost finished with university entirely. “You guys are just cute together, that’s all.”
“Like you even know the half of it.” You tell him with a roll of your eyes. 
Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows. “Ooh, do tell.” He grins that greasy, comic-book-villain grin of his as he starts moving his bar stools back to where the sheet lines his cream-colored wall. 
“Isn’t that the whole point of this?” Jungkook poses, making you laugh from where you’re seated on the couch, watching Jungkook set up his tripod in exactly the place he wants it. You smile at him as you recline against Taehyung’s poor old leather couch, so worn-down from use that the back cushions fold in when you press against them, and Jungkook peers out from behind the camera to blow you a kiss. 
You send him one back without even needing to think. 
Taehyung misses the whole scene, but no doubt he’ll be putting two and two together pretty soon. You and Jungkook agreed that for the last interview you would be questioned together, long before Jungkook actually managed to romance you off your feet, and there’s not a doubt in your mind that the two of you being interviewed side-by-side will make things much more interesting. 
Nevertheless, Jungkook sets up the camera and sends a thumbs-up your way when he’s ready, Taehyung sitting on the bar stool just outside of the frame with a couple of index cards in his hand. 
“Let’s do this,” you say, hauling yourself onto the seat. Jungkook does the same shortly after, scooching onto the one next to you as you stare at Taehyung, waiting for him to start. 
“Looking forward to this one?” Taehyung asks knowingly. 
You shrug nonchalantly. “Just a little.”
“Excellent. Shall we begin?”
You and Jungkook nod. 
“Alright. Well, this is presumably the last thing the two of you will be filming for your project. How are you feeling about it?”
“It turned out better than I thought it would,” you admit. It will come as a shock to no one that you did not have very high hopes for this project when it was first assigned. 
“Of course it did, I’m your partner,” Jungkook teases, poking you in your side. “Would you ever doubt me?”
“Always,” you say.
Taehyung chuckles. “Sounds like it’s been good so far. Did you enjoy filming it?”
You nod. “Yeah, it was actually kind of fun. Except for when Jungkook spilled coffee all over me, that was not cool.” You turn to face Jungkook directly, and all he does when you say his name is wink and point at you. 
“It was for the rom-com, I don’t know what you expected,” Jungkook said. “I gave you my jacket, too.”
“How gentlemanly.”
Taehyung chuckles, warm and low. “I’m sure Jungkook learned his lesson,” he muses. “What was your favorite thing to film?”
Not when I randomly texted you five minutes before I showed up at your door to make you ask me questions about how I feel, you think to yourself. Jungkook still doesn’t know, but you think you’ll put it into the movie just for the hell of it, so he’ll find out then. Find out that you were grappling with your feelings for him long before you ever let on.
“The serenade was a blast, a special shoutout to the Eighth Notes for doing that for me,” Jungkook says immediately. Obviously that is at the top of his list. “Plus, I just like seeing Y/N all flustered.”
“Shut up, you’re so annoying,” you chide. “I guess the serenade was kind of cute. I liked going out together, though. On our not-date.”
Jungkook objects to that instantly. “It was a date, Y/N!”
You look back at him, equally as scandalized as he. “Whose turn is it to talk?”
“Mine, actually,” Taehyung interjects. “Did you like going out together?”
You sigh a little, wondering if you’re really about to turn into a softie in front of a camera for a movie to be shown to your twenty classmates and professor. “Yeah,” you say, real and true because that’s what you agreed on, you and Jungkook. To be candid. To be honest. To say how you felt. Really. “It was really nice. I hadn’t gone out with someone like that in a long time.”
“And were you happy because of the project, or because of Jungkook?”
“Well,” you begin, not exactly sure where to start. “I guess, it’s like… you know, I didn’t even know Jungkook before this project. I mean, I knew who he was, he would always respond to my discussion board posts and object to everything I said in class. But I didn’t know him as a person. But as we worked on this project together, planning and filming and editing, I started to. And we did so many things together. And I guess I just really enjoyed the time we did spend as a pair.”
“Would you say the same, Jungkook?”
“Yes,” Jungkook says easily. “That’s what I wanted. To get to know Y/N, to spend time with her. I was glad we had this project. Otherwise, we might never have done something like this.”
“You both seem very happy.”
“I think we are. This project was actually sort of a blessing in disguise. I know him a lot better, now,” you say. “I’m glad that I do. He makes me smile, and laugh, and I always feel happy when he’s around. I don’t know. He did it, somehow.”
“Jungkook?”
“It wasn’t just me. Y/N and I did this together. We made this. This project. Us. It wasn’t just her, or just me. It’s ours.” Jungkook grins.
“Are you glad you did this project?”
Of course. It was fun, and I liked filming it, and I feel like I got something really important out of it. I know it’s just a short rom-com mockumentary, but it really feels like there was a happy ending, you know? A happily ever after.”
“You seem really certain about that.”
“Well,” Jungkook says with a little scoff, “what else would you call it?”
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“As you can see, obviously Y/N fell head over heels in love with me thanks to this wonderful project—”
“Why are you always so full of yourself—?”
“Hey, you’re ruining the voiceover! As I said, as you can see, Y/N fell head over heels in love with me, but that wasn’t just because of my dashing good looks and amazing singing skills.”
“The ends of your hair look like hay—”
“It was because we were honest with each other, and because we spent meaningful moments together, and because we kept our hearts open. And I guess that’s the truth of it all, isn’t it? Love, romance, relationships? If you close yourself off, you’ll never get to experience them. But if you take every opportunity with an open mind, then you never know what might happen. Like falling in love with your discussion board nemesis.”
“Who, me?”
“Just let me finish, come on. There’s like one paragraph left. I know this was a mockumentary, not a scripted rom-com with professional actors and screenwriters and a whole team of editors. But that was the whole point. To make it real. And to make it between two people who aren’t just characters on a screen. We’re real people, and this happened to us. And it makes us happy. And it can happen to you, too. I think we all learn something every time we watch a new movie. Whether it be about loss, or promises, or other people. This time, we learned about love. Real love. How it can be rocky and strange and come straight out of left field. But also how happy endings aren’t just for movies and fairytales. We all deserve them. And Y/N and I found our own.”
“Are you gonna say it?”
“And so… they lived happily ever after.”
You look up at the screen, expecting to see the credits roll, but instead it’s a shot of the two of you kissing outside of your apartment building, a shot of you wrapping your arms around him as you press your lips to his. It lasts for only a few seconds, but you find yourself entranced in the moment, shocked that Jungkook somehow managed to capture it on film. He didn’t even have his camera with him that night. 
Pollack turns on the lights in your classroom as your fellow classmates applaud, all of them looking genuinely pleased that your rom-com had such a wonderful ending. Pollack herself looks rather proud, nodding to herself as she smiles at the two of you. 
“You filmed us kissing?” You hiss to Jungkook as your classmates clap, hoping the sound of it will drown out your conversation. 
“I got Taehyung to,” Jungkook whispers back. “Why?”
“I just… I thought that night was just for us.”
“The rest of it is. But I thought the kiss would be a cute way to end it. You know, happy ending and everything.”
Alright, if Jungkook insists. You nod, tensing up slightly. You hadn’t even noticed Taehyung down the street, standing behind some utility pole with the camera raised to his eye. Had Jungkook texted him in secret? Asked him to meet you outside of your apartment? Was he planning on kissing you from the very beginning?
You shake your head, willing away the thoughts as Pollack commends the two of you for a job well done. Jungkook and you stand at the front of the room for a few more seconds, getting stared down by your fellow classmates while Pollack speaks. The period ends just as she finishes up, the minutes changing the moment she closes her mouth. Within a minute or so, the whole class has emptied out, some of them congratulating you and Jungkook on the way out. 
“I’ll meet you outside, okay?” Jungkook says, eyes bright and filled with that same wonder he’s always got. 
“Yeah,” you say distantly, nodding to him as he disappears out the door. 
“You did an excellent job, Y/N,” Pollack praises, and it goes right to your head, if you’re being honest. “It was brilliant.”
“Thanks,” you say, suddenly rather shy. “That means a lot.”
“Don’t tell anyone else this,” she says, voice quiet, “but I was secretly hoping the two of you would fall in love.”
“Pollack!”
She laughs. “What? I thought you’d make a cute couple. And you do, so clearly it all worked out anyway.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s against the code of conduct,” you say, even though you know you can’t be too mad at her. After all, you wouldn’t have Jungkook if it weren’t for her. 
“Y/N, I’m tenured. I don’t care.”
“Wait…” you pause, eyes narrowing, “how many of your students have you set up with each other?”
Pollack grins. “I never reveal my secrets.”
Your mouth drops open. 
She chuckles, shooing you out the door. “Go on, go be with your boyfriend. You can tell him you both get A pluses for your project. It was excellent. One of the best I’ve seen in a very long time.”
“Thanks, Pollack,” you say, smiling gratefully. “You’re the best.”
She points at you proudly as you head out the door. “So are you.”
Jungkook is waiting by the tables where you always sit, half a flight down from your classroom. He’s leaning against the edge of them as he scrolls mindlessly through his phone, so engrossed in the Instagram explore page that he doesn’t see you walk up. 
“Guess what,” you say, getting all up in his face, just because you can. 
“What,” Jungkook says, an eyebrow raised. 
“We got an A plus on our project!” You exclaim happily, cheering. Jungkook laughs at your exuberant reaction, watches as you jump around, clapping loudly. 
“Hell yeah, we did that!” Jungkook holds his hand up for a high five, one you gladly take. Your palms smack together and the sound reverberates around the hallway. 
“You know, you and I—” you begin, placing your palms on his cheeks as you pull yourself in for a kiss, “we make a pretty good team.”
“Only because you’re so good at editing,” Jungkook says. You’re both not too bad, if you do say so yourself, but since Jungkook did so much of the filming you thought it would be better if you carried more of the weight when it came to post-production. 
“Says you,” you tease, pressing your lips to his button nose. “The happy ending thing was a nice touch, I liked it. Makes me feel like I’m in a fairy tale.”
“I’m glad,” Jungkook says with a chuckle, admiring the way you beam at him. “You know, I was really worried that you might think we didn’t have a happy ending after all, especially after everything.”
“What do you mean?” You look at him curiously. 
“Well, I just really wanted to make sure that we had a happy ending, because you’ve been through so much.”
You pause in place, eyebrows furrowing as you look up at him. Been through so much? Does Jungkook know something you don’t? Wait, no, did you… did you tell him—?
“You knew?” You ask, the realization piercing you like an arrow. “All this time, and you never said anything?”
Jungkook’s eyes widen. 
“How long have you known?”
He winces. “Since I walked you home when you were drunk. You told me.”
You did?
Shit.
“And you didn’t think that maybe you should have told me that you knew? Especially when I asked you if I had said anything embarrassing?” You cry out, indignant. “What, were you just planning on never telling me?”
“I was going to, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to know that you had admitted all those things to me,” Jungkook admits, growing desperate. “They were really personal things, I thought you might react badly.”
“Oh, so you just decided to keep it a secret instead? Look how well that worked out.”
“What was I supposed to do, Y/N? I know you would have been upset.”
“Tell me!” You exclaim. “I asked you if I had said something embarrassing that night and you said I hadn’t. And I believed you. Better to have known then than now!”
“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says.
“I can’t believe you wouldn’t just tell me. Didn’t we say we would be honest with each other? But instead, you just let me assume that all of the nice things you did for me were because you actually cared, and not because you felt bad for me?”
“I don’t feel bad for you!” Jungkook shouts. “I mean, I do, but that’s not why I took you out on dates and gave you flowers and held your hand. I do care about you.”
“Oh, so filming us kissing was just because you actually cared, too, right?”
“I don’t know why you’re so hung up about that,” Jungkook points out. 
“Because I thought it was a private moment,” you remind him. “You hadn’t filmed anything the whole night. I thought we were just going out on a date like two people who cared about each other did. Us kissing was personal. But you texted Taehyung and told him to show up with his camera anyway, right? Because you were planning on kissing me from the very beginning. Because you knew, Jungkook. You knew and you had absolutely no intention of telling me.”
“Y/N, wait, I didn’t do those things just because I pitied you,” Jungkook says, reaching out for your hand. 
You pull away. “You didn’t? Then why did you film us kissing, then?”
“Because…” he flounders. You aren’t at all surprised. “Because—”
“Enough, Jungkook. I get it,” you stop him, shaking your head. “Everything we’ve done since that first date we had, when we went to the Italian place, everything since then—it was all played up. Because you felt bad for me. I had a shitty experience with love and you wanted to make me feel better. Whatever.”
“Y/N, it wasn’t like that,” Jungkook chases after you as you begin to walk down the stairs, towards the exit. “I didn’t pity you. I still don’t. I did those things because I care about you, and I wanted you to be happy.”
“Well, you got what you wanted,” you say, arms crossed over your shoulders as you push your way out the door. “I was so happy when I was with you.”
“Wait, Y/N—”
“Bye, Jungkook.”
The door slams shut behind you. 
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“How many finals do you still have left? You finished your movie, right?”
Ruby is stirring herself a cup of earl grey tea as she sits down on the couch next to you, where you’re very obviously sulking as you scroll through the Feel Good Rom-Coms category on Netflix. 
“I just have a couple essays and a presentation,” you mumble out. “You?”
“Ugh, I still have all of my final exams to take,” Ruby tells you with a thick, heavy sigh. Clearly, she doesn't feel like talking about them now. Or at all. “The life of a biology major.”
“Hey, you’re the one who wants to be a doctor, not me,” you remind her crudely. “You better know your shit, or I’m never taking my kids to your practice.”
“Rude,” Ruby says. “There goes my family and friends discount offer.”
You laugh to yourself, a small smile inching its way across your lips. Ruby’s always known how to brighten your day, even when you feel like absolute shit. 
“What are we watching, hmm? I’m cool with anything.”
“I don’t know.” You shrug, flicking through all of the rom-com options and feeling very unhappy with all of them. “I feel like you’ve seen all of these.”
“Yeah,” Ruby says. “Whenever I’m not studying, I’m watching Netflix or The Bachelor.”
You nod. Maybe you’ll just settle on some old NCIS reruns and call it a night. 
“Oh!” Ruby exclaims suddenly, a lightbulb going off above her head. “How about we watch your movie? The rom-com you did with Jungkook! I haven’t seen it yet.”
“I don’t know…” You begin, the mere thought putting a bad taste in your mouth. For obvious reasons. 
“Come on, please? I really want to see it, you were so excited about it,” Ruby begs, getting all antsy as she climbs all over you, literally pulling your arm to get you to cave in. “It’s short, too, isn’t it? Like forty-five minutes long? We can watch whatever you want afterwards. Please.”
You huff out a breath. If it were up to you, you would move that film onto a flash drive and toss it into a dumpster on fire. But it’s not just up to you. Ruby has been asking you about it since the day you told her you were filming it, and now all she wants to do is see the final result. And it’s only forty-five minutes long. What’s that when compared to the rest of your life?
“Fine,” you relent, not wanting to fight about it any longer. “Let me get my computer.”
Ruby cheers. 
You bring your laptop over to your coffee table, turning off the ceiling lights as Ruby tucks herself underneath a blanket, hands warmed by her steaming cup of tea. You pull up the movie file and, taking a deep breath, press play. 
It opens with your first interview with Taehyung, a muted, royalty-free lo-fi hip-hop song playing in the background. You had edited it so that it would jump back and forth between your answer and Jungkook’s, highlighting the contrast between the two of you. It was mostly for comedic purposes, just because seeing you deadpan about how love doesn’t exist and then quickly switching to Jungkook wax poetic about it is amusing, but watching it now just makes you want to curl into yourself. 
You should have known that this would have never worked out. Should have kept that same jaded attitude. You let your guard down for one second and look at what’s happened to you.
The next scene that Jungkook shows is, of course, the moment he spills burning hot coffee all over you in the middle of the Starbucks, comedically panning up to your positively-flabbergasted face just to add to the shock factor. Next to you, Ruby laughs at the mishap, obviously amused by the fact that the two of you are now drenched in coffee and scrambling to clean up the mess. You try to focus your energy on how peeved you were at Jungkook after he did that, but get distracted the moment he films himself wrapping his denim jacket around you, placing it over your shoulders and making sure it’s just right. 
He didn’t have to do that, and the two of you both knew it. But still, he sent you off your class all bundled up in a jacket that smelled like him, smelled of that boyish aroma that you couldn’t get rid of, even when you put it in the wash with your lavender detergent. All of Jungkook’s clothes smelt like that no matter how much cologne he put on, always smelt woody and thick. It would consume you, that scent, a cloud surrounding your figure whenever you were near him. 
The movie keeps playing, and you keep thinking about how much of a fool you must look like in it now, all giggles and smiles as Jungkook sings Frankie Valli to you while he hands you a rose, that same sly little smile dotting his features. Hearing the song again makes you feel like you’re choking, like something’s smothering you, and you’re not sure what it is until you realize that it’s the sound of Jungkook’s voice. 
You haven’t heard him sing since he serenaded you. 
Then it’s your first date, the one Ruby told you to wear the yellow dress to (“Hey, I told you you looked amazing in it! Wow!” Ruby exclaims when she sees you). You remember when you edited this, putting the clips together of you eating at the restaurant, wandering around the park, posing underneath the trees, holding hands. You were smiling so hard your cheeks hurt while you were editing, grinning from ear to ear at all of the things the two of you did together. They were so picturesque, those scenes, so perfectly shot, so romantici—t did a fine job of convincing you that it was all real. 
You even put in the little clip of you and Taehyung talking. A mistake, now that you look back on it, of course. It was so vulnerable, so real, so candid and honest like you said you would be, and now it’s all blown up in your face. You must have looked like such an idiot to Jungkook when he saw this scene for the first time in class. You remember the wide-eyed look on his face when it popped up. Like he couldn’t even believe you had done this in the first place. 
Scoffing, you shake your head. You either. 
The rest of it you can hardly bear to watch. Just a wrap-up of your relationship, a compilation of all of the small moments you shared when you didn’t realize that Jungkook was filming, when you dared whip out your camera to shoot for a second or two. Little clips that jump from scene to scene, shots of you laughing and eating and skipping along campus as you held hands. It’s hard to reconcile the fact that it’s all over. 
You don’t even listen to the final interview, not bothering to pay attention to what you or Jungkook have to say when you were there, when you can recall every word he’s ever spoken to you at the drop of a hat. 
The truth is, you were always a goner for him. 
And look how well that played out. 
By the time the kissing scene comes up once more, you’re ready to set your whole laptop alight. 
The screen turns black as it ends, fading away into nothingness, the instrumental slowly disappearing alongside the image. You shut your laptop when it’s all over, a little too angry for your own good, but you wrestle the scowl off your face as you take a drink of water from the glass sitting on the table. 
“Wow,” Ruby says, speechless. She blinks at your closed laptop. 
“Did you like it?”
“I—I don’t even know what to say,” Ruby says, which is a first. “It was amazing, Y/N. Seriously. Gorgeous. Like, cinematographically? Stunning. The shit on Netflix isn’t even as good as that.”
Even if you did have to sit through your stupid movie one more time, the compliments make you feel a bit better. “Thanks,” you murmur. 
Ruby nods enthusiastically. “It was incredible. I’m just—I’m in awe. You and Jungkook have a gift, dude. It was seriously one of the best things I’ve watched in a really long time. And, like, not even in a cheesy, yucky rom-com kind of way. It was so… so genuine. So real. Wow.”
“I’m glad you liked it.”
“You’ll have to tell Jungkook, too,” Ruby says. “He did really well.”
“Yeah, he’s a great actor,” you say, a little too bitterly for your own good. 
“What do you mean?” Ruby raises an eyebrow your way. “I didn’t think he was acting at all. It looked pretty real to me.”
You frown. “It did?”
“I mean, yeah,” Ruby says with an honest nod. “I mean, you did tell me it was a mockumentary and not just a run-of-the-mill rom-com. So wasn’t everything supposed to be real, anyway?”
“Yes…” you trail off, unsure of the direction of this conversation.
“Well, if you ask me,” Ruby says, all matter-of-factly, “I’d say he definitely fell in love with you.”
Something rushes through you. Something warm and bright and full of energy. 
Hope. 
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Even though you have finished one of your finals early, finals week is still just as much of a slog as it always is. Three essays and two presentations deep, you aren’t finished any of them and the due dates are slowly creeping up on you, ready to pounce the moment the clock strikes twelve. 
Eh, it could be worse. You could be Ruby and have six timed, proctored final exams on biology, anatomy, and chemistry. So you suppose you can’t complain too much. 
Finals week sees you all holed up in your apartment like always, but more so this semester than any previous ones because you don’t feel like going to the library and risking seeing Jungkook there. Or anywhere, really. Since you presented on the last day of classes, you haven’t spoken since, and hopefully you can keep that streak going forever. You had made it until this semester without ever crossing paths despite being in the same major, so hopefully that luck will follow you. 
It’s almost midnight when you finally decide to call it quits for the night, having at least gotten mostly through two of your essays (just have to edit and proofread!) and worked on about half of your two presentations. Sighing, you get up from your couch and stretch, feeling your bones crack from sitting in the same place for hours on end. 
You lean over to the floor lamp by the edge of the couch, ready to flick it off and head to bed, when you hear something outside. 
“You’re just too good to be true…”
“Can’t take my eyes off of you…”
You freeze.
The voice is soft and mellow, a little muted because it’s making its way through your wooden door before it reaches your ears, but it is unrecognizable. Even without the acoustics of the Eighth Notes, you know who’s on the other side. 
“You’d be like Heaven to touch…”
“I wanna hold you so much…”
“At long last, love has arrived…”
“And I thank God I’m alive…”
Unable to resist, you wander to your front door, basking in the sound of him, in the way the notes float through the air as if on clouds, dancing along the walls as they sink into your brain. He sounds so sweet, voice warm like tea on a cold night, just singing his song on this empty, lonely night. But it’s not just his song, is it? 
It’s yours, too.
You pull open the door. 
“You’re just too good to be true,” Jungkook sings, a honeyed melody that calms the waves of your stormy heart, “can’t take my eyes off of you…”
But just because he’s here, serenading you once more, doesn’t mean he’s going to get it any easier from you. You fight to keep the smile off your face, pressing your lips together as you narrow your eyes at him. 
“I love you, baby, and if it’s quite alright, I need you, baby, to warm the lonely night…”
“I love you, baby, trust in me when I say…”
He meets your eyes with his own, and they aren’t glinting in the way they normally do, the way that they do when he knows he’s doing something to grind your gears, when he’s got a trick up his sleep. They gleam like pearls as the dim glow of your apartment lights up his figure, warm yellow mixing with the caramel in his irises.
“Oh, pretty baby, don’t bring me down, I pray…”
Oh, pretty baby, now that I’ve found you, stay…”
“And let me love you, baby…”
From behind him, Jungkook brings out a single red rose, twirling it between his fingers as he holds it out to you. 
“Let me love you…” He trails off there, voice delicate as vanishes into the chilly night air, disappearing between the two of you. 
You can’t help but take the flower from his hand. What else are you supposed to do?
“So?” Jungkook asks, hopeful. 
“Don’t think you can just show up at my apartment and woo me back by singing to me,” you chide, even though he definitely can. 
“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says simply, because there really is nothing else to say. “I should have told you.”
“I watched our rom-com again,” you tell him. “I should have believed you when you said you cared about me.”
“I always did,” Jungkook says. “I just wanted you to know that love was real, and that it was there for you.”
“I should have known,” you agree. You look up at Jungkook through lidded eyes, musing to yourself. “You know what I learned?”
Jungkook tilts his head in curiosity. “What?”
“That love isn’t a feeling. It’s a person,” you explain, sighing pleasantly. “Love comes to us through the things we share with other people. That’s what it is.” Your thumbs twiddle in front of you, the pads of your fingers rubbing at the stem of the rose.
He takes a single step forward, reaching out to take your hand in his own. “And are you pleased with who you’ve found?”
You roll your eyes. “Just shut up and kiss me already, you idiot.”
Jungkook obliges without a second thought. 
There is no one to film you this time, no project to work on. There is only you, and there is only him. And there is only a lifetime that the two of you share, a story that you have told together, piece by piece, frame by frame. Your movie didn’t end once you finished editing. Nor did it end the moment the screen went black in Pollack’s class. It wasn’t even over when you watched it a second time with Ruby. 
No, it continues on. Forever and ever, so long as you are with him. There will always be something new to capture, to burn into a disk so you’ll have it for eternity.
He pulls you in for a kiss and it’s not the end of the film. It’s the beginning of a brand new part, a new installment in the series that is your life with him. That is the relationship you have created together. His lips aren’t the fireworks as the credits roll. They are the scene where the two characters meet for the very first time and know that they were meant to be. The scene that sets all of the other ones in motion. That is who Jungkook is. That is what you are sharing, right now. 
A brand new frame. 
When you part, you press your forehead against his, soft blonde locks framing his face as they tickle your face, dancing along the skin of your cheeks.
“You called it a rom-com,” Jungkook points out randomly, just remembering now. 
“Well, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know…” Jungkook says, pretending to think about it as he rocks on the back of his feet. “Did it have a happy ending?”
You bring your lips to his once more, arms wrapped around his neck as you clasp the rose between your fingers. You make a mental note to press it later. Something else to remember him by. Something other than your movie. 
Jungkook pulls you into him once more, hands resting firmly on your waist, letting his body press against yours as you stand there in the muted light of your apartment’s living room, letting the cool spring breeze wash over you. You smile against his lips, feeling your heart race when he grins back. 
“Yes,” you declare proudly. 
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And so, they lived happily ever after. 
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↳ thanks for reading! don’t forget to let me know if you enjoyed it!
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dustedmagazine · 3 years ago
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Listening Post: Wire — Not About to Die
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In the late 1970s, Wire invented a certain variety of art punk—short, rhythmic, minimalist, melodic and smart. The band’s first three albums, Pink Flag in 1977, Chairs Missing in 1978 and 154 in 1979, set a template for a whole generation of 1980s bands: the Feelies, R.E.M., Sonic Youth, the Wipers, Mission of Burma, the Minutemen and others. Their brash, engaging aesthetic continues to reverberate through rock and pop—Jay Reatard, Franz Ferdinand, Shopping, the Woolen Men and a hundred others all sound like they spent time listening to the first Wire albums.
Wire itself moved on briskly from this early salvo, refusing to play early material (relegating that role, on one tour, to a cover band called Ex Lion Tamers) from 1985 forward and moving instead into a synth-y, dance-y phase.
Perhaps because they were so insistent on leaving the past behind them, Wire spent years resisting a release of the material now on Not About to Die, a collection of demos and alternate versions of songs from Chairs Missing and 154, as well as other tunes that never got an official pressing. Cassette copies circulated unofficially, and in the early 1980s, Amnesia Records released a bootleg version despite the band’s objections.
The demos are rough sketches, made without much attention to production and further damaged by several generations of tape-to-tape copying. But while no one would mistake this material for an official Wire release, it provides fascinating insight on Wire’s creative process. Early versions of “French Film (Blurred),” “Used To,” and “Being Sucked in Again,” document the development of Chairs Missing, while prototypes for “Once Is Enough,” “On Returning” and “Two People in a Room” hint at the rough beginnings of 154.  “The Other Window,” blown out on 154 into a baroque space opera, is here a galloping, punk song.
The whole enterprise sheds light on a period when Wire was reinventing itself—not the only time but a significant one—and the way their songs changed as their ideas about what they were doing changed. It’s also a lot of fun, and if you like the earliest Wire best, it’ll make you happy in the most basic way.
Jennifer Kelly
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Jonathan Shaw:  A university girlfriend gave me Chairs Missing in 1990. I knew about the synthy Wire, which was my only schema for them. The one-two punch of "Practice Makes Perfect" and "French Film Blurred" completely knocked me out, still one of my favorite two-song sequences in music. Canonical in my post-punk imaginary. So the version of "French Film Blurred" here really threw me. As someone who has never made music, I always sort of know that songs get wood-shopped, worked over. And the guys in Wire had very specific ideas of themselves as a band, so one can imagine the journey from initial concept or melody to final version could be really long. But man, that's a very different song, and an interesting glimpse into the band's process.
Ian Mathers: Personally, my favorite of their opening trilogy (and still just my favorite Wire album) is 154. The weird, often kind of mannered energy of that record (the reason I love it!) isn't really found here, even on versions of those songs, but that's not a complaint. I'm most struck by the way that, if I didn't know most of these songs already, I'd be quite willing to believe this was just an early Wire album, and a good one. It might be the use of 'demo' throwing me off a little —  reviewing the Pavement Terror Twilight reissue I listened to a lot of demos, but those were much chintzier efforts intended by the songwriter to show the rest of the band what the song sounds like. These demos feel more like Wire are at least considering the idea that any of these could be basically the final songs. If anything they feel more like the different takes on the Stooges' Fun House box than a lot of more recent demos I've heard.
I guess at least some of the material here was included on the previously released Behind the Curtain comp, but maybe because that's less focused (31 tracks in I think a bit over an hour, versus 18 tracks in a little under 40 minutes) I could never get into them there, whereas I've been listening to Not About to Die a lot, and enjoying it. Something like "Chairs Missing (Used To)" is an example of a demo for one of my favorite Wire songs that's both different and lacking a lot of what I specifically love about the LP version of that song, and yet I love this one too. And then stuff like "Stalemate" just feels like a lost gem. I came into this interested to hear this record and expecting to find things of interest, but already I'm thinking this is just getting added to my regular collection, which I didn't necessarily expect.
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Tim Clarke: Like Ian, 154 is my favorite Wire, so on initial listens, the hard-edged punk energy of the opening run of songs on this collection threw me a bit. I've never been that attracted to the fast and loud aesthetics of punk, but what's really striking with Wire is how tight they were as a band during this era, even when throwing together demos. Admittedly, part of the magic comes from what they brought to the songs in the studio, but there was clearly chemistry within the band that came from just playing together in a room.
Jonathan Shaw: Fast and loud is where most of my listening is located, so my surprise at the record's relative polish is inflected differently. I also come at demo recordings with other contexts for how the form functions. There's a long tradition of public-facing demos in heavy music, stuff that's recorded for large(ish) audiences by bands that haven't yet been signed, stuff recorded by signed bands that's issued outside of labels' releases. Those tend to be rough and raw by design, a sort of marker of the music's authenticity. That's a fraught term in punk — always has been: see the venom associated with scene "posers" in the 1980s. It's even more fraught when listening to a band with such sharp attitudes about Art. Still, I share Tim's enjoyment of the sense of the band "just playing together in a room." Wire's music is not famed for its warmth, but these recordings have a sort of warm immediacy that's appealing. 
Jennifer Kelly:  I was just A/Bing "French Film (Blurred)," and it's a really striking transition.  The demo version is loose and live sounding, sort of barked out vocally, with those really serrated, punk rock guitars, not that far off from the Buzzcocks or the Clash.  The one on 154 tamps the vocals down to an ominous whisper (and gets it way more under control pitch-wise), while bringing the guitar and bass up and sharpening them up.  There are some close harmonies in the chorus, where in the earlier version they could barely get the right notes on one vocal line.  It's just so much more carefully coiffed, at once odder and more pop sounding.  And having said all that, I like them both, and I maybe like the demo a little better.  
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Bryon Hayes:  I was doing this as well with "The Other Window," as on my first listen through of the demos, I didn't know what song I was actually listening to.  The demo is a chugging guitar rave-up with actual sung vocals that could easily have fit in on Pink Flag.  Had I heard this version before the one on 154, with its underwater guitars and spoken word, I might have thought that the latter was actually someone like Bauhaus covering Wire.  I know that this is anachronistic, since the "Bela Lugosi's Dead" single came out the same year as 154, but I think this is also more evidence of Wire having a major influence on such a diverse array of bands and musicians.  Even more evidence: my introduction to the band was actually through Flying Saucer Attack's cover of "Outdoor Miner."
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Jennifer Kelly:  Anyone want to share early live Wire experiences? I don't have any, but I bet someone does.
Bill Meyer:  I believe that Wire did a tour of the USA with Roxy Music in the late 1970s, but I didn't see it. My first encounter was in 1980, when I went to Wherehouse Records in East Lansing with a request for guidance. I'd just picked up XTC's Drums and Wires and dug it, so I wanted to hear some more new wave sounds. I was directed to 154, which was a bit of a mind-blower for me. I worked my way back over the next couple years, picking up Pink Flag and Chairs Missing, and I also enthusiastically embraced Colin Newman's solo albums. My first impression of the demo recordings under consideration is that they lack the precision and conscious preference to take roads less traveled that made Wire's albums so powerful. I suspect that part of the Wire recording process in the 1970s was to take their songs and figure out what about them sounded like someone else. Those parts had to go. 
I didn't get to see Wire live until 1987, when they came to town in support of Snakedrill and Ideal Copy. They weren't playing anything earlier than "Drill," but they did have the ex-Lion Tamers on hand to play Pink Flag straight through. I remember being amused by the open act (who were very accurate), and very impressed by the spareness of Robert Gotobed's drum it - one hi-hat, one snare, and a bass drum with a garbage can lid nestled inside. I was also very impressed with the rhythms he played using that set-up. The band's sound was pretty streamlined, but "Drill" had real teeth live. Oh, back then Graham Lewis had a rather impressive mullet, which in combination with his fierce faced delivery made him look a bit like Frankenstein's monster.
Jonathan Shaw:  I have never been in the room with the band, but this set from German television in 1979 is pretty great. It was released as a CD/DVD bundle a number of years ago. Likely my favorite Wire music.
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Tim Clarke:  Comparing 154 opener "I Should Have Known Better" with its demo version here (entitled "Ignorance No Plea") demonstrates how restraint and subtle changes in tempo can transform the feeling of a song. In its demo form, it starts off slower than the album version, dragging its heels, then picks up speed and introduces plenty of cymbals that swallow up the high end. The demo works fine as a standalone song, and it's not massively different to its final form. However, they reined in the sense of release that comes from the demo's second half and introduced eerie reverb, crafting the song into a more effective album opener.
Likewise, the production on the album version of "Two People in a Room" really dials up the huge snare sound and the dissonance between the guitars and bass. The demo almost has a rockabilly feel, plus that distracting phaser effect on the guitars. Wire really knew how to pare songs back to essentials in order to maximize their impact.
Bill Meyer:  The differences between the demo and final  versions of “Chairs Missing (Used To)”  are, I think really informative. Jonathan used the word “warmer” to describe the demo editions, and I do think that the added electronic sounds and more restrained vocal of the final edition result in a decidedly chillier sound. I’m also intrigued that the demo has such an elaborate vocal arrangement; this was not a dashed-off performance, and they threw out some elaborate work to get to the song to its end form. 
“Being Sucked In Again,” on the other hand, wasn’t drastically changed at all. The modifications are mostly a matter of tweaking gestures to make them stick out a bit more.
Jonathan Shaw:  The opening seconds of the demo version of "Used To" sounds like a blues shuffle. I almost expected ol' Keef Richards to start riffing over it. Like Bill, I'm struck by the experimenting with vocal arrangement--wonder if "5th demo" indicates a number on a tape reel or the fifth version of the song. I think the former is more likely, but the band must have worked hard on many of these songs.
The version of "I Should Have Known Better" here isn't so radically different from the 154 version, but the demo has some serious 1977 punk attitude. Strongly prefer it.
Ian Mathers:  Funnily enough, the Flying Saucer Attack cover of "Outdoor Miner" was also MY introduction to Wire!
I hadn't done many A/B comparisons before reading about the ones mentioned here, and it's been really interesting! Something like "Options R" is a case where the demo sounds so great and so... finished, I might have thought they didn't really change it unless I compared. The actual b-side version is largely the same, possibly a slightly less winning performance. But the slight vocal distortion and the way they turn the sort-of guitar solo near the end into this shimmering, serrated thing is another example of those small, distinguishing touches that really makes the finished versions worthwhile in their own right (compared to such strong demos, I mean). 
I'd seen the Wire on the Box video Jonathan shared before, and love it - one of my favorites from them as well. I wasn't able to see them live in person until even later than Bill, on the tour for the first Read & Burn EP. They did not have any Ex-Lion Tamer equivalent with them, I think may have just played one older song, during the encore (sadly it's not up on setlist.fm and I didn't take any notes back then!), and was one of the louder shows I've ever seen. I definitely heard some fans lamenting the lack of earlier material, but honestly they played with such ferocity I respected the not-looking-back gesture.
Jennifer Kelly:  In addition to alternate versions, there are a few cuts here that never made a proper Wire album.  I'm liking "Culture Vultures," for instance, which was recorded on a Peel Sessions, but never for a studio album.  
As was often the case, Peel got something especially visceral out of the band.  
Bryon Hayes:  I'm really liking "Underwater Experiences".  This track wound up on Document and Eyewitness and the more recent 10:20 collection, but in a sped up and aggressive format.  The version on Not About to Die is such a slow burner, you can feel the aggression building but it doesn't really burst until that last line, "to free my mind and break my neck".  Priceless!!
Bill Meyer:  Ian, that Read & Burn tour really drew me back in. As Wire’s music got more ponderous and less rhythmically interesting in the latter part of the late 1980s-early 1990s run, I grew very disenchanted. When they did the tour in the late 1990s where they finally played all the old tunes, I just didn’t want to know, and I sat it out; it seemed antithetical to their concept as a project in perpetual progress, and given what the Wire album had sounded like, I didn’t trust their judgment. But then I heard a promo of the first Read & Burn EP, I liked it, and decided to see the tour. The short, ferocious, and (yes, very) loud set of new material made it clear that I was wrong to write them off. The Read & Burn/Send era still really holds up for me.  
Jonathan Shaw:  Speaking of short and ferocious: I really like the way the recording quality gives some of the playing such an immediate snap. The opening seconds of "Stalemate," for example, in which the action of the strings feels so taught and sharp; or Gotobed's crazy, tight rhythmic structures in "Stepping Off Too Quick (Not about to Die)." The undercurrent of anxious tension is just about palpable. I've often found that really engaging on some of the classic records we've been discussing. "I Feel Mysterious Today" is a batshit song--as insanely paranoid as it is playful. That weird, psychologically inflected quality feels especially present in the playing on these demo tunes. So sharply attuned, so beset by nervous intensity. It's not the most pleasant thing to tune in to, but feels very much in tune with that thing we call post-punk.
Chris Liberato: The Read & Burn EPs and Send have held up for me as well, Bill. Those are good records. As for the songs on Not About To Die that didn’t make it onto a Wire album, I don’t think anyone’s mentioned “Oh No Not So (Save The Bullet)” yet. That one really threw me off on first listen; It’s so bouncy and jangly and generally un-Wire-like that I thought I was listening to a different band the first time I heard it. I had burned Not About to Die onto a CD-R (I know, I know) to play during a road trip and had it sequenced to follow a bunch of Neutrals’ music. When the Neutrals portion of the disc ended and “Oh No Not So” started, the two blended so well that my brain didn’t register that I listening to Wire until the chorus hit and just enough of Newman’s chilliness came through that it finally clicked.“It’s The Motive” is probably my favorite of the songs that didn’t appear on an album, though. I hadn’t thought about the similarities between Wire and The Feelies before Jenny mentioned it in the introduction, but Gotobed’s fills on that one definitely bring them to mind, as does the skittery guitar work and rhythm on tracks like “Once Is Enough.”
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ddarkhours · 4 years ago
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SKZ masturbating headcanons
Word Count: 1990 for the full thing; Requested: Nope hehe i just really wanted to do this:D
a/n: this is maybe my third time ever doing headcanons so we’ll see how this goes but i really liked writing this and it was me just being thirsty more than me writing it lmao anyway enjoy
Chan
Minho
I think Chan jacks off a few times a week. I feel like he’d do it mostly at home or in the bathroom but the thought of him doing it in the studio has been in my mind for a while. Like normally he’d go in the shower and turn on the water to mask any sounds, but sometimes he’s in the studio and he just needs to relax y’know. Also all of those background noises in some 3racha songs. He would put on some loud music, even though the studio is soundproof you can never be too safe, he would pull up a video on his phone (you decide if the video is his or not), and just pull his dick out, not fully taking his pants off. I see him groaning a lot and just breathing heavy, not really moaning especially since he’s alone. His hand doesn’t feel the same as you but it’ll do in the moment. I don’t think it would take him too long to cum and when he’d finish he would stop his movements, holding his cock at the base and just letting it shoot, groaning after every string of cum, and maybe a hiss here and there, either over his hand or in a tissue for convenience sake. 
That curtain he has on his bed is really giving me many thoughts here hhh. Anyway. Because he sleeps naked and that curtain is there on his bed, we can all use our imaginations to see what usually goes down. Minho is a little shit, so I see him kind of being an exhibitionist and because he doesn’t share a bunk with anyone I can see him masturbating in his bed most of the time. I don’t think he’d be too into porn, I mean sure he watches it sometimes but he prefers to use his imagination here, thinking of what you two did last weekend or the last time you gave him head/he ate you out, your moans are occupying his mind while he does it. I feel like Minho likes to tease himself so he doesn’t cum too often. He’d rather have one mind blowing orgasm a week than a couple mediocre ones. I think he’d jerk himself off and edge himself a couple of times a week but not let himself cum, just for the thrill of it, to see how far he can take it, feeling himself half hard all day turns him on even more. And when he finally let’s himself cum he’d be so spent. Groaning a lot and moaning quietly, he’d slow down his hand to almost a painful speed going down towards the base of his dick. He’d shoot over his stomach and probably up to his chest since he hasn’t cum in a while and continue to move his hand until his dick is basically soft and his orgasm wore off.
Changbin
Now. Idk if it’s because they’re producers or What but I can also picture Changbin jerking off in the studio, but more often than Chan. He’d do it in there most of the times he does it, maybe a couple of times a week because he feels comfy in there. He would do it when he takes a break from work, he’d just let his mind wander and most of the time it ends up in the gutter. He’d start to think about you, he’d think about the last time you guys fucked, when he hit it from the back, the way you moved over his dick. I have a feeling he would rub his cock through his pants for most if not all of it, in case anyone knocks on the door or wants to come in. If anyone were to come in he would stop, immediately. He isn’t into showing off at all. Unless of course it was you but that’s not what this is about rn lmao. He might cum in his pants or pull his dick out just to cum, like Chan either over his hand or in a tissue, but I see him hissing a lot more than Chan, and when his orgasm hits slowing down and tugging towards his tip basically milking himself for as long as he can.
Hyunjin
OKAY. Hyunjin would do it at his desk, no questions asked. I think he’d watch a lot of porn. I think his favourite videos would be something of you, maybe a clip you sent him or something you filmed together, and I think he would really love it if it was a short clip that just looped over and over. He’d get so into it, matching his rhythm with the video. OH also he gives me the vibe of someone who’d use a cock ring:) just to drag it out a little longer. Also strikes me as the type of guy who’d pull his dick back and let it slap against his stomach. You know how dramatic Hyunjin is, he’d be moaning and groaning and throwing his head back when he got somewhat close to cumming, I think he also really likes dirty talk a lot so he’d whisper things as if you were there fhfdj. His head would fall back and he’d lean forward, spreading his legs more, squeezing near the tip and catching his cum in his other hand.
Jisung
Jisung is a bundle of energy, and I think he gets riled up easily so I see him jerking off almost probably every day. He doesn’t have a preference on where he does it, probably wherever he can get privacy at the moment and I also think he wouldn’t be embarrassed to ask for privacy. Like if he just got to the bathroom, rock hard from thinking about you all day, and someone tried to ask him to let them shower first he’d tell them straight up “Kinda have something I need to take care of”. Absolutely shameless. But sometimes when he wants to drag it out a bit or finally has some free time he gives the vibe that he’d have a fleshlight or those silicone eggs. He would pull up some videos on his laptop, imagining it’s you and that you’re riding him, thrusting up into the toy. He’d pull out to cum most of the time because cleaning it is a pain. He would jerk himself off so fast just trying to cum, his hand would go over his cock at lightning speed, letting out high pitched moans and shooting over his abs and just laying there with his dick in his hand as his heart rate calmed down… Alternatively if he’s super into it and just lost in the pleasure he’ll just let himself go and cum inside, shoving his dick as far as he can into it and holding it down as his spurts of cum would shoot inside.
Felix
Most of these have gone solo but even when jerking off Felix would want to do mutual masturbation or at the very least call you to hear your voice. Felix is so sweet:(( and he’s so clingy even if he can’t directly see you, he’d want you to talk dirty to him through the phone, and ask you to moan for him. I think he’d really be into facetiming and just watching you play with yourself, that’s what gets him off the most, knowing that you feel good too. He’d say things like “baby tell me how good you feel”, “I wish you were here with me” and such. I feel like he’d either ask you if he can cum or he’d ask you to cum with him. He’d be so into it, letting his head fall back and moaning super deep raspy moans, stroking his dick for you to see, shooting wherever it lands, he doesn’t care at that moment. If he was to do it alone I think he’d be into ruining his own orgasm and making himself cum a couple of times, doing this occasionally and only once or twice per round. He’d jerk off to the thought of you, using both hands to rub his cock and when he’d feel close he would remove his hands, leaving his body quivering, the thought of you pushing him closer and closer with his dick twitching until with one last breath he finally lets go and he cums just from the thought of you, your body, you taking him, he would moan and buck his hips into nothing, his seed landing all over himself and the floor/bed sheets. His spurts of cum would get weaker and weaker with each orgasm, until he finally let’s himself enjoy his orgasm and his cum would cover his hand.
Seungmin
Does it in the bathroom strictly, he’s a neat freak you can’t change my mind. Cumming anywhere besides the drain just seems messy and unhygienic. Seungmin is the only member that I don’t really have a clear picture in my head of. I feel like he could go both ways and just use his hands or have some sort of toy. I’m thinking vibrating cock ring so that he doesn’t have to use his hands as much. I can see him putting his arm on the wall and putting his face in the crook of his elbow to suppress any moans as he thinks of you. The vibrations of the ring are enough to make him cum on it’s own so his hand is stroking his dick slowly. oH he plays with his nipples a lot, even when he’s alone it makes him cum faster. He’d imagine you masturbating, his hand slowly starting to pick up speed until he’s breathing heavily, biting the inside of his arm, the vibrations of the toy making his legs shake and he’d spill his cum down the drain, his hand helping milk himself under the running water.
Jeongin
He’d do it a lot. He is the youngest so I’m imagining he would be horny a lot. He would do it on his bed as much as he could, laying on his back with his shirt pulled up and his shorts pulled down just enough for his cock and balls to be out with one hand behind his head. I think he watches a lot of porn too, maybe hentai but I’m not gonna go too deep into that. He would have his phone propped up either on some pillows in front of him or on the wall. He jerks off in waves- let me explain- he goes fast and brings himself closer to orgasm before slowing down, playing with his tip, massaging it for a little bit before going again. He’d do this a lot, everytime he would play with his tip he’d use his finger tips to massage behind the head where it feels reall good. It would make his legs shake and his cock twitch so much it would slip out of his hands sometimes, his jaw would hang open and he’d time it so it lines up with the best part of the video. When the person in the video cums it would send him reeling, it would be the tipping point that makes him cum. He would try to stay as quiet as possible, not only for the members not to hear him but also for his own enjoyment. He’d hold his hand still while he fucks up into it, pretending it’s the real thing. He’d aim for his stomach but with how good it feels it would be all over his bedsheets.
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kuekyuuq · 4 years ago
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Timeline Issues /w Supergirl
Today’s topic: Lena's age
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I am aware, this topic isn’t new, but it bothers me and to my knowledge it’s been a while since it’s been looked into thoroughly - and it’s the s06 mid-season hiatus, so plenty of time to look at things closely... So, let’s dig right in:
"According to the official CW website, Lena is between 25 and 32 years old since her first appearance." 
[Source: Wikipedia, which links to a source from November 2018, but there's no mention of Lena's age in that source o.O]
...I am not sure what to make of the lack of source / credit / quote here, so what else do we have?
According to arrow.fandom.com Lena Kieran Luthor is born on October 24, 1993 [Source: Supergirl: The Secret Files of Kara Danvers, a companion book for Supergirl written by Warner Bros. Television, dubbed The Ultimate Guide to the Hit TV Show;  page of reference. ]. This much better credited source ties in with her graduating from MIT before 2012, when at the age of 19 she met and befriended Jack Spheer. And taking over LuthorCorp after Lex got convicted - at the sweet age of 23 - in 2016, and meeting Kara. She was young, but it’s a family business, she’s really smart (has 2 doctorates) and rich and her last name is Luthor, so board-members may have fought her every step, but really had to at least give her a chance, I guess.
And for some episodes and flashbacks those dates internally made sense (outside Katie McGrath being a whole 10 years older than her character ...presumably... Katie keeps her personal info very, well, personal) - and for many others it was / is inconsequential.
In episode 2x12 - set early 2017 - the title card for the flashback of Lena being brought into the Luthor mansion says "20 years ago" and we know Lena was 4 years old when her mother vanished into that lake (a theory for another day) and Lionel Luthor 'adopted' her. Which again puts Lena at being born in 1993.
But then, there's episode 5x06 (set in 2019), which features a flashback with the title card "15 years ago" and shows a teenage Lena and Andrea meeting at Mount Helena Boarding School and go (illegally) drinking. Which would set the flashback in 2004/05, and Lena being 11/12 years old - and in NO WAY would pass for drinking age and sneak into a bar with Andrea!
(Young Lena's actress, Lucy Loken, is born in 1999, making her 20 -!- at the time of filming of that episode. If the actress' age was any indication, Lena would have been 32 in 2016 at her first appearance in the show - which already exceeds the only other not-really-a source for her age.)
Yet, the rest seems to fit her vintage of 1993 again...
A 21 year old Lena, who has been working with Jack in their garage to cure cancer, while advocating at LuthorCorp, gets fired by Lex (who taunts her to go work at Jack's family business, Spheer Industries).
She takes a little time off instead, to grab Andrea and go on their treasure hunt in the Costa Rican jungle.
Their search for the Acratan medallion is set as "five years ago" according to the title card from 5x06 (set in 2020) putting the event somewhere late 2014 / early 2015, just before the series' very pilot.
A short while after that, Lena and Jack start a romantic relationship (3 years after meeting him, putting her at about 22 years old).
In 2016 (four years before the events of 5x06) Lex kidnaps Lena, ties her to a chair and brags about how he turned the sun red.
Lex is taken in by the police / gives himself up (?)
Jack comes running in, comforts a shaken Lena, he invites her to London
In London Lena meets Andrea again, who wears the medallion...
A few months later, Lex is convicted to 32 consecutive life-sentences and sent to Striker's Island
Lena (23) sees Supergirl on TV and ends things with Jack in Metropolis
Lena moves to National City, takes over LuthorCorp and gets interviewed by Kara (and Clark)...
So... yeah. Most mentions of times and dates are vague, at best. Sources are hard to find. Assumptions are easily made.
Could Lena indeed be older than stated in the only tangible source that I could? Sure. That would mean instead of just assuming Lena meeting Andrea was timestamped wrongly, several other mentions of dates and time-frames were wrong / off by some years, but it could work.  
What else does that mean? Kara's born in 1966, was 13 in 1979 when Krypton exploded and her pod got stuck in the Phantom Zone. Not one, but two decades later - in 2003 her pod landed on Earth, she's still 13 years old... (putting her year of birth in fake documents at 1990) And in 2015, in the pilot, Kara's 25. Kara is 2-3 years older than Lena.
...or 49 years old and 26-27 years older than Lena, if you add the PZ-years .-.
Then again, now we have to deal with a completely new past and changed series / circumstances of past events thanks to Crisis (since 5x09)...
...
I am not trying to shame the writers on doing anything wrong, the show mislabeling things or the creative heads of not knowing their own timeline. I could have missed something or may take the wrong source(s) or shown references to be valid! I - a crazy fan who looks at all the given details - am just trying to make sense of the given facts and the implied timeline.
Is all that really important on the bigger scale of things? No. It really isn't. But, for anyone who wants to write fanfics and keep their facts straight, wants to remain somewhat in-canon and make certain points plot-points, or just get their references right, this IS a point worth looking into.
So, I hope that helped some of you or helped to re-evaluate some things. Or that some of you can add to this and / or correct any mistakes or faulty assumptions I made, so I can figure this inconsistency out and rest more easily.
Kue out.
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zukosgay · 5 years ago
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I see you posting about horror and I would love some recs if you have some to share 🙏
i just accidentally deleted a whole list fjahsjdasd i hate my life. anyways, i’m just gonna go ahead and assume you know the classics that get recommended all the time (the babadook, the ring, the exorcist, the vvitch, the conjuring, hereditary, the thing, insidious, etc.). here’s some underrated/indie horror movies i rarely see talked about (favs are in italics):
The not-actually-that-scary-but-still-good horror movies:
Let The Right One In (2008) – I mean, it’s literally my favorite movie/book and I have a tattoo of it, we been knew
Possum (2018) – I cannot even begin to tell you how much I adore this movie. Horror movies about CSA that explore it without once showing the actual rape, but still being terrifying/disturbing nonetheless?? Just an irish guy chilling with the puppet personification of his csa trauma????? Hells yeah (huge TW for spiders tho, i mean. I’m not scared of spiders but that fucking puppet is stil terrifying no matter how much I look at it)
Hard Candy has a soft spot in my heart. That’s my emotional support „ellen page tortures pedophiles“ movie
Thirst (2009)
Ravenous (1999) THE INHERENT ROMANTICISM OF BEING GAY AND CANNIBALS ON A MOUNTAIN. Brokeback mountain for cannibals
We Are What We Are (2010)
Marrowbone (2017)
The transfiguration (2016) – there’s so little vampire stories with black people, and i really loved how this wasn’t outright fantasy horror but had more of a ‚vampirism as an actual mental illness‘ approach
Nightbreed (1990) this movie IS lgbt cinema history
Gerald’s Game (2017) – we get it elena you love horror movies about the trauma of CSA
The autopsy of jane doe (2017) - i feel like this movie is perfect for horror fans who are tentative about seeing any big grotesque/gorey jumpscares 
As Above, So Below (2014) (the first and so far only movie that got permission to film in the paris catacombs) (also good for starters)
The Actually-Scary (at least to me) movies:
Lake Mungo (2008) ((think of TMA’s The End)) (i deadass think about this movie so often, the story is so devastating and really stays in my head. also the bg ghosts)
The [REC] franchise!!! any of those movies fuck me up and are TERRIFYING (again ff) 
I watched 30 Days of Night (2007) when it came out, when i was way too young, and it still to this day holds the spot for coolest vampire design (they modelled them after the jaws of white sharks!!! They’re supposed to be slavic strigoi) and also one of the only one times where i was actually scared by vampires
Livid (2011) (french horror movie!) (v gorey)
The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014) (found footage of a demonic mom – you’ll see a lot of FF on this list cuz i think it’s criminally underrated and terrifying if done well)
NOROI: The Curse (2005) ((ff))
Open water (2003) (this is scary to me because it’s based on a true story about a couple who went cave diving in the ocean with a guide who got LEFT BEHIND in the middle of the motherfucking ocean – with literally nothing to hold onto and no one even reporting them missing. Also, after i watched this i did a lil research and turns out there’s quite a lot of people ‚going missing‘ while taking swimming lessons where the guides will just drive to shore without them YEARLY. Fucked up if true) ((this has tma the vast vibes))
Clown (2014) (I recommend this to people who aren’t scared to like Eli Roth movies and think It Chap. 1 was boring)
Martyrs (2008) – a classic, this movie is bound to disturb you. It’s about child abuse and the survivors of child abuse enacting revenge, though it’s not the typical csa/anything similiar. HUGE tw for uhhhh, torture, self harm, mutilation etc..
Mama (2008) – the goth tattooed rocker chic jessica chastain movie
The bay (2012) (ff)
The last exorcism (2010) (ff)
The wailing (2016)
If you put on any V/H/S movie for me I’m guaranteed to shit my pants, so there’s that
May (2002) – i turned lesbophobic after watching this movie. About a lesbian obsessed with dolls i’ll say nothing more
The not-as-scary-but-still-scary-so-i-dont-wanna-put-them-in-the-first-list-in-case-i-traumatize-anyone movies:
Creep 1 & 2
The Strangers
The void (2016) ((tma the spiral))
The Hallow (2015)
The loved ones (2009) – a classic
Excision (2012) (if you liked raw)
Devil’s pass (2013)
Afflicted (2013) ((ff))
The cell (2000)
Session 9 (2001)
They Look Like People (2015)
The children (2008) – fuck them KIDS
The blackcoat’s daughter (2015)
I really liked Armie Hammer’s netflix original Wounds (2019)? IDK why. I found the story (albeit better suited as a short story) fascinating
Night Eats The World (2018) – another french movie! This time it’s about the inherent isolation and loneliness in locking yourself in a parisian apartment all alone with a bunch of zombies eating the rest of the world
Pontypool (2008)
The lure (2015) – yes, we’re polish, yes, we’re mermaids, yes, we eat men, yes, we also perform in a pop girl group WE EXIST!
I am not a serial killer (2016)
Green room (2015)
That’s it, pretty much. 
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stephenrea · 3 years ago
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Do you like watching movies? Have any favourites you'd like to recommend?
Yes chicken I love watching movies and would be delighted to recommend some!
I'm a massive filmbro who analyzes themes and writes comparative pieces in her free time so I'm currently pacing up and down my room trying to find a way to answer this succinctly and not give a deep dive on every movie I've ever seen. Rather than gush about some of the absolute classics (reservoir dogs, possession, the princess bride, rope, the handmaiden) I'm gonna talk about some movies that I never see on my dash (or just on this site in general):
In the Name of the Father 1993
Of the three Jim Sheridan films I've seen this one is actually my least favourite, however it's probably the most digestible if you're not irish or are unfamiliar with society in 20th century Ireland and the troubles (*wink wink nudge nudge*) surrounding that time. If you're into prison dramas/courtroom injustice/daniel day lewis then I highly recommend it. Massive shout out also to The Field 1990 and My Left Foot 1989 which are a little rougher around the edges and camp in places but are both certified bangers.
The House 2022
This one's a collection of three disturbing short stories surrounding a house. It's a stop motion film that uses a different style+directors with each story but it retains the running theme of obsession and of course the house motif. I love me a story with style and layers and this one has that.
Oh Brother Where Art Thou? 2000
This one's cheating cause it's an award winning classic that I assumed everyone had watched but apparently not as I haven't found a single gifset of it on this site. It's the Coen brother's finest in my opinion and that's really saying something.
I'm Thinking of Ending Things 2020
This one's also cheating cause it does get attention on here and was nominated for several awards. But I don't care I could go on about this movie for hoursssssss it's sooooooooooo fucking good I've seen it five times in the past year (i haven't rewatched a movie that much in any space of time since I was 8). The layers, the motifs, the critiques, the editing, the acting, the personal attacks are all i n s a n e.
Les Triplettes de Belleville 2003
This one's french af to the point of parody, which I know is a turn off for some people but lads...............the soundtrack......is unreal. Tell me an old woman riffing on a broken bicycle wheel while three even older women lurk out of the shadows to freestyle a cover of their own cabaret classic isn't the basis for musical inception. There's no dialogue, the elaborate and borderline grotesque animation does all the talking. It's a weird one but a good one. (also the animation isn't rick and morty/BoJack horseman ugly, it's an active protest against disney-pixar cuteness ugly)
I'll leave at that I think 💕. If ye want to ask about a specific genre or seek recs based on a vibe, I'm happy to make a basic list without the rambles <3
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