#I just wanna be able to function | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vpyre · 3 months ago

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Me when I burn myself out on writing once again after promising another fic 🫠

#vent #vent in tags #sorry #I sure wish doing the one thing I consider myself good at didn’t drain my energy and make me like my hyperfixation less #I honestly don’t even know if I’m actually good at it anymore. like I legitimately cannot tell #I have no sense of the quality of my writing anymore #like jesus christ I just wanna be creative but it feels like I’m drowning in incomprehensible words when I write #there are almost NO Copia fics that suit my taste so I’ve been trying to write them myself #so far I’ve only succeeded in writing one full fic; a couple blurbs; several WIPs; and making myself suicidal 👍🏻#why is being creative so draining #I just wanna be able to function #I wanna be able to bring life to the characters I love #but autistic burnout is just suffocating me #I feel like I’m actively getting dumber #and worse at writing #like the words I need are playing tag with me and I’m it #I’m so detached from the creative process that- on top of not being able to enjoy it- I can’t tell if I’m even making sense #vpyre’s verbosity #writing woes

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moeblob · 2 months ago

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North and Simon: (shaking hands on killing Simon potentially)

#detroit become human #north wr400 #simon pl600 #markus rk200 #josh pj500 #jericho is just... so funny to me as like. how they function (or dont)#like im v glad that i did a Good Job my first run and no one hated me but i also felt like a very distraught parent #in regards to how markus is just able to either hurt them (by suggestions OF THE OTHERS IN THE GROUP)#or help them because hey what the fuck i just dragged simon to safety and now north wants me to kill him #and then simon like oh no north got shot you should leave her BUT ! i saved her and made simon happy #so its like you know what they have to have some animosity but also respect #i feel like i wanna see more of north and simon being buddies ... and i might have to do that myself #but i also apologize if this is ooc for them because i really did only just play through once and got a not good end #i probably missed a lot of lore and stuff so im v sorry if im Messing Them Up #its currently just me liking their designs and vibes and hoping im not ruining other fans lives by being wrong #and i honestly dont know when north would kill simon but hes on her possible victims list #so since both of their victim lists include themselves for suicide it just reminded me of the meme #with im so mad im gonna (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health)#and it was like yeah watch north be like im gonna (well if i cant kill myself because markus said no suicide) murder someone

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bunnihearted · 2 months ago

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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me

#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can #even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for #but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it #but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot #even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to #or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human #and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have #if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person #but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless #maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean #it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it #and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things #but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me #that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor #and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know #i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness #and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk #talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo #and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else #even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get #in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao #anyway whatever 😔

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blackhholes · 2 months ago

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teen wolf meme: [6/6] creatures -> ghost riders

In storm clouds just like these, phantom hunters would appear, riding black horses with blood-red eyes, and wolves and hounds at their side, baying and snarling. What were they hunting? Souls.

#teen wolf #ghost riders #twedit #twgifs #mine #my gifs #twmeme #THE LAST CREATURE LETSGOOO #i love their silly little western outfits that make zero sense #noshiko said they've been hunting since before she was born and she's around 900 years old #meaning like they've been around since before 1100 AT LEAST #did they see the wild west and all get so obsessed they had to change their uniform #jeff tell me i wanna know #anyways i think the way the show changed the ghost riders and the wild hunt in general is soooooo good #like erasing the people whose souls get taken is god tier like it's insanity inducing #and the way it only appears to erase people on the humane plane is also amazing #like theo not being affected by stiles being erased and being the only person to actually have memories of him and not just a vague feeling #all because he was in the skinwalker prison when it happened makes me wanna start biting #and the way in general that the structure of the wild hunt is set up in a way that makes it feel like them grabbing supernatural creatures #is almost a mistake #like the ghost riders only function of the humane plane and within the wild hunt it's as if the existence of other supernaturals doesn't #matter to them #obviously there's the whole banshee ghost rider thing the show explores with lydia #(which might i add is something jeff and the writers created i haven't been able to find any sources that talk about both working in #conjunction with each other)#but also the fact that werewolves can leave and enter the wild hunt at will but humans can't #like when that kid peter and stiles met tries to escape he's literally catapulted back but when peter does it he goes through albeit burned #and liam is able to enter the hunt on a horse he stole from a rider #it also makes me sooooo insane that the only way for humans to break through the hunt is through emotional connections #which is part of the overall theme of the show like the brutish force of the supernatural vs the enduring love of humanity

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skelelephant · 4 months ago

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HEY I’m also doing artfight for the first time this year, probably gonna add one or two more characters in the coming week, but I’m excited to try this out!!

Here I am!!

#artfight 2024 #cannot guarantee how much of this I’ll be able to do #but I wanna try!! even if I’m mostly attacking friends lol #i have no fucking idea how the search function works on this site #so if you follow me I’ll just follow you back right away so I can grab you and ur ocs #crumpled dark

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rouge-the-bat · 1 month ago

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contacting another place to get tested for adhd, lets see if this will actually get me anywhere or will just be another waste of time, that ill have to then spend forever trying to get myself to get past my executive dysfunction AGAIN to contact another place AGAIN !!!!!!!!

#trying to get an official diagnosis for adhd makes me wanna tear my hair out #like please.... i just want to be able to function finally....

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knifekris · 3 months ago

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every day i struggle to make choices

#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind #mostly because options suck #i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician #cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert #i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually #working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term #surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time #which is what limits most of my choices #i need to find more paid training programs i guess #if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself #but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late #i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly #acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying #it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics #but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever #i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training #because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for #and again #a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing #if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it #thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different #id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people #im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port #they were able to run like seven tests off of it #i had to use a couple ped tubes #she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier #labs are so miserable #checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world

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kanditvofficial · 11 months ago

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Me: *watching entry 84 of marble hornets bc I'm interested in animating it at some point* :3

Brian: *appears*

Me, instincively:

#guys i tink i have a problem #marble hornets #brian thomas #I REALLY DO WANNA ANIMATE THIS ENTRY BUT MY ADHD TAKES OVER SO BAD WHEN I SEE BRIAN I JUST EXPLODE /POS #idk if i lll be able to function if i try animating it but i really wanna #😭😭😭

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castdowns · 7 months ago

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the only half way safe space to be a lesbian is online and literally y’all fucking suck too, i am so depressed

#castdowns.txt #i hate conversion therapy i don’t want to be straight i don’t want to like men i don’t like them i don’t care for them #i am so tired of feeling like the most hideous creature because everything changes when people find out that i’m gay #like i’m either a little boy or a problem and i am so fucking sad #like sorry you can’t fix me but literally i will not be able to function if i concede more ground to men and patriarchy like i am so tired #i wanna lock myself in my room a lot of the time like i don’t feel good ever #and yes my period is coming but god dammit thats not the only thing wrong #its never the only thing wrong unfortunately i just have very strong emotions that i try to suppress all of the time #yes my fawn response is bad i know this i dont know what to do about the fact that there is nothing people organically like about me #everyone has to train themselves to tolerate me and i am not above working to be loved but it doesnt feel like work towards the love i want #it feels like tying a noose tighter and tighter #it feels like smiling while my blood is pooling down the fucking drain again and again #and i love people around me i do it just always feels like i am alone #i sleep under the flag and i sleep in my bed alone every night surrounded by the stuffed animals i buy to feel something #*jo march voice* i’m just so damn lonely

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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months ago

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...

#that's me in the corner. thats me in the spotlight crying into a PowerPoint #idk y its so hard for me to function rn #hopefully its over after today. ive just been so weepy. lots of crying at work and then leaving bc i dont wanna be seen crying at work #its so annoying. id like to b able to function again. get more than one thing done #i used to be an overproductive freak. what happened to that person? i think they died. i think i smothered them to death #and now im here with an empty head #unrelated

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tardis--dreams · 9 months ago

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I was so concerned with the horrors of making a doctor's appointment and the horrors of finding a job that i completely forgot about the worst horrors of them all. Finding an apartment.