#I just want things to get better
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Frankie has some kind of norovirus/food poisoning (?) which sucks. I made chicken noodle soup for dinner tonight which was extremely comforting for me, and he managed to keep a bowl down so far (knock on wood). Yesterday he had PT and then we went to the beach and ate bacon and drank cider and petted all the dogs who came within petting distance of the blanket (a lot) but now he is sick and pale and so tired. I really hope he feels better soon because it's lonely being without him on a week like this.
Luckily, I am well physically. Sick mentally but I guess I should have known. I ran 3.45 miles very slowly (43 minutes) this morning to the reservoir and back. I never thought I'd be able to do that. Tomorrow I am volunteering at the soup kitchen again, which is about 40 minutes away by train aka lots of knitting time. I should finish the hat soon. I still haven't cast on for Frankie's sweater-- hoping I can get to that soon. I deleted all social media (including tumblr, which is why I am so verbose today-- I compose better on my computer) off my phone to avoid doomscrolling with the result that I made 100 pages of progress on the book I am currently reading (Gaudy Night by Dorothy Sayers).
On Sunday my friend is running their first half marathon and I am going to go cheer them on and bring them Recovery Sourdough (TM). On Monday and Tuesday I have more interviews with local practices. I'm really hoping I can get some kind of job, Frankie goes back to work on the 18th and my life is going to be very empty unless I come up with something else to do, and soon.
#everything feels very empty and pointless#I just keep doing things and hoping for the best#I stress baked like 30 english muffins the other day and gave them away through my local mutual aid group#does it matter in the grand scheme probably not but at least some kids got a nice breakfast#I'm signed up for like 5 more shifts at the soup kitchen because at least I can do something and not think about it#I just want things to get better#I'm so devastated I really really wanted to believe we lived in a different kind of place than we do#my projects#kind of
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#tw suicide#tw overdose#tw suicide attempt#a close friend of mine overdosed for the 4th time in as many weeks last night and i just dont know what to feel anymore#she was sent home from the emergencies the 1st time and was staying with me for the 2nd which i still feel guilty about#how i was an idiot for not hiding any meds while i was in the shower#spent the full day at the hospital with her to make sure she was taken into inpatient care and not just dismissed#then yesterday morning shes released from the hospital and winds up in the same place that dismissed her the 1st time in the evening#and now isnt replying to any of my messages#and im just oscillating between feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety and nothing at all#and then feeling guilty when i feel nothing#or guilty that im angry at her because she purposefully did and said thing to hurt me#but shes hurting and i need and want to give her some slack but i just felt that attachment i had to her fade after the last thing she did#and i cant even bring it up with her bc last time i did she spiralled and didnt talk to me for a week#which is fucking worrying when shes so unstable#but ive not been eating or sleeping and just feel awful and anxious#at least now i have xanax for the panic attacks and dont have to rely on alcohol anymore but god#i just want things to get better#vent#delete later
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my dad is back in the hospital again :(
#katie.txt#he’ll be ok i think.. he’s had a bad reaction to his new meds..#it’s been such an awful time lately… i am so stressed out#i just want things to get better
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The FNAF Vanessas meet their younger selves..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf vanny#fnaf vanessa#vanessa shelly#vanessa afton#fnaf movie#security breach#fnaf fanart#MORE SCENE VANNY 🩵🩵🩵#also this is a semi sequel to the Mikes ver I made#seeing I think the Vanessas deserve the funny too 😤#I like to think Vanny would tell her younger self white lies#she knows at that age she just wanted to know life would get better for her#seeing teen her was stuck living with her awful father#Vanessa’s life does get hard again as an adult but.. SINCE HW2 I think she’s in a better place#finally stood up to her abuser and all so it does get better#WHILE MOVIE VANESSA …#bit more manic here BAHAH#listen if younger Vanessa loosen screws on her fathers suit#would anyone even know 🙏🏾#she could get away with it-#Movie Vanessa of course would want to prevent things anyway she can#the Afton kids always being a lil crazy is so real
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I’m in the South. I’ve got ears to the ground. Republicans are SWEATING at the prospect of Kamala being nominated. They’re not sure Trump can beat her.
Let’s prove them right.
#us politics#kamala harris#us news#joe biden#2024 presidential election#go vote#I want to see him in a prison jumpsuit. it’ll match his face.#I am FIRED UP#if we get off our asses and vote he’ll be a thing of the past#that alone should be motivating#I’m gonna lose followers posting stuff like this#but I need the anti voting crowd to tell me what the actual plan is#do you have a candidate in mind or are you just waiting for something better to come along#we have 3 months
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I’ve felt sad ever since the last week of august. And, honestly, it’s fair. Many things happened around these times last year and, honestly, they weren’t good at all.
I just wish this September isn’t as bad
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#super corny and annoying but I got my heart split in two#I’m throwing up my meals#can’t hold water down to save my life#my chest hurts so much#taking pain killers doesn’t hurt#I’ve been almost down right abusing my anxiety meds#I try sleeping everything off#it’s only been two days#I just want things to get better#I don’t have transportation so I can’t numb it out by being super social#I’m alone and I don’t want to be alone#I feel like someone’s ripped me open and every interaction hurts so so so much#I feel raw and exposed#it feels like a sin to want to be loved#to want to be held#and everyone’s saying oh good for you you deserve better#that I won in this situation#I feel like Icarus#I desire love. I want to taste it on my tongue. I want it to want me. I want to be held and feel alive in its warmth#and at every turn there’s only deceptions and illusions#I wish I could sufficate myself to end my pain#I want a scapegoat#I want to be mad and push blame at something#I want to gnaw at it with my teeth until I have nothing but gums left#I feel sick#I just want to feel better#I want to know that it’s not a mistake to love that it’s meant for me too#but I really don’t think it is#I feel like damaged goods. unfit and unsuitable for human consumption#anyways.
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Scary Sunset.
I'm concepting things way outta order in this story, but I'm sure you can piece things together. Context is for a storybeat where, after defeating and capturing Adagio (thus having all three sirens in her possession), Sunset enacts her revenge plot to release the sirens on Canterlot as Thea discovers she's been manipulated. In a confrontation, the two scuffle and fight over the siren orbs while Sunset struggles with her conflicting wants and emotions.
#mlp#sunset shimmer#twilight sparkle#twiset#the orbs are the glass balls sunset carries on her back btw its in her cast line up art#deep down sunset hates thea. she was named “twilight” by celestia. the time of day succeeding sunset. she was always her replacement#but at this point in the story sunset's also fallen for thea. so it's also a conflict of wills in sunset. love or hatred.#hence the “don't make me do this” language. she's rationalizing her hatred and violence as thea forcing her hand and getting in her way#when in reality she doesn't need to do any of this. it's her last stand and outburst to cling to a life of revenge that she's grown too#fond of. because she knows thea has the power to change that and disrupt her identity as a pathetic victim who fell from glory#and that's scary. thea's a very scary thing to sunset because suddenly sunset wants something and to be someone new.#she suddenly wants to change. to be better for someone else. and she never thought or believed that could be an option for her#anyways toxic yuri yayyy#my art#the grand galloping 20s#character design#i hope i got across the pained conflicted emotions in sunset's face tho i belabored over them these past 3 days#i hope a look of anger and dissonance and guilt and “oh god i don't really wanna hurt you please just obey me” while trying to intimidate#is readable. if so it's all in the eyebrows babey
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Got once again told that I was "good at making conversation" and had "people and communication skills"
and that is the biggest lie I ever heard
so a girl will end up writing some sort of "practical guide to making conversation, by a recovering agoraphobic".
But also. If you need a "how to people when no social skills" guide right now, my absolute no bullshit guide is The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook (2018, 3rd ed), esp chap 8 and 10. Includes: how long is appropriate to look at someone in the eyes? What are good conversation topics for your neighbors, your colleagues, your boss, your date? How to safely practice social skills/conversation? How to handle shaking/blushing/sweating/nervous stuttering? How is talking to a group different from talking to one person? How to gracefully end a conversation? How to ask for a change at your work schedule? How to start getting better at it *progressively* without being overwhelmed?
It's not a feel good self help/self improvement book, it is not a magic remedy with secret formula, it is more of a "let's learn a new language", with homework and notes to take. Give it a try, it is very easy to find it online
#social anxiety#you will not magically develop social skills!#but you can absolutely get better!#the book is also a good ref if you dont have social anxiety and just want to improve your people skills#a girl makes no money out of this book ok#it just was the best thing for me when I needed a “how to people” that was not some feel good “just be yourself hun!”#social skills
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pin-up
b&w originals
#my art#basslinegrave art#venture bros#dr. girlfriend#dr. mrs. the monarch#the monarch#henchman 21#ok so. pin up and pinned butterflies. tell me thats not the best idea ever#did i manage to pull it off how i wanted? maaybe? i do like these but i wish i had used the same color settings for all#when using the howsitcalled. gradient map things. because they dont look as uniform#but i was lazy to redo dr mrs especially plus i like how she looks i just couldnt get monarch and 21 the same#also somehow these look better and more colorful on my pc?? usually its on my phone i dont know what happened#also i ended up adding one colored thing to each because i first colored in dr. mrs' eyes#then realized the other two dont have colored eyes but 21 has the red lenses. but monarch??#i only went over the logo on his chest a bit with a more reddish color but its not too visible so well#imagine its better and they all match properly...#hope i got the butterfly names right#those were last minute additions after i learned about the viceroy butterfly yesterday#dr mrs is a queen butterfly#ask to tag#suggestive#wanted to put that as one of the top tags but i wrote it with a typo so i hope tumblr picks it up this low#also forgor to say i put my crunch handle on these cause they were meant to go on that blog ignore that#i think i forgot to add one to monarch or i hid it that well lmao#my 2 braincells rubbed the wrong way
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On one hand, Young Justice is kind of neglected by the actual superheroes that should be looking out for them in a lot of crucial ways and very much failed by the adults around them
But on the other hand Red Tornado straight up hosts a parent-teacher conference where their respective legal guardians all show up, barring Batman who’s in traffic so Nightwing fills in instead because Robin’s dad does not know he’s a vigilante which is objectively hilarious
#Superboy does not have a name and his ass is constantly getting groomed like Clark please take a more active role in his life#And all of these guys need a healthy interaction with their respective legacies that does not involve heroing#Take them out for lunch! Play a video game with them! Let them be a kid around you without getting criticized!#Red Tornado had barely reconnected with his own humanity and he’s taken a more active role in being like they are safe happy and learning#compared to the people who literally are the reason they exist in the first place#and is the only one who seems to recognize their potential and ability as a team! and he wants others to know that!#and it’s kind of heartbreaking because the JLA should be paying attention to them and noticing how they succeed and instead just show up#at the worst possible time and take things out of context and criticize them and bestie I bet you they are a lot better of a hero#than *you* were at 14-16 because they actually are going out and making a difference and saving people#but the ones who should support them the most are barely there for them at all#someone give these kids healthy and appropriate emotional support I am begging you#yj#young just us#young justice#yj98#bart allen#tim drake#kon el#conner kent#superboy#robin#dc impulse#cassie sandsmark#wonder girl#cissie king jones#arrowette#greta hayes#slobo dc#empress#anita fite
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Dcxdp where Danny has been working with a hero team (did Bruce adopt him? Did he help the teen titans and got told to join them? Idk) for less than a year, maybe they knew eachother for longer, but Danny has been living with them for some months.
Now, I imagined this as a "Danny has to flee to a different dimension after a giw attack/reveal gone wrong" but it can work with other scenarios, the important thing is, death days are important for a ghost's wellbeing, but nobody knows/remembers Danny's deathday or that it's important to commemorate the dead. Maybe he hasn't told anyone yet cause he doesn't want to be a bother, or doesn't trust them enough yet.
So Danny takes the matter on his own hands, each year he goes to a quiet corner of the local graveyard, where he has a piece of marble and a small vase, he usually buys some flowers for his memorial grave and makes some fudge as an offering.
This year wasn't gonna be different, he told his team/family that he was gonna spend the day out, he chose an elegant but comfortable outfit, made some fudge, and saved it on the fridge with a note that said "phantom, do not eat".
The next part might work better with a young hero team, cause despite the note, someone took a bite of the fudge for breakfast.
Danny clearly gets mad, they didn't know, but they just ate an offering, a great offense to the dead it was offered to.
It all ends in a big fight, Danny doesn't want to admit that it was an offering for himself (it just hurts to admit that nobody remembers his death), and the other person thinks he's just having a tantrum over some fudge, like, c'mon, they can make you some if it's SO important to you 😒
And I don't know how to end it cause it came to me while falling asleep and don't remember more T-T
#i know there was a thing where Danny's fraid bonds shattered and he just runs away while the team is like#what just happened why do i feel like my family just died#want them to go running to find phantom and when they finally find the little makeshift grave they get so sad#and danny is nowhere to be found#either cause he has to go to the zone to heal or is too weak or sad and hid on the artic or something#when they finally find him there's tearful apologies and promises to not only do better. but improve communication so -#- this doesn't happen again#dcxdp#dcxdp prompt#dcxdp crossover#WOKE UP CRYING CAUSE OF THIS AJSHSHHSHZJA
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can't believe im saying this but long time no megumi
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#jjk megumi#jjk art#am i getting my speed back or am i just procrastinating what im Actually supposed to me doing the answer may surprise u#regardless i realized i havent drawn megu properly since waaaaay pre-halloween and i was feeling the withdrawals#i wanted to get a handle on this newish render style with yuuji first bc i think the lighter hair forces me to know what im doing#vs with black u can hide things a lot better so its easy to play it safe and revert 2 usual habits#so im rly happy i did yuuji first bc these bruise-y colours on megumi's hair look SO good i cld cry#im rly enjoying this thing where i put whatever colour down wherever without worrying abt being too precious with it#the bright neon salmons the dusty purples the olive greens these r all colours i would not normally turn to#esp fr skin#but its so FUN it makes the lighting so fun and saturated and interesting to look at#overall this ws nowhere near as meticulous or 'clean' as the yuuji draws but i didnt needit to b so its ok#this ws just an afternoon#n i just needed to draw megumi :'> i abandoned my boy..........#yall im having fun drawing again pro tip if u feel stuck Do New Things#yet another lesson you think i wld have Retained after 21 years of drawing
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💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖
For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!
The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^
What's been added to the 3.5 version?
📺 Streamer Mode!
I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.
Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh
This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!
⚙️ Custom Pronouns!
It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;
Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!
💗 Choose how others perceive you!
You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.
For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!
📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!
You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3
Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!
I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;
I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao
📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!
You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!
Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!
I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;
It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)
🖤 Additional Scenes Update!
Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!
If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.
After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga
🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!
I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!
I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.
Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.
How to download and play the update?
(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!
Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)
Enjoy!!
#14 days with you#14dwy#💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — updates.#🖤 — spoilers.#I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately#Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To It™️#(''it'' bein the grind 💪 It never stops lmao /silly)#OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'll—#—make ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;)#However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing)#So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me from—#—continuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue#—this kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3#Aaaaaanways!! 😮💨#My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folks—#—again in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!!#This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v;#Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe#🖤 — shut up sai.
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got an urge to design ponies oops
#If people like this I'll do the rest of the life cast... No cutiemarks though cause Im really bad at those#geminitay fanart#pearlescentmoon fanart#jimmy solidarity#martyn inthelittlewood#scott smajor fanart#zombiecleo fanart#bdubs fanart#ethoslab fanart#impulse fanart#joel smallishbeans#he was difficult lol. I tried all sorts of green + brown (sometimes borderline red) colors but none felt quite right#so I just. made both the body and hair both green and brown. I think theres definitely a better design to be had here but I did my best#ldshadowlady fanart#Impulse ofc mostly inspired from that one skin where he has a beard#seeing people do fan designs for lifers is the only thing that gave me the urge to draw this#I wanted to see how much the colors could be played around with without making the ponies unrecognizable#and also like. pleasant to the eye. Again as if they could fit into the show itself#there arent a lot of skin toned ponies walking around equestria for a reason... it's uncanny unfortunately#that often makes fan ponies all follow the exact scame scheme of light body + dark hair#they get really indistinguishable so go wild!!!! mix things up!!!#sorry Im passionate about animal character design and ponies#tubby art
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#was looking for some fics with these two#I imagine this is one of their first interactions and Hunter is already fed up with Darius#but Darius is just trying to get to know the successor of his mentor and check if he's at least a little bit capable of doing his job#he's also a little weirded out by the similarity between these two#basically I imagine Darius gave him a couple of vibe checks that Hunter had failed#and Hunter takes it as questoning his place in the coven#god darius design is so pink and awful#it's so jover uni starts tommorow#it's like the most boring drawing ever but I'm just still in my I have to get better at backgrounds era#and also if I'll draw 100 awful things I get a decent one eventually#it's like inktober but lasts your whole life and devours your soul in the process#no caption just pure tags now I understand those few people who keep reblogging all my tags cuz I give all the fucking context there#there's probably like 10 things I would spot tommorow that would fix the drawing a whole bunch but I just ...don't want to ig#the owl house#sheerak#the golden guard#darius deamonne#hunter toh#toh hunter#hunter deamonne#toh fanart#the owl house fanart#dadrius#not yet but#you guys most fellow toh fanartists moved on and fanart fiona and cake but I keep brainrotting the same stuff over and over#good old toh trashpile
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