#I just really like Frank in a role that I can fully embrace

[respectthepetty]

This director has one. more. time. to sniff the coach in The Rebound before I start planning their wedding.

And even though it's obvious Zen only loves Ryu, Atom is an amazing Green Guy who already incorporates Zen's colors into his life (the helmet!)

He deserves love and happiness and good things!

So if Prince can crush on his best friend and find love in the showers

Let me offer up another boy who Atom can find love with in unexpected places - JEDI!

As much as I support poly, Ryu and Zen are color-coded boys IN LOVE

And this is complicated

(But not as complicated as Ryu's relationship with "his brother" or Q's relationship with "his boss" --- if I ignore it all, it simply doesn't exist)

Jedi is on the team and will be at this retreat

But Ryu and Zen will be too busy with their own color-coded love story being tied up together and whatnot

So when Atom brings snacks . . . let The Force find him

Give this sweet kid a good love story.

Please.

[denimbex1986]

'When it was announced that Andrew Scott and Paul Mescal would be starring as lovers in All of Us Strangers, a film written and directed by Andrew Haigh, fans were buzzing on social media about what the combination would deliver. This was no surprise: Andrew Scott – already a celebrated actor from roles such as Moriarty in Sherlock, the ‘hot priest’ in Fleabag, and Gethin in the incredible 2014 film Pride – and Paul Mescal (Normal People, Aftersun) are the definition of queer catnip. Under director Haigh’s masterful eye, the end product is an enthralling exploration of what it means to be queer in today’s Britain. Even ahead of its general UK release, the film has already made an impact and literally shifted the language we use about gay/queer representation on screen.

Haigh – acclaimed for past feature films Weekend and 45 Years, as well as HBO series Looking – has crafted a tender examination of love in the shadow of shame. An enigmatic dive into the pain and pleasure of finding affection in another man through the constrictive confines of emotional isolation, All of Us Strangers excels on so many levels.

The premise: forty-something Adam (Scott) meets Mescal’s twenty-something Harry, and the pair begin a love affair that has Adam revisiting his childhood home and conjuring up the ‘ghosts’ of his dead parents. And no, that’s not a spoiler, it’s just the opening scenes of a film that examines a love affair between two gay/queer men of disparate ages whose very different life experiences have brought them unexpectedly together. What happens next? Well, that’s for you to discover in a movie theatre near you. Essentially, All of Us Strangers is one of the most enthralling films of the 21st century to explore British gay identity, and Scott delivers quite possibly the performance of his career to date, one that dances between visceral suffering and emotional vulnerability.

Here, Scott talks to Attitude about bringing his character Adam to life on screen, working through shame, and the power of sex as a means of communication.

Cliff Joannou: A good place to start is to say that I really related to the film. I grew up in Croydon not long after director Andrew Haigh did, so the environment and era that it was set in really resonated with me.

Andrew Scott: You’re joking me.

For real. Even that shot with you as your character Adam walking through the Whitgift Shopping Centre, I was like, ‘Oh, that’s a little bit close to home.’ That’s exactly what it looked like when I was a kid. What resonated most with you in the story? For me it was very much the setting and location, being a young child in the UK after the worst of the AIDS crisis.

I suppose it was the dynamics within the relationships, that was what I found most authentic. And there’s two storylines within the movie, and both of them I found to be really, really beautiful and very actable. The scenes between Adam and his parents are genuinely extraordinary. And what’s so lovely is when I was in LA after the film had come out, and audiences had started to see it, and I’m really getting such a strong sense that people really do appreciate the nuance of the film.

I think the chief value of the film, for queer audiences particularly, is that it recognises that the dynamic within families isn’t always necessarily as dramatic, perhaps, as it is portrayed sometimes in stories about coming out, in the sense that it’s not fully embraced acceptance and nor is it outward rejection, but for a lot of queer people it’s somewhere in between, so that brutality and intolerance and doubt can exist alongside real love within families.

Absolutely. I like how frank the conversations are between Adam and his parents. I also like how early the conversation about Adam’s sexuality comes up with his parents.

What I love about that scene is that he doesn’t want to come out to his mum, he doesn’t want to have a coming-out scene. He’s a man in his forties, and he’s lived a life on his own for 30 years, so he wants to tell her about himself, and that includes, of course, him being gay, so he tries to be offhand about it, but also, I think my challenge was to show that he deeply cares what she thinks as well. And when she starts to be loud and wrong and reveals some prejudice in her questions, it enrages him.

But I think that exists alongside a real deep need for her to accept him, too. I think that scene is just so beautiful because it’s something, of course, that he’ll have thought about given the fact that he lost his parents 30 years ago. One of the things that I find really moving is when people talk about having lost their parents and never having come out to them before they died. I’ve talked to 60-year-old men who say, “I never got to do that.” And I think that really takes up a lot of people’s time.

Did you discuss with Andrew [Haigh] any of Adam’s wider backstory or did you create one for yourself? Where had he been in that time in between?

Not with a huge amount of detail because I suppose I thought of what benefit was that going to be. There were certain things I sort of thought about a little bit, but my biggest challenge, and all of our challenges, was to make those scenes as authentic as possible. We shot in Andrew’s childhood home, and that was such a brave thing for him to do. And I felt very much that if I were to think about any backstory, I wanted to think about my own; I wanted to bring my own stuff. To bring not necessarily my own biography, because it differs a huge amount from the character’s, but certainly my own emotional biography, as I call it.

It feels like such an extraordinary privilege to be able to play a character like this. And I wanted to give as much of myself because it was cathartic for me. I never thought that I would be able to watch a film like this, let alone be at the centre of it, so I wanted to be able to take that opportunity to express myself in some way. Why pick an imaginary backstory from somewhere else? I wanted to bring as much of myself as I could, because I feel like that’s what the audience is going to relate to the most.

There’s a bit early in the film when Adam meets his parents’ ‘ghosts’ for the first time, and he says, “Everything’s different now.” It’s such a powerful line as it highlights the character’s inability to let go of the past because doing so means he has to confront his present unhappiness.

Yes, exactly. Well, I suppose one of the best things that you can do as an actor is to say things to feel one thing but to say something else. That’s always what you want as an actor. A lot of the real interesting lines in the film are where people are saying one thing but meaning something else. When Adam says, “Everything’s different now,” I’m not sure that he fully believes that. He believes it in some way. But one of the things that I really love about the story is when Paul’s character of Harry talks about his estrangement from his family and he’s somebody who’s in his twenties.

I’m not sure the generational difference between Adam and Harry is the most interesting thing about the film. I think one of the big changes, of course, is the presence of Aids, when Adam would’ve been growing up. I certainly know that the shadow of Aids was very looming when I was growing up in the nineties. And, of course, that’s going to affect the way we think about sexuality in the sense that we’re going to feel like we’re going to be punished for being physical or for expressing love.

There’s another impactful moment where Adam says, “I thought if I fucked anyone I’d die.” It took me a while to get my head out of that space and allow my sexuality to be something that I enjoyed and recognise that it was not a threat to my life. How was your journey to finding peace with your sexuality?

Oh, it’s one of the wonderful things, the emancipation from that. I feel so incredibly… I suppose I just enjoy being gay so much on so many levels, I think it’s such a wonderful thing to me. It’s an extraordinary gift to my life and just to be able to see the real beauty in being gay is completely wonderful. The older I get, just the more I feel so lucky to have been born gay and that pervades my life in the sense of all my friendships. I have so many amazing queer friends in my life now that I just adore.

What’s very sad for some of us is that we avoid those kinds of people when we are shredded in our own shame. To be around other gay people highlights something that you don’t want to see, but when you do want to see it, it becomes completely wonderful. I feel such a huge sense of camaraderie with other queer people now, and without sounding too hippy about it, I feel like I just want to spread that love and positivity in our community because we’ve come such a long way, and it’s important that we are kind and look out for each other and celebrate how uniquely different and how fucking wonderful that can be.

That’s beautiful. I remember when I was younger and less comfortable in my identity, I avoided going to Pride, I felt it was a little bit too in my face. Now as I get older, I go there with my nieces, and we watch the parade, and there’s a tremendous sense of healing that comes with being around the community. And the broader the community gets, the more all these letters in that ever-expanding acronym stand out, the more beautiful it gets.

When I see two people of the same sex holding hands walking down the street, I’m like a little weirdo. I’m smiling at them. They’re like, ‘What’s that dude smiling at us for?’ Because I just think it’s so wonderful. It’s easy what you say about everything is different now. It’s something that I always feel when people say, “Oh, it’s 2024, you’ve got to get with the times.” I always find that preposterous because, and I mean this so vehemently, that different forms of sexual identity and gender identity have existed since the beginning of humanity. They have existed and will always exist until humanity ends. In 2084, they’re going to look back at us and think, ‘My God, those people were so old-fashioned.’ Sexuality, that’s not a fashion, it’s a natural state of being.

When I watch the relationship between Adam and Harry, there’s no point at which you feel like the sex scenes are being played for the audience’s titillation. It is one of those kind of rare sex scenes that actually drives the narrative forward, that it is important to the story.

Sex is just communication, isn’t it? It’s just physical communication rather than verbal communication. And what needed to be communicated is how I think we see Adam as somebody who hasn’t been touched by anybody or touched anybody in a long time, not just sexually, but he needs affection from his parents, and he needs love and sex and affection from his lover. And I think just seeing that tentativeness and the way Paul plays a character who’s a bit more sex-positive, so to speak… Their communication is really strong in that scene. I’m so proud of it. I really am because I feel like they represent the characters so beautifully.

How did you arrive at that point of playing those scenes in that way?

We didn’t over-rehearse it. We knew that those scenes, particularly the early ones, had to have a sort of frisson. And we had an intimacy coordinator, which can be very helpful for the simple reason that if you’re able to talk to somebody about your fears or what you want to show, what you don’t want to show, or what you think it should be and what the narrative of the storyline is, you have that base of safety. It actually makes you feel like you can do whatever you want. Because frankly, you just know that if there’s something that you don’t like, you’re contractually protected, and it won’t end up in the movie.

Andrew [Haigh] is really good. Sometimes when you do sex scenes, it can be like, ‘Oh my God, D-Day.’ And you are a bit nervous, of course, because you take your clothes off in front of strangers, but he’s like, “It’s just another scene,” so you don’t want to overdo it. But chemistry is a really interesting thing. You’re basically just listening to see what the other person is doing physically in the same way you would in a dialogue scene. And you can talk about that as much as you like, but until you’re actually there, it’s not alive in that way, so it’s just about listening, but just listening with your body, basically.

There’s a line in the film where Adam tells Harry, “Things are better now, but it doesn’t take much to feel the way that you felt.” Is there an instance where you remember, ‘Oh, that’s the first time I was made to feel shame?’

I don’t think that there is one particular point, but I do think if we could erase the assumption in our society that everybody is straight until proven otherwise, it would make an enormous difference to people. And by that, I mean that we don’t say to our six-year-olds, “You’re going to marry a princess, and have you got a girlfriend?” I remember when I was a teenager and people said, “Have you got a girlfriend?” I would say no, and I wasn’t necessarily lying, but you feel like you’re lying by omission.

For me, what happened is that you desexualise yourself slightly. And I think that what happens for a lot of teenagers is that there’s a conspiracy of silence around you, and that is a lonely place to be. And I think that’s where we become very hardworking, that we pour our energies into something completely different in order to correct what we imagine is a flaw in our character.

Some people go the opposite [way], where they become self-destructive; you can be super hardworking and incredibly ambitious, or you can just completely go off the rails. You think, ‘Well, I have been rejected, so I’m just going to go crazy.’ It affects our psychology in so many different ways. It may not necessarily be something that’s actually happened to us; it could be just forecasting what you think might happen, and that forecasting happens when we read about prejudice or other horror stories. The way the media talked about gay people when I was growing up was absolutely disgusting and fearmongering, and I still think we have to be very careful in not just the media, but in the way that we consume media and what we stand for. That we call out that kind of cruelty and intolerance. Language matters.

When we read the opposite, when we read positive things or see representation on screen, when we see ourselves, we think, ‘Oh, well, we can forge a way in the world.’ That’s why I think a movie like this, it is so incredibly important because it’s incredibly compassionate and tender, but it also doesn’t erase the fact that it’s painful and it can be lonely being gay. And there’s a certain thorny path that we all have to go to in order to find love, not just in another person, but in ourselves.

The clip from the Hollywood Reporter where you talk about the use of the term ‘openly gay’ went viral and has likely changed the way we refer to out queer actors in future forever. What went through your mind when you saw the reaction to that?

There’s something about that phrase that makes me uneasy about what it implies. Particularly now. You don’t put ‘openly ’in front of most attributes or characteristics. And I think we should maybe look at retiring it. And I know I’m not alone in that. The response to the clip reflects that. I do understand that historically we need a word to recognise the fact that there are sometimes people that are gay but for whatever reason aren’t able to be open about it. I totally get that. And so, I just feel the word ‘out’ does that. It’s just simpler. It does the job, and with less implications.'

[chasingshadowsblog]

Review: Aisha - A Place of Greater Safety

Title: Aisha Directed by: Frank Berry Written by: Frank Berry Starring: Letitia Wright, Josh O'Connor Year: 2022

To say that Aisha is a quiet film might lead some people to understate its power. It is in silences, supressed anger and self-control that both Aisha the film and Aisha the woman exude the strength and fire of their character.

Aisha is a film about a Nigerian woman living under direct provision in Ireland, a state of living that offers little in the way of personal autonomy or civil rights. Under these conditions Aisha is constantly forced to jump through bureaucratic hoops in order to be recognised as someone who legitimately needs the state's protection and, on one occasion, to simply get her post in the morning. Aisha, along with the other asylum seekers, is treated at times like a prisoner with allotted visiting hours and at other times like a petulant child whose rights around the house are revoked for bad behaviour. Obstacles appear in less blatant ways as well, as Aisha must talk to a reviewer with a translator in the room, perhaps not understanding or being understood as clearly as she needs to be, and is later reluctant to recount her trauma for a board of reviewers, making her seem reticent and unsure of herself and surely affecting the outcome of her application. Through it all, Letitia Wright gives a commanding and intensely restrained performance, always allowing the viewer to see the rage, frustration and sadness simmering underneath her veneer of self-control.

Matching Aisha's silence with his own quiet earnestness is Conor, a new security guard at Aisha's accommodation centre and an unlikely new friend. Talks with Conor on the bus into town or silences kept with him in the canteen at night over dinner offer Aisha some much-needed respite from her reality. Reality, however, is never too far from her mind and stops her fully embracing the relationship they would like with each other. As Aisha is flung from one obstacle to the next, the film is grounded in this relationship, as Conor becomes the only person Aisha can express her exhaustion to, if not her life's story. O'Connor gives a beautifully quiet and tender performance in the role, but, Conor himself is wanting in the depth Aisha has. Outside of some snippets of his past, there is little we know about Conor and while their interest in each other is sweet and understandable, his willingness to be with Aisha at the drop of a hat is almost too good to be true, especially when her living circumstances grow less and less accessible. This is a minor quibble in an all-around powerful film and, at the end of the day, the story is about Aisha and its final scene, short and ambiguous, let's us clearly know that no matter what happens she won't stop moving forwards at a powerful pace.

Other bits:

Letitia Wright and Josh O'Connor are really fantastic in this film, their performances are both so quiet but stick with you days and weeks after the film is over

I don't know if the scene in which Aisha is doing the women's make-up is unscripted but, either way, it was beautiful and brilliantly executed by all of the women

with everything going on in Aisha's life it felt strange to root for her romance with Conor, but then it becomes just one more basic right that is being denied Aisha by her circumstances - the ability to fall in love or even just go out with someone isn't something she can have in her life right now

I love the scene where Aisha teaches Conor some phrases while they're waiting for the bus, it's so charming and lovely

Shout out to director of photography Tom Comerford and costume designer Kathy Strachan, between both the film had a very neat, simple and streamlined look that I found very pleasing to watch

anyway, go watch Aisha it's beautiful

[strideofpride]

what do you think the show would be like if instead of sleeping with nate serena slept with blair and ran away?

Hmm, I think why I've been hung up on this for so long is because I'm not so sure Serena would run away?

Serena's actions after sleeping with Nate, running off to meet Georgina, getting fucked up, being vulnerable enough to be manipulated into the whole Pete Fairman debacle, were all out of guilt towards hurting Blair.

And to be really frank, I'm not sure she'd feel the same level of guilt if she slept with Blair instead of Nate. Like to her, Nate BELONGS to Blair but I don't think she thinks Blair BELONGS to Nate in the same way, you know? And I think she knows deep down that it wouldn't be the same level of betrayal to Nate that it was to Blair. Serena and Nate don't have the jealousy issues that Blair and Serena have, it's more than implied that Nate had a crush on Serena long before they slept together. I just don't think it would be the same to Serena.

That being said, I think both Blair and Serena would've been in a bit of denial over what this would mean for both their dynamic and their individual sexualities. Blair, god bless her, is gonna be locked in that closet for a long long time, she would probably pretend it never even happened the next day and stay with Nate. Serena I think would be the piner and fall into more of Nate's role.

And that I think would cause a similar change that leads to the more thoughtful, world-weary Serena we meet in the pilot. Does Serena fully stop being Queen Bee and allow Blair to take her place, I'm not so sure, but I do think a change in her partying behavior would slowly start to occur.

(Also, I know I always joke about Dan and Blair being girlfriend twins but like...imagine Serena dating Dan because he's sort of a male version of Blair. I love that mess.)

So I think the show would still be similar, just...gayer lol. And less Chuck, because the love triangle for Blair is now her, Nate, and Serena. Serena is the one who represents freedom from the strict puritanical ideals she was brought up on, not Chuck. Which just...ugh, can you imagine? Blair's central conflict being about whether or not to embrace her queerness instead of whatever the fuck the Chair arc was. Better timeline.

[kermtalkscomics]

Just read: Superman Secret Origin

Hi! First time doing this, sort of just my review and thoughts on a piece of media I just consumed. Disclaimer: I'm no expert, just a guy who likes comics.

So, last night I ticked Superman: Secret Origin by Geoff Johns and Gary Frank off my 2023 reading list. For years it's been a book that I've wanted to read, I just never had a large enough desire to buy it outright or ask for it for Christmas. After seeing a few panels shared on Twitter I decided since it's so short I might as well finally get through it via DC Universe Infinite and here I am!

Wanted to immediately share that I absolutely ADORED the first three issues. Clark's relationship with his family and his introduction to Metropolis are such great moments that had me grinning the entire time. The book takes a more simplistic approach to Clark's early life drama with his parents by sort of just... not doing it. Aside from learning he's from Krypton, Clark fully embraces the Kents, and the Kents do the very same and it's all so wonderfully written.

I particularly LOVED Clark's relationship with his Father, having grown up in a rural part of the United States myself it's really heartwarming to see how they interact and how much Pa Kent reminds me of people in my family.

Another great element of the book is the art. Since reading Doomsday Clock back in high school, I've felt that Gary Frank illustrates my ideal version of Clark Kent and he absolutely delivers here. The timid and shy-farmboy-turned-confident-protector is evolved so smoothly through Frank's art and I'd argue that the book is worth checking out for the art alone.

Clark's relationships with the people around him are really great too. This book perfectly, albeit simplistically, introduces us to all of the important players in Clark's life along with his role in theirs. The staff of the Daily Planet makes up such a fun and close-knit cast of workers that perfectly bounces off of Clark.

So yes, as far as the good of the book goes there's a lot to love! The art is incredible and Clark's relationship with the cast around him comes naturally and is written with care the entire way through. For me, this book feels like the perfect modernization of the Christopher Reeve Superman origin. Also, for somebody like me who struggles to stay optimistic, I really appreciate the optimism and hope that a good Superman book can bring to me and this book adequately meets that bar too.

Now, onto the not-so-great stuff. I wouldn't say there are necessarily bad qualities in this book, but there are parts that seem underbaked or lackluster compared to other modern Superman origin stories. I feel like it's important to view a piece of media through the lens of what we received rather than what wasn't there, but with Superman's 80-year-history and the role he plays in the world that he's a part of, there are some missing elements that I really wish were explored here.

For the record, many of these comparisons I'm making come from my appreciation for Superman: Birthright, which is another book that I really enjoy.

An element of the story that I don't necessarily love is Lex Luthor. In this story Lex is absolutely rotten from day 1 with no humanity or real redeeming qualities, he's sort of a jerk the entire way through. That's fine of course if we're referring to adult Lex, but since a decent amount of the early chapters covered Lex's origin I really wish we got some more humanity like we did in Birthright.

Is Lex Luthor being a tragic villain necessary to Clark Kent's development? Not really, but that layer adds so much to their relationship.

Another issue is an apparent lack of Clark interacting with the world outside of the United States. What I feel is a great part of Superman is the fact that he's committed to the protection of the world entirely, not just the United States. Birthright and even Man of Steel extensively showed us Clark traveling the world and learning more about life in general. Superman should be just as capable of saving somebody in the middle east as he is of saving somebody in Metropolis. This isn't to say that Clark's good morals can't be founded exclusively in his upbringing in Smallville, but there's a great deal of appreciation when you think about how Superman actively learned about everybody in the entire world and how he could best suit their needs.

Along with that, I honestly sort of missed Clark's relationship with Krypton in this book. This is a weird sentiment coming from me, in Birthright, Man of Steel, and All-Star I honestly lose a little bit of interest when there is a lot of time committed to Krypton, I personally have just never been super in tune with that part of his lore. All this to say that the bare minimum that this book does to establish that Clark is Kryptonian honestly left me wishing for more. And though the idea of Superman being an alien is explored in this story, I would have liked to have seen him be more in touch with his heritage.

To conclude, this is a book that I absolutely enjoyed, I especially loved the earlier chapters. That said, I believe it has shortcomings in the way that it doesn't give other elements of Clark's life proper depth and attention. If I were to teach a non-comic reader Superman's origin story I'd probably refer them to this, it's a simplistic but heartfelt take on the Man of Steel's origin story. Though, I feel like if somebody was interested in the more nuanced ideas that Superman represents I'd definitely suggest Birthright or even All-Star as a starting read for the character.

Arbitrary grading scale: 7/10

[inbarfink]

The thing about Brad and Janet’s very contrasting reactions to Frank and to their transformation, is that it’s kind of a subversion of their original ‘Horror\Sci-Fi Movie Lead Couple’ Gender Roles. Cause, like, it probably doesn’t apply to all of the 50′s-60′s era sci-fi B-Movies out there - but Brad and Janet are referencing the popular image of how the leads in these kinda movies were potrayed gender-wise: the ‘Hero’ is balancing a vibe of brave-but-not-brutish and scholarly-but-not-wimpy which is a very 50′s type of ideal masculinity. The ‘Heroine’ is pretty-but-chaste, easily-frightened and quick-to-scream.

And Brad and Janet play these roles fairly straight in the start of the movie. Janet is the one who hesitates and gets creepy vibes and always asks to leave and screams and faints. Brad is the one who acts confident and tries to calm her down and reassures and insist everything is fine and that they should venture forth. Even in the early parts of the movie you can get the Vibe that they are a parody. Like, it is Brad’s ‘confident’ dismissal of Janet’s concerns that netted him the moniker ‘Asshole’. (And outside of wearing nerdy-looking glasses, he’s really not that smart).

But the dynamic only starts to shift once Frank shows up.

Even if the Time Warp has some Horny Vibes, it is Frank that makes it clear to Brad and Janet that they are not in a regular horror story about spooky castles - but in a story about queerness and sexuality. And Brad can pretend he’s the big brave hero man if all they’re facing against is a mad scientist or a vampire or something, but not if what he’s facing against is understanding his own sexuality.

So after Frank’s introduction and espacially once they get to the lab, there’s this shift. It’s not immediate, but it is noticable. Now, Janet tends to be the one that goes with the flow of the Frankenstein’s Place, join in on songs, laughs along with Frank’s flirtations - and Brad gets more insecure and befuddled and defensive. I think it’s obvious both of them were pretty immediately attracted to Frank, and like... neither of them were fully comfortable with it at first - But Janet was slightly more open to the idea than Brad was. 

(Of course, it’s a little more complicated than just a matter of ‘bravery’. I mean, I don’t want to downplay the amount of slut-shaming and misogyny Janet might struggle with considering her background. But also I think it’s safe to say that out of the two, it is more dangerous for Brad to admit that he enjoys wearing fishnets and sucking dick) 

But yeah, that little bit of extra confidence when facing the mysteries of her own sexuality (rather than the mysteries of the Big Spooky Horror Movie Castle) is what led her to embrace her own ‘sluttiness’ and sleep with Rocky - and become, like, the only Non-Frank-Person to have nothing but good thing to sing about in the Floor Show. In a total contrast to Brad, who at that same time became the most confused and frightened he’s ever been. 

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

How would describe shameless to someone who never heard of it? How would you describe the specific characters?

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve these super fun asks, but thank you so much! :D It’s funny that you sent this because I did actually describe the show to someone not too long ago, and I didn’t like how I did it in hindsight. I felt like I didn’t do it enough justice. So, I get a second chance to try again!

“How would you describe Shameless to someone who never heard of it?”

Shameless is a show about how life doesn’t always go our way, we don’t always do the right thing, and we’re all imperfect beings—but we still deserve a chance regardless. The Gallaghers begin the series nearly at rock bottom, doing anything they have to for their literal survival, but also to keep their family together. Sometimes that means supporting each other when they’re in a difficult spot, banding together to help their neglectful father even though he doesn’t deserve it, or even committing petty crimes to sustain their meager way of life. As they get older and have more agency in and control over their lives, the nature of their problems shifts, and they learn from their own mistakes rather than reacting to their parents’. The same trends unfold for the people and families in their orbit, showing that various trials and tribulations can impact anyone of any social standing. Not everyone gets a happy ending; not everyone gets what they want. However, they grow and learn how to manage both the hand that they’ve been dealt as well as the bed they’ve made for themselves. That, after all, is life.

Shameless is a “dramedy” where the comedy elements utilize primarily satire, which sets it apart from the popularity of slapstick and dry comedies over the last decade. By nature, the show therefore addresses difficult, uncomfortable, and controversial topics in manners and utilizing methods that are designed to make us laugh at the absurdity while forcing us to think about these topics in ways that we may have avoided otherwise. This format has been established since the pilot episode and certainly is not to everyone’s taste. I wouldn’t recommend this show to anyone who prefers that such issues be addressed with a deeper analysis on the part of the characters rather than the audience, which is the general tendency in drama pieces rather than shows of this genre.

“How would you describe the specific characters?”

For this, I’ll focus on the main Gallagher family, Kev, V, and Mickey, as they’ve been the constant presences on the show since the start. I’ll also keep it relatively short since I could write essays on each one, and that would bore anyone who hasn’t heard of Shameless (and 95% of those who have) to tears.

1.      Frank Gallagher is the stereotypical “deadbeat” who plays the system for every penny so that he doesn’t have to work, choosing to fund his addictions rather than support his family. He will go to any lengths if it means preserving this lifestyle—mild, absurd, and even heinous. He functions as something of an anti-hero, being more a threat to the family’s stability in early seasons than a boon and gradually sinking into obscurity because of his children’s growing indifference as he burns one bridge after another with them. Frank prides himself on espousing only the values that will get him what he wants in a given circumstance. In specific instances, that has meant showing a measure of love and affection for his children that evidence has proven exists deep, deep below the surface. In others, he’s a wild card. Frank’s various fatal flaws have included arrogance, addiction, selfishness, and an avoidance of any and all responsibility.

2.      Fiona Gallagher is the eldest and began the series as the rock of the family because, to put it simply, she was the only person able to do it. She selflessly cared for her younger siblings so that they wouldn’t be scattered into foster homes or adoption thanks to her parents’ neglect, even to the point where she gave up portions of her life and blurred the lines between her roles as sister versus caregiver, which became a sticking point in later seasons when her siblings didn’t need or want a mother-figure anymore. While Fiona was initially very responsible with regards to raising her siblings, she therefore sacrificed a lot of opportunities that were important for her development as a young adult and exhibited an immaturity typical of people her age that impacted other arenas of her life, especially relationships. As her role as caregiver dwindled, that immaturity and the norms prevalent in her environment became more pronounced with her newfound freedom, and she struggled greatly in the face of what she viewed as making up for lost time. Fiona’s various fatal flaws have included ambition, a “martyr complex,” and viewing her family as an impediment to her ambitions later in life instead of a support system.

3.      Lip Gallagher is the oldest son. He began the series with a hefty chip on his shoulder. Intelligent, quick-witted, and calculating, Lip was constantly referred to as a sort of diamond in the rough and clearly came to believe it. This led to a very fascinating dynamic within the family and his other interpersonal relationships as his love for and desire to protect his family was balanced by a sense that his way was the best way—the only way, really. A combination of poor choices and unfortunate circumstances beyond his control resulted in a very real “fall from grace,” by South Side standards, and Lip has worked hard to claw his way back from where he was in the middle of the series. Where Fiona spiraled further as she withdrew from her family, Lip leaned on them and others in his support system—and it saved him. Lip’s various fatal flaws have included arrogance, contempt for power structures in which he is not at the top, and trying to solve other people’s problems at the expense of dealing with his own.

4.      Ian Gallagher is the middle child and something of an outlier in his own right where his family is concerned. He began the series seeming to have his shit together: he balanced school, ROTC, and work, excelling in all three at just fifteen years old. He was plagued by his status in the family at times, not old enough to have more control over his situation while not young enough to shrug off a lot of it on Fiona and Lip, and wanted something for himself more than anything. It’s that combination that put him in an extremely vulnerable position, because while he was the picture of responsibility and didn’t orchestrate as many scams as his siblings (though he was involved in plenty—he is South Side and a Gallagher, after all), it gave him—and his family—the false impression that he was more mature and in control than he was. Multiple older men preyed on him because of that, and in his thirst to find something that was solely his and someone he could care for outside his household, he viewed them as relationships rather than abuse. Like Lip, Ian truly hit rock bottom in a different manner, although the causes of his descent were more heavily skewed beyond his control. In true Ian form, however, he remains driven to find the straight and narrow—and stick to it as much as he can. Ian’s various fatal flaws have included ambition, a “hero complex,” compartmentalizing to the point of narrowmindedness or naïveté, and ignoring his own needs in pursuit of fulfilling others’.

5.      Debbie Gallagher is similar to Lip in that she has always been clever, cunning, and driven to get what she wants. Debbie began the series in a difficult position, going to school and contributing to the household while ultimately not in control of anything that was going on. From the start, all she wanted was a functional family, and it colored her behavior throughout the first six seasons of the show. In many cases, that meant doing whatever she could to hold everyone together: investigating Fiona’s lying boyfriend, running a daycare so that Fiona could work all night and still find time to sleep, prompting Fiona to more actively worry when Ian ran away and helping Lip locate him, and caring for Liam a lot of the time while he was a baby. Over the years, as the dysfunctions racked up, she sought an escape through boyfriends and a baby of her own. The means by which she attempted and ultimately failed to achieve these goals were at times reprehensible and spurred on by both her immature ignorance and the culture in which she was raised. Debbie’s various fatal flaws have included self-centeredness, envy, manipulative tendencies, and not thinking or caring about the implications and consequences of her actions for herself or the people involved.

6.      Carl Gallagher began the series as a real mess. The word “sociopath” comes to mind. He was the stereotypical “wild child” whose behavior embodied the dysfunctional nature of the family and their environment. He destroyed toys for fun, tortured animals, physically bullied children at school, and was held back multiple times for poor academic performance. Carl was never as academically bright as the other Gallagher siblings, but his street smarts were nigh unparalleled and, like Lip, he could probably survive anywhere. Over time, Carl underwent a remarkable transformation: embracing the negative stereotypes of his environment, he dove towards rock bottom with gusto only to realize that the thug life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Once again, he paralleled Lip and Ian’s trajectory in leaning on his family when it became too much, and he’s turned his entire life in the opposite direction to pursue a path that he hopes will lead to helping people rather than hurting them for his own gain or reputation. Carl’s various fatal flaws have included lack of foresight, a penchant for violence, and ignorance.

7.      Liam Gallagher is still very young and therefore tougher to fully characterize as his development isn’t as extensive. Right now, he’s the same age Debbie was when the show began, and we’ve seen just how far she’s come. So, for the time being, Liam is extremely bright and has grown up with a great deal more privilege than his siblings. He doesn’t remember saving for the squirrel fund with fears of not being able to eat all winter in mind. He doesn’t remember what it’s like to worry about Frank or Monica’s actions having an enormous and lasting impact on them. He doesn’t remember Lip dropping out of school and moving out of the house, Monica’s actions at Thanksgiving, Fiona crying over crumpled bills from working at the sport bar, Ian going missing for four months and coming home a different person, or Debbie lying about Patrick just so they could keep a roof over their heads. Liam didn’t grow up with those things, and so he has the luxury of being a kid a bit more of the time. However, because his parents aren’t around and Fiona left the house a long time ago despite being his guardian, he has matured quickly in lieu of any real supervision.

8.      Kevin Ball and Veronica Fisher have been the Gallaghers’ closest allies in the neighborhood all this time. Kevin isn’t the brightest academically or in terms of common sense, but he has a good heart and makes the best decisions when he uses it. He has been through a lot, between foster care as a kid, a crazy ex-wife, trying to keep the Alibi afloat, and raising twin daughters that they definitely didn’t have the means for when they discovered that they were expecting two kids. And Veronica… Well, she’s quite literally his other half. She’s savvy and smart, intelligent and assertive—they complete each other. They began the series as an established couple experiencing some growing pains, especially when Veronica was giving the Gallaghers everything from use of their shower to their toaster while Kevin insisted that they needed to focus on themselves before they could help Frank’s kids. (He talked a good game, but when the chips are down, Kevin has always been there for them too.) They’re good people who’ve been given a few bad shakes and taken a few wrong turns, but their love for each other, their kids, and the Gallaghers has made them a surprisingly strong heart of the show. Kevin’s various fatal flaws have included lack of foresight, ignorance, and not standing up for himself. Veronica’s various fatal flaws have included avoiding communication about her feelings and indecisiveness.

9.      Mickey Milkovich is the stereotypical personification of their environment. He began the series as a poor thug—and a dirty one, at that—who exuded such a presence in the neighborhood that he instilled fear at a mere glance. His family functioned as a foil to the Gallaghers, perhaps what they would have been if Frank had been a different person or they’d fallen even further. Mickey didn’t benefit from an emotionally supportive family that banded together to provide for more than merely monetary concerns, not to mention that his father was openly and violently homophobic, so it took a great deal of time and overcoming numerous internal and external hardships for him to come to terms with who he is on many levels. Over the years, Mickey was self-employed or acted with his family as a drug dealer, a pimp, and a prison hitman; worked for a drug cartel; and has engaged in any number of other scams and illegal activities in order to make ends meet—and he has been quite happy to keep doing so as it plays to his strengths. Mickey is remarkable, however, because he has always been a multifaceted character whose problematic decisions, abrasive mannerisms, and questionable lifestyle didn’t and don’t negate that he cares very deeply and will do literally anything for the few people he allows to get close to him, specifically Ian. Mickey’s various fatal flaws have included lack of foresight, avoiding communication about his feelings, and not reaching out for help when he needs it.

~*~

That was quite a bit longer than I initially intended, but I had a great time putting this together. Thank you again for the ask! 

[nosferatvpussy]

distorted lullabies [chapter XI]

Word count: 5,131 

Warnings: vulgar language

Pairing: Dracula x female reader

AO3 link

Author’s note: My beta reader gave me a few suggestions and it's truly something that's been bugging me, so I decided it would be better to check with you guys, my readers. I'm writing this story purely for fun so I don't mind changing things. I'm not well versed in writing Character x reader stories and I'll admit the whole concept sometimes escapes me (ahem, fully does) and my beta pointed out that it's become an OC x Dracula fic. This chapter in particular touches into something that may upset some people if they're really invested into the reader POV, which is religion. You may not agree with the reader's thoughts regarding christianity, and I don't want to needle anyone's beliefs because this is a reader insert. My question is: would you guys prefer if I gave the reader a name, in which case she becomes a fully realised character? I'll still avoid describing her because then you can picture her however you like. Longwinded question, I know, but I thought it deserved some explanation. On a more positive note, I made two spotify playlists; one is oriented towards alternative songs (mostly) and the other one is purely made up of classical pieces.

Regardless, ENJOYYY

________________________________________________________

The rest of the trip would have been completely silent if it wasn’t for Portishead’s music. 

I barely looked at Dracula as he dropped me off at the Airbnb I had rented. He parted with a promise to meet me at the wedding tomorrow and an indifferent goodbye, although when I made it all the way to the flat’s second floor, his car was still parked at the front door. When I turned around to throw my backpack on the bed and looked out the window again, the black BMW was gone.

Not even the wide array of DVD stacks inside the Airbnb managed to keep my mind off of Dracula.

After settling in and having a shower, I occupied myself with sitting in front of the TV in the living room and analysing the owner’s collection – an impressive one at that – however, when I picked up a copy of The Rocky Horror Picture Show I could almost hear Count Dracula laughing as I sang along to Frank N Furter and immediately put the disc back to where it belonged. So I chose something harmless to watch.

As Mulder and Scully bickered about aliens on the television in another episode of The X-Files – really, props to the Airbnb owner for supplying his entire collection to guests – I glanced at my phone for the hundredth time. 

Would Count Dracula be a Scully or a Mulder? Such a silly thing to wonder about, nevertheless I was curious about it. Perhaps if he was here with me, watching TV and making his remarks about what was going on, I would manage to concentrate on the episode playing. 

It had worked out fine last time. Well, for the most part. As long as we didn’t watch anything with sexual undertones such as Interview with the Vampire, I would be fine. For how long, was the question.

I frowned as I rewinded the last 10 minutes on the DVD player. Scully was lying in a hospital bed while Mulder screamed at a doctor when just two minutes ago Mulder had been talking to their boss. Obviously, I had missed more than two minutes, too stuck in my thoughts about the Count.

I glanced at my phone again. 

He’d be gone tomorrow. And I needed to know if he would like Scully or Mulder better.

I took my phone between shaky fingers.

A small part of me, one that was still thinking straight, suggested that maybe I shouldn’t do this on account of that kiss earlier. But nothing of what had happened during that trip mattered anymore, not when I would never see him again. Whatever I did today would have no consequences.

 Are you there?

Count Dracula replied just as Mulder screamed at the doctor, and I still had no idea why.

 Yes.

I typed a message as quickly as I could before I regretted this.

 I can’t sleep. 

I chewed on my lip as I waited for a response but when none came, I started typing another text and then erased it. Inviting him over might develop into less innocent things than simply watching TV. 

I curled my toes. I came this far. I resisted him this long. There was no reason to jump ship at the last second. 

Tomorrow he’d be carted away by the Foundation and while I would very much like to do more than kiss Count Dracula, the idea of giving myself to him and then never feeling his touch again seemed unbearable. 

 Do you want to take a stroll through Gloucester?

I’ll be there in a few minutes.

His reply came so quick that he must have been staring at his phone, waiting for me to send another text.

I rushed to change from pyjamas into jeans, jacket and boots. I had just finished fixing up how I looked when my phone buzzed. Without bothering to read the text, I left the flat, heart beating like a hummingbird’s as I went down the stairs to the building’s front door. 

Count Dracula wore the same leather jacket as earlier, waiting for me just as he had waited hours ago in London.

“Did you walk all the way here?” I asked as soon as I noticed the BMW’s absence.

“I was in the neighbourhood.” He smiled.

“Exploring?”

He smirked but said nothing.

“Eating, then,” I concluded. “Drinking, sorry. I forgot you get stuck in the technicalities.”

“You get used to it,” he said, extending a hand for me. 

I gasped when I placed my hand on his. Someone else’s blood had made his temperature rise from cadaveric cold to match my own but I was too fascinated by how plump his flesh felt to care about an unknown person’s death. 

“You don’t feel like a statue,” I said, squeezing his hand to make sure I wasn’t imagining things.

“You get used to it,” he repeated. “Come. I found a lovely place to break into.”

He pulled me to him so fast that my stomach lurched. I almost lost balance but he wrapped an arm around my shoulders to steady me. 

“May I remind you that I’m human and next time you do this I might throw up in your shoes?” 

My vision was still swimming and I had to lean my body on his until I could see properly. 

“I’ll warn you next time.”

I craned my neck to look up at him, noticing absently that I had my arms around him in a hug. Light coming from a neighbouring house glowed behind his head likening a saint’s halo. Horns would be more suitable, and more alluring. 

“Will I like this place you intend to take me?” 

“More than I will,” he said, securing me in an inescapable hold, one I had no desire to fight. “It’s a cathedral.”

“Gloucester Cathedral?” I loosened my arms around him. “It’s a holy place,” I said and he cocked an eyebrow. “Can you even set foot in there?”

He snorted.

“I can waltz with you in there while reciting biblical verses as long as I don’t look upon the cross.” 

“I’d like to see that. A healthy dose of blasphemy is always fun.”

A slow smile spread on his lips.

“Then you’ll love it.”

To my dismay, he untangled himself from me but still kept an arm around my shoulders in a half embrace. Instead of avoiding him, I circled his waist with my arm, basking on how uncharacteristically warm he felt in comparison to the chilly night. 

Dracula looked at me with furrowed eyebrows, though a grin creeped on his mouth. For the first time, we had exchanged roles – he, doubtful that I was so willing to touch him, and I, sure of what I was doing ever since I struck that deal. 

Pity it wouldn’t last long.

“Lead the way,” I told him. 

  _______________________________________________________

Except for a couple of stray cats and a dog, Count Dracula and I were the only ones wandering through Gloucester’s narrow streets and quaint façades. The moon was hidden but with how bright it glowed, even beneath a swath of cotton clouds, I would guess it was full. 

I relied more on Count Dracula’s eyes than on the unsteady old street lights that seemed to hail from the 18th century, but I didn’t need his vampire eyes to catch a glimpse of a towering Gothic building, concealed behind a row of modern restaurants and stores, all closed now that it was closer to dawn than to dusk, wedged inside small houses stylised in Tudor architecture. 

“Here we are,” said Dracula just as we rounded the corner and faced Gloucester Cathedral.

It was an enormous and monstrous thing yet beautiful all the same in all its complicated detail of spiking roofs and pointed narrow glass that composed huge windows amongst blocks of stone. Sculptures of saints and kings stood watch at the front, arching above the intricately woven entrance. 

“Is there an alarm this time?” I asked as we approached the door. 

“What for? Christians trust their god to keep it safe. There is someone sleeping inside, though. A priest if I had to guess, so we’ll have to be very quiet.”

“There goes my plan,” I said, although I had none. No space for calculated words and carefully measured tone there. All I had left was impulsivity, and saying things without really meaning them provided me with a rush unlike any other. 

“What plan is that?” Dracula questioned, side-eyeing me.

I shrugged.

“What does it matter if I can’t be noisy now?” I snickered. I would have tried being reckless more often if I’d known I would earn so many bewildered looks from Count Dracula. “Open the door.” I bidded, staring at him. “Please?”

Something crossed his gaze, something that made me wish that he would press me against a wall and demand that I tell him about my sordid plan. But he did no such thing.

“Since you asked nicely,” he said, just as he had done earlier during our trip.

Dracula forced the door open with the same ease I would have opened an unlocked door.

My mouth was a little dry but the thrill of doing something forbidden still made my heart thud, despite the fear of being caught. Perhaps I’d been developing a new habit of doing dangerous things such as making deals with vampires, and getting excited at the prospect of desecrating a church with one. I would have to find a substitute to that after he was gone but I couldn’t think of anything that could compare. 

I followed Count Dracula into the cathedral’s nave. 

The massive round pillars surrounding the aisle took away some of the simplicity of the ribbed vaulting, which derived from early Gothic architecture if I remembered my art classes correctly. There weren’t any pews positioned in usual rows as most churches did, and from where I stood I couldn’t spot an altar. The place seemed bare without them but it was still imposing, as most religious things were, I supposed.

The ground's yellowed stone, that one day may have been white, was dappled with a luminescence of blue, red and purple. I whirled around, looking up to find out where that variety of colours came from, and grinned upon finding a stained glass window that extended all the way up to the ceiling. 

“I never liked churches as a child,” I whispered to Dracula, ignoring that he probably knew it. “They creeped me out. I couldn’t understand how some people felt love inside them, when all I felt was judgement. And like I was being watched by saints, angels and Jesus.” I grimaced as I admired the pictures on the glass. Saints looked back at me with their saintly stare. Jesus Christ was pictured at the centre pane. “My parents weren’t very religious but my grandmother was one of those fervent catholics, full of guilt and fear. She used to take me to mass every other Sunday at Westminster Abbey until one time when I started arguing with the priest during his sermon about how illogical the bible is at some points.” I glanced at Dracula and saw him chuckling soundlessly. “I was 13. My grandmother was so humiliated and angry at me that she never took me to mass again.”

“And you were relieved to never have to go back again,” Dracula supplied. “How do you like churches now?”

“I like them as long as I’m just visiting. And I’m not scared of them anymore, not since I won that argument with the priest.” I looked at him. He was making a point of observing the rest of the church instead of gazing at the stained glass as I was. “You were raised christian, too. And if Wikipedia is right, you fought in the name of God.”

“In another life.” He bobbed his head, lacing his hands behind his back as he wandered down the aisle. “Not the foolish, gullible and fearful catholic as Justina was.” Dracula cast a brief glance at me. “My late wife.” He explained but I had already surmised as much. 

Since he had mentioned her without my needing to ask, I felt the urge to goad him with more questions. The urge to see that odd semblance of grief in his face as I had seen weeks ago. The reminder that he was capable of emotion, still. But I left it alone. It was possible he would shut down and assume that distant and impenetrable façade, and then our last date would be over much faster than I was ready for it to be.

“No, you were more the type to rip people to shreds when they didn’t condone your faith.” I lowered my voice mid sentence when my words echoed. 

Following him down the aisle, I noticed that a big apparatus was raised up in a wooden structure ahead of us and it looked like an organ. Had we been alone at the church, I would have climbed up the stairs to knead a few keys just to hear the resounding, spine-chilling noise it would make. 

“Precisely.” Dracula laughed.

“Did you ever do it for fun?”

“What do you think?”

“I think you did.”

He turned around, stopping at the centre of the aisle a few metres away from me. 

“For fun, for boredom, but most of all to instill fear into my enemies’ hearts. Does it still bother you?”

I stopped.

It had when I first found out about it. And although he had just admitted torturing people simply for the fun of it, it didn’t bother me nearly as much as before. I ought to have been disgusted or disapproving, at the very least. It was a little worrying that I didn’t feel any of those things, like I had just discovered a part of me that was capable of terrible cruelty.

“No,” I said. “Not anymore.”

Dracula’s grin was all teeth as if that answer was everything he had been longing to hear. 

“You’re not nervous tonight.” He was still grinning. “You’re usually nervous around me.”

“Usually,” I agreed, smirking. 

Was this how it felt? Not having to worry, not caring about what could happen, not being cautious about every little thing, not minding that he had done horrible deeds and I still wanted his lips on mine?

This foreign feeling swelled inside my chest and my smirk became a grin. 

“Let’s see the rest of the place,” I said, beckoning him with my hand. “There is a door back there and I think I saw something interesting.”

I didn’t wait to see if he would follow and simply turned around, heading to my right where I had seen a long corridor dappled with more colourful light from stained glass. Through an arched portal, I could see the extent of the corridor but it still didn’t prepare me when I crossed the threshold. 

What I thought was only one corridor, was actually two positioned in an L-shape and I stood at the cusp of both. Elaborate lines composed patterns on the vaulted ceiling and walls, fanning into long and curved designs etched in stone and ending in what resembled flowers. Light poured from a collection of stained glass windows and with the way each corridor bent at their ends, I supposed the structure continued until it formed a rectangular. I squinted past a clear glass on a windowpane, and smiled. I could make out shapes of trees and what looked to be a fountain outside. These weren’t corridors but covered walks surrounding a square. Westminster Abbey had something similar.

“Gorgeous,” whispered Dracula.

I turned around to see what he was admiring. His stare was fixed on me, and I had a feeling it had been the same way when he spoke. He moved towards me and the stained glass bathed his face in red. Dracula placed one of my hands on his shoulder and took the other one into his own, extending our joined hands up in a dancing stance.

“I’ll step on your feet,” I warned as he splayed a hand on my back. “I’m not a good dancer.”

“I’ll teach you. Waltzing is easy, and I told you we would waltz.”

In a hushed voice as to not wake whoever slept inside the cathedral, Count Dracula instructed me how, his knees touching mine ever so slightly to point me in the correct direction as I stared down at our feet rasping on the floor, his hands pushing and tugging gently as we swayed to silence. 

After a little while, I felt confident enough not to step on his feet, although I had done it a few times during his lesson, and looked up at his face. We were both a mess of colours and blurry features clouded in darkness as we danced out and into the stained glass light. The air was so chilly that my lungs burned with the effort of dancing, his hand so unrealistically warm on mine as we danced pointlessly – it was surreal, and filled me with an unusual melancholy that I wouldn’t experience something like that again and happiness because I had let myself experience it.

“I dare not ask for love–” Dracula’s words cut through the silence and I drew a sharp intake of breath for what he was about to say. His next words were accompanied by the cadence people used to recite something, which removed some of the impact of what he had first said and I relaxed. 

“ I dare not ask for love – with all

My many sins, both great and small,

I am perhaps of love unworthy!

But if feigned love, if you would

Pretend, you’d easily deceive me,

For happily would I, believe me,

Deceive myself if but I could. ”

I held my breath halfway throughout but continued to dance. The mention of love completely escaped me when he spoke of deceit and I could not help but wonder if he suspected me of it. Did he know I was leading him on and did not care? Or did he know about me and Zoe and this was just a fancy way of telling me so? My heart raced. I hoped he took it not as panic but exhilaration instead.

“Is that in the bible?” I asked in a shaky voice.

“It’s Pushkin. I’ve been reading Russian literature again, old and new and it’s stuck in my head. Pushkin remains a favourite of mine and Anna Akhmatova is a close second from the new generation. Well, old generation, for you.” He chuckled. “The Pushkin stanza sounds better in Russian. Most things sound better in Russian,” he said in an even voice. I raised my eyebrows at him, and he recited the verses in Russian, and although I understood none of it, it did sound better. “This, however, is from the bible. I don’t remember from which book but I remember that I liked it when I was human. I’m translating directly from Latin, though, because that’s how I studied the bible, so I’m taking a few liberties here to make it sound better, and less ridiculously holy. It goes like this:  Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.”

“It could very well be Pushkin,” I offered. 

“It could. Ironically, I prefer these verses more than Pushkin’s.” He laughed lightly and I fully relaxed. He sounded like himself, not at all as if he knew something he wasn’t supposed to. 

I did wonder, though, why he chose those verses out of anything else to declaim. Pushkin was a hopeless romantic through and through from what I had read of him. Of Anna I knew little but what I did know spoke of bitterness, death and failed, tragic love. Why suddenly speak of love? He could’ve quoted something else from the bible. Perhaps something to do with Samson and Delilah, since we had joked about it in the past. Anything else would have made more sense, even the parts that made no sense at all and had driven me to argue with a priest years ago.

Was Count Dracula attempting to tell me something? No. Couldn’t be. He was as forward as one could be. And the idea of him feeling anything remotely close to love seemed a little silly. 

He had loved Justina; more than he thought he was capable of, he’d said. But that had been centuries ago in another life. 

For a moment my determination in being reckless faltered and I felt at loss for what to say. 

Dracula let go of me briefly to spin me around in a move I wasn’t as deftly trained in as he was, causing me to squeal at the velocity and trip over my feet. I thought I would fall but he caught me and started moving again in the waltz pattern he had taught me. Laughter bubbled up to my throat in my hurry to catch up with him and the sound of it was amplified by the long walls. Dracula’s laughter joined mine until it became a song for which we danced.

It doesn’t matter, nothing matters.  I thought as I gazed up at him.  He’ll be gone and whatever I say doesn’t matter anymore. I can entertain even the wildest of things because they’ll never happen. Nothing will happen, for the rest of time.

“I’ve got one for you,” I breathed as we spun in a dizzying pace. “The Devil’s hands directs our every move; the things we loathed become the things we love.” It didn’t come out nearly as expertly as his declamation but I was out of breath, spinning and spinning as he commanded. Like a ballerina in a music box. Dracula simply stared at me, the corners of his lips in their own fight of tugging upwards or downwards. “It’s Baudelaire. Have you read it?” I wasn’t sure if I saw him shake his head. Suddenly, we were dancing so fast that I could barely see my surroundings, much less his face. “I know Baudelaire as you know the bible, only the parts that matter, but I know them from heart. There’s one phrase that I particularly relate to, especially now.” I gulped as if I was looking down a cliff. “What can an eternity –”

Dracula stopped abruptly and I gasped, strands of my hair landing on my face as my head reeled at suddenly being motionless. The world still whirled around and I swayed on my feet as if I had forgotten how to keep myself standing up still, but the Count’s grasp kept me in place. 

Interrupting our dance, I realised not a second later, was for the best. I’d been about to quote something very dangerous, something that could land me with both feet on a grave for all eternity with Count Dracula. And I would’ve said it out of sheer wickedness, just because I was tempted about what could happen if I broke a few rules. 

I looked up at his face, heart teetering on the verge of stopping in fear of what I would find in his expression. But Dracula wasn’t paying attention to me. His eyes were focusing past my head. And then I heard it. Footsteps.

Our laughter must have woken up whoever had been sleeping inside the cathedral.

“What -?” A male voice drifted from behind me, sounding panicked and angry. “You can’t be here at this hour!”

“Shit,” I whispered to Dracula. “What now?”

He gave me a lopsided grin.

“This is your warning,” he said, not bothering to lower his voice now that we had been caught. I had time to frown at his reply before both of Dracula’s arms pulled me into an embrace, my feet swinging beneath me. I emitted a sound of surprise but didn’t struggle. “Hold on and please try not to throw up on my shoes, they’re rather expensive.”

I had one valuable second to wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in his chest before we moved faster than I thought was possible. My insides tossed inside of me, suddenly demanding for a way out of my body’s cage. I kept my eyes closed the entire time, too frightened of opening them. I had never gone on a roller coaster ride but I supposed the feeling was similar. 

Gusts of wind assailed my hair and threatened to steal the breath out of my lungs. I was afraid the feeling would last forever until we finally stopped and I landed on safe ground.

“You can let go now, Y/N.”

“Can you give me a second?” I mumbled, eyes still shut. “I think my soul is still trying to find a way back into my body.”

Dracula’s laughter tickled my ear and I tightened my hold on him. He did, too, his fingers pressing gently on the flesh of my back. Slowly, as if in a limp, my senses caught up with me and my stomach settled on what felt like an appropriate position. 

I opened my eyes tentatively and turned my head to the side. Startled, I realised he had brought me all the way from Gloucester Cathedral to the street where my Airbnb rental was located. And he’d done it in a span of two minutes, if not less. 

I tipped my head to look at him, resting my cheek on the cold of his leather jacket. Dracula’s eyes were closed, sets of black eyelashes casting soft shadows on his face, and he was breathing steadily. Not because he needed to, I presumed, but because he was taking in my scent. My lips tugged up automatically; it was odd perceiving that as something sweet but I did.  

His throat moved, drawing my attention. A most devilish thought occurred to me and before I gave myself too much time to dwell on it, I stretched up and nibbled at the skin of his neck. It lasted no more than five seconds but the sound that came out of Dracula would be seared into my memory forever. Raw, rapturous, and chilling at the same time. Satisfied, I let go of him, but he didn’t let go of me. Too fast for me to react, he took my hands and placed them where they had been, and then trapped me into his embrace again.

I had just blurred some very important lines with what I had just done, and yet part of me only cared about the thrill of it.

“Your scar has faded,” he said, and my heart hammered madly. A hand delved into my hair, grabbing a mass of it to expose my neck. “You didn’t really think you could get away with what you just did, did you?”

“Not really. But if you bite me without my consent, then the deal is off.”

“And I have no intention of breaking my word. Don’t think of this as reprisal. It’s more of a gift, such as you’ve just given me.”

Dracula bent his head slowly towards my bare neck, like he was giving me time to protest. I remained silent. It was imprudent, this need to know what he would do, but I wanted to garner every possibility of my time with him to cherish in my heart, forever. And the uncertainty of it made me all the more excited. I stared up at the sky and then his lips touched my throat where he had bitten me, softly, so very softly. And then again, not softly at all. Riveting pleasure sparked to life as if the scar was still fresh and I choked on my breath. Dull teeth nibbled the skin there and a flash of pulsating warmth coursed down my chest and back, spreading gradually in the same way spilled blood spread on the ground: trying to encompass everything in its wake, tainting it with inevitable appeal and fear of what it meant. I held on to Dracula forcefully, more forcefully than one would judge to be adequate, and he laughed against my skin before giving it a long lick. 

“Careful,” he whispered in my ear. “I may interpret your willingness as consent. And I know you well enough to know you won’t give it to me easily. Will you?”

“No.” The word was automatic and I thanked the part of me that still harboured a sense of self-preservation above my heedless desire for him. However, I still leaned all of my weight on him and made no attempt to put distance between us, as I should’ve. “Not easily at all.”

Dracula, showing way more restraint than I had all night, disentangled my hair from his fingers and stepped back. It took everything in me not to launch myself into his arms again but I let my hands drop to my sides.

“You’re dangerous,” he accused.

“Not as much as you are.”

“A different kind of dangerous.” He licked his lips. Could he taste my skin in his mouth? 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It is one.”

I smiled. Being called dangerous filled me with power. Power over him. I was delighted for only a second before wondering if he would think the same thing tomorrow when I stuck a needle with sickly blood in him.

“The cathedral was a good idea,” I said. “Defiling a church has always been in my to-do list, plus I learned how to waltz. So thank you for that.” I sighed. “I should really go to bed now, and so should you. Isn’t the sun almost coming up?”

He nodded. 

“Before you go–” he looked behind me with obvious disdain at the building I was staying at and then back at me “–what were you quoting before the priest came upon us?”

I gulped.

“I don’t remember.”

He narrowed his eyes, shifting closer.

“You’re lying. I thought we had established that you don’t lie to me.”

“You established that.” I stepped back, conjuring a cheeky smile. “I didn’t.”

“Tell me.”

“I’ll regret it,” I admitted. “And I prize my sleep. I prefer not to go to bed with a heavy heart.”

He stared at me for a long moment and I waited under his scrutiny, doing my very best to keep it together.

“Tomorrow, then,” he finally said. “Tell me tomorrow.”

But I wouldn’t tell him tomorrow. I would tell him nothing at all. 

“Okay. Goodnight, Dracula.”

“Goodnight, dear.”

As I laid my head on the pillow that night, I realised I still didn’t know if Dracula would like Scully or Mulder better. And would never know.

 .

.

.

Taglist: @rheabalaur​ @festering-queen​ @feralstare​ @deborahlazaroff​ @mr-kisskiss-bangbang​ @girlonfireice​ @thorin-smokin-shield​ @a-dorky-book-keeper​ @dreamer2381​ @apocalypsenowish​ @saint-hardy​

[lgcmax]

my loves !! you’ll want to read this one. <3

 my kings, queens, and in-betweens - how are you ??? gosh, it’s been a while since i said that one right ? i know i’ve been gone - we’re gonna get to that in a minute - but let me be frank. the dreaded day has come ... for me to drop max and nari. my official drop will be sent in after this, but there’s a loot i gotta say first.

first of all let me say i know this is SO sudden and though not necessarily surprising it may have come off as a bad shock to some of you, and if it did i’m sorry :( i told near to no one bc i had faith i’d stay but i really am too weak hearted to tell u all person to person .... i am so sorry for any plots i’m ruining here genuinely but i gotta look out for #1 :((

i am writing - or at least starting to - write this days before this actually posts (queued while i’m at work so i don’t gotta see the sap ahaha), but i’m running low on sleep and do nooooot want to be sad so i will make my explanation quick. i love lgc, but with so much going on in my life, it’s like i’m falling too behind to recover. you know how they say if you pull an all nighter, even if you take tons of naps in the days following or sleep the whole day away, you’ll never get that rest back ? well, that’s me. i feel like i’ve spent too much time away to make the comeback i want, and if i want to come back, i need to take a true break.

so this isn’t necessarily ... goodbye ? i have faith max and nari will return, because legacy feels like home and they’re some of my favorite muses i’ve made yet. 

but i mean it when i say ... this rp was a game changer for me. i was in such a creative rut before i came here, and as a lot of you already know, max was the most spur-of-the-moment, randomly generated muse who popped in my mind, at a time where i wanted nothing more than to have a casual creative outlet. but he became so much more. you guys will neeeever understand how overwhelmingly happy and surprised i was when you guys filled me and max’s hearts with so much love for my incredibly stupid boy. max was just the outline, but you all truly filled him with so many beautiful connections that i was shocked. and nari tottered in like the smaller but never forgotten little sister, and you embraced her too ! although i admittedly haven’t given her all the love she deserves, you all always have, and taking a chance on my goofball, even if you didn’t fully get her, will always mean the world to me. never have i been in a role-play with soooo many truly meaningful connections, to the point i feel like the relationships he created truly made him. and you have all shared your love for me, appreciating even my smallest efforts, and even at my lowest points of activity you have loved me the same. and ohh yes -- i am very sorry for how bad i have been in this month. i truly felt so bad about it my heart hurt iwjeoijfofei. i’ll do better if i return.

i really didn’t wanna make this sappy but uhh here we are - there’s no turning back now. believe me when i say this role-play has defined this era. i spent a year - the toughest one i’ve had at that - in this same space, and yet i was always discovering new things about you all and learning new things about myself. this is my creative playground and no matter if max or nari come back, or return a little different than they left, nothing about that will ever change.

in case this is really goodbye, i can assume max left the dorms in the middle of the night to go run off and pursue some 2am dreams with promises to write yeseo and hunji everyday lol. if he had to give a goodbye it’d be “l8r 🤙” LMAO. i can assure you nari was offered a contract to live in an animal sanctuary and become a humanitarian if she decided to leave her acting career and took the offer no questions asked HAHA. she would’ve def wrote this long ass letter plus 10 more pages. but that’s only if their stories are truly over. which idk about you guys but ... i think they have a lot more to give legacy.

but for now, as a mun, see you around. i won’t even begin to name names as to who has impacted me because if i tried i’d def leave someone out accidentally, and honestly, all of you have anyways. and i’m so sorry to any of you new babies who i never got to chat with. i try to lead an intentional life, so i hope that in a small way, i have made at least one of your days brighter in the time me, max, and nari have been here. but for now, it’s jada, signing off, and i love you all sooo much. mwah.

THIS IS SO LONG IT’S EMBARRASSING I’M SO SORRY.

[ecampbellsoup]

Outlander Moments of Impact: I Will Always Be Your Wee Girl

For twenty years, Jamie felt the absence of his child. He longed, yearned to be with his bairn. He never expected to live without his flesh and blood; he would rather be slain on the battlefield than face that. Yet endure it he did:

“The pain of losing a child never leaves you. I’ve lost...two children myself.”

For twenty years, Brianna felt the absence of someone she did not even know existed. His presence lingered in the atmosphere she breathed. Unbeknownst to Bree, her Da not only created her, but his love pierced through time to touch her.

And after much sacrifice, pain, and loss, here they now stand, together on her wedding day. A day they have both dreamt of their entire lives.

This darling scene in 5x1 between Jamie and Brianna is a moment in time where love conquers all. Regardless of the pain of the past, they both behold each other in their truest form. 

Let’s break down this scene for some context, shall we? 

The day has finally arrived. Brianna is marrying Roger. In his care and intentionality, Jamie has prepared traditional gifts for his daughter. Full of anticipation, he goes to fetch her.

In her final moments as a single gal, Bree patiently awaits her da. She hears him approach and swiftly turns around to greet him. 

At the mere sight of her, Jamie’s jaw hits the floor. He is dazzled by the beauty of her. 

She is glorious. She is really here.

Bree sees what Jamie is holding. Touched by his thoughtfulness, she exclaims, “You remembered.” You care for me. You see me. She beams with love at Jamie. 

They both exhale, grinning. Jamie finally catches his breath and approaches Bree. He affirms, “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.” Bree takes everything in.

Nodding to his roots and time, Jamie then states, “And a silver sixpense for your shoe.” They both chuckle. There is a sense of timidity between them still, yet with each passing second, they fall into an ease with one another. 

Jamie then clarifies, “...from Murtagh.” Feeling his absence and knowing what Murtagh means to Jamie, Bree smiles and comforts, “I am sorry he can’t be here today.” I see you, da.

Touched by her compassion, Jamie responds, “As is he.”

Then grabbing his mother’s pearls, Jamie confesses, “I’m glad you brought these back with ye. I hoped that maybe you would wear them one day.” I’ve dreamed of this my whole life, m’annasachd. 

Turning around, Bree allows Jamie to do the honors.

Brianna knows well that this is a monumental moment; a culmination of every dream Jamie Fraser has ever had. 

Now facing him, she lightly touches the pearls, almost as if pinching herself. Bree is glowing. 

Overwhelmed by the sight he thought he would never see, Jamie’s eyes fill and he quietly breaths, “Bonnie.” Oh my child, you’re the most precious thing in the world to me. 

Joking, Jamie states, “I dinna imagine it’s quite the wedding you dreamt of when you were a wee lass.” He acknowledges that today likely looks nothing like she expected; one can almost sense his fear that it might be a bit of a disappointment. 

Bree laughs. Of course today isn’t what she had in mind. Yet, sensing his doubts, she pierces right through them, “Not quite, but the best thing is I don’t have to imagine you.” You are real, Da. I am going to marry the love of my life and you are here to see it. That matters to me more than any pomp or circumstance. 

Shaking his head with the wonder of her, Jamie almost looks in disbelief. He can hardly believe this is really happening. 

Confessing his burdens, “It is a blessing you came to me but having just gotten you back, must I give you away so soon.” He feels how tender, fragile their relationship has been. Right as they fall into rhythm, must they part? Must he face another loss?

Shooting down another lie, “Dad, no matter where I am, I will always be your wee girl.”  

Jamie missed all of Brianna’s childhood. He lost that and it is something he will never have. Yet here she says, no matter what we’ve missed out on, I will always be your bairn. No one can take that away. You will never have to lose me again, Da. I am not going anywhere.

In typically Highlander fashion, Jamie pours a glass of whiskey for them. 

He raises his glass to her. Jamie softly inquires, “Are ye ready, a leannan.” 

Knowing the weight of her words, Bree affirms, “Je suis prest.” I am a Fraser. 

Arm in arm, off they go to join Claire. All is as it should be.

This scene is dripping with sincerity; it is the truest essence of hope restored. 

Knowing what this father and daughter have had to endure, to watch them love one another is nothing short of beautiful. 

With every word, every smile, every choice, they are showing how much they mean to each other. They take nothing for granted. 

For so long, Bree felt trepidation with Jamie. Who is he to her? What role can he have? Will she betray Frank by loving him? What space does he deserve to take in her life? Does he truly love me? Has he always wanted me?

This is particularly powerful and singular choice for Brianna because she finally embraces Jamie fully as her da. Beyond merely acknowledging who he is to her mother, she blesses who he is to her.

She’s communicating and showing in every way that she can: I know you love me, Da. You’ve always loved me. I love you too. I choose you. 

And look at them now.

There is band from North Carolina called The Avett Brothers and they have a song that perfectly encapsulates this bliss: 

“My dream of all dreams and my hope of all hopes Is only to tell you and make sure you know How much I love you and how much I always did.”

-The Avett Brothers, Through My Prayers

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

So because of quarantine, I’ve been rewatching a lot of old shows/movies to pass the time. One of those shows is the cancelled-too-soon “The Punisher”. After rewatching both seasons (and season 2 of Daredevil), it’s occurred to me now that this series is the closest we’ll ever get to a MCU villain origin story.

And no, not as in a Venom-type villain story where the main character is still clearly good despite having villainous qualities. I mean, a straight-up villain origin story. 

It’s actually quite fascinating since even though Frank is meant to be the hero of his show, the show still explores the parts of his character that could be considered villainous. For example, in Daredevil season 2, Frank is clearly meant to be the secondary villain of the season. He’s Matt’s polar opposite, his introduction in the show is him shooting up a hospital, and since you never really see the story from Frank’s POV, he’s always presented as an antagonistic figure. Yes, he does save Karen and Matt at least once in the season but as a whole, Frank wasn’t the good guy. 

Cut to the Punisher spinoff. Now we have a show where we can see the story from Frank’s POV. We’re gonna see how he rationalizes his actions and the show is going to present him in a more favorable light. But even then, there are moments in the Punisher series where Frank makes questionable decisions that make him look like the bad guy. Examples:

1) Flat out rejecting Micro’s suggestion to go to Dinah Madani for help, insisting that they should kill all the bad guys themselves

2) Threatening Micro’s son with a knife, even if it was just to scare him

3) Brutalizing Billy Russo’s face instead of just killing him or knocking him out and leaving him for the police

4) Getting involved in Amy Bendix’s problems. Even Amy questions his motives as she thinks he’s just using her as an excuse to hurt people. 

5) Tying up Amy Bendix and using her as bait to lure John Pilgrim’s people to come to him.

And so on. It’s fascinating since even though we’re clearly meant to sympathize with Frank, the show repeatedly shows him in a neutral light, not really glorifying him but also not fully villainizing him. If I had to make a comparison, the Punisher series is less like his Defenders siblings and a lot closer to shows like Breaking Bad and Sons of Anarchy in terms of how it portrays its protagonist. You can sympathize with Frank but the show does make you question that sympathy you’re giving him.

But the biggest point that the Punisher is the closest thing to a villain origin story that the MCU will ever make would be the season 1 and 2 finales. In season 1, the show ends with Frank in a support group, giving us the hope that Frank will find peace and learn to let go of his rage and bloodlust. In season 2, it ends with Frank giving in to the bloodlust and gunning down two rival gangs while in full Punisher gear.  

Compare Frank’s story to any other hero in the MCU. Even if they may start as a morally questionable character (ex.: Scott Lang is an ex-con, Stephen Strange is an asshole self-centered surgeon, Peter Quill is a douchebag scavenger), they end up becoming a righteous character after completing their hero’s journey (ex.: Scott is given a second chance by both the Pyms and his own family, Stephen stops being selfish and embraces his role as the Sorcerer Supreme, Peter is still a prick but learns how to work together with other people and saves the galaxy).

Frank might be the sole hero who ends up in a worse place than he started. He starts out in the MCU as a bloodthirsty killer trying to avenge his family. Then, after he gets his revenge, you think he’ll start healing and become a more heroic man. But nope, season 2 ends with him giving into his demons and becoming a full-on serial killer vigilante. 

Arguably, Frank became an even worse person since now he’s just going after people who don’t even know him (even if those people are criminals). He’s not killing people for his family anymore, he’s killing people for himself.

(cue the Breaking Bad comparison of Walter White admitting that although he entered the drug business to support his family, he ends up staying in the business for his own greed and vanity)

I’m not saying any of this as a criticism of Frank Castle/The Punisher, by the way. I actually love that this was how his show ended. One of my favorite Marvel comics series is Marvel MAX Punisher and I can see a lot of that comic run’s influence on the show. Also, honestly speaking, I believe Frank Castle should never be portrayed as a full-on hero. Remember, the character was first introduced as a VILLAIN in the Marvel universe. 

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Kylo Ren

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

When I said Pryde was the best villain in the sequel trilogy, I wasn’t kidding. All of the other villains have something holding them back from true greatness. And nowhere is that more apparent than the big bad of the trilogy himself, Kylo Ren, AKA Ben Solo.

In The Force Awakens, he was built up as an unhealthily obsessed Darth Vader fanboy, trapped between the Light and Dark sides which were pulling him, and prone to anger and tantrums at the drop of a hat. He was petulant and creepy to be sure, but it was an interesting direction to take a villain… and then slowly, over the course of the sequels, he morphed into different but vaguely similar characterizations that ultimately left him as the epitome of a Darth Vader clone, with his character arc taking the same beats and cramming them into three films.  

In short, while not a bad villain by far, Kylo Ren may be the biggest wasted element of the sequel movies, bar none.

Motivation/Goals: So Kylo Ren is a rather simple villain on the surface: he’s motivated by a pursuit of power. But he is also motivated by Rey herself, wanting to corrupt her and have her join him as the head of the First Order. Some people really want you to believe there is some level of romantic attraction here, but honestly, I never saw it. Kylo Ren always seems more like a depraved stalker in his pursuit of Rey, and Rey frequently and violently rejects him. While there is a touch of romance at the very end, it feels really forced and lame. Overall, he has pretty standard motivations in terms of Star Wars villains, with just a touch of interesting flair to keep him interesting for at least two films in a row before the third film cements him as a carbon copy of Vader.

Performance: The one truly great element of Kylo Ren is Adam Driver’s performance. Driver is, simply put, incredible; he does a fantastic job at portraying Kylo Ren as a disturbed, broken man who was twisted into villainy before fully embracing it. The violent tantrums, the brutal combat stylings, his sinister voice as he tries to corrupt Rey… he does an amazing job. And to his credit, when the time comes for his forced redemption, he manages to pull it off as convincingly as he is allowed without once speaking, using only body language and facial expressions. He really manages to sell that Ben Solo is Han Solo’s son in these scenes. Frankly, Driver’s acting is what redeems Ren at all in the end, because a lesser actor would not be able to come out of The Rise of Skywalker relatively unscathed (just ask Domhnall Gleeson).

Final Fate: After a conversation with his dad’s ghost, Kylo Ren redeems himself by tossing aside his lightsaber and going to save Rey from Palpatine. We get extended sequences of Adam Driver pulling off a great Harrison Ford-esque performance that reminds you Ben Solo is supposed to be his kid, and then finally he sacrifices his power to save Rey from “death by grandpa.” Rey then delivers a kiss that’s so bad that poor Ben disintegrates. At least Reylo can’t happen now!

Best Scene: Really, anytime Kylo Ren fights is great or has a tantrum is great. Across his appearances in the trilogy, I do think his back-to-back duel with Rey and then attempt to sway her to the Dark Side as well as his confrontation with Luke, both scenes from The Last Jedi, are really standout. The Last Jedi, despite dropping a lot of the elements that made Kylo Ren interesting in favor of just making him as creepy and sinister as possible, really allowed Driver to show how good he is at playing a villain.

Best Quote: Again, I must praise The Last Jedi, because the dialogue when he tries to turn Rey is so wonderful and sinister. I always got the feeling like Kylo Ren was trying to gaslight and manipulate Rey at every turn, and this dialogue definitely sold me on it:

Ren: It's time to let old things die. Snoke, Skywalker, the Sith, the Jedi, the Rebels; Let it all die. Rey... I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy!

Rey: Don't do this, Ben. Please, don't go this way.

Ren: No, no, you're still... holding on! Let go! Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known? And you've just hidden it away. You know the truth. Say it. Say it.

Rey: They were nobody.

Ren: They were filthy junk traders, who sold you off for drinking money. They're dead in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story; you come from nothing. You're nothing... but not to me. Join me. Please.

Final Thoughts & Score: Kylo Ren is simultaneously the best-acted character in the sequel trilogy and a character who struggles to overcome the obnoxious, scattershot nature of the writing. And yet despite that, Kylo Ren does have the best and most consistent arc, though the end result is just really awkwardly done.

Kylo Ren seriously had the potential to be an interesting and worthy successor to Darth Vader; the way he was set up, it seemed like we were going to get a truly evil and irredeemable Star Wars villain for once. In the first film, we get a hint of his struggles, his internal battle with the pull of the Light and the Dark side, we see his tantrums and his obsession with this glorified idea of Darth Vader, and it all culminates with the moment where he kills his father, which is quite frankly a powerful moment. It really establishes his character well and sets up an intriguing storyline…

…and, to its credit, The Last Jedi does continue the storyline. Kylo Ren cements himself as a cruel and irredeemable, with him usurping the power of the First Order by killing Snoke, attempting to kill his mother, and trying to strike down Luke. Despite the divisive nature of the film and how poorly it treated characters like Poe, Hux, and Finn, The Last Jedi knew how to handle Kylo Ren and continue his character arc in a satisfying and logical manner. But then, of course, along came The Rise of Skywalker, and he gets tossed into a stereotypical redemption arc. This would be fine if the films prior hadn’t built him up as utterly irredeemable as a villain, with him killing his own father, attempting to kill his mother, and so on.

And while, yes, Vader did the same exact things, that’s the issue: Kylo Ren seemed to be being built up as a different beast from Vader due to his idolization of the negative traits of Vader’s legacy and not his ultimate turn and redemption in the eyes of the Force. There was an assumption in the first two films of the sequel that Kylo was going to be something different, especially with all the twists and his numerous villainous actions, but ultimately they redeem him, and while the incitement to the redemption and the acting Adam Driver shows in his silent rescue of Rey is fantastic, it ultimately just makes the character feel like a boring, less-impressive retread of something we’ve seen before, which is an overarching problem with the whole trilogy to be frank, though The Rise of Skywalker is really where it hits worst. Kylo Ren needed to stay a villain, needed to embrace the Dark side, and needed to die instead of giving us the tired redemption arc that we saw executed far better in the first six movies.

Adam Driver seriously is what carries this character, because despite the inane twists and turns the character takes, Driver still manages to deliver a fantastic, powerful performance, but it does leave you sad he didn’t get to go full villain. Driver clearly has the chops for it, but the shortcomings of the script really end up hurting him. Ultimately, Kylo Ren ended up being a stale, tired retread of one of the most important villains ever created despite being set up to be so much more, and it frankly pays me that I can only justify giving him a 6/10. Him even being that high is mostly a testament to how fantastic Driver is in the role, as he’d easily be a 4 or a 5 if he was played by a lesser man, but it’s still rather bittersweet, since Kylo Ren deserved to truly be a great villain, but because of corporate mandates, merchandising demands, and awful writing decisions, he ended up a less interesting Darth Vader clone. And Star Wars is a series with no shortage of clones as it is.

[sunnykeysmash]

The Structure of S14: a theory on how the season’s arc is structured, and on the ending

Here we go, finally, the post that drove me to make tumblr in the first place.

This is a direct follow-up to the other two posts I just did, so if you haven’t done so already, you need to read all the info/proof I have provided in them, in order to understand why I say what I’m gonna say.

You can do so right here.

As I said, every single episode in S14 serves a specific purpose in the arc/structure we’re witnessing, and none of them are fillers, NONE of them.

First, this is how I think the rest of the season is gonna go, based on the proof.

Assuming all the proof is correct, Charlie now knows that Mac Knows about Dennis' attraction to him/guys. So, cue the episode where we see his point of view, we get to see how he perceives them, which informs our experience on the next episode. The Gang Solves Global Warming. 

Following Escapes’ symbolism, after Mops, during Global Warming, he’s gonna pass the Key to Frank, aka he’s gonna tell him about what he knows, possibly in frustration post some event in Global Warming, because he’s been forced to witness their oblivious mutual pining without any new development.

In comes “A Woman’s Right To Chop”, a Dennis and Frank pair up episode. Pretty weird, those happen VERY rarely. But there’s a reason for why it happens now. So, Frank confronts Dennis in Chop about what he knows. Dennis denies it, and wants to prove to Frank that he's wrong. This becomes his new character motivation that will drive him all the way until the finale. What I think he’ll do to desperately try to prove to Frank that he’s wrong is, just like in TGGR with Dee’s planned role as diversion, Dennis bangs a chick. It just so happens that Jackie Denardo starts in S14, and we don’t yet know in which episode, so I can’t confidently say whether she’ll star in Chop or Jumper (we can’t fully determine when he will bang her, but I’m confident he’ll bang HER, or come close to), either way, that’s the reason she stars in S14. She represents the culmination of Dennis’ forced attraction to girls that actually never occurs. Getting over her means embracing his true feelings.

So, he bangs her. Just like Frank and Charlie post sleeping with the girls, Dennis feels that “it doesn't quite feel right”, and he misses Mac, but he doesn't pay it any mind yet. Continuing with this, it is unclear whether Mac will learn about it in Jumper or Big Mo, all we know is that Mac doesn’t seem angry in the Big Mo clips, so my guess is the latter, as the build up would come to a halt as Mac finally confronts Dennis about his feelings and he, in order to deny, reveals he banged her and staged the Big Mo thing so that Mac will get off of him for good. This argument would then drive Mac to decide to actually give Big Mo a chance, which is when Dennis’ jealousy would truly make him snap out of the denial.

This can technically also be supported by the dialogue in TGGR, which goes as follows:

“I know that what you had with [x] (Dennis) was special, and I know that I (Big Mo) can never replace him, but that’s dead and buried now, and you gotta move on. And I know that it’s crazy because we just met, but I feel like if you just give us a chance, we could tell a lovestory for the ages.”

So this brings us to the key question. How does it end? The synopsis for Jumper was kind enough to give us a crucial hint, which, when paired with the “Jump” symbolism (”Why do blind people hate skydiving?”), and the theme of CHANGE that I discussed, can pretty much give us a fairly accurate guess in my opinion.

“Could he? Would he? Should we?” Let’s dissect this.

- Could he? Could dennis have what it takes to get over his facade of heterosexuality and admit his love and need for mac (and men) to himself? To even accept and realize what he feels? Possibly. He's afraid of change, but he's also tired, and sleeping with Jackie would prompt him to realize that something is very wrong.

 - Would he? Is he willing do it? to let down his defenses and do it in the open? Say it to him? He's not known for saying things openly, except in desperate times. See Tends Bar. He can't let himself lose Mac.

 - Should we? Should we get together? The very existence of this question implies that the answer of the previous ones are affirmative. So, could he? Yes. Would he? Yes. Should we? For Dennis, yes. He has admitted it to Mac at this point, he feels vulnerable but ready, and hopes that Mac agrees. Mac knows better now, he knows Dennis is desperate, and he's not sure if Dennis just wants to keep his position of power. He needs proof. Commitment. He knows Dennis has never been one for committing, but Mac can't hand him his heart if he's unsure whether it'll get shattered. He needs to know that it'll be safe. Mac is romantic, Mac commits. He needs to know Dennis can do it too. He sees this as just another plan he'd make to keep him, for now. What happens next can be two different things. Either the ONE YEAR is what we have to wait to know what Mac answers. Or it’s what he asks of him as proof of commitment. Wait one year. “If you feel the same way by then, I'll know you meant it, and I'll be ready to give us a try.” Mac loves Dennis, but he also knows him, and he knows himself, that he could never handle his heart being played with. And that he doesn't want to ruin what they have by jumping into things. You see, Dennis is the man that needs to jump, in this arc. He’s the leading man. Mac doesn't have to. Mac is his parachute. And after what just happened, he needs to be able to trust Dennis, just as Dennis needed in Chokes.

So, TGGR has two endings, as I previously discussed. A good one, and a bad one. Supposedly, this is to keep the ending unclear, but knowing what we know, the story we are following is the Charlie and Frank one. Which tells me that, ultimately, it all ends in a YES. They do end up together, even if we get a dubious cliffhanger, on the other side of it is a YES.

That said, since we can safely assume that Big Mo will parallel Jumper, we can also assume that it really doesn’t matter whether the Jumper jumps or not, and actually, the mere application of this algorithm TO the Jumper further confirms my claims, let me explain why. Let me apply it.

First of all, let’s make an assumption that I think we can all agree on. Whenever the gang intervenes, they make things worse. 

Now:

- Could he? die/jump? He could jump, he probably wouldn't die thought. The McPoyle guy didn't. 

- Would he? jump? ...How would the gang know or be able to guess the answer to this question, without interacting with the jumper?

- Should we? Intervene? If they answer yes, he'll jump. If they answer no, he might not. But here’s the catch.

The "should we" question is a question asked to TWO people, hence the "we", so it has two answers. Depending on the person.

And it ultimately doesn't matter which one the jumper will reflect. It’ll probably be a red herring anyway. They likely won’t intervene at all, thus the jumper won’t jump. 

"should we (intervene/get together)? yes" Dennis jumps. It reflects his answer. "should we (intervene/get together)? no(t yet)" Mac doesn't jump. It reflects his.

Obviously we can’t 100% assume that Mac will say no (but he needs to, in order to justify the one year thing), however the theme of change might hit him as well. We know he’s impulsive, the doesn’t think things through. Him waiting would be his change. Not only that, but Dennis getting a no(t yet) would be the most appropriate ending for his arc of taking Mac for granted, AND it would reverse their dynamic, possibly. Plus, karma, which usually gets implemented in stories/arcs, especially so in a series as self aware as IASIP.

Having said ALL of this, I can finally get to the structure itself.

As I said, every episode has a role, and so far that has been the case. So I’m gonna try to compile them, as I think fits, one by one.

I present to you, “The Structure”:

TGGR: Establishing the arc. The meta episode to set the ground rules, to give us the map of what's gonna happen, so that no one is surprised. It tells the audience to pay attention to what they’re about to experience, and not take details for granted. Thundergun: Establishing the conflict. A look at Den's past attractions and his reaction to them in the present. It tells us where he is currently. It tells us the inherent conflict of his real feelings that he has always had vs his resistance to change (symbolized by thundergun itself changing, skillfully enough). Dee Day: Transitional. It solidifies the conflict regarding the relationship itself, not just Dennis’ personal one. It tries to unite the past with the future, but fails because the needs of the arc haven’t been met yet. So it sets up Chokes. Chokes: The first turning point. Mac and Dennis are able to work out their core hang-ups, and realize they are still perfect for each other. First part of the relationship conflict resolution. First acceptance of change: Mac learns to make his own decisions and not follow what Dennis wants. Texts: The second turning point. Mac and Dennis work out their communication problems. Also advancement of the situation of Dennis’ conflict. Mac and Charlie become aware of Den's feelings. This is the second part of the relationship conflict resolution, not yet the ending of it as Dennis’ conflict hasn’t been resolved, thus the relationship conflict can’t yet either. Mops: The aftermath. Now that Charlie is involved, we take a look at his point of view of Mac and Dennis, now that he knows. The conflict between Charlie and Mac+Dennis will likely be established here, as it will start to give the character his motivation for what’s to come all the way to the finale. Either that or it’s breathing room, but I stand by my case that no episode is a filler in this season. Global Warming: Advancement of the conflict of the dynamic between Charlie and Mac+Dennis, and advancement of Dennis’ personal conflict. Charlie, now knowing, is fed up at things not going forward for Mac+Dennis, he was happy at Mac figuring it out, hoping it would lead them to speed things up and stop bothering him with their complex rituals, but they haven’t. He’s annoyed with Mac and Dennis about this whole thing. This is the character motivation that drives him to tell Frank what he knows, possibly in frustration after something that happens in GW. Remember how in The Gang Escapes, Charlie passes the key to Frank, and it’s him who opens the lock. Chop: Confronting the issue, running away from it. This is the start of Dennis’ spiraling because of his conflict, that will lead him to the events of the finale. Frank is paired with Dennis, something truly rare. It's on purpose. He confronts Dennis about his feelings. Dennis denies. Gains a new motivation going forward and into the finale: proving that his denial is actually accurate. Jumper: With his new motivation setting in motion the events that will lead to the finale, he bangs a chick. Trying to prove it further, he thinks of a plan to get Mac off of him for good, thinking that's why people keep believing that he’s gay. Big Mo: Obviously, the finale. The final turning point. Acceptance of change. Resolution of Dennis’ personal conflict. End of the conflict of the dynamic between Charlie and Mac+Dennis, as all the other conflicts have been resolved, so he too is content.

As change is finally accepted, we reach a Point B in the finale, different from the Point A at which we started. Change is effective on Dennis, which now accepts himself fully, and feels ready. Change is effective on Mac, which makes him make his own decisions no matter what Dennis wants, and thus doesn’t jump into the relationship yet.

One year from the finale, season 15. We have a new beginning. It’s unclear whether the year of waiting is supposed to be for the audience or in-universe, so it’s unclear whether in s15 we’ll deal with a reversed dynamic of Dennis yearning and Mac refusing, or if the year passes off screen as we wait, which would imply the promise that S15 starts with canon MacDennis.

Either way, this is my dissection of the season so far, and obviously I might be very wrong, and if I am please don’t kill me, but this is how I think things are going, and how I think things will go.

Feel free to ask me about anything that is unclear, as english isn’t my first language so I might’ve explained something a little roughly. I do look forward to knowing the fandom’s reception to my thoughts, if anyone is brave enough to read all the way through here. And hey, if you did, thank you so so much! I hope you enjoyed it.

[words-writ-in-starlight]

Oh you read Indexing? I adore it, so so many good things, fun characters and original thoughts and so many perspectives on tales and cool powers, but my favourite is nature of Snow Whites, a sacrifice to retrieve Sun, and whiteout wood.

@thornhands asked:

Starlight, please elucidate to tumblr(me) your feeling about Indexing. (It rocks, I love it, I want a paper copy SO BADLY)

@figmentera asked:

ok i've only read the first one and my feelings about it are mostly actually about the self-indulgent AU revolving around my own OCs but: Hell yeah Indexing! A Very Solid concept! I am here to talk about it!

MMMM OKAY

First and foremost, let’s talk about how unbelievably CHOICE Indexing is as an AU setting.  Daemon AUs are so 2016, in 2019 we’re all about placing characters on the ATI spectrum.  Ask Me About Indexing AUs.  I Have Many.  (I have one that I came up with for Vox Machina of Critical Role and I have confirmed that this is the best of AU settings.)  

Anyway, you wanted some Indexing feelings, and true to form these are not OVERWHELMINGLY coherent but damn I sure do feel them.

WE ARE ABOUT TO DO SPOILERS BECAUSE I AM VERY HYPE ABOUT THESE BOOKS

First of all, I love Henry so very overwhelmingly much.  @seananmcguire always writes heroines who hit me right where I live and Henry, fierce angry Henry who has fought her entire life not to be what she is and then embraces it with open arms to save everyone she loves, is no exception.  The grim hard gladness she feels when the whiteout wood calls Gerry her brother in the second book is everything to me--Henry’s not grateful to the wood, because that would imply that she needs to be grateful for such a basic requirement, but she’s glad, even though Gerry being her brother is what trapped her alone in this story.  And that dichotomy.  The dichotomy of “I am bitterly angry, sometimes, to be alone in this story, but I would never, ever change it,” the dichotomy of “Sloane tried to poison me today and I will hug her until we both believe she’s going to be all right”, the dichotomy of “I’ve embraced my inner Snow White and now I am going to use it to sing every animal in a mile radius into this house to die horribly for me and my friends,” that’s my SHIT.  Henry is seven layers of Stubborn And Angry around a core of pure steel love for her people, and holy shit is it my favorite kind of character.

Second of all, I wouldn’t be surprised if I read Indexing now, but Indexing was the first Seanan book I ever read, and the frank and direct way that Gerry’s story is handled just.  It’s so good, guys, it’s so good.  It shocked and delighted me so much.  It’s THE question I always think of when people do fairy tale mashups--what if the story says you’re one gender, and you’re another.  Because, sure, maybe some roles don’t care about gender, but The Kind Sister And The Wicked Sister?  Hansel And Gretel?  Diamonds And Toads?  Snow White And Rose Red?  Those are gender locked!  It matters that the people involved are sisters, or brother and sister, or whatever, and I always get wary when authors try to do trans people in that situation.  And Gerry is just...I love it.  He’s Henry’s brother, and therefore he cannot be her Rose Red, and even when she’s alone and scared in her own story, she fights tooth and nail to keep him from being drawn back into it, because goddamnit he deserves to be her brother.

Third of all, Sloane.  Oh, Sloane, how I love thee.  The Wicked Stepsister who wasn’t, the Wicked Stepsister who won’t, the Wicked Stepsister who ran her story into the ground and kept running for centuries and never, ever took the easy way out.  She’s rude and snappish and probably shops at Hot Topic and she named her bird Lovecraft.  I love how angry she is.  I love how justified she is in her anger.  I love that, if she twists hard enough on the narrative, she can wear the scraps of someone else’s story, like a stolen and tattered ballgown, or a bloodstained slipper.  I love that she spends a week knocking poisoned coffee out of Henry’s hands and cries on Henry’s shoulder out of fear of her story and lets Henry drag her to a therapist, and I love the exchange she and Henry have every time she brings Henry an apple.  Some variant on “Did you poison this?”//”Does it matter?”  It’s so good.

Fourth of all, Demi and Andy and Jeff, Henry’s family, I love them.  Her adopted baby sister and her big cheerful lug of a brother and her shoemaker-who-isn’t-a-prince.  God.  Fuck me up with that found family shit, Seanan, fuck me ALL the way up.  I love that Jeff loves Henry, I love that Henry loves him, I love that we get to see their love go from “I like him, I think” to “oh no I think I love him” to “I am going to do this dumb shit because if I can’t wake up Jeff can just give me true love’s kiss and we’ll be golden.”  I have talked before about how Seanan’s two crowning strengths, in my humble opinion, are her masterful grasp of how to write a romance that feels real and tender and joyful, and her liberal stance on how much found family is “enough.”  (More.  The answer is always More.  Seanan is one of like eight authors I can think of who really sate my endless hunger for found family.  They have fucking family breakfast with everyone plus Gerry, I’m melting.  You melted me, Seanan.)

Finally, can we just pour one the FUCK out for one of very few authentically Good twisted fairy tale stories?  “Twisted modern fairy tale” does not mean grimdark and honestly I’m just so spiritually exhausted by everyone who believes it does.  THIS is what I’m fucking looking for.  I’m looking for “skin white as snow is pretty upsetting, actually” and “being a shoemaker’s elf makes me weirdly good at paperwork but also incredibly insomniac” and “I get my paycheck first so I don’t go full Hamelin and pipe this whole office into the nearest river.”  I want to talk about how Pied Pipers are all about temptation and that makes them susceptible to stories about temptation and they get in over their heads fast because of it!  I want to talk about how being a Wicked Stepsister comes fully equipped with an encyclopedic knowledge of poisons!  I want to talk about how Disney fucked with the narrative, and how bluebirds beat themselves to death on windows trying to wake up princesses, and how to rules-lawyer the narrative into doing what it wants you to!  Fuck!  

....writing this list of what I’m into, in Good And Well Executed Twisted Modern Fairy Tales, has suddenly clarified for me why I keep watching like one and a half seasons of Once Upon A Time and then going and rereading Indexing.

INDEXING IS A GREAT BOOK AND I WILL YELL UNTIL EVERYONE AGREES WITH ME.  MS SEANAN MCGUIRE IF YOU’RE READING THIS YOU DID SUCH GOOD WORK ON THIS.

[randomlynormalgirl]

Joker Movie Thoughts

this is a bunch of jumbled, unstructured thoughts about the joker movie because I can’t stop thinking about it and I needed to write at least some of my thoughts down. might add to it every now and then. hope you enjoy it anyway if you end up reading it :)

MASSIVE SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!!!!!!

watching the ‘joker’ movie felt like a very visceral experience for me. the movie manages to hold and intertwine many complicated themes alongside the plot so eloquently that I am not surprised it received an 8 minute standing ovation. I will be personally outraged if Joaquin phoenix does not receive an Oscar for his portrayal of the joker character because he manages to perfectly display the descent into madness as well as the tragedy of the movie. This movie manages to make you want to sympathise with Joker because the course of events leading up to him becoming the joker is very tragic and given the right circumstances would turn any sane man mad, yet you know you shouldn’t empathise with him because you understand he is mentally ill and that he sees violence as the only way to exact his revenge. Every scene in the movie is a trailer moment yet I didn’t feel like the movie was spoiled for me in any way.

Another aspect of the movie I liked is that Joaquin Phoenix manages to use his acting skill so well that he can subtly show how the joker’s descent into madness builds to a crescendo so spectacularly. How the first dance he does after his first kills is slow and controlled compared to that when he is fully embracing his madness and dancing on the steps so freely, because in his madness he is set free. It reminds me of Midsommar in that way slightly. Also, Joaquin’s body during the movie was also a strange sight and the dedication he put into the role to make himself look that skinny and ill simply astounded me. also, knowing that Joaquin improvised the dancing in the bathroom after Arthur's first three murders makes the scene all the more eerie to me. i hope he looked after himself after he finished filming for the movie because i dread another heath ledger situation, i don't think my heart could take it

I also appreciated that despite the amount of violence in the movie, a lot of the deaths are actually not shown. I think it’s a sign of good acting and good directing when the audience can guess what’s happened behind the scenes just from a few context clues (such as the end of the movie when he leaves the therapists office trailing bloody footprints)

I saw someone on twitter say that the joker movie is just Marxism in practise and honestly I can't fault their logic. The working class leading a violent revolution against the top 1% because they want better than the shitty lower hand they have been dealt, the fact that the newspapers in the film literally call it the 'kill the rich' revolution, the fact that Thomas Wayne literally calls them all clowns and it only ends up spurring on the revolt further. i mean, i can definitely see it.

The story is heartbreaking because it is believable. Watching as a mentally ill man is pushed to the extreme due to funding cuts for his therapy which ultimately stopped him getting the medication he needed to stay sane, poverty, an abusive childhood, a mentally ill mother whilst also living in a classist society where the working class are oppressed by people like Thomas Wayne. A good example of this to me is his first trio of murders; he only killed them because the three Wall Street type guys were going to beat him to death had he not pulled out the gun to kill them, yet it is certain that if Arthur had been killed by those men no one would care because he was not someone worth reporting on in the eyes on the media. In short, anyone below middle class in Gotham were considered nobody and they had enough. Arthur merely sparked the rebellion.

I enjoyed how the joker didn’t plan to become a political figure in the movie. He unintentionally becomes a martyr to the people of Gotham and how that tied in with the origins of batman was a very cool moment for me as part of the audience.

To add to this, the ending of the movie being dubious was an interested touch. Throughout the movie we learn that we cannot always trust Arthur’s perspective. From his fantasy of being on his idol’s TV show, down to his delusion of the romance between him and Sophie. So, the idea that the end of the movie suggesting it was all in his imagination was interesting to me. I, however, don’t subscribe to such a theory because I think the final flash of Bruce with his dead parents was the director giving us that subtle hint that this time the joker wasn’t just dreaming of being successful and loved by many, it was real this time. A slightly less important note but the aesthetic of the whole movie was just very grainy and gritty and fit the film? like the old school format, the cinematography and the fucking SOUNDTRACK. 'that's life' by Frank Sinatra is one if my favourite songs and the fact is features so heavily in this movie was a really cool moment for me? i also really liked the whole riot scene; it just felt really raw and gritty and like a true climax to the joker's story as he finally becomes the persona fully and finds his new identity as the figurehead for this revolution in Gotham

Of course, I cannot talk about this film without mentioning my beloved heath ledger and his depiction of the joker, and the references and similarities between the two. Let me make one thing clear; phoenix’s and ledger’s joker are nowhere near the same. I remember reading that Joaquin and heath were very good friends, and that Joaquin did not in anyway want to impose on heath’s legacy. He understands how legendary that role was and said while he loves that portrayal he didn’t want to be a cheap imitation. I believe he has fully achieved such a feat but I cannot help but compare. Some ‘Easter eggs’ or possible homages to heath that I recognised were:

-the scene where Arthur is in the back of the police car reminded me very much of that scene in the dark knight where joker steals the cop car (ledger / phoenix). I realise that is is also supposed to parallel the scene earlier where he is sat all sad on the bus compared to how happy he looks in the police car but i didn't quite get it straight away.

-Arthur using his own blood to paint the smile on his face (x) after the car crash reminded me of the ledger makeup look

-Arthur saying to Sophie that he ‘had a bad day’ reminded me instantly of when heath ledger’s joker said something along the lines of ‘everyone is just one bad day away from being like me’

none-Ledger related Easter eggs I noticed too were:

-the protesters laying Arthur across the hood of the crashed cop car Jesus-style to signify that he's saintly to them was a nice touch -Bruce coming down the fireman’s pole was reminiscent of the Adam west batman series where they had to come down the fireman’s pole

-the joker being attached to the death of Bruce Wayne’s parents (although less directly in this depiction)

-the font of the late night talk show is the same as batman the animated series

-I’ve seen some people say that the backdrop of the talk show is the same during the titles of the animated series too

-joker killing the host was reminiscent of the dark knight returns where joker kills the audience of a TV talk show

-apparently the look of this joker is similar to that of one of his video game iterations but I can’t find that -the sort of reference to the inspiration behind the entire joker character by having Arthur have a condition where he can't help but laugh in certain situations, when the joker was based on the film 'the man who laughs' where a man is cursed to never stop smiling no matter how much he tries -major inspiration from taxi driver, which also features Robert De Niro so its a cool touch -some kind of reference to the movie 'the king of comedy', a movie centring around a person obsessed with a tv show host which has similar plot points and also features robert de niro again which is pretty cool

[wakandan-flowerz]

Our Love In Color XIX

A/N: I hope everyone is having a great 2019 so far! Enjoy this! Reader is Black and Plus sized? Oh, yes.

Warnings: fluff, plot progression

Translation: yam ivu-my rose

“I must say,” M’Bako started. “You have a lovely home, Feyisola.”

“Thank you.” Your mother said. “It’s an honor having the Chief and Chieftess in our home.”

“What are they doing here?” you whispered to M’Baku as you sat on the arm of your father’s chair, looking around at the guards posted in certain areas around the room.

“He just told me to come along and then we were here. If I knew, I would have told you. I promise I would have.” He said.

“Chieftess?” your mother asked.

“Please, call me Niyi. We should act as a family.” Niyi said, lips curled in a genuine smile.

“Well, I would have rather met on different circumstances.” Your father said, peering at you then directing his eyes back to his hand of cards. “To be frank, I’m not big on surprises.”

“I second that notion but, we’re here and it’s all thanks to young Y/N and her relationship with my son.” M’Bako said. His sarcasm was apparent to you but, no one else besides M’Baku picked up on it.

“But, really. I adore Y/N. She’s like the daughter I’ve always wanted.” Niyi said, looking over at you and winking.

You gave her a short smile before turning back to M’Baku.

“Y/N doesn’t tell us about how things are going with the whole becoming Chieftess process.” Your mother said.

“Oh? Y/N is doing well.” Niyi said, helping your mother move a pot from the stove.

“For a simple gardener.” M’Bako chimed in as he placed a pair of cards down.

M’Baku’s jaw tightened but, you put a hand on his bicep as you watched your father’s head rise. “Excuse me? A simple gardener?”

“Bongani, forgive my husband. The role of Chieftess in past generations was either given to a daughter or girl born into the leading family or a woman coming from a prominent or close family to that of the Chief. This is the first time in recent history that the role of Chieftess would be given to someone outside that class.” Niyi corrected first glaring at M’Bako and looking back to your father.

Your father had his eyes squinted as his fingers tapped on the table. “In all honesty, Y/N does better than I thought she would have. Council has very much enjoyed her company at meetings. She’s not a silent partner which I appreciate and is a great virtue for a Chieftess. Niyi was silent at first.”

“I didn’t remain that way though. Hanuman knows you’ve caught my mouth more times than you would have wished.” Niyi said in a dark tone. M’Bako cut his eyes at her, jaw locked. There was a sudden slap on the table as Odunayo put his hand of cards on the table making every looked in the direction with the two guards becoming promptly alert.

“I win!” he said. His smile broke the tension in the room with your father throwing his cards on the table.

“How? You cheat! I know you do!” your father scolded.

“Dinner is almost ready.” Your mother called from the kitchen. “Y/N and M’Baku, could you set the dining table in the other room please?”

“I can help.” Monife said, standing up from behind Odunayo.

“No.” you and M’Baku said in unison. Everyone looked at you with cocked eyebrows and hiding chuckles.

“We got it.” You said, pulling M’Baku along. You went into the larger dining room of your home. You adjusted the tablecloth before going to the cabinet for the plates.

“Usana,” M’Baku started. “It’s going to be fine.”

“If he keeps on like this or makes a snide remark, I’m not responsible for what my Baba does.” You said, whipping around.

“Relax. I’ll stop him before he gets to that point.” M’Baku said. “I’m not letting him do that you again. Or even your family.”

“I’m serious, M’Baku.” You said. “I don’t give a shit what his deal is with me or what his affliction is with you! He doesn’t do this with family.”

“Relax.” M’Baku said, rushing to you feeling your anger come off in waves. “It won’t come to that. I won’t let that happen again.” M’Baku pulled you into his chest, rubbing your back. You took deep breaths and settled. Both you and M’Baku took a sigh.

You pulled away but, kept your hands in M’Baku’s. “We just have to make it through tonight.”

“Let’s get the table set so we can get this over with.” You said. You and M’Baku got the entire table set and the double doors open. Niyi and Feyisola brought the dishes to the table. Your father sat at the head of the table and permitted M’Bako to do the same at the other end. Niyi sat next to your mother with Monife on your mother’s left, closer to your father. On the left side of the table, Odunayo was closer to your father with you in the middle and M’Baku and the end close to the Chief. The tension was thin for the moment but, M’Baku kept a hand on your thigh to ease you.

“The food is great, Feyisola.” Niyi said.

“Thank you.” Your mother giggled.

“Is Young Y/N as good as a cook as you?” M’Bako asked. “I’d hate for M’Baku to go hungry.” You smacked your lips but your father spoke up first.

“Why do you call her young? Where is that coming from?” Your father said in an irritated voice.

“I’m sorry. Y/N is younger than M’Baku.” He said. “It’s not meant to be demeaning. Just something I call her. Just something funny I thought since M’Baku would be more mature and he went for someone who he’d be a senior to. You don’t take offense to it, Y/N?”

M’Baku’s jaw locked as he cut his eyes over to the Chief but, he calmed himself, turning to you. You looked up from your plate and gave a slick smile. “No.” M’Baku’s thumb rubbed your thigh.

“I must say, I guess it was a shock to all of us that they were a match.” Your father said.

“Hanuman has a funny way of doing things.” Niyi said. “I believe Y/N has bettered M’Baku. He is more determined and strives to be a better leader.”

“Y/N has changed also. She speaks up a lot more often. She isn’t as shy.” Monife said. “A little bit more moody but, vocal nonetheless.”

“Moody? Ah, yes. M’Baku has been a bit emotional since meeting your daughter.” M’Bako said.

“Rather emotional than cold and heartless.” M’Baku whispered.

“I’m sorry?” M’Bako said, cocking his eyebrow.

“You heard me.” M’Baku said.

“Um,” Odunayo spoke up. “Y/N are you still working in the gardens or did you give that up to focus on Chieftess?”

“Yes, I technically had to quit.” You said.

“The way you spoke so passionately about it, I would have thought you’d try to stay for a bit longer.” Your mother said.

“Becoming Chieftess is an extensive process, Feyisola. Your daughter has big shoes to fill and so little time to do it. Thankfully, the effort she has put in will allow her to be a council member by the time M’Baku is inaugurated.” Niyi said.

“When would she exactly be crowned Chieftess, officially?” Your father asked.

“Well, M’Baku still has a little over a month.” M’Bako said. “Should she complete all tasks, she will have the official title. If not, she’ll receive it when all is done.”

“We weren’t sure of the extent of this.” Your mother said.

“The role of Chieftess is a whole ordeal. Not a hobby. Once Y/N made the commitment, it was just that. A commitment.” M’Bako said. “Y/N has shown great effort and interest in it. Much more than M’Baku’s former betrothed, I should add. She has put her best foot forward and truth be told, I’m amazed by her.”

You looked up from your plate and looked at him. M’Baku had dropped his fork on the plate and sat back into the chair, shocked himself.

“Amazed?” Feyisola asked.

“Yes, amazed.” M’Bako said. “Truth be told, I doubted Y/N. I doubted M’Baku so that warranted I doubt her. That wasn’t fair to M’Baku and it wasn’t fair to your daughter. I said some nasty things to her which was childish and uncalled for. My frustrations of…certain situations should not have been directed towards her. For that, I apologize.”

M’Baku’s eyebrows lifted. You sat there, watching him. There was no venom in his eyes, no malice in his voice. You never heard him be sincere, so this was hard to fathom. He locked eyes with you but, you wouldn’t show softness. You kept them hard, not blinking even though your eyes burned.

“My behavior towards you has been unacceptable. I am sorry. I also realize I never fully endorsed you as Chieftess and I will correct that.” He said.

“She would have been Chieftess regardless.” M’Baku spoke up.

“Even still, we should do this properly.” M’Bako said, shrugging. “You claim that she is your soulmate so…”

“Not claim. She is. I love her with every fiber of my being. I’d move the mountains themselves for her. Y/N is everything to me. She is the best part of my life and every moment I spend with her, I cherish. I’d give her the breath out of my lungs, the blood from my veins, the bones from my limbs. This is no small thing and I’m done with you trying to downplay and diminish our relationship and my feelings for her. You may not believe in Hanuman and the wonders of love anymore and for that I pity you but, I refuse to allow your beliefs to hinder our relationship. This is Hanuman’s will and by his name, when the time is right, she will be my wife. I want you and everyone at this table to know this is real. This is happening no matter who protests. This love will last as long as the mountains stand, maybe even after. Hanuman brought us together and no one will tear us apart.” M’Baku said. He grabbed your hand and looked at you. There was this fire in his eyes that you hadn’t seen before. It wasn’t anger. You didn’t feel hot in the face, you didn’t feel the urge to attack or have any violent reaction. You wanted to forget your families were here and embrace each other at this table. Be in each other’s arms and in a kiss so deep neither of you would make it out. Passion. Pure passion. “This is forever.”

You walked into the dining room, putting the wood plates on the table so your sister could finish polishing them. She smirked at you. “So?”

“So, what?” you asked.

Monife started to laugh. “Nothing.”

“No, what? What is it?” you whined.

“It’s just so sweet. It’s so beautiful. Even Odunayo had trouble making his feelings plain for me in front of Baba.” Monife said. “I know he loves you, we all do. But, watching that…it was surreal.”

You fought the smile that wanted to come across your lips. You walked back into the main room to see M’Baku outside on the porch talking to your father and the Chief. Niyi stood alongside you, wrapping an arm around you. “The Chief doesn’t usually apologize for his wrongdoings. I hate to say to consider that a blessing but…”

“I’ll take it.” You sighed.

“Y/N, you really are great for M’Baku. I’m so happy he found you.” Niyi said, cupping your face.

“We like to say we found each other.” You giggled. She planted a kiss on your forehead before going back to help your mother to finish cleaning.

M’Baku opened the door and let your father and his in. “Well, I thank you all for the lovely dinner. Niyi, we should get going.”

“M’Baku, are you coming with us or will you be home late?” Niyi asked, wiping off the last plate.

M’Baku turned to you and saw that you held out your hand. He smiled, taking it. “Late. If Bongani permits me to stay.” He said, not breaking his gaze from you.

“That’s fine. Bedroom door stays open though.” Your father said, earning a laugh from Odunayo in the corner.

“Don’t be too late.” Niyi said grabbing her cover and wrapping it over her shoulders. Your father held the door and walked them out. M’Baku gave you a smirk as you lead him to the stairs.

“Bedroom door!” Feyisola yelled after you.

You made it to your bedroom where you sat on the bed. He leaned down and gave you a passionate kiss. He pulled away and chuckled. “I love you.”

“Oh, I know that after tonight.” You laughed. “The things you said…”

“I meant every word.” He said.

“I felt it.” You said. “I felt every bit of it. This is really is real.”

“It’s the realest thing I’ve ever felt.” M’Baku said.

“I think you may have even scared my father with the way you were talking about me.” You laughed. “Maybe the whole table.”

M’Baku laughed. “Well, everyone including the Chief knows how serious this is.”

“Why do I feel like this is a victory?” You said.

“Because it is.”

M’Baku returned to the palace late that night but, went to Niyi’s room instead of straight to his. He knocked on the door, hoping she would be awake. He stepped back and fiddled with his hands. He shouldn’t be nervous to have this conversation. His head shot up as a faint light peeked through the opening crack of the door.

“M’Baku?” Niyi groaned. “What’s wrong?” She pulled her hair wrap more over her cornrows as it slacked.

“I need advice, I’m sorry.” He said.

“Don’t be. Come in, son.” She said letting him in. M’Baku sat on the small couch in the center of the room almost making the tea set on the coffee table bounce. Niyi glided over and sat on the coffee table, wiping the sleep from her eyes. “What did you need advice on?”

“The Chieftess’s ring you gave me. The one that was meant for Jolasun.” He started.

“Yes.” She said, resting her chin on the palms of her hands.

“When do you think I should give it to Y/N?” M’Baku said.

“Wait…you haven’t given it to her yet? Why haven’t I noticed? Why don’t you give it to her?” Niyi said, patting her braids.

“I don’t want to scare her.” He said.

“M’Baku, it’s been the tradition that the future Chieftess have the ring. Why would that scare her? She’s done well in her abilities.” She said.

“So, it’s not like an engagement ring?” he said.

“No, not necessarily. If you don’t want it to be an engagement ring, then don’t let it be. The history of the ring was that it was token given to the betrothed of the Chief as a may of the public knowing that the woman was to be Chieftess or married to the Chief. Even unwed Chieftesses in the past wore it. Your great great great grandmother wore the ring before she even married and ruled without a husband for 10 years.” Niyi said, waving her hand.

“So…should I explain it as just like heirloom?” M’Baku said, shrugging.

“Yes, exactly. It is an heirloom! But, make it more ceremonious than that. It doesn’t have to be a public ordeal where you yell to a crowd that you are putting the ring on her finger. It can be as intimate as you want to make it or not.” Niyi said.

M’Baku sighed and sat back on the couch. “Okay, okay.”

“M’Baku, stop overthinking things. You and Y/N will be fine. You made that big display at the table tonight and you are fretting over a ring, please. I’m sure she will accept the ring. If becoming Chieftess didn’t scare her away, receiving an heirloom won’t. Why are you worried about this? Do you want to propose to her?” Niyi said.

“No, I…I love her and I know I have forever with her but…” M’Baku started.

“Don’t rush this. You have forever so my advice…take forever if you want. She is still going to be Chieftess. She is still going to be happy with you and you with her.” Niyi said. “Do you feel in a rush to marry her? Do you think becoming Chief will hinder your relationship?”

“I’m not sure. And I hope it won’t. I asked her if she would take part of my closet. Just to see if she would spend nights here.” He said.

“And her response?” Niyi said.

“It seemed like she was going to say no at first. She said she would think about it though.” M’Baku sighed.

“Then let her think about it. If she says yes, it’s yes and she keeps a few items here. If no, she’ll be the Chieftess who has to trek here every day. Let whatever it is going to be, let it be.” Niyi said. “Hanuman has blessed you. He gave you the love of your life. Don’t force things. What is for you both will happen.”

“Okay.” He sighed.

“Son…relax. You have no reason to rush to do things.” Niyi said.

M’Baku nodded, silently settling with the idea. “Thank you.” He said, standing up. M’Baku stood up and hugged Niyi. Niyi was actually surprised by it but, welcomed it by patting his back.

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