#I just feel kind of silly
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More randy, surprise surprise
That oneās a sticker, if you want
Under the cut is a close up of the big one :]
Reblogs appreciated!
I did a lot of details on this one, because I realized he had little lines on his jacket sleeves, I never saw them before
#leo's batshit art#I canāt stop drawing him#dialtown#randy jade#my friends have started making fun of me about him#unfortunately#erm#dialtown fanart#dialtown randy#randy dialtown#digital art#sticker#you can like#print them off if you want#I swear I do other things with my time#I just draw a lot and heās easy#because I do it all the time#I donāt have to defend myself here of course#I just feel kind of silly#but#reblog my art
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although i had so many good experiences through fandom twitter, and consider the balance of it all worth it in terms of what i got from the time, twitter itself was fundamentally not good for me, and also the habit of sharing too much about myself personally left me very emotionally vulnerable. that said, sometimes i long for it back just to be able to yell my silly little thoughts of the moment into the air.
#personal#tumblr posts don't really feel the same for me and also feel a bit more like speaking into a void i guess#i just feel kind of silly#for a long time i viewed āoh who caresā about any personal posts and i think twitter helped me overcome that#but the social media cycle wasn't me acting with kindness towards myself#and while i prefer being more private online now#i sort of worry people have switched from being attached to ao3 user ilgaksu the friendly accessible online person#to ao3 user ilgaksu the cryptid and mysterious persona#idk
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like mother, like son, but less wholesome this time?
(I couldn't decide whether or not to put them together, so have them in all the different ways!)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers#if i had a nickel for every time a draconia ob'd while trying to save lilia#and had to be taken out by a member of this one specific bloodline with sparkly celestial hair that a fairy blessed#et cetera and so on you know the rest#i mean we know it's going to end better this time but y'know. the parallels!#oh meleanor my beloved#of course...of course she ob'd...it makes sense...#everything about this whole situation just massively sucked for everyone huh#well at least silver's biodad felt guilty about killing her i guess#i dunno i'm just havin' some feelings about all of this#lilia had both the absolute worst and absolute best things about his life come out of all this#down the two great loves of his life and also his job and reputation and 200 years of his life and uhhhh kind of everything else honestly#up some kids though!#(also one of those kids is a baby dragon who is JUST the right size to put silly hats on)#they were worth it to him! or maybe they were worth not giving up? look i am DEEP in the blorbosauce right now#if you don't want to read emotional tags about lilia twistedwonderland then don't come to egophiliac.tumblr.com
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every time i want to be absolutely ruined, i just think about the fact that, despite being only five seasons, in-universe bbc's merlin spanned over a period of ten years.
ten years during which merlin dressed and undressed arthur every day. took care of his armour. stood and fastened the clasps when arthur was going out to battle. what imaginably could be more quietly intimate than that?
ten years during which merlin withstood being underestimated, withstood all that he had done for arthur being unacknowledged, just so he could stay by his side.
ten years during which the most powerful magical being in albion chose to stay by arthur's side as his manservant, and his friend. destiny be damned.
that utter devotion, loyalty to each other? arthur's reciprocated loyalty to and love for merlin despite the fact that, in his mind, he was just a human servant who hadn't saved his life nearly half as much as in reality?
I'M DEAD. BOWLED OVER. IN RUINS.
#like how come this silly little british comedy#with all its cardboard props and terrible cgi#is some of the most poetically tragic romance that's literally ever existed#AND THAT'S JUST IN CANON#THIS IS ALL CANON#arthur risks his life to save merlin's in the FOURTH EPISODE.#AGAINST HIS FATHER'S ORDERS#and merlin GUIDES HIM#DESPITE BEING IN A COMA#LIKE WHAT KIND OF#HOMOSEXUAL#yeah in conclusion i may grow and mature#but i will NEVER be over merlin#(i'm rereading and like the cycle of the year and it's reawakening feelings)#merlin#bbc merlin#merthur
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š Day 3.5 is now available! š
For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord ā and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game ā so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!
The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^
What's been added to the 3.5 version?
šŗ Streamer Mode!
I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.
Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh
This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!
āļø Custom Pronouns!
It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;
Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!
š Choose how others perceive you!
You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.
For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!
š Separate top and bottom genitalia!
You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3
Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!
I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;
I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao
š± Relationship Screen Overhaul!
You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!
Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!
I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;
It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)
š¤ Additional Scenes Update!
Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!
If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.
After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga
š¶ Updated BGM and SFX!
I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!
I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.
Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.
How to download and play the update?
(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!
Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)
Enjoy!!
#14 days with you#14dwy#š ā 14 days with queue.#š¤ ā updates.#š¤ ā spoilers.#I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately#Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To Itā¢ļø#(''it'' bein the grind šŖ It never stops lmao /silly)#OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'llā#āmake ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;)#However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing)#So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me fromā#ācontinuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue#āthis kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3#Aaaaaanways!! š®āšØ#My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folksā#āagain in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!!#This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v;#Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe#š¤ ā shut up sai.
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Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.
#Mouthwashing#blood#body horror#Emphasizing here that this is in reference to a media and character and not a cry for help on my end.#Mouthwashing is one of those games that tickles my brain and checks all the boxes for my niche interests -#-but it wasn't something that got the silly comic part in my cortex firing up. My analysis brain is eating well though!#What said...It is impossible for me to see this scene and not say out loud: āMe in the middle of my work day".#While there is a lot more going on with curly I personally resonated a lot with his struggles with burnout.#Burnout feels like mouthwash to me. That you keep rinsing out your mouth trying to get rid of the rotting smell#but it's just surface level solutions. The real cure requires something far more significant to actually make a difference.#The job 'is hard' and 'everyone struggles'. It's part of the process right? You're tired? Anxious? Depressed? Us too! Chin up!#Actually I resonated with a lot of things within Curly (this is a curly positive space - he's not perfect. He's just human).#One thing being his desire to see the good in people and believe in their potential.#Because here's the thing. Some people truly do just need someone in their corner who stands by them so they can grow and improve.#And some people will take advantage of your kindness. You focus so much on their humanity while you stop being a person to them.#The horrifically toxic relationship persists because Curly tries to see the bigger picture and believes in the good within.#Anyone who has lived through constantly trying to reframe the hurt as something else knows-#-just how many excuses your brain will make to avoid cognitive dissonance. It's human psychology.#Jimmy sucks so bad. But we the audience have the privilege of not having years of baggage associating him in our minds as 'friend'.
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Dog love š¤šŗš¤
I'm in love with Shiro and Kuro and I support the hc that they are both in love with Yuji (because they project Megs' feelings lol)
an addendum is that I'm putting my post-canon itfs hc where Megumi remains with the scars of Sukuna under the eyes. no reason in particular. I just really like this detail and wish I had seen megs with them š
š
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#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#fushiguro megumi#itafushi#itadori yuji#fushiita#yuji itadori#shiro and kuro#divine dogs#Totality is also here because I think he's cute even though his first appearance in the manga gave me chills#I feel like he would just be a very big dog and kind of silly since he inherited Shiro's powers (and personality).
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honestamente, no sƩ
to prevent confusions i'm giving credits of every fankid in order (starting with the tall one)
layden (fresh x ink fankid) by @/sugary-alienn dot (cross x ink fankid) by @/yo-honne abstract (reaper x ink fankid) by CATA-824 on wattpad gradient (error x ink fankid) by @/askcomboclub paper jam (error x ink fankid) by @/7goodangel palette (dream x ink fankid) by @/angeutblogo blueprint (swap x ink fankid) by @/pepper-mint aiden (zack x ink fankid) by ariscastleart
#y'know what ink said is a very popular audio in the spanish speaking community#quite similar to what i've seen about āgen alpha coversā or so#mostly bc it has some terms that are used there#you see. between you and i#i do think ink would be cringy as hell (in some way)#and i love him for that#i remember seeing a post on here of ink randomly saying āchat how do we feel about thisā#i absolutely adored it#ik it makes no sense for ink to say that kind of stuff just let me be happy(?#same thing with pj cus he doesn't know spanish but blehhh#zack sans is from an au called underfloor by makicute btw n n#i just love aiden's design so much to not including him here#even tho his creator deactivated her acc#and one last thing. i find it curious how i chose 5 out of 8 sillies who speak spanish unconsciously#(with this hc of characters speaking their creators' main language ofc)#like lmao i didn't even know most of these had spanish speaking owners like !!!#so cool#undertale#undertale au#utmv#ink sans#fresh x ink#crink#reaper x ink#errorink#drink ship#swap x ink#zack x ink#fluffy doodles#fluffy ink
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Average transformers g1 episode:
Megatron is attempting to black out the entire sky across a hundred mile radius and funnel all the sunlight into one, concentrated solar death ray to target a heavy duty solar panel he's having soundwave and the cassetticons build in order to convert it to energon. Then he plans to hit the autobot base with the death ray just for funsies. Starscream plans to push Megatron directly into the death ray, also just for funsies.
Optimus sends Wheeljack and Spike to deal with it, along with two bots you're pretty sure have not been in this show before this point, but you're kind of past asking how many of these fuckers were on the ark offscreen when it crashed. One of them has the worst fake Canadian accent you have ever heard, and the other's name sounds inexplicably dirty.
Starscream tries to get Megatron to stand in the spot he told Skywarp and Ramjet to direct the death ray, but is interrupted when Rumble asks why Starscream stuck him with extra work (a task Megatron assigned specifically to Starscream). This vexes Megatron. The autobots show up and try to figure out what the point of the blacked out sky is while Starscream attempts to talk his way out of it. Then the death ray goes off two feet away from Megatron, which only pisses him off further.
The Canadian bot yells "AH BINARY-BEAVERS!!" because the death ray caught him off guard and completely gives away the bots' position. Soundwave immediately fires on them. Gratuitous robot violence ensues. Spike is generally useless and tries chucking rocks at Rumble. Megatron is too busy trying to almost-murder Starscream to bother with the autobots and just lets Soundwave handle it.
Probably-an-innuendo-name-bot is luckily a flier and takes the chance to see what's blocking the sun now that their cover's blown anyway. He gets up there and the seekers are sticking tinfoil on the clouds to make the tops reflective. The writers are really just hoping you don't think too hard about it.
Skywarp starts firing on dirty-name and calls him a nerd. Dirty-name takes evasive action. Skywarp runs out of ammo and starts just chucking tin foil at him. Dirty-name calls him dumb and says his processor is made of spare toaster parts. Then he crash lands and canada-bot asks if dirty-name's wings are spare toaster parts as well. Wheeljack yells that they'll all be spare toaster parts if they don't focus on the decepticons. The death ray goes off again and barely misses the autobots. Wheeljack corrects himself to Melted spare toaster parts.
Dirty-name gives Wheeljack the rundown on the tinfoil clouds so he can figure out a way to get rid of them while Canada-bot fights Soundwave and the cassettes in the background. Spike is kind of helping too sort of almost. Those rocks hes chucking sure are damaging. Ravage gets straight up drop kicked. It cuts back to Wheeljack whipping up a good old fashioned Deviceā¢ļø.
Starscream flies up past the tinfoil barrier while Megatron shoots at him. All the holes he's shooting in the blackout barrier are just making more, slightly shittier death rays and the main one is losing concentration. One of them hits Megatron right in the optic and he keels over with an over the top screech. Starscream descends, breaking another hole in the tinfoil to see a golden opportunity.
"MEGATRON HAS BEEN BLINDED!!! I, STARSCREAM AM NOW YOUR LEADER!!!"
Wheeljack finishes his Deviceā¢ļø: A grenade that makes tinfoil entirely invisible, thus rendering the whole weapon unusable. The writers are hungover, please do not think about it too hard. Pretty please. Dirty-name doesn't know if he can throw it into one of the holes in the barrier on his own since he can't fly in robot mode and he cant throw in altmode. Spike offers to get on his back and throw it in for him if he can get close enough. And he's just SO good at throwing things. The other two agree he's their best shot, they're so happy spike is around, couldn't do it without him.
Starscream is hovering in the air as he gives his Decepticon Leader Acceptance Speech he's prepared for this very occasion, golden light streaming in from the him-shaped hole in the barrier. Dirty-name and spike zip past him and spike makes the best goddamn throw of his life. Before starscream can properly question the Fucking Audacity of these autobots interrupting him while he's trying to have a moment, the invisible explosion goes off that the animators are just happy they don't have to put that much effort into drawing. Starscream gets knocked out of the air and crashes directly onto Megatron. This vexes Megatron.
Sky's normal again. Don't worry that there's still tinfoil there, don't even fuckin worry about it dude. Spike and Dirty-name touch back down. Round of applause for spike for throwing super good. Wheeljack comments that he's just happy it blew up the way it was supposed to. Cue uncomfortably long laughing. Megatron manages to roll starscream off him and calls for a retreat.
Back at the decepticon base, Megatron has an eyepatch and is skulking. Starscream yaps about how it makes him look like a proper tyrant, brooding and battle scarred, and, dare he say, darkly handsome? This vexes Megatron.
#maccadam#transformers#g1#understand that every time i say 'this vexes megatron' you are meant to read it as [angry incoherent frank welker noises]#this is not a spike hate post i just think its very funny how they try really really hard to make him feel like an important teammate#and often kind of fail at it because hes still sort of Just Some Guy#megatron#starscream#skywarp#wheeljack#spike witwicky#soundwave#rumble#ramjet#optimus prime#though those two only really got mentions#ravage#g1 is a DEEPLY silly show#ive only seen about a dozen episodes of g1 but this is kinda the formula for nearly all of them so far#would not have it any other way
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#chikorita#bald#and WELCOME TO GEN 2!! feels like we only just started with the new blog theme and yet here we are in gen 2 already#i remember back when it was still front-facing pokĆ©monā it felt like it took FOREVER to get through a generation. but here we are#blitzing through gen 1. maybe it's just because i find a majority of gen 1 pokĆ©mon designs to be boring and uninteresting#so it flew by like that. but now we're starting to get into the guys i like#and this thing. well. this pokĆ©mon is divisiveā to say the least#i feel like it's a love-it-or-hate-it type design#folks either hate the bean-shaped head and how it has No snout and its face is all flat#or they love it and think it's adorable#i think it's cute. tbh. i used to not like it#but it's kind of a silly creature and i like that about it#i've come around to it in recent years. especially since i think bayleef and meganium have much nicer designs
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i donāt know man
#felix canāt help but laugh at how goofy his bf looks covered in road grime meanwhile turbo is having Awakenings#also i gave him ears because i feel SO bad for my last bald turbo post. IM SO SORRY FOR SHAVING YOUR EARS OFF POOKIE š#anyway . can someone take me out back and shoot me PLEEHEEHEEEEEASE#i actually wanted to add a third panel where turbo subconsciously hugs the trophy to felixās back kind of like heās making out with it too#but i just. ran out of steam. LMFAO#genius i knowā¦ some of my ideas be truly enlightened /silly#wir#turbo#fix it felix#hammertastic#fix it felix jr#giddlyās art#no id
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junimo sight
#stardew valley#stardew valley spoilers#sdv#sdv spoilers#grandpa#mister qi#mr. qi#ā¦im still thinking abt these two#ive decided qi has a ton of silly nicknames for the farmerās grandpa since. we dont know his actual name lol#like qi presumably knows his name but we dont. so he calls him stuff like āhotshotā and ācowboyā and āmustangā#stuff that is like way cooler than you would expect. the gangly beardy farmer to be called#but qi thinks heās cool so he calls him cool names. and because he canāt not flirt with him#and anyway. yeah i feel like peepaw could see junimos just like the farmer. maybe it runs in the family#my other stance is that qi in game can see junimos just fine but he couldnt always see them. that came with the immortality thing lol#and either way junimos are kind of deterred by him. they do not like his capitalist aura it freaks them out
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Tough And Sweet (Like You And Me) ā”
'Gale looks unfairly handsome in the soft golden light of the late evening, but even more unfair is the fact that John canāt just bridge the gap between them and kiss his feelings away. The more time he spends around Gale, the more it feels like heās being consumed by his overwhelming infatuation, and thereās not a single thing he can do about it that doesnāt involve the risk of scaring the man out of his life.
So he shuts the truck door behind him after promising Gale heāll text when heās safe inside, and he tries not to stare too forlornly as the truck putters off down the street and rounds the corner.'
[ AO3 ]
#tough and sweet fic#clegan#so nervous to post this!! been wanting to make this edit since i started this fic and finallllyyy did. i hope it does the boys justice <3#johnslittlespoon edits#buckbucky#feeling so sappy tn over them and how much love i've been so lucky to be shown for this silly little fic that has now taken over my life#i rly am so lucky sooo so lucky i think ab it sm i know it's just fanfic but!!#to have smth that feels so vulnerable to share be accepted with such open arms has truly been healing to me#i'm so very thankful <33 will never take it for granted#dedicated to c and ali for making me giggle and for motivating me endlessly w their kind words <33 sobs#okay gonna go hide back in ch7 doc and/or sleep now so i don't have to perceive being perceived
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when you just finished fkng on top of a grave, but you have feelings you gotta sort out (they're just nekkie, but since I dont know the state of tmblr cens0rship - and I had drawings flagged where people were fully dressed before) you get the white halo of doom - but you can see the full pages on my twitter!! I drew some nice butts so pls check them out :3c)
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 astarion#bg3 spoilers#khael tav#disegna e bevi#khael was this close to let astarion ascend because he was in a Not So Good Place at that point#the shadowlands fucked him up then orin killed yenna and at that point he couldve just let it all go#he only dnd bc he got scared of the kind of person that would made him#I have so many feelings about my baby boy and I cant put them all in these tags I realize jdsjfjsd#I just wanted to play a silly himbo barbarian#otp: Warding Bond
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halloweewee
#redraw of an older drawing#:3c#xiaoven#genshin impact#fanart#my art#i was feeling kind of nostalgic#wasn't thinking about colors or anything#just drawing my two favorite sillies
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Astarion and Agency- The Necessity of Discomfort to Self Discovery and the Infantilization of Victims
Minor Astarion discourse ahead that mentions the treatment of SA victims post-abuse:
I want to open this post up just with like. The statement that I don't think there is a correct way to enjoy media and that I LOVE to see individual head cannons and takes on characters in media. I think that is also, to a degree, an integral part of video games because of how unique the experience of playing a game will be to every person who plays it. But it has been making me feel so incredibly sad looking through fan content, art, or discourse for BG3 specifically because of how many people have taken the route of infantilizing Astarion.
I understand the instinct to shield or protect an individual that you love and care for. I also understand that because of the nature of the things that Astarion goes through, a lot of people also feel very deep emotional stakes in him. I'm one of the many fans of the character who is a victim of SA and CSA, I really do get it. That is also why for me personally it is so demoralizing to watch so many people treat him like he is a child who cannot make his own decisions or stand up for himself. Part of that frustration stems from it feeling like a media literacy issue, and the other part of that sense of defeat is just because it feels indicative of a broader attitude that people seem to hold towards victims of abuse, particularly those who are victims of SA.
To explain what I mean by people infantilizing him: I see so many people refuse to allow him the opportunity to be hurt, or to feel uncomfortable. They see this character who has been through an immensely horrible and traumatic experience, and their instinct is to try and shield him from anything else that has the potential to upset him. I get that the people who want that aren't doing it with malicious intent, but frankly it is not really...Helpful? To try and prevent victims from Experiencing Discomfort tm. I also think it kind of disregards the entire thesis of Astarion's character and arc.
When you go through something that robs you of your selfhood and agency, the world can become a crushingly terrifying place. In Astarion, that fear presents itself in a desperation for power, control, and at the core of both of these desires- Safety. One thing the game is clear about is that he has a right to kill his abuser. He has a right to escape his situation. A lot of Astarion's personal arc is centered around being able to finally do that. But the game doesn't just leave it off at getting him to safety. So much of it is also about him needing to take responsibility for himself and his actions, with needing to learn who he as a person is.
The inclusion of the Gur children and Sebastian as characters is a good example of ways in which the game gives Astarion the opportunity to take responsibility. I think that if the intention of the arc was meant to be that "Astarion should never ever have to deal with being afraid or uncomfortable again", then the Ascended arc wouldn't Come with such heavy moral ramifications, like sacrificing the other people just like him, killing the victims he lured in, literal child murder. The game infers that he doesn't deserve to die because of the things he Needed to do to survive, but it also makes it very clear that there is a difference between addressing an Active Threat and using your fear as an excuse to hurt others. Breaking that cycle of abuse when he finally gets the chance to is what separates Spawn Astarion from Cazador.
Taking responsibility for himself, and letting himself sit in the discomfort of vulnerability ultimately ends up being a thing that he is very proud of and cherishes. If you tell him you will make sure nothing like that ever again he himself says that he doesn't want you to be his protector. And so it blows my mind when people go into all of these discussions about Astarion with this...Weird moral high ground for never, ever making or letting him make choices that might hurt him?
I see this the most when it comes to discussions about the possible polyamorous relationship with Halsin and the interaction with the drow twins in the brothel. So many people are just...outright angry? At other people engaging with either of those options? And I feel like that anger is one) rooted in the projection of their Own feelings on non-monogamy and what a victim of SA can or cannot look like. and two) Relies on undermining the agency that Astarion BEGS you for at every turn.
When it comes to the drow twins, the game adapts Astarion's response to them based on where he is in his own personal development (a really cool thing imo). Obviously, if he still doesn't feel good or safe about engaging with sex he declines and says you can feel free, though he hopes you aren't just doing it because he hasn't had sex with you. I think this makes sense: He's just gotten out of a situation where his Safety and worth were directly tied to him having sex. I imagine he feels afraid that not wanting to have sex with you makes him replaceable or inadequate because at this point in the game, he feels like that's all he has to offer. The interaction is relatively the same if you ask him for a poly amorous relationship with Halsin: He just asks you to reassure him that you aren't only doing it because he hasn't had sex with you, and then tells you he isn't worried about it otherwise.
A lot of people have taken the expression of that insecurity in combination with him still allowing you to go forward and do these things as him just "sucking it up" because he's afraid of losing you. (I am aware Shadowheart says he wouldn't be able to handle it when you ask her if you can date both of them- But keep in mind, Astarion says she wouldn't be able to either, and THAT obviously isn't true of her. For the purposes of this discussion I'm only including interactions with Astarion as a judgement of his character.) I understand that concern, but I feel this take disregards so many other points of dialogue, and is also continually rooted in the baseline vilification of discomfort.
To further go into it, the way that he speaks about both of these interactions changes significantly if you speak to him about it once he is completely free from Cazador, and has had time to allow himself to start reconnecting with himself and his sexuality on his terms. He has absolutely No reservations about an open or poly relationship with Halsin, and says he trusts that things will be ok because he one) feels secure in Your relationship and two) Knows Halsin is experienced and trusts him to not be a messy bitch about it.
I think that shift, in combination with the in game explanation of why he isn't ok with being in that sort of relationship with the other Origin Characters (for Lae'zel and Wyll, he says they'd never agree to that. For Shadowheart, he says she's not experienced with open relationships and that he doesn't think it'd work out. For Karlach, that it would break her heart. And for Gale, he says you need standards.) is a pretty good indicator that he doesn't actually care about polyamory or monogamy. I think the vilification of that choice relies on you picking and choosing when you do or do not believe Astarion or just outright not liking non-monogamy in the first place. This interaction has more to do with the player's choice and comfort level, and so is not as important to the broader discussion I am trying to have in this post.
The interaction that is more pertinent to not Allowing him to make decisions is, I think, the drow twins. If you interact with the drow twins after the completion of the Cazador questline, he is outright giddy at the prospect of interacting with the Drow twins. Specifically stating that he is excited to see how he likes these sorts of things now that he's free.
NOW- I do NOT think that he enjoys the act. The game makes that abundantly clear, and I'm not arguing that he has a great time. He obviously does not, and dissociates during it. That being said, allowing this interaction to happen does not make a player evil or selfish. You are not playing the hero if you decide to moderate his choices just because you do not think he is ready for it. Once again, no one is evil for Not doing it either, and I am not saying anybody has to want to. I am just saying that treating this choice like it is an evil choice to make relies on completely disregarding what He wants to do.
Astarion says so many times in the game that he is anxious about finally having the freedom to find out what he wants to do, and I think that his excitement for the drow twin exchange is one of the opportunities the game gives him to make a choice. He makes that choice- And it sucks for him. He doesn't enjoy the act, and having done it he would be able to move forward knowing that. I think it's really cool and important that the game represents that facet of recovering as a victim. While you are trying to renavigate who you are, you are going to make a million new choices you never had before. And sometimes those choices are going to suck ass. It would be a different matter if he knew these things would hurt him and went ahead and did them anyway. But so many people expect him to move forward avoiding even the Potential of being hurt, and I think that is extremely reductive of his arc and who he is.
Beyond the matter of interpersonal relationships, the choice between Ascending or not Ascending Astarion is not a matter of choosing the lesser of two evils. It is a choice between his fear and his humanity. Between letting his trauma and his fear define him for the rest of his immortal life, and allowing him the vulnerability of deciding who he is when he isn't running from the world. When he's willing to listen to the parts of himself that want to do right, that wants meaningful connection, that wants to be proud of himself. That wants to meet himself. To confront who he is when someone else isn't deciding that for him.
Astarion as a character is extremely ambitious, inquisitive, and adventurous, three traits that only become more and more evident as he breaks free from letting his own fear dictate how he lives his life. I don't understand how so many people can see him and want to take the core of his character away from him, when he spends the entire game fighting desperately to take it back.
Victims are not casts of the abuse they have gone through. Their shapes may be changed by the hands of others, they may have to relearn how to be the person they want to be. But they are not broken or irreparable or fragile. They do not need to be freed from the grip of one person to be held tight in the grip of another. It is so fucking unfair and self-important to think that your hands will be the ones that fix them. That your hands know better than theirs. I think the kindest thing you can do for a person is to trust them with themselves, and to listen when they tell you who they are and what they want. Please listen to the voices that have only just learned to speak. It is the only way they can get better at doing it.
#astarion#astarion bg3#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion ancunin#I know this is kind of overdramatic#but like pls pls pls pls#ask yourself why you feel the need to protect victims from the experience of growth#and then consider if that attitude is a fair or helpful one#because freedom includes the right to make choices. even stupid painful ones.#that being said this essay is more for people who played the game exclusively making choices they thought would make astarion comfortable#like ascending him or not participating in polyamory#this essay is NOT for people who just ascended him for dom dialogue with him#bc I think it is a bit silly to tell people who wanted a toxic make him worse dynamic#that they are enabiling toxicity and making him worse#this is just an alternative pov for people who genuinely think it is for the best to do these things
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