#I have more of these edits tbh but I got tired in the process

[plavi]

Jugram Haschwalth 🛡⚔

Young (kid, teen) vs. old (adult) manga panel comparisons

[uriekukistan]

HI RIN! For the fic writers ask:

How about 2, 5, 9, 10, 11, 17, 23, 30, 31 and for 35: give me a random fic you've read recently and liked

(LMAO that was a lot sorry but i hope u have a good day :) )

HI LUCKY :D hope youre doing well and thank you for the ask !!! sorry this took me so long, been very busy and tired lately :’)

2 - Which of your fics is your pride and joy?

definitely my hockey au. it’s still in its infancy stages but i think i’ve grown a lot as a writer while working on it, and i think it’s definitively the best thing i’ve written ever. i’m sometimes shocked when i edit bc i feel like there’s no way that i could write that. it’s such a step up from anything i’ve written before, both in terms of actual writing and plot. i have this perpetual fear that it will all fall apart, but also i think my motivation to make it as good as possible means that it will only get better.

5 - What’s something you learned while researching a fic?

i mean at this point i know the entire nhl rulebook…..i think i’ve learned the most while writing the hockey au because it’s something i have no personal experience with, compared to a lot of my other fics.

9 - How did you get into writing fanfiction?

hmm i mean technically speaking i wrote my first fic when i was seven after seeing the lion king musical, i wrote nala’s perspective from the time when simba was away. i think a lot of my initial fics were driven by the desire to fill gaps in canon. tbh it wasn’t until this past year when i decided to write more aus, but now i’m just so invested in making itfs fall in love in every universe.

10 - Is there a character or ship you'd love to write for, but haven't yet?

this is not jjk, but recently hina got me into free!, and i’ve been loving it sm. i have a few ideas for my son ikuya and two ships w him (asaiku and one-sided ikuharu…..). actually i have a draft i’m working on but writing recently feels like torture and also im not great at writing crack/fluff, which this is. everyone should get into free! btw.

11 - What makes a fic 'successful' in your opinion?

hmmm i’ve actually been grappling w this recently. my numbers have been lower than usual and i find it easy to compare myself to others so in that regard i’ve been feeling like a bit of a flop, but also i’ve gotten some really nice feedback from authors i really admire and that i think are really skilled in their craft, which means more to me than any amount of kudos. like people who i think are really skilled like MY writing? that means so much to me.

i think i’m trying to move away from the numbers side and focus more on the quality of my work. if people are understanding the goal of my story and appreciating the effort i put in on a more meaningful level, what more can i ask for?

17 - What is something you recently felt proud of in your writing?

i feel like i’ve been doing a good job like. transitioning between paragraphs and even scenes. i used to cut scenes right after the accomplished what i wanted, but after getting some really helpful feedback from sam constellationqueen, i’ve gotten a lot better at that.

23 - What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

i had been working on a story that was like. part fantasy part mystery. but i’ve since abandoned it. relatively. now that i’m a bit better at plotting and writing i would like to rewrite it from the beginning so i think that makes it count for this ask sjkskdk

30 - Have you noticed your style change over time?

definitely definitely. or at least my writing is much more polished. especially within the past few months like. i was actually writing the other day and i had a whole moment where i didnt even recognize my own writing it was odd experience. but in a good way.

31 - What fic meant the most to you to write?

i think it has to be summer lovin. i almost said kny i think that would be the expected answer from me and that one Did mean a lot to me, but w summer lovin i got the chance to process a lot of difficult feelings and things i was going through. like grief and anxiety abt the future, feeling like a failure, not knowing what i want from life…i feel like summer is always portrayed as this happy fun season, but i’ve always ended up feeling a bit depressed and lonely in summer so i wanted to capture that, which i think i did!

35 - give me a random fic you've read recently and liked

can’t go without plugging gasoline and lmhs. other than that…i’ve actually been reading more free! iwatobi swim club fics than itafushi tbh. other times, other places by eleanorenchanted is a beautiful fic that doesn’t need any real knowledge of free! and it’s just so beautiful. worth all 40k words made me cry.

thank you again for the ask!!! sorry for taking so long 🥹🥹

[vole-mon-amour]

3x11, part 3. RJK edition.

Listen. LISTEN. The boy feels so lost & his home is PEOPLE. Roy & Jamie are RIGHT. THERE. I NEED it. I need not only Jamie having vulnerable moments with Roy, I need Roy to be able to talk about it and/or at least hold Jamie and mean it. I need to see Jamie hugging both of them and feeling safe, and loved, and HOME. I need Jamie to know that he belongs, and he's good, and he deserves all the good things only.

This is honestly such a huge topic & I've been thinking about it from time to time. Jamie/happiness please and thank you. And somebody quietly take out his dad so Jamie can process it and let out a sigh of relief. I know it's not that easy, I've been there, still going through it tbh, a lot of trauma and feelings, but still.

Babe, your hair is beautiful & I love it, don't listen to that.

Keeley: puts even more pressure on Jamie to the point where Jamie is even more overwhelmed.

She's no better at it than Roy lol. Made it worse somehow.

"If only I could have a friend who'd stick with me until the end. And walk along beside the sea, share a bit of moon with me."

Those friends:

I can't get over the fact that Roy acts like a human towards Jamie? Like, it's the most "I care about him A LOT" & humane thing we've ever seen at this point, I think? Especially after that weird string episode that I often just want to ignore?

"I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly."

I find their reactions so interesting? Keeley is straight up bored and tired. Roy is crying which is even in character, after he watched Love Island with Jamie in it & all those yoga sessions and drinking wine after. Jamie is... one eye red. Jfc, someone hug Jamie and be there for him. Just unite all three already. While Keeley can have her beauty sleep, Roy and Jamie can have spend their time together.

Not sure if I should watch You've got mail, but yeah.

Are we gonna ignore this? The way Roy looks at Jamie. The theme of Roy being so worried about Jamie that he brings Keeley in and he tries his absolute best to help Jamie and make him feel better. Like, I always shipped them, but right now it feels more than ever justifiable? Not like I imagine it but the way it's RIGHT. THERE. It's not one sided. It's "I care about you, too, and I'm trying to make ti right." Maybe a kiss or two would set it into the right direction, but still. Baby steps (at the end of s3).

???? Ot3???? Poly canon when???

"...share a bit of moon with me."

is this the new "Let's get lost"? For ot3 this time? C'mon. How am I supposed to ignore this? It's so romantically coded.

Roy, you very much can if you don't kiss him and if you keep pretending you and Keeley are not dating again. Like, talk to him. Invite him in. You two are fools. Keeley sees it though.

There goes "I care about you" again.

Jamie is such a sweet and gentle boy. Making sure he didn't push either of them.

Seriously though. He. Him. And his hair (unironically). And his rings.

Jamie's smile getting wider, heh. The neighborhood he grew up in? Or the neighborhood his mom ran away to from James?

Jamie is the best sunshine of all the sunshines. Both Jamie and Roy being dressed in black :)) They really are so alike.

I feel honored to finally meet Jamie's mom. Wow, she and her husband seem so different from James, and you can see why Jamie is the way that he is. I still have questions on why Jamie was abused so much by his dad while his mom is right there & judging by Jamie's words she only wants Jamie to be happy. But then again, maybe he really is like that, "I wanted to tell her, but I knew it would hurt her. So I let it hurt me." Which is heartbreaking, but it is what it is, I guess.

This episode Trent met Ted's mom, and Roy and Keeley met Jamie's, and "it's lovely to FINALLY meet you BOTH." I am NOT letting this go. Like, Jamie just decided to take his best friends for a ride and introduce them to his mom. Ahhh.

[mrs-luigi-vargas]

Could you do #8 for "A burning Secret" "Hotel Suite" and "Ti voglio tanto bene" for the fanfic ask game ☺️?

Ooh, coming in with a tough one, hehe. Thanks for the ask!

8. What is your favorite line/section from [insert fic]?

A Burning Secret

“I fell and it got hot,” he said in a rush. “And bright,” he added. “And really hot. And then…” The resolve faded. He searched for what to say next. He swallowed, thickly. “I woke up,” he finished simply, head bowed and shoulders hunched. Though his description was vague, the Luma practically had stars in its eyes hearing it. “…Did it hurt?” it breathed, enraptured. “………yeah.” “Woah…” “I’m sorry,” Rosalina said, heart heavy.

This exchange is literally the main reason I wrote this fic, lmao. I wanted the Luma to be so freaking inappropriate it looped back around to vague comedy (to me, anyway). I didnt name the Luma in the fic because I feel like a lot of them act like movie!Lumalee, tbh, in that they're super weird about death.

Honeymoon Suite

With some maneuvering they managed to squeeze into the cockpit, the seat pushed back as far as it could go and Mario sitting between Peach’s knees. “It’s a good thing you’re so small,” Peach teased, resting her arms around Mario’s waist. She giggled at Mario’s mock-scowl at her for it.

I need to write Mario and Peach banter more often (I say as if I haven't written plenty since writing this passage)

Ti voglio tanto bene

Luigi froze, though Mario hadn't reacted to him entering. Luigi crept into Mario’s field of view, and even then it was a while before Mario met his gaze. He looked tired. Despondent. Drained. Luigi bit his lip, feeling way out of his depth. He'd never seen Mario like this before. He had no idea how to break the silence. In hindsight, he really should have picked a better opener. “So…the Toads can't decide if you and Peach either got hitched or broke up…?” Luigi ventured. He watched Mario blink, processing his words. And then Mario just crumpled.

Not gonna lie. Every time i read this bit during editing I laughed. It's something about the timing or pacing or contrast of it all that gets me, even though it really shouldn't XD

[Ask Game]

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Rachel,

I have a few questions if you don’t mind:

1. How do you get comfortable writing the story of your heart? I’ve been pushing off big story ideas that I want to write so that I can get better at writing. But like what if that’s making me feel less motivated or am I just being annoying about it? Maybe I should just suck it up and practice something easier because I honestly don’t have the skills for a complex novel idea.

2. Do you ever look at other writers progress and process and feel bad about your own? Because I’ve been feeling like that a lot lately and trying to adapt to every writers process is impossible and not fun. But I’m stifled by the fear of doing things wrong even though there’s not really a “wrong” way to write.

3-4. I want to participate in nano but I’m a student so it’s going to be a challenge. Since you also were a student do you have any tips? I’ve heard from others that I should just give up writing while in school and every time it hurts, even though I know they don’t mean me any harm. I just want to know if it’s really impossible. So I guess this really is a 2 part question: Do you have any time management tips for writing as a student and do you have any tips for starting nano for the first time?

Hi hi hi!

1. Tbh, my best advice is just to write what you want. If that’s the hard thing, then go for the hard thing. I skirted around difficult projects thinking I didn’t have the skill set for them but that just led me to never writing them. The truth is you’re always going to be missing something before writing a project—writing is an evolutionary art form for that reason, so it’s intrinsic that we learn and fail as we go.

2. I don’t really feel bad when comparing myself to other writers but this probably is mostly because I generally don’t have negative self-talk anymore (IDK WHERE IT WENT LOL) but you’re absolutely not alone in this feeling (& I know I’ve felt this way in the past). You’ve got it right that there’s no one process, and tbh, the thing you might have to do is just constantly remind yourself of that when writing in order to push through. A lot of the time if writing is sticking for me for a more abstract reason like this I have to grit my teeth and keep reminding myself it’s okay to be imperfect, etc.

3. To be verrrryyy honest with you, I struggled to balance writing & school and while I don’t think you have to give up writing while being a student, something a lot of the times naturally has to give since being a student is so time consuming. Not to be discouraging at all but just as a precursor because I was never able to successfully do NaNo when I was in school (not even in high school) EXCEPT for in 2022, and that was for a couple reasons. Mostly, I just put school on the back burner haha. I’m not recommending this but at that point in my degree I was tired of how I was being treated & not being able to prioritize my own writing & I started to push the boundaries of my academics to see how much I could let go in order to write. This is not something I responsibly recommend, but it’s what I did. I wrote a lot in lectures (….. oops lol) & pulled back a bit on assignments (I still did as well as I typically do which is when I realized for me I could put in less effort into school & get the same results—just MY experience, again not a recommendation).

So I’m not saying it’s impossible but I don’t want to make it seem like I was able to juggle both. I wasn’t lol! I skipped classes, I BS’d assignments & that’s bc school wasn’t my priority anymore (this was 100% best for my mental health & I surprisingly academically performed the best I ever have & also graduated #1 in my faculty BUT I thrive off of chaotic timetables & doing things when I’m not supposed to lol, so again not a recommendation & just context as to how I did it).

Otherwise, a couple things I did: edited late at night when I was too tired to draft & added words through line level edits. Used scene ideas from old books & propagated them into the new book. Prepped a little in advance by drafting (or you could outline) so I knew where I was going. Got ahead by 1k as much as I could. It also helped that I was at the exact right place at the exact right time to do nano (literally got right to the climax at the very end), so a lot of my success I think was also luck.

My biggest tip for starting NaNo for the first time is to be open for your expectations to change & to listen to yourself as you go because a word count isn’t worth your mental health! If you can plan around busy days that can also help too. November was always the worst month for deadlines when I was in school, so if you’re falling behind it’s soooo okay! Have fun with it—NaNo isn’t supposed to be stressful, so if it is it’s okay to amend the goal to suit your lifestyle! :)

[januaryone2am]

Gametape Review - 022425

Taking me a minute to get here but lit to keep it up. Proud of the work i put in on friday. Deadass woke up at 9PM and got to work and finished the shit at like 9am next day. 

Any other thoughts on the general process before i get to it. Proud of the ideas in it. Proud that it felt more like a 2025 piece than some of the stuff i have been making in week’s prior. a lot of those felt like they were locked into some old version of myself. old ways of doing things, old printed processes, and product that was limited in its scope accordingly. 

was just looking at ell.yot’s poster before this. taking the same format and then stitching it into the tag of a shirt. i feel like he fully embodies my movie or sculpture thesis. I cannot wait to contribute on his level.

Just bought Peverse Optimist by Tibor Kalman. stoked to read that guy. realized while listening to a magnus karlsen interview that the people that are the kind of goated that i want to be love this shit more than anything. 

okay. starting off. i knew from the beginning of this night that i was exhausted by the idea of printed. and so i pivoted. was a good start. and tbh a cool part of being high. you are the right kind of lazy in that state. (the hard part obviously is that laziness begins to spread over time, from productive to anything but productive and so you have to be extremely careful w it)

cool thing to realize about AI is that it is all about how specific of a lens can you ask for. if you just ask for a drawing of a car, you get a bland car. if you can ask for a 1980’s illustration of many different car stickers then you get highly specific versions and several different reps per image generated. 

In my first images generated (first 10-20) i just got a fuckload of reps, walls of images. Some of them interesting. mostly i was just stoked to be able to get that many different ideas at once. and that some of them were cool. 

It was like this until i found my guy. and realized that he looked like he was holding a lightbulb. And that he was just cool. i like when ideas within designs are a bit meta and break the fourth wall to the viewer. this seemed like a cool way to work toward that. 

proceeded to add lightbulbs around him and the imagery felt new and different together. But also did a fuckload of edits in order to arrive at the lightbulbs. lots of pikachu esque guys. i think i did a good job not getting dismayed by half-done shit. or shit i had seen before. i just kept pushing until things were exciting. and then after they were exciting they were tiring. i was like. oh fuck now i have to spend the next 5 hours finishing this shit. and i did my best.  

i would love if i had tried to make it move. or to light up somehow. no idea how i woulda done that. or it woulda been cool to try and make it feel more real almost. not sure how that would work. but i had ideas that were like that today. clearly digital objects / images placed harshly into the real world. so the contrast is evident. coulda gone harder with that on this one somehow. the lightbulbs look quite real but the little anime guy for sure does not. Would have been cool to make that more pronounced. Also would have been cool to give him more space. This image is banging for how sick the idea is but the composition is like basically unfinished lol. Really should go back and polish it this week. make sure all the lightbulbs have a banging image of their own and make sure that they are no longer in the way of the lil anime man. the words on the lightbulb graphic should go way harder. the texture on the bulb graphic should go way harder. lots of things to level up on. Just realized that i should be playing with textured bevel way more these days.

Was so cool to see some of my heroes like it on insta. Life is so lit. this guy can be way better. Questions coming away from this. 

What are ways for me to utilize my textures while still having it feel 2025?

Should i be using AI other than midjourney to do this? it feels like the control on MJ is almost there but the almost was really fucking me up throughout this process. 50 edits of the same image, each of them failing type shit. Google that tomorrow. That can be my hour maybe. Optimizing my AI processes. i looked at rembagram’s patreon yday but should do that again. Crazy how much less cool it is to see the inside of the AI design process instead of just receiving the result. 

What is the most efficient learning i can do to optimize myself?

How much do i need to improve my skillset vs how much do i need to improve my fundamentals?

[ry-ya05]

edit: I REALIZED I JUST LEAKED ALTO AND SOFRONARIA'S REAL NAMES AND THE FRIEND GROUP NAMES... UHM...

anyways

WOAH OK CHAT UPDATE ON SOFRONARIA'S CRASHOUT

GYNT AND I ARE TALKING ABOUT HER NOW IN DMS,, OH MY GOSH IS THIS REAL?? SOMEONE I CAN TALK TO ABOUT THE FRIEND GROUP WITH OTHER THAN ANONYMOUS PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET??

Lord thank you so much for making me friends with gynt he is actually a blessing in disguise

here's a rant that i said to him:

ngl i dont wanna leave them for me it wasnt natural at all i shouldve said no when alto asked if she could add her i didnt have the heart to say no cause I thought it would be mean i really didnt want her to be added

Gynt: But do you still enjoy it sometimes Sometimes you seem some good qualities that temporarily come and then you start to like them once more now you just loathe them

kinda i appreciate her talking and contributing to the friend group but sometimes the things she talks about are either insults or rants or vents i rarely her hear talk about nice stuff

Gynt: She switched up the dynamic of the group

yeah,, cause (friends group w/o sofronaria) used to have the dynamic of chaotic friends

Gynt: Now its just chaotic

EXACTLY its like we got seperated

Gynt: At some pint yeahhhh

i just want an outing with (friend group w/o sofronaria) not (friend group w/ sofronaria) anymore i hate to admit this but things were already fine without her…

Gynt: Fine but we wanted to add her

alto did i had no intentions of adding her to (friend group w/ sofronaria) but alto suggested it

anyways here's my actual thought process about sofranaria that I sent to him:

(mentions of suicide, shooting, stuff like that)

im listening to my favorite song rn "hated by life itself." there's this one line that goes "we say goodbyes too much, not even knowing what a true farewell is, we are hated by life itself" like yeah she wants to kill herself but she announces it so often now it's too repetative that it lost its meaning

i cant even take her seriously anymore "i bet she's gonna say 'i wanna kms' because there's filipino tomorrow" even if it's a minor problem, she says "kms" "kms i only visit the gc once and I'm already pissed"

"hey guys what if i shoot myself" "i wanna kms" i have heard her say those around 7 times today

tbh i feel like i cant try and help her with her thoughts of suicide anymore because 1. its becoming repetative and 2. it's tiring already

Gynt: At some point you wanna convince her to actually kill herself… Just me

nah cuz i almost did esp when she said "doesnt matter cuz im gonna kill myself anyway" do my efforts to try and help you not mean anything to you?? "then kill yourself" "i give up" thats what i wanted to say so bad bro…

Gynt: "Has my friendship mean nothin" is something close

i would if i didn't know sofronaria was kinda judgemental at times i was scared of being perceived as a bad friend so I just gave up 🙏🙏

ok now i need YOUR guys' opinion on this am I a bad friend for thinking like this

[never-not-ever]

So it's currently 3:50am, curious what time it'll be by the end of this (most likely essay of a) post, I mean do you expect any less of me?

So it's 3:50am and I am almost done bleaching and coloring my hair 🙃. I'm actually like really, really excited for this. The bleaching didn't get to a blonde, more like a light peach... I'll post pictures later. But I almost, for a split second was like should I just leave it like this??? Cause I thought it looked good lmao. The bottom had a slight tint of pink. My hair was red last summer.... I'll save the rest of this for the finished product post lol.

So when I think back.. I've been awake since like 3pm Friday and had a 2 hour "nap" this morning. Like for me right now it's Saturday night in my eyes. So in the last 37 hours I slept for 2 of those kinda in the middle. Hmm.... And like I'm not tired. Which is strange. But I'm probably going to stay up til the sunrises around 7, go out and shovel and then come in and go to bed. Or maybe I'll be energized and I'll stay up even longer doing god knows what.

So I did attempt to go to sleep at like 7am this morning but then got stuck in the past. I have legit 2 things in my drafts about this so let me try to make it shorter and sweet. This morning I put a song on repeat to fall asleep to and it reminded me of this past fall and then I thought back to the video diaries I used to make (mostly when I was drunk and emotional). So I watched a couple of them trying to find a specific one cause I had said something that really stood out to me after watching it but I couldn't find that video.

Fast forward through the day, all my errands with my Nana (I'll get back to those) and I'm refilling all the Air Wicks in my apartment, I have like 4, and I didn't realize the scent I chose was one I had back in the fall. So now this, quite lovely scent, is all throughout my apartment and it just feels like I'm back in that shitty time period. Which I guess kind of makes sense? Like emotion wise it's similar. I actually found a different video this morning and started editing it shorter (instead of trying to sleep) cause I vaguely talked about SI thoughts and hopeless and I made a couple good points that I think could be relatable but honestly.. I don't know what was more sad, hearing the pain in my voice back then or realizing that everything I said, how I felt, what I thought back then.. still applies 3 months later.

Anywho I might make a different post of my errands/day but I'll just say this. Me and my Nana left at 11am and we didn't get back til like 6 and I just felt so overly stimulated by her. It wasn't bad, she wasn't that annoying tbh, just talked a lot. In fact I said to her on the drive home "I'm sorry I was irritable today (she actually said to me at one point "why are you so irritable?" 🙄).. it doesn't have anything to do with you I've just been having a hard time lately". Which I don't know if she couldn't hear me or didn't understand what I was saying but I had to reframe it a couple times and thus ended up sounding irritated again 😐.

About a half hour after I got home I FaceTimed with a friend who I haven't talked to/FaceTimed in so long. She lives in NC so I don't get to see her that much. Honestly I felt so hyper the second I got home, like the complete opposite of during the day... Like bouncing off the walls, making stupid "haul" videos of the places I went to as if I was going to make a Tik Tok about it. Speaking of, I also have videos from the beach today-another Tik Tok I wanted to make and I filmed parts of the hair bleaching/dying process. Like back in the fall I did this all the time. All these ideas and videos and never even made them into anything. Just taking up so much space in my phone. I seriously need to clear it out.

Okay it's 4:12, I need to go rinse this out.

[starcrossedjedis]

If this is against your rules or too much, feel free to ignore, but I struggle so hard with like manips particularly gifs, do you have any tips or recs? And how to be confident in your own work

Oh my, don't worry at ALL! ❤

I have only two rules for my blog and that's #1 Don't Be An Ass and #2 If you're too young to engage with certain things on my blog, then don't - and people continously ignore #1 and I'm still here 😄

Tbh, I am not sure if I am the best person to give advice on how to do anything, because most of what I do is the result of like two decades worth of trial and error 😅

But I'll try! At least for me, it boils down to two main tings.

#1 Scene Selection

The first step is to find scenes/clips/gifs that look like they might belong together fr. If the clips flow together nicely, you're halfway there. I don't even wanna talk about how much of my editing process is just squinting at gifs and wondering if they are seamless enough. Here's an example (and a little Sneaky Peeky at a future gifset for Alyse) where I combined clips from HotD, Last Kingdom and Legend of the Sword:

(and as I look at it NOW I realize that I need to switch their respective sequences so it looks like he sees the dragon THEN watches her being taken away to safety - IT'S ALL IN THE SQUINTING)

#2 Colour

Now I KNOW this is easier said than done, but it really makes a world of difference, if you don't have one half of your gif be yellow and the other be blue ^^'

The easiest way ofc is to use clips that are already close in colour, so that the overall editing process is pretty much the same on the overall gif.

But more often than not, if you want a seamless gif, you will have to colour correct one part to match the other. Like so-

And if you're like me - old, tired and member of the "Ain't Nobody Got Time For That" tribe, you find colourings that affect a lot of base colorings in a very similar way (it won't fix big differences in the base colours, but for the most part you can get away with basic adjustments like matching the lighting and vibrance).

Can't say I'm too proud to admit it, but I do that a lot these days - not only out of lazyness, but also because I like how it looks -

I fear that I cannot help you with the "being confident in your own work" part though, because most of the time I am still in the "Faking" part of "Fake It till you Make It" 😄

I hope I could help you a little bit ❤

[obeymehasinfluncedmythoughts]

Poly!MC Who Constantly Loses Their Phone

Okay! Hello! Thank u for reading!!

I have a couple questions!! Should I continue using Poly!Mc or should I switch over to Polyam!Mc? What is preferred and if we do choose Polyam is it okay for me to just slowly edit my older works to fix them? Thank you!

Also!! I am currently writing a one-shot. That is why this is a kinda short kinda quirky headcanon. I know the majority don't care for my like, actual writing, so please know I'm trying to post stuff for all my readers still!!

Lucifer

Modern problems require magic solutions

He'll probably cast a spell on your stuff, making things easier to trace or impossible to loose. This isn't perfect though.

Lucifer can only cast so many spells. Something is eventually going to slip through the cracks. When you get a new phone is probably when he forgets to replace his spell.

Nothing is worse then watching Lucifer storming throughout the house looking for your device, up-turning furniture, threatening his siblings, and using that same "mom" tone as he scolds you when he eventually does find it.

Probably doesn't trust you with anything important now.

Price to pay, you guess.

Mammon

He's been known to loose his phone before too.

Definitely gets more angry with you for losing yours though.

"What if you got hurt MC?!"

^He's a hypocrite, and can be even worse than you seeing as more often then not his phone dies before it can be found, so it's hard to even track it with an app.

(^Tbh you're lucky he's there to take the heat off you. Otherwise everyone would always be on your ass for this mistake.)

Probably really good at finding your phone but might even forget to give it back to you after finding it. Thus prolonging the cycle.

Leviathan

He tries a lot of things to make you remember your phone.

At first his thought process is that if he makes you reliant on your device in some way, shape, or form, you'll never forget it.

Levi was very wrong.

Despite needing it for contacting the demon brothers, it doesn't really matter. You're rather unbothered by the risk.

Or at least, unbothered enough to still forget your phone. 

Probably resorts to putting a retractable string on it’s case. That way at least if you walk away, it will come behind you. 

Actively makes sure to backup your apps at least once a week so your game data won't be lost when you inevitably need a new phone.

Satan

He loses stuff pretty often himself but honestly it makes him more mad that you lose things.

If Lucifer doesn’t do it first he’ll definitely put spells on your stuff to make sure you absolutely cannot lose it.

Also he downloads a tracking app on both your phones. Mostly as a backup plan, but also because if he loses his own phone it’s nice having yours right there to find his own.

Might tweak the spell to make it unable for his siblings to find your phone. He’s an ass. 

Asmodeus

Tries desperately to get you to remember your phone without means of magic, because it’s rather apparent you forget other things as well and Asmo is SICK AND TIRED of looking for your shit MC.

He made you earrings and you lost them in a day!! What the heck babe??

50% the time he actually knows where your stuff is at. He’s just waiting for you to notice to actually give it back to you.

Asshole but not as bad as Belphie.

Beelzebub 

Loses non-food related items pretty easily as well.

Never gets really upset about it though. Everytime he finds something he lost he probably genuinely forgot he even lost it.

Tends to find your things a little more often, simply due to his wild searches for food in the middle of the night. 

You’ll often wake up in the morning to a pile of lost things on the dining room table. Sometimes he writes notes for you laughing about where you left something.

Sometimes your things come back to you chewed up, and truthfully, you’ve lost a few phones this way.

Belphegor

He’s such a fucking little asshole.

If you lose something around him, he isn’t telling you unless you ask, and he might deliberately hide shit from you when possible. 

If it’s your phone he’s definitely going to mess around on it so when you get it back you’re all confused.

Pictures are full of photos taken by Belphie, texts harrasing Lucifer and Dia have been sent in the masses, and your background is most certainly a picture of you and him together. 

“You know you’re going to have to give that back to the, eventually, right?” -Beel, after Belphie spent all day spamming your Devilgram with images of your favorite brother(s)

[dirtywratsimz]

Previous Post....

It has been way too long since I've hung out with my girl, Tiff, so we went out for a bit...

Because of her programming prowess, Tiff has quite a bit of money saved up, around 21k. And frankly, I'm tired of living in this dump. Tiff has never complained, so I'm complaining for the both of us.

Also, if you're wondering why Captain was angry in the first shot, it's because he keeps rolling around in puddles and garbage strewn around the house and Tiff has to clean it up and yells at him afterwards. Neither of them are having the best days of their lives, tbh.

Fed him a treat just so he doesn't think that Tiff hates him.

Anyways, here's what I did. I literally only redecorated the living room since that's the only room we ever really use. I get really impatient trying to build in these types of games, so I tried to do it as quickly as possible. I like it though; it looks really cozy.

It's a start. I laughed at myself because while I was decorating, I was thinking that we should probably think about moving sometime soon, but idk I like living here, and I know Tiff doesn't give a shit what her house is like. She spends most of her time on the computer.

"Buddy, I love you and all, but you can't be rolling around in shit and jumping all over the new setup..."

He doesn't gaf.

We stan Captain on this blog.

Like I mentioned before, I hate building in games like the Sims. Always have, even back when I was playing 2 in like the 2nd grade. But in 4 specifically, I despise empty lots since the worlds feel so lifeless to begin with. Forgotten Hollow has that one empty lot, so I wanted to fill it with a cool vampire bar. I found this really nice one on the gallery, and it fits right in with the rest of the architecture.

...it had to be Bear Night, though. Tiff was getting really tense and annoyed by this lady, lol. She just cannot have a good time, ever.

Seriously: bring back the good ol' days of smoking in public bars. Also...

"What the FUCK are you doing?!" says the bear.

Tiff got fucking hammered off those Plasma Janes, so it was time to scat. We live right next door which is pretty tight.

That's it for this post. I only had a couple hours of freetime before I had to start getting ready for work, so couldn't do a whole lot. Honestly, I really want to start doing a story with Tiff and Markovic and make some new characters, as well, but that means I'd have to write it and I ain't got time for that rn. Someday soon, though.

I'm also going through the process of editing the hoods, making-over townies, etc so that the populace looks a little more in line with the VTM theme I'm going for here. That shit's gonna take a minute, but how do you eat an elephant, ya kno?

[good-realtor-bad-realtor-dynamic]

I'd planned to liveblog the Always Sunny Podcast live show and afterparty but I got too caught up in it. I do have some notes I scrawled on a sheet of paper here and some shitty phone recordings because screenrecording was making my ancient laptop lag like crazy, but I'm quite drunk and very sleepy, so I'll write them up later. If I can be bothered later. Probably not lbr.

I believe the videos are gonna be up for the next 7 days to rewatch as many times as we'd like? (Hey future self go figure that out.)

For now, quick thoughts before my brain shuts down:

Outfits: 9/10. Docking a point for Glenn buttoning up his shirt in the afterparty. Rude. Should've popped that shirt off.

Music, harmonizing and jamming: 100/10 VIBES. Shout-out to Charlie and Glenn singing Christmas tunes together and Charlie's musical improvisations on the piano with Glenn on guitar.

British royalty talk: -3/10. Rob, I do like you, but given my background, I personally do not care to hear about how the king is cool or whatever. Idc if you talk about meeting them, but sucking up to them is dumb and you need friends who aren't posh types like Humphrey (no offence to him, I'm sure he's nice).

Glenn as the grinch, being grumpy as shit, munching on cheese and crackers furiously after drinking a Rob manhattan and just giving 0 fucks about Christmas happiness: 11/10 MOOD!

Best host contest: blasphemy/10. Picking Meg is cheating and I adore Charlie, but no. Why was little Glenn on #3? Poor chap.

Gifts: 10/10 thoughtful <3

Lingerie talk: 8/10. Not long enough. Could be gayer.

RCG improv scenes: A++/10. They just got better as they did more. The stupid key chain sounds had me dying.

Serious conversations in the afterparty about S16 writing, Megan's happy experiences at Sunny vs other shows, doing RCG rewrites and the creative process disagreements between Rob and Charlie while Glenn is mostly quiet and tired or sometimes mediating: 17*/10 friendship. Also, Charlie is right that 4:3 and Standard Definition is The Sunny Look.

Chat, voting website and audience interactions: flop disaster/10. Why didn't they try to set up a normal poll instead of a page on a website that was definitely going to crash?! Anyone under 28 could've told them the chat was going to be impossible to read and full of spam without a proper moderator, but even our Meg is old and doesn't really know this stuff lol.

*arguably 19 because they started working on the home movies in 2003 with the first ones shot in November.

It was a slow start and they were clearly tired from being in the writer's room all day, but after the first half an hour, the boys slowly came back to life and stayed on for an extra 45 minutes, which I appreciated, having paid all that money to watch them.

It was like a 3x duration unedited edition of the podcast with some extra segments and I did have fun, but tbh it didn't have to be a livestream except for the few moments they actually interacted with the chat. The whole point of a livestream is the audience participation and even they seemed disappointed they couldn't hear us or really be able to read the chat?

I don't think the Moment interface is that great either. They could've just gone live on youtube or twitch and hidden the stream after a few days for the same effect and given away the leftover money from superchats and donations. They'd probably raise less money that way, but it would actually take advantage of the format. Fingers crossed their next livestream goes a lot smoother. And hire moderators please!

[otp-holic]

Stucky Week: 21st Century

A Fanfic + Pics inside for @stucky-week

Nothing is scarier than posting writing, TBH. It's already in my AO3 where i will probably edit it to death. As I do.

Thank you @moonykat because the anger at all the Bucky!erasing yesterday was the seed for this. And sorry, too because I wish I could do better, haha.

A COUPLE OF KIDS FROM BROOKLYN

Bucky comes back home after a few days out on a mission and finds Steve in the middle of a research of its own.

PG. Established relationship, fluff, lots of books, 1ks

When Bucky opens the door after four days of helping Sam out with some crisis in Portugal, he has to do a double check because he doesn’t remember their living room being a library when he left.

There are books, comics, and notebooks everywhere: Floor, table, countertops, over the couch… and upon a closer look they are not just random books. They are all books about Captain America. And no sign of Steve… This doesn’t look promising.

“Steve?” he asks as he takes off his jacket.

“Buck, you are home!”

The voice from the bedroom is clearly happy Bucky is back and, yes, a second later a smiling Steve Rogers comes into view and walks towards him dodging all the books on the floor: crazy hair, un-showered, and very very gullible.

“I missed you,” he says, planting a kiss on his lips and hugging him tightly. God, he’s such a sap but he missed him, too.

“Mmm… Steve,” he ventures as he untangles himself from the hug. “Care to explain…. this?”

Steves looks behind himself and onto the floor and his expression changes into a frown.

“Buck, what year is it? Are we really in the 21st century?” Bucky panics and instinctively takes his hands to Steve’s head, searching for any indication of a concussion.

“What…”

“No, Bucky, I’m ok, it was an hypothetical! But hear me out!” he talks with passion and anger, so whatever it is, it is important. This was not the welcome Bucky was expecting.

He walks towards the piles of books and takes a couple of them with him.

“Don’t know how it started… but I was bored and I’ve been doing a little research.”

Bucky takes one of the books Steve is handing him “Man of Many times: Updating Steve Rogers”, the title says.

“Research… on yourself.” Bucky has so many puns that he has to bite his tongue. “Didn’t know you got so lonely without…”

“Leave the masturbation jokes for later, this is important!”

He takes a stall from the kitchen and sits down on it, putting the book on the counter right by another one called “Steve Rogers: The Official Biography. 1982���. They are really everywhere.

“You’ve got not only my whole attention but also the best part of my curiosity.”

“Do you know how many books about me there are? No, don’t answer, I will tell you because I know now! There are at least three biographies published every decade, plus comics, cards, books on tactics, about my fucking body changes, official thesis, scientific articles, and everything translated into different languages!” Bucky is impressed. “A little digging on Wikipedia and Amazon… and I concluded there are about 594 books. About me. Every fucking aspect of me.”

He stops for a moment to take a breath and Bucky stays there looking at him and experiencing all kinds of emotions. Passionate and almost enraged Steve is an instant turn-on, but he’s also pretty intrigued about where all this is going. He honestly has no clue.

“Please, please go on before I start with the narcissistic and masturbatory jokes again. I beg you.”

“Buck!” He is full-on outraged now. “There are almost six hundred books about me… some of them apparently “official”, and I haven’t been able to find a single one that dares to hint or even question the nature of our relationship.”

There’s a two-second silence while the gears inside Bucky’s brain start processing the turn of the conversation. Faulty.

“So, you are all worked up because the world doesn’t have a clue that we do the wild thing between the sheets?”

Bucky knows he’s said the wrong thing when the hurt reaches Steve’s eyes in an instant, and he wants to punch himself for trying to release some tension at the worst moment.

“That we’ve been together since the ‘30s, you heartless punk. That we are fucking married, Bucky. That you would have married me at 16 if that would have been an option. And this is the 21st century, somebody should have at least made a book chapter or a fucking thesis just maybe raiding the question. I had to go into some obscure corner of the internet to find a single post from 2014 wondering if there was something hidden between us.” He stops and laughs a bit. “I almost wrote back with a thank you message!”

“I understand. I really do, and I’m sorry about my response just now, I didn’t mean to downplay you, just… ”

Steve briefly touches his face in reassurance as he leans on the counter and starts talking again. Calmer now.

“There is a Collector’s Captain America Encyclopedia that just came last year to cover all my… career as Cap,” he keeps looking at Bucky straight in the eyes, this is clearly what sparked it all. “It is 10 fucking volumes long, and I went to the “B” I couldn’t believe the entries for ‘Battle’, ‘Brooklyn’ and even ‘Banner’ were longer than the one for ‘Barnes’, and… Let me show you something.”

He walks towards the couch, retrieves a book, and comes back to hand him Collector’s Captain America Encyclopedia: Volume 3.

“Page 159, it has a marker,” Steve says.

He uses the little yellow marker to see the page and suddenly he’s angry and a little sad, too.

It’s the entry for “Bucky” and it says: “Bucky: see ‘Barnes’”. And that's it.

The silence is heavy where it was light before, and Steve takes the book out of his hands and comes closer placing his forehand on Bucky’s.

“I cannot let history erase you, Buck. Not as a whole and especially not from my story. None of it makes sense without you, so it’s either nobody or both of us there, pal. And, spoiler alert, but it might be a little too late to take me out of it.”

Steve looks for approval on his face by taking a step back and Bucky nods to whatever it is Steve has on his mind because how could he say no?

“I should have never married an international superhero whose tour de force spans more than seventy years.” Steve laughs. They are back to relaxed now. “Now, out with it Rogers,... I know you have a play-by-play plan for what to do next.”

Steve escapes to the living room and starts piling up books to make room on the couch, not answering Bucky’s question. Bucky can see a mischievous smile even with his back to him.

“We are writing our own book. Well, you are writing, since the Smithsonian got it right about your excellence in the classroom even if they missed on your birthday.” He says and he is glowing. “I might just bother you with important facts, deadlines, and little drawings.”

Bucky is speechless again. And tired. And he knows he is going to say yes, so why bother arguing?

He decides to just give up instead, and walks towards Steve, pushing him onto the couch and, after removing “Steve Rogers’ Lovers: An Unofficial Biography of Caps’ Love affairs” from under his elbow and throwing it towards the kitchen, cuddling him.

“I bet you picked the title already.” He says closing his eyes and taking a deep breath full of Steve.

“Yes, but I’m not telling you just yet,” Steve answers as he kisses his forehead. And Bucky doesn’t care, he can wait.

[kpopmakesmequestionmylifechoices]

Kingdom Round 3: "Plagiarism", rigged voting and fanwars.

[Disclaimer: It is possible that for fans of certain groups I'll come off as offensive. I like each of the groups, I possess albums of TBZ, SF9 & SKZ, and I watched HOURS of content/debut programs of ALL the participating groups. Nevertheless, I will ALWAYS say my honest opinion. If you want to fight me, you're ofc allowed to do so but I hope you're all mature enough to not feel offended by opinions.]

Act 1: Tbz, where do your ideas come from?

So what I've noticed is that there's a massive difference between tbz behind the scenes and other groups'. Not only in this episode. So far, tbz simply DID NOT show how they create ideas, stages, how they practice. They picked a song, fooled around, and then met up with RTK members. It was cute sure, but it had NOTHING to do with the stage. The other groups showed practice scenes, showed their ideation process, showed who taught them and how. The boyz didn't. No practice, no ideation. Only song choice. We didn't see them practicing the choreo, we didn't see how they even got the idea for this stage. Their behind the scenes footage sadly has NOTHING to do with their performance. I really wish we could see them practicing and coming up with ideas.

Another big problem I see with this, is that they literally don't explain where their ideas come from. Now for people who know Game of Thrones (GoT hereafter), it probably appears rather obvious that the previous and also this stage was inspired by GoT, right? The white walkers? Ice and fire? The throne? The freaking red wedding??? I can't be the only one who sees a connection between their stages and GoT. ATEEZ said they were inspired by Pirates of the Carribbean. SF9 said they were inspired by film noir and showed how they worked with an actor on their storyline. iKON explained how they associate inception with dreams and put together their ideas. But TBZ didn't freaking talk about any of this. Either it was never recorded, or it never was aired. In any way, it's extremely suspicious in my eyes. Moreover it's just pretty shit to not say where your idea comes from. Especially not when you even name your stage after the iconic red wedding... Now IF they were NOT inspired by GoT, then it would be some... extremely huge coincidences... especially the stage title is just a bit too much tbh. But more to that stage later.

Edit: It came to my knowledge that according to deobis, Cre.Ker will post the content after Kingdom on tbz social media. Whoever took that decision needs to be fired tbh. If the content will be released, I'll link to it and add some few words to it.

Act 2: The good, the bad, and ... All hail king Juyeon?

Let's talk about the performances now.

SF9: What I dislike is the fact that as I stated in my previous Kingdom post, they are forced to do such dramatic musical/movie stages to even be recognized as part of the show. Moreover, I found it weird and unfitting that they held guns during the group dance parts, to me it seemed a bit off. Also, at times, their energy level seemed a bit low.

What I liked is that even tho it was a MASSIVE set, the performance still was extremely easy to understand and follow. They all looked insanely good tho, SF9 simply is mature and manly. I liked the concept, it was fresh because it for once had no fantasy vibe but actual criminal mafia energy. My favourite parts were Jaeyoon's fighting scenes because they were very well choreographed. Altogether, I really enjoyed it and also found it interesting how they referred to the Boyz crown scenes on RTK.

The Boyz: In my eyes, this is already the second GoT inspired concept they did. Not a fan of this. Moreover, I'm a bit pissed that it looks as if they are selling all that as their own ideas. As I said before, I believe this is GoT inspired, the name at least definitely was - but it's never said that the inspiration comes from there, because we literally have no information about where their ideas come from and if it's even their own ideas. To me it has the bitter aftertaste of wanting to hide sth the viewers aren't supposed to see. But this is not tbz fault but the fault of whoever writes/directs/edits their footage.

With the title of the stage given, I actually thought I'd see a wedding. But what I've seen was a woman in a bird cage. And then many more women. I failed to see what this all had to do with a wedding, and I moreover failed to see the connection to "THE" red wedding. And I failed to understand the plot once again, and because they didn't explain it beforehand, I'll never understand it.

What I liked is that the performance was way less dramatic than it was ever before. It didn't seem like a stunt show anymore, it didn't seem overdramatic anymore. It was easier to focus on the performance. Sadly, I noticed that this "downgraded" (aka slow-paced and less dramatic) stage was unfortunately underwhelming in comparison with what they did before - which was sth I predicted from beginning on. At some point you can't go bigger anymore, and if you tone it down it'll automatically seem underwhelming.

Edit: It's sad that they have this pressure to outperform themselves because they've won RTK. But honestly, it was clear that the winner would have this pressure on them. I don't see why I would pity them for this, after all, each of the groups feel pressured anyways and I rather feel sorry for ALL groups together because this whole ranking/competition thing is just unnecessarily stressful. But once again, I don't understand why you all blame MNET for this. Don't forget that the companies have contracts with MNET and knew that shit would go down. If you blame any bigger instances, then please also the companies who put their idols on the show. It's not like they got forced to make their groups participate.

My biggest criticism this time however is the fact that they give the most screentime to Juyeon (and Sunwoo because of the rap parts), and the rest of the members barely appear, or basically aren't shown at all. I already felt before that there was a strong focus on Juyeon, but now it's srly showing very clearly. I really like Juyeon, but I don't find it fair. I think that doesn't do justice to the other members, which deserve screentime as well. In conclusion, tbz on kingdom is an extreme mess in my eyes, with lots of communication- and management flaws.

iKON: I belong to the group of people who heavily prefers THANXX over inception, so I was a bit sceptical about the song choice. They really made a YG version out of this tho, I was pretty impressed. The stage concept was pretty nice, iKON surely knows how to use light. Now the stage seemed very inspired by Inception (the movie) which makes a lot of sense - but wasn't communicated either. Just mentioning this because I critisized tbz earlier, so I think the same applies here to some degree. I didn't recognize the song anymore tho but I found it pretty refreshing. In my eyes they did the best so far in making another group's song their own. This could have been an iKON song for sure. As always, a fun stage.

My personal ranking will follow after the other stages.

Act 3: About cheating and faking.

The Voting looks as follows:

Views: 1. SKZ 2. iKON 3. ATEEZ 4. BTOB 5. TBZ 6. SF9

Online Voting: 1. SKZ 2. SF9 3. iKON 4. BTOB 5. ATEEZ 6. TBZ

Btw if anyone knows the overall voting, please comment or send a message, because I somehow missed it?

I said it before, and I say it again, this entire voting is rigged and I totally don't care about it anymore at this point because it's absolutely not trustable. Experts didn't know about the budget differences, who even are the experts, why did SF9 get zero on-site votes, and then ofc the fans who created 50 accounts to vote...this voting is a joke. What I can totally not understand is how ATEEZ and TBZ can rank last for online voting. Sth seems off here to me, especially the fact that SF9 ranks last in views but ranks 2nd in votes? I'm sorry to say this but I think that's the result of the ZZZ fanwar. My assumption is that there must be a big mass of people who purposely voted NOT for TBZ & ATEEZ, and my guess is - no offence - that those were stays. In accordance with the fanwar, they didn't give their 2 other votes to the other ZZZ groups but to whatever other group. Or in general the ZZZ fandoms purposely not voting for each other. That would explain extremely well why SF9 could suddenly rank 2nd. I'm tired of this voting, of fanwars and all this drama and I decided to not care about the official voting anymore.

If you got to this point, I wanna let you know that I feel very blessed that you made it through this long post hahaha. Thanks! And for the next week, I expect BIG THINGS. I'm the most excited for BTOB. Them covering back door is the most absurd thing I've imagined for a long time hahahaha. But Eunkwang with tattoos really is a good sight, isn't it ;)?

[whoistheasshole]

How do I get out of this unsatisfying life I’m living?

Anonymous asks: So the thing is that I feel incredibly stuck - I have all the basics of life which I'm grateful for but also that was my BIG dream as a kid, to get tf out of my parents' house - but now I have that and idk what to do for the rest of my life. Like, if I try those "visualize your future" things I'm just like, "I'd like to sleep for a month, maybe longer" & it feels like I don't really WANT anything so I can't plan, you know? Just flailing here honestly. Pretty tired of it.

I wrote back: I got your question. To pinpoint my answer a little better, can you tell me about your current situation, like how long has it been since you moved out? Which are the things you have in order to your satisfaction? Some vague idea of your age range would also be helpful, but I can work without it too if you’d rather not share.

Anonymous answered: Ah, sorry. I was trying to fit in the character limit & also whenever I think about this my mind just goes flbbbbth. It's been about 5 years? That's about the only thing I'm truly HAPPY about, I'm not thrilled with my social/love life, career, etc & have pretty much been just coasting tbh. I'm almost 30. Thanks for entertaining this.

Alright, thanks for adding some background. I will come at this from different angles and you can pretty much pick and choose what sounds helpful and leave the rest, okay?

First, while there are people who have it all figured out, methodically planning their next career step or fully certain that there is no greater joy than raising a child, there are tons of other people who just, to quote, go „ flbbbbth“ when asked about their next steps or, god forbid, their life plan. I would say I fall in the latter camp, but I don’t mind because I think there is nothing wrong with that. I let myself be guided by the things I need to be happy (more on that later) and by current necessities – if my job becomes shit, I need to find a new job. If a friendship goes sour, I need to end it respectfully. But I couldn’t tell you specific career or personal goals, except...

... let’s talk about the „later“ now.

I’m an organizer, maybe even a worrier, and therefore I like lists. And for that reason I made a list a while ago that I still have and expect to keep for a long time. It is a list of everything that I need to be satisfied with my life. It consists of 29 entries and has three of them checked, though several others could be counted as half-checked. I wrote down everything that came to mind, paying no attention whether it was reasonable or feasible to want. That wasn’t the question.

It covers stuff like a clean flat (not checked), restful sleep (not checked), friends that I see regularly (checked) or a job with purpose (not checked). This list is my guide. Well, generally my needs are my guide, but it can be hard to be aware of your needs sometimes, so I got this list. And if I wonder what I need or want to focus on, I can turn to it and choose one of the entries and see what I can do about it. I can also look over the list every few years and see if things have developed in the right direction. Little progress is no reason to chastise myself, but helpful information to see whether I need to re-direct my focus.

Please note that I wrote „satisfied“, not „happy“. Being happy is a passing emotional state. It is completely normal and okay not to be happy all the time. But quiet satisfaction with where you are or where you are going, that is pretty achievable. It certainly is a process, but an enjoyable one.

This list is not a race and it is not really a to-do list because most of the things I wrote down aren’t easy to accomplish with a single action. They take months and years and, for some items, I can only try and hope it works out some day (see anybody who ever purposely looked for a partner).

So maybe this kind of list could be an exercise for you. Maybe it provides you with some insight, maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it’s not the right point in your life. But if you sit down and the only thing you can come up with is „cry forever“ or „sleep forever“ then, you know, that’s a sign.

Which brings me to my next point: Journaling or automatic writing. This method is especially helpful for those „I feel some kind of way and I couldn’t even tell you how“ moments – so maybe exactly where you are right now. Captain Akward has introduced me to a website called „750 words“ and I’ve used the principle of „morning pages“, though not the website, since then whenever I felt like some emotions were starting to boil over.

I sit down, ideally in the morning, and just barf it all on the (digital) page. There are only two rules: 1) Don’t edit or judge yourself, write everything as it comes to mind (that’s the automatic writing part) and 2) Don’t stop before you’ve reached 750 words. You are not looking to write anything readable or clever or lyrical, you’re looking to get all the weirdness out so you can move on. Repeat this as many days as you feel queasy or weird or confused or angry or sad. Each day, as soon as you’ve reached the 750 words, you can walk away. Heck, you could even delete/burn the document if that feels right. It’s just about giving your thoughts the room they need so you can continue with your day, hopefully feeling somewhat relieved.

While we’re at writing, I also have a question for you: Where is the pressure coming from to „do something with your life“? Is it truly coming from inside you or are there outside factors? Are people in your life asking you when you’ll have kids? Do you live in a culture where it’s expected that everybody does something of note, works certain prestigious jobs? Do you compare yourself to the people around you and feel like you’re „late“?

Maybe mull this over on a leisurely walk or write about it, using the method above. No matter where it’s coming from, the feeling of pressure won’t go away just by knowing its origin, but the knowledge can help you keep it under control. And if you find it is truly your own wish, you will have tools to shape your life according to your needs.

So, next, sleep: Maybe do that?

You wrote "I'd like to sleep for a month, maybe longer". I understand this was half a joke, but also … it was probably more than a joke.

How are your energy levels? How does life feel? Are you trying to jog through jello most of these days?

If we’ve been overachievers or had a tough home life or needed to take care of ourselves pretty early, we can become accustomed to everything being difficult. This feeling and behavior can become a way of life, even when circumstances change and we have a chance to act differently.

Do you feel rested? Do you have regular moments of quiet in your life that let you breathe? If not, this is where I would start. Forget about lists, though morning pages might be a helpful accompanying tool (if they don’t become a task to punish yourself with if you don’t find the energy).

Take some weeks or months, maybe even a year to make rest your priority. You will have to find a way that works for you. Yes there is a lot of clinically proven stuff out there, but you will not see me do yoga or meditate. Though feel free if that’s up your alley. If you love cycling or taking photos or drawing or just plain lying on your bed and staring at the wall, see where you can add more of that to your day. Whatever brings you closer to yourself and makes you feel like you can exhale and stand still for a moment, that’s the way to go. Do this as long as sleeping seems like a fine choice. And for good measure maybe a month longer. You are ready to stop when you cannot wait to do something else goddamnit I’m bored!!! (you might say)

If you are in this picture, please start here. Any kind of life plan, next steps, strategizing, solving of riddles would set you back and perpetuate your exhaustion. Rest is not time wasted, rest is how you get your life back.

If you are in this picture, you will likely find that if you really pull through, if you truly rest, as long and boring or even scary as it may be, the other questions will probably have an intuitive answer afterwards. Not like „this is my 20-year career plan“, but „I feel like doing x this week“. And that is enough. Because you won’t need to strain to hear your needs through the fog of exhaustion anymore.

Finally, some practical information and links for when you do have the energy and inclination to tackle your job and social life. I am not saying you need to change anything if that’s not what you want to focus on. These are just some tips, in case they become relevant.

For your social life, I recommend what others have recommended before me: Pick an activity that you do with other people and stick with it long enough to become a familiar face, see also here and here (yes, meeting gay people is similar to meeting other people). If you try out new stuff, go there at least 5 or 6 times before you decide it’s not for you – of course assuming nothing bad is coming up like racist or abusive people in the group. Shop around if the first group/activity doesn’t work for you until you find something that you’d like to do permanently. Maybe you’ll gain some friends, maybe you’ll find a romantic opportunity. In any case, if it’s something fun that you like to do anyway, you will have found an outlet with a social group attached. It is absolutely not as easy right now, with Covid and all, but if nothing outdoors-y comes to mind, you could also use this time to brainstorm what sounds like fun for when things are safer again.

Of course you can also look at opportunities online, like Discord servers, online interest groups etc but I do understand if that’s just not appealing right now. I am certainly over sitting in front of a screen.

To round this up, don’t sneeze at contacts that you already have. Are there acquaintances, friends of friends, colleagues, family members who you would like to get to know better? Then go do that! Suggest a time and place to meet up and see how they react. Say yes to the potential friends.

Speaking of which...

The Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes might also be interesting. Sure, it’s a little pop culture positive thinking kinda stuff, but I did like the impulse it gave me to consider when I say no to opportunities out of anxiety or worry. It made me accept some social invitations from colleagues (… in the before times) that I would not have otherwise considered. I did not gain life-long friends, but I did learn another valuable info: That my FOMO wasn’t justified for these events ;)

It also lead me to the decision to do one new thing every month – visit a new place or try a new activity or cook a new food. If the concept sounds appealing, just think about what sounds interesting and achievable to you.

And finally, the advice blog recommendations that I’ll always have. For social life, love life, and general life planning turmoil: Captain Awkward. For everything job-related, including how to write a good cover letter or interview well and, of course, how to get out of the dreaded current job you have: Ask A Manager.

To sum it up:

1) Figure out if you even have the energy to tackle any of this right now.

2) Figure out your pillars for a satisfying life – nothing big and shiny, just … basic needs, wishes, social needs.

3) When you feel like it, pick what you want to tackle next and see where it leads you.

4) Stay flexible. This is your life and it’s okay to go where it takes you, even if it doesn’t look „cool“ or „impressive“ from the outside. All you need is to make it your own.

And if you want to, let me know how it goes some time. :)

[bellatrixobsessed1]

I hate how only Azula is talked about needing therapy to be in a relationship when all the characters will actually need it too because they are all traumatized after fighting in a war.

Losing followers part 2 electric boogaloo!

To be honest, yeah. I gotta agree. The Avatar kids are all so young--way too young to be able to fully process all of the traumas and struggles and burdens that were placed on their shoulders. Hell, most adults have trouble coming to terms with some of the struggles they have faced.

I think that after everything that they've been through, all of the Avatar characters could kind of use some therapy. War is a breeding ground for PTSD and other mental illnesses.

That's one of the other reasons I hate Azula/Therapy; some people make it sound like its shameful or bad to need therapy. Tbh I feel as though (IRL) most people could probably actually benefit from therapy. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it's just good to have a place to let off steam with someone who can look at your problems with less bias. The way that therapy is talked about with Azula, sometimes sounds to me like it's meant as a punishment rather than a recovery tool and I don't like that.

Likewise it bothers me that Azula is the only character with trauma who is basically written off as a lost cause for it. Like look at Sokka; he saw Yue die. He killed Combustion Man. Sokka's not a bad dude, I can imagine that he thinks about what he had to do quite often. He could definitely use someone to talk to, to help him deal with that. And that's not a bad thing. I find it hard to believe that he just got over Yue (even if she was just a crush).

And by god, I know this one is gonna get people big mad; Zuko! We all talk about how Azula should get therapy before starting a relationship. But holy hell, Zuko could too. In the Beach he would blow up at Mai for talking to other guys. He would get possessive due to his own insecurities. I'm not saying he's an abuser but that isn't a healthy relationship. I'm also not saying that the relationship didn't end up being healthy in the end. What I am saying is that Zuko also could have very much benefited from a therapy setting while in his relationship with Mai. Therapy could have helped him realize that he was misplacing his anger.

Again, not a bad thing. Needing and benefiting from therapy isn't a bad thing. Having to seek it out doesn't make a person a bad person.

So yeah, mostly I just don't like the therapy = punishment thing. I don't like how some people fail to recognize that a person can be in a relationship while going through therapy. I talk about it more in this post but I think that it's a case by case thing; some people could actually benefit from being in a relationship during the recovery process while with others it could do more harm than good.

"I support Azula in a relationship only after she gets therapy." Is a perfectly fair take. I don't mind this one. "I ship Azula with therapy and *insert character*" Is also fair enough.

The one that I don't like is, "Azula should only be shipped with therapy forever because her relationships can only ever be unhealthy." The implications there rub me the wrong way and I'm tired of staying quiet on it--if I lose more followers for this so be it I guess.

EDIT: I’m also not saying that anyone is being actively ableist in shipping Azula/Therapy. But I do think that there might be some hurtful aspects and implications that people that aren’t aware of.