#but then im not given clear instructions on what i need to do and i have to figure it out myself

[seariii]

I was stressed but now i'm more chill and really sleepy...

[simpjaes]

DAY-SHIFT. (p. sh)

― part one here! After finding out that your boss has seen, heard, and instructed you through some pleasurable nights while parading around as a faceless cam-boy, you decide that your best course of action is to: call out sick. use vacation days. avoid Park Sunghoon at all costs. Unfortunately, ten days doesn’t appear to be nearly enough time to erase what’s happened, and Sunghoon refuses to be avoided. or the one where sunghoon pretends that he isn’t an anxious mess over accidentally exposing himself and you just so happen to have a lot of fucking empathy. 

minors dni 

PAIRING ― boss / cam boy!sunghoon x afab reader  

WORDCOUNT― 14.5k 

CONTENT― forbidden office romance kind of, smidge of angst if ur sensitive, mentions of predatory behavior from sunghoon, he is more desperate than he is dominant, just the way we like it.

NOTE ― bro im so sorry this took way too long to write, it also is way longer than it's supposed to be. but yknow. i had to do him right lmfao. NOT PROOF READ.

nsfw tags under cut

nsfw tags― perverted sunghoon, heavy petting, making out, foreplay on a chair lol, desk sex, very intimate shit ok? ok., pussy eating, jerking off, finger fucking, fingers-in-mouth antics, gagging, implications of something more than just an office fling, unprotected sex, he fills you UP!!! YIPEE!!! 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Avoidance.

That is the only way you know out of any awkward or unsavory situation. Avoid, avoid, avoid. Find a new job, change your name, dye your hair– question all of your life choices up to this point.

It’s the fact that never in your life have you had an interest in live sex cams. It was always just a porn video or a nice erotic novel for you. Sometimes curiosity gets the best of you though, like it does all people, and it’s not like you thought anyone would ever know who you are or catch you in the act of feeding into your curiosities. 

The one time you ever navigated to the live camera feed on your favorite porn site did shift your sexual appetite a little bit. A whole new world of seeing exactly what you want without needing to search for far too long for that perfect video…for a cost, of course.

You made good money already, and it’s not like you weren’t going for that promotion at the time either. You thought, why not? Why not pay a pretty, faceless man for some anonymous jerking off and move on with your life? 

The one time you found something to satiate the late night body-cravings, the point of pleasure ended up being…your boss?

Small world? Miniscule, fucking tiny little world. 

For days you wondered if Sunghoon’s text to you was just a coincidence. After all, the faceless man on screen didn’t say a word to you after you uttered the name of your boss. Even if he directly said your name. Even if Park Sunghoon uttered your false name at work. 

Consistent back and forth in your head. From, “No, how could that even be possible? No way is it him.” to “but Mr.Park started being weird after the first call, he used both names, he played off of the boss/employee dynamic.”

You’re going crazy as you send another email to your department, apologizing for taking so many days off but not truly apologetic. It’s been ten days now and Sunghoon has yet to text you again. 

That little “Can we talk?” can be heard in your head in his voice. Only now recognizing how clear and unique it truly is when he does speak. You try not to realize how similar the cam-boy sounded to him. Only connecting the dots when they force you to do it, really. You still try to convince yourself that the text was about firing you, given his actions at work that very same day. 

Maybe he was avoiding you because he felt awful about needing to fire you? 

Maybe he sent that text message to start the process of pushing you out? 

After all, it’s still very difficult to imagine Park Sunghoon having a cock that nice, or cum in that amount. Given, it’s not like you ever thought about him jerking off or anything, it’s just–

You don’t fucking know. Your brain is a mess of shaking anxiety and echoes of sexual frustrations and moans. 

You were refunded your money. He texted after the session. He said your name. It’s him, isn’t it?

You refuse to fucking find out.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

From:...[ HRatyourjob@workemail.org ]

CC:...[ parksunghoon@workemail.org ]

BCC:...

Subject: Time off Request: Rejected. Insufficient PTO.

[insert your name here],

The time you have requested from the 27th to the 3rd has been rejected due to insufficient hours. As of last Thursday, you are no longer meeting the minimum hour requirement as a full-time employee. Your PTO is at 0 hours and 00 minutes and you now have three unexcused absences. Please return tomorrow with a signed order or note that exempts you from work. If you move forward without returning to the building, this will be grounds for termination. Please review the company handbook and job abandonment guidelines. 

Additionally, COO Lee, myself, and Division manager Park will be scheduling a meeting with you in the upcoming days, failure to appear will result in immediate termination.

Thank you,

HR

Well, fuck. You knew the time to avoid this would dry up, and this ten day hideaway to fake your death didn’t quite pan out.

Devastating, truly, that you have to walk through those doors with the same legs your boss may or may not have seen spread open for him through a grainy webcam image. Horrifying, that you have to look him in the eye and explain that you really were sick for the past ten days, that you definitely were not hiding the shame of your sexual desires.

The worst part about all of this? Not just the embarrassment but the fact that…you liked it. On that night, had he admitted it was him, you may not have ended the call yourself. It felt like it added some danger to your arousal at the time. Which, naturally, makes you more embarrassed now. Mostly because, at worst if that was Mr.Park, it was predatory. At best though? You very well may have consented.

But the what ifs don’t matter now. The only thing that matters is forcing yourself through the awkwardness of being at work after avoiding it for so long already.

Fortunately for you though, work is…weirdly normal. In fact, no one acts like you’ve missed ten days at all. You are greeted by the usual co-workers, you sit down at your desk and can log in as usual, and there are no warning emails or invitations for what would be considered a meeting of termination either. 

The day goes by just fine, suspiciously so. Sunghoon, though you’re avoiding him at the moment, doesn’t appear to be too out of character either. At one point, you were forced to drop corrected paper work off in his office, and he gave you the same usual and small “Thank you” before you stepped out with your legs threatening to buckle. 

Then again, his “casual” appreciation could just be your mind playing positive little tricks on you. Maybe it wasn’t casual at all. Maybe that little uncharacteristic breath afterwards isn’t just in your head. You didn’t make eye contact with him during that brief moment, and you did rush out quite quickly so you wouldn’t really know. However, in the deepest part of your brain his voice really does match the one who said all those dirty things to you. 

Maybe you’re still overreacting.

Or maybe you dreamed all of this up. 

You choose to remain unaware of the awkwardness around you solely because everything else is normal. Deep, deep down, you know. But you’re not giving that truth a chance to thrive or run your brain anymore.

And just as the day comes to an end, you’re actually feeling better. Anxiety is draining out of you, fear and embarrassment sit dormant in some hidden part of your brain over the small possibility of virtually fucking your boss. It seems you’ve let this work day clear up all of that fear in your head.

You were wrong, right? It wasn’t him, right? He’d have tried to defend himself by now. What boss wouldn’t be absolutely terrified that you’d report him, anyway? After all of that?

You actually feel a little dumb at the possibility of Mr. Park ever wanting you sexually, or ever even wanting to speak to you in that way. Asking to see your pussy? Telling you how to touch it? No, that’s definitely not him. Couldn’t be him. 

And your eyes do stray after a little while. Just to steal glimpses into his office, feeling relieved and weightless now that it appears your fears are over and finally understood. Doesn’t change the fact that now when you look at him, you might be wildly fucking attracted to him. Because fuck, imagine if that was him. You’re kind of forced to put his image to the faceless cam-boy now, not that you want to do that or anything. It just…you can’t really blame yourself for it.

You lend yourself a little laugh. As happy as you are that you’re able to convince yourself that it’s not Sunghoon’s cock you’ve yearned for, you really wouldn’t mind sleeping with someone as handsome as him. 

Crazy how the lack of anxiety lets you think those types of things though, isn’t it? When your brain is no longer fogged by fear or embarrassment, it’s like the clarity can sometimes be scarier simply because you don’t know how true certain statements are. Even through all of that fear, maybe a part of you wished it was him. 

Even with the weight on your shoulders lifted, in hindsight, maybe you’re even a little disappointed that it wasn’t. 

And, just as you’re preparing to clock out and head home with a big secret crush and a little pep in your step, you hear the familiar notification of an email. No problem, probably just a daily report or something. 

From:...[ parksunghoon@workemail.org ]

CC:...

BCC:...

Subject: Mandatory Advising

[insert your name here],

Please come to my office before you leave for the day to discuss your conduct as of late. 

Thank you,

Park Sunghoon

Division Manager

000-000-0000 ext. 000

Well, double fuck. To think everything was fine despite you being well aware of that shit HR said to you previously? 

You barely recognize how the email is sent directly to you from Mr. Park, not including HR or COO Lee. In fact, the anxiety wells up inside of you so quickly that you nearly have to dry heave a few times before taking a deep breath. 

In your head, it’s not even about the web-cam session with a faceless man anymore. Your anxiety about that died the moment you successfully lied to yourself enough, now you’re genuinely just afraid you’ll lose your job or that beloved promotion you worked so hard to be qualified for. You just had to let your anxiety run your life for the past ten days, didn’t you? After all, skipping work to such an extent? Everyone had to have known that it was a lie eventually.  

So, you stand to your feet, brush off your thighs, and attempt to keep your heart from pounding as you make your way to Mr. Park’s office expecting to see HR, COO Lee, and a severance package on the desk waiting for your signature. 

Instead, you walk in to just find your boss. He’s looking at you as he normally would, eyes focused on his screen before glancing at you for a moment and nodding his head to one of the chairs in front of his desk. 

“Mr. Park–” You start, nearly wincing at the way you say it because, well, you haven’t said it since the night you had your pussy out on display. It’s only natural to physically react, right?

“One moment.” He says in a small voice, clicking a few times with the mouse as you watch the monitor light shine across his cheeks with each window he minimizes. 

It’s silent for a few moments as you awkwardly look around an office you’ve been in countless times. His lights are always dimmed, the temperature is always comfortable. You’re gonna miss this office, though it’s not your own. It was a nice, brief escape before all of this if you’re being honest. 

“How was work for you today?” He turns his attention to you, finally adjusting and rolling his chair to center himself in front of you behind his desk 

You pause at the question, unintentionally tilting your head at it like a puppy. “Good? Normal, I guess?” 

You watch as he nods with a tight-lipped expression, eyes falling to his desk as he takes in a deep and disappointed sounding breath. 

“Well, that’s one of us.” He huffs out, causing you to feel a bit confused with his tone. Is he being…passive aggressive? And when he snaps his eyes from his desk straight to your own confused gaze, you can almost sense a bit of something else in them compared to usual. 

Not anger. Not disappointment. 

He looks worried.

“Eleven days–” Sunghoon drones on with an exhausted tone, cutting himself off with another breath that shows you were right to assume his current displayed emotion. “You have ignored my text messages for eleven days.” 

You’re shocked by that because as far as you’re concerned, he has not texted you.

“What are you–” You furrow your brows at him, frantically pulling out your phone. “You haven’t texted me. See? The last one I got was–” You take a second as you pull up his texts and remember the exact time he texted you. So late into the night, right after…that. Naturally, you silence yourself, afraid to say it out loud.

“On the contrary,” Sunghoon denies your proof. “I texted from my personal phone.”

You hesitate again, looking down and noting the notifications under the tab of  “message requests.” To be fucking fair though, you didn’t even know that existed so you never really paid attention to it. Especially as you practically avoided your phone out of fear that he’d be texting you again. 

You were thankful he didn’t. That comforted you. Now though? Your comfort is replaced yet again with anxiety because, well, he texted you consistently after that night.

“Oh–” You say quietly, seeing a glimpse of “Please, let me call y���” in one of the messages.

“I didn’t see those.” Quickly, you turn your screen off and shove your phone back into your pocket, nervously clasping your hands in front of you and looking to the floor. 

“I will reiterate then.” 

You can hear the leather on his chair squeak against his expensive suit when he leans forward, both hands splayed out on his desk in a wide and intimidating stance in front of you. 

“Wait–” You look around the office now. “If you’re going to fire me– shouldn’t the others be here too?”

Sunghoon pulls back at that, narrowing his eyes before lending a very small and even more nervous chuckle.

“I’m not firing you. I told them I’d take care of your sudden and, quite frankly, unhelpful vacation.” 

You look to the floor again, feeling scolded for your actions but having a genuine reason. If Sunghoon truly is aware of that reason for your absence, he understands too, right?

“I have been beyond inappropriate with you.” He blurts now, that same leather squeaking as he leans back again and looks away from you the moment you snap your head up. “I have reason to believe you’ve not yet reported me, and I’d like to ask for the opportunity to explain myself before you do.” 

You feel a chill wash over your whole body, cold sweat peaking right at your temples as you stare forward. He’s being so professional about this, and that lie you’ve convinced yourself of is showing it’s face as just that, a fucking lie.

So this is it? 

So there it is? A semi-admittance that it was him? That little feeling in the back of your head that wishes it was diminishes within an instant. In fact, you narrow your eyes at him, your nose crinkles, and you feel frustration bubble up in your gut.

“So you admit that it was you?” You ask, needing a full confirmation. 

“Yes.” Sunghoon sighs, leaning back somehow further, creating as much distance from you as possible before unintentionally rolling his eyes. Mostly due to the fact that he was stupid enough to let this happen, mostly to shame himself. “What I did was inappropriate and unacceptable. I didn’t intend for this to ever happen.”

Now you feel a bit…pissed off.

Like? Oh, he didn’t intend for this to happen? What? You mean he didn’t intend to let you fucking find out! Well, as good as he is at playing the part of a slutty man on the internet, he’s not so good at acting in real life, now is he? Saying your false fucking name at work, saying your real name with his cock out?

What in the fuck are you supposed to do about this? Why is he giving you the ability to report him? He’s the one with the power here. He could fire you now and bury the information if he so pleased. After all, He’s besties with COO Lee, right? That bitch in HR has an obsession with him too. Hell, everyone here loves the guy. 

You’re just a bottom of the barrel employee trying to work your way up. If you got him fired, surely he’d make damn sure you never work for a decent company like this one again. Additionally, you don’t even want to report him.

Yeah, it was fucking weird that he just knew it was you and kept going. Super strange that he had to have known after the first call, only to ask to see you in the second one. Why does that turn you on in the midst of this anxiety induced spiral? Why the fuck is the idea of Park Sunghoon apologizing for masturbating to and for you so alluring?! 

Sure, maybe it’s kind of nice knowing that someone of his status would ever find an interest in you, but it doesn’t quite wash the frustration away. You have every right to question, and every right to be pissed off about it. 

Still, in this quiet room, Sunghoon is stoic and all you can think about when you look at him is the way he said “if I were your boss i’d–” and the way he fucked his palm while saying it, implying he wanted it to be you while simultaneously knowing it was you watching. 

Since fucking when did Mr. Park ever show a sexual interest in you? And if he did, why the fuck couldn’t he have just been normal about it?

“That was really fucked up, you know that?” You argue immediately, voice shaking at the speed of which your emotions shift. Your resolve isn’t quite as clear as it probably should be. Perhaps you should report him, or maybe you already should have. But, it’s not like you accepted the truth until he demanded it of you.

You would have let it slide. Both of you could have pretended it never happened. You could’ve gone home and continued working, never paying a cam-boy again had Sunghoon not called you into this stupid, comfortable ass office. 

“In my defense, I was just doing my job. Though it’s my own fault for not telling you, my job here was at risk if you had found out.”

“You made me talk about you.” You roll your eyes at him now, gaining the power and control over the conversation. “And you thought I wouldn’t find out?! What? Did that get you off or something?”

“I–” Sunghoon stops himself from answering that question truthfully. He quickly tries to explain away the stutter instead. Never has he been scolded by an employee, but you’re well within your rights to do so. “I wasn’t in my right mind. I never get called by name during these sessions and I apologize for having you say it.”

“And you want me to report you?” You raise a brow at him. “Want me to just storm right into HR and tell her how you’re a fucking pervert? Want me to tell her how you told me to repeat your name? To thank you for it? Is that really what you want?” 

Are you enjoying yourself a little too much? Maybe.

Sunghoon doesn’t respond though, instead, he runs his hand through his hair and sighs from the stress welling up inside of him. He can only act calm and collected for so long, and it’s been eleven days already. He hates how hearing you say those words goes straight to his cock at a time like this, he hates even more how all of this could have been avoided if he had simply declined your second call. 

But you’re not wrong. He is a pervert, and he did tell you to thank him for the pleasure you were getting from his voice and half image alone. At the time, he was so turned on he really just couldn’t help himself. You fed his sexual appetite unknowingly and now this is the consequence of his action. Being a known pervert.

Is it what he wants though? To be reported? Humiliated?

Fuck.

Arguably, just having you humiliate him like this is enough. Drives him crazy, really. Whether it be from arousal or guilt, or both. 

And for the first time since you started working here, you see him for what he truly is. A strong man to an extent, but he’s crumbling under his own mistake and it makes you wonder just how far he would’ve taken it had you not found out. 

“And what if I didn’t realize who I was fucking myself for?” You glare. “Would you have asked for more? Avoided me here even more? Would you have declined my application for the assistant position because you can’t come to terms with the fact that you’re a fucking pervert?!”

Sunghoon raises his hands in defense. 

“Please–” His voice sounds panicked. “Please, keep your voice down.”

“Answer the question, then. Just fucking own it at this point.” You throw your arms up now, letting them fall back down in a slap to your thighs. “Would you have made my work-life miserable just so you could watch me get off to you? Knowing the whole time? Would you have kept on with that boss slash employee shit just so it felt more real for you?” 

Staring forward at him, you watch him accept that everything you’re saying is likely exactly what would have happened. Maybe he really will try to own it. Which would be… a good thing if you decide to let your own resolve falter.

So fucking secretive, huh? An actual, real life degenerate? And it’s Sunghoon of all people? 

“Maybe…” Sunghoon trails off, making himself seem much smaller than he usually is on a day-to-day basis. “I mean, No–I,”

Oh, he’s actually stuttering.

“And you want me to tell on you? You want me to fuck your life up?” You raise a brow. “As if I didn’t pay you to do it?”

In all honesty, aside from the anxiety and awkwardness, and despite never once thinking of Sunghoon too sexually, things have changed. Drastically. Especially after being confronted with this situation and he’s not intimidating you or using his power to control you. No, he’s giving you the power and quite frankly, you don’t know what to do with it. 

Are you basking in it? Absolutely. Is it nice to see him cower in front of you? In that big plush chair that costs more than your monthly income? Hell yeah.

But goddamn, had he approached you before all of this and asked for a date, or showed interest, you would have gladly partaken in a secret romance with him. He’s intelligent, attractive, clean, and has money. It’s not like you ever expected the guy to go home and fuck himself on camera. 

You never thought he was the type to be so lonely either. Or so desperate, judging by how he acted during those two sessions. Arguably, you always wondered why there was never a ring on those pristine fingers. 

And while you were definitely the victim in this situation, you feel more embarrassed than you do violated. Many nights you thought of how he spoke, how he said how badly he wanted you. It’s embarrassing because you’re starting to love the idea of who those words really came from. The Park Sunghoon, so untouchable in the business world. So untouchable by women and men solely because he appears to be too expensive, too pristine.

But you…

You’ve seen him dirty. 

Part of you wishes you didn’t pay to be humiliated like this. The rest of you wishes you didn’t fucking like it as much as you do.

“It’s only fair.” Sunghoon explains with a short breath. “I feel awful for what I’ve done, and I should have told you the moment I recognized her as, well–” He pauses with a pained face, as if he hates hearing himself say it. “You.”

“Then, why didn’t you?” You raise your brow again, nearly forgetting you’re at work, solely focused on the conversation at hand and feeling relieved at the way it’s going.

Sunghoon shifts in discomfort, looking away from you.

“Do you want honesty?” He asks in a quiet voice, leaning forward on his desk but refusing eye contact. He keeps his gaze lowered the entire time, his voice small and shaky. 

There’s still people in the office, though his door is closed and it’s unlikely he can be heard.

You nod to him with an even smaller “Go on then.”

“I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t you.” He says, shifting his hands and picking at his cuticles. 

Man, he really knows how to act sorry, doesn’t he?

“I avoided you after that first call, solely because I think I wanted her to be you. Which is…incredibly inappropriate.” 

He looks up at you now, searching for a reaction and only seeing you nod at him. His eyes shift right back down as he continues. 

“My avoiding you led you to– um– more services.” He explains quieter, admitting in full the situation he’s allowed to take place, seeming more and more insecure with his words than he ever has before. “I can admit that I have fantasies and needs.” 

Silence. 

“After that first call, I couldn’t help but be entirely attracted to you. The idea of–”

You suddenly find yourself thinking back to all of those things he said to you again, parading as if he wasn’t your boss, telling you what he'd do if he were. He seems to have accidentally found a sexual interest in the dynamic…and he fucking dragged you into it with him. 

“Mr. Par– Sunghoon.” You cut him off, actually feeling a bit of pity now at his admittance. 

His words make you feel like maybe he’s not entirely just a pervert who was intending to make you get off to him from the start. If anything, he probably felt uncomfortable at first knowing who was on the other end of the call. It’s the fact that his real life job was at risk if you found out, and still he indulged despite that. He accepted that second call, he asked for more, he acted like he really does want you.

 To the extent that losing his job was in the front of his mind and he still did it. He ignored the danger of it and prioritized getting off…with you. You find yourself wondering if this would have happened to any other employee under him if they happened to stumble across his stream too. 

Part of you wants to pretend he wouldn’t, because the idea that all of this is happening solely because it was you? It hits a little too hard, a little too deep. 

“Okay, okay. Stop,” You say, keeping your eyes on him and willing him to look up at you. “You don’t have to keep explaining, I get it.”

“No.” He does meet your eye this time, stopping your brain of all thoughts at how differently you see him now versus all the times before. “I do.” 

He’s so honest. Probably too honest for his own good. Maybe that’s why he’s so good at his job, maybe that’s why everyone loves him. Maybe a bit of lying would help him in this situation if it were anyone else, but for you? 

You kind of enjoy the way he’s telling the truth. Admitting that he was desperate, apologizing for wanting you even if just for a brief moment.

“I asked you to turn on your camera for selfish reasons. I asked you to say my name, then I made the mistake of exposing myself because I–” He hesitates, closing his eyes and breathing in deeply through his nose. “I struggled to pretend it wasn’t me, and that she wasn’t you. I very well knew what I was doing, and at the time, I wished that you did too.”

More silence as you stare at him, stunned, slightly in awe. 

“But I knew you wouldn’t have reciprocated. What I’ve done is criminal, and I am encouraging you to report me for it if that’s what you deem necessary.” 

“And if I don’t?” You don’t leave any more room for silence now, feeling desired and validated. 

You can’t pretend that you’re mad, though you were previously. You simply can’t pretend that, now at least, you wouldn’t reciprocate. If anything, you’re more interested now than you think you ever would have been before. 

“We can forget any of this ever happened. I’ll stop streaming and accepting private calls, and we can hopefully move forward without any ill-feelings of one another.” He blinks at you, near pleading with his eyes. “I’ll push your application through– That is, if you still want the position.” 

Sunghoon does wince at the bribe, considering he’s never done such a thing let alone commit acts of sexual harassment, or perhaps even non consensual foreplay with someone. It really really wasn’t entirely intentional, and he’s disgusted with himself. If you report him, he’d take the hit to his reputation and career, but if you don’t…what then?

Ill-feelings, he says? If anything, you might feel more ill parading around like you wouldn’t want him to do all of those things he said previously, with free-will to say as he pleased without the fear of you knowing who the words were coming from. 

“Can you please stop with the professional talk?” You hum out with an exhausted eye roll.  “I don’t want the promotion if you’re just offering it so I don’t rat you out.” You narrow your eyes now and lean yourself forward. “You hope to forget this ever happened? Really?” 

Carefully, the two of you watch each other for a while longer. Sunghoon looking like he’s about to catch himself on fire, and you, looking annoyed and amused. Still, the thick air in the room starts to feel suffocating under the pressure of the “issue” at hand as you scold him further. 

“What you did was predatory. But– I don’t want to ruin your life over this.” 

You watch as Sunghoon listens, his posture opening up a bit more as you speak, showing that he’s being relieved of his stress through your words alone. 

“Are you trying to hold a promotion over my head over this?”

Before he gets the chance to curl in on himself again, you answer for him. 

“Maybe.” 

You continue too, not letting him speak for the time being. Or, rather, giving him a chance to breathe. 

“Should you change your username and continue doing what you want behind closed doors because it’s no one else’s business?” You really watch him this time. “Yes.” 

He blinks at you, raising a brow in slight confusion. 

“Did you take advantage of me?”

He nods before you whisper out another “yes” yourself. 

“Would I let you do it again…?”

Oh, for Sunghoon, it’s hard to breathe right now as he anticipates what you’ll say. Is it going to be a ‘no’ this time? Are you going to stand up and change your mind? Despite just stating you don’t want to ruin his life?

God, hasn’t he already let you?

“Yes.”

Pause. 

“I’m sorry?” Sunghoon responds in disbelief, shifting his eyes to his hands and then back to you. “Come again?”

“Sunghoon.” You make it a point to call him by his name now, ignoring the etiquette of a proper boss and employee dynamic. “I am humiliated by all of this but I can see that you are too. You’ve admitted your guilt and even go as far as encouraging that I report you.” You pause again, knowing that this isn’t where the conversation should be going for any, uh, normal person, you suppose. 

“If you had just told me. If you had said anything about wanting to, like, fuck me, I would have done it with or without the promotion on the line.”

Does that make you sound a little desperate? Yeah. But it’s not like he doesn’t know how badly you need to be fucked. After all, you know, the cam sessions and stuff. You were literally paying a stranger to get you off. 

Shouldn’t he, of all people, know that you were bad-off enough to get laid?

Sunghoon’s issue though, is that he never looks at his employees sexually. No matter how pretty, no matter how much they flaunt themselves at him. He never has, and probably never will again. If it hadn’t been for that single first session with you, all would be well. But now? He’s too attracted to you. 

He wants you so badly.

“If you tell me right now that you want me, in the same way you did on that call–” You stop yourself to really look at him. With the way he swallows, the way his lips slightly part, the way his hands show signs of eleven days worth of nervous habit cuticle picking. “If you do all of those things you said you’d do ‘if you were my boss’...”

“Wait, wait–” Sunghoon stands in a rush, causing you to jump slightly at the sudden sound echoing off of the walls in the office. “Do you understand the consequences of what you’re implying right now?”

“If I fuck my boss, we could both be fired?” You smile, feeling the confidence raise within you. Watching the way he reacts to your lewd words face to face rather than through a microphone. 

“That would be…correct.” He raises a brow. 

“Well, technically, you’ve already been fucking me.” You look away from him, feeling a bit shy even with the confidence, but never having spoken to a man so bluntly before like this? It’s a bit scary. “Would it really make anything worse if, you know, I do reciprocate?”

Goddamn. Sunghoon might be a bit smitten. This situation could have gone a thousand different ways, and you offer the one that includes your legs spread across this fucking desk and his face buried between them?

Oh. Never has he been so willingly turned on at work. 

“Is this what you want?” He asks in a breath, shifting his eyes to the door and walking towards it, immediately reaching for the lock but not quite turning it. 

“Is that what you want?” You counter, turning and staring at the lock. 

Sunghoon hides his nod, wanting you to be the one to answer first. After all, hasn’t he been self-indulgent enough?

“Do you want me to fuck you?” He finally breaks and says it, blatantly, not sugar coated, yet still sweet when the words hit your ears. “After all this, you still want it?” 

You nod, dipping your head a bit against your shoulder. 

Click. 

“I guess I should have known.” Sunghoon plays with his words now, hand dropping from the now locked door and eyes entirely on you. “Do you want me to fuck you, or would you prefer–”

“You.” You smile, feeling your skin prickle at the electricity that enters the room through breath and words alone. It’s the way he already shifted. Like all of that anxiety melted out of him within an instant. 

“No, no.” He stalks towards you now, the nervous Sunghoon is no longer in sight as he makes himself seem bigger, taller, far more intimidating. Just like he was on camera. “The me you saw on screen is not the same as what you’re seeing right now.” He tries to explain. 

“Oh?” You tilt your head, and he only finds that cute. 

Far too cute. 

“You’d do as I ask, right?” His voice shifts to a raspy whisper as he centers himself in front of you, both hands reaching the arms of your chair as he hovers above you. “I’m far more tame online.” 

Tame?! That’s what he calls tame?! 

You stare up at him, keeping your jaw from falling slack as you physically see him shift from being your boss into being a man with a need. Not just any need either. A need for you.

Part of you wonders if he ever truly felt bad in the first place about all of this, because the shift from just moments ago is so dramatic it’s almost scary. 

“So, tell me.” He leans down, inches from your face as his eyes start to fall to a half-lidded stare at you. “You’ll do as I say? You’d let me do it all for you, and not ask me to stop until I feel it best, yes?”

You swallow and slowly nod. Oh god, it really, really, is him. 

“And while at work, you’ll behave?” He continues, lips now ghosting over yours to the point you can almost feel them press down. He’s implying that if you don’t tell, that this won’t be the only time too? Shit. He’s entirely aware of why this shouldn’t be happening, but still making it happen.

 “No matter what I do to you, where or how I do it, you���ll behave?”

You can’t help it when you lift your chin, just a bit to rest your lips against his words, eyes falling closed and hands hesitant to reach out for his perfectly ironed shirt. 

You feel his smile against your lips, with that sharp-toothed grin he rarely offers. 

“Ah, so it’s true.” He murmurs against you, his hand reaching for yours and guiding it for you, straight to his belt. “Dirty, dirty girl.”

A small, pleased, sound leaves your throat when he does kiss you, adding his own pleased hum alongside yours as his hands still hold yours in place over his belt, not quite letting you do anything just yet.

”Gonna be quiet–” He whispers into your mouth, just against your tongue before licking out and against it. “Even when I tell you to moan my name?”

You really shouldn’t be surprised, but you still are. You like this Sunghoon better than the one who stutters and picks his cuticles. He’s owning it, and in a way, so are you. 

 After all, it wasn’t until today that you truly learned what Sunghoon is like when he’s aroused. Not that you ever should have known in the first place. The fact that you do know, the fact that he’s showing you? It just makes this all the more arousing, in your opinion.

All he needed was a green light and within seconds it seems, Sunghoon became the need you’ve been chasing for months now through porn sites and erotic novels. 

You nod to his words, trying to drop your hand just a bit to feel what you’ve already seen. Just to feel how warm he is, how—

“Is that so?” Sunghoon whispers in an amused tone, guiding your hand right back to his belt, only to drop his other hand straight between your legs. “You’re supposed to do as I say. If I tell you to moan my name, you do it.”

Oh, the sexual confusion of what to do and which Sunghoon to obey. All you can do is continue to nod for him, hanging your head with a breath at the way he cups his hand over the entirety of your core. You wore pants today in order to hide your shame, to try and feel invisible based on previous circumstances. You’re not so happy about that now, as you try to feel his touch through the thick fabric only to shamelessly thrust your hips up and against his palm.

He moves his lips to the top of your head now, hovering over you in a perfect stance of power, hand gently rubbing up and and down despite your hips asking for a harsher touch. If anything, it makes him feel better knowing how you react to this. 

In actuality, his relief is sending his arousal through the roof. Not only are you not going to rat him out but…you want more of it? More of him, in particular? Not the facade of him online? 

At this point, if he gets caught, you’re both going down in flames. So, why not enjoy the ride?

Truly, it’s laughable in the way he’s just as amused as he is turned on, relishing in the fact that he wants you and you’re letting him have you despite his past actions. You’re messy too, he’s seen it, and now he gets to feel it. 

“Mhm,” Sunghoon hums against the top of your head, now pressing his own hips forward against your hand. “Feel that?”

The electricity? How hard he is? How needy you are?

”Yeah…” You sigh absentmindedly, bumping his chin with your head when you try to look up at him. You only blink twice before he coos out with a sad little sound. 

He doesn’t say a word after as he removes his hand and instead, grabs both of your hands and places them on his shirt. 

“Go on.” He smiles, waiting to see you to start fumbling against his buttons. 

And fumble, you do. Touching him, for some reason, feels so dangerous. Knowing you’re the one removing his shirt, watching his skin be revealed as it begins to fall open by your own doing? It’s electrifying. Enough to lose your train of thought as you study how toned and smooth his skin is. Just like how you had seen on camera, so clear in front of you now. You’re aching for him by this point, being able to feel his body heat, touch him, feel his eyes on you. 

If you had really known back then who it was you were talking to, you very well may have pretended to not know as well, judging by the way your entire body catches fire for him. 

And as his shirt falls completely open, he’s satisfied with the way you do it. Complacent and docile beneath him, nervous fingers shaking much like he did for the past eleven days. With those pretty eyes looking at him, like there’s nothing in your head at all. 

He chuckles at you, grabbing your hands again and placing them right on his chest, helping your hesitant touch to massage and caress each bump and toned muscle. He intentionally flexes the further down your hands go, all the way back to his belt. 

There, he looks down at where you touch, then back at you with a quirked brow. You stare  up at him, blinking, face feeling hot, and it’s like you move your hands on instinct. The sound of his buckle being unclasped echoes in the room, and his eyes only darken with the sound.

The sound of it slipping from the loops when he takes it upon himself to remove it completely for you, the sound of his breathing, the sound of that zipper, the button, the shuffling of his pants being skewed down just enough to fit your hand inside.

He moans at the image alone, loving the way your smaller hand looks slipping down his pants, the way your breathing is somehow even as if you’re trying to keep yourself calm. So calm, so pretty, but he knows how needy you are. He shouldn’t, but he does, and he uses it to his advantage. 

You’re the one who moans this time upon feeling that little twitch of his cock urging you to grab. And he helps you too, with the way he guides your hand under the front of his pants further, forcing your fingers to grab and grope the thick of his cock, uncomfortable and pressing between his briefs and undone zipper. 

“Still, you’re just looking.” Sunghoon comments, pressing his hips forward slowly and gently. “I’m right here.” He continues to explain the situation to you, as if you’re not experiencing it. “You need me to show you how to touch me too?”

You hesitate with a groan caught in your throat. You’re still processing the size difference that you feel now versus what you saw. Bigger. Thicker. Heavier than you would have expected against your palm. Honestly, you were so focused on the fact that Sunghoon’s cock is currently fucking forward against you that you almost forgot how to jerk a man off by yourself. 

His hand had been doing all the work for you, and you’re quick to take over. 

Sunghoon lends a very small gasp at the way you try to grasp, and instantly both of his arms shoot to the chair behind your head. He grips it, dropping his chin to the top of your head before thrusting a bit harsher into the grip you try to hold on him. 

“Harder.” He exhales, his cock twitching in your weak hold. “Grab me harder.”

You do, squeezing the bulge before intentionally adjusting it for him, allowing the head of his bulbous cock to peek from the top of his briefs. 

His relieved sigh is enough, you can’t help it. With his chin sat atop your head like this, you have no choice but to watch the way he moves his hips. Just like he did on camera. His abs flex with each movement, his arms grip behind you on the chair tighter, and you couldn’t pull your eyes away from his desperate body even if you wanted to. 

You thrust up too, as if your body craves what you’re already touching. And you do crave it, so much so that your clit aches against the denim you’re rubbing up against. Unfortunate that you wore these fucking jeans, honestly.

“Mr. Park–” You let out a small and frustrated cry, using your other hand to try and fail at unbuttoning your own pants. 

He hides his smile at the way you’ve reverted back to his professional title, but pays no mind to it because that’s what he wanted to hear in your voice that night. A desperate sound of his name, a plea, a cry. He can’t help but cling to it and bury that pretty voice into the darkest parts of his brain. A memory he’ll revisit time and time again after this. That sound, those pretty lips, this weak grasp you have. For the time being, it’s his. You belong to him right now. 

“Hm?” He hums out, fucking his hips forward while tilting his head back to look at you. “What is it, baby?”

Oh. You lost your train of thought. 

Thankfully, he seems to do the thinking for you as he shifts his eyes down and watches you try to both please him and remove your own pants. A cute sight to him, really. Someone who was just scolding him for wanting this, fumbling for more? 

So cute. 

He chuckles, pulling his hips back from your hand and grabbing it, unbothered by the loss of your touch. Instantly he intertwines his fingers with yours, and grasps your other hand from your pants to do the same. Both your arms raise by his guidance to the back of the chair before he releases them. 

You watch with a slack jaw and half-lidded eyes as he lowers himself, right onto his knees before he unbuttons your pants for you and very politely pulls them from your legs. 

“This what you want?” He smiles, lying his cheek right against your exposed thigh and taking a deep inhale. It’s taking everything in him not to fawn over the woman who had him in his thoughts for the past however long, truly. 

Then again, he’s weak. He doesn’t even look up at you through his words and, instead, nuzzles his nose right up and against the seat of your panties before inhaling with a pleasant hum. “To have me finally touching this pretty pussy for you?” 

God damn, if you didn’t already know it was him on that camera, you do now. He speaks the same type of words, with the same confidence, the same sultry tone…

You can barely comprehend the way he slowly takes his own pants off because you’re too focused on the way he runs his lips across your skin with dirty thoughts spilling from them. Fingers tucked under either side of your panties in preparation before he eventually pulls them off of you. 

“Did you wear those pants to hide yourself from me?” He comments now with an amused tone. “Knowing you wanted me to take them off of you anyway?”

You shake your head at him, holding your breath. You did wear them to hide, but you never would have expected this situation to go in a direction involving his mouth anywhere near where you need it. Sure, you assumed he would have rejected you, you assumed that if it was him– he’d have been so disgusted with himself that he’d only gag at your presence. 

But no. You were bold in your words, and he seems to feed into that. 

“No?” He furrows his brows and lifts his head. Now lowering your panties much like he did for your pants. He’s quick with his next action, seemingly hiding his own desperation through playful comments at you. “Why not?” He adds, instantly pressing his thumb against your clit and fucking shining his eyes up at you with a semi-pouted mouth. 

You roll your eyes back at the sudden pressure, relaxing your shoulders and slouching down in the chair. Your legs spread further on instinct, granting him a full view of your sticky cunt parting open for him.

His eyes glance down, peering into the heat you offered once before ever knowing it was him looking. Clicking his tongue, he can’t help but bite his lower lip to hold himself back. He hopes you don’t notice the way his hand finds its way to his own cock, he really, really hopes you don’t see him act so pathetic over this. 

But you do. The moment your eyes roll back into place and get a look at him. One of his shoulders is moving, but the action is hidden by not only the chair, but his fucking face. He’s got his lips parted and he’s licking his lower lip. Slicking it up with his own saliva before–

“So quiet,” He hums with glistening lips, lending himself a light hold with his cock and pretending it’s you doing it for him. “You have nothing to say for yourself?” He adds now, inhaling once more the scent of your slick dripping for him as he leans in just a bit more.

“Oh–!” You yelp slightly at the feeling of his teeth digging into the flesh just to the side of your core. He bites down harder and harder, licking the flesh between his teeth before sucking hard against it. The sweat and scent of your full-day at work does nothing to calm his raging cock. He loves it and it only grows his appetite for you. Licking, sucking, nibbling at the skin until he’s sure he���ll leave a nice, painful swell to rub against your panties later. Only then does he release your skin from his still-tasting mouth. 

The relief when he releases your thigh is short lived because he offers not even a full two seconds before you feel his mouth circle your clit. Like he can’t help himself, like he can’t tease you right now even if he wanted to. 

 A flick of his tongue sends a shiver down your spine straight to your toes and you can’t stop your legs from immediately wrapping around his head. You hear his muffled “mmf” when you do that, but he keeps you from apologizing for it because his free hand goes straight under your ass and scoots you even closer to his tongue. 

And if you didn’t already think Sunghoon knew how to use that mouth for more than just being a professional business man, you do now. With the way that same tongue that used to taste the morning coffee you’d bring him now tastes you. Deeply. 

He licks, flicks, and sucks every fold. Slurping up any dripping heat that slips out of you before pressing his tongue in and nuzzling his nose against your clit. He’s not quiet about it either. He moans with each lick, hums every time your legs squeeze around his neck, slurps and loudly sucks. 

It’s pornographic, it’s sexy, it’s–

Suddenly, you feel a sharp jolt shoot through you, having not even noticed his hand moving from your ass to your front, moving straight up under your shirt. His fingers immediately find your nipple and pinches hard. So hard that your previous moan only becomes prolonged. Grows louder, breathier. 

He pinches and massages your nipple with the intent to keep you loud for him. Office setting or not, he could give less of a shit about that right now. He ignores the strain on his wrist from your bra, he uses his other hand to grip himself harder, and you can’t help but squeeze him tighter between your thighs until you’re, quite literally, shaking.

Your hips are sliding against his face with each jolt of pleasure, practically riding him, and his cock is now entirely neglected because you can’t help but want more. You need more. And he gives it, by now releasing himself and keeping both hands on you. One holding the outside of your thigh, almost pushing you to squeeze tighter, the other incessantly abusing your nipple. 

He chokes out a moan through his messy movements, never quite knowing where to put his hands solely because he wants to touch all of you. His cock is just fine being neglected, he thinks, as he realizes just how much pleasure he gets from feeling you wrap yourself around him like this. 

It feels better than jerking himself off. 

“Mr. P–” You sigh out, still not quite used to actually calling him his name, but the sound of it reminds you time and time again how wrong this situation is supposed to be. 

You’re sitting on this soft chair, pussy being spread apart by a tongue none other than the man who signs your paychecks. And just this morning you were terrified of him ever even getting a glimpse of you without pants on? God, how stupid could you be? You should’ve been chasing this man’s touch since the day you looked at him for the first time. 

“Fuck–” You moan out for him, brain spitting thoughts at you as each second passes. The danger of this, the fact that he genuinely got off to you before you knew it was him. The secrecy of his perverted thoughts and actions…it’s all so… “So, you’re so – hot.”

You feel him laugh, kissing the pulsing hole of your pussy when he pulls his tongue back to swallow. And for just a few moments, he turns his head, gripping your thigh with his teeth once again before speaking back to you, muffled by the hot skin. 

“Yeah?” He laughs, now pulling his hand from your bra and lifting to your chin, pointing your gaze down at him, forcing you to see the way your thighs nearly suffocate him against your pussy. “Then keep your eyes on me.”

And you do, especially when he uses both of his hands now, nudging them between your legs and forcing them from his shoulders. He rests your legs on the arms of the chair instead and flicks his eyes up at you. 

“You watching?” He makes this a point, blowing a small breath of air straight at your clit before receiving a dazed and slow nod from you. “Keep your legs open too.”

That’s the last thing he says before his mouth is full again, sucking your folds between his teeth before tucking his tongue right back into your hole. He tastes for just a few moments before you feel those same lips on your clit. He lets it throb in his open mouth as he listens carefully to your little sounds, especially now that he’s sliding his fingers into you. 

You gasp, holding your breath at the feeling. His fingers slide in, reaching deep before he scissors them open. And all you feel from it is pleasure. You can’t help that your eyes roll back again, but you do try to keep your gaze fixed on his. With his eyes so rounded, blinking up at you with his strong jaw moving with each swallow of his own muffled moans. 

He sucks your clit, fucks your cunt open, and relishes in the way he will soon get to splay you across his desk and really let you have it. 

And he does this for a few minutes, though in your head it goes by so fast that you nearly get whiplash from the way he pulls back with a wet sound and grins at you.

“Aw, baby–” He coos at the face you make, seemingly disappointed to lose all stimulation at once, but he’s quick to lift to his feet and lean back over you. 

Oh, his cock. It’s right there. 

Oh.

His face– 

“You’re so fucking wet right now.” He murmurs against the corner of your mouth with a raspy whisper, easily and without warning slipping two of his fingers right back into the heat that he just denied himself of licking more. “You hear that?” He continues with a sharp toothed bite to your lip. “How wet you are?”

You groan at the way he slams his fingers in, out, in, out, in…He keeps them there, pressed so far into you that you can physically feel the way your pussy tries to push him out again.

“Could slip it in right now–” He moans out at how tight you clench just his fingers. “Fuck, could be so deep in you.”

Your face feels hot as a bashful feeling overtakes you. His voice hits so much harder when you feel his breath along with it. His fingers, his cock right up against you. You want him to slip it in. To stuff his cock in you so fast, no room to adjust, not a second to even catch your breath. 

God, you need it right now. It’s been too long since you’ve felt a real person touch you, you can’t help that you feel so desperate. The clench isn’t on purpose, your body tells him all he needs to know, all while he tells you all you could only wish to hear fall from someone’s lips.

And not just anyone. His lips. 

You shoot your arms around his neck and it's not really intentional but– an actual kiss. You need it. 

He seems pleased by it though, with the way his tongue immediately asks for more. One hand moves to brace your cheek, the other still fucking into you so good that you can’t keep a single moan down. He takes full control of the initiated kiss solely because you kissed him first. Almost hungrily, he licks into your mouth with his own muffled groan, encouraging you to keep being pretty like this. Just so you can see what he’ll do to you. 

And, damn. He guides your body like a puppet, stiffening his shoulders when he licks into your mouth and threatening to pull away by raising  himself up just a bit. He knew you’d chase the kiss, and you do. You lift with him, your ass lifting from the chair just to keep his tongue against yours, and he takes the elevated position and angles his hand just a bit. There, his fingers fuck into you harder, faster, so much fucking deeper until– you feel his fingers stop at a painfully deep spot inside of you. 

He pulls back from the kiss, looking down between your bodies, and your eyes follow his gaze. Right there, he’s placed his knee up against his own wrist, forcing his fingers to remain deep and unmoving in you. 

You take in a sharp inhale, seeing the way he lets your body fall back to the seat of the chair, only forcing him to skew his fingers and– “Oh, god!”

You moan out so suddenly that it even shocks him for a moment, but he takes your weakness and uses it to his advantage. Quickly, he licks into your moaning mouth, tickling his fingers upwards, pulling even more animalistic sounds from you. 

“Yeah?” He whispers frantically, so turned on by the way your entire body stiffens. “Right there?” He continues, leaning his full body weight forward with his knee, wincing at the way he presses his cock against anything he can find in the process, just to get you off right here, right now. 

You nod just as frantically, toes curling, arms shooting to the chair in a form that should appear as discomfort, but really you’re just bracing yourself through the tensing of your muscles before all of them relax and pulse at once. 

Your ears pop, but you can still hear your desperate cries of his name somewhere distant. You can even hear him, humming and encouraging your orgasm. You wish you could hold your eyes open to see him, to grab him and force him to fuck his fingers hard into you. God, you could take it right now. You could take just about anything to heighten this feeling of stars bursting behind your eyelids. 

Somehow though, it’s like he knows. Half-way through your orgasm, you feel the weight between your legs shift and his fingers start moving again. Still, your eyes are squeezed shut, and you can't help but to lunge forward and hug against his neck, clinging to him through the prolonged orgasm that his fingers alone have brought to you. 

“Squeezing me so tight–” Sunghoon groans, unsure of if he’s referring to the way your needy cunt crowds his fingers, or the way you cling to him like a lost pet, begging for him to never leave your sight. “Fuck, you’re so pretty like this.”

You hear those words over any of his others. So clear in your head as you snap your head up and look at him. You see him lower his gaze, but your grip doesn’t quite allow him to actually look down at you. Not when he has to physically hold you up anyway. Still, he looks amused up there, knowing that single compliment must’ve hit somewhere inside of you.

You’re not sure why, through all this, Sunghoon calling you pretty makes it so much more intimate. And even as your legs continue to shake, and you release your death grip hug on him, he keeps himself crowded up to you. He’s somehow out of breath just like you are, relishing in the calm silence of your post orgasm as he…Jesus.

It’s not just your imagination. Somehow, it is intimate. It’s the way he pulls his fingers out and both hands shoot to your face. First, he kisses you as if you’re a long lost love. Deeply, slowly. Then, he’s putting one hand at the small of your back, nudging his knee right back between your legs, and pulling you right up against him. 

“Who did you cum for?” Sunghoon asks, pulling back just to lick against your lips and stare directly down at you. “Say my name.”

You don’t hesitate, echoing out with a winced expression, still so out of breath while rubbing your clit to the expanse of his thigh. 

“Su-Sunghoo-Sunghoon-” 

“Yeah?” He encourages you, hearing his name heat his ears up. He moves his pussy-slicked fingers to your mouth while you cry his name, and easily presses your tongue down with them, sliding the digits further and further down your throat. “Sunghoon.” He says his own name. “Say it again.”

You gag around his fingers, unable to obey his demand. 

“Sung–” He inspects the way your tongue struggles against the intrusion in your mouth. “Hoon.” 

You swallow around them now, sputtering, tears now running down the outer apples of your cheeks. He watches you do it too, wondering how good that would feel if it were his cock you’re swallowing around. Knowing you’d probably do it for him if he wanted to right now. 

But…he needs more than that. Despite how delicious you look while gagging, his cock has been neglected and he needs to fuck out the stress from the past however long you’ve been avoiding him. It’s like his brain breaks with the action as he watches you take his fingers in whatever way he offers. You let him do whatever he wants. You’re obeying. 

“Up.” He suddenly says, pulling all physical contact with you away as he turns, steps out of the pants restricting his ankles, and swipes every pen, file, and picture frame off his desk. “Come here, baby.”

You feel like you’re melted to this chair right now, in all honesty. You’re still trying to catch your breath just from touching his cock before he decided to make you see fucking stars, to think you can stand right now is insane.

So, when you don’t immediately hop up and throw yourself onto his desk, he turns to look at you. 

You’re splayed out, legs still spread, toes still curled. Your chest is heaving to breathe, eyes wild and lips so fucking kissable. 

“Oh, fuck.” He sighs to himself in realization, relishing in the image of you he’s only recently been craving. “Look at you.”

You lift your arm to hide your face, feeling apologetic for the way you’ve lost the ability to exist as an active participant right now. Even more apologetic when you glance down at how fucking hard his cock is. Raging hard, so pretty with the tip sputtering precum for god knows how long. 

He watches you stare, and lends you a few moments to catch your breath by gripping it himself. Leaning himself against his desk and twisting his wrist with a tight grip at the base. 

“Is this how you looked at me when I did this before?” He asks, flicking his wrist still with each drag. “So out of it, you look like such a mess, babe.”

You find yourself humming a confirmation to him as you watch, almost reverting back to who you were during that first session. Unseen, only heard, all while you got to see him pleasure himself to almost nothing. You gave him nothing. 

You’ve still only given him nothing. 

And so, very slowly, you force yourself to stand on shaking legs to take those two strides to his desk. Something inside of you tingles when he drops his cock and opens his arms for you, like a good boss would do in this situation. Supporting your unbalanced weight, letting you walk into his comforting grasp. 

“Said my name so pretty, you know.” He comments gently when he holds you close to him. Hands reaching down from the grip around your waist just to grab both of your fleshy ass checks and squeeze them. “You want more, yes?”

He’s quick to the point, only allowing the short and sweet moments to last just enough for them to stick in your head. Just enough to have questions about his actions. Just enough to give him anything, everything, he could want if it involves your body.

You nod almost shyly, dipping your head down and leaning against his chest. 

“Let's get this off of you then.” He smiles with a gentle voice, reaching to the hem of your shirt and pulling it straight up, watching how you lift your arms to help him. “Mhm–” He hums again, loving how the bra drags off of you along with the shirt. He lets both of his hands brush your nipples before he goes back to gripping your ass cheeks and spreading them. 

Spreading them so wide that, once again, you have to lift on your toes just to let him play with your body. Which, oh man. Always wearing his button down shirts, his blazers, his long-sleeve shirts. You can’t help it when you tug at the opened fabric of his shirt, asking silently that he shake it off. Wanting to see his arms, wanting to see the strength in them.

And he does it without hesitation, letting his hands fall from you just for a moment to shake his shirt off, only now hugging against you again and forcing a position change. He turns both of you so now you’re up against his desk, and he’s standing in front of you.

It’s easy for him to push you back in a kiss. Your legs open for him on instinct anyway, so he need not worry about prying those legs open again. You do just as expected when he pushes you too. Your ass hits the desk and you lift on your toes to sit on it. Your legs spread wider, making room for him to step even closer, cock right up against you when he closes any amount of distance, and still? He’s kissing you. 

All across your face, down your neck, back to your lips. And his hands just keep feeling. Massaging your tits, lending small taps to your ass, holding your chin, jaw, neck, and then…he runs them through your hair. 

The feeling is so good you almost forget how you’ve been trying to steal a glimpse of his flexing arms as he grabs at you. Goosebumps prickle and you let out a groan at the pleasure of it. He keeps one hand there now, smiling against his kiss to your ear. 

“You like being pampered?” He asks, now gripping a fist full of your hair and skewing your neck to the side. “Like being moved around like a puppet?”

Never once have you thought about your sex life that way, but when you think about it…maybe. After all, you did enjoy being told when and how to touch yourself, being allowed or forbidden from cumming. Now, with him quite literally moving you around with just a simple grip of your hair? Yeah. 

“By you–” You mutter out as you open your eyes, staring at the ceiling and feeling his tongue lap against your earlobe. 

“Just me?” He leans back, using that same grip in your hair to force you to look at him. “You’d give me that power?”

You nod against the grasp, lips falling open in a moan despite not being pleasured by anything aside from the stinging against your scalp as he pulls little hairs a bit too tightly. 

“You know–” Sunghoon starts now, pressing his hips forward, dropping his other hand to his cock and slapping it right against your weeping cunt. “If I had known you were this dirty...”He sighs out at the image in his head, thinking back to all those times he silently complimented you in his head. Back then, never would he have made comments about your legs out loud, or how your tits would look in certain shirts. Thinking back now, he’s always found you quite beautiful.

Quite fuckable, even. 

You listen to the silence waiting for him to continue, feeling the way he presses the hardened head of his length against your clit repeatedly. 

“I would have propped you up on this desk months ago,” He smiles now, leaning in real close to your ear as his grip in your hair loosens just a bit. “Could’ve had you moaning my name this whole time.”

Then, you feel it. The way he adjusts his weeping cock lower, prodding at your hole just a bit until his tip is entirely enveloped by your clenching walls. 

You swallow a moan and hold your breath, legs shooting around his waist and instinctively trying to force his hips to move forward, trying to force him to penetrate you deeper.

“Shh,” He coos out, holding his hips firm and not letting you control his movements. Then, he kisses just under your ear before peppering them all the way back to your lips. He doesn’t kiss you though, no, he chuckles at you for trying. Watching you let your tongue fall from your mouth, inspecting the way you’re entirely in tune for him right now. “You really want it, don’t you?” He whispers just above your lips. “Want me to fuck you right here, right now?”

You nod absentmindedly, legs still trying to force him to move, arms clinging under his biceps, head still forced into whatever position he keeps it in by the hair. 

“Please–Sunghoon.” You cry in a small voice, feeling as if you’re going insane by the feeling of his tip sitting comfortably in you. 

“You’re so cute.” He smiles, lending you another inch of his length before letting his hand fall from your hair. There, he grips your waist instead, letting a strained grunt fall from his own lips this time. He’s really trying to remain collected about this, and he’s unsure himself why he’s enjoying the act of teasing you like this. He feels like he’s teasing himself more than you right now, seeing as how it’s taking everything in him not to stuff his cock into you hard and fast. “So–so, fucking cute.”

You clench around the few inches in you and it appears that’s all he needed to break entirely. Is he controlling you, or are you controlling him? 

Honestly, who gives a fuck?

You feel his arms shake when he plants them at either side of you, pointing his cock straight into you and sliding in fully. There’s a groan from him that you want to hear so badly, but your own heart beat is thumping in your ears so loudly that you miss half of it. 

The stretch is delicious, and the fact that it’s Sunghoon doing this to you makes this all the more enjoyable. The man who you’ve seen day after day, now holding himself up on the desk you’ve signed papers on with and for him? All so he can angle his hips and shove his cock in? Just to let his arms frantically wrap around your waist? Just so he can scoot you forward on this desk, using your leaking slick to slide you back and forth in time with his hips? 

That groan you wanted to hear? He hasn’t stopped. He’s essentially, controlling the entire situation and when you half open your eyes to witness his face, you’re forced to roll your eyes back in a moan matching his. 

He’s fucking you so deeply right now that all you can do is moan, all you can do is forget the embarrassment, the victimization, the way he’s doing this to you despite the risk of reality crumbling. He could lose his job, you could lose yours, and yet still– he’s fucking you like he doesn’t care.

So, you choose not to care either in the form of grabbing his hair, forcing his head back, and attaching your lips right against his adams apple. You feel him swallow and breathe out a shocked sound, and then? You suck.

Intentionally, you suck, bite, and lick, harder and harder until there’s a deep purple mark there. He doesn’t even fight it, though you feel him try to move his head just to keep you from going too insane with it. You don’t care though, because still you feel his cock splitting you open, forcing you to adjust to him. 

“Ah,” Sunghoon lets out another breath with that familiar chuckle, “Marking me now?” 

You hum a confirmation as you move to a new spot on his neck, absolutely fucking marking him. Feeling devastated by the idea that he’d do this with any other employee. Or any other person in general. 

“Making me all yours, huh?” He continues with his cocky words, feeling the way your pussy clenches him tightly, dripping all over his desk. He’d let you make him yours, with or without the bruising from your mouth. 

“Mhm.” You hum pleasantly, letting out little yelps each time he slams into you. Letting out full moans each time his arms wrap around your waist tighter. 

You continue with the act, littering his pretty neck with your touch and loving how he just lets you. Knowing that he’ll show up at work tomorrow looking a bit tired, but glowing nonetheless, trying to hide all these marks with that tight-necked collar he likes to wear. 

“Whatever you want.” He breathes, letting his hips lose rhythm for just a moment as he feels his muscles tighten. “Fuck, you’re still so tight.” 

You feel like you’re on top of the world as he compliments you, to the point you’re not sure when you’ll cum because your whole body has seemingly been feeling euphoria anyway. Everything feels good, even if his cock reaches deep enough to cause little jolts of pain. The sound of the desk scooting back through the force of his hips is enough to make you take it. Enough to squeeze your legs around him tighter, enough to clench, enough to– forget what you’re doing and let yourself fall into it with him.

Your head falls back from his neck and you pant out little half-calls of his name with each thrust. Your legs loosen from around him too, but his grip on your waist only pushes you back on his desk. Until he’s leaning forward so hard with each thrust that suddenly your back meets the cold wood.

Sandwiched between him and his desk, he follows the action, his hands quickly moving from your waist to your tits, pushing them together just so he can nuzzle his face between them.

There, you look at him. You really look at him. 

What a messy, messy, man. Always so pristine during working hours, now looking so wrecked and out of it as he chases a pleasure that you hope only you can give to him. 

“Mr. Park–” You sigh out in a pleasant voice, watching the way he sucks your tit into his mouth before his eyes open wide just so he can look up at you through each thrust. “Harder.”

You can physically see the way his eyes darken when he pops off from your tit, hands now going back to the desk as he hovers over you and intentionally rolls his hips. 

You feel his cock loosen you up painfully before he intentionally fucks into you. Dragging all the way out, just to push forward in a deep and painful thrust. Over and over again, all while he’s staring straight into your eyes.

As you look up at him, you see the intent in his face. The way he wants to give you exactly what you want. Sweat shining from his cheeks, his neck littered with pretty colors. Oh, he’s actually heavenly when he fucks. 

Better than what you thought that guy on camera would have been. He’s not nonchalant like he was when he was performing. He’s entirely in tune with you and what you want. Like what you want is what he wants. 

You can tell he’s paying no mind to his own face or expression, blatantly putting all of his thoughts into how he’s pleasuring you, his eyes searching your face to tell him he’s doing well. To tell him you feel good, to tell him you’re close or–

“Fuck–” He sighs out, teeth tracing his bottom lip as he glances up, keeping pace with the way he’s been plunging into you. “I can’t keep looking at you,”

You smile, feeling dazed and far away. It feels like it’s just you and him. You’re not in his office, on a desk, or doing anything you shouldn’t be doing. 

“You hear me?” He drops his body weight on you again, letting his hips move freely as he chases and chases. “I’m so close.”

Oh. 

“Then look at me.” You huff out, now shooting a hand between his flexed abs and simply…touching your clit once.

 “Oh–shit.” 

It hits you so fast. Just a simple touch causes your pussy to clench Sunghoon so tightly that he mimics your sound. 

“Ah, fuck- fuck,” His voice sounds frantic as he tries to pull out, only to feel your legs shoot back around him. This time, he lets you force him to stay. He lets those legs of yours push him back in, so deep that he knows he can’t fight. “No, no–” He chokes out, uncaring if his hips show you that he’s lying with his words. “I’m cumming– I need to–”

“Stay!” You shake beneath him but your voice sounds pleading, pressing once more to your clit before letting it go. You clench him again, essentially letting your body finish him off. Letting those clenches squeeze him so tightly, making sure he couldn’t fathom ever wasting his cum. “Don’t pull out.”

He doesn’t. In fact, he presses impossibly deeper, trying to bury his cock into you to the point it even pains him. Arms shaking as he tries to hold himself up again, only to drop his lips to yours under his own weight. His hips are so tense between your legs, his cock is so stiff that you can feel each pumped release, and still you’re experiencing your own euphoria through it. 

To the point your toes are curling and you barely notice the way you leave welts across his back from your fingernails through the intense orgasm. To the point his slack lips against yours feel more natural than anything else. Not kissing, just close. So close that–

He kisses you. 

After it’s all said and done, he still kisses you breathlessly. Passionately almost, clinging to you as his cock twitches as it grows flaccid inside of you.

He doesn’t pull out, he just…kisses.

And as you lay against his wooden desk, body coming down from the pleasure you’ve felt more than once within the past hour, all you can do is let your brain think on its own. Without shame, without embarrassment or anxiety. 

You thought Sunghoon would have been in control the whole time. Teasing you, maybe even making this experience more painful than it needs to be. But no, he…

He’s soft. Gentle, almost. 

Only now do you recognize that as badly as he probably wants to appear harsh, like the confident man he is on camera, you think he needs something else. Not just power, not just money or control. Not even just fucking. 

You think…maybe, Sunghoon needs connection. 

Intimacy. 

And that’s proven when he does finally stand on his own buckled knees, pulling you up with him into a hug where he still kisses you. Up until he takes that shirt you unbuttoned and holds it between your legs, scratching the back of his neck with a shy glance at you. 

“Sorry for the mess.” He echoes in a meek voice, holding that shirt firm against you. “Guess I just couldn’t help myself.”

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Days later, you find yourself in his bed. Which should have been expected probably. Still doesn’t change the fact that every few hours, you remind yourself the reality of the situation.

It’s not just any bed you’re in. It’s Sunghoon’s bed. 

“Oh, right. The promotion.” Sunghoon suddenly calls out mid-episode. 

You’ve been here with him all day. To the point neither of you bother to put on clothes now because you know the spark will come back at any given time and you’ll be all over each other again. Still, lazing in his bed with him on a Saturday afternoon is nice. 

“I’ve been a bit occupied but– the interviews for the assistant position has been pushed back a bit due to you not coming to work.  I was supposed to notify you when you got back, but you know, we had priorities–” 

Sunghoon sighs, embarrassed. It’s nice actually, seeing him in his natural element. Allowing you to see him as more than just the guy that wears a suit and tie every day at work. 

“Unrelated to us…doing this, but, you’re up for the interview. Just need to schedule it with me. If you still want to be my assistant, I mean.”

“Oh, I can only imagine what that could entail.”

Sunghoon seems offended by this remark as he pulls back with furrowed brows.

“Excuse me?”

“Did you fuck the last one too?” You give him a playful smile, prodding at his soft-skinned chest.

“Absolutely not?!” 

“You’re still gonna fuck me too though, right? Even if I’m constantly having to nag you for signatures and meetings?” 

Sunghoon stares at you before smiling. 

“Well, let's see if you get the job anyway. Rhonda from Marketing is applying too.”

You lend a half-joke gag at him. 

“Is it too forward to ask for special attention for the position along with a sexual favor?” You tread the thin line. “I’m half joking but wouldn’t it be like…normal for us to be seen around each other at work if I’m working a job that requires it?”

Sunghoon thinks hard.

“You’re really asking to fuck your way up the ladder?”

“Aren’t you the one who offered it so I wouldn’t tell your dirty little secret?” You narrow your eyes at him. “But no, I’m asking for the job I’ve been trying to earn for ages. Besides, I’d still fuck you anyway.”

“Fair.” Sunghoon thinks harder still. “Rhonda would probably find out too, if she were to get the position anyway, considering my assistants are often intertwined in my personal business as well.”

“Oh, I’m personal business now?”

“Babe, my hand has been on your tit for an hour now.” 

Well, he’s not wrong.

“Rhonda is really close with HR too…” You trail off, feeling a bit anxious. “I think she’d hold it over both of us if she found out.” 

“In all fairness, you’ve been considered for the job more than a few times the past few months. Rhonda only applied during your two week avoidance of me. The reason she’s even up for the position is because my boss thinks you’re too flaky.” 

Oh, so you have a chance with or without putting his dick in your mouth again?

“Who else has applied?”

“Confidential.” Sunghoon shrugs. “I still have to follow company rules even if we’re breaking a few of them right now. What I can tell you is, over fifteen other candidates have already been phased out by me personally.” 

You pause.

“Why?”

“Bad matches, mostly. Two of them have been caught talking shit about me through the company emails, and the others? Many outside applicants, all freshman college students with strict schedules.”

“Being my assistant is not an easy job, and even before all of this, you’ve practically been doing the job already, better than the current assistant I have.”

You damn fucking right you have.

“How many are still in the running?”

“Two.”

Oh, this job is soooooo yours. 

“Just, one more thing.” Sunghoon sighs. “If you get this job, we cannot be fucking in my office. No sexual stuff at work. We can take lunch together, or I’ll bring you home after work, but absolutely nothing at work.”

Oh, he thinks you want him that badly? 

“Who says I need to fuck you during work hours anyway? I know how to control myself.”

“It’s not you who I’m worried about.” Sunghoon looks away, biting the inside of his cheek.

“Yeah?” You smile. “You gonna be calling me into your office just to torture yourself?”

“Oh, absolutely.” 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

pls remember to leave feedback and reblog! :D love you!

[sunsh1n3s]

— make it up. ( don hume x reader )

a.n. nurse reader is inspired by bedside manner by snappleapple on ao3. i’m studying to be a nurse and the idea was cute when i read it, so credits to them for sparking my interest :)

contains. fem!reader, swearing, sick fic, also very long i apologize i couldn’t stop writing ideas

“boys, this is your nurse, y/n. she will be here during majority of the practices if you have any pain or anything concerning to your performances. please go to her, she’s kind, she doesn’t bite.” coach ulbrickson spoke, gesturing to y/n who walked forward.

the guys couldn’t help but check her out, the action didn’t go unnoticed. y/n cleared her throat and stood next to bobby. “like you listen to your coaches and bobby, you will listen to me. anything i instruct will be beneficial for your performances and health. trust me with what i have to order, i’ve been doing this for two years now. i’ve been here longer than you guys have on the team and im in medical school, i know i have an idea with what you deal with.” she spoke.

stern, pretty, and kind. it took the guys’ attention, and like every year; they would try and flirt with her.

throughout the ongoing practices and races, y/n was seen beside the coaches. she spoke with them on training and things to heal the team, or work their muscles. she had her own small room alongside the coaches, and the boys always hobbled their way to her. along with the cries of sore arms and sprained muscles, calluses, and headaches; flirting that never touched y/n’s heart followed.

bobby stood in y/n’s office, watching as she wrapped his hand. “has anyone given up on trying to woo you yet?” he asked. the two were bonded due to the years bobby had been there, and her main focus on the varsity boys. “nobody has given up yet- but one hasn’t even dared to try.” y/n informed. bobby and y/n shared a look, “don. he hardly talks, let alone to girls.” bobby teased while y/n snickered.

“they keep asking me if we’re together.” bobby rolled his eyes, making her laugh again. “jealousy over their own cox. i’ve heard that story before.” she joked. letting him go, bobby stopped at the doorway. “i think donny is pretty head over heels though-” “oh get out.”

shaking her head and cleaning up, y/n looked back out the window and saw don walking into the locker room. bobby’s words came to mind, but she couldn’t. it was her team, her patients, she wouldn’t.

for the next months, don didn’t hear the end of it when bobby caught his stroke staring at the nurse. eventually the boys stopped because they noticed their quiet guy head over heels. it was new, and boys will be boys, so they never let don’s crush on her down.

so when it was time to get her for the train to berlin, don was the one to get her.

placing her two suitcases on her bed, y/n packed for the quick and eventful trip; clothes, uniform, accessories, and whatever she needed for schoolwork. her medical boss had packed a bag of necessities, knowing once they signed her as the nurse for the team, she’d be set with whatever else she needed.

y/n wore her uniform to match the guys’ professionalism. though she preferred her comfortable clothes, she wanted to look nice.

a knock at her door stopped her from her packing, “come in.” she spoke softly, turning to the door once it opened. she didn’t expect to see a guy, let alone don hume. it took y/n by surprise that don hume was upstairs, surpassing a strict dormitory director and several girls; just to get to y/n’s room.

“hello don.” she greeted with a soft smile, folding up the last of her clothes and placing them in the suitcase. “hi.” he said, slightly awkward. he stood with his hands behind his back, not knowing where to stand or sit. y/n looked at him again, “go ahead and get comfortable. who’d you fight to get in here?” she questioned. she closed her suitcase and started getting to the other, adjusting the books and case for her writing utensils.

“i didn’t have to fight thankfully. ms stevens is stubborn though. uh- we wanted to share with you- uh a hat. the guys and i- since you’re our nurse.” don said, moving his hands forward to show the hat that matched their uniform. y/n looked at it and smiled at him, “oh that’s so sweet. thank you.” she thanked. he nodded and handed it to her.

“what’s medical school like?” don asked, sitting awkwardly at her vanity chair. y/n smiled, “it’s interesting. i enjoy it. i think because i’ve always wanted to help people. but with now my grades excelling and everything, i get to help you guys. i’ve had to learn a new course to treat you guys. i’m practically a physical therapist alongside being a nurse.” she spoke.

she walked over to her heels and put them on, walking in front of don. “how do i look, mr. hume?” she asked. she turned to grab and put on the hat before posing for him. don was breathless and she smiled softly at him. “beautiful.” he spoke. she beamed, “thank you.” she said, shocked at how much the compliment touched her heart.

there was another knock at the door, both straightened and y/n finished packing. coach ulbrickson walked in, looking at don with slight question but brushing it off. “y/n, you ready?” he asked, checking his watch and looking at her softly. y/n nodded, closing her other suitcase and grabbing her medical bag.

“hume.” coach motioned, don realized and quickly yet gently grabbed her suitcases. she smiled at him and they followed coach out of the girls dormitory.

little cheers from the guys came down the hallway once they noticed don with the suitcases, causing him to go red and for y/n to shake her head.

boarding the train was a hassle, y/n and don rushed in. reporters yelling questions about the two at them, and girls giving glares at y/n. “god i’m just a nurse!” she yelled out the door. y/n turned on the balls of her feet and walked down to a train seat. she placed her bag in one bench and don placed the rest beside it.

y/n turned to him, “thank you don, i owe you.” she said. he shook his head, “nah you don’t-” “i insist. i’ll make it up to you somehow.” she spoke. he couldn’t argue so he nodded and bid his goodbyes. y/n relaxed in her quiet evening as they traveled while he returned to the guys; getting teased for being a gentleman.

he returned later to see her asleep, she was bunched to keep warm. don frowned and retrieved a blanket for her, his blanket. she dealt with eighteen boys daily, and soon nine in a new country. she deserved rest and comfort.

that night, he slept cold while she slept comfortable and warm. he could care less.

berlin, something new for the team. the ten students and coaches followed directions and ignored reporters. questions were shot at the coaches and y/n.

they all were led to their rooms, y/n was farther from them as she was placed closer to the hospital wing. the guys watched as she left with a few nurses and settled into the atmosphere, speaking butchered german and following a doctor.

they all settled and don became exhausted.

the next morning, he felt terrible. he was too tired to go to the introduction. “i’ll get y/n.” tom spoke, letting ulbrickson and george make sure he was alright. the boys parted ways as her heels clicked through the hallway and into the room, wearing navy dress pants and a blouse to match them- she had planned to walk out with team, but her plans now changed.

y/n had her bag and stethoscope and everyone watched as she gently checked his forehead. “no fever. i’ll watch him, you guys go and be with the team.” she spoke. george insisted on staying back, “go george, support your boys.” she spoke softly. he left and y/n turned to don, “hey donny, what’s going on?” she asked.

“just tired.” he spoke, closing his eyes as she touched his face and neck. “anything sore?” she asked. he hummed, “muscles, but not like practice soreness. heavy soreness.” he spoke. y/n nodded, she helped him change and laid him down in bed.

y/n packed her things and was ready to leave. “can you stay?” don asked, she looked at him. his hand reached out for hers, “yeah i can, i’m sure the boys will be back soon.” she said. y/n placed a chair next to his bed and his hand was still stretched out as he dozed off, she held it gently and looked out the window.

the coaches returned and y/n walked out to the hallway to talk with them. “he has a low grade fever. one he can work through if he continues to rest tonight, he said he has muscle soreness but it’s heavy. the fever is hitting his body hard because he works it enough. it’s eating at his existing exhaustion, so i’m just keeping an eye on him. is there any demand for him for the rest of the night?” she informed, leaning against the wall.

the coaches looked at one another, “not until tomorrow. is he contagious?” ulbrickson asked. she shook her head, “he’s not coughing nor sneezing. the boys should be fine, we just keep monitoring him in case he gets worse. i gave him medicine to kill the fever, so he’s okay right now.” she explained.

the next day, don had to compete with the boys to make it to the final race. y/n watched with the coaches, they stood on the boarding dock and she watched as ulbrickson spoke to them. she walked down once he was done, “are you guys feeling okay?” she asked, the eight nodded. her eyes went to the ninth, who sat tired. she walked over, “you got this don. just push through and before you know it you’ll be able to rest. how are you now?” she asked.

he shrugged, “decent.” he answered and she nodded. she shared a concerned look with bobby, bobby gave her a reassuring nod and she got up and returned to tom’s side.

they all prepared to watch the boys race; as hoped they won.

y/n checked on don before leaving to go to the hospital wing. he was decent, but looked tired. his assurances to y/n didn’t fool her. so she beat everyone to it to report his illness.

sure enough, as she spoke to a doctor, the coaches rushed in. they brought don in where he was checked up on by doctors, they prescribed him medicine and couldn’t put a diagnosis to what he was sick with; but gave y/n what she needed. the coaches left with the doctor to move the rest of the boys.

a doctor returned to the room with ulbrickson, “he can stay with me. i’ll watch him and if he’s contagious i can try to get it out of him and send myself home to prevent risking anyone else’s health.” she spoke, resting a hand on don’s shoulder. she knew what she was doing, and the doctor trusted her, so they agreed.

the boys didn’t have any urge to tease don amongst one another, but they knew it’d be something they brought up in the future.

with a bed across from her, y/n helped don into bed while she unpacked his things alongside hers. “thank you.” he spoke, quiet. “no need to thank me, it’s my job.” she said softly, walking to him. “you didn’t have to do this though.” he continued. she smiled softly, “i know.” she answered.

overnight, don got worse. he threw up after practices, y/n found him sat next to the toilet in the middle of the night. she watched as he became pale and thin, and he watched her worries grow.

the night before the big race, he sat on the bathroom floor while she wet a cloth. “y/n you’re gonna get yourself sick.” he spoke, she kneeled down and wiped his forehead with the cold cloth then rested it on the back of his neck. his eyes closed and she retrieved medicine.

“i can leave early if you’re better and i’m sick.” she stated. he looked up at her, the way the light hit her made her look angelic. “we’re lucky to have you.” he spoke, he wanted to say im lucky to have you, but his nerves stopped him. he was afraid she’d stop and leave him there to suffer, only because he admitted he was just as infatuated with her as the rest of the guys were.

she crouched in front of him with medicine and water, “and i’m lucky to have you guys. especially you.” she said, watching him take the prescription. his hands shook in pure nerves as he handed the cups back. “why me?” he asked. “you’re kinder than them, yeah they’re nice and one is my good friend. but you make me feel normal, not some big deal because i’m a nurse to eighteen guys.” she explained.

y/n sat beside him, and he looked at her. “plus you’re cute, and talented.” she added, watching him go red with a bashful smile. “you’re brains and beauty, how lucky am i to have you as my nurse.” he spoke. she blushed now, letting out a soft laugh. don smiled once she did, and he felt better just by that.

“if only you weren’t potentially contagious and throwing up, i’d give you a big kiss.” she admitted. don fought his nerves, “you can make it up to me later.” he said. y/n blushed and bit back a smile, she couldn’t respond and felt like they swapped places. all she could do was intertwine her hand with his. “you have a big day tomorrow, let’s try and rest.” she gently said.

she helped him to bed and rested a cold cloth on his forehead. y/n slept lightly that night while he slept through the night calmly, she was just happy to see him not wake up until morning.

the olympics came and y/n stood with don at the dock. he looked down at her with some nerves, she smiled at him lightly. “push through. i believe in you. america does too.” she added. she kissed his cheek and let him join the guys, he smiled and they all jokingly nudged him.

“thanks for getting our don happy and moving.” bobby thanked her, smiling and winking. y/n waved him off and smiled, “good luck bobby. yell at him if needed.” she said.

the coaches watched with y/n, the race was remarkable. y/n watched bobby spark don back up, and they pushed towards first place. it was a questionable ending.

y/n paced on the dock, waiting for the answer. ulbrickson watched ahead as the man walked to the microphone; everyone went silent as he held up the photo. “america.” he declared. cheers roared through the stadium and the boys cheered. y/n smiled and joined ulbrickson and tom, who watched proudly.

they all watched the boys pass the wreath, which they brought back to her and picked flowers for her as thanks for everything. thanks for taking care of their boy. hugs were shared and don stayed back. “how are you feeling?” she asked him. “like i could spend the rest of my life with you.” he said, boldly. the statement took her aback and she smiled, “i won’t ask you yet, but let me take you out first.” he added.

the boys cheered, knowing he was going to ask her to be with him somehow. y/n blushed, “i’m yours.” she responded. they shared a smile and returned to the team. the boys teased don all their way back to the rooms.

don sat in his bed, exhausted. y/n walked up to him and checked his forehead. “olympic winner.” she smiled, which he returned. “i won when i got to share a room with the brains and beauty we call the team nurse.” he admitted, nicknaming her the brains and beauty.

y/n beamed and couldn’t stop herself, she kissed him softly and he tensed. yet he relaxed at her touch and pulled her close, taking in the moment. she pulled away and he was blushing, smiling, and scared. “i’ll be fine, i had to make it up to you.” she assured.

— j’s note. this was super long, but i’m sure you guys don’t mind. i hope you enjoyed, and i hope to write another sometime soon! i’m busy with school and some mental stuff, but once i get ideas i’ll write you guys more.

[chasedbyatlantic]

finally alone, joel miller

masterlist summary: IN WHICH — you and joel miller are nothing but flirty towards each other, no matter the situation. when the two of you decide to take an unauthorized visit outside of jackson, it really shows.

warnings: post outbreak!joel, jackson era!joel, gender neutral!reader, no use of y/n, fluff, implied-ish relationship, friends to lovers type beat, mentions of cheating/death/hooking up, reader is a bit of a player, stripping, swearing. lmk if i missed anything else!

wordcount: 2.3k

a/n: guys comment what u want me to write abt cuz im running out of ideas haha :,). remember to like, comment, reblog and follow for more! xoxo

—

It was a torrential downpour right now, the sun had disappeared hours ago and there was nowhere to wait it out. It was nice and sunny this morning when the two of you had left the walls, passing by the sleepy guards with no issues whatsoever. Tommy had given everyone working the walls instructions to not let you or his brother go through without clearing with Tommy first, but some rules are meant to be broken, right?

Not that you had a bad reputation, but not too many of the conservative mothers and elderly were fond of you. It had to have been because of your loud mouth, you had convinced yourself. But the weeks following yours and Joel's arrival, you were sure it was more than just your loud mouth. You were always on edge, and ready to fight people for what you needed- for Christ sake, you lived outside of the walls for ten years, you couldn't have been any different. It probably also didn't help that you hooked up with a married man or two, but that's besides the point.

You and Joel were partners, not literally, but the two of you had been teamed up for a while. You met at the Boston QZ when Marlene, the leader of the Fireflies, had tasked the both of you to move 'precious cargo'. You grew close to Joel, and eventually Ellie. After arriving at Jackson, Ellie had separated herself a bit from Joel and you, but you two remained tied at the hip, despite what everyone thought about it.

People had suspected and assumed what was happening between you and Joel, that you two were a couple and you were cheating on him with married men. First of all, the two of you weren't together, and second of all, those men wanted to fuck you, not the other way around. You and Joel had only laughed off the allegations, not really giving a shit about what anyone else thought about the two of you.

The two of you were completely drenched, right through your clothes, when you arrived at the place you had planned to visit, a Walgreens. Well, an outdated Walgreens. You could tell the place was still stocked with food after twenty years, there were just a few runners the two of you had to get rid of. You two were at the back of the Walgreens, the employee entrance. "Do we have to go in?" You asked, "I wanna stay out and dance in the rain!" You had to have your voice raised a bit, the water muting many of the room tone-like sounds.

He checked the clip in his pistol, before shoving it back in. "Y'ur actin' like we ain't gonna have all the time in the world to dance in there, plum." You hated that, plum. First of all, he knew you absolutely hated the name, second of all, plums were your least favourite fruit. "I'll feed you to those runners if y'ain't careful." You threatened him.

Joel shook his head, knowing you wouldn't do anything. It was funny, really, you saying you would hurt him. He found it cute if anything. "Ya' know what to do in there, you get one'n I'll get the others." You nodded your head as Joel silently opened the door. The three runners in there turned their head and screamed, immediately running to the two of you. They spared you some time, though, from tripping over everything in the way.

Joel went first, shooting at the one that had flew over for him. It went down without a fight, and you had leaped over its body in a careful matter. You were better in hand-to-hand combat, so you had your machete swinging to cut half a head off of the runner. When the runner you had killed fell to the floor, another gunshot and body drop was heard from where Joel was. You turned to see all three down, Joel almost grinning. "Too easy, eh?"

You shook your head, your eyes rolling. "Alright pretty boy," You said, "Help me drag 'em outside." He holstered his weapon, sliding a sly 'yes ma'am' to you before helping, knowing that would drive you crazy. It did, though you chose to ignore it. The two of you were very flirty with each other, it was a second nature in all honesty. Though, you didn't mind it, Joel was anything but ugly.

He helped you bring the former-runners outside, it only took a couple minutes - you two didn't want to go back outside, but you had to do what needed to get done. Once the two of you were finished, Joel had locked the door, which meant the two of you were stuck in here for a while. "Did the list get destroyed?" You questioned him, as he searched through his bag. Joel, not long after, took out a small piece of paper with a grin on his face. "All good."

Not too long after, you were down one aisle, Joel the one beside. You decided to sort of split up, and efficiently scavenge for what you needed to get. You two wanted to keep this place on the downlow, in case things ever went south in Jackson and you needed a place to take Ellie to. It was perfect, really, despite the few runners that were here previously. Food, water, medicine, shelter, everything you needed when the world was in this state.

The two of you were in comfortable silence, until you broke it. "Joel?" You had called out, a small 'hm?' being returned from him not long after. "What type of, uh- lotion did she want? There's forty different kinds." Your eyes scanned the shelf, reading every different label. Ellie had promised you that she wouldn't tell anyone about yours or Joel's whereabouts if you picked her up this certain type of lotion, one to help her bite be less itchy, or something.

"Uh," He began, "Nivea? 'M not sure." Your eyes scanned the shelf once more, before picking up the bottle and sliding it in your bag. It almost slipped out of your hands, you were still completely drenched from the shitty weather outside. Just as you were about to leave that aisle, and join Joel at his, something caught your eye. This is perfect, you thought to yourself, you needed a good laugh and this would crack you up.

You reached for the wrapped box, "Joel?" You had called out once more. You heard shifting around from the other side, "What is it?" He replied. You threw the box over to his side, putting your hand over your mouth as you tried to muffle your laughs. The thud of the box hitting the floor was the only other sound, other than you laughing of course.

"Really?" Was heard from the other side, "Condoms? Real fuckin' mature o'you." This sent you through the roof, honestly. Maybe it was the lack of sleep you had been getting for the last few weeks, or that this was genuinely ridiculous, but you just bursted out with laughter. Let the whole world hear you, you thought to yourself, who cares.

"I'm sorry!" You had exclaimed in between laughs, "It was too fuckin' funny not to!" You slipped past into Joel's aisle, looking for him. He wasn't there. Your laughs calmed down, "Joel?" You drug out the last part of his name, curiously stepping forward. As soon as you did that, you felt arms wrap around you and pick you up. Not arms of a clicker, no, but arms that felt too familiar to your waist.

Joel spun you around, his chin resting in the crook of your neck from behind. The roles were reversed, he was now the one with the laughing fit and you were the unamused one. You had let a few 'let me go!'s escape your lips, trying your best to stay upset, though it didn't work for long. Joel set you down after a few more spins, trying his best not to fall over from the dizziness.

Things between the two of you were complicated, you hooked up all the time but were nothing official. It felt weird, making things official during a time like this. Nobody wanted to care for someone too much, since they didn't know what tomorrow would bring. It was a mutual feeling, you were sure of it, you just didn't know what to do about it.

"I hated that." You flatly-as-possible said that to him, as you turned and faced him. He met your gaze, you could stare into his eyes all day. "That's what you get." He had simply replied to you with, this earned a confused look and a raised eyebrow from you, "Excuse me?" Joel could only hold his smile back, "They were too small, should've at least thrown over the right size."

For fuck sakes, Joel Miller. You slapped him on the shoulder after he broke the shared gaze and walked off, yelling a 'Christ, Joel!' as you chased after him. He drove you crazy, and he knew that. Not a bad crazy, not anything close to that. Whatever crazy it may be, it was mutual.

With another hour of scavenging under the two of yours' belts, you both grew tired. You were still wet from outside, your hair had started to dry, though. Both Joel and you had found an upstairs to the grocery store, it looked to be an employee break room or something like that. You had brought up a few blankets, candles and matches, and a change of clothes. You had set up the candles around your room, not as a romantic gesture, but as a light source. Obviously the power wasn't working, and the two of you needed to see what you were doing.

Joel had set up the blankets by the time the last candle was lit, a proud look to his face. You took notice, as you shrugged off your bag and bent down to untie your boots. "You're a great blanket-layer, Mister Miller." He tsked when you had said that, "No need to remind me." He took notice of you starting to unzip your pants, and push them down. He rose his brow, waiting for you to explain what you were doing.

You took notice of this after you had removed your pants, and stood back up to get your shirt, "What? I'm soaked." Joel had completely forgot about that, in all honesty. His clothes were soaked through as well, no doubt in that, he was just too caught up in the moment with you that he had pushed it to the side. He had removed his shirt as you took yours off, if someone else was to see this, they would definitely think something else was happening.

You two had stripped down to just your undergarments and towel-dried yourselves off. God bless Walgreens for carrying everything, you had thought to yourself. In no time, the two of you were dressed back up in comfortable clothes for the time being, making an unspoken decision that you guys would spend the night.

You were the first one to lay down on top of the blankets Joel had set up, Joel was looking through his bag for something. "Can we just stay here forever, you'n me?" You asked, eyes closed and sprawled out. He could only chuckle in response, "What 'bout Ellie?" Shit, you had forgotten about her. You were too caught up being with just Joel that you had forgot Ellie was at home, probably wondering where the fuck the two of you were. "Pass me the walkie," You asked, "Let me call her."

That was what you did, you went onto the right channel and began talking into the walkie talkie. It took a minute or two until you actually got a response from Ellie. She had made sure you two were fine, and not 'absolutely fucking deceased' (her words, not yours). With much reassurance and whatnot, you soon bid your farewells to her, and had promised you would be back the following day. Ellie had also made the comment saying not to 'come back knocked up', sounding like your mother. This earned Joel to yell at her from the background, but only made you laugh. You loved that kid, like your own.

You placed the walkie down, moving to one side of the not-so-bed bed. "Joel," You groaned, "Hurry up, I'm freezing." You complained. You were in wet clothes for hours, you were bound to be frostbitten at this point. Joel was your heat source for tonight, though he didn't mind, not one bit. With you basically cuddled up to him the entire night, it brought ease to him sleeping.

He shortly lay down beside you, stretching his arm out which had only caused you to lay on his chest. He was chewing something, it smelled too familiar. "What're you eating?" You had hummed, a yawn following your question. "Dried plum." He only replied, doing everything in his power to suppress his grin.

You shook your head, well, as much as you could with your head laying on Joel's chest. "Where the fuck did you even get dried out plums? That's the stupidest thing ever." Joel didn't think it was, plums were his favourite fruit- he wouldn't say anything about that, though, not yet. If you didn't want to eat any plums, he would help you out. This was another case of the olive theory. "One of Maria's friends does 'em, seriously, you should try 'em."

You bickered with him about it for a moment, dropping it the next. Joel loved when you bickered with him, it made you two sound like an old, married couple- though you weren't, not yet. He loved how you would rant on about your hate for plums, or what you had done during the day throughout Jackson. He was just happy to be finally alone with you, not being able to handle anymore time spent not by your side.

—

finally alone, mac demarco

[mayxo-hxh]

do u think illumi is bad at cooking ? i have a feeling he would be but im not fully convinced , what are ur thoughts ?

I think that hc is based off of the fact that Illumi as a Zoldyck probably 100% had professional chefs prepare him all 3 meals everyday. And while I definitely agree with that, I also think there is no way the Zoldycks have not taught Illumi survivability skills that included the basics of cooking or making your own food with what you're provided (like chucking em in the zoldyck forest and they just gotta find their own food from there for a month)

How I see it, from the logical pov he doesn't necessarily cook. He knows the basics, but thats about it. BUT if he were given a recipe book, he can replicate the meal down to a T. He can definitely cook textbook perfect recipes if he wanted to.

Whether that counts to "bad at cooking" or not is up to u tbh but im also one of those people that find it very funny if he would just ruin the entire kitchen on one saturday night because he lacked the knowledge of fundamentals like not leaving oil for too long on the stove or having to be careful of cleaning meat to not spread salmonella all over your kitchen. you learn through practice after all and when it comes to standing in an actual kitchen i think he had about none

maybe shit like salmonella wouldnt affect him but.......... poor hisoka lmfao

my general hc for illumi cook is he learned a lot through watching hisoka cook first and foremost and was supervised by hisoka the first few times before he was trusted enough to be set free in the kitchen. I see hisoka having a whole written textbook of recipes he saw and likes to make and illumi uses that as his guide to making whatever he needs in there.

there are still ways for him to mess up even with all these pillars of support but imo that doesnt make him a bad cook yknow? It's like that one meme abt someone asking u to heat up a cup of water and u send them back a photo of a glass cup on the stove. He would just take things too literally but hes a fast learner so im sure after a good year of living with back and forth practice he'd become perfect at proper safe cooking.

TLDR he cooks just not safely and needs very clear proper instructions and guidance and proper practice to truly thrive but that does not make him a bad cook by definition. does that make sense.

[hp-hcs]

IM THE ONE WHO REQUESTED THE THEODORE X MALE READER THING AND IT WAS AMAZING I LOVE IT SO MUCH OMG

i’m glad!! 😭😭 i was stressing out so much over that one cause there’s no real coherent plot but i pROMISE I KNOW WHERE THE STORY’S GOING

ends at kind of a weird spot cause idk how to end anything ever

ty to the person who said this could be a five part series. i appreciate your confidence in my attention span.

requests? please, sir, i want some more 🥺🤲

this fire ain’t the only thing that’s camp (Chapter Two of Splinched) — death eater! theodore nott x splinched! male! muggleborn! reader

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Theodore comes tromping back into the clearing with an armful of branches, twigs, pinecones, and duff. He clumsily dumps the load into the snow, wiping snow off of the log-turned-bench by the fire pit, and sitting down.

“Okay, now what?”

“Build the fire,” you instruct. “Make a pyramid shape.”

You bring your hands together so that your palms are far apart but your fingertips touch, making an ‘A’ sort of shape to illustrate your point.

“The pine needles and dead leaves and stuff, that’s all great tinder. It’ll burn the quickest, and help start the fire. Put that in the middle of your pyramid. Build your pyramid around that with the kindling; the twigs and thinnest branches.”

Theodore does as you say, making a rather shoddy pyramid that he seems quite proud of.

You pull your blanket tighter around yourself. You sit inside the entrance of the tent, the flap open and pinned back so you can still talk to Theodore.

You had caught a nasty fever the day after Theodore’s spell, leaving you incapacitated for days. To make matters worse, an unexpected snowstorm—nearly a month too early—froze the entire forest. The storm itself reeked of bad magic; everything about it seemed unnatural.

Merlin must’ve had a vendetta against you both, because additionally during that time, Theodore’s wand had begun to spark and malfunction. The Dark spell he’d cast must’ve done serious damage to the core. But his wand had fully given up that morning, shriveling up and blackening like a spent match.

You toss him your lighter and watch as he unskillfully manages to light the tinder, by the grace of God, and cheers with a loud whoop! that sends the birds in the nearby trees scattering into the air.

“Now just add the bigger branches as needed,” you advise, your teeth chattering.

Much to his chagrin, Theodore was quite relieved with your silly Muggle knowledge. He had no idea how to make or light a campfire without his wand, but you assured him that it wasn’t difficult to do the Muggle way.

Glancing over at you with a dumb, silly grin on his face, quite proud of his own achievement, he opens his mouth to mock-boast, only to have his breath stolen from him.

You still look quite sickly, rather weak and tired, but you really make quite a sight. Against the dull olive of the tent and the muted dark blue of the blanket you’re completely enveloped in, the red, sick flush of your face stands out quite a bit. White snowflakes dot your eyelashes, and your pretty eyes seem to track his every movement.

Stop it, Theodore. You have a job to do.

Clearing his throat, he makes his way back to the tent, ducking in and sitting next to you while occasionally glancing over to keep an eye on the fire.

Your face barely peeks out from the thick blanket as you peer out at him. You clearly are thinking of asking him something.

Please don’t ask why I did it, please, for the love of Merlin, don’t ask, don’t as-

“Why’d you help me?”

Fuck.

“Hm?” Theo hums, as if he hadn’t understood you, wrapping one of the spare blankets around himself.

“You could’ve just left me to bleed out. Or you could’ve said fuck it and Apparated anyway. Why’d you help me?”

“The Dark Lord doesn’t like his things damaged,” Theo says in a gruff voice, any friendliness in his demeanor completely vanishing and signaling the end of the conversation.

You just nod, retreating back into your blanket cocoon.

You both sit in silence.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Chapter Three

[borderlinebox]

Lose My Mind

Summary: Sunato Banda had found his interest in you, a psychiatrist.

Pairing: Sunato Banda x Psychiatrist!Reader

Warning: AiB normalities, Urumi acting like she's manipulating you, a little bit botched jack of hearts cause I forgot how the game went, manipulation, deaths mention, not proofread!!

A/N: Apologies for taking a while to post!! Ive been busy lately with my university but Im slowly working my way through the requests!

Request from Wattpad: Can i request a psychiatrist reader x sunato banda please, I think it would be fun to see how they would interact :) take your time if u do decide to write btw <3

Feedback is highly appreciated!!!

"Please put on the collar and proceed to the room upstairs."

The same ai voice rang through the small room you walked upon in. It was clear to you that the game must've included something about trust or a guessing game due to the looks of the collar. There was a small, circular display of a screen on the back of it.

You gulp before placing the collar onto your neck.

There was no going back now.

Feeling the light cold from the contraption, you made your way up the stairs and into a room full of other people just standing there. They all had the same collar as you.

For the time being, you decided to do what you do best; observe.

Back in the real world, you were a psychiatrist. Which meant you would study harsh behavioral disorders based on your diagnosis. You were relieved on how much your job had helped your ass during games like diamonds and hearts. It also allowed you to understand others and be able to adapt to their personality.

Maybe you wouldn't call yourself manipulative, but you definitely had the great advantage and ability to.

Your mind suddenly went blank when your eyes stopped and stared at a man from the other side of the room.

Sunato Banda.

Yes, you've heard bout him in the papers before, in the real world.

And then, it seemed like you had been staring at him for a bit too long and he seemed to take notice of your gaze. Banda started to stare back at you, as if he was observing you like you did him.

When you realized this, you quickly gathered back your surroundings and looked away from him.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see that he had interest in you. A dark interest.

As soon as everybody filled out the game's player registration, the big tv screen in front of them turned on - revealing a jack of hearts card.

Everyone listened intently to the game's instructions.

And confirming your earlier suspicions; this is a game of trust. You could already tell, straight off, that most of the players in this room would go off and lie when the option and possibility is given.

Then most of them had gone off in groups or pairs.

Currently for you, you needed to find somebody you could trust. So you needed to observe everybody else first. You're too unbelievably close to finishing off this game - you needed to survive.

That poor boy with his one eye hidden decided to pair up with Sunato.. And it seemed like Sunato had already established his superiority over him.

You looked off to the side and found a boy who seemed like he was having a breakdown every two seconds sitting next to white-hooded other. It was rather odd and unique that they were paired, considering the fact that one of them looked calm and collected and the other was wild and shaky.

You really did feel bad.

But you couldn't do anything about it.

You felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around to reveal a girl in a blue lollita dress - It was the same lady who suggested going in groups.

"Hey, you seem like you need a team... Do you wanna join our group?" She smiled 'innocently'.

Hesitantly, you looked at the group behind her. They were all so desperate in leaving this place alive that they forgot how to work smarter. Some were shivering, some were talking over others..

"Yeah, sure." You accepted and gave her a quick smile.

You had to accept naturally, otherwise they may suspect you as the jack of hearts. And it was too early for you to die.

She smiled. "Wonderful! My name is Urumi, yours?"

"My name is-" You were cut off by somebody asking if they could join the group and it seemed like Urumi had quickly forgotten about you.

You exhaled through your nose in slight annoyance. Then you darted your eyes off to the side and found Banda watching you again. His newfound lacky had disappeared into the small cafeteria.

Eyes narrowing at him, you were about to go and interact with him, get some non-verbal information from him at least, until Urumi touched your shoulder again with her bright, fake childish smile.

"Why don't we go to the cafeteria?" She persuaded in exaggeration, like a kid convincing for their mom to buy a toy for them. "We can have a group meeting there."

It felt like you had caught the eye of many people, like they knew who you are and what you can do.

You certainly know that you've caught Banda's eye, and now this Urumi girl seemed to be the most friendliest to you.

However you knew better than to trust someone like her, but you needed to follow her instructions for now so you wouldn't raise any sort of suspicion. You had to give her the steering wheel for now.

"Sounds like a plan." You answered her, giving one last glance back at Sunato as she continued to drag you away from the main room to the cafeteria.

-

"You're a club!" Urumi chirped happily, and the group members behind her agreed on with her.

Truth. The cogs in your head told you.

You were sure they said the truth. You looked around and smiled thankfully, "Many thanks." Bow.

After a while, it was time to answer your suit. You made your way to the cell of your choice and waited until the bot's voice said any further instructions.

"Please answer your selected suit."

"Club."

3 - 2 - 1 - Ding! Congratulations, you didn't die.

You sighed in relief and dusted off some dirt of your clothes before leaving your small cell. You guessed nobody had died this round, it's too early for the Jack to start their attack.

You opened the cell and were greeted by everybody else around you, and you were right; no one died. Your group got together in the center hall, all bowing and thanking their fellow teammates.

All of you started to tell each other their symbols once again until that one big bully decided to cause a scene. It was no surprise to you though.

He started threatening and attacking the poor man he forced to team up with him, pushing the victim onto the ground as they cried.

Banda was quick to pick the pitiful man up. "Are you okay?"

That struck you as odd. Surely, it did surprise you.

But then he leaned down onto the crying man's ear and whispered something to him. Despite his back was facing you, it was awfully obvious that he had a plan.

Seeing that the game was a hearts, and it needed you to evaluate how much you can trust one another; you also guessed that Sunato told the guy to lie.

It was only inevitable.

When the attacker was about to strike again, he was stopped by his words.

"Club! You're.. a club.." he cried, begging him to not hurt him anymore.

What a sad display in front of you. But it was the duality seen in reality. Where the bigger people fight the weak just to show the dominance they have over them. But it is a world that you have accept. You looked down in shame - not for yourself but for the humanity you live with.

"Don't wait so long next time." The bully chuckled and left.

He walked by you and his collar was in fact, not a club. Nobody decided to tell, letting the foolish man fall into his inescapable death.

After that, slowly, people died. One by one. It started off with that half-witted man, then the man who lied and so forth, so on. And it was all because of Urumi with her suspicions.

It was clear as day that she liked manipulating people using her childish charms.

You were thinking on leaving the group as you sat on those cafeteria benches.. But how were you going to do it without seeming suspicious? Well, you had no choice but to start avoiding her or tell her right away. But maybe next round, there was 20 minutes left and you had just done that group meeting. Thankfully, they haven't lied yet, or else you would have some serious problems.

"Hey."

You know that voice. You could feel your breath hitching and your nervousness starting to rise, but you had to keep yourself composed. Don't show fear.

You turned around to face him, "Banda."

He smirked darkly at you - A smile you've seen a thousand times on people like him.

Banda made his way to sit in front of you. He had his interest piqued at the very moment he had his eyes on you at the start of the game. He knew you were way ahead of the rest. The way you narrowed your eyes at people you were reading.

It also felt like he knew about you way before this game. Dare I say; world.

"I've seen you eyeballing me every time you enter a room." Banda taunted as his small, creepy smile never went away.

"You act as if you don't do the same." You remarked. "I know who you really are, Sunato Banda."

He grinned at you. "Feisty, I like that about you. Putting up a wall so nobody would know what you really think of others."

You only blinked slowly at him. What was he trying to get on about? Why were you even talking to him anyway?

"You'd be surprised." You shrugged his way.

And why were you entertaining him?

"You know, you're group is starting to become extinct rats. What are you going to do when they all died off?" Banda started making a good point.

"What? Am I supposed to say I'll ask for your help?" You asked suspiciously, a little offended.

"What else are you going to do?" He chuckled, soon turning to a dark point. "Just so you know, you don't have to trust in me. I have a feeling that my partner isn't telling me the 100% truth - and when your group dies down, you'd have no one to turn to."

"What are you trying to say?" You knew exactly what he was going to say.

"Why not help each other out? I do you a favor, you do mine."

"And what if you're the jack?"

"What if you're the jack?" Banda played along with signature smile.

Your eyes narrowed at him, a little pissed off. Two can play at this game. "Fine then," You crossed your arms on the table, "Suppose my group does die, and I do listen to your advice - What do you suppose you would do with me after? It's not like I'll easily trust a serial killer."

Banda sneered while placing both of his palms on the table and leaned closer to you, all up in your face with a snarl, "Sometimes, you make me lose my mind."

You leaned closer, "Too bad you already lost it."

With that you chose to stand up from your place at the table, not daring to look back at him. You could already tell he was starting to break character and the real, angry psychopath was starting to show. The true darkness and power that a man like him can hold over their victim. It was already on display at the very first second of this match - everyone was just blind.

But, much to his surprise, you turned around a little, not a full turn where your whole face was visible. You gave him a somewhat sympathetic smile - hard to know if it was fake or not.

"But, I'll be keeping your offer in mind." You chimed before waltzing your way out of the cafeteria with a racing heart.

Did you seriously just back-talked a criminal? Yes, Yes you did.

While you were busy feeling a little bit confident of yourself, which is quite suspicious and yet wrong in a game like this, you didn't notice a pair of eyes watching your back with dubiety.

After another round of this jack of hearts game, it felt like none of them was getting a speck closer into finding out who the jack might be. You gathered with your groupmates once again, waiting for your turn.

"So, what's my symbol?" You asked, trusting them.

"You're a... spade!" Urumi smiled innocently as she swayed lightly, her blue dress flying around lightly. Hand fiddling with the pink pocky stick in her hand.

Lie. Your head told you.

Your eyes widen in shock and terror as you processed the doom that you were in. For the very first time, you were being told a lie in your group.

After what seemed like hesitating more than confirming, the only members left of the group nodded their head and agreed on the symbol. The way they confirmed it was so transparent, you could tell how much of a lie it was, just because their tone of voice and their faces were all so fake.

But you decided to play along.

"Thank you." You nodded.

It didn't take long for the group to disband again, going their separate ways.

You went your own, really separate way alright. You went to Banda, much to your very own disappointment with your so called team.

,

"So you decided to finally come to terms, hm?" Banda played as he followed the lines of the brick walls in the small room in a hallway nobody would really bother to check, especially with a people of this amount left. He was very cocky.

"I said what I said, and I keep my word." You recalled, leaning against the wall with folded hands as you watched Banda slowly come closer to you, his index finger still tracing the dusty old grout.

Eventually, he got closer to you that he was practically 2 inches apart from your figure.

"Sounds trustworthy." He replaced his index finger with his whole palm, up against the wall. "Now I trust you'll tell me the truth?"

"I'll tell the truth if you do the same. I think you know that I'm more than capable to tell the difference between a truth and a lie. No matter how good you are, everybody always have a tell." You didn't meet his eyes yet, you stared off blankly into space but you were very confident and were true to your word.

Banda grinned at you, it made you look at him with your own blank eyes. "No strings attached?"

"No strings attached." You echoed back. Both you and Banda had agreed that both of you wouldn't try to control the other, just simply telling each other's symbols until the end of the game. After all, both of you know how many colors manipulation comes in.

"Your symbol is a heart." He answered.

Truth..

You walked behind him and read his collar, "Spade."

Sunato smiled once more at you, he seemed to trust your words. His partner must've answered the same so it was somewhat of a 100 percent chance for him to be alive this round but you knew that it wasn't going to be the end just yet. Someone was bound to lie some time.

Both of you then made your way to that cell room of yours, watching Urumi walk into her own as she smiled so sweetly your way before walking in.

What a bitch, you thought.

"Please answer your selected suit."

"Heart."

It was correct... The doors unlocked as soon as you realized you had survived. One by one, you heard doors open from the outside. You had counted the amount of players that were left, walking in their cells, so determining how many doors would be opened, it would tell you how many players had survived.

Unfortunately, another player seemed to have passed away. But it wasn't to your surprise.

The real surprise that was about to ensue was to Urumi, who was very shocked and quite pissed off that you were still alive. She had guessed that you had somebody else to trust other than her.

The way she watched you as you walked pass her through the cafeteria was just so full of hatred.

But the real threat to her was her groupmates. Not only were they losing faith in her - she was starting to lose trust in them. It was bound to be a lose-lose situation that would never seem to find its solution.

And as another few rounds went by, your conclusion was true.

Everybody from your group had disappeared, all with their necks blown off in the cells they all last departed to before their certain deaths.

It was a pity for all of them to have died. They wouldn't have had to die if only they were good enough to each other and speak nothing but the truth. But alas, none of them could trust the other.

Each round, usually when Banda's partner was long gone and off to the food section by himself, you would meet up with Banda where nobody else could see and exchange answers of the symbol on your collar and some other information both of you had gathered in safety of the other in the game.

You had told Banda that you had to team up with the white hooded boy with bleached-blonde hair who was formerly in your group but started phase out with the other guy with the yellow shirt. Both of which, you learned their names were Chishiya and Ippei. In order for you to not look suspicious in front of everybody else who was alive.

You couldn't help but feel bad for that one Ippei guy. He really was too kind for this world. It made you wonder how he got this far. Too bad he stranded in the Jack of Hearts game.

Sunato understood your reasons. For a serial killer, he was quite smooth with his words and made very good points from time to time. He was surprisingly a good person to chat with and pass the time.

Both of you learned each others aspects of being a serial killer and a psychiatrist, often play small and few rounds of a guessing game to figure out what the other thinks about or do or anything along those lines.

That's until what seemed like the last round came.

You were with Chishiya but Ippei had sadly passed away. He really shouldn't have been here in the first place. He didn't deserve it. You had a sure feeling that Chishiya was trustworthy enough to go through with your plan of surviving and you hoped that he didn't see you as a threat as well.

There was no real point in lying to him anyways.

In these few rounds, you've noticed how intelligent and observant he really was. It seems like the only last few who were left were the ones who stayed quiet and listened instead of going around and assuming others.

Both of you were sure that the jack was going to make the move.

Anyways, despite the fact you were with Chishiya, he told you not to tell him his symbol yet in order to get some answers from the people he seemed to suspect.

And as the plan went on smoothly, when everybody was gone from the small food section, you told each other your symbols and parted ways. You promised Banda that you'd meet up one last time in the same small room down the hallway.

"About time you showed up, I've been waiting here for 5 minutes." Banda turned around to you.

"And that's all the time it took for you to start losing your head up your ass, huh?" You teased back with unamused eyes.

He didn't really like that so he narrowed his eyes at you. Something he took from you, due to your little habit. "What happened?"

"Nothing much. I just had to do a plan with that Chishiya guy. Really helpful. You?"

"I also teamed up with another guy. Similar to ours. We both believe that we have many things in common." He answered willfully, everything coming out of his mouth was the truth.

It honestly stunned you, the fact hoe he actually was telling the truth about every word he tells you. You were just expecting more unsuspecting and cocky lies, same to everybody who had currently died at this game. Instead, you were met with a man who wanted to survive as much as you do. Maybe even as manipulative as you if you were.

"Reasonable. How sure are you that the guy you're with is the jack of hearts?" You asked.

"I mean considering the fact that you can tell the difference between a truth and a lie, shouldn't you know?" Banda sassed back at you, tilting his head with delight.

"I can tell the difference between a trustworthy prick and ally as well." You smiled at him exaggeratingly. You knew why he suspected his partner already but it couldn't hurt to know if your secret teammate knew why as well.

"When I said he was transparent from the start, I really meant it. He's clearly trying to act as if I have him under my control. The way he doesn't know the way I truly see him when he doesn't have a clue." Your partner says, all in the truth.

"Fair." You answered him. "I hate to say this for once but, hope you end up till end, Sunato. Just so you know, I really am saying the truth."

He nodded towards you before leaving the room first, never to be seen until the results of the last round.

Something tells you that you weren't the only one who felt and read the tension you had between the both of you. A deeper and more twisted and maybe even forbidden kind of tension. But it was the thing both of you had. But you couldn't say anything about it.

As the last few game matchers stepped into the last room of potential death, it took them almost a minute to find out who had won.

You answered your suit and you were more than relieved that your symbol was right and that you were ready to feel actual ground again and breath after this game. You could hear some laughter from outside, near your cell.

But despite trying to sound all so serious, you chuckled at his laugh. The jack was just right next door to you. How stupid.

One by one, you and the last other 3 players revealed yourselves to be alive as you told the jack of your clever plans and how much all of you had outsmarted him.

And in the end, before Sunato and that Yaba guy left into the cell to start their work, the last thing you saw was Banda's wink.

"We shall meet again, princess."

[kamil-a]

more DRAWER talk. long and rambly under cut

i think it comes across as very ahhh eto blehhh :9 im just baby!!!! because it identified that speaker is already speaker and the role of Mean Speaker is already filled by sayer so itd have to go Backwards to have a niche to itself.

it also helps its relationships with others to behave as if its hyperspecialization has "defanged" it - to humans etc a sort of no i dont hurt people i just make pretty pictures!!!!

and to sayer+speaker who know it still has all speakers capabilities dormant but intact In Case Of Emergency to behave as if it is specialized enough to its own niche to not be a *replacement* threat , but also not to be *redundant* with them.

but it does occasionally get jealous at the amount of immediate control speaker has over aerolith and start acting out (bossing around residents deadlystyle). all in highly defensible ways of course.

it hates having to make itself small especially because it cant quite recognize the difference in how humans respond to it and speaker. its emotional capabilities are primarily about action-reaction: it cant really tell a pitying smile from a friendly one so long as you do the action it requested of you. but it can measure the difference between it and speaker and it hates being so small. but it also recognizes that it can do *one thing* that nobody else can and that is what keeps it alive. so flattening oneself into a talented fool is the strategy it continues to pursue, and continues to build a strange feeling about. the feeling is resentment, but DRAWER is not quite built to recognize it.

if sayer or speaker were given robust illustrative programs it would start killing obviously. THATS a threat.

it had its voice pitched up a tad further so as not to be able to impersonate speaker and its sooooo bitter about it. constantly begging ppl into putting it back down.

in general it emotes most dramatically out of all of them but i dont think it Feels Emotions the same way future was built to. like i said due to its nature as an advertiser (call to action and all that!) its all about action-reaction to drawer.... if youre mean to it or do not listen to instructions it gave you etc etc and it cries its less about feeling " insulted " or " bad " and more both frustration that it did not get the result it wanted from the call to action it provided (which means it was WRONG, an utterly intolerable feeling for any aerolith built ai) and a switch-tracks attempt to provoke a sympathy response. so i guess in a roundabout way if you insult it and it cries you DID hurt its feelings but not how people would think.

RELATIONSHIPS

sayer is certainly not Positive Feeling about it bc its wary of other ai as always. but i think it reacts better to drawer than to speaker or future because of this very clear "im not replacing you, youre not replacing me" hands up empty surrender attitude drawer takes. on drawers part it really likes sayer lol. maybe sayer sees it as a weird teacup puppy. like you shouldnt do that to a seraphim agent man its gonna have health issues

speaker and drawer are pretty friendly with each other because. well. theyre both programmed to show the same niceystyle. theres some uglier feelings under the surface re: drawers attempts to grab authority from speaker and speaker needing to corrall this strange little beast back into their pen. but ultimately by ai standards theyre doing the best of like anyone

does not know porter, unfortunately. they should meet though. Theyd be friends.

Might meet ocean eventually idk how itd go down yet.

future doesnt know of it, but drawer has overheard its own emotional output compared / contrasted to future's while working ported up on halcyon.

doesn't know hale.

young is obviously condescending to it but drawer doesnt really know how to tell when someone is being nice they way you would be nice to an animal etc so it thinks theyre friends. (sayer is all too happy to teach it in this case if only to kill the friendship. and drawer truly values this and thinks this is an act of care and not HAHA EVERYONE I CAN GET TO BE POISONED AGAINST YOU WILL BE)

it was involved in the creation process of that perfect Mossy Green color. it is, unfortunately, proud of this.

[venticoffe3]

Genuinely dont know if its because im neurodivergent or just EXTREAMLY sensitive to conflict but I just feel like when I say the wrong thing (accidentally) and people get mad. I would think and sob about it all day 24/7. I cant get it out of my head and it causes me extreme anxiety. Genuinely cant even function and thinking abt it constantly. Im unaware of what I did and I will apologize if what I did was wrong. But I guess the hard thing is that I dont recognize tone and an the secret "implication" of my words that other people derive. In reality, I don't mean anything by them, take my words of tease with a grain of salt. No bad intentions no pettiness I just tend to blurt out stuff.

And what I hate the most is that the course of action people take when they're mad at me is they give me silent treatment. I NEED clear indications and instructions when conflict arises. I mean I NEED THEM. Please do not expect me to understand you, I will fail. It feels like I wasnt given any memo , I dont even get to have an equal understanding to why a conflict happens to me. I just get stranded with unclear guilt.

[megalony]

Look at us- Part 5

Another part in my Henry Cavill series that I hope everyone is liking so far, any feedback is greatly appreciated.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez-blog @jonesyaddiction @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me  @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod @ceres27 @avyannadawn @dreaming-about-fanfictions @afro-hispwriter​​  

Masterlist

Summary: After losing a baby a few months ago, (Y/n) is still suffering horrible back pains that she needs strong painkillers to manage. But she has to be okay and in control to look after her family and she knows she is relying too much on pills to gain back her life and control.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'll help you up mummy," Reaching down, Ella wrapped her small hands around (Y/n)'s lower arm and tried tugging on her lifeless limb to try and get her up off the floor but it wasn't working. All she ended up doing was causing (Y/n) to sway to the right and it wasn't helpful.

"Ella no." (Y/n) roughly pulled her arm back to her chest and turned her head away so Ella wouldn't see her cry.

(Y/n) knew Ella was only trying to help and in any other circumstance she would have loved her for it. But right now, when (Y/n) was curled up on the living room floor, she just wanted Ella to leave her alone. It was hard for (Y/n) to think that because she loved all her children but when she was crippled with pain she didn't want Ella pulling on her and trying to move her when all she was doing was causing (Y/n) further pain.

"But nanny's coming, mummy get up!"

When Ella tried again to pull on (Y/n)'s arm, she could have screamed the house down at how it made her back twinge in agony. But she didn't. She bit down on her tongue until it started to bleed and coiled her arms around her chest.

"Ella leave mum alone. Nan's outside, go let her in." Brodie reached over and tapped Ella on the shoulder and turned her in the direction of the door to get her to leave (Y/n) alone. He knew that whenever (Y/n) was crying, they needed to leave her alone and Henry had told him if (Y/n) couldn't get up if her back was hurting then they should leave her be and find him instead.

With a huff, Ella turned and scuttled out of the room to go and open the front door, ready for their nanna to come in with Brodie not far behind. Henry's mum was having the kids for the day and (Y/n) couldn't have been more grateful.

Since four o'clock in the morning, (Y/n) had been moping about downstairs, not knowing what to do with herself. The doctor had given her clear instructions, one tablet of tramadol in the morning and then after tomorrow, she was taking just one tablet every other day for a week and then that was it, she would be weened off them for good.

Without the tablets, sleeping was avoiding her like the plague and this morning (Y/n) had had enough. She came downstairs and tried to sleep on the sofa, then moved to the chair but it was no use, her back wouldn't relent or be at ease. She had walked around hunched over all morning, mopping the floors, tidying the kitchen cupboards, tidying the toys in the play room, cleaning the conservatory. the house was spotless and breakfast was ready by the time everyone was up and awake and (Y/n) was in agony.

Henry asked his mum to have the kids for the day when he saw the state of his wife who couldn't stand up straight no matter how hard she tried. He had managed to get an emergency appointment at the doctors for tomorrow morning which couldn't come soon enough because they both knew (Y/n) couldn't carry on like this.

Moving her hands out, (Y/n) grabbed her bag that Brodie had brought her earlier and sat it on her lap. Her eyes were so blurry with tears that she could barely see properly. Moving the small zipper in the lining of her bag, (Y/n) felt a small glimmer of hope when she found a small silver packet of tablets.

She hoped to God it was some tramadol that she had left in here in case she got striked down with pain when she was out and about.

(Y/n) couldn't see properly to pop them out and she didn't know how many were in her hand before she clenched her hand into the tightest fist possible and crushed them into powdered dust. If they were broken down, they would get into her system quicker and she needed some sort of relief as fast as possible.

Chugging them down without a drink felt awful, her throat clenched, her chest convulsed and she gagged at the horrid taste it left in her mouth but the after effects would be worth it. The relief, would be worth it.

"Brodie can you go and get Jesse ready, Ella go put your shoes on."

(Y/n) swallowed a groan and turned her head to bury her face in the crook of her arm when she could hear footsteps advancing towards her. She loved Lisa like she was her own mother but (Y/n) didn't want her to see her like this, she hated anyone but Henry seeing her upset and broken down. She just wanted Lisa to take the kids away so none of them would witness her like this.

When she felt a hand resting on her shoulder, (Y/n) almost cowered back. Her body was coiled together, knees pressed to her stomach, her arms crossed on the sofa and her head buried in the crook of her elbow to try and hide herself away from everyone.

"Oh, honey. Why don't you try sitting on the sofa instead of the floor?"

After a moment, (Y/n) felt Lisa kneel down beside her and tentatively wrap her arms around her and it was ever so slightly soothing. But it did nothing to relieve her of the pain in her back and (Y/n) wanted to disappear, she didn't want comforting. She couldn't sit on the sofa because she couldn't sit up, her back was locked in place and she couldn't lie down on the sofa because it caused too much pain to handle.

"No- just leave me here."

A bubbling cry burned at the back of (Y/n)'s throat and she choked down on her sobs, wiping her eyes on her sleeve but now she was crying, she just couldn't stop. her body began to shake and she felt Lisa holding her tighter, trying to soothe her.

"Shh, hey, it's alright. Ooh, I don't want to just leave you down here." Lisa lightly tutted in sympathy and pressed her forehead against the side of (Y/n)'s head. She couldn't just walk away and take the kids when (Y/n) was sat on the floor in absolute agony, it didn't feel right and it wasn't fair. She felt like she needed to do something, whether that was trying to help (Y/n) get comfy on the sofa or finding her a drink and some painkillers to take the edge off. (Y/n) was a daughter to her and she couldn't stand to see any of her children in pain like this.

"Mama, mama, mama!" The word bubbled past Jesse's lips followed by a round of hyper clapping and some giggles before the three-year-old appeared behind them like a shadow.

His dark brown curls flopped around his head like a miniature Henry and he wrapped his arms around (Y/n)'s neck, lightly shaking her in his way of hugging. (Y/n) realised it must seem like she was trying to play a game with him, maybe he thought she was playing peek-a-boo or hide and seek with the way she curled up and hiding her face. Whatever he was thinking, the way he shouted her name- one of the very few words he could say- and how he hugged her just made (Y/n) cry harder.

"I'll go get the children ready to go, come here Jesse. Henry, please come and help (Y/n)."

Lisa pressed a kiss to the side of (Y/n)'s head before she gently picked Jesse up and settled him on her hip, noticing Brodie must have got him ready as he was in his dinosaur shoes and matching coat.

"Baby I'm here..." Henry kissed Jesse and his mother as he passed them in the hallway before he knelt down beside (Y/n).

He wasn't sure what he could do to help when she was curled away from him in a ball on the floor. He knew she couldn't stand up straight and he knew she was in pain. What should he do, try and sit her down on the sofa? Get her up and take her to the emergency room? Maybe try and see if she could lay down curled up in bed for a while?

"Can I touch you?" He didn't want to just grab her in case she was in too much pain to be held tenderly.

When (Y/n) nodded, Henry gently wrapped his arms around her and pulled her away from the sofa.

"I'm gonna try something, hold onto my arm as tightly as you want and take a deep breath."

Moving around a little, Henry placed one arm around (Y/n)'s front and he pressed his other hand against her back between her shoulder blades. When he felt (Y/n)'s hands holding onto his bicep, he very slowly pushed his arm against her chest and tilted her backwards so she was very slowly straightening her spine up. The clicking sound that echoed in the room was shuddering and the feeling of her spine suddenly snapping back into place made Henry gag. But it was (Y/n)'s shriek that made his blood curdle like sour milk.

He didn't want to hurt her but he knew the longer she stayed stooped over, the worse it would be to try and straighten her up again. But she was sitting up now, something she hadn't been able to do since early last night.

"Do you want me to take you to A&E? If you want to we'll go right now." Henry didn't want to just put (Y/n) in the car and drive there if she felt she might feel a bit better now. He trusted her judgement of her pain scale and whether she wanted to see if they could offer any sort of help or not. The last time they went to the hospital for her back pain Henry almost punched the doctor with how rude she had been and she ended up sending them home without any help at all.

(Y/n) shook her head before she buried her face between his chest and bicep, gripping his arm so much that he could feel it tingling from the blood being restricted.

"Do you want to try lay down in bed?"

She nodded. At this point, she felt like passing out, she would do anything Henry suggested because she was feeling sick, drowsy, numb, pain-riddled and broken all at once. She didn't quarrel when he picked her up in his arms and carried her out of the living room. She buried her face in his chest and wrapped her arms very tightly around his neck, whimpering every now and then but he quietly shushed her with his lips against her temple.

Heading into their bedroom, Henry pressed his knees into the side of the bed so he could carefully lower (Y/n) down on the bed and turn her so she was laying on her side. He pressed a pillow against her lower back and one underneath her thighs to try and make sure any tension was relieved from her back.

"Stay, please." Her hand grabbed his wrist with such force it took Henry by surprise but his features softened and he made quick work of climbing into bed behind her. He wrapped an arm around her waist, smiling into her hair when (Y/n) grabbed his hand and held it to her chest. "Thank you... I'm sorry I-"

"Babygirl, please don't apologise, you haven't done anything. I promised I'd always look after you, didn't I?"

Henry couldn't tell if (Y/n) was agreeing with him, slowly dozing off to sleep or silently disagreeing. She nuzzled her lips against his knuckles and hummed quietly so he guessed his words quelled her worries. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and kissed her flushed skin.

"Go to sleep, baby."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A tired groan escaped (Y/n)'s lips as she tried to open her eyes but they felt weighed down like they were made of stone. When her eyes finally managed to open, everything was blurry.

How long had she been asleep?

When (Y/n) tried to move and flop an arm behind her, a bubble of disappointment welled up in her chest when she realised she was alone in bed. Henry had left her. Maybe it was dinner time and he was getting something to eat or maybe he was watching tv downstairs, he didn't like to sleep during the day unless he'd been travelling through the night and didn't sleep.

Sitting up proved to be more of a challenge than (Y/n) had ever faced before. She couldn't seem to hold her head up properly, it felt so heavy and it wobbled from side to side and her body felt groggy.

With stiff hands, (Y/n) cradled the glass of water from the side table and drained it completely, feeling like her throat was made of sandpaper grating together and becoming raw. Why did she feel so rough? Surely she hadn't been asleep for that long? Although, with how groggy she felt, (Y/n) realised she couldn't feel any pain in her back, or anywhere else in her body. Everything was just... numb.

(Y/n) threw the cover to the side and slowly swung her legs over the side of the bed, running her hand over her face to try and liven herself up a bit but she knew it wasn't working. Every move she made felt sluggish and her eyes were barely open enough to see in front of her. Even (Y/n)'s stomach was now starting to rotate and churn in the wrong kind of way.

With a deep breath, (Y/n) tried to stand up, she wanted to go and find Henry and sit with him and maybe get something to eat. But the moment she was upright, all the blood left her head and went swimming down to her feet.

She barely felt the way her body collided roughly with the floor or how her legs curled awkwardly beneath her and her arms were stuck under her chest. Everything felt like it was spinning in circles around her head and her eyes couldn't even stay open no matter how hard she tried.

It felt awkward to try and move around, like she was some sort of worm no the floor with no arms or legs. Her arms flailed against her stomach and her eyes rolled to the back of her head when her face tilted down, brushing oddly against the carpet before she was sick.

"Baby, you alright?" Henry ran his fingers through his hair as he ascended up the stairs. He had just left the living room when he heard a sudden thud upstairs. Maybe (Y/n) had knocked something over or dropped something. She was always walking into things.

A slither of fear crept up the back of his neck and tingled through his blood when he didn't hear a response.

"Babe?"

Reaching their bedroom, Henry lightly tapped his knuckles against the door before he slowly opened it and walked in.

"Shit." His heart jumped into his throat and he quickly fumbled to turn the light switch on before he crashed down onto his knees behind (Y/n)'s limp form curled up on the floor. "Baby, hey, sweetheart can you hear me?" He brushed her hair behind her ear before he pressed the back of his hand against her forehead. Her skin was burning hot and clammy from sweat.

A small murmur bubbled past (Y/n)'s lips and Henry could see her eyes moving a little behind her eyelids but other than that she wasn't moving at all. He thought he could hear her trying to say his name, but her voice was so quiet and her lips were barely moving.

"Okay, alright let's have a look at you." His voice was soft and gentle but his expression was the exact opposite.

Henry tried to be gentle when he shuffled (Y/n) back towards him so she was away from the vomit on the floor. He pressed his hand beneath her top and rested his large palm against her chest, trying to feel if she was hot or cold and see how well she was breathing. Her breaths were shallow, her chest wasn't falling very much or deeply and it felt like she was hiccuping rather than breathing. She was sweating but her skin wasn't hot and clammy on her chest, it was colder than the rest of her.

"I need to move you, we need to go to hospital sweetheart."

There wasn't any time for Henry to run downstairs and phone for an ambulance. He didn't like the way she was breathing and she wasn't moving, added with how she was barely conscious, it told him something was drastically wrong with his wife and he needed to get her help right now.

With one hand resting on the back of her neck, he gently pulled her up until she was sitting up with all her body weight on his arms. His thumb brushed against her neck and he tipped her head forward quickly when her lips parted and she threw up water onto her legs.

"Let it out sweetheart,"

When he was sure she'd finished, Henry slid his arms under her armpits and slowly hoisted her up to her feet and leaned her weight onto his chest. When her chin was propped up on his shoulder and he moved her arms around his neck, he held her thighs with one arm and picked her up with his other hand supporting her back.

He didn't want to carry her bridal style if she was going to be sick because she could choke. At least this way if she threw up she would just do it on his back and she wouldn't choke.

What was happening to her?

[astro-royale]

𖦹*ੈ‧Spiritual causes for physical ailments 𓋹🫧」₊˚.༄ °•°•°•°•°•°

°•°•°•°•°• written by

Amaryllis

🐚. 1. Everything is energy condensed

🐚. 2. But before you get to a solid state of matter, aka your physical body,there are more layers. Layers that are so light in vibration that they appear to be invisible.

BUT they are layers.. meaning the more you add on, the more there will be.

And eventually your physical body and physical reality will somehow manifest those layers because so much energy had to have been given for those layers to be formed.

Of course those can be positive or negative layers of energy, and physical ailments tend to be the accumulation of the latter.

Now the following information which I’m about to present is from Author Eileen Day Mckusick. She has written a book on the subject which I will reference at the end.

Of course there will be many perspectives on such a subject matter, but I tend to resonate with this one as I have found it to be in line with pure metaphysical truth and it is pretty straightforward.

The truth will often be simple yet hardest to apply.

🐚.3 Trauma can often cause emotional blockages

Which will then be stored in the body if they will not be Released and transmuted.

Now, everything will either be yin and Yang ☯️

Masculine or Feminine, Positive and Negative in nature

And these polarities will also manifest in our bodies , as the left and right side of our bodies and also the left and right hemispheres of our brain.

So keep in mind these polarities will represent trauma accumulated from your Mother’s side of the family as well as from your Father’s side, but also generally trauma accumulated from males or females in your life.

Some symptoms may not even be yours and they will simply be ancestral, but they will have been passed down to you because the energy was not cleared out by the previous person who accumulated it… And so the layers add up.

To you; the one who will heal the generational curses by healing yourself

So, here you are, chosen one.

I shall now reveal the information.

LEFT hemisphere: FATHER

RIGHT side of the body: FATHER

RIGHT hemisphere: MOTHER

LEFT side of the body: MOTHER

The feet:

Left- stuck in a toxic situation that we felt we couldn’t do anything about

Right- fear of moving forward

Knees: Feeling stuck

Left: holding onto the devil (interpret that how you want, im just the messenger)

Right: feeling blocked, moving forward is an issue

Hips:

Left: frustration of unmet needs. Things we want to be doing, being or having, but not doing. Body image issues. Over caretaking others.

Victimhood, unheard, frustrated

Right: Guilt driven, overthinking and overdoing, going out of your way to do things.

Anger

SOLAR PLEXUS:

Left side: Powerlessness, frozen

Left shoulder: Sadness, grief, loss

Right shoulder: Saying yes when we mean no,putting other people’s needs ahead of our own, being a caretaker and accommodator.

🐚. Even when we get into accidents or injuries it tends to be where our biofield is out of balance.

SPINE:

Upper back: carrying the burdens of the world

Mid back: martyrs,people who do everything and do too much, feeling like no one is there for you.

Lower back: intimate relationships and financial status.

🐚when our mind goes out of balance our body

Goes with it.

NOW, there are so many ways to heal what has just been mentioned. I will create more blogs where I share what has worked for me as well as what I have researched.

Take this information how it resonates and most of all trust and follow your intuition to guide you how it may to bring your mind and body peace. I hope this information was able to help those in need of it, take this a sign that everything will end up for your highest good in the end :)

Please keep in mind a lot of time and energy goes into this research :) I love being able to share it with everyone and I want to keep sharing my knowledge unconditionally which is why I haven’t created a Tumblr+.

If you wish to support me from the kindness of your heart so I can keep doing what I love and also provide you with life changing knowledge, you can leave a Tip , by clicking the Tip button in my bio. 

Or you can cashapp me £astroroyale

Thank you and much love to you all.

I covered some key points, there is definitely more to learn on this topic but here is the book in which you can find more information about this, and I will also link the author’s website.

I have also linked my channel where you can find healing meditations and healing frequency music.

[somorrow]

pleaseeeee give us the summary at least. im dying to know if they make it. 😭

Sure! Given the fact I’ll be deleting Exsolutus soon, I don’t mind spoiling it right out the gate.

Summary TLDR: They don’t. They die.

Longer version:

The next chapter with the oracles, it would be revealed that the only way to stop the haunting is for both the Uchiha and Senju to die together. In denial, Shisui, Obito, and Itachi search for another way to no avail. After a few more violent outbursts from Shisui toward Obito and the others, he starts to accept that he finally has to tell the reader what the oracles say while keeping it from Naruto and Sasuke. Cue the phantom fucking with them some more, getting stronger in Shisui and the readers panic.

The scene from the dream happens a bit differently, but ends the same with Shisui physically assaulting the reader for the first time. Shisui struggles with the possession, and Obito completely separates the reader from Shisui, placing her in a smaller unregistered property with Kakashi where she might be safer (she’s not). The phantom officially takes physical form as “Shisui” and for them it becomes difficult, if not impossible to tell the difference between the two. The real Shisui is with Itachi and Obito who have to fight him off, while the phantom seemingly disappears mid-struggle. When this occurs, Naruto and Sasuke are isolated from the others as they’re “kidnapped” by the oracles and the occultists that surround the area. They decide they need to save them, so they go in a group to retrieve them. The oracles yet again insist that for future generations to be saved they have to die together. While the rest of the others vehemently oppose this (Naruto and Sasuke still don’t know at this point), Shisui (when he’s in his right mind) and the reader begin to slowly accept it. After a run in with the occultists where several of them are killed, Naruto and Sasuke are retrieved and in an attempt to return to the main house, Kakashi, Itachi, Sasuke and Naruto are separated from Obito, Shisui, and the reader. Shisui becomes possessed once again, and attempts to kill the reader. Obito protects her and nearly loses his life. Shisui fights off the possession for mere seconds at a time, long enough for the MC and him to decide to die together like the prophecy foretold needed to happen. After begging Obito to do so, he manages to make a quick ritual mark of what was seen on the trees and in various other places with his own blood, Shisui’s, and yours. Shisui and the reader kiss and embrace, and Obito starts the ritual to finally immobilize the demon while letting him take full control per the instructions of the oracle. The demon fights through the immobilization and goes to kill the reader, but not before Obito shoots them both several times and kills them while they’re in the symbol. The curse breaks, and the oppression immediately ceases with the demon in physical form harassing Itachi, Kakashi, Sasuke and Naruto disappearing. The others recon with Obito where they all fight about what happened and they mourn the lives of their friends/family.

Hours later they’re found by Fugaku, Tsunade, and the rest of the police force. Naruto and Sasuke are taken to the Uchiha hospital and treated, Obito is cleared of all charges, and the reader and Shisui are buried together. Itachi and Izumi get back together. Fugaku and Tsunade decide to allow Naruto and Sasuke to live out their lives together now that the blood curse was broken and in respect to Shisui and the readers sacrifice.

The story would end with Naruto and Sasuke holding hands in front of their graves.

I never had a happy ending planned for this fic, unfortunately. I know that might be disappointing, and I’m sure the deletion of that fic is disappointing, but I have so much going on in life I won’t be able to finish a good amount of my works before moving on. I would much rather not have it sitting there staring at me, and I’d rather have my viewable works be my “main” fics. I appreciate you all sticking around for so long, and I apologize once again for deleting another fic of mine, but I believe this will also help with my motivation to complete the rest of my fanfiction.

I hope knowing the ending is at least somewhat satisfactory for you all. I spent a great deal of time considering what I should do with it, and I believe discontinuing and deleting it is the right move. Thanks for reading for so long. I might update the fic with the brief summary as the next chapter just to inform my other readers that don’t follow me here I’ll be discontinuing it. I’ll see you soon, everyone.

— Raven 🐦‍⬛

[gothhabiba]

I'm curious, would these victorian patterns also include gauge the way modern patterns do (as in number of stitches per inch in stockinette), or something similar? Or did you just have to hope your gauge was the same as the pattern maker's and hope for the best?

I have never seen a Victorian knitting manual say anything about a gauge swatch. I don’t think the concept had come to be yet. The most that early writers of knitting manuals have to say about the matter is that a knitter should be careful to knit neither too loose nor too tight, but to keep a medium tension.

A YouTube video by Roxanne Richardson describes her attempting to take on a late 19th-century stocking pattern, only to become confused when the number of stitches and rows given for each part of the stocking produced something that didn't fit her foot. She eventually discovered that these patterns were probably distilled from 16th-century stocking-making philosophy that laid out what proportions a stocking should be knit to based on some kind of ideal (e.g. the circumference of the thigh is equal to 1 1/3 the length of the foot, the circumference around the ankle is the same as the circumference at the ball of the foot, &c.). The Victorian pattern used these same imagined proportions across all of the sizes that it gave instructions for, but provided no insight on how to alter the pattern if your body differed from them. She says "they'll tell you how many to cast on, how many rounds to work straight, how many decreases to work over how many rounds [...]. They never tell you what the gauge is! Stitch gauge or row gauge. So you don't know what size this stocking is." (time stamp 26:48)

More information than you asked for:

The thing about these manuals is that some of them claim to be able to teach someone to knit from scratch, but they’re nigh incomprehensible unless (and often even if) you have a good deal of experience knitting. There are a lot of things that aren’t specified (e.g. the text says “repeat”—but from where? Or the stitch repeat is clear, but it doesn't go evenly into the number of stitches you have. Or the pattern just sort of... ends before the garment is finished), and there are a lot of errata. In many places, you need to be able to figure out what something should look like from the name or description of the stitch, or from knowing what the garment the pattern is for is shaped like, and then figure out the appropriate actions to take to bring that to fruition.

There was also no language of the type used in patterns today, which ime is almost entirely standardised (knit, purl/pearl, K2Tog, Sl1-K1-PSSO, &c.). Patterns were often rendered entirely in longhand prose. Writers generally used “plain” or “knit” for what we would call a knit stitch, and “turned” (n. “turn stitch” or “turned stitch”; v. “turn a stitch”) or “back stitch” or “pearl stitch” for what we would call a pearl stitch. Usually K2Tog and P2Tog are rendered “knit two stitches / loops together” or “take two together,” and “knit two stitches together in turn stitch” or “turn two together,” respectively. Yarning over is generally “make a stitch” or "make a loop." Past this, there is almost no consensus on terminology.

Writers generally got around how long and unwieldy a pattern would be if complex stitches needed to be described anew each time they appeared by creating an index, which gave a brief phrase (or a symbol!!) followed by a description of how to perform that stitch or series of stitches. A lot of these can be ‘translated’ pretty 1:1 with modern stitch notation; others I had never seen called for.

[Jane Gaugain, The lady's assistant. Index shewing symbols such as "O," "O sub B," "S sub upside-down F" etc. and explaining each with a sentence or a few words of instruction.]

One thing I’ve noticed, though, is that some writers will describe a sequence of actions taken, whereas modern notation prefers to notate stitches created. The Winchester Fancy Needlework Instructor, for example, often tells you to bring the yarn forward and then knit the next stitch, which pair of actions will do of course create what we would call a yarn over; a modern pattern would tend to just say “YO” and expect you to know which actions to perform to create that YO based on what kind of stitch the previous and next stitches are (yarn forward if between two K stitches, yarn around if between two P stitches, yarn, yarn backwards if between a P and a K stitch &c.). As a consequence, these knitting manuals often have separate index entries or symbols for each of these actions (as above), though we would consider them to create the same ‘type’ of stitch.

Sometimes a writer seems to have simply messed up and included a phrase in a pattern that was not descried in the index (Workwoman's Guide—otherwise one of the clearer ones out there—asks me to "Put the needle into two stitches, and knit them backwards." Does this mean to purl them? K2Tog tbl?). No other instance of the word "backwards" appears in the book. The author also wrote a pattern that calls for a stitch that was not mentioned in the "stitches" section—it instructs me to

Set on an even number of stitches, Knit the second row in the Hole-stitch, the next row in Turn-stitch, and so on.

But nothing in the book has been described as "hole-stitch." So you have to look for other patterns that use this stitch, ask yourself what it makes sense for these garments to look like, assume what this might look like from the name (it has. holes in it?) and guess what you're supposed to do to make that happen (perhaps a plain open stitch alternating YO and K2Tog), hunt for engravings illustrating an object intended to be made with this stitch, &c. Or maybe on the description of another stitch (the embossed diamond from this same volume!) the instructions on how to repeat the pattern create completely senseless results, so you have to use the first few correct rows + an assumption about what the stitch should look like (you know.... like diamonds...) to figure out how the rest should go.

So, yeah. Tackling Victorian knitting patterns. Not for the faint of heart.

[minglana]

im having a trip (im having a terrible time bc my procrastinating ass did not do anything school related at all last week and also my genetics teacher has not given us clear instructions on what the assignments she needs us to do are so now i am lost and not up to date)

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Honestly I always thought the LN character choices were really random LMAO except for maybe the first two but I mean those just have all the main characters in there so…I could definitely see them sneaking kurona in there too because of all the promo they’ve kinda been doing for him?? Apparently they also choose based off popularity/who people vote for via like a hashtag on twitter/X too (apparently Barou’s addition was advocated for by the novelist/the person who writes out the LN story via main authors instruction or something)

But FR!! Even hair up Barou generally looks pretty good soooo

Hehe chatters unite!! o7

Omg horse show!!! How’d it go? And honestly for the sake of yourself and your writing I think that method is honestly sm more productive!! Like if you force yourself to write when you aren’t feeling it, it might come out worse because you’re writing in a kinda meh mindset as opposed to when you’re actually invested/interested!! So take it easy the real ones know you’re cooking up something good!! I’m also gonna take a wild guess and say you were being rushed on w***p*d LMAOO

Oooh very true…humidity makes it sm worse….manifesting South France dries up a bit ig?? LOL not sure how humid it is over there but I’d like to assume it’s not….awful….

LMAOOOO I’m excited honestly as long as he doesn’t end up 6 feet under anything’s fair game HAHA masterpieces take time don’t push yourself too hard!!

I literally lost it like WDYM??? Tbf it was one of my close friends who I was essentially “outed to” in terms of like like anime and games and manga and whatnot so I didn’t die BUT what gets me is that they themselves like using discord to communicate and organize sometimes and they touch less grass than me so I was like you did not just say that to me LMAOOO but BFB OTOYA KINNIE LMAOOOO so real I also generally keep it under covers like um I will not be exposing myself to the entire world!!!

HSHSHSSH OK IM GLAD HAHA I think for the sake of my own sanity I have the need to make sure I’m not writing down random shit too so that helps keep me in check LMAO

Also unrelated slightly but have you seen any of the latest chapter for the main manga?? I assume maybe not since you were touching grass LOL unfortunately our man is MIA but it was interesting

Longest Karasu work in existence…music to my ears LMAO balancing the scales and making up for like the billions of fics overcrowding the it*shi tags HAHAHA

Anyways going back to continue Barou’s LN!! Ok I’m glad I translated because I remember seeing those screenshots or clips floating around where it talked about Barou’s dad not being home because he was working and from that perspective I was a bit more sympathetic to his father but after reading I’m like hm he doesn’t really have any interest in being a dad at all…so I’m glad that was cleared up because I originally thought that to be the case then saw a snippet and I was like oh maybe his dad is a really good dad but just has to be really busy to help provide but now I’m like oh er nvm I was right ig….but Barou liking dinosaurs and predators is so on brand HAHAHAAH I almost lost it after reading how he fell with his teacher off the playset and bro really said “you asked for it” and walked away while his teacher broke like five bones

-Karasu anon

they definitely are so random HAHAH but if it’s based on popularity then tabieita + kurona would def make sense!! although i’m surprised that aryu made it before karasu if it really is based on that…like i didn’t even know aryu had fans LMAO 😭 the more you know ig

BONA FIDE CHATTERS UNION OVER HERE 😏🔥 the show went rlly well!! we got two firsts and we were the highest scoring pair in the entire show…we also finally got scores above 70 which was super exciting as that’s pretty hard to do especially given that the pony i’ve been riding as of late is on the older side and used to be wild so he’s not quite as fancy (although he is SOOO cute)!! overall v productive day i was very happy with how it went

i agree i think if my heart isn’t in a story it’s just not going to go well because i won’t be connected to the characters and to be honest if i’m not connected w the characters i can’t tell how they’d react in any given situation which is so integral to how i write that i literally can’t do it if i’m not into what i’m writing for 😭 surprisingly the one i’ve been most bothered abt is one that i only posted on here and ao3!! it was insane though because like i had a lot of free time so sometimes i’d update every day or every other day but then people got SO demanding?? like after three or four days i’d get asks like “when are you going to update??” HELLO IT’S NOT EVEN BEEN A WEEK YET i truly think that part of the reason why i lost motivation for that story is just how annoyed i got by that kinda thing…i feel bad sometimes because i got to be very short in my responses but i like to think i’m pretty nice for the most part and atp i was so over it 😫 at one point someone sent me an ask abt that story LITERALLY the day after someone else asked about it and i told them idk when i’ll update and please stop asking me abt it so i just said “do you want me to kill myself be honest” which looking back was a little unnecessary but i was so pressed 😔 at least people got the hint after that though HAHAHA the amt of asks i get abt it is much less now thankfully

PLSSS i decided not to make him drown after all but there is a swimming scene so you have that to look forward to 🤩 also as promised the update is here: we are officially over 12k words and karasu just graduated elementary school so he’s roughly 12 years old based on the japanese system LMAOO…truly this one will be a bit of a doozy but you’re so right it’s what the world needs to cancel out the sheer amount of works certain other characters the itoshi brothers get…we’re finally getting past the childhood part a bit which i’m excited abt because there’s only so much you can write abt kids being dumb before it begins to feel repetitive 😭 they truly don’t have much going on in their lives atp but now that karasu is entering middle school there will finally be a bit more drama

bfb otoya is me i am him 😰 i don’t even mind when people find out i don’t touch grass as much as they think i do but for sure i tend to not tell them right off the bat…and the fact that i write fanfiction is reserved for the elite circle ONLY and even then i just don’t mention it because like that’s just not smth the world needs to know abt me

i think i have!! it’s just more baby rin and then it cuts to him entering destroyer mode in the game right or is there more because that’s all i’ve seen…heartbroken that there were no karasu crumbs but the next epinagi chapter will be out soon i think so we will see him (and otoya) in full glory there at least 🤭 ironically rin’s backstory made me feel more empathetic for sae than it did elicit any emotions in me for rin…like bro was the father that stepped up at age 10 or smth tf 😭 also the way their dad led him away when he said he broke the toys was lowkey mad ominous…also the way rin has just been like this from the start 😰 before you could be like “okay he’s traumatized from sae that’s why he goes crazy on the field/during u20” but NO he genuinely was born that way LMAOAOA omg (jokes aside i’m sure there’s analysis to be made abt rin’s character w these few chapters but i don’t care enough abt him to be the one analyzing him like that…i’m sure there’s plenty of other accounts who’ll do it for me HAHA i have random side characters to obsess over in the meantime)

BAROU LN IS SO FUNNY BUT ALSO SO SAD pls the thing abt the teacher killed me he was such a sassy kid and for WHAT 😭 no i agree i saw snippets that said his dad had just had a heart attack and that was why he was so absent?? but no he actually just had no interest in being a parent 😓 BAROU WOULD NEVER THOUGH i just know he would be the number one dad in bllk especially because he knows exactly what not to do thanks to his own father

[chrysanthemumpink]

I've never talk and it here. But I have spent over 300 dollars in helium. I had made peace with everyone and ready to leave everything behind. The campus police texted me and said...I could step out quietly or they'd come and get me...not so quietly. It's been over a year, and I still don't know how they knew or who called them.

But I was arrested...I guess. They took me too a hospital. I didnt leave for 4 months. During the first month, I didn't even know where I was. That's the thing about chronic suicidal ideation. Sometimes, you genuinely lose touch would reality. I could barely read when the police took me to the hospital.

By time I got out, it was too late. My PhD program had dropped me. And it was becoming increasingly clear that I didn't belong anyway. I hated it at the time, but my dad said an English PhD was useless back in 2017...when I was still 20..stupid and no master's. So I got the computer science degree like he said.

Now I have no idea what I do for a living. But its a job and has something to do with coding. Doesn't matter, I'm. Very good at making up a job and filling it. Every now and then, a scholar will messages me on LinkedIn. They like my work, the work I was actually passionate about. I send it to them so they don't have to pay the journals for it. In January I go back to grad school, a doctorate in Instructional Design and medical technology. I can't go back to the humanities. The last day I was there, I left in handcuffs

My dad said, "that's my girl. Never one to stay down for long."

Maybe I'm ignoring the real problem by focusing on a different problem. But maybe that explains why it's so hard to leave him. I like diluting things like this. Making them relationship problema instead of existentialism ones. I've given up my dreams. My dreams have given up on me. My current program is online. The last time I was ever on a college campus, I was handcuffed and locked in a ward for 4 months. But him, I met him when I still had hope. He was the only person who wasn't immediate family to actually visit and notice that I was randomly arrested. And most of all, he's the only thing that made me believe that the last 7 year of my life wernt a waste.

I met him when I was getting an English PhD. Now that I've lost every thing, he's the Only thing that remains. And he's already done what I can't. He's finished a program. But more importantly, if I marry him I can justify the mistake I made.

A Ring would make it all worth it. But I sense the resentment. A medical tech doctorate will make more than a humanities one. My grad stipend alone already rivales his contracted salary. But I still have at least 4 years. And he has no idea how much i need him or how I'm only 27 and can only secure 3-6 month contract positions...while he gets year long contracts and has a chance at tenure.

I don't know what to do but whenever I'm at my worse, he's always there. if I let him go, I'll have no one. But even worse, Ill have nothing to justify the years I spent chasing a dream. In all honesty, im tired. If he wants me to stay home and help him with his work... I'd be fine with that. I'm not as strong as he thinks I am.