#I have some of this stuff but am getting rid of it
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Hi!! This is for all my Russian/Slavic bitches ᕙ(͡°‿͡°)ᕗ
(English is not my first language! There may be grammatical or/and punctuation mistakes)
★ Logan finds some of your habits a little... strange.
★ Like the way you sometimes fake spit three times over your left shoulder and knock on something wood three times.
"... and like, if I ever get cancer... ugh." Rolling your eyes, you knock on the wooden table leg, spitting and saying "Не дай Бог". (God forbid)
"What was that for?"
You meet his gaze as he arches an eyebrow in bewilderment, waiting for your clarification.
"Oh, well, you know. It's to make sure nothing bad happens. It's an omen thing."
★ Omens. Yeah, you mention them a lot. Like the time Logan walked past you whistling, and you almost unconsciously barked at him something like, "Не свисти — денег не будет."¹ Or the time he ate a slice of apple off the tip of a knife.
"Не ешь с ножа — злым будешь."²
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Don't mind it. Just a habit." you explained, leaving the poor bewildered Canadian in the kitchen.
★ The only thing worse is your "domovoy". If Logan loses anything, the first thing he'll hear from you is, "Домовой, домовой. Поиграй да отдай."³ And he chuckles, shaking his head. As if some domovoy is gonna help him find the keys he put somewhere... Oh, they there are.
★ If someone drops a spoon? "К гостям." (To guests)⁴ If by chance a dish is broken? "На удачу." (For good luck). If a nasty bird poops on his favorite jacket? Turns out it's a good thing too.⁵
"Are all Russians superstitious, or are you just the way I am?"
"I'm not superstitious."
He's lost for a moment.
"Then what's the point of all this your things?"
"It's always like that. The least superstitious people follow superstitions."
"Yeah, tell me you don't believe in God with all your 'God forbid' stuff."
"I'm an atheist, Logan."
★ You got him. Now he doesn't understand you at all, and you're smiling and giggling, almost like you're mocking him.
(Masterlist)
A little explanation from me!! Yes, more often the most unbelievers and the least superstitious follow superstitions. Why? Because of upbringing. People grow up surrounded by northern relatives, adopt their habits, and then, when they have already formed their worldview, can not get rid of northern habits (I'm like this) ヽ('ω')ノ
1) The phrase "Don't whistle - you won't have any money." was often said in Rus' to an idler. Because it was believed that a person busy with work would simply have no time for such silly activities. At some point, people who often whistled began to be called lazy.
2) "Don't eat with a knife, you'll be evil." Like, those who eat from a knife become sharp, jealous and aggressive. There is also a version that a knife "cuts the mind" — by eating with a knife, one can become stupid, lose knowledge.
3) Domovoy — in Slavic peoples home spirit, mythological master and patron of the house, ensuring the normal life of the family, fertility, health of people and animals. Sometimes, when a thing is lost somewhere in the house, they say, "Балуется домовой." (Domovoy is playing around.) And for him to return the thing, they say, "Domovoy, Domovoy. Play with it and give it back."
4) If you dropped a dessert spoon, expect to meet uninvited guests who will come to your house with a small child. And if you let a tablespoon out of your hands, acquaintances, friends or work colleagues will come to your house in the near future.
5) Bird feces on the shoulder is usually considered a symbol of protection from a guardian angel or spirit. It is seen as a sign that you are being watched over and protected from all evil.
#x men#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#logan x reader#wolverine#wolverine x reader#hugh jackman#hugh jackman x reader#headcanon
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I hope you don't mind me sending this ask, feel free to ignore it, but I am trying and failing to understand your point about (trans-)misandry.
In my understanding, "misogyny" is a name given to a collection of negative attitudes and prejudices towards women (and femininity). It plays a role in the structural oppression of women, but it is not synonymous with it. Accordingly, "misandry" just denotes a collection of negative attitudes and prejudices towards men. Misandry does not play a role in structural oppression, because men are not structurally oppressed as men, but claiming that negative attitudes and prejudices towards men do not exist just seems silly to me. Just because misandrists are not a huge societal force does not mean they don't exist.
I think it is quite useful for thinking clearly about the matter to keep the words for attitudes and prejudices separate from the words for power structures: Even if tomorrow, every man on earth stopped being misogynistic, women would still be structurally oppressed, because the laws and social structures and unequal distribution of resources would continue to exist. Likewise, if we ever do get rid of the structural oppression of women, some men will probably continue to be misogynistic.
"Transmisogyny" as I understand it also started out as a word for specific negative attitudes and prejudices towards trans women (and in the original conception also towards feminine boys and men and drag queens and transvestites afaik), so using "transmisandry" (or "transandrophobia", already a concession) to mean certain attitudes and prejudices seems uncontroversial to me. The attitudes and prejudices on display in "Irreversible Damage" do seem to me to be rather distinct from the attitudes and prejudices targeting trans women, so it is useful to have a word for them, no? I find it quite fascinating how typical misogynist attitudes are in a way split up on the issue of trans people: The infantilisation is reserved for trans men and the demonisation for trans women, while in traditional misogyny these two go hand in hand. Why are you against using the words "transmisogyny" and "transandrophobia" to talk about this phenomenon?
hey, I appreciate you reaching open a discussion about this. also apologies for the delay, today was a little busy lol. typing on my phone rn so bullet points:
I am obviously not the Keeper Of Language (as much as I would love to be), but in my opinion one reason "misandry" is not a useful word is because of the implied false symmetry to "misogyny". you correctly recognize that one is underpinned by structural opinion and the other is not... but many people do not, lol. and a personal/professional axe that I've been grinding for a while is about reducing ambiguity in the way we talk about stuff, like generally speaking, so I'm of the opinion that "this word means different things to different people and causes a lot of confusion" is a solid reason to avoid using it when possible.
similarly, I think the fact that misogyny is a structural oppression and a major societal force is what makes having a specific word for it so useful. there are a lot of types of non-structural prejudice that basically boil down to Sometimes People Are Sometimes Mean To You, but we don't have a particular word that means "the thing where people are mean to redheads" or "the thing where people are mean to theater kids." maybe that'll change, but as it currently stands I just don't think having a single word for these things is useful or necessary, hence why there isn't one.
to your hypothetical about "if structural misogyny 100% ceased to exist but sometimes individual men were still mean to individual women," maybe not everyone would agree with me on this, but I kinda think that "misogyny" would no longer be the right word for the situation. like if someone with an innie belly button was mean to a person with an outie belly button, we'd just call that "being an asshole," ya know.
also part of me is curious about the origin of the word "misandry" now and like, whether the first people to use it were the bona fide men's rights motherfuckers who think men are structurally oppressed. totally speculating though. further research required
(I was gonna say another thing about how a lot of negative prejudices and attitudes around men have roots in cissexism and to some extent misogyny, like the idea that men shouldn't do X because only women do X and if you're a man who does X that means you're basically a woman, which is bad, because women are bad. or just plain old biological essentialism. but I don't know if I'm articulating this well so take it with a grain of salt.)
re. "irreversible damage" and similar panic about "oh no our precious innocent daughters are turning into men," I would argue there's a couple reasons that "misandry" isn't the word for what's happening here. one is that these transphobic parents don't categorically hate men or think badly of men; they love and accept their cis sons. the other is that I'm reasonably confident that parents who are transphobic about their transmasc kids would not be ANY less hateful about "son" who came out as transfem. which is all to say, their problem isn't just about having a transmasc kid. their problem is about having a trans kid, period.
and that also ties into the "infantilizing vs demonization" thing, which a lot of people have pointed out basically comes down to... transmisogyny. there's an element of both cissexism and misogyny in the way transmasc people are cast as victims (because they're "really just girls," and girls are weak and easily influenced), AND an element of both cissexism and misogyny in the way transfem people are cast as predators! because what's happening here puts transfem people in a sort of limbo where they're not recognized as women, but not exactly recognized as men either: the accusation is that by virtue of their birth assignment, they can't truly be women (cissexism), but also that by eschewing maleness and seeking femininity they've become something "other," a failed man, who will always be marked by an unacceptable affinity for womanhood (misogyny).
the "predator" part of that is informed by a number of factors, including the way that people assume Being A Girl On Purpose must be a sex pervert thing because they think womanhood is inherently about sex and sexual availability (misogyny!), but I don't know if I can articulate it very well and I don't have any good quotes handy. if someone reading can explain it better or has a quote to throw in, please do!
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Joy Carpets "Inferno" pattern
#I have some of this stuff but am getting rid of it#looks way too pink in person#90s#bowling alley#skating rink#carpet
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like a regular bin, not even recycled or anything
#poll#okay so uh#dont read the tags ahead unless you care about my little vent#my mom got me a hoodie in December from shein#even tho i had two very similar hoodies already both from better brands#still fast fashion but not as fast#and one of them was modded by me#but the hoodie was fucking soft and comfy and good length so it quickly became my favourite hoodie#according to my mother tho after a month she started complaining that it's ugly.#it had those little balls idk what they're called but#1 i don't fucking care#2 they're removable#so anyway fot the past week or two shes been complaining every time i wore the hoodie and today she screamed at me and threw it in the trash#she also kicked me but thats unrelated#and like even if she bought me a new identical one that wouldn't help at all cause she still threw my stuff in the trasg#and bought from a company that goes against my values#and she keeps excusing it like “its cheaper”#im sorry but buying one good thing and wearing it too death is cheaper than buying a hundred things you throw away after less than 3 months#so fucking sick of this!!!!!!!!#i have more than enough clothes too and am currently trying to get rid of some#BUT NOT LIKE THAT WHAT THE FUCK#btw my vinted is dupiarz it's mostly stuff from 2017-2020 so not really trendy but maybe youd like something#the pnly clothing i dont bother repairing and just throw out is underwear#but i do fix socks because good socks are good socks
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This may be a stupid question but why do you like transformers? They look cool and I see people posting about them and get jealous but I don't know if I could really get into it myself... anything you would recommend starting with?
Not a stupid question! But certainly an interesting one!! Unsurprisingly, I ended up talking a lot.
I like Transformers for a lot of reasons! Partially because well... I like robots and mechanical things, and by association, mecha! But the reason I ended up getting sucked in past admiring the designs was because of the characters.
I'm a character and story driven person more than anything, so when I realised "oh my god Transformers is more than big robots battling it out" (still cool but not compelling to me) I knew I was doomed. Like yes, it IS about their 4 million year long war, but it's also about interpersonal relationships and revolution and morality (and the lack of), and also kind of going "what if this really fucked up thing happened? what then?" and a whole lot more.
I also really enjoy the way characters are portrayed differently across continuities, because sometimes you get really different interpretations of characters and I think it's fascinating and fun. (This should surprise no one, considering I also like UT AUs. like. Yeah. LOL. Of course.)
Honestly I was kinda feeling the same way you described up until... April? This year? (... Crazy. It has felt like WAY longer rhdjfhdjbfd) where TF kinda existed in my periphery but I was just like. Mild about it. I had some friends who liked it so it crossed my dash from time to time but I was kinda like. Meh??
But then I started reading a lot of Transformers fanfic because it had some specific tropes I wanted to read, and got sucked in because I was doing a lot of googling so that I knew what characters looked like. And then googling to find out what the fuck was up with characters (why does everyone write the weird blue helicopter like this? Oh... he's just... Like that. Okay. I love him.)
I also just... enjoy learning lore and worldbuilding facts and HO BOY. TRANSFORMERS HAS A LOT OF THAT. also fanon. I am learning new things constantly and its GREAT.
As for places to start...
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I mean, there's a pretty good movie that just came out ;]]!! TF One is genuinely a decent place to start imo. Other than that... I think I've actually answered this before actually ndhfjdhfkf but I'll answer again! I like talking. Evidently.
Depending on whether you like reading or watching stuff, you have a VARIETY of options:
Transformers IDW (2005)/IDW1 (Comic): LONG comic series. Really really really good though. IDW does... kind of require a reading guide though, and I have some linked in this post (under the cut!)
Some people recommend you start at the fan favorite series, More Than Meets The Eye (MTMTE), which follows a crew of mechs that is set after the end of the war. Fun adventures in space! Totally all fun and nothing bad happens ever. Personally I wanted to know about the war and so I read. everything else leading up to it first, but MTMTE is (somewhat) self contained especially for the earlier stuff, so I do think it's possible to start there if you want to!
Transformers Skybound (Comic): This is the current ongoing comic series, which probably makes it a good jumping on point, but it's also... very sad. And violent! With very little downtime. If you like that then bam go for it though. It's pretty good imo! It's a great intro to some of the characters. (Like Shockwave :])
Transformers Prime (TV Series): Fan favorite! I like it a lot and one day I'll get around to actually watching it I swear. I really love some of the characters in this... also I got really obsessed with Soundwave from this series and that's what spurred me to get into TF. Except I also NEEDED to find out what the fuck was up with MTMTE characters so I went and read IDW instead.
Transformers Earthspark, (but specifically the first season apparently): I don't... know what's going on with the second season and I've heard very mixed reviews of S3. Apparently S1 is good though! It's ALSO set after the war, which means you get Optimus and Megatron being besties which is fun whdjfbdjfbfk,, I haven't watched this one either but from what I do know of it, it's a decent jumping on point.
Transformers Cyberverse (TV Series): This one is aimed at a younger audience and so it has Short Episodes but it's still a pretty fun time! I'm... still only partway through season 2, and I've heard Seasons 3 and 4 are really good LMAO
Other notable options: The G1 Cartoon, Transformers IDW (2019)/IDW2 (reboot of IDW1, got cut short though :[...)
Alternatively you can also take the route I took and just read fanfic like a lunatic until you eventually cave and just go "FINE. I'LL GET INTO TRANSFORMERS." If that's the case, tell me so I can bumo up my schedule for making the fic rec list that I've been meaning to make anyway.
ALSO. Did I also mention that pretty much all the TV series can be found for free on Youtube? Because they are. Which is crazy to me but I'm certainly not complaining >:)!!
#inbox#anon#weirdly enough my Mecha Awakening was via a podcast LMAO#because i was also pretty mild on that before then (again. dont know why. i loved robots before that)#if you're wondering what series I HAVE watched because wow tjat sure is a lot of series i havent.#ive watched transformers animated. and also am steadily chugging thru TF Armada and also RID 2001 for some reason.#those are also fun but i dont consider them good starting points#anyway the other big reason is that like extreme size difference and robotfucking so like take that down.#also getting into stuff via reading fic is so funny because i really feel like every 5 seconds u just go 'WAIT THATS CANON? THATS A THING??
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there are many fics out there with the plot of "character finds written documentation of the Truth behind uchiha massacre," but i've never read one where it.... made sense why records were kept? or documentation was even made at all?? this is something you would never, ever want anyone to find. why have anything to find at all?
like i can see a scenario where detailed documentation on intel of the planned coup and subsequent moves by konoha to mitigate the situation exist. you'd want that to keep track of yourself, and to pass on in the case of change of command or looping in new people, and it might suddenly become relevant again years down the line even if you solve it. so i can see that sitting in a sealed box somewhere, or if it was destroyed, maybe something was missed somewhere
but i don't see why you'd have a piece of paper just like GUESS WHAT ITACHI WAS ACTING ON ORDERS sitting in the archives or in danzo's desk or something??? you don't write down secrets that bad
ways someone could solve the mystery via snooping in paperwork (non-exhaustive, obviously):
danzo DID keep documentation out of some weird arrogance about the matter, or because he personally wanted to make the coup public. i don't spend a lot of time thinking about danzo so i can't decide if this is IC or not, but at least it's a reason
hiruzen keeps documentation, either out of guilt/regret or because he knows he's getting replaced soon and he thinks his successor should know (or, fuck, he thinks future generations should know)
there's no documentation about the massacre itself, but someone gets their hands on that misplaced file about the coup and Makes Connections, or there's a little annotation about someone suggesting extreme force
there's FAKE documentation of itachi's mental health or something along those lines to help conceptualize the massacre with the cover story, and someone recognizes forgeries/why details don't add up
the complete lack of documentation is ITSELF the clue. like please give me a scene of a character finally breaking into the hokage's personal archives and all the files labeled for the uchiha massacre are literally filled with blank paper
#if absolutely NO ONE knew about the massacre i think the intel line had to be#like literally just shisui and itachi feeding stuff directly to hiruzen and danzo#MAYBE some other people got tasked with tracking uchiha movements but nothing that would make someone go#'holy shit this sure is Suspicious'#so another bullet point (i am not organized sorry): there's just a massive amount of#intel on the uchiha in general in like the sixth months leading up to the massacre#which ARE written reports for the sake of reviewing/analyzing#i imagine if danzo/hiruzen were smart about covering their asses they'd get rid of these reports#but they'd probably be spread out and lower priority than other things they'd have to do#so maybe stuff was missed or a character realized this soon after the massacre
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Hrmm... Revising my game and I feel like there's still sooo much writing left to do, for something that probably won't even amount to much, so.. I do want to narrow my focus more (especially given my health problems seeming to get worse/less energy the past few years), but I'm not sure how would be best to...
I currently have 5 characters as the Main ones with full planned questlines and such, with each character having 6 quests you can do for them. But I haven't really started the writing for the 5th main character. So then I was thinking, if I were going to write 6 full quests worth of content anyway... is it better to allocate that time on just doing a Complete 6 Quests for ONE single character, OR would it be better to do something like.. choose THREE side characters and do 2 quests for each of them? So that people have a wider variety to interact with and sort of sample around (of course with the idea that, once the first version of the game is released, IF people actually care about it enough to make it worth the effort, I would then add additional content to complete those 3 characters stories as well)
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SO... If you were playing an interactive fiction sort of game centered around talking to & doing quests for a cast of characters (like there's no larger plot, more it's just about interacting with people, every character kind of has a self contained story, the focus is just learning about them and the world and exploring the area) --- Which would you rather have?
(and of course it would be stated up front which characters have only partial questlines, so people don't expect them to have full quests like the others and then get disappointed, or etc. etc.)
Basically, is it better to just focus in specifically on having one fully complete questline? Or for there to be a few stories that are not complete yet, but have more initial options available?
#I guess I just feel weird about investing too much into characters if possibly nobody will like them. so the idea of being able to sample#around a wider variety opens up the option of like 'hey even if neither of these 4 are your favorite - you have 3 other options soon too!'#or whatever. BUT I also am very anti-the trend of releasing half finished games or shit like that where people preorder and then#the game sucks on actual release and isn't fully playable or good until 5 updates later#HOWEVER.. those are giant companies with hundreds of employees and millions in funding. I feel like it's different for someone#if they're just like ''hey I am getting zero money for this and doing it entirely on my own in my free time and before I do like 50+ hours#of work on top of the 100+ hours of work that I already did - I would like maybe to at least see some proof#people are interested in this - so I'm releasing the game with like a small amount of the originally intended content removed#that I still have planned out and hope to add later and the game is still entirely done and completely functional#except for just a few quests I might add later.. sorry'' etc. etc. ??? like I think that's different. but maybe some people dont see#it that way and would still be like 'grrr.. how dare there be unfinished options..>:V" idk#And the nature of the quests is such that it's not weird to have it be partial like.. again.there's no major plot. it's not like the quests#are leading up to some dramatic thing and having them half done would make it feel like a cliffhanger. It's meant to be very casual just#chilling and doing little tasks and such. And last thing to clarify I guess - by 'side character' I don't mean taking some unimportant bac#ground character and forcing them to have quests. I mean like.. originally the game had 8 full characters and I thought that was#too much so I cut it down to 5. So I still had everything planned for all the side characters too. Id' just be like.. re-giving them#quests and focuses that were already planned from the beginning but that I got rid of.. former main characters banished to the side lol..#ANYWAY... hrmm... hard to decide... It's just so niche I think. I feel more and more like I should just get it to a 'proof#of concept' state and get it out there to interest check rather than invest in it soooo much for nothing. Because I really do not have the#tastes other people do or interact with games or have interest in things in the same way. A lot of the stuff that I love (slow. character#focused things with basicaly no action or plot where its' just about getting to explore a world and learn about#people in a casual low stakes setting but ALSO not romance) I think people find very boring so... lol...#This year as I try to pick the project back up again after abandoning it for like 3 years I keep looking at stuff and going.. ough...#yeah... cut this maybe.. I should cut that too.. I should make them a side character.. remove this.. blah blah..#Though I did ADD a journal and inventory system and other things that like People Expect Games To Have so.. maybe#that will count for something.. hey..you can collect items.. it's not just 'talking to elves for 600 hours simulator'.. are you#entertained yet? lol.... When I was making my other tiny game for that pet website and I gave it to the play testers and someone was like#''it should have achievements so I feel I'm working towards something concrete'' I was literally so blindsided like..??... people WANT that#in games..? is the goal not simply to wander aimlessly &fixate on world/character lore& make your own silly pointless personal goals? I did#do them though because it IS fun to make up little achievement names and such but.. i fear i am out of touch so bad lol..
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I was stressed but now i'm more chill and really sleepy...
#overall my mood has been better but i am so incredibly terrified of the future... its like....#like i feel as if someone has holding me at gun point and got told thst if i did any mistakes they would shoot#but then im not given clear instructions on what i need to do and i have to figure it out myself#i am really scared... even tho all of this gave me a new objective... i dont wanna be obsolete...#... so... that what we will work on... also... i wanna work towards my dreams...#I've been putting it off for so long i want to do it#people support me and actually enjoy my voice... i want to...#the things on my plate right now are things i can achieve... but i want more... i want things i actually want...#i want...#my house has a constant buzzing sound. i believe its because of the small power plant behind the lot. which makes it difficult for recording#since i have to get rid of that and that messes with the rest of the audio#its comforting to know it wasnt the mic tho... heh...#tomorrow lets try to take the first few steps... well more like lets try to continue with the set up#we have already a couple stuff but we still have a lot missing...#... today the girls said some stuff that impressed me... thats how im perceived?... is that what people think of me?#i kinda want to... fulfill those 'expectations'... they dont expect anything but its more of a me thing... ive been dreaming and hoping for#so long but i dont take the next step. i never do... and its because of the executive dysfunction... but... once i get the hang of it...#once i do... everything will be excellent... and we will take it easy#i am so tired already... i feel im gonan falla sleep#seari talks
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!!!! I think I FINALLY have my cut for the first three minutes of the animatic, complete with sound design!! Pretty happy with the extreme moodswing too, I think it's a good introduction to the story's potential extremes and I think I did a pretty okay job replicating a specific kind of vibes for one of the scenes.
Things I'm still unsure about:
whether or not I keep the red arrows as indicators of movement, because while I think it works without, the splash of color is always welcomed and might help, through sheer convention, forgive some of my sketching approximations that look more off otherwise (but I also kind of want to use red as a color related to Sheikah Vision/Lens of Truth shenanigans later so ????? I'm not sure. I could use more of a purple shade for Truth also, I have yet to decide)
whether or not cutting the extended intro I had storyboarded was a smart move or not. I like it better as being confusing and kind of messy I think? but I don't know if that's just my own mind or if it's too confusing for an audience that isn't me
god do I need voice acting? ;; things would be so incredibly easier without voice acting, but I cannot deny that even my crappy filler readings on my shitty webcam's mic do give a punch and a oomph to the scenes that we just don't quite get otherwise
#thoughts#animatic project#thralls of power#I've been moving forward a little slower than before but also I had less time#and it's the opening so I'm trying to make it tolerable#I am not sure I love the very first shot in that regard btw because it's a Building and I'm awful at architecture but#I'm also forcing myself to move forward and accept when a shot is kind of shitty#otherwise I'll never get anywhere#so!! we'll see#I can also make some last-minute adjustments if I truly feel like some stuff is too egregious at the very end#that's the plan anyway#also given I have gotten rid of the previous intro I have a stupid problem which is: where do I introduce the Main Theme#I have a Main Theme planned for the story and I really like it#but now it has lost the space it was meant to be introduced in#so I'm not too sure what to do about this
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also he was like we should still be friends and i was like okay but i don't want to talk to you for a while and he was like okay let me know when you're ready and then after like a week i felt fine about it and was like we should have a call to talk more about being friends and stuff and what that would look like and he was like i'm soooo busy.... maybe tomorrow.... and it's been like several days and he hasn't made any effort to contact me. okayyyy
#like i know you are busy but i kind of have a hard time believing that you are suddenly too busy to talk to me on the phone for 15 minutes#when up until now we called every single night.#idk it's just harder to be like. charitable with him about it. Like when I look back on our relationship i want to believe that he is not#the kind of guy who just doesn't care about me as soon as I'm no longer a part of his 5 year plan#but..... the evidence.#anyway i was also planning on addressing like giving back his stuff that i have but like#if he doesn't want to talk i guess his tool jacket is going to the thrift! and i'm keeping his amp forever idc!#i am a little sad about the frankenteddies. bc they were made out of eachother and like they are very much a set. the whole idea was that wr#could have something that's connected even if we're apart. and now it's like. something cute and sweet that i made that i'm proud of that i#will never get back. and does not hold its same meaning anymore because we broke up. and i don't really want his back anyway but i don't#want him to have it either. but i don't want him to get rid of it#and i don't want to get rid of mine but it feels weird having it knowing he probably still has his#i was thinking i might get some more stuffies and#add pieces to mine so that it's not so fully made of his. like something that will always have pieces of him but has pieces of others as#well. idk. kind of on the nose but yk. better than hiding it in a closet forever
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I am working on a character design exercise (dark fantasy au motley party of deposed king Bryan, last of the royal guard yuta, and disgruntled court magician/former assassin Nigel)
#I love character design#I spent some time earlier today looking at historical arms and armor#to pick stuff for Yuta bc in my head the betrayal happened when he was in full parade armor.#so now he’s wearing a mix of parade armor that he’s Loath to get rid of and cheaper non-descript stuff.#and a big club :)#Nigel’s gonna be big inspired by the mages of dragon age :)#Bryan I am going for a hermit/ascetic thing but have fewer ideas
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I made a boo oc!! I'll make more drawings to use them for when I start making "serious" YouTube videos :3
#mayodraws#dont really know what else to tag so#TIME FOR RAMBLING WOOHOO#im thinking of just getting rid of the name Mayo tbh#ive grown sick of it#honestly might just stick to my real name for everything atp#i use it for the entirety of discord now so 💀#i just feel like its not me if its not my actual name#its like its a separate identity of myself even if im the same person you know?#i like feeling that i am me even through a screen i am still me and not some offbrand representation of myself#so hey everyone my name is Hailey :3 feel free to call me that#soon enough ill change all my socials or the ones I actually use to be some form of 'Hailstorm' because it sounds cool imo#and its a nickname my sister gave me so it also means something special to me <3#should I have made a separate post for this? yes#is it too late? also yes#since im in a ramble session i may as well say more on my mind#im in a server for discord and i so badly have been trying to become friends with people there but holy shit even after like 2 months#i still cant gather courage to speak most of the time#hopefully ill open up more soon but man i need to just not be so shy 😭#are you having fun reading through the tags 💀💀#i would be surprised of anyone actually read all if them#if you did i hope you have a wonderful day 👍👍#also Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its Christmas totally#back onto the youtuve thing most of my videos are just shit like “toad screaming” or editing zelda cutscenes but at some point i want to#make scripted videos for nintendo related stuff#i already finished a script for ttyd and i know its not the best script but for being my first its good enough and ill learn along the way#okay im done yapping Happy St Patrick's Day
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got bitten by a tiny black insect while laying in bed and i am pretty sure it was some kind of ant but if i brought home fucking fleas from the clinic i might actually have to kill myself
#i smushed it before i thought to look closer but i THINK it was an ant#inspected my bed and the cat as best i could but he didn't like me poking at him like some kind of ape. what can i say#i just took a shower but i can't get rid of the feeling that something is crawling on me omg#we didn't have anything with fleas today to my knowledge but last week (? possibly a couple weeks ago) there were two cats with fleas#and i didn't touch them very much and tried to not let them touch my clothes and showered when i got home etc but i wasn't able to wash my#clothes right away because somebody elses stuff was in the washer.........#like i cannot afford flea extermination rn not to mention how mortifying it would be to have to go to my landlord/roommates like#heyyy i know i just moved in like two weeks ago but i brought home fleas from my job where i scrub dog and cat shit all day.........#☠️☠️☠️☠️ am i cursed#me
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okay nm i took half an adderall, put on my fluffy black bathrobe, switched the music to goth and new wave bops and now the world is full of beautiful possibility again
#m#still slightly insane. because the moisturizer is not found#and because i am facing the mortifying ordeal of being emotionally invested in a human being.#but the doom spiral is averted. false alarm.#i am going to hang up some of the MANY paintings/posters/misc art pieces i own soon & this is exciting#i have some really neat stuff#and i am trying not to be so sad#about the fact that i thought (as i collected furniture and paintings and dishes etc)#that by now i’d have a home of my own. instead of so many hopes languishing in boxes.#there’s a lot i should just get rid of tbh. it would make things easier.#but i don’t want to completely abandon my hope for a future#where for example i have a use for the silverware my great (x3) aunt left me when she died#or shelf space enough for my weird trinkets.#or my 1 million boxes of books.#it’s… not likely. but i don’t know if i can take giving up entirely yet.
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i’m not giving up on 100% catching up on naddpod eventually but i have definitely slowed way way down. that being said just listened to the trinyvale triplets absolutely dunk on sonic then murder dr robotnik and it was so delightful
#now i only have two full years of content to consume lmao#including patreon stuff#listen i’m just super determined to listen to it all in order for absolutely no reason#i did kinda stop watching some of the live-streams and stuff on patreon since my main way of listening is on my phone while working#or driving#anyways#hi naddpod bestieß ily#ya know my phone decided that the s at the end needed to be a ß and who am i to tell it no#i should get rid of my german keyboard i have not been using it or trying to learn german but it makes for funny autocorrect stuff sometimes#woah they really don’t limit tags huh. if you’re still reading this. hi#naddpod
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got a good number of cds yesterday and tomorrow but also culled a bunch
#i have limited space at the moment so must be done#and also the chunk im getting rid of i dont really need or wanf#do i really need these 3 omd albums when i am happy with keeping just the singles compilation etc#and some are '10 cent cd i want to give a listen for the first time and if i like it yay i have it and if not no loss and can just donate'#becoming a bit more strict in only keeping albums i really like as a whole piece or find w skipping a bit but overall good#and some are just 'this is a notable album i havent heard so i should have' but then its like if i dont care for it... bye#so yeah i got 13 cds yesterday? and then getting rid of like 30#and then for vinyl im just getting rid of 4. im already pretty strict with records to begin with#so im good with what i have even if its comparatively small to some#records can get expensive and u cant skip so it has to be something i really like as a whole#idk ive been collecting for 4.5 years so im due to downsize stuff i dont want#ill post a haul tomorrow after tomorrow's trip#its like would i miss or get upset not having this after i get rid of it kind of thought process lol. or will i ever change my mind about it
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